266 Everything You Want Comes When You Ignore Your Reality

Summary

Podcast Summary:

A Changed Mind | Mindset That Matters
Host: David Bayer
Episode 266: Everything You Want Comes When You Ignore Your Reality
Date: August 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode of "A Changed Mind," David Bayer and his co-host/guest explore the counterintuitive approach to manifesting desires: focusing less on your current reality and more on cultivating states of being that enable transformation. The conversation messily weaves together neuroscience, spirituality, and personal anecdotes, offering actionable guidance on the art of non-resistance, the impact of belief systems, and the spiritual wisdom underlying lasting change.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Paradox of Desire and Detachment

Timestamp: 02:52–03:40

• Burning desire is essential, echoing Napoleon Hill, but you must avoid obsessing over its absence.
  • David Bayer: “Have a burning desire for something, but then not pay attention to the absence of it.” (02:52)
• Non-attachment is key: Energetically pursue your goals, but detach from whether or not you've achieved them yet.
  • Co-host: “It's hard to do when you focus your energy on a desire... In some ways you should be obsessed about it... but also not be attached to result.” (03:00)
• Neville Goddard’s teaching: Ignore your current situation when visualizing your desires.
  • David Bayer: "If you keep paying attention to your current situation, you keep paying attention to the absence of the thing that you want... and you get locked into the absence of the thing." (03:24–03:38)

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2. The Golden Equation of Creation

Timestamp: 04:49–05:05

• David introduces the central formula:
  • Desire + Non-resistance = Desired Result
  • All manifestation stems from this equation. Resistance blocks results, not lack of action or clarity.
    • David Bayer: "Desire plus non resistance equals desired result. I would call that the golden equation, okay?" (04:49)
• Resistance is experienced as emotional states and beliefs that hold you back.

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3. Understanding Resistance: Primal vs Powerful States

Timestamp: 05:05–06:53

• Only two states of being: Primal and Powerful.
  • Primal: Stress, overwhelm, fear, anxiety—fight or flight responses.
  • Powerful: Joy, curiosity, enthusiasm, peace—restful and creative state.
    • David Bayer: “Primal states are states of being that don’t feel good... Powerful states... feel good.” (05:07)
• The state of being determines creative power:
  • Powerful states connect you to intuition, presence, and possibility.
  • Primal states cut you off from transformation.
    • David Bayer: “Everything that you want to create... will be produced from a powerful state of being... you don’t get any of that when you’re in a primal state.” (05:27)

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4. How to Shift States: Practical Application

Timestamp: 06:53–09:11

• Noticing and observing when you slip into a primal state is the core practice.
  • David Bayer: "What we start paying much more attention to is what state of being am I in? ... Noticing when I’ve moved into a primal state, knowing that the only thing that is moving me into a primal state is my own thoughts and beliefs." (05:50–06:27)
• Use self-inquiry, tools, or teachings to interrogate and challenge those limiting thoughts.
• Each repetition “rewires” your nervous system and expands your capacity to handle more in life.
  • David Bayer: "Every time you catch yourself in a primal state and you observe the thought... you actually see that the thought isn’t necessarily true. You’re building a new nervous system, you’re building a new capacity." (00:01, repeated in 08:31)
• Personal triggers: For Bayer, physical discomfort often triggers a primal state, as do failed expectations.
  • David Bayer: “Physical sensations in my body... My health has been one of my mountains to climb... there’s plenty of things that move me into a primal state.” (06:58–07:12)

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5. Safety, Freedom, and Collective Reality

Timestamp: 09:11–11:06

• The feeling of unsafety is a root problem—personally and collectively.
  • Co-host: “If you grew up not feeling safe, that means you don’t have freedom.”
  • David Bayer: “That not feeling safe and not feeling free is pervasive in the nervous systems of human beings.” (09:26)
• External events (wars, economics, politics) are projections of unresolved internal states.
  • David Bayer: “All of these things are crystallizations of the unsafety that we have not as human beings yet learned to metabolize in our nervous systems. We’re never going to change that out there. We will change in here. And as we change in here, those changed people will have new thoughts and new ideas to create a new system that feels safe for everyone.” (09:52)
• Resistance at the societal level leads to perpetual struggle (“war on drugs,” etc.), yet spiritual wisdom always emphasizes non-resistance.
  • David Bayer: “...Christ says, turn the other cheek... when you notice something in your life that you don't like, or you notice something in the world that you don't like... you turn your attention in the other direction... use the contraction or the problem... as an inspiration for a new desire and a new solution.” (10:18–10:59)

