Larry Miller + Leo Laporte (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Adam Carolla Show – Episode: Larry Miller + Leo Laporte (Carolla Classics)
Release Date: November 23, 2024
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Larry Miller, Leo Laporte
Segments Covered: Highlights from classic episodes featuring Larry Miller and Leo Laporte, including humorous anecdotes, discussions on podcasting, and behind-the-scenes insights.

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1. Introduction to Carolla Classics

Carolla Classics serves as a nostalgic revisit to some of the most memorable moments from the Adam Carolla Show over its 15-year run. In this special episode, host Adam Carolla highlights segments featuring renowned guests Larry Miller and Leo Laporte, offering listeners a blend of humor, candid discussions, and insightful commentary.

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2. Larry Miller Highlights

A. The "I Agree Wholeheartedly" Drop
Timestamp: [44:16]

Larry Miller shares one of the show’s most beloved comedic drops: “I agree wholeheartedly.” This recurring joke became a fan favorite, embedding itself into the listeners' minds. As Larry humorously recounts, every time something significant happens, the phrase jangles in his head, leading to playful interactions with Adam.

Notable Quote:
Larry Miller: “That has been in my head every 40 minutes for the last week. I can't stop.”

B. The Belly Dancer Anecdote
Timestamp: [45:38]

In a hilarious retelling, Larry narrates a story from his past where a group of young merchant marines were charmed by belly dancers during a tour. The intense smell and the overpowering presence of the dancers left the young sailors unable to approach, leading to an amusing exchange where they unanimously decided to avoid the dancers altogether.

Notable Quote:
Larry Miller: “They said, 'The smell was unbelievable, really.' And everyone there was dying for them to stay.”

C. Hypothetical Road Trip Game
Timestamp: [50:11]

Larry participates in a light-hearted game segment where hypothetical scenarios are posed. Together with Adam, they navigate through humorous choices, showcasing Larry’s quick wit and comedic timing.

Notable Quote:
Larry Miller: “I would definitely go with Lipton. The woman who's a hack female comedy writer is impossible to be with for more than 11 seconds at a time.”

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3. Leo Laporte Highlights

A. Podcasting Insights
Timestamp: [158:06]

Leo Laporte delves into the future of podcasting, emphasizing its evolution beyond a mere niche hobby into a mainstream medium. He compares podcasting to blogging, highlighting its expansive reach and the democratization of content distribution.

Notable Quote:
Leo Laporte: “Podcasting is going to kind of blend in with the larger idea of using the Internet to distribute shows. It’s not diminutive anymore.”

B. Monetizing Podcasts
Timestamp: [162:40]

Leo discusses effective strategies for monetizing podcasts, advocating for advertising as the primary revenue stream over subscription models. He underscores the importance of building a dedicated and engaged audience that advertisers find valuable.

Notable Quote:
Leo Laporte: “The key is advertising. We're delivering a niche, dedicated audience that these advertisers are dying to talk to.”

C. Technical Challenges and Solutions
Timestamp: [60:31]

Addressing technical difficulties during live recordings, Leo shares practical solutions and the resilience required to maintain smooth operations. This segment provides listeners with a behind-the-scenes look at the complexities of producing a successful podcast.

Notable Quote:
Leo Laporte: “Stuff happens that there's nothing you can do about. You have to keep the audience engaged despite the technical glitches.”

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4. Key Discussions and Insights

A. The Importance of Authenticity in Media
Throughout the episode, both Larry Miller and Leo Laporte emphasize the significance of maintaining authenticity. Adam Carolla reinforces this by discussing his decision to prioritize creative control over lucrative but restrictive deals, advocating for genuine content over corporate mandates.

Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: “The minute you start thinking, what do other people want to hear as opposed to what do I have to say? You’re screwing up the artistic process.”

B. Audience Engagement and Community Building
The episode highlights the critical role of audience engagement in the success of podcasts and shows. Leo Laporte explains that building a community around the show ensures that advertisements are more meaningful and better received by listeners.

Notable Quote:
Leo Laporte: “Ann ad is like a friend saying to them. We choose products we use and can recommend. It’s like a kind of recommendation, and that’s very powerful.”

C. Navigating the Transition from Traditional Media to Podcasting
Adam reflects on his journey from traditional radio to podcasting, discussing the challenges and freedoms associated with the switch. Leo Laporte provides expert insights into the sustainability and growth potential of podcasts in the evolving media landscape.

Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: “Radio and TV have a monopoly on distribution. Nowadays, you can distribute it and get out there. There’s no monopoly.”

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5. Humorous Interactions and Behind-the-Scenes Stories

A. The Impersonation Mishap with Larry Miller
During a segment, Larry recounts an incident where his "I agree wholeheartedly" drop became stuck in his own mind, leading to amusing self-deprecating humor and playful banter with Adam.

B. Shim Moore’s On-Air Performance
Guest Shim Moore from Sick Puppies shares anecdotes about technical difficulties during tours, blending humor with real-life challenges faced by musicians on the road. His performance of the original single “Maybe” adds a melodic touch to the episode.

Notable Quote:
Shim Moore: “And maybe I'm just out of touch, maybe I’ve decided and maybe it’s time to change and leave it all behind.”

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6. Conclusions and Takeaways

The episode underscores the enduring appeal of genuine, unfiltered content in media, championed by figures like Larry Miller and Leo Laporte. Adam Carolla’s commitment to authenticity and creative freedom serves as a guiding principle for aspiring podcasters and content creators. The blend of humor, candid conversations, and insightful discussions makes Carolla Classics a compelling listen for both long-time fans and newcomers.

Final Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: “If you make something really great, people will find it. You just have to continue to do it and plug it worshipping.”

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Overall Impression:
Carolla Classics Episode featuring Larry Miller and Leo Laporte masterfully weaves together humor, personal anecdotes, and industry insights, offering a rich and engaging experience. The inclusion of notable quotes and candid discussions provides depth, making it a valuable resource for those interested in the dynamics of podcasting and the art of authentic media production.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Your new beginning starts now. Dr. Horton has new construction homes available in Ellensburg and throughout the greater Seattle area.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

With spacious floor plans, flexible living spaces.

[Adam Carolla]

And home technology packages, you can enjoy more cozy moments and sweet memories in your beautiful new home. With new home communities opening in Ellensburg.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And throughout the Seattle area, Dr. Horton.

[Adam Carolla]

Has the ideal home for you. Learn more at Dr. Dr. Horton, America's Builder and Equal Housing Opportunity Builder. The kind of burgers you get today tells you a lot about yourself.

[Giovanni]

You're either someone who settles for sad same old same old burgers or you're Edit Carl's Jr.

[Adam Carolla]

Obsessed with a tangy OG Western bacon.

[Giovanni]

Cheeseburger demanding a house made guacamole, loaded.

[Adam Carolla]

Guac bacon fired up for the insanely hot El Diablo or craving a classic Charbold Famous Star.

[Giovanni]

Give in to your flavored cravings.

[Adam Carolla]

Do your mouth to Carl's Jr Big Burger good Burger.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, super fan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 15 years of the Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast without ads titled Classics, exclusively available through Adam Carolla's substack. Make sure to subscribe. You'll also get access to the new show Beat it out with Adam Carolla and Jay Moore, plus other early releases and lots of ad free content. If you would like to request a clip, please email us. Classics. Now onto the clips Coming up. First we have Adam Kurlo show 395. I actually appeared on Adam Kurilla show 394 from Natasha Leggero, filling in as Newsgirl and Ball Bryant of course on sound effects. The very next episode featured Shim of Sick Puppies, a band his name is actually Shimon Moore, along with Larry Miller, Theresa Strasser and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2010 and it's a lot of fun. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day. Bald Brian now before we go any further, I've got to apologize to everybody. What the heck?

[Teresa Strasser]

What's he.

[Adam Carolla]

The live show from the first improv show went up today and I listened to it.

[Giovanni]

Might have been my worst performance ever behind the drop. So I apologize to everyone who was let down.

[Adam Carolla]

Why was it your worst? I don't know. I just was late on a lot of drops and I went like 25 minutes or more without a drop and it was not a good situation. I apologize. All right, so I didn't think it.

[Giovanni]

Was the best performance. I'll make up for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now why. Why did you hang back on the drop. You know what happened initially, I was thinking back on it. You always say, hello, ball Brian, or good morning or whatever, good evening.

[Giovanni]

And I fire off a clever, hilarious drop.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened was I fired it off.

[Giovanni]

While the audience was applauding, so the people.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't hear it right.

[Giovanni]

And then you looked at me for three seconds and I was like, what's up?

[Adam Carolla]

And you're like, oh, you should play a drop. And then I was like, oh, you didn't hear that.

[Giovanni]

Now I'm gonna play one that's not.

[Adam Carolla]

As funny and poorly timed.

[Giovanni]

And it was just.

[Adam Carolla]

It was all downhill from there. Oh, really? All downhill from there? Four seconds into a 90 minute show. I self analyzed too much and on.

[Giovanni]

That particular occasion and realized that it wasn't my final performance.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, I like your drops and I'm in love with your drops, as a matter of fact. And you know, you'll get those haters that say, oh, calm down with the drops a little bit. Or it comes up from time to time. It used to happen back on Loveline, even pre bald Brian, but they always made me laugh. I always thought they were funny. And I think of, like, other shows like Howard Stern where you'd hear one, and I never went like, oh, enough already with Howard's dad. It was always funny. It never got old. Isaac Hayes never gets old to me hearing my mom saying, how would I possibly know that? I mean, it just, it gets funnier. It's like a fart. Yeah, all right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Except for the fart part. I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, Teresa, Teresa Strasser here. Teresa is going to be doing the news, of course. My wife said after seeing the live show on, you know, because we've been talking about you. Well, Teresa's got a morning show gig and we're trying to shuffle the schedule around a little bit, but it's tough. And we probably only get her in here a few days a week. And we were, we were driving somewhere yesterday, and normally I tune out when my wife's mouth opens. And she said, unless my penis is going in. And even then there's a tune out factor. And she said, wow. She said that? Teresa is so good. And I said, I know, I know. That's why I've been fucking telling everyone. Who was she talking about? This Strasser.

[Teresa Strasser]

What, the one from the Real Housewives.

[Adam Carolla]

Of New Jersey and just saw Teresa up on stage and then she said, she said, man, she's funny and she's fast and she's smart and Then she paused, she said, she's looking good too. And I said, we want to go down on her. And she's like, she's looking good. I said, well, she dolls herself up for those live shows. And she said, yeah, well. And I said, I told you. And then I thought. And then I got angry and went on one of my Jags, which is. Radio is the only fucking business where you could have. It's really, it's. The landscape is just scattered with sort of ex playmate blondes who don't know shit from Shinola. And there's not a decent sense of fucking sense of humor in the entire group. And Jack Silver fucking riding Teresa like a mule down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. And I was always just like, you don't know what you got here. This is not even a diamond in the rough. This is just a diamond. I don't know what you're fucking comparing her to because nobody has a sense of humor. I mean, here's the whole deal with radio. It's like it's hard to find a dude that's funny. It's harder to find a chick that's funny. And it's way harder to find a chick that's funny and smart and sane and can show up at 4:30 every morning. Fucking. That is the hope diamond. And Jack Silver you should be fucking hanging on to. You should be tackling her every time she tries to leave the building and yelling, please don't go. Instead of telling her to speed up her news or cut it down or whatever the fuck it is. It drives me insane. So, yes, that is a very tall order. And I've always realized based on just how unfunny everyone else is. Sorry for the backhanded part of this. And just how shitty everyone is, especially women and their sense of humor, that Teresa. I mean, I'm sorry to sound like a dick, but let's face it, women ain't as funny as guys. And then none of the guys on the radio are funny. So what's the chance of finding a funny chicken?

[Teresa Strasser]

We're not socialized to be funny. It's not like our brain doesn't function as highly. That's not something that's rewarded in young girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's part of it. And then the other part is you're not that good at it. It's like, no, but look, it's not all socialized because how would it start or how. Where would it come from? You know what I mean? Both.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes, there is something probably innate, but also I think it's rewarded. So say you say something funny.

[Adam Carolla]

No. My mom would bake me a cake.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

You saw pictures of my fans.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, can I just say so? I had never done that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My mom. Fucking. No greater fan, my mom. She's.

[Teresa Strasser]

I had never seen your slideshow.

[Adam Carolla]

Never stopped laughing.

[Teresa Strasser]

And for those of you around the country who.

[Adam Carolla]

You said something funny about the breakfast table. Around the breakfast table. Let me just pick that apart for a second. First off, there was no breakfast being served.

[Teresa Strasser]

There was no table.

[Adam Carolla]

There was no table. And no, there's no reward. But I do know what you're saying. Jimmy Kimmel got rewarded for saying things that were.

[Teresa Strasser]

Or let me say this. Let's say you're at football practice with the guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

And you say something funny now, you're the funny guy and people appreciate you.

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of, sort of. Except for if you ask Donnie if he ever laughed at any of my jokes or ever said, that's a good one, he wouldn't say it either. But look, here's what. Here's what I think about this reward society sort of gender role stuff. Some of it. There's a nature and a nurture and a chicken and an egg part of it. In order to be the ones with the sense of humors, you have to sort of start that way. You're not going to just be that way. I mean, it's not like when you watch other animals in the wild and you go, well, you know, with certain strains of certain baboons, the mother goes out and gathers and the father stays home. And, well, how did that happen? Who forced that on them? You just go, well, that's what they do. That's just what they do. And as far as our society goes, I just subscribe to most of that stuff. Like, all right, the woman takes care of the kids and the guys go out and make the money. That's just what we do, like any other species. But there's also that element of when a chick especially is attractive, they're sort of like, you know, quiet down and bat your eyelashes, sweetie.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. You know, speaking of Brian's drops and how much you start to hear them in your head, Jack Silver hires me again, God bless him, so he's now my boss again. And, I mean, I couldn't be more grateful because I really needed the job. But I have already gotten. I have already gotten the. I don't need quite so much joking. And then I heard Laura Kitelinger's voice in my head. How about leaving the jokes to Adam Just insert Peter.

[Adam Carolla]

He gave you the back off on the jokes because you know what?

[Teresa Strasser]

He actually had a good point. It is an AM news station and the audience expects a lot of hard news. And you don't come in just balls out and be bonaduce and just, you know, you ease in and you just, you know, let the audience get used to you. Because that station, by the way, is just almost non stop Obama bashing. And I come in like. I think the mosque actually is kind.

[Adam Carolla]

Of a beautiful idea.

[Teresa Strasser]

How about you leave the joking to Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, it's going to be awesome. You're going to get. Oh, man. You're going to get along over there.

[Teresa Strasser]

I only got the one note. That's it so far.

[Adam Carolla]

So now Teresa, but I felt pretty bad about it. That's good. Oh, a note goes a long way in the angst department for tea.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, don't you worry. Don't you worry. I'm gonna feel one note will hurt my feelings for months.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It'll ruin a weekend easily. And your husband's as well because your notes are spread out. You're like tiny note Mary, that your one bad note for you will spread the disease to others.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's true. You know, my shame time has been cut in half since having a kid because I'm just distracted and my priorities are a little more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And that's what I hoped would happen. But I do still feel shame. I just, I feel about half as long now.

[Adam Carolla]

We were talking about doing the live show and Theresa saw some of. I didn't do the whole spiel for her, but I pulled out a couple select family photos and showed her just how depressing the Corollas were. I think Brian depressed, I should say. The Corolla's where Brian got a little firsthand glimpse into that. We'd never seen that before. Yeah, I never showed you guys the pictures. We should pull a couple out, maybe toss some on the website.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, it's really, it's really entertaining because you've heard stories. But then you see Adam's grandma and you see his mom and you see his sister who at what, age 8, couldn't look more depressed.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Teresa Strasser]

And is looking away from the camera. She knows a picture's being taken. And then you see the Christmas dinner with like the empty pot and one potato on the plate. And I like it too, because you put it sort of in a social, political context. Like here's what was happening with Patty Hearst and here's what was happening with the Mansons and here Was your dad. You see his initial married look and then you see him trying to transition into his single guy look.

[Adam Carolla]

Swinging hippie, 70s. The medallion, white pants, White bell bottom pants. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's really funny and different what you do the show that you, you know, just the part I saw, it's really. It's worth seeing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, man, wait, I forgot my laser pointer. Because we're doing when I get the laser pointer. Oh, look out. My poor mom. But Theresa brought in a couple pictures of her depressed family as well.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, yeah, I brought one. I mean, at this age, I was. Oh, that's when my parents brought me home. Now, don't they look thrilled?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Your dad looks a little like Levi Johnston.

[Teresa Strasser]

He does, doesn't he?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Also like a guy probably didn't want to be a dad that young.

[Adam Carolla]

It's very telling because, you know, they go, well, the eyes are the window to the soul, but the lens are the window to the eyes, which are the window to the soul. And you just see people, especially back then, didn't feel that obligated to whoop it up when a camera came around. And you just have that look. Like every family picture I have, my mom just has this I want to die look. And it's just somewhere between a 5,000 yard stare that vietnam vets come home with and I cannot get my mouth to physically move in the shape that would convey happiness. Like, I'd have to use both hands, Right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Exactly. I'd have to reconfigure my features manually.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it'd be like it's that kind of thing too. Where it's like, you know how angry guys just can't stop looking angry and gays. Guys can't stop looking gay and racist can't stop looking like racist. And ass wipes can't stop depressed people. You'd have to fucking clockwork orange their ass with some tape and a fucking popsicle stick to get my mom. You'd need a couple of pipe cleaners and a lot of gaffers tape to get my mom to actually look like she was having a good time.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, I also brought this photo of me, age 8. And by this time I'd already been traveling a lot alone by plane and bus. So I spent a lot of time profiling strangers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I think you can see in my face that basically, like, you know, that's not a jubilant, carefree kid.

[Adam Carolla]

You look like, suspicious. You look like the icarly kid.

[Teresa Strasser]

I do a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

A little bit. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I had the freckles and stuff. Yeah, but I was just profiling people. That's what I did. Because I had to know, like, do I sit next to that guy on the Greyhound?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Or that lady?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, profiling is a bad thing, Tisa. I don't kid.

[Teresa Strasser]

Are you kidding me? You know what? And I just thought of an upside to my childhood. I realized just now as I was looking at this photo that I did do a lot of profiling from an early age and thus I survived unscathed, Never was attacked or anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I always say when they say we need to stop profiling. And I know they say, not profiling, they're talking about ethnic profiling. But the problem with profiling is you can't compartmentalize it. You can't go, well, no profiling against fat people. Because you go, when you see a fat guy, you just go, oh, that guy's lazy. And no one goes, well, why do you think fat guys are lazy? Or how can you go, well, it doesn't look like he has very disciplined with his diet. Doesn't look like he's certainly not getting up at 5am and swimming 200 laps at the Y. You just start profiling and it's not always fair. But you can't fucking shut that switch off. You can't flick the switch off. And the profile, basically, again, you can't compartmentalize it. So it's like there's ethnic profiling, there's race, there's weight danger, there's height, there's eye color. There's just, you profile the look on someone's face when you're walking past them. Does that guy look like a friendly guy or does that guy look like your dad in that picture?

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm bite you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nothing but. And it's when we spend the better part of our day trying to convince people to do something that they really can't not do, we just can't do it. And no matter what and even if it's wrong, when you're walking down the street and you see the Asian kid coming one way and you see the 15 year old black kid coming the other way, especially the pants are dragging and the hats on at 45 degrees, you just go, I'll take my chances with the Asian kid. It's a profile. It's like one of these things where it's like, well, are you proud of it? No. Can you stop it? No. Is Jesse Jackson telling you to knock it off? Is that going to do it? No. That's really about it. I do it when I drive. I see someone with stuffed animals sitting up in the backseat or I can't, or I see, I saw, I was driving the other day. I saw the handicap placard swinging around the rearview mirror. Just from the back. I can't see the person's head sticking. When I see any of that shit or I see the Jews for Jesus bumper sticker or something, I'm pro, like a constant profile. Like I gotta get around this guy, this guy. Now could he be a lead footed guy who drives, who has the Jews for Jesus bumper sticker and the handicap placard and the bobblehead Chihuahua in the back? He could be, but I'm playing the odds, right? And when you sit down on the bus and there's some scary looking merchant marine, he could have a heart of gold. But you know what? I'm going to sit next to the elderly Asian guy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I'll sit next to the elderly Asian guy who's, you know, maybe visiting his son. I was going to say in prison because that's what most people on the bus were doing. Not that many Asians in prison. There are some.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, and here's how it served me. I never. Almost every woman I know has had one or two just awful boyfriends. Just somebody who cheated on them or lied to them or physically abusive with them. I've had a, like, there's not one boyfriend I can say. I really should never have dated that guy. He was an asshole. I think I just sort of knew within a few minutes if you were bad news and I avoided you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you got good at it. That is actually something that you and I probably share, which is when you're sort of parentalized at a very early age, when you just sort of, you're on your own, like, you know, do your own thing, whatever. Get out of the house, you're fine. And you don't have much money and you don't have any transportation except for your bicycle, your skateboard or something. And you realize it's this sort of vulnerable, scary kind of feeling, which is I am 11 or 12 years old, I'm 82 pounds and I can't stop somebody if they want to do some harm to me. And I have to deal with bullies and weirdos and I don't have any money and I don't have any transportation. So you just get really good really fast at sort of reading people. You know, it's like you're hitchhiking. Should you get in the car or not get in the car, because you can't defend yourself if you do get in the car, but you don't have your own transportation, so thus you're hitchhiking. You get in this sort of reading people very quickly kind of mode. Whereas I think if you have protective parents who sort of take care of you, and they go, you got to be in. When the street lights are on and we're fixing supper for you and all that kind of stuff, I think you just sort of let that guard down and you go, fuck it.

