Adam Carolla (2:31)

Thank you. I want to complain about a few things. I know you have things to complain about as well.

Dave Damaschek (2:36)

I do, yes. As always. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (2:39)

Had it happened this morning, people showing up early?

Dave Damaschek (2:43)

Oh, yeah. That's what, you know that it's funny you say that because I think my earliest memory of Adam Carolla is, is you complaining about the garbage truck showing up at an ungodly hour.

Adam Carolla (2:54)

Well, people think that it's a great form to show up early. They think they're actually more evolved when it's really not the case at all. Especially for morning things. There were a bunch of people that were supposed to show up at my house at 9:30 this morning and the buzzer started ringing at 9:10. And when you tell people to show up at 9:30 in the morning and they show up at 9:10, you're rarely ever sitting there with your nose pressed against the glass, petting a Persian cat, thinking, when will my guests arrive? You're either in the shower or you're like cooking breakfast for your kids. Wherever you are, you're caught off guard because you had an agreement with this person. They would show up at 9:30. And I know people go, stop being a dick. So the person's prompt, they're not prompt. Much better for you that they show up at 9:40. Yes. Than at 9:15.

Dave Damaschek (3:54)

Yeah. Most people suffer from the other side of that, which is that they can't. You know, if you say 9:30, it's. It's more like quarter after 10. That's one issue. But yeah, that is an annoyance. Especially in the early part of the day. Right.

Adam Carolla (4:06)

First part of the day. And as a matter of fact, people do the. Well, there was no traffic. Well, my feeling is go get a cup of coffee and come back.

Dave Damaschek (4:14)

Yeah. I don't need you to see me in my unmentionables.

Adam Carolla (4:17)

Right. I still have the wood that I was sporting from the previous evening. But seriously, like where this is. My dad would do this. He'd go, let's go to breakfast. 7am because he's an old man. And he'd go to bed, soon as the streetlights came on, he would pass out. Wherever he was, he'd fall over and just start. Z's would come out of his mouth and even if he was driving, street lights come on, boom, he'd be out. So he'd say, let's do breakfast at 7am and then I'd say, no, not at 7am I'm doing Loveline. I go to bed at 2amSo how about we do it at 9? And then he'd say, how about we do it at eight? And I'd say, no, no, nine o' clock, breakfast. Come to my house at nine o', clock, I'll take you out to breakfast. And sure enough, at 8:41 the thing would ring. And by the way, this is one other thing I hate about human beings. If you say to somebody, let's do it at noon. And they go, let's do it at 11. And you go, no, noon. And they go, fine, noon it shall be, believe me. About 11:40. About 11:40. They're not going to give you noon. They'll never give you noon. Somewhere around 11:40 they're coming over.

Dave Damaschek (5:26)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, they'll stick it to you in the end. Yeah, I, listen, I've been, I've been going through some crazy stuff, you know, because we now we have the two, the two little ones at the house. Jean Claude Van Damask has now joined the fold along with older sister. And so we've been getting a lot of in laws rolling through the house and I, you know, I feel like, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable, but in the same weekend we had, you know, my wife's stepmother came over and I have, you know, I realize that I'm an adolescent, you know, I'm a nerd kind of a guy and I have collectible glasses. You know, I'm from Pittsburgh and I like the Steelers. Right, I've, we've talked about that.

Adam Carolla (6:09)

I'm a Giants fan.

Dave Damaschek (6:10)

No, no, no, Pittsburgh Steelers. Yeah, no, I like the Steelers.

Adam Carolla (6:13)

I think we've, we've talked about that. I, I got to check the IMDb. I'm pretty, almost sure it's a Giants.

Dave Damaschek (6:18)

But I'm pretty sure. Oh well, yeah, IMDb Pretty keeps pretty close tabs on what Damoshek's up to and, but the stepmother came over and so one of my glasses, a Jack Lambert glass, a collectible thing. There's a local restaurant chain Called Eaton park in Pittsburgh. And I got all the glasses, the super bowl champion, so on and so forth.

Adam Carolla (6:40)

And you got Jack Splat's glass.

Dave Damaschek (6:43)

She walks into the room, she walks into the room and she says, hey, this glass broke. Where do you like to throw your broken glasses? And I gasped, you know, I said, oh, my God, how'd that glass break? And my wife came down on me like, relax, relax. Don't react like that. It's a broken glass. It was an accident. And, and the stepmother said, if you didn't want it to break, you shouldn't have had it. That where I could use it. You should remove them. Yeah, that's fine. Large logic. Except for in the prior decade, no. Everyone seemed to be able to negotiate getting ice and beverage into the glass without breaking it. Somehow it was my fault. And on the same day, my old man, by the way, it was our daughter's birthday, so that's why all the in laws were in town. All three things happened on the same day. One, the broken glass. Two, my old man said, I'm hungry, I've got to get something on my stomach for lunch. And we were at the zoo and he wanted to eat some food, but we're leaving the park. And my mother said, no, listen, we have cold cuts back at Dave's house, we'll just eat those. And, and he said, well, but I wanted to eat, I wanted to eat cold cuts for dinner.

Adam Carolla (7:52)

Cold cuts for dinner.

Dave Damaschek (7:53)

But the point is, I said, well, so what? You can't eat the cold cuts for lunch and for dinner. It's not only ham, there's turkey, you know, there's pastrami. No, I can't eat those. I got to get something here that isn't cold cuts related. I can't do that. I said, are you five years of age? When did the rule become that you can't eat two kinds of meat on the same day?

Adam Carolla (8:17)

It's called cold cuts, old man, not cold cut.

Dave Damaschek (8:20)

That made. And then her father, then my wife's father. This is part number three. He walks into my house and we've been walking around the zoo all afternoon. It's hot outside here in la. He takes off his shoes and socks and starts putting his stinking feet up on our stuff, the couch, the table. So my question to you, Ace, is, which is the most offensive of those three deeds? Because I was outraged by all three. The old man who has this thing in his head because he's a child about, I can't, I, I can't eat cold cuts. For lunch if I'm going to eat them for dinner. The broken glass thing and that it's my fault that I made the glass accessible. Hey, you have to expect roughly about half the glasses you put out are going to wind up broke in a short amount of or the stinking feet of an old man being put on our possessions.

Adam Carolla (9:10)

Well, first off, I have to ask some questions. You had a variety of meats, you had ham.

Dave Damaschek (9:16)

That's right. Yes.

Adam Carolla (9:17)

And I love the name of this one. The Black Forest Ham. I'm sure it's just with the different kinds of hams I'd love to see. By the way, the Black Forest ham I'm sure comes from Iowa and some guy with a GED just put a slug in its head the same way as all the rest of the stuff that turned into bacon. But I'm picturing a guy dressed with like umlauts over his name, dressed in lederhosen, going to the black forest of Bavaria to bring back my hand. It sounds awesome. But anyway, so if you had a number of cuts, your old man should be out of business. Number one. Number two, did your mother in law have superhuman strength? Because I watched a lot of shows like, like watching James Bond when Odd Job, the Asian fella crushed the golf balls and stuff. It used to be, by the way, when people were really strong, they didn't have control over their hands. So when they would shake your hand, they would crush your hand. Or when Jaime the robot from Get Smart would hold up a tumbler, he would crush it in his hand. Like there's a lot of showing how strong people were by crushing things. And for some reason, even though it was a guy who was strong, no matter how strong he was, he would still have no control over his own grip and he would crush every hand. So if she, if she was a powerful woman, I might give her a pass.

Dave Damaschek (10:36)

I'm going to give her. I'm going to say she has the strength, the median strength of most 60 year old women. So no. The answer is no. I don't, I don't think. Because listen, is the incredible.

Adam Carolla (10:46)

You crushing a Roy Jrella glass I can understand, but Jack Splatt, what am.

Dave Damaschek (10:51)

I going to do? How am I to replace this? It's.

Adam Carolla (10:53)

How much extra strength does it take to see. Yeah, yeah. I'm picking a ironic.

Dave Damaschek (10:57)

That would be Jack Split flat. Only mean Joe Green would be.

Adam Carolla (11:01)

Would be a sturdier tumbler than Jack's flat. How much of love for the Roy Jarella.

Dave Damaschek (11:07)

Yeah, very nice. Very good. For you. Yeah, really impressive stuff. I want to talk about sports if we have a chance to.

Adam Carolla (11:14)

I'm doing the Bear. The bare feet. The bare feet after it came out of the sock, walking around and hot.

Dave Damaschek (11:21)

On a hot day, a sweaty day.

Adam Carolla (11:22)

Can I say this in general? Where have we gone with the flip flops worn on an airplane? The Bear, Maybe it started somewhere around Richard Reed and the Shoe Bomber. But feet, feet used to be, first off, you were nervous taking your shoes off in the past because there was odor. Your feet would sweat, your socks would be smelly or sweaty. There was a stigma to the, you know, taking off the socks and the shoes and your dirty shoes and your dirty socks. I feel like there's a lot of people now walking around without socks and loafers, without. I'm not wearing socks right now in my shoes. So it's a long story. But the point is a lot of flip flops. A lot of people kicking off their flip flops. A lot of people asking that you take your shoes off before you come into the house. I don't know what's worse, by the way, the vulcanized rubber on the bottom of the thing or the salmonella they're dragging in with, with their filthy bunions. You know what I'm saying?

Dave Damaschek (12:21)

I, believe me, I cannot stand, stand male feet. I give a pass to women. Women, you know, like, like many ways, women have a more attractive version.

Adam Carolla (12:32)

Yeah.

Dave Damaschek (12:32)

Now I, and by the way, I don't think women, you know, there are plenty of guys who have that fetish. I wouldn't say I have a fetish for female feet, but I give it a pass. An attractive woman tends to have attractive.

Adam Carolla (12:43)

Feet and they don't wear socks when they're wearing pumps.

Dave Damaschek (12:46)

And it's accepted, for better or worse, society. Long ago, well, before you and I walk the earth, people accept it. It's alright to see a woman's feet. Men's feet are, you know, please put those disgusting things away. Keep your slippers on at home and when you go out, put on a shoe and a sock if you please. And here, you know, here's your answer. Where did it start? Yoga. I think people got comfortable with the idea that, well, I'm going to yoga, so now I'll put on my slippers, my flip flops or whatever. And then it just became like, you know what? This is comfortable to wear out in public. Never mind the way the rest of the world reacts to it. That's not my, that's not my concern.

Adam Carolla (13:26)

You know, what happened too is we Have a specialized set of shoes for everything. So either you do something that involves no shoes, which didn't exist in the past. You didn't go to the gym and take your shoes off like you do now. You're taking a Pilates class or yoga class or whatever. Or you're going to the airport where you know your shoes are coming off, or you're going to pray to some God knows what and the shoes are coming off. And also you just had one pair of sneakers. So you put your sneakers on at home, you'd go to the gym. You do whatever you did at the gym in the same sneakers and you turn around and leave in the sneakers. Now you've got your boxing shoes or you've got your volleyball shoes, or you have your spinning shoes or you have like your cross trainers or whatever. There's this weird specialized shoe thing going on. And so we all do the. I'm going to the gym. It's like, I'll do it if I'm going to go box at the gym. I'm going to put my boxing shoes on when I get to the gym. So I won't wear the lace up shoes there. I'll wear the flip flops there because I know I'm going to kick them off as soon as I get to the gym. I think this specialized shoe thing, what a gambit.

