Dean Devlin + Phillip Keene (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Dean Devlin + Phillip Keene (Carolla Classics)

Date: October 24, 2025
Podcast: Carolla Digital / PodcastOne
Guests: Dean Devlin, Phillip Keene, Joe Coy, Gina Grad, Brian Bishop, Ray Oldhoffer

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Episode Overview

In this Carolla Classics episode, Adam and the team revisit memorable segments from 2015 and 2014, featuring interviews with film producer Dean Devlin ("Independence Day," "Leverage," "The Librarians") and actor Phillip Keene ("Major Crimes"). The panel dives into classic Carolla rants and wide-ranging discussions about social hygiene, absurd airline etiquette, the zombie craze, fame, and personal histories. Notable guests like Nate Burleson and Joe Coy join the banter, in an episode marked by sharp, comedic insights and unfiltered group dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Smokers, Spitting, and Office Etiquette

• (01:27–09:31) Adam, Brian Bishop, Joe Coy, and Gina Grad rail on the habit of coworkers spitting loogies by the office entrance, with special criticism for “Dawson.”
  • Adam compares societal attitudes toward smokers to those toward “deadbeats,” arguing that smokers are often unfairly marginalized:

    “A deadbeat dad is a couple rungs higher on the social ladder than a smoker... Some registered sex offenders look down on you.” (02:11 – Adam Carolla)

  • Graphic accounts of finding Dawson’s “throat oysters,” leading to a debate on personal hygiene and the boundaries of acceptable behavior at work.

2. Soap, Hygiene, and “Gross” Social Constructs

• (10:38–16:22) Adam and Brian discuss their views on soap, hand sanitizer, and the role of science vs. societal “feelings.”
  • Brian proudly proclaims his “no soap” approach, using only water except for armpits and groin:

    “I just rinse. Everyone wants to know why I’m such a gross pig.” (11:56 – Brian Bishop)

  • Examination of a Today Show clip advocating minimal soap use, with Adam critiquing how media and uninformed panelists ("ditzy 27-year-olds with a bob") dilute legitimate science.

3. Booster Seats, Car Safety, and Societal Compliance

• (16:31–18:32) Adam bristles at overzealous child safety laws like booster seats, citing studies calling their necessity into question beyond a certain age.
  • “Experts, experts, experts. ... There’ll be a full fresh argument with me and society.” (17:28 – Adam Carolla)

4. Natural Body Odors and Cultural Norms

• (26:00–29:41) Lively, sometimes crude, discussion about body odor, pheromones, and attractiveness, culminating in anecdotes about Joe Coy’s encounters with fans.

5. Reclining Airplane Seats and Air Travel Meltdowns

• (82:25–89:15) The infamous in-flight choking incident:
  • Adam and Brian deconstruct a Southwest flight forced to return after a man allegedly choked a woman for reclining her seat.
  • Adam argues passengers should accept minor discomforts in exchange for cheap travel, reserving sympathy for neither party:

    “You’re paying $81 to go on a journey that used to kill people. Can you please just sit there and eat your fucking honey roasted peanuts?” (83:21 – Adam Carolla)

  • The group critiques airline overreactions, with Adam quipping about pilots' trigger-happy approach to "turning the plane around."

6. NFL Highlight Spoilers and Broadcast Annoyances

• (31:40–38:10; 59:04–62:51) Adam laments highlight shows spoiling game scores before showing the action.
  • Guest Nate Burleson (NFL Network) calls in to explain the producer’s perspective, acknowledging Adam’s frustration:

    “Nobody told you to wait until the day after to get caught up... but just because it’s you, Adam, I’ll put in a word for you.” (59:41 – Nate Burleson)

7. Dean Devlin on Hollywood, High School, and 'Independence Day'

• (63:04–76:33) Dean Devlin recounts his beginnings, including a now-legendary prank—ripping off a teacher’s toupee during high school.
  • Discussion of the melting pot at North Hollywood High, and how legacy, opportunity, and luck shaped his path.
• (79:35–110:11) Dean discusses working for Al Pacino, producing “Independence Day,” and the challenge of diverse casting:
  • He pushed to cast Will Smith, despite warnings it would hurt overseas box office:

    “We were told, ‘You'll kill the foreign on this if you put a black guy in the movie.’ ... We just kept fighting for him.” (107:49 – Dean Devlin)

8. Phillip Keene: Airline Stories, Marriage, and Acting

• (152:00–160:39) Keene, a veteran Pan Am flight purser and “Major Crimes” actor, shares airline horror stories and the changes in air travel.
  • Discusses marrying series creator James Duff, and the delicate balance of working with his spouse in Hollywood.

9. Societal Problems: Parenting, Personal Responsibility, and Eugenics

• (165:11–174:22) The group debates why some athletes (e.g., Adrian Peterson) have multiple out-of-wedlock children, pointing to cycles of poverty, lack of future-planning, and cultural inheritance.
  • Discussion veers toward social solutions for generational dysfunction, with Adam’s trademark mix of cynicism and hope.

10. Zombie Obsession and Escapism in Adult Culture

• (117:18–128:56) Adam and the team dissect why zombie shows (like "The Walking Dead") and apocalyptic tales so deeply fascinate American adults.
  • Philip Keene laments the grim future presented to kids by entertainment.
  • Ray Oldhoffer offers, “Zombies represent aging.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Adam Carolla on society’s priorities:

  “Wouldn’t you rather my grandpa kick off a massive coronary than hang on to 93 and cost the system millions?... So yes, I like smokers because they smoke and then they die.” (10:13–10:39)

• On societal health trends:

  “Eat some dirt and get some immunity. I never get sick ever. And I don’t take care of myself.” (16:33 – Adam Carolla)

• On science vs. feelings:

  “The whole reason Procter & Gamble makes $200 billion a year is because you ditzballs ‘feel’ a certain way. Could we just listen to the guy you would never fuck in high school—the scientist?” (15:32 – Adam Carolla)

• Joe Coy on attractiveness:

  “Your phlegm is what cleans your mouth. His spit is what’s cleaning his asshole... It’s coming from his asshole!” (07:15–07:22)

• Dean Devlin on career rebellion:

  “He pissed me off. I grabbed his toupee, I threw it out the window, walked to my counselor and said, I’m out.” (66:30–66:54)

• Adam on travel inconvenience:

  “You can't get overserved on a 55-minute flight where you get one light beer and then they're landing and wrestling.” (84:54)

• Dean on Hollywood’s biases:

  “I was told you'll kill the foreign if you put a black guy in... We just kept fighting for [Will Smith]... Bad Boys came out and that finally convinced them.” (107:49–108:26)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:27–09:31: Office smoker/loogie rant
• 10:38–16:22: Soap and hygiene science vs. “feelings” debate
• 31:40–38:10, 59:04–62:51: NFL highlight spoilers/producer chat with Nate Burleson
• 63:04–76:33: Dean Devlin high school stories and entry to Hollywood
• 79:35–110:11: Hollywood stories, Independence Day, casting Will Smith
• 82:25–89:15: Airline in-flight choking/reclining seat debacle
• 117:18–128:56: The zombie phenomenon explained
• 152:00–160:39: Phillip Keene’s airline, acting, and marriage stories
• 165:11–174:22: Out-of-wedlock children, cycles of dysfunction, eugenics

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Overall Tone & Experience

• The episode bristles with Adam’s signature blend of biting wit, nostalgia, and no-nonsense social critique. Guest segments (especially with Dean Devlin and Phillip Keene) provide depth and Hollywood insight while the panel often veers into raw, hysterically honest territory. Listeners can expect classic Carolla tangents, recurring themes of personal responsibility vs. societal laziness, and raucous banter, all filtered through candid, “un-PC” humor.

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Best For

• Fans of classic Adam Carolla Show rants on everyday absurdities
• Listeners interested in old-school Hollywood stories
• Anyone who enjoys sharp social commentary mixed with crude, philosophical humor
• Those wanting a behind-the-scenes look at film production, comedy, and American culture

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“You don't have to give in to all the things that sort of prey upon your fill-in-the-blank. Like you don't have to go there with everything, you understand?” (128:34 – Adam Carolla)

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

The questions start early.

[Brian Bishop]

How do I know when he's full? Do babies hold grudges?

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we make one formula that feels right right away, backed by breastmilk science and built for babies, brains, bellies and beyond. Learn [e-mail].

[Gina Grad]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, super fan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play.

[Brian Bishop]

The best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of.

[Gina Grad]

The Adam Corolla show. We have a dedicated podcast feed just.

[Brian Bishop]

For Corolla Classics available through podcast one.

[Gina Grad]

Sign up and get access to the commercial free archives. If you'd like to find ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, the Advent Dr. Drew show, or exclusive access.

[Brian Bishop]

To the brand new podcast Beat it.

[Gina Grad]

Out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcorla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsoundprolo. Com. Now onto the clips. Coming up first we have Adam Kroll Show 1684, featuring producing juggernaut Dean Devlin along with Nate Berthelson, Joe Coy, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop from 2015.

[Brian Bishop]

Creeping up on year seven. Why we're able to have all these employees and all this air conditioning, all because of you telling people about the show. Good day, Gina Grad. Good day to you, Handball. Brian. Shut the fuck up, you old witch. That was off the air.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that was my mistake.

[Brian Bishop]

I apologize. Joe Coy.

[Joe Coy]

Hello, sir.

[Brian Bishop]

Chris, it's still a little hot in the headphones, but Dawson is out. Probably he's sick today. Later, husband. I hope everyone's sitting down, but when I walked outside, the thing about. Here's my thing about smokers. I do not mind smokers. As a matter of fact, I find myself championing the cause. Championing the cause of smokers because I look at them as a sort of marginalized. They're like a metaphor, at least for California. Yeah, like I will vouch for everything you've just said. They just get the shit kicked out of them all. They're demonized. And again, and I'm not using hyperbole here, just in the eyes of society, a deadbeat dad is a couple rungs higher on the social ladder than a smoker. We have created. We've successfully forged a society where if you smoke, you're down. You're not quite child molester, but you're closer to child molester and the deadbeat dads can look down upon you.

[Adam Carolla]

I think there's probably a few Registered sex offenders that look down on you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's my bad. As a society, we in generally, at least in California frown upon smokers more than we frown upon folks that cheat. You know, okay, if you built the welfare system or you're claiming disability and you're out riding mechanical bulls all night, not quite as bad. Or you just literally do not feed your own children. Not as bad as somebody who smokes, right? Yeah. Okay, so that's where we're at. So I generally take the side of smokers. I like them smoking. The problem with smokers, we have a few here. I love to ingest marijuana laced food. They smoke right before the show starts. Yeah, you have to smoke. If you smoke, you're not going to get a chance for two hours.

[Joe Coy]

And they're have, they have their little fucking area by the door.

[Dean Devlin]

Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. I hate it. Okay.

[Joe Coy]

I'm just, I'm venting right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, let's start.

[Joe Coy]

There's two of them and they do it all the fucking time right there. You open the car door and there's shitty smoke goes into your car.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my bad. Let's talk about the movement of the smoking place because it is right by the front door.

[Adam Carolla]

And so it is the front door.

[Brian Bishop]

The problem is, is because the smokers need to smoke moments before the show starts. Unfortunately. It's horrible timing because it's always seven minutes before the show or four minutes before the show starts where I say I need to talk to Dawson about pulling some songs. He's not in the building or I would need to talk to Gary about whatever. He's out front. So the smoking, the smoking is fine. It's just the timing of the smoking that, that, that bothers me. But I went out yesterday to go find Dawson, Dawson sitting by the front door smoking. He was mid loogie hawk when I walked out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But I did notice a nice fresh green oyster directly in front of him. Where Max Pata, where you pulled your car in today, when you open your driver side door, that's what you would be tracking into my fucking warehouse. Now the great thing about Dawson is a long discussion was had with him about hawking loogies. Not that you would ever think you would have to talk to an adult human being. Not that you would ever think that you would have to say to an adult human being. Please do not hawk hawk your fucking throat oysters directly in front of where people walk into my building when there is a vouch for everything. You've just. There's a 60 foot shrub that is four and a half feet, eight feet on the outside away from where you sit that you can happily hawk said loogie into. But yet you hawk them in front of you. Yeah, because you literally don't feel like turning your head or standing up and.

[Joe Coy]

Hawking just to the.

[Brian Bishop]

Literally just turn and hawk. So it was a couple of years ago where he sprayed it out. He put all his fucking daisy cutters out in front in a sort of half circle. It's what you would do. It's like a barrier in a movie.

[Gina Grad]

The outline where the door opens wasn't hit people. It's the.

[Joe Coy]

It's like. What's his name? From a WKRP that had the imaginary lines.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. I mean, no, he's making a loop. I don't know.

[Joe Coy]

Venus fly trap.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Herb Nessman.

[Joe Coy]

No, not her, the other one. Come on, Brian. The one that made the imaginary lines for his office.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. I don't remember that part. No. It's what you would do if you're making a movie with Liam Neeson where there were some wolves out there and they're coming for you and you had to make camp that night. Somebody would be in charge of putting the burning stakes out on the perimeter. Like, you wouldn't put them right next to each other. You'd spread them out about eight feet apart. But you make that perimeter of fire so they couldn't. That's what he did with flam.

[Joe Coy]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

So I then Gnarly explained to him, dawson, you can't hawk all your loogies. And by the way, these are. These are premium. I've been smoking. These are premium since the fifth grade.

[Joe Coy]

Loogies.

[Brian Bishop]

I've seen them.

[Adam Carolla]

They had a little bit of lung in it.

[Joe Coy]

You know what? When he hawks it, a little bit's coming from his asshole. It's that deep. The compression is from, like, the top of his intestine.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a weapon.

[Joe Coy]

And it comes right up his mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

My loogie is basically foam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's what flies out of my mouth when I'm angry and yelling. It's like I go, I could. And a bunch of spittle with some foam in it.

[Joe Coy]

Your phlegm is what cleans your mouth. His spit is what's cleaning his asshole.

[Brian Bishop]

Gnarly.

[Joe Coy]

It's coming. This is asshole.

[Brian Bishop]

This is. This is an oyster mixed with Silly Putty that's green and it's thrown out in front. And I said, dawson, people are going to walk through this, and not only is it going to Be on their shoes. And the one thing I'm surprised about in life that people generally agree on me with. I would rather be peed on than loogied. Oh, my God. The loogies. Is a fucking. That is a throat load that is like getting jizzed on by a dude. Like, that gets caught in your fucking hairs of your. Of your shins, and that doesn't.

[Gina Grad]

Peanut butter.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the. The piss. I can hose off.

[Joe Coy]

You can hose that off. You can't hose spit off.

[Brian Bishop]

I had to have an explanation or discussion that I didn't think I'd ever have to have with another fellow human being or.

[Philip Keane]

And.

[Brian Bishop]

Or adult, which is, do not hawk all your loogies in a circle in front of the door of my business. Please. Hawk them in the bush in the hedge. Adam Carolla is the douchiest douche that ever douched. And when I walked out yesterday, he was right back out in front of him. Now, he wasn't doing the full half circle. He was just hawking it in front of him. And there was a nice green. No, he was mid hawk when I walked out, but there was a nice green example from 30 seconds earlier that was occupying where Chris would be stepping. He stepped out of the car.

[Gina Grad]

I thought he was just trying to keep the ants out.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Organic. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a kind of a narcissism that can never be explained to this podcaster. But either way, I said to him, please get up and spit. I'm not telling you not to spit. I'm just telling you where not to spit. Aim for the shrub.

[Joe Coy]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, well.

[Adam Carolla]

And the other day, I was just buzzing around back here, and I heard a noise, a terrifying noise, and I ran into Matt Fondelier's room. I said, matt, somebody's either throwing up or being choked to death outside. And he goes, what? I go, come there. Horrible happening outside. He's like, oh, that's Dawson coughing. That's a really intense cough.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't mind that. I don't mind the looting. I don't mind anything. It's only about where you choose to do it. Yeah. Directly in front of the door after being brought up, discussed in quite. Quite astonishing, grotesque detail. And not very long ago, it's not like, well, you brought that up when I was nine. No, I brought that up when you're 41. Now you're 43.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Dawson's 43.

[Brian Bishop]

How's that? I have no idea. How's that work? I don't know how that part Works.

[Gina Grad]

Don't know. Okay, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, ask. No insights when he's on the map.

[Joe Coy]

What annoys you more about the smokers? The fact that they smoke?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Joe Coy]

Or the fact that it's a routine.

[Brian Bishop]

Smokers are in a scheduled.

[Dean Devlin]

Routine.

[Brian Bishop]

Smokers after dinner.

[Joe Coy]

Smoke.

[Brian Bishop]

Smokers win wars. Yeah, they do. They win more. They're fucking it. They're achievers. And this whole thing, one of the many things I've been yelling about my whole life is why Rob Reiner are they such a burden on the medical system when they. The first thing out of your mouth is they don't see their 65th birthday. The next thing out of your mouth is there's such a burden on the medical system. As far as I know, the emphysema and the lung cancer and all that stuff, you die as fast as you can die with that. Whereas my grandpappy hung on till 93, my grandmother hung on to 92, and they went back and forth to Cedar Sinai for the last 20 years of their lives costing millions of dollars. So wouldn't you rather my grandpa kick off a massive coronary, use any kind.

[Gina Grad]

Of decent human being?

[Brian Bishop]

It would have been nice. It had a little something called dignity. So, yes, I like smokers because they smoke and then they die, but I just don't like the looging part of the smoking. All right, that's one of the things I said. The other thing that I've been saying, I wish someone was here. You know, Gina, you know, we don't go back that far. But Brian, my entire life, don't use soap. Everyone grosses out, right?

[Gina Grad]

I don't use shampoo as long as I've known you.

[Brian Bishop]

Gross out, Gross out. And I keep saying, why we change the floor and the fauna of what's on us skin when they do. And I'm going to show you a clip. Someone tweeted me from the Today show. But if your skin is the great biggest organ in your body, as they say, the biggest organ is your skin, and they're starting to get in all this probiotic stuff and like, you're killing the flora and fauna inside of you, and then all the antibiotics and all the repercussions of what's happening inside you, well, if your biggest organ is your skin and you're scrubbing it with Purell every night, aren't you fucking with the flora and the fauna on the skin?

[Gina Grad]

You would think that our skin, to the first however many millions of years of human evolution has developed ways to clean itself, shed itself, keep itself going Obviously, people have skin conditions, but I imagine that's than 1% of the population.

[Brian Bishop]

I get labeled gross every time I go. I just rinse. But everyone wants to know why I'm such a gross pig every time. And when this whole Purell thing kicked off, I was not on board with it. Never have been on board with it.

[Joe Coy]

What do you mean by rinse, though? Is it just water or like.

[Brian Bishop]

Just water.

[Joe Coy]

So no soap at all?

[Brian Bishop]

I'll use it in the nether regions.

[Philip Keane]

In the pits?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, yes.

[Gina Grad]

Pits in the crack. The pits of. You know, he takes a horse. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Oh, horseback.

[Gina Grad]

The crevices.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Any place. If you were sitting down and eating peanuts, any place those peanuts would get stuck. That's how I know where to clean. All right, let's play a little clip from this morning. You folks at home about to take your morning shower? Don't leave the room just yet because we may have a time saver for you.

[Dean Devlin]

Are you ready?

[Brian Bishop]

You don't have to shower with soap. What? That's right. A doctor tells all to Time magazine.

[Gina Grad]

Apparently lathering your skin with soap is.

[Brian Bishop]

Stripping you away of good bacteria. It makes you prone to acne and eczema. They say. Yes. Isn't it antibacterial soap?

[Joe Coy]

The regular soap?

[Brian Bishop]

I said, any soaps in this article? They're saying you should not wash your.

[Gary]

Whole body with soap.

[Brian Bishop]

Only two spots. Savannah. No, you say it. I mean, I'm not gonna say that word. Armpits and ow. Your private parts.

[Gina Grad]

Your private parts. That's right. Those are the only two places you should actually use that difficult of a word to say.

[Gary]

Be generous.

[Brian Bishop]

And the worst thing you can do is hand sanitizer. By the way, I love that you underneath that there should be, like a graphic. It's like, I don't believe this. I don't believe.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

No, no.

[Brian Bishop]

I actually do not listen to someone like arms and legs.

[Gary]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Even after working out and a sweat, they say no.

[Brian Bishop]

They say, actually you can just rinse the perspiration away. Except in those two places. I think the good bacteria stinks a little.

[Adam Carolla]

So I think a little soap can.

[Gary]

All right.

[Joe Coy]

I just think it really stinks.

[Brian Bishop]

Look at the last 10 seconds. One more time. Hey, he just got done telling you what the scientist said. Yeah. She caps the whole segment with, I think, a little soapy. All right, so if we. If someone just said asbestos is bad for your kid. I think a dusting. A dusting of it's not going to kill.

[Gina Grad]

It keeps us nice and warm. At night.

[Brian Bishop]

Not going to kill him. Hey, there's lead in that paint. How much? Or do you just sit there horrified?

[Gina Grad]

It's a brilliant shade of green, so it really shouldn't take.

[Brian Bishop]

I've been fighting this my entire adult fucking life. Which is when I say I don't use soap. I don't think it's a good idea. I don't. I'm not in with all the purelling. I'm not in with all the scrubbing. I'm not in with all the shampooing. Okay, grosso. Have fun over there with Pig Pen from the Peanuts cartoon. And then even in the face of. Here's what the scientists say. Ditzy 27 year old with the Bob says I think a little bit fine. Right. Would they say that about any other substance? Where scientists say, this is why I could never get any traction with my argument. I didn't have any science. I just had my crystal brain. But even in the face of science. We'll play the last 15 seconds here. 10 say, actually you can just rinse the perspiration away. Except in those two places.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the good bacteria stinks a little.

[Brian Bishop]

So I think a little soap. Nothing wrong with soap. Yeah. All right. Al Roker finishes. The weatherman finishes it off with nothing wrong with soap. All right, lesson learned.

[Gina Grad]

We accomplished a lot here.

