Schmoes Know + Dennis Prager (Carolla Classics)

Summary

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The Adam Carolla Show – Schmoes Know + Dennis Prager (Carolla Classics)

Date: July 10, 2026 | Featured Guests: Christian Harloff, Mark Ellis, Dennis Prager, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode revisits two standout segments: an in-studio appearance by film reviewers Schmoes Know (Christian Harloff and Mark Ellis, originally from 2012), and a deep-dive, thought-provoking conversation with radio host and author Dennis Prager. Adam, joined by Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop, mixes his signature humor and banter with insights on pop culture, movies, social trends, education, and American values. The episode embodies the show at its best—irreverent, opinionated, and surprisingly reflective.

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Key Highlights & Discussion Points

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I. Banter, Ringtones, and Rants (01:53–04:00)

• Early segments set the casual, humorous tone. Adam and co-hosts riff on "familiar strangers," ringtone trends, and the comic absurdity of everyday language.
  • Brian Bishop: “Do not need the mysterious in front of stranger. It’s just a waste of my time.” (02:46)
  • Allison Rosen: “Stranger I’ve been dating for 14 years.” (02:52)

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II. Divisive Movie Opinions: "Drive" & Film Critique (04:00–07:00)

• The crew dives into hot takes on the movie Drive. Adam, Brian, and Allison debate its artistic merit and public reception.
  • Brian Bishop: “It has all the makings of a good film... but it never takes that turn, never takes that twist.” (05:45)
  • Mark Ellis: “Listening to you guys talk about Drive is like listening to two guys talk about a Picasso and say, ‘His nose is on the wrong side of his face.’” (07:11)

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III. Adam’s Audiobook, Egg Riffs & 1970s Nostalgia (09:00–19:00)

• Adam shares a humorous excerpt from his audiobook, going on a classic tangent about egg preparations, kitchen gadgets, and old-school breakfast rituals.
  • Adam Carolla: “There’s nothing worse than going to breakfast with a guy who has a funky egg order.” (10:06)
  • Allison Rosen & Brian Bishop: Debate egg prep nuances (“over medium,” “over hard,” etc.), with Mark Ellis sheepishly revealing his preference.
  • Tangents on novelty 70s household items—giant ashtrays, nutcrackers, corn prongs—paint a comedic picture of American domestic life circa 1975.

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IV. DIY Tips: Showers & Suction Cup Failures (19:53–24:31)

• Adam delivers unsolicited but hilarious life hacks on showering (“I don’t use soap, just rinse off”), anti-product clutter, and the failures of suction-based bathroom organizers.
  • Adam Carolla: “Show me someone who spends 20 minutes in the shower—I’ll show you a loser.” (19:53)
  • The group laughs over failed suction-cup devices and the superiority of industrial glass-handling suction cups.

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V. Callers & Everyday Gripes (26:25–34:00)

Best Segment: The Urinal Debate

• Jason from Denver admits to not flushing urinals—spurring an epic Adam rant about bathroom etiquette.
  • Adam Carolla: “Great story. I want you guys hunted down and killed under my regime.” (26:44)
  • Jason: “It’s the splashback! I don’t want that splashback myself.” (27:43)
• Adam quizzes Jason on woodworking (“What’s the difference between a rabbit and a dado?”), leading to playful calls of bluff.
• Another caller, Sean, asks about therapy. Adam and Allison discuss its benefits—comparing it to taking a multivitamin or going to the gym for your brain.
  • Adam: “Nobody’s life is going to be hurt by a personal trainer or a multivitamin—or by therapy.” (36:12)
  • Allison Rosen: “If you’re interested, you will get something out of it.” (36:20)

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VI. Societal Stigma & Political Taboo Around Therapy (36:12–43:14)

• Adam and Allison analyze why therapy, though less taboo now (especially in LA/NY “Jewy” circles), remains politically sensitive.
  • Adam Carolla: “If this country was run the way it should be, people would talk about therapy. I’d love for Barack Obama to say, ‘Yeah, I talk to a guy once a week…’” (38:00)
  • Compare shifting taboos: therapy, gay rights, and marijuana legalization.

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VII. “Gay Walking” Game Show (43:55–54:00)

• Former board op Bill Mahoney conducts a “Gay Walking” segment (a twist on “Jaywalking”).
• Guests (and hosts) guess if gay men in a club can answer basic “straight” trivia—Super Bowl champs, Kenny Chesney songs, UFC acronyms.
  • Brian Bishop: Funny play-by-play and scoring (“Perfect, and Brian’s just down one…” 52:50)
  • Memorable moment when “Julianne Moore” is guessed as a Tango & Cash actor.

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VIII. The Schmoes Know: 2012 Summer Blockbuster Preview (56:19–75:00)

Major Films Discussed

• Prometheus: Discussion of its delayed-gratification approach, Ridley Scott’s return, and how modern prequels look more advanced than originals.

  • Christian Harloff: “The special effects have gotten a lot better since 1979. Now you gotta make it look older.” (57:19)

• Alien/Aliens Series Comparison:

  • Alien as “cinematic foreplay,” Aliens as “a porno” (great analogies).
  • Adam Carolla: “Sex is better if you do some foreplay. Alien was tantric, the whole movie.” (57:38)

• Drive (again): Schmoes split the vote. Christian loved it; Mark and Adam found it style-over-substance.

  • Christian Harloff: “Don’t tease me and make me think I’m getting an action film, when it’s an art house film.” (61:55)
  • Brian Bishop: “People aren’t going to a museum 50 years from now to see Drive again.” (62:53)

• The Amazing Spider-Man:

  • Lukewarm buzz discussed, compared to Avengers and Dark Knight Rises.
  • Mark Ellis: “No boner for Spider-Man.” (63:46–63:49)
  • Christian Harloff: “I think they're taking the more kind of Nolan approach.” (63:26)

• Total Recall Remake: Pros and cons of faithful vs. radical reboots; lamenting the absence of “three-titted women.”

  • Christian Harloff: “It’s more based on Philip K. Dick’s short story, but no Mars, no three-titted women.” (67:04)
  • Adam Carolla: “You don’t remake this... This is a great song.” (68:40, referencing Turn The Beat Around analogy)

• Moonrise Kingdom/Wes Anderson:

  • Debate over “quirky comedies” and Anderson’s polarizing style.
  • Mark Ellis: “Quirkity. Too quirky. Adam came up with the term.” (70:46)

1980s & Action Movie Tangents

• Car stunts, pre-CGI chase scenes (“Chips”), and continuity errors (beer levels, hair, extra “acting face”).
  • Adam Carolla: “Use your TiVo wisely. You can see preexisting skid marks as he's driving up to it—take four, they didn’t quite land it the first three times...” (74:07)
  • Christian Harloff: “…I hate shitty extras—overdo it like they get this shot.” (75:22)

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IX. The News with Allison Rosen (78:31–90:43)

Notable Stories

• Florida un-bans "Fifty Shades of Grey":
  • Adam scoffs at censorship and the book’s hype, discussing men’s and women’s erotica tastes.
  • “Reading about hot scenes is like reading about UFC fight highlights. I gotta see some footage.” (80:56)
• ALF Movie in the Works:
  • Comic improv with Mark as ALF (“That’s a nice pussy you got there!” 86:32)
  • Adam: “By the way, I need to fuck your mouth later...” (86:35)
• Oreo Inventor Dies:
  • Hot takes on overrated cookies and schoolyard horror stories about Oreo filling.
  • Group agrees: “Petridge Farm makes everything better.”

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X. Closing and Product Plugs (90:49–end)

• Gifts (“man grate”), upcoming events, and praise for Allison’s live UCB show.
• Closing shout-outs and reminders to support the Schmoes Know on YouTube.

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Dennis Prager Segment: Values, Politics, and American Culture (95:12–End)

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I. Taxes, Hypocrisy, and Hollywood (96:09–103:32)

• Adam and Dennis skewer Hollywood’s love of high taxes (in theory) vs. tax avoidance (in practice).
  • Dennis Prager: “High taxes are great—except for us.” (100:50)
  • Film industry migration stories: Breaking Bad (shot in New Mexico for tax breaks, not Riverside, CA), Battlefield LA shot in Louisiana.

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II. The Purpose of Therapy, Hobbies, and Self-Maintenance (105:07–115:53)

• Adam and Dennis analogize therapy to working out, explain the importance of hobbies (real vs. digital), and reminisce about childhood boredom as a creative engine.
  • Dennis Prager: “There’s all the difference in the world between entertaining yourself and being entertained by others.” (114:28)
  • “If I’m bored, you’re not bored, you’re boring.” (117:30)

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III. Discussion of Race, Family Values, and the American Dream (116:56–144:27)

• Adam’s classic riff: Diverse high school, all things being equal, outcomes depended on family and parental involvement—not race or money.
  • Adam Carolla: “Is it the school? No. The folks that studied the hardest, with parents that stayed intact, ended up going to Stanford and UCLA.” (110:19)
  • Prager’s recipe for life: “Graduate high school, get married, have a baby after marriage, have a job.” (112:27)
• Race & crime: Honest but controversial takes on black-on-black crime, societal explanations, and the limits of political correctness.
  • Dennis Prager: “It’s a tragic fact that blacks are disproportionately involved in violent crime in the U.S.… Denying it helps no one.” (124:20)
• The “Nanny State”:
  • Satirizes mandatory background checks for little league coaches, safetyism, and overregulation.
  • “Show me a country with no risk—I’ll show you solitary confinement.” (134:56)

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IV. Smoking, Public Health, and Zealotry (147:33–153:11)

• Adam and Dennis rant about anti-smoking laws as overreach and symbolic of encroaching paternalism.
  • Dennis Prager: “The anti-smoking zealots are among the most dangerous people in the U.S. outside of criminals.” (147:33)

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V. Diversity, Meritocracy, and Television (142:21–144:56)

• Critique of mandatory diversity training; celebration of merit over identity.
  • Adam Carolla: “All the white males had been cut from [Celebrity Apprentice], and nobody blinked—because the best people won.” (143:34)
  • Prager: “I celebrate people, not the group they’re in. That’s so un-American to think the group way.” (144:27)

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Notable Quotes

• "Show me someone who spends 20 minutes in the shower—I’ll show you a loser." – Adam Carolla (19:53)
• “You’re not bored, you’re boring.” – Dennis Prager (117:30)
• “High taxes are great—except for us.” – Dennis Prager (100:50)
• “People aren’t going to a museum 50 years from now to see Drive again.” – Brian Bishop (62:53)
• “I celebrate people, not the group they’re in. That’s so un-American.” – Dennis Prager (144:27)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Time | Segment Topic | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:53 | Familiar Stranger / Banter | | 04:00 | Movie Debate: "Drive" | | 09:00 | Audiobook Excerpt: Egg Tangents | | 19:53 | Shower Habits & Suction Cup Rant | | 26:25 | Callers: Bathroom Etiquette & DIY Tips | | 36:12 | Therapy, Stigma, and Multivitamins | | 43:55 | “Gay Walking” Trivia Game | | 56:19 | Schmoes Know Movie Preview | | 78:31 | Allison’s News: Fifty Shades, ALF, Oreos | | 95:12 | Dennis Prager: Taxes, Therapy, Race, Values, Smoking Rant | | 134:33 | Nostalgia: Diving Boards & Childhood Freedoms | | 147:33 | Smoking Zealotry, Nanny State | | 142:21 | Diversity, Meritocracy, & Reality TV |

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Final Thoughts

Episode encapsulates the full Adam Carolla experience: rapid-fire jokes and tangents, impassioned debates on pop culture and social issues, open discourse on therapy and life’s purpose, and a fearless willingness to challenge norms—whether it’s about eggs, movies, or the state of American society.

If you crave a blend of humor, cultural hot takes, and deep-dive philosophy, this episode—featuring the witty Schmoes Know and the always-provocative Dennis Prager—is not to be missed.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

body connection and find a trusted provider near you.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm Kiana and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted.

[Christian Harloff]

Start your free [e-mail].

[Brian Bishop]

Welcome to Cruel Classics.

[Christian Harloff]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like

[Christian Harloff]

the clips from all 17 years of

[Brian Bishop]

the Adam Carolla show.

[Christian Harloff]

If you'd like to access the archive

[Brian Bishop]

of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam

[Christian Harloff]

and Dr. Drew show, as well as

[Brian Bishop]

the newer podcast Beat it Out, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's substack

[Christian Harloff]

adamcorla.substack.com Sign up, subscribe, listen, ad free

[Brian Bishop]

and if you'd like a quest to clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com now on to the clips.

[Christian Harloff]

Come up first.

[Brian Bishop]

Today we have Adam Kurolla show episode 837 with the Schmoes nose guys in the studio along with Allison Rosen Brian Bishop from 2012. Check it out. Welcome to the show. Good to see you. Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you.

[Brian Bishop]

Bull Brian. I love you mom. You're only African. Tell new ringtone. Move over. It's just a waste of my time

[Mark Ellis]

for one specific person who calls. But yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And I do like yeah, thank you. I do like all you who've been getting sunnies. It's just a waste of my time ringtone because it's nice. Shows you're in the club and it's a way to hook up at a bar. You know, rings, beautiful, stranger down the bar, mysterious. And by the way, I don't need mysterious in front of stranger. I already got stranger. Know what I mean? What stranger I know a shitload about. They're all mysterious to me.

[Allison Rosen]

Familiar, stranger.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Familiar.

[Brian Bishop]

Stranger.

[Mark Ellis]

Sounds like a Phil Collins album.

[Brian Bishop]

Stranger whose dossier I've studied very closely. Like, you're a stranger. They're all mysterious.

[Allison Rosen]

Stranger I've been dating for 14 years.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Stranger I went to high school with and then a couple semesters of college. Like, yeah, stranger on the same roof. Do not need the mysterious in front of stranger. It's just a waste of my time.

[Mark Ellis]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. It's a waste of my time. Thank you for that. Irvine Improv. Coming up this Thursday, June 7, Will Durst on stage with us. Will Durst, one of these guys where I don't know him real well, but I assume he's very bright. I think he's one of these smart people, smart comedians. You guys know?

[Mark Ellis]

I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't. But I know the name and it sounds smart.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. Nice. Yes, Anding.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't wait to meet him.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. And also, I'll tell you all about the trash.

[Mark Ellis]

Wait a minute. Yes, Anding. What are you supposed to do, like. Yep, met him several times. Great guy.

[Allison Rosen]

I was being sincere.

[Brian Bishop]

I was being sincere for once.

[Mark Ellis]

Oh, thanks, bud.

[Allison Rosen]

Accept the compliment, Brian. You're worth it.

[Brian Bishop]

I was with Allison, but actually. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, thanks.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll get all into the track and Sonoma and the vintage race and all that. I'll get into that tomorrow, fill you guys all in on that. The schmoes. No guys are coming on. We're gonna talk about the movie blockbusters and all the summer stuff that's coming out. I want to ask them about Drive, too. Boy, I gotta say, never as a nation been more divided. I get 92.

[Mark Ellis]

Eight.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. No. Are you fucking nuts? Hold on a second. First off, are you fucking nuts? I gotta say, I get tweeted. I get for every one. What are you talking about, Ace, man, I just saw Drive. It was awesome. I get at least four and a half. You were right. That sucked. I shouldn't have seen it.

[Allison Rosen]

That's like Ratio saw it.

[Brian Bishop]

He said I went in with really, really low expectations, hoping that if I went in with expectations low enough, it would exceed them and I would enjoy that time spent fucking piece of Shit. Now what was wrong with the movie, Dawson? Well, the first thing that I didn't like is when he got those two safely to that place, it wasn't resolved. He gets up out of the car and takes off and you're like, wait a minute was the deal. He drops him off at Staples and leaves. Why did he live in what I would call subsidized housing when he had three well paying jobs, wheelman, stuntman and you know, part time thief or whatever, the race car driver, whatever you have. Why did he live in a slum? And why did the white chick who lived next to him live in the slum with them? And then what was their relationship? And why did he get a mask out and what the fuck was going on? That's my main question. And you know in reality, when you realize that your neighbors, that your neighbor is a hot blonde and that her boyfriend is in jail possibly for something gang related, you stay the fuck away.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I've made that mistake.

[Brian Bishop]

So highly stylized. But at a certain point in that movie you're waiting for something to happen and it never happens. It just gets violent and chaotic and then it ends. You don't know who the guy is, you don't know why he's there. And it's, it's, it's, it has all the makings of a good film. Like it's like, oh, this is going to be good. But it never takes that turn, it never takes that twist. And he's going to be a professional driver. Hey, look at these car. Hey, tires got a lot of tread on them. They're racing slicks. They get thrown out every race. I don't know what they're talking about. I don't know what his thing is and didn't care. And it was a bad movie and it.

[Allison Rosen]

Were you attracted to him though?

[Brian Bishop]

It was a kind of movie. It was like, it's hard not to be. It was sort of, I don't know, it was like, it was like the White Stripes or something. You wish you liked it, but you just don't like everyone else. Sort of. Everyone's nodding their head going, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's, it's damn person who closed. There's nothing there. Cinematographer should get something for it. And the score was interesting. Like it had interesting elements that added up to not much because it had no story.

[Allison Rosen]

So it was less than the sum of its parts.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, absolutely. And the performances were fine.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like the schmoes are gonna be split on it.

[Brian Bishop]

Interesting.

[Mark Ellis]

There's a couple Normal guys who like films, Alison.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we'll see. Brian, you're coming out on the losing end of this.

[Mark Ellis]

Listening to you guys talk about drive is like listening to two guys talk about a potential Picasso and say, like.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's not even. His nose is on the other side of his face.

[Mark Ellis]

He has, like, one eye. And you're telling me that's a horse? Yeah, I saw that movie.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw the movie with Kevin Hench, who's a very good writer, and when

[Allison Rosen]

we left the theater and Picasso can't draw.

