← A Place of Yes | A Grief Podcast 
A Place of Yes | A Grief Podcast
Burying My Family One by One: Losing My Last 2 Living Siblings
00:27:31
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- [00:02]
A
Previously on A Place of Yes.
- [00:04]
B
And they said that he's not gonna make it, or he didn't make it. I can't quite remember. And my dad so forcefully threw his whole body against the wall, slammed his head against the wall, and just crumbled. And I left that room, and I just thought, I have no idea what all this means. Like, where's my brother?
- [00:22]
A
Welcome to A Place of Yes, a podcast about how I moved through my darkest hour. And for me, that was in channeling my grief into good. Welcome to the show. I want to make sure we touch on Jason and Sean because I do believe in this sort of, like, I don't know if it's afterlife or, like, spiritual thing or whatever, and I don't want to hurt either of their fears by not giving them proper time.
- [00:50]
B
So it's funny.
- [00:52]
A
The weirdo that I am is like, wait, we have to make sure we touch on everybody.
- [00:56]
B
Jason and Sean absolutely deserve their spotlight. Jason was a tough case. My dad and his mom split up so young. I think he would be okay with me saying that he felt a little misplaced at points in his life. He would spend time with us on the weekend. He was with his mom during the week. He would go on vacations with us when he could. But, you know, him being nine years older than me, seven years older than Ryan, like, he was just at different points in his life at different times, you know? But Jason was very close with his girlfriend's family to the point where when he got old enough, I think he mostly spent his time there. I don't feel that there was a proper light on his death. He struggled when Rotten died. He had two little ones at home. He and Danielle were high school sweethearts, and she is all that he ever knew and all that he ever loved. When this happened, he. He got fired from his job, but he didn't tell anyone for a very long time, so we thought he was going to work. He later told me that he got fired from his job because he worked at a warehouse where they would find him, like, in the corner, like, sitting and staring, and they said he was a liability because he wasn't always completely with it.
- [02:09]
A
Was that, do you think, like, depression, or was it.
- [02:11]
B
Yes, absolutely. I think. I don't believe, to my knowledge, he was ever treated for that. He was lying to his wife and us and saying that he was going to work when they fired him. I believe he was drinking during that time. So, sadly, Jason and Danielle's relationship dwindled then. I think he had zero Identity as to who he was, because Danielle was his life. He loved his boys very much. But I think that this illness took over. He was living out of his car, but telling me he's living with friends. I would beg him to stay with me. He just felt like I was his little sister, so I didn't need to stay with you and your husband. That's embarrassing kind of thing. And he'd say he was staying with a friend. I got ahold of that friend several times, and he wasn't. It just added a new layer of worry to our family. When my dad passed away, it got that much worse. Dad was his rock. Dad was also his best friend. That put him in another state. So that added a whole nother layer to my stress. I felt like I was taking care of him a lot, like I was trying to help him and trying to find ways to keep track of him when my parents were worried about him or something. And after that, he got some job. Like, family members helped him. Family members and family friends helped him get a job. But he went downhill kind of fast. Then he became. He needed dialysis, and he didn't have insurance, so he looked.
- [03:36]
A
So this is after your father died? So this is after 2015?
- [03:39]
B
Yep. After my dad, his health just went downhill quickly. I got a call while my husband was walking up. I worked at the Saratoga national golf course. Time. I remember watching, like, an image. I was coming up from the second hole, and as I'm getting closer with the cart, I'm like, it's Matt. And then I'm, like, really excited. And I'm like, what's he doing here? And as I got closer, the color in his face, I immediately knew. I'm like, they found Jason dead. I know it. And he. He got. He got. He's like, move over. Because I was driving the car. He's like, move over. And I'm like, where is he? And he's like, kelly, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, what the hell?
- [04:12]
A
What year was this?
