Podcast Summary: A Place of Yes | A Grief Podcast

Episode: From Grieving Mother to Retreat Leader and Guide
Host: Heather Straughter, Jake's Help From Heaven
Guest: Marie Cruz
Date: January 28, 2026

Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode features host Heather Straughter in conversation with Marie Cruz, a mother who experienced the devastating losses of her mother and her son within a two-year span. Through vivid storytelling and candid dialogue, Marie shares her journey through compound grief, her struggles and coping mechanisms, and how she transformed her pain into healing retreats and guidance for other bereaved mothers. The conversation embraces the messiness of grief, the ongoing search for meaning, the importance of vulnerability, and the hope of finding connection and light after loss.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power and Complexity of Compound Grief

Timestamps: 04:02–13:22

• Marie describes losing her mother suddenly at age 64, which was her first significant loss. The shock and practical aftermath (e.g., handling the estate, making official calls) compounded the emotional toll.
  • “It was my first major loss... and it was also that, like, shocking to the level of my grief.” [06:05, Marie]
• The loss of her mother awakened Marie’s awareness of life’s impermanence and the unpredictability of loss.
  • “I think with my mom was the first taste of the impermanence of humanity, of life. Like, in a moment it could change...” [07:17, Marie]
• Marie shares how deeply her mother’s absence was felt in small moments—like wanting to share her daughter’s achievements, but being unable to call her mother. This spurred her exploration of spirituality and “presence beyond the earth.”
• Just under two years later, Marie’s son Quentin died at 22. The trauma was compounded by the fact that Marie herself discovered her son, just as she had with her mother.
  • “So back to back, I have these PTSD situations... it just was, yes, compiled like right on top.” [14:03, Marie]

2. Navigating Emotional Fallout: Doubt, Intuition, and Survival

Timestamps: 18:50–23:04

• Marie speaks openly about the insidious nature of self-doubt after sudden, traumatic loss, especially as it relates to her intuition as a mother.
  • “I always prided myself on my intuition. And to doubt that part of me was almost like... it kind of shook my whole foundation.” [20:43–21:42, Marie]
• Heather echoes these feelings, noting that for many grieving parents, “guilt” isn’t the word—it’s doubt that lingers and seeps into everyday life.
  • “That doubt is like, what if... And that is... the thing that even the years later... can feed in because...” [20:43, Heather]

3. Tools for Processing Grief: Therapy and Journaling

Timestamps: 23:04–32:51

• Marie leaned heavily on her long-term therapist after her mother’s death. With Quentin’s passing, she returned to journaling as a daily practice, both for emotional release and as a self-healing tool.
  • “My journal is my meditation... it’s my self-therapy. It’s why I built a whole program around it...” [24:03, Marie]
• Marie is honest about avoiding journaling for several weeks after Quentin died, fearing what would emerge if she confronted her deepest feelings.
  • “I think there was a part of me that was scared that I would go and look and I would see. Oh, you did see some things but you didn't…” [29:59, Marie]
• Both discuss the fear that allowing oneself to fully feel grief might result in never recovering, staying “stuck in it.”

4. Deliberate Choices: Deciding to Keep Going

Timestamps: 32:51–35:42

• Marie credits survival to repeated conscious choices:
  • “I would say... I decided again and again and again and again, over and over. Yep. And I. I just kept deciding.” [32:51, Marie]
• She makes a critical distinction: remaining in misery will not bring a loved one back. If you’re going to stay, strive for a life not defined solely by sorrow.
  • “If I was going to be here... then I was going to figure out how to not be miserable. And if he wasn’t here, anyway, that me holding on to him wasn’t gonna do me any good...” [34:17, Marie]

5. Grief and Joy: Allowing Both to Coexist

Timestamps: 35:43–39:46

• Both women reflect on the possibility—and necessity—of allowing both joy and grief to coexist.
  • “Grief and joy, they live side by side in our lives. And it's okay...” [59:37, Heather]
• Marie notes that if she connects with her son through misery, that becomes the new form of connection—something she wants to avoid.