[Brian Bishop]

So beginning starts with you don't need soap. The doctor says you could be rinsing away bacteria that you do need. Last word we just talked about. Yeah. All right, so let's just do that with child seats and airbags and isis.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Dean Devlin]

Should we do that?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Fucking idiots. And the chick who by the way, probably doesn't have a background in science. Yeah. But I do feel, by the way, who the fuck cares what you feel about fucking your hair? Your head is filled with styrofoam packing peanuts. So we don't care what you feel. The whole reason we're using, the whole reason Procter and Gamble makes $200 billion a year is because you ditzballs feel a certain way. Could we just listen to the guy who you would never fuck in high school, meaning the scientist who has got to actually crunch data. We get a 27 year old with no education. Feels a little soap. I feel like the. I feel like the bacteria that does have a bad smell. A little salt one. All right, let's go with some. You know what, let's just shower. The fuck is. What do we. Why are we having a segment and shut the fuck up. Al Roker. Don't finish with a little soap spine.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I say it all the time, but it must be really hard to be you, to have people tweet you things just to enrage you. Like, most people's tweets are like, hey, did you see this? Or this is a compliment. No, no, this is to upset you.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me explain.

[Gina Grad]

This is designed to be.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me explain. Where the pain kicks in for me. Where the pain kicks in for me is the fresh sheet of paper for every argument. So, yes, I've said fuck Purell. I'm not down with that. I'm not down with rubbing chemicals on my hands. Starting in 2008, it's killing things. We don't know what the repercussions are. And my whole thing is eat some dirt and get some immunity and, hello, I never get sick ever. And I don't take care of myself. So. All right, but we have to have an argument about it. We have to have an argument about the helmet. What about the helmet? What about the corrective helmet on Sunday? What about this? What about that? They're finding out that these stupid booster seats that jack them up in the back seat when they're four years old that get their ass three and a half inches off. Dangerous. Don't need them. When I had them, they were wider than the seatbelt. So it's like when you took the seatbelt and you're trying to buckle the seat belt. The seat, the booster seat was hanging over the female side of it, and you couldn't. You'd have to wrestle with it. And I kept saying, what do we need? We gotta have to have the booster seats until they're £81 or they're 14 years old. And I'm like, or what? Or they just sit in the back of the car with a thousand airbags tucked down lower, by the way, in a safer position with a fucking seatbelt around. But no, it's like, argue, argue, argue. Experts, experts, experts. Fine. I don't mind this part. I really don't mind this part. Here's what I. When the next thing comes around, there'll be a full fresh argument with me and society. Well, Adam, that's your opinion. No, that's the guy who's right about everything's opinion about every new fucking piece of shit that comes down the highway. So how about just a version of, well, you're right about the last 118 things. Maybe you'll be right about the 119th. That's the part that just pisses me off.

[Gina Grad]

I was listening to A recent episode of Freakonomics, the podcast, and they addressed. They mentioned that there was a study done about car seats, booster seats. And after a certain. After a certain age, a certain weight, it turns out they make almost no difference in terms of, like, fatalities and car crashes.

[Adam Carolla]

You would be shunned by society.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, exactly. It's for babies, obviously. It's one thing. But if you're like a small child, like, you can probably just sit with your seatbelt.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you go from the child's seat, and then you go to this booster seat, and that's what happens. Anyway. There you go.

[Gina Grad]

Mentioned that.

[Brian Bishop]

But even when he's saying it, it's being nullified by the chick. And the dudes are going a little bit. Little bit sub spot.

[Adam Carolla]

I have to ask you this because I've been wondering this for a while, and now that I know you don't use soap, I'm extra curious. And I assume that includes your face.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Were you ever, like, super into facials, like, at the spa?

[Gary]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

You must really know Adam here.

[Adam Carolla]

This is why I asked.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I mean, super. Did I hear a duper, or was that just super?

[Adam Carolla]

Couple of dupers.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, here's the only reason I ask. Because your skin is always very glowy. And I always think, okay, well, if he wants to go get a facial, that's his business. But if you're really not doing it, I'm actually kind of surprised. And not in an ask his rodeo kind of way. I'm actually a little bit surprised.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank, thank, thank, thank you. The bottom is his skin is mostly 99.9% hereditary, just like everything else is. So don't ask a guy where he got his beautifully sculpted calves. That's just him.

[Gina Grad]

Stop asking everyone. I see your tweets.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? And don't ask him where he got his alabaster skin, either. That's just he or she. But what I do know is, like, when I was in high school, it's like, oh, you got bad. You got bad acne. You better scrub. You better get that clear cell. They make a new scrub now, and you put it on a loofah, and you take the loofah and you roll it in creamy peanut butter. And then you broke it up. You roll it and broken up walnut shells. And then you go at it. Go at it hard. You're not scrubbing. And then there was this one. Are you eating chocolate?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's a big one.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Are you eating pizza? Greasy foods.

[Brian Bishop]

Greasy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Eating, like, a taquito. Or something like that. If you had Taquito and a Hershey Kiss, you better take that fucking loofah and scrub the shit out of it. All you're doing is exasperate. First off, after didn't work for the first 10,000 teens with bad skin. Why did we keep going back to that one?

[Joe Coy]

Weird. Because it never worked for me.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Joe Coy]

I used Oxy 10 all the time. And the one with the color of your skin tone. Oh, yeah, they had the brown color.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe.

[Joe Coy]

It's makeup never fucking worked. The zit got bigger.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's the thing, because a lot of dudes especially would just pour rubbing alcohol on, like, a tissue.

[Brian Bishop]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's. It's so bad for your skin.

[Joe Coy]

So let me. Let me ask you quick questions. Now that we're on this. My doctor, my dentist did my teeth. He goes, stop using Listerine. He goes, stop putting that shit in your mouth. You're just killing all the good bacteria that's in your mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Joe Coy]

And he invented. I thought he was just pushing his own product because he. He made his own mouthwash. And he goes, it's got. He's got dead sea salt, some mints, and stuff for flavor. But he goes, but this is so much better for your mouth. Healthier.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I can imagine.

[Joe Coy]

And then I was like. I thought in my head, I'm like, yeah. When I was a kid, I remember my mom going, wash your mouth out.

[Dean Devlin]

With warm salt water.

[Joe Coy]

Like, that was something that her mom taught. And it was like, where did we go away from that to where someone said, no, you need a chemical in your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Salt water didn't make any money.

[Brian Bishop]

We worked it out perfectly, which is all these companies focus on women. Women are easily grossed out. So if you're not doing this, then you're labeled gross. Because for me, it's been 20 years of telling people, I just rinsed. That's met with a collective, ew, yuck. And because guys want to fuck, we try to remove the yuck. We don't care. Look, if you guys said, I'll only suck your cock if it was rolled in fecal jimmies, we would then do that. But what we hear is, oh, I don't use shampoo. Oh, that's gross. Well, when we hear, oh, that's gross, and our only mission in life is to fuck you, then we go, shampoo, here we come. And that's the way it's work. So what they do is they find women. They find women. By the way, every single one of these first is Is is they're all spearheaded toward mothers, mother's baby skin, little baby. I want to be a good mom. So they show the little baby and they show them rubbing the Johnson and Johnson and John moisturizer. All the stuff starts with the babies and that's what good moms do. And then they do. Then they get the mom, they get. The kid gets hooked good and proper.

[Dean Devlin]

Proper.

[Brian Bishop]

And they're like the florist in the town. They get hooked. They get hooked on this shit. And now they're getting moisturized all over the place. And now they need their food fix of moisture in the town. They get them hooked, hooked up, good.

[Joe Coy]

And proper baby to die. So they need to put the alcohol thing on the hands.

[Brian Bishop]

And then what they do, which is genius because it works great on chicks, is they make it smell kind of good. And that's. And we're all. Chicks are in. They smell something, smells good, they're into it.

[Gina Grad]

Night jasmine.

[Brian Bishop]

They're fucking just.

[Joe Coy]

We're pomegranate.

[Brian Bishop]

They're so like.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah, you know, you're right. But also from a practical perspective. Christie used to work for P and G way back in the day, a long time ago. Women do the majority of the shopping for these products, so obviously they have to hit them for that.

[Brian Bishop]

I can say whatever I want to my wife about shampoo and about scrubbing and about Purell and about veggie wash and about rubbing the kids down with the. With the sav and all. I can say whatever I want. It doesn't matter. At some point she's going to be at the store with my wallet and it'll all get thrown in the thing because it smells good and it feels good. And I've seen the commercial where the mom who cares is making her baby feel good with this and the baby does feel good. While you're smiling and laughing, anytime you get lotion rubbed on you, it's not a bad night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Okay. All right. I'm gonna put myself in a better mood. Somebody who produces the Today show should really explain to the non scientists who are in the peanut gallery to shut the fuck up while the guy's making the scientific. Yeah, but a little soap's good.

[Joe Coy]

If they could do that right before the cameras roll.

[Brian Bishop]

Gary, I'm telling you, I want to hear that last 10 seconds one more time. It's going to make me angry. Blinds galore. Now I'm in a better mood. Custom shades and blinds built from scratch. That's right. Just like grandma used to make her Stew. But with blinds, over 2 million windows and counting, don't bother going out to the store now, do it. I just got these guys all I got all hooked up at my house. You know what's nice about blinds? The blind schooler, the curtains we talked about, you try to push them aside. They don't really. It's a. The blinds, they got the chain and I got the vertical ones. And I just dial in in the morning. Like, I don't want full blown.

[Gina Grad]

You want golden hour.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to dial, dial in a little light into just a little light in the room. Open about 30%, still get the privacy, little light. They go up in a snap, man. I just put them up, literally on Friday, put them up in my wife's room. I mean, her, she got a little office room. Blinds galore makes it easy. Get the custom blinds, shades you've always wanted in your home. Whatever size, you tell them that's what size. Whatever shade, whatever style shows up. Blindsgalore.com for her. You do anything else? They got a huge birthday sale. It's going on. So let's get going before it ends. Blinds galore dot com. All right, last ten seconds. One more time.

[Adam Carolla]

Working out in a sweat, they say.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they say, actually you can just rinse the perspiration away. Except in those two places.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Brian Bishop]

Bacteria stinks a little.

[Adam Carolla]

So I think a little soap.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Nothing wrong with soap. Yeah.

[Gary]

All right.

[Joe Coy]

Are you.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you?

[Brian Bishop]

She feels that way. The person with no education feels that.

[Adam Carolla]

The more we watch that, the funnier. Al Roker's line gets up.

[Joe Coy]

Do you like the fact that she says, fuck your point, that bacteria smells a little bit?

[Brian Bishop]

She feels that way.

[Joe Coy]

No, but she says bacteria smells.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like it smells.

[Joe Coy]

It smells a little. Well, and caffeine tastes funny.

[Brian Bishop]

Everything, you know, I got news for everybody. Whiskey, pussy, sushi, it's all got it. Well, maybe a little redundant there, but the point is this. Things have their own flavor, their own scent, their own aroma. Learn to enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and that's natural pheromone, too. It actually can be kind of hot.

[Joe Coy]

I think women do like it when a guy stinks, though, because after a workout, like, I dated some girls that.

[Adam Carolla]

Were like, oh, God, it's the pheromone that you're exuding.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I always heard. I think, Jenny, you probably, you probably heard this too. Perfume, like the nice perfume, the French stuff. Like, they. It's a bunch of, like, scents. Like, it's a bunch of this, a bunch of that. There's always one Bad thing in there. Like, they always put one bad scent. Like bury it deep with one of the 20 things that's in there.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Gina Grad]

I've always.

[Brian Bishop]

Has anyone heard that?

[Joe Coy]

Put a little piece in there.

[Gina Grad]

I've always heard this one bad smell.

[Joe Coy]

Put a flower. Jasmine. And then I pee in the bottle.

[Brian Bishop]

Joe, are you.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not kidding, right? Because cat piss is in perfume.

[Gina Grad]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Cat urine is in perfume. It makes it stay longer.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, Jo Koy, after doing a number of shows at Stand Up Live, I think in Phoenix. Yeah. One of the drunken couples that came out, the pretty hot Asian chick and a pretty well built white guy, announced to me that they found out during the course of the show the chick fucked you. Not during the course of the show.

[Gina Grad]

But we have a picture of Twitter handle right here.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I am. That's what they said. I mean, that's what they said to me.

[Joe Coy]

There you go.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, you brought it up. It just reminded me.

[Gina Grad]

He didn't bring it up.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he brought up laundry out there. I'm with women. And there's a musk, and they. They enjoy the musk. And we know that you're, you know, a dad looking for love. And on the road, the road's a lonely place. Very lonely and a little less lonely sometimes.

[Joe Coy]

My pheromones were out there.

[Brian Bishop]

They've heard tale about tail before. And I'm just. Thought I'd just, you know.

[Gina Grad]

She said, nice shoes. He said, I know.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Joe Coy]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Why aren't your knees on? Yeah. I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm just saying.

[Joe Coy]

Well, you just did.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't say her name.

[Joe Coy]

Well, you didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Obviously. You've slept with human beings that are scattered about the U.S. yes.

[Joe Coy]

Okay. Everywhere.

[Brian Bishop]

I met one of them.

[Gina Grad]

Hilarious. Half Asian babies everywhere.

[Joe Coy]

Was her boyfriend. Huge. And was he still with her at the time when I did?

[Brian Bishop]

This would be a point of pride for both of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. All right. Up top.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

For the audience at home in a weird place.

[Gina Grad]

Joe is beaming right now with pride.

[Adam Carolla]

Very uncomfortable.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't see Asians blush that often.

[Gina Grad]

I said, he's been drinking.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, during that show, by the way, I got to see my first Japanese woman eat cheese. I've never seen a Japanese woman eat cheese.

[Joe Coy]

Never seen a Japanese woman cheat.

[Brian Bishop]

Not cheese, specifically cheese.

[Gina Grad]

Like some Asians call, like, Americans, like, stinky cheese people.

[Adam Carolla]

Butter stinkers.

[Gina Grad]

Butter stinkers. Yeah. Like, because we eat so much Dairy. And that's not a big part of, like, an Asian diet.

[Brian Bishop]

It.

[Joe Coy]

I've never heard of that before.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Joe Coy]

My mom loves butter.

[Gary]

Does she?

[Joe Coy]

Cheese my mom. And this is no joke. In the Philippines, frosting is made out of whipped butter and sugar.

[Gina Grad]

That's not real Asian.

[Joe Coy]

How dare you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, amazing. All right, we got a couple of calls. Dean Devlin is here. Dean is.

[Joe Coy]

He knows what I'm talking about.

[Brian Bishop]

Everything. And lips.

[Joe Coy]

Right now, when I hit butter, sugar, independence.

[Zoltan]

Filipino, too.

[Gina Grad]

He's a producing legend.

[Brian Bishop]

Dean Devlin went to high school with him.

[Gina Grad]

Do you know him in high school?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Gina Grad]

He wrote Universal Soldier. That was his first produced script.

[Brian Bishop]

And like I said, Independence Day and all that stuff. But, yeah, I think it was a grade or two before me. And by the way, you don't know who to fucking network with. You spent in high school trying to get laid, not finding the guy from the drama department, sidling up to him.

[Gina Grad]

Go hang with Dean Devlin.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Who knew the guy that's two years older than us, likes to write. Yeah, that guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. All right, sister. You guys have a question up there?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

First, hold on.

[Gina Grad]

Mine too. Apparently slept with Joe Coy in Phoenix.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm angry. I'm still angry about one more thing.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

Brian and I spoke. What did I say yesterday?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah. After the show.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, now, we did a show yesterday, but I found myself traveling on a lot of Sundays. And generally ever since I've had kids being out of the house, being away from the TV set, not being caught up on the football games and the scores and who won all. And even when I find myself going and watching with cousin Sal and the boys, I still find myself missing who won the early game, because I get there in the afternoon and watch the afternoon games. And I love going home and getting caught up on all the games with their little 3 minute highlight packages of who won. Unfortunately, what they used to do is put a crawl underneath it of who won. And sometimes you'd see the game you were watching on the crawl, and unfortunately, you'd see what happened. You know, who won before. And again, the things are built. They build these little highlight packages. They build a highlight package where they're literally San Francisco is playing the Ravens, and it's Hail Mary time for Joe Flacco.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah. They go quarters one through four, they build it like a dramatic, you know, narrative with the music. They're done, and they're doing a thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Where it's like, Flacco's got one more chance. There's three ticks on the clock. He's throwing for the end zone, but you're looking at the bottom of the screen and you know San Francisco won the game.

[Gina Grad]

Gary, I texted you a picture just now.

[Philip Keane]

If you.

[Brian Bishop]

We know Gary has the pictures. I took pictures.

[Gina Grad]

Okay. I was gonna say I saw the same thing today on the Read the.

[Brian Bishop]

Repeat, you put them up there. The first picture I'm gonna show you is I took an envelope.

[Gina Grad]

You did.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, first thing I took because Brian said he had a friend that just tapes a piece in front of.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

You can go back, Gary, and show a picture of what it would look like without the envelope.

[Gina Grad]

But I said, you said the thing about the Kroll. And I said, yeah. My friend Bob puts a piece of cardboard over there.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, what this is, is you can go to AdamCroll.com if you want to see us, but I'll describe it. It goes full screen. Ravens, San Francisco music. Now Raven, San Francisco, right underneath it, it's in red. San Francisco 25, Ravens 20. So we can watch the highlights, but we know that Hail Mary didn't land at the end.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. The whole idea to make it dramatic and make it a narrative is absurd because the ending is right there.

[Brian Bishop]

And also, I don't know. I can't remember who Seattle played, But, like, Seattle goes up 14, nothing. And you're like, oh, they're going to get beat this time. They're finally going to get an L. No, they're not, because I already saw what happened. But I went and taped a piece of paper over the TV set. When I taped a piece of. Now, it took me a second to.

[Joe Coy]

See that I taped.

[Brian Bishop]

First I taped a piece of paper over this TV set. But then I realized you could see through it. You could see the red. The red would push through it. So I went and got a piece of official mail from the government. You know, the ones that you don't need, but they're super thick because we love to waste money. This thing had about eight or nine sheets, and it was heavy.

[Dean Devlin]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And I taped it on there. So now I'm watching this, but as I'm watching, stats are still there up top. You can see that the Bears beat the lines in O, lost the lines in ot and on the. But next to it, you can't get away from it. There's two OT games, there's two overtime games that are coming. It's the Bears and the Lions, and it's the Browns and Denver. And above it, crawling above the sportscasters, is the fact that in ot. The Lions won. And in ot, Denver won. And I shall see that coming up in the highlight package. But when you get to Denver, which is down by seven points with 31 seconds left, I still know they won the game. Yeah, in ot.

[Gina Grad]

Yep. So all the drama is gone.

[Brian Bishop]

And then somebody will always inevitably piss me off. And, and I'll go, why? Like I was yelling at Lynette last night, why, why, why? And she does the, well, what if, if, if you gambled on the game, if you, if you gambled on the game, then you're probably. If you gambled on the game, you have a phone.

[Gina Grad]

I was gonna say you're much more invested, you're not watching the highlights.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking gambles on the game and just goes, oh, I'll figure it out tonight.

[Gina Grad]

Sometime around 7 o', clock, I catch up. See my bankroll.

[Brian Bishop]

Dude, this week everybody has a phone.

[Gary]

Did I win?

[Brian Bishop]

I'll know at 9.

[Gina Grad]

See if my kids get hot lunch.

[Brian Bishop]

Everybody has a computer and everyone has a phone.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

There is no yeah. But some people want the score. Well, first off, I'm not saying don't give the score. I'm saying have the score come up when you're done telling the fucking story. Dean Devlin would tell you that you don't say Will Smith kicked the ass of the fucking aliens by flying the ship into the mothership right down the cornhole and blowing the whole thing up.

[Gina Grad]

Technically it was Jeff Goldblum in there.

[Brian Bishop]

Goldblum in there. But the point is. Yeah, Quaid, the point is that don't tell us that at the beginning. By all means, flash the fucking score at the end of the narration. You're telling a story, you're telling the story.

[Gina Grad]

I'll add all your points up and say, do you want further with all the instant accident with the phone and the whatever. If you're gambling, whatever it is, the only reason to watch the wrap up shows is to see how the game went and to see the flow and to be sort of interested in the highlight package.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Probably know the score. And if you're watching this, you're watching it for the narrative, you're watching it for the highlights.

[Brian Bishop]

I was working a lot of the day yesterday and I looked forward to who's going to win. Did this game go to OT and when it does, who but. But in red underneath. Can somebody explain to me why this is necessary? Or who. What percentage of the viewing audience enjoys knowing the score ahead of time that what didn't have access to it? Like who the fuck is Producing. What kind of tard is producing this show? Why do we need to be head or why are you doing a montage that is like a. A three minute movie trailer complete with music. Complete with the part where by the.

[Joe Coy]

Way that production is a ton of money. That little piece that they put together that.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Some guys doing a van outside the.

[Joe Coy]

Stadium and he's getting paid a ton to do money to do it and.

[Brian Bishop]

They'Re doing where they go. Seattle goes in the locker room 17 3. They had a comfortable lead. They're looking to give Carolina their first loss of the year and. But you're looking going well it never works. Not going to work. Why not? Why can't I go with that journey?

[Gina Grad]

The only theory I have is that it's a misguided note from the producer or even the network. Don't lose the viewer. Keep the viewer around. If they go somewhere else to find the score, you're going to. But it's misguided. I can't even see that being a logical explanation.

[Brian Bishop]

Someone will explain it to me. And please don't do the. A lot of people want to know the score. Those people know the score, have the score, can find the score. They can find it on their phone. And the confident on the computer which is in the same fucking room. Put myself in a better football mood right now. DraftKings, your season long fantasy team, it's going strong, but you got to wait till week 16, man. Put your skills to the [e-mail] America's favorite one week fantasy football site. Ryan, how are you hanging, buddy?

[Gina Grad]

I don't want to give away the final score ahead of time, but Gary's going to put up my lineup for this week. I drafted a hell of a lineup. I don't know if you can see that. Blake Bortles, Arian Foster took a gamble on Truck. Hendrick West, Julian Edelmans, DeAndre Hopkins, Jeremy Macklin without the concussion. Julius Thomas, Lamar Miller, the Broncos defense, 180 points on DraftKings.

