Patrick Dempsey + Joe Rogan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – Episode Featuring Patrick Dempsey and Joe Rogan (Carolla Classics)

Release Date: January 31, 2025

Welcome to a special edition of The Adam Carolla Show, featuring the charismatic Patrick Dempsey and the ever-insightful Joe Rogan. This episode delves into an eclectic mix of topics ranging from celebrity relationships and personal anecdotes to critiques of societal norms and bureaucratic challenges in the entertainment and construction industries.

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1. Celebrity Relationships and Ethical Standards

The episode kicks off with a deep dive into the relationship dynamics of Hollywood's beloved Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. Teresa Strasser introduces a controversial topic regarding allegations of infidelity involving Jesse James and a tattoo-model exhibiting Nazi symbols.

• Notable Quote:

  Teresa Strasser (00:08): "But then the swastika, really, it's hard to explain away."

Adam Carolla and Teresa discuss the ethical implications of associating public figures with such controversial symbols, emphasizing that personal conduct should be judged independently of public personas.

2. Evolution of Professions and Societal Fetishes

The conversation shifts to how professions have diversified over the years, touching upon increasing societal acceptance of various occupations, including unconventional ones like tattoo modeling. The discussion also explores how specific fetishes, such as a Nazi aesthetic, impact public perception and personal relationships.

• Notable Quote:

  Adam Carolla (02:58): "So if guys beat off to chicks with tattoos on their foreheads, then that's a potential revenue stream there."

This segment underscores the intersection between personal preferences and economic opportunities in modern society.

3. Family Dynamics and Childhood Memories

Adam shares personal stories about family interactions and childhood projects, highlighting the often-unappreciated efforts parents make towards their children's creative endeavors. Teresa recounts her experience with art projects and the challenges of meeting high parental expectations.

• Notable Quote:

  Teresa Strasser (17:10): "So I come home with the box and she's like, wow, this is really impressive. You made the box. No, I didn't."

These anecdotes illuminate the common familial struggles between children's creativity and parental recognition.

4. Critique of Narcissism Tests and Psychological Assessments

A significant portion of the discussion critiques the validity and methodology of narcissism tests, specifically referencing Dr. Drew's assessments. The participants argue that such tests oversimplify complex human behaviors and motivations.

• Notable Quote:

  Adam Carolla (39:51): "I should have like Anne Frank in my basement right now, stacking those things, wiping her ass with those things."

The critique emphasizes the need for more nuanced psychological evaluations that account for individual differences.

5. Bureaucracy in Construction and Entertainment Industries

In a candid conversation with Roger L. Simon, the episode delves into the frustrations with bureaucratic red tape in Los Angeles, particularly within the construction sector. The discussion highlights how excessive regulations hinder creative and business ventures, drawing parallels to challenges faced in the entertainment industry.

• Notable Quote:

  Adam Carolla (108:03): "They're all earthquake country. It's nuts."

This segment reflects on the balance between necessary regulations and creative freedom, questioning the efficacy of current bureaucratic practices.

6. Independence in the Music and Entertainment World

The episode explores the shifting paradigms in the entertainment industry, with a focus on the band OK Go's transition to independent production. The conversation covers the benefits and challenges of operating outside traditional record labels, emphasizing creative control and direct fan engagement.

• Notable Quote:

  Giovanni (185:48): "What record labels really good for is essentially risk aggregation."

This insight highlights the evolving landscape of music distribution and the rise of independent artists leveraging digital platforms.

7. Celebrity Racing and Personal Interactions

Patrick Dempsey, Tony Hawk, and Zachary Levi share their exhilarating experiences at the Celebrity Grand Prix. The anecdotes reveal the competitive yet camaraderie-filled nature of celebrity racing events, providing listeners with behind-the-scenes glimpses into high-speed competitions.

• Notable Quote:

  Tony Hawk (215:08): "So, yeah, it's been pretty good. I mean, the racing community for me is such a great escape."

This segment underscores the therapeutic and bonding aspects of racing within the celebrity sphere.

8. Philosophical Reflections on Happiness and Responsibility

Towards the episode's end, Adam and guests engage in philosophical discussions about the pursuit of happiness, financial responsibility, and the consequences of one's actions. The dialogue encourages listeners to evaluate their motivations and the impact of their choices on personal fulfillment.

• Notable Quote:

  Adam Carolla (85:15): "When you're doing something, you have to ask yourself two questions. Does it make you happy? Does it make you money?"

This reflective conversation advocates for a balanced approach to life's endeavors, prioritizing both personal satisfaction and financial stability.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show masterfully intertwines personal stories, societal critiques, and entertaining anecdotes, offering listeners a comprehensive look into the lives of celebrities and the underlying structures of modern industries. Through candid conversations and insightful reflections, Carolla and his guests provide a thought-provoking narrative that resonates with a wide audience.

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For those interested in more engaging discussions and behind-the-scenes stories, stay tuned to The Adam Carolla Show for future episodes that continue to explore the intersections of fame, creativity, and personal growth.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a podcast where play the.

[Giovanni]

Best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a separate podcast feed titled Coral Classics with the ad free archives exclusively available through Adam Corolla substack. Check out AdamCarolla.substack.com to get access to the ad free archives for this show, the Adam Carolla show and the brand new show Beat it out, currently featuring Adam and Jay Moore. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcarolla.com now on to the clips.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming up first today we have Adam.

[Giovanni]

Corolla Show 283 featuring Teresa Strasser, Paul Bryant and Joe Rogan from 2010. It's a cameo from Joe, so don't waste the whole episode waiting for him. This is the episode where he showed up late and he had ended up doing an episode of the Parent Experiment.

[Adam Carolla]

Where he was lucky enough to do.

[Giovanni]

An episode which is one of the weirdest, rarest episodes of the show that precedes Crying Out Loud hosted by Teresa Strasser and Monet Carolla at the time. It's a very fun mostly no guest episode.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope you guys enjoy. Welcome back to the live streaming show. Teresa Strasser. Hi. We missed you last week. And of course Bald Brian is here. As per usual. Joe Rogan, one of my favorites, is going to be joining us in a couple of few. We'll do the news. Teresa's prepared herself the news and normally the way this works is I say we're gonna get to the news and we end up talking about personal shit and then we never really get to the news. No, it's good. But I do love the news. I do love you preparing those stories and reading those stories and us making comment.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, there is a really fascinating story this week, so let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Having to do with Sandra Bullock, America's sweetheart and now Oscar winning actress and Jesse James, to whom she's been married.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, I gotta get some plugs out. We got 18 seconds into the news.

[Teresa Strasser]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna be at the BREA IMPROV Wednesday, March 31st. That's about all you need to know. Tickets are going fast as per usual and if you're in the area, come see us do the show live. The BREA IMPROV Wednesday, March 31st. Sorry, Jesse James.

[Teresa Strasser]

So you probably heard that he was allegedly cheating with this tattoo model. Yeah, an occupation that I didn't Even know existed.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Teresa Strasser]

But now you can be a professional tattoo.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, basically there's been a lot of area. I mean, as far as far as like occupations, a lot have opened up since we talked to our high school guidance counselors back in the day. You know, because it used to be like, you know, if you're a guy, do you want to be a cop? A fireman?

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you want to be a bricklayer? Do you want to be a doctor? If you're a woman, do you want to be a nurse?

[Teresa Strasser]

Teacher.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you want to be a teacher? Social worker. Now anything anyone can beat off to becomes a potential profession.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So if guys beat off to chicks with tattoos on their foreheads, then that's a potential revenue stream there.

[Giovanni]

There's hope for young girls everywhere.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can play into a specific fetish, which by the way, Michelle McGee, this tattoo model has, and I did not realize, but apparently the Nazi thing is a fetish. So there are pictures that surfaced of her. At first I thought, well, she's just wearing kind of a World War II hat. How do I know that's a Nazi thing? But then the swastika, really, it's hard to explain away.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So she's into a. Like a Nazi fetish?

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, apparently she was modeling for a company and she was just angry. White Girl, I guess, is the name of the.

[Giovanni]

When I say tattoo model, you mean tattoo like models tattoos or a tattooed model? You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

She's a tattooed model.

[Giovanni]

I guess so. Because you can't model.

[Teresa Strasser]

She was on the COVID of Tattoo magazine. And that's her with the Marilyn Manson. Yeah, we'll post it on AdamCarolla.com. you've probably seen it. But she's got the swastika and. And the World War II hat. Now on her website, she wants you to.

[Adam Carolla]

You think those guys beat off to Schultz from Hogan's Heroes? How deep do you run when you're beating off the Nazis?

