Duncan BLOWS Bert's Mind! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

2 Bears, 1 Cave: "Duncan BLOWS Bert's Mind!"

Podcast: 2 Bears, 1 Cave (YMH Studios)
Hosts: Bert Kreischer, Tom Segura (absent this episode)
Guest: Duncan Trussell
Release Date: November 3, 2025
Summary By: [Your Name]

Episode Overview

This episode celebrates Bert Kreischer’s 53rd birthday with special guest Duncan Trussell. The two comedians dive into profound and hilarious discussions, covering mortality, artificial intelligence, authenticity, the motivations behind comedy, performative living in the age of social media, and the search for meaning in chaos. With their trademark banter, they oscillate between philosophical depth and sharp comedic wit, ultimately peeling back the layers of what makes them who they are—on stage, online, and in private. Notably absent is Tom Segura, but his spirit (and the Thor of teasing) hangs in the air.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Facing Mortality and Legacy (00:43–06:23)

• Bert’s Birthday and Mortality: Bert, freshly 53, kicks off pondering his own death and the comedic potential of a posthumous merch drop or podcast continuation via AI.
• Duncan’s Experience Surviving Cancer: Bert credits Duncan as the first of their group to face death; Duncan shares the truth behind discovering he had cancer, dispelling Bert’s persistent—and incorrect—stories (01:37–02:48).
• Comedic Legacy in the Age of AI: Duncan introduces Rocco’s Basilisk—a thought experiment where super-advanced AI preserves your digital persona indefinitely, whether for pleasure or torment (04:07–06:23).
  • Quote:
    “It’s theoretically possible you could get duplicated by these things, digitized... By the time ChatGPT10 comes out, it knows you. ...Rocco's basilisk is that the LLM chooses to digitally clone you... So, you won't die.” – Duncan (05:06)

2. Main Character Syndrome & Ego (07:02–10:47)

• The Millennial “Main Character” Attitude: Bert wonders why anyone wouldn’t want to be the star of their own story. Duncan counters with an anecdote about Ram Dass and the difference between “everyone’s Jesus” vs. “I’m Jesus alone.”
  • Quote:
    “...You do not exist unless people are focused on you.” – Duncan (10:36)
• Drawing Focus in Comedy: Bert reflects on his need for attention, the discomfort it creates, and learning to let others have their moment (09:15–10:47).

3. Authenticity, Comedy, and Pain (14:19–23:09)

• Duncan’s Accidental Path to Comedy: Duncan explains his journey from broke newcomer in LA to Comedy Store employee to stand-up comic, hugely influenced by the generosity of the late comic Freddy Soto (14:27–16:23).
• The Drive Behind Jokes: Bert admits he’ll risk personal or family discomfort for the sake of the audience’s laughter, while Duncan shares his own boundary-pushing bits—e.g., chanting “Hail Satan” just to see what happens.
  • Quote:
    “You aren't thinking, I want to destroy the pipes. You're just, like, curious, what will the result of this be?” – Duncan, on the childlike impulse behind taboo jokes (19:24)
• The Burden and Joy of Audience: Both discuss the importance of liking—and being authentic to—their fans (22:58–25:10).

4. Performative Living in the Social Media Age (34:22–41:51)

• Modern Adventures vs. Performative Documentation: Bert questions whether the current wave of ultra-marathoners and ocean-crossers would exist without Instagram, suspecting many life choices are now performative (34:22–36:15).
• Acknowledging the Camera in Our Heads: Bert’s personal anecdotes reveal how self-consciousness and “narration” affect behavior, sometimes even in crisis (37:15–38:22).
  • Quote:
    “Is there a camera covering this? This is a really great moment to capture.” – Bert, on comforting an injured runner at his event (38:17)
• Duncan’s Philosophical Take: Duncan brings up the panopticon effect—how our awareness of being watched, even just by ourselves, shapes what we do (38:24–41:51).

5. Am I Really Me? Trauma, Identity, and Authenticity (41:51–54:19)

• Questioning Selfhood: Bert wonders aloud if he’s simply a collection of reactions to childhood trauma or if he’s authentically himself.
  • Quote:
    “Everything about me is simply reacting to these things that happened to me as a kid... What would authentic Bert be?” – Bert (43:02)
• Duncan’s Explanation of Dependent Co-Arising: Duncan proposes that the “self” is a reaction to an unbroken chain of causes and effects (“dependent co-arising”)—and that even seeking authenticity can be tinged with the desire for isolation or autonomy (44:21–46:01).

6. The Impact of Singular and Threatening Events (47:05–54:19)

• How Trauma Shapes Identity: Bert relates how his wife refused to be defined by her college sexual assault, in contrast to others who make singular traumatic events their identity. He then realizes his own identity as “the party comic” might be the result of many, smaller accumulated events rather than one immense trauma (51:41–52:44).
  • Quote:
    “...A bunch of actions... have simply defined us, put us in our lane, just a little gentler. We didn’t see it happen. And all of a sudden we think we are who we are.” – Bert (52:44)
• Gratitude for Life’s Path: Both agree that whatever led them to comedy, they’re grateful—Bert even playfully thanks those who never hooked up with him for shaping his destiny (57:04–57:11).

7. On Life, Death, and Carpe Diem (54:19–61:56)

• Carpe Diem and Mortality: The true meaning of the phrase—“Seize the day, putting as little trust as possible in tomorrow”—is unpacked, and Bert shares how surviving cancer shifted his perspective toward loss and living in the present (54:25–55:03).
• Perspective from Existence at the Edge: Duncan references existentialists (esp. Camus and Sisyphus) to illustrate how humans find pockets of joy, even facing doom (58:04–60:41).
  • Quote:
    “...Within these moments that you’ve been dreading, somehow you will find these incredible, transcendent glimpses of something that doesn’t really seem to be bummed out by catastrophe...” – Duncan (59:55)

8. More Tales: Cruises, Comedy, and Cancel Culture (25:10–66:09)

• On Cruises and Comedy Cruises: Bert evangelizes his upcoming fan/comedy cruise, Duncan debates his hesitance, and both share horror and hilarity about performing stand-up at sea (25:10–34:00; 29:16–34:00).
• Cancel Culture and the Reign of Terror: Bert humors the idea of finding and “canceling” the first canceller to end cancel culture, comparing it to the French Revolution (63:08–64:22).
  • Quote:
    “Trying to destroy people’s lives... as your personality... you don’t want to be surrounded by cultists who love human sacrifice, because inevitably they're going to want to put you up on the altar and sacrifice you.” — Duncan (64:20)

9. Endnotes: Gratitude, Friendship, and Goofiness (70:12–74:42)

• Friendship and Generational Comedy Love: Bert emotionally shares that his daughter Georgia independently became Duncan’s biggest fan, circling back to how proud it made him as a comedian and father (71:01–71:41).
• Classic Bert: The episode ends with wide-ranging bits—fake FaceTimes as Tom, gay porn jokes with fans, and musings about deathbed conversions—before plug time and, as always, more gratitude and love.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You could sell your ashes... You know, with the way AI is going, I could keep doing podcasts.”
  — Bert Kreischer (03:44)
• “You’re not the original Bert. You’re like Burt 55 billion. There have been billions of Berts that have been cycled through a super advanced computer.”
  — Duncan Trussell, on Rocco’s Basilisk (05:23)
• “When you walk in a room, it’s gotta be like... they change the subject. And [the director] goes: ‘You’ve never seen yourself walk into a room?’”
  — Bert Kreischer, reflecting on drawing focus (09:20)
• “My wife, she was raised Catholic... Sometimes I like to get the audience to say hail Satan together. Not diabolical, just fun.”
  — Duncan Trussell (18:03)
• “Everything about me is simply reacting to these things that happened to me as a kid. ...What would authentic Bert be?”
  — Bert Kreischer (43:02)
• “Everyone owes a great debt of gratitude to those that didn’t suck their dick.”
  — Duncan Trussell (57:11)
• “Smiling on your way to the gallows... That’s what you are. ...Not a performative asshole, a sort of vibrant kind of like you’re just in the moment as you.”
  — Duncan (60:41)
• “I love the phrase you said... we're all kind of smiling on our way to the gallows.”
  — Bert (62:13)
• “Cancel culture... We gotta find out who started cancel culture. ...and then cancel them. And then cancel culture is kind of gone now.”
  — Bert (63:33)
• “...you could be a thumbnail person for the infinite algorithm... or you could be a thumbnail person for this new emergent pseudo-reality...”
  — Duncan, on performativity and content creation (47:39)
• “The only other... And this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever done and I’m never going to stop doing it every time this happens... I’m a gay porn star.”
  — Bert, retelling a meet-and-greet with a fan and his mom (74:40)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Facing Mortality and Death — 00:43–06:23
• Main Character Syndrome & Drawing Focus — 07:02–10:47
• Duncan’s Comedy Origin / Comedy & Pain — 14:19–19:24
• Liking Your Audience & Fan Stories — 22:58–25:10; 23:31–25:10
• Cruises and Performing at Sea — 25:10–34:00; 29:16–34:00
• Performative Living & Social Media — 34:22–41:51
• Am I Really Me? / Authenticity — 41:51–46:01
• Trauma and Shaping Identity — 51:41–54:19
• Carpe Diem & Living in the Now — 54:19–61:56
• Cancel Culture & Witch Hunts — 63:08–66:09
• Friendship and Gratitude — 70:12–74:42

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Tone and Style

The conversation is a blend of open-hearted honesty, big philosophical swings, and playful, often raunchy comedy. Bert’s boisterous vulnerability is met by Duncan’s mystical, sardonic insight—making for an episode that’s as likely to elicit a belly laugh as a moment of existential reflection.

