Darrell Hammond Reflects On His SNL Days + Andy Cowan Talks Writing for Seinfeld + Hunter Biden GOES OFF!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – July 23, 2025

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Guests:

• Darrell Hammond – Saturday Night Live alumnus
• Andy Cowan – Writer for Seinfeld
• Jason "Mayhem" Miller – Host of Trending Topics Segment

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1. Introduction

Adam Carolla kicks off the episode by welcoming his guests: Darrell Hammond, renowned for his tenure on Saturday Night Live (SNL), and Andy Cowan, a distinguished writer for the iconic sitcom Seinfeld. Additionally, Jason "Mayhem" Miller joins later to discuss current news and trending topics.

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2. Darrell Hammond Reflects on SNL Days

Timestamp: 02:26 – 10:20

Darrell Hammond delves into his experiences on SNL, particularly focusing on his role in voicing Don Pardo, the show's legendary announcer.

• On Creating Don Pardo's Voice:

  "We had to invent a voice. The idea was it's Don Pardo, but it's not Don Pardo." (02:46)

Darrell explains the creative process behind developing an authentic yet unique rendition of Pardo's iconic voice, ensuring it resonated with the audience without being a direct imitation.

• On Adapting Impressions:

  "You gotta exaggerate it. You turn this into a Hirschfeld drawing or a character, that's what you gotta do." (17:33)

He emphasizes the importance of amplifying certain traits to enhance comedic effect, moving beyond mere accuracy to embodying the essence of the character.

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3. Personal Anecdotes: The Bahamas Cruise Incident

Timestamp: 24:05 – 58:56

Darrell shares a harrowing personal story from his pre-SNL days, detailing an incident aboard a cruise ship that led to his arrest in the Bahamas.

• The Arrest:

  "I had to go to the bathroom, and I walked into the stall and this gentleman from downstairs follows me into the stall... he was just like, let me just give this to you to take back to the Ship so you can give to your friends." (25:39)

Under the influence of excessive rum, Darrell was coerced into possession of cocaine, resulting in his detention. He recounts the bleak conditions of the Bahamian jail and the psychological toll it took on him.

• Father's Reaction:

  "He was irate. I was so wasted... He had been in two wars, including one with Nazis. The cat knows danger, and he senses that something really bad could happen here." (40:07)

Darrell describes his father's stern and silent reaction upon learning of his son's predicament, highlighting the emotional strain and subsequent steps taken to secure his release.

• Reflection on Sobriety:

  "Coming up on three. Hard and harder than hell, my brother." (51:12)

He candidly discusses his ongoing struggles with sobriety, sharing insights into his battle with alcohol addiction and its profound impact on his personal and professional life.

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4. Andy Cowan Discusses Writing for Seinfeld

Timestamp: 94:07 – 116:49

Andy Cowan provides an in-depth look into his tenure as a writer for Seinfeld, detailing the creative processes and challenges faced in crafting memorable episodes.

• Pitching Ideas:

  "One he liked, which he didn't wind up using, he almost used, was the lost bra. George discovers a lost big bra in the dryer and wants to find. You know, it's like the glass slipper, right?" (95:03)

Andy shares anecdotes about pitching various concepts to Larry David, illustrating the iterative nature of sitcom writing and the evolution of ideas from inception to execution.

• Developing Characters:

  “...it became a little more cartoonish as I went along, especially when Jerry took over. It became a little more outlandish.” (100:34)

He reflects on the transformation of character portrayals over the series' lifespan, emphasizing the balance between maintaining authenticity and embracing exaggerated comedic elements.

• Behind-the-Scenes Insights:

  "He was very supportive... he would introduce me in this introduction. He said, my next guest is odd. Bizarre. He would label me bizarre." (105:16)

Andy highlights the mentorship and support he received from Merv Griffin during his early showbiz days, underscoring the importance of guidance and encouragement in creative fields.

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5. Mayhem Miller's Trending Topics: Hunter Biden Rant

Timestamp: 60:09 – 118:56

Jason "Mayhem" Miller takes center stage to discuss and critique a recent controversial interview with Hunter Biden.

• Critique of Hunter Biden's Claims:

  "He flies around the world three times... Don't give me that six days, not enough Ambien bullshit." (67:41)

Mayhem vehemently rejects Hunter Biden's excuse of being on Ambien during a debate, likening it to the infamous "Twinkie defense" and questioning the credibility of his statements.

• Political Commentary:

  "Hunter Biden's a sociopath, but the thing is, Joe Biden's a sociopath that dumb people don't know is a sociopath." (71:17)

He extends his criticism to President Joe Biden, labeling both as sociopaths and accusing them of dishonesty and untrustworthiness.

• Discussion on Media and Editing:

  "It was just him interviewing drunk people and then editing it to be really funny." (65:07)

Mayhem points out the manipulative nature of media editing, suggesting that Hunter Biden's interview was distorted to fit a particular narrative, thereby misleading the audience.

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6. Conclusions and Final Thoughts

Adam Carolla wraps up the episode by reflecting on the deep and varied conversations with his guests. He appreciates Darrell Hammond's willingness to share personal struggles and Andy Cowan's insights into the world of television writing. The episode concludes with a light-hearted interaction between Adam and Andy, showcasing their camaraderie and mutual respect.

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Notable Quotes:

• Darrell Hammond on Comedy:

  "You gotta exaggerate it. You turn this into a Hirschfeld drawing or a character, that's what you gotta do." (17:33)

• Andy Cowan on Creativity:

  "We need to be funny. We need to get laughs. So his... the way he did George Bush Senior, that's just the best." (19:29)

• Mayhem Miller on Accountability:

  "Don't give me the Ambien excuse, you retard." (71:17)

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Overall Insights:

• Darrell Hammond offers a raw and honest portrayal of the pressures and challenges faced by comedians, especially those operating within high-profile shows like SNL. His personal anecdotes reveal the darker side of fame and addiction, providing listeners with a deeper understanding of the man behind the laughs.

• Andy Cowan provides a fascinating glimpse into the intricate world of sitcom writing. His experiences on Seinfeld highlight the collaborative and often tumultuous nature of creating enduring television content. Andy's stories emphasize the importance of perseverance, creativity, and adaptability in the entertainment industry.

• Jason "Mayhem" Miller's segment serves as a fiery critique of political figures and media practices, reflecting the polarized nature of contemporary discourse. His passionate delivery underscores the frustration many feel towards perceived dishonesty and manipulation in the public sphere.

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Conclusion:

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show masterfully blends humor, personal storytelling, and sharp political commentary. Through engaging conversations with Darrell Hammond and Andy Cowan, Adam provides listeners with both laughter and poignant reflections. The inclusion of Jason Mayhem Miller's candid takes further enriches the discourse, ensuring a comprehensive and entertaining listen for both long-time fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, SNL alumni great Darrell Hammond comes in, tells some really interesting stories, news with Mayhem, comedian and Seinfeld writer Andy Cowan comes in and more right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline continues to be your number one source for all your sports betting action. Baseball's in full swing for football is right around the corner. And Betonline's got you covered with the latest odds, breaking news and live scores. Betonline even has live in game betting. While the games are being played real time from MLB to UFC to tennis to NFL futures, Betonline, that's the place to play. And between games, hit up the Betonline casino. Packed with top Vegas style games, poker and live casino. Betonline has it all. Sign up now and score big. With VIP rewards, level up bonuses and weekly cash bonuses bet online. The game starts here. From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Saturday Night Live alumnus Daryl Hammond and the host of the neurotic Vaccine, Andy Cowan. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now the grand marshal of Road America, Vintage Weekend and the grand wizard of you know what, Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the show. They're mandate you get it on. Now Darrell Hammond back in studio. He's got shows. He's gonna be at the Comedy Works in Denver, which is a great club. And that'll be Friday through Sunday. Coming up this weekend also has a one man show, Cray Cray, as in crazy. It's available on audible. I think Daryl does 60 characters.

[Daryl Hammond]

63.

[Adam Carolla]

63. I was gonna say over 60 characters. But Daryl's also doing the VO work at SNL, which is kind of nice. Oh, yeah, how does that work? Do you need to be at rehearsal and stuff or what do you need to do to take over for Don Pardo?

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, first we had to invent a voice. The idea was the, the instructions were it's Don Pardo, but it's not Don Pardo.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Daryl Hammond]

So we had to invent, literally invent a character. And I record in West Hollywood. The character is in the beginning, we would color some of the vowels with Dom literally still have Don Pardo alive in the vowels.

[Adam Carolla]

You could do Don Pardo straight up though, right?

[Daryl Hammond]

I did him a couple times.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, yeah, well, so what would Don Pardo sound like? Just if you're just doing straight Don Pardo.

[Daryl Hammond]

I remember. I mean, you gotta give me, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Guess we'd have to hear, we'd have to hear a clip of.

[Daryl Hammond]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Was sort of my thing. It was like, oh, he sort of went up, you know. Yeah, that's, that's what I remember. And he was there for Sherry O. Terry. Right, right. She would say it like a ghost said it like Sherry o' Terry was haunted or something.

[Daryl Hammond]

Will Ferrell. I, I, he had a little, a.

[Adam Carolla]

Little Mr. Ed in there. Yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

I, When I, when I first started doing it, when I said featuring, I would put Pardo in the vowel. Like featuring.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he, Was Pardo there the whole time? He, in the last five years, like 75. Who, 76.

[Daryl Hammond]

Don't know, but I got a feeling he might have been there.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, don't you recite? I feel like he was the announcer until you replaced him. Until he passed.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. I associate those early episodes with that incredible sound. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So also, it's an interesting choice to make don Pardo, the SNL guy. Because Don, so SNL, when it started, was counterculture, rebellious, young, mid-70s. You know, we're gonna make jokes that your parents aren't gonna like. We're gonna make references that the man doesn't like. But Don Pardo was such a old school announcer, just a game show type. Yeah, right. And so what we do now, like when we do the Oscars, we have female announcers. Cause they go back in the day, you would expect this announcer. But we're doing something different. We're new, we're avant garde. But the fact that they're doing this different avant garde product and went with this old school, like, 50s, like, welcome to the Winston Hour.

[Daryl Hammond]

You know, I wonder what style I'm really doing now. I also do that, like, you know, like for the 50th, we had one like, ladies and gentlemen, 17 time host Alec Baldwin. You know, we made that one.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's traditional. So wait, do we have Pardo? We'll play clip aparto. Let's say it's Saturday Night Live.

[Daryl Hammond]

With.

[Adam Carolla]

Fred Armisen, Rachel Grant, Tina Fey, Will Forte, Daryl Hammond, Seth Meyers.

[Daryl Hammond]

Dennis Mitchell.

[Adam Carolla]

Chris Parnell, Amy Poehler. All right, you got it. You know what?

[Daryl Hammond]

I think I said it on the Elle McPherson Show. I did Pardo. If you could ever come up with that. I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. Sorry. I had to be weird with Pardo because at the beginning he's like going, featuring Steely Dan, musical guest tonight, Paul Simon. And then at some point, he's got to be Lil Cash, Uzi and Mac 10.

[Daryl Hammond]

What's that mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. He didn't know what it meant either.

[Daryl Hammond]

You mean when he's saying the name, he's doing rappers? Did he do them?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I have no idea. I'm just saying he went from saying cool in the gang to crazy rap names that he probably had. And he was probably cool and the gang. But give me some good rap names. Cause there's like Mac 10.

[Daryl Hammond]

Lil.

[Adam Carolla]

Lil. You can't say Lil. You gotta say Lil. You know, Uzi or whatever it is. And he probably had no fucking idea what. What any of this was like. He knew the doobie brothers in 1978 when he did the Doobie Brothers.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But at the end, he was naming bands, rap bands he never. He never heard of.

[Daryl Hammond]

We used to see him walking around.

[Adam Carolla]

Say, Takashi 69 and featuring Lil Uzi. Go ahead.

[Daryl Hammond]

Tekashi six nine featuring Little Uzi.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And then add. Try dollar sign, tie dollar sign, and tie dollar sign. Right. He had to be. At that point, he's 86 and he's going, I have no fucking idea what this. Yeah, what is this? Yeah, I remember us having the ojs on.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, I'm doing like a tongue in cheek pass at it now. If I was really gonna do them, I would wanna study them. Cause that sound is hard to make.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that sounded good. So let's try it again. Tekashi six' nine, Lil Uzi, Tie Dollar Sign.

[Daryl Hammond]

Tekashi six nine with Little Uzi. No, I get that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Lil Uzi. That's the other one. He must have thought they were all typos. Lil Uzi and Ty. Ty Dollar Sign and Tie Dollar Sign. Right. So he must have just been. Because how old?

[Daryl Hammond]

90S? 95.

[Adam Carolla]

He was 95 years old.

[Daryl Hammond]

I believe he was recording when he was 94.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we need to know how old Don Pardo was. Because I am telling you. And then you gotta come up with some of those rap. You gotta come up with him doing the rap thing. Cause he had to, literally. What year did he die? Let's see. You replaced him in 14, right?

