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Foreign.
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Hi, welcome to the Abundant Practice Podcast. I'm Alison from Abundance Practice Building. I have a nearly diagnosable obsession with helping therapists build sustainable, joy filled private practices. Just like I've done for tens of thousands of therapists across the world. I'm excited to help you too. If you want to fill your practice with ideal clients, we have loads of free resources and paid support. Go to abundance practice building.com Links all right, onto the show. So I've talked about therapy notes on here for years. I could talk about the features and the benefits in my sleep. But there are a couple things I want you to know about therapy notes that doesn't typically make it into an ad script. First is that they actually care if you like their platform. They don't only make themselves available on the phone to troubleshoot so you don't pull your hair out when you get stuck. They also take member suggestions and implement those that there's client demand for. Like Therapy Search, an included listing service that helps clients find you internal and external secure messaging, clinical outcome measures to keep an eye on how your clients are progressing. A super smooth, super bill process, real time eligibility to check on your client's insurance. In my conversations with the employees there at all levels, they all really believe in their product and they want you to love it too. Second, they are proudly independently owned. Why should you care about that? Because as soon as venture capital becomes involved, the focus shifts from making customers happy to making investors happy. Prices go way up. Innovation plateaus. Making more money with as little output as possible becomes the number one focus. With over 100,000 therapists using their platform, they've been able to stay incredibly successful and they don't have to sacrifice your experience to stay there. You can try two months free@therapynotes.com with the coupon code Abundant.
A
Hi.
B
Hi Valentina. How are you doing?
A
I'm good. How are you doing?
B
I'm doing well. Yeah. What would be most helpful today?
A
Absolutely. I know you're used to this. It's going to be niche. I want to really figure that out. And then from there I just want to kind of ask about a little bit of like how to market with that, whether or not I should make my demographic more specific and if we have time, a little bit of transitioning off insurance.
B
Yeah, sounds great. Awesome. Lay it on me. Niche wise, where are you at with it?
A
Yes, I completed the course, the know your niche course. And where I'm at right now is helping motivated 20 to 30 year olds break free from unhealthy Patterns in family, work, or other relationships and therefore feel seen and heard.
B
Okay. Do they know they're in a pattern before they come and see you?
A
They know something's wrong, they feel stuck, and they don't like it.
B
Got it. And they're like, I keep doing this or I keep feeling this way. This keeps coming around.
A
Yes. For example, with, like, the family stuff, it's the same old pattern. Why do I keep letting them bait me? Or why do I keep, you know, getting into these family squabbles? I just want to break free from this. I'm tired.
B
Got it. Is the pattern. Is it consistent from family to work to whatever other context?
A
It can be. Some of the clients that I'm thinking of with this, it's because of trauma and whether or not they know that. So then that's how I usually find out. It starts with work and it goes to family or vice versa.
B
Okay.
A
If that makes sense.
B
Yeah, Yeah. I think, like, I want to get more specific with the type of pattern because they'll be like, yeah, like, I keep coming around. But I think if you're like, if you keep getting baited, if you feel like your family baited you, work is baiting you. That's going to land for them differently than just, like, patterns. So is there a favorite kind of pattern that is caused by trauma that they might not realize is caused by trauma that you really love working with?
A
I'm going to pull it up right now. I had my favorite clients kind of, you know, when I was doing the work. So the niche dive. The niche dive worksheet. Right. Okay. So that's when I started noticing it was the same thing that kept coming up. It's usually female. It doesn't have to be, but it's usually a female who's, like, the oldest or presents that way, and she's saying, I feel trapped. I don't want to stay here. I have stress anxiety issues with my family or my partner. We talk about boundary crossing sometimes with these. Or wanting to break away from a prescribed family role. Like, well, you're the oldest daughter, so you're going to keep doing what oldest daughters do. Am I getting a little warmer or am I still.
B
Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm thinking about the boundaries where the boundary setting is probably like, is she getting run over by her family of origin? Run over by any family she has now? Run over by work expectations?
A
Yeah.
B
Okay. How would she describe herself in these contexts? Like, she does for everybody else and nobody does for her. Like, how would she Describe it. Okay.