[Brian Bishop]

This is not a good movie. It absolutely is not. And it will never be. It'll never go down historically as a good movie. The history will not be kind to it. It's not going to be one of these movies that has a life after it's gone. And to be fair, Brian only says he's an authority on. He's only an authority on films because he says he's an authority on films. A shitty film's a shitty movie. Thank you. Thanks, Dawson. Why'd you see it, by the way? Where'd you see it? Free on Netflix. Ooh, nice. Figured it was part of my job. All right, I like that. And for those of you who think that anybody here, especially Dawson. Although to be fair to Dawson, he inadvertently disagrees with me most of the time. Or he doesn't make my point, he backs up my point. But he doesn't do it on purpose. He's not here to agree with me and oftentimes doesn't. I hope if he liked the movie he would say so. Dude, I love soccer. There you go. He loves soccer and I hate soccer. There you go. You're fired now. Not Taco Bell material. Something we can all agree on. A new book coming out. We will give away an exclusive chapter in the audiobook. That's right, the Tijuana chapter. Almost a half hour worth of free me complaining about Tijuana. Can you imagine? That's right. All you gotta do is get the hardcover or the ebook and do the pre order and you give the receipt and we will get that out to you by June 7th. But you need to get it in by June 7th. Yes, that's what I wanted to say.

[Allison Rosen]

Why aren't you giving away the fart chapter?

[Brian Bishop]

The one rifarted?

[Allison Rosen]

Is that. Are you saving that one? Is that like, it's too good to just give away?

[Mark Ellis]

It's like an Easter egg.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't know that I feel

[Mark Ellis]

like spoiled rotten Easter egg.

[Brian Bishop]

The chapter is silent but deadly.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's A spoiled rotten Faberge egg.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. We will email you a code to download it on the 8th. So you get it by June 7th and we'll give you the code by the 8th and you get a whole freebie chapter. Hey, why not? Why the fuck not? Oh, we have an egg. We have an egg. Related, by the way. This is why you gotta get the book and the ebook and the audiobook. Because I go off on tangents. I don't know if you guys know that about me, but we were just talking about eggs Faberge rotten and such. I think we have a clip of the audiobook where I go on a little egg riff in the middle of it. All right, let's see. Dawson's pulling it up. We'll have it. I'll talk. Yep.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't even, you know, crazily. I don't think I know your opinions on eggs.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, now you're going to hear one. Our unit was on the second story and face the west and as I said, was right off of Laurel Canyon, one of the busiest thoroughfares in the world. Started talking about my apartment. San Fernando Valley saw many days in the triple digits and unfortunately for us, the apartment had no central air, no swamp cooler, not even a window mounted unit. Even hours after the sun had gone down, the stucco on the outside of the building would be hot enough to fry an egg on. If you could get the egg to stick to the vertical surface. And then I don't know why. I mean, how desperate would you have to be frying egg on the side of a stucco building? Jesus Christ, Get a fucking frying pan, dude. What the fuck? I used to hang out with a dude named Carl who would order his eggs basted. There's nothing worse than going to breakfast with a guy who has a funky egg order. You should. As a matter of fact, that's how you should choose your friends. If a guy says sunny side up or scrambled, he's in. But if he's got one of those lightly poached, just a little bit runny, but not too firm, fuck him because you're going to get a snot rocket in your Denver omelet and he's never going to be satisfied. Mike, what is a basted egg? It's like sunny side up and like flipped over once. I don't know what it is, but that's how Carl ordered his eggs. He probably still eats them that way today. Mike just looked it up. It's sunny side up with the top cooked from the hot fat in the Pan paste. Maybe Carl's onto something here. He could have been a secret genius all along. Basted. I was trying to talk about my apartment and I got on eggs. You know, that's why the book's eight and a half hours.

[Allison Rosen]

Also, what's over medium or over hard?

[Brian Bishop]

That's when you. You don't want to commit to over easy. It's tough.

[Mark Ellis]

I got bad news. I get my eggs over medium and over hard.

[Allison Rosen]

What is that? It's how hard, how firm the yolk is.

[Mark Ellis]

Over easy as sunny sounds. That's a real gooey. Yeah, that's a little more of like almost. You call it a fried egg. You turn it over and get it a little more. Less runny. More gooey than runny.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Sticky and over. That's what over medium is. Yeah.

[Mark Ellis]

And then over hard is, you know,

[Allison Rosen]

is it a whole. Like a smushed hard boiled egg kind of.

[Brian Bishop]

I have. Yes, I have trouble because I try to order things in a scrambled mode. But I order the whatever omelette. Like, it'll be like the fitness omelette. So I'll go, give me the fitness omelette, scrambled. And then they always stand there and pause for a minute and they go, you want an omelette? Yeah, the fitness omelet, but scrambled. But because I figured that out, I'm saying omelette. It's fucking with them. But I'll tell you my command.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, if they're a dog and you're saying like, sit, stand.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, it's exactly the same.

[Allison Rosen]

I know you're gonna say that.

[Brian Bishop]

And no, it is. It's confusing. Like they can't wrap their mind around. The last word out of my mouth was omelette. But then I said, scramble. And it's gonna fucking gonna fuck it up. Every once in a while you get that thing you can tell was an omelet, and then they just mash it up at the end. That's never satisfying. It's a lot like when you order the no mayo on like a burger or something. And if you lift the lid on the bun, you'll see it was scraped. You'll see it was scraped off. Cause somebody went, oh, fuck that. Which, by the way, if you're allergic to mayonnaise, I don't think it's gonna help. It's embedded in the pores of the bread. But yeah, I willi. Will. I. My tip, I got two tips for everybody. One is go ahead and scramble whatever it is you were going to order. Like, omelette wise, scramble, it up, it usually comes out better. Ironically, not the Denver omelette. That's one that was made to be an omelet.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I was going to ask why, because I actually prefer things scrambled, too. And I don't know why, but why do you?

[Brian Bishop]

It's weird because if it's some kind of like, southwestern thing, it's probably better as an omelet if it's got, like, cheese and stuff in it where you can kind of get to it. I don't know why this is a first world problem. Yeah, it's. It's that way. But if you're just gonna go, like, if you're building your own thing and you go, give me onions and the turkey sausage cut up and the jack cheese and mushrooms, then just have it all mashed up.

[Allison Rosen]

You know why? Because if I order broccoli, I don't want to see it embedded, like, encased in amber in the midst of, like, a big egg egg plate, Han Solo style.

[Brian Bishop]

I pray you don't order broccoli when you get an omelet.

[Allison Rosen]

Sometimes I order asparagus.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all right.

[Allison Rosen]

Really. My urine says it's not.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know why. Asparagus is okay. But broccoli in the omelet, that's bad times. And on the pizza. Oh, for Christ's sake.

[Allison Rosen]

That I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

That should be a fucking law. So let me give you a couple quick tips that have nothing to do with omelets or eggs. Because people every once in a while go, hey, do the do yourself a favor segment. Yes.

[Mark Ellis]

One last thing about eggs. To wrap it up. Is there any kind of egg really preparation that, like, all egg preparation is more or less good to great, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no bad egg preparation.

[Brian Bishop]

The only time when it gets bad is when it gets soft boiled and it's too soft boiled and it's almost raw and you see old people eat it out of the shell. It's a weird old school thing. My grandpa used to have an egg holder.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. My parents have those.

[Brian Bishop]

There used to be a lot of stuff that old people needed. Like, how are we going to hang on to this corn without a couple of spikes that's ironically shaped like corn that's stuck in, but you just fucking hang on to it. Weirdo. Like, we had to have, like, we need a cozy on this. This teapot and we, you know, we need to put a fucking handle basket. Yeah, there's a weird thing that happened. Yeah, the wine basket. Like, listen, I fucking handle a bottle of Wine every night. No prom. It's never, it's never like a Pert plus commercial where I'm coming out of the shower with the conditioner and the shampoo. Whoa, I'm not an octopus.

[Allison Rosen]

There were also a lot of nutcrackers.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

A lot of cracking their own nuts in the day.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody in like 1971 went, look, we need giant cigarette lighters like mammoth. Like, like first off, we need cigarette lighters that will crush a normal coffee table. Like we need to reinforce these fucking coffee tables to handle these giant like people trying to light a fucking thing. Oh no, that's a real cannonball. It holds 19 ounces of lighter fluid. Like guys trying to fucking smoke.

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta bring your cigarette to it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like a three man gig where like I'm gonna hold up this cannonball and then you hold the cigarette over it. Then Sheila, you come over here and light it, ignite it for me. And it was like there was, it was always. Everybody's house I went to had some sort of giant novelty lighter, cigarette lighter that was always out of fluid. But it was, it was before cable. So I just. The sparks was enough. Just the flint just pushing in. And either that or it had to be something cute like a gun or something that popped open or some spring loaded thing. It never worked. But somehow the little Bic plastic lighter wouldn't have cut it in the 70s. So you needed a giant lighter. Then to go along with the giant lighter, you needed a massive ashtray. Like glass ashtrays the size of a hubcap. You know, just mad like how many people are smoking at once.

[Allison Rosen]

Everyone.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking huge trash can lid. Like it's the size of a trash can. Oh, I mean it's first and you

[Allison Rosen]

can leave your cigarette in it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Abalone shells and stuff. Like anything could be used as an ashtray. Any kind of shell, anything that came from the sea could be used as a shell. Had a giant lighter, you had giant ashtrays. And so. And then you needed like a big giant nutcracker and the basket for the wine and the handles on the corn and the shrimp deveiner that I famously got in a fucking grab bag when

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't have shrimp special utensils. I inherited them and I was looking at them and I couldn't figure it out. And it's a thing to put butter in to butter your corn.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Especially utensil for buttering the corn.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. My grandfather had not only the corn prong plungers that went in and would like paddles for Corn charge form a lobotomy. If your corn was homicidal and out of control and you needed to get back in its husk, you could put these two prongs in the side of it. And then he had a little trough, a little corn trough showing. Oh, picture of a cheese. What are you showing us a picture of?

[Allison Rosen]

I think those are supposed to be the butter things. Mine are much fancier. They're metal.

[Brian Bishop]

They have little. Yeah, we had that. We had a trough. He had like a little corn trough that you'd put your corn in and you'd smother it with butter and it would sort of bathe in its own buttery juices. You know, I don't want to get

[Allison Rosen]

started on corn or baby corn, but I feel like that's. Corn is not worth that much frippery.

[Brian Bishop]

Regular corn is. I would love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Allison Rosen]

I would love all that for baby corn because it'd be so fucking cute. Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm having a tea party with my pets.

[Brian Bishop]

Half the kitchen was dedicated to the placement and holding of corn. There was that. And then he had a little cup. Had a little cup that was the size of a. It was like an hourglass. And he would place his egg in it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it had like the big cup on the bottom and the little part on the top.

[Brian Bishop]

It was like eating a monkey brain.

[Allison Rosen]

So you could set your spare egg

[Brian Bishop]

under it and he would chip along the top and pull the cap of the shell off and then spoon it out.

[Allison Rosen]

He's great to post them.

[Brian Bishop]

It was a whole fucking ordeal around eating a soft boiled egg.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you also. Or did he also have a special knife for cutting the little grapefruit bits from the like grapefruit lettuce?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there was a grapefruit knife. Yeah. That is special thing for everything.

[Allison Rosen]

Breakfast was a real operation fucking event back then. Yeah. Performance.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. The tip I wanted to give as I just did this recently and it's bugging the shit out of me. The shower. The shower I take. My showers are under a minute weekly, sometimes twice a week. And I don't use soap and I don't use shampoo and I just do a hot water rinse off and I take about 45 or 50 seconds and hold still, ladies. Yeah, laugh it up. But show me someone who spends 20 minutes in the shower. I'll show you a loser. That's me. Anyway, I rinse off. I just rinse myself because I'm not into all the fucking. I know mother nature did not Want you to. To scrub away everything Mother Nature worked so hard to put in your hair and on your face. And then you gotta replenish it. Show me someone who washed your face a lot. I'll show you someone with bad skin. I've always just rinsed and I just, I turn it up and I just rinse it hot and I get out. But the wife is taken to using my shower and she Are you sitting down? Takes long showers.

[Allison Rosen]

And how many showers do you have?

[Brian Bishop]

I have more than one. But somehow the kids got us tossed out of one and into another. Either way, all the products then came in and they sat on the ground for a while and they got all like weird mildewy and then they. Then they went up on the world's worst. There's certain inventions in our time that sound awesome, but suck. And that is that fucking thing that hangs off the shower head?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

It's supposed to be the trolley for all the things. First things first. The shower head bends down, so whatever hook you put on it always slides forward. Number one.

[Allison Rosen]

And if you try to wrap some kind of rubber band around it, it's only going to work for a minute.

[Brian Bishop]

If it doesn't work, it impedes with the flow of the water. At some point you realize the shower head will get tilted down, so my wife will be shorter than I am. So she'll tilt the thing down and half the spray will be going onto the shampoo bottles and down the drain and not onto your ass.

[Allison Rosen]

Wiping the soap and wiping the soap away.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. It seems like a brilliant idea, but it's fucking miserable. It's worse than I. After years of this and I never had to deal with it because I don't do anything in the shower. I just rinse myself off and occasionally a little, you know, shot of shampoo. Shampoo, Shampoo. Write that down. We're all going to be rich. Give a little shot of shampoo every once in a while, but that's as far as I go. But now with all the product, I. The other day I said, look, get some of those Lucite, clear shelves with the suction cups on them and stick them to the fucking wall and get this whole fucking contraption away from the thing. And I did it two months ago and I've never been happier.

[Allison Rosen]

Your suctiony thing stayed because I had no luck with those. They go crashing down in the middle of the night.

[Brian Bishop]

I got the four way suctiony thing and now it's gonna happen tonight. But yes, either way, that caddy that hangs off of the thing is a bad. It seems. It really feels like this is gonna work. They should be outlawed.

[Allison Rosen]

In fact, every single home suction device makes sound like my place is littered with penis pumps. But every single home suction device I've had has never worked. Like the soap holder or anything. That suction just falls right off in time.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you have?

[Caller/Guest]

Because.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you have tile? Because there is.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a toothbrush holder like thing on the inside of the medicine cabinet and that comes crashing down daily. And the soap holder, that was in my old apartment, but that was tile and in the shaft. Well, I haven't tried. I say I won't even. I won't even go to suction.

[Brian Bishop]

Try the shelves. I'm telling you, they've been up for about two, three months. They've worked perfectly. And suction is a weird thing because if you've ever moved big pieces of glass and I've done big pieces of glass, like, I'm talking about half inch thick, five, six foot wide and eight foot tall. And it. That shit is heavy. I mean, that shit is £400. It's like four dudes. And you put the suction cup on there and you pump it with your thumb and then you proceed to pull on it so hard that it feels so unnatural. Like if this suction cup comes off, not only is this glass gonna just crash down in a kabillion pieces, I'm going to go flying into the next yard. You can put suction cup. I have them put them on the glass. Like the guys, the guys who do the glazing, the guys who put the glasses.

[Mark Ellis]

You put that thing in like Mission Impossible.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, and then you lift on that shit and you lift as hard as you can. I mean, like, you can lift on it. Like you're trying to lift the back of a car up by the bumper. You pull out. You cannot pull it off. It is crazy.

[Allison Rosen]

Are those special suction cups, though?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. I mean, they.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I get them for my soap holder?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's not gonna work. It's just. It is insane what a force it is and what a force it can be. Like literally thousands of pounds of pressure on a thing that's five inches around and it will not move. You cannot take it off. Anyway, get rid of that Caddy that's hanging on the shower head and go with the suction cup things. I've gone with them. They've worked. So I recommend it to you. The other thing I recommend and go to meeting HD faces. That's Right. Go to meeting. Go to meeting. Brought to you by Citrix. Good guys. And again, Michael, the lead guy, looks like one of the guys from the Gatlin Brothers.

[Allison Rosen]

How many sponsors can you say that about?

[Brian Bishop]

Only a handful.

[Mark Ellis]

There were three of them.

[Brian Bishop]

You can use the webcam. And it's brought to you by Citrix, by the way, to mention. Use the webcam and use the grape and the grape. The group. That's a good cartoon group. HD video. It is awesome, man. Use your iPad. Download GoToMeeting. The app. We use it here, you use it there. GoToMeeting. You can use it for free 45 days only if you use the promo code Adam. Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the try it free button and enter the promo code Adam. All right, we got some gay walking. We got our schmoes. I got Christian and Mark. Are they here? They are missing something. All right, maybe we'll do. Should we do a little gay walking and then. Oh, actually, someone's been on hold for a million years to. Hold on a second. Hey, Jason.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, Adam. Big fan.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks. Jason. Calling from Denver.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

25 years of age.

[Caller/Guest]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Says up on the screen you don't flush the urinals.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I wanted to give you a little, like, my perspective. I'm totally the guy that I'll take a piss and I won't flush.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, now hold on a second. Let me just say this first. Great story. I want you guys hunted down and killed under my regime. I would fucking.

[Mark Ellis]

But thanks for listening.

[Brian Bishop]

Hunt you down and kill you. Because I cannot tell you how many times I've went to a restaurant, a bar, or an airport, walked around and seen the frothy gold little fucking pile of piss that somebody left for me because they didn't want to touch the handle or whatever the reason was. Or maybe they're just that far out of it. But then I have to actually have a relationship with your piss.

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta pre flush.

[Brian Bishop]

I have to look and see and go, that's somebody else's frothy gold piss. And yes, I have to pre flush. And sometimes when you pre flush, you get that. Especially at, like, an airport, some. You get that whoosh of whatever and shit becomes weaponized. Now, maybe Jason can defend himself. Jason.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, the problem is, is I. It's the same reason why you don't like this. It's the splashback. I don't want the splashback either.

[Brian Bishop]

Of your piss.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, well, the problem. Flush before I put my weenus away, basically. So I Don't want. I don't want that splash back myself.

[Brian Bishop]

What about the spit that's in your mouth right now?

[Allison Rosen]

How about you put your weenus away and then flush?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. What about the shit? Listen, I. Sorry, your highness. I know this is an inconvenience to you and your ball sack, but if you don't like. If your relationship with your own urine is a three, what do you think I'm having with your urine? You think it's just a mid 5 relationship or is it a 10 on my shitto meter?

[Caller/Guest]

I guess I can flush on my way out of the bathroom.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what people usually do.

[Brian Bishop]

That'd be nice.

[Mark Ellis]

Bring the next pair of shoes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Don't come back the next day to flush. Go ahead and just do it while you're there.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I never thought about it that way, I guess.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Jason, we need. And by the way, we need more heroes like you who flush on the way out. What do you do for a living, Jason?

