A Bit of Optimism

Episode: Revisited: Kids (And Employees) Know More Than You Think with Dr. Becky Kennedy

Host: Simon Sinek
Guest: Dr. Becky Kennedy
Release Date: January 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this enlightening episode, Simon Sinek sits down with Dr. Becky Kennedy—renowned clinical psychologist, author of Good Inside, and founder of the popular parenting app of the same name. While Dr. Kennedy's work originates in parenting, the conversation reveals deep parallels between raising children and effective leadership in any organization. Together, Simon and Becky dissect how principles of sturdy leadership, healthy boundaries, and emotion-validating communication transcend the family to the workplace. The episode is peppered with honesty, actionable advice, and self-reflection, offering revelations whether you're a parent, manager, or simply a human aiming to relate better to others—and yourself.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Intentions and Interventions: How Children (and Adults) Read Us

• Main Insight: People sense your intention more than your specific intervention, whether in parenting or leadership.
  • Quote: “Someone feels your intention more than they feel your intervention… Is my intention right now to teach and make better? Or is my intention to vomit my own frustration onto my child as a form of catharsis, which is usually what we do.” – Dr. Becky ([00:00])
  • Simon’s Interjection: “We do it at work all the time. So good.” ([00:13])
• Practical Takeaway: Authenticity and clarity—rather than pretending everything is fine—help others, especially children, feel secure and engaged.

2. Honest Communication: Protecting Kids (and Teams) from Uncertainty

• Dr. Becky's Principle: “Information doesn't scare kids as much as a lack of information scares kids… Noticing things that are off and not having a narrative to understand them is terrifying for a kid.” ([01:17])
• Simon’s Leadership Parallel: In business, hiding problems behind smiles breeds anxiety; transparency is preferable, even with bad news.
  • Quote: “People can deal with good news and people can deal with bad news. It's uncertainty that the insanity and the going down the rabbit holes and the looping starts.” ([04:01])

3. The 'Good Inside' Approach Is Leadership

• Dr. Becky: “I don't think good inside is a parenting approach. It's a leadership approach... Being the leader of a family system is also about setting up the conditions for success.” ([04:45])
• Simon’s Perspective: Leadership at home and at work is about stewarding those in your care, enabling growth and confidence. ([05:36])

4. The Problem with ‘Fault’: Shifting from Blame to Skill-Building

• The Trap of Fault: Focusing on fault ("whose fault is it?") in either parenting or leadership produces shame and halts growth.
  • Dr. Becky’s Son's Wisdom: “Dad, sometimes bad things happen and it's nobody's fault.” ([07:06])
• Dr. Becky: “The obsession with fault is… not a useful framework… At good inside, our approach… Number one, kids are born good inside… [but] born with all the feelings and none of the skills. And to me, that visual gap explains basically 100% of children's bad behavior.” ([07:55])

5. Feelings vs. Skills: Why Skills Training Matters

• Key Insight: “If you level up the skills, that changes behavior today and puts kids with the ultimate privilege in adulthood, which is having skills to manage the entire range of feelings you will always feel.” ([10:01])
• Quote: “It takes an unbelievable amount of work to be a good human being.” – Simon ([10:22])
• Double Challenge: Parents often lack the very skills they're supposed to teach, compounding challenges at home and at work. ([10:44])

6. Generational Patterns: Parenting Wakes Up the Unhealed in Us

• Dr. Becky: “Everything unhealed about your childhood just gets triggered over and over with your children... we have this choice—to pass on generational wounds or use it to heal ourselves and be the most confident version of ourselves.” ([10:59])

7. Skillful Response to Mistakes: Moving Beyond Blame

• Practical Example: Handling a child forgetting to close a door, Dr. Becky demonstrates a collaborative, skill-building approach rather than blaming or shaming.
  • Quote: “Don’t try to catch your kid... Don’t ask a question you know the answer to. It’s like a horrible experience on the other end all the time. Never do that.” ([13:06])
  • Focus: Facilitate problem-solving rather than punishment. ([14:00])

8. ‘It Takes Too Much Time’—The Reframe on Effort and Change

• Common Excuse: Parents and leaders often say, “I don’t have time for this.”
  • Simon’s Corporate Story: An executive protests, “I can't do anything that you're talking about. You have to understand, Simon, the pressure that we're under.” ([14:53])
• Dr. Becky’s Reframe: “We either spend time preparing or reacting. And if we're used to reacting, we don't quantify it as time because it's just our default.” ([16:06])

