Jerry Seinfeld and Adam Carolla talk Cars and Comedy

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Jerry Seinfeld and Adam Carolla Talk Cars and Comedy"

Date: June 9, 2026
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Jerry Seinfeld, Alicia Krauss (News)

---

Episode Overview

This highly anticipated episode features Adam Carolla in conversation with comedy icon and car enthusiast Jerry Seinfeld. The duo share a dynamic, humorous chat spanning their mutual love of cars—particularly Porsches—the intricacies of car culture, minimalism in engineering and comedy, and Seinfeld’s detailed process of crafting jokes. The talk naturally veers into personal philosophies, the nature of comedic ambition, and reflections on their paths through show business. The episode closes with a robust news segment with Alicia Krauss, providing sharp takes on current events, political absurdities, and pop culture moments.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. How Cars Brought Seinfeld In-Studio

Timestamps: [03:40–09:05]

• Origin of This Episode: The conversation starts with Jerry explaining why he finally visited Adam’s studio—tracing it to a playful, slightly awkward moment at the renowned Porsche event, Rennsport, where Adam invited Jerry to see his Porsche 935.
  • Jerry Seinfeld: “Why do I have to see your car? ... If I look at it, what does it do to the car?” ([07:57])
  • Adam Carolla: “I've been saying this for years... they should brick up the Louvre museum. What do you need to walk through there and look at old paintings?” ([08:24])
• Jerry explains he’s a "low-key car guy" who enjoys sharing his cars less for attention and more for personal satisfaction.

2. Public Interaction & Fame in Car Culture

Timestamps: [07:06–13:01]

• Jerry shares how being so recognizable – especially at car events – affects his experience.
• Adam and Jerry joke about the quirks and burdens of fame, culminating in anecdotes about personal interactions, trust, and the sometimes comical skepticism people show with strangers (like holding doors or using elevators).

3. Sirens, Backup Beepers, and the Sounds of City Life

Timestamps: [13:01–18:52]

• Both lampoon the pervasive, often unnecessary, noise of modern city infrastructure, especially emergency sirens and “backup beepers.”
  • Adam: “How many backup beeps have you ever heard where you moved out of the way versus rolled over in bed?” ([16:25])
• They riff on how technology, such as car sound insulation and entertainment systems, has shifted what safety alarms are necessary or annoying.

4. A Deep Dive into Race Cars vs. Street Cars

Timestamps: [18:14–24:10]

• Adam and Jerry bond over their love for “purpose-built” cars, preferring stripped-out race cars or race-inspired street cars to showy, over-designed vehicles.
  • Jerry: “Focused is the word you want... Not pragmatic. They get rid of everything that’s not practical.” ([18:50])
• Adam shares a story about discovering oil lines routed inside a roll cage—an extreme example of pragmatic, minimalist racing design.

5. Minimalism & Essentialism in Cars and Comedy

Timestamps: [21:24–32:47]

• Seinfeld discusses his admiration for Porsche’s engineering philosophy: “Everything you need, nothing you don’t.”
• Comparison between comedy and mechanical design:
  • Adam: “[Your comedy]... you would approach a comedy premise the way Porsche would approach an automobile: let’s shave it down, let’s streamline it.” ([31:51])
  • Jerry: “You know, this is one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever received.” ([32:09])
  • Jerry: “I am an essentialist. I like, let’s remove everything but the absolute essence of this.” ([32:13])
• Seinfeld points out that this minimalism is both aesthetic and a means of “survival” in comedy: keep the laughs tight and relentless.

6. Comedy as Calling, Not Just a Trade

Timestamps: [33:33–41:27]

• Discussion of Massapequa (their New York hometown’s penchant for producing notables) and how ambition, drive, and love for comedy differentiate successful comics from “tradesmen.”
  • Jerry: “I had so much love for comedy... I just worked at it like crazy because I loved it.” ([37:30])
  • Anecdote from Seth Rogen emphasizing the “do you really want this?” separation in comedy and other careers.

7. The Compulsion to Create

Timestamps: [39:23–41:27]

• Adam likens himself to border collies herding children; comedy is an impulse, not a mere job.
• Jerry compares finding comedy to "coming home" to his natural breed: “I felt at home on Earth for the very first time...” ([40:35])

8. Writing Process, Craft, and the Eternal Quest for the Perfect Bit

Timestamps: [41:37–66:18]

• Jerry details his obsessive approach to writing and refining material:
  • Daily writing, often late at night
  • Constantly reworking lines for maximum effectiveness
  • Bit selection for the stage is fluid, like "shopping" in a grocery store
• Analogy to Ichiro Suzuki: “My goal is to every day just get one inch better.” ([63:17])
• Jerry’s philosophy: “Take your obsessive-compulsive disorder and make it work for you.” ([62:17])

9. Rich Guy/Poor Guy—A Masterpiece of Modern Comedy

Timestamps: [45:08–49:17]

• Jerry enthusiastically praises Adam’s “Rich Man, Poor Man” bit, calling it “one of the top five greatest pieces of material I have ever heard.” ([45:52])
  • Memorable exchanges about bit origins, favorites ("knows the going rate for copper"), and the joy of resonant, observational humor.
• Adam shares how audience reactions, especially laughter of recognition, are the ultimate reward.

10. Mutual Admiration, Texting Pact, and Future Collabs

Timestamps: [49:18–69:17]

• Adam reflects on how he and Jerry are kindred spirits in both humor and car taste.
• Jerry and Adam form a pact to text at least once a year and consider filming a classic “cars and coffee” drive together.
  • Jerry (joking about filming a car coffee run): “Oh, my God. Do you think people would like that?” ([69:19])

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fame and Car Culture

  • Jerry: “If you go to a Porsche related event... it amps it up. The recognition factor is off the charts.” ([07:32])

• On Essentialism

  • Jerry: “Simplicity is the most precious and difficult thing to achieve.” ([22:00])

• On the Role of Comedy

  • Jerry: “You are in touch with a consciousness of humanity that no other artist can feel... Standup comedy is an intense experience.” ([44:07])

• On “Rich Man, Poor Man”

  • Jerry: “I think it’s one of the top five greatest pieces of material I have ever heard.” ([45:52])

• On Craft

  • Jerry: “Writing stand up is like lifting weights. You can only do so much of it and it will break your brain because it has to be brilliant.” ([64:04])
  • Jerry: “Be obsessive, be compulsive in a productive way.” ([63:17])

• On Leaving an Audience Wanting More

  • Jerry: “Let’s get off a little sooner than they think I’m going to. Same with the TV series. Let’s leave early. I like to leave parties early.” ([65:20])

---

News Segment with Alicia Krauss

Timestamps: [72:08–104:31]

Highlights:

• California Politics

  • Analysis of the Spencer Pratt mayoral campaign and the realities of LA/California electoral dysfunction.
  • Adam: “…it’s just kind of a failure... and Democrats like, taking the lead and keeping the lead and making sure that everybody else is locked out of the system.” ([75:45])

• Voting, Apathy, and DEI

  • Debate on California’s slow and problematic voter ballot systems, the “problem of perception” when people lose trust in outcomes, and parallels with affirmative action controversies.
  • Adam: “The one thing you can’t have with voting is, did they really?... it enters into question what we’re doing, and you can’t have that when it comes to voting.” ([77:03])

• Graham Platner and Political Word Salad

  • Wry critique of political scandals involving a Democratic candidate with a Nazi tattoo, discussing hypocrisy and political tribalism.
  • Adam: “He sounds like AOC... The freedom to whack off in a porta potty. That’s freedom.” ([94:12])

• Pop Culture: Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce Wedding

  • Jokes about the logistics of a celebrity wedding with 1,000 guests.
  • Adam: "One person like ODs in the bathroom or something. Oh, my God. I'm not saying they would would. I'm just saying thousand people. It's a lot of people." ([103:12])

---

Closing & Final Thoughts

• On Friendship & Collaboration
  • Adam and Jerry maintain their dry, self-effacing rapport throughout, culminating in the idea to “text once a year” and joking about selling a car-centric TV show—clear nods to “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.”
• Seinfeld’s Ongoing Tour
  • Jerry shares he still does 100–150 live dates a year: “Because that’s what you do.” ([69:36])

---

Recommendations for Listeners

If you love comedy mechanics, car geekery, and a blend of modern culture critique laced with quick jabs and insightful metaphors, this episode is a must-listen. Jerry Seinfeld’s appearances are rare and never phoned in, and Adam’s hosting brings out both sincere affection and sharp wit in both men. Their lengthy, open exchanges on craft, grit, and the quirks of fame are valuable for comedians, car buffs, and anyone who wants an inside look at the intersection of obsession and artistry.

---

Segment Timestamps

• Jerry Joins & Rennsport Story: [03:40–09:05]
• Car Events & Recognition: [07:06–13:01]
• Sirens & City Life: [13:01–18:52]
• Race Cars vs. Street Cars: [18:14–24:10]
• Essentialism in Cars/Comedy: [21:24–32:47]
• Comedy as Calling, Not Trade: [33:33–41:27]
• Writing Process & Craft: [41:37–66:18]
• “Rich Man, Poor Man” Deep Dive: [45:08–49:17]
• Friendship & Car Collaborations: [49:18–69:17]
• Alicia Krauss News Segment: [72:08–104:31]
• Pop Culture/Closing: [100:40–104:31]

---

Memorable Outro:
Jerry: “We’ll text once a year… and see where it goes from there.” ([68:22])

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode at last, Jerry Seinfeld is on for a thoughtful conversation. Also, news with Alicia Krauss and we'll do that right after this. Thanks for tuning in to the Adam Carolla Show. You can watch the full show on YouTube just search Adam Carolla show and hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also get the podcast wherever you like to listen. And for extra content, ad free episodes and more, you can head over to our substack and sign up today. This is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. If you care about predictions, you care about props. And right now, it's all about playoff pressure. From the hardwood to the ice, every possession, every shift, every shot. Well, it all matters. Bet Online has always been the home of real sports betting. Deep markets, sharp odds and player props built for fans who know these games aren't random. The NBA playoffs are heating up, stars taking over, series swinging on a single score. And in the NHL, it's all speed, grit and sudden death. Moments where one goal changes everything. Lines tighten, pressure builds and betonline delivers. Live betting and in game odds that move with every bucket, every breakaway, every goal. This is where the action happens, where experience shows, and where the smallest edge makes the biggest difference. Bet Online. The game starts here. You're invited to a special audience screening of the world famous KROC Doc. We were the first to play the biggest bands in the history of music producer Adam Carolla. I made the KROQ documentary because I kept running into people who had their own stories about KROC and their memories of Kroc. Featuring no Doubt, Green Day, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blink 182, Depeche Mode, the Cure, U2 Los Angeles has a musical punch. That fist has KROQ right on it. KROQ is where everything happens.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

We started broadcasting September 2nd of 1972.

[Adam Carolla]

We didn't have any listeners. The world famous Kroc Rock doc. It captures a time that will never exist again. Saturday, June 20th at 8pm [e-mail] when the moments in your life are too

[Alicia Krauss]

important to miss, you can trust O'Reilly Auto Parts to keep you and your plans on the road. Our professional parts people can test your vehicle's battery and even give it a charge if needed. In most cases, we can install your

[Adam Carolla]

new battery for free.

[Alicia Krauss]

It's just one of the many services we provide at O'Reilly Auto Parts to

[Adam Carolla]

ensure life's best moments.