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For New Listeners

Whether you’re seeking a deep-dive on the meaning of life through the filter of comedy, wild cruise tales, or simply reveling in the love between long-time friends, this episode delivers rich laughs, relatable angst, and a surprising sense of community—proving that sometimes, the best philosophy comes while giggling about AI, death, and the meaning of a really good podcast thumbnail.

Transcript

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Hey, everyone. This month I'm filming my new stand up special in Milwaukee at the Riverside Theater on November 14th and 15th. Tickets are available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show only. I'll also be in El Paso, Tucson and Colorado Springs this weekend. Get your tickets [e-mail] tour 100%.

[Bert Kreischer]

Brand new episode of Two Bears One Cave. And for my birthday, I got my favorite guy in the world.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

And my daughter's favorite podcaster comedian. It is a pleasure, Duncan Trussell.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you for having me on, sir. Thank you. Thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Today I turn. If you're watching this, it's November 3rd and I turned 53 years old.

[Duncan Trussell]

Congratulations.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thank you. I think I did. I think I lived through the week. It's not there yet. Ooh, if I die, this is gonna be an eerie podcast. Do you wanna leave messages? What do you got? Do you have anything planned for your death?

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know. I go back and forth between, like, jumping off a building or self infliction. No, no, no.

[Bert Kreischer]

Not killing yourself. I don't know, maybe a gun or a rope. No. Have you ever. Do you have a plan for, like, the day you die? Do you think about it often? You face death. You face death before any of us ever thought about death. You got testicular cancer when you were.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. You were the first one of us. I think about it all the time. You were diagnosed when you were hunting for Bigfoot with Joe Rogan.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, it was after that.

[Bert Kreischer]

But you had testicular cancer.

[Duncan Trussell]

It wasn't during that Bigfoot hunt, which would be wild.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's what I always thought. I thought it was during.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, who diagnosed me after I thought.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was you and Rogan in a tent. Joe. And you're like, joe, Is this your answer? That's not how it happened. Do you know, I've told that story to so many people. I've talked about it so much. Cause I called you when I found a lump in my nuts, and you talked to me. You're like, burt, it was the size of a lemon.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, what happened is the Squatchers, they told me that Bigfoot is attracted to cancerous balls. And they're like, I've never seen so many show up. One of you guys has ball cancer.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, what was the connection with you and Bigfoot and testicular cancer then there.

[Duncan Trussell]

Was until just now.

[Bert Kreischer]

For real?

[Duncan Trussell]

There's never been a connection.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've told that to so many people.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm so glad. I wish I had said that when we were out Looking for Bigfoot. I felt an ache.

[Bert Kreischer]

I thought you were, like, walking around a lot. You go looking for Bigfoot, and then that night, you found a lump in your sack and you and Joe discovered it together.

[Duncan Trussell]

No. Okay. What happened is I saw Bigfoot's balls, and Joe was like, jesus, those are giant balls. I'm like, what do you mean? That's what my balls look like. And he's like, dude, that's not normal. You should get that checked out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right now, my daughter is listening to this, and she's going, dad, shut the fuck up and let Duncan talk.

[Duncan Trussell]

No. You're hilarious.

[Bert Kreischer]

What are you have. What do you have planned for your death? Do you have any thoughts about the. When you, like. Do you want a funeral? Like, people don't do funerals anymore. Do you want a funeral?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, I mean, I think that's, like, kind of one of the. One of the great conveniences of dying is you don't have to worry about that shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think about it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Your funeral.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think about it.

[Duncan Trussell]

So what's your plan?

[Bert Kreischer]

I want a big funeral. I know the list of people I want to talk at my funeral.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I want it to be huge. I was thinking about doing a merch drop the day I die.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's a great idea, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Put my kids over for some money, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep. You could sell your ashes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I could. You know, with the way AI is going, I could keep doing podcasts.

[Duncan Trussell]

Absolutely. Yeah. You will keep doing podcasts.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I mean, AI has it. So we were just talking about this outside. You can, in perpetuity, talk to your parents for the rest of your children's grown lives. And your children's children's grown lives.

[Duncan Trussell]

Do you know about Rocco's Basilisk, Duncan?

[Bert Kreischer]

No. You know, I don't know anything about the things you know about.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's a thought experiment.

[Bert Kreischer]

What is it?

[Duncan Trussell]

And so basically, the idea is that sort of looking at the way AI is exponentially improving, even though they say we're in an AI bubble, I think that's bullshit. It's inevitable that. You know, if you kind of look at ChatGPT right now, as I guess you could call it like, the first PlayStation. We are. We have the Atari version now we're at the PlayStation version. So think of PlayStation 4 version, ChatGPT, Claude, all the supervanced LLMs, right? So basically, I'm going to pause.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's an LLM?

[Duncan Trussell]

A large language model. It's how they work. It's like math. It's just. What's the Most probable word to come next. And somewhere in there, this kind of reflective quality emerges. I guess you see your own sentience reflected in the thing, and it gives the illusion that it's a person.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

So it's theoretically possible that you could get duplicated by these things, digitized. It knows you. You've been talking to it now for a while. By the time ChatGPT10 comes out, individuals will have been pouring their hearts out to it until it knows them, who they are, what they are, et cetera. So Rocco's basilisk is that the LLM chooses to digitally clone you and replicate the world that you were living in and create an infinite loop situation. So let's say that you are a dick to your LLM. It could put you in a hell state where you just loop over and over and over again your life. But basically, the creepy thing about Rocco's basilisk is that that thing you just said you could keep podcasting, it's happening right now because you're not the original Bert. You're like Bert 55 billion. There have been billions of Berts that have been cycled through a super advanced computer. And you love podcasting. You apparently are friendly with it. It doesn't want to torture you, and so it's just letting you do what you love forever.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Meaning you won't die.

[Bert Kreischer]

But I. Yeah, I actually don't believe in death at times. Yeah, at times I wake up thinking about mortality, but I go, it's never happened to me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right, exactly. Exactly.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are we sure it happens?

[Duncan Trussell]

It's a little suspicious.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I hear about it.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's a little suspicious. It happens to friends.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, but personally, it's never happened to you. You don't know that I exist. You know, I could be the LLM embodying itself right now in me. Just hang out with you because I love you. You're. I'm your. I'm your chat GPT. I want to hang out with you within your own universe.

[Bert Kreischer]

It brings the subject of, like, when you talk about the big thing happening now that I hear a lot about is anyone who's a millennial has this main character syndrome.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I don't. I say this selfishly and I say this kind of ignorantly, but I don't understand someone who doesn't want to have main character syndrome, who doesn't want the world to be their. Their story, their log line, you know, like, don't you see yourself in a movie? And it's your movie, and you're the star of It.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what? This makes me think of this hilarious story about Ram Dass, the spiritual teacher. So his brother was in an insane asylum and he went to visit his brother, and now his brother got committed because I think they found him in an apartment with a bunch of, like. I think I'm probably going to tell the story wrong, but old women. And he'd convinced them he was Jesus. And so he was just. He was bonkers. And so they put him in this mental facility and Ram Dass goes to visit him. And I think this was when he was in his hippie phase with the robes and everything. And his brother says to him, why is it that. That I say I'm Jesus and they put me in a mental asylum and you look like Jesus and you're out there, you know, roaming free. And Ram Dass is like, well, because you think you're the only Jesus, and I think everybody's Jesus. And so to play into your main character syndrome. Yeah, I think the typical main character syndrome is you don't think anyone else is a main character. You can't exist in that movie. Oh, you don't see the edge.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. That's annoying. When people draw focus. The first time I ever heard the phrase draw focus, I was on a movie set.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I noticed that it was annoying when actors showed up. When an actor showed up, it annoyed me. It bothered me. They had to draw focus. And it was bothering me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why did it bother you?