Dave Damaschek (14:34)

What a. What ridiculous thing that we've collectively accepted as a society that, that we need different shoes for these things. They make shoes now for volleyball. How, how different can the shoe be? Can the requirements of a shoe be when it's played on a basketball court? Right. How can you just wear basketball shoes? No, no, you need volleyball shoes.

Adam Carolla (14:57)

I've said a million times, whatever Michael Jordan or Allen Iverson is doing on the same parquet as you, you don't think that's enough? They don't have enough lateral support.

Dave Damaschek (15:10)

And people will convince you. Yes, people. Driving shoes.

Adam Carolla (15:14)

Yeah. You need driving shoes. Well, basically between wrestling, boxing and driving, you only need one shoe. You need a wrestling. That's exactly right. That's all you need. There's some shoes. I'm sure they're shoes for shooting pool. I'm sure there's shoes for like operating remote control hobby airplanes. They will, they will, they will let you know there's a specialized everything for everything. I don't know, maybe I blame China for this or something, but I do, I do love where they have like special sunglasses for fishing versus driving versus flying an airplane.

Dave Damaschek (15:50)

It's very.

Adam Carolla (15:51)

Just trying to keep the UV rays out of our retina.

Dave Damaschek (15:54)

Kudos to whoever invented it, because that guy is. That guy is hailed, I'm sure, in. In business school, marketing classes the world over.

Adam Carolla (16:02)

Yeah.

Dave Damaschek (16:02)

This. This guy. Completely unnecessary thing. Billion dollar industry.

Adam Carolla (16:07)

Yeah. Now I have the shoes I wear when I drink OJ and then another shoe for Sonny D. I'm that specialized.

Dave Damaschek (16:14)

I use the Jack Lambert glasser I did for beer, but no more.

Adam Carolla (16:17)

Yeah.

Dave Damaschek (16:19)

Ace. So listen, I just want to say I'm doing a podcast now. I was doing with espn, as you know, for. For a while now, and I continue to do some stuff with ESPN, but now I'm on Accuscore.com and. And I'm pleased to say a lot of people thanks, you know, in part to you, because everybody got to know me through, you know, doing the radio show with you and a lot of your listeners now. You know, people listen to what I do podcasting wise. And so accuscore.com I'm doing a podcast now a couple few times a week. And early on, people are listening.

Adam Carolla (16:50)

I start climbing the charts over there at itunes. So good that you took my listeners and your listeners and maybe some of Bill Simmons listeners and brought them over to your thing. And I've said it many times, if you like Adam Carolla, you will tolerate Dave Damachek. I don't want to say love, because that would mean, like, you'd be better than me, but certainly it'll do.

Dave Damaschek (17:10)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (17:10)

You know what I mean, right?

Dave Damaschek (17:11)

Yeah. Get you by if they're like, wait, Corolla didn't. Oh, yeah. There's not a Sunday show, like, right.

Adam Carolla (17:16)

I guess this will be. This will be a very rickety rope bridge that'll take us to Monday. That's right. They get us to the next show. Remember when every third movie you saw someone had to cross a rope bridge?

Dave Damaschek (17:31)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (17:32)

And then it was like, is this thing safe? And then some board would crack at a certain point there. By the way, I won't cross a rope bridge just because I've never seen anyone cross one successfully.

Dave Damaschek (17:42)

Yeah, yeah.

Adam Carolla (17:43)

You learned your lesson. Never been a movie where it's like, they come up on the rope bridge. Man, it looks like they just finished this thing. It is brand new. Let's all trot across. Hey, I'm on the other side. Fantastic. Let's continue our journey.

Dave Damaschek (17:55)

Yeah. Interesting. You don't see the newly constructed bridge. That's a good point. Right.

Adam Carolla (17:59)

How can they all be 60 years old? Somewhere there must be a new rope or.

Dave Damaschek (18:05)

Well, I should correct myself. I Guess they every once in a while there is a newly const. Constructed bridge in a movie. But then it must immediately be exploded. It must be.

Adam Carolla (18:17)

Well, what will happen is, is the guys that are behind me. And by the way, there's no such thing as approaching a roach. A roach. A rope bridge without somebody chasing you.

Dave Damaschek (18:28)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (18:29)

So if you do get to one look behind you because there's someone with a spear is coming after you. But then even if it's a good bridge, you get across it, someone's going to cut it with a machete.

Dave Damaschek (18:38)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (18:39)

And the great thing about a rope bridge is it does doesn't just fall down. It sort of falls in pieces. I don't know how it works. I'm sure Newton would have something to say about this.

Dave Damaschek (18:49)

But.

Adam Carolla (18:50)

But it sort of falls like you can still run on the, the part that has cut yet even though there's no tension on the vine anymore.

Dave Damaschek (18:57)

Well, Temple of Doom, that was the greatest bridge, precarious bridge thing we've ever seen. Indiana Jones, when he, when he did that. But you know, I was thinking, you talk about running in movies, you see a lot of adults running and I was thinking that there's a distinction between movies and reality. In, in adult life, if you are ever, if you ever have to run at full speed, there's something wrong unless you're a professional athlete. Is that true? Is that fair to say? If you ever have to run as fast as you can run, it's never good. What would you ever be running for? That would be something positive.

Adam Carolla (19:30)

Yes, there. Yeah, there is. Oh yeah, there's nothing. Oh. Even when you're trying to make a train or make a plane or anything, it's not good. But it's never full blown sprint. It's always a kind of a. It's three quarter sprint.

Dave Damaschek (19:46)

And why? Because it's self conscious. You feel like an ass.

Adam Carolla (19:48)

People are looking at you. In the airport. There's this sort of you don't want the out of control crazy like you're running downhill kind of kind of thing and like something is chasing you. No, you have the. I'm going to keep my composure while I run through this airplane.

Dave Damaschek (20:03)

Yeah, people do it. They kind of have a smile on their face. Like I realize I look ridiculous. Extra weird. Now that you know that I think about it at least I'm anonymous. It must be weird to be a celebrity and running full speed. Hey, you know what I saw in the airport? I saw Adam Carolla sprinting for goodness knows what. That's a Weird thing.

Adam Carolla (20:20)

Yeah, no, it makes you. I mean, you can't run through airports and it's tough to rent porn. Those are really all, all the money in the world to rent porn. But no, no anonymous shop.

Dave Damaschek (20:33)

You don't hear that. You hear a lot of celebrities talking about the loss of anonymity in restaurants and stuff. Never about.

Adam Carolla (20:39)

It's all about renting porn.

Dave Damaschek (20:40)

The porn rental. Interesting.

Adam Carolla (20:42)

I think we have a question, by the way. Hey, Donnie, you may have to go outside and tell somebody to be quiet out there. We've posted a bold sign that says, please be quiet. We're taping. But that doesn't work with everyone. Hey, Eric, uh oh, do we have Eric on line one? Eric, what's going on? Fayetteville, Arkansas? Yeah. You have a question? Yeah. What's your question? Hey, I just wanted to know what you thought about the Pacquiao fight. You know, Pacquiao is probably the best pound for pound fighter there is. You think he'll ever fight Mayweather? Here's what I think about almost all these fights and all these guys and all this retirement and so on and so forth. When you dangle 20, 25, $30 million, maybe with a share of the box office in front of someone who says they're retired, it'd be real easy to get them out of retirement or to get them to do whatever it is they're going to do. I mean, it's pure and simple. I don't know why we look at it any other way. If somebody said to me, hey, would you go do Playgirl? I'd say no. They said, hey, here's $30 million. I whipped my dick out while I was talking to the guy. If someone said, hey, you're not a carpenter anymore, you're retired, I'd say, yeah, I'm retired. Would you like to go back and be a carpenter? I would say no. If they said, I'll give you $30 million to hang a door, I. I would immediately end my retirement.

Dave Damaschek (22:18)

Well, let me ask you this though.

Adam Carolla (22:20)

Because I think I'll tell you in a second.

Dave Damaschek (22:23)

Oh yeah, yeah, that of course, when people badmouth the BCS in college football and everything, boxing, I think we can agree is even worse that you just clearly, Mayweather, Pacquiao would be the greatest fight of the decade or whatever. That's how it would be promoted. Why can't we just get that fight? It's ridiculous. But I was thinking specifically we will, but go ahead. You talk about how much money you can make and who would ever say no. But I was thinking about guys like Steve Martin who are g, you know, all time great, you know?

Adam Carolla (22:51)

Sure.

Dave Damaschek (22:51)

What is really in his head making Pink Panther, you know, it's a make the first one at all. How dare you do that to Peter Sellers? What if, what if other people, what if other comedians started to make remake the Jerk, for instance? You would be outraged. And Peter Sellers, as you know, in the Pink Panthers, even better is Clouseau is more iconic. So why would he make that first of all and then go back for a second one? It makes me think like how much really Steve Martin? I get that, I guess it's relative. But how much money do you need? Why do you keep making crummy movies like this?

Adam Carolla (23:25)

Listen, I have no idea how it works, but of course it works over and over again. Now, once in a while, these guys get into trouble with the IRS lots of times. Lots of these are sort of divorce based. Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather. This happens all the time. The non stop puncher, the aggressive guy. The difference with Pacquiao is he's got crazy hand speed too. But whenever, historically, when that guy goes against the athlete, the guy who's slick, the guy who's essentially Floyd Mayweather Jr. The slick guy wins every time. The matador always wins the bullfight, so to speak. Even when Sugar Ray Leonard is going against Hagler, this guy's unstoppable. He never stops punching, he can't be hurt, he's got great hand speed, blah, blah, blah. The slick, athletic, elusive guy, the guy who has movement, always seems to win those fights. So even though Pacquiao seems pound for pound and indestructible at this point, somehow the slick guys like Ali, in his prime, you know, when Ali was going against Foreman, Foreman was the strongest, baddest man on the planet, yet he was able to beat him. You know, the guys that have movement, the guys that are elusive, the guys who have great ring generalship, but the guys that you would consider slick, like athletes like the guys who would be great point guards in the NBA, those are the guys that always seem to win those fights. So for that reason, I would say Floyd Mayweather gets the nod over Pacquiao with two quick caveats. Inactivity on Mayweather's part to some degree, not being in the ring quite as much as Pacquiao. And the one thing that you have to realize about Pacquiao, fast hands. Most of the other guys are just Roberto Duran. They move forward, they punch. And of course guys like, guys like Sugar Ray Leonard are going to beat Roberto Duran because they're so much slicker. Pacquiao actually has fast hands for an.

Dave Damaschek (25:26)

Aggressive guy and it's sort of the opposite. It's interesting. The style makes the matchup in boxing and I defer to you on when it comes to the fisticuffs, but the opposite is what happened in the trilogy of Ali Frazier fights. Right, because that, those devolved into just slugfests. Right? And, and Ali had the ability to take a punch and to slug with people and that's how he won those two fights. Pacquiao is a slugger, but he can, I think he can keep up with Mayweather in terms of the slick stuff. Right? Wouldn't you agree?

