Podcast
Above Average
Hosted by Lorissa Violet · ENGLISH
Welcome to Above Average. For the women who want the career, the family, the marriage, AND the personal goals.
Candid conversations about it all!
Being a high achiever doesn't mean you have it all figured out. It means you never settle.
Hosted by Lorissa Violet
21episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Build Around Your Brain | Turning Corporate Skills into a Business
May 1800:18:37Tap to summarizeYou picked a major at eighteen, and somehow that one decision still gets to decide what you are allowed to do with the rest of your life.In this catch-up, Lorissa and Alex get into leaving corporate, translating those skills into something of your own, and why the systems that actually stick are the ones built around how your brain works instead of someone else's.What We Cover→ Why the major you picked at eighteen is not the lane you are stuck in, and how Lorissa and Alex each rebuilt a corporate skill set into something of their own→ Lorissa on launching Lorissa's List before it was ready, and why a messy first version beats waiting for perfect→ Why most task systems fall apart by Friday, and what makes one finally stickWhere to StartIf you need to finally close the 9,439 open tabs in your mind in just one afternoon so you don't have to try to remember everything anymore, this is for you. Build it here → go.alexpayetta.com/ceomodeLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaTimestamps0:00 Welcome back, and why this one is a catch-up0:15 Lorissa's List, and the corporate job it traces back to2:15 Taking your skills out of corporate without making the job your identity4:16 Alex on turning Fortune 500 systems work into coaching women4:50 You are not stuck in the lane you picked at eighteen6:06 Getting fired, and why the next thing comes in phases7:18 Launching Lorissa's List before it was ready9:08 The brand-content year that did not work, and playing to your strengths10:14 Phase two of Lorissa's List and learning by shipping11:08 Life update: five days solo with the kids12:37 Alex on building CEO Mode13:36 Getting the mental load out of your head15:22 Why Asana works for life at home too18:28 Build around your brain, not someone else's
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Why Desire Disappears After Kids | Cindy Scharkey, RN on Energy, Intimacy & the Conditions for Desire
May 1100:59:03Tap to summarizeBy the time you fall into bed at the end of the day, your body has nothing left. Not for affection, not for intimacy, not for the part of your relationship that used to be effortless. Nobody told you this was the trade.Cindy Scharkey has been an OB/GYN nurse for almost 40 years, and what she kept hearing from women is that nobody is having this conversation. So she started having it.What You'll Learn→ The "one tank of energy" reality and why your sex life is the first thing it drains→ Why scheduling sex doesn't work the way most couples do it (and what does)→ What "responsive desire" is, and why most women have been measuring against the wrong thing their whole livesHeard Yourself In This Episode?Cindy points out there's only ONE tank of energy, and your marriage is pulling from the same one as your job and your kids. The Stress Loop quiz helps you figure out which of the four loops is draining it, and what to do differently starting tomorrow morning. Take the quiz here → go.alexpayetta.com/quizLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaCindy Scharkey, RNcindyscharkey.com | @cindyscharkeyMentioned in This Episode→ Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden cindyscharkey.com/permission-for-pleasure-book→ Permission for Pleasure podcast cindyscharkey.com/podcast — short topical episodes good for couples to listen to together→ Uberlube uberlube.com — Cindy's recommended lube. Code CINDY for 15% offTimestamps0:00 Why this conversation, why now1:30 Cindy's background and why she started talking about this publicly6:00 The "one tank of energy" — sex pulls from the same well as everything else10:00 Responsive vs spontaneous desire (and why the movies lied)15:00 Scheduling intimacy without it feeling like a chore20:00 The 4% change that brings desire back25:00 The fear-of-pregnancy "hand brake" nobody talks about30:00 Decentering intercourse — what "sex" can actually mean35:00 Where to start when you don't know where to start40:00 Why painful sex isn't normal, and the lube conversation
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Emma Grede's "Three-Hour Mom" Take, And the Judgment Going Both Ways