[Gary]

That's.

[Gina Grad]

No, that's nothing to sniff at. That's a hell of a lineup.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I'll exhale in.

[Gina Grad]

Exhale.

[Brian Bishop]

Injured player. No problem. I gotta. I got a new. Hold on. I'm sorry about that.

[Zoltan]

New.

[Brian Bishop]

Every week you pick your players, you pile up the points, you pick up your cash. It isn't fantasy as usual. It's DraftKings. Welcome the big time Dawson from the sick bay. Hurry to DraftKings.com now. Use promo code Adam and play for free with your first deposit in this Sunday's one million dollar fantasy football contest where first place takes home 100 grand. Enter Adam for free entry now only at DraftKings.com that's DraftKings.com all right, Joe Coy is here.

[Joe Coy]

I got a friend, Nate Burleson, humble, bragging, yeah, I know a good guy and wide out.

[Brian Bishop]

He's on.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah. And he's, he's on the NFL Network. Should we have him call in and you can ask him that question?

[Brian Bishop]

I'd like, I would like an answer to that, but I, I don't feel like I'm ever going to be satisfied. No, it'll be one of those things where he does a long winded explanation and then at the end they'll go, scores are good. And then I'll hang up.

[Adam Carolla]

We like scores, keep the scores.

[Brian Bishop]

Al Roker, chime in.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

Of course.

[Brian Bishop]

Joy Coy. No, yeah, call him Joy. The Bray improv coming up October 23rd through the 25th. That's this weekend, Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco. That's coming up on November 6th through the 8th. And then November 13th, Silver Legacy Resort Casino in Reno. And the Owen Joe Show. That's the podcast also. Joe Coyote. J O k o y.com Can I tell you this? Can I ask you a question? Yes.

[Joe Coy]

I'm getting work done on my house. I got like so many construction people over there, and I bought these stainless steel doors that cost me a gem for my garage doors. They were custom built, you know, I mean, they had to size it up and everything. Yeah, stainless steel is about 20,000 for these two doors, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Joe Coy]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

They're not aluminum. They.

[Joe Coy]

Whatever it is.

[Brian Bishop]

All I sand steel's really heavy.

[Adam Carolla]

Sterling silver.

[Joe Coy]

I'll show you. But what pissed me off is I paid a lot of money and they deliver it with a dent. And I'm like, well, where do we go from here? And they were like, well, you know, you did kind of, you know, sign a waiver that they might be because of manufacturing. I'm like, what the fuck?

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Joe Coy]

You just sent me a dented door? A dented door. This is your product. And then I said, you know Adam Carolla, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, drop the name.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Gina Grad]

So I feel he bust shitty contractors.

[Joe Coy]

So now he said he's gonna talk to his, his, his superior, I guess is what he said. But initially it was all, that's it. You paid for it.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me, let me.

[Joe Coy]

This is how they come. They're not all perfect. I'm like, what the fuck are you selling now?

[Gina Grad]

You gotta make like a dozen more dents and make it distressed.

[Brian Bishop]

You mean like a dent? Hit it with a chain. Vintage. It's a vintage door in dent, as in like a car door that has a.

[Joe Coy]

It's like, it's really subtle, but when you pull back and the light hits it, it's a huge dent. You go right up against it. It's a beautiful door.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, but let me make this suggestion to you. There are these guys. One of the names is called the Ding King.

[Gina Grad]

The dent doctor.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the dent doctor. The Ding King. These guys come in and they will work with a series of weird long spoon devices. A dent right out of the side of your car door. I mean, they will work that metal and smooth it out, and it is absolutely insane when they're done with it. Okay, so what I would suggest is you get the dent doctor, the Ding King, or whatever that guy is, he just shows up in his van with his old tool case and he works that dent out. And you tell the guy, you pay that guy 150 bucks, it ain't no big deal. It'll take him an hour. That'll be on you. And I'll get the dent out of the door and you won't have to send it back and have it remanufactured.

[Joe Coy]

But here's the thing. The metal sits on top of a wood door. Like, how would he get into that?

[Brian Bishop]

That's why they call him the King.

[Gina Grad]

He's not the Dent Duke.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not like he's not the Dent Duke. It's not like your car door skin has been removed and put on a rack in a shop. These guys come in and work it down through where the window goes up and around the mechanism and that whole nine yards, that's.

[Joe Coy]

What do you think he could do it?

[Gina Grad]

Sometimes just have to access the outside. They just like have a series, like the pressurized things.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm still gonna use your name. Yeah, use my name, Adam.

[Joe Coy]

I'm gonna use your name and I'm gonna threaten the shit out of us.

[Brian Bishop]

Abuse it if you like, but, but, but. Go ahead. All right. Just saying that we are gonna be at the Royal Oak in Michigan on Friday and then also in Chicago on Saturday. The Vic Theater, Midwest tour.

[Dean Devlin]

Ooh, the Vic Theater.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I tell you this? I get.

[Gina Grad]

Please tell me you got some deep dish.

[Brian Bishop]

I will. Nobody throws a better party than Seth MacFarlane.

[Gina Grad]

I've heard.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, that guy will transform his entire backyard into a fucking skating rink and have like a 30 piece orchestra playing in one room. And it's like there's.

[Adam Carolla]

My God.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there's Sean Penn smoking on Charlize Theron's lap. It's fucking awesome. And the food and the booze, it's so fucking awesome. It's just the best. The best. And it's always a full orchestra. And he's always singing with the orchestra and everything. He's a little on the short notice. Seth is. He's one of those dudes. And I got the email from Seth today. And I just remember looking at my phone going, oh, it's an email from Seth. And then I went, fox a party. And then I went, okay, dear God.

[Gina Grad]

Please, not this week.

[Brian Bishop]

Not this weekend, not this weekend. And. And normally when you get the Evite, they'll give you a two or three. It's not gonna be Monday. Of normally you're thinking, not Monday, not this weekend. Someone please, dear God, next weekend. Please. If we got nothing going for the next three weekends, all we gotta do is get past it. This Saturday. This fucking Saturday.

[Gina Grad]

What is the theme? Is it a Halloween party? Was the theme.

[Brian Bishop]

I just. Because my tears were dropping down on my screen, my phone shorted out. I couldn't. I actually took the piece of cardboard I was using to block out the. The scores from my TV and I just typed it over. I just taped it right over. Fucking A. I don't know. I can figure it out. I'll figure it out. During the break, it became academic. I didn't want to torture myself. It doesn't matter what the theme is. The theme is always going to be coolest celebrities in the world, greatest booze in the world, the greatest food in the world with the greatest view in the world. That's the theme.

[Joe Coy]

Can you forward that email?

[Adam Carolla]

Is it transferring?

[Brian Bishop]

I'll get it to you on Sunday.

[Zoltan]

All right, cool.

[Brian Bishop]

He just wants the email.

[Gina Grad]

He doesn't give it about the party.

[Brian Bishop]

You'll be balls deep in some strange Asian frosting.

[Gina Grad]

Phoenix.

[Joe Coy]

I'm going to bring some buttered sugared rolls for you guys. Next time I want you to try Filipino frosting.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's see. Somebody. God, we're out of time.

[Adam Carolla]

One in three.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's talk to one. Hey, Lawrence.

[Zoltan]

That'S me.

[Brian Bishop]

What's going on?

[Zoltan]

Not much. I just found out that Joe Coy was on the show and that works perfectly.

[Brian Bishop]

Did he Fuck you touch Phoenix?

[Joe Coy]

Did I touch you?

[Zoltan]

No. He has met my sister who I'm calling about tonight. She saw him live at a show, I think Cache Creek in The Bay Area?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Should we do this?

[Gina Grad]

The house that Coy built?

[Joe Coy]

A phone call on the side first. What did I do to your sister?

[Gina Grad]

Just know that Joe is gettable.

[Zoltan]

You were really nice. You hooked her up with a bunch of free like shirts and TVs. It might have been because we're Filipino. So you were like, I don't know.

[Gina Grad]

That there was a damn 10 million to you.

[Joe Coy]

You said DVDs, right? I hooked her up with DVDs or did you say STD?

[Gina Grad]

DVD Air.

[Zoltan]

Was it like a CD, DVD double or something? I'm not sure. I'm sorry. I didn't watch it yet. I watch you on YouTube.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Anyway.

[Zoltan]

Okay. Yeah. My sister just turned 18 last month.

[Gina Grad]

Bad news.

[Joe Coy]

You're really.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll give you a five minute head start.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, man.

[Joe Coy]

I'm out of here.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. Go ahead, Lawrence.

[Joe Coy]

She really wanted the dvd, bro.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean? She wanted the dvd.

[Joe Coy]

I gave her a shirt too.

[Brian Bishop]

Sovereign Indian nation. So you can do whatever the fuck. That's right.

[Joe Coy]

It's legal. And I'm good friends with the chief.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to drop some peyote and bang a 13 year old, that's your all means, that is your business.

[Joe Coy]

You do anything to any woman here.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Thank you. That's right. Sorry, where were we?

[Zoltan]

She's finally old enough to listen to you now. So she had admitted to me that three years ago when she was 15, our. Our close cousin was inappropriately touching her one night when he was sleeping over.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no.

[Zoltan]

Really Pissed me off.

[Brian Bishop]

How old is. How much older is the cousin?

[Zoltan]

He is three years older. So he would have been around 18.

[Joe Coy]

All right, but does that even matter?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's all. It's all. I'm just. There is a thing that society and women should know. That when dudes are 16, 17, 18, 19, whatever, there is a fucking chemical that takes over their body that makes them interest to insane people.

[Adam Carolla]

So you got to sleep with one eye open.

[Brian Bishop]

It just. I. I swear to God, like, if there's a human. If there's something with a vagina that falls asleep and it's under the same roof.

[Joe Coy]

I'm so happy you said that.

[Brian Bishop]

It's so true. It's like it's. It's a. It's. It's. It's a hormone that like takes over and you will do.

[Joe Coy]

It's subliminally telling you that you need to create life.

[Adam Carolla]

Just terrifying.

[Joe Coy]

And so you. Everything in front of you.

[Brian Bishop]

No, you will.

[Gina Grad]

Your hand, your hand, your Other hand, everything.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

I'm not your shoe.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't give a fuck donating it, but if your fucking step grandma's in the shower and the doors cracked. I was looking. We could look. It's fucked up. When you're. When you're young. Anyway. Sorry. Lawrence. What?

[Dean Devlin]

What do you do?

[Brian Bishop]

Did she stop him?

[Zoltan]

Wait, what was that? What?

[Brian Bishop]

Did she stop him?

[Adam Carolla]

How did, how did she know? And what happened?

[Zoltan]

I don't know that much. She hasn't been that descriptive about it, but she had mentioned that it was like in the downstairs room and then they eventually both moved upstairs. And like he kept doing it up there too. I don't know much more than that. He's a very touchy feely guy with everyone.

[Brian Bishop]

How close are they? There's cousins that are like second cousins you've never met before. And then there's grew up with Joe Koibi and Filipino.

[Zoltan]

He knows like how that family dynamic is. He's known as her closest cousin, like their buddy buddy, but so she's had to.

[Joe Coy]

But also Filipinos also call cousins that are just friends. Yeah, like I got a lot of answer. They're like my mom's best friend.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Like black folks.

[Joe Coy]

So, I mean, is this a blood related cousin Lawrence?

[Zoltan]

Yes.

[Joe Coy]

Okay, well then beat the shit out of him. Let's all come over there and help you.

[Zoltan]

I don't know if that'll make it worse for her and if it will really make me feel better. I want her. I want him to apologize to her though. And if he doesn't, then I could get violent. But I don't want to do that right now.

[Joe Coy]

Tell him you know Adam Carolla. That's what I always do.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Lawrence, here's the thing. I wouldn't make this a whole bunch of your business. I would say to her, if this is something that's troubling you and if it's something that left a mark, so to speak, or something, you should talk to somebody about this. It's not really going to be about you taking the pound of flesh out of him. It's more about her taking care of her. Yeah. Now there's two components. If you think this guy's a serial, fill in the blank. Like if this guy's doing this to other people and, and a lot I know, like Dr. Drew would go, well, of course he's doing. He's a sick individual. I'm telling you, 18 year old guys are capable of about anything. Yeah, I don't. I'm not going to put him into the molester, full blown. This guy's a pedophile, rapist or whatever I would like, I would say talk to her and say, I think you should talk to somebody about this. If it's something you're thinking about and that would help you, punching this guy at the next reunion is not going to. It's not going to ruin luck. It's not going to fix anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Fix it. And if you thought your sister didn't have any control before, why don't you try getting, you know, scrapping with this guy and see how she feels? You're absolutely right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Gary]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, there it is, Dean. Oh, I don't know what that was. Dean Devlin is waiting out there, so we'll go real fast. Mike, 29, Brooklyn.

[Dean Devlin]

Hey, how's it going?

[Zoltan]

How's it going, Adam? So I had just a quick story for you. Since you're so sympathetic for peanut allergies, I took a flight the other week to. From laguardia to Akron, Canton, connecting flight to Miami. And the flight attendant came on when we sat down and she said, yeah, just everyone. I just wanted to let you know that today is a peanut free plane.

[Brian Bishop]

It's peanut free plane. Yes, yes.

[Zoltan]

And that if you have peanuts on you, you cannot pick them out and eat them. And I had a. I had imagine thinking I had some.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on, Mike, your line is bad.

[Gina Grad]

He's a big fan. He wonders this has ever come up before. Good job, Caleb.

[Brian Bishop]

Half the southwest flights I fly on, they've been removed. File this under the by the way. They now find that exposing very young children to peanuts helps them build the resistance. But we're gonna have to argue about the next thing that comes up with me. Yeah, I've been yelling about fucking peanut allergies. Here's all you need to know. Whether it's the kid's skull and the helmet that's gonna correct it or the peanut allergies, the human physiology cannot possibly change that much in six and a half years. Right?

[Gina Grad]

It didn't all mutate.

[Brian Bishop]

Like I said, it takes millions of years for your skull to start changing shape. And this is. So when Jenny McCarthy says that the vaccines are causing autism or whatever, the peanut allergies, I ignore all of it because I know since none of it existed in 1999, how can there be an onslaught of it in 2008?

[Gina Grad]

What about when Al Roker says, lil, soap's okay, Little soap's good.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, somebody should pick up one of those super heavy dispensers of scotch tape. And chuck it at his fucking bald head.

[Gina Grad]

The ones the secretary used to have 40 years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. The ones that couldn't be stolen because they were too heavy. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd be a great.

[Brian Bishop]

Shut the fuck up.

[Adam Carolla]

They should deputize you as honorary surgeon General.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. I would love to see you in that jacket.

[Joe Coy]

You would look good in that jacket.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd go with a Mennonite beard. Oh, yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Like the old school when we grew. Is that his name? Yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All through the 80s.

[Brian Bishop]

And he would full C. Everett Coop.

[Gina Grad]

The beard.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Yes, Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Mennonite.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd go with the Mennonite beard. I'd get some really cool, like, horn rimmed sort of glasses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would. I would go. There's a Expedia commercial or something where they have Captain Obvious and some guy I'd wear. I'd have a little bit of that look mixed in with a little. I run the Salvation army with a little German U. Boat captain have it all. Adjustings of everything.

[Gina Grad]

There was a guy on my flight. Gary. I Instagrammed a picture of this guy. I think he's going for what you're talking about. He was. I thought. I thought it was actually the original Sergeant Pepper. This guy that was. Was bucking for to be surgeon. He's wearing, like, the full on. Yeah, but like a decorative rock and roll version of, like, the jet. Like the general's. Like Napoleon's coat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it was quite fast.

[Brian Bishop]

There he is.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Ben Stiller was on your flight.

[Gina Grad]

Look at the bracelets.

[Joe Coy]

That's the Dog Whisperer.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. All right, he's going for it. One more call and we'll bring Dean in. Mike 26, Las Vegas.

[Zoltan]

Hi, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Hi. Hi, Mike.

[Zoltan]

Hi, Gary. Gina. Bald Joy.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Adam.

[Zoltan]

I'm driving down the freeway the other day, and I see a big billboard, and it is for Blue Lives Matter. So I look it up on my phone, and it's a nonprofit organization that was set up in New York City for the police officers. So my question to you is, do you think that was something that was set up in spite of Black Lives Matter?

[Brian Bishop]

Let me think. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Caitlin, you're killing it today.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm gonna go with. I'm gonna go with yes. And look, there's. There's a byproduct to everything we try, much like the Purell. Okay. Germs, bad. Babies good. Don't want to get germs on the baby. So wash your hands with the Purell before you handle the baby. All right? Good. That's Good, that sounds good. But there's a bigger long term negative effect that comes from this thing that seems like a good idea. Everyone's heart is in the right place. Although I do question if the good folks at Procter and Gamble really think this is as important as it actually is. They certainly do a good job of convincing all the wives it is. But they must have some science there that's gonna suggest to whatever that butterfly effect is where yeah, it's good this second. But what about when the kid's in high school and asthmatic?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's the thalidomide from the 60s. The pregnant women had, you know, sickness, this helped them and it caused horrible birth defects.

[Brian Bishop]

The black Lives Matter big picture is gonna stop more cops from doing more of their jobs and may end up in more black lives that end up getting lost than it does with cops being tentative about rolling up things. And when there should have been an intervention or some force probably should have this, whatever this situation called for some more force, but they held back some force and then somebody got shot with their own gun or whatever it is. There is an effect to this, these sorts of things for sure. And I think ultimately it's going to be first off, it's going to be when Top Gun came out, all the guys signed up, wanted to be fighter jocks for the Navy because it was like, wow, look at that. You know what I mean? I don't know what the new class of cop is, but the recruitment's got to be way down. Like any 17 year old ROTC guy in high school looking at the news about now. It's gotta be like, fuck this, not for me. I'm not gonna just stand in front of Burning rite AIDS getting shit thrown at me. Like I'm just not, that's not. I didn't sign up for that. Like I got these part where William Shatner sliding across hood and Adrian's meds yelling no time for backup. Like that's awesome.

[Gina Grad]

That's what the 17 year olds today are saying. TJ Hooker.

[Brian Bishop]

I get the part. It was easy to recruit cops in the 80s, in the 90s was every fucking show is about a cop who played by his own rules. And it's like he looked good and he looked at all the outfits were like form fitting, like tucked in and sewed up and pinned up in the back and everything.

[Gina Grad]

He put his badges gun on the desk, he's like, I'm out of here.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm lifting your shield. You take my shield and they slap it.

[Gina Grad]

Don't ain't do me any good anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Now you just turn on cnn and Ferguson's on fire, and you're seeing these guys holding these big blue sight shields out. They're yelling, fuck the popo. And they're like, would you want to sign up for this? So, number one, we are taking a whole graduating class at the academy and going, anybody with two fucking brain cells to rub together is going, fuck this. So that's number one effect.

[Gina Grad]

And then number it's not a claimer gig.

[Brian Bishop]

Can we find out an answer?

[Joe Coy]

Well, no. Nate Brolson wants to call in and talk to you.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck the cops.

[Joe Coy]

He said fuck the police.

[Brian Bishop]

Not that Asian broad from Phoenix. What's a clearer name? Well, now we got Dean Devlin. What did he say?

[Joe Coy]

I said, adam would like to ask you a question. He said, I'll call in.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, well, I'll tell you what we'll do.

[Gina Grad]

We'll talk to him in a week.

[Brian Bishop]

We'll take a. We'll take a break. No, I want to. We'll bring Dean in. We'll toss Joy out. Joe Coy, I love you, man. Love you, man. J o k o y.com is where you go. Nate played with Seattle.

[Joe Coy]

And the Vikings.

[Brian Bishop]

The Vikings.

[Joe Coy]

And the Lions.

[Brian Bishop]

And the Lions.

[Joe Coy]

All right, now he's over at NFL Network.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I'm going to ask him about that, that crawl. We'll take a quick break. Be right back with Dean.

[Joe Coy]

Love you, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Love, yeah. We're back. Dean Devlin is here.

[Dean Devlin]

Thanks for having me.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm excited about this. Turns out we went to high school together. Couple of Huskies, O NH Real quick, Nate Burleson is here playing the league for. Let's see, I guess start off in 03 with Minnesota, Seattle, Detroit, Cleveland. Lots of catches, lots of insight, and Joe told him to call in Nate.

[Zoltan]

What's going on?

[Brian Bishop]

Good to speak to you, Nate. NFL Total Access is one of the places you can find Nate. Nate, I can't stand it when they tell you the score of the game before they show you the highlight package. Is there anything you can do about that?

[Zoltan]

Yeah, I was just talking to Joe off air, and he told me that we got to do something about the premature Jackie highlight because Adam. Adam is really in his feelings. Nobody told you to wait until the day after to get caught up on the actual score of the game. Come on, bro, you got to do that Sunday night. Don't put all the pressure on us because we want to speed through our script on the day. We want to do other stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you do it on the day after. But there are plenty of guys who do it Sunday afternoon at 5 o' clock on the west coast right after the games. Fix.

[Gina Grad]

You took that picture yesterday.

[Zoltan]

Yes, actually. Actually, you're right.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right.

[Zoltan]

I do see that quite often. Maybe because I'm in it so much and I played for 11 years. So like when I'm watching the highlights, I don't want to see every single intricacy because I was involved in every intricacy. So I kind of look at it differently, but just because it's you. And you know, I'm not just saying this, because I'm just saying this, but Joe knows I'm a huge fan of TV and comedy. So I'm gonna put in a special word just for you. So if you notice a change, we're going to have to do this conversation over and I just need a little pat on the back, that's all.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll get more than a pat on the back. You're going to get a thumb. I will say this, Nate. I complained for years about raising the goal post. Raise the goal post, the ball keeps going right over the top of the upright. Raise the uprights just 5, 6ft. And they finally did it a couple of years ago. And I used to do it with Rich Eisen all the time. And anytime I sat down with anyone on any Football Related Whatever, two weeks ago in OT, I think the Cincinnati kicker hit the upright about 2 foot down from the top and it careemed or caromed in and they won the game. And two or three years ago that just would have went over the top. And the old man with the cataracts looking straight up into the sun would have either said fair or foul, but I probably would have waved that one off. So this can be our next mission, Nate. This will be.

