← The Rachel Hollis Podcast
The Rachel Hollis Podcast
990 | 10 Habits that Make You More Beautiful (Especially After 40!)
00:54:29
Upgrade to the Ad Free Premium Podcast Experience - https://rachelhollis.supercast.com Get your copy of Rachel's Book Here: Audible, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Millon, Bookshop.org, or wherever books are sold! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices In this episode of The Rachel Hollis Podcast, Rachel shares ten simple daily habits she believes contribute to looking and feeling more vibrant (especially after 40), arguing that true beauty comes more from consistent lifestyle choices than expensive products. She emphasizes reducing inflammatory foods, staying hydrated, walking daily, prioritizing skincare and sleep, managing stress, cultivating confidence, and practicing self-care through habits that support both physical and emotional well-being. Rachel encourages listeners to focus less on chasing perfection and more on building rout...
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I think from the time we're little, we are sold the idea that beauty comes from, from a bottle or a spray or a pill or a filler or makeup. And if we can just find the exact perfect cream, right, if we could find the exact perfect lipstick, if we can find something that will make our hair shiny, like, if we can find the right treatment, then we will finally look the way we want to look. Or probably more accurately will look the way the world tells us we're supposed to look. But the older that I get, the more convinced I am that the most beautiful women that I know and the most beautiful women that I see don't necessarily spend more money on their beauty regime. They're usually the women who have this way of living and this way of being that makes them look healthy and peaceful and confident and vibrant. Like they have that inner glow, you know? Have you ever seen a woman at a restaurant or a coffee shop or maybe you know this person in your real life and they just look incredible? And when you step back, you're like, wow, she's not. She doesn't have a blowout and she's not necessarily wearing a ton of makeup. There's just like something about her. She's fully embodied. And it's not the 25 year old. Like they have their own particular brand of beautiful that comes with youth. That's not what I'm talking about. And I'm not talking about people who are just genetically predisposed to be stunning. I am talking about that inner something just makes a woman gorgeous. Or, I mean, I suppose a man too, depending on which man we're talking about. But I thought it would be interesting today to explore those elements that I have noticed make a really big difference in, yes, the way I feel. But honestly, what are the daily habits that, well, that make me feel prettier, that make me feel more beautiful? Like I can tell such a difference in my skin, in the way that my face looks, in the way that my body looks by doing these things. And they are not necessarily items that would have been on my list back in my 20s. I'm sure it would have been super helpful if I had done these things back then. But these are habits specifically, specifically that I have noticed make a real difference after 35. In my late 30s was when I really started to notice the effects of perimenopause. And our bodies do not work the way that they used to and they do not respond to things the way that they used to. And I don't know about you, but the older I get, the less. How do I say it? The less forgiving my body is of certain things. Like when I was younger, you know, you could go have a couple beers and then you could, you know, eat taco bell at 3 o' clock in the morning. The stupid crap you do when you're in your early 20s. I could go do those things and bounce right back. And now that is absolutely not possible on any level. But certainly on the after effects, like the way that things would look after the fact. And I do so many episodes here on the show about how we can feel better and how we can be more spiritually aligned and all of those things. And we love those things and that is the core of who we are. But sometimes we need to be girlfriends. And we're just talking about, like, hey, this made me feel a lot better about myself, which I think is super important. I am so curious what you think. If you're in the premium community, I would love for you to comment on this episode and let me know if you also feel like this. But a really big part of navigating my 40s is like, I just look different, and it's not bad, but I don't look like the younger version of me. But I'm also not sort of used to this version of myself. It's really funny because I feel like when people have talked about it before, they talk about it in a way that's negative. And I don't feel like it's a negative thing, but I feel like I'm learning the new version of me and how she looks and all that that encompasses. And in that space, space of learning and growing and accepting, I also still want to look in the mirror and be like, she's cute. I want to look in the mirror and be like, ooh, you know, Kez is going to love this outfit. He's going to just, we're going on a date. And I feel great about myself. Like, I still want that. So if you are interested in that, too, no matter your age, I'm going to talk about 10 habits, the kind of things that you can do every single day that I think have a major effect on how you look. And because it's me, these things are also gonna make you feel better. But just know that when I was making my list today, I based it entirely off things that make you look better. So if you are interested, let's jump on in. The first thing that we are gonna talk about, if we are talking about the way that we look, is, is a daily practice of cutting back on inflammatory foods. All right? We're talking sugar, we're talking dairy. If it affects you, we're talking fried foods, we're talking inflammatory. Let me explain why, and let me make a bid for why this is something that you should really care about and test. If you've never tested removing some of these things from your diet to see how much it changes your face, I think you will be blown away. So this is first on my list. Because my body after 