Judd Apatow (2:17)

How much?

Adam Carolla (2:18)

Thousand bucks. I would like. Well, actually 13. $150.

Bald Brian (2:25)

Bet to win 1000.

Adam Carolla (2:27)

I bet the money line. Yeah, that's what you mean, right?

Bald Brian (2:31)

Yeah. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (2:31)

Well, no, not. And bet to win a thousand. I bet the money line.

Bald Brian (2:35)

It was like +135 for the.

Adam Carolla (2:36)

Yeah, no points, right? No points.

Bald Brian (2:39)

You bet the Falcons to win outright for everyone. Wondering.

Adam Carolla (2:41)

Yeah, no points. Yeah. Outright. I still contend I was right in both my predictions.

Bald Brian (2:47)

Man, I was thinking about your voice is echoing in my head for the first half when I was like, the Falcons are going to blow it out. They're going to run away with it. The Patriots aren't going to be able to hang with them. I was, oh, this is going exactly that way. It was 28 to 3.

Adam Carolla (2:57)

Late in the third quarter, I said two things. I said either the Falcons are going to blow them out and the Pats aren't going to stay with them, but if it's a close game, the Patriots

Bald Brian (3:08)

will win and somehow you're right on both sides.

Adam Carolla (3:10)

I was right on both.

Bald Brian (3:11)

That's pretty awesome.

Adam Carolla (3:12)

I was sitting.

Bald Brian (3:12)

You weren't able to profit off of your amazing knowledge.

Adam Carolla (3:15)

Here's how bad it got. Kevin Hench, the biggest insane Patriot fan in the world, and Dickie from the Boss Tones, both sitting in my warehouse watching the game while Kimmel dutifully made smoked wings and drumettes.

Judd Apatow (3:32)

I thought he only ate six days a week. Was this the day he's allowed to eat?

Adam Carolla (3:36)

Yes, this is the day his people eat. Those guys got up about midway, early fourth quarter, dejected and left.

Judd Apatow (3:46)

They trumped it. Isn't that what Trump did?

Adam Carolla (3:48)

Yes.

Judd Apatow (3:48)

He's like best buddies with all those guys. He leaves. My wife tried to leave. She's like, we should go. And I said, I think we gotta give it five more minutes. And there was a moment of tension between us. I'm like, seriously, this is the moment where it's either gonna happen or not. And then she had the greatest night of her life. Because he's cute. You know, that's what you get.

Adam Carolla (4:11)

Sure. Trump, he's good.

Plain White Tees Member (4:12)

Look.

Judd Apatow (4:13)

No, my wife, not Trump. My wife doesn't find Trump good looking, but she finds Tom Brady good looking.

Adam Carolla (4:17)

That makes a lot more sense. Actually. I was on Trump. Sorry, no.

Judd Apatow (4:22)

I think that story got so confusing. You thought I was with Trump?

Adam Carolla (4:26)

No. I know that Trump is a big Robert Kraft guy because I was introduced to him by Trump some years ago.

Bald Brian (4:35)

I wish I thought of this earlier, but was this the best looking matchup of quarterbacks in super bowl history? I wish I had done some research

Judd Apatow (4:40)

on this, but it depends on your taste.

Bald Brian (4:42)

Matt Ryan's easy on the eyes.

Adam Carolla (4:44)

They're both

Bald Brian (4:47)

any Steelers Super Bowl. Right. As a matchup.

Adam Carolla (4:50)

Because he either got Rosberg or Terry Bradshaw. Yeah. Before we take a strong turn for the homoerotic, where were you watching the game?

Judd Apatow (4:58)

We were watching at a friend's house. It was a combo birthday party, super bowl party. And there was, you know, people didn't seem to care much who won most of them, but there was one guy losing his mind. So it was like the whole party was observing one person and then kind of laughing and enjoying his pain. Like, oh, wow, look how much he's suffering. And then slowly he's getting more excited. And then everyone was like, I feel bad cuz now he has hope again. But it's gonna get squashed and he's gonna be in pain again. And that'll be fun to watch. And then we watch this man have levels of joy we've never seen before.

Adam Carolla (5:36)

Your wife, Leslie, is a fan. Patriots.

Judd Apatow (5:40)

Well, we're not Giant football fans. We are pretty lame. End of the season, jump in because, you know, it's getting more exciting fans. And then my wife will generally pick the attractive quarterback. We had.

Adam Carolla (5:59)

We had Dan Dratch, Rachel Dratch's brother, doing a dance in front of the big screen. TV goofy dance. But he can, you know, the guys who dance the best are the guys who can actually sort of dance, but then they take a turn for the goofy. Like I always say, in order to be funny on the piano, you have to be able to play the piano a little bit and then you can be funny.

Judd Apatow (6:22)

That's a Victor Borga move right away.

Adam Carolla (6:24)

That's right. Funny on the piano. Victor Borga. I used to watch commercials when I was a kid for him, like the crown prince of the piano, internationally known. And he'd do this move where he'd go all the way down the keys and then fall off at the end. That was his big move.

Bald Brian (6:43)

That was his closer.

Adam Carolla (6:44)

I remember my grandfather loving him, I think, because my grandfather was Hungarian and Victor Borga was from some neighboring ville or something. And he'd be like, he's a genius. And I'd be like, he's falling off his piano chair. He's 89 years old.

Judd Apatow (6:57)

We don't have any master piano comics these days.

Adam Carolla (7:00)

We should.

Bald Brian (7:01)

There's a real dearth.

Judd Apatow (7:01)

There's a dearth of it. I think they would do well. I think they would do well.

Adam Carolla (7:05)

So the game you watch, you didn't care about. I was watching with a bunch of insane fans. And also I had this bet where I just went, I'm taking them out, right? I'm given no points. I'll take no points. I don't care. I think they blow him out of the water. And at some point when it was 28 to 3, I seemed like a guy knew something. Indeed.

Judd Apatow (7:28)

But did you bet because you actually cared about that team or just you were just trying to make it interesting for yourself?

Adam Carolla (7:39)

I was trying to make it interesting for myself. I also have a lot of folks who like Jimmy and others who have to bet the opposite of how I bet. So they need to know what's going on so that they can place their bets. And I remember one time a few years ago, Jimmy's cousin Sal called me and he said, you know, like on a Friday, and he said, look, you got to get your super bowl bet in. And I said, I'm not betting this year. All I do is lose. I'm not interested. I'm just going to enjoy the game. And he went, well, we really kind of need you to bet. And I said, what is this? I don't want to bet. I'm fine. I was just going to go watch the game, and then I heard Jimmy's voice come in because he was on the line as well, going, hey, we need you to bet. We need to figure out how to bet, and we need to go to the tops of the year. It's like, wow. Thank you. First, I felt, like, simultaneously important and sad at the same time. Like, I guess you really do need me.

Judd Apatow (8:38)

I never liked gambling because I don't get that much pleasure from winning, and I get an enormous amount of pain from losing, and it doesn't even matter if it's like, $5. There's too much suffering versus too little joy.

Adam Carolla (8:55)

It's an interesting point. I think we should all figure out what our least favorite girl scout cookie life is meaning. There's stuff I love, like the peanut butter ones and the Samoas and stuff like that. And look, you're gonna get fat, but it tastes good.

Judd Apatow (9:19)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (9:19)

And then there's the trefoil.

Judd Apatow (9:21)

Yeah. What is the trefoil?

Adam Carolla (9:23)

That's just the shortbread.

Judd Apatow (9:24)

Oh, yeah. And that makes you really fat.

Adam Carolla (9:27)

That makes you fat and it doesn't taste good.

Judd Apatow (9:29)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (9:30)

So, like, what are the things in your life that. Where's your trefoil?

Bald Brian (9:34)

Yeah.

Judd Apatow (9:34)

That you love?

Adam Carolla (9:35)

What's your next book that you love

Judd Apatow (9:37)

but don't really enjoy?

Adam Carolla (9:39)

No. That the trefoil is to eating and cookies and desserts what gambling is to Judd Apatow, which is not a lot of downside without much pleasure exercise.

Judd Apatow (9:56)

I guess there is upside, but I refuse to acknowledge it.

Adam Carolla (10:00)

By the way, Judd's working on a million things. Girls coming back is back for the final season.

Judd Apatow (10:06)

The 12th.

Adam Carolla (10:08)

The 12th. Oh, I thought it was bad.

Judd Apatow (10:10)

Been watching well, there's a. Well, they're rerunning a lot of last season, and then it's our last. This is our last season. So we. We land the plane. And then the week after that, after Girls, every week will be this new show called Crashing, starring Pete Holmes, who

Adam Carolla (10:26)

is in here talking about. Very funny.

Judd Apatow (10:28)

Yeah. And he's great. Artie Lang is on the show and. And a lot of comedians, like Sarah Silverman is on some episodes, and that one's really funny. It's about being a bad open mic comedian in New York. Like a religious guy who's not good yet, needs the money desperately but is too unfunny to make any money. And then we're gonna do this tour, me, Artie, and Pete. And then there's guest stars. We're gonna be in New York on the 12th at the Gramercy and in LA on the 18th at the Regent. And you can get tickets@peteholmes.com and we give the money away in New York, we're giving the money to the USO and. And to 8 to 6 in Los Angeles, which is a literacy program. So we've found a way to not get paid.

Adam Carolla (11:14)

I was listening to that, and I was thinking, all right, Pete Holmes. All right, Judd Apatow. Artie Lang. I don't feel like Artie's down with charity.

Judd Apatow (11:26)

Well, he's traveled the world with the USO a little bit.

Adam Carolla (11:31)

I. Go ahead. You're right.

Judd Apatow (11:32)

I don't know Artie that well.

Adam Carolla (11:34)

I don't know.

Judd Apatow (11:35)

He's very sweet, though. Like, I feel like the only one he hurts is himself.

Adam Carolla (11:39)

I agree. I think it's documented. But I also feel like I have my list of guys like Norm MacDonald, which is like, hey, if they're gonna do a show, they want to get paid.

Judd Apatow (11:51)

Oh, Artie wasn't like that. He was pretty quick to go charity with us.

Adam Carolla (11:54)

Wow.

Judd Apatow (11:54)

I think he's very excited to be on the show. He's ridiculously strong and funny and very open and sweet because he plays himself and he tells his story within the stories on the show. And he hadn't acted in 14 years just because he had been on Howard Stern and doing all these other things. And he's a great actor, really high level and improvising, and he knows how to improvise and tell you about his life and his struggles while still being funny and deeply emotional. I mean, he has some skills that are pretty. Pretty incredible.

Adam Carolla (12:31)

He's sort of the. He's the white David Alan Grier. I know it's been said many times. Many times, yes, no, very talented, much more sensitive, much more depth than people really realize. People look at both those guys as sort of these loud, outgoing, sort of semi buffoons or something, but they really have.

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Judd Apatow (14:11)

Oh, absolutely.

Adam Carolla (14:12)

And they really have depth.

Judd Apatow (14:13)

Yes, I think. I mean, Artie is able to talk in improvisations with Pete about being a comedian on the show. That is so moving and touching. I mean, he talks about just the pain of the lifestyle and what he thought would happen and how he thought it would make him feel versus the reality. And it's pretty special because Pete is this guy who's religious. He was going to be a youth pastor. So any scene where he's talking to Artie becomes this really fascinating dark and light Laurel and Hardy kind of conversation for you.

Adam Carolla (14:52)

I think of you as sort of like the custodian of comedy, cleaning up behind others in the circus of life,

Judd Apatow (15:01)

getting out the wood chips.

Adam Carolla (15:04)

No, what I'm saying is the guy who is more interested in comedy, like, I guess I'll put it to you this way. Some guys like driving race cars, but they don't have an interest in cars. Yes, I've met a million race car drivers where it's like they want to get paid, they want to get laid, and they want to drive. But as far as when they're done. Like, you go, hey, what's the. I like cars. So I'm like, what's the displacement of the motor? And they're like, I don't know. Ask the mechanic. You know, they don't know. They don't care. They would just want to go drive.

Judd Apatow (15:40)

That's how I am about the camera. I don't know what the lens is do right. I need someone to explain it to me.

Adam Carolla (15:45)

But then there are guys who want to drive, but they're mo. But they also want the cars and they want to know all about the cars and, you know, blah, blah, blah. And even may enjoy restoring a car even more than driving the car, whatever it is. And your case, I feel like you're the comedy version of that. You want to appreciate what it is, the history of it, that you're like the custodian of it. And as far as driving, like, yeah, get up and do some stand up, get in front of the camera. But it's mostly about the preservation, the restoration, the creation.

Judd Apatow (16:21)

Well, I'm a hoarder, so I. It's all of it. You know, I like to express myself. I love the challenge of trying to be a funny writer or director. I love the challenge of trying to be funny doing standup because it's so hard to achieve true greatness, you know, to get to the level of the guys that we know or the women that we know who are the very best. And I like that. I like having a high bar that's going to keep me busy for a while, trying to get to it. But I also can watch somebody like Maria Bamford and just sit there with my jaw on the floor, amazed at how smart and funny and weird she is. And I've been like that since I was a kid. I used to sit and watch Mike Douglas, and I'd watch someone like Michael Keaton, who was a comic in the beginning, right. And I would just track him like he was an athlete. Like, oh, my God, he's got a. He's got a pilot with Jim Belushi called Working Stiffs. I hope it's good. And then I would just track him through his whole life. And I just have always loved those characters. That's what's been fun about doing stand up again, because I felt like I did stand up for seven years and I had drifted from the tribe, and it's good to be back.

Adam Carolla (17:23)

Well, you've always. It's always been in you. And I know I was listening to you over the Christmas break, being interviewed on Howard Stern, and you were talking about your family and divorce and your dad, and then you doing the kind of stuff that probably should have been a tell in terms of what you were gonna be doing. And I'm curious how your family responded. They have all these things, which is, well, if your young kid is torturing animals, he's probably gonna be a serial killer. And you go, it's not like, oh, my God, he hates squirrels. It's like, no, no, He's. This is a global thing. It's not. If he only hated squirrels when he was in his 40s, we'd be okay. Yes, it'd be a little bit of a problem with him and his wife. Probably when they go on walks. Go on walks or go to the park and a squirrel happened by and he'd go tearing after it. But this is a global problem. But this is an indicator of something that is a bigger thing. And, you know, you recording Saturday Night Live on a cassette and then, like, transcribing it, that is an indicator. That's your torturing of squirrels.

Judd Apatow (18:39)

Exactly. Bill Hader said he used to do that too. I mean, he's young, but when I was a kid, you know, There was no VCRs that recorded. And so that was the reason why you had to audio record it, because there was no way to. To save it. Because also, back then, I didn't understand how reruns worked. So if Steve Martin was on Saturday Night Live, there was a part of me that thought, oh, I'll never see this again.

Adam Carolla (19:04)

Right.

Judd Apatow (19:05)

And so it felt very precious. Now we know everything's out there, so people don't even bother to do anything. They're like, yeah, I could catch it.

Bald Brian (19:12)

I see it online.

Judd Apatow (19:13)

But back then, it was scary, and it felt so important to me, and

Adam Carolla (19:17)

I didn't know how it worked.

Judd Apatow (19:18)

How does the sketch work? Why is this funny? Why is this not funny? I wanted to, like, write it out so I could figure it out.

Bald Brian (19:23)

I was a big SNL nerd. At the same time. Did you have the same thought as me, naively, as a kid? Like, oh, they just go out there and they kind of make it all up. I mean, they kind of know what they're gonna do, but they. You know, they got there and they ad lib it all.

Judd Apatow (19:32)

Well, there was a Saturday Night Live book when I was a kid, and it had all the scripts in it and photos and behind the scenes. And I think in my head, I thought that would be the coolest place to work to be, to have those

Adam Carolla (19:43)

Be your friends did so, like, yeah, I could remember trying to record, like Dr. Demento on a Sunday night, hearing young Weird al.

Judd Apatow (19:54)

I interviewed Dr. Demento.

Adam Carolla (19:56)

Oh, you did?

Judd Apatow (19:56)

That's how nerdy I was. I took that another step. I took a train alone to Poughkeepsie at 16 years old and interviewed Dr. Demento. And weird Al was that.

Adam Carolla (20:07)

Now, see, I'd hear him out here, syndicated in Southern California, so I had no idea where he was. And my simple mind, he was always just here because that's where my radio was. But he was back East. Poughkeepsie.

Judd Apatow (20:23)

Well, they were touring.

Adam Carolla (20:24)

Oh, they were touring. So maybe it wasn't planted back East.

Judd Apatow (20:28)

And Al just did a benefit with us the other night at Largo at the Coronet, and he did a medley with his band. It was so freaking hysterical. He came out and he didn't tell me what he was going to do. And I didn't know, you know, because it's a benefit. He's gonna do one song. He does this, like, 7, 11 minute medley of every great song. And you just realized, oh, I've been watching this guy since I was 15 years old. And it made us all so happy. It was like when James Taylor was in Funny People. We all started crying when he performed his scene in the movie. Performed like Fire and Rain or something, right? And you forget, oh, I've never been around when James Taylor wasn't around. Like, it just hit you at some emotional place. That's how I felt about Weird Al. It made me want to cry on some level.

Adam Carolla (21:17)

So for you, do the parents. And they should just, like, they should recognize the torturing, the squirrel thing at age 12, do your parents see what you're doing? Recording, transcribing, SNL, going out, then wanting to get interviews with everybody? Do they recognize that and go, hey, this kid is gonna be doing this one day?

Judd Apatow (21:40)

Oh, yeah. Because my grandmother's best friend was this female comedian named Toady Fields. Oh, Toady Fields and Toady Fields, for people who know him, don't know.

Adam Carolla (21:49)

Toady was a name. I mean, Toady made the.

Bald Brian (21:52)

And a profession.

Adam Carolla (21:55)

Toady Fields was a, you know, heavysettish, I think, woman comedian. That was like, not your top. Like, you. You. You knew household name. But if you were around in the 70s, oh, so I don't know what

Bald Brian (22:09)

era this would have been.

Judd Apatow (22:11)

Well, she made it through.

Adam Carolla (22:13)

Yeah. And she'd be on that. You'd see her on, like, Match Game and stuff like that. She was one of those Celebrity comedians.

Judd Apatow (22:20)

And she would be on that show with Bert Convey with the couples.

Adam Carolla (22:25)

Yes.

Judd Apatow (22:26)

I forgot what that show was called. You'd like, they'd hide one half of the couple and ask questions. And so my grandmother would take me to go see her.

Adam Carolla (22:35)

She died in 78 at age 48. So says Gary.

Judd Apatow (22:40)

Yeah, she had diabetes and she had to have her leg amputated. And I went to see her at Westbury Music Fair. She has one leg. She comes out, plays, gives her standing ovation. She's insanely funny and talking about having one leg and I think on some level I just thought, oh, there's a place for me in the world. If this one legged woman is so beloved and hysterical and genius, this is a pretty good job because I felt like a weird one legged person, you know, I felt different and I thought, oh, she's so beautiful and she's like a slightly chubby woman. You know, her act was very much about like being overweight. If you look at this picture we're looking at now, she's not really that overweight. It was just, you know, the terrible definitions of beauty that made her have to do jokes about being overweight. And she was awesome. She was really incredible.