[Teresa Strasser]

I agree. And I think this should be a video game where you see if you. It should be called Broken Childhood, and you see if you can get through it without getting molested. And you have to take a variety of turns and twists. Don't get in this car. Because I remember a car did drive up and say, your mom told me to give you a ride home from school.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Teresa Strasser]

I was so happy, because all I ever wanted in life was a ride. And then I thought, what the fuck? My mom doesn't care if I get a ride home from school. So I. And my mom has an unusual name. So I asked the driver. He was driving alongside me as I walked, and I said, what's my mom's first name?

[Adam Carolla]

Turns out her first name wasn't, get the fuck in, bitch.

[Teresa Strasser]

He goes, you know, I know her name. And then I went, oh, this guy wants to abduct me. I'm gonna run through an alley.

[Adam Carolla]

You weighed the pros and cons?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yep. I made a quick assessment of the situation, and I thought, I really want this ride.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if my mom ever knew anything about this story. I wonder if she ever heard anything about this. How should I know? I guess she didn't hear tell the story before. How would I know that? I shouldn't. All right, so just no way of knowing that something like this could happen. How should I know?

[Teresa Strasser]

But we were prime candidates for being molested because we would have really liked free candy.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have blamed myself.

[Teresa Strasser]

You would never have said anything.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I would have. Are you kidding me?

[Teresa Strasser]

You were unsupervised.

[Adam Carolla]

I could have been molested all fucking day long, and I would never said a word to anybody in court. You stand up. I was asking for it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I needed love.

[Adam Carolla]

I shouldn't have worn that. That blue boy outfit.

[Teresa Strasser]

By the way, Dutch boy, you did have a sailor suit on Christmas. Oh, it was so cute.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right, should we do some news? T Bone, your new beginning starts now. Dr. Horton has new construction homes available in Ellensburg and throughout the greater Seattle area.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

With spacious floor plans, flexible living spaces.

[Adam Carolla]

And home technology packages, you can enjoy more cozy moments and sweet memories in your beautiful new home. With new home communities opening in Ellensburg.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And throughout the Seattle area, Dr. Horton.

[Adam Carolla]

Has the ideal home for you. Learn more at Dr. Dr. Horton, America's Builder and Equal Housing Opportunity Builder.

[Giovanni]

A hilarious new standup special from comedy legend Jim Gaffigan the Skinny is coming to Hulu November 22nd. This Thanksgiving, see Jim in a whole new light as he gives you the inside scoop on everything from parenting teenagers to weight loss and gaslighting family members.

[Adam Carolla]

For everyone in need of a happy.

[Giovanni]

Hour, the new hilarious stand up special Jim Gaffigan the Skinny is now streaming on Hulu.

[Adam Carolla]

Next.

[Teresa Strasser]

Hey, it smells so good in here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, that'd be the coffee. I know.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's just I've had nasal polyps for.

[Adam Carolla]

So long now I'm on this medicine and my congestion and breathing are much better.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Dupixent Dupilumab is an add on prescription.

[Adam Carolla]

Maintenance treatment for uncontrolled chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyps in adults and children 12 years and up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It can help shrink your nasal polyps.

[Adam Carolla]

So you can breathe better with less congestion. I'm pretty jazzed about it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Plus, I don't want another surgery and.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I might not need one. So what can I get you?

[Giovanni]

Oh, medium coffee, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Severe allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for face, mouth, tongue or throat swelling, wheezing or trouble breathing.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Tell your doctor right away of signs.

[Larry Miller]

Of inflamed blood vessels like rash, chest.

[Adam Carolla]

Pain, worsening shortness of breath, tingling or numbness in limbs. Tell your doctor of new or worsening eye problems like eye pain or vision changes, joint aches and pain, or a parasitic infection or asthma. Don't change or stop steroid asthma or other treatments without talking to your doctor.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do more with less nasal polyps. Ask your doctor about DUPIXENT.

[Adam Carolla]

Learn more at DUPIXENT.com or call 1-844- DUPIXENT Got something on your mind you need to talk about?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Forget texting.

[Teresa Strasser]

Just call up a friend so you can hear a voice.

[Adam Carolla]

It might be old school, but it helps. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we help from the International News center next to Donny's Minibikes. This is the News with Teresa Strasser. I'm gonna go ahead and say this is brought to you by our good friends over at Pinnacle College. They do the video game sound design and recording engineer programs you can. Been around since 1972. Although. What were they designing? Video sounds for Pong. How should I know? My mom. What a wealth of information came from. Hey, mom. Hey, Mom. Geez, I'm doing some math here. What's 2 times 7? How would I know that? Okay, well, I just want to know. They're asking me about. They want to know now. Are the rounded off mountains newer or the more jagged mountains than newer mountains? How would I know that? And the state bird of California. How would I know that? Okay, and again, I'm just doing some homework here. How many. How many stars on the flag? How should I know? When did Alaska become a state? How would I know that? In Puerto Rico? How would I know that? How wide is the Panama Canal? How would I know that? All right, I got an easy one for you. What's my middle name? How's she doing that?

[Teresa Strasser]

But you could go to her for advice on girls and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, geez, mom, let me just tell you. There's a chick named Sheila, and I like her. I just. I don't know if I don't know what the signs are when a woman likes me. How would I know that? I'm just thinking, you being a woman, like, perhaps you could just, you know, tell me. How would I know that? I just want to know. Like, she seems. She talks to me, but I don't know if she likes me or not. How should I know? Okay. Okay, that's bad. That was it. That was all the help. It was all that. Well, of course, she was a Chicano studies major, so I got some of that stuff was in Spanish.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, she's gone to Pinnacle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, you say. How can you possibly expect me to answer that? Yeah, Couldn't possibly. Possibly. Yeah. Again, my mom. Eager to please. Oh, yeah, she aims to please. That was her on the radio, Ben, over backwards. That's her on the radio, everyone. All right. Pinnacle College, 1972, and they have programs. Nation's first video game sound design program, by the way. Nine to 12 months, you're in and out of there with your degree and on your way to winning an Emmy, a Grammy, or an Oscar as well. We just saw the Emmys last night. Check them out at PinnacleCollege. Edu, or call them toll free. 888-590-8824. That's 888-590-8824. Pinnacle College. Sorry, T. Now, no news.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, the 62nd annual Primetime Emmy Awards were held last weekend as you Mentioned. Yeah, they were several awards going to first time winners, including a big one, best comedy series, which went to ABC's Modern Family.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good show.

[Teresa Strasser]

And then of course, the best drama category went to an old favorite, AMC's Mad Men. Third year in a row.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is now.

[Teresa Strasser]

I thought the show was good and Jimmy Fallon did an admirable job. I was kind of bummed out because usually there's at least one crazy speech. And the best I could do was it was kind of funny when the guy who writes and produces Mad Men, Matthew Weiner, he won for the show, won for best show, but he also won for writing. And before I play this clip, nobody was cut off that I can recall. I mean, Karen Sedgwick and Al Pacino and Jane lynch and Edie Falco, they can talk for 20 minutes. This wasn't the kind of acceptance show where you heard anyone being played off.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what it looked like? I could see them getting a prompter, like going. And they would say it, which is one of those things.

[Teresa Strasser]

They'd go, they're getting a rap song.

[Adam Carolla]

Nine seconds. Okay. It's one of these things where in any other business you'd forgive it, but in show business, come on. You see a thing that says 9 seconds, just hustle it along.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right, Hustle it along. But they were very lenient to every single actor. And Mr. Writer gets up there and he just wanted to say a few things and.

[Giovanni]

Just thank you for sharing this with me.

[Adam Carolla]

And I want to thank our amazing writing staff. I want to thank our incredible cast and crew. Obviously, who read all of.

[Teresa Strasser]

Obviously the crew.

[Adam Carolla]

The cast does, but the crew. Everyone who works on this show reads the scripts and gives me notes and I appreciate it. I'm so insecure that I actually seem open minded. Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

Goodbye.

[Adam Carolla]

What he was. John Bonham has to do a drum solo. Like, what about the music? Swell.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't. That made it even stranger, didn't it? That's usually how they play you off. It was so sudden and it was a burst of. Like you said, it was a drum solo.

[Adam Carolla]

It seemed like a miscue. You think it was just a miscue back there, Right?

[Teresa Strasser]

It was the only speech that was cut off that I can remember. Call of the entire night. Another magical moment for me was, well, of course, Bryan Cranston winning his third consecutive for best Actor.

[Adam Carolla]

Couldn't happen to a better guy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, my God. But what about Aaron Paul, who's his co star on Breaking Bad?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So talented.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Love him.

[Adam Carolla]

Good guys. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I thought about Bryan Cranston because at the live show you do the. You show the cartoon for Gay Eye.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Starring you and Brian Cr.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Which we'll have released here soon enough. I think we're going to ask people to make a little donation for that one because Michael Narin worked so hard on it.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's well worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Great guy. You know what I was thinking about as I was watching? I never really thought about this before, but when they do the in memoriam and they'll do the in memoriam thing and they'll just start doing the thing and they'll start with the pictures and they'll be like, I don't know, they'll be like Eddie Albert and be like. And they'll be like Fess Parker. And they'll be like Gary Coleman. And I'll be like, hey, get the nice round of applause, you know. And then I'll be like Merlin Olsen, the guy's dead. You can't keep it going for 2 minutes and 10 seconds. Like you're just sitting back like fucking Merlin Olsen. Glad that fuck's gone. Glad I got all my claps out of my system with Gary Coleman. No, but it's the weirdest thing in the world if you really think about. Because there shouldn't be peaks and valleys in the clap department. Oh, that guy was just a cinematographer. Oh, I've heard of this guy. Yeah, yeah. Fess Parker. I don't think so. Not a fan.

[Teresa Strasser]

Hold your applause till the end.

[Adam Carolla]

Or how about keeping it going? You know, do we really need. I mean, plus the fucking family sitting there and you gotta hear him go like, eh, he didn't get much. Or feel free to sweeten it if you're the director. This show's overproduced anyway. Let's throw a little fake applause. Just. Yeah, do a thing. First off, you ever needed the applause sign. It was. Then it was for the dead guy. But yes, hold your applause until the end. Or let's just kind of keep it going throughout, you know what I mean? Just, you know, that sort of thing you do. They do it at every event. They do, they do. It's like Little League. They're giving out the participation trophy awards like, hey, this is O'Brien Johnson. Hey, Mike McDougall. Hey, Shelly Baxter's in there. Yeah, Shelly. And you know, it's just kind of thing. And maybe, you know, when your kid's name is mentioned, you hit it a little extra harder. But I mean, he's just sitting there, you Know, doing. We've all done that thing where they go, I don't want to give everyone a round of applause. I want to introduce you to our sales team. And if 13 guys go up, you just. But you don't just sit back and go, fuck Stu. No way. No way. Oh, yeah, Mark. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that guy sells. That guy moves paper. Yeah. No, Larry. No, I don't think so. No. I mean, they're dead people. Just fucking keep it going, would you? Every year they do it Academy Awards too. There'll be some guy who's an agent or some guy was a cinematographer or something, set designer, a guy did makeup and special effects and you haven't heard of him. So he gets almost nothing. And then it's like, oh, Lawrence Olivier. Oh, yeah. Now that's something. That's something I can clap about. It's just weird. Either nothing or a nice steady stream, but it shouldn't be. Peaks and valleys throughout.

[Teresa Strasser]

I thought Jewel did a beautiful job singing live.

[Adam Carolla]

She did it. She did a great job. And it just. Again, the weird peaks and valleys of the clapping. And it started off pretty good because there were like a bunch of people where you're like, jesus, he's still alive. Roy Disney just died. Like a lot of this, like, wow, that guy is old. And then it started getting into, you know, Corey Haim. And again, no one knew how. What to do with. Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Awkward.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now can I just say this? I'm officially fucked out on Betty White Mania.

[Teresa Strasser]

I. I have Betty White fatigue. I'm so.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so tired. I see when I close my eyes, back that ass up. It's way right, right. Ruth Gordon did that 30 years ago. Knock it the off. It's not. And by the way, stop going back to that comedy. Well, the old chick who's talking about backing it up to John Hammond, just. She popped up on the Emmy like nine times. She has a fucking two movies coming out, by the way. Is this what. Is this what we're gonna have to wait 40 years to have a movie career? Like, I'd be like, hey, you're 80. I mean, Betty White wasn't. I launched her, by the way, on Password. But because I did my fucking Celebrity Password or whatever I did with her and smoked me. But I say re relaunched her.

[Teresa Strasser]

I re launched Smokey, didn't she? She's been doing game shows for like 90 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, can I say this? It's unfair the way they have the game show set the up. Do you want to know why I think I've explained this once before, but I'll do it. I'll do it once again. I won the. Whatever. It's like she got four right the first time, and my opponent. My opponent got like, you know, so they got four right. Then they got two right, and then they got two right. So they got a total of eight right. Right? And then it's my turn to go, and my guy got, like, 4, 2. And then when you get to. As soon as you beat the person, as soon as you get to three, they stop. They stop it. You don't keep going. They just stop it. You have 30 seconds on the clock, and they stop it. But then they add all of them up to see who gets who has the most accumulated. I know this is convoluted, but what I'm saying is, is they didn't let me play through my 30 seconds. I would have got two or three more right, but they stop it as soon as you win, and then they add up the two games, and then Benny White, Bitchy White had more than me. It's. It's. I. You have to see it to explain it, but it's the. The problem with the game is they cut it off after. After you win, and they don't let you use the ones you would have gotten against your total score. Sounds like sour crepes to me, dude. It is a little bit. Little bit.

[Teresa Strasser]

Meanwhile, Brian won 100 grand on Millionaire.

[Adam Carolla]

Identify with you first. First one I did. First one I did on Million Dollar Password was my one literally said, I think it was like, west. And I said east. And the guy went east coast. I was like, north. It was like, North Pole, South Dakota. I was like, all right, I got. I don't know. Your new beginning starts now. Dr. Horton has new construction homes available in Ellensburg and throughout the greater Seattle area.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

With spacious floor plans, flexible living spaces.

[Adam Carolla]

And home technology packages, you can enjoy more cozy moments and sweet memories in your beautiful new home. With new home communities opening in Ellensburg.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And throughout the Seattle area, Dr. Horton.

[Adam Carolla]

Has the ideal home for you. Learn more@doctor Horton.com Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

[Giovanni]

A hilarious new standup special from comedy legend Jim Gaffigan the Skinny is coming to Hulu November 22nd. This Thanksgiving, see Jim in a whole new light as he gives you the inside scoop on everything from parenting teenagers to weight loss and gaslighting family members.

[Adam Carolla]

For everyone in need of a happy.

[Giovanni]

Hour, the new hilarious standup special, Jim Gaffigan the Skinny is now Streaming on Hulu.

[Adam Carolla]

Next.

[Teresa Strasser]

Hey, it smells so good in here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, that'd be the coffee. I know.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's just I've had nasal polyps for.

[Adam Carolla]

So long now I'm on this medicine and my congestion and breathing are much better. Dupixent Dupilumab is an add on prescription maintenance treatment for uncontrolled chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyps in adults and children 12 years and up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It can help shrink your nasal polyps.

[Adam Carolla]

So you can breathe better with less congestion. I'm pretty jazzed about it. Plus, I don't want another surgery and now I might not need one. So what can I get you?

[Giovanni]

Oh, medium coffee, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Severe allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for face, mouth, tongue or throat swelling, wheezing or trouble breathing.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Tell your doctor right away of signs.

[Larry Miller]

Of inflamed blood vessels like rash, chest.

[Adam Carolla]

Pain, worsening shortness of breath, tingling or numbness in limbs. Tell your doctor of new or worsening eye problems like eye pain or vision changes, joint aches and pain, or a parasitic infection or asthma. Don't change or stop steroid asthma or other treatments without talking to your doctor.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do more with less nasal polyps. Ask your doctor about Dupixent.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Learn [e-mail] or call 1844 DUPIXENT.

[Adam Carolla]

Water damage is no joke.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Did you know that water damage makes up more than 25% of all home insurance claims?

[Adam Carolla]

And the average claim costs over $13,000?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Don't let a small leak turn into a big expense. Learn [e-mail] Nojoke Pemco Mutual Insurance Company, Seattle, Washington.

[Adam Carolla]

We could probably hear it. It's up there somewhere. All right. Anyone goes to YouTube and watches it, you'll see how the game is flawed. Sorry. Thank you, Sarah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Perhaps we can post a link to that under the.

[Adam Carolla]

Sarah. Fuck it. Let people look it up.

[Teresa Strasser]

In the wake of Glenn Beck's hugely successful Restoring Honor rally held in D.C. this weekend, the Huffington Post has published an offer of $100,000 to anyone with evidence that would destroy. Destroy Beck's reputation and take him off the political cultural battlefield.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I see Glenn Beck from time to time, and I hear Glenn Beck from time to time. And I know there's this thing where we're supposed to hate him because he loves Jesus and he's a white guy and he wants people, you know, family values and all that kind of stuff. I don't find him hateful at all. I mean, his message is just I don't know, pray and take care of your kids and, like, provide for them. I don't. First off, are you. And everyone's like. Because they're calling like, he's racist.

[Teresa Strasser]

And he's saying, I think he called Obama a racist. And that pissed people off. Or said he doesn't like white. He said doesn't like. Maybe the quote is, he doesn't like white people. Essentially, he called Obama a racist. And that was part of the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

I have seen him and heard him on the radio and he seems almost, I don't know, mild mannered in a weird way. And not like, I understand the Rush Limbaugh stuff because he's a. He's a blowhard, right? I just think I was actually listening to Stern this morning and Stern is much farther left than I am. But Stern said, don't we have bigger fish to fry than Glenn Beck? Like, basically just telling people, like, you know, educate your kids, love your children, pray to your God and stay in school. You know what I mean? Like, just hug your kids and pray with them. And like, I'm an atheist, but I don't. He's not evil. Like, we're doing this thing where like, Saddam Hussein was evil, right? He's not evil. He's just a white guy who doesn't. You disagree with and you probably fundamentally agree with many more things with him than you disagree with, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

I think people are scared because he's very persuasive and his audience is easily swayed.

[Adam Carolla]

He was like a morning show dj.

[Teresa Strasser]

He was a morning zoo dj, like.

[Adam Carolla]

Out of high school, does stand ups, right? But he's pretty sure he's in on the joke. Not saying. He's not saying fuck your kids and run over black people or anything. He's just sort of saying, take care. I don't understand. And again, I am tired of people who wave an American flag and say, pray and hug your kids. He's a racist. I don't think he's a racist. I really don't. And I've heard the guy a bunch of times. And he just seems to, like, he talks about history and he talks about old presidents that. He talks about government and all that shit. And he's just basically one of these guys that wants you to pray and he wants lower taxes.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think one thing that I was talking to Mike lynch about it, I said, what's wrong with him? Because I know he's in recovery. And it kind of seems to me that he swapped one addiction for another, which is fame. Like, he Just seemed like a one man carnival of narcissism. Like look at me. I'm gonna hold a rally. I'm gonna be on every show. I'm gonna write a book.

[Adam Carolla]

Book.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm gonna have a website. Please, everybody look at me all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, I think he's in on the joke. I mean he sort of is very self aware. Like they up behind the curtain kind of thing. You want to put on an act in a sense. Yeah. Except for I don't know what the.

[Teresa Strasser]

Act is like is kind of thing in a sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's a Persona, I think more than it is him. Well, everyone becomes that way as they get in front of people. They just sort of get pushed into that a little bit. It just, just happens, you know, Mr. T just starts talking like Mr. T when he's ordering takeout. I pity the fool. They don't supersize my fries. That's bound to happen, but I don't know what is. Here's the whole thing. We have much bigger fish to fry than Glenn Beck. That's my point. He's not doing anything that the prey with your kids is not going to harm this country. I don't like praying. Lord knows I don't like my kids. But his message is pray with your kids, not fucking dye juice or I gotta put a burning tire around some guy in a different tribe. That's all I'm saying. I don't see where's the ire come from. That's my point. That's my point. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Let's see where you're coming from.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, where what? Why does.

[Teresa Strasser]

There are bigger fish to fry.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's just these sort of. The hatred on the left come from these guys who are just, they're not really saying anything.

[Teresa Strasser]

There's a lot of nonstop Obama bashing and I think that gets very tedious and frustrating.

[Adam Carolla]

Divisive, Nonstop Bush bashing.

[Teresa Strasser]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just. What good does it do anyone?

[Teresa Strasser]

I know. I get tired of it from both sides. Although I do enjoy the Jon Stewart side a little bit more.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

But you're right, it's. It's divisive and it can be frustrating to listen to. I don't learn anything at the end.

[Adam Carolla]

But I've heard him a million times and he doesn't sound. Not a million times, but I've heard him and he's not. That's not nonstop Obama bashing at all.

[Teresa Strasser]

There's a little bit of bashing a little bit more than I do.

