My Dad Was Probably A Murderer w/ Kirk Fox | 2 Bears, 1 Cave - 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Summary8 min read

2 Bears, 1 Cave: “My Dad Was Probably a Murderer” w/ Kirk Fox

Date: November 17, 2025
Hosts: Tom Segura & Kirk Fox (subbing for Bert Kreischer)
Location: YMH Studios

Episode Overview

In this darkly hilarious episode, Tom Segura sits down with comedian/actor Kirk Fox for a freewheeling, riff-heavy conversation that spirals from childhood memories to meditations on serial killers, family dysfunction, the reality of prison, and why Kirk suspects his dad “may have been a murderer.” The episode’s main theme is an irreverent exploration of morbid curiosity, male friendship, and the fine line between comedy and true crime—complete with signature Bears absurdity, wildcard tangents, and more than a few outrageous confessions.

Key Topics and Segments

1. Kirk Fox’s Upbringing and Tennis as a Life Agent

[01:00 – 04:30]

Tom introduces Kirk as a prolific actor and comedian with a penchant for “playing guys on the way to prison.”
Kirk reveals that tennis has landed him every job—essentially acting as his “agent” in life.
- Quote [01:49] Kirk: “Tennis has been my agent for the whole run. Any job I’ve ever gotten was because of tennis.”
Discussion of tennis and golf as “elite” sports, but Kirk refutes coming from wealth (“I didn’t see him work much, I just came from a family.” [02:47]).
Kirk’s dad, a self-described “inventor,” simply invented ways not to work—foraging with a bamboo stick on the beach, driving Kirk to tennis but never working a steady job.

2. Home Life, Generational Traditions, and Outdoor Showers

[09:10 – 18:00]

Kirk shares about his mom’s reclusive life, his grandmother living upstairs, and his own childhood in what he calls the “1700s” (saving money, tree limbs for Christmas trees, outdoor showers).
- Quote [11:48] Kirk: “My dad just didn’t like to spend much money… I’d say I grew up in the 1700s.”
His family home life was unconventional (“My dad married my mom and just moved in with her and her mother...I’m following the tradition of not working. Milking a woman.” [16:27])
Tales of phone calls routed through different rooms, odd family rituals, and an outdoor shower a mile from the beach (“I liked it because you could look at beautiful women while you shower and pee.” [18:00])

3. The “Peeing Outside” Bit and Family Ritual

[18:15 – 22:55]

Tom and Kirk bond over the pleasures of peeing outdoors; Kirk discusses his treasured “pee tree” ritual.
He and his daughter share the experience—she learns to pee standing up on a mound (“It was the only thing we really had in common: pissing on stuff.” [21:52])
- Quote [21:13] Kirk: "When I pee now, I put my hands on my waist. It's a power move."
This segues to a riff about women not needing to sit to pee (“Dumb broads. They can just stand and just fire.” [22:37], Tom, mocking tone)

4. Dark Comedy: Pissing, Choking, and Consent

[18:26 – 29:19]

Spirals into a tongue-in-cheek, taboo-laden discussion about sexual fetishes—urinating/choking during sex, with “consent” as a punchline.
Tom confesses to learning about consent the hard way (“First time, I didn’t ask. I just peed on somebody…she was asleep.” [24:10])
The running joke: their friendship is “urine-based,” and both joke about not liking consent (“Big fan of consent. I don’t really like it.” [29:17], Kirk).

5. Serial Killers and the Mythos of Murder

[25:15 – 41:00+]

Extended riff on notable serial killers:
- BTK documentary (“He was the city controller…really good at his job!” [26:18], Tom)
- “Where didn’t Bundy do some work?” [09:00], Tom
- Rodney Alcala (“the dating game killer”), Ed Gein, Tommy Lynn Sells (70+ kills as a drifter), etc.
Discuss how modern technology (DNA, cameras) has “ruined” the heyday of prolific serial killers.
- Quote [34:15] Tom: “Do you ever think…the age of the great serial killer is gone? DNA and cameras are everywhere. You can’t get away with shit.”
Kirk reflects on his own “drifter” blood (“My dad was. He drifted on a 1947 Indian Chief motorcycle with his dog Bruce on the gas tank.” [47:36])
The comic bit: friends and comedians they suspect could become “the next killer,” and riffing on methods and prison popularity.

6. Prisons: From Supermax to Stand-up Gigs Behind Bars

[41:18 – 43:30]

Tom and Kirk look up the “Supermax” inmate roster (Ted Kaczynski, El Chapo, etc) and discuss prison lore.
Kirk considers himself suited to prison life—liking the isolation and simple living (“I travel light. This outfit I’ve had on for two weeks…I’m wired for it.” [47:12])
They muse about stand-up comedy for prisoners (Jeff Ross anecdote about murderers in the front row).

7. Kirk’s Dad: Was He a Murderer?

[48:15 – 50:35]

The titular theme: Kirk tells a chilling story of his father writing “Bruce” (the dog’s name) in blood on the walls after Bruce was killed, and how this (combined with dad’s laconic toughness and lack of work ethic) makes Kirk suspect his dad could have been a murderer.
- Quote [49:06] Kirk: “That’s why we thought my dad was probably a murderer, because he wrote Bruce in blood and we didn’t even know he could spell.”
Speculates further based on other odd family details (“No Novocaine for teeth, cut off thumb with a buzz saw—just said, ‘Ah, hell.’” [49:56])

8. Notorious Comics: Vince Champ and Secrets of Dark Comedy

[53:06 – 66:44]

Discussion of Vince Champ, a former “Star Search” winner whose touring schedule aligned with a string of assaults—Tom and Kirk evaluate his stand-up clip and reflect on “clean comics” hiding a dark side.
- Quote [55:22] Tom: “He might have had a clean act, which is like…these clean comics are the scariest dudes on the planet.”
They joke about using his old material (“I might snag a few of these jokes. He’s not going to need them.” [64:03], Kirk).
Musing that a comedian’s “best sets” might drive their criminal impulses (“When you crush is when you go…that’s why I’m always pretty mediocre.” [66:21], Kirk).

9. FBI Fantasies, Cover Roles, and Comedy as Confession

[44:12 – 67:00+]

Both joke about failed attempts to join the FBI (Kirk: rejected after casting agents saw him in “Wyatt Earp;” Tom’s grandfather was FBI).
Kirk reveals he “studied behavioral profiling” in college, wanted to be like John Douglas.
They close with thoughts on cover identities and Kirk’s family/teacher roles as “good cover” for a killer (“I can’t wait till my daughter turns me in.” [61:15], Kirk).
Jokes about marriage and family as performative—“My marriage is a cover. It’s all that.” [67:05], Kirk.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Tennis as a Life Agent

[01:49] Kirk: “Tennis has been my agent for the whole run. Any job I’ve ever gotten was because of tennis.”

On Family Dynamics & Class

[11:48] Kirk: “My dad just didn’t like to spend much money…I’d say I grew up in the 1700s.”

Peeing Rituals

[21:13] Kirk: “When I pee now, I put my hands on my waist. It’s a power move.”

On Consent

[29:17] Kirk: “Big fan of consent. I don’t really like it.”

On Serial Killers’ Lost Era

[34:15] Tom: “Do you ever think…the age of the great serial killer is gone? DNA and cameras are everywhere. You can’t get away with shit.”

Reasons for Suspecting Dad

[49:06] Kirk: “That’s why we thought my dad was probably a murderer, because he wrote Bruce in blood and we didn’t even know he could spell.”

On Clean Comics

[55:22] Tom: “He might have had a clean act, which is like…these clean comics are the scariest dudes on the planet.”

Comedy Drives Crime

[66:21] Kirk: “When you crush is when you go…that’s why I’m always pretty mediocre. I ride the middle just to avoid.”

Highlighted Timestamps

01:00 – 04:30 – Tennis, acting careers, Kirk’s background
16:08 – 18:00 – Grandma, lath house, childhood home life
21:13 – 22:53 – Peeing rituals with daughter, gender commentary
24:00 – 29:19 – Consent riff and “urine-based” friendship
34:15 – 41:00 – Serial killer era, “hobo wrongdoings,” prison fantasies
47:36 – 49:06 – Story of Kirk’s dad and Bruce, murder speculation
53:06 – 66:44 – Vince Champ, comedy’s dark underbelly, “cover acts”
67:00 – end – FBI jokes, family as cover, closing reflections

Episode Tone and Style

True to 2 Bears, 1 Cave, the entire conversation flows with camaraderie, dark wit, and self-aware inappropriateness. Kirk’s dry, deadpan adds a layer of absurd gravitas to tales of family oddities. Tom’s incredulity and willingness to play along creates an atmosphere where taboo subjects (serial killers, sexual quirks, criminal fantasies) get both the comedic and the critical treatment.

Expect:

Non-stop riffing and “bit escalation”
Surprising moments of dark personal history
Sincere chemistry between Tom and Kirk
Jokes that dance right up to the line—then gleefully cross it

For New Listeners

This episode is a master class in dark, confessional comedy. If you enjoy the Bears’ trademark blend of shock, oversharing, and banter that both satirizes and celebrates true crime fascination (and yourself wondering if everyone’s family is this weird), it’s essential listening. Be ready for laughs, cringes, and some unexpectedly poignant reflections on fathers, failings, and the odd rituals that bind us.

Skip to:

[18:26] for peeing/choking/consent riffs
[25:15] for serial killer lore and prison talk
[47:36] for the “my dad was probably a murderer” story
[53:06] for dark comedy and Vince Champ
[66:21] for Kirk’s philosophy on mediocrity and comedy as safety from criminal urges

Summary:
A comedy deep-dive into true crime, dysfunctional family lore, and the beautiful weirdness of male friendship—with more urine jokes and serial killer references than any other podcast would dare.

