How One Tragic Loss Changed a Family Forever

Summary

A Place of YES | A Grief Podcast Episode: How One Tragic Loss Changed a Family Forever Host: Bright Sighted (Heather Straughter) Release Date: March 13, 2025

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Introduction

In this deeply moving episode of "A Place of YES," host Heather Straughter delves into the profound impact of losing a loved one unexpectedly. Titled "How One Tragic Loss Changed a Family Forever," the episode features an intimate roundtable discussion with the Best family—Lisa Best (wife of the late Bob Best) and their children, Allie and Tyler. Together, they explore their grief journeys, the ways they've channeled their sorrow into creating something meaningful, and the collective transformation their family has undergone since Bob's untimely passing.

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The Day Bob Passed

The conversation begins with Lisa Best recounting the harrowing day Bob Best died. She describes the suddenness of his passing and the immediate shock that enveloped the family.

• Lisa Best [00:01]: "He had a $100 bill. His ring, I think his shirt... but it took like that day went forever. It was so odd."

• Heather Straughter [00:15]: "It's such an odd day. I remember coming home from the hospital and I feel like you're there forever."

Bob passed away due to cardiomyopathy while engaging in intense physical training, a stark contrast to his otherwise healthy and active lifestyle.

• Tyler Best [15:02]: "He was doing high-intent, what do you call it, Hip training at peak. He was pushing a sled when his heart gave out."

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Grieving Individually and as a Family

The episode delves into how each family member processes grief differently, highlighting the unique emotional landscapes they navigate.

• Lisa Best [02:19]: "This is gonna be a little bit of laughter, a little bit of sadness, but I am Bob's wife..."

• Allie Best [05:05]: "It was a week before my 27th birthday because dad and I are both Tauruses."

Heather emphasizes the complexity of grief, noting how it affects individuals both separately and collectively.

• Heather Straughter [00:46]: "We're here because Ali sort of invited to come speak with you. I don't want to say I'm a fan of the grief content, but what you're doing is pretty special."

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Coping Mechanisms and Memorials

To honor Bob's memory and cope with their loss, the family engaged in various activities such as planting trees and creating memorials.

• Lisa Best [06:17]: "We plant this sycamore tree and whoever."

• Allie Best [06:39]: "I wrote him a Father's Day card and brought it to the tree, like, two years ago, and I sat there and read it aloud to his tree."

These memorials serve as tangible reminders of Bob, allowing the family to feel his presence and keep his memory alive.

• Tyler Best [08:37]: "I can fit in the chair with both my daughters and watch TV at night. And it's kinda like one of those full circle moments."

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Establishing the Foundation

In the wake of Bob's death, the Best family took proactive steps to transform their grief into positive action by establishing a foundation to support the community.

• Heather Straughter [22:36]: "So what was that like afterwards?"

• Tyler Best [24:54]: "Six years ago, the fall of 2018... organized a golf tournament in his memory and to raise money."

The foundation has grown significantly, partnering with organizations like the YMCA to fund before and after school programs and provide scholarships to students pursuing trades.

• Lisa Best [25:07]: "At the start, it wasn't through the YMCA... Two years ago, I think they're gonna do the same thing this year."

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Lessons and Takeaways

Throughout the episode, the Best family shares invaluable insights and lessons learned from their journey through grief, offering guidance to others facing similar losses.

• Lisa Best [28:36]: "Don't tell anyone who's had a loss that they're doing well. Provide spaces to talk and be good listeners."

• Tyler Best [29:53]: "I wish my dad knew exactly how I felt about him, but I wish I told him more."

• Allie Best [29:58]: "I wish I told Bob much more how much I appreciated him."

Heather underscores the importance of honest communication and allowing oneself to feel and express emotions without judgment.

• Heather Straughter [20:18]: "It's important that people feel comfortable in any space to just talk about their loved one."

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Conclusion

Heather Straughter concludes the episode by reflecting on the strength and resilience of the Best family. She emphasizes the therapeutic nature of sharing grief and the connections formed through collective sorrow.