[Daryl Hammond]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You replaced him in 14. He died in 14. And he was 96 years old. So he had to be 90 when he was trying to say Mac 10 and Lil Uzi with silencer, you know, or Big Daddy Clip or something. He had to. Someone had to say to him, don, it's not 50 cent. It's 50 cent. And he's like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

[Daryl Hammond]

My time is nearing the end.

[Adam Carolla]

Don, it's 50 cent. You keep saying 50 cent.

[Daryl Hammond]

I can say 50.

[Adam Carolla]

When I was a lad, you could buy an automobile for 50 cents.

[Daryl Hammond]

50 cent.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. There it is. 50 cent.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now say it like that.

[Daryl Hammond]

I could buy an automobile for 50 cent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So, Don, you keep saying little when you should be saying Lil. Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne and Lil Wayne. Lil wayne featuring.

[Daryl Hammond]

Featuring 50 Cent.

[Adam Carolla]

That. There you go. So you were saying Lil Wayne featuring 50 Cent.

[Daryl Hammond]

Now it's Lil Wayne, Lil Wayne featuring 50 Cent.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. That's a good keeper. Okay. That's right. Todd's 90, has no idea who these people are. And by the way, let's see their act. And have no idea what's going on, because everyone would come out and the bands, you know, the Foo Fighters would set up and everyone pick up an instrument. Now everyone's just pointing at the ceiling and wearing Timberland boots and parkas. And he had to just be sitting there going, what the fuck is going on? I remember we had Rita Coolidge in here.

[Daryl Hammond]

End of the world as I know it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So, Darrel, the one man show, the stand up comedy. There's a bit that Andrew, the other room's a huge fan of, and it was a bit where you were doing Clinton and you were on the phone with, I don't know, Gaddafi or somebody. And then Monica Lewinsky called in. I think we have it. But he said, oh, man. And I was like, I don't remember that. That one. But the cool thing about SNL's different bits for different people.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, that was. Someone reminded me of that. That particular one. The other Saddam Hussein and Monica Lewinsky and me. And we're talking about a show that included a character named Lacey.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think we're gonna look at it. Okay, got it. All right. All right, Andrew, be ready. If you're gonna bring it up and you want to show it, put it on the list and, you know, get it. Get it ready to go because you want to see it. I didn't remember this bit, but I probably will when I see it. What year was this?

[Daryl Hammond]

I don't remember it. I just remember it, but I don't remember the dialogue. It was back when Saddam Hussein was. All right, you chalo, you got Saddam.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's.

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, Saddam, it's me, Bill Clinton.

[Adam Carolla]

Bill, come on.

[Daryl Hammond]

I'm eating breakfast. I made the deal. I'm letting the inspectors back in.

[Adam Carolla]

Now lay off.

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, that's what I'm calling you about. You see, I was thinking maybe you could not let the inspectors in. What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. Have you been drinking, Bill?

[Daryl Hammond]

No. Well, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the thumbs up.

[Daryl Hammond]

Look, buddy, I need you to help me out here. This Monica Lewinsky thing is getting pretty hot again. I could use a distraction.

[Adam Carolla]

Like the mammoth movie. Wag the Dog.

[Daryl Hammond]

Mammoth? With that lesbian girl. And De Niro.

[Adam Carolla]

And Dustin. I thought Dustin was fabulous. You know, he may be hell on the set, but he's heaven on the screen.

[Daryl Hammond]

Oh, look sad, buddy. You're getting off the subject. Couldn't you spray a few curds with anthrax? Come on, Bill. Bill, come on. Anthrax is horrible. It makes me sick. I need something. I gotta get this sex stuff out of the headlines. Just hold on a second. I got another call coming in. Hello? Hey. Hey, Monica. I was just gonna call you. Gosh, it's like we have the same brain.

[Adam Carolla]

I really miss you so. What are you doing?

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, I got Saddam on the other line. Looks like there ain't gonna be a war. Well, that bites. Totally. Anyway, how's that star thing going?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Daryl Hammond]

And anyway, it's totally dumb. Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, are you watching Dawson's Creek right now?

[Daryl Hammond]

No, I am typing it. And do not tell me what happens to Mr. Pacey. All right.

[Andy Cowan]

Hey, let me say hi to Saddam.

[Daryl Hammond]

Okay? Hold on a second. Saddam, are you still there?

[Adam Carolla]

Who is that, one of your Jewish friends? No.

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, yes.

[Andy Cowan]

Hey, Saddam.

[Adam Carolla]

Monica, you never call me anymore. Monica. Oh, thanks for the beret. I love it. Oh, that's a good one. You're so cute.

[Andy Cowan]

Bill is being such a big baby.

[Daryl Hammond]

He won't wear his. Did you hear? Bill wants me to start a war or something.

[Andy Cowan]

Duh.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. It's like.

[Daryl Hammond]

It would really, really help us out. Monica, please come to Baghdad.

[Adam Carolla]

No one cares who I sleep with here. Saddam.

[Daryl Hammond]

Oh, but, Bill, you already said you had relationship with Monica.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, hold on one second. I've got a call coming in. Hello? Hey, Saddam, what's going on, man? Tim Meadows.

[Daryl Hammond]

Oh, I'm just talking to Bill and Monica.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, great. Put me on one second. Hey, guys, I got Tim Meadows on.

[Daryl Hammond]

The line from Saturday Night Live. Hey, Tim.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Tim. Hey, Tim. Hey, guys. How you doing?

[Daryl Hammond]

Hey, Timmy. How's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Aw, not too bad.

[Daryl Hammond]

What's up with you guys? Saddam agreed to a treaty.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no chance of a war, huh?

[Daryl Hammond]

No, I doubt it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, hey, how about Saddam just let the inspectors uncover some anthrax somewhere? Like in a palace or Something if I had any.

[Daryl Hammond]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Say, Timmy, we got it. Does it feel surreal to watch this stuff? Is it like it wasn't you? Yeah, like, feels like a different person.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like you almost can watch it. There's a certain point, and I don't know what that mark is, and it's probably different for everyone, but there's a certain point where you can watch things and it's not you, and then you can enjoy it like a spectator.

[Daryl Hammond]

What just happened to me right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now, I don't know what the over under is. It could be 10 years for some people, could be never. But, I mean, there's a version of life where you can watch yourself and literally be an audience member.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's not the following day after you do the bit, and it's not four years later.

[Daryl Hammond]

But it's way like, I couldn't. I couldn't watch the. The jeopardies, which for 10 years. Five years. 10 years, because I remembered being out there and not doing as well as I wanted to, you know, as Sean Connery.

[Adam Carolla]

What? But I mean, the Jeopardies, with Will being Trebek and Turd, Ferguson and Connery were like, that's just the best. I mean, making fun of his mother. And why that one of all bits, you know, the ones that people universally loved.

[Daryl Hammond]

Because, you know, I just really had a hard time with. With that character. You know, we. We'd started out doing an accurate impression of him and then we turned it into a cartoon, which is the way I ended up finding a way to be funny, like I would do when I went there as doing straight impressions. That's what I wanted to do, but they never really worked. And finally Carvey showed. Listen, man, you gotta exaggerate it. You turn this into a Hirschfeld drawing or a character, that's what you gotta do. It's. It's. Do him in a funny way. It doesn't have to be 100% accurate. It's got to be funny. Well, that makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's interesting when you do comedy, but you try to adhere to some rules or something. People go, just say whatever you want. I go, I'm not going to tell a story that didn't happen. It's got to have happened. You know what I mean? Say whatever you want. You're just trying to get laughs. And I go, yeah, but I don't. Like, I feel like you can't go, this happened if it never happened. And the answer is you can do whatever you want if it gets laughs.

[Daryl Hammond]

I Mean boy, the way that. That Dana narrowed it down for me out there about you got to get laughs. We ain't vague. It's not Vegas. We're not doing a tribute act.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Daryl Hammond]

You know, you're not on a sonar trying to match up with the real dude. You're in Saturday Night Live, and the whole world is watching. Like, the whole world. And you need to be funny. We need to be get laughs. So his. You know, the way he did George Bush Senior, right. I tried to model my. Everything I did after that on him.

[Adam Carolla]

Who were the mentors there versus? There's two approaches to comedy. There's. I'll help this young guy out, and I'll tell him everything I know. And then there's guarded, and this guy's coming from my job, or every laugh he gets is one left laugh.

[Daryl Hammond]

I saw both of those.

[Adam Carolla]

One less one I get. And then there are guys that are just like Dennis Miller, who are like, kind of prickly guys in general. I like Dennis, but he's, you know, he's like a prickly guy. I don't know what they're called.

[Daryl Hammond]

I don't know him. I did a couple. A show with him and enjoyed talking to him a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a good talker.

[Daryl Hammond]

Oh, he's very smart.

[Adam Carolla]

He's very smart, but he's just, you know, he's tough, you know, like. And then there are people that are sort of generous and warm. Like, who were the.

[Daryl Hammond]

Dana.

[Adam Carolla]

Dana's generous?

[Daryl Hammond]

Aykroyd.

[Adam Carolla]

Aykroyd's a good dude. Well, also, I think a lot of it comes from a security. Right? I mean, when you're Dan Aykroyd or Dana Carvey, it's easy to be generous because you don't feel like everyone's nipping at your heels. Like, you're. You. You're very good at what you do.

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, listen, by that time in his life, he was legendary, and no one had ever done it better. I'm not sure anyone has ever done. That's why I always say it's not an impression, it's an SNL impression. You know, it's. It's a character, you know, Are you familiar with the characters named Hirschfeld Hirschville? Does the Kate Hepburns, the. The bogeys. And you say Kate, you know, Hepburn's nose isn't really the drawings. So I had those in my office, right? From then on, I was like. I got, like, when I did Geraldo, you know, find a hook and make.

[Adam Carolla]

A meal out of it is so who were the guys that were tougher to deal with and less generous?

[Daryl Hammond]

I just don't want to say their names, but there was really only one.

[Adam Carolla]

Really, only one?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Jon Lovitz.

[Daryl Hammond]

No, Lovitz was his sweetheart.

[Adam Carolla]

I know Lovitz is a nice guy, but there was one guy in there that's a big name that was just a pain. I mean, just not generous.

[Daryl Hammond]

That was, I thought, rude. You know, out of your way to be rude.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Well, Chevy Chase. But he predated you, so I don't know why.

[Daryl Hammond]

Chevy never made me a mark. I've seen him be. Be. You know, I've seen him have pointy elbows before, but for some reason, he just sensed there's nothing there with this guy, you know? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know who the fuck this guy is. No, nobody knows who that. Who is this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's also a weird time when their impersonation of Gerald Ford was Chevy Chase as Chevy Chase, not doing Gerald Ford at all.

[Daryl Hammond]

Classic example of what Dana was talking about. It's a funny impression.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a Pratt fall.

[Daryl Hammond]

Whatever, right?

[Adam Carolla]

But it's so counter, you know, he didn't put a bald cap on. He didn't pad his sweater. He didn't do anything. He just went, I'm Gerald Ford.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. And yet it captured him. Yeah, it captured it perfectly.

[Adam Carolla]

So you. I know you come from some chaos out there. Dad and mom and I always. What is stuck in my head with you is this very haunting conversation we had a million years ago on Loveline when you were telling me about performing on a cruise ship or being abandoned on a cruise ship. I think it was a Disney cruise, if I do recall.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. Cocoa Beach.

[Adam Carolla]

And that story is insane. And I haven't heard it in 25 years, I don't think.

[Daryl Hammond]

Why did that one strike you? Well, it's a horror movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, because, you know, I remember people from conversations we had, and I don't remember names and dates that well, but I do remember you growing up and dad punching holes in the wall, or mom punching. You know, I remember, like, little physical descriptions because they're. They. They get etched in.

[Daryl Hammond]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, and I'm picturing you in that miniature little cell and being set up at the bar and your dad having to come in from New York, I think.

[Daryl Hammond]

From Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

From Florida. East Coast. Yeah. Of dad having to come in and try to bail you out. I just. I just remember that whole story being so gripping.

[Daryl Hammond]

And I thought so, too. It was, you know, it's, it's stark terror. And I don't know that I've experienced it. Another time.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, can we talk about it?

[Daryl Hammond]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're performing on the cruise?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, I was. I forget the name of the boat.

[Adam Carolla]

What year is this?

[Daryl Hammond]

Don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Before SNL?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yes, before SNL.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but quite a few years. Few years before SNL.

[Daryl Hammond]

I'm gonna say three or four, something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

So three, four years before SNL. What year do you hit SNL?

[Daryl Hammond]

95.

[Adam Carolla]

So let's just call it early 90s. And you're a working comedian and you're doing impressions and working and you get booked on the cruise.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, the Disney cruises were the best ones to work on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

The best treatment and the best money.

[Adam Carolla]

And you could do a seven day cruise and just perform two times or something like that.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, best money and best everything and.

