B (3:47)

That's a.

A (3:48)

That's a safe. Safe. What am I, a safe speed. Wow. Brain is not turned on yet. Oh, no. Now she bumped up to 38. Hold on. She went from 19 to 38 real quick. We're definitely in the neighborhood, so that's not great. So with this life360. And again, not sponsored. Paid full, full price. It will show you if you're speeding, distracted, heartbreaking, and rapid acceleration. And Robin's numbers were off the charts. So not only is she not supposed to be behind the wheel, she also is going like a bat out of hell. She is driving, and I can see where she's going. Where did she go this weekend? She went to Trader Joe's Home Goods. Home Goods is near the Trader Joe's. She went to TJ Maxx. She's busting a UE at an Old Navy. I mean, good thing she's staying local, but it's not great. So either way, Robin, I am up your ass. And if you do live in our northeast suburb of Atlanta, which is Alpharetta, Johns Creek, where we live. And Robin, if you see something, say something. You know, don't distract her because she's already distracted behind the wheel. But maybe at an appropriate time, when you get to a light, you say, hey, broad, roll down the window. Go home. That's All I'm asking you to do is to tell this woman with one good arm to go home. She got very mad at me when I was tracking her. She's like, I don't like that you can see me. And I said, too bad, bitch. But I love her and I. And I get it. You think I'm overbearing with her. Wait till I have children. Everyone will be microchipped. If you can microchip a Maltese, you should be able to microchip your loved ones. And that's just how I feel about that. The government already knows where we are. They've got the clear. I've got the global entry. They have my DNA. It is what it is. I just have to know there are no crimes that I can commit where I'm going to get away with it. They got me on lock. But if that means I know which TJ Max is. Yes, plural. Robin goes to many in one day. If I just know which one she's at, it'll help me sleep better at night. Speaking of spring break, we're about to. I can see everybody queuing up in the waiting room. I'm so excited to have this new component of our podcast, which we're trying. It don't get crazy of live voicemails. But speaking of spring break, I hope that you are as excited about our next cruise as I am. It's going to be next year, May 2nd through the 6th, and it's going to be incredible. So here's the deal, because I'm getting a lot of DMS about it. You want to sign up for the presale. So let me tell you how pre sale works. When you sign up for the presale, you then get a great spot in line because booking a cruise is not like a normal thing. It's not like you're just, hey, I'm just going to book this online. I got my cabin. No, no, no. It is a white glove experience. They will call you. So the sooner you sign up for presale, the better spot you have in line. And there's only a select amount of spots for pre sale. And once you get in line, then somebody from six man, who's our incredible team that we've worked with now twice in a row for this cruise, they will call you. They will help you book everything for your cruise. I'm telling you, from the moment they answer the phone to the moment your ass gets on that boat, you are going to be in good hands. And we only have a certain amount of spots for that presale at a certain price. So if you don't sign up for the presale now, the price will go up a little bit. So get on it. Don't, don't. You know what I mean? Wade in the water. You gotta get on that pre sale. And I really genuinely think this cruise is just gonna, I mean, I hate to say blow it out of the water, but it will. I know a lot of folks were a little hesitant on like a lot of, even my close friends were like, we kind of wanted to see, see how the first cruise went. And then we were willing to like get on board but we just didn't know what to expect. And then they of day two, I'm getting emails, I'm getting facetimes on the cruise. Like we up, we should have come on the cruise. I'm like, yes, it's that much fun. Some of y' all held back on the first go around and now you're diving in head first on the second one and hopefully we have enough cabins for everybody. So get your shit together, get your ass on board. It's going to be so much fun. We will be announcing talent lineup soon and also remember there's a revolving door of that too. So if we announce some people we'll be adding later on in the year, like we're wheeling and dealing, we're hustling and it's going to be so much fun. Either way though, let's get into the spring break. Absolutely not. We're taking a hard pivot in the middle of the episode. But I am so excited to talk to some of y'.

C (8:17)

All.

A (8:17)

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D (10:00)

I'm good. And I wanted to let you know I'm signed in as my girlfriend's sister's Zoom account.

A (10:06)

Yeah. Yeah.

D (10:07)

So I'm Paige, not Alice.

E (10:09)

Got it.

A (10:10)

Okay. So this is what we love. You know, an independent woman who's not paying for her own Zoom account. And that's what I love, Paige. So, girlfriend, were we a power lesbian?

C (10:19)

Yes.

A (10:20)

Oh, my God. You know what I love? I love all the girls who love girls who love this podcast.

E (10:27)

So good.

A (10:27)

It's so good. God, you're drop dead gorgeous. Okay, Alison, Welco, our first guinea pig. We're so excited that you're here. I mean, truly. Tina, have you. She's stunningly gorgeous. Oh, my God. I'm. I'm getting nervous. Okay, Paige, walk us through your spring break. Absolutely not. Take it away. The floor is yours.

D (10:46)

So I called and said that I don't have any crazy spring break stories because I go visit my grandma in the villages, and I've been. I've been going there every spring break since I was, like, 16. I'm 23 now, so. And. And I have, like, crazy stories, but one of the things I said on the voicemail was, like, nobody gives a There.

A (11:11)

Yeah.

D (11:11)

So, like, have I thrown up? Absolutely. Hammered on the golf course. Three bottles of wine every day, but nobody really cares, so.

A (11:21)

So, Paige, let's break this down. Since you were in high school, and I feel like high school spring breaks are, like, a very pivotal core memory part of your childhood. Right? Like, I mean, that first high school spring break where you end up in, like, Dess in Florida with your top off, that is. That is just. That is your. That's youth. That's your youth. So what made you decide to go on the first spring break to the villages? And for Those of you who don't know what the Villages are, it's a wonderful retirement community down in Florida and has fun fact, the highest STD rates, I think, out of any community in America. What was that first inaugural trip to the Villages like?

D (11:57)

I was, again, I think I was maybe, like, 16. My grandma had just moved there, and I was just excited to see her because I love this. And I was just getting into golf, so she, like. And she's not a golfer, she's a line dancer. She's a water aerobics gal.

A (12:13)

Yes.

D (12:14)

So she introduced me to her neighbor Glenda next door. Got a gotta love Glenda. And so she took my brother and I out on the course. They both gave us, like, the rundown of everything, and I never would want to do anything else besides go there. Free house.

A (12:30)

Yeah.

D (12:31)

Dinner every night, wine is provided. Golf cart rides every day. And you were saying, like, the first spring break in high school. Your top is off. I think since I didn't have that, that could be a reason I'm now with a gal.

A (12:47)

Yeah, yeah. Yes, Paige, I get it. Because you did not get to sew your wild oats in high school. That is why you are fully dating women now. You think?

B (12:59)

I think.

A (13:00)

So how long have you been dating women? Because you're only 23, right? Forever. Oh, forever.

D (13:06)

Like, I mean, I knew. I think I knew in eighth grade, but I wasn't, like. I didn't know what it really meant until, like, high school.

A (13:14)

Who was the celebrity crush growing up where you were like, that's it. That's the lady for me.

D (13:19)

I want to say the whole cast from. What is it? Oceans.

A (13:24)

Oceans.

F (13:27)

Eight.

D (13:27)

Yeah. Ocean's Eight.

A (13:28)

I was just thinking about that the other day. What a great cast that was. Everyone's a babe. I mean, Cate Blanchett in that movie is sexy when she's, like, running the catering. And if you don't know what that movie is, it's the version of Oceans the Ocean's Empire, where it's a full female cast. I mean, everybody in Hathaway, Rihanna's in it. Like, it's a lot of babes. It's incredible. Okay.

D (13:50)

Like, I want to also say Meryl Streep, but. Yeah, mind you.

A (13:53)

Yeah.

D (13:54)

Like, I don't know how old she is, but when you know, you know, you know.

A (13:59)

And that's. I love that. That just means. And you have a great relationship with your grandmother. You like an older, wiser woman. How old is your girlfriend right now?

D (14:06)

We're only, like, three weeks apart, so 23.

A (14:09)

She's 23. All right.

D (14:10)

Yeah. She's fully aware. Like, the older woman is kind of the vibe. Yeah, he's there with me. She's very supportive, so.

A (14:16)

And maybe there's a subconscious thing there where you, of course, have a great relation with your grandmother. You're going there to support her new beginning, her new life. You want to kind of be a fly on the wall, see what the digs are down at the Villages. But maybe you were also kind of exploring the sexuality of an older cow down there. Maybe Glinda next door could have been a hottie with the trust fund. I'm just saying, I'm on your team,

D (14:39)

Paige, you know, and Glenda, she has. She is a gay friend who's like, maybe in her 60s or 70s, but I. Her until a few years ago, when I was already pretty solidified in the world. It is pretty hard to come by the gays in the Villages.

