Made Up Movies with Adam Yenser and Macey Isaacs

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show

Episode: Made Up Movies with Adam Yenser and Macey Isaacs

Date: December 9, 2025
Guests: Adam Yenser, Macey Isaacs, Jason “Mayhem” Miller (news)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show features comedians Adam Yenser and Macey Isaacs joining Adam for signature banter, memorable anecdotes, and their popular “Made Up Movies” segment. The panel explores the art (and pitfalls) of clean stand-up comedy, dives into hypothetical and pop culture observations, and performs a hilarious round of movie pitches that lampoon Hollywood and pop trends. The conversation later pivots to cultural commentary, including disability accommodations in universities, woke advertising, Tarantino’s brutal honesty, and viral controversies in America, all delivered in Carolla’s irreverent, fast-paced style.

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1. Panel Intro & The Challenge of Clean Comedy

Timestamps: 03:31–14:42

• Adam introduces the ‘Dry Bar’ panel:
  • Macey Isaacs and Adam Yenser both have special Dry Bar stand-up sets—comedy sets known for their stringent “clean” content rules.
  • Discussion on adapting their acts for the ultra-clean format.

Key Discussion:

• Macey’s experience:

  • She was already a clean comic, but Dry Bar’s rules go beyond just language—covering content and even certain medical terms.
  • "I'm clean, but I'm dark. So, you know, I had to kind of run some things by them." (Macey, 05:26)

• Adam on clean content:

  • The hardest part isn’t avoiding bad words but skirting certain topics considered sensitive by the audience or producers.
  • “I said the word 'gynecologist', and the air spilled out of the room... It's like, that's a word…and it's a legitimate thing.” (Adam, 07:00)

• Funny workaround attempts:

  • Dry Bar audiences recoil at medical terms; joke about using "basement orthodontist" instead.
  • "They would call them the basement orthodontist. That's right, ladies, you know you're at the basement orthodontist, am I right?" (Adam, 06:41)

Notable Moment:

• Navigating audience sensitivities:
  • Macey's mother hesitates to see a female gynecologist—and loses trust after discovering she’s a lesbian, sparking a debate about biases, perceptions of professionalism, and the male gaze.
  • “You have a black belt below the belt knowledge!” (Adam, 08:44)

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2. Parental Support in Public Scandal: The P. Diddy Trial Hypothetical

Timestamps: 14:42–21:46

• Adam’s hypothetical:

  • Who has it worse in a highly charged trial: the accused’s mother or the victim’s spouse?
  • Adam ponders how Cassie’s husband could cope with hearing trial details, versus P. Diddy’s elderly mother.

• Consensus:

  • The group agrees: Hearing explicit, painful details about a spouse is generally more personally scarring.
  • “Can you respect that, or am I weak?... I just don't think I could have all of this imagery in my head.” (Adam, 15:58)

• Memorable Moment:

  • Joking about faking an injury to avoid attending court:
    • “Should Cassie’s husband, walking out to the town car, just hurl himself and go down hard, writhing, holding his knee?... Fake the injury.” (Adam, 19:20–19:48)

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3. Segment: Made Up Movies

Timestamps: 21:51–49:45

(a) Pinky Cheeks – A Rob Schneider Movie Pitch

Timestamps: 22:10–30:37

• Premise:

  • Rob Schneider, playing an everyman in the Midwest, goes undercover in an Asian women's waxing salon (Pinky Cheeks) to sabotage his girlfriend’s Playboy audition—so she stays with him.
  • Hilarity ensues as he bonds, in disguise, with a “Cinderella” co-worker, ponders romance, and causes waxing disasters.

• Memorable Beats:

  • "He has to go undercover as an Asian woman to get a job at Pinky Cheeks." (Adam, 24:32)
  • Discussing the ‘love interest’ subplot where Schneider, still in disguise, tries to learn Mandarin, only to mangle the language in a pivotal scene.
  • “There's that thing in movies where she's somehow attracted to him, but we don't know why, because she still thinks he's a woman…” (Adam, 27:01)

• Ending:

  • The finale mimics classic fish-out-of-water comedies and musical numbers, with multiple layers of mistaken identity and emotional revelations.

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(b) Cocaine Barracuda – The Mega-Action Spoof

Timestamps: 30:42–49:45

• Premise:

  • A send-up of “Cocaine Bear”: Drug-smuggling boats explode; cocaine saturates the Caribbean; barracudas become bloodthirsty, coked-out predators.
  • The Rock stars as a deep-cover Navy SEAL who, after his wife is kidnapped by a cartel, must contend with both narcos and drug-fueled killer fish.

• Plot escalates:

  • Wife (played by Dua Lipa) is kidnapped; Helen Mirren is suggested as the drug lord.
  • In true popcorn action fashion, there's a rescue mission, young Cuban boys adrift at sea, and a drone-wielding nerd (Rami Malek) who helps pluck the heroes from the ocean.
  • High-octane scenes: "He obviously punches the barracudas. He fights the barracudas. Yes. Okay, like body slam. Barracuda slam." (Adam, 37:26)
  • Sequel teased: “Cocaine Crab” is the post-credits scene.

• Memorable Quotes:

  • “Your greatest nightmare is a coked-out barracuda when you’re in the open sea.” (Adam, 37:28)
  • “As a comic button, he pushes Rob Schneider out to dance in full costume with Shen Yun.” (Adam, 30:09)
  • “You will be producers, but you’ll only get paid on the back end, so you’ll probably never see any profit.” (Adam, 49:57)

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4. On Disability "Spectrum" Abuse in Ivy League Schools

Timestamps: 54:51–68:58

• Topic:

  • Adam rants about rampant exploitation of disability accommodations at elite universities—students registering as "disabled" to get academic perks like more time on exams.
  • “Once we created a spectrum, everybody's potentially within the spectrum…” (Adam, 55:28)

• Supporting Evidence:

  • The Atlantic article: At Brown, Harvard, 20%+; at Stanford, 38% of undergrads are registered as disabled.
  • Examples: Extra time on exams, not having to participate in class, bringing mothers to class as an accommodation.

• Panel View:

  • Adam: The system is inevitably gamed; no human program can avoid abuse.
  • "It's not a bad idea in theory—just that it will never work, and thus it becomes a bad idea."
  • Yenser links it to victim culture and the meaninglessness of the spectrum: "It reminds me of girls looking at a horoscope… it's vague things that could apply to anyone." (Adam Yenser, 66:03)
  • The “truth is for all” except when it’s inconvenient—a running theme.

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5. Cultural Observations: The Tesla “Dog Mode” & Woke Advertising

Timestamps: 76:47–90:53

• Dog Mode in Teslas:

  • Adam rails against superficial virtue signaling: bumper stickers saying “Don’t blame me; I just bought this for dog mode.”
  • Brief discussion on Tesla’s “dog mode” climate function—riffing as if cars should have “ex-husband” (sits with a cold beer in the parking lot) and “sheep mode.”

• Woke Marketing & The VW Sheep Ad:

  • Adam lampoons the trend of forcibly diverse, “woke” commercials. Watches and dissects a Volkswagen ad featuring a mixed-race gay couple and a sheep they (sort of) adopt.
    • “We went clinically insane in like the weird woke department a few years ago in this country. And Madison Avenue always jumps on it.” (Adam, 83:18)
  • Bit about "sheep theft" anxiety and mock ad pitch sessions for woke commercials.

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6. News Segment with Jason “Mayhem” Miller

Timestamps: 94:31–134:05

• Viral Cinnabon Racism Video:

  • Discussion of a Cinnabon worker in Wisconsin fired for shouting slurs; GoFundMe campaigns spring up on both sides.
  • “They started a GoFundMe thing with her… She’s attractive—she could just find a Klansman and marry him and have some clan kitties.” (Adam, 96:15)
  • The panel dissects how public rage, doxxing, and GoFundMe campaigns now play into controversies.

• Woke Witch-Hunting:

  • Adam argues repercussions now extend to those donating to controversial causes, not just the 'offenders' themselves.

• Tarantino Sparks Drama: Paul Dano as "Weakest Male Actor"

  • Quentin Tarantino purportedly slags Paul Dano; Hollywood rushes to Dano’s defense.
  • Adam and group debate Tarantino’s own acting, method, and taste—pivoting to debate on "Little Miss Sunshine" and its influence on "woke" cinema ("That was the jump the shark moment as a nation"; Adam, 121:12).

• Bill Maher vs. Anna Kasparian on Middle East Stability:

  • Clip played where Maher challenges Kasparian on whether U.S. “destabilization” is the root of Middle Eastern restrictions on women.
  • Adam highlights Maher’s rare-for-the-left pragmatism, lampooning equivocations and rhetorical dodging.

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7. Notable Quotes & Humorous asides

• “We're not gonna say the word gynecologist; we have to say ‘the basement orthodontist’.” (Adam, 06:25)
• “If you’re gonna create perks for everyone on a ‘spectrum’, everyone will suddenly be on the spectrum.” (Adam, 55:28)
• “Every time someone is sitting at a restaurant, they have the black couple, the Asian couple, the white couple... they just went nuts.” (Adam, 83:18)
• “Any guy who gets an earring after 45, I’m like: douche.” (Adam, 82:21)
• “The computer did it? Yeah... the computer just changed the number on you.” (Adam, 73:46)
• “You give people the opportunity to go, ‘Why’d you get fired?’ and it’s never, ‘I didn’t work hard.’” (Adam, 69:35)
• On "Little Miss Sunshine": “That movie is 15 years old. It was the first woke movie. We started turning woke in the movies.” (Adam, 127:09)

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8. Quick Plugs

Timestamps: 91:06–91:26

• Macey Isaacs: Special “Half Sister” available on Dry Bar Comedy (use code: all caps PROMO for free access).
• Adam Yenser: Stand-up dates in Lake Tahoe and Little Rock; full list at AdamYenser.com
• Mayhem Miller: T-shirts at mayhemnow.com
• Adam Carolla: Upcoming live dates at AdamCarolla.com

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9. Tone and Language

Characteristic Carolla: irreverent, rapid-fire, nuanced, often darkly comic, frequently self-deprecating, with guests playing the straight man (or woman) or one-upping with their own dry wit and cultural zings.

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10. Key Takeaways

• Clean comedy requires more than word substitution; audiences are more sensitive than ever.
• Every system of perks or accommodations—especially those with vague criteria—will be gamed.
• Woke culture and diversity in advertising have reached a point of parody.
• American pop reaction to controversy is performative, fickle, and often weaponized via social media.
• The “Made Up Movies” segment is a fun, collaborative takedown of Hollywood trends and a showcase for the panel’s improvisational talents.

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Ideal for listeners who…
Appreciate behind-the-scenes comedy talk, enjoy satirical takes on culture and Hollywood, or want sharp, funny takes on current events—without the need for prior episode context.

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Sample Timestamps Index

• [03:58] – Clean comedy challenges
• [07:00] – The “gynecologist” bit
• [14:53] – P. Diddy trial support hypothetical
• [22:10] – Made Up Movies: “Pinky Cheeks”
• [30:42] – Made Up Movies: “Cocaine Barracuda”
• [54:51] – Disability spectrum in universities
• [83:18] – Woke commercials dissection (VW sheep ad)
• [94:31] – News segment: Cinnabon racist viral
• [107:08] – Tarantino vs. Paul Dano drama
• [129:03] – Bill Maher/Anna Kasparian Islam debate

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Transcript

[A]

Well, in this episode, comedian Adam Yenzer is back. Macy Isaacs, comedian is in as well. And Mayhem's got the news. And we'll do all that right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Bowl season is here and Betonline gives you more ways to play. The latest odds, breaking news, live scores and in game betting so you never miss a moment of college football bowls, NFL playoff races. It's all there, all the time. Every bowl matchup, NFL late season games, all the way to NBA hardwood battles, college hoops tip offs. Bet Online has you locked in all year long. And if you love UFC fights and NHL futures, bet online is the place to get in on all of the action. And when it's time to switch gears, dive into Betonline's casino packed with hundreds of the hottest slots, classic table games, live dealers and massive jackpots waiting to be hit. And don't forget the VIP program with exclusive level up bonuses, weekly cash boosts and and rewards design for serious players. Head to Betonline today because at betonline the game starts here.

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[B]

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From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedians Macy Isaacs and Adam Yenzer. Plus the news with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now.

Not very merry, but definitely bright Adam Carolla.

[A]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the church and mandates you get it On. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks. Tell the friend we love that about you. It's a dry bar power panel here. Macy Isaacs has one that is just out. Half sister Adam has his as well, and then I got a few out as well, so. Good times. Macy.

Were you a clean comedian before dry bar, or did you have to clean it up for. For dry bar?

[C]

I was clean. And it's. I'm not on purpose, just so happens, but there were a couple of. You know, their. Their rules are even more different than the classic clean, I think so.

[A]

Because.

The challenge is not the verbiage. Anyone who's done radio. I've done radio my whole life. It's just a lot of, oh, these.

This guy dropped an F bomb. And then this GD thing with this B comes out of her car and starts calling me a GD A hole. All of a sudden, it sounds like military doc.

Alpha, beta, Charlie, zebra. You know, you can get used to that.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But what you don't realize is the content. Some of the ideas are a little scatty, you know?

[C]

Yeah. And I never realized. I said, oh, my God.

[A]

Right, Right.

[C]

So it's like, I think she's. I did two tapings, you know, I think. And so the first taping, my husband was there for both of them, and he was like. You said, oh, my God. I go, no, no way. And he goes, you did? I go, oh, my God. Okay, well, so. So things like that. But. And of course, darker. I'm clean, but I'm dark. So, you know, I had to kind of run some things by them.

[A]

Yeah. And so I think it's a challenge. Like, I don't get that it's a handicap. I think it's kind of a. Fun. It's fun.

[D]

Yeah. I've always enjoyed the challenge of trying to write clean jokes, but I work a little bit dark, too, and that was a thing where it was like, you don't want the audience to pull back just from the idea.