Adam Carolla (26:01)

Nobody's quite as slick as Mayweather is. He's got good movement, Pacquiao does, and he's fast handed and he shows a lot of angles. But Mayweather is a crazy athlete. I know, just sort of picture who do you want playing on your three guy pickup game, playing hoops, you know what I mean? You know, you know, like Mayweather just has mad ball skills and Pacquiao doesn't quite have that first step, you know what I mean? Maybe it's just because he's black and the other guy's Filipino, but I mean the guy is slick. And let's not forget Pacquiao has two or three losses in a draw to his name. Mayweather's got a big goose egg watching.

Dave Damaschek (26:42)

247 that, you know, the documentary series on HBO. Man, he is just it, it's beyond words. His, his speed, his quickness is unlike anything.

Adam Carolla (26:53)

I would say that that fight would be pretty much even money. And if I was going to bet it, I would, I would bet Mayweather to stay unbeaten, but it'd be a great fight or it would be a boring fight where Pacquiao never really caught.

Dave Damaschek (27:08)

Up to Mayweather and he just points and Mayweather were just sort of out.

Adam Carolla (27:12)

Point him and then backed up. All right, do we have line two? Line two. Daniel. Hey, this is Daniel. What's up baseball? What's happening, Daniel? Not much. Big fan, big fan of Shuttle. Also big fan of Damoshek.

Dave Damaschek (27:26)

Thanks, Daniel. What's up?

Adam Carolla (27:28)

Yeah, I was just wondering what's the whole deal with ESPN not allowing Damoshek or Simmons to come on your podcast? What up with that, man?

Dave Damaschek (27:35)

Well, you know, it's something I get. People email me. I've gotten countless emails about this the last few months and really it's, I guess it's not an exciting story. I don't Know, I really don't know anything about Simmons, his story. I know that there was another ESPN guy who was booked on this show, and then espn, I think, told him not to do it. But the fact of the matter is, you know, I'm not Bill Simmons. I don't have the profile of Bill Simmons. And, you know, people advised me, listen, you're trying to, you know, I'm trying to make, make my way in the business of show Ace. And so people said, you know, right now with companies like espn, they probably don't want to hear you working blue. And, you know, as much a fan of the Ace man as I am, sometimes you delve into those, those adult themed issues. And so people just said, listen, right now it's not a good idea for you to be, you know, work in blue. But I, but I was not formally banned by espn.

Adam Carolla (28:32)

Espn, we've talked about this many times. Sports, sports franchises, sports networks are uptight for no good reason. It's hard to tell why they are. I mean, you would think if you were just from another planet and you saw that, here's their viewership, you know what I mean? Like, you understand if you're Pat Robertson and you're running the 700 Club, not to pull out a butt plug at some point. You know, I mean, there's certain things you understand, like, okay, this is programming for children. Fine, let's be appropriate here. This is programming for religious people. Fine, let's be appropriate here. This is programming for the elderly or veterans of World War II or whatever, whatever it is, you know, Muslims or Jehovah's Witnesses or something. Fine, be that way. But sports is insane, because sports, every commercial on espn, every third commercial is a beer commercial. And if not a beer commercial, it's Howie Long trying to sell you a four wheeler truck. You know what I mean? These are guys. These are some of the least offendable guys you're ever going to want to meet are the guys who watch ESPN or who listen to Bill Simmons or listen to Dave Damaschek or read this, you know, listen to podcasts or read the blogs. These are essentially average age, white guy, average age, you know, 37 and nine months, who likes Pollock jokes. I mean, honestly. And who, you know, Every guy I know who's into sports, and I know this isn't different. Around the country, they're all not easily offended. They all like talking trash. It's sort of part of what it is. They like talking smack about the other guy's roto team. They, they like talking about trash. Trash about the other guy's quarterback. They like talking trash about each other. They're not vegans, you know, I mean, there's a whole, you know, there's a whole list.

Dave Damaschek (30:30)

I think it all starts with. And you say it's the leagues and I assume then the people who cover it. Part of the deals is, you know, you know, whether whoever has the rights to NFL football and beyond probably then has it dictated too by those leagues. And the NFL is the most powerful. It is so weird to me the idea that the league is family friendly. But of course, the entire essence of the sport is about violence. It's of course, you know, what's being perpetuated. There's the vibe that hypocrisy has been talked about, you know, has been run into the ground. But it is absolutely true. And beyond that, you know, forget about, you know. Commissioner Goodell of the NFL went so far as to create a fan conduct policy encouraging you. If you're in the stadium and you see, you hear bad out other fans, rat out other fans. Shame on you, Commissioner. Get. But the, but the player conduct policy that these guys are felonious. Yeah. Listen. Yeah, they're. You're encouraging their violence, but you want only for that 60 minutes. Of course it's going to, it's going to bleed out.

Adam Carolla (31:30)

Yeah.

Dave Damaschek (31:30)

To me, much worse for the credibility of the sport is when the signature guys like Donovan McNabb don't know the rules. That's that, that's what drives me crazy.

Adam Carolla (31:40)

Double overtime.

Dave Damaschek (31:41)

Not what.

Adam Carolla (31:41)

What.

Dave Damaschek (31:41)

I just thought we played what you're. That's bad for the league. I don't care if this guy, whatever would happen with him off the field. That doesn't affect my ability to enjoy sport so much as I care more than Donna McNabb. I know the rules better than he does.

Adam Carolla (31:54)

Yeah, that's wrong. Yeah. No, agreed. All right. You brought something with you, Dave Damach.

Dave Damaschek (32:00)

Well, yeah, I just was. I was thinking about it the other day. We were driving around my. My Lovely Bride and I and we were in the car and Brian Adams, you remember the Robin Hood picture with, with Costner.

Adam Carolla (32:14)

Sure. Had a song for that.

Dave Damaschek (32:16)

Yeah. Everything you do, I do it for you. And you know, we sing along. Do you do that? By the way you sing along with your wife. Do you do duets in the car?

Adam Carolla (32:25)

Only to Graham Parker songs and he rarely pops up on FM radio.

Dave Damaschek (32:30)

Sticks is a good one for the sing alongs.

Adam Carolla (32:32)

Mr. Robotics.

Dave Damaschek (32:33)

Yeah, do do a lot of those. But. So that one came on and we started, you know, belting that one out. Don't tell me not worth fighting for.

Adam Carolla (32:43)

Yeah, yeah.

Dave Damaschek (32:45)

I would die for you. I'd walk the wife. And so the first thing I was thinking of is, as we're singing this, suddenly it occurred to me, if you just break the lyrics down without the music behind them, don't tell me it's not worth fighting for. That's basically. Imagine how that conversation goes in real life. So the girl says, like, you know, I don't know if this isn't going anywhere. It's not worth the hassle. Let's just. Maybe we'll take some time apart with each other. Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for. Yeah, it's like a stalk, right? I mean, that's basically how it would be. Scared you'd be freaked out if a guy said, if you're a woman and a guy says to you, don't tell me it's not worth fighting for you. But, hey, again, I'm just saying, we'll take a break. Well, we'll come back.

Adam Carolla (33:29)

Well, all great love songs in real life would involve a restraining order. Ever really carried out.

Dave Damaschek (33:36)

That's what I'm saying. Right.

Adam Carolla (33:37)

It's.

Dave Damaschek (33:38)

It's.

Adam Carolla (33:38)

It's. It's a. It's like sort of. Adam Sandler would get arrested in every movie he did if he did that in real life. Adam Sandler, in every comedy Adam Sandler does cold cocks, at least five guys at restaurants, literally balls up a fist and punches him in the face. He'd be arrested immediately. It's a certain heightened universe they have.

Dave Damaschek (34:01)

Yeah. And then the other thing is, the lyrics go, I fight for you, I die for you. Walk the wire for you, or walk the line for you. Whatever it is. Doesn't that pretty much get it when. When you. When you come out of the gate with I'll die for you? You can stop there with the other stuff. After everything that follows. I'll die for you. I get. I get where your head's at with this relationship. And again, I think we really. It's best for the both of us if we take a little break. I think you're getting a little too intense. After all, we've known each other only five days, and you're ready to die for me. But then. But I like the additional, like, I'll die for you. I. I'll walk the wire for you. I'm underwhelmed by everything that follows. I'll die for you. You know, hey, I'll. I'll go see. We can get that chick flick on dvd. I'll die for you. And I guess we can go eat at the vegan joint after that. No, the die for you encapsulates you. What we're. What we're dealing with here.

Adam Carolla (34:52)

And it doesn't. It doesn't bode well for guys like us because, you know, 10 minutes earlier, my wife said, could you go out to the car and just swap the booster seat from your car to the back of my car? And I went, oh, God damn. Does it ever end? Does it ever end? Jesus Christ. I gotta go out. I gotta bring both sets of keys.

Dave Damaschek (35:16)

I'll die for you. I'll swap the car seat out for you.

Adam Carolla (35:22)

Oh, the humanity. Where's Olga? God damn, I'm a C list celebrity.

Dave Damaschek (35:27)

All these songs are exactly. But so, so then I. So that's an 80s song. And then I realized it's a phenomenon of the. All these songs. People making music in the 80s need restraining orders against them. Billy Ocean, another icon of the 80s. Get out of my dreams, get into my car.

Adam Carolla (35:46)

Yeah, he really means trunk. Actually, originally that was the lyrics.

Dave Damaschek (35:52)

But then it starts out, hey, you, get into my car. Who, me? Yes, you, get into my car. Woo wah. Hey. So these are strangers I never ever knew. Like, hey, get out of my dreams. Yeah, we've known each other a little while now. You to hang out with me and go on a date. No, this is just someone who he sees on the street. Hey, you get into my car. Hey, listen, I'm calling the cops. How about that?

Adam Carolla (36:15)

Billy Ocean also sing about Caribbean Queen.

Dave Damaschek (36:18)

He also sang about the Caribbean.

Adam Carolla (36:19)

No more love on the run. What are you doing? Like, what position could you actually screw in where you're actually both. There's a. Yeah.

Dave Damaschek (36:31)

Billy Ocean on the road. I was just talking to your pal Kimmel about this. Billy Ocean, I think has to have the most hits of Anonymous Guys in 2009. Does anybody know what Billy Ocean's up to? Does anybody mention him as like, hey, who are the great hit makers of the 80s? You would say Michael Jackson, of course, and Madonna and people. This guy had like, yeah, suddenly you're in love.

Podcast Narrator (36:57)

Oh, that's him.

Dave Damaschek (36:57)

Yeah. I want to be your lover Lover boy. He did the Jewel. The Nile doesn't get his due.

Adam Carolla (37:05)

He doesn't get his due.

Dave Damaschek (37:06)

And then how about. And then how about Africa? They had Africa and our pal Jamie, when I started talking about this yesterday and he said, yeah, don't forget about Africa and his things, first of all, It's a song about being in Africa, right? And. But it's a love story. And, you know, like, I. I hear the drums echoing at night. She's coming in on a 12:30 flight, whatever. And then it gets into. It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you. There's nothing that 100 men or more could ever do. Yeah, that's pretty scary. If you're a woman, like, I'm gonna have you and no one's gonna stop.

