Adam Carolla Show: Greg Fitzsimmons Talks Big Hogs, Quitting Sobriety, and Conjugal Visits

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Episode Overview

In this candid, raucous episode, Adam Carolla welcomes comedian Greg Fitzsimmons and Rudy Pavich to the studio. The trio dives into an epic, unfiltered conversation covering notorious stories about “big hogs” (with both myth and memoir), Greg’s accidental slip from sobriety, the oddities of conjugal visits for infamous criminals, and a nostalgic send-up of famously negligent parental figures. With characteristic Carolla riffing and fast banter, this episode manages to be both outrageous and reflective.

Key Discussion Points

1. Content Warnings, Ratings, and Outdated Labels

[03:39–08:02]

• Adam opens with jokes about modern media disclaimers, especially how shows now lump "smoking" in with violence and abuse.
  • Adam: "I do love that we've lumped smokers in with domestic batters and killers." (04:31)
• The group riffs on cable content warnings (N for nudity, BN for brief nudity, SSC for strong sexual content) and the evolution of language in labeling sexual or violent material.
  • Greg: "That's when your hand goes right to the belt buckle." (06:14)
• Discussion teeters hilariously into the exaggerations around words like "Triple X" and marketing terms like "all nude."

2. Magnum Condoms, "Big Hogs," and Being an Outlier

[08:02–18:03]

• Greg drops the bombshell about actually needing Magnum condoms, launching the crew into a comedic and surprisingly earnest discussion about size, manhood, and insecurity.
  • Greg: "I literally could not fit in regular condoms and had to go Magnum." (08:11)
  • Adam: "There’s nothing in it, we just spread it around a little bit." (re: Magnum wrappers as display) (09:38)
• Tales of relationships gone awry due to anatomical incompatibility.
  • Greg: "Dated a girl and we broke up because it was too uncomfortable for her. And she was a whore." (10:16)
• The talk veers into celebrity urban legends (e.g., Shaq’s rumored size, testimony from Hallie Robinson Pete), with detours into sports history and skewering of stereotypes.
  • Adam: "She goes, ‘I dated Shaq.’ And I went, oh, you did? And she goes, not so much." (16:28)

3. Sobriety, Relapsing (Accidentally), and Stories of Recovery

[24:53–34:36]

• Greg shares a “big announcement”—after decades, he accidentally broke his sobriety when an Italian barista misunderstood "with room" as "with rum":
  • Greg: "I lost my sobriety… I walk outside, take a sip of the coffee. I’m like, wow, this is fucking strong…He put fucking rum in my coffee." (33:30)
• Adam’s nuanced view on sobriety for ‘early quitters’:
  • Adam: "I treat booze like... if you dropped it real early, I go, yeah, I bet you could [go back]." (27:03)
• Hilarious war stories: court-ordered AA, terrible meetings, the West Hollywood CA scene ("so many hot chicks").
• Greg tells how his advice led a newly relapsed writer into a downward spiral—culminating with the guy storming the Capitol on January 6th.
  • Greg: "Ended up going down…his marriage ended…last I knew of him, he invaded the Capitol on January 6th." (31:20)

4. Skankfest, Comedy World Tales, and "All Nude" Spectacles

[18:31–23:29]

• Greg recounts Skankfest—a festival with both all-nude events and open drug use—recalling Jason Ellis as an awesomely well-endowed nude judge.
• Digressions into comedy world characters, media confusion (Jason Ellis/Jason Mewes), and the act of prepping for nude scenes on film.
  • Adam: "You can get a little extra out of a stretch, I’ve found." (22:55)

5. Conjugal Visits and Killer DNA

[39:00–43:45]

• Detour to notorious prisoners’ love lives: why do women marry convicted killers (Eric Menendez, Tex Watson)?
  • Adam: "He’s got four kids wandering around the United States…his DNA is now floating around the United States times four. And then I was thinking… the woman who went to the prison to fuck him—she’s more fucked up than he is." (41:20)
• Reflection on what DNA and nurture mean when both parents are infamous or infamous-adjacent.