[A]

Yeah. I said the word gynecologist, and the air spilled out of the room. It was like someone opened the door and. And we were in outer space. And it just got. Everything got sucked out. Like, I said gynecologist. The place just went, oh. And I was like, I'm talking about a Lumi commercial where the woman says, in the commercial. My gynecologist told me, like, it's a commercial. They run it during the day. I don't know how sensitive you can be. How are we with dentists, orthodontists? Can we say these things.

It's primetime TV commercial, network stuff. You should be able to handle this at dry bar.

[D]

You have to call the gynecologist. The downstairs orthodontist.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[C]

I wish someone would have told me that because I said the gynecologist as well, and it didn't. It also said you said gynecologist. I sure did. I really thought it was okay.

[E]

It was.

[A]

It was like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They would call them the basement orthodontist. That's right, ladies, you know you're at the basement orthodontist. Am I right?

[C]

I like that we're using orthodontist instead of dentist. It's as if needs to be straightened.

[F]

Out down there as opposed to clean.

[D]

Some guys already have a fear that there will be teeth down there. That's true.

[C]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

So.

You guys have been on stage a bunch, and there's jokes or you don't get the reaction you want. There's jokes where you get more reaction than you expected. There's jokes where you bring up race or something and people get uncomfortable. But I just said the word gynecologist and I felt everyone go like, oh. Like they leaned back in their chairs and I was like, that's first off. That's a word. And then it's a legitimate thing. Like, I don't know, it's a medical term.

Maybe I didn't expect them to go with me on the journey, but I didn't know that word was going to make them all physically repel from the stage. And I was like, oh, shit. Well, all right. But you know, for the second show, you just go, we're not gonna.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Well, what was your gynecologist joke?

[C]

My gynecologist joke that did not make the final cut, I believe was.

[A]

That's why I figured we can talk.

[C]

About it today is my mom was calling me because she was saying that she needed to find a new gynecologist. And I didn't ask why, but she told me and she said that, you know.

They want me to see he's retiring. But they referred me to a woman gynecologist and she's always had a man. And I said, oh, well, that's not. I have a woman, to be honest. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer it. And she said, okay, but she was nervous about it. So she goes to see this. This woman. She comes back and she calls me and she says, you know, I'm never going back.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

And I go, what happened? She Said, well, she's a lesbian.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And I. And I was like, huh? I was like, I kind of actually think that's ideal, you know? Who better knows?

[F]

Well, I area.

[A]

I agree. Yes. You have a black belt in beneath the belt activity. You have a black belt below the belt knowledge. I agree. But there's now a component to it that's possibly sexualized. Although any straight male gynecologist has.

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[D]

That's the difference. It feels like it's the same conundrum.

[C]

My mom says that's the issue. She just knows too much. Which I love that thought of.

[A]

I mean, there's. There's also a short of a stigma, which is like, if you're gay, you shouldn't be around boys. You know what I mean? So if I'm like, I'm a straight guy, I can go out with my daughter's volleyball team when she's 13, and it's fine. But if you're gay in your son's volleyball team, it's a little implied that, well, he's already playing fast and loose with the Lord, you know what I mean? What else is he willing to bend? What are the rules he's willing to skirt? You know? Like, it's a little prejudiced, I think, you know? Cause what we do is we go gay and lesbian. So we go, okay, they're already sort of off the trail a little bit. What else might they do? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, sure, the heterosexual guy is looking at your mom, but he has strict standards. But that lesbo, she can be bought.

[D]

You know, Is still the way God intended.

[E]

Right? Right.

[C]

And I think that's the old guard way of thinking, because then my new guard's like, that straight man bad.

[A]

Well, let me say this about the gynecologist for the ladies and the gender and the sexual proclivities and things like that. It's not about you. It's more about your husband. Now, I'm sorry, ladies, but it's important that it's like a massage therapist. Like, you go, I'm gonna go get a massage. And it's like, what do we do? Well, I get naked and I crawl in a sheet, and then I get lubed up. And you go, I'd prefer a woman be in that position. And then you go, what business? And it's like, I'm the dude. You know what I mean? Like, I have thoughts. And so the gynecologist's choice is between you and your vagina. But also, you have to include your husband. Now, there may be guys that are self actualized, who just don't care at all and whatever, but most guys, you gave them like two beers. Would prefer a woman be looking at their wife. Absolutely. Than a man be looking. It's a pecking order. You want woman, but you don't want lesbian. But you would like a deep ethnicity like Indian or Chinese or something that you just go, I don't. I don't know who she's talking to. But no one's gonna understand her where I'm from. You know what I mean? So now I came up with an invention for just this situation. Yes. For the guys, they're fine with a gay gynecologist.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And if I am a straight gynecologist, I put together a kit for the office. It's a picture of you and your husband.

[B]

Wedding.

[A]

We put some shots of adopted child from Laos and that kind of stuff. And then the husband and you go, oh, he's gay. So, you know, he may be a poonhound outside of this, but he. For the office, for the waiting room, for the husband. Picture him in the. You know, and you just send in your picture and we photoshop you with an A.I. nice looking guy.

[D]

That's the only place a guy barefoot.

[A]

In Hawaii, on the beach, marriage. Right.

[D]

That's the only place a guy is relieved to walk in and see the pride flag with all the different triangles and numbers. That's the only. Oh, thank goodness they have one of those here.

[A]

So we would like. We would like. Here's the pecking order. We want. All right. No, we want woman of a nationality, Soviet bloc.

Something with an accent. Something with a deep accent. I believe that's why all the women that do all the bikini waxings are all from some place somewhere deep, you know, where guys go, I don't want some. Dude, look at. No, it's just she's. And then not only it's a she, but it's she who will never talk.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

You'll never be at a cocktail party. And the woman who waxes your vagina is gonna come walking in flapping her lips. Right. Pardon the pun. Yeah, that's fine. All right, so we went woman, deep nationality. Then after that we'll just take woman. And then after that we'll take gay man. And then after that we'll take lesbian woman. And then at the bottom is heterosexual straight dude.

[C]

Okay, okay.

[D]

I'm just curious, how many. Just as a curiosity, how many gay male gynecologists there are? That they would be like, can't stand them. But I'm gonna go study that. Just clinically and for the money.

[C]

I think it's good to study in the most fear.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It is a way to face that.

[C]

You brought up the waxing deep cover.

[A]

Like Donnie Brasco, I'm gonna infiltrate the mob. Sorry. Yeah.

[C]

No, I went to a fancy waxing place.

[A]

Oh, you did?

[C]

Yeah. And she ended up coming by accident. I saw her at one of my shows. That does happen. I ran. It was weird. It was weird. She was with her boyfriend and she goes, I remember. And I go, oh, boy.

[A]

Let me ask. Yeah, see, yeah.

[C]

It's not right.

[A]

You can't humanize them. That's the part that's the trouble, I think for guys, I feel like the rub and tug is a lot the same way. Like, I don't know who this person is, but she's never gonna show up at a party that my wife's at and start talk, you know, like, we don't run in anywhere near the same circles. I'll never see her outside of the Orchids of the Orient or wherever Bob Kraft goes. All right, here's it.

[E]

All right?

[A]

We got made up movies to do. I've been thinking about things, but I got a hypothetical that I laid on the guys.

Who were watching football the other day, and they all came up with the same answer. But I'm curious, and I'll include Dawson and Andrew on this too. I was thinking about the P. Diddy trial, and I was joking that P. Diddy's mom showed up every day at the trial, which she did. And I do a joke or I go, there's no way I could have got my mom to come to my rape trial. That bitch wouldn't go to a Little League. And I started so sort of a joke. But I did picture P. Diddy's mom, who's 85, who basically.

Right before she dies, she's gonna have to have all this imagery shoved into her head. Right? You know, like. Well, he liked to beat on me, and then his arm would get tired, so he'd pee on me for a while. Then that's my boy. You know, like, they just gotta do that. But the other person that had to attend the trial was Cassie's husband.

[D]

Oh, man.

[A]

Yeah. So in the first off, I'm the guy. Listen, I had twins. They told me I needed to be in the delivery room. I was like, why do I need to be there? I don't want to be there. You know, you have to I'm like, why? Why do I. I don't want to. Like, I. I would be okay. I think I might pull Cassie aside and go, I know you want me to be supportive. I just don't think I could have all of this imagery in my head. I just feel like it would. It's gonna affect the relationship. Can you respect that, or am I weak? And then who do we want? Like, you wanna be Cassie's husband hearing about the crusher being flown in from Henderson while we film you having sex for 14 hours? Or do you want to be P. Diddy's mom? Like, who should have avoided that trial more?

[D]

I think definitely it's the husband. Because I feel like with the mom, it's humiliating and it will weigh on her, but I feel like that bond between a mother and a son, as long as there's not been, like, a falling out in life, I feel like she'll always love her son. Like, no matter what they do, there's an unconditional love.

[A]

The consensus with the football watchers, which is, it would be tougher on the dudes.

[D]

Yeah. Cause you're picking that relationship. It's consensual. You're joining that person. And once you hear that, it's like, that changes your image of that person.

[A]

Also, is it that we're all just dudes who have a girlfriend or a wife and go, I'm not an elderly black woman with a music mogul son. Like, we could all be there and go, oh, no. I would never want to picture my wife up there on that stand or whatever. But.

[C]

Well, I neither. And I think I'd still rather be P. Diddy's mom because I even think. I almost think P. Diddy's mom needed to be there, to be honest, because I saw the first episode. This is always good, right? When you've only seen the first episode or something. The first episode of the new Reckoning documentary of him. And it seems like she really beat the hell out of him, too.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[C]

You know, so I think.

[A]

And I. Yeah, she needed to be there.

[C]

I think she needed to be there. Again, I've only seen the first.

[A]

If you're Cassie's husband, are you having a conversation? I don't know how.

Or.

Well, in the movie Pepillon, Steve McQueen. Great movie. Dustin Hoffman flies under the radar, but it's a great film. Pepillon plays a French prisoner who's being taken to Devil's island and, you know, 1892 or something. And Devil's Island's, like, people just go, There to die. They used to take the prisoners and just go, well, we're not going to keep them in Paris. We'll ship them off to French Guiana and they can just live there and who cares? They can't escape. And when they're getting off the boat, the transport boat that was taking them to devil's island, Steve McQueen threw himself down the gangplank like he rolled and then ended up in the infirmary. Because you could live in the infirmary. You wouldn't make it outside. Should Cassie's husband of walking out to the town car, just hurled himself that lip and just went down hard, writhing, holding his knee. You know what I mean? You go ahead. You know, I got driven to a hospital. You know what I mean? Faked an injury.

[D]

And then he could also use that, as you know, I'm injured now. You probably don't want to be with me anymore.

[A]

This is probably. No, I'll be with you. I'm not showing up to the courthouse.

[D]

Oh, to avoid the courthouse.

[A]

I'm saying avoid the courthouse. No, not after.

[D]

I think that's worth it. To avoid the courthouse. Yeah.

[A]

Fake the injury.

[D]

I don't want to know. Yeah.

[A]

You can't say I don't want to know. You have to fake the injury.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to pretend to be supportive. That's true.

[C]

I don't know why she wanted him there either.

[A]

I.

Thank you. I gotta tell you, I'm one of the few people I know who just say to people like, you don't want to be there. I know. You have to pretend like you want to be there and you want to be supportive. Like, you really don't need to come to this whatever it is. Like, I'm the guy who goes to the dentist, gets a tooth pulled, gets put in a twilight and put under, and they go, you have to have someone pick you up. Oh, yeah, I got this. I don't know. I got it. I got it. Like, I hate that feeling. I would definitely tell my husband, stay home. You do not want to hear whatever's being discussed in this place.

[D]

Yeah, that makes sense. I was also wondering, if you're a diddy, who do you feel? He seems like a sociopath. But if you're a rational person, who do you feel more comfortable having hearing all this stuff? Your mother or a former partner or a current partner? Because I feel like there it'd be worse for the partner to hear for them. But as a person, it's like, I wouldn't want my mom hearing that stuff. That would be more traumatizing to me in that situation.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, if you were the one who.

[A]

Was being exposed, I would. If I were Diddy, I would campaign hard to keep mom at home. Yeah, exactly. And if I were Cassie, I would campaign hard to keep the husband at home. And then at some point, your lawyer, if you're diddy, your lawyer would go, it looks better to have your mom. And I go, really? Is it really?

[D]

Really?

[A]

I think she's gonna be a distraction. Yeah. Like, let's just roll the dice and keep her at home.

[D]

And he knows what he did. He's like, I'm probably going to jail. I would rather go to jail without her knowing that.

[A]

Right.

[C]

I'd rather just lock me up. Don't let my mom see this.

[A]

All right, Made up movies. We can all join in on this.

[B]

In a world where titles are many and plots are few, one man can take your movie name and make them come to life.

[A]

What is going on?

[B]

Adam Carolla stars in.

Made Up Movie.

[A]

As a sidebar, in the Made up movie, we were talking about waxing places. This wasn't my main one, but I think a Rob Schneider I came up many years ago for with a Rob Schneider vehicle from, like, picture. Rob Schneider, like, movie, like circa 1997, right. This one is called Pinky Cheeks and Pinky Cheeks, Rob Schneider is like, schlubby little guy, but somehow is with this Jenny McCarthy type. Like, has this really hot blonde girlfriend, and they both, like, work together at, like, the Chick Fil a or something. And at some point, some, like, hotshot comes in and it's like, you too good. You know, with a scarf, says to her, woman as beautiful as you shouldn't be. And they're out. They're in, like, Nebraska or Indiana or something. And he's like, you know, I do some photo shoots for Playboy. Why don't I fly out, we'll do a shoot, you know, whatever. And she's like, oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. And he. Rob realizes that if she goes out to LA, she's gone. She's gonna. It's gonna be a star 80 situation. She's gonna be dating one of the Bogdanovich brothers or something, and she's gone. She's never coming back to him again in Muncie, Indiana, right? So he has to pretend to be like, support. She's like, this could lead to big things. We could both. I could fly you out after I get established, and we could do film and TV and stuff. And he's going like, yeah, this never. You're going to Hook up with Charlie Sheen and I'll never see you again. Right? So she finds out, Rob finds out that before the shoot, the day before the shoot, all the models get sent to a place called Pinky Cheeks to get all cleaned up down there to be done just the way they like it at Playboy. And Schneider's like, what is this place? And he goes out, investigates, and it's just a bunch of Asian women who are just waxing all these hot blonde models and all these various bizarre positions and stuff. He's like, okay, so he has to go undercover as an Asian woman to get a job at Pinky Cheeks.