- [04:13]
B
2017. Two years after my dad died. So his health went. That was a rough, like, two years for him, health wise. So he was found dead in a hospital, or I'm sorry, in a hotel room. I tried so hard to protect them. I tried so hard to help them. I tried to give them the resources. I can safely say with. With the exception of risking my own relationship with Matt, I went to every point I could to help them. And people say. And people said it to me over and over again, which I hated, is like, Like, I had someone walk in my house after Jason died in my house, and say, like, right after he died, not years later, like, right after he died, you know, he was sick, and he made these choices, and you.
- [04:51]
A
Want to, like, punch him.
- [04:52]
B
And I'm like, who the hell are you? Like, everyone's perfect in your life. Everyone's happy and not choosing things that, you know, I just. I couldn't believe that. That that's what this process has been for our family is like, no one said that about Ryan, but Ryan was out drinking, and obviously I didn't want that to happen to him. And he shouldn't have. That shouldn't have happened to him. But because Jason was struggling out at the time because of Ryan's loss, because of his dad's loss, we all have choices. Yes, we do. But, like, do you think he wanted this for his kids? It's wild to me sometimes, the things that come out of people's lives.
- [05:26]
A
No, it's wild. And it diminishes what we now know. And I feel like people didn't always know this, although they should have. But what we know about mental health and what we know about human psychology and all of those things, obviously, if it was that easy, where he could have flipped a switch and said, let.
- [05:45]
B
Me just get a job.
- [05:46]
A
Yeah, like, if it was that easy, don't we think he would have done it?
- [05:50]
B
Yes.
- [05:50]
A
You know, and it diminishes his story when people try to just say, and he was embarrassed.
- [05:56]
B
He was a shell of himself. No one wants that for anyone in their life. I don't care what anyone says. He was the one of my brothers that I felt like people were hardest on. I'm still angry about that with certain people. If I made those choices, would people say that about me?
- [06:12]
A
So you said you're still close with Danielle.
- [06:14]
B
Yep.
- [06:15]
A
How has she handled it?
- [06:16]
B
She and I haven't talked about that, so I definitely don't want to put words in her mouth. I know she didn't like the way they ended. Like, I know that that part of it was absolutely nothing she ever pictured for herself and obviously her boy's father and, you know, the one that she's invested all of her time and all these years, too. I do think that she. She came to a point where she said, I will make these decisions to better my children and keep them safe. And now as a mother and I've told her this, like, I completely respect that. I thank you for that, because that's what I have left of my brother, too. It Was really hard, but she and I have, I don't want to say, come a long way because there really wasn't any hard feelings. Obviously, during the separation, I. My focus was Jason. I'm Jason and the boys. That's where all these. You know, I just wanted him to get out of this and be happy and see his worth.
- [07:08]
A
And that's like, that's not to circle back on that. But when people say that they're diminishing that, you know, I mean, that's a sad story because when other, like so many times other people can see it, but we can't see it in ourselves.
- [07:21]
B
He was such a great guy.
- [07:23]
A
And then Sean.
- [07:25]
B
So Sean, I miss him the most right now. He was not the healthiest. He was overweight. He really had a pretty big fear of doctors. He was so young, going through all this every step of the way. Sean was gay, and we knew that our whole, you know, like. But, you know, when he finally decided and wanted to talk about it or acknowledge it or understood it, whatever you want to say, I don't want to put words in his mouth. I was in college, I think, and I was like, I know. And he's like, what? And, you know, like this. We had this whole late night conversation. And I said, he's like, I'm so worried because my brother were all pretty big athletes or were my brother Jason. My dad ref soccer and played soccer, skiing, all this. And he just. He tried all the sports. We love all the stories. My dad's like, yelling, stop picking daisies in the middle of the soccer field. My mom's like, he's five, Leave him alone. Like. But he found his niche in music and theater and acting. And he was so good at it. He had a beautiful voice. He sang at my wedding.
- [08:28]
A
Oh, that's nice.