A (14:58)

It's pretty rarely.

D (14:59)

So it's. Yes. I mean, like, there's a. There's probably a community of them. My grandma's unfortunately red, so. Love her, though.

A (15:09)

Yeah.

D (15:10)

So she's not really hanging with the gays. So, you know, I take. I take what I get when I'm there.

A (15:16)

Listen, every. There's no simple way to say it, but everybody has, like, one grandparent that they just completely disagree with politically and, like, probably hates all their life choices that they've made. And you're like, it is what it is. You know, it is what it is. We're doing the best we can. We still love them. Okay. But this is really interesting. So you have your first. First spring break down there. What. What's the wildest thing that ever happened down at the Villages on a spring break?

D (15:43)

I was trying to think. There have been quite a few times where I've really overdone it and, like, called my grandma for help. Like, as I'm throwing up because I feel like something's wrong, but it's just I've consumed way too much wine now.

A (15:57)

Where is the wine being consumed in the community of the villages? Is there like. Like we're doing a happy hour? Is it at line dancing? Where is it?

D (16:05)

It's a little bit of everything. I would say it starts at the golf course, and that could be anywhere from 8am to 3pm Quick question.

A (16:16)

Are the villages all inclusive? Like, once you tee off? Is it. Is it, you know, as much white wine as you can down?

D (16:23)

No. So you can, like, you. It's. Bring your own beverages. There's no, like, Bev girls. There's no like, Bev car girls. There's no like on the course. So it's bring your own.

C (16:32)

Whatever.

D (16:33)

Sorry, the dogs. You're fine.

C (16:36)

Yeah.

A (16:36)

If you were a lesbian without dogs, I'd be upset.

C (16:39)

Yeah, correct.

B (16:39)

We've got.

D (16:40)

We've got two. And they're just happy I'm here.

A (16:42)

Yeah.

D (16:43)

So, yeah, bring your own. And most of the time we'll do like maybe a happy hour before, but actually it's not most of the time. After we do nine holes, we'll go over to the square where we line dance. And that's where most of the wine is consumed, honestly. And that, that is not an all inclusive thing. Like, there is a bar there.

B (17:05)

You pay for everything.

A (17:06)

Okay. Pay to play. I mean, what a great, perfect transition, though, for to be a young woman trying to find yourself. And instead of getting the phone call from the soccer team, like, hey, we're all going to Panama City. You're like, no, I'm going to the Villages with my grandmother, who may or may not approve of any of my life choices, but I want to get drunk on the golf course and then end up at line dancing. That's a beautiful thing.

E (17:28)

Grandma.

D (17:28)

My grandma. Grandma Mooney is the most accepting and loving person, though.

A (17:33)

Yeah.

D (17:33)

I will say, like, I've never had. And, like, she's been probably like the number one person that I can just, like, be open and honest about what's going on with my sexuality. And she's just like, okay, that's chill.

A (17:46)

That's chill. Okay, got it. I think I misread what you were saying earlier. Okay, so she's chill.

D (17:50)

Well, you're. No, I totally see what you're saying, though, because that is a lot of the time, like, when you do have a family member like that. But I've been very blessed to. No matter how red my family is, I'm the black sheep in all senses through Yay.

A (18:03)

It's. But here's the thingy. You're navigating a wild world. You're down in the Villages, and you know what? You're the one who's going to take care of everybody when they get older. So they better be nice to you because one, you're drop dead gorgeous. Two, you got a great head on your shoulders and you're doing the Lord's work. And I gotta be honest with you, I would love to spend a spring break at the Villages with you, line dancing, playing golf. So if you' at me and if Memaw's still there. Let's do it.

D (18:29)

Listen, I was gonna say, I don't think you have any shows coming up this week. Leave. I fly out of Columbus on Friday. I'm there for a week.

A (18:40)

Okay. This is coming up?

D (18:42)

Yes. Like, I leave Friday.

C (18:43)

Okay.

D (18:43)

And then. Yes. So it's coming up. And I also. I wanted to ask. Hit me up in opinion on the Villages. I think it's been wishy washy, maybe. I don't know if that's the word for it.

A (18:57)

So, Robyn. I think she would. She's more of a Naples gal. I think she would thrive at the Ritz in Naples.

C (19:03)

Here's the thing.

A (19:03)

Robin hates old people. So even when I tell Robin, you should join a older community just to, like, party and have fun, Robin does not think she's older. Robin thinks she is 22. And she literally, as I was pushing her into. They're about to, you know, take her into her pre op. Her surgery. They were putting her under anesthesia and she said, nothing better happened to me. And I hate old people. So I. Robin is the biggest bigot towards her own age group. It's unbelievable.

D (19:31)

My message to Robin, though, is that everyone there thinks that they are 22.

A (19:35)

Like, exactly.

E (19:36)

And they.

D (19:37)

They keep lowering the age. So, like, when my grandma first moved there, it was like 50, 56 plus, and I think it's now down to 53.

A (19:45)

Oh, 53. Young.

D (19:48)

When the snowbirds are there, like, so when I go this week, like, everybody will still be there.

B (19:52)

It's.

D (19:53)

It's.

E (19:53)

It's.

D (19:54)

It's genuinely the equivalent of a college spring break, except with old people.

A (19:59)

I love this. Okay, well, listen, it's genuinely insane, and it's so fun. Paige, if you'll have me on the next one, I will plan this accordingly. I think this would be a great thing that we do before the cruise next year. I come and do a village's spring break, and then, you know, we tear it up. If you'll have me, I'm coming.

D (20:17)

Okay. I love it.

A (20:18)

Okay, honey. Thank you so much for calling in. I love you. I mean it. God, she's drop dead gorgeous. I can't get over this.

D (20:23)

Heather.

B (20:24)

Heather.

D (20:24)

It's all from. This is your incredible.

C (20:27)

You're gorgeous.

D (20:28)

I love you so much. You're incredible.

A (20:30)

I love you. Be well. Thank you for coming on, everybody. Paige from the villages.

F (20:35)

Gotta.

A (20:36)

Gotta love her. Thank you, honey. Thanks for being here. Bye. Oh, my God. I can't. She's great. What a fun time, too. What a fun time to spend with the people that you love. I mean, yeah, you got a gorgeous house to stay in, free tea times, the wine's flowing, line dancing activities out the ass. That's why I'm telling everybody to come on the cruise because that's basically what it's like being on the cruise. It's adult spring break. It's the villages on the water. Yes, love getting lost in a great book but can't find the time in between day to day responsibilities and constant distractions. Well, I've teamed up with World of Hyatt to spread the word on their upcoming reading retreats that blend the upscale outdoor escapes with uninterrupted reading time. Created in collaboration with Reese's Book Club and Under Canvas, World of Hyatt's Camp Unwritten invites travelers and book lovers to step into the story with limited time upscale outdoor experiences Join the Reese's Book Club community to be a part of a cozy campfire conversation and curated book experiences in Yosemite or Moab. Throughout the two night glamping stay through World of Hyatt, you will get the chance to connect with bestselling authors, enjoy story inspired programming and outdoor adventures like H and share meaningful moments at Under Canvas, Yosemite and Uloom Moab. Each camp is inspired by a different genre from romance to thriller and is a chance to unplug and connect with book lovers through the stories you love. Romance readers can immerse in upscale safari style accommodations at the newly opened under canvas Yosemite from May 4 through 6. Thriller readers can head to Uloom Moab from June 8th through 10th where the dramatic Red Rock Rocks desert sets the stage for a suspense inspired stay. Again. You can learn more about Camp Unwritten under limited time offers@experiences.hyatt.com whether you're renting or paying a mortgage, one of your biggest monthly expenses should be working harder for you. That's where Built comes in. I love Built. You know I I swear by Built. Built is the membership for where you live that rewards you with points on each every housing payment wherever you live. BILT started out rewarding members on their rent. Now as of 2026, BILT members can also earn points on mortgage payments wherever they live. Every housing payment earns you points that you can use towards flights with top travel partners like United and Hyatt, Lyft rides, Amazon.com purchases and so much more. Personally, I would redeem my points for a fabulous trip back to Italy. I mean I'm talking like a first class seat. We're staying in fabulous hotels that's a no brainer. If I go there this summer. I'm using my built points. But here's what I think is the most underrated part. Built members also get access to a neighborhood concierge. It can make restaurant reservations, book fitness classes, and find new local spots, all while being rewarded at more than 45,000 merchant partners. It's like having a personal assistant baked into wherever you live. It's simple. Being a renter and now owning a home is better with bilt. Join the membership for where you live@joinbuilt.com Absolutely. That's J O I N B I I L T dot com. Absolutely. Make sure to use our URL so they know that we sent you again. I'm going to tell you that one more time. You're going to go to J O I n built B I L T. Join built dot com. Absolutely. All right, who are we bringing in next? All right, next up, let's hear from Kevin. We're going to pull Kevin up to the stage. Kevin. Hi, honey. Welcome to the Absolutely not podcast. How are you?