[Adam Carolla]

You had to keep it clean.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so now you're like, you're working comedian and you get paid and you're on a cruise and they pull into. Where do they leave from?

[Daryl Hammond]

That one was leaving from Cocoa beach.

[Adam Carolla]

And they pull into what? Port Freeport. Where's that at?

[Daryl Hammond]

The Bahamas.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so you're in the Bahamas and you get off the boat and how long are you supposed to be off the boat?

[Daryl Hammond]

You know, they let you go into whatever, you know, township there is and you know, six hours, seven hours. And people go and have a good time. I've done it a million times.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they honk the horn, blow.

[Daryl Hammond]

The horn and time to go back.

[Adam Carolla]

Time to make it back. Right. So you go into town and you go into a restaurant, a bar, and I have four.

[Daryl Hammond]

There were these rum drinks, Golden Rum. Each one contained four ounces. So I had four. Four ounce rums.

[Adam Carolla]

Four ounce of heavy pour.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, I mean really.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're. Are you alone?

[Daryl Hammond]

There are some other people with me.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're not working that night?

[Daryl Hammond]

No, of course not.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're just having fun, Right? So you're just a tourist and drinking some rum.

[Daryl Hammond]

Drinking some rum.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's hitting, I mean, you know, four, four ounce, whatever, drinking 16 ounces of rum. That's a fair bit of rum. But listen, I get it. I could drink, you know.

[Daryl Hammond]

Have you had that much in one day?

[Adam Carolla]

Probably. Probably done that before. Yeah, So I get it. And there's, you know, sometimes it doesn't hit you that hard and other times it's like, whoa, the room is spinning. So I guess depends on what you ate before, stuff like that. So you're sitting at a bar, you're having a good time. Oh, man, you're with a few people from the Ship and you're having some cocktails and then what?

[Daryl Hammond]

I go upstairs to use the bathroom. There's a guy in the bar that comes up. Had come up to me a couple of times trying to sell me coke. And I. I don't like it. I don't know. I didn't know hardly anything. I didn't know hardly anything about coke. And I wasn't interested. Wanted to have my drinks and go back to the Ship. Well, I had to go to the bathroom. Time to go back. I went up to go to the bathroom, and I walked in the stall. I don't know why I went into the stall as opposed to the urinal, but I walked into the stall and this gentleman from downstairs follows me into the stall, into the stall, into the stall. And right now, right then, I'm. I'm really scared because that's such an aggro move. You don't really let people do stuff like that, right? But he was just like. He had the dollar bill. He was like, let me just give this to you to take back to the Ship so you can give to your friends. I'm like, fine, cocaine, don't hurt me. Yeah. He said it was cocaine. And then he's like, here, have. Have a head. Little spoon here. Try a. Put it up to my nose. So I sniffed, and there was a lot of residue around my nose. I remember that part. I looked in the mirror when I was walking outside. I was trying to do this. When I walked out of the bathroom, I walked to the foot of the stairs and I was arrested.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're pretty buzzed about now because of the rum.

[Daryl Hammond]

Crazy buzz.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think it's your phone and they may be your sponsor. So there's like a few cops or two. Two cops. And they say, what?

[Daryl Hammond]

You're under the arrest for possession of.

[Adam Carolla]

A controlled substance and you have the cocaine in your pocket or whatever.

[Daryl Hammond]

I've got a crumpled up dollar bill that has some powder in it.

[Adam Carolla]

In your hand?

[Daryl Hammond]

In my pocket.

[Adam Carolla]

In your pocket. And so then what happens next?

[Daryl Hammond]

So they take us to a. A jail.

[Adam Carolla]

And us is, huh, More than one person or you there?

[Daryl Hammond]

It was me and the guy who gave me the drugs.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that guy too. Okay.

[Daryl Hammond]

So we go to this place and you know when you're that lit, you're thinking, boy, this is crazy. This is just crazy. And I'm laying on a jail cell wall in Bahamas. Well, this is nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Daryl Hammond]

And the sun is starting to come up and you can see people walking by outside. Because we were. It was. It was underground. And you can. But there's windows and you can see folks going about their day outside. And you're like, what am I.

[Adam Carolla]

What am I doing this the following morning?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. And I'm starting to go.

[Adam Carolla]

So the ship's blowing the whistle, but the ship left. The ship left, Right. All right. I'm going sequentially. So you're supposed to get back on the ship six at night or whatever blows the whistle.

[Daryl Hammond]

And it's just 8 o' clock at night. And I didn't return.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. They leave. Where are they heading?

[Daryl Hammond]

Don't remember.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, when are you supposed to perform next?

[Daryl Hammond]

I don't know. But in those days, I. I never. I tried drinking before a show. Only one time when I was doing Stand up in the country, and I would never do that again.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So. But technically they're going to find out you're missing at some point.

[Daryl Hammond]

At some point.

[Adam Carolla]

And know you're gonna have a show to do two days from now or something. You ain't gonna be there. So you spend the night in the.

[Daryl Hammond]

Cell, you passed out on the floor.

[Adam Carolla]

Passed out on the floor. On the floor, yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

And no bed, no benches.

[Adam Carolla]

No bed, no benches, just the floor. All right, and then what?

[Daryl Hammond]

At some point. I don't exactly recall. I'm sure it was that day. I remember being transferred to another jail. And when we got to the other jail, they put us in a holding area. And what I remember about that is there was not enough oxygen. Just think about that. There wasn't enough oxygen in the. You can't get as much as you.

[Adam Carolla]

Want to breathe because of what?

[Daryl Hammond]

Because there was no ventilation.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it very hot and humid and all that stuff?

[Daryl Hammond]

Beyond hot and humid. And there was a crack in the ceiling, and I guess that was it. Like, obviously we can't suffocate our prisoners. They can get a little air. A little bit of air. Now I'm in. What? I would not just fear. I think that would. That would be like terror. And when you can't breathe, you start to panic. The guy who sold me the drugs. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. Sorry.

[Daryl Hammond]

With the coasters.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I was trying to do it quietly.

[Daryl Hammond]

But you did it good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay.

[Daryl Hammond]

The guy who sold me the drugs started to scream at one of the guards who had come in. Now, the guards had sawed off pool cues.

[Adam Carolla]

Sawed off pool cues.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. It's so funny. Here, when we talk about Alligator ALCATRAZ, like it's 81 degrees in there. There, there's four guys per, per bunk or something. It's like, what do you think prison is like abroad?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, yeah. It's a hundred and something degrees in there and you barely have enough oxygen.

[Adam Carolla]

So they have sawed off pool cues. Yeah, they're like billy clubs.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. And you can tell what the end of a pool cue, the small end of a pool, you can see where the, you know what I mean? And so the guy that sold me the drug starts screaming at one of the guards, there's not enough air. We can't breathe. We can't breathe. And the guard just backhands him with the sawed off pool cue and it hits him so hard. Like he stands there for a second and like blood was coming out of his mouth and like, then he pulled out like a tooth and he had it in his hand and he began to defecate.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah, just standing there, like the whole thing. Like, what's he wearing?

[Daryl Hammond]

Like shorts and a T shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Daryl Hammond]

So he went down.

[Adam Carolla]

So just the two of you in the cell?

[Daryl Hammond]

There were others.

[Adam Carolla]

There were others.

[Daryl Hammond]

There were other people who knew not to yell at a guard. So every once in a while they'd bring a big jug of warm water and, and you could have, they'd let you pass it around for a few.

[Adam Carolla]

Minutes and everyone take a swig off.

[Daryl Hammond]

It would take a big swig of warm water.

[Adam Carolla]

And so now we're in there for what, day and a half?

[Daryl Hammond]

No, I'm in there just for a few hours.

[Adam Carolla]

Few hours. And then what?

[Daryl Hammond]

They move me to the cell that I would stay in for the next few days.

[Adam Carolla]

And that cell looks like what?

[Daryl Hammond]

Oh, about three or four feet across and maybe six feet, seven feet long.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Daryl Hammond]

And they were, you know. Have you ever seen dried feces? Yeah, I mean, like smashed and dried. Someone should have cleaned that up a long time ago. They're still there. So that was on the floor and I was in chains.

[Adam Carolla]

You're in like leg irons and leg irons.

[Daryl Hammond]

And I remember going to, I don't know if you, if I told you this part. I asked to use the bathroom, right? So I'm going to use the bathroom. And I said, he's standing there looking at him, he's like, I don't think I can go to the bathroom if you're staring at me. Like, he goes like this. Do your business. I'm like, what? So they, I, I, I, they accorded me One phone call and I called my father in Melbourne, Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is two days in or something?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, well, I think it was the first day that they put me in my. In the right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all, all your favorite devices. Pluto tv Stream now pay never. So there's no bathroom in your cell?

[Daryl Hammond]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

And what do they do for food.

[Daryl Hammond]

Three times a day, A paper plate, grits, ham and a cup of water. Three times a day, same food. So interestingly, during the time I was there, some fellows came in and said, give us $4,000 cash right now, we'll take you out of here. And I don't know if they are DEA deu. I don't know. I don't know who they were, but they had the authority to get me out of a prison. It sounds like something out of narcos. Mexico, right. And I said, I can't get $4,000 tonight. My father's going to fly down with some money. But they wanted that money tonight. Like, oh, well, good luck.

[Adam Carolla]

So they just left.

[Daryl Hammond]

They left. A little while later a guy comes in. A guy comes to the. You know you have a door that has bars in it. It's not bars, it's just a door with bars in it. And the guy comes in and goes.

[Adam Carolla]

Hammond, you mean a door with bars like in the window?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, like a small, like, yeah, like a small window.

[Adam Carolla]

So yeah, all right. Like, yeah, okay, I gotcha.

[Daryl Hammond]

Okay, so let me pull this back. So he comes there and he says to me, you're not in America. Listen, you, you can help yourself. You're not going to make it. You cannot make it. And I'm like. So he's telling me, you're going to do time. And then he walks away. I guess the next day this big burly guy comes walking in and he's like, Hammond, man, you don't belong in this cell like that. I'm like, what's up? He's like, come, come, come, come with me, come with me. And he takes me out into an air conditioned area.

[Adam Carolla]

Tastes like American.

[Daryl Hammond]

No, I don't know what he was, but he didn't have that thick Bahamian accent. He was just sort of like, yeah, you don't belong on this satellite like that. So he takes me into this air conditioned area. He Gives me a plate with collard greens and corn and super delicious barbecue chicken.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Daryl Hammond]

And a big, big old Diet Coke.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

This is about day three or so.

[Daryl Hammond]

The day before the trial. And he says. He gives me the sports page to read, right? And he says, so tomorrow you've got about a 50. 50 chance. 50, 50 chance. If you get a judge that will take. That will fine you, or a judge who just wants to make an example of you. So if that happens, you'll do about three years. I'm like, what? Anyway, he was very nice to me. And the next day, in shackles, hand and feet.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you wearing at this point? Did it give you something?

[Daryl Hammond]

No. Whatever I had worn on the cruise ship in the bar that night, I remember using my shoes. They were like Adidas or Reebok black sneakers. Those. I use those as a pillow at night.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. And that the worst.

[Adam Carolla]

They're like cockroaches and stuff in there.

[Daryl Hammond]

I didn't see any cockroaches. But the worst part about that experience, though, is you go to sleep. Finally you're exhausted, and you have a dream. Like, I had this dream that we were kids and we were playing ball in Crane Creek and swinging over the. Diving and. Really? Yeah. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life down in Melbourne, Florida. There was a big rope swing, and we would swing out over the water and drop down into the gorgeous Crane Creek. And then you hear a sound and you're awake and you're in jail and you're in chains. You're in shackles.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Daryl Hammond]

And you've never even had a speeding ticket and you're in shackles. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because where. Now where's your dad at this point?

[Daryl Hammond]

He's coming down.

[Adam Carolla]

Not there yet.

[Daryl Hammond]

No. But he came down for the day of the. The arraignment, and he came in the courthouse, and I said, do you think it's going to be okay? And grave. He's like, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's grave?

[Daryl Hammond]

My father was grave.

[Adam Carolla]

Like your dad's name? Oh, I mean, his.

[Daryl Hammond]

No, he had a grave expression.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he looked worried.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, he did. And, you know, it's a guy that's been in two wars, including one with Nazis. I mean, the cat knows danger, and he senses that something really bad could happen here.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Now, what about. Do you get an attorney? How's that work?

[Daryl Hammond]

We're walking in and a guy comes up and he says, listen, I'll get your son off for $500 up front. My father looks at him with that Georgia accent. He goes, I'll give you $300, you get my boy off. I'll give you 300 more, but I'll give you 300 right now. The guy's like, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy.

[Daryl Hammond]

Okay, sounds good.

[Adam Carolla]

How much cash does your dad have.

[Daryl Hammond]

When it comes to 5,000?

[Adam Carolla]

5,000? Well, he's able to rally 5,000 cash pretty hard.