• Heather Straughter [30:43]: "Sharing the stories and sharing the tears and sharing the laughing through the tears kind of thing."

• Lisa Best [30:43]: "Bob will probably go find Jake and say, hey, your mom's really cool."

The episode serves as a testament to the enduring power of love, memory, and community in the face of unimaginable loss.

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Notable Quotes

• Lisa Best [05:02]: "I get like, I'm the one whose kid died. Or people know your story, and they know your story, even if they don't know you."

• Allie Best [20:18]: "It's almost like, not that this has happened, but I'll use the example of a flat tire... it's like, oh, my God, now I have a flat tire."

• Tyler Best [18:11]: "Everyone who's experienced sudden loss or loss at all, you probably can relate."

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Takeaways for Listeners

1. Honest Expression: Allow yourself to express grief authentically without feeling pressured to "move on" or "be strong" prematurely.

2. Memorialize Meaningfully: Creating memorials or engaging in activities that honor your loved one's memory can provide comfort and a sense of connection.

3. Community Support: Lean on your community and allow others the space to listen and support you without judgment or unsolicited advice.

4. Transform Grief into Action: Channeling grief into positive endeavors, such as establishing foundations or supporting community programs, can create a lasting legacy.

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Heather Straughter encourages listeners to share the episode to reach and support more individuals dealing with grief, highlighting the collective journey towards healing and remembrance.

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For more episodes and to support the mission of "A Place of YES," please follow us on your preferred podcast platform and share this episode with friends who may benefit from hearing these powerful stories.

Transcript

[Lisa Best]

Somebody said, do you want us to go back and get Bob's things? He had a $100 bill. His ring, I think his shirt, I'm not sure. But it took like that day went forever. It was so odd.

[Heather Straughter]

It's such an odd day. I remember coming home from the hospital and I feel like you're there forever. But I think with Jake, I don't think we were there very long. And I remember walking in that door to my house and just screaming because I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had come home without him. Welcome to A Place of Yes, a podcast about how I moved through my darkest hour. And for me, that was in channeling my grief into good. Welcome to the show. Hi, I'm Heather Straughter. Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to share this week's episode with you. We talk about the loss of Bob Best, and we talked to his wife Lisa, and both of his kids, Allie and Tyler, and it is a true roundtable discussion. At times, we're all talking at the same time, but it is a wonderful conversation where we share memories, tears, laughter, and we talk about and we learn about the way grief affects us all. I love this conversation because it showcases all the different journeys people are on and how you can experience so many different things all at the same time. I hope you enjoy the conversation. So today's episode is a very special episode. We are examining in more depth than. Than I think we've had before, the idea of how grief and how the loss of people in our lives not only impacts us individually, but how it impacts us as a group. So today I have with me an entire family. They lost their father, they lost their husband, and they lost him completely unexpectedly. Before we get into depth, let me introduce the best family. I'm here with Lisa, Allie, and Tyler. We're here to talk about Bob. And if each of you could just sort of introduce yourselves to the audience, I would love that.

[Lisa Best]

This is gonna be a little bit of laughter, a little bit of sadness, but I am Bob's wife, and you are. You can't talk yet. See, now we're having.

[Tyler Best]

Thanks so much for having us, Heather. I'm Tyler.

[Lisa Best]

Thanks, Tyler.

[Tyler Best]

We're here because Ali sort of invited to come speak with you. I don't want to say I'm a fan of the grief content, but what you're doing is pretty special.

[Heather Straughter]

Thank you. Can one of you share. Share about Bob?

[Lisa Best]

I can. I can start.

[Allie Best]

Doesn't matter to me.

[Lisa Best]

It was a Monday that Bob passed. Sometimes I say he left because we both left for work and not expecting that we wouldn't see each other again. Bob worked out faithfully with some friends at a gym and he was in great shape. You know, we had no idea that he had a weak heart. He gave me a kiss goodbye. It was the day after his birthday. And I remember when dad had to come back in the house because he forgot the stupid gift I gave him because Bob had everything. But I gave him a gift. It was a money clip.

[Allie Best]

He was a gift to purchase gifts for.