[Zoltan]

I think this one isn't as big of a part, you know, into the game as the goal post. I feel you on that. You know, I definitely agree. You know, I remember everybody talking about doing something about the extra points and the field goal kickers. So I'm glad that there was that change and I'm glad that they moved the extra point back. It makes everything a little bit more interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

NFL Total Access Nate Burleson. Thank you, Nate. I appreciate you doing this on short notice.

[Zoltan]

All good, man. Anything for Joe. Man, hit me up. He said to call me and to be honest, man, you know, I work in LA three days a week now, so, you know, I love the exposure and I love to talk to people I've been watching and listening to for years.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, then we'll bring. We'll bring you out and have you as a guest on the show.

[Zoltan]

Okay, cool. Is there any dress code?

[Brian Bishop]

Put a sock on your cock.

[Gina Grad]

You're still in game shape.

[Zoltan]

Okay, okay. Is there.

[Gina Grad]

Can I.

[Zoltan]

Can I drink?

[Gary]

Is that cool?

[Adam Carolla]

We provide it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. We disturb, man.

[Zoltan]

Well, I'm gonna introduce you to Nate. To think then, because we gonna get down.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna give you some Mangria, Nate.

[Gina Grad]

Celebrity endorser.

[Brian Bishop]

That'll be it.

[Zoltan]

You'll never stop thanking Sangria. But let me get a double vodka on the rocks with most people.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, this is mangrove. You're gonna like it. Thank you, Nate. Appreciate it. Dean Devlin here. The Librarians and Two Hours, season premiere November 1, 8:00. Nice job, by the way, Dean.

[Dean Devlin]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Episode just yesterday. Very interesting. About. Well, let's see. Rebecca Romaine's in this thing. And what else do we got? Oh, what's his name?

[Dean Devlin]

Noah Wiley.

[Brian Bishop]

Night Court. I'm thinking about John Larroquette. John Larroquette? The underappreciated John Larratt. Oh, yeah, that guy's got some. Got some chops.

[Dean Devlin]

In his day, he used to book. You know, he'd get like an Emmy Award every week.

[Brian Bishop]

It was crazy.

[Dean Devlin]

But he's kind of been.

[Brian Bishop]

I know it's kind of a weird thing because you sort of see what's going on with Jeff Daniels and you go, isn't John Larroquette sort of Jeff Daniels? I mean, in about the same time and the same age and the same arc in the same whatever. Like, maybe this is going to be the launching pad for Larkette.

[Dean Devlin]

Well, right after he did the first season for us, he went and did HBO's show the Brink. So I think you're right. I think you're back. I think he's back.

[Brian Bishop]

He's back. Independence Day, this is something you worked on. One of my favorite. One of my favorite movies in terms of, you know, I think Goodfellas is a better movie, but I don't. I don't. When Independence Movie. When Independence Day comes on, I never change a channel. I watch it straight on through.

[Dean Devlin]

Well, for me, that's the difference between movies and films. You know, to me, a great film is Goodfellas or Raging Bull, and a great movie is like Tombstone or Enter the Dragon. You can't turn it off.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel that way with Independence Day. And I gotta say, like, it's got a little that 90s vibe to it. But you do get patriotic. I get a little fogged up at the end. Randy Quaid is basically doing with his career now what he did. F18.

[Gina Grad]

Up yours.

[Brian Bishop]

Just up yours. Flying it. Right. That's what he did now with his career. But I heard some tale about maybe Independence 2 or something.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah, we just finished shooting.

[Brian Bishop]

You just finished.

[Dean Devlin]

You just finished shooting? It'll be out the end of June.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God. Am I in it?

[Dean Devlin]

Unfortunately not.

[Gina Grad]

Spoiler alert.

[Dean Devlin]

But you never know, there's always reshoots.

[Brian Bishop]

So you just finished. What can you say about it?

[Dean Devlin]

Not a lot, except we did get a bunch of the people from the first movie back in, along with the whole new cast that came on board. It takes place 20 years after the first one and it's gonna come out on the 20 year anniversary of the first movie. So be kind of cool.

[Brian Bishop]

I will be there. And it's just big and glorious. And it's also one of those. It's one of the first versions of all the countries unite to fight the one. And I've sort of. We've talked about it like we're talking about Mars and finding water on Mars and what would this do to us? And there's always this thought of, well, civilization would crumble if we thought there was something else out there. I think we might unite a little bit. Because right now we think of ourselves as well. You're Canadian, you're Mexican, you're American, and you're isis. But what if we're all just human beings?

[Dean Devlin]

At least for a week? We're like, ah, the aliens, they're moving in. They're ruining the neighborhood.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. So green lives matter would then kick in at some point.

[Gina Grad]

Grayish, translucent lives matter.

[Brian Bishop]

So we went to high school together.

[Dean Devlin]

We did. We did.

[Brian Bishop]

You were a couple of classes ahead of me. Yep. I'm guessing you were in. You graduated in 80. Must have been in 80.

[Dean Devlin]

Well, almost. I dropped out the day before graduation.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

How did that work?

[Dean Devlin]

It's a long story, but I don't know if you ever heard the story of the guy who ripped off the toupee of the science teacher at North Hollywood.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that was me. Well, there would be. It was a famous story.

[Dean Devlin]

That was me.

[Brian Bishop]

There would be the class. There would always be the senior class prank.

[Dean Devlin]

Oh, this wasn't a prank.

[Brian Bishop]

It was.

[Dean Devlin]

It was in the middle of class. He pissed me off. I grabbed his toupee, I threw out the window. I walked to my counselor, he said, I'm out.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

Where do you get Pants to fit that size.

[Brian Bishop]

Mr. Mr. Dillibirdi had a.

[Dean Devlin]

That was Mr. Deliberde.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. Now, I just. This is how we corroborate the story here. I picked the guy with the world class rug.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I was gonna say the guy who. The rug stood out every time.

[Dean Devlin]

Who we used to call Fred Flintstone, I think was his nickname because of that five o' clock shadow.

[Brian Bishop]

You threw out Mr. Dill. Now, you said he was a math teacher.

[Dean Devlin]

No, no, no, science teacher.

[Brian Bishop]

Science. Science, yeah, he.

[Dean Devlin]

Biology.

[Brian Bishop]

Biology. That's what I failed in 10th grade with Mr. Dill. Bernie failed, man. I showed up every day too. I could attend and still failed. You literally ripped his rug off.

[Dean Devlin]

I ripped his rug off. I threw it out the window and I knew I was done, so I went and got my GED and walked out.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

What was your background? Where. See, the thing about North Hollywood is you can't. You see, the San Fernando Valley is weird and diverse. So if you went to San Fernando High or you went up to, oh, let's say Poly High in Sun. Sun Valley. If you go to Poly High and Sun Valley, every fucking person there's a loser. Every. Everybody, everybody that. It's just. They should burn. They should just fucking burn the place to the ground like that. That's what Poly High is, San Fernando High. I mean, like, if you say, I want I go to Poly High or I go to San Fernando High. You are Hispanic, probably 99% chance Hispanic. And that's the high school you go to. If you go to Encino or Brentwood or something like that, and your parents are white or Jewish or something like that. North Hollywood High was this weird mixture of everyone being bused in. Yeah. Bust in from the inner city. Jewish kids coming down from the hill, white poor kids just sort of walking across the street. Mexican kids coming from the slightly deeper San Fernando Valley. You never knew who exactly was gonna. What it was comprised of.

[Adam Carolla]

And you were talking about the size, you're saying maybe around 5,000. It sounds like a community college campus. The diversity in the numbers.

[Brian Bishop]

But where, where, where, where did you come from?

[Dean Devlin]

I lived four blocks from the school, so I used to walk the school most of the time.

[Gary]

You did?

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah. I lived a block from school, another 7 11. I lived across the street from a 7 11.

[Brian Bishop]

The 711 on Burbank. Oh, on Burbank, Yeah. Okay.

[Dean Devlin]

Just on the other side of the freeway.

[Brian Bishop]

So you walk. Oh, by the cop station.

[Dean Devlin]

Exactly. Although the compensation came after I graduated.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I remember showing up there when I Got arrested for a bunch of warrants once, but that's the one they took me to.

[Gina Grad]

Okay. Yeah, it's a real homecoming.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So you grew up and so what did your parents do?

[Dean Devlin]

Well, my father was a movie producer. My mother was an actress, so I kind of grew up in the business.

[Brian Bishop]

Why the hell did you guys live there?

[Dean Devlin]

Well, my parents were divorced. Father did better than my mom, so we had a. It was actually, you know, in those days, it was still lower middle class. I mean, it kind of took a nosedive shortly thereafter. I mean, when I went there, they didn't have the metal detectors. Now you have to go through metal detectors and all kinds of crap to get into it.

[Brian Bishop]

This is all progress, Dean. You don't get it. This is called progression. You don't get what good progress is. Yeah. Yeah, it was damn frightening. All right. I'll tell you something. Dean's pulling something out of his pocket. True Car. Tell you about that. We use the Internet.

[Gina Grad]

Speaking of progress.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. How about you use some True Car? Find a good car. It's a good thing to have. Look, True Car. Here's how it works. You get the app, put it on your phone, and you put it on your home computer. If you want. You put it on your phone, and then you sit around and you go, how much does this car cost and where is it? And then you get a guaranteed saving certificate from over 10,000 TrueCar certified dealers. No need to negotiate. And then you take it in, you go get your car. That's it. See, there was a time, Gina, especially when the girls would be like, ah, I gotta get my big brother, some dude friend of mine to come in with me so I don't get fleeced at the thing. There's always. Everyone has that story. Like, I'd get my dad or I'd get my. Not because necessarily didn't know anything about cars. It's just they needed that dude standing there that wasn't with his arms full. That looked like Mr. Dilibert.

[Zoltan]

And.

[Brian Bishop]

Big rug missing his rug. And he'd be sitting there and you wouldn't try to. No more TrueCar. Visit TrueCar.com, download the TrueCar app and start saving TrueCar. Never overpay. Who was your counselor at North Habit?

[Dean Devlin]

Carl Hanson.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Hanson.

[Dean Devlin]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, my buddy Ray had Hansen.

[Dean Devlin]

The old drama teacher?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dean Devlin]

Before they cut drama, I wonder if.

[Gina Grad]

Dean or Ray goes on the highlight reel for Mr. Hansen. The counselor. Probably one goes on the highlight reel.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Mr. Hansen is probably. Yeah, he's.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I think he Brings both up in success stories.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Dean Devlin probably beats out Ray oldhoffer on when Mr. Hansen is going over the list of notables he'd gone over. Yeah, the guy put my mom's hose up his ass, filled it up, and then we drove by the Jack in the Box, drive thru on Laurel, and he shooed it out of his ass. Probably just nipped out by the super successful producer writer Dean Devlin, I would imagine. I mean, did you take drama in high school?

[Dean Devlin]

Well, I started to, but you remember maybe. No, you were actually in junior high at the time, but that's when Prop 13 came out and they actually cut the entire drama department. And so I actually took over the drama department and we kept competing and still have some trophies over there from when we won. But.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, because I remember when I was in the 10th grade, we had some drama festivals. Folks.

[Dean Devlin]

Folks.

[Brian Bishop]

Festivals that were. That were running around like guys in berets and black turtleneck sweaters.

[Dean Devlin]

We were the nerds. We were the nerds.

[Brian Bishop]

So you were into drama. I mean, your mom's an actress, your dad's a producer, so.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah, I. I was a guy that you would not have hung out with in high school. I. I had on a Sherlock Holmes hat. I wore bowling shoes, and I walked around with a briefcase.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a weird time.

[Gina Grad]

How do you not remember this, Adam?

[Brian Bishop]

He was a senior.

[Gina Grad]

A lot of guys doing that.

[Brian Bishop]

Dean was a senior when I was in the 10th grade, which is the first year, so I'm basically invisible, just trying to sort of get through it without getting beat up and then getting failed. Had Mr. Diliberti failed me in first quarter.

[Adam Carolla]

So Dean took care of that.

[Brian Bishop]

The first season, the first semester, I.

[Gina Grad]

Failed biology the same year he failed you. He had the rug taken off by Dean the same year.

[Brian Bishop]

That's probably why he failed. What a hero. And then the second. The second semester, Mr. Gregory failed me in driver's ed.

[Dean Devlin]

Oh, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

You failed driver's Ed.

[Brian Bishop]

That's rough. Yeah, I did fail driver's ed.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, like on the written. I mean, how do you fail driver's Ed?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, first off, how's anyone fail? You have to be cursed. And I'm cursed. And people say to me all the time, adam, what do you mean cursed? You have great. You know, you don't have good luck. You don't have good luck. You don't have good luck. I go, no, I don't have good luck. And they go, what do you mean? You got a beautiful wife. Got a beautiful family, got a beautiful home. You got a beautiful business. I go, I made all that shit. That has nothing to do with luck. That has to do with me busting my ass when it comes to luck. Not so much. Yes. I've not had a semi truck collide head on with me when I was driving back to my house. That's true. We're all lucky that way. But there were two guys who taught driver's ed. One was Mr. Gregory and the other. Do you remember the other one?

[Dean Devlin]

Well, in my ear it was the.

[Brian Bishop]

He was the track coach, Mr. Smith.

[Dean Devlin]

Oh, no, mine was the. He was an Iranian guy, Mr. Qureshi or Qurashi.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really? I didn't have. We must have swapped him out. We had Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith was the football coach. And Mr. Smith had a big mustache. He was kind of like from Oklahoma or something. And he kind of reminded me of the quarterback. I'll think of his name in a second. From North Dallas 40, Nick Nolte. He was the receiver, the quarterback. He was like, hey, boop. He was a singer and he was whatever. And we'll think of his name in a second. But anyway, he was like. He was.

[Gina Grad]

It wasn't Kris Kristofferson, was it?

[Brian Bishop]

It was. It was the poor man's version of Kris Kristofferson, who had a little career for a while in the 80s and sung some songs. He was like just a down home farm, homespun guy, folksy. But he was the football coach and I played football.

[Gina Grad]

Played well.

[Brian Bishop]

So thank you.

[Gina Grad]

I've heard from other people. You're kind of shy of talking about it.

[Brian Bishop]

I had a choice. It was a coin toss as to whether I was going to get Mr. Gregory, the super angry asshole who said, you have to write a 20 page report on seat belts or you don't pass this class. Or the super cool guy who was my football coach and had a mustache from Oklahoma.

[Gina Grad]

Which ones you get out.

[Brian Bishop]

I got Mr. Fucking Gregory, who didn't think twice about failing me. And the deal was this. I said, look, he was like, you're gonna have to write a 20 page report on seatbelts. Or.

[Gina Grad]

20 page. I wrote maybe two of those in college.

[Brian Bishop]

Honestly, it could have been 10 and it just sounded like it felt like 20. It was all. It was like him holding a ball at the 50 yard line and going, you're gonna have to split those uprights. And me going, I'm just gonna fake a hamstring pull. Like, I'm not even gonna attempt to fucking try to Kick this. I'm embarrass myself. I can. But I had this sneaking suspicion that if I showed up to every practice and I worked really hard, I'd still make the team. You know what I mean? Like, I'll take all the tests, I'll show up at all the whatever. And I did. And I did. Mack Davis, by the way, is the guy. And I did everything. And at the very end, he just went, well, you showed up at every class, you took everything, you never turned in a report, and now I'm gonna fail you.

[Adam Carolla]

That sucks.

[Dean Devlin]

That's our school.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I did.

[Adam Carolla]

That's our school.

[Dean Devlin]

That was our school.

[Brian Bishop]

Who else did you have? I'm trying to think of. You have Mr. Space.

[Dean Devlin]

I did have Mr. Spae. I did have Mr. He was a legend.

[Brian Bishop]

He was old when you were there.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah, he liked me, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he liked me.

[Dean Devlin]

I. I did well with him.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, did you go off to college?

[Dean Devlin]

I, I. Well, you know, I spent two weeks at NYU before they booted me out.

[Brian Bishop]

You're pulling someone's rug off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right.

[Brian Bishop]

Some had a Mercury. How was it gonna stand for it?

[Dean Devlin]

No, I. It was. It was a strange thing where obviously, having dropped out of high school, I wasn't going to get into a good college. But when I was younger, in junior high, I had won best Filmmaker in California.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Wait, what junior high did you go to Walter Reed? Holy shit. Did you have Mr. Walters or Mr. Hensley?

[Dean Devlin]

I had Mr. Walters.

[Brian Bishop]

Mr. Saponzi, who put you in a donkey squad, used to call me a scrub. Oh, now that. You wouldn't even work your way to donkey.

[Dean Devlin]

He used to call me a scrub. I was on the non strip bench a lot. So, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they had the bench, remember? Well, he had the corral. He had a donkey squad and he had a corral.

[Adam Carolla]

They just never got off the.

[Brian Bishop]

He'd set you with the stoners and the filmmakers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, smart.

[Brian Bishop]

And the Heschers and go over there with the. Go in the corral with the donkeys and sit there.

[Dean Devlin]

But because I had won that award, when I was living in New York, I ran into somebody who went to the school and they treat their.

[Brian Bishop]

How does one win this award in high. In junior high, it was a state.

[Dean Devlin]

Award for high schools and junior highs. Just what was the theme? It was about learning, I guess.

[Brian Bishop]

You make a short.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah, you make a short film. Super 8 In those days, you know, you had to glue it and.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wow. Yeah.

[Dean Devlin]

Soundtrack was on a set tape.

[Adam Carolla]

You beat out like 17 year olds.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah. I beat out the high school kids, I beat out the junior high, all the others in my. And when I was in New York, I ran into someone who was. Was part of the school. And they treat their film school like other colleges treat their football department. So I was kind of like a ringer. So they said, full scholarship, you're in if you want. And I showed up. But I was, I was, I was a Mr. Know It All. And I was in a lot of classes where they were talking about movies that I had actually happened to have been on the set of.

[Brian Bishop]

Because your dad and. Or your mom.

[Dean Devlin]

My dad or my mom. And you know, I remember there was one time, I think the Final Straws. They were talking about a Bob Raphaelson film and they were talking about this shot and they were saying how it was mise en san, that it was designed to crush them into the doorway so that you would feel the tension. And I raised my hand, I said, no, no. That shot was set up by the first AD the director was just passed out drunk and the AD didn't want to move the camera, so he just spun it around. That's not what they wanted to hear.

[Brian Bishop]

They had enough of me.

[Dean Devlin]

And they said, you know, you can go now.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Dean Devlin]

Frankly, I think they were right.

[Gina Grad]

They had a point.

[Brian Bishop]

I think society and time and Independence Day and all these other things, Universal Soldier and all that kind of stuff has proven them wrong. And you. Right. So you left and then went to work in the business.

[Dean Devlin]

So after that I had a series of jobs. I worked for a film rental company selling equipment. But I ended up as Al Pacino's chauffeur. And that was kind of the job that really kind of changed things for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Battle Clash after he lost his sight. No, it was before. All right.

[Dean Devlin]

But he was, he was an awesome guy to work for and he inspired me. And I ended up getting a Broadway play after working with him. And that brought me back to California. I ended up in a movie in Germany and the guy directing it was Roland Emmerich. And we ended up making a partnership. We made movies together for 12 years.

[Brian Bishop]

Uh huh. There was a movie that my friend Robbie, who you probably know, was talking about when he was in the business, the Mother Lode or some sort of gold thing or something. And I can't remember if that was you that was working on it. I don't think it ever got. I'm not sure if it ever got put together. I don't know if this jars anything in your memory or Maybe it was another guy who went to high school. But I remember talking.

[Dean Devlin]

Could have been Mike Beckner.

[Brian Bishop]

He was. Oh, that's right. Went to high school with another guy.

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah, he was Mr. Spec Script in the 90s.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a weird high. Like I said, a weird mishmash of brothers bust in from the inner city.

[Gina Grad]

And just folks, real melting pot.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't know if you're ever gonna see that again. Like that high school had people going to Ivy League schools and people becoming garbage men simultaneously. Just literally going after high school going, I'm going to Stanford. I'm gonna go collect garbage.

[Gina Grad]

Speaking of Stanford, you know where you saw that was in my. Near my hometown.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

In the late 90s when I was leaving high school and the tech thing was starting to take on from the Bay Area and the tech thing was starting to blow up. So you got a lot of people moving in from out of the area who work there for tech jobs. Real educated. But they would bus kids in from East Palo Alto. That's where Dangerous Minds, that Michelle Pfeiffer movie was all about, that was based off of. So you had a weird mix of kids who were, you know, some were very, very poor and some were very, very rich. All at the same school.

[Brian Bishop]

And one kid by the name of Tom Brady.

[Gina Grad]

Different school, different school.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Dean, the librarians. The name of Dean's latest effort. He's got lots of efforts going on the website. Electricentertainment.com TNT8O'. Clock. I highly recommend it. It's a two hour premiere that's coming up November 1st and you want to hang out, do a little news with us?

[Dean Devlin]

Sure, I'd love to.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's do it. Give me the News with Grad.

[Joe Coy]

News with Gina Grad. Showbiz Congress Tech news Forces World news. Give me News with Gina Grad. Weird shit out of Florida Sex surveys. Obama need.

[Brian Bishop]

News with Gina Gina. The News with Gina Grad.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's Southwest. The Southwest Airlines flight from LA to San Francisco was forced to return to to LAX over the weekend after a fight broke out between two passengers. The flight reportedly started. The fight reportedly started when a man became angry that the woman sitting in front of him reclined her seat all the way back when she refused to put her seat back on.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. Yeah, it's a Southwest flight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The maximum you can recline Your seat is 13, 16 of an inch. It's like the max. The max, by the way, if you can recline the exact same amount. If a large dude with A barrel chest simply leans back in one of the chairs in front of you that's not reclined. You will get the exact same amount out of the flex as you do from pushing the button.