[E]

Right?

[A]

To then screw up the wax on his hot blonde. Because once he screws that up, they go, we're gonna have to postpone this shoot. He just bought himself three months if he really screws that wax job up. Right, right. So, but first he has to show up as the Asian female waxer. And application, of course. Cause it's a Rob Schneider movie. They go, we've got your first client, Mitzuk, and it's a huge fat Armenian woman who's coming around the court. He's like, oh, no. You know. Right. All right, now go ahead. It's not all me, you guys.

[C]

I mean, that sounds real. Cause I've seen some Rob Schneider. This one's real. Or this one's.

[A]

This could be a Bob Schneider. The thing about the made up movies, it's gotta be potentially real.

[C]

I like the idea of him adding, like, what's what men put on their head to grow. Like he puts growth on.

[A]

Oh, right, he's having the. Yes, right.

[C]

To actually look at that. He puts it in on her to actually grow hair.

[B]

Right?

[A]

He's doing that. Now look.

This blonde bimbo is just a climber. She wants to get out to la. We know she's gonna dump Rob soon as she does that Playboy shoot and start dating some producer or something. Right? So at some point, Rob has to find love at Pinky Cheeks. There has to be.

[D]

Is there a romantic interest with one of the other Asian women?

[A]

Yeah, there's like a Cinderella type who's super pretty, but they make her sweep up all day and they yell at her in Chinese. She's like. And they're ordering her around and Rob's just looking at her, this beautiful young woman, but she's basically Cinderella. She's being abused by the other women and they find themselves sitting in the break room eating a sandwich at lunch. And she's lamenting that she can't find a good man. In la, there are all these actor, producer types, and Rob's, like, playing a woman but becoming very attracted to her at the same time, you know?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. And you could take the Cinderella analogy further. And he has to find the shoe, but they all have little feet. Binded shoes.

[A]

Yeah, Their feet are bound. They're too small.

[C]

I like that. And he tries to kiss her, maybe, but he's still a woman dressed as a woman. And she's like, I can't go there.

[A]

Yeah, it was that weird thing in movies where she's somehow attracted to him as well, but we don't know why, because she still thinks he's a woman, but with a. With women somehow. I don't know, It's a pheromone or something. You can tell she's liking him, but they're confused. She's confused about her feelings. Now. Now the heavy has to be like, do we have, like, a playboy photographer type or a Hugh Hefner type who's in there? Because there has to be.

He screws up his girlfriend's wax job he's bought himself.

There has to be a Mrs. Doubtfire type thing where she comes back to the hotel and he's still got the makeup on. He jumps into the shower and starts pretending. And she sees a wig on the floor, like an Asian hair wig. And it's like, what is going on? Are you dating somebody? And there has to be some conflict there.

[C]

And maybe she's into it, like, for the first time. She's like, I didn't know you had it in you.

[A]

The girlfriend. Yeah, well, the girlfriend and he have to part ways. Like, they have to. And then he. Once he and the girlfriend part ways, he has to tell the pinky cheeks place, this is my last day. And he sees that the love interest is upset that he's leaving now, and there has to be a. There's something I want to tell you kind of thing. You know, that thing. And then she gets upset and slaps him because there was love there for her slapping him.

[D]

Could it be that his love interest at the pinky cheeks, he, in an effort to show his love for this Cinderella woman that works there. He tries to start learning Mandarin. And then there's one of these weird, you know, mistranslation things where he tries to tell her his love, but he's saying all the wrong things and it's dirty comments and he offends her.

[A]

There's that.

[D]

It blows up in his face because he tried. He tried to learn language but messed it all up.

[A]

Yep. That's good. That's good. Like John Cena. That happened to him. Yeah, yeah. I mean, different movie, but yeah. All right. So.

He ends up being with her. He's got a. And she's gotta get out of Pinky cheeks, right? She wants to do something. She wants to dance.

She's got a dream, you know what I mean? She doesn't want to walk around like a pube zamboni her whole life, you.

[D]

Know what I mean?

[A]

She's got a dream. She wants to get out of there and out from her, you know? And she ends up with that. Who's that? Asian, Chinese dance troupe. I always see the billboards, like, around Shin. Yeah, she ends up with Shin. Right, right. And he's. And for the comic button. For the comic button, he goes, you know, so he. Rob Schneider knows somebody or gets her in, and she's an amazing dancer. And.

She'S out there dancing with Shin Young or Shin Lim or whatever that thing is, and we're all amazed or whatever. And then at some point, there's a spotlight and you see someone pushing someone, and you see Rob Schneider in the Asian outfit trying to do a dance, you know, like that. And the audience like, what? That's cut. Cut to credits there, right?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Cause, like, you have to go on. We don't have. You know, she broke her foot. You have to go on. Yeah, yeah, I like that.

[A]

All right, now, my next movie.

I call this one that's loosely based on Cocaine Bear.

Cocaine Barracuda. All the drug boats have been getting blown up, all the cocaine topical. That's right. It's right now. It's hot right now. Yeah, it's hot, right? Barracudas are killers, man. Barracudas will fuck you up. And now they're beaked up on all this Bolivian shale now, right?

So we got Cocaine Barracuda, this cocaine bear in the Sea. You know, you can't go wrong with that. And again, it's right there. I mean, there's a. Metric tons of coke are, like, spilling into the water. You know what I mean? There's. Barracudas are getting into this stuff, Okay?

[C]

I like it because I love the song Barracuda. So you already have a song by heart.

[A]

We'll clear it. We'll clear it. Yeah. Or we'll do a Sound alike or Feel Alike.

[C]

We can get one of them from heart to do one of the Wells.

[A]

Yeah, they're gettable. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Check that. Let's make sure. Or we do that weird thing they do in movies where they go, we can't clear Barracuda, but we have a feel alike. And they go, bum ba dum ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

And you're like, is that the same song? No, they're screwed up the last note, you know. All right, so it's called Cocaine Barracuda. And we got that song pumping at the theater right now. What's going on? Well, the Rock is a CIA guy, but he's deep cover and he's in Venezuela and he's trying to infiltrate the narco cartels in Venezuela. And when he gets dropped off, you know, with the zodiac boat outside, you know, to swim in like a SEAL team guy, his. His commander tells him, you're now gone. You do not have a Persona negarata. We're not going to vouch for you or say you're a U.S. citizen or come bail you out. You're deep cover. You're in. You don't exist anymore here. So he goes in deep cover and he. He infiltrates the narco terrorists, right? And at some point, all the guys on the boats are getting blown up, right? So nobody wants that detail. The guys run in the boats, right? No one can do it.

They kidnap his beautiful Venezuelan wife and they go, we're gonna take her out unless you run that boat.

Cause there's a scene earlier, because he's a Navy SEAL where he kind of knows how to handle the boat and the sea and all that stuff. And there's like some dumb drug guy falls over and starts drowning, and he jumps out there, pulls, and the kingpin guy sees that he understands the ways of the sea, right? So they kidnap his wife. Now he's in charge of the drug boat. And what's he gonna do? He's gotta run it. They got her, they're gonna kill her. So he takes off in the night. They hit with a drone missile, blow it up. He gets blown. Of course he survives. But we see all the cocaine coming down and we see the Barracudas going. By now it's just him and the sea and the barracudas out there. And then it's just. It's survival and the high seas with the barracudas at that point. Go ahead.

[B]

I got an idea. I got an idea. First of all, I think, to get butts in seats, we try to keep this PG13 and we get Dua Lipa to play the Venezuelan wife. And then here's the way we breathe. She doesn't have to do much. She's just got to look hot, get kidnapped.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And be tied up for most of the movie.

[A]

Most of the movie.

[B]

But then at the end, we find out that music is the key for cocaine fish.

[A]

All right, hold on.

[B]

And then she. We get her out on it.

[A]

I was with you for a while. I don't know about the music being the cocaine fish. Well, the barracuda.

[B]

Yeah, the cocaine barracuda.

[A]

I know. I don't know that, fish ears. But she.

[D]

She starts raving.

[B]

This guy, maybe he's also a scientist, dentist or whatever, and they find out that because these fish are on cocaine, all they want is.

Figure that out scientifically.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then it has to go horribly wrong. And then they figure out we need dua lipa to sing, and they get the Venezuelan wife out there.

[A]

But who's they figure out? Because right now. Right.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

We just have.

[B]

I'm just spitballing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, well, take a sip of coffee. Sure.

[C]

I want Helen Mirren in this.

[A]

Somehow she can be in it.

[C]

Okay. I think she's actually. Who's in charge of all of it. Like, she's actually the leader.

[A]

She does.

In the movie. In the movie. You could look it up in the Specialist. In the movie, the Specialist was Sylvester Stallone, a famous old white male actor. His last role. And you can look up. Andrew. I don't know what is a famous male white actor played the Cuban kingpin. So there's precedent there. You know, they put a little bronzer on her. She does an accent. Rod Sterling Steiger. Rod Steiger. Ster. Different rod. Rod Steiger, who is an old American white guy, played this Cuban guy with a bad accent. But there's.

[C]

I think that's for Helen Mirren to do.

[A]

So Helen Mirren plays. Okay, we're still not adding to the story, but we're rounding it out. We're rounding it out. All right.

He. With the cocaine barracudas, he's not gonna survive in the open seat, even though he's the rock with the cocaine barracudas. Right. So at some point.

[D]

Yeah, I feel like there's gotta be a scene where he's fighting them somehow in the water, and then at some point, they're about to overwhelm him, and maybe he gets pulled out of the water by some guy who's there, and it is actually just a fishing vessel.

[A]

I got it. I came up with it. Oh, okay. Yes. He obviously punches the barracudas. He fights the barracudas. Yes. Okay, like body slam. Barracuda slam. Yes, exactly. Right.

[D]

He does all that rock moves underwater.

[A]

Yeah, with cgi, you know, fine. They're all. And we see it through their lens. We see the barracuda, the beaked up barracuda. Coked up barracuda. I mean that's your greatest nightmare is a coked out barracuda when you're in the open sea, right? So then right when he's fighting, right about to get to bedroom, a boat comes out of nowhere, little, little dinghy like pulls him out. It's two.

14 year old Cuban twin boys who are trying to get to Florida from Cuba and are now lost in the open sea. And now it's the rock. Whoa. Where is Cuba? Where's Florida? Where's Venezuela? Like how far off? They gotta be pretty far off course. But he knows the sea. And they're were sent out alone to try to get to Florida from Cuba, but a storm blew in and blew them way off course. So now they have a couple provisions left, a little water, some crackers. It's the two of them. But then you got the rock, who is a Navy seal. So he understands sea. But also cocaine barracudas aren't going away either.

[C]

No, but do they eat the cocaine barracudas?

[A]

They'd be really hard pressed to capture a cocaine barracuda. But yeah, there's gonna be that. I mean, there's also. They've been blowing up these drug boats, right? So there's stuff kind of floating around, you know what I mean? Maybe there's some granola bars or something floating around. There's a body floating around. Very ominous. You know what I mean? That kind of thing. All right, let's see if we can figure this out as an ugly American.

All right? Cuba is. All right. Florida. Wait a minute. Florida's there. Okay, Cuba's there. Sorry. Not too far away in Venezuela. Okay, yeah, they got blown the wrong direction.

[D]

Yeah, they headed the wrong.

[A]

Totally feasible. Totally feasible. They're young kids. The current, the Gulf Stream, it blew them the wrong direction. And now. But, but, but the rock knows the sea. You know what I mean? Now.

We gotta check back with the wife. What's going on here? She thinks he's dead. She thinks that she sees on the news that his, his boat has been smoked by Pete Hegseth. Right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Double tap gone, right? So she just hangs her head and they just basically cut her loose. And you're no use to us anymore. Your husband's dead. Live with it. You know what I mean? These guys are so evil that in Spanish you hear them saying, once the boat gets blown up, they go, you want me to smoke her? And they go, let her live with the thought of a dead husband. That's more pain. They let her go. That's the rationale for letting her go. Right. So they. They let her go. And she's, like, watching the news, and they're like, they still haven't discovered a body. And she's, like, watching the tape on tv, and she's like, she knows.

[C]

She knows he's alive.

[A]

She knows he's a Navy seal. Like, if there's anybody that was gonna survive that double tap, it was gonna be him, right?

[D]

Now, does she have to befriend? She's reluctant. But she knows he's still out there. She believes that he is. She reluctantly befriends a group of drug dealers on a boat. Cause she wants to go out there with them to look for him. So she's like, I've gotta get out there. The only way is for her to ingratiate herself to this rogue group of drug dealers. And they're going out there. They think they're delivering drugs?

[A]

No, they send a recon unit out because they think there's some bales of coke still.

[D]

They're trying to recover the recovery team.

[A]

Trying to get that coke out of there. Of course, the barracudas are all there, too. At some point. The guy's got the gaffer's hook, and he's reaching out, trying to get the cocaine. You see a hole in the bottom of it and the cocaine spilling out underwater. You see the barracudas around. She sees the barracudas, and he's, like, reaching, and she just pushes him. And then the water just turns red. You know what I mean? Hi. Yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah. But one guy's still on the boat. And she had to pretend like she made a mistake. Like, she stopped trying to help him, hang on to him. And it must have slipped or something.

[D]

But the fish took him.

[A]

The fish took him.

[D]

He pulled back. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I'm excited for Dua Lipa. This is gonna be good for her.