40 is less forgiving. My body is so strong. My body is the most in shape I've ever been. I have never worked out this much. I have never been this strong. I've never seen such definition in my muscles before. I'm really proud of my body, but it does not process food the way that I could when I was younger. I think that this is everybody. Maybe there are some of you listening who are in your 50s, and you're like, no, I can still eat anything. We love that for you. That is not me. I think that it is really helpful to pay attention to what inflames your body now. If you've never really explored the idea of inflammation, I could blow your mind right now. So much of what you think of as like, oh, I just need to lose these last five pounds. I don't like what's happening with my belly. I don't like how my arms look. So much of it is inflammation because of the foods that we eat. If you have never done an anti inflammatory diet, it might actually blow your mind. Have you ever gone on a nutritional plan or a diet and you lose a ton of weight really quickly? Typically the weight that you're losing is water weight. Is, is that inflammation? It's sort of like what's sitting on top of everything. Inflammation also causes a ton of pain in our body. Back pain and sort of makes you feel achy, it makes your skin break out, it makes your skin look dry. It just. There's nothing good about it. All right, so the two types of inflammation that I want to mention today are, number one, sugar. Sugar is so inflammatory and it shows up in your face as puffiness. Like, if you've ever sort of looked to the side and you have kind of like, not necessarily a double chin, but like a, you know, is it a, is it a waddle? Do you have a little gobbler? I'm talking from experience. Like, I have definitely gone on vacation, had a little too much fun, come back and looked in the mirror after a couple weeks away and been like, oh, okay, I am a turkey. I now have this whole additional thing going on under my chin. We don't want that. I think we can agree as a society, as a community, I can go out on a limb and say that, no, none of us want a double chin. Especially when it's like you're doing all of these other things to take care of your health and then all of a sudden that shows up. No, no, thank you. Sugar is a massive contributor to the puffiness in your face. If you have bags under your eyes, that could be excess sugar. It also contributes to losing elasticity in your skin. Not to mention your energy can crash when you're having to. It's like, it's just. There's nothing good, guys. There's nothing good about sugar. My second thing that I'm going to talk about is dairy. Now, this isn't everybody, but it's so funny. As I was downstairs preparing to come and do this episode, I was chatting with my husband and my oldest son. He's 19 years old, he's home from college, and he asked what the episode was going to be about. And I was telling him, and. And he said, well, I know you're making it for women your age, but you got to talk to them about me and dairy. So thank you to Jackson for reminding me of this story. But when Jackson was in high school, he had really bad acne. And lots of kids have bad acne in high school. But Jackson is this special unicorn in that even in high school, he was a really dedicated kid, and if he could sort of understand how something worked, he would make a change. And when he got acne, he hated it. And he said, you know, what do you think is making it worse? And I said, well, traditionally, like, if you're having fried food or if you're having certain foods that really bother your system, it'll make you break out. And I said, you know, when I was younger, it was dairy. And so he's like, oh, I'm going to try and not have it. And he went a couple weeks and didn't have dairy, and his skin cleared up. It just changed the way that he approached his diet. It was like that simple for him. He still, to this day loves cheese, but doesn't have it because he just wants his skin to look good. Now, not all of us have Jackson's dedication to nutrition, but it's worth mentioning that it's very possible there are things that make your face look a certain way or your skin look a certain way that might not be a problem for your husband or your kids or anybody else around you. And so it doesn't occur to you that that's the thing that's causing a problem. The easiest way that I know to learn about how different foods affect us is to keep a food journal. There are apps that do this. I use one called MyFitnessPal. That's not an ad. I've just used them for a while. Helps me to keep track of what I'm taking in. I don't do it every day, but I. I will do it every couple months. Just kind of like, get back in the rhythm of noticing what I'm eating in a day. You can also keep notes in your phone. You can keep notes in a journal. And it's not about shaming or being weird or trying to restrict your food. It's literally just cataloging what you ate or what you drank. Because oftentimes we're doing things we. We don't even notice that we're taking those things in. And then it can affect your skin or it can affect the way that you feel. I started off by saying cutting back on foods that are inflammatory. But I am not a believer in cutting out things completely. If you're allergic to something, if you're. If you have a sensitivity to it and it's really hurting you. Yeah, stop. Don't eat that. Maybe this is just the foodie in me. I don't want to live a life where I don't get to have cake or cookies or, you know, a glass of champagne. I. That's just not. I know there are other fitness nutritional friends. You can go listen to their podcasts and they'll tell you to be hardcore. That's just. That's not what you're going to get from me. So how I approach this is I eat the same foods over and over and over, six days a week, and then on Saturday, I eat whatever I want, as much as I want, and it allows me to. We call it feast day. It allows me to, like, have all the sugar, do all the things, but I'm just limiting how much I'm having. Yeah, I think it's just something to be really mindful of. I know it was a popular trend on TikTok. They talked about this idea of sugar face and how all of the excess sugar shows up in your face. When I'm talking about sugar, I'm specifically talking about processed and refined sugars. I eat fruit. I have, you know, I know that those also have sugar, but they also have, you know, fiber and nutrients and vitamins and all sorts of good things. So I believe in eating whole foods, meaning eating foods that come in their natural origin. So I love fruit. When I am talking about sugar specifically, I'm talking about what's in your frappuccino. What are you putting in your coffee? Are you having soda? Are you having dessert every night? Are you having candy? All of that's going to show up in your face. So if you care about that and you want to try, notice what you're taking in and see if you feel like you need to do a little less. