Jo Koy + Jim Jefferies (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show - Episode: Jo Koy + Jim Jefferies (Carolla Classics) Release Date: May 2, 2025
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Jo Koy, Jim Jefferies
Platform: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital

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1. Balancing Health and Appearance

Timestamp: 01:23 - 04:56

Adam Carolla opens the episode with a humorous rant about societal pressures to look healthy and tanned. He laments the conflicting messages about sun exposure, highlighting how getting a tan often results in unsolicited compliments despite the health risks.

• Adam Carolla: "You look healthy. Have you lost weight? You're working out, you look young." ([02:27])

Jim Jefferies chimes in, suggesting the use of fake tans as a solution, leading to a lighthearted discussion on the absurdity of societal beauty standards.

• Jim Jefferies: "You can get a fake tan." ([02:55])

2. Emmy Dinner Anecdote

Timestamp: 05:18 - 07:54

Adam shares a story about attending an Emmy dinner to celebrate his agent's nominees. The night turns comedic as Sal, a recurring character from Carolla's earlier work, orders exorbitant amounts of food, leading to a humorous encounter with Jason Sudeikis.

• Adam Carolla: "All of them agree this is a bad thing. Except for when you come home, your wife's friend goes..." ([06:06])

• Jason Sudeikis Appearance: "Even Al Qaeda stopped at two." ([07:09])

3. Movie Critiques and Made-Up Movie Segment

Timestamp: 08:43 - 19:03

The conversation transitions into a creative segment where the hosts brainstorm made-up movie plots. Jim Jeffries suggests the transformation of movie titles into blockbusters, leading to the creation of fictional films like "Racing Minds" and "High Heat."

• Jim Jeffries: "He will tell you if a movie's good." ([16:16])

• Allison Rosen: "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in theaters now. It is directed by Jonathan Liebesman..." ([16:41])

Adam critiques the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" film for its divergence from the original board game and its over-the-top action sequences produced by Michael Bay.

4. Laptop Privacy and Personal Anecdotes

Timestamp: 20:00 - 33:42

A significant portion of the episode delves into the challenges of maintaining laptop privacy, especially concerning personal or potentially embarrassing content. The hosts share personal stories about inadvertent exposures and the awkwardness that ensues when outsiders access their devices.

• Adam Carolla: "Has anyone ever got the computer porn anxiety, which is... I wanted to, like, dump a fucking can of beer on it..." ([27:00])

• Jim Jeffries: "I have received tweets from people who say they don't like their freezer on the bottom." ([70:52])

5. Product Recommendations and Advertisements

Timestamp: 34:03 - 40:58

In line with skipping advertisements, this section briefly acknowledges product mentions without delving into promotional details. Instead, the hosts focus on integrating these mentions into the conversation naturally.

• Adam Carolla: "But it's all laid out just like the picture is. And it's delightful stuff." ([90:37])

6. Music Discussions and Guitar Heroes

Timestamp: 91:05 - 115:30

The hosts engage in an in-depth discussion about their favorite guitarists, highlighting figures like Jeff Beck, Prince, and Brian May. They debate the recognition these artists receive versus their actual contributions to music.

• Joe Coy: "Jeff Beck has been around since the mid-60s... he's a bit unsung." ([108:57])

• Adam Carolla: "I remember when I was in junior high... the most popular concert or band T-shirt of your era?" ([111:08])

7. Handling Personal Loss and Family Stories

Timestamp: 116:00 - 137:40

Adam shares heartfelt anecdotes about his family's experiences with health crises, emphasizing the emotional toll and the importance of resilience. Gary recounts rushing back home to support his mother during a medical emergency, illustrating the unpredictability of life.

• Gary: "She's just the Terminator. She should have been dead like 10 times." ([136:05])

• Jim Jeffries: "When your dad had his turnaround in the hospital..." ([187:10])

8. Social Commentary and Technology Issues

Timestamp: 138:00 - 175:29

The conversation shifts to broader social issues, including the impact of technology on privacy, the proliferation of explicit content online, and the ethical considerations surrounding data security. The hosts critique the ease with which personal information can be compromised and the societal desensitization to graphic content.

• Adam Carolla: "And I'm now in the restrictor plate part of life...it's it's taking a lot of stuff that you're fab." ([170:22])

• Allison Rosen: "In terms of a fantasy football pool..." ([178:07])

9. Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up

Timestamp: 175:37 - 190:38

As the episode nears its end, the hosts reflect on the various topics discussed, reinforcing the blend of humor and candid conversation that defines the Adam Carolla Show. They touch upon enduring friendships, the importance of authentic interactions, and the ongoing balance between personal life and professional commitments.

• Adam Carolla: "All right, let's bring it home, baby girl." ([189:18])

• Jim Jeffries: "That's the news. I'm Allison Rosenz. If it cunt." ([189:22])

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla: "You look healthy. Have you lost weight? You're working out, you look young." ([02:27])

• Jim Jeffries: "You can get a fake tan." ([02:55])

• Jason Sudeikis: "Even Al Qaeda stopped at two." ([07:09])

• Adam Carolla: "Has anyone ever got the computer porn anxiety..." ([27:00])

• Joe Coy: "Jeff Beck has been around since the mid-60s... he's a bit unsung." ([108:57])

Conclusion

This Carolla Classics episode featuring Jo Koy and Jim Jefferies encapsulates the show's signature blend of humor, candid discussions, and relatable anecdotes. From balancing societal expectations of health and appearance to navigating personal privacy in the digital age, the hosts provide insightful and entertaining commentary. The made-up movie segment and music discussions add creative flair, while personal stories about family and loss offer depth. Overall, the episode delivers a comprehensive and engaging listening experience for both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail].

[Brian Bishop]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail].

[Allison Rosen]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni.

[David Wild]

This is the podcast.

[Allison Rosen]

We're bringing you best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 16 years.

[Brian Bishop]

The Adam Corolla Show.

[Allison Rosen]

We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics with ad free archives available through Podcast one Premium. You can also find ad free archives of the Adam Carollo show and the Adam and Dr. Drew show as well as exclusive access to Adam's brand new show Beat it out through his [e-mail] make sure to check it out and subscribe. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcurla.com now on to the clips. Coming up first we have Adam Carollo Show 1397, Jo Koy, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop 2014. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day. Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Carolla and bald Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

That was from yesterday's economy guest at Dan Schecter, who's a big fan of the show and requested that for his top trap.

[Adam Carolla]

Dan was really sweet, left me a nice note, but because he didn't know who F1 champion Jody Scheckter was, It's off.

[Allison Rosen]

Into the garbage.

[Adam Carolla]

Into the garbage. I, well, I burned it, wiped my ass with it afterward, which did in the wrong order. Joe Coy in studio, everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe, you look tan. Yeah, because I've been. It's so sad. By the way, why do all the things like it's so sad? Here's the deal. All they do is tell you don't go in the sun, do not get tanned. Do not get whatever you do. Don't get this. That this. Here's what that this how it manifests itself in everyday life. You look healthy. Have you lost weight? You're working out, you look young.

[Jim Jeffries]

You know what you're doing? You look good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I've been doing this fucking catch a contractor goddamn show where you stand in someone's yard in Long beach for hours on end. And it's tv, so there's no sunglasses and there's no ball cap on. And you're just standing out there in a T shirt and you're just being cooked. You're doing what every doctor on the planet, including witch doctors, turns out that 4 out of 5 witch doctors recommend not standing in the sun to their vill.

[Allison Rosen]

Four out of five shamans, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

All of them agree this is a bad thing. Except for when you come home, your wife's friend goes, you been working out? Did you get laid? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you win money?

[Adam Carolla]

You look better. So good luck telling the kids not to do the thing that makes them look healthy and virile and like, they lost weight, they've been working out and younger and all that kind of shit.

[Allison Rosen]

That thing that yields you tons of compliments, stop doing that. Stop it immediately.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, bad for you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's fucking, fucking sad. But that's just the way it is. There's. I. You. It's so weird because it's just. I don't go out in the sun. I wear the shirt, wear the hat with the collar and the big brim hat and the sunglasses. And then two days in a row, I was forced to just stand out in the sun and shoot this catch a contractor show. And I've got nothing but compliments about it. And I'm very torn now, obviously, because there's a part of me that enjoys the praise and then there's another part of me that doesn't want to die.

[Jim Jeffries]

You can get a fake tan.

[Adam Carolla]

I, you know, I. We should, we should all, you know, we need to do.

[Allison Rosen]

The guy who breaks in your shoes could walk around you and spray tan you. Think about how you could double, triple up, even on the dudes.

[Adam Carolla]

He's walking Molly now while he's breaking in my loafers. I'm just saying, could we just pick a color and I'll just kind of be that color?

[Allison Rosen]

Sounds awful. Like a final solution.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I'm tired of all the fluctuation. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe Coy, by the way, podcast, the yo and Joe show. New episodes available every Tuesday on itunes. And then also doing live shows, of course. Never stops working. This man. Fort Lauderdale Improv, the Omaha Funny Bone and Daytona Funny Bone. Those all coming up end of August and early September, mid September. But what you should do is you should go to jo koy j o k o y.com and find out where he's going to be coming to a comedy show.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks for slowing down and saying it. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

The minute I walk into your studio, bald Brian goes, joy, good to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

You can do a lot.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I respond to my saying, joy, you know what?

[Adam Carolla]

I met Jennifer Love Hewitt once and she said, call me love. Yeah. And I said, I like that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, right.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I've been calling her. I don't even know her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I was beaten off to her. But no, she did love lion once on MTV a million years ago or probably met her for a time. But call me love. I love that. All right, so much. Get to. I think we'll do some made up movie. We got some baldiwood to get to. I went last night for my Emmy dinner to celebrate everyone that my agent represents who's either nominated for an Emmy or won an Emmy other than me. So we all go to this restaurant, as I told you, Cousin Sal rings up the bill and it's the big joke. It was funny. I can't remember the comedian who said it, but I was snl.

[Allison Rosen]

Sudeikis.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Jason Sudeikis.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm almost positive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When Sal ordered three seafood towers. He does this after we're done eating just to run up Baby Doll's credit card, you know, so he'll order bottles of champagne and literally order steaks to go. And by the way, we started expensive restaurants. But Jason Sudeikis came by the table, saw the three seafood towers, and said, even Al Qaeda stopped at two. Sal's display was more disturbing to Sudeikis than Al Qaeda. So Baby Doll wised up and Baby Doll this time called in and went with the set menu. Now plenty of booze flowing and you could order whatever drinks. And this was all the guys. This was Carson Daly and Jimmy and Bill Simm. Cousin's he dated. Love all those. Oh, shit, I forgot about that. That's right.

[Jim Jeffries]

They were quite an item.

[Adam Carolla]

Shit. Carson's mom was with him. Otherwise I would have got into that. Hey, man, let's talk TF ing for a second. So he ordered first and he pre ordered. And then, you know, we could order our drinks and stuff, but we could only. It was limited because he did a preset menu. And then at a certain point at the end of the night, Sal was very frustrated because of the preset menu. He pulled a huge golden cow head off the wall and said to the waitress, how much for this? And she said, I have no fucking idea. And then he said, well, go down and ask, like, go ask the manager what this Big golden cow head would cost if we wanted to take it home with us.

[Jim Jeffries]

Is he drunk or does he just do this?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he doesn't need to be drunk. He doesn't drink, and he doesn't drink anyway. But he might drink a little if you've made something. He probably likes a little mangria, like something that's a little bit sweet. But he's not the hard liquor kind of guy. Or even the beer. So the waitress went down and asked the manager, how much for the golden cow head that's up in the exclusive. Like, the private room we were in upstairs. And he said it was there when we bought the restaurant. He couldn't set a price to it. And then we had that conversation where it's like, look, if you. You check back in a couple of weeks, we could tell you. And then Sal was like, no, that's not gonna work. I need the cow head tonight.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not my money buying it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So that was a funny, funny conversation. But can I ask you guys this?

[Allison Rosen]

Is the cow head still in the restaurant?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's still there. Because they couldn't. There was no price. There was no worth to it. They didn't know what to charge. Baby doll, the preset menu, does it ever really work out to your complete in utter satisfaction?

[Brian Bishop]

Never.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like it doesn't even get.

[Jim Jeffries]

Close to your satisfaction.

[Adam Carolla]

I am hovering somewhere in the lowish 30s on the preset menu.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll file a minority report on this and say that, like a high, like. Like a fancy restaurant where the chef's like, bringing you all sorts of stuff. You never would order it on your own. And it's, like, kind of exotic and cool. That rare instance is pretty neat.

[Brian Bishop]

Other than I'm like, even then there's pizza.

[Adam Carolla]

Half the shit you don't like. And then.

[Allison Rosen]

But you're there for an adventure.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, this is food, man.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm a food safari.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I'm fucking there because I'm hungry. I'm gonna have a drink and enjoy some people. Yeah. And look, I'm totally fine with. The chef's a big fan, and he does these, you know, pulled beef slider things, you know, barbecued slow, whatever. And he's gonna send you out a plate of them, and he. You're gonna love it kind of thing. Like, I'm all. I love. The chef's a try this out. Or a couple little cool appetizers.

[Allison Rosen]

Try out something new.

[Adam Carolla]

Or this is.

[Jim Jeffries]

My swoosh is amused.

[Adam Carolla]

Or this is what we do, you know? What? I mean, like, you. You gotta try. You come in here, you gotta try this. I'm all with that, but I'm talking about the entire night. Yeah, that just. I'm in the low 30s. In terms of satisfaction, are you making.

[Jim Jeffries]

A distinction between when you choose the prefix on the menu versus when you go to an event and it's already arranged for you? Cause I feel like sometimes you're it. It's slightly better when you choose it because at least you've still chosen it. But when you go to a restaurant that's a good restaurant, and they're like, here's your choice of one or two things on this set menu. That's a bummer.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like a wedding.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I agree with.

[Adam Carolla]

It has its shades of gray. But I'm saying the last few of these I've done, where it's just. They're bringing it all out, has been lower than 50% for me in terms of enjoyment level. Lot of experimental shit that's not so good. Like I said, Cousin Sal, when we were in Napa, ate the whole rock salt plate that the thing came on. Just. You start. You start getting confused. What's food and what's not food? You start eating candles and shit.

[Allison Rosen]

I told you, I did the exact same thing. In Napa, they bring you pink Himalayan salt. They, like, tell you a story about it. But when a chef hands you something and it goes into a dissertation, like, well, this is obviously meant to be eaten. He's wearing a hat.

[Jim Jeffries]

It'd be rude not to.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So you know what it is, is you find a couple of things you like, and you focus on them, but there's a lot of sh. You don't like, and you just would never. You wouldn't order that way. Anyway, it was a good night. Lots of fun to be had. And pretty good preset menu, but never, never, Never worked out completely. Yeah, it's never what you would have. And how could it.

[Brian Bishop]

There's always the shit. It's never the really good stuff that's on the menu also. So then you kind of like, why didn't he bring this one out? Yeah, this one's $24.95 a plate.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't even. This is.

[Brian Bishop]

Even offer no menu. Oh, it's not even a menu?

[Gary]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't see what's coming. It just sort of keeps. Sort of just keeps coming.

[Jim Jeffries]

Who did you sit next to?

[Adam Carolla]

I was sitting.

[Allison Rosen]

Who had to sit next to you?

[Adam Carolla]

Who had to sit next to me? I was sitting next to Jimmy's wife, Molly. I think I was sitting across from Carson. I think Carson Daly's mom was sitting across from me. And she's a extrovert.

[Jim Jeffries]

Some would say you're an extrovert.

[Adam Carolla]

I can dish it out, but I can soak it up too. Like, you know, I don't usually go. I won't lock antlers with the other loud person at the table. You know, I'll sit there and let them. Let them get their piece in. But she likes the architecture. We're getting into that for a little bit. I got a lot of Bill Simmons time in. Lot of ace, man. A lot of looking pumped up about fast seven coming up.

[Allison Rosen]

Was there Expendables 3 talk?

[Adam Carolla]

God damn, there wasn't Expendables 3 talk.

[Allison Rosen]

I haven't seen it either, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

We didn't get into that. We got into some potential Fast seven talk or whatever's coming up with the.

[Allison Rosen]

Fast and furious hesitation with Expendables 3 is. I saw the first one, didn't see the second one. Not sure if I can follow the plot.

[Adam Carolla]

Flies an airplane with a machine gun attached to it.

[Allison Rosen]

Where did this come from?

[Adam Carolla]

Bunch of roided out 6 year olds.

[Allison Rosen]

Is this related to the last movie?

[Adam Carolla]

Dipped in creatine and Grecian formula. Just throwing punches at people.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm worried about.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. Where were we? Okay, so we're gonna do a little. Made it. Let's see. I made the rounds. I think, you know, the good thing is everybody's wife is cool in this group. Everybody's wives, they all fucking love each other, which is very rare. I've had the situations where the dudes worked out, but the ladies, not so much. Yeah, there's something about that dynamic that usually just doesn't work. In this case, everybody's wife is super cool. And they all just sort of broke off and had this sort of chick side of the table and all just had their conversations over there. And Jimmy's wife Molly is just super cool and super funny and super nice. Ah, speaking of super everything. Reverie Bed, it's a sleep system. People don't call it a bed. Firmness is customized. You can do it any way you want. Mine side of the bed is different than Lynette's. They do the split, the top, the bottom, the vibrator part. Let's put that on. Oh, great. For a nap. I woke up this morning, had a little catch a contractor to do. Had to get out of bed about 7:45 and I woke up at like 7:20 and I was like, oop, got to hit this vibrate mode for 20 minutes. Oh, you know, I was really going nuts with that Molly. Oh my God.

[Allison Rosen]

That's our. Make a wish.

[Adam Carolla]

That dog. That dog who's on my feet and splayed out as it is with that bed vibrating now. It's just literally just the fluid coming out of every orifice just laying there. She's just, she's. I just call her Napscot. She's just a. She is just a mascot for sleeping. If you're having difficulty sleeping, I'll introduce you to my dog Molly and you'll start yawning. And she's just splayed out and that thing's vibrating and you can lift on. You can lift your feet. You can go into the zero gravity position. There's an anti snore position.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a zero gravity position.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like your knees go up and your chest comes up.

[Jim Jeffries]

You better hug me to the ceiling.

[Adam Carolla]

Do a shirt.

[Brian Bishop]

You're being possessed or something. Yeah, being raised off of the bed. That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

You suck Tang through a straw. Awesome. Awesome.

[Jim Jeffries]

Pillow floats by you.

[Adam Carolla]

888, triple 8, 5990. You better do some push ups. You'll lose muscle mass fast, man. Triple 8, triple 8, 59.90. Or you can visit them online. Sleeplikeadam.com. try it out for 101 nights free. No risk. Just the best bed you've ever tried. All right, we're going to do a little made up movie. I think we should do a Hooray for Baldiwood first. You've been sitting on top of that Ninja Turtle movie for a while. I want to hear about it. Yeah. Hooray for Bollywood.

[Brian Bishop]

He will tell you if a movie's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks.

[Brian Bishop]

He loves that train wreck piece of shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Transform us to Hooray for Pawn awards.

[Allison Rosen]

Has anyone here seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, you have.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, this is gonna be good. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in theaters now. It is directed by Jonathan Liebesman, starring Megan Fox. Will Arnett's in this. William Fichtner. Whoopi Goldberg is in this.

[Brian Bishop]

Isn't Michael Bay the producer?

[Allison Rosen]

Michael Bay is a producer on this film. So starts off with a solid title sequence like the other credits thing, you know, the title sequence falls into a huge pile of shit.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you Say, this is one.

[Allison Rosen]

Of the worst movies I've ever seen.

[Brian Bishop]

Hands good.

[Allison Rosen]

It's really bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It should be.

[Brian Bishop]

It's four fucking turtles ball where it's supposed to be bad. I have an 11 year old.

[Allison Rosen]

What do you think? Was he bored?

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me.

[Brian Bishop]

Loved it.

[Gary]

He did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

He needed two boxes of popcorn. Got to the point where I was loving it, where he. When they said Kawabanga finally I went apeshit. I was like, wow, he had blue ball.

[Allison Rosen]

Kawabunga.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is, by the way, the totally tubular dude? Like how fucked out. Just in terms of comedy premises. It was fucked out 10 minutes before Moon Zappa laid down Valley Girl in 1984. But even like today, like, I know this is a rehashing, but every once in a while you'll turn on a TV commercial and be like, totally tubular. Tuesdays dudes, come on. Surf casket. And you're like, oh, it's so fun out. It's like got. And then, you know, got tubular. I. I never liked this fucking idea in the first place. But anyway, I'm glad it was a piece of shit.

[Allison Rosen]

What did you do during the mind numbing fight sequences and the endless trips down the mountain when you're sliding in the shop?

[Brian Bishop]

What was tripping me out is it was produced by Michael Bay.

[Adam Carolla]

And when the.

[Brian Bishop]

The truck was sliding down the hill, they were using Transformer sound effects.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And I was like, why is he doing this even it was to the point where my son looked at me, goes, is this sounds like Transformers, daddy. You'll see.

[Allison Rosen]

The good news is we have a new answer for what is Megan Fox's worst movie?

[Adam Carolla]

Now here's the real question. What's Whoopi Goldberg's worst movie? Because she did Jumping Jack Flash.

[Allison Rosen]

She was in a lot of those bad early 90s, late 80s.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Where she was like the. The female Eddie Murphy.

[Adam Carolla]

She did. She would put.

[Brian Bishop]

She was like the woman version of Eddie's last movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask you guys this? I feel it's true. She's the coach of the Knicks.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

She was in a movie called Burglar, I think. And I got to see the poster for Burglar because she is riding a stolen cop bike on one of the cables to like the Golden Gate Bridge. And it's like, where do you guys stand with shit on the poster? That never happened in the movie. I've been burned by porn a lot in this department. Planet of the Apes. Planet of the Apes.