[Teresa Strasser]

I think that it stops.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And also, Jesus Christ. I mean, really, there's. There's such. There used to. Here would be the category woman.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That used to be it. And then that started branching off into black women, Asian women, busty women, big ass women, young women, old women. But that pyramid or that whatever. I guess it was like a sort of a jack off family tree.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Its roots are just spreading out in a million different directions now. Now there's bug smashers, you know, crapping into a cup.

[Giovanni]

She'd be on the bottom floor Barely woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's just. It's so insane. But I always like it, especially coming from women. When women find out a guy's cheating on a girl, they do. They do a couple of things. First off, they base. They base their disdain for the guy based on how much they like the girl.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like Angelina Jolie arguably was a homewrecker, but kind of like her because she adopts orphans.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? And if, you know, if. If you found out that Spidey from the Hills or whatever that fucking Spencer hateful couple was, if one of them was stepping out on the other, it'd be like, tough shit that you get from marrying an asshole. Yeah, right. Zero sympathy, right? But Sandra Bullock, a mar. America's sweetheart. So that's number one. That's strike number one, right? And then number two, we base on. We base it on who he's fucking too. Like, oh, look at her with her tattoos and her and her Nazi hell or Prussian helmet on and all that shit. Like, you go, like, first off, just cheating should be cheating, right? No matter who you are, if you're fucking someone out of wedlock, out of your own marriage, then you're cheating. I don't. I don't like, really the part we have to factor in whether the person has tattoos or done porn or you'd want to fuck her or whatever it is. And it's funny when guys find out. Like when the guy who was on ESPN was banging his intern and she was unattractive, guys were like, disappointed and angry at that. We weren't angry that the wife and dedicated mother was fucked over, betrayed by this guy. It was more like, oh, look at this chick. Jesus, not even worth it.

[Giovanni]

We don't like when the guy trades down. Like when Jude Law goes after Sienna Miller.

[Adam Carolla]

Not only that, but it'd be like breaking into a liquor store and stealing Mexican candy. Like, what? For that? At least go for the cash register. There's a whole cat register over here.

[Giovanni]

Go to John Walker Balloon, for God's sake.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna do time if you get caught. Why are you going with the crazy cactus candy?

[Giovanni]

Go for the absinthe behind the counter.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, Michelle McGee, the tattoo girl, wants you to know, according to her website, that it's a no Nazi and that what she was doing, taking Nazi pinup photos, that was just a job. She works with many photographers.

[Adam Carolla]

She was Poland in the 40s where they needed her. Can you imagine no Nazis on different.

[Teresa Strasser]

Kind of tattoo going around then? Michelle has shot with many photographers with different concepts and ideas. In this case, hired as a professional model, she fell victim to a photographer's stupid idea. And then. Thanks a lot, douchebag. This is from her webmaster, so she wants you to know she was just doing a modeling job. Now that's interesting, because at what point during the shoot do you say, you know what? I don't. I don't know if I really, like, remember Coco in the movie Fame, which I know you guys have seen, right? Like, it's feeding off to that, right? But you still managed.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I had to. There were boobies. 1982.

[Teresa Strasser]

There was a mandate then. Yeah, but I mean, do you think.

[Adam Carolla]

When she was having Nazi porn, you know the rules.

[Teresa Strasser]

When she was putting on the hat, she was probably like, okay, it's a hat. But do you think when she started with the swastika, she thought maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

I know my retarded defense of the retarded is going to sound retarded. But I will say this. I have been on shoots and doing promos and things like that in the past. I wouldn't do it now. Where they go like, hey, hold up this giant phone and pretend to be yelling at it while Dr. Drew holds his ears. And you go, God damn, does that sound lame? And they're like, oh, my God, try it. It'll be good. Maybe it'll be funny. And you go, you know, that sounds so gay. It's really not.

[Teresa Strasser]

Then I don't want to be an asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they go. They go. Then they do this. You know what? Let's just do it. We're not going to use it. We just want to have it. We're just going to have it because, you know, we rented this giant wooden phone and we have it here. And you know what? And the guys who are paying for it really want it. And, like, I kind of got to tell them I got it. You know, I don't want to tell them. Like, when they go, what happened?

[Teresa Strasser]

They'll never know we didn't use it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So let's just get it. Say we have it. So there is a lot of. Just. Just bend over, spread your cheeks, and let's put a corn cob in your ass. We're not gonna use it. We're not gonna use it. Drew, you pretend to be listening to the other end of the corn. You know, you pretend to be smoking the corn cob. It's gonna be funny. We're not gonna use it.

[Teresa Strasser]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

And you just kind of go, like, especially somewhere at the end of a nine hour day where you go. You just go, look, this is lame. You get tired of, like, arguing and you go, fuck it. Give me the giant fucking phone. Let's just fucking do this.

[Teresa Strasser]

Why did all comedians, like, sort of in the late 90s, their headshot. We'll ask Joe Rogan if he had. But their headshot had to express that they were funny. So they'd be like, here I am with a gas nozzle in my ear.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because I've got fuel. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

There were always something at a right angle, too.

[Giovanni]

Has to be a bleak angle coming above or below.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. Like maybe a tin.

[Adam Carolla]

Blame Steve Martin with the arrow. But. But the point is this. The swastika thing, obviously crossing the line. But you're not dealing with a brilliant mind here.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, now, here's a. So let's just say it was just a modeling job, and she sort of was like, all right, I'll put on the swastika. Let's get out of here. She allegedly has WP tattooed on her leg. White Power. Now, what if it's not for White Power?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is there anything else?

[Adam Carolla]

Wilson Pickett, huge fan. He's a huge picket fan. Winnie the Pooh sitting by the dock of the bay. Oh, wait a minute. Slam. A thousand dances. Oh, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, people are into Winnie.

[Adam Carolla]

Mustang Sally. Mustang Sally there. Huge Wilson Pickett fan.

[Teresa Strasser]

People are in a Winnie the Pooh, like the Dow of Pooh.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the same crowd that's in the Pooh that's in the picket. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

There's a lot of crossover Pooh pickets.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute.

[Giovanni]

Hugh Christie has a Winnie the Pooh tattoo.

[Adam Carolla]

She does.

[Giovanni]

I think she's a white supremacist.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you?

[Teresa Strasser]

Is it actually of Winnie?

[Giovanni]

No, it's a piglet. She ain't family.

[Adam Carolla]

And a sword wing.

[Teresa Strasser]

Why didn't she get Winnie?

[Patrick Dempsey]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone's got Winnie. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So she wanted to be different.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like with my tattoo of Barney.

[Giovanni]

She thought Winnie was getting too much pub tattoo.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone's got Fred, Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Somebody's got a.

[Adam Carolla]

But who has kazoo?

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, so now this gets deeper. All right, so now she's done some Nazi fascist modeling, and she possibly had an affair with Jesse James. And I guess she's got White Power possibly tattooed on her. Now she's got a kid or Winnie the Pooh. And I guess her ex and the father of the child is a Jew. So one of her kids might possibly be.

[Adam Carolla]

But I bet it's like Evan Seinfeld kind of Jew.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Or whatever his name is, who was like Tera, Patrick's ex husband or whatever. Like they're crazy. They're crazy skinheady, you know, tattoo sleeved. I'm gonna go against everything that my parents wanted me to do. Jew. There's Asians that way too. You don't find too many Jews that go that. I'm going to go the furthest from Jews I possibly can. I'm going to sleeve myself and get a hood piercing and do a bunch of shit like that. But every once in a while, maybe she was married to that Jew.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, that Jew, they're having a custody battle and he claims that there are coffins in the living room and child block magnets on the refrigerator that spell out white power. Her other son Elijah is Jewish. And she thinks it's funny that she.

[Adam Carolla]

The Mexican maid could have done that with the fridge. You don't know.

[Giovanni]

Let's be honest.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I guess. Also, she's got a son, Avery. And she uses that, according to this ex as her stage name for stripping.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a son's name?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, Avery. Sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Inappropriate. But it's a nice tip of the thong back to your son. It's nice. And you know, I was thinking about the magnetic refrigerator thing.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this one of these things where you know you've arrived when your fridge will not accept magnets because it means you have a stainless steel like sub zero.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But it also means you have to tape all your kids shitty drawings to the fucking fridge and it gets that residue and all that shit on there.

[Giovanni]

It's the best size in those existence.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody's gonna have to make a rich guy magnet that works on stainless steel appliances so we can have our kids finger paintings, you know, prominently displayed. And by the way, who decided the refrigerator was gonna be the gallery for the house? You know what I mean? It gets in the way. It's a pain in the ass. It's not appetizing.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm not doing that ever. Does that make me a bad mom?

