John Densmore + Michael Dubin (Carolla Classics)

Summary

---

The Adam Carolla Show: John Densmore + Michael Dubin (Carolla Classics)

Episode Date: March 21, 2026
Guests: John Densmore (The Doors), Michael Dubin (Dollar Shave Club), Dave Dameshek
Regulars: Adam Carolla (host), Allison Rosen, Brian “Bald Bryan” Bishop
Episode Theme: A classic “best of” compilation episode featuring standout segments with Michael Dubin (2013) and a recent sit-down with Doors drummer John Densmore. Wide-ranging banter covers everything from behavioral psychology (bad parking), the rise of Dollar Shave Club, American narcissism, sports news, and iconic Doors moments and legacy.

---

Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode is a throwback double feature. First, Adam and crew revisit a 2013 interview with Michael Dubin, founder of Dollar Shave Club, whose viral marketing and entrepreneurial drive are dissected in Carollian fashion. Later, John Densmore joins for a candid discussion about front-row moments with Jim Morrison, the wild ride of The Doors, and rock’s peculiar legacy.

Adam’s classic rants, listener calls, and the crew’s whip-smart banter anchor the show, with gym talk, tragic news oddities, and a deep-dive into pop-culture, technology, and vanishing social graces. Both guests’ segments are peppered with Adam’s signature humor, skepticism, and everyman philosophy.

---

Detailed Breakdown

1. Behavioral Red Flags: How You Park Says It All

Timestamps: [01:30] – [10:12]

• Adam opens with a humorous but sincere philosophy: you learn a lot about people from their parking habits.
  • Adam: “Don’t you think you can kind of tell a lot about an individual just by how they park their car?...If this is a good person or this is a selfish person?” [01:30]
• The group explores “car corks” (people blocking driveways), those who straddle two parking spots, and the etiquette of not blocking others.
  • Allison: “The parking is completely subconscious… everything else is how you present yourself. The way you park is just what you do.” [02:06]
• Adam’s hypervigilance narrative (Stacy blocks in Olga; no one opens the door for guests) morphs into a comedic meditation on being “too aware”:
  • Adam (on hypervigilance): “My hypervigilance sort of ruins everything because I’m like, how come no one has unlocked the door and I’m talking to a radio station and why’s Stacy parked behind the… whatever.” [06:36]
• The gang bonds over plague-of-modern-life tales: slow-space-leavers in crowded lots, the psychology of “follow me” drivers, and why some people are always getting left behind.
  • Adam: “I said ‘follow me,’ not be a caboose in this retard train.” [08:43]

---

2. Carrie Fisher’s Service Dog — and America’s “Narcissism Tsunami”

Timestamps: [10:46] – [20:51]

• Adam shares an interaction with Carrie Fisher at the Family Guy studio:
  • She’s upset her service dog couldn’t go upstairs. Adam celebrates the security guard for standing firm.
  • Carrie Fisher (quoted by Adam): “Why limit it to the animal? Who’s the nut job here? Not the dog… They’re not the one who’s precariously balanced on the sort of sanity ledge — that’s you, who’s nuts!” [12:34]
• Adam launches a tangent on emotionally “justified” service animals vs. other public vices:
  • Adam: “In terms of emotional impact, more or less than being a nervous flyer? I’d argue the smoker gets more out of his cigarettes than you get out of that Bowser on your lap.” [14:13]
• Parodying the trend, Adam suggests smokers should start claiming ‘emotional support cigarettes.’
• This morphs into a larger, biting commentary on growing narcissism, entitlement, and public “badge of insanity.”
  • Adam: “It’s a narcissism that is sweeping over this nation like a fucking tsunami and we’re all gonna get swept up in it.” [18:09]
• On the self-perpetuating nature of comfort habits (“chapstick theory”) and the social burden of public behaviors that comfort the few at the cost to the many.
  • Adam: “Masturbating vigorously and loudly relaxes me…but that’s not done in public. Why is that not allowed?” [19:34]

---

3. Classic Call-ins: Mr. Brightside

Timestamps: [22:55] – [38:10]

• User-submitted woes are greeted with Carolla’s acerbic yet uplifting takes.
  • Ex. Cletus lost two toes to diabetes. Adam reframes it as: “Your toenail clippers are going to last 20% longer than almost everyone you know.” [24:25]
• Another caller, down on his luck, submits to Adam’s career “test.” Adam has him improvise a fake radio show, then critiques his “interviewing” skills in real time.
  • Adam: “All right, let’s do the thing where…Let’s just make it the Oofazio show and you start the show.” [34:16]
  • Allison: “Euphasia is talking too much about himself and not his guest. Ufei will never get to be the number one podcast that way.” [36:03]
• Underlines the show’s rough empathy, unfiltered advice, and Adam’s instincts as a judge of truth in callers’ stories.

---

4. Michael Dubin Interview: The Dollar Shave Club Story

Timestamps: [40:31] – [52:52]

• Adam intro’s the now-famous Dollar Shave Club launch video — which he had seen years before it went viral.
  • Clip plays: “Our blades are f***ing great…Your handsome-ass grandfather had one blade and polio.” [40:44]
• Dubin walks through cocktail-party origins of the business — “guys hate buying razors, it’s expensive and a hassle.” [44:37]
• Wide-ranging conversation on the false complexity of modern products, the hassle of “razor fortresses,” and pointless gadget features.
  • Adam (on razor buying): “All I want is the handle to match the goddamn cartridge…But now I have Dollar Shave Club, I don’t worry about it.” [45:26]
• Humorous digressions about waxing horrors, removing hair for attractiveness, and the impossible demands of cosmetic culture—paralleling the steroid era of baseball.
• Segues to Dubin’s big-picture take on entrepreneurship:
  • Michael Dubin: “It’s really rewarding to think that an idea that was born at a cocktail party…now has so many members that care about it and want us to succeed.” [51:00]
• Notable Moment: Adam predicts global lie detection will be the next breakthrough, “A world standard lie detector.” [88:13]

---

5. News Roundtable: Crime, Dogs, and Candy Lists

Timestamps: [53:00] – [84:07]

• Brian Bishop and Allison Rosen present news: new Adam Lanza and Jared Loughner case documents, horrifying details of mass shooters, and the phenomenon of mass murderers attracting “marital proposals” in prison.
  • Adam’s solution: Remove at-risk children from women writing love letters to incarcerated killers.
  • Adam: “That is going to be the light at the end of this tragic tunnel.” [54:59]
• Gun culture rants, survivalists, and parental responsibility threaded throughout.
• Shifts to pit bull mauling tragedy, generating debate on comparison to gun safety, pack behavior, and the latent “switch” in some breeds.
  • Adam: “The thing about animals — aggressive animals, they’re not aggressive all the time. Just like people who stab people, they don’t spend the better part of every day stabbing.” [68:13]
• Personal stories and a riff on animal attack strategies ("making yourself big isn't going to do much for a bear").
• Ends with heated reactions to a New York Times Easter candy list: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup ranked “criminally” low.
  • Adam: “You got Kate Upton…and then you do those fucking things where the hottest chicks...and Mila Kunis is number four, and Kate Upton’s number 29…Now the list is null and void.” [81:26]
• Adam and the crew bond over nostalgia and candy injustice.

---

6. Sports: Tebow’s Next Move & Jason Collins Comes Out

Timestamps: [120:09] – [141:14]

• Dave Dameshek brings NFL Draft updates: the spectacle of athletes’ rags-to-riches, the fall of Tim Tebow, and his prospects for future football.
  • Deep dive: If Tebow can “reinvent” himself as a tight end or Canadian Football League QB.
  • Adam (on Tebow): “You don’t necessarily have to go the Warren Moon route where you go to Canada, have incredible years, and then come back…You could just go suck in Canada.” [127:44]
• The revelation of NBA center Jason Collins coming out as gay:
  • The crew debates: Will more athletes follow? Should players publicly comment? Is there a risk with “office romances” if teams have more than one gay player?
  • Adam: “You should be coached up not to do anything. I think it’s smart because he kind of gets to be the Jackie Robinson of basketball in the gay world, if you think about it.” [133:31]
• Adam lampoons intolerant tweet scandals and religious justifications for homophobia.
  • Adam: “The same people that hate the gays hate you. So let’s not get on that team.” [132:56]
• Segues into the surreal logistics of “gay teammates” (passing balls, locker room tensions) and the possibility of twins with different sexual orientations.

---

7. John Densmore: The Doors Unhinged

Timestamps: [151:06] – [173:20]

• Adam’s reverent, fanboy side comes out in this all-access interview with drummer John Densmore:
  • The impact of the Oliver Stone movie, and Val Kilmer’s uncanny Jim Morrison impression.
    • Densmore: “He gave me the creeps on the set. I thought Jim came on to you. I thought Jim was back…for a second there.” [151:31]
  • Doors origin stories, psychedelics, and meeting Jim (“He won’t even look at us…but then he hands me a crumpled piece of paper that said, ‘Day destroys the night, night divides the day…’” [155:00])
  • Densmore’s take: “L.A. Woman was the first punk album…just fucked the mistakes and the feeling.” [156:16]
  • Stories of Morrison’s death, the rumors, and the eerie aftermath for the band.
  • Lawsuit over the Doors’ name and legacy (why unanimous veto power was so important). The economics of legacy: “Let’s split everything. Let’s have veto power in case anybody gets weird.” [165:00]

---

8. Coda: News, Naps, and Life Advice

Timestamps: [174:55] – [195:11]

• All the news you can use: Boston marathon bomber’s mom, fertilizer explosions, and inefficient government.
  • Adam rails against underperforming security, bureaucracy, and TSA “Sky Marshal” run-ins.
• Discussion: “Best and brightest” rarely end up running public agencies.
• Ends on a Carolla classic: the case for napping, useless meeting “specials” at restaurants, and a dissection of makeup artists’ oddities.
  • Adam: “All makeup ladies are either nuts or super nuts.” [191:15]
  • Final sign-off is a classic Carolla rally for listeners to take their lives into their own hands, with the familiar “Mahalo.”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On modern narcissism:
  • “It’s not the dogs. It’s a narcissism that is sweeping over the nation like a fucking tsunami.” – Adam Carolla [18:09]
• On learning from parking habits:
  • “You can follow a person around and just sort of figure out where their head was at by how they park.” – Adam Carolla [06:36]
• On Dollar Shave Club’s viral charm:
  • “Your handsome-ass grandfather had one blade and polio.” – Michael Dubin, DSC video [40:44]
• On Adam’s personal animal-attack story:
  • “Moon was overcoming its fear. Moon was doing what you said to do. And at a certain point, Moon lunged at me.” – Adam Carolla [75:32]
• On LGBTQ athletes and team romance danger:
  • “As an owner, once one of your players comes out as gay…do you draft the other gay guys? Because now you got a situation…those office romances…Never works out.” – Adam Carolla [135:14]
• On Jim Morrison & the Doors:
  • “I thought Jim was back. For a second there, it was just outrageous. It was close.” – John Densmore on Val Kilmer [151:50]
  • “Our music…was just American gumbo — it came out kind of unique.” – Densmore [168:21]

---

Segment Timestamps at a Glance

• [01:30–10:12] Parking as personality litmus test
• [10:46–20:51] Carrie Fisher, the service dog wars, American narcissism
• [22:55–38:10] Mr. Brightside, epic caller tales
• [40:31–52:52] Michael Dubin & Dollar Shave Club
• [53:00–84:07] News: crime, crazy candy rankings, and child-eating pit bulls
• [120:09–141:14] Sports: Tebow, Jason Collins, and “gay team” logistics
• [151:06–173:20] John Densmore interview (The Doors)
• [174:55–195:11] Late show musings, government gripes, makeup lady quirks, and napping

---

Episode Takeaways

• Adam’s world is filtered through “common sense,” frustration at social decline, and a relentless drive for practical solutions—both micro (parking, napping) and macro (lie detectors, the criminal justice system).
• Viral entrepreneurship and creative grit are celebrated, with Michael Dubin’s grassroots success as an exemplar.
• The Doors' legacy, as narrated by John Densmore, carries mythic resonance, matching Carolla’s nostalgia for authenticity over polish.
• Society’s trends—service animals, public narcissism, over-the-top consumer products, illogical lists—are scrutinized, always with humor and bluster.
• Calls, news, and sports stories provide a constantly shifting palette for Adam’s rants and the crew’s riffing, making for a lively, unpredictable listen.

---

Summary prepared for listeners seeking a thorough, engaging walk-through — rich with quotes, moments, and the irreverent spirit that makes Carolla’s show a perennial favorite.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Carvana is so easy. Just a click and we've got ourselves a car.

[Dave Dameshek]

See so many cars.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a clicktastic inventory. And check out the financing options payments to fit our budget. I mean, that's Clickonomics101. Delivery to our door. Just a hop, skip and a click away. And bot no better feeling than when everything just clicks. Buy your car today on Carvana.

[Allison Rosen]

Delivery fees may apply.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics and you can find the ad free archives exclusively available through podcast one. If you'd like to find the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show as well as The Adam and Dr. Drew show and the podcast Beat it

[Allison Rosen]

out, make sure to check out Adamcarolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to

[Adam Carolla]

request a clip, please email us classicsncarolla.com alright, let's get to the clips coming

[Allison Rosen]

up first we have Adam Carollo Show 1046.

[Adam Carolla]

This one's from 2013 featuring guests Michael Dubin along with Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. Hope you guys enjoy. Welcome to the program. Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Bald Bryan. Hey, hey, hey. Don't you guys think a couple experiences today? Don't you think you can kind of tell a lot about an individual by just how they park their car, how they choose to park their car? Like first off, do you need more than to just sort of study parking patterns to know if you would be compatible with this person, if this is a good person or this is a selfish person?

[Brian Bishop]

Lots of volumes. Unlike the condition or dirtiness of the car, which has nothing to do with the quality of the person who drives it.

[Adam Carolla]

That is right. Bird. Chipmobile.

[Allison Rosen]

You know why it's a great tell of a person's whatever? Because everything else, a person, the dress, their whatever, their hairstyle or lack thereof, it's all conscious. This is how I present myself. The parking is completely subconscious. They're here, they're at their place and they're parking, or they need to be.

[Adam Carolla]

And you always hear those studies where it takes people an average of 2 minutes and 21 seconds to pull out of a parking spot. But if someone's waiting for it, it goes up to 3 minutes and 18 seconds or something like that, which is sad. But sadly, I believe It. But I do. I watch the way people park. And not only the way they park in terms of are they selfish, are they humanitarians? But just what's the thinking behind it?

[Brian Bishop]

Examples.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

In this room.

[Adam Carolla]

It happens today? Well, no, Occasionally people come, do this show, and I have a parking lot here that probably holds 10, 11 cars. And they will park their car at the end of the gate that leads into the driveway. Like a cork on our parking lot. Like they'll put a cork. They'll literally park their car and they won't pull up. They could pull up. There's a car in front of them, but it's 20ft in front of them. And it won't solve everything. But if they pull all the way up, then eight of the 11 cars can get out, but they'll just park it like a fucking car cork at the top of the parking lot.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a tampon.

[Adam Carolla]

That's an interesting one. They're the ones. They're also the people that will not fucking pull up. They just won't pull up. And then there's the. I will park behind you and I'll tell you what happened. Here's what happened to me. I have hypervigilance. So I'm. Everything in life bugs the shit out of me. And also, I can't figure it out. Like, I'm doing an interview with a radio station today and Stacy the tutor pulls up to tutor the kids and I'm just hovering around my office.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry, footnote. They're not in first grade yet. They're being carry on.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

They're falling behind and they're paste eating.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

It might be that all the parents have tutors for their kids, so therefore your kid will fall behind without Stacy.

[Adam Carolla]

Something like that. Anyway, whatever. She's coming over to do some tutoring and I'm on the phone and I hear from Olga that she's taken Natalia out and they're going ice skating or whatever it is. So I'm just up in the office and I'm watching Stacy and Stacy's pulling up. And even though there's more than a car's width parking space next to Olga's car, she chooses to stop and just park right behind Olga's car and get out of her car and come to the house. Now Olga's not going to be able to get out with the other kid. I don't know why you would ever stop behind somebody in a driveway because you don't know when and if and how and where that person is always pulled next to them because that always then gives them the option of backing out, not having the, hey, you're blocking me in thing. And there's ample room. Good person just chooses to. And I'm like, talking to a radio station when I'm looking out the window, wanting to, like, yell, pull up. I have people come to my house all the time. Pull 10ft up the driveway and just park at the bottom. Meaning, like, nobody's getting out of this place. I don't know what goes. I really honestly don't know what goes on. But later on, she went out to get something out of her car, and I yelled out of the radio, put the phone down and yelled out the window, pull up next to her. Because she could be leaving or not or whatever. Why the option? Why the impulse? But then the second impulse, which is a weird thing too, is Stacy rang the gate and the phone, you know, the thing was ringing, and it was announced, oh, Stacey's here. And then I continued my radio interview. And then about two and a half to six minutes later, there was on the front door. But everyone who announced Stacey here was here was in a bathroom doing something. And it was like, you do know the person who's coming to our house is going to be approaching a door at some point because you just opened a gate for them. Yeah. So why. It's. You can call it my hypervigilance.

[Brian Bishop]

I know that would be the worst time to go to the bathroom when you know someone's gonna be at the door and, like.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So my hyper vigilance sort of ruins everything because I'm like, what? How come no one has unlocked the door and I'm talking to a radio station and why Stacy's car parked behind the. Whatever. But then I just realized you probably could just follow a person around and just sort of figure out where their head was at by how they parked. Don't think Stacy's a bad person. Not sure why she wouldn't slide up next to somebody instead and choose to block that person. Might have had a thought, may have not. I'd like to know the people that do the park job where they straddle the two things so they take up two parking spaces, but they never get their car dropped, door dinged or anything. That person, fucking maniac. The person that gets into the car when there's a. You know, when you just go into those parking lots where there's a lot of activity, like, a lot of trolling for spaces. Like, sometimes at the airport, sometimes at, like, The Costco on a Saturday. You see people, they're trolling, they're just driving. They're constantly just going in a circle looking for a spot. And then you see that person get into their car. And they get in the car and they're just having A, they're doing some texting before they go anywhere. They're not going anywhere. And they should be abundantly aware of what's going on because A, they probably trolled for parking space and found one themselves. B, it's a beehive of activity with no parking spaces. And then C, you can physically see people put their blinkers on and pull up to your space as you get into your car. And sometimes they even follow you.

[Brian Bishop]

See, I had the experience and I'm the bad person. Sometimes it's hard to find parking at Irvine Improv where we do shows. And so it took me a while to get a spot and then I pulled into the spot and then I finished putting on makeup because my car's my green room at that point. But then there were a lot of people, I assume, I don't know. A child knocked at my window and that's how unaware I was that all of a sudden I jumped at a six year old. And they wanted to know if I was leaving.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing your bidding. I like that. I'll get my kids to do that. Here's the other guy, and this guy. Can't figure out this guy's my dad. And maybe everyone's dad, but there are a lot of these people out there. It's been discussed before, but I don't feel like society gives it enough attention.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, hello.

[Adam Carolla]

When I tell my dad, follow me to the restaurant. And then I get in my car and I start driving at a normal speed. And at some point I look in my rear view and he is 17 clicks behind me. And four other cars have slid in between my rear bumper and his front bumper. And I think to myself, first thing, old man, I said, follow me, not be a caboose in this retard train. And secondly, you don't know where this restaurant is, right? So you must thus follow me. Now, I'm not talking about bump drafting, like it's nascar, but I mean, feel free to kind of stay up on me. And then there's that thing where you inevitably make a signal that they don't make because. Because you're 1400 yards in front of them. And then you have to like pull over in front of a 711 driveway and there's that weird move where you're like waving people around Like, I'm not parking here. I'm trying to pull over. I don't want to pull up and turn off into a side street. I can't see the guy anymore. Now you're waiting and you're like, what? Just what part of follow me did we not. Now there is the overzealous cousin to this person who you will casually change lanes in a freeway that has no off ramp overpasses or exchanges to be seen by the naked eye. And he will cut off a cattle truck swerving. Stay with your every beat like he's a cornerback and you're running around on him. That's.

[Allison Rosen]

I pull a double move and he's got.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I kind of like that guy. But he's still kind of an idiot. Like, obviously, I'm just moving. I'm drifting over toward the. Toward the left lane. I'm not going to hit the.

[Brian Bishop]

If I'm following someone, that's how I am. I'm like, I'm never more angry than if a car gets in between us. I'm like, oh, no, I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

But I swear to God, I've told multiple people, like, follow me. And they're very happy to let three and four cars slide in between them. They miss lights, like just.

[Brian Bishop]

And they're so relaxed about it. That's what I don't. Yeah, you think they. Because if it were me and that was my only way to get to wherever we're going, I would be getting nervous.

[Adam Carolla]

And you don't know where you're going. And this sometimes was even pre, like cell phone, so you couldn't call the person up and follow me. I don't know how much clearer I can be. And I would then intentionally drive 15% slower to accommodate that person. And still they would let this huge chasm gather up between me and their vehicle. I know what there's out of it. But again, what would be the end game? Who's going to get to you? Yes, I will get to the restaurant. You will not get to the restaurant. All right. A couple other things. Saw a few things today. Went over and did a little family guy work, a little pickup work. The actress Carrie Fisher was coming in second. Had this great conversation with Carrie Fisher about her service dog. This is great. It's a great moment. She was like, oh, oh. She came in when I was leaving. All the actors will sort of meet about the same time. They'll have all your scripts laid out. They'll have your parts highlighted and they'll have you Know, you'll get to see by how they have it laid out. You'll get to see who else is coming in that day. Because if you wait around for 15 minutes, you'll see Mila Kunis or whoever's coming in to do the voiceover stuff. And so. Oh, there's Carrie Fisher. So I was like, hey, how you doing? And we were introduced and stuff like that. And she's like, oh, man, I am really not in a good way. And I was like, why? What's going on? Why are we having a bad day? What's going on? And she goes, I came in here with my dog. And that security guard would not let my dog up through the building and into the elevators. And I remember I was like doing a fist pump, like, good, good. Who wants your fucking dog in here? And then I said, well, you know, you need that service dog vest for the dog. And she's like, I have a service dog vest. And then at a certain point, she said something funny. She goes, I should have one of those vests. That's a good idea. Why limit it to the animal? Who's the nut job here? Not the dog. You know what I mean? The dogs. Why does the dog have to get the scarlet vest? You know what I mean? They're not the one who's precariously balanced on the sort of sanity ledge that's you, who's nuts. And yet you have to have the dog. Fucking have this badge of insanity on them. So, yeah, you should have a service sweater. So I said, you know, crossing guards have one. Why not you? So I said, yeah, that's funny. And I said, well, where's the dog? Well, it said, down in the car. Oh, hope you get that worked out. But I remember thinking, good. I mean, I didn't have anything against her. I just remember thinking, everyone with their fucking pets everywhere. And I'm glad there's a security guy going, hey, this is a place of business. You can't go in with your dog. There's plenty of. Again, I would just love to see the look on anyone's face if you just lit up a cigarette anywhere.

