Podcast Summary

Achieve Your Goals with Hal Elrod
Episode 625: The Coaching Habit That Brings Out The Best In People with Michael Bungay Stanier
Aired: February 18, 2026
Guest: Michael Bungay Stanier (MBS), author of bestselling book "The Coaching Habit"

Episode Overview

In this episode, Hal Elrod sits down with Michael Bungay Stanier to discuss the essence of coaching, why asking better questions is more powerful than giving advice, and how anyone—not just coaches—can use these tools to bring out the best in others. As they mark the 10th anniversary of "The Coaching Habit," the conversation offers actionable insights for parents, leaders, managers, teachers, and anyone seeking richer relationships and improved results. Michael reveals the key questions at the heart of effective coaching and emphasizes the transformational impact of curiosity and self-generated accountability.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What is Coaching—And Who Is It For?

• MBS defines coaching:
  • "For me, coaching is this powerful way of bringing out the best in somebody, helping them feel seen and heard and encouraged...at the heart of what coaching is, can you stay curious a little bit longer and can you rush to action and advice giving a little bit more slowly?" (03:19)
• Coaching is not just for professional coaches but for anyone who wants to empower others—parents, spouses, managers, friends.

2. The Pitfall of Advice-Giving

• Most people are "advice-giving maniacs" (04:47), offering solutions as soon as someone shares a problem. True coaching starts with curiosity, not solutions.
• On relationships and advice:
  • Hal admits, "When...my wife, my daughter, comes and says complaining or venting or whatever, I immediately go to coaching in the form of, so here's my advice. Here's how you solve the problem." (04:52)
  • MBS counters: "I would not call that coaching. I would call that often fake coaching. Because you're like, have you thought of or did you try...it's just advice with a question mark attached..." (05:15)

3. Staying Curious and Asking Powerful Questions

• The most helpful response is often empathy and curiosity:
  • "Often the most powerful thing you can say is, 'Man, that sounds hard.'... And then a really simple question: 'How can I be helpful? How can I help? What do you want from me?'" (07:04)
• Stresses the importance of not assuming people want advice. Many just want to be heard.

4. Michael’s Journey to Coaching

• Originated in listening to friends as a teenager, leading to volunteer crisis counseling and professional coaching, before realizing he preferred teaching coaching skills over maintaining a coaching practice.
• "I started to teach how to be more coach-like...because I could see the power of coaching. I could see it as a really liberating technology..." (10:39)

5. Accountability: Clarity, Integrity, and Agency

• Hal shares that coaching’s value was not just strategy but accountability: "It Gave me clarity. But then every time I'd be sitting there, my nature was to procrastinate...then I was like, wait, I can't not do the thing. Because I told Jeff, my first coach, that I was going to make 20 calls today..." (14:11)
• MBS reframes accountability:
  • "The real power of a coach is to go, how do I support you holding yourself accountable?... So that agency stays with the person who's doing the work." (15:44)
• Integrity as self-motivation:
  • "If you value your integrity above your excuses, then your word is your bond if you say you're going to do something." (16:38)

Designing for Accountability

• People have different motivators; some respond to money or social bets, others to intrinsic values.
• Example: Monetary penalties for missed commitments (19:14), or creative bets like a "vajazzling" challenge to keep habits (21:01).

6. Internal vs. External Motivation

• Procrastination persists without immediate consequences; real change comes from finding "this internal sense of purpose" (24:17).
• Coaching acts as a supportive scaffold, giving individuals leverage over their own limitations, but ultimately, the goal is to strengthen internal motivation.

7. The Universal Power of Coaching

• MBS: "It's for people who interact with other people...if you are a leader or a parent or a manager or a teacher or a therapist...being more coach like can really be powerful." (27:06)
• The essence: coaching brings out agency and best self in others, whether in parenting, teaching, or leading.

