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A Better Way to Money
Finding Financial Balance in Parenthood
00:22:20
Between school drop-offs, back-to-back meetings and skyrocketing summer camp costs, parenting today can feel like a never-ending juggling act. In this episode, Dr. Whitney Casares, pediatrician, author and founder of Modern Mommy Doc, opens up abou...
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- [00:00]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
I would say it. It keeps you from being aligned with your values when you're stressed out financially, you know, And I don't mean like, money's tight, so we're stressed. I mean, like, you feel like you're out of alignment, like you're in a ton of debt, or you feel like you've been making decisions where you're overspending, or you feel like your money's going to the wrong places and you're wasting money. If you feel like you're in that spot, it can be really hard to then focus on all the other things that you care about.
- [00:31]
Podcast Host
Between the mental load of parenting, the cost of summer camps, or trying to get dinner on the table between zoom calls. Do you ever feel like you're juggling too much? Our guest today, Dr. Whitney Caceres, is a pediatrician, author, and mom who experienced burnout and transformed her life by prioritizing her family's values. She now guides other parents in doing the same. In this episode, we're going to discuss how to stop over functioning parent with intention and align your finances to your personal values. Remember, if you enjoy this episode, leave us a rating or review. If you need help prioritizing, you can find a parenting prioritization worksheet@northwesternmutual.com podcast and other free tools to help you build a plan to get more from your money. All right, let's dig in. So you have a unique perspective on parenting, like, not only as a pediatrician, but as a parent yourself. So what inspired you to start your coaching business? Like, did you have a light bulb moment that kind of went off where you realize, like, hey, parents, we are doing a lot. We're kind of burnt out?
- [01:38]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Yes. Well, I think because I became so burnt out myself, I was a go getter, Stanford residency graduate, like, full on, lean in, Sheryl Sandberg lady, and like, I drank the kool Aid, man. I would be the one who would stay late for a patient who would take on extra, um, and then I had my first daughter, and she just did not allow me to do that. She didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. Once we got into the toddler years, she just was a. A lot. Eventually, we ended up learning that she had autism and a severe anxiety disorder. She has level one autism. And so I found myself pulled in all different directions all the time and always feeling like I was giving as much as I possibly could, but I was never giving enough. And so I developed a framework for myself that I now call conflicted to Centered, that is about prioritizing what matters the most and then dealing with the rest of the things that have to get done. Wow.
- [02:44]
Podcast Host
So like, do you have a specific example where you kind of made that shift, like doing it all versus doing what matters?
- [02:52]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
You know, I know a lot of moms love being part of the pta or dads love being part of the pta and that fuels them and they feel, feel really like I gotta bake all the brownies and like serve little specialized like organic foods to my children in their lunch boxes. Like, that is not me anymore. I have decided, like, if I'm gonna contribute, it's gonna be with $10 or it's gonna be with something that is postmated or instacarted over to those people. So that way they get what they need. But I can move on to doing my work, like being on podcasts or to writing my books or to spending time with my, my kids. So those are a few really practical examples. And then there are other examples when it comes to my kids and the way that I parent. So I used to feel like, okay, I need to attend every single school event or I need to be with my kids 247 to have them feel like they really have all my attention and like I care for them instead. Now what I do is I've decided, okay, what are the things I really want to be there for? I want to be there for my child's first choir performance where she's amazing and like, I want to watch her sing, but I don't need to be there for drop off and pick up every single day. Like someone else could be doing that for me. Those are terrible times of the day anyway for my kids. Like, why would I want to be part of that? You know, I need to be there during the day when my parents say or my kids say. I'm having a really hard time with my friend. I want to talk with you, but it's okay for me to say to my kids, mommy is working right now. I have some appointments that I need to take. I'm seeing patients, I'm focused on them, and, and in two hours I'll be able to spend time with you when there aren't those big heart wrenching moments that come up. But I find that when I do that, at the end of the day, I feel so much more satisfied. I feel so much more, like, competent, I feel so much more accomplished and also I feel more aligned with the things that I actually care the most about as opposed to feeling scattered. So that's like a practical piece. And then the more kind of philosophical piece or emotional piece is in order to do that, you have to take a pause. It could be that you write it out. These are the projects I want to do. Or you could just take that, like, two minutes in the shower as you're getting ready to go. Okay, what actually needs to be accomplished today?
- [05:07]
Podcast Host
So how do you, like, what do you think is something that parents can start doing today to better manage their time?