[Alicia Krauss]

Moments don't find you stranded oh, oh,

[Adam Carolla]

oh O'Reilly Auto Parts. This episode of the Adam Carolla show is brought to you by Simplisafe. From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Jerry Seinfeld. Plus the news with Alicia Crouse. And now, Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get on it, George. We've got a mandate. You get it on. And Jerry Seinfeld finally in studio.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Let's explain to the fans why I'm here. Well, because they're, they're going, wow, that's quite a booking for all the guy. How do you, how do you get that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, a deep reverence for my comedic ability, I think is where we would start.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You know what I was thinking about this morning, but we'll get to that later. Your famous bit that I never get tired of. But let's get back. Let's get to the issue that, that, that led to this moment.

[Adam Carolla]

The issue was a conversation that we had at Ren Sport.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right, well, tell them what that is.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Ren Sport is like the biggest gathering of Porsche, right? Race cars, street cars, all Porsche all the time, with a race that goes on in amongst the gathering as well. Every, I don't know, two or three years, they move it around. I did it in, I don't know, 17 or 18, won the Wysock trophy, which I was happy to, happy to get. But it's a lot of Porsche guys, right. And it's all in one spot, right, which is the infield of Laguna Seca in Monterrey.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah, yeah. Jammed with cars and people.

[Adam Carolla]

You cannot move with cars and people. And like any show, you rush and hurry to get your cars finished for the event.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You had a, you had a VW transport bus, which was pretty cool. A 550 Porsche, all with great heritage as well.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I think a 908, long tail.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

907. 907.

[Adam Carolla]

I do that every time. 910, 917, 935.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

The very first Porsche to win overall 24 hours Daytona 1968. Vic Alford.

[Adam Carolla]

Really very first win, the 935 you refuse to acknowledge, which is why we're here. Also won overall at Daytona in 81 with Brian Redman.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And Rahal driving it. It was pretty rare that a non prototype would win back then, but it did happen on occasion when other cars would break or weather would creep in. Right. Or what have you. Those days are gone now. It's all prototypes all the time. But yeah, so we were talking, I was looking at the 907. I actually went out to Joey Cavallari's shop in Van Nuys and was looking at some of your stuff before Rennsport. So, you know, just doing. Doing a little legwork. Because he also had your 917.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

With the Gulf livery on it there. And then we saw the car. Now, my car was being displayed there as well. Right now. Maybe you should pick up this.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

So I'm standing there, and Adam comes up, and we've met before, and I know he's a car guy. He knows I am. But Adam may not be as fluent in celebrity public management. And he came up to me and he said, hey, my 935 is here. I want you to see it. And I thought, you know, for me to get to where this car is, I would have to move through a lot of people. I was already dealing with a lot of people.

[Adam Carolla]

True.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Because, you know, at a big Porsche event, I get a lot of interaction, which is great. I love to meet people, love the fans.

[Adam Carolla]

You tell me you're a very recognizable guy. You've been in the public space for a long time, and people would recognize you at any airport at any time. Not Porsche related airports. Just any airport.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you go to a Porsche related event, that is.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It amps it up.

[Adam Carolla]

It amps it up. The recognition factor is off the charts.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. So to kind of be. You know, Adam is one of my. Adam has some great comedy material that I love. And just to be a little.

[Adam Carolla]

Magnanimous.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Douchey.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, everything's somewhere in between.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Somewhere in between. I said, why? Why do I have to see your car? What does it do to the car? If I look at. Does nothing to the value. It really does nothing for you. You know what's gonna happen? I'm gonna walk over to your car, Adam, and I'm gonna go, hey, that's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And if he needs that, what kind of comedian are you that needs that kind of recognition?

[Adam Carolla]

I've been saying this.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

So I said, I don't need to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been saying this for years that they should brick up the Louvre museum. What do you need to walk through there and look at old paintings? What does that do for the Mona Lisa? I don't get it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm with you.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But you do get it. You do get it because you want the recognition that I have this now. I am the opposite.

[Adam Carolla]

That is not.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I am not a look at what I have guy. Like, a lot of car guys are right. I don't I am very low key. I never like to show my stuff. I don't. I don't care. I do it for me. I enjoy it. I'm not. You know, there's a whole show off fee segment of the car community that I don't love being around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They're called multiple cars.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

So I thought I was being kind of smart alecky and funny and I said, I don't want to see your car.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And I thought it was funny. And Adam's feelings were hurt and I saw him talking on some other show somewhere about this incident and it hurt his feelings. And I felt terrible that I hurt your feelings. I feel terrible and I wanted to come here and apologize to you for. For being, you know, trying to be funny slash nasty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Listen, I don't have. I don't have a high. I'm not a high self esteem person.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't care. I thought. I'm more interested in things, not as a slight to me, but more just interested in life and how it pertains.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Interested in life, you say?

[Adam Carolla]

I say that because I'll give you an example of something I found interesting. I was waiting to change outside of a bathroom in New York at an event, some event.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I think I read about this

[Adam Carolla]

and. Oh, God, Rose, what's her name came in. The big boobed woman of color. I'll think of her name. That narrows it down. Yeah. And she came in and she said she saw me standing outside the bathroom and she said, I. I gotta use the bathroom. Is there someone in there? And I said, yeah, there's somebody in there. I'm waiting for them so I can change. And she looked at me and she said, yeah. And she walked over the door and she started banging on the door. Is there somebody in there? And then somebody went, I'm in there. And then I looked at her and I went, I just told you somebody was in there. Why did you not trust me? Yeah, I didn't feel slighted. It was more of a human interaction thing that I felt interesting. I felt it was interesting. So for you, I didn't feel slighted. I was more sort of interested in it. Like, what were you up to? But also, I really want to see everyone's cars like I am into other people's cars.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I've seen pictures of it.

[Adam Carolla]

You've seen pictures?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Now I want to. This bathroom incident.

[Adam Carolla]

Amber Rose. Sorry, Amber Rose.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yes. This bathroom incident is a little interesting to me. Do you have a. When you ever hold the door open for someone and then as they go through it, they put their hand on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

What did you think I might do?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That you're keeping your hand on there. And the same reason this woman doesn't trust you. You know there's someone in there. Why? Why is there that distrust for someone who's doing a good deed for you, by the way, holding the door.

[Adam Carolla]

She also nullified your good gesture by helping out.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right? She sort of nullified it.

[Adam Carolla]

She took it. She didn't throw it in the garbage, but she took it from a 10 to 4Y.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Now I don't trust you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like a little. She's basically reclaiming some door glory, basically by putting her that's stolen valor there, by her putting her hand on that and helping. Yeah. Maybe the same way with the elevators. When you hold the door and they still dive into the elevators, if you're gonna let it go at the last. The last second, where do you come down on the person sliding the hand in the elevator after they've clearly missed it?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I think that's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

You do?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I think you wait for the next one.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I think if you can. Well, I live in New York City,

[Adam Carolla]

you know, if you can make it,

[Jerry Seinfeld]

you make it, right? Everybody, it's every man for himself.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you in New York? How much time are you out on the coast and how much time are you in New York?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I'm not out here much. Every now and then I visit friends and I love driving out here. I love PCH. I love the Santa Monica Mountains.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But I'm 99% New York City and still love it. Love it, live for it, dream about it, hope I die there. Have had about enough ambulance sirens all day, all night.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, this basic thing of life is that all living things are born, live, die.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

How big a deal is this that someone doesn't feel great? I agree that we have to dive out of the way. Pull over. We don't know who's in the back.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

We don't know what they've been eating, drinking, smoking.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Let me get out of your way.

[Adam Carolla]

Also could have been someone who just stabbed a tourist and got shot in the leg by a cop. Do we really need to get out of the way for that guy?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I will say this. I will pile on with that. I live right off of pch, Pacific Coast Highway. They will send the ambulance and the fire truck. And every day at 4 in the morning, right, the guy's lit up like a Christmas tree. But he's got the sirens going and it's like, there is nobody on the road. Can you go silently to your next destination? And also in a world, because, Jerry, I know you love car talk. There was a day when you didn't have a lot of great views in your car. The rear view was small, the outside mirrors were like the size of a ladies compact. And the car was tinny and thin, and it wasn't really insulated very well. So the siren made sense. You could hear somebody coming, but you might not see them coming now. Cars are silent, they're quiet. They have 17. They have a subwoofer and, like, 17 speakers in there. There's mirrors everywhere. There's cameras and mirrors everywhere. So I would argue you see these guys now because of the cameras and the mirrors and everything, but you would not hear them because the windows are always rolled up, the climate's always on, the Sirius XM's always blaring. You have the woofers and you have the speakers. And so maybe they should go silent. Especially at four in the morning when there's nobody. There's physically nobody on the road.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I agree. I think we need. It's time to change the slogan from protect and serve to we get there when we get there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Maybe you shouldn't have left the iron on when you left the house to join a fentanyl drug gang.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, you can find the clip. Someone in la, we have a fire captain who beat you to that. She was. Remember that clip that came out right after the fires where this woman.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Do you know you're yelling?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sorry. I'm excited, Jerry.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's good. I wish I was.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna get you out of your shell. Don't worry. She was basically explaining that she shouldn't have to come in and carry her husband out of a fire because he was there. He shouldn't have been there in the first place. Which is a crazy conceit. It's sort of like. It'd be like me working for AAA going, if I have to drive a tow truck out to you, you did something wrong, bro. It's kind of my job, though, right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's called personal responsibility. That's the new Corolla administration. You're on your own.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I'd like to get rid of. I'd like to get rid of all sirens and all backup beepers.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

The backup beeper.

[Adam Carolla]

The backup beeper.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

We see your truck. It's the biggest thing there Is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's the loudest thing there is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes. Nobody misses a garbage truck or a cube truck or anything I don't need. And also think about this. How many backup beeps have you ever heard where you moved out of the way versus rolled over in bed?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like every backup beep I've ever heard, I've been in bed.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never been standing behind a cement truck when I heard it. I've never moved, and I've never actually used a traffic report. I've heard 1 million traffic reports. I've never went, my God, that's coming up. I got to turn off now. I've used I've heard 1 million traffic reports, done nothing. Heard 1 million backup beeps, not move. I'm over everything.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's the banning error.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever moved because of a backup beep?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No. No. But you heard him from in law. I've heard traffic reports of traffic. I'm not in. It makes me feel good. I always stop and listen and just feel nice. Well, in New York, we just walk everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I love hearing about traffic that I'm not in.

[Adam Carolla]

I do love it when I'm sailing down the freeway and they're running a traffic brake on the other side, going the other direction. It's all piled up. Yeah. Schadenfreude.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Good German name There. You probably know it well.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I do know it well.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is that clip with that? Lady, you're gonna love this. But the. I was thinking about Porsche, and I was thinking about you, and I was thinking about, like, I love race cars specifically. I realize I like them more than streetcars. There's some amazing street cars, and some are on the border of streetcar and race car.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But that's my favorite.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Where the one leg, streetable, racy is my favorite.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Maybe a Ferrari F40 is like the. One of the. More like. Well, the indoor. The panels doesn't have a door latch. It doesn't have a handle, has a string, you know, for lightness. You know, there's weird stuff, and I agree. I think that stuff is really cool. But I think I love a race car because it is super pragmatic. Everything is gone. That doesn't work.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Focused is the word you want.

[Adam Carolla]

Focused.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Not pragmatic.