F (24:14)

I'm good. How you doing?

A (24:15)

I'm great, honey. I'm in Los Angeles, feeling fatter than ever. Where are you calling from?

F (24:20)

I'm in New York City.

A (24:22)

New York City, baby. All right, Kevin. So we're doing the Absolutely Knots from spring break on the podcast. Kid is with your Absolutely Not.

F (24:30)

Oh, my gosh, Heather. Absolutely not. Don't go on a spring break bachelor party trip with only straight men.

A (24:37)

What happened?

F (24:38)

Oh, gosh. So first. First was the destination.

A (24:42)

Oh, God. Clenched. Where are we going?

F (24:44)

Oh, my gosh. Baltimore.

A (24:47)

What?

F (24:47)

Yeah, they're huge Orioles fans and they wanted to go watch baseball games.

A (24:53)

Listen, I'm a baseball fan, but if that's what we're doing for the spring break. And it was a bachelor party.

F (25:00)

Yes. You know, he was getting married.

A (25:02)

No, he's.

F (25:03)

He's a firefighter. So all his, like, straight firefighter guys, they've never met a gay person in their whole life.

A (25:09)

Were they hot at least?

F (25:11)

Yeah. So they had to, like, warn them. Okay. Our buddy Kevin is coming.

A (25:16)

Like, just so you know, hey, don't hate crime him. Okay?

F (25:21)

Right, Exactly. I guess, like, they're from North Carolina, so they use the F word a little fluently.

A (25:27)

Okay, Kevin. All right.

F (25:28)

There was a warning. There was a warning saying, like, you know, be careful around my buddy.

A (25:32)

So when you get this phone call from your friend who's like, hey, we're gonna go to. Drum roll, please. Baltimore is. At any point, are you, like, I could pull out of this. And you're also hanging out with a bunch of people who don't hang out with gay people. Are you, like, there's, to me a lot of red flags that you could have pulled out of the spring break.

F (25:49)

Let me tell you, Heather, I'm a fan of a red flag. I, I like, I like to change people's minds. I like to. You don't know a gay person. Well, wait till you meet me, because I'm a good time.

A (26:01)

See, Kevin, I feel the same way. I feel the same way. I think I can change people. I'm a people pleaser. I'm like, oh, you don't know what you don't know until you hang out with me. And then I usually end the weekend in tears. So I feel you.

F (26:13)

Yeah, it was one of those, like, they fell in love with me by the end of that trip.

A (26:17)

Hell yes. Okay, so what were the, the highlights and the lowlights of the trip when you get to Baltimore? What are the accommodations?

F (26:25)

So we, we actually stayed at like a nice hotel, but I mean, we quadrupled up in those rooms, you know, to save money, obviously. So we got Snore McSnorrison to my left. We got the guy who has his apnea machine to my right. We've got the guy who can't sleep. We've got narcolepsy. I mean, we had everybody kind of guy on this trip. It was insane.

A (26:45)

Was there anybody on the trip that was attractive enough again? Because when I hear a firefighter now, not necessarily North Carolina firefighter, I think hot. Like New York City firefighter is hot. But is there anybody? Maybe even the guy with the CPAP machine. Are you, like, I might be able to turn him on this trip?

F (26:58)

Like, listen, they, they were all decent looking guy, like my guy friend who was getting married, very handsome. Like, you know, they, they're very good looking guys that none of them were like busted enough where I was nervous to be around them. You know, I don't really hang out who aren't, you know, attractive.

A (27:16)

You know, I feel the same way. And I think Trump just said that he likes to hang out with dumb people because it makes him look smart, you know, And I'm the opposite. I don't like to hang out with ugly people to make myself look better. I like to be around good looking people.

F (27:30)

I do. I like to surround myself with hot guys. So this was fine. I mean, looks wise, it was fine. The baseball games were a little too fluent. I think we went to three no

A (27:42)

Wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.

F (27:43)

Three.

A (27:44)

Three baseball games now. Are we going to baseball games and then at least a titty bar afterwards? Are they doing any, any sort of toxic masculine, like, masculine moments? Because I would at least even as a gay guy, you're like, I can enjoy a strip club. Like, it's fun, it's theatrical, it's entertainment. Nothing.

F (28:01)

Yeah, we. Listen, I was the one who suggested we went to the titty bar.

A (28:05)

Yeah, exactly.

F (28:06)

Let's be real here. They were all like, no, we have girlfriends back home. Oh, I'm getting married. I was like, guys, gross. We can't just go to baseball games and go home. Like, where are we going after this?

A (28:17)

Like, are we going to play Pokemon cards back at the Holiday Inn? Like, this is the lamest party I've ever heard of. Now I have performed in Baltimore and I performed at this club across from a strip club. And on the sign it says, we've got five. What is it? We had five hot chicks and one fat one. And I was like, I, I appreciate the transparency of this club. So how was the Baltimore strip club experience?

F (28:44)

It was fine. I mean, of course they loved me because they, you know, the ladies, when I was there, knew that they had no shot. So they were just like, I had one girl motorboat me for. Yeah, a couple minutes.

A (28:54)

A couple.

F (28:55)

I. I was full of glitter all over my face. My. These guys were just, they were peeing their pants. They thought it was so funny because

A (29:02)

you came in, you're non threatening. The girls feel your energy, your aura. I get the same treatment when I'm at a strip club because a lot of girls look at me and they go, did I used to work with you? I don't. I give former stripper energy. And there's nothing better than get that, getting that kind of one on one attention at a titty bar. There's nothing better.

F (29:20)

100 and I might have gotten bought a private dance. And it was just a conversation that I had with Candy. You know what I mean?

A (29:27)

You're sitting with a journey trading like insider stock tips and stuff like that. Yeah, I love that.

F (29:33)

Absolutely. Like, where do you, like, what are you doing after this? Like, are we hanging out? Like, I know they're gonna want to go to bed. Candy, what's going on after this? Yeah.

A (29:40)

So are you in a group chat? Because I don'. Know how guys work. At least the Straits. Are you in a group chat after the trip?

B (29:47)

Like, was.

A (29:47)

Was this. It's such a great bonding experience that we're still Chatting with all these guys leading up to the wedding or we all kind of post wedding gone our separate ways.

F (29:55)

I think this was years ago, but I think we did have a group chat for a while that just kind of died off when everyone started having kids and, like, all that stuff. But I still have a group chat with that friend and his family and, like, all of their wives and everything. It's called Disney Adult because they are Disney adults.

C (30:12)

Oh.

F (30:13)

And every time I see something funny that comes up about Disney or somebody going to Disney, the memes are flowing.

A (30:20)

Yeah. I wonder, is your friend actually gay, too?

F (30:27)

It's funny you ask that because that's. I actually was the. I married him and his wife. I married them. And the very last thing that I said was, was, was. Are you sure?

A (30:39)

Yeah.

F (30:39)

Oh, you sure I'm not the one? Are you. Are you sure you want to do this? Because we've been best friends for so many years that I was like, are we sure that this isn't. No, you don't. Okay. All right. Congrats.

A (30:50)

And was the wedding in Disney? Did they have a Disney themed wedding?

F (30:53)

Thank God. Heather.

A (30:54)

God.

F (30:55)

Oh, my God. It wasn't. It was in North Carolina. It was like a. It was a small wedding, outdoor slash indoors. Like, it was actually super fun. We had a good time, but great.

A (31:05)

I. I love that you. I love that you rolled up your sleeves, you got dirty with the dirty. You went to three baseball games and a. In a. In a topless joint with, you know, a group of straights. And honestly, this is why you were doing the Lord's work. That, to me, that wasn't a spring break. That was a mission trip. What you did was philanthropic. You were trying to bridge the gap between two communities, and you had to watch sports for four days when you could have spent your money, I don't know, going to Vegas, doing something fun. So that is an absolutely not. But it's an absolute yes to what a mat adult you are and. And what you brought to the community. So, Kevin, we're just so grateful that you're still alive after being in Baltimore for four days.