[David Wild]

Most recent one has the blown up Golden Gate Bridge.

[Adam Carolla]

That Never gets blown up. What?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What the f. I'm still waiting.

[Adam Carolla]

Was Whoopi riding a stolen motorcycle on. Could have been the Brooklyn Bridge, but we gotta find me the poster from Burglar. So where would this be for Whoopi? Because Jumping Jack Flash and Eddie and Burglar. Those are fucking horrific. Yes, Horrific films.

[Allison Rosen]

In her defense, she's in about six minutes of this movie. Seven minutes. She's a very small part, but they.

[Brian Bishop]

Did that thing where was. What's flying off of her bike, by the way? Candy. Those are the things. She stole a spoon. She stole a spoon. A horrible burglar.

[Adam Carolla]

I think there's a cop car chasing her. Is there a cop car?

[Gary]

There's a cop car.

[Brian Bishop]

It's also on the bridge.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you got to get a better shot of it, Jerry. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Spoon, a pearl necklace, Candy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And a. Yo, yo.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you. Did you notice this? And sorry, back to teenage. Yeah, for a second. Did you notice this? And does it bother you the same way when William Fichtner comes on the screen early in the film and he's like this philanthropist, he's given a speech while this money is donating. The second he comes on the screen, you're like, bad guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

[Allison Rosen]

Absolutely. A bad guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And then 10 minutes later, it's revealed, oh, he's up to no good. Does it distract? It's obviously distracting, but what the fuck with guys like stunt casting? Like, when Kevin Bacon's in RIPD the first time you see him, you're like, fucking bad guy. Yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's totally for the audience.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. She never stops with that RIPD Fucking Bacon talk.

[Jim Jeffries]

Bobby was in Burglar.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I'm so glad you mentioned that.

[Jim Jeffries]

He's on the poster.

[Adam Carolla]

He's in the back. And the poster from Germany. In Germany, but Whoopi Goldberg is riding a cop bike up the main top cable of the Golden Gate Bridge, which seems fairly impossible. But what's even more impossible is she's being chased by a cop car.

[Allison Rosen]

Chased by a squad car that only.

[Adam Carolla]

Has the right side of it on the. Does anyone. When you're making the poster, does anyone go, this is impossible. This is never gonna happen? And someone is going, yeah, but we want to seem like there's a lot of action going on here, and we can go, yeah. There are other ways to convey that.

[Jim Jeffries]

Americans are so dumb, they'll accept it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

I assume they made it in Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

But the American poster started with Minus Bobcat Goldthwaite. But the American poster started this way. And then in Germany, where Bob's huge.

[Allison Rosen]

Gary, can you get a side by side of the James Bond movie poster? A View to a Kill. He's like on top of the Golden Gate Bridge on a shootout with a helicopter. Almost the exact same. Probably same view.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, we have. What I'm saying is this. I don't think you can invent a cereal that shows a picture of the cereal with big morsels of raisins and walnuts in it. If they don't exist inside the box, I think that's illegal. I think somebody would tell you, you must take that off.

[Allison Rosen]

Must be ingredients.

[Adam Carolla]

Why are you allowed to make a fucking movie? Look. Oh, shit. Standing up there.

[Allison Rosen]

That's around the same year.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure he's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Same perspective.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Same agency, I'm sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if anyone ever do it in heels.

[Brian Bishop]

That would be good. Do it on a bike, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Wonder if when they were building the Golden Gate Bridge, they were like, we're gonna get all our money back in movie posters. And this thing being licensed and then destroyed. And you must have to license it with the City of San Francisco because you cannot by any means make a movie and then take a picture of the Hollywood sign. Or, like fly a helicopter over the Hollywood sign without licensing the Hollywood sign.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. And it's expensive. And I don't think you could do it with the Capitol Records Building or something like that. Like, if you're gonna put that in your movie, you must pay the city of Los Angeles. So if you are going to destroy the Golden Gate Bridge or put on a poster, you probably have to pay the City of San Francisco to use the likeness of that. It's probably a landmark and blah, blah, blah.

[Allison Rosen]

Certain landmarks I know are public domain because you'll see the knockoff Vegas T shirts that have like, the Statue of Liberty and like the Eiffel Tower and things, because they're just public domain. But I wonder if certain ones, like the Hollywood sign, are privately owned or something.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not public domain. It is, by the way, 85 for view to kill and burglar 87.

[Allison Rosen]

It worked so well two years before. Yeah, a real quick footnote. Allison mentioned Bobcat Goldwait and I'm so glad you did because Robin Williams died a couple weeks ago and this is a terrible movie. No one should see it. But a good movie you can stream. Did you guys ever see World's Greatest dad with Robin Williams, directed by Bobcat Goldthwait?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, Because Bob's a friend.

[Allison Rosen]

He wrote and directed it. It's a really dark comedy about a dad, Robin Williams, whose son is a total asshole as a teenager and he accidentally hangs himself while masturbating. And the dad is a failed writer who then ghost writes his suicide note and it becomes like a hit, like, all the kids respond to it. And he achieves success in life as a writer by ghostwriting secretly his son's suicide note. It's a dark comedy, as you can tell, but it's streaming on Netflix. It's a good movie. A rare Robin Williams role where he's sort of playing a not so lovable character.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's worth seeing, but weird because you wonder if Robin was like, yeah, does the hanging thing work out? How do we do that? I would fuck up hanging myself immediately. Yeah. There's no way I'd be standing with both feet on the ground. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I fuck up jerking off alone. Now you want me to hang myself?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you want to shoot yourself, that's fine.

[Jim Jeffries]

How do you fuck up?

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, you're done jerking off? I don't know. I've never.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not a really good jerking off guy.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not?

[Brian Bishop]

No. I'll fucking. I've done it on my laptop. I've gotten it on that.

[Adam Carolla]

The back. Oh, yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

Messy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's.

[Brian Bishop]

It's horrible.

[Jim Jeffries]

I thought you meant, like, you can't actually get yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, I could do that, but I don't want anyone to use my laptop ever again. I hate it when someone goes, hey, can I use your laptop?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you fucking out of your mind?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you know what I've done to.

[Adam Carolla]

Flat bar to get it open?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm scared to even open it and still have to type in the passcode. And you still hear the porn that's on behind it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've done. Away from Joe's laptop.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Stay away from my laptop.

[Jim Jeffries]

I wonder if you should have a special dedicated porn laptop.

[Brian Bishop]

There's an old lady on the. On the plane and she. And she goes, is that an iPad? And I go, yeah. Oh, my God, can I see it? And in my head I'm like, fuck, no. Do you know what I did with.

[Adam Carolla]

This thing last night?

[Brian Bishop]

I can't open this in front of you. I don't even know if I close the window.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you hand it to her and boom, she's pregnant.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I had a. Yeah, there is.

[Brian Bishop]

People not assume that this is a serious question.

[Jim Jeffries]

I should know. You don't think now I will. I will never sit on your laptop.

[Brian Bishop]

No, that's any guy's laptop, Allison.

[Jim Jeffries]

Okay, Yeah, I think I. I think I lived in a naive little bubble up until four seconds ago where I did not assume that every guy's laptop is covered in jizz with porn all over it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's not smothered and covered, but.

[Jim Jeffries]

Has a hint of. Hint of jizz.

[Allison Rosen]

This is my rook laptop that never leaves the studio. I think there's a thin veneer.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a dusting of jizz. No, tell me like, I'm the creep in the. No, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Just be honest. Right now.

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell you. You guys tell me. Hold on.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry to interrupt, Adam, because Adam is making me feel like a creep.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was going to help you.

[Brian Bishop]

It's bullshit.

[Adam Carolla]

I was going to help you.

[Brian Bishop]

She's making me feel like a creep for my laptop, but yet she can change the channel on every hotel remote control, and that is completely smothered in jizz. That has been dipped in jizz.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Several times over and never been cleaned.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, no, that's. That's true. So if you've ever handled a remote in a hotel, you have handled someone.

[Brian Bishop]

Showing a black light on your hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Thousand Salesman's jizz. Let me ask this. Has anyone ever got the computer porn anxiety, which is. I know what you're talking about. You've looked up some porn on your computer. You're not exactly a whiz with the thing. You're not sure if you've erased it or not or where. The thing is, I had this thing happen once where I was. I looked at some porn on, like, a laptop computer, and there was a bunch of guys from, like, I don't know, whatever magazine, architectural whatever, they're doing a photo shoot at my house, right? And the guy. The guy was literally like, I don't remember all the details. All I remember is, like, the makeup chick, all the people from the magazine, Lynette, the kids. Like, I don't even know if the kids were born. Lynette was there, everybody. And this guy was, like, this French photographer, and I said, like, what other stuff you done? Or whatever it is. And he was like, oh, let me see your computer. Here, I'll show you. And he had this thing where it was, like, linked up to the TV set, and he's like, hold on. I can show you some of this really cool architectural stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Very American Pie.

[Adam Carolla]

And he started, like, fiddling around with it, and he's like, where's your Dropbox here. How do I open your files? And whatever. And I was like. I wanted to, like, dump a fucking can of beer on it and, like, short it out or just grab it and throw it in the pool. I really thought about ripping out his hands and throwing it in the pool.

[Brian Bishop]

Just a sledgehammer to the keyboard.

[Adam Carolla]

And he kept, like. He kept, like, dragging and looking around and popping stuff up on the bottom. And he's like, really. He's speaking in, like, broken English, talking about some really cool photos he took that are online, that if we can just type in the right, we can find the thing, but they gotta download. And everyone's gathered around. Walk away. Just leave it alone. Leave it alone. So every guy's had that weird experience, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, every guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, good. I'm not the only one. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam's not the only one. Brian, tell me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, for sure. I wouldn't let anyone use my old laptop when I was single and then met Christy and moved in together. It's like, you don't want to, you know, use yours. I know it's in the bedroom, but go get it.

[Brian Bishop]

Who does that, though? Adam? Why would this man grab your laptop and just do that? Like, not even thinking that something like that would happen. Like, I could never do that. Like, if I were to ask someone for the laptop, first of all, I'd never do.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

But. Because I know there's probably some creepy shit on there, and I don't want to see it because I still want to be your friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

But I would never ask somebody, hey, can I scroll around on your laptop? It's like it. All it takes is one click and you see something and you go to a world that you never wanted to see before.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

Oh, that's what you're into.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

They accidentally leave it on the bar of opened windows. You know what I mean? It was like NBA and then Ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Blasters, you know, it was one of these things where it was like, he was, like, broken. He was a French guy, sort of broken English. I somehow engaged him on some conversation about architecture, whatever it is, and he just went, oh, I got a show. Oh, you're gonna love this kind of thing. And next thing you know, the computer was open. He was just banging away, and everyone was gathered around it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I forgot about this till just now, but I was visiting an ex girlfriend's parent when she was a girlfriend at the time, many years ago, her parents and I hopped on their laptops, like, print out a boarding pass to go home, because the Weekend was over and it was the dad's laptop. And as soon as I typed in like S, it was like sexy underage girl.

[Adam Carolla]

It was, it was.

[Allison Rosen]

I pray that it was remnants of pop up ads. That's how I convinced myself it was okay. It wasn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this, I've said this.

[Brian Bishop]

That was under favorite.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel pretty strongly about this now. You guys convinced me when I used to do Loveline all the time. We'd talk to these 15 year old chicks and they're like, my mom and my stepdad got hold of my diary. What's in there? Well, I gave oral to some guy on the football team and I wrote all about it and now I'm grounded and they're totally freaked out and they're contacting his family and blah blah, blah. And I always said you gotta have two diaries. Have the one that you fucking don't leave it on top of your dad's dresser. But just kind of put it under your pillow or in the drawer of your nightstand and just have the one that starts with Dear Jesus, had another fruitful day. I'm blessed. I thank you every day for my stepdad Ron and my mom and all the blessings. Still saving myself, still saving myself from marriage. Maybe beyond. I may go two, three years into marriage because even if I get married young, I'm gonna wait till I'm at least 35.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm really Worri worried that I'm trying too hard in school. I might be praying too hard at night.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Was very, very upset that I only got a B minus in my pop quiz in trigonometry. Scared to tell my folks. Bring up something that you don't want to bring up in front of them, then leave that one out. And then the ones about I'm still virgin because I've taken everything up the ass that that one you hide. But once they find the one they're looking for, no one ever finds a diary and goes, where's the second diary with all the good shit in it? They just find the one diary, leave that one out. I now make the decree two laptops for every mail. Wow. Yeah, I mean, you just need the one that's got all the good, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. The blueprint of your life.

[Adam Carolla]

You just, you'll have the one of charity events. Shit, the chair. Well, let's see. You know, look, he went up on ebay and looked at a coup car parts or something. No harm in that.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what he always does.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what he does with his computer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, cars.

[Adam Carolla]

He went to Rotten Tomatoes to check out the Ninja Turtle movie. And then there's the other laptop.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking chicks in cars dot com.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because what we're doing, not a real thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, probably.

[Adam Carolla]

Besides ladling jizz all over the laptop that everyone is handling and that you have to do yourself, you're asking a pretty tall order of yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

Which is.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's take. Take two very separate parts of me and compartmentalize them on the same screen.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, because there's a very like, hey, this is business. I'm looking this up. Yeah, I am on ebay. I am looking up weird car parts on ebay and all that. And then there's the weird porn that's in there. It's too much. Laptops, they're very inexpensive these days.

[Allison Rosen]

Very get to, well, get a tablet, get asked.

[Adam Carolla]

Just get the porn. Laptop. 1.

[Brian Bishop]

And a really good external hard drive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And you need to.

[Jim Jeffries]

Is that where you keep your porn?

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, man, I was making a suggestion. Alison.

[Jim Jeffries]

I mean, it'd be awful if you lost your porn and had no way to get it.

[Brian Bishop]

Tell me about it. In the safe.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, you need two safes also.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

That one safe with all the nice stuff that you saved since you met her. And then the other safe that's storing stuff away just in case you break up with her.

[Adam Carolla]

We had. What was the man show bit we already did on this one. I will tell you about Rest in peace.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, the one where you get killed and they have to clean up your house apartment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a service. It was one of the first. We can show it to Joe. That's great. It was one of the first man show ideas I had, which is all my fucked up friends are out here. I had a roommate that had like handcuffs, a strap on a 45 and like black Jugs magazine, like in his nightstand. And I was like, if your parents have to come out here from Phoenix, like you get in a drunk driving accident or something, you perish. This is the first thing they're gonna find when they come back here.

[Brian Bishop]

If my mom found that and I died, she would display that at my wake.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what she would do. Well, now we have rescue Sep was into. It's a handcuffs and black boobs.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a disposal service for you. You can watch it. Matter of fact, on that note, have.

[David Wild]

A look at this.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, sometimes the unthinkable can happen. I'm going to heaven. Your family will remember you by what you've left behind. Our little Adam was a drug addict and a pervert. When you're gone, it's too late to hide any evidence of your hedonistic lifestyle. Hey, no one wants to be remembered this way. And when your time is up, you want to rest in peace, not in shame. That's why I'm here, to tell you about the Rest Assured Disposal Service. Here's how it works. Seconds after your unexpected death, a monitoring device alerts our dispatch unit. In and out in five. Let's go. Our expert team of disposal technicians immediately converge on the premises to confiscate all your intimate possessions.

[Brian Bishop]

New guy.

[Adam Carolla]

That way. Let's go. Go, go, go. Contraceptive on the table.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's move.

[Adam Carolla]

Gentlemen, my favorite joke with the bowling pin is coming up. And no stones left unturned. After the area secured interior designers begin the redecoration process. Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Illusion of a respectable lifestyle that will make your family proud. So by the time your loved ones arrive, your reputation will go from this.

[Jim Jeffries]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

To this. Adam's bible. It's your legacy. Protect it with the Rest Assured Disposal Service. Because when you die, your family doesn't need to know you're going to hell. Now you can rest. Rest assured. That's great. I think the. I think that was Bean from Kevin and Beans. That were his goats. Someone is like, we gotta get some. Oh, I wrote it. So I was like, I gotta get some goats into that room. And I was like, where do we get goats? And I was like, oh, Bean has goats.

[Allison Rosen]

Of course he does.

[Brian Bishop]

Those are star goats.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably dead.

[Brian Bishop]

That is a funny bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I love that. Thanks, everyone.

[Brian Bishop]

Genius.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you know, it's one of the.

[Brian Bishop]

First things, and I'm not even joking.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of dudes who are in their 20s who would fucking sign up, moved away from the farm, who would definitely sign up for that, especially with the computer stuff. All right, we're gonna do a little made up movie first. Something you should sign up for. All right. Should we do?

[Brian Bishop]

Adam, I want to ask you a quick question. I'm sorry. How much money do you need for the. To fight the pod guy, the. What's his name again?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I will say this. It is done with.

[Allison Rosen]

The patent troll.

[Adam Carolla]

The patent troll. Yeah, it is done with. I cannot talk about it for another 30 days or something. Whatever the time allotted was. What bothers me about it is everyone thinks, oh, we settled. And there's a sort of connotation with settling when you hear Michael Jackson settled out of court. You think he cut a huge check to some 9 year old? I can tell you there was nothing close to that. And without getting into a bunch of details, I can also tell you that we raised a bunch of money, but it cost a lot more than we were able to raise. And that's why it'd be nice and helpful for those of you to bookmark Amazon and help us. But I can say this at the.

[Brian Bishop]

But people that are starting their own pods, do they stop to worry or did you squash it altogether?

[Adam Carolla]

The risk of sounding pompous and. Or arrogant, I think it is. We've made it safe to do a podcast. I don't. Thank you. I don't think that there's much danger down the road of patent trolls coming after you if you're starting a podcast.

[Allison Rosen]

So will be revealed soon.

[Adam Carolla]

All will be revealed soon.

[Brian Bishop]

But still donate. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be. It'd be nice to get back to zero, people. That's all I want to do in my adult life is really get back to zero. It's quite a rallying cry trying to do. And for those of you that are like, hey, why don't you take some of that extra money and give it to the eff? There is no extra anything. It is absolute damn ludicrous.

[Brian Bishop]

So where can they go?

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm going to donate fund anything I think is still up. Or you can just bookmark the app and Gary's making faces and you can go to Amazon too and just bookmark. Okay. It'd be nice to get again to zero.

[Brian Bishop]

Congrats.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Made up movie. According to an ancient Mayan prophecy, in the year 2012, a hero would rise to turn your movie titles into blockbusters. That hero is Adam Corolla. Boy, that could be me. And this, this is made up movie. All right, we'll start with Shelby, 44, Wisconsin. Shelby, what do you got? Hi. The movie I thought of is Racing Minds. How about we do this with racing Minds? We make it a sort of period piece. We do that based on a true story even though it never happened. Really?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But we started that way.

[Allison Rosen]

Inspired by true events.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. 1960s, it's the NASCAR circuit and this is an all black pit crew.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

And what happens is the local college, they pull the plug on the football program. And all these big buff black dudes are like, they got nothing to do now. They know nothing about impact wrenches. And I know it's cost. That's right. That's in football.

[Brian Bishop]

All I Know is cars.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you don't know. You know cars, but you don't know about nascar. You don't know about my grandfather race.

[Brian Bishop]

Cars, and my daddy race cars. And all I know is cars. Sir.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you don't know anything. That's all I know.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't know cars.

[Adam Carolla]

All you know is football. But you have the crazy physique. No, I gotta teach you about cars. Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Now I understand the plot of the.

[Allison Rosen]

Story, the character's journey.

[Brian Bishop]

I play football, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Taye Diggs. That's all I want to.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to know about is.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause what we realize is nascar. Sorry, it's a bunch. So there's that scene where there's a bunch of fat good old boys, like, drinking their beers and stuff on the.

[Brian Bishop]

Back of a truck.

[Adam Carolla]

And all these big old yoked black guys come up, but they don't know anything about how to do it, but they're such physical specimens that this guy is going to. And this is the most racist sport in the world at NASCAR in the 60s, it's all running through the South. You see, see the Confederate flag flying in front of some of these big speedways and all that kind of stuff. But these guys are going to make the difference in shaving the tenths of a second off. And they're taking that, their, their teamwork as football players and going over the wall. And you see there's that, you know, like slow motion scenes of the rip. Guys holding, doing two tires. Nobody does two tires. You know, it's just been a bunch of skinny or fat white dudes have been going over the wall.

[Allison Rosen]

Marginal quality. This is like, remember the Titans, but for racing, for integrating.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what, let's throw Denzel in there then.

[Adam Carolla]

Denzel's blind.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a. He's a blind race car driver.

[Adam Carolla]

Denzel.

[Brian Bishop]

He knows everything there is to know about cars. He just can't fucking drive one because he can't see.

[Adam Carolla]

Whereas after, after. But he can hear the fire in Talladega in 59. He's been blinded, but he. It starts off with him walking past a car going. Just running a little bit rich.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And everyone's like, how can you tell? He's got. He's got the weird. We don't put the glasses on him. We give him the weird foggy eyes. Weird foggy eyes.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I told you, if I told you, you wouldn't know.

[Allison Rosen]

Does he have the tap cane? Does he have the tap cane? So to drive the point home or is it just pretty foggy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, he uses a tap cane, and he hits the tire sidewall, and he goes, front, driver, side. It's about three pounds low. He knows just from the kickback. Genius on the tap cane. See what I'm saying? He can tell by tapping all. All the time.

[Brian Bishop]

His dog knows a little bit, too. Like, his dog will bark or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's got to be.

[Brian Bishop]

That rubber's low.

[Allison Rosen]

That's rusty.

[Brian Bishop]

Rusty says, we need to change the tires.

