Cabinet of Curiosities – “The Cheap Eats”

Episode Date: September 2, 2025
Host: Aaron Mahnke
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts and Grim & Mild

Episode Overview

This episode of Aaron Mahnke’s Cabinet of Curiosities, aptly titled “The Cheap Eats,” delivers two bite-sized stories connected by the theme of unexpected twists relating to food and survival. The first tale follows a daring heist committed by a Santa-suited criminal gang in 1920s Texas, and the second explores the origins of “fast food” markets in medieval Jerusalem under the rule of Queen Melisende. Throughout, Mahnke’s storytelling is both engaging and wryly humorous, spotlighting bizarre slices of history with his signature wit.

Story One: Santa’s Great Texas Bank Heist

[01:08–06:20]

Key Discussion Points

• Setting the Scene:

  • Christmas, 1927: Texas is in the throes of its largest-ever manhunt.
  • The target? A bank thief known by many aliases—most infamously “Santa Claus.”

• The Mastermind:

  • Marshall Ratliff, freshly pardoned bank robber, assembles a team for a new heist.
  • Due to his notoriety, he opts for disguise: “a homemade Santa Claus suit, complete with a beard.”

• The Heist:

  • The robbers enter the First National Bank of Cisco, Texas.
  • Children stop “Santa” to give their wish lists (a darkly comic touch).
  • Inside, guns are drawn, and tellers are ordered to fill a bag with cash.

• Things Fall Apart:

  • A customer and her daughter escape and alert the police.
  • The gang attempts to use eight hostages as human shields in a chaotic shootout.
  • Their “getaway sleigh”—actually a car—is almost out of gas.

• Botched Escape:

  • The robbers try to hijack another car, but the driver absconds with the keys.
  • In the panic, they forget both Louis Davis (an accomplice) and the bag of cash.
  • The hunt lasts another week before the gang is caught or killed.

Notable Quotes

• “Their target had many aliases. Kris Kringle, Old Saint Nick, even Papa Noel. But no matter what name he went by, the truth was the Santa Claus had robbed a bank.”
  — Aaron Mahnke (01:20)

• “Santa suit or not, those bank robbers would spend the rest of their lives on the naughty list.”
  — Aaron Mahnke (06:15)

Memorable Moments

• The surreal image of a Santa-suited criminal ringleader being stopped by children before robbing a bank.
• The failed getaway, complete with lost cash, forgotten accomplices, and a comedic car hijack gone wrong.

Story Two: Jerusalem’s 'Street of Bad Cooking'

[07:26–11:53]

Key Discussion Points

• Food Tells the Story of a City:

  • Mahnke begins with an observation: late-night street food in big cities is a key window into their culture, but “how far back into history does that go?”

• Medieval Jerusalem’s Tumultuous History:

  • Political instability—crusades, sieges, shifting rulers—never stopped the city’s daily life.
  • Focus on Melisende and Fulk of Anjou’s power struggle and Fulk’s eventual death.

• A Queen’s Lasting Legacy:

  • Queen Melisende becomes the first woman to hold public office in Jerusalem.
  • She directs the creation of a triple-market: “the street of Herbs, the covered street, and the street of Bad cooking.”

• The Street of Bad Cooking:

  • A marketplace for affordable, quickly prepared food—often of dubious quality but heavily spiced.
  • Not all food was poor; there were also fresh fruits and breads.

• The Birth of Fast Food:

  • Melisende’s markets mark an early example of a diverse, urban “fast food” hub—a precursor to modern convenience eating.

Notable Quotes

• “It’s perhaps not surprising to remember that people have not always been quite so traveled and food not quite so industrialized. And the farther back in time you go, the more interesting these differences become.”
  — Aaron Mahnke (07:42)

• “And this third street would perhaps become the most infamous of them all. It’s there that locals would prepare vast quantities of low quality food to be sold cheaply. The meat was bad, almost always rancid, but caked in enough spices that you’d hardly be able to tell.”
  — Aaron Mahnke (09:55)

• “And thus, thanks to her, the violence, turmoil and upheaval of the Crusades gave way to a business practice that wouldn't have a name until modern times: fast food.”
  — Aaron Mahnke (11:40)

Memorable Moments

• The poetic image of medieval Jerusalem—a powder keg of religious conflict—nurturing one of the world’s earliest fast food markets.
• The description of “bad” meat—so heavily spiced no one could tell how rancid it was—a wry echo of “cheap eats” through the ages.

Episode Structure & Style

• Tone: Wry, intelligent, and laced with dry humor.
• Structure: Two sharply contrasting tales connected via their relationship to resourcefulness and survival, all with a culinary twist.
• Best For: Listeners who love bizarre history with a touch of irony and a focus on the everyday quirks that connect past and present.

Timeline of Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |--------|----------------------------------------| | 01:08 | Santa Claus bank robbery story begins | | 06:16 | First story ends | | 07:26 | Medieval Jerusalem story begins | | 11:40 | Conclusion and reflection on “fast food”|

Final Impression

The Cheap Eats highlights the strange ingenuity people have used to survive—or capitalize—on the hunger of others, whether through a bank robber in a Santa suit or a queen’s vision to feed the masses in a city at war. As always, Mahnke’s Cabinet offers curiosity, context, and a comforting sense that history is every bit as odd and compelling as the present.

Quotable Close:
“And thus, thanks to her, the violence, turmoil and upheaval of the Crusades gave way to a business practice that wouldn't have a name until modern times: fast food.”
— Aaron Mahnke (11:40)