F (31:44)

I truly. I truly don't know how I'm here, but thank you so much for having me on your back.

A (31:49)

Kevin, I love you. Thank you so much for calling in. This was fantastic.

F (31:53)

Love you so much.

A (31:54)

Love you more. Honey. Leave it to the straights. You know who the. It's like Jeff when he. He goes on these bachelor parties. Everybody's going to play golf. Nobody wants to do this.

F (32:02)

This.

A (32:02)

Why are There so many activities, a lot of working out. Yeah. It's truly. Most bachelor trips are the gayest event you will ever go to. Truly the gayest events. Oh, my God. Okay, let's see who we have next queued up. Is this a Katie Lee? Yep. We've got Katie Lee coming up. Katie Lee. And it's spelled C, A, I, T, Y. Katie Lee. I hope she's from Kentucky. Katie Lee. Oh, my God, here we go.

F (32:30)

Stop.

A (32:30)

We got the bride of Jason Aldean on. Okay, I'm dying. I'm just kidding. You're just hot with blonde hair and you have camo on.

C (32:38)

No, because I have a connect with them. Like I say that.

A (32:42)

Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, Katie Lee, where are you calling in from? Can you tell us? You're a little incognito and I love that you said you wanted to be. You wanted to remain anonymous, so you just wore camo and. Are you drinking wine at ten o' clock in the morning? What time is it? Where are you?

C (32:57)

You okay? So I'm actually from la.

A (33:00)

Oh, yeah.

C (33:01)

I live in Nashville.

A (33:03)

Okay, so you are maybe two hours ahead of us. What time is it there?

C (33:07)

Yeah, 1240.

A (33:09)

Okay, good. So we're drinking at 1240. Fantastic. All right, Katie, so what happened on your spring break? What is your spring break? Absolutely not.

C (33:17)

I actually might have met Kevin because I could candy in the storage. Hence the incognito.

A (33:26)

Oh, got it.

C (33:26)

Okay, so this was about 10 years ago. Nine years to be exact. And it was gonna be my best friend's 21st birthday. And it was gonna fall on spring break.

A (33:36)

Yeah.

C (33:36)

So being that we were broke and young, but I wanna do something fun. I was like, how can I kill two birds with one stone? So I googled, because, you know, I'm on the cusp of a millennial and a Gen Z. So I remember growing up watching MTV spring break. So in my head had like, you know, Cabo was. And Laguna beach was the vibe. And I was like, wasn't there something in Florida? Daytona beach, spring break. So I Google it and sure enough, it comes up. I'm like, sick. So I call my girlfriend. I'm like, hey, it's your 21st and it's going to land on spring break. We'll go to Miami and I have a thing I could work to make some money in Daytona. And we'll do Daytona spring break with all the college kids. She's like, all right, we're in. So. So we're planning this trip. Mind you, I'm 20, not 21. So I had to steal. I used to make fake IDs back in the day. Did you hand it better?

A (34:27)

Did you have the machine? Because the fake IDs I would get. I'm pretty sure somebody stole a machine from the dmv. Allegedly.

C (34:35)

No, that is. That is the thing. Let me backtrack before I really incriminate myself. I didn't make them. I secondhand sold them on someone from China.

A (34:46)

Great, so you were just the middleman.

C (34:48)

Yes, yes.

A (34:49)

You can't fault a middleman because you're driver. You're the driver. You're the driver. You allegedly. Come on, you're not guilty. All right, continue. I rest my case.

C (34:59)

Okay, so anyway, we're plotting all the things and so.

A (35:03)

Okay, well, don't say plotting. We're plotting. Okay, now it does make you seem like a criminal. Continue.

C (35:08)

We're planning the plans of this break. And I get my cousin, I get. I get two IDs, both a best friend who's a little bit older, and my cousin.

F (35:18)

Cousin.

C (35:18)

My cousin was pregnant at the time and her and I look very similar, but she's like, I'm naturally a redhead. She's blonde. Okay, whatever. I'm like, hi, I got the IDs, since we have the IDs and we need some extra cash. There was amateur night at a strip club down in San Diego that I saw on Instagram was doing a thousand dollar giveaway if you won. So I'm like, let's get some money before we go to. To Miami. So my girlfriend and I sign up for amateur night. Mind you, I truly knew nothing about the dancing culture, so I like that.

A (35:52)

Dancing culture. Yeah.

C (35:54)

Yes. I didn't realize that you show up and dress in said outfit once you show up in the locker rooms. So we're four locos deep. Like two four locos deep. We stop at the Walmart to get some pantyhose. I had my like sheer long sleeve body suit. Nothing on underneath.

A (36:13)

Mesh on. Mesh, huh?

C (36:15)

Yeah.

A (36:15)

Yes.

C (36:15)

Yes, that's exactly it. A peacoat to cover up.

A (36:19)

And who even owns a peacoat in San Diego? No one has ever purchased a peacoat in San Diego. But. So you've got nothing on your tits out. Mesh top, pantyhose.

C (36:30)

Just the bodysuit. Yeah, just the bodysuit. Yeah.

A (36:32)

Sexy. Okay, so.

C (36:34)

And it's actually raining, so we really

A (36:36)

looked the part on the streets as

C (36:38)

we were street walking over, you know, pun intended.

A (36:41)

What kind of shoe wear? I need to know about the footwear.

C (36:43)

My prom. My prom shields, of course.

A (36:45)

Cuz who doesn't love a charlotte russe pump? Yeah. Okay, great. I think what it was.

C (36:50)

Okay, so anyway, we roll up and immediately are sent to the back to talk to the owner and. Or the manager. And I think he basically knew, like, this. This is amateur hour. And so he kind of started questioning us. And I thought he was questioning my ID Because I was using my cousin's id so now I've registered my pregnant cousin as the said, by the way. Okay, okay. And mind you, she's had, like, maybe four Mike's hards in her whole life. So this is, like. She references this story as, like, her living. So he is like, what are you guys doing here? Da, da, da. And we're telling him we want the money, Obviously, it's why we're here. And so then he's like, okay. So long story short, few things I learned. One, we go on stage. You have to use a hand. The sanitizer bottle. Didn't know it was sanitizer in there until after the fact. So when I go on stage, I get the bottle. I'm cleaning said pool, and I thought, I'll flirt with the crowd. So I get the bottle and spray it at the judges that are sitting front row. No chlorine, right in the eye.

A (37:50)

The guy falls back.

C (37:52)

Everyone's like, oh, okay. I. The music immediately hit. So I'm like, okay, it's showtime.

A (37:57)

So we're assaulting the judges, and you've already just told the guy who owns the club, I'm came to get that money. All right, I love that you came to get the bag. It's not like I want to show you my art. You said, I came to get the bag. Now you're shooting people in the face with chlorine and disinfectant. Now can I ask what was. Now are you in your friend? Are you guys on the stage together? Is this an act?

C (38:20)

Okay?

A (38:20)

This is not a duo.

C (38:21)

All right? They literally saved the best for last. And that's when I realized amateur night is actually the auditioning night for dancers.

A (38:27)

Yeah.

C (38:28)

So I did not know that. So everyone there is professionals, and I'm witnessing it sidestage.

A (38:37)

So I'm like, okay.

C (38:38)

Mind you, my song is Bands will make her Dance. And I think another party song, huh? So I'm on all fours.

A (38:45)

Yeah, that's one.

C (38:45)

Does hot walking, pulsing. Doing this. And. Yeah. And at one point, I'm just kind of like, hit it from the side. Like. Like, I'm just DJing, like, hyping the crowd up.

A (38:55)

If you Will, No, I'm. You're like fist pumping in the corner. The four. The 10th four loco is now hitting. You're farting on stage. You're not even actually trying to do the splits. You're just like everybody having a good time at this bar mitzvah. Like, you forget that you're actually in a strip club. Club. Okay.

C (39:12)

Yes, but I am trying. I think I did attempt the splits.

A (39:15)

Good for you.

C (39:15)

Yeah, yeah. So then, you know, also didn't realize that mid strip performance, it's 45 seconds per song and you have to do two songs and you take your second article clothing on being. I have the bodysuit. There is no other article of clothing. Like, it's just two buttons and it's.

D (39:33)

It.

C (39:33)

That's all we got.

A (39:33)

Got it.

C (39:34)

So I am now bent over, long sleeve bodysuit, if you will, trying to sexy shimmy best I can. The bodysuit out.

A (39:44)

Wow.

C (39:45)

Slap it on the ground. And I think I milked what 10 seconds I had left to I don't even know what. Like I said blackout.