- [05:16]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Number one is start at the beginning of the day with a plan. And I. I am not a morning routine person. I. I don't do morning routines, like, because I. There's too much going on, like, chaotically with my family. But I'm talking about, like, you're making your coffee and you have just that, like, moment to think just for a minute, just for two minutes, and just run through in your head a list of two things. Okay, One, what are the. What are the two projects that I really want to get done today? What are the two things that would make me feel like I made headway in some way shape? And then the other is, what is one, like, task that if I do this, it will reduce my anxiety. I've been maybe putting it off. It's stressful for me, but if I just go ahead and do it, I'm gonna feel so much better. An example for me is I work and consult with some different brands, including Cerave skincare brand. And I'm responsible for putting together a panel of different physicians that are gonna talk with their sales representatives about ways to think about skin care and ways to really like different things, that they could talk to pediatricians as they're in their offices and how we can provide help as experts. And it was stressing me out because I'm like, I don't know exactly what the question should be. How should I do it? And so I just decided this morning as. As I'm making my coffee, like, that has got to be my number one priority to sit down and do this morning. So that it's just off my list because otherwise I'm going to be thinking about it all day long, and it's going to distract me from everything else that needs to get done. I'm not going to do anything else. Well, because I'm constantly thinking about this thing that's kind of stressful, right? So I put my music in. And I like music is a huge thing for me. I put my music in.
- [07:02]
Podcast Host
I love it.
- [07:02]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Like, comfy blanket. I sat on my porch where it's like, sunny, and I feel good, you know? And then I just sat down on my computer and I used chat gbt, to be honest, to type in, like, give me some starters for what are some questions. And I literally had the whole thing done in 30 minutes. Because I was able to then, okay, I put in those answers. Now I don't have that inertia that I have to get over because something else created, generated something for me. And then I could go in and edit and refine and make it exactly how I wanted to do. So that would be my number one tip, is just to spend, like, two minutes in thoughtful planning and wherever that is that you do it best. Mine is like, the lights have to be off in the kitchen and I'm making my coffee. Or. Or it can be if you can get it together to take a shower in the shower is another great place to be thinking about things like that.
- [07:52]
Podcast Host
We sound so much alike. Like, in order to do things that I don't want to do, I'm like, I have to make it fun in some way or comfortable or something. You know, I'll do that sometimes. Like, I'll take my laptop outside on the back porch. I'm like, okay, I hear the water. I'm in the sun. Like, this is. Yes, this is what I need. I ate a piece of banana bread.
- [08:13]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
I was like, let's go.
- [08:13]
Podcast Host
Like, a snack definitely helps. So when it comes to, like, financially planning and stuff, too, with families, like, I know a lot of people talk about, like, oh, babies are so expensive, and, you know, budgeting and saving for all of the baby things, but sometimes we underestimate the cost of older kids. Like, I know now that my kids, I've got 15, 12 and almost seven. And, like, I'm like, I didn't realize. Like, I'm. I'm like, I'm pretty sure this is more expensive than the babies with all the things that we're paying for. So, like, can you talk a little bit about, like, maybe aligning spending values and managing, like. Cause that adds pressure for parents, too.
- [08:58]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Oh, 100%. So actually, finances are so tied to priorities and alignment. I mean, they're so tied to your values about what you actually want to invest in. And I 100% agree with you. I think that kids are way more expensive as they get older. You know, of course, it costs a lot to have a baby at the hospital. That costs a lot.
- [09:23]
Podcast Host
And daycare is expensive.
- [09:24]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Daycare costs a ton. But camp this year, I mean, it's $400 a week times too, right. For me. So actually that's a good example. I'll give you that example as like a financial choices that I make based off my kind of framework that I have. So I have a couple things that I call my center points in my framework that I care the most about. I care about going to new places or exploring new ideas or listening to new music or seeing new art or reading new books. I care about exploration. I care about connection with my kids. And then I care a ton about mental and physical wellness. And I don't mean like that I need to be a size zero. I mean just that like I feel good in my body and I don't feel stressed out all the time. Right. So with that I make decisions on financially for my family. So for us, I would rather deal with my kids being home for the majority of the summer and create my schedule so that, for example, like today I worked from 6am to 10am Seeing patients while my kids were sleeping so that for the rest of the day I can spend time with my kiddo. And I don't need childcare as much during the summer. Right. Not everybody has that flexibility, but that's a choice that I'm making and it comes with a sacrifice because I hate getting up at five o' clock in the morning to be able to do that. I did that so that for three weeks of the summer, two weeks of the summer, we could take a family vacation to a timeshare that my parents have in Hawaii. And like, it wasn't the most expensive, extravagant vacation, but like to be able to have my kids do that, do that, to be able to go do something fun now in order to make that decision of like, I'm going to a place where I'm exploring, I'm in a beautiful place, I'm traveling, I have connection with my kids and I have physical mental wellness at that place that's like a place that ticks all of those boxes for me. I have to make some sacrifices. I know that I have to work from 6 to 10am for the rest of the summer during the week so that I can not have to pay for childcare or as many camps. I know that I'm going to have to sacrifice my kids going to some fun camps they maybe would have liked to go to. Right. So that decision though, financially is based off of my core values. What do I care about? What do I think will make it so that my family will thrive?