Adam Carolla (23:30)

Yeah. Also, there's a new fat sheriff in town and it's all of us, which is. I just walked through an Indian casino outside of Sacramento and I saw people, women that were massive and young. That was like the scary part. Like 23 year old chicks that were 300 but just big. I mean not. And I've always said like. And yes, the toady fields to a young Adam Caroll is like, oh, she's that fat lady comedian. She's not fat. She's got a curly 13 pounds. Right, right. But think about, think about the Three Stooges. Like curly was the fat. Curly was 192 pounds. Like a shorter, thicker guy.

Bald Brian (24:19)

I was just watching the Blues Brothers the other day and Belushi was like the fat guy. And nowadays he's marginally overweight by today's standards.

Judd Apatow (24:27)

And Belushi weight most of the time, marginally.

Adam Carolla (24:31)

I was having this revelation, which is when I was a kid, if you went to the supermarket or the mall or what have you, and there was a fat woman or fat guy and they were making their way up and down the aisle. You'd go call your sister or your friend or whatever and go, you gotta check out the big dude. Look at, look, aisle five. Look in the frozen foods. You see him and it'd be like the novelty of like oh, he's a big fat man. Or she's a big fat one. Then I found myself walking through an airport, like in Chicago. And a chick slid in front of me and she worked at the airport and she was a big, big person. And I found myself going like, oh, my God, look like I was back in junior high or something.

Bald Brian (25:18)

You grabbed a random kid.

Adam Carolla (25:19)

And then another. Hey, you, look at this. Hold on, pops, I'm trying to torture this squirrel. Put that down. Follow me. And I was like showing. And I was like going, oh, my God, look at this. And then another chick slid in, equally as large. And then I looked around and realized everyone is huge.

Bald Brian (25:36)

You were the weird.

Adam Carolla (25:37)

That's where we're at now.

Judd Apatow (25:38)

It sucks to eat healthy.

Adam Carolla (25:41)

It does.

Judd Apatow (25:41)

It just sucks. I mean, I so love to eat. I think about it all day long. I know when I was a kid, I must have been very. And if I was lonely or frustrated. But how I dealt with it was. We had a grill in the center island of my kitchen.

Adam Carolla (25:56)

Wow.

Judd Apatow (25:56)

And I would make hamburgers every day. Every day I'd make these like double cheeseburgers or I'd make grilled cheese sandwiches and eat Entenmann's cake with it. And it made me so happy. And to this day, it's pure joy. Eating food. There's no downside other than my death. I just, I love it. And I can't eat enough. I love being so stuffed that the blood goes to my belly and I almost pass out. Like, that's my version of, like, people who have to be choked while they have sex is just the pass out moment of eating. So I have such compassion for people who can't control it because I can't control it. And I haven't had much sugar in the last month. And I think that life is not worth living. Like, it has been so hard to get rid of it.

Adam Carolla (26:42)

Can I.

Bald Brian (26:43)

The safe word is check, please.

Adam Carolla (26:46)

Can I posit this thought here? Because it's the one thing. It's the thing like, you go like, hey, one day you'll be rich. You'll be able to drive a cool car, you'll live in a cool house, you'll be able to go to cool parties. You'll be able to do this and you'll get the best of this and the best of that and everything else. But the one thing it doesn't buy is your ass still gets fat when you eat that In n out burger. And you want that In n out burger every bit as bad as you've Always wanted it. And it's like, the one thing that when I grew up, I grew up poor. I grew up hungry. And I then transitioned into a life where I was poor and hungry. Like, it was just always, you know, epic battles. When I was 26, like, who's been eating my cereal? Like, which nine roommates have gotten into my flakes? Come on. I had a mark on this thing and the date, and now it's down three inches. And it's like, big battles about who ate whose cereal.

Judd Apatow (27:52)

And cheap food is the food that makes you fatter.

Adam Carolla (27:55)

Yeah, but you couldn't get fat back then because I was a carpenter and a boxing instructor, and I was hungry all times. I was, like, poor all time. So it's like I'd leave the house. You didn't leave with all your snacks and all your water and all your everything. Just go climb on a roof, swing a hammer for eight hours, and then come home again and look for some bottom ramen. Cause the top ramen was a little rich for my blood, but we didn't, like, it wasn't an issue, but it was always like, where's? And then every once in a while, we had a rich friend. Her name was Janie, and she belonged to the Encino Country Club. And about three or four times a year, she'd be like, they have a Sunday buffet with a guy who makes omelets and a guy who makes waffles, and another guy makes pancakes.

Judd Apatow (28:49)

I'm there in my mind right now.

Bald Brian (28:50)

There's a station just for omelets.

Adam Carolla (28:52)

There's a station just round. Well, how's that work? You got to go there and blow the guy. No, no, you just tell him what you want. Your omelet.

Bald Brian (28:58)

Just walk past the waffle station.

Adam Carolla (28:59)

Where's he get the stuff? It's already there. It's already there. So he's got the. He's got the scallions and the tomatoes, and he's got the ham. It's all there. It's all there. And it's like, oh, my God. And, boy, you'd have it on the calendar. Like, we're going this Sunday. We're going Sunday. And we'd show up and it'd be like, oh, my God, do you get the plate? What direction? What direction do we go? Don't use two plates. That's a rookie move.

Judd Apatow (29:23)

Don't fill up on the wrong stuff. You have to pace.

Adam Carolla (29:26)

Oh, my God.

Judd Apatow (29:27)

Don't eat too much bread, because you need room for the wings.

Adam Carolla (29:30)

Yeah, right. So it'd Be like, strategizing. And, like, you'd go, all right, but I got. And then Chaney would say, you can go back. You can go back. You can eat. What do we do with the plate? They take the plate. You get a new plate. You get a new one. Oh, my God.

Judd Apatow (29:44)

Can I tell you the funniest sketch that I saw was years ago. I think it was like when Reed just did the morning show. I don't know if this was from another show, but Howie Mandel went to a buffet in Vegas. This is such a simple prank joke, but so perfect. He pretended to be one of the cooks at a buffet in Vegas. And all the joke was was that when people were filling up their plates, he would tell them they were taking too much and make them put some of it back. And people lost their minds. He's like, no, that's too much chicken. You're not gonna eat all that. And he would take it off their plate, and they would. They would just scream at him.

Adam Carolla (30:21)

It's such a. It's so simple. It's like the best comedy premise is just the super simple comedy premise. And that's very basic. When I used to do ask Mr. Hardware for the man show, where I just go to the hardware store and sort of confront people and ask them what they're up to, the one thing that always worked is I'd just find a guy, and I'd go, what is that? And he'd go, it's a cordless drill. And I'd go, it's a little too much tool for you. I think we should put that back and maybe just get you a four in one screwdriver. It would work every. They'd go nuts. Like, what are you talking about? How dare you? How dare you? And I'm.

Judd Apatow (31:00)

It's.

Adam Carolla (31:01)

It's weird. Like, I think it's a weird shame.

Judd Apatow (31:03)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (31:04)

Thing mixed with. They're not gonna pull it off.

Judd Apatow (31:06)

Yeah. People are afraid to speak up. There was one with Harry Mandel, and it was very simple, which was. He's like the guy at the parking valet. And all the drivers are clearly like, stunt drivers, and they had fake cars. So as you're, like, waiting, right when you drop off your car, the car in front of you pulls away, and they have, like, stunt guys fishtailing and doing crazy stuff. So you don't know if you should leave your car.

Adam Carolla (31:26)

Right.

Judd Apatow (31:26)

Because what they've done is so dangerous. And everyone still left their car.

Adam Carolla (31:30)

Oh, ye.

Judd Apatow (31:31)

They're afraid to say no. The funny thing about. Here's the funny thing I find about Trump is that he eats a lot of fast food, which I always think means that someone who's not thinking long term, he doesn't exercise. He's our first president who doesn't have any exercise regimen at all.

Adam Carolla (31:49)

I think about that every once in a while. I'm sort of. I'm angry and jealous, though. Like, do the guys that go, like, no, I mean, it's like that sort of Fonzie thing. It's like, I just got boots, I don't have tennis shoes. And you go like, but what do you run in? I go, I don't. And then you go, what do you. It's like some sort of old school

Judd Apatow (32:08)

thing, you know, because Bush would bike and, you know, I don't know if Obama ran or. He played a lot of basketball.

Adam Carolla (32:15)

I think he, yeah, played some hoops,

Judd Apatow (32:17)

but I do nothing. And eating the Taco Bell. We've just never had a president so out of shape.

Bald Brian (32:26)

Well, that's the world we're living in, he said, with people getting fatter not being a thing anymore. It's like we have a president who is objectively overweight, he's fat, he's an obese man by any standard. And yet it's never discussed. It's never a joke.

Judd Apatow (32:40)

The job ages. The healthy. Like, everyone in that job ages so fast. But I always wonder if there's something in his psyche, you know, because he's in this, like, he's in a zone that I don't think anyone else is in. Like he lives in his own bubble, that he may not feel any stress.

Adam Carolla (32:59)

I don't think he feels. I think you're. I think you're right.

Bald Brian (33:02)

Interesting.

Adam Carolla (33:02)

I don't. I. I gotta tell you the, the couple encounters I had with him. One, when I was doing the. The Marriage Ref. Right, The Seinfeld show, he was on an episode. Yeah, it was on. With me and Gloria Estefan.

Judd Apatow (33:20)

Perfect trio right there.

Adam Carolla (33:21)

That's right.

Judd Apatow (33:22)

I'm on YouTube right now, looking.

Bald Brian (33:24)

I remember thinking, new checks and balances.

Adam Carolla (33:26)

I remember thinking, I better bring the funny, cuz I'm not sure if Trump and Gloria are gonna pull this off. But he just walked up to me, he's like, hey, Adam. And I was like, how you doing? And he's like, this is gonna be the best episode ever. This will be the best. And then he paused, he went, it's gonna be the most highly rated. You check, you check tomorrow. It's going to be the most highly rated episode they've Ever aired. And I was like, I don't know how to check. I'd be scared to check. I'd never think to check. How do you know? And by the way, based on me, that's a zero. Then we got Gloria Estevan, you know, three and a half. And then there's you. Like, what are we basing this rating spike on? And then he walked. But. But for that moment, I felt good. He slapped me on the back and said, this is going to be the highest rating episode. You wait, you see, you check. And I was like, felt good. I think a lot.

Bald Brian (34:29)

It's like that's his number one appeal.

Judd Apatow (34:31)

Well, he's like Tom Vu, the real estate guy.

Adam Carolla (34:36)

You too scared, whitey? You round eyes too scared. You want pictures on a boat? You can't have. You can't have pictures on a boat. See these cars?

Judd Apatow (34:44)

Because right at the end of the campaign, I was watching one Trump.

Adam Carolla (34:47)

Tom Fu's the best.

Judd Apatow (34:49)

He was a real estate guy who

Adam Carolla (34:50)

had infomercials where people come, here, coffee can from Vietnam. I cleaned dishes for 20 years. Now look at me, huge hole. Florida bitches dripping from walls.

Judd Apatow (35:01)

Yes, because he was excellent. In one of his last speeches, he literally started saying things that were very infomercial. Like he was saying. Like he was saying to a huge crowd of thousands, all of your dreams are going to come true. And you know, there's a lot of people in our country whose dreams are not going to come true. I mean, we all share our dreams and it's a very weird thing to sell to people. But he's really into metrics. You know, he's into how many people were at the inauguration, how many people watched the marriage ref, how many people watched the Apprentice, what are the polls? And as the polls don't service the idea in his head, it does lead him to a meltdown when people say, oh, he's the most unpopular person who is now the president that's ever been. I don't know how he handles it because it is about the marriage ref thing. And I feel like people who are into those numbers on some level. He's really not taking a moment to go, there's a kid about to have heart surgery waiting in Syria to get here who has a green card. And I've kept her out because it's about this larger number, like 3.2 million

Adam Carolla (36:05)

people watch the marriage ref. I and I have no idea how it rated. And I have a theory about that. Cause it's interesting, cuz Trump is very much into what happened to the Celebrity Apprentice and the marriage ref and who's number one and who's got the most. And numbers, numbers, numbers. Also, by the way, what he does that move where he's like, slaps you on the back and goes, this thing's gonna be number one. I guarantee it. Check tomorrow. It's a basic version of what every old black guy did at every boxing gym I used to go to, which he calls everyone champ.

Judd Apatow (36:40)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (36:40)

And you just walk in and he'd go, hey, Champ, how you doing?

Judd Apatow (36:44)

And I love when people call me Chief. If anyone calls me Chief, if I'm just like, anywhere and something like, what can I get you, Chief? I literally light up.

Adam Carolla (36:52)

I love it, too. I love Champ. I love Chief. Now, the thing that's crazy is, of course, I'm not a champion. None of those people are champions.

Bald Brian (37:00)

Nor a chief.

Adam Carolla (37:01)

Nor a chief. But either way feels good. And you get a lot of mileage because people go like, hey, about that guy. I like that guy. You know, he assaulted his wife. I don't care. He seems like a good guy. Calls me Champ.

Judd Apatow (37:11)

Oh, someone calls me boss.

Adam Carolla (37:13)

Oh, boss is nice.

Judd Apatow (37:14)

Boss is nice. Yeah. It's fascinating.

Adam Carolla (37:17)

My theory with Trump, but I don't know this. My theory that he has with his unpopular polling, in terms of him as the president, I wonder if he does this thing where he goes, well, of course, if you tell kids to do their homework and get vaccinated, you're not gonna get a very high score from those kids.

Judd Apatow (37:43)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (37:44)

This is me as a sort of dad of the nation, telling the. Giving. Giving some tough love to these people. Of course, they're not gonna want to hear.

Bald Brian (37:52)

Of course they're not gonna wanna hear.

Adam Carolla (37:53)

It's years of coddling. That means that's how you get stuff done.

Judd Apatow (37:57)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (37:57)

Like, I don't know, was George. Was Patton. Was he popular with his troops? Or no. Or did he get the job done? I think he might go there in his head to sleep at night.

Judd Apatow (38:10)

I think he has two sides. One side is a casino owner. So his whole thing is like, pat neighbor on the back going, you're gonna win tonight. But the other side is, I'm happy to take all of your money. And I'm in the other room trying to figure out how to make sure you don't have any money when you leave here. But I think that he. Here's the thing I find most fascinating. I think he really thinks he's gonna fix every single thing in the country. I think he really believes. I believe that's piece by piece, I'm going to fix everything. But he's like a short sighted person. In the same way, he doesn't really care about the environment or his own health. He doesn't have a long term view. So he says to the Senate switch The rule from 60 senators needed to approve a Supreme Court justice to 50 so we can get our guy through. He's not the guy who says, but yeah, but if I lose in four years, the Democrats now have that rule. Like I don't. There's no time horizon for choices.

Adam Carolla (39:10)

No, I think it's a, I think it's, he's going toady fields, you know, the leg was gone. It's time to do some comedy. We're not gonna be here forever.

Bald Brian (39:19)

Gonna be a Bullworth situation is what you're saying.

Adam Carolla (39:21)

Yes, and I think that he's kind of doing a I'm gonna eat junk food, not gonna work out. And by the way, if somebody said to you, look, got hold of you when you're 30 and said, here's the deal, you can eat junk food for the rest of your life, you never have to work out ever again. You're gonna be the president and you can bang Euro models, but you die at 74, I probably would have taken that. So the other version is I marry a shrew and we die together in our 80s and I'm miserable eating kale. I'm just gonna go ahead. Sure. I'm going to check the first box.

Judd Apatow (40:02)

Well, I always say my thing is I don't fear disease or death from eating. I fear eating perfectly my entire life and then getting hit by a bus and living long enough to know I could have eaten all of it.

Adam Carolla (40:13)

Yeah, I always thought about that. You never want to die on the way home from the gym.

Judd Apatow (40:17)

Does Trump make you nervous, though? I mean, there's two aspects to Trump, right? There's policy. And so you can say, I think there shouldn't be abortion for anyone. Or someone says, I think it's a woman's right to choose to control her body. And we all can debate these issues. Does cutting taxes for the rich help poor people in some way? And you could debate all these. But then there's a separate issue, which is, is this a stable, sane man, that when something happens in the ocean with China, we are comfortable with the choice he will make? Like, are you comfortable with him just as a person making choices?

Adam Carolla (40:58)

I have said a million times, and maybe I've grown numb to the office of the presidency because I've always just Said, whoever's in there doesn't make a difference to me. And good or bad, when Obama's talking about hope and change, I was like, there's not gonna be hope and any change. I'm happy that other people are happy, but it never seems to touch me. Like, me, my kids, my wife, my job, whatever it is, I just get up, go to work, pay taxes, go home, argue with my wife a little, beat off and go to bed. That ritual show.

Judd Apatow (41:33)

Do you beat off because of the argument?

Adam Carolla (41:36)

Sometimes. Mid argument. Sometimes. That's what we're arguing about.

Judd Apatow (41:40)

Exactly. Why are you beating off right now?

Adam Carolla (41:41)

Your argument takes a quick turn on

Bald Brian (41:43)

a pivot, actually halfway through.

Adam Carolla (41:46)

So I was bad before. I'm always in that mode of like, look, calm down, everybody. Whether you're excited, like, he's gonna do this for me, or you're freaked out, he's gonna screw me. I'm always like, he's just gonna be president.

Judd Apatow (41:59)

You won't.

Adam Carolla (41:59)

You won't note it. So I'm. I'm sort of in that mode.

Judd Apatow (42:03)

You have no war terror. Like, this is the guy from the Apprentice. I don't really trust him.

Adam Carolla (42:08)

No. Maybe I should. Maybe I should, but I do. I have a very great capacity to take things and go, can I do anything about this? Like, sadly, when it comes to eating right and exercise, unfortunately, I can do something about that. So that's a battle. When it comes to whatever he's doing over there, there's really nothing I can do about it. So once in my mind, there's nothing I can do about it. Yeah, I free myself to move on now.

Judd Apatow (42:44)

You're not Jewish, are you?

Adam Carolla (42:45)

No.

Judd Apatow (42:46)

See, I think there's.

Adam Carolla (42:47)

I seem Jewish an element.

Judd Apatow (42:49)

Well, you could go either way.

Adam Carolla (42:50)

Well, the thing that was funny about me is the entire time I worked in the San Fernando Valley as a carpenter, nobody ever accused me of being Jewish. Accused? Well, one could say it's a bit of an accusation on the construction level, Charger. As soon as I got into comedy, everyone's like, well, you're. You're a Jew. You understand?

Judd Apatow (43:10)

That's a compliment. That's a compliment.

Adam Carolla (43:12)

But it's the exact same person. You just shift professions.

Judd Apatow (43:15)

Exactly.

Adam Carolla (43:16)

And you switch religions, but no, not Jewish.

Judd Apatow (43:20)

Because I think that, and I'm sure this is true for people from all different cultures and for different reasons. I was never religious at all. My family, not at all. My parents, all they said about religion was, nobody said life was fair. That was the only spiritual advice we had in the house. But There's a lot of Holocaust talk. There's a lot of World War II talk. And I certainly am not calling the administration or the president a Nazi. But what this situation does, when there are certain authoritarian leanings, it wakes up a genetic part of you that goes, this is the moment when I'm supposed to say, we have to stand up and say, stop. So I wish I was like you. Because I've thought about it. I've thought about going, you know what? Just write some checks to some people that you think can stand up for some values you believe in, and that's all you really can do. I mean, you can kid yourself, but you can't do much more than that. And then get in your house, shut the door, and then four years later, open the door and see what's out there. It might be Mad Max. It might be the world is perfect. He fixed the world like he fixed the skating rink in Central Park. Maybe you're wrong about everything. Maybe the entire world has been covered in marble and the whole world looks like Trump Tower.