[Dave Dameshek]

If you took a cigarette, my service

[Allison Rosen]

cigarette, that little mini vest for the cigarette.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, can I argue? Can I to argue this? You guys tell me. You guys tell me emotionally, from just a pure emotional standpoint, telling a guy who's a smoker, a real smoker, like two pack a day smoker, guy who lights one cigarette off the next cigarette, telling that dude, hey, you're going to go to a place Namely the airport. There's going to be security.

[Brian Bishop]

Dave Attel would never go there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's going to be a six hour flight. There's going to be a whole bunch of stuff involved here. Basically what I'm need you to do is go eight or nine hours without smoking. In terms of emotional impact, more or less than being a nervous flyer, you know what I mean? Like I would argue that that guy gets more out of his cigarettes than you get out of that fucking bowser on your lap. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's my cigarette. That's why you should be able to say this is my emotional cigarette. My doctor said, ooh, we're not that

[Allison Rosen]

far off from having someone say I need these cigarettes.

[Adam Carolla]

Doctors, I'm addicted to these cigarettes and you're asking me to go. 6. The Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie do it Gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow267's million dollars gaming in an epic global gaming league video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and who wins and advances to the championship match right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo ADHD. Parents, folks tasked with providing care for someone with dementia. Download your free books March 15 to April 14. Go to HTTP bit.ly AIP books or authenticintellectpubs.com or call 866-470-5777 hours without smoking them and you get to have your dog because you're a little nervous about flying. Well, I want my cigarettes for flying. But she did not have her dog. I went in, did my voiceover work and then I walked out and there she was with her dog. I was doing that thing where I was trying to pet it but I didn't know to go low or high five, you know what I mean? Like here's your change or up top, you know when I did the up on the head thing, I was getting the tongue with the head tilted back. When I do the under the coochie, coochie under the chin one. I was getting the head down, you know, it's like you did that.

[Brian Bishop]

Make up your mind, dog.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to miss jowl and tongue and trying to get that sweet spot right between that, that nice bone right between the Bridge there, just that nice clean part there. I can give you a nice pet. Miss the tongue. Got the tongue on the hand. There was a dog, by the way, on the sofa, on the sofa arm, just like up on the sofa, just like running around on the furniture. And I just thought, why is this.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, well, did you ever. Did you find out how it happened that she got her dog in?

[Adam Carolla]

She told. Raised a little hell, you know, got somebody from the family, guy did whatever. Somebody went down and said, hey, listen, that's Mrs. You know, that's Carrie Fisher and that's her dog. She needs blah, blah, blah. And she doesn't do VO work without a fucking four legged friend next to her. But the dog was on the sofa. The dog was not on the floor preventing seizures. It was just on the fucking sofa. And again, your dog on everyone else's furniture. And is there somebody is gonna do. I can tell you right now, Jimmy Kimmel's allergic to dogs. So if he was coming in and doing a voiceover that afternoon, his eyes would start. Would start watering and swell up if he had to, then go sit on that same sofa. Don't understand it, don't get it. But all I can tell you is I yelled out about six months ago, it is game on. And it is on. And I mean on fucking fire. This is not a slow burn. This is not smoldering rags. It's on fire. It's not the dogs. It's not any of this stuff. It's a narcissism that is sweeping over this nation like a fucking tsunami and we're all gonna get swept up in it.

[Allison Rosen]

Brian, I wonder what her, why she needed the dog, what the medical, what it says on the form, you know what I'm saying? The form that lists the dog. I wonder what it says.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, nobody needs a dog to fly with them and nobody needs a dog to do voiceover work. Nobody needs that. Nobody needs it. No matter what you say, nobody needs it.

[Allison Rosen]

Apparently Princess Leia needs it.

[Adam Carolla]

I tell you how I know nobody needs it. Nobody had it four years ago and it didn't exist eight years ago. I mean, blind people had fucking dogs. And even that pissed me off. But I was willing to look the other way, nay, turn a blind eye to it.

[Brian Bishop]

The other day I saw a blind couple walking down the street together. She was holding his arm and I thought, oh, how sweet. And also, where did they meet? But I was staring at them and I felt bad for a second. And then I realized I don't need to feel bad.

[Adam Carolla]

No they were a couple. They found each other somehow and they can't see me. And by the way, she's bipolar, but nobody needs it. And that thing of like, well, if it relaxes her, then what's so wrong? Well, you know what? You know what relaxes me? Masturbating vigorously and loudly. I like to blow off a little steam. Masturbating.

[Brian Bishop]

But that's not allowed in public. Why is that not allowed?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they got bathrooms on airplanes, but not in the aisles. But I'm saying this. There's shit that you do that is not really for other people on the airplane or other people in the elevator.

[Brian Bishop]

My nose and belch.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. And I like to curse. I like to pick my nose and curse. Masturbation is nice. There's lots of things I like to do, but they're not done because you're sharing a public space with other people and somebody might be offended or put off by that or maybe just doesn't want to share a seat or an aisle with somebody who's engaging in this behavior. But perhaps I don't want to share my life with your mutt. That's all I'm saying. It's officially on. And what we need to do and what these people need and what they don't know they need is every time you go somewhere with that dog to prevent your mood swing, you then become dependent on the dog and it thus reinforces that behavior self fulfilling prophecy. And now you cannot go anywhere. It's the chapstick theory of life. Once you start using chapstick, you. You have to use it more and more and then you become dependent on it and then you can't leave the fucking house without it.

[Brian Bishop]

As you know, I have a puppy. And whenever I take that dog out, it actually. I mean, I love him, but it causes me more stress. Is that because he's a puppy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's because you're sane. All right, we'll do a little Mr. Brightside first. Fight Club dot com. March Madness. You got a bracket, buster? Have your brackets been busted? How about it? How about you go to fight club.com, you get back in the action. So a lot of you guys been sidelined because a little bracket issue. Yeah. Now you get packets out and you're screwed. That's right. You just pick five players you think will do the best that day and you compete against another fan for real money. I like this. And look, maybe it's just fun. Maybe it's low stakes. Two bucks. Maybe it's 500 bucks. Whatever you decide. Head to head. Head to head you go. And I don't mean that in a homoerotic way. I mean that very straight gambling way. Head to head. That's how you do it. Up to a grand, by the way. Oh, this is fun.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, Nick Santora talk you down, though.

[Adam Carolla]

You can see my $250 team on Saturday's games on my Twitter account if you want. And if they win, my staff's getting a what a dinner on me.

[Allison Rosen]

Whoa.

[Adam Carolla]

This is bullshit.

[Allison Rosen]

I gotta follow this team.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't agree to that. All right, Enjoy. Fight Club dot com. That is Fight Club dot com. Check it out right now. Get a free five dollar credit when you join. That is Fight Club dot com. You're still in it, man. Fight Club dot com. All right, what do we got here? Want to do a little Mr. Bright sign? Yeah, let's do it. Life got you down? Can't catch a break? Thinking about ending it all. Well, don't let Adam turn your frown upside down. It's time for Mr. Brightside. All right, let's see.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you want to refresh the parameters of the game? It's been a long time since we've done this.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's been many years. I think. Look, you think you got problems. I'm here to tell you that people got bigger problems than you, no matter what your problems are.

[Brian Bishop]

So look on the bright side.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the opposite of what you can't complain about. Someone comes up with something horrible, and you're like, well, think about this.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Mm. I'm. I'm showing you my. My range when I do this as an actor. Cletus. Hey, man. Hey, Cletus. You know, man, first time, long time, brother. How you.

[Caller/Euphasio]

What's up?

[Adam Carolla]

I love you, Cletus. 35, Georgia.

[Caller/Euphasio]

What's up, man?

[Adam Carolla]

Number one.

[Caller/Euphasio]

My bracket is busted.

[Adam Carolla]

I had Arizona going all the way to win everything, and they lost to Ohio State tonight. That's the worst part about my day. Sure. The number two is I lost two

[Caller/Euphasio]

toes three weeks ago to diabetes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, guess who's nine ounces lighter? Yeah, but how much do you weigh, Cletus?

[Caller/Euphasio]

275.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now. 274 and a quarter. But Ace, man, Beach season coming up. Hold on into the microphone is B Season coming up.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Beach. The beach.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the beach. That's right. Beach season. I gotcha. And the flip flops. And how's that gonna look with a missing two toes, man? Well, a couple things I Need some

[Caller/Euphasio]

cheering up, Brother Gobble?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I will cheer you up. Few things you should know. First off, your toenail clippers are going to last 20% longer than almost everyone, you know? You know what I mean? I go through fucking toenail clippers.

[Brian Bishop]

Are they disposable?

[Adam Carolla]

I find myself saying, yeah, yeah. So your toenail clippers, where most people would only last, let's say eight years, yours going to last 10 years.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a 20% savings.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. So I mean, nest feathered with just the savings from toenail clippers, number one. Number two, this is a nice conversation piece, you know what I mean? And saying you lost them because you're morbidly obese and you didn't correctly work your insulin levels, not a good idea. Sword fight. Good. Bitten off by a Komodo dragon. Great, great. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, this is sword fight, the Komodo dragon.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Dueling Komodo dragon. I mean, the conversation you can have, you know, even if you go table saw, then someone go, what? You were, you were milling wood. Hey, baby, I multitask. I mean, you know what I mean? This is a conversation starter also. It's the kind of thing where if you ever want to just go with a sock and a shoe, you. No one's ever gonna figure out that you're missing a couple of toes. What? Same foot. Did you mix it up?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, yeah. It's the one that went to the market.

[Adam Carolla]

And the other one, the one right next to it.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Wee, wee, wee. All the way home. And then the guy right next to

[Brian Bishop]

him, the ring toe and the piggy.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, piggy.

[Adam Carolla]

So is that the small one?

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's the two small ones, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the two small ones all the way home and the guy right next to him, I'm doing it backwards so I can't. Right. All right, you've cut down on your surface area for athlete's foot.

[Brian Bishop]

The one who had none.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's the gromitosis, which you've cut down, you've cut down on all foot related. There's a lot of foot related shit also. I mean, there's a lot of. Nothing good really comes from your foot, you know, it's not like your toes ever invented something.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, nothing done to your foot is the best, you know what I mean? No toenail fungus, no athlete's foot.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, that little, that little toe is the one you kick the metal bed frame on in the morning when it's cold and it Just takes a fucking beating. Listen, if someone would have given me a choice at birth, if I could just remove my son's two. Two outer toes on that, I would have said, fine. Make a necklace. Let's do it. Bullet dodge. Cletus. What about my bracket, man? Arizona law. Well, look, I'm telling you, Fight club dot com.

[Caller/Euphasio]

That's good stuff, Ace, man.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why you're number one, baby.

[Caller/Euphasio]

I love you, brother.

[Adam Carolla]

Love you, baby. All right. And if someone ever wants to, you know, check out how warm the pool is and dip a toe in the water, you don't have to get off your chair. You literally just throw your toe in the water. That'd be the greatest thing ever.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you tamed his toes back when they amputated them.

[Adam Carolla]

Assume they're yours, he just has them. That'd be the funniest prank ever. Let me check out how cold the pool is. I'm gonna put a toe in there. And everyone would be sitting there, and you just go. And they go, what are you doing here? Yeah, just put a toe in. Good stuff, right? All right, let's see. Someone sits in a cubicle 45 hours a day, and that sounds bad. Let's see. Girl, he's really into. Oh, cursed him out. Let's see. Let's talk to Charles. Charles.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

22. What's going on?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Well, Adam, I'm a huge fan. I know you get it all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

You're probably sick of hearing it, but

[Caller/Euphasio]

just want to let you know that

[Dave Dameshek]

I've had a real crap day today, man. I know you hear it all the

[Caller/Euphasio]

time, blah, blah, blah. But girls, man, you're. You're the master of lady friends. It seems like from what I hear about your shows and.

[Adam Carolla]

What's your question, Charles?

[Caller/Euphasio]

So this girl been into for a while? We've had a thing way back when, months ago. Nothing. Nothing recent. I finally run into her on campus

[Dave Dameshek]

today and kind of try to talk

[Caller/Euphasio]

to her, smile, be nice and kick me, kick me, you know, out the door kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, cusses me out and get

[Caller/Euphasio]

the hell out of my face kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

And I really like this girl, you know, and don't believe it. I don't believe any of it.

[Caller/Euphasio]

You don't believe it?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Well, Adam, I don't have the best luck with girls, man. I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't really.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Maybe I said the wrong thing or.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not buying it. It's just a waste of my time. Feels bogus. To me.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Bogus.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's super bogus.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Now it's super bogus. Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, all right, maybe it is, but all right, all right, it was a good try.

[Brian Bishop]

What was the tell. The lack of specificity.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. You know, you've done what I've done for as many years as I've done it. You just become like a cop, you know, and like.

[Brian Bishop]

Or Judge Judy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, or Judge Judy. Or you just kind of smell stuff and it's like. Doesn't feel right. He's talking. He doesn't really have a question. Who's great. That's right. All right, shall we? Let's.

[Allison Rosen]

Cletus and this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, listen, I don't know what line two's name is, do you?

[Brian Bishop]

Euphasio.

[Adam Carolla]

Euphasio. All right. Hey, tell her your phase. Yo, what's going on? Oh, I see. Was written phonetically for me. Sorry. Yeah. Thanks, guys.

[Caller/Euphasio]

From. Hey, do you. I have a problem. I need to get a solution.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Caller/Euphasio]

You've been going on for 10 years.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't hand out solutions. I just hand out good feelings.

[Caller/Euphasio]

All right, on. Or inspiration. Empowerment.

[Adam Carolla]

That's better than a solution.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Right on. You took the words right out of my mouth. You are the man.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Anyhow, I wanted to sum this up. I. I hope I don't have any kind of pressure for like, you know, editing or whatever, but turns out I have been having a shitty day. Minus six days before that, I lost my wallet at Home Depot. I was finishing up a fence project, right? And I was talking to this chick already or whatever on the phone. And for some reason, because I get frazzled easy from all these other people I run into, no pun intended. I actually may have left my wallet on the ledge of the truck bed or the bumper.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's bad times.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah. And, you know, my wallet was gone. 50 bucks. My mom's debit card was replaced.

[Adam Carolla]

Your mom's debit card?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah. And

[Adam Carolla]

are you employed? Do you have a job?

[Caller/Euphasio]

I am unemployed since 2006, salary wise.

[Adam Carolla]

What. What was your gig?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Radio. Disc jockey. On air. Personality, Promotions Assistance.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, broadcasting. And I've been just playing on air.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this Charles St. Pierre? Is that your. That you're on? That's your on the air name?

[Caller/Euphasio]

No, no, no, no, not at all. It's. I don't even know what a name could be.

[Adam Carolla]

But wait a minute. You were. You were on the air talent?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, I worked at different radio stations.

[Adam Carolla]

The microphone was hooked up to something. Or they just gave you A microphone?

[Caller/Euphasio]

No, they gave me a telephone and then they tried to get me to call up, but then I was actually in studio at other stations too.

[Adam Carolla]

Great story. And Ufazio.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you got fired?

[Caller/Euphasio]

No, no, I didn't get fired. Well, I got fired from different other radio station jobs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I worked. I couldn't resist. If I was firing Ufazio, I would just go, oofasio, we have to face you out.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, I've had many nicknames too. I've been called Eucrazio, Euphrekio, you, Lazio.

[Allison Rosen]

Non complimentary.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll stop you. We'll stop you when one doesn't ring true.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Okay, but seriously, going back to what I'm talking about, Well, a week later my truck got stolen. Yeah, my radio HD truck. You know, my license plate has Radio hd. I guess. I guess. Yeah, I'm a big fan of the band or whatever and I have a passion for radio.

[Adam Carolla]

Big Radiohead fan. What kind of truck? What kind of truck was it?

[Caller/Euphasio]

It was a 94 Chevy Silverado.

[Adam Carolla]

Lowered. Lowered. Well, is that. I saw your pictures that when you got into it or was it lowered before?

[Caller/Euphasio]

No, it was actually I buy from an essay do who was kind of like on the big side. So it was actually lowered from that. But the seat kind of, you know, worn out, but yeah, it's been lowered already.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Definitely not a Jew. Fazio, you said your mom's debit card was in your wallet?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, I told her right away about it and she had it replaced.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I got my mom's debit card in my wallet, but I don't use it. Why, why your mom's debit card?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Well, she has a sense that I'm trying to rebuild, you know. You know, the neighbor on. On my left side you went have. I'm building a fence. I supposed like, you know, make some.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you a carpenter?

[Caller/Euphasio]

I'm jack of all trades.

[Adam Carolla]

What. What do you think things are looking like you're 43 years of age. That's. Let's do talk big picture.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get beyond the fence here.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

What would you like to be doing? You know, meet a woman, settle down, some kids, a steady job, something with that.

[Caller/Euphasio]

I want my career to start right now as a.

[Adam Carolla]

Putting up dog eared redwood fencing or on the. On the microphone.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Those are merely odd jobs to get to the microphone.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, all right, let's do the thing where. Let's just make it the Oofazio show and you start the show.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Okay. Hey, it's straight up and down. Six o'. Clock. It's the morning freak low with Frase, man, how's it going? And what are we doing today? Let's go check out on Billy and see if he's awake yet. Let's go call him up, you know, and just dial the number and.

[Adam Carolla]

Why don't you interview me? Why don't you make me your guest?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Okay. Welcome. It's 6:23 after the hour and it's a Thursday evening and we got a great guest today and his name is Adam Ace Carrera or the Lakers Corolla. How you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Doing good, Faze. You're a big fan.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Hey, thanks. Appreciate that. Likewise. You know, I was checking out your book. Not a Taco Bell. I can't remember the title.

[Adam Carolla]

Not Taco Bell material. Thank you, Pace.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, yeah. And I think it's an excellent collaboration and compilation of what you went through and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, buddy. Hold on one second. Stacy, move your car. Park next to. God damn it. Someone get the door parked next to Olga. Sorry. Sorry. Faze, a big fan. Where were we at? Yeah, the book.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, yeah, the book. Yeah, yeah. There's a. There's a couple things that really stood out when I was reading it. I like your comment on, like, how, like, you were like. Because I used to be a city planning major and you were talking about having this house in the Hollywood Hills that you were totally like, re.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you imagine Vasia planning your city?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Dude, this town, Marino Valley, inspired me to become a city planner, but there's too much mathematics involved, so I had to get out. And I wanted to, like, be able to change the world quicker, so I chose the microphone. Yeah. And what's weird about that?

[Adam Carolla]

One confused ear at a time.

[Allison Rosen]

Euphasia is talking too much about himself and not his guest. Ufei will never get to be the number one podcast that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I thought one about it.

[Caller/Euphasio]

About the point he made in his book about how he's trying to get a permit now. You either had to go to downtown or you had to go to the Valley.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller/Euphasio]

And what happened was I was totally intrigued how, like, you explained how, like, when you went through the Valley because you figured it'd be a lot closer. You'd have to deal with the traffic.

[Adam Carolla]

Fine phase. Yeah. I'm bored by my own buck.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you living at home?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, I'm in the empty nest. And I am the oldest of five children.

[Adam Carolla]

And Mama's taking care of you?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah. She's 73. She feels like she's 50 and she's, you know, she wants me to like, you know, move forward, but for some reason I keep getting to like, a lot of dilemmas. Like, it's always like one thing after another.

[Adam Carolla]

Amphasia. When she says forward, she means out. She means forward through the front door.

[Allison Rosen]

One foot in front of the other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, don't stop. Go ahead and deadbolt that bad boy.

[Caller/Euphasio]

But. Yeah, but what's weird though, I'm Filipino and you know, you know, moms love to, you know, take care of our sons and make sure they go on with life, but they like to complain about it and like torture us while we're doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, listen, you tell her first off, you know, you're barely. I mean, when are you going to turn 44?

[Caller/Euphasio]

44 and September 14th.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, like you're a spring chicken, you know, you can't expect to be pushed out of the nest in your early 40s, you know what I mean? Let's get your schooling done. Let's get your feet on the ground. You know, part.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Well, I got the schooling done part already.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I'm phase.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah, but there's some dynamics.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, there's nothing I can do to improve this man's life. Look, the parents, I always say, you know, nature and nurture, this one will be on you. You know what I mean? Like, if you got that kid who's in his 40s and living at the house and eating all your food and making you miserable and watching porn on your computer, that is either product of your seed and your egg or bad parenting. Either way, and on occasion, there's problems that go beyond that.

[Allison Rosen]

This egg might have been scrambled a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Just a little bit. Yeah, I might have one of those egg beaters. Alright, I think that should wrap it up. Why not? Let's play an outro. Feel better?

[John Densmore]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Mr. Brightside. Where is our Dollar Shave Club? Prada. Is he here? Mm. Oh, he's here. Yeah. Michael Dubin, this guy. I'll tell you the thing about this dude. He invented Dollar Shave Club. And I'm not kidding you, my assistant Jay, three years ago was showing me his funny video. I don't know if we have that. We can probably find that. He's just on YouTube. Like, it wasn't like, oh, this guy's a sponsor on your show or anything. It was just like, this guy's got his own business and he made a really funny video and you should check it out. And I always had that thing too. Like, Jay, who would Sit on my computer all day allegedly doing work and go, hey, check this one out. And then I'd go like, how'd you find that, right? Putting phone numbers in my phone book. That didn't. Yeah. All right. Dollar Shave Club. Yeah. Razors. Pain in the arsenal. 50 different brands, models, all the bullshit features. Who wants to deal with it? Do what I do. DollarShaveClub.com Adam, get high quality razors delivered to your door for just a couple bucks a month. And as I've said, imagine if you could just pay a couple bucks a month and just start checking things off a list. Just, just all the little minutia of life that you have to kind of deal with and slows you down and all. And by the way, takes up just as much time as the good stuff and the creative stuff and the smart stuff. It's just, you have to do it. This is one of those things. Just check it off. High quality razors, 100% guaranteed. Sent on schedule. Never think about it again. Free up your mind to create, man. Soar like an eagle. Can't be down there with all those messy cartridges and handles that don't match. DollarShaveClub.com Adam, try it out. You will never pay for razors again. That's right. Try it out. You just might. You just might not ever pay again. That's dollarshaveclub.com Adam, you can check out this video. I think we'll put it [e-mail] or YouTube. But yeah, this is what Jay showed me from like, I don't know, three years ago. Just thought it was funny.

