Podcast Summary

Achieve Your Goals with Hal Elrod
Episode 624: How to Be More Charismatic and Have Great Conversations with Vanessa Van Edwards
Date: February 11, 2026
Guest: Vanessa Van Edwards (Behavioral scientist, author of Captivate and Cues, founder of Science of People)
Host: Hal Elrod

Episode Overview

In this episode, Hal Elrod sits down with Vanessa Van Edwards to demystify the science of charisma and effective communication. Vanessa explains how charisma isn’t an innate gift but a skill—a deliberate blend of warmth and competence—that anyone can cultivate to make powerful first impressions and build authentic connections. She provides science-backed cues and actionable tips for being more charismatic, including practical advice for conversations at work, at home, and in meetings.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Vanessa’s Morning Routine and the Foundation of Intentionality

• (02:38–08:13) Vanessa shares her intentional morning routine, which includes cuddles with her kids, gratitude practices while preparing matcha, getting sun exposure, and jumping on a trampoline.
• She emphasizes anchoring gratitude to rituals—such as during “red lights” when driving.
• Vanessa and Hal discuss the value of gifting “miracle mornings” to family, not just focusing on self-care but shared bonding rituals.
  • Quote:
    “I think if we can also think about other and how we could gift a miracle morning to someone else by bringing them into it with us. It also gives us oxytocin. Like that also gives us the chemical bonding, which is where I think miracle morning and science people meet in a beautiful crescendo.” — Vanessa (07:41)

2. Vanessa’s “Recovering Awkward” Story

• (11:44–14:39) Vanessa details growing up socially anxious, how physical symptoms (like hives) reinforced awkwardness, and how these self-reinforcing “loops” affect body language and confidence.
• Quote:
  “Awkwardness is one of them. So if you feel awkward before you even walk into the room, that shuts down your voice. Like, your voice changes when you feel awkward and afraid. It shuts down your body language. [...] So we have all these loops and I'm a recovering awkward person now I'm in recovery.” — Vanessa (12:16)
• Emphasizes: Confidence is not absence of awkwardness; it’s acknowledging awkwardness and proceeding anyway.

3. The Science of Charisma: Warmth & Competence

• (15:17–20:33) Princeton research shows charisma is a blend of:
  • Warmth: Trust, likability, friendliness.
  • Competence: Reliability, effectiveness.
• 82% of people’s impression is based on warmth and competence cues.
• Many professionals under-signal warmth and competence, mistakenly thinking seriousness requires less expression.
  • Quote:
    “Charisma is a perfect blend of two traits, warmth and competence. [...] We love to be around people who quickly answer two questions: Can you trust me? And can you rely on me?” — Vanessa (15:17)

4. The Four Ways We Signal (Cues)

• (17:09–20:33) Vanessa’s model from Cues:
  1. Words (language, emojis, expressions in texts/emails)
  2. Body Language (expressions, gestures, posture, eye contact)
  3. Voice (tone, cadence, volume)
  4. Ornaments (appearance, background, objects)
• Your combination of signals can make others view you as likable, competent, or unapproachable.

5. Managing Imposter Syndrome & Cultivating Competence

• (22:59–26:32) Hal describes battling imposter syndrome and insecurity among “smarter” peers.
• Vanessa’s advice:
  • Competence is knowing what you know—and what you don’t.
  • Celebrate your “expert power” and own (not hide) your knowledge gaps.
  • Asking for advice is a sign of competence, not weakness.
  • Quote:
    “We love competent people who are like, this is my skill set and I need help with this.” — Vanessa (25:47)

6. Warmth Isn’t Always Easy for Everyone

• (26:32–28:13) Vanessa explains that while warmth is natural for some, for many (especially technical professionals or people on the spectrum) it requires intention.
• Ways to add warmth:
  • Express your intention to help.
  • Use humor or personal anecdotes.
  • Incorporate “extras” (light conversation, gifs) to presentations.