[Daryl Hammond]

He knew he had a couple of rich friends, but no, I don't think that was easy for him.

[Adam Carolla]

No. I'm trying to think. I think of taking my dad a little time to get that together himself.

[Daryl Hammond]

Anybody?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not anybody but Jimmy Kimmel. Wouldn't take him that long to do it. I have friends that have money. Not everybody but my dad. Yeah, your dad sounds like it's a bit of a stretch.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So he gets 5,000 cash, comes down there.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And now you got your court appointed attorney, but there's not really court appointed. Right.

[Daryl Hammond]

The lines are very blurry over there. Down there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So you give 300 to the guy.

[Daryl Hammond]

And he's going to get 300 more if he gets me off.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Does he make an argument?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yes. They put us in the prisoner's docket. So there are two of us in the prisoner's docket. And my guy comes in there and turns into like a Johnny Cochrane. He's like, you're on a. Look at this dollar bill. You can't tell if that's cocaine. Is it sweet and low? It's not enough to get high. It was a miscommunication between the two people that ended this. That in his pocket. He was not there to do cocaine. And we don't even know if this is cocaine.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Daryl Hammond]

Like that kind of thing. And the judge thinks about this for a second.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a DA or is it just a judge?

[Daryl Hammond]

Just the judge. There's a little back and forth for them. I don't recall exactly. I'm paraphrasing because I obviously don't have a recording. And the judge finds me twenty five hundred dollars cash, American to be deliverable afterwards, blah, blah, blah, and I get off. The best part was when we're walking out of there and someone, maybe it was a bailiff or something, says, your worshipfulness. And he points to the guy that sold me the drugs and he goes, what about this guy? And the judge starts laughing. He goes, charges dropped.

[Adam Carolla]

Charges dropped.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, against that guy that sold me the drug.

[Adam Carolla]

So he didn't have to pay any money.

[Daryl Hammond]

I paid 2,500. He dropped the charges for the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

That that's what I said. Yeah. Charges dropped for him.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So now what? Now what do we. Well, they knew he was an empty bag, right? They knew he didn't have anything.

[Daryl Hammond]

All he had was the dollar bill with some stuff crumpled up and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't have money to pay? No. So they knew you had money because you're American?

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, they hoped.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they figured out Americans. I mean, someone will figure it out. They'll get their money out of you, but they're not getting any money out of this guy because he wasn't. He didn't have anything, right?

[Daryl Hammond]

I guess. No. I guess when they dropped the case against me, they dropped the case against him as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, did they drop it against you or do they. But they charged you 2,500.

[Daryl Hammond]

They found me 2,500.

[Adam Carolla]

But they didn't fine him $2,500?

[Daryl Hammond]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's what I'm talking about. So then did that guy set you up? But then if he did set you up, why did he go to prison or jail? And then how did the cops. Why are the cops at the bottom of the stairs?

[Daryl Hammond]

Right? And who were the cops? Who exactly did they work for? Because, I mean, there's three or four different agencies going on down there, and they. I don't know, it's confused. So we're walking out of there and my father sees. There's these four or five men standing around. And my father sees the guy who gave me drugs standing with all these men, and they're having. They're laughing, they're having a soda, talking. And my father walks over to the guy and someone sees him and walks up and says, listen, tell your son, never come to this country again. This will follow him anytime.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Daryl Hammond]

My father said something like, I'm going to come back and I'm gonna kill you. So do you just count on that? It was like.

[Adam Carolla]

That was such a hard ass.

[Daryl Hammond]

He was a freak. Yeah. And I'm going to kill you. But it was like. Like, I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna. We're gonna go to lunch, right? I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna kill you.

[Adam Carolla]

And did you flew back with your dad?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it a tough ride? It was a tough conversation. Was he pissed at you?

[Daryl Hammond]

He didn't say a word.

[Adam Carolla]

He just didn't say a word?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, he said, you know, I'm sorry to can. I don't know if you can use the F word here.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Daryl Hammond]

He's just like, listen, forget it. You up. Okay, up, big time. You up. Because when I called him, he said, wait a second. You did drugs in the Caribbean? Like that? I was like, well, yeah. And I remember it so distinctly. He was like, well, if you don't want the light to come on, don't flick the switch, son. Like that. Like, how can you be such a fool?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Daryl Hammond]

How could you be such a fool?

[Adam Carolla]

But no more. You didn't. He didn't rub it in your face later on?

[Daryl Hammond]

No, not at all.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't tell you needed that money back?

[Daryl Hammond]

No, not at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't do any of that.

[Daryl Hammond]

Never said anything. And I remember getting back to my little home. We get. Flew into Orlando, and I got in my little. Our house in Melbourne, Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you living with him at the time?

[Daryl Hammond]

I was living in New York because I was. I had. Yeah, I was married and living in New York.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. But you stayed with him back.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. He's like, come to the house, rest up, take. And take a bath. And he was like, tell me, God damn you. You really need a shower, son. You really need to get in that. Get. Get up next to that soap right now.

[Adam Carolla]

So he took you back to his place?

[Daryl Hammond]

And I haven't had a drink yet. I go in and I bathe and. And then I decide to take a little walk just to think about things and, you know, like. Cause I couldn't figure out what was going on. So I walked down this dirt road through these palmettos, and I'm looking at the palm trees and thinking, trying to process all of it. And it wasn't really very long before I veered off to the right and walked over to New Haven Avenue into a liquor store.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like, I need a drink.

[Daryl Hammond]

I need 10.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, look, there's ever a time you needed a drink, I would say that would be about the time, right?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. You find that story scary?

[Adam Carolla]

The Bahamian prison story? Yeah, it is. Well, it just. Well, first off, I mean, here's how we define a story. First off, have you heard it before? And the answer is no. Like, I've never heard anyone who had this happen to them. So that makes it unique right out of the gate. And then the way you told affected you. I felt like there's a version of this story that's a kind of drunk, kind of a Bert Kreischler in college tells you some version of this. And it sounds like some sort of funny story, you know what I mean? But for you, it seemed impactful.

[Daryl Hammond]

I've tried to make it Funny. And I can't. I tried to tell the story in a funny way and I'm not able to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, doing the voices is kind of. Kind of funny, but.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, it's more like a performance thing if nothing else. But you know, when I got back to New York and I went to Dangerfields one night to see a friend of mine.

[Adam Carolla]

Performance now. Sorry, what happened with Disney? Did they fire you? Were the calling, the care.

[Daryl Hammond]

Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Never heard from them again. Never work for them again, though. That was it.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

And then a few years later, you're on snl. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Daryl Hammond]

I'm at the White House.

[Adam Carolla]

You're at the White House? Yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

Talking to the President.

[Adam Carolla]

Just a few years after that, right?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[Daryl Hammond]

My favorite part of the story was when I went back to New York and got drunk and I came up with this. You know when. When you're drinking, the more you drink, the. The more right you think you are. Like, I'm right, man. This is a great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Daryl Hammond]

I thought. I don't know if I told you this. And I decided there was a social club of legendary mafioso on Mulberry Street. And I decided I was going to go there and ask them if I could join them and work for them because I wanted to go down and kill some people in. In the Caribbean.

[Adam Carolla]

In the Caribbean.

[Daryl Hammond]

And I remember the driver, you know, we're pulling up on Mulberry street. He's like, you sure you want to go here, man? I mean, it's not. This is not something to monkey around with, right? I'm like, yeah, I. Yes, I've got a purpose. So I'm wasted as hell. All this is, all that I remember of that night is we got to this particular club, there were men standing out on the sidewalk. And I went up to them and I do recall beginning to tell them my story. And then I sort of faded. Can't remember what happened then.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Daryl Hammond]

The following morning, I woke up in a sand pile on a sand pile behind the social club. And I was fine, except my shirt was covered in red. And it occurred to me, did I get happened? I don't know why I put my finger on it. Like, I thought the blood must have coagulated or something. It was marinara sauce. And I remember thinking to myself, I guess I ate good. I guess I ate well last night.

[Adam Carolla]

And how long after that did you get sober?

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, I've been sober a number of times and picked up again, but, you know, there were one years, three or Four times, One year. One time, five years. One time, four years, another time. Two years. You know, I've gone through it like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are you at now?

[Daryl Hammond]

Coming up on three.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's great.

[Daryl Hammond]

Hard and harder than hell, my brother.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know. I have a, you know, I don't know a saying or something, but I love having a drink after doing a couple shows or getting out of a race car and cracking a beer. You know, like, they're just like times, you know what I mean? And I don't think people. People that don't drink don't know there's times. And people that don't smoke cigarettes don't know their times, but their times. You know what I mean? And for me, I've always kind of been like, I get it's not good for you, but I just did a race at Road America, which is Wisconsin, and it's like, there's so much stress in the car.

[Daryl Hammond]

You just race.

[Adam Carolla]

You race a car, race a vintage car race.

[Daryl Hammond]

You race.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And when you get out of the car, you just go, I want a beer.

[Daryl Hammond]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I want a beer so bad. Because you want it.

[Daryl Hammond]

You just conquered the world.

[Adam Carolla]

You just feel like I just had this adrenaline dump and I just want to crack a beer. And so my thing approach has always been like, look, I've been at the track. My race on Saturday didn't go off till 5:15 in the afternoon. I'm walking around the track all day. I want a beer before the race. Yeah, well, I want a beer at noon. I'm walking around the racetrack all day.

[Daryl Hammond]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

But can't have the beer before you get in the car.

[Daryl Hammond]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Because then if I said, you know, I'm just going to sneak a few beers before I get in the car, then I would have to go, well, now you got a problem.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, big problem.

[Adam Carolla]

And my thing is I look forward to that beer so much when I get out of the car. The no beer that whole afternoon. I'll have it when I get out of the car, but I want it when I get out of the car. But if I fucking drink three beers at noon, then I'm not gonna be able have any beer because now there's an issue.

[Daryl Hammond]

You ain't kidding, and yet you think you're fine to do it. The time I drink Wild Turkey in, like Fort Pierce, I forget where I was down on Palm beach area and I had a few shots of Wild Turkey and I won't forget. Midway through the act, I hear a voice from the audience say, you already told that one.

[Adam Carolla]

It does happen, booze or not, if you mix up your set a lot and you do this joke and that joke that night and that joke and this. I do get up there sometimes on my second set going, wait a minute.

[Daryl Hammond]

Same here.

[Adam Carolla]

Say this one. So do you mix? You mix and match a lot?

[Daryl Hammond]

I try to, yeah. I mean, there's about, I don't know, a material that I have written that I find palatable is about two and a half, three hours that I.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right.

[Daryl Hammond]

And I try to mix and match, but I have that problem too. And then back in the old days when I was doing five sets a night in the Village, I mean, I could. I never remember what I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, but you're drinking then. Back then.

[Daryl Hammond]

Not on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

Not on stage.

[Daryl Hammond]

I only tried that the one time.

[Adam Carolla]

Bad, maybe too personal. But after putting five years together. What got you back on after putting the five together?

[Daryl Hammond]

My sponsor blew his brains out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that'll do it.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're.

[Daryl Hammond]

That's when I started dressing in black all the time. No, I'm wearing colors now.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, your AA sponsor killed himself.

[Daryl Hammond]

Sponsee.

[Adam Carolla]

Sponsee. Wait, what's a sponsor?

[Daryl Hammond]

Sponsor is the guy you sponsor.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. The guy you were sponsoring.

[Daryl Hammond]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that stings, man.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. And especially when. When it's done in a way so consciously done in a way that will wipe out everyone that cared about him. That will wipe us off the face of the map. That'll make it so that we're never gonna quite be the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

Again, like in my. He had been outed for being gay. He was a wonderful defense attorney and was fired for being gay.

[Adam Carolla]

For being gay.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. Well, I mean, they didn't say it as much, but they caught him making out with a guy at a convention and they fired him.

[Adam Carolla]

What year is this about?

[Daryl Hammond]

I can't. It's going to be. What is going to be like late 90s or late maybe early 90s.

[Adam Carolla]

So. Yeah. Well, let's see. It's kind of interesting. There's like. There's a few ways to kill yourself. One is go off into the woods and, you know, whatever. And the other is to do it at your parents house, you know, hang yourself in the living room kind of thing. There's versions of it that are sort of almost presentational versus I want to die, you know?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. And that was a theatrical thing that he did. He was so angry at them for that. He had been. He's this good guy with his kid. I mean, he's doing everything right.

[Adam Carolla]

He's doing everything right. And his firm fired him.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah. So the way he did it was so theatrical. It was a.357 Magnum which really kind of removes your head.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it somewhere or out in the forest?

[Daryl Hammond]

Here come the two worst parts of the whole story. I get a little. I get a call from his 11 year old daughter telling me, our daddy died today. He committed suicide. 11 year old girl's voice on. On the answering machine that flipped me the hell out. But when we go to the funeral and they have the open casket and they have almost like a. It looks like an egg. That's gauze.