[Michael Dubin]

Hi, I'm Mike, founder of DollarShaveClub.com. what is DollarShaveClub.com? well, for a dollar a month, we send high quality razors right to your door.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a dollar.

[Michael Dubin]

Are the blades any good? No, Our blades are f ing great. Each razor has stainless steel blades, an aloe vera lubricating strip, and a pivot head. It's so gentle a toddler could use it. And do you like spending $20 a month on brand name razors? 19 go to Roger Federer. I'm good at tennis. And do you think your razor needs a vibrating handle, a flashlight, a back scratcher and 10 blades? Your handsome ass grandfather had one blade and polio.

[Adam Carolla]

Looking good. Pop up.

[Michael Dubin]

Stop paying for shave tech you don't need. And stop forgetting to buy your blades every month.

[Adam Carolla]

Alejandra and I are going to ship

[Brian Bishop]

them right to you.

[Michael Dubin]

We're not just selling, we're also making New jobs. Alejandra, what were you doing last month?

[Brian Bishop]

Not working.

[Michael Dubin]

What are you doing now?

[Brian Bishop]

Working.

[Michael Dubin]

I'm no Vanderbilt, but this train makes hay. Stop forgetting to buy your blades every month and start deciding where you're gonna stack all those dollar bills. I'm saving you. We are dollarshaveclub.com and the party is on.

[Adam Carolla]

I look who I am. I look. Yep, it is a funny spot. And like I said, so funny. Assistant J showed me that at least two and a half, three years ago. All right, we will take ourselves a little break. We got some news. We got Michael Dubin. We'll talk all about his business and how it all works right after this. The Adam Carolla show honors journalistic excellence with another great moment in local news. A local Chihuahua survives a coyote attack. Hear how Sophie is doing? We'll have the details for you at six. The spirit of Murrow and Cronkite live on. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show. Oh, wait a minute. I just had a great idea. So service Coyote could have eaten Carrie Fisher's dog today over at the Family Guy.

[Brian Bishop]

It would have. They're vicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Move over, Gilligan, my service pelican. I'm gonna travel with Gilligan, my service and my coyote.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, we got a name.

[Adam Carolla]

Wiley. Wile E. Coyote. Michael Dubin here, he invented a little something called the dollarshaveclub.com. good to see you, Michael.

[Michael Dubin]

Thanks for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Like I said, I was a fan of your fun, low budget video. That was, I guess, three years ago. When did that hit the YouTube?

[Michael Dubin]

Actually, just about a year ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Where the hell was a year ago?

[Michael Dubin]

Yeah, yeah. March 6, 2012. We launched it.

[Adam Carolla]

Why was Jay.

[Allison Rosen]

Michael, I'm sorry, We don't disagree with Adam in this room or anywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Michael Dubin]

It was three years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Jay was my assistant and he showed it to me. No, no, he showed it to me.

[Allison Rosen]

You must be wrong about your company, Mike.

[Adam Carolla]

No. It's gotta be longer than that video. The video that I saw.

[Michael Dubin]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Was there a video before that? A different one?

[Michael Dubin]

There was not. There was no video.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the only video.

[Michael Dubin]

That's the only video to date.

[Brian Bishop]

And Jay wasn't working for you a year ago.

[Adam Carolla]

It has no. Maybe 9 million. Oh, almost 10 million.

[Allison Rosen]

You're probably thinking of $2 Shave Club, which obviously was a poor shit that

[Michael Dubin]

we stole the idea from. Yeah, that's where we got the idea.

[Allison Rosen]

They didn't last long once these guys came around.

[Michael Dubin]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Jay. Oh, so Jay was around. Oh, okay. Well, maybe Jay was around.

[Brian Bishop]

You are right.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It turns out you're right. And it is exactly March. March 6th. It's almost exactly a year ago. Anyway, we'll, we'll still get to the bottom. I'm still going to look into this. We'll agree to disagree. Agree to disagree right now. Gotta fire my guys on there. So how did it start for you?

[Michael Dubin]

So I met my co founder at a cocktail party. It's my friend's fiance's father. He's a 60 year old guy, he's from South Africa. We got on the subject of shaving, I don't know how, I don't know why. And he was a guy who knew where we could make some affordable razors overseas. And that's where the idea was born. You know, if you ask most guys how they feel about shaving, I don't know why you'd ask that question. But they'll tell you they're frustrated with two things, the price and going to the store to buy them. You got to park your car, you got to find that locked razor fortress. It's always, it's always, you know, the guy with the key is always texting his girlfriend and the whole thing is primitive. So I thought that that was a great opportunity for us to build a brand and make guys lives easier.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's fun that you guys had sense humor about it. And you know, it is one of these things. It's sort of like gasoline in that the razor's a razor and gasoline is sort of gasoline. You get hooked on your brand. Like you go, I want the 76 over the Arco, but your car doesn't really know the difference and your chin doesn't really know the difference. And I have the ones that have flashlights in them and vibrate and stuff like that. But ultimately all I want is to handle the match the goddamn cartridge. And I can never figure it out because I will bring. Well now I have the Dollar Shave club. I don't worry about it. But I used to bring the handles with me to the market or to the, to the store to get the drugstore. And then I'd want to get the generic brands because I don't want to pay like 26 bucks for the five blade, whatever and it's not worth it. And the generic, whether it's aspirin or shave cartridges, it's all the same shit. But I couldn't tell if my handle matched up the thing. And it was locked up in the cage. It's one of those great living in la, things where you have to. And then when you lift it up, the alarm would go off. It'd either be locked in the cage, or they'd have the alarm go off when you got it and just realize what a goddamn pain in the ass.

[Michael Dubin]

Yeah, it's pretty primitive.

[Adam Carolla]

And the thing about shaving is. Shaving's already a pain in the ass.

[Michael Dubin]

Yes, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I could take a pill and never shave again.

[Michael Dubin]

Have you thought about waxing? Waxing the face?

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta tell you, one time somebody said to me, oh, oh, no, I got a laser. Once I got the laser that's right on your face. Bikini line.

[Michael Dubin]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I get ingrown hairs on my neck. I have the hair. I have the beard of a black man. It grows curly. And somebody said, if you get the laser and you get it on your neck, then the hairs will just fall out and they won't grow back. Let me tell you something about this laser. There should be a class action suit against Joe Laser that I've never, ever done it then.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of women have.

[Adam Carolla]

People do this. Ten years ago was, hey, you want that tattoo removed? Go get the lasered off. You want your bikini line straight up, go get your laser. You want to look 20 years younger, get it lasered off. You have a palp, a cyst or whatever on your colon, grab the lasers. Like, turns out they don't work for shit. You'd be better off getting your. Your tattoo removed. A fucking eraser?

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean it, like in prison. Like, the guys who've done the laser, like, how's it looking? I can still see it. Well, I've been in for 26. 26 times I've been the laser, and it's fucking painful. Yes, it sucks.

[Michael Dubin]

My hairdresser tried to get me to wax my nose hair. She tried to wax my nose hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that'll make you cry.

[Michael Dubin]

She took these two toothpicks or depression sticks, and she put them in my nose. She squeezed my nostrils shut. And then about five minutes later, she yanked them out. And these things looked like wire scrub brushes on the other end. And I got sick afterwards because it was.

[Brian Bishop]

Did it hurt like hell, too?

[Michael Dubin]

Yeah, it really hurt. Well, it didn't hurt as bad as you think. It might, as I've heard it is to get waxed in other areas of your body, which I probably would never do, but I got sick afterwards because you need your nose hair, apparently, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you got sick.

[Michael Dubin]

I got sick because she took out all my nose hair and like all the stuff that your nose hair prevents from getting into your brain. Got into my brain. And so I had, like, a lung infection and a sinus infection for two weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me just say this. Nature knows what they're doing. Mother Nature, by the way. God can be a dude if nature's a mom. Do you know what I mean? I mean, no one ever goes, he or she, Nature, right? They just go, mother Nature. You don't see all the dudes whining and bellyaching about that. We never try to, you know, swap a cock out there.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's always Father Time.

[Adam Carolla]

Father Time. You guys are cool with that? All right, sure.

[Michael Dubin]

So the lesson is don't improvise.

[Adam Carolla]

The problem is, like, don't. We're now, basically, we've decided that things that are in us genetically aren't attractive. So we're going to start removing them, and there'll be consequences to that. I'm sure there's hair in your ear for a reason. I'm sure there's hair in your nose for a reason. I'm not sure why I have hair between my two eyebrows, but I'm sure it's there for a reason. And we've decided. I've really been studying this lately. Everybody, for instance, everyone has their teeth capped. Everyone has their teeth whitened. Everyone's getting all these fucking procedures done. And then everything just being relative, you're at a disadvantage. Unless you have had your nose fixed, your teeth capped, your shit done, you're just. That. That's all. That's all it is. It's really who you're standing next to.

[Allison Rosen]

You just described the whole steroids era of baseball.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. It is. Your deal is, if you want to compete in a league where other guys are juicing, then you must juice. Ask all the guys that got beat by Lance Armstrong on every Tour de France, if you want to beat that guy, then you're going to have to do it as well. And I've said it a million times, I didn't need to have my teeth whitened until I did a TV show and sat in between two people who did have their teeth whitened. And now I need my fucking teeth whitened. Can we just have some sort of moratorium on yanking hair and whitening teeth and everything and just go, fuck it, we're going caveman. Not with the beard. We need to shit.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I was thinking as a secret scourge? Foods that are so white that if you happen to have any stuck in your teeth, it makes Them look sun yellow. I'm looking at you, string cheese.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm talking to you, Jicama. You hear me talking? That's right. Yeah. Yeah. That's controversial, but interesting. Yeah, Carry on, Michael.

[Michael Dubin]

Well, I was just gonna tell you that I think you should not, you know, give in to the pressures of, you know, the cosmetic industry. But there's nothing wrong with burning a wart off your arm if you have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, look, I see people walking around with that weird thing on their face. It's growing, like, three hairs that are nine inches long now, and you're like, buddy, what's up with that thing? And how come that hasn't been scraped off?

[Michael Dubin]

If it's a distraction, you got to get rid of it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. It's pulling focus. That's what I'm saying. So now the business is. How big? How great is it doing?

[Michael Dubin]

Talk about it. But we're doing very well. I have a board of directors now, so it's a bit. Things are a bit different from when I started the business in my apartment. Now I have people that tell me what I can and can't say in

[Adam Carolla]

terms of our success, but it's what people have responded. They want this.

[Michael Dubin]

Yes, absolutely. The response has been very positive. Our membership is very engaged. They tell us all the time what they want next and how we can improve and. And that's really rewarding to think that an idea that was born at a cocktail party and that something that I built out of my apartment and put my life savings into now has so many members that care about it and want us to succeed.

[Adam Carolla]

And maybe you're playing it close to the vest, but you have to. The man with an entrepreneurial spirit and a very nicely shaved chin like yourself. Go on. Must have ideas about other things.

[Michael Dubin]

I do. I do. And, you know, it's. We've got some very exciting stuff coming up next week, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Michael Dubin]

So stay tuned. It's not something that I can talk about just yet, but, you know, our goal at DSC is really to, you know, to make your life easier.

[Adam Carolla]

And we're talking international, too, Right.

[Michael Dubin]

We're in Canada and Australia right now as well. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, hang with us. Let's do a little news, shall we? Allison Rosen and Michael Dubin, you just crack wise.

[Michael Dubin]

I'm excited to hear the news. I haven't. Haven't watched the news or read the news lately.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you get ready.

[Adam Carolla]

Mainly me complaining about you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip. It's Allison. Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

So a bunch of documents and warrants related to the Adam Lanza case came out today. And now we know a little more about what was found at the school and at his house. And basically it's just pages upon pages detailing the ammo and the guns that were found there.

[Allison Rosen]

Is he the Arizona guy?

[Brian Bishop]

No, but also stuff relating to Jared Loughner.

[Adam Carolla]

We're looking at the Arizona guy, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You have the wrong guy up there. Yeah, he's the movie theater guy.

[Michael Dubin]

No, he's the Connecticut guy.

[Adam Carolla]

He's the Connecticut guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, this is Adam Lanza is the Newtown guy. There's also stuff with Jared Loughner came out.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Brian Bishop]

But I'm talking about Lanza right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's kill all of them and let's at least let's do this. If we can use these guys for any good, let's do this. Let's find. I'll guarantee these guys, and it varies, but I'll guarantee that the guys that are in custody have the over under on marital proposals they've received is probably 13 to 1500, probably in that range Right now I just want to go ahead and find all the return addresses on the merit marital proposals. And I want to go to their home with the Child Protective Services and I want to see if they have a child because I'll bet you there's a single mom there somewhere. And I'm going to have that child removed from the home. That is going to be the little. The way I can turn this frown upside down. That is going to be the light at the end of this tragic tunnel.

[Allison Rosen]

That's your silver lining.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll be the one good thing that comes of this. Either way, I'd like them killed. But if we're going to keep them alive, these guys are gonna spend the rest of their life in the joint, by the way, fielding marital proposals. That's how our society is. I'm serious. Do you think. Do you think they've gotten him already?

[Brian Bishop]

Loughner will spend the rest of his life in jail because he cannot get the death penalty because it was part of a plea deal. And then Lanza is dead.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you doing? Ratting out your roommate or something like the plea part.

[Brian Bishop]

In exchange for, I believe, entering a guilty plea, he can't get the death penalties off the table.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but I don't understand. Why would you take something off the table that doesn't need to be removed from the table? You know, I mean, I understand when they want you to drop a dime and you want to pay.

[Brian Bishop]

I would guess to hasten the process.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but it's like, all right, we hold all the cards here. There's no. Like you. I understand you want to get Al Capone indicted and you've got information on him, but you killed Lucky so and so. But we're going to drop that charge and turn that into manslaughter so you can go ahead and drop a dime on Al Capone, but this is just you crazy person shot a bunch of people, everyone knows it. Let's just go ahead and kill you, because again, it'll be a lifetime of I'm going to write a book and I'm going to write a song and I'm going to collaborate with one of the. One of the Beach Boys. And again, eventually getting married and possibly having kids. Look, I've said it once, said a million times, everyone just thinks I'm a fucking maniac. Tex Watson, four kids. Four from the fucking joint. Not. Not four Charles Manson's. The guy did. The guy did the real work was Tex. I mean, the ladies in. Tex did the work. Charlie just kind of hung out at the ranch and tuned up his acoustic guitar while they were going out to the Tate and LaBianca house and doing the work. Like, Tex got in the car, got the chicks in the car, got behind the wheel, drove up, turned the key

[Allison Rosen]

in the ignition, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Looked left, right, then left again, put his indicator on and drove.

[Allison Rosen]

You get the idea?

[Adam Carolla]

You get the idea? He did all the fucking butchering. That guy. That guy, I don't think had kids before the butchering, but after he was sent to prison. And you guys can look this up, he had at least three or four kids from inside the joint. Imagine if that LaBianca family who was just sort of randomly picked out, that's just your aunt, uncle, grandparents, parents, whatever. The guy who slaughtered them and tortured and kept the chick alive and all that kind of stuff did that. He had four kids from inside prison. Four.

[Michael Dubin]

With other inmates or with folks from outside.

[Adam Carolla]

Outside brought him in, got married, had conjugal visits.

[Brian Bishop]

He's traditional in that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. They call them old fashioned Tex. That's right. So is that. That, that, that's really. That's really what we want. That's the society we want. That's the legacy. Tex Watson has four fucking kids. Four kids walking the fucking planet now, probably in their 30s. There you go. Got that DNA coursing through him. That's awesome. Oh, and not only his DNA. The fucking crazy broad had thought it'd be a good idea to fuck Tex Watson and get married to him in a trailer in prison. All from the same woman. They're divorced, 2003.

[Brian Bishop]

What, she thought she could do better?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who's getting custody of the cot? Jesus fucking Christ.

[Brian Bishop]

They gotta sell it and sell the proceeds with Loughner. Okay, so we know stuff now about Lanza, Newtown shooter and Loughner, Arizona shooter with Loughner. It turns out that earlier that day he ran a red light and was pulled over. And the guy, the Arizona Game and Fish officer, that's who pulled him over, said to him, it's bad for your health. You're going to kill somebody, you're going to kill yourself. But then he said, what do you

[Adam Carolla]

say when you get pulled over by the Fish and Game guy?

[Brian Bishop]

I know?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, what's the matter? No one poaching any trout, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Actually, no, it's not trout season, so that's impossible.

[Adam Carolla]

So no beavers building any dams for you to bust?

[Allison Rosen]

Actually, it's one of the male beavers who build dams. The females, actually. The point is, you were speeding.

[Brian Bishop]

So he said, I'm not gonna write you a citation for this. And then when that happened, Loughner's face kind of screwed up and he began to cry. And the officer said it struck him as a little odd. So I. So I asked him if he was okay, and he said, yeah, I'm okay. I've just had a rough time and I really thought I was gonna get a ticket. And I'm really glad that you're not.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

So we asked him a bunch of times if he was okay, he would

[Adam Carolla]

not make it in the lapd because first off, there's no such thing as a warning, sir. What I need to do for me right now is go ahead and produce life stretch game for him right now. Sir, those tears come from your eye. Sir, those tears appear to be a threat. I'm go ahead and proud, ask you to step away from your tears. Sir, I need you for me right now to real quick, go ahead and step away from your tears, okay? For me right now. All right, Sir, I'm pepper spraying you right now, okay? Right now. And I know that will. That will bring on more tears, but, sir. Hold on. I'm calling for backup. Let's go ahead and unload a clip into this guy. I'm gonna need you to go ahead and by the way, before we shoot you, go ahead and sign the citation, sir. Thank you. You have a good day now, now. And Then I got a real specific good day the other day. I had a great Monday. You know that I kind of like that person. I did. O'reilly. And I was leaving the studio and that the cute chick behind the counter went, have a great Monday. I was like, hey, it's Monday.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a real commitment to knowing what day of the week it is. I would pause first.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

If I were saying that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She'd been practicing. Evidently she said it a few times all day.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That's nice. Okay, now moving on back to Lanza. It's weird timing that all these documents for both cases are coming out at the same time. It's hard to keep the killer straight. Some of the things people are talking about that were found there. This was found at his. The house that he shared with his mother. Three photographs with images of what appears to be a deceased human covered with plastic and what appears to be blood.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I do feel like you could go through almost anyone's desk drawer, underwear drawer, and find something that sounded kind of weird and damning. Just about any teenager.

[Brian Bishop]

Look me in the eye. My life with Asperger's. Born on a blue day. Inside the mind of an autistic savant. The NRA guide to basics of pistol shooting. And train your brain to get happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Are those mom's books or his books?

[Brian Bishop]

It's not clear his name.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the deal with his mom knowing how severely fucked up he was.

[Brian Bishop]

And a holiday card with a check from his mom to him. And it's specifically for the purchase of a C183 firearm. Although I read that's actually that they. It was. I think it's a CZ 83.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the she wrote on the memo?

[Brian Bishop]

It was a gift certificate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the chat wasn't a check, was a gift certificate.

[Brian Bishop]

This is. This is what. What the article says. Holiday card with a check from Nancy Lanza to Adam Lanza for purchase of C1A3 firearm. It's been referred to as a gift certificate for this.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. All right, so mama who got shot first, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, in the forehead, no struggle.

[Adam Carolla]

But wasn't like her last words is what took you so long? I mean, seriously, severely crazy, depressed all over the road emotionally kid. Emotional kid who you like to take out to gun ranges. The range every other weekend.

[Brian Bishop]

He had a gun locker in his room.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. I mean, honestly, like you had to. You did not know this was coming. Did not know about this. All right, here's my take on all this. Stuff I wish we could remove guns from this society. I just don't think we can. And the other thing I know we can't remove is crazy people. So we have this problem with a whole shitload of guns, and then we got a whole shitload of crazy people. And for me, it all comes down to the same thing education comes down to and crime and everything else. Parents, first line of defense. Your kid's nutty and he's got guns that's on you. And especially if you're training the kid to use a gun that's on you. And it's probably going to be in you in the form of a bullet. And there's a weird part of me that's sort of glad he put the first one in her, because she's essentially, if not allowed it to happen, the Frankenstein of this scenario. Certainly all the training and just the fact that she had these accessible to him.

[Brian Bishop]

And like, what. How kind of house was this? They also had a metal bayonet, three samurai swords. I mean, I could, I could. It would take 20 minutes for me to read all the weapons they had in this house and all the tactical gear they had. Yes, they were plan. I mean, not planning, but they were prepared for some shit to go down.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she obviously had.

[Brian Bishop]

I think she was a survivalist.

[Adam Carolla]

There were things going on. Nice job.

[Michael Dubin]

Hey, was there no father?

[Adam Carolla]

She was around, but not in the house.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. He had recently remarried.

[Adam Carolla]

Survivalists like good news and bad news. Good news is you have a three year supply of garbanzo beans in a bunker in your backyard. Bad news is you're about to get shot in the head.

[Allison Rosen]

And they had a high garbanzo beans

[Adam Carolla]

Those last you three to five years. Unfortunately, I only have about 11 minutes left. Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

And they had a high Sierra fanny pack. I don't know what that is, but I feel like if anything were to happen to me more than saying to someone like, ditch my diary and whatever sex toy you find, I'd say get destroy the fanny pack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Let's not leave that embarrassing legacy.

[Brian Bishop]

Moving on. Obama has named the first woman ever to be director of the Secret Service.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome. I'm a little over the first woman. First African American, first Hispanic. Now that we have a black president, kind of like, all right, so we got a chick doing this. You know what I mean? Bloom's off the rose.