[Adam Carolla]

I do. There's Not. He's not doing anything. That's the point. He shouldn't be on anyone's radar of like, we gotta stop this guy. He's not evil. He's not doing anything. Fine. And you know on the other side of the aisle that Keith Overman's not doing anything to anyone. Right. Both just. They both have a political point of view that's diametrically opposed and who gives a shit?

[Teresa Strasser]

This is how you have a career on cable.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I just want. I don't feel like either one of them needs to be stopped. That's all I'm saying. I feel like maybe he's an easy target, too, because he's so earnest.

[Giovanni]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Of course he's an easy target. I mean, it's an easy guy for Bill Maher to make fun of, but he's not doing anything. That's basically what I'm saying.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. And I totally agree with you. When we have rising unemployment, the housing market is flooded with foreclosures, we're in a war nobody wants to be in.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Make me some juice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. In our education. It fucking sucks. And he's basically saying, lower taxes and pray with your kids.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who gives?

[Teresa Strasser]

A bigger fish to fry. Indeed. That is the news.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it. More of Teresa's news coming up.

[Teresa Strasser]

I got the rap sign. And unlike Matthew Weiner, I listen.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring Larry Miller in here, proudly donning his East Valley Trojans T shirt. That's right.

[Larry Miller]

They're doing very well. And by the way, when it comes to most of the things you were saying, especially with Brian's drops and how things stay funny, I would just like to begin by saying I agree wholeheartedly because that has been. Can we hear that one more time?

[Adam Carolla]

I agree wholeheartedly.

[Larry Miller]

Wholeheartedly. That has been in my head every 40 minutes for the last week. I can't stop. I've been doing it with my wife every time. Every. Oh, thank you. Every time. Oh, that's so nice to get a welcome kiss like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Every time. Whatever's happened this week.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Dad, you want to watch wrestling? I agree wholeheartedly.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree wholeheartedly.

[Larry Miller]

But it's not funny to them because they weren't here.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Teresa Strasser]

I know when I'm boring, I occasionally get from my husband. That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I get. My wife gets me a lot of the Isaac Hayes drops.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

This is amazing, by the way.

[Larry Miller]

You're right. That will never be unfunny. The more I love putting that in conversation it's just funny. I have to tell you, it's good. What's wrong with that? I have to say this will never come up again. I have to tell you this. My dad was a merchant marine. You mentioned the very menacing merchant marine on the bus. My dad's one of those things. He's 16. It's 1945. If you walked into an enlistment office in 1945, they would just take you. How old are you? 31. Fine, get on the boat. You're in. Well, you can load torpedoes now.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

He's.

[Larry Miller]

He went away with five friends. They're 17. They're in Turkey. In those days, remember high school boys weren't sleeping with a lot of girls. In fact, it just wasn't happening that much. So you get all these kids. The chief of the boat, who was the menacing guy with all the tattoos, they dock in Turkey, in Constantinople. He says there's a place you should go to where they have belly dancing. Can you imagine the phrase belly dancing?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Larry Miller]

In 1945, must have sounded like, you know, the blue skinned women on Rigel 12 are really sexy. So in those days, they come in, they're five knuckleheads in uniforms, in white uniforms at 17. And they're rich because each one has $27. And so this is nuts, money. They go in there. I said, well, what happened? Because they thought we're going to get belly dancers, we'll all have belly dancers. I said, do they have them? He said, yes. Did they come up to you? He said, yes. Anything happened? He said the smell was unbelievable, really. Of the building, of the women. He said, even we at that age couldn't get close to them. It was not only that smell, right? The first three things were that smell, right? But after that he said there's something about the oil they use to rub in their bodies for 40 generations or something. He said, wow. They ran out. They couldn't. And everyone there was dying for them to stay.

[Adam Carolla]

Hello.

[Larry Miller]

Yes, Hello, American.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're like one of those skillets you never wash. Just yikes. That you go camping with. Interesting to get all these guys who.

[Larry Miller]

Would have jumped on anyone or anything. And he said they, it was impossible. It was like sticking your head in a latrine.

[Adam Carolla]

They just couldn't do it. Wow.

[Larry Miller]

And now the whole place was still crowded with guys from the area because to them, sure, this is every day, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It's fine. I would imagine, never really think about it, but belly dancer could work up a funk, right? Because they're from a region of the world. You know, again, the curry goat based regions are, you know, it's hot and they're wearing, they have all the oils and patchouli dumped on them. And plus they're wearing a lot of like bronze trinkets and things like that, which don't smell great when up against the skin. And then they're constantly, essentially just running in place for nine hours. There's got to be a smell associated with it.

[Larry Miller]

You write about the bronze, you combine metals from like 400 BC where it was just the start of the Bronze Age or something.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

And they're still wearing the same bracelet and the natural skin smells. It was just, he said it was no kidding. And these were kids who grew up on farms with their heads actually in the rectum of the animals and they couldn't get next to these women.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Larry Miller]

So, yeah, just a little. And then by the way, they said, one of them said, should we leave? And they all in unison said, I agree wholeheartedly.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's interesting. And God, I mean, yeah, I mean, remember now, you know, you're 37, you know, 37 year old men are 37 year old boys. But back then, especially when you start talking about the stories of World War II, every third guy lied about his age and was going to be a navigator on a torpedo plane, you know, and it's like, can you imagine when you were 16, 17 years old, just flying missions over Germany at that age, working that piece of equipment? Yeah, we flew Hellcats when you were 16 and a half. It's insane.

[Larry Miller]

No, it is. Because you look at every 16 year old, say, on Ventura Boulevard now and you just say, come on, this guy shouldn't be trusted with that can of coke, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you wouldn't let him drive a fucking moped down to the corner to get you a cup of coffee. Couldn't be trusted with that.

[Larry Miller]

Can you carry this plate of lasagna to your mom? Oh, yeah. No, wait, let me do it. No, no, I changed my mind.

[Adam Carolla]

Meanwhile, this guy's the ball turret gunner. And a B17 and the Flying Fortress. Insane.

[Larry Miller]

43Rd mission.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely insane. I know. And I don't know what we've done to screw that up, but we fucked that up quite nicely.

[Larry Miller]

We have so much that that's the way we're about, the way we should be. We have so much. If you took anyone from Indonesia, from Finland anywhere and from 700 years ago and made them, they were born today here in Glendale, in the Valley, anywhere in, anywhere in the United States, they grow up the same way because they have everything right. You know, it's just the way it goes. Nothing wrong with that. It's just as long as we know it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, I'm aware of it. You ready to play a little hypothetical question, Larry? I am.

[Larry Miller]

In fact, I have a very good feeling about today because hope springs eternal.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, feeling good about this? We have an intro. It's the hypothetical road trip game. The game where there are no wrong answers. Well, here we go, Larry. Feeling good about this one. So ride for the Santa Monica Pier, the Epcot center in Florida. And we'll just start off with what I would think would be a layup. Great. James Lipton. Or a hack female comedy writer who says she doesn't get hired because she's a woman. But we all know she's not funny enough to be hired based on just her sense of humor.

[Larry Miller]

This is a slam dunk, in a sense. I would always like to ride with James Lipton because even if he's a little. Little windy, he's an interesting guy. He's intense. He loves artists. I would always like him. And the woman who's the Hank Comedy writer, someone who's just plain not funny, is impossible to be with for more than 11 seconds at a time. So I would definitely go with Lipton.

[Adam Carolla]

What? What? I'll tell you what. It's simple. You could never roll the window down with Lipton because his hair, I feel like, would blow in 18 different directions. He'd constantly be. Every time you want to get a little fresh air and bring that window down, Lipton would say in that sort of faux English, sort of put upon better than you voice, you know, please, sir, roll up the window. My comb back are over or south. And as a bald man, he would have little to no sympathy. He'd constantly have the visor down, and he'd be one of these guys who complain. No mirror in the visor. You are a blinding brilliant light from heaven. In my automobile, not only do I have a mirror, but it's illuminated. And, you know, he'd be combing. He'd be fussing, too. And combing in the just for men. And the beard, constantly. You'd be breathing that in just for men.

[Larry Miller]

By the way, you're right. That everything would be large and have an inflection of we'll have to stop for gasoline.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's part of his charm. And he would know every obscure fact about Larry Miller's career.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

By the way, I wish Kevin Costner in Robin Hood had An English accent half as good as James.

[Adam Carolla]

And he'd be like in any. He'd be making up things, blow hard things, to sort of prove himself, like, in a few moments, we shall be upon the road known as Zizics. Would you like me to spell that for you? Sight unseen? And you'd be like. You'd just be turning up the Garth Brooks, eh? It's too much. I'm sorry. Oh, for one. Let's keep moving.

[Larry Miller]

I understand now, though. I thought I was right, but.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right. Let's just keep pushing forward here. Here we go. Someone from the hills or someone from Jersey Shore.

[Larry Miller]

Always someone from the Jersey Shore, because first of all, you could at least. I've been down there drinking many times. I had friends from there. And someone from the hills. You never know. It depends on what hills, but you never know. Could be someone who is still so tribal, still so clannish, still so insulated and closed in that you just by looking at him every few miles, he might have say, you know, we've had a feud with your family for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, listen, I know the Jewel's and the McCoys are what he's talking about, but I'm talking about the TV show the Hills. Oh, and Jersey Shore. I'm sorry, you're wrong.

[Teresa Strasser]

He gets some sort of credit for not being aware of the Hills.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? By the way, even as you said.

[Larry Miller]

The hills, there was a small ride that went on because Jersey Shore, the phrase the hills.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It doesn't mean anything.

[Larry Miller]

1937. It means nothing to anyone today.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're right.

[Larry Miller]

Abbott and Costello would do bits about supposing you marry a girl from the hills.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I. I should have started. We should have started with Jersey Shore, the television program.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sorry, this is an apology. Like at the top of the show.

[Larry Miller]

Even I have to say. You know what? I should. No, there's no right in that.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, now what is the Hills now? I don't want to rub salt. It's an MTV show. Listen, I don't want to rub salt in the wound, but had it just been the Hills meaning an elevated position, and the Jersey Shore meaning a destination. You were right on that one. Sadly, so, ironically, you were actually right. You were right on that one. No, I'm sorry, Brian.

[Larry Miller]

No, I would have been.

[Adam Carolla]

He would have been right.

[Teresa Strasser]

But we didn't mean.

[Adam Carolla]

We weren't talking. I just want to tantalize him with the bell sound. He never heard that before. No, but neither. You gotta put that sound back. Put the Put the right. Sorry. Thank you. And again, if we're just talking about the hills of Laurel Canyon versus Jersey, the Jersey Shore, the actual hills of Kentucky, I was thinking either way, you would have been right.

[Larry Miller]

Coal Miner's Daughter, where it's either talking.

[Adam Carolla]

About the TV show, not like the.

[Larry Miller]

Larry the Minds Moonshine, or move it on down the line.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm so. One more chance. Sorry. Let's try one more. All right.

[Larry Miller]

And let's see what happens now.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Larry Miller]

Someone from my mother.

[Adam Carolla]

The car. The guy who thinks he does good impressions or the guy who goes to the gym in his work clothes. You know, there's a guy. There's one of those guys you see working out. Once in a while, you see a guy jogging in jeans. That guy?

[Larry Miller]

Yeah. No, absolutely. When we were starting out as comics, we used to play softball in what they called the Broadway Show League. And there was always a lot of Italian guys from Queens who would be wearing brown lace shoes and dress pants to play softball.

[Adam Carolla]

Same thing, right?

[Larry Miller]

It bugs you, but not as much as the guy. The guy is impossible to live with. The guy who goes to workout or jogs in the jeans. There's a kind of a layer of nuts there that is just not possible to do. A bad impressionist. One thing. You can work on the impressions or you can pick obscure ones. I can do, you know, I can say, how about Peter O'Toole? Can you do that? Can you do one word of Rex Harrison? At least we'd have something to talk about. Never, ever. The guy is actually dangerous. A potential psychotic who jogs in jeans and lace shoes. He's got to be stopped. So I'd never, ever drive with him.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Larry Miller]

I was so close on the last one.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought they did a. Who does impressions first off? Again, he never stops hitting you up for gigs. So you're going to Orlando. Where are you playing? Over there. What? Corporate gig. But you got a middle, you know what I mean? I could. I could get in there. I could do some pretty good stuff. Then he starts laying it on you.

[Larry Miller]

So he's doing it as an audition?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's always that constant, you playing around. Where you playing? You playing in Orlando? I could do a little something. And he's always kind of bucking for that, you know. Larry, why do an hour, hour and 10 minutes. Let me do 20 minutes. Start the show by.

[Teresa Strasser]

He probably needs an agent and he'd like drinks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, who's your. Where are you? Over at caa. What do you got comedians?

[Teresa Strasser]

Because I do a.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have other impressionists?

[Teresa Strasser]

Christopher Walken.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's a funny bit. You know, it's a really funny bit I'll do. I'll call the agent up and start doing him back to him. They love that. They love that. Gets my foot in the door, right. Sometimes they don't know it for a while, but eventually when I keep just repeating, knock it off, then they know.

[Larry Miller]

By the way, it turns out he might be the next guy hired as a regular on the Hills.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree wholeheartedly. Larry Miller. You can go to Larry again. Sorry. And you're. I almost want to give you two and a half. I mean, a half a half. Because when you're doing the Hills just versus, you know, the geographic locations. You're almost right. But then turn out to be TV shows.

[Larry Miller]

No, I want to win fully.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, fair and square. Larry Miller, everyone. Go to LarryMillerHumor.com to find out the dates where he'll be performing around not only town, but the country. Sorry, Larry. Better luck next time you play the hypothetical road trip game. Thank you so much. And again, Larry Miller. Humor. Nice try. Valiant effort. Nice job, buddy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Thanks, Larry.

[Larry Miller]

I'm so happy with that half a victory, Larry.

[Adam Carolla]

K do I think right.

[Teresa Strasser]

But you know what? It was a moral victory in many ways.

[Adam Carolla]

It really was. All right, shall we bring our guest in? Shim. Yeah, yeah. Lead singer of the Australian rock band Sick Puppies. You can Twitter them at sickpuppies or see [e-mail]. oh, he brought a guitar. Okay, good. Put on your headphones there and have a seat.

[Shim Moore]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

So you brought not only a guitar, but you brought something to plug in?

[Shim Moore]

No, I just brought a tuner so it doesn't sound like crap.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. So I can't hear you as well as I think I should. Boom. There. That's probably. That's probably better. Thank you for having me. Yeah, my pleasure. Do you live in Australia?

[Shim Moore]

No, I live here. I live here. The band moved over here a little while ago. And.

[Adam Carolla]

There we go.

[Shim Moore]

This is nothing compared to the technical difficulties we've been dealing with on the last tour we just did.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Shim Moore]

We're on tour all the time. We got an album out called Tripolar, and we're just pretty much. We moved over here five years ago with a little bit of money and a couple of guitars and luckily got a record contract right when we ran out of cash.

[Adam Carolla]

How much? And tell me, as the lead singer, of a band. I'm going to try not to project too much, but it must happen because you say technical difficulties. You have your tech guys and your roadies and the guys that set up all this stuff, and you probably have a couple of requests, you know, and you say stuff like, I need the monitors to be a little bit louder on stage because last gig I couldn't hear myself. And then you start playing and realize they're turned almost all the way down. And then in the middle of the song, on one hand you're trying to sing the song, on the other hand you're thinking, I want to fucking kill that guy I told to turn the fucking monitors up. You actually turn them down. I do start screaming that at a certain point, but does that happen a lot?

[Shim Moore]

No, not really. Well, it happens. Like, we're fortunate that we've been doing it long enough that we've got a setup that's self contained. But stuff happens that there's nothing you can do about. There are things that happen. Like, things just turn.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

Think there's stuff that will happen no matter how much you prepare, that will just turn off and you'll have your own guys who have been working the job for 10 years, and you'll look over like, hey, what's wrong?

[Adam Carolla]

And they'll go, huh? Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

You know, like, fuck. Like you don't know what to do. So. And the problem is the audience. If they're watching you, all they see is you swearing at some guy on the side stage, right? So that's not really fair. So you really got to keep. You know that my job as a singer is to try and keep it rolling.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's not like when I was interviewing Stone Temple Pilots and I told Donnie for the 128th time since we started doing this show, shut your fucking phone. His phone would go off in his pocket every single time we filmed something. And he then put it on vibrate and set it between where one piece of carpet ended and the other piece of carpet began on a piece of oak flooring. And as I'm interviewing Scott Weiland, I can hear buzzing away. It was on vibrate, but he fucking set it on an oak floor. And I wanted to just yell, like I was saying, so, Scott, you know, making the transition from Velvet Revolver. And I want to yell, so, Scott, what's it like watching me want to fucking kill Donnie with his goddamn fucking iPhone over there? Fucking buzzing away with a fucking. Told him a thousand times to fucking put the ringer off. So he puts it on fucking Vibrate. Then he sets it on an oak floor and I'm going insane. That doesn't happen yet.

[Shim Moore]

That doesn't happen to me.

[Teresa Strasser]

Can I ask a question about Shim's guitar playing? Because the story is that your father was a computer programmer and he got you a program that helps you learn how to play guitar on the computer.

[Shim Moore]

Yeah, well, I went through a few different things. I played a few different instruments. I have a very short attention Spanish. So I played a few different instruments. We'd go for a couple lessons. He'd pay for like 10 lessons. And then I just wouldn't go to the last eight. And then he got me this guitar program and I started learning how to play chords and I started learning how to write songs. And eventually I went to a guitar teacher who taught me how to play other people's songs. But it was at the bottom of this really long hill that I didn't like to get back up, so I stopped going to them too. And then eventually I just started writing songs and then met Emma, who's the bass player in the band, and we started the band and that was it.

[Adam Carolla]

And you brought your guitar with you today. Would you like to play something?

[Shim Moore]

I would love to play something if that's cool. The song that I've got, as long.

[Adam Carolla]

As it's Hocus Pocus by Focus, that would be fun.

[Shim Moore]

So this song that, that I'm gonna do is the brand new single, which I hope you guys like. Man.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe I'm a dreamer.

[Shim Moore]

Maybe I misunderstood maybe you're not seeing this, Adam. Maybe I'm crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe I'm the only one.

[Shim Moore]

And maybe I'm just out of touch maybe I've decided and maybe it's time to change and leave it all behind But I've never been for to walk alone I've always been scared to try so why does it feels so wrong to reach for something more to wanna live a better life? What am I waiting for? Cause nothing stays the same maybe it's time to change maybe it's hopeless maybe I should just. Cause what if I can't trust myself? What if I just need some help? And maybe it's time it changed and leave it all blind I've never been one to walk alone I've always been scared to try so why does it feel so wrong to reach for something more to want to live a better life? What am I waiting for? Cause nothing stays the same maybe it's time to change and maybe it's time to change and leave it all behind I've never been one to walk alone? I've always been scared to try? And maybe it's time to change and leave it all behind? I've never been one to walk alone? I've always been scared to try? So why does it feel so wrong? To reach for something more? To want to live a better life? What am I waiting for? Cause nothing stays the same and maybe it's time to change? Cause nothing stays the same? Maybe it's time to change.

[Adam Carolla]

Puppies Tripolar is the name of the album that is out on itunes, Amazon, and stores everywhere. Nice work.

[Shim Moore]

Thank you, man. I forgot to say, actually, that song is called maybe in case you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Maybe. Well, Adam, can I just review and then ask you a question? So Shim Moore is in a really up and coming popular band, the Sick Puppies. He's got an Australian accent, unlike most musicians. He's quite tall. He's extremely talented.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

He's got to be getting like John Mayer levels of poon.

[Adam Carolla]

Nanny. Mm. You single?

[Shim Moore]

Is there a question?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You getting lots of women?

[Shim Moore]

There's a lot of opportunities there. Opportunities. But actually, the irony is we have a drummer in our band.

[Adam Carolla]

You can.

[Shim Moore]

When you go to sickpuppies.com There is a drummer who's even better looking than me. Yeah, I mean, originally I was just really lonely. I went on Craigslist for the Casual Encounters and he was.

[Adam Carolla]

He was. So he was fronting.

[Shim Moore]

He said he was a lady. And so we met up and he said, I actually play the drums well. And we met up and we. And Emma liked him a lot as well. So we started this band. But every time these women, they come up and they're like, you know, that's. That accent is really hot.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Shim Moore]

And then Mark just fucking comes right in and takes my.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shim Moore]

Because, I mean, yeah, the Australian accents are good, but Mark, this drummer just. I mean, when you hit something that hard, you know, it just.

[Teresa Strasser]

Girls like the drum.

[Adam Carolla]

Very rhythmic. Block is one of those things. It sounds like a good thing. It does. It really does.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like euthanasia.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. Yeah, it's like you're like, you're there to protect the president. Your cock comes sailing at him. You dive in front of him in slow motion. It's like you think that, like, you know, P. Diddy would travel with a bunch of cock blockers and stuff like that. It's a horrible thing, but it sounds like it would be a good thing.

[Giovanni]

We gotta bring back that.

[Adam Carolla]

We gotta bring back that bit where we do the things that Sound better than they are. Yeah. The worst thing you can do, the worst thing you can do to a guy is to be a cockblocker. Sounds like this guy's my wing.

[Teresa Strasser]

He doesn't intend to be a cock walker.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he does, he does.