A
And she feels unheard of. The other commonality was not feeling heard, not feeling validated, wanting to be free and independent from this prescribed role and having boundaries all over the place because of that.
B
Yeah. And the boundaries all over the place. So are there times when her boundaries are too rigid?
A
Oh, too rigid. Maybe. I have one client. I'm thinking that it kind of was. But the other ones are like, I have to show up. I have to drop what I'm doing, go pick up my nephew. Although I told them I have plans. Yeah, that's where it was a little more porous, so it could be okay.
B
But your ideal client, your typical client for this niche is like, no, no, I got it. Don't worry.
A
Yeah.
B
And probably when she's feeling worse is when she's being asked to show up in two places at once and feels like she has to, but can't split herself in two.
A
Yeah.
B
So she also has these poor boundaries with work. She's probably like, yeah, sure, I'll take on that committee. Sure, I'll do X, Y or Z. Like, yeah, being voluntold or volunteering to do more than she should, that kind of thing.
A
And then she snapped. That's the other thing I noticed. She snaps. That's when they're like, you have an attitude. Work or family, because of this piling up.
B
Yeah.
A
All of them snap.
B
Okay. This feels much clearer to me.
A
Okay, good.
B
So let's. Let's think of your niche then. And feel free to like, keep tweaking this or tell me no.
A
Okay.
B
Your niches. You could even say, like, eldest daughter types.
A
Okay.
B
The women who get things done, everyone relies on them. They put themselves last and they over give in their families and at work until they snap.
A
Okay.
B
And then they start the whole thing over again.
A
Yes. Okay, that's perfect. And it's ironic because that is me. I'm always talking, so why not? We're talking about me.
B
Yeah.
A
Okay. In terms of, like, whether to narrow it down, I. I've been listening to you forever. Obviously. Like, you know, and I know that sometimes you want us to be more specific, especially as we start to market and website, but I don't. I'm like, afraid that if I go too much, too specific, I exclude someone. I'm like, I can still do this. Like, I can still work. And I feel like this shows up regardless of, like, let's say, a specific culture or things like that. So I don't know if I would want to. But then I also hear why you say it's a good idea to be specific. So what are your thoughts?
B
Yeah, I mean, I think when you say eldest daughter type, it kind of does that with some leeway. Right. Because you're not just speaking to eldest daughters. You're also talking to those second or third daughters who took that role on, or the only children who were kind of all of it or, you know, so I feel like. And at this point, I think when somebody says, like, you know, eldest daughter type, everybody knows who you mean. Right. They're the go getters. They're the givers. They're the ones who are going to make sure everybody's taken care of. So I don't think you need to narrow it down by race or culture or anything like that necessarily, because I think this, you know, goes through all of them.
A
Okay.
B
It's going to like, you've got the age range that you can communicate with the photos on your website.
A
Okay.
B
I don't think you need to say 20s to 30s. You can just have pictures of women in their 20s or 30s.
A
Okay, that's a good point. Thank you.
B
Yeah.
A
Okay. And then there's a part of me. There's a part of me that wonders, okay, I specialize in trauma work. Where's trauma in this? Am I leaving it in the dust?
B
How many women have you met in your life who show up like this, don't have trauma?
A
Not many.
B
Yeah, same. Okay, so I think you're still gonna get that trauma piece that you want to work with.
A
Yeah.
B
And at the very least, you'll have a lot of small T trauma. Because all humans have small T trauma.
A
Exactly.
B
But you're still going to get that because we show up this way for a reason.
A
Exactly. Okay, good. That's what I just wanted to quiet that part of me that was like, wait, are you leaving this? Okay. You're so awesome. I knew you were going to be awesome.
B
Thank you.
A
Oh, my goodness. I feel really good. I feel really energized about this. And I will be working on the marketing piece of this next in the course. So I just want to at least have this figured out.
B
Yeah.
A
Before I get, like, crazy messy. Is it okay to ask you about the transitioning thing?
B
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
A
So, yeah.
B
Right now you're taking insurance and you want to get off. Okay. And is your practice full as it is right now?