The "Coaching Habit" — The Seven Essential Questions

Hal asks Michael to walk through the seven core questions from "The Coaching Habit" (28:48):

1. What's on your mind?
   • "It invites people to say, let me tell you what's in my heart...It accelerates a faster, deeper conversation." (29:09)
2. And what else?
   • "Their first answer is never their only answer. It's almost never their best answer." (33:02)
   • The AWE question (acronym: And What Else).
3. What's the real challenge here for you?
   • "The big shift...often the most useful thing you can do is help people figure out what the challenge is." (31:42)
4. How can I help?/What do you want from me?
   • Use once the challenge is named, to clarify needs (28:43).
5. • 7. (In the summary, MBS covers these out of order, paired by function):
   • Finish conversations with reflection: "What was most useful here for you?" (Learning question) (30:23)
   • Others include questions focusing on action and commitment, but these are the main ones highlighted in this episode.

Notable Quotes and Moments

• On curiosity as a superpower:
  • "Can you stay curious a little bit longer and rush to action and advice giving a little bit more slowly?" — Michael Bungay Stanier (03:19)
• On the difference between advice and coaching:
  • "Often you're like, have you thought of or did you try or have you considered. Which is not actually a question. It's just advice with a question mark attached." — Michael Bungay Stanier (05:15)
• On the emotional heart of coaching:
  • "The deeper gift of coaching is to help people feel seen and heard and encouraged." (42:12)
• On bringing out the best in others:
  • "The only way to bring out the best in someone is to ask them these questions. Because if you tell them what you think they should do, by definition, you are not bringing out the best in them. You're trying to push the best of you onto them." — Hal Elrod (36:54)
• On giving advice after curiosity:
  • "I've got some ideas around how you could deal with that, but I bet you've got some ideas, too. I'll tell you mine, but before I do, I'm really curious. What have you already figured out about this?" — Michael Bungay Stanier (38:07)
• On coaching and leadership:
  • "If you're the boss and you go first with the solution, everybody goes, that's a really good idea, boss...Your idea and your insight has a heavier gravity." — Michael Bungay Stanier (39:50)
• On the essence of coaching:
  • "It's, can you be present to the person across the table from you so they feel that kind of full sense of who they are so they can be seen by you? Because that's the more profound gift." — Michael Bungay Stanier (42:12)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 03:19 — What is coaching? The curiosity principle.
• 05:15 — What coaching isn’t: fake coaching vs. real curiosity.
• 07:04 — Empathy and “How can I help?” and family examples.
• 10:39 — Michael’s background and coaching journey.
• 14:11–16:38 — The power of accountability and integrity in coaching.
• 19:14–21:42 — Designing accountability for different personalities; creative approaches.
• 24:17 — Why internal purpose matters more than external consequences.
• 27:06, 28:43 — Who "The Coaching Habit" is for and parenting applications.
• 28:48–34:43 — The Seven Essential Coaching Questions (with examples and reasoning).
• 38:07–40:10 — When and how to offer advice after curiosity.
• 42:12–43:11 — Coaching as the gift of making others feel seen, heard, and encouraged.

Closing Insights and Calls to Action

• Coaching is at its best when it isn’t just about solving problems, but about helping others feel seen, heard, and supported. The act of staying curious and withholding advice unlocks agency and wisdom in the other person.
• The 10th anniversary edition of "The Coaching Habit" arrives March 24, 2026, with additional resources on parenting and more. Join the "Year of the Coaching Habit" at mbsworks.shop for free tools and learning opportunities.

Recommended For

Anyone in a position to influence or support others — parents, partners, educators, leaders, managers, and coaches — will benefit from Michael’s down-to-earth wisdom and Hal’s mindful questioning. The actionable advice goes beyond the professional domain, enhancing family, friendships, and team environments by making coaching skills accessible to all.

Final Words:
“The deeper gift of coaching is to help people feel seen and heard and encouraged.” — Michael Bungay Stanier (42:12)
“It’s about sharing our humanity with another person, seeing them, loving them, supporting them, encouraging them...” — Hal Elrod (42:58)