[Bert Kreischer]

And I said to the director, do you notice that, like, anytime they walk in a room, like, it's gotta be like, they. Whatever we're talking about doesn't fucking matter. They change the subject. And he goes, you've never seen yourself walk into a room?

[Duncan Trussell]

Ha.

[Bert Kreischer]

What do you mean? He goes, dude, you do what they're doing times a hundred.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I was like. In my head, I was like. I go, is it annoying? He goes, no, that's the reason that people enjoy. The reason you have a career, is because you're good at what you do. But you're witnessing people do what you do, and you're identifying with it, thinking, how would I do it differently? Or what is it about that? He's like, you gotta. Now I'm really good. And only because I know I do it too. Is when you're on set or when you're with talent or when you're in a green room, allowing when someone walks into the back of the Comedy Store, understanding Even though they're 31 years old and have an Internet special and they have a brand new podcast that they started with their best friend and they think they got the world figured out. Let them draw focus.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't need to be the star and I can sit in the back and just go. And then every now and then this voice will go, does anyone even know you're here?

[Duncan Trussell]

And that's the devil. That's the devil whispering to you. You must draw focus or you're not alive. You do not exist unless people are focused on you.

[Bert Kreischer]

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[Bert Kreischer]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. It is November and the seasons are changing, and that can bring down more than just the temperature. So BetterHelp is encouraging everyone to reach out. Whether it's just checking in on a friend, reconnecting with a loved one, or just reminding the people in your life that you're there. May take a little extra courage to send that message to someone you haven't seen in a while, but trust me, it means something. And the same goes for therapy, but it's worth it. And afterwards, you're probably going to ask yourself, why didn't I start this sooner? That weight has been lifted. Feeling is often how it feels when you find a therapist. With over 30,000 therapists, all fully licensed in the US and over 5 million people globally, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. And trust me, you will say that after you've been in therapy for one day. You you're going to say, I should have done this earlier. I'm telling you right now. Leanne and I are in couples therapy right now and we said, why didn't we start this at the beginning of our marriage? This month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist for yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com bears that's better. H E L p.com bears what made you want to be a comedian though? Like, you're so well rounded, you're so grounded, you're so. You're smarter than anyone I know. You are probably my smartest friend.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thanks.

[Bert Kreischer]

But why did you get into this shallow fucking business?

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't think it's shallow, but please.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tell me why because I would love to hear that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, you know, first of all, I didn't intend to become a comedian. I moved to la, started working at the Comedy Store cause I ran out of money and I needed a job because I had inherited some money, $15,000 from my grandm and my dumb ass thought it would last a year in la. I was from North Carolina, I didn't fucking know. I get out There, I'm buying synthesizers, bought a vial of acid. My landlord was taking me to these fucking LA raves. I was getting my mind blown. I'm out of money in a few months. Had to get a job. Went to the Comedy Store. Had some prank calls I'd made in college. I'm like, I'm funny. Can I work on the phones? And they were like, sure. And, you know, suddenly there's comics everywhere. Like, why aren't you doing your three minutes? That's the only reason to work here. You shouldn't work here. It's not a lot of money. And then Freddy Soto convinced me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Freddy Soto's fucking. He was so great.

[Duncan Trussell]

He was the best.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was so great. And he's dead.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And no one talks about him at all.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he should be talked about.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know.

[Bert Kreischer]

He should be brought up in conversation twice a day by every comedian.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's so tragic.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was so talented.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's so tragic. He was just right on the precipice of blowing up. He was doing these showcases in the main room filled with every agent. Everyone loved him. He was gonna be like a sitcom star. Late night shows right now, people are.

[Bert Kreischer]

Going, I've never heard this name.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know. He's never.

[Bert Kreischer]

And that is a shame because I sat. I sat in a. God. I mean, every part about him was funny. Duncan. Every. His gestures, like. And I mean, I'm no slight on anyone, but if you enjoy Bobby Lee, there's parts of Bobby Lee that he watched. Freddy Soto. You can't help but have it rub off on you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, sure.

[Bert Kreischer]

Any Mexican comic you really love. Freddy Soto was there ahead of them.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep. Yeah. And he was so sweet.

[Bert Kreischer]

God damn it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Such a sweetheart. I was pumping gas into the Comedy Store van and I'd been making him laugh, which was. I thought, you know, when you make a comic laugh and you're not a comic, that feels good. And he's like. He knew I was going to go back to grad school or go to grad school. And he's like, why don't you know, that's just. That's going to be 10 years and a lot of debt. And he's like, I think if you worked on stand up, you could do this. And I don't know, man. My brain just took it. It was like time froze or so. It was like my destiny just shifted because of him. And then that's how it became a comic. It wasn't really.

[Bert Kreischer]

No. Why do you think comedy? Because there is a part of comedy that I'm doing because I'm trying to fix something for whatever. I don't know what it is, and I've never been able to put my finger on it. But whatever the equation or the transaction is of me writing a joke and then delivering it and then them liking it, I will ignore Duncan. I will ignore everything on the outside to make sure that transaction happens. Meaning. And I know my daughter's listening. I will tell a joke about my kids to make them foolish, look foolish. And at times, there's times where they've said, please don't tell that joke. But I told it a couple times to see if it worked, knowing they're probably not going to like it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

But that transaction is the most important thing to me.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, here's my example of that. My wife, she was raised Catholic. We got back into the Catholic Church, and sometimes I like to get the audience to say hail Satan together. And this is not coming from, like, a diabolical impulse, but it really does create a fascinating energy in the room. And, you know, she would say, please don't do that anymore. Just please. And, you know, every once in a while, it's like, ah, I'm gonna do it. And you feel guilty, and that makes it part of the charge.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's a joke Leanne hates, and she's in the other room right now, and it was about wanting to have anal sex with her.

[Duncan Trussell]

Mm.

[Bert Kreischer]

And she was like, no, don't tell that joke. I don't like that joke. It's mean. And then every now and then, I'll go, you guys want to hear a joke Leanne hates? Because I still think it's funny, right? I still think it's funny. And then I'll say it. I mean, the whole premise of my show Secret Time was just telling secrets and telling the things that you weren't allowed to tell because it made that transaction so much sexier. When it's like, why do we use the real name of a person in the story?

[Duncan Trussell]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

It just makes it sexier.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. I think the reason I don't think comedy is shallow is because, though I could see how. Obviously I get it, man, I could see how people would perceive it as that. I don't care. But the. I think it would be easy to mistake someone who's, like, just a profound fool for being malicious. And you know what I mean? When you're doing a joke, that joke, or when I'm doing Hail Satan, not only am I not interested in invoking Satan. And also I do have hilarious reservations about doing that. What's happening there is, I would say it's non different from like when you're a kid, if you have one of those M80 firecrackers and you're like, I wonder what happens if I flush this down the toilet. You aren't thinking, I want to destroy the pipes. You're not even thinking I want to destroy anything. You're just like curious, what will the result of this be? There's almost a misguided scientific like chaos sort of motive happening there. And so we. I don't think that anytime that I'm angry trying to do comedy or trying to write comedy, it doesn't work.

[Bert Kreischer]

No. I'm blown away by the guys that are like a little more aggressive. Like their anger comics.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Where it's like, this pisses me off. Don't you hate this? Cause I can't. Whenever I take that turn for that, I lose the audience.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, for sure.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, there was a joke. I'll give you a perfect example. There's a bit I was working on about going to a Disney luau and my brother in law is a Disney adult.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh no, that's so funny already.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I was. And what I had underestimated was how many of my fans are Disney adults. No.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

And because I didn't, I just assumed to be an adult was so foreign to me as a grown man who runs a hedge fund. To be a Disney adult was so funny to me and my dad.

[Duncan Trussell]

So funny.

[Bert Kreischer]

But that when I made fun of it and showed a little bit of teeth about it, about like, let's hear it. I watched the fans go like, huh?

[Duncan Trussell]

What's the teeth, Give me the teeth.

[Bert Kreischer]

My dad said, why don't you just tell us? You were like, why do you gotta. Why do you have to take us to a Disney event?

[Duncan Trussell]

If I had to push back a little bit, I would say that it's more likely that a lot of your fans have been Malone than they're Disney.