May 400:19:46Tap to summarizeSometimes you're in the rhythm and everything feels good. Sometimes the rhythm breaks and you have to rebuild your week from the ground up. In this catch-up, one of us is in each season.Alex and Lorissa catch up on where they each actually are right now.. one of them in the most grounded season she's had in a while, one of them hitting a wall and re-working how she runs her week. The conversation wanders into the Emma Grede "three-hour mom" debate, the judgment between working moms and stay-at-home moms, and why kids turn out how they turn out regardless of what we do.What We Cover→ The moment Lorissa realized compounding Fridays was never going to catch her up→ The Emma Grede "three-hour mom" take and the problem with judging other parents' choices→ Why Lorissa's third baby year has felt completely different than her first twoLacking Energy?Alex attributes her energy to finally being back in her routines. Wake Up Different walks you through the 10-minute morning and evening routine she swears by, so you're more focused, energized, and grounded. Get started here → go.alexpayetta.com/wudLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaTimestamps0:00 Alex's "I feel lucky all the time" season2:15 Morning gratitude walks with a 4-year-old3:48 Lorissa hits a wall, Lorissa's List takes off, and the one-day-a-week model breaks6:30 Why being particular means being involved8:10 Not blending work and kids, even when the baby is just chilling11:22 Third-baby year: why time actually feels slower this time14:05 The Emma Grede three-hour mom debate17:40 Judgment between working moms and stay-at-home moms
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It All Comes Back To Blood Sugar | Dr. Sam Riley on Energy Crashes, Cravings & Hormones
Apr 2701:04:33Tap to summarizeYou keep trying new supplements, new workouts, new morning routines, and something still feels off. The thing nobody is checking is usually the thing running underneath all of it.Dr. Sam Riley is back for round two. This time we go deep on blood sugar.. why it sits at the root of hair loss, insomnia, weight that won't budge, hormone issues, fertility struggles, and the anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere.What You'll Learn→ The everyday symptom most women write off as "just hangry" that's actually a red flag for something much bigger→ Why intermittent fasting is making a huge group of women feel worse, and how to know if you're in that group→ The four foods Dr. Sam pulls first when someone says "I've tried everything and nothing is working"→ What a continuous glucose monitor actually shows you in two weeks (and why the first week you shouldn't change a thing)→ The protein number that makes women's jaws hit the floor, and the math that makes it doable→ How food order at a single meal can completely change the way your body respondsHeard Yourself In This Episode?Dr. Sam kept coming back to the same thing.. consistency with the basics. Wake Up Different is the 10-minute morning and evening routine that turns the basics from a daily fight into your DEFAULT. Get started here → go.alexpayetta.com/wudLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaDr. Sam Rileyrileychiro.com | @dr.samrileyMentioned in This Episode→ Ashley Barrett Wellness barrettwellnesscenter.com — Virtual Nutritional Therapy Practitioner→ Diabetes with Dani @diabeteswithdani — Creator of Conquer Your Diabetes, a Type 1 program for kids and women→ Levels levelshealth.com — continuous glucose monitor→ Cyrex Labs cyrexlabs.com — food sensitivity and autoimmune testing
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Be Your Own Camp | Why I Finally Sleep-Trained
Apr 2000:13:58Tap to summarizeEight months of broken sleep and a head full of shoulds.This is the mini where Alex talks about sleep-training Scarlett, and the hardest part of it actually being just undoing everything she'd told herself about what she was supposed to do. Lorissa, who's immune to the shoulds, has great advice on how to ignore the conflicting noise.What We Cover→ Why "what's best for the baby" isn't what you think→ How anti-sleep-training messaging kept Alex questioning her own intuition for eight months straight before she called it→ Why the shoulds in motherhood can sneak up on you, and what it means to "be your own camp"Take the Stress Loop QuizIf you don't feel like a version of yourself you love (like Alex felt for the past 8 months), the Stress Loop quiz helps you figure out which of the four loops is draining you, and what to do differently starting tomorrow morning. Take the quiz here → go.alexpayetta.com/quizLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaTimestamps0:00 Alex is finally sleeping1:30 Eight months of broken sleep and the home birth community4:00 Co-sleeping, home birth, and why they get tied together7:00 Identity, camps, and the should spiral10:00 Weaning Scarlett and letting the baby decide13:00 "Be your own camp"