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I am a recovering people pleaser. I spent most of my childhood learning that in order to be loved, I needed to make sure everybody liked me. And for some of us who have childhoods rooted in trauma, it goes way deeper than just being nice or just being kind or just being a good girl. And it becomes about this feeling of safety that is something I really had to learn to unlearn. And I can't imagine navigating my adult life, especially in the last 15 years, without the help of a therapist to guide me through that process. I remember going to therapy probably 10 or 15 years ago and thinking I was there to talk about stress or anxiety. But when we really uncovered the root cause of the stress and anxiety, it was about feeling like my in laws didn't like me. Sounds sort of frivolous and ridiculous, but for a lot of people that kind of thing can destroy our days. So I had to learn and I really am so grateful for my therapist for guiding me through that process. If you have never considered all of the different ways that a therapist can help you navigate these sort of stigmas in your life, these things that you struggle with and don't really know a resolution for, you should check out BetterHelp. There is a reason that I have been partnered with them here on the show for years. BetterHelp is the number one online therapy. It's the world's largest therapy platform and you can find space to slow down and talk to someone who is just there for you. They have no idea or context about all the other people in your life. They're just helping you work through your stuff. You take a short questionnaire and it helps you to identify a therapist at Better Help that would work really well for you. And the great thing is if for some reason you try that therapist out and you don't totally dig them, that's cool, you can find another one really easily. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com Rach that's better. H E L P.com Rach this is
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My second habit that makes a huge difference in the way you look, especially at our age. Hydration. I know I've been talking to you about drinking water for about a decade, but it is the cheapest beauty product on the planet. It makes such a difference. It's going to show up in your skin. It's going to show up in your ability to process things like to actually eliminate waste from your body and get stuff out, which is also going to affect how your skin looks. It helps your skin cells when you are More hydrated, better digestion, better energy, less brain fog. Your eyes look brighter, you have fewer headaches. Like, at our age. I'm assuming if you're listening to this, you're closer to my age. But our age means that hormones are fluctuating all the time, guys. So hydration is even more important because we are naturally, because of those fluctuating hormones, we're naturally more likely to retain water in places we don't want to retain it. And also simultaneously, like being dehydrated. So you're like, retaining water. You're inflamed, but you're also not hydrated. And I love an electrolyte. I've. I have talked about them a ton, especially as a runner or, you know, doing out in the garden, and it's summertime and I'm sweating a ton. Electrolytes are super important. But don't get this all twisted up. Don't think it has to be some whole dramatic thing. Don't think you have to go buy a fancy water bottle, like, get a freaking bottle of water or get a glass and chug it. If you struggle to get your water in every day, every time you go to take a sip, I want you to chug it like you're at a frat party. Like, get it all in as fast as you can and then you don't have to drink it again for a couple hours and then do again if that's what you need to do. But you are a grownup. You are too damn old to not be drinking water like you should. I can't even at this point in our lives, this. It, you know, comes out of the faucet, guys, if you need. If you need to filter it, we're going to go get a Brita, you're going to go do something. But, like, come on, drink your water. It's so simple. It costs you nothing. I guarantee, if you're listening to this, you have some kind of vessel that you can put some water in and get it into your body. Come on. All right, My third daily habit that I think makes a big difference. And I want to tell you to work out for 30 minutes. That's what I want to tell you. I want to tell you. Go to do some strength training. I'm not going to do that today because I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible and actually share ideas that anyone can do that totally freaking work. And if you don't think these ideas work, it's because you're not doing them. I said it. If if anything on my list today, you hear it and you're like, that doesn't work. You haven't done it. You haven't done it consistently. Because everything on this list 100% changes the way you feel, changes the way you look, changes the way you show up in the world. Here's my third one. We're going to go on a walk. We are going to go on a walk every freaking day and not. You don't have to run. This isn't hiit workout. This isn't, you know, hot yoga. You're just going to go on a walk. It is arguably one of the most underrated habits in existence. It helps mentally, it helps emotionally. It helps spiritually. If you're outside, you get to get out in nature, maybe get a little vitamin D. Maybe you see some birds or some dogs. Maybe you say hi to your neighbors. I went on a walk