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6. The Origins of Belief & the Journey to Healing

Timestamp: 11:28–14:38

• Change begins with examining beliefs; healing often follows.
  • David Bayer: “My own journey was starting with my beliefs.” (11:35)
• David’s personal recovery story:
  • From running a “successful” company yet experiencing financial and relational struggles.
  • Achieving sobriety through the 12 Steps.
  • Discovering Buddhist and Christian wisdom, observing the overlap in their core teachings (“Eightfold Path... same as 12 Steps... same as self-help”).
    • David Bayer: "[After sobriety] I was healing myself through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Not only was I looking at my limiting beliefs and my resentments and healing them, but I was also... starting to find a relationship with a higher power." (12:18)
  • Realizing self-help is universal: “What a wonderfully named section.” (14:12)
• Present-day challenges reflect old childhood programs; healing is possible in the moment, not always by revisiting the past.
  • David Bayer: "You don't have to get into a deep hypnosis... it's showing up right now with the thing on Tuesday." (14:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Desire plus non resistance equals desired result. I would call that the golden equation.”
  — David Bayer (04:49)
• “Everything that you want to create... will be produced from a powerful state of being... You don’t get any of that when you’re in a primal state.”
  — David Bayer (05:27)
• “We’re never going to change that out there. We will change in here. And as we change in here, those changed people will have new thoughts and new ideas to create a new system that feels safe for everyone.”
  — David Bayer (09:52)
• “Turn the other cheek... you turn your attention in the other direction. You use the contraction... as an inspiration for a new desire and a new solution.”
  — David Bayer (10:18–10:59)
• “You don’t have to get into a deep hypnosis... it’s showing up right now with the thing on Tuesday.”
  — David Bayer (14:38)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:52 — The paradox of desire, attachment, and absence
• 04:49 — The "golden equation" of desire + non-resistance
• 05:05 — Primal vs powerful states; how they shape your reality
• 06:53 — How to notice and shift state; David’s triggers
• 09:11 — Safety, freedom, and how internal states project outwards
• 11:28 — Beliefs vs. healing the past
• 12:18–13:00 — Bayer’s recovery and self-help discoveries
• 14:38 — Working with present-day triggers vs. deep therapy

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Conclusion

David Bayer’s core message is that real, lasting change and the manifestation of desires come from mastering your state of being—not from efforting against reality, but by practicing non-resistance, observing your thoughts, and letting go of attachment to the present lack. Healing begins with belief, emerges through self-awareness, and ultimately contributes to both personal joy and a more harmonious world.

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For additional resources and to dive deeper, visit DavidBayer.com.

Transcript

[David Bear]

And so every time you catch yourself in a primal state and you observe the thought, we have a great set of tools, but there's a lot of great teachers out there to sort of interrogate the thought and you actually see that the thought isn't necessarily true. You're building a new nervous system. You're building a new capacity. So many people want to have more in their life, but like, are you capable of handling it? And so this is a beautiful logical process that whatever you believe, our Creator is created for us, which is we start to see the deep unreality that we've been living since we adopted those early age programs. And you start to reorient yourself to a proper perception of reality. And the reward for that is you get to create more of what you want to create. But the real reward for that is you start living in joy.

[Podcast Narrator]

Welcome to a Changed Mind. A journey into the topics that matter to you most. From the neuroscience and spirituality of mindset and personal growth, to groundbreaking strategies for health, wealth and relationships, to open and honest conversations about pressing global issues such as the environment, censorship, corporate capture and democracy. Each and every episode reminds us of the certainty of the goodness of the future and provides the teachings, tools and timeless wisdom inspiring you to create real lasting change in your life and in the world. If you've been desiring a sanctuary for your spirit, a place to go to tune out the distraction, negativity and doom and gloom so that you can tap into the deep power, the vibrancy and the potential you have inside, you're in the right place. Welcome to a Changed Mind.