[Adam Carolla]

Not pragmatic. They get rid of everything is practical and it has a use. And people say to me all the time, they go, how fast are you going in the race car? And I go, I don't know. And then they go, well, what's the speedometer? I go, there's no speedometer. And they go, why no speedometer? I go, it's just weight.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You don't need it.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't need it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Cop cars, too. Do you like cop cars? I love cop cars.

[Adam Carolla]

I love. I love anything that has. Anything that has purpose.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it's made for this thing, not 15 other things.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's a car. Is that a car head thing?

[Adam Carolla]

It's not all car. See, they're guys that like Mustangs. And the Mustangs have fake vents for the rear. Yeah, I know. The fake hood vent. The hood doesn't even have a hole in it. There's just a plastic thing on top of the hood. And then. I don't know why this angers me the most, but the rear brakes on the fender has cooling vents. Except for there's no hole in the fender.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just plastic stuck on there. And then some cars, you'd go in the interior and the steering wheel would have allen bolts in the steering wheel, except for they're just plastic and they're just cast in. And that's what I hate the most.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Why do you think Japanese cars put a little Bugle on the horn button? Why did they do that? I remember noticing this when we had a Toyota Corolla in 71 and those little Bugles.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I thought, what are they? They think we don't know what that button does. Why do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Here's what I would say if I was designing a car. Get rid of the Bugle. Unless we're talking about the snack.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Now, that's a totally different.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a totally different story.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I don't like a little Bugle.

[Adam Carolla]

Get rid of the Bugle.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's annoying. It's insulting.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't make me have to get out my jeweler's loop to figure out which side the gas flap is on where I have to do a lot of, like, peeking. It's that.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That little triangle.

[Adam Carolla]

That little triangle.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

They didn't have anything, and you have to have nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I love that little thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I want it bigger, that's all.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Okay, get rid of the Bugle. You love Datsun, then Nissan. Yes, the Nissan Xterra. Their campaign, as you recall, was everything you need, nothing you don't. I always felt like that summed up a car guy's mentality perfectly.

[Adam Carolla]

But there's different car guys. So you like.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yes, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

You like Porsche, because Porsche is everything you need to go fast with none of the trappings of, like, Ferrari is awesome, but they're still Ferrari and they still have a few bells and whistles.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's a little bit of a car for other people, too, that you want to impress. And I, again, don't like to be that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Porsche is the purist, I would say, like, when you start looking at the key and the key is drilled out for weight. You know what I mean?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Like, stuff like that, it's minimalism, essentialism. You look at the body shape itself looks like a fitted sheet over the. What's the minimum shape? But still interesting. As Mies van der Rohe, who was the first guy to say less is more. An interesting. Simplicity is the most precious and difficult thing to achieve. And I would say that describes what I like about Porsche, especially old ones. An interesting simplicity.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I. I completely agree. And there's little things where you just go, oh, like when I. I got my 935, that's the big turbo car. For those who are listening and lost.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Everyone who's interested in comedy, I know the show business.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, circle back. But I will say this. When I got my 935, I took it to Bruce Canopa. You probably know.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I know Bruce.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said, well, you got to get this thing ready so I can race it. And they said, well, you gotta take the aluminum roll bar out, which. It doesn't weigh anything. It's sort of like, why it's a roll bar. It's made out of a coat hanger, essentially.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. It would do nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

And you gotta put a chromoly one in there in case there's an accident. And, you know, you're a big celebrity. Not big enough for seinfeld to walk 100ft to see your car. No, he added that. I didn't say that.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

100ft is far.

[Adam Carolla]

So when they pulled the old roll cage out, at the back of the roll cage where the engine was, there was this fitting, like an opening, like a hose bib, into the roll cage. And then at the front, where your feet went, there was another fitting. And I said, who builds a roll cage with a. With a fitting in it, like a hose fitting? And they said, well, they would. That's how they got the oil from the back of the car to the front of the car to get cooled, and then back on the other side. And I was like, they. They're pumping oil through the roll cage, and they're like, yeah. And I'm like, why? And they're like eight feet less of hose.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

To run.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Oh, that's cool. I never knew that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's nuts. Right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Here's a car I almost brought today to show you. I have a 934. And you know what that is?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a 9. Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

One turbo, single turbo that I, Bruce and I found in Greece, and we turned it into a streetcar, and it's completely insane. It's 2,000 pounds, 500 horsepower, but it's a bit of a handful. I was gonna bring that today to show you because I knew you would like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you brought enough. You brought a gt. I'll play this clip, by the way, just so you can know.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

For those of you that are still

[Adam Carolla]

listening, then we'll do comedy.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

This is a good look. You wanna see somebody that responds to your house, your emergency, whether it's a medical call or a fire call, that looks. Gives that person a little bit more

[Alicia Krauss]

ease, knowing that somebody might understand their situation better.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she strong enough to do this or. You couldn't carry my husband out of a fire. Which.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

My response is, he got himself in the wrong place.

[Adam Carolla]

If I have to carry him out of a fire. I like that she's clapping back at the grieving widow. What's the wrong place to be in a house fire? Like a den.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

What are you doing in your house while it's on fire?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a big question. Yeah. That's a bigger question.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why were you.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Why are you in your house?

[Adam Carolla]

Why were you in the Mini Cooper when it went off the cliff?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Why do we have to know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. And I also like that people produced it and edited it and put music bed under it and went, this is ready for release. And nobody in the chain of command raised their hand and went, you know what?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Question, question, quick question.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever seen, for that reason, the Minister of defense, Deacon Jones? The clip of him talking about the head slap?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Louisiana Rams.

[Adam Carolla]

Louisiana Rams.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

60s Roman Gabriel.

[Adam Carolla]

That era. That era, Deacon Jones. There's the greatest clip, meaning somebody shot it. NFL Films shot it. NFL Films edited it, and then it was released. And then I saw it years later on tv. And they've edited out now, but somebody captured it on their tv and it'll go along in the annals of. Why didn't they catch this and why didn't they edit it? I'll play it for you. Just react to it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

75. I was gonna guess 74, but this is really my.

[Adam Carolla]

Merlin Olsen was 74, I think. All right, here we Go Atkins. Threat of breaking arms was the reality of the Deacon Jones head slap. The head slap was to do two purposes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

One was to give myself an initial head start on the fast rush. In other words, a extra step.

[Adam Carolla]

Because anytime you go upside a man's head or a woman, then they have a tendency to blink their eyes or close their eyes. He added woman. He added woman. Even though no woman has ever started as a weak side tackle in the NFL.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Deacon Jones and Bubba Smith, two greatest lineman names ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes. Otis Sistrunk was pretty good.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Otis Cistrunk, Yeah, that's a strong lineman's definitely mentioned.

[Adam Carolla]

And back when bald meant something. Bald today is just like Bezos, you know? You know what I mean? Back then, if you were bald, that meant something. You know what I mean? You were Bond villain. You were Otis Cistrunk. Like, nobody went full shaved head back then. It's nothing anymore.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Sort of like it's about the time when, like, a guy who drove a Mercedes, he's got a Mercedes Benz, he's a big deal pulling up in his Mercedes. Now everyone's secretary's got a 190 or whatever. It's not a thing.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Do you think the shaved head, beard reverse baldness solution will last? It is hugely. Couldn't be more popular, yes. For some reason, James Taylor has no interest in it. I don't know why. But do you think it will last as a men's fashion technique to deal with baldness?

[Adam Carolla]

Feels like compensation is kind of what you're saying. Like the guy's got a full beard,

[Jerry Seinfeld]

but in a different place.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

So I get the same credit or some credit. Give me some credit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I'm capable of growing hair.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Do you think this UCLA baldness cure story is real? Have they really cured it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, I haven't seen it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You haven't seen that story?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

They have apparently cured it. They've come up with something.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like it. As somebody who genetically did not get a great hand and you can kind of tell not.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I mean, look at what's behind you. I don't think the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Now you're trying to build me up.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No, I don't feel that. His name all over the place.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, I have some skinny calves and that just means that bad genetic hand. Because that's all genetics. It's 100% genetics.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

The only thing I'm insecure about, the only thing I would wish for myself that I don't have, is I like when I see people with nice lower legs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Strong lower leg.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And it also is purely genetic. It has nothing to do with performance. It's still. It'll intimidate other guys. Like, there's guys. Yeah, they're guys. Sometimes I'll see a guy and I'll go, I think I could take that guy. And then I look down and I see those calves and go, okay, I'm not going to mess with this guy. Huge Cavs guy. You got to stay away from great

[Jerry Seinfeld]

boxers that don't have big calves because they.

[Adam Carolla]

Jon Jones, the greatest UFC fighter to ever live, really has no calves.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Okay, so, zero. We don't need them.

[Adam Carolla]

They're really like those vents on the side of the Mustang. They're just there for show, Jerry.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't funk. The most devastating knockout artist in the UFC has no calves.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Is he still active, or he, like.

[Adam Carolla]

He retires, he unretires, he goes dormant for long periods of time. They throw lots of money at him, and they get him back out to fight, and then he wins.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I like George St. Pierre.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, me, too.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

What a physique.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a bald guy, all right. But, yeah, no beer.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You never noticed because it's such a specimen. What a specimen.

[Adam Carolla]

I totally agree with that great Jean Claude Van Damme type accent, you know, and a gentleman. But he's got the French accent. Yeah, but he's, like, French Canadian. Yeah, Yeah, I think.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Do you do any preparation for this show?

[Adam Carolla]

I think you know the answer to that.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I got a punch list that says George St. Pierre on it right now.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But is there anything about me that you want to know that you're curious about?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes, I did. I did. I did.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You did do some prep.

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I did. That makes me feel good.

[Adam Carolla]

I did. Sorry, I. Well, I wanted to talk to you. See, here's the thing. I meet a lot of guys and I go, I'm a car guy. And I go, what do you like? They go, mopar guy. And I go, okay, I got rims for my Dodge. You're not a car guy. You're not a car. And then I'll tell them. I'll go, I'll go race or whatever. What do you race? I go, I got Datsun 510. They go, I don't know what that is. And I go, then stop saying you're a car guy, because you have one thin category of cartoon generational.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

So much generational.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but I was trying to. You being a Porsche guy is not you liking German cars. Per Se. It's a little insight into sort of how you think.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

You would approach a comedy premise the way Porsche would approach an automobile, which is, let's shave it down, let's streamline it, let's see just how effective we can do this and how much brevity we can put in here to get then to the next joke.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You know, this is one of the nicest compliments I've ever received.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yes. I really appreciate that. Thank you. I do. I am an essentialist. I like, let's remove everything but the absolute essence of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. And we appreciate that in engineering terms as well as show business terms.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Comedy terms, your love of Porsche, and not only Porsche, but the kind of Porsches you like, with a little emphasis on racing, that says a mind that's sort of efficient and streamlined and practical and all those other things.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But if I may, in comedy, that's not just an aesthetic, it's also a survival mechanism. The closer your laughs are together, the harder it is for the audience to fall into any kind of lull. You just are. It's like in boxing, you want to keep your attack incessant and the space in between the punches small, especially when you feel you've got someone backing up. So this is a comedy technique that I learned over the years, that when you get an audience in trouble, to use a boxing term, if you can just not have any air, then they start to almost feel uncomfortable that they can't stop laughing. And I think that's fun.