[Adam Carolla]

They had an open casket for a guy, did a.

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, there were family members could come in and if they really wanted, they could see that. They could look at the body.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Daryl Hammond]

Macabre.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

Seeing the people that he wanted to ruin around me was wow. He wanted to make it so they'll never feel good again. They won't ever really laugh all the way again. They won't ever laugh all the way again. Not after this. Letting them know you did this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

Here's a present for you. Here's what you really did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Did you take it that way for you too?

[Daryl Hammond]

Well, he had told me that he was gay shortly before and that he was in love with me. So I was. Yeah. So I'm saying to him, you know, I can't sponsor you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Daryl Hammond]

You're in love with me. But we can be pals, still do everything stuff together. Well, that wasn't enough for him. Now I took it on myself. He killed himself because of me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that.

[Daryl Hammond]

And maybe he did kill himself to get back at me as well as the other guy. The whole gay thing with him turned into an. And do a crescendo of war.

[Adam Carolla]

So that puts you in a place where a drink would be necessary.

[Daryl Hammond]

It wouldn't be possible not to.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm with you. I mean that was a place I can tell anybody.

[Daryl Hammond]

Would not be possible not to. Certain things could happen. I mean, you don't want that. But they can happen to good people playing by the rules, doing the right thing and then you know. You know what I'm talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

Don't wish that in anyone, but it occurs sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

This has been a morose but interesting. Well, the first part was kind of funny conversation. The first part, the Don Pardo part was funny. All right, Darrell, let me give you. Listen, I love a story. I love a real conversation. That's why I always Enjoyed speaking to you. And comedy dates coming up. Where should we. I know you got comedy works in Denver, but anywhere else. And you see Cray. You listen to Cray.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, we're doing. I'm working with Greg Baldwin. He's producing legend shows with me and Leno on Arsenio and. Super enjoyable. Oh, yeah, yeah, we did one last week. Got a couple more coming up. Super, super enjoyable.

[Adam Carolla]

Leno called me over the weekend.

[Daryl Hammond]

Did you talk to him?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's such a good dude. He's like. He called me on Friday, Thursday, and he goes, here you're playing the Pabst Theater in Milwaukee. And I go, yeah. And he goes, I got some friends that bought a. I bought a Dodge Dart from them a long time ago. I go, yeah. He goes, well, they live in Milwaukee. I go, okay, well, they're big fans, you know. I go, with what? They're big fans of mine. I go, okay, what's their name? And then he goes, he had a weird name, like, works like Steinworks or something. It was like Stoneworks or something. Gives a weird name. I go, okay, I'll put them on the list, Jay. And they can come backstage. And then goes, yeah, okay. And then that was it. And then that was at the theater about 10 minutes before the show started. And they said, there's some group out here that says they're on a list to come see it, but we don't have their name on the list. And my guy goes, stoneworks. And I go, no, it's Shabikski or something. And I go, well, I don't know who this person is. And they go, oh. I go, what's the name again? It's like Shubitsky. I go, oh, no, ours is Stoneworks. And she goes, oh, okay. Well, I don't know who these people are. Well, they shouldn't. And then I go, wait a minute. Did Jay Leno send them? And she goes, yeah. I go, okay, well, work that into the. Work that part into the conversation. I go, leno called me, but he gave me the wrong name or the guy. Somebody used the other name or whatever it is. And then this nice group just came by after the show.

[Daryl Hammond]

He's so kind.

[Adam Carolla]

He's so kind. He's literally. He buys a Dodge Dart from somebody years ago, presumably, and they contact him and go, hey, we're in Milwaukee and we like Adam, and we see he's playing the theater. He just calls me straight away, put these people on a list.

[Daryl Hammond]

When I was doing an SNL of. I think it was either. The 30th might have been the 40th anniversary and the only other time in my life that I walked the red carpet. I was told to walk the red carpet. I get out on the red carpet and the people have microphones in my face and I'm telling my stories in an animated way and feeling pretty good. George Clooney's car pulls up. He gets out of the car. They leave me to go to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Daryl Hammond]

Without even a word, not a hesitation.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Daryl Hammond]

Without aplomb. They beeline over there. And you know, you're acting. You want to act like nothing's wrong. Well, you know. And I hear this voice behind me and it's Leno. He's taking pity on me. He yells at them. He goes, ladies and gentlemen, you're missing the boat. Darryl Hammond and I are gay lovers. Daryl Hammond and I turn it, we're getting married, ladies and gentlemen. And I said, why you just have to do that? It was like tough racket.

[Adam Carolla]

Darrell Hammond, Everyone will take a break, come back, do mayhem in the news right after this. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts, you know the jingle and they're in the business. Keeping your car on the road, people. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts and knowledge you need to keep all your cars maintained and repaired and on the road. I've always used O'Reilly, always, well, used the one up in Foothill Boulevard. Now, guess we're going on, well, we're going on 30 years. Always used that one because I lived up there and I still do. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly. So stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema in is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV stream now pay never. Here's a memorable moment from the Adam Carolla Show's ACE Awards archives.

[Daryl Hammond]

Does Jesse ever have casual conversations like was he? If you're hanging out with his friends and one of his friends says, jesse, think you like some, some dinner? Jesse be like Hasolo was at Apparatus Emotion.

[Adam Carolla]

That Apparatus.

[Daryl Hammond]

I said I was at that apparatus emulsion.

[Adam Carolla]

I forgot how much it made me laugh. The 2025 ACE Awards coming this December. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show. Mayhem's in studio. He's got the news. What do you got? Yeah, well, Hunter Biden gave an unhinged interview. Says his father's on Ambien before the disastrous debate and he defends his painting sales. Oh, all right. Well, let's listen to the Ambien excuse, which is kind of like the Twinkie defense, if people remember that. Although you're probably too young, Mayhem, I do recall this, but this is probably more far fetched in the Twinkie defense. And I got some timelines and dates. I'll explain to you. But here he is. Here's his. He's 81 years old. He's tired as. Give him Ambien to be able to sleep. He gets up on the stage and he looks like he's a deer in the headlights. And it feeds into every story that anybody wants to tell. And Jake Tapper with literally how many anonymous sources. If this was a conspiracy, Andrew, you know this. Somehow the entirety of a White House in which you literally living on top of each other has kept their mouth shut about, you know, like what and what's conspiracy? Yeah, that Joe Biden got old. Yeah, he got old. He got old before our eyes. Yeah. Except for Andrew, he missed the whole travel part before then. So we'll have to find. Well, yes, there's a clip of him saying he was traveling around the world. Yes, yes. And then the game, Ambien. That's what it did. So we'll find that clip. Just because I'll. The whole reason we're setting up our points here, Andrew, is cause we making the point based on what he said, which we didn't hear there, but we'll hear it. It's out there because that's why cuts are weird, because there's lots of clips floating around and some of them are a little truncated, as they say. Yeah. He did mention earlier in there that they were jetting all over the world and they had pumped him full of Ambien so that he could sleep. Well, there's a couple. Okay, let's break it down. He did a lot of rambling. Yeah.

[Daryl Hammond]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let's just play it. Sorry. See if we have it. I know exactly what happened in that debate. He flew around the world, basically. And the mileage that he could have flown around the world three times. He's 81 years old, he's tired as shit. Give him Ambien to be able to sleep. He gets up on the stage and he looks like he's a deer in the nightlight. So he flies around the world three times. Okay, he went to Europe, first off, Joe Biden. Okay, let's just break down what it's like to fly on Air Force One versus like when, you know you're doing Spirit Airline. I'm doing Southwest. Right. First off, there's no security, there's no waiting in line, there's no taking the shoes off, there's no pat down. The plane leaves when you get there. So the first part of travel. And the first part of travel is, believe you me, I was in Milwaukee last week and I was in Milwaukee two days ago. And I said to Mike August, I said, can you drive me to the airport in the morning? And he goes, yeah, I'll drive you to the airport. And then later on he goes, geez, I got a 6am flight. And then he goes, rudy, my opener, he'll drive you and he'll pick you up at 7 in the morning in the lobby. As a matter of fact, I, I just said to Rudy, I got an 8:30 flight. How long does it take at the airport? He goes, I have 20, 25 minutes. I said, I'll just meet you at 7 in the lobby. I got back to my room at midnight because I did shows that night, set the alarm for 6:15, got up in the morning, met Rudy down in the lobby of the hotel at 7, jumped in his car, drove me to the airport, got to the airport, dragged everything, checked a bag, went through security and then found out the flight was delayed an hour and just sat there. In Milwaukee, in the airport. Okay, that is not Joe Biden. Joe Biden has a bedroom on his airplane, probably a waterbed. FAA can't allow that. But the point is, I am guessing that the President of the United States has a full sweep. Oh yeah, a full suite and a full slate of servants and food and whatever you want. Okay, so you got what everyone. So travel for him is not travel for us. No babies crying, no person behind you trying to get the tray table down and jostling your seat. Nobody wakes him up. When Joe Biden falls asleep on an airplane, nobody wakes him up and goes, sorry, I gotta take a piss, I gotta get by. No, you get waking up cuz the guy against the window has to take a piss and he's got to get by. Okay, so his travel. Here's the thing about travel. Travel is aggravating and it's tiring and it's frustrating and it's confusing, but not when you back out. All of the airport security, wait in line. Sir. This credit card won't get you into the Centurion Lounge at Denver. This is the wrong credit. When you. Babies crying, people jostling. When you remove all that, you just go, air Force One lady going, take your shoes off and leave your hat on. Right, Right. Okay. None. I had a guy swear something was in my back pocket when I went through security. I was like, there's nothing in my pocket. I had to do the backhand. Listen here. Every time I go through that thing, I've been waiting to tell you this. They rub me down.

[Andy Cowan]

And I.

[Adam Carolla]

And last time I got angry, I said, yeah, go ahead. Just go ahead, buddy. I've been to prison for. Just do it. Just do it. And he's like, hey, hey, be respectful. I'm training him. So it's two guys rubbing my junk. All right, so here's the whole. Here's the whole thing. President Biden traveling, by the way, Trump never claims he's, you know, sleep deprived or tired or on the wrong side of the dateline.

[Andy Cowan]