- [08:29]
B
With two of Matt's brothers. It was my favorite memory of my wedding, really. So he found his. His niche, and it was different than all of ours. And I think he just was self conscious in general, in life. Another one that I felt like he had it harder because he felt like he was always having to live up to Ryan and Jason and maybe even me. But he. Whenever he had questions, he asked Matt, and Matt came over and he showed him, you know, he did an awesome job of sticking with my mom and taking care of her in that way. Not that she needed taking care of, but like, household things, helping out. Yeah, I wish that he moved. He never moved out. He stayed because I do feel like he had this. I think it was an unspoken Feeling that, like, this is where I belong with my mom. This I should take care of things. She always said, like, he can move out. And he always said, like, I would miss my. My nieces and nephews. Who's going to help Mom? So Sean finally found, like, who he was. He had an amazing boyfriend at the time. I think they were together about a year. He had a great job that he loved, that people, like, appreciated him for. He was working at Franklin Community Center.
- [09:36]
A
Oh.
- [09:36]
B
Oh, yes. That's.
- [09:38]
A
I know him.
- [09:39]
B
What?
- [09:40]
A
I'm on the board at Franklin.
- [09:42]
B
Really, Sean? Yes. So you knew him?
- [09:45]
A
I did not connect this at all. He died recently.
- [09:48]
B
Yeah. Oh, Kelly, I know. Oh, my God.
- [09:51]
A
He was at Project Lift.
- [09:53]
B
He was. Love that job.
- [09:55]
A
And he made such an. I can tell you, as like, a board member, the stories. He made. Such an impact.
- [10:01]
B
He's so happy. I hope he's listening.
- [10:02]
A
Such an impact on those kids and the parents. Like, after he passed, I don't know how I. And I know his name. I did not connect. I can't believe I did not connect.
- [10:12]
B
This isn't that funny. And this job gave him life. It gave him purpose. And the people appreciated him, and they were great people.
- [10:18]
A
Oh, my God. Kerry Cushing, the director. I mean, I remember when that email came out. Oh, my God, Kelly. I cannot believe I did not connect this. I can tell you firsthand the impact he made on the lives of, like, Saratoga children and on their families.
- [10:32]
B
I've heard that. I've had people reach out to me, and that is the best thing I've had.
- [10:36]
A
I mean, that does not help your loss at all. But know that he.
- [10:40]
B
Yeah.
- [10:40]
A
Made a difference in this life.
- [10:42]
B
It does help, though, a little bit, because I don't know if it's worse that Jason left when he was so lost and sick or if when Ryan died, he didn't even know what hit him. Literally. Literally, hopefully. And he was at his prime, loving life with his friends, being young, a big life. Yeah. Or if you're Sean and you finally found the love of your life, the.
- [11:04]
A
Best job ever and doing well, you're.
- [11:06]
B
Proud of who you are. And then he drops dead. I also had someone once say to me, after Ryan died, at least he wasn't sick. At least he didn't suffer. And I have tried to comfort people in the process. When people lose someone and say, truly, people mean well, and you've probably experienced this, but they don't know what to say. I've got those scenarios to work with here.
- [11:27]
A
Three very different. I mean, Those are those impossible questions, right? It's like the games we play where it's like. Like, this one's better, because you know what I mean? Like, we try to make sense of things that there's no sense to be.