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[David Bear]

We're supposed to, as Napoleon Hill talks about, have a burning desire for something, but then not pay attention to the absence of it.

[Co-host or Guest]

And be kind of unattached.

[David Bear]

And be unattached.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah. It's hard to do when you focus your energy on a desire that you want something.

[David Bear]

Correct.

[Co-host or Guest]

And in some ways you should be obsessed about it. Correct. In some ways. To be like, I need to master this. I need to develop consistent habits and actions towards it. I need to conspire the world and people around me to support me in this in some ways. But also not be attached to result.

[David Bear]

Correct.

[Co-host or Guest]

And the lacking of the result. Not happening right now.

[David Bear]

Yeah. It's the challenging art of a human being. It's a challenging. You know, Neville Goddard talks about this. He's like, ignore your reality. Have a desire, but then ignore your current situation. Because if you keep paying attention to your current situation, you keep paying attention to the absence of the thing that you want.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yes.

[David Bear]

And you get locked into the absence of the thing.

[Co-host or Guest]

So what do we do instead of, instead of the focusing on what we are lacking. No matter how hard someone's working, how much they're trying and it's failing and it's not working yet. The podcast, the relationship, the financial success, the health, whatever it is, how do we detach from the result not being in our lives now so that it shows up now?

[David Bear]

Well, I mean, the first step is understanding what we're talking about. The greatest challenge human beings have is that we don't understand how reality works. We don't understand that we are given the right to have a desire and that if we get out of the way 100% of the time, the desire must produce itself. Now, some people will think that that means, okay, Dave, my desire is a million dollar business. And so I'm just gonna write it down on a note card or visualize it, and the Amazon delivery guy is going to deliver a million dollar business to my front doorstep while I'm watching Netflix and eating Cheesy Poofs on the sofa. That's not what I'm saying. So we are meant to take daily consistent action towards the goals that we have. But notice when we start to move into resistance.

[Co-host or Guest]

And what does resistance actually look like? Is it an emotional feeling? Is it a frustration? Is it a thought?

[David Bear]

It's a great question.

[Co-host or Guest]

Is it a lacking of action? What is that?

[David Bear]

I have a feeling I'm going to give you three distinctions today, okay? The first one is desire plus non resistance equals desired result. I would call that the golden equation, okay? That's how all outcomes are produced. So the question is, well, how do I know when I'm resistance? And for that we go to a distinction called the two states of being.

[Co-host or Guest]

Primal versus powerful states.

[David Bear]

There are only two states of being. Primal states and powerful states. Primal states are states of being that don't feel good. States like stress, overwhelm, anger, jealousy, depression, anxiety, boredom. That's when the sympathetic expression of the nervous system is active. We're in fight or flight. And then there are powerful states of being. States like joy, curiosity, excitement, enthusiasm, peace, calm. Those are states of being that feel good. And that's when the parasympathetic state of the nervous system is active. You are always in one state of being or the other. You're never in two states of being at the same time. And what's interesting is that what determines what state of being you're in is not the experience. It's the meaning you're giving the experience. It's the thoughts that you're having about money, the thoughts you're having about yourself, the thoughts that you're having about life. Why is this important? Because everything that you want to create, all change that you desire. Your vision board, your dreams, your goals, those will be produced from a powerful state of being. That's when you're connected to intuition, inspiration, health, vibrancy, prosperity, abundance, presence, intimacy, connection. It's all in a powerful state. You don't get any of that when you're in a primal state. And so when we are in a primal state, we're in resistance. So if we're playing the game called desire plus non resistance equals desired result. What we start paying much more attention to is what state of being am I in? And a root cause, foundational way of starting to navigate life, which is a practice I'm in. Not all the time, but a lot is noticing when I've moved into a primal state, Knowing that the only thing that is moving me into a primal state is my own thoughts and my own beliefs. And then observing those thoughts and beliefs and using whatever tools I have to move back into a powerful state of being. That's the practice. It's wax on, wax off. If you do that consistently, eventually you'll produce the desired result.

[Co-host or Guest]

What is the thing that gets you in a primal state of being the most?

[David Bear]

Me?

[Co-host or Guest]

Yes.

[David Bear]

Physical sensations in my body that I don't like. My health has been one of my mountains to climb.