Adam Carolla (44:35)

Classy, like the Trump Tower lobby.

Judd Apatow (44:38)

So I think all of us who are concerned, because some people aren't concerned at all are going, what do we do? Are we supposed to do something, or do we go. This process. There will be checks and balances. What scares me is when there's no checks and balances. When you control the Supreme Court, the Senate, the Congress, and you think the guy's a little shaky, like, it's pretty scary that there's no one who could go, like, ease up. Slow down a little bit.

Adam Carolla (45:05)

Yeah. Again, you wishing you're wired a little more like me, Sort of weak and apathetic with no moral compass. It's probably not something to strive toward, but okay. I just have this, you know, I see people march and hold signs and stand up and go, not on my watch, and stuff like that. But I don't really know what not on my watch means or that kind of stuff. Like, I just feel like he's gonna do what he does. You'll disagree with a lot of it. Some of it will turn out to be a benefit. And whatever it is, I'm just gonna go take care of my family, pay my taxes. That's about it.

Judd Apatow (45:45)

What would touch you that you would go, oh, shit. Is there any issue? You go, this is when it gets to me. Is it just money? The economy? Like, when the economy crashed in 2008, did it affect you?

Adam Carolla (45:57)

Yeah, I got let go from my radio job because the whole. I'd say Brian, I don't know what your take is, but that had to do with the economy. Everything was just turning down.

Bald Brian (46:12)

It was a one to one ratio.

Judd Apatow (46:13)

So when they changed the rules now, and they say all those rules we created to prevent that from happening, so banks don't do things which are reckless and we're going to get rid of all those rules. Is there any part of you that goes, holy shit, I could lose a lot of money now because we're gonna get rid of all the things that prevent the crash.

Adam Carolla (46:32)

I don't again, like, if I had, if I knew somebody I could blow a call into or if I had any, felt like I had any juice at all, I really just like, the economy went bad, I lost my radio job. There were no other radio jobs, which is something I never anticipated. See, I always figured, well, here's what's going to happen to you career wise. You're going to say something horrible on the air and you're going to get fired from your radio job. But don't worry, there'll be other radio jobs where once they find out, you know, you'll be like a star wide receiver who punched his coach and is cut off that team. But do not worry, there are many other teams be happy to have a star wide receiver. I didn't know the whole league was going to fold because when the whole league folded, now you're a wide receiver, but the skill isn't really much good anywhere but in the league. And there's no other team to go to because everybody is folding. And that's what happened with me and radio in circa, you know, 2008, 2009. And that's why I started podcasting. But, but so it turned out to be a mitzvah as your people and my people, now that I do comedy, would say so. I had no idea. But in terms of Trump, again, it's like I just go, just go to work every day and control all the stuff you can control. I feel like the people who try to control the stuff when, whether it's Trump or the guys driving in front of him that just cut him off, like, if you're any. I'm going to control things I can't control mode. It's a super frustrating life.

Judd Apatow (48:24)

Oh, I know it. I'm in it right now. But it's also connected to other issues I have, which is like hoarding. You know, there's safety and hyper vigilance.

Adam Carolla (48:33)

I have hypervigilance.

Judd Apatow (48:36)

I actually have an appointment with a, a psychologist today at the end of the day because my hoarding has gotten bad. And I also do all these, like, counting things. Do you have any of that?

Adam Carolla (48:49)

Like, yes.

Judd Apatow (48:50)

You know, I have this thing where

Adam Carolla (48:51)

I. I like the counting. I'm interested in this counting thing because everyone knows I'm not very idiosyncratic. I don't have. I don't walk around telephone poles. I'm not religious, I'm not spiritual. I don't believe in jinxes. And, you know, I don't care about stuff in general. Yes. But I count. I never talk about it.

Judd Apatow (49:16)

How do you do it?

Adam Carolla (49:16)

Counting?

Judd Apatow (49:17)

I'll tell you how I do it. I used to watch tv. I would sit in my room and I would tap the chair. I had this one chair. I would lean back against this armoire and watch the Mike Douglas show every day. And I would count the syllables of the guests. And I would always try to end on an even. And I would pause for like five seconds and just start again. And I still do that. And then I also unconsciously, just with my hands or my toes, flicking my toes, I'm counting. Or sometimes I forget to count, but I'm just like, flicking my toes and it's some sort of thing that gives me comfort. But if you're watching TV and your feet are at the end of the bed and you're constantly flicking your toes, you will annoy other people. And I don't know if it's healthy and just something I do or something that is making me a nervous wreck.

Adam Carolla (50:08)

I want to talk about hypervigilance because Dr. Drew diagnosed me with hypervigilance.

Judd Apatow (50:13)

What did he say?

Adam Carolla (50:14)

I will tell you. And I will tell you about counting. First, I'll tell you about the books, man. Be a hero this Valentine's Day. Don't sit around counting your toes, counting on flowers showing up that you haven't ordered from the boots. Go to the boucks, man, and save 20%. They got free delivery. You can on weekdays when you register@boucs.com. that's b o u q s dot com. No additional fees, no upsells or bait and switch farm. Fresh from sustainable eco friendly farms. I think on the side of a volcano. I'm not making that up. Never forget. Now this is good. They have the never forget subscription. It's a regular reminder delivery on birthdays, anniversaries. You have had a boyfriend. I like this too, because again, talking about those, you got a little more money than you do time. This is good. So be a better boyfriend, a better husband. Go to the books. That's B O u q s thebooks.com. you get 20% off of your order when you use the code. Adam@boox.com. 20% off. Use the code.

Judd Apatow (51:24)

I'm terrified right now about Valentine's Day.

Adam Carolla (51:26)

There you go.

Judd Apatow (51:29)

Because when you've been married 20 years. My anniversary is this year. Thank you. You've done everything. There's no creative thing to do anymore. And so.

Adam Carolla (51:39)

Oh yeah.

Bald Brian (51:40)

What's your high water mark? Did you set the bar too high?

Judd Apatow (51:41)

I had a mariachi band come out once.

Bald Brian (51:43)

That's pretty high.

Judd Apatow (51:44)

Oh, that's for anniversary. So in the morning there's a mariachi band on the front stoop. I've tried the large gestures, but at some point you're not creative enough to think of anything else. Fantastic. Because there's a lot of, a lot of holidays. You got birthdays, you got Valentine's Day, you got a Christmas, you got to come through.

Bald Brian (52:04)

That's the seven year itch. You run out of good ideas.

Judd Apatow (52:07)

I need more ideas. I'm gonna get this thing that you have.

Adam Carolla (52:12)

The books, the books. I'm in the hyper vigilance.

Judd Apatow (52:18)

The Hyper Vigilance is for me how it. I think here's a couple of things that created it. One, Brezhnev. When Brezhnev was the leader in Russia. And So I was 10 in 77. And there was many years where it really felt like we were going to have a nuclear war. It just felt very intense around the world. And that scared the shit out of me.

Adam Carolla (52:48)

They made you drill and get under the desk and there were selling bomb shelters and stuff. Like people had bomb shelters in their front lawns and stuff like that. And so yeah, it's funny, I was talking to Drew about this getting back to Trump, but not wanting to dwell on it. But I said when he was talking about the march and the women and the this and the that and everyone hitting the streets and everything, he said, you know, what do you think? And I said, I think it's a. I like it. But what I don't like is when you terrorize the kids. Like when they have the five year old girls out there going, I wanna keep my ovaries. And she's holding a sign. It's like, don't freak her out. Cuz she doesn't really have a context for this. You, my wife, your wife, Brian's wife. They don't fear that their ovaries are gonna be taken by Trump. But tell that to a six year old. He's coming for you or a young black child or young Hispanic child, like he's coming for you. And it's like, like that'll freak a kid out. Even if it didn't turn out that we got into a, you know, exchanged nuclear bombs with Russia. Yes. As a young person, I was the same age you were. Had this freak out kind of, oh, my God, it's my sort of there's a serial killer loose phenomenon to the adults. Like, statistically, what are the chances he's coming to our house? To the 10 year old, he's definitely coming to our house.

Judd Apatow (54:13)

Oh, sure. I remember seeing Carl Walenda fall off of a tightrope in Spain and land on a cab. I think it changed my entire life. I remember the visual of him.

Adam Carolla (54:23)

I covered it. The thing that freaked me out about the Wallendas, and I guess they're right, they call themselves the Flying Wallendas. And he did for about 3 seconds and then he hit a cab.

Judd Apatow (54:34)

They fell on the triangle. They used to do the pyramid. And they all fell and bunches of them got really messed up.

Adam Carolla (54:41)

Wallenda's would the thing that cracked me up, or not cracked me up, but freaked me out about Karl Wallenda in Brazil or wherever he's going. He's going from like building to building and started getting a little windy and he started to get the little speed wobbles in there. And the thing that freaked me out as a young person about that is how little his effort was to save his life. Sure. He had no net. He had nothing below him. It was in Puerto Rico. Okay, so there he is. He's an older guy at this point, probably 71, 72, or the senior member, the Melendez. He's gonna do the walk. He starts walking and it starts getting a little unstable. And so he tries to sort of kneel down on the cable to kind of take a rest or hang on. And then he sort of rolls off. And it's not like cliffhanger. He just goes.

Judd Apatow (55:42)

He's trying to keep it just solid and then he just falls over.

Adam Carolla (55:47)

The effort that he made to hang onto that cable was no more than what you would do if you're goofing around over an above ground pool. And the wire was five feet above the pool and you didn't want to get your shirt wet. Like, it was about the same effort, but with his life. And I've found that it's weird that human beings not, you know, outside of action movies don't seem to have that, like, oh, My God, if my fingers come loose from this wire, I will be dead four seconds later. He had a sort of casualness about it, like it was almost like, well, I'm dying. Here we go. He wasn't. I would have wrapped my legs around it and hugged the thing and waited for the paramedics to push me off.

Judd Apatow (56:34)

Well, he probably had moments like that before where some strategy worked and it just didn't work. And as a kid, I would have nightmares about that and, you know, the nuclear war fears. And then my parents got divorced and there was a lot of hysteria around. And it gave me this feeling like, you better be on your fucking shit. You better get a job. You better have a long plan. You're not safe. And what it did was it helped me be a good producer. It helped me be forward thinking. I guess that's what bothers me about Trump, is I'm very forward thinking. Like a year before I shoot a movie, I'm thinking about what could go wrong with the movie, where we're gonna go over budget, where we're gonna go over time. So when there's a guy who doesn't think about where the pollution gets us in five, 10 years, it panics me. And the problem with that is when you go home, when you're always worried about things going wrong, you are succeeding in business because of that, but it doesn't make you a pleasant person to be around in life.

Adam Carolla (57:39)

Well, this is interesting. So I'm curious how your hypervigilance manifests. Manifests itself how you would describe. Because Dr. Drew pointed out to me that I have hyper vigilance.

Judd Apatow (57:54)

I also have obsessive compulsive disorder, which means worrying so much about doing things correctly that ultimately you screw it up. So you're just running it and running it and running it, but you're not actually doing anything. And then somehow that makes things get screwed up. How it might work for me is my wife and I, we will say, okay, we're going to go to this. Every year we go to this dinner. Vanity Fair is a dinner for the Oscars, where people watch the Oscars. I will panic about how long the traffic might be, right? And so my wife likes to get there on time or a little late. I love being first person there or very early. I will usually screw up and assume too much time for traffic or security checks and get her there 30 minutes before it starts. Like when people are still putting out the tablecloths, right? But I'm in a little bit of a panic all day about I wonder when we're gonna leave. Yeah, for no reason. And I don't even care that much about getting there on time. It's like another system. And what I noticed that was I went to go see Carrot Top in Vegas. Now I think he's fucking hysterical. I thought the show was great. It really was silly and made me laugh. But I had the same feeling about going to see Carrot Top, which was, oh my God, what time should we leave? How long's the walk to get to that casino? Are we gonna get there in time? My wife always wants to land in the seat the second the lights go off.

Adam Carolla (59:25)

Yeah, I'm with her, but I'm with you in that. I. And remind me to tell you about my numbers thing because I've kind of teased it, but you want me to

Bald Brian (59:37)

hop on and tell the listeners something they never knew about your numbers.

Adam Carolla (59:40)

You do? I do. What do you know? Oh, well, I don't want to interrupt your story.

Bald Brian (59:43)

I'm just reminding to remind.

Adam Carolla (59:45)

Okay, go ahead. Oh, you have something about your numbers. Okay, good.

Bald Brian (59:48)

Have a revelation.

Adam Carolla (59:51)

Now some of this may be your wife and my wife as well, because I find myself having these conversations. Yesterday I had this crazy schedule where I did a show in Sacramento, then we did a show in Fresno, then we drove all night. Then we came back to LA at like 12 in the morning. Then I had to be back at my shop, not here, the other shop, to open it up for a bunch of old car nut guys. Hundred guys from the Peterson Museum were coming through to look at a bunch of Newman race cars at 8 in the morning. And then I was throwing a Super bowl party that. That afternoon. So I had like no sleep and no whatever. And at a certain point I came home at like noon and I said, I'm taking a nap for an hour, maybe an hour and 20 minutes. But we need to be wheels up at the shop, setting up, you know, Jimmy's bringing his hot wings and blah, blah, blah. And I did the thing where I was like, we need to be leaving here about 10 to 2 now I'm going to take a nap. And everyone said, yeah, 10 to 2. And I went, no, seriously, 10 to 2? And they're like, yeah, oh yeah, let's see a 10 to 2. And I was like, look, I'm gonna go take a nap. And then when I come up from my nap and I come out here at about 1:30, you guys gonna need to be like dressed and ready to go so that we can be in the car driving at 10 to do it. I realized a lot of that's me, but a lot of it's the company I keep as well too. Because I've had way too many times where I got out of the nap and everyone was like sitting in a Jacuzzi at 2:03 going, what? I thought we were leaving. Oh, yeah. I don't. What did that. Yeah, I forgot, like, so a lot of it is. People can push you that direction.

Judd Apatow (61:36)

Oh, my daughter does that. My daughter's 14. And I'll just, you know, we'll have to leave whatever, 7:30, and I'll peek my head in at 7:25. And she is just like, stepping out of a shower. And then I'm just like, what is happening right now?

Adam Carolla (61:52)

Dr. Drew said I have hypervigilance. For me, it's a visual thing. If I'm driving in a car and there's something going on in the rear view mirror, it's like someone is jiggling keys in front of me up where the mirror mirrors. There's no such thing as me not seeing everything around me. I've said it a million times. I've never been in a car accident. And I drive like an asshole. It's because I see everything and I see what's going on before it happens. I can tell when somebody looks like they're gonna start to move lanes and do this and do that.

Judd Apatow (62:31)

Is that why you like car racing and making documentaries about car racing?

Adam Carolla (62:34)

Probably. The other thing I do is I'm the guy who, like, can't wrap his mind around people not responding to their name. Where it's like, I'll be at a party and I'll hear the guy's wife go like, Jim. And I'll be talking to Jim. And he'll just be talking. I'll go, jim. And I'll go, I'm not named Jim. But you're named Jim. And your wife is yelling your name. How come? I don't know why I got. And I get weird when people don't. Like, I walked into my. I have a nanny named Olga who's in the whole bathroom with the hollow core door just sitting in there. And I just walked in and I went like, olga. No response. Then I yell at my daughter, Natalia, where's Olga? And she's like, olga's in the bathroom. And I'm just standing right outside the door. And I go, oh, Olga. She goes, yeah. Why did I go through that? Why wouldn't you? Yeah, I can hear you clear as day, by the way. I Know my voice is getting to you? Because you're getting to me. The first time I come in and just go, olga, why not go? I'm in the bathroom.

Judd Apatow (63:44)

She's on the phone.

Adam Carolla (63:45)

We're gonna have a conversation about you. But why?

Bald Brian (63:48)

She was hoping to be left alone.

Judd Apatow (63:49)

Yeah, she's playing something on the phone.

Adam Carolla (63:51)

My numbers are not an obsessive compulsive thing. I'll do a thing where it's like, if I drink my horrible green mush, drink that Olga makes me for breakfast that I don't want to have to drink, but I do it because I'm trying to be healthy. I will count the sips. Like, I will do, like, I'm taking 10 chugs of this thing. Like, I don't really like the way it tastes, but in order to do it, I'll just go with 10. I'll just two, three, and put it down. When I go do stuff I don't want to do, like, go dunk myself in my freezing cold swimming pool in the morning because somebody said I should, I'll hold myself underwater and I'll go, I'll do it for 20 seconds and I'll just hold myself and I'll count. And a lot of stuff I do will be like, count steps, things like that. But it's to get me through it.

Judd Apatow (64:42)

I have the opposite. I hate counting. Like, if I have a personal trainer, which I do rarely, and they say, okay, we're gonna do three, you know, three rounds of 15 in my head, I go, I gotta count to fucking 45. I don't even forget the lifting. I don't even want to do the counting.

Adam Carolla (64:57)

But do you feel like. Like you. So you and I grew up in many ways. We had a lot of same components, which is, I think, oh, my God, my parents are nuts and they're not going to do anything for me, and I got to go do something, otherwise I'm going to die.

Judd Apatow (65:20)

They were fighting about money. And so I think somewhere in my head I went, oh, if I make enough money, all these fights go away. And that was a really powerful thing. And, you know, they say that, you know, the, you know, your pipes and your brain, your neurological pipes, they get set early. Like, I get nervous about things. Sometimes my wife will just, like, touch me from behind. I jump, right, and I'm like, built a certain way. And it's pretty hard to deprogram all of those things that you developed as a kid.

Adam Carolla (65:51)

What are you going to do? Talk about with the therapist this afternoon and try to know if it's hyper vigilance.

Judd Apatow (65:56)

Yeah, I'd like to know if it's bad. You. Look, I was watching this thing online. They're talking about, like, tapping people. Like, tap their chest. One hand, the other hand, one hand, the other hand. And they say it does something. It connects the hemispheres of your brain and it calms you down. So one of my main questions is, is there anything wrong with doing this? Should I be trying to do something to get rid of certain behaviors, or is it. But not a big deal.

Adam Carolla (66:19)

Well, obviously, your process has led you to a ton of success.

Bald Brian (66:24)

Yeah. It doesn't get in the way of your.

Judd Apatow (66:26)

It gets in the way of just enjoying things. Because when you have so much going on in your head, in a lot of ways, you're just not present. You know, if I'm here and we're talking, I'm like, okay, I gotta get that meeting for that writing meeting. I think I have three hours. I gotta go over, like, five stories. I didn't read two of them. I'll read them on the way back in the car. Like, I'm just running. I'm pacing myself all the time.

Adam Carolla (66:50)

Yeah. It's a way to sort of not be present because there's so much out there on your plate that you cannot not focus on. So when you're having a moment talking to your wife or talking to your daughter and you're trying to be present, there's always one part of your brain that's over here on the project, so to speak.

Judd Apatow (67:11)

Well, is there a danger I can prevent? It might be something that isn't dangerous at all. But there's part of your brain that's like, you should be thinking about something that you could stop from happening, that you can get organized. And the crazy part is, it helps in business. It helps that you're the guy that anticipates a problem, fix it before it happens, but it screws up everything else. So we'll see. Maybe she'll just go, you know, Judd, you're doing great. Keep counting. It's a good strategy.