[Adam Carolla]

So how.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But what was your question? What were you getting at?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was. The kind of things I was thinking about with you is multiple things. Like Massapequa.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, oh, the Baldwins are from Massapequa.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I was like Joey Buttafuoco

[Jerry Seinfeld]

and Steve Guttenberg and Steve Gutenberg, who's not as fat and stray cats.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the stray cats. Yeah. And I was like, what was that like? And then did people know people in. It's not that big a place.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I didn't know any of those people. But when Adam. When Adam. When Alec Baldwin became famous and I found out that he was from Massapequa and that his father was a gym teacher in my high school, I said, you mean to tell me Alec Baldwin's father is Mr. Baldwin?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Which was. Right. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, O'Reilly. What do they do? They keep your car on the road? There are not many car issues I can't figure out. But if I'm stumped. I'll call O'Reilly immediately. They've got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one that fits your car. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at ORE Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. Oreillys, your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly, right? Dawson Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam at first I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. Truth is, it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow,

[Jerry Seinfeld]

the 100 and the X Files may

[Adam Carolla]

cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Pluto TV Stream now pay Never.

[Adam Carolla]

I had, well, I had Ricky Nelson's cousin, Mr. Nelson looked exactly like him, by the way, as my gym coach at Walter Reed Junior High.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Garden party song excruciating to listen to. When to garden party, you know what it's about.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had his sons Nelson in here.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Well, they, they, they were a popular group, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Nice guys.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But I feel like I threw you off track of where you were going. I. Massapequa.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I thought it was interesting that all you guys are from Massapequa. So I was going to ask if anyone knew anybody growing up.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No. But Long island is a place not unlike San Diego and outlying areas of la, where you see a lot of talent detritus that had failed to make it and so they moved out. You know, that's why there's so many attractive women in Southern California, because they came here from around the country to be in show business, failed, met somebody, reproduced. Long island is a lot of Manhattan talent that failed or couldn't. And then they reproduce out in Long island and you get a generation of semi talented, some kind of ability. And I would put myself in that category. I had a lot, I had so much love for comedy that I was, I just worked at it like crazy because I loved it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And I think that's how I got good. But I didn't have the gifts that some of the people had that, you know, when I first got into it,

[Adam Carolla]

well, it was kind of interesting. I was at dinner with someone last night. I was sort of talking about some comedians, and I was kind of. He was a lay person, but I was kind of explaining him. Not everyone's that funny and not everyone's that into it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

They just do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I go, there's roofers that aren't that into roofing, you know, but it's a gig. It's a good gig if you can get it. They're sort of. But. And then there are guys like Kimmel. When I go out to dinner with Kimmel, it's like all jokes all the time. It's non stop. Yes. It's like, he's very into comedy, right? And. And when I met him, he was 26 and he would show up to the radio station with piles of newspaper clippings, like, we should talk about this. And then I, like, go to his house. And he made a whole claymation model of all these different characters, like a sitcom. He's like, I was just doing it over the weekend. I was making the saying, it's like, super creative guy who couldn't shut it off. And then there's other comedians where you go, you start floating something and they're like, yeah, I don't know, I don't care. You know what I mean? And you're like, I thought this is what you did. But they're not really. They're just. It's a traitor. It's a trade for them.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. Seth Rogen told me the greatest analogy story for this is he came down from Canada. He was doing standup up there in high school. He's very young, doing pretty well in Vancouver. Came to la, went on at the improv. I said, so what happened to your standup when you went on at the improv? He says, I used to know a guy who wanted to be a boxer. He says, I wanted to be a boxer till I got in the ring with guys that really wanted to be a boxer.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And that's what happened to him when he got to the improv, Right? It's the really want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, but. And there's also a can't shut it off. Like, this is just what you.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Well, I'm not one of those guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't mean in an obnoxious way. I just mean, like, when I was a carpenter, I would sit around the job site And I would just joke around. Like, I was like, what about this? And I could remember all my friends going, shut up. Who cares? You know? Why? Why? And I would just go, I don't know. That's like. I didn't know what I was doing. I was like. I was like a. You know what I was like. I was like. Like Dr. Drew had the. His dogs were like those sheep herder dogs, those little German women.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Border collie.

[Adam Carolla]

Border collie at border collies. Right. But they live in a big house with him in Pasadena and he doesn't own any sheep. But, like, if kids would come into the house, they would start. They would herd the kids. Yeah, they would just herded people into the kitchen. They'd heard they're just doing.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

They didn't know what they were doing. And there was no reason to do it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And there was no reward to do it. They were just doing it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No, there's a reward for them because they live to do it. And I would. I would put myself in that category.

[Adam Carolla]

When I walked into a comedy or

[Jerry Seinfeld]

something in 1975, at the age of 40, 20, I felt at home on Earth for the very first time. I felt like, oh, this is my breed. I'm with my breed. We're Jack Russell's.

[Adam Carolla]

So that is a gift. Like whenever I talk to people and I say to them, what do you want to do? And they go, I don't know. I go, oh, man, do I feel sorry for you.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's tough. But that's life for all humans to find. You gotta find something. And I think you fail when you settle. You fail when you settle. Don't settle.

[Adam Carolla]

But not everyone has ability.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Doesn't matter. You may not have ability, but you have something that you can fall in love with.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

There's always a thing you can fall in love with. And if you're not in love with anything, you haven't looked around enough. And don't go into finance because of that. Did you keep looking?

[Adam Carolla]

What is your process? Do you write every day?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I love to write. I love to work on something on stage, mess with it, and then put it out on a piece of paper and go, where could I go with this that I haven't thought of? What's the. And there's always a line that I don't like, that there's a funnier way to say that, or how do I get into. How do I bring this up?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's something I love to work on. How do you bring this subject up?

[Adam Carolla]

Is the most. And maybe I'm just projecting, but it's the most satisfying part. When you bring something up and people go, yeah, but I've never thought about that, but I know, yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Like, I'm doing a bit now about cemeteries going, why is this thing not full yet?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And everybody goes, they never thought of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And it's really. That's the most fun when you take something that everyone's seen. The cemetery. We know the population is exploding. They don't expand it, they don't open up new ones. Why is there always room?

[Adam Carolla]

They don't put a cemetery.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I can't get in restaurant.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I can't get on that flight. But the cemetery has room. Every human that's ever lived is supposedly in there. There's some funky math here.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right. Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

So that's a satisfying bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No, I And I used to do a bit about when you use a shower in someone else's house and there's a hair on the wall, right. When you find out that everyone on earth has had that experience, it's like you're picking their pocket. Like, I know something that you thought of that you don't know that you've thought of.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's a fun comedy thing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I agree. I enjoy sometimes the nod and the wave of oh, yeah. Even more than the laugh sometimes, which is. I will sometimes do a joke where I go, I'll streamline it. But you can't really make fun of groups or religions or ethnicities or whatever. But there's one group you can still make fun of. Old people. You make old people jokes all you want. We just did it with Biden. Nobody cares if you make old people jokes. And I go, why are we making fun of a group that we all one day hope to enter?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And everyone goes, yeah, that's right. Like, we want to get old. You want to get old. Why that group? No one's ever going to become Armenian like one day, but we're all going to get old. And it's not even. It's not even. I don't do it all the time. I just like the audience when they

[Jerry Seinfeld]

go, oh, the greatest.

[Adam Carolla]

I never thought of that one.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You are in touch with a consciousness of humanity that no other artist can feel. A painter, a musician, a writer, an actor, you can't. You bring them to such an intimate place of your brain and feel exactly what they think of it. Standup comedy is an intense experience. It is a druggie, mind bending life to lead that you get to be in and you get to play this sport your whole life. I really look at athletes, they have to stop when they're in their 30s.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I'm 72.

[Adam Carolla]

Amazing. Oh, yes. And do you even. Sometimes I think back and I go, oh, I was doing that stuff five years ago. I'm a lot better now. Like, I'd be embarrassed if you Even though I wouldn't. I mean, it wouldn't be bad, but I'd still be thinking, oh, I wish you'd seen me last night, not five years ago. Or like, what have you.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Do you know that story, that ok, comedian story where he does two shows at a club, goes back to his hotel, the phone rings, he's a beautiful girl. All right, forget it. Let's talk about my favorite thing of yours, which you probably. I don't even know if you hate talking about it, but you're gonna. I love this bit so much. I don't know where you came up with it. Similarities between rich guys and poor guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Do people request it when you go out?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't do it all the time, but once in a while I'll just. Well, doing rich man, poor man. And people seem to appreciate it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's the greatest. I'll say. I'm gonna. I wanna make you feel good, cuz I made you feel bad at Ren Sport.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I think it's one of the top five greatest pieces of material I have ever heard.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is that?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's brilliant. It works on all these different things. Whoever. It's original. It's brilliant and it explodes your head.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Now showers outside, you both get driven, you both drink brands of alcohol you've never heard of.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll tell you what's fun. First off, there's 10 million. Some work, some don't work, and then some are.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Get rid of the ones that don't work.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, some don't work. And people go, huh? I go, had your bachelor party in Mexico. And they go, what? I go, well, you're either a rich guy who took a private jet with his friends in Puerto Vallarta, or you live in Mexico. And then they go, oh, yeah, people live in Mexico. You know, some are interesting.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

What's your favorite?

[Adam Carolla]

My favorite is knows the going rate for copper.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah, that's a great one.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a good one.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Great one.

[Adam Carolla]

There's another one where I go, how'd

[Jerry Seinfeld]

you think of that one?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll start to. I like. There's ones like, when you leave the stadium, you get a police escort. I'm glad you like it. I'll keep them coming.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

There's another one. There are ones where people go, huh? And then there are ones. The one that makes people sad. I go, has sex with a maid and they go, what? I go, well, you're either Arnold Schwarzenegger or you're her husband. Your husband waiting for Arnold to finish.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

What about the ladder with the wheels? That's a great one, that one.

[Adam Carolla]

That's another one where I go. You use a ladder with wheels and they go, what? And I go, it's either in your mahogany library or you work at a Home Depot. I did that joke a month ago, and the guy in the front row looked at me and he goes, I work at Home Depot. I went, oh, boy. I don't know if we're gonna get around, so.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But copper is your favorite one.

[Adam Carolla]

I like copper.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's the going rate for copper.

[Adam Carolla]

I, like, built a room using reclaimed materials, which is, you know, 100-year-old oak or a pallet in a refrigerator box. It's an LA thing I like. There's weird ones that I never do that I don't. The audience never gets, so I never do them. Like, has. Has had lunch with Bono. Like, people are like, huh? I'm like, well, you're either super rich or you super poor. It's not a middle class thing. Has had sex by a fountain either in the park or there's a fountain in your courtyard. Oh, God. There's weird ones.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Like, so you're still cataloging this list?

[Adam Carolla]

I have a list of 100,000 of them. Like, if somebody. Rich man, poor man. Okay. If somebody asks for you and somebody says, I think he's in his trailer, I'm glad to join. I wish you were there for all these.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

They're great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they kind of keep going. They're kind of fun.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I think I've probably quoted this bit to other people more than any other piece of comedy I've ever heard. Have you ever heard Adam Carolla's Rich Guys? Poor Guys? Really? Yes. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so flattered.

