Kelley James + David Wild (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Kelley James + David Wild (Carolla Classics)

Date: November 7, 2025
Podcast: Carolla Classics / Adam Carolla Show
Featuring: Adam Carolla, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, David Wild, Kelley James

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode features highlights from two classic Adam Carolla Show episodes recorded in 2014. The first segment features David Wild, Grammy producer and music journalist, joining Adam, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop for a candid and comical discussion on celebrity reputations, the Beatles, social media, and pop culture. The second segment brings in musician and freestyle virtuoso Kelley James for music, improv, and more freewheeling comedic banter with the hosts.

Throughout, Adam’s trademark humor and unfiltered opinions drive conversations ranging from celebrity “douchebaggery,” the psychology of kindness, awkward job interviews, pop music guilty pleasures, and the complexities of daily life. Live calls, musical moments, and rapid-fire news round out an energetic, relatable episode.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Is John Mayer a Douchebag or a Cool Guy?

[02:26–08:16]

• David Wild returns from the Grammys and shares his backstage conversation with John Mayer about his public image:
  • Wild relays Mayer’s response to Adam’s famous question: “Is John Mayer a douchebag or a good guy?” Mayer says he’s a good guy who took a long "incubation period" as a douchebag but has emerged on the other side.
  • David Wild [04:34]: “‘I think that the true answer is good guy, but with a long incubation period as a douchebag, an unusually long one...’”
  • Adam and the panel discuss how many younger celebrities (e.g., Justin Bieber, Jay Mohr) grow out of their asshole phases as they mature — and question why early success often brings out bad behavior.
• Allison Rosen expresses skepticism: “I’m sorry, I’m not getting a good vibe from his answer.” [05:15]

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2. Celebrity Kindness vs. Calculation

[23:42–28:49]

• David Wild tells a heartfelt story about Paul McCartney taking a personal interest in Wild’s children at the Grammys, describing McCartney’s warmth and humility.
  • David Wild [25:17]: “‘Paul grabs them...says, ‘I have to take a picture with you guys...I’m the past, you guys are the future.’”
• Adam riffs on why iconic celebrities should “overdo it in the nice department” since their only legacy left is memories others share of them.
  • Panel debates whether kindness is authentic or carefully managed for reputation.
  • Adam Carolla [26:33]: “Why not overdo it in the nice department just to have—this is all you have left now. All you have is this emotional bank account...”

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3. Beatles Tribute & Grammy Recollections

[21:04–29:43]

• Wild gives inside scoop on the CBS Grammy Beatles tribute, including performances by John Mayer (with Keith Urban), Eurythmics, Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys & John Legend, and a “supergroup” with Jeff Lynne, Joe Walsh, and Dave Grohl.
  • Adam bemoans underplayed Beatles songs (“Nowhere Man”) on radio:
    “I don’t know why they decided...‘People have heard of the Beatles, right?’” [13:05]
• The crew riffs on musical taste, nostalgia, and the politics of tribute shows.

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4. Social Media’s Toll on Celebrities

[08:09–10:28]

• Wild relays how a young star was in tears moments after a red carpet appearance due to harsh instant feedback on Twitter. The hosts discuss how social media’s real-time cruelty leads celebrities to become guarded or avoid interviews altogether.

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5. Life & Career Advice for Callers

[31:27–38:56]

• Adam lands on a universal truth: For jobs, persistence pays; for romance, take “no” for an answer.
  • Adam Carolla [34:41]: “If there’s a company you’d really like to work for...come back the next day and go, ‘How about I work for free?’...It’s the exact opposite of what they portray in movies. When it comes to the ladies, take no for an answer. And when it comes to the career, don’t take no for an answer.”
  • Allison regrets being “too cool” in job interviews and “too eager” in dating ([34:41–35:56]).

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6. The Little Annoyances of Modern Life

[39:04–44:48]

• Adam’s rant about being served flavored iced tea ("potpourri in a sock and boiled in piss") instead of “regular” iced tea at the Skirball Cultural Center leads to a broader meditation on changing norms and lost battles in American culture.

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7. OCD, Religion & Self-Help

[47:45–52:33]

• A young caller opens up about living with OCD and depression. Adam frames OCD as both a quest for control and a form of narcissism, and humorously explores links with religious compulsions.
  • Adam prescribes exercise, self-acceptance, and sometimes medication:
    “At least you get some nice pecs. OCD with delts and pecs…” [51:08]

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8. News & Social Commentary with Allison Rosen

[61:24–110:00+]

• Allison presents selected news items, including:
  • Healthcare Costs & Obesity/Smoking:
    • Study finds “thin and healthy” people cost more, in the long run, than those who die younger from unhealthy habits.
    • Adam waxes on politicians and scientists lying with statistics to advance agendas.
      • Adam Carolla [64:09]: “People…will tell you lies to get you to either do it or not do it. They will lie.”
  • Tarantino vs. Gawker:
    • Quentin Tarantino’s lawsuit against Gawker for leaking his film script.
    • Adam speculates on which celebrities will make the best “crazy old coot” one day.
  • Pete Seeger’s Passing & Puff the Magic Dragon:
    • Brief musical detour about folk music’s poetic simplicity.“It’s the musical equivalent to the bumper sticker that says ‘end war.’”
  • Opera Singer Lawsuit (Flatulence):
    • An opera singer sues after surgery left her with uncontrollable flatulence, ruining her career. Adam jokes about her potential as a novelty act.

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9. Kelley James: Musical Freestyle & Banter

[132:00+]

• Kelley James performs an original song, “Secret Lover,” then improvises a freestyle number based on Jimmy Kimmel’s creative way of announcing his wife’s pregnancy.
  • Full of sharp rhymes and good humor, James playfully ribs Adam and the regular birth-naming traditions of the Kimmel and Hoffer families.
• Adam and the gang riff on the challenges of growing up with a gender-ambiguous name (“Kelly”), TV nostalgia, and '90s sitcom aesthetics.

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10. “Tool Tunes” & Guilty Musical Pleasures

[93:54–110:00+]

• The team confesses to enjoying cheesy, embarrassing songs when alone—“Sister Christian,” “Rhythm of the Night,” “Rome” by B52s.
  • Adam defends the much-maligned “MacArthur Park” as an epic masterpiece, despite its reputation for cheesiness.

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [26:33]:
  “All you have is this emotional bank account...why not overdo it in the nice department just to have everyone go back and tell a great story about what a sweet gentleman you are?”

• David Wild [25:17]:
  “Paul grabs them...says, ‘I’m the past, you guys are the future.’”

• Adam Carolla [34:41]:
  “For romance, take no for an answer. For jobs, don’t take no for an answer.”

• Adam Carolla [44:48]:
  “When I judge a building by its tea…”

• Adam Carolla, on folk music [79:05]:
  “It was kind of the musical equivalent to the bumper sticker that says ‘end war.’ You know, it’s kind of like, all right, jack-off.”

• Kelley James, on creative baby names [140:59]:
  “You're telling me your kid named Sunshine?...Your whole crew's gotta call this little kid Apple and have a serious face. Damn.”

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Timestamps for Selected Segments

• 02:26 — Does John Mayer “Douchebag” Debate, David Wild’s Grammy Recap
• 23:42 — Paul McCartney, Kindness, and Celebrity Reputations
• 31:27 — Caller Asks: Career Persistence vs. Romantic Rejection
• 39:04 — Skirball, Flavored Iced Tea Rant
• 47:45 — Caller with OCD, Adam’s Take on Control & Religion
• 61:24 — News: Healthcare Costs, Tarantino Lawsuit, Pete Seeger
• 93:54 — Guilty Music Pleasures & “Tool Tunes”
• 132:00 — Kelley James Live: “Secret Lover” & Freestyle (Jimmy Kimmel’s Baby)
• 149:36 — Adam Calls “The Regular Guys” re: Bieber Prank
• 164:03 — Got Milk? Ad Campaign Dissection
• 168:11 — “Milk Life” and Mammalian Bragging Rights

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Tone and Style

Consistently irreverent, fast-paced, self-deprecating, and brainy, the episode blends biting social commentary, heartfelt anecdotes, and out-loud laughs. Adam drives the show with unfiltered candor, often leavened by sincerity (especially when speaking to listeners and discussing family, celebrity, or self-improvement). The banter—especially with returning regulars Allison, Brian, and David—keeps the energy both welcoming and spiky.

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For New Listeners

This episode is an excellent example of the Carolla Show’s broad appeal: frank life lessons, showbiz insight, relatable rants, and genuine musical talent. Whether you're a diehard Adam fan or a newcomer looking to sample his world, there’s something here for everyone: nostalgia, absurdity, and sincerity in equal measure.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, super fan, Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics available through Podcast one plus where you can find the ad free archives and if you'd like the ad free archives for the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, or exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat It Out. Make sure to check out Adam Carollo's substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com now let's get on the clips coming up. First we have Adam Carolla Show 1249, David Wild, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop from 2014.

[David Wild]

Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Croll.

[Adam Carolla]

Bryant.

[Allison Rosen]

I love when you finger me in the doorway, lick my tight asshole, blah blah blah.

[Brian Bishop]

Arisonlozin not the same person as Alison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Probably not, no.

[Brian Bishop]

I wanted that on Twitter.

[David Wild]

Such a fine line.

[Adam Carolla]

David Wilde in studio, fresh off the Grammys.

[David Wild]

Not so fresh if you can see me, your mind is wonderland. Adam Carolla. Because John Mayer and I had a long discussion about you only hours ago late last night and we have to get to that eventually.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm dying to hear the outcome of that conversation.

[David Wild]

I have an answer to the douchebag or cool guy question. A definitive answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I want to say this and I Don't want to sound like I'm backpedaling, but I think my comments will back me up. I started off as one of the biggest quandaries. Someone said to me, if you ever died, what's the first question you would ask God? And I said, meaning of life.

[Brian Bishop]

True love.

[Adam Carolla]

Is John Mayer a douchebag or a great guy with an incredible sense of humor who bangs everything under 25 that's not nailed down? And I couldn't figure it out. But the more I saw him in his antics, more I slid from douchebag over to funny guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Backpedaling.

[Adam Carolla]

I did sit next to him at some scleroderma foundation fundraiser or something, and he seemed pretty friendly. But no, admit it. He started off douchier and. And got more comical in the last few years.

[David Wild]

Okay, you don't know how that's a very interesting answer because you and John agree. You're even closer than you think the answer is. And this was last night he played the Beatles tribute, the Grammys Beatle Tribute, which airs February 9th on CBS 50 Years on the same network to the day of the Ed Sullivan show. The Beatles played on. So we did a big tribute with the Beatles last night. Amazing. John Mayer played with Keith Urban and then Katy Perry was performing. And I know John pretty well for many years, but it was still a weird question to. I decided I have to get the answer. And he will know if he's a douchebag or if he's a cool guy. So what I did was I. But I played it just well because I think he revealed the answer before I asked him the question. Katie was singing yesterday really well. And I said, john, let me ask you a question. You know Adam Carolla? He goes, oh, yeah, I love Adam Carolly. He's really funny. And I said, okay, right there we got a first indication.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, cool.

[David Wild]

I said that. Said Adam has said that when he gets to heaven, the question he needs to know is whether you're a douchebag or you're a good guy. And he said. I said, can I record your answer? He goes, no, I'm not that much of a douchebag that I want my answer recorded. He said, I think that the true answer is good guy, but with a long incubation period as a douchebag, an unusually long so that he feels he has come out of any douchebaggery into being a good guy. And I think he is a good guy because he, at least part of him, always loved you and loves your sense of humor.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously, I'VE always said he was a genius. I never said that, would never question. That was never in question.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry. The question is not, does Adam think he's a douchebag or a good guy? Because now we know that Adam loves him. The question is, which one is he? And I'm sorry, I'm not getting a good vibe from his answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a minute, there's Jay Moore. I was just talking about this with Jay, about Jay Moore to somebody else, which is. I said flat out to Jay Moore, you used to be an asshole. And everybody said you were an asshole. And he said I was an asshole. And I'm not an asshole anymore. That was a good seven, eight years ago. I think we can all agree that Jay Moore is a delight now.

[Allison Rosen]

He's the opposite of an asshole now, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if you guys sat down. Oh, you. I think you had an asshole Jay Moore story.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I never have. I've only heard tell of these stories.

[Adam Carolla]

They were fairly consistent and legendary and everyone knew it, including me firsthand. And I believe a man can make the pilgrimage from Asshole Valley to Mount Good Dude. It sounds very gay. The apex of Mount Good dude sounds very homoerotic to me. So maybe there's something about 23 year old guys who get way too much pussy and way too much money way too early that almost forces their douche hand.

[Allison Rosen]

Like Justin Bieber is laying in the valley of yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Of douche.

[David Wild]

Yeah, I don't think he's leaving that valley. I think he's a permanent resident of that valley.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so. But then at some point when you get into your 30s, it starts to do, you know what I'm saying? It's sort of like ex jocks, once they retire, they're all really super cool guys. They were the worst guys in the league when they played. The guys who do. All the guys you see doing color analysts on ESPN and stuff like that were some of the biggest assholes in the world. And now they're all super cool dudes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm sure Collinsworth was a dick in the locker room, but now I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

But he wouldn't let you record his answer. And I'm just wondering which Is that up on the peak of good dude or is that a Valley kind of answer?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a Valley.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a Valley, but it's a valley disguised as peak. Yeah, because he said, I'm not such a douchebag that I need you to record the answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know what that meant, but did he? He said he made the migration from.

[David Wild]

Douchebag inoculation, a long inoculation period. Incubation.

[Adam Carolla]

Incubation.

[David Wild]

That was the phrase he used. That was how he perceives it.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. All right. And where you come down.

[David Wild]

I've always liked him. I actually knew him at the height of when he was getting in a lot of trouble, which is really when he made a few comments, which is why he does not want it to be recorded. Because this is a guy who, when he started meeting. He's really quick witted, but you know, it's dangerous when you're young, ballsy and self confident and quick witted with journalists.

[Allison Rosen]

I always thought he was a douchebag and then I interviewed him and then I really, really liked him. But now I've come out on the other side because it's been since I've talked to him.

[David Wild]

I think in general that's one thing I noticed. You know, the last two nights I have been around. I mean, just because Johnny Depp and Anna Kendrick and Jeff, a million people did this Beatles thing and then there was the Grammys the night before. There's a trend in general towards everyone being afraid of social media, afraid of being recorded, afraid of being photographed. I don't want to say who it is, I really don't want to say who it is, but I ran into one of the young teen stars, girls, Harry Styles. No, I'm not gonna say who you mean who. But she literally was in tears.

[Allison Rosen]

He's my fave too.

[David Wild]

Seconds after coming off the red carpet. Because she already. She was literally tearing because she already knew the reviews of people on from on Twitter. She knew what people were saying, that she had the worst dress of the night. And she was already. These names that they were calling her, it was only.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me stop.

[David Wild]

But it was three or four minutes earlier and she was. It's like an ugly world.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on is everyone's looking for headline, everybody baits people. And then I've been in trouble myself many times. They just throw something out. And if you're the kind of person who's just used to answering, when you do interviews, you get into trouble and then what happens is you come up with this equation, which is not doing an interview equals nothing. Doing an interview equals potential trouble. So it's sort of like you're asking me to get in a car and drive without my seatbelt on. I'd rather not get in the car at all. Right. And that's kind of what you're getting so now you have a lot of people just going, I'm not getting in the car at all. Because all anyone does is get into trouble and nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

What possible good could come of it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, as a person who does certain, who says a certain amount of things that are hurtful and does a certain amount of things that are charitable, the certain amount of things that are charitable are never discussed. I mean, it's never picked up upon. I mean, it's always funny to me and ironic that in some of the articles talking about what a prick I am or homophobic I am or whatever, they're using pictures from a charity that I put on for the children's hospital.

[Allison Rosen]

But they never charity to end homosexuality.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I can do it through science. Through science. It's not just about praying anymore. It's good science.

[David Wild]

You were, by the way, our second choice after Queen Latifah to preside over the gay or the same sex and non same sex weddings at the Grammys. You would have been, I think, perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Is Queen. We're trying to figure out Queen Latifah, is she just sort of de facto out now?

[David Wild]

I don't think I could answer that for her. I don't think she's out to say no. I think, but she's, I have to say, I've dealt with her for years. I just did that whole show with Davis, Guggenheim with her for. Spent a lot of time with her. She's great and she's. I mean, I think the fact that she did it means she's not just here being herself.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but what I'm saying is her doing that was sort of her sort of saying, maybe if I'm not out, at least I got the fleshy part of my thigh sticking out of the closet.

[David Wild]

I don't think anyone should answer that for anyone else.

[Adam Carolla]

I should.

[David Wild]

Except for you, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's put it to you this way. If somebody had question marks surrounding their sexuality and if this was Liberace and this was 1961, he wouldn't have presided over that. Cuz he would have went, wait a minute, there's already rumors swirling around, right? I'm already trying to keep this quiet. But if somebody said, you know what, let people talk, let them think what they want, I don't care. As a matter of fact, I don't mind being out. I just don't want to make a proclamation about it. Then you would preside over it. But either way, I'm straight. By the way, you can't Judge I know sad your wife wishes you sucked a little more cock. David Wilde in studio. Neil Brennan joining us in a few as well. So a couple little bits of business. So John Mayer a delight. I knew it. Number one. Number two, load up and get ready for this Beatles tribute thing. Cause I want to hear who played what songs they did and all that. One of these days we should sit down and figure this out. Because I love the Beatles and there's a lot of Beatles songs I like. And I feel like I hear, I don't know, Birthday, Helter Skelter and hey Jude like way too much on the radio. And I don't hear songs like Nowhere man, which is one of my favorite Beatles songs. That song was like, that should have been done by Graham Parker or John Hyde. That's how much airtime it gets. But why not fucking play it on the radio? And why do we have to hear Helter skelter for the 56th time today?

[David Wild]

That song. We did a John Lennon tribute right after 911 in New York. It's called Come together a night for John Lennon and I. I love. That's one of my favorite songs of all time. And it is not played enough. And so it's not played at all really.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, not in Los Angeles, not on the air and not. I could take the. In the sort of pantheon of Beatles songs if you want. Just from most spins down to last. Nowhere man would be somewhere in the low 40s, mid-50s in terms of how many spins it gets versus almost, you know, I want to hold your hand gets played 700 times every nowhere Man. I don't know what. I don't know who. I know program directors are evil fucking horrible people that should have their eyeballs taken out with salt filled pencil ends. But I don't know why they just decided they're the Beatles. People have heard of them, right?