Adam Carolla (67:41)

I want to hear Brian's number story. I do also want to say that, but sadly, the therapist for me has always been like, you go, I want to know, is this good? Is this serving me? Is this right? Is this wrong? And they go, if it works for you, then it's good. It's not good. It's not bad. It's how you work and you'll get this sort of thing.

Bald Brian (68:04)

I torture squirrels on an almost daily basis.

Adam Carolla (68:08)

Well, it's good for you, it's bad for the family, the squirrels, but if that's who you. And I can't tell you. And it's like there is that part of you that wants them to be a little more transmission mechanic. Where they go, I dropped the transmission. You got some bad bearings, you got some bad gears, we're gonna go ahead and replace those. And you go, good, fix it. Instead they just go, I don't know, how do you feel about the transmission? And you go, I don't know. It's making a knock to be better. And they're like, well, well, perhaps it could be better, but it could be worse.

Judd Apatow (68:40)

I could run all the self help I've ever read in my life. I'll hoard self help books and read all of them. And in my head I'll be like, okay, I need to stay in the moment and I have to let everything go, but I have to be aware of what I've done in the past and then try not to do it in the future. And I need to breathe, but I also need to be. I could do it all day long and then I'm in a panic. I'm literally like getting an adrenaline rush from thinking of my self help shit.

Adam Carolla (69:06)

Yeah, well, yeah, thinking about being in the moment means you're out of the moment.

Judd Apatow (69:11)

Exactly.

Bald Brian (69:12)

Weird irony.

Adam Carolla (69:13)

All right, I'm going to hear about Brian and the numbers thing he's never passed along to me that he knows about me. All right, first I'll tell you about TrueCar. TrueCar. Ah, there's some numbers. This is a numbers game. 700,000 pre owned vehicles to choose from. 13,000 TrueCar certified dealers nationwide. So whether you want new, whether you want used, whether you're looking to again, you pretty much have a choice. Is it new, is it used? It is TrueCar discounts off of a list price, better buying experience. See what others paid for the car you want and then connect with your local certified dealer. Enjoy a quick, easy buying experience. Apples to apples. Find out the exact car they have and the one you want and what everyone paid for that car. With all the options in your area, get your certificate, lock it in, go to your certified dealer, pick up your new or used new to you car. So new used, just visit them truecar.com truecar.com just go online. Whether it's new, whether it's used, it is truecar.com all right, before we wrap

Bald Brian (70:21)

it up, Brian, we all have those moments in our lives that we're only us. We're privy to. And it's like, oh, that's just something I observed. I've been standing more or less five feet away from Adam for the better part of. Professionally, for the better part of, I don't know, 13 years or something like that. And I have noticed many, many times, and no one else notices it because my purview is right here, right in front of you. Your hands and your face and all. That's where I stand for the show. You will often, when a caller's talking, when a guest is talking, when you're thinking, you'll just make numbers. Numbers in a row. Sometimes it'll be 11 through 13. Sometimes it'll be 7 through 11. You'll just make numbers, and they'll be in order, and they'll be in sequence, and. And you'll write 7, 8, 9, 10, and then you'll trace over 7, 8, 9, 10,. And they'll be thicker and thicker. And it's one of those things I always know. I was like, adam, Adam's. Adam's into cattin'.

Adam Carolla (71:03)

Yeah, it's weird. I don't even. I know I do it, but I

Bald Brian (71:06)

would say it's on your note. It's on your notes, on some piece of paper in front of you, minimum, once a week.

Judd Apatow (71:11)

They say that doodling actually helps you be more creative and that people who doodle in a meeting, like, if they're like drawing a kitten or shapes and pyramids or whatever, that it actually puts them in a creative flow. There's something about it. So the doodling is not about not paying attention. It's a way of paying attention. It's strange.

Adam Carolla (71:33)

Where were you when I was in junior high with my peachy folder?

Bald Brian (71:37)

He is paying attention. Look,

Adam Carolla (71:42)

on a saddish note, I don't know why. The only thing worse. Back to the super bowl before we bring it home here. The only worse than taking the money line on the underdog and having the underdog up 28 to 3, blow a commander as you go into the fourth quarter, is this move that people do. And it drives me nuts. I called my guy Rob, who's cleaning up the other shop after the super bowl party, and he did this one. He went, hey, man, how about that game last night? And I said, yeah. And he goes, good for you, right? You had the Pats. And I said, no, I didn't. I had Atlanta. And he's like, oh, I thought you had the Pats. And I was like, well, that's clear, because we just discussed that. But no. So you didn't have the Pats. No, I had Atlanta. I had the money line. Oh, yeah. If you'd taken the Pats. I said, rob, I didn't take the Pats. I know, but if you take the Pats, then you don't need to explain how gambling works to me. Rob, I did not take the Pats. This was bad. It's getting a lot worse. Who are these people? He's literally going, well, the people that took the Pats won.

Bald Brian (72:51)

And you're not in that group, but

Adam Carolla (72:52)

you wouldn't be part of that fraternity, would you? And I'd be like, no, stop. Why?

Plain White Tees Singer (72:57)

Who.

Adam Carolla (72:58)

Who are the people after coast to a stop with their wrong assumption. Like, they go, like. It's not like I've done the move where the doors, they say push and they say pull. They shouldn't start with the first two letters. It screws me up. But I'll grab it and I'll push it when I should have pulled it, and I'll go, oh, I'm wrong. And then I'll do correct. But I don't sit there and slowly wean myself off of my ever slightly lower tugs. Rob has to wean himself off his incorrect assumptions. Like, you took the Pats, right? No, I took Atlanta. So not at all. No, not Atlanta. I took Atlanta. I took the money in Atlanta. Oh, I thought you took the. Yes, I know. Please, can we just end it at this point?

Judd Apatow (73:46)

Where does Tom Brady's greatness bother you, or do you admire it?

Adam Carolla (73:50)

I admire it. And it's both. It's both.

Bald Brian (73:54)

I don't know about your party, but where I was when he started, when he tied the game up, when overtime, I screamed out loud and maybe made an ask myself, tom Brady is the fucking Antichrist, because no one should be able to do what he does.

Judd Apatow (74:04)

I always feel bad just for the people who are collapsing. So that's why I can't really enjoy sports that much, because I was such a nerd, so bad at sports that my mind goes straight to the tears of the other people. So I can't luxuriate in this amazing feat because I just think, oh, the pain.

Adam Carolla (74:22)

And Atlanta let him do it. I mean, they threw a pass on third and one with eight minutes left. Stuff the ball up the middle, maybe get your first down, but if not, just stuff it up the middle. Middle and run the clock and punt it and pin him deep.

Judd Apatow (74:37)

Tell me how you think that actually happens, that call.

Bald Brian (74:41)

I'll just say quickly. I was listening to Keyshawn Johnson on the Radio coming in. And he theorized that Kyle Shanahan runs the offense, Dan Quinn's the defensive guy, and Kyle Shannon runs the offense. I think it was a little bit of hubris. He thought it was a little bit of hubris of like, this is the guy who got us here. This is the mvp. We're riding our guy all the way where this is going to win him the MVP and maybe, maybe bit him a little bit.

Judd Apatow (75:02)

Happened a couple of years ago, didn't it? There was another big play like that where.

Adam Carolla (75:05)

Yeah, that was Seattle.

Bald Brian (75:06)

That was ironically Tom Brady.

Adam Carolla (75:08)

If you, if you go and really break that down. Marshawn lynch had been stuffed at the goal line quite a few times coming into that. That play they called did score most of the time.

Bald Brian (75:22)

It was a tremendous defensive effort. Talking about now the.

Adam Carolla (75:25)

Where the DB shut the door. It was a good call and it did work statistically better than handing it to Lynch. Everyone just went with, what was that? Cr. But when you break it down, this is just. Yeah, it's a little overconfident. We're riding, we're going to close this game up. And if they just, by the way, they had a yard and a half to get, there's nothing, say they couldn't have run for a yard and a half, Move the change, run the clock, and so on and so forth. Can I plug one thing before I'm going to plug, but you plug too.

Judd Apatow (75:53)

Okay. The other thing I was going to tell people is our show Love, which is on Netflix, is coming back in the middle of March. That's with Paul Rust and GILLIAN Jason.

Adam Carolla (76:03)

It's March 10th, by the way.

Judd Apatow (76:05)

Are you binging a lot? Do you binge all the shows or you don't?

Adam Carolla (76:08)

No, I don't know how to binge, but I will if you tell me to binge.

Judd Apatow (76:11)

You don't need to. You don't need to.

Adam Carolla (76:12)

No, Shall.

Judd Apatow (76:13)

I'm not even saying that's how you should watch it because there are certain shows that I watch like once every three months over like eight years. I slow a binge down. You know, I'm three seasons into Breaking Bad. I've been watching it for like seven years. I guess that's the pace I like to watch it at.

Adam Carolla (76:27)

So Love. That's Netflix season two, March 10th. Then we got girls, final season coming back. That's February 12th. That's 10 o'.

Commercial Voice (76:36)

Clock.

Adam Carolla (76:36)

Of course, then we got Crashing Pete

Judd Apatow (76:40)

Holmes and then the Crashing Tour and the main one that is in LA on the 18th at the Regent Region. Pete Nardi, which is PeteHomes.com youm can get it. And there'll be some special guests at all of these. I think it looks like Dave Attell is going to do the one in New York on the 18th. Then we're going to be in San Francisco at the Herbst theater on the 22nd. And we're in Philly at the Trocadero. And all these are for different charities.

Bald Brian (77:09)

Excellent.

Adam Carolla (77:09)

US live shows wherever you can go to AdamCarolla.com and find out what we're up to. My next car racing doc, the 24 Hour War. Although I'm doing a k R that Judd would probably enjoy seeing as well. So we got a lot of stuff going on. You can get at chassis C H-A-S S-Y.com and Corolla drinks. Get a little mangria. You can watch me on a match game coming up with Baldwin. That's February 15th, so we'll keep you posted.

Judd Apatow (77:37)

How's that? I got asked to do that. I got scared and said no. I just got scared.

Adam Carolla (77:41)

It's fun, it's easy. It's fun and easy. Except for me. I can't spell and my. My. My handwriting is horrible. So when I got to spell something and hold it up, it's always. It's. It's the worst position you could ever put me in. But Baldwin got hold of me personally. He's like, adam, you need to do me a favor. I need some comedy on this show. You gotta come out.

Bald Brian (77:58)

John Apatow dropped out.

Adam Carolla (78:00)

Screw the booth. We tried to get Tony Fields. Turns out she's not with us anymore. God rest her soul.

Bald Brian (78:05)

We got her leg, but that's it.

Adam Carolla (78:06)

Not nearly as big as people remember, by the way. Go back and wait. All right, so until next time, it's Adam Kroll for Judd Apatow and Paul Brian saying, mahalo. I want to keep my ovaries.

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Adam Carolla (78:27)

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Adam Carolla (78:30)

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Plain White Tees Singer (78:31)

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Plain White Tees Singer (78:48)

Huzzah.

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Adam Carolla (78:53)

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Podcast Narrator (80:03)

all right, that's Adam Kurilla Show 2004 with the great Judd Aptow. And up next we have adam Kurilla show 1065 featuring plain white tees along with Allison Rose and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2013.

Commercial Voice (80:14)

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Adam Carolla (80:18)

I swear, if I'm lying, I'm dying. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra.

Plain White Tees Singer (80:23)

Free.

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Plain White Tees Singer (80:40)

Huzzah.

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Pluto TV stream now. Pay. Never.

Adam Carolla (80:48)

Good day, Alison Rose.

Allison Rosen (80:49)

Hello, Adam. Carolla.

Adam Carolla (80:50)

Good day, Bald Brian. Macaroni and cheese.

Bald Brian (80:53)

That's today's top drop. Hashtag, top drop. Requested by several people. First by Michael Whalen. So thanks, Michael.

Adam Carolla (80:58)

Macaroni Cheese. I love that Delilah song of theirs. I gotta tell you, like, I don't. I'm a sucker. I don't know. I'm not sure what to call stuff like pop, but I just love a pop song.

Allison Rosen (81:11)

I think pop works.

Adam Carolla (81:12)

I think pop works. It's a ditty. Yeah. And one of the few. It's almost like I can hear it now. Brian, hence the conversation we had on the phone eight minutes ago. But there's not a lot of new songs that I listen to and that I dig. And I just dig this song. But then I realized most songs about

Allison Rosen (81:36)

chicks I like or songs about Jesus, when you think they're about girls for a Second, you like them.

Adam Carolla (81:43)

I praise you.

Allison Rosen (81:46)

Now, see, do you have the thing that I have, which is. I don't think I'm exposed to new music as much anymore.

Adam Carolla (81:51)

Not at all. Not at all. I'm that way. I'm with you 100%. Yeah. It used to be you just have to.

Allison Rosen (81:58)

Yeah. Be on the radio. Your friend will be playing it. Or. I used to go to clubs and I used to see live music a lot. Now you have to pay me.

Adam Carolla (82:05)

Also. Also, there's a. Don't turn it off. Also, there's the thing where a movie would have a huge song in it and you couldn't escape the Rocky song. Or even Laverne and Shirley, like, I don't really know, you know, the Big Bang Theory theme song. You know what I mean? It doesn't get played on the radio,

Allison Rosen (82:24)

but like, do they even have theme songs?

Adam Carolla (82:25)

Yeah, they do. Like they have like they Might Be Giants or something. Some sort of nerd rock version or whatever. But it's not like I would. I would watch Rockford Files because I wanted to hear the Rockford Files song.

Allison Rosen (82:40)

I would watch Alvin and the Chipmunks because I wanted to hear the Alvin and the. The Chipmunk song.

Adam Carolla (82:43)

Right.

Bald Brian (82:43)

Plus, in all seriousness, songs and movies used to not. They're inextricably linked. Yeah. Movie song was that movie. Nowadays movies use the same songs. If I hear that, what is it? How you like me now that's in a lot of movies and trailers and commercials and TV shows.

Adam Carolla (82:58)

So I had a nice, nice visit my mom and stepdad today. You guys tell me. Yeah, you can pop down. You guys tell me what you do if you knew were me. First off, a lot of comedy with my family. We're not intimate people, so we like to talk about stuff. So it's usually a lot of talk about. It kind of goes like this. John and I found a really dynamite place for breakfast. It's off of La Brea. It's west of First Street. I'm already not going there mode, you know, it's already out of range mode for me. Is it east of First, John? West. Okay. Yeah, it's west. It's on the. Well, it's on first. The address may be on first. Anyway. If you like muffins. If you like muffins. And I just think to myself, I always just have the same thought, which is, you're going to be 80 in a couple of months and we'll all be dead in a few years. How much muffin talk? I don't Eat muffins. I never talk about muffins. Rarely do I weave it into a conversation. I'm not like a lemon or poppy seed. What kind of dude are you? Because I want to know if we can hang, but then we have a conversation about this breakfast place that I'm never going to go to and about muffins for a long period of time.

Allison Rosen (84:24)

Right. It sounds like you're having conversations about stuff to avoid actually relating. You aren't, but that's what's happening.

Adam Carolla (84:32)

If we were both muffin chefs, I

Allison Rosen (84:34)

could see this personal muffin question still

Adam Carolla (84:39)

be a little lopsided. Be a little heavy in the muffin related conversation.

Bald Brian (84:42)

We have to talk shop again.

Adam Carolla (84:44)

But we talk about muffins and that kind of stuff. And then we, you know, yeah, it's good. You know, it's America. It's not. You don't, you know, it's not dressy, it's not fancy, but it's very consistent,

Allison Rosen (84:56)

you know, do you get baited into keeping up your end of the conversation and being like, and what kind of muffins do they have?

Adam Carolla (85:02)

I just do the. Well, if we're going to talk about nothing, you know, let's just talk about nothing. So then I, yeah, we start talking about. Yeah, you know, well, breakfast joints are always crowded. Yeah, well, this one's crowded too. But I wouldn't go on a Sunday, you know, that kind of talk. So we talk about nothing for a while. The best part is the book. I'm going to make it to one year. I've realized I had to go up and check on Amazon. Not Taco Bell material. June 2, I do believe is a

Bald Brian (85:33)

year since it came out.

Adam Carolla (85:34)

I think June 2, that could have been the other book. We'll figure it out. Yeah, I went and checked. It's June 2nd. So my mom, every time she comes over, says, do you have a book around? And I say, got a book on muffins, bitch? No. I say, Ah, sorry. June 12th. June 12th. So I say, yeah, you know the book. No, I mean, not here. I got at the shop. I got some at the shop. I don't have any here. She goes, oh, okay. She never says, why wouldn't you have your book here? She just goes, okay, she's checking.

Bald Brian (86:14)

Never follows up with, because I'd like to read it.

Adam Carolla (86:17)

Oh, that's implied. That's implied. It's implied.

Bald Brian (86:20)

She's doing a survey. If you have books lying around, I

Adam Carolla (86:22)

think you can probably go to Amazon now that the paperback's out. Probably get A used one for $7.99. But I think it's the point of pride for her not paying for her son's book. But since her son's not giving up the book now, we got ourselves an old fashioned muffin standoff. So we're going on a year. We're sneaking up on a year here with no reedsy on the booksy. I would assume she doesn't want to read it, is my assumption. Oh, 8:27. Sorry, I was way off for the use one.

Allison Rosen (86:51)

Yeah, because you think that if she really wanted to read it, she would do what most people do and just go buy it.

Adam Carolla (86:57)

I have a theory in life which is people do what they want to do and you know by whether they're doing it or not.

Allison Rosen (87:08)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (87:09)

Homeless guys have $200 a day coke habits that they seem to maintain. I don't know how a guy who doesn't have a job can maintain a $200 day Coke habit.

Allison Rosen (87:19)

They find a way.

Adam Carolla (87:20)

They do find a way. And I know when somebody really is into something, they find a way to get. I mean, it can be drugs, look, sex, whatever sex you're into, whatever you're into. I mean, like I said all those To Catch a Predator things. The guy drove from Fresno to Flagstaff and he just went all night, you know, And I'm sure the night before his 51 year old old lady said, hey, could you take the garbage out? And he's like, Jesus Christ, you're my Samson over here. Like, I can't, I need a couple days. But they can drive all night for pussy, you know. So I've pretty much decided, and I've seen it in many people in my life that when they want to do something, they're pretty good at it. And when they don't want to do something, doesn't really get done. So you will know not by what the person says, but by what the person does whether they really want to do something. So I'm assuming she doesn't want to do it.

Allison Rosen (88:20)

And when you start looking at the world that way, that's really depressing. Well, I mean, it's really real.

Adam Carolla (88:26)

It is. It's the only truth you need to know.

Allison Rosen (88:29)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (88:30)

And look, whether someone says I want to do stand up comedy and you talk to them two years later and they're still telling you, I'm thinking about trying out stand up, they're not interested. Chris Rock was doing standup when he was 13. He's interested in stand up. That's how you know when you meet the 41 year old guy who's still thinking about doing his first open micr. Not into stand up, which is fine. Don't tell the guy who knows everything what you're planning on doing when you've never done it before.

Allison Rosen (88:56)

So you think she's just asking if you have the book? Do you think that's just courtesy?

Adam Carolla (89:03)

No, she would take it and she would read it, but there's a difference between, you know, listen, I'll read the In Flight magazine if I'm stuck in a chair long enough. When you want something, you seek it out. She's not.

Bald Brian (89:18)

You're not gonna subscribe?