[Co-host or Guest]

Pains or like heart palpitations.

[David Bear]

Aches, pains.

[Co-host or Guest]

So it puts you in more of a fear mind rather than a powerful frame.

[David Bear]

Correct. It moves me into a primal state. Yeah, but there's plenty of things that move me into a primal state. You know, I have expectations on how my Tuesday is going to go and it doesn't go that way. Somebody doesn't do a thing that they're supposed to be doing or marketing campaign doesn't work the way I expected it to work and I move into a primal state.

[Co-host or Guest]

And what does that feel like when you go to primal state? Is it a anxiety, is it a depression? Is it I'm not good enough? Is it, something's wrong?

[David Bear]

What's the sure, it could be anything from frustration. So emotionally. Well, let's back up. Because thoughts generally create emotions, the thought might be, why aren't they doing what they're supposed to be doing? What if this doesn't work out? How come they did it this way? Am I doing something wrong? All of those thoughts are conducive to some sort of what you could call negative emotion. Right. A primal state. The emotions for me that are habits are frustration, anxiety, some other form of fear, shame and guilt. Those are my go tos. And really what we're talking about in all this work, there's so many ways to describe personal growth, but what we're talking about is building a different neurology. I think about how amazing it is as human beings. We're able to use our minds to reorganize and rewire our nervous systems and our brains. And so every time you catch yourself in a primal state and you observe the thought, we have a great set of tools, but there's a lot of great teachers out there to sort of interrogate the thought and you actually see that the thought isn't necessarily true. You're building a new nervous system, you're building a new capacity. So many people want to have more in their life, but like, are you capable of handling it? And so this is a beautiful logical process that whatever you believe, our creator is created for us, which is we start to see the deep unreality that we've been living since we adopted those early age programs. And you start to reorient yourself to a proper perception of reality and the Reward for that is you get to create more of what you want to create. But the real reward for that is you start living in joy, Joy, peace,

[Co-host or Guest]

harmony, abundance, freedom, freedom. I think a lot of people don't feel free in their life, you know, and if you grew up not feeling safe, that means you don't have freedom for sure. And at least that was for me. I didn't feel free and it's like I wanted to create my own sense

[David Bear]

of peace and freedom, that not feeling safe and not feeling free is pervasive in the nervous systems of human beings. And so, you know, not only do we create our own realities where you end up in a career where you don't feel safe, you end up in a relationship where you don't feel safe, you end up with a bank account where you don't feel safe, you end up in a body where you don't feel safe. Yes, but look at what we're collectively materializing at a macro level, does the world feel safe?

[Co-host or Guest]

No.

[David Bear]

No. I mean, you could pick whatever you want. You could pick the war in Iran, you could pick what's happening in Gaza, you could pick the way the government is run, you could pick inflation, you could pick. All of these things are crystallizations of the unsafety that we have not as human beings yet learned to metabolize in our nervous systems. So you don't. We're never going to change that out there. We will change in here. And as we change in here, those changed people will have new thoughts and new ideas to create a new system that feels safe for everyone. That's the big mistake right now, is every everybody. You know, there's a war on terror, there's a war on drugs, there's a war on this, there's a war on that. It's all more resistance. But we're told, and by the way, you know, my equation is a derivative of the great teachings. We're told to be non resistant. Like Christ says, turn the other cheek, right? This. Why, what do you. That doesn't even make any sense. You're telling me when, when I'm confronted by something that I don't like in the world, I'm actually supposed to turn the other cheek, give it my cheek. And if you really look at what I think that teaching is, it's when you notice something in your life that you don't like, or you notice something in the world that you don't like, which would be your enemy, you turn the cheek, which is you turn your attention in the other direction. You use the contraction or the problem in your life as an inspiration for a new desire and a new solution that you can now crystallize into reality. It's a beautiful teaching.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yes.

[David Bear]

But they're all there, whether it's Buddha or Christ or whoever. And you could pick your guy or your gal non resistance. But now we can see that it makes sense, because behavioral psychology tells us what you believe, you think, what you think you feel, what you feel you do. And what you do are the results. And so if you are thinking and feeling resistance, you're gonna produce a resistant reality.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yes. So it all starts with a belief. Or does it start with healing the past so you can create new beliefs?