A (39:53)

And I got her at this point, completely naked.

C (39:56)

Yes.

A (39:56)

So she's live stripping.

C (39:58)

Well, time out. Time out in California. Also learned you legally have to have a barrier between you if there's alcohol being served there.

F (40:07)

So.

C (40:07)

So you have. We had to go buy in the back some pantyhose and then you cut them into like a thong.

A (40:12)

Got it.

C (40:13)

So I did have that.

A (40:14)

Okay, got. We had one thin strip of cheesecloth covering our lady bits. Fantastic.

C (40:22)

So I got third place. My girlfriend got second.

A (40:27)

How bad were the other dancers?

C (40:29)

No, I honest to God think it was the crowd's approval.

A (40:34)

Yeah, yeah.

D (40:35)

And.

C (40:35)

And it was like a pity vote. But at this point, they knew these young girls clearly are not actually. However, I don't know if they wanted us in the industry because we got job offers on our way.

A (40:45)

Oh, now, how much. How much prize money were you awarded for second and third place? Was it enough to get to Daytona spring break?

C (40:53)

We had already booked the flights and. But I think it was five. I think combined we had over five because I think I made maybe $20 on stage. My girlfriend made at least a couple hundred, though she could date.

A (41:05)

And where is she now? Did she pursue a career in exotic dancing? She's married.

C (41:09)

She's married. Yeah.

A (41:10)

Great.

C (41:11)

So we took the money and mind you, we were so broke that for the Daytona trip we were staying on couchsurfing.com but that's how I was looking for our place to stay in Daytona.

A (41:22)

Okay. So I just Want to say that that is absolutely how you end up on an episode of the first 48 and the most. How old are you?

C (41:30)

I turned 30 yesterday.

A (41:32)

Okay, you turned 30. Happy birthday. Welcome to the dark side. But that is really, truly wild. Like nowadays, when I see this younger generation of women and how I think safe they are, they, they understand stranger danger are. I mean, I'm, I'm only nine years older than you, but none of us understood what stranger danger was. Truly. I hate to sound, you know, cliche over here, but if I have children and they do, a third of what I did as like you going on couchsurfing.com. you know what's one place I don't want to sit on anyone's couch? Dayton of Florida. Much less do I want to be couch surfing MTV spring break in Daytona. And. And what? How bad were the couches?

C (42:09)

Okay, so we only stayed at this one, guys, because on our way there we had a female Uber driver that I think her woman's intuition was like, I'm telling her, could you tell your deepest secrets to your Uber driver? So I literally also didn't realize that from Daytona to whatever, Orlando I think is where I flew into, it was like a two hour Uber. And so we just had an hour to tell her. And I was like, yeah, this is what we're doing. She was so bothered that she the house with us. But on the way there, the guy messaged me. Of course it was a guy too, messaged me and is like, hey, actually the address I sent you isn't the right address. No, no, just wait. We don't like to advertise because we don't want people to use us. My friend is the DJ at Razzles, which if you've ever been to Daytona, Razzles within itself is another story. And I'm like, okay, we pull up, it's like a glass white house, white leather couches, strobe lights playing house music. And they said no one was home. And we pulled up, we could shoot two shadows of girls upstairs walking across. So the Uber driver went in the house with us and we did a full walk through. It was like, I have the Snapchat memories that haunt me every year that like, I'm like, this is it. This was it.

A (43:23)

And you slept on that couch.

C (43:25)

They had a room. And those girls and us ended up befriending each other. And that night we got there, we circled back when we made it back home and they said they thought that they actually might have had their water messed with. At the house, they had water bottles. They ended up sleeping with us. And I travel with the Taser. How TSA misses that? I don't know. That's another. I'm prepared.

A (43:46)

So you get to this house, there's other women there. It is the home, the private home of the DJ at Razzlers. And you end up sleeping with the Taser. And they think that this is. This is horrible. Okay, continue.

C (44:03)

So they went to fsu. So they had a car.

A (44:05)

Of course. Yeah.

C (44:06)

So at 4 in the morning, we pile in her Corolla, whatever it was.

A (44:11)

It's always a Corolla. It's always a Corolla.

C (44:14)

And we. Who would have thought that our saving grace. I used to work for, like, Monster Energy, so I did a lot of action sports stuff. So I was there for a supercross race.

A (44:22)

Okay, now wait, hold on. You had a job this whole time working for Mom. Monster Energy, but we still. I am so perplexed by how you use your money and who your financial advisor is.

C (44:34)

Hey, I bought a house. I just pick and choose what I do.

A (44:37)

Hell yeah, girl. I like that. I like that.

B (44:39)

So.

A (44:39)

So you're in the Corolla.

C (44:40)

Yeah.

B (44:41)

Okay.

C (44:41)

About to be home stretch free. I'm like, I have another out for us ladies. These girls we've just met that, like, you know, aren't well. And I'm like, there's a boy that rides that has an extra bed at the Holiday Inn. He goes to FSU sometimes. Like, sometimes. I mean, he did graduate from there, but I was like, he's on Spring Break 2, but he's going to be riding in the race. He said, hell yeah to four girls.

A (45:02)

Uhhuh.

C (45:03)

Let's go to the Holiday Inn.

A (45:04)

Oh, yeah.

C (45:05)

So Holiday End, which now I could never. But at the time, the saving grace and the craziest thing. Happy hour special was free drinks. I've never in my life heard that.

A (45:16)

Holiday Inn.

C (45:18)

Yes.

A (45:18)

Oh, my goodness. Not on the beach. Not Waterside.

C (45:23)

Yes.

A (45:23)

Okay.

C (45:24)

They had us out there with the Starbucks little foursome things. And because all of the bikers were there, the traffic was horrendous. By the time we got an Uber to leave the hotel for the first time, I couldn't count to 12. We literally have a video of it. I had drinks on the way out.

A (45:39)

Yeah.

C (45:40)

Our Uber driver had a toupee.

A (45:42)

I had videos.

C (45:43)

I sent my mom. I'm taking his toupee off.

E (45:45)

Off.

C (45:45)

Because I'm brushing my hand. I was like, this hair of yours and it falls off. Oh, yeah. Okay.

A (45:51)

So one question. Do you still work for Monster? And two, did you end up. You didn't come home from Daytona with like a baby or anything or. You're still. Okay, good.

C (46:01)

Befriended a lot of bikers and at one point we did almost get kidnapped and one of the bikers saved us.

A (46:06)

And that's the thing, you know, I love, I love a safety Hell's angel moment where they like protect, protect. They protect women and children. So I'm glad that the bikers were there for, I think they call it Hell Week in Daytona.

C (46:18)

Yeah.

A (46:19)

Wow. And. And so you are. You're alive and well now. And how many years ago Was this? What? 10 years? 9 years?

C (46:27)

So I was gonna go back this year because I haven't been back since. But yeah, I did the math and I realized since I wasn't 21, it will be next because it's two weeks before my birthday. Next year will be the 10 year.

A (46:37)

Yeah.

C (46:38)

And I've already told all of my friends I will be back.

A (46:41)

And that's what I love. I love that you have learned a lesson of safety. But you know what? Even when you put yourself in dangerous situations, you were still a problem solver. And that's what I love. You were able to get the girls in the Corolla to the safety of the Holiday Inn that had a gorgeous happy hour. And also it was on the ocean. And that's when you. When you hit spring break. All you want is a gorgeous accommodation on the ocean. And I am so happy that you're alive and well and we're so glad that you're still with us because at every twist and turn of this story, I did think you were gonna get human traffic. So thank you so much for pulling your shit together and, and saving your friends on this trip.

C (47:19)

Thank you. Yeah, I try to, you know, trust the woman's intuition. I usually. I push the envelope.