A
For the most part, like, I'm averaging. Especially now the summer's over, everybody's coming back, it's getting very constricted. So I'm seeing all the people in my slots. So it's probably somewhere around like 15ish, but it doesn't feel like 15 because it's. I'm underpaid. So I'm also still like, gosh, you know, should I do more? Should I see more people? And I physically can't do it. I have a sick dad. So, yeah, I'm like just trying to transition things so then I can hopefully start moving away from it for next year. That's my plan.
B
Okay. And savings wise, do you have enough savings that making that shift is going to be okay, or is it going to be pretty treacherous?
A
I have over 5k saved. Okay. And then I'm constantly building that I have it saved in case taxes go crazy or in case something goes crazy. But that's where I'm at with it.
B
Okay. Okay. Are all these people on the same insurance or do you take a few different insurance?
A
I use those companies you talk about.
B
Okay.
A
I don't know if I'm allowed to name them, but you know the ones that will do it for you.
B
Yeah, totally. Okay. And so those are a great means to an end sometimes, you know, like, I talk about them a lot, but no shade to anybody who's using them because they need to use them right now. So. Okay. I'm thinking about how those usually have like 30 days. You can get off of those within 30 days, most of them. And so for you, it's going to be maybe a tiered approach. So looking at which insurance each of them takes or you're taking through each of these, and which insurance companies are paying best and which ones do you have the most clients from and kind of making a plan for. What order are you going to get off these insurance companies in? Because you don't have to get off all of them at once. And I wouldn't advise it in weird 2025 because it's just been weird with referrals for most people.
A
Okay.
B
And I would want you to have more than 5k. I'd want you to have at least three months of savings.
A
Okay.
B
So that you're not stressed. You've already got enough stress taking care of your dad, you know, and that's the priority. So finding this balance of I love that you're saving and like continuing to throw anything you can into savings to give you that cushion for when it's time, knowing that some of your clients are going to come with you, it's going to be fine. Some of them are not. And you can't always predict. That's the thing. That is like, so stymying is like, so many of my students are like, I think I know exactly who's going to stay and who's going to go. And they're always wrong. So.
A
Yeah.
B
And they usually overestimate the people that will go. So that's good.
A
Okay.
B
So coming up with a plan, getting really clear financially, like, how many people, let's say you get off the first insurance, and now you've got a few people who are private pay, and if a bunch of people who are still on insurance, like, how many private pay people do you need to maintain where you're at right now financially so that you can build up to that private pay before you get off the last insurance that you're on?
A
That makes sense. I think that's what I was kind of figuring before I could fully launch off of it.
B
Yeah. And during that time, you're building your marketing. So your marketing is the thing that's getting these private pay people in. It's helping you feel like it's doable. Like, okay, there's consistency. It takes some time to build that consistency and getting clear on what of the marketing strategies you're using over time, which of those are working. That also helps a lot.
A
Exactly. Okay. I like this. This feels less crazy because as you're saying, I can't take a big risk, but I also know that I'm like, slowly dying if I don't start moving away from it. So I will make that plan. So kind of seeing who' how many people are on whatever insurance, how much it pays, and just trying to, like, kind of calculate it based on that. Okay.
B
But I wouldn't make any moves on getting off anything until, like, your marketing is in place. You know what you're doing. You can risk getting off one insurance probably before getting private pay clients. You might be able to risk that, but I wouldn't get off more than one until you're bringing in. Until you've got some private pay clients to help.
A
Okay.
B
And we can do some math too.
A
Okay.
B
What is on average, what are you getting paid per session right now?
A
If I average out, like, the highest and the lowest, I'm gonna say it's probably like 70. Oof.
B
That's a gut punch.
A
I don't know if I did it right, but, like, the lowest is like 62. The highest is like 95. Okay, maybe not 70. Let me move it up a little bit. Let's say 80.
B
Okay.
A
Still, I don't know if that makes sense. Yeah, I know it's not Great. I know it's not great.
B
Yeah. What's your private pay rate?
A
150.
B
Okay. So you're making almost double that with one private pay client. So the good news is to maintain your current lifestyle. If you're seeing 15 now, like you can see 8 and be where you need to be. So if you lose people, but you've got these private pay people, you're still good.
A
Yeah.
B
What is your zip code where you are?
A
Sure. It's 33027. That's where my physical office is in South Florida.