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, there's a lot of stuff I'm.

[Teresa Strasser]

Gonna strip under the name Buster, though.

[Adam Carolla]

You say there's a lot of stuff you're not gonna do and it just ends up kind of being done and.

[Teresa Strasser]

You just really weren't gonna. No pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

We were talking about, you know, Nazis a few minutes ago. It's like, how did this stuff ever work? Well, there's a bunch of evil people and then a bunch of other people that just sort of sat by silently and let it happen. That's what happened with me and the finger paintings on the fridge?

[Patrick Dempsey]

I should have.

[Teresa Strasser]

You compared yourself to the people who the trains passing and did not. Right.

[Giovanni]

There's a slippage slope, Teresa.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes, it's the banality of evil. The people who allowed it to happen weren't really the evil ones, but the people who did nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, right. I should have like Anne Frank in my basement right now, stacking those things, wiping her ass with those things. But no, I did nothing.

[Teresa Strasser]

You sat by.

[Adam Carolla]

I sat by idly and watched this tragedy, this genocide of my sub zero take place. Yeah. Again, I'm not proud of it. It just happened. And I was not. I didn't have enough character to rip that shit off the fridge.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, you need a refrigerator Schindler to come in there and save the sub zero from the scotch tape.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Schindler makes escalators and elevators as far as I can tell. So if Schindler would come out with a dual side by side fridge, you know, with the freezer on the left and the one you know, like that 60, 40 split.

[Giovanni]

You gotta tell them for your sins.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that would hold a magnet. That would be awesome because you have to tape everything up.

[Teresa Strasser]

God, that probably is going to happen because when it's your child's piece of crappy art, it probably seems good.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're so proud of everything they do, you know, like when they color. But you can clearly tell the ones that were where the adult got in and sort of helped, you know, because it looks a little too good because, you know, Cinderella or whoever looks a little Ariel or whoever looks a little too good. But then I can't stop myself because I have to do the. Oh, that's awesome. Did Olga help you with this? Like I can't just go, that's awesome. Yeah, Well, I want to know if the kid's a genius or just a liar.

[Teresa Strasser]

I got mildly scarred because there was arts and crafts camp in San Francisco where I grew up and it was free.

[Giovanni]

What must that have been like?

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh God. It was at the friggin. It was the park and rec department. So it's basically parents who cannot afford any daycare and they live near a park. It was like arts and crafts camp and it was a long day, so I remember going to the camp.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny that they call it park and rec because it's where you park your kids to wreck them, essentially. Like those who don't want to take care of their own kids, park their kids over this place with a softball diamond and then let a Bunch of adults wreck.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you know how much bad shit happened at that same park? Because about maybe five years later, when I was 13, I had a boyfriend who was 16, and he hung out at the park. But this was just arts and crafts, so maybe I was 8. And I remember it was that they were teaching us how to enamel. So that's the process of. You take these shards of what would be glass, and you bake it and you put different colors and it bakes onto metal, and I guess that's enameling. But we were just little kids and it was a park and wreck. And so you could pick your shape. Right. Your shape of metal, and then you.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you put it into a kiln or something.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, you bake it, but you actually pick the colors of glass that you put on it and you arrange it and then you could do something with your piece of metal. So I had a butterfly. And then I thought I'd put this on a box. This story's going to get very, very sad very quickly. So I'm going to. And, sorry, it's getting long. But so I baked my little butterfly and I put the colors on it. And then I thought, you know, I'm going to glue it to this box, a little wooden box, and make my mom a little jewelry box with a butterfly. But my mom's standards, quality standards for art from her kids were quite high.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

And she didn't. She's missing the chip where you just like it because it's your kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or at least pretend to, like, right up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Completely, completely, completely missing that chip. So I come home with the box and she's like, wow, this is really impressive. You made the box. No, I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, I didn't make it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, but you cut out the butterfly. No, I just put the name. What did you do? And then it was like a hilarious joke that she told. It was like in her top 20.

[Adam Carolla]

Hilarious stories, just about how little you had to do with this final product.

[Giovanni]

It's fun to repeat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

They only met mom because she's so. Because she's missing that chip, God bless her. And then she, like, threw it in the drawer with the old scarves. And I remember after about 100 times.

[Adam Carolla]

Of hearing it, she didn't put it up on top of the dress.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

My mom would have had the dignity to put her weed in there.

[Teresa Strasser]

That would have at least been used.

[Adam Carolla]

Turned into her stash. Hey, I can keep my welfare high. Praise stubs in here. And my. Well, first stuff's in the pocket and my weed in here.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, no, this was this like. Yes, this was the wreck part. Because I remember, like when I first started getting some therapy, I thought, oh, this is the thing where you have the discussion, the I discussion about how I feel. And so I remember sitting down saying, mom, I know you think it's funny, but I would really appreciate if you could stop telling that story because it was actually pretty hurtful and shaming and I wish. Oh, sorry. And then a month later forgets and just works it back in to the rotation.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I had an uncomfortable conversation with my stepfather, who rarely speaks, I'd say almost never speaks. But the only uncomfortable conversation I ever had with him, probably the only conversation I ever had with him is one time when we were in the Santa Monica Bay. And when I was young, you know, 10 years old, we used to swim out, like past the breakers and all that kind of stuff. But they would get this sort of horrible riptides and currents and stuff out there. And one time, one hit, and we were all just basically every man for himself. Like my stepdad was trying to get to shore against this horrible riptide, and so was I, but I was, you know, 30, 40ft behind him, fighting to get to shore, and 10 and so was he. And, you know, I made it safely and he made it safely. And as a 10 year old, I thought it was a sort of hilarious story about, you know, John was out front trapped behind the thing and John was frantically paddling or whatever. So we're about the only conversation we've ever had is he sort of pulled me aside and said, hey, maybe you could stop telling that one. So I didn't seem like the guy who's gonna let you drown.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wow. How old were you when he pulled me aside?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was probably pretty close to the time that it happened. Yeah. Cause I was like, oh, man, we got back from the beach today. Oh boy. The huge riptide. I was out there fighting with John had rode away then. So he was in her. But I was like, I was trapped back there and I guess. And John, you know, he didn't turn back around and like go back out. He's going back in the whole time.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, that does not paint him in a good light at all. No wonder he nicked it in the butt.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's how fucked up my family was at the time. I just thought it was, you know, business as usual.

[Teresa Strasser]

Why would you want to rescue me?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I did the math. My dad, my mom wouldn't do shit, so this guy wasn't even blood, so I'm surprised he didn't come out and club me with a piece of driftwood and then go back in or just.

[Teresa Strasser]

Use you, like, just to sort of get.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually push off of me.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that'd have been smart.

[Teresa Strasser]

So, Michelle McGee, now the new York Post, is reporting that Sandra Bullock is looking to dump Jesse James, and she's looking around at some divorce lawyers. So she's 45. I think that's one reason women love her, because she's in a romantic comedy. I feel good about it because she's older than I am.

[Adam Carolla]

She's also. I mean, first off, I think she has $85 million is really what her estate is worth. He is worth a lot more than people know. Yes. When I did the Toyota Grand Prix with that guy in 03, sort of kind of the beginning of his garage stuff and all that stuff, or at least in the middle of it or height of it, he was driving around Ferraris and whatnot. He's made himself a ton of money through, like, merchandising and deals that. The kind of deals that you don't really factor in when you're trying to factor in what the person's worth.

[Giovanni]

A licensed product here or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. How many of those west coast chopper whatever. You know, all that stuff you've seen. And it's kind of like the Orange county chopper guys. It's like tons of T shirts and hats and videos and whatever else is involved with the business, but a lot. That guy's made a lot of money.

[Teresa Strasser]

He was really good on Celebrity Apprentice. I don't know if you watched that season when he didn't win.

[Adam Carolla]

I think came in, like, third. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

He was obviously, you know, savvy. Yeah. And I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he said he's like. I remember back, way back in the day, like, almost 15 years ago, seeing one of these, like, you know, one of the TV shows, you know, one of those, like, History Channel things or whatever. And there's a whole profile on him. Jesse James, outlaw chopper build. And he had another girlfriend at the time. And he was just talking about how he built choppers and all stuff, but it was just like. Just one guy. Like, he never heard of him. Wasn't. It was long before any of the monster garage stuff started coming around and all that kind of stuff. So he's been at it for a long time. He definitely has a ton of street savvy. He's definitely a clever guy, like, with his hands and he's artistic and so on, so on and so forth. Look, here's the deal. He's got plenty of money. She's got plenty of money. They didn't have a kid between them. They had her daughter from Janine Mullin.