7. The Power of Script-Breaking Questions

• (29:20–32:21) Autopilot questions (“What do you do?”, “How are you?”) kill charisma.
  • Script-breaking, thoughtful questions engage people and trigger genuine connection.
  • Examples:
    • “Working on anything exciting recently?”
    • “Have any new and exciting plans coming up?”
  • Starting with warmth-based questions helps set the tone, especially in professional contexts where competence will dominate later.
  • Quote:
    “The number one way to kill your charisma is to ask an autopilot social script.” — Vanessa (29:25)

8. Hal’s Approach to Questions

• (33:14–34:41) Hal shares his favorite prompt: “What are you excited about right now?”, which lets people share authentically.
• To deepen the connection:
  • “Anything challenging right now you could use some help with?” — Leads to vulnerability and trust.

9. The Science of First Impressions: The First 10 Seconds

• (35:38–40:05)
  • First 10 seconds of interaction matter most—whether walking into a room or joining a video call.
  • Tips:
    • Keep hands visible (signals warmth, openness).
    • Avoid “loser” body language (don’t hunch, don’t shrink yourself). Take up space confidently.
    • Prepare positive first words (don’t waste on apologies or negative cues).
  • Quote:
    “Your first 10 seconds is your biggest opportunity for grabbed or missed charisma, and that is because often we miss those first 10 seconds.” — Vanessa (35:42)

10. Practical Applications

• Use these cues at:
  • Work meetings
  • Sales pitches
  • Social gatherings
  • Family conversations
• Practicing these actionable cues and question strategies makes charisma accessible to all.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Confidence is not the absence of awkwardness. Confidence is feeling the awkwardness, acknowledging it and then doing stuff anyways.”
  — Vanessa Van Edwards (13:15)

• “Don’t believe every thought you think. Whatever that voice is, just, no thank you. Gentle, no thank you.”
  — Vanessa Van Edwards (23:32)

• “The number one way to kill your charisma is to ask an autopilot social script.”
  — Vanessa Van Edwards (29:25)

• “First impression happens the moment someone first sees you, not the moment you start talking.”
  — Vanessa Van Edwards (35:42)

• “Visible hands out of pockets, not behind your back, not stuffed into a purse or a bag. Okay, visible hands. First 10 seconds. Right upon first visual.”
  — Vanessa Van Edwards (36:00)

• “Most people say, oh, yeah, yeah, Vanessa, I know. Good posture. And then I say, do you ever check your phone while you're waiting for a meeting to start? Every single time you check your device you are accidentally going into loser body language by accident.”
  — Vanessa Van Edwards (37:47)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Vanessa’s Morning Routine & The Power of Ritual: 02:38–08:13
• Vanessa’s “Recovering Awkward” Story: 11:44–14:39
• Defining Charisma as Warmth + Competence: 15:17–20:33
• How We Signal: Body Language, Voice, Words, Ornaments: 17:09–20:33
• Imposter Syndrome & Competence: 22:59–26:32
• Making Warmth Practical for All Personalities: 26:32–28:13
• Script-Breaking Questions & Conversation Skills: 29:20–32:21
• Hal’s “What Are You Excited About?” and Deepening Conversation: 33:14–34:41
• First 10 Seconds: First Impressions and Practical Cues: 35:38–40:05

Where to Learn More from Vanessa Van Edwards

• Books: Captivate and Cues
• Newsletter: Weekly free social strategy & icebreaker — scienceofpeople.com
• Social Media: @VanessaVanEdwards on all platforms
  • Fun, research-backed, bite-sized communication tips for introverts and professionals.

Final Takeaway

Vanessa closes by encouraging listeners to be courageous enough to try new interaction strategies, even when it feels awkward or vulnerable:

“I know that some of these tips take some courage. So if you're like, I want to be courageous, I think this is worth every ounce of effort that you put into it. And I just want to commend your bravery on trying these tips.” (41:29)

For anyone looking to become instantly more charismatic, signal confidence and warmth, or simply have better conversations, this episode is packed with practical, actionable insight straight from one of the world’s experts.