[A]

This is really good. Yeah. Now there's gotta be. Let's do this. You gotta have the one stateside SEAL buddy who, like, understands that when he left, he left. He relinquished all his rights as American citizen, but he has access to info, to intel. You know what I mean? And they're like. They're in the war room, you know, and they're like, well, we did A double tap on the boat. Looks like we got the boat. But there was a heat signature swimming away. And he was swimming at, like, 15 miles an hour. I've never seen a drug fight. And he knows. He's like, that's him. He's alive, right? Because there's an opening scene where they're, like, training in Navy seals, you know, and everyone else just waits on him and is, like, struggling in the pool and Rock just leaving a wake behind him. And they're looking, and nobody can swim as fast as that guy.

[D]

You know, the coaches, they were gonna stop, watch. He goes, a new record. 15 miles per hour, right?

[A]

So they're sitting in the room, and you can see this guy's face and go. You know, so someone goes, one guy, One guy. The heat signature. He's swimming so fast. And then the colonel's like, yeah, well, good luck in the middle of the Caribbean. And they laugh and they go home. But we see this guy's face. Like, he knows that's his buddy in the water. Now he's stateside. He's in Florida. He's gotta go after him.

[D]

Does he go in a boat or does he take, like, a helicopter or, like, an air vehicle to kind of search for them?

[A]

Ah, all right, wait a minute. This is coming in from the booth. He's a drone technician friend who could never make it in the field. He could never make it as a Navy seal. But he's nerdy.

[D]

He's like brains. He's the brainy guy.

[A]

Yeah, he can get the drone. He can get the drone. Like, he's the tech Navy guy who. Who. Who is in charge of the drone. And the drone could pluck him up if he could free it up. Like, they're not going to just throw him the keys to the drone like he.

[B]

Rami Malek.

[A]

Rami Malek? Yeah, Rami Malek. That's. That's right. Rami Malek from Mr. Robot or whatever. And. Mm, okay, Rami is the nerd who can see that he's out there. Of course, at some point, you got the drug kingpins coming over, firing at the boat that capsized the boat. You got the barracudas coming at the rock and the kids out in the open ocean. But here comes the drone, right, Rob? It's like barracudas coming at him. Drug kingpins come in the other direction. All of a sudden, the rope drops down from the drone and snatches them. Snatch him up. And they're all. And the end is like the end of all the Fast and Furious movies where the wife's there, Rami's there, the kids are there. It's like a Modolo beer commercial. You know, Modelo. They're all hanging around.

[D]

Well, after they start pulling him up on the rope, can he realize that his wife is still down there? Then he has to save her. Cause isn't she still in the box?

[A]

Oh, right, right. Yeah, she's in the boat.

[D]

So now the brainy guy has saved the Roc, but then the rock has to go back and just heroically rescue his girlfriend as. Cause that boat still has cocaine in it.

[A]

Because those are the drug dealers.

[D]

And the barracudas are chomping at the boat.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

They're trying to sink the boat.

[A]

No, the barracuda grabs the bottom part of the rope and is making its.

[E]

Way up the rope.

[A]

And Rami from the headquarters with the remote.

It'S got a hellfire barracuda on it. And he. No, he goes, hey, why don't you chew on this? And he fires a sidewinder. And you just see barracudas just blown up, right?

[D]

And then cue the barracuda Sound alike music right there.

[E]

Right?

[A]

And there's one, like, alpha barracuda that's been so beaked up on blow, he's been, like, eating all the other barracudas, like, twice the size of and has twice the energy and stamina. Cause he's so beaked up, you know? And we show one of these bales of coke, like, sink to the bottom of the sea and just come to rest. And this barracuda keeps doing bumps, you know, like, keeps coming down, shoving a snout into the bale and coming back up out of the water.

[C]

He makes a good idea, too.

[A]

Draws a line. Underwater line.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know much about drugs, but that seems important, I think.

[A]

I don't know. Show me. Barracudas go about 6 foot.

They're in the ocean, but I don't know if they're everywhere in the ocean. Are barracudas everywhere? We'll have to figure that out.

[B]

I think they're everywhere.

[A]

No. Are they in the Caribbean?

[B]

I think they're just. What, the equator? I think they're only around there.

[A]

Only around the equator.

[F]

That's a good trivia to have.

[A]

What's that based on, Dawson?

[B]

That 90% of the world's animal population lives in that area.

[A]

All right, so no, okay, no, barracudas aren't everywhere, but they're very widespread in warm water. Well, this is tropical warm water and sub Tropical oceans globally living near reefs, sea grass and open water. Though absent from some areas, like the far eastern Pacific. Well, that's. We don't. We're fine. Right? And fresh water, they're common in the Atlantic, Caribbean, India, Pacific. Red. Okay, this is good.

[D]

The science tracks perfectly for this movie.

[A]

The whole thing pencils out like where Venezuela is. The storm that hits the Cuba kids.

[B]

Also, you got to think about the future of the ocean and what's going to happen with the cocaine that's left over. There's got to be a science element where they figure out how to deploy Narcan.

Throughout the entire thing. But this is a special kind of Narcan that the fish can't get high anymore. It ends it, it kills it. And they have no more desire to go get more coke and everybody's cool.

[C]

Well, does it end with that? We. We're seeing the alpha. Like that's for the part two. Like, is that kind of how the first one is?

[A]

Well, the alpha's gonna get blown up with the chew on this one in the first.

[C]

That's. The alpha gets blown up on that. Okay. Because I just didn't know how we're leaving them hanging. And that could be.

[A]

Oh, there'll be a part two. There's a sequel here. A bale of cocaine lands by a bunch of crabs. That's the sequel. Cocaine crab, cocaine crab. Right. And there's.

[D]

Is that the post credit scene?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, the post credit is a bunch of good looking white people on a beach in Nantucket going, the one good looking blonde girl. You've never been to a crab. Oh, you're gonna love it. And they drop it into the pot and you see it through the crab's eye, right? And it's boiling, the water's boiling. And the one crab just jumps out of the pot, grabs the guy's jugular, rips his larynx out and right to black cocaine crack.

[D]

I love it.

[A]

Come on now. Now look, I'm gonna make you guys producers, but you're only gonna get paid on the back end, so you're probably not gonna see any profit.

[D]

Fair enough.

[A]

I mean, on paper, fair enough on paper.

[C]

Right, right.

[A]

But you will be producers.

[D]

Sounds good, right?

[A]

Once we back out advertising and the rock salary and you will be saying like, you made $722 million. And I'm like, yeah, but the film ran a deficit.

[D]

We had to buy a lot of.

[A]

Cocaine for a lot of cocaine. Crabs fishermen don't come cheap. We had to have crab experts and barracuda experts. Not same person. So that's two different people.

All right, all right. Let's take a break.

See, we'll take a break. We'll be right back after this.

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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Foreign.

[E]

Adam from Delaware.

[D]

Here.

[A]

Two quick hitters. One, Bill de Blasio's real name is Warren Wilhelm Jr. So like many of these grifters, he goes by a pseudonym to melt into the people he's trying to manipulate. And two, I made chicken paprikas the other day, and it was delicious. Get it on.

[B]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[A]

I don't trust anyone who around with their name. It's a grifter. It's a grifter.

[D]

This is a weird thing to do. Yeah, it feels dishonest. As soon as you find out they're.

[A]

It's like, I want you to think of me a certain way. But, yeah, you're not. So I'm gonna try to do it this way. You know what I mean?

[D]

That was Beto o' Rourke's whole thing, right?

[A]

He made a game. And to be fair, I went by Cash Widecock for a while.

[D]

That was for professional reasons.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta distinguish yourself in this town. You know what I mean? But, you know, then I had the kids and I settled back into Ace. Yeah.

All right. I want to ask you guys about this story which is prevalent I've been hearing about. It's Ivy League students that are claiming they're disabled and they're getting perks. So here's what we've done to ourselves as a society. We have created something called a spectrum. And then once we created a spectrum, everybody's potentially within the spectrum for autism or Asperger's or whatever. We're all. It opened it up to every dingback chick I've ever spoken to going, you know what? Dr. Bruce says you're on the spectrum of Asperger's. And I'm like. I close my eyes when people talk because it helps me hear the information more clearly. But by the way, okay, I'm on the spectrum. But I'm also the most functional person, you know, so maybe not a bad thing, if that's what we're talking about. But anyway, you do the spectrum thing. And what the spectrum thing is, it opens things up. Meaning it's like. It's like you going, look, we have an Indian casino, and anybody who's 1/18 Iroquois qualifies to get checks back. All of a sudden, everyone's 118th Iroquois, right? Liz Warren is getting into fucking Harvard because she's claiming to be. So first off, assholes, you're gonna create all this stuff. If you are going to say, we have handicapped parking spaces all along the front of the Costco, that's fine. But if you go, all you have to do is tell your doctor that you have sciatica, and then he'll issue you, and then you go, okay. Then everyone's gonna do that, and everyone's gonna travel for free with their dog at the airport because it's a support dog, okay? So once you create will be exploited. So everyone's on the spectrum. And then at college, hey, it's two hours to take this final exam, but if you're on the spectrum, we'll give you another hour. Guess who's on the spectrum now, bitch? Everybody who wants another hour. I don't understand how. We don't understand how this is going to go. Do you know what I mean? Like, hey, Somalis, if you have a kid who's got a little bit of down syndrome, then we'll give an extra 900 bucks a month. Well, guess who's got a bunch of kids with down syndrome now? That's how human beings work. That's why none of these programs ever work. They immediately get exploited because they're. In theory, they're good. It's like. It's, like, in theory, there should be no money fed into a vending machine. You should just take what you want from the vending machine and then just leave a dollar on top of the vending machine. Can't do it. We won't. You don't know enough about humans. There should be. There should be judgment. Free zones in San Francisco where people can inject without prying eyes. And judgment. Yeah, now we got a bunch of fucking people shitting on themselves, dying in the street. Nothing works. So the second you put it out there, people find the loophole and they exploit it. And so it's like I want to say to all people, if they're horrible ideas, the idea is not a bad idea. It just will never work. And thus it becomes a bad idea. Where is that story, by the way? Oh, it's a news story. Okay, yeah, sorry. We have tapes. You guys can weigh in.

[G]

Tell me what you think as having a disability. The number of students who are registered as having a disability is skyrocketing at prestigious universities in the US that is according to an article from the Atlantic that's been getting a lot of traction online.

[H]

Now disabled students can receive a variety of special accommodations from their schools. Many of those accommodations are considered standard and are not controversial. But others, such as giving the students extra time to complete exams, have become a point of contention by those who believe they're being exploited. The article reads in part, quote, Professors now struggle to accommodate the many students with an official disability designation which may entitle them to extra time, a distraction, free environment, or the use of otherwise prohibited technology. At Brown and Harvard, more than 20% of undergraduates are.

[A]

I'm just going to use my phone to get all the answers because I'm semi retarded.

[H]

A disability.

[A]

Sorry, go back a little. Sorry.

[H]

The most common 38% of Stanford undergraduates are registered.

[A]

Go back another 10 seconds. So almost 40% of people who made it into Stanford have a disability mentally. We're not talking about a bad hip. These are 19 year olds.

[D]

Yeah, they have to qualify for the school in the first place.

[A]

I couldn't get into Stanford when I was 18. 38% of Stanford students registered. So it's super easy if you are white, but you write down I'm black and then you could get into Stanford. Well then write down you're black. That's what people do. Or I'll get hired to Apple Computers after I graduate from them. If I just put in I'm a minority.

Do we not understand human beings is what I'm saying.

The dumb shits on the left, you go these rich guys with their lawyers not paying their fair share. Yeah, they're doing everything they can do to pay as little of taxes as they can. You do understand that, right? Yes, we understand. Okay, now there's another side of that coin. There's your fucking constituency. Who's gonna game the system trying to get into Stanford and then get a better parking space and then get more time for the finals. But I'm sorry, we'll let the thing run here.

[H]

Disability designation which may entitle them to extra time, a distraction, free environment or the use of otherwise prohibited technology. At Brown and Harvard, more than 20% of undergraduates are registered as disabled. 38% of Stanford undergraduates are registered as having a disability. The most common and most. Oh, that's Siri.

[G]

The most common and most contentious accommodation is the granting of extra time on exams for students with learning disabilities. The extra time may be necessary to complete the test, but unlike a wheelchair ramp, this kind of accommodation can be exploited. And the article goes on to describe some of the more unusual accommodations, such as students with social anxiety getting exemptions from being called on by their professors to answer questions. And one administrator at a public college in California says a student there got permission to bring their mother to class. The Internet reacted strongly to the article, with many saying it shows how students are trying to gain an advantage by cheating the system. Journalist Derek Thompson, friend of mine, writes, America used to stigmatize disability too severely. Now elite institutions reward it too liberally. It simply does not make any sense to have a policy that declares half of the students at Stanford cognitively disabled and in need of accommodations.

[A]

Now, I've been on construction sites with plenty of retards, but this is Stanford.

[D]

Yeah, they say mostly learning disabilities. How do you. 40% of the people that get into Harvard, Brown and Stanford have learning disabilities. That doesn't make any sense at all.

[B]

Thing too is they stopped looking at SAT scores over the last couple of years. And so they've admitted a bunch of people who aren't qualified to be there. And they're going to use every opportunity they can to try to cheat and stay there. They don't belong there.

[C]

It's just hurting though. It really is hurting the people that really do need this and do need the time, you know what I mean? So that's what's sad.