[Caller/Guest]

I work in a wood shop, basically. Huh.

[Dennis Prager]

Wood shop.

[Brian Bishop]

What kind of wood shop?

[Caller/Guest]

I make bases for rocks and minerals and fossils for museums and collectors.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh. What kind of joinery do you do?

[Caller/Guest]

Not just normal 45 degree bevels on just bases. People don't like to get too fancy. They want to just present their actual pieces.

[Brian Bishop]

What's the difference between a rabbit and a dado?

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know that.

[Brian Bishop]

This is amazing. I see this.

[Allison Rosen]

You calling his bluff.

[Brian Bishop]

I've had this happen to me 100 million times in my life where I said to someone like, what do you do? I work at an auto parts store. Okay. What's the difference between a throw out bearing and a muffler? I don't know that's happened. I do the books every single. It's never been satisfying. I've had guys call me and say I'm a carpenter. I've asked them one question. I never get an answer. I. I think that's. You keep doing it, but it's still their fault.

[Allison Rosen]

That's true.

[Brian Bishop]

I think this is one of these things of why our society's falling apart. Don't you think 80 years ago the guy would have given you an answer.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Mark Ellis]

Flush the toilet too.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. Jason?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What kind of tools do you work with?

[Caller/Guest]

I work with hand routers, hand sanders, rouge polishing wheels.

[Dennis Prager]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

What's the difference? What's the difference? I'm gonna ask you a router related question.

[Caller/Guest]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

Router? Router related.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. What's the difference between a chamfer Bit and a Roman og.

[Allison Rosen]

I wonder where this one's gonna go.

[Caller/Guest]

The Roman og was made in Rome. The chamfered bit is. Is not made in Rome.

[Allison Rosen]

Sounds like you're saying Roman orgy with a speech impediment.

[Brian Bishop]

I know it does. Okay, what kind of species of wood do you use? He's over two.

[Caller/Guest]

I. Some variety. I do some zebra wood. Wangi wood.

[Allison Rosen]

He's making this up.

[Caller/Guest]

Walnuts.

[Dennis Prager]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

Stuff like that. And usually exotic stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, all right.

[Allison Rosen]

You've won me back, Wangy. That's what wenge is in my head.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, wenge.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Jason, I believe you. Now flush that toilet.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, I will.

[Brian Bishop]

And you really don't know the difference between the Roman og and the chamfer bit, huh?

[Caller/Guest]

Goodbye. I just told you I thought.

[Brian Bishop]

Goodbye. One of the bits is made in Rome and the other's not. Yeah, okay.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Caller/Guest]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. Okay, so if I said to him, what's the difference between Washington Mutual and Bank of America?

[Allison Rosen]

Washington Mutual is in Washington, and Bank of America is American.

[Brian Bishop]

What's the difference between Southwest Airlines and American Airlines?

[Allison Rosen]

I think Southwest Airlines is based in the Southwest. And American Airlines is in America.

[Brian Bishop]

And what's the difference between brie cheese and American cheese?

[Allison Rosen]

Brie cheese is from brie, and American cheese is made in America.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. Mm. What's the difference between regular cream cheese and Philadelphia cream cheese?

[Allison Rosen]

Regular cream cheese you can get anywhere. It's regular in Philadelphia. Cream cheese you can only get in Philly.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. Mm. I think he told me. I already told you. One's made in Romania what's made in Rome.

[Mark Ellis]

Maybe he was right.

[Brian Bishop]

But I like the fact that the other's not. That's an answer. All right, you can, by the way, if you listen to Ace on the House with me and my buddy Ray, which, by the way, it's just turned into an extension of this show. It's me complaining about my family for 45 minutes and then answering one woodworking question.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm amazed it wasn't that at the beginning.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I like talking about wood as much as I like complaining about family members, so you'd be surprised, but itunes. Ace on the house. And Ray's quite good on the show, by the way. You know why Ray's good? It's impossible for him to lie. He cannot.

[Allison Rosen]

That is a good quality in someone else.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. He's physically incapable of lying. All right, where were we? Oh, hold on. Somebody wants to know about therapy real quick. It's been on hold for a Million years. Sean.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, how's it going?

[Brian Bishop]

Pittsburgh?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. What's the difference between Pittsburgh Paints and Glidden?

[Caller/Guest]

I have no idea. I don't give a shit about that.

[Brian Bishop]

Pittsburgh Paint is from Pittsburgh and Glidden isn't.

[Caller/Guest]

Indeed it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, go ahead.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember I used to listen to

[Caller/Guest]

Loveline pretty faithfully back in the day with you and Dr. Drew. And I remember you occasionally mentioning your therapy center. And I'm pretty sure the time is ripe to ask about how that went and what did you talk about and what does the therapist recommend and did he prescribe you anything and was it effective?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there's a difference between psychology and psychiatry. And psychology. I never got to psychiatry, so nothing was ever prescribed for me. We're talking about medication.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know. Like, what was the. I mean, what did you talk about with your therapist? I know you talk a lot about your parents on the air. Did you talk about anything different to your therapist? Did he discuss anything with you? Did he dig deep into the. Your aura or whatever?

[Brian Bishop]

We talk mainly vintage Datsuns. And I can tell you've definitely had some schooling in this department, John, because you know your way around therapist office. I think everybody talks about something different, but they just talk about whatever went on that week normally and, you know, problems usually and ways to resolve it. And it's sort of a process, but it's not unlike going to the gym or something like, you know, what'd you do with your personal trainer? It's like, well, I burnt some calories and I'm a little less fat than I was when I started. And that's about it. You go there as part of a maintenance. And for some people it's maintenance and for other people it's a little more of a necessity. But either way, I always say it's like a multivitamin. Does it help? I don't know. It can't hurt. And part of the multivitamin is knowing you're taking a multivitamin. I do believe that's half the multivitamin effect. It's a placebo effect. And this is a. I'm going to actively take an interest in my psychological well being. That's basically what it is. Some people. I don't think that everyone needs it.

[Allison Rosen]

I do.

[Brian Bishop]

I think engaging it is a good thing. I mean, I don't. I mean, do you really feel like you need it?

[Allison Rosen]

No, not everyone needs it, but I think if someone has an interest in it, I would definitely recommend it because you will get something out of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the good news is, like, look, not everyone is fat. Not everyone needs a personal trainer. Not everyone needs her. But nobody's life is going to be hurt by a personal trainer or multivitamin. So if you sort of look at it as that way, like, if you look at it as. I mean, I basically would look at it this way. So, Sean, I'll try to answer your question here. We understand the physical part of life. Like, people brush their teeth and they exercise, and then sometimes they dye their hair, and sometimes they go and get tanned, and sometimes they get plastic surgery, and sometimes they have suits made that are fitted and dresses and so on and so forth. We understand the physical part of life. Like, okay, you want to be good to yourself. You want to put your best foot forward. You want to present yourself in a certain way, you want to look a certain way. So we understand half of or not half of, you know, 80% of our society is built around this sort of physical. Whether it's the car you're driving, the way your hair styled, the dress you're wearing, whatever it is, this is the unseen part of life. This is the emotional part of life, which I would argue is a much bigger, greater, and more important part of life that is mostly ignored. As a matter of fact, you know, it's ignored because every single president that's ever come and probably will ever come for the next 25 years always talks about their pastor and their reverend, their priests. You know, they're going to sit, you know, Bill Clinton's going to do whatever he's going to do to Monica Lewinsky, and he's going to sit down and talk to his priest. And really, you know, first off, A, do you believe it? B, they should be talking about a therapist. If they had a fucking shred of dignity. If this country was run the way it should be run, people would be talking about this, the president. And I know what everyone says, well, you couldn't get elected in this country if you said, yes. I have a therapist, but I would love for Barack Obama or anyone to go, look, I talk to a person once a week because I got some pretty big shit rolling around in my head. Like, I'm running a country and I'm worried about the Middle east and I'm putting people in harm's way, and I'm worried about fuel prices and I'm worried about unemployment. And yeah, once a week, I sit down with a guy who has patches on his corduroy jacket and a weird beard, and I tell him What I'm thinking. And you know what? I feel better when I'm done and I feel more prepared to take on the duties of running this country that I would love. It'll never be discussed. Basically, it's always, we're gonna pray on it and we're gonna talk to my family. And it's. I don't think any of them do it. I don't think anyone believes it. I don't think Bill Clinton. I think Bill Clinton's a full blown atheist. Like, I don't believe he believes in God for a fucking second. There's no way. There's no way. A, he's too smart. B, he wouldn't be doing all the shit he's doing if he actually believed in it. There's no fucking way he does. But he has to pretend like he does. That's part of the retard dance it takes to get elected. I wish that we put a greater emphasis on this. I wish when situations like Virginia Tech or the kid that jumped off the bridge because he had the roommate and we get into cyberbullying and we get into, you know, oh, what did the teachers do? And all that. These are great learning points. These are times when we could be talking about therapy, when we could be talking about the role that therapy plays and should play a bigger role. The society we're in. But the news, not interested whatsoever. They scoot right past it. There's never any discussion. It's always, well, what motivated him? Why? Well, some people just snap, well, what are you gonna do? Whether it's Columbine or whatever, there's never a discussion of therapy. It's always just, why didn't the school do more? You know, why didn't the parents know? Why didn't blah, blah, blah, blah and the blah, blah. Well, sometimes it's the FBI, sometimes it's. Sometimes it's the school, sometimes it's the parents. But it's rarely. We rarely take the problem and distill it down to its core, which is there's a deep emotional issue here that should be addressed and it should be discussed. But it's taboo. And I don't understand why it's taboo because we talk about every fucking thing else now in our society.

[Allison Rosen]

Is this a where you are in the country thing? Because I find the people I talk to, there is not really a stigma about therapy anymore. But is that because I'm LA or

[Brian Bishop]

New York Jubu or that not taboo? Yes, if you're, if you're.

[Allison Rosen]

But you can talk to your Friends about it, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, no, there's not a taboo. Okay. Obviously, if you're. First off, if you're Jewish, it's. If you're Asian, there's taboo. If you're Jewish, there's not. You know, there's certain cultures that just ain't down with it, and then other cultures are.

[Caller/Guest]

What do you have?

[Allison Rosen]

It's not like all my friends are Jewish.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he's kind of made them Jewy, though. I mean, they're not gonna.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it rubbed off on me. It came out of the horns in my head and then spewed all over them.

[Brian Bishop]

You depute them for the time they're in your presence. I think Woody Allen broke down that barrier many, many years ago. Now, the whole sort of Manhattany kind of, you know, that that's fine. Like, we understand that all the non

[Allison Rosen]

Jews are Jews in Manhattan, if you want to say that.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. And understand analysis and therapy and all that kind of stuff. The taboo doesn't exist in society really so much. I'm sure if you're one of the guys who jumped out of the swamp boats and wrestled alligators on one of the many TV shows that depict them and you start talking about therapy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Spike TV's not into therapy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you might get laughed out of your next fanboat. But in general, no therapy is fine. And there's no taboo around it. And I think as a society, all the more reason why it should be brought up. We're past it. It's almost. It's right up there with, like, here's an example being gay. Gay relationships, all that kind of stuff used to be huge taboo about that. And now the taboo has gone from a taboo to a point of discussion in our society, in politics and all that. And you have politicians, some gay, mostly not. But speaking about homosexuals and the rights and stuff like that. So it used to be taboo and now it's the top of the news. Therapy never discussed amongst politicians. And again, there's topics like legalizing marijuana and stuff to do with immigration and stuff to do with gay marriage and stuff like that. That would have been never discussed 30 years ago.

[Allison Rosen]

I think something had come out about Dukakis having been in therapy and that was considered a weakness.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Although that's the way it works. There's a handful of topics that I'm sure these guys have to stay away from. This is one of them. It's never discussed, and I wish somebody would discuss it, and I wish everyone would go see a therapist. Is it going to cure You? No. Are you going to become a different person? No. You'll become a slightly better version of yourself. And you will be at least actively involved in a process that focuses on that part of your life. And to me, more important than the personal trainer. Let's play some games. All right. Where were we? Gay walking. You want to do that?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You got something? Yeah, I do. Gay walking. Gay Bill wants to know if you know all the things straight guys should know. Your home, homosexuals. It's time for gay walking. Cause you are gay. That's former pre op board op Bill Mahoney, who did some gay walking for us. And by the way, his dad sent me a book. So comical. His dad sent me a book of his collection. His Bill Mahoney. You know how he drove like that Subaru just around or something like that? Yeah, he drove around like a three cylinder Subaru.

[Mark Ellis]

Built it, bored up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. And lived a pretty frugal life. His dad, I think it's his adopted dad, whatever, he sent me a book with like some Pre World War II Delahays and French, you know, blah, blah, blah. And we're talking about $10 million cars. Like, we're talking about a collection. I don't know if Bill's ever gonna see it. I don't know how it works. I don't know if it's going to a museum. I don't know what it works. But his dad sent me a book of the collection of his cars. And, you know, I'm not a Delahay expert and I don't know stuff about, you know, the French streamlining stuff. But I can tell you right now, we're talking about $100 million worth of cars. No problemo. All right. Bill went out and did a little gay walking. By the way, he's got a podcast called the Bill Show. And gaywalking is like jaywalking. He talks to the gays, you ask him questions, and we'll decide if figure out if we can answer them or not. Should we get started? Who won this year's Super Bowl? Where's he at and is he talking?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, he's at MJ's Latin Wednesdays. And their catchphrase is, with so many Latin cocks around, feathers are bound to fly.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it's gotta be awesome to be gay. God damn. All right.

[Mark Ellis]

I hear it's tough.

[Brian Bishop]

They try to sell it like it's tough, but it's fucking. It's a life of fucking.

[Mark Ellis]

A lot of mileage out of that

[Allison Rosen]

because they don't want More people to be gay, so they try to spread that around.

[Mark Ellis]

Don't join us. Everyone else.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's like when you find a really good subjoint, you tell everyone, nah, they're no good. Turkey's a little dry because you don't want to wait in line next time you got a butt. I mean by a. You know what I'm saying? All right, where are we? All right. Who won this year's Super Bowl? What do you think? I'm going.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I don't think he knows.

[Mark Ellis]

He just has to say New York. So I'm going to say. I'm going to say yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Who won this year's Super Bowl? What's that? The Super Bowl. Oh, football.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

No clue. Name a team. The Patriots. Oh, wow. Wow. Close. All right, so Allison gets the. Gets one, I get one. And.

[Dennis Prager]

Ball.

[Brian Bishop]

Brined goose egg. Okay, let's move on now. Is he talking same dude. Did I miss that part? New guys. Okay, here we go. Name one Kenny Chesney song.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think he knows.

[Brian Bishop]

I can't name a Kenny Chesney song.

[Allison Rosen]

Me neither.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian could do.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like we're gay.

[Mark Ellis]

In what universe would he know the song? But why else is it on the list?

[Brian Bishop]

And Kenny, don't question the process.

[Mark Ellis]

Kenny Chesney, by the way, might have been at the club, too.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Mark Ellis]

Where does Pink cut off?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so, Brian, what do you say?

[Mark Ellis]

There's no way.

[Brian Bishop]

We all say no. We all say no. Name one Kenny Chesney song. I only know that he broke up with Renee Zellweger. I have no idea what he's saying. All right, so far. Alison and I. Perfect. And Brian. One and one. Here we go. What does UFC stand for?

[Allison Rosen]

I think he does know this.

[Brian Bishop]

Just because it's been two in a row?

[Allison Rosen]

Because I know this.

[Mark Ellis]

It's a different gay.

[Brian Bishop]

What's it stand for?

[Allison Rosen]

Ultimate Fighting Championship.

[Brian Bishop]

Mmm. So you figure now part of you. And it is. It's a distinct advantage.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a gay man inside me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

You just kind of go chicken.

[Allison Rosen]

You think I can think like a gay?

[Brian Bishop]

No. Gays think like chicks.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Same thing. Okay, so you say. Because you know he's gonna know.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And he has a nose ring.

[Brian Bishop]

Looks tough. All right. I say knows, too, Brian.

[Mark Ellis]

Yeah, he knows. I think that's common knowledge.

[Brian Bishop]

Now we all say no. What does UFC stand for?

[Adam Carolla]

Ultimate Fighting Championship.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Wow. Three for three. Okay, this next one.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know.

[Dennis Prager]

Here we go.

[Brian Bishop]

Name one of the stars of Tango and Cash.

[Caller/Guest]

Mmm.

[Brian Bishop]

Now this is tough. Cause on one hand, it's a straight man's movie. On the other hand, it's good looking guys with their shirts off half the time. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

That is tough.

[Brian Bishop]

And they do that move that they do in every third movie where the guy wakes up and he's chained and he's hanging from something he's chained from and somebody's talking to him. And by the way, in a very conversational tone. Tango, Cash, so nice of you to drop in. And there's this part. First off, they never do this. Ah, Fucking hands. Yeah, my hands are fucking killing me. God damn. How long have I been this way? I just fucking woke up. I cannot feel my fingers. People like my fucking hands. Somebody's gotta do. Someone's gotta get some, like, duct tape and put around this chain. Cause my fucking hands. You know that thing where you put it, like thread it through a tube sock or something? My fucking hands hurt bad. Fucking hands.

[Caller/Guest]

I can't.

[Brian Bishop]

They hurt. Tango, do your hands work it? Yes. My fucking but. And so not only do they never complain about their hands hurting, which you think they would because they've been hanging for now hours by their hands.

[Mark Ellis]

They're not padded.

[Brian Bishop]

They're ironic. They're. They're wildly cocky considering the position that they're in. They're like, when I get out of here, Crutchfield, I'm gonna mess your face up. And it's like, oh, well, right now you're in your underpants and you're chained and you're hanging over a barrel of oil that's electrified. So what do you mean when you get out of here? How's this work? Yeah, they're wildly, wildly confident. And then when the guy leaves at some point, and whoever writes this, they did this in fast five. Whoever writes this, A, if somebody put a fucking script across my desk and it had our two hero smash cut to, you know, dank basement. We hear the dripping of a pipe in the background. It's dark, and we see their shirtless, greased up bodies hanging by a chain right next to it. If I saw that, and then I saw how they got out of it, was they kicked their legs up, got them in a scissor hold around their neck, grabbed, you know, pop their gun, whatever, I'd fucking go, are you fucking hack. Serious? No fucking way. This A, never happened in real life, and B, if it did ever happen, we've never heard about it because the guy's dead. No one's ever got out of it by kicking him and getting him in a fucking scissor hole.