A (47:25)

I was gonna say, I don't know if you have it, but at least you're surrounded by smart women who definitely have that intuition. And you keep the party going. And we appreciate you being here. Thank you so much for calling in. I love you. I mean it. And keep drinking. My God, she's getting drunk at one o' clock in the afternoon. Good for you. It's a water. Okay. It's a water with a doily. A fuzzy doily that looks like a ballerina tutu around the. The stem of the glass. I love you so much. Thank you for being here. This is great. I mean, how any of us ended up not dying on spring break, we will never know. I mean, it was, it was non stop partying on 30A in Panama City down on the coast. That's just what you did. I mean, we were getting kicked out of Club La Vila at the foam party. And those were the days. When you think about also like the shit that we would get into without having the technology that we have now. We didn't have, I mean, no, we didn't have Instagram or any of that. We were in college. We were just raw dogging, you know, BlackBerry messenger. You were doing that BBM ping. I love to just feel smooth under my clothes that I'm wearing. Okay. And when I'm on stage, specifically performing, I hate the thought that like I've got to keep adjusting my outfit because I don't feel like I have the right undergarments on. This is why I love Honey Love. Honey Love has, has the best of the best for everything. And one of the things I really love is how comfortable and supportive their bras are for all shapes and all sizes of boobs. They're supportive if you have small boobies, if you've got big boobies, so you don't have to constantly keep adjusting it and moving it around. I always wear my Honey Love bras when I'm traveling because I feel supported, I feel put together, but I also feel like if I needed to sleep on an airplane, I could. And they're just the freaking best. Honey Love is also an independent female founded brand and all Honey Love products are intelligently designed by women who actually wear them, including their founder, Bestie, who is highly involved in the development of each product. And you can tell when a product is created by a woman because you know that they've lived in it, they've run around, they've chased their kids in it, they've schlepped suitcases up eight flights of stairs, they've gone to work in it. That's how you know that Honey Love is made by women. Their bras are super supportive and I love the wire free options. Thanks to bonding technology that lifts without underwire. There is nothing worse than getting on a flight and wearing a tight underwear bra and you're like, get this thing off me. Their shapewear is also amazing. It's designed to move with you so you can say goodbye to those pesky shape shapewear that rolls down as soon as you hit the dance floor. I'm telling you, you're gonna love Honey Love. Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear out on the market. And our exclusive link to save 20 off@honeylove.com. absolutely. That's honeylove.com. absolutely. And after you check out, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Experience the new standard and comfort and support with Honey Love. Love. All right, who's coming in next? So next up, we're going to bring up Shannon. Oh, yeah. Hey, Shannon, how are you? Where are you calling in from?

B (50:13)

Well, I'm in Kennesaw, Georgia, outside Atlanta.

A (50:16)

Oh, my God. Girl, you're not far from me, just on the other side of the mountain. How are you, honey?

B (50:21)

I'm good.

E (50:22)

How are you?

A (50:22)

I'm doing great, thanks. This is such a. This has been so much fun for me today. So I, I appreciate you guys being patient in the waiting room. So, Shannon, tell me, what is your spring break? Absolutely not.

B (50:33)

Well, taking a page out of the thing you were just saying about not no technology. We literally had no technology. So this is. I'm Gen X.

A (50:41)

Okay. Oh, yeah, Gen. And what, what are the parameters of Gen X? Like the age?

B (50:47)

I think it's like, if you're born between like early 70s to maybe 1980 7980.

E (50:53)

Got it.

A (50:54)

Okay, great.

B (50:54)

I think. Okay, I know I'm totally Gen X, but. So this is Panama City beach. Yeah, yeah, 1998.

A (51:03)

I'm getting so excited for this. All right.

B (51:06)

I'm from Kentucky. And so we drove all night overnight. We left like Friday night, probably like 11 midnight. Drove through the night through Alabama.

F (51:16)

Yeah.

A (51:17)

And the scary parts of Alabama, that's what people don't realize. To get down to Panama City, you're going through such bumble small towns in Alabama that truly, like, if you break down, good luck to you.

B (51:28)

This was before the road expansions. This is before the four lanes.

A (51:31)

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

B (51:32)

You were going through the downtown. Like we were 8am downtown, Montgomery, Alabama. Sitting at a stoplight.

A (51:39)

Yeah, it's sketchy. One of the scariest. Truly, a get out moment. Okay, so you make it down to Panama City after you've been driving through the night. You're running on nothing but a hope and a prayer. And maybe a sugar free Red Bull.

B (51:51)

No, no Red Bull back then either.

A (51:52)

Okay.

B (51:53)

Mountain Dew.

A (51:53)

Mountain Dew. Oh, dude. And there is nothing sketchier than a bunch of spring break hussies drinking Mountain Dew in Panama City, Florida. Okay, continue.

B (52:03)

And this, there was no online anything, so you literally had to physically check in. So we arrived at the Holiday Inn Sunscree Resort, Panama City.

A (52:14)

Great.

B (52:14)

And, you know, we're in the lobby and there's. There's just thousands of college kids.

C (52:18)

Yes.

B (52:19)

And we're checking in, and all of a sudden we get noticed by, like, three or four dudes, and they're like, ladies, we are a film crew. We were. I think it was Girls Gone Wild.

A (52:32)

Yep. Oh, my God. I just got. I got a chill. No, no. Okay, continue.

B (52:38)

So dumb. Like, we oftentimes as Gen Xers just say, thank God there was no smartphones. There was no like. Like, you know, reality TV or anything like that. You know, because all the dumb things we did, there's no recordings of it. Right.

A (52:53)

Thank God.

B (52:53)

Me and my friends almost really messed up in regards to that. They were like, we're looking for a group of girls to follow around for the week with our film crew.

A (53:04)

And you're thinking, this is going to be a PBS documentary about how sophisticated we are and, you know, our. How well traveled we are as young women coming down from Kentucky. Kentucky. Now, for those of y' all who are listening to this podcast and you don't know what Girls Gone Wild was, it was a group of predators who would chase women on the beach. And then basically, you would end up making out with your friends, showing your tits, doing provocative things while you were under the influence.

B (53:30)

And I. I don't know, buses and went city to city. I remember them being outside one of the bars back in Lexington one night trying to get. Yeah, yeah.

A (53:38)

It was like. It was the early days stages of, like, porn and kind of like only fans. It was like, can I get you to come on this? Know if people signed a waiver and, like, do something that you're definitely going to regret later on in life.

B (53:50)

Right? And yeah, there was. I remember there's commercials all the time on MTV, like, advertising the DVDs.

A (53:56)

Oh, yeah. If you. You went to any guy's frat room at a frat house, you went to the Sigma Kai House at University in Kentucky. They all had the DVDs of. You know, I almost said, girls got to eat. Girls Gone Wild. Yeah. Okay.

B (54:09)

So we were like, all right. You know, they. They went into the room with us as we were unpacking, and they were like, here's what we're going to do. We want to follow you guys checking in and. And we're like, sure, okay, cool. You know, we're unpack. We brought, like, six cases of beer. We're loading, like, the fridge in the room full of, like, Bud Lights, and they're filming us, and it's it's all fine. I only remember them really following us during the day. But the crazy thing was they were around for probably three or four days. And I don't remember anything coming. Recollection, right?

A (54:39)

Memories.

B (54:40)

It's nothing Was like, recorded. Like, it is 24. Seven now, but long. About Wednesday, Tuesday or Wednesday morning, about 11 o', clock, they come in the room, they're ready to get started again. And they're like, ladies, they're like, we. We got to get some housekeeping out of the way. We need you to all sign a release.

A (54:58)

Okay?

B (54:58)

We never signed a release they didn't get from the get go. No one had assigned anything. And then all. I think everything just started. It just all kind of. It was like a moment of clarity for a moment. And we all looked at each other and we were like, no.

A (55:11)

Good for you. Finally you wised up in that moment. Now, they had not filmed anything provocative at that moment that you can remember.

B (55:20)

I don't remember any of us doing anything. No. Nothing stands out as awful. I mean, there's blurry moments like us

A (55:28)

doing some shit, smoking a little joint on the beach or something, you know, dancing at the club. But nothing outrageous or agreed.

B (55:36)

I don't remember them going out with us at night either. Like, I know, you know, being from Kentucky, I know that first weekend we went out and watched the. I think it's Sharkies or Harpoon Harry's or something. But they didn't go out with us. I think they just followed us at the hotel.

A (55:50)

But see, this is grooming, where they're like, okay, y' all seem like the good ones. They probably got a gentle energy from y', all. And they're like, we're gonna. We're gonna wait till later on in the week, and then we'll really start trying to hound you to turn it up a notch. Okay?

C (56:03)

Okay.

B (56:04)

Possibly so. But they never got us to sign a release. So when they did, we. We all just said unequivocally, we were like, absolutely not.

A (56:10)

You realize this saved you, the fact that you had, like, one person in the group whose, like, third uncle was an attorney. And they just kind of clicked, like, we're not signing our lives away for this. Wow, you really, truly dodged a bullet. You dodged a bullet. You dodged a girl's gone wild bullet. And I think, you know, in our. Our, because I'm 39, but I remember, like, you know, Girls Gone Wild kind of fizzled out by the time I was going to spring break. But I rem dad pulling me aside One day and being like, if anybody comes up to you with the camera, do not do it. And every year I go to Marty Gr during college, my mom would call me and be like, you're on the five o' clock news with your tits out. And I'm like, no, I'm not Mom. And my dad be like, she's testing you. You were so lucky. Now, did you ever. You didn't get on Facebook till after college, right?