[Teresa Strasser]

Dyken, whatever name, right?

[Adam Carolla]

They had. They had that kid. So, okay, now he's off on his own. He's rich. He can fuck anyone with a tattoo. And he's, you know, Jeanine can have visitation of her kid. And, you know, I don't know, I mean, maybe, maybe there's something wrong with me, but I just feel like once there are no kids involved and once. Here's how I feel sorry for people. I feel. Here's who I feel sorry for. I feel sorry for the people that have kids and ugliness involved. I also feel sorry for those, like, elderly couples have been together for 65 years and then their soulmate dies and they spend the last 11 years just sort of alone, you know, staring at the ceiling. But Sandra Bullock is beautiful. She's rich, she's an entrepreneur. She'll have her pick of the litter. He'll have his pick of the littered litter and the tattooed white trash, the trash litter. And everyone can just go on and do what they want. I mean, it's sort of the way I kind of felt with Aniston and Pitt. And again, this might just make me sound heartless, but I was like, she's rich and beautiful. He's rich and beautiful.

[Teresa Strasser]

There's no kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Let them both just go do whatever the fuck they want. I understand. They're human beings and they're upset and that's over in eight months. And then they're, you know, fucking John Mayer. It is kind of as far as Jennifer Aniston.

[Teresa Strasser]

It is kind of sad when you see pictures of Sandra Bullock holding Sunny, his little girl. And I guess she was probably a mother figure to the child.

[Adam Carolla]

Sand just got done doing. They just got done, like, doing the whole custody thing. And she'd written a letter to the judge and ink had barely dried on the swastika tattoo that they got for young Sonny. And it's really, really sad. Yeah, Sandra's. I just saw her backstage at the Tonight Show a couple months ago and she was really, really friendly.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is she as pretty in person as you'd think?

[Adam Carolla]

She looks exactly how she looks and was really, like, self deprecating and really friendly.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you think maybe if she'd taken more of an interest in Wilson Pickett that she could have made it work with Jesse James?

[Adam Carolla]

She could have.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because they would have had more in common.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

If she was down with Funky, funky Broadway.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, now there's. Oh, God, I can't handle. We just said we're looking at the picture of Sandra Bullock and the little girl Sunny. And she's such a gorgeous little girl.

[Giovanni]

Their head is the same size.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, also she should be, because Linda. Linda Mueller is a beautiful woman. I mean, definitely one of the best looking women to get into porn now. Drugs and tattoos and all that kind of shit ended up turning them into sort of porn clowns.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is what's going on now in a lot of porn. With a lot of crazy eyebrows and.

[Teresa Strasser]

Tats, it's hard to find, like a Tara Patrick that still kind of looks normal.

[Adam Carolla]

If you saw a picture of her from her, you know, early 20s or something like that, you go like, that's just natural rack.

[Teresa Strasser]

Just really good looking, one color hair at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. I mean, I don't know what happens, all the tattoos, but I'm telling you, find a picture of Linda Mueller from when she was, you know, 22 and it's like, holy shit, she was great looking. So little. No, no doubt little Sunny's gonna be a heartbreaker after part of the Grand Prix.

[Giovanni]

Are you this year? So your name popping up and all that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

How's that going? Keanu Reeves is in it, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Me and Keanu were doing some hot laps at Willow. Spy agent.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Directed by Kathryn Bigelow.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Oscar winning director, Kathryn Bigelow.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I said it on the podcast yesterday. Was it in at Willow Springs? The entire weekend, me and Keanu just kind of squared up one on one, just doing hot laps. Me cutting him off, not letting him pass, me pissing him off. Drive me off the track. Drove him off the track. Just literally up his ass for eight laps. I mean, you don't know what I mean. You're going 90 miles an hour. There's a person nine inches behind you, weaving around. He's driving like a maniac and having the time of our lives. At least I was. And because when we got out of the car, it was funny. I said, hey, man, that was a blast. That was a rush out there, right? And he said, yeah, we did it for like 10 laps. And I said, no, come on, that was awesome. And he's like, well, you wouldn't let me pass you. I know it was awesome. And he said, it was awesome for two laps, but then it got kind of shitty.

[Giovanni]

There's someone else who's kind of a high profile. Name right in the grand. They're all famous, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's a lot of guys. Christian Slater and Adrian Brody and a bunch of guys like that. But we just got done kicking the shit out of each other in Lancaster at Willow Springs for like nine hours. And then I got home and Point Break was on.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wow, that's a perfect day.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, did I watch me some Point Break. Yeah. And then I realized, watching the beginning of Point Break, Kathryn Bigelow did it. And then I. And I also realized as I was watching, as easy as it is to sort of make fun of that movie, lots of great action sequences, not a bad story at all. Sure, couple little moments of over the top dialogue, but other than that, a very watchable, fun action movie.

[Giovanni]

It sounds silly, but if you in your mind replace Swayze and Keanu with, say, I don't know, it sounds absurd.

[Adam Carolla]

Matt Damon.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, well, yeah, somewhat more credible actors. That's a.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a bad flair.

[Teresa Strasser]

Someone. Aaron Eckhart or somebody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And though when you watch it, Swayze's perfect for that role. Like Swayze skydiving and surfing and looks like a surfer and he's got a little of that Swayze going, but it's like, good for the role. And Keanu's my new best friend. What can I say? Bad about him. Good time with him.

[Teresa Strasser]

Let me just button this Sandra Bullock story. I don't know why I find it interesting to hear people speak in a foreign language, but you may or may not know that Sandra Bullock is. Her mother was German. So now it's just a little weird because the.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the white power tat.

[Teresa Strasser]

The white power tat is not necessarily. I don't see just how to. German descent, but I think Sandra Bullock can speak German fairly well. So here is Sandra Bullock. It's a rare clip of her accepting an award in Germany. And from what I understand, according to people who posted on YouTube, she's actually speaking German incredibly well.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

And has like a, you know, good accent. And here she's.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see if I can translate.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, let me. Yeah, I want to know what you think she's saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Teresa Strasser]

I just would die.

[Adam Carolla]

In 1938 when Wilson Pickett won the 100. I should say the cheddar's. She's defending the Jeddah. And applause breaks because she said. And she said that when she was 11, she started her first. She's getting sad now because she's thinking about the camps being liberated.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, that was a sad day for her.

[Adam Carolla]

Sad day for her Mother. She wasn't born yet. Her mother was very upset, but she tells her story. She's naming all the guards at the camp.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, she loved. They were like aunties.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, they're family names. And she sank to them in her memory.

[Teresa Strasser]

And then she goose steps off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She won a golden deer. Yeah. I don't know if that was an envelope.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, it was the Bambi awards in Germany. So there was a German.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Does she speak some German?

[Teresa Strasser]

Wow. Wasn't that impressive?

[Adam Carolla]

And yet totally impressive.

[Teresa Strasser]

No matter who you are, when you're speaking German, you just scare me a little.

[Adam Carolla]

A little bit. Little bit, yeah. Yeah. It's like when you're Italian, you sound angry. It sounds like you're arguing when you're talking. Yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

You could be giving a talk about world peace, but you'd still be a little Mussolini sounding.

[Adam Carolla]

How I know. Sandra Bullock's a much better person than I am. She's 45. I've been watching her make movies for 20 years. The first I heard about. Yeah. Sandra Bullock's dad is a German rocket scientist from World War II also.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is it Right. An astrophysicist.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. There you go. I first I heard about her speaking German, whereas I ride the unicycle and weave it into every conversation I have. I was just riding the unicycle. All right, sir, could we. Could we just get your order? It is a drive, Right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Right, Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, hold on. You want to supersize those fries? Like when I stepped up from a 22 inch rim to a 32 inch rim on my unicycle.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. I just need to put your arm out so I could take some blood. I know, but what you need to know before you draw this blood is I write a maybe that'll change what kind of needle you use.

[Giovanni]

How about I made it clear that I'm proficient in unicycle?

[Adam Carolla]

There's one thing I can do that other people can't do is write a unicycle that says woven into every conversation I have. So I can't fucking imagine the idea of. If I spoke fluent German, I would break. I would bust it out every 15 minutes.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's how I feel about singing. If I had any talent at singing, I would just find any excuse to sing.