[Mark Ellis]

Come to think of it, the ratio for actually killing your victim when he's hanging is very low in movies.

[Allison Rosen]

Because maybe that's why they're so cocky.

[Brian Bishop]

If I was a villain and my guys were like, what do you want me to do with them, boss? They're knocked out. Anything but chain them up by their hands and hang them in a basement. Because I know how that fucking story ends. One of you is going to get strangled. This never works. Never. You know what? Find a nice folding chair for them and ask them if they're comfortable. That's all. That's. It never works.

[Allison Rosen]

You're right, because they basically did that in True Blood. The folding chair. And then they killed him.

[Caller/Guest]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

It always works. The folding chair is more powerful than the chair.

[Allison Rosen]

Folding chairs, lounge. The worst place to be.

[Brian Bishop]

Alright, I'm gonna say no.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm saying no as well.

[Brian Bishop]

Want to get back in this game, Brian? You can nod it up.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah,

[Mark Ellis]

he's too young. Look at these pictures. There's no way this guy saw when he was in theaters.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you don't want to get back in the game? That's your. That's your strategy? Name one of the stars of Tango and Cash.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Julianne Moore. It's the greatest gantz of all time. Wow.

[Mark Ellis]

Good thing I didn't try to knot it up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right, so four. No. Right. Allison, myself, run the table. Brian just down one. There we go. We go into the bonus round. We go into the championship.

[Allison Rosen]

No, there's. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

If you call yourself a juggalo, you are a fan of which group?

[Allison Rosen]

I think he knows.

[Brian Bishop]

And he knew the UFC too. Brian, what do you think?

[Mark Ellis]

I'll say no, but, I mean, I'm trying to catch up to Allison and

[Brian Bishop]

Allison says, I think he knows, and Brian says no. So if I says. If I say yeah. Yes. Then either Alison, I could tie up or Brian could tie up. But if I say no, Brian will be eliminated. But then Allison could win.

[Mark Ellis]

We don't want that.

[Brian Bishop]

I think. I think he knows too. But I'm gonna get the schmoes guys in here. I'm gonna get the fuck out of here and have to pee.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, sure. Now you don't care about the game. I see.

[Brian Bishop]

So I'm gonna say no, because I want to end it right here. If you call yourself a juggalo, you are a fan of which group?

[Adam Carolla]

I would say some alternative.

[Brian Bishop]

I knew it. Oh.

[Christian Harloff]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Instant crown posse.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yes.

[Brian Bishop]

God damn it.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Gay.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I started chilling the champagne.

[Allison Rosen]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my champagne.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

The rose.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my goodness. All right. Gay walking. Cause you are gay. Ah, Legal Zoom parents. Best thing you can do for your family. Disneyland? I don't think so. Take them out to dinner? Not quite. Remember what people used to say that? I missed that.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think so.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think so. No. You can protect your family. LegalZoom. LegalZoom.com Last Will or LivingTrust. Just a few minutes on LegalZoom.com to complete your will or Living Trust. Protects your family and the assets and it shows them you really care. That's gonna be a tough sell for my kids, though. Yeah, we're not going to Disneyland. But I have some legal documents. They're gonna cheer you up. Doesn't matter.

[Allison Rosen]

Gonna go Menendez on your ass.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, when they get older.

[Allison Rosen]

Waste of my time.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Sonny, you will appreciate it when you get older. Just 69 bucks. Starting at 69 bucks. And it is accepted in courts and and agencies in all 50 states. Geez, when we get up to 50 plus, you'll get legal Zoom's $50,000 guarantee and attorney help when you need it. Legal Zoom is not a law firm and provides self help services at your direction. Save even more by typing Adam in the referral box at checkout. Take a few minutes today to protect your family. For wills, trusts, and more, go to legalzoom.com all right, well, Schmoes knows Christian and Mark gonna come in here. They're gonna talk about, oh, Prometheus, Brave Spider Man. Dark Knight Rises. This is not your daddy's Batman. He's a dark, troubled, edgy. Oh, super homoerotic Batman. Bourne Legacy. Yeah, that's coming back with Jeremy Renner.

[Mark Ellis]

Woo.

[Brian Bishop]

Total Recall. Lots of good movies and possibly drive after this.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my. On test one too. There we go. Thank you. Christian Harloff. Mark Ellis here. Schmoes know the website YouTube.com schmoznow and the know is the K N O W variety. You can Twitter them at schmozno.

[Christian Harloff]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Lots of new movies to talk about. Summer movies to talk about. Some you've seen some you know about

[Christian Harloff]

ones that we're going to talk about. No, we haven't seen them yet. We're going to see Prometheus on Tuesday. But a lot of these, you know, it's the summer season kind of kicked off in May, and now we got June, July, and August, and we got some pretty good Ones coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

We got May covered. May is in the bag.

[Christian Harloff]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

What Prometheus. Is that the pre one? Yeah, it's the prequel to Alien.

[Christian Harloff]

Ridley Scott Returns.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Here's the thing. It's a prequel, but it takes place like, what, 20 years before the first alien.

[Christian Harloff]

30 years. And all the technology looks better. It's like the George Lucas thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. The special effects have gotten a lot better since 1979. Now you got to make it look older.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it now? I. I do believe the first Alien was a great example of delayed gratification. Like, sex is better if you do some foreplay.

[Adam Carolla]

It was tantric the whole movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. I don't engage in it myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever attempted the tantric way of lovemaking?

[Brian Bishop]

There have been times when it's been put off longer than I would have liked. Like past the salad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And. And it's always better, but you just don't want it that way. Like. Yeah. So what we've done is we've given in to our primal urges when it comes to movies. And we start with a chase scene. But the first Alien was so good because they just teased you and they made you wait and wait and wait. And by the time it came, pardon the pun, you were just so fucking ready.

[Adam Carolla]

You climax.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Literally when you saw it. Then when. Then when they came out with Aliens and subsequent more, it was like now it started. They hit the ground running, there was hundreds of them. And it just became overwhelming.

[Christian Harloff]

Well, the thing with Alien also is that fact. It's like you're saying it's a fairly simple movie, but when you get teased and you finally do see the alien, it's not like some shitty ass puppet. It looks like a creepy alien. So you. Again, that's 1979. And you're able to do that. Right. It was believable. And it is more of a horror film. And I think James Cameron for Aliens made it more of an action film, which I loved. I love the aliens, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, that's what it was. The first Alien was like. It was like a nice romantic. That was like the Notebook. Right. And then Aliens is just a porno. It's just a triple X, just everybody shooting at everybody else.

[Christian Harloff]

But the story all comes together too. And I think that. I actually think Aliens 3 was bukkake. Oh, that's horrendous. But Aliens, it sets up the story as to where in Prometheus, where we have, you know, the whole Wieland thing and the. The corporation and the story. If you didn't have James Cameron bringing that. I don't think you would know as much what's going on, because they tease it a lot in Prometheus.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you have to care. And that's the part they screw you up on, which is you got to get to know the characters, because if you don't know them, then you don't really care if they're devoured by the alien or not. But if you spend an hour setting them up and really getting to know him, then when the person is running from the alien, you're screaming, run. Yeah, versus, who gives a shit?

[Adam Carolla]

But that was the problem with Alien 3 is that at the beginning of Alien 3, it actually sets up to where you make sure that all the cool guys that you like, like Hicks, you know, Bill Paxton from Aliens, are dead. That's the first thing you see in Alien 3. So it's just Baltigrny Reaver running around. Well, no, they don't care that.

[Christian Harloff]

No, they killed off the one guy you do care. Saddam Noomsey from. From Golden Child.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wow.

[Christian Harloff]

He's in it. He's in it for, like, the first Charles Dance.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure is. He was the bad guy.

[Christian Harloff]

No, he's like in Last Action Hero.

[Adam Carolla]

He was the bad guy.

[Christian Harloff]

Sure is. But he's the love interest for this. And you're like, okay, good. Sodom. She's gonna get some Ripley tail.

[Brian Bishop]

And then they kill him.

[Christian Harloff]

And you're like, no. And then Rock. What's his name? Charles Dutton.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

Is running around. And. And it's just horrendous.

[Adam Carolla]

Alien 3 is basically the. The action scene in that is they're just closing garage doors in a prison on aliens. That's all it is.

[Christian Harloff]

David Fincher, though, they.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's why I always say, look, this is the reason why Mexicans can't make dessert, because they go.

[Adam Carolla]

They fry it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there's that. Basically, they go like, look, what is the difference between a dinner roll and a pastry? And somebody said, sugar. And then someone said, then, you know, it'll be the best dessert ever. Big blocks of sugar, and it's like. It makes sense, but it doesn't work. You need some salt and some yeast and some shit in there. That goes against. That goes against dessert convention. Like, you think, well, why would this make. If you tasted yeast, you'd be like, what the fuck is this doing in my dessert? Like, trust me. Or if you tasted salt, you'd go, why is this in my dessert? You go, trust me. And that's what they do. They Throw in too much sugar and you just start swimming in it and you don't give a shit.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what Transformers 3 was. It was just a bunch of sugar for the last 45 minutes.

[Mark Ellis]

Awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanted some yeast, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Where's the yeast? Speaking of Brian, that. I haven't asked about that in controversy. What about Drive? How did you guys feel about Drive?

[Christian Harloff]

He's a huge fan of Drive. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

The Ryan Gosling movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe the best five minutes I spent at the movie theater last year was the first five minutes of that movie. I love that opening scene when he's on the first mission, and then the movie just kind of gets a little full of itself.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah, I think so, too. And the thing is, with that movie, I just think that it's. The director does a really good job and does a lot of, you know, nice visuals to it too, but they tease you that it's going to be this action film, and then it's like an art house film, which is fine. But don't tease me and make me think I'm getting, You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Then no one talks for the next half hour.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah. And everyone was saying, oh, Gosling should be nominated for this. He's a great actor and probably one of the best out there right now. The guy stares at walls for an hour and a half.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. See that, Brian? Everyone loved it.

[Mark Ellis]

I never felt more vindicated.

[Brian Bishop]

He loved it. He's the only one I know likes Drive. That and the horrible critics. He calls it a great film.

[Christian Harloff]

You know, it's. But he's not. He's not alone, actually. I know a lot of people like that. You know, we did that you reviewers award this year, and actually the fucking thing won.

[Brian Bishop]

No, look, a lot of.

[Christian Harloff]

I think.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's the thing. Here's the thing. There's a lot of art that with distance, it actually gets better. And then there's a lot of art that, with distance, gets worse. There's a lot of movies that didn't do that great and didn't even get that much proclaim when they came out critically. But five years later, people step back and go, wow, that really was a great film. I feel like drives, stock drops every four weeks. Like, it just keeps dropping. It got out of the gate with holy shit. And then it's been.

[Adam Carolla]

People aren't going to a museum 50 years to see Drive again.

[Christian Harloff]

I think the opposite of that is Warrior, because Warrior had no buzz. And everybody that watches Warrior now loves that movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's a MMA movie.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah. And that's Tom Hardy, Nick Nolte, and Joel Edgerton.

[Brian Bishop]

Nick Nolte. Anyway, Spider man, what's that gonna be?

[Adam Carolla]

Like this Spider man, it's a reboot of Spider man. So it's a new guy and so it's not Tobey Maguire anymore. And it's coming out July 4th. And it's weird because nobody's talking about it because you had the Avengers in May. You have the Dark Knight Rise is coming out later in July. So Spider man is kind of flying under the radar a little bit.

[Christian Harloff]

And I'm curious as far as Brian, what you thought about that too. There's two sides of that as well. Some people think that it should not be rebooted. It's too soon, because the 2007 was the last one. But I'm all for it because I think they're taking the more kind of Nolan approach to it.

[Mark Ellis]

You know when, like, you see, like a pretty woman or a woman who's supposed to be pretty and you just don't get tumescent or whatever and you're like, don't lie. It just doesn't do it for me.

[Brian Bishop]

No boner for Spider Man.

[Mark Ellis]

I could not care less about Spider

[Christian Harloff]

Man, Spider man, the character at all.

[Mark Ellis]

I love the third. The second one is one of the all time best comic book movies, in my opinion. So I like the original, original three or five years ago trilogy, but just can't get it up for Spider Man.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, that's your Nicole Kidman, huh? Because Nicole Kidman. Everybody says Nicole Kidman's the most beautiful thing in the world. And I just. It just does not work.

[Christian Harloff]

I love her. She smells great.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a chick thing.

[Adam Carolla]

She smells great.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she like. Did you smell her once?

[Adam Carolla]

That's kind of creepy.

[Christian Harloff]

What do you want me to do? She had a lot of purple.

[Allison Rosen]

It smell like plastic.

[Christian Harloff]

Well, this was like seven years ago.

[Mark Ellis]

Sweet plastic.

[Christian Harloff]

Seven years ago. So the plastic was kind of thin.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like Nicole Kidman smells like a really nice. Like a Morton Steakhouse bathroom.

[Caller/Guest]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

She's like, a little too perfumed. Yes. A little too sanitized.

[Christian Harloff]

I'd be surprised.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm telling you, man, like a bathroom that has a flat screen over the urinal. Nice bath. Like a really nice bathroom. Like, I need to watch more tv.

[Allison Rosen]

Like heavy shuttered wood doors.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah, there's no piss in that urinal.

[Brian Bishop]

How about the Dark Knight?

[Christian Harloff]

Dark Knight? I'm really looking forward to. I mean, I think that's the difference is. Did you guys see the Avengers?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I keep wanting to bring my kid, and everyone tells me what a great movie the Avengers is. And I go, good, I'll go with my kid. And he's, like, lukewarm on it.

[Adam Carolla]

How old's your kid?

[Brian Bishop]

He's six. And he's into all the superheroes and everything. He'll love it in Iron Man. And I keep wanting to get his pussy a little moist. And it's a fucking. Maybe you should swing.

[Adam Carolla]

Say that doctor on the way to the event.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a litter box.

[Christian Harloff]

Eye candy for two. A little over two hours. Your kid will love it.

[Brian Bishop]

I try to keep yelling at him while I'm hitting him with a slipper.

[Christian Harloff]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna know a lot more about your kid walking out of the Avengers. Okay, first of all, he should have grown a penis by the time that movie's done. And then if he doesn't like it, he may be a communist.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

That's what everyone says.

[Christian Harloff]

It's great. But the reason I bring that up is because that movie, it's just pure action. There's, you know, some character stuff here and there, but the Dark Knight has to succeed in story and character. Where the Avengers didn't, you know, it's just. You throw up with these characters. You have them kick each other's asses and everybody else's asses, and you're fine.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Christian Harloff]

But in Dark Knight, if this trilogy doesn't, you know, come together and tie together nicely, it's. It's just gonna be like, eh, who cares?

[Brian Bishop]

And is it Christian Bale back? Yeah, yeah, Bale's back.

[Christian Harloff]

Tom Hardy, the guy from Warrior, and Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, which is the sketchy casting, I think, but. And then you have a bunch of other people, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Mario Joseph Gordon Levitt. You worry about them cramming too much into it, because that was the. That the first Batman series or in the 90s suffered from. Is that Batman Forever? They had three villains and then Batman and Robin. There was, like 900 of them.

[Christian Harloff]

But the difference is you have Nolan versus Joel Schumacher total.

[Brian Bishop]

Total Recall coming back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, when they do Total Recall, do they do, like, are they gonna do a. You know, there's some bands that cover a song or remake a song and make it their own. And then there are other ones that make it sound almost exactly the same as it was. Like, there's certain songs, like, if you. What was I always talking about? Like, Gloria. Gloria Stefan in the Miami Turn the Beat Around. Her version sounds exactly the same as the chick who sung it in 1977. Like there's no reason to remake that one. But Cat Stevens redoing Sam Cooke's Another Saturday Night. That's a total different thing. They're gonna do the same movie. Are they doing a different one?

[Christian Harloff]

They're basing it off the short story, I think, with Philip K. Dick. Is that who wrote and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

And thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Fine. Turn the beat around. The original.

[Christian Harloff]

It's okay. They're doing. It's more based on. It's not Take place in Mars. So by still they're not doing the three titted women, unfortunately. And I don't know if there's going to be a little midget with.

[Brian Bishop]

Who's going to be the Sharon Stone?

[Christian Harloff]

Len Weisman's wife, Kate Beckinsale.

[Adam Carolla]

Beckinsale. Yeah. This looks cool to me because again, it's. It's 2012 now, so the special effects are going to be great. This could be. If the original one was you really Got Me by the King. So this could be you really Got Me, the Van Halen version.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

Beckinsale on a Cole Kidman. Or is she.

[Adam Carolla]

She's pretty damn good looking.

[Brian Bishop]

You would now. Yeah, we're into her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I punked her one time and she was pretty. She was pretty hot.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she's very attractive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Nicole Kidman is. Chicks think she's beautiful chick.

[Adam Carolla]

See, every girl makes that face now because she's got plastic.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I don't think I ever thought she was pretty, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Even like eight years ago. Let me. Let me tell you there. There are women that women want us to be attracted to because it'd be

[Allison Rosen]

so great as a society if we could like pale skin and curly red

[Brian Bishop]

hair like a nice B cup. Like.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But hey, check out this walking recessive gene that's on the movie screen. Isn't she attractive? Because then it's gonna make me look phenomenal. It's, hey, that fat friend I bring to the bar.

[Brian Bishop]

She's cute, right? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not saying guys don't do that, but we're just a little more underhanded about it, right? Hey, isn't John Goodman attractive?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, this is the original.

[Adam Carolla]

See you. You don't remake this, though. I mean, I'm not the biggest fan in the world of this.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Maybe I am.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a great song.

[Brian Bishop]

But here's the. Here's the thing. She remade this song and it sounds exactly the same. And that's bullshit, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Sincerest form of flattery.

[Brian Bishop]

Because she Made sincerest way to fucking make money.