[Alicia Krauss]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Well, I want you to feel good. I made you feel bad, now I want you to feel good.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not. It's really hard to make me feel bad just to. I couldn't.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Well, you felt bad. You were talking about it on other shows. I go, oh, this poor man.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I do. In all, if I'm being very forthright, I'VE always said, seinfeld and I, we should be friends, because this guy loves cars. He loves the right cars. I know. I follow your collection. I know what you have, and I know the good stuff. And versus again, I'm the mopar guy or the guy you know the worst, I go, this guy's NBA guy. He's a big car guy, and he put rims on his Denali, you know? And it's like, that's not really a car guy. It's just a guy with a lot of money who can afford something.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Saying you like cars is like saying you like movies. It tells you nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. So the car thing, I was always like. But I was like, I think Seinfeld and I have similarities in our sense of humor. Like, I watch your stuff and I go, yeah, let's. There's comedians who are great and they sell out arenas and stuff, but you watch them and you go, that's not really my favor. Right, Fine. It's not an indictment.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's a flavor. It's just a flavor.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But when you watch comedians where you sort of go, oh, I kind of get that. Like, I get who that guy is. Well, of course.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's why we have more than one comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But I've always felt between the cars and the sense of humor, so I was like, Seinfeld and I should at least text once a year.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I could start there.

[Adam Carolla]

And if it goes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Well, let's see if it goes. Let's see where it goes from there.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see where it goes from where. So who. I mean, you got into that club at age 20 and you were just like a marlin in the open sea.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Who'd been on the dock the whole time?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Well, it was more like an aquarium that I went, I am never leaving this aquarium. What do I have to do to stay in the aquarium? I am a tropical fish. This is the greatest possible environment. They feed us every day. We got a fake treasure chest. I got a little bridge I could go under.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I love it in here. And I never wanted to leave.

[Adam Carolla]

And I feel like you got onto TV pretty fast.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Four years. Four years from audition night to Johnny Carson. That is quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Did everything change at that point?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Not right away. Cause I wasn't, you know, I was a hookless guy. You know, I was. It was just good stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. But it wasn't get er done or whatever that.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah, yeah. But it was the 80s. The 80s was a great time to be a comedian. The scene was really growing. All of A sudden, there were gigs and you could make money, you know? I mean, the first four years, I worked for free. Zero.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You know, and then I never. You know, it wasn't about money. I just wanted to live.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But part of the reason I got out of carpentry and got into comedy is because I liked cars and I wanted. I drove a truck, Right. And I'm like, I don't want to drive a truck. I want something cool.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And race cars. And racing's expensive, you know? And I was like, I'm not gonna be able to do this swinging a hammer.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So it was. Some of it was sort of pragma. Like, I like this stuff.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I won't be able to afford this stuff. Did you ever think that way? No.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No. I was in love with comedy more than anything else. And when I started making money in the 80s, then I. I realized, hey, I could get a cool car. I think the first cool car I ever got was a saab turbo in 82. I borrowed. The money was 16 grand, and. But that was pretty. A black Saab Turbo with all little wings.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That was cool at that time. And then I got my first Porsche in 87.

[Adam Carolla]

Is the ignition in the transmission hub on that car?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's in between the seats.

[Adam Carolla]

That's just Saab being weird for the sake of being weird. Because the keys would fall in between the seats.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. And the aero, you know, the curved windshield.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's a great company. So much missed.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not making fighter jets anymore.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

You think Saab's completely defunct.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Somebody found a new Saab dealer in rural Massachusetts. I saw on Instagram.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Still there.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And they have some sobs there.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, new, old Saab.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know if they're new, but for some reason, the guy refuses to close up.

[Adam Carolla]

So now I didn't. I always loved comedy, and I would have done comedy for free, and it was always in me. I just knew that one road, the carpentry road, would lead to no cool cars, and the other one was carpentry, and that would lead. Sorry, comedy. That would lead to cars. But I didn't do it for the money.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

I did it because that's what I had to do.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Well, we know that show business is a lucrative field should one succeed.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

We know this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And so speaking of that, the show Seinfeld, it must have been brought up to you before, but I did the math. When you started that show in 89,

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I think 89, July 5th.

[Adam Carolla]

I was doing earthquake rehab work at that time in Koreatown in la. And whenever the beginning of Seinfeld was on, I would see those tension anchor plates, the square plates on the outside of the apartment building.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Oh, yes, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

And I put those plates on for a living. So I would look at those anchor plates and I'd go, this is not in New York. Of course not. This is an earthquake thing, which I don't have in New York. And it took me completely out of it.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah, sorry. We're not flying to New York to get a shot without those plates.

[Adam Carolla]

What about guys to do earthquake rehab?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

We didn't have Photoshop to get rid of them. What do they do those things?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, how do they work? Here's how they work. If you look at those plates, you will see that they're about eight foot apart, meaning first floor, second floor, third floor. That's a floor. That's on the floor. So I would go into your unit. I know how that sounds. I would rip everything apart. And what we would do is we would lag, bolt down continuous plate all the way around the perimeter of that floor. And then we drill a hole with a roto hammer, put all thread out there and put that plate on it and weld it on the inside. So we would tie all the floors to the exterior of the building.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I'm gonna need some more coffee to get through this. I'm fading.

[Adam Carolla]

It's informative. I think the Germans would have liked this retrofit.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You're not the first to mention those things. Yes, and let's move on.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but that's what I used to do when you were starting that Larry David. I ran into Larry's.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

We had dinner last night. Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he's hysterical.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Hysterical.

[Adam Carolla]

I ran into his wife a couple nights ago.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Ashley.

[Adam Carolla]

Ashley was telling me her politics are a lot different than Larry's.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, well, how does that work? Because Larry seems pretty amped up about it. But how do you live with that person?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I think you might. You're married.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Oh, I was. Not anymore.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Oh, not anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

But I know Jimmy Kimmel.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Okay, so you know that in marriage we do have to adjust a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Little bit. That's probably why I'm divorced.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Little. No adjustment.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah. Yeah. So that's how things work. Hopefully.

[Adam Carolla]

And how's dinner? But does Larry get fired up about politics and stuff?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

When you socialize with it, yes, he does. But with Larry, everything is funny. His angle, the Things he notices are funny. And he's just the funniest, most talented guy I've ever met.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. And in a weird way, I don't know. This can be a stupid question, but. But I'm going to ask anyway.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It wouldn't be that different from the other Belichick.

[Adam Carolla]

Belichick had all that success with Brady, right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And then Brady goes off to Tampa and wins a Super Bowl.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And Belichick had to kind of go, like, I kind of wish he just retired.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you have all that success with Larry David and then he goes on

[Jerry Seinfeld]

to do Curb, which is fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

It's fantastic. But does that put you in a little Belichick situation?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I'm not following.

[Adam Carolla]

I know it's stupid. Meaning, like, people go, oh, maybe that was the smart guy behind the science or whatever. I know. But I'm just. It's forming as I'm talking. But I'm not trying to be insulting. We still got our once.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You can't insult me.

[Adam Carolla]

We got our once a year tax.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I've already got the money and the cars, you know. Let's go back, if I may.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

To an obsession of mine, which is Brady winning that super bowl with Tampa Bay his first year out of the Patriots.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Being a show business person born and bred, how do you miss that moment as the greatest retirement opportunity? Probably on a par with Michael Jordan's last shot, winning NBA trophy number six and then going back with the stupid Washington Wizards for two more years. Dude. Dude, that's not how show business works. I saw Tom Brady somewhere one time and we had a conversation and I'm obsessed with that. But he's not in show business. He's an athlete. Anybody in show business would know I just did the impossible. I went to another team and took them all the way my first year. Good night, everybody. You're old anyway. This is not going anywhere. Take that trophy and say, I'm out.

[Adam Carolla]

I know that's show business.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's good show business, but these guys don't care about show business.

[Adam Carolla]

You watch Muhammad Ali fighting Larry Holmes and Larry Holmes is peppering him with jabs, much like your setups and your never ending joke succession. And Larry. Larry Holmes is like his left hand. He's jabbing into Muhammad Ali's face. His right hand, he's signaling to the ref. You want to come in here and just stop this because it's kind of embarrassing. I don't feel good about beating up the greatest of all time.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's so what so, you know, how do you account for that? Like, he's a boxer.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Does that have to do with what I just said?

[Adam Carolla]

You took an athlete who didn't know when to quit.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Well, boxing. Marciano. Is there any boxer that quit, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Marciano, yeah. Rocky Marciano. Is there anybody else undefeated? Well, you can't really say. Yes, Marvin. I'm sorry, I put boxing. Marvin Hagler. Marvin Hagler, lost to Sugar Ray, didn't like it. They offered him a billion dollars for a rematch. He said, fuck it, I'm going to Italy.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

It's not the same as going out, winning. With all due respect to Marvin, who I love.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but you said Tom Brady.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Why didn't he just take perfect exit.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That is unrepeatable. Undoable. It's undoable, right?

[Adam Carolla]

But what I'm saying, he did it

[Jerry Seinfeld]

in the mind he didn't recognize. This is my moment. This is the exit ramp.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm arguing for me now when I say that Muhammad Ali, the greatest of all time, hung out too long too.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's not that big a deal. Because every boxer does that. Every single one. Because they need money. And boxing's a. You know, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not many do. Many do, but not every single one. But I'm just saying athletes are not quite regular people. They have something in them that wants to compete no matter what, and it's hard to tell them to turn it off.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah, everyone has trouble turning it off when they've been successful. You're gonna do this show long past the point you should have quit.

[Adam Carolla]

That's 20 minutes ago, at least.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

All right. Do you have a question for the big finish?

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see, I got. I want to drill down a little more on the process.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Okay. I like my favorite subject.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm doing it. I'm being selfish here. Cause I really want to know, like. Like, do you sit down every day?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Every day. Cuz I love it. Here's what I'll tell you. Take your obsessive compulsive disorder and make it work for you. Make it work for you. Don't let it be a psychological handicap. Make it a psychological advantage. I was up last night at midnight working on material because I didn't do anything the whole day. And I'm not going to sleep without looking at notes and looking at this. There's a couple of lines in this bit about. About weddings. It's a bit about. Remember when you were standing at your wedding wondering, why is my spouse's family celebrating so much?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Getting rid of her yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Why are they. Why do they seem so relieved?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

So I was. I have a couple laughs in there and I go, I think there's more here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And so anyway, but sitting up at midnight when I should be scrolling or watching tv, working on a piece of material, that's an obsessive compulsive inclination. But it's. I'm gonna. Next time I do that bit, it'll be just a little bit better. Ichiro, one of my favorite athletes of all time. Seattle Mariners, Yankees. Brilliant talent, super talent. He says, my goal is to every day just get one inch better. So that if you want to talk about process, I say be obsessive, be compulsive in a productive way.

[Adam Carolla]

What does it translate into? Is it a couple hours a day? Does it translate into a time schedule thing?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah, I like to sit down for at least an hour. Sometimes two, three, if I can do it. Writing stand up is like lifting weights. You can only do so much of it and it will break your brain because it has to be brilliant. It's brilliant or useless. It's not like any other kind of writing, is it?

[Adam Carolla]

Wrong.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You can write. Larry and I could write the TV series all day long. You cannot write stand up all day long. It's a sprint. It's a mental sprint.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it written out in verbatim?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I do. I like. I enjoy words and sentence structure and flow, but when I get on stage, I just let it go.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

But I like to map it out just for exploration. And then on stage, do whatever you want. And you'll obviously. Then you figure out how to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you take things with you on stage? Do you have a buck slip or notes or that kind of thing?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

When I go to little clubs in New York and try out stuff, yeah. I have a piece of paper and I go, what do you think of this? Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

And then once you start touring, I

[Jerry Seinfeld]

would never take out a piece of paper on a real show.

