2 Bears, 1 Cave — Mel Robbins Calls Out Bert’s People-Pleasing

Release Date: November 10, 2025
Hosts: Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura (off camera), Guest: Mel Robbins
Studio: YMH Studios

Episode Overview

In this rich, fast-paced, and refreshingly candid episode, comedian Bert Kreischer sits down with motivational powerhouse Mel Robbins (Tom Segura is absent, working on his “Bad Ideas” show) for a conversation that quickly transcends small talk and pivots deep into topics of self-worth, people-pleasing, regret, boundaries, anxiety, ADHD, personal growth, and how Mel’s now-famous “Let Them” theory can help anyone reclaim their time and energy. With the disarming honesty and humor fans expect from 2 Bears, 1 Cave, and the open-hearted wisdom Mel Robbins is known for, this episode is both entertaining and packed with practical insight.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bonding Over Past Dysfunction and Honesty

• Opening connection: Bert and Mel bond over drinks (and their complicated history with alcohol), establishing instant chemistry and willingness to “go there” (00:08–03:14).
• True confessions: Both reflect on messy college relationships, cheating, and shame. Mel admits to being “in peak dysfunction,” morphing her identity to please partners, using self-sabotage to avoid uncomfortable conversations (03:14–05:36).
  • Mel Robbins Quote: “Have you ever had the thought that you are too afraid to break up with somebody...so instead in your fucked up brain you go, I think I’m just gonna fool around with somebody else…and then they’ll break up with me so I don’t have to, like, break up with them?” (04:36)

2. Anxiety, ADHD, and Self-Awareness Later in Life

• Mel and Bert both discuss not knowing they had anxiety or ADHD until adulthood, and the lifelong patterns that stemmed from this (06:00–10:50, 61:07–69:17).
  • Mel: “I did not put together the puzzle…that was Mel Robbins until I was probably 47.” (06:00)
  • ADHD and anxiety led to avoidance, risky behaviors, and twice-as-hard inner battles.
• Humorous confessions of self-sabotage, and that need for others’ validation rooted in childhood and nervous system patterns.

3. The Burden of People-Pleasing & Transactional Relationships

• Bert and Mel dissect why they (and most people) fall into people-pleasing, transactional mentality in friendships, family, and work (38:52–44:25).
• Pressure to be liked and helpful, and the exhaustion that comes from it.
  • Mel Robbins: “I have bent over backwards...trying to make people happy...It’s so stressful to pretend to be somebody you’re not.” (06:37–08:29, 38:52–44:25)

4. The “Let Them” Theory: Simple Boundaries, Huge Impact

• Let Them Theory Demystified (24:45–24:55):
  • When stressed, annoyed, or upset by others’ behavior: “Let them.” You can’t control anyone else’s actions. (25:16–27:37)
  • Mel frames it as a modern, accessible distillation of Stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, and core ideas from therapy.
  • Letting go of pointless attempts to control outcomes or feelings frees up your energy and time for what you can control.
    • Mel Robbins: “Any time you’re stressed out, annoyed, hurt, frustrated...just say, Let them.” (24:45)
    • “The more you try to control something that’s out of your control, the less control you have.” (31:00)
  • Apply “Let me” as the companion: “Let me remind myself I always get to choose.” (32:00–33:07)
• Disarming fear of disappointing others, recognizing that disappointment is proof someone values you, not a catastrophe (43:05–47:34):
  • “Let them be disappointed. Disappointment means they want you around. The opposite is, ‘Thank God that asshole can’t come.’” (47:34)

5. Real-World Scenarios of Boundaries & Control

• Stories of family conflict (kids’ bedtimes vs. parents’ plans), friendship expectations, and even awkward celebrity encounters (e.g., Bert’s failed New Year’s Eve attempt to kiss Nicole Kidman) illustrate the daily relevance of these principles (51:16–56:07).
  • Mel Robbins: “Let her have her opinion about you. She probably doesn’t have a bad opinion. You’re the one now torturing yourself.” (55:54)
• Importance of accepting people as they are—your brother, your dad, your spouse—because only you can change your actions, not anyone else’s (48:56–50:27).

6. Unpacking Guilt, Obligations, Regret, and Providing

• Both hosts acknowledge the feeling of never doing enough for family, being torn between providing and being present, and the futile guilt trips we give ourselves (40:06–41:22).
  • Bert: “If I don’t work right now, then no one gets to go to college...But if I keep working, then I get to maybe take the family on a vacation.” (40:31)
• Mel shares that these feelings are universal to both women and men, even if manifested differently.

7. The Power of Radical Responsibility and Response

• Defining Responsibility (61:00):
  • “Responsibility is just the ability to respond.” (61:00)
  • Letting go of grudges, negative energy, and transactional score-keeping in families and friendships (53:31–54:52).