Adam Carolla (89:19)

She's not seeking, but that's fine. Cause it works fine. It's fine with me and I think it's fine with her as well. It is funny that she asked every single time she comes to house and every single time I just go, I don't. Of the book. And that's the end of that discussion now. Dilemma. First off, updates. I always love this with family updates. Our neighbors, our old time neighbors who I realized weren't going real far in life at some point moved out and they moved up north. And my mom is insisting on staying in touch. The boy, who's a couple years older than me now, growing up, we're friends. Good news on his three kids. The son who was shot in the head by the friend and is blind, is adapting, learning skills and crafts and doing pretty well considering he's fairly new to the blind game. The two daughters, they're out of prison.

Allison Rosen (90:23)

Wonderful.

Adam Carolla (90:24)

The twins are out of prison.

Allison Rosen (90:25)

Wonderful.

Adam Carolla (90:25)

And they're doing fantastically.

Allison Rosen (90:27)

What were they in prison for?

Adam Carolla (90:28)

Well, all I know is when I asked about the two 21 year old twins, how are they doing? I said, how's one of them doing? And my wife said, oh, you know, she's in prison. And then I said, how's the other one doing? And she said, not so good. And I remember, I thought, the one who's in prison, that's the one who's, that's, that's the lead. That's the benchmark. That's. We hope the other one can get up to the incarcerated part.

Allison Rosen (90:52)

Wow. So they both separately ended up in prison then.

Adam Carolla (90:57)

Yeah. It's not, it's unfair.

Allison Rosen (90:58)

I assume they committed some kind of twin crime.

Bald Brian (91:00)

Oh, Oh.

Adam Carolla (91:00)

I thought, no, just be unfair if like Sonny decided to go rogue and they pulled Natalia out of Yale and went, sorry, sonny robbed the 711 in Gardena. You're going in too.

Allison Rosen (91:10)

That's the bond of twins?

Adam Carolla (91:12)

Yeah. No. But my mom keeps track of a lot of life's misfits and then reports back to me on that. But I feel like we could probably talk about muffins and other things that were more interesting. So now here's the dilemma. And you tell. Oh, by the way, Merlene, a longtime friend of the family, who. Merlene, longtime friend of the family, used to do a little babysitting stuff. She's featured in Hoarders.

Allison Rosen (91:45)

Wow.

Adam Carolla (91:46)

My mom says, your mom knows celebrities. Featured is the word. And without an ounce of judgment.

Allison Rosen (91:52)

Does she know what hoarders is?

Adam Carolla (91:53)

Oh, yeah. She thinks that John Popper Tour. Aren't the Black Crows going out with them this year?

Bald Brian (92:01)

It's almost like a roast joke. Like, I saw your episode of Hoarders.

Adam Carolla (92:04)

It was great. She says, without any judgment whatsoever. Merlene featured Hoarders. Wow.

Bald Brian (92:12)

Featured, profiled.

Adam Carolla (92:14)

Awesome. So now. Now the dilemma question. Okay, It's a big question. You guys. Tell me what you would do. So we're just sitting there, just kind of sitting, talking about muffins and, you know, shooting the shit about muffins. And at a certain point, my stepdad John gets up and says, I'm going to go to the car and get my sunglasses. And he gets up in the car, gets his sunglasses. And then my mom says, oh, you did that race last weekend. Now what? Now you won one class of that or something. What was the story there? And I said, well, I'll tell you the story. And she said, hold on, hold on. Let's wait for John. He's going to want to hear this. And I said, okay. And we sat there, and two minutes later, John came back, sat down, and we continued the muffin talk. And then an hour later, my mom piped up and said, john's too shy to ask, but you think you can get him on a tour of Jay Leno's garage? And I said, I think I probably, probably arranged that. And then we talked about jay Leno for 10 minutes. A little more muffin talk. End of visit.

Allison Rosen (93:28)

They never asked again about the race.

Adam Carolla (93:30)

Never came up. So here's the question. Now, the backstory is John was invited to come out to Long beach to watch said race last week and declined. Bowed out, bowed out. Now, saw him. He didn't say, like, hey, man, sorry, but I rolled my ankle on the way to the car. It was just. It never. It never happened. It never happened. Bizarre that they would bring up something in the automotive world again, right? Like, that's kind of a ballsy ass.

Allison Rosen (93:58)

Clear of it. No pun, right?

Adam Carolla (94:00)

But there should be. You know, the way those things normally are supposed to work when you're wired correctly is. Hey, man, huge win at Long Beach. Heard all about it on the Ultranet. Real exciting. Speaking of cars, your buddy Jay Leno, do you think John could swing by and take a look at a guy who's not a real race car driver like yourself over there? That kind of thing is a little. Little sunshine up the ass. And then over that, nice transition over to the automobile. No, this was just. Hey, can you do this for me? Now, here's the question. It's fine. With my family, you never have to do anything. Everything will just go away. You don't have to. There's no discussion. Like, hey, what about when you told John you take him to Jay? It's been nearly a month now. What's going on? It'll never come up again. But be very easy to call Leno and take stepdad, who's good guy, on a tour of garage. But I don't feel like I'd be sending the right message if I did that. What do you guys.

Allison Rosen (94:59)

Are these people? Cape. These people who are your family? Are your loved ones capable of receiving a message?

Adam Carolla (95:05)

No. Well, they can get pretty easily offended.

Allison Rosen (95:13)

I. Whatever you want to do, I support. I would say, since you feel like he's a nice guy, perhaps hook it up. Unless you're gonna feel resentful that you didn't. Cause, like, at their age, it's just muffins and then death, right?

Adam Carolla (95:32)

And not in that order, but yes. My mom says she can be eating muffins in the afterlife. But let me say this. But let me say this. I have this thing in life where I give people like Javier Bardem. Let the old guy behind the counter flip the coin.

Bald Brian (95:50)

That's right.

Adam Carolla (95:50)

You know what I mean? I will put it in your hands. You may. You will decide your fate, in other words. Now, it's not fair to say a coin toss, but what I'm saying is our relationship will be as great or as flat. It can be all muffin talk all the time, or it can be me and you, arms hooked, skipping through Leno's endless garage. That'll be up to you. But the way that'll be up to you is if I say, you know, here's an offer. Long Beach Grand Prix. I'm going to win it two years in a row, come on out. And you go, meh. And then you never bring it up again. You kind of made that decision not to do the arm skipping. That's the way I feel.

Allison Rosen (96:33)

Well, yeah, in terms of meeting you halfway or even meeting you at all. If this is at all contingent on them holding up their end of the stick, then no, they've done nothing to earn this largesse from you.

Bald Brian (96:47)

Also, your mom brought it up proactively, the race, which is against her nature.

Adam Carolla (96:50)

So give her very against. Very against her nature. Yes.

Bald Brian (96:53)

And also, I don't know, you obviously know them a lot. They're in their 70s, 80s. Maybe there's a forgetfulness factor. You know, people get a little foggy at that age. Maybe she forgot to bring it up again.

Allison Rosen (97:01)

Haven't they been forgetful since?

Adam Carolla (97:03)

Yeah, but they didn't forget about Jay Leno.

Bald Brian (97:06)

That's a good point.

Adam Carolla (97:07)

I didn't bring that up. They brought that up. John evidently has a love hate relationship with the automobile. These are very mixed feelings about the automobile.

Bald Brian (97:19)

Self loathing auto enthusiast.

Allison Rosen (97:21)

It almost feels like throwing good money after bad, if you know what I mean to like. It's like, how many times are you gonna extend yourself for people who don't seem to appreciate it? These people who are your family?

Adam Carolla (97:33)

I don't extend myself that often. All I do is I go. If you want to call and go to lunch, we'll call, we'll go to lunch. But if you don't, then we won't. And then the phone never rings for the most part. All right. But in general, I feel like, let people make their own bed with you. And everyone should be free to do this too. Just judge people by their actions, not by their words. See how they do. And then you can do or not do. I'll say that the Long beach thing was a weird thing because it was an opportunity. It's never happened before where I've said to him, you want to go do this? And he just said no. So very bizarre. But who knows? Maybe it'll happen with the Leno thing to work that out.

Allison Rosen (98:21)

Maybe it'll happen that you will get to hang out or the hill.

Adam Carolla (98:24)

No, maybe it'll happen that I'll throw out. I could say, good, let's go tonight. And he'd probably say, he'll bow out. Right? He'll bow out.

Allison Rosen (98:30)

Oh, right, yeah.

Adam Carolla (98:31)

Could very well be.

Allison Rosen (98:32)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (98:33)

Maybe we'll do it all via the ultranet with go to my PC.

Bald Brian (98:37)

Good luck.

Adam Carolla (98:37)

Maybe that's the way. Maybe that's the way we'll do the whole thing. I'll sit at my computer, I'll access Jay Leno's computer. He can put his cars up on there. Stuck somewhere like your own horrible life. Airport. Muffin shop. Muffin shop in hell. Restaurant. Doctor's office. Just wasting time. Go to my PC. Brought to you by Citrix. You can access your office computer from your smartphone, your tablet, your work, and you can work while you're waiting. Go to my PC. It turns your iPad, your iPhone, Android Kindle fire into your work computer and you can try it for free. Free. Free today. Free at last. Great God almighty. Free. It lasts 45 days. Free. A free trial visit. Go to my PC.com, click on the Try it free button and enter the promo code. Adam.

Bald Brian (99:32)

Hell's Muffin Shop sounds like the world's best RIP club. I want to go there.

Adam Carolla (99:39)

My mom conversations too intimate for her. I mean, like, real conversation is too intimate. And she does. She gets very uncomfortable. If anyone's had any level of achievement or victory or any. She doesn't like people excelling or talking about themselves or anything.

Allison Rosen (99:59)

Do you think it does? Why do you think that is?

Adam Carolla (100:03)

It's something that her mom passed down to her. As I've always famously said, I got baited into bragging about the San Gennaro feast in front of my grandmother and mom once, which is what it ends up being, is just stifling. So you don't talk about anything. You just sit there. They go, what are you up to? You could be working on your independent film or Paul Newman documentary or whatever the hell you're doing. And you just go, eh, this and that, you know, not much. Same old same. Because you don't want to get into it, because you'll never get into it.

Bald Brian (100:37)

Yeah, they're the shovel of sand on your bonfire of achievement.

Adam Carolla (100:40)

Right. So I just. I don't talk about any, you know, why would I talk about stuff? And so what happens is I got sucked in because my sister went to the supermarket about five, seven years ago, and she said, saw picture you. It's a famous store. She said, saw picture you at the supermarket. I said, what supermarket? And she said, it's Topanga or something. I said, what was I doing in the picture? And she said, I don't know. I don't know. And I said, what do you mean? Like a headshot behind the butcher counter, like up there? Like, you know, you're gonna need more information. No one saws those bones like you, Sam.

Bald Brian (101:19)

You're swimming towards her lure right now.

Adam Carolla (101:21)

Yeah. And she said, yeah. No, I don't know. I don't know what it was. I said, well, just my Pictures up at a supermarket, huh? She said, yeah. I said, you didn't want to investigate at all? She said, yeah, I don't recall. My family's very casual that way. And I said, breezy, what was it? What could it be? I don't know. Why is my picture up at a supermarket? Then she said, something with cheese. And I said, cheese, Cheese. What am I doing with cheese? And she said, I don't know.

Plain White Tees Singer (101:58)

Cheese.

Adam Carolla (101:59)

And I said, oh, oh, oh, oh, precious cheese. They're sponsors. San Gennaro Feast, me and Jimmy. It's Feast of San Gennaro, and they're sponsors of our feast that we have is a picture of me and Jimmy probably up in their display, macaroni and cheese. And somebody piped up like my mom and said, feast of San Gennaro, what is this? We're like four or five years into it. And I said, and this is the part. Now, I took the bait. Now, I got sucked in because I don't talk about anything. But I went, all right. I said, well, actually, it's a pretty big deal. We close off the street behind Jimmy's theater. Thousands of people show up, up. We have a scholarship that we've arranged for needy kids. And my grandmother jumped in and yelled, bon Jovi gave a million dollars to Katrina relief. And then everyone turned toward my grandmother and said, million dollars. That's a lot of money. And then we talked about Bon Jovi for the next 15 minutes. And then we transitioned into muffin talk. And I realized my grandmother couldn't tolerate me bragging essentially about my San Gennaro related achievements. And that's got passed down.

Allison Rosen (103:16)

That's bragging in quotes, right? Because you don't see it as bragging, do you?

Adam Carolla (103:21)

Well, from my family, anytime you talk about yourself in a non negative way, it's bragging. Like if you go, I did a fair to middling job brushing my teeth this morning. It's like, okay, Donald Trump, zip it already, would you? Don't be a 1 upper.

Allison Rosen (103:37)

Like I said before.

Adam Carolla (103:38)

Yeah. So everything feels like. Everything feels like bragging. You never talk about yourself. You never talk about achievement. You never talk about anyone. You just don't. So we end up talking about our neighbors and muffins the whole time.

Allison Rosen (103:50)

Your neighbors who are in jail and hoarders.

Adam Carolla (103:52)

Right? And muffins. Maybe she hoards muffins or just those baskets that come in.

Allison Rosen (103:57)

Where did this soul crushing muffin talk occur?

Adam Carolla (103:59)

I was sitting outside on my. On my deck. And so. So I was technically bragging about the San Gennaro Feast. But I wasn't really talking about me. I was talking about the scholarship and raising money.

Bald Brian (104:14)

All the good you do for the community.

Adam Carolla (104:15)

And the good I was doing for the community.

Allison Rosen (104:17)

Bragging about your philanthropy.

Adam Carolla (104:19)

It felt like bragging, so it couldn't be tolerated. And so Grandma jumped in with Bon Jovi. We quickly shifted the conversation. And about a year later, I remember as I talked to my mom, and she said, you know, maybe we'll come over and talk muffins on Friday or Thursday night or something, a little muffin talk. And I said, I can't. Have to go to the San Gennaro Priminote feast. The priminote's Thursday night. And she said, what's that? I said, feast of San Gennaro. And she said, I don't know what that is. And I said, I. I told you last year about it. And she said, I don't remember us talking about it. And then I thought, mission accomplished, Grandma. You did a wonderful job of rinsing this accomplishment right out of everyone's hair.

Allison Rosen (105:09)

Phew.

Adam Carolla (105:10)

Yeah.

Allison Rosen (105:11)

Lest they think something positive about you.

Bald Brian (105:13)

It's a close call.

Adam Carolla (105:14)

It was a close call. So are we down with Leno's garage or not?

Bald Brian (105:21)

You should do your usual thing and let them bring it back to you, which they never will and you'll never have to it. Do.

Plain White Tees Singer (105:25)

Do it.

Adam Carolla (105:26)

Okay. All right. All right. Allison.

Allison Rosen (105:28)

Yeah. I'm very torn. I really feel like it comes down to which will you personally feel better about. Will you feel better if you do this nice gesture for people who don't deserve it, or will you feel better if you sent a message and adhered to your sense of justice?

Adam Carolla (105:45)

I don't care either way. I like my stepdad. He's a nice guy. He's just, you know, socially a mess like everyone else in the family.

Bald Brian (105:52)

It wouldn't really feel worse if he set it up. Make the whole arrangement. It's gonna happen Saturday, and he bows out on Friday.

Adam Carolla (105:58)

Oh, no, I don't give a shit. I just go anyway. It's just a good point. All right, let's see. Playing my tease here. They're gonna play for us. Speaking of cool events, Cinco de Mayo party coming up. All the money. This is at the Malibu house. All the money is going to the children's hospital. Oh, Grandmother's roll up in her grave right now.

Bald Brian (106:21)

Let's ease up on the Cinco de Mayo talk.

Allison Rosen (106:22)

But it's bragging.

Adam Carolla (106:24)

Richie Sambor gave very generously to Doctors Without Borders. I can hear it just like screaming from the cloud down at me right now.

Bald Brian (106:32)

Your grandma knows who Richie Sambor is.

Adam Carolla (106:34)

I didn't know she knew who Bon Jovi was. That was.

Allison Rosen (106:38)

She follows all the hot charitable donations.

Adam Carolla (106:41)

Yeah. Proceeds going to children's hospital tickets, tax deductibles. Susanna Hoff, by the way of the Bengals. Just put. Put in place. Fits in the tantrums. John Popper. And he's gonna be there with guitarist and me and many more celebs and people signing on to be a part of this very worthy project.

Allison Rosen (107:04)

I think celebs including Bob, Bryan and me will be there.

Bald Brian (107:07)

Top of the list.

Adam Carolla (107:08)

Come on, Alistair.

Bald Brian (107:09)

Alistair's alphabetically. Alphabetically.

Adam Carolla (107:10)

Allison and Brian, come on out and enjoy a little Mangria and enjoy the sunshine.

Bald Brian (107:15)

Oh, this is launching the white Mangria officially, right?

Adam Carolla (107:18)

Yeah. I don't. Honestly. We're just raising some money and getting drunk in the sun.

Bald Brian (107:23)

Well, this would be a good excuse for. This would be a good time for Kevin Nealon to spill white wine on your rug.

Adam Carolla (107:29)

Beg Kevin Nealon to spill white Mangria in my house. Oh, only. Cause it's the greatest thing ever. Can we please find him talking about Jumbo? It was just the greatest. He had one minute to talk in front of the city council about elephants being free.

Allison Rosen (107:48)

But he figured because he's a professional comedian, he can be funny and entertaining at length. He didn't really need to Prepare for just one minute.

Adam Carolla (107:57)

It really. As a guy who does 100 minutes on stage a lot, you start getting used to. If I do 100 minutes, what is a six minute set sitting next to the Tonight Show? Or what's a minute in front of the city council talking about an elephant? It's longer than you think. I'm Kevin Nealon and I am not anti zoo, but I am anti inadequate zoo. And I just want what's best for Billy the Elephant and not what's best for the LA Zoo. And it's 50 seconds. Seconds.

Judd Apatow (108:32)

I just.

Adam Carolla (108:33)

10 seconds. Took 10 seconds for him to come and run. An elephant has a choice to go to a habitat or a sanctuary like the one down in Tennessee. I'm sure that they would take that in one second. From the history that we understand about the LA County Zoo, it's not a great place for elephants. Look at all the elephants that have died there since 1975. And it's not good. So I'm. I'm in favor of moving Billy out. Out of the zoo, as I think everybody should be. And I'm sorry that so many people are misguided with the exhibit for the plans for the exhibit as it exists now.

Judd Apatow (109:06)

Thank you.

Adam Carolla (109:07)

He was able to kill 46 seconds. He didn't get this full minute out. Yeah, it can be a long time.

Bald Brian (109:14)

He yielded his time.

Adam Carolla (109:15)

Mm. Should have woven in a little hot muffin talk in there.

Allison Rosen (109:19)

You could hear that. He wished elephant had more syllables.

Adam Carolla (109:24)

All right, shall we do what do we got? Some favorite tweets to get into over here. You guys tweet me everything. I put it to the side, and I like to look at it. And then it reminds me what to complain about later on in life. You tweet him crap about passion fruit

Judd Apatow (109:44)

iced tea, viragosa, and pizza with goat cheese. The stupid signs on Los Angeles streets. These are a few of his favorited tweets.

Adam Carolla (109:56)

Oh, this is a. This is a gang leader who's fathered five kids with four Baltimore prison guards. I think we got a Definitely not a Jew leader in the clubhouse here.

Bald Brian (110:09)

Probably not a Jew.