[Adam Carolla]

There's that move where he taps the front driver side tire and goes, three. It's a few pounds short of 30. 30 pounds. And the super racist white guy goes, I just checked that tire. And he's like, check again. And they show that scene where he puts the pressure gauge and he just looks up and goes, you know that. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

He checks the tire, and he's right. Denzel's right. But he says he's wrong. Nope. Says right here it's correct. And then as he walks away, he looks at me, goes, he was wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

No. As he's walking away, Denzel hears him going up, and he just smiles as he's walking away.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

And he recruits all these young, tough black studs who played on the football team who can see. And they're gonna. They're gonna coach them up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're trying to explain this is a white man's world. And it's like, he's. You want to win? You want to win. You get these guys going over the wall.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

These guys are athletes, but they use their car.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like a car that shouldn't win at all. It's like a fucking Cadillac with spare. El Dorado. El Dorado with the. With the spare in the trunk.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're beautiful film.

[Brian Bishop]

It happens.

[Allison Rosen]

It works.

[Adam Carolla]

Every movie does that.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, remember, you know, like the movie where they don't have sports equipment and they fucking win with the shitty equipment. This is the same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't win. That's a car with a Cadillac.

[Brian Bishop]

His dad's a. His dad's a pimp, and he doesn't need this El Dorado. I smacked too many in this car race in it.

[Jim Jeffries]

I believe in Joe's idea.

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Diggs just dropped out.

[Allison Rosen]

Turn around.

[Brian Bishop]

Sinbad took the role.

[Jim Jeffries]

All right, now Whoopi wants it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we're gonna have the studio. We're. We're just. We're gonna have to get a few guys in and punch this thing up.

[Brian Bishop]

Then how about this? The last race at the end of the movie, the Cadillac breaks down. But they were. They were so far ahead. They were so far ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Because of the All Black pit crew.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

They push it to victory.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. He grabs the steering wheel and starts the sprint. We get Hussein Bolt. He outruns.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not taking this seriously, Shelby.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I like that movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you like. You like our three movies?

[Jim Jeffries]

I'm in line to watch to buy tickets right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Take all my money. Brian. You know movies. I think I had a nice basic structure of a period piece with the all black, and it's a sort of Tuskegee Airmen of Pit crew.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't want to say Joe Joy made it. It's silly.

[Adam Carolla]

Joy. Yeah. I felt you took away the integrity. There was an integrity.

[Brian Bishop]

So then, sponsor for the car? Kentucky Fried Chicken. Okay, let's move on. I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, who's next? Anybody have one?

[Allison Rosen]

Go to line three.

[Adam Carolla]

Line three. Let's talk to Frank, 41, from Massachusetts. Frank. Frank. Adam. Nice to speak with you. Good to speak with you. Hey, can I say hello to Brian, Allison and Joy? It's off the table.

[Brian Bishop]

See?

[Allison Rosen]

What's your movie title?

[Brian Bishop]

See what you've done to my name?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Joy Luck. Over here, buddy. What's going on? Not much. Not much. My movie title is High Heat.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

How about a good baseball comedy along the lines of, like, Major League. Hence the heat in the title. But this is a big baseball player, a pitcher, a journeyman pitcher who his skills have eroded over the years. He's getting into his 30s. He's not the player he once was. Lost a couple miles per hour for his fastball. He's a National League player on his team's trip to Colorado to play the Rockies. He smokes a little weed. He discovers it helps his game. He's throwing the heat again. He's back up in the 90s, and you realize he needs to be high for every game in order to pitch. Well, somehow he's compelled. It's only legal in Colorado. And why Washington? He's got to get high every game.

[Adam Carolla]

And the big. This year, they decide to have the World Series in China.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

And he can't score weed.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

You can't find weed.

[Allison Rosen]

Is this like a Seth Rogen vehicle? You know what I mean? Is that. Stunt guys.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't have weed in China. Only opium.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They try to do this big, but he'll literally be arrested at the airport.

[Allison Rosen]

He dabbles with other shit, like drugs in China. But none of them work. He needs the weed. He's got to get high.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. And maybe we'd have a Joel Gray character. Now, hold on, I'm with you. He played an Asian guy in a movie. Yeah, Remo Williams or whatever was that was the movie that he played. Joel Gray played the old Asian, the old Chinese man.

[Allison Rosen]

Did he?

[Adam Carolla]

And yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Why did you meet Brian?

[Allison Rosen]

Because you're old and Asian?

[Adam Carolla]

No, we'll figure it out, I swear to God. In Remo Williams, which was Fred.

[Allison Rosen]

Fred Durst, Astaire.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, the guy who looks like Mike August. Mike August, Fred Ward. Fred Ward. Mike August looks like K D. Lange and Fred Ward were fucking thrown in. Sort of rape. O matic. And he just spilled out of this thing. You'll see pictures. He'll get the wrong ones at first, but eventually. But. But we will see. You'll see that Joel Gray played the old Chinese man who was the instructor in that movie.

[Allison Rosen]

They got away with that in Hollywood for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

They did.

[Allison Rosen]

The white guy is Asian guy. Yeah, they got away with that for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

A fuck of a long time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They should bring it back.

[Allison Rosen]

The writer thinks of, like an actor when he writes the movie. I think the writer's thinking of Seth Rogen. Until told otherwise. This is a Seth Rogen vehicle. The guy who gets high and has to be high to pitch.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. And love interest. There's got to be some love found, found along the way.

[Allison Rosen]

This is the front office thing, right? Like the GM of the team.

[Brian Bishop]

I like a Chinese. A Chinese owner's daughter. And that's. That's against the law in China.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. They're not playing. They're not playing the Chinese team. What they're doing is, is they're going international. Like that London series. Right? Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he bangs some Chinese owner's daughter and falls in love with her.

[Adam Carolla]

You wanna see? You wanna be offended, Joy? Son of a bitch.

[Allison Rosen]

At least the makeup's good.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's not.

[Jim Jeffries]

It's like he has the face of the big animal from Neverending Story. As a Chinese man, Falkor, I bet.

[Brian Bishop]

You the makeup artist was having so much fun with this one. Should we make it more slanty?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Just enough for a quarter to fit.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

This summer is throwing high heat.

[Adam Carolla]

Throwing high heat. All right. And can I get a dime bag?

[Brian Bishop]

That's like the catchphrase, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who else? Anybody else in this movie.

[Allison Rosen]

I could see him fall in love with, like, the, you know, like the Lucy Liu. The Chinese have, like, an emissary. You know what I mean? The woman just wants to show them around.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, Shell.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

You American baseball players always use a drug.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I get you what?

[Brian Bishop]

And she pulls out weed. She's got dandelions in her hand. Yes, I got you the weed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of that. And then she brings pot. She brings a bunch of pots out.

[Brian Bishop]

Got you pot. That's a pot, right? For the whole week.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And when you say Doobie, she shows up with Michael McDonald. Do you. You got one you like?

[Jim Jeffries]

Allison, line four.

[Adam Carolla]

Line four will speak to.

[Brian Bishop]

This is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, there's Fred Ward. W. I think you could just put.

[Brian Bishop]

In any guy to be the dad. I mean, he looks like Katie Ling.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's got a lot. Just a white guy. He has some Fred Ward. He definitely has some Fred Ward in him, too.

[Jim Jeffries]

He has a tiny bit of Frank Stallone in him, too, I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

That was awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. Let's talk to who? Line four.

[Jim Jeffries]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Cormac. Cormac, solid name.

[Adam Carolla]

35. Boston ace, man. Get it on. What is your title real quick?

[Brian Bishop]

Before I give you my title on.

[Adam Carolla]

The topic of people being. Seeing what you masturbate to, I just gotta throw this in there. When I was 15 years old, my grandmother walked in on me jerking off. The Basic Instinct.

[Brian Bishop]

Who did it.

[Allison Rosen]

Good choice.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's a great choice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Bad times. It was a different time.

[Brian Bishop]

What part of Basic? Interesting or while she was boiling the rabbit?

[Adam Carolla]

It was actually the. The lesbo nightclub scene.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, good job. He knew what he wanted at 15.

[Adam Carolla]

Awkward breakfast the next morning. The good thing is, when it happens after that, I kind of feel impervious to the whole problem. Like, yeah, go ahead, fucking look at my laptop. I don't really give a shit. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Grandmother's not a Jerking off.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So your wife or girlfriend now will be fine because your grandma caught you beating off 20 years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

Next story, she's into gils, so it's all good.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The wife or the grandma? The wife. Yeah. She's into gills. Let me tell you, when my boy turns, you know, 13, I'm gonna be doing a lot of tapping on the door and a lot of long conversations. I'm gonna come down the hall wearing, like, snow shoes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like just boom, boom, boom.

[Jim Jeffries]

Wear a bell around your neck.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like a cowl.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want. And I don't. I'm not interested in walking in on anyone's Anything.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Just let them know someone's close, right? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, if he's, you know, 17 and has a hot piece of ass girlfriend, I'm fucking shoulder rolling through the door. Yeah, I'm coming up in ninja stuff. But that's different.

[David Wild]

Sonny will be the son of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Master of Spong Shui, so he should be like the master. Oh, I will pass. I'll have Joel Gray pass on the master spunk. Shui.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's play some games.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what do we got? All right.

[Brian Bishop]

My title for you is the Golden Pillow.

[Adam Carolla]

Golden Pillow.

[Jim Jeffries]

All right, so now there's likely a porn of the same name, but this is not the porn movie that we're going to be making. We are making. I think it should be science fiction. And a lot of people in this particular town are having trouble sleeping. And it turns out that there's one man who no one understands why, but he has the ability. If he's in the room with them, they just get sleepy, and all of a sudden all their fears and all their stresses kind of melt away. And they're able to sleep if he's there. But it turns out that he internalizes all of their dreams. And so it's like it's hurting him. He's helping them sleep, but it's hurting him because he's just sucking up all of their anxiety.

[Adam Carolla]

The keeper of the slumbers become burdened with other people's problems.

[Jim Jeffries]

Exactly. Just like in the Bible.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. So it's gonna be a tough bitch. Could we see, like, Tim Robbins in this role? Or who do we. Who do we see as this guy?

[Jim Jeffries]

For some reason, it's against type, but we see Matthew McConaughey.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Is the keeper of the sleep does this.

[Brian Bishop]

We see Matthew, but will he look at this script?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what happens. So he comes into the room, he internalizes, and we don't know he's internalizing.

[Jim Jeffries]

At the beginning, we just. At the beginning, we just see that all of a sudden they're able to sleep and he's just sitting there, like, reading or something.

[Allison Rosen]

This is an underground word of mouth kind of thing. He doesn't advertise in the yellow pages.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Like someone at CBS is looking at.

[Adam Carolla]

Pulling place in a different time.

[Jim Jeffries]

We can be, but we were not.

[Adam Carolla]

In, like, van Nuys in 2014. Right. Like we're somewhere. Well, I don't know. I feel. Feels kind of willow y to me, you know, like we're somewhere.

[Jim Jeffries]

Elmer and the dwarf.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that one.

[Jim Jeffries]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

That willow. So you're saying this is before the crappy one.

[Brian Bishop]

So this is before Pillow.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Jim Jeffries]

Oh, I see. Like, he's like the village.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's your movie. I just want to know, like, are we in present time?

[Jim Jeffries]

Yes. Yeah, I see it in present time. But this is the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like, are we in Boston or Philadelphia? Like, where would.

[Jim Jeffries]

Where do you think we're in any town, usa.

[Adam Carolla]

Anytime, usa.

[Jim Jeffries]

I feel like the fact that it's happening, that insomnia is like rippling through this one particular town. There's probably something that's going to come up maybe two thirds of the way into the movie where we learn why it is that no one in this town can sleep.

[Brian Bishop]

It's government too. Government has something to do with this?

[Jim Jeffries]

Yes. That could.

[Brian Bishop]

It's some type of conspiracy.

[Jim Jeffries]

I didn't see it going that way.

[Brian Bishop]

There's black choppers flying over every night that sprays something. We don't know it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right.

[Allison Rosen]

A dystopian future where the government does. Trying to put everyone to sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

That's an idea.

[Jim Jeffries]

Sure, sure. I'm with you.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that. At what point do they pee on the pillow? Or is that.

[Jim Jeffries]

That's the porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe, we really.

[Brian Bishop]

Matthew McCullough.

[Adam Carolla]

We came in with such high hopes with you in that made up movie. Sorry.

[Jim Jeffries]

He's aging.

[Adam Carolla]

He's aging really quickly. Too fast.

[Jim Jeffries]

Yeah, because he is soaking up all of their pain and all of their stress and all their everything.

[Brian Bishop]

But you know what he does? He guides them. He doesn't tell them their dream. He guides them back on the right path because the dream is actually telling them that they're doing something wrong with their lives. So he then tells them what not to do. Like he directs him in the right direction.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's the love interest come in? Gotta be. Gotta be some love found at some point.

[Allison Rosen]

It's gotta be his opposite, right? Or like someone who has an opposite power or some Katie Holmes.

[Jim Jeffries]

She keeps people awake. She falls asleep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

People that have sleep apnea or narcolepsy. Yeah, she just helps them stay up.

[Adam Carolla]

Her name is Joan Rockstar. Yeah. And she keeps everyone awake.

[Brian Bishop]

She's just booze.

[Adam Carolla]

22 ounce aluminum cans. Annoys everyone and keeps them all away.

[Brian Bishop]

And she's with the government. Yes, she's with the government.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm folding up on this one. Let's try one more. Jason. Hey. 30 from Washington. How you doing, Ace man. Good, man. What do you got? So I got a island breeze. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Joe, how are we gonna ruin this one?

[Brian Bishop]

Come on. This one takes. This is an Asian piece. This is an Asian piece.

[Adam Carolla]

It's an Asian piece.

[Brian Bishop]

This is an Asian piece. I think it's Kirk. This is recent. This is an island that keeps getting hit by bad weather.

[Adam Carolla]

Really bad. Soon, tsunamis, hurricanes. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Just always getting hit. But there's something about this island. If it could just have the right weather, it could be a Hawaii. It could have. It just needs that tourist money to come in. And it could provide.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, they're desperate for money.

[Adam Carolla]

They're divide.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

These. These families could have money. It could be something. It just. This fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

I was talking.

[Brian Bishop]

Comes every July.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys tell me this.

[Brian Bishop]

It wipes us out for about six months.

[Adam Carolla]

I was talking to Bill Simmons about this last night, and he was saying if you, like, rent a house in Malibu or something, you have to do like a little tsunami plan, like a little practice with the tsunami. And then I thought, rich man, poor man, fleeing the tsunami. Like, you can be in the colonies at Malibu and have to have, you know, a tsunami plan. Or you can be from an impoverished fishing village on some island you never heard of. But it's not a middle class problem, the tsunami. No, you have to be at some great destination resort or you have to be the fishing village guy. But. So how do we stop the weather?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's a tough one.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that where a bearded Brad Pitt comes in?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And he has powers.

[Brian Bishop]

He just. He did. There's a. There's a volcano that he always goes on top of. And there's always that scene, like in the morning, like we always wake up. It's like early morning, and the little kid looks through the, you know, the glassless window of his hut, and he looks up and you see Brad Pitt, like, with a cane, like, almost like Moses.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. A staff. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Trying to bring good weather to this town.

[Allison Rosen]

How about this? How about the island is impoverished. They like their only way out of this is tourist dollars. But the damn monsoon season is practically year round. Can't be able to show up, taking everyone. It's a small island. They decided to build a giant dome over the island.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

It's an absurd comedy. But they build the dome, and next thing you know, it's a goddamn paradise. The place is beautiful. It's the biggest.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone wants to go there. Stephen Baldwin. Yeah. Stephen, I think we should just. You know what?

[Brian Bishop]

You didn't like that at all? And it's called Island Breeze.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I blame myself.

[David Wild]

It doesn't have one.

[Jim Jeffries]

When it has a dome on it.

[Brian Bishop]

And the cool. And the cool thing is they. They charge people to go in the dome so you can see the monsoon hit.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

And there's some kids that couldn't get into the dome, some families, and they fly right past the fucking dome. You see them.

[Adam Carolla]

I rarely say this, but Tara Reid was actually better at this game than you were, Joe. Look, she was good. I'm not gonna blame this one on you. I didn't bring my A game today, I don't think. Allison.

[Jim Jeffries]

I thought we got out of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Gate decently with my all black pit crew, but I thought that was, I.

[Allison Rosen]

Would say, high heat.

[Adam Carolla]

High heat.

[Jim Jeffries]

Partial to your own movie.

[Adam Carolla]

I probably should have moved it. I shouldn't have said it in China.

[Brian Bishop]

So you really didn't like the El Dorado part?

[Jim Jeffries]

It was a cattle. Oh, is that an Eldorado?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

No, but see, what eventually happens is like a sponsor finally gives them a regular car.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, don't act like you don't see that. All right, let's, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna make it up in the news. We're gonna make it up in the news. That's all. Adam Carolla will return in Made Up Movie Part two. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll come back with the news and Joe Coy and you right after this. Welcome back to the Adam Carolla Show. Here's what not to watch on TV tonight at 7 on VH1.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't watch.

[Adam Carolla]

Atlanta X's Christina tries to make peace in the aftermath of Tamika's drama soaked event. But insults fly when the ladies meet for lunch at 7:30 on TV DLC. Be sure to miss 19 Kids and Counting on a trip to Tennessee, the Duggar Clan meets Dolly parton. And at 10 on FX, definitely don't watch Battleship. After extraterrestrial invaders attack a US Navy fleet during a training exercise, an untested lieutenant is forced to take command and fight back against the aliens. Based on the board game. That's what not to watch. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show. I spoke to Pete Berg the day he was going out on a boat to write Battleship. And I still couldn't figure out whether it was based on the board game like don't spill the Beans or Don't break the Ice, There's a Hungry Hanging Hippo or was just a movie about a battleship. And then everyone was like. And he was like, no, it's based on the board game. And I'm like, the board game is about you shouting out numbers and then putting pegs into it and then the thing sinks. But I don't remember a huge alien component to the board game. Battle shot.

[Allison Rosen]

Aliens, I'm pretty sure. But you're right, not a huge alien.

[Brian Bishop]

Did they refer to any of that in the movie? Like, did at one point did the captain go, H7. That's a hit.

[Adam Carolla]

It had nothing to do with the board game other than it was on a ship called a battleship, which has been featured in many a movie such as Tora, Tora, Tora. And the list goes on. So I don't know. I still can't figure out where the alien part came in.

[Allison Rosen]

Tangentially related to the board game, I would say, rather than based upon it.

[Adam Carolla]

Had a battleship in it.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the tangent.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. They did. Gary says they sort of referenced it. They play. They pay homage to it. There's the scene where the Asian commander.

[David Wild]

Is using all these buoys.

[Adam Carolla]

What did he sound like? Joe Corey, played by Joe Gray.

[Brian Bishop]

Debuy into ocean. But commander trod a buoy into ocean.

[Adam Carolla]

Commander, there's an alien vessel out there. Trow debuy.

[Brian Bishop]

H7.

[Adam Carolla]

Commander, listen to me. I am listening to you.

[Brian Bishop]

Now to get the buoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Commander, listen to me.

[Brian Bishop]

Right behind you. Grab a buoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Grab the boy. Grab the buoy.

[Brian Bishop]

The buoy right behind you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the buoy. Yeah. Grab it. I have it. Okay, now throw it. What is this gonna do? To save. There's a huge alien craft that's off the starboard bow. I don't think throwing the boogie. What?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm a sinking.

[Adam Carolla]

No, there's a buoy. It's the size of an ice chest.

[Brian Bishop]

Do it now, soldier.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second.

[Brian Bishop]

Do it now, soldier.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not in charge of me. Oh, yes, I am, asshole. Listen, Admiral Joy.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen.

[Adam Carolla]

You listen. Listen to me. You listen to me. This is my battleship now. You sick of battleship. You watch your tone. Don't do. I don't do it in the ocean now. I speak enough Chinese to understand. That was not very flattering. I speak a Chinese, asshole. It's Mandarin. I speak enough English to know what asshole is.

[Brian Bishop]

Grab the buoy and cho in the ocean.

[Adam Carolla]

I know Mandarin's a kind of food and Chinese is a kind of language. So don't pull that BS on me, Commander. I mean, Admiral Cho.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't call my language a fool.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen to me.

[Brian Bishop]

I cannot listen to you. You are under my command.

[Adam Carolla]

Grab boogie, Joey Ocean now. And you're gonna like this one right now. Stand down.

[Allison Rosen]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Stand down.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't believe you guys remember the scene word for word.

[Brian Bishop]

That was awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I remember that scene very well.

[Allison Rosen]

So, Gary, you were saying it went down like that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean, it's pretty much. All right. Just found out that Ty Burrell, who's a very nice guy, just one supporting actor for Modern Family. And I don't even know who he was up against. But I say you don't do better than Ty Burrell.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. Especially with an ensemble cast like that being considered a supporting actor. But I guess technically he is.

[Jim Jeffries]

Remember when you guys were in first class with Eric Stonestreet of Modern Family and I was stuck in coach and you guys didn't stop talking about it for the whole weekend?

[Allison Rosen]

You know what we talked about the whole time?

[Jim Jeffries]

Being in first class.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but that and fridges with the freezer on the bottom.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Stonestreet has two of them. Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

How is your refrigerator stacked, Joe?

[Brian Bishop]

It's got everything in it.

[Jim Jeffries]

No, but I mean, I understand why that sounds like that's what I was asking. But I mean, is it a Chico man?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

Is it a side by side or do you have your freezer on the bottom?

[Brian Bishop]

Freezer on the side.

[Jim Jeffries]

And that's what I have. And it works fine. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I love it. Well, it's completely empty anyways. Nothing on the bottom, nothing in there. Nothing even inside the fridge.

[Allison Rosen]

Just pick up the pieces After a nasty divorce.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he went through a pretty rough divorce. She probably got the freezer on the bottom. Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

He seems fine with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's the front that he puts up because obviously he's comedian.