Fired up on him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oranges. As if you can sit on your airplane if you're coming back from the Middle east or coming back from Europe. If you want to sleep for nine hours on the airplane and you're on Air Force One, you will have a bedroom in the air for you to sleep in and whatever food waiting for you when you wake up or before you go to bed. So travel. And beat out is not Europe on 30 bucks. Think of all the points he's missing out on. Yeah. Oh, he's just missing out on points. So he went to Europe June 4th through the 9th, and then he went June 13th through the 15th to Italy, but the debate was June 27th, so. Meaning he hadn't flown internationally for 12 days. And then he went to Camp David and he prepped for the debate for six days. Six days he was in camp, sleeping all day with all the amenities and all the people who are there to support him, Diet and exercise and all the chefs and everything. Six days since. Six days he's at Camp David and 12 days away from the last time he was sleeping in Air Force One. So don't give me the fucking ambient excuse, you retard. But the guys. I mean, Hunter Biden's a sociopath, but the thing is, Joe Biden's a sociopath that dumb people don't know is a sociopath. He is a Sociopath. And Hunter's a sociopath. And by the way, when you interview these guys, could you do a halfway decent interview, like going, what do you mean? They gave me ambient and pushed him on stage. That guy is from all gas, no breaks. The show, that was just him interviewing drunk people and then editing it to be really funny. So I'm not very surprised. All right, he wasn't on Ambien. He was back in the States for two weeks and he was at a retreat prepping for a week before this. So don't listen. You could have been in a horrific motorcycle crash. And okay, you know, I said to Drew, I said, drew, you could have recouped enough to do. You know, many times I've fucking flown over and did whatever. You give me a one hour nap in a shower and I'll go up on stage and I'll debate anybody. So don't give me that six days, not enough Ambien bullshit. But God bless him for lying, for I would say, you know what? I would expect my son to step up. You know, I would be nice if my son would lie on my behalf. I don't think he would do it, but I think God bless him. But anyway, so being at Camp David, living in luxury seclusion and preparation for 90 minute debate for six motherfucking days while someone's back in Washington D.C. working the auto pen. And you call that traveling around the world three times given ambient and pushed on stage? You're fucking liar. I'm just saying we have to call people liars. Wait, you're saying that Hunter Biden is not a reliable witness. I'm just saying everyone's gotta call him a liar. He was lying. He's just lying. That's all I know. In his scrambled fucking telling the truth. I don't know the fervor with which he was spouting this. I don't think he's really aware of how time works. All right, anyway, what's the next. It all smeared together. Hey, Trump's on some weirdness right now. He threatens to block the Washington Commanders Stadium deal unless the team changed it back to the Redskins. I like the logo. Well, first off, putting. Look, whether you're Nebraska or whether you're Wisconsin College or whether you're. What are they? The command. The Washington Commanders. Yeah. You just putting the fucking initial that the state starts with. That's not a logo. Do you know what I mean? That's not a logo. I need a logo. I need a fighting Irishman. Yes. Who ironically have no logo on their Football helmet. But I just mean I want a Demon Deacon. Yeah. I want a Red Raider, a Blue Devil. Like, I want to see something, right? Just taking. Going, what's our. Okay, what's our logo? I mean, it'd be like someone going, where? Where's your business, Adam Glendale. What's your logo gonna be? I don't know. I got a friend from North Hollywood. He just uses an N. Like, it's like, no, you gotta come up with something. The Redskin logo was cool, and then they just got rid of the Redskin logo and they just put a W. I know it's anecdotal, but the only Native American guys that I met said they loved it. And they're like, yeah, that's our football team. Like, well, that's anecdotal, though. So here we go. A lot of liberal angriness, the Washington whatevers. And also, it's a weird. Okay, but here's the other thing, too. We are in a place where we're in a cop out world right now. What's that mean, Adam? Oh, okay, I'll fill you in. It's so easy to offend so many people and cultures and groups that when you go, we gotta name our team, you go, just pick something kind of generic and, you know, kind of middle. Like, it's not gonna be fun. It's just gonna be kind of generic and boring because what we can't do is offend this group or offend that group or do. Or do whatever. The logo with everything. So we get this sort of milquetoast, you know, trail mix version of life where it's just like, totally. You know what I mean? It's like when you have a couple vegetarian assholes and you're ordering pizza, you're like, I want the meat lover. And it's like. And instead of Steve, just get regular. Just get a regular cheese. Everyone goes, well, I don't really like. And they go, yeah, I know, but it's. It's Ann and Steve, and they're vegetarian, and so everyone's dragging us down to the vegetarian level. Yeah, just get the basic one that nobody really likes, but they'll. They'll eat it. And you get free pizza. So it's still pizza, but it's not the one you wanted. But we've dumbed it all down because we don't want to offend anyone. Ann and Steve over there. So it's like just this. Just have the regular. And you go, well, I like sausage and pepperoni. Yeah, I know, we all do. But There's Ann and Steve, and they're vegetarian. So we're just going to name our team that the Commanders, because nobody's. Everyone's okay with that. And that's what. That's how we end up in this place of like. Yeah, you figured it out, right? All right, so bring the fucking logo back. Yeah. The Washington whatever should change their. Immediately change their name back to the Washington Redskins football team. There's a big clamoring for this. Likewise the Cleveland Indians, one of the six original baseball teams with a story fast. Our great Indian people in massive numbers want this change to happen. Their heritage and prestige systematically being taken away from them. Times are different now. Yeah, I'm gonna say this about the. I'm working on it. Yeah. The American Indian culture. Fucking Daryl Hammond just threw up on the way home. He's like, I didn't even know why. All right, here. Can I say this? And listen. I have many, many indigenous friends. Many. So I say this from great love. Great love. Cause I know many. I know Squantone. I know Dancing Bear and a Mall Zorro. Zorro. The Gay Blade. So Chief Running Bear. I know. Well, I know a lot. I'm very friendly with that community. Here's the problem with the American Indian community. You ready? I'm ready. If all your stuff is like Jeep Cherokee, we name SUVs and mountain ranges and football teams and Florida State Seminoles. If we name shit after you and that shit goes away, the Cleveland Indians, all that stuff, and you didn't do anything else in this world, then you're gone. So, meaning you could go, well, you know what we're going to take? We're gonna take Tesla away from Elon Musk and remove his name from all the history books and go, all right, well, I still do SpaceX. I still go to outer space. And you go, oh, that's something. All they have is their SUVs and their team names. It's not like American Indians are making big contributions in today's world. American Indians. If the iroquois tribe invented SpaceX, then they'd go, all right, they're getting plenty of publicity, and it's good publicity. If you just went, get rid of Elon Musk and put indigenous Indian people in all his endeavors, the boring tunneling, Tesla, SpaceX, Neuralink or whatever like that. You go, all right, well then take the names away. They're onto the future. They're onto the next thing. They don't have a next thing. They have a past. This is their past. There is no American Indian any Unless I'm missing something. But it's not like, well, the guy who's a heavyweight champ in the UFC's American Indian guy, I'll tell you what tribe he's from. And then the guy who came up with bitcoin, that's a, that's another guy from another tribe. And then the other guy just set the record in the 440 freestyle, that guy. If we just went on. Well, America wiped him out, so. Yeah, I know, but there's nothing, there's no, there's no future. I see. I see the future's a reservation. Diabetes, alcoholism and abuse and, and it's horrible. So without that, there's that, all we do is have a rear view mirror. We just look at what, what that. Every single thing. It's like these were proud warriors, they fought the whatever. I believe there's still a proud culture. You know, I don't think that. Man, diabetes, you painted a bleak picture there. Look we them up. But my whole point is, is if they're on to a whole bunch of shit now. This isn't about pride. If you're on to a whole bunch of shit now and in the future, then we can get rid of all this stuff. We get rid of all this stuff and there's just nothing now. See what I'm saying? Yeah. You replace the names of all these tribes and all these teams and all these warriors and stuff, and now it's just, how often do we sit around and go, what are the American Indians up to? What's going on? When am I going to get. When are they going to get my new argument? Your argument is to not erase them from the culture. You know, you can be erased from the culture, from the past, if you're doing a bunch of shit in the present and the future. But if it's no present, no future, then that, Then you take the past and now. That's it. Yeah, but you know, I'm in the. So you're in the name back camp. I'm going to change the name back. Yeah. What about the Cleveland Commanders? I mean, Cleveland Indians. The Cleveland something. I don't. Well, guardians. You're. You're presuming that Indian is like a pejorative. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. The guys. I know, it's just Indian. You're an Indian. I, I don't know. If it was Irishman, it'd be Irish man. If it was Italians, it'd be Italians, but they added all the syllables. Native American, you know, and I know I Look, first things first, okay? You, let's say you have a kid and that kid's struggling, kid's got diabetes, kid has substance abuse issues, kid has poverty and education problems and real big time problems like American Indians, right? And then I go to my kid who's struggling with his weight, with his diabetes, with his self esteem, with substance abuse, with poverty, and I just go, hey, Mark. And he goes, yeah, dad. And I go, your name's now Fred. And he goes, okay. And I go, my work is done. And then I leave. Did I help him? Did I help that kid who's morbidly obese, has pre diabetic suffering and has a lot of substance abuse? Did I help him by changing his name? I don't think I've helped, no, I don't think, but I feel like I've done something and then I get to leave. If you want to do something for these fucking people, do something for these fucking people. Teach them all trades, get them all set up, shop class on the reservation or something. But you fucking arguing about their name doesn't do shit for them. It's a bunch of fucking white chicks who are too fucking lazy to go actually physically do anything. So they argue about this. It's Latinx, okay? You're not doing anything, bitch. The phone, the phone load. You used to have to buy a 2 cent stamp. @ least now you have to. You can just ding, ding, ding, ding. And then project your opinion out there. And then TikTok amplified that and the algorithm got us. The algorithm got us. I'm telling you, I come from a whole group of do nothing nudniks who just like, they can talk about everything. But no going down to the reservation using your own money and building a wood shop is expensive, but it would be something, but it would benefit them versus arguing over the name that they don't even care about. I think you just came across a name accidentally. I think we should change it to the Washington Nudnicks. But it is kind of expert level trolling where they go, I'm down with the watch, is the W. It is the W on the helmet like they said. And they capitalized it in that tweet. I imagine outside of the NFL when discussing NFL games, we're going to hear the Washington Whatevers all season. He coined it for. For real? Yeah. Again, just putting the first letter, the state or the city or the town starts in on the side of the helmet. Tennessee. Nebraska. Let's see Stanford as an ass. Sorry, I need a fucking logo. Yeah, yeah, I Need some fighting, something. Some badger. Yeah. How you feel about Wisconsin? Their helmets have the W, but yeah, they've got a good badger name, but they got the W. I, I you got to do. Now we have the W on Washington and Wisconsin. See what happens here. Boring. All right, Bill Gosby says that Malcolm Jamal Warner's death feels like his son's murder. Yeah. He's reacting to the sudden death of Cosby Show Malcolm Jamal Werner. Yeah. Taking it back to the time of his life when his son got shot. Yeah, man. During a botched robbery. I was right there when that, that went down. I know. I didn't even get his wallet. His son was.

[Andy Cowan]

Shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Cosby. Ennis. Ennis was his son's name. Now Ennis was just off the 405 up on Skirball Mulholland there and 12:30 night, this car broke down like, got a flat tire, got out of the car. Some dude just 12:30 at night on a Tuesday just rolled up on him, just shot him. Apparently it was a robbery going wrong. So I guess he's like, I don't know, didn't give up. Yeah, but here's the whole thing about the whole robbery. It was a target of opportunity. The guy just was driving down Mohole and saw a guy broke now and was like, oh, okay, well, I'll take this guy's wallet. And he just shot him. And the guy ended up being like a Russian gangbanger and he was like 19 or something. It was the most senseless thing. First of all, Bill Cosby's got all the money in the world back then. Son was like a schoolteacher or something. It wasn't in show business or anything. Is that a Russian? A Russian got him. A gangster just popped him. I have a theory. Okay, so we sit around and you go, jesus Christ. Here's how little regard you have for life. This guy gets a flat tire at 12:20 at night, gets out of his car and you just drive by and go, oh, I'm just going to execute him and I'll get 40 bucks out of it. 18 year old Mikhail Markusev, I think in their. I think the Russians are fucking racist. Oh yeah. I don't think they look at a black guy as a human being. I don't think if he was blue eyed and blonde, he would have just executed him like a fucking animal on the side of the freeway. Also, probably a lot of propaganda about these guys are all gang bangers or something like that. The black guys, you know, criminals. Well, the guy's 18. I could see this guy turning on him, Ennis, like going, hey, no, no. And resisting. And this guy have no choice but to cap him, you know? Well, I feel there's always a choice, right? I mean, there's a choice, but this big guy, this guy will snatch my gun from me. 18 year old Russian kid. You know what I'm saying? It could be. I don't know if he ever. Or just nervous. I don't think he wrestled with him or anything. I just think he just shot him. I don't. They call it botched robbery, but I don't, I don't think it was a botched robbery. I think he just said like, give me your wallet. And Ennis said no, and he just shot him. There you go. I mean, he's in prison. Been in prison since then. I caught him immediately. He worked at a pottery store down the street from my house in North Hollywood. A pottery gangster. There's a place called Mainly Seconds and it was a weird place that sold like everything and pottery and stuff. And everyone ended up working there for like six months because. Oh, because you have the answer to this. Anyway, it is weird when Malcolm Jamal Warner, when the. When the kids in a sitcom because they become like siblings, because you feel like you grow up with them. Yeah, yeah. And then he died of accidental drowning in Costa Rica on Sunday. Yeah. What happened? Dawson, do you have that patient with his daughter? Oh, yeah. Super heavy. Enes Cosby, the only son of comedian Bill Cosby. Murdered January 16, 1997 near Interstate 405 in Los Angeles. Shot in the head by 18 year old Mikhail Markishev in a failed robbery attempt. They're saying Cosby's death resulted in media coverage. Subsequently, Marcusev was tried and convicted on first degree murder and attempted robbery. Sentenced to life in prison the following month. Yeah, by the way, it's been coming up on 30 years. We just have to pay for this guy to be incarcerated, to grow up in prison. Yeah, essentially what it is. All right, Andy Cohen is out there. He's a writer, podcaster. Did the famous Seinfeld episode, the opposite, where they told Costanza Seinfeld told him to just start doing the opposite of everything he did in his life. Started working out. All right, so we'll talk to Andy right after this. Breeze. All right, let's talk about drinking without the next day regret. You want to buzz, but you don't want a hangover. Meet Breeze. Spelled B R E Z. Pronounced Breeze. This isn't your average seltzer. We're talking about hemp derived THC, CBD, functional mushrooms, nootropics, adaptogens, all in one can. You'll feel it. About 10 minutes. Lasts an hour, hour and a half, I'd say. Like a cocktail, but you can keep your dignity. I like these things. They smooth out any of the sharp edges in life. Sparkling, lightly sweetened with agave. All organic, vegan, non gmo. No weird stuff, no hangovers, no regrets. Just brighter colors, louder laughs and tastier snacks. Try it out. It's a breeze, right, Dawson? Ready to experience the future of drinking? Head to try.drinkbreeze.com Corolla and use code Corolla for a $5 credit and free shipping on your first order. Breeze Drinking has evolved. Consult with a physician before you use. If you're a pregnant nursing or have any known or suspected allergies or medical conditions or are taking any medication. FDA has not evaluated these products for safety or efficacy. Products are intended for 21 and older. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV stream now. Pay never. Here's a beat from Beat it out with Jay Moore and Adam Carolla.

[Daryl Hammond]

You know you're fucked when you check.