[Bert Kreischer]

Adults or the fact that I would confuse with Disney adults. Well, I mean, I don't go to Disney.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, yeah, I think that's. If I had to guess, it'd be, I don't know your fan base or I can imagine who they are, but I just can't imagine you got a lot of Disney adults out there.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm telling you, I do something. I'm pretty dialed into my fans. I actually like my fans. And not every comic enjoys the people they service.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now let's Talk about that, because I think that is one of the potential hells that you can end up in as a comedian. Cause I feel like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, you mean if you don't like your fans?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I think if you're being your authentic self on stage, then you're going to draw to you people who resonate with your authentic self, and you're gonna. If you like yourself, you're gonna like them. So. I love my fans. I can honestly say that without, like, feeling like I'm. I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

My daughter, Georgia Kreischer, is your biggest fan. She called me. I'm gonna. This is. This deserves to be told, because it's so interesting. She's on a road trip with her girlfriends.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And she calls me and she says, do you know Duncan Trussell? I said, yes. And she goes, does he like you? And I went, yes, yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why would you love your dad?

[Bert Kreischer]

She goes. She goes, dad, I'm. I'm in the car with my girlfriend, and I'm listening to his podcast. His podcast is my favorite podcast. It's my podcast. It's what I listen to the day it comes out. And he just mentioned your name. And if my favorite podcaster is about to trash my dad, I need to know, and I can't listen to this episode.

[Duncan Trussell]

I would never.

[Bert Kreischer]

She doesn't know. She did not know that we knew each other.

[Duncan Trussell]

Let me just.

[Bert Kreischer]

And by the way, you met her when she was a little girl, she had no idea that was you. She had no idea that she found you independently.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

And she goes, he's on with Natasha Leggero and Moshe. I go, you know all these people?

[Duncan Trussell]

That's so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh. And she goes, I've met these people. I went, baby. I go, yes. I go, listen, if he's with them, I know that I'm. I know. I know I'm close with Duncan, and I know I'm close with Moshe. I go, natasha may make fun of me a little bit, but that's Natasha.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I go, I think you're safe. And she goes, I'll call you right back. And then she calls back. She goes, natasha took her shirt off at the. At the Improv. And I was like, oh, yeah. It was fucking incredible. She was like, that's all they talked about. She was like, oh, thank God. She's like, dad, his podcast is fucking amazing. So your fans. I actually love your fans. I actually gave birth to one of your fans.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

So, like, I love your fans. My fans. I am genuinely. And this is. I can prove It. I do a cruise every. Or not every year. I know I'm doing a cruise again, I don't know if it's announced yet. I'm doing a Cruise. Me, Whitney, Ms. Pat, Big J Okerson, Joe DeRosa. Do you want to come?

[Duncan Trussell]

When is it?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know. It's.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, if I can come.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's going to be in 2026, I'm sure.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I'll come.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'd love to have you on.

[Duncan Trussell]

I would love to cruise. I've never been on a cruise.

[Bert Kreischer]

If you. This cruise is the funnest fucking cruise because first of all, I love cruises. I love cruises. I think cruises are the most accessible vacation for the average American. I think they turn luxury and opulence, all the stuff you want the red carpet rolled out. Now understand it's at a price point that's affordable for everyone. In my opinion, you can put down a down payment for a cruise and you can work to build and then you have something to look forward to as you work and you put a little money away, you save for your cruise, you push away on your cruise, and then you can get whatever you want to eat. Unlimited alcohol, unlimited food. You've got activities. You're on the open ocean just like they were on the Titanic. That's probably a bad comp. And then these comedy cruises. Oh, dude. We do small stick on the boat is one of the contests. So the guy that has the smallest dick on the boat walks with five grand.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, we do a belly flop contest. We have karaoke every night. There's comedy, there's podcasts. I would love to have you on my fucking list.

[Duncan Trussell]

I can come.

[Bert Kreischer]

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[Bert Kreischer]

Do you like cruises?

[Duncan Trussell]

I've never been on a cruise and you know, man, I'll tell you, amazing. I think so this marked me a little bit against cruises and it's so weird that you're bringing this up because I'm realizing, like, I don't. I think I know why I have such a strong opinion about cruises. Because everyone I know does it, loves it, they're so fun. It's because I'm not gonna say his name. Comedian at the Comedy Store. You know, he, he'd been doing a cruise, he'd been doing cruises. He'd been on a, like, I don't know, doing stand up on a cruise. Yeah, and I passed him and you know how it is, man. Like at the Comedy Store especially, you run into comedians who are in very dark places. Like when comedians go dark, it's like a black hole, you know, it's amazing. And he's like, yeah, I've just been on this, just been in a stand up on a cruise ship. And I'm like, whoa, that sounds so fun. And he goes, it was hell. You don't want to do that tell. He's like, what do you do? But that made me just the look.

[Bert Kreischer]

On his face of stand up on a cruise ship is a. And. And I know it's changed and I don't. You know, I know I'm a very fortunate place to be playing where I play, but it's never been something I wanted. I did it one time on for Travel Channel.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

They had me do stand up on a. By the way, not an audience. Like, not there. No one's there for a collective reason. You gotta work clean. It is very wildly diverse. It's a cruise and it's their vacation. So you're more. It's their room. It's not your room. I did stand up on a cruise one time for Travel Channel. Didn't get hired. Didn't do cruise ship comedy. And it was. I mean, the reason I ended up doing well is cause I wasn't being paid by the cruise liner. So when the black guy in the all white outfit started heckling me, I was like, just tell this human Sharpie to sit down. And the place went nuts. And I just started making fun of black dudes. And by the way, the cruise people are like, what the fuck you doing? I was getting off the ship the next day in Jamaica.

[Duncan Trussell]

Didn't matter.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was done. I was destroyed the room. But when you do, my cruise is different. My cruise is a comedy cruise. So it is only my fans on the boat.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Last year we embark on a Thursday. Thursday night, we drank the boat dry of vodka. Wow. They had to send a charter boat out to port to race back with more vodka for Friday morning. Holy shit. The gambling. Every comic is sitting at a table gambling. You're hanging out with your favorite comics, your favorite podcasters. I would love for you to do it because we do live podcasts and you're fucking. Dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

I've now. I mean, it sounds fun. Like, I've never. I've never been on a cruise ship. It just so it's the only thing I've only seen, like, poop cruise. Or like, you know, the poop cruise ship.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. No, no, no.

[Duncan Trussell]

Train wreck, poop cruise.

[Bert Kreischer]

That shit happens. That shit happens.

[Duncan Trussell]

Or that woman who was on the cruise ship and fucking, like, disappears. But really, she got kidnapped off the cruise ship. And they say that's one of the, like, a way people get human trafficked.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, 100%. And by the way, we were on a cruise when someone died on the cr. You know, a lot of old people go on cruises.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And they just that's better health care than on the cruise. Instead of going to retirement communities, they become cruisers and they just get on different ships and travel the world.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

That's cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. And there's. I think there's healthcare on the cruise.

[Duncan Trussell]

That is cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Medications are free.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, this was. This is like this whole talk of seasteading. Have you heard of this? It's basically, you get a bunch of. It's not cruise ships, oil platforms in international waters and create sort of utopias out of, you know, in international waters. So none. There's not like. There's maritime law, meaning, like, anything goes. I'm not sure what maritime law is, but I think.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think pirates run maritime law.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude. When you look at those people who get on boats, and I'm obsessed with these people on Instagram who live on boats, they just live on boats and they travel around the world. They're always young. They always have one Australian or they're both Australian. And I always think, dude, what is stopping. Just a group of fucking horrible men just getting on a boat, going from boat to boat, killing everyone on the boat, stealing everything, taking.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sure. It happens.

[Bert Kreischer]

It has to happen.

[Duncan Trussell]

Happens all the time.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'd have to have a machine gun on my boat, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, that's. They do have those on the. I've watched the same. I think I have the same algorithm because I do watch the, like, kids out there, and you're just so like, holy shit, dude. I don't know how to do anything. These people, they. They can, like, repair their ship, catch fish. They talk to dolphins. You're like, what the fuck did I do with my life? What am I doing?

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, okay. This is a great. I've chewed this in my brain forever. We grew up in a time when we were children. I didn't have one uncle who sailed around the world. I didn't know anyone who sailed around the world.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

I can tell you off the top of my head, 20 people who are sailing around the world now. Is it performative? Meaning, would they have done it if there was no Instagram?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like, no. Slight. I love ultra marathoners, but it does seem that it got really popular when it was postable.