[Brian Bishop]

But in terms of being the head of the Secret Service, do you feel like this is something that a chick can do?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. But we gotta understand the women you Know, the Janet Reno's and I'm looking at her or whatever. These are chicks, technically, but they're. These are. You know what I mean? They're wired like dudes.

[Michael Dubin]

If it happens in a movie first, like that. The woman in the Bourne movies. If it happens in the movies first, it makes it okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Joan Allen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. And also, you know, you know, as far as protecting the president, that's. That's all tactical. I mean, that's not a. That's not like. How much do you squat?

[Allison Rosen]

She's not strapping on the bulletproof vest. She's drawing up the orders for the Secret Service agents.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would imagine.

[Brian Bishop]

Would you enjoy having Secret Service or do you think it'd be a pain in the ass? Every movie about the first daughter suggests a lot of hijinks happen.

[Michael Dubin]

I think it'd be fun to try to ditch the Secret Service. That would be fun. Having a parent that you can always rebel against.

[Adam Carolla]

If they didn't cough during my backswing. I think he's cool, though. Other than that. Yeah. That guy'd have to get off the detail.

[Brian Bishop]

A toddler in Georgia was mauled to death by the family's seven pit bulls.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

And everyone was home at the time. The grandmother was watching the daughter and I mean, it's. It's awful. She heard a commotion and looked out the window.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. That's not the Florida. I know, I know.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Georgia.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Georgia.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, now it makes sense. The room was spinning. Georgia. All right, do we have any. Any names, anything like that? What do we got?

[Brian Bishop]

They're white.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm just looking for names, you

[Brian Bishop]

know, Monica Renee Laminac was the child.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a. I think we have a leader in the clubhouse for the. Definitely not a Jew.

[Brian Bishop]

Michelle McIntyre was the grandmother and Edith Steinwitz was the mother. It would have been funnier if I got there faster.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. A little faster. Yeah. Sad, tragic.

[Brian Bishop]

And so all seven dogs were put down. Really euthanized at the house and. But there were two dogs that weren't involved in it and they were spared. And again, it makes me feel like the world's worst person. But I feel sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel bad for all the seven dogs.

[Michael Dubin]

Well, we don't know what the dog.

[Brian Bishop]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

Could have tugged the ear.

[Brian Bishop]

They said that the mother or, I don't know, someone from the family spoke to the press and said that the. She used to use the dogs as pillows when they would watch tv. And the dogs had never been Aggressive. My thing is, don't have seven pit bulls because they're gonna. They're gonna turn into a pack.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the thing about. Here's the thing about. Yeah, the thing about animals, aggressive animals, they're not aggressive all the time. Just like people who stab people, they don't spend the better part of every day stabbing.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they make it count.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They pick and choose their moments. Like, and I don't care whether you're the guy who goes up to the bell tower and starts shooting, shooting coeds, or you're the guy who's just setting hobos on fire. It's not like all day, every day. It's not like that guy's going, oh, my fucking back's killing me from setting hobos on fire. My stabbing arms all fucking shot to shit. Like, they do a little bit of it, but when they do it, it's kind of game on. And the thing with the. Like, whether it's the pit bulls or the lions, the lion's cool nine times out of ten. But it's just that one time.

[Michael Dubin]

You sit on his paw.

[Adam Carolla]

You sit on his paw, or he just. He's having bad, bad day. Maybe it's mite all day. And that fucking lion comes and does a little. And the problem is with animals, they don't really have a dimmer switch. You know what I mean? They just kind of flip that switch on. And so you got your pet python or your pit bulls or your lion you work over at the lion place. That saves, by the way, that part where you're getting eaten by a lion, by a lion rescue place. Like, I'd be like, you got a hell of a lot of nerve, Kimba. Jesus Christ. I weren't gonna fuck. I fucking donate my goddamn time. Read the sign. I donate my time at the lion rescue place, and you repay me by eating me. Well, that's a fine how do you do?

[Michael Dubin]

Yeah, there's still some part of you that makes you think that you could reach the animal and make a difference. Like, I believe that if the lion were there, then somehow I could reach that lion.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Michael Dubin]

And make it be nice to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Throw a through a cage.

[Michael Dubin]

And people think that, and that's the end.

[Adam Carolla]

And so the thing about certain dogs is, certain dogs, they do have a switch. Like, it's. It's in them, you know? I mean, labs don't really have that switch, but pit bulls kind of have that switch. And if it gets thrown, it gets thrown. And that's why you can't have Those fucking dogs. When you have what, two year olds?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, she would have been too. And. Well, do you. And do you think that having seven of them though is worse than one? I mean, I guess one can do a lot of damage, but seven can do seven times that.

[Adam Carolla]

I just know that when you're sane and you have a kid, you get rid of whatever said pet that can eat your kid, whether it's the snake or the dog, whatever it is, the kid takes priority and he can't take a chance on that anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

And also this is nine dogs and four generations in one house. It was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh boy. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

If you have the seven or nine dog, whatever it is, a huge pack of dogs, it's either because you love the dogs so much or it's home security. Right. It's to protect your property.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it analogous, There's a question. Is it analogous to having guns in the house and the toddler gets into the gun and shoots themselves? Is it an. It's not the same thing, obviously, but is it analogous? Is it a similar thing?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, that's a.

[Allison Rosen]

Ultimate in home safety. This is if you want the kid to not die this way, you probably shouldn't have fill in the blank in the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, except for their gun safes and there's no dog safes, you know, I mean there's a trunk of the car.

[Allison Rosen]

Of course there is a safe way to have seven dogs. Maybe have a pen for them or have their own.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying it's analogous. No, listen, if they're a safe way to have guns, it's the same, it's. Look, if you have a samurai, samurai sword for protection, you have to keep it out of the kid's reach. And if you have a gun, you have to keep it out of the kid's reach. And if you have a pit bull, you have to keep it out of the kids reach.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you ever had this experience? I don't know if you guys have any level of fear of big dogs at all, but have you ever had the experience of. I'm a little bit nervous, but they smell fear. But how can I mask it? Because it's making me more afraid to be thinking they smell fear. That's like something I remember as from being little.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a dog that lived. I had the world's worst neighbors when I was in high school. They went on to rob supermarkets and stuff like that. But they were the shittiest little kids ever. And it was kind of a perfect example of mama just spoiled them and let Them do whatever they wanted and they could never do any wrong. And they were just little fucking little mischief makers. And I'm being nice when I say that. And they had a dog and their dog was named Moon. And Moon was an African whatever. Like part dingo. Kind of crazy motherfucking greasy. You know when dogs get oily. And this dog was blue. It was like blue and oily and it was fucking. Sounds like a porpoise maniac. And these guys, they were such a fucking horrible family that they would just let the dog run free. It was before everyone sued everyone for everything all the time. And the dog. You know, people ride their bikes down the street and the dog would be chasing them down the street. And people would be walking down the street. The dog would be coming after them all the time. And I was walking home. And me and Moon squared off one day. And I had this mindset somehow when I was 15 that if I could. If you made yourself big now again. I always laugh about it. You know that part where the grizzly's attacking you and trying to make yourself big. The Grizzlies 1400 pounds. I'm 192. So I'm going to balloon up to 210. They still have 1000 pounds on me. And I think the grizzly is going to do that. That super little thing in front of me got a little bit bigger by the way. More eaten. Like I plumped up. There's more meat on that bone. Yeah. Like I think I'm going to be more enticing to the bear by making myself.

[Michael Dubin]

What are the rules? You know, I think I don't know the rules. Are you supposed to get big with the bear or are you supposed to play dead with the bear? And what are you supposed to do with the lion? One you get real angry at it and the other one you play dead. I feel like these are things men should know.

[Adam Carolla]

The playing dead part seems like it's gonna turn into a reoccurring role pretty quick to me.

[Brian Bishop]

The role you were born to play.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. He died doing what he loved. Pretending he was dead. Yeah. The playing dead thing I don't think is possible. Because if that fucking 1300 pound beast with the claws that stuck out 4 inches came sniffing around and pushing me. There's no way I'm just going to fucking lay there and be silent while that thing starts kicking me around like a hacky sack. There's no way. The being big part, I think that's your plan, you know, defecating on yourself is always a fine option. And as far as the defecation goes, I don't know how good your arm is, but there's what you call plan C. But I decided that with this dog, Moon, and this dog Moon only won about 35, maybe 40 pounds, like a medium sized dog, I could make myself big. And I fucking get this dog, Moon. And I was walking down the street and Moon came after me and I did the. And I like on my feet, you know, arms up. And I was doing the. I was doing like a kind of linebacker stance with him, you know. And Moon did something that scared me very quickly. First move I did at Moon, Moon took like three steps backwards, but then started creeping forward, like at me again. And then the next move I did, Moon took like one step backward and then kept creeping forward. And I realized Moon was bridging this gap. The big move and the hands flying out and the big shout was good, but the margins kept getting tighter. Moon would take like half step and start walking after me.

[Brian Bishop]

Moon was overcoming its fear.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Moon was doing what you said to do. And it got over me. And then at a certain point, Moon lunged at me.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, geez.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was the weirdest thing in the world. I have really, really good balance. He lunged at me, I jumped back. He grabbed my bell bottom like, he grabbed like my pant leg. Well, it wasn't secret fact, it wasn't a bell bottom, but he grabbed the bottom of my platform shoes, flares. Listen, if I was a mod, he wouldn't have got me. He grabbed my pant leg as I was jumping back, grabbed it and yanked it with him. And I landed on my ass in the middle of the street. And I was like, saw my 14 and a half year old life. Just scenes of me masturbating in the shower, but they all flashed by me at the same time. And I was like, I'm going to be eaten by Moon in front of my house in the street now. And that seemed to be enough for Moon.

[Brian Bishop]

Like Moon was just playing, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I think his domination of me was enough, enough for him. He just turned his anus around and walked it. Walked it home. But yeah, that's the only time I really squared off with it with a crazed, crazed dog and didn't work.

[Allison Rosen]

You both knew who was boss after that.

[Brian Bishop]

Michael ever been attacked by a dog?

[Michael Dubin]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Michael Dubin]

We had cats growing up. Always stray cats that would, would scratch you. And that was about it. That was the worst of it for us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How about the cat? My Grandma had a few. One of these. They come up, they rub the leg. They rub the leg. They rub the shin. They rub the shin. And then when you reach down, they give you the fucking paw. Like, come on. Which is it, bitch?

[Michael Dubin]

They don't need you.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't need me. Next time you get nothing, you get in the knee.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, in honor of Easter, here's a list of a ranking. The ultimate ranking of Easter candy. And there's a. From worst to best. There's a lot on the list.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. I gotta emotionally prepare here, because I know there's gonna be one of these things. It's just gonna piss me off.

[Brian Bishop]

There's 17.

[Allison Rosen]

Where's this list from?

[Brian Bishop]

From the Internet. It's from the New York Times annual Easter candy ranking list. Do you want me to read all 17 or you want me to just catch the chase?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what. Number one has to be, okay? Number one has to be the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Egg, because that's the fucking best thing that ever came out of a rabbit's ass.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not. I mean, I agree with you, but they have put that at number nine.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, whoa. All right.

[Michael Dubin]

It would have been too obvious.

[Adam Carolla]

I just want to hear the eight that are better. Starting at eight, I got to hear the eight.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, but. I have. But. But Cadbury Creme egg is number 11. I thought that would have ranked higher.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good, but it's homoerotic. You know, it's a. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Did it get all over your face or something?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't swallow.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't taste it. And then spits it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. It's. You don't know what to do with it because it's like. You know, it's weird. It's Sexually, it's weird to me.

[Brian Bishop]

But imagine if someone could ejaculate Cadbury Cream.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that'd be cool. Or just a peanut butter. Let's put it this way. If you're at a party and you saw a chick just downing those Cadbury Creams and, like, no gag reflex, no nothing, just swallowing one of those. Yeah. Open for business.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Eminem's Easter egg is number eight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, you used to do a killer Easter egg. See's Candy. Remember when See's Candy did the single big Easter egg?

[Allison Rosen]

Solid one up the Hallmark?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I never got one of those, but my friend got one, and it was on his. It was on his stoop, like, outside. And it was. Living room window was sitting there just in. This is, like, in July or August. And there was only half eaten. I fucking killed that thing. I ate it like, four months later.

[Brian Bishop]

Daniel's proposal to me involved a trip to sea. He was trying to get me down to Corona del Mar, where we had gone on our first date. And he had to come up with some reason that we had to be in that area. And so my mom texted me, could I pick up something at seas? And here's the thing. I had to pee, like, one more than I've ever had to pee, which really put a damper in the romance of it all.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

And he was. I was like, my mom wants me to do this. Like, you know, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, oh, you know, it'll be no problem. It'll be fast. Everyone assured me, because I was really putting. I was resisting this SEAS trip. And everyone kept saying, oh, it'll be super fast. You know what's not a fast place in the world? Seas candy. Because there's 29 old ladies in front of you who have a lot of questions about everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Never go to seas if you need to pee.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but that is some damn good chocolate.

[Brian Bishop]

It is good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so Snickers egg number seven.

[Michael Dubin]

Is that a thing? I've never even seen that.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Allison Rosen]

Cadbury creme egg.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Snickers egg. All right. That's better than the peanut. Better than the Reese's Egg. No, Peeps is number one.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm gonna throw that mini iPad across the room.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, keep going.

[Brian Bishop]

Dove Ch. I mean, I don't know. Dove Chocolate Easter eggs. Number six. Crunch Chocolate Easter nests. Number five. Peeps are number four.

[Adam Carolla]

Peeps suck. Right? I mean, they're just marshmallows, like, shaped like a. All right. They have a real sugar flavor every single time. They do.

[Allison Rosen]

Pastels are sugar.

[Michael Dubin]

Peeps are like Christmas decorations. They keep showing up earlier in the year now. Like, I saw peeps in January this year.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. All right, here's the problem. And I say it all the time. They do these lists. You get something like the Reese's peanut butter egg, and you get it ranked down, way down below something that sucks. And now the list is null and void because you have something that stinks much higher. It's the same way I said it all the time. Who's the chick who's on the COVID of Sports Illustrated?

[Allison Rosen]

Kate Upton.

[Adam Carolla]

Kate Upton. You got Kate Upton. And then you do those fucking things where they do the hey, hottest chicks in America and Mila kunis is number four and Kate Upton's number 29. And you go, no fucking what now? The list is. You fucked the list up. It only works just right with chicks and Easter eggs. God damn it. I know, but I'm saying when you do. I love cars. And when they do. Car list, there's no such thing. Is the Lamborghini Murcielago not being quite as good as the Ford Taurus Sho. Like, it's like not. No, no. Doesn't exist. Those lists, you can argue a little bit on a couple of the top two if they can be swapped out or something, but it's pretty much just right on down the line. And whenever they do this, it fucking pisses me off. All right, now I'm going to be really mad.

[Brian Bishop]

Cadbury mini eggs, number three. Those are pretty good. I mean, maybe not number three, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Are they cream filled like the big ones?

[Brian Bishop]

No, they're just chocolate.

[Michael Dubin]

How many Cad. How many Cadbury's in the top five there?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who made this? Yeah, Michael's thinking like a businessman.

[Brian Bishop]

Russell Stover, chocolate bunny, number two. Everyone knows Russ, you really.

[Michael Dubin]

Yeah, those are good.

[Brian Bishop]

I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never had the chocolate bunny seize egg. Not in the top 17.

[Brian Bishop]

Get this. It's not. I get this. Number one, Starburst jelly beans. I don't even know if I've had them before, but I don't think I like them.

[Michael Dubin]

It's a jelly bean lobby.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's big jelly bean. Big bean.

[Adam Carolla]

That's big bean for you. Somebody's walking around Washington with a big sack of jelly beans right now. Big trunk full of jelly beans. Like someone with like a snow shovel just putting them in there. Yeah, that's been bought and paid for by the jelly bean lobby. Fucking jelly beans for Easter. What the fuck? That's not even Easter candy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's the oddest thing.

[Brian Bishop]

And starbursts aren't even that good. So jelly beans that are starburst flavor. No, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say something about all these ass wipes that make horrible, horrible lists. Knock it off. You don't make any fucking sense at all. Like, talk to a normal person. Get three non retarded people in the fucking room to help you form this list. Is there any other human being that if you said jelly bean number one Easter candy that would go along with only Ronald Reagan.

[Brian Bishop]

And he's not here to say that's true. So wait, what did you put as number one?

[Adam Carolla]

I. Well, look, it's a cop out because it's the Reese's Peanut Butter egg that is essentially just a peanut butter cup shaped as an egg. But still on a technicality. It's the best thing in that basket that you're gonna put in your mouth.

[Michael Dubin]

I'll take the straight up hard boiled egg.

[Brian Bishop]

What? That's your favorite candy.

[Michael Dubin]

I prefer salty.

[Adam Carolla]

That's you. You don't go sweet. Alright, what do we got? One more.

[Brian Bishop]

Oscar Pistorius will be allowed to leave South Africa with conditions if he wants to compete. He's saying that he doesn't want to compete, but his lawyer argued for this so that he would have the option.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh, uh huh.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think he should be allowed to. He is in mourning.

[Adam Carolla]

He should have to do that pentathlon or whatever the one is where you ski and then you shoot. He would ski like have special leg skis made for him and then he'd get to shoot a little more and then he'd ski some more and then shoot some more.

[Michael Dubin]

Is he still doing the. I thought it was my, I thought it was an intruder thing.

[Adam Carolla]

You know the problem with that I thought it was an intruder thing is always like five bullets. You know, it seems like the one's enough is that you wait, honey.

[Brian Bishop]

And if you think there's someone in your house, why would you go shoot up the bathroom? Wouldn't you just get out?

[Adam Carolla]

I again, she was in the bathroom with the door shut.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And they had, they had been fighting before. I mean there's, there's all a whole bunch of evidence that would suggest this is not the case. But he says that he realized that there was a window open and so that means someone could have come in. And then he realized there was someone in the bathroom. So he felt vulnerable because he didn't have his legs on.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the, here's our problem and it's the world's problem. And I've said it a million times as it pertains to the law. We have this thing where everyone goes, yeah, I know he's guilty, he's guilty, he's guilty. But there's really nothing we can do about it because we don't have any proof that says what he was thinking when he was one. And there's no witness that had him saying we don't have forensic, blah blah blah. So everyone knows he's guilty, but he's just going to get manslaughter and he's going to do 18 months and blah blah blah. And we do that all the time. And my feeling is, hey, look, if we know he's guilty, then he's guilty. And that's good enough for me. I've said it a million times. It will come to be. You talked about these earlier. We talked about these other shooters and copying a plea and getting a sentence from capital punishment to life imprisonment and all that kind of stuff. Functional MRI machines and guilt. Can we get a lie detector? That is a world standard. Can we have all of the nations in the world, scientists, all come together and work on this? And people do that thing where they'll go, well, first off, our system. Well, what about our system? It's so awesome that favors rich white guys. It's so awesome that O.J. s running around. I mean, there's a lot of cases where our system fucking sucks. Our system's horrible. I mean, it's better than most, but it certainly doesn't have the world. It could be improved upon.

[Allison Rosen]

We're grading on a curve and everyone else in the class sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So what about our system, number one? Number two, ask the people who essentially pay for our system. It's not satisfying to see tens of millions of dollars tossed away on someone like OJ and then see him on the links over at Riviera, you know, a few months later. So my feeling is this. Let's get the fucking functional MRI stuff we got. We have made strides in the brain analysis department in the last five years. That are unbelievable. We didn't have any of this shit five, ten years ago. Brian, you're alive today because we have made strides.

[Caller/Euphasio]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

In that department. Well, let's take the world and let's get all the science, because this has a world application. This is Australia, right?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, it's South Africa.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, whatever. Same accent.

[Brian Bishop]

Same thing down there.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Michael Dubin]

Same hemisphere.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Whitey over there. Some hemisphere. So take it, use it, everyone. It'll be international standard. We'll have the scientists work on it for the next 10 years. They'll develop all the software and all of whatever. They'll do the case studies where they get everybody going through there. They'll make sure it affects men and women and rich and poor and fat and thin. It'll be all the same. And we'll get it all worked out, and then it'll get to like 99.996 or something, and that'll be fucking good enough for me.

[Michael Dubin]

Yeah, but you know what it would have to do. It would really have to prevent that case if somebody's really grilling You. And they're asking you if you did it or you didn't do it. Even if you didn't do it, if someone's grilling you. You know how sometimes you feel like you're lying even when you're telling the truth? Can. You'd have to prevent. Against that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, you'd have to have a whole bunch of things in place. You'd have to have a protocol. It'd have to be administered by someone who was, you know, a licensed whatever. There'd have to be some foreman who stood there, who made sure that everything was. All. The protocol was followed. And then it'd just be half a day. It'd just be, we're rolling you in. We're going to ask you five or six questions. Did you plan on shooting? Did you kill her? Did you really think there was an intruder in your. You know. Whatever it is, whatever the protocol is, work it out. Then, as a society, we would feel some sense of satisfaction. Like, you'd go, oh, he didn't pass. He didn't pass this world standard functional MRI machine. And then we take the whole system and we speed it all up because, I don't know, this whole jury of your peers got a bunch of guys with missing legs who were the darlings of the Olympics.

[Brian Bishop]

All the other Blade runners.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And everyone we all know go to the fucking mall. Everyone's an idiot. You know what I mean? You want these ass wipes? I mean, look, the people in the O.J. trial just didn't understand DNA. You know? It was, like, too confusing to them. So the fucking simpletons and OJ Goes free. Is that. Is that we want. You have fucking dumb, dumb people in the box there. Would you want 12 people deciding on, like, what movie you watch or what you ate for dinner? Like, really? I really would not want those 12 fucking people deciding my fate. And if you're an innocent person, you should really want this shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're just a poor black guy being railroaded and whatever with the racist DA Fucking get trying to pad his record. Give me one of these machines. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I'm a hero. And a genius. Legal zoom, baby. It's national. Start your business month again. That's right. They took another month. And maybe they'll take a third. Who knows?

[Allison Rosen]

Watch out.

[Adam Carolla]

Look out.