Adam Carolla (37:44)

I don't care how many cops, how many federal marshals, how many parole officers. There's no way.

Dave Damaschek (37:50)

And then it's tagged with, I seek to cure what's deep inside. Frightened of this thing that I've become. Hey, let's get together, though. You and me, baby.

Adam Carolla (37:57)

The one thing I gotta give to Africa and Toto is I'm an imbecile. I grew up in North Hollywood. I never read a textbook or took a look at a world atlas. I had no idea. I didn't know Detroit was in Michigan until I was, like, 31. I never took a geometry class I went to. I took a bunch of sewing classes and a bunch of horticulture classes and ceramic classes. So when they would say, sure is Mount Kilimanjaro, you know, I would just turn it to kill a marshmallow or whatever, you know. I had no idea what the name of Kilimanjaro was. I didn't know it was a mountain. I thought they were mounting some chick named Kilimanjaro. I thought they were killing a guy named Majero and then mounting his head on the wall. It's weird when you get to become an adult and you hear these songs later on. Oh, yeah, it's that mountain they have over there. Hey, Dave Damoshek.

Dave Damaschek (38:51)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (38:51)

Do you have one more song for us that you.

Dave Damaschek (38:54)

No, I've gone through those lyrics. I think the point is made, though, that. That you be careful taking your romantic cues from 80s music. Yeah, that's the takeaway message.

Adam Carolla (39:05)

Well, I'm just glad Billy is now getting his love, you know, somewhere else than the road. It's no more love on the run.

Dave Damaschek (39:11)

Get into my car. Who are you bothering me, please. I'm trying to take a walk. One thing I'd like to share with you, though, an idea that we were talking about at Kimmel's house watching football the other day. You know, Chaz Weiss, the coach of Notre Dame, is going to be fired imminently. Here's my new idea. You know, I hate the gatorade. Bath. You know, the football is a copycat sport and strategies and beyond, you know, all right, fine. Harry Carson, the linebacker of the Giants back in the 80s, he dumps the jug of Gatorade on Bill Parcell's head. Fine. Now that it's lived on, though, for another quarter century, can we do away with it? It's stupid. One and two, potentially dangerous. What if an old man has a heart condition?

Adam Carolla (39:54)

That obese is in his 60s. Of course you're throwing him into a.

Dave Damaschek (39:58)

Stroke is what you're going to do. But I think a way to reinvigorate the Gatorade bath is instead of doing it in victory. I think the Irish players, they went there with high hopes. They signed on to go play at Notre Dame Golden Dome. And Chaz Weiss has sullied those dreams by being an inept coach. I think when he loses to Stanford, their last game, when they're out there in the Bay Area, how great would it be? In the waning seconds of that game, the players give him a Gatorade bath. Hit the bricks, Chaz Weiss, you pig.

Adam Carolla (40:27)

I think someone should take a shit in it and then do it.

Dave Damaschek (40:30)

Wouldn't that be great, though, that, like, I wonder what the players has that I wonder if the coach has lost the locker room. Well, that would remove any shadow of a doubt. Like, yeah, here's our. Here's our answer. What we think of Eric Mangini. We just gave him the Gatorade bath. It would be a humiliation, and I think it would be delightful for we fans.

Adam Carolla (40:46)

Given Pop Warner or Vince Lombardi a Gatorade bath, he'd bench everybody on the team. All right, Dave Damaschek, where do we go to find your new hot podcast?

Dave Damaschek (40:56)

It is accuscore.com. it's also on itunes. So if you search. I'm pretty sure about this. If you search by my last name, Damshek, or you search Accuscore, you'll be able to find it. And thanks to Ace for the promotion. And, in fact, Ace, I'll pitch this to you quickly. What we should do is you like to throw a little bit of moolah on college games. I mean, on pro games sometimes. Maybe we could do an ongoing thing where we pick NFL games against the spread. Get your thoughts on it.

Adam Carolla (41:22)

My pleasure. I'd love to part with more money. Thanks, Dave. Till next time, this is Adam Kroll and mahalo.

Podcast Narrator (41:34)

All right, this is Adam Kroll Show 204. Coming up next, we have Adam Kroll Show 235 more Dave Damaschek this time from 2010. It's the second calendar year the podcast is airing before their first anniversary. Hope you guys enjoy.

Adam Carolla (41:50)

Welcome back to the show. One of my favorites and one of Donny's favorites. As he told me last night, he doesn't have a whole lot of favorites. By the way, he's my biggest fan. Although I've done Leno six times in the last nine weeks, he's not seen any of them other than that biggest. He's my biggest fan. And the funny thing that's funny about Donnie is whenever I say to him, hey, did you catch Leno last night? He'll go, nah, I didn't see it. I go, we got a mention for AdamCarolla.com. i go, I haven't seen it. And then he'll pause and he'll go, you know, I'm your biggest fan.

Dave Damaschek (42:26)

Wow. You know, I think I told you my mother in law did that same thing. She told me a couple months ago that she told me in one moment that she's a tremendous fan of mine, maybe my biggest fan. Biggest fan. And then told me she's never heard anything I've ever done before. And when she told me that, I said, well, no wonder I'm in so, so much trouble then. If you're my biggest fan and you've never heard one second of anything I've.

Adam Carolla (42:54)

Ever done, it's really. Yeah. Your mother in law. And like Donny is like saying, the richest contributor to our museum gave a nickel and them going, but I'm the biggest supporter of this museum. Wow. Because we're fucked. Now if you are the big. If you represent the gold standard for backers of Dave Danishek or Adam Carolla, we're in trouble now.

Dave Damaschek (43:21)

Well, what about it? I'm sure you've been over it quite a bit already, but now your pal Leno, back to 11:30. I mean, I don't want to go over ground that you've.

Adam Carolla (43:32)

No, go ahead.

Dave Damaschek (43:33)

Well, already I'm just curious for Carolla's opinion on this. I mean, obviously you got Kim. What? You got Leno. You're pretty much best chums with half the late night guys.

Adam Carolla (43:43)

Yeah. You know the thing, you know the thing that's funny about Leno is a couple things in the chums department. Leno doesn't really have friends. He has people he works with and he has his car associates, but he doesn't really have friends. He doesn't like sports and I don't think he likes hanging out. You know what I mean, like, it's kind of interesting because. Because Jimmy likes cooking and he likes sports. And if you think about that, it's not because he loves food. All right, well, maybe he likes food, and it's not because he loves sports. All right, maybe he likes sports, but it's a social. It's an excuse. It's really just an excuse to have a bunch of dudes over at his house.

Dave Damaschek (44:30)

And that's exactly right. It's not that I don't get the impression he doesn't watch Kimmel. Once into that game, Kimmel doesn't want to come over to Damoshek's crib and watch the big game. He likes to host.

Adam Carolla (44:41)

Yeah, he likes to host his blood.

Dave Damaschek (44:43)

To always be the host.

Adam Carolla (44:45)

Yeah, he's. He's. He's really. He's. He's like a heavyset Jewish woman who puts people together. He's a matchmaker, really. He should be on Fiddler on the Roof. He really should. He. He's very. Oh, you should meet this guy, and this guy should come together, and you should like that guy, and you should work with this guy, and you should work with that guy. So he's very social that way. Leno's just really all about work and cars. And so whatever relationship I have with Leno is all just either work or cars. You know, you can go to a shop and hang out and talk cars. And he drives different cars. And as I've said, I've even busted him on a little car trivia every once in a while and been right. Which he immediately goes home and checks, by the way.

Dave Damaschek (45:35)

I don't know about cars, obviously, in general, but. So is he like a guy who tinkers the way you do, or is he a guy who admires a car from 1942?

Adam Carolla (45:45)

He does. He goes much deeper than Tinker. It'd be like.

Dave Damaschek (45:50)

So he could build a car. I mean, he could, you know, open up a. I would. See, now I'm out of my depth. He could open up a hood of a car, take it apart and put it back together.

Adam Carolla (45:59)

Yeah. I would say the difference between, you know, what most guys do on cars and what he does on cars is probably the difference between. Between what a chiropractor does and what a neurosurgeon does. They're both working on the body. One of them really gets inside and does some shit that takes a lot of schooling to do.

Dave Damaschek (46:18)

And he is not that guy.

Adam Carolla (46:20)

He's. He's the neurosurgeon.

Dave Damaschek (46:22)

He is, yes.

Podcast Narrator (46:23)

Oh, really?

Dave Damaschek (46:24)

Wow.

Adam Carolla (46:24)

Yes. He goes very deep. Very deep. Because the thing is, is he has a whole bunch of cars that they don't make parts for, so he has to fabricate. And that's when you really get deep. Anyone could go on the Internet, pull off a P, you know, buy a carburetor and bolt it onto their car. Not you, of course, you're a Jew. But any gentile could go and do that. He literally could make the carburetor, I mean, through. And his. And his army of geniuses who he has working for him full time in his warehouses. I mean. But, yeah, he goes, he's insane. He's an encyclopedia. But again, not a social guy, a car guy. There's no way you're gonna sit around and drink a beer with Jay Leno. You can go over to Jay Leno's shop, crack a beer and talk to him while he's working on his cars. Do you know what I'm saying?

Dave Damaschek (47:19)

Sure.

Adam Carolla (47:20)

And as far as the late night landscape goes, I was just kind of talking about it because I. I did, you know, that this whole Conan thing has gone down and his letter and all that kind of stuff. You know, my. And you know, people, you know, Jay's the villain in a lot of these situations. You know, my feeling is he was number one and they pulled him off. They pulled him out of his slot, and, you know, he agreed to it five years earlier, to its detriment. But being number one and being pulled out of your slot just always seems like there's nowhere to go but down from there. I mean, if you think about it, if you really like, you know, you won the super bowl last year, now let's fire the coaching staff.

Dave Damaschek (48:08)

I think that's the picture we need, by the way, is it? Did Conan. Because there is talk that Conan said five years ago, NBC, he forced their hand. You need to make a commitment to me long term. That's what, that's what got Leno into, like, all right, five years and then you're off. And if you look at the whole picture, then you're right, that Leno does deserve some slack on that count at least.

Adam Carolla (48:32)

My initial reaction when this whole thing was coming, you know, a year ago, a couple of years ago, was to say Leno was doing gangbusters ratings at the time, or at least he was number one. The five years passed in the wink of an eye, and now all of a sudden, they're left with the situation or the decision to toss off a guy who's number one in his Time slot. I said at the time, postpone it. I know it sounds like more of the same, but I would have given Conan, you know, $10 million of USA culpa money. We fucked up. Give us two more years. And then Jace, then Jay's gone, right?

Dave Damaschek (49:15)

It does seem it did. See, but everybody, like you say a year ago, six months ago, three months or whatever, was three months before they actually made the big change. Yeah, it seemed like, well, this is. This is ridiculous. This is the by far. I mean, he is destroying Letterman, but we're gonna take him off. It seemed crazy. And I thought the whole thing was then they would have to pay out Conan an exorbitant sum. Yeah, they were from under it. But now they have to do that anyway.

Adam Carolla (49:41)

I guess they do. When I talked to my James Baby Doll Dixon, our agent about it, you know, he says, no, they don't have to pay him now. And.