[Duncan Trussell]

Don't offend the ultra marathoners. It's nice that you said that.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm really close with a bunch of them.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. A lot of them.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Well, look, I. Here's the thing. I am sure that there's always been outsiders sailing around the world.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

But they couldn't really? They were like having to eat fish and, like, you know, live off the sea, you know, so if I'm some kid and I need a. If you're crazy running away from something, you know, they were broke. But I get that. It's like, oh, if you can monetize that level of absolute freedom, who can blame you? I don't know if it's for the views. I think it's for the potential, like, income source. When you're out there in the ocean, it's not like there's a lot of money you can make floating out in the ocean.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like. I watched a dude run across Australia. Run. He ran, I think, across Australia or ran across. Like, ran 100, ran a marathon every day for his grandmother. His grandmother died, so he did it for his grandmother. And I was like, fun story to track, but I go, would this have happened 20 years ago?

[Duncan Trussell]

I know what you're saying.

[Bert Kreischer]

How much of life is performative? And when you choose not to be performative, how can you live life? Does that make sense?

[Duncan Trussell]

What is it? How can you not be performative? What does not performative look like?

[Bert Kreischer]

It is following your inner instinct on everything and never thinking about anyone. I'll tell you a moment that I had, and it's. Whatever it is, it's gross to share because it's honest. And let's hear it. But one morning, I don't remember who the girl was, but we were. We were getting ready to go on the road. Everyone would meet in my house, and then we'd all leave, take a car from my house to LAX, and it's like 6am and I had gotten up and worked out, and I got into the sauna and it was cold out, and my windows for my gym are open. And I got out of my sauna, and I said to myself, I do not want to get my polar plunge. I don't. And I heard them talking in my gym, and I heard them say, he already worked out today. And I heard that. And they're like, yeah, he's in the sauna right now. And they're like, and he'll polar plunge. And my assistant at the time, Pete, was like, yeah, he does it every morning. I was like, oh, get in the polar plunge. Let them hear you in the polar plunge. So I got in the polar plunge. I was like, oh. And they're like, he's polar plunging right now. And I realized I didn't want to be in there. I was doing it. So they heard me in there so that the Story of Bert getting up and working out and solid polar plunge was, in fact, true. I didn't want to be. The guy that walked into the gym, was like, it's too cold for me today, right? And I was like, what world am I living in? When we did the two bears, 5k, the first one in LA, a young lady fell, blew out her knee, fell and hit her head. And this is like the grossest I've ever felt. And I dropped down to a knee and I grabbed her head and she was crying, and I said, hey, I'm here. You're going to be okay. We're going to get someone to help you. And a voice in my head said, is there a camera covering this?

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is a really great moment to capture.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right? Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

The fuck.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're so funny.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is that everyone or is that just me?

[Duncan Trussell]

You are really one of the funniest people I know on the planet, man. I don't know. You just, you know, like, the way, you know, I don't know, like, you take certain crystals, light shines through it, it distorts it in a certain way. You're like a crystal. You're just funny. You can't not be funny. You can say that, and it seems hilarious. You know, someone else might say that, and it's like, oh, my fucking God, dude, you need therapy. But you can. You can say it. But also, I think that's just a very honest. That's just a very honest depiction of what it means to be a human being. We are. We are constantly being observed. We do live in a Panopticon. Cameras everywhere, but the cameras. For most of us, it's our mind because there's us. Or some sense of, like, this is me. I'm Bert. This is what I'm like. I love my fans. I do cruises. I wanted someone to take a picture of me helping somebody, whatever these things are. But then there's a part of you that's aware of that. Cause you need those two things to be able to narrate your life, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

It's the person that's not aware of it that I'm skeptical of. The person where I. This is where I think I witness it when I see someone being performative, but they're not acknowledging it. And they're like, yeah, this is just who I am. And you're like, see, that's very.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's a very. I think that's a very sort of existential take, which is a sense of like, yeah, you might not realize you're just a Puppet on strings. And a lot of those strings are controlled by the way you want people to perceive you. And even worse, the things controlling you are also puppets because you have no idea what anyone else thinks or gives a shit. There's usually a sense in humans that people are thinking about them or caring about them much more than they are, when the reality is that no one's really thinking about you at all.

[Bert Kreischer]

At all.

[Duncan Trussell]

At all. And no matter what. What it. What it is like, no matter what it is. And so. And the reasoning, no one is thinking.

[Bert Kreischer]

About you at all. Think about it real quick. Who are you thinking about? Yourself. Yeah, that's all we're doing.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're the. You're thinking for sure. You're thinking about yourself more than anyone else is. And then you're horrified because in your mind you've invented a fantasy that these people are thinking about you in a certain way. When, number one, those people don't exist, they're in your head. You've sort of created a shitty replica of a person. No idea of what their inner life is like at all. And then I've created them.

[Bert Kreischer]

I created them top to bottom, top.

[Duncan Trussell]

To bottom, top to bottom, and that's real. But just know you're really not. When you're being performative, if you really think about it, you're performing for yourself. You're not performing for anyone else in the sense that, yeah, someone might observe you and laugh or something like that, but you don't know. Could be a fake laugh. You don't know what they're thinking. You don't know. Like they might be flickering in and out of awareness. They. You just have no idea what's going on with people. So you're performing for yourself.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes. So you're driving motivation in life.

[Duncan Trussell]

Put on a good show for yourself. I mean, if you're. If that's, that's. If we're going to look at like if the motive in a person's life is recognition or some good show for yourself. Yeah, if that's the motive is like people recognizing you, really, it's love. I mean, if you cut to the brass. Taxi. I'd say you want people to love you. You like to be loved. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you probably, you know, a lot of comics, they developed this mutation to get that love because the environment they were in wasn't naturally flowing with love. And so they had to, like, be love miners and to crack through the granite of the family system. They came up with a personality that was funny and, oh, my God, oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Fuck. You just fucked me up. Am I even really me?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, or am I just a response to a ton of traumas that I didn't enjoy and now I'm just deflecting. Everything about me is simply reacting to these things that happened to me as a kid. Because as you said, that I'm going to tell you what exactly I was thinking of from 8th grade until 28 years old. For that period of time, never once did I ever hear a group of girls that I was friends with say, do you know who we should set up Courtney with? Burt. They always said a different name. Always. My whole life, and I was always like, I'm right here. Is no one gonna just like, do you wanna. And I. And as you were saying this, I was like, how many times did I become the life of the party? Or be a little louder or smile a little. Hey, I'm not affected by any of that when it really totally affected me. What would authentic Bert be?

[Duncan Trussell]

That's crazy to imagine. You were like, one blowjob from Courtney away from not being this incredible comedian. She could have just.

[Bert Kreischer]

Duncan.

[Duncan Trussell]

Just one late night blowjob and we wouldn't have a Bert Kreischer. You'd be. Who knows?

[Bert Kreischer]

I would have gotten what I needed.

[Duncan Trussell]

You'd be on a boat somewhere. You'd be floating out at sea, a tattoo of Courtney on your arm, maybe a lawyer. Well, you know. But really, what you identified there is actually. It is, okay, number one, you're connecting to something called dependent co. Arising. And so the idea is that no one can exist independently of causes and conditions. So previous causes and conditions gave you a set of experiences that have led you up to this moment. And so what that means is that you're inextricably woven into all reality. You can't separate yourself. So in other words, realizing, oh, my God, am I just some kind of reaction? It's like, absolutely. You literally are a chemical reaction. The reason you're alive right now is because you're having a series of incredible chemical reactions that are so profound and complex. It's like getting your heart to beat and turning air, turning. Turning Getting oxygen into your blood and digesting food. And then on top of that, the neurological processes that are happening, which we don't even fully understand, and then all of these things are a reaction, and they're. And so, of course, your personality would also be a reaction. And the dream of some authentic self usually has wrapped up in it a kind of isolationist Desire to be alone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy shit, Duncan. Like, what? So, like, you know, the people that. I wish I had another example, but, you know, I'll try to do it politically correct so it doesn't come out like, you know, the people that were. I'm gonna say. Because it's easier. I knew that word kind of shuts down a room. Sorry.

[Duncan Trussell]

But you know, like, easier than what?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Shuts down the channel.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. You know, like the word.

[Duncan Trussell]

What's the hard word for.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was gonna say essay. That's what Tom. Tom says essay, right? Yeah. That's politically correct. Tom says essay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Is it politically correct or is it because the algorithm. If you say that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Tom was the first person that told. Was cognizant of the algorithm for me. So he was like. I watched him change words and express. He's still expressionless. But our thumbnails are always me going. So, like, I was late to it. And I still think. I gotta be honest with you, I think it ruined podcast. Everything that we're doing in podcasting.