9. Dr. Becky's Accidental Career: Switching Paths

• Origin Story: Her viral rise began with Instagram posts during the COVID crisis, intuitively sharing from her practice and family life.
  • “I was telling all my clients, get off social media... but this felt different.” ([22:05])
• First Viral Post: “Our kids will remember more about how their family home felt during the coronavirus 19 epidemic than anything about coronavirus itself... Let's wire them for resilience, not panic.” ([21:44])

10. Boundaries: The Most Missing and Misunderstood Skill

• Definition: “A boundary is something you tell someone you will do and it requires the other person to do nothing.” ([24:12])
• Misconceptions Dispelled: Most “boundaries” people set aren’t actually boundaries—they’re attempts to control others’ behavior.
• Memorable Example: “If you come over unannounced, I will come to the car and say I can't have you here for a visit.” ([24:13])
• Relationship-Building: Real boundaries protect our capacity to remain in healthy relationships. ([26:02])
• Resolving Conflicts: When boundaries clash, beneath the escalation usually lies an unmet need or wish—listening skills become the bridge. ([27:06])

11. Triggers: How Childhood Patterns Persist

• On Triggers: “Triggers are memories from our past that are interrupting in our present.” ([29:51])
• How Unhealed Past Shapes Us: Early criticism or unmet needs are carried, often unconsciously, into adulthood, especially in our closest relationships.
• Simon’s Realization: “What I actually wanted [as a child] was for somebody to make me feel calm and safe. And it didn’t happen.” ([34:33])

12. Self-Compassion Before Compassion for Others

• Dr. Becky: “We can't change how we interact with someone else until we truly, concretely change the way we interact with ourselves.” ([37:02])
• Mastering the Pre-Amble: Acknowledging effort and intention with self and others before moving into feedback or correction.
  • Dr. Becky’s Practice: “I'm a good person who didn’t respond. I’m a good person who didn’t leave enough time.” ([38:01])

13. Most Impactful Stories & Reflections

• The Misunderstood Teen: Dr. Becky recounts her work with a cutting teenage girl, highlighting how those who act out often need strong, compassionate leadership—not judgment or abandonment.
  • Memorable Exchange: “Can you believe they let me make that decision?” ([39:51])
• Championing ‘Difficult’ Kids: Dr. Becky feels compelled to advocate for the misunderstood because “someone needs to be a champion for these really good kids who are having a really hard time.” ([41:27])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Becky (on the nature of boundaries):
  • “[A] boundary is something you tell someone you will do and it requires the other person to do nothing.” ([24:12])
• Simon Sinek (drawing parallels):
  • “You're not just teaching people how to parent, you're teaching people how to be people.” ([10:22])
• Dr. Becky (on passing down skills):
  • “It's nobody's fault that kids don't have skills. It's not the parents fault, it's not this kid's fault. It's just true.” ([09:43])
• Dr. Becky’s Take on Triggers:
  • “Triggers are memories of our past that are interrupting in the present.” ([29:51])
• Simon’s Epiphany:
  • “What I really want is for people to lean in... and contain me.” ([35:30])
• Simon’s Praise:
  • “You are so true to yourself and true to your work. You are the embodiment of the stuff you talk about. What an honor.” ([42:36])

Essential Timestamps

• Opening Insight on Intention vs. Intervention: [00:00]
• Dealing with Traumatic Events with Truth: [01:17]
• Parenting and Leadership Parallels: [04:01]
• Skills vs. Fault in Behavior: [07:55]
• How to Build Skills Instead of Blaming: [10:01]
• On Boundaries and Definitions: [24:12]
• Handling Escalating Conflicts: [27:06]
• The Deep Roots of Triggers: [29:51]
• Personal Realization on Safety: [34:33]
• Transformative Teen Therapy Story: [39:45]
• Final Praise and Acknowledgment: [42:36]

Takeaways

Becky Kennedy’s wisdom shines a light on universal truths: the roots of our struggles are often generational and skill-based, not moral or intentional failings. Communication, validation, and boundaries are not only the keys to good parenting, but also to sturdy leadership and fulfilling relationships. Whether you are supporting a child or leading a team, patience, openness, and self-reflection are the foundation for all real transformation. This episode offers a trove of practical advice and—true to its title—a bit of optimism about our ability to do better, together.