- [11:38]
B
Made of, just those what ifs. And I think with Sean, last time I saw him, we were. We were on a family vacation. We were at Myrtle Beach. Gabe came, and Rowan has diabetes, so we don't mind middle daughter. We don't like to go far from her. So we had the opportunity to walk to, like, a local dive bar across the place. And my mom's like, oh, my aunt was there. She's like, oh, well, the kids are sleeping. So we went in our separate places, and Matt and I got my pajamas. I'm like, I'm not going, Matt. I'm tired. And I'm always the one. Almost like 99% of the time that I'm like, matt, we're going. And this time I was like, I'm tired. The sun. And Matt's like, your brother wants to go. Come on, let's go. And I'm like, are you feeling all right? Like, what in the heck? And Sean came over with Gabe, and I'm like, shawnie. And he's like, come on, Kelly. Come on. You know, he's always acting like, you're so old. And I'm like, yeah, well, maybe I am. You know, like, you try to have kids and do this vacation thing and. But we went down, the four of us, and had just the best conversations. And I finally told him, and I find. I find solace in this, that I sat and said to him, like, he tried to go around saying, like, I wish I had more of a relationship with Jason and Ryan, and I wish. And I wish. And I said, I wish you would just give yourself some grace. You were so young, Sean. You did not understand. Like, I remember looking at a photo album with it after it happened with Ryan happened, and I kept trying to look at his face to try to help him, and he was not there. Like, he didn't understand it. He was just so little. I say little, but to me, he was little. So we had a great conversation, and I just said how proud I was of him, and I told him, I'm so happy that he's happy. And he just voiced how happy he was. And that was, like, four days before he died. We got back, he waved to us in the parking lot. And so this was Friday night. We pulled out, and he's waving, and we're still texting and I think Tuesday night he died. Like, I think so.
- [13:30]
A
He. It was heart.
- [13:31]
B
Yeah. My mom said that she. Because he was living at home, that she heard a crash and she went to get him up and she. He was a big man and he was wearing a heart monitor actually at Imrtle beach when we were there.
- [13:45]
A
He.
- [13:46]
B
He had a heart condition that they had found. It's like thickening of the walls, I guess. And you know, he had. He was on high blood pressure medicine and these things, but I thought it was being taken care of. He had a doctor's appointment that morning to go get his heart checked at 9 o'. Clock.
- [14:00]
A
That is when you talk about things that you can't make sense of, Right. There's so many of them, but those I don't understand. Like, I spoke with a mom who lost her daughter. Like, I don't remember if it was the next day or if it or no. Had just had a doctor's appointment and was kind of cleared. And then like those things to me, I can't. I think when you deal with grief, right, like you try, you know the things, you try to negotiate, you try to make these things, but with those things I don't understand.
- [14:25]
B
Yeah. I guess he fell out of bed and this was the day after the eclipse. And I guess my mom was trying to call us. So she was trying to get him up and she. Her defense is she's yelling, I guess at him.
- [14:39]
A
Was it instant?
- [14:39]
B
Like, I think he was on. She was on repeat calling mine and Matt's phone while Matt was in the shower and I was down making for the kids. So all of a sudden my brother in law walks through the sliding door at like 6am I'm in my robe and I'm like, hi, Jason. Which here's another ironic thing. Matt has two brothers, Jason and Ryan. Stop it. So we have to say Uncle Ryan in heaven and then Uncle Jason in heaven. This Uncle JJ is the one that's here. My brother in law walks in and I was like, Uncle J.J. i just was like, what are you doing here? And he's like, it's Sean. And I'm like, no, it's not Sean. And he's like, it is, Kelly. Your mom's been trying to call you. So she called my mother in law because our family's.
- [15:18]
A
Which is a testament to how close your families are.
- [15:20]
B
Yes. Yep. I said to Jason like. And he's like, I don't know, Kelly. I don't know anything. You just have to get to your mom's So I run upstairs, and Matt's in the shower. And I'm like, matt, we have. And it's all over again. It's all over again. This shaky, traumatic, have to go, can't be happening, but is probably happening kind of situation. And so I.
- [15:40]
A
It's like deja vu, but real.