[Giovanni]

I like when someone has a skill on the down low they don't reveal for several years. Like the German thing, you know what I mean? Oh, and by the way, I speak fluent German. Here it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Boom. Yeah, that's pretty impressive.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, well, she will not be showing up. According to E. She will not be showing up at the German premiere of Blindside because things. Not in Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's tough, but like you said, I think she'll land on her.

[Adam Carolla]

They were. They were showing that on the plane when I was flying home. New York. Yeah. But it was at. I got up at 5. I got picked up at 5am I had a couple glasses of red wine. So I don't remember. That was the marriage riff about it. I did. The marriage riff was good. It was me, Trump and Gloria Stefan.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh. I thought the rhythm was going to get her.

[Adam Carolla]

It evidently did not.

[Teresa Strasser]

She scouted. She narrowly escaped.

[Adam Carolla]

It didn't. It didn't get her a sense of humor either. Oh, no. She was actually, like, good for somebody who's a singer. Someone's a singer. And Trump was funny because Trump, like, leaned over to me in a commercial break, and he said, it's funny because I walked into the places, and people are like, did you talk to Trump? And I was like, no, I didn't see Trump. And then the guy said, yeah, I saw Trump. He told me that the Apprentice got like a 7, 8 with a 5 share or whatever. And then I saw Trump backstage, you know, and he's like, hey, Adam. Hey. Good to see you. You know, the Apprentice got a. Got a thrift. Five seven with a seven share. And I was like, all right. And then during the commercial break for this, he, like, leaned over to me and said, ours is going to be the highest rated actress. You wait and see. I was, like, thinking, really? Based on.

[Teresa Strasser]

I kind of like that about him, though. I wish I had.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said it many times. Everyone is so secretly attracted to that.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, my.

[Adam Carolla]

They love it.

[Teresa Strasser]

I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so much more attractive than. Who? Me?

[Teresa Strasser]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Gosh. Oh, no. Little old me.

[Giovanni]

I want Trump. Come with me to my doctor's appointment. Tell me everything's gonna be okay.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah, Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Please don't worry.

[Giovanni]

You're all good, man.

[Teresa Strasser]

His tumor's gonna be gone.

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It'd be something like. The guy would come back, the radiologist or the oncologist or whatever, and he'd be like, well, the tumor's still there. And Trump would reach into his pocket and he'd pull out that billfold. You know, the one with the clip. Just the clip of the bills, and he'd lick his thumb and he'd peel off a couple hundreds ago. How's that as a tumor doing now? I guess it's getting a little smaller. Hold on. Just keep peeling off hundreds. Now's it going. Can't find it. Cannot find it on the PET scan anymore, Mr. Trump. Thank you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, wow. Oh, speaking of the marriage, ref, I was talking to your wife, and she. We were doing our little show, the parent experiment, and I was. Had no idea that where you were. They. I knew you were out of town, but I had no idea what you were doing. And it was, you know, I don't know. I was talking about the marriage rap and how I couldn't watch it because I had tested for it originally. The host was gonna have a funny sidekick who was gonna do field pieces and ask people out in the field, like, what do you think of sleeping in different beds? Whatever. But then they changed course, and they ended up hiring just somebody who's like a straight news person. But I test. I went out and did a screen test maybe two days before I had the baby. So I was hugely pregnant. And in my mind, I was like, this is gonna be my next job. I'm gonna be on NBC. I'm gonna work for Jerry Seinfeld. This is happening. And then I. Then I didn't get the job, and I was telling the story, and then Lynette Cassord had to then, at that moment, say, adam's in New York right now doing the marriage. It would have been awkward. Ow. Sad. But, you know, at least almost getting a job makes me feel almost relevant.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you would have been good on the show and if you definitely almost had. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

The guy Tom Popeye met, he was a super nice, funny guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice guy. Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was easy, and I was funny, and I don't know when it airs. April, sometime, maybe.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, Trump knows, because it's gonna be the highest rated episode.

[Adam Carolla]

This is my. This is why, again, I. It's why I always argue with Drew. How big a narcissist can I be? Because I get back from New York and people go, what'd you do? And I go, I did the marriage raft. And they go, when's it air? And I go, fuck. I have no idea. So if I was a real narcissist when I asked when it would air, or maybe I'm so much of a narcissist that I don't even exist.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is that how it works?

[Adam Carolla]

I think there's a level of narcissism you can get to where no one exists, including yourself.

[Giovanni]

You transcended it all. You're like, no one exists. My world.

[Adam Carolla]

Even me. Even me.

[Giovanni]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a kind of old. There's a narcissism of, I'm great, and this is gonna be the highest rated marriage ref ever. And then that's a trump type narcissism. And then I think, ironically, I've trumped his narcissism by transcending narcissism as a concept and not even existing as a human being.

[Teresa Strasser]

I wish Dr. Drew was here, because this is obviously his thing. I mean, maybe if you could actually attain that level, you could overcome the Robin Quivers bar. Because didn't she test as the most narcissistic in his narcissism test?

[Adam Carolla]

I think she did. At least out of that group, I may have beat her, according to Drew.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Although, like I said, when you take that test, you realize it's nonsense. Those types of tests and all that kind of stuff in our society, it's sort of like seeing the Batmobile in person. See a bunch of plywood and duct tape and sheet metal screws, and you kind of go, oh, that's it. Not that much here. And this stuff seems all scientific and cool and Dr. Drew and blah, blah, blah. And then you take the test and you go, wait a minute, there's nothing here. I mean, literally, someone get hold of it. But I mean, the test would be like, you must answer. You must answer yes to one of these two questions. When you go to the party, when you go to a party, do you think you're the best looking person at the party or the smartest person at a party?

[Teresa Strasser]

And you're like, choose one of the other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you're like, I don't think I'm the best looking or the smartest. Right. You have to answer to one.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they scientifically figure out if you're an asshole based on that.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wouldn't we all choose smartest over best looking at the party?

[Adam Carolla]

It depends. I don't.

[Teresa Strasser]

I would never assume I was looking.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, again, that's just an example. It's probably not even on the thing. But there was a lot of questions that were of that nature.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. They force you into something that you don't really agree with the statement, but you agree with it more than it's opposite.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Do you? Right. You can't say neither. None of the above. And then, anyway, you guys check it out. I don't know if it's online or whatever.

[Teresa Strasser]

Speaking of Drew, are you watching Sober House?

[Adam Carolla]

I have been. Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

So Carrie Anne's been kicked out again. Yeah. Oh, samples from Dr. Drew's test.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, There you go. Why don't you read that?

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay. I have a natural talent for influencing people. I guess. You agree or disagree?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Teresa Strasser]

Or I am not good at influencing people. One or the other. I have a natural talent for influencing people. Or I am not good at influencing people. If you had to choose. Oh, come on. I mean, you, obviously, that's. It would be ridiculous of you to think you had no ability to influence people, being that what you do for a living.

[Giovanni]

I'll play devil's advocate. Adam's been complaining with the same stuff for 10 years. If he influenced people, who would have stopped complaining about the same things eight years ago?

[Adam Carolla]

And let me tell you something, by the way, devastating and heartbreaking while in New York doing the marriage ref. As I mentioned on a previous podcast, it's something I always wanted to say, which is, had lunch with my editor, right? And went to a nice trattoria, Italian kind of place, ordered the iced tea. And what type of iced tea showed up? Passion fruit. Of course, she preferred it because it tastes better. Along with my age, there's a simple.

[Teresa Strasser]

Reason that it's more tasty, because I.

[Adam Carolla]

Was in the room. But I thought, we've officially jumped the shark in the iced tea. Now, if New Yorkers are accepting this boiled potpourri, it is all over the day. I go to a deli in New York and find passion fruit iced teas a day. I'm moving to Canada. But either way, that I was devastated by that. All right, so question number two. A, modesty doesn't become me. B, I am essentially a modest person. Now, what is that? How would you kind of translate that?

[Teresa Strasser]

Modesty is a strange syntax. It's almost like nobody would buy it if I acted humble. It doesn't become me. It doesn't like. That's like saying, these slacks don't run me.

[Adam Carolla]

So now I would have said I'm essentially a modest person. That would have definitely circled that. That box. And I, as far as good at influencing people, I feel like I'm. I can make a good argument or I'm not good at influencing people. I feel like, well, no, I can make a good argument, but I don't feel like I get people to change. God knows I don't get them to change.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't either.

[Adam Carolla]

And find a few other sample questions from that. But you can. Those aren't good. Those aren't good examples of the kind of questions I was talking about, which just gave you sort of an A or B. And they're both almost the same.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you think everyone views themselves as essentially a modesty person? I mean, who doesn't?