8. Mel Robbins’ Origin Story: From Rock Bottom & the Five Second Rule

• Mel opens up about hitting rock bottom: $800,000 in debt, career setbacks, family stress, and using alcohol to cope (82:13–84:33).
• The moment that changed her life: counting down 5-4-3-2-1 to get out of bed—leading to her “5 Second Rule,” viral TEDx talk, bestselling book, and practical foundation for all habits and change (86:55–93:08).
  • Mel Robbins: “You will never feel ready to change your life. But at any moment, you can decide that where you’re at no longer works.” (89:02–90:54)
  • “You either win in that five second moment, or you’re fucked.” (88:59–89:02)
• The slow, unglamorous, persistent road from desperation to international success.

9. From Survival to Service: Paying it Forward

• Mel describes how helping others, answering emails, and later speaking engagements (including her first paid talk at $10k) became her new calling—emphasizing loyalty and remembering the people who helped you on the way up (103:35–106:46).
• Her focus is on freely sharing what works—her podcast is intentionally accessible, non-numbered, and meant for time-starved people around the world (110:44–111:52).

10. Rebuilding Family Relationships with “Let Them”

• Mel and her oldest daughter co-wrote Let Them, using the method to get past years of mutual frustration and develop real closeness (115:10–117:00).

Memorable Quotes

On People-Pleasing & Self Deception:

• “I just was like, I’ll just make them not like me. That was the easiest way. It’s so much easier for you to just hate me than me to tell you I don’t like you.” —Bert (09:25)
• “Have you ever had the thought...that even though they’re a great person, they’re not your person...I’m just gonna fool around with somebody else. And then they’ll break up with me so I don’t have to?” —Mel (04:36)

On Boundaries & Control:

• “The more you try to control something that’s out of your control, the less control you have.” —Mel (31:00)
• “Let them be disappointed...Disappointment means they want you around. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything.” —Mel (47:37)
• “Let her have her opinion about you. She probably doesn’t have a bad opinion about you. You’re the one now that is torturing yourself.” —Mel (55:54)

On Growth, Change, and Responsibility:

• “You will never feel ready to change your life. But at any moment, you can decide that where you’re at no longer works.” —Mel (89:02)
• “Responsibility is just the ability to respond.” —Mel (61:00)

On Authenticity:

• “People only change when they’re ready to change for themselves.” —Mel (50:02)
• “When you really embrace how simple this is, ‘Let Them’ is a boundary you put up between you and other people.” —Mel (36:52)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:08–05:36: Bonding over drinking, early relationship dysfunction, college regrets
• 06:00–08:29: Anxiety, ADHD, and the “aha” of finally understanding yourself
• 24:45–27:37: “Let Them” explained in detail
• 38:52–44:25: People-pleasing, guilt, and the illusion that it’s unique to women
• 47:34–50:27: Disappointment, boundaries, and “letting people be disappointed”
• 61:00–69:17: Defining real responsibility, undiagnosed ADHD/dyslexia, generational impact
• 82:13–93:08: Mel’s rock bottom: financial ruin, drinking, and discovering the 5 Second Rule
• 103:35–111:52: Building a life of service, the importance of loyalty, why Mel’s podcast is free

Standout Moments

• Both Bert and Mel “outing” their college/early adult dysfunctions (05:36): Unified by the ways they avoided honesty and personal responsibility, revealing it’s more common than listeners may think.
• Mel explaining “Let Them” with relatable family/traffic/friend group scenarios (27:37–33:07): Her practical wisdom for bypassing resentment by using self-awareness.
• The “letting go” of disappointing others (43:05–47:34): Bert’s palpable fear of disappointing people, and Mel’s reframing of it as validation of human connection.
• Intimate admissions about ADHD and parenting (61:38–69:17): Showing listeners they’re not alone and that “not having it together” can simply be brain wiring.
• Mel’s “rocket ship” awakening and explanation of why five seconds matter (86:55–90:54): Immediate, self-applied, and life-altering.
• Behind the scenes of Mel’s speaker journey (101:20–106:46): How serendipity and asking about budgets changed her family’s financial future.

Tone & Style

• Honest, raw, irreverent, and vulnerable but always hopeful.
• The banter retains Bert’s signature humor; Mel keeps pace with warmth and blunt clarity.
• Cursing is natural and frequent, as are “overshare” confessions that build listener trust.

For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

This conversation is for anyone who’s ever struggled with saying no, feeling guilty about boundaries, feared disappointing loved ones, or wished they could stop replaying anxieties and regrets. Mel Robbins breaks down easy-to-remember tactics and “aha” reframings anyone can use—like “Let them, let me”—to start living more authentically and less reactively. Her candid storytelling and Bert’s energetic self-disclosure keep it relatable and never preachy.

Whether you want to feel less alone in your mess, are curious how to finally take charge of your emotional life, or are simply looking for laughter with wisdom, this is an episode worth your time.

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