- [15:42]
B
Yeah. And I'm like, matt, it's Sean. And he's like, no. And this was the one time I didn't see a lick of hope from the second I said it to him. So Jason stayed with my kids. Kenley's sitting there, like, witnessing this all. I'm like, it's okay. It's all right. We're driving over in the truck. I'm calling my boss. And then I'm looking at Matt, and I'm like, it's okay. And I remember looking at him, and he didn't look over at me. Kept looking straight. And I said, matt, it's going to be okay this time. It is. He's gonna be all right. There was not a lick. And I don't think I've even talked to him about this, but I didn't see a lick of hope in him. And at that moment, I was like, all right, now I've gotta be there for my mom, because I'm gonna try to process this right now. So it's like six minutes to my mom to go to your mom's. But even less, I'm sure I don't. So we flew in. There was an ambulance there. My mom's standing in between two cops, like, with her arms crossed. And I'm like, all right, everything's okay. My mom, just utter shock. Cause she's like, this is my daughter. Did you know that? His son. Da, da, da, da. And I'm like, mom, listen to me. Where's Sean? And the cops trying to intervene. And he's like, he's in the ambulance. Just stay over here. And I'm like, what's happening? Why is everyone so calm? And why are we not pulling away? Like, in every situation, I'm like, where's the severity? But I look back, Matt told me not to come over. And I had this image of Matt that will haunt me. And he's at the window, like a kid in a candy store window of the. Of the ambulance going, come on, Shawnee. Come on, Shawnee. I'm glad I didn't go over because they were working on him, I guess. But just hearing him say, shawnee, you know what I mean? Like, that's my little brother, Shawn. Like, come On Shawnee. I went upstairs, and I'm just. I went to his room to grab, like, his wallet and his phone. And I stopped in his room at one point, and I was like, damn it. God damn it. And then my mom comes up and she's like, I think. And I mean, I'm telling you, like, I don't even think she remembers any of this. So we pull up, and I go inside, and I feel like, again, the world just stops. Like, there's people in the waiting room. I think the people knew who we were when we walked in, but they're trying to be professional however they look. And they looked at us. I felt a calmness of sickness, though. Like, I had to put my head between my legs because Matt was not acting the same as the other times. So they were waiting for us. They knew it was going to be the same situation. We walked right in. Heather, same damn room before. I said. And I stopped them. I said, you need to tell me right now if we're going to go to a little room. Because Gabe was going to come in without his dad, and I didn't want him to do that. Gabe?
- [18:05]
A
Yeah, you didn't want him to be alone.
- [18:06]
B
And I said, you need to tell me right now. And they said, I don't. Just. Can we go in the back? I said, no, I need you to tell me what's happening. Are we going to sit in a room to talk to a doctor before? Yes. So I said, gabe, get your dad. And I'll never forget, he looked at me and he didn't say anything. I said, we've done this before. Get your dad. We go to the back room. My mom's scream. Not again. Not again. I'm saying again, it will be fine. This will be fine. And I knew it wasn't fine. I knew where we were. And Matt was just a shell of himself sitting there, so it was taking too long. And then finally I said, get a doctor in here, because the time is ticking now. And now I want to go sit with my brother.
- [18:42]
A
Now I want to say my goodbyes.
- [18:43]
B
Yeah, I want to go sit with him. So we sat in there for a while, and I held him and I held his big toe, and I got to be by his head and I felt his hair. And, you know, I apologized to him for what he was. What happened. And I lied and said I left my coat in that room and I snuck back in and I sat with him until they caught me. Just want a little bit more time, because he was gonna get cremated this One has hit so hard for me that I. I felt it differently or maybe. And I say, I wonder this too. Maybe I've just blacked out all the other times of what I processed and how I processed after.
- [19:17]
A
I mean, I think there's no way that it can't. The cumulativeness of it can't, like, not have an impact. And I wonder, like, what you said about Matt, that when you looked over and saw no hope. I wonder how. And this is not against him because he's right there with you through all this, and your families are so close. But I wonder if not having him say it's gonna be okay. Like, you know what I mean? Sometimes we all need our people that are like, yeah, we're as reliant on. Even when you know it's not going to be okay. Reliant on someone saying, well.
- [19:48]
B
And in that moment, I think I realized I was going to be the one to try to bring hope to this group. My mom was in utter shock.