6. Parental Negligence, Childhood Memories, and "Did the Best They Could"

[64:56–86:11]

• The hosts unleash a deeply funny but poignant critique of how little their parents did for them as children—everything from never buying sports equipment, failing to give rides, to missing every school event.
  • Adam: "Why is your default setting for your memory of your parents ‘They did the best they could’? My mom’s effort was like a one and a half and I give my dad like a 2.2." (67:50)
  • Rudy: "I’m standing there in between them by myself with a single rose in my hand, like the Bachelor…supposed to give it to my mom and she never showed." (82:00)
• Modern contrast: guilt-compelled, overachieving helicopter parents doing everything for their children.
  • Adam: "I just feel compelled. My parents had no compunction at all…If you’re not giving me a ride to Van Nuys, I guess I’ll just mope around the house." (66:37)
• Solutions for endless youth sporting events: Adam’s tip—stash medical scrubs in your car.
  • Adam: "Marathon kids volleyball games…Keep a set of scrubs…then you walk in and you go, ‘Sorry I got here as soon as I could…’” (85:01)

7. Language Oddities: "Anniversary" and the Need for New Words

[57:09–58:45]

• Adam and Greg riff on the absurdity of using 'anniversary' for both joyful and tragic events: Pearl Harbor, 9/11, wedding anniversaries.
  • Adam: "Don’t we need a better word?...We have the tragic. We just had the 25th anniversary of 9/11." (57:10)

8. Book Publishing, Perfectionism, and the Ghostwriter Grind

[46:01–54:16]

• Deep dive into the psychology and business realities of book writing: advances, deadlines, and why publishers gravitate toward "fucked up alcoholics" and outlaws.
  • Adam: "Book publishers are sort of the ultimate psychologists…They want the story about Motley Crue written by the alcoholic drummer…You can’t wrangle those guys…You just give him advances in pieces." (48:12)
• Greg’s neighbor story: Tom O’Neill’s 20-year saga writing "Chaos" about Manson, advances lost, debt, and final success.
  • Greg: "He sold it for another publishing company…But he truly did work on it for 20 years." (51:38)
• Comedic asides about the impossibility of writing with a spouse, ghostwriting, and hiring friends as "dictation assistants."

Memorable Quotes

• Greg Fitzsimmons, on his infamous breakup:
  “I dated a girl and we broke up because it was too uncomfortable for her. And she was a whore.” (10:16)
• Adam Carolla, on parental neglect:
  "Why is your default setting for your memory of your parents 'They did the best they could'? My mom’s effort was like a one and a half and I give my dad like a 2.2." (67:50)
• Adam Carolla, on inherited size myths:
  “There would be... escorted out of a casino for winning too much... And being broken up with because your dick was too wide. I’m going to add all that onto that list, you know what I mean?” (13:12)
• Greg Fitzsimmons, on sobriety lost by misunderstanding:
  “He put fucking rum in my coffee. And I took two sips of it.” (34:07)
• Adam Carolla, on infamous inmate conjugal visits:
  "The DNA of the woman who went to the prison to fuck him—she’s more fucked up than he is." (41:20)
• Rudy Pavich, on sports memories and parent absenteeism:
  “I’m standing there in between them by myself with a single rose in my hand, like the Bachelor…supposed to give it to my mom and she never showed.” (82:00)

Notable Moments & Timestamps

• Media disclaimers rant and content ratings nostalgia: [03:39–08:02]
• Magnum condom confession and comedic fallout: [08:02–18:03]
• Stories about celebrity “hogs” and sports figures: [13:57–18:03]
• Accidentally breaking sobriety with “rum” at the coffee bar: [33:30–34:07]
• How women marry serial killers and conjugal DNA debate: [39:00–43:45]
• Ultimate “bad parenting” comedy confessional: [64:56–86:11]
• Anniversary terminology confusion: [57:09–58:45]
• Book publishing psychoanalysis: [46:01–54:16]

Tone & Style

Unapologetically raw, irreverent, and rapid—this episode is peak Carolla. Greg Fitzsimmons brings both sharp candor and self-effacing humor, while Rudy contributes both supportive laughs and his own stories of blue-collar angst. The humor swings from bawdy to biting social commentary, all with an undercurrent of nostalgia and occasional introspection.

Summary Takeaway

A laugh-out-loud episode layered with sharp banter and wild storytelling, this installment delivers what longtime Adam Carolla fans crave: unfiltered talk, taboo topics, and plenty of comic honesty about the absurdities of sex, parenthood, and making sense of life in modern America.