this morning, walking down the road, met two different neighbors along the way. It's so good. It lowers cortisol, it improves circulation, it boosts your mood. I feel like during the pandemic when we were all in lockdown, we all got really into going on walks because that was sort of like not lockdown, lockdown, but later on when you could go outside but you couldn't sort of be together with people, you at least could like, get out in the world and move your body. And we've sort of lost that along the way. It's also worth mentioning that walking is way easier to recover from. So if you've got joint issues, if you, you know, have pushed too hard in an intense workout, a walk is just so good, so freaking good. Are any of you old enough to remember mall walkers? Is that something that resonates with you? Let me tell you, back in the 80s and early 90s, I remember that these groups of old ladies would go walk at the mall because it was super hot where I lived and they didn't want to walk outside. And also you could walk in the mall and it was safe and whatever. So you'd have these groups of old ladies who had their sneakers on, and they would be like, plowing through the mall, doing laps at the Valley Plaza, if you know, you know, and they'd be like, going through and getting their steps in. I don't know if people still do mall walking, but if that's what you need to be, you know, if you want to go walk around and you're, you know, doing some. Some retail therapy or you're doing some window shopping or your people watching or Whatever. Just get out there and get moving. It's like your VO2 max workout. You're getting your heart rate up, but not too much. You could bring a. You could have a chat. So many elements of that are really good for you and are going to improve the way that you look. My fourth thing that you must have, if you are over 40, you must. You need to have a skincare plan. You need to have a skincare plan. And I want to tell you 27 things to do that will help your skin care, but that's too much. I don't want to overwhelm you, but I would like to say three things that I think everybody needs. I'm not going to tell you brands, you can get whatever you want, but I think at our age, whatever age you are, if you're. You're 18 and you're listening to this babe, get in on it. Well, maybe not one of them, but three things that I think you must have. Number one, you must have some kind of serum that works with your skin type and texture that makes you look hydrated. Guys, there is nothing that ages you faster, in my friendly opinion, than dry skin I can't even handle. You see those, like, before and after photos when people. There's different skin care and they're like, we did these tests and everyone felt better and looked more beautiful. I'm like, yeah, the grandma on the before picture has nothing on her skin. And on the right, she's got, like, a beautiful serum and some moisturizer, and so her skin looks better. It's so simple. Get something from the drugstore, babe. It doesn't have to be fancy, but you need some kind of serum. A moisturizer is not enough at this point, unless you live in, let's say, Hawaii. If you live in the really humid place, that's helping that skin to glow. Congratulations, you're blessed. But for most people, we're gonna need a serum. Okay, so my favorite, I'm gonna tell you just in case you don't have one. And this is not an ad, but my favorite is the Noni Glow oil from Quora Organics. I had Miranda on the show, gosh, probably two or three years ago, and I still, I have not found something better. So that's my favorite. So serum. But there's a ton out there. Number one, you got to have a serum. Number two, you got to have a sunscreen. You must have a sun. I've been wearing sunscreen on my face since I was, like, 20. I actually wish that someone had told us back in the day to put it down onto your chest as well. I really have noticed as I've gotten older because I'm a runner and I just never think to put sunscreen on my chest when I go out for a run. Terrible. But oh, my gosh, I wore like a low cut blouse in the most recent premium podcast episode where I was talking about, like our half year check in. And if you're not part of premium, they're videos. So it's like a video class that you take. But I was watching the edit back and I was like, my God, my chest versus my face. Just two completely different things going on. Because I've been wearing sunscreen on my face for about 23 years, but I've never put it on my chest. So I'm like, well, I'll start now, though. You know, I don't know how we reverse the sun damage, but in any event, you gotta have a sunscreen. If you're curious, I use Dr. Dennis Gross. He has. It's like a yellow tube with a gray top. I don't know what it's called, but I use that one. And then I also think Supergoop does a really nice one as well. Coola. I think it's called Kula. C O O L A, I think, doesn't I? I'm constantly looking for ones that are like, good ingredients. So you got to have the serum, you got to have the sunscreen. And lastly, this is a splurge, but I've been using a red light mask for probably three years. I know it got really popular about a year ago. I was one of those people who invested early. I remember looking into the red light mask back in 2020. Back then they were like $2,000. I remember you had to get them through like an esthetician. You couldn't just buy them online. And I really debated it for, like months. And then I finally was like, I can't. This is nuts. It is so expensive. And I'm so grateful I didn't get it because like six months later they were like 500 bucks. And now I'm sure they're even less. I do want to encourage you that if you get a red light mask, do your research. Make sure you're getting one that has good efficacy, that's been, you know, proven to work. But all of that to say, a red light mask makes such a difference in my skin texture. I have rosacea. And if I do not use that mask regularly, I'll be like, oh, it's fine. Like My skin looks great. And then a couple weeks go by and I'm like, what is going on? And every single time I'm like, omg, I forgot to use the mask. So at night we're in bed, we're having our peppermint tea we have every night before we go to bed. We'll be like, watching something or talking, whatever. And I'm just wearing my mask, living my best life. So those are the three things that I think everybody needs. But hopefully you have more,