Loading summary

Transcript1,144 lines

[00:00]
Tom Segura
Hey, everyone. I have some exciting shows coming up. On Saturday, November 29, I will be in Tacoma, Washington at the Emerald Queen Casino. After that, I'll be in Oakland, California at the paramount theater on November 30th. Tickets and all info is@tomsegura.com tour 100%.
[00:18]
Kirk Fox
Cheers.
[00:21]
Tom Segura
Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave. Bert, you look great.
[00:26]
Kirk Fox
Thank you, man. I've been trimming up and, you know, I'm happy to be here.
[00:31]
Tom Segura
Yeah, man. Such a surprise. I can. I can see that your face is kind of narrowed back.
[00:37]
Kirk Fox
If you stop eating completely and drinking, you just find out who you really are.
[00:43]
Tom Segura
Fantastic.
[00:44]
Kirk Fox
So this is it.
[00:45]
Tom Segura
This is it. For those of you that don't know, I'm sitting here with the great Kirk Fox. He's a very funny comedian and actor. You may have seen him on Parks and Rec. You may have seen him on jury Duty. Reservation dogs.
[00:57]
Kirk Fox
Wow.
[00:58]
Tom Segura
So many things. So many things.
[01:00]
Kirk Fox
A lot.
[01:01]
Tom Segura
A lot of things.
[01:01]
Kirk Fox
I try not to think about it.
[01:03]
Tom Segura
I was watching. I've seen. I don't know, every time I'm scrolling, I see a clip of you in something else. You're just.
[01:09]
Kirk Fox
I don't watch it. I don't even really have a tv.
[01:12]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[01:13]
Kirk Fox
So when you feel like you have.
[01:14]
Tom Segura
Elaine as an actor.
[01:16]
Kirk Fox
Elaine.
[01:17]
Tom Segura
You know, I mean, like a certain type of part, you get called for.
[01:20]
Kirk Fox
Anyone on their way to prison.
[01:22]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[01:23]
Kirk Fox
Or about to be caught.
[01:25]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[01:25]
Kirk Fox
Always sex offending. There's always somebody that's a target.
[01:30]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[01:31]
Kirk Fox
Always a Members Only jacket.
[01:34]
Tom Segura
Do you remember the first part you got?
[01:37]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[01:38]
Tom Segura
What was it?
[01:39]
Kirk Fox
It was. Well, in house four, I got my SAG card.
[01:44]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[01:45]
Kirk Fox
With Sean Cunningham, who I was teaching tennis to.
[01:48]
Tom Segura
Tennis has given you.
[01:49]
Kirk Fox
Tennis has been my agent for the whole run. Any job I've ever gotten was because of tennis.
[01:56]
Tom Segura
That's so crazy. That is so crazy that like. Because I've seen it a little bit just like be being friends with you, you're like, oh. Like once I kind of saw how this work, I was like, oh. Because tennis is a sport of the elite in a lot of ways.
[02:14]
Kirk Fox
I'd like to think so. Yeah.
[02:16]
Tom Segura
Like tennis and golf. Right. Those are kind of like more.
[02:18]
Kirk Fox
That's country club.
[02:19]
Tom Segura
Well, to do sports.
[02:21]
Kirk Fox
Anything else is. Doesn't interest me.
[02:24]
Tom Segura
But the irony is that the well to do like to play them. But the people who usually are really good come from a working class. Like people who strive to be good at a sport don't come from those usual. Usually those families. Right.
[02:41]
Kirk Fox
I Mean, I think for me personally, I didn't come from money.
[02:46]
Tom Segura
You came from a working class family.
[02:48]
Kirk Fox
I didn't see him work much. I just came from a family.
[02:52]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[02:53]
Kirk Fox
My dad found a way. He would. He called himself an inventor, but he'd get up every day at 6:30 and invent ways to not have to go to work.
[03:05]
Tom Segura
Okay. Okay, that's cool.
[03:07]
Kirk Fox
He'd get up every day and he'd get a bamboo stick and he'd go down to the beach and just trudge along the deep sand.
[03:14]
Tom Segura
It's kind of a good life.
[03:16]
Kirk Fox
It seemed to be for him. Not much of an income, but yeah, he found a good way to not have to work. He was a handyman.
[03:23]
Tom Segura
But is that tough then, as a young kid, wanting to like you found a sport you really like? And at least in today's world, it's like if you really want to pursue tennis, you have to kind of invest some in that. Right.
[03:37]
Kirk Fox
But he would drive me around and he would drive me to the tournaments and.
[03:41]
Tom Segura
Who introduced you to tennis?
[03:45]
Kirk Fox
No one. There was a. There was a garage door across the alley.
[03:50]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[03:51]
Kirk Fox
And I would just hit tennis balls against it. And hitting. Hitting the ball against the wall is something I did for most of my life.
[04:00]
Tom Segura
There's something really, like, so pleasurable and satisfying about a ball against a wall. Still, just the.
[04:08]
Kirk Fox
The sound is hypnotic.
[04:10]
Tom Segura
Even if, like, you throw it against. You could do it for hours.
[04:13]
Kirk Fox
I. And I would do it.
[04:15]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[04:15]
Kirk Fox
I often think now about just. If I could just dump my family.
[04:20]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah.
[04:22]
Kirk Fox
And find a wall and just hit balls against it forever.
[04:27]
Tom Segura
You know, that's possible.
[04:28]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Right?
[04:28]
Kirk Fox
Well, I'm. I'm leaning into it.
[04:30]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah.
[04:32]
Kirk Fox
And they would call. They would call and they'd say, you. You have a family. And I'd say, not right now.
[04:38]
Tom Segura
Not right now.
[04:38]
Kirk Fox
Let me. Let me finish this. Yeah. And I would hit until the ball would pop.
[04:44]
Tom Segura
Right.
[04:45]
Kirk Fox
So I think it's just insanity.
[04:48]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[04:48]
Kirk Fox
Like, you know, serial killers just write notes to themselves for hours.
[04:53]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[04:54]
Kirk Fox
That's my note.
[04:55]
Tom Segura
The ball wall.
[04:56]
Kirk Fox
The ball wall is my note to my family. That. And I was thinking about it today as I drove here. I was like, first of all, I was in a waymo. Which is not good.
[05:08]
Tom Segura
No.
[05:09]
Kirk Fox
Because it's like if you called the drunkest person, you know.
[05:15]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[05:15]
Kirk Fox
For a ride.
[05:17]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[05:17]
Kirk Fox
Because they drive so slow, they're so.
[05:20]
Tom Segura
Careful, and there's no one there.
[05:22]
Kirk Fox
And they won't go on the freeway because they're afraid of highway patrolmen.
[05:25]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[05:26]
Kirk Fox
It's the slowest. It's just if you want a drunk person to come get you, you just call away.
[05:33]
Tom Segura
For those of you that don't know is the driverless car. There's a car pulls up when there's no one driving, you get in. I did one. I got in one just to experience it. And I just, for the whole ride, just said the NW over and over and over because I knew.
[05:46]
Kirk Fox
Was that the driver's name?
[05:47]
Tom Segura
Well, it was. I, I, I guess so. Yeah.
[05:50]
Kirk Fox
You can make it any. You can make it anyone you hate.
[05:52]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I just did it for fun.
[05:54]
Kirk Fox
You know what I don't like about the wayo is if someone's trying to kill you, like shooting at you, the way mo is still going to just follow all the.
[06:06]
Tom Segura
It's going to pull over and give them a better aim.
[06:08]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, maybe.
[06:08]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[06:09]
Kirk Fox
It wouldn't stop because it has, you know, it has a mission.
[06:12]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[06:12]
Kirk Fox
Where if you have a real Uber driver, they're gonna maybe try and get away from the assassin.
[06:19]
Tom Segura
A Turkish guy knows to do that.
[06:20]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. So that's, that's my problem with Waymo is if you're getting shot at, you're going to be killed.
[06:25]
Tom Segura
That's a, that's a really good point. I want to ask this with regard to tennis, though.
[06:30]
Kirk Fox
Okay.
[06:30]
Tom Segura
Look, when do you know? Because I. For other sports, you can kind of see this. When do you know you're actually pretty good?
[06:40]
Kirk Fox
When you win.
[06:42]
Tom Segura
When you win.
[06:42]
Kirk Fox
When you start winning.
[06:43]
Tom Segura
So you're doing tournaments.
[06:45]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. You're doing tournaments and you just start winning.
[06:48]
Tom Segura
You're like, all right.
[06:49]
Kirk Fox
But I, I never got to that stage of what? Winning.
[06:53]
Tom Segura
You did, too.
[06:54]
Kirk Fox
You know, not enough to that. No. People would. People don't know that. I was great.
[07:00]
Tom Segura
You were great.
[07:02]
Kirk Fox
Well, I could have been the best in the world.
[07:03]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:04]
Kirk Fox
But I just.
[07:07]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:08]
Kirk Fox
Women that up.
[07:09]
Tom Segura
Did they?
[07:11]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. Look at me. Look at me. Yeah. So you'd be.
[07:16]
Tom Segura
You'd arrive for a tournament and then see a skirt.
[07:18]
Kirk Fox
I'd barely arrive.
[07:20]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Yeah.
[07:20]
Kirk Fox
I'd still be chasing the girls.
[07:23]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:24]
Kirk Fox
And I'd never win the first set because I like to dig a hole to climb out of.
[07:29]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:30]
Kirk Fox
So everything I did was. That means you're counterproductive to winning.
[07:33]
Tom Segura
That's a real artist right there.
[07:35]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. It's like a lot of matches. I just. I dig a hole.
[07:40]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:41]
Kirk Fox
Because I wouldn't stretch. I haven't stretched in my life.
[07:45]
Tom Segura
Really.
[07:45]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. And you know that, like, if I have to do more than 20 minutes of stand up, it's going to be. Start to feel like work.
[07:53]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:54]
Kirk Fox
So I'm as famous as 20 minutes can get you in life.
[08:00]
Tom Segura
Right.
[08:01]
Kirk Fox
Like you're famous. This is your podcast, Right? I came here reluctantly.
[08:06]
Tom Segura
Right. Yeah. No, I appreciate it.
[08:08]
Kirk Fox
I don't want to be here.
[08:09]
Tom Segura
I know, I know.
[08:10]
Kirk Fox
I don't want to be anywhere.
[08:11]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[08:12]
Kirk Fox
I don't mind talking to you any place where there's no cameras or people hearing us.
[08:18]
Tom Segura
Well, we have to edit so much.
[08:19]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, that's the problem.
[08:20]
Tom Segura
I know.
[08:21]
Kirk Fox
So.
[08:22]
Tom Segura
And people wonder, like, why do you have to edit? Well, because prison cellmates know not to speak.
[08:27]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, but I.
[08:27]
Tom Segura
In front of the warden, you know.
[08:29]
Kirk Fox
Any conversation I have, I imagine that someone's listening.
[08:34]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[08:35]
Kirk Fox
And that I'm wired up. And that if I say something wrong, it could end.
[08:41]
Tom Segura
Let's talk about something fun.
[08:43]
Kirk Fox
Aren't we Bundy's fun. Yeah. He had a twinkle. He's. He had that hunter mentality. I mean, I only do locations with you if I've known he's been there.
