Episode #756: Why You Feel Guilty Charging Private Pay (Even When You Know Your Worth)

Summary

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Abundant Practice Podcast

Episode #756: Why You Feel Guilty Charging Private Pay (Even When You Know Your Worth)
Host: Allison Puryear
Guest: Rebecca Smith
Date: May 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Allison Puryear and guest Rebecca Smith address a common struggle among therapists transitioning to private practice: the guilt and discomfort that can arise when charging higher private pay rates, even when therapists “know their worth.” The discussion dives into why these feelings surface, why they aren’t necessarily rational, and how to navigate the mindset shift necessary to thrive in private practice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Listener’s Question ([00:48]-[01:36])

• A therapist writes in, sharing discomfort after quoting a $325 private pay rate to a potential client and feeling guilty about it.
  • The therapist notices an urge to compromise (“do therapy every other week”) to convince the client.
  • They struggle with believing people would pay this fee, especially in a tough economy, despite “knowing their worth.”
  • The core question: How can I manage uncomfortable feelings and thoughts about charging a high rate?

Recognizing the Context: Economic Realities & Mindset ([01:36]-[03:52])

• Allison identifies that the therapist is in a high cost-of-living area, where many people spend as much or more on less important things.
  • “All around him, I can guarantee, are people spending far more than that on many other kinds of services.” ([02:45], Allison)
• Rebecca points out how people may prioritize “weird products that we don’t need” over therapy services. ([02:48])
• The panel highlights the disconnect between “knowing” and “feeling” your worth—your intellect might get it, but your emotions lag behind.

Socioeconomic Bubbles & Self-Limiting Beliefs ([03:00]-[04:06])

• Allison observes that therapists tend to compare their fees to what their own peers or past selves (from grad school/agency work) could pay. This narrows their perception of who “can afford it.”
  • “If you are charging a fee as a therapist that you couldn’t currently afford ... it starts to feel like, well, yeah, all your friends ... couldn’t afford it ... Maybe the people who live in your neighborhood can’t afford it. ... It starts to be like, oh, this is like a pipe dream.” ([03:17]-[03:51], Allison)
• Rebecca adds, humorously: “There are two people in this world who could possibly afford this, and I don’t know any of them.” ([03:52], Rebecca)

You're Not Your Ideal Client ([04:06]-[05:07])

• Rebecca shares her own experience charging premium fees in Louisiana, acknowledging that she herself wouldn’t pay her rate, but also “I am not my ideal client.”
  • “I do not have the pain that my ideal client has. And if I did, I might pay my fee. I might, for that alleviation and that help.” ([04:16]-[04:30], Rebecca)
• The key insight: You only need a handful of clients who value your work enough to pay your rate—a tiny subset of the population.

It's About Client Choice, Not Yours ([05:07]-[06:44])

• Allison stresses that affording therapy “isn’t always comfortable” for clients—sometimes they sacrifice other spending, sometimes not.
  • “I’m not going to get hair extensions; I’m going to pay for therapy.” ([05:19], Allison)
  • “My kid’s not going to go to summer camp this year because ... it’s a better move as a parent for me to handle this.” ([05:27], Allison)
• Rebecca highlights: making these financial decisions for clients is not the therapist’s responsibility, and doing so can even be codependent.
  • “It’s never the therapist's choice. It's the client's … There’s something really lovely about recognizing that doing that fake work for them—or they have to do it—is helping them." ([05:40]-[06:34], Rebecca)

The Therapist’s Job: Make the Offer ([06:34]-[06:44])

• Allison summarizes: “Your job is to put it out there. It’s an offer. And yeah, it will work for people or it won't. And that’s up to them because it’s their choice, not yours.” ([06:34], Allison)

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Memorable Quotes

• “All around him, I can guarantee, are people spending far more than that on many other kinds of services.”
  — Allison Puryear ([02:45])

• “There are two people in this world who could possibly afford this, and I don’t know any of them.”
  — Rebecca Smith ([03:52])

• “I also don’t need my services. I am not my ideal client … If I did, I might pay my fee. I might, for that alleviation and that help.”
  — Rebecca Smith ([04:16]-[04:30])

• “It’s never the therapist’s choice. It’s the client's … There’s something really lovely about recognizing that doing that fake work for them … is helping them. … Sometimes not very nice assumptions about the person who’s coming in and totally willing to work with you for your fee.”
  — Rebecca Smith ([05:40]-[06:34])

• “Your job is to put it out there. It’s an offer. And yeah, it will work for people or it won’t. And that’s up to them because it’s their choice, not yours.”
  — Allison Puryear ([06:34])

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [00:48] Listener’s Question: Therapist struggles with guilt quoting $325 rate
• [01:36] Context: High cost-of-living, people spend on other services
• [03:00] Socioeconomic Bubbles: Limiting beliefs from own circle
• [04:06] Not Your Ideal Client: Mindset shift for high-fee setting
• [05:07] Client Prioritization: Sacrifices and choices are theirs
• [06:34] Role Clarification: "Your job is to put it out there."

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Resources & Takeaways

• Setting Your Fees Worksheet: Available in show notes; guides you beyond local comparisons and Psychology Today rates.
• Key Takeaway: Feeling guilty or awkward is common, but not necessarily accurate—your worth, your clients’ choices, and the value of your services stand on their own.

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For Listeners

If you’re struggling with setting or stating your private pay rate, remember:

• It’s not your job to decide what’s affordable for your clients.
• You are offering transformation, not just a commodity—clients will prioritize what matters to them.
• Step out of your personal socioeconomic bubble: your ideal client is out there!

For more guidance, grab the free worksheet and explore the Abundance Party for step-by-step support as mentioned by Allison.