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Try angel stuff for your tushy. It's made by Angels Soft and Strong budget friend. The choice is simple. Pick up a pack today. Angel Soft and Strong. At this age, you gotta have a skin care regimen. You do. We're washing our face, we're doing a little toner, we're doing an some kind of serum and then we're doing a moisturizer on top of that. About a year ago, Kez was like, God, my skin's so dry. Like, he has a totally different dosha than I do. And like, he just, he tends to be more dry. And I was like, what are you using on, you know, on your body? And he's like, showed me the lotion. I'm like, well, this smells amazing. And it's like water. Like, there's nothing. What's you got? There's layers, babe. You got to put on layers. So I have multiple layers going on the face and the body. I do. I saw someone the other day on Social who was like, who out there is actually putting on full lotion when they get out of the shower? And I was like, who out there is not. Are you not fully moisturizing your body when you get out of the shower? Guys, that's wild to me. I get out of the shower, I dry off, full moisture on the body. I use Josie Marin Whipped Argan oil. I've used it for years. It's fantastic. Unscented, full, moisturized body. And then on the parts of my body that tend to get a bit more dry. So like my arms, my Legs. Then I'm using my everyday oil oil on top of lotion. Okay. Then we're going upstairs, we're going to the face. That's like a multi stage step process. And if you're not into skin care, I just. Why? It's like the most beautiful act of self care that you can do every single day. It doesn't have to be expensive. I used to use oil of Olay from CVS or Target. Like, I mean, get one thing, get a moisturizer, get a lotion that feels really nice. Take five minutes and care for your body. It's going to look better, but it's also an act of feeling better. It's like you are a goddess. Take a moment and take care of you. Because if you don't take care of you, how in the world are you gonna expect anyone else to show up for you either? It's like, what, what do you think you're worth? What do you think you're worth? And if you think that you are worth something, you're. You're worth the investment of time. You're worth love and care and you can't be expecting that from other people. That's a choice that you have to make for you. So every single day making choices that reinforce that you are worth the effort, that's huge. Don't tell me you don't have time for it. It takes 10 extra minutes. If you don't have 10 minutes, you don't have a life. If you don't have 10 minutes for a skin care plan. But you can scroll on your phone for four hours, we need to have a real conversation about what your priorities are. Because in that scenario, your priority is numbing out and actually sort of taking yourself out of your body instead of being present in it and caring for what you have. There's something really beautiful about the process of caring for your skin. Your, your whole skin. Not just your face, your whole body. I really want to encourage you to come up with some kind of plan to do that. Okay. Number five. Number five is going to stress some of you out. And it's real. You want to know how to look more beautiful after 40? Have more orgasms. Yeah, I said it. Have more orgasms. And I know some people just got embarrassed. And I know the random person who listens to this and still likes to comment like, that I'm not a good enough Christian. There was a crazy comment that someone on my team saw recently and like the, the podcast comments, they were like, someone had said, like, oh, I, I thought I thought Rachel was such a good Christian, but I just listened to an episode. I'm giving this person a Southern accent because it was a common. Obviously I don't know their accent, but I feel like it works. She said, I thought Rachel was such a good Christian, but then I just listened to an episode, and she referred to God as she. So I think we know. I'm like, oh, my. Okay, so if that kind of person is listening. Side note, babe, God is no gender. So if God is no gender, this has nothing to do with being more beautiful after 40. But if God is no gender, then why does she have to be referred to as a man? It's called patriarchy. Anyway, Mom's getting off topic. Let's get back to orgasms. If that kind of listener is listening to this episode, this one's going to stress you out, which it shouldn't, because an orgasm is a beautiful thing that our bodies can do. And why wouldn't you want to have orgasms? You should have them as much as possible. And not just because I'm telling you that. But there is a ton of science to back up. Why this is good advice, right? Having an orgasm lowers stress. It increases oxytocin, it improves your sleep, it improves your mood, it increases circulation. And I like to think, or at least I hope, that as we get older, we become more comfortable with ourselves and our sexuality. And I hope that this is a season that you're going into where you continue to grow into that expression of yourself. If you're lucky enough to have a partner to express yourself sexually with, awesome. And if you don't have a partner, still totally possible to make yourself feel good. And it should be a regular part of your life. I remember years ago, years ago. It's got to be like 15 years or something, maybe more. I was riding with a friend of mine. We were in the car, and it was a friend of mine that I knew from church. And we had both grown up in church, which inside of evangelical Christian churches. Oftentimes a lot of conversation around sexuality or especially when it comes to women and pleasure is just. It's sinful, it's wrong. It's Eve. And she, you know, did the apple. And then the downfall of women. And now we have pain during childbirth. Like all of the crazy things that we were told growing up. But I remember talking to her about, I was married at the time, and I. She wasn't. And I was. I said something about, like, oh, but, like, you have had an orgasm. And the. She was in her 30s.