[A]

First off, I don't even know what percentage of people really like when they make these proclamations. Like, they go, the government shutdown's gonna end the SNAP benefits tonight at midnight, millions of children will go hungry. First off, they're all fat. Secondly, first they're obese already. So they could live like a bear hibernating for weeks, number one. But okay, millions will go hungry. I'd like to. Where's the body count? So SNAP benefits were shut off for two weeks. Where's the bodies? All the emaciated 11 year olds who couldn't get food into their mouth. Where is it? Like, where are these people? All right, everyone's got a disability. And then you go, well, what about the people with a real disability? But, like, what real disability? Like, you're in Stanford. You know, you took the sats. You had a gpa. You were in extracurricular activities, a band or drama class or something. Who. Like, how long would you have to walk that campus? You could find people in wheelchairs, and you could find people who are missing a limb. But, like, how far would you have to walk that campus? How long would you have to walk that campus before you found somebody who legitimately went? Two hours is good for everybody to take this test, but I need three. Like, who is that person? Like, I would argue, like the fabled Hungry Child. I don't know where they are. Like. Like, you know, they do this shit all the time. They go, this guy's pulling up in ice, unmarked vans, snatching up people, snatching them off the streets, sending them to a gulag and Honduras. Where are they? Where are the people? Now you can go, I heard it happen to a dental assistant who was from Nicaragua, who was pending. Okay, okay, that's a story. That's a story, but we're talking mass. I want to know where is the masses of this happening? And the answer is, it isn't. And it doesn't fucking exist. And by the way, none of these kids existed 25 years ago. Like, peanut allergies. We forced a shit up their ass. And then they went, oh, yeah, I'm on the spectrum of something. And then they went, like, look, I don't really want to participate in PE because I don't want to fucking run laps out in the hot sun. So guess what? I got a note from my doctor saying I'm on the spectrum of being lame and I can't run. And so then I go, but here's what I want to say. College campuses, all these ideas are from you. You created these monsters. This is all on you. This is your system. This is what you fought for. This is what you perpetuated. And now the retarded chickens have come home to rest. Go ahead.

[D]

Well, I think it all comes back to what you said about them changing it into a spectrum. I think some of these conditions, they used to have, like, a rigorous standard for. This is an objective way to quantify this. When they make it a spectrum, what it reminds me of is, like, girls looking at a horoscope. It's like, oh, I'm such an Aquarius. I'm such a Taurus. And then you read it, and it's just vague things that could apply to anyone. It's like, oh, sometimes you keep more in your head than you say out loud, it's like, that's everybody.

[A]

You're a bit of a joke alcoholic, aren't you?

[D]

Or like, they say, like the social anxiety thing. It's like everybody, if you make it, you're just. Well, sometimes you're social anxious, or sometimes you're in your head more. And there's all these Facebook groups for like neurodivergent people and ADHD people. And there probably are people that legitimately suffer from that stuff. But when you make it a spectrum, it's like what we used to call 20 years ago, like, oh, that's the shy kid, or that's the spazzy kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Now it's all a diagnosis and it all becomes a disability. And then it's not only that they get benefits, but I feel like in the whole victim mentality culture, it even just validates people to feel like they have something they're just validated in like, oh, I really struggled because I have this condition.

[A]

Macy.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I think, I think about the. I wonder how hard it's good. I believe it. You know, it's good to be mindful of people who are struggling. But at what point do you need to, like, I think about the shy kid. If the shy kid doesn't have to answer in class, how is he gonna work on that?

[A]

Yeah, and also. Yeah, so the spectrum thing, which is new, is fucking up our society because we have like sexual assault. And sexual assault used to mean sexual assault. Now it's unwanted. Hand on the knee or whatever it is. And it's like, now you're gonna lump that guy and you're gonna lump Al Franken with Weinstein. You know what I mean? Well, sexual assault. Sexual assault. Like, you can't. No, no, don't do the spectrum thing. It's very dangerous. It paints with too broad a brush, for sure. And.

The fact that they don't think everyone will exploit everything is insane. Like the one thing you have, all right, everyone has baked in to their DNA and his children. Like, basically, if you want to know who everyone is, you just go, well, what does the average 8 year old do? And the average 8 year old is basically who we are at our core. And then we train ourselves not to do that. So the average 8 year old, they go, hey, Adam, good Adam, here's a, here's a cookie. And now it's your cookie. But we don't have enough for other bad Adam and. Or just Adam. Sorry, we'll just do good Adam and Adam. Because that would be a sneak and bad Macy, you know.

No, we don't. We just have you. But anyway, you then decide, you know what they get now. Eight year old goes, I'm eating the cookie and it's all mine and I'm doing it. Then at some point you go, I'll break off a smallish piece and give it to bad Adam and bad Macy over there. And then at some point, hopefully you get evolved into. I will break it into three pieces and I will let them pick the first two and then I will take the last. Okay, that's where we'd like to be, but. But we're not. And so an 8 year old.

When an 8 year old loses a running race or a little league game or whatever, they come home. What happened? Well, the answer is never. I didn't work hard enough, or the other guy's more gifted than I am, or I should have practiced harder or whatever that thing is. It's always something with the ref, something with the coach. Somebody didn't like them, or just maybe I hurt my foot earlier in the week and I couldn't run the way I wanted. It's always that. It's 100% that half the 45 year old adults I know give me some version of that, like all the time when I talk to them about something. You sound like a fucking 8 year old idiot. You sound like an 8 year old internalized. We don't want to do that. So if you give people the opportunity to go, why'd you get such a low test score? Or why? You know, we just go, why did you get fired from the job? Because I'm black? Because the guy's racist. It's easy. It's the easiest out in the world. Now. It's what an 8 year old would do. But a 48 year old will do it if you let him. And we created a society that opened the door to that.

I'm not gonna talk the entire show.

About some stuff because let me tell you something, people go, all Adam does is talk. You gotta let the guests talk. And I'm like, all right, I can, I will, but I can't. But, but I will talk if you don't talk. But you gotta talk at some point.

[D]

No, I do think I've experienced that with guys my age in their 40s that they'll blame if they get fired. It's. And it's a pattern with them. They'll get fired from multiple jobs and they'll always say, well, it was that boss was a jerk and that person wasn't there. And this one, I think maybe if that happens once you get be like, oh, I was treated unfairly, but there's a pattern of behavior. And then that just. That's how they just make an excuse for their own struggles in life. And that the fact that they're not bettering themselves like you said, even with the kids, it's like they're never improving. They're not helping themselves move forward.

[A]

No, I talk to six year old guys who sound like they're nine when they're giving you the reason why. X, Y or Z. I just talked to a guy about giving me. I got the wrong phone number to call in a radio station in Santa Barbara last week, and it was the wrong number. So then I called the guy, Mike, and I said, mike, you gave me the wrong number. And he said, I didn't give you the wrong number. I gave it to Daphne, your assistant, and she emailed you the thing, but she must have fucked up the number. I go, she just forwarded me whatever you sent her. Well, I didn't do it. I sent her the right one. I sent her an 805 number. I go, oh, all right. And I called Daphne. Daphne, you sent me the wrong number. I just sent you what Mike sent me. Yeah, well, what number's on it? Well, it's a 745 number. I go, that's on the email? Yeah, it's on the email. I go, all right, show me the email. Shows me the email. Send this to Adam. So then I call Mike. I go, mike, you sent her an email with the wrong number on it. He said, why would I do that? I said, well, because you're Mike and you fuck up all the time. That's why. And he goes, why would I do that? It's an 805 number. I go, I can show you the email. I forwarded the email to him with this 745 number on it. And he went, well, I didn't put that number there. I go, well, somebody. How'd it get there? Whose number is it? And he said, computer did it. That's what it. I said, the computer did it? Yeah. I go, those are just random numbers that the computer generated. And go, yep. I go, mike, I called the number and a guy in Reno picked up the phone. It's somebody's number. It's somebody's number you have, but you put it on there by mistake. No, I didn't. Why would I have done that? I said, so this is just the computer. This is the phone, and the computer just out to get you right? He goes, yep. I go, okay, well, then I said to Daphne, hey, Daphne, this will never happen again because. Oh, no, wait, it'll continue to happen because it has nothing to do with the computer's always done. Yes, well, we're at the mercy of the computer.

[C]

This is every conversation with my dad. You're me.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

Mike's my dad? Yeah.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's a dude thing.

[D]

Well.

[A]

Oh, no, no. Women do it a ton too.

[D]

What it reminds me of, I think one of the biggest problems in our. In our culture, like, everybody complains about the economy and how to improve the economy. I feel like a part of it is just everyone is finding ways to shirk responsibility and automation. Automation has improved that. Like, not improved, but it's exacerbated it. Because there's always either some technology you can blame or some other person. Like, it sounds like the conversations when I have to call, like, customer service. Like, I've been dealing with AT&T recently because my WI Fi at my house has been out for a month, and they keep saying it's gonna come back, and every time I call, it's for an update. It's, oh, that's a different department. You have to call back here. Oh, well, that person said you that that was wrong. Now you have to call your. Now you just wait on hold with this robot, and it's like, oh, we're not gonna charge you this month. They charged me for the month. And then you call back, and that's a different department. But everybody is always. They have their own limited set of information, and there's not communication between them, and they have no knowledge outside of their own area of expertise. And I think they're told to not take responsibility for anything else. It's meant to divide up accountability so no one person can ever be like, oh, that was my fault. I should have known that.

[A]

I'm gonna give everybody a piece of inside baseball information that they should know about me because I've talked to Dr. Drew about it. If I ever speak with wonderment, I know you fucked up. See, Dr. Drew talks to drug addicts all day, and when you speak to drug addicts, you have to speak with wonderment. So you go, we found a sack of heroin in your nightstand at rehab.

I didn't put it there. Oh, so how do you think it got there? I don't know. You think someone broke in and dropped off a sack of heroin in your nightstand? Maybe. Oh, okay. So you think somebody broke into the facility, didn't Steal anything or break any glass or anything. And then just dropped off the cocaine, huh? Yep, probably. Wow, that is incredible. I mean, the chance. If you hear wonderment, I'm like, so, Mike, this phone number, you never. The computer just changed it on you, right?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Man. We gotta get that computer fixed. I'll tell you what, he's gonna keep making random numbers. Like, if I speak with Wonderment, that means I'm not fucking listening. And I know you fucked up.

[D]

I wonder if that would work with. I'm going to try that next time I'm on customer service. I feel like they just transfer me away.

[A]

Try the wonderment.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I'll be like, huh.

[C]

It does feel so good, though, when somebody just says, I did that.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

It feels so good when somebody's just like, yeah, that was me.

[D]

My bad.

[A]

We need to. Yeah, yeah. The other subject I want to get into, I forgot. You know, we're such a weird society. I was behind someone on the freeway yesterday, and they're in a Tesla and I've seen the bumper stickers. You're like, I bought this before Elon. And it's like, I was like, oh, yeah. Ten minutes ago, there were middle aged white adults with Molotov cocktails storming the Tesla dealership at Glendale, throwing it at Tesla models. Environmentalist types, by the way, like, you guys.

Elon Musk got together a bunch of computer guys to see if we could prevent whatever the Somalis are doing in Minnesota in terms of bilking the tax dollars for a billion dollars. And you middle aged adults thought it'd be a great idea to attack dealerships and burn down Teslas, which we're gonna have trouble explaining that to future generations, but I was behind a Tesla and it said.

Don'T blame me. This is the Elon thing. I don't know. What did Elon do? I don't get it. He said, there's a bunch of fraud. It's just a bunch of money being wasted. California gave away a couple billion dollars to inmates during COVID inmates. So there is fraud. Can they look at it or is that. No, we're gonna have to burn something down, by the way. They don't care anymore. They're over. It's like, if you're super passionate about this, why aren't you still into it?

[D]

They just move from one outreach to the next. I feel like. And my favorite thing with their backlash against Elon and the way they started hating him is I see people now that they try to act like he's somehow Unintelligent or he's. He's like this bad person. It's like this guy created the most successful electric vehicle company we've ever had. He's catching rockets with prongs in midair. He's revolutionized AI. He's helping the government cut costs. And then they'll try to talk down on him and act like he's the problem with the country.

[A]

Sorry. A lot of this is chick think because you have these chicks, they have these dumb dingbats senator chicks. And I go, what does Elon Musk know? Nothing. Nothing. And it's like, oh, well, he knows some stuff. A little bit of stuff. Little bit, yeah. Little bit of stuff. But it said it. So the thing on the bumper sticker, it said, don't blame me. I just bought this for dog mode, which made me want to ram. It made me want to ram.

[D]

What is dog? I don't even know.

[A]

That means you're an American. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I'm.

[D]

I'm speak with wonderment about this.

[A]

What is the mode? Well, I don't own a Tesla, but I presumed it was some mode you could put it in that would keep the dog temperature cooled while you're in the Target, you know. But I called my producer just to make sure that this is what was going on. It sounded vaguely familiar. Also sounded very Tesla.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Right. Like Tesla would figure this out that you could leave your car in the parking lot of the Costco for up to an hour during summer. If you put it. You probably do it from your phone and whatever. Yes.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I've walked by a couple of dog modes because I've seen a dog in a Tesla and I look in and all the windows are rolled up and you're like, that can't be okay. And then you look and it says, it says on the screen like, don't worry, this car is in dog mode. It's temperature controlled. It's all the thing.

[A]

That guy. We gotta burn his dealerships down. I do love that.

[D]

Do they have different ages of children? Like baby mode, toddler mode, four year old. Just. You can leave them in there as long as you want.

[C]

And then you crank up the heat for the teenagers.

[A]

Expert husband mode. Ex husband mode. And there's fire shooting out of the vents.

[C]

I want that.

[D]

An environmentalist didn't light this on fire. It's in ex husband mode right now.

[A]

Keeps your car's climate control running to maintain a safe cabin temperature for pets. Yeah, there should be husband that doesn't wanna go into the mall.

[D]

Mode.

[A]

Where I'm just sitting back there with a beer between my legs.

Watching something on a headrest.

[C]

But it should say, don't bother me.

[A]

Yeah, don't bother me.

[C]

My wife's at the mall.

[A]

Mode. Yeah. It displays the message. Yeah. I mean, that's the enemy, everybody. That guy was the enemy for five and a half weeks. We needed to destroy that guy.

[D]

And the whole thing of putting a bumper sticker like that on your car. I pass Teslas all the time. I have no judgment towards the owner one way or the other. I don't know that person's life.

[A]

No, you don't. But then when they put you and your Christian comedy guy, when they put.