[Christian Harloff]

Right? Well, it's like when they remade Psycho. The same with. When they did it with Vince Vaughn. They did Psycho, and it was the same shot for shot when Gus Van Zandt did it. It was like, no, that doesn't work. You don't need to do that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're just copying the original, which is.

[Brian Bishop]

Copy the original. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they're souping it up and making it. Making it your own, but still paying homage to the original. That's like the Beatles Twist and Shout covering the Isley Brothers.

[Dennis Prager]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's adding hip hop to a song, which I also. So that's the other part of the bell curve, which I despise, too.

[Brian Bishop]

I despise as well. I just feel like you've ripped off somebody's song. It's the. It's the antithesis of art, which is you ripping off the best part of Cashmere and putting it in your shitty song. And then all the fucking defenders. I don't get all the defenders.

[Christian Harloff]

You mean, like, you're talking about sampling and stuff?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the sampling. Oh, I like that song. And I always go, it's Cashmere. You like the Cashmere riff in the middle of that song.

[Christian Harloff]

Ice, when he did Queen's.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Everyone's like, I like that song. And it's like, I know, because you liked him. And David Bowie from 1978.

[Adam Carolla]

That doesn't introduce kids. They always use the argument. Oh, no, it introduces kids. A new generation to Queen of David Bowie. I had no idea that they had a song called under pressure until, like, 10 years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Christian Harloff]

10 years ago.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know. No. You know why? Because I always heard the ding, ding, ding, and then I immediately would turn it off because I don't want to hear Vanilla Ice. Why are they playing this on the classic rock station?

[Brian Bishop]

That was a whole generation. I was confused. All right, one movie for us to.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Really.

[Brian Bishop]

Not us, but that. You guys are most excited.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I thought the five of us were going to a movie.

[Brian Bishop]

We're all going to a movie.

[Allison Rosen]

What would it be if we went Scare Bearers Reboot.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

This crew, I think this crew we take to see Moonrise Kingdom because I still haven't seen that yet. Have you seen it? Did you like it?

[Mark Ellis]

No. That's garbage. I will not see that.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Why?

[Mark Ellis]

No interest.

[Christian Harloff]

You don't like Wes Anderson at all? Do you hate him? Quirkity.

[Allison Rosen]

Quirkity.

[Mark Ellis]

Quirkity. Too quirky. Adam came up with the term. Yeah. Two Days ago, which was quirky comedies have nothing going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Freaking you out, man.

[Christian Harloff]

You look like the guy that would love that movie. But you love Transformers 3.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I do crazy. Well, the quirky is the, hey, look at me and how precious my movie is, which bothers me.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never seen one Wes Anderson film, so I can't.

[Allison Rosen]

Rushmore is good.

[Christian Harloff]

I love Royaltown.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, me too.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah, those are the two I really enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta take the crash course before I see this movie.

[Christian Harloff]

But the big budget ones for me, I mean, I would. I would see the Dark Knight Rises or. I'm actually looking. The new trailer for Born Legacy just came out, and with Jeremy Renner is a guy that. It was rumored at first they were gonna put Shia laboot or Leweufin in

[Brian Bishop]

it for a while. An animated cat character.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah, the Boots was supposed to be in it. And they didn't. Thank God they didn't cast him. They put Renner and now he's coming off the Avengers fame and everything else. So I think that's gonna be something pretty exciting.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the great thing about the Bourne series, and I just want to. Hollywood, are you listening? All of the CGI stuff has left this broadcaster cold. I can't take. I sometimes see the commercials and go, is this animated or is this live action? There's so much fucking CGI on the screen. And what Bourne did is they went, look, we're gonna take a car and we're gonna drive it off a bridge, and it's going into the lake. And he's gonna have to get out of that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a real car. We're gonna have to pay for this

[Brian Bishop]

Audi to go off the fucking. Off a trestle bridge. And when he fights a guy, he's gonna fight a guy. And when he's climbing along the ledge of a building, he's gonna be on a building. And the car action. The car chases are gonna be car chases and the fights are gonna be fights. And we'll use stuntmen and coordinators and we'll make it look awesome. But it will be what it is, meat and potatoes. Not just so much fucking stuff that was done in post flying at you. And also a lot of movies. Like, does the guy have superpowers or doesn't he? Because in one moment, he just got cut by sword and he's bleeding. Now he's jumping up in slow motion and kicking everyone like a lawn genie sprinkler. Just choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo. You know, Three times around, he's eight feet off the ground like, well, can he do that or does he have a hair? You know, just because he decided to go in slow motion, can he defy gravity Now?

[Adam Carolla]

I think only Adam Carolla sees Hard Target. He sees Van Damme do the spin kick and he's like, I need a new sprinkler.

[Brian Bishop]

Should I go with abs or PVC or maybe just galvanized? I mean, I'll surprise myself tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

But I see your point though, because. And the gay gentleman who had no idea what Tango and Cash was, you feel bad for a guy like that. Because when you see a sweet 80s action movie and you see a bunch of shitty cars driving around, you know you're about to see a car chase. Because they only wrecked really crappy cars back then.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my favorite. Every time it was the funniest thing in the world. But I learned that early and often watching the acclaimed series Chips. And I would see them pull up into like a four way stop sign and it'd be like, there's a 74 matador and there's a fucking VW Bug that looks like they pulled it out of a lake. And there's a car that I think just coasted up to that I don't think it's running. And I'd go, why those four? And then a second later, dump truck would run over all of them and I'd go, oh, that's why there were four piles of shit parked there because they all just got totaled. And here comes truck.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta look for the ones with the dents in them because they didn't get it on the first take.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, you know what bothers me? And not only, not only chase scenes, but underpants. Pre existing skid marks. I don't like it. If you'll see, you can use it. Use your TiVo wisely. You can see the skid mark where they did the E brake 180, but this is take four because they didn't quite land it the first three. And you'll see pre existing skid marks as he's driving up to it that are the 180E brake skid marks. You go, what are the chances someone else did that same move in that same spot?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a high car chase area.

[Brian Bishop]

It left this reviewer cold again, which

[Allison Rosen]

is not the same. But hair inconsistency. I always notice it. Women's hair moves between scenes and no one else. They don't seem to take the proper precautions.

[Adam Carolla]

It's usually it's an intense moment, and she's yelling at a guy, and, like, one strand of her hair is attached to the lipstick. And then when she's done yelling at him, boom. Somebody. You know what really upsets me now that we're all off on this tangent? It's when somebody's drinking, like, a beer, and they have a couple sips of beer, then the next thing you know, the beer's down here. Because someone in continuity. In continuity, they always. They usually hire a continuity guy.

[Christian Harloff]

Well, let me jump on mine.

[Allison Rosen]

Pay more attention to hair and beer.

[Christian Harloff]

I hate shitty extras. I hate extras who overdo it. Like, they get this shit.

[Allison Rosen]

We were just talking about that.

[Christian Harloff]

Oh, it drives me crazy. We just watched it with a pilot that's coming out that the J.J. abrams won the revolution and all. There's some horrendous extras.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we just had this conversation on the show, which is, it happens not only in movies, it happens in sitcoms. It happens in commercials. I've seen it. You'll always see it with, like, a waiter. And, like, Ben Stiller does something stupid, and the waiter's like, oh, boy. Like, big face shaking me.

[Christian Harloff]

They're gonna notice me.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's what happens when you get no lines. You go, what's my only chance? And there's this thing where they go, God damn it, come hell or high water, I am acting. I will fucking act, and you will see every ounce of my acting face. And they do it. And because the focus is on Ben Stiller's performance or whoever the star is, they're not looking at the guy who's over his shoulder acting the fuck out of the scene. Yes. That would drive me nuts. But I can tell you, most those extras are shitty actors. The hardest thing to do, acting wise, is to be natural or to sort of let. Like when I was doing the man show once, we had a guy and he was. All he was supposed to do is, like, be a bum. And I was supposed to pop up, like, out of thin air, like out of Bewitched kind of a thing. And he was supposed to look at his bottle of booze, dump it out and shake his head like, they did it like in the 70s sitcoms. Like, I don't know about this. Every time Samantha would pop up downtown in an alley, there'd be some bum doing the. I gotta give up the old Night Train. Like, oh, boy, this guy could not do it. Like, he would dump it out. It would completely dump it out. Then he would shake his head really hard, or he would shake his Head first. And then he would dump it out, and he'd just. Just like. And you realize some of the hardest stuff to do is the nuanced stuff. Like, if you told a guy, you gotta run out of here screaming, fire as loud as you can. No problem. But if you just say, just give a look like, huh? Or I don't know about that. Like, look like, geez, who is this guy? But don't do a big over the top.

[Christian Harloff]

They start doing Jim Carrey.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they start doing Jim Carrey. The nuanced stuff is the hardest stuff for these guys to do.

[Adam Carolla]

And they had this temptation, too. Whenever there's a crowded subway and the camera pans around a crowd, there's always that one idiot that just can't resist looking right at the camera. He's got to stare right at the camera.

[Brian Bishop]

They call it flashing the camera.

[Adam Carolla]

Flashing the camera.

[Christian Harloff]

I'm a bit of a hypocrite because I was in point of origin, if anyone knows what the hell this thing is, as an extra work.

[Brian Bishop]

Great, Leo.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we're on the podcast.

[Christian Harloff]

I ordered a rummy Coke and I. I definitely. I was like 20, and I definitely overdid it. And the director yelled at me,

[Brian Bishop]

like, screaming like Pacino.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

So that's. So I guess. I guess I'm bringing it up because that's my own insecurity.

[Adam Carolla]

So all you listening out there, going to central casting, hoping to get some under 5 working. Don't stare at the camera. And for God's sakes, nuance.

[Christian Harloff]

Yes, nuance.

[Brian Bishop]

Small. Great ass. All right. Shall we? Should we do schmoes? You want to hang out? We'll do a little news with you all.

[Christian Harloff]

Let's do it.

[Brian Bishop]

The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison.

[Caller/Guest]

Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

I should tell you that today's show, sponsored by Encore Insurance Services llc, for free life insurance, quote, call. Most people tell you to call next week. I say call today. 866-347-5748. Or you can visit their website at smartterm.com thinking about getting some life insurance or maybe just want to upgrade? How about you save some money? You're paying too much. Call Encore. Let them help you save. They compare premiums of highly rated insurers that they represent, and they help you save money. That's how it Works. Let them go to work for you. 866-347-5748. Licensing and Disclaimer information can be found on their [e-mail] smartterm.com alright, Alison, what do we got?

[Allison Rosen]

The first story is out of Florida, but get this. It doesn't involve someone eating someone's face or anything. Someone without eyebrows on meth or anything super fucked up.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Allison Rosen]

It actually, it's an un fucking up of a situation in my opinion. Florida had, or Brevard county had banned 50 shades of gray. That's this mommy porn book.

[Adam Carolla]

They're making a movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, they unbanned it.

[Brian Bishop]

Shocking.

[Christian Harloff]

Why do they banned it in the first place? Because it was too dirty.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but then the library services department came out and said they're against censorship and they're gonna reinstate it.

[Brian Bishop]

Is there one dude that's read this book? It's all chicks, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm single.

[Christian Harloff]

I'm sure there was.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, no, I haven't read it yet. I'm the guy that likes romantic comedies. I haven't touched this book. Now you have a wife.

[Dennis Prager]

Has she read it?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it's not a rom com though.

[Christian Harloff]

But I'm sure there was somebody on that last segment, the gay segment, that had read it. But I don't think any straight men have read that.

[Allison Rosen]

I downloaded it to my iPad cause I thought I could go for a dirty novel. And I literally fell asleep as I was reading the beginning of it and I was like, where are the hot scenes? I can't find them. It's like what I imagine a porn with way too much plot would be. There's a lot of actual reading and words that has to happen before you get to anything.

[Brian Bishop]

Reading about hot scenes, and it's poorly written too, is reading about hot scenes would be like reading about highlights of a UFC fight.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

To me it's like I gotta see some footage.

[Allison Rosen]

See, I could feel a throbbing in my loins from just words.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, women. Women definitely have that. They have the imagination and they're not nearly as visual as dudes and they can read a book.

[Allison Rosen]

He's got D. Deep russet auburn hair.

[Brian Bishop]

I am getting hard now.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Deep russet.

[Brian Bishop]

No. And. And they.

[Adam Carolla]

Scott. Potato hair.

[Allison Rosen]

His long finger.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

They had.

[Brian Bishop]

He's got tater hair.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

Voiced by Cliff.

[Brian Bishop]

He had Yukon. He had a Yukon. Gold for penis. So women can read that and become stimulated. But for guys, as long as the computer's up and running, Google Images, we're going to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's why if you need a quick whatever before you go to bed, you don't want to be reading a book. Then you have to skim thumb through pages for guys. You just fast forward the porn until you see a boom before bed. It's usually not fool's gold. When you see a tit in a porn, you're usually getting somewhere.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, question. You just see a tit on screen?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What happens? Do you have to, like, is it just automatic, or do you have to talk yourself into being excited by this?

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah, you got to think about it. I mean, because it's really.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

Just to see tit flops out. I mean, we just saw Piranha 3 DD. It did nothing. Like when it's. You see tits everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, but you had a problem with those tits.

[Brian Bishop]

David Keckner was in here the other week, and he who's in piranha3dd and said he's got kids and a mortgage. That was his answer. When I asked him how he liked

[Christian Harloff]

the movie, I didn't figure it as much. It was like, you know, mob hit or something. I mean, there's some kind of deal, but like, it. Yeah, but to answer your question, like, Ceelos hits. No, but if it was someone like Jessica Alba was showing her tits, then I'm getting a little more excited.

[Adam Carolla]

Famous tits. Famous boobs are pretty sweet.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you say Ceelo's tits?

[Christian Harloff]

No, Jessica, I saw Ceelo's tits. I might get a heart on.

[Brian Bishop]

I first I thought, by the way, Ceelo, it probably does have tits, right?

[Christian Harloff]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

You just came up with America's favorite new game show because all you see is the tits. You have to guess if it's a really fat dude or if it's a really attractive chick.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go, Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But I. But, but, but do you think fat dudes, man, are gonna be the same as an attractive man? Unless she has weird tits.

[Brian Bishop]

Pour it in a storm.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm pitching this to now.

[Christian Harloff]

Precious has the same type of tits.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that I. I think ABC or an NBC or somebody like that could clean it up enough, you know, make it look good at.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know what you do when you pitch it? You go. You go, you guys heard about this show that's all the fucking rage in London.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And they go, what?

[Sponsor/Announcer]

What is it?

[Brian Bishop]

You go, you know, maybe this is a little too hot for you. I'm gonna take it across the street to cvs. And they go, no, no, no, no. Oh, it's huge. You're fucking buzzing about it in Britain it's called dude, are those your tits? And really, are you sure it's from Britain? Absolutely. So guys with accents thought it was a good idea? 100%. All right, let's do it.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. Signing. Cowell's production company fought hard for it.

[Brian Bishop]

Then you're in.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's the thing. Since we're American, whoever loses, they get slimed right afterwards.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's lactated on, but, yeah, close your milked. That's right. All right, where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

Here's a movie story. Alf creator, alf, the wonderful sitcom. Paul busco thinks that the timing is right for an ALF movie.

[Mark Ellis]

Hell yeah, it is.

[Brian Bishop]

He's thought that for 31 years now.

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, it's really right. That's a big important thing, timing. There have been movies out there of characters that I didn't think were on the same parallel as alf that got movies made. So I think it's time. I think it could be a home run on a lot of levels.

[Mark Ellis]

Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah. But this is going to go back to your problem before Adam. It's gonna be cgi. It's not gonna be the puppet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Just like the people who. From the producers of super Mario brothers. The movie comes. Yeah. The timing's not right because, well, it's about as right as it was for land of the lost. Like, huh?

[Allison Rosen]

And here's the best part that I learned from this article. This is what he says. When I used to write an episode and couldn't come up with a line for alf, I needed something really funny. I would actually ask Alfred. I would actually put the character on, and the character would just tell me what the line was.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

See, here's what's hilarious. I do a great alf.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't. Awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Al Gordon chumway's his real name from melmac originally. Here's why it'd be great to have an alf movie now, because they would cgi. So this puppeteer guy who's bait, he's on his last legs. He needs a paycheck. That's why he wants the movie. They'll cgi, so they're like, hey, we'll take your idea. We are making an ALF movie. You can work at craft services because we don't need a puppeteer anymore. Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

Fifty shades of elf.

[Brian Bishop]

I need a cat. All right, mark, you want to be alf, and I'll be. I'll be the creator with writer's block. Alf, I need your help on this one. What's happening, buddy? Well, we got the scene where? You're in the kitchen. I love it already. I know, but hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

You're always behind that counter. Anyway, you're in the kitchen and the boss is coming over for dinner.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's hilarious.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? I know. He's coming in and this is a big deal because I can't remember, even though I created this sitcom. The dad of the house, Willie. His name's Willy. Yeah, Willie. Willie won't get the big raise. And the problem is the lasagna is burnt and the boss is on his way. The lasagna is burnt. I think I did that. Yeah, you did. You did. But I need you to stall the guy. Now, that's my dilemma. And I'm trying to think of a funny way for you to stall him.

[Mark Ellis]

I got it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll say, hey, that's a nice pussy you got there.

[Brian Bishop]

And he's holding a cat. Okay, that's good. That's good. By the way, I need to fuck your mouth later.

[Dennis Prager]

Hope you're cool.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't answer. Oh, it's great.

[Allison Rosen]

It works. The creative process. Right in front of our very eyes and ears.

[Adam Carolla]

How many times did that dirty puppet get fucked up?

[Christian Harloff]

Yeah, it's hairdo. It's like something about Mary.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Excuse me. Look, we're having a problem with makeup. Can you not climax on the puppet?

[Brian Bishop]

Can you get a sock? Yeah. Remember when he used to. When ALF used to swallow during season one? I know, but he doesn't do that anymore. I know, but if he could just get back to swallowing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm almost there, Willy.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm almost there, Willy.

[Christian Harloff]

ALF from Cumsung.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

All right.

[Caller/Guest]

Fun.

[Adam Carolla]

See, now they need to make this movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't think we're gonna do much better than that, are we, Allison?

[Allison Rosen]

No. Well, no, that's the news. Okay, just a tiny bit.