[Adam Carolla]

It, like, insults the audience and me and you.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And is your set one hour when it's done and you're on the road

[Jerry Seinfeld]

and you're playing 1:15. But I try and get off to go back to the Tom Brady point. Let's get off a little sooner than they think I'm going to. Same with the TV series. Let's leave early. I like to leave parties early. Leave people just going, oh, I wish there was a little more of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Is it the same act? Is it a tight and sort of same order?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

No, it's Kind of walking into a grocery store and with a basket and shopping. And I think, I'll go, here. I think I'll take that. I have more than I need, right? And I like doing stuff. And this is something comedians do not do, but I will do. I like taking a bit from the 80s or the 90s. Go, I like that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

And I'll bring it back. Because I like it. I like to do it, and I don't. I'm not one of these comedians that worries about the audience seeing something twice.

[Adam Carolla]

My experience is they either don't know or don't care most of the time.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

If I came to see your show, which I doubt will ever happen, and

[Adam Carolla]

you didn't do Cancel my next question

[Jerry Seinfeld]

and didn't do Rich Guy, Poor Guy, I would be so disappointed.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be 8 out of 10. I have a joke for your wedding thing that I don't do and I never have, but I always thought. But it was funny that I'm not the first to think of this, but the wedding dress is like 3,500 bucks. And the guy rents the tuxedo for 89 bucks. And then anytime the guy says, you're gonna wear this thing, 3500 bucks, you wear it once. Once. They go, no, no, no. Our daughter is going to wear this. Really? Where's your mom's wedding dress? I don't see that anywhere. Because your mom fed the same crap to your dad 28 years ago.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's good. Yeah, you should do that.

[Adam Carolla]

You could do it. I don't do it. I don't do it. I'm not doing any wedding stuff.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

When I start using stuff that Adam Carolla wrote for me, I am out.

[Adam Carolla]

I tell me if you think of this as bad etiquette, but I'm doing something that's really working, really killing now. And it was something I just said off the side. I just comment. Said something. And Leno said, you think? Do you use that joke in your act? And I said, no. He said, could I use it?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

That's pathetic. That sad, sad man.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy knows nothing about cars. He knows nothing about comedy.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

So I said, yeah, go ahead. And then, I don't know. Several years went by. I don't think he used it in his act. I mean, I'd seen him a few times. And then I thought, I started thinking about it, and it's like, I think I'm just gonna use it. Cause it was mine.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

There's no Comedy Police.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's Joe Rogan, but other than that he's the only one that's been deputized. Right, but. All right, so we'll text once a year.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

We'll text once a year and see how it goes.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll see how it goes.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There'll be some probationary period of, let's say, an Olympic season.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

What could we do together, car wise? I'm not interested in the track crap that you do. I don't like going to events. All right, well, I don't know what we could do.

[Adam Carolla]

What could we do?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

By the way, I thought the whole reason I'm here is to see the car. That I didn't. Is the car here?

[Adam Carolla]

It's in a museum in Orange county, for Christ's sake.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Good night.

[Adam Carolla]

We could go over there after the show, Jerry. They'd let us in. Well, what do you like to do? I like to wrench on cars. You probably don't do much ranching.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Here's what I like to do. And I'll do this with you if we could.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

You live in Malibu?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Let's go for a drive. You and your car, Maya and my car. We'll take a nice drive in these beautiful roads. We'll get some coffee, get some breakfast, and we'll just sit.

[Adam Carolla]

We should film it. And you should sell it to Netflix.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Oh, my God. Do you think people would like that?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do it. The great Jerry Seinfeld. And by the way, tour dates you can find at his website, Jerry Seinfeld.com. and you're on the road how often? How many dates you do in a year now?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I don't know, 100, 150?

[Adam Carolla]

Because that's what you do.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we'll take a break. We'll do the news right after this. Simply safe. Well, in the US there's a break in every 26 seconds. And that means right now there's an intruder getting closer. Most security systems only alert you after the break in has already started. And by then, well, it's too late. And that's why I chose Simplisafe to be my security. These guys are the best. I've been with them for a long time. Now, using the outdoor camera Series 2 and advanced AI alerts, SimpliSafe's US based live agents identify threats on your property and help deter them. This stops the crime before it starts. Listen, I live in Psycho LA, so SimpliSafe has given me a lot more peace of mind. And by the way, with everything going on, I do sleep a lot better at night. No one. SimpliSafe has got my back. Am I right, Dawson? We want you to experience the same peace of mind we do, which is why we partnered with Simplisafe to offer an exclusive discount to our listeners. Right now, you can get 50% off your new system by visiting simplisafe.com Adam that's half [e-mail] Adam. There's no safe like Simplisafe. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. The truth isn't. It's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow,

[Adam Carolla]

the 100 and the X Files may

[Jerry Seinfeld]

cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials.

[Adam Carolla]

No credit cards or alien encounters necessary.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Pluto tv Stream now. Pay. Never.

[Adam Carolla]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Hey, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Rico the artist in Seattle. I cannot believe I did not think of this rich man, poor man before you're an unemployed artist. All right, take care, brother. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. Rich man, poor man. Greatest bit ever. So says Seinfeld.

[Alicia Krauss]

I love Dan. Did he say, like, top five? I mean, it's a huge accomplishment.

[Adam Carolla]

Top five can be number one, baby. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying it doesn't mean five and it doesn't mean four. It could mean one.

[Alicia Krauss]

Okay. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. What do you got in the news

[Alicia Krauss]

department, the thing that's giving everybody high blood pressure, not only here in California, but nationwide this week. Will he or won't he? We're speaking of Spencer Pratt. Make it to the November general against Karen Bass. The decision desk over at Fox News has said no. They think it's going to be Nithya Rahman. And the California Post over there is saying that die hard Spencer Pratt supporters are, of course, devastated by a late vote surge as the faith in the election process here in California has faltered.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it always goes this way, so anyone's from here isn't really surprised. Also, you have to figure that Nithya Raman, who's a dope, and Karen Bass is a dope. One's a socialist, the other's kind of a communist, I guess.

[Alicia Krauss]

Not kind of. I think she actually trained with Marxists in Cuba.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's only I Do all this. I love all this stuff where it's like, I'm not into Fidel Castro. I've just been to Cuba 28 times. Like, okay, maybe you're into that. I don't know. I'm not into the Super Bowl. I've just been to the Super Bowl 28 times. Okay, maybe you're into the Super Bowl. So whatever votes Karen Bass didn't get, if Nithya Rahman would have dropped out, she'd just get the dopes that would vote for Nithya Rahman in the runoff anyway. So that would have been tough.

[Alicia Krauss]

The people who vote the D after the name. I don't know though. I was saying for a long time, I think that, that if Spencer had made it through, he, you know, there aren't enough Republicans here for him to win. That's just the way that the math works for us. Like if every single Republican voter in the city of LA got out and voted for him, which they didn't, by the way, which is another rant for another day, then he still wouldn't have won. And he needed to get NPP's, independents and Democrats. And we saw a lot of Democrats in some of the exit polling that I'd seen that went in and voted for Spencer on the mayoral level and then they voted for a Democrat at the gubernatorial level.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh really?

[Alicia Krauss]

And so interesting. I think though, if you'd given Spencer five more months between June and November, he would have won over a lot more voters. Cuz you cannot ignore the crisis that our city is facing.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. I do not think in five months Karen Bass would have debated him. I think she just would have said which clip?

[Alicia Krauss]

Then clip that and make it an ad. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I get it. But I'm saying there's such a super majority and they feel so empowered that they just, just say stuff like, I'm not gonna do that and they'll still get the votes. It's sad. And I was sort of thinking, well, maybe the fires have bottomed us out and the fires would change things. But we still have a lot of dopes in Los Angeles and also in California, because then there's Javier Bacaria as well. Nate Silver has some tweets. The fact that California elections often can't be resolved for weeks is kind of insane and not common in other electoral systems around the world.

[Alicia Krauss]

Fact check. True.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say California's elections are at least consistent with everything else California does.

[Alicia Krauss]

Utter failure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just. It's just kind of a failure.

[Alicia Krauss]

It's just And Democrats like, taking the lead and keeping the lead and making sure that everybody else is locked out of the system.

[Adam Carolla]

It's basically a failure mixed with what are you gonna do about it? I mean, that's kind of how we roll here. We fail and then we go, all right. And they go, you know, you're a failure. And we go, all right, what are you gonna do about it? I don't fire me. I'm not getting fired.

[Alicia Krauss]

I don't wanna lose hope, though. I think that there is stuff that we can do about it. I think that on the federal level, we can start by passing the Saved Act. I think on a local and state level, or state level specifically, we could say, hey, maybe we shouldn't allow ballots to be sent to every single active, quote, unquote, active voter on the voting rolls. Maybe we shouldn't allow ballot harvesting. There's 24 states that do allow it. I don't think it's. I personally. I mean, I have Republican friends that went and ballot harvested for Republican candidates because that's the system and that's the game and we got to play it. And Republicans statistically haven't played it well here in the state or let alone LA county, which I know Roxanne Hogue is working really hard to try to change that, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's Roxanne Hogue?

[Alicia Krauss]

She's the LA County GOP chairwoman. You would love her literally escape Jamaica,

[Adam Carolla]

because I don't think people know.

[Alicia Krauss]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But I will say this. We can argue over id, and we can argue over ballot harvesting and we can argue over sending out ballots to everyone and all this, or we can just go, it's Election Day. You vote, you show your id, and that'll be that. Because the problem. Here's the problem with voting in California. It's not that it's necessarily corrupt, although I'm sure parts of it are, but it enters into question what we're doing, and you can't have that when it comes to voting. So. So the one thing you can't have with voting is, did they really? Or is that just. And I've told people this a million times, but I mean it. It's the problem with all the DEI shit and what we should call affirmative action. The problem isn't that some underprivileged person or some underrepresented person got to Harvard. The real problem is everyone walking around Harvard and seeing, like, a young black chick walking through the quad going, is she really supposed to be here? Or is she just a responsibility which

[Alicia Krauss]

is antithetical to them wanting equality and like earning their way.

[Adam Carolla]

So the problem is the rest of the nation going, is California, is this really on the up and up or is it?

[Alicia Krauss]

And the only reason they're paying attention now, which I'm kind of glad that they are, is because everybody was so interested in Spencer.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Stalin's quote was great. Heard it a few times over the last few days. Those who vote decide nothing. Those who count the vote decide everything. And yes, that is true, which is

[Alicia Krauss]

why we need lawyers and volunteers and paid election employees that are there to like make sure the process is done well. But it does start with changing the actual system. And we've been able to do this like motor voter situation since 2012.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Alicia Krauss]

And it's taken a long time for the rest of the country to realize, oh shit, this is a bad idea. And maybe we should care about this because liberal policies and progressive ideas that are tried and tested here in California end up going to every single red and purple state across the country.

[Adam Carolla]

And the other thing too is it disenfranchises people in the sense that. I'll put it to you this way. We'll go back to the great Jerry Seinfeld who declared me one of the greatest comedians of the 21st century. I don't know if you heard that. Here's a thought experiment. If they said we're having a Super bowl party or we're watching the super bowl and you went, okay, I'll watch the Super Bowl. What day is it? Sunday. What's the start? 3:30. Okay, but we're not gonna know who won the super bowl for like 26 days afterward. I'd go, I don't know if I'm gonna involve myself. I don't think I'm coming to the party. Meaning, do you really wanna vote if you're not gonna find out if your vote counted or the person you voted for until a month later? I think it creates a lot of apathy.