[David Bear]

My own journey was starting with my beliefs.

[Co-host or Guest]

And you were around 30, in my early 30s. You were very. You were successful in your career, making money, accomplishing.

[David Bear]

I wouldn't even call it successful. I would say, like, look, if you think a guy running a venture backed technology company is successful, fine. But that same guy was only paying himself $80,000 a year, dollars in his bank account, two homes in foreclosure, and had been single for 10 years. Like, how successful is that? But, yeah, I guess if you. If you took a quick look, it was the craziest thing. I was at Miami International Airport. I just. I'd gotten about 18 months of sobriety under my belt, and I was like, man, if. If I can change this much, like, because I never thought I was going to stop doing drugs and alcohol and sexing and everything that I was doing.

[Co-host or Guest]

And how old were you then?

[David Bear]

33. 33, right. Especially pornography. I mean, pornographic. I was like, I don't think there's any way this is going to stop. And it stopped. And it didn't stop because I tried to stop it. It stopped because I was healing myself through the 12 steps of alcoholics Anonymous. It's a phenomenal healing framework. And not only was I looking at my limiting beliefs and my resentments and healing them, but I was also, as I was clearing out, starting to find a relationship with a higher power. I didn't grow up in a family with a higher power, so I had all of that. And I was like, man, if this is possible, like, what else is possible? Like, maybe I could actually become wealthy. Maybe I could actually find a soulmate. Maybe I could actually. And so I was in this inquiry, and I went to Miami International Airport. I was flying somewhere, and you ever have that experience where, like, there's a book on the bookshelf and it, like, decides it's going to have a relationship with you. Like, you just feel it. And I walk over and I grab this book and I look at the back cover, and it had four statements. It said, life is full of suffering. I was like, okay, I can relate to that. The suffering is going to happen to you. There's a way out of the suffering. And the way out of the suffering is the Eightfold path of virtue. And I was reading the four noble Truths of Buddhism, and I turned this book over and it's called Awakening the Buddha Within. It's got Lama Surya Das. I buy the book. I read it cover to cover on the airplane. I was like, holy cow. The message here with this Eightfold path of virtue of Buddha is very Eightfold path of virtue. Eightfold path of virtue. It says eight steps. And I was like, this is almost the same as a 12 stats at Alcoholics Anonymous. And I get back to my office and my social media manager at the time left me a book, and I was not a reader. So these are miracles. And it was a book called Kingdom Principles by Myles Monroe where he's explaining the teachings of Christ. I'm like, it's the same steps. And so I go to Barnes and Noble, and I don't think I'd ever been into a bookstore, to be honest with you. I go to the little lady at the front desk and I'm like, do you have a place for people who are, like, trying to get their life sorted out or whatever? She's like, oh, the self help section. I'm like, what a wonderfully named section.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Bear]

And there was a little book laying on the floor in that section called Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I just picked it up. So I came into healing through thoughts and beliefs. I think eventually you go back and look at where these beliefs originated and you find forgiveness or you find proper perspective and you heal it. But you don't have to go back there because those things that happen then are showing up in your life right now.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yes.

[David Bear]

You know, every man you meet is dad and every woman you meet is mom. And those are your conflicts. And if you're living with a chronic health condition or you're living in financial scarcity, your reaction to that reality are the same programs that you had back then. So we can work with the program at any level of the timeline. I do think eventually we end up going back and cleaning up those early misunderstandings. To me, that can be a little bit harder than just working with the raw material as it's showing up on a day to day basis. It's right there for you. Yeah, you don't have to get into a deep hypnosis or get into emdr. All great tools, right? But like hey, it's showing up right now with the thing on Tuesday.

[Co-host or Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Narrator]

Hey, it's David. One more thing. If you want to go even deeper on everything we've talked about on today's episode, don't forget to jump over to www.DavidBear.com. you can find the link in the show notes and subscribe to our newsletter.

[David Bear]

A couple of times a week.

[Podcast Narrator]

I'm going to be sending you the latest episodes that we've released along with additional free trainings. You'll get immediate access to my Free Mind Hack ebook and go even deeper into all the tools, the technologies, the frameworks that have helped tens of thousands of people establish a changed mind. Don't forget to jump on over to the site and I will see you in the next episode.