Adam Carolla Show – Carolla Classics with Dana Gould & Vinnie Tortorich
Date: December 21, 2025
Guests: Dana Gould, Vinnie Tortorich, Sebastian Bach (later segment)
Panel: Adam Carolla (host), Gina Grad, Brian "Bald Bryan" Bishop
Episode Overview
This episode of the Adam Carolla Show, part of the Carolla Classics series, features highlight clips celebrating fan-favorite moments from past episodes. The show delivers Adam's signature blend of sharp humor, irreverent takes on everyday life, and engaging banter with returning guests: comedian Dana Gould and fitness coach/podcaster Vinnie Tortorich. Topics include the value of standup as a trade, gripes about LA traffic and driving culture, school days and subpar teachers, independent filmmaking, “weird eaters,” Christmas nostalgia, and why people don’t put things back where they belong.
1. Standup Comedy as a "Trade"
[01:49–04:10]
Main Point:
Adam discusses with Dana Gould and Jo Koy how standup comedy serves as a reliable trade—something a comedian can always fall back on, much like a carpenter’s skill.
- Adam: "What standup is is what a trade is to entertainment." (03:31)
- Jo Koy relates that while he still dreams of a sitcom, standup is his passion and his constant.
- Adam draws a parallel with his own background as a carpenter, appreciating the security of a practical skill.
Notable Quote:
"I've always said, look, I always felt sort of comfortable. Like, I have a trade. And what standup is is what a trade is to entertainment." — Adam Carolla [03:31]
2. Dogs, Human Nature, and Bizarre Analogies
[05:35–07:35]
Main Point:
Adam spirals into an off-the-cuff riff comparing dogs' social behavior to a surreal alternate universe where naked people “wrestle” among clothed dogs, highlighting what makes animal and human instincts so different—and funny.
- Adam envisions being the only naked guy at a party full of clothed dogs, immediately wrestling any other naked human that shows up.
- The panel leans into the absurdity, joking about “getting to know each other” by wrestling, much like dogs do.
Notable Quote:
"So that's the difference between humans and dogs. Like, you just met that naked human and already you want to wrestle." — Adam Carolla [07:38]
3. Adam’s Traffic & Freeway Rant (Classic Carolla)
[07:55–15:42]
Main Point:
A classic Adam Carolla rant about the utter chaos and incompetence observed during minor car accidents in LA—especially bad habits like blocking lanes and not “steering it clear.”
- Adam describes personally driving by a minor fender bender where a bystander stands in the fast lane (left lane), causing miles of backup.
- Expresses disbelief that people can’t move damaged but operable cars to the shoulder; compares this to professional race drivers repeatedly restarting battered vehicles.
- Complains about the city’s lack of effective motivational signage ("If it steers, it clears") and the bureaucratic failures in managing traffic.
Notable Quote:
"Why can't we do it? So these guys, they get in this little stupid accident, they back up the entire goddamn freeway." — Adam Carolla [11:51]
4. Driver’s Ed, School Stories & Bad Teachers
[19:15–38:53]
Main Point:
The panel shares war stories from high school—bad driver’s ed, failing grades, and teachers who made lasting negative impressions.
- Adam recounts how a hated teacher, Mr. Gregory, failed him due to a missing 20-page report, leading him to a crash-course driving school in Van Nuys.
- Jokes about the irony that none of it mattered as he ended up with a car and a career anyway.
- Dana Gould and others reminisce about the futility of some high school classes and arbitrary grading.
Notable Quote:
"Here's how I knew I was doomed. I've always... that's why I'm not a big gambler, because I, I just don't have good luck." — Adam Carolla [20:07]
5. The Struggles of Independent Filmmaking
[29:02–35:15]
Main Point:
A listener asks about Adam’s plans for new original movies, prompting a frank discussion of how difficult and unprofitable indie comedy/film is compared to documentaries.
- Adam describes a broken model: even well-regarded docs starring Paul Newman couldn’t get picked up by major networks.
- Notes the economics: his documentaries cost $350k–450k, and it’s only sustainable if you love the process and cobble together multiple projects.
Notable Quote:
"It's a tough world. Unless you can get people to bankroll you, it's a good thing. And I was sort of under the impression you would create a strong example... and then they'd bankroll you for the next one. Doesn't appear to work that way." — Adam Carolla [31:54]
6. Listener Calls & Sports Picks
[45:22–48:51]
Main Point:
A recurring sports-betting segment where a listener named Michael gives his NFL picks and tries to justify his accuracy to Adam and Dana Gould.
- Discussion over sample size and the volatility of gambling predictions.
- Playful skepticism over “auditions” for sports picks and the statistical “meh.”
7. Holiday Segment with Vinnie Tortorich: “Will Andrew and Brian Eat It?”
[121:01–179:24]
Main Point:
The "Christmas Edition" of the running Carolla Show game where two notoriously picky behind-the-scenes staffers, Andrew and Brian, are pressed to try (or reject) various traditional holiday foods.