[Gina Grad]

The natural give of the seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, and this is from where to where?

[Adam Carolla]

Just from LA to San Francisco.

[Gina Grad]

This is a one hour and ten.

[Brian Bishop]

Minute flight, number one. Number two, you are paying $81 to go on a journey that used to kill people. Can you please just sit there and eat your fucking honey roasted peanuts? And yes, there is a mild discomfort. If you would like to fly privately, we can avoid all this. But the flight will be $21,000. But you paid $81, so there's some savings there.

[Gina Grad]

You sacrifice something for the savings.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna hate this then because when she refused to put her seat back up, the man allegedly choked her. The flight crew broke.

[Gina Grad]

Fella knows what he wants.

[Adam Carolla]

The flight group broke up the fight. Pilot made a decision to return the plane to la. Police were waiting on the ground and escorted the man off the plane. The other 136 passengers on board were eventually transferred to another plane and arrived five hours late.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, first off, God damn you. You got the fucking booze just about removed from every stadium.

[Zoltan]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

It's either 19 bucks for, you know, 9 ounces of Miller Light or you've just got it cut off or and or removed. So no, no booze at college games, you fucking dickheads. You're fucking with the alcoholics. Your, Your, your, your disruptive behavior is going to get the booze removed. The only good part about flying. Is that what you want? Is that what you want? That's where we're heading because we're going to find out the guy who's intoxicated. And I don't know how you can get overserved on a 55 minute flight where you get one light beer and then they're landing and wrestling.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a bad reaction from a peanut allergy.

[Brian Bishop]

You're gonna get removed from the terminal. That's. You're gonna get the fucking booze removed. So. So first things first. Did she recline it prematurely?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think it had anything. It sounds like she was following the rules. He just didn't like you have to be.

[Brian Bishop]

But the flight is basically what the Vomit Comet does. It goes up and it comes down. It's just one big golden arch that goes to the Golden Gate. That's all it is. Wow, that was poetic. Thank you. So you just go right over the top and boom. Lucky Charms, boom, Skittles, rainbow, pow. So that's all it is. So when you're taking off, if somebody reclines their seat, you're kind of within your powers, although those seats don't really recline. But I guess you can say, hey, could you wait until we get to the cruising altitude? And then the person gets on the blower and tells you it's okay to recline the seat. So. And it must have been during takeoff, because at a certain point, 22 minutes in, you're at the fucking halfway point. Like, why not just go to the descent?

[Gina Grad]

Preparing for initial descent.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to know. Because I'm so tired of these pilots turning around. I mean, why didn't he divert to Denver? Like, just go to San versus Santa Barbara.

[Adam Carolla]

You're halfway there, you understand?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, at almost no point, once the landing gear is tucked into the belly, we're in, we're en route to San Francisco.

[Gina Grad]

There's 35 minutes left.

[Brian Bishop]

After that, we will not save any time turning around. And then we're gonna have to get on the blower and tell the tower, who doesn't expect us to come back, that we need to turn around, just fucking land in San Francisco.

[Adam Carolla]

You might have been onto something, because right here at the LA Times, it says Flight 2010 left LA about 10:30pm and landed back at the airport 15 minutes later.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it turns out, so says Gary's looking on the Internet, that had been in the air for about 10 minutes.

[Gina Grad]

That's when you're allowed to do it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's usually getting right to that ding, ding part where you get the lean.

[Gina Grad]

10 minutes is what they say.

[Brian Bishop]

But I'm hoping if we talk to this monster that was behind this woman, and there's no excuse for this, but I'm guessing his argument would be she reclined her seat before we got there. Because the only way to do it is a domino effect.

[Dean Devlin]

But if she did, choking is the appropriate response.

[Brian Bishop]

Clearly not choking, Dean. But not choking out. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Sending a message as long as she remains conscious.

[Brian Bishop]

Light dusting of choking. Yes. Nobody ever died by attempted to. Oh, wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

Armbar. Dean.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

It's mildly annoying to have someone recline in front of you, especially on a Southwest flight, but they're within their right to do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we've all had to move where they go for the premature lean.

[Gina Grad]

Who gives a rat's ass? It's a difference of eight minutes in.

[Brian Bishop]

Your life, and you can then lean yours. So what works is it's basically, it's this it's the concert where the person in front of you stands up and now you have to stand up to see. And now the person behind you, Domino, stands up because you're standing up. This perhaps is a person in front of you stands up and the flight attendant says, you can't stand up for another five minutes. That's the worst case scenario.

[Gina Grad]

I'm with you. It's like at the concert though, being like, oh, he stood during Satisfaction and didn't wait till Wild Horses. It's like, well, it's gonna happen anyway. So why is it upsetting to the tapping now and not in seven and a half minutes? I'm saying makes you a psychopath.

[Brian Bishop]

When they lean it back, if they do it prematurely, then they're in your airspace, so to speak, or against your knees or whatever it is. If you're big enough to choke someone out, I'm with you. You probably got some knees, some knees pushing there and you can't lean yours back because it's prohibited.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

So basically what I'm guessing, and I'm not here to defend fucking animals, but I'm guessing this guy saying, hey, put your seat back up until I can lean mine back. And then we'll do it like Busby Berkeley film.

[Gina Grad]

Put in Dean's language.

[Brian Bishop]

Your dad would appreciate that. All right. Anyway, yeah, don't turn the plane to San Francisco and then everyone get off the fucking plane and then go find a new plane. That's what not haunted by your inner form.

[Adam Carolla]

136 people had to wait 5 hours.

[Brian Bishop]

To get another flight Again, like somebody has their needs. I know, I know. There's zero tolerance for everything all the time. But somebody has to go. Dear God. It's not. We cannot blink our eyes and be on the ground right now. We're going to have to turn around. We're going to have to put the flaps down and the gear down. We're to going have to do all this shit we're gonna do in San Francisco. Can we just stay the course for another 20 minutes and do it that way? And then we'll all end up being where we want to be and this fucking asshole won't have inconvenienced 136 other souls that don't want to wait five hours for a one hour flight because.

[Gina Grad]

Everyone'S upset at the airline and the pilot.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, this notion that we always have to turn around, that's what's fucking us up.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and it's what you do to children. Stop fighting or we'll Turn this thing around. And now we just do it to each other.

[Brian Bishop]

How about we just fucking pin our ears back? Go throttle.

[Gina Grad]

We'll get there faster.

[Adam Carolla]

Faster than zip ties.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well. Erin Andrews has finally revealed how much money she's seeking in her invasion of privacy lawsuit stemming from the 2008 hotel peephole incident. The Fox football reporter and Dancing with the Stars co host was secretly videotaped, if you remember that. Naked in her Tennessee hotel room and is seeking $75 million in damages from Marriott International. She argues that.

[Gina Grad]

Is she suing the hotel?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Listen to this.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the first thing you have to find out for everybody and you're like, why? Why not the scuzzball? The scuzzball that did it doesn't have deep pockets or eight pocket. He's got them inside out. So they always find the deep pocket that's adjacent to whoever crazy scuzzball is.

[Adam Carolla]

Totally. But she might have a point here. She argues that the hotel chain is responsible because an employee told stalker Michael David Barrett what room she was staying in and he set a video recording device through the peephole in her door. The trial.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, wait, he didn't. The Michael. The guy with the three names did it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And since this guy said, oh, yes, right this way, sir. Right now, the Marriott is responsible and the trial is set to begin in February.

[Brian Bishop]

So he just said, is there a guest in what room?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we've talked about this on flights before, too. You can get that insight.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, of course you can get the manifest. Everyone gets. That's what the paparazzi does. But she's not a household name. And she wasn't a household name when this happened. Don't give me that face. Before this happened, I wouldn't know who. Aaron. I wouldn't know if that was a dude or a chick. Well, not before this. Not household. Put the word house and hold.

[Gina Grad]

I gotcha.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. So she stopped most people and said, erin Andrews.

[Adam Carolla]

No idea.

[Brian Bishop]

Not circa. Then this, then Dancing with the Stars.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously, I didn't know who she was. Was not a house.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't. I know there's a lot of sideline reporters. I can't name all of them as Pretty chick number seven. So if you go, like, usually, like, if you pick up the phone in your room and I'll do it, sometimes I'll go, what room is Mike August staying in? Because I'm gonna go meet him or whatever. Though you. They'll oftentimes tell you or sometimes tell you. I don't know what the Policy was seven years ago, whenever happened. But I felt like.

[Gina Grad]

I feel on the reservation they'll tell you, but you can be some guy off the street.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like I have gone to the front desk of a hotel more than once in my life and said to the person behind. I'm looking for so and so who's here? Who's checked into your hotel? Can you have a room?

[Gina Grad]

But you're the guest of the hotel, aren't you? Like you're looking for my doggers you checked in with. Yeah, I don't think they can tell you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so this praises another question. Do you think it was negligence and he didn't know that, or you think he was in cahoots?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the part he's gonna. They're gonna write a check no matter what. She's going to argue that she's scared to get naked. Even alone in the shower. She now showers in a Hefty bag.

[Adam Carolla]

She never knew.

[Brian Bishop]

I would argue that we know your name because of this. You got Dancing with the Stars because of this. And your stock has gone up because of this. And by the way, she should pay. Mary, we didn't beat off to it that much. That'd be part of my argument. I squeezed three off, I got my calf cramped up, and that was it. I moved on. So. So now if the guy. I think if they can prove that this guy gave the guy 100 bucks, then they're totally fucked, Right? If they can prove that there was no malice involved, that it was negligent, but he wasn't trying to hurt anybody. And they said, it's my niece and I want to give her a package, a gift, they'll still get screwed. But if it finds out that this guy had been at this for a while, knew who she was, knew that she was, you know, knew that she was a quasi celebrity and in town to do a television thing and that, then it's gonna get worse.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Save that news story for your show with Garagos. For a reasonable doubt, I'll be curious. He'd have a take on it for sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Either way, they have a lot of money. This is a bad policy. He broke policy. And they shall. Yes, they shall pay. But they'll really pay if they found out that she was who she was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I would assume that in this situation, lawyers always aim high. I wonder how close to 75 million is actually logical.

[Gina Grad]

Good luck getting half of that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I think they're just shooting for. Shooting for the moon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, news reports that the LA School district temporarily banned production companies from filming on its properties after an investigative report from OH revealed that a porno had been shot at one of its high schools a few years ago. Revenge of the Petites was filmed at Alexander Hamilton high school in October 2011 and included public nudity during a car wash scene filmed in the school's parking lot. This should hit the school district pretty hard as commercial filming generated $10 million for the district over the past five years. Where that's money. Money's going, I have no idea. But 10 million in the last five years.

[Brian Bishop]

So they got some porn going in there?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Revenge of the.

[Gina Grad]

The petition. They suspended all filming.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. For LA district.

[Gina Grad]

Dean, your take as a food producer.

[Brian Bishop]

They have zero tolerance. Why can't we vet this? You can't vet a porn company versus Universal would be able to do that.

[Gina Grad]

I feel like if Universal comes and proposes, they'll probably accept. I think it's probably more, but it's.

[Brian Bishop]

One of these things where it's the LA unified version of Turning the flight around, which is like we have zero tolerance.

[Adam Carolla]

We haven't films.

[Brian Bishop]

Baby, in the bathroom, stop at your fucking zero tolerance. Start using your brain. I pay tax. I don't want to leave $10 million on the fucking table. I'll leave $9,000,987 on the fucking table, but you can save. So when the. When the. When somebody named Duke Bonerton shows up from the Vivid Company and he just had his balls waxed and he offers you a Red Bull, he wants you to comment on his 25 inch triple chrome rims on his Hummer. That's canary yellow, that guy. Yeah. And he offers you a rock star. Rock star pulls a rock star out of his fucking crack and hands it to you. That's a guy you can investigate a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam. That's profiling, right?

[Gina Grad]

But when Dean Devlin wants to shoot the librarians, you give him the master key.

[Brian Bishop]

Take his fucking money, you idiots.

[Dean Devlin]

However, if they've shot there before me, then, you know, a Little Soap's not bad.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, Little Soap's not bad.

[Brian Bishop]

Not bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this story isn't for you, Adam, but I think it's probably more for Lynette. You can now buy the house where Bruce Springsteen wrote his Born to Run album for under $300,000. Springsteen lived in the Long Branch, New Jersey, two bedroom in 1974 and 1975 and is said to have written all the songs for his breakthrough album there. Billboard reports that it's been owned since 2009 by three fans who intend to turn it into some kind of shrine but weren't able to. So the asking price is 299, 000.

[Brian Bishop]

We checked it out on Zillow.

[Zoltan]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's at 234 Maple Drive. They yell it at you that way? Yeah. He knew.

[Gina Grad]

Why are we still doing a show?

[Brian Bishop]

Shopping around for a house. This one's at 7 4. Oh no, no.

[Gina Grad]

Let me give it a shot.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh no, no, no. We need something at 23 4.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, this one's at 1892 and a half. Not gonna work. Unit B.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Gina Grad]

Detached single family.

[Philip Keane]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Wow. Under 300 grand.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Make a little museum out of it. Okay, well, bail has been set at $75,000 for a Chicago area father after his 6 year old son shot his 3 year old brother with a gun that the father purchased to protect himself from gang members who believed he was a snitch. The father had warned his oldest son not to touch the.32 caliber gun he kept wrapped in an old pair of pajama pants on top of the refrigerator. But the boy still got a hold of the gun and accidentally shot and killed his little brother while eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese. The 25 year old father now faces charges of felony child endangerment and causing death. So he's being held responsible for this.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, couple things. Obviously tragic, but if you're gonna go eating Mac and cheese has to be the way you want to go.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I'm saying?

[Gina Grad]

It's a grizzly detail, but. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I'm just saying, like we're gonna die in a car or in the arms of a whore.

[Gina Grad]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Or something like that. But I feel like eating ranch fucking Mac and cheese.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing what you love.

[Brian Bishop]

That is doing what you love when you're three, number one. Number two. Problem with being a snitch is you sound like more of a snitch when you deny it. What? Fellas, come on.

[Philip Keane]

I love you guys.

[Brian Bishop]

How could I be a snitch on you guys? You're wonderful.

[Gina Grad]

I'm the last guy who would snitch.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like it sounds. Your. Your non snitchy excuses sound more snitchy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And what the fuck? Anyway, he does look like a snitch, doesn't he?

[Gina Grad]

He looks like he was going for the C. Everett coupe thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he's gonna be safe in prison now.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah. No problems there.

[Brian Bishop]

And his. He had his gun on top of the fridge.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, it was safe to be fair. It Was wrapped in pajama pants on.

[Brian Bishop]

Top of the fridge and the six year old got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, probably climbed up, I gotta say.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, it's an interesting thing. It's a first world problem. But all of the houses I've lived in since I've had kids have had the fridge that's built into the cabinetry. Which again, it's a first world problem because when you're poor like I grew up, that fridge just pushed against the wall, you know what I mean? And the cat would sit on top of the fridge. That's where the cat hung out. Was warm. She was king of all she surveyed. And when the little kids came running around, she was like in a nice perch place. But every house I grew up in just had the fridge. And the fridge was like. It was a good place to set things that you didn't want other folks. And maybe not the six year old, but the three year old. You can set shit on there. Not now with the big sub zero and the hardwood oak with the Roman Ochi finish on it and the raised panel and the self closing euro hinges.

[Gina Grad]

I'm fucked. Nothing goes on top of the fridge anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

See, poor people think I don't have problems.

[Gina Grad]

No, they think we got it so good.

[Brian Bishop]

No, you, you and Dean, you know what I have on the fridge? I got a fucking cabinet up there. Now there's a tray with full extension accurate slides on each side of it. But it's still a tray, right? It's not the satisfaction of placing the shit on top of the fridge. Remember those days? Don't you yearn for those days, Dean?

[Dean Devlin]

The mini fridge.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the mini fridge.

[Gina Grad]

The halcyon days.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the most built in of all fridges. Exactly. By the way, the mini fridge is the rich man, poor man of refrigerators. Like if you have a mini fridge, you're either doing horribly or it's by your pool.

[Gina Grad]

Outdoor kitchen.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the question is, do you only have have a mini fridge?

[Brian Bishop]

Right. The, the whole thought, the whole premise behind a rich man, rich man, poor man, started with showering out. Having an outdoor shower means you're either doing incredibly well for yourself or you're bottomed out. The. The mini fridge. The mini fridge.

[Gina Grad]

So this guy was afraid of like gangsters or whoever. Like breaking into his house and finding.

[Brian Bishop]

Him, the guy with the gun, grabbing.

[Adam Carolla]

The pajama pants off the top of.

[Gina Grad]

The fridge, he said, you know what he should have done?

[Dean Devlin]

Quick, let me get my pajamas. There's someone breaking in.

[Brian Bishop]

He should have gone with simplisafe. Smarter home security. No aggressive sales guys. No hardwired systems. No long term lock in contracts. Easy go online, customize your system. A few days later, package shows up at the door, and there it is. And it's up and running in 20 minutes. That's right around the clock protection. Just 15 bucks a month. No long term lock in contracts. Get the same protection as I get. I got one of these for my new house. Mike August gets it. Dawson got it. And if you need to take it with you, pop it off and take it with you, go to simply S I, M P L I. Simplisafeadam.com get 10% off. That's simplisafeadam.com 10% off. Independence Day coming out. So it's coming out. 4th of July, 2016.

[Dean Devlin]

2016.

[Brian Bishop]

2016.

[Dean Devlin]

On the 20 year anniversary of the first one.

[Brian Bishop]

What names can you talk about?

[Dean Devlin]

Well, Liam Hemsworth is in the picture. Jeff Goldblum's come back. Judd Hirsch came back. We even brought Brent Spiner back.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, so it's pretty cool. And it's exactly 20 years from the first one. And it's sort of real time.

[Dean Devlin]

It's real time, but, you know, it's an alternative history, you know, in other words, like the World Trade center was never knocked over by Al Qaeda because the aliens had already knocked it down in 96. Right. So there's a whole kind of parallel history from 96 till today.

[Brian Bishop]

What is approximately the budget for a movie like this? A boatload over 100 million.

[Gina Grad]

Put it in layman's terms.

[Dean Devlin]

Although you're not, not, not crazy, not like a lot of movies that are coming out today. I mean, we did it for a reasonable price, considering there's 2,000 effect shots in it.

[Brian Bishop]

What, what is, what is today's Titanic? I mean, in terms of, is it 250 million? I mean, there are films that are.

[Dean Devlin]

Being shot for that kind of money. We're not anywhere near that ballpark.

[Brian Bishop]

We're gonna get by like a buck 35. Scraping rice. Who's doing the movie?

[Dean Devlin]

It's. It's that 20th Century Fox.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, man, I'm tumescent. All right, let's do one more.

[Adam Carolla]

You got it. Well, if you thought Kanye west running for president was crazy, wait till you hear what other celeb wants to make a run for the White House. Lindsay Lohan announced her political aspirations on Instagram Friday. She wrote, quote, hashtag 2020, I may run for president. Let's do this. Kanye West. Thank you for inspiring us to be Better people. She also posted a picture of herself with Kanye and wrote, the first thing I would like to do as president is take care of all the children suffering in the. Queen Elizabeth showed me how by having me in her country.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that was at the Wax Museum, sweetheart. You were really drunk. She wasn't talkative, but a lot of knowing nods.

[Gina Grad]

I can see it already.

[Brian Bishop]

She's Brevity's the soul of wit. Yeah, she was a Madame Tussauds. She probably ran into a lot of celebrities that night.

[Gina Grad]

It's a star studded party.

[Dean Devlin]

Everyone was there.

[Gina Grad]

Monroe was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Arnold Schwarzenegger in Costa.

[Brian Bishop]

D Arbuckle, Terminator there, Winston Churchill. The dignitaries came out that night, kept offering to light Sir Winston's cigar for him. You wouldn't have any of it.

[Adam Carolla]

He's having none of it.

[Gina Grad]

Alien from Independence Day.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Jesus Christ isn't. Look, I don't know what her status is, but she can just have sex with guys for a lot of money now, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure she's like a prostitute. Well, remember wasn't she living or going to live in Monte Carlo because her friend owned the hotel? I think there's a little bit of that going around.

[Brian Bishop]

There's the thing where you have. As a woman who is 30, 29.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, she might still be in her 20s.

[Brian Bishop]

As a 29 year old woman whose name everyone we recognize, you have your vagina behind some glass and a little ball peen hammer that you can break in case of emergency. Right.

[Gina Grad]

It's only good for so long.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But if you.

[Gina Grad]

There's a window, there's really.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but you got to break it with the hammer. Yeah. If you. If you really. She's 29.

[Philip Keane]

There you go.

[Brian Bishop]

Until July when the movie premieres. Now if the wheels completely, utterly come off the wagon and Hollywood stops calling and there's nothing else to do but get a job at a hot dog on a stick, you can always just break that glass and head on over to one of the OPEC nations. UAE live in some air conditioning. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think you're right. I think she'll always land on her feet.

[Gina Grad]

Feet. Ish.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the window closes in about six years, but yes, it's there.

[Gina Grad]

At that point it's very closed.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I'm saying? And I'm not talking about like I'm taking money for sex. I can live a kind of a life. I can have a place where I don't really pay a mortgage and I drive a pretty cool car and this guy does that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. God bless.

[Brian Bishop]

Not that far from what goes on in Hollywood quite often, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Isn't that what goes on here?

[Brian Bishop]

I hope so. That's why I got Dean now.

[Dean Devlin]

I know you're back.

[Brian Bishop]

I can't believe you pulled Deliberde's rug off.

[Dean Devlin]

I did, I did.

[Brian Bishop]

God, that was ballsy.

[Gina Grad]

Did you see all this happening with Randy Quaid?

[Dean Devlin]

Actually, no. I was really saddened when I heard about what was happening because he was.

[Brian Bishop]

A really lovely dude.

[Dean Devlin]

I mean, he couldn't have been more fun on set. He was. He had no ego. He was sweet. So when I started hearing about all the troubles, man, it was. It was pretty sad.

[Brian Bishop]

And Will Smith back then, geez, 20 years ago, that was his first big role, kind of getting started. I mean, we knew him from TV and some rapping and some stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Men in Black.