[Dave Dameshek]

Months.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gunning for you. Yeah. You're starting a small business. Well, you need their help setting up an LLC s corp. Sole proprietorship. Nonprofit legal. Zoom takes care of you start to finish, Dawson. Yeah. You Starting a business. What's going on with you? I've been, you know, kind of self employed for the last 10 years. This year I have over 30. 1099. I did my taxes today, so I am forming my llc. So when the pirate ship docks, call it like a docking base. We refuel at sea, but go ahead. That's what we're doing. Yes. I'm working with Legal Zoom to form my own company. For tax advantages. Well, all kinds of other stuff. You're working so close with them. Why don't you do the legal stuff? Legal Zoom is not a law firm and provides self help services at your specific direction. Now, every LLC and incorporation package includes easy to use business accounting software. A $269 value free. Be sure to enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Start your business, protect your family and safeguard your [e-mail] today. All right, let's do like half a story. You got a quickie in there. It's not going to pissed me off.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I can't guarantee that, but a man was arrested after a six year old swallowed the Adderall. A man who was working at a church that was putting on an Easter hunt. He kept his Adderall in a plastic Easter egg because who wouldn't do that? And then somehow it got mixed in with all the other eggs and then a six year old swallowed it. She didn't know. There were no bad effects though. She was fine. She got a lot of cleaning done.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

And. But he was arrested

[Adam Carolla]

because he did it on purpose.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me find that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Child endangerment.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe that's a thing. It turns out it's on the books. Yeah, yeah. I, you know, keeping. I mean, you know, what actually used to be, you know, there used to be film canisters. Remember film canisters?

[Brian Bishop]

One count of disorderly conduct.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone used to keep their stash in the film canister. It was nice because a nice pop lid on it. Now you have to fucking do the. They have childproof eggs, you know. My plan is.

[Brian Bishop]

Where do people keep their stash now?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But the deal is I've always dreamt of a parent proof store. Like a store that did not have. It wouldn't be legal be sued out of existence. Especially in California. But like a place you could go where if I just wanted to buy aspirin and I didn't want to fucking wrestle with the lid when I was hungover and I didn't want to have to line up the two stupid Arrows and then pop. I swear to God, the trauma caused to my thumbs trying to just either do the. There's two things. First off, they used to have. I don't even know if they make them anymore. But lighters were like kid proof. And the way they would do the kid proof lighters, they put a metal back band around the flint part. Basically the way they would do it is it didn't really work. You know, like there's a way to.

[Brian Bishop]

The strength you had to have in your thumb to get the thing lit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And it always took a few tries and you'd rip some of your skin off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's like basically going, hey, we have a lighter. And now we have to make it really not functional. Or you have to use your teeth and two hands and a bench vise to get your fucking cigarette lit. And all in the name of idiots leaving the shit around and kids burning the fucking house down. But same with the aspirin, by the way, my kids, chewy vitamins have a childproof thing. They have to fucking wrestle with it. I mean, what. All right, now I'm pissed. When you're done, like when you're just done with your life, what percentage of it? How many hours, how many days, how many months? Or does it even start turning into years where you just spent just fucking doing nothing for no reason? Like, I'm a responsible adult. I spent the first 40 years of my life with no kids. Wrestling with the childproof aspirin, wrestling with the fucking cigarette lighter, Wrestling with all the fucking bullshit that's lined up for kids. I don't even have kids. Just the amount of time, calories, burnt, energy wasted doing something that was neither here nor there just didn't fucking amount to shit. I would like to open. This is your next endeavor.

[Michael Dubin]

I'm listening.

[Adam Carolla]

An adult store. You buy lighters, we have aspirin, anything that has a childproof whatever. Not this one, baby. These fucking lighters. You look at them, they'll blow up aspirin. You look at it the wrong way, 5 jump right up your ass. That's right. That's what we need to do.

[Michael Dubin]

You gotta put that stuff on the gun cabinets.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it. That's right. Yeah, that's right. And so then I can dry cleaner

[Brian Bishop]

bags that don't have warnings on them.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. We call it. Oh, International Waters. That's the name of the store. And you just go in there and you can buy anything you want. Nothing has a cap or lock or anything. Employees Are shooting themselves all day. It's good times. Yeah. I'll tell you what you should do. I got an idea for you right before international waters. Stamps.com. that's right. You got a business. It used to be a small business, not anymore. You want to send things? You send a lot of stuff. Oh yeah. You can't go down to the post office. That's a drag.

[Allison Rosen]

My hood goes down once a day.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just boxes, huge pallets filled with cartridges and what do you call them? Stems? Hosts. What's the razor? Handles.

[Michael Dubin]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

We just call them handles.

[Michael Dubin]

Handles.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing better than that.

[Allison Rosen]

Trunks?

[Michael Dubin]

No, go with what people know.

[Adam Carolla]

Handles and cartridges. Nah, he don't got time for that. He's going to use stamps.com youm can buy and print official US postage using your own computer and printer, of course, whenever. 24, 7, 25, 10. As we like to round up around here. Plus you get discounts that you can't get at the post office. Man, they save you 80% compared to leasing one of those postage meters. My assistant Matt uses these bad boys here at the office and that should be good enough for you. Special offer, no risk trial. You get the digital scale and 55 bucks worth of free postage. Send out quite a few cartridges for 55 bucks. Free postage.

[Michael Dubin]

That's pretty good. What's that website again?

[Adam Carolla]

That website again is stamps.com. that is stamps.com. you go there now, you click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. You type in Adam. That is stamps.com promo code Adam. All right. Tonight, Las Vegas, 5:30, Lee's Liquors. Me selling. What do you think of that Mangria there, Michael?

[Michael Dubin]

It's delicious. It's all gone. I need more.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, maybe we'll talk about it.

[Michael Dubin]

I think I'm the only one drinking it here.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I have a problem that would be worse if I did this here. But when I get into the comfort and privacy of my own home. Oh yes, it will be spilled. This tongue will taste Mangria. Mm mm. Also Salt Lake City tomorrow, 5 o'. Clock. That's Saturday, 5 o' clock at Wise Guys at Trolley Square. So come on out and we'll be raise a glass of Mangria. Let's see. Stand up live Phoenix. That is this coming Friday, the fifth week from today. The fifth is what I want to say. Saturday, April 6th. We're doing two shows out there. So if you want to see how the fudge is packed, come on down and we'll have a little Mangria for You there too. All that. What else? Vegas, House of Blues, Salt Lake City, Kingsbury Hall. That's tomorrow and the next day. And until next time. By the way, dollarshaveclub.com is where you go. Good ideas. I love good ideas. I love the entrepreneurial spirit.

[Michael Dubin]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Michael Dubin is just that, man. We'll get you a little more mangria, dollarshaveclub.com and until next time, Zan Kroll from Michael Dubin, Alison Rosen and Bald Brian saying mahalo. Oh, my fucking back's killing me from setting hobos on fire. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. I swear, if I'm lying, I'm dying. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. Free.

[Caller/Euphasio]

This is the mindset. Mindset.

[Adam Carolla]

With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator, why are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghost, Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah. Pluto TV stream. Now pay never. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and all the knowledge you need. And if you can't figure it out. They can't figure it out. Well, they will. They will help you find someone who can figure it out. It's always my first call, by the way, O'Reilly, if I can't figure something out. Ahead to O'Reilly, they have thousands of parts in stock and they can test your battery for free. Need wipers, brake lights, quick fix, engine light on. They're going to help you out. Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and they're friendly. Like they held the door for me last time I was there and they didn't know who I was. They just said, here comes a customer. Professional parts people at O'Reilly, well, they're a one stop shop, DIY stuff. You do it yourself and you can check them out online or you can go down there in person. Either way, they're the best. They're O'Reilly, right, Dawson? Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam all

[Allison Rosen]

right, this Adam Carlisle Show 1046. Come up in our next episode.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carla Show 1067. We got John Densmore, Dave Damaschek, Allison Rose and Brian Bishop from 2013. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. I swear, if I'm lying, I'm dying.

[Brian Bishop]

Free.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the mantra Free. This is the mindset.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Mindset.

[Adam Carolla]

With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator, Why are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd piece, Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah, Pluto TV stream. Now pay never. Good to see you, Dave. Damasch. Ace.

[Dave Dameshek]

What a pleasure as always for me to see you and your gaggle of people. But now I just found out what a great surprise it is that John Densmore's coming in here. I fear, however, if I remember correctly, having read a biography, the Doors, I don't know that Densmore was doing the lsd, but he may have a flashback to thinking he's seeing his lead singer when he sees. That's right, the flaxen haired, heavy, pot bellied, Bearded pot bellied.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he is pot bellied. Let's be honest. Chain smoking, drug addled. I get it. When he sees Dawson through the glass, like at the very end of the movie with the candles lit.

[Dave Dameshek]

Go take a bath.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary Halftart's giving him oral. And Allison Rosen. Hello, ball. Bryan. Excited about pain and gain.

[Brian Bishop]

Hi, this is Becky Honkington.

[Allison Rosen]

Requested by Luke Landcamer. Derek Rowe. Top drop if you want to vote.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. We started every show with it. Now.

[Dave Dameshek]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Audible.com I want to thank them for supporting the show. They have over 100,000 books to choose from, including my book, not Taco bell material. And 50 years wall be chicks. Lots of good stuff to listen to. And for all the people that are traveling or just having to deal with life. Audible Books, man. Cool. And you can get a free one. That's right. Free audiobook of your choice. Just go to audible.comace for the details. And they're all on the page. All the details are there. And it's audible.com Ace free audiobook. And enjoy. Okay, I want to get to that review. I want to get to the sports first. This, I know this is me, but I just had this happen moments ago. It drives me insane. It happens a lot. I'm standing upstairs in my office and I'm looking out the window at Olga sitting there in her Camry parked in my driveway. As the crow flies from my mouth, it would probably be about 65 to 70ft my mouth to her car and down about 25ft down in the driveway. I'm up on the second floor and I don't know if Sonny or Natalia is in the car, but I want to say goodbye to one of them before I head off for work. So I open the window and I start with the let's not wake the neighborhood up. You know, let's not alert everyone that Papa Carolla is yelling out the window about that tone. Because I do this all the time at my house. So I do the Olga. Now I'm watching her. She's sitting in the car. She's just sitting. Then she's not sitting there playing bongos on the dashboard or rocking out. She's in the car. The radio is not on, the door's open. Door open, sitting in the car. So now I do the next level, which is. Well, only the neighbors who are to my right and to my left are going to hear this one. But clearly, if they're watering their lawn or out in their backyard, they are going to hear this one. Hookah. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Then I get to the point where it's like, why is this? I know. Clearly she can. The sound is carrying to her ears from where I am. And then usually the third. Between the third and the fifth one is just a crazed. I don't care if the guys in the fucking space station can hear it and are annoyed as they orbit overhead. Oh, God, Fucking scream as loud as I can through the fucking canyons. And that gets this response.

[Brian Bishop]

I heard that.

[Adam Carolla]

Which always drives me insane, the part that drives me stage. They pop their head out of the car and they go, what? And I go, I've been yelling your name. Oh, I've been sitting in the car. And then I go, wait a minute. We're speaking in a conversational tone. How now it's a convers. We're in a conversational tone. We're in a ca. We're talking like we're standing in the same room. And she goes, you know. And I go, who's in the car? And she's not. Sonny is in the car. She's not spelling it out in firewood or anything on the driveway. She's going, sonny's in the car. Oh, okay, well, where's Natalia? And I'm like, again, five back and forth. I was just screaming my fucking lungs out and you weren't moving. How's that go? And then she goes, course I'm having that conversation with her, ironically, in a conversational tone, too. Oh, I'm screaming your name for the. By the way, if I ever get caught in a bear trap in my house, and I know it's, you know, well under 20%, maybe even in the teens, low teens, that. That does happen, I'll be dead. Me.

[Allison Rosen]

You'd be surprised.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll be devoured by fucking coyotes before anyone ever gets me. Because I have been in my house and just yelled people's names as loud as I could possibly yell them with zero response. And then when I hear the response, it's in a speaking tone.

[Brian Bishop]

It's weird because like, even if no matter what kind of fog you're in, when someone yells your name, that is supposed to snap you out of it, what can you yell that will snap people out of their tune out? Fog.

[Adam Carolla]

Even if I just did my fallback, which is the N word, it just got me in a little trouble up, you know, because a pretty progressive community. But even if I'd gone back with just my fallback, you'd still think that would get stuck some response from the person that heard the crazy man bellowing from the rooftop. You know what I mean? Like, even if I just went,

[John Densmore]

you

[Adam Carolla]

think they'd look up? Would that get you to look up? And so I said so now in a conversational tone, which is marginally louder than what you would do if you're sitting on a sofa. It's about as loud as you would do if you were at a restaurant and they had a little bit of room music pumping in, you know, so I'm going, why didn't you answer me the first eight times I screamed your name? I was talking to Natalia. But it's like, alright, I get it, there's something else going on inside the car. But still the bellowing of the name, the whole bellowing of the name is to interrupt whatever casual conversation you may or may not be having. Like if, if you're at a party and you're just talking, your wife and I yell, there's a madman with a machete. You know, I didn't, I didn't hear that talking to my old lady.

[Dave Dameshek]

Here's the issue. My kids get zombie, they get zombified by the tv. And that hap. You have to really go up and shake them or literally put a hand in front of their eyes for a second and a half before they recognize that there's some something else happening in the universe. But isn't it troubling that Olga and you know, at least half the population is like this, that those people operate motor vehicles around you.

[Adam Carolla]

That really is.

[Dave Dameshek]

That freaks me out. And those same people have now taken to driving a car and texting simultaneously. That's what's around you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dave Dameshek]

Egadd.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, very sad. Egad. Not egad. Although that should be that should be a British holiday, like celebrating Egad Day. Egad's Day. Cinco de Mayo coming up, baby. We're having a little mangria party. You're all invited. And that is in Malibu. Beautiful. Everyone's been there, right? Picturesque. Glorious, right? Only 40 VIP tickets left. Musical guests. Susannah Hoff's been added. Fitz and the tantrums. John Popper's gonna be there. I mean, that's loaded for bear. And the tickets are going to the children's hospital, and they're all tax deductible. And we'll be there. I think Kimmel will be there. Maybe Howie Mandel, maybe a few other notables floating around. So come on down, say hi, and you can get it. And my website, www.adamcurl.com. all right, I want to know. I'm very curious about this pain and gain. I want to know where Brian comes down on this thing. Hooray for Baldywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spin bucks, remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit Transformers to hooray for Bounty war. I saw the movie with Bill Simmons, Dave Damoshek.

[Dave Dameshek]

I was on my way there and my schedule prevented it. Ultimately, it would have been a great. I would love to have been there for that, but. Well, I want to hear your review, but let's turn it over to Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to know what Brian thought of my review. I was sort of a general thumbs up, but you would never call it great by any stretch of the imagination.

[Allison Rosen]

Apropos theme song because Michael Bay, the director of Transformers 2, also the director of this film, I'm sort of on board with you. This is above average. I would say it's a good movie. I think it's a great movie, but it's everything you want out of a summer movie. It's just smart enough, just enough brains to get by. Looks great. Michael Bay movies, whether they're good or bad, always look good. This one looks really, really good. This counts as a low budget Michael Bay movie because it was the lowest budget he's ever had since his first movie. This is like $20 million.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I heard it was 20 or 25. Yeah, somewhere.

[Allison Rosen]

This is starring Mark Wahlberg, the Rock. Anthony Mackie from the Hurt Locker, Tony Shalhoub, who was really, really good. Very rangy actor. Tony Shalhoub at Harris Rebel Wilson, Ken Jion and Rob Cordry.

[Adam Carolla]

Good cast. Yeah. Shalhoub, couple things. The Rock, probably the standout performance of the thing.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

I just have it written right here. Very, very good in this movie. I think he's, along with Tony Shalhoub, the best part of the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Showing a lot of range, showing a

[Allison Rosen]

lot of unlikely rise to a list status. For the Rock. He was the wrestler who tried to act a little bit, you know, 10 years ago, 12 years ago. Now he's carrying summer blockbusters multiple in the same summer, three in the same summer.

[Adam Carolla]

And so some attempts at humor that worked, some that fell a little flat. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

There was a guy behind me laughing out loud several times in the movie. So it hit home with a couple of jokes for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Took a sort of macabre turn. It got a little grosser and bizarre. More bizarre than it sort of needed to, I thought toward the end.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I did like that it was based on a true story.

[Adam Carolla]

Although you do wonder about that true story because it got pretty fantastic.

[Dave Dameshek]

Hold on, hold on. For those of us who aren't familiar with the picture, except to see the billboards and it looks clearly like no CGI was necessary, only some needles in the arm of the Rock to build up the physique. What is the premise of the picture? I have no idea.

[Allison Rosen]

The premise is. I'll only give away the premise because it takes a few twists and turns that are kind of interesting.

[Dave Dameshek]

I ask you to tell me how it ends.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Premise is these three guys working, living at a gym, basically, 24 hours a day, work at the gym. And one guy's very motivated to better his life through sort of a Tom Wu. Tom Vu type character named Johnny Wu. Tom Vu, played by Ken Jiang. And he's sort of very motivated to better his life. And he does so by kidnapping very wealthy clients. Spiral out of control.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny. I do know a handful of the meatheads that are motivated meatheads.

[Brian Bishop]

The only thing worse, they're the scariest kind.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's the only thing worse than a meathead is a motivated meathead because they don't quite have enough emotional or intellectual horsepower to pull themselves out of the mire. But they get a lot of things on cassettes and read a lot of books and stuff, and then they regurgitate a lot of these stupid adages that they read on T shirts and things like that. But you want to know the number one? Big Tad. Oh, no, no. Big Tad's not motivated. Big Tad's brother, T. Chance Thrasher. That's right. He's A male stripper who's highly motivated. And the whole time, you know, like I said, it's a kind of a meathead motivation, which is docile meathead. Okay. This is meathead on a couple of Red Bulls who's reading an Anthony Robbins book, you know, and it's just fucking fired up, but really doesn't have the horsepower to pull anything off.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what's equally bad or worse though, than the motivated meathead is the floozy who looks up to the motivated meathead and who quotes that meathead.

[Allison Rosen]

All of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's a lot of, like that character. People that make the money, have the money. Okay. People like, here you go. All right. I guess that'd be true for cars or anything else on this planet, but yeah, yeah. T. Chance Thrasher, big Tad's brother, was reading a book the entire time Jimmy and I drove to Vegas with him and his very gaseous guy. We drove to Vegas with him and Tad and we're in a minivan and he was reading like a motivational book from the 50s and farting, by the way, the entire time. Mail stripper. But yeah. So Wahlberg does a nice job of capturing that dude.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. When Mark Wahlberg plays a little dim, he's great. Like when he's in Boogie Nights, when he's in the Fighter, you're like, that's. That's. He's up on that screen there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So he was great. I don't know what you felt about this, but I thought it was. I was okay with it, but it was a little over directed. There was a lot of slow mo. A lot of freeze frames, a lot of captions inside the film like it was. You never forgot that you were watching a directed movie, but it was fun and looked great.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's the kind of odd camera angles I'll give you. I'll give you kind of a. I'll just. I'll do a little spoiler alert. Not much, just a little one. So the movie will say, based on a true story. And you go, okay, that's cool. So then you watch it sort of like you'd watch a movie like Pepillon or something like, oh, he was unjustly committed, you know, thrown into Devil's island and now he's got to get off or something. And it's kind of cool. Or like a World War II movie or something like. Like that. A Bridge Too Far. Something like. Like that. So you try to. You try to. But then you have a scene where the rock is swimming underwater and the cop shoots a bullet into the water and it blows his toe off. And then he goes down and gets his toe from. From the bottom of the lake and then keeps swimming. Now you go, well, that didn't happen.

[Allison Rosen]

I only thought it must have happened, if only because the toe makes several appearances in the rest of the movie. The toe's a character in the rest

[Adam Carolla]

of the movie, but you're in a, like, murky hamer swamp. You're dodging bullets, cops are firing down on you, and you're going to swim down in this dark, murky swamp without a mask or any respirator or anything and go find your toe and then swim to safety.

[Allison Rosen]

It's that kind of movie.

[Dave Dameshek]

People have way too good a vision in movies underwater.

[Adam Carolla]

They way too good.

[Brian Bishop]

A real quick aside callback from a while ago. Remember we were doing Mr. Brightside and someone lost his toe, and you said the benefit to that was you could say if you're trying to test the pool temperature, you're just going to dip a toe in the water without getting up.

[Adam Carolla]

Without getting up. Yeah, I like that.

[John Densmore]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

So there was a lot of scenes that were fantastical where you're just like, I don't know how that worked.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think this counts as a spoiler. But what reminded me of that was about towards the end of the movie with about 15 minutes left, at one point, there was a freeze frame and a caption that said, this is still a true story. Like, that reminded you and I didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Cheeky.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand the broad strokes of it were true, but it just couldn't be. As it went down.

[Allison Rosen]

The details were a little.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, visually fun. Again, not everything has to be high art. No, it's sitting about 45% or so

[Allison Rosen]

on Rotten Tomatoes 47, last I checked.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but let's look at it this way, to be fair now, 49 and 63, with the audience and top critics probably a little lower. But look at it this way. It's not really 40% or 49% out of 100. It's kind of out of 80% because 80% is a good movie. Or 75%. 70%. Pretty good movie. So you're not that far. The gap between a good movie isn't 49% and 100. It's more 49%. 80% if you kind of want to look at it that way. Because if you got yourself up to 80 or 85 or 78, the consensus would be it's a good movie worth a watch.

[Allison Rosen]

49 does feel too low to me. I would give it about a B. It's solid, entertaining, fun.

[Brian Bishop]

How gory is it?

[Adam Carolla]

The problem is it goes from sort of fun and kind of Tarantino. I know Tarantino gets gory, but he pulls off the humor with the action and with the intense scenes. By the time they get to the end, they get to some really stuff that's hard to look at.

[Allison Rosen]

Agreed. Yes. If I can make a recommendation. If this is not your kind of movie, you know that. Another movie that shows off Tony Shalhoub's really good range. You ever seen Big night, the movie about the cook? Great movie. Co directed, co written by Stuart Love.

[Dave Dameshek]

When he eats the omelette at the

[Allison Rosen]

end, that's a great scene. Thank you for giving that away. And Tony Shalhoub, fantastic in it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's been 19 years.

[Dave Dameshek]

15 years.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you can't spoil an old movie. Great movie. Go see Big Night. Either way, pain and gain. Fun movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What do we give it? I give it a B. Oh, B.