[Alicia Krauss]

It does. And the top two system, which was the idiotic idea of Republicans at the time, also creates apathy because for so long, because Democrats outnumber Republicans by a massive margin. Republicans are like, well, if it's gonna be two Democrats, why would I even vote in June?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alicia Krauss]

And so there's that factor that has a major. And then. And it's just, I think that people kind of. Humans can be very apathetic naturally. Cuz we like the easy way. Well, it turns out it's not easy if you keep voting in idiots that let needles Be at your playground and a person a day OD in MacArthur Park.

[Adam Carolla]

But there's a video from 2010, by the way, with Lawrence O' Donnell talking about Kamala Harris, which should be interesting from 16 years ago. Four weeks after the November 2nd election, California finally has declared a winner in the attorney race. Harris finished so close to her Republican opponent that it took a month to finish counting every vote. She won by less than 1 percentage point.

[Alicia Krauss]

Sorry. Sorry, America. Yeah, 1 percentage point.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we'll never know if she actually won by that much. But then again, you brought it into question because of these tactics. And we need to get back to you, cast a vote. And also, look, everybody, I don't want to hear about COVID I don't want to hear about. Some people live too far away from. Just fucking figure it out.

[Alicia Krauss]

Turns out there's precincts and precinct locations that are typically within the area of which you live.

[Adam Carolla]

There was when I used to live up in the hills in Hollywood. They just had the Oakwood apartment, whatever's down there, and it's set up in someone's garage. And you'd be going down the hill and you just stop in and vote. And then you'd keep driving and. And it's pretty.

[Alicia Krauss]

School auditorium.

[Adam Carolla]

Done it, done it, done it. The church. Done it at the school. Easy to do, works every time. Don't know what they're talking about. But then again, I'm suspicious because the people who are pushing all this stuff all the time are also the people that are winning in this fashion using these techniques.

[Alicia Krauss]

So it makes me suspicious because they spend weeks and weeks and months and months paying operatives to go ballot harvest at nursing homes and high propensity Democratic voters addresses and become friendly and be like, do you need help with your valid. Would you like me to drop off your ballot? I know you're an Invalid. You're an 80 year old woman that once marched with the feminists in San Francisco. So let me take that ballot in for you. Times hundreds of ballots. That's why there's the quote unquote, late drop in ballots for Nithya Raman.

[Adam Carolla]

But Dawson, when I was offending Jerry Seinfeld with my Larry David analogy and Bill Belichick, I feel like that was a legitimate statement. Yeah, I think so.

[Alicia Krauss]

You don't remember now, Dawson, pretend that you aren't paid by Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

And then that when. When you're. When you reach equal heights with someone, you all helped each other and one retires and the other one goes on. Do it again. Come on, Man, Is that what you're talking about? I was saying I think it's a good analogy. I just don't think Jerry has the same mindset you do. Curb your many people, curb your enthusiasm. Being so, so funny and so successful. There should be a little jealousy there, like, oh, okay, couldn't do it. He can still do it without me.

[Alicia Krauss]

But when you're still that fricking rich and that successful and he still goes on tour and he's still producing his own types of shows, he probably doesn't care. I think that that speaks to him being a decent human.

[Adam Carolla]

I just don't think Jerry has a chip on his shoulder at all.

[Alicia Krauss]

That's what I mean. I think that that shows that he's a decent human.

[Adam Carolla]

I still maintain that my Belichick Brady thing was a good analogy. Sure. I don't think Belichick was happy to see Brady win that super bowl without him. And Jerry went with it, man. He was talking about Brady for a while after that, so it wasn't completely lost on him. Yeah, I thought my Muhammad Ali, Larry Holmes analogy was pretty good. Well, let's get this out there virally. And then Jerry could come back because you heard your feelings again. All right, now we're going to go for a romantic drive. He's going to text me pictures of his 934 that. You guys don't even know what a 934 is.

[Alicia Krauss]

I knew what the 911 was.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't know the difference between a 930, a 934, a 934 and a half, and a nine 35. So don't even pretend like you do.

[Alicia Krauss]

I was definitely not going to. You don't know the difference between lipstick, lip balm, and matte.

[Adam Carolla]

I sure as hell know what kissing potion is, and you're about to find out, but I know mercy. All right, what else you got?

[Alicia Krauss]

All right, speaking of potions, Graham Platner apparently is just, like, hypnotized all of the Democratic Party. You aware of who this asshat is?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I do love it when they have to defend people.

[Alicia Krauss]

He's the, quote, unquote, oyster farmer that went to, you know, private prep schools and then said that he joined the military because he wanted to kill people and he likes to masturbate in porta potties and go on websites that groom young boys and girls for sexual work.

[Adam Carolla]

But that guy, Maybe Trump just found this guy and put him in there so that the Democrats would go on tape defending the Nazi who, like to sexual ins, though.

[Alicia Krauss]

Like, really.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the thing that's funny. The Democrats are always talking about being holier than thou when it comes to morality. Right? And then at some point, the guy with the Nazi tattoo comes into the picture and they go, I don't care. We need to win.

[Alicia Krauss]

Don't believe all women anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alicia Krauss]

Forget about me, too.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing that's funny is 10 minutes ago, they all went nuts because of Elon Musk in his Nazi salute, which wasn't even a Nazi salute, but these guys made a big deal about Elon holding his hand out.

[Alicia Krauss]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And now they have a guy with an actual Nazi tattoo.

[Alicia Krauss]

Five minutes ago, they were telling us that it was okay to punch a Nazi if they Nazi was what they said a Nazi was.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alicia Krauss]

And now that there's a real Nazi in front of him, gotta defend him. Cause he has a D after his name.

[Adam Carolla]

The part. Here's the part where Grant Platner's lying, which is most of it, I would say. The part where he's lying is he didn't know what the tattoo was. Cause that's kind of clinically insane to get a prominent, large tattoo on your chest and then later claim you had no idea what it was. And also, I tend to believe his girlfriend, when his girlfriend said, oh, he knew what it was he would talk about all the time.

[Alicia Krauss]

Who was a very close friend of mine for almost 20 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Alicia Krauss]

He 100% knew what it was. There's a majority of countries in Europe where you cannot get that tattoo. Cause all of Europe knows what the tattoo means.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alicia Krauss]

So he had to go to a very special spot to get the Nazi tattoo. And he didn't think like, huh, huh. Wonder what this could be. Why is everybody so offended by it?

[Adam Carolla]

I would say not knowing what it was means there's something wrong with it. Like, if they legitimately went, I have no idea. You just got this huge tattoo on your titty, and you've had it for 18 years, and you've never looked into what it was you didn't want to do.

[Alicia Krauss]

Things are disqualifying for him to be running for office.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you get into what I like to play the game of stupid or liar. You're either stupid or you're lying, but they should both be disqualifying. It's sort of insulting to say you didn't know what it was. What you have to say is some version of it, which is some version of, I kind of knew what it was, but I didn't really Know what it was? Remember when Karen Bass was reeling because Fidel Castro had died, and she put out a tweet going, call him a good statesman or something, the cafe and the commandante, and all this kind of stuff. And then someone went to her, like, you do kind of understand that guy was a horrible, oppressive leader. And she's like, I didn't really know what people thought of him, which is weird, but at least that was her thing. He should have said, I knew this was something from World War II, and I knew it wasn't on the Allied side, but I didn't know it was a Nazi prison guard tattoo. I just thought it was cool.

[Alicia Krauss]

It wasn't on the Allied side, so it was the Japanese or the Nazis, something.

[Adam Carolla]

Could have been the Italians.

[Alicia Krauss]

Well, from Ro Khanna to Hakeem Jeffries, I mean, pretty much every Democrat except John Fetterman, God bless that guy. Are backing this asshat, Ro Khanna.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what saddens me? Everyone from California is a fucking dumb shit. Everyone. Ro Khanna is dumb. Loot Lou, Ted Lieu is dumb. I mean, all these guys are fucking dumb. Even in the minorities that are normally smart, we breed them dumb here. It's not that many dumb Indian guys, and there's not that Vivek Ramaswamy is a super smart guy. We. We. And we get Ro Khanna.

[Alicia Krauss]

If I were Vivek or any other of my, like, like, Indian friends, I'd be like, hey, you're. You're making us look bad. It's kind of like when there's a bad woman driver, and my husband's like, ugh, it's a woman driver. And then I pass her and she's being dumb and putting on her fake lashes and texting. Cause I'm like, you are making other women look bad.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, let's listen to Hakeem, who's dumb.

[Alicia Krauss]

But with Maine's Senate seat up for grabs, the standard does not seem to apply. Now listen to this.

[Adam Carolla]

So far, everything that has come out matter between Graham Platner and his wife. Where I draw the line is if there are any credible allegations of abuse or assault or domestic violence.

[Alicia Krauss]

But the New York Times interviewed three women who accused Platner of physical intimidation and abusive behavior, including ex girlfriend Lindsay Fife.

[Adam Carolla]

Quote, she said he regularly grabbed her

[Alicia Krauss]

by the shoulders, sometimes hard enough to leave marks, and on one occasion, yanked her out of a cab by her wrist after an argument when she wanted to stay in the car. During one argument, she recalled, he twisted her arm behind her back, shoved her

[Jerry Seinfeld]

into a bedroom and held the door

[Alicia Krauss]

closed from the other side so she couldn't get out, telling her to remain there until she was calm. Eventually, Ms. Fifield said she fell asleep and left the next morning. That sounds like domestic abuse to me. Textbook domestic abuse. What happened to believe all women?

[Jerry Seinfeld]

I haven't followed these allegations closely, but

[Adam Carolla]

what I have said is that violence

[Jerry Seinfeld]

against women in any way, shape or form is unacceptable. It's a red line, and nobody should cross that.

[Adam Carolla]

And any accuser who comes forward has to be treated, treated with dignity and respect. I haven't talked to Ro Khanna about

[Jerry Seinfeld]

this particular race, and in fact, I

[Adam Carolla]

haven't gotten involved in this particular race because we're focused on taking back control

[Jerry Seinfeld]

of the House of Representatives so we

[Adam Carolla]

can lower the high cost of living deposit. I do love the. I haven't been paying attention. You guys had a conniption when Trump was trying to build a ballroom through donations.

[Alicia Krauss]

And the UFC fight, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you guys went all nuts in a reflecting pot. You guys went nuts about everything all the time. And you're expert architects and everything, but this one don't really know what's going on in that department. I want to see the Graham Platner. Listen, I don't care if he roughed up his girlfriend.

[Alicia Krauss]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Because, you know, I'm sorry, but hands on the shoulders kind of stuff.

[Alicia Krauss]

I don't know, yanking somebody out of a cab first.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, locking them in a room. Graham Platner really just sounds like an alcoholic to me. All this stuff. So that's.

[Alicia Krauss]

He's like, well, you know, I was just drunk and these people are Republican operatives trying to get me.

[Adam Carolla]

All this stuff is really. I was drunk. Like, I got the tattoo, I got

[Alicia Krauss]

the what about the 30 women he was sexting in the less than the last year. And like the pedophilic website that he's on and all the Reddit comments about, like, masturbating in public spaces.