[Lisa Best]

He really was. And I remember him walking back into the kitchen and looking at me with his money holder with that. He has this grin. That's something that everyone knows about dad, Bob, he's got this great grin. I felt bad because it wasn't a great gift. Anyway, he leaves. I finish my coffee, I go to work. I was a union member working on the SSTA at the middle school. I walked into my office and my former principal came in and she said, lisa, grab your bag. Bob is on his way to the hospital. Larry Fine called and I grabbed my lunch bag. Like, I don't know, I just kind of freaked out. We called him back and the first thing he said was, I'm so sorry. And I was like, why? For what? So I'm on my way to the hospital, I'm telling my principal to take a faster route and she wasn't going fast enough. And I'm thinking at the same time, my brother in law had a heart attack and he is fine. And I'm saying, everyone has heart attacks and everyone is fine. So I get there, I guess there was like a phone tree because everyone knew. So they came in and they sat with me. And I'm trying to locate Tyler. The nurse was saying, he's going to be all right, look at the monitor. The short story is that he wasn't. And what really freaked me out and made me so mad was the doctor came in who was helping dad. And he said in the present tense, which really pisses me off. Does Bob have a good appetite? Does Bob work out? It wasn't did. I'm pretty sure it was the word does. And then he put his head down. He said, I'm so sorry to tell you, but he didn't make it.

[Heather Straughter]

So how old were you guys?

[Allie Best]

It was a week before my 27th birthday because dad and I are both Tauruses. So I was the last to arrive. And I thought the same thing driving there, she and I, you know, I. I thought, well, he did just turn 60, you know, and he does love to be active very well. Could have been a heart attack. And I pictured myself joking at his.

[Heather Straughter]

Bedside with him, like, come on, dad.

[Allie Best]

Yeah.

[Lisa Best]

Yeah.

[Allie Best]

So I. I got there last, and I walked in, I saw Larry Fine head over, heard him say, I have to leave. I can't be hurt. I cannot be here. He didn't want to see me get so upset. And they said, allie, you really need to be strong right now. And that's sort of when I knew. And then I was brought to the family room, and I saw these guys.

[Heather Straughter]

Do any of you, like, do you have, like, a relationship with your dad, with Bob still? Like. Like, do you talk to him like, I talk to Jake all the time, sometimes. Do you talk out loud?

[Allie Best]

Yeah.

[Heather Straughter]

Yeah. So, like, do you.

[Lisa Best]

Not so much out loud, but someone told me, or maybe I read it somewhere, that if you say the person's name out loud, then that person will come to you. And I know that Bob is here. I truly. I just know he's taking really good care of us. And every day, yeah, I talk to him out loud, but I think I want to talk to him more out loud.

[Allie Best]

I wrote him a Father's Day card and brought it to the tree, like, two years ago, and I sat there and read it aloud to his tree.

[Lisa Best]

So we have this great group of friends, and, you know, many of them. A person outside of our friend group called and said, you know, I don't know if you know that you can do this, but if you'd like, you can plant a tree in Congress Park. And she was helping make the connection. She gave me choices like, well, sycamores, they grow fast, and they're strong, and, you know, fast and strong. And I thought, okay, sycamore will be beautiful. So we plant this sycamore tree and whoever.

[Heather Straughter]

I didn't realize you could do that. It's pretty cool.

[Lisa Best]

Yes. And there are a handful of trees and bushes over there in memory of other people, and we decorate it every.

[Allie Best]

Christmas, and we have spent some other Father's Day there. We'll get bear claws for from the bread basket and bring them over and just kind of hang out.

[Lisa Best]

When the tree started growing, people would send me a picture and say, oh, my, look how beautiful the tree looks.

[Heather Straughter]

How old are your children?

[Tyler Best]

Ruby just turned five, and Penelope will be two at the end of March.

[Heather Straughter]

So they did not know?

[Tyler Best]

No.