[Allison Rosen]

I gave it a B. It's a passing grade and a lot of fun and exactly what you want out of this kind of a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. That's right. We're on the exact same page with this thing. Hooray for bounty war. All right, check. Get the sports ready. Let me tell you guys about BigCommerce. BigCommerce.com you want to go online. You want to start a business online. You want to sell stuff online? Maybe you have a brick and mortar store. Again, my plan. Brick and mortar store that just sells brick and mortar. That's my plan. Just I'm trying to think when. Oh, man. Yeah. S type.

[Allison Rosen]

The ultimate irony brick and mortar store that was only online.

[Adam Carolla]

They sold brick and mortar, but only on the Internet. Yeah. Type s mortar. Just Online. You need BigCommerce, baby. Or maybe you're starting your own business. Maybe you're vending something. I don't know if it's barbecue sauce, I don't know what it is. But if you're going to sell online, you need BigCommerce. They have everything you need. They can design your website. They do the shopping cart setup, options for customers payments. I know you like to make jewelry, Dave.

[Dave Dameshek]

It's one of my passions.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah. I think his such beadwork is unparalleled. So they'll give you marketing tools and sales tools and you can sell those beautiful clamp on jade earrings online. They got a special 30 day free trial offer plus 2 hours of personalized e commerce coaching. Free. When you subscribe, just go to bigcommerce.com, click on the blue headphones at the top left of the homepage, then select my name, Adam. It'll drop down on the menu there and bigcommerce.com if you're selling something online. Let's get started that way. All right, Dave Damaschek, let's hit it, baby.

[Dave Dameshek]

Hit it bald. It's time for Dave Dameshek's number one sports.

[Adam Carolla]

Number one sports. Do it, Dave.

[Dave Dameshek]

Alright. The NFL Draft 2013 in the books. I was there in Radio City Music Hall. A grand time. Really one of those things that's hard to be cynical about. All the, all the nonsense that surrounds it. Maybe too much analysis when you look at it at the end of the day, all these talking heads so serious about it and ultimately they hit between 45 and 55% of the time. I think we could all do about the same level of job, all the time and effort that goes into it. But that is far in the rear view mirror. After an eventful Monday here in the. What month is it still? April. In the month of April, Tim Tebow released never as a backup qb, garnered so much attention from the national media. His release kicked to the curb by the New York Jets. No surprise there after the team took Geno Smith with the second round pick on Friday. But it's a great thing. As I say, it's hard to be cynical when you get to watch it's better than the Academy Awards when they make the announcement. The inherent drama of. And the winner is. Is even better than the Oscar goes to.

[Adam Carolla]

What did I say the winner is?

[Dave Dameshek]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to shame people.

[Dave Dameshek]

Right. You're right. The Oscar goes to. It's even better when it's a 21 year old who presumably is not already affluent. And that moment, even though they know it's coming, is great.

[Adam Carolla]

It is fantastic. I'm going to step on your notion about the affluence, but I've heard that a lot of those guys, moms have three and four jobs. So they probably have some money.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

You think?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. Yeah. I mean one job, four jobs.

[Dave Dameshek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes five. Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

I mean I assume the average income is what, about 150k?

[Adam Carolla]

You do it, whatever it is, times it four. Because they work four jobs. Yeah. And God knows where dad is some sort of international, you know, businessman, probably in Kuwait or something doing some big deal.

[John Densmore]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

They say dad wasn't there. You know, he's overseas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Pulling some big deals.

[Dave Dameshek]

Very Very important. Wasn't that exciting at the top of the draft for people who look forward to.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but it is the lottery in the sense that the guys who come from families of nine and crappy places from Alabama are now going to be hugging mama. Guaranteed $35 million over the next three years.

[Dave Dameshek]

It is neat. And I saw. I spoke with Geno Smith actually in Radio City Music Hall. I got to interview him. Delightful fella. And I love to ask him about. So really, what did you do last night, you know, when you didn't get drafted? He was expected. I know I don't have to tell you, Allison, but for those who don't know that Geno Smith was projected to go as high as the second overall pick and instead he didn't get taken at all in the first day. So it was. There's a fair amount of humiliation. Same for Matt Barkley, the USC qb, but especially for Geno Smith. And he said, I went out with my mother. You know, we went out, we had dinner and it was nice and she settled me down. I thought it was wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt Barkley looks like the head of the frat who is the QB of the football team, but also the head of the evil frat.

[Dave Dameshek]

Yes. Yeah, he looks Billy Zabka. He's a 21st century Billy Zabka.

[Adam Carolla]

He really is.

[Allison Rosen]

He's Aryan esque.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

Johnny from Cobra Kai. So, anyway. So.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on a second. Where's Tebow going?

[Dave Dameshek]

He. The harsher critics will tell you he's going nowhere. That they say he is not going to ever be back in the NFL.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dave Dameshek]

CFL teams. There's already conjecture he may go to the cfl.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what if he humbles himself and says, look, I'm going to convert myself into a tight end.

[Dave Dameshek]

To what though?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

So let's take that as a for instance. How is he going to play tight end? Is it. Do we know that he has the hands?

[Adam Carolla]

I had a little this. I had a discussion with Lynette this morning about this exact same topic and I said, I was playing your role. I was saying, what's he going to do? And then she said, let me drop a name on Tebow. I was saying tebow. I said, what's he going to do? I can't convert him to tight end. She said, I'm going to drop a little name. Todd Christiansen. And then she went. And I said, what? Yeah, he was fullback. That's right. He was fullback. And he rode the pine for about three years and then he converted to tight end and he Had Pro bowl seasons for the Raiders. Okay. And one of the coolest perms ever on a white guy.

[Dave Dameshek]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And then she showed you. She sniffed and walked right back out of the room. Wow.

[Dave Dameshek]

Pretty impressive. It's humbling, but not a surprise.

[Adam Carolla]

Find a picture of him where his head isn't sweaty, h back and his hair isn't.

[Dave Dameshek]

He. That's what they called him.

[Adam Carolla]

And color's nice, too.

[Dave Dameshek]

Somehow he achieved the title of h back. But yeah, Tim Tebow maybe could go and do that, but we have no evidence that suggests he's ready to play that.

[Adam Carolla]

There's Todd Christian. Look at that beautiful 70s fro.

[Dave Dameshek]

Do you think that's natural or is that permanent?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's there for good, if that's what you're asking. I don't know. There's even better shots of that natural. And I want to know his story because I think he played fullback for maybe Dallas for maybe two or three seasons. He didn't get many touches.

[Dave Dameshek]

I should know this. And it sounds right.

[Adam Carolla]

He switched over to tight end and became a Pro Bowl.

[Dave Dameshek]

Well, it's also. And he bought number 46, so you know that he didn't play another position. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

You know, he didn't start out as a tight end or else they would have assigned him a number in the 80s.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So Tebow is. I mean, he can handle the ball nicely. That's a pretty good fro shot of him. He can. He can. He looks. He's like if the camel man, the camel guy. Who's the guy who would go out on expedition and, you know, with his jeep, going through the. Going on safari. If he had a slightly straighter brother who stayed back and played football, that would be, I was going to say, you know. Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

You take him and then. And he conceives a child with the patriarch of the Brady Bunch, Mike Brady,

[Adam Carolla]

after the later years, after the throw

[Dave Dameshek]

came in once the permanent.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yes.

[Dave Dameshek]

And. Yeah. And the throw in the Tom Selleck mustache, which then allows us to transition into the big story of the week. Speaking of.

[Adam Carolla]

So Tebow, good size, tenacious. I could handle the ball.

[Dave Dameshek]

I could see him at the goal line. A clever team might have him, but he would never. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

If you're Tim Tebow, what makes more sense for you professionally, like relegating yourself to learning a new position, that is tight end or fullback or going to some small town or medium sized town in Canada or somewhere else and becoming a local celebrity, like you could be the mayor of that town, so to speak, within you Know, five, ten years.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, Warren Moon and Doug Flutie and a bunch of other guys. Jim Kelly, a bunch of other guys like that went off somewhere else. Mark Allen's brother played out of the NFL.

[Dave Dameshek]

Really played in Allen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Except for he didn't. Except he didn't come back.

[Dave Dameshek]

I guess not. Dieter Brock.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

So he did the reverse. Yeah, he did the race.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. Go ahead. I went to Todd Christian. I want the numbers on Christian. By the way, I want to know

[Dave Dameshek]

he had at least 200 catch seasons.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I want to know if he started off on Dallas as a fullback and this stuff, that should be.

[Brian Bishop]

And where did he get this?

[Dave Dameshek]

Came up five minutes ago. You would have thought someone behind the glass there might have.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I didn't want to know. All right, so you could go to Canada. You could go to Canada, you could have a cup, win a couple of gray cups and then come back. Or you could suck in Canada. That's. That's the whole thing. You don't necessarily have to go the Warren Moon route where you go to Canada, have some incredible years, and then come back and have a long, storied NFL career. You could just go suck in Canada. So that's the question. Do you want to leave the show?

[Dave Dameshek]

If you.

[Adam Carolla]

If.

[Dave Dameshek]

If Tim Tebow is resolute about his interest in playing qb, then it would seem that his best path to return would be to go to Canada, show that he, you know, turn his ace. You nailed that. That's terrific. Well, you did. I mean, it goes Cowboys first, then the Giants.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dave Dameshek]

But very nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Started off as a fullback, went to the Raiders and had some Pro bowl seasons. Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

Like I say, at least a couple of hundred catch seasons when those were not common.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, keep in mind also that Tebow. Back to Tebow. Excelled in the sec, won two national championships and a Heisman playing against. You know, SEC is one of the top conferences in college football, I imagine.

[Dave Dameshek]

But he was on the best team in the SEC at the time.

[Allison Rosen]

But I imagine the level of competition is about what that is in the cfa.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute.

[Dave Dameshek]

Don't forget he was a situational QB when they won that national championship.

[Adam Carolla]

But he didn't have, you know.

[Dave Dameshek]

Anyway. But Chris Leak was the start.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not Tom Selleck the camel man. Tom Selleck the mustache. He had a decent year at Denver.

[Dave Dameshek]

He had more than. I mean, they go nine and seven, they win a playoff game against a good Steelers defense. Injured though it was. But it is amazing when you think about his last start in the NFL, but. Well, I guess they got smoked in Foxborough the following week. But his second to last start in the NFL was a overtime win in the playoffs against the Pittsburgh Steelers. It's remarkable that he may never get another start. But like to finish the point, he may do well to go to Canada, show that he has transformed his throwing motion and is more accurate and can make some of those throws and then return because Doug Flutie did that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, let me say this. The Tebowing. The Tebow pray move. That's the curling move. The curling move is a. Is a sliding version of the Tebow. The Tebow move, if you think about it, you drop down on one knee, right? Do the Tebow move. It's A1. It's A.

[Dave Dameshek]

It's going down. So we've seen. Going down on one knee.

[Adam Carolla]

It's one knee. It's. There's the Camel Man. Mr. Brady.

[Brian Bishop]

That's perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

Dawson's father, by the way too, not having ever met him, that's what I imagine he looks like.

[Adam Carolla]

He died a tragic bong incident in 1979. So really, that's kind of touchy. Kind of a touchy subject.

[Dave Dameshek]

Sorry about that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. If you take. Sorry, more homework. But if you take the curling move, they're down on that one knee. I mean, you're halfway home to the T ball.

[Dave Dameshek]

You are right about. I can see what you.

[Adam Carolla]

You see if they get down on that one knee and they just slide it across the ice. I could see. I could. Like I said, just during the off season, he could practice his move and his curling. I think he'd be accepted just because.

[Dave Dameshek]

Just like he could become Canada's Bo Jackson, two star athlete.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

Terrific.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Dave Dameshek]

You're an idea man, ace.

[Adam Carolla]

That's me. So.

[Dave Dameshek]

All right, so Tim Tebow kick to the curb. Who knows if we'll ever find a place. I predict that Mark Sanchez will join him because I can't imagine that you draft Geno Smith and then you're going to carry this, you know, this, this circus act, Mark Sanchez and that battle through training camp. Best to kick him out too, and start a new. Anyway, so that's that. Now, the big story I was referring to just a moment ago is that Jason Collins, longtime NBA center who's played with six teams, has announced he's gay. At long last, someone who is an active player with an asterisk because he's a free agent and he's 34. And we'll see if someone signs him. But I imagine they Will, because he's a seven foot tall guy who can play a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Did you say his ass was at risk? Because that's hurtful. That's hurt. Speak.

[Dave Dameshek]

Hey, free speech, fella.

[Adam Carolla]

That's hurt.

[Dave Dameshek]

I'm about to say what I want.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't work the ass at risk when I'm talking gay stories. But anyway, they said it'd be tough

[Allison Rosen]

for Collins and this is what they meant.

[Dave Dameshek]

So he is gay.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a curling move. Once you release that curling thing, you could go up in Tebow. Yeah, excellent.

[Dave Dameshek]

But so Jason Collins. And for the most part, people are coming out effusive in praise for him. A few outliers like Mike Wallace, the new wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins. Later, the Pittsburgh Steelers made a joke on Twitter saying something like, I don't understand with so many beautiful women in the world why you'd want to go for dudes. And he's got. He's gotten a lot of heat. You know, listen,

[Brian Bishop]

it was.

[Dave Dameshek]

It's clearly a joke. And. But it is interesting that these guys aren't so thoroughly coached up by the leagues and their teams. I don't care what your opinion is, just keep your yap shut. If you are anti gay for the interest of yourself, for the team and the league, just keep it to yourself. Do not go on record making homophobic or I'm a Christian, so therefore it's inappropriate. I think it's outrageous. Ace, how say you? Will we now see a flood or at least several more names as the speculation is that many more guys will now feel it's a safe place to come out.

[Adam Carolla]

Cheeks part. And the floodgates, they open. Well, a couple of things. First off, I would just tell everyone, look, hey, black people on your team who want to do some crazy tweet that could be offensive. The same people that hate the gays hate you. So let's not. Let's not get on that team. You guys should all. You should be on this team, number one. Number two, there's never gonna be any upside to you making a joke or not about this. And you guys aren't skilled enough to put that joke. You know, Patton Oswald could put that joke together. You are not gonna put that joke together. It's gonna be misconstrued if you.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what they'd say.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. You're right. Kevin Hart. Except for. I don't think he can make that. All right. But you know what I'm saying. The late, great Richard Pryor, Moms Mabley all right. Sorry, I've run out of references. The point is this. Don't say anything. It's because it's the. It said, does it make you money or does it make you happy? There will be zero upside to whatever tweet you put out. There's no way you're not getting a raise. You're not getting any extra pussy. You're not getting anything for saying this, but you could get your hand caught in the. The cookie jar, and you could get in trouble. So don't say anything. And yes, everyone should just be coached up not to do anything. I don't think. I think it's smart because he kind of gets to be the Jackie Robinson of basketball in the gay world, if you think about it. And although the second guy just. He's just jumping on. Right. He might not even be gay. He might just be trying to get some extra. Wow, this guy made a lot of

[Dave Dameshek]

good press out of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I gotta jump on this. I don't think.

[Brian Bishop]

I actually think the second, third, fourth, and fifth, maybe second, third, and fourth. I think for a little while, everyone. It will have the same impact. Then I think there'll be diminishing returns.

[Dave Dameshek]

There will be, but it does have diminishing returns.

[Adam Carolla]

The question is, once as an owner, once one of your players comes out as gay, and then a couple other guys in the league, do you draft the other gay guys? Because now you got a situation. You know what I'm saying? It never works out, those office romances. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's never as an serious. I mean it. Like, if you're Joe.

[Allison Rosen]

I'd like to meet Damon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You guys get to know each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And be back me into the paint anytime. What I'm saying is if you. Three ball. Yes, please. If you started dating Gary, it would. You want to do the quick shiver thing now or are you good? Okay. If you started dating Gary from downtown, I. You bet I would not be happy. Because I know at some point there'd be a situation. Three months on, it'd be great for a while. And then at some point, it'd be like, where's Gary? Him and Allison had a fucking blowout, and he's pissed off. Can't be in the same room breaking up, and this is weird and uncomfortable, and Gary's made the proclamation that both of them can't. Which case, Gary would be gone. But they both can't work under the same building under the same roof. It's not gonna work. You know, you don't want that. And there's not much chance of that in the NBA as it is now. It's like, hey, you want to go out whoring? All right, let's go. And then they go out whoring together. But that builds camaraderie. But if you think about it, if you took just like they do on like the Mouseketeers club, you know, I mean there's no doubt that Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears are gonna get together. They have to, they're together, they're five person team. You know, ironically, they're just kinda touring the country together all the time.

[Dave Dameshek]

Shit's gonna happenoodling is what you're forecasting.

[Brian Bishop]

Or there has, perhaps there's already been.

[Dave Dameshek]

Well, there has to have been.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're on a team, forget the gay part. If the basketball team was just co ed and there's other 23 and 24 year old people who were like super fit and looked really good together. We shared a bus, we shared a flight, then we went off and stayed at a hotel together. How long would it take me to walk down the hallway to your room? And if there was another version of me in that room that was just as horny as me, we'd fuck in the hallway. We wouldn't even get to each other's rooms. I'd bend you over an ice maker, bitch. You know what I'm saying? You don't think it angry? All right, I'm getting excited. But so it's kind of interesting if you. And then now in a weird way you got to factor it in. Like if you have a couple of gay players or like one gay player and you're drafting a player out of college, but he's gay and you're thinking, and this guy on our team, you know, he gets around a little. Like he likes, you know, he's young, he's like just the same as a dude would do if it was a woman you were drafting into this thing. You have to factor in the gayness.

[Allison Rosen]

Red blooded American man.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Interesting.

[Dave Dameshek]

Well of course if that ever came to light that that happened then that GM would be fired. Right? Well, we decide, you know, that there were whispers.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you couldn't not. You couldn't draft a gay guy. You couldn't say I'm not going to draft a guy.

[Dave Dameshek]

Because you never say that publicly.

[John Densmore]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

But if you had a gay guy on your team that was a starter and single and like to mingle, you'd have to also do the. There could be Some going on here and then they get in a spat and they don't want to pass the ball to each other.

[Dave Dameshek]

You've gotten your last balls from me. The.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

You know, I do find it repugnant that the. That for some reason our society has to indulge the Christian fundamentalists who say, well, I'm entitled to my opinion. Yes, you are. But this notion that, hey, I. You know, my book tells me that this is unacceptable and so that your opinion is that this is acceptable. My opinion is that it's not just.

[John Densmore]

Yeah.

[Dave Dameshek]

The difference is, is that what he's doing has nothing to do with you. No one is telling you to stop doing your religion and to reading your book. It's an outrage. And those people. You know what I say the leagues are incented to tell their players and their coaches and everybody else, keep your yap shut. I say let these people make isolate themselves. Because when they say stupid things now the onus is on them. They're the ones who look like fools and dinosaurs and they will be the rejects. Ironically, you know, 20 years ago, let alone he has.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think he has a twin. I don't know if the twins identical.

[Dave Dameshek]

Jaron does have. Yeah, you know, I'm not positive they're identical. But Jaron is not gay. And when he found out last summer, was stunned, apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they can't be identical anymore if he's not gay.

[Dave Dameshek]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Because really that's. That's one of the big three for me, number one. Number two, it's gotta be weird for the twin. Geron. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of people in his locker room like Jaron. How's it going? Good. Anything on your mind? No, nothing. Huh.

[Allison Rosen]

Saw a brother on the news the other day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're a twin.

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's great. I think it's great that he feels

[Adam Carolla]

that comfortable because sometimes I go nature, nurture. But it's funny, you got the same brunt. You're white.

[Dave Dameshek]

What's your wife think of?

[Adam Carolla]

What's he thinking about? Pussy. Oh, really? Really?

[Caller/Euphasio]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing. I mean, I'm cool. Hey, I got a lot of friends that.

[Dave Dameshek]

Hey, Marcus, we still going to the strip club?

[Adam Carolla]

Jaron, you want to go?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You sure?

[Brian Bishop]

Am I Jaron?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

This makes the most sense of all of us.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gotta be weird for the fucking twin brother, right?

[Dave Dameshek]

I'm pretty sure he's done. I'm pretty sure he's retired now.

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't mean he never retired from being gay.

[Caller/Euphasio]

No, indeed.

[Adam Carolla]

You do not hang up that cock ring.

[Dave Dameshek]

That's not true. What's her name's husband took the therapy and it got it scared out of her.

[Adam Carolla]

What's Huffington? I don't know.

[Dave Dameshek]

President. Yeah, Republican. I can't think of her name from Minnesota, so. All right, enough about that. It's. It's being hailed as a great day. And, and it is, and it'll be interesting to see.

[Allison Rosen]

Good.

[Dave Dameshek]

You know, guys, I've talked with Brendan Iambundejo on my podcast at the NFL and Chris Cluey. This is their modern day Pee Wee Reese's. They created a place that said, come out. We'll accept you. And so, in a way, they deserve some reflected glory too, for creating an environment where it wouldn't be so scary for, for a guy to come out. So good for them. That's a nice story, but there are also creeps running amok. And with that being said, let's get to the creep of the week.

[Adam Carolla]

Creep, creep, Creep of the week.

[Dave Dameshek]

Of the week. He or she is the creep of the week. All right, real quick. I didn't know John Densmore was gonna be here, but I would like to point out, since that has come to my attention, hipsters who don't like the Doors. You know, you ever meet those guys, there's, there's a backlash against it because, you know, you could go, you know, when I was in college, out posters everywhere, the Doors, they had a resurgence that lasted for a quarter century after Jim Morrison's death, at least. And now it seems like a lot of hipsters say, oh, the Doors weren't that good and Jim Morrison was pretentious and all that sort of thing. Hey, LA woman. Great record. Morrison Hotel. Great record. I like the Door. So I don't like those, I don't like those hipsters who go against that. But the creep of the week. Dave Damaschek.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. Wow.

[Dave Dameshek]

I was on a four and a half year run, by my calculations of not having the hiccups. I never had had the hiccups for like four and a half years. But at 4:09pm local time today, I don't know what happened. Maybe I let my guard down, I took my eye off the ball, I got the hiccups.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dave Dameshek]

It was a, it's a disappointing end. I mean, I do pat myself on the back for the great run, but like all streaks, it's a reminder. They, they do come to an end,

[Adam Carolla]

you know, so you got to reset that big counter you keep in your living room. That the factories have a days since zero.