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And she was mortified, and it was a good friend of mine. And I was like, what are you talking about? She was like, I don't know that. So that's something that could only happen if you're married. And I was like, we'll call her Sarah. That was not her name, but I was like, sarah, girl, how would you even know what would help you to have that experience with your future husband if you have not figured it out on your own? And she was just so absolutely mortified. And I understand that everybody has all sorts of feelings around sexual stuff, but if you're having more orgasms, you're going to feel better, you're going to look better, you're gonna carry a sexiness in you. You are. You know it's true. Even if I'm embarrassing you right now, even if I'm your friend who's talking about this, just like I did with Sarah back in the day, and I'm totally embarrassing you right now because you're listening to me talk about this. Think about a time where you had an orgasm. You had some good sex with your husband, your wife, what have you, and then you went out into the world, right? You guys went to dinner or you went to a party, or you were on vacation, whatever, and you went out and you're like, you're carrying the cloak of your orgasm along with you. You know it's true. Even if I'm embarrassing you right now, you know that it's true. You feel different when you have that energy in your body. And I don't care if you're single. I don't care if you're in a cup. I don't care what I. I didn't say sex. I said orgasms. Try and have more of them. That's my advice. I'm not saying that it's, you know, as youthful and beautifying as a little Botox, but it might be close. It might be close, and it feels good, and it's good for your stress, and just consider it. All right, number six, this is a big one. Stop carrying other people's stress at this age. Guys, stress shows up on our face so fast. And if you don't know that that's true, you haven't gone through something super stressful post 40. I mean, it is wild. The stress that you can handle in your 20s, your 30s, and you sort of just keep on trucking versus, you know, going through a big breakup at 40. You would be shocked at how much it ages you. Stress is going to show up Naturally in life, we have no control of that, right? Just some things in life are stressful. Life is stressful. But one thing you can control is taking on other people's stress. You know, your husband's stressed out from work and then it makes you feel stressed out. Your kids having a hard time with her friends and that makes you stress out. Your friend is going through a divorce and then you feel sad for her. Your parents, their health is, you know, all of these things. We can feel compassion for people. We can walk alongside people. You are not meant to take on other people's emotions. Actually, the definition of codependence is when their feelings become your feelings. There is a way to walk alongside people and support people without being the thing that processes their feelings. If you are going to have stress that shows up in your life no matter what, you've got to be really conscious of the times when you are taking on stress that is not yours to hold. Having compassion for their plight does not mean that you absorb it. Compassion doesn't mean absorption, doesn't mean that you take it into your being. And I would also say when you find yourself in seasons of extreme stress, because it happens, that's when these daily habits, the self care going on the walk, you know, being conscious of the nutrition that we're taking in. So our immune system is strong. That's when those things are doubly, triply important. But be really conscious. I want you to ask yourself today, you know, are those shoulders up around your ears? Are you carrying tension in your back? Is it your stress? Or are you taking on something that was not meant to be yours to carry? All right, number seven, simple but super effective daily habit to make you more beautiful. Smile more smile. More smile. Right now, just do it like smile. Smiling even when you don't think you have something to smile about, triggers something in our body that makes us feel better. This is one of those act the way you want to feel. But also, people who smile more tend to be more confident. They tend to hold themselves in a different way. They stand taller, right? They make eye contact with other people. They walk into a room like they belong there. This is a little bit of fake it till you make it. But also, if the question is, how can I be more beautiful? Then show up in a way out in the world that makes you feel more beautiful on the inside. But also that people see you and they're like, oh, wow, there. That person looks like they're having a great day. That person looks more confident. You don't need me to go find some science and research and data to back up the idea that someone who is not smiling versus someone who is creates a completely different vibration to the people who interact with them. Right? So this is the simplest thing in the world, but we forget it. Smile. If you need to find reasons to smile, listen to more comedy. Go on Spotify and find some of your favorite comedians and listen to them while you drive down the road. Go watch rom coms. Go think of stories that make you laugh. Like, intentionally look for things to smile and laugh about to change your inner state, which changes your outer state. That's the kind of thing that makes you glow from the inside. That's. When people look at you, they're like, gosh, she's just so beautiful. But they. They can't really, like, name it, but it's like a. Just this vibe, this inner sense of something special. All