[Gina Grad]

This was before Men in Black.

[Brian Bishop]

Three years he had done.

[Dean Devlin]

What happened is, when we were writing the script, he had done Six Degrees. And we thought, you know, for a black rapper to play a gay guy took a lot of balls, right? So we thought, this guy is fearless. And we kind of thought about him for the part, and we pushed hard for him. And at the time, we were actually told, you'll kill the foreign on this if you put a black guy in the movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, lovely.

[Dean Devlin]

And we just kept fighting for him, fighting for him. And then bad boys came out, and that finally convinced them to let us.

[Adam Carolla]

Take the chance we could open a movie.

[Dean Devlin]

Exactly, exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just, again, the folks who just do the. You're gonna kill the foreign if you put the brother in it. Circa 1995, and the movie's 96, but pre production here. How do you argue with them? Like, that's the point. That's why I hate all these dickheads. Because you can't go, oh, no, it's not. The foreign folks will embrace the brother with open arms. Like, you can't. They do a lot of that. If you do this, it's gonna be that. And you're like, you can't say no. It's like when they go, oh, that joke's a seven, but this one's an eight. You go, how are you supposed to argue with that?

[Dean Devlin]

I had that on another picture, and it was a different studio, but they argued about the Denzel Washington movie, you know, when he was in the. He was fighting for his kid in the hospital to get care. You remember that film?

[Adam Carolla]

What was that called?

[Dean Devlin]

I'm forgetting the name of it. But apparently it bombed around the world. And they used that as an example. And I have to say that's because around the world, they don't have to put up a gun to get health care.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, also, it's John Q. Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Is that it?

[Brian Bishop]

It might be John Q. Yeah, I.

[Gina Grad]

Remember it was John something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And you're comparing olives to olives, but one's a black olives and the other's a green one. That's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is it's so easy to go, we're gonna take this movie that didn't do that well. That was kind of a bummer, that. Look, the foreign market wants big action, over the top, special effects, things blowing up, blah, blah, blah. And you're taking to this little film about this guy who can't get health care for his son. That is hardly a good example. But again, they always throw one up, and again, all you can call them is a liar or say thank you. But I'm gonna ignore your advice or whatever it is. But there's. God bless you for pushing through that. And it is. It's so easy now to go, oh, come on, Will Smith, goddamn, he was great in that. What are you talking about?

[Gary]

He's in.

[Brian Bishop]

NFL Superstars, like, had none of it back then.

[Dean Devlin]

And we even had some actors turn down the movie because they said, oh, you have too many TV actors in the picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, well, who turned it down? Matt Perry, ironically.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, come now.

[Brian Bishop]

Because we have too many two television.

[Dean Devlin]

Actors in the movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Trying to think of all the. That. Well, Will Smith and Judge Judd Hirsch.

[Gina Grad]

And Brent Spiner was a was on Star Trek.

[Dean Devlin]

Right, right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, history has been kind. It has been to you and to Dillberti's rug. I will get the occasional tweet from him saying, I heard. Talking shit about me. Well, I have. I have in the past. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, Mr. Deliberte.

[Brian Bishop]

He's contacted me before. Casserole. That's what you should put in the new rocket ships that you're using on this movie. Fall means lots of short trips, and you got to go to practice, you got to go to school, you got to pick the kids up. 75% engine wear occurs when. Well, the first 20 minutes when you're warming up. Let's not do that. Let's use casserole GTX magnetek. You guys tweet me your little pictures of you dumping in the casserole. Dump it in the truck, dump it in the sedan. I love it. Some got the quartz, some get the big gallon size right in the funnel. Intelligent molecules cling to the critical engine parts. No warm up needed. Try Casserole GTX Magnatech today. Available at all major retailers and quick lube centers. Casserole GTX Magnetek. Okay, me doing some signings. I'll sign some bottles of Mangria. That'll be in Benny's. Binny's. I should say. Clark Street. 6:30 on Saturday and Friday. Holiday Market. 6:30 as well.

[Gina Grad]

It's in Michigan.

[Brian Bishop]

In Michigan, yeah. That one was at a different time. Maybe I'm making that up. Anyway, go to AdamCrolit.com youm can find out where I'm gonna be. Me and Dennis Prager getting together in December 12th at the Ace Hotel in downtown. Check that out. Take a knee. Jay Duplass, he's on there. Of the Duplass brothers. Interesting story. Oh, thank you. Road Hard, my movie.

[Philip Keane]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

We put a brother in there. We knew it would kill foreign, but we put David Alan Greer there anyway because I got a little something called Moxie. Road Hard, available on DVD as we speak. And of course, Amazon. Lord of the Jungle. You tweet us your picture of your receipt with LotJ and we're gonna honor a participant with a little bit of love. Coming up. We always do it. We'll do it each week. You get some hats, you get some mugs. Promescent. Check that out on to Amazon. Check out the positive reviews and tell us about it. So until next time, Adam Kroll for Joe Coy, Dean Devlin, Gina Grant and bald Brian saying, mahalo. I'll only suck your cock if it was rolled in fecal jimmies.

[Gina Grad]

All right, this Adam Krill Show 1684 from 2015. Coming up next, we have Adam Krill Show 1427, featuring Philip Keane, Ray Oldhoffer, Allison Rose Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day. Allison Rosen.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Hello, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Carolla and Baldwin. YOLO, man.

[Gina Grad]

Team McLaren says you got to play that one more often with the hashtag top drop.

[Brian Bishop]

Ray, Old Hoffer's in studio. I've known ray for near 40 years. I'd say Ray's gonna do a little. Just the tip. Ray's, as I say, and I hope you take this in the spirit in which it's intended.

[Gina Grad]

He won't.

[Gary]

It's going good already.

[Brian Bishop]

The contractors are so bad in the city that Ray is in demand. He's in demand. Congratulations. He's in demand like. Like a dude with titties in the joint. You know what I mean? Like. Well, what I'm saying is, like, A dude with titties outside of the joint.

[Gary]

Pussy. How does that come?

[Brian Bishop]

Butt pussy. A guy with titties outside of the joint. Not in demand per se, but man fun bags.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

In the joint.

[Brian Bishop]

But in the joint. No, the whole. You know, I think Richard Speck. You guys remember that crazy videotape and he's like undergoing gender reassignment and doing tons of drugs, doing coke and stuff.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Because he wanted to be more popular.

[Gina Grad]

Is this more about prison?

[Brian Bishop]

Huh? No, it was like one of these things where it's like. Well, you know, he killed. Killed seven nursing students and now he's, you know, partying in prison, like doing drugs. And some videotape came out before he died, but he was like. He had like man tits and like people, people would feel him and stuff and he, you know, guys would kind of check it out. Look at the black dude now. Who do you feel more sorry for? Richard Speck, who's dead, or the black guy who's out right now and has to look at this video of him checking out the dude. It's like the man tits. All right. I like to hear the dialogue either way.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I like the tube socks.

[Gary]

Did he call it a 6 inch clit?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know, Ray. Why do you even have to go there? No, look at that.

[Gary]

Look what the fuck we were just looking at, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm making a joke, you dick. You see what I grew up. The fuck. See what I had to grow up with this bunch of fucking assholes. Shut up. You're not funny. Why are you talking? Be quiet. No one's want to hear what you. You have to say. Sorry.

[Dean Devlin]

Look.

[Gary]

Silence.

[Brian Bishop]

Now be nice.

[Gary]

It would be.

[Brian Bishop]

It would be. When people do that, can we get along? Can we? Well, judging by your super snarky response, I'm going to go with no.

[Gina Grad]

So, Ray, did you take the compla salt about your. Your abilities in the spirit in which he's in?

[Gary]

Fantastic.

[Brian Bishop]

He is in demand, Ray.

[Gina Grad]

You can't sound shocked when you say it.

[Gary]

I really want you and Skip to come by one of my jobs.

[Joe Coy]

I shall.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, Ray does.

[Gary]

Please do.

[Brian Bishop]

He does good work.

[Gina Grad]

What if you had to bust a contractor? It was Ray.

[Brian Bishop]

It could happen.

[Gary]

Awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so Ray's here. We're gonna do a little. Just a tip. I was. I miss you leaving. Doing a little ADR session for my movie. And I saw the guy, he's wearing, a 40 year old guy's wearing an Evil Dead T shirt. You know, big zombie on it. And I thought first off, like evil Dead feels like something that was translated from Korean or something. Like it was named. Like violence fight for video game.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

That's scary.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right. Also, there's no gregarious dead, as far as I can tell. And then I just looked at the person next to me and I go, what the fuck's up with zombies? What are we preparing for with the zombie stuff? And by the way, like people go, hey man, you should really get into whatever zombie related, whatever. And I go, why? So when a fucking zombie conversation breaks out amongst other 40 something year olds, I can contribute. What the fuck do we care about zombies? How about we build something? How about you make something, write a fucking book. Like, why is everyone sitting around talking? Why are adult males enthralled with zombies?

[Gary]

Are they really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. It's big. It's big fucking business. It's big Z. It's big business. This zombie shit is like, there's a new zombie show every 10 minutes and everyone seems to give a shit. Who thought that we'd be that out of problems, that 43 year old guys could really be heavily influenced by zombies. Like that. We're really gonna have like zombie conversations, zombie chat rooms. What the with the zombies?

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I don't watch Walking Dead, but I hear it's very addictive. There's got to be people who watch it in this building.

[Brian Bishop]

But there are like eight zombie related TV shows on right now and three movies. Yeah, I'm just saying, like, isn't that the kind of shit you sort of get out of your system somewhere around your 13th birthday? Why all the zombie and vampire. There's a new vampire movie out and this one's. This is a totally realistic vampire movie. It's not your grandfather's vampire movie. This is a hard edge vampire movie. Who gives a fuck?

[Gary]

What did we have when we were kids, zombie wise?

[Brian Bishop]

We had there, you know, we had the Invisible man, which, you know, really didn't pose much of a threat.

[Gina Grad]

True.

[Brian Bishop]

He could be sitting on that chair or he may be in the next room, we don't know. He just touched me. He could get run over. Oh, I didn't see you there. My trolley car. Yeah, we had an invisible man. We had a mummy. The mummies just wrapped in toilet paper. Move super slow.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I was gonna say. What do you think's the next comeback? Is it gonna be mummies, gonna be werewolves?

[Gary]

Creatures from the black Lagoon?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know, whatever. All I know is the whole fucking zombie.

[Gary]

He was like a zombie mermaid who.

[Brian Bishop]

Was a creature from the black. No, he Was just a guild. Whatever says you.

[Gina Grad]

Gotcha there.

[Gary]

I thought it was. Yeah. Remember Sigmund? We had Sigmund the sea monster too.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Ray. No, no, just random aquatic riffing place. Kaelin loves walking dead. Other things that exist in water, sea monkeys, abalone. Just keep throwing things out. There you go.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Paramecium.

[Brian Bishop]

You like Kaelin. You like the Walking Den?

[Philip Keane]

Less so as the seasons go on.

[Brian Bishop]

But I was a big, big fan at one point. What are you getting out of it?

[Philip Keane]

Well, I read the comic books first.

[Brian Bishop]

We're finished. Jesus Christ. What I'm saying is that's full time here, isn't he?

[Ray Oldhoffer]

He was.

[Brian Bishop]

Are we. Are we all just sitting in some waiting room, like, waiting to die? Like.

[Gina Grad]

I think if you're on the Walking Dead.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I think people. I think it's escapist entertainment. I think that's what it is. I would imagine. I don't mean to shit on your point, but with the Walking Dead.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I know it. I know it's all.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I imagine it's less zombies than just a story that you can get lost in.

[Brian Bishop]

It's all. It all is escapism. I mean, that's all it is. I mean, that's what everything is. But how much escaping do we really want to do in our adult lives?

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Like, first off, are your video games becoming. Do you feel too grounded when you do that? So you need to go to another world.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm saying. There's flat panel TVs, there's pornography everywhere. You have a computer, you can look up anything you want. You can essentially become an expert on any topic. If you gave yourself a weekend. Why do we need to escape so much?

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I do wonder what the whole zombie thing represents though. I mean, I imagine if I were writing a paper about it, I would say that we've turned into zombies with all of our devices. Is that why it's bothering us?

[Brian Bishop]

Why? What is it?

[Gina Grad]

I was gonna say it's oncoming. Inevitable death. The zombies will never stop. They're coming after your brains.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It is the worst.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

So says the guy with cancer.

[Brian Bishop]

There is.

[Gina Grad]

Don't want to eat your brains.

[Brian Bishop]

There is a definite. There's a definite sort of weird narcissistic obsession with death that were. We happen to be aware of that and because we happen to be aware of it, we're really the only creature around that does know that. Then it just becomes big business making shows that have that as a theme. Either way, I'm fucking done with zombies. I'm certainly done with 40 year old dudes in the zombies.

[Gina Grad]

Did you see World War Z?

[Brian Bishop]

That I would watch.

[Gina Grad]

That's a good. That's a solid movie. I really enjoyed that one. I don't know if anyone else saw.

[Brian Bishop]

It, but Brad Pitt.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, really good. Liked a lot zombies. Yeah. Yes. Not traditional. They're fast moving zombies.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Gina Grad]

So it's a little bit change of the genre.

[Gary]

Oh, we did have Omega Man.

[Brian Bishop]

I like the Omega Man. That's right. Chuck Heston.

[Gina Grad]

That's where Will Smith remake I Am Legend.

[Brian Bishop]

That was a good one. All right.

[Gina Grad]

Into good things.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Gary]

50. 50.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Ray, you have a tip, right? How many days did you miss your senior year of high school again?

[Gary]

Out of 100, what is it?

[Brian Bishop]

162 days potentially that you could attend high school in your senior year?

[Gary]

110. I missed.

[Brian Bishop]

They still graduated yet?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Do you think they wanted you to. Did they want you to leave?

[Gary]

I had to get my hustle to graduate, believe me.

[Brian Bishop]

What'd you do?

[Gary]

Forged documents, whole nine work experience, this, that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gary]

You know.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Gary]

And I had Mr. Hansen.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I think he was attracted. Deal. Yeah.

[Gary]

So I won him over.

[Brian Bishop]

Mr. Tomi was not a fan of mine.

[Gary]

You never. I mean you got the raw deal and all that kind of stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

I never had good counselors or good teachers. It was the shitty one.

[Gary]

You were charming too. And you had a gift, a gab like you do now. But you couldn't talk your way out of a D. Ray couldn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Ray and I took the same.

[Gary]

And I was there last.

[Brian Bishop]

You got a better grade. We got the same English class. Ray showed up 1.3 out of the five days. I showed up every day. I got a D. Ray got a B minus in the class. And at the end he was mocking me. I didn't even show up. And I got a baby. How'd that work out? How did you get. Was that Mr. Tompkins?

[Gary]

Probably. I don't know which teacher.

[Brian Bishop]

Then it was Mr. Tompkins.

[Gary]

I would have like, you know, my friends blow him. So it worked out.

[Brian Bishop]

You would have your friends blow him?

[Dean Devlin]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Shut up. All right, Ray, you have a tip for us?

[Gary]

I do.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's hear it.

[Gary]

And you want to know what? This segment sponsored by MaximaStyle.com, best selection on energy saving LED light bulbs like the ones we use in this studio. And we have like 112 here and.

[Brian Bishop]

All the fixtures too.

[Gary]

And throughout Adam's life, meaning his homes, his warehouses. I think I counted like 562 for.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyone who's driven insane when they come home and the closet light is on and the door shut and nobody's home or the bathroom lights on and nobody's home or no one's in that part of the house.

[Zoltan]

House.

[Brian Bishop]

The LED bulbs will be a life. Emotionally, they've saved my life more than any therapy. Any discussion, really, honestly.

[Gary]

I'll call one of your dad tomorrow.

[Brian Bishop]

Ask him about LED bulbs.

[Gary]

He'll have no idea.

[Brian Bishop]

That's true.

[Gary]

Is that on the roof?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. The point is, I leave the house and I rest assured knowing that if anything's left on, it doesn't matter. It's all led.

[Gary]

And, hey, so go to M A X X I M a style dot com. Do that.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you got?

[Zoltan]

Right.

[Gary]

So, Ace, you know you're drifling through the drawer.

[Gina Grad]

I know it's your first time doing the segment, but we play an intro.

[Gary]

No, I know. I hate this intro.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why you do talk over it. Yeah. It's time for the only thing that's good about your segment. Just the tip Zombie fake.

[Gary]

Is it, Ace? Nailing your rifle and through your drawer. You're looking for your tweezer, your scissor, your whatever. Nail clipper.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Gary]

Here's what you do. Take a magnetic strip. Tip tape. Magnetic tape.

[Brian Bishop]

Magnetic tape.

[Gary]

Magnetic tape. Put it on the back of the medicine cabinet, stick all that shit up there, you'll never lose it. Easily find a bone.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, they have. I do know they have the magnetic. Not tape, but like just a strip that, you know, put your screwdrivers on and that kind of stuff. Like in a workshop.

[Gary]

They have both.

[Brian Bishop]

They have magnetic tape.

[Gary]

Yes. Adhesive one side, magnet the other.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Where does someone get this?

[Gary]

It's called a hardware store.

[Brian Bishop]

Never heard of it. I think one could go to Amazon and they could go to Adamparolla.com and click through our banner and do it that way.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

But it'll arrive stuck to us on the roof.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. You get a Buick with it.

[Gary]

So you tape that to the. To the back end of your medicine cabinet. Open up. What do you have? Your nail file. Clipper. Scissor.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm down.

[Gary]

Tweezer.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm down.

[Gary]

I'm not done naming shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know there's many more things that live in the sea and many more metallic items.

[Gary]

Paperclip, zombie abalone.

[Brian Bishop]

But can I say this, Ray? Yeah.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like when I shut the door, I'm gonna hear a lot of noise of stuff falling off. Like I'm Gonna shut it a little too vigorously.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

You know, it happens on faulty refrigerator magnets.

[Brian Bishop]

I think I should put it on the back of the medicine cabinet and stick it there so that when I shut the door, it doesn't slide off or what have you.

[Gary]

We'll call that your way.

[Brian Bishop]

The other way is probably preferable.

[Gary]

By the way, you can also do it. You know what? You can do it. Your front door. You walk in, look to the left. Because most people don't live as opulently as you do.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Gary]

Like a credenza or whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they can't afford a credenza. That's right. Hey, I have a mink credenza.

[Philip Keane]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

In my. In my Fourier.

[Gary]

Okay. If you could pronounce it, it'd be foyer. So anyway, you can do it right there, too.

[Brian Bishop]

Put it by the front door.

[Gary]

Front door.

[Philip Keane]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

Keep your keys?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What else?

[Gary]

Probably just keys.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Gina Grad]

I'm a big fan of the metal. The metal block. We have one for our knives in the kitchen, one in the garage for, like. We have a wrench up there, you know, a box cutter. Anything metal, you just stick up there and never have to. Where is that thing?

[Gary]

It's just taking it to another degree.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Use the. Use the magnet.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I'm. I'm down with this because I think we've all fiddled around for the tweezers or the nail clippers a little bit too often. All right, that's good.

[Gary]

You like that one?

[Brian Bishop]

I like that one. Matt, I want some magnetic tape. Tell the porcelain punisher to go to Amazon, get a magnetic tape.

[Gary]

I'd like to thank MaximaStyle.com use coupon code Adam. That's this guy. For additional savings.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Thanks for the tip.

[Gina Grad]

I had no idea you hated that.

[Brian Bishop]

He claims to, but it's awesome. Matt did it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I like it.

[Brian Bishop]

And Matt's girlfriend. Matt, It's a lady friend.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I've decided zombies represent aging. That's what I've decided in the last minute. I mean, I was listening to your.

[Gina Grad]

Tip, but also another way of phrasing what I said.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Yeah, no, I know.

[Gary]

Of aging. It's vanity.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

But just. I think that what they. I mean, if you.

[Adam Carolla]

If.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

When you're a little kid and you're around a sick old person, that person seems like a zombie. And then there's the sadness of their death. And all that, I think, is turned into zombies.

[Gary]

But wasn't Brad Pitt a zombie? In what, like, some Ayn Rand?

[Ray Oldhoffer]

No, vampire. Totally different. Totally different.

[Gary]

But here's like 700 years old and hot.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree that it.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Opposite of zombies.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree that it. There's something, it speaks to within people, but please try to ignore it, everybody. You don't have to give in to all the things that sort of go, well, that's preying upon my fill in the blank. Like you don't have to go there with everything, you understand? Oh yeah, we can move on from zombies.

[Gary]

Halloween's coming up.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Halloween. If it's fucking 97 degrees outside on fucking Halloween, I will sharpen a gourd and fall on it.

[Gina Grad]

It might be.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm fucking so fucking done with this goddamn heat. I'm going insane. It's frying my fucking brain. I can't deal with it anymore. And for some reason, the crazy heat with the Halloween decorations, like when I see the hay bale and the pumpkin sitting on there and the corn, you know, it's apocalyptic. It really is weird because it doesn't. It's looking at something that just screams fall. But it's 102 degrees outside.

[Gary]

I feel like all outside right now too. You find it everywhere.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

The heat is winning. Cuz I looked at my car temperature today and I saw 97 and I didn't even react.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like, yes, I know.

[Gary]

I saw Christmas decorations for sale already.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah.

[Gary]

Yeah, it's depressing.

[Brian Bishop]

2016, it's that bad.

[Gary]

Got it.

[Gina Grad]

The glasses they wear in Times Square. Happy New Year.

[Brian Bishop]

Now we're getting a fucking jump on everything.

[Gary]

Zombie ornaments.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's. Ray, you had line five. Noah, you had the bench press record in, in our junior high, didn't you?

[Gary]

I did.

[Brian Bishop]

Didn't you? Or did Alex, what's his name take it from you?

[Gary]

No, I had it.

[Brian Bishop]

You had it?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Reggie Noah. Reggie Patton.

[Gary]

Yeah. Reggie Patton almost beat me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, okay.

[Gary]

He was a small black man.