[Dave Dameshek]

Back to zero. I got the hiccups. I thought maybe I. I thought. I honestly thought. I. And I'm not making this up, I really did think maybe I cured myself forever of hiccups. Not unlike what's her name's husband was cured of his gayness.

[Adam Carolla]

Just say crazy eyes whenever you're trying to think of a Republican.

[Michael Dubin]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Michele Bachman.

[Dave Dameshek]

Michele Bachman. Right, right, right. So, yeah, we're off sports. We're off sports, you creep. You know, one more of those and the Blaster, the Han Solo Edition Blaster points at you, fella.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way.

[Dave Dameshek]

Yeah, you better be sports.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not sports. This is personal. Not interesting story.

[Dave Dameshek]

Wait a second. That was. Get in line.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you have a patented hiccup cure?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I mean, clearly not.

[Dave Dameshek]

No, it's not a cute. Well, I can make myself lose them, but I was out of practice with it. The way you lose your hiccups, I feel, is everybody's got their. Their hokum. But what you do is you hold your nose and you try your best to hiccup, and that makes it go away.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. Do your best.

[Dave Dameshek]

Try to conjure. Because. Fill your lungs with air and try to hiccup. You can't do it. And then they just are gone. But I never needed it until I was driving in my car at 4:09pm local time. Very sad. But I do want to say something

[Brian Bishop]

felt weird in the air at 409 before I use.

[Dave Dameshek]

Before I use the Han Solo Edition Blaster on myself very quickly, the get out of jerk free card for this week goes to Dave Damaschek in New York City in a great restaurant. That's right. Well, it's like. It can work that way. I can. I can give it to myself. Now, the. I know how that sounds, and I didn't mean it that way. And Alison Rosen, you get in line. One, two, and three. Maybe mind your P's and Q's. The three of you, firing squad, now listen to me. Except I'm a firing squad of one against three now. So I'm in New York, and I was reminded of the fact in this great steakhouse called Quality Meats, everybody's ordering this, that, and the other. I ordered just right. The waiter complimented me on it. He said, oh, the rib steak, sir, is the best in the house. Sure enough, it was. And I was reminded. Or in fact, you know how you receive oral better than anyone?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, absolutely. Nobody. Nobody. People brag about giving oral, but no one receives better than me.

[Dave Dameshek]

Well, it's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? I've been making that claim for almost 14 years now. No one has stepped up to take the strap. Yeah, come on, bitches, step up.

[Allison Rosen]

Same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the best orderer.

[Dave Dameshek]

I'm the best orderer of food.

[Adam Carolla]

I take it off before.

[Dave Dameshek]

I'm not saying top 10, top 5. I'm the best order of food of anyone I know. When I'm in a restaurant, I defy anyone. My batting average is save one or two bad choices. Over the last 20 years as an adult, I have been hitting home runs in restaurants over and over again.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask you guys if this is rude or not? Because I wanted to do it on Friday night. When you ask what the specials are and they. If you're sitting with other adults, if you're out with your friends and they go to specials, well, they go into this thing where they go, well, we have. We have an oyster chutney, something, something. And you can't. In your mind, you just want to go fast forward, go to the next one. You don't have to get through all the demi glaze and this and that and the other. Because I'm already off with the oyster chutney. You know, we're moving on. But there's four other adults at the table. Maybe one of them wants some oyster chutney. But when you're out with your kids, it was just me and my kids. Just me, Sonny, Natalia on Friday night, and she was giving the specials, and I wanted to do the Roll it.

[Dave Dameshek]

Don't eat them. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Roll it. I want them. But you started off with this is a sea bass. And it's like I just roll it to the next. I'm not in the mood for fish. And by the way, the kids are getting spaghetti with, you know, butter and cheese, so forget about them. But I didn't want to be rude, but I also felt like it was weird. You know, why she didn't want to do it?

[Brian Bishop]

Either way, I can't give her the cue, is because I feel like that whole thing is a delicate latticework of words, and I don't know that they can go to the next one without

[Dave Dameshek]

forgetting it's a monologue, and if you disrupt the monologue, she'll lose her voice.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like, what's the second line of pledge of allegiance?

[Adam Carolla]

I gotcha.

[Dave Dameshek]

That's interesting. Was anybody else interested in the. In the oyster chutney?

[Adam Carolla]

Olga. Olga. Olga.

[Dave Dameshek]

What? I was listening to the waiter. All right, so with that being said, it's even Steven for Dave d'. Amoshek.

[Adam Carolla]

So instead, a late ad.

[Dave Dameshek]

Three, in fact. Brian Corolla, Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

One, two, and three. Taste the blaster. Cream, cream, cream. That's it. I'm done. All right. John Densmore out there. God knows how he would describe what just happened to his agent who's on the phone. There's some guy from the 40s talking about his hiccups. I don't know what it is. He got a blaster out. I don't know what's going on. All right, before we bring. That fellow was swell.

[Dave Dameshek]

He was the bee's knees, the cat's pajamas, and so on.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, good news. Mother's Day coming up right around the corner. Proflowers has you cover cover. They have dozen one dozen rainbow roses, just $19.99. Or you can double that, you get two dozen, you get the premium pink vase. That's right. I say vase for just. And you get some chocolates as well for just $29.98. That's 50% off. Stuff used to be expensive. Now, boom. Shows up right to the door. Mama opens it, she's delighted, puts the little seasoning packet in the water there. Goes on for at least a week. Hell, I get two weeks out of my Proflowers roses. And currently awarded highest Customer Satisfaction by J.D. power Associates. I wonder if they ever rate themselves. Who's the number one rater? Whoa. 26 years of running. Nice work, fellas. We should all send ourselves some Proflowers. Yep, they got an amazing deal. Go to proflowers.com, click on the microphone in the top right corner and type in ACE. That is proflowers.com. click on the microphone promo code ACE. Order now. Great. Sponsors offer expires soon. So let's get on this bad boy. All right, the great Dave Danishek, everyone. Dave Danishek football program is the podcast. It's out on iTunes. The website davedamic.NFL.com and you can Twitter himshek. We'll bring in the legendary John Densmore from the Doors. Next, The Adam Carolla show honors journalistic excellence with another great moment in local news. Reefer Madness. As a California college student in a bit of trouble tonight, you're looking at a more than two and a half pound marijuana joint. Police say a student at UC Santa Cruz made the giant joint as part of a 420 celebration over the weekend. Suspect was arrested for possessing more than

[Allison Rosen]

an ounce of population.

[Adam Carolla]

This video already has about 100,000 hits on YouTube. The Spirit of Murrow and Cronkite live on. Now back to the Adam Carolla show. John Densmore from the Doors, of course, has joined us in studio. The book is called the Doors Unhinged, available on Amazon. And you know what to do. If you're going to go to Amazon, go to AdamCoroll.com click through the banner on our website. Great. See you, John. I'm a big Doors fan.

[John Densmore]

Well, thank you, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

I have many questions. One is, I thought Val Kilmer should have been nominated or at least won the Academy Award for his portrayal of Jim Morrison, because he was Jim Morrison to me. Eight seconds into that movie and I never looked back. I never questioned a thing. He was Jim all the way through. But as someone who knew, Jim Morrison was it to you, Adam, I have

[John Densmore]

said that in interviews 20 or 30 times that he should have been nominated. He gave me the creeps on the set. I thought Jim came on to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, no, I got it right. I get you now.

[John Densmore]

Well, yeah, yeah. I'm not really into guys, but he's a looker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you'll never make it in the NBA. He was crazy.

[John Densmore]

So wait, wait, let me say, you know, I mean, like, I thought Jim was back. For a second there, it was just like, outrageous. It was close.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the tallest order. I mean, when you're portraying, you know, an artist who's only paints with their left foot or whatever it is, that's fine. But portraying somebody that everyone knows, you heard the singing voice, you've seen. I mean, when he's doing that photo session and stuff, it's. He just. He became Jim Morrison. He just was him. Yeah, definitely bearded. Put the weight on. He did the singing in the movie as well.

[John Densmore]

The weights, a little padding under the

[Adam Carolla]

shirt, you know, but still, that's a talented actor stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

A.

[John Densmore]

Here's the Val Kilmer story. I'm hanging with him on the set, and a few months later, I'm surfing the TV and. And Tombstone is on, and I'm watching it for about a half an hour before I realize it's him.

[Adam Carolla]

That means he's a good actor.

[John Densmore]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, so I. And I loved, you know, my thing. I love that movie. I love the Doors movie. And I read no one gets out of here alive. Did I screw that up or get that right? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

No one here gets out alive.

[Adam Carolla]

No one here gets out alive. I always screwed up, but the movie, I felt sort of high when I left that movie. Like, I felt like I was on. I took some peyote and went out to the desert and became the Lizard King Floyd.

[Brian Bishop]

Red Crow. Westerman was inside him.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[John Densmore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And that's what I love about Oliver Stone.

[John Densmore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm sure he's a colossal blowhard, but still, that was a nice piece of filmmaking.

[John Densmore]

Great. Well, he says, if you don't like your foot on my chest, don't go to my movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Densmore]

Well, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

And what is when you saw most times, when you take the people who were there firsthand and you show them this thing that someone else created, saying, well, this is how it was, they just shake their head and go. They're not even close. But that movie to you, not only a great movie, but fairly accurate. Very accurate.

[John Densmore]

In this book, I write about how Amy Madigan, Ed Harris's wife, says to me at a party when they're shooting the Oliver Stone movie, they're going to take a six year career and cram it into two hours. It's going to be an impressionistic painting. Don't get too crazy. I was already kind of right. I'd say a third of it is fiction, but it's a beautiful sort of impressionistic painting.

[Adam Carolla]

And the story for you goes. How. How do you meet the fellas? How does it all. What's. Where do you grow up? What's your background and how's it all come together? Let's just start from the beginning. I just love this. I love this story.

[John Densmore]

Well, Robby Krieger and I, he's the guitar player, are taking then legal psychedelics, but we're realizing it's kind of shattering on the nervous system. So maybe this meditation thing would be cool. So we go to this Maharishi meditation class two years before the Beatles. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

We talk in 66, 67, 65.

[John Densmore]

And Ray is there and he says, oh, I hear you're a drummer. Come down and jam. And then I go down to his garage without Robby, and there's this guy lurking in the corner who's sitting so shy, it's ridiculous. And Ray says, this is the new lead singer. I said, okay. And he. He won't even look at us. And. And. But then he hands me a crumpled piece of paper that says, day destroys the night, night divides the day Tried to run, tried to hide Break on through the other side oh, man, I'm gonna drum to that.

[Adam Carolla]

Which I always thought of. I. I love that song, but I always sort of thought of. That is almost the first punk rock song. Like, it had a drive to it. It was kind of angry. And I don't mean angry like you can almost hear it. But I remember having this thought many years ago. This, you know, when I started listening to Joe Jackson and Elvis Costello and people like that, you know, late 70s, early 80s. It was like fast, short, angry to the point, and kind of built to a crescendo at the end. But it had a hook to it. And I thought this kind of is sort of punk in a way. Before punk was around.

[John Densmore]

I used to say that. LA Woman, our last album, was the first punk album because we made it in our rehearsal studio cheap and just fucked the mistakes and the feeling. And the next album, I think was My Aim Is True by Elvis Costello for about ten grand, I thought. Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

It was always eerie. I remember I was installing closets at the time, someone's house. And when I was working installing closets, and they were playing Riders on the Storm, and they were explaining that Jim had died before this song had been mastered or been whatever. And the stuff was added on to it, the rain and that kind of stuff. But the DJ was saying that he was gone before this song came out. And I thought that was. That was eerie to me. Okay, I don't know if that's correct or not.

[Caller/Euphasio]

We.

[John Densmore]

We put the rain and thunder on when we mixed it. It was really fun. It was like playing God. We had one machine for constant rain and thunder and then occasional thunderclaps. Right after something, we wanted a solo or whatever. So Jim had gone to Paris and la. No, no Lover Madly was the hit single, right. And then the record company was saying, wow, it's doing great. Maybe Riders could be the second single. And that's when Jim called me and asked me what was up. And I said, wow, it's doing great. Riders. Yeah, is. And he went, cool. And then I never saw him again.

[Adam Carolla]

When you found out that he'd passed away, were you surprised or did you almost. You know, there are people in all of our lives where if you heard they passed away, you'd go, I'm sad, but I'm not shocked.

[John Densmore]

It's a mixture of both. I didn't quite believe it. I thought, oh, he's just going to be an Irish drunk who lives to 80, right?

[Brian Bishop]

How did you find out?

[John Densmore]

Ray and I and Robbie were actually jamming at our rehearsal studio. And it was two weeks after McCartney rumors he was dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right.

[John Densmore]

So we told our manager, well, just get on a plane Right now and go see if it's true. And he came back and said, it's true, and he's buried. Whoa.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[John Densmore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it was back. I mean, obviously now you'd know.

[Brian Bishop]

Just check Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd know very quickly if this happened back then. And, yeah, there's a McCartney thing. Yeah. I've been to his grave site in Paris, by the way. Yeah. First I walked through the catacombs to see all the skulls. I was. You know, it was a feel good, uplifted field trip. Has anyone ever been to those catacombs? It's crazy.

[Allison Rosen]

Been the one. The Vatican, but that's similar.

[Adam Carolla]

Little. You walk down a whole bunch of stairs. Next thing you know, you're three, four stories under Paris, and there's just bones and skulls just piled up. And then after that, to feel better, we went to go see Jim Morrison's grave. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But sorry, I cut off your answering Adam's question of did you expect it at all, or did you not see that coming at all?

[John Densmore]

I knew he was different the minute I met him, you know, And I said to Robbie, whoa. And Robbie said, charisma. Okay. But, you know, what do you think it really was? Oh, alcoholism. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

He drank that much?

[John Densmore]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And what was the story? I know his. I think his father was a rear admiral.

[John Densmore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But why did he have a falling out with his parents? He would do interviews and say his parents are dead or his dad's dead and that kind of stuff. What, was there a lot of animos? Did they hang out ever? Did they talk? Did you ever see him, Adam?

[John Densmore]

It's him saying his parents were deceased in the original bio is a metaphor for the period of the 60s when it was polarized into for and against the Vietnam War, and the whole country was that way. And Jim's dad was on an aircraft carrier fighting the war. And we wrote the Unknown Soldier, which is sort of. And so there was this tension, but this lawsuit I got into, the sweet thing about it was I met Jim's dad for the first time. He came to defend his son's legacy. Even after all of that.

[Adam Carolla]

What was the lawsuit about? And I know that's what's chronicled in the book.

[John Densmore]

Yeah. The Doors were knocked off their hinges for a couple years with Ray and Robbie thinking that they could go on without Jim, let alone yours truly, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[John Densmore]

The Stones without Mick and the Police without Sting. Founding members of the Doors is cool. Former, you know, but.

[Adam Carolla]

And they just want to be the Doors.

[John Densmore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Was. Was there So, I mean, obviously you have people like. The Doors are one of the biggest bands on the planet. They're selling tons and tons of records. There's a whole machine that's around them, record guys and agents and PR people and everything. And so everyone goes into that. Well, it's so sad that Jim's passed, and, boy, this is tough. And then a week later, someone looks around and goes, we're not going to stop this cash machine from rolling down the highway anymore. Were there conversations about who we can get from other bands or who. Who can step up?

[John Densmore]

Well, we didn't want to replace him. So we made a couple albums with Ray and Robbie trying to sing. But immediately Madison Avenue was on it. Because the Rolling Stone had Jim on the COVID saying, he's hot, he's sexy, and he's dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. Yeah. So did you get. Was there any weird people who called? Like, I was just watching behind the Music, and they were doing Deep Purple and they were showing all the lead singers that kind of went through that revolving door. And here comes David Coverdale, and he's working at a shoe store or something, and he just sends his tape in. Is there any names or anybody that tried to come at you or that tried to jump ship or that you remember?

[John Densmore]

We were kicking around a few names. Joe Cocker. I can't think of any right now, but, you know, it's hard to fill those leather pants.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I. I. The. The thing that's crazy about Jim Morrison is. I mean, he had the look, he had the sound, he had the charisma, he had the whatever. It's the fact that he. I think, what, 27 when he died.

[John Densmore]

The 27 Club, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There were Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin. I'm trying to think, what. Who's that?

[Allison Rosen]

Kirk Cobain, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Kirk?

[John Densmore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah. Insane.

[John Densmore]

I wax on a little bit about that club. In this book, there's an African mythology that the elders are supposed to watch the kids from 14 to 27. And this mythology was going on thousands of years ago. So that's a pivotal age.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad would have made a horrible African elder because he's like, hey, you're 18 and a half. Go get out of the garage. Time to get a gig. Go get a fucking apartment. Three guys.

[John Densmore]

I mean, if you're in your early 20s, you're immortal. Late 20s. Oh, you might get married and have kids.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So now the lawsuit became about the name and who owned the name and what to do with the name.

[John Densmore]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

And I know that When. When Jim Morrison passed away, then all the stuff, all this stuff ended up with his wife. Right, right. And then she killed herself or OD'd or something shortly thereafter. Right. I mean, it wasn't that long.

[John Densmore]

Yeah. She died of substance abuse. Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, a year or so after a couple. And then all the money ended up in her family.

[John Densmore]

Yeah. But then Jim's parents came around and her parents graciously said, all right, we'll split it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because it's kind of weird that all of a sudden you have this, I don't know, 20 something year old daughter, she ODs, and all of a sudden you have millions and millions of dollars coming your way from the son in law. You probably didn't even like. I don't know how her family was, but it would seem only right that the Morrison name should get. Even though he said he was dead to him. So now how does it. How do all the royalties and all the things work out?

[John Densmore]

It's the same because Jim couldn't play an instrument or a chord on anything he said. How do you do this? How do you write songs? Let's split everything. Let's split the money. Let's give the writing credit to the Doors instead of me as the lyricist, which is a very cool gesture. And let's have veto power in case anybody gets weird. I've used that quite a bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

What did that mean? Anyone could veto anything at any point.

[John Densmore]

Yeah. It's got to be unanimous. And then the lawsuit was about that too.

[Adam Carolla]

And so the Doors generate through publishing and through whatever. Still millions and millions of dollars yearly. Right.

[John Densmore]

We all have a nice house and not as many groovy cars as you, but a couple.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're going off to the Rock and Roll hall of Fame tomorrow.

[John Densmore]

Yeah, and I'm just doing a reading and a book signing and then I'm going to New York on Friday, gonna do something with Mr. Fallon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, cool. And how so are you?

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I'm always curious about people who were in something that was so massive that sometimes they have this period where they want to get away from it. And then at some point it seems like they have this realization that this is who they are and that they should embrace it. So did you ever have a time, like, are you happy just to be the ambassador for the Doors, basically? Or was there a time, I don't know, in the early 80s or mid. Let's see, when he died in 70. Trying to think of when he died, 69, 70, 71. Was there a time in 1976 when you're like, I don't want to be known as the Doors guy. I want to make my own music. I want to. I'd like to leave this behind like, like actors will do with a sitcom.

[John Densmore]

Yeah, there's a little of that. And in my first self centered memoir, Riders on the Storm, I said I guess of the Doors is permanently etched on my forehead and. And I'm proud of it. You know, when you're not the lead singer, you're just on the side of that bright spotlight and you only get singed a little bit. Dangerous right in the middle there.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the fact that the Doors were doing things like Crystal Ship, stuff like that. Just stuff like Show Me the Way the next Whiskey Barns, that kind of stuff that, that had nothing to do with anything. I mean, of its time. Like, see, sometimes when you hear some of that British Invasion stuff, like the Beatles came around and then everyone went, come on everyone. Paul Revere and the Raiders. Come on, everyone, everyone jump on everyone jump on this bandwagon and let's see how much money we can make in 10 minutes. They were just. The Doors were just doing whatever the Doors were doing. It didn't seem to be connected to anything. And that's why I can listen to it today and not think about a specific year that it came out, you know, so it's like all that sort of Summer of Love 1969 shit. And even the psychedelic stuff. I mean, hell, Ted Nugent was doing psychedelic stuff just because I'm sure someone from the label said, do some psychedelic shit.

[John Densmore]

Yeah, I think because we were this melting pot. I was a jazz freak and Ray was classical and the blues from Chicago and Robbie Flamenco and Jim read every friggin book on the planet. So it was just like American gumbo or something that came out kind of unique.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it also nuts that there was no bass player in the band? I don't know how many bands don't have a bass player. There's plenty that don't have a guy playing the organ but not playing the bass. It's almost like you start with the drums, then you go to the bass and then you just keep building from there. It's like a salad with no lettuce. We had funky lettuce, but you know what I'm saying.

[John Densmore]

We auditioned several bass players, one being a girl. We were ahead of our time, but it made us sound like another white blues band, like the Stones. And then Ray stumbled onto this keyboard bass and so we went with that. And it kind of left a hole. More room for me to show off. Anyway, and. And we were playing Fillmore or Avalon, and the guy, Owsley, who made all the LSD way back, he came back and said, you guys got a hole in your sound. You need a bass, something. And he left. And I said to Ray, hey, if we're making the Acid King nervous, we're onto something.

[Brian Bishop]

Which is your favorite album?

[John Densmore]

I love L A Woman. I love Strange Days, the second album. Because we got relaxed in the studio, we weren't worried about all this technology.

[Adam Carolla]

Favorite song?

[John Densmore]

Oh, man. All of them. Adam, L.A. woman. The song has a great groove and if I do say so.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[John Densmore]

And in the middle, Jim had this thing, Mr. Mojo Rising. And I got. Mojo was a sexual term. So I say, let's slow it down and speed it up like an orgasm, right. Only it was seven minutes and by the end I wanted to approximate the same tempo was on the front of the tune five minutes earlier. And I. I overshot it at him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Premature E. It happens to the best of us. Yeah. And it's also a time. I don't think DJs will play seven minute songs anymore. Everything's got to be. Everything's got to be. Well, they don't even have dj, so there's none of that going on. But, yeah, this is. It's a good drumming song too.

[John Densmore]

Yeah, it's a good Freeway song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like I'm moving forward. One of the nicest. I've said it before, but my friend who passed away recently, you all know, is Philip the Juggler. He and I drove from. See, we were in Nevada, but we were in a lake. Let's see, where the hell are we? We drove through Yosemite, we drove back to LA and Mammoth. We're in Tahoe. I think we're in Tahoe. We drove. I don't know if we drove through Mammoth. Anyway, we started off in Tahoe and we said, we're driving. We're driving through Yosemite and driving back to la. And all we had was Best of the Doors. And we just put it on there and we just played it and we just drove and we just looked at the scenery.