[08:56]
Tom Segura
Yeah, I know. That's why we're going this weekend.
[08:58]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[08:58]
Tom Segura
It's gonna be fun.
[08:59]
Kirk Fox
Did he do some work up there?
[09:00]
Tom Segura
I don't know. But I mean, truthfully, where didn't he do some work?
[09:04]
Kirk Fox
He's so.
[09:05]
Tom Segura
You know who did some work up there is Ed Gein.
[09:07]
Kirk Fox
Oh, Eddie.
[09:08]
Tom Segura
Eddie.
[09:09]
Kirk Fox
Little Eddie G. It's nice that we have. We have that in common. He loved his mom.
[09:14]
Tom Segura
Yeah. He adored her. Dug her up.
[09:15]
Kirk Fox
I love mine.
[09:17]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[09:18]
Kirk Fox
Did not kill her. But she appeared to be dead for most of her life.
[09:22]
Tom Segura
Did she?
[09:23]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, that was a gift my dad had. Just driving people into seclusion.
[09:29]
Tom Segura
That's. Yeah. My mom makes me want to be dead. I don't know if that's a spin on that.
[09:36]
Kirk Fox
Sometimes I look at your mom and she already appears stuffed, you know?
[09:40]
Tom Segura
You know who looks just like my mom right now?
[09:43]
Kirk Fox
One of those dried up apples.
[09:46]
Tom Segura
Bon Jovi.
[09:47]
Kirk Fox
Oh, I think it was.
[09:49]
Tom Segura
Amy Miller texted me this photo and she's like, oh, she goes, you know who.
[09:54]
Kirk Fox
Wait, Amy Miller has your number?
[09:56]
Tom Segura
Yeah, she texted me.
[09:58]
Kirk Fox
I like watching your mom when she gambles. That to me is pleasant.
[10:07]
Tom Segura
My mom. Oh, that's when she's at her happiest.
[10:09]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[10:10]
Tom Segura
Did your mom have a thing like that? Did she like.
[10:12]
Kirk Fox
I don't know. My mom never left the house.
[10:14]
Tom Segura
Really?
[10:15]
Kirk Fox
I don't remember her going very far. She'd go to the market.
[10:20]
Tom Segura
But she had what, five?
[10:24]
Kirk Fox
She had five.
[10:25]
Tom Segura
Yeah, but look, there's.
[10:27]
Kirk Fox
So she did go to the hospital. Oh, my God.
[10:30]
Tom Segura
That's Bon Jovi.
[10:32]
Kirk Fox
Is she on the right or left? That looks like Charo. It really does.
[10:38]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Holy.
[10:39]
Kirk Fox
It does look like Charo. Wow.
[10:42]
Tom Segura
That's crazy.
[10:43]
Kirk Fox
That's the evolution of rock stars.
[10:45]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[10:45]
Kirk Fox
At some point they look like an.
[10:47]
Tom Segura
80 year old Latin lady, an ant.
[10:49]
Kirk Fox
They all just fade into that.
[10:51]
Tom Segura
Yeah, it's. It's because they, they, their vanity, like they have to stay real thin. Rock stars like to stay. Well, they don't eat and then they have. They want to have crazy hair. Yeah, but your hair starts to just do weird things as you get older.
[11:05]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. Steven Tyler just looks like a crazy beautiful older woman. Yeah, she's frightening.
[11:13]
Tom Segura
Yeah, it's frightening. Alice Cooper.
[11:15]
Kirk Fox
That's.
[11:15]
Tom Segura
What.
[11:15]
Kirk Fox
What's that to the right there? Is that a Christmas tree?
[11:17]
Tom Segura
I think so.
[11:19]
Kirk Fox
We never had those.
[11:20]
Tom Segura
No, no. What did you have?
[11:24]
Kirk Fox
It was a tree that my dad would cut a limb from this tree in the front yard.
[11:29]
Tom Segura
A limb?
[11:30]
Kirk Fox
A limb, brother.
[11:31]
Tom Segura
And then prop it up.
[11:32]
Kirk Fox
Prop it up. He wouldn't lay it down. It would still be propped up enough where you could put a present under it.
[11:39]
Tom Segura
That's awesome.
[11:40]
Kirk Fox
I basically grew up, I would say in the 1700s.
[11:45]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[11:47]
Kirk Fox
Now that I think about it.
[11:48]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[11:49]
Kirk Fox
My dad just didn't like to spend much money. He'd always just have a few dollars in his wallet and he would take it out and, you know. But it was only like two or three dollars. But that was his big takeaway.
[12:03]
Tom Segura
I wish there was footage from a reality show of your house.
[12:07]
Kirk Fox
Oh, God.
[12:08]
Tom Segura
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[13:14]
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[15:39]
Tom Segura
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[16:09]
Kirk Fox
My grandma lived upstairs.
[16:11]
Tom Segura
I didn't know that.
[16:12]
Kirk Fox
Shit. No one did. She was in a box. No, my grandma lived upstairs. Well, my dad married my mom and then just moved in with her and her mother.
[16:24]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[16:25]
Kirk Fox
Which is exactly what I did.
[16:27]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[16:27]
Kirk Fox
I'm following the. The tradition of not working. Yeah. Of milking a woman. So I come from a long line of that. Just a long line. Yeah, that's what. What it was. But grandma lived upstairs, and the phone was upstairs or down in a. Called a lath house, which was L.
[16:51]
Tom Segura
A T H. Never heard of that.
[16:53]
Kirk Fox
Well, you wouldn't unless you grew up in the 1700s.
[16:56]
Tom Segura
Okay. Okay.
[16:57]
Kirk Fox
But that's where my mom slept, down in this lath house.
[17:01]
Tom Segura
Really?
[17:02]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. My dad. They didn't sleep together.
[17:04]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[17:05]
Kirk Fox
It showed you the appeal of my father. So, yeah, my grandma would hit the floor and she'd say, telephone. And I'd have to run almost half a block down to this lath house.
[17:18]
Tom Segura
To get the phone.
[17:19]
Kirk Fox
To get to the phone. You don't want to go upstairs? You don't want to see Grandma.
[17:23]
Tom Segura
No, no, no. But if it was for someone else, then you had to run back.
[17:26]
Kirk Fox
Well, they'd say who it's for.
[17:28]
Tom Segura
Oh, okay.
[17:29]
Kirk Fox
Kirk, Telephone.
[17:31]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[17:32]
Kirk Fox
Then I'd run down to the lath house and I'd get the. I got a grandma. And then sometimes she wouldn't hang up.
[17:39]
Tom Segura
And you'd be like.
[17:39]
Kirk Fox
That's when you knew she was plotting.
[17:42]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[17:42]
Kirk Fox
Murder. But, yeah, that's the life I grew up in. And the. The shower was outside.
[17:48]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[17:50]
Kirk Fox
So I had an outdoor shower.
[17:51]
Tom Segura
How close were you to the beach?
[17:54]
Kirk Fox
A mile.
[17:55]
Tom Segura
A mile. Okay.
[17:57]
Kirk Fox
But I do like outdoor showers.
[17:59]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[18:00]
Kirk Fox
There was one at the foot of Law street in Pacific Beach. An outdoor shower. So I'd swim and then I take this shower. But I liked it because you could look at beautiful women while you shower and pee.
[18:15]
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah.
[18:17]
Kirk Fox
So that maybe is what started the dementia by looking at women and just peeing in your swimsuit while looking at them, making eye contact.
[18:27]
Tom Segura
I remember peeing on this girl in high school.
[18:28]
Kirk Fox
School.
[18:29]
Tom Segura
And, man, I didn't realize that it would. It would be so empowering. Like, it felt. It was.
[18:37]
Kirk Fox
Of course.
[18:38]
Tom Segura
It's such a great feeling.
[18:39]
Kirk Fox
You were probably sad when you stopped peeing.
[18:41]
Tom Segura
Oh, I was? Yeah.
[18:43]
Kirk Fox
That's like hitting the. The tennis ball against the wall.
[18:45]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah.
[18:46]
Kirk Fox
Like, you know, when I pee on women, it's hard to stop.
[18:51]
Tom Segura
It's hard to stop.
[18:52]
Kirk Fox
Same with choking them.
[18:54]
Tom Segura
Yes. And I. I didn't choke any. I'd heard about it, and I was like, that's crazy. And then the first time, a girl, she told me to. Yeah, I guess I didn't know you kind of, like, have to stop.
[19:05]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, See, that's. That's the problem.
[19:09]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[19:09]
Kirk Fox
Because I. I've done it before and just kept going.
[19:12]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I also didn't know that, like.
[19:15]
Kirk Fox
And I said, did you like that? And she was on. I think she was out. So then you have to know cpr.
[19:24]
Tom Segura
You got to start slow, too. You're supposed to just kind of. And I just went for a 10. I was just like, oh, I thought you wanted me.
[19:29]
Kirk Fox
You're an athlete.
[19:30]
Tom Segura
Kill you.
[19:30]
Kirk Fox
You're an athlete. When I choke a girl, I say, you know, I want you to know this could end bad for one of us.
[19:39]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[19:40]
Kirk Fox
That's why I start on pillows. But choking, that's empowering also.
[19:46]
Tom Segura
Oh, my God.
[19:47]
Kirk Fox
If I could find a woman that I could just pee on and choke all day, I wouldn't even need to play tennis.
[19:53]
Tom Segura
No, I know.
[19:55]
Kirk Fox
That's a problem with my wife. You know, she makes me, you know, pee outside.
[19:59]
Tom Segura
It's the worst.
[20:00]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. I do have a petri.
[20:03]
Tom Segura
You do?
[20:03]
Kirk Fox
I do have a petri in my backyard.
[20:06]
Tom Segura
I love peeing outside.
[20:07]
Kirk Fox
And every time I would go out there, no matter what, it could be raining, I go to this petri. And Jaren hated it.
[20:16]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[20:17]
Kirk Fox
Until I shit you not, she saw her water bill dropping.
[20:22]
Tom Segura
Really?
[20:23]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. Because you stopped flushing. Right. So if you're peeing outside, you're just killing trees. There's one tree that was an avocado tree. That was strong. Avocados every year. And then once I've married her and moved in, no more avocados. And no one could figure out why.
[20:46]
Tom Segura
Why did this thing stop producing?
[20:48]
Kirk Fox
Why is this more of a. A lime tree now? But. Yeah. And my daughter, you know, I have a kid, I think.
[20:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think I've seen her.
[20:58]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. I don't really know. Because when I'm out on the road with you.
[21:02]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[21:02]
Kirk Fox
I don't talk to them.
[21:03]
Tom Segura
Right.
[21:04]
Kirk Fox
When. When I leave the house to come see you, the Family's dead.
[21:08]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[21:09]
Kirk Fox
Is it tough for them?
[21:11]
Tom Segura
I meant for you.
[21:12]
Kirk Fox
No.
[21:13]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[21:14]
Kirk Fox
It might be tough for them, but I don't know because we don't talk.
[21:17]
Tom Segura
When do you talk? When you talk again. When you arrive back, maybe. Yeah.
[21:20]
Kirk Fox
I'm hoping I don't have to.
[21:21]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I.
[21:23]
Kirk Fox
If I feel in my brain, if I don't talk about marriage, it'll go away. It's like when you talk about something, it gives it strength.
[21:31]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[21:32]
Kirk Fox
I. I keep it hidden.
[21:34]
Tom Segura
Hidden. Yeah.
[21:35]
Kirk Fox
But Addison, which is her name, I found out.
[21:38]
Tom Segura
Uhhuh.
[21:40]
Kirk Fox
Whenever I would go pee on a tree, she would pee on a mound with me.
[21:47]
Tom Segura
Really?
[21:48]
Kirk Fox
Excuse me. Yeah. And it was the only thing we really had in common.
[21:52]
Tom Segura
Pissing on stuff.
[21:53]
Kirk Fox