right, number eight, daily practice that makes you more beautiful. Have a grounding practice. I dig this, because I don't think anyone necessarily expects it in an episode on being more beautiful, but I think that one of the most attractive characteristics a person can have is presence. I think that oftentimes when we see someone and we can't totally understand what makes them magnetic, it's that they are present in their body. So remember earlier when I was talking about this idea of, like, skin care and, you know, are you. Do you spend all your time numbing out versus things that you can do to kind of bring you back into your body? It takes courage to be present in yourself, Especially for those of us who were taught to abandon self, who were taught to disassociate from our bodies, who were taught to disconnect from this body. It takes courage. And I would even add another layer of that, that there's more courage involved as we get older because our body is changing. You know, I was talking to Kez the other day. We were talking about how weird it is to look down at our hands. I'm 43, and he's 49. And sometimes we both like, well, look at her hands. It's like, whose hands are these? Why do I have my mom's hands? You know, I felt like I would have older hands in my 60s, but not in my 40s. But these are not my hand. Like, my fingers are different. I feel like the backs of my hands are different. And it's fine, but it's a little weird because you're like, I'm. You're kind of meeting your body again. You're. You're learning Yourself again. So it takes an extra layer of courage to be present in your own skin and to be present where your feet are. Especially if you're in a season where maybe life is a bit stressful or it's not that easy to always be present. I am not asking you to be Yoda. I am not asking you to, you know, be a guru sitting on a mountaintop, being totally here and totally in it. But do you have some kind of daily practice that calls you back? So these are simple things like prayer, meditation, journaling, getting out in nature, doing breath work, gardening, sitting outside. You know, do you have your coffee in a really specific spot? And take the time to be quiet. Just find some kind of habit you can do every day that will ground you in this moment, that will allow your nervous system to calm down and will call you back to who you are. It can be anything that feels good to you. But being grounded in your body, no matter what your body looks like, no matter what you feel like, being grounded in your body makes you more beautiful. All right, number nine, daily habit to be more beautiful. After 40, get some freaking sleep, babe. Get some freaking sleep. This is when your body does most of its repair work, when you are asleep. This is when your body's trying to put everything back together. We're going through skin repair, growth hormones, hormone regulation. This is when your mood is be, your memory, everything. And after 40, our sleep becomes harder if you are a woman, because our hormones are fluctuating, which means our sleep and our stress and everything's all haywire. For me, I have a week every month where my sleep's really messed up. It just, you know, I go to bed, I just lay there, I'm thinking about all the things. I don't fall asleep easily. Maybe I do fall asleep, but I'll wake up at like 3 o' clock in the morning. I just accept it that that's a part of what's going on with my life right now. But it also means that when it's not that week, I will double down on sleep, because I know that that's my chance to make up for it. And if I don't make up for it, that's when my immune system goes whack. That's when I get sick, I get stressed, I'm snippy, I'm snappy. I don't want to be any of those things. It's so freaking important. I don't think you need me to tell you at this point that you need good sleep. But I will remind You. If you are looking in the mirror right now and you feel like, a little bit like Gollum, a little bit like your skin's dull, your eyes are dull, you're just not feeling yourself. I'm curious how much sleep you're getting. Last night, I went to bed at 10. I woke up at 8. Just to give you an idea, my kids are at camp, and it's summer. It's so quiet. Nobody needs me. I went to bed at 10. I woke up at 8. It was delicious. I cannot explain to you how delicious it was. And I've been doing that for, like, a week and a half. And we wake up every day, Kez and I, no alarm. And we're just like, oh, my God, it's delicious. The other day, we Woke up at 9:15. Who are we? Look, we get one time a year where these kids go to camp. You better believe. You better believe. What am I using it for? Sleep. More beautiful than ever. Okay, number 10. My last daily habit. That will make you more beautiful. This is gonna sound made up, and it is 100% the thing that will change your whole countenance. If you want to be more beautiful, hang out with people who are confident. I swear to you, beauty is contagious. Beauty is contagious because the people that you see as beautiful are confident. That is the energy that they give off. And the reason I know that is true is I can look at a hundred different people and find them beautiful, but they don't all look the same. Some are wearing makeup, some are not. Some have beautiful blowouts. Some have a shaved head. Some are fully tatted. Some. Some are old. Some are young. Beauty is about a way that you carry yourself. Beauty is that you feel good in your own skin. And confidence is so contagious. You guys, if you find yourself in a season, I'm gonna. I'm gonna speak to two different people. If you are super insecure right now, I don't mean that to be mean, but, you know, it's you and I here. Nobody knows if you