[David Wild]

I made a real attempt to revive it as a hit song in. When we did this John Lennon tribute, Natalie Merchant was at her sort of commercial peak and I suggested she do it. She did this amazing version that should be a hit, but it wasn't. I think there was another version on. We had. Sean Penn was there last night and I think he had that movie. I am Sam. Is that what it was called? And I think they did all Beatles covers on there. And I think there was a shower.

[Adam Carolla]

Got on there in that one. That was your mistake. Downey said he went full tar and that was the mistake he made.

[David Wild]

Can I tell you one?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, let me tell you why this song is good.

[David Wild]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Shimmery guitar.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good because the Beatles had an early sound that was a little bit derivative, a little bit tinning, a little bit 50s rockabilly, kind of very American influence, you know, and then they had an. Just sort of eclectic sound that was later. That had a little. Maybe a little too much sitar in it for the average guy. This song captures the. The perfect balance. The old.

[David Wild]

It was mid pot, pre.

[Adam Carolla]

Pre Coke.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it. It's got the old Beatles with the sort of smoothness. Yeah. It's not even psychedelics, just the production, the fuller sound or something. Yeah. It's right in the middle.

[David Wild]

Love this.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. But I'll never be played on Amber.

[David Wild]

It's being played right now on the number one podcast in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right, so you chamber that for one second and tell me the artist, tell me the songs and all that good stuff. I want to mention a quick bit of business. I'm going to give my Instagram pic or my super bowl pick on Instagram. People want to know.

[Brian Bishop]

They need to know.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm dying to know.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so sad because I read the tweets, hey, Aceman, who do you like in the Super Bowl? And I go, there's somebody respects my over 10 years of playing ball plus my years. And then they go, oh, wait a minute now. Now I know they're fishing for. They want to bet against me. Well, first thing you kids need to know, and I'm not going to tell you. How do you like them apples? I have to bet on a team in order to make the pox official. See, when I just give my approximation might make my poximation, my proclamation.

[David Wild]

Approximation on both of your houses. Is that the.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I put one on both teams. When I do that, that's not enough. I got to lay money down.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you have to have mistakes in the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And that's when the pox kicks in. And you won't know whether I actually bet or not. So now you got to flip that coin. I and will be sure to follow us by the way, at Corolla Digital on Instagram and you can see the pick I make this Friday. I got my team in my head. But again, you're going to have to decide whether I. Whether I actually put money down. It seems to me. And I have a. Usually I have a pretty good feeling on these things. I feel like must be two and a half, three points Denver given away at this point. But somebody can like it opened it to Gary can probably get somebody somebody. Usually if you follow the season, you'll have a pretty good idea when you get to the end.

[Gary Haftard]

Denver given two and a half I was way off.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so I've never checked. It just felt like right felt like oh God, that field goal. That's gonna be all right. Also, my beautiful wife Lynette is doing her podcast One on One Conversations with oh my God. It's exciting. Other Bruce super fans. By the way, you can subscribe on itunes or you go to 10th Avenue Productions podcast. Oh sorry, 10th Avenue podcast iTunes or go to 10th Avenue podcast and find do you have what it takes to finish first? The App Store is packed with super fast, super fun racing games for every driver. From battling with your favorite characters in Disney Speedstorm to piloting one of over 400 different cars on officially licensed tracks in real racing 3. It's all right here. Blast down the track with no limit drag racing 2. Race and collect the latest and greatest cars in CSR2 realistic drag racing. Or even take over the International Car racing arena with Asphalt Legends and take on the toughest drivers from around the world with NASCAR Manager. Just visit the App Store to find these racing games and more and get ready to start your engines. Leave boredom in the dust on the App Store. It's okay not to be perfect with finances. Experian is your big financial friend and here to help. Did you know you can get matched with credit cards on the app? Some cards are labeled no Ding decline, which means if you're not approved, they won't hurt your credit scores. Download the Experian app for free today. Applying for no Ding Decline cards won't hurt your credit scores if you aren't initially approved. Initial approval will result in a hard inquiry which may impact your credit scores. Experian out what everyone's buzzing about what everyone's going to be buzzing about.

[Brian Bishop]

Is she a Bruce fan? Hornsby no different from Bruce.

[David Wild]

She loves the range.

[Adam Carolla]

She's more of the what's his name in the Beaver Brown band?

[David Wild]

John Tafferty.

[Adam Carolla]

But she always says any port in a storm, so I think she's gonna talk about Bruce this time. And if you guys want to hear some stuff you probably never heard.

[David Wild]

Is this on Cruella Digital?

[Adam Carolla]

It's on iTunes and 10th Avenue podcast.

[David Wild]

I'm checking that out.

[Adam Carolla]

That's as much as I know it.

[Gary Haftard]

Is on Corolla Digital. First episode drops this Friday with Phil Rosenthal and it's gonna be once monthly.

[David Wild]

Last Friday I had lunch with Phil Rosenthal.

[Adam Carolla]

Why does it say, go to itunes.

[Gary Haftard]

Those are the best places to find it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[David Wild]

I just had lunch with Phil and he had to leave. He said, I have to get home. The Secret Service is coming at 3 because Mrs. Obama is coming to his house tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right.

[David Wild]

And I said, that's a good excuse to leave the lunch early.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you yelled, don't bullshit a bullshitter and backhanded him.

[David Wild]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

I beat them. I know you, man. All right, so wait, why is she.

[Allison Rosen]

Going to his house?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she was. This is two months ago.

[David Wild]

No, it got pushed back. And tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it is?

[David Wild]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause I remember we were.

[David Wild]

The preparations for it.

[Adam Carolla]

We were talking about this happening a couple months ago, Right.

[David Wild]

There was a government shutdown that sort of made it. She couldn't do it. It would have been not appropriate. And it's there tomorrow. And I know you're paying the money in going to the fundraiser, I'm sure.

[Allison Rosen]

The fundraiser, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. As I've said, stay on fucking Air Force One and raise some real money and don't shut down the city. I don't know, human being who wouldn't love to go down to LAX and take a tour of Air Force One, and then we wouldn't have to shut down the 405 for the motorcade. It's win, win. And that way the mountain could come to Mohamed. Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Use what you got.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Phil Rosenthal's place is cool, but a nice tour of Air Force One with the first lady a little bit cooler. Are they going to show movie?

[David Wild]

I don't think so. No, I'm not going.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not going to be going because it costs money.

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What is. How much does it cost?

[David Wild]

I. I don't know. I really. I don't even remember.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you didn't even get an invite?

[David Wild]

No, I think I. I think I got an invite. I just wouldn't consider it.

[Adam Carolla]

Couldn't pass security.

[David Wild]

Well, also, I don't approve of that kind of background politics and all.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So, David, you shot last night. Yes, the Beatles.

[David Wild]

Let's rephrase that sentence.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And how was it?

[David Wild]

It was fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Where was it?

[David Wild]

It was at the convention center, right next to the Grammys. And the last few days have been surreal because the Grammys are a very intense, long, big show that usually wipes you out, but this time we were doing another show about, you know, 800 yards away and had to go back and forth to talk to, you know, to deal with the two rehearsals There was like this amazing house band with Peter Frampton and, you know, 18 other Don Juaz and Peter Frampton. Who wants to come on the show and who. I hope you would love to have.

[Adam Carolla]

A lovely guy, great guitarist, great guy, and seems like a really nice guy. And it was in the episode of the Family Guy, he's a co star that I. That I semi starred in. Was his episode as well. He was in that one as well.

[David Wild]

But I have the rundown. I can tell you everyone who was in it, but it was the main. It all built to an actual. Ringo did a set. Paul did a set. And then they did together, which, you know, they were on the Grammys together doing Paul's new song. But this was with a little help from my friends. You know, Paul played sergeant Pepper. Then Ringo walked out as Billy Shears, like on the introduction and did With a little help with my friends. Then they did hey Jude together with Ringo drumming. It was just great. But a lot of great people were on it. Your friend John Mayer was on with.

[Adam Carolla]

Keith Urban, Not a douche.

[David Wild]

Alicia Keys and John Legend doing Let It Be, which was beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[David Wild]

I could imagine the Eurythmics reuniting and doing Full on the Hill. Stevie Wonder doing We Can Work it out, which he recorded Once Upon a Time.

[Adam Carolla]

Annie Lennox. Super long hair and a short dress.

[David Wild]

I think it's short hair now.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[David Wild]

I think it's.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's not the animal.

[Brian Bishop]

Tell me she's wearing pants or I'm gonna walk out of this goddamn studio.

[David Wild]

Here. This is Alison, Would you pass this to Adam? This was my most interesting emotional moment during the weekend was this was a Weirdly enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[David Wild]

Weirdly enough, that's your kids with a.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy who has the same hair in the middle of them who's 62 years older. Wait a minute. That's Sir Paul McCartney.

[David Wild]

Yeah. No. And what.

[Adam Carolla]

Unbelievable.

[David Wild]

No, but the weird thing about this is it wouldn't be weird if I asked for this photo or if they had asked for this photo. But. And when you're Paul McCartney and Ringo, every single person who passes you asked for a picture. And Sir Paul has like, security around so that they don't have to. They can't stop for everybody. But the weird thing is Linda McCartney is part of the reason I have. I got married. She met when I had gone out with my wife for like three weeks. I went on the road with the McCartneys and we were in New Jersey. He was playing the stadium and she asked me about if I was dating anyone. And I told her, my girlf. Actually, the girl I just met was in town. She said, bring her to lunch tomorrow. Have her come to the sound check. And the McCartney sound check is the greatest thing in the world because he doesn't do anything from his show. He does all the cool R and B stuff he wants to do and weird Beatles stuff that you've never heard him do.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Nowhere Man.

[David Wild]

What's that like?

[Adam Carolla]

Nowhere Man.

[David Wild]

Well, that's a John song. But in any case. And when she met. She pulled me aside and said, you have to marry that girl. And I did, as a result.

[Adam Carolla]

How. That's a very cool story.

[David Wild]

No. And so then what happens? The finish of the story is my wife is coming and bringing the kids to the Grammys. And they go through the backstage area with all the dressing rooms. And everyone is trying to get to Paul. They're going around the side to get through to say hello to me. Paul grabs them, pulls them over and says, I have to take a picture with you guys. Come here, lads. Takes a picture and starts massaging their shoulders warmly and says, I'm the past. You guys are the future.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I.

[David Wild]

And I was like, what? Either he had some instinctive feeling, or he thought they were Jonas Brothers.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he thought they were the Jones brothers. But can I say this? You guys tell me. Interesting list. And then, Alison, I want to get to that story you have as well that I brought in. The thing we can never figure out. I have this conversation all the time. When you're an icon like Paul McCartney, every waitress, every waiter, every bartender, every cab driver, every airplane pilot, everyone you come in contact with, then goes home and says to their spouse, guess who was on our flight? Guess who came up to my coffee Bean and tea leaf? Like, guess who. Guess who. Guess who. Guess who. So everyone's gonna have a story, and you're fucking stinking rich, and you're a legend. Why not overdo it in the nice department just to have. This is all you have left now. You don't need any more in your bank account. You don't need any more gold records or Grammys. All you have is this emotional bank account where people have this memory of you who are going, he's the nicest guy. And you don't have to do anything other than just kind of be sweet with people. And because they're already huge fans, they'll go absolutely insane and way over the top about how nice you are.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you gonna do this one day?

[Adam Carolla]

I already do. Do it.

[David Wild]

Oh, no, you're really nice to people you don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm nice to people I don't know.

[David Wild]

It's the people you do know.

[Adam Carolla]

No, what I. My favorite thing to do is they go, there's this guy back here, schlubby. Schlub number three. And they go, he's a big fan. He's from Wisconsin. And I just. I'll grab and hug him as hard as I can. I'll go, come here, Budd. I'm mainly doing it just to kind of fuck with them, because I can see they're tentative and shy and weird, and they think I'm gonna be weird and whatever. Although, go back and tell somebody that I'm a really nice guy. I'm not a really nice guy. It's more interesting. It's a much more interesting exchange to me. Instead of going, hey, bro, how you doing? Thanks for coming. Make yourself at home and then walk back in that room. It's much better to do something sort of weird. It doesn't cost you any more in the calorie department. And I get the feeling. And one day we'll make a list of the actual douchebags and then the actual nice guys, and then the guys who go a step further because they know you are gonna be talked about because it is them.

[Allison Rosen]

Bill Murray.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't. I've never met Bill Murray. And it's like, I get the feeling like, Henry Winkler is that nice guy.

[David Wild]

Oh, Henry Winkler is the ultimate. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

McCartney. I just feel like he knows he's royalty. Why not just put a smile on everyone's face and have everyone go back and tell a great story about what a sweet gentleman he is?

[Brian Bishop]

But then do you divide the list into. I mean, divide. But you make a distinction between this is a nice guy who's doing it out of the niceness of his heart and a guy who's very conscious of his public image, and he's doing it because he wants people to tell his story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's an interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

Paul.

[Adam Carolla]

It's an interesting twist.

[David Wild]

Paul and Ringo are nicer than most boy bands or any. Like, people who don't have nearly the sort of issues that, you know, it's hard to be a Beatle you do get descended upon. Yet they handle it, both of them, with real grace.

[Allison Rosen]

Last.

[David Wild]

Last band I should tell you about. There was an Adam Corolla supergroup there at the Beatles tribute.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, who was in it?

[David Wild]

Jeff Lynn with Joe Walsh.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[David Wild]

I think Grohl in there also. And Grohl has to be A future guest. I think people want that.

[Adam Carolla]

They love Grohl.

[Allison Rosen]

They do want that.

[David Wild]

Jeff Lynn, we talked a lot about. He. He didn't realize how much you really do love him. He was. I told him, no, it wasn't just for the show. You are that Jeff Lynn.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he's a. I mean, I think he's a great artist, but I think he's maybe a better producer.

[David Wild]

Great producer.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, just a really. And when he was kind of explaining about his younger days walking with his dad and sort of sonically hearing things through this big metal tube, like, I think it was like a drainage tube or something by the side of the road or something, you just. You saw the young sort of genius. I don't know how many. I don't know how many producers are known, but people sort of. People don't realize that he's all of ELO and.

[Brian Bishop]

And as a producer, I'm guessing like hits are. Are subject to whether they land or not or whether a lot of. A lot of factors. If you have a signature sound that kind of lasts forever.

[Adam Carolla]

His signature sound is big and smooth and melodic and just fantastic.

[David Wild]

He really is interesting that he was. He did something with Danny Harrison, George's son and with Joe. That was one of the numbers he did. He did hey Bulldog again, not one of the hits.

[Brian Bishop]

Digging Deep.

[David Wild]

Dave Grohl wanted to do hey Bulldog and he did it with Jeff Lynn and it was great. And he actually, because it was an interesting choice, I had him tell the story of why he chose it. And it was really interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And Grohl, just one of the. Just a great rocker. All right. Audible.com baby. Oh, man. Leading provider of premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment on the ultranet Internet. I'm listening to Bossypants right now by young Tina Fey. Anyone who's not into the audiobooks needs to get into the audiobooks. You just. Anytime there's a flight delay or you're just sitting in the back of a cab or whatever, you go ahead and pop those earbuds in and learn something. Laugh. Or in my case, learn to love again. Over 150,000 titles, every genre and fiction, history, romance, mysteries, thrillers, sci fi, self development. It's a good one. Kids, young adults, all there. And you get a free audiobook and a 30 day trial today by signing up at WW Audible podcast. So you can get a free audiobook and a 30 day trial. Just sign up today at www.AudiblePodcast.com ACE. All right, let's see. Got A couple phone calls. Allison's got a story in there. Let's see. We got calls we like.

[Brian Bishop]

End of the. Odd numbers are good. 1, 3 and 5 are all good calls.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, start it. 4.

[Allison Rosen]

Go fuck yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't know this.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, man, what's going on? 30 Atlanta, what's going on?

[Caller]

We got 5 inches of snow here today. Actually, you know what, your podcast yesterday with death, right, guy? Only thing that gave me a smile today, five hours in traffic. Unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

Here. Wow, that's Atlanta crazy.

[Caller]

Yeah, we're not. We're not used to this, buddy. It's pretty madness.

[Adam Carolla]

That dude gets more snatched than a three handed gypsy. Yeah, we all love dfg.

[Caller]

Yes, sir. Well, my question was is I'm on a steady string of job interviews and dates, neither one going my way.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Caller]

I don't know when to fight for something. Like I get an email or a text from either a girl or the job interview. And you know, number two is not really in the future. And I don't know whether to just let it go or is that my. Am I supposed to fight? Am I supposed to say, you're making a big mistake, you're missing out on this and really go for it or just let it go?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. This is making me think about things. Movies, I think have it backwards in every movie. And I only go off 80 movies, 80s movies, montage scenes. But in every 80s movies, montage scene.

[Brian Bishop]

Like black and white guy running down the beach, one going backwards ended a big man hugging the surf.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's Rocky. I'm talking about real films like Cocktail, they do that. They used to do the job interview montage scene. Sorry, we're just not hiring. We're going another direction. You know, they do like 10 different ways of sorry. And it'd be Tom Cruise shaking someone's hand. It was this whole montage of them getting up and leaving. Get up and leaving. Getting up and leaving, spinning.

[David Wild]

The Criterion edition of Cocktail is remarkable.

[Adam Carolla]

With hand tooled leather case. Unbelievable embossed, unbelievable scenes that were deleted.

[David Wild]

Because they were good.

[Adam Carolla]

The gold leafing. Yeah, they had the montage of Cruz being, sorry, you don't have the training. And by the way, they're always super rude. Would you be rude to a 26 year old tom Cruise who came into your office?

[Allison Rosen]

I would not, no.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, when they want you to go away, they go, yeah, you look fantastic right now. Currently we're not hiring anybody, but we'll be in contact. You know, you do that. You don't Go, sorry, you don't have the training. Yeah, I know, super snarky.