[Lisa Best]

Which is one of my biggest regrets. I did so many things. I saw mediums and sought therapy and did energy work, and I Was like, okay, someone please help me figure this out. When Nicole, my daughter in law was pregnant, I was very, very, very sad that Bob wasn't going to meet the baby. But this woman said, you don't understand. Bob will meet the baby before anybody. And I really believe that. I believe that it was God and Bob gave the baby to Tyler.

[Heather Straughter]

I feel like having young kids around when you're going through something so hard also makes it, I don't want to say it makes it less hard because in some ways it's, it's sad, right? Like I'm sure you're sad that your kids don't know your dad.

[Tyler Best]

Oh yeah.

[Heather Straughter]

You know, that's gotta feel like hard. I don't know. I think it's oddly beautiful.

[Tyler Best]

I'm fortunate enough to. We live in the house, my wife and two daughters and I live in the house that I grew up in. There's still this big green chair that my mom and dad bought 30 years ago or however long ago. You know, I can fit in the chair with both my daughters and you know, watch TV at night. And it's kinda like one of those full circle moments. Just.

[Heather Straughter]

That's really special I think, to have that. Do you feel him close? Because you can like you have so many memories, right? Like you can almost see him everywhere.

[Tyler Best]

So many memories. And Ruby's old enough to know that that's grandpa Bob's chair. It's special.

[Heather Straughter]

This is kind of to everyone, but also a little bit to you because you're in the house and you mentioned like his books. Do you have things where you just keep it exactly the same even though like time has passed?

[Lisa Best]

I left all of Bob's clothes for a very, very, very long time right in the closet. Like the jeans that Bob was sat. Don't, don't wash jeans. I just told Tyler, dad said don't wash those jeans. It's interesting that the jeans and the belt were right on the hook. And I can see it right now. Nothing moved for a very long time. A long time. And then Tyler and Nick moved into the house and obviously things had to be moved. And now a lot of stuff is upstairs right in the attic.

[Tyler Best]

Yeah, a lot of it's up in the attic. I worked, worked with my dad for three years until he passed. I still have this way too big storage locker that we had for work. It has become our family. Catch all. So there's a lot of stuff in there. I mean I've moved on from that company. We closed the company. But I still have Tools and things like that.

[Heather Straughter]

It's funny that you said the clothes and then it just reminded me and I think I might have even said this on the show before in our guest room.

[Allie Best]

The.

[Heather Straughter]

I have this like, very, like, weird furniture that was like my parents first, like when they got married 50 some years ago, like their furniture of their first apartment or something. And somehow, like, I ended up with it in my guest room. But there's two drawers that are Jake's clothes. It didn't feel right to get rid of them because it felt like it's all I got.

[Lisa Best]

I mean, the boot bag. The boot bag didn't move. His ski pants, his boots. He finally bought a brand new helmet and loved it. I. I think he only used it a couple of times. But the bag didn't move for a while. And we were big skiers. April 27th, Bob and I went to Killington. It was a beautiful day. It was late April. And I had this experience that I wanted to talk about at some point where I felt like I was being prepared for this. And I think I told you guys a couple times. We were at the summit, dad skied down in front of me. It was towards the end of the day, and I was just watching him ski. He's a great skier. And something said to me, he's not going to be skiing next year. I shuffled, like, I moved my binding, I moved my skis a little bit. And then I thought, well, maybe he'll break a leg. And so I skied down. I didn't give it much more thought until we did an apres thing and I couldn't find him. And I started getting really nervous. Like, I couldn't find him for 20 minutes. He was at the bar and I was checking something else out. And when I found him, I said, I feel like I just lost 20 minutes of my life with you. And he said, you know, that's weird to say. I don't know what he said, but why'd you say that? A couple of other things. The day before, when he was raking in the back, and I asked these guys all the time, did you see anything wrong with that? Remember? Remember? Like, was there anything. And he went to the backyard and he was raking. And it was kind of like a Jack Kerouac moment. When Bob read him, he had this big rake and he just put his chin on it, and he was just looked like he was deep in thought. And I thought, you know, is he feeling okay? So I went out and I saw him. I felt like something Was up anyway.

[Heather Straughter]

Those are hard feelings to make sense of, I think, sometimes, right?