[Jim Jeffries]

That's what I've been saying.

[Brian Bishop]

It makes no sense.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they say.

[Jim Jeffries]

He makes good money. He could have the refrigerator freezer.

[Adam Carolla]

Defense is a good offer.

[Allison Rosen]

I think Ferrari are ugly. Why would I want one? I wouldn't take what they gave it to me.

[Adam Carolla]

All those cylinders and that. They don't get good mileage at all. Not at all.

[Allison Rosen]

What's so great about being in first class? Crash first when the plane comes down.

[Jim Jeffries]

It doesn't hurt my back from not bending down to get things out of the freezer.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I just turn to the side and open up and get some.

[Jim Jeffries]

That's right. Yeah. Sometimes I open them both and I can see them all at the same time without having to tilt my head.

[Brian Bishop]

I think the freezer on the bottom is a stupid thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It is really stupid. What do you have in your freezer?

[Brian Bishop]

Tell us what you have in your freezer that you need. A big giant treasure chest. At the bottom of the fridge.

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell a rehearsed conversation when I hear one. I just. You guys obviously connected. You spoke about this. You got on the same page and you came in.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me tell you why the freezer on the bottom is stupid. How do you place the items inside the freezer on the bottom? They're all just. It's just a lump of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Looks like a kid's toy chest.

[Brian Bishop]

Beautifully.

[Adam Carolla]

Magically, like.

[Brian Bishop]

There's Stouffer's. Stouffer's lasagna underneath the steak.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

There's just. You can't get to ice.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to stack everything on top of each other and then beautifully stake stuff out without the whole pyramid coming. Landing, frozen pyramid. Landing on your feet.

[Allison Rosen]

I can see how if you haven't seen one, you would think that.

[Brian Bishop]

I can see that. I can see that it was an option. And I went with the side freezer.

[Adam Carolla]

At the old house. You chose it behind.

[Jim Jeffries]

That's right. Some people choose it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Just like I chose to not use shampoo.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right. This is uncomfortable. I think anyone who has a drawer freezer understands where Brian and I are coming from. Let's just move forward, get through the news. Hope there's no freezer related stories in there. I'm sure Ty Burrell has one. Or at least now he can afford one. The news with Allison Rosa. She'll read some news from her iPad.

[Brian Bishop]

Sometimes it's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Allison.

[Jim Jeffries]

I have received tweets from people who say they don't like their freezer on the bottom.

[Brian Bishop]

The freezer on the bottom is really stupid, Adam. Seriously.

[Adam Carolla]

But there's always a bunch of conversation before.

[Brian Bishop]

But I agree with Allison. It is the stupidest thing.

[Adam Carolla]

There are always going to be kind folks out there that are trying to certify have picked up the. Yeah, right, Right.

[Jim Jeffries]

Everyone's frames are different.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I would say I hated my car if the repo man was taking it away. I couldn't afford it. And like, oh, I hated that car. Get it out of here.

[Jim Jeffries]

Saying it's sour grapes. So in news, the American Academy of Pediatrics issued a policy statement asking school districts to move the start time for school to 8:30 or later for middle school or high school students.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, where were these motherfuckers when I was in school? Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Tell me about it.

[Jim Jeffries]

I know they're saying that delaying the start time would curb teenagers lack of sleep, which is linked to poor health, bad grades, car crashes and other problems. And teens are especially at risk for. Because chronic sleep loss has increasingly become the norm, most US students in middle school and high school don't get the recommended amount of sleep. Do you want to guess what the recommended amount of sleep for them is? And then I'll tell you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's probably over eight hours. And let me just say this, speaking as a guy who always has under the recommended amount of sleep for my seven jobs. Get used to it, bitches. I would rather just fucking just go. Look. Tough shit. By the way, I know everyone doesn't function at a high level when sleep deprived, but I got news for you. To all the kids out there with their participation trophies and the sandman standing next to him for nine hours every night. Night life is a series of you having to get up a fuck of a lot earlier than you wanted to. And you better learn to function off of less than the proper amount of sleep. Right now it's taking tests. At some point it'll be catching a flight, doing a presentation, being up on stage and saying something semi coherent. I mean there's a lot of stuff that you're going to need to do where you're not exactly fully charged in the battery department. And I know some of this when you're younger has to do with growth and development and all that kind of stuff, but feel like you could just go to bed a little bit earlier. But I also like that ability. I would like my kids to be able to function nicely on less than adequate sleep and or a couple of beers in them as adults because we're all going to be, we're all going to be in that situation as adults. Whether it's operating something or having to give a best man speech or giving some presentation involved a flight to wherever, you know, early and whatever. You better be able to get your shit together on three and a half hours sleep. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

First time in my career I just came back from Guam, right. And literally got off the plane. First shows the next day. So it was like 15 hour flight, right? Then they added a show. But the show they added, there was no they. I could only be there on Saturday. So they added the third show. It was at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm still trying to adjust. I wake up at one on stage at 2:15 telling jokes and it was the weirdest adjustment. I've never done that. It was literally I just woke up, took a shower and here I am trying to be funny.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys all know, the people that can't rally, like, the people that are just no good when they get, you know, they give. They get less than six hours, they're just gonna call in sick, like, just can't fucking do it. And like, if you want to shoot an independent film, you're gonna get less than whatever's recommended for a month. Yeah. Day in and day out. And you'll. The only way to get anything done, really. Like, if you really, really, you know, if you're interested in just fucking getting a job at the postal sorting place, you can kind of get on a schedule and cruise. But if you really want to kick some ass in life, you're going to have some pretty irregular hours a lot. Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

I think.

[Adam Carolla]

And you should get used to it.

[Jim Jeffries]

If you just even want to go to the gym before work, you're not going to get enough sleep. Like, anytime you want to add something to your life sleep, the hours that you sleep is where you have to add it in anyway, though. The recommended amount of sleep for teenagers is eight and a half to nine and a half hours. But most high school seniors get an average of less than 7.

[Adam Carolla]

What the. By the way, where are we in terms of God's design?

[Jim Jeffries]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That we're dangerously close to half our lives spent with a boner, drooling and passed out on a mattress. I mean, it's, you know, I wasn't.

[Jim Jeffries]

Quite where I was going with that, but. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's, I mean, you know, they go eight hours is a third of your life. But you do the part where you kind of get. Climb into bed, maybe watch a little TV or read a book or something, and then you doze off and then you sleep for eight and a half or nine and a half hours and then you do that move where you get out of bed, but you lay there for a half hour before you actually pop up. I mean, we're getting, we're getting pretty fucking close to, you know, we're bumping up against the rev limiter of half our lives fucking passed out dreaming that either we're winning the super bowl or Rosie O'Donnell is on Joy Behar shoulders and chasing me down a beach that I can never escape them from. You know, like, why is this part of our plan?

[Jim Jeffries]

Right. What really. And I'm sure there's a thousand books written on. But what really is the function of sleep?

[Adam Carolla]

I know it's super important, but the thing that's fucked up about it is I would not. The only thing that makes me Unhappy in my adult life is that sleep like, hey, you gotta go do catch a contractor and you have to be in Arlita and the call time is 7am but you got to do a podcast the night before and you guys are coming back from Irvine and you're doing a show the night before and I'm just fucking driving home from Irvine thinking, oh fuck, I gotta get up at 6:15 or 6:10 tomorrow and drive to. And I'm not, I hate it. But every single day, all fucking. I mean it's.

[Jim Jeffries]

So are you more unhappy the night before or the morning of? Because for me, the morning of when I have that feeling of I have a whole bunch of shit I have to do. I didn't get enough sleep. I actually physically feel like I want to cry.

[Adam Carolla]

Not. Yes, the night before is ruined by the sword of Damocles, which is hanging over my head, which is the alarm clock that's going to go off at 6am and all I'm saying is if we were a cell phone and we work this way on a charger, we would throw ourselves out. Yeah, we'd go, this is a piece of shit. This is bullshit. Like I plug it in, I use it for half hour and then I have to charge it for 20 minutes and then I can use it for another half hour and then I need to charge it again.

[Jim Jeffries]

We need mobile sleep packs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's something we need to fix.

[Brian Bishop]

But we also when we have to go to bed, like you said, when you're driving back to Irvine, you always. We all say this when we're driving, like, fuck, if I can get back by 3:30, I can get two hours of sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right.

[Brian Bishop]

If I can get. Oh, if I can get, if I speed I can get home at 2:50 and I can get about 3 hours and 10 minutes of sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

My craziest deals would be when I would do Stern and I'd do Stern with East coast times starting in, sitting in for Jackie or whoever. 3am we'd go on and I'd do it from Westwood One. And I worked at Westwood One in Culver City and we would finish Loveline at midnight. I would drive home at 12:30 at night going, I have to be back in Culver City. I was living up Beechwood Canyon under the Hollywood sign. I have to be back here before 3am to do six hours of stuff. And I'd just be driving home going, am I going to sleep for like 45 minutes or 50 minutes? And I was utterly miserable. I could not go to bed Immediately upon getting home. I would also do it when we would do. I did an entire fucking week of Dawson's Creek where the call time on the set was 7am and because of the three hour time difference we were doing loveliness from 1am to 3am in some studio in North Carolina. And then getting back to my shitty motel at like 3:30. I would watch oh, not oh what Perfect Strangers, of course Perfect Strangers with Cousin Balki would come on at 4am I would drink a little red wine. And when that was over at 4:30 I would go to bed until like 6:30. And I was fucking miserable. That's great. I would like a coffee table book of people's sleep misery. You know what I mean? Like you tell us your most horrific. Anyone? I dare you to touch the Howard Stern driving home from Westwood One and then turning around at 2:30 in the morning and driving back and then trying to be like this with Howard Stern and Rob whatever guest they had in their studio. I wasn't there to monitor the show. I was there to like, hey Zinger. But on an hour and two minutes sleep, you just start thinking. You'd start thinking like, what was the name of that show where they had the fake alien in it? Ralph, what was the name of that show? Like you couldn't think of anything.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If Howard would have said to me quick, what's your mom's name? Or touch your ball sack or anything, I would have fucking failed miserably. I could not, could not fucking think. That's the other thing is your brain goes to shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Why is it too when you're so tired, like you can't wait to drive home and you always say to yourself, right when I hit the bed, I'm out. All of a sudden you're wide awake.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't understand that. And now I can't sleep. That is, it's about an hour before I can even.

[Adam Carolla]

That is the sober version of just doing cr prank for 4 days straight. Like you're so fried that you actually are such. You're in such a state of agitation that you can't relax enough to fall asleep. You're so fucking wigged out, you're afraid to let go. I think, yeah, whatever. Whatever it is. By the way, Kimmel just presented best supporting actress in a comedy series. Allison. Oh, Jani. Wrong one CBS show Mom, which I've not seen, but she just won it. And Louis Cinema CK wanted for best writing. I liked Louis CK but I not signed off on. He gets to be the arbiter of all that is comedy. Like something happened like two and a half years ago where he just became the funniest person on the planet. And he would just tell everybody what the funniest thing was. And I'm not signed off on that. I'm fine with him. I like his show, but I don't sit there and just laugh hysterically when I watch it. I just go, this is interesting. Like slice of life, cool premises and stuff like that. But at some point, I don't know what happened. It was like three years ago. Everyone just went, oh, this guy's comedic genius. He was kicking around for 15 years. Before that, no one ever said anything.

[Jim Jeffries]

Yeah, I wonder how that happened.

[Adam Carolla]

It is weird, right?

[Jim Jeffries]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And before you know it, it's just him and Seinfeld, Chris Rock, like sitting around going, well, we'll all tell you what's funny. And I'm like, when did this happen?

[Allison Rosen]

It's the kind of reverence that's usually like, reserved for like dead people like Bill Hicks or like Mitch Edberg.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like universal approval.

[Adam Carolla]

Show's good, but you don't sit there just laughing when you're watching it. You just go, oh, this is interesting. Yeah, kind of slice of whatever. And it's nice and it's not, you know, some shitty four camera sitcom. But you don't go, like, to me, when I would watch Curb your Enthusiasm when it was firing on all cylinders, it like set up the problem at the beginning and then would always come around and tie it up like, whatever, that he just offended that big black chick. And then at some point when he needed to get on the airplane or whatever it was, guess who was standing there like, it was like, would always.

[Brian Bishop]

The flight attendant always put that bow.

[Adam Carolla]

On it every time. Right.

[Jim Jeffries]

It was so perfectly crafted.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it was so good.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Louis CK Is good, but it just kind of keeps going. Like it doesn't really. And you just kind of go, I think it's one of those, oh, never get caught trying kind of comedies. I don't know. Were you guys with me? Where are we at?

[Brian Bishop]

I haven't seen it, so I can't jump in.

[Adam Carolla]

But he's good.

[Jim Jeffries]

But you're right, there's a lot of pathos in it. It's not like, oh, my sides hurt from laughing that hard. And yeah, it's not, it's not like, oh, I want to study the script as you would curb your enthusiasm to see all the ways that they cleverly pull it together. It's just a well done. Slice of Life series.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think a lot of it is. There's a lot of shit out there, and this ain't one of them. Like, number one. Like most sitcoms, comedy and stuff, it's just really not that funny. But then there's also a sort of in comedy, trying too hard and pushing too hard feels. Feels sort of wrong. And this is laid back and, you know, hey, if you get it, you get it. If you don't, it's on you. Or that's your problem. Or I'm not staying up. Well, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for me.

[Jim Jeffries]

Right. Which to the viewer makes you feel like, oh, they're not condescending to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jim Jeffries]

Like, they trust that we're in, we get what's going on, and it's good.

[Adam Carolla]

But it is weird that, like, Louis ck, I mean, he's been around for a long time and at some point just went. Everyone just went, well, that's the new face and voice of funny. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, in terms of. I haven't seen the show, but in terms of a standup comedy, I mean, if there's anyone to sort of wear the crown of best stand up today, I mean, someone has to be.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's weird that you two love comedy and neither one of you seen the show.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Just not compelled to. Doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It is like, kind of.

[Jim Jeffries]

If I were Todd Berry, I'd be like, I'm over here. And I've been here a while, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. All right. All right. Well, so Jimmy just gave away that spot. Sorry. Where were we?

[Jim Jeffries]

We were doing some news. Olivia Wild did the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, and she had a unique take on it. Let's see it. Hi, I'm Olivia Wilde, and I would like to accept the Ice Bucket Challenge nominations of Ty Simpkins and Diana Agron. I would like to dedicate this to my friend Scott Liu. I will be donating in your honor. I hope it's okay. Couldn't find any water, so I'm gonna use breast milk.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Jim Jeffries]

It took me all night to make this. So it's a giant bucket of milk. And we'll discuss that later. I'd like to nominate Cory Booker, Gloria Steinem, and the artist currently known as Prince.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so she just dumped what basically on top of Jo Koy's computer right now. On top, minus the ice cubes. Yeah. On top of her head. It was 2 gallons of milk with ice in it.

[Jim Jeffries]

There's no way that's really breast milk. Right? How could you possibly make that much breast milk?

[Allison Rosen]

Under no circumstances.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Why would she say that, though?

[Allison Rosen]

Still funny, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Was she being funny breast milk? Because the way she delivered it sounded like she really.

[Jim Jeffries]

It did sound like it, but when you see that much, it's like, I just don't think.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I did real time with her once a million years ago. And I remember first off going like, oh, my God, is she beautiful? She is delightful. And number one and then two, is.

[Brian Bishop]

She pumping her breasts?

[Adam Carolla]

And she said vigorously. She said, I'm a user mumbling about Lou Gehrig. And I kept saying, what are you doing that for? And she said, don't worry. It all makes sense in a few years. Years. So she was really pretty and she was super smart. Like, she was focusing on all the topics and the economic discussions and what Middle East. And she was like, hell bent on not just being some pretty face who was up there going like, I think Al Qaeda's lame because I just don't think they're cool and I wouldn't hang out with them if I was in high school. She was not going to be that person. And I remember just going like, this is a super impressive, substantial person. I met her and just went like, this is a substantial person. So I think she has a really good sense of humor. That's what I'm guessing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, she seems cool.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think Prince is gonna do this, by the way. I don't think his hair is gonna tolerate this.

[Allison Rosen]

No, probably not.

[Adam Carolla]

It probably takes him a long time to get his hair the way he wants to sit.

[Brian Bishop]

He's gonna slip in his heels and.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not a velvet oriented activity. He wears a lot of crushed velvet and his hair's not gonna restore. Respond. Well, this is not a good Prince activity.

[Allison Rosen]

I would hope he would donate a large sum of money instead.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Jim Jeffries]

Daniel was looking at. I don't know if it was Instagram or Vine or whatever. And he went, oh, my God, Someone did this challenge to their dog. I don't think that's okay. I hope it was warm water.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a hot day.

[Jim Jeffries]

I don't. Your dog has to choose and he can't.

[Brian Bishop]

The dogs don't care if it's cold water.

[Jim Jeffries]

Some dogs could.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, my dog loved ice for a treat.

[Jim Jeffries]

Well, okay, then your dog could pull it.

[Adam Carolla]

A hunting dog could probably pull it off because they go in a greyhound.

[Jim Jeffries]

They're too skinny.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they're way too skinny.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you, I don't even know how to transition in a blue apron, but I'm gonna do it. I got. They've been sending over boxes, and first I thought it was like a kind of a novelty. I'll just bring the box home. Comes with the ice pack and everything. But it is all laid out. It is the meal. It is all the ingredients to the meal. It's in a box. It's, you know, 22 inches, 24 inches. It's a decent sized box. You open it up, and I got my nanny making all this stuff. Just. It comes out just like the picture. And it is awesome. Awesome. It's one of these services.

[Jim Jeffries]

I hate when your nanny buys too many ingredients.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, well, you guys, your nanny's a cook, too. Are you just using her? Like, is that. Was that in the job description when you hired her? Like, I want you to watch these kids. And then you whispered under your breath, and cook too.

[Adam Carolla]

Cook. Did she know? Whatever. Look, she's on the payroll.

[Brian Bishop]

Unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

You're either getting paid or you're not. Once you're on the clock, you're on. On the cock. You understand what I'm saying? No, she. The box comes home and I set it up on the thing and I go. Go to town. And she just takes the picture out. All the ingredients are all weighed out, measured out, and all done up and just fucking lays it out. Takes half an hour and it's boom. And it's just as the picture is. And it's delightful stuff. Brian, have you gotten into this many times?

[Allison Rosen]

And it is for even the average cook, the person who has no idea what they're doing, it's very hard to screw up with the pictures and the portions. It's all right there for you.

[Adam Carolla]

It is great. It's locale stuff. It's all great ingredients. I ate. She made a. I gotta say, modified. They had like a lamb. I don't even know what the pasta.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, the cavatelli.

[Adam Carolla]

Cavatelli.

[Allison Rosen]

I love cavatelli.

[Adam Carolla]

Eat it for lunch. I've been eating it for dinner. It's unbelievable. All right, so anyway, you guys have heard enough. Go to blueapron.com, blueapron.com Adam, get your first two meals free. This is.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it easy enough? I know you have a nanny that'll cook it for you.

[Adam Carolla]

She will.

[Brian Bishop]

But can you do it if she was. If she called in sick? Is it that easy? Can you do it?

[Adam Carolla]

I do, because I have a lower mount freezer, and it easily slides in and slides Out. I don't have to side mount. Obviously, you couldn't get the. You couldn't get the box. And there's too cumbersome. Yeah. Yeah. So I. I could. With my. Obviously station in life. Yes. But no, you guys. I wouldn't recommend that you guys try that.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I will get? I will get the. The bottom freezer for my. My second house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When you're ready to step up, tell me. I know guys. I'll go out, we'll kick some. We'll kick some. We'll kick some sheet metal together. I know some of the guys who do that.

[Allison Rosen]

Sir, please stop kicking the fridges.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll take you out.

[Brian Bishop]

You'll take me?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll set you up with my guy.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I'll go.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a freezer guy.

[David Wild]

Freezer broker.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Jim Jeffries]

Can you not just buy one? Do you have to know someone? Is that how it works?

[Allison Rosen]

It might be the same guy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not the kind of thing you just want to jump into. You know what I mean? You don't want to get freezer burned, top fry. Thanks, buddy. Well, your hand's cold. You hand them in the freezer.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but in the freezer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Do we have the same guy?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, it's gotta be. How many guys did I introduce you to? My guy, in fact, you may have.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're using my guy. That's why we have the same freezer guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Obviously. Now I feel silly even questioning it. Yeah. Good guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Knows a lot about freezers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Pete Frost.

[Brian Bishop]

Pete Frost is his name. He's a dick.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of ironic, but he's. Yeah, he's a cool guy.

[Jim Jeffries]

It always makes you wonder what came first.

[Gary]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Right? Yeah. I don't know if he's a legacy. I don't know if his dad did it.

[Allison Rosen]

He inherited the Frost business.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Either way, when you're ready. I mean.

[Brian Bishop]

You know one thing I like about the freezer. Allison.

[Jim Jeffries]

Tell me.

[Brian Bishop]

Never have back problems.

[Jim Jeffries]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

It's so ergonomic.

[Brian Bishop]

I can't wait to see someone like Adam when he gets a little hunched over.

[Jim Jeffries]

Unable to enjoy Frozen 14 hours on.

[Adam Carolla]

Set, make sure hammering away.

[Brian Bishop]

Now he's got to bend over for a fucking frozen pop.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't make the call unless you're ready to squeeze the trigger on the.

[Brian Bishop]

Who put the freezer on the bottom?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what everyone's time. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Be frustrated. Ross is a busy man.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Put the freezer on the Fucking bottom. Lead actor, by the way. Jim Parsons from Big Bang Theory.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I'm okay with that. Although I'm not sure if he's that guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Which guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you guys. You're with me, I think. Or are you? That you have to sort of deduct points if the person you're playing is sort of you.