[Allison Rosen]

If only they gave you that much information ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So every 80s get a job montage was them telling you to buzz off. And then you just grab your briefcase and walk out. And then at some point smash cut to you in the same suit with the tie loosened up, having a bar at the bar, having a cocktails. Right, that, that's how it worked. Now then with the woman, she would say, I never want to see again and slam the door. And then he'd walk back to his car smiling, I'm going to marry her. Now the reality is it's exactly the opposite, which is when the chick tells you she wants nothing to do with you and you're not getting a second date, go the fuck home, beat off, go to bed and take no for an answer. But if there's a company you'd really like to work for and they go, right now, we're just not hiring, come back the next day and go, how about I work for free? Or are you taking interns?

[Allison Rosen]

Or I agree with you totally. And I think if I could do my life over again, I always played it way too cool with job things and was too eager in relationships. And I wish I could reverse it because I know now if I were hiring, if someone wanted to work with me, the more enthusiastic they seemed to, the more I would be inclined to give them a job. Because what they don't realize is, or what I didn't realize is that when I go in for an interview and I give them my resume and I really want the job, they don't realize that. They think that, you know, all 20 people are just applying for a bunch of jobs. You have to make them realize how much you really specifically want to work for them.

[Adam Carolla]

Which doesn't work on 23 year old chicks, it makes them repel even further away from you. But 47 year old dudes who are hiring, it usually does when they see someone who's wildly enthusiastic about working with their company. So it's the exact opposite of what they portray in movies. David. Yes, thank you for provoking that thought. So when it comes to the ladies, take no for an answer. And when it comes to the career, don't take no for an answer.

[Allison Rosen]

But don't be psycho, just be enthusiastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, don't take an ether rag to your next job interview and rape them in the alley. You understand what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Unless you're interviewing for a job as a rapist.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, unless that's part of the criteria of the job.

[Brian Bishop]

Allison's right. There's a lot of opposites with job interviews and with first dates. I mean, like, you can't go in like, you know, I'm interviewing for 20 other jobs. Is that the vibe you want to give off? But maybe on the first day, like, I've been dating around, I was looking for the. Don't seem too, like, indelible.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't want to seem eager or desperate on a date, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So you do want to seem very eager for the job interview. You don't want to seem eager on the date. And if you're told no to the second date, no means no in that. Or if you want there to be a second date. The only chance you have for a second date is listening to no, which might mean they may change your mind, but I doubt it. But you can't force that issue. But if it's a job thing, and you say to the guy, all right, maybe that position's not open, maybe I'll just sweep up around here until that job does open up, that person will usually be impressed and give you something. All right, let's see. You want the. What do we want? Oh, the odd number. Shit. Line three. David?

[Caller]

Yes. Space man.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Caller]

Hey, man, I had a great time last year when you threw that Cinco de Mangria bash. And just hoping that you're going to do that again or maybe something like it.

[Adam Carolla]

What was that? Raising money for something or. What was that? What were we doing for that?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it was the Mangria Fund of America.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Children's Hospital, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, Children's Hospital. Yeah. Let's see. Coming up May. I'm shooting that fucking movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't sound good.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to think.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't sound good for you, David?

[Adam Carolla]

It's not sounding good. David, I'm gonna be trying to figure out a way to wrap up this Paul Newman documentary and shoot this other movie. And I just got so much stuff coming up. I doubt that I'll be doing it again, but maybe. And I'll ask Lynette if she wants to. She just got somebody to cut a nice check to Children's Hospital, and maybe she'll put something together, but if it is, this will be her thing, so bring it up during her show.

[Caller]

I think I'm due a partial refund, though, because Bald Brian and Allison Rosen were not there. I didn't get to meet them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Where the hell were you guys?

[Brian Bishop]

I think I may have been out of town, some family thing. It was. It was Cinco de Mayo and the kind of semi last minute. I have no recollection.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Allison sounded fun.

[Allison Rosen]

I. I could not make it and I don't remember why.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, next one or something. Yeah, yeah. Was it. Did we have all the food trucks there and was everyone playing the music and everything? We've done a few of those events and I get drunk and I can't separate them sometimes. Or actually I can, but I don't want to. I don't want to burn the calories. Yeah. Fits in the tantrums. All right. John Popper.

[David Wild]

Susanna Hoffs.

[Adam Carolla]

Susanna Hoffs. Yeah. Great night. Thanks, David. Yep.

[Caller]

Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right, let's see. Adam's thoughts on Architectural Digest of the Skirball.

[Allison Rosen]

That's an even number.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. I said we wouldn't do even number calls.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks to Google Calendar, I had a medical procedure that day.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Google Calendar, buddy. Casey.

[Caller]

Hey, Adam, thanks for taking my call.

[Adam Carolla]

28 Colorado. What's going on?

[Caller]

Hey, I just wanted to see what your thoughts are of the Skirball Cultural Center.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm pissed at it. I'll tell you why.

[Caller]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I like when people go, I'll tell you why. Then you pause and go, can I tell you why? It'd be nice if you did. Didn't hear the person scream. No.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you explain to the out of towners what this is?

[Adam Carolla]

This is on the 405 Freeway, just somewhere between where O.J. lives. Lived. Sorry, where O.J. lived. Well, you saw during the slow speed chase where he ended up. Somewhere between that and where you get on. In the Valley side, off the 135. The Ventura Freeway. No, no, that side. And that somewhere in the middle on that hill. Oh, let's see. We're right kind of around where Ennis Cosby was shot.

[David Wild]

It is exactly where Ennis.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not exactly, but very, very close.

[Allison Rosen]

Star tour.

[Adam Carolla]

Very close. Yeah.

[Caller]

Paparazzi.

[Adam Carolla]

It's right going through the Canyon on the 405. If you're going from the Valley to LAX, you will pass by this place. A lot of concrete, a lot of caissons and a lot of retaining walls. And they just built right into the side of the hill and right on top of the hill. I guess that would be the Santa Monica mountain range. Although it doesn't really feel like Santa Monica. Beautiful modern museum and cultural center. I think I gave a lecture or something there once. I can't remember. But anyway, I decided the reason I hate this place Is it was about eight or nine years ago. And this is when I realized the wheels were officially off the fucking wagon. Lynette and I did one of those. It's a Sunday. Why don't we do what normal people do on a Sunday, like go somewhere instead of putting around our bathrobes and complaining. So I said, go to that Skirball Center. They got that restaurant up on the top and you make reservations. They have a beautiful panoramic view. You can see Malibu and you can see all along the coast. And you can see pretty much from downtown LA and beyond all the way down to practically Ventura county. And there's Catalina off in the distance. So it seemed really, really cool. I spoke there May 31, 2007. Oh, with. Is it Megan Dom?

[Brian Bishop]

That was the Megan Dom thing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It was architecture or something, wasn't it? Or building something.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think that was just how to be a genius without trying. That's what she said. I don't know. She was a fan. Whatever. Anyway, there we were on top of this restaurant, trying to enjoy ourselves, looking at the beautiful view, just Lynette and myself enjoying a Sunday.

[Allison Rosen]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

And again this 2000, and I think it's before the kids are born, 2004 or 5. And the waiter came by and it was Sunday at 1 in the afternoon. And I said, I'm gonna have an iced tea. And then I paused and then I paused and I said, now this place is just sort of traditional fare, you know. I said, regular iced tea? Regular iced tea. And the guy said, oh yeah. And I said, not passion fruit or any of that. You have regular iced tea? Yeah. I said, okay, well then give me one of those with a wedge of lemon. And then he came back and he gave me that fucking thing that sounded like somebody. Tastes like someone took potpourri, put it in a fucking sock and boiled it and piss. And then just put it over ice and put it in my fucking drink. And then I gave the guy the. Took a hit off it. This is before we'd completely gone off the fucking wagon, off the deep end. Just the wheels that come off the wagon with the fucking passion fruit iced tea where I took the hit off it. And I went, oh, excuse me. No, I didn't want the flavored iced tea. I said, just the regular iced tea. And he went, that is regular iced tea. And I went, oh, now, now it's over. I realized then and there like that if that was a movie, it would have been one of those pull out jib shots where that and My voiceover would have kicked in. That's when I realized we'd lost the war. We lost. We lost. And of course, we've been getting our ass kicked ever since by this fucking T that no human being likes. But either way, when this guy told me that is regular iced tea, that had become the norm, and that's when I realized we lost the battle. I hung my head and I sobbed.

[Brian Bishop]

Open, sad day at the center.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

No wonder you hate it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Of course, the fucking option of iced tea. Iced tea would never be considered. You only get the one that tastes like fucking shitty scented candle or nothing else. God, What? Again? The percentage of people that order an iced tea that want something that's not iced tea. What could it be?

[Brian Bishop]

Didn't we have the caller call and explain to us he worked in a restaurant? And the reason is that because it cleans the units somehow better.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something.

[Brian Bishop]

It all snapped into focus, and I was like, ah, of course. It's something stringent, economic, slash. It helps their bottom line. Ultimately, they have to clean their units less.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something. Something, some reason.

[David Wild]

All right, I bet you it's just cheaper. That syrup is cheaper than tea.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something. There's something that does it. But anyway, architecture, that part's fine. The tea's for shit. Now, when I judge a building by its tea.

[Allison Rosen]

When you brought up earlier, when you brought up. When you say, can I just. Can I tell you. Da, da, da. That reminded me of something. A long time ago, I was making out with this guy, and I said to him, you know, I really don't know anything about you. My fiance, Daniel. No, not him. And he's like, ask me anything. And I realized I don't really want to know anything about you. It's kind of the end.

[Adam Carolla]

We have one more call up here. Gary. We just threw something up on the screen, which is why Dr. Drew tells me to do his HLN show all the time. And I have done his fucking HLN show before. And all those shows. Said it once, said it a thousand times. All of TV producing is about apologizing by putting on way too many people and cutting back and forth and going way too fast. And they give Drew an IFB in his ear, and there's somebody yelling at him. And here's how it works. Drew starts the show and he goes, is cheating. Healthy is cheating. He goes, can men stop cheating? Is it genetically encoded? Or can they stop? And then they do this thing where they turn them around. My right scientist so and so. And Then they name that person. They name the person. They name 12 other people, and then they name you. And then they have somebody coming in from England and they're standing in front of Big Ben and they're going to. The entire show is either setting up who they're going to talk to next or trying to shut somebody up so someone else can get a word in edgewise. It's traffic copying. It's no fucking opinions. And then it's, we've got to take a break. We've got to take a break. When we come back, then they're gonna introduce somebody from Amsterdam to talk on the same subject. And then he has to come back and he has to introduce everybody that's on the panel, plus the person out of London, plus the person out of Amsterdam. And I go, look, tell your fucking hackneyd producers. I don't want to be a part of their clusterfuck. You want to go one on one and have an interesting conversation with another human being, fine. Let's not all do the fucking pig fuck on each other. It's no good. Well, they just showed me one. And this is out of Atlanta during.

[Gary Haftard]

Storm watch right now. Learned about from our.

[Adam Carolla]

How many people are more than Brady Bunch? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Yeah, 14. There's 14 people in boxes on the screen at the same time. We get it. There's a fucking winter storm.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, we're connecting through there in two days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Awesome. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

We're connecting through there so we don't get snowed in anywhere in Chicago.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you had to know. You had to know that was coming. All right. Oh, Atlanta. Anyway, let's see. I don't think Neil Brennan's gonna make it because of a scheduling issue that was not his fault. Let me underline that. So we will rebook. Neil, Eric. Philadelphia.

[Caller]

Hey. Hi, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Eric, 21, from Philadelphia.

[Caller]

Well, I'm really nervous, but. Hi. I've been really dealing with really bad OCD and depression. Well, OCD for my whole life and depression. Really bad. Since I graduated from high school three years ago, I've been going to therapy for the past year, and I've been seeing a psychiatrist for two years now.

[Adam Carolla]

How does really bad OCD manifest itself?

[Caller]

Well, basically, like, I guess one example is, like, it takes me, like, an hour for to go to bed before I can, like, because I have to, like, put everything away in the bathroom properly, and I have to shut all my doors properly.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking roommates like you, they couldn't go to bed until they took left a shit in my toilet and filled the sink up with dirty dishes.

[Brian Bishop]

What I wouldn't have given for a Rebecca.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just an ounce.

[David Wild]

I think it's a request you can make on most college forums.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, well, OCD rules now or something bad's gonna happen, right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me comment. Nobody ever really approaches it from this standpoint, but isn't it sort of just the ultimate narcissism if you think about it? Like if I don't circle this lamppost three times, I will be hit by lightning or a trolley car or something that important. It's a way of sort of control. Yeah, it is, but I mean, it's the ultimate sort of you and the gods trying to control, kind of controlling the gods. And now I'm starting to think, speaking of gods, I do understand are born again Christians. Like are really religious people. OCD too? Because I feel like their OCD is already taken care of. Like they got the guy upstairs, right?

[Allison Rosen]

So do they just let him ride?

[Adam Carolla]

It's interesting because it's weird. I'm not a religious person, but I like kind of looking at what they do and I don't feel like this is something that falls on people that have a strong faith. Do you know what I mean? But maybe I'm way off.

[Brian Bishop]

Muslims pray like six times a day.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. That is pretty compulsive. Hey, Eric.

[Caller]

Yeah? Actually, funny you mentioned that. I'm a very religious person. I go to a Bible college and I guess, I don't know, did I.

[Adam Carolla]

Crack on your point? Yeah, but still.

[Brian Bishop]

Take that, Eric.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, baby, you're a very religious person, you go to a Bible college. So why don't you just let fucking God. I mean, why don't you just let God handle it for you?

[Caller]

It's just like an internal struggle just kind of controls your mind.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so as I always say, I tell everybody, look, wake up, go on a five mile hike or a jog, do a bunch of push ups, listen to a bunch of classical music, and if that doesn't work, then take some medication or possibly do both. But you sound like a candidate for the medication.

[Caller]

I've been on like six medicines the past year and just none of them seem to work.

[Adam Carolla]

You do know what's going on. Yeah. And what if you. Every time you had an impulse to do something OCDE, you just dropped down and did 10 pushups? What do you think would happen?

[Brian Bishop]

You'd have to do 10 more.

[Caller]

Actually, that's a very good Point. I may try that.

[Adam Carolla]

Why don't you try that? At least you get some nice packs.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

OCD with him. Fucking delts and packs. Yeah. You look like Herschel Walker. Thank you, Herschel. By the way, Herschel may be the Jewish name on the planet, but Herschel Walker's the un Jewish person on the planet.

[Brian Bishop]

He really undoed that name.

[Adam Carolla]

He undoed the shit out of Herschel. You show me a picture of Herschel looking, with a shirt off, looking good. I'll show you a very non Jew.

[David Wild]

In Hebrew school he was known as Hesche.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the way, that's 48 year old Herschel Walker.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Herschel Walker when HERSCHEL Walker was 22 is just fucking insane. By the way, I love the guys. Incredible, incredible. Just touch, by God physiques and they go. All I do is push ups. And that's all you have? No, it's not all we have. It's all you have to do. I eat whatever I want. I just do, you know, it's like, I know you. We ain't gonna look like that. Herschel. Jeez, that guy's a fucking specimen. My God. He was one of these guys who had two. Yes, he had two sets of shoulders. You can find me a better one of Herschel on this. But he had like the traps that had the should. He has like the shoulders and then the shoulders again.

[Allison Rosen]

His shoulders have shoulders.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Huge trapezius muscles.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, you want huge trapezius muscles, I suggest stamps.com. that's where I get the big bucks.

[Brian Bishop]

Lifting all the money you're going to save over your head.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All those rolls of nickels right over your head in that sock.

[Brian Bishop]

Shit weighs a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.stamps.com. you can buy and print official US postage use your own computer. Oh, yeah. Automatically calculates the exact postage you need for any letter or package. And they got a special offer. You sitting down. A no risk, $110 bonus offer. Includes a digital scale. 55 bucks. Free postage only if you enter Adam. So what do you do? Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, type In Adam, that's stamps.com promo code. Adam. All right, we'll take a quick break. Oh, there's Hershel with those traps. You ever see guys where you're like, where'd that muscle come from? How come I don't have that muscle? How do I move my arm? Where's it coming from?

[Allison Rosen]

It Looks like you could just pump it up. Yeah, it's like a little air bladder under his skin.

[Adam Carolla]

Unbelievable, that Herschel. But anyway, he undoed Herschel, didn't he?

[Brian Bishop]

He did.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary has a very interesting update on Gavin Newsom. Half dart. Gary somebody went and spoke to Gavin Newsom about me. Boy, I gotta tell you, between Gavin and John Mayer, a lot of secondhand smoke around the Ace, man these days. Allison's got a cool story brought in, and we'll do the news. And everybody, David Wilde, the Grammy salute to the Beatles. And it's going to air February 9th on CBS. Wild About Music is the Twitter always a delight.

[David Wild]

One more plug.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[David Wild]

Thursday, CNN, the 60s, British Invasion. Tom Hanks company did it. I'm in it with Quest Love. Susanna Hoff's your friend. A million other people. It's really good about the Beatles and beyond.

[Adam Carolla]

All this stuff he and they produce are always great. Of course, if our friend David Wilde's in it, how bad can it be? All right, quick break right back after this. All right, thank you once again for joining us and spreading the word, telling all the good people. I'm gonna be doing a bunch of signings for Mangria coming up in Michigan, Illinois, New York, and Vegas as well. So go to Coral the drinks, check it out, find out where we're going to be. All right, Allison's got some news. There's also some news that Gary gave me before we get to the news, which is somebody did something with Gavin Newsom. I think it's a community college or something like that. He was doing some speaking. The guy got alone with him, chewed on his ear about coming over here. He did the answer, and Gary, you tell me what you know, right?

[Gary Haftard]

So a fan emailed us who's the superintendent at a college up in Northern California and said that Gavin was coming to speak at the school and asked Mike August, is there anything that we would like to ask Gavin Newsom? And August replied, there's only one question. Will he come back on the show? And then the reply here from our fan is, our fan, Kevin is. Gavin told me he would come back as a guest. He said he would love to. He and his assistant Kevin said they changed the freeway signs for Adam's schtick, their phrase about pull over. And never heard in response for doing this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, to be fair, I've been screaming about it everywhere for five years.

[Brian Bishop]

So we did talk about it. We got several tweets and talked about it when it happened. So finally something good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the problem is this Lieutenant Governor of California, who may be running for governor, I don't know. But I've often called Louisiana and California, if not the stupidest states and city in the country, the laziest. Just they don't give a shit. I think they have. I'm trying to think of what city and state have the most contempt for their people.