Pissing on stuff. And it ties back to, you know. You like peeing on women?
[21:58]
Tom Segura
Yeah, a hundred percent.
[21:59]
Kirk Fox
And she would be on a mound about 20ft away. She wasn't ready for the tree because there was. It's kind of on a slant, and I have to find right balance to pee on this tree.
[22:10]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[22:11]
Kirk Fox
When I pee now, I put my hands on my waist.
[22:14]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Oh.
[22:14]
Tom Segura
It's a power move.
[22:15]
Kirk Fox
It's a real king thing. Like when you. When you pee, you take your pants down still. Right.
[22:19]
Tom Segura
Right.
[22:19]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. So that's how I pee.
[22:21]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[22:22]
Kirk Fox
But Addison would stand up to pee.
[22:26]
Tom Segura
Wow.
[22:26]
Kirk Fox
She would never squat, which shows me. And I don't know if you know this, that women don't have to sit.
[22:35]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[22:36]
Kirk Fox
That's just a lazy.
[22:37]
Tom Segura
Yeah, they're just all.
[22:38]
Kirk Fox
That's a power move.
[22:39]
Tom Segura
Such dumb broads. They can just stand and just fire.
[22:42]
Kirk Fox
And shoot it out. And I did not know this till I watched, you know, a four and five year old just. And she has strong calves and she can pee, you know, standing up.
[22:53]
Tom Segura
That's amazing.
[22:54]
Kirk Fox
Like her mom, a drunk sorority girl.
[22:56]
Tom Segura
I did. I didn't know about that either until I saw. I saw a woman doing that, and it was just rocketing forward. I was like, oh, yeah. Why are you sitting on.
[23:04]
Kirk Fox
The best part of this is I would put Addison in the shoes with flashing, blinking lights on them.
[23:11]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[23:12]
Kirk Fox
Because when we pee at night, I'd often fantasize that a coyote would grab her and run with her. And I wanted to tell the cops where.
[23:24]
Tom Segura
Which direction?
[23:25]
Kirk Fox
Which direction.
[23:26]
Tom Segura
That's. It makes sense.
[23:27]
Kirk Fox
And we also have a California Condor in our backyard. And I often fantasize about the Condor grabbing my wife and kid and just leaving with them. Just leaving.
[23:40]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[23:41]
Kirk Fox
And that's, you know, a great way to go.
[23:44]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[23:44]
Kirk Fox
California Condor.
[23:45]
Tom Segura
I mean, it's front page LA Times.
[23:47]
Kirk Fox
They're almost extinct.
[23:49]
Tom Segura
So cool.
[23:49]
Kirk Fox
As my family also.
[23:51]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Almost.
[23:52]
Tom Segura
Almost is. Yeah.
[23:53]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. So that's. That's who I am.
[23:55]
Tom Segura
One thing I learned in high school about. I learned about consent. Because the first time I didn't. I didn't ask.
[24:01]
Kirk Fox
Wait, what's this word?
[24:02]
Tom Segura
Consent? You're supposed to be like, is this cool to do? Because I just peed on somebody.
[24:05]
Kirk Fox
Who? Do you get that?
[24:07]
Tom Segura
I guess the other person.
[24:08]
Kirk Fox
What?
[24:09]
Tom Segura
Yeah, I'd never. It was a new thing.
[24:11]
Kirk Fox
That's something. I have to.
[24:12]
Tom Segura
But she was laying there and she was asleep and I was like, all right, I'll just relieve myself, you know? Yeah, it was a whole thing. It was cool.
[24:19]
Kirk Fox
That was this. Intercourse or pee.
[24:21]
Tom Segura
This was just pee. Yeah.
[24:22]
Kirk Fox
Okay.
[24:22]
Tom Segura
So. But it woke her up, you know, that's good. I think she needed. I think she was late for something, so I kind of helped her in a way.
[24:28]
Kirk Fox
Did you stand to pee on her?
[24:30]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[24:31]
Kirk Fox
Now, were you sleepwalking or is this just.
[24:33]
Tom Segura
No, I was just. I was awake walking and I just saw a girl asleep.
[24:39]
Kirk Fox
And you peed on her? So that's a territorial pissing.
[24:43]
Tom Segura
It was. Yeah. It was awesome.
[24:44]
Kirk Fox
That's a Bundy move.
[24:45]
Tom Segura
I thought it was a nice way of, like. It's sort of the equivalent of giving someone a note, you know, hey, I like you. I think. I think I was doing that in a way too.
[24:52]
Kirk Fox
I do like that. I don't. I'll be honest with you, Tom. Right.
[24:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[24:57]
Kirk Fox
I don't pee on enough people. It's.
[25:00]
Tom Segura
You gotta up your game.
[25:01]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[25:02]
Tom Segura
Yeah. We could do it this weekend.
[25:04]
Kirk Fox
I'd like to. Together. That's a lot of pee.
[25:08]
Tom Segura
They could change some girl's life.
[25:09]
Kirk Fox
Definitely her speech pattern.
[25:12]
Tom Segura
That's rejected.
[25:16]
Kirk Fox
Jesus.
[25:17]
Tom Segura
Oh, man. Btk. I was watching his new documentary.
[25:23]
Kirk Fox
Did he make this himself?
[25:25]
Tom Segura
I don't think so. It was. It's.
[25:27]
Kirk Fox
It's called People Know who BTK is.
[25:30]
Tom Segura
Well, if you don't.
[25:30]
Kirk Fox
Not a breakfast sandwich.
[25:31]
Tom Segura
It's not a breakfast sandwich. It's. It's not. There's a new doc on. On Netflix called My Father is Beat. Was BTK or My father btk? Something like that. And it's. It. It follows mostly his daughter. And. And it's a. It's a great doc which shows you that this girl was like 20 something. She was like, married with a kid the day she, like, her dad got arrested.
[25:56]
Kirk Fox
And so that'd be like my family.
[25:58]
Tom Segura
It would be like your family.
[25:59]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[26:00]
Tom Segura
And they just knock on the door and they're like, hey, we. We just arrested your dad. He's btk. And they're all like, what? They completely were thrown by it. Did not think it was true. And then. Well, obviously then the. You kind of. He was the city controller, too, and I hear something.
[26:16]
Kirk Fox
He liked controlling and killing.
[26:18]
Tom Segura
He did. And I feel like one of the things that is not talked about enough in the press is the guy was really good at his job. And I think he doesn't get credit for that. He was on top of the rules of Park City, Kansas, and he would. He. He would leave.
[26:33]
Kirk Fox
You know, it's amazing how one thing can make people forget about everything else. Yeah.
[26:39]
Tom Segura
Why let the killing define.
[26:40]
Kirk Fox
And how many? Was it 10 or 11?
[26:42]
Tom Segura
Like 10.
[26:42]
Kirk Fox
That's not a lot.
[26:43]
Tom Segura
That's not that many for a controller. Yeah.
[26:46]
Kirk Fox
So he held back a hundred percent. And do they know for sure? Btk? Bound, tie. Kill.
[26:53]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Bind. Torture. Oh, yeah.
[26:57]
Kirk Fox
Oh, that's even better. So the tea wasn't for talk?
[27:00]
Tom Segura
No, there was no talking. No.
[27:03]
Kirk Fox
I bet he peed on people.
[27:05]
Tom Segura
Well, he definitely would wear lingerie and jack off, so.
[27:09]
Kirk Fox
Well, maybe. Who doesn't do that?
[27:11]
Tom Segura
Yeah, that's a new normal. Ed Gein would also put on mama's panties and jack off.
[27:17]
Kirk Fox
You know, I'd love to have.
[27:20]
Tom Segura
We probably have met some of these guys.
[27:22]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, you probably are talking to one right now. I mean, how do you really know what someone's capable of?
[27:30]
Tom Segura
You don't.
[27:31]
Kirk Fox
The guy in the dating game, you remember him?
[27:33]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[27:34]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, he was a killer and came on and was pretty charming.
[27:37]
Tom Segura
That was Alcazar. Yeah, that was there. Yeah. Rodney Alcala. There you go.
[27:45]
Kirk Fox
And he's got that good hair.
[27:47]
Tom Segura
Great hair. Ah, by the way, that's dirt.
[27:50]
Kirk Fox
I wear that same shampoo.
[27:52]
Tom Segura
Let me just tell you something. Speaking of great hair. You've got great hair.
[27:57]
Kirk Fox
Where?
[27:57]
Tom Segura
Dude, look at this head of hair.
[27:59]
Kirk Fox
Oh, I thought you said gray.
[28:00]
Tom Segura
No, no. Great.
[28:01]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, this is. This is good hair.
[28:04]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[28:04]
Kirk Fox
This is the hair of a young serial killer. Yeah.
[28:07]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[28:08]
Kirk Fox
And it just keeps coming in.
[28:09]
Tom Segura
I know. It's nice.
[28:11]
Kirk Fox
It's all I got.
[28:12]
Tom Segura
Oh, dude.
[28:13]
Kirk Fox
And long eyelashes.
[28:14]
Tom Segura
Long eyelashes.
[28:15]
Kirk Fox
I got green eyes. Long eyelashes.
[28:18]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[28:18]
Kirk Fox
Big cock. A lot of confidence. I have everything but an income.
[28:23]
Tom Segura
Well, do you really need one?
[28:25]
Kirk Fox
Clearly. I don't know. Like, at some point, man, I can just walk away.
[28:31]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[28:31]
Kirk Fox
Nothing in my name. I'm a hobo at heart.
[28:35]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[28:36]
Kirk Fox
This jacket was yours. I haven't taken it off since You've given it to me. So I just wear things till they fall off and then they become rags that I use to bind and torture.
[28:49]
Tom Segura
You're resourceful, if that's a word. Yeah.
[28:52]
Kirk Fox
Is that.
[28:53]
Tom Segura
Yeah, you're resourceful.
[28:54]
Kirk Fox
You're still stuck on consent.
[28:56]
Tom Segura
I know.
[28:56]
Kirk Fox
So that's something you ask people before you pee on them.
[28:59]
Tom Segura
I guess. Or. Or if you like any type of touching. You know.
[29:03]
Kirk Fox
I mean, that's so odd.
[29:05]
Tom Segura
I know. You go like, hey, is it cool if I do this?
[29:08]
Kirk Fox
I like to wait till after.
[29:10]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[29:10]
Kirk Fox
And then see how they feel about it.
[29:11]
Tom Segura
Yeah. And if they don't feel good, then you can just.
[29:13]
Kirk Fox
That's on them.
[29:14]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[29:14]
Kirk Fox
That's something they need to work through.
[29:16]
Tom Segura
Then you can choke harder.
[29:17]
Kirk Fox
Big fan of consent. Yeah.
[29:19]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[29:20]
Kirk Fox
I don't really like it.
[29:21]
Tom Segura
I don't like it either. So bad. As the holiday season approaches, it takes going the extra mile to stay one scoop ahead of all the strain on your system. That's where AG1 comes in. From shorter and colder days to crowded airports and holiday travel, your immune system needs all the help it can get. AG1 is chocked full of antioxidants, superfoods and B vitamins to fill nutritional gaps. It's hard not to get lost in all the holiday meals, sweets and snacking this time of year. Just One scoop of AG1 can offset the indulgence and give you your daily dose of whole foods. I love how simple it is to just take a scoop and know that you're taken care of. Help fight off the end of the year stress and disrupted habits. With the power of prebiotics, probiotics and enzymes that support regularity and gut resilience. It's such an easy way to give yourself that extra self care. I don't know how you don't do this. Just head to drinkag1.com bears to get a free welcome kit with an AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2 when you first subscribe. That's drinkag1.com bears this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
[30:34]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
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[32:16]
Tom Segura
You know, AI is the talk of the town, right? Everyone talks about the sauce. The sauce. A1 sauce.
