Podcast Summary
Podcast: 20/20
Episode: Kill or Be Killed? (Revisited)
Date: December 6, 2025
Host: ABC News
Overview
This gripping episode of 20/20 revisits the complex and contentious case of Nicole "Nikki" Adamondo, a young mother from Poughkeepsie, NY, who shot and killed her partner, Chris Grover, in 2017. At the heart of the episode is the question: Was this an act of self-defense after years of alleged abuse, or a premeditated murder? Through in-depth interviews, direct testimony, and insights from family, witnesses, police, legal professionals, and advocates, the episode probes the criminal justice system's handling of domestic violence, the difficulties survivors face, and the reverberating impact on families and communities.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
The Night of the Shooting and Immediate Aftermath
- Discovery at the Traffic Light ([01:51]): In the early hours, police encounter Nikki in a red car, barefoot and distressed. She reveals, "I tried to leave, he wouldn't want me to leave. He told me, 'I'm not going anywhere.'" ([01:59])
- The Scene ([13:23]): Police find Chris Grover dead on the couch from a contact gunshot wound. The scene includes confusing elements: a loaded gun, a displaced rug, a running shower with a broken computer, and no obvious signs of a struggle.
- Initial Interview ([14:34]): Nikki’s story is described as disjointed and raises doubts among law enforcement. She claims self-defense, but forensic inconsistencies and her actions after the incident (removing a shell casing, not calling 911) trouble investigators ([23:12]).
The Couple’s Backstory and Community Perceptions
- Seemingly Idyllic Life ([05:01]–[08:00]): Community members describe Nikki and Chris as beloved, “super sweet” with a “beautiful life.” Chris was a gymnastics coach, Nikki a preschool teacher and stay-at-home mom. Their family appeared normal to outsiders.
- Contradictory Accounts of Abuse ([19:12]–[39:23]): Nikki shares a history of abuse, corroborated by friends and a therapist. However, many in the community, including Chris’s family, vehemently deny any abuse took place, seeing Nikki as a manipulator ([31:34], [43:01]).
Nikki's Allegations and Evidence of Abuse
- CPS Involvement ([19:12]): Social services were notified of suspected abuse, but Nikki initially denied it out of fear. She recounts threats involving a gun, coerced sex, and physical violence ([21:20], [38:25]).
- Physical Evidence and Documentation: There were photographs of injuries, reports from a therapist, and witness testimony regarding visible bruises. Still, during the trial, prosecutors argue this could be manipulated or self-inflicted ([39:58]).
The Investigation and Prosecution Case
- Suspicious Details ([28:04]): Nikki's actions (carrying away a shell casing, destroying a laptop, not immediately calling authorities) are viewed by police as attempts to cover her tracks.
- Text Message Evidence ([29:46]): Damning texts from Nikki reference, "I haven't figured out how to kill him without being caught, so I'm still here" ([29:46]). Internet searches on Chris’s phone about shooting someone while asleep add to law enforcement doubts ([30:19]).
- Prosecutor’s Narrative ([44:44]): At trial, Nikki is painted as a “master manipulator” who orchestrated a cold, calculated murder.
The Defense: Self-Defense and the Cycle of Abuse
- Documented Abuse ([48:48]): The defense presents medical and photographic evidence of long-standing abuse, plus testimony from Nikki’s therapist.
- Psychological Trauma: Testimony focuses on the "psychological warfare" of domestic violence and how it shapes survivors' perceptions of immediate threat ([51:09]).
- “Kill or Be Killed” ([58:18]): Nikki says on the stand, “the truth is, in that moment, it was survival. It was kill or be killed.”
The Verdict and Sentencing
- Guilty Verdict ([59:15]): Nikki is convicted of second-degree murder and sentenced to 19 years to life, despite the later passage of the Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act intended to allow for reduced sentences in cases like hers ([61:17]).
- Judge’s Statement ([62:43]): The judge tells Nikki, "someone who made the choices you did is a broken person," a statement described as “upside down” by her supporters.