[Brian Bishop]

Because Al from Cum Sock, you're gonna do better than that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's intergalactic. It's 80s puppetry.

[Brian Bishop]

It's tough to beat.

[Allison Rosen]

Try Mr. Oreo, the creator of the Oreo filling died.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, good. I hate Oreos.

[Allison Rosen]

That's why I bring it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, dude, that's the scene in the movie where everybody's partying, we're having a good time. Hey, things are gonna work out, right? And then we find out the star quarterback got killed in a car crash.

[Brian Bishop]

Mark, you say in alf's voice.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Brian Bishop]

That's not filling.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's not filling. But you wanted me to eulogize the guy urine.

[Allison Rosen]

My point. And it sounded like I said urine. The guy, the principal scientist at Nabisco, responsible for all the Oreoness. According to his son, hardly ever ate Oreos.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Cause he was smart.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. Because they're not that good. We don't think Oreos are that good. We think they're overrated.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not Hydrox people, are you?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

And it should be low or medium drocks. There's no or. Maybe you just have to be that high to enjoy the Hydrox. I do love.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that where the filling has beef in it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, that was the rumor in school was that it was always cow ejaculate, which is what they make the cream out of.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Still wouldn't stop me from having my second bite. I'd be like, tell me more about this cow ejaculate theory. Give me another one of those.

[Adam Carolla]

This cow gum's terrific.

[Brian Bishop]

Pass the milk. I feel like the Oreo is the most overrated cookie in that. I have like, 11 cookies. First off, Petridge Farms makes everything Petridge Farms makes. I like more in Entenmann's and a few other companies I like more than Oreos. I don't have in the top of my. Whatever. And if you start explaining how you eat it or what you dunk it in, you're apologizing for your cookie.

[Adam Carolla]

So you don't think that a real cookie needs the milk there?

[Allison Rosen]

He knows it doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't need a dipping sauce with your cookie is what you're saying.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm saying it's like when people talk about certain music and they go, oh, don't tell me. When you're drinking rum on the beach in Jamaica, being blown after just winning the lottery, that reggae music doesn't sound pretty good. And it's like, yeah, but not when I'm in my car and in traffic. It doesn't sound pretty good. You know what I mean? If you're gonna do the. If you heat it and you twist it and you dunk it in a little half and half, and then, you know, you get a nice massage, those hot rock massages while you. Yeah, everything's good. Under those circumstances we just laid out on a table and you compare it to other cookies, it comes in somewhere below the 50. 50 cut to me, there's at least 35 different. First off, there's five Girl Scout cookies I probably like more than the Oreo.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But you guys, I got thin mints, I got the peanut butter ones, and then I might have that in third. Yeah.

[Christian Harloff]

Like Regular homemade cookies. I'm one of those assets.

[Adam Carolla]

I just want something soft. I want soft baked at this point in my life. I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

That shit'll scrape up the roof of your mouth. That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Oh, man. Great. Get these guys a man. Great. We're giving away too many of those things.

[Mark Ellis]

Let him fight over it to the death.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, there's two of them in a box, so you can both go home.

[Adam Carolla]

I want both.

[Brian Bishop]

100 cast iron. 100% made America steakhouse quality grilling. 20 bucks, man. Pound for pound. Best 20 bucks. Pick it up. Try picking that up, Mark. Holy God. Talk about it in Alf's voice, please. Hey, Willie, I got you a man grade for your anniversary. You must get tons of pussy with that voice.

[Mark Ellis]

Alf.

[Brian Bishop]

My wife doesn't want a man.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Great.

[Brian Bishop]

Just click the man great [e-mail]. 20 bucks. Man great banner. 20 bucks. And you get the grill and brush with my logo seared right into it. I was using that brush for my hair. Allison Rosen is your new best friend, by the way. Available now on our app and at itunes. Guest on today's episode. Oh, Garfunkel and Oates. Love those chicks. Live at the ucb, which I heard was fan fantabulous.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

And from multiple sources, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's so nice. Yeah, it went really well. It was really fun.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I didn't trust the first one. I went to a second and it was verified.

[Allison Rosen]

At least you're doing your due diligence.

[Brian Bishop]

We're gonna be doing my book debut from Caroline's in New York City. Special guest Artie Lang. And you can watch live online, 8pm Eastern, June 12. Or read the book. We'll make some jokes. It's a good time. Use the link on our site to register through Citrix. Only the first 10,000 to sign on can watch. So go to our site and do the math. Christian Mark. Schmoes. No schmoes. No movies. YouTube.com schmozno and also the website schmoznow. Again with a K. No. And the Twitter Schmozno. Thanks, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And make sure that if all those people listening out there. We're trying to get to a hundred thousand subscribers on YouTube by the end of the year.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're getting up there.

[Adam Carolla]

So you just go to YouTube.com schmoznow and all you have to do is hit subscribe. You never pay to see a bad movie, maybe you get a good ALF impression.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, that's.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go. You just got that half million. Until next time, this is Adam Kroll for Christian Mark, Adam Allison and Ball Bryant saying mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

With so many Latin cocks around, feathers are bound to fly.

[Brian Bishop]

O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, man, O'Reilly. Love these guys. Gonna get into it with O'Reilly because I got a car race coming up in about six or seven weeks and it's time for prep. You want to keep your car on the road, you do it with O'Reilly. There's not many issues I can't figure out, but. But if I can't, I always go to O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or online, so you never worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly, right? Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam. All right, Those Adam Krillin show 837 never yet played before in this feat. Come up next, we have Adam Krillin show 839. Just two episodes later with with Dennis Prager. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

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[Brian Bishop]

Fantastic.

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[Adam Carolla]

That is so effective on Pluto TV.

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Stream now, pay never.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate. Get it on. And I'm so happy to have one of my favorite gentlemen in the studio, the great Dennis Prager. I hold him in such high regard. Still the best hope the name of his book, which I'm currently reading. And. And I hear you and I understand it and I know that feeling because there's a part of you, Dennis, that grew up in such a way that you're not supposed to be talking about your book. And you're not supposed to be telling people to buy your book. And there's a part of you that probably hears your mother's voice saying, nobody needs to pay you to hear your voice. I can hear your voice for free. And the kitchen, as a matter of fact, you're so loud the neighbors can hear it as well. But then there's another part of you that thinks, wait a minute. I've sunk five years of my life into this. This is important to me. And I don't want them to read it for me. I want them to read it for them.

[Dennis Prager]

Wow. Do you understand how I think it's eerie to hear your brain back to you? But that's exactly what you did. And I am torn beyond words because I don't know how to. Well, I guess people who really know me and a lot of my listeners really do know me.

[Caller/Guest]

Me.

[Dennis Prager]

But a lot of your listeners may not know me or not know me well. And it may seem unbelievable that it's overwhelmingly idealistic, my desire that people read this. But I don't know how to prove it. I guess the best way I could prove it is I could have done a wonderful book on, let's say, male, female relations, a subject I talk about a lot, which would have been 1/2 as long and 1/2 the work and done that right. But I didn't. I chose this cuz I worry about America.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And Dennis and I are going out, by the way, on tour. We've gone out. We had a great time. It is flattering to me that somebody of your ilk would consider me worthy to go on the same stage with you. Such a great mind. A man who's lectured on all seven continents and has done lectures in Russian and Hebrew. That sounds. Is that your phone, by the way? Yes.

[Dennis Prager]

It's not, actually. The phone part is vibrate. I feel terrible that this sound came out.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry.

[Dennis Prager]

I promise I'll get rid of it.

[Brian Bishop]

We're coming to a town near you, and we're coming to the Bayou Music center in Houston. And then we're coming to Phoenix. This is July 12th and July 14th, and we're coming to Florida and Dallas. And you can go to my website and you can see.

[Dennis Prager]

By the way, I'm equally flattered. You're terrific. I'm glad you're flattered. It means a lot to me. But you are extraordinary and we have a chemistry that's very rare. I get a huge charge out of being on stage with you and I know that people who've heard it have loved it, and they should, because it's both deep and funny. And that's a very rare combination to be deep and funny.

[Brian Bishop]

And if you'd like to hear us at Redondo beach or us in San Diego, that's available on itunes and my website. So, Dennis, let's focus on your book, because I really was going through it and picking apart the chapters, and you and I think alike, and

[Dennis Prager]

I don't

[Brian Bishop]

want to put words in your mouth, but I believe there's a right and a wrong, and I don't believe in the. Well, that's just your opinion. I believe in. For 99% of things, it's hard to tell people the music they like stinks. Although if you're listening to ranchero music, you have horrible taste in music. But if it's music, or even if it's a woman and you like redheads and I like blondes, that's your business. But when it comes to events that shape the world and especially things that have to do with this country, I don't believe that's your opinion, and that's his opinion. I believe there is a right and a wrong. And I'm somehow confused that there's so much discussion over, for instance, just taxes and just whether that will stimulate the economy or drive business out of the city or out of the state that's creating the taxes. I had a guy in here from Nissan because I have my old Datsun race cars back there. And I had one of the head guys from Nissan's a fan. He came by and they used to be out here in Southern California, and now they're in Tennessee and they're opening up another plant. And he told me about 10 of their cars, all the different models and all the different things that they're moving. And I said to him, although I knew the answer, but I just decided to ask him, why did you guys decide to move to Tennessee? And he just said, taxes, business friendly. And now they're opening another plant.

[Dennis Prager]

Well, here is the point that drives me the craziest. If a person really does believe in high taxes, okay, that's their philosophical position. They just want a leveling of incomes. They don't like the fact that there's any real gap between incomes. I don't personally care so long as the people with the lower income are living a decent life. But, okay. What drives me crazy is when Hollywood gets behind the higher and higher tax policies of a given president and then seeks out benefits, tax benefits, in every state of the country to leave California, where the taxes are high.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

So high taxes are great. Except for us.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Somebody tweeted me today that Battlefield LA was shot in Louisiana.

[Dennis Prager]

Yeah, that's about right. Exactly.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And that's. I've said it on this show before, but I don't believe I've told you. Bryan Cranston, who's a great actor and does a show called Breaking Bad, which is hugely successful, was supposed to be shot in Riverside, California, the meth capital of the world. And they shoot it in New Mexico. And I know because I drove him to the Burbank airport so he could get on a plane and go to New Mexico for three months along with the crew and along with everybody else and the millions of dollars that are being dumped into that system. And more importantly, not a nickel being spent here in Los Angeles because somebody gave him a break. I don't understand the hypocrisy. I don't understand how they can keep a straight face when they talk about taxes. They are the tip of the spear of the people. You know, other people cannot do what they do. Like for Nissan to pick up and leave, that is a big uprooting. That's a big job. You have to take all these people, you have to build a new factory. But for an actor, all you have to do is go to Toronto for five weeks, shoot your thing and then come back. Film crews do it all the time. The thing that's bizarre and the hypocrisy of it is that they go and come back and then continue their retarded argument about taxes and then leave again and then come back and continue the argument again.

[Dennis Prager]

Because as you say, it's not based on the question of what is true or what is right, but rather how do I feel about it. And it feels good to say I want the rich taxed. That's it. It feels good. It feels noble. You feel better about yourself, your self esteem rises. But when you are put to the test, you will do everything possible to avoid those taxes. And if that's not hypocrisy, and I hate to use the word because I don't mind that people are inconsistent with their ideals. But this is not inconsistency, this is truly hypocrisy. Democracy. Let's raise the taxes. But where it concerns us, we'll do everything to avoid them.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And of course they all have corporations and loan out corps and Nevada corporations and they all have accountants and they all have guys that are paid a lot of Money to. I'm sure they all drive a corporate car. They start a corporation, then they lease a car to that corporation. And they have a bunch of guys who get paid a bunch of money to pay as little as possible. I don't begrudge them that. I do the exact same thing. That's the way you don't set up.

[Dennis Prager]

Yeah, but you don't call for higher taxes.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the part that pisses me off.

[Dennis Prager]

Yeah, that's right. And who is rich, by the way? You know, the new. Every time the president and others speak about the rich, they talk about billionaires and maybe millionaires, but it always applies to people earning $200,000. And they're not rich. I'm sorry, they're not not. People earning $200,000 at a family of four in any major urban center isn't rich.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

They're not starving, but they're surely not rich.

[Brian Bishop]

And even the poor aren't poor. And that's correct.

[Dennis Prager]

They all have television sets, cars, refrigerators, cell phones, cable tv, air conditioning.

[Brian Bishop]

Who doesn't have a cell phone? You know what I mean? I mean. And luck. The point is this. Everybody says, look, what do you got against the poor? What do you got for the rich? I don't have anything against or for anybody. I want everyone just to go out there and make their own way. That's what this country is to me. I don't want anybody trying to adjust the playing field one direction or the other to get. It's a chess game. And I don't want a big wind to kick up and knock it one way or knock it the other. Get way flat. Everyone plays by the same rules. I understand there's always going to be some cheaters. And I always understand there's going to be some people at the bottom that are cheating the system and people at the top that are cheating the system. That's not going to be mean. It's not going to be you level it out. May the best man win and let us go do our own thing.

[Dennis Prager]

Right. Well, that's why you love. I guess it's part of the reason that you love the American value system, which. Which I define in my book because people don't know the definition. That's what. That's why I wrote it. This passion that I have to explain American values to Americans and to the world. I think it's the greatest system. I am certain. No, I don't think I am certain. It is the greatest system that has ever been devised to make a better country and a better world. And it's what I call the American trinity and it's on every coin. Liberty in God we trust. E pluribus utter unum from many one. And that I explained those three and I counter pose them to other value systems. And you love liberty and liberty's number one, right? And liberty is more important than equality and liberty is more important than health. Hey look, Mayor Bloomberg, I'm sure you've talked about this, right? You know you can't have a drink more than 16 ounces of sugary drink, right? In New York. That's what he wants to do. So I said on my show about five times, I said, you know what? I rather have an obese free people than a thin non free people.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And I agree. And I want the government to sort of be like the Secret Service, which is do your job but don't let me see you doing it. You just stand to the side and protect me from the terrorists or from

[Dennis Prager]

whomever and then enable me to get free.

[Brian Bishop]

But don't get in my way, right?

[Dennis Prager]

That's right. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

If I want to get fat, I can get fat.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

And again, I don't know why we're so enamored with the government. I don't know who thinks they're gonna do anything for them. I don't know historically when they have, I mean, at least for able bodied people. Obviously there's certain programs that need to exist.

[Dennis Prager]

Of course, everybody recognizes that we're not anarchists. Exactly right.

[Brian Bishop]

And I want air traffic controllers and I want cops and I want firemen. And then after that, right, not mug, not much. Let's see, who can be the most successful. And it drives me nuts when people talk about the schools and the money and the money that needs to be given to the schools. Because I think about all a school needs is parents that care. That's what a school needs. It's not about equipment.

[Dennis Prager]

Basically that's all that kids need.

[Brian Bishop]

Even that's all that kids need. That's all anybody needs. And I've said it once, I'll say it again, again. I'll give your people and your tribe a little love. It was all explained. I have to get into this with my wife all the time because it's always about the private school, the institution. This school provides this, this school has this academic curriculum, so on and so forth. I went to school the perfect time and a perfect place as a perfect social experiment. It was North Hollywood High, 1979-1982. And I was right in the middle of it because I had this unique perspective of having Jewish friends from the hills. Hebrew Heights as we called it. Laurel Wood up there, Hebrew Heights. I had my Hebrew Heights friends and I had my Jeff Bucks and my Alex Aratos and my Nate Wittenbergs and all my Jewish friends up in the Hammer Hills. Then I had my Georgia Scares and George Espinosa and my Latino friends from down in the Valley. Then I had my Chris Bohm's and my Ray Oldhoffers, which is my white trash friends from the Valley. And then we had the brothers who were bused in from South Central. We had the Melvin Royals and the Michael Odoms of the world. And I played football with all these dudes except the Jews, right? They played on the tennis team. Either way, we all went to the same school and we all had the same teachers and we all walked the same halls and ate the same lunch and there was nothing that was different from any of us. Except there was one factor. Parents. The Jewish kids. Their families for the most part were intact. The parents stayed together, the kids did their homework. The parents were involved. Now when it came time to graduate North Hollywood High, the Jewish kids went off to Stanford and Cal and Berkeley. Cal Berkeley and ucla. And the black kids went back to South Central and the Mexican kids worked with me and Ray doing construction. Construction, That's. And when I say construction, I mean digging ditches. That's what we did. Because our parents were divorced and apathetic and the Jewish parents weren't. So is it the school? Is there something inherently wrong with North Hollywood High? No. Is there something inherently right with North Hollywood High circa 1982? No. It's just a flat playing field. And the folks that studied the hardest with the parents that stayed intact and had a family. And by the way, these people weren't rich. I don't like when people had nothing to do with money. Nothing card.

[Dennis Prager]

Of course not.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, they were dripping with. No, they were just working class people. They were intact. They took care of their kids, they kept after their kids and their kids ended up going to Stanford and ucla.

[Dennis Prager]

There is in my book still the best hope. There's a about four pages on a judge in Kansas City as about 20 years ago ordered the Kansas City. Ordered Kansas City to spend a billion dollars.

[Brian Bishop]

I was looking at that. Can you find that?

[Dennis Prager]

I guess if you look up Kansas City in the index, maybe that might. Might do it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, keep going. Sorry.

[Dennis Prager]

And it's quite all right. I felt you're thumbing through it.

[Brian Bishop]

I read it and I can't remember where.