Dave Damaschek (49:50)

Oh, because. Is that why they went and let go seven months? Because now there's a different financial standard that needs to be paid out.

Adam Carolla (49:59)

It is funny that I have to sort of explain things every once in a while to the people who know. He said no. Once they made that deal, they said they made that deal. I said, baby Doll, there must have been something in place. Otherwise they would make the deal, take the $40 million off the table, and then the next day they could fire him. They couldn't do that. I mean, certainly Conan's camp would be savvy enough to prevent that from happening. So his take was that. I don't know. You know, again, it's one guy, one rich millionaire arguing with another rich millionaire. I mean, I can only get so invested, pardon the pun, into this, into this drama. The thing that is interesting is we grew up watching Johnny Carson. You watch you doing the. You're part of the dog pound when Arsenio was. Yes, I was hit, as you were. But the point is, is I grew up listening to Johnny Carson tell Zsa Zsa Gabor slap a cop stories or, you know, talking about celebrity. You know, you pick the celebrity of the time. Plenty of fat Orson Welles jokes. I mean, Johnny Carson must have told like 200,000 fat Orson Welles jokes, I'm sure. Must have been great for one of the greatest director, actor whatevers of all time, the last six years of his life, just to hear Johnny Carson make fat jokes about him and then die and have to be buried in a mobile home, you know. But the point is, it was just fat Orson well jokes and Zsa Zsa Gabor Jokes and go to the Slauson cutoff and cut off your Slauson jokes. Now, late night, for the first time ever, is really having to make jokes about their own. Leno is forced to make Letterman infidelity jokes.

Dave Damaschek (52:00)

Well, Kimmel on Tuesday night did Leno. He came out an hour as Jay Leno and it was dynamite. And also Cleto dynamite job, basically doing an impression of Kevin the whole show just reiterating everything. That Jimmy Slacker, well, he is the.

Adam Carolla (52:18)

Blackest Mexican you'll ever meet. I mean, I think that goes without saying. But also, yeah, that was a great job. I watched the show. And the point is, for the first time ever, late night, whether it be the Letterman scandal or whether it be this whole new hubbub now with Conan and Jay and the shakeup and all that stuff, or just the shakeup that happened six, seven months ago when they were making the first switch, are forced to go out. I mean, Letterman is forced to go out in, in his monologue, discuss him fucking around on his wife, as is Jimmy and Leno and whoever. And now Leno is forced to go out in his mon and discuss moving to 11:30. I mean, could you imagine Johnny Carson coming out and talking about himself?

Dave Damaschek (53:10)

You know what? It's very, what it reminds me of is, is radio in a lot of ways. Howard Stern, there was never that attack thing back and forth on, like you say late night, but now Letterman is sort of taking shots at Leno and back and forth, and Kimmel's doing an hour long impression of Leno. It is very much the way Howard Stern attacks his competition in any market or used to. Yeah, 20 years ago.

Adam Carolla (53:32)

But also, as I was saying to James Baby Doll Dixon today, I said, but what are you supposed to do? I mean, if, if, if the only news story of the day is is Letterman and Letterman cheating and you're Leno or Kimmel or whoever, you have to address it. Because if you don't address it, you're ignoring the number one news story and.

Dave Damaschek (53:56)

You'Re hitting it's why Howard Stern, for one day or two days, when he start came back after Artie Lang stabbed himself, it was like, why would the New York Post report on this? This is a private thing. And then it sort of settled in like, oh, yeah, I guess we've been doing this for 25 years. Fair's fair. We have to acknowledge this just like we would anything else. But now, more importantly, yes, the bottom line is, who do you like better, Jimmy or Jay?

Adam Carolla (54:25)

I'm a fan of the Jaser now.

Dave Damaschek (54:28)

What about Jay Leno has an interesting thing going, Jim.

Adam Carolla (54:33)

Jimmy. I'm friends with Jay. I have a automotive. Jay and I, you know, Jay and I are like, we're like two guys who like the same fetish porn who end up bumping, bumping into each other at the same German novelty shop that sells the fetish porn all the time. Like, he's in, he's in. He likes when the Asians get bound with zip ties and urinated on. And that's my thing too. And so we started showing up at the adult bookstore and bumping into each other in the same aisle. Whereas Jimmy may have been.

Dave Damaschek (55:06)

Kim was your old lady. And he's perfect in every way. He's a perfect spouse in every way, except he doesn't get that thing. And so he's like, go do your German. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (55:15)

And we don't go. I don't go to his house, he doesn't come to my house. We just see each other at the adult bookstore, watch the Asian chick with the zip ties on her ankles getting whizzed on by the German guy and then go our separate way, a beat off and go our separate way.

Dave Damaschek (55:30)

I think it's interesting too that Leno, I think you've talked about this with other people. Leno is one of those guys who has cultivated for himself a uniform. You never see him, I mean, wears a suit for his show, but otherwise you never see him anywhere. I've seen him out and about around la. He always has on the denim shirt and the jeans.

Adam Carolla (55:48)

Denim shirt, denim jeans. Obviously the black sort of mechanic shoes. Yeah, they're weird, just smooth. Probably a steel toe, steel shank and an oil resistant sole. I remember when I was buying shoes, I'd be, you know, I remember as a kid going to like Sears, you know, buying shoes and there'd be the work boot section, oil resistant sole and big leather letters. And I think to myself, what, what is the problem are people are standing around in pools of oil all day? I mean, what is going on? What is the problem? How much oil seeps are we talking about? Canola oil, peanut oil? What oil are we talking about? And why is this such a selling point? But yeah, he wears the same black, smooth black. They're the lowboy mechanic shoes. The shoes you would see at the transmission shop with the denim jeans and the denim and the belt and the denim shirt is always tucked in and the sleeves are usually down. But he rolls them up when it's time to go to work, which is a sort of Symbolic move. Sort of like the turning the hat backwards when the sniper gets the clear shot. And he's smart and that's all he wears. Because I've made the mistake. See, here's what you want to do in life. You either want to go the Leno, and I claim it's further, obviously, than the shirt. I say he has a denim thermos he drinks out of. He uses denim contact lenses. His teeth, his fillings have denim in them. He eats a denim sandwich out of a denim lunch pail and uses a denim condom when he makes love to a strange woman. I say that everything is denim in his life. But if he ever needed, like, heart valve replacement surgery, they'd have to use a denim valve. But here's what you want to do. You either want to be like Jay Leno or you want to be like a sane person and wear a new shirt every day. But what you don't want to be is me and get caught in between, which is what? Because I wear the same shirt three days in a row.

Dave Damaschek (57:58)

So I was just gonna say why I would actually extend it beyond three. It seems like you've gotten into some runs of at least a fortnight of the exact same.

Adam Carolla (58:06)

The point is, is you wear a new shirt every day. That's right. Jay never wears a new shirt. Or we don't know whether he wears a new shirt or not. It's like a guy who works at Der Wiener Schnitzel. You don't go in and go, hey, you're wearing the same smock you were wearing two weeks ago. Yeah, that's my uniform. I put it on when I come. You don't do it with cops or fast food workers, you know what I'm saying? So nobody knows if the cop has worn that same blue shirt six days in a row or he wears a fresh one every day. Either way, smart to have a uniform or go your route. Go the sane route. Use a new shirt every day. Don't do what I do, which is have a three or four day run with one shirt and then wear it on the podcast and have it show up in the pictures and have people go, hey, you know, get on the Internet and go, we saw you in that same goddamn shirt. Three podcasts in a row now. What the fuck? So don't do what I do.

Dave Damaschek (58:59)

When are you gonna. At some point. Now you're, you know, I guess we're both sort of at that age where there's an important decision that's gonna have to be made. And I don't know that there's a winning choice here. When you get to be an older guy on one hand, you know, at what point do you go into the shoe store and buy the beige orthopedic shoes with the straps and everything that you see old guys walk? You know, that seems like a sad sort of concession in life. You know, you're getting.

Adam Carolla (59:22)

Remember when my grandfather first brought home the Velcro strap shoes?

Dave Damaschek (59:29)

Now the kids ironically dig that.

Adam Carolla (59:31)

Yeah. And by the way, in terms of a time saver, three tenths of a second. I mean, because you still have to undo the Velcro and there's still two straps and it's really just, it's the bending over and putting your hands down there. See, slippers are the ultimate time saver because you kick them on and you kick them off. But if you have to get down there and muss with the Velcro, then you're in. That's 90% of the battle. But when. Well, here's what I would say. Yes, it's sad to see the old guys in the weird nurse shoes that have that creepy beige color. I don't know why. Flesh color works great on human beings, but on everything else it's horrible on. You know, remember when the guys would have the huge cell phones that were flesh colored or the computers, original computer electronics equipment. It's horrible on shoes, it's horrible on a car. Forget about it. It's ironic that it's, you know, it worked beautifully on Heidi Klum. It's the greatest color ever on a woman. But it's horrible on everything else. Everything looks like shit, that color. Except for, except for us. Yeah, we look awesome.

Dave Damaschek (60:42)

Interesting. Yeah. And. But the other side of that coin is though then I, I always, I, I find it repellent when I see the guy who's just a little too old to be wearing the state of the art fashions are you stop with being fashionable.

Adam Carolla (60:56)

That's what I was going to say then. Now you have, now you have the flesh colored shoes. That's sad. But it's also seeing the 69 year old guy in the Skechers.

Dave Damaschek (61:08)

Yeah, that right.

Adam Carolla (61:09)

Or LA Gear or something like that. Even if they make that anymore. But the point is, is seeing the old dude in the young shoes, that's scary looking too. It's also sad because there's two old dudes in young shoes syndromes. There's hipster. I know what I'm doing. This is volitional. I'm intentionally trying to look 10 years younger by Making my feet look like a fucking 14 year old's feet or his sadder cousin, which is. I just went into the big five sporting goods and this happened to be in the bargain basket, you know what I mean? The Skechers, once in a while some hipster shoe, LA Knights or LA Gear or some sort of shoe that's put out by like Puff Daddy or Don Magic Wand, The Bishop Don Magic Wand shoe. Sometimes those shoes just end up in the bargain hopper. And the old guy whose eyesight ain't so great and who's always just looking for a bargain will pay the $19 for the leather high top La Gear shoes rather than the 20, 30, 40, whatever, for the, for the, you know, Nikes or So sometimes you'll see the guy, it's the same, the same way you see homeless guys once in a while wearing those shoes.

Dave Damaschek (62:26)

Yeah, and it's got, you know, in Apocalypse now, the great Robert Duvall scenes where, you know, he's the, you know, he's the colonel and you know, he gets beer and steaks for his guys. And I remember Sheen voices over there. He says like the more he tried to make it like home, the further away it seemed. It's the same thing. Like an old guy trying to dress hip like a midget. When you see a midget, when you see Verne Troyer walking around and he's, he's much hipper dressed than either you or me at any point, but it makes him stand out as more of a midget. You know what I mean?