[Allison Rosen]

I'd be hard pressed to find one that has more than ours.

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell you this as anyone who's ever sort of just first off, just judging by the. Just the airport. If all you use is the airport as your city's place. You know what I mean? Like, I just flew into Seattle, I flew out of LA and I flew into Seattle. You leave la, you get a lot of grunts and hard stares and a lot of nothing. And you go into Seattle and you get, hey, how you doing? And come back again, enjoy your stay. And it's all that. I see that all over the country. Louisiana, you get zero of that. If that was one yardstick to measure a city and its contempt for its citizens.

[Brian Bishop]

How about this? Two major cities in the same state that are farther apart in terms of intelligence. You got la, which have established now, but also the Bay Area, San Francisco, it's all engineers and Silicon Valley types. I wonder if such a dichotomy exists.

[Adam Carolla]

Louisiana and California, Some of the highest taxes in the country, least bang for your buck. And again, traffic. The greatest inconvenience to anyone who lives in California, especially Los Angeles or the Bay Area, wherever people congregate within the state of California. And in terms of just general quality of life, sitting in your car, bumper to bumper, like, literally, whether you're rich or poor, young or old, this sucks. I mean, this is one thing we can agree on. It's one thing that they do. It's the biggest problem that they don't address at all. And they never discuss it. And these freeway signs and not putting. If it steers, it clears on there. I chewed on Gavin's ear about it for a long time, but then I chewed on the mayor, Eric Garcetti, Is it Aaron? Yeah, yeah. Keep thinking of his father. I chewed on Garcetti's ear about it and he said he would do something. And then something changed. Now you go, well, things take a while to change. This is the part that drove me insane. It takes no time to change because it's just a fucking computer that's hooked up to all these boards. It's like saying, well, if you want to change something up on the Jumbotron, you got to tell the guy runs a scoreboard months in advance. Like, no, you don't. If there's an Amber Alert, that's why we have it.

[Brian Bishop]

And not a hand changeable sign.

[Adam Carolla]

They can just fucking. If it's an Amber alert, they can put the Amber alert on there and say the guy's driving the fucking beige Camry 10 minutes after they get the information. And it's probably not even that long, so go home tonight and do it, dicks. So this was months away from Gavin Newsom.

[Brian Bishop]

Plus, the where's our credit angle Is like the kid that doesn't clean up his room and finally does after you ask him 20 times, yeah, you're gonna say anything. Clean up the room.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, in fucking Bozeman, Montana, they fucking have this. And all over the country, they have this. We're the only dumbos with the worst traffic on the planet that didn't implement this very simple free idea. We're staying the course with the click of the ticket. So we're the fucking retarded city that has contempt for its citizens. That would not do this. Now we did it. And they want what, a fucking edible arrangeable.

[Gary Haftard]

The email continues, you know, kind of rehashing, but there's a little bit more here. It was very interesting because both Gavin and his assistant Kevin said that they did the freeway sign thing like Adam did in his shtick. They both kept using that term, and then they said they never heard anything back from the show afterwards. I was semi alone with them, so I didn't think they were putting me on for an audience since there wasn't anyone there who would have cared about this stuff. Gavin also told me how worked up Adam was after the show. And Adam immediately left the studio and drove away because he was so worked up.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's just what he does.

[Gary Haftard]

I even spoke with Kevin.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's just what I do.

[Gary Haftard]

Handler or assistant for a while, and he said that Gavin has a sense of humor about the whole episode.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, look, I would love to get Gavin Newsom back on the show. Do not hold your breath, because if I know politicians, they'd always do that. That would be fantastic.

[Brian Bishop]

I would love to. Means fuck off, right?

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't think he's a bad guy. I never thought he was a bad guy. Just think he's a politician and he understands who his constituency is and he wants to get elected.

[Brian Bishop]

You were so worked up, you ran out of the studio and left without saying goodbye to anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm out of here as fast As I can, every fucking single night. But I could see the perception of that. Cause you'd think I would hang around and.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that is how it seems.

[Adam Carolla]

Prep for the next show. All right, so we got that. Allison's got the news, and I gave her a news story at the top, but we can go into the news anyway. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you'll never guess what you handed me, Adam. It's this. I'm waiting in a paper published online Monday in the Public Library of Science Medicine Journal.

[Adam Carolla]

We talked about this yesterday quite a bit. That's why this is from 08, by the way. I'll bet you it's gotten worse or better.

[Allison Rosen]

But anyway, Monday, 08. Yes, this has to do with the cost of keeping people alive and smoking and obesity. Dutch researchers found that the health costs of thin and healthy people in adulthood are more expensive than those of either fat people or smokers. The researchers found that from age 20 to 56, obese people racked up the most expensive health costs. But because both the smokers and the obese people died sooner than the healthy group, it cost less to treat them in the long run. On average, healthy people lived 84 years, smokers lived about 77 years, and obese people lived about 80 years. Smokers and obese people tended to have more heart disease than the healthy people. Obese people had the most diabetes, and healthy people had the most strokes. Ultimately, the thin and healthy group cost the most, about 417,000 from age 20 on.

[Adam Carolla]

The thin and healthy group cost the most from age 20 on, but not from age 20 to 54. It's after the smokers and fatty dies.

[Allison Rosen]

The cost of care for obese people was 371,000, and for smokers, about 326,000.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so they're the cheapest, but yet a steady diet of the reason a pack of cigarettes needs to go up to $8 is to offset the healthcare costs that these people are taking on society. We just sat around while everyone just lied all through sort of the 80s and 90s, and we just sat. Everyone just sat around. And all I'm saying is this people, folks who would like you to do something or to perhaps have you not do something, will tell you lies to get you to either do it or not do it. They will Lie. Just like they lied about secondhand smoke. Just like they lied about this. And then you sit around and you go, well, I guess if these people are costing us so much more money, it only seems fair to add a dollar to the price of the pack of cigarettes in order to offset the cost of. They're lying and they have lied. They've traditionally lied. Look, the people, the doctors that the smokers hired said nicotine wasn't addictive. They lied. People lie. They lie. Depending on what the agenda is.

[Brian Bishop]

Skin of the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. In this one case, it was RJ Reynolds not wanting to get sued. In another case it was Rob Reiner wanting more money for schools. Either way, they both lied.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Where did that extra cigarette money go?

[Adam Carolla]

It never goes. It never goes. It goes where the fucking lottery money goes. Yeah. It never goes anywhere. But people lie. And the reason I bring this up is for this reason one is your kind of common sense will tell you, kind of guide you toward the truth most of the time. Like, how are you saying these people are dying 10 years earlier? There's also something in the back of that article that talks about lung cancer being a swifter. If all your talk is about lung cancer and that's the swiftest form of cancer and these people are all going 10 years early, why is it costing so much more than the guy who rides it out? And there's a little part in there, I believe, about things like Alzheimer's and lung cancer and stuff like that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. So an economist at the National Institute for Public Health and the Environment in the Netherlands who led the study said lung cancer is a cheap disease to treat because people don't survive very long, but if they are old enough to get Alzheimer's one day, they may survive longer and cost more.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, there it is. And all I'm saying is this. People have an agenda. They fuck around with the numbers and stretch things around and push things around so that they can achieve their agenda. Nobody ever really questions it because if somebody says secondhand smoke's firsthand killer or this many people die of cigarette smokers cost the society so much money, or AIDS is an equal opportunity killer, or one in three women will be raped by her third birthday or whatever the fuck it is.

[Allison Rosen]

All the steroid stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And all the fucking crazy steroids. Lyle Alzado died of steroids. Well, really, huh? Were you juicing, Brian?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, a little bit. No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Lyle Alzado claimed the steroids causes brain tumor.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. We all. Now. So what it is, we Say, oh, we don't. We're against rape and we're against AIDS and we're against steroids, and we're against tumors and we're against smoke. So no one wants to pipe up and go, hold on, that doesn't sound accurate. So everyone just goes, oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Right, right. Hey, it's bad, bad, bad. And now you have a lie, okay? So then you go, well, what's wrong with a lie? You don't want people to smoke. That's a good lie, right? Well, that's what they did with drugs. And they do, like, one little snort of cocaine and you turn into a mad person and try to jump through a plate glass window, and then you take a little cocaine and you go, huh, I feel better.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's. The question isn't. I mean, the question is, what's wrong with a lie? But a lie is not okay. Not from authorities that are supposed to be telling you the truth. Well, not when you go, having grown up, being told lies like, this is a real. A real hot issue for me. It is not okay to lie to people. Let the truth speak for you. Because if. Because then what you get is someone who just says, fuck it. I can't trust anything that you're telling me.

[Adam Carolla]

And not only that, Allison was told she was a boy until she was 17.

[Allison Rosen]

Where's my penis?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Got that point.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't believe it's tucked up inside.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. That could be a good thing if you got that kind of range. Also, when you start getting the scientists involved now, you got a real conspiracy going because you have people with advanced degrees that are fudging numbers on your behalf. And that's when it gets scary. Also, I do believe. Here's the problem. They happen in the past. They happen in the not so distant past, and they're happening now and in the future. And that's what causes a lot of discussion. Well, scientists say, well, and then no one believes scientists anymore. Scientists are sort of becoming politicians. People aren't buying it anymore. I'm just saying your gut will usually tell you what's right. And so I'm glad that that was confirmed.

[Allison Rosen]

We've read the fine print.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so let's start eating and smoking, everybody. That's the lesson I got out of that.

[Brian Bishop]

Kai, Devil's Advocate to just that last point in the story, which was, it would seem. Remember, they compared the cost of dying of lung cancer to the cost of dying of, say, Alzheimer's. But something Alzheimer's. We don't know what causes it. We don't know how to prevent it. It's a fixed cost. There will always be a certain number of people who get Alzheimer's, and we can't ever do anything about that, unfortunately. But the lung cancer thing, if we get people to stop smoking is that's a totally preventable or largely preventable disease.

[Adam Carolla]

Whereas. But we don't want them to stop smoking because then they're gonna get older. Even if they don't get Alzheimer's standpoint, they're gonna keep going. Yeah. Eat up, smoke up, Eat up and smoke up. All right, let's do some news.

[Allison Rosen]

So remember we talked about Quentin Tarantino's script for Hateful Eight leaking, and he freaked because he gave it to only six people. Somehow it leaked online, and then he was so upset that he said that he's not gonna shoot it after all. He's just gonna release it as a book. Well, now he is suing Gawker, Gawker Media, for circulating the script. So Defamer, which is part of Gawker Media, it's a website, posted or put up a post titled, here is the leaked Quentin Tarantino Hateful Eight script. And this post had download links to the script. So now Tarantino is suing Gawker. And the lawsuit says, Gawker Media has made a business of predatory journalism, violating people's rights to make a buck. This time, they went too far. Rather than merely publishing a news story reporting that plaintiff's screenplay may have been circulating in Hollywood without his permission, Gawker Media crossed the journalistic line by promoting itself to the public as the first source to read the entire screenplay illegally. The complaint says that Gawker refused repeat demands to remove the links, including submissions of DMCA notices of copyright infringement. Gawker says that they haven't seen the lawsuit yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Quentin Tarantino is gonna make a great old crazy guy.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm already excited. He'll be a great coot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there is just some guys, you know, I guess there's guys like Phil Spector, who you had to know when he was 22. Like, you're like, oh, man, I can't wait to see your crazy ass in your 60s and 70s. It's gonna be awesome, you know, because the hair goes nuts, the frames go nuts on the glasses, sometimes facial hair, sometimes the coloring of the facial hair and the coloring of the hair. Whatever. Whatever it is. There's some guys I can't wait to see get old and absolutely insane because I know we're going to be delighted.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Dave's on that list. He's already kind of nuts. He's going to be a great old man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'd like to put that list together. Of guys are really going to be just good. Fucking crazy. I mean, what happens when Rihanna hits her 70s?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna be good, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Or Chris Brown, for that matter. Yeah, who else? Who else is gonna be a great. Because I feel like Quentin Tarantino kind of already has old man.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to shit on Chris Brown. But he's. He can move, Rowan. If you've seen him move, all's forgiven. But black don't really crack. I just. He might just be a nice. He'll put on some weight and he might be a nice. He might be nuts, though. I don't think the look is gonna be nuts, but he might go around slapping people that work in IHOPs and things like that. Like good stories like that. Because there's also the guys who can't control their physical impulses. Even though the world can now kick their ass. They still don't look at it that way.

[Brian Bishop]

They still think of themselves as 30.

[Adam Carolla]

Years old or ready to open a can of whoop ass on anybody.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, it's going to be great. Old lady Courtney Love.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's gonna be good. Yeah, it's gonna be. Let's hope she gets to be an old lady.

[Allison Rosen]

I was remembering your observation, which is so astute that what's his name from Jersey Shore, whose name is escaping me for a second situation. Paulie. How can I forget the situation? Right. The way he has old timey face.

[Brian Bishop]

He looks like Lampweck from Pinocchio. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I was thinking what is. Because he totally does. But what is that quality that gives someone anachronistic old timey face? It's like the ruddy cheeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think it's the way Pug knows. I think it's the way we used to draw people in those days. So it goes in your head as that's the way people looked. I think you could. I don't think. Obviously, I don't think people have changed physically that much in 80 years. But Nagle would draw people differently on Duran Duran album covers.

[Allison Rosen]

Two dimensional and a little bit neon. No, but I've seen pictures of my grandpa and my dad and his brother. Yeah. And they had that similar sort of. I mean, I think some of it was the way the photo was retouched.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I can tell you the answer, okay, some of it is wearing hats and jackets and period garb. The other, I'm convinced it's what they were thinking because 50 year old guys now are thinking about Snowboarding and banging 21 year olds and fucking thinking about music of bands you never even heard of because they're so new and shit like that. And guys back in the day, adult males were thinking like adult, adult grown up thoughts. They had thoughts that were like important.

[Allison Rosen]

Thoughts about they were gonna ship out or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Shipping out and raising a family or scotch, tilling some soil or where's some scotch? Yeah, where's my scotch? Where's my snifter? And there was a lot of, you can tell. Look, I've said a million times, whether you like it or not, gay guys eventually start to look gay just in their face. You go, okay, that guy, I can tell that guy looks gay. Or once in a while you fuck up, but you go, what's gay? What does their look? They look that way. And super straight guys might have another look. Angry guys definitely have a look. Racist guys have a look. Happy guys, I don't mean they smiling, I don't mean an expression. I just mean guys that are friendly. Some guys look soft, some guys look stern. Some guys, you can kind of tell where they're at by what kind of they're thinking. People walk around thinking dumb thoughts all day, start to look dumb. There's like, there's those beautiful women that aren't so beautiful because you can tell they're thinking about dumb things all day. There's the guys that are really compelling because they're not like, I don't know, Jack Black. Physically not great, but it looks like he always looks like he's thinking about something really smart or interesting, that kind of thing. There's also Jack Nicholson and guys like that. There's just something in their eyes, you know where it looks like, I think old timey guys were thinking old timey thoughts and now we're thinking about just fucking like stupid smartphones. Yeah, just we're thinking about, I'm gonna go home and go on ebay and look at some shit. And we're not thinking like adults anymore. And I think that's caused us to have, I work with guys. It's like 55 year old guys aren't 55 year old guys anymore. They dress, you know, they went to Banana Republic or Old Navy to get their flip flops and their cargo shorts. They're driving convertibles. They just, they don't look like stately guys. Anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

Two things. One, I wonder what a cartoon of all the guys you mentioned, like the, you know, gay guys begin to look gay. Straight guys have a certain look, angry guys have a certain look. If each guy had like a little thought bubble in a cartoon, if you could match that, what would be in that? Oh, sure, but I was just gonna say, what would be in that? I mean, are you picturing the gay guy with.

[Adam Carolla]

Like I say, the challenge is for you to connect the thought bubble to the face. The racist guy, the gay guy. Nobody could make an expression, you know, nobody could get, you know, angry guy couldn't be going, you know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Gay guy could be mincing.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Which I'm told is what happens sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

It's happened, we can't judge.

[Brian Bishop]

But it's a plain look on the face, plain look.

[Adam Carolla]

And you got to match it up. I also wanted to do a automotive ethnicity parking lot showdown where we just park five different cars in the parking lot of Costco and you gotta put black, Mexican, Asian, white, whatever on the windshield. And then like, you know, mark the car, go, two cars are off, and you grab the Japanese one and the white one and flip flop them. Nope, still too often. You just be running around.

[Brian Bishop]

You got two out of the five correct.

[Adam Carolla]

30 seconds, it's a hit.

[Allison Rosen]

And my second thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you had this experience where you meet someone and they seem really smart and on the ball and competent and then the more you get to know them, you realize they're a fucking idiot. Because that now this goes against what you're saying. Cuz they're not thinking smart thoughts and yet they manage to come off. Really. They fool you. The first couple, an old friend was like this and it just couldn't get over how really dumb she was when you get to know her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think if you go to enough parties where there's enough celebrities and you start talking to them, you've they, you've seen their action movies or you've seen them playing the professor or the, or the savant guy who you know was a math savant or something. Then you start talking to them and they're a little bit buzzed and they call you dude three times and then you realize, oh, the guy's just an idiot. There is a lot of that I've noticed.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, Pete Seeger died. Famed folk singer, activist. He was 94. Some of his hits, where have all the Flowers Gone? Turn, turn, turn.

[Brian Bishop]

Wasn't he up for a Grammy last night?

[Allison Rosen]

He had a hammer.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, he did it. Boy, was he the fucking voice of the 60s and all the folk songs.

[Allison Rosen]

His music career started in the late 30s.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. That's when you're 94. That's how it goes. 1830.

[Brian Bishop]

Late bloomer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See, if he'd been a smoker, he would have died in the 70s. We wouldn't be talking about it. Save us a ton of trouble, by the way. He was a delight. But if I had a hammer I'd hammer in the evening all over this land I'd hammer in morning no, no, no, he's going into justice and freedom and stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, oh, he'd hammer for freedom.

[Adam Carolla]

It must have been a great time to write a song because you just go, if I had a set of ice creams, I'd use them for freedom. I'd use them for equality. They'd be colorblind. They'd ring the bell of freedom. And everyone would go, wow, it's a hero, this guy. Like you just pick a tool.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I prefer Peter Paul Mary's version.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's where you get it. Love between my brothers and my sisters. Only if they're white. There's some original lyrics in there that people don't know about.