[Allie Best]

Oh, yeah.

[Heather Straughter]

Like. And you look back on them, and sometimes I always wonder with those if it's, like, how real it is or how much we create after the fact.

[Lisa Best]

A little something else I wanted to share. Bob's mom and dad are still alive, and we're very, very close. And they were in Florida when Dad passed, and I had to. I had to call them.

[Allie Best]

Grandma didn't understand, or there was maybe bad connection, but she said Bobby or Bob. And because she ended up being quite loud over the phone, you could hear her repeat herself and, you know, almost like with a question mark at the end of his name every single time.

[Lisa Best]

But, you know, amazingly, it took them three days. They got in the car, they put the situation in a compartment and didn't think about it until they came, and it was three days. So we had to do things that typically aren't done before. We had the funeral, and then they arrived, and we met at the funeral home, and it was pretty horrible for them.

[Heather Straughter]

Did he have siblings?

[Lisa Best]

Yeah, Katie and Mare. And I'm very close with them also.

[Allie Best]

Not to say, you know, something good that has come of this, but there was definitely a change in the closeness with my dad's side of the family, for sure. And that's something I will always be so thankful for.

[Lisa Best]

I mean, I saw. I keep Bob's license. Somebody said, do you want us to go back and get Bob's things? He had a $100 bill. His ring, I think his shirt. I'm not sure, but it took like, that day went forever. It was so odd.

[Heather Straughter]

It's such an odd day. I remember coming home from the hospital and to both of your points, right, like, it's like you feel like you're there forever. But I think with Jake, I think. I don't think we were there very long. I think. I mean, I have no idea, but I want to say I think it was like an hour. Like, it was not long. There was a prolonged period when they were doing something, but it wasn't changing the course of what had happened. And I remember walking in that door to my house and just screaming because I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had come home without him. That feeling is just.

[Lisa Best]

It's crazy.

[Allie Best]

What's interesting is that as difficult as it is to be there and going through that, everyone at the hospital, they're there to work, so everyone that, you know, would kind of check in on us would be very busy.

[Heather Straughter]

What Happened. So he had a heart attack.

[Tyler Best]

He was doing high intent, what do you call it, Hip training at peak. He was pushing a sled when his heart gave out. And then they couldn't resuscitate him or couldn't bring him back there. So the ambulance came. When you called me, I was on my way to drop the dog off at 7:30 when you called me. So you were already at the hospital.

[Heather Straughter]

Now did you tell him like on the phone or did.

[Tyler Best]

We didn't know when you called me.

[Lisa Best]

Because I wasn't going to meet dad for.

[Tyler Best]

I was gonna meet him for breakfast before we went to Albany. And they just, they didn't know why he had the heart attack.

[Heather Straughter]

And he had it because. So there was a.

[Lisa Best]

Apparently an enlarged heart. Myopathy.

[Tyler Best]

Cardiomyopathy.

[Allie Best]

Cardiomyopathy, which can be caused from a number of different things.

[Tyler Best]

When I was in, I was living in Connecticut in 2012, I want to say, and he went to the hospital with chest tightness, shoveling the driveway that we're talking six years prior, you know, passed stress tests, was active, in great shape.

[Allie Best]

And he was also the youngest in that very small group of friends he worked out with. But what I wanted to add to when he was in the ambulance, so our neighbor at the time, one of the paramedics, ended up being her ex husband. So he was able to talk to me when I, you know, took some space from the family room and was very, very sorry, but did say, you know, we did everything. It was nice to see a familiar.

[Heather Straughter]

Face when Jake, when we took him to the hospital or like, you know, in the ambulance, the whole thing when we got in there, it was just me. I remember walking into the hospital and the emergency room doctor was one of Ethan's at the time, best friends. Dad. In a weird way, all these years later, it's still really comforting because I was like, I know that Todd did everything because there was no way he wanted to tell us that our son died. There's comfort in that for me that I was like, someone really did give it their all.

[Tyler Best]

Was Ethan with you?