Adam Carolla (63:00)

I agree. He should cut your losses. Yes, he should. Well, all midgets should just dress like Lilliputians or Fusions or from extra from wizard of Oz or something. They should have a crazy out clownish outfit or just dress like something crazy like traffic cones or something where if they stop, you wouldn't know and then they'd get up and move again. You know, it'd be funny that way. Well, you know, I was thinking about, I wasn't thinking about it until you brought it up, but Duvall and you know all those wartime movies even mash when they'd go like, I could get you a case of good scotch, you know, if you patch up my boy, right? Or I could get a steaks or I could get us cartons of cigarettes. I have a connection. You know what they never show? They never show the hard working platoon who's eating beans out of a can now because asshole guy took the steaks and took the good scotch. Yeah. I mean, let's face it, there's not a finite amount of steaks and scotch, otherwise it wouldn't be a commodity. What about the poor hard working guys are on the fucking front line who are just eating shit on a shingle. Another for 10 nights in a row now because asshole General brought over the cigars and the steaks and the good scotch, you know, and somehow there's always a connection without ever a follow up. You know, I could get you a case of 20 year old Scotch if you do it right. No one ever goes. Goes, huh? Where? Who do you know? I know that guy, he doesn't have any scotch, so he's just like, all right, you're on.

Dave Damaschek (64:30)

Why? Why is our military passing around cases and cases of booze of what value is that out when war is afoot?

Adam Carolla (64:38)

I don't know how that works. I really think that's the just guy who's never been in country and never enlisted. Let's face it, all the guys who write about this stuff have never so much as got into a wrestling match with a, you know, seventh grader. So they don't know anything about combat. I think they just imagine a world where there's a bunch of cases of Cutty Sark somewhere that could be traded. I think we have phone calls, by the way. Let's. We got a lot of good ones up there. I'll just start at the top. Let's see.

Dave Damaschek (65:14)

I don't think some. I can see what some people are asking and you know about BattleBots, you know.

Adam Carolla (65:18)

Yeah. Really? One of my, one of my, one of my favorite shows. All right, let me try. Oh, put your headphones on. That's what we need to do. And then I'll see if I can work this phone. Start it up top. Hey, Ryan. Yeah, hey. What's going on? Not a lot. How are you? Good. What's your question? My question is more of a comment really. I was on a flight to for New Year's Eve last year and I thought of you when they came around and handed out the little bags of food to give you. You're talking about Fiesta Mix. It's one of my favorite rants of yours. What they gave out might have topped the Fiesta Mix. I don't know that you could do worse, but go ahead, try me. They had a cranberry snack mix and it consisted of three things. Primarily dried cranberries, which got stuck in your teeth, right? Sesame sticks, which looks like death, and what topped it all was the cinnamon coated soybeans. Yeah, I got to say this, I got to Say this about the airlines and the snacks because first off, you know, it's bad when, you know, four and a half hours into the flight, you would suck a guy off for a bag of Doritos. Like when I'm on the ground, when we go over to Kimmel's on Sunday and someone has a sack of Doritos there, you'd walk past it and get to the higher end chips, the kettle chips or what have you. But in flight and also on the ground, I wouldn't suck a guy off for, you know, a McDonald's hamburger or a Del Taco burrito. But in flight, all of a sudden it's like you're in prison, right? It's like, oh, oh my God, that guy's got a cigarette. You know what I mean?

Dave Damaschek (67:12)

Well, side note, for all the male stewardesses of Southwest and other airlines listening right now, they are stowing away travel sized bags of Doritos just in case.

Adam Carolla (67:21)

Corolla sucked off in the bathroom. Hey, that's why they have those seats that face each other. The point is in the air. So here's my rule. First off, no, you have not. Not trump Fiesta mix because Fiesta mix is a bullion cube, some salt and some sand that just got mashed together. Oh, and one, one saltine cracker that just, somebody just pummeled just punch the shit out of and put into a bag.

Dave Damaschek (67:50)

I like the salty brown circles in there.

Adam Carolla (67:53)

Yeah, it's just a salty, it's just, it's nothing but sodium and you know, you know, brown dye number seven and some by the way. But no one has ever announced this Fiesta Mix is stale or gone bad because it's never gone good. There's no place to go bad from.

Dave Damaschek (68:12)

But it's, but it's all these little pieces that you would never buy on your, on their own and bitten by your own snake. Corolla. Your argument always against why I say apple is the best fruit is because you say, well, you don't see it in fruit, fruit salad, right? Because those fruits on their own can hold their weight. The apple does it on its own. It needs no companionship.

Adam Carolla (68:33)

Don't, don't even, don't even go there. The point I've never even said in my life. But look, it's a bunch of. That tastes bad on its own covered in a super dusty salty mess that just tastes like gravel. And it's like getting a handful of diatomaceous earth and putting into your mouth. It's like. But not only is it horrible tasting, it's Got to be horrible for you because it's nothing but sodium and carbohydrates. That's all it is. But the rule should be, is if you wouldn't eat it on the ground, then why are we eating it in the air? Right? Yes, because we're captive and I know people. And no. So cranberries does not trump this. I mean, it's horrible, don't get me wrong, but it's not offensive. This is a fisting that you're. This is a snack fisting that you're getting. It's the cinnamon soybeans that really got. Yeah, it's bad. But okay, but let me.

Dave Damaschek (69:33)

Could they get an old fashioned popcorn maker at the back of the plane? That'd be nice, Smell nice.

Adam Carolla (69:38)

Yeah. You're watching a movie, right? Why not?

Dave Damaschek (69:41)

Exactly.

Adam Carolla (69:42)

Here's what I want to say to all the A holes that give me the hey man, it's the budget. It's the bottom line. It's the budget. It's a bottom line as well. They're looking to save money. They're looking to save money. Is there a human being once a ticket? You know, first off, I don't know what a ticket costs to Chicago or New York, but let's just say for the, for the sake of argument, it's $273 to get a discount fare round trip, Louisiana to Chicago. $273. Is there a human being, you know, that wouldn't round it up to 280 or make it 279 or even just add $1 to the price of that thing to know that they could get snacks and the kind of fare that they would find on the ground. You know what I mean? Something you've heard of. Yeah, here's a Snickers bar. Look, so don't give me the fucking price thing because just fucking add it down.

Dave Damaschek (70:39)

Listen, the perhaps better question is Fiesta Mix. Whoever rejected the pretzels, I know they became a punchline. You know, every comedian 30 years ago, ah, you only get three peanuts in a bag or you get two, two pretzels in a bag. But listen, really, who decided like, yeah, we reject the idea of eating pretzels. We'd much rather have Fiesta made.

Adam Carolla (71:01)

No, I think they decided that they could save literally cheaper.

Dave Damaschek (71:06)

I'd like to see the why. I really wouldn't see the math on that.

Adam Carolla (71:09)

But here's the math. Pretzels are consumed on the ground. This Fiesta Mix is not consumed.

Dave Damaschek (71:17)

There's just a plant somewhere in Ohio churning out it's like the island of misfit toys. Like what are we gonna do with these salty brown circles and the, and the stale little sticks here? I know, let's just put them into little air airport airline sized bags. That's what happened.

Adam Carolla (71:34)

I say it's more nefarious. I say it's like a plant that made those weird little packets that come in electronics goods so that suck up the moisture. You know, things you almost, when you're high sometimes that show up in your come with your stereo and that kind of weird little packet. I think they made that and it was like one of these wartime decisions where the guys, they made automobiles but they had to start making jeeps now because we'd gone to wartime. But it didn't take much for Ford to switch over their plant from making, you know, the Edsel to making the Jeep. You know what I'm saying? It was a very, just a small lateral move for making those weird packets that suck the moisture out of your stereo box to making the Fiesta mix. As a matter of fact, that shit tastes better than the Fiesta mix. It's really an attack. It's. First off, I don't know what they do with like every pack that leaves the warehouse one. There's a large heavy set man of color that punches it one time and then they put it into the shipping container. Because every time you open it and dump it out of your tray, it's just dust. Yeah, it's just, it just turns. It's just dust and then there's nothing there. And if you're lucky, there's like literally one almond or half a peanut. And that's when you, that's what you pick out of this salty. But then you have to blow that brine off of it. Just saying for another what, 50 cents? And listen, let's, let's, let's expand this argument a little bit because I had an uncomfortable conversation with my brother in law. He's the, he's name is Mickey and he is the, he's the husband of my stepsister Hillary and during. But he's a nice guy and I've known him for many years and I like the guy. We had a, I had a nice, nice argument with him which was, it's, it was one of these things where it's like my new policy is to find out what policy the other person has before I start screaming about my policy. Because I had a lunch the other day when we were. Me and your buddy and my buddy Kevin Hansch, we're sitting down and we're having to interview casting people for the new sitcom, and Hench and I are sitting there over lunch, and it's a nice lady we're sitting with. And, you know, it's. It's 45 minutes of conversation and look, we're not interested in doing the next Accidentally on Purpose. We'd like to do a decent program here. I would know. We're not interested in doing. So much for camera fluff. We'd like to do something that we could feel good about and be proud of and, you know, and over the course of the conversation, Accidentally on Purpose comes up eight times as an example of something that we want nothing to do with. We don't want to work with those people, so on and so forth. Of course, when her resume comes out 45 minutes into the lunch, Accidentally on Purpose is on the top because it's her most recent casting.

Dave Damaschek (74:44)

Wonderful, wonderful. Say, a great start to the situation.

Adam Carolla (74:47)

A great start to the.

Dave Damaschek (74:48)

I want to hear all. I really. I think everybody is interested in hearing about the sitcom you mentioned factories, though. And I've asked this question before. When you watch those shows on Food Network or whatever, and they go to the factory and they show how foods are being made, and they go to like, the horseradish factory. And they say, like, look at this. We churn out 78,000 things of horseradish an hour. And they just show them going down the conveyor belt. And it always occurs to me, how much horseradish is anyone eating? The vast majority of it must just go into the dumpster, right? They churn out way more mustard and Tabasco than what do you buy a thing of Tabasco a year? And yet they make. They make roughly 117 bottles per man, woman, and child on the face of the earth a year.

Adam Carolla (75:37)

I would love to know the company, as I do think about this all the time. If you make extension cords for a living, well, then you sell one extension cord to one guy and he basically uses it for 45 years.

Dave Damaschek (75:54)

That's exactly right.

Adam Carolla (75:55)

He never loses it. It doesn't go bad. Nothing happens to it. It doesn't get smashed or stolen. Now, if you make cell phones, you're going to sell a lot of cell phones because people drop them, they get stolen, they get lost, they break. You know, people put them in their pocket, they lean over the bathroom, it falls into the toilet. You know what I mean? And if you make. If you make things of. There's certain things that I know go bad before they ever get. They ever get used up. I Know, for instance, if you make rolling papers, nobody ever gets to the last rolling paper. The thing gets lost, it falls in the toilet, it gets caught between the car seats.

Dave Damaschek (76:34)

Consider the demographics. Yeah, they lose, they lose things.

Adam Carolla (76:37)

Yeah, the stoners never use the lat. No one has ever done the, ah, no more rolling papers. I've, I've. And by the way, any good stoner would be able to roll a joint in the box at the rolling papers.

Dave Damaschek (76:48)

Came, came, turn it into some sort.