Sample Foods & Results:
- Candy canes: “Andrew would, Brian wouldn’t” — after much debate (“too intense”, “child’s candy”).
- Eggnog: universally rejected ("Drinking eggs?! Not for these guys!”).
- Gingerbread cookies: Andrew or Brian—only one would tolerate it; neither enjoyed it.
- Hot chocolate: Brian would drink; Andrew claims not to like hot drinks.
- Christmas ham: Rejected for “texture issues.”
Memorable Moment:
Lots of playful gags about picky eaters, Maxapada (Chris Laxamana) swooping in to eat the leftovers, and Vinnie’s fitness-nut commentary.
8. The "Great Debate"—People Not Putting Things Back
[136:40–150:19]
Main Point:
Adam’s epic frustration with people who never “put things back as they found them”—from French doors, to bed remotes, to garden hoses.
- He details how cleaning staff unplug things (like his vibrating bed), never plug them back in; gardeners always leave hose nozzles on the ground.
- Leads to broader complaints about gym-goers who never rack weights.
- Dana Gould offers parallel experiences and Adam jokes that “withholding $50” is the only universal language that changes this behavior.
Notable Quote:
"Everything should be exactly as you found it." — Adam Carolla [146:05]
9. Sauerkraut Factory Huell Howser Clip with Dana Gould
[72:13–88:00]
Main Point:
A beloved Carolla Classic segment: Dana Gould, Adam, and the panel mercilessly riff on a vintage Huell Howser segment at a sauerkraut factory, poking fun at his guileless Midwestern awe and non-sequitur questions.
- They joke about Huell being “more Huell than anyone else is anything.”
- Endless laughter at his fascination with sauerkraut vats, mispronunciations, and the mechanics of “the old days.”
- Brian’s beloved drop, “OK, time has passed,” is explained for its origins.
10. Politics, Feelings vs. Policy, and Post-Election Standup
[90:41–114:45]
Main Point:
A thoughtful and civil panel debate about the Trump election aftermath, “feeling-centric” politics, and the pitfalls of comedians abandoning jokes for unfiltered political rants during stand-up.
- Dana Gould shares his efforts to talk with Republicans post-election and how emotional framing has overtaken policy debate.
- Adam pushes for separating feelings from policy; Bryan Bishop calls for more humility and micro-acknowledgment in political debate.
- Funny riff: comedians should rediscover punchlines instead of lecturing (using Wanda Sykes’s performance as a case study).
Notable Quotes:
"We have taken feelings and put them at the front of the line for every argument we have." — Adam Carolla [94:53]
"The most effective way of communicating a point is with humor, but it's gotta end with humor." — Adam Carolla [106:24]
11. Bonus: Sebastian Bach Joins, 80s Rock Anecdotes
[180:53–216:24]
Main Point:
The episode wraps with Sebastian Bach joining the panel, sharing wild tour stories involving Bon Jovi, tour pranks, Aerosmith, and life as a rockstar in South America.
- Humorous retelling of being ambushed with eggs by the Bon Jovi family and discussions on international fanbases.
- More music nerd talk: favorite Christmas albums, the magic of Top Gear’s original trio, and why chemistry always beats format.
Additional Memorable Moments & Quotes
- Adam on Vinnie's picky eaters: "They're different, like Hitler and Stalin were different. Both despicable, deplorable human beings with a body count of innocent foods behind them."
- Dana Gould on school grading: "You build up a big enough lead, you can take the fourth quarter off." [23:30]
- Brian Bishop on Preachy Comics: "There's a way to bring everybody with you, and a way to shut out half the audience. Think ahead—what benefits your point better?” [106:07]
Notable Timestamps for Key Segments
- Standup as a Trade: 01:49–04:10
- Naked Wrestling Dogs Analogy: 05:35–07:35
- LA Traffic Rant: 07:55–15:42
- Bad Teachers & School Days: 19:15–38:53
- Doc Filmmaking Truths: 29:02–35:15
- Listener & Football Picks: 45:22–48:51
- Holiday Eating Game: 121:01–179:24
- "Put It Back" Rant: 136:40–150:19
- Huell Howser Sauerkraut Clip: 72:13–88:00
- Politics/Feelings/Comedy: 90:41–114:45
- Sebastian Bach segment: 180:53–216:24
Tone & Language
- Adam’s classic, unsparing but affectionate sarcasm and vivid metaphors shine.
- Dana Gould brings sharp wit, cynical but warm.
- Panel’s banter is faster and more esoteric than most, peppered with hyperbolic rants (“the all stariest fucking most retarded drivers in the world…”).
- Language is unfiltered and playful, blending real insight with punchline-driven storytelling.
Bottom Line
This Carolla Classics episode is a rich sampler of what makes the show a fan favorite: equal parts relatable complaint, irreverence, group therapy, and old-school radio energy. Whether goofing on weird eating habits, LA’s thoughtless drivers, or the failings of teachers, Adam and crew never run out of stories, gags, or quotable curmudgeon wisdom.
End of Summary