[Allison Rosen]

That's another verse, I guess. Did you listen to this?

[Adam Carolla]

I had some channel locks.

[Allison Rosen]

Was this played around you growing up?

[Adam Carolla]

My mom was, you know, fucking refugee from Billy Jack's camp.

[Brian Bishop]

So they check out the records from.

[Adam Carolla]

The library, non fucking stop with this bullshit. And it was like. It was fine, but. But it was a little. It was kind of the musical equivalent to the bumper sticker that says end war. You know, it's kind of like, all right, jack off. Like, hey, peace between my brother and my sister and all this kind of stuff. And it's like, that's great, hero, but you're just getting high and sitting home in your cabin. There's. Unfortunately, there's people running around out there. They're trying to blow us up and stuff like that. Like your answer is just for everyone. Just, you know, put down your gun and pick up a cowbell. You know, it's like, all right, except for it's not good for the people that are shooting at us.

[Allison Rosen]

That's not a real song, is it? I wish it were.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the sad part. I could write 11 of these songs in the next 22 minutes if I got high right now and somebody gave me a fucking steno pad. It's pretty, pretty straightforward stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Where do you guys come down on Puff the Magic Dragon? Because I can't hear it without tearing.

[Adam Carolla]

Up and frolicked in the Ottoman by Cop Out. When you make up a land that rhymes with the song that came before it. You know the words that came before it. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

There's no Hanne Lee.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know. But it's a land called. Like, I made it up. Because you couldn't find. These songs are so fucking boring that you have to start going, I bet they're singing about pot.

[Allison Rosen]

Is really sad.

[Kelly James]

Lived by the sea and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Hanalee. Little Jackie Paper loved that Jurascal Puff.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess the question is, do you not think you could write this song stuff? Puff the magic trice. Lived by the sea and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Hanalee. Now, what happened? He died. Or some loggers came in and skinned him or something for boots.

[Allison Rosen]

Dragon boots. That's also what happened to Pete's dragon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Pete's dragon. They would play. Wait a minute. Oh, they would have. They would have sealing wax and other fluff.

[Brian Bishop]

Stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Grows up at the end.

[Adam Carolla]

It's right up. It's right up there with children's books. Like, couldn't anyone shit one out? So what I'm saying is, we talked about Luca Susan Vega. I like that song a lot. And I don't sit around and go, oh, fuck, I could have written that song. I go, no, it's a really good song, but this. I go, oh, fuck, come on. And like, we talked about, you see Goodfellas. And you go, oh, come on. I could have written that script. No, you couldn't. But read these kids books. And you go, I could. I just don't give a shit. Most of these songs, you probably could have shit out yourself.

[Allison Rosen]

But dragons live forever and not so little boys. I mean, that's kind of poetic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, some of this stuff's a good five and a half. But nothing that you or anybody you know couldn't shit out.

[Brian Bishop]

Not nothing. Mind blowing.

[Adam Carolla]

I just yelled, put down your guns. Pick up your cowbells. You guys thought that was a real.

[Allison Rosen]

Song, but you're a musical genius.

[Adam Carolla]

I am a savant. All right, let's bring it home. Let's do one more.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Now, here's a story that I can't quite get through without laughing because it involves farting, but it's actually very sad. An opera singer who performed at the Nashville Opera Company is suing her doctor because earlier this. Earlier this month, she had surgery, and it caused her to lose control of her flatulence and, on occasion, bowel Movements. It was an episiotomy which she received during childbirth. So this is from the lawsuit. As a result of her incontinence and excessive flatulence, Herbst. That's her name, Amy Herbst has been unable to work as a professional opera singer. So she and her husband are seeking 2.5 million in damages.

[Adam Carolla]

It is one of those things where, like, somebody's going, look, I got a prom. I can't work because if I strain really hard, I might defecate or urinate or flatulate or both. And you do this thing where you're like, well, listen, sweetie, I want you to just step out of your cubicle and say you're going to blow butt. And then they go, I'm an opera singer. And you go, oh, fuck. Like, that is the one gig. This is not going to work for a strongman competition.

[Brian Bishop]

What are the chances of that?

[Adam Carolla]

That and the strongman competition. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Wagon Tires.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Those are the two gigs that are not going to work well with this. Although I would argue she could probably move more tickets if she mic'd up her ass.

[Brian Bishop]

Performance art.

[Adam Carolla]

He had that scene of Bugs Bunny, you know, where he was the conductor and he was gonna bring down. I think it was Elmer Fudd. Yeah. No, he had the opera. He had the big, stuffy opera singer.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, nobody stuffier than the opera community. According to cartoons of my youth, they.

[Brian Bishop]

Need to be taken down a peg.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was going, I think she's gonna do that. He was going to take down the stuffy maestro. Ah. What the. Where. Where's the. I'm spacing out on the big venue on the Highland over there. I'm sleep deprived.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the Hollywood Bowl.

[Adam Carolla]

Hollywood Bowl, Yeah. He was gonna hold that high note until the guys. He held it so long, he went.

[Brian Bishop]

Away and it was still there.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. That's right. And she would have farted at a certain point. I'm just saying, if you mic'd up her ass every time she hit that high note, you'd be like. You'd be running back in from the lobby. Right. If you went out, it would make.

[Allison Rosen]

Me interested in opera.

[Adam Carolla]

It would attract a whole new group.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. We don't have to watch old Bugs Bunny thing. You get the idea. Well, it is. You know, this is one of those. That's why doctors have to have insurance.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Lemons in a lemonade. You could make this work as a very alternative career.

[Adam Carolla]

Mic up the ass. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl. That was the news.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it. Kunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, yes, Squarespace. All in one platform. Makes it fast and easy to create your own pro website. Beautiful designs and styles, options to create a unique website for your business. Maybe you just want one. Well, you get one, you do one for your business. They're super simple, you can navigate it. But if you need a little help, they have an amazing support team 247 and they take care of you. Baby starts at just eight bucks a month, including a free domain name. And you can sign up for a year. That's right. If you sign up for a year, you get a free domain name. Get your free trial start today. No credit card required. Start building your website. Let's get moving, people. Use offer code Carolla1. That's Corolla. That's Corolla. And the number one, you get 10% off your first purchase. Show your support for the show Squarespace. Everything you need to create an exceptional website. All right, us coming to you, everybody. University of Buffalo and me coming to you tomorrow. Detroit Motor City Casino, doing a little bit of stand up, a bunch of Mangria events around you. Go check the calendar. And until next time, Time. Sam Corolla, Fraus and Rose and Embold. Brian. Oh, who else? We have David Wilde saying, mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

Where's my penis?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, this Adam Carla Show 1249. Coming up next, we have Adam Carla Show 1269 featuring Kelly James, Allison Rosen and Brian bishop, also from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

O'REILLY. Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Carolla Baldrain. You got the sound effects down.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone on earth wanted that deep cut from the hammer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You got the sound effects, Dan? A couple things. Had one of my wife's friends, Jody, who's a straight shooter, she's a very attractive blonde, which is, makes it easier to shoot straight because people don't go, shut the fuck up and give me another beer. They just go, okay, no, I respect that. I understand where you're coming from. Right. She's not mean about it. She's just one of these people that would go like more sort of an inquisitive way. Like I feel like I would want to do it this way, like kind of thing, but not in a ditzy way, just in a kind of attractive way. Yeah. And in a way where you go, okay, she's sincere, like she's comfortable. She, she watches Paul Newman documentary and she was like, you gotta do something with this thing. You know, it's Gotta be. And I said, listen, you know, that's, that's, that's not up to me. I make as good a movie as I can make. And then, you know, and then I said, look, I made the Hammer. Everyone liked the Hammer. It didn't do anything. I don't know how. And she's like, this is better. This is so much better.

[Allison Rosen]

And I was like, but this is actually good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I was like, hold on. Thanks. I think I said romantic comedies. I got all defensive, you know. Although she was saying my one thing was better. I don't know, it's like saying, you know, your one twin is so, so much better looking or something. You're kind of like, well, at least you got one good looking twin. What are you talking about? I was trying to explain to her, romantic comedies are like one of the hardest. Art forms are almost all bad because they're hard.

[Allison Rosen]

You're apologizing for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was saying. No, no, what I'm saying is you can't compare the two because it's really. Doing a documentary about Paul Newman means A, I'm doing a movie that stars Paul Newman whether he likes it or not. So I got Paul Newman and Robert Redford in this movie. My movie had me. You know what I'm saying? So that's number one. But number two, I don't know what the batting average on the average doc versus rom com is, but the average doc for me is 81% and the average rom com is 28%. Like on rotten Tomatoes. I do not see many docs that I don't like, and I don't see many rom coms that I do like. And I told her, there's a reason you have to write a script versus, hey, this already happened. And then B, you have to cast it right, and blah, blah, blah. And then I threw my cape over my shoulder and stormed out of the room.

[Brian Bishop]

Plus, the it already happened thing, people don't choose to make documentaries generally out of boring subjects. Usually documentaries born out of. That's a great story. Someone's gotta make a movie about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And, you know, it's like I say, when something good comes along, like Senna for instance, was a great documentary, but. And everyone goes. And again, I sound like my mom here, but they go, oh, it's a great documentary. And I go, you'd have to work really hard to fuck that up because this guy was great looking. He'd won his, I don't know, third F1 World Championship. There's all this footage of him going through the streets of Brazil and parties and he's dating Shushu, the hot blonde with the kids show. Sending this super confusing message to eight year old Brazilians. I don't know what her name was. Shusha. Shushi.

[Allison Rosen]

I want it to be Shushu.

[Adam Carolla]

It should be we'll find her.

[Allison Rosen]

Or Shusheen. All of them are good names.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, they talk about other countries where they drink earlier. I think they do everything earlier, right? They get into ass earlier because like when we do a kid show, it's like, hey, let's get a fat guy and put him in a purple dinosuit dinosaur outfit. Yeah, right.

[Allison Rosen]

Captain Kangaroo.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. There's. Yeah, there's a Dr. Fingerheimer from Wonderama or whatever. They're just like, hey, you know that super hot blonde who sells beer? Put her in some shorts and have her do a kid's show. And they're like, oh yeah, everyone likes super hot blondes and tight shorts. Or if they don't, now they're gonna.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, kids like breasts.

[Adam Carolla]

They grow up liking breasts. Their parents finally something they can agree on, finally show dad can watch too, so. And then he dies. And in between there's a stuffy Frenchman who's also vying for number one, who's arguing with him. And they have all the.

[Brian Bishop]

The story writes itself.

[Adam Carolla]

They have all the footage. They have all the footage. So it's like it's a great doc that you have to work hard to fuck up.

[Brian Bishop]

His life was documented on film and he was young and good looking when he died.

[Adam Carolla]

International celebrity, right? Now, the part where you have amnesia and every date out of the 50 dates you think is your first date, you gotta write that movie. You gotta work pretty hard to make that one work. And oftentimes it doesn't. It's a hit. I. So apropos of really nothing, but it reminds me when we were doing a few lyrics from Motoring Little. Yeah. Is there a song? I just came up with a new category. You guys can tweet me this when you get it. A song that for me, motoring is in my top three. Sister Christian, is there a song that you would not change under any circumstances and turn up if you got in your car and it was playing, versus how fast would you change it if someone was climbing into your car and you pulled up in front of their house? Or how fast would you turn it down?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, the guilty pleasure song.

[Adam Carolla]

Sister Christian.

[Allison Rosen]

Just a girl. No doubt.

[Adam Carolla]

For the. I don't feel like you'd be judged as. Yeah, There'd be some judgment going on, but not as much as I think, Sister Christian. I'm trying to think. And maybe it's become. And maybe because of Boogie Nights or something and Edward Molina or something, Alfred Molina, it's become a novelty. But give me.

[David Wild]

Um.

[Adam Carolla]

Bot would probably be up there for.

[Allison Rosen]

Me, but the Alvin and the Chipmunks.

[Adam Carolla]

Theme song, when you got in your car, there's no fucking way you would change it. If you just got in and turned the ignition on, and that's a song that was playing, there's no way you would change it. You would turn it up. And then if you're picking up a buddy, you would definitely turn it down.

[Brian Bishop]

I have a whole playlist of songs like this. They're called. They're called Tool Tunes, and they include Baby Baby by Amy Grant.

[Adam Carolla]

They include Every Heartbeat by Amy Grant. You get the idea of the kinds.

[Brian Bishop]

Of songs, but these are enjoyable songs. I can very much sing along to in the car, but would not want to be caught singing along through in the car.

[Allison Rosen]

What else is on your list?

[Adam Carolla]

Every Heartbeat. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Rome by the B52s. Saturday night with the Bay City Rollers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's how I learned to spell Saturday.

[Brian Bishop]

These are fun songs.

[Adam Carolla]

Even now, when I'm writing, like, Saturday night, I yell night, but I'm like, I could have started.

[Brian Bishop]

We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a crowd. No, no. I was with you on the first five.

[David Wild]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I would just.

[Allison Rosen]

I would turn that one off quickly when I got in the car.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's a lot of good stuff on here now.

[Adam Carolla]

How did you get that?

[Brian Bishop]

Which?

[Adam Carolla]

Your playlist.

[Brian Bishop]

I have a bunch of songs I've downloaded over the years that I'm embarrassed to. Not embarrassed to have, but would not want to be caught singing, but enjoy listening to and assemble them onto a list called Tool Tunes. Tunes for Tools, which I feel like one when I listen to said tunes.

[Adam Carolla]

But you have. I've had stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Rhythm of the Night by debarz is.

[Adam Carolla]

Top of the list. Oh, yeah. Cool it now should be on there as well.

[Allison Rosen]

Free to be you and me for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I found that you should give it a title like Economic Lecture at USC or something like that. I've done things in the past where I've had photos or videos or something where I just give it a super boring title so I know no one will get into it.

[Allison Rosen]

I've hidden stuff from myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

When my sister and I were moving, one of us had a pipe and we put it in a box, and we wrote glass bowl on the outside. And we thought we were so clever, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Until.

[Allison Rosen]

Until years later we opened it. Looking for. I was looking for an actual, like, crystal bowl and found it.

[Adam Carolla]

There's one thing. It's a very good example of us overestimating ourselves. And I could probably do a whole show on this. But we as a society and as individuals way overestimate our abilities to do shit. A lot. Like, a lot. And I've done a ton of that. Well, I don't do it anymore because I do the. I'm gonna set this thing up here out of the reach of the kids where they won't be able to see it, and then I fucking can't find it three days later. When I was a kid, I, oh, I'm gonna bury some treasure in the backyard. Never fucking found again. Anything you had.

[Allison Rosen]

Treasure.

[Adam Carolla]

Anything.

[Brian Bishop]

It was the end of a bread loaf.

[Adam Carolla]

It was one zot and a teardrop. That was treasure to the ace man when he was 7. Most things that you attempt to relabel, confuse, or hide from other people, you also relabel, confuse, and hide from yourself.

[Allison Rosen]

Ultimately, I've only recently started jotting down my various email passwords on a pad of paper, which I know you're not supposed to do, but. Because I would do that thing where I would forget my password, so I would change it, and I would think, I'm gonna remember this in three hours. And it was already gone.

[Adam Carolla]

I have everything on a laminated thing and I write it. Well, actually, I don't have my wallet. I have. I have my PIN number on the back of my card. On the, on the. I would. I would write everything on the back of everything if I could. I don't. I don't like the hassle. I don't feel like I ever get ripped off. And it's a. It's a bigger hassle just that everything has a fucking code and a pin.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you have to write room numbers on. On. On hotel keys? Because that would freak me out if I left it somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

No, what I. What I do, What I. What I've realized in life is your muscle memory is great. Patterns are great. And when you start fucking with it or you never establish them, then life is very confusing and difficult. And it started when they started doing the key cards versus the keys with the room number written on it. I started immediately realizing because of my schedule, you know, you take what we did last weekend, blew into Vegas, went down to Gillies, signed a whole bunch of bottles of Mangria. Ran up to my room as fast as I could, threw my shit down, slapped some water on my face and a little hair goo, and ran back down. And we did the show, signed some more bottles, had some Mangria, talked to some of my friends. I would have never found my room again if I didn't take the little piece of cardboard. For me, it's key. It's cardboard. It's right rear pocket. It's the same thing. My wallet is in the same place. My keys are in the same. Everything is just in the same place. And if they're not there, something happened and there's no. It's all muscle memory. There's no going after anything. It's when you pack, when you do anything, just rhythm, rhythm, rhythm, turn everything. You know, it's basically. It's a golf game. You have the same golf swing, you keep your head in the same position. You know, when you're driving out of a sand trap, you have one form. When you're out on the fairway, you have another form, but it's just tight form. Same thing. Then you die. It's a good life. Oh, my God, it's exciting. It's a good life. And, yes, now, the problem with this is when people do what I call putting their sombrero on my keys, which is, I know where my keys are all the time. But I cannot prevent you from coming in and putting your sombrero on top of my keys, in which case I get fucked up. All right, we got some phone calls, talking to Dr. Drew. We're gonna do a little Mr. Bright side, make you feel a little bit better about yourself. Do I have an intro ball, Bryan? Yeah. Kelly James is coming in, bringing his guitar. Always good to speak to that man. Great performer. All right, Intro life got you down? Can't catch a break. Thinking about ending it all. Well, don't let Adam turn your frown upside down. It's time for Mr. Brightside. I would argue, by the way, when we're talking about your Tool Time, Tool Tunes, Tool Dunes.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, I was just thinking about the Eric Carmen suite. Hungry Eyes, All By Myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Every time they come up with the Rolling stone, you know, 10 worst songs of the last hundred years or 100 worst songs, MacArthur park gets put on there. And I would argue that that song is not only is it not bad, it is fucking awesome. And it's way over the top, and it has, like, five gears to it. It's insane that it's super pretentious. I think Richard Burton sings it. It's supposed to be what it is. They're missing the point. On that song, you're supposed to take songs that are supposed to be good and yet suck. Like, you know, U2 has, like, five songs that are supposed to be good, but they really suck. And I could. Bruce Springsteen has five songs are supposed to be good that really suck, but MacArthur park, it always gets picked for everyone's shittiest song, and it's. It's nowhere near it.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think I even know that song.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's. Is it Richard Burton? We'll figure it out. We'll find. You know, someone left the cake out in the rain, and then it changes gears and goes all groovy on you. You know what I'm talking about?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think I know it either. I'm sorry. We're gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit. Donna Summer did Donna Summer did MacArthur Park.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm excited to be acquainted with it, y'.