Adam Carolla (76:50)

Of, it should turn into a pipe when you're done with the last rolling paper. But yeah, you want to be in a business where people just, your shit goes bad and people just throw it away all the time. That's why, you know, I was, you know, like when, when toilet, when tping houses was all the in vogue, you know, in the 50s or the 60s or the, the people that made Charmin must have been over the moon. Like we were using this two sheets at a time on people's asses. Now they're taking whole rolls and just chucking them at the dean's house. This is awesome. For us, it's no different than, you know, Upjohn or Pfizer with Vicodin. This is great. It could be prescribed 2, 3 pills at a time by dentist for root canal. Or we could have the whole, you know, Mackenzie Phillips taking 100 a day. Just every, every, every nut job and, or the guys who make Sudafed, you know, we could wait for people to have a, you know, hay fever. Or we, every meth head in the world could take this thing and be crushing it up in their labs, you know, boxes at a time. I mean, so whatever business you get in. Horseradish. Yeah. You get one out of the horseradish squeeze thing and then nine months later when you go for it again, it's all dried up and bad. You have to toss it away. So that's what, that's what you want, a business where the shit goes bad and at the key.

Dave Damaschek (78:13)

Exactly. Right.

Adam Carolla (78:14)

I mean, like what percentage of eggs have broken after they've been purchased and never been consumed? What percentage of eggs have been thrown at a car? You know, I mean, that's what you want. You want a business where people are using your shit for something other than what it's intended for. Now, my brother in law, in terms of the policies, you know, I did the, and the airlines, you know, it's all this, nobody's going to pay for. The airlines are on a shoestring budget and all that kind of shit. I have this thing, you know when they started saying, look, if you want to check a third bag, it's going to cost you 50 bucks. Or if it's going to. If it's going to. You want to check a second bag, it costs this. Or if it's over a certain amount of weight, it's going to cost you that, or whatever the policy was for the airline. And people were outraged. They were just. God, like the idea that you asked them, you said to them, the first two bags are free, but if you want to bring a third bag, you're going to have to pay for that one. And it's like you basically fisted them with a hand that had been rolled and thumbtacks. And my feeling was, hey, fucker. It's about weight. It's all about weight and fuel. Jet fuel is super expensive. The more the plane weighs, the more fuel it takes to take it off and to fly it, pure and simple. So if there's a fat guy sitting next to you and he's got nine bags and he didn't pay for any of those bags and you're skinny and you have your backpack, then you are paying for him. Believe me. You're paying for. You're paying for. Not the airlines not paying for him. They've adjusted your ticket to compensate for lard ass and his fucking menagerie that he travels with. Do you see what I'm saying?

Dave Damaschek (80:05)

Ah, but maybe that's that. That is what they figured out. They're diabolical. Their accountants are so diabolical that that is why we're getting Fiesta Mix, because no one they know will eat it. But Doritos people will eat and they'll get fat over time.

Adam Carolla (80:19)

They'll have to pay.

Dave Damaschek (80:20)

They don't have to pay for that Fiesta Mix. No one wants it. No one's gonna eat it.

Adam Carolla (80:23)

That's a good point.

Dave Damaschek (80:24)

Everybody nice and light?

Adam Carolla (80:25)

Yeah, that's a decent point, except for all the sodium in it, which bloats you and makes you actually heavier during that flight. But, yeah, it's a decent plan. So my point is, is here's my usual flight. My usual flight is I fly into Vegas in the morning, do some business, and fly out that afternoon or evening, literally wearing the same clothes I was wearing the day before, which I would have been doing anyway, as we discussed, until I switch over to my denim smock plant. I'm going. I'm going with a full denim duster, by the way, but I literally don't even have a bag of toiletries half the time. I'm not even going to a hotel room. I'm just doing some business and coming back. I do a lot of quick hit stuff. Why the fuck should I pay for the guy in his third bag? And you've decided that you needed a third bag to travel with. Don't bring the third bag or pay the fucking 50 bucks. Is my, is my deal this. It's first off, nobody mandated you need to travel with a trifecta of bags. You've decided you needed a third bag filled with shit. It's all about weight. It's all about jet fuel. Why should I subsidize your, you know, fifth outfit? And of course as I was explaining this with a couple of glasses of wine in me, lots of gesticulating and lots of why the fuck do I pay for everyone? Well you can bet that when whatever airline, Alaska Airlines or whatever charged my brother in law Mickey for the second bag, he wrote a very, very harshly worded letter to the airline and has written many letters on this topic. Of course that didn't come out until 15 minutes after my Know your audience. Know your audience.

Dave Damaschek (82:09)

Speaking of audience. So I want you're actually bringing full circle. You mentioned that Johnny Carson used to do jokes that you didn't consider very funny about Orson Welles. I think in general that's a statement about tv. We've talked in movies too. Isn't it funny? Mash, you mentioned MASH too. MASH held up as the greatest sitcom of all time and we've got over it. It was two phases basically. You know, the, the, the early days where it was slapsticky comedy, you know, like sort of like Marx Brothers bantering and stuff. And then it turns into a melodrama that really should have just been turned into an hour long self serious thing. And by the way, as though there are two sides to that argument. Like hey, war stinks. That's the message of every week. Like man, war is hell. As though there's a portion of the population that needs to be convinced Every.

Adam Carolla (82:57)

Every, every second episode. Once they got past season five, what.

Dave Damaschek (83:02)

Beach makes the scene, it starts going down.

Adam Carolla (83:04)

It's every, every second episode was. Was the Korean soldier who killed two guys in the hard nosed general's platoon was also being brought in and the general guy who was there didn't want him worked on and BJ and Trapper and whoever else they would have to explain. Look, he's a human being and I'm a surgeon. Yeah, but he's the enemy. Yeah, but he has children too, just like you and me. There's a lot of that. Just like it was the whole Russian War, Cold War. It all had to do with the Cold War. They love their children too. They're hard working people love their children too. And there's just a handful of evil people at the top and blah, blah, blah. I always argue, by the way, if you're fucking stupid enough to elect evil people or let them take power over your country without a bloody coup, then you deserve to be bombed. That whole plan of. Well, everybody, everybody in Central America is good, decent, hard working people. Just everyone at the top is horrible. Or everyone in this part of Africa or Darfur, everyone is good except for the handful. Then, sorry, if we ever let that happen, then we deserve to be bombed too. If we let some evil dictators take over this country and start into, you know, ethnic cleansing, then we deserve whatever fucking bombing we get from Canada. That's what I'm saying. It's your fault. And as I say all the time, what's the ethnicity of the guy that's running your country? Where'd you import him from? Or is he just another one of you? That's why you deserve to be bombed. But let me say this. Thank you. Let me say this about, about mash. I don't, I don't know if you've heard my MASH hair, Jag.

Dave Damaschek (84:48)

MASH hair. I don't.

Adam Carolla (84:49)

Hair.

Dave Damaschek (84:50)

Oh, I bet I could predict it.

Adam Carolla (84:51)

Seventies, yeah. Find me, find me an old picture. No, not an old picture, a new picture of mash. Find me, find me newer pictures. Because here's the thing that's crazy about mash. You forget about. We have an old picture that's up there right now. I need the new, I need the newer cast of mash.

Dave Damaschek (85:08)

Yeah, because traffic.

Adam Carolla (85:09)

Because they. He had a full blown Jew fro. Now this isn't Vietnam, this is Korea, 1950 to 1951. You know what guys in the military look like in 1951?

Dave Damaschek (85:24)

BJ Honeycutt has a Fu Manchu, right? Yeah.

Adam Carolla (85:27)

I mean, it's nobody. This is what I've said. Carnival barkers and guys from cartoons who tied women to train tracks. Those are the only ones that had mustaches back then. Nobody had a fucking big bushy mustache. Big bushy Jew fro. Nobody fucking had that back then. In 1950, it was all pomade. And in the military especially, nobody had that right. The hair was. And taking it a step further, Hot Lips Houlahan later on with the kind of frosted gray, feathered, you know, sort of gray, fair silver Fox Fair faucet, you know, round styling brush and the blow straight out of.

Dave Damaschek (86:14)

Right, right, straight out of Tattletales. An episode of Tattletales in 1978 is exactly where you would see that no effort to try and accommodate the period in which you're doing it, which is the point. So you know, you talk about.

Adam Carolla (86:25)

That's how you know you've arrived as a sitcom, by the way, where you just go, fuck it. When. When it's. It's supposed to be 1957. But Donnie most goes, fuck it, I'm trying to get laid. I'm going to have. That's another big feather back bushy blow dried hair. And when Hot Lip Houlihan or anyone else goes, look, I ain't. It's 1977 or 1979. I'm not walking around with a buzz cut. Now they do it. Now imagine, well, Pacino does it as an actor.

Dave Damaschek (86:58)

He's like, I'm not gonna try to do anything. I'm gonna just be Al Pacino on every picture.

Adam Carolla (87:02)

Imagine Mad Men if it was filmed in 1979. Everyone just be walking around the big dry Jew fro, feathered back hair, whatever the hair was at the time. Imagine that. That's so fucking brazen.

Dave Damaschek (87:16)

That's my point.

Adam Carolla (87:17)

A goddamn picture of MASH that illustrates none exist.

Dave Damaschek (87:20)

Please. I'm sorry, Adam. None exists. But that's the point though. So everybody listen. Johnny Carson very obviously great in many ways, elegant and everything else, but you know, held up. You know, it may be a little too high a regard because the competition has now produced, you know what we talk about the worst movie that came out in aught 9. Like let's say it's Transformers 2. Definitely looks infinitely better than movies that people love and Adore from 1973. You know what I mean? MASH is not funny. Yeah, well, let's watch it. Let's watch an episode of MASH from 1981. And you tell me what laughs there are also now even bad ones. Like you can still see that there's a, you know, form the most formulaic Lamest Hill has a couple of decent jokes.

Adam Carolla (88:07)

I mean, that's how we're going. Also Big, big crazy laugh track. Kind of weird when you're out in the middle of Korea.

Dave Damaschek (88:15)

Interesting too.

Adam Carolla (88:15)

Yeah, that must have been a kind of a weird pitch, right?

Dave Damaschek (88:18)

Yeah, that's a weird one.

Adam Carolla (88:21)

We're now looking at a picture of bj. By the way, the guy's name was bj. Huge bushy mustache, long. I mean long Pork chop, sideburns, long hair. By the way, it's the fucking military. Like that wouldn't pass muster. Somebody would come in and go, no, you can't just imagine if they did Full Metal Jacket that way in 1979. Hey, I got my big Donny Most Fro up here with the clearly blow dried. Look at that.

Dave Damaschek (88:52)

Yeah, they shoot that in roughly 89. Is the.

Adam Carolla (88:54)

The.

Dave Damaschek (88:55)

The sergeant has a Nirvana T shirt right now.

Adam Carolla (88:57)

But so you do think it's Vietnam. Yeah, that's when you go back, you realize Korea was only 50 to 51. It's total insanity. So what reason to hate MASH.