[Shim Moore]

It's part of the game. But originally it started because I used to line him up when I was dating a girl. I used to say, all right, well, hi, it's nice to meet you. Have you met Mark? And then Mark just ran with it.

[Teresa Strasser]

You were a wingman and then he is a cockblock.

[Shim Moore]

I never knew how to be a wingman when I started. It was actually ironic when you guys, I was listening to you guys before when you were talking about the bullying thing because my social skills, well, they still suck, but they sucked a lot before I came over here and figured out that I had to talk to people, network and do that sort of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how did it work in Australia? Are there not enough people around to learn social skills?

[Shim Moore]

No, it was my fault. I just was that kid, you know, that kid, like you guys are talking about cyber bullying and bullying and stuff. I was that kid. That was why I picked up the guitar.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. And your dad, did he help you with that or. She is sort of an older nerd.

[Shim Moore]

He was, he was this. It's actually a really interesting thing. He was the same thing when he was a kid. He got bullied when he was a kid, so he didn't learn. So when he had a kid of his own, he just didn't think to ask.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Shim Moore]

And I think that's actually what is going on. A lot of the time when this issue comes up and people are like, you know, what do we do, what's going on, all that sort of stuff. Nobody asks the parents who were seeing your kid every day, you know, they, a lot of the time they don't think too often.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And that was the thing with me.

[Shim Moore]

I actually wound up having a conversation about a year ago where I was like, you know, he has a another couple of kids with another woman. And we were talking about what he does when the kid screws up, what's the reprimand? And I said, you know, did you used to be that lenient with me and not be very disciplined? And he was like, yeah, but you worked out cool. And I said, yeah, but I was miserable, dude. Like, you should have.

[Teresa Strasser]

Did you not notice that?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Shim Moore]

Yeah, I said, you know, I asked him, like, did you know, how come you did, you know, like he said, he said to Me. He said to me, why didn't you say anything? And I said, why didn't you ask?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Shim Moore]

And he said, well, I just never thought to ask.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I always think the, you know, it's parents these days, but the parents of the kids that are doing the bullying are the people I would like to bully.

[Shim Moore]

This, you and me are gonna get along because I have a little brother in school who got brought. Who got bullied as well. And I followed the kids home.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah.

[Shim Moore]

I made them piss their pants.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't do anything to them.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Shim Moore]

I scared the shit out of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, good.

[Shim Moore]

I said, if you touch my brother again. I just. I just said, you're just. You're just. Something bad's gonna happen. And I just made out and made him scared.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the.

[Shim Moore]

Fix it up.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing that's crazy is, you know, there's a small percentage who are good parents and they raise their kids right, and then the kid just goes out. Bullies. And they have no way of knowing it, but most of them are sort of monsters created in the lab. And then the worst part are the ones that defend the kid. Hey, listen, he's just expressing himself. If you can't handle it, you know, that kind of parent, our boys will be boys.

[Teresa Strasser]

So we punched him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. Boys will be boys. And of course it then gets to it, you know, the extreme version of bullying is shooting people. Like, you know, I have nine kids, I don't look after them. They're running wild on the streets. What the fuck are you supposed to do about it? And they're putting a bullet in somebody's head. But either way, I want the fucking parents held responsible for this. We. A story I haven't told in a million years was we did a little frontier justice ourselves one day, which is I don't know if Donnie. See if Donnie's back there. I don't know if Donnie was living at the apartment back in the day, but I was still in our first apartment. Donnie. It gotten too insane. And Donnie moved back to his parents house. At a certain point when it got a little nutty, he had a place to go. I did not. But we went down. I went down to my garage one day and the entire alley had been spray painted. And it said Egbert all over the place. Just Egbert all over our garage. All over everyone's garage. This was Sunday morning. And I just thought, fuck, somebody tagged our garage and tagged everyone's garage in the alley. And you know, pretty late at night because we got home at, like, 2 in the morning from partying. And this didn't happen then. This happened like, 2, 3, 4 in the morning. So we said, who the hell did this? And then a friend of ours said, I know a guy named Toad who probably knows Snake. Said, I know a guy named Toad. And the whole animal came out reptile. And I bet you I know who Egbert is. You bet Toad knows who Egbert is. And we all piled into a car, and we started heading off for where this guy Toad lived. And on the way to driving to this guy's cargo. On the way in, a car drove past us, and this guy Toad was in the car.

[Teresa Strasser]

Where was Turtle?

[Adam Carolla]

He was in the trunk. So we saw this guy Toad, and he said, that's him. And we whipped around, and next thing you know, we're following him, and he sees us following him. And the next thing you know, we're on Ventura Boulevard and there's a cop who just. He's not following us. But the cop just kept going straight with us for, like, five miles. And this guy wouldn't turn, and we wouldn't turn. Eventually, the cop turns off, pull up next to him, and Toad. Snake yells at Toad, who's Egbert. Don't bother running. If you do run, I'm going to just catch up to you and kick the shit out of you at some party. You'll never stop looking over your shoulder. Just yell it out now. And he yells out the guy's name. And I realize, wait a minute. I know this guy's older brother. I remember where he used to live in North Hollywood. And I literally. We drive to the guy's house. I just tap on the door, like, hello. And parents, open the door. This is Sunday morning. The guy went and did his tagging at, like, 3am Saturday night. This is Sunday morning. Knock on the door. We think your son was involved with tagging and, you know, spray painting. Our garage will come in before you jump there. Actually, all of us were, like, ready to go barge into this house. And Adam did the. Listen, one of us should walk in there and be, you know, reasonable and. Oh, yeah. Were you in the car with us? Were you there? Yeah. Todd was, like, leaning out of the window, like in a movie or something. Yeah. Half his body yelling at the guy.

[Shim Moore]

By the way, who was the reasonable one?

[Adam Carolla]

You. I was a reasonable one. Adam's always the reasonable one. So I said, we're gonna go in there, we're gonna talk to these people. We walked. I said, let me go in There. So I banged on the door. They let me in. The parents both let me in and said, wow, we're concerned about this. Like, what's the issue? And then they said. And like, out of a movie, the father said, you know, I was missing a couple cans of spray paint. I was looking for the. And then they went and said, greg. The guy's name was Greg. That's where the egg. Part of the egg. Bert came in. He said, greg, could you come in here? And the poor kid had just got up, like, 10 minutes early. He was, like, stepping out of the shower, like, had a towel around him. He, like, walked in the living room. He's like, yeah, what's going on, Greg? Were you out spray painting an alley last night? And he was like, yeah. And they just busted the kid right on the spot. And so he had to paint over the whole alley. But the point is, this guy was out spray painting at, like, three in the morning. And by 10am the next morning, popped in his living room. Yeah, but part of your rationale, though, to the parents would listen. We got a crazy manager that walks around with a Coors can and a loaded piece. Yeah, Al, our manager, walked around with a gun tucked in his sweatpants and a beer koozie that said Coors on it. So I was like, you get your son shot. Although really just wanted the shit taken off our garage. He painted the whole alley. The point is, a couple blocks, actually. He didn't get eight hours of enjoyment out of his tagging. And by the way, in his mind, he just went out and tagged totally random alley, not near his house. Didn't know anybody, nothing. And then there's a bunch of guys standing in the living room the following morning. The weird detective thing is, how did the one guy know that the Toad would know who did it? Like, what about Toad led him to believe there was a couple of little hoodlums who had a little sort of quasi gang, a little crew. And also, I would say, you know what? Now we're sounding like old people. But when we grew up, it was a much smaller valley and everybody sort of knew everybody. Older brothers, somehow. Snake knew Todd knew Egbert, and we. Well, we didn't know if it was gonna work out. It's just. It's just Snake. Yes. Snake knew Toad knew. Knew Egbert. That's what it was. And so Snake said, we gotta find Toad. And we went along with it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Listen, can I just say, is one reason I'm happy I have a male child because girl on girl bullying Is one of the most deeply venal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

Hideous things. Get. That can happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Black eyes heal.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Being called fat doesn't.

[Teresa Strasser]

Your soul cannot be painted over like the alleyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

There's not enough cruelty. There's not enough kilts or primer. Go over that soul.

[Teresa Strasser]

And imagine now with the inner Internet, it's one thing when people would talk shit about you and it could be erased.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, it's another thing when they. I'm sure they post horrible things on Facebook about each other.

[Shim Moore]

That's the new thing, apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't one girl kill herself a couple years ago?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that's a girl on girl bullying.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think. Which I don't mind when I rent it, but I hate to hear about it. I think the mom was defending her, and it's a horrible parenting. All right, T, how about you give a couple of news stories and we'll bring it on home. And now the rest of the news with Theresa Strasser.

[Teresa Strasser]

Paris Hilton was charged with felony cocaine possession following her Friday arrest in Vegas. During a traffic stop, cops spotted a baggie of white powder from her purse turned out to contain 0.8 grams of cocaine.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. That's not that much.

[Teresa Strasser]

I've never even seen cocaine.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yummy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is it good?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good. Cocaine's really good.

[Teresa Strasser]

Delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Delicious. You never felt fucking better, really. All that bullying, all the bus rides, all the horrible divorce and all the frizzy hair. Teachers asking if you're pregnant when you're in the ninth grade would all melt away. It would all magically melt away with one little tootsky.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah, I remember this. I think I must have been in fifth grade, because I remember I like this boy Johnny, and this girl Leslie, who was evil because this is how girls bully each other. She took it upon herself to. And to this day now, I think she might have been making it up, but she's like, I talked to Johnny, and he says he's not really interested because he thinks you're too pale and fat.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Coin toss.

[Teresa Strasser]

She might have been making up just to be evil. Or he might have said that she.

[Adam Carolla]

May have added pale to Johnny.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you think he just went with fat?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Probably just started with fat. Don't you think? Teresa's pale and fat. And he's like. I guess, like, no, seriously, pale and fat. He's like, yeah, you're right. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And that day, an eating disorder was born. Anyway, Cy Waits, Paris's boyfriend was driving the car at the time. They were Pulled over. He was arrested for DUI. The 34 year old was fired from his job as head of the nightclub operations for Wynn and Encore Properties shortly after the bush.

[Adam Carolla]

What the hell? You're not a nightclub corporation. Getting drunk and driving Paris Hilton around, is that part of the job?

[Teresa Strasser]

They're in charge of a party. That's what they do. Yeah, but Wynn says they have a zero tolerance policy with their club execs when it comes to brushes with the law.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's no. You don't hear about the 10 or 15% tolerance.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, it's always zero.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay. I don't know why this is news.

[Adam Carolla]

Somehow no tolerance got replaced by zero tolerance.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's synonymous, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It is. It's not like somebody needed to fix no tolerance. We have no tolerance for this. No one went. Well, that's a little vague. What's that mean?

[Teresa Strasser]

No, zero sounds tougher.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right.

[Shim Moore]

I think. Are you talking about DUIs?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's like when people go, you're fired, effective immediately. Like, okay, I got you're fired. The part where you yelled at me I was fired is good enough.

[Shim Moore]

That was the thing for me to get used to. The way that you guys handle DUIs over here was weird because in Australia, it's tenfold more.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Shim Moore]

It's so much more intense.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? There is. There's a. There's.

[Shim Moore]

What do you call the drunk tanks or drink tanks? Yeah, every corner, every. Every freeway exit. It's like when you go to the airport and there's like you could get pulled over at any moment. Really, there's no leeway whatsoever. There's zero tolerance.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, what do you think about this?

[Adam Carolla]

Cancel my vacation.

[Teresa Strasser]

What do you think about this? Mel Gibson is speaking on behalf of all Australians.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not. Oh, whoa.

[Shim Moore]

You can't ask me to speak on behalf of all Australians. But tell me what the latest in the Mel Gibson situation is.

[Teresa Strasser]

There's nothing new, but, you know, he's obviously gotten a few. Well, he had the one dui.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Pch. So you'd think if he was used to the tough. The no tolerance policy over there in Australia, he'd be more.

[Shim Moore]

Well, no, he's been over here for too long.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Shim Moore]

We're actually Sick Puppies is on the. Is pretty much borderline Americanized as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Now.

[Shim Moore]

We've been here for so long that we've got. We travel between stateside and as soon as you cross the border, you can change your accent just to fit in. Just to be able to order a Cappuccino.

[Adam Carolla]

To be fair to Mel, every time he looks in his rear view, he sees a big leather homo muscle man driving a dune buggy and chasing him. You guys never saw a Road Warrior? Road Warrior, Yeah. I'm just saying, little flashback action. I'm still. He's still mad.

[Teresa Strasser]

Max, 33 Chilean miners are trapped and five of them are showing signs of depression.

[Adam Carolla]

Why wouldn't you.

[Shim Moore]

Yeah, I know, but are they got dominoes? I mean, I don't understand what the big cards.

[Teresa Strasser]

One miner has proposed.

[Shim Moore]

Proposed to one of the other miners.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, actually.

[Shim Moore]

Well, hey, it's intimate. You can't judge. I don't know what I do after three months.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Shim Moore]

I mean, I know, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

You have a bond with your bandmates.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, my whole thing has always been. And you guys know this, what happens 2,000ft below the surface of the Earth stays 2,000ft below the surface. Yeah, yeah, that's my policy.

[Shim Moore]

I think they've probably made that rule for themselves. They're probably crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Shit, now, shim just broke out that you can't judge. Yeah, I like that.

[Shim Moore]

If I was 2,000ft under the ground, I'd be getting up to just the term.

[Adam Carolla]

Just using the term. You can't judge.

[Giovanni]

That's strong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like that.

[Teresa Strasser]

So they. Before they had any contact with the outside world, they seem to have been getting along very well. They were rationing their tin. Tuna and cookies and milk. You think there would be chaos in Lord of the Flies, but so far not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think I see certain camaraderie. See him handling.

[Shim Moore]

Is that them? Is that a picture of them?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

That's funny.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, there was a lot of controversy about whether or not to tell them the truth, which is you may be in there till Christmas. So they brought in a lot of psychologists and they ended up kind of leveling with them that you're gonna be in there a while.

[Adam Carolla]

How many psychologists do they have in Chile? I feel like there's not a whole bunch of Jewish guys wearing bad tweed jackets.

[Teresa Strasser]

Did you think they had to import them, like from other countries?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm guessing if they needed more than one, they had to import. They had to import.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I think you're right. I don't think you have a big wide selection of therapists under your Blue Cross plan over there in Chile.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, they are getting some advice from NASA because they train astronauts for isolation. So they have some experience with how to handle being trapped somewhere.

[Shim Moore]

You know what, they should get sick puppies to go over there, man. We've been in a bus for the last four years straight.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you could at least play down the blowhole. You know what I mean?

[Shim Moore]

We could do. I think there's no. I think a counselor. If you could put someone who's been in a band on a tour bus dealing with each other, which is definitely smaller than the cavity that they're probably. And also, we're in a band with a girl and it's like the. I could.

[Adam Carolla]

I could probably.

[Shim Moore]

I think I could help.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what you could do. You could talk into that.

[Shim Moore]

How are they communicating with them?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You do the thing. Shim. You just get down there.

[Teresa Strasser]

Send stuff down.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Hey, listen, you guys. Cry me a river. Yeah, we had to go from Portland to Boston once in a van. Not an extended van, just a regular van. We had to make it in four days. Two gigs in one night. And I only got one blow job, by the way, when we're in Boston because one of the chicks got too sick. So anyway, those of you feeling sorry for yourself down there, think again. Oh, and my guitar tuner broke, so I didn't have anything to work with all the way there. We had to. We had to just listen to the stereo and one of the speakers was broken.

[Shim Moore]

Merry Christmas.

[Adam Carolla]

Merry Christmas. I'll see you in heaven. Oh, that's right, you're already there. Thank you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, is there any one song or album?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's something off. Our first album actually went off the river called Trapped. My first Frank.

[Teresa Strasser]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

This?

[Teresa Strasser]

If we were still doing Music Mondays, you could have your song that you'd want to hear while trapped in a mine. You know what would uplift you if you were down there?

[Adam Carolla]

This is push your little daisies and make them come out. There we go. Brian's got one, right? You've all just been Rick rolled.

[Teresa Strasser]

That would cheer up 33 miners. Yeah, who doesn't love a Rickrolling?

[Shim Moore]

There's 33 of them down there.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah, I think a couple of them maybe aren't as well as the others.

[Adam Carolla]

Now listen, if you don't start rationing, I'm gonna pump down dirty laundry on a fucking reel. It's never gonna end. I'm never gonna stop.

[Shim Moore]

It's gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna go right from the end of dirty laundry right back to the beginning of dirty laundry. So please mellow out down there and start your rationing or you will be sonically punished.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, quick question about your stitcher extra content story. Are you going to be interested in a Guy in Florida and his crazy pet. Or five signs your toddler is depressed.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, I like five signs your toddler's depressed.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's what we'll be doing. For now, that is the news.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, the news with Teresa Strasser. Eat a dick. MSNBC shim. Thank you very much for coming in here. Your guitar. I should tell everyone. Sick Puppies can be [e-mail] that's wwickpuppies.net Very easy to find. And you can find out where they're playing. They'll be in Baltimore and they'll be in Nashville and they'll be in Louisville and Daytona. And they never stop traveling in that mine of theirs. Yeah, also. Oh, got one more little shout out for go to meeting. Thanks. That's right. Travel less. Not like the Sick puppies. Travel less with go to meeting. How does it work? Well, you can host sales presentations, training sessions, or product demos right from your desk. Just 49 bucks a month. Unlimited online meetings. You know, five meetings. You can have 5,000 meetings, all for one low flat monthly rate. Donnie and Sandy use it. They love it. And we got a little special. That's right, my listeners can go to or try out GoToMeeting for free 45 days. Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the Try it free button and type in the promo code Adam for the special free extended 45 day trial. They're a great company and they're better sponsor. Go to meeting. All right.

[Shim Moore]

It sounded like AA to me. Go to alcoholics.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I'm a business traveler. Travels too much. My name is Mike. Yes, you have something, Dawson, and you're feeling good. All right? So until next time, it's Adam Crawford. Paul, Brian Shim and Teresa Strauss are saying mahalo. And now your Adam Carolla Extra. All right, today's little extra moment is going to be a sonic one. Instead of my nasally drone, you'll hear the melodic tones of Shimmer from Sick Puppies Shin.

[Shim Moore]

Ready to roll?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm ready.

[Shim Moore]

All right, this is the single that we just had out. This one's called Odd. I want you never alone. I'm here and I will reflect you. Both of us basically unattached to anything or anyone. Unless we're pretending. You live your life in your head. Some call it imagination.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagination.

[Shim Moore]

But I'd rather focus instead on anything except what I'm feeling. What I'm feeling, I want. Yeah, it's gonna be okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

They'Re gonna laugh at this one day.

[Adam Carolla]

Odd one.

[Shim Moore]

I wish I Was you. You're never concerned with acceptance. And we are all desperately seeking out and fitting in with anyone who will accept us. But not you lot.

[Adam Carolla]

1. Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

It'S gonna be okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

Going to laugh at this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Day hey.

[Shim Moore]

It'S going to be okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

Going to laugh at this one day?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

It'S gonna be okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Shim Moore]

We'Re gonna laugh at this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Day.

[Shim Moore]

Don'T let someone tell you you know no one. Don't let someone tell you you know what I want.

[Adam Carolla]

That was your Adam Corolla extra. And now your Adam Corolla extra. All right, as promised, the rest of the rest of the news, the extra news with Teresa Strasser.

[Teresa Strasser]

T New York times has an amazing article. It is on preschool depression. And this is likely to join parents what to worry about lexicon. Sure, Psychologists used to think that toddlers were too immature to be depressed. But a growing number of experts think that depression can hit a kid as early as two or three. And they give you five signs because if your child is depressed, they're saying you can intervene. So you should look for these things.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta smack it out of them.

[Teresa Strasser]

Smack it out of them or talk it out, whichever. It's up to you.

[Adam Carolla]

I let my fist do my talking, but that's me.

[Teresa Strasser]

One inability to experience joy or pleasure. Look for that. You've heard that word anhedonia, my favorite word in the English language.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's talk about something that sounds beautiful and isn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Anhedonia.

[Teresa Strasser]

It means the inability to experience joy from things that are supposed to be pleasurable.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my mom should have been called.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Anedonia Carolina.

[Teresa Strasser]

Annie for short. Right. You ever been, like, somewhere really fun, like a carnival or a picnic or you think, I know I'm supposed to be having fun, but I'm not?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I've been totally bummed out by some girlfriend that dumped me or something and just been unable to experience pleasure.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. Incidentally, they say that that was the working title for Woody Allen's movie Annie Hall.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Teresa Strasser]

Also look for morbid play.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

Kids considering killing themselves may orchestrate scenarios involving death or violence.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. That was actually the working title of the movie Meatballs.

[Teresa Strasser]

Was it?

[Adam Carolla]

Morbid play.

[Teresa Strasser]

Morbid play. People don't know that frustrated outbursts that stem from sadness. Anxiety is a big marker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Let me say this. We're so freaked out over our kids physical health, but the mental health, that's what you should. I would rather my kid be confined to a wheelchair with a positive attitude. Felt good about themselves and generally enjoyed their life. And not only their life, but life. You know, this is just basically appreciated life and enjoyed it versus completely able bodied with six pack abs and depressed and miserable.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

You fucking just created your own little children's ward to the world's worst hospital when you're depressed and bummed out. And I've said it a million times, no one really. All these PSAs about talk to your kids and all this shit about what to feed them and how many, like, how many PSAs have there been about strapping your kid into a child's seat and about the airbags, about having to ride in the back seat and turn the baby seat and face it this way. That's written all over the fucking baby seat that comes with the baby seat. That's in the instructions when you install the baby seat. How about one that says dance for your kids?