[Gary Haftard]

All.

[Brian Bishop]

Richard Harris.

[Adam Carolla]

Richard Harris. Sorry, you'll have to know MacArthur Park. It's gonna take a while, people. You'll probably remember the Donna Summer version of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Do that one instead if you want.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Scream was never waiting for us.

[Allison Rosen]

Girl, I like already. Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know this? Yeah. I mean, it's way over the top, but that's what it's supposed to be. It's like saying, oh, the Batmobile is a ridiculous form of transportation. You know? It's like. No, it's what it is. Turn it up. Can you hear Donna Summer singing this? You don't have to look for it, but.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know. I know the tune.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, it's going to kick in a minute, so buckle up, kids. Now, the real question is, are they taking themselves seriously or are they not? My answer is, I don't care.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I don't think they are.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't matter to me.

[Allison Rosen]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's more interesting than anything whole notes has ever done.

[Brian Bishop]

Imagine if you're the A and R guy in the 70s, listening to this, sweating, updating your resume.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're in minute number seven. Oh, my God.

[Kelly James]

This park is melting in the dark. All the sweet green ice flowing down.

[Caller]

Someone left the.

[Adam Carolla]

Just a score alone. Come on, it ain't over. That's my long shot. No.

[Allison Rosen]

Is her vagina the cake?

[Adam Carolla]

Trying to think. I take it at completely face value. I think the guy just went to the park. All right, now crank it up here. It's going, baby.

[Brian Bishop]

No one's ever said crank it up at the song.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you think it's over. No, it's back when. Like Funeral for a Friend. It's like when they'd write two songs and just.

[Brian Bishop]

There have been movements within songs.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You can't put this on your hundred worst songs. It's just. It's. It's too all over the place.

[Allison Rosen]

I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're gonna like it even more. Just short 14 minutes from now. Scant 14 minutes from now.

[Brian Bishop]

Would this be on your tool tunes?

[Adam Carolla]

See, this song is so ironic and so bizarre and so of the moment. It's so 60s that I wouldn't apologize for this one. It's like, look, it's like somebody seeing you watching an episode of the Monkeys or something and going, oh, what are you watching that dribble for? And you're like, ah. Captures 1969 perfectly in a memory glass with wax melted over it.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what could go on? Tooltoons, Divinoals, I touch myself. I wouldn't want to be seen listening to that. And Adam, I was thinking you probably put I am woman on your list.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. She's taking a little longer to get to the bridge than I thought. But they would. They would play this in full on the radio.

[Allison Rosen]

If this was porn, when you fast forward, I'd be looking find where it kicks in.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. But I would not like myself during my refractory period. You know what I mean? We're all better for the watching the whole porn. This is the. This is the foreplay. This is the melodic foreplay of life. Oh, oh, here it is. I told you.

[Brian Bishop]

Four minutes in.

[David Wild]

It.

[Adam Carolla]

Could play it on the radio.

[Brian Bishop]

Five minutes in.

[Adam Carolla]

See, to me, it's like, don't you want me, baby? Has no craftsmanship or artisanship in it. And this is a. This. This is 50 guys who can play who've mastered their instruments.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they just jam out for two minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, no. Richard's coming back. I hope he's dancing wherever he is in an urn. We should get Bungalow sue to sing this one.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's be good for riffing this 2 1/2 minute section here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's all coming around.

[Allison Rosen]

Richard Harris starting Camelot. That's why I know that name.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

And that voice.

[Adam Carolla]

It's big Broadway guy. Come on. This should be on the top 100 list, not the bottom.

[Brian Bishop]

Bring it home.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen to this. That's Chops kids playing to the negro balcony in the back back.

[Allison Rosen]

You'll never have the recipe again.

[Adam Carolla]

Here it comes.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, poor rich bank. You have to hit this note.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Oh, come on.

[Allison Rosen]

Stirring.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. It's such a cop out when everyone just puts that on their bottom 10 or bottom 100 list.

[Caller]

Oh, that was that.

[Adam Carolla]

That was that. That was. Go to meeting, baby. Oh, man. You and the ghost of Richard Harris got to get together, man. What are you gonna do?

[Brian Bishop]

It's gotta be tough.

[Adam Carolla]

He's singing MacArthur park in the rainbow. In hell.

[Brian Bishop]

It rains hell.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it evaporates, obviously, almost immediately.

[Brian Bishop]

It's steam.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a moist heat. That's what's so painful. They never talk about that.

[Brian Bishop]

No, if it was a dry heat, it'd be tolerable. It'd be bad. It'd be tolerable.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't talk about it. You always see the rivers of lava and fire and everything, but that's a dry heat. Hell has to be more like Tampa in July. Swampy, you know? Swampy.

[Allison Rosen]

Just.

[Adam Carolla]

You're constantly talking bells above, like dabbing your forehead and your neck, you know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Than slapping a bug off your head.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Where were we? Yeah. Gotomeeting, baby. You can share the screen. You can work on documents together. You can work on those projects in real time. Use your webcam and you sign up for GoToMeeting and you do it for free. That's right. You save time, you save money, and you try it for free. GoToMeeting today. How do you do it? Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the try it free button. Use the promo code ADAM. That's GoToMeeting.com promo code ADAM. Meeting is believing. All right, little bright side.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyone hear the intro again?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, did we hear it? My mind was. My palate was cleansed cosmically by MacArthur Park.

[Brian Bishop]

It washed it all away.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. All right, let's just hop to the top and work our way down. Tyson, 25, Washington.

[Caller]

How's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Good. What's going on, man?

[Caller]

Not much. I'm just a 25 year old single guy. Haven't had a girlfriend in about four years. I worked two jobs. Broke. Just need to be cheered up today.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Okay. Well, you're 25. I'm gonna go back to 25 and tell you I was broke. I didn't have a girlfriend, but I didn't have a 42 inch flat panel television. I didn't have a cell phone. I didn't have a thing the size of a pack of cigarettes that I could talk to my friends with, look at pornography on. And that held 7,000 songs or MacArthur park just once. And that. And part of Stairway to Heaven, the Devices. I was watching, I don't know, it was John Stossel or something the other night. And he basically said. And they just did this graphic where they went, like, in 1951 or whatever, they showed a picture of a vacuum cleaner. And they said the average worker had to work a week to get this item, you know, or 30 hours or whatever it is to get a vacuum cleaner. And now the average worker works six hours to get the same thing. And they're talking about $9, $10 an hour, whatever. The point is you can. How big is your TV set, Tyson?

[Caller]

32 inches, right?

[Adam Carolla]

My TV used to be deeper than it was wide. It was 4ft deep and had a 13 inch screen.

[Brian Bishop]

But it was like 3D because you couldn't put it against the wall.

[Adam Carolla]

I sat on it and used a mirror to watch it. Everything was upside down. So you have. And you have your iPhone, right?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Just your access to pornography alone. Jesus Christ.

[Caller]

Okay, the golden age.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

We're in a good time.

[Adam Carolla]

And what are you driving?

[Caller]

97 Accord, right?

[Adam Carolla]

When I was 25, 97 wasn't invented yet, son. I was driving 77 cords, literally. Levi's from 10 years ago. All right, so you're doing fine for yourself now, as far as getting the girlfriend part, that's not a bad thing because you go on the computer and you sign up for all those dating services or whatever and you banging a new chick every weekend.

[Caller]

Yeah, it takes work. I mean, I work two jobs. It's a lot of effort.

[Adam Carolla]

What are your two jobs?

[Caller]

I'm a dishwasher and I also work at a radio station. I'm a grunt at a radio station.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do we even have dishwashers anymore? Or do we just have guys who rinse dishes and put them into a dishwasher? Is that what you do?

[Caller]

Yes, that's exactly what I do.

[Kelly James]

Uh huh.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you ever eat anything off the plate after it's been bused?

[Caller]

We'll just say no. I have friends who listen, so we'll just say no.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think, I think, I think there's a great distinction between biting into a hamburger that's half eaten and then getting the unmolested third of the club sandwich. It still has a toothpick in it.

[Allison Rosen]

He works at a sushi restaurant.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. But still. Oh, did you say that or does it just say it up on the screen?

[Caller]

I might have said it. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Oh, sushi's the perfect. Cause you just get whole pieces, like if some. Well, actually hold on.

[Brian Bishop]

Some might argue that it's better fresh.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. But he's not busing the next day. He's busing that night, I would guess. No. This is diabolical because it's like this. Although I'm assuming you take them home. Nobody takes half a bite of sushi.

[Allison Rosen]

True.

[Adam Carolla]

You either go full sush or nago on the sushettino.

[Allison Rosen]

And if you are the kind of person who takes half a bite, you have a boyfriend who will shame you and tell you that you're offending the chef by doing that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Allison Rosen]

Two boyfriends ago, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

And everyone always over orders. And oftentimes there's just three or four pieces. It's not a big enough commitment to take home. And sushi's not the kind of thing you want to have for breakfast the following day. So what's coming by you on that plate that's getting bust is either zero or full pieces of sushi. Three and four at a time. Either way, that's straight down your gullet. That's right down the gullet.

[Brian Bishop]

Poor man's buffet.

[Adam Carolla]

You go full pelican on that, man. Full pelican. This kid. This kid's got life by the fucking tail. I don't know what he's calling me for. Scott.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

30, Minnesota.

[Caller]

Get it all, ace man.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on. Scotty, what's happening?

[Caller]

Well, a little over a year and a half ago, I found out my wife was cheating on me. My wife, who I had a 8 year old son with, the subsequent divorce, took all my money except for my house. Sorry, Ray.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Ray doesn't have a house.

[Caller]

And then the girl I was dating for six months recently dumped me. Right before. Thanks. Valentine's.

[Adam Carolla]

What was her reason for dumping you?

[Caller]

I never got a specific reason.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, she never did.

[Caller]

It was just a general dumping.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Like dying of natural causes.

[Caller]

Yeah, when you're 30.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But I mean, no specific, you know, he had a. Whatever. He had pancreatic cancer.

[Brian Bishop]

Died of a broken heart.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, yeah.

[Caller]

No specifics.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So now you're single.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a house?

[Caller]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

You're in Minnesota. I'll tell you, man, Minneapolis, St. Paul. I don't know how close you are to that area. That's a great area.

[Brian Bishop]

It is. I enjoy the weekend we spent there. The couple days there it is.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, people always talk about Seattle and San Francisco and Manhattan and Miami, whatever. Minneapolis, St. Paul, that's a happening town for music and clubs. We went there, sold out a couple shows. Great beer, great eats.

[Allison Rosen]

It's cute.

[Adam Carolla]

Me and Mike August sat with a guy and ate Polish food at 9:15 in the morning. Mike ate $80 worth of Polish food at 9:15 in the Morning. Great conversation and it's a bustling town. It feels like a lot of young, good looking people running around there. That's a pretty good town to meet some quality trim in, you know?

[Caller]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree and I must say this, thank you. I don't know, I'd like you guys to weigh in on this. The single momma with the eight year old is considered baggage. The single dad with the 8 year old is Courtship of Eddie's father material. You're Bill Bixby. You are.

[Allison Rosen]

You've got a short conversation topic right.

[Adam Carolla]

Next to you who they want to just jump in. And I mean it's not quite walking through the park with a puppy, but it's not bad.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think it's them. I don't think it's, it's a negative, honestly, because it's like you've been approved. You're verified and you're approved and you're.

[Adam Carolla]

Single and you're safe. You're safe. Half of women's shit is, are you? Am I safe? Can I trust you? Am I gonna get in your car and go to your house with you and shut the door and lock it behind you and be in your home with you? If you have an eight year old girl, it's done.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that and it's also a nice built in excuse not to get into a relationship which is like, oh, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Would love to full time dad.

[Brian Bishop]

Little Jamie here, I can't be bringing around.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to do that. I used to work date the eight year old girl angle and then when I shut the door and start laughing maniacally, she'd yell, but you're, you have an eight year old every. I abducted her first. Then I came to the bar. Baby, now put some lotion in the basket. So I am trying to think if a, if a woman, let's just say a woman is a eight and she has, confusingly enough, she has an eight year old girl or boy, does it knock her down to a six, six and a half in the open market world has the kid, you know, a youngish.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. You're looking at me, but I feel like you guys are the ones who hand out the numbers.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, I think if, you know, some guys don't care, it's a level of, I think all guys would kind of wish that the person was Just sort of free and clear. Because it's not just the 8 year old that's ex whoever coming around with the pickup truck on the weekend and argument on the porch that ensues and so on and so forth. There's that baggage feeling also.

[Brian Bishop]

Depends, I think, on your station Life. If you're 25 or whatever it is, maybe that's not the greatest thing. But if you're 35 and maybe it's time for a family, maybe that's affect the number at all.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're a dude and you're an eight, I think you get to remain an eight.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like you might become a nine.

[Brian Bishop]

You might.

[Adam Carolla]

You might. You might. I don't. I'm not going to argue that. It bumps you up a point. Maybe you go an 8. 3. I'm not sure what the Russian judge is giving you for the kid, but it's not. It's not hurting you. Hey, Scott.

[Gary Haftard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. You live in a happening town, you got your own house, and your daughter's not holding your penis back unless she's physically doing it.

[Caller]

Son. But yeah, son, and he's not either, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, there you go.

[Caller]

Would you. So how would you employ him to pick up the said ladies? I mean, would you actually employ him? I'm out in the grocery store. Send him over.

[Adam Carolla]

I wouldn't put him in the basket. That's creepy. He's too big for that. I would have him run around with a box of Chex cereal and run up to me and call me Papa.

[Brian Bishop]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

And he'd say, may I have this box? He'd be real proper. And like I said, he called me papa. And he'd show me a thing and then. And I'd call him a scamp. And I'd rub the top of his head, mess his hair up a little bit. And then he'd go running off. And that's how I would have the conversation with the chick in the dairy section. I hang out in the dairy section. Bigger titties. Oh, look it up. Look it up.

[Allison Rosen]

It's so cold, though.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not doubting you. Look it up. Look it up. I'm not making it up. Look it up. You can look it up. Google that shit. Kurt. Yes, 22.

[Caller]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Arcadia.

[Caller]

Arcata with a T. Oh, Arcata.

[Brian Bishop]

It's way up north.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Oh, okay. That's why it says near Eureka.

[Caller]

It's in Humboldt. Humboldt County.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. How's it going over there, man?

[Caller]

It's doing all right. I got a really stressful week going. I got so much crap due for school. And this weekend I just found out that my girlfriend, two and a half years, was fucking some guy and lied about it consistently and made a whole elaborate network of lies to cover her tracks and keep me around.

[Adam Carolla]

So now, how did you find out and how long has this been going on?

[Caller]

It's been going on for probably when she. She was working the summer job somewhere in Santa Rosa or something. And I think she was consistently doing it the whole time. And then I guess she did a little bit more over winter break. What was the other question?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how long? See, that's what living in Humboldt does.

[Brian Bishop]

At least you knew. There's a second question.

[Allison Rosen]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

You've been dating her for how long?

[Caller]

Two and a half years.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, this is godsend for you. It is. I mean it. All right, hold on. I'll tell you why. When you're young. Ish. And you date your first couple of girlfriends, boyfriends, you don't know how to break up, and you don't know when to break up. It's just, this is my girlfriend, this is my boyfriend. We are together and breaking up, it seems weird and impossible. At a certain point, you get good at it, start to look forward to it. At a certain point, you master it.

[Allison Rosen]

You become the muscle that you want to work out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you become like Jack Nicholson or Clooney or something like that. There's a technique there, black belt. But at the beginning, you just don't really. You're like. And so you end up staying in these relationships way longer than you should. And at 22, you're supposed to kind of be out there sampling the Whitman's box of punani.

[Brian Bishop]

Did not see that going that way.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, they offer it around the holidays.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Mm. Valentine's Day.

[Brian Bishop]

Look for the gold ribbon.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. Watch out for the half eaten one. Although I always get to them eventually. You really want. I mean, it's what you'd want for your children. You'd go, you'd want to date this person for a little while, then you want to date that person. And then when it comes to settling down, getting married, you go, okay, I have sampled other people, and now I know what I want. What I want. And the hardest part is breaking up with somebody, knowing whether to break up with someone, having that weird gnawing feeling where it's like, I don't really want to be with this person, but I don't have a good reason not to be with this person. And there's nobody else out there. And so eight months goes by, and you're still just kind of with them. You're 22. You're a student. You're living in the pot capital of the world. She gave you a great excuse to break up.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you break up. And now you can go hit the Whitman sampler, focus on your studies. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what you meant, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I meant. Dan. Greetings 32. What is happening, by the way? Dan's the guy. I take it you're a virgin. Dan. The greetings is the calling role equivalent to Johnson. Here, Jackson. Here, Johansen, present. You know that one asshole that has ag. Who has to fucking do the present instead of the here, Bueller. Mm. That's what greetings is.

[Caller]

Johnson.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that?

[Caller]

My last name is Johnson.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. No, I mean, I am. That is pretty interesting. It's not an exotic name, but I did say your name, and I did say. Now, did we land on your name or we went Johansson with the press, Right?

[Brian Bishop]

You said Johansson, Johnson.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, no. I said Johansen when I said the present one. But either way, I had three tries. I got your last name.

[Caller]

You did very well.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I did good. Now what's up? I've done good.

[Caller]

I have a beagle. Beagles are the black holes of dogs. And we went out last weekend, and when we came home, we let her run free in the house lately, and she. She destroyed my $3,500 video camera.

[Adam Carolla]

What did she do? How do you. How did she do that?

[Caller]

Well, when I was growing up, I also had a beagle, and she chewed up my Ghostbuster toys. So you think I would have learned.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Too soon. Yeah.

[Caller]

She destroyed the LCD screen.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So camera destroyed. And do you do something with that camera professionally?

[Caller]

I am a videographer. I actually was talking to Allison about doing her wedding.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny, because I was thinking, do you do wedding. I was gonna say do weddings with. With that. And now you'll just have to have a sketchpad.