[D]

That bumper sticker on there, then it makes me hate them. Then I'm like, oh, that guy's a douchebag.

[A]

I don't think they really. I feel that same way. With multiple bracelets on a guy. Like, I know you're trying to score points, but I fucking hate you. I hate you. So how about that? You've not accomplished. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you can put on your Giants jersey and walk around town and you may get a tip of the cap from a Giants fan, but a Dodger fan may beat on you like, like, you know, you're. It's not a one way street, you know. Yes. Some people pass. You are going to appreciate it. Many who are driving Dodge Ram pickup trucks are going to think you're a huge douchebag.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And I feel that way with like anybody who gets. Any guy who gets an earring after the age of 45, I'm like, douche. And you may be signaling to the kids you're young and hip, but to me, I'm processing this in another way.

[C]

I kind of want that sticker and put it on my Volvo, though. I bought this Tesla for dog mode.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I want that on all cars.

[A]

I think you should put on your Volvo because I think people would go, oh, Volvo's now have a dog mode. That's pretty cool.

[C]

Did Tesla buy Volvo? Yeah. What happened?

[A]

Oh, we gotta.

[D]

And then you just have an rip with your dog's face on the other side.

[A]

Let's take it.

[B]

The Volvo.

[D]

It didn't work.

[A]

Show me the Volkswagen commercial. Where they need the. I bought this Volkswagen for sheep mode.

Oh, that's all Dawson needed. There's the greatest.

We went clinically insane in like the weird woke department a few years ago in this country. And Madison Avenue always jumps on it. You know, they got the. Every couple's a Mixed race. Every kid's mixed race. Every couple's either gay or mixed race. Like they just. Every time someone is sitting down at a restaurant, they have the black couple, the Asian couple, and the white. Like they just went nuts. Look at it. This course, like 2 years old. This is a VW commercial where a gay couple adopts a sheep.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Life gets bigger when you break from the hurt. The Volkswagen Tiguan.

[C]

Well, it worked on me. I'm buying it.

[D]

Who is the target audience for that?

[H]

Me.

[A]

That's fine. Are you.

[D]

Are you an interracial gay farming couple at heart?

[A]

What's the sheep power on that engine? 245 sheep pounds of torque. 240 horsepower. Sheep power horse.

[C]

That was a cute sheep, though.

[A]

It was a good looking sheep.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I love that. It was a mixed gay couple, but they had to kind of tamp it down a little. Like maybe your roommates. I don't know. You're a masculine.

[D]

You're a masculine gay couple.

[C]

You're not.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're. You're Pete Buttigieg.

[D]

One of them's a gynecologist.

[A]

That's right. You got the package I sent you in the mail. Fake family. Yeah.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Also.

Had to be weird for the actors, you know what I mean? Because they're probably not gay and they probably don't adopt sheep. They're on a spectrum.

[D]

They're like, I can play gay.

[A]

Like, I got a national spot. Oh, what is it for Budweiser.

[D]

Now, do those actors have to say that they were gay for pay now? Because there's nothing sexual. But they played gay in a paid commercial. Now, I.

[A]

I don't know. It's just a. The whole pitch of the commercial had to be. There's, you know, you do a commercial like this, there's a storyboard, and it's like, black guy, white guy, could be Middle Eastern. I like it. I like it. Gay. Yeah. Not open. You know, not giving themselves a hand job in our Volkswagen. But they're gay. Yeah. And then they're driving through the country and there's a herd of sheep, and they're going one direction. Followed. They're following the sheep. They're sheep, you know, but one breaks off independent, you know, the sheep would represent Jeep Cherokee drivers, Ford Explorer drivers, you know those guys. But we are breaking off. And so the gay couple adopts the sheep. I mean, you know, not legally, obviously, but he. But they. They pick up the sheep, they steal the sheep. You know what? No, they don't steal the sheep, but. Well, who owns the sheep? You know what, Marty? Fucking go out, get me a coffee right now. I'm in the middle of the pitch right here. The sheep is in the car, all right? They didn't steal. They're not sheep stealing gays, if that's what you're saying. But, but they. Somebody owns the sheep. I mean.

Okay, so, okay, if the client has a problem with sheep theft, then we'll dress it, Marty. Up until. Where's my coffee? Where's the coffee? Get the coffee. So then the sheep is in the Tiguan. And then we go back to their house.

They live together? Yeah, yeah, they're a gay couple. Are they in a condo or something? No, it's a traditional Ozzie and Harriet kind of ranch style, valley home.

Okay, so it's a young gay couple just living. Yes. And then the sheep hangs out with them. And then hijinks after that. You know, it's a montage of walking the sheep, sheep on the beach, giving the sheep a bath.

[D]

You know, the things you do with a sheep.

[C]

With a sheep.

[A]

Okay, hold on, Marty. Yeah, no, the. No, we don't show the car, really, in the ad. Why? Where's the coffee? Marty, shut up. It's about the sheep, you understand? Now we can clear that Mamas and the Papa song. Make your own kind of.

What's her name? Let's see. Mama Cass Elliot. Mama Cass Elliot. Hold on. Didn't she OD at a young. Marty, shut the fuck up. Shut up. Just let me get through this, would you, without bumming everyone out. Yeah, but it's a happy song that mama cast sung after she broke. No, she wasn't in the Mamas and the Pops at the time. She had a solo career. Let's not get sidetracked. It's that song with the sheep. I'm storyboarding it. Get those Germans in here and let me just wow them with this bit.

[D]

This turned into another made up movie.

[A]

I love it. Is that a 30 second spot? That commercial must have cost $4 million to produce. I want to see.

[D]

They're gonna have a follow up commercial now where it's them, like, challenging the rights for gay people to adopt sheep.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. The sheep's in court with them.

[D]

It loves them.

[A]

What ad. What ad agency you think was behind the sheep? All right, we gotta watch it one more. Martin.

Hold on a second.

[C]

God, it's a good look.

[A]

Marty chimes up again.

The sheep herding dog that's chasing the sheep. Yeah, he's black. Okay, Marty, stop. Well, I'm just Saying, can we Photoshop? I don't like the optics of a black creature chasing a bunch of white sheep. You know what I mean? I just don't. You know, after Ferguson. Okay, Marty. Okay, Marty. Jesus Christ. You know what? I was gonna make you partner in this firm, but no more. All right, so then we got a kite shot on rogue sheep. Here we go.

He stowed away.

[C]

Life gets bigger. I'm seeing it different this time. Yeah, yeah, I see that. The sheep just sort of appeared.

[A]

Yeah, he stowed away.

[C]

Yeah. And the first time I watched it, I definitely thought they stole the sheep. But now he snuck in.

[A]

No, he snuck in. You're right. Right. That covers the.

Sheep theft problem. The sheep theft problem is now covered. So, Marty, you cannot. Yeah, yeah. He made his way. Hold on. Marty. No, he didn't open the hat himself. We're not gonna show that part.

I don't know. He's in.

Theater of the Imagination. Marty, he's stowed away. Okay. Do we have to see the little paw open the.

[D]

And they don't. They're not immediately gonna go get this sheep out of our car.

[A]

They're just gonna adopt.

[D]

We'll put this on sheep mode.

[A]

We're stuck with sheep. Yeah, part of the family.

[C]

Put it in sheep mode.

[A]

Put it on sheep mode. All right, let me give you guys a plug before I bring in mayhem with the news. Macy, half sister, name of the dry bar. Go to dry bar and check it out. Right. It's not on YouTube.

[C]

Dry Bar. And type in Macy Isaacs, all caps, promo code, and you can watch it for free.

[A]

And, Adam, you got dates, right?

[D]

Yep. Yeah, I got some shows coming up.

[A]

Where do we go? Do we go to Adamyenser.com?

[D]

I got a Lake Tahoe, January 2nd to 4th. And then I got Loony bin in Little Rock, Arkansas, January 7th to 10th.

[A]

We'll take a break. We'll bring in Mayem with the news right after this.

Morgan and Morgan. Oh, man. Tom Brady's got all those rings. Seven of them for a reason. He's good. And that's where Morgan and Morgan comes in. They're good. They're America's largest injury law firm. Over 20 billion recovered from more than 500,000 clients. That's not a slogan. That's results. In one Florida case, the insurance offer, 350k, the client walked away with 12 million. They've been doing this for 35 years, fighting for the people. That's Morgan and Morgan. Morgan and Morgan. America's largest injury law firm for the people. Not for the powerful. Am I right, Dawson?

[B]

If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com Adam or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's f o r the people.com Adam or pound law pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement.

[A]

O'Reilly.

Auto Parts. Yeah, Riley Auto Parts. You know the jingle. These guys keep your car on the road so you don't end up stuck on the shoulder looking like a dope. Friendly, helpful service people who actually know their stuff, not just some kid who'd rather be on his phone. Now, these guys know their business and they're polite. They held the door for me. Last time I walked out, I had a handful of auto parts. So whether you're a gearhead or you don't know a lug nut is from a donut, they walk you right through it. No attitude, just real help. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or you can visit us online. Go to o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam. O o o'reilly auto parts.

[B]

In the spirit of Murrow, Jennings Cronkite, here's another great moment in local news.

[A]

Peaches Cookie Fingers, Peach's Cookie Finger down in the parking lot. Okay. What is that? My stripper name? Elf Christmas Elf.

Christmas Elf name.

[D]

Peaches Sticky Fingers Cookie Fingers.

[A]

Because Peach's Sticky Fingers is a better.

[H]

Stripper name than elf name is what I'm thinking.

[D]

Everything is fine.

[A]

That's a great moment in local news.

[B]

Now back to the Adam Carolla Show.

[A]

All right, Adam's hanging out. Bad Adam, that is. And just Adam. I'll be good Adam. No, I'll be great Adam Changes every time.

[E]

Yeah, but just can I be decent, hardworking Mayhem.

[A]

Hard Working Mayhem's got the news. What do you got? Hard.

[E]

First up, oh, man, I hope you strapped on your Cinnabon hat because a worker was fired from a Wisconsin store after shouting race this slurs at customers. Here's the slurs in question.

[A]

That's I am racist.

You are idiot. No, I'm not racist. And I'll say that to the whole entire world. Don't be disrespectful. You ruin your life, by the way. Oh, talking about.

[E]

You're talking about respect.

[A]

You're talking about respect. You are fired from this place. You're not going to be working here. Suck it. Suck what? Yeah, you look like what's wrong with you?

[D]

What the is wrong with you?

[A]

You ugly. Get the out, ugly.

[H]

Talking about ugliness, did I stand stutter?

[A]

You.

[E]

She stuttered that time. I love her. I love. She's at the bottom of the rung of the fast food spot. Cinnabon in the mall in Wisconsin. Abu Nanan, Wisconsin. And now she's fired.

[A]

Oh, she's in Wisconsin. Correct. Yeah. So getting fired from a bad job is fine. I used to work at McDonald's, you know, I quit after like three months. That's fine. But no one filmed me dropping n bombs on the way out, which could stay.

[D]

You made sure no one was filming first.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So you know. But on the other hand, she's attractive. She could just find a klansman and marry him and settle down and have some clan kitties or something.

[E]

Only clans model.

[A]

Only clans. I'm going to start a website for.

[E]

Racist, racist butt naked girls doing erotic things.

[A]

And now it just be, you know, are you attractive? Are you single, Are you racist? Only clans.

[E]

They already got that. It's called farmersonly.com.

[A]

Oh, yeah. But I like only clans.

[D]

Only clans is. That's much more clever.

[A]

You're welcome.

Yeah, she's. They started like a GoFundMe thing with her.

Here's the thing about people in racial slurs. All right, I like where you don't necessarily. People think it's a racist thing. Here's what people think. They go, oh, well, that means you're racist. And it's just inside of you and it got out.

But really what it is most of the time is when you agitate somebody, they will yell out the number one thing they see in you.

[E]

How mean can I get?

[D]

Once you're agitated, then that comes out.

[A]

Right. So I would argue to my black brothers and sisters that if you are morbidly obese and black and you agitate a skinny white woman at a Cinnabon, she will call you a fat ass before the N word. I think she'll do the. She'll go with fat first.

[E]

The Adam Carolla tier of slurs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a bald guy will get bald before black like you. Bald black bitch, fat son of a bitch.

[H]

Yeah.

[A]

If you had like a hair lift or fucked up teeth or something, you would get that first is what I'm thinking.

[E]

So busted ass grill.

[A]

Right? Right. So I don't. Now, these people were not overweight, evidently. I don't know who they were.

[D]

It's weird because it sounds like an Indian accent to me.

[A]

I think there were Somali in there.

[D]

Oh, Ethiopian. Oh, okay, Somali.

[A]

Somali, which rarely comes in husky. Everyone would go, oh, I had this super fat Somali inmates roommate, you know what, mate? And that never happens.

[E]

Yeah, this lady was definitely trolled for at least like six minutes before the video starts rolling. And then she just. Yeah, she broke down. She knows only one real insult.

[A]

She could stab at him and they got her fired.

[D]

Yeah, but that's where the video always starts. It never shows the buildup. There was something also in Portland or something this week where some guy was acquitted of stabbing. It was a black guy that was acquitted of stabbing a white guy because the white guy called him the N word. After the stabbing.

[A]

After the stabbing.

[D]

After he was stabbed, he called him the N word.

[A]

Also, I want to say this. You're not allowed to put your hands on people for whatever it is they say to you. Yeah, N word or not. A lot of dumb white people are like, well, I dropped the N bomb. So it's like, nah, you're still not allowed to stab people. Yeah, on the back of the black cards.

[E]

Get out of jail free with that N bomb disclaimer.

[A]

So I don't know what this face. She's got 90k in her gofundme whatever.

[D]

That's what I enter pay is better than Cinnabon.

[E]

Yeah, it's sort of like a racism GoFundMe contest because there's also GoFundMe for the people who got called in, Bob. Which, I mean, you can hit me.

[A]

With that all day for a check.

[D]

Now this is a win win situation for everyone, right?

