Podcast Summary: "When Parents Get Involved: Ethical Risks in Estate Planning and Divorce Prep"

ACTEC Trust & Estate Talk
Date: February 10, 2026
Host: ACTEC Fellow Kristin Yokomoto
Guests: ACTEC Fellows Carol Bass (New York City) and Shari Leviton (Boston)

Episode Overview

This episode of ACTEC Trust & Estate Talk delves into the complex and increasingly common scenario where parents become heavily involved in their adult children's estate planning and divorce preparation, particularly around prenuptial agreements. The discussion highlights the ethical risks, boundary issues, and best practices that attorneys must navigate when balancing the interests and roles of multiple family members, all while safeguarding privilege and maintaining professional ethics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Dynamics in Legal Planning

• Increased Parental Involvement:
  Attorneys are encountering more cases where parents instigate and shape their children's premarital and estate planning decisions ([01:25]).

  • Carol Bass notes: Parents often initiate contact, express concern (or disapproval) about prospective spouses, and push for or against premarital agreements.
  • Shari Leviton adds: Prenuptial agreements often become a "whole family affair," with adults relying on parents' input for decision-making.

• Modern Parenting Trends:

  • "Helicopter" and "snowplow" parenting result in adult clients who struggle with independent choices ([03:01]).
  • Leviton: "I think a lot of this is...kind of the phenomenon we see...with this helicopter parenting and snowplow parenting."

2. Identifying & Communicating with the Client

• Establishing the Client Relationship:

  • Stress on clarity about who the actual client is—the child or the parent? ([06:28])

  • Ensure engagement agreements clearly identify the client (the adult child), not the parent even if the parent is funding legal fees.

  • Leviton: "I need to hear from my client because the child is the client. Technically, I've had a parent who’s a lawyer want a word version of the document to edit it. And I've said there's going to be one lawyer here, not two." ([04:11])

• Attorney Conflicts:

  • Risks of dual representation arise when the same lawyer is involved with both the parent’s and the child’s planning ([02:30]).
  • Withholding or sharing information between parent and child without consent can put the attorney in ethical peril.

3. Attorney-Client Privilege Risks

• No Parent-Child Privilege:

  • Conversations with both parents and adult children present are generally not privileged ([07:03]).

    • Only a handful of states have a limited privilege (mainly for minors in criminal matters).

  • Carol Bass: "The general rule for attorney-client privilege is that the presence of a third party will cause a waiver of attorney-client privilege." ([07:03])

  • Rare Exceptions:
    The Arizona Akamazo case is cited as an outlier where the court upheld privilege due to the daughter’s dependence on her parents for legal understanding ([08:08]).

4. Ethical Rules—Duty to One Client

• Primary Obligation to the Client:

  • Even if parents are present or involved, the attorney’s duty is strictly to the client (child or divorcing party) ([09:24]).

  • Bass: “There is one client, and it is the person who is being married or being divorced. The parents are not parties to the marriage or the divorce. And yet the ethical rules say you have an obligation to your client.” ([09:24])

• Direct Communication Required:

  • Attorneys must confirm that the client independently understands and agrees to all legal documents and strategies ([10:52]).
  • Bass: “I need to look them in the eyeball and make sure that this is what they want.” ([10:52])

• Managing Information Sharing:

  • Cannot share details or copies of documents with parents or family offices unless the client gives informed consent ([13:14]).

5. Practical Dilemmas and Solutions

• Handling Requests for Information:

  • Parents or family offices often request copies of prenuptial agreements or asset disclosures. These cannot be shared without explicit client consent ([13:14]).

• Asset Disclosure Tensions:

  • Parents may resist full disclosure of family assets, potentially undermining the validity of premarital agreements ([14:01]).
  • Leviton: "They can be very sensitive about what they want to share with their own child and with the in-law to be." ([14:01])

• When to Decline or Refer Work:

  • It may be prudent to refer the child’s premarital representation to another attorney if you already represent the family; this avoids conflicts of interest ([12:45]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parental Over-Involvement:

  • Leviton [04:11]:
    “I've had the experience where the parent is answering the questions, child is sitting side by side. And when I say child, this is an adult about to get married...”

• On Clarifying Attorney Role:

  • Leviton [04:24]:
    “There’s going to be one lawyer here, not two. Take your pick.”

• On Privilege Waiver:

  • Bass [07:03]:
    “The presence of a third party will cause a waiver of attorney-client privilege.”

• On Client Consent:

  • Bass [10:52]:
    “I need to look them in the eyeball and make sure that this is what they want.”

• On Document Sharing Risks:

  • Bass [13:14]:
    “We can't just upload a copy of the documents. Or if we get permission, we have to separately ask, can we share the asset disclosure?”

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:25] — Family involvement in initial planning
• [03:01] — Parenting trends affecting adult children’s independence
• [04:11] — Handling parental dominance in client meetings
• [06:28] — The importance of identifying the client and engagement agreements
• [07:03] — Attorney-client privilege and the risks of waiver
• [08:08] — The rare Arizona case on parent-child privilege
• [09:24] — Ethical obligations and the unique client relationship
• [10:52] — Ensuring client understanding and consent
• [13:14] — Sharing documents with family offices and confidentiality pitfalls
• [14:01] — Parental sensitivity over asset disclosure

Closing Thoughts

The discussion underscores the need for estate and matrimonial attorneys to define clear boundaries, maintain ethical responsibilities, and proactively communicate the distinction between client and family interests. With growing parental involvement, attorneys must vigilantly protect client autonomy and confidentiality to avoid conflicts and safeguard the enforceability of legal agreements.

A succinct wrap-up from Carol Bass:
"[This is] a very important topic that doesn't get talked about enough." ([14:40])