[Jim Jeffries]

Oh, right. Jim Parsons, that guy. Argument. Like he might. Might just be playing himself, but that's still amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. I'm not worried. It's a concern.

[Gary]

Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

You play you.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. And I don't win any fucking awards, that's for goddamn sure.

[Brian Bishop]

I hate it when they become the actor that plays themselves and they have to act like themselves. That's the worst. Like when Pacino acts like Pacino, he.

[Adam Carolla]

Starts turning into Pacino doing Pacino. All right, let's do one more.

[Jim Jeffries]

All right. So Nicki Minaj and her stage show were rehearsing for the VMAs, which just happened, and one of her backup dancers was bitten by a six foot long boa constrictor named Rocky.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Jim Jeffries]

Rocky is a veteran of the business. 15 years, had never bitten anyone. But unfortunately, after this incident, the dancer was okay because Rocky was not venomous.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, I got a new challenge for testicular cancer. Bitten by snake.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you donate the 100 bucks.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I would love to see a bunch of celebrities bitten by snake. I would fucking watch that.

[Allison Rosen]

Most would opt for the donation probably.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. That's where the bucks come rolling in.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I know what you mean.

[Adam Carolla]

See a lot of people just getting the water dumped on them and they just give 10 bucks instead of 100 bucks. But when Rocky comes to town, get that checkbook out. Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

So the producers had to use a different snake after that because obviously, you know, poor Rocky. I wonder how Rocky's handler felt.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? And that woman was, why is the snake so seductive? You know what I'm saying?

[Jim Jeffries]

I've never been seduced by a snake in real life.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's sort of like Dusk from Dusk Will Die. Salma Hayek comes out like, here's the whole thing, ladies. We don't see a snake around your tight ass and go, ooh, wish I could. Really. I'd like that snake to lick my balls while I was fucking you. We just go, how do we get that fucking snake out of there so I can get to her pussy?

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly, exactly. That snake's gonna bite my dick off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm not excited about your snake.

[Brian Bishop]

If I see a hot chick walk into the room with a snake wrapped around her body, the first thing I think of is, I'm not fucking that chick.

[Gary]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Until she loses the snake.

[Brian Bishop]

Loses a snake?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm not like, holy, this is alluring.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Any other reptiles you have laying around.

[Jim Jeffries]

I'm in my ass.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah. What about a caiman?

[Brian Bishop]

And then the bigger the snake that's sexier. They think that is. Is albino.

[Jim Jeffries]

Is it women who think this, though?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Men are supposed to find it seductive on a woman because it's like a.

[Jim Jeffries]

Gigantic penis draped around her.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird, you know, I blame gay men. Natasha Kinski.

[Brian Bishop]

Who's that?

[Jim Jeffries]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

Who's Natasha Kinski?

[Jim Jeffries]

Oh, somewhat recent. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

She had a lower freezer. I think you'd know who we're talking about.

[Jim Jeffries]

She was in Cat People and she was in Parasite, Texas, and she used to be all the rage many years ago, and then she fell off the face of the earth.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you show the poster of her with the snake, you realize what started. It's either that or the whole Adam and Eve thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Probably the Bible has a lot to do with the.

[Jim Jeffries]

I'm going with Natasha.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going with Natasha too.

[Jim Jeffries]

That really gripped people's imagination a little more.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree with me.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

That is not the. I don't think that's the post that we're talking about. But it's close. It's close enough.

[Allison Rosen]

Clean the laptop.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, that was a great picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, now I see why.

[Adam Carolla]

So now Nicki Minaj is also one of these people where I'll just take everyone's word for it that she's huge, but I don't know songs of hers like Bruno Mars. Well, Bruno Mars, he can dance, so I'll forget. That's number one. But Nicki Minaj is one of these folks. She's supposed to be hot, but I'm. There's way too. Ah, this is the poster. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the same one.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not.

[Jim Jeffries]

She's wearing a bracelet and it's a different snake.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that is a different snake. She's in love with snakes, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

The same one was. Was a different snake.

[Brian Bishop]

The other one was. Yeah, Rocky.

[Adam Carolla]

That started. That started the whole thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I can see why.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

That. Yeah, see?

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry.

[Jim Jeffries]

This is working.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, I see why. Hey, I see why the snakes are a cool thing now. Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam is Nicki Minaj, hot or not.

[Allison Rosen]

No, she. She feels entirely like a creation. She is as put together a product as there exist.

[Adam Carolla]

Feel like it'd be like a cross between a pinata and a rodeo clown.

[Allison Rosen]

That's probably accurate. It's probably accurate enough to ask her.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Or someone who's her.

[Adam Carolla]

I could probably ring them up.

[Allison Rosen]

August, get on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Who are the guys who've been with Nicki Minaj? Because I feel. Gary, first off, that ass is a lot to contend with. Yeah. You don't just, you know, you need to have a plan when you approach that ass.

[Brian Bishop]

And a dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you need a dick and a plan. Forget the plan. Yeah, you don't just. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Asians know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Any Asian. No way.

[Jim Jeffries]

From behind photos is the one on the right. The unphotoshopped one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. But there's a theory about this picture that somebody photoshopped the one on the right to make it look shitty.

[Jim Jeffries]

Oh, interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Which you could do as well though. The one on the left looks way too good. We're looking at her album cover. I do believe either way you have to have a cock based plan when you come at Nicki Minaj, you know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Definitely can't go in blind, right.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like, like Cameron Diaz. You don't need much of a cock plan. You know, you just go in willy nilly. You know what I mean?

[Jim Jeffries]

Like, you know, turn, hang a left at the something or vulva.

[Adam Carolla]

No, there's certain positions you'd like to stay away from.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? First thing you need is to figure out just you don't want to get over your skis. You know what I mean? Like don't ask your to do more than it was the good lord put it here for.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So certain positions will be a no fly zone for you.

[Jim Jeffries]

You don't want your eyes to be bigger than your.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's right. That's right. And you're definitely going to want to have one of those where you could grab the base of it and still have a lot to work with.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you don't want to. You don't want to go into a position where you know eventually you're going to sit, say sorry. Yeah, sorry, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Nikki or her go.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought I could get it in there, but I was wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Or worse, her preemptive. Are you in?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like she. Yeah, it's been 20 minutes.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's what you want to avoid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you want to avoid those. You want to. You always. I've always wanted that kind of. That you could grab a handful of bass and there still have more to work with.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

To guide. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

It'd be nice.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be nice.

[Jim Jeffries]

Would you settle for smaller hands?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I never thought about that.

[Brian Bishop]

I was thinking about cutting my pinky off. I don't really use it anyways. Makes my dick look good.

[Jim Jeffries]

Go to Cher's surgeon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Either way, I would have a plan for Nikki. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. You don't hear about celebs. She's been dating engulfing.

[Allison Rosen]

Guess not.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim Parsons.

[Allison Rosen]

Poor Jim.

[Brian Bishop]

And he's playing himself when he's talking.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim Parsons and Nicki Minaj get together as a serious celebrity couple just. Just to freak everyone the fuck out.

[Allison Rosen]

That would make headlines.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd just be fun. And they'd just talk about just how fucking heated it was sexually. Yeah. Lil Wayne.

[Brian Bishop]

Lil Wayne was with her. Oh yeah, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Brian Bishop]

That's like mandatory to get on his label. Cause she's on his label.

[Jim Jeffries]

Oh, is that how I was?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Young money.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. I don't think I could handle Lil Wayne either, sexually. I think he's on my no Fly list as well.

[Allison Rosen]

There'd be a lot of positions you have to avoid with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Jim Jeffries]

Sorry, that's the news. I'm Allison Rosenz. If it cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. I think I'd like to see them having sex, though.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's gonna be crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be a feast for the eyes, right?

[Brian Bishop]

It almost looks animated.

[Adam Carolla]

There'd be a lot going on. Yeah, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

If you saw it in real time, you'd be like, is this a cartoon? Because it almost looks like a cartoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, let's see if we can get that together. Meanwhile, World of Tanks, baby. Free to play, by the way, on your PC. You can compete online. There's over 85 million players worldwide. It is voted best online game two years in a row. I love me some tanks. I love World War II. I love the historical battles. And you can do that. And beyond. By the way, they have 300 historical authentic tanks. I'm sorry, I know we beat these guys back, but I'd go with the Tiger tank. Love them. Panzer tanks from World War II. The Germans, boy, they could make a tank. Play tank. So go to Playtanks us and use the code Corolla. All in Caps, by the way. Corolla, all in caps. So playtanks us and use the code Corolla all in caps. And check it out. Rated T for teens. Use the promo code Carolla. Play for free. Have fun, baby. All right. Would you like President me the book? I'll get it to you. You want the jacket? Sign, send it in. Man, we got a whole bunch of not Taco Bell material. It's all back there on that back table. I sign them all. So send them in. Just go to the website, see where to send the book, the P.O. box and all that stuff. We get get. It takes a little turnaround, but we get it to you. It's a little. Takes a little while Ball Brian, if they send in I signed trinkets.

[Allison Rosen]

I signed two copies of Shrinkage today.

[Adam Carolla]

Sign it in. We'll sign it, we'll get it back to you. Joe Coy, everybody. The oh Joe show and Joe koy. J O K-O Y.com is where you go. Anyone a little mangrian? You're in Florida. Total wine locations have them all over the state. So check it out if you're in Florida. So until next time, Adam Corolla or Joe Corey. Joe Corey, Allison Rosen and Ball Brian saying, mahalo. I'm still virgin because I've taken everything up the ass.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, this is Adam Kolla show 1397 with Joe Koay from back from 2014. Coming up next, we have Adam Carlos show 1402 featuring Jim Jeffries, Brian Ray, David Wilde, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop as well, also from 2014.

[Gary]

Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll talk about the music in a while. The McCarthy thing. The guy never ages and never seems to be in a bad mood.

[David Wild]

Are you talking about Senator Joe McCarthy?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, I am. And you're on my list. So it's got to be great to go out there and play just great hits with Paul McCartney.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, it doesn't suck. I mean, Paul is stunning as, as a performer and obviously as a writer and a singer. Plus he's a multi instrumentalist, so he's like a four pole threat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he goes to the base, then he hops over the piano, mandolin, 12.

[Joe Coy]

String, 6 string, acoustic, you know, and he's just a force of nature.

[Adam Carolla]

Like you were saying, how with all. Now, I don't know what's. Oh, I know there's all the Paul McCartney songs and then all the wing songs, but what other Beatles songs are on the table when it comes to a live show?

[Joe Coy]

Well, he's pretty much choosing from all periods of any of the Beatles stuff. Now he does some John stuff, some George stuff, some of the stuff he even wrote that Ringo sang. And, yeah, it's all on the table.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's just a crazy Beatles, Paul McCartney, Wings, just greatest Hits. Yeah. Show every night.

[Joe Coy]

We're doing almost three hours right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you have to, because you. Because honestly, if you only limit it to 35 songs, people are going to be pissed because you missed five songs that they wanted to hear. Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

So it's 39 songs, basically, of the show right now, and at least 25 or 26 of those are Beatles songs.

[Brian Bishop]

So.

[Joe Coy]

And that's just, you know, he's joyous about sharing with everybody the music that made him.

[Gary]

Him.

[Joe Coy]

Who he is, you know, why not?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you get a lot of surprise performers? I'm guessing everyone, especially when you're in town, New York, Louisiana. Whatever, they want to come out and sort of jam, stand in with and all that stuff.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, you always get the guy. Can I play harmonica with you guys?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Joe Coy]

But, you know, he doesn't have a lot of guys sit in. He had a saxophone player that used to play with Wings a long time ago came out and there have been a few, but not too many, except for one night.

[David Wild]

Well, there was a Grammy night. We were just talking to Lynette outside, and we were talking about at the end of the Grammys a couple years ago, Paul couldn't decide what to play, and then basically decided to give people the end of Abbey Road and then literally, like the night before, decided to invite, I don't know, Springsteen, Dave Grohl. So it was like Brian and Rusty Joe Walls. It was one of the greatest moments in Grammy history. And it was really spontaneous. I happened to be around when Ken Ehrlich called. He's uncanny.

[Adam Carolla]

We do have. We'll put it [e-mail] but I think if you'd like to know what Brian Ray.

[David Wild]

I'm flying Virgin America tomorrow. Is there any way I can get an upgrade from Brian Ray?

[Joe Coy]

When I had stubble, I got a lot of Richard Branson.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Coy]

So I cut the stubble off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because who wants all that put. Yeah, yeah. You can go on a ride for that On a hot air balloon as soon as you ride the fleshy train.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[David Wild]

Is that your other side project, the fleshy train?

[Adam Carolla]

Fleshy train to nowhere.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no.

[David Wild]

But Kennerlich called John Landau and said, would Bruce sit in tomorrow with. With Paul and. And the band and Joe Walsh and groan. I remember the message that Came back, which was hysterical, was Bruce wants to know if it's the Paul McCartney, the one who was in the Beatles. And they. And we said, yes. And he said, yeah, in that case, I will. Yes, I will play with that Paul McCartney.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Brian, I should say who. Who are some of the guys? Like, they're guys like. Oh, I don't know. I was actually speaking to Peter Frampton's manager the other day.

[Allison Rosen]

Name dropper.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Trying to get some pussy, too. And I was talking about. I think it was John Haidt, but he also does Peter Frampton. But I'm saying, you know, you know, Peter Frampton's a great guitar player. And he gets all. Gets kind of lost in this cute. You know, Frampton comes alive with the big hair and the blue eyes. And you forget just how good he is at playing the guitar. Who else is out there? Joe Walsh is probably one of those guys where he's a little trippy, dippy. So it kind of gets lost a little with him. Like, who are the guys that you really respect that you think that we might not know are as good as they are at playing the guitar?

[Joe Coy]

Well, you probably know this, but for me, it's Jeff Beck, and he's a bit unsung. He's not quite as giant as, say, Jimmy Page or Jimi Hendrix.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Joe Coy]

Jeff Beck has been around since the mid-60s. He was with the Yardbirds and then had the first solo group he had had Rod Stewart singing lead. That was Rod Stewart's first entrance onto the scene. So he's like my favorite guy. And he's a guy who keeps rediscovering a new vocabulary on guitar unlike anyone else.

[Adam Carolla]

All I remember is I remember the Yardbirds. And I remember when I was in junior high or high school, half the people had these T shirts that said Jeff Beck on the front. And then on the back it says is back. Which I thought was sort of ironic, but I wasn't sure what it. What it was. I wasn't sure. And we'll find the T shirt. It was probably, you know, album that came out about that time. Trying to think, like, the most popular. What was the most popular concert or band T shirt of your era?

[Allison Rosen]

I'll think about that. But to answer your earlier question, I would bet Prince is high on the list of the guitarist who, because of all the other stuff, don't quite get the due as the guitarist.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, because he does the guitar solos that are so over the top. That. And I agree there's a lot of Pomp and circumstance there. But there's also a lot of crazy stuff in his songs that sort of highlights it.

[Allison Rosen]

But on that list of. Yeah, all the stuff distracts from what the real issue is the guitar playing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Although I do feel like because I hate Prince, everyone always defends him and saying what a great guitar player is there a lot of.

[David Wild]

A lot of the country, I hate.

[Adam Carolla]

Him as an individual, not as an artist.

[David Wild]

There's a lot of great guitar players in country that people like because, like, people know Keith Urban is a cute guy, but he's an amazing guitar player. Brad Paisley, who I, you know, I love. He's great. Vince Gill, who people say Vince Gill. People don't know that. He's one of the three or four best guitar earth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

The comedian who's been on this show is a really good guitar player.

[Adam Carolla]

About cut me off. All right, now.

[Jim Jeffries]

Imitation of him. He's actually good.

[Adam Carolla]

Concert T shirts, tour T shirts, AC DC was super popular. The Wall was kind of popular.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, My era was all alternative shit like Nirvana.

[Adam Carolla]

So Nirvana was real popular. There's one, There was a Yes T shirt that said maybe on it at some point as well.

[David Wild]

Where I grew up, it was a. The fight between the Jewish kids in the river Bruce Springsteen T shirt and the glass house's Billy Joel.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like the Long Island, New.

[David Wild]

Jersey warfare that we would meet in the city and battle it out.

[Adam Carolla]

But sure.

[Joe Coy]

Guess whose logo is the most famous world recognized single rock logo in the world?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna say Rolling Stones. Close. Or Van Halen.

[Joe Coy]

I was gonna say, you're not gonna believe this. The Ramones. The most.

[Allison Rosen]

They have a logo.

[Adam Carolla]

The most printed justice, the Ramones.

[Joe Coy]

It looks like a president presidential seal. And that is the most printed on T shirts of any logo.

[David Wild]

And we were just talking. I was on the road way before Brian. And I will say, if you haven't seen McCartney with the band he's had the last decade or so, they're unbelievable. That it like McCartney's live performances. He has a band he deserves and that's the highest praise I can give this band. But years ago, before Brian was in the band, I went with McCartney and Linda in her last tour to South America. And the Ramones got huge in south america like about 15 years ago, weirdly late in the day, and we were driving around in a bus and Paul, I pointed out this Ramones poster that was all like all over the place. And he said. I said, you know, they named themselves after you. Which he had no idea. The Ramones, they named themselves. Paul used to. One of the many names they gave themselves when they were playing around was, I think he jokingly called himself Paul Ramon. And. And Brian pointed out maybe that was Ram. The album Ram Ram on was a play on Ramon. Ramon. Yeah. And yeah, just a little weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Ramones history did not know that. Shall. Yes, Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of McCartney Live, isn't it weird to think that after a three hour concert there's people going home going, that was awesome. I really wish he would have played blank. I mean, half the people are probably thinking, I wish you would have played hit that you could never get to because there's only so many songs you can play in three hours.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, that's how you know you've amassed an incredible body of work. Now, the difference between that and like me and John Hyatt is none of the songs are hits, so I can't. They're songs I wish you would have played. John Hyatt has 200 songs and there's 25 I wish he would have played, but I can't argue with him because nobody else has heard them except for me.

[David Wild]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So at least with Paul McCartney you can go, oh, he didn't do the James Bond thing. Come on. What the.

[Allison Rosen]

Not so much deep cuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Ah, Blue apron. Love these guys. I'm taking them home every night. It works. Brian, you've been using this, right?

[Allison Rosen]

It's great. It's very consistent in the quality.

[Adam Carolla]

It's one of these things where you go, huh, what? Like when you first hear about it.

[Allison Rosen]

Even Adam Corolla could do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I dispatch one of my minions to.

[Allison Rosen]

Do it if you could, because they give you the step by step instructions with the pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

You get a box and every ingredient you need is in it. It's all weighed out, it's all done, and it shows you pictures. You just whip it up and it's like 30 minutes and it's like $9.99 and it's perfect. And it's like. But it's. I haven't had one yet where I've been like. Or you know that thing where you're, you know, it's like anyone who's baked a pie, you look at the picture of the pie in the book and then you look at the piece of shit that's sitting in the pie tin next to it, you go, how the fuck did. How did we get here? This is not that. This looks exactly the same. So what is this?

[Joe Coy]

A menu that arrives with all of.

[Adam Carolla]

Its ingredients, instructions, all Pre measured, all pre done, $9.99 per meal. They send you all the ingredients, the exact proportions, simple instructions, goes right to your door. It's good, super high quality stuff. Low calorie, but it doesn't taste low calorie.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's consistently good quality.

[Adam Carolla]

Just unbelievable. Less stress. You cook it at home. You go to blueapron.com Adam. Get your first two meals free. That is first two meals free. If you go to blueapron.com adam. All right, I was thinking a couple things. Oh, speaking of food. All right. Went out to left the house this morning with my lovely wife, Lynette.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you just snort?

[Adam Carolla]

She jumped in my car. I backed down the driveway, and as I was backing down the driveway, I heard a metal projectile go flying down the back of the car and then bounce off the trailer trunk of the car and then go rolling down the driveway. And I said, what the hell was that? And she said, oh, it's my commuter mug.

[Jim Jeffries]

It was.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, okay. Then I get into this thing all the time where I go, you know, if you have a system, these things don't happen. But then it's like, oh, why are you getting all preachy? And it's like, well, first off, I don't just critique people in their commuter mug placement. Just willy nilly, like, it'll be based. This is based on this stainless steel cylinder projectile that's bounced off my back window and is rolling down my driveway right now. So it's not just apropos of nothing. It has something to do with what just happened when I slammed the brake on. But not for me. But for you. Just put it in the same place. Here's what I realized. Everybody thinks they're better than they are. Are they set their keys, like, they do this move. They go. They come in the front door and they go, oh, I gotta take a shit. And instead of throwing their keys down where they usually throw it down, they go, oh, I'm making a beeline to the bathroom. And then as they get into the bathroom, they set the keys down on the shelf in the bathroom and they go, all right, when I'm done taking my shit, I'll put the keys back. You're not that good. Because then the phone rings. Then you forget about it. Smash cut to, I don't know where my keys are. All I want to say to everyone is, you're not that good. So don't put yourself in a position. It's sort of, I'm gonna ride a motorcycle in the rain. With no helmet. Because I'm really good. Not that good. That's right. Don't put yourself in the position where we can test you not being that good.

[Allison Rosen]

But either way, revolutionary motivational speaking technique. You're not that good with that.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not that good. No, I would say it. I'll put it to you this way. Anybody who lives. Brian. I'll put it to all the guys who like to peruse a little porn on the Internet.

[Allison Rosen]

So all guys.

[Adam Carolla]

All guys. Every human being, including ones that haven't been born. All right? And who then live with somebody. Children, significant others who may not appreciate what they were up to on the computer while they were at the supermarket, a hair salon, or picking up the kids or whatever it was. Open house in the bathroom where whoever it was turn their head. I'm saying, when you're done, whoever may say, I'm not gonna be home for another two hours when you're done with what's on that computer and you think, you know what? I'm gonna make myself a sandwich. No, no, no, no, no. Get rid of it now. You're not that good.