[Heather Straughter]

So Ethan called 911, the ambulance and the fire, Everybody came in the house. Cause called 911, everyone came in. And then I called Brian. I remember standing there being like. And he was like, don't say that. He called our next door neighbor who then came in. And then he called my mom who then came in. So my mom and the next door neighbor stayed with Ethan. Like that poor kid, right? Five years old. And again, not the silver lining but sort of the appreciation. Because when you wake up and you have these days, right, that are just hideously horrible and unimaginable, frankly, like, unimaginable. Like even all four of us who have lived it, like you talk about it, I almost feel like we're standing outside of ourselves sometimes. Like it's unimaginable. Like, but it makes you recognize that it can change that quickly.

[Allie Best]

Well, like we said before, perspective. I mean, there's nothing that can't be figured out after having experienced this.

[Tyler Best]

What sometimes trips me up, I mean, I sense this. You know, I'm more anxious than I've probably ever been. You know, my mom said that Monday was a beautiful day. If I wake up and it's a gorgeous Monday morning and I'm just like on edge. Or sometimes I'm like, life, you know, life can't be this good. Just. Yeah. Kind of what we live with now.

[Heather Straughter]

You had said in your email, I'm not the same person I was before Bob left and I will never be that person again.

[Tyler Best]

But, you know, everyone who's experienced sudden loss or loss at all, you probably can relate.

[Allie Best]

I'm so much more irritable sometimes and like, just really lacking some patience. Not with any one or any scenario in particular. But I remember a couple years ago I was on my lunch break from the pharmacy and I just was waiting in line for my sandwich and I was just like, I'm internally like so angry right now. I guess with that, I've also learned a lot of patience. I do find myself way more angry and irritable at times, but my patience is. It's huge. I have patience for everything now and any scenario.

[Heather Straughter]

I think what you just said though, is so important because I think that I, to a fault sometimes tried so hard to find the. Do you know what I mean? Because I think you need to sometimes. But I think that the really honest part of it is as good as we try to say. Like, oh, all this, two things can be true. And all this stuff, the realness is that it just totally sucks. And it's like even after all this time, it's like you're still really angry and all of those feelings are there. And I think that's really important that you said that because sometimes the whole like living in the moment and don't sweat the small stuff and bleh, blah, blah, blah, blah, like, it's very true and you kind of need it. But it's also like, shut up, right? It's just like, I lost my kid, I lost My father, I lost my husband. Like, these are horrible things, and I don't wanna sit here and be happy about it. I'm pissed and I'm mad.

[Allie Best]

It's almost like, not that this has happened, but I'll use the example of a flat tire. I mean, if I knew that my dad was down the road, I wouldn't really give a shit. I had a flat tire, you know? But it makes it, like, so you're like, oh, my God, now I have a flat tire.

[Heather Straughter]

And I think your point, Tyler, about the, like. Like the anxiety or like the. You know, so there's like this anger, that rage kind of stuff that kind of still lives below the surface, but then that anxiety, right? Of like, it's like we're just forever changed. I just think about that now, right? Like, okay, so you wake up on a Monday and it's a beautiful day. And instead of being like, hey, it's a beautiful day, it's. It's like, oh, shit, what might happen. And those are the things that are so hard to share with people who have not been in this space. Sometimes it's just hard.

[Lisa Best]

I went back to work quickly. I just wanted to be busy. Boy, was that a mistake. I taught at the middle school, and one of the secretaries just. She had my back. So she got a sub for me who was on call because everyone knew why. First of all, they're like, why are you coming back? Like, so I would just sort of come and go. I would do two classes and then I would break down. The kids would say, but we just saw Mrs. Best. Yeah, well, she'll be back maybe tomorrow. I was not a good teacher for that for the rest of the school year. But my kids and my colleagues understood it. But I didn't want to just be home. I wanted to be busy.

[Heather Straughter]

So you worked with your dad.

[Tyler Best]

Yeah.

[Heather Straughter]

So what was that like afterwards?