[32:24]
Kirk Fox
Yes. Okay.
[32:26]
Tom Segura
And apparently I did not know this. Michael Caine and Matthew McConaughey. McConaughey sold their voices to an AI company. But the big thing, like, a little while ago was like, all these actors were like, oh, I don't want. But you know what's happened? That check gets big enough and they go, yeah, you can use my voice.
[32:44]
Kirk Fox
Who cares?
[32:44]
Tom Segura
I don't care.
[32:45]
Kirk Fox
Nothing really matters. And also, Michael Caine, 91.
[32:49]
Tom Segura
Yeah, he's not going to act again.
[32:50]
Kirk Fox
That was probably his last voiceover.
[32:52]
Tom Segura
Yeah. For sure.
[32:52]
Kirk Fox
For a.
[32:53]
Tom Segura
Do you know what. What they were sold for? Is there any, like, information on that? Because I bet it's. It's got to be a millions. Oh, it's got to be, dude.
[33:04]
Kirk Fox
There they are.
[33:07]
Tom Segura
Oh, an undisclosed sum. That's always.
[33:10]
Kirk Fox
That's always high.
[33:11]
Tom Segura
Yeah, it's not. It's not 100.
[33:14]
Kirk Fox
All my sums are undisclosed.
[33:16]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[33:19]
Kirk Fox
How do you unclose them?
[33:21]
Tom Segura
I don't know.
[33:22]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. AI's here, man. Also, the robots that, you know, the.
[33:27]
Tom Segura
Blow job robots that are blow job.
[33:29]
Kirk Fox
Robots seem like they'll be popular.
[33:31]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[33:33]
Kirk Fox
And they don't. They don't have to be tall.
[33:36]
Tom Segura
No.
[33:36]
Kirk Fox
So you're saving money on metal.
[33:38]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Just knee height.
[33:39]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[33:40]
Tom Segura
Pretty good.
[33:40]
Kirk Fox
I've seen a few where they added a tongue to one.
[33:43]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[33:43]
Kirk Fox
And I already put in an order. I like that job. Like, I don't want to work. Yeah. But if I could work at an AI factory.
[33:53]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[33:53]
Kirk Fox
And just stick my dick in robots, I mean, that seems like I'd get there early. It's like, bro, she's not even. You know, we haven't even plugged her in. I'm like, I'll wait.
[34:04]
Tom Segura
I'll wait. Yeah, I want to be first, though.
[34:06]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. Oh, you don't want rust.
[34:09]
Tom Segura
No.
[34:10]
Kirk Fox
Sloppy 23rd or 24th.
[34:13]
Tom Segura
Do you ever think about.
[34:15]
Kirk Fox
No.
[34:15]
Tom Segura
The age of the great serial killer is gone. Like, we're not going to have any more because, like, DNA fucking cameras are everywhere. It just fucks everything up. You can't get away with shit.
[34:29]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[34:30]
Tom Segura
You know, like, you used to be able to roam the country like a hobo.
[34:33]
Kirk Fox
God, those were the days.
[34:35]
Tom Segura
Oh, man. Just slash people and just get on a train and go to the next hill. I miss that Tommy Lynn Sells. I mean, that guy. You know him? I'd like to Google Tommy Lynn Sells. This guy was a bit of a knucklehead. And there he is.
[34:54]
Kirk Fox
Ah. Always three names, man.
[34:57]
Tom Segura
I know, I know.
[34:58]
Kirk Fox
When they. When you have that middle name that's prominent, you're gonna kill.
[35:01]
Tom Segura
If you click on his Wikipedia there.
[35:03]
Kirk Fox
He seems happy.
[35:05]
Tom Segura
He was thrilled to be doing what he did. He.
[35:11]
Kirk Fox
What did he do?
[35:12]
Tom Segura
Well, he was a drifter. He claimed to kill 70 people.
[35:17]
Kirk Fox
That's a good number.
[35:18]
Tom Segura
That's a good number.
[35:19]
Kirk Fox
That's a controller.
[35:20]
Tom Segura
22 states or. What is that it says? And at least. Oh, 22. Oh, at least 22 cases. Yeah. I mean, he was a busy boy. And he.
[35:27]
Kirk Fox
Where is he?
[35:28]
Tom Segura
He's dead.
[35:29]
Kirk Fox
Ah. You'd have him on the podcast if he wasn't.
[35:31]
Tom Segura
Oh, my God. I would love to interview Tommy. He had a real charm to him, too.
[35:36]
Kirk Fox
I can tell by the photo. He's got that look where girls want to meet that guy.
[35:40]
Tom Segura
Yeah, man. I mean, even the girls in the booth are like, damn, he's dead. That sucks.
[35:47]
Kirk Fox
Something about serial killers. They have that power. Women like to be scared.
[35:52]
Tom Segura
Yeah, they do.
[35:55]
Kirk Fox
Unless a woman likes to know that each time they fuck, it could be the last.
[36:00]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[36:01]
Kirk Fox
You know, so you go out strong.
[36:03]
Tom Segura
That is true. That's true.
[36:04]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[36:04]
Tom Segura
I like that. It says at age 10. He started. Started using narcotics at 10.
[36:10]
Kirk Fox
Now. Is that late?
[36:11]
Tom Segura
I guess so. Let's See, scroll down. Because I know he used to drift. He'd write, you know. Yeah. He train hopped across the United States. 78 to 99. That's a great 20 year run.
[36:26]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. Yeah. You can't do that now.
[36:28]
Tom Segura
No.
[36:28]
Kirk Fox
Because you know, you can't just jump on a box car. I've tried.
[36:32]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[36:33]
Kirk Fox
I did try once. I just wanted to go.
[36:35]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[36:36]
Kirk Fox
And there's a lot of people working the yards now.
[36:39]
Tom Segura
This is different.
[36:39]
Kirk Fox
And you have to be able to jump at least five feet.
[36:43]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[36:43]
Kirk Fox
And I can't. I don't have that spring. My back's out. I couldn't really kill because my back would kind of get in the way.
[36:51]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[36:52]
Kirk Fox
Like I'd start the kill and then I'd ask the woman to finish herself.
[36:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Which is not the same.
[36:57]
Kirk Fox
And they're like. Okay. And then they don't.
[37:01]
Tom Segura
They don't.
[37:01]
Kirk Fox
It's hard to kill yourself.
[37:02]
Tom Segura
Scroll a little here. He murdered at least 22 people.
[37:06]
Kirk Fox
God damn the terrible twos.
[37:11]
Tom Segura
And I think he did different methods, you know. Yeah.32 caliber pistol. And then next one.
[37:18]
Kirk Fox
So he used what he had.
[37:19]
Tom Segura
He used what? He's resourceful like you are.
[37:21]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[37:22]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[37:23]
Kirk Fox
I often think what I could kill with in just about anything.
[37:26]
Tom Segura
You think so?
[37:27]
Kirk Fox
Oh, I look around here. I could tie you up.
[37:30]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[37:31]
Kirk Fox
That boom box has a chain.
[37:32]
Tom Segura
How about this thing?
[37:34]
Kirk Fox
Oh, that's too easy.
[37:36]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Just swing that around, man.
[37:38]
Kirk Fox
And what. What is that? Is that.
[37:39]
Tom Segura
It's an. It's a weapon. I mean, you know. Let me see. Yeah.
[37:45]
Kirk Fox
Is that from high school?
[37:46]
Tom Segura
No, this was a gift.
[37:49]
Kirk Fox
That's a nice gift. Someone knows you now. Is that a butt plug?
[37:53]
Tom Segura
This?
[37:54]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[37:54]
Tom Segura
I. I would be one for an advanced user probably. But you imagine swinging this into someone's head.
[38:00]
Kirk Fox
That's a butt plug. That once it goes in, it has to stay there a while.
[38:03]
Tom Segura
It does.
[38:05]
Kirk Fox
And those are nice. I. I have a lot of weapons.
[38:09]
Tom Segura
Do you?
[38:09]
Kirk Fox
I like rusty things that bolts. Yeah. If they don't kill you, the tetanus will.
[38:14]
Tom Segura
By the way, we're friends with someone who we feel like might be into killing soon.
[38:19]
Kirk Fox
He's really close.
[38:21]
Tom Segura
He's close.
[38:22]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, he's close. And you and you. We buy. We help him get the weapons.
[38:27]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[38:28]
Kirk Fox
So we're encouraging.
[38:29]
Tom Segura
He's this close. It might be this weekend.
[38:32]
Kirk Fox
Oh, God. Well, Green Bay, Milwaukee, if you're going.
[38:35]
Tom Segura
To start killing, it's a great place.
[38:37]
Kirk Fox
Kind of where you do it. Because no one's going to investigate.
[38:40]
Tom Segura
No.
[38:41]
Kirk Fox
You know, if you die in green bay or Milwaukee, you win.
[38:44]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[38:45]
Kirk Fox
You know, it's just an easy out.
[38:47]
Tom Segura
And there's. There's lots of, you know, nate farms and, like, woods, and you can just discard somebody.
[38:54]
Kirk Fox
How do you think he'll do it?
[38:56]
Tom Segura
That's the thing, is that I see the rage growing, and then you see the rage trying. Tried to be suppressed, which makes it. You see it physically manifest in the person.
[39:07]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[39:07]
Tom Segura
So I think we're gonna see something more explosive. I don't think it's going to be a controlled, methodical kill. I think it's just going to be like, you know, she said so.
[39:17]
Kirk Fox
It's so bottled up.
[39:18]
Tom Segura
It's bottled up. He's gonna be like, yeah. She said they didn't have any ice, and I just kind of snapped or.
[39:23]
Kirk Fox
She didn't say thank you.
[39:24]
Tom Segura
I just bashed her.
[39:25]
Kirk Fox
That's the one. If. If you don't say thank you to him, your life is on the line.
[39:30]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[39:30]
Kirk Fox
And he's got weapons and now the outfit. Wears black. I mean, if he was still in high school, he would have already just gunned down the cafeteria. He's built for it.
[39:43]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I think it's gonna be a real explosive day.
[39:46]
Kirk Fox
But he's got a good body.
[39:47]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[39:48]
Kirk Fox
I think in prison he'd be popular.
[39:50]
Tom Segura
Really popular.
[39:51]
Kirk Fox
Just because even the prisoners would be.
[39:53]
Tom Segura
Like, God, dude, good body, good body.
[39:56]
Kirk Fox
Lighten up.
[39:57]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I think in prison, though, you just. You can't get the protein you want. So that would probably fade, you know, because you need. He needs a couple hundred grams a day.
[40:07]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. He'd fade away.
[40:08]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:10]
Kirk Fox
I think about prison.
[40:11]
Tom Segura
Do you?
[40:12]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, I. I think I'd like it just because at home I have to stay up late.
[40:19]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:20]
Kirk Fox
To watch TV with my wife.
[40:21]
Tom Segura
Do you like that?
[40:23]
Kirk Fox
I don't like it.
[40:24]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:25]
Kirk Fox
I don't want to have to do anything.
[40:26]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:27]
Kirk Fox
Like, when I'm in bed with her watching murder, I just imagine she's dead by whatever show I'm watching. But, yeah, I think about prison because you get to go to bed early. Nice lights out at, you know, 10:30.
[40:45]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:45]
Kirk Fox
And then you just, you know, the screams keep you up. But it's like a white noise machine, which I like. Yeah. Soothing.
[40:54]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:55]
Kirk Fox
I like to say I sleep with a white noise machine. Her name is Jaron and she's white. And every night I go to bed, I ask her about her day, and I fall asleep immediately.