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When Charts, Timers, and Consequences Stop Working | Peaceful Parenting with Randy Free
Apr 1301:18:53Tap to summarizeYou've tried the charts, the timers, the consequences, the gentle approach, and your kid is still melting down every morning before anyone's out the door. What Randy Free teaches is the middle ground many parents are actually looking for, somewhere between gentle parenting and old-school discipline, and it works for all kids (even neurodivergent ones).Randy Free is a family counselor and retired international tax partner who spent 30 years in high-pressure corporate environments before building the PEACE-ful Parenting Process for neurodivergent kids and the high-achieving parents trying to figure out what actually works.What You'll Learn→ A simple framework for deciding which battles to fight and which ones to let go, so you stop trying to correct everything at once→ What's actually happening in your child's brain during a meltdown, and why your calm matters more than your consequence→ The story Randy tells about kicking his own son's door down in anger, and what his son remembered years later (it's not the lesson)Take the Stress Loop QuizThis episode all comes back to the mom's nervous system setting the tone for the entire house. If you've been moving at a pace that leaves no room for patience, that shows up in every interaction with your kids. The Stress Loop quiz helps you figure out where your capacity is actually breaking down so you can start building it back. Take the quiz here → go.alexpayetta.com/quizLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaRandy Freecoachtoresilience.comTake Randy's free PEACE-ful Parenting Self Assessment to see where your parenting lands → drive.google.com/file/d/1t5k06pPR-OeTqDBiMIJh_bE4j9phnhra/viewTimestamps0:00 Meet Randy Free and his path from tax partner to parenting counselor2:45 The PEACE acronym and how peaceful parenting differs from gentle parenting6:30 The parenting quadrant, choosing your battles with red, blue, green, and yellow12:15 Alex and Lorissa on the consistency struggle between partners18:00 Nature vs. nurture and how neurodivergent brains process emotions differently23:30 Mirror neurons and why your kids absorb your stress29:00 The volcano exercise for teaching kids their own warning signs35:00 Repairing after you lose your temper40:45 When kids question authority and where to draw the line48:00 Over-scheduling and what transitions do to a child's nervous system55:00 Structure vs. flexibility for neurodivergent kids1:00:00 Parenting a highly intelligent child who is emotionally behind1:05:00 How to work with Randy and where to find him
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Dressing Postpartum: Body Changes, Identity Shifts & What Actually Helps
Apr 600:12:26Tap to summarizeNobody warns you that getting dressed postpartum is going to make you cry before church.Lorissa and Alex talk about body changes after kids, the identity shift that comes with them, and what actually helps.What We Cover→ The postpartum closet meltdown nobody warns you about and why it costs you more than time→ How Lorissa went from always being "the smallest" to gaining 80 lbs and completely rebuilding her relationship with her body→ The one closet move that stopped mornings from turning into a full emotional spiralTake the Stress Loop QuizThe reason getting dressed takes so long is the dread that comes with it, and dread costs energy you already didn't have. The Stress Loop quiz helps you figure out which of the four loops is draining that tank before you ever get to the closet. Take the quiz here → go.alexpayetta.com/quizLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaTimestamps0:00 Intro and the five-minute challenge0:24 Why getting dressed is the biggest time suck1:22 Lorissa's identity shift from always being "the smallest"2:54 The emotional weight of postpartum body changes4:47 Sobbing before church in leggings5:54 Outfit wins, fails, and the maternity romper incident6:22 The strapless gala dress disaster7:21 Packing nursing outfits for Japan8:09 Acceptance, button-ups, and the brief blip mindset9:19 Body dysmorphia and panic-buying the wrong sizes9:55 Husband gift fails (triple XS and XXL)11:19 Why clearing out your closet actually feels like freedom
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How We Actually Run Our Households | Meal Prep, Cleaning, Outsourcing & Daily Systems