- [19:56]
A
So how is your mom now? Like, what is her. Like, how is her health?
- [20:00]
B
She's just really strong. She's tried to do things to better her mental health as well. She has a therapist. You can't help but be a different person, as I'm sure you know. So she's a much different person than I feel like I remember as a mother when this first happened. She tries really hard. She loves being around my kids.
- [20:20]
A
That's what I was gonna say. Is she. Like.
- [20:22]
B
She watches my son. He was four, Declan, two days a week.
- [20:26]
A
So she has a reason. Like, she finds.
- [20:28]
B
Which is. And I said this to her after Shawn died, I looked at her and said, as a mother, I would not blame you in the least, but know that I still need you and my kids need you. And she didn't blink. She goes, jesus, I'm not going anywhere. She goes, I love that. What the heck? Where do you think I'm going? She says, like, she's just this rock that has had to endure so much.
- [20:49]
A
So much when you lose a kid. Like, you're. You know, you're a mom, right? Like, your whole worth is. Is your children. And when you lose a child, it's like, what the Is the point?
- [20:59]
B
Like, why am I.
- [21:00]
A
Like, I had one job and I couldn't do it.
- [21:02]
B
Yeah. She holds guilt, I think. Like, I do think she said, like, what kind of mother am I? Like, where did I go wrong in all this?
- [21:09]
A
I mean, and that can't be easy to hear, but I so understand it. Cause it's like, even after all these years, I'm like, jake died on my watch. Like, how do I. I have one job.
- [21:18]
B
I went on medicine after Sean because I couldn't understand how it wasn't going to happen again. And if it was going to happen, it was going to happen to my kids, my husband, or best case scenario, which is not me.
- [21:33]
A
Yeah, no, that's not.
- [21:34]
B
And I don't want to go anywhere. You don't want any. I want my kids grow up, but I don't want my kids hurt. I don't want my. I don't want my husband gone. So I had to get over that for that. Took me a while.
- [21:43]
A
How are you and Matt now?
- [21:45]
B
This has been a really hard year for Matt and I. He's tried really hard to help me. I think I have tried more now than I ever have with any of the other passings, but I can't articulate how I'm feeling anymore. Like, I'm exhausted from it and it's only getting deeper. And I'm trying, but I feel like it's hard. He's been so good, and he's found, like, an outlet. He benefits from working out and getting that sort of adrenaline or. And he's trying to encourage me to do that. And I fight it as much as I can because I'm like, why can't I just, like this? Like, I know it's good for me. And so there's been an added level of health in our conversations because of Sean. I went and got my heart checked. I don't carry right now what he had. He had said that one therapy. That second therapy session that he did of mine after Shawn, he sat with the therapist, and he basically was just really trying to encourage me to give myself grace. He looked at the therapist and said, you know what? I have to confess something that I'm going to use the word crazy here. But he's like, I thought she was crazy. She holds on to this. This worry and this. This loss. I'm like, we have to move on. We have to do better, and we have to just keep going. And then he said, and that would happen again. And I'd say, we can do this, and you have to. And then it would happen again and four times over. He said to her, how can I call her crazy and say that what she's worrying is the ultimate fear when.
- [23:13]
A
It keeps coming true for her, when it keeps happening?
- [23:15]
B
And he, am I calling you crazy? Like, he doesn't say, no, no, no, no. You know what I mean? I just saying, like, how can she feel this?
- [23:20]
A
Yeah. But yet, like, it doesn't make sense. But then evidence is moving, and, like.
- [23:25]
B
I think that's what that truck ride was. And Sean hit him hard. You know, it was like his little brother and call him for everything. And, you know, I think Sean, this one hit Matt hard, too. And people commented a lot about the beautiful eulogy he did. He got up and Matt did. Yep, for Sean. And my husband has a great way with his words, but he feels everything deeply. He and I have struggled, but I think we know that we're in it for the long haul.
- [23:48]
A
Do you have moments where you can be free of the heaviness of it all?