[Adam Carolla]

Into a hotel and it's like, where am I staying? Like you ask Mike August or I'll ask my guy and they go, it's a boutique. It's called Greg, right? It's called Greg. You're staying at Greg, right? And it's really cool because they have turntables in every room. I'm not DJ Jazzy Jeff. I'm not spinning anything. Beat it out with Adam Carolla and Jay Moore. Subscribe to the show at Adam Corolla. Let's get back to the Adam Carolla show. You just want square footage. That's all you want. You want a big bathroom and a big bedroom. All the cool amenity stuff. Always a shit show at a hotel. Andy Cowan is back in studio. Now I remember when you were here last because I think you brought some notes.

[Andy Cowan]

Did I then too?

[Adam Carolla]

I think so.

[Andy Cowan]

I overly prepare for life.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. That's good. And the podcast, by the way, the neurotic vaccine. And this is with you and Dr. Scott Copian.

[Andy Cowan]

Except for Kapoyan, but he has become. He has now become AI Dr. K. This won a best comedy Podcast Quill Podcast award I'm very proud of.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the quill.

[Andy Cowan]

Yes, and the real coveted quill. The coveted. Yes. And the real Dr. K left me. Talk about needing therapy. My actual therapist left. Therapist host moved on and he allowed me to clone his voice, so I now get to write his copy.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Andy Cowan]

Along with all these artificial players. This show is so densely creative. There are only five that drop per year. They're like comedy albums. That's why people need to check them out. They're so unique. I'm very proud of it. But now I get an AI therapist.

[Adam Carolla]

When did you start with Seinfeld? What year?

[Andy Cowan]

That was 94, 95 and.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay, so. And how you were there for two years.

[Andy Cowan]

No, I say 9495 to make it sound like I was there for two years. I was a freelancer and pitched Larry David a bunch of ideas that he went for. One he liked, which he didn't wind up using, he almost used, was the lost bra. George discovers a lost big bra in the dryer and wants to find. You know, it's like the glass slipper, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's funny. In the apartment buildings. Washer, dryer.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. But it led to. He said, you got anything else? And as a last ditch thing, I said the opposite because it came from my life. I used to think I should do the complete opposite of whatever I've done up till now. And he took a liking to it right away, and I wound up turning that into a freelance submission, which is kind of rare back then. And it wound up becoming the finale.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Andy Cowan]

And it enabled me to get on staff late in the season next year, which was a disadvantage for me. It was tough getting stuff on by then.

[Adam Carolla]

By then? Yeah. Why by then?

[Andy Cowan]

Well, I was with Diane English's show, then I had to break the contract with her when Larry finally gave me the green light. And then they were pretty well developed with future stories.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see, I see. Yeah, it was late, but he even.

[Andy Cowan]

Said to me at one time, I talk about this in my book, banging my head against the Comedy Writer's Guide to Seeing Stars. He said, you probably think the stuff that gets on is just as good as yours. I said, yeah. And then one time, speaking of the opposite, he said, stop working so hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I. You know, the opposite does work. I do it. My family, it's been quoted to this day, I always did it with my family. Like, I had a house and I was moving out, and I said to my mom years ago, I go, I'm thinking about renting it out, but I could also sell it. And she goes, oh, rent it. What if marauding bikers take over and you never get paid and they trash a joint? I'm like, so you wouldn't rent it? And she's like, no, I wouldn't rent it. I go, okay, thank you. And then I rented the place out. Well. Cause look at her. You know what I mean? I was like, obviously there's more to glean. There's more to learn from the failures than there is. Oh, yeah, you can go, well, look how successful Jimmy Kimmel is. Just go do that. But you can't just go do that. But you can do the opposite of Chris Corolla. That's easy. And so there's a lot of that. They made a whole series called Scared straight in the 70s where they just brought kids to prisons. And I guess you missed that. I've been scaring kids straight all the time. Yelled at a bunch of kids and they never wanted to come back.

[Andy Cowan]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the opposite. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andy Cowan]

And there was an op ed in the New York Times recently about economics. The George Principle. The George Costanza principle. It's incredible. 20 years later, or more than 20 years, they're still voting.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you know Marjorie Grossman?

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah, Marjorie Gross. She was a woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I said. I wonder. I said to. I said, gross. And then I went, is it Grossman or Grossman?

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah, Gross.

[Andy Cowan]

She was on staff when I was there, and we were also on a very early show, I think. Yeah. It was George Siegel's first sitcom. We were on.

[Adam Carolla]

George Siegel, the famous comedy actor.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Would end up in all those. God, Norman Lear things. Or not Norman Lear, just shoot me.

[Andy Cowan]

Wasn't that him?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that was him. But I feel like he'd do those. Oh, God, who wrote the Odd Couple? And all those kind of.

[Andy Cowan]

I don't think he was on Garry Marshall shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Neil Simon.

[Andy Cowan]

Oh, Neil Simon.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's Odd Couple.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah. But Garry Marshall did the tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I meant, who wrote it? I said, who wrote it? Because I figured the original movie or whatever, I felt like he would pop up in those Neil Simon movies.

[Andy Cowan]

He was a great 70s movie actor.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Andy Cowan]

He played with terrific actresses whose names escape me, but yeah, he was iconic.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you and Marjorie did his sitcom.

[Andy Cowan]

In the 80s, which. It was called take five, and CBS took two. But then all those years later. Yeah. She was on the Seinfeld staff when I was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I always tell People. I knew her when I was a carpenter and I was working on her house.

[Andy Cowan]

I think I remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't remember?

[Andy Cowan]

No, I remember that story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, the definite true story. And she died like two years later or something, which was super, super sad. So the opposite. Good. I don't know. I talked to somebody about Larry David becoming a kind of caricature of Larry David and Seinfeld, kind of being a caricature of Seinfeld as well, which they agreed with. And that they kind of know they're doing themselves when they're interacting with you. And they can kind of get away with stuff because they're doing their character. Almost.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah. That's interesting. It's almost when a very well known comic will come on the stage and get a laugh that isn't 100% earned because the audience is already buying into their preconceived notion of how they come off. But, you know, speaking of what you're speaking of, you know, Seinfeld had different incarnations. It became a little more cartoonish as I went along, especially when Jerry took over. It became a little more outlandish. It was just as funny, but it was a different feel than those. Especially. The early shows were almost Woody Allen esque. And of course, Jason even said he was aping Woody in the early episodes until he got the voice down.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to think who I was talking to. But anyway, off of that, I brought.

[Andy Cowan]

A trip down memory lane I thought you in particular would appreciate. I don't know if we have time for it because you've brought up Merv Griffin, my first showbiz job, the last two times I was on.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, did I?

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah, yeah. And I brought a clip. 42 years old. That is pretty cool clip. If you have time to run any of it, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

You brought a clip of you on Merv Griffin.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you doing stand up? You're doing a sketch?

[Andy Cowan]

I'm doing what if? So what if Frank Sinatra were starting today, what songs would he sing? It's one of the gutsiest things I ever did on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

And your staff on Merv. Yeah. And so staff writers come up and do stuff?

[Andy Cowan]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, you don't have to. But if somebody's funny, if somebody's got a bit or does a thing.

[Andy Cowan]

What was nice about Merv, he was very supportive about that. And, you know, I was a nervous kid when I started, you know, and then a year later, I'm on the show, I'm on the show five times. And. And he would introduce me in this introduction. He said, my next guest is odd. Bizarre. He would label me bizarre. He had a good eye for, you know. All right, what's this kid's hook?

[Adam Carolla]

Murph Griffin had Merv Griffin Productions and was a big, big deal. Oh, yeah, he was kind of Dick Clarky.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And speaking of Dick, there was always the rumor he was gay. And I do believe we must have talked about this before, but there was a lawsuit about him. And, like, Danny Terrio or Dance Fever or something. There's, like, something looking. You know, the human mind is an interesting place, you know, and none of.

[Andy Cowan]

That would have mattered now.

[Adam Carolla]

None of it would have mattered now. All right, so is this Merv gonna bring you up. How old are you here?

[Andy Cowan]

Gee, I'm not gonna be able to lie on my dating web pages anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't worry about it.

[Andy Cowan]

But my rationalization is, as I say on the Neurotic Vaccine comedy therapy podcast, Bullies called me a baby when I was 11.

[Daryl Hammond]

Right.

[Andy Cowan]

So if I was a baby at 11, I should be able to shave 11 years off my age.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So you're young. All right, let's play, let's play. But if you listen, he is right on target. Now. He's going to musically answer. All right, sorry. Play the beginning part.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the top, because that's what. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I want. I want to introduce a young man who works on my show. He is one of our interviewers, and he is a bizarre young man. No, that's not fair to say. He is very funny. He came on the show before and did andy Rooney from 60 Minutes and was a big hit. And today he's going to do for us Frank Sinatra. Now, what's interesting about him is he doesn't look like. He looks so far from anybody that he impersonates. Pause it here for a second. People should know Merv was a huge show. Oh, yeah, well, you know.

[Andy Cowan]

Oh, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm echoing. I'm echoing.

[Daryl Hammond]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't really understand. The. Less than 40% of the people listening to me right now have performed on the Merv Griffin Show. So I'm speaking to that group. Okay. Significantly less than 40. Could be down in the high 20s. The point is, is Merv was big. Big in the 70s, big in the 80s. I don't. It was. You know, I don't know how he did with Carson or if he was on an earlier time slot or what it was.

[Andy Cowan]

Well, he was the same day he premiered on an afternoon show, as Johnny did that night, October. And he also substituted for the Tonight show while we were waiting for Johnny to appear. And then he went up against him on CBS versus Johnny versus Dick Cavan, also versus Joey Bishop. Both of those were on abc.

[Adam Carolla]

Were those daytime or nighttime? Night. Nighttime. All right, so he was a legendary guy with a huge show.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now we'll play far from anybody that he impersonates that it's just amazing to watch him. But if you listen, he is right on target. Now he's going to musically answer the burning question. What if Frank Sinatra were starting out today? What songs would he sing? Here's from my staff, Andy Cowan. Andy, now, what year is this? 82.

[Daryl Hammond]

October.

[Adam Carolla]

82. 82.

[Daryl Hammond]

Mort Lindsay's orchestra, Jack Sheldon.

[Andy Cowan]

I got Pac man fever it's driving me crazy I've got Pac man fever it's driving me insane I'd better whip.

[Adam Carolla]

It whipping touche it's not too late.

[Andy Cowan]

And let's get physical.

[Adam Carolla]

I said let.

[Andy Cowan]

Me hear that body talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Doc Sheldon, Doc Sheldon and Doc Severance if you think I'm sexy Rod Stewart and you.

[Andy Cowan]

Want my body.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on you crazy broad and let me know.

[Andy Cowan]

Macho, macho.

[Adam Carolla]

Man I got that macho man.

[Andy Cowan]

How should I have?

[Adam Carolla]

And Jesse's curls I wish that I.

[Andy Cowan]

Had Jesse's team.

[Daryl Hammond]

That'S cause the lady.

[Adam Carolla]

That is cause the lady that cause the lady Guess what Try get it.

[Andy Cowan]

Jesse's girl oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That'S funny.

[Andy Cowan]

Then I did this ballad. I got clearance from the writer of Nancy with a laughing face. Cause 82 Nancy Reagan was first lady she was Merv's good buddy they shared the same birthday she was Merv's good buddy yeah, they shared the same birthday and I had scathing lyrics for Nancy with a laughing Face. So the writer gave me permission. But I had to make them a little gentler, which I wound up doing. And Merv let me sing it on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, as I think about it, I shared the same birthday with my sister for many years, but our birthdays were months apart. We just had super cheap ass parents. So I know what it's like to share a birthday with someone.

[Andy Cowan]

I'm a twin. I have a twin sister, so I do too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah. Does she do Nancy Sinatra? This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger, and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free. From all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream now pay. Never.

[Andy Cowan]

The only time I've lived with somebody in the womb with her. This is why I'm still single to this day. It's like I pushed out five months early. I couldn't even stand that kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you do other singing? I mean, first off, you have a great voice. It was legit.

[Andy Cowan]

I've been singing in clubs and venues and hotels for many years. I sang in the Motion Picture Fund a month or two ago. With it, I want to plug my great pianist Nina Beck on piano, and I play the Cajon. But you know what? I stopped listening to Sinatra years ago because I became so slavish to him that I couldn't find my own voice. So now I avoid Sinatra and I'm a little jazzier. But he still creeps in. He still creeps in.

[Adam Carolla]

You sing in your own voice. Do you do Tony Bennett? Do you do impersonations? Or it just turned out you could do Sinatra.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah, I started out doing the Sinatra in the standup, and then I did it then. And then I took a few lessons. And then I thought, I want this as a musical release in venues. So it's fun doing that. But I still. I do Sinatra parody still. Like, oh, you know what I found out. Speaking of, you're asking my age. The horror of real life, you know, Very good year. When I was 35. And now the days grow short. The days grow short after 35.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. That's it.