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Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Welcome to Ask Abundance. Y' all ask the questions about having a fun and thriving practice. We answer them. We have a worksheet for you today so you can bring this answer into your life. If you want support in your practice, we have you covered with on demand or one on one support. Links for the worksheet and support are in the show. Notes can't get enough Ask Abundance. Check out our YouTube channel for the entire library. Welcome back to Ask Allison. Today I'm joined by Rebecca Smith. Rebecca is a limitless practice grad who came aboard Team Abundance. She has a premium fee private pay practice in New Orleans and is great at helping Abundance therapists imagine what's possible for them. She is going to tell us today's question.

[B]

Yes I am. Okay, the first one says that today's question says I was recently on a screening call with my first potential private pay client and shared my rate 325 and felt some guilt about offering this rate. I noticed that I was telling the client that they can do therapy every other week to hopefully sway them to choose me as their therapist. I think some of the guilt arises from still not fully believing that there are people out there that could pay the rate as well as the current economy being tough for a lot of people. I believe in my worth and would preach it to others. So I was surprised to see these feelings and thoughts pop up for me before and during the call. How do I manage some of these uncomfortable feelings and thoughts that may arise? This is very new territory for me.

[A]

Yes. So good. Okay, before we answer this question, I want to thank our sponsored therapynotes. I've talked about them for years, know their features by heart, but what truly sets them apart is that they genuinely care about your experience. It's not just about troubleshooting. They actively implement user suggested features like Therapy search, secure messaging, clinical outcome tracking and their AI notes feature. Therapy fuel Everyone at TherapyNotes believes in the product and wants you to love it too. Plus, they're independently owned, which means no venture capital, no pressure to prioritize investors over customers. This independence allows them to keep their prices fair, to focus on innovation, and to prioritize customer experience. With over 100,000 therapists already on board, they've proven that you don't have to compromise success for quality. If you're ready to see for yourself, try TherapyNotes free for two months with code [e-mail] Ah, so what's interesting is I know who sent this question in. He lives in a very high cost of living area like the highest in the nation. And so all around him, I can guarantee, are people spending far more than that on many other kinds of services.

[B]

Yeah. And like, weird products that we don't need.

[A]

Right, right. Or magical cures that will get rid of your.

[B]

Less. Less effective and worth it than.

[A]

Exactly, exactly. And so this sounds like one of those things where, like, he knows intellectually, but, like, his heart hasn't really caught up that there's this fear. And I think, too, another big thing that comes to play in this thought process of, like, I don't know who can afford this or I don't know people who could afford this is that we tend to hang out with the people in the same socioeconomic group that we're in. And if you are charging a fee as a therapist that you couldn't currently afford because you're not full yet with that fee, then it starts to feel like, well, yeah, all your friends back in agency couldn't afford it. When you were in grad school, those folks couldn't afford it. Maybe the people who live in your neighborhood can't afford it. Maybe they can, but it starts to be like, oh, this is like a pipe dream.

[B]

And, yeah, there are two people in this world who could possibly afford this, and I don't know any of them.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Rebecca, you have a high fee, maybe the highest or one of the highest in your whole state.

[B]

Definitely up there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm in Louisiana, so being able to charge my rate in Louisiana is amazing. And I think that at the same time, I definitely had that question, particularly with, like, I wouldn't pay my fee. And I. And that really got me. Right. Does that mean that it shouldn't be my fee? And I think that some. There's a couple of things here. One of them is that I also don't need my services. I am not my ideal client. I do not have the pain that my ideal client has. And if I did, I might pay my fee. I might. For that alleviation and that help. And two, imagine, like, there's so many people in the world and your services are so worth it. You only need a handful who can pay your fee. And I think that that's really, really huge, too. They are out there. They might be your neighbor. You just aren't aware that you need.

[A]

Right. Because it's. When people can afford it, it's not always comfortable. Right. There's. There's. Sometimes it is for people, but there's also like, I'm prioritizing this over something else, and sometimes it's something seemingly frivolous, like, I'm not going to get hair extensions. I'm going to pay for therapy.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And sometimes it's something like, my kid's not going to go to summer camp this year because I'm. It's a better move as a parent for me to handle this. That's coming up.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Sometimes it's a hard choice, sometimes it's not.

[B]

Absolutely. And I. And I also think that's the funny thing is, is like, sometimes it's a hard choice and sometimes it's not. But it's never therapist choice. It's the client's. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. It's you. It is not up to you. It's up to the client. And I think that there's something really lovely about recognizing that doing that fake work for them or they have to do it is helping them. It's in a complexity kind of thing. It's a little bit codependent. You are making assumptions, and sometimes not very nice assumptions about the person who's coming in and totally willing to work with you for your fee. So no matter what, even if you have done these mental gymnastics to imagine this potential client who could do it, those are still not your mental gymnastics. You're. You're not doing the right thing.

[A]

Yes. Your job is to put it out there. It's an offer. And yeah, it will work for people or it won't. And that's up to them because it's their choice, not yours.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Yeah. Amazing. We have a free worksheet for folks. It is the setting your fees worksheet and it is going to guide you to. Actually, my very favorite resource for figuring out what you should charge. Hint. It's not what the people around you are charging. It's not what you see on Psych today. It is. It has nothing to do with any of that. So.

[B]

So, yeah.

[A]

Amazing. Well, we will catch up with you next time and thanks for joining us on Ask Allison. Thanks, Rebecca.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Bye. If you're ready for a much easier practice, TherapyNotes is the way to go. Go to therapynotes.com and use the promo code abundant for two months free. I hope that helped. Please get in touch with any of your questions for Ask Abundance. If you're listening, you probably need some support building your practice. If you're a super newbie, grab our free checklist using the link in the show notes. I'd love for you to follow rate and review, but I really want you to share this episode with a therapist friend. Let's help all our colleagues build what they want.