[Brian Bishop]

No way. Big Lance Noah.

[Zoltan]

Hey, what's up, bro?

[Brian Bishop]

What's going on?

[Zoltan]

I was just wondering. I'm a big fan. I love everything that you stand for. But you never talk about how much you can bench press.

[Brian Bishop]

I should do more. Adam, I don't think I can do anything anymore. I can do 50 push ups.

[Gary]

No, you can't.

[Brian Bishop]

I can, but no, not fucking in front of you, Ray, because Ray's one of those guys where you get down and you goes, one, one, one. You're not locked out. One. Your chest didn't make contact. One, one. And then he does them and he moves about four inches each time. Two, four, six, 800. There you go. And then you do. It was like 1, 1, 1. There's. By the way, there could be no more annoying guy than the guy keeps saying one or. No, actually, there's more annoying guy.

[Zoltan]

Guy.

[Brian Bishop]

The guy gives you two. One, two, three, three, three, three.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

And now have a guy that counts down. Five, four, three, two, one, and a third.

[Brian Bishop]

Then he fucking. Yes. And then you're. But now you're fucking beat red and you're in a push up position and you're arguing, expending all your fucking energy.

[Gary]

Do 25. I won't say a fucking word. Do 25. Come on.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, if that'll be great, 25.

[Gary]

Just do 25. I won't say a word.

[Brian Bishop]

No, tell me. You can tell me if they're bad. All right, I'm just. Look, I have exceedingly long arms. I'm not locking out all the way.

[Gary]

I'm not asking.

[Brian Bishop]

I do a slightly modified. Okay.

[Gary]

All right. Come on.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ.

[Gary]

Take your cans off. You guys better start talking. It's gonna give you my chance.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, boy. You want to grab one of my man titties before I do this? All right. Oh, boy. All right, you. You guys, just 25. All right? And you tell me if this is a real push up.

[Gary]

We'll be honest.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

All right?

[Gary]

Since Allison exclusive video, I take a.

[Gina Grad]

Juan.

[Gary]

Is that how you're going to start?

[Zoltan]

Make sure he's going down.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

These look like real push ups to me.

[Gina Grad]

The going down is not the problem.

[Brian Bishop]

Should have his head up. Straightforward.

[Gary]

You're looking pretty decent.

[Gina Grad]

Your headphones are off. But Dawson's criticizing your form.

[Gary]

All right. But I gotta tell you, I would call that a girls push up. I'm just saying.

[Brian Bishop]

At least he's not doing it. Cheer. You're doing good.

[Gary]

You're doing it. Breathe, baby.

[Philip Keane]

You did good.

[Gary]

No, you did good.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll give. I'll give it to you. All right.

[Gary]

That was nice. That was all right.

[Gina Grad]

That's why we're number one, everyone.

[Gary]

Good job.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

How many was that?

[Brian Bishop]

Like 24. Three or something? No. I don't know. I can do 50 of those. All right, Noah?

[Gary]

I can do 100 of those.

[Brian Bishop]

My bench pressing days are. It's not. First off, my arms are so fucking long. My travel. You ever watch?

[Gina Grad]

You got a nosebleed?

[Brian Bishop]

You want to watch? If you watch a guy. If you watch a bench press competition, the guy who's going to win, which I do often, is the guy who needs help getting the bar off the rack. Who's gonna lose? Is the guy who lifts it and it goes up a foot when he takes it off the ramp. Because it's just. It's literally too much movement. It's like. Yeah, you gotta be built like a bottle jack to really win those, you.

[Gina Grad]

Know, you want to do Tyrannosaurus arms. Well, not turn into the thickness, but then the length. You want them compact, close.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. That's why those guys are built. It's not that much different than gymnastics. Like, if you see the guys on the rings doing the iron cross and doing all this stuff, they're not long. There's no 6, 7 gymnast.

[Gary]

Then when you see him or see him in person, he's 4 11, right? And then you get it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Noah, what are you benching Noah?

[Zoltan]

I don't like to brag, But I'm doing 315.

[Brian Bishop]

15 times, you know, 15 times 3, 15.

[Gary]

What jail are you in?

[Gina Grad]

He doesn't like to brag.

[Zoltan]

I don't like to brag.

[Gina Grad]

He doesn't like to brag, guys.

[Gary]

I know, but listen.

[Gina Grad]

But he'll do it if he has to.

[Gary]

Hold on. Don't you have to put on their dime in the phone?

[Brian Bishop]

Can I say this? I realized I used to do a lot of bench pressing. And then I realized, you don't. Society does not repay you sufficiently for the pain of the bench press. You don't get pussy. You don't get money. You don't get anything. You get bulky, and no one gives a shit. And then, well, you can put up 315 or 315 times or 315 three times or whatever. He said, fine. There's always gonna be somebody who can do 509 times. So it doesn't matter from. I mean, it's better than your average bear, literally. But it's not better than five other guys who go to that gym and you don't get paid for it. It's a waste. And chicks don't give a fuck. This is a guy on guy thing. Definitely. They don't want big and bulky. They don't care. They want people to be built like.

[Gina Grad]

Michael Phelps or Bicepyn.

[Gary]

Mm, no. What's your thing with weightlifting anyway? What's going on with you?

[Brian Bishop]

You talking to me or Noah?

[Gary]

Noah.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck Noah.

[Gary]

All right?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, not to his face. He's a strong lad.

[Gina Grad]

Come on in.

[Brian Bishop]

315, Zoltan.

[Zoltan]

Hey, everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

How's it going? What's going on?

[Zoltan]

Hey, what are you bench for?

[Brian Bishop]

Asking a question.

[Zoltan]

I can explain the Walking Dead to you. I'm a huge Fan of it.

[Gary]

Your name's Zoltan?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. His real name's Kurt. Go ahead.

[Zoltan]

That's neither here nor there. Go ahead, Kurt, because it's not about. I'm not into zombies. The show's not about zombies. The show's about what the cruelty of what humans will do to each other when faced with some sort of like, apocalypse.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't we have the news for that? Hey, what's going on in the Middle East? Oh, well, that seems horrible.

[Gary]

Africa.

[Brian Bishop]

We're not been coached up on how shitty humans are. Yeah, but these are.

[Zoltan]

These are white people, so it's important.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, how dare you.

[Gina Grad]

Makes a good point. Let him finish.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Is Zoltan your real name?

[Zoltan]

Yeah, it's. Well, it's Hungarian. Much like your Zoltan's called father there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we've spoken to a Zoltan and I think this could be him. And yeah, we've spoken. I was just talking to Dr. Drew about Hungarians today and just how much they love.

[Gina Grad]

Can't trust them.

[Brian Bishop]

Said how smart they are and how much they love language and how much they love storytelling. Which is interesting because my grandfather did nothing but tell stories and how they had great memories and just were very. It's a weird culture that no one knows of. But their language is so complicated.

[Gina Grad]

Is that tied into like Judaism? Because that's a big. The oral tradition, telling stories and passing it down.

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's like after Rabbi the.

[Gary]

Storyteller is a huge deal in Judaism. I forget his name though.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, that definitely has something to do with it, I think. But it's an interesting thing that Dr. Drew was telling me that Hungarians had great memories and were great with language. And then I used to think about my grandfather. He wouldn't say, oh, that's hard. He'd say, that's difficult. He'd always care to pick the right word, even though it was his second language. And he always told stories and he had a great memory for all the stories from the old days growing up in Budapest and all that kind of stuff.

[Gary]

He's a super intriguing guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he was a really interesting, smart guy in a fucking sea of fucking styrofoam coolers. I grew up with this guy was an interesting, smart, cool guy.

[Gary]

Yeah, he was fantastic. And he really gazed at you with wonder too. I mean, he really. He really had an affinity for you.

[Brian Bishop]

He was a great. He was, you know, he was like a normal grandfather. He was a Jewish grandfather in a sea of fuck ups.

[Gary]

And he. And he loved cooking for you. He knew you appreciated the food. He would love to have you over when he would make that goulash or paprika.

[Brian Bishop]

Chicken paprika or paprika. Hey, Zoltan.

[Zoltan]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. If you ever hear Hungarian spoken like, you know when you hear Spanish and French and German, you go, I don't speak it. Or Italian, you go, but I can hear there's a language here. You know when you're, when French people speak, you kind of hang out and you go, that sounds like Hungarian. Sounds made up. Sounds like something like Vulcan, Star Trek thing, you know, it doesn't. Doesn't sound like real. Doesn't sound like a real language. Sounds like gibberish language. Yes.

[Zoltan]

Yeah, I can't speak it, but I can do an impression of it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we're all ears.

[Zoltan]

It's like.

[Gina Grad]

Fucking racist. Yeah, they all sound like that.

[Gary]

Sound like latke.

[Brian Bishop]

We're gonna get a lot of Hungarians with some pretty fucking angry letters.

[Gina Grad]

The ones that know how to type, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Gary, I don't know if you could Google in Hungarian argument or something, but I'm telling you that's what it sounds like. It does sound like that. And it's a weird language and it sounds like. I said it sounds novel.

[Gina Grad]

It's not a search YouTube for Hungarian telenovelis.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right, Zoltan. Oh, what's your question? Which regular comedian guest? Yes.

[Zoltan]

Yeah, I was gonna say you have your regular stand up song that you have on like two or three times a year and they're all great and I'm sure you say you love them like you love your kids, all the same. But which one? You know, in a world where Katt Williams and Gabriel Iglesias and you know, comedians whom I don't think are funny can sell out 10,000 seat arenas, which one do you look at and go, God damn. Why isn't that guy, you know selling out now? Why isn't that guy a household name? Why isn't he selling out an arena?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the first name that would jump to mind would be probably just a guy like Dana Gould who's just flat out funny. But it's like comedy. All right, we're going to listen. Hungarians arguing.

[Gina Grad]

This is the Hungarian.

[Brian Bishop]

Taking Hungarian. We need the less gypsy Hungarians. Well, there's a lot of gypsy Hungarians, but you get the idea, right? Crazy language.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I would not have guessed that was Hungarian. I don't know what I would have thought about it.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't even know what it is. That's the point. It looks more Pakistani I think Dana Gould would be my guy because I've said this a million times. Comedy is sort of like saying, I do sports. It's like, oh, you better pick a sport within sports or you're not going to make any money. And someone goes, oh, no, I'm good at. I'm just an athlete. I'm good at everything. It's like, you'd be much better if you just pick golf. All right, let's hear this guy. Yeah. The best thing you can say about. I mean, the most accurate thing you can say about Hungarian is it sounds like a regular language running in reverse.

[Gary]

Yeah, it's got a hook. It's, like, kind of intriguing.

[Brian Bishop]

It's got to be impossible to fucking learn, though. Could you imagine?

[Ray Oldhoffer]

It's got different.

[Gina Grad]

Gary, play that again.

[Gary]

That's the national anthem.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, where were we? I was talking to. Oh, yeah. So what do you guys think? I would say, like Dana Gould. Like Dana Gould. Look, if somebody is funny and as funny as Dana Gould, then you're always going to make money doing standup as a writer, maybe a showrunner, staff writer, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, you'll survive in this business and you'll have a career that'll go as long as you'd like it to go. But Dana Gould is not selling out large theaters. He's playing comedy clubs. And Cat Williams is selling out 5,000 or 10,000 seat, whatever. Now, there's a certain thing where you pick Iglesias, you pick Cat Williams. There's cultural things where you go. You can pick a cult. You guys don't know who Russell Peters is, but Russell Peters will sell out Madison Square Garden because he's of Indian descent and his people go see him. So if you have any of that, your people, you're sort of at an advantage when it comes to stand up. Unless enough of your people get into standup. See what I'm saying?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, you're talking specifically about stand up, which is funny because I think in the entire pie, that is the comedic profession, Dana Gould is probably in the top 1% of success. I mean, through his work on the Simpsons. He's. He's wildly accomplished. He's done so much great, great work. But in stand up, maybe he doesn't get the.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I think he means that. Not the household name.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, the notoriety of a cashier.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he said. He said. You know, he was saying that. Hold on. What are we talking to? Was it Zoltan? Yeah, yeah. He was saying that Cat Williams sells out 10,000 cedars. So that's, that's why I was keeping it in that context. Zoltan.

[Zoltan]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

We talking about how many tickets can somebody sell? Yeah.

[Zoltan]

How many tickets? I mean, how many views on YouTube? All that. Just how popular comedians.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Just off the top of my head and we know a lot of super funny guys, but I would say Dana Gould in terms of super funny, talented guy who plays 300 seat clubs and not 5,000 seat venues. In terms of selling tickets. Did you guys agree with that one?

[Gary]

That kid Aziz sold out Madison Square Garden.

[Brian Bishop]

Aziz, I'm sorry. Yeah, right.

[Gary]

Amazing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. But it's probably half cultural. I don't know. I don't know what. No, I don't know. I don't know what the. I don't know what the deal is, but I know like I said, Russell Peters plays, probably sells out on five continents and sells big venues. And you guys don't really even know his name.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

We did a show with him and that's the first time I heard of him.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right. And I just literally, I don't know who he is. I literally just passed him. He's a really nice guy. I like him a lot. But I just like was driving down I think the 110 on my way to fucking Gardena the other day and I see a big picture of him on the thing. Cuz he's playing the Megadome, you know. You know, it's a big electronic sign. It's called Staples center. But he was playing the Staples Center.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Really? How is it that we don't know his name? Like does he not get press in things that we read? Or is. It's like the Selena thing. Not exactly the same.

[Brian Bishop]

This country is. It's exactly the same. His assistant shot. No, it's like one of these band club president. It's like one of these bands that sells out soccer stadiums in South America, but you've never heard of them here. But they have a huge following. Whatever. Yes. This country has enough little separate chafing dishes where you can have a guy and if you're not part of that, it's like, you know, Spanish speaking morning radio. If you didn't see one of those billboards or something, you wouldn't know anything about that. And of course you do that thing where you go, I asked all my friends and they don't know who El Cucui is either. And it's like, yeah, they're 6 million people every morning. Right, right. It's that kind of thing. But yeah, you do go.

[Gary]

Unfortunately I do.

[Brian Bishop]

How does Russell Peters got it. Like where's the launching pad, though? Like, where's the. Where's the sitcom that ran for four years? Whatever. Is it syndicated at least? He just something. Yeah, he just went and built it. But I think a lot of it is built within that culture. And the problem for the Dana Goulds of the world is, oh, well, we got Greg Fitzsimmons. We could see if we don't feel like seeing Dana Gould or maybe Adam Carolla. But either way, there's a lot at but us and thus the club versus the Megadome.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, no, Dana Gould's a very good answer for that.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Zoltan. Satisfied with Dana Gould? You know what?

[Zoltan]

That was going to be my answer too. So I guess we are sympathetical.

[Gary]

All right, go see him more Hungarian.

[Gina Grad]

Is that a Hungarian word?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, know that one. All right, thanks, Zoltan.

[Zoltan]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's see. We're going to take a little break. Let me give a little love to one of our sponsors. DraftKings, baby. Oh my. Listeners winning huge cash [e-mail] America's favorite one week fantasy football site. No season long commitments. You can play whenever you want. You got an injured player, no problem. It's like a new season every week. Bald. How you hanging?

[Gina Grad]

I took two big risks last week on my Draft Kings team. I took the Green Bay defense, which paid off like I talked about before, I picked up Drew Stanton as my quarterback. As I figured he put up some decent numbers against the Bronco. He got a concussion. He was out for the game. But speaking of which, Adam, like you said, that's not going to sink my fantasy team because I'll just start again from scratch next week. Not stuck with him.

[Brian Bishop]

DraftKings, baby. You can get free entry into the hundred thousand dollar contest this weekend. First place takes home ten grand. DraftKings. Dawson, head to DraftKings.com now and enter code ADAM to play for free DraftKings.com Bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Enter at him for free entry [e-mail] that's draftkings.com all right, let's see Ray Oldhoffer, everyone. Ace on the house. That's our podcast. New episodes available every Saturday on itunes. You can go aceontheroof.com if you want to check it out. You can Twitter Ray Ayoldhoffer. All right, Philip Keane is waiting in the wings. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back with him right after this. And now Alcoa presents Definitely not a Jew. On the Adam Carolla Show, Dateline, Worcester, Massachusetts, a 28 year old man, intoxicated from a recent pub crawl was arrested by transit police after he was caught riding on top of a commuter rail train wearing a sombrero and a poncho. Definitely not a Jew. Yeah. Thank you for hanging out with us. Philip Keane is here. Major Crimes, name of his TV show, third season, returning this winter on tnt. Good to see you, Philip.

[Philip Keane]

Hey, thanks for having me here, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Philip purchased himself a bottle of Mangria. God bless you. Got the new bottle with the twist cap and everything else.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah, they told me it was a new label and I wanted to ask you, what does this mean? Ready to drink on the bottle? I would assume that if it's in the bottle, it's ready to go.

[Brian Bishop]

But, well, what happened was, is the first version of it was just Mangria and they put our shit in with the sangria. In sangria, you can buy a refrigerator box of sangria for $4. And so you don't want your $18 product sitting next to a huge pile of stuff.

[Philip Keane]

Definitely not.

[Brian Bishop]

And sangria is like the cheapest. It's weird because you think of like, you know, Ripple and Night Train and Thunderbird and all that kind of stuff, but the same Korea, quietly kind of the hobo drink because you can buy a box of it for.

[Philip Keane]

It's easy to make too.

[Brian Bishop]

$7.

[Philip Keane]

When I used to fly for Pan Am, at the end of these long trips to Rio, we would take all the leftover red wine and put it in a big ice bucket and throw all the leftover fruit from first class in there. And maybe on the way back to the hotel, it disappeared.

[Gary]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

That's what happens to the fruit.

[Brian Bishop]

What an irresponsible pilot. I love that idea, by the way. We'll get into that. But this is. Is. So you put ready to drink cocktail and then you get put into a different section of the store.

[Philip Keane]

I see.

[Brian Bishop]

Because then you become ready to drink cocktail instead of sangria. And that was the plan. But Gary, get. Fill up a little ice in a glass, give a little taste.

[Philip Keane]

I can have a little taste of it. I'll have to be back to work till 7.

[Brian Bishop]

It'll loosen you up a little bit. So what did you do? Who'd you fly for? What did you do?

[Philip Keane]

Pan Am.

[Brian Bishop]

Pan Am. Oh, boy.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah. Long time ago.

[Brian Bishop]

When did Pan Am cease to exist?

[Philip Keane]

December 4, 1991. About 11:00am Eastern Standard Time, thereabouts.

[Gina Grad]

Approximately.

[Brian Bishop]

And what did you do for Pan Am?

[Philip Keane]

I was a purser for Pan Am. I started off as a flight attendant based out of London. And then when they sold the United, the London based United, I transferred to Miami.

[Brian Bishop]

And what does the purser do exactly?

[Philip Keane]

He's in charge of all the monies on board, making announcements, making sure the passengers have a good time. Just like a floor manager, basically.

[Brian Bishop]

What is going on with air travel and dogs and bare feet and horrible people? It's nasty. What's. What's up? What happened?

[Philip Keane]

You know what? It's not even a plane anymore. It's a bus with wings.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Philip Keane]

People are getting on there with bags the size of, I don't know, small apartments and insisting that, oh, it fit under the seat in the last plane. I was like, no, you weren't on a C130.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Philip Keane]

That did not happen.

[Brian Bishop]

But I guess it'd be Allison, big transport plane.

[Philip Keane]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

I know that.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

It's on my Planes of the World calendar.

[Brian Bishop]

That's it.

[Philip Keane]

But I guess because the fares are so cheap now, we get cheap people on the plane and they behave accordingly.

[Brian Bishop]

But they're all just going insane. I mean, everyone is wearing sweatpants and they're barefoot and they're bringing two dogs with them.

[Gina Grad]

Now, just as a weird time capsule thing, I saw just last week, I saw the out of Towners, the old movie with Jack Lemmon. Never seen it before. There's a long sequence that's on a plane and it's crazy, just the. The differences.

[Philip Keane]

It used to be nice.

[Gina Grad]

It was luxurious. And this is. They're just in coach. They're just in the regular part of the plane. And they're being brought a big meal and huge seats. There's two by two seats and they're in a big plane cross country, and it's like, oh, yeah, that's just how it used to hop on a plane. And if you miss that one, you catch the next one. And there wasn't the fees and there wasn't this and that.

[Brian Bishop]

How about getting off the plane and having your whole family greeting you at the gate?

[Philip Keane]

That was a nice thing. Yeah. Or you could. Or you could take them to the gate and leave them, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. They could see you, See you off. Yeah. So what was the. What would be the salad days for you in Pan Am? Like what? Like we said, flying to Rio. And Rio was great.

[Philip Keane]

I had five day layovers there. So we'd leave on a Friday night at midnight and get in on a Saturday morning, and I'd stay At the hotel which was usually a corner suite overlooking the beach for five days. Then I'd fly back to Miami overnight for 24 hours at home and then do it all over again.

[Brian Bishop]

And what kind of equipment were you in?

[Philip Keane]

747. Although they were the 100 series and the 200 series but they were pretty old.

[Brian Bishop]

Did they have the big pub upstairs like they used to.

[Philip Keane]

We used to have a dining room upstairs and they would do two seatings for dinner upstairs and passengers would be called up by name. But. And it was a seven card service. Dinner took three and a half hours. There was caviar, china and now it's.

[Brian Bishop]

Like here's your zesty Fiesta mix.

[Philip Keane]

That's it. But you gotta pay for that.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's like even in first like I flew first class I think to Detroit a few years ago.

[Philip Keane]

I'm sorry, Humble Brad.

[Brian Bishop]

And I was like what movie are they showing? They're like we don't have any movies. And I'm like well where's the screen? Does it come down or is it in the headrest? And they're like we don't have that. And I'm like, like it's a four hour flight. I am in first class. Yeah. Well do you have. I didn't. This is six years ago. I probably didn't have any laptop or anything like that. But I was like there's nothing to plug a jack into or like headphones or anything on a, on a four hour flight and first class like Yep. Get used to it.