The Appeal, Sentence Reduction, and Ongoing Debate
- Successful Appeal ([72:22]): Nikki’s sentence is ultimately reduced to 7.5 years after a successful appeal citing the new survivors' law ([72:22]), but her murder conviction remains.
- Clemency Efforts ([76:32]): Nikki’s supporters continue to petition for early clemency; Governor Kathy Hochul holds the final say.
- Broader Impact and Movement ([77:35]): Nikki’s case becomes emblematic of the national struggle for “criminalized survivors,” with stories of others—like Tanisha Williams—used to illustrate systemic challenges.
Memorable Quotes & Key Moments
Early Emotional Reactions
- “It was like you could have told me literally anything in the world that would have made more sense than that.” – On hearing of Chris’s death ([17:38])
- “If Nikki was the one who died that night, it would have barely been a story. If it would have just been boyfriend kills girlfriend. The end.” – Reflecting on media and justice system bias ([40:46])
On the Nature of Domestic Violence
- “That's the nature of domestic violence. It's silence and secrecy.” – Journalist Justine Van Der Lune ([42:45])
- “The number one question that I am asked all the time is, why don't they just leave? And it is an extremely simplistic and really archaic look at domestic violence.” ([63:09])
On the Verdict and the System
- “She was a broken person, when it was clearly the system that was broken.” – On the judge’s remarks at sentencing ([62:43])
- “Nikki’s case encapsulates everything that's wrong about the way society addresses support of domestic violence and certainly with the way we treat them in the criminal justice system.” – Attorney Garrett Beaney ([69:03])
On Survival and Consequence
- “I wish every day that that night ended differently... it was survival. It was kill or be killed.” – Nikki Adamondo ([58:02–58:18])
- “I try to keep those parts of him alive for them. He was loved and I loved him, too.” – Nikki on keeping Chris’s memory for her children ([82:36])
On the Larger Context
- “There are countless stories of survivors that never see the media spotlight.” ([77:35])
- “We have not figured out how we create a system that addresses better domestic violence, which is a scourge in this country. Of course, the best ending is where no one dies, and we clearly haven't figured out a way to make that happen as a society.” ([81:49])
Timestamps for Key Segments
| Timestamp | Segment/Theme | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:51 | Nikki discovered at traffic light, first encounter with police| | 13:23 | Police scene in the apartment, discovering Chris's body | | 19:12 | Introduction of CPS concerns and Nikki’s initial denials | | 21:20 | Nikki details threat with gun and coerced sex | | 23:12 | Law enforcement doubts about self-defense claim | | 29:46 | The controversial text message about “killing without getting caught”| | 30:19 | Suspicious Google searches discovered | | 39:58 | Scrutiny of Nikki’s documented abuse and its use in trial | | 44:44 | Courtroom divides, prosecution and defense cases begin | | 48:48 | Defense evidence: documentation of injuries and professional testimony| | 53:13 | Discovery of hidden camera and non-consensual pornography | | 59:15 | Jury returns with a guilty verdict | | 61:17 | Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act explained | | 62:32 | Judge sentences Nikki: 19 years to life | | 72:22 | Successful appeal and sentence reduction | | 76:32 | Renewed clemency campaign; broader advocacy | | 77:35 | Discussion of other criminalized survivors | | 81:40 | Nikki's message to women in similar circumstances | | 82:36 | Closing reflections from Nikki about her children and Chris |
Conclusion & Reflections
This episode spotlights the complexity at the intersection of intimate partner violence, criminal justice, and social perceptions. It casts light on the contradictions faced by survivors who fight for safety and those accused of "killing to survive." Divisive among the community and even families, the case raised nationwide questions about justice for abused women who become defendants, the adequacy of the new legal reforms, and the persistent judgment survivors face regardless of outcome. Nikki’s fate, and that of so many like her, now rests with shifting laws, evolving advocacy, and those in the highest offices.
The episode ends with resonance for all listening: "We have not figured out how to create a system that addresses better domestic violence... of course, the best ending is where no one dies, and we clearly haven't figured out a way to make that happen as a society." ([81:49])