[Dennis Prager]

No, I wrote it and I can't remember. So that's, that's quite all right. But a billion dollars. They made a state of the art computer center, Olympic swimming pool, a beautiful building, the best in the country. And grades did not improve by 1 percentage point.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

It's all everything in life. Everything is value, values, everything. Right. Not economics, it's values. And we have lost this. It's like poverty causes crime. Baloney. Crappy values and a malfunctioning conscience cause crime.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Yes. And as you believe, as I believe, there's folks on the left that are just constantly studying folks that aren't doing as well. And I always argue the ultimate form of racism where you're sort of looking at a group, sometimes a group black, Hispanic, what have you and wondering what's wrong? Why aren't they doing well? But you're studying them like a herd of animals rather than human beings. And then you're trying to come up with ways to remedy this, when the way to remedy this is to level the field and demand and expect that they do the same as everyone else around them.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dennis Prager]

Here's the answer to virtually every societal problem. Here goes. Number one, graduate high school. Number two, have a baby after you get married. Or let's put it this way, number two is get married. Number three, have a baby after you get married. And number four, have a job. That's it.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Dennis Prager]

That's it. 95% of you who do that will do fine in life.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. I completely concur. Now, we talk about, and you talk about on your show, hobbies and having a passion, and I feel that way. And I have, as you've seen in the back of my shop here, many hobbies. And I really feel like that's a part of life that is not. I don't know, maybe it's going the way of the dodo a little bit. I'm trying to think because. Because there used to be a concrete form of hobbies which would be I'm bird watching or I'm playing the harp, or I'm collecting such and such albums, or I'm playing such and such an instrument or stamps or butterflies or whatever it is. It was building ships and bottles, model airplanes. It was a tangible. Now I feel like the hobby, the, that sort of physical hobby is maybe being replaced by virtual hobby, which is watching other people on the computer. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Dennis Prager]

Oh, I do. Well, why did we have hobbies and I still do as you do. I mean, they're a big part of my life. Just yesterday, I was in Newport Beach, California, at the stereo show because I'm crazy in stereo. If I have an article coming out in the next issue of Absolute Sound, I'm such so crazy about the hobby because I love music and I love great reproduction of music. We had hobbies because we needed to entertain ourselves. Now we are being entertained. There's all the difference in the world between entertaining yourself and being entertained by others.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Dennis Prager]

That's the whole difference.

[Brian Bishop]

And where do you come down? Because I feel as well that the. Again, don't let me put words in your mouth, but I feel like your brain is a muscle muscle, and it needs to be exercised. And it can atrophy, just like a bicep can atrophy if you never lift anything. And then there's a form of going to the gym. Now, maybe playing chess is a form of exercise for your brain, maybe working out crossword puzzles or what have you. But sitting around and watching other people play chess or solve crossword puzzles is a way to have your brain atrophy. And again, I get into it. Into it, my wife, all the time, which is this constant stimulation we're supposed to be throwing toward our kids. What are they gonna be doing? God forbid they have a Saturday where they're just sort of left on their own to entertain themselves. And I feel like I had a ton of downtime as a child. I had tons of. There's nothing going on. I have no TV in my room. Hobokeli sucks. I don't know. Bad TV show from my childhood. And I'm just gonna go outside and see if I can find a tree branch that resembles a slingshot. And I'll spend the whole afternoon trying to cut it and carve it and whittle it so I can go Dennis the Menace on my neighbor's ass.

[Dennis Prager]

I would go to my grandparents on a weekend. My parents would drop me off Friday, pick me up Sunday. My grandparents would.

[Brian Bishop]

I can already smell it, by the way.

[Dennis Prager]

My grandparents would nap on Saturday afternoon. So I was completely alone to do nothing. And there was no tv, nothing. And I remember hours. Hours I would sit by a. There was a swivel chair. No back, just a swivel seat that was at their piano that was out of tune and had been out of tune since Lincoln.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Dennis Prager]

And I played bus driver. I was the bus driver, and that was my wheel. And that was all I did.

[Brian Bishop]

So it was like one of those stools like an old time piano would do.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right. Yes, exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

And that's it. So the question now what modern parents would say is, look at poor Dennis over there, not being stimulated.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

But I realized the reason. And I think you with the lecturing on seven continents and writing multiple books and being syndicated radio personality and lecturing all over the world, I would say it's fair to say you landed on your feet intellectually. So how is it that little Dennis over there wasn't going brain wasn't going to waste? See, I think it's quite the opposite, which is you're now engaging and forcing your brain to work.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right. Yep. And that's right. And I learned never to be bored. Whenever I was a camp counselor or a teacher, which I was, I was both. And a kid would say to me or my own kids, I'm bored. I'd say, you're not bored, you're boring.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

And it was a very big lesson because they never thought of it that way. They always thought, all right, solve it for me. If I'm bored, I'm gonna solve your boredom. There's something wrong with you if you're bored. How could you be bored? Look at what is available to you in this world to be interested in.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Yes, I agree. And I like that. Tough love. And by the way, Dennis, not only a great dad, but I'm guessing not a vegan.

[Dennis Prager]

No, but actually I became a fishetarian in the last year.

[Brian Bishop]

This is perfect for you then. This is called the man grate. It is sitting directly in front of you. It is 100% cast iron and 100% made in America, just like our guest steakhouse. Try to lift that if you would, but I know you got a bad neck, so careful. Take a slow.

[Dennis Prager]

God.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. That's right. No more flare ups, no more dry meat. Throw your fish on that bad boy that goes right over the top of your grill.

[Dennis Prager]

I will, I will. I love it. And anyway, we make meat for everybody else, so that's great.

[Brian Bishop]

20 bucks.

[Dennis Prager]

Is that for me?

[Brian Bishop]

That's for you. That's $20, Dennis. Can you imagine? Is there more pop per ounce in this world than the mangrate? Mangrate? You can go to the mangrate [e-mail] and you click that and you get the deal. 20 bucks.

[Dennis Prager]

I recommend it, folks. If nothing else, you'll use it as a weightlifting device.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, don't let those go.

[Dennis Prager]

100% cast iron.

[Brian Bishop]

So let's talk about race and race issues for a moment because you and I come down on about the same place on this. First off, I'm like you. I've not signed off on this notion that we're a racist culture and a racist society were the least racist in

[Dennis Prager]

the history of mankind.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And every time we had this happen the other day, every time one of these lists come out, it's the Forbes, you know, Hollywood 100 most powerful. Not even the richest, just the most powerful. I always laugh and go, all right, let's see just what a racist, sexist society we're living in. And this year it was Jennifer Lopez was number one and Oprah was number two. And out of the top 10, I think there were six or seven women. And out of the six or seven women, four or five of them were some ethnicity other than white. And I say it every time, by the way, if we are the most, if we are racist, we're doing a horrible job.

[Dennis Prager]

Well, that's a great point. Well, I again, forgive me for keep going back to the book, but it is all there because I so want to make this case. Do you know most people don't know this. It was pointed out by a late great writer who noted. More this is about 25 years ago. Already more black Africans have come to the United States voluntarily as immigrants than ever came as slaves.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I read that in your book. Yes.

[Dennis Prager]

It's just a great little statistic to know. Obviously blacks around the world don't think they're moving from an all black society to a predominantly non black society and are going to have a hard time.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

They know how little racism there is in the United States. If you're from Nigeria, we couldn't care less. That's just the case. Welcome. You come from Nigeria, you come from Sweden, you come from Argentina, you want to work hard, we love you.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But I do believe when they say, like let's talk about the black community, they say, well, a cab driver won't pick us up. And I have a couple answers to that. One is where's the cab driver from? From? Because it's not a blue eyed, blonde haired guy who's smoking a pipe and driving that cab. At least not in my experience. I've traveled this country and every, you know, so a black man will say, try to get a cab in Manhattan. That's how racist our society is.

[Dennis Prager]

Yeah, but there are no white cab drivers in Manhattan.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Not only Manhattan. Right.

[Dennis Prager]

Or la or Minnesota.

[Brian Bishop]

I was in Minnesota. I'm okay. I'M always checking, where is that place? I travel the country like you do. I jump in cabs all the time and every once in a while I'll see a white face and then I'll hear, you know, and I'm like, oh, okay, he's Croat, you know. So first off folks, if you're making the assertion that the cab drivers are racist, well, they're from a different country. Nine times out of 10, they weren't born here in the United States. And secondly, whatever it is, they have learned for right or for wrong, they have an idea. And I'll give you an example. Tragically, a couple of Chinese, I think, exchange students were just executed in their car at USC a few weeks ago. A few months ago. It was tough because I had to do a lecture at the Marshall School of Business over at USC the following day after these two Chinese students were essentially executed. Now they were sitting in their BMW, they were sitting next to campus, it was in the evening and they both were just shot in their car and killed. I don't believe there was a robbery. There wasn't any. Now we called it, the news called it a botched carjacking. Later on they, they apprehended the two guys, they were both black and they were both in a gang and they were both 19 or 20 years old. Why by the way, that's not a hate crime. I don't know. If it was the other way around, it would definitely be a hate crime. There was nothing stolen. It somehow turns into a botched carjacking. But anyway, how are you going to explain to the next set of Chinese students that come to USC when you see the 19 year old black guy on the other side of the street? Do not fear, do not fear him. You can't explain that to them because they saw what happened and they know what happened here. And I don't know, you see, and then people say to me, well look what you're saying. You're saying you should fear all black people. No, I'm just saying good luck getting the next set of, of those people to come over here and not want to cross the street when they see the 19 year old young black man,

[Dennis Prager]

Jesse Jackson himself, in an unguarded moment, but it's recorded, said that if he's in the street in certain areas, I believe it was Chicago and it's at night and there are footsteps behind him and he turns around, he's relieved to see that it's a white person. Yes, Jesse Jackson said that. Well, does that make him A racist? Does that make him a self hating black? Black. It's a tragic fact that blacks are disproportionately involved in violent crime in the United States. As you began the show. There are facts and there are opinions. There are maybe opinions as to why, but the fact is that that is the case. Right. And it's terrible. And it does blacks no good, no help. It is of no good to black America to deny it and to say it's a racist white or a racist Hispanic who will say that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's what I'm talking about. And I believe you come from the same place, which is there is a problem to be addressed. It is not going to be addressed as long as we decide that cab drivers are racist. The problem is what do they know about young black men? What have you, that community young black men brought upon themselves with a disproportionate amount of violence. And then how do we clear that up? But until we examine that, and if all we're left with is cab drivers are racist, then we'll never correct this problem.

[Dennis Prager]

That's correct. Well, it's what you are raising is one of the issues of political correctness, which is real. The taboos that have been created by a lot of the newspapers in the media who believe that honest talk about race. They say we really need an honest race conversation, but they never mean it because the moment you say something, it's like saying that if there's a terror attack, the odds are not definite, but the odds are that it was done by a Muslim. Does that mean all Muslims are terrorists? Of course not. But it means that nearly all acts of terror committed in the Western world have been done by Muslims. I mean, it's either true or not true.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's why it drives me insane to see blowhards like Tavis Smiley talking about Christian terrorists and all that. I don't know.

[Dennis Prager]

Why have that? You read it in the book. You saw that?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I saw.

[Dennis Prager]

You actually saw the thing. It cited word for word in the book that he could look a woman in the face, a black woman who grew up Muslim, and tell our we Christians, we commit far more acts of terror in the name of religion.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

It's mind blowing.

[Brian Bishop]

But I don't understand why, why do we have that? Why do we have to overcompensate? What is that? Why do we.

[Dennis Prager]

Because we live in the age of feelings. How do you feel more important than is it true?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

A general. It was my, I have a syndicated column. My column just this, this Week is exactly on this AM The A major general in the US army said that he was. That if you're a soldier and you commit suicide, it's. It's a selfish act.

[Brian Bishop]

I heard that on your show.

[Dennis Prager]

He got blasted.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Blasted.

[Dennis Prager]

When? And I just have one question. Will, will sympathy or his critique be more likely to produce less suicides? Every religion in the history of the world said suicide was a sin. Were they all wrong? Were they? You think they increased or decreased suicide by calling suicide a sin?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

We're not allowed to tell the truth. Truth is a victim of the age of feelings in which we live.

[Caller/Guest]

Live.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And I don't get it. Because you are hurting.

[Dennis Prager]

That's not the people you think you're gonna help.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll give you something that I've been screaming about, which is speaking of suicide, you know, we had the student, he had. I don't have all the names and all the dates, but the big story with the student and the roommate and the student was gay and he jumped off the George Washington Bridge and the whole story turned into gay bashing and cyberbullying. It turns out that his roommate acted like most other 18 year olds would have acted and there wasn't a bunch of prying and watching. And the guy's name is Darwan Ravi. The guy who's now in jail for six months or 10 weeks or whatever the hell it is and he's on probation. It's nonsense. But the point is we had an opportunity to talk about suicide and this 18 or 19 year old who committed suicide was obviously a deeply troubled person and killed himself not because of the relationship he had with his roommate, but because he was deeply troubled, depressed and suicidal. No roommate is going to get you to kill yourself. There's no roommate that could get a 19 year old Dennis Prager to jump off a bridge. But if you're predisposed and you're already this close and maybe you had thoughts of suicide already then maybe so. So what we did is we took what could have been a teachable experience and a learning experience and a chance to have a dialogue about suicide and teen suicide and depression and how the first year of college can bring a lot of that on and turned it into a gay bashing, cyberbullying story and completely left the real story, which is suicide. And essentially the news decided that this guy caused this guy to kill himself. I mean, he really almost painted it as him murdering his roommate.

[Dennis Prager]

That's how it was painted. And exactly right there. And it should have Been another thing. Everybody living in America has been bullied. Everybody living on earth has been bullied at some point time.

[Caller/Guest]

Right?

[Dennis Prager]

Okay. Maybe there's a 1% exception. You teach people how to respond to bullies rather than have a national crisis over bullying. I don't defend bullying. When I was a counselor, I actually smacked the bully around and he never bullied again. But of course, you can't do that today. Sure. There was a very simple answer for counselors and teachers when I was a kid. You smack the bully.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

And that ended the issue.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Caller/Guest]

That's it.

[Dennis Prager]

I ended all bullying in my bunk in eight weeks. Sleep away camp. The first week, I cracked the kid, you know, well, and it ended it. And he was grateful to me, the parents. I mean, I don't know. This will crack you up. It was a Jewish camp, so they gave tips to the counselors. I mean, this is really. I mean, it sounds like prehistory.

[Brian Bishop]

When you say tips, you don't mean foreskins?

[Dennis Prager]

No, no, I don't mean foreskins because those were given at eight days. These kids were older.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay, Gotcha.

[Dennis Prager]

And rather tips. And. And if the parent was really grateful to the counselor. I got the most tips in the camp, and I was the toughest counselor in the camp. They gave me troubled kids, and there was no tolerance for their behavior. And that ended the issue. But there wasn't a crisis of bullying session where it's now illegal. You know, that states are making it illegal. Kids are arrested in fifth grade. I have the story in my book about slap butt dead. You know, kids in seventh grade, fifth grade, sexually harassing. I would have spent my eight years in elementary school in jail. Had I lived today.

[Brian Bishop]

You would have been in the cooler like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape. Like just down there with your baseball mitt, just bouncing the ball off the floor and off the wall. I know this notion that we need to wrap our kids in bubble wrap and put a helmet on them is insane. Let them.

[Dennis Prager]

It's debilitating.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, not only is it debilitating, but there's a physical version of this and then there's an invisible version of this. The physical version is wrap them in bubble wrap. Never have them bullied. Never have. You know, if you're gonna ride that skateboard, if you're gonna get on that bike, if you're gonna get on anything with two wheels, you either put on a helmet, or if we're gonna get in a car, we're gonna strap you in like an astronaut. And then there's an invisible version of it, which is you should never drink anything but filtered water. Water. And where's your Purell? Constantly washing the hands. Now, I believe that there's a physical and there's a psychological and a sort of physical manifestation to the exact same problem, which is exposing your body to some germs makes you stronger.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

And exposing your body to some bullies.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Makes you stronger.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Kicking around your innards a little by eating some stuff that may have fell on the ground and not washing your hands 10 times a day builds up your immune system. And hanging around with a couple of guys who kick you in the ass every once in a while builds up your character.

[Dennis Prager]

Yep. Well, it's no longer the home of the free and the land of the brave. It's no longer, it pains me to say that we have free and brave people, but freedom is being undermined and so is bravery. This concept that I take care of my life and instead of the nanny state coming in for me, Monkey bars have been banned. Dodgeball has been banned. You can't lose by high scores, lest you feel bad about the score. And this, the self esteem movement was a travesty. It produced narcissists, you and I, in our. And again, it's worth my mentioning it too, in case you're self conscious with your own audience. Adam and I go around the country now doing evenings together and they're just tremendous. We've talked about this.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Listen, how about this come to mind? You talk about banning dodgeball, things like that. I've not seen a diving board in front of.

[Dennis Prager]

In your own house, Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I've not seen a diving board. And I realized the. The hours of pleasure I got.

[Dennis Prager]

Yes. Jumping off a diving board.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Dennis Prager]

Just deep feeling. Yes. But you might fall on some kid and paralyze him, right? That is correct. That might happen. There is no perfect life. The perfectly secure life is in a solitary confinement cell.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

You can't hurt anybody there. Why don't we all just live there?

[Brian Bishop]

The notion, if you've just hearkened back to your childhood and maybe it was at the public pool or maybe it was at a school pool or the YMCA or wherever it. We didn't have a swimming pool at our house, but I had a neighbor who had a swimming pool. He had a little diving board and there'd be the public. Well, that feeling of just being 10 years old and being weightless for those moments as you just jumped up and down, not even jumping into the pool. Just that feeling, that excitement. Sometimes at the public pool there'd be a line and you'd be three or four deep and you'd be thinking, oh, when I get my chance, boy, I'm gonna give that thing a good old hop. And I even remember over at the Van Nuys Sherman Oaks park, which is in Van Nuys and Sherman Oaks, it would be confusing if it was in Reseda and Chatsworth. But the Van Nuys Sherman Oaks park had a high dive, it had a platform. And they must have torn all this stuff down because somebody did a belly flop and cried and sued or something. But they had the old Van Nuys, Sherman Oaks park had a pool. I don't know where's Lynch. Tell them to find a picture or something in there. The old Van Nuys, Sherman Oaks park, it had a pool and a big public pool. And I used to go there as a kid and it had a platform. And the platform was very exciting to a 8 or 9 or 10 year old Adam Carolla because it seemed to be. It seemed to tower 30ft above the water. In essence, in reality it was probably 15ft above the water. But they had a platform up there and below it, somewhere at about the six foot mark, they had two professional diving boards, like Olympic style diving boards. And the rule was you cannot go up onto the platform unless you can do a one and a half.

[Dennis Prager]

Oh, I can't believe it.