[Adam Carolla]

I guess. And then people have different definitions of modesty involved. The way you dress, you know?

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Giovanni]

Remember back on the radio show when I briefly mentioned it, there was a. There's a testing take online where it's not a test, it's a survey where you send it out anonymously to your best friends. And they were, sorry, it's not your best friends. They know it's you. It's a list of like 50 descriptive words that are all negative. They're all negative qualities.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, this was going around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

And your friends anonymously fill it out. They select your five worst qualities, send it back to you, and you don't know who filled it out. But by that way, you can see how your friends honestly do your faults. You know what I'm saying? Your friends know you best, but they'll never tell you, oh, you're this or you're that. So my point, basically this question is.

[Adam Carolla]

Mine came back at the time.

[Giovanni]

This is like 2005 or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Halitosis.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

500 times. There's a couple of chromatosis.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, you got like arrogant.

[Giovanni]

I got smug and self assured.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Self assured is bad in a bad context.

[Giovanni]

These are all could be taken.

[Teresa Strasser]

Smug is rough.

[Giovanni]

My point is, I feel like I've gotten less smug and self assured since say, 2004. 2005. Believe me, if you knew me back then, you wouldn't like me. But I took the test to heart. I said this is how my best friends feel about me and I should focus on improving these parts of my life.

[Teresa Strasser]

Maybe this test would be more effective if your friends and associates filled it out for you.

[Giovanni]

This is exactly what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

I think every. Well, you mean Dr. Drew?

[Giovanni]

This one.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Yeah. Well, essentially every test that I could have taken even in high school would have been better filled out by friends, associates and or Asians. But either way, I would have done much better on every test I've ever taken.

[Teresa Strasser]

Somebody else, even this one.

[Giovanni]

Testify yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Personality tests.

[Teresa Strasser]

But somehow like saying I'm essentially a modest person. Modesty is an interesting word because it seems much more virtuous. Like I almost wouldn't want to give myself credit for being modest. It seemed like insecure or self doubting would be more accurate. Modest seems something better than what I really am.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, modest says you do a lot of, you know, Captain Sully is modest. Yes. 200 souls but then says anyone would have done the same thing.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah, you're great.

[Giovanni]

But acknowledge that you're just like everyone.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sandra Bullock with her German. She's modest about speaking German.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, I don't, that's, I think too good for me. I think self doubting would be more accurate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, I agree. When you send me that thing, I'll fill that out.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, could you fill it out? Well, but that takes balls to act.

[Adam Carolla]

Does well, but look at, that's the point.

[Teresa Strasser]

You are so arrogant that you thought, hit me, hit me, find something bad.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll never find a chicken came back with between.

[Giovanni]

Besides, smug and self assured were like withdrawn and like unforthcoming or whatever synonym for that. So it was an odd sort of like pairing of things that he wouldn't say.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? So it's like a quiet bragger. Yeah, that's kind of what it was.

[Teresa Strasser]

When he's not stonewalling us, he's bragging about himself.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Bragging about how smug he is.

[Giovanni]

Anyway, I've gotten better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen got married.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Oh, that's nice.

[Teresa Strasser]

They've been together a while. They've got a two year old daughter, Olive, but they finally got hitched in Paris in a traditional Jewish ceremony. So if you're keeping count, I believe Trump's daughter is now a Jew. Ivanka.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Teresa Strasser]

She converted.

[Adam Carolla]

Converted.

[Teresa Strasser]

And Isla Fisher, I believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Converted Must be confusing to all the older Jews. Where are these hot looking Jews coming from? Where were they when I was a kid?

[Teresa Strasser]

This red haired.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, no, no, no, these are all. No, no, they're not, they're just made up. Okay, so all the hot blondes with it. Oh, okay, all right, we got you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, people get very upset about intermarriage. Some Jews get very upset about it because there aren't left. The way I look at it, I mean, maybe it's good for the gene.

[Adam Carolla]

Pool, but you know, can I ask this? It'd be like if you were black or Hispanic or Asian and you said, look, I'm tired of all the black men marrying the blonde women and, you know, pulling a Quincy Jones. So what we need to do, we need to keep the pool strong. So hey, Peggy Lipton, could you just say you're black or convert over here, drink a 40, and I want you to listen to some Wilson Pickett. That's right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you're black, but the kid is still gonna.

[Teresa Strasser]

Look, you're setting the scene for a made up movie because if when you convert to Judaism, it's like a very long process where over the course of maybe a year, you're taught things. So let's just say you could do.

[Adam Carolla]

It online these days, like traffic school.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's intense. You have to learn about all the holidays. Any convert you meet knows way more about Judaism than your average Jew or.

[Giovanni]

Jane in five minutes, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

But let's just say you could convert to another race, but you had to go through, you know, let's just say Chris Rock was gonna have to tease the rabbi, right? And he's gonna teach you made a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

You get your Peggy lip, your blonde.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Ben Stiller's wife, right? Who I think.

[Adam Carolla]

And then like some of the testing is like, yeah, you have to go to the fat Burger on La Cienega and order within a half hour or something like that. You know what I mean? You have to really put yourself to the. Really put yourself to the test.

[Teresa Strasser]

Or maybe the ultimate test is if you go to Denny's and they don't serve you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's it.

[Giovanni]

No, you're accepted.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. That's how you know you're in. Yeah. That's awesome.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, congratulations to those two.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she is. And now she's a hot Jewish chick. But again, does that, does that.

[Teresa Strasser]

Can we really claim her as our own?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what's it do to the pool? I don't feel like the gene pool. Well, look, it's still watered down, right? Some hot red headed people.

[Teresa Strasser]

Maybe we need a little of that because we were inbred over there in some Eastern European ghettos. And thus we have high rates of, let's say, depression, breast cancer. Basically, we're born wearing thickness glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Yeah. All right, all right.

[Giovanni]

That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

He's an interesting cat, you know, he's really talented. And yet he's kind of reclusive. And yet he does these crazy, crazy, you know, but he's an observant, religiously observant. Yeah, it's. It's insane. Although, I don't know, Bruno. Disappointment, right? I mean, it just. I felt like it was one of those. It's good, but who cares? I feel like Borat was so good.

[Giovanni]

That Bruno was only pretty good by comparison.

[Adam Carolla]

But also Borat sort of broke the mold. Like, Borat was like, wow, what is this? Whereas Bruno was like, oh, we know what this is. Another Borat. And even if it's just as funny, it's so groundbreaking.

[Giovanni]

You've seen that, you know, you know the beats, you know what to expect.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Rhythm to that song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I couldn't tell because to me, the thing that was so funny about Borat was its exposure of antisemitism. It's a hilarious way that these people are so terrified that Borat was so terrified of Jews. And I guess Bruno was supposed to be exposing homophobia.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But it just. It felt like the same note. Yeah. By the way, just speaking of that, overall, whether it's Zach Galifianakis or it's Borat or whatever, I have seen more cock in movies, in R rated movies in the last 10 years. I don't know when this became in vogue because I grew up, you know, trying to sneak into R rated movies to see some boobies. Right. And that was the whole point to an R rated movie. Like, hey, could hear some foul language. You get to see a booby or two. Yeah, it is fucking cock central now on all these Sarah Marshall, all these things. It's like, I've stared at so much fucking cock.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is this an Apatow thing or did this start before?

[Adam Carolla]

Start before what?

[Teresa Strasser]

Apatow.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Apatow. I don't know if he spearheaded the.

[Teresa Strasser]

Cock movement or did it start with those shows where they hurt each other?

[Adam Carolla]

I like to think of myself as.

[Teresa Strasser]

The type of the cockspear, like the Steve O. Type, you know? Were they showing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there was a lot of. There was a lot of, like, sack trauma and that kind of stuff impacted Zach people. Could we please get back to the fucking boobies, for the love of Christ?

[Giovanni]

Speaking of horrible trends, let's not forget that it wasn't that long ago you can see boobs in like a PG13 movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Movie.

[Giovanni]

They were like, in like Airplane or like. Yeah, it's a bad example. I think it was rated R. But there are PG13.

[Adam Carolla]

There would be PG13 movies where it's like a chick would be staring out a window and all of a sudden a top would come flying off. It's just a flash of something, but it was like, quick booby shot. Now it's all. And balls.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, speaking of boobs, Disney is looking for women with real boobs for Pirates of the Caribbean. According to the New York Post, filmmakers on the Johnny Depp movie recently sent out a casting sheet that clearly states all those trying out must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants. An insider says that there's actually gonna be some sort of test to make sure that those are real boobs.