[41:05]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Drift off.
[41:06]
Kirk Fox
Except I wake up and she's still going.
[41:08]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[41:10]
Kirk Fox
So. Yeah. So, yeah, I think I'm married. That's fun. That's fun. Marriage is good.
[41:18]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[41:18]
Kirk Fox
You know, I'm surprised more people don't do it.
[41:21]
Tom Segura
I wonder what it's like at supermax.
[41:23]
Kirk Fox
At super what?
[41:24]
Tom Segura
Supermax in Colorado.
[41:26]
Kirk Fox
The. The prison.
[41:27]
Tom Segura
The prison. Yeah.
[41:29]
Kirk Fox
I bet it's, you know, focused.
[41:31]
Tom Segura
Yeah, I bet.
[41:33]
Kirk Fox
You know where you're supposed to be.
[41:35]
Tom Segura
El Chapo. Is there.
[41:36]
Kirk Fox
Is he?
[41:36]
Tom Segura
Yeah. And some other real knuckleheads. Who's that? Who's that? Supermax right now. What are some, like, well known prisoners at Supermax? I bet it's a, it's a who's who. It's a good list.
[41:47]
Kirk Fox
I. I would like to do comedy at, like, Pelican Bay. Yeah, I think about that because no phones, they're quiet.
[41:55]
Tom Segura
Stand up for prisoners would be amazing. I would love to do that.
[41:58]
Kirk Fox
And their little teardrop, you know, when it, when it moves a little, they're either laughing or thinking about murder.
[42:04]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[42:05]
Kirk Fox
You know, so I, I love that.
[42:07]
Tom Segura
Somebody did a stand up show. One of our friends. I forget who it was.
[42:11]
Kirk Fox
That doesn't count.
[42:13]
Tom Segura
No, but they were saying that was Jeff Ross. Jeff. And I think maybe Jeff said. I forget if it was Jeff or somebody who told me that. He was like, where are the murderers? Yeah. And it was all the front row.
[42:23]
Kirk Fox
Oh, good seats.
[42:25]
Tom Segura
They put them all in the front.
[42:26]
Kirk Fox
That's like courtside.
[42:27]
Tom Segura
Yeah, Courtside seats for the, for the.
[42:29]
Kirk Fox
Killers and the weren't there because they were already dead.
[42:32]
Tom Segura
Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
[42:34]
Kirk Fox
In prison, I'd have to convince the prison that I'm not. That it was just rolls of I played.
[42:42]
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah, yeah. True.
[42:44]
Kirk Fox
I often think, though, Tom. Right, Tom.
[42:49]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[42:51]
Kirk Fox
That I don't always play a sex offender.
[42:54]
Tom Segura
Right.
[42:55]
Kirk Fox
But even when I don't.
[42:57]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[42:58]
Kirk Fox
My character is still thinking about it. That's kind of.
[43:03]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[43:03]
Kirk Fox
It seems to always be on my.
[43:05]
Tom Segura
Mind and it, it, it reads on camera. Yeah, I've seen it. I've seen a lot of your work.
[43:10]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[43:11]
Tom Segura
I can always tell, like, oh, that guy's an offender.
[43:13]
Kirk Fox
Y. They're like, you know, when I have to play a sex offender, it's like, you know, what do you want me to do? And they're like, just be you.
[43:20]
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah. You know, just, you know, what would you do? Right here.
[43:24]
Kirk Fox
I'm doing it.
[43:25]
Tom Segura
Yeah. And they're like, oh, perfect.
[43:27]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, it's just, you know, dude, check.
[43:30]
Tom Segura
Out this list of notable inmates for Supermax. Ted Kaczynski, Teddy Robert Hansen, the former FBI agent convicted of espionage. Terry Nichols, who also helped plan Oklahoma City. Eric. Robert.
[43:43]
Kirk Fox
You know that after the Oklahoma City bombing, I applied to the FBI?
[43:48]
Tom Segura
You did?
[43:49]
Kirk Fox
I did. I wanted to be an FBI agent.
[43:52]
Tom Segura
Really?
[43:52]
Kirk Fox
Yes. Tom, I. It just seems like everything I say is. Yeah, but it's true.
[43:57]
Tom Segura
What happened?
[43:59]
Kirk Fox
I got pretty far along and then one of them saw Wyatt Earp. And I had a little part in Wyatt Earp. And so they didn't think I was serious serious. They thought I was just doing it as a. A prank. And I. I told them I really wanted to just be an FBI agent.
[44:17]
Tom Segura
That's cool.
[44:18]
Kirk Fox
But it didn't happen. They wanted me to have some accounting background and I didn't know much about numbers. Yeah, but they. I like the fact that if I was an FBI agent, I could just kind of, you know, float through life with a gun.
[44:32]
Tom Segura
You know, my grandfather was FBI.
[44:33]
Kirk Fox
Was he?
[44:34]
Tom Segura
Yeah, my dad's dad. Yeah.
[44:38]
Kirk Fox
See, that's the advantage of a podcast like this. I. That would have never come up.
[44:42]
Tom Segura
I know.
[44:43]
Kirk Fox
So now I know more about you. I don't need to.
[44:45]
Tom Segura
And then I was like. One day I was going through his papers and I found a handwritten note from J. Edgar Hoover to my granddad.
[44:52]
Kirk Fox
They were dating.
[44:53]
Tom Segura
He was. I mean, I think they were exchanging bras and.
[44:58]
Kirk Fox
They peed on each other.
[45:00]
Tom Segura
That would be amazing.
[45:01]
Kirk Fox
I bet J. Edgar Hoover did a lot of peeing on. Oh my God. Special agents.
[45:06]
Tom Segura
That, that was a time where there was no such thing as like HR or like code of conduct.
[45:11]
Kirk Fox
Waterproof seersucker suits.
[45:16]
Tom Segura
Who else is there? Richard Reed, the shoe bombers there. Zacharias Moussa, the convicted in 9, 11 attacks. Ramsey Yousef, convicted of orchestrating the 93 World Trade center bombing and El Chapo. They're all at this. Or they either were or are at this prison. That is nuts.
[45:35]
Kirk Fox
I wonder if they all love that same table.
[45:37]
Tom Segura
Yeah, that would be amazing.
[45:39]
Kirk Fox
I mean, that's a good group of guys.
[45:40]
Tom Segura
Scroll down a little bit. Let's see these details. So to how inmates consider the most dangerous, high profile, greatest national security risk, making them too dangerous for even a standard maximum security prison. There's only 340 inmates there.
[45:58]
Kirk Fox
So it's intimate.
[45:59]
Tom Segura
Yeah, it's close.
[45:59]
Kirk Fox
You get to know where you want to be. You want to be at a prison where you know everybody?
[46:03]
Tom Segura
Will you. Will you Google do they get to. Or do they get to socialize? Do people at supermax and college.
[46:08]
Kirk Fox
Do they get to.
[46:09]
Tom Segura
Do they get. Yeah.
[46:13]
Kirk Fox
I mean that's got to be a top Question. See prisons. Prison's a place to go. There's a lot of sports in prison now.
[46:23]
Tom Segura
Damn, dude. Minimal, highly restricted opportunities for social. The prison is specifically designed for isolation. Most in may spend 23 hours a day alone in their sales. Man, that is rough.
[46:35]
Kirk Fox
I do that.
[46:36]
Tom Segura
Yeah, you like that, right?
[46:37]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[46:37]
Tom Segura
Soundproof cells.
[46:39]
Kirk Fox
Soundproof. You can't hear the crying.
[46:41]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Holy.
[46:42]
Tom Segura
They're allowed one hour of wreck in a small, enclosed concrete pen. This prevents them from seeing them.
[46:49]
Kirk Fox
So they're like rescue dogs that haven't been rescued.
[46:52]
Tom Segura
Yeah, they really are.
[46:52]
Kirk Fox
And that no one wants them.
[46:55]
Tom Segura
They yell through air vents to communicate. Wow.
[47:00]
Kirk Fox
That's kind of like when I grew up, because I'd have to yell up to my grandma.
[47:05]
Tom Segura
You are designed for prison.
[47:06]
Kirk Fox
I am in prison right now.
[47:08]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[47:10]
Kirk Fox
I'm wired for it.
[47:11]
Tom Segura
Yeah, you are.
[47:12]
Kirk Fox
I travel light. This outfit, I've had on for two weeks. I do change my underwear.
[47:19]
Tom Segura
That's good.
[47:20]
Kirk Fox
Do you know when I change them?
[47:21]
Tom Segura
When.
[47:22]
Kirk Fox
When I take them off to shower and they stay standing?
[47:27]
Tom Segura
Oh, then you go, it's time to.
[47:28]
Kirk Fox
When I put them on the ground and they don't tip.
[47:30]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Then you're like, it's time for it.
[47:32]
Kirk Fox
It's like, oh, I'll put on a freshie.
[47:33]
Tom Segura
You are made to be a drifter.
[47:35]
Kirk Fox
Oh, I. I am.
[47:36]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[47:37]
Kirk Fox
My dad was.
[47:38]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[47:41]
Kirk Fox
He drifted on a 1947 Indian Chief motorcycle. That's how he got around.
[47:46]
Tom Segura
That's cool.
[47:47]
Kirk Fox
With his dog Bruce, on the gas tank. He had a little Australian jumper, and Bruce wore goggles. And Bruce was on the gas tank wherever my dad went.
[47:57]
Tom Segura
That's cool.
[47:58]
Kirk Fox
And when Bruce turned around to my dad, my dad knew to pull over and let Bruce pee.
[48:04]
Tom Segura
Really?
[48:05]
Kirk Fox
On a girl? If there was one.
[48:07]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah.
[48:08]
Kirk Fox
And then when my dad would kick over the. The Indian motorcycle, Bruce would come running and jump back on.
[48:15]
Tom Segura
Holy.
[48:16]
Kirk Fox
And one time, sadly. I don't know how you respond to sadness.
[48:22]
Tom Segura
I don't know.
[48:23]
Kirk Fox
But my dad kicked over the. The motorcycle, and Bruce did not come running. And my dad found Bruce. He'd been hit by a police car.
[48:33]
Tom Segura
No.
[48:34]
Kirk Fox
So my dad lifted up Bruce, put him on the gas tank, and drove him home to. To the house where I grew up in. Where. The same house my mom grew up in. And he took Bruce and he dipped his hand in Bruce's blood, and he wrote Bruce on a wall of the washer dryer room. And that's where Bruce's name was on the wall for the rest of. Kind of like Helter Skelter.
[49:04]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[49:05]
Kirk Fox
Little Charles Manson.
[49:06]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[49:07]
Kirk Fox
So that's why we thought my dad was probably a murderer, because he wrote Bruce in blood and we didn't even know he could spell. My dad wasn't much of a speller, I don't think. He kind of got his high school diploma in his 60s.
[49:24]
Tom Segura
Really?
[49:24]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. He went back and thought it would maybe help him get work, but it did not.
[49:30]
Tom Segura
No.
[49:31]
Kirk Fox
But he got his high school diploma at, you know, 60.
[49:35]
Tom Segura
Wow.
[49:35]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[49:36]
Tom Segura
That's impressive to go back and get it, though.
[49:37]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[49:38]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Because you don't need it at that age.
[49:41]
Kirk Fox
No. You don't even need it at 18. Right. But, yeah, he. He got his high school diploma.
[49:49]
Tom Segura
That's cool.
[49:50]
Kirk Fox
He was really happy with that.
[49:51]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[49:52]
Kirk Fox
But my dad was interesting. No Novocaine. He'd have teeth pulled.
[49:57]
Tom Segura
Jesus.
[49:57]
Kirk Fox
With no Novocaine.
[49:59]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[50:00]
Kirk Fox
At one time, he cut the tip of his thumb off and he said, ah, hell. That's all he said. With his butt. With his buzz saw.
[50:09]
Tom Segura
Jesus.
[50:09]
Kirk Fox
So I think, looking back now, since I've never really talked about this out loud.
[50:16]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[50:16]
Kirk Fox
I think he was a. A serial killer.
[50:18]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[50:19]