[Brian Bishop]

Off the Olympic. Off the Olympic. We don't want anybody who can't do a one and a half off of the six foot to get up to that platform. And by the way, there's a picture of the old Van Nuys Sherman Oaks park there. And you can see there's a platform in the middle there that as a nine year old was unbelievably high in the air. It was, you know, three of me, four of me stacked high. And it's not a great shot, but you can get, you get the idea. I remember thinking I must do a one and a half off of this six foot board. I must go off that high platform. But I was again 9 years old, maybe 10 years old, and I was scared shitless. I was scared to do the one and a half. I could do the one going in foot first, but the one and a half going in head first almost paralyzed me with fear. And I paced and I worked and I tried it and I tried it and I chickened out 200 times and eventually I did my one and a half and got to go up off the platform. Which was even scarier. But I love the opportunity that a young boy had to try to climb that mountain.

[Dennis Prager]

That's earned self esteem.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Dennis Prager]

That's not getting a trophy for showing up, which is what we do now. Look, I worry for our country. I do, Adam. And that's again, that's why I wrote this.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I wonder and I feel like there's another, better picture of the. I don't know what would be. They probably did it all in meters, but what would be about a 15 foot high platform, which is when you get up there and stand on the edge of it is pretty high up there. And the board, the diving board about six feet above. But I feel like I have to battle constantly. I am a salmon from the past that's swimming up a stream filled with soccer moms and Purell and I. I had a situation with my twins who were playing in the T ball league at the Toluca Lake where I used to play baseball when I was a kid. And they're going to be six in a few days. And so they're just playing in the Little Pony league, T ball, whatever. And both of them are on the same team. And they said, would you like to help out with the coaching? And I said, yeah, sure, I'll, you know, when I can. I'm busy. I travel, but you know, if I have some time, I'll definitely come out, help out. And they said, good. Do you have your whatever pass? And I said, oh, that you're not a child abuser? Yes. And I said, what is that? They said, you go down to this place, look, it only costs like 20, 25 bucks. It only going to take about 20 minutes. They fingerprint you, they run you through a dash base. And then once you get your paperwork, well, then you come coach your twins. And I said, I'm not doing that. And they said, well, you want to coach your twins, don't you? I said, yeah. And they said, well, then you got to go get registered. And I said, I'm not taking them camping. And they're, by the way, I have both my twins on this team. It's broad daylight, it's the middle of the park again. We're not getting in my primered van and going to the top of Mount Pinos for a long week. I just want to go out and toss it under his head.

[Dennis Prager]

We need an FBI check to be a Santa Claus then.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And I said, I don't want to do it.

[Dennis Prager]

Well, I wish every parent, every parent should do what you did. And then they'd have no coaches.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my point.

[Dennis Prager]

The country needs to go on strike against these totalitarians. That's the point.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I said. And everybody, including my wife, gave me crap. And they said, come on, just go register. And I said, no, I'm not doing it. I'm not a sex offender. I don't have to register as a sex. I don't know. There's no background check necessary for me. It's like all these, you know, sexual harassment meetings and diversity meetings.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Please.

[Brian Bishop]

It's such a colossal waste of everyone's time. I've said it many times, demeaning everybody. If your business is requiring you to go to a sexual harassment meeting, don't go. Boycott it. Everyone in the building, boycott. And believe me, me, you will not get fired. And if you do get fired, you can sue them for wrongful termination. How is it they can force you to go to a meeting when you have no history of sexual harassment in the workplace whatsoever? It'd be like forcing you to go take classes for DUI when you've never taken any alcohol and never been pulled over and been drunk before. Why? How can they do this? It's insane.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dennis Prager]

By the way, I think I said land of the brave or home of the free. It's land of the free and home of the brave. We gotcha and we are the not. It is truly a weakened character in our society. How you feel about it. Don't offend. That's the whole. That's the great sin today, offending.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Yeah. Look, I'm just reading this article that somebody gave me. It says most diversity training ineffective. A study finds they did a comprehensive review over 31 years of data from 830 mid sized to large size US workplaces and found that diversity training doesn't help when it's mandatory. It becomes sort of useless.

[Dennis Prager]

You know what produces diversity? Excellence.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Dennis Prager]

Because there are excellent whites, excellent blacks, excellent women, excellent Hispanics, excellent Koreans, excellent Burmese, and that's the end of the issue. Have excellent to zero criteria and people of all backgrounds will show.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I just got done doing the Celebrity Apprentice, a show I'm sure you don't watch. You're home listening to your Chopin or your Bach and you got your stereo cranked up and you're smoking your pipe and you're.

[Dennis Prager]

That's largely correct.

[Brian Bishop]

You're thinking thoughts about Judaism and God knows what else. But I did the Celebrity Apprentice and I was just thinking about it the other day. It started off with 12 celebrities and a very diverse and mixed group. And at the end, there was Clay Aiken, gay. There was Arsenio hall, black, possibly gay. There was Aubrey o', Day, a woman. And there was Lisa Lampanelli, another woman. Or if it wasn't Lisa Lampanelli, it was another woman from the Real Housewives in New Jersey. The point is this. All the white males had been cut from the team at the end. It was a gay guy, a black guy and two women. And why they did the best job. That's why they were left. And nobody first, second, ever questioned, you know, Clay Aiken, Arsenio hall came in first place. Clay Akin came in second place. And I can tell you, as somebody who played the game and bought into the game game, when Clay Aiken was the leader, there was no, oh, I'm not taking directions from a gay guy. It was, he's the leader. He's the best. Everybody earned. It was all based on merit, meaning everyone thought of Clay Aiken the way he got them to think of him. He did whatever job he did, and he did a great job. And that's how everyone thought of him. They didn't think of him as, oh, he's theoretically black or a woman. I'm not gonna listen.

[Dennis Prager]

We're told to celebrate people's identity, celebrate people's blackness, people's gayness. I don't celebrate that. I celebrate people who happen to be gay, people who happen to be white, happen to be black, happen to be Christian, happen to be Jewish, happen to be an atheist, period. I celebrate people, not their. What group they're in. It's so un American to think the group way. And that's the third of those great values. E pluribus from many one.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, what is the satisfaction in just saying, I'm black or I'm Puerto Rican or I'm part Cherokee or whatever it is, and then just sitting back and relishing that. That doesn't feel like anything to me.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. You know, my. I'm half Italian with some other, you know, Irish or something. I don't give a shit about any of it. I never think about it for a second. It doesn't. It's neither here nor there. I mean, I like the fact that I come from a place that was the birthplace of Lamborghini and Ferrari because I enjoy cars and there's a certain. And I like Italian food. But there's no part of me that ever thinks, well, my work is done, I'm half Italian.

[Dennis Prager]

Right. Or, honor me because of that.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I don't expect anyone to know or care.

[Dennis Prager]

Either Adam gets honored for being Adam or he doesn't deserve it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's exactly the way it should be. And by the way, you should and I don't know if you use GoToMeeting. Do you use this?

[Dennis Prager]

Yes. All the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, smart. Brought to you by Citrix. That's what I love. You can collaborate, you can use the group HD video, you can use it on your iPad, you can download the GoToMeeting app. You travel a lot, I'm guessing.

[Dennis Prager]

That's correct.

[Brian Bishop]

And thus you need but you even

[Dennis Prager]

if you don't travel, if you just don't, you don't need to get together anymore. You see each other in high definition and you do the work.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Let the wife stay in the upstairs bedroom. You stay in the den and use go to meeting.

[Dennis Prager]

That's another way I have a fight. Don't do it with GoToMeeting. Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

And Im each other 45 days free. You can try it for 45 days only if you use the promo code Adam. Visit GoToMeeting.com Click on the try it free button and enter the promo code Adam. All right, couple more questions with Dennis Prager and again Dennis and I out on tour together. If you like this, you're going to love the stage show because I have a couple of beers and Dennis has us a couple cigars and we let it fly. I know you're passionate about cigars, cigar stores. This notion that you speak about, I speak about that essentially smokers and including cigar pipe smokers. It goes smoker, then terrorist, then pedophile in our society is insane to me. I don't know how this came about. I don't know who decided this was the most important thing piece of business as a society.

[Dennis Prager]

I will say something that I will probably annoy some of your listeners and it's not, certainly not meant to but I acknowledge it might. I think that the anti smoking zealots are among the most dangerous people living in the United States of America outside of criminals. Why they because they are fanatics. They are zealots and I fear all fanatics for them. Exactly what you said. Their raison d' etre in life is to stop people from smoking. Everybody knows that smoking cigarettes can be dangerous. Everybody with a brain knows that. Okay, you've now told us, thank you, have a great day. But to tell kids and this is what they did, at least in California, there's no difference between drugs and tobacco.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Dennis Prager]

Is about as sick and perverse a thing as you could tell a kid. Because if a kid sees a kid, watches Winston Churchill on the documentary, guy smokes a cigar all the time. So is that the same thing as heroin? Yeah, according to the California. Whatever it is, you know, public health department and all these fanatics, it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the idea that you can own a tobacco shop, but guys cannot smoke a cigar in your shop, on your property, that sells the property, that's insanity.

[Dennis Prager]

Well, are we in Burbank?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Dennis Prager]

Yeah, in Burbank it's not allowed. Yes, Burbank has banned smoking in cigar stores.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know. I remember when I was speaking to the mayor of Calabasas, I believe it was.

[Dennis Prager]

Yeah, they banned outdoor smoking.

[Brian Bishop]

And he banned outdoor smoking. And he said, first off, he was such an intellectual lightweight that he said to me, do you know that the childhood asthma has gone up tenfold over the last 20 years? And I said, while smoking has decreased fivefold.

[Dennis Prager]

What did he say to that?

[Brian Bishop]

He said nothing. He just brought it up again later on in the argument, which makes you go from essentially semi retarded to stillborn in my brain intellectually. Cuz you stupid enough to bring it up the first time. He then brought it up a second time. And then we were talking about Christopher Reeve's widow, who then recently died of lung cancer at the ripe old age of 40 or 39 or 42 or whatever it is. And she wasn't a smoker. And he also tried to explain that although she was not a smoker, and although she was claimed by lung cancer in her early 40s or late 30s or whatever it was, the reason she got lung cancer is because in her early days she was a cabaret singer and they used to smoke at these bars. And she was not a smoker herself, but the secondhand smoke is what claimed her. And I just realized the guy was an imbecile. An intellectual imbecile, or as I always like to say, stupid or less. Liar. You're one or the other. And I hope he's not the mayor of Calabasas anymore, but he's an imbecile.

[Dennis Prager]

Well, he was intellectually vapid. I'm putting it in nicer terms, but you're entirely right. The people who lie are the people who tell us that 50,000Americans die a year of secondhand smoke. That is an out and out lie. It's like the. And again, forgive me, I have that voice of my mother in me. Forgive me for mentioning my book, but I have a whole Thing on the hysteria of American Life, I list 10 hysterias. Like the numbers given for the numbers of girls and women dying of anorexia. They were inflated by a factor of 100. At least 100.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dennis Prager]

And this is the same thing with secondhand smoke. It's okay to lie for the sake of a greater health value.

[Christian Harloff]

Sure.

[Dennis Prager]

And that's it. So we will lie about secondhand smoke. But if we get people to stop smoking, it's worth lying.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. And again, it's sort of a condescending. Look, we have college degrees. Poor smokers or black people or Hispanics don't really know what you're doing. We're gonna herd you like sheep. We're gonna take care of you.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll be your shepherds. And every once in a while we'll have to toss out a few lies. But don't worry about it, because lying is fine. We have God on our side.

[Dennis Prager]

That's right. And the God is health.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. And that to me is insane. And like I said, if you wanna smoke a pipe, you wanna smoke a cigar. The idea that you can't do, do it at your own pipe shop or smoke shop is criminal to me. And the idea that also that this is not. Look, people say so look. What do you like so much about smokers? It's not that. This is sort of more than a metaphor for where we're going as a society. This nanny state, this. We're going to get involved, we're going to act. Add $5 onto a pack of everything that has tobacco in it and pay for the kids and do this tug at the heartstrings BS where you say, well, smokers are bad, kids are good. What if we give and it never ends up changing anything? I really think we were a better society when people smoked.

[Dennis Prager]

I really think we were a better society when people smoked. I agree with you entirely here.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Christian Harloff]

Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's another. I don't know if you use stamps.

[Dennis Prager]

Yep, that's another one. Absolutely. Why wouldn't you? I know at 2am you're up and you want to send something out, you print the postage.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Oh, Dennis, we got to get together, baby. You print the exact postage for any letter, any package, and you get the free digital scale. Love that. You can. It'll discount, by the way. Never, never do that thing where you lick the extra stamp and put it on there just because you're not sure if that. Yeah, yeah.

[Dennis Prager]

That dates you. That's great.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember doing that because there's certain things, like if you're sending a couple of CDs to your brother who lives across the country, you just don't know and you don't want to get it back, right. So you throw on an extra stamp. I'm convinced that the post office has made trillions over the last hundred years because everyone has licked an extra three stamps and put it on there.

[Dennis Prager]

That's exactly right.

[Brian Bishop]

You can get the free scale. You can get $55 free post only if you enter Adam. Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone on the top of the homepage. Type in Adam, that's stamps.com promo code. Adam the book still the best hope. That is Dennis Prager's book, my book, Not Taco Bell material, which is in front of you right now, which I would be honored if you would read. Dennis is out coming this Tuesday, and we have an exclusive, which is if you pre order not Taco Bell material, we will toss in the Tijuana chapter of the audiobook. That's right. But you have to do it by tomorrow, June 7th. So if you do the hardcover or you do the ebook and you send the receipt to ntbwdamcarolla.com you will get a chapter. The Tijuana chapter.

[Dennis Prager]

Is this my copy?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that is yours. Did I screw that up? Mike, your mic's not.

[Caller/Guest]

Not on.

[Brian Bishop]

Your mic's still not on. NTBM.

[Mark Ellis]

Not Taco Bell material.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, not Taco Bell. Materialamcroll.com NTBM yes, thank you. You will get the exclusive Tijuana chapter from the audiobook and help me get to number one on New York Times bestseller list. Yes, that is yours, Dennis. You will enjoy that book greatly, I am sure.

[Dennis Prager]

I know I will. Absolutely. And I thank you for reading mine because it's not a short book and I hate to even mention that, but

[Brian Bishop]

it's a little light in the picture department, as in zero. And I like either something that pops up or has pictures in it. But it is important reading for anybody. And look, I'll say this too. Dennis is to the right of center, and you who are listening may be to the left of center. Center. That doesn't mean you should surround yourself with those who think like you. There's not much growth in that. There is growth in surrounding yourself or at least exposing yourself to thoughts that aren't your own that haven't been parroted back to you two trillion times. I think it's a good idea to seek out those who may have an opinion that you may not have formally thought of and be open enough. I believe one of the gifts that Dennis Prager has is in not alienating folks that may think differently than he. He is very respectful. I hear you. I would not have the patience. I hear your show and I hear you talk to these guys. And you say, all things being equal, would you rather your children be raised by a straight couple or a lesbian couple? And they say, I don't know the couple. I'd have to meet the couple. And you say, all things being equal, they are exactly the same. And they repeat. I'd have to meet the couple. And at some point I would start yelling at them and yell, pick a goddamn couple, you imbecile. But they will use. You have way too much class for that. Although I do hate that cop out answer. I'd have to meet the couple. It's such a crock of shit. And I love the fact that somehow I'm homophobic and Dennis is homophobic because if something were to happen to us, we would like our young kids raised by a mom and a dad. Because I believe it's important. And I'm not even religious. I just know there's many things my wife brings to the table that I do not bring. And then there are things I bring to the table, such as bread, that she does not bring.

[Dennis Prager]

Well, and I don't even put it in the lesbian gay thing. Just, your kid has a choice. You have a choice. A child to be raised, all things being equal means you don't have to see the couple. That's what all things.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why they're being intellectually dishonest.

[Dennis Prager]

Do you think it's better to have a mom and a dad? That's all. I mean, why is that? Is that insulting to anybody?

[Brian Bishop]

It is one of the signs of the times that we're living in. Because if you had to explain that to somebody 20 years ago, they would have been wildly confused by you having to explain that position. That would have seemed insane at any other time. And by the way, that's not. Because that's not called progress, by the way.

[Dennis Prager]

No, it's called graduation.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Right. You know what you'd like? You like the ladies, right? I mean, you like. Dennis is a passionate man. You remind me of my old partner, Dr. Drew.

[Dennis Prager]

Yes, yes, I like women.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, yes. Maxim Digital. That's one thing you don't know about. Go to www.maxim.com digital. It is Maxim, the men's magazine. Beautiful women and cigars all on the same glossy pages.

[Dennis Prager]

Sounds Good to me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, but you don't have to go down to the newsstand. You can see it right? Right on your own computer. And you can purchase a digital subscription. You'll receive exclusive bonus content. God knows what that is, but I'm looking forward to it. The June 2012 issue, by the way, currently has the Maxim top ladies of 2012, the 100 hot list.

[Dennis Prager]

I hope it's diverse. Did they choose on diversity?

[Brian Bishop]

I said only women in the clan this time around. And they got the message. So it's only Danish women. Maxim Digital, www.maxim.com digital. You love the magazine and now you're on your computer and this is the meeting. Now, this is Maxim for the new millennium. There it is, 2012. All right. The book is called still the Best. Dennis Pratt, Life's Work. You owe it to yourself to read it. Don't do it as a favor to me or favor to Dennis. Do it because it's important and wherever, whatever side of the aisle you're on, you owe it to yourself to read this book. Dennis, always a pleasure.

[Dennis Prager]

I'll see you around the country. People should look up on your website or on mine where we'll be, in what city we'll be.

[Brian Bishop]

We will be traveling around this country. We'll be in Cleveland, Cleveland and Philly and Dallas and Sacramento. Seattle will be in Houston and Phoenix coming up July 12th and July 14th. So go to our websites, find out where we're going to be, and come on out for a great night of conversations, Q and A, cigar smoke and secondhand Miller Lite. So until next time, I'll beat the Irvine Improv tomorrow night, by the way, with Will Durst and Caroline's in New York City coming up and the middle of June. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dennis Prager saying mahalo. All right, this is Adam Carolla Show 839 with Dennis Prager.

[Mark Ellis]

That does it for days.

[Christian Harloff]

Carolla Classics.

[Brian Bishop]

Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, hollow and get it on.

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