B (56:57)

Like, way after, I think, like 2008.

A (57:00)

Yeah. All right, so you truly are. You're the safe generation. You're the generation whose online fucking footprint is not going to completely destroy their lives later on down the road.

B (57:11)

We had like, star. I remember I had a Star TAC cell phone. I don't even know if I took it with me. That was like that first Motorola flip that had pulled the antenna out. Like, we didn't even call anybody. Like, we were like. We were like modern day explorers, like,

A (57:24)

taking off and be like, talk to you in a week.

B (57:28)

Listen. We got Magellan paint phone and called our moms when we first got there to be like, we made it it.

A (57:33)

Yeah, you were Magellan. You were an explorer, just absolutely charting on new territory, living your best life. And here you are thinking this wonderful, wholesome camera crew just wants to document us exploring new places and being the travel girlies that we are. Little did you know you almost ended up in a porno. And I am so happy. And you had a guardian angel looking over you so that you had that moment of clarity. 30. Thank God you're with us today. We're so happy to see you.

B (58:02)

Thank you. Glad to be here. Absolutely.

A (58:04)

Yeah.

B (58:04)

Like, my son last week was in New Orleans and I'm watching him on my phone, like, yeah. So how is. Do you like drinks at that place?

A (58:11)

Are you guys good?

D (58:11)

Are you.

A (58:12)

Yeah. You see him? He's at the piano bar at Patos. And you're like, oh, I've seen. I saw that you were there for seven and a half hours. Can you. Do you know how to get back to your hotel? I was telling the. The girls earlier. Like, I've been on Life360 with my mom and I can see her going to Trader Joe's and she's going five minutes over the speed limit, limit or five miles, and I'm. I'm screaming at her. So we. We really lived wild lives. And that's probably why we're so anal and paranoid towards the people that we take care of now.

B (58:39)

Absolutely. Because we know what we did.

A (58:40)

We Know what we did back?

B (58:42)

Yeah. The chickens always come back to root.

A (58:44)

Amen. Honey, I'll tell you what right now. I know what you did last summer. I know what you did down in Panama City Beach. Thank you so much for being here. That was incredible.

B (58:52)

I mean, thank you, Heather.

A (58:53)

Oh, honey, I love you. Absolutely not. Not to ending up at In. Oh, dude. If Girls Gone Wild was truly the wild, that was such a specific, poignant time in. In all of our adolescence. So I'm just so glad you're okay. Thank God, Shannon. Thank God. That's a great. Absolutely not. All right, now we're going to bring in our last but not least. Always save the best for last. One of my favorite people on the planet, y'.

C (59:21)

All.

A (59:21)

You know when people come up to me and they're like, oh, I'm your biggest fan? I'm like, no, you're not. You're not. Violet. So all I need you to know know is Violet is one of the best people I've ever met. She's so wonderful. And, Violet, I need you to know that I. I used all the little treats that you gave me.

E (59:34)

Yay.

A (59:34)

All the treats. On the way to. To Japan. Violet, just so y' all know, is an incredible flight attendant. She flies for spirit, so she is as much of a world traveler as all of us. Now, Violet, you have a background, a backdrop of a Greyhound bus overlooking the skyline, I guess, of New York City. I can't really tell.

E (59:50)

It's actually Den. Denver.

A (59:52)

Okay, great.

E (59:52)

And I'll tell you why. So. So my absolutely not is taking it back to 2007. So almost 20 years ago. Yeah, the details are a little blurry, but I was texting with my college girlfriends the other day, and we're just dying laughing at this story, so we decided to change it up. Instead of going to the beach, you know, we used to always go to South Padre island or Florida. We were like, let's go to Breckenridge, Colorado instead. But, you know, I guess flights were super expensive. There was no budget airline where poor college kids. So why not take the Greyhound bus? I'm pretty sure it was probably my idea. We had no idea what the Greyhound bus. You know, we were just. We just knew that it was super cheap, and we figured, nobody's gonna be on this bus, right? It's gonna be empty. There's nobody that's gonna be going from DFW all the way to Colorado. So it's gonna be like our own personal charter bus. So we're like, yeah, we're gonna slap the bag on the bus, you know.

C (60:47)

Yeah.

E (60:48)

We were wrong. So we had no idea that that. So first of all, some of us almost didn't make it on because they also oversell their tickets.

A (60:55)

Oh.

E (60:56)

But then we also didn't realize that they pick up people like at every major city along the way.

A (61:04)

Yeah.

E (61:05)

So the bus is already full. Full.

A (61:07)

Okay.

E (61:08)

Like we didn't sit together for probably the first four to six hours.

A (61:12)

Wait, how long is the, the, the whole journey supposed to be?

E (61:17)

Like, if I drove in my car from here to there, I think it's like 13 hours, maybe 15, 16 hours, I think. But it was like 24 hours almost.

C (61:26)

Because it makes so.

A (61:28)

Violet, you don't even have that long off for spring break. You're taking an Oregon trail ride on these scariest mode of transportation to Breckenridge. Okay.

D (61:39)

Literally.

E (61:39)

Yeah. And so. And we're all like super cute, like dolled up in our juicy and like our pink velour or like, you know, sweats.

C (61:47)

Yeah.

E (61:47)

No, we were absolutely terrified. I can't believe none of our parents like stopped us like at all. My parents were like, what are y' all doing? But I guess they wanted to teach us the lesson. Only one girl begged her dad and she was flown there. But the rest of us, we already had this trip planned. You know, we bought our, our hotel, our ski stuff. So we went and it was absolutely terrifying. And no, no shade, no hate to those who, you know, have to take this type of transportation, but it is not the type of place.

A (62:16)

Yeah.

E (62:17)

For sorority girls, you know, to be traveling for 20 something hours. You know, my friend Lily was actually saying that she remembered sitting next to a guy who with super dirty fingernails, rolling a blunt next to her.

A (62:29)

Yeah.

E (62:30)

And then there was a, a larger person of size rubbing deodorant literally all over, like from head to toe. So there's a lot of people that are mentally unstable on these buses too.

A (62:41)

You know, they oftentimes when you, you leave a psychiatric facility, they'll just one way ticket on a Greyhound. And if they're trying to get like, you know, unhoused people out of a neighborhood, they will give you a one way ticket on a Greyhound to anywhere. And shout out to the Greyhound community, you know, we are grateful that the Greyhounds are still up and running. I mean, they're clearly doing something. Well, the fact that Greyhound is still a thriving transportation business. But definitely, I would say, Violet, you did not do enough research going into this. That one, you were basically take it took you four Days to get there and come back. Come back. Did you get back on the Greyhound to then come back from the ski trip?

B (63:17)

We did.

F (63:18)

No.

A (63:19)

No, Violet. No.

E (63:21)

We didn't have any money. And so, like, we literally couldn't do anything else but that. And to make it worse, I don't even. I think we had to take a. Like another. Some kind of bus from Denver to Breckenridge, obviously, because none of us could run a car. So. One thing I remember looking back at old Facebook album pictures like we used to do do. One of them was like six hours delayed in Denver. So we were delayed at the Denver bus station for six hours.

A (63:47)

No.

E (63:47)

Or we could take that 20 something hour journey home. Yeah, it was okay.

A (63:53)

So also, what are the accommodations on a Greyhound bus? What's the bathroom situation?

E (63:59)

I don't even remember. None of us used it because we were terrified, so we would just wait until we got to a stop. But with that, you know, you don't want to haul everything off, but you also, you're scared to leave anything on the bus because it might get stolen. Which. One of my girlfriends actually thought somebody stole her bag. She was bawling, crying, saying somebody stole her bag. But, I mean, we had to stop at these hole in the wall gas stations to get a snack and a semi clean bathroom. But I think they all have one bathroom. But it's like a porter potty on a bus, basically.

A (64:30)

And so you're probably running shifts of security, right? So you're like. They're like, violet, you stay on the bus. The three of us are going to go pee or like, stranger date, like, grab a buddy, a safety buddy. You're like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna keep an eye on all of our Juicy Couture sweatsuits. And then you run inside and get us some Cheetos and Fritos. Okay. But this is literally. This is what's great about women. Doesn't matter where you put us. We will always find our safety net. I mean, even some of the other people who've called in, we've all put ourselves in like, horrifically dangerous situations, but it's still a sense of community. Like, I've got you, you've got me. I'm gonna make sure we don't die on this Greyhound. At any point, were you worried because this is. Was it the same driver or did we switch off drivers? Because I would be concerned about somebody driving me like 18 hours straight to Denver.