[Caller]

Yeah, I'll just use the iPhone.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, could you get a courtroom sketch artist to do your wedding? Really? Save some money.

[Allison Rosen]

I would love that.

[Adam Carolla]

And also have the guy frantically. Plus, you could stand over him like, come on. My cheeks aren't that big. Come on. Bronzer on in a little bit.

[Brian Bishop]

Make me smile.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, make smile. Yeah, fucking beef up those biceps a little. Would you mind?

[Brian Bishop]

Why?

[Allison Rosen]

Is the jury there?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the jury's just a watercolor splash of people. Mm. Hey, so you use this for a living. Will your home insurance cover it?

[Caller]

That is a good question. I will have to check into that. I do have a house.

[Adam Carolla]

You do have a house. Do you have insurance?

[Caller]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Caller]

I never did put my wife's wedding ring on that. I should probably do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But also, you should, you know, you should beagle. You should see, you know, if that's not an act of kind, I bet. Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't know. Don't go beagle. Black guy ran in and smashed my camera and ran out.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Well, he's in Minnesota, so that might not work.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, blonde guy.

[Brian Bishop]

And you.

[Allison Rosen]

It.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Ran in, threw my Eskimo. Ran in and threw my camera on the ground. Ground and ran out. You know, I'm saying with his teeth.

[Caller]

That's what the teeth marks are, though.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't think they do like forensic.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think around for fishing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, whatever You. Whatever you got to work out. Work. Work it out. But I think. I think you could do. I think Allstate could take care of this one.

[Caller]

I like it any.

[Adam Carolla]

And if it's how you make your living, you can certainly write it off on your taxes. Right? I mean, this is. This is tool. Also, you probably would have gotten drunk this weekend and filmed you and your wife doing something crazy on that futon and then somehow wanted to send it to her at work and fucked it up and put it all over YouTube. And then it would have spread out and your parents would have seen it and committed suicide.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he would have replied all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, okay.

[Caller]

Dan, your parents are dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Your parents are dead. Well, there you go. Run around. Outro.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Feel better. Good. Thank you, Mr. Brightside. Ah, bark box baby. Oh, my little Molly girl. Oh, she got her little shirt on and she's all covered with her tumors and mommy's taking care. We should take a quick break. Kelly James gonna come in here. We'll bring his guitar. We'll have a good time. We'll do that after this. Kelly Jameson, Studio. Kelly's album the Pattern Transcend We've talked about before on this program available on Amazon. And you know what to do. Go to Amazon. Go to AdamCroll.com and bookmark us. Click through. Put a little wind in the sails of the pirate ship. Good. See you again, Kelly. You too. Kelly has an amazing talent. Not only a singer and a songwriter, but a freestylist extraordinaire and just blows me away. Every time he does it and is a guy who used to do and be involved with improv troops. Only a few people out of the troupe, like when they had the, you know, the Groundlings, there'd be like 12 people. There was only like three people that could do the improv song. It's kind of the tallest order in improv is the song. Because it's one thing making up a scene, it's another thing having it all rhyme. Second, by the way, is the guys who could improv the whole Shakespearean scenes. Always impressed by those guys, especially coming from North Holland.

[Brian Bishop]

Shakespeare.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I honestly never managed to make it all the way through the LA Unified School system without one Shakespeare play at reading. Never even heard one discussed. Was awesome. So what Kelly does is Kelly does a little playing, and then at some point we throw out a couple suggestions and he incorporates that. And I figure before we get into news, why don't we have Kelly do what Kelly does? Now Kelly's going to be touring around, and Kelly's got like 150 dates this year.

[Kelly James]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. He's going to be on Saturday, March 15, Sportsman's Park, Glendale, Arizona. That's Liquid Soul and is playing there with a bunch of other big bands as well. But if you need tickets, you can go to kellyjames.com and you can find out where he's going to be and 150 dates. He'll probably be somewhere near you and other guys playing this gig. By the way, Everclear, good friend Art is going to be there and White Buffalo, who we've had in here as well. So a lot of good, lot of good acts. So, Kelly, why don't you pick out a song and then you can slide into your freestyle.

[Kelly James]

Absolutely. This song, song's called Secret Lover, goes like this. I believe all of the things that you say you're just a secret lover and I'm feeling uncover Well, I believe all of the things that you say. You're just a seeker in lover and you're gone today. You're just a seeker in lover and you're gone today. Yeah, you melt me with your little eyes you're taking me down. We dated for a little while I gave you the crown but now you're acting like you're running around the queen of three castles bouncing all over town.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Kelly James]

I thought I was the man in your life But I'm the man on the side and just the man that you hide but still the man you confide in. Call me when you need riding three in the morning Drunk diet. And you know I pray every day you give me something more but then you know you go you leave me on you give me nothing more I believe all of the things that you say you're just a seeker in lover and I'm feeling uncover well I believe oh of the things that you say? You're just a seeker in lover and you're gone today? You're just a seek of it lover and you're gone today? You're acting like dudes do do you think I'm a fool for what you're putting me through? I know that we're young and having fun and I respect that but girl when I call can I at least get a text back? You took my dignity can I least get my sweats back? Not asking for the world I don't expect that? But in the next act just like the script read and when the plot twist baby, you gonna miss me? You know I pray every day you give me something more? But then you know you go you leave me on you give me nothing more oh oh? And I believe all of the things that you say you're just a sick of it never end I'm feeling uncovered will I believe all of the things that you say? You're just a seek of it lover and you're gone today? You're just a secret lover and you're gone today.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Kelly James]

All right, team, I need a word or a topic. Something maybe with a story. Something kind of weird. Maybe something we haven't or you haven't talked about on the show yet.

[Adam Carolla]

We've talked about everything under the sun. Well, let's see what's going on out there. What's in the news? The Olympics wrapping up.

[Allison Rosen]

Jimmy Kimmel's having a baby.

[Brian Bishop]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy Kimmel's having a baby.

[Kelly James]

What about that baby?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I gotta say, when did this come out?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it's in my news for today. He just announced it on Ellen.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I was okay. You know how he announced it to me? I was at his house for Christmas or Christmas eve dinner, and up on his big screen, he did what cool people do, which is just had the, you know, different pictures running through and the holiday pictures and the slideshow and then people do. And then a sonogram came up.

[Gary Haftard]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And everyone's like, what the. And that's how he announced it to the friends and family who were intending.

[Allison Rosen]

He had that plan his way.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that. I think that. I hope he had a plan. Unless his Mitsubishi just came with a sonogram I know it'll come with like a waterfall or covered bridge or something, but that's a. That's a weird one.

[Allison Rosen]

It is strange.

[Kelly James]

It's like when you're sliding through some. Someone's like, check out this picture on my iPhone. And then you slide a couple pictures to the left, and you probably shouldn't have gone that last one, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

I think when people start doing that willy nilly, it's a natural reaction, though, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Had that yesterday. Yeah. Swim fin up a guy's ass.

[Allison Rosen]

Was your foot in it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, my foot wasn't in it. It's just. That's the part that was weird.

[Allison Rosen]

It is weird. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's just a fin up there. It's business end, too. All right. Swim fin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Handle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was weird. I didn't say anything. I just slid back. It was a cool car. It. Show me.

[Kelly James]

All right, so what you want to do? Jimmy Kimmel's kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kelly James]

Do we know the name or anything? Or any story?

[Adam Carolla]

Geez, I don't know. It wasn't on the Sonic record.

[Allison Rosen]

See, I'm wondering. I was gonna bring this up in the news. I'm wondering, is he gonna need to give the kid a K name? Because he's got Kevin and Katie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and he's a Joan. His mom is Joan. His dad is Jim. His brother is John, and his sister's Jill. Oh, he does that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he's Jimmy Boy.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta tell you, I know the top of the mountain in the bottom valley of the. We're gonna give everyone a name with the first letter. I know the old Hoffer family. Ray and Rich and Rob and Ronnie.

[David Wild]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't know Ray was. Was from that kind of dynasty.

[Adam Carolla]

And Ray, by the way, is the jewel in the crown of the old Hoffers. If you want to know anything about the old Hoffers. And then I know the Kimmels.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

So I couldn't stand for men. I could not definitively say that was a good idea or a horrible idea. If somebody said, this is the direction I'm going with names.

[Allison Rosen]

It's one or the other.

[Adam Carolla]

It's one or the other. In my experience. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Where were you?

[Kelly James]

This is called Jimmy Kim Kimmel's Kit.

[Gary Haftard]

Okay.

[Kelly James]

Go like this. Not the most gangster topic to talk about, but I'll do it anyway. I hope this doesn't go south talking about Kimmel. I guess it's number three. JK Forever. Ooh, it's so funny. A sonogram. You Know. Cause that's what you do when you have a couple bucks and you invite your crew over some Shablis and past apps. You know what I'm talking about. Adam could get give a crap. He's like, congratulations, you didn't need to tell me this way. I could have waited for the Ellen show or any day. But it's all right. You see, Allison's like, oh, we'll be talking about it on the news later, him and me. Jimmy is like my guy. Or it's Uncle Adam forever, so don't even try. Adam's gonna be a good uncle. He'll teach you all this stuff. He'll give you whatever you want. Yeah. Ain't had enough. Cause he's gonna give it all. And he's that guy. And Adam, well, forever. You know, he'll always try. We talking about Kimmel, now a legend in the game. You know he's gonna go and name all those names JK forever kinda gets, huh? I don't really believe in that. But some people do cuz they think it's funny. They think it's kitschy or whatever you want to say. Yeah, well if you ask me, talking bout Kimmel's kid, I don't have any. But one day I have a couple. Yeah, and they'll get plenty of name choices. But you know me. I can't believe my parents don't named me Kelly. That's a girl's name. I'd rather have a stupid name that something could rhyme with or it had the same letters or the same. The thing that my one parent always wanted to name me was something that was unique. And I was like, really? Cuz honestly, Forever. Now I gotta answer this. What Is that a girl's name? It has an extra E. I'm like, come on mom, seriously, you crazy. And now we got these trends of all the celebrities trying to get creative. And I'm like, seriously? You're telling me your kid named Sunshine? Your kid's name?

[Adam Carolla]

Blue.

[Kelly James]

Blue sky blue.

[Adam Carolla]

Chair blue.

[Kelly James]

And your whole crew's gotta call this little kid Apple and have a serious face. Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

For real?

[Kelly James]

You could call him Mace. No, not like the rapper, but you better call him Diddy. Like in the 90s forever. Well, if you ask me. And that's all I gotta say, you know I'll be laughing cause I'll just probably end up naming my kid Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Kel E James' Everybody love me some Kelly change.

[Kelly James]

It was like my one saving grace was the Kelly Slater thing growing up in California. Oh yeah, well, he has it. It kind of. It kind of was. It became cool because of that. But it was. I mean, you know, you get made fun of as a kid, you know, with the girl's name thing.

[Adam Carolla]

But yeah, Saved by the Bell is not quite the same. Generations, Goonies. But if you were older than a certain age, it meant nothing to you. And if you're under a certain age, it meant everything to you. But I don't think it was ever any good. Or did they think it was good?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, are you thinking of A.C. slater?

[Adam Carolla]

I am Kelly Slater, the surfer.

[Kelly James]

But there is Kelly Kapowski, which even makes it worse. So the hottest girl in that generation is named Kelly.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, makes it brilliant. Oh, yeah. Kelly Slater, the surfer. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's enjoyed on an ironic level. I don't think it's. I mean, as a kid, you generally enjoy it. And as an adult you're like, that was fun. Enjoying that as a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't get with the videotaped sitcoms. There's something about the quality of the video that bumps me. That whole era from the 80s and early 90s, old weird video.

[Allison Rosen]

Comforting and weirdly warm. I remember not having words to describe. Why do, like, why does, you know, too close for comfort or whatever look different than Cheers? And it was the tape.

[Adam Carolla]

Shall we do a little news and Kelly hang out? Crack wise, strum the guitar, whatever you like. Geez, I didn't hear that on Ellen today. All right, let's do the news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Kelly James]

It's Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison.

[David Wild]

And what?

[Adam Carolla]

When it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

I should tell you guys quickly about Eat24, Internet's favorite app for food delivery. Gary. Gary Haftard's all over this bad boy. You can order pizza and Chinese, Thai, Italian, whatever you want. You never have to put your pants on, ever. Never.

[Brian Bishop]

It's better if you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. They come to you. 25,000 plus restaurants in over 1000 cities. Unbelievable. How does it work, Gary?

[Gary Haftard]

It's awesome. You can either use the website or use their app. And you create a profile and put in your credit card one time or your PayPal or your Google Wallet. They accept all kinds of payment and then you just order the same place again. It's right there in your recent orders and you can just order the same thing. You had two weeks ago, and two clicks.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you don't have to. I'm getting out the menu that was shoved under my fence, and I'm doing the thing where stuff circled, and it's like one of the kids eat at the Chinese place right there.

[Gary Haftard]

When you boot it up, it's got past orders, and it's got all the different orders you've done.

[Adam Carolla]

It's great. You can download the app on your iPad, your iPhone, Android Kindle. I like that part. I didn't know about that part. Future's here. That's right. It's here, baby. And it smells like Mongolian beef.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that what that is?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. That's right. Eat 24. Check it out. All right, what's going on?

[Allison Rosen]

Alison, I'm sorry I crapped on your Saved by the Bell A.C. slater thing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're right. You're right. I forgot. Kelly Slater. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

So, yeah, as I was saying, Jimmy Kimmel has his third child on the way. He announced this in an episode of Ellen airing Wednesday, which is why you haven't, as of right now, heard it yet. So, yeah, he does have two kids from his previous marriage, Kevin, who's 20, and Katie, who's 22. And. Yeah. And I. So I'm wondering what direction they're gonna go with the name of this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Geez, I'm gonna go with the K. I don't know if his wife Molly's gonna. I don't know if she's down with that. She's in the.

[Allison Rosen]

With that.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. God, I remember. I remember Kevin when he was in a diaper and just. He was not walking, I think, when I met Jimmy, and not that he was young, but I backed over him on the way out. Been drinking pretty good. He was crawling around. And Katie. I built her a little playhouse in the backyard of their place in Reseda that they were renting. So I guess. So if Kevin's 20 and it's 2014 and I met Jimmy in 1994.

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds about right.

[Adam Carolla]

You do that math, man. Yeah. Jesus Christ. And now it's so weird, because he's such a big kid. Kids should never be allowed to get bigger than the people that see them when they're on the floor toddling around. You know what I mean? Be bigger than somebody else you met in high school or, you know, junior high.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Don't. Don't surpass anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy's brother John is a big dude, too. And John was 13 when I met him, or 14 or something like that. I was a big scuttlebutt because he. He. He'd smuggled like a Penthouse magazine in his luggage from Arizona to stay with Jimmy. And his mom found it in the luggage and was very upset by it. I remember into that, you know, and then you get that thing too, where you're talking to, you know, 30 year old weirdo Adam Kroll. How would you feel if you just. Where is that Penthouse? It's that thing where you're supposed to act a little indignation, but you really. Nothing. That'd be nothing for you or your family or what you've seen. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

It's only in half an hour how I feel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. I'll be smoking out my refractory period.

[Allison Rosen]

Was Penthouse a better find than Playboy? She stumble across porn in a hedge or something?

[Adam Carolla]

You're showing a picture where Kevin is Jimmy's height, but Kevin is like. I don't know if he's standing on an apple box or something. But Kevin is 6:3, probably, and Jimmy's 6 foot or maybe 6:1. But Kevin is a big old drink of water. His brother's big. Everyone's big. And it's weird when they sort of shoot past you. What we're talking about.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I was asking if Penthouse is a better find than Playboy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. At a certain. Yes. Yes. There's more there.

[Allison Rosen]

So about whether Jimmy and Molly are gonna find out the sex of the baby. Jimmy said, I would like it to be a surprise. And my wife was happy with that idea until about a week ago, she started saying, we really need to find out. But I don't think it matters. You don't need to make the baby's room blue or pink. It's inherently ridiculous. I don't think they can even see colors.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't understand the not finding out thing. If it's not invasive to find out, I would want to know.

[Adam Carolla]

I always would like to know. But it's one of those. One way or the other, it doesn't really matter to me. But if it's. It's a weird thing to shield yourself from.

[Brian Bishop]

It matters to people buying you gifts because a lot of people are gonna buy little boy stuff, little girl stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm getting there. I'm getting the crock pot, so.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. Well, then it's. That's gender neutral.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. The thing is, I wouldn't want to shield myself from the information. I wouldn't need to seek it out. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

If it's there you may as well find it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, why not?

[Kelly James]

But doesn't it add the element of excitement for the rest of the pregnancy? I would assume you have something to look forward to.

[Allison Rosen]

Does it need to be like a surprise party?

[Adam Carolla]

I think I would imagine that there's some wagering going on on these things. I mean, there's some Vegas. You could make a little book on this. I mean, if they're betting on Dancing with the Stars and shit like that, and just about anything celebrity, I would bet you that if it wasn't out there and nobody said anything and they weren't gonna say anything, Cousin Sal's on it. You could probably. There'd probably be some Vegas stuff going on there. And I don't know what you do because he has two kids, boy and a girl. So I don't know how that works.

[Kelly James]

I just want to know what. I want to know why I didn't announce it on this show.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I want to know. Yeah, that's right. The fuck with Alan. I should have come over here and done it. All right? But it was a funny way to announce it to your guests at the Christmas party, right? Especially to the drunken me who'd walked out to the patio and then come back to see the zygotes. You know, like, what happened here?

[Allison Rosen]

How far along at that point was she?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you're like your first sonogram, I guess, or one of your first ones, early ones, whatever they look like when they don't look like much or it doesn't look. Or they. Or him or her. You know what I'm saying?

[Kelly James]

Like a half a gummy bear.

[Adam Carolla]

Half a gummy bear, that's right. A Flintstones chewable that's been half chewed.

[Allison Rosen]

Gotcha. So a radio station in Atlanta, Station Rock 100.5, a show called the Regular Guys. They created.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I know the Regular Guys.

[Allison Rosen]

They did a Justin Bieber hoax. And they fooled Larry and Eric. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys used to be out here.