[Allison Rosen]

You need a shutdown ritual.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Shut down ritual.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jim Jeffries]

How do you get rid of it? Just close the window and erase your browser.

[Allison Rosen]

Set fire to last.

[Adam Carolla]

I throw it in the pool.

[Jim Jeffries]

Smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it does arouse some suspicion. Why is your cinder block tied to the Mac every time I come home? Why?

[Jim Jeffries]

Is the water cloudy?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but, Brian, you know what I'm talking about. Where you go. The old lady's not gonna be home for an hour. I'm gonna go crack a beer and have a sandwich. And then the phone rings, then you're out the door. And the next. You know, just have your protocol shut down ritual. Have the porn. That's right.

[Joe Coy]

Nicole.

[David Wild]

Do you have any idea how many marriages you just saved?

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[David Wild]

You are a hero.

[Adam Carolla]

So we were. I was out to lunch with Lynette today, and I did the. I. Listen, I know you guys have heard it before, but I fucking like soup. I like soup.

[David Wild]

You're brave enough to say it, too.

[Jim Jeffries]

I'm so glad to hear that today.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Look, I'm sorry. You know. Look, you know, I don't throw around the word hero lightly.

[David Wild]

Suddenly seems like the Larry King column.

[Adam Carolla]

I love soup. I love soup. I do. And I love all the varieties of soup. There's nothing better than the corn chowder or the beef and barley or whatever it is. But because I Live in la. I feel like I'm being punished by the bowl and the spoon. La fucks up soup like it's never happened. Where I was sitting in a restaurant and they said, oh, soup du jour. Goulash. Never nothing savory nothing with big chunks of beef. I want out to eat. I want fucking soup. And I said, what is your soup today? And I got what I always get. Carrot and ginger. And then I looked at Lynette and said, oh, remember growing up when mama would make the carrot and ginger? Or you'd open all those cans of hearty carrot and ginger? Or have we never heard of carrot and ginger? Nobody fucking went.

[Allison Rosen]

When you picture soup, Andy Warhol painting.

[Adam Carolla]

Pictures, do you think think of carrot and ginger? Like, I can't think of two worst things to concoct soup. I'd rather have it just made a Tears and jicama.

[David Wild]

It's my favorite Eric Clapton song.

[Joe Coy]

It sounds like baby food, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Carrot and ginger, you know, it's gonna be see through. It's gonna taste like nothing. They're gonna tell you what's not in it. It's gonna talk about a reduction, something. I want chunks of shit floating in my soup for me to consume. As a Jew, David Wilde, you must be disgusting. Yes. At this carrot, ginger thing. It's not a soup.

[David Wild]

I'm trying to walk gingerly into this whole soup issue because you think, I know Brian on the road with McCarty. My memory is there's a lot of carrot and ginger soup. It's a vegetarian tour still, isn't it?

[Joe Coy]

It is.

[David Wild]

So you must get a lot of.

[Adam Carolla]

Garden or something with some fucking bone backbone.

[Joe Coy]

Quite a lot of imagination you'd be surpr. Oh, it was good those great caterers come up with on our table.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is this. Where does carrot ginger rank on your soup power rankings? I mean, you know, clam chowders up there, corn, you know, beef barley, even just plain old vegetable minestrone. It's not in my top 80.

[David Wild]

Oh, if Allison is coming over for a Jewish meal, I'm making matzo ball soup.

[Adam Carolla]

Matzo ball soup is so fucking good. Chicken noodle soup is so fucking good. Why does every eatery in LA have to fucking outdo themselves with bullshit that nobody wants?

[David Wild]

How about a passion. A passion fruit soup? How would that be?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's next.

[Jim Jeffries]

What kind of restaurant was this? What kind of cuisine?

[Adam Carolla]

It's just kind of an eatery, you know, like nicer sandwiches, cheese platters, and that kind of stuff. But it wasn't all hoity toity. You could get a hamburger there for 14 bucks. I'm just saying, the other time I went, it was hazelnut soup. It's fucking nothing. It's fucking water. That's looks and smells like hazelnut. Like, why I want soup. Where you can dig into it. Yes. What the fuck? Why? Who wants it based on what? Like, if you say, I'm in the mood for soup. If you have that mindset, I want soup. Does anyone say, oh, please, please. Carrot ginger. Please, dear God. Carrot ginger.

[Jim Jeffries]

That's a salad you drink, right?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I don't know. Fuck.

[Allison Rosen]

We're doing just like the college football rankings are for Division 1 schools, you know, the LSU and the Ohio states of the world. You're not gonna find the Division 2 schools in there. So you shouldn't rank the Division 2 soups with the soups. It's a different list for the carrot gingers over the world.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Of which potato and leek is the best?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the best of those soups.

[Jim Jeffries]

I would put that in Division one.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Jim Jeffries]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Playing with the big boys, top of Division 2. I'm with you on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we have. I feel like we have some music experts in the studio.

[Jim Jeffries]

How do you guys feel about soup?

[Adam Carolla]

Carrot ginger is not a soup. It's like a warm smoothie. And it's not even gonna be that good because it's gonna be sort of translucent.

[David Wild]

Well, I will tell you, Adam, that the new Bayonets album, crash, boom, Bang, is like a hearty soup of rock and roll.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

That's nice chunks in there.

[David Wild]

It is a clam chowder with no clams. They had no clams during this album.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I wanted to hear.

[David Wild]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

I was driving in my car. I heard Lou Reed, which everyone has to say they love, even though no one really likes him that much.

[Brian Bishop]

I love Lou Reed.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course you do. And I heard his other hit, not the walk on the wild side, but the love you, Suzanne song. And I just thought, well, this song sucks. And then I realized I don't think he can sing, but I think his lyrics suck, too. So what am I missing with Lou Reed?

[David Wild]

Where do we begin? What a. Everybody had an 80s apocalypse. This is. This was an MTV hit, which is why you think it was a big hit. This was just a radio hit. It didn't really. Wasn't a big hit. And his great stuff was before and after this. But I think he's. He was a great poet.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he sing or is he in.

[David Wild]

That Dylan tradition of the not being.

[Adam Carolla]

Having ability now to sing.

[David Wild]

You could say that. You didn't say that when Jacob Dylan was here.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I didn't want to offend him. But he sings a lot better than his dad does.

[David Wild]

His dad's my. I named my son after his dad. So I. I don't. I can't be.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't read sing.

[David Wild]

He said he once did a record, actually, this record after this. There's a song in the album called the Original Rapper. You could argue he's kind of like a little. That talk thing.

[Joe Coy]

He had the guts to sing about heroin in a romantic way, and that's how he started his career. So I think there's a lot of people that just think, that guy's got balls. I love that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Cuz he's saying, my buddy R has balls too. He punched out a liquor store window once. But I don't want to listen to him. He.

[David Wild]

He wasn't in the Velvet Underground, which. I still love that stuff. I don't.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, it's a Velvet Underground.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Joe Coy]

That's why he's so huge.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but let's listen to him sing.

[David Wild]

I will say Lou Reed is the only man beside my father ever to kiss me on the lips.

[Adam Carolla]

Lou Reed, Really?

[David Wild]

I don't know. If you want to know that story.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to hear it. I think Lou Reed was about this. I think it's his name. That's my mini driver theory.

[David Wild]

Yeah. People like to say Lou, and I.

[Adam Carolla]

Think this is luck. And then I think. And I think once people. Once you got the look, once you got the name, people are scared to say they don't get it.

[David Wild]

But he was a rare badass Jew and had that Persona. But my. My experience with him was I had him on the show I hosted called Musicians, and we only let a musician bring in one other player.

[Adam Carolla]

Now what? He was a guest. He was making coffee.

[David Wild]

He was a guest. He was the first guest on this show I did. And he played with Fernando Saunders, who's a great, great bass player. Do you know Fernando Saunders?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I love that song.

[David Wild]

But no. So at the Grammys, like two years later, I. We had him with Dave Grohl to present the first award. And I went up to talk to him about what he was going to say, and he kissed me on the lips and I said, well, thanks. What's that for? He goes, when you had me play with one musician, I realized I didn't have to pay a whole band. And he started Doing gigs with just the bass player. And he goes, you saved me half a million dollars. And that is a way to a Jewish musician's heart.

[Adam Carolla]

Especially when you got those kind of pipes filling up the room. Hey, Suzanne, don't get in the way.

[Jim Jeffries]

Was it like a peck on the lips or did he grab the back of your head? How did this go down?

[David Wild]

I think it's between me and Lou Reed. I think he took me to the Velvet Underground. No, it was good for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Legal Zoom, baby. That's a nice segue. You're preparing for the future. You're planning your finances. You want to get your insurance. You want to get everything in place. Peace of mind. LegalZoom, baby. LegalZoom.com for over 13 years, they've been helping American get personalized wills, powers of attorney, Living Trust. LegalZoom also helps us file LLCs, S Corps and more. Protect you against personal liability. We use them here. You should use them there. Started by the best legal minds in the country. They make it painless for you to get legal protection and the stuff you [e-mail] legalzoom Dawson. You can get legal help through independent attorneys and self help at your specific direction. But they're not a law firm. For special savings, be sure to enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Go to legalzoom.com today to protect your business and take control of your family's future. Hey, Brian. I think I Got a tool. I Think I Got a tool tune. Sorry Room. Brian. Yeah, for you. Now, these are songs that you're not proud of liking.

[David Wild]

Guilty Pleasure. Would that be one way to say it?

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of. But there has to be a certain machismo tool to it. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

The two qualifications that make it not a guilty pleasure. Number one, you're not really guilty. You're like, this is a good song that I like, but embarrassed to like. And if it came on with the windows down and you pull up to a stoplight, those windows go up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's a tool tune in that in a way like Oombop is not gonna make it onto this.

[David Wild]

It's a full pleasure to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Full on Full pleasure to me, too.

[Allison Rosen]

But no, that's what makes it a tool tune. It's a full pleasure. No, but you're not gonna rock it out with the windows down.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Walking on sunshine. Bite Josie and the Waves or whatever. Katrina in the Waves. That's fine. The Pussycats I was thinking of. I don't call that a tool. I was looking for a Slightly more masculine. Like, when I think of a tool, I don't think of a woman or a young child. I think of a dude.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, well, let's see how toolish you are.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Jim Jeffries]

A dude who's a douchebag.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, this already sounds pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

The 80s channel, and I thought. I think I like this song.

[Allison Rosen]

Sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you tell? It was done in the 80s?

[Joe Coy]

Nice.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You're pulling up to the red light. It's a long intersection.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Windows are going up.

[Joe Coy]

You just don't want her to see that you're actually crying a little bit while the song's on.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the part. Everything sounds a little bit like a Rick Springfield song. Oh, here we go. Yeah. Learn about love in the back of a Chevrolet. Like every song's about in the back of a car. Is that Night Rider, Night Ranger, Night Ranger, everyone now.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry.

[Joe Coy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Sell it.

[Adam Carolla]

Tool tune. Tool worthy, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Pretty toolish.

[David Wild]

I could never get behind them 100 because it was Sister Christian, and that rubbed me the wrong way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Wild]

Sister Jewish. Might have worked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Started with hey Jude. Only took him 20 years to get around to that. But I'm not changing this if it comes on the radio, that's a good sign. But I am changing it if someone jumps in my car.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Fast.

[Allison Rosen]

Back to the John Hyatt channel.

[Jim Jeffries]

Helen Reddy's I Am Woman.

[David Wild]

A guy who died. One of the singers from Survivor died yesterday. And they're a band that have a lot of songs that are my tool tunes. Like there's a song called High on youn by Survivor that this guy said. And I have to admit, that's one I sing secretly.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that song.

[David Wild]

I secretly love that song.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[David Wild]

I have very few guilty pleasures, but that's a guilty one. Here it is. He died yesterday.

[Adam Carolla]

Love this.

[David Wild]

Such a. You know, Brian, you must have had some record songs like this that had such 80s production, because, like. Like Smokey Robinson that avoided a little. Like that hit. He wrote a song for smokey.

[Adam Carolla]

A hit.

[David Wild]

One heartbeat. But a lot of things from like, 80 to early 90s have that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

I'm gonna have to admit I. I'm gonna have to cop to deep love for some of the Def Leppard hits. Oh, some good stuff right there. Way too much reverb, but good songwriting, big hooks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like the song a lot, too. And I think I'll put it in my tool tune batch. I put it my toolbox, Right. Should we throw in the toolbox?

[Allison Rosen]

Go in the toolbox yeah.

[David Wild]

May he rock in peace.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's gonna be missed. I think I remember hearing a million years ago. I think it was Vehicle by Ides of March. And I went, I know that guitar lick. And then I heard Survivor. I know that guitar lick.

[David Wild]

That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim Petrick. I just picked the two licks out and I went, that's the same lick. And then the DJ said he later on went to surv.

[David Wild]

Same guy. Jim Pet. That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Good ears. Yeah. I can't play anything, but I have good ears. Yeah. That's less than a month. Oh, yeah. I'm pretty close in the toolbox. All right, Brian, now you gotta find.

[David Wild]

Can we play something good, like a bayonet song?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. I didn't. I didn't know we were playing a bayonet song.

[David Wild]

Can we play one? If you want to compare.

[Brian Bishop]

I like.

[Adam Carolla]

Does it sound like it's a non guilty pleasure? Sure.

[David Wild]

Sounds better. We're gonna do so Easy Rider. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

It's our new single.

[David Wild]

Steve Van Zand, his radio show, which some people. I'm sure it's a syndicated everywhere. He's coolest record of the week or whatever. He's named like four songs from this record. The coolest song five. Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you want to go right now?

[Jim Jeffries]

I believe you me. We could be so Easy Rider.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. So Easy R.

[Allison Rosen]

Has a little.

[David Wild]

That muscle car thing that Brian's a car guy and was admiring your. He's a Newman fan as well, but this has a certain muscle car vibe to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's something about.

[Joe Coy]

Guitars do lend themselves to visuals of cars and. And motorcycles. That's true.

[David Wild]

And by the way, Jeff Beck is, I think, a bigger car freak even than you.

[Adam Carolla]

Like.

[David Wild]

That's why apparently it takes a year between the records because he doesn't want to get out of his garage and playing with cars.

[Adam Carolla]

I think what's his name from AC DC is the biggest vintage car nut.

[Joe Coy]

Brian Johnson, the singer Johnson.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know that he does a ton of vintage racing.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, he does.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Joe Coy]

And Phil Rudd, the.

[Adam Carolla]

The drummer.

[Joe Coy]

Also Big Vin. He's like an Italian car guy. Ferraris and Lambos.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm sure he's doing just fine about now. This sounds great, by the way. Thank you. Are you playing or are you singing?

[Joe Coy]

I'm playing, singing, co writing and co producing with my buddy Oliver Lieber, who's the son.

[David Wild]

One of the most famous songwriters of all time.

[Joe Coy]

That's right. He's the son of Jerry Lieber of Lieber and Stoler, who wrote Jailhouse Rock, under the Boardwalk, Stand By Me. So, yeah, he's got a lot of talent, this Oliver friend of mine. He lives about 10 minutes down the road. And, yeah, we did this stuff on my time off from Paul, and here it is.

[Adam Carolla]

When do you go out next with Paul?

[Joe Coy]

We start in San Diego. Diego is the next date, and that's September 28th coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

And then how many towns? How many?

[Joe Coy]

We got about six shows in October and then about six more in November, and then we're gonna call it a year.

[Adam Carolla]

That has to be great because you got a guy with a ton of money who's been there and done that a million times and has the road dialed in and says we're only doing it right. Right. I mean, from the catering to the travel to the everything.

[Joe Coy]

It is sweet. Yes. It's gotten very good. It's always been good with Paul, actually. But I guess we're kind of spoiled rotten now. It's going to be hard to get in the van and start going down the road with your new indie band.

[David Wild]

Brian started with, I think, 12 years or something with Edit James. That was his first sort of break. And I'm pretty sure that that wasn't the private jet. That was original, you know, Flight.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, that was. Get in the back of the Seville and roll up the highway and put a band together in Santa Barbara and San Francisco. It's just her husband, etta, her kid, 4 years old, and me in the backseat going up the highway.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what that was like.

[Joe Coy]

So, you know, you do appreciate a lot when it's nice like this. And, you know, it's. It's gotten very good with Paul, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you're going. It's nice to go in this direction. It's tough to start out. Out with Paul and then head toward Ed.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to get off that highway to Etta James.

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So that's. That is a sweet deal. And obviously playing the Mega. Mega domes and all that kind of stuff. Does Paul have a limit? I mean, there's no limit on the amount of tickets he could sell. It just becomes a kind of a personal preference. Right. Like, I don't want to play a baseball. Fields, the acoustics suck, the sight lines are bad.

[Joe Coy]

He could play a lot more shows than he ends up playing. His. His schedule is dictated by his lifestyle, having a child that he cares for in London and that he's, you know, got joint custody of, so that our schedule is dependent a lot upon his personal life. And Things like that. So the nice thing is we don't ever play. We play enough night, and then we get a night off. We play two, we get two nights off. It's that kind of a schedule. It's never grueling anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because the guy's 72 and he's richer than shit. And why does he want to make it a chore?

[David Wild]

But weirdly, having been rode with him 20 years ago for like a few weeks at a time, he's better now. Like this run. He is younger. He sounds better. The shows are better now than really. I mean, other than there's a Wings over America record. I think that band in that moment, like after Band on the Run and that sort of Venus and Mars era, that was a pretty great live tour.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[David Wild]

But this is the best he's been maybe ever, which is crazy. The show's at 72. He's amazing.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, it's pretty stunning. He's singing all these great songs like Helter Skelter and the original key.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Joe Coy]

He's not cheating on the high notes. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

And then he plays Yesterday as the next song. So it's kind of a pretty great range.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty impressive. Super clean living and never letting any dust gather because he's constantly in motion.

[Joe Coy]

Well, at night he's actually a jewel thief, so I don't know about total clean living. He's like.

[Adam Carolla]

He's really amazing.

[Joe Coy]

Second life. Yeah, he's at the Pink Panther. You've heard about it.

[Adam Carolla]

The. I should. I should say. Well, you got. So when. When is bayonet or. Or the bayonet. Sorry there. Then will go out after you're done with. With Paul.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, we'll have a window to go and do some shows coming up in the late December, January, February time.

[Adam Carolla]

And so what people can do is they can go to your website, Brian.

[Joe Coy]

Ray, or go to the bayonets.com or.

[Adam Carolla]

Go to bayonets.com but you better spell it because it's.

[David Wild]

Say there's different ways to spell bayonets.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Well, it's the way that you would usually spell bayonets without getting cute. So it's B, A, Y, O, N.

[Adam Carolla]

E, t, s. The bayonets.com thebayonets.com new album available on iTunes and Amazon. And go through AdamCroll.com and bookmark and click through. We love all that stuff. All right. Jim Jeffries is waiting out there, and he's too funny to make wait any longer. We'll take a quick break. Oh, wait a minute. I should. David Wilde. Fashion rocks.

[David Wild]

Because you think when you think fashion, you think David Wilde.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[David Wild]

I'm going with Ryan. In fact, I'm going to try to get Ryan Seacrest to our friend Ryan to call in who's hosting the show is on September, what is it, ninth?

[Adam Carolla]

It's got to be uncomfortable every year, them trying to talk you into getting onto the catwalk, you know what I mean? And you're going, that's, that's a part of my past. And I'm going, but Dave, come on, if somebody drops out, we're gonna need you to get into the form fitting. And you're gonna go, that's a part of my past and I don't shy away from it. But I'm behind the scenes now.

[David Wild]

A lot of people would not be sensitive to know my pain when it comes to that. But no, that's, that's, that's Iman and I, and I put that behind me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[David Wild]

It wouldn't be faster as the first male black supermodel. You know, it's something that I don't want to turn that page back.

[Adam Carolla]

Fashion rocks. That'll be September 9th, 9:00, CBS. And tweet him at Wild about Music.

[David Wild]

You must.

[Adam Carolla]

You must. All right, we'll take a quick break. Jim Jeffries in studio now. And now Alcoa presents Definitely not a Jew on the Adam Carolla show, Dateline, Costa Mesa, California. California. A 28 year old man was arrested on several drug charges after being caught smoking heroin in the bathroom of Chuck E. Cheese. Definitely not a Jew. Everyone's favorite, Jim Jeffries.

[Gary]

Hey, thank you for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Always a pleasure. I feel like other comedians names come up and every once in a while someone goes. And then someone goes, oh, no, I like that guy. And then someone goes, but not with Jim Jeffries. Everyone just loves Jim Jeffries.

[Gary]

Oh, that's unexpected.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I've not heard an ill word spoken about you or your comedy styling.

[Gary]

You should read the reviews of my new special on Netflix from the, from the general public. There's a lot of one stars in there. Oh, really? Well, you know, I'm polarizing.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, it's called Bear and it's available now on Netflix. And here's what I think we're dealing with on both sides of the aisle. They're not judging your product or your comedy. They're judging your politics and whether they agree with your politics or not. And so if they disagree with your politics, then they just give you One stage, but you can throw out all the one stars. To me, the most annoying. If you really want to hurt my feelings, give me two and a half stars.

[Gary]

Two and a half to three is painful.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me two and a half and go. Normally a huge fan, just not his best effort. One star just means you never saw it, you never read it, you're just a hater.

[Gary]

But also when you go, when they start like this, look, I like raunchy comedy. As soon as they say the word raunchy, obviously you don't like Roy. I like Roger. I mean I as much as the next man, right? But it's the same people who go, I'm not racist. And then they go on a tirade.

[Adam Carolla]

But yeah, I call them set in their ways. Yeah, but yeah, when you see that. So when you see the one star, you can almost throw all those.