Adam Carolla (110:10)

We got Baltimore. We got gang leader. We got sired five kids with four Baltimore prison guards since 2009. This is why I want people killed when they're in prison, especially if they're in there for murder, but even lighter offenses as well. The fact that these guys are siring kids from. These weren't conjugal visits. These were banging prison guards. I didn't know they put the chicks in with the dudes.

Allison Rosen (110:44)

It would seem they.

Adam Carolla (110:45)

Mm. Two of the four of the ladies have a tattoo.

Allison Rosen (110:49)

Someone explain how this works to Brian.

Adam Carolla (110:50)

Two of the four of the ladies have a tattoo of his name on them.

Allison Rosen (110:55)

Now, that had to be in the joint, too, the giving of the tattoo.

Adam Carolla (110:59)

Well, no, they work there, so they're corrections officers, so they're allowed to go out and get real tattoos. Although it seems weird, like, to go, you know, But I don't know how, and I don't know if they've been let go. It'd be nice if they were let go, but they have a strong union.

Bald Brian (111:18)

If they were fired, do you think the ACLU would come down on the prison?

Adam Carolla (111:22)

I don't know anything anymore. All I know is I'll bet they would. Serial stabber Tex Watson is still in jail and has three or four adult kids that he sired from. From prison. And look, the deal with all this stuff is, look, people can argue about the death penalty, and they can argue about how we should work and locking up drug addicts. And I don't like locking up drug addicts and things like that, but I Think we can all agree on a few basic things about prison not shitting out kids. It's hard to pay for kids when you're on the outside. But this is you. We're paying 50 grand a year for you to be incarcerated and you're shitting out more kids. And I just would like a little more judging.

Allison Rosen (112:07)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (112:08)

Or.

Allison Rosen (112:08)

And a few more condoms. And imagine how much these women all hate each other. These four guards who all had kids with the same.

Bald Brian (112:15)

Is awkward, man.

Adam Carolla (112:17)

Yeah. They're gonna throw down and sell Block H. All right, what is the next one that somebody Human resources.

Bald Brian (112:24)

Their hands full over there.

Adam Carolla (112:27)

Ah, this is. And this one comes with a picture. And this is what drives me insane how I go nuts with the clicketer ticket in LA and on the billboards everywhere. This guy tweeted me a picture of his 1973 Cadillac. Cadillac. I took Cadillac's converter and turned it into a Cadillac. His 73 Cadillac sedan Deville 73 with the big bright fasten the seat belts placard. So we're now what, 40 years into this. And again, maybe the freeway sign should say stop fucking in prison. Like, shouldn't it say no prison fucking couldn't. It could have Muffin talk like anything but click it. Or ticket that's built into every automobile on the road. That much we know. That's the one thing that it does not need to say. But again, it is bright, it is orange, and it says fasten your seatbelts. And it pulsates on the dashboard of a car from 1973.

Bald Brian (113:28)

In this tweet it says loud and buzzing as well.

Adam Carolla (113:30)

Yes, Loud and buzzing. All right, all right, all right. And all right. What else do we have again, legal to turn right on a red drive like champions wake up and drive whatever fucking in prison. Yeah. This is another one about the surviving Boston Bomber. A lot of young girls are out there declaring their desires for the man. He will be fighting off the wedding invitations or the proposals from the joint that'll be his full time gig is reading marriage proposals from the joint. Yes.

Allison Rosen (114:08)

A lot of criminals who receive proposals. I'm like, you have to be fucked up to want to marry that guy. This one, he's just cute.

Podcast Narrator (114:15)

Yeah.

Allison Rosen (114:16)

You mean.

Adam Carolla (114:16)

I mean, yeah.

Allison Rosen (114:17)

No, Unless you're blind. You have to admit it.

Adam Carolla (114:19)

Yeah, he's easy on the eyes. It's just he's not easy on the thighs when the ball bearings are flying. So I would like to kill this guy as soon as we're done waterboarding him for an extended Period of time. But what I don't want him doing is getting married and having conjugal visits. That's what I don't want. And I certainly don't want people who are visiting him getting pregnant. Because as like I always say with the Tex Watson thing, it's the seed of the guy who had thought it'd be a good idea to break into strangers houses and stab them repeatedly. Mixed with a crazy bitch who thought it'd be a good idea to spread her legs for the guy who thought it'd be a good idea to stab people repeatedly. So what's worse, her egg or his sperm?

Bald Brian (115:06)

That's a deadly cocktail, right?

Adam Carolla (115:08)

Yeah. All right, two more quick ones. What do we got in here? Let's see. Oh, yes. This is near and dear to your heart, is it not? Ball, Brian?

Plain White Tees Member (115:21)

No.

Bald Brian (115:21)

Dawson went to this school.

Adam Carolla (115:22)

I went to De La Salle. Yeah, but it's. It's up north, right?

Bald Brian (115:25)

It is.

Adam Carolla (115:25)

It's not too far from where. Where you are, Brian. Is it? Yeah, it's a football. It's a football powerhouse. It's almost. It's probably a national football powerhouse. It is a national football powerhouse.

Bald Brian (115:36)

No, nationally.

Adam Carolla (115:37)

Yeah, yeah.

Bald Brian (115:38)

They have like a 10, 11, 12 year undefeated streak.

Adam Carolla (115:41)

Absolutely that streak. In fact, it was my senior class who lost the championship game in 1992 when the new streak started. Thank God you're ripping a bong load underneath the stands and had nothing to do with the loss. Right. But a movie about De La Salle is going to be made and it's going to be made where? Louisiana, everybody. So take all those tax dollars, pack them up and ship them out to New Orleans, everybody. For a movie about a team that's a basically Bay Area ish. Powerhouse.

Bald Brian (116:17)

Definitely Bay Area.

Adam Carolla (116:18)

And I don't know how you swap out New Orleans for the Bay Area, but either way the Bay Area is not going to see a fucking penny of that.

Bald Brian (116:26)

Could have shot it on location, could

Adam Carolla (116:28)

have shot it at LaSalle, could have shot it at a nice home game, but nope, they will get nothing. And this is a microcosm of how everything works. Why do we not understand this? You can ask anybody. I don't care how liberal you are, you go, why are they going to New Orleans? And they go, they're going to New Orleans because it's cheaper to shoot there. And they're on a budget. And they go, okay, concept absorbed. Yes. Now just apply that to manufacturing and

Bald Brian (117:01)

forget about the tax dollars that California's missing out on. De La Salle probably would have got A pretty penny for a fee just to shoot there for months. A month and a half. Two months.

Adam Carolla (117:10)

Right? Yeah. It's all out the window. All right, let's break it off here. Let's bring in the guys from Plain White Tees. Plain White Tees. Sorry. You know what my mistake was?

Allison Rosen (117:25)

What?

Adam Carolla (117:25)

I was sitting here looking for plain white teas on a piece of paper where it didn't have it written on there, but I knew the name, but I was looking for it. You know what I'm talking about?

Allison Rosen (117:36)

Mm.

Adam Carolla (117:36)

When you go, I'm gonna rely on this, and you start looking for something and then you go, it's not there. It's not there. And now all of a sudden, you don't have the answer.

Allison Rosen (117:44)

That's why you should never read.

Adam Carolla (117:46)

You know what? It's my fault for reading.

Allison Rosen (117:48)

You learned late in life and now you're trying to do it.

Adam Carolla (117:51)

Ah. And it's a good thing I didn't say the name of the album, because the album is something different than what's written on here. All right, we'll get to that in a second. Hulu, baby. Who knew Hulu? I knew Hulu. Plus, watch as many TV shows as you want, anytime, anywhere. Watch current hit shows like Community. That's a good friend. Joel McHale on there. Downton Abbey. That's me. I love them dragons.

Allison Rosen (118:13)

Man, you had that wrong, Adam.

Adam Carolla (118:16)

No, snl, Parks and Rec. There's a good show. Modern Family. Fantabulous show. Plus full slate of reruns and classic shows. Critically acclaimed movies, original series, Eyes. Series, Eyes. Watch on any device. Smartphones, a tablet TV with a PS3 player, Xbox, Blu Ray, Roku. Boom. Everyone loves that Apple TV. And you can try it out $7.99 a month. But wait, my listeners get a special extended free trial. Just go to huluplus.com adam or click on the hulu plus banner on adamcarolla.com

Bald Brian (119:01)

Alison so tickled by that.

Adam Carolla (119:02)

I love that one.

Allison Rosen (119:03)

I was telling Brian, I just think about it and I laugh.

Adam Carolla (119:07)

Let's hear it one more time. Boom. Little glimpse into Natalia. I decided she's threatened by it now. I didn't want to show off in front of Mama and my stepdad, but I wanted to show them that Natalia. She rides that double ended board, that thing with the cylinder in the middle of it. She jumps right on that thing and goes. And she's got a move, too. Where Now I hand her the medicine ball and she holds the medicine ball above her head while her little feetsies are going back and forth. She little hips shaking, you know, boing, doing. And she's shifting and holding and holding and shifting. And so I said. So I dragged her outside. I said, natalia, let's show grandma and grandpa how you can do with that double ended board. And she said, I'm tired. And I said, come on. And she said, I'm tired. And then she did the. You know, it's great when kids do. They're tired because they're all. They're all basically kids. Like, they act like they're on Mexican soap, you know, they're sick of. Right. I'm tired.

Allison Rosen (120:17)

Like in charades, they're trying to get someone to guess what they are.

Adam Carolla (120:19)

Yeah. Like I tell you, I'm tired. But I don't go, I need to put my head down. But kids do that. So she starts splaying out on a lounge chair and goes, I'm tired. And I go, come on. I get to bored. You can show grandma and grandpa. It's really cool. And she goes, I'm tired. And I go, I'm gonna go get the board and the thing. I'm gonna put it out here. And you're gonna show grandma and grandpa. So I go upstairs, I go to the room, I go get the thing, I lug it down there, I set it down. I get her up on the board. She gets up on the board. She's doing it for about 10 seconds. She goes, you bring the medicine ball? I thought you were tired. She's like, hey, man, I'm showing them what I can do. And I'm like, wow, baby, which is it with you? Yeah. All right. So committed. Totally committed. All right. Plain white tees coming in here. They're gonna play live for us, and we'll do that next. Ah, plain white tees. The plain white tees in studio. Should have gone to bed. Named the album songs available on Amazon and album available on Amazon. I'm guessing. I don't know why it says song songs available on Amazon, but you get the whole thing, right? Yeah. You know what to do. Go to AdamCroll.com hit the Amazon banner and pow. Put a little wind in the sails of the pirate ship. Plainwhitetees.com is where you go, and you can Twitter them or tweet them. Lane Whitetees. I'll tell you what. Let's hear a song from the new album live in studio. And then I got some talk talking to do. All right, let's hear it.

Plain White Tees Member (121:55)

This one's called should have gone to bed.

Plain White Tees Singer (122:09)

I Only miss you at midnight when that lonely clock strikes that's when I wish you were here the angel knows it's not right but the devil's in my heart tonight whispering things in my

Commercial Voice (122:26)

ear

Plain White Tees Singer (122:28)

so I down my curve and then I hit you up saying stupid stuff oh, I should have just gone to bed I should have never called you I should have listened to my head when it said leave it alone no few drinks in here I go missing you again God only knows what I said I should have just gone to bed yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah I should have just gone to bed all day long I'm over you never really think of you I keep you out of my head

Plain White Tees Member (123:19)

but some

Plain White Tees Singer (123:19)

nights when I'm striking out you're all I can think about I just gotta have you again so I down my cup and then I hit you saying way too much oh, I should have just gone to bed I should have never called you I should have listened to my head when it said leave it alone no few drinks in here I go missing you again God only knows what I said I should have just gone to bed I should have turned the lights out should have called in at night you should have never picked up my phone call if you're not sleeping here tonight I should have just gone to bed I should have never called you I should have listened listen to my head when it says leave it I should have just gone to bed I should have never called you I should have listened to my head when it said leave it alone no Few drinks in here I go missing you again God only knows what I said I should have just gone to bed yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I should have just gone to bed yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I

Adam Carolla (125:08)

should have gone to bed wow, that sounded unbelievable.

Plain White Tees Member (125:14)

Thank you.

Adam Carolla (125:15)

Should have gone to bed near them. I'll tell you what I think we should do. My God, the harmony. Just unbelievable. And kudos to Dawson over there for making everything sound.

Plain White Tees Member (125:25)

Thanks, Dawson.

Adam Carolla (125:26)

Well, you guys did the lion's share of the work, but I got to live with the guy. You guys are getting on a tour bus. He's going nowhere. The point is. No, I don't mean going nowhere, but just stuck here. He's stuck here with me. Just. You know, I'm so used to everything being auto tuned and being corrected and being fixed.

Plain White Tees Member (125:46)

Oh, we have auto tune built in, actually.

Adam Carolla (125:48)

It's unbelievable. It just sounded incredible. I'll tell you what I think we should do. I think we should take another quick break, get everyone situated and Then we'll come right back when everyone has a mic and everyone's at their place. We'll be right back after that scoop. Hi, I'm Larry Miller. But in a way, aren't we all? And this week on this Week with

Judd Apatow (126:08)

Larry Miller, we go to one of

Adam Carolla (126:10)

the greatest nights of my life. Life. It involves beer, Kentucky Fried Chicken, the movie Maltese Falcon. And I was alone. I'll tell you all about it this week. Tim, Mike Demar and Tom all here and all from the Plain White Tees. I saw you guys over at Darrell Hall's house. Live from Darrell's house.

Plain White Tees Member (126:41)

We're just talking about that.

Adam Carolla (126:42)

And I just tuned in. I don't know if it's VH1. I'm not sure where even I caught it, but it's a really cool series. And you know how much I hate Maneater and many, many, many other whole notes songs. They're just fucking horrible. Horrible. Like they're an attack on the senses. But this is a cool show. He invites bands to come to his house. They jam, then they eat, and they fuck like rabbits. Really took us.

Allison Rosen (127:09)

Were you conflicted about enjoying it at the beginning, before the sex kicked in? You didn't have to be conflicted.

Adam Carolla (127:15)

It was the big meal. It just seemed really cool. How did that. How did that work?

Plain White Tees Member (127:19)

It was super cool.

Plain White Tees Member (127:21)

We. Me and. Me and Tom went and showed up. He has a crazy, crazy house.

Plain White Tees Member (127:27)

His band, by the way, also unbelievable.

Plain White Tees Member (127:30)

Best musicians I've ever been. Been in the same room with.

Adam Carolla (127:32)

Hey, come on now.

Plain White Tees Member (127:33)

I stand by my statement.

Adam Carolla (127:35)

Yeah. So they all get together and they jam on some songs of, like, hall notes and stuff like that. And then they get together and jam on your stuff. Right?

Plain White Tees Member (127:44)

Yeah, that was the cool thing. Jamming our songs with, you know, him.

Plain White Tees Member (127:48)

And then we did it. We did a Joe Jackson cover.

Plain White Tees Member (127:50)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (127:51)

Is she really going out with him?

Podcast Narrator (127:52)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (127:53)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (127:53)

The best thing is having. I didn't see it, Daryl hall do

Bald Brian (127:56)

his, like, holism, like, vocals over your stuff.

Adam Carolla (128:01)

Yeah. It's a really neat show. And then everyone gathers in the kitchen and they take out for some, like, Arabian food or something.

Plain White Tees Member (128:09)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (128:10)

I don't know if it was couscous or something, but something exotic. And it just seems like the kind of thing. It's like one. It's like one of those shows where you're supposed to be jealous of the show. Like you go, fuck, I wish I was there. Look at all that food. Look at those cool guys. Look at everyone jamming. And so then everyone just sort of convenes into this huge kitchen, and then they just eat and good conversation and all that.

Plain White Tees Member (128:30)

Get drunk, you know?

Adam Carolla (128:31)

Yeah, that's what it looked like. Yeah. Enjoy your Mangria.

Allison Rosen (128:34)

By the way, let's say you're going live from Darrell's house. Do you feel like couscous is the right kind of food to be eating on camera?

Adam Carolla (128:42)

It was exotic.

Allison Rosen (128:42)

It's easier than spaghetti.

Adam Carolla (128:43)

I don't remember what it was, but it was not taco night over Darrell's house. It was not Spaghettios. Like, it was kind of cool and exotic, right?

Plain White Tees Member (128:51)

Yeah, it was definitely couscous. Definitely Mediterranean.

Adam Carolla (128:54)

I don't know.

Plain White Tees Member (128:55)

Taboola or whatever that's called. I don't know.

Allison Rosen (128:58)

See, I would just feel like it's gonna end up on my shirt or there's gonna be something green in my teeth and I'm gonna be talking.

Adam Carolla (129:02)

That's rock and roll, baby.

Plain White Tees Member (129:04)

I was even more embarrassed because I showed up with a mustache, which, you know, I usually have a beard going, but for some reason, for a couple months, I had just a mustache, and I.

Plain White Tees Member (129:15)

So he was John Oates.

Plain White Tees Member (129:16)

I was John Oates. I felt really weird about that.

Adam Carolla (129:19)

So the band is from where got put together when and all that good stuff.

Plain White Tees Member (129:25)

The band is from Chicago. Me and Dave, actually. The guy who I think he might be in the bathroom wants to get some angry. I think me and him went to high school together. We started the band our senior year with some other buddies, and once we started touring, the other guys just kind of bailed on us, and we got Tim, Mike, and demar in the band.

Adam Carolla (129:45)

The thing about bailing on the band, it's. It's a pretty calculated risk, but it's a good risk because there's a good chance it's kind of, you know, it's like bailing on your kid. It's a pretty good chance he'll just be a junkie, but he may end up in the NBA, and then it comes back to fucking bite you in the ass. You know what I'm saying?

Plain White Tees Member (130:05)

You know what's funny is that the song hey There, Delilah, which was our big hit, that was written and demoed before the guys bailed.

Adam Carolla (130:14)

So they got that far along with it. Yeah. I was talking to someone about an ex girlfriend of mine the other day, and they said, well, I guess she missed out because she was with you sort of right before the Kroc days. And I said, no, she was around into the Kroc days. Like, I got a year or so into Kroc and And I was getting on to. I think I was on Loveline for a month and a half, and she bailed. And I thought, that's not a great calculated move. I mean, I know I'm no catch, but what I'm saying is it turns

Allison Rosen (130:47)

out she just really didn't like you.

Adam Carolla (130:48)

Yeah.

Plain White Tees Member (130:49)

Unbelievable.

Adam Carolla (130:50)

Stuck around during the $285 a week teaching boxing, swinging a hammer life, living in shitty apartments, driving a pickup truck life. And now you don't want some free shit. You don't want to go to weenie roast.

Allison Rosen (131:03)

So her loss.

Adam Carolla (131:03)

Her loss. So be it. So those guys. So Delilah became a massive hit. Literally, how long after they bailed?

Plain White Tees Member (131:12)

Actually, it was like a good four years or so.

Adam Carolla (131:15)

Oh, really?

Bald Brian (131:16)

They would have had to hang in there.

Plain White Tees Member (131:17)

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Adam Carolla (131:19)

So it was written and demoed and all that, but it just.

Plain White Tees Member (131:22)

Yeah, it was written in like, what, 2002. 2003. And then it became a hit in 2007. So, yeah, it was like four years later.

Adam Carolla (131:29)

What took so long?