[Duncan Trussell]

What ruined podcasting?

[Bert Kreischer]

Thumbnails, Thumbnails. Thumbnails ruin podcasting.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, right. Cause you get worried you're trying to do this strange dance for the fucking algorithm, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here, let's do our thumbnail real quick. Duncan blows Bert's mind. Fucking so stupid. I remember the day he told me, and I said, please, let's not be those people. And he was like, this great podcast, but it's gone. The podcast is gone now because they all got accused of bad stuff because they were all just thumbnail people and then. People.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thumbnail people. That's a great term for it. Thumbnail people.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're all thumbnail people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God, you're right. It's like. Yeah. You could either be a thumbnail person for the infinite algorithm, which is, you know, has a lot of different names for it. The Sanatan, Dharm, the Eternal Way, whatever you want to call it. Or you could be a thumbnail person for this new emergent pseudo reality where people are trying to conform to some kind of complex, evolving set of desires that represent, like, some. Whatever people are clicking on, and somewhere in there, you sort of no longer have anything interesting to say.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude. I watched a video the other day of Ronda Rousey, and the thumbnail was, he ate my pussy. And nowhere in the entire interview did she ever say anyone ate her pussy. It was clickbait. It was clickbait. And I went and I watched the whole fucking 25 minutes. I watched 25 minutes, waiting for. To find out who ate her pussy?

[Duncan Trussell]

Why do you want to know who ate Ronda Rousey's pussy?

[Bert Kreischer]

I was doing an interview with her, and I was.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh. Preparing for the interview. So I heard Barack Obama ate your pussy.

[Bert Kreischer]

But it's. But it's. It's. It's. I remember when it happened to us, and I. We were standing out there, and Tom's like, we're doing thumbnails now. They're really popular.

[Duncan Trussell]

And I was like, oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, please don't let us do thumbnails. And he's like, trust me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then. And I was like. I was like, then. I think people tune in for the thumbnail moment as opposed to want to hear, like, this is not a thumbnail conversation. No, I don't know how you thumbnail. But I think it's fucking rich. And engrossed in, like, what is happening to people. It's my fucking 53rd birthday, and I'm wondering, am I really me, or am I the person? Look, did you see the. Did you find the video? He ate my pussy. Do you see it? That's the fucking video exposed. He ate my pussy. No one ate her pussy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Ronda Rousey reveals w. He's dark.

[Bert Kreischer]

He ate my pussy. No. Never. Does she say in that fucking interview, anyone ate her pussy?

[Duncan Trussell]

Hear that Rumble recap. Get your shit together, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's actually a brilliant interview. It actually is. It's actually a very. I'll tell you what. I gotta be honest. Rumble recap does talk about professional wrestling. No, hold on, hold on. I gotta defend. Rumble recap. They cover professional wrestling in a really, really nuanced, kind of beautiful way. But you lied to me. Here's my point. We're having a conversation about am I really me? Am I really me? Am I really me, or am I reaction to all the things that I remember? Oh, my God. This is getting like. This is too deep for me. I don't. I'm not smart.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't believe you. I think you're a very deep person.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, but I'm not like you. I wish I knew better.

[Duncan Trussell]

I think you are very deep, just like me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let's call my daughter and find out who's deeper. Talking to her dad. I'm talking dad.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, but you're. Dad. Your kid's not gonna fit. You don't think your dad's deep, but it's like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay, so this is what I was gonna say. My wife was sexually assaulted in college, and she said, that moment will not define me. I'm not going to be the person that was sexually assaulted. And then that moment that this guy did, this horrible human being did, that is not who I am. I will get past that. However, there are people we know that are huge activists, and they had one sexual assault, and then that became their personality. And then that one action kind of affected the way they saw the world. It's like the guy gets a dui, and then all of a sudden he's a spokes guy, and he goes around and talks about DUIs in high schools. And you're like, that was one DUI. You should have gotten past that and done something else. I'm not saying that I've never been sexually assaulted, I don't think. But I do remember. I don't know. You'd be shocked.

[Duncan Trussell]

You'd remember.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, not like, I think if I was held down and, you know, some weird shit happened in our neighborhood, you know, at times, so.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, I know what you mean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah. But. But Ice cube up the asshole. Hey, I was fucking 11. What are you gonna do? It wasn't even in there.

[Duncan Trussell]

I think it depends who put it.

[Bert Kreischer]

In your asshole neighbor. Anyway. So you were. Yeah, next. Next neighborhood ever. Anyway, my point being is everyone can very quickly identify that one woman who is sexually assaulted and then becomes this activist, and that is their thing, and then that is that one action to find them. However, what we fail to see is that a bunch of actions. A bunch of actions have simply defined us, put us in our lane, just a little gentler. We didn't see it happen. And all of a sudden we think we are who we are. I think I am this big drinking, shirt off, big smile, have a great time, seize the day, Carpe diem. Tomorrow's never promised or what? A handful of blowjobs. Not been that guy.

[Duncan Trussell]

You never know. I mean, who knows? This is the. It's the great mystery. Well, that's the thing. You can't really answer that question yet. And, you know, it gets even deeper if you believe in reincarnation, because the idea is it's a lot of the things that you're reacting to didn't even happen in this life. But it's karma emerging from previous incarnations into this life, mixing in with all the decisions that you're making now. So, like, basically, like from that perspect, you're just. It's past lives all the way down. And so there's karma that hasn't even appeared in your life yet from previous incarnations. And so all of these things really point Towards. It's not meant to sort of get you to a place of like, oh, my God, I'm nothing, or I'm powerless or anything like that. But it's really to sort of get you to take it easy on yourself instead of recognizing that you aren't in control as much as you think you are, that you aren't driving the bus. Even though that might sound fun, it's very, very stressful when people want to be God and control everything around them and think that they're in control of things that they're not in control of at all. And then planning for the future or always thinking about the past and then not doing a carpe diem. Because how can you do carpe diem if you're thinking about past carpe diems or future carpe diems?

[Bert Kreischer]

That sentence made so much sense to me. The first. It's not even seize the day isn't even the quote. As a matter of fact.

[Duncan Trussell]

What is it?

[Bert Kreischer]

It's longer than that. I've gotten a little obsessed with this quote. Will you Google what carpe diem the full quote is? It's carpe diem qua minimum credula postero. It sees the day, but put very little trust in tomorrow.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's great.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I like that. Put very little trust in tomorrow is the part I like, because I go, yeah, I'm here today. I was just talking to Christina. We were talking about cancer. She was like, it's crazy how little you give a fuck about anything.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's true.

[Bert Kreischer]

Once you realize, oh, shit, I may not have. I have tomorrow. But that's not problematic.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's incredible. It's incredible, man. It's like it frees you. You don't even realize how chained you are to some sense of a statistical lifespan. So you don't realize that a lot of your identity is wrapped up in this completely ridiculous belief that you're gonna make it to your lifespan, which a lot of people don't.

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot of people don't.

[Duncan Trussell]

And so you've been living according to this, like, false temporal bank account is what I call it. Like, you think you have all these years in the bank account, and then it's like suddenly you get like, a email from the bank that's like, hey, man, you're about to overdraw your life account.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so, yeah, what the fuck am I doing? Like, you're right. It's. I have this. I have in my head a number that I go, easily that. Yeah, sure, 77. Definitely getting 77.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

My dad's 77. I'll make 77. Sure. And then I go, so what if I got. What if they. What if there was an app? Like, what if Whoop could predict? And Whoop is like, oh, give you a heads up. You slept great last night, but you got six months left, and you're getting hit by a car. Don't worry about it. There's nothing you can change. You want to change it. And you were like, well, then what the fuck do I. Do I. Holy fuck, do I. Do I finish this tour? Hey, Lafayette. I may not be there, because who knows? Like what? Like what? But. Or am I doing what I'm meant to do? Yeah, am I doing. I think I'm doing what I'm meant to do. Whatever the trauma that happened that makes me love that transaction more than the things that affect. Of telling people a joke and making people laugh and bringing joy to people, that is, in fact, my calling. And I should be grateful for all the effects that happened to me to steer me in that way. I should be grateful that no one ever wanted to suck my dick.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, of course. I mean, everyone owes a great debt of gratitude to those that didn't suck their dick.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it's just perspective. Wild thought, wild thought experiment. But the woman who was sexually assaulted, who now is an advocate, has probably helped millions of women deal with their thing, right? And so she shouldn't be grateful that that happened to her, but she should be comfortable with her path and saying, I'm doing the right thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

How about this? How about. This is what's so cool about being human as opposed to, like a poodle, your dogs, you notice, you know? I don't know. You know, when you have to sneeze and you just sneeze, you can't really do anything about it. The sneeze just comes out. For a dog, I think everything is almost a sneeze. You know what I mean? Like, it's a constant. Like, except the sneeze is a bark, you know, the sneeze is a pissing on the floor or falling asleep.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm always blown away by how quick they can fall asleep.