[John Densmore]

Okay, well, in this book I got a quote from this great novelist, local guy, what's his name? John Scone. And he says the Doors music is like, you know, you're driving down Sunset and you hit a curve and the car goes off into the sky and you're definitely listening to Riders on the Storm or something.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, well, that's where we were just driving through these incredible. That, that highway between, I don't know, Tahoe and Mammoth or Tah or Mammoth and in la or. Or Yosemite, I don't know, I can't remember which stretch is. It's a, It's a great stretch of highway. And if the Eagles are playing, you'll be annoyed. That's what I'm saying. Ruin the fucking drive. You'll be late. You'll be late. And if I heard, I've heard, I heard dirty laundry two times in less than 30 hours and I want to fucking kill myself. So the point is, we listened to the doors and it was just. It was magical. And now that my friend is not with us anymore, I hearken back to that ride as a magical moment. John Densmore, I know you've got a flight to catch, so we're gonna let you go. The Doors. Unhinged is the name of the book. It's available on Amazon. Thank you so much for coming in. And come back anytime you like.

[John Densmore]

Cool.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we will. I think we'll just keep it going here. We'll do some, do some news with Allison Rosen. I will queue up one of my fine, fine sponsors. Thank you, John.

[John Densmore]

Adioska.

[Adam Carolla]

LegalZoom, baby. Apropos legal Zoom. We put it to the test. Dawson, he set up an LLC with these guys. Yeah, boss. I was inspired by you, you know, getting my own thing going. Not really a pirate ship, more of like a raiding party. So I, I tried to incorporate inner tube. Yeah, a guy sitting on it with a half open beer. I'm so six pack in the middle between the legs. Absolutely. Trying to incorporate on my own was a ridiculous nightmare. There's too many forms, too many fees, and you search for online help and every single online forum seems to contradict each other. So I went to legalzoom.com 30 minutes later, my work was done. I saved time, I saved money because I entered Adam in the referral box at checkout. And it's a huge relief knowing it's all done. But more importantly, done right. Well, if you want to start an s Corp nonprofit, LegalZoom takes care LLC like Dawson takes care of you. Start to finish, start your business [e-mail]. legalZoom is not a law firm, but they can connect you to an attorney and provide self help services of yourself. Specific direction for even more savings. Enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Start your business, protect your family and safeguard your [e-mail]. all right. Should we do a little news? Yes, the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off. Was if it can't.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't get the doors unhinged thing until halfway through. I mean, did you get it right away?

[Adam Carolla]

I did, but like I said, I used to hang doors.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. So you think about doors and hinges.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Unfair advantage.

[Brian Bishop]

I was a huge doors fan, so that was super cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that was fun. They have, by the way. Yeah. I don't want to get into hinge specific, but you know, as you know, I don't call them. John's back, by the way. Signed, I hope. Signed a book for me. Thanks, John. I don't call them French doors. I call them freedom doors. That's me.

[Brian Bishop]

It's beautiful. All right, so the mother of the Boston bombers is in the news still because it turns out that Russian authorities had been listening in on her phone calls.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's not the Russia I know, but keep going.

[Brian Bishop]

And in one she was, they say, vaguely discussing jihad with her elder son.

[Adam Carolla]

Vaguely like a dusting of jihad?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. There was no specific plans or anything, but just that it had come up.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll happen with me and my mom when we're talking muffins, you know, I'd be like, be sad if something happened to that muffin shop, wouldn't it, Mom?

[Allison Rosen]

What do you mean sad?

[Dave Dameshek]

Like what?

[Adam Carolla]

Like a blow up or something.

[Allison Rosen]

I would be sad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Be a lot of poppy seed in the air.

[Caller/Euphasio]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Pretty bad for everyone involved, all the infidel, I mean, locals.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She just seems like a colossal piece of shit.

[Brian Bishop]

And she. So she's been wearing the hijab and talking about 911 being a plot against Muslims. I mean, she herself has become more. I mean, they're not using the word radicalized, but more religious. Let's say she was not always the case. We're looking at a photo of her right now looking kind of like Austin Powers. Then there's another. There's another photo of her where she has this like crazy ratted up 80s hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

some point she became much more, I don't know, religious.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, to me, your kids are sort of like a dog. And when your dog bites somebody, you get sued. And I know at a certain point the kid becomes an adult and there's not much you can do because the Dog doesn't live in your yard anymore. But wouldn't you guys. And don't give me this slippery slope bullshit. Wouldn't you guys like a society where when something happens. Meaning your kid shoots up a movie theater or heats up a crock pot, tries to take out some marathon runners, wouldn't you like a system where we went, let's check with moms and pops. I want to see what's going on. And if I find out that there's a lot of jihad talk around the dinner table and. Or a lot of putting out the cigarettes on the ass when you're being anally violated by dad who was drunk, then some of this is going to fall in his lap. Pardon the pun. Because there's one thing. It's one thing when the dog goes rogue, but it's another thing when the dog was severely beaten and kept in the basement and malnourished. And then the dog gets out and the dog starts running amok.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And when mama's talking jihad, then obviously. I mean, let's just put it this way.

[Brian Bishop]

And conspiracy theories.

[Adam Carolla]

If Dr. Drew and his wife raised these two kids, do you think they would have killed people in Boston?

[Brian Bishop]

I suspect not.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably not.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So parenting has an effect, does it? Or does it not? Like, I. You know, we could. We all agree, we do this thing all the time where we go, hey, parenting. You gotta read to your kids. You have to talk to your kids. Schwimmer, we need another psa. Talk to your kids. Not about jihad, but talk to your kids.

[Allison Rosen]

ADR at the end.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the super fucking. No shit, Sherlock PSAs. Hey, talk to your kids. Like, oh, I was gonna have no communication with my children. I was using a dry erase board. But what are you saying, Schwitter, put down the dry erase board. Is getting lightheaded from the fumes.

[Allison Rosen]

Didn't we do this 10 years ago? No, we're encouraging them. Not talk about jihad this time. More specific.

[Adam Carolla]

So more jihad talk?

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

That's none, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

So the smattering of jihad talk.

[Brian Bishop]

We're looking for. None.

[Adam Carolla]

Just read the dry. I don't do zero jihad talk in my PSAs. And even the ones involving water skiing safety have some jihad sprinkled in.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're looking for.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is this. We've all figured out that read to your kids, get to them early and often and tell them about drugs. Talk to them about alcohol. Talk to them about safe sex. Talk to them so the parents can have a positive effect in a child. And A young person's life. Right. We all. We get it. What about the negative side? Can't a parent turn a kid into a little bit of a beast that society has to deal with?

[Brian Bishop]

The question of. Because, you know, you're talking about two different or two things which can create a beast, which is mistreatment and neglect. Or what if the parents share these ideologies?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but if you take a look at any kid, or not any, but 90 whatever percent of the Aryan nation, any one of these kids, dad filled them with a bunch of poison at some point. 90 something percent of the time, once in a while, some guy goes rogue and he goes against his parents, but for the most part, Daddy's filling his head. Now you've now created a young racist who could possibly act out. Then when the guy goes and shoots up some people, goes down to the synagogue to burn it. Was that kind of on you? Is that kind of on the parents? So I always want everything to be on the parents. Now again, we could look into it and turn out these guys were fine and the kid just went rogue. But if they didn't, I want the fucking parents discipline and I want a message to all parents if you. Your kid, meaning your dog, gets out of your gate and goes and bites society in the ass. Coming for you.

[Brian Bishop]

The fertilizer plant that blew up in west Texas. We're revisiting stories, big stories that have updates. Turns out it had 1,350 times the amount of explosives it should have. It was only supposed to have 400.

[Adam Carolla]

They refer to it as fertilizer, by the way. Just on the plant, you know, they don't call it.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

I think they just call it fertilizer, possibly product. One guy called it explosives. I think it was dismissed. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't call that little packet of flower food explosives.

[Adam Carolla]

I try not to.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Yeah. It was supposed to have less than 400 pounds of ammonium nitrate, but instead it had 270 tons of the substance. And 400 pounds is the threshold where the plant would have had to inform the Department of homeland Security.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So here's what's going on. Ever since Timmy McVeigh got the Ryder truck and packed it full of fertilizer, people started realizing, just like, if you're buying sudafed, hey, you're buying a case of that stuff. Maybe you're cooking meth. We'll put a limit on this. Which is kind of sad because I like to make a fertilizer run like once a year, big time.

[Allison Rosen]

Just go Nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Couple metric tons of fertilizer in the back of the Audi. But now just plant some shit. Yeah. Now especially during bulb season, that's when I go preserve. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

What's your favorite bulb to plant?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I don't want to jinx it.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Because we're pretty near bulb sense.

[Brian Bishop]

Stupid question, really.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I don't like that question.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Too.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, Just came up in the gardening club.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the deal. So in terms of like, CIA, FBI, Homeland Security and all that kind of stuff. Okay. Before 9 11, somebody said, hey, we think that they might try to fly airplanes into buildings. Then you had these guys at a flight school in Florida just wanting to know about taking off. You know, seven 57s but not so interested in the landing part. And a bunch of guys on watch lists and no fucking red flags went up anywhere. And then it's like, all right, well, 9 11. Lesson learned. Well, evidently not. Because the Soviet Union put these guys on their list and they misspelled something on the flight manifest and they got lost. But you watch all those TV shows where, we got 24 hours. We're gonna break this case wide open and blah, blah, blah, and you sort of realize. I'm starting to wonder if we got the best and the brightest.

[Brian Bishop]

It seems like you're starting. I feel like we certainly don't. Loopholes are huge.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of stuff gets fucking swept under the carpet and they miss a lot of stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

By clerical error, these guys are on a list and another country. And it's sort of like when Russia tells you someone is fucked up. That's like when Guns N Roses says, you're too high. You have to leave the band. You're too fucked up for this band.

[Allison Rosen]

Poor Steven Adler.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Like, you're too fucking. Yes, we're into copious amounts of drugs, but even we have limits.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's like getting kicked out of juvenile detention.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. For being too big a badass.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so just let's get on our game here, people, shall we?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you know anyone who works in any capacity where they should be the best and the brightest?

[Adam Carolla]

All I know is I was on a flight a few years ago with a guy who looked like he'd never worn a sport jacket in his life. Like, the guy wears a sport jacket except for, you know, the guys who put him on for weddings and funerals.

[Brian Bishop]

They stand weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Stan, weird. And I was on a flight with a guy and he's a TSA guy, and he was sky cop. And I just said to him, what's up? He's like, first off, he didn't look like he should be in first class. People in first class don't wear sport coats. They wear sweat jackets. But they're rich, you know? And I said to him, what's going on? And he's like, nothing. And I said, what business are you in? And he's like, sky marshal. Don't say anything. Like, I had to a question and a half to crack him.

[Allison Rosen]

You wrung it out of him.

[Adam Carolla]

You come up with something like, you know, I make plumbing couplers.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's how I'll be the sky marshal. Here's how you do it. Sky marshals.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Hey, how's it going?

[Dave Dameshek]

It's good.

[Allison Rosen]

Thanks.

[Dave Dameshek]

How are you?

[Adam Carolla]

What business you in?

[Allison Rosen]

Definitely not sky marshaling.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's the answer.

[Allison Rosen]

Threw you off the scent. You're totally 100 degrees other way.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. So, yeah, you kind of wonder. And then you hear about the guys in the boat, and he doesn't have a gun. First off, after the shootout, don't they have a bird in the air? Like, one of my friends said to me that this big shootout in the middle of Boston, and the guy just gets away. Like, where's the guy go? Like, how does he just get away? You don't have a couple helicopters in the air with the spotlight going. He's running down the. Whatever. You just stand. You're gonna stand in the middle of Boston, shoot it out, and then you're just gonna all be gone for a while now. Be gone for the weekend.

[Brian Bishop]

How easy is it to lose someone?

[Adam Carolla]

I. Evidently, there should have been a

[Brian Bishop]

ton of them there.

[Adam Carolla]

I've seen the town much easier, much easier than you think. And then he's in the boat. He doesn't have a gun. They're opening fire on there. Like, we're getting news reports that he shot himself. But then they don't find a gun in the thing. It's all kind of fucked up. The LAPD is shooting up. The two Mexican ladies are sleeping in the tundra. It's not as good as it should be.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The FDA is going to be investigating foods that have added caffeine, because right now, trail mix potato chips and gum have extra caffeine, because who doesn't need more energy in their trail mix potato chips and gum? And they're saying that it hasn't really adequately been studied.

[Adam Carolla]

Potato chips.

[Allison Rosen]

There's certain brands or varieties, right? Not all potatoes.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, not all of them. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Jolt potato chips.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, they're calling it something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, okay, that would be fun. Alert Energy gum. Oh, I said alert by Wrigley.

[Adam Carolla]

I said alert the exact same time you said the word alert.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Freak out. I'm trying to find the name of Alert Energy Jumps. You want to be alert? By the way, you try out one of our new sponsors. Onit.com that's O N N I T.com professional athletes and top medical professionals got together. They create food supplements, jump ropes. I was using their jump rope tonight. Look at me. My legs have never looked sexier. Hey, fellas, I'm ready for summer. I like the people that are ready for summer. Yeah. They have a product, Alpha brain. You just put it on, just gives you laser beam focus. And good friend Joe Rogan uses this stuff. He's in with these guys. He takes the alpha brain before he does the UFC broadcast, before he does a standup. Plus, supplements for your mood performance. They got hemp protein called Hemp Force. Stuff's awesome. Try this stuff. Just a whole bunch of really good stuff. All just high end supplements except equipment. Whatever you need, you go to onnit.com Adam that is O N N I T.com Adam. 10% off your order, 100% satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. That makes sense because if you weren't satisfied but then went, well, what are you going to do when we guarantee you'd be satisfied but you chose not to, but you were not parting with our money, then that wouldn't make sense at all. Onit.com 2ns/adam. All right, sorry. Where was you?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I was gonna say, how much energy do we need and do we really need to get our caffeine from all these different sources? Except I'm yawning. And if there were chips that had caffeine in them right now, I might try them.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, it's a drug. And I mean, not in a bad way, but I mean, we're. It's this weird thing where we're. We're living in a time where we're all trying to do eight things simultaneously. Do you have that feeling?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'm trying to not listen to you and I'm trying to do the show.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the same way. I'm trying to tune myself out. I can't stop my mouth from moving. Oh, God. I'm trying to. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Super overwhelmed. Always.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I got a book Proposal. I want to do a documentary on Paul Newman's driving. I've got a rom com I'm working on. I got to talk to my kids. Schwimmer told me to talk to the kids. I got to talk to them.

[Allison Rosen]

Just combine all these into one.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a business to run over here. There's so much junk going on, and I feel like there's not enough hours in the day.

[Brian Bishop]

But do you feel like these extra bursts of. Of caffeine or what have you. Does that help?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I was having a heart to heart with my makeup lady at O'Reilly today, because that's what you get a lot of. Makeup lady. I never thought. It's a weird thing because there's no. There's no makeup lady that I've ever had where she says, I love vintage car racing and the Rams and masturbation and podcasts. Like, we never, never. Makeup ladies are their own breed.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like I know where you're going with this, and I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I've had makeup ladies that wanted to talk about their birds and how their birds thought they were people and other birds knew what they were thinking and things like that.

[Brian Bishop]

You end up saying, oh, really? Your bird said that you are.

[Adam Carolla]

You're captive. You're captive. Yeah. You're Sagittarius. Yeah. So there's a lot of that. Lot of converse. All makeup ladies, they're either nuts or super nuts. There's not a sort of in between.

[Brian Bishop]

They won't meet you halfway either. You have to go all the way to the nuts side of the street and talk about it.

[Adam Carolla]

And so the first thing I end up doing is having conversations like, well, I have combination skin with an oily T zone. Like, stuff I never thought I'd discuss with anybody. Then they're, you know, they're applying the makeup, and it's gonna take 15 minutes. And you don't realize it's not two of you sitting at a sports bar watching a TV set. It's just the two of you in a room while one applies makeup to the other one. So you find yourself sort of sitting there and.

[Brian Bishop]

And a lot of bosoms in your face. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Once in a while, you elbow the bosom and then it's unclear. Like, should you say sorry or pretend like it didn't happen or, like, but

[Brian Bishop]

they're used to it.

[Adam Carolla]

What's bosom etiquette here? So a lot. I had one woman, when I did Loveline who held her dog. Held her dog and applied makeup with the other Hand, the free hand. It's not a two handed gig, you know, so there's that. There's always a little, there's always a little stuff with the lip gloss, the Vaseline thing to get smear it. Sometimes they put it on a little knife and they'll put it on your finger. Other times they don't like it when you don't want to put your finger on their Vaseline thing.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know that they put Vaseline on men's lips.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll do it because it'll get dry and they'll just, they'll do it. Then they tell you wipe it off, it'll look too shiny, you'll be too kissable, if that's possible. Corolla.

[Allison Rosen]

Are there makeup guys and are they equally kooky?

[Adam Carolla]

Rarely. Makeup guys, there's all, there's hair guys that are kooky, there's makeup women that are kooky. And like I said, they range from a little bit kooky to super, off the charts kooky. But like I said, there is no such thing as one where we can just talk about engines or turbochargers or transmissions or anything like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Occasionally they'll be like, so what are you going to talk about on the show? But that is never a fulfilling conversation. No.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's a lot of you sitting there. And the conversation I had today was about napping. Now this is something I can sink my teeth into.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. It's a meaty topic.

[Adam Carolla]

We need to nap and we, somewhere around 3, 3:30 in the afternoon, need to go down for 20 minutes and we'll have a good night or we'll finish the rest of our workday and be productive. We've powered through that with a sort of, you know, energy drink or whatever we're doing. Everyone should just spread it out about 3 o', clock, it's 20 minutes, it doesn't take an hour.

[Allison Rosen]

And you always hear those studies about like, you know, more productive or CEOs or VPs, you know, better take naps, they're better. But then it always ends up like, yeah, but you do feel kind of lazy or that person.

[Adam Carolla]

I do feel like Italy and Mexico is kind of fucking the nap up for us.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks.

[Allison Rosen]

Siestas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, because they've taken it a little like we're shutting down the shop from 12:30 to about 4 in the afternoon. Like I didn't say fuck it, go to bed for a second time. I said take a 20 minute nap.

[Brian Bishop]

See, I always think I'm going to Take. I think I should take a nap. I could go lay down in my bed or I could just go relax and take a little snoozeroony on the couch. And then I start checking Twitter and then I'm back at my computer. Like it never. I think for it to work you have to be in your bed.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the same way. And I'm secretly envious and violent when I think about this person. You ever meet this person? Where they go. I lay down about, about 5 o' clock and I was going to take a 20 minute nap and I woke up at 3:45 in the morning. Like, how fucking out of it can you be? Like, I don't know, man, I just slept there. It's like. Were you darted? No, man, I just. I guess I was really tired. Like I really tired. But you just fucking went all the way through.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, I didn't know if it was 3:45 in the morning or 3:45 the next afternoon.

[Adam Carolla]

I fucking hate that.

[Brian Bishop]

I wake up every half hour.

[Adam Carolla]

I abso. Fucking lutely. All right, let's bring it home, baby.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip Aid Khan.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, National Academy of Sports Medicine. This is what you should be doing if you're not doing anything else. Like I said, you know, when I was 19, when I was 20, I was rudderless. I just, I didn't even. Oh, forget about the rudder. I was taking on water, just walking through town going, do I want to be an ambulance driver or butcher or fireman? No direction whatsoever. So I wasted my life. I went to junior college. I sat around and rotted there. And then I just started picking up garbage on a construction site, just living like a raccoon.

[Allison Rosen]

So you're saying don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, no. Oh, it worked for him.

[Allison Rosen]

I shouldn't say anything. I shouldn't. I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying don't do that. Stop wasting time. Forget those horrible dead end jobs. National Academy of Sports Medicine, they guarantee you'll get a job within 90 days of earning your personal trainer certification or your money back. And this is a gig that I did like, except for I only got 20 bucks. I did privates and I charged people 20 bucks an hour. I should have charged more.

[Allison Rosen]

You did privates.

[Adam Carolla]

Kimmel got a break. Yep. Fitness industry industry is booming and there's huge demand for certified personal trainers. And you're going to earn a ton of money. And again, stay in shape, have fun. I liked my gig Like I said, I never it's too stupid to get certified make any money. But it was a fun gig. And they have a free 14 day sneak peek. You can go to usatrainer.com usatrainer.com, fun easy online. That's USA Trainer. All right. I want to thank the great John Densmore for coming out the doors unhinged because they got hinges on them doors. You see also Dave Damaschek as well and the Doors book available on Amazon. You know what to do us with Jeff Ross at Amalfi coming up on Wednesday and me and Drew heading to Napa. I think that's about sold out. But I'm gonna be where they make Mangria at California Shiners. Really cool in Napa. That's May 18th and then I'm doing the race the following day. We're doing the show that night. So last time I went out there, shitload of people showed up. We all got drunk and had a good time. So come on out, say Hi, California Shiners. May 18, 6pm in Napa. And until next time, Adam Carolla for John Densmore, Dave Danishek, Allison Rosen and ball Brian Saiyan. Mahalo.

[Dave Dameshek]

I don't understand with so many beautiful women in the world, why you'd want to go for dudes.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's adam Krillis show 1067.

[Adam Carolla]

That does it for this weekend's cruel classics Until Tomorrow Hollow and Get it on Sam. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. If I'm lying, I'm dying free. This is the Munchkin free. This is with movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator. Why are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah. Pluto TV stream now, pay never,

[Brian Bishop]

day or night. VRBoCare is here 247 to help make

[Adam Carolla]

every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready

[Brian Bishop]

whenever you reach out.

[Adam Carolla]

From the moment you book to the moment you head home.

[Brian Bishop]

We're here to help things run smoothly

[Adam Carolla]

because a great trip starts with the right support.

[Brian Bishop]

And hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.

[Adam Carolla]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so

[Allison Rosen]

you never miss a moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. If I'm lying, I'm dying. This is the mantra. With movies like Interstellar Dreamgirls and Gladiator, why are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah. Pluto TV stream now pay Never.