Kirk Fox
I'm going to do a little more research, but it looks like maybe.
[50:24]
Tom Segura
Possible.
[50:26]
Kirk Fox
Possible, yeah.
[50:27]
Tom Segura
Jeff Tate also has a really good. He has, like, a detailed outline of why he believes his father may have been the Zodiac Killer.
[50:36]
Kirk Fox
That's possible.
[50:37]
Tom Segura
As pretty. As pretty.
[50:38]
Kirk Fox
You have a good fantasy. It's nice to fantasize. You know, a lot of people wish their dad was a major league baseball player, but, you know, a serial killer.
[50:48]
Tom Segura
It's great. It's great.
[50:50]
Kirk Fox
He had. Because of his size, Jeff Tate.
[50:54]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[50:54]
Kirk Fox
Tall.
[50:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[50:55]
Kirk Fox
Kind of lumbering. The Zodiac was a big guy. Yeah, I see it.
[51:00]
Tom Segura
I could see it.
[51:00]
Kirk Fox
What's one of the details?
[51:02]
Tom Segura
Oh, my God. It's. It's incredible. It's like when the murders began in the. I think the San Francisco area is the year that his. The year after his dad moved to San Francisco. Like, psychological profile things. His dad was, you know, a certain personality type, and he's like. That matched what the FBI said.
[51:23]
Kirk Fox
Did his dad go back and get his high school diploma at 60?
[51:26]
Tom Segura
I don't know about that. I don't know about that.
[51:28]
Kirk Fox
To me, is.
[51:29]
Tom Segura
But he had a good cover. He was the pastor, you know, so it was like sort of like BTK was. He was the president of the congregation.
[51:36]
Kirk Fox
President. I mean, people voted for him.
[51:38]
Tom Segura
They were like, he's the good guy. Yeah. It's pretty good stuff. Controller, controlling man. Very controlling. Yeah. I mean, it Would be fun to see if you can get away with something like that, right?
[51:50]
Kirk Fox
Are you asking me?
[51:51]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah.
[51:52]
Kirk Fox
Or yeah, it's fun to see if you can get away with me. Yeah.
[51:58]
Tom Segura
That's just, I mean, I just can't believe how good the, the feeling is. No, I meant how good. Sorry, the, the, the forensics are today.
[52:09]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, we can. It's. If you're gonna kill.
[52:13]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[52:13]
Kirk Fox
Today, you should know that you're probably one and done.
[52:18]
Tom Segura
That's the thing. And that's the real bummer. That's why we don't have the bummers.
[52:21]
Kirk Fox
You have to do it all in one night.
[52:24]
Tom Segura
You do. Or this. And this takes real discipline. And this is why we don't see this as much anymore. You have to have no pattern. You have to be like, so disciplined that you're gonna kill someone in Maine and then your next one, instead of like sticking to the neighborhood, you know, the next was gonna be in like South Carolina. So they don't tie these together. Yeah, but like, who has that level of commitment, discipline, perseverance?
[52:47]
Kirk Fox
Hopefully someone listening to this goes, hey, and goes like, tom is right. I'll do one in Maine and then I'll go down to Miami.
[52:56]
Tom Segura
Yeah, that's, that's how you can start building numbers.
[53:00]
Kirk Fox
And you're also collecting miles.
[53:02]
Tom Segura
That's true.
[53:03]
Kirk Fox
So you can fly free to your last. Your last murder.
[53:07]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[53:07]
Kirk Fox
That's when you get greedy.
[53:09]
Tom Segura
Or there was. Who was the guy? Did you know the guy? I think his name is on the wall at the Bruce Comedy Magic Club.
[53:18]
Kirk Fox
Huh.
[53:19]
Tom Segura
That signature is there. And he was a star search comedian that was like, had some, he had some heat with him and then they found out that he was assaulting people on tour and they tied it together by putting together. You know what I'm talking about?
[53:37]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, he was.
[53:40]
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah.
[53:41]
Kirk Fox
After shows he'd someone in there and.
[53:43]
Tom Segura
They were like, oh, this lines up with everywhere. He was doing stand up.
[53:47]
Kirk Fox
That's not bad. Was it people at his show?
[53:49]
Tom Segura
I don't know. I really don't know because I try.
[53:52]
Kirk Fox
And make sure it's no one I know.
[53:54]
Tom Segura
I don't. Yeah, I, I, I never met the guy. It was before my time, but I forget his name. Can you find it based on that comedian?
[54:04]
Kirk Fox
Just Google comedian and scroll past me. I'm kidding, man. I get that word. What is it? Consent.
[54:16]
Tom Segura
Vince.
[54:17]
Kirk Fox
Champ.
[54:17]
Tom Segura
That's his name.
[54:19]
Kirk Fox
Isn't that the Shamwow guy?
[54:25]
Tom Segura
It's a different guy.
[54:26]
Kirk Fox
Oh, okay. Same outcome.
[54:29]
Tom Segura
Hit his wiki. Yeah.
[54:33]
Kirk Fox
Now where is he?
[54:34]
Tom Segura
Is he 30 to 40 years?
[54:37]
Kirk Fox
Is he in jail?
[54:38]
Tom Segura
Yeah, he gets released in 2033.
[54:41]
Kirk Fox
Oh.
[54:42]
Tom Segura
After which he will begin to consecutive life sentences in Iowa. Never mind, he's not getting out.
[54:47]
Kirk Fox
Wait, so that was a plus. Murder.
[54:51]
Tom Segura
I don't know. First place in comedy.
[54:54]
Kirk Fox
First place.
[54:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[54:56]
Kirk Fox
So he's of the champ, Vince.
[54:58]
Tom Segura
Champ is a champ. Yeah.
[55:00]
Kirk Fox
It's tough when your name dictates what you do with your life.
[55:04]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
I know.
[55:05]
Tom Segura
Let's see. Physically attacking his 17 year old girlfriend in 96. He was 35 at the time. Nice, nice. And then here are the attacks linked to Champ. University of Iowa. He did one in Lincoln. Where? University.
[55:22]
Kirk Fox
So these are college gigs.
[55:23]
Tom Segura
College gigs, yeah. Which means he might have had a clean act, which is like. I'm telling you, these clean comics are the scariest dudes on the planet.
[55:32]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. The guys that once they get off stage, they murder.
[55:36]
Tom Segura
Well, yeah, they suppress so much of their darkness.
[55:38]
Kirk Fox
Like our friend, that's going to murder pretty soon.
[55:42]
Tom Segura
Let's see this. So he was arrested fleeing the scene of an attempt in Pasadena. He was arrested at his apartment in Hollywood. He was arrested at Newark Airport.
[55:53]
Kirk Fox
So he was getting around.
[55:54]
Tom Segura
He was getting around.
[55:55]
Kirk Fox
So he was on the road and.
[55:57]
Tom Segura
Oh, at the time they said his booking agents commented that his schedule resembled a roadmap of where these crimes occurred. Yeah, in prison. Champ. Champ taught public speaking. Oh, nice. He. That's cool. He were, you know, communication.
[56:14]
Kirk Fox
I'd love to see what the picture draws if you connected all his dates.
[56:18]
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah.
[56:19]
Kirk Fox
Maybe just a penis, which is. Yeah.
[56:22]
Tom Segura
Can you, can you google his image and like maybe if there's a video. All right, there he is doing a.
[56:29]
Kirk Fox
Stand up and he appears black or is that just.
[56:32]
Tom Segura
He is. Yeah, yeah, he is.
[56:34]
Kirk Fox
Now is that a cover?
[56:36]
Tom Segura
I don't think so.
[56:37]
Kirk Fox
Okay, so he was black.
[56:38]
Tom Segura
He was. Yes. Click on video at the top. Yeah, let's see if there's.
[56:44]
Kirk Fox
He had a tight five.
[56:46]
Tom Segura
He must have. Dude, that's.
[56:50]
Kirk Fox
I wonder if he did his act while he was.
[56:53]
Tom Segura
I want to see him do stand up. Is that him?
[56:56]
Kirk Fox
I wonder if he. He's doing sets in prison.
[56:58]
Tom Segura
Maybe go to YouTube and type in Vince, Champ, stand up. Let's see if we can. Let's just see him do a tight.
[57:05]
Kirk Fox
Yeah, you know, we got time.
[57:07]
Tom Segura
Yeah, I want to just see what.
[57:08]
Kirk Fox
Oh, we. We've clearly have enough for some strong clips for sure. We, we don't need much more.
[57:14]
Tom Segura
I also like that the club kept his name up on the wall. They're like. Well, he earned it. He's a. He's a funny guy.
[57:20]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. He had some good sets here.
[57:22]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[57:23]
Kirk Fox
Comedy and magic is clean.
[57:25]
Tom Segura
They are. Yeah. And he probably was a star there.
[57:28]
Kirk Fox
He probably. I wonder if he did something in that area.
[57:33]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[57:34]
Kirk Fox
Like if he had some salmon there after a set on the beach.
[57:40]
Tom Segura
Oh, there. Is that him there at the top. Finding anything?
[57:44]
Kirk Fox
I like that. They didn't take any of his stuff down.
[57:47]
Tom Segura
Is this him here?
[57:48]
Kirk Fox
The other rapist comedian? That was his name of his set.
[57:52]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Okay.
[57:55]
Tom Segura
Is he actually performing there or. No, no, it's just music.
[57:59]
Kirk Fox
Oh, oh, he's a musician also. This guy keeps getting better.
[58:03]
Tom Segura
He's a talented guy.
[58:05]
Kirk Fox
Vince. Champ, man.
[58:07]
Tom Segura
That's quite a sentence he's got.
[58:09]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. There had to be more.
[58:11]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[58:14]
Kirk Fox
Is real life sentence. Can you look that up quickly?
[58:16]
Tom Segura
I mean that would be state by state, right?
[58:20]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[58:20]
Tom Segura
Because it's not a federal. It's a state thing. Yeah. Penalties vary significantly.
[58:27]
Kirk Fox
So he was good at it.
[58:28]
Tom Segura
He was. He really had a thing. Yeah. Well, he was also good at stand up, but.
[58:33]
Kirk Fox
And he wasn't murdering. He was just wrong.
[58:36]
Tom Segura
Yeah. So big control guy.
[58:38]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. But what that means is that he's actually them.
[58:43]
Tom Segura
Right.
[58:43]
Kirk Fox
Whenever can't get an erection, that's when they murder you.
[58:48]
Tom Segura
Oh really?
[58:49]
Kirk Fox
So you don't tell your friends?
[58:50]
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah. But he was.
[58:52]
Kirk Fox
That's just something I know.
[58:53]
Tom Segura
How do you know that?
[58:55]
Kirk Fox
I've talked to. Oh, you know, I was. I studied. You don't know this behavioral profiling in college.
[59:02]
Tom Segura
You did?
[59:03]
Kirk Fox
Yes, I was going to be.
[59:04]
Tom Segura
This is another thing we've never discussed.
[59:06]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. We don't talk about much if we're not peeing on someone.
[59:09]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[59:09]
Kirk Fox
We run out of to talk about.
[59:11]
Tom Segura
That is true.
[59:12]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Yeah.
[59:12]
Kirk Fox
We don't really care about the past, but. Yeah. I was going to be a behavioral profiler for the FBI. That was what I wanted to do. Like John Douglas.
[59:20]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[59:20]
Kirk Fox
Because I seem to know what serial killers are thinking and I thought it'd be great if I could find a few, you know, it'd be cool.
[59:29]
Tom Segura
Dude, why don't you reapply to the FBI?
[59:33]
Kirk Fox
I should.
[59:34]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[59:35]
Kirk Fox
Could I work like 20 minute shifts maybe? Yeah, I. I even tried. I thought about the police academy. These are all things I've thought about.
[59:45]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[59:45]
Kirk Fox
And then I just move on.
[59:48]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Yeah.
[59:48]
Tom Segura
I think FBI would be cool.