[E]

I think that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Maybe they were in cahoots.

[E]

Listen, bud, I'm setting up the rematch, okay? I think this is gonna be a good one.

[A]

She's a Democratic party supporter. Shared a post on Facebook from April 24th showing the Biden Harris sign on the lawn said Women's choice ballot. So she's a progressive racist.

[E]

Also, it's not illegal to be a racist.

[A]

No.

[E]

Yeah, it's not illegal.

[A]

I'm walking free, am I not? Yeah, she would love a homosexual. Everyone is.

[E]

Elian Omar seems to be. Yeah, a little bit of racism is.

[A]

You know, the other thing about her. Well, first off, 90K, you gotta work a lot of Cinnabon to. To put 90k now at some point.

[E]

6 years of income, she just gets.

[A]

It overnight for going as far as the GoFundMe thing, there's a second part. At some point, they're going to hack into GoFundMe and they're going to find out that Some sheriff in Montana contributed to her fund, and then they're all going to go after him because they'll go after the ones who contributed to the whatever as well. There's precedent for it, Andrew. I don't know what it was. I think it was out of Utah. I think there was a cop who, like, contributed to a fund of another cop who got accused of racial whatever. Like, somebody contributed to someone, and they found it and they pushed him. They've shoved him out, too, which is insane, sane. But they are going to look into who gave this money. They'll find some white chick on a school board somewhere, run her down.

[E]

What do you mean? You're saying that there will be. Oh, you're saying that they will investigate who's funding this?

[D]

Giving money to the racist woman.

[A]

They will dox. They will find out. Really? Oh, they've already done it. Maybe it was for, like, Derek Chauvin's defense or something. No, it was even pretty innocuous. It wasn't that. It wasn't even.

[D]

It wasn't like, a high profile.

[A]

It wasn't even, like, someone's high profile. It was just like, you know, the fiddle player from the band who got thrown out for reading that book and then, like, sided with that guy and they got thrown out, like. Cause. But that's when we're in a woke frenzy, when we're just. We're sharks in a feeding frenzy where we'd start biting. You know, when sharks really get into a frenzy, they start biting other sharks and stuff. They, like, start going nuts. We went woke nuts with, like, getting people fired. Like, there's a professor at the whatever conference, and they were going down the elevator, and he's like, seventh floor women's lingerie. They got him fired.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

He's doing a Bugs Bunny cartoon gag, and they got him fired. Like, they went. They got. By the way, this is why I don't want any people in charge. I get so fucking drunk on power that they literally just eliminate. But I think we're getting back to.

[E]

A place where we can take a joke and everybody. Nobody's racist. And not everyone is racist and hateful towards other people.

[A]

No, we're getting back. We're gonna have fun. We're getting back to a place where sane people told these people to fuck off. That's what we got back to. All right. Good police officer. Yeah. Oh. Oh.

A cop contributed to Kyle Rittenhouse's fun. Kyle Rittenhouse, the guy who was chased by the pedophile and attempted to murder him. Tried to kill him with a skateboard. That guy and this guy, the police officer, including some who donated Kyle Rittenhouse Defense fund via platforms like GoFundMe, faced consequences. So.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, fired. Well, then he's just gonna have to sue for wrongful termination for this, you.

[E]

Know, because this seems like. Yeah. Overreach government.

[A]

By the way, Kyle Rittenhouse was another. Like, if there's a pantheon of shit the View was wrong about, go ahead and throw Kyle Rittenhouse onto that massive pile of shit you guys were wrong about. Like, if you ever get tired of being wrong.

[E]

What was their view?

[A]

I. I didn't catch. Oh, I hope you're sitting down.

[E]

I'm sitting down.

[A]

He was a racist who, like, stole his dad's gun and ran away.

He wanted to be a cop.

[E]

Yeah, he wanted to be a cop. You know, it's nuanced, that whole situation.

[A]

He was a lifeguard. He didn't. His dad didn't drive the first. They did. He knew no one who lived in Oshkosh, except for his dad lived in Oshkosh.

[D]

These are all.

[A]

This is all information that's discernible. You can find it out. So they start with the. He knew nobody in this place. And then it went to. His dad lived there, which is. I would argue, you know, the place squashes the argument of, you know, nobody in this place. Cause we had a friend from high school. That's good enough. But your dad lives there. Then it's like his mom drove him or something. But his mom was working a nursing shift. She didn't drive him there. And then it was like he went there to hunt black people. He had a friend who had, like, a car dealership who said, the cops have stood down and they're burning the city down. Will you come here and protect my car dealership? Yeah. And then was attacked by a guy who was basically a pedophile. And another guy with a long criminal.

[D]

Record tried to kill her, chasing him and attacking him. They made it sound like he murdered him.

[E]

It's much better that he pulls up like Call of Duty with his mom in the minivan. He jumps out, combat role and starts spraying. Guys, skateboarders.

[D]

And then, like, all those media stories and the View stories, after the facts do come out, they don't care because they've already invested themselves in the emotion. Like, they got worked up about it.

[A]

Shit.

[D]

And they'll never change anything.

[A]

Yeah. On creatine. That's what the View is. That's when you get 5 dunk. Dingbat chicks and put them all together, and no one ever questions them in reality. And gravity never come in.

[D]

And their outrage syncs up.

[A]

Their outrage syncs up. They literally go right to the next outrage that they're gonna be wrong about. And they never tap the brakes. Like Russian collusion. All things Covid. Everything Fauci. Oh, the lab leak versus the wet market.

[E]

So much.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Kyle Rittenhouse. It just keeps going. Brown. The gentle Giant. Hands up, don't shoot. They're just wrong about every single subject, and they don't care. Oh, the Border Patrol whipping Haitians.

[D]

Jussie Smollett.

[A]

We're all in a fight. None of it ever happens. And they never slow down. And no one ever says to him, look, you're like a guy who works at a sports book who's lost the last 17 Super Bowls.

[D]

If you flip the coin, you would be right more than they were right.

[A]

Why should we go to you like you're Jimmy the Greek? You've lost the last. You lose every Super Bowl. Why do you have a TV show called Lock it down, where I give you.

I bet against the spread, and you can lock it in. You don't get anything right. And by the way, that wouldn't happen if you put five dudes up there who were just wrong about everything all day. They would get. They would lose their eyes.

[E]

The Pantheon.

[A]

What else? Oh, man.

[E]

Next up, I want to get your take on this. Ben Stiller and a bunch of Hollywood come to Paul Dano's defense after Quentin Tarantino calls him the weakest male actor. We're talking about Paul Dano, of course, from There Will Be Blood and many other films. You know, kind of a weak face, man. And Quentin Tarantino just had some mean words said. He's the weakest male actor in the Screen Actors Guild. I don't know why he has a particular F you in particular. Paul Dano.

[A]

All right, let's break down the game film. All right, first off, Quentin doesn't have a leg to stand on because.

There are.

There are lots of opinions that people have, but they go, I don't like that guy. Or he's a Republican or Democrat or whatever. It's like politically, every Democrat is screaming bloody murder about Pete Hanks sinking my cocaine barracuda ships. Right? But when Biden smoked that family after the pullout of 10, not a peep. And when Obama was droning everybody in.

[D]

The Middle east, wedding parties.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Not a peep out of that. So pardon me if I think it's a little dubious, this outrage. Right? But if you don't have any information and you are outraged or you don't know what side is on and then it's legitimate. Right? And.

Andrew, Pulp Fiction. 94. Must have been 94. Must have been deeper 94, like September, October.

[B]

October.

[A]

Oh, you do know that?

[E]

I think so, yep.

[A]

Wow, look at you. Deeper 94. 10-14-94. Look at you. That was good. Yeah, that was a good kid. I loved that movie. All right, so I know where I was. I got to KROC in like April, early May. 94 radio station. And I was kicking around, working for free, basically just contributing, just trying to kind of get into the crew, ingratiate myself. And one day.

They said, you know, there's a new movie. They would screen movies for the morning shows. I mean, they would screen movies for podcasts and stuff too, right? They just go, we set up a private screening. You can go and watch it and you know, if you like it, talk about it on your radio show, you know, and so fine. Makes sense for them. And it used to be a little more corporate, like Sony Pictures has gone working with KRLQ radio and whatever, but it's fine. So I'm there kicking around with Kevin and Bean and Jimmy and the morning crew, and I'm not getting paid yet, but I'm just kind of hanging around and they're like, hey, we got a free screening down on Sunset Boulevard and the guy did Reservoir Dogs. I think no one knew. We didn't really know his name or what he looked like or anything, but it's like that. Remember that Reservoir? I go, yeah, it was a good movie. Well, he's got a cool movie. It's supposed to be really cool. It's got Bruce Willis and blah, blah, blah. All right, so, you know, you finish your show at 10 in the morning, you have your meeting or whatever. It's like it's a noon, you know, so we all just go into this little screening room. Not a theater, just like a miniature little Sony 12 seat right in the middle of Sunset Boulevard. And they go, Pulp Fiction. All right, we don't know anything about it. No commercials, no trailers, no nothing. It's a sneak. It's an early preview. And then we watch it and we all walk out of the place like, oh, wow, Wow. I hadn't seen it. This is 94. You know, it's like, wow, that was so cool with all the stories and the music and. And cool. Travolta, come on. He was just doing look who's talking or something. Or three guys and a baby or something. Like Travolta's back, you know, and whatever. And so me and Jimmy are driving back to the radio station and we're like, well, oh, man. And that story and B story and the gimp and everything. And then at some point I go, yeah, but that guy at the end who had the sheets and the house and stuff, that guy was horrible. He was so bad. Jimmy's like, yeah, that guy was bad. And I go.

Why in a movie populated with so many amazing actors, would the director choose a guy who was that bad?

[E]

Don't moon face jerk looking.

[A]

Now. This is not Paul Dano.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[A]

This is a separate story.

[E]

Oh, my bad.

[A]

About a non Paul Dano.

[E]

Paul Dano not in that one.

[A]

Paul Dana was seven and a half.

[E]

Paul Dano has the most punchable face in Hollywood. Hollywood.

[A]

He does. So I was like. And I was like, this guy gets Keitel and he gets Samuel Jackson. He's in this amazing performance, and then he hires this guy. Must be his cousin or something, because that guy sucked. And Jimmy's like, I know that guy wasn't any good. And then later on we found out it was Tarantino.

[E]

I disagree. I disagree.

[A]

Here's why.

[E]

Yes, he was on purpose abrasive. He was the Paul Dano of that movie. He was on purpose unlikable. You know why?

[A]

Well, unlikable doesn't mean bad actor.

[E]

No, but he. Man, he was stiff.

[A]

But Andrew's gotta take Jimmy Anderson.

[E]

It was the character of Jimmy was a guy that, bro, I need help. And he is not helping. Like, he's like, yeah, you want my help? But now you gotta deal with this jerk.

[A]

I. It's. It. It struck Jimmy and I on the way out of the theater. Really?

[E]

You guys didn't.

[A]

I. I felt really. I just told you what we just said. I'm shocked.

[E]

I heard you.

[I]

But mayhem. I. Yeah, I don't think the unlikability was the intention there. I think it was a lack of ability. I don't think he's a very good actor.

[E]

No, that's true.

[I]

But hold on, hold on. Let me finish. Because he was also really bad in Django. Noticeably bad. He's just not great. He also had a brief Broadway run for Wait until Dark that just got atrocious reviews.

[E]

He's just waiting for the right.

[D]

Hold on.

[I]

I haven't even made my point yet. Mayhem.

[A]

Good luck.

[I]

What I'm saying is this. Is that I lump in Tarantino with Kubrick and Spielberg as a Preeminent filmmaking artist who's probably on the spectrum. Going back to full circle with a disability conversation we had. I don't think he was trying to be mean with Paul Dano. I just think he's brutally honest. I also think if you look at his top 10 top 20 lists that he used to put out every year, they're insane. Yeah, like, he just has incredibly specific likes and dislikes. And if you ever watch Love on the Spectrum, it's just like all those guys who are just like, I hate this, I hate this.

[E]

Tarantino is the best actor of our time. There, I said it.

[A]

Homes.com. some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. And maybe homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or maybe it'[e-mail] is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. I think it's basically all the above. Homes dot com. Well, they go above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right homes dot com. That is homes dot com. We've done your homework.

The longer days are Pluto.

[D]

So is your feelings.

[A]

Pluto Stream Pluto TV Stream Pluto TV Stream Pluto TV for free. Stream blockbuster like 21 Jump Street, Ted, the Expendables, and so much more on Pluto TV Stream. Now pay.

[D]

Never.

[A]

All right, Dumb Adam, I feel like.

[D]

Your take is the most honest take because you and Jimmy didn't know it was him. I've never been. I don't think he's a good actor, but I always know. Like, I never went into a Quentin Tarantino movie and seen him without knowing, oh, that's Quentin Tarantino.

[A]

Your takes. There's a fairly famous comedian, comedic actor, stand up comedian. And Jimmy and I were at.

Caroline's in Manhattan years and years and years ago. And Jon Stewart, it was, you know, he's a friend. Jon Stewart invited us to come out. Or we were like, we're gonna go out and see Jon do stand up at Caroline's and then.

And then hang out a little afterward or whatever. So we were like kind of. Jimmy and I were both real new to the game. We're still in our radio years and stuff. And we went out and the guy opened for him, who turned out to be semi famous actor and comedian. I'll leave his name out. But when we were done with the Show. We were like. I go, jimmy, that guy who opened for John, he was fucking horrible. Who is that guy? And John goes, it's probably his cousin or something. He's probably related to him. And it's like, he's not. He's just horrible. Stand up. But the point is, is that's a fresh, unvarnished take when people are going, he must know him. He must have been a high school friend with him. Well, that means you were horrible. You're not a hater. We're not haters. We wanted to enjoy your feelings. Fifteen minutes. But we were confused because when someone blanks, you were just Tabla, Arasa, bring it on. So, okay, so I agree with Andrew and that he's a little on the spectrum. And like spectrum people, if someone is fat and goes to sit down, they'll go, anna, don't sit on that chair. You'll break it. And then you go, shh.