B
Okay. And so the median household income there is $73,450. That's more than where I live. Okay. And so 150, you're super solid. You're going to be totally fine with that.
A
Okay. Okay.
B
You could do more, but I think right now while you're like, you're wanting to get your bearings, I think 150 is reasonable to charge starting out. Okay, thank you.
A
Okay, that sounds good.
B
So it's interesting because in the last year or so, my advice to people who are making the shift is very much. It's much more gradual than it used to be where it's like, just get off it and you'll be fine. But it's just a different market now. And so doing this kind of stepways motion allows you to have a lot more stability.
A
Exactly that. That's kind of what I need. That's the name of the game. So definitely wanting to be stable, but also knowing I have a momentum so then I can still be fresh in this work. Yeah, that's been a concern. Okay. Okay. And then like you said, getting my marketing in place. So I know that it's like the website thing, which I started that module, you know, I think I'm not a big DIYer, but I'm trying to find a healthy, you know, balance between doing it myself, but also not making a total mess. Yeah. So that's kind of what I'm wondering about. And then from that you talk about networking a lot. I don't have a problem networking. I think my thought would be like, kind of where. Because I remember you said, like, don't go to like therapist stuff because usually they're full and you know, or, or what was it like?
B
Yeah, you want the full therapist because they can do their overflow, but the other people who are just starting out, like you're not going to be able to give you referrals, even though it's kind of nice to talk to somebody in the same boat, you know, yeah.
A
That'S what it was. I flipped it. Okay, so going. Finding the full therapist, whoever they are.
B
Yeah, the full therapists who work with the same kind of population. Right.
A
Okay.
B
This population. So you've got a very specific niche and it also describes a lot of people.
A
Okay.
B
It's not just eldest daughters, as we discussed. Like, there are so many people who struggle with over giving, being resentful about it and then over giving again. And so it's like a nice specific niche, but it's in the way that you describe it. But it's also broad in that there are lots of people for whom it would be helpful. So it's kind of the best of both in that way.
A
Okay, good.
B
So I would think about like, who do these women go to when they're like, I gotta get some help. It might be that they're in couples therapy because this pattern and the pattern that their partner has are clashing. In which case couples therapists are great. It might be they're going to their PCP or their OBGYN to talk about. I think I need to get on antidepressants. I just can't do all this. I mean, you're your ideal client, right? So thinking about, like, where do you go? If you're googling, then you need to get on SEO. If you're, if you're somebody who would find your person on social media, then considering social media, if it interests you.
A
Okay. Social media makes me a little nervous. Like I'd like to think I could do it like you and some of the other therapists. Influencers. I see. But I'm not. If you can't tell, I'm not exactly the most, like, I don't know, like I'm a little quieter. So that's something I've been just kind of wondering. Like I'd love to be able to do it, but I don't know how I would show up as. As that person.
B
Yeah. Well, if you're doing video, you just bring like 10% more energy than you usually have. I have to be like 10% more. It's like the camera adds 10 pounds and takes away 10% of your energy, that kind of thing. And so if you're wanting to do it, the video section in the marketing fundamentals course will help you. But you also don't have to do social media. It is one of the more time consuming marketing strategies and given your current responsibilities, it might not be the best avenue.
A
Okay.
B
It's one of those things you have to really like or you get Sick of it really fast. So.
A
Okay. But I like what you said about the pcp, you know, and things like that. I can see them saying, like, I feel so stressed out. I don't know why. What do I do? Especially if they're, you know, from a background, that therapy is not the first thing that comes out of people's mouth. They might go to a doctor or they might go to some other trusted person that they think could help. So I'm kind of. My brain is going as. You were saying that. And the couples therapy, that was pretty cool.
B
Yeah.
A
I have a couple of friends. I might throw around my new niche.
B
Totally, totally. And see what they say, because you're going to be private pay. Thinking about, like, concierge doctors.
A
Okay.
B
These days, concierge doctors aren't like, the super fancy ones that make house calls at your mansion. They're the folks that, instead of taking insurance, you just pay a monthly fee and you can go as much or as little as you need to.
A
Oh, cool.