[59:49]
Kirk Fox
You have more follow through than me. That's why you have the podcast. And I'm here reluctantly. I know, but we're almost done. We've almost Fulfilled my obligation.
[60:01]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[60:02]
Kirk Fox
The real problem with this was I had to take an Uber here, so I'm already out $20.
[60:10]
Tom Segura
I'm gonna cover it.
[60:11]
Kirk Fox
No, I don't want your money.
[60:12]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[60:13]
Kirk Fox
But usually when I'm at the hotel, Kier pays for my Uber to the airport.
[60:19]
Tom Segura
Right.
[60:20]
Kirk Fox
So when you said, you know the guy that works for you. I don't even know his name.
[60:24]
Tom Segura
Don't worry about it.
[60:24]
Kirk Fox
Good hair.
[60:25]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[60:25]
Kirk Fox
But he said, will you come do a podcast with Tom? And I would. I didn't want to.
[60:32]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[60:33]
Kirk Fox
But here I am out 20. We've had some. Some fun. There's been some laughter. Yeah. I'm sure police and FBI have take note.
[60:43]
Tom Segura
Sure.
[60:43]
Kirk Fox
Of this. This is kind of like. He's so obvious. Maybe he is a killer. Yeah, that's kind of a. A way.
[60:52]
Tom Segura
That is kind of a way.
[60:53]
Kirk Fox
It's like, oh, well, he's so obvious. Of course he's not a killer. And then he turns out to be like Basic Instinct.
[60:58]
Tom Segura
Hiding in plain sight. Yeah.
[60:59]
Kirk Fox
Like, I've opened my legs. Tw. And no underwear. But no one noticed.
[61:04]
Tom Segura
No one noticed. Yeah.
[61:05]
Kirk Fox
That's a little Basic Instinct.
[61:07]
Tom Segura
That is consent.
[61:09]
Kirk Fox
I love that.
[61:10]
Tom Segura
You got to be a good community.
[61:11]
Kirk Fox
Member, you know, Controller.
[61:13]
Tom Segura
Yeah. You know what you need to do next?
[61:15]
Kirk Fox
I can't wait till my daughter turns me in.
[61:18]
Tom Segura
That will be a thing. You got to do some. You got to do some, like, community service type of thing as more cover, you know, like, volunteer a lot. Do you.
[61:30]
Kirk Fox
When my child was in early school. What is it, kindergarten?
[61:36]
Tom Segura
Something like that. Yeah.
[61:37]
Kirk Fox
I would go there and I would read books to her classroom.
[61:41]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[61:42]
Kirk Fox
And she went to, like, a Jewish school.
[61:47]
Tom Segura
Jesus.
[61:48]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Why?
[61:48]
Kirk Fox
I did not know my daughter was Jewish.
[61:51]
Tom Segura
Oh, you didn't?
[61:51]
Kirk Fox
I still don't. But I noticed a lot of people at the school had on the hat.
[61:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[61:56]
Kirk Fox
The little circle. And I asked my wife. Oh, Temple Israel.
[62:00]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[62:01]
Kirk Fox
And that should have been a giveaway.
[62:03]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[62:04]
Kirk Fox
But I would read to the school, so that's a pretty good cover.
[62:08]
Tom Segura
That is a good cover. Like, oh, he loves reading to children. Yeah. That is a good one.
[62:13]
Kirk Fox
And some would sit on my lap, and then the parents would quickly lift them off.
[62:16]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah.
[62:18]
Kirk Fox
So I think a lot of this shit will come back to haunt me if I had shame.
[62:25]
Tom Segura
Right. But you don't.
[62:27]
Kirk Fox
I don't.
[62:27]
Tom Segura
No.
[62:28]
Kirk Fox
My favorite character was Blade in community.
[62:31]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Huh.
[62:32]
Kirk Fox
Britta's boyfriend. I was a carney, and I had no shame, and that's why I was getting all the. The chicks.
[62:42]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[62:42]
Kirk Fox
Because I took a bolt in the head and it eliminated shame.
[62:47]
Tom Segura
Prefrontal cortex probably. Yeah.
[62:50]
Kirk Fox
I didn't finish med school, but I started.
[62:53]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[62:53]
Kirk Fox
I did a week in med school. Look who we got. Okay. We should go out on this. Yeah.
[63:00]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Different from most black comedians because I have a black girlfriend. So, you know, I am. People got that back there.
[63:11]
Kirk Fox
Charming. Charming.
[63:12]
Guest or Additional Comedian
I really do consider myself quite different from most comics.
[63:15]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
I.
[63:15]
Guest or Additional Comedian
A standup comic. Travel great deal. Don't drink or smoke. Can you believe that? Do a little heroin on occasion.
[63:21]
Kirk Fox
Don't.
[63:22]
Guest or Additional Comedian
But it's a. It's a wacky world. We live in a new age. Dayton's getting expensive. Everyone's dating. We're married right here. Right? Is that right? We're a married couple. Dayton's gonna get expensive. I can see why people go ahead and get married.
[63:31]
Kirk Fox
Geez.
[63:32]
Guest or Additional Comedian
75 bucks for dinner. 50 bucks for drinks and dancing. 10 bucks for the motel.
[63:38]
Kirk Fox
Sounds just like Obama.
[63:40]
Guest or Additional Comedian
That doesn't include the 100 bucks you gotta pay her. I mean, you know, I can get up.
[63:45]
Tom Segura
Well crafted well.
[63:46]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
New era.
[63:47]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Confident 90s. All of our home appliances are going to be talking back to us. Home appliances talking back to us. Kind of scary. Picture your vacuum cleaner getting real mad at you one day. You want me to suck?
[63:58]
Tom Segura
What?
[64:04]
Kirk Fox
I might snag a few of these jokes. He's not going to need them.
[64:09]
Tom Segura
Definitely not.
[64:09]
Kirk Fox
I bet this guy has one regret.
[64:11]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Americans. I don't know if that sits too well with me. You know, that means. It means they might have to change the NAACP to the naaa. Which to me kind of sounds like.
[64:20]
Kirk Fox
Nah, Just killing. He's killing. And that's his one regret. I bet.
[64:26]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[64:26]
Kirk Fox
That he did not kill.
[64:28]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[64:28]
Kirk Fox
The women.
[64:30]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Caucasian. Every now and then. Sound Caucasian. Kind of silly. I suppose. I guess it does come in handy every now and then when I'm on the phone with the bank trying to get that loan approved.
[64:44]
Kirk Fox
I miss him.
[64:45]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Cops have no sense of humor. Is it just me? Are cops always mad? Always upset? Always teed off? Pull up alongside a cop I would.
[64:52]
Kirk Fox
Have liked to have opened for him.
[64:53]
Tom Segura
That'd be fun.
[64:54]
Kirk Fox
And just wait in the car. Right?
[64:55]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Or am I wrong?
[64:56]
Kirk Fox
And then hear about it?
[64:57]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Driving just past the club here the other day doing about 70 square feet, but minded my own business.
[65:02]
Tom Segura
He's charismatic.
[65:03]
Guest or Additional Comedian
I had the nerve to pull me over and holler.
[65:05]
Kirk Fox
I'd have trouble saying no to him.
[65:06]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Forty, I said. Daddy.
[65:07]
Tom Segura
No.
[65:07]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Man. Give me a break. I've been drinking.
[65:13]
Kirk Fox
And he's doing a.
[65:14]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Few lives where you coming from wise guy? Oh, I just dropped your wife off.
[65:21]
Kirk Fox
I could see him with the comedy of magic club.
[65:23]
Tom Segura
Oh he's crushing dude. Yeah, he would be great there.
[65:26]
Guest or Additional Comedian
What about the flash stops flashlight Scotts carry on 145D cell batteries. You know what I'm talking about. Catch that baby just right. You're like a freaking possum there, aren't you? He's kind of frozen there.
[65:36]
Tom Segura
My life doing faces. Physical stuff.
[65:39]
Kirk Fox
Jesus.
[65:40]
Tom Segura
Clever writing. We got to start a petition together.
[65:43]
Kirk Fox
I gotta be honest. It's a shame he got caught.
[65:46]
Guest or Additional Comedian
That's no problem.
[65:47]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[65:47]
Kirk Fox
He'd be, he'd be doing movies right now with Eddie Murphy.
[65:50]
Tom Segura
Oh yeah.
[65:52]
Guest or Additional Comedian
Charles. Now is that the deal? Don't turn away.
[65:55]
Kirk Fox
God.
[65:56]
Tom Segura
Well, here's the question.
[65:59]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. We've seen enough. I get it.
[66:03]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[66:04]
Kirk Fox
He's good.
[66:04]
Tom Segura
He's good.
[66:05]
Kirk Fox
Do you think and we can go out on this. Do you think someone that night, the night. That night set.
[66:14]
Tom Segura
Oh maybe it gives him pep you're saying?
[66:16]
Kirk Fox
Yeah.
[66:16]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[66:16]
Kirk Fox
I think when you crush is when you go.
[66:20]
Tom Segura
When he's at his highest.
[66:21]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. That's why I'm always pretty mediocre. I ride the middle just to avoid.
[66:29]
Tom Segura
Because he probably if he did poorly.
[66:32]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. Can't get it up.
[66:33]
Tom Segura
Yeah. But on a great set always dripping.
[66:36]
Kirk Fox
That's why I'm an edger.
[66:38]
Tom Segura
Yeah. That's true. Okay. Well this was a fun chat.
[66:43]
Kirk Fox
Yes. We. I learned a lot.
[66:45]
Tom Segura
Yeah, me too. I have stuff about you. We've been talking. We talk like every day. For years I didn't.
[66:50]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. But it's mostly urine based.
[66:52]
Tom Segura
Yeah. This is like a deeper so.
[66:55]
Kirk Fox
Yeah. I'm a college graduate. I've had hopes and dreams.
[66:58]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[66:59]
Kirk Fox
FBI. I, I, I have wanted to do all the things that most serial killers want to do.
[67:05]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[67:05]
Kirk Fox
Law enforcement. You know, my marriage is a cover. It's all that.
[67:12]
Tom Segura
It's all that. And I think you know, even though you didn't get into the FBI. I feel like the FBI is going to get a hold of this episode.
[67:19]
Kirk Fox
I'll let him.
[67:20]
Tom Segura
And you might, you might hear from them.
[67:22]
Kirk Fox
I might finally get to be in the FBI.
[67:25]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[67:25]
Kirk Fox
At least their offices.
[67:27]
Tom Segura
Exactly. Yeah. You might get to see the inside of the interrogation room.
[67:31]
Kirk Fox
Oh I. Here's the dream.
[67:34]
Tom Segura
Tell me.
[67:35]
Kirk Fox
Cellmate with Vince. Champ.
[67:37]
Tom Segura
Oh wow.
[67:39]
Kirk Fox
Let's find out where he's at and maybe if I can, you know, request it.
[67:43]
Tom Segura
Imagine the stories you guys would swap.
[67:46]
Kirk Fox
Jesus. Kid can dream.
[67:49]
Tom Segura
Kid can dream. Well thanks Kirk Fox. Appreciate you coming.
[67:52]
Kirk Fox
Tom. Thank you, Tom.
[67:54]
Tom Segura
I hope you guys found this enlightening. And, yeah, we'll see you soon.
[67:58]
Kirk Fox
She impression Burt.
[67:59]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Tom.
[68:00]
Kirk Fox
Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt.
[68:05]
Tom Segura
Tom tells stories and birds the machine.
[68:07]
Kirk Fox
There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.
[68:10]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Here's what we call two bears, one cave.