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Not talk. Dance.

[Teresa Strasser]

How about walk in the room and smile?

[Adam Carolla]

Dance it up. Fucking party with. Put on a little Fergalicious, Whip it up. Goof off. I do fucking little crazy dances for my kids and they start laughing their ass off at how silly dad is and it's awesome.

[Teresa Strasser]

Lastly, look for another behavioral disorder. So if your kid already has ADHD or. I never heard this. Odd. Oppositional Defiant disorder. If they already have.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the name of the dog from Garfield.

[Teresa Strasser]

It OD. OD, right? This is Odd.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's his brother. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

They discover that 40% of these depressed toddler subjects have either ADHD or Odd.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, listen, let's really. Again, let's stop worried about worrying about the allergies and the radon gas and the fluorocarbons and the ozone and all that and just start fucking smiling in front of your kids.

[Teresa Strasser]

Just smiling and dancing.

[Adam Carolla]

Smile, Dance it up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now why don't you do a PSA with Fergie and the two of you dance to Fergalicious. And then you deliver your message of spreading joy to your kids instead of bumming them out.

[Adam Carolla]

Only if she tells a story about trying to fuck me about 10 years ago.

[Teresa Strasser]

Done.

[Adam Carolla]

That was your Adam Carolla extra.

[Giovanni]

All right. That was Adam Carolla Show 395. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla Show 572, featuring me from 2011. I return to the show. This might be my fifth appearance. I'd have to actually check. Of course. The contractor's house is the shittiest on the block. It's the only thing I don't keep track of are my appearances on the show. I know I'm in the Five Timers Club. @ least there's tons of phoners. This is a 55 minute short one. Apparently there's some rapid fire questions. I have no idea what me or Adam discussed in this episode. Let's all listen together and find out.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Adam Karl from the Adam Karolla show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting from the earliest on to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline Bet online. The game starts here today. Adam sits down one on one with super fan Giovanni and now the other person who hears Adam in his head 24 7. Adam Carolla yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on Mandate get it on. Check out one man's opinion and Face to Face with Ace New clips every week. Huffingtonpost.com Comedy and speaking of comedy, you can see us doing the live podcast at the House of Blues June 2nd. Dana Gould's coming out. He's always funny. And also at the palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco. This is a stand up show, not a live podcast show. This is a full fledged stand upper June 4th. That is this Saturday, so check it out. All right. Giovanni, hey, how you doing? What's going on? I love these shows by the way, because it's a we get to talk about moi, B I don't have to push anything. You just do the talking or ask the questions and c usually ask me stuff I don't know about. Yeah, Giovanni knows much more about me than I know about me. I have weird selective memory stuff and I don't remember most of the things I say because I don't write down most those things and turn them into things. I just shoot them out or spout them out and especially when you start dipping back into love line and things like that. Giovanni is a super fan and Giovanni somehow started off many years ago with a love line and just started showing up early and often and turned out to be really indispensable. Giovanni would come pick us up when we're out doing our road gigs, rent the car, make the drive, stay up all night, drive us, drive back and forth, stay to state. I mean, just turned out to be a real, real strong member of the crew here. So since Giovanni knows more about me than I know about me, then Giovanni can ask the questions that the people want to know the answer to. Right, Giovanni?

[Giovanni]

Absolutely. Ace. And in preparation, I went back and listened to our other four episodes we've done. And I started with the first one, and it was episode 188, and it's about 400 episodes ago. And I asked you the question, what happened to our pirate ship? Really? It was kind of early in the run and that's the one you responded to. And you're like, oh, that's a tough question. And you gave this really thoughtful answer. Is back with the CBS hosting and stuff was going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

And now on the Tim Daly app, you kind of revealed this huge news, and I don't think it got the reaction it kind of deserved that you put this kind of a leap of faith. You're huge leap of faith you're taking with the show and anybody. That's because a lot of fans are now asking, what happened to our pirate ship. It's like, hey, I asked that two years ago and we solved it. So now to those fans, how would you convince them if they aren't already convinced that this is what you're doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think the problem with Hollywood is there's so much bullshit being thrown around that when you throw around the truth, people just assume it's more bullshit. You know, I said that I don't want to get really specific in terms of the company that I turned down and stuff, because out of just respect for them, because I feel bad, I left them at the altar. They did a lot of paperwork. We had a lot of meetings. They burnt a lot of calories and ended up with a pillowcase filled with nothing. And that's frustrating. And I don't want to disrespect them. I can tell you that it was more than a million dollars a year. It was a three year deal. It was a guaranteed three year deal. So it was thus a multimillion dollar three year deal. That was one of the things, the guarantee. People talk about contracts, but they're not guaranteed. They'll just cut you the next year. It doesn't matter. Or they'll go, hey, in year number two, we want to start paying you $8 to do the show. And you don't really have much choice if you don't have a no cut contract, if you don't have a guaranteed contract. So if you have a contract, see, what they'll do is they'll go, we'll pay you this much for the first year and then the second year and the third year are options. And those options can be your best friend, but usually they're your worst enemy. So this was a guaranteed deal. And it was guaranteed. It was a three hour nightly radio show and, you know, wasn't four hours and it wasn't, I didn't have to get up at 5am and it was nice. For me, it would have been an evening show syndicated with a television component to it, and they would have built me a studio in my other warehouse and so on and so forth. So it had a whole bunch of really good things going for it. And it wouldn't have prevented me from doing this. This would have been completely carved out of the deal. But I felt as though it would be a distraction and that it would use up a lot of my time and that it, no matter what you said, it would cut into my dedication to this and then, and then growing this. So about the best we could have done is business as usual in terms of this podcast sort of flatlined it, so to speak. So for me, I just thought this was the future. And I also thought symbolically it wasn't the right thing to do. It's not symbolically. You know, in life, so much of it is about actions, you know, and you know, when a guy says, you're my number one gal, but I just don't want to get engaged, Maybe you're not number one or maybe our number one, but his version of number one isn't your version of number one. You know, it's about the actions in life. There's a lot of, I wanted to do this, I was planning on doing this. Don't worry, I'm always focusing on you. You're my number one client. I just haven't called you in six months. There's a lot of that bullshit in life. And I just realized it's hard to say, yeah, I'm doing the syndicated radio show and I'm doing this television show and I'm doing this other project and so on and so forth, and I'm focused on it and busy with it and it's a daily show, but don't worry, podcast, you're still number one. It's just you're speaking out of both sides of your mouth.

[Giovanni]

As a fan, the idea of you doing Three hours a day is great, but the idea of you doing three hours censored and then with corporate masters again and maybe having do air checks or whatever the bullshit they might make you do, it seem. It seemed like going backwards. I like the idea of you, you know, like when you see you talk about the Hammer DVDs, all the projects you've done, and how they essentially just rip you off, you know, like you go, hey, where's the accounting on this? And they don't. They don't do it. I like the idea of you being able to release things and your projects where you actually, you know, see some return on what you. All your work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And the things, you know, for me that always come out the best, you know, when you say. And also I got spoiled because I started doing these live shows and I wrote my book and I started doing the podcast and I started realizing the stuff I do minus other people is always better when there's not a bunch of semi retarded chefs in my kitchen. It's just better I spend. Because half my energy when I do a project is trying to talk assholes out of their horrible ideas. That's half of it. And then if I'm not completely tired or tuckered out or spent from trying to talk imbeciles who think they have a sense of humor because they have a degree from an Ivy League school out of their fucking retarded ideas and then just arguing with them in general, then if there's a little energy left, I can put that toward the creative side of whatever it is we're doing, versus doing a book, doing the live show, doing this podcast, doing an independent film. You know, all the stuff I did that if you take a look at, that's it. Minus other people.

[Giovanni]

Always the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Always the best. And even the man show, we quickly got the producers out of there. See, that's something we could.

[Giovanni]

Fans we didn't really know about. You didn't talk about that much on Lovelines. More later. More recently, you've been speaking about the Stone Stanley thing. It was about two years ago, the first time I ever heard about you guys officially just banning them. It's being, you know, Kimmel's idea. And then what happened when Rogan and Stanhope took over and they got creative input allowed back into the show. It is a clear example of what happens if the meddling producers are able to shove their fat hands in there.

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty simple. I mean, it's a simple equation. Man show season one through four is me and Jimmy minus a bunch of suits and man Show Season 5 is when the suits is when we turned it over to the suits and said, now you go ahead and do whatever you want to do. We're going to go over to ABC and start working on a late night show. They can spin it any way they want to spin it. And you can talk about, you know, casting Stan Hope or casting Rogan. But I'll ask you this. Who cast them? I mean, Jimmy didn't cast them. You geniuses cast these guys. And then you geniuses oversaw the production of the show and then you saw. Oversaw all the hiring and all the writers and all the what have you. And the sum total of your work.

[Giovanni]

Is something that's not good enough to be rerun on television, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That when G4 got hold of it, they said, Nah, season five, no thanks. So that's what you guys do. And all I'm saying is it doesn't make you bad parents and doesn't make you bad people, but it does make me go, next time you have an idea, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Because evidently your ideas are pretty fucking bad.

[Giovanni]

Well, back to the deal that you turned down. You announced that you decided in Milwaukee and I was with you and I had no idea you had all this shit like going on. Like, it wasn't even discussed. It was like. It was shocking to me that you were this huge stuff on your mind. And it got me thinking. You're able to kind of effort effortlessly exist in the present is kind of how I see it. Like, you don't. While you comment and you make note of people fucking you over and all this terrible shit that happens or possible ways they're gonna fuck you over in the future. You don't dwell on it or like stress about. You just keep moving forward like a shark. And I wonder how that came to be or if you can somehow give me. Give the audience or me like some sort of tips to do that or is it possible to teach somebody to not give a shit about what happened before, what's gonna happen tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Think of more of myself as a tuna. I don't know why. Sharks. A little noble for me. Tuna's a decent enough fish.

[Giovanni]

I don't know if they keep moving, though. That's the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, they move. Hey, ever see a tuna napping? You don't see that. Do you, like, come in and like, hey, that tuna's taking a shit over there and he's reading the sports page now he's moving. So I'd say Tuna. I have this weird way to compartmentalize things that are going on with me, which is I could have a ton on my brain, and I could be in the middle of a personal situation that is, you know, or it could be brought to tears that night and still come in and just do love line, and you'd never know the difference between that love line and any other love line. You could tell me that, you know, my dad's not a good example. Let's see. Bob Yerich, Bob Yurich. Something I'd be really broken up about. Let's say you could tell me that Bob Yerick was riddled with cancer and only had days to live, and I could go in and do Loveline, and you wouldn't know. You wouldn't know the difference. You know, you. For the. For the most part, I'm able to have a division between whatever's going on personally or whatever's going on with my professional life or love life or any of that. And then walking on stage, I have a prime example.

[Giovanni]

I did an episode of my show with Lynette, and she wanted clips from, like, you know, she was like, the night that you guys ended your engagement in, like, 99 and had Topher Grace as a guest, which is odd. You were just on Kimmel with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

And we only have a short amount of it. But you can't tell. Like, you're just exhausted because you're doing. You were doing 1-800-Collect commercials that day.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

But you can't tell, like, there's no, like. Like, you know, personal issues coming up. There's nothing. There's nothing affecting you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is. You know, I mean, I've always kind of been that way. I don't understand. I mean, it's like, look, you know, I'm sure whatever airplane pilot you have is not always having the greatest day when he's flying the plane, and maybe him and his old lady are going through a rough patch, or maybe his stepdaughter just screamed I hate you, or whatever it is, but you don't want that to affect the way the guy's flying the airplane. And I don't look at it much differently than that, which is a job to do, which at that time was a love line or whatever else I was doing, bizarrely and sadly would be comedy. Doing the man show or doing whatever. Being upset about something, either from a personal standpoint or a professional standpoint, and being able just to do the show. It also seemed like the kind of thing that you're going to have to learn early and often, because, let's face it, you're doing this business and you're trying to live your life, and in living your life, there's going to be ups and downs and setbacks and people are going to die on you and there's going to be emotional times. And if that just got woven into every. I mean, it be impossible to go shoot Man Ponds for the man show if you were distraught about your grandfather.

[Giovanni]

Dr. Stefano's Anal Emporium.

[Adam Carolla]

Dr. Stefano's AnAl or Stefano. We never did figure out Dr. Stefano or Dr. Stefano. I gotta ask Dan Drach about that. But it'd be impossible to shoot those things while thinking about your grandfather hooked up to a tube, you know, so for me, it was always just someone yells, action, cut it off, do it. And then when you're done, you can get back to grandpa with the tube.

[Giovanni]

It was that simple. It's just deciding not to worry about it because it seems. It seems strange. It seems like you should be able to bottle this or something and sell it to people.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. You know, it was like sports or something, which is whatever's going on at home and whatever you're thinking about, whatever happens, all of a sudden the ball is snapped and then you just react to it. You're not chasing the quarterback, thinking about your girlfriend or your grandpa, you're just chasing the quarterback. It always worked that way for me anyway.

[Giovanni]

Interesting. You think football helped that then?

[Adam Carolla]

I probably had some sports does force you to sort of focus on the task at hand and not drift off too much. Like you never drifted off. Like there was never. Like you're playing linebacker and the quarterback's dropping back for a pass and you're dropping back into your hook zone and you're just sort of drifting away, you know, just lost in thought, you know, and then, you know, the ball's thrown and you go, huh? Like it never happens. You're just so busy reacting and, you know, then it stops immediately. And then you're standing there and you're in a huddle and you're discussing the gap 8 or the 6, 1 or 5, 2 or whatever it is. And then it starts again and then it stops immediately. And maybe there is something to that concentration of starting and stopping and starting and stopping, being solely focused. You know, when you're playing baseball and the pitcher releases the ball, you're not thinking about anything at that moment. You're just thinking about that ball.

[Giovanni]

I would always think, please don't let that ball hit me in the balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's the only other thought you have. And. But then it immediately. Then the ball comes in, and then it's just sort of getting in that moment. Maybe playing tons of sports growing up got me that way. I don't. I don't know. Also, you know, I am kind of a sociopath. I mean. I mean, my brain is not wired correctly. My family did not wire it for feelings and things like that, so you'd never know what was going on with me.

[Giovanni]

What's so interesting about that is our parents are bizarrely similar, have the same first names, and they, you know, use the same. Like, Chris goes as Chris instead of Christine or Christina. And they're essentially the same people. Mine may be like, my dad's probably 10%, like, less caring. My mom's like 20%, more of a C word. But I had, like, the same experience, but. Except. Except I'm constantly worried about all things at all the time. Like, you know, fictional futures I'm making up of how things are to go wrong or, you know, what happened yesterday or how I misspoke on an episode I did with you. Three years.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, you should stop. I mean, most people are that way, and we're all sort of wired to care. And I care about a lot of things, and it's not really that I don't care. It's just, you know, I'm philosophical. You know, we're all going to be dead in a few years, and there'll be a new generation and no one will really give a shit about you misspeaking. And it becomes sort of narcissistic to focus too much on that kind of stuff, because even though it's neurotic and even though you're beating yourself up and.

[Giovanni]

It comes from self hatred too, it's weird. So.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's still. You're turning everything in on you.

[Giovanni]

As Drew said a. I think it was A Robert Downey Jr. Quote, but he would never attribute to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

That I'm the. I'm the center of the universe, but I'm a piece of. A piece of shit that the universe revolves around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was something like, I'm a piece of shit, but I'm a piece of shit that the universe. Universe revolves around. You know, you. You care too much about what people think about you. It just means you care too much about yourself. And the reality is people don't really care that much about you. That's. That's the sad part.

[Giovanni]

Interesting. And now you're finally doing your first international live show you're doing Toronto.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

Fans have wanted you to do. Well, they've, you know, Carnegie, of course, because Kevin Smith did it. So as soon as he did it they're like, why doesn't Adam do it? And you know, with the whole Carlin at Carnegie, Corolla, Carnegie. That work.

[Adam Carolla]

But.

[Giovanni]

But what about the Sydney Opera House for if you get enough tickets sold. Gary in there, he researched last night is 2800 seats and there's a bunch of crazy Australian fans. Like, there's Australian people listen to my show like the Outback listening to you on Loveline from 15 years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's a Sydney Opera.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I mean, I know that's a Sydney Opera House, but 2,800 seats, apparently.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Gary looked up last night.

[Adam Carolla]

Geez, it seems like a hold more than 20. That's what I thought too.

[Giovanni]

I thought it was like in the tens maybe, but apparently not.

[Adam Carolla]

Boy, that'd be insane playing that place. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Apparently Carnegie's like 26, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm all, would you fly there though, for that?

[Giovanni]

Would you be willing to sit on that flight?

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. Well, not if Mike August books it. Coach. Queen Elizabeth Theater, by the way, in Toronto on July 15th. And by the way, that's a six and a half hour that Mike wants me to fly coach in.

[Giovanni]

Well, actually, Ace, I'm working on that for you. Don't worry.

[Adam Carolla]

I appreciate that.

[Giovanni]

But also with that, if Toronto is huge, then everywhere else in Canada, people, you know, Vancouver, everybody wants that. That's a possibility, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, Canada's a great comedy country.

[Giovanni]

It's a terrible customs country, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, that's bad. But it's good, it's good for comedy. And you know, there's this thing where it's like, I'd like to go if they'd like me to go. And you never know how it's going to work out, but I think we'll try it out, we'll see what happens and then we'll spread out from there. Cool.

[Giovanni]

And you're now doing the base cable commentaries. I've been begging to do it since the old morning show forever. It's just an idea me and a bunch of other fans kind of had. And then after we heard the Hammer commentary, like, oh, this is genius. We need to hear Adam talk about, you know, these base cable classics he's been doing on the morning show and all these other movies. And people now have this concept like, oh, it can only be a shitty 80s action movie, but I think you could do just basically anything. Like, as a fan, I want to hear you and Drew on Papillon and Shining. Because of the history of those. I was thinking, as Sandy Ganz proposed this to me, what about putting up a list of potential movies and whatever has the most interest, like his votes or whatever, then you end up doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm all about the people in the democracy and sure, you know, normally, you know, you know, comedically, you know, when someone comes up to me and says, hey, we're talking to people who are born and bred in Los Angeles. We're talking to the top 50 and we're asking what they love about Los Angeles. My first impulse is me talking about what I love about. First off, it's going to be tough. And then secondly, what I love about LA is not going to be funny. What I hate about LA, that can be funny. And when the sound 100.3 comes up to me and they go, hey, we're doing the celebrity playlist and we want your 14 favorite songs. I say, that doesn't sound very funny, but how about my 14 least favorite songs? And they go, all right. So people should understand that it always a better comedic choice to pick the thing that you hate because that's funnier.

[Giovanni]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know when people say, why are you always complaining about this? Or how come you're always picking on the whatever? How come? Well, saying, hey, man, my flight was awesome and the service was top notch and everyone was a delight, that's not that funny. But there's plenty of funny to be mined when you're complaining about something not going right. You know, what if Larry David just happened to enjoy everything in life, you have no show. So I usually pick these bad 80s movies and then dig into them because there's a greater potential for comedy. But by all means, if someone wants to pick one of the favorites, like Love and Death by Woody Allen or something like that, well, then so be it.

[Giovanni]

With those, like, you know, defending your life and stuff, there's not really much to mock, except just go, this is a great scene. What a great scene. But like the Shining, there's all that history of you trying to make Drew watch it. And then when he finally did, us fans were kind of like, it was just a. Oh, really? That's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it.

[Giovanni]

Cause he was like, yeah, I watched. It was kind of crappy.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't really watch.

[Giovanni]

He was doing work in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he doesn't watch anything.

[Giovanni]

Pepe on. Because you'd be like, your dad took you to see this. When you were six. And like, like, he'd be like, yeah, Drew, I tried to tell you. He puts a rose in his lap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. His underpants. Yeah. Yeah. Very homoerotic.

[Giovanni]

Also, like, you don't have to have. You know. You know, there's certain. There's two guys that everybody always mentions who they want you on the tracks, but for whatever reasons they probably can't do. But, you know, you had Sandy Ganz guest on the Fast and Furious one, and that was hilarious. And Ganz was fucking hilarious, too. And he's not professional comedian. And you have people here. You have like lynch here, who is professional, and he's like an expert in over the top. That. The arm wrestling movie.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Giovanni]

And Bloodsport. Bloodsport as well. I think you should get him for those two.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, we can definitely go in house for the in house experts.

[Giovanni]

And there's a couple guys like Adam Scott, who you were the first person to ever put him on a radio show. He's the, you know, he's on everything now.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

And now Doug Benson's using him for, like live commentaries on movies, but they don't release him. And you had him on making fun of like Torque and Monster Law back in Loveline. Get him on like 6 months apart. Why not get him to come in here and make fun of his own movie with you? He's totally willing to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. All right. These are all great ideas.

[Giovanni]

And I have a selfish one for me if you ever consider. Let me guess. Get Seth Green in here for this movie called Airborne. He did. It's basically Karate Kid with rollerblades. And I'm like the historian for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Terrible, terrible movie later this afternoon.