B
So like concierge docs and naturopaths or functional medicine doctors, like, these folks don't typically take insurance, and so they have your clientele, essentially. So that could be a good option. And also talking to them about fatigue, because I'm guessing your ideal client is like. I don't know if I'm low on, like, iron or something, but, yeah, the exhausted woman panel is what I usually refer to it as.
A
Yeah.
B
And so if they're showing up at their doctor trying to get an antidepressant or trying to get some blood work done to, like, find the problem. The problem is how they're doing life. Then it's an easier referral for the doc to be like, yeah, like, we can totally do this panel. But, like, it sounds like you're taking on a lot of. And there's this therapist that I refer my clients to who this is. Her specialty is women who take on so much and get exhausted from it. So we can work on the medical side, and you can be working on setting boundaries, that kind of thing.
A
Absolutely. I'm getting really excited. I'm thinking even community stuff, community outreach with some of the local hospital systems down here, and maybe that could be where they come to get a free blood draw and then they stop by my table. So I'm getting, like, really inspired just from this conversation. Yeah.
B
And I mean, when you think about medical professionals, like, across the spectrum, like, these are people who are wired to give and to help. And so lots of your ideal clients in, like, all the medical professions.
A
That's true. So maybe even the doctors themselves. They're probably oldest daughters who did what they were supposed to do. Oh, I like this. I like this. Oh, my goodness. This is so good. This is so good. I don't even know what else to ask you because you have got me so excited to, like, get started on this and continue the marketing and figuring out the social media. Like, like you said, if it's time consuming, that's a little challenging for me, but just kind of like, seeing what. What might be helpful.
B
Yeah.
A
Oh, man. This is good stuff.
B
Good. I'm so glad.
A
I'm so glad I got to talk to you and meet you. You've been a inspiration, and I really appreciate everything you do.
B
Yay. Thank you. I appreciate that a lot.
A
Thank you so much. I think I'm kind of done. Unless there's something you want to tell me.
B
No, I think you're like, you're on your way. I think it's going to be great.
A
Thank you so much.
B
For sure. Let me know how it's going in the Facebook group.
A
I will, I will. Thank you. Have a great rest of your day. You too. Bye. Thank you. Bye.
B
If you're ready for a much easier practice, TherapyNotes is the way to go. Go to therapynotes.com and use the promo code abundant for two months. Free. If you're listening, you probably need some support building your practice. If you're a super newbie, grab our free checklist using the link in the show notes. I'd love for you to follow rate and review, but I really want you to share this episode with a therapist friend. Let's help all our colleagues build what they want.
Host: Allison Puryear
Episode: #702 – Eldest Daughter Therapy
Date: November 5, 2025
This episode focuses on finding and clarifying a niche in private practice, specifically centering on the "eldest daughter" experience—women who habitually take on responsibility at work and in their families, often to the detriment of their own well-being. Allison coaches guest Valentina through narrowing her target demographic, refining her marketing message, and strategizing her transition from insurance-based practice to private pay, all while balancing the realities of personal life and burnout.
“All of them snap.” – Valentina (06:32)
“The women who get things done, everyone relies on them. They put themselves last and they overgive in their families and at work until they snap.”
– Allison, summarizing the niche (06:48)
“I love that you’re saving and continuing to throw anything you can into savings to give you that cushion... Some of your clients are going to come with you. Some of them are not. And you can’t always predict.”
– Allison (12:11)
“Think about, like, who do these women go to when they’re like, I gotta get some help? It might be that they’re in couples therapy... Or going to their PCP or their OBGYN to talk about: I just can’t do all this."
– Allison (18:08)
“It’s one of those things you have to really like, or you get sick of it really fast."
– Allison, on social media marketing (19:42)
“Oh, my goodness. This is so good. This is so good. I don’t even know what else to ask you because you have got me so excited...”
– Valentina (22:10)
This episode of the Abundant Practice Podcast is an engaging, practical session on clarifying your private practice niche and how to carve a sustainable, client-aligned, and financially rewarding path away from the insurance hamster wheel. Allison and Valentina’s discussion is warm, encouraging, full of concrete examples, memorable quotes, and honest insights—making it a must-listen (or read!) for therapists seeking to thrive while helping their ideal clients.