[Philip Keane]

Do you remember those old headphones where you plugged them in? It was basically two straws with little like sticky things in your ears.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Philip Keane]

They probably still had that for you.

[Brian Bishop]

Any. And then we'll talk tv but anything crazy have to restrain anybody lose an engine.

[Philip Keane]

The scariest thing for me was we lost two engines halfway across the Atlantic. We were leaving New York and two engines flamed out. So the pilots put them out and we had to turn around and make landfall. Earliest landfall was in Gander, Newfoundland. I don't know if you've ever been there.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Philip Keane]

Usually summer there but okay in the winter. Not such a nice place. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So you're halfway out and I mean it's. So it's a pretty long flight. Missing two out of the four engines.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Philip Keane]

So you know it's about a six hour flight. We're three hours in and we have to turn around because we're not going to make it.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean safely right now they have to turn around because the guy jacked off in the bathroom and then shot a loogie.

[Philip Keane]

The stewardess banging against the back of your seat. Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But at least you had a legit. Like if the engines were on fire, I'd feel pretty good about turning around.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah. People understand that when you run out of beer. They don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But the crazy fucking guy beating off in the bathroom, I just want him restrained. And I was just saying we're gonna now have to have these like little shark cages on the back of all airplanes where we take all the crazy barefoot people, their fucking dogs who beat off in the bathroom and throw them into the cage so we can continue our economy. Yes. The whole thing. So sad. Alright, so Major Crimes, it's a spin off of the Closer. And it's. It's third season coming back in the winter. 2014. Yeah. Just a few weeks away. Yeah. TNT. Well, what is the actual date then? Because I don't have it here.

[Philip Keane]

I believe it's November. It's the week after Thanksgiving, so whatever that is. I think it's the 27th. I'm not sure we have a definite air date.

[Brian Bishop]

And you're married to James Duff, who's the creator of this.

[Philip Keane]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that correct?

[Philip Keane]

Much to his chagrin, he did not want me to be on the show from the beginning. So it was a couple of other producer friends of mine who allowed him, or actually allowed me to be on the show.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, where did you get married?

[Philip Keane]

We got married at City hall by Eric Garcetti, who is the mayor of Los Angeles.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So recently.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah, it was October 3rd, was the official ceremony last year. So we just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. We've been together for 21 years now.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. And is.

[Gary]

Is.

[Brian Bishop]

We just did a story on this yesterday.

[Gina Grad]

The old balls and chain.

[Philip Keane]

A good one.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Brian.

[Gina Grad]

That's all I got.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Philip Keane]

Okay.

[Gina Grad]

See you guys later.

[Philip Keane]

Bring it up now.

[Brian Bishop]

So Garcetti did it.

[Philip Keane]

Yes. Which is kind of funny because he actually played the mayor on the Closer a couple of times before he actually became the mayor of Los Angeles. And his father, Gil Garcetti was the district attorney for, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, his. The Garcettis, at least in Los Angeles, go back quite some time.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And yeah, he's a. He's a very affable guy. Saw him at some, I don't know, know, policeman's something. I think I complained to him about. Why the fuck do we have click it or ticket on this goddamn freeway signs? And how about we do what every other civilized nation does, which is if you have a fender bender pull off to the side so you're not blocking the entire fucking 110 freeway. And a couple weeks later, those popped up. But then later on, the Clicketer tickets came back on again. And now I'm fucking angry. So now, is it weird being married to the creator? I mean, in terms of like, oh, nepotism or something like that?

[Gary]

Not really.

[Philip Keane]

I mean, we don't ever really spend much time together at work because he's up in the office and I'm down on the stage. And I walk a really fine line with the cast because I have the potential to hear a lot of what goes on behind the scenes. And so I have to edit myself all the time as to what it is that I can say to him or what I can't say and vice versa to the cast. So.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Because you would be a conduit to the guy who's created the show. And actors are a pain in the ass.

[Philip Keane]

This is true.

[Brian Bishop]

They complain a fucking lot, considering.

[Philip Keane]

Well, you know how to make an actor complain, right? You give him a job.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I mean, considering you completely defy the odds and you're an actual working actor in this town.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's insane how much much complaining begins right after you're done celebrating getting whatever job you got.

[Philip Keane]

Well, I think when you sign your contract, that's one of the privilege clauses, is that you get to complain about everything once you get the job.

[Brian Bishop]

I never. You know, for me, whatever acting I've done, I always want less lines because I feel like more lines equals more work. Yeah.

[Philip Keane]

But I love being at work in the first few years of the show, because I was so green, I would come in and just watch all the different departments. I'd sit behind the cameraman or hang out with costumes or sit in the makeup trailer just to learn what everybody's job was.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. And, you know, they always, by the way, whenever they tell the stories of the young Ron Howards of the world and stuff like that, they'll always say, oh, he was checking out the props department, asking all the questions. And then he'd go hang out with the grips and ask all the right questions like he was interested.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah. I was not so young when I started.

[Gary]

Started.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But I'm. But you're interested. And that lead me to believe that you might want to get into directing or writing eventually.

[Philip Keane]

Writing, not so much, but directing sounds interesting to me. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Why not so much with writing, but directing.

[Philip Keane]

To me, writing is really exposing, and I don't like to expose those Aspects of my life, I think with. Through a character.

[Brian Bishop]

You could write about zombies.

[Philip Keane]

I could. I heard. I heard the discussion earlier. I don't understand this fascination with this post. What is this apocalyptic. I always have to brea talking.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Philip Keane]

Thank you. Only a little bit.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all it takes.

[Philip Keane]

I don't get it. I don't get it. I mean, these kids are growing up with no hope for the future. Everything on television is about that we're going to be eaten and everything's going to be destroyed and the earth is on fire.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, but, you know, if you think about it, there was always that. I mean, as I grew up in the 70s and it was a lot of, you know, by 1999, man will be living underground because the water will all be on fire. All the lakes and oceans will be on fire. The sun's rays will burn holes. We're not gonna have food.

[Philip Keane]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

The population will be 200,000,000,000. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

The highest paid workers will be desalinization plant workers.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right. Like, it's like, I remember growing up with a lot of Indians crying and a lot of discussion of. So you grew up in California? Yes. Yeah, that's right. With a crazy hit mom. By the year 2000, we're all gonna be living in bunkers. And by the way, if we ever get there, because the whole cold war, I mean, the nukes and the ruskies and, you know.

[Philip Keane]

Oh, yeah. There were days when we couldn't go outside and play at school because the smoggler was so thick and so bad. We could go outside. We had to sit on the benches at lunch.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, so you grew up out here, Joe? Yeah, I used to. I'd like talk to my. Later on, you marvel when you talk to other people. Grew up in, like, Montana and stuff. And they go. We get two weeks off for the beginning of deer hunting season. And you'd go, well, we'd have smog alerts.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Is that so they don't get shot?

[Philip Keane]

There's a big sale in orange vests at the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they. I mean, you just. You go, wow, snow days and deer hunting season. It all sounds so fucking quaint. We had smog alerts.

[Philip Keane]

We have fire season, pilot season, flash flood season.

[Brian Bishop]

Where did you grow up in Socan?

[Philip Keane]

I grew up in Tustin, behind the orange curtain.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Oh.

[Philip Keane]

See, I was born in Hollywood, and then when I was four, I moved to Central America.

[Brian Bishop]

So you're. Wow. Oh, now we gotta. Well, how'd that go?

[Gina Grad]

You mean Gardena?

[Philip Keane]

No, Nicaragua.

[Brian Bishop]

Nicaragua.

[Gina Grad]

Hawthorne.

[Philip Keane]

And then when I came back to the United States, I had to learn how to speak English all over again.

[Brian Bishop]

Did your dad work for some oil company or something?

[Philip Keane]

No, no, no. You know how. Let's say your mom and dad would have a fight and your mom would go to your grandmother's house? My mom went to Central America and took me with her.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking Nicaragua. Yeah, I have. I've worked with a guy from Nicaragua. Yeah, we'll play him.

[Philip Keane]

I was a guy was living with my aunt, so it was fun.

[Brian Bishop]

It seems like the most dangerous, crazy place in the world.

[Philip Keane]

It was before the earthquake, though, so it was. Okay. 1969. 1970.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. All right. I feel like every Nicaraguan story I hear is not a happy. Yeah, that's the Nicaraguan guy. All right. Shall we do a little bit of news? Allison Rosen. Yes, let's do that. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad.

[Joe Coy]

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it.

[Joe Coy]

It's Allison.

[Gina Grad]

Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, if you'd like to get yourself a nice three pack of the new Mangria that Philip is enjoying so much, you can go [e-mail] you get the red, you get the white, and you get the. Get the three pack shipping included. 49 bucks. Good for what ails you.

[Gina Grad]

Better hurry before Philip gets it all.

[Brian Bishop]

Catching your buzz there, Philip?

[Philip Keane]

That's my character's name.

[Brian Bishop]

Ha, ha, ha. That's the Mangria?

[Philip Keane]

That's it?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's 21%, so you gotta.

[Philip Keane]

Okay, I will take it easy. I have to drive back to work, so shoot another scene tonight.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? Where's the studio?

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Is your character supposed to be drunk?

[Philip Keane]

No, Raleigh Studios, across the street from Paramount.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Philip Keane]

I was looking at a dead girl in the back of a truck this afternoon.

[Brian Bishop]

Not too bad.

[Philip Keane]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, here we go.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

The Minnesota Star Tribune did a big story on Adrian Peterson and more details about his personal life. And unflattering things have come out. A lot of it having to do with the finances of his charity. But also, I don't think everyone knew that he had six kids by six women in three different states.

[Gina Grad]

He was always very tight lipped about exactly how many kids he had.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Right. This is all out of wedlock.

[Gina Grad]

Oddly tight lipped.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Sadly, the first time he met one of the kids was shortly before that kid's body Was found from being beaten to death by another guy. So that's very sad.

[Brian Bishop]

Do say that again.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

He lost one.

[Gina Grad]

One of his kids died.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Oh, sorry, Gary. I thought, like, it was time. Yeah. One of the kids died. Another guy beat the kid to death.

[Brian Bishop]

The. Okay, I would. I would go ahead and call this a problem. That's.

[Gina Grad]

I've been.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I. I used to say. That's why I would say I hated the fucking Madea shit, because I hated all that. I'll put my foot in your ass. It's like a cultural thing.

[Gina Grad]

I'll put.

[Brian Bishop]

Bust a cap. And you. It's great, but not when you're getting the shit beat out of you to the point where you're dying. In some cases, it's unfortunately. But it's the kind of thing that people need to speak up about and we don't because it's like a cultural thing. It's like, well, I'm not gonna get. I'm not gonna weigh in on this one, but we should weigh in. And I don't get. You know, I had plenty of opportunities to have kids at a wedlock. I didn't. God knows, for personal reasons, like, I'm selfish. I didn't want a bunch of kids. I didn't wanna have to take care of them. Like, I don. Whether you're the mom or the dad, you know, it's. You know, I mean, we've all been through that, where it's like, could you imagine of having a kid when you were 23? Imagine having six kids, from two of them, 22 to 30, a boy and.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

A girl born to different mothers. They were born a month apart in May and June of 2010.

[Brian Bishop]

But the thing that's so insane to me about just human beings, just humans, other than their obsession with zombies. Second, if I had. If I knocked up a chick and I was like, oh, fuck, I didn't pull out. I didn't wear a condom. Like, this didn't work. She said, whatever. And then five weeks later, I was with another gal and I was balls deep within her and I felt this certain tingling in my sack. I'd be like, not. Not again. Definitely not gonna get someone else pregnant. Don't want to deal with. It's already gonna cost me enough and be big enough difficult financial and emotional and spiritual. Like, I'm just not gonna do this one again.

[Philip Keane]

I don't think that head works when you're doing that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know what you're saying, but I'm saying, whether it's the mom, seventh Time's the charm, whether it's the mom or the dad. Why do either one of them want that? I know it's a bunch of different moms in this case, but we all know about the mom with the 11 kids.

[Philip Keane]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Ray Oldhoffer]

I mean, presumably he's just going around having unprotected sex.

[Brian Bishop]

This isn't epic condom failure unless his cock is wrapped with barbed wire.

[Gina Grad]

Let me.

[Brian Bishop]

Which case, most women would object.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I was gonna say this theory to you. Do you think the high profile multi million dollar athletes almost factor this into their budget? The way Howard.

[Gary]

I'm serious.

[Gina Grad]

The way Howard Stern used to factor in, I'm gonna get fined by the FCC for a half dozen things this year. It's gonna cost this much, and you're gonna pay me this much more. It's like it's a cliche for a reason. How many multi million dollar.

[Brian Bishop]

I would agree with you if some of our poorer citizens didn't do the exact same thing. Is it that they're more poor people of all shapes and colors that engage in this than there are multimillionaires? As a matter of fact, the multimillionaire part for me is sort of like, well, look, if you're paying for the kids room and board, even if the kid's in Florida and you're in Minnesota and you never see the kid, that's an emotional thing that you're gonna have to deal with at some point in the kid's life. And the kid's probably gonna be a mess, but at least you're paying for the kid.

[Gina Grad]

That's the Freakonomics thing. Like they talked about when the parents who were leaving their kids at the daycare too long, once they started charging those parents, then they did it more. Because now you're paying for it. Now you're getting. You're paying for it. If you're paying for the kid, maybe it's like, oh, it's okay, I'm paying for.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, and like I said, I would agree with you, except for it just takes place in the poor amongst the poorest as well.

[Gina Grad]

That's a good point.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Men who do this, do they want to get the women pregnant because that makes them feel virile, or is it just that they don't want to stop and wear a condom or pull out?

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's a first off, we do not. Especially in 2014. I mean, do not look down the road far enough at all into the future. Like, we don't look five minutes down the road. I mean, there is a huge segment of humanity. Forget this country, just humanity that doesn't examine, like, what is going to happen a month from now or two years from now, or whether it's getting my college degree or getting set up for the future or tucking some money away or not getting five kids, chick's pregnant, or simple things. There's a guy at a bar and he's holding a knife, and I'm walking at him and I'm throwing my arms around and I'm yelling at him, like, that's not thinking 10 seconds in the future, you know?

[Philip Keane]

No, but a lot of kids grow up without any sense of what a future is just because of their own upbringing. I mean, their parents don't teach them anything about that. They don't know how to save money. They don't know how to manage a credit card. There is no future for them. It's week to week, month to month.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. And you just grow up going, fuck it. Let's make hay while the sun shines. We may not be around tomorrow, but it's.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

But there's a little person growing out of that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, but that's later.

[Philip Keane]

And that's something that most of the guys don't have to deal with, right? I mean, they just kind of do their business and they walk out. They walk out the door, right?

[Brian Bishop]

But as I said, and I was sitting there talking to Dr. Drew today, and I've been saying it since year one of loveline, like, everybody wants to know how to fix this. They pick a problem. You know, what do we do with abuse or what do we do with education? What do we do with prison overcrowding or what do we do with unemployment? I go have people stop having kids who cannot raise the kids, nurture the kids, love the kids, and essentially take care of them. And as I always say, Drew, we don't have to worry. Drew has triplets. Don't have to worry about him. They're. They're going to college. They grew up with parents that engaged, took care of them. You don't have to worry about you. It's kids. It's people having kids and then setting the kids out the same. I mean, how could it go any differently? How could a bunch of disenfranchised young kids grow up without a father and just being raised by scattered things with strange guys coming and going? Of course that kid's going to be a mess. The kid's not going to come home and do homework. There's no environment for that. So you want to know how to solve all of the problems that vex our society. It's like a million spokes, but it all goes to one hub. And that hub is anybody having kids who they can't take care of. So all the focus should go to that one problem because all the spokes lead from that one problem. But we'll never touch it.

[Gina Grad]

Society's wheel of ills.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Politicians never will go to the hub. They spread out and they go, well, let's fix what's way down each spoke, go to the hub. They don't want to get involved with it because as we open the show, this sort of mortality thing was a big deal with the walking dead and all that kind of stuff. Politicians getting involved with who gets to have kids and who shouldn't have kids and who should have more and less. Then you're into playing God. Now you're into some sort of whatever. You're fucking with everyone. You're not getting a of lot.

[Philip Keane]

In the 1920s, I think, you know, the US government was involved with experimenting in eugenics which we exported to Europe. And we all know how that ended up. Sure, you know, so they were sterilizing.

[Brian Bishop]

People who were not a good looking blonde.

[Gina Grad]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of good looking blue eyes.

[Philip Keane]

Piercing blue eyes, sterilizing unfit candidates.

[Brian Bishop]

Dolph Lundgren is how that ended. Oh my God. And El McPherson, I'd like more of that problem.

[Philip Keane]

Alcoholism or stupidity or blindness. They thought, well, we'll just sterilize the poor people because it's endemic. It's gonna happen all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry for cutting you off. And then I'm with you. Like, look, let's. I hate the slippery slope argument. I don't want to go like, yeah, well, only good looking people can. But look, if in. First off, if you are a product of this environment, wherever you come from, if your mom was a teenage mom and you had a lot of this in your environment, you're much higher candidate for having this happen in your own life.

[Philip Keane]

Absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

Why not screen for that the same way we screen for anything that would cause injury in your life. You know, I mean, get hold of people when they're 12, 13, 14 years old and go, look, give them mammograms. Yes, this is what's going on. I mean, here's what's in your future. You're 10 times more likely to end up pregnant before 18 than this other person that grew up in this other environment. Let's focus on it and by the way, try to stop it.

[Philip Keane]

Maybe they should be on part of learning the test because they don't teach people how to think anymore. They teach them how to pass a test.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. Sniff.

[Brian Bishop]

Now you gotta sniff. Wow.

[Gina Grad]

Well done.

[Brian Bishop]

Good. Alright. Anyway, ap, Six kids.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Six kids. Six different women. And also he has a charity called Peterson's All Day, which is for at risk youth. And a couple things. There was a hotel room orgy some time ago and he charged the room at which this orgy took place to the company credit card. And then.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, hold on. You were. You do your fundraisers your way?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, maybe they raised a ton of dunk tanks.

[Philip Keane]

I'm sure something was raised.

[Brian Bishop]

And fucking raffling off Shaq shoe can only raise you so much, you know. Hey, McFleet would sign this drunk. This drum kit. Yeah, but this is really. This is going to raise some money. All right, so they had an orgy.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

Yes. And that resulted in an accusation of rape. But it was a false accusation and triggered a lengthy police investigation. And then Also the charity's 2011 financial report showed $247,064 in total revenue and listed three organizations that supposedly received the money. However, these organizations that supposedly received the money said they did not receive it.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, I feel like, you know, putting your credit card down for the orgy room, whether it's just the cleanup or the mini bar, that fucking thing's getting charged.

[Gina Grad]

Do not sign up for incidentals.

[Philip Keane]

Just think of the charges, think of the miles.

[Gina Grad]

It's a good point. Around the world.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, fucking that you can. You cannot trust that that mini bar is gonna get. Gonna get a good ransacking. And speaking of sack, I gotta. I gotta tell you, you know, I don't look fantastic naked, but I would not want to see AP turn the corner, you know, naked.

[Gina Grad]

It would on the field now or off.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm talking about in the orgy room. I would not want to see it.

[Gina Grad]

That's foreboding.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. I'd be like 6 foot 1, 230 pound chisel.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

AP, why don't you let me go first here, would you, please? I made a nice contribution to your carpet. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Ray Oldhoffer]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, C. Hunt.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, US San Antonio. Coming up, man, this Friday. Come on out to the Empire Theater and say hi. Hi. We're gonna do a little Mangria signing and they're gonna serve it at the theater. But I'll do a little signing at Specs Wine and Liquor on Friday before the show and then you can come on out and watch us do a live podcast. Portland, Seattle, Sacramento. And doing some stand up in it. Go to AdamCoroll.com you can find out, click through the Amazon banner and do all the good stuff. We love you for also, Blinds Galore. Matt. Yeah, what up, boss? Oh, I already told you we got to go. We gotta get some more Blinds Galore. Right? You know, it's gonna be super easy to order them for you. They got great customer service.

[Gina Grad]

I'm not worried at all.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I know you screwed up your measurement. Yeah, we're gonna have someone else measure your windows.

[Gina Grad]

Not me.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I know not you. Okay, good. I'm measuring. I know how to handle the tape measure. Blinds Galore, baby. Oh, they got a birthday sale. It's on now. Everything is 50% off. You can check out Blinds Galore and the sale's not gonna last long. Huge savings. Savings end October 14th. Everything at Blinds Galore is 100% custom made exactly to your specs when you order. So it is perfect. Let's not stress out. Let's go to Blinds Galore, man. Good sponsors, great product, free samples, free shipping and all that good stuff. Go to blindsgalore.com that's blindsgalore.com. let them know, Adrian. Peter, no, Adam Carolla sent you. You let them know Adam Corolla sent you. All right, the show Major Crimes. Come back anytime. Philip. It's been enlightening. Hey, thank you very much and good luck shooting tonight.

[Philip Keane]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

And I'll be happy to sign your bottle of Mangria.

[Philip Keane]

Wonderful. It's actually really good. I like it.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm glad you like it. And someone that's traveled as much and drank as much vino as you realize, everybody. Major Crimes third season coming up on TNT this winter. So until next time, it's Adam Crow for Philippine Allison Rosen and Ball Bryan saying mahalo.

[Gary]

Shut up.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not funny. Why are you talking? Be quiet. No one's wants to hear what you have to say.

[Gina Grad]

All right, those adam Kroll show 1427. That does it for today's Coral Classics.

[Brian Bishop]

Make sure to tuned tomorrow for our own installment. Until then, holl and get it on.

[Philip Keane]

A never.

[Adam Carolla]

See the questions start early and then they start multiplying.

[Brian Bishop]

Do babies hold grudges?

[Adam Carolla]

How do I know when he's full?

[Brian Bishop]

Logging poops comma necessary.

[Adam Carolla]

Raising kids raises enough questions. That's why we make one formula that feels right right away. One made by pediatricians and parents like you, backed by breast milk science and built for baby's brains, bellies and bees beyond. You'll wonder about everything except this, the formula that answers. Learn more at byheart. Com.