- [11:51]
Podcast Host
Dr. Whitney has been so open and honest about her experience. I love what you said about how it's not about doing it all, it's about. It's about doing what matters. Up next, Dr. Whitney shares how she makes spending and saving less overwhelming by redefining what's worth it and deciding what to outsource or skip. But first, here's how your Northwestern mutual advisor can help you juggle your financial needs and put your money where it matters.
- [12:17]
Northwestern Mutual Narrator
Let's face it, parenting is overwhelming. Keeping schedules straight, waking up with sick kids on the day of a big meeting at work, figuring out how you'll cover baseball registration and spring break. There's a lot to juggle, but it's not about keeping all the balls in the air. It's about keeping the right balls in the air and having the right support to catch the other ones. It's the same when it comes to your money. You can't do it all. So instead, focus on putting your money where it matters. How? Meet with your financial advisor. They'll ask better questions that get to the heart of what matters to you. Then they'll help you design a comprehensive plan custom tailored to you that puts your top priorities first. If paying for education is important to you, your advisor can offer college saving strategies. If retiring early and traveling with your kids matters, you can explore tax efficient retirement savings options that give you more flexibility down the road. Starting with what matters will help you keep what's important in focus and on track. Even if life takes a turn. Though it may seem like one more thing on your to do list, the sooner you get started the better. And getting started is easy. Go to northwesternmutual.com podcast and download our guide to prioritizing finances with kids. It'll help you get your thoughts in order so you're ready to build a financial plan with your advisor that prioritizes what matters most.
- [13:34]
Podcast Host
How can parents define like their values and maybe what you know, if that helps, be a guiding light for them and deciding what kind of big financial decisions to make.
- [13:45]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Yeah, that's a great question. I think people do not spend enough time doing this because it feels esoteric, but it's actually really easy to define your values. Renee Brown, if you look up just Brene Brown, you know, the inspirational speaker that we all love, she has a whole list of values you could look at. In my book Doing It All, I have a whole list of values you could look at and it's as simple as kind of looking through the a big list and kind of choosing like these are the top five things that I would say I tend to choose. I tend to think about the most. I tend to, like, make decisions about already based off these values. Because we all do. Like, we're in our best moments. We make decisions based off our values. The other thing you can do is ask other people who are close to you, like, what do you. If you were to look at this list, what should these words, like, describe me? You know, because the values are things like compassion, loyalty, ambition. Like, so other people, if you don't know for yourself, they can a lot of times look from the outside in and be able to help you. The other thing I do in my books and in my coaching is something called a centered vision training or exercise where people kind of visualize, like, on your perfect day, not where you live on an island by yourself, but, like, at a perfect day where things are going well.
- [15:05]
Podcast Host
Yeah.
- [15:05]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
What would you be doing? How would you be spending your time? Who would you be with? How would you feel? And then kind of using that to inform, like, what are the themes that
- [15:16]
Podcast Host
come out of that?
- [15:17]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Right. So mine, for example, is I'm sitting on a porch, and there's these really cheap target curtains that are white, those, like, filmy, flimsy ones. And then I'm looking out, and there's, like, an ocean, and it's kind of expansive, and I'm sitting next to other women with our arms linked. Okay. So that is, like, I'm contributing to other women doing the work that I do. I feel rested, I feel calm. And then the ocean to me kind of represents this, like, expansiveness, the travel, the exploration, all those good things.
- [15:49]
Podcast Host
Okay. And what words jump out at you that makes sense? And you earlier, you talked about, like, connection. Would you say, would those be your values?
- [15:57]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Yeah, my values, my five are connection, the health and wellness piece, contribution to others, the exploration piece, and then financial literacy. So the financial wellness piece. When I am not financially well, I am a wreck. It ruins everything. And I think that is a common theme for most people when you're stressed about money. I mean, it just bleeds into every other facet of your life. And I would say it. It keeps you from being aligned with your values when you're stressed out financially, you know, And I don't mean, like, money's tight, so we're stressed. I mean, like, you feel like you're out of alignment, like you're in a ton of debt, or you feel like you've been making decisions where you're overspending, or you feel like your money's going to the wrong places and you're wasting money if you feel like you're in that spot. It can be really hard to then focus on all the other things that you care about.