Plain White Tees Member (131:30)

Well, we were on an indie label, so we recorded it for an indie record, put it out, toured our asses off, living in a van for a couple years, built up a following, did a video for the song. The song won an MTV U award, which is like the college mtv. And then we got signed to a major label because we sold like 70,000 albums on an indie and.

Adam Carolla (131:50)

Right.

Plain White Tees Member (131:50)

And then the. The major label put out a different song called Hate, which was a big hit for us on alternative radio. And then they stripped Delilah on the album and then put that out as a second single and blew up.

Adam Carolla (132:03)

Did you redo it? Not at all.

Plain White Tees Member (132:04)

Nope.

Adam Carolla (132:05)

Same version? Yeah, sometimes now with money, a good studio, and other accoutrements, you'll come back and have another shot at it. But it was good enough how it was.

Plain White Tees Member (132:15)

I mean, it was react. You know, it was. We went overseas and toured with some bands. We'd never been over there before. We never had an album out over there. This was before Delilah was a single or anything. And we'd play that song every night, and everyone in the room would sing along.

Adam Carolla (132:30)

Yeah.

Plain White Tees Member (132:30)

Through the Internet, people just. The song just kind of grew on its own.

Adam Carolla (132:33)

There's something ultra cool about people singing along in not their native tongue. Your English words, like, you go to Germany and they don't speak English, but they know the words to that song and they're singing along. I don't know why there's something. It's like there's a greater commitment to it because it's not their language, definitely. And it always sounds tonally a little bit lower or different somehow. I don't know why they sound like soccer stadium guys or something. I don't know. But that must have been really cool.

Plain White Tees Member (133:07)

It was really cool.

Adam Carolla (133:08)

Now, would you get that in Asia? Did you go to Japan and get that?

Plain White Tees Member (133:12)

Yes, we did Japan and yeah, same thing. We had this song actually, it's funny, called the Hate, which was the first single. And there's a part where I stopped the chorus. The first chorus. And it's like, hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really don't like you. And I always let the crowd sing that really don't like you. So we're in other countries and I'm not thinking that they don't speak English.

Adam Carolla (133:33)

Sure.

Plain White Tees Member (133:33)

And so I do the stop and I let them sing. Yeah, that's Riri don't ride. And we all kind of like came back in of laughing to ourselves that it was so funny. But they did it, you know, I

Adam Carolla (133:46)

wish I could do that with comedy where I go, I am so pissed at my mom right now. And I just hold the mic out,

Plain White Tees Member (133:52)

let them whatever, just go.

Adam Carolla (133:55)

Go any direction you want. Do that thing. And then I'll do that move where I'll put my hand up to my ear. I can't hear you.

Plain White Tees Singer (134:01)

Can't hear you.

Adam Carolla (134:02)

The Hulk Hogan move now. Yeah, do the Hulkster move.

Bald Brian (134:05)

Turn your shirt off.

Adam Carolla (134:06)

I'm going to split the theater up into two halves. You guys do the sad. Just the moms punchline. This side. Here we go. Eventually, I'm doing nothing but just pointing.

Allison Rosen (134:16)

You're just conducting.

Plain White Tees Member (134:17)

That would be a good experiment to try, actually.

Adam Carolla (134:19)

Yeah.

Plain White Tees Member (134:20)

Who knows?

Adam Carolla (134:20)

You know, it's. I'm always envious of bands because I just talked to my guy and he said, well, what are you doing? We're doing stand up Saturday in Merced, you know, garden spot of California. And I said, said, merced. Never played there before. Good. I can do whatever jokes I want. And then he goes, no, it's right next to Fresno. And we just played Fresno and everyone from Fresno is going to go over there. So we need to do a new show. So I go out, I got to cook up 90 minutes. And if it's the same 90 minutes the Fresnoians saw last time, they're going to be pissed. If you guys don't do Delilah, they're going to be pissed. Much better business that you're in than my business.

Plain White Tees Member (135:03)

Yeah, if we play a new song, then they get pissed.

Adam Carolla (135:06)

Yeah. So It's a weird thing.

Plain White Tees Member (135:08)

I heard the complete opposite.

Adam Carolla (135:09)

Right. How do you. How do you break it in? Yeah, well, certainly don't do the thing that everyone does, which is here's a new one from the album that's not been released yet that just immediately sends people to the beer line. Right.

Plain White Tees Member (135:22)

Golf clap.

Adam Carolla (135:23)

Don't do that. Just go, here's a super old one that you are too high to remember. And then start in. There you go. All right. Should we do a little news and plain white tees? Hang out, Crack wise with us and have fun?

Plain White Tees Member (135:38)

Sweet.

Adam Carolla (135:39)

I need a refill. Let's get some more Mangria going. Read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. And when it's time to wrap it

Plain White Tees Singer (135:50)

up, she'll sign it off.

Adam Carolla (135:52)

I would say. There you go. I. I would suggest the brose. You go 50. 50, 50, 50. With the red and the white. Yeah, yeah. Gary Brosay. Okay. Sorry, weren't we doing the news?

Allison Rosen (136:12)

Did you ever see the TV movie I know my first name is Stephen

Adam Carolla (136:17)

Brosay, About Stephen Stainer?

Allison Rosen (136:21)

Was. Did you see it? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. About Stephen. Steven Stainer who was kidnapped at a young age and then got returned to his family. That took place in Merced.

Adam Carolla (136:30)

Oh, really? I watched all the TV made for TV movies that involved, like, bulldozers, being possessed by the devil. And dogs. Devil dog, Hound from hell.

Allison Rosen (136:43)

Right.

Adam Carolla (136:43)

And then there was those amazing Dobermans. There was lots of great TV movies from the 70s that I watched.

Allison Rosen (136:49)

This is a little bit later when it was kidnapping and pedophilia. So there was. I know my first name is Stephen. There was. Do you know the muffin Man, Stephen Dorff?

Adam Carolla (136:56)

In both of them, did they have the ball roll out in the street in slow motion when it turned black and white? That means gets abducted.

Allison Rosen (137:04)

No, no, because it wasn't news. Yeah, it was.

Adam Carolla (137:06)

Whenever I see my kid playing with a ball, I slap it out of his hands. Fucking nuts. You want to get abducted, dad, we're inside the house. Put the fucking ball down. Pick up that plunger. You never see a plunger just going back after someone gets abducted. Yeah.

Allison Rosen (137:21)

Do kids even play with balls in the street anymore? No, but with balls or in the

Plain White Tees Member (137:25)

street, in Catholic areas where there's a lot of priests, they play with the balls in the street, I think.

Adam Carolla (137:33)

Too soon.

Plain White Tees Member (137:33)

Too soon.

Allison Rosen (137:37)

So the mother of the Boston Marathon bombers has been all over the news.

Adam Carolla (137:42)

Yes.

Allison Rosen (137:43)

She is incredulous that her kids could have done this. She also doesn't believe. She's not sure whether this marathon bombing and the disaster is real. She thinks the blood might be paint.

Adam Carolla (137:55)

She sounds like a delight. I heard her on the radio.

Allison Rosen (137:59)

Yeah. So we have a little clip of her.

Adam Carolla (138:02)

What happened is a terrible thing, but

Allison Rosen (138:04)

I know that my kids have nothing

Commercial Voice (138:07)

to do with this.

Allison Rosen (138:08)

I know it.

Adam Carolla (138:09)

I am mother.

Allison Rosen (138:11)

I have.

Adam Carolla (138:13)

I know my kids. I know my kids.

Commercial Voice (138:17)

Really, my kids would never get involved

Adam Carolla (138:19)

into anything like that.

Allison Rosen (138:21)

She's also very upset that Tamerlan, her, you know, the older son was killed because she feels like, why did they have to kill him? I don't know. Where do you stand on this?

Adam Carolla (138:32)

I mean, it's refreshing. I wish my mom would do this because there's no way she'd stick up for me this way. But I mean, look, everyone's fucking nuts, right? Just sort of degrees now. Super batshit crazy religious zealot versus just a little bit off. That seems to be the yardstick we're measuring. All moms by. Your kids decided to take a backpack, put it in a crock pot or crock pot in a backpack and put it in a bunch of ball bearings in it and then place it next to a kid and kill a bunch of people. Who, by the way, you're gonna blow up a marathon. You blow me up. Mile one. I don't want to fucking go through a whole thing of hitting that runner's block and cramping up shin splints, chip myself, chapped nipples, lactating, and then I blow up. No, no. I want a cold one at that point. Put beer in that crock pot. You want to blow me up? You blow me up on the way to the gym, not on the way back. That's my. That's a number one.

Allison Rosen (139:30)

That's what a hero would have been like.

Bald Brian (139:32)

Why did she say it's a terrible thing that happened if she thinks it's a fake?

Allison Rosen (139:37)

Well, she's not sure that it's fake. She's saying that she wants to get to the bottom of it. She's saying that she thinks the word she used was show, like it might be a show. There's this video that keeps. This is what she said. There's this video that keeps getting passed around where it suggests that it was a show, the whole thing is a show, and that's what she wants to know. But then she does say that, you know, she thinks it's a terrible thing and she does feel bad for the victim.

Adam Carolla (140:01)

Alright, listen. The whole thing is once your kid does something sick and bizarre. Feel free to abandon your kid and just go, you know, he's dead to me. I mean, for Christ's sake, there's people who disown their kids over being gay like that. I mean, I would bet you she would probably die. I'll bet you if you were like, hey, one of them just came home and said, hey, gave up boxing. I started sucking cock. I went to meet my new friend Randy. She'd be like, you're not my son anymore, but you blow up a few blue eyed devils, no problemo. What the fuck?

Allison Rosen (140:37)

I guess if you love your kids, I could imagine that it would be very hard. I'm not defending her, but I'm just saying I could imagine a scenario where you would really want to believe that something. It just wouldn't add up.

Adam Carolla (140:52)

Here's how that conversation would go for me. My kid planted a bomb. Which one, the boy or the girl?

Allison Rosen (140:59)

The boy.

Adam Carolla (141:00)

Oh, no. He would never, ever, ever do that.

Allison Rosen (141:04)

But we know he did.

Adam Carolla (141:06)

Never.

Allison Rosen (141:06)

He admitted it.

Adam Carolla (141:07)

Ever. The girl. You may want to look into her. Sonny would never. I tell you. What kind of backpack was it? Was it My Little Pony?

Allison Rosen (141:21)

It was yellow.

Adam Carolla (141:22)

She does have. Well, it's a banana colored. Yeah. Anyway.

Allison Rosen (141:26)

Banana, yellow.

Adam Carolla (141:28)

Focus on her. Take my word for it. Don't tell the missus we had this conversation.

Bald Brian (141:35)

It's cool.

Adam Carolla (141:35)

Yeah, that's how the conversation would go.

Allison Rosen (141:37)

Here's something I'm wondering. They keep reporting. What? Jhar or Jakkar. There's so many different pronunciations of his name.

Adam Carolla (141:47)

Who knew?

Allison Rosen (141:48)

It's like that. They keep reporting what he said about, you know, their plan was to go to Times Square next, et cetera. But how did, like how are they testing the veracity of what he's saying? Are they just believing him?

Adam Carolla (142:02)

I don't.

Allison Rosen (142:03)

I want to trust that they know what they're doing.

Adam Carolla (142:05)

But I was told today that he'd had. That the one kid, the one who's alive, had no gun inside that boat.

Allison Rosen (142:12)

That's what has come out today, that he didn't have a gun.

Adam Carolla (142:15)

So first it was. He was firing at Boston's finest. And then a hail of gunshots were returned at him and his catamaran. Now then, it was a self inflicted gunshot wound. Although that's a pretty tall order when you don't have a gun with you. So then it turns out one of the cop bullets must have got it raised.

Allison Rosen (142:35)

Him, I guess.

Adam Carolla (142:36)

What's with all the fucked up reporting? We can't figure out whether they had a gun in the boat or not.

Plain White Tees Member (142:39)

So you believe the mud.

Adam Carolla (142:41)

I'm with the mom. I'm with the mom and the uncle on this one. And then it's everything. Everything's so convoluted and so fucked up these days. And like I said, the stories, I don't know. So no gun, but 100 and something bullets shot in them. All right, Anyway,

Allison Rosen (143:03)

Justin Bieber back in the news, but it feels like he never left a stun gun and marijuana was found on his tour bus in Stockholm.

Plain White Tees Member (143:10)

Nice.

Adam Carolla (143:12)

Well, the stun gun, by the way, when you buy a tour bus, it comes with marijuana. That's a law. I'm not making that up. Hand of God. It's part of the coach builder's contract, they say. Is this carrying either a rock and roll band or professional basketball team or football team? And then they put weed in the bus. That's how it comes.

Allison Rosen (143:35)

Is it true? It's actually an add on to get it removed.

Adam Carolla (143:40)

Yeah.

Allison Rosen (143:40)

Pay extra to not have it put on.

Adam Carolla (143:42)

I had a BMW that had to custom order because I didn't want a moonroof in it. Hand of God, this. You have to custom order your. Your coach if you don't want a bale of weed in it. And the stun gun seems. Seems about right. I mean, if you're Biebs, right?

Allison Rosen (143:57)

Sure.

Bald Brian (143:58)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (143:59)

Here's everyone on a tour bus smokes weed. What do you have on a tour bus? You have groupies, right? You guys know, right? Mangria. You have musicians, weed. Musicians, weed. I mean, groupies weed. Then you have security weed. Then you have flunkies from high school weed. And then roadies weed. And that's it. The only guys.

Plain White Tees Member (144:28)

And the driver.

Adam Carolla (144:28)

The driver, weed, right?

Plain White Tees Member (144:30)

Lots and lots of weed.

Adam Carolla (144:32)

Everyone's smoking weed on a tour bus. That's. That's why they're there. That's why they're not flying.

Allison Rosen (144:38)

Right?

Adam Carolla (144:39)

They want to get high if they didn't want to get high, you know, like, I don't know, LL Cool J, he's probably clean, right?

Allison Rosen (144:46)

Sure. I feel like we have to ask David Wilde.

Adam Carolla (144:48)

All right, but pick a guy. Kirk Cameron.

Plain White Tees Member (144:51)

John Tesh.

Adam Carolla (144:52)

John Tesh. When Tesh goes out on the road, when Tesh hits the road with that ban, he flies ahead. He don't need the weed mobile. You see what I'm saying? Weed is for the dudes who want to do. I mean, the bus is for the dudes who want to get high and want to do drugs. That's the whole deal. Here's the news Story. We pulled over a rock and roll tour bus and found nothing but Zima.

Bald Brian (145:17)

Sounds like your dream, Tom.

Plain White Tees Member (145:19)

Yeah, I'm into that.

Adam Carolla (145:20)

Yeah, that's the story. We all right.

Allison Rosen (145:23)

Would you be able to sleep on a tour bus?

Adam Carolla (145:26)

I have.

Allison Rosen (145:27)

When did you tour?

Adam Carolla (145:29)

We got a. When we were doing the man show. We were going to Lake Havasu for like some spring break thing. And one of the most ill conceived bits that I ever came up with on the man show because the audience turned on us immediately. You can probably find the guys gone wild. I forgot who our audience was. And I thought we were gonna film. I thought it'd be really ironic and funny to film a dude's gone wild. And it's like nutsack shots, cock shots, full blown ass shots. Ladies, buckle up. Like it was like one of those things. But the audience was like booing the entire time. Just showing guys ball sacks, right? But we're going to have a suit to fuck around. And we taped the man show on like a Friday night. And I remember very well because it was. We mud wrestled with the juggies. I remember that clearly. Took a shower. I couldn't get the fucking mud out of my ears. And they were strangling me because one was like standing on my tie. It was a political debate that turned into mud mud wrestling competition. But we got on a rock and roll tour bus and we drove to Havasu so that we could film the next day. And all I remember is somebody, I won't say his name, but one of the guys got shit faced and kept yelling that we're going to Pahrump and we're going whoring. And he kept yelling, wheels up 4am and everyone was like, we're fucked up and we're going to bed. We're in like a motor lodge. He's like, into the bus, wheels up. I like when guys get drunk and I start saying the same thing. All right, going to Pahrump. We're going to get some whores. Wheels up, 4am now everyone on the bus and everyone just fucking sleeping and spread out. Everybody, wheels up, 4am as he never stops screaming that all right, we've got. By the way, we got this man show bit. I haven't seen it, I think since it came out, but this is audience started booming. Girls, you asked for it and you got it. The all new boys gone wild 2. This video is jam packed with explosive new footage of the hottest guys from across the nation. Ladies, these aren't paid actors. They're actual boys next door on spring Break uncensored and out of control. Order now and you'll receive the all new candid nut shots. Free men caught up guard and caught on tape. Fat men, young men, rich men, fat men, ladies. You'll think you died and went to scrotum heaven.

Judd Apatow (148:04)

You'd have to be nuts.

Adam Carolla (148:05)

Nuts to order this. That's boys gone wild 2 for 19.95. And if you order right now, Candid nutshots free.

Judd Apatow (148:12)

Order now and see what happens when boys go wild.

Adam Carolla (148:15)

Warning, this tape is not suitable for younger viewers. Adults only. Yeah, so my.

Plain White Tees Member (148:22)

My question is.

Adam Carolla (148:23)

Audience not delighted.

Plain White Tees Member (148:24)

Did you have the. The pixelated mosaic for the studio audience or were you showing bare nutsack? Because that would make me boo.

Adam Carolla (148:32)

I think we usually would show bear everything raw footage. Yeah, yeah.

Plain White Tees Member (148:37)

That might have been the problem because at home, I think it's pretty funny. But right if you're sitting in a live studio audience with your bros looking at nut sacks.

Adam Carolla (148:44)

Yeah, yeah.

Allison Rosen (148:45)

What's the fear? It'll turn you gay instantly, of course.

Adam Carolla (148:48)

Yeah, yeah.

Plain White Tees Member (148:48)

I saw. I saw a nut sack once, and I was gay for like 25 minutes.

Adam Carolla (148:53)

Yeah, yeah. Just. Just one nut. That's just one nut. Yeah, right.

Plain White Tees Member (148:56)

Imagine if you saw two nuts. I mean, two.

Allison Rosen (148:58)

Have to put them in your mouth.

Adam Carolla (148:59)

That's an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, you have to put them in the. It's unwritten. It's a code. It's a bro code. Yeah, I think we filmed that. I'm sure we filmed that in Havas. The guys at the end were Mancho riders, by the way. We just got them drunk. Don't take the pads down. Yeah. Slap the ass.

Allison Rosen (149:19)

See, my tour bus question is, because I have a feeling if I were ever trying to sleep, I would. Just. As I was dozing off, I'd shoot. Like, my eyes would shoot open and I would feel unsafe because I know that I don't even like riding in the back of a van because if I feel sleepy, I. All of a sudden, you put your

Adam Carolla (149:32)

feet toward the front so if you hit something, you don't break your neck, shatter your legs. Yeah, yeah.

Allison Rosen (149:38)

Well, that's comforting. But I still, I. Whenever I'm very far away from the driver and I'm in a giant vehicle, like, even I remember being on field trips as a little kid in a school bus or something and feeling like, oh, fuck. Like, do I. I don't know if I trust this driver.

Adam Carolla (149:51)

Well, don't you guys feel like you. Like, first you can't sleep, and then there's nowhere Else you can sleep because the diesel motor and the rocking and the side by side, the motion of that thing, I mean, doesn't it just knock you out at some point? 10 years.

Bald Brian (150:06)

I sleep amazing on a bus.

Allison Rosen (150:08)

Do you enjoy it?