[Tyler Best]

You know, didn't really know what to do with the grief. Basically. I was very angry, very sad. So I kind of just turned inward a little bit and worked as much as possible. I think I heard you say on a previous podcast, too, that you were. Didn't get therapy. Like, didn't do talk therapy, anything like that. Yeah, still know as well. Yeah, I mean, everybody deals with it in their own way. Now you look back, it was just a blur.

[Allie Best]

And I couldn't wait to get back to work. And so I only took, like, a week off. Kim had actually said. She was like, are you sure you want to come back? And I said, yes, yes.

[Tyler Best]

Now, how Long after Jake passed. Did you start the foundation?

[Heather Straughter]

So right away. So he passed in December, and by March, we were already, like, incorporated.

[Allie Best]

But grief can be a huge motivator, though, too.

[Heather Straughter]

It is. Like, I've talked about this on the show, too, like, sometimes, and maybe you guys feel this way, too. I always say it's like the elephant in the room, right? But when you walk into a space, I felt for a long time, I was like, oh, I'm the one whose kid died. Or people know your story, and they know your story, even if they don't know you. And then it's like it defines who you are, and then the expectation of who you are is almost preconceived or something.

[Allie Best]

I mean, I can speak about my grief experiences until I turn blue in the face, but it's the first, like, minute to two minutes where I get, like, super choked up, and then it becomes a very normal conversation. So it's like, you know, I'm always getting over that little peak, but then it's something I'm very comfortable talking about.

[Heather Straughter]

It's nice to talk, like, to know that you're not alone. But, like, our society, our culture does not sort of put value on grief or, like, feelings. And I think that it's coming a long ways. Like, I feel so much better talking about it.

[Allie Best]

I would run into people who knew both of my parents in public and maybe three to five months after would be able to read them enough where, you know, they would say, well, how's your mom doing? And I was always very honest. Immediately, almost to, like, a fall. I was like, she's awful. You know, like. But their response, whether they said it or not, was like, well, how come? Like, what do you mean? She's still.

[Lisa Best]

She's still. She's still.

[Heather Straughter]

You're right. Like, people have this. Like, they think there's, like, a timeline or something, right? Like, yeah. And it's like, oh, you've passed your timeline now. You should move on.

[Tyler Best]

So I'm 36, two of my best friends in the world, you know, I went to kindergarten with. Still live in the area. Everybody moved back to the area, also lost their dads. One of them two months later, the other one potentially 10 years earlier. We don't even talk about it to each other, other than, like, fond memories.

[Lisa Best]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler Best]

And, you know, even when it was. When we were living through it, like, as far as, like, are you good? Yeah. Okay.

[Heather Straughter]

Like, that's it. Yeah.

[Lisa Best]

Right. So, like, you guys have the foundation, and we. I don't know If Tyler, you want to talk about it a little bit?

[Tyler Best]

Oh, sure, yeah. Six years ago, the fall of 2018, Larry Fine, his. His wife Rhonda, Mike Holland, his wife Christy and jt, they organized a golf tournament in his memory and to raise money.

[Allie Best]

At the start, it wasn't through the YMCA.

[Tyler Best]

I think we had 150 people. I mean, it was just has grown and got too big. I mean, they were like, this is great, but this is a ton of work. So we passed it sort of to the ymca and we help out a lot, but it goes. All the money we raise goes to before and after school programs for families in the community. Two years ago, I think they're gonna do the same thing this year. Families on the back stretch Naira for their children to go to the camp too. I mean, Saratoga YMCA has just been an unbelievable partner.

[Heather Straughter]

So all those kids who are going to camp, who wouldn't go to camp, that's because of Bob, right? That's great.

[Allie Best]

There was a scholarship as well.

[Lisa Best]

So it's a thousand dollar scholarship for a student in the county who is going into the trades. I can't believe that so much is going on for both of us and our families because of two people. You know, I just, I can't believe that the Y has been able to help us raise as much money as they have. And I can't believe that we're doing it all in dad's name. And sometimes I can't believe he's not here. You know, it's just, wow. It was only done because he left.