[I]

Don't.

[A]

What? What are you saying? She's got to break the chair because she's so fat, you know? And you're like, you're not supposed to. They're not angry and they're not even making fun of her. They think she's gonna break the chair. Right? And they can't stop themselves.

[E]

Buddy, you're hitting home right now. I'm sitting here in the room. You can just tell me to my face.

[A]

That's what I'm saying now. Paul Dano, autistic, also.

Sorry, Little Miss Sunshine, am I right? Was he?

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. He does deserve to be drummed out of the industry for that performance because they made the weirdest decision ever for Paul Dano in casting thing ever for Little Miss Sunshine. He.

Is supposed to be like a high school ROTC guy who wants to go to the Air Force Academy and be a fighter pilot. Yeah. Now I've seen Top Gun, I know what those guys look like. Paul Dano looks like he was being cast as the drummer in the Ramones biopic. He's got jet black hair, pencil thin arms. He's wearing a T shirt with Nietzsche on it or something. He's got bracelets and he's goth. Yeah, yeah. And he won't talk and he pouts and talks. Now those guys. Who's the actor that just got done playing running man? Glen Powell. Okay, you cast 19 year old Glen Powell like those dudes. That's what those guys look like when you watch Top Gun. You look around, they all look like 26 year old Tom Cruise or Glen Powell. Right. They don't look like A pouting nerd goth boy, right? He wants to be a fighter pilot. First off, he looks nothing like that guy. Secondly, he's taken a vow of silence. Which is a weird thing for a guy who speaks into a radio all day from the cockpit of a jet.

[E]

Makes sense of this, eh?

[A]

Swipe, we got bogeys, 10 o'. Clock.

[D]

It's a very inconsistent character.

[A]

Bogeys, 10 o'. Clock.

Are you there? You riding my wing or not? Quiet, man.

[E]

I'll give to them if I want, mom. After I listen to the Cure.

[A]

He won't talk.

[E]

I know.

[A]

He's got jet black hair and he looks totally goth and he looks like he's struggling with his sexuality. Why would you cast this guy as this guy? And there were no other wrinkles. It's not like.

Well, you know, he really likes the Cure, but he wants to be in the naval academy. It's like all he wants to be is a fighter pilot. That's what they want. That's all he wants to be.

[E]

I took it as they were just doing the trope of kind of like the loser kid that nobody likes, that he's just all to himself and he thinks he's gonna raise up out of poverty, out of this family.

[D]

And they could have given him different career degrees.

[E]

Listen, this is one of the best movies of all time. Come on.

[A]

It ruins society.

[E]

It ruined society.

[A]

It ruined us. It ruined us.

[E]

I thought it lambasted the sort of circuit of little kids.

[A]

It was the jump the shark moment. As a nation, why united Steve Carell.

[E]

Is that what's going on? A little rivalry? Old rivalry between Italian American Steve Carell.

[A]

Who did not want to people to see that he'd commit attempted suicide, who was the only person in the movie who wore a long sleeve shirt because it was Phoenix in the summertime still cuffed shirt so people could see the gauze around each one. You don't have to do that either. You have it's plausible deniability. If you just uncuff your long sleeves, you can.

[E]

Who spends a dollop of disbelief to enjoy a movie?

[A]

Yeah, maybe you're on the then when little 8 year old fatty dancer chick. First off, the hero of the movie was the inappropriately sexual swearing, sexually addicted, drug addicted Alan Arkin grandfather who'd been removed from multiple retirement homes for probably rape and drug abuse. He was the example that we should aspire to. The hardworking dad in Greg Kinnear that was trying to keep the whole fucking family together was the dope. He was the heel of the film for trying to do every time Greg Kinnear spoke, everyone at the table rolled their eyes. But he was just talking about hard work and success. Right? Yeah. Okay, act one. Olive, the eight year old is sitting. Alan Arkin won the Academy Awards. The world's. I know he's dead, but it should be taken from his family. Okay?

[E]

And Abigail Breslin did not.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[D]

She.

[A]

First off, all the other women, all the other girls, they spun the baton, they played the harp, they played the piano. She went up there and danced like a drunken whore. Super freaking. And yet everyone's clapping for her. Okay? So all the years of hard work and practice out the window for the one who's playing Beethoven on the harpsichord. Right? That's out. Because this little dumb bitch with her stupid, junky pedophile grandfather has taught her to shake her ass like a young Tijuana whore. Okay, that's a mistake. That's a problem there. But. But act one, she's sitting there, little Olive, and she says.

Uncle knob slobber, why do you have those things on your wrist? What happened? Why did you try to take your own life? And Kinnear, who's the heel, says at the dinner table to the eight year old and everyone at the table, I don't think that's an appropriate conversation for the dinner table. Why not? And everyone rolls their eyes. They all go, oh, you don't think she deserves the truth and everything else? And he's like, I just don't think it's inappropriate. She's 8 years old.

[D]

She's right here now.

[A]

She's in the fucking second grade. She's in the second grade. She doesn't need to hear about her favorite fucking uncle snuffing his life out while we're eating dinner in Phoenix. We don't. And they all roll their eyes and they all make fun of it, right? Okay, fine. The truth is, for all, 57 minutes later, they're sitting in a diner, they're ordering breakfast.

She's on her way to a bikini dance competition, she's already fucking fat. And she orders pancakes with ice cream for breakfast. Kinnear says, I don't think you should order that. It's not healthy. And the same people who said the truth is for all and the eight year old could handle the suicide attempt of her beloved uncle. I'll dive on him because now's not the time.

[E]

You turn me. What a piece of shit.

[A]

What a fucking piece of shit. What a piece of shit. And they fucking loved it. It was the Darling of the academy. Thought about it. Yeah, it fucking hacked. It's a hack piece of shit movie. Kinnear is the only decent person in that movie. He's the heel. The rest are either drug addicts or mutes or junkies or pedophiles.

Kinnear's wife, all she does is sit there and roll her eyes. The entire thing. Like, he's like, no, no. She smokes cigarettes when you have to have a good healthy diet and work hard. And they're like, oh, God. What? The truth, bitch. What happened to the suicide truth from act one? Fuck you. That's a piece of shit. I'll bet those shitty writers went on to nothing. Here's how you can tell. That movie is 15 years old now, maybe 20. I want to know. And by the way, they're the toast of the town. Oh, it's the greatest.

[E]

Ugh.

[A]

What? He wrote Toy Story 3. God damn it. The best movie.

[E]

The best Toy Story of all time.

[A]

That's the. Was it co written? Co directed? Yeah. Fuck that argument. Well, it takes a big man. It takes a big. Takes a great, even bad. Adam knows.

[D]

They don't admit when they're wrong on the View.

[A]

I'm gonna internalize. Yeah, all right. What movies?

[E]

I've looked at Michael Arndt.

[A]

Michael, yeah.

[I]

Written.

[A]

Hunger Games, ballad. Tony Star, straight. The guy's a genius.

[E]

He turned you then. You know what I mean? It's not, you know, indicative of the rest of his work.

[A]

Okay, all right.

[E]

Yeah, that one.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

There are a lot of plot holes.

[A]

In A Little Miss Sunshine, but it's the first woke movie. We started turning woke in the movie. I never thought about that. We moved woke.

[D]

I never thought about that. That was that movie.

[A]

Well, what year's in? It was 20 years old or 18. It's when we started Woke because the dad would have just been in charge and not the heel. Kinnear's character, white, heterosexual male. Common sense, tradition, common sense, hard work and exercise. Right. He was. And by the way, he was the patriarchy. That was the end of the patriarchy.

[E]

I thought that in that movie, like, he had lost his job, so now he was, you know what I mean, like, having a problem.

[A]

He was trying to motivate and he was a little bit sappy. Yeah. It's almost 20 years old. Toy Story 3 is one of Quentin Tarantino's favorite.

[E]

Batman, too.

[D]

It's like number two.

[A]

This whole argument has gone to shit.

[E]

I love Tarantino. God.

[A]

Hey.

[E]

Also in the news, Bill Maher and Anna Kasparian. Start brawling over Islam's effect on the Middle East. He's zinger good. I think that we have a clip.

[A]

Yeah, Bill's pretty pragmatic in the Islam department. He's the only. He's one of the few people on the left who is very pragmatic, like, the Middle east is a piece of shit because it's filled with Middle Eastern people and people gotta start figuring that shit out. Every place is as good as whoever lives in it. Apartment buildings are the same way. It's just a whole bunch of these people. It's not the building's fault. It's everyone who's living in the building. And then they go, but isn't there one good couple who's God fearing and 12B. And you're like, yeah, that's one, but that ain't the building. All right, let's hear what he has to or she has to say tomorrow.

[J]

Anna, you gotta go live in the Middle East. Where would you live? You can pick one city, any city you can, you know, as far away as, say, Pakistan. You could live in Karachi. You could live in Cairo. You could live in Amman, Jordan. You seem to love Lebanon. I mean, Beirut's nice when the bombing's not happening and the assassinations have stopped. Or you could live in Syria. I hear that's wonderful in the summer.

[F]

Well, we now have a Al Qaeda terrorist leading Syria.

[J]

Or the Houthis, I'm sure would make room for you. Tel Aviv or the West Bank. Ramallah. Ramallah, I think is wonderful for like a little. In the fall. It gets lovely. Where would you live? What city would you live in? How do you think you'd be comfortable in that dress?

[F]

I'm sure it would not be comfortable in this dress in any of the various Middle Eastern countries that have been destabilized by.

[J]

You're not really blaming it on white.

[F]

Listen, are you?

[J]

You're blaming Islam on whitey.

[F]

I'm not blaming Islam on whitey.

[J]

What you're saying we destabilize.

[A]

That's why you can't wear the paws on. You know who we destabilized the shit out of? Japan. We destabilized Japan to the tune of two atomic bombs. But half the people I know are driving a Toyota.

[D]

Yeah, and you look at the country.

[A]

Now, and it's pretty clean, pretty orderly. We destabil the shit out of Germany as well. We did a fair amount of destabilizing historically, but I drove an Audi here, and that was made by a German company. So I don't know that. The theory about us, you know, they always do this. Well, the CIA piped in guns. Okay. That doesn't mean you have to have honor killings.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Does it? Okay, I want to hear more, but go back 10 seconds because I do love the destabilized thing.

[J]

Wonderful. For like, a little in the fall. It gets lovely. Where would you live? What city would you live in? How do you think you'd be comfortable in that dress?

[F]

I'm sure it would not be comfortable in this dress in any of the various Middle Eastern countries that have been destabilized by.

[J]

You're not really blaming it on white.

[A]

Listen, are you?

[J]

You're blaming Islam on whitey.

[F]

I'm not blaming Islam on whitey.

[J]

But what you're saying we destabilize? That's why you can't wear that?

[F]

Did we not. Did we destabilize?

[J]

Wait a second.

[F]

We were funding terrorist organizations in Syria during the Syrian civil war starting under the Obama administration.

[J]

That's why.

[F]

Did that not destabilize Syria?

[A]

No.

[J]

What's destabilized?

[F]

There's a literal Al Qaeda.

[J]

We're talking about your dress.

[E]

Why?

[F]

It looks good. I know it looks good.

[J]

You're saying you can't wear that dress in Syria because of whitey destabilizing?

[F]

I didn't say that.

[J]

Okay, that's putting words in my mouth.

[A]

Okay, great.

[F]

But it did destabilize very nice countries. Are you going to deny that?

[J]

When I asked about the dress? And you went right to destabilize? So is that why you couldn't wear that dress? Why couldn't you wear that dress? Why couldn't you wear that?

[F]

You want me to talk about jihadism and Islam, but, like, why won't you listen?

[J]

Why won't you?

[F]

I mean, I won't.

[A]

Why?

[F]

I don't believe in jihadism, which is why I'm furious. It's not just that the United States just had significant Al Qaeda terrorists in.

[J]

The White House, but it's not just jihadism that is preventing you from wearing that dress. Are you saying every Muslim is a jihad? I don't think they are.

[H]

Okay.

[J]

Why can't you wear that dress?

[F]

Let's focus for a second.

[J]

No, you won't. You won't answer this question.

[E]

To never answer the question.

[A]

Apparently they can never do it. They're wrong. Sorry.

[E]

It's just a thing. Yeah, Completely different culture.

[A]

Not a fucking idiot. And she's the same who said I didn't want kids to eat lunch so she can right off they Always go.

[D]

To the most extreme. Crazy, like assumptions.

[A]

It's so weak. Anyway, listen, listen, all you weak sauce liars, you're fucked. You're fucked now. In the past, you didn't have to deal with a Bill Maher, and so you were fine. You could just hive yourself off with your other retarded yentas and lie. But you won't answer the question. He's just asking about the dress. What happened to the dress?

[H]

Cool.

[A]

You gotta say yes to the dress, Adam. All right, that's enough. I'm gonna give Adam a plug. You just go to www.badadam.com to find out.

[D]

I have to buy that?

[A]

Now I feel like you can go to. Where should we go to get your stuff for me? Adamyenser.com Adamyenser.com and what about you, Mayhem?

[E]

Mayhemnow.com Get a T shirt before I run out.

[A]

Have merry Christmas. All right, until next time, this is Adam for Adam and Macy and ma'. Am. Oh. Go to AdamCroll.com for all the live shows. Fort Lauderdale and. And Miami and Fort Lauderdale. It's all coming up this week. AdamCorella.com for that. Until next time, this is Adam saying mahalo.

[B]

Leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla at AdamCola.com.

[A]

Street with all the best.

The longer days are brutal.

Stream blockbuster hits like 21 Jump Street Ted the Expendables and so much more on Pluto TV stream now pay never.

Pluto TV is free with all the best movies the holidays are Pluto so if you're feeling frugal stream Pluto TV stream Pluto TV streaming Pluto TV for free stream blue blockbuster hits like 21 jump street Ted the expendables and so much more on Pluto TV stream now pay never.