[Gary]

I take it two star as a victory. And as you write, two and a half and up is painful, but I take it two as a victory because that's someone who wanted to give you a one but they, they had a laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what, you know what drives me nuts? What drives me nuts is if they see your independent film or they read your book and they go, it had quite a few out loud laughs. I give it two stars and you're.

[Jim Jeffries]

Like, what are you looking for in the experience?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not a fucking cancer surgeon. I'm trying to give you a couple of fucking laughs. You saw a 86 minute movie and had a lot of laughs. Why can't I get another star and a half out of you, bitch? Like what? What are we looking to accomplish here?

[Gary]

My son's gotten right into cartoons, Pixar type of things, you know, there's a thousand of them. And now she starts reading the reviews of these things. My son's not even two yet. I'm like, what are you reading the reviews for? She goes, I want to see if this is a good one. I'm like, it's for who? Fucking cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't matter.

[Gary]

It's got meatballs falling out of the sky. He's going to love this.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus, can I tell you, and I don't know what went on in your native Australia, but we had shit. I don't know why this just jumped into my head. We had shit like Kuklafran and Ollie and yes, we'll find you a picture of Kuklafran and Ollie. We had things like Cecil and Beanie. We had things like Wonderama.

[Allison Rosen]

What the Fuck is all this?

[Adam Carolla]

I was saying that when I was five, I was saying, what the fuck is all this? I wanted to shoot. Elvis would have shot the TV when he was.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe that's why he did.

[Adam Carolla]

And these shows are. It's like what's her name? And Pork Chop, you know, Sharon, Bram and Lois. Yes.

[Jim Jeffries]

What was it like the elephant show.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, is an elderly woman with a sock puppet, you know. Oh, Kukla. Oh, Fran, I disagree. And that's what we sat and watched like some guy. It was a big deal. Just to see a guy in a sheriff's outfit.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

Just to see someone moving on. The little box in your room, I think was the big deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Sheriff Bob and Hobo Ken, we had.

[Gary]

One called Mr. Squiggle. And Mr. Squiggle was a puppet that had a pencil as a nose. And then people would send in Squiggles and he'd make them into pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, good show, Hobo. Hobo Kelly's big thing was she had huge, oversized, Swifty Lazar sized sunglasses. And at the end she would look into the camera, thus breaking down the fourth wall and say, oh, there's Mr. Squiggles.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then like I go, and who do I see out there? Oh, looks like Timmy and Bobby and Susie and Ann and all. You know, if she named your name, it was Crazy Alchemy.

[Gary]

So they did that as well, right? Romper Room.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gary]

They named your name Magic Mirror. And then you thought, ah, it's good, right? I'm not like a Muslim.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gary]

She never said Akmel.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Hobo Kelly never said it. But.

[Allison Rosen]

Run.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what about, what about Davey and Goliath? Davey and Goliath was not only Claymation, Right. But it was claim like Claymated porn is bad. This was Claymated with a religious theme. Now if you want to talk about.

[Gary]

The Niles would have gone in very easily.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I watched that as an atheist 7 year old.

[Jim Jeffries]

Yeah, it was just on. It was regular programming, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it'd just be like, you know, it'd be like. He'd go like, I bet we get to the library faster if we drove Dad's car. I don't know Davey. And it'd be like, what would God want you to do? And there's like a.

[Gary]

And God wouldn't want him to drive the car.

[Adam Carolla]

There was an episode where like a woman was walking out in the street and he was yelling at her, don't walk, a car's coming. A car, a car's coming. She wouldn't listen and he was mad at her. Turned out she was deaf and had to play.

[Gary]

That's what God wanted from her.

[Adam Carolla]

Religious plays out of shit. That's made out of play. D'oh. And that's all we fucking had.

[Gary]

I don't like that. Since moving here, I found out that you've renamed Thomas the Tank Engine.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we have.

[Gary]

You call him Thomas the Train or something. Or Thomas the Something. And you don't call it. You don't call it. We call it the Fat Controller. You call him Mr. Toppen Hat because you don't want to be mean to fat people. The guy who runs the station is called the Fat Controller.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right.

[Gary]

And you guys are giving him another.

[Jim Jeffries]

Name because, you know, we're sensitive.

[Gary]

Sensitive. You don't want the fat kids going. Maybe that could be an inspiration to fat kids. I can have a job. I can run. I can run the station. I don't have to diet.

[Jim Jeffries]

Right, what's going on with Gumby and Poke?

[Adam Carolla]

And what are we calling Lazy Beaner? I think we got a new name for him, too. I may have made that up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. Yeah. We can't call anyone fat anymore. What? Sorry. Yeah. Davey and Goliath. Some of the worst stuff ever.

[Gary]

Puffing stuff was good. That was from America.

[Adam Carolla]

That was good if you were high. It's not good now. Well, if you're high now.

[Gary]

It stood for happy, relaxing, puffing stuff.

[Jim Jeffries]

I didn't know that. Yeah, but I just said what was going on with Gumby and Pokey because I don't remember any plot.

[Adam Carolla]

Gumby and Pokey would run out of books. They were being chased by guys called the Blockheads. Are you sitting down? They had square heads. And that was about it. And they must have sold millions of T shirts and millions of figurines of Gumby and Pokey. Like you could stand them up. They had the wire in them. Did you?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, of course.

[Gary]

Probably worth it.

[Allison Rosen]

Every little kid.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't know what was going on with that either.

[Gary]

All right, so this is a good one for you.

[Adam Carolla]

There's the block.

[Gary]

Pluto and Goofy live in the same world, but one's a talking dog and one's another dog. Is one retarded or is one magical?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I like to think one's retarded, but it's probably one that's magical, since the lion's share of dogs don't really talk.

[Gary]

But then you've got Goofy, who's very uncoordinated but can talk like a human. And then you got Pluto, who's a regular dog and can fetch balls and doesn't fall over anything. But slightly mentally not conversational.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like a slave owner situation.

[Gary]

All the other ducks and the mice, all the. I don't know. But Pluto's a regular dog amongst other animals. Like they're people animals and he's an animal animal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It never captured. I'm trying to think of who the most famous dog is, and it's gotta be Lassie. Oh, Lassie. Yeah. But not today. Yeah, there's. There's Clifford.

[Gary]

No, Clifford doesn't get close to Lassie.

[Adam Carolla]

The amazingly named Big Red Dog.

[Allison Rosen]

I think. I don't think Lassie is as famous as you think, because that was a very.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Jims. Since 1950s.

[Gary]

Historically. Lashy, if you're saying right now, like on TV right now, it's. It's probably like a dog from Fraser or something. Actually, that's not right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Grandpa, so far you got Lassie and the dog from Frasier. All right, I. We've seen it before. Snoopy. I think we've seen it before.

[Allison Rosen]

Good call.

[Adam Carolla]

But I need the opening to Run Joe Rogan Run. Because there should be a lawsuit against Stephen J. Canal, who created, I think, the A Team, because Run Joe Run is a military. The A Team was a military group that was accused of a crime they didn't commit, and now they have.

[Gary]

They escaped from a maximum security prison and then they went into hiding with vehicles with red stripes down the side.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder. Oh, yeah.

[Gary]

And they wore gold jewelry and Mohawks just so they could stay in hiding.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. I laugh about that every time this comes up. Because all you'd have, all the MP would have to do is go down the street and go, hey, I'm looking for the seven dudes that are living together in their mid-40s. One of them's a black guy who's wearing a chandelier around his neck. The other is a van with an orange stripe going down it. And then there's another guy that drives a canary yellow Corvette. Have you seen them? Like, yeah, everyone knows what.

[Gary]

They had a white Corvette with the red stripe as well. They went to the same detailing place. You just got to go to all the body shops.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gary]

And just go. Who's got this very distinctive. Oh, it's B.A. barakis.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's always funny because they troll the LA underground and you don't find them, they find you. Although I don't feel like anyone's ever found me in my life, you know, like, I've never had a problem and someone found me.

[Gary]

But I love how the problems sometimes can be really big. But sometimes they can be. I drive a taxi and this other taxi firm has come in and they're really fucking my business.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, there's a lot of that.

[Gary]

Well, we'll fix that up for you. Or I've got a restaurant that's going out of business. Good thing you got us hot.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what was a big theme in the 70s? Hot chick, brother scientist abducted. So you got a lot of face time with the hot, younger sis. And don't worry. And then some sparks flying. Here is, now we'll play the beginning of this, and then we'll play the beginning of the A team. And I think I see a lot of similarities. This is a military dog, but here we go. He's going through his military training. 200 reward. Male German shepherd, black and tat.

[Gary]

What is he going.

[Adam Carolla]

Accused of? Attacking his trainer, Sergeant Will Cory. He's accused of crime he didn't commit. Crime he did not commit. Oh, they framed the dog. But he must find Joe before his pursuers track him down. Don't you feel like his. His pursuers could track him down and then just bring him to the guy and the guy could clear him to have to put a bullet in him. So this is basically $200.

[Gary]

That's one of those great pictures of the network where you just go in and go, it's a dog. And he kills someone and now there's a manhunt on a dog.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's accused of a crime he did not commit. Of attacking his trainer. But he didn't really do it. But he just roams around like David Banner from Incredible Hulk. Yeah. And he helps kids and stuff. List. There's a whole thing. Kung Fu did it. The Incredible Hulk did it. They go from town to town, they help people, but they're one step ahead of the line.

[Gary]

The Incredible Hulk guy could only exist in the 80s. If he existed now, he'd be on the Internet. If this guy shows up at your town, don't get him angry because this is where you. Downtown. Like, there was no photo sharing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gary]

Like, if you had a camera phone, you'd be like, this guy just got fucking mental in a.

[Adam Carolla]

In a weird way. Came from Kung Fu. Was the Hulk before the Hulk? Because he would travel solo. He'd come to the town. It was an old west town. He'd walk in to the local tavern and he'd say, may I have a Glass of water. And then you'd hear some guy at the end of the bar go, hey, Chinaman, we don't like your kind here. And then he'd end up kicking the shit out of everyone in the tavern. But he turned into the Incredible Hulk. Even though. Though it was martial arts that he was using.

[Gary]

He was never green or anything.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but he kicked.

[Gary]

He hung himself in a wardrobe. Yeah, that was the end game.

[Adam Carolla]

I've always said this. Jim Jeffries, please, please tell me what you think of this. Whoever found. Who am we thinking of now? Yeah, Kung Fu, Carradine. Whoever found David Carradine hanging in the closet in Manila with his dork out or whatever was going on on. Should have put him in a red, white and blue ghee, laid him out on the bed and put the nunchucks over his chest and just let the guy go with some dignity.

[Gary]

Yeah, but they would have checked his neck and gone, oh, there's something wrong here. He's. Abrasions and then there's a whole case. You can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I think.

[Gary]

I always think with his cane, with suicides and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Jim Jeffries]

Why does he have an erection? They might have wondered that.

[Gary]

My brother.

[Adam Carolla]

They would die off.

[Gary]

I have a brother who's a cop. And he told me a story about, like, there was a missing kid from a family. I don't know how true. But he goes, it was a missing kid from a family. And they said, we've lost our son. And they went and searched and searched for a few days. And then there was a smell in the bar that they had in the house. And they had like, a barrel. There's big barrels you get peanuts in. In some restaurants. And the kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Good restaurant.

[Gary]

Yeah, the kid. The kid had packed himself in with pillows, and his big thing was being confined, and he had a little tiny wank inside the bag barrel. And then he suffocated and died. And that's always. I always think about that because I go, that's one of those embarrassing. Like, even at the funeral, someone has to make some joke to somebody. You can't find. Am I only.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's also one of those arguments, you know, the wife and the husband are having, where the husband's going, don't throw away the barrel. Why do we have to throw away the barrel? That's. I hosed the barrel out. We can keep the barrel. That's a good oak barrel. Why do we.

[Gary]

I studied musical theater.

[Adam Carolla]

So this was like a teenager.

[Gary]

A teenager, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I went to a funeral of a guy who had this happen?

[Gary]

What, he suffocated in a barrel or exact story?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Auto erotic.

[Gary]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, like 25, you know, loving parents. Supposed to pick him up at the airport, never showed up.

[Gary]

Found him in a hotel room.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a weird funeral to go to.

[Gary]

Well, I studied musical theater at university and I. There was certain things you had to do in this course, right? It was the same course that Hugh Jackman did. And I had the semester of tap. I didn't want to be a tap dancer, but all I had to do was get good enough at tap to pass. There was no grade, there was just pass or fail, right? So I had this apart. I had this little house that had, like marble floors and they weren't good to tap on because you slipped on it. So I bought myself a bit of wood and it was a hot summer day in. Perfect. And I mean, just tap shoes and underwear. But I'm home alone.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, right?

[Gary]

I'm home alone. I'm on this bit of wood at the top of the stairs because that's the biggest bit of landing I could get, the biggest space. And I'm trying on my time steps because I got these. I slip, I smash my head, I pass out for a little while and then come to. Right. And I always think, if that's the way I died, they'd wonder what you were doing. They would wonder what I'm doing. And it just. The tap shoe, Underwick, like. Like that by itself. That's a weird outfit, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And especially knowing you. Yeah, there was something. There'd be something going on.

[Gary]

There was white socks as well. Just wear the shoes without socks.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're blister. Yeah. So you did. You did the same musical. Did you aspire to be in musical theater?

[Gary]

I never finished because I became a comedian before that. But there was a scholarship course, they call it wapa, the West Australian Academy Performing Arts. And you just audition. You didn't have to get good marks at school, and I didn't get good marks at school and I wanted to go to university. So you have to sing a song, you have to dance a little bit and do an acting monologue. And they put in 20 students, and it's ace because it's like 10 girls and 10 guys from all over the country. You're all like in your late teens. All the girls have been dancing since they were kids. They have amazing bodies and they're super hot. And eight of the 10 guys are as gay as fuck, right? So it's just two guys and 10 hot girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gary]

And it's the best thing you can ever do with your teens.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm gonna have this conversation with my son, which is do not be the captain of the football team. That's you and 50 dudes. Study two days all day.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I don't think you have to worry about that with Sonny.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, tell him anyway. But he doesn't. He does not like home signs.

[Gary]

But I went and did home science with the idea that lots of girls would be called. What do you call it here? Domestic Homac. Yes, they call it home science. So I went and did it with the thought that that's where all the will be. And There was just 20 guys with the same idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Best blowjob ever got.

[Jim Jeffries]

What song did you sing for your audition? Sorry.

[Gary]

I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me. Kangaroo.

[Gary]

Down a Sunday. Steven son home.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did we hear a little stupider then?

[Gary]

No, no, that's not going to happen.

[Allison Rosen]

What song?

[Gary]

Tell me on a Sunday from the musical Tell me on a Sunday.

[Adam Carolla]

Look for that, Brian. I'll tell you about stamps.com any day of the week. I don't just wait for Sundays. No, that's right. Computers designed to make running your business easier and include mailing and shipping. You need stamps.com. you can use it 24 7. It's like having a post office. 24 7. No lines, no hassles. You can get official U.S. postage. And you put on any letter, any parcel, print it out from your own computer and it goes right on the envelope. And you hand it to your mail carrier. Couldn't be easier. Special offer. Use my promo code, Adam. For a no risk trial. $110 bonus offer includes a digital scale. Plug that right in your computer, put your little parcel or whatever you're putting on there and. And it comes right out of the computer. The exact amount of postage you need +55 bucks free postage. Go to stamps.com. before you do anything else. Click the microphone, top of the home page. Type in Adam that is stamps dot com. Enter Adam. Brian, did you find anything? Now, only if the mood strikes you. Jim.

[Gary]

I can't sing anymore. I've had. I've had nodules. So those days.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, just listen. You're only.

[Gary]

This is the music. Don't write a letter when you want to leave.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Gary]

I know this song. I'm not going to sing.

[Adam Carolla]

We're playing it.

[Gary]

This is just the musical accompaniment. I got someone singing. I'm not going to do it. So we might as well move on with the Show.

[Adam Carolla]

How about you sing about your nodules?

[Gary]

Ah, that's, that's. I, I have it. I have a voice Doctor who. You go in. I haven't checked every now and again. And it's like in his. In. He's. He's an in earth throat guy and he really specializes in scraping nodules off vocal cords. And he's got like a gold album of Mariah Carey and a gold album from, from Coldplay with Chris Martin and a few other people. And you're in there and he goes, it's all behind his desk. And he's like this. Yeah, I do a lot of celebrities here. Do a lot of celebrities. I can't. Can't say who.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gary]

It's like you advertised.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The big garish gold flat cylinders or flat trash can lids that are behind you with the name of the artist.

[Gary]

Do you reckon those Jennifer Lawrence pictures were sent to Chris Martin? Do you reckon they're Chris Martin picks?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that was going on.

[Gary]

Well, he started dating her.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Allison Rosen]

Music's still going.

[Gary]

I know. And I don't know what verse I'm not gonna sing on this thing. Just forget about.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Why don't. I'll tell you what. Speaking of that devastating.

[Gary]

Next time we're gonna hear Jim Jeffries came down here to sing and then he refused.

[Adam Carolla]

I never offered to begin with.

[Jim Jeffries]

We were promised singing.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, I think we should get into some news. Shall we do that? Allison Rose Rosen. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Gary]

It's Allison Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip. It's Allison Allison, I should say Us coming up in Ventura at the Crowne Plaza doing a little live podcast on the 24th. And then us in San Antonio coming up at the Empire Theatre. That's October 10th. There'll be some Mangria signings scattered about as well. Mangria available in Florida now at all the Total Wine locations. So go out and get yourself some of that. And Jim Jeffries not only bear the stand up special available on Netflix, but a bunch of live dates too, coming up. And what you should do is go to Jim jefferies.com and then it's ning.com.

[Gary]

Just.Com is fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. They're both direct to the same jimjefferies.com and find out where he's playing near you because he is playing near you.

[Allison Rosen]

Is this stand up comedy or is.

[Gary]

This singing Bit of singing, bit of singing, a little bit of tap. I'm doing a big Canada. A lot of Canada shows if you're in Canada.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Allison Rosen.

[Jim Jeffries]

A second beheading video was released by isis, this time showing the beheading of American journalists Steven Sotloff. And apparently the guy doing the beheading is the same guy that was in the video that was released a couple weeks ago where Jim Foley was beheaded.

[Gary]

Well, at the very least they have the same outfit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yes, they're some of the least scary looking guys in their underpants. But when they get in the full black cloak and they get the Uzi hanging off their shoulder, they get scary looking. But they're all, they're all sort of about a buck 37 and slightly emaciated. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, the knife doesn't care.

[Gary]

Right, so what happens with this? Is this still on the Internet or is it illegal to show it? Or what is it like, what happens? They post it on and then the Americans take it down.

[Jim Jeffries]

I don't know where they put it. It goes viral. That's what you hear. It goes viral. And I think that people who. I have a feeling everyone could find it if they wanted to. No, I can't either.

[Adam Carolla]

I've often one thought I would like a glimpse into the psyche of the people that enjoy watching the secretary getting eviscerated by the commuter train. Or, you know, there's whole videos. There's a whole, as a matter of fact, Joe Francis, many years ago, before he started the Girls Gone Wild thing, if you recall, bald Bryan, and maybe you don't. This was a million years ago. He was a student at USC and I was doing the 20 minutes on what fucking colossal bottom feeder pricks these guys were who would release these videos late night. So I'd come home from Loveline in the middle of the night. I'd be watching TV at 1:30 in the morning and on the television would come these commercials guys eaten by alligators. There's one in particular where there's a guy that's running to. Looks like he's running to cross the railroad tracks at a commuter train and he stops short. It's sort of that move. Like you ever have this move where you're sitting behind a car to signal and you're not looking at the signal, but the car in front of you just starts going. And you go, oh, it's go time. And then they stop. They can fuck your shit up. He's running to make it. He stops the chick who's on his right can't really see what's going on and just runs through and. And is just vaporized by this commuter train. But the thing I was screaming about is these people have husbands and families and parents and they turn on the TV in the middle of the night and there's no big lead up into it. You're just channel surfing. Oh, there's Nana, oh, there's mom. Just being a visitor. Oh, I can relive this horror over and over again. And I said, what fucking kind of animal create this, compile this stuff and then sell it and make money off of this and it cannot again. I couldn't think of a worse sentence than to be the devastated husband of that person. Scared every time they flipped the channel after midnight that it was going to be, oh, there's my wife being eviscerated.

[Gary]

Yeah, probably up. He's probably having problems sleeping.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe Francis. That's right, Joe Francis. Francis called in, said he was a student at usc and that was before he was famous. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And said it was part of my.

[Adam Carolla]

Time I put these things together. And then he later on turned out he turned to be a hell of a guy.

[Gary]

But the point is the girl's gone wild. Stuff's pretty bad though. Yeah, if you watch it, it's creepy porn.

[Allison Rosen]

No, he's a bad dude. Beginning, end.

[Adam Carolla]

But this is where he got his start.

[Gary]

Now, did he do Bum wars as well? No, bum was mean spirited fucking things.

[Allison Rosen]

It was bum fights.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think it was bum fights. That was Ken Burns idea. That was his thing. He does more than documentary. Well, this is a documentary of sorts.

[Gary]

He did that thing where it's a still picture of a bum and then move the camera around and you heard.

[Adam Carolla]

The old flute from Turn of the century.

[Jim Jeffries]

See, I think Tosh has an element of this. Not the guy, but the show.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't watch any of that shit because I don't want to feed on other people's misery. And that's just one more negative piece of imagery that's floating around in my dome.

[Gary]

And you like to think that if it happened to you, you could have some dignity or something.

[Adam Carolla]

But who enjoys this? I mean, obviously I think it's millions and millions and millions of people want to see it.