6. Spiritual Communication and Signs

Timestamps: 39:46–47:44

• Marie shares deeply personal accounts of sensing Quentin’s presence after his death, which began with a moment on her porch involving a butterfly and a message she felt from him:
  • “Q, why did you have to go?... And he said, ‘But look, Mom, I’m free.’” [44:12, Marie]
• She describes subsequent episodes of “hearing” him express care, and the comfort these brought her in her desperation to know he was okay.
  • “It wasn’t me... It was commentary. It was... I literally feel like I heard him fussing at me almost...” [45:41, Marie]
• Both women relate to the spiritual search that can come after a child’s death, whether through signs, faith, or a desperate need for answers.
  • “I got desperate to understand... not for signs... but to understand what happens when you die.” [47:32, Marie]

7. Creating Healing Spaces: Retreats, Journaling Courses, and Novels

Timestamps: 49:25–57:25

• Marie details how writing a novel about her life (with her mother’s and son’s stories woven in) became a key part of her healing—a decision catalyzed by both their deaths.
• She developed a journaling process and retreat structure out of her own practices. A pivotal moment came when she intuitively created a four-step journaling technique, which later became the heart of her retreat programs.
  • “On scene, I make up this four-step process... And I named it and all that... probably took a while to resonate what I had done.” [54:01, Marie]
• Her retreats focus both on general challenges women face—midlife issues, loss, transitions—and more recently, she’s led retreats specifically for mothers who have lost a child (Defy the Gravity of Grief).
• Marie emphasizes that her work is about helping grievers want to “come out the other end,” allowing them to access both suffering and healing, and to share support and practical tools with each other.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Grief’s Shock and Unpredictability:
  "Your first loss... is all of those things. And I think I like the way you said like sort of the impermanence of humanity because it makes you realize so firsthand that there is an end and that end is forever."
  — Heather [08:20]

• On Grief and Intuition:
  “To doubt that part of me was almost like... not that I had abandoned myself, but like not only had I lost my son, but I couldn't trust what I... who I thought I was in this deepest, most intimate part of me.”
  — Marie [20:43]

• On Journaling and Self-Discovery:
  “You'll find yourself on the pages of the paper. And I just didn't want to look. Yeah, I was terrified.”
  — Marie [26:11]

• On the Need for Permission:
  “The first thing that has to come before anything is giving yourself permission to get better and permission to have peace.”
  — Marie [61:00]

• On Spiritual Experiences:
  “I said, q, why did you have to go?... And he said, ‘But look, Mom, I'm free.’... because if I was making it up, that is not what I would have said.”
  — Marie [44:12]

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Compound Losses and Initial Shock: 04:02–13:22
• Navigating Doubt, Intuition, and Self-Blame: 18:50–23:04
• Therapy, Journaling, and Facing the Unfaceable: 23:04–32:51
• Making Deliberate Choices in Grief: 32:51–35:42
• Spiritual Experiences and Connections: 39:46–47:44
• Transformation to Helping Others (Novels, Retreats): 49:25–57:25
• Permission to Seek Joy and Coexist with Grief: 59:37–61:00

Resources & Contact Information

• Marie Cruz Website: mariecruz.com
  • Offers journaling process packages, retreat info, and writing resources.
• Retreats:
  • Defy the Gravity of Grief: For mothers who have lost a child
  • Relax and Renew Retreats: For women in any major life transition
• Marie’s Novel: Available via her website and Amazon. Signed copies can be requested directly from her.
• Marie on Social Media:
  • Shares stories and grief resources via Facebook and TikTok.
• Podcast: Marie plans to launch "Defy the Gravity of Grief," specifically for bereaved mothers.

Closing Reflections

Marie and Heather’s conversation is unflinchingly honest and deeply compassionate, embodying both the crushing weight and unusual beauty that can surface in the aftermath of profound loss. Their stories offer solidarity, practical insight, and hope—a reminder that grief is not something to “get over,” but an experience to move through, again and again, while allowing space for joy, purpose, and connection.

"If we don't give ourselves permission, then it's almost always like we're doing something wrong or against our loved one or betrayal or something like that." — Marie [61:00]