[Giovanni]

You're that. Or Cool as Ice.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, now that. That cinematic masterpiece that will pop on cable every once in a while and I will watch.

[Giovanni]

Well, actually, they're on Netflix now. Instant streaming. So there's this whole earth way you could. You could, you know, weave that in.

[Adam Carolla]

People keep tweeting me, asking me about why isn't the Hammer on Netflix and the instant streaming.

[Giovanni]

It's probably some sort of weird Weinstein company deal.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't think so. I just think it's basic, whatever, lethargy. I think someone has asked me about why isn't the Hammer on Netflix a couple of times.

[Giovanni]

I think you get the disc. I don't know if you. I don't know. I think we're probably talking about the streaming because the streaming has these weird contracts for a couple months.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe you can Get, I don't know, Dawson or somebody find out if you can get the disc on Netflix. And they just say, Netflix. I don't know.

[Giovanni]

You can definitely get a Blockbuster on clearance. I've seen quite a few of those.

[Adam Carolla]

In the live shows. Yeah, baby.

[Giovanni]

And you talked about the audiobook a lot, and the second one and all that. So is that a go, or you're just scrapping?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm doing it.

[Giovanni]

You're doing it. What about, like, having this be an audiobook? Super, you know, warehouse, like you got. Teresa's gonna have her audiobook rights referred to her. You got. Guess James Gunn might have his own rights. His book is one of the greatest, like, narrative books I've ever read. Why not? Why not do that? You can. You know, they could pay lynch and Dawson. They'd rather pay them than some strangers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

And the audio here is now, you know, people complained about the audio for the longest time. And when we were in Denver, we had that conversation and about all the soundproofing done. It's. The audio is now perfect here. So why not?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what's gonna happen. And that's where, you know, companies like Random House are gonna get fucked. And I'll be happy to fuck them. I mean, I know they're pissed about it and they're pissed about my attitude about it, but I'm fucking rip. Shit pissed at them.

[Giovanni]

Well, it's kind of ridiculous, you know? Like, you think about how much you're out there pumping your book on the road. I've seen. It's crazy. You're selling, like, you know, physical copies at your shows. You're signing them. You're like the driving force behind that. You're like, you know, the little nuclear reactor. And you got, you know, you're. What they gave you up front was a kind of minuscule compared to other people. Like, there's other people who get, you know, 5 million up front now.

[Adam Carolla]

I got 350 grand.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. So there's other books I don't want. I don't want throwing in the bus. But, you know, they didn't sell anywhere near enough to make back their advance. And it was. Their advance was crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Giovanni]

Sane. And they might actually get another book out of that or they might have something happen. But yet you still have to struggle. Do you see any weird. Like, it's kind of like this overarching thing I see with you where you kind of get shit on more than most people or you have to deal with more crap. It's just like, remember In Seattle, the guy talked about our black clouds colliding into a perfect storm of black clouds. You and I. Yeah, because the tech problems.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't. I don't instill confidence into people with the things that I do.

[Giovanni]

It's bizarre.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm curious about it.

[Giovanni]

I was listening to, like, the War for Late Night, the most recent one about the Conan Leno thing, and in there, they mentioned Kimmel a few times. They don't really shit on him, but they mention you like five times and they shit on you every single time. Like. Like they call you a misogynist. Then they say you're an unfunny man shown. I was like, this is Fuck you. I paid for this book. And I got my favorite comedians. Gotta be insulted. I didn't think you'd be brought up.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't even know was in that book.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, no, it's like. Yeah, in the End of War for Late, they mention, like, why the fuck you mention Adam Crowley?

[Adam Carolla]

Why are they mentioning me?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, they don't. It just mentioned Kimmel. And then when they mentioned Kimmel, they have to go and shit on you. I was like, did Tom Shales write this one? And he didn't, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I don't know why no one's ever brought that up to me.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, people. Most people don't care. And I mentioned, like, oh, who cares? Well, I bought this book and they're shitty. I don't want to hear that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, now it was funny. It always cracked me up when Entertainment, Entertainment Weekly. Oh, Bill Carter wrote it when Leno went early and television went crazy. Oh, the War for Late Night. Well, was the angle. Now I'm guessing Bill Carter, who. I know Bill Carter wrote it as sort of more the angle where he sided with Conan and less with Leno. Or that's his angle.

[Giovanni]

There wasn't really much of an angle. He was trying to be kind of bipartisan. But I guess when you say everything about Jay Leno, he talked about the Letterman thing, hiding the claws and all that, and he was trying to be fair. But it was definitely a little more in Conan's favor. Of course. Well, I paint him as a victim.

[Adam Carolla]

I was always kind of thing where I. I have always thought Conan was a pussy.

[Giovanni]

Just for personal, you had the guy created Late Night with him, came on your Dino, but he came on here and he basically told you, oh, yeah, he's a huge pussy. Yeah, yeah, I love him, but he's a huge pussy. That's why he banned you from the show. And Then you found out he did it to two other people. There's two other guests. I can't remember who they are now, but they came on and he did the same exact Titus. And then one other guy also was banned from the show. And they.

[Adam Carolla]

I just thought it was a puss. And I also thought, listen, dude, take your $35 million and go away and cry me a fucking river. Like, why are we supposed to feel sorry for a guy? Yeah, my dream job is to play center field for the Yankees, so shut the fuck up. And also, how you doing now on basic cable, Conan? What's your excuse now? Well, you know what I'm saying. People sampled the show. They weren't nuts about it. It's fine. It's tough to get viewers in the late night realm, but stop blaming it on everyone. And. And again, there's two things you can't do in this town. You can't. You can't. There's a few. There's like three things you can't do. You can't be for lower taxes, you can't be for beefing up the borders, and you can't say Leno's, it seems like a decent guy. Those are three things that'll make you fucking pariah in this town. And those are the three things that I've spoken about many times, all kind of true.

[Giovanni]

Leno at Shakespeare was. He was fucking delight and he was hilarious. He fucking cracked my shit up.

[Adam Carolla]

And whatever you think of the guy, I'm just telling you my experience with the guy, which is I told everyone, you know, two weeks ago, I just called him on a Saturday and his guy answered the phone. I took my son over there and he took us for a tour of the thing. He's nice to me. Gave him a grape soda. I don't know what kind of guy. I don't know what lurks in his soul. He's friendly to me. And Conan was a douche. So what do you want me to say exactly? Just jump on the fucking bandwagon and say, I love Conan and Leno's a douche. And let me say this too, because everyone's got their fucking fucking thumb up their own ass with this stuff. Like, oh, but Conan's, you know, avant garde and he's cutting edge. I don't give a fuck. I'm funny. He's funny, they're funny. Who gives a shit? I'm talking about as a human being. I don't really care who's funnier than the next guy. Should we base everything on how funny you are. I mean, if you did, you'd be.

[Giovanni]

Emperor of the earth.

[Adam Carolla]

God love you, Giovanni. My feeling is it's more about the kind of person you are. And Conan was a puss and Lena was nice to me, so that's all I have to work off of. But I don't know why Bill Carter's dishing on me.

[Giovanni]

It wasn't like intensely dishing, but it was like, you know, misogynist. They labeled manual misogyny and then like unfunny or something. And then sure, yeah, just a couple like, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's like E. Or Entertainment Weekly when they came out with the review.

[Giovanni]

For New Man Show.

[Adam Carolla]

New man show and did the Comedy Central said Kimmel made the ill fated move to late night television correctomy and then Comedy Central performed a corollectomy. Well, writer and I don't know who that writer was over at Entertainment Weekly, but Tom Shales probably. The point is Jimmy's going on what, his eighth or ninth season?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I was thinking about that the.

[Adam Carolla]

Other day and Comedy Central was offering me 50 grand an episode to stay behind and I didn't. So you're fucking liar, a hypocrite or just a retard. But either way, fucking cash in your Underwood and call the fucking day even.

[Giovanni]

Stan Hope and Rogan both say that when they want a show, Stone Stanley basically screwed them. Said told them they couldn't do anything and they say the show's garbage and they know it. And they said they should have consulted you and they all feel bad about it after that.

[Adam Carolla]

Why consult us? We didn't. We're just a talent. Talk to Stone Stanley. They're the fucking driving engine behind the Man Show. Yeah, yeah. They're the brains behind it. Talk to them. And Entertainment Weekly. How about you talk to them, you hypocritical fox.

[Giovanni]

Where's Rat?

[Adam Carolla]

Of course you got a piece of. Yeah, they love that. Yeah. Let's see. Fifth season of the man show, which returns with fresh hosts Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope. Following former co host Jimmy Kimmel's ill advised defection to Late night and the show's subsequent Corolla ectomy. Oh, the show's subsequent Corolla ectomy is another testosterone haven for Comedy Central. The New man show hosts are mixed bag and considerably less sunny. Not funny, less sunny than their predecessors, Fear Factors. Joe Rogan seems to have swallowed Kimmel and doing his best regurgitate, best at regurgitating him.

[Giovanni]

A lot of weird blowjob stuff in There.

[Adam Carolla]

While Stanhope resembles an animated mugshot, Rogan lacks Kimmel's fraternity. Fraternity something. But anyway. Oh, I forgot that the show kicked me off.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Except they were begging you to give you 50 grand an episode or everything you wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

I had 10 lunches with comedy Central and they said, do it alone. Do it with anyone you want. Do it with your dog. And I was like, I'm not doing it. And that gets the Corolla back to.

[Giovanni]

Kimmel's ill fated move. If you remember what he was doing early on in those shows, people remember them wrong. Seth Galifianakis co hosting. Zach Galifianakis. His character.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

The Monica Lewinsky, Mike Tyson, you. All those crazy film bits. They've done like two hell and back. If you show that to somebody, you as Duke Lacrosse, that still holds up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Just as good as those old man show film pieces all hold up.

[Adam Carolla]

The man show stuff was good. I mean, I'm not bragging, but it was a sketch comedy show.

[Giovanni]

I'm not gonna get into it. But you could still show that, let's say, to a large amount of people. And then they would laugh like crazy. And those are 10 year old, you know, skits.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's sort of like they do this thing. I don't know. People think the man show are like me and Jimmy sitting around drinking beer, going, fuck that cunt.

[Giovanni]

They didn't watch it.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck her. Yeah. Hey, bitch, get on that trampoline and get me another cold one. All right, well, that's about it for the man show we just did was sketches, basically.

[Giovanni]

And you were always the butt of the joke.

[Adam Carolla]

And a lot of them didn't even have anything to do with man show. Whatever. It was just Adam teaching a karate class.

[Giovanni]

I love that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever. Whatever Adam or Jimmy was doing, it wasn't. Wasn't man show this or man show that. It was like Jimmy marries a monkey.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Love it. There you go.

[Giovanni]

Jimmy's Chimp Wife with Bill Maher. We talked about that one time, you romancing your mom, which is amazing. Get out of here, old man.

[Adam Carolla]

Love that. All right, Giovanni, we need to do two things. One, we need to give a little love to our good friends over at Amazon. This thing has been just blockbusters for us. Gangbusters. Thank you so much. Amazon.com Convenient. Great deals and they support the show. Use the Amazon link on our site and you can even bookmark them. And you buy whatever you're gonna buy on Amazon and you get it through our site. You click through us. That goes to Amazon and they give us a couple percentage and it's turned out to be awesome for us. And you guys have been awesome. I mean, I'm gritting my teeth because I'm overwhelmed at how responsive you guys have been to this call to action. And it just goes to show how supportive you guys are. And it's just. Exactly. It is why and one of the many reasons. But it's probably at the top of why I turned my back on the multimillion dollar, multi year guaranteed terrestrial radio gig. Because I saw how you guys responded. So unbeatable convenience, Amazon prices and of course great shipping rates. It's Amazon.com and click through adamcarolla.com and there we'll have it. We'll keep the pirate ship a sale. We'll take a quick break. Be right back with superfan Giovanni next. Yeah, back with super fan Giovanni and super Fangiovanni knows way more about me than I know about myself. He hosts himself a podcast, Gio. Oh, get it on, get it on podcast Giovanni. Podcast.com plays old loveline clips, interviews, ace staff members. Available at itunes. And you can check his website [e-mail] you can Twitter him. Iovanny.

[Giovanni]

Giorgio.

[Adam Carolla]

Giorgio. But that's Gio.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, Gio's. And there's three times. Yeah, you figured out.

[Adam Carolla]

R G I O. Alright, there, there you go. And yeah. So back to what we were talking about, which is I've just realized when I'm left alone or I get to work with the people I want to work with. I don't mean left alone like hey man, I work alone. No, I want to work with Jimmy Kimmel or I want to work with Kevin Hench or Dr. Drew. But when you leave us alone, then we can do, we can do our thing or sometimes alone, like in the case of doing my book or doing something like this podcast.

[Giovanni]

Alone with Mike Lynch.

[Adam Carolla]

Alone with Mike lynch, yeah. Either way, you know, the book is an interesting thing because you have an editor and you have a sort of man and you have somebody who's, you know, back in New York, but they're not up your ass. They basically sort of help you shape things and they essentially for the most part let you do your own thing and that's thus when the product gets better. And what I was saying about Random House and why I was pissed at Random House and what we're talking about with people not having a lot of confidence in me and not instilling confidence is I realize I sort of look stupid or I sound Stupid. Or I walk stupid. A lot of it is just like, take a look at a guy like Jeff Proko. Jeff Probst says, hey, everyone, this way. And you go, hey, who's the good looking dude with the choker? And you go, better follow him. And then I go, hey, everyone, this way. And everyone goes, well, why should we follow you? And then I go, because I'm an experienced Marine. And they go, yeah. And I go, I was an Eagle Scout. And they go, so. And I go, I have two years of training in the outback. And they go, yeah. And I go, I can make a compass out of a pine cone. And they go, we're gonna follow the guy with the choker. And that's basically how it works. And in comedy, there's no degree and there's nothing you can show.

[Giovanni]

No certificate.

[Adam Carolla]

No certificate. All I know is I'm funnier than you are, so you should listen to me. But it doesn't happen. And I realize it's not going to happen. And I understand it and why. I don't know why. Everything is new and uncharted for me. When I was writing the book, I not only had my publisher, but I had my own agent saying all the time, like, what are you gonna write? What are you gonna do? Are you gonna do it? Did you do it? Did you finish it? Are you doing it? Is it funny? What are you doing?

[Giovanni]

The standup thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the stand up thing.

[Giovanni]

You guys did colleges 15 years ago. Can you do stand up? It was so weird. Now you've proven your theater come, and not only can you stand up, you do theaters.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Listen, I understand people think I'm an idiot. Like, it happens all the time. And people don't listen to me. And people within and without, professionally and personally. I tell them, here's what I need you to do, or here's how it's going to work. And there's a handful of people that are smart enough to do it. Most people don't. And I don't instill any whatever in them, although I don't know why. And it's always what I've always talked about. I would consider myself a very good builder and a good builder and a good architect and a good designer and a good decorator. And people, you know, if they go, oh, man, look at this room. Who picked out the paint and the curtains and the wall fixtures and the light fixtures? I'll go, I did. And I'll go, oh, get out of here. And they just walk away laughing. And I go, that's what I do.

[Giovanni]

Every time you have somebody come, like, do a profile, and you're just like. There's a little part where you're like, no, I actually did do all this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And they never believe it.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

And then usually when they write their article, they say stuff like, Adam even helped out with the decorating. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

That was get it wrong. Always get it wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always a downgrade, too. And boo. You should have seen boxing. Boxing was like, what? Get out of here. So I realize I don't instill with.

[Giovanni]

Confidence with the boxing, though you do have proof. Back on old Morning show, you used to have that machine that would measure your punching power. And I believe Chuck Liddell took three attempts to match your score and then beat it. But you were within, like 20, 30 points of him. And there was a bunch of other famous boxers who came in, like, Sugar.

[Adam Carolla]

Ray Leonard, hit it 18 times.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, he was obsessed.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't think he ever did.

[Giovanni]

Did he? Or did he just. No, he got like 550. And you were in the sixes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know. Look, not a better boxer than Sugar Ray Lane.

[Giovanni]

No. But five punching power.

[Adam Carolla]

I can hit hard. Yeah. Well, again, but it's. I get laughed off by almost everyone all the time.

[Giovanni]

I want to get in some weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't know why.

[Giovanni]

You probably remember the one Dave Grohl incident where you show up his house and his wife to be was there, I guess, Jordan. And then you went on the radio that night and said, yeah, I'm supposed to come over and do something with him. And some floozy answer the door. And then, like, he was. They were wildly offended by that, or at least they were pretending to be. And then you uncomfortably ran into him at Kimmel like a week later with his fiance, her parents, and you had like, Ah, yeah. Well, it turns out six years prior, in 97, you did the exact same thing to Dave Graham. He was dating a Louise poster, one of the chicks from Veruca Salt, and she had just been on Loveline, and you were at one of the MTV award shows, and she was, like, trying to chat with you while you're talking to him. And you're like, yeah, yeah, pipe down.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

And it was just so bizarre that you did the exact same thing to the same dude six years apart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Dave's a good guy. Good sense of humor. And he was staying at his sister's house, which turned out to be across the street from my party house that was in Studio City or Sherman Oaks, like, literally across the street. And I think I was at the Universal Amphitheater, and it was some KROQ event. And I was either I was talking to Dave and, like, his sister or something, or maybe I was just talking to his sister. I can't remember. I was talking to. I was probably talking to Dave, girl. And I was like, where are you at? And they're like, oh, we're over on Addison Street. I'm like, where are you? Over in Addison. Oh, we're off of Chandler, whatever it was. I was like, and we're off of Ch. Oh, we're just. And I was like. I started to narrow it down. I was like, I think you're. Is your house of a driveway with a hedge and a thing in the front. I was like, yeah, like, you live directly across the street from my house. And they're like, well, that's where I'm staying tonight.

[Giovanni]

Great magnet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I said, well, good. I'll come over to. I'll come by. We're shooting hoops tomorrow. You want to shoot some hoops or something? He's like, yeah, come by and say hi or something to that effect. And I said, yeah, I'll come by. And I waited until, like, noon or something.

[Giovanni]

No, it was later. It was like four, I think it was, like, pretty late in the day.

[Adam Carolla]

It was at least afternoon. And I knocked on the door, and Jordan, who wasn't his wife at the time, just sort of, like, answered the door in sweatpants and a comforter. Like, her hair messed up. And she's like, huh? And I was like, hey, I'm Adam. I live across the street. Is Dave in here? And she's like. Like, he's asleep. And I'm like, oh, all right. And I would just shut the door and walked back down the driveway. And I thought. I just assumed that he was out partying last night, like, after the show, and picked up a groupie, essentially. That's what it looked like to me. So I was just calling it as I saw it. Yeah. Before the Veruca Salt thing. That was another KROQ thing. I think we're out backstage somewhere talking it. Him and Taylor, I guess, his drum, his drummer and all that. And. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

How bizarre is it? You did the same thing to the same guys. That's total great magnet. It's totally what some of happened to you. Like, you could do that to two different guys, but not the same guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, David girl, still cool guy with a good sense of humor.

[Giovanni]

I want to segue into something else. With guests on the show. Fans will whine about that a lot. Like, why is this person always burned? I've actually gone back and looked at it now. I talked with Mike lynch about this, I think in Milwaukee. He was like. He was talking about Mike August and stuff. And we're like, you know, actually, he gave me this really good point that you've essentially had, you know, huge names on here, obscure names. You had basically everyone on. You could have on the fans could demand. And now, you know, Albert Brooks, you know, they're done. So really the only people missing are the fan favorites from Loveline who just kind of got forgotten on the morning show and are still forgotten. Like Bad Religion and Greg Graffen haven't been on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

Will Arnett's mia. Clive Barker. Mike August actually even worked on. So people demanding that. Now people are like, you should ask him a Clive Barker. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Have I not asked that enough?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. What does Clive Barker sound like these days?

[Giovanni]

He had a throat surgery in 09, and he did a commentary after that for Midnight Meat Train. It's a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Gay movies.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

But he sounded. He sounded just about how he did in 2002. Definitely good enough. But then I guess August contacted him. He had another surgery recently, but I think he might just be good enough to talk. But it's probably, like the end of the line for that. So, like, somebody would have to reach out besides August. Like, you probably have to reach out personally to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, why can't August book Clive Barker?

[Giovanni]

He's right. No, August is. Bust his ass. I can't. I can't. You can't shit on for that one. I begged him for years.

[Adam Carolla]

My thing is, you know, it's not George Clooney. I like Clive Barkley. I don't think.

[Giovanni]

I don't think he gets the message. I think it was his people.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't, you know, fuck them.

[Giovanni]

I know, but there's a couple other people that would be like, people have theories about Norm McDonald not coming on because you made him so mad with the comments on the radio show about the anal sex.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Norm is nuts. And Norm doesn't drive himself. And Norm needs somebody to drive him. And I've talked to Norm about it multiple times. And I'm producing a show that stars Norm. It's a sports show and Comedy Central.

[Giovanni]

People were wondering, how involved are you in that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't do anything good.

[Giovanni]

Oh, that's absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, No, I do. I do Jack Less Than Zero. But it's A really good show. And so, you know, if it ain't broke, why fix it?

[Giovanni]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And now I've talked to my buddy Daniel about getting Norman here and all that. It's really just about me just being motivated and working it out.