- [16:56]
Podcast Host
So you've written a book doing it all and it talks about over functioning. What is that? And why do so many parents fall into this trap?
- [17:05]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I believe that we were sold a lie when we were coming up, right? I was sold a lie by my parents, who are very wonderful people, who are, well meaning that I could be a parent who was amazing and also kill it in my career simultaneously and keep a Martha Stewart house and stay looking like young and sexy all the time and be like a perfect partner to my partner. Like that I could do all that. I could be like 1950s housewife plus totally modern woman in the workforce simultaneously, right? And the reality is like, that's not possible. We all do things that are have to be sacrifices. So when you are taught that lie of like, you can do it all, then you keep on chasing this dream and you never get there. So you keep on like doing more, more, more, more, more to try to achieve the dream that never occurs. So that's the part one of why we over function. Part two is because a lot of us feel as parents super anxious in the world. I mean, we have a lot going on in the world right now, but even beyond that, we feel anxious about our parenting and about this work life balance thing, right? Especially with the rise of social media, the amount of kind of binary information that we're getting around, like, do these five things or your kid will end up a mess. Do these five things or. And your kid will become a genius, right? Like our parents had none of that. Our parents were clueless.
- [18:51]
Podcast Host
Oh yeah.
- [18:52]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
You know what I mean? Like so true.
- [18:54]
Podcast Host
It's so true. I mean, we only see bits and pieces of everything online. And the more often, I mean, every time I go out with a friend and see them face to face, it's like we're having these same conversations and like these, this realization of like, oh, you're in the same boat too. But of course, this isn't the stuff we're posting online and sharing with everyone. You know, like the, the tough things or anything like that. All of us have tough days, right? Do you have like a mantra or mindset or anything that helps you when you're having those tough days? Like something that you can quickly go to and call on.
- [19:31]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
The two things that I tell myself are, you are enough. I have a tattoo that says deja assay, which is like in French, like you are enough under my rib so I like get out of the shower. Like look at my little tattoo. And then there. Have you ever seen those little signs? We have them in Portland all the time. They're white and they have black lettering and it says like don't give up.
- [19:58]
Podcast Host
Okay.
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Dr. Whitney Caceres
Okay. They put those all around Portland and maybe they just want to like not give up.
- [20:03]
Podcast Host
I know I haven't seen that is
- [20:05]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
the other thing that I tell myself all the time, like, don't give up. And you are enough. Like it's not all over. Don't give up. Keep on going. That one helps me the most when I am and I like tough moment and literally like want to just like throw in everything to be like there's hope. And then the third one is you're not alone. Because I feel like just remembering that I'm not the only one in the struggle helps a ton.
- [20:38]
Podcast Host
We appreciate that you took the time to chat with us, excited about your books and everything where people of course can learn more. So yeah, thank you so much Dr. Whitney. This was a great chat. A huge thank you to Dr. Whitney for joining us today. I really appreciate how she breaks down this idea of alignment not just with your time, but with your money. And it all starts with defining your own values. And when it comes to financial planning, that mindset is everything because the best plan is the one that's built to prioritize what matters. If you're ready to feel more aligned in your financial life, visit northwesternmutual.com
- [21:16]
Dr. Whitney Caceres
you
- [21:16]
Podcast Host
can download our free Parenting Prioritization worksheet and other helpful planning resources. Don't forget to leave us a rating and review and thanks for listening. We'll see you next time.
- [21:26]
Northwestern Mutual Narrator
Northwestern Mutual is the marketing name for the Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, NM and its subsidiaries, life and disability insurance annuities and life insurance with long term care benefits are issued by the Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. NM Investment Brokerage services are offered through Northwestern Mutual Investment Services, llc, nmis, a subsidiary of NM Broker Dealer, registered investment Advisor and member of FINRA and sipc. Products and services referenced are offered and sold only by appropriately appointed and licensed entities and financial advisors and professionals. Not all products and services are available in all states. Not all Northwestern Mutual representatives are advisors only. Representatives with advisor in their title or who otherwise disclose their status as an advisor of Northwestern Mutual Wealth Management Company are credentialed as NMWMC representatives to provide advisory services. Dr. Whitney Caceres is not affiliated with Northwestern Mutual and the views expressed by Dr. Whitney Caceres do not necessarily represent those of Northwestern Mutual or its subsidiaries.