[Heather Straughter]

Right? Like, so it's like you're so proud of the work that you've done and what you've done with this loss. Right? But at the end of the day, you're like, I always say it. I was like, I wish I was just not as nice of a person or as good of a person and just had my kid back or you had your, like, husband back or your dad back. You're like, I would trade it all.

[Allie Best]

I was gonna say, do you know how, like, people view Cardinals as, you know. Yes. So for the longest time, it was only Cardinals. I see a lot of. I don't want to say a lot. The last three times I've seen a hawk, it has been when I am really struggling and it's like, oh, thank you. But this one time, maybe like two and a half months after my dad passed away, I didn't realize how like bird of prey, like cardinals actually are. So I'm driving, driving. I'm taking the kids to the pool. And I just smoke a cardinal because it went right under my tire. I called you and I was like, I just destroyed dad again. I was like, he's never coming. I was like, what have I done?

[Lisa Best]

I had a hard time with that.

[Allie Best]

Oh my God.

[Heather Straughter]

I would totally. I would like, have lost my mind.

[Allie Best]

I was like, the cardinal, the cardinal. There's no more cardinals. Like, I'll never see another one. And then I like Google searched it and I was like, okay. They really go after whatever it is that they're trying to eat. Like, I guess it didn't realize a car was coming. It was just so, like the longest five minute traumatic experience ever because it's.

[Heather Straughter]

Like you just want to rewind. You're like, I can't.

[Allie Best]

Like, well, there goes ever seeing him again in any form.

[Heather Straughter]

So one of the things we do on the or we've been trying to do on the show a little bit is provide the audience with, I sometimes call them, like takeaways. Like, every situation is different and unique. But like, are there any things that people have said that just you wish they didn't say or lessons you've learned that are just that people listening can think about the next time they are with someone who's had a loss or they're in that space. Like, I always think it's really helpful if we can just sort of provide our audience with just things to ponder, things to think about, some things that.

[Lisa Best]

People said, you know, in time, you know, the time was supposed to heal, you know, the loss of Bob. That didn't work. You're doing really well and I'm not doing well at all. But people wanted to make me feel good. So I would suggest don't tell anyone who's had a loss that they're doing well. And I did a lot of reading that was extremely helpful. I think it's important that people feel comfortable in any space to just talk about their loved one. And I know I have those spaces. So if people can provide their good friend who is grieving the space to talk, you know, and just be good listeners. I've had a lot of that.

[Tyler Best]

I don't. A lot of what she said after losing someone, but before losing someone, gee, I wish my dad knew exactly how I felt about him, but I wish I told him more. I try not to let people in my life that I care about. You know, if I were to go tomorrow, I want everyone to know, you know, how I feel about them. So. And yeah, let everything, let things go. Basically, yeah.

[Lisa Best]

I wish I told Bob much more how much I appreciated him.

[Heather Straughter]

Those are good takeaways. Those are good lessons. I always feel weird when I say this again, but I, like, I love this conversation. Like, I really have. For me, having these conversations, it just helps, right? So I'm so grateful for you all coming in because I do think that sharing your grief with others, I think, is just. I don't know. It helps, I think. And it doesn't make it easier. It doesn't make it go away, but it sort of just helps. And, like, sharing. Sharing the stories and sharing the tears and sharing the laughing through the tears kind of thing. Like, I. I always. It makes me feel better, and it makes me always feel like. Like Jake's got another person up there. Right? Like, so, you know, like they didn't know each other, but, like, exactly. Now they're connected.

[Tyler Best]

That's a really cool way to think about it.

[Lisa Best]

Bob will probably go find Jake and say, hey, your mom's really cool. See, I love that Jake will say, and so are your family members. This was a great experience. I have been thinking about it the last couple of days, wondering, you know, how will I get through it? And I think we all did a pretty good job. But I appreciate that you brought us together, and thank you for reaching out to Heather also. Honey.

[Allie Best]

Yes.

[Heather Straughter]

Please follow us wherever you listen to your podcasts. If you really like this episode, please share it with a friend. It would make a world of difference if we could just reach more people and share the work that we do and the stories we want to tell. Thank you so much for watching.