Dave Damaschek (89:09)

Well, what about, though? So what about for your sitcom? You don't try to keep up with the Joneses and do everything slick and state of the art. I think you should. You should employ some of those great tactics like in old sitcoms. This is my. One of my favorite things. It's funny to think about. You never see anybody do. This is at the end of an episode there. The live audience is there and they give the. You know, they go out on the last line. And now somebody is cued the audience to applaud. Now the actors are still out on the stage as the credits start to roll, right. You know, the threes company. And now they have to act without words. Now there's no dialogue left. And so it's always Jack Tripper invariably picks up a pillow and he slaps Janet and they get into a pillow fight. I want you to do some of that.

Adam Carolla (89:53)

Yeah, do that.

Dave Damaschek (89:53)

How about that?

Adam Carolla (89:54)

Rolling. And we have to stay busy. You have to kind of pretend like we're having a good time.

Dave Damaschek (89:58)

Ma, do that all in the Family without dialogue.

Adam Carolla (90:01)

Yeah, I like that.

Dave Damaschek (90:02)

All right, that's pitch number one.

Adam Carolla (90:04)

I'll hit whatever bitch is closest to me with a throw pillow.

Dave Damaschek (90:07)

How about Mr. Roper? The best thing in the old three's companies. Mr. Roper.

Adam Carolla (90:12)

Yeah.

Dave Damaschek (90:12)

I've only seen this in that show. Never before. Never after his best dig at Mrs. Roper. Always about, like how she's ugly in some way. And so whatever his best shot was, he would suddenly break the fourth wall and he would find the camera and smile at it. And they would zoom in on him and then he would just return to the scene. That is the greatest thing.

Adam Carolla (90:32)

It's right up there again with the MASH laugh track. And I was watching Smoking the Bandit the other day, and he did the. He flashes the camera too.

Dave Damaschek (90:40)

Oh, really?

Adam Carolla (90:41)

Oh, yeah. He does a thing where he goes and he hides behind like, you Know, an outhouse or something. In his car, the cop drives right past him and doesn't see him. He starts to pull away and he stops and he slowly turns out and gives the camera the not bad, huh? And then takes off again. And it's just gotta be a weird thing. Like, I gotta be honest, if I was around when they were filming that and Hal Needham was the director, I'd say, you know what, here's what my argument would be. It could distract everybody. On the other hand, no one's going to miss it if it's not there. No one's not like, hey, why didn't Burt break down the fourth wall right there? I feel empty inside. No one's ever going to say that, so let's just play it safe and not do it. But they would do crazy fucking things like that. Speaking of crazy fucking things, I should mention we're going to be at the Irvine Improv doing a live show tomorrow night. First show sold out. Second show, tickets still available. Donnie, if you can hear me, I can't remember who all is on the Bill Irvine show, but it's going to be a pretty good. It's going to be a pretty good lineup.

Dave Damaschek (91:51)

You already established at the start of the show that the wheeze doesn't listen to anything you do, including this podcast doing other stuff.

Adam Carolla (91:58)

Dave, listen, to defend myself at the top of the show, I was here till about 7:30, then I went home, got on the computer, was working on the PowerPoint, going through.

Dave Damaschek (92:08)

You were here until 7:30 at night? Yeah, I got out early.

Adam Carolla (92:11)

This is ungodly. I got out early. Let's see who's going to be on the second show? Sorry, I'll tell you now, now, Donnie, but here's the question. How about, how about the appearance on Leno I did a week ago Monday? So it's been over a week. I can't remember everything. I can't remember. But 24 7, all I hear is your voice in my head. All right, but. And no, that's my problem since I've started this podcast, Dave, I don't smoke weed anymore. All right? But I've had this bag of weed for three months. I can't finish. Just. Just to make sure we're clear. Yes, you didn't see the most recent appearance because you're slammed. Yes, but the one that's been. That's over a week old. I was still slammed, so. But I don't go to bed till 12 o' clock in the morning. Seen it in the Subsequent week in the weekend that has come around. No, my wife probably t voted. It's sitting on our tv. And the one before that. No. Okay, so biggest fan. Listen, next.

Dave Damaschek (93:16)

I'm saying. I'm just saying.

Adam Carolla (93:17)

I have heard your voice in more material. All right, listen, Giovanni, say your. I go to bed and all I hear hear. I don't. My wife and kids voice.

Dave Damaschek (93:25)

I hear your voice.

Adam Carolla (93:26)

I'm trying to. But here's all I'm saying to you. Say you're my 125th biggest fan. Or maybe it's. Maybe it's in the thousands. But don't say, hey, every time we get an argument, you go, you know, I'm your biggest fan.

Dave Damaschek (93:40)

All right, I'll start. I'll switch it to.

Adam Carolla (93:42)

I've heard more material than anybody else Say. You've had an asshole of it. That's fine.

Dave Damaschek (93:47)

By the way, the Wheeze has beat DJ Honeycutt's mustache, doesn't he? Yeah.

Adam Carolla (93:51)

Sideburn. Yeah. If they ever heard Korean War sitcom, you can start it.

Dave Damaschek (93:55)

Nice lineup for the Irvine.

Adam Carolla (93:57)

Yeah. Aisha Tyler. Representative Richard Martin, who's unbelievable. Whitney Cummings, who's hot and funny. Mark McGrath. Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be there. So first show sold out. Second show still tickets available. Quickly. Dave Damaschek. Where can people find you?

Dave Damaschek (94:15)

Listen, let's not talk. I've been talking to your boss, the Wheeze. I'd love to. I really have gotten tons of letters about this, and people mention it all the time about me doing something for this network you're building here. I would love nothing more. So perhaps someday we do.

Adam Carolla (94:33)

People love you. People love you on this show.

Dave Damaschek (94:35)

And hate me.

Adam Carolla (94:36)

And hate me. Oh, yeah.

Dave Damaschek (94:37)

No, but yeah, I'd love to.

Adam Carolla (94:38)

Donnie, this is your biggest fan.

Dave Damaschek (94:42)

That, unlike you, that is probably true because he's only in competition with Mo Damic. It's a shorter list he has to compete with.

Adam Carolla (94:49)

All right, so hopefully we will make this happen and Dave Damaschek will join our humble network very soon.

Dave Damaschek (94:57)

I've been. Because I've been doing the accuscore and it's great, but I have to drive down to LAX twice a week. And it's. I'm not to be a prima donna, but just the schedule. You know, I'm making pages and at the Kimmel show and stuff. It's a lot to do, but this is around the corner. It'd be great to do something. But thank you, Ace, because at the most recent football Sunday, watching those playoff games, you brought Hoggly woggly, the delicious ribs. What a feast.

Adam Carolla (95:21)

Well, we should only do a minute and a half on this, but it was a weird thing where we talked about it. Jimmy's a hard guy to buy presents for. He's the most thoughtful guy in the world when it comes to buying press. He comes up with something. You know, here's what we all want out of buying a gift. We don't want to burn too many calories or too many dollars. Let's be honest. So we all want to just buy someone a bottle, a nice boo.

Dave Damaschek (95:45)

You want to buy cases of wine and just put a bow on every one of them and hand them out?

Adam Carolla (95:50)

I'd like to wipe my ass with them and hand them out, but yes.

Dave Damaschek (95:53)

I don't know why you would do that.

Adam Carolla (95:55)

It's the way I roll. Yes, I would like to buy one case of two buck Chuck and have my assistant put a bow on everyone and just hand it out to everyone. I know. That's. That's what I would like to do. Jimmy is on the Internet, scouring things, finding things that are, I mean, funny, thought provoking, interesting, provocative, like it's insane how many calories he's given me.

Dave Damaschek (96:20)

Just as an example, I'm a Steelers fan. He's giv. I've opened up present before. Oh, my goodness. It's a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey. An official jersey. I turn it over. Number 22. Wait, 22. Oh, gay. William Gay, the quarterback. So now I have a Steeler jersey that says gay. That says gay over. Yeah, that's the sort of gifts he gives.

Adam Carolla (96:39)

And, and, and, and. But not always. Not always. Just novelty, right?

Dave Damaschek (96:43)

No, great gifts.

Adam Carolla (96:44)

Yeah, great gifts. So I have to get him a gift and, and I, A, I don't know. I'm insensitive and I don't know what to do. And B, he has, you know, someone says, oh, Bo, get him something for the kitchen, please. You've seen the guy's kitchen. Is there anything you could get him for that kitchen that he doesn't. That he either doesn't have or didn't think about having and decided he didn't want. Then someone says, oh, well, get him a gift certificate for massage or something, you know, that's going to sit in his desk drawer for 200 years. Right? What do you get the guy? So I say, I will cater with one of the best rib joints I know. I will cater one football Sunday and free you up to do other things, which is cook for other people anyway. But either way, I will handle this. So Sunday was the day. So when I walked in, it was funny because I was trying to. You don't know if nine people are going to be there and 99 people are going to be there. But Jimmy said, figure about 15. So I walked in and there was like nine people. And it was the core, it was the group, just the inner sanctum, you know, the henches and the damage acts. It's just. It was just a core was in there. So I said, oh, this is good, this is good because I don't want to buy ribs for some stranger, by the way, who decides to pop in and I'll get the core. And by the way, more ribs for us. Cuz I ordered for 15. No sooner did I announce that than people just started pouring in through the front door. And the largest group of strangers we've ever had, arguably at any Kimmel Sunday football.

Dave Damaschek (98:09)

There were two guys there who nobody had any idea and never interacted with anybody.

Adam Carolla (98:13)

Have you ever seen those two guys in your life?

Dave Damaschek (98:15)

They were a weird. They were like 23. It was like, who are these guys?

Adam Carolla (98:18)

And men and women of all shapes and sizes and ages pouring through the door. But has there ever been a higher look? Normally it's, you know, every single guy's dossier in that room. Right?

Dave Damaschek (98:30)

Well, not you, because you don't talk to people.

Adam Carolla (98:32)

But if I did. But. But if they're right. But maybe there's one straggler, is a friend of a friend or something.

Dave Damaschek (98:37)

Sure.

Adam Carolla (98:37)

That time when I decide to just shell out 300 bucks for ribs.

Dave Damaschek (98:41)

Ribs.

Adam Carolla (98:41)

Half the people that are eating the ribs are people I've never seen before and I'll never see again. It felt awesome, by the way.

Dave Damaschek (98:48)

Just very quickly, isn't it a weird gift? You say you're insensitive. If Jimmy's greatest passion is cooking for everybody, didn't you deprive him of that passion by bringing the ribs and therefore not a good gift.

Adam Carolla (98:58)

I said, pick your day. Because I knew there would be a day when he was in fact cooking or prepping to cook for dinner that night. So I said, pick the day you want. And that's the day he picks.

Dave Damaschek (99:12)

I'm giving myself a gift next Christmas. I'm going to buy Adam Carolla an airline ticket and myself one too. And I'm gonna buy a jumbo sized bag of Doritos and I'm gonna have the time of my life when Adam gives me the business.

Adam Carolla (99:24)

Dave Damaschek. Hopefully he'll be. His voice will be heard on this network more frequently. We'll work that out in the near future. And until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dave Damaschek saying mahalo.

Podcast Narrator (99:41)

All right, that's Adam Carolla Show 235. That does it. This weekend's Corolla Classics. Until next weekend, mahalo and get it on.

Adam Carolla (100:00)

Sa.