- [23:53]
B
I really do. I think overall, you know, I try to do a good job of being free of it. I think of one of or all of them every day. And I try to just like you said, a place of. Yes. I have to try to make this a worthwhile life for myself so that they are somewhere proud of me, that when I do see them again, wherever that might be or look like that, they say, you did a good job. Like, you know, as much as I want my kids to be proud of me, I yearn for their. Their approval still.
- [24:22]
A
Do you have any, like, message to any of them or all of them or anything that you would say to them?
- [24:28]
B
Like, I think it would be different for each one of them. I want to know if they're happy now. Like, I really just want to know that if this. If people say. And again, I hate the saying. It all happens for a reason. I don't believe that.
- [24:39]
A
Because the reason would just be really stupid.
- [24:41]
B
Yeah, because, like, where. Like, if I'm trying to narrow it down for each of them, I really don't know. But if they are somewhere happy, that's worthwhile. I also hope that they're together.
- [24:51]
A
I was just. That was my next question. You think they're together?
- [24:54]
B
I can't imagine they wouldn't be. It's so funny. I used to be petrified as a kid of death. Here I am this worrier, and nothing's helped me. Like, this worry doesn't help.
- [25:03]
A
It doesn't stop anything. It doesn't protect anything.
- [25:05]
B
Life is going. Life's like a Mack truck. It just keeps coming. And what momentum do I have to stop it? I don't. So I have to just that. That honestly, the medicine helped me to see, like, in the moment and stop.
- [25:17]
A
Worrying about everything in the future.
- [25:19]
B
Oh, my God. Protect them. Like, not gonna let her go swim at a friend's house because that she might drown. Like, what?
- [25:25]
A
No, you can't live. Like.
- [25:26]
B
Yeah. And not. And that's not a situation I necessarily thought of. But, like.
- [25:29]
A
No, but I know that. That because I've lived that where I've really had to, like, consciously make that decision. And it's hard. Like, this is just my opinion, for whatever nonsense it's worth, I think, normalizing talking about it with kids or acknowledging it. Like, we do a cheers to Jake. Right? Like, you know, so it's like, hey, this has been a great day. We're all together. Cheers to Jake. You know what I mean? Like, and I don't know, like, I think a way to keep. Keep them present is. Is good for us, and it's good for them, too. Right?
- [25:56]
B
That's how. Yeah. We light a candle at, like, a holiday meal.
- [25:59]
A
Yeah.
- [26:00]
B
And now the candles just keep growing, but it just feels like there's one less spot at the table. And I always wonder what vacations would look like if we were all here together and how many houses we would need and the joy that would be on my father's face. And I don't know why this is our cards, but I think people say, like, you're so happy. And I'm like, I try to find the joy in things. Yes. I try to gather and get organized and organize people together, but I do that to find the life in life. I think life's too short for the mundane. I am fearful that it could just be gone.
- [26:32]
A
I mean, because you know that it can.
- [26:34]
B
I try to live in the moment as best I can.
- [26:36]
A
I mean, I think you're doing a good job, and I'm grateful that you came on here to share your story.
- [26:40]
B
Thank you.
- [26:41]
A
I am really grateful that you came on, and I'm grateful that you shared everything and that we were able to give all four of them, like, their time. That's what we can do here on Earth, right? Is like, we can say their names, we can tell their stories. We can talk about what they mean to us. Right.
- [26:56]
B
That's what I hope. I just want them to know that they're still missed and loved and honored.
- [27:01]
A
So, Kelly, thank you so much for being on the show.
- [27:03]
B
Thank you. I appreciate it. This was great for me, too. And I really appreciate you thinking of me.
- [27:11]
A
Thank you for listening to A Place of Yes. Please follow us wherever you listen to your podcasts. If you really like this episode, please share it with a friend. It would make a world of difference if we could just reach more people and share the work that we do and the stories we want to tell. Thank you so much for watching.