would look at your life and you'd be like, honestly, I feel really insecure. In the last six months, in the last year, I am feeling less and less certain of myself. I feel very insecure. Okay, that's one group of people. All right, if you know it's you, just hold on to that for a second. Now let's look at the other group of people. If you are feeling super confident, you're like, actually, I feel great. I feel really good about myself. I feel good at work, or I feel good when I go out with my friends, or I feel good on the dating scene or I feel good with my partner, whatever. Okay, two different people. Here's my follow up question. Who are you hanging out with? I am willing to bet so much money that if you are struggling with insecurity and it like feels more pronounced than maybe it has at other times in your life, I would love to challenge you to ask if you have any friends who have influence over your life right now who are insecure people. Okay, flip side, let's look at my confident friends in the area. You feel confident at work, in your relationship, with your friends. When you're out playing, you know, rec league soccer or whatever it is, are you hanging out with people who are confident in the thing that you're doing? It is the simplest hack in the world and it is also a massive eye opener. If you are feeling insecure and then you look at your friends and you realize the insecurity that they're pouring in. This is a really important one, especially if you are younger, if you are in your 20s, and God bless you for listening this whole episode. But if you're in your 20s and you're hanging out with other people who are Also in their 20s, there is a more common, you know, prevalence of being insecure. Not everybody, but because you're like trying to figure out your life and you don't know, where am I going? Who am I? What am I doing? Look at your friends, guys. And this is not the part where I tell you that you got to ditch your friends. But if you want to turn things around, hang out with your confident friend or go into situations where you feel more confident and hang out with people in those environments. If you're struggling with your insecurity right now, but there is something in your life where you're like, I'm really good at bowling and when I go to bowling league, I feel more confident and invest more time and energy and intention in the area of your life that you have confidence in. And it starts to permeate the other areas. Whatever gets your focus, gets your energy and sort of creates who you are. So if you want to change the way that you feel, you hang out with people who are naturally more confident and you absorb it. I swear, this is so real. It just is. Like, you hang out with certain women and you feel prettier just being around them and it's not because they compliment you, it is because they are secure in themselves and they're not competing with you. And they are not criticizing their bodies. One of the greatest seasons of my life in terms of confidence was hanging out with a bunch of lesbians. Truly having a friend group filled with lesbians who were so body confident, who were so confident in themselves, who loved women, who loved women's bodies, who would never talk negatively, who didn't care about the male gaze, who weren't trying to impress anybody, like, omg, you want to have some confidence, that's your crew. But who you surround yourself with is such an indication of how you feel about yourself. So choose wisely. All right, I gave you 10 ideas. I hope that you will try at least one of them this week and let me know how you feel. I think the bottom line is just to remember that beauty. I know this sounds cheesy, but it really does start on the inside. And it is a practice. I saw this thing on social media I thought was so cute, which was being hot is a hobby. It's a young girl thing. Like a, you know, if you're in your 20s or whatever and you want to be hot, like, understand that this is a hobby. It takes time and practice and figuring out all these things. You have to actually be into it. You don't have to be hot, you don't have to make it a hobby. But I do think that if you want to feel better and look better, it is a practice. It is something that you have to do all the time. People aren't just naturally one way, they are living a certain way. And you are seeing the results of that. When we were younger, I think that we could get away with a lot more. But at this age, every choice that we make, every glass of water, every walk, every emotional boundary that we keep in place, every good night of sleep, every smile and joyful conversation, those are all a vote for the woman that you are becoming. And the older we get, the more those votes are going to matter. I hope you'll consider investing more in who you are and how you show up in the world. Doesn't just make you look prettier, it makes you feel better. I will be back soon with more conversations just like this one. Until next time. As always, guys, I love you and I'm rooting for you. The Rachel Hollis podcast is produced by me, Rachel Hollis. It's edited by Andrew Weller and Jack Noble.
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You're never just one thing. You're the boss. Hey, Google, when's my next meeting? The athlete that class wrecks me and their mom. Everyone in the all new Mazda cx, five more to move every side of you. Learn more@mazdausa.com Google is a trademark of Google LLC. Sequences shortened and simulated.
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There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. Stand still.
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Not a chance.
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