[Giovanni]

Like with Bat Religion, they have as many episodes as dag. They weren't on that much before you came on the show, and they haven't been on that much since you left. During your era, they were. They loved Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I love Greg, and I love the guys, and some of them live, some are out here and, you know, tell. I just don't get that involved with it. So tell August to get Greg on and Greg will come. I think even.

[Giovanni]

Even Dave, too, you could tell. You could have him on and go, hey, remember that time insulted your girlfriend's choice?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Tell them to get on.

[Giovanni]

There's, like, other people, too. That last one, like, John Show. Remember John Show? And Cal Penn, Harold Kumar.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

He's a huge fan. Like, he approaches Teresa in the gym. I guess I go the gym together.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

Like, I wrote to my Twitter, like, hey, would you ever be on the show? And he's like, super fan. Giovanni, like, what? You know who I am. He's like, yeah, I love the show, so why not get him? He's an easy get. Or.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, don't ask me. Just give it to August. And you gotta understand, August doesn't listen to you, so. I know, but he doesn't listen to anybody.

[Giovanni]

Well, he started, you know, sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

He gave me a fucking phone number today to call. You know, by the way, this is, you know, bad on bad. But I had to call a radio station that was in the 310 area code, which, if you live out here, you know, that's the west side, you know, toward the beach. And I get the email and I get up, you know, I do that thing where I set my alarm about a minute and a half before it's time to call in the radio station, and it's 319-385-blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's 319. And so I'm like, all right, 319. And of course, I get some chick, and it's like, hello? And I'd been up for about 40 seconds, so I was like, I must misdialed. And then, of course, I call back and the chicks annoyed again. And now I'm like, what the fuck numbers? 319. And then I call Mike and it's 3, 1, 0. And then when I tell this to my wife, she goes, oh, you should have known. And I'm like, hold on. First off, I call thousand radio stations a week. Now I'll have crazy prefixes, so I don't know what the Fuck. Maybe it is 319, what do I know? But that's Mike August, by the way. So he ain't listening. Yeah. You know, not listening to you or me.

[Giovanni]

But, you know, with, with that though, he has done cool things for the show a lot and he actually, you know, it's actually like, it's the point where I'm coming back around on the other side now where it's like, it's like, you know what? He actually. There actually is. There are things to praise.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, look, we're, we're, we were.

[Giovanni]

I'm gonna have him on my show.

[Adam Carolla]

We were a podcast that was, you know, look, let's face it, we were interviewing Francis Ford Coppola before anyone knew what a podcast was. So. And Certainly France Tyson, 65 year old guy, makes wine for a living, does not know what a fucking podcast is. He's, you know, standing in a barrel all day smashing grapes. He doesn't give a shit about this.

[Giovanni]

I got a couple quick little rapid fire ones real quick for you. One, I want to tell you something good about the guest thing, just to close it. The deputy from no country that you love so much. We talked about my first episode. We talked out there in the hallway about it. And you're like, yeah, guys, great.

[Adam Carolla]

No country for Old Men. Yeah, that guy's just. That guy's great.

[Giovanni]

He loves you. He wants to come spar on the show more than anything else. I guess it's in the works. So that's happening. I'm a big fan. Okay, cool. This fan, Ruckerucka, Ali, wants to know, would you ever consider returning to junior college and having it filmed as like a TV show?

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of good ideas out there. Unfortunately, I'm involved with a car show right now. There's a couple other things cooking. A couple are cool things that are in the. In the makes and. Or in the works, I should say. And then there's this, and then there's the next book I have to do and all that kind of shit. So. Yeah. And you know, back to Random House. My agent keeps getting pissed at me because I keep talking shit about them. I'm just fucking perpetually pissed off at them. Because of the audiobook. We never got into the audiobook. Yes, I will come out with my second audiobook. No, it will be without Random House.

[Giovanni]

So all new content.

[Adam Carolla]

All new content. And the reason I'm pissed at Random House is because they're pissed at me.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is essentially I made them a deal. I made them what I thought was a deal.

[Giovanni]

A unique deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Unique and way more than fair. They turned it down. And then they came back and said, oh, we will do this. And then when they did it at the very end, they said, no, you pay Mike lynch, and we'll pay Mike August. And I said, no, you pay those guys each a grand and we'll use my facility. And they were like, no.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So basically what they were saying to me is, go fuck yourself. And what I'm saying to them is, go fuck yourself. And if anyone wants to know why I'm being a dick, it's because they were being a dick and are being a dick. And for the cost of $1,000, they could have got the most fucking dedicated guy they have on their fucking staff. Really? I fucking go out there and do nothing but peddle these goddamn books. I go out and try to think of ways to sell more books.

[Giovanni]

How many have you signed?

[Adam Carolla]

I've gone. I've fucking signed at least 10,000 copies of this book. I've gone out to fucking done, you know, had a beer with the dude in Seattle before playing the Moore Theater. I've done everything and bent over fucking backwards trying to sell these fucking books. And now you guys are going to send a message to me. Hey, we're not gonna. We're not gonna pay Mike Lynch a thousand bucks. You paying? Well, here's my message to you. Fuck you. Yeah, and secondly, you're fucking out. I'm doing the next audiobook without you. And I'll do my third book without you. We'll publish it here. So congratulations, mission accomplished.

[Giovanni]

And also you doing all original content. They don't realize that's gonna increase sales even more because people can't go, I got any of this already.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever Random House you can look forward.

[Giovanni]

To, I would have paid the thousand.

[Adam Carolla]

Dollars, fucking check in your mailbox filled with fucking dust because you will get nothing. And if I make 50 grand, then I'll make 50 grand. If I make 500 grand, I'll make 500 grand. If I make $5, I'll make $5. Either way, you will get.

[Giovanni]

Oh, there's gonna be a lot of money. There is.

[Adam Carolla]

You will get nothing, Random House. And that's your choosing. That's not mine. And if you're pissed that I'm pissed, then you should have fucking thought about it before you got all fucking tight fisted and sent your message to me of basically fuck you. And that's what it was. It was a message. It wasn't about $1,000. It was about $1,000. And you guys are the worst business people on the planet. And then people say to me all the time, well, you don't want to piss them off because you want to be in business with them right now. I don't want to be in business then you think I want to be in business with fucking retarded people? These are the worst business people ever. Really? I want to be in business with you guys. You guys are idiots. I don't want to be in business with idiots. You told me all I need to know. You wouldn't put up $1,000. Here's all I need to know from the folks over at Random House. You would not invest $1,000 for the potential of making 50 to $100,000 or more. Or more.

[Giovanni]

That's what they spent on lunch, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

That makes you incompetent from a business standpoint. And would anyone want to be in business with someone who would not put a dime down to make $200? No, of course not.

[Giovanni]

So I'm not principal Iceman. Principal.

[Adam Carolla]

Not even principal. I mean, it is principle in their eyes.

[Giovanni]

That's what they're saying. They do it for you, then they have to bend over back.

[Adam Carolla]

It's either one. It's one of two things. Either they're semi retarded business people, in which case I don't want to be business with them, or secondly, which I suspect it's principal. They're sending a message to the guy who's trying to make them money for doing nothing. Well, I got your message. You're either stupid or assholes. And either way we'll be doing our next book and then we'll be parting ways. Nice job.

[Giovanni]

Also, you know, when you think about it, you don't really need a middleman to access your fans. And that's what's kind of going on. It's like, hey, you need us. It's like, wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Giovanni]

My mom self published a book 10.

[Adam Carolla]

Years ago, so read it many times.

[Giovanni]

No, I haven't even read it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all right. Well, anyway, that's the way I feel about, by the way, everything at this point. Because I've just had a fucking impacted ass full of everyone telling me what to do and how it's going to work and what's funny. And what's that? Why I Can't do it. And blah, blah, blah. You're all gone. You're all clipped. This is it.

[Giovanni]

I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Pirate ship set sale, self publishing set sale. Put your patches on, get your parrots on your shoulders. And here we go, Land lovers. We're setting off for the old get some lime so we don't get the scurvy. All right, Giovanni, that seems like a good place to go out.

[Giovanni]

Fuck. Great.

[Adam Carolla]

Good times, Giovanni, everyone. Super fan Giovanni. You can check him out on itunes at Giogette Podcast. That's his podcast. You can also check out his [e-mail] so until next time, this is Adam Crolla for super fan Giovanni saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, that was Adam Cola Show 572 featuring superfan Giovanni. Come next, we have Adam Carillo Show Episode 9 featuring Leo Laporte. This one's from 2009. It's one of the original episodes they did. Unfortunately, it was done over Skype. There was a bunch of Skype issues on Leo Laporte's side. They had a much clearer version of the episode when Adam could be heard. Original producer and production team of the Adam Carolla Show. We're not familiar with Skype or the technologies or bandwidth or anything else we might possibly need in order to make things run smoothly. As the one guy who could actually make Skype function, it was the most frustrating thing on the planet trying to get anyone to listen. So here's what's salvageable from episode nine with Leo Lepore commenting on what might be the future of this whole podcast thing. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey there. It's Adam Carolla. You tired of your music sounding like yesterday's leftovers? Let me introduce you to Live one powered by Slacker, the streaming service that's here to save you from musical mediocrity. For just over three bucks a month, you get more than just songs. You get personalized stations that actually know what you like. Forget Spotify's endless scrolling or Apple Music's confusing interface. Slacker cuts right through the noise and gives you what you want in a snap. And it's not just about music. Enjoy the latest podcasts, videos, and even audiobooks. Want to try it out? Head over to liveone.com to sign up and change your listening game today. Because with Live one powered by Slacker, your tunes will finally match your vibe. Unlike that last haircut.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Old record. But he. He got a record of 400,000 per show, which was exactly what you're getting. 2 million a week.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. So now when Was that.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That was a couple of years ago. But they haven't updated the record, so you should call Guinness.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how that works.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

There's probably some British guy comes out.

[Adam Carolla]

But for 400,000 per show for a week or.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's significant per show. Well, his was for a show now. His show was sponsored by the British newspaper, the Guardian.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

And he had huge. So he had huge publicity through the Guardian.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, is that. Is Leo, is that for a 24 hour period or.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's total.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, because we've got. We've got a show from last week that's into the mid fives.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's spectacular. I guess that's unheard of. Our biggest show. It never did more than a quarter of a million download.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's considered one of the biggest shows in podcasting, so that's.

[Adam Carolla]

You're.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You should be very happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I now. I am now. So, Leo, do you want to. I'm not exactly sure how we're going to do this. I think we're going to Talk for about 20 minutes or half an hour and.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Good for me. Whatever you want.

[Adam Carolla]

Good fit for you.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, I'm just here, I'm sitting here, I'm talking to you. I am recording. You can tell your tech guy I am recording your end as well as my end on separate channels.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. My tech guy Donnie has a question from you. Hi, Donnie. He can't hear you, but hold on.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I can hear him.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Leo.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Hey, Donnie.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, I had a question. I want to be able to listen to you and Adam while you guys are talking. And I'm wondering, is there any way. I'm not too familiar with.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

If you go to live TWiT TV, you can hear it. It'll be a little delayed because.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll be fine.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

But that's. But we're streaming it right now live Twit tv. Can Adam send me video?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I think we should be able to. I think if I trigger the.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Press the camera button also. What website do you want me to. There we go.

[Adam Carolla]

That's me.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Donnie, you look kind of like that guy in the porn movies. What's his name?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what my wife says. You got a porn 70s porn mustache. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You look like the. They call him the ferret or the Wombat. The furry guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Leo.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

What website. What website do you want me to use? Ron Jeremy. That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Ron Jeremy. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Doesn't he look like Ron Jeremy? A young Ron Jeremy A young, attractive Ron Jeremy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thank you, Lee. Website? Like Adam's website? Yeah, Adam is AdamCarolla.com. all right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I just put that up for his lower third.

[Giovanni]

That's all.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

So everybody could see it. And then. Yeah. Live Twit tv and I'll stream the video. I'm also recording the high quality audio for you, so you have my end as well as.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What we're going to do is Adam's going to read some emails and we're going to attach your segment up front. So after he's done with you for his next podcast, he'll have some viewer.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, whatever you want. I can even sit here. I don't care. I'm not picky.

[Giovanni]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm going to hand you back to Adam. I got Twit up live. And here's Adam. Thanks, Leo.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You're welcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, Leo, I hear you out here on KFI on Saturdays, I believe.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

But should we just call you syndicated radio show host? Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Or podcaster or whatever? Yeah, I don't really care. I don't really care. All right, you call me, call me anything you want. Just don't call me the hedgehog. Am I right that he looks like Ron Jeremy? Am I right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but you have to be in the room. He looks more like Peter north with him.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we'll call him the decorator.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

The decorator.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Yeah. Well, let's get started then. All right. You rolling, Donnie, by the way? Yeah. Good. Oh, hey, kitties. Ace man here with another podcast. We're going to break this one off into two parts. First, we're going to start with pioneer podcast guru and all around tech guy Leo Laporte. And then I will answer your questions as I promised to do over the last week or so. Never got around to Leo. Thank you.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Hey, Ace, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

So, Leo, I wanted to talk to you about this because I don't know anything about this technology and you know everything about this technology except that you're.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Already getting more listeners than we've ever gotten in five years of doing this. So thanks a lot, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know what this is? This is the guy who brings his wife along because they need a fourth and she's never golfed before and she proceeds to clean up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Hole in one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. As soon as I start working on my swing, I'll start shanking the show, though. Don't worry about that.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm counting on that.

[Adam Carolla]

So, Leo, I have a million questions for you and people who are listening now have a lot of the same questions, which is, first off, Mac versus PC for you.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I'm a Mac guy, but it's sitting in front of me right now. I have 1, 1, 2, 3, 4 PCs and 2 Macs. So it's kind of a little bit of each.

[Adam Carolla]

And where do you think the future is for podcasting? I mean, what do you think in general as a radio guy, as a guy who knows terrestrial radio, is familiar with satellite, and is a sort of pioneer in podcasting? Where do you think we're going to be five years from now?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think, to be honest, I think podcasting, the whole idea of podcasting. Podcasting is going to kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Blend.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

In with the larger idea of using the Internet to distribute shows. So in a way, saying podcasting is like saying blogging was a few years ago. It's almost diminutive. It's almost like saying, oh, you're a blogger, oh, you're a podcaster. It's kind of less than right. But it isn't. If you say, no, I do my show on the Internet now, because the Internet, I mean, Internet, there's 3 billion people who can listen to you. 57% of all Americans have high speed Internet. So suddenly, you know, if you said. If you took the word Internet out and you said satellite radio or, you know, you know, eye in the sky or whatever, people would go, oh, yeah, well, that's cool. You've got global distribution.

[Adam Carolla]

Where do you think?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Satellite, radius, satellites history, right, Adam? Satellite history.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I don't want to be one of these guys. It just sounds like a spoiled ass and says, yeah, it's going to be history because I'm not on it.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

But it seems I'm on XM and I'm saying it's history.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay, good. It seems like the Internet is going to usurp this. We don't need satellite if we have the Internet.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Right, Exactly. The Internet's usurps everything. It's kind of the. The do it all distribution medium and what's good about it. And the thing that makes it most interesting is that everybody has access to it. You know, Adam, you know, you had to fight hard to become a show host. I don't know what your early days of radio were like, but, you know, I'm sure it was tough to claw your way up. It was for me, because you had to convince some guy who had a big antenna and a big transmitter to let you use his microphone.

[Adam Carolla]

But you don't need to do Anymore. That sounded so gay. This guy's got a huge antenna and even bigger microphone, and he wants you to blow into that. And you got to convince this guy that you got to talk right into that mic.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It is kind of gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Leo, first off, Leo was telling me sort of off the air, if there is an off the air.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Not for me. Everything I do is on the air.

[Adam Carolla]

Now that the current record holder for podcast downloads is Ricky Gervais with 400,000.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

400,000.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, 400,000. And I'm here to tell you that the one we did with Dave Damaszek last week has cracked, I think about 550.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's not in a day, right? That's just because this thing's five days old. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No, no. In fact, one of the things you find out with podcasts is people still download the months from now. It's not like what you're doing is any less funny in six months.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Or was funny to begin with. So we should talk to the good people from Guinness and try to get us in there. And I'm guessing, I don't know when he set this record, but it couldn't have been in the 60s, right?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No, that was a couple of years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, very interesting. Okay, so the other question I want to ask you, and like I said, I have a laundry list of these things. How about monetizing? Has anyone really figured out a way to make money off of these podcasts?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, we make pretty good buck. The key is advertising. Right. Ricky was so happy that he got 400,000 downloads on his free podcast. He made a big mistake. He said, oh, well, now we charge for it. And everybody stopped listening to it. It was like, nobody's gonna pay for that.

[Adam Carolla]

So what did he charge?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, it was cheap. It was like a buck 99 a show or something. Was not a lot of money. The problem is, it's hard enough to get a podcast. People feel like they've worked so hard to get the podcast. To ask them for money is insult to injury. They got to figure out where it is. They got to download, they got to put it on something. They got to find that thing they got to listen to. It's so much harder than just pushing a button on your radio.

[Adam Carolla]

So your. Your take on the part where you monetize this thing is not through subscriptions, but through advertisements.

[Shim Moore]

It's.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think it's the only way people are used to free radio. We're just, you know, another way of distributing free radio.

[Adam Carolla]

But you yourself are on satellite and people spend money for that.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, as you and I just kind of concluded, that's not, I guess, I guess, a long term proposition.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they didn't give every penny to Howard Stern.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Maybe, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're saying advertisements, and now as far as far as advertisers go, how much input do they have? I mean, I guess in a certain way. Aren't you worried about running into the old school? Eventually you're going to get program director. Eventually there's going to hell no telling you what you can and can't say because Pepsi or Quiznos is going to pull out.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this. You know, it's every dream of a DJ to own their own station. Right. They just want to do it without interference.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

So this is what this lets you do.

[Adam Carolla]

So what about average? What about advertising?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, they're not, I'm not going to let them tell me what to do. If you produce results for an advertiser, they don't get to say what I'm going to do.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but, you know, they don't get to say what you do on TV either. On the other hand, if you drop. Well, I'm not even going to say. If you say fuck, then you're going to lose your McDonald's.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, you're right. Fortunately, my programming, we don't say fuck, what the fuck. I do technology oriented content, right? So the advertisers know what they're buying. You're absolutely right. It's harder to sell. Look at MySpace. It's been very hard for them to sell ads because advertisers go, well, we don't know what kind of environment our ads are going to be in. YouTube, same thing. But YouTube has been able to sell ads on known brands like Monty Python because they know what's going to be there, you know, and so the advertisers say, oh, we know them. So you have, you're right. You have to provide an environment that advertisers are comfortable with. And we worked really hard on my podcasts to get them comfortable with it. But the truth is, you know, we deliver this kind of niche, dedicated, niche audience that these guys are dying to talk to. We're a lot cheaper than mainstream media. So in a downtime like this where every dollar counts, these advertisers are actually fleeing satellite television, radio, and going to specialty stuff because it's cheaper and it's more targeted. So we're actually doing better than ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's What I was saying, Leo. I was saying old school advertising is sort of like putting up a billboard and having thousands of people drive past the billboard. But what percentage of those people in Los Angeles even speak English?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Exactly. But by the way, you pay for everybody who goes by English or not when you buy that billboard.

[Adam Carolla]

Number two, one, are interested in the latest Dane Cook rom com. Number three, are going to the movies this weekend. I mean, their batting average has to be horrific because it must be. Every 10 million cars that pass by that billboard, one person goes to see that movie. In your situation, what you're saying is, is, look, we don't have 10 million cars driving past us. We have a couple hundred thousand cars, but they're motivated.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Precisely. The word that advertising community uses these days is engaged. So the. So the difference is, instead of buying millions of loosely engaged viewers, you know, people watch the Man Show. They were coming and going. They were getting a beer, they were watching it. In fact, probably the man show had a much more engaged audience, let's say, than Seinfeld. You know, people were more dedicated to seeing it, but we're taking it to the next degree even more where they don't get up and get a beer. They're really engaged in the content. They feel like they're a part of it. And so an ad is like a friend saying to them, you know, and we're very careful. We only pick products we use that we can. That we can recommend. We do the Paul Harvey thing where we say, I love Bose radio and you will, too. And so it's very much of a kind of a recommendation, and that's very powerful. I don't say it like that, but.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I understand. Good day.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Good day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Paul Harvey, radio pioneer, would probably roll over in his grave if he heard us talking about podcasting and doing a bad imitation of him. Do you think his last.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Do you think his last words were good?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think? So basically, what we're going from is putting flyers on the windshield of every car in the parking lot or using sky riding. Remember when sky riding used to be a viable form of advertising?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They still go to a ballgame. They fly a banner over the top.