[Adam Carolla]

I think a lot of it, it is alcoholic behavior. Like, in a weird way, like, I don't know, I guess it's sort of like Hunter Biden. Like, were you a sex addict? Were you just an addict? How much of this was when you were high?

[Alicia Krauss]

But all of the above can be true and it's still morally and ethically wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

It's disqualifying.

[Alicia Krauss]

Disqualifying.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. I'm just saying this feels all alcohol fueled. He seemed like an alcoholic and then did things that are disqualified qualifying. But the clip, I think I Was showing you this clip. My word salad clip. This is the most horrific clip ever. It's him talking about what he wants to do. Now. Here's the thing. The Democrats are like, we need a dude. We need a dude with a truck. We need a dude with a car. Carhartt, Cohart. Carhartt. Carhartt. Carhartt Jackson. We need a dude with a beard. We need a dude with some tats. Not those tats. We need a dude who's in the military. Like, we need a dude. That's our version of a dude. But listen, he's doing word salad. Kamala Harris here. There's no difference between what this dude, quote unquote, is saying and what Kamala Harris would have said six or year and a half ago. Just listen to him in one of those moments of crisis now, and we are going to win. Combing the stitch, make sure it's stuck on. And when we have won, when we have beaten back fascism, when we've saved democracy, when we've saved freedom. Freedom.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

This time it needs to be a

[Adam Carolla]

different kind of freedom. Freedom, all right? Not merely a romantic freedom of individual rights, but a freedom that is real, that is material. Huh? The freedom to have time, to have energy, to not be defined by fear and anxiety. The freedom to take risks. Hold on. This guy sounds like some dumb chick from.

[Alicia Krauss]

He sounds like rock.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds like aoc. The freedom to take risk. The freedom of time, freedom of energy. So I guess he's talking about insure or something. What is he talking about? It gets worse. The freedom to whack off in a porta potty. That's freedom. All right, let's listen. To have energy, to not be defined by fear and anxiety. The freedom to take risks, start a business, make art, make music, fall in love and raise a family. The freedom.

[Alicia Krauss]

Fall in love.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, to live lives defined not by struggle and scraping by, but of dignity.

[Alicia Krauss]

Sexed random women.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Freedom to play music, to do art right off.

[Alicia Krauss]

Also, isn't the individual freedom, like, it encapsulates all of that,

[Adam Carolla]

Right? I would like less government, thus more freedom. I don't want the government deciding how much time I had for freedom. So if you took that and you just put that word salad into AOC's mouth, you'd go, well, what's the difference? That's word salad, chick think right there. But they got it coming out of a guy, looks like a lumberjack. And I think that that's what they're. That's the attempt. Now this guy's a dude.

[Alicia Krauss]

Well, they knew that Tim Walls wasn't enough of a dude, so they went even more dude.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

They went super dude. But he's saying the exact same. First off, I don't know what he's saying. Do you know what he's saying?

[Alicia Krauss]

I don't understand it.

[Adam Carolla]

The freedom not to live in fear.

[Alicia Krauss]

It's like when a high school senior's trying to add words to a paper to hit the minimum.

[Adam Carolla]

The freedom to love, the freedom to create art, the freedom to have time. The freedom to talk about freedom. I didn't know what he. But that's my whole thing. I want to hear about taxes and potholes and spending and deficits and stuff like that, not freedom.

[Alicia Krauss]

So he's done the other thing that progressives these days do, the attacks on him. If they're not Republican operative attacks, they're cuz of the Jews. So he's saying that AIPAC is spending too much money on his race, and Susan Collins and John Fetterman are only in the Senate because of the Benjamin Netanyahu, which sounds like something that would come from a guy with a Nazi tattoo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, so Putin ran Trump his first term, and now Netanyahu runs Trump his second term.

[Alicia Krauss]

Interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

That seems to be the shift. Right. Because it was all Putin the first term, and now we have to have someone to run Trump.

[Alicia Krauss]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So we tried Putin for four years, didn't really shake out, and now we have Netanyahu. Okay, okay.

[Alicia Krauss]

Big boogeymans have changed. All right. Speaking of Trump, are you gonna watch the UFC fight at the White House?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm working on it.

[Alicia Krauss]

You're working on it? Oh, I didn't mean literally. You actually might be there.

[Adam Carolla]

I might.

[Alicia Krauss]

That's fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm gonna try to figure that one out.

[Alicia Krauss]

That'd be super duper fun. I think I'd try to be there if I wasn't at a family wedding this weekend, but now there's a lawsuit that's aiming to fight it, so maybe you should hold off on buying that ticket in the ring.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good. Yeah. I don't know. Why can't we just have stuff and do stuff? Does that really be a lawsuit?

[Alicia Krauss]

Can't we have dumb and fun things to happen? And the people that are like npr, cnn, Politico, Axios, they're like, this is unprecedented. And Trump often uses sports for political gain.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I love that.

[Alicia Krauss]

Did you guys never know that Teddy Roosevelt would throw, like, drunken, like, boxing balls in the White House?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he built a ring.

[Alicia Krauss]

He literally built a ring.

[Adam Carolla]

But See, here's what I'm saying. I know you guys hate Trump, and I know it doesn't matter. Whatever Trump does, you're gonna attack him. When you do that over nothing burgers, it makes you look insincere, and it makes me question the other things you question Trump about, which may be sincere. So when you make a big deal out of the ballroom or big deal out of the reflecting pond or a big deal out of UFC fights, I'm like, okay, now you're just crying about Trump. Figure out something legitimate, and there's legitimate stuff you could bring up. You know, it's always funny. I love when they do, like, a gotcha thing. Like, there was this split thing, a picture, and it showed Trump's ballroom under construction, and then it showed the UFC ring being built, and then it was like, under Barack Obama. It's a beautiful lawn. It's like, I wrote back, you could walk into anyone's house in the middle of a bedroom remodel, take a picture of it while the walls were torn down and the plywood was up, and go, look at this. And this is what it looked like when I lived here.

[Alicia Krauss]

You should have tweeted back pictures of the Obama compound and Waimanalo in which they destroyed the MAGN PI house.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the Magnum PI house.

[Alicia Krauss]

Yeah. To build their little mini there.

[Adam Carolla]

You taking a picture of the demolition portion of a construction job and calling it a gotcha moment is fucking retarded. That just doesn't. That doesn't mean anything. Every single construction job, they tear down the old stuff. They form it, they pour it, they dig it. Yes. When they build the original Twin Towers, at one point, just two holes in the ground. And then when they built the Freedom Tower, at some point, it was just one hole in the ground. You could say that about any project ever. So it's insane that you treat that. And yes, it's a gotcha moment. Yes. There's cranes and bulldozers and skip loaders. They're building something.

[Alicia Krauss]

Well, to them, that. Building things bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Alicia Krauss]

Letting things burn, apparently. Good.

[Adam Carolla]

They hate building things.

[Alicia Krauss]

Must reelect the people who do the burning and not the building.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right, one more.

[Alicia Krauss]

This is a little more pop culture Y for us. Are you a fan? Are you a swifty?

[Adam Carolla]

I get it, but I don't. Look, she works hard, she pays a lot of taxes, she creates a lot of jobs. I'm always on the side of the job creators.

[Alicia Krauss]

Okay, I can understand that. I don't dislike her. I just don't like that it's almost like the Beehive, like the Beyonce people. It's like you could never say that Beyonce might have had a bad album, her attempt at country, because then they come after you. It's kind of like, all right, there's some Taylor Swift songs I like, there's some I don't. Well, now, guess how many people they're gonna invite to their soon to be nuptials. Her and Travis Kelce.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I think I heard this. 1000.

[Alicia Krauss]

Isn't that insane?

[Adam Carolla]

It is. But on the other hand, let's really break it down. You went on tour with her for a year.

[Alicia Krauss]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're the roadie or you're the guitar tech, or you're the guy who's setting up the lighting grid or something. And you found out that the backup singers all got to go, but they kind of cut it off at you. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, they're so deep. Yeah, it goes so deep.

[Alicia Krauss]

Plus in the celebrities and then the celebrity, like significant others at the time and maybe their kids and the nanny

[Adam Carolla]

and it's like all those people, it just keeps going. There's, you know, Travis has everyone on his football team, every coach. And by the way, that's not just 32 guys on a roster or whatever it is. That's trainers. Who's. The guy's taping his ankles every game. You know what I mean? Just like giving him the ice bath after giving him. He's just talking, taping his ankles. That guy doesn't go. But the assistant coaches. That's a good point.

[Alicia Krauss]

I hadn't thought about that. It is kind of interesting, though. It's like the antithesis to like a don't take pictures and hide from the public celebrity wedding. And I think I can like, kind of appreciate that they're gonna do. I think that marriage and wedding should be celebrated. But I cannot understand. I lived in New York City for seven years. I worked at Tupen Plaza. Plaza right above, like MSG. I showed my 12 year old, who is a swifty, a picture of MSG. And she was like, are they gonna spend like $10 million to make it look pretty inside? Cause I mean, that's the exterior. You can't help that. That's the city of la. And mom, Donnie wouldn't let you do anything even if you tried City in New York. I' of New York. But then inside, are you gonna drape? How many flowers are you gonna have? It's a huge facility, so to only have a thousand people in there. I Don't know how you're gonna make it look pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll bet they figured out money's no object. And I don't know, thousand people is a lot of people. I think one person like ODs in the bathroom or something. Oh, my God. I'm not saying they would would. I'm just saying thousand people. It's a lot of people.

[Alicia Krauss]

There's gonna be so many celebrities there.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Alicia Krauss]

It's gonna be like crazier than March Madness all around with all the fans and all of the paparazzi and the security. It's gonna be like, man, I lived there in 2004 when the RS, the RNC was at MSG, and it was like the. The security perimeter was like three blocks out.

[Adam Carolla]

Hmm.

[Alicia Krauss]

It'll be very interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

There's gonna be a lot of security. All right, this Friday, Oklahoma City, Bricktown Comedy Club. Two shows there. And then Saturday, Tulsa Rudy's gonna be with me. Bricktown Comedy Club. And then Saturday, June 20, gonna be in Santa Ana at the Jordan Family Classic Cars. You can see that 9:35 over there. Gonna show some of that Kroc doc. Go tomcorl.com for all the live show. Carson City coming up June 27th. Two shows at the Nugget. Andrew's gonna be with me there. Seinfeld, Jerry. Seinfeld.com is where you go for all the live stuff. Alicia, what do we got for you?

[Alicia Krauss]

Oh, just the usual. Cnn, Fox News, social.

[Adam Carolla]

So till next time, Adam Crow from Alicia Krause and Jerry Seinfeld saying mahalo. Leave us a voicemail at 886-341-744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla at AdamCarolla.com. Podcasting isn't just about talking. It's about growing, engaging and monetizing. And that's where Podcast One Pro comes in. Whether you're an independent creator or a major brand, Podcast One Pro gives you the tools you need to take your podcast to the next level. We're talking about premium hosting, advanced analytics, dynamic ad integration, and expert distribution. All designed to maximize your reach and revenue. Plus, with access to Podcast One's industry leading network, you'll be connected to top tier advertisers and a massive audience. It's time to go pro and turn your passion into profit. Visit podcastonepro.com to get started today. Podcast One Pro. The power behind the podcast. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. Truth is, it's just so Beautiful on Pluto TV.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow,

[Adam Carolla]

the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary.

[Jerry Seinfeld]

Pluto TV Stream now. Pay. Never.