[Gary]

Well, but then there's the next thing. I don't enjoy watching someone get injured in a bus or accident or a girl being taken advantage of anything, but I did enjoy the Kate Upton Jennifer Lawrence pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Gary]

So there's like little where's, where's your border? And where's your. Like, I still. I wasn't adult enough not to look those up.

[Jim Jeffries]

I know there's a lot of women who would say, oh, those are the same. But I feel like that is not at all the same, like, to want to. Yes, I understand. There's something violating. There's definitely something violating about looking at the picture. A picture of someone naked who didn't want that released. Yeah, but that's not literal violence or destruction of life in the same way.

[Gary]

No, look, that's why the difference. I see. But I've heard arguments that if you look at anything.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think we blur a lot of lines, and I say it all the time. Where's the body count? Like, you show me someone who's dead. I have a totally different approach to it than something like this. I don't agree with any of this prying privacy business, but when you have somebody's child is dead or somebody's mom is dead, once you're dead, that's. That's a completely different thing to me. And I'm not into the, you know. Oh, well, slippery slope. Maybe for you. No.

[Jim Jeffries]

So do we think people who want to see this are sociopaths, or is it that. I feel like Kevin Perera on my show a long time ago, who's a tech guy, was talking about going through a phase of wanting to see if he could desensitize himself.

[Gary]

I think also this generation. This generation has had so much stuff flood into them that they have this whole, we can watch whatever we want in Ford. It's that mentality.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we're now in the. We're sort of. We're in the restrictor plate part of life. Let me explain that to a guy who does not know NASCAR, but he knows the Australian V8 series very well. At the beginning parts of NASCAR, the beginning parts of stock car, it was all about, how do we make these cars faster? How do we make them lighter? How do we make them more powerful? How do we. How do we. How out of me and they just. From the 40s and 50s, it just kept getting faster and faster and faster. Now we're sort of at the restrictor plate era, which is we're going too fast. People are getting hurt. We need to slow it down. And I'm in the restrictor plate part of life. I started off with, what do you got any porn? Anything? Anything I can look at. Anything that'll fucking make just. That'll make some endorphin thing go off in me. Just anything that all and Now I'm like, listen, two girls in a cup, whatever you got, I don't want to see it.

[Gary]

Well, do you think if they wrote the Constitution today that they would give freedom of speech with. No. Like, as it stands now? Because I always think with freedom of speech, I think, okay, of course, I'm all for that. They'll make my living off basically doing that. But then I think, like, what are these cunts that just put up a page and bully some kid until they commit suicide?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Gary]

Like, shouldn't they have to. You have to put your name on it or something. You have to stand behind what you say or something. But you, you can't, you know, because then the argument is right.

[Jim Jeffries]

Like with knowledge of the Internet, would it be different?

[Gary]

Yeah, with knowledge of the Internet, would have we put some level of restrictions on it?

[Adam Carolla]

So what have we. What did we figure out that the cloud was hacked into?

[Jim Jeffries]

Okay, so let's move on to that story then. Huge leak of celebrity photos. Jennifer Lawrence was one of the women whose photos were out there, but a lot of other celebrities as well. And the initial replacement reports said that the FBI was looking into how these things were leaked and it maybe had something to do with people backing up their stuff to the cloud. However, Gary, who's on top of all things tech, said that Apple said that that's not what happened. It's because these celebrities passwords were too easy to crack.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it is funny though, Jim, I think you'll agree with me, you get really righteous when you're not interested. Like, I don't like Jennifer Lawrence. So. So Brian's in love with her. But I've never been physically into her.

[Gary]

I'm more into her now after the photo. She's just earned a fan. Well, I wasn't a fan before.

[Adam Carolla]

I did this thing where I was like Jennifer Lawrence. I'm sorry. First off, I have a little something called dignity. I have a daughter. What? Kate Upton. I want to see them titties. Like, as soon as I heard Kate Upton, I was like, okay, now Justin.

[Gary]

Vernon looks like a right idiot in.

[Adam Carolla]

The picture, but I still haven't seen any of them.

[Jim Jeffries]

So Jim Jeffries, are they good? But Jim Jeffries uploaded some. Celebrated them.

[Gary]

Yeah, I recreated three of them today.

[Adam Carolla]

And put them on the Internet. That's you. She covered it up. Your areolas?

[Gary]

No, but that's the exact same photos that she did back over.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Jim Jeffries]

Is that your normal underwear?

[Gary]

No, it's my girlfriend's underwear. Okay, anything? I'm a whore. For attention. But I just did them. I just said that they were leaked from my phone, but no one seems to be interested in these photos.

[Adam Carolla]

That is shocking with all the gay men out there. So sad. So who all was? It was Jennifer Lawrence.

[Jim Jeffries]

Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton. I don't know who else it was.

[Gary]

There was that bird off the bee in apartment 30. Whatever. The girl who played Jesse Pinkman's girlfriend.

[Jim Jeffries]

Oh, yes.

[Gary]

There was the pipe solo. There was a picture of her in the mirror with her ass hanging out. That was. But that one was very tasteful. But the Jennifer Lawrence one, she looks fucking smashing in him. I don't think it's gonna hurt her career none. Like, I don't think anyone's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's just gonna have to cut down to nine movies a year.

[Gary]

What I think is the best thing for the tour, what I would do personally, just fucking let it blow over. And it will blow over if they cause too much. I want to take people to court. I want to da, da, da, da. And then it's like, people will. There'll be a backlash. People will say, ah, fucking get over it.

[Adam Carolla]

So you think they just got hacked?

[Jim Jeffries]

That's what Apple thinks.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the most reasonable explanation.

[Gary]

Yeah. If your password's Oscar winner.

[Jim Jeffries]

Hunger Games.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but we were. I think we were talking about this on the show. That a lot of celebrities, I know their email is just their name basically. And it's not nude photos, but it's like some of them, like I said, Howard Stern has his own twist on his thing that's different. But everyone else, or most everyone else, eight out of 10 celebrities. I know, it just says their name.

[Gary]

Yeah, yeah. My one just says.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And on top of that, I would say most celebrities, the Kevin Pereira's notwithstanding, are not super tech savvy. They're not doing, like backup, you know, encryption passwords and stuff. They just have a password.

[Gary]

I'll tell you something about me that.

[Allison Rosen]

I.1 password probably is the same for all things. So if they crack the password, for one thing, they got it for a few things.

[Gary]

Back in the day, when I first got my first video camera, I must have made sex tapes with. This is before the Internet, Right. So no one was uploading them. If you found there was a couple of stolen sex t, like El McPherson's sister had one in Australia, and you had to get the video off another guy, and then it was made so many copies that it was really blurry. Right. So I've got about, I reckon, three sex. Three or four sex Tapes out there that ex girlfriend still have. And I think I lost one in storage somewhere in London.

[Adam Carolla]

Well it's weird with sex tapes because you can't mark them. Yeah, you can't go me boning the hostess of Chili's 1989. Like you can't write what it is on the sex tape so you don't write anything on it. But you go, I'll remember this one. And then four years later in storage, you have no fucking idea what it is.

[Gary]

I'm not famous enough that anyone gives a shit as the photos I released today proves. Right. But I wonder if I ever get famous enough, would those girls. I think one of them would do it. She'd send it in, try to get some money.

[Jim Jeffries]

And how do you feel about that?

[Gary]

I feel like. Look, that's lost. At least.

[Jim Jeffries]

How do you feel about how you looked in those?

[Gary]

It was, it was 15, 20 years ago. I looked awesome. It's the, it's the best I've looked.

[Adam Carolla]

In here and about now. Big cock. Cause hey, que sera sera. Every syrah you add I had an inch to your cock. I also look at like guys for small dicks have definite feelings about themselves.

[Jim Jeffries]

Wouldn't even be telling us these exist.

[Gary]

They exist.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't have them.

[Gary]

There's a girl called Terry Farrell in London that has a couple of them. There you go. I'm sitting in the gauntlet. But I don't know if the world.

[Adam Carolla]

I love porno for pyro, so maybe he'll go ahead.

[Jim Jeffries]

Are you speaking for Jim or yourself?

[Gary]

Whatever will be will be.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying it is a self selecting group of guys who think it's a good idea to film themselves fucking. It's about the same guys who decide to take their shirt off at the ball game backwards where they reach where they do the. I'm just saying it's all the guys who look fantastic with their shirt off who not only take their shirt off at the ball game, but have to take it from behind and rip it off over the top of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For that split second. By the way, if there's ever. Here's be my new policy. If there's that asshole at the ball game with the six pack ABs who shaves his chest and just got the spray on tail. If he does that one move where he reaches all the way the back and he pulls the shirt off sort of back to front for that one split second it's pulled over his head, everyone punch him. Everyone within four seats has to just Give him a prison style just fucking beating just to send a little message from society.

[Gary]

I have a theory that Gordon Ramsay really likes his body at the moment. Because I mean watching Hotel Hell and the other, the cooking one. And somehow in every episode of the show that he does, he gets topless. And it's only in the last sort of two set, two years at the moment he thinks he's looking boss. And it's always like he's in like a kitchen. He's like, I'll teach you how to cook. And he takes his shirt off. Takes the shirt off and then puts on the chef jacket like a fucking superhero. Starts shaving. And now in The Hotel Hell 1, he's always like, I gotta test the shower. And like sometimes there's nothing fucking wrong with the shower. But he's like, I bet it. I bet test it. He goes in.

[Adam Carolla]

It is amazing. It's that sort of Bruce Springsteen thing, which is somewhere in the mid-80s when he got a personal trainer and started hitting the creatine. All the sleeves fell off of everything that he owned. Before that they possessed sleeves. And then after that the sleeves fell off.

[Allison Rosen]

Mysteriously disappeared.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, speaking of Springsteen, did you catch Jim's sweet use of the word box Boss?

[Gary]

Yeah, I didn't. That was good.

[Allison Rosen]

Bring back boss.

[Adam Carolla]

I love boss.

[Gary]

They use the term boss a lot in in Liverpool.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, do they?

[Gary]

Yeah, yeah, it's an old fucking boss that man.

[Adam Carolla]

Boss just meant boss was like something you'd use toward a car. Like in the 70s, that thing is boss. And even had a car called the Boss Mustang. Speaking of Boss. DraftKings, baby. Fantasy football. It's back. DraftKings.com oh, it's coming. It's on Thursday, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Thursday is game one. Steelers. Shut your mouth.

[Jim Jeffries]

Shame.

[Gary]

I like baseball.

[Adam Carolla]

Stick to singing and tap dancing in your underpants, pretty boy. We ain't perth anymore. That's right. And doing selfies now you gotta play. DraftKings, man. They're giving away buku bucks. Someone's gonna get a piece of 5 million million bucks. They're awarding this week. This week. Last year guy won four grand. He just put in 11 bucks. And someone walked away with a million bucks in one day. DraftKings Dawson DraftKings.com Bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Use promo code Adam and you'll get free entry into the week1.5 million dollar kickoff bash. Enter Adam now for free [e-mail] DraftKings.com he's new. Yeah, what else?

[Jim Jeffries]

I was invited to a Girls only football draft, draft fantasy thing.

[Allison Rosen]

You should have done it.

[Jim Jeffries]

I still can. I just don't know how much work I want to put into this.

[Gary]

What is the fantasy?

[Adam Carolla]

Lot of Subarus in that parking lot. Forester or the outback? What do we got?

[Allison Rosen]

Ugly stairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, someone brought a brat in. That's cool.

[Allison Rosen]

Ugly stairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Throwback.

[Jim Jeffries]

Because my friend, who's the one who invited me, who actually doesn't drive a Subaru and is very attractive and dates men. Anyway, another friend of mine told me that when she got into it, she, like, really got into it and was researching everyone and because she. When she. She gets into something, she gets really into it, and I just don't think I have that time.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? This. This ruse of, oh, one more thing for you and your hubby to do together. It's one more thing to argue about.

[Gary]

Oh, yeah. No, I don't like things in. Com. I always think that about, like. Like match.com and stuff like that. Where they go, we're gonna ask you 200 questions. We're gonna pair you up with someone who's perfect for. I'm like, no, you're gonna pair me up with someone who's the same as me. I don't want another fucking fat slob who doesn't wanna get off the couch. I want someone who's motivated and interest to getting.

[Adam Carolla]

These are. I agree. These are like the guys that are trying to get their wives into golf. And it's like, golf is so you can get away from your wife with your other friends who want to be away from their wives and get drunk and have hot chicks drive around on golf carts that have Miller Lights on them and hand them to you. And you smoke cigars. You talk shit about your wives and you're gone for. Getting them into it completely nullifies the whole act. You're not. Golf isn't fun. It's not exciting. Nobody I know is really any good at it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's four hours away.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just four hours of you and your buddies.

[Gary]

Am I too old?

[Adam Carolla]

Talking shit? No.

[Gary]

I want to stop. I feel like I'm too old. Like I'm gonna go out there and look like an idiot.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but everyone sucks at golf, all right? So you'll be fine.

[Gary]

As long as everyone sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll fit right in. Yeah. All right.

[Jim Jeffries]

Here's the email. You are invited to join the girls only football pool. And then it says, plain is simple. Every week before the games start, you simply pick which teams you think are going.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's A pool?

[Jim Jeffries]

Yeah. This is different. That's what I realized. Does that make it easier?

[Gary]

That makes it a lot easier.

[Jim Jeffries]

Maybe I should join. There's money at stake.

[Gary]

What do you win? A Subaru. Is that a big thing at the moment for girls? Subarus and foreigners.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the lesbians.

[Gary]

Because my girlfriend. Every girl I've dated, my girlfriend draws an X5. Right. What is it with BMW that they wanna. They wanna sit high? They always want to sit high. I want to sit low to the ground and fast. And women, I want to see everything. They always want to sit high. Is that a trait? Do you find that you want to sit high?

[Jim Jeffries]

You want to sit high. I know a lot of women who do like to be in an SUV so they can see everything. I'm fine just being at regular car height.

[Gary]

What do they think they're seeing? What is the extra thing? They're seeing up another half meter. What is the.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it has something to do with the high heel shoes. Like the notion of they spend their adult life walking around on their tiptoes and then they get in the car and they buy. Soon as they have any success, they do what the Kardashians do. They drive that Mercedes Kugeldorfin wagon. That thing is a stupid hundred. Oh, Joe Coy drives one. But either than that, the one that.

[Gary]

Looks like the boxy one. That looks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, super boxy.

[Jim Jeffries]

They get into that center of gravity.

[Adam Carolla]

And they like sitting up. Two things. A, they're used to sitting up on. They're used to being on their tiptoes because of heels and then B, hot chicks. And when a hot chick climbs out of a Corvette, it is a pussy show that can be seen from outer space when they get out of the cuckoo nothing.

[Jim Jeffries]

You're right.

[Gary]

Because in Britain a lot of upskirt pitches.

[Jim Jeffries]

The snatch always stays parallel to the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. When Paris Hilton pivots around in the Corvette, everyone who's standing on the sidewalk just gets a front row to the Beeb show.

[Gary]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's front and center of the beef show. But when you're driving the Kugeldorfen wagon, you don't get that.

[Gary]

Yeah. They don't want to sit up high. They don't want anyone to see anything down low.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jim Jeffries]

So small.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

You heard that Jennifer Lawrence?

[Adam Carolla]

I just formulated that.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gary]

I think that's actually a plausible argument. In Britain, for a long time, the paparazzi were doing the whole camera down low snap. And that was a sellable shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Women don't want. See, here's what they're not looking for. They're not really looking for handling. Like, they don't want to carve up the road. The higher a car is, the higher the center of gravity, the worse it handles. That's why, of course, every race cars down on the ground, because the closer you are to the ground, the better handling. So they're not into the handling. They're also into the part where they can fill up a bunch of shit in their car. That can gross. Women, I think, per capita, have 72 extra items in their car. My car has a cell phone charger and a granola bar and I don't know, thing of napkins or something. My wife's car is filled. Bottle opener, extra. Yeah, bottle opener, funnel, things like that. But my wife's car is filled with extra shit. I think women have a lot of extra shit in their car too.

[Gary]

Oh, my son has toys in there that are always in there.

[Jim Jeffries]

Car toys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. In. In your girlfriend's car.

[Gary]

My girlfriend's car. He's not allowed in my car.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, There you go. That's my point. So I think it holds a ton of extra shit versus don't care about handling. Meats up on my heels. Meats. I don't want any beef shots.

[Gary]

But the lie they give is I like to sit up high and see everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right.

[Jim Jeffries]

I figured it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then when you get behind them, you can't see shit because the window smoked and you're sitting down low.

[Jim Jeffries]

That drives me nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Ah. Dollar shave club. These guys. Guys love these guys. Anything worse than buying razors, going to the store, fighting the one guy with the keys. The plastic fortress over there. Such a sad thing. I bet they don't have that in Australia. You do that out here. They're locked up in a shark cage. It's a sad testimonial.

[Gary]

They have those senses on them that you can't take them out like it's a shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

And it starts making noise if you hold the lid open for too long and you're paying twice. 25 bucks. And then nothing matches up. Go to dollarshaveclub.com, get the razor, get the cartridges. Never do it again. Are you guys with me? And that you go, fuck it. I'm old enough. Everything. It's not about money anymore. It's about time. Just a few bucks a month. Check. Razors, off your list. Check. Cartridges, off your list. Never deal with it again. They got plans that start at three bucks a month. Three bucks A month.

[Allison Rosen]

It's about time and money with Dollar Shave Club, because you're gonna save time and money.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. And you can join dollarshaveclub.com Adam. And that'[e-mail] Adam. All right, one more, baby girl.

[Jim Jeffries]

Well, this one is sad. Joan Rivers is on life support.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm gonna miss her getting better.

[Gary]

What does that mean? It's almost over, Or.

[Jim Jeffries]

I think so. They haven't said that, but I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

First it was serious, and then it's like, oh, no, she's recovering. And now it's. Now it's. Look out loud.

[Jim Jeffries]

But did they ever say, oh, no, she's recovering? Because my sense has been very. I've been sad about this the whole time because the fact that we haven't ever heard a statement from her has made me think this is very bad.

[Gary]

She's been in a coma.

[Jim Jeffries]

Her daughter.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, her daughter.

[Jim Jeffries]

Her daughter has been making statements on her behalf.

[Gary]

I thought she was in induced coma, so she couldn't make a statement. Anyway, I thought there wasn't even the option of the statement.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what I heard was. And the news is so fucked up now that we never get anything. But I hear first, I hear, oh, she's in the hospital. She's in critical condition. Then everyone goes, oh, and then they did the thing that they always do where they go, well, she's stable now. And you go, okay. Jackoff's trying to get everyone all whipped up into this, but they usually don't go bad. And then better and then worse. You know, they normally just. It's much ado about nothing, but she's getting worse.

[Jim Jeffries]

She was in an induced coma. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I want her around. I have a list of people. Some are family members that I don't need, and then others are people I do need. Like, I want them on the planet. They don't do anything for me. I'll not have any interactions from them. I don't profit from them. I just want them around.

[Jim Jeffries]

When your dad had his turnaround in the hospital, was he on life support?

[Adam Carolla]

Huh?

[Jim Jeffries]

Was he on life support ever?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, he was on every. He was on everything. My mother called the priest.

[Gary]

I was told that my mother was gonna die. I was in the middle of the Edinburgh Festival in Scotland and my mother in Sydney. My family doctor told me she. She's got a couple of days, mate. And so I. I stopped the festival. I stopped all my shows. I got on the next plane, I flew out there. I fucking rock up. She's sitting up in bed playing the iPad. Right? And the doctor's like this. Oh, spirits picked up when she heard you were coming. And I'm like, this woman doesn't even look close to fucking dead. Now this is like six years ago. So maybe not the iPad. She was like playing solitaire or something. But it's like I said to her, I said, look, I'm all for you not dying. I'm all for it.

[Adam Carolla]

You should write greeting card, but next.

[Gary]

Time make sure you're dying. It's super, super expensive to get a last minute ticket from halfway around the world. And I was broke at the time, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah.

[Gary]

Anyway, love you, mum.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, me too. Is she still morbidly obese?

[Gary]

Well, yeah, I think all obese people are morbid.

[Adam Carolla]

She's obese.

[Gary]

She's obese. Yeah, she. But now she's just, she doesn't leave the house anymore. She's just to sit at home on oxygen and sort of. She goes into hospital for a few months out of the year. There's always like she gets pneumonia or something like that. And then she. But she's like the Terminator. She should have been dead like 10 times. It's remarkable to me. And so people always think I'm very callous. But she spends so much time in hospital throughout my life. I'm talking even in my teens and everything that I go, oh, my mom's in hospital with pneumonia. People like, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, well, what's happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Gary]

And oh yeah, I meant to act sad, but of course I'll be really sad when she dies. But it will, it'll come as a shock. Even if she's got like terminal cancer, it will still come as a shock when she does. Because I've always thought it would happen years ago. How big is she at her peak? She's not that big now, but at her peak, I would say 370 pounds.

[Adam Carolla]

And is she a short?

[Gary]

She's maybe five, six.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so she's, she's big. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Jim Jeffries]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosenz. If it cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. I want to thank David Wild for coming in here and Brian Ray for coming in here and Jim Jeffries for coming in here. Bare that is the name of the special B A R E available on Netflix. You know where to go. Also jimjefferies.com for all the live shows and go to our website and see where we're playing live as well. Jim, thanks for covering for me. And Drew, by the way, thanks for. Thank you for having me. And always a delight. Until next time, Adam CR For Jim Jeffries, Allison Rosen, and Bald Brian. Say it. Mahalo. Hey, Chinamen. We don't like your kind here.

[Allison Rosen]

That was a great Jim Jeffries in.

[David Wild]

Studio along with Adam Corolla and the.

[Allison Rosen]

Gang back in 2014. Hope you guys enjoyed this episode. That does it for these cool classics. Until tomorrow, mahalo and Get It On.

[Adam Carolla]

Start streaming now.