E (65:10)

I'm pretty sure it was the exact same driver and bu. Probably like an 85 year old man, you know, just. Just driving us off a little bit off the cliff almost. But oh yeah, we made it to tell the story. I don't know how. I mean, what a wild idea I get.

C (65:27)

I.

A (65:27)

Trust me. I mean, we, we all lived that life in college of like pinching pennies together to go do something. But I love that you were still going to a place. Breckenridge, 20 years ago. High end skiing's expensive. It wasn't like you were just heading to the sleep on the beach. You were still going to do a very classy spring break experience. But we got there in the most horrific way possible.

D (65:49)

Oh yeah.

E (65:50)

And I mean, looking back to it, pictures, we're laughing because we had never been to Breckenridge. You know, it's a super mountain town at night. Everybody's in their ski clothes. Yeah, not us. We're literally in the snow, walking in stilettos and skinny jeans. No big coat, like. No, I just can't believe that. And also, you know, no Ubers. We have a picture and we're all, you know, huddled up in this car and there's actually a baby in a car seat and a random woman, apparently. Like, we hitchhiked to get a ride from point A to point B and this sweet Hispanic family picked us up with their kid in tow and gave us a ride so that we didn't have to ruin our stilettos in the snow.

A (66:29)

There is nothing better than, than the community that wraps around, wraps her angelic arms around just a bunch of college girls in their Jessica Simpson wedges. There's just such a. Oh my God, again, talk about guardian angels. I think that's the theme of most of these stories today, is there was someone watching over y'. All. And I just love that, you know, you're in the ski town and here you guys are in your BB dresses acting like, you know, you're going to the nightclub, you're going to One Oak. And it's like, no, we're in a ski town. Everyone here is doing mushrooms rooms and blacking out and then skis all day. And you just thought we were going to be, you know, apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur.

E (67:11)

Yeah, it was, it was so much fun, though. And you know, everybody knew we weren't

A (67:14)

from town because imagine that. Imagine that, Violet.

D (67:20)

Oh, yeah.

E (67:21)

But, you know, I wouldn't take it back.

A (67:24)

Do you think that this, this adventure on the Greyhound going to Breckenridge, do you think it sparked your sense of adventure to then want to Be a flight attendant. Attendant.

E (67:33)

No, because I have not taken a bus ever since. But that is a whole other. You know, like I said, I could not do that ever again in my life. You know, maybe if it was like an hour bus ride, you know, from the airport to whatever. But I don't even, I. I don't know what we were doing on that bus. You know, There was no TVs, there was no charging stations. No.

A (67:54)

And there was no, there was no entertainment. It's not like back then you had an iPad that you were like, oh, let's download Gilmore Girls and we have something to watch while the guy next to us jerks off there. No sense of relief. I am curious because I know you did bring the Franzia to play slap the bag onto the bus and at any point when you were like white knuckling and you're like, we're gonna die, did you think like let's just open the bag and pass it around the bus and see if anybody wants to play along. Was there ever a sense of camaraderie amongst the other folks on this bus because you all thought you were gonna die?

E (68:24)

No, because we knew that if we did that, we for sure would be catching something.

A (68:28)

Yeah.

E (68:29)

You know, I know it's spring break, people catch stuff. But we didn't to do it before you get there.

A (68:33)

You know, Listen, you said it. You said it the best. It's spring break, people catch stuff. Violet, I am so grateful that you are alive and well. I'm glad that you made the six and a half week trip to Bre and Ridge and back so you could be here. And Violet, I know your ass is going to be on the next cruise. I.

E (68:50)

Of course I've got my cruise T shirt on.

A (68:52)

Yeah. Hell yeah. She's my girl. Listen, I. Violet, I love you so much. And I'm so grateful for everybody else who called in. This is just been such a fun, adventurous day. Violet, I love you. And safe travels to your next destination, y'.

F (69:03)

All.

A (69:03)

If you're ever on a Spirit Airlines flight and you see one of the most stunning, gorgeous brunettes you've ever seen in your life and her husband looks just like mine. I mean, I'm telling you, he is a beauty. That is. That is sweet, Violet. So give her a tiramisu, bitch, because she is the freaking best. Guys, thank you so much to everybody who's in the waiting room. I love you. This was such. Oh my God. The memories, the feelings were. What a frickin fun, fantastic way to reminisce about spring break. And, you know, one of the reasons why I wanted to do this episode is I wanted to reminisce so that we could get excited for this next cruise. And I know it's a year away, and I had this wonderful girl DM me. And she said, heather, I didn't sign up for the last cruise, but I'm signing up for this cruise because we may not even make it to the sailing date. Like we may. The world may end before that. But she said, I need something to look forward to. And I said, said, michelle, that is the spirit. And I know we all feel that way. We got to put things on the calendar. No matter how crazy our personal lives get, work life gets, just life in general. You know, the world is still spinning, and we need to have a dart on the calendar, something pinpointed that we can look forward to. And I want you to know, the straights can come, the gays can come, the girlies can come, the lesbians. I want everybody there. It truly is. I know you think, oh, it's just going to be, you know, the gays and girls, but no, bring your husbands, Bring your single brothers. You got a good cousin who's got a good heart, and he's looking for a wife. Bring him on the cruise. We will have entertainment for everyone. It's going to be so much fun. And all of my best friends from growing up are coming on this one. These dumb bitches. And I'm taking them to the Turks and Caicos in a couple weeks. These dumb bitches were like, we didn't know how if that the first one was going to go, hey, Heather. So we were going to wait it out. These are the girls that I went on spring break with that I held their hair back while we were puking outside of a Corolla while the cops were whizzing by us looking for our asses. These are the girls that I went to the depths of hell in the shadiest part of Atlanta to get them fake IDs. Okay? They owe me. They owe me to come support on the Absolutely not cruise. Because there's a lot of absolutely knots that we expect experienced together growing up. And I'm so, so, so thrilled to have truly the best people. I told my sister, I'm like, ashley, you got to come on this cruise. And maybe she does something where she's, you know, maybe she. She could do, like, alleged attorney advice, or maybe we're going to do like a Judge Judy situation where we do, like, family court on the cruise, we've really been think tanking and brainstorming some super, super creative ideas of things that we can do do on the cruise. And it's just great. And obviously always a big shout out to Christina who's done a phenomenal job and working her. Tina with the wiener is working her dick off. But we have a lot of surprises up our sleeves too. So we. We can't tell you everything. So when you see the lineup start to roll out, just know there's going to be. We're going to continuously add on and on and on and it's just going to be such a. Oh my God. Just such a full experience on board. So get excited again. Again. Pre sale. Sign up for it now. All you got to do is go to heather.com and all the instructions should be there. Trust me, they will hold your hand. I already see the comments in the Heather911 group where some new folks are starting to trickle in and inquire about how this whole rigor moral works and they're getting anxious. This is what I also love about this community and particularly women. One lady's like, how much did this actually really cost? Sure enough, in the Heather911 group, there's 65 women sending Excel spreadsheets of the breakdown to the. The dime of how much they spent. And that is just. That's what I love y'. All. Y' all will be so wound up and so out of your minds to then come and relax on the ship. It is truly the best. And I know we're a year out and it is. I got a year to really plan and make this the best trip ever. So if you trust me, you trusted me today with your spring break stories. Hopefully you will trust me with your spring break next year on the Absolutely not cruise. In the meantime, we still have some tickets on Sal for my upcoming shows. I'm hitting Patchog, Long Island, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Nashville. I'm. I'm playing the Ryman Theater for the Nashville Comedy Festival. Please get your tickets at Heather on tour dot com. That is one of my favorite venues on the entire planet. And that's one. Usually we. We sell out immediately. So I have no idea what's. Maybe it's spring break then. Well, we're close. Oh, we're close.

C (73:29)

Okay.

A (73:29)

So we only have a few tickets left for that. So come get your tickets. And then of course, I am so thrilled to be shooting my special in Knox Knoxville at the Bijou Theater at the end of May. We're wrapping up this tour. We're shooting the special and then I will be back in the fall with all new dates, all new material. You know, we're wheeling and dealing. We never stop, and that's what we love to do. Thank you guys for trusting me with your spring break stories. And as always, I love you. I mean it. I'll see you on the next episode. Life360@baby. Ciao bella. A River Naircy. Bye. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to subscribe, rate us and leave a review. And as always, follow me on Instagram at heatherkmcmahon. See you guys soon. Sam.