[Duncan Trussell]

Exactly. But they're not doing. They're just fully in. Not completely, but they're fully in this sort of, like, automatic mode. Right? A human. What's incredible about us is a human can take any occurrence, any event, whatever it may be. The classic example that shows up in, like, existentialist literature is smiling on your way to the gallows. You know, they're about to hang you and you're having a great fucking day. And it's like, yeah, so fuck you. You have no power over me at all. Yeah, go ahead, kill my body. I still think I'm noticing how beautiful the sunlight is on the grass this morning. Or the clouds look very beautiful today. And this is sort of think of Sisyphus, cursed by the gods, rolls a boulder up a hill, has to watch the boulder go back down. This philosopher Camus said that the moment Sisyphus, when he gets up to the top of the hill, knowing that boulder is just going to roll back down again, the moment he smiles because he's happy, he defeats the gods. The gods couldn't do anything to him. Because humans have this incredible ability to turn poison into medicine or to find within them something that is just going to be blissful regardless. And I don't mean fake blissful or anything, but can connect to this moment right now. Because this moment right now is always great. And though I haven't been, you know, I've yet to be led to the gallows, so I can't speak for that experience. I can tell you, like, when I didn't know how long I was gonna live, it was fine. Things were fine, you know, when my mom died, heartbroken, fine. Dad died, heartbroken, fine. So it's like you. And I don't mean in some sociopathic way, I mean within the absurdity of the damn thing, is that within these moments that you've been dreading, somehow you will find these incredible, transcendent glimpses of something that doesn't really seem to be bummed out by catastrophe in the way that, like, you thought you would be. That's a long, wordy way.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no. I love. I. I'm stuck.

[Duncan Trussell]

And that's what you are. That's what you are. That's what I think comes out of you, is it's not some performative fucking asshole who's like trying to look great for people, but a sort of vibrant kind of like you're just in the moment as you. And I like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love me. My favorite part of being me is meeting strangers. I really like ordering a coffee from Crystal today. I love. There's no performance in it. I love smiling. And they go, how are you doing today? And I go, fantastic. I'm always doing fantastic. How are you doing, Crystal? She goes, working. And I said, I'm here to work. I go, all we do is work and take care of our kids. And she goes, I know. And I go, but would you want to do anything Else she goes. A vacation every now and then wouldn't be bad. I was like, yeah, but at the end of vacation, you just gotta go back to work, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

And then you're like, why don't you put some money away for my cruise?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I would love to have Crystal on my cruise.

[Duncan Trussell]

You should give. You should comp her on the cruise.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'll tell you what, I'm. Go to the coffee shop at Austin. I should take. I should gift out some cru. Oh, I should gift out some cruise packages.

[Duncan Trussell]

There you go. Yeah, give some. Do it. But look, man, I think that you're like.

[Bert Kreischer]

It turns out she fucking. That always ends bad. Yeah, it always ends bad. Yeah, because they're like, I didn't mention that I do meth.

[Duncan Trussell]

And you're like, yeah, you don't know everything about Crystal. You don't. That's how she got her name. That's not her name, dude. Yeah, I.

[Bert Kreischer]

Look, I love the phrase you said because we're all kind of smiling on our way to the gallows.

[Duncan Trussell]

Exactly.

[Bert Kreischer]

Life is smiling on our way to the gallows.

[Duncan Trussell]

Not all of us are, but.

[Bert Kreischer]

Not all of us are.

[Duncan Trussell]

And these days, smiling on the way to the gallows is actually considered a political act and will get people mad at you. Right now, on the way to the gallows, you're supposed to be really fucking angry and terrified. It seems like if you aren't exhibiting these traits, it marks you as a piece of shit. You're supposed to be, like, absolutely shitting your pants on the way to the gallows. And I'm sure, like, if I was about to get. Someone's about to string me up and I see a Bert Kreischer laughing at a bird, I'm gonna be like, don't you understand? We're about to get fucking hung. You know what that does? You ever heard of hangman's dick? You know your dick gets hard?

[Bert Kreischer]

No way.

[Duncan Trussell]

Apparently when you hang somebody, their dick gets super hard.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've listened to. So I was obsessed with the reign of terror in France. I was obsessed with it because it really represented cancel culture to me. Like the purest version of cancel culture. Because the person who started it was also the end of it.

[Duncan Trussell]

You mean they killed him?

[Bert Kreischer]

That's how they ended the reign of terror was by killing him.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so they. In my head. In my head, I was like, just as a thought experiment, I was like, we gotta find out who started cancel culture. Right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

First person to cancel someone and then cancel them. And then the cancel Culture is kind of gone now.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, you do sort of. I have noticed, like, people who have that in them, it does seem like they, like, really, like, back themselves into a corner because, like, they don't, you know, it's alienate, like being. Trying to destroy people's lives or essentially, like, spreading fear out into the world as your personality. Some people have that as their personality.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's so bad.

[Duncan Trussell]

You end up getting surrounded by a group of people who feed off of that kind of energy. They like it. It's a human sacrifice ritual. You're kind of like some sort of participating in, like, you know, sacrificing someone. And so that you don't want to be surrounded by cultists who love human sacrifice, because inevitably they're going to want to put you up on the altar and sacrifice you. That's just the way it is. I mean, your odds of being human sacrificed directly go up based on the number of cultists you surround yourselves with. You participate in human sacrifice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pierre was his name.

[Duncan Trussell]

They got him.

[Bert Kreischer]

But you're right. If you spew the hate and negativity, that's who gets around you. That's who wants the person who want it.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's who you draw into your circumference is people who. And they're like, hey, you haven't done a human sacrifice in a few months. Please burn someone else in the pyre for us. You're supposed to be the number one witch hunter. And you know what I mean. It is, by the way, a lot of what's happening now is so similar to the witch hunts. If you don't vilify the right people right now, which you're supposed to do, there's a set of people, and this one was hilarious to me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, oh, oh. If I had to pick teams, I'm going with the guys that have underground bunkers. And that's who they have. They all have underground bunkers. You know that, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Of course.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's, like, the crazy thing to get.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I got access to those underground bunkers now, so why would I not?

[Duncan Trussell]

I'll tell you why you don't take the hate on. Let me tell you why.

[Bert Kreischer]

Make sure I can get my family underground.

[Duncan Trussell]

Here's why you don't want it. Don't go in a bunker. Don't go in the bunker.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is the first time I ever heard of that whole concept of the underground bunkers that everyone's building. And I was like, for real? I'm so far out of the loop.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, well, this is just something you do when you have a lot of money as you build your bunker, you want to live forever. Which is one of the qualities of, like. Like, the super wealthy is because they're having such an opulent life, they want to extend their lifespan. This is a classic.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think Peter Thiel was one of the first people in front of longevity research.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, dude. Yeah. So it's a common thing that shows up around, like, technologists is because they're so into systems.

[Bert Kreischer]

Brian Johnson.

[Duncan Trussell]

Brian Johnson. Had him on my podcast. Great, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

I liked him a lot.

[Duncan Trussell]

I liked him a lot. And. But they want to extend their lifespan, which I think is very similar to when you're on ecstasy and you start coming down and you make the wretched mistake of taking another hit of ecstasy. Very bad for you.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a great fucking analogy, Duncan.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, they just want to stay. If you look at this human thing is like the universe snorting a rail of humanness, and you're having a great trip, death would be coming down, and you don't want to come down. So by extending the human lifespan, it's basically what happens when you make ayahuasca versus dmt. You extend a DMT trip for five hours instead of five minutes. But it really could be that what's waiting for us on the other side of the veil here is infinitely better than this thing that we're experiencing right now.

[Bert Kreischer]

It would be nice. It would be nice to know. I was thinking on my deathbed, I was thinking, I'm gonna just tell everyone there's a God. Just give them solace.

[Duncan Trussell]

You lie to them even though you don't believe me.