[Allison Rosen]

They said that Justin Bieber was going to be. Was considering moving to Atlanta and that there was a fake neighborhood group called the Buckhead Neighborhood Coalition who were protesting his potentially moving to Atlanta following his recent trouble with the law. And the hoax generated 45,000 news stories. And here are some of the news outlets that fell for it. CNN Time, the BBC, New York Post, the Guardian, the Atlanta Journal Constitution, tmz, Hollywood Reporter.

[Adam Carolla]

You can hear now. They fell for the. Him moving to Atlanta or the neighborhood group. Him moving to Atlanta. He may do right.

[Allison Rosen]

Or is that made up that part I don't know. But what they felt. So Tim pretended to be a person named Harold White. And he gave interviews with major outlets such as the BBC and pretended to be the face of the fictitious protest. He's so speaking with cnn, he, as White, said, quote, we're concerned he'll bring the wrong type of element into a quiet residential area. It is our position that a person with his means could certainly find a neighborhood more suited to his eclectic lifestyle. Okay, I have to say this, though. Maybe there's more to it than we know. And maybe it was hilarious. But how is. I get that you know, it's a prank because you got people to fall for your news, but there's nothing outrageous about what you did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I agree. The problem. And I guess that's Larry standing in the middle there. See if I can go find his phone number and call him. Oh, shit. What the hell's Larry's last name?

[Allison Rosen]

Wax. Wox.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, of course it is. Yeah. Why don't you look at my phone and see if you can find Larry Wax? If I got it in there, and if I don't have it, Mike August will have it. I mean, I have his old number. I don't know if he has a new number. He got divorced, blah, blah, blah. But when we go to. When we played Atlanta, we've definitely. Larry's come out and seen the show and hung out, whatever. I've always said this as far as fooling somebody. You running in and going, somebody just backed in your car. And then you go, oh, shit. And you run out in the parking lot and they go, just fooling you. It's like, that's not really a joke because it could easily happen. And, yes, you got me to put down my sandwich and run out to the parking lot. So I know you feel better about yourself, but that's fairly easily done. Now when you go, a pterodactyl shit on your car and crushed it. And you get me to run out and actually believe it. Now we have a different story.

[Brian Bishop]

You're very gullible in that case.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But maybe you're just good enough to pull it off. The aforementioned Jimmy Kimmel does hoaxes that he pulls off that are interesting and they also show a little something. Let's see if we have. Can you find Larry's phone number in there?

[Gary Haftard]

Yeah, I see one in here. Let me give it a try before we call it on the air.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Might get his angry ex wife. Yeah. And if not, Mike will have it, but we can Ask Larry now is the other regular guy. Eric is not in there anymore, huh?

[Allison Rosen]

Trying to find the other regular guy. Well, Tim Andrews and Larry Wax. They don't mention an Eric.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's funny. You ever get this, this must happen a lot. This happens to everybody. I imagine it happens in relationships, but it happens in partnerships, and it happens in comedy. It happens in art, whatever. It's like when the drummer in a band goes. The band's, like, really successful. And he goes, I'm thinking about starting my own thing. And you're like, really? Like, every time I would talk to Larry and Eric, Eric was always like, I'm thinking about branching out and doing my own thing. And I'd always be like, yeah, I don't know about that. And it was always kind of threatening. He wanted to do, like, I want to do something else. And it's like, we all want to do something else. But you got a pretty good gig here, and you're a nice guy, but you ain't the funniest dude I've met in the world. So branching off and starting your own band may not work out so well. You're already in a pretty good band. I mean, maybe it's local, you know, but you got a good following, steady.

[Brian Bishop]

Gigs, stay with it, getting booked on weekends.

[Adam Carolla]

So Larry's number is an old number, but we'll see if August can find his new number. We'll move on with stories, and we'll figure it out.

[Allison Rosen]

Let me ask this. When he would tell you that he's considering branching out on his own, was Larry aware of this? I imagine he must have been if he was telling you.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Larry would kind of keep telling me that Eric was looking to do something else. And you guys know what I'm talking about, where you go, I like the person. But what exactly are we talking about doing? And we all have the relationship version of this, where the guy talking about leaving his girlfriend that's already too good looking for him, and she's an attorney or something. I was like, yeah, just think about moving on. Just getting stale here. You don't want to sit him down and go, you're not very attractive, and you don't have anything to offer, and you'll never do this again, but you do kind of want to, you know, go. You know, stay the course.

[Brian Bishop]

I was dating a girl many years ago who admittedly was not super attractive, and she would say often, I'm gonna become a Hooters waitress. You're gonna do what?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Very nice. Very Sweet.

[Kelly James]

Everybody's got dreams.

[Brian Bishop]

Not the type.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Did she have the rack for it?

[Brian Bishop]

No, she did not. She didn't have anything for it.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. I don't want to speak ill about our good friends over at. In Binny's or. Not Binny's. We're over there in Treasure Island.

[Allison Rosen]

Gillies.

[Adam Carolla]

Gillies. But couple things. I stood there for two hours signing bottles of Mangria while techno and house music pumped over me, while I looked at pictures of Hank Williams on the wall and chicks running around in chaps and cowboy hats. And I thought, is this fucking techno and house fucking electronic bullshit just taking over everywhere? And. And we're to fucking make believe. Honky tonk, people. Synthetic tonk.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Gilly's Saloon.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Gilly Saloon. And it's literally just pumping the fucking jam. And look, I've now come to peace with the fact that the jam shall be pumped at the sports bar at the airport in Detroit and all parts in between. I've never. Now, if you walk into a bar, if you walk into a place that serves alcohol, does not matter if the fucking theme is, you know, hey, it's 1950s all over again and Wolfman Jack spinning the tunes, and your waitress is Marilyn Monroe. Like, literally, if it's a scene from Pulp Fiction, they're still gonna be pumping the electronic music. But as I was standing there somewhere coming into hour number two of signing bottles of angrier, like, what the fuck are we playing this music for? And they're like, you know, it's Vegas. It's a bar. It's Gillies. It's a fucking honky tonk. It's a honky tonk now. Pumping. Dawson, Were you there, Gary? Yeah, I was there. Were they fucking pumping electronic music the entire time? Yes, they were.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gary Haftard]

I came back every 30 minutes or so to see if you were done.

[Adam Carolla]

Gilly's Club was the bar and fucking urban cowboy. What I'm saying is, is when we go five years from now and I go to Disneyland and I ride the fucking Pirates of the Caribbean, can I look forward to electronics house music being pumped into that scene, or can we not just go the first thing? When you are setting a scene, when you're setting a scene and a time and a period, whether you're making a movie or you're doing a bar, the music is the first theme that you. Yeah. Oh, we got to get the Howard's End and reboot it. Yeah, there you go. Now, you know, that's what's going on at Gillies the whole time. So I'm just going, I wear the fucking honky tonk. Can't it just play me some fucking Hank Williams? It would have been interesting to see somebody ride the mechanical bull to that. Right? So some of the chicks that were there that were in the panties and chaps, which I found quite a nice outfit. There may have been one and a half of them that were growing out of their chaps a little bit. I got to tell you, now, you're never going to find a complete mess because they're not going to get the gig. But you know my coffee table book entitled Black prom, Dade County, 1976 and 1983. I just want to see all the pictures.

[Brian Bishop]

We're all looking forward to that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I can't wait to do that one.

[Brian Bishop]

Hurry up.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's a Jewish one, which is Bar Mitzvah's 1976-83 as well. I would like to see a coffee table book of chicks at work at themed restaurants where they're scantily clad that just weren't quite making the cut.

[Allison Rosen]

What would you call it?

[Brian Bishop]

I need to see you in my office.

[Adam Carolla]

It's called I need to see. Yeah, I need to see you in my office. It's all just candid shots of Hooters chicks leaning over and handing out hot wings, where you see the roll of fat, like, spilling over the shorts.

[Brian Bishop]

Customers are grimacing.

[Kelly James]

It'll become not Hooters material.

[Adam Carolla]

Kids crying. Yeah, I just. Wherever all the Vegas. When you get into Laughlin and you start getting prompt stuff like that off the strip, Just all the chicks that are dressed like fair maidens and genies and all just not quite cutting it. Had a couple kids, came back a little early.

[Kelly James]

And you're right, though. The worst part is that they're so close. You can't really say. Definitely not. But it's.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they probably came in.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the best we could do.

[Brian Bishop]

They probably came in ready, you know, perfect for the job. And then after a period of time.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're at a place where, when you're done with work, you get free beer and hot wings, and you're in the middle of a casino and every horny dude in there wants to buy you a jaeger shot. Yeah. How long before you lose that bikini body working that shift? I mean, how many. I just. That would be a great coffee table book, right? Just candid shots of people that probably shouldn't be in these uniforms anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

Has there been any more honest yet more sexist conversation on the show?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but it'd be. I would love to see that coffee table. You know. You know what? When your girlfriend said. You be. Your girlfriend. Telling me your past, your ex. Tell me she's thinking about going out for Hooters.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, think about doing.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I was thinking about doing something, too. But you go first.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, I'll go first.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it both about me or about what you're going to do?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to just write down. I'm gonna write down what I'm thinking about doing.

[Brian Bishop]

For yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

For myself. And then I'll just read it to you right when you say what you're thinking about. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Here we go.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going to become Thunder from Down Under. That's so funny that you would.

[Adam Carolla]

Thunder. Have you seen those guys?

[Brian Bishop]

Those guys are.

[Adam Carolla]

They're shredded, dude.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know if that's.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, those guys are hot. What are you talking about?

[Brian Bishop]

No, they definitely are.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't like those guys?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, we are on the same page.

[Adam Carolla]

Those guys are fuck.

[Brian Bishop]

Loving Thunder from Down Under.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you been to McCarran? You seen the airport?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Walk through.

[Adam Carolla]

You see those dudes?

[Brian Bishop]

You can't miss the post.

[Adam Carolla]

See the dude with it? The one guy's like, completely sleeved, 12.

[Brian Bishop]

Cut men staring at you, saying, come party.

[Adam Carolla]

He has, like a six pack that's raised up in the air. It's like levitating.

[Brian Bishop]

Top of his six pack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm thinking about that.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a great thought.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a great.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a great goal, is what it is. It's a great goal.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. No, starting tomorrow.

[Brian Bishop]

Start working out tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm going in. I'm going under. Fucking show them. Show them some thunder down there, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, good luck.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You're going where?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I'll be at Hooters waitressing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Yeah, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I might go down today. In fact, there's one not too far from here. Am I accepting applications?

[Adam Carolla]

You don't go to the ones in the beach cities.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, those are the nicest ones. They get the best clientele. People are.

[Adam Carolla]

I just feel like everyone is, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Why would I want to show what I got and serve delicious beer?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they got one like the City of Industry or Hawaiian Gardens or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Not so far. There's one just down the road, like a mile and a half.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this. Yeah. A good boxing promoter. If he's got a promising young heavyweight, bring him along slowly. You don't throw him in with Tyson.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, okay. You bring him to Hooters, where I'll be waitress.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. You don't get what I'm saying. You're not getting what I'm saying. You're a young gal, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're going to understand this reference. They threw Marvis Frazier in with Larry Holmes way too fast and he got ruined. It ruined his confidence.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

See what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

He could have been a fantastic fighter.

[Adam Carolla]

But they threw him in too early, shook his confidence.

[Brian Bishop]

He was never into the same after that.

[Adam Carolla]

Start in Bell Gardens, work your way to Panorama City.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Then there's a couple places in Mexico I'd like you to swing by. And then we'll go to Redondo Beach.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm not gonna be a boxer.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm talking Hooters. Listen, I talk too much. I gotta do four sit ups. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

What recourse do they have when someone's thighs are hanging out of their shorts? I don't think they really have much.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they probably have a deal, I would imagine, in their office. And I do think it should be, I need to see you in my office. Where the first three floor panels are scale when you walk in the door. And above the head is a digital readout. And then there's a button under the table where you see the guy's hand, like, fumbling around. If he hits the button, the door opens up and boosh. You know, right down.

[Allison Rosen]

Where's Sheila?

[Adam Carolla]

Right down to the hopper. Yeah. There's gotta be. Well, first off, it's definitely one of these things. Hooters and Gillies and whoever. It's like when you don't want to go through the scanner at the airport and they need a woman to come feel you up. This is definitely a job for. Get Marge in here and have her sit down and talk to. This isn't. Let's have the guy with the bad hairpiece come in there and tell you you're looking like shit in those orange shorts.

[Brian Bishop]

I think they got away with it because it's technically casting. I think that's what they do. And also, they probably just give you less shifts, you know, kind of encourage you to leave rather than fire you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I bet they rely on the other wait staff there to just make you feel terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, that's how I would do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Sad but true.

[Allison Rosen]

So the Got Milk Ad campaign on its way out after 20 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. I found it off putting. I don't Know why? I think it was Patrick Ewing with the milk mustache. Yeah, there's something.

[Brian Bishop]

Around the time of his Gold club scandal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There was something about seeing, I don't know, Cindy Crawford with it and bother me as much. Ewing kind of turned me off. Some dudes wearing the milk mustache just fucked with me. Yeah.

[Kelly James]

Especially when it's over a real mustache. Then it gets.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, the mustache on. It's a milk mustache. It's not. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a little unrealistic. How hard is it for you to drink milk? But anyway, they're taking away got milk and bringing in Milk Life.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they have to have the huge guy, Patrick Ewing holding the basketball? What would we do? Cpa. Who is this dude?

[Brian Bishop]

Sleeveless T shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What's he do? Run Nabisco? Who is this cat? Sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

So Milk Life will highlight the benefits of drinking milk and will focus on how much protein.

[Adam Carolla]

Rodman. It's so homoerotic.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, does this sure need to be off with. I mean, this is borderline gay porn, right? This is calendar.

[Allison Rosen]

We're seeing upper pubes.

[Adam Carolla]

We're seeing upper pube. Or it could be his weird top of Christmas tree ornament tattoo he has down there.

[Allison Rosen]

You know his tattoos that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think I've seen that one, like, peeking up past his shorts a few times.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it looks like pubes. Feel like I'm seeing a patch. The Milk Processor Education program plans to spend 50 million to promote the campaign.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I love about milk? We can't figure out milk after all these years. It's like we've just. You talk to one group of people. It's like, first off, you don't breastfeed kids. They're gonna be retarded their whole life. Their whole life. You want them just fucking walking around with that cup, with that, the ping pong ball and the string on the end of it, trying to get it in. Is that you want your kid to do.

[Brian Bishop]

Still trying to master this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You don't breastfeed. You don't. There's that whole group. Then there's the. We're, you know, we're the only mammal that drinks milk past our infancy.

[Brian Bishop]

We're the only animal that drinks another species. Milk. That's the one you hear, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like, we're also the only one who's been to the moon, bitch.

[Brian Bishop]

Because we can. If others could render milk, they would.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. I'll apologize to the next manatee I see. Douchebag. Fuck you. Yes. We're also the only ones who've done a lot of shit. We've built bridges, we've waged wars.

[Allison Rosen]

We use email.

[Adam Carolla]

We use email. Yeah. We're some of the. We're an elite fraternity of mammals. A lot of them just live in the fucking sea. We're fucking most. Yes. We have tons of things. Crazy technology.

[Kelly James]

And what's the study on the other mammals? Has there been a dolphin that's tried drink a manatee's milk, you know, Drink a human's milk? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, well, let me put it to you this way. If I was sitting around looking at the Golden Gate Bridge with a Ferrari parked in the middle of it, and then I just came from another planet and I said, what mammal's responsible for this? And then they go, well, it's the only one who drinks milk past. All right, other mammals, let's get going.

[Brian Bishop]

Hop to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hop to it. Not.

[David Wild]

Not.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's try to talk the one smart mammal out of sucking the milk. Right. All right, you don't need. Look, I put a splash my coffee. It's fine. My kids put it in their cereal. They're fine. I put it in my cereal when I was a kid. I'm fine.

[Brian Bishop]

Lots of alternative milks, too, these days. Almond milk and the soy milk.

[Allison Rosen]

Rice flax milk, hemp milk, coconut milk.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And again, if this is Gilligan's island, that's good. But if we have cows and we're not lactose intolerant, then what the. All right, let's bring it home, Baby Girl News.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm Allison Rosenz. A bit cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Yeah. If you find August, and I know we're trying to not pick it up, but if you do find August, we can give Larry a call and find out what the scuttlebutts about Legal Zoom, baby. Oh, man. You want to take care of business? You take care of it with Legal Zoom. They know their business. It's National Start yout Business Month. They're ready to help you, man. Over 14 years, they've helped 1 million plus businesses, and they help them get started with LLC corporations. File your DBAs, whatever you need that has to do with business. LegalZoom is going to help you, and they're going to save you some do re mi. And they got a special this month with your purchase of LegalZoom, you get three months of trial. The new QuickBooks. That's right. It's all new QuickBooks. And it's a better way to run your whole business. It's $119 value. Yours free. But let's get going, Dawson. Be sure to enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. So make today your new business moment and legalzoom.com they're ready to help make it happen. Legalzoom provides self help services and can connect you and can connect you with the right attorney. But they're not a law firm. LegalZoom turning business dreams into reality. Alrighty then. I want to thank our good friends over at Podcast one for the tons of great shows like this one. You can go to podcast one and see what else they got over there. Or if you're interested in advertising, just go to Podcast one and hit the advertiser button. Kelly James. The pattern transcending. Love me some Kelly James and go to his website, kellyjames.com, find out where he's playing because like I said, 150 dates he may be in your dog run. Honestly, there's just a 50, 50 chance he could be within 20ft of your kitchen sink. It really is another 150 dates and you don't want to be out at the supermarket purchasing milk, man. It's other mammals, man, taking milk.

[Brian Bishop]

We're the only species.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You can pre order my book present Mia. It's up on Amazon now at Melrose Improv. Not us. Allison's getting married. But three, two thirds of us. Saturday, March 8th. Two shows. Come on out and say hi. And until next time, I'm Crow for Kelly James, Allison Rosen and Ball Bryan. Say it. Mahalo.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, kids like breasts.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, this is adam Kroll show 1269. Can't get any more 2014. Those two episodes and those two guests. Hope you guys enjoyed the trip. Back down memory lane until tomorrow, Mull.

[Adam Carolla]

And get it on these angels.

[Allison Rosen]

Damn, I hate to fly.

[Adam Carolla]

Launch into sci fi adventure with the fifth element and laugh through the mayhem in Tropic Thunder. What is going on here? All the thrills, all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.