Mar 2701:25:15Tap to summarizeTwo moms break down every system they use to run their households, businesses, and families without losing their minds.If you've ever felt like you're doing a million things and none of it is running smoothly, this one's for you.What You'll Learn→ The weekly rhythm that replaced seven nightly "what's for dinner" spirals with one 30-minute decision→ How a $75/week hire fits into a system that runs your entire household without you holding every piece→ The thing Alex does every single day that most people don't even know exists, and it's saving her hoursHouse RulesIf you know you're ready for more systems in your house, House Rules is every single system Alex runs at her home to keep everything running smoothly... the meals, the laundry, the mail, the mess, all of it running without you holding every piece. Get started here → go.alexpayetta.com/houserulesLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaMentioned in This Episode→ Butcher Box butcherbox.com→ Thrive Market thrivemarket.com/lorissa→ Mixbook mixbook.com→ Wispr Flow ref.wisprflow.ai/alex-payetta→ Resonant resonant.app→ The Short Years theshortyears.comTimestamps0:00 Life updates (Japan, South by Southwest, sleep struggles)12:00 Meal systems and why we eat the same thing every day19:24 Why Lorissa picks sleep over the 5:30 AM workout23:31 Buying back your time before anything else26:45 Revenge bedtime procrastination37:03 What happened when a client got a task management system44:00 The $75/week part-time assistant breakdown57:00 Car bins, mudroom staging, diaper bag systems1:02:00 Kids artwork system that keeps memories without clutter1:08:42 Why Lorissa starts every day praying for discernment1:16:36 How AI is changing the way Alex runs her business
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Nervous System, Stress, and Fixing the Root Cause with Dr. Sam Riley
Mar 1400:57:57Tap to summarizeWe have our first guest ever on the pod, Dr. Sam Riley. He's a chiropractor who practices frequency medicine, which means he looks at the whole person.. structural, emotional, and biochemical.We get into why "fixing your nervous system" might be missing the point, what's actually behind high cortisol and that tired-but-wired feeling, and why emotions show up in the body more than most people realize.What We Cover→ Dr. Sam's origin story (and the moment he walked out of his allergist's office at 14)→ What frequency medicine actually is and how it differs from Western medicine→ Why your nervous system might be doing exactly what it's supposed to do→ The connection between emotions and physical symptoms→ Alex's fertility journey and what shifted when she addressed a subconscious block→ High cortisol, fight or flight, and the tired-but-wired cycle→ Blood sugar, hydration, and minerals.. the foundations most people skip→ Why the emotional work matters just as much as the physical adjustment→ Practical takeaways for high-achieving women who can't overhaul their lives overnightWake Up DifferentDr. Sam reinforces the importance of handling the BASICS. Wake Up Different walks you through the 10-minute morning and evening routine that gets you rebuilding your foundation, without a crazy influencer routine you'll never stick to. Get started here → go.alexpayetta.com/wudLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayettaDr. Sam Rileyrileychiro.com | @dr.samriley
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Delegation, Perfectionism, and Knowing What to Let Go
Mar 301:08:45Tap to summarizeWe're back for Episode 2, and today we're getting into delegation.. why it's so hard for high achievers, where perfectionism sneaks in, and how to figure out what to hold close versus what to let go.We also go off on some tangents (as we do) about childhood, how our pasts shape our parenting, what it means to keep growing instead of chasing "perfect," and why nothing has to be permanent.What We Cover→ Why the most successful people struggle the most with delegating→ The two buckets for deciding what to outsource→ How we approach childcare completely differently (and why both work)→ The real reason perfectionism keeps you stuck→ The myth of "balance" and why gray area is the goalWhere to StartThe very first step to delegating is looking at how you're spending your time, and deciding EXACTLY what needs to be delegated. Alex created a free PDF that walks you through exactly that. Grab the PDF here → go.alexpayetta.com/timebackIf you already know you want the full system that includes exactly how to delegate, the best way to do it is CEO Mode. Build it here → go.alexpayetta.com/ceomodeLorissa's ListLorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.→ lorissaviolet.comConnect With UsLorissa Violetlorissaviolet.com | @lorissavioletAlex Payettaalexpayetta.com | @alexpayetta
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