[Andy Cowan]

I realized I am old enough to sing the stanzas twice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Andy Cowan]

So I do that in my act.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's weird listening to old lyrics. Like, I was listening to Paul Abdul, one of the greats, one of the giants, and a great lyricist as well. And she was doing, like, opposites of track. And it's the stupidest song ever. You forget how stupid is. And she's like, you like TV and I want to go to the movies. You know, it's like, it's okay.

[Andy Cowan]

Very on the nose.

[Adam Carolla]

If you don't like cigarettes. And I like to smoke. Say like, she goes, I don't like. I don't like cigarettes. And he goes, and I like to smoke. And it's like, I. They would never write that down and yell I like to smoke into a microphone. Right, right, right. Yeah, so. And also, they do a lot. Yes. When you listen to songs, the women were like, you know, she was 15 and old enough to know, you know, so she got in my van, I took her to the lake, you know, and it's like 15, you know what I mean? So they went down and then they went for the guys. They'd be like, I was 37 and, you know, I was working on my fifth marriage. And, you know, when you've loved and lost and buried your family, you know, it's like you're in your 30s. I was. I was young, like your kid. Yeah, yeah. So, Merv. What was the scandal with Merv? You know, the Merv scandal.

[Andy Cowan]

I mean, you know, I mean, there was talk, but I can't vouch to this day for you know, what his personal life.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he die with billions of dollars? I mean, he was a massive.

[Andy Cowan]

Oh, yeah. I mean, remember he. He battled Donald Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he bought a casino and he won.

[Andy Cowan]

I think he bought. He beat Donald Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He bought a casino and borderline Atlantic City. He bought an Atlantic City. I guess the lawsuit was he bought this casino thinking it was this, and it turned out to be that. And he sued him because he felt like, you know, you said, here's how much this casino earns a year. And then you do the math and then you buy the casino and it earns half that a year, or whatever that tells.

[Andy Cowan]

Ring a bell?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He basically said his lawsuit with Trump was just like, you sold me a lemon, basically. I thought I was buying a first class joint.

[Andy Cowan]

Oh, gee, gee, that sounds so unlike Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

But he has enough money. Murph Griffin had enough money to just buy a casino.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, he was a shrewd businessman. No doubt about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Didn't lose it all in the divorce. There was no divorce because there was no wife.

[Andy Cowan]

No, no, he was married.

[Adam Carolla]

He was married. Yeah.

[Andy Cowan]

Early on. That's how the mother of Tony Griffin.

[Adam Carolla]

Tony Griffin, Yeah. I don't know.

[Andy Cowan]

Tony Griffin is his son.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, I know, but he said it like he would own the Dodgers.

[Andy Cowan]

Oh, no, no, no, no. But I mean. Yeah, no, yeah. He was married in the 60s.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you just go, he has a son. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when you say Tony Griffin, then I go the famous.

[Andy Cowan]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Daryl Hammond]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't realize people. There's a thing that people do with names that drives me nuts, but kids do it. But now adults do it where they tell you names that you think that you must know that name, and then you don't know what the name is. But nine year olds do it. But everyone should stop on their 10th birthday. Right. But they just roll right into. It's an impulse. It's a weird impulse. Right. Tony Griffin.

[Andy Cowan]

The other thing I hate. I get from younger people, they say, I'm old enough to remember Bill Clinton.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you? I'm old enough to remember.

[Andy Cowan]

I'm old enough to remember jfk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what? I'll tell you. There's a thing. Everything drives me nuts. And I get it. I got it just last weekend. The slow repeat of what you're saying, that gives you anxiety up until you get to the end. So you go, so in my world, you say to somebody, so you're gonna be able to drive me to the airport in the morning. And they go, okay, I'm gonna have to drive you to the airport tomorrow. And you go, okay, if you just said yes, then I wouldn't have the anxiety of yourself. You're wondering, why are you rephrasing this and coming back to me with, just go. Yes. I've said it a million years. We need what the Japanese have. Height. Hey, just how? Because what everyone does is they repeat it. So Andy Cowan. What I get from everyone is I'll go. It's pronounced Cowan, right? And they'll go, it's Cowan. I go, right? That's what I said. But now it makes me feel like I did something. Just say yes, say hi. And then when I go, you're gonna be able to pick me up from the airport tomorrow after the show, right? Hi. Not a slow redescription of what I just said. That makes Toscanides, makes me think I'm wrong now.

[Andy Cowan]

You reminded me of something you just used. Right. In a proper way. But what drives me nuts. And you notice these things, so I wonder if you notice it. The language virus over the last couple of years. The rhetorical question, Right, right, right, right. If you took a drink every time. And I love Stephanie Ruhl. I love the 11th hour, but every time she says it, right, right, right. Your liver would be suffering by the end of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

But that is different. That's not the human language. That's progressive. Women. When AOC goes, these internment camps are really just death camps, right? And then these guys come in and they're unmarked vans, and they're just throwing people in Third World dungeons, right? They're just saying because the answer is wrong. Like, it's like, no.

[Andy Cowan]

Other guys do it too. The guys do it too.

[Adam Carolla]

Women do it more. Women do it much more than men. And they do it when they're trying to tell a story that really doesn't have good legs. It's not really factually based. So they say, right, right. And they do it with each other a Lot. You know Kim's a bitch, right? Yeah. She came in here like. She comes in here like they're stuck. Shit doesn't stink. Right. And she thinks she owns the place. Right. And she thinks just because she buys me a mimosa that she can preach to me about civics. Right, Right. They do a lot of it because they don't have actual data and stuff to go off of.

[Andy Cowan]

But you know another thing, when they do it, they know they're preaching to the choir that agrees with them. They're not gonna say wrong. So it's a rhetorical Right. That they know is not gonna be answered.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Cowan]

But I still say equal.

[Daryl Hammond]

Equal.

[Andy Cowan]

Sexes offend.

[Adam Carolla]

You brought up Stephanie Rule. I love her. It leans more toward the feminine side, right?

[Andy Cowan]

Watch the show. Watch the show. You see those male guests? There's one guy on the show who does it more than Stephanie.

[Adam Carolla]

What guy?

[Andy Cowan]

I can't place him, but he's reliably. He's an economics expert. He's always on talking about the money, and it's right, right, right, right, right. And I feel like I'm the only one who notices this, and I'm going crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, to me, it sort of means it's usually the person's point. Isn't that good? And so they're looking for some sort of reinforcement, Affirmation and reinforcement in real time because their point's like, a little wobbly, and that's how I take it. But it's sort of the black athlete going, you know what I mean? After every sentence. That's. A guy doesn't have a full thesaurus at his fingertips, you know what I mean? Because, guys, Dennis Miller doesn't do that. He just fucking powers through dialogue. Right, Right.

[Andy Cowan]

If I may bring Trump up again, he should consult a thesaurus, because if he keeps using it's a hoax, it's a hoax, it's a hoax. It seems to use an adjective that he hates. Fake. But if he consults the thesaurus, it's an inaccuracy. And then you're going to think, oh, maybe it is an inaccuracy. You're not going to think, oh, it's the old hoax argument again. Why can't he have his little staff get together and say, sir, sir, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Use Fable.

[Andy Cowan]

Yeah, yeah. You've used hoax a million times. Try another accuracy.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he does. Oh, oh, oh, shit.

[Andy Cowan]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. That's so funny. I've been watching you elbow hit your mug for 20 minutes now. See what you did? The fucking Trump. God Gotcha. Talking shit about Trump. And he came down from the heavens and he cursed you. That's all right. It's a fitting end to our coaster dilemma because.

[Andy Cowan]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. It's a funny. It's a funny, but it's interesting. It's insightful. I think it's. Here's some. I'm interested in this, Andy, but most people suffer from this, but I don't. But I'm still interested in this. So there's a thing here where this table was meticulously made by a man who then committed suicide afterward. Yes.

[Andy Cowan]

Oh, my God. I feel even worse now.

[Adam Carolla]

And it stains quite easily with the mug and the cold water. No, no, this isn't gonna do it. It's the ring with the cold water. You just spilled cold water. Right. So then what I do is I go look to my staff. When people come in, we gotta give them a coaster, because they come in with an ice water and they just set it down every single time. And even if the coaster is sitting next to them, they will choose to sit it next to. To the unprotected table and not on top of the coaster. So then my staff frequently. Sometimes they give them coasters, oftentimes they don't, but they just watch them put the two glasses down on the table. And then I have a discussion with my staff where I go offer up the coaster. And they go, oh, okay, except we've talked about 35 times. But they won't do it. But they'll do it sometimes. So then Darrell Hammond comes in here, and he takes a glass of iced Diet Coke and a glass of ice water, and he just puts it down right next to each other. So I then look at my staff, saying nothing, and they're prepared to leave. And then I go to them, you should tell them, by the way, we should stop having the same fucking conversation endlessly. But okay, the new world order sets the new world order. You just talk about same things over and over again. So then I go tell him, when the guest comes in, put the coaster. And then I give Darryl Hammond the coaster. And then Darrell Hammond takes the two glasses and puts it on the two coasters. And then we talk. And then at some point, he'll do what a lot of people do. They pick the glass up, set it next to the coaster. There's a part of me that's jealous. There's a part of me that's jealous. I really am. And then as he's talking with his hand next to the glass, that's on the table, and he's in the middle of a story. There's Another thing that Dr. Drew suffers from, which is there's a lot of people who. If somebody walks into the next room in the middle of the store, they'll be going. They'll go. So there we are in Jamaica. Oh, who's that? And I just don't. You don't have to respond to everything. It's audible, Right? Right, right. So Darrell's telling the story, and he's looking at me, and hand is by his mug, but the mug, sorry, the glass is on the bare wood. And I take a coaster and I flip it over to him and it hits his hand and he doesn't react, and he keeps talking.

[Andy Cowan]

Doesn't get the.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't get it. And then. And now I'm just watching the glass sweat out on the table. He's telling the story even though I just. I threw him a thing. And then at some point, I go, okay, how do we do this? I got a second one. I toss it over to him and he goes. Stops. The story goes, oh, the coaster. We gotta do the cut. I'm like, we didn't have to do it. We didn't have to talk about it. We didn't have to talk about it, but we have to talk about it. Why do we have to talk about it? And then what is the. I'm just gonna verbalize everything that that comes before me and everything I trying to do in a way where I'm, like, nudging somebody on the elbow and going, just lift your elbow up. And then they go, oh, you want me to talk into the mic louder? It's like, I was trying to do this without that, but now, yes, now.

[Andy Cowan]

It'S a whole closed caption thing.

[Adam Carolla]

So then I watch your elbow dancing around your mug this entire time, and I'm like, I think. I think this is. This is. I can't defeat this. It is written. There's the coaster gods. They will be defeated. I cannot defeat, and I know that elbow. So when you knocked the mug over and put water all over the table, right where Daryl Hammond's hand was with the mug and the coaster, I was like, mission coaster apocalypse. We finish. It's hakuna matata. Full circle. We finished this. But this had to be.

[Andy Cowan]

I performed a service then.

[Adam Carolla]

A cosmic service.

[Andy Cowan]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe in the great magnet. And I spent 300 calories thinking about that coaster. All the guys in the other booth were laughing because I threw the coaster and it hit Hammond in the hand and he kept going and he still had it next to him. And that's when I knew we're not out of this.

[Andy Cowan]

God. Well, it's more powerful than me.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's a fade up coaster complete. Yes. Yeah. Is what it is. So I don't blame you.

[Andy Cowan]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Because that was a great magnet.

[Andy Cowan]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Pulling it out of the sky.

[Andy Cowan]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So Murph, Griffin, he had a logo. Yeah, yeah, he had a griffin. Yeah, yeah. A mystic, mythical dragon.

[Andy Cowan]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a guy. He didn't put a big G. Is his fucking logo right? Yeah. Eagle, lion. Yeah. Like, come on now. That should be on the side of the commander's helmet.

[Andy Cowan]

I was.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Andy Cowan]

I was there. Can I do one more Trump joke?

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Andy Cowan]

I'm surprised Trump doesn't want to change the Dodgers. He was a draft dodger. Call him the bone spurs.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. Oh, that's good. All right, Andy, let me give you a plug. Since spent too much time talking about Hammond the neurotic vaccine scene with Andy Cowan and AI AI. Yes, doctor. Wherever you find finer podcasts, I'm gonna be in Portland doing a show at the Aladdin theater. That'll be August 7th. So you can come out and say hi that you gotta have crawla for all the live shows. Mayhem. Where are we going with you? Yeah. I got story wars. An August 4th comedy store. Yeah. All right. Good on you. So till next time, Adam, for Andy and Daryl and Mayhem saying mahalo. Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail message. We'd love to hear from you. 888-634-1744 and be sure and get tickets to see adam [e-mail] this summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon Bring the action with you and stream for free for from all your favorite devices Pluto tv. Stream now, pay never. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cough, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices Pluto tv. Stream now, pay never.