Bald Brian (150:08)

Yeah.

Plain White Tees Member (150:09)

When I get home, I need noise like a fan or something to sleep. That good? Yeah.

Adam Carolla (150:14)

Right. There's something about a diesel engine, by the way, the way they idle that just. It's a little vibration, a little bit of sound and that's. That's all you need.

Plain White Tees Member (150:23)

Then again, there are those moments when you, you know, you get that one driver who.

Plain White Tees Member (150:28)

Oh yeah. They hit the rumble, hit the rumble

Adam Carolla (150:30)

strips and you're like, what the fuck, dude? What are you doing?

Plain White Tees Member (150:32)

Then you're up for like 20 minutes. Like, is he.

Plain White Tees Member (150:34)

Oh God, what's happening?

Plain White Tees Member (150:35)

Is he falling asleep? What's going on?

Adam Carolla (150:37)

Yeah. And they're all. They're all, I think people who drive for a living. There's something wrong with almost everyone involving that involved transportation on the ground. Parking lot guys are scary. Fucking scary. Guys on the planet in then all the guys who drive the town cars. Yes. You get there, it's good. I thank you. Those guys are fucking insane. The guys drive buses. The long haul truckers are fucking nuts. Their wives are nier than they are. The sort of team is always insane.

Allison Rosen (151:06)

Shuttle or tram?

Adam Carolla (151:08)

Yes. Everything's a fucking mess. What's up?

Allison Rosen (151:11)

What is that?

Bald Brian (151:12)

We had a friends band lose their brakes on their tour bus going down the Rockies.

Adam Carolla (151:18)

That would have been.

Bald Brian (151:18)

That would have been comforting for you with the bus driver crying the entire on his way down.

Allison Rosen (151:24)

Did anyone get hurt?

Plain White Tees Member (151:25)

This is it.

Bald Brian (151:26)

No.

Adam Carolla (151:27)

Wow.

Bald Brian (151:27)

He basically told everyone on the bus, you know, call your loved ones, we're probably all gonna die.

Judd Apatow (151:33)

What?

Bald Brian (151:33)

And they were debating. Some of the guys on the bus were debating jumping out the door while

Adam Carolla (151:37)

it was moving, like bombing down the mountain. Wow.

Bald Brian (151:40)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (151:40)

Who is this?

Bald Brian (151:41)

Don't rock kills kid.

Allison Rosen (151:42)

Really?

Adam Carolla (151:43)

They hit a lot of those places will have like they. That sand trap, runoff, whatever that I always secretly want to use just because it's there. Like, fuck, I paid for that. That's taxpayer money there. All right.

Bald Brian (151:55)

My uncle was a trucker. He told me about those once. Like, he educated me on those. It costs money to get your truck out of there or your vehicle.

Adam Carolla (152:00)

Oh, really?

Podcast Narrator (152:01)

Yeah.

Bald Brian (152:01)

They charge you because your brakes fail. If you're a truck driver or a big rig driver, whatever. You need remedied by law to check your brakes every hundred miles or something. So if you're in there, gotta Pay to get it out.

Plain White Tees Member (152:12)

You basically sink into like a shallow gravel or aggregate, you know?

Adam Carolla (152:16)

Yeah.

Plain White Tees Member (152:16)

And you're stuck. All the.

Adam Carolla (152:18)

All the. Not all the, but a lot of the race car. Race tracks I race on have that off to the side and it just fucks your car up. But you stop almost immediately. Like nothing stops you faster than sand, but nothing ruins your engine. All right, one more story.

Allison Rosen (152:33)

Speaking of music, LA's Gibson Amphitheater is closing in September, which some people may know better as Universal Amphitheater. Yeah, I had never went there when it was called Gibson, but I did go to a lot of shows at Universal Amphitheater. It's the theater that is behind or this at Universal Studios. It's shutting down. The lease is ending in September. The venue will close its doors to make way for Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

Adam Carolla (153:01)

Oh, man. Hear it. It seemed like only yesterday my buddy Ray was trying to hop the fence when it was an open amphitheater and go see a Joe Jackson concert. Speaking of Joe. And this is Back off the Look Sharp and I'm the man albums, which are great goddamn albums. And got security guy got him in a chokehold. They wrestled out in the Ivy like it was. It was awesome. KROQ would always do their acoustic Christmases there. Lots of good memories.

Bald Brian (153:31)

You guys ever played there?

Adam Carolla (153:32)

Yeah, we did a Kraut.

Plain White Tees Member (153:32)

We did one of those.

Adam Carolla (153:35)

Yeah. Always funny about those concerts is they're on a time schedule. And if they go 10 minutes, they go 10 seconds past midnight or 11pm or whenever the close off time is. Then it's like crazy union, you know, $10,000aminute. So when plain white tees are going up there and Jane's Addiction is playing next and they give you guys 25 minutes, they'll start turning that stage. If you want to just go on and do a superset or drum solo, that's fine. But they'll just start turning the stage on you because they're like, fuck it. Because if the first. There's 11 bands. If the first band decides to just do the extended dance version of the hit and runs about 7, 8 minutes long. By the time they get to that last band, they'll be an hour and 45 minutes past golden time and they'll get completely fucked. So they just literally just start turning on. I saw the Fugees get turned on. They were a half hour late for like a 32 minute set. They got out there and did a little like strum and they just started turning.

Allison Rosen (154:42)

Literally turned on them. They turned on the crowd.

Adam Carolla (154:44)

They got halfway into one song and they went, well, fuck it, it's time to turn the stage. And they turned.

Allison Rosen (154:50)

I kind of love that.

Plain White Tees Member (154:52)

And then Lauryn Hill quit music after that, right?

Adam Carolla (154:54)

Yeah, that's what got her to quit. She said, fuck this it. Yeah, that I saw again. I saw. One of my favorite things was the guy from Third Eye Blind attacked the guy. Well, not Stephen. Another guy in the band attacked one of the. Well, he got. He broke a bottle over the Green Day bassist, bass player. Whoa. It was awesome. I was fucking drunk and high and watching the whole thing. I was just standing next to that big turning stage, and it was this crazy move where everyone. Because you guys know, you play your set, maybe you're 11 bands and you're band number four. So you do your set, and then when you're done, you get really drunk and high, but you don't go home. You just get drunk and high and you hang out, and then you go up on stage and watch the other bands and do that shit. Well, this guy ran out behind the bass player from Green Day, or Green Day, I'm saying it like my dad would say. And he started hugging him like he was a fan who jumped up on stage and big Samoan bouncer security for Green Day pulled him off and threw him down to the ground. And the bass player from Green Day turned around, and he. And I expected him to turn around and go, like, oh, it's you from Third Eye Blind and tell Chemo Big Cavs to get off this dude. And he said. He just looked at him. He looked down, he looked at his bouncer guy, and then he started kicking the guy.

Allison Rosen (156:27)

Wait, he said, the bass player?

Bald Brian (156:29)

Yeah, the guy from Green Day. Green Day from Third Eye Blind.

Adam Carolla (156:35)

Third Eye Blind? Yeah. So the guy from Green Day starts kicking the dude from Third Eye Blind. And I was like, wow, he's really not in on this joke at all, is he? That's hard. You know, that's punk right there. So the dude from Third Eye Blind, it was probably fucked up anyway, just went around, walked down the ramp, walked down by where the Put all the trailers where everyone was there, and just got a bob. And he just waited. And I was walking off the stage when Green Day was walking off the stage and the bass player was just walking back to Green Day's trailer, and he popped out the big bottle, like a big wine bottle, booze bottle, and just busted it right up. No, I would have cried if it was full. And then I would have been angry at the guy who busted the bottle over his head, you know, instead.

Allison Rosen (157:24)

So wasteful.

Adam Carolla (157:25)

Yeah. Busted it right over his fucking forehead. Wow. It just big time stitches the whole whole nine yards.

Allison Rosen (157:31)

Then what happened then? They must hate each other to this day.

Adam Carolla (157:35)

They took the guy, the guy went off the emergency room. Wow, that's rock and roll. Yeah. You gotta find the story. I don't know. I don't know. Whatever became of that. That was the weenie roast probably, you know, circa 2001 or something like that.

Bald Brian (157:54)

The third eye blind was playing. It was probably a shortish with window of when it could have been.

Adam Carolla (157:59)

It's a decent point. Yeah.

Bald Brian (158:01)

It wasn't 2007.

Adam Carolla (158:02)

Also speaking of sad third eye blind stories, 1998. I'll find his stories. Steven Jenkins pulled me aside once after he did Loveline. We went out, had a beer or something and he said, I'm really bummed out. And I said, what's up? And he goes, eh, girlfriend caught me fucking around with another chick when we were like out on vacation or on tour or something like that. And she dumped me. And I was kind of into her. And I'm like, you're Stephen Jenkins. You're good looking, you're tall, you know, you're in a band. Let's go find another chick. You don't need. You need that old, you know. Find yourself another blonde floozy. It was Charlize Theron. Jesus. But here's what I love about dude dudes. The great thing about dudes is you can be with a 19 year old Charlize Theron and still go, I'd like a little side pussy, little pussy to go like, nothing wrong with your pussy. Something on the side. I'm a fucking rock and rock and roll.

Plain White Tees Member (159:02)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (159:02)

Stick a little doggy bag of pussy side pussy.

Allison Rosen (159:05)

Sounds like if you're looking at someone's crotch. Yeah. From a really weird angle. I don't know where you'd have to be to see it.

Adam Carolla (159:12)

Yeah, real close. Find that. See if you can find that. Find all that. That story for us. Can you find.

Plain White Tees Member (159:20)

We don't know that story. I've never heard of it.

Adam Carolla (159:21)

It's pretty good. And like I said, I was pretty drunk and high.

Allison Rosen (159:25)

It was the weenie roast. I think I might have actually been there.

Plain White Tees Member (159:27)

Hallucination or something.

Adam Carolla (159:28)

Yeah, we'll find it. Could have been. We'll find the story. Meanwhile. Dawson. Focus, baby. Legal Zoom. Yeah, we put Legal Zoom to the test. How? Dawson? Set himself up an LLC with them. How'd that go, Dawson? That's right. In fact, I got the package in the Today Dos Angeles LLC is an official company which will be billing you shortly for this hour. No seriously, I did the math and 30 days ago I signed up for legal zoom 44,000 minutes ago I signed up for my LLC for Legal Zoom. I spent 30 of those 44,000 minutes worrying about how to form my LLC. It's perfect. It's awesome. Went to legalzoom.com My work was done so quickly. Save time, save money and it was done right the first time. So go to legalzoom.com and do it yourself. Or maybe you want to do an S corp non profit. LegalZoom takes care of you. Start to finish. Soup to nuts Dawson LegalZoom is not a law firm, but they can connect you to an attorney and provide self help services in your specific direction. For even more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Start your business, protect your family and safeguard your assets@legalzoom.com yeah, Ariane Salazar was the name of the bass player from Third Eye Blind who got into the bottle shenanigans. Mike Dirt was the guy from they just called Mike. I thought they just call him. It was just called Mike all the time, but that was a Green Day guy. But yeah, if you can find now is there anything about that story? Is it out there? I've got the whole story right here. It's really. What. But did he have to go to the hospital and get stitches and did he wait behind and bust a bottle over his head? And did it say anything about me being super high and freaking out? It doesn't say anything about you. The bottle is here, although it's vague

Bald Brian (161:13)

and it says that certain bands are

Adam Carolla (161:14)

attributing to a fan and that certain well, this is a Rolling Stone article that's trying not to get sued, but

Bald Brian (161:20)

they do say he was rushed to Irvine Medical center, which is a nearby hospital.

Adam Carolla (161:24)

And they mentioned that that he kicked

Bald Brian (161:26)

him in the ribs when he was

Adam Carolla (161:27)

down and when he was on stage. Right, right. Wow. No, that's. I was standing just. I wasn't even backstage. I was a side stage watching. He came from the side I was on. I was standing next to him when he decided to do the oh, I'm a Craze fan. And then next thing you know he's getting kicked in the ribs. But the next thing you know he's he's laying in wait with a Jack Daniels bottle. I guess he showed him rock and roll. Not what you'd expect out of Third Eye blind. All right.

Allison Rosen (161:55)

Salazar had a statement. I am sorry that my attempt at doing something I thought would be funny escalated into Mike getting hurt. That was never my intention. I simply had too much to drink and made sounds like it was his intention, though.

Adam Carolla (162:07)

I'm sorry that it escalated and someone can hear escalating, meaning you jumping out from a shrub and busting a bottle over their head.

Allison Rosen (162:14)

I simply had too much to drink and made a very bad decision. If I had been in Mike's place, I'm sure I would have acted similarly. My heart goes out to him, and I hope he recovers quickly. We have many friends in common, and I just hope that he can accept my sincerest apology. I am sorry, Mike.

Adam Carolla (162:28)

I wonder, by the way, money from Mike Dirt. I don't. I don't know. Well, definitely there should.

Bald Brian (162:38)

Here.

Adam Carolla (162:39)

There should be some money. Yeah, I was gonna say there should be some money that changed hands there, because this is a guy in a successful band laying in wait and busting a bottle over your forehead thinking to be funny.

Allison Rosen (162:51)

Right?

Plain White Tees Member (162:52)

No, he's probably pissed off.

Adam Carolla (162:53)

No, he got kicked in the ribs. He thought the running on stage like he was a girl was the funny part.

Plain White Tees Member (163:00)

I was gonna say, like, is. Is his middle name Oldhofer?

Adam Carolla (163:03)

Oh, boy. You know Ray, don't you? Yeah, I'm a fan. Thank you. That part is not funny.

Allison Rosen (163:09)

Yeah, well, it says here this was. But this was. While it was all going on, there has been no legal action taken at this point. It's still under investigation. I don't know.

Adam Carolla (163:18)

That was a while ago. Yeah, 1998.

Plain White Tees Member (163:20)

Question is, this Third Eye Blind had a hit since then? Maybe that was, like, the move.

Adam Carolla (163:26)

I'm gonna go with no on that,

Plain White Tees Member (163:29)

but I'm saying maybe that was the move. Like, you know, Green Day was like, yo, I'm not gonna press charges, but. But fuck this guy don't play their songs and radio. Listen.

Adam Carolla (163:38)

Interesting. Blacklisted.

Allison Rosen (163:40)

Wait, here's a statement from. Darn. Some fucker hit me with a bottle.

Adam Carolla (163:44)

There you go. Yes, we'll do the fucker math on the bottle attack part, by the way.

Allison Rosen (163:50)

That's. Yes, sir, that's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

Plain White Tees Member (163:54)

I saw a nutsack once and I was gay for, like, 25 minutes.

Adam Carolla (163:58)

That was the news with Alice Rosen. But to be fair to them, whatever happened to that Charlize Theron, huh? Yeah, she doing Movies of the Week for Hallmark Channel.

Bald Brian (164:07)

By now, we should all be hanging around their Eye Blind more. Everyone around them rockets to Success.

Adam Carolla (164:11)

Yeah, that's true. All right, why don't you guys go out and fetch your instruments and get yourself set up? I'm gonna talk my way through this one because I think we have one more song.

Plain White Tees Member (164:24)

Yeah, sweet.

Adam Carolla (164:25)

Yeah, we're gonna hear another song from Plain White Teas. The first one was so incredible. But now, after your eighth glass of Mangria, let's see how you get through it. Stamps.com. baby, you're a small business. You need experience. You need to save money. You don't want to go to the post office. You don't want to waste time. I got an idea for you. Stamps.com 24. 7. Access to all the services that the post office has right from your own desk. You can buy and print official US Postage right at your own computer. Comes right out of your printer. It's magic. It seems vaguely illegal to me. I really feel like the feds are going to get involved.

Bald Brian (165:09)

They are?

Adam Carolla (165:10)

Oh, yeah. All right. Spend your time growing your business instead of in line at the post office. And they have a special no risk offer. Zero in the risk department. It's a $110 bonus offer. It's a digital scale. It's 55 bucks free postage only if you enter Adam, you get the scale and you get 55 bucks. And you weigh out your parcels. Exactly such a deal. Go to stamps.com. now click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Adam. That's stamps.com promo code. Adam. All right, plain White teas. What do we got here?

Allison Rosen (165:44)

Here.

Plain White Tees Member (165:45)

Got another two. All right, Tim's going to sing this one.

Adam Carolla (165:49)

This one's called the Giving Tree.

Plain White Tees Singer (166:03)

All the leaves on the giving tree have fallen no shade to cry crawling underneath I've got scars from a pocket knife where you carved your heart into

Commercial Voice (166:25)

me

Plain White Tees Singer (166:28)

if all you wanted was love why would you use me up, cut me down Build a boat and sail away when all I wanted to be was your giving tree Settle down, build a home and make you happy

Adam Carolla (166:54)

Well,

Plain White Tees Singer (166:55)

I lie in the dead of night and I wonder who covers you're between and it's sad laying in his bed you feel hollow so you crawl home back to me if all you wanted was love why would you use me up, cut me me down Build a boat and sail away when all I wanted to be was your giving tree Settle down, build a home and make it happy Well, I see a trail that starts A line of broken hearts behind you that lead you back to

Adam Carolla (167:57)

me

Plain White Tees Singer (167:59)

the one sad and lonely fool with nothing Left but rules to show oh, oh if all you wanted was love why would you use me up, cut me down Build a boat and sail away when all I wanted to be was your giving tree Settle down, build a home and make you happy Settle down build a home and make you happy

Adam Carolla (168:45)

wow. Two for two. Plain white teas. Should have gone to bed. Well, I would recommend it highly, but I think if you heard the last two songs, it recommended itself highly.

Bald Brian (168:59)

Thanks.

Adam Carolla (168:59)

Thanks you guys.

Plain White Tees Member (169:00)

Your recommendation is better though.

Adam Carolla (169:01)

That sounded just unbelievable. And Mike, those harmonies, just unbelievable. It's weird. I could barely see your mouth moving. Maybe it's the mustache.

Plain White Tees Singer (169:11)

It's just.

Adam Carolla (169:12)

Just creeps in. But it's just. He's a golden God. Fucking beautiful. Yeah.

Bald Brian (169:17)

Plain white tees for people listening. He's a bigger guy, but he's got that great falsetto sort of harmony.

Adam Carolla (169:22)

Unbelievable sounding website, plainwhitetease.com and you can Twitter them lanewhitetease. Thank you guys so much. Come back anytime you like. Until next time, this is Adam. Oh, Merced Theater. That's right, this Saturday. All new material. Mostly new material. Fresno, Saturday, April. This Saturday, 9 o'. Clock. Come on out, say hi and I'll be fresh as a daisy because I'm driving in from la. So until next time, Adam Korolo for plain white tees. Allison Rosen and bald Brian saying mahalo. Hey, gave up boxing. I started sucking cock. I went to meet my new friend Randy.

Podcast Narrator (170:08)

All right, that's adam cooler show 1065 blade and yt is really awesome. All really cool dudes. I met him when I was out there for one of the trips. I think I was out for this very visit. They actually gave me tickets to go see them on the Tonight Show. This was after Conan had his run and Jay came back. I think it was the final run of Leno era Tonight Show. They sounded amazing in studio. Always the musical performances on the Corolla show, even back in the early days when there was not as professional of recording setups always sound incredible. Some really unique versions of these songs. That does it for days. Cool classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, mahalo and get it on.

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Plain White Tees Singer (172:05)

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Plain White Tees Singer (172:13)

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