[Adam Carolla]

Of the ball game. It's actually. I don't know what happened. It happened to sky riding. Because I feel like when I was a kid, every third or fourth day, I'd leave my house and look up at the sky and there'd be a big thing that says Sheila Hart Mark or something or someone would propose via skywriting. The skywriting Business must really be taking a hit. Maybe it's all the terrorist activity that have thinned these guys out or something. But remember when sky riding was a big deal? My kids, all, they see contrails now, but they don't see sky riding. And then remember when you would get to the sky riding a couple hours too late and you'd have to sit there and go, I think that that G's drifted. That's a G's drifted. His name is Duke. I know his name is Duke. Duke's in love with somebody. I don't think it's another dude. Remember, you'd see the blown out skywriting. It was legal.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's a different side. It was a simpler time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So instead of doing the sky riding or banner over the stadium thing, we're now going to use marksman when it comes to snipers are advertising.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's sniper based advertising. Exactly.50 caliber bullets right to the brain.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you're a Leo Laporte fan and Leo Laporte is writing a book and you're talking about it on your show, then your batting average is going to be much higher than you going on the Tonight show and talking about your book.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Not that Jay whatever have you. He's a dear friend, but no, that's an interesting point.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I've done Regis and Kelly over a dozen times and not one blip.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dick must be sore.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I tell you, not together. I did one at a time. Yeah, one at a time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You've done Regis and Kelly, right?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No blip. I've done the Today show, cnn. I've not done Leno. But you know, obviously I'm not gonna ever do Leno. But, but, but those shows do not get you much benefit, I have to say. You know, I've written 13 books, Adam, and we would go on the. I would go on those shows to try to sell the books. It made the publisher happy, you know, but it never sold books. It never sold books. You sell books by talking to the people who are in the market for that book and saying, you know, hey.

[Adam Carolla]

Here'S a great book now, Leo, I have gone on the Tonight show and plugged my movie and not seen much movement and then gone on Bill Simmons podcast from ESPN and plugged my movie and seen it hop onto the Amazon top 10 list. There you go.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a specific crowd. Obviously, Leno has a much larger crowd, but this is a much more motivated crowd.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They're loosely engaged, they're barely watching. And no, they've Got, they're watching through two.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not seeing Leo, sorry for cutting you off, but I'm curious, like, so there's a lot of people that are listening who think, hey, I could do this, or I'd like to try to do this. How do you get started doing a podcast? What's a cheap. What's a way to do it on the cheap?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

They always said that one of the successes, the key to the success of Bing Crosby was that every guy thought he could sing as well as Bing Crosby. The truth is they couldn't, but they thought they could. It's very easy to make a podcast. What do you have? You have a computer, you have a headset microphone, you have Internet access. You could, you know, the bandwidth for downloading it. I mean, look, somebody downloads 400,000 copies of your show, that's, that's a lot of download. You go through Cash Fly, but you can also go to, if you're a smaller podcast, somebody like, there's a company called Libsyn, Libsyn.com that will let you do it for 30 bucks a month instead of, you know, thousands of bucks a month. So the cost is very low. The real key is, well, how do I get people to listen to this thing? And how do you. Well, you got to build a community around yourself. You know, if you're Adam Carolla, it's an easy thing to do because you're Adam Carolla. You come out of the box with a built in audience.

[Adam Carolla]

If, you know, I realize that. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

If you're Joe Schmo down the street, you have to. It comes down finally to what it always comes down to, making good content. The truth is, I think there's a scarcity of good content, whether it's funny or informative or whatever. There's a scarcity of it. There's a scarcity of it on tv, there's a scarcity of it in movie theaters. If you make something really great, people will find it. You just have to continue to do it and plug it way at it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I was being interviewed by Joel Stein yesterday from the Los Angeles Times, and I said, you know, the thing I think is interesting about the time we're living in is if you have a computer and a microphone and the wherewithal to do this. And it doesn't take much if you were so good that people couldn't ignore you. If we somehow Richard Pryor at age 35 and combined him with George Carlin at age 45 and he just sat there and did one hour of blistering, funny as hell commentary, social commentary, and just was so unbelievably good that he scorched a microphone. People would share it and it would catch on and you would have an audience exactly that way. It would work.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah. The difference is that it used to be there was a monopoly of distribution, that if you didn't get Universal or NBC or Paramount to distribute your stuff, no one would ever hear it. So you could be that brilliant comic in some tiny club somewhere nobody might ever find. Nowadays, you can distribute it, you can get it out there, and it's my opinion that that's better. You know, there's no monopoly.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of a distribution. Now, itunes, as you generously brought up our show, is number one on iTunes and the podcast department, but they don't charge and they don't sell itunes and they don't sell podcasts. They sell songs. Do you ever envision a time when they do sell the things that are on their site other than the songs?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Possibly. I mean, you know, part of the deal. One of the reasons Apple doesn't like to do that is they don't want onesie twosie contracts with everybody. So if you're an independent artist, you can go to CD baby, right? And then do a deal with CD baby and then you can be on itunes. I presume someday that might happen with podcasts, but remember, you know, what happened to Ricky Gervais here? He has the most, you know, listened to podcasts in the world. He goes to audible.com, tries to sell it, and within a month or two, he gave up because nobody bought it. People are used to free radio. They're not going to pay for this stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

He literally went from 400,000 to 4,000 or something.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

We don't know. But I don't think it was very successful because he stopped right away.

[Adam Carolla]

And what about Skype? What do you think of that?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Skype's fantastic. We're using it right now, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I think we are, yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Skype's free. It's. I couldn't do my network without Skype because I live in Podunk town in Northern California. I couldn't get people to come up there. Nevertheless, I get people on because we're. Because of Skype.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you can do Skype and have people call in in real time to your program.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yep, that's what we're doing right now. We're broadcasting. This will be a podcast for you. I'm broadcasting this live right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, sorry for saying fuck.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, fuck it. You know, there's actually a debate in the chat room because we don't let him say fuck in the chat room. And there's a guy saying, you got a double standard. Because Leo could say fuck, but I can't say fuck. That's a double standard. So I said, yes, exactly. That's what we call a double standard.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I know, I know.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Got a problem with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, start podcasting and complain about Leo. That's what you could do.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Leo, do you have any questions for me?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

By the way, where do you get your hair done? Because it's just gorgeous.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I do it myself. It's a mixture of pomade and just simple, simple brewer's yeast.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Did you and Dr. Drew ever have a falling out, or is it just that you went separate ways? What happened there?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you want to know the real story behind me and Dr. Drew?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, you can tell it now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, what happened? Yeah, what happened with me and Dr. Drew? Oh, Jesus. I'll tell you how I never been more pissed in my life. Now, I eventually left Loveline to start doing morning radio and have worked my way up to your podcast, so things are going great for me.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Congratulations on the career trajectory. It's fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

God knows where I'll be a year from now. But I did love Live.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

What happened to that Jimmy Kimmel guy? Did anything ever happen to him? Is he working?

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy Hemorrhoid?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Fallon. He just started. He's funny as hell.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Fallon's good. I like Fallon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. He's like a skinny, funny Jimmy Kimmel. It's like if chicks liked Jimmy Kimmel and he was funny. So I did loveline for, like, 10 years, and then I went off to go do my morning program for about three years or so. But Drew and I. Drew and I only had a couple of big blowouts. One is, and you tell me. And this is why terrestrial radio can kiss my ass. When I was over at kroq, at a certain point after nine years, it had always been what they call favorite nations. For those of you who don't know the lingo, it just means if Leo and I were going to do a show together, whatever the price was, Leo and I would both get the same price, right? It doesn't work out well. When one guy's getting ten times as much as the other guy, they're doing the same amount of work. So it was always favored nations. At a certain point, at the very end of our run over there, they said to me, we're going to offer you one third of what you've been making over the last nine years. But we're going to offer Drew exactly the same what he's getting. So essentially, he'll get paid three times as much as you to do a job where you talk 85% of the time. Now, I don't know what their plan was, and I really, to this day, I don't know if they're trying to drive me out of there, piss me off, get me to quit. I don't know what it was. But I said to Drew, we got to make a plan here, buddy, because we got to stay together on this one. And he immediately just signed his contract. And I said, drew, you know how much money I've made you over the last 10 years with the college tours and Loveline on MTV and all the crap we've done? You know, much money you'd be making right now if you stuck with the poor man or Ricky Rackman. How about it, buddy? And so he pissed me off. And I was stewing, like. So I would go to work every day knowing that the guy next to me was getting paid three times as much as me, and I was doing all the heavy lifting. And then on top of the whole thing, he started going out of town doing, like, engagements and lectures and things like that. And when the way Loveline worked is if I couldn't make it, if I was sick and couldn't make it, they'd run a best of show. If he couldn't make it because he was making money doing something else, I would have to show up, do the show with a substitute document there.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, that tells you who's the valuable there.

[Adam Carolla]

No shit, Sherlock. So he's out doing his thing and he's actually making money. And a band comes in. I think it's like Lincoln park or something. And it was right around the Katrina event. And they said. They said, look, we're raising money and we're going to put you on the spot, Mr. Radio Hotshot, Mr. Big Time, you know, cable and radio TV star. How much can we put you down for? And I said, put me down for four grand. So I said, fine. Now, Drew, ironically, was making four grand or more away from the studio that night, doing some lecture to the guys over at Up John or wherever he was. So they put me down for the money. And then the following day when Drew came back, we were doing a competition where we said, who wants to come in and sit in on Loveline? And the highest bidder, all the money's going to Katrina. But the highest bidder can sit in with us. Well, we had a guy bid $15,000. We had two guys bid $15,000, which I was blown away by. And I said to Drew at that time, listen, buddy, you're not getting away scot free. You're making three times as much money as I am. You are gone making more money. The night I was put on the spot by Lincoln Park. I'm out four grand. I know you're too cheap to give four grand, but you better. You better fork over something, because I'm feeling pretty. Pretty pissed about now. And he was like, yeah, yeah. And the days would turn into weeks, and it kept going on, and he kept like, I don't know. And finally we had the guy who donated the $15,000. He was an astrophysicist from Harvard who later named a meteor after me. Wow. Which I thought is, well, that's awesome. Until it hits the space station, right? And then roll a destroy space station. But there's a fiery ball with my name on it in space. But this guy then came in, and it was like, Tom, you gave $15,000. God bless you. And then I turned to Drew, and I said, oh, Drew, by the way. What? Did you ever. Did you ever give any money away? And he said, no, I never did. And I said, why not, Drew? Why not? And he said, you don't know where that money's going. Oh, really? You got a guy. You got a guy right here that gave $15,000? I gave. Between us, we were given $20,000. You don't know where that money's going? Nope. Oh, no.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's undercutting you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

He's making three times as much as me. At the time, I wanted to choke the life out of him, but he's still there, the ratings suck, and I'm gone. What can you say? And I still consider him a dear friend, although I don't know why. I mean, it's sort of. It's sort of like Rihanna's gonna get back with Chris Brown, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Because you like getting hit in the eye. It's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it is. I like getting punched by Dr. Drew.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, he cut you off the legs on that one.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's cold.

[Adam Carolla]

Jeez, that's harsh.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's one thing not to give money, another thing to say, and you just wasted yours. And nobody else should give any money, you know, because this is a bad idea. That's terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy gave $15,000. It is exactly what he got paid to pay. What? To teach one summer session of astrophysics at Harvard.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

He gave it all to Katrina. Release. Just to come meet Dr. Drew and have Dr. Drew spit in his eyes. It was awesome. Yeah. And then. And I yelled at Drew. I said on the air. He did this on the air. I said, drew, are you high? This guy just gave 15,000. No, you can't say that. A week later we had the second guy who paid $15,000. I brought it up again on the air. He said exactly the same thing. And I thought, but how dumb can you be and be a doctor?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, you. I guess I touched a nerve with that one, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, yeah, there's a lot of nerves. I got a lot of nerves, Leo. But we're good friends today, so I guess the fact I just got it. I just got it out is good. All right, hold on. My stupid buddy Donnie's wanting me to ask Apple versus PC and which one's easier? You know, it's.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That was the first thing you asked me. Does Donnie. He's like a broken record.

[Adam Carolla]

He smoked. No, he's like a broken bong is what he is. Like a broken record.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I would say, I like Apple. Get a Macintosh, Donnie. It's easier to use if you're high.

[Adam Carolla]

What's a good program if you're building a web page?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Boy, that's kind of a more complicated question. You have a webpage, right, Adam? You have AdamCarolla.com, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I didn't build it, so I don't know.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Are you going to build a webpage? Is this for you that you're asking this question?

[Adam Carolla]

No, nothing's for me. It's like when I say, what's. What's a reasonably priced entry level car that gets 40 miles to the gallon? I'm driving an Aston Martin.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You give and you give. People don't give you enough credit.

[Adam Carolla]

I ask for the little people, Leo. You give.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You give so much of yourself, Adam. You're like Jerry Lewis. It's beautiful. The hair, too. So I would say if you're going to do a website, looks like I'm looking at your site. It looks like you use. You're using WordPress or something like that on there, which is a good choice. Yeah, you got WordPress. So WordPress.com is a great place for people to go. Or blogger.com, if they really don't, you know, they don't want to pay for it. They would just want to get some stuff up on the web. Your site's a little plain, I'm going to say. It's a little simple.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I told him not to gussy it up too much, that we're going sort of pirate. Right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I like that. It's functional. It's functional.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, also, you know, it's an interesting question and again, I'm a newbie to this whole podcast world, but you know, we were talking about growing the show and we're talking about, you know, some bells and some whistles and getting a theme song and making it into a show. And then I sort of thought to myself, maybe the reason people like this format is. It's not that.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want that.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think you're right. I think in a lot of ways we do this, the music at the beginning and kind of more professional kind of thing. But that was because we were trying to counter that impression that we weren't, you know, that we were amateurs.

[Adam Carolla]

You.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's the other way around. It's Adam Unplugged. It's get rid of all the, you know, the blow dried stage scripted stuff and let's see. The. Let's see. Of course your show's always been like that. It's not like. But I think people are so sick of that. That whole, you know, you watch CNN and it's just there's, you know, there's nobody home. It's like empty eyes, like shark eyes. There's nobody there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, it's like I watch CNN in the morning. I see them do interviews with terrorist exper experts that last 18 seconds.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, there's no substance.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's nothing there. And by the way, during those 18 seconds, there's four crawls moving along the underside of the screen. I mean, I know everyone has a short attention span, but I think this sort of ADD culture is kicking the crap out of us.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Television thinks, you know, this television thinks everybody's stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, absolutely. Well, stupid and sort of half deaf and half blind. Like cataracts, uses a tin horn, won't get it, joke unless it's teed up and you're hit over the head with it with a paddle. So maybe this is the counter to that. And you know what, Leo? It's interesting because back to my arch nemesis, Dr. Drew, when he and I used to go out and do college tours, we would go to anyone who would have us and we would go to some of these state schools and we would go to like northern Dekalb University where if you sign your name on your SATs and have a GED you're in. And then we would go to places like Brown and Stanford and places that were obviously much more difficult academically. And I noticed after doing 100 colleges, I noticed that the lower the academics, the easier it was to get in. Essentially, the dumber the student body, the faster they would get fidgety. IF document. If Dr. Drew spoke for more than 45 or 50 seconds at a time without me tossing in a dick joke, the entire auditorium of three or four thousand kids at the crappy school, you could feel them squirming and rolling and sort of getting uncomfortable. Just that general, believe me, when you're on a stage in front of 4,000 people and they're all collectively getting bored at the same time. Well, Leo, I don't have to tell you what that sound is like.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Oh, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You know, you've been there many, many times.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Well, I pretty much my life right there.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it, right?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I could feel the people. I could feel the people tuning out. No, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you're right.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Now the question is, did mass media teach us that short attention span or are they doing it in response to our short attention span, which came first?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's. I think they both feed each other. I think there's an impulse. I think people like greasy food. So a fast food place opens on a corner and then more greasy food is consumed and then another McDonald's opens and it becomes a negative cycle.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah, no, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously, obviously there needs to be a kernel of I like bacon melted onto everything I eat, otherwise the place would go out of business. But there is a way, I believe, to say, look, here's a healthy alternative. And we never did that as a society. We just said, what do the people want? They want more bacon and they want more biscuits and they want more grease, and by God, we're going to give it to them. So I noticed, speaking to students that were not so high up the academic food chain that they. Their ability to listen was decreased quite a bit from the better students and the better academic institutions. And so the folks need the bell. The dumber you are, the more bells and whistles you need, and the smarter you are, the less you need. Your voice alone is stimulating enough.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I think that, you know, I always came from. And we were told, you know, when we did tech tv, we said, never say educational. Cable companies will never pick it up if it's educational. But I always, I always made. I always made the Assumption that our audience was intelligent and they wanted to be treated as intelligent adults and give them some content. Yeah, maybe dress it up, make it entertaining, make it interesting. But ultimately, people, I think humans are learning machines. And if you give them a chance, they want to learn, they want to get better.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. And I really do think most adults are sort of like troubled teens and that, you know, maybe they come from a broken neighborhood and they come from the wrong side of the tracks and it could easily be swayed to join a gang. Or you could start an after school program and they could learn computers and play basketball in the nighttime park league and stay out of trouble. The same kid could go down gang banger route or could go down the vocational learning route the same kid. It's just us as a society. And to me, radio and TV especially has said, come join our gang of idiot.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah. So you think that this is. This is the crux of it? You think media has a responsibility?

[Adam Carolla]

I think, you know, that's a very interesting question. I think anyone who does anything creative has a responsibility to themselves, not really to the kid who they may influence to go the wrong direction, but has a responsibility to themselves, which is, I'm going to attempt to say something or create something. I don't want to just crank out some crap that is going to move the most units.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Now, Adam, I got to point out, you did the man show. This had girls jumping on trampolines.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Yeah, well, you know the man show. Well, here's where the man show how the man show was born. Jimmy is raping me in the shower.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

That's all we really need to know right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Tells me not to say it that way. All right, the other way, Jimmy went out with someone like Ellen K. Or some other morning show, female, peroxide blonde type, and they wanted to do a kind of Good Morning Glendale, he said. And he was driving home from this very crappy interview, and he said, adam, they want women to like me, and my wife doesn't even like me. There's no way. He turned out to be a prophet, by the way, when it came to that call, because they've been forced for a couple years now. But the point is, I said, you're right. Your wife doesn't even like you. He said, we need to do our own show and we got to make it all the stuff we think is, and we got to do our own thing and we got keep it real, as it were. No, he said, he said, we got together and we started doing the man show. And. And when it came time to sort of show it to the network or talk with the network. They said, but what about the female perspective? Where's the female voice? And we said, no, no, no, that's the point. It's our show. It's a show for guys. It's a show we want to. And yeah, it turned out to be really successful based on the fact that the network didn't get in and water it down and commodities.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

But you're saying it was tongue in cheek, it was comedy. You weren't trying to save the world?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I mean, I mean, look, you know, there's, there's great stuff. I mean, there's, there's, there's art or commentary or literature that's important and there's stuff that just puts a smile on your face. I'm not judging. I don't think that, you know, being George Carlin is any more noble than doing prop humor. If the prop humor is done to the best of the ability of guy who's doing the prop humor. It's just when the guy who's doing the prop humor says, I'm going to talk to the man and find out how we can get the most people in here and I'll pull out. I'll pull out of the trunk what they want me to pull out of the trunk.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

There's the mistake. So you're saying artistic integrity trumps everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the minute you start thinking, what do other people want to hear as opposed to what do I have to say? You're screwing up the artistic process. It's no longer it's been usurped. Now it's like if you're painting a painting and you say, I'm going to take a quick poll and find out what people want me to paint versus, yeah, paint Mona Lisa or this bowl of fruit. The second you start asking people in the village what painting you'd like to see them paint, then the whole chain is interrupted. The whole process is screwed up.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

No, I'm with you. I mean, that's every. Any creative person has to come from the heart. And the minute you chase ratings or money, you're going to lose your soul and you're going to lose your talent and probably you're going to lose your audience at the same time. I'm with you 100% on that. It's scary for people because they think they need to make a list.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And, you know, I feel like if you're talented, you can make a living. And, you know, with that being said, I'm now embarking on my journey back into carpentry and Cape Horn.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

You know, I've got a closet that could really use some help if you want to maybe help me organize redesign. Anything you want.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Leo, if you would only come out of it.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Hey, can I ask you one more question? I know you're probably running out of time, but this is something I find very interesting. How do you deal with. We've got a message board now. You've got fans talking back to you in a way that they really didn't and couldn't do when you were doing mainstream media. How does that feel for you? Is that a good thing? Is it a tough thing for you to adjust to?

[Adam Carolla]

I really enjoy the interaction. I really like the real time nature of this. I always love the back and forth. I mean, I've always loved radio and talk radio because of the exchange that you have. And always like the fact that, you know, when people stop me at the supermarket, they call me Adam. They call me by my character's name from the sitcom. So for me, the back and the force is what I like and it's what doing what we're doing right now.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yeah. Skype is not behaving well right now, unfortunately, this sometimes happens. Tell Donnie to stop downloading the porn on the BitTorrent thing there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I will. I'm sorry. How do you ask a question, Donnie, what do you have? Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm sorry. Donnie handed me a note. Leo?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Yes, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

Can you hear me?

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

I can hear you.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to thank. I want to thank you for your time. This has been most informative.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

It's been great. I've really enjoyed it. You know, you're somebody who comes from a similar background to me, the talk radio background. I'm with you on that. I love the two way, the interaction, the conversation. And I'm really glad you gave me some time to talk to you. Good luck with the podcast stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks. And I'd love show whenever.

[Dr. Drew Pinsky]

Deal. Love to have you.

[Adam Carolla]

Good times.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's episode nine with Leo Leort. That does it for today's cruel classics. I hope you enjoyed all the clips. Until next time, Hollow and get it on.