[Adam Carolla]

Now that. Fuck that Dr. Drew Narcissism Test. That's one of the test.

[Teresa Strasser]

I guess you just have to jog for the judges to show that your boobs are real.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. I mean, I guess it's like one of those things where you want your bosomy lass or maiden, but you don't want the fake titty looking porn.

[Giovanni]

Well, the period piece you can't expose, no pun intended, expose yourself is not being run.

[Teresa Strasser]

You can't have anachronistic tits.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah, good point.

[Teresa Strasser]

Don't you wish you had the little sound? Well, also, according to the New York Post, Paris Hilton might be losing her popularity. They're reporting, reporting that she's shopping a new reality show that would follow her engagement. Wow, I didn't even know she was engaged. And wedding to boyfriend Doug Reinhart, but nobody seems interested. The Post says she's been on TV constantly since 2003 and the public may be saturated with Paris. So that's what a source says.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when you do nothing and offer nothing, like when you have no product to offer, then eventually, I mean, you're essentially a store with a great sign in front and nothing on the shelves. Eventually people will stop coming in, right? When word gets out that there's just. You're like a Russian supermarket circa 1983, you know, and there's just nothing going on in there. And also, why shouldn't people just chew you up and spit you out and get sick of you? A, you made A, fucking enough money from doing nothing. But B, there is no. Whether you're Paris Hilton or whether you're a comedian or whether you're whoever, career wise, it's your job to stay out in front of your career a little bit and actually create something. This deal where you just get paid to sort of be you. Well, eventually it's gonna get old and so are you sure.

[Giovanni]

So separates, I can't believe I'm saying this, but separates like Paris Hilton from sort of the Kim Kardashians of the world who actually maybe own a shop or do something to put something out into the world, you know what I'm saying? Granted, marginal, but at least they own. They have a clothing line or a perfume line or a jewelry line that, yeah, evolving.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll be the same for her though. I just mean, like people do this thing where they're like, wow, why does this person keep. Get to get to have a career? And that person doesn't get to have a career? Well, Sacha Baron Cohen gets to have a career because he creates vehicles for himself. You know, I don't know if he waited around to be cast in movies and just to be the sidekick on the marriage raft, he probably. Oh, man.

[Teresa Strasser]

Couldn't even get that.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably wouldn't be working.

[Teresa Strasser]

So close, though. Doesn't that make me seem a little bit more relevant than you previously thought? Yes, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, it hurt. It hurt. So pregnant. I was so pregnant that I had to get permission from my OB GYN to go out in the field and do that screen test because I was already dilated 1cm.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that's. I want to say, you think I, I get the rally gene?

[Adam Carolla]

How do they know when you're dilated?

[Teresa Strasser]

You go in and they, they. Oh, God. Oh, that was.

[Adam Carolla]

What do they do? They throw a feeler gauge on it.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's honestly the most painful thing I've ever felt. They. It's a very old fashioned test. They just use their fingers.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like to. So if it's one, I guess they can. And so they go in there and they ram their hands and they get an OBGYN with small hands. Because that is not. Yeah, it is not.

[Adam Carolla]

And they remember where you were before.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, yeah, I guess they, you know, they're so used to doing it that they know by their own hand and finger measurements.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Women vary quite a bit.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, a centimeter is a centimeter, so I guess just judging by their own fingers.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, what's one centimeter?

[Adam Carolla]

You've dilated a centimeter. And then, you know, you need a baseline. Char Williams or somebody. I'm trying to think. Who might have a huge vagina. Nacy Nash. Niecy Nash could come in. Who's Char Williams? I make her up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Was she married? Kevin Satterline.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, anyway, the point is Niecy Nash, who might have, by the way, I'm, I'm not making fun of her. I was watching Dancing with the Stars the other night, and she dedicated her dance all the Full Size Women, which is such a chicken move. It's basically saying, hey, fatties, pick up the phone.

[Teresa Strasser]

But no. You know who was worse? Kate Gosling, because she did it for all the moms. And that was such a naked grub for the moms to vote. Like, really?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry it's such a chicken thing. Hey, for all the full size women out there.

[Giovanni]

I'm so tired of that Buzz Aldrin's like, I'm doing this for all the.

[Adam Carolla]

Old astronauts out there. Come on, buddy. In Sputnik. And all the guys, the Apollo program and, and the guys who burnt on the launch Pad on the phone.

[Teresa Strasser]

Buzz is 80 and legitimately seeing him dance was kind of inspiring. And if you were elderly, that really actually might make you feel good. But like seeing a plus size gal dance, I mean, didn't we already see that on what's Happening?

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, that was a dude. Oh, come on, just rerun it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

She's not, as we sadly talk about, she's not even plus size by American standards. You know the plus size, the average, A plus size model is like size, I don't know, 13 or 14. And the average woman is like size 13 or 14. No, it's like was like as high or high.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, maybe a 14.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So the plus size model is smaller than the average size woman.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying every year they put a chick on that's got a couple extra inches on her, she dances fine and then does that bullshit plea at the end where she's doing it for all the big lays. And by the way, you guys are just some lard ass fraternity, you know what I mean? Or sorority. Like, what the fuck? I hate that bullshit. It's super condescending. It's pandering and it's bullshit. Like somehow fat people just pass each other on the street, give each other high fives. Hey, this is awesome. We both overeat, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

We're protected by invisible taffy. Yeah, that binds us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's. It's such a. It's like, hey, this is. I do it for all the guys with the brillo head out there who are funny.

[Teresa Strasser]

If you're struggling and you don't think you can make it because of your brillo head, you can.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just bullshit. I don't, I don't like all the. It's pandering. You're trying to get votes because you know there's a bunch of plus sized chicks are sitting at home and watching this and they're looking at the tall blonde chicks who can put their foot over their head and bend it around the back of their head and they're going, that cunt.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, I didn't like Erin Andrews either.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I mean, I just assumed that's who you were.

[Adam Carolla]

She wasn't very.

[Teresa Strasser]

I wanted to like her and I couldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think there's a whole lot of personality going on.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, there was. She was in the deficit. Whereas Pam Anderson, I don't know what it is and I don't know how many more years she can pull off. Pull it off.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's hope it's months.

[Teresa Strasser]

She's still pulling it off.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess I didn't see her dance.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh my God, she's sexy. A lot of playing with her hair and I don't know how old she is, but she is still 42 or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

I talked. I talked to one of the producers over there, one of the high ranking officials over there because they want me to do a regular thing this season. And we were just talking and they're like. It's just always funny because they're like, Adam, they're English and they're always talking about. We think it'd be very funny if you did this or that and the other. But I don't know what we were talking about. They're like Tom Anderson's nipples are so large and they protrude. We can't stop them. And I was like, really? We have to put duct tape on them and things. And still they show through like so evidently there's a little nipple gate going on over there with Pam's so powerful that they push through the sequence bound.

[Teresa Strasser]

And yet she has a magical quality because women love her even though she's giant nipples. They should hate her. And by the way, she's a mom, but she doesn't rub your face in it.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like Kate Goslin does.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Just is.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Why we should hate her, but we don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's something. There's something likable about her.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I know. I don't either. I remember a couple Olympics ago she was.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a little self deprecating.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. She's that she was supporting a gymnast who didn't have the funds to train. And so, you know, they would sometimes like cut to her watching in the stands and she was sponsoring the girl and I just thought, I love that she would do that. I mean, obviously it's no skin off her nose. She's rich. But I just liked it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you never know how rich.

[Teresa Strasser]

Did you watch the other dancers? Ocho Cinco.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, watch Ocho Cinco and seemed pretty good.

[Teresa Strasser]

New co host. And by the way, I was not up for that job. Samantha Harris. Yeah. I thought she did a nice job.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Don't like her.

[Teresa Strasser]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

No, not as a human being. No. I don't have anything specifically other than she did Loveline once and me and Drew kind of went like, that's it.

[Teresa Strasser]

No substance.

[Adam Carolla]

No. It doesn't seem to be much there.

[Giovanni]

Our former intern Chris reminded me of both. Chad and Aaron Andrews have been on a radio show.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, gosh.

[Giovanni]

I Forgot about.

[Adam Carolla]

She did, yeah. She.

[Teresa Strasser]

I remember Linda Cohn.

[Adam Carolla]

Brooke did a. Linda Cone's on a radio show. Yeah. She was pretty yeoman like job. But I don't think she brought much to the table. I mean, I don't think she did a bad job. She didn't.