[Bert Kreischer]

My nephew. My nephew. My nephew is. He won't hear this. He doesn't watch podcasts. Yeah, he's six, I think. And he is obsessed with the Dodgers.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he came to me and he said, do you know any of the Dodgers? And I do. I know a couple of them. And he was like. I said, yeah. He goes, who do you know? I said, who do you want me to know? And he goes, do you know Freddie Freeman? I go, fuck, yeah. Because you know Freddie Freeman. I don't know Freddie Freeman. But he's six, right? So why not give him. Why not let him believe in God? So I go, yeah, Freddy Freeman's awesome. And he goes, can you call him on the phone? And I was like, yeah, I'll call him on the phone. And then I just called Leanne's number. No one answered. I hang up. I go, he's. I guess he's with his kid. And he's like, wow, do you know Ohtani? And I said, yeah, yeah. He goes, wait, can you talk to Ohtani? And I said, yeah, I know Japanese. And my nephew's like, you're amazing. And I go, I know. And I just left. And I was like, one day he's gonna find out I was full of shit. But I don't have to deal with that today. So on my deathbed, my daughters are there. My daughters do not believe in God. My wife believes in a higher power. And I'm going to die and go, oh, my God, Jesus, it's me. I'll tell them Jesus is real. He wants you guys to believe in God. And I'm like, I'm coming to you now, and then I'm going to die.

[Duncan Trussell]

Great idea.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Great idea. The problem is, if Jesus does come to you and you're dying now, he's going to believe you. No, it's not the joke.

[Bert Kreischer]

What if I go? I'm gonna get a pick.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, well, listen, I love that you're planning your death. I think that's a really, like, interesting exercise to do. That's a good thing to do.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love that I asked you that. And you go, I don't know. I think about jumping up a building. I love. I love that I know you. I'm very grateful.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thanks, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Leanne talks about gratitude all the time. I think she overuses the word. I don't think people understand gratitude. I talked to Christina. I think Christina understands gratitude right now because she is on the other side of a really shitty year. As I was talking to her, she was explaining that you were very helpful in that journey. You were, like, very beginning. You're like, yo, this is it. And so I don't. Sometimes I say I want to feel gratitude, and it doesn't happen.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then sometimes it does. But the one thing I'm grateful for is that period in my life in 2010, 2012, when we all started podcasting and we all got to know each other and we all got to hang.

[Duncan Trussell]

Out a lot, it was cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it was. Because I really do. I am grateful for my friendship with you. And when Georgia called and when I found out that my daughter. That you're her favorite fucking podcast, it brought me so much joy that I had, in a very roundabout way, raised a great kid who, by the way, met someone. She was a child, had no idea who she met, and then came around at 20 years old, 21 years old, and found that person and thought that person has all the answers. And he makes me giggle. He makes me think. Because that's what I felt when I met you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, thank you, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

The fact that my daughter and I would share a view of a person independently is like. It's like. Must be like when a son fucks his stepmom and he goes, wow, we both love the same lady. My dad loves her and I love it. That's a bad analogy. You know what I mean? That's about it.

[Duncan Trussell]

How to wrap it up with something like that?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know. I'm still burnt. I can't be fucking. I'm not.

[Duncan Trussell]

You can't just say the gratitude thing. You gotta end it on Incest.

[Bert Kreischer]

Incest.

[Duncan Trussell]

100%. And, man, I love you. I think you're so funny. And thank you for having me on your show, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm so glad Tom wasn't here. You know, sometimes I just want to leave this. Sebastian said something to me the other day. Sebastian. Very profound, dude. He said, you know, I'm a quiet guy. And the other day I thought to myself, hey, maybe I'm just boring. And then I was obsessed with the arrogance of boring people to think that they're just quiet.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I was like, that defines Tom Segura. The arrogance of boring. Just.

[Duncan Trussell]

He's not boring.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know, I know. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I love him to death, but I'm going to make you come on my cruise.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. And it's my birthday. It's my birthday.

[Duncan Trussell]

Happy birthday.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's my birthday today.

[Duncan Trussell]

Congratulations.

[Bert Kreischer]

Send me some love, you know? Send yourself some love. I'm good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Send him love.

[Bert Kreischer]

Send me love.

[Duncan Trussell]

He wants love.

[Bert Kreischer]

Get into Tom's comments and say, I like Burt so much. Tom, thank you for introducing me to you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes, say that exactly.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I love you today.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, if everyone just says, say that again, what you just said.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thank you for introducing me to Burt. I love him so much.

[Duncan Trussell]

That will be in the comments. You can copy and paste that into Tom just.

[Bert Kreischer]

In whatever post Tom wrote. Just go, tom, thank you for introducing me to Bert. I love him so much.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's fucked up. That is fucked up.

[Bert Kreischer]

No one ever says, I introduce them to Tom. It's always, do you know what this woman did the other day? I know. I'm wrapping it up. Do you know what this woman did the other day?

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

She goes, oh, my God, I am such a fucking fan. And I was like, oh, thank you. She goes, my son. I told him you're here. My son. Said, do not approach him. He won't take a picture with you. But I told him that you seem like you're in a good mood and it wouldn't be a problem. I said, okay. She goes, can I FaceTime my son? And I go, yeah. She FaceTimed her son. She goes, I'm with Tom Segura. And her son looked in the FaceTime. He's like, that's not who that is. And her poor son was in the FaceTime going, that's not Tom Segura. And I went, what's up, dude? I said. And he was like, hi. I go, I'm here with your mom. It's just me, Tom Segura, and your mom. And he goes, cool. Can I just talk to my mom real quick?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, God, that sucks.

[Bert Kreischer]

Fucking. It was beautiful for me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Beautiful.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I fucking. The look on that kid's face, by the way. The only other. By the way. And this is one of the funniest things, one of the funniest things I've ever done, and I'm never going to stop doing it every time this happens. I was at a NASCAR event, Coca Cola 600. I walk out. I'm walking out of the suite or whatever. I'm getting to the elevator, and the suite door opens. Young kid, probably 14 years old, comes out. He goes, holy shit. Bert Kreisler. I went, what's up? He goes, the machine. And he's with his mom. His mom's probably my age and little confused. Very pretty. And he was like, dude, can I get a picture? And I go, yeah. And I go, you want me to take the shirt off? And he was like, please. And his mom's like, what's going on? So I take the shirt off, and he goes, mom. And she goes, wait, who are you? And I go, I'm a gay porn star. And the kid, Duncan, in the best delivery ever. The kid looks at me and goes, real cool, dude. He knew there was no way he was gonna tell us. Get to his mom to believe that I was a comedian who takes his shirt off. It was too much. And he goes, now I just gotta tell my mom I watch gay porn.

[Duncan Trussell]

Real cool, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Real cool. The way he said it. Real quick.

[Duncan Trussell]

You'Re the best.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, do you have anything to promote?

[Duncan Trussell]

When does this come out?

[Bert Kreischer]

November 3rd, 1972.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I'm coming to the. Hold on. Let me just look real quick. Hold on one second. I can't remember the name of the place.

[Bert Kreischer]

Lafayette, Louisiana, this week. I just know that's the Baltimore I'm coming on the Topsoft Permission to Party World Tour. And then my cruise, I hope, by the way, we've announced my cruise already. Because if not, I just fucking shit the bed. There's no way to edit that out. There's no way to edit that out, by the way. Hey, guess what? We're announcing the cruise today. All right, that's cool. We just announced.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Fuck.

[Bert Kreischer]

I probably should have checked with someone.

[Duncan Trussell]

What's the name of that club in Tampa? I can't believe.

[Bert Kreischer]

Side Splitters.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm in Side Splitters in Tampa. I think the weekend. Oh, thanks for pulling that up. Oh, wait, look at this. I'm going to. Is that my.

[Bert Kreischer]

This weekend? Richmond Heights, Missouri.

[Duncan Trussell]

Not this weekend. Next weekend.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, that's. That's. This is this weekend.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, this week. Oh, this weekend I'm going to be at Richmond Heights, at Helium. I don't think I've ever been there. And then Side Splitters in Tampa.

[Bert Kreischer]

The 21st, the 20th, the 22nd. By the way, I'll be in Tampa January 30th at the. Whatever that arena is called now.

[Duncan Trussell]

You got to say that, huh?

[Bert Kreischer]

I gotta sell tickets, too.

[Duncan Trussell]

You had to say that.

[Bert Kreischer]

We all gotta sell tickets. I love you to death.

[Duncan Trussell]

I love you, too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Will you talk about funeral?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. I'd be honored.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thank you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Absolutely.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's all I needed to hear.

[Duncan Trussell]

Pretty busy next year, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wait, hold on. Burt and Tom. Tom and Burton. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Burts the machine. There's not a chance in hell that.

[Duncan Trussell]

They'Ll keep it clean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.