[Teresa Strasser]

It was a bit yeoman like, but that. That's hard to be live and, you know, people talking in your ear. I was. I was kind of impressed. I thought she.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a difficult thing to be thrown into and the nerve should get the better of you. And she was quite composed and fine. There wasn't much going on, but maybe it's also one of those jobs where there's just not much to do. The funny thing about that job is there is a person who is tallying up the three scores and writing it down and holding it up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Sometimes for a game I play at home, I see if I could tally them in my own head as quickly as the person who does that for a living.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Just to make myself, you know, just to remind myself that I too have skills.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's a gig you could do.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's true. I could be the tallier.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wouldn't that be really. How the mighty is free to do it now?

[Adam Carolla]

I should have danced with the stars. Oh, really?

[Teresa Strasser]

Wow. You were gonna dance with the stars.

[Adam Carolla]

That's great.

[Giovanni]

That's awesome.

[Teresa Strasser]

Producing or writing or.

[Giovanni]

I am involved in the production aspect of the show.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sort of those field shoots, like with.

[Giovanni]

Adam off camera behind the scenes.

[Adam Carolla]

The Talier sounds like a like one hour cop drama. Friday nights, the Talier. And he just. Just a shot of me going, something doesn't add up. That's right. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sometimes two plus two does not equal four.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm doing a thing where I'm in the lab with the dry erase board and I'm going, wait a minute. There was another number written on here before 18. Got to work this out. I got the woods light out.

[Giovanni]

You do the math, the talent.

[Teresa Strasser]

I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there you go.

[Teresa Strasser]

I tuned in just at the end of Shannon Doherty's dance. But can you tell me why she was crying? Did they slander her?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Giovanni]

Her poor Teddy stroke.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. There's a.

[Teresa Strasser]

One of Pam Anderson's nipples.

[Adam Carolla]

Got her in the eye, took out a chandelier and it landed on her lighting grid. There's a couple things that goes on. People are so pent up. Like imagine somebody saying to you, hey, man, you're gonna do like one of the most nerve wracking hairiest, craziest things you could do in front of 22 million people. And you'll do it in five weeks. And then it's like, now it's three weeks. And then a certain point, it's like, 10 days from now, you'll be doing this. And then, hey, tomorrow you're on the fuzz. And then it gets to, hey, after this commercial break, you're gonna be doing the craziest. And then. Then there's a point where it's like they're rolling in your package, and someone goes. Go out and stand in the middle of the stage. It'll be dark, but.

[Teresa Strasser]

And then their music comes out, and then you'll hear.

[Adam Carolla]

And now, dancing, the Cha Cha, Teresa Strasser and the host from the marriage ref. No, but. And you're standing there, and there's just crazy, like, holy shit, it's here, right? Like. Like, we're doing this thing. This thing that I remember when my agent called me and I was in the parking lot of the radio show, and he's like, hey, baby, what about. I was thinking, wow, when is it? Seven weeks. You know, like, all right. The next thing you know, like, you're standing on stage. And I do think it's a powerful sort of cathartic event for. Not for me, but for people with nerve endings. And when they're done, like, people have this sort of release, like this weird.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like, people did that. Niecy Nash was like, yeah, like, just.

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of like, ugh, it's over. Like, I did it or whatever.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, all right, that makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody wants to talk on the phone. You guys want to try talking?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, we should talk to Cisco.

[Adam Carolla]

We should have been talking to Joe Rogan, but I don't know why.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I was wondering.

[Giovanni]

He's in a sleep depression tank.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, I remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, that's good. Donnie put the. Put the little sign up that says he's not coming, by the way.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, did he cancel? He's on the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I like Joe. We'll get him back. Hey, Cisco. Yeah. Hey, what's up? What's happening, Cisco? Hey, man. Not much. Just wanted to say. Say what's up? All right, Cisco. Thanks for writing that down. Hey, just. I don't know if you guys saw on the screen, Today's my birthday, so I wanted to celebrate with you guys. Well, it's not on the screen, but it is circled on my cat calendar. Cisco's birthday from Tempe.

[Teresa Strasser]

Happy birthday. I see we're going 29 yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, that's awesome. The only difference is for the last few years, you'll be 30.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Yet I will still be 29.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you doing in Tempe, Cisco? Well, I'm working for a pretty good company, dealing with cell phones and stuff. It's a great bunch of guys. They used to do construction, too, and it slowed down, so I had to pretty much change my profession. But, hey, I landed with a great group of guys, and we're doing pretty good. Well, good. Glad. Glad. Are you where you wanted to be at age 29? Well, it's sort of a long story. It's tough. Not really, you know, being honest. But, hey, I'm happy. I got a great wife who does very well, and, you know, I got a couple kids and. And it's. It's. It's going well. You know, I'm. I'm doing. I'm doing good. Okay. I'm doing well. Happy birthday, Cisco. Cisco.

[Giovanni]

Enjoy plans for the birthday?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm gonna spend it with my family. I mean, that's. That's pretty much it. Great. Thanks, Cisco. Thanks for listening. By the way, at the restaurant I was at in New York, drinking the potpourri tea with my editor, who again explained how much she enjoyed it. I don't know why. Trying to score points with me. I'm not sure what the notion is there, but somebody was celebrating their birthday, and they had to have all the waiters come in and do that. Super lame, archaic happy birthday. And there's a TGI Friday version of that, and then there's a sort of upscale version of that. But either way, can we do away with this like we did away with the parsley a few years ago? Which is to say, let's really focus on this. The person that's celebrating the birthday, I'm sure would be much happier with a grotto slab of German chocolate cake than they would with a fucking hoopla made over them turning 40. Especially if it's a woman. You know what I mean? Birthdays, especially for ladies, once they pass 35. Not something they like to advertise. Number one.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is that what it's gonna be like? I'm curious.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Scant six years. That's what you have to look forward to. But also, if you're like me, and even if you're off the charts with Dr. Drew's narcissism task, still do not like that kind of attention in a public plays. So as far as the person that's receiving the song. Yeah, I don't Think they're very happy about this.

[Teresa Strasser]

Does anyone in their ears comp them.

[Adam Carolla]

Their entree that would make them happy? Now, as far as the waiter slash waitresses who got into this to basically make ends meet or, you know, pay the bills on the apartment and the rent, all that kind of shit, I don't think they got in it to stand in front of someone holding a cupcake with a candle in it and singing either, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

No, it's hideous. And by the way, when you're at Hulu Hands and you have to be part of the birthday singing team, that means that your tables are not getting their food and thus will under tip you.

[Adam Carolla]

I needed my boiled fragrant soap that was iced tea topped off. And I couldn't get it topped off because everyone had been pulled off. It's essentially like, you know, it's like all the firemen are up on the hill fighting the brush fire and your house is getting tended to and your.

[Giovanni]

Kittens in a tree.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Your kittens in a tree. Thank you. So none of the other tables are excited about having their staff member pulled off of whatever it is they were doing. The people, the cooks can't be happy about it. The guy who owns the restaurant can't be delighted with it. And I've never picked a restaurant based on their ability to sing the Happy Birthday songs. Everyone went, well, the meat's kind of dry and the bartender sucks. Which boy do these guys sing one hell of a Happy Birthday? No. So what the fuck, let's get rid of it. Like, who would be the person, raise their hand and be like, no, this is bullshit. And I understand if you're nine, but in that case, take your kid to a Denny's, let him eat for fucking free and do it that way, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

So as a culture we should just do away with this. But I'm afraid this is gonna go the way of left hand turn signals and some of your other issues.

[Adam Carolla]

All my point about people, not me not influencing people.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think you're still, you're influential. You're right, you make a strong on case. But do people listen?

[Adam Carolla]

We're too entrenched in this birthday thing is into it. Who do you know? Like, it's the same argument I make with trail mix. Who says I need more of this? Who wouldn't rather have some smoked almonds or some honey glazed cashews? Who says I want this shit with the sunflower seeds and the small black raisins that are covering that weird dust or even worse, the weird date things that look like look like squirrel droppings and rolled flower. Who says I gotta get me some of those.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think there is a flavor of human being that enjoys the birthday song attention. Like for example, I have an aunt. She, you know, is a teacher, like a substitute teacher. Doesn't do anything in the public eye, you know, to raise three kids. She's the sweetest woman ever, probably for her because she's not the center of attention really ever. It might be kind of fun to have everyone in the restaurant look and sing and clap for five minutes of her life. That's her moment. She might enjoy that.

[Adam Carolla]

But there is also then this sort of math that your aunt will never do. But if that is your thing, aren't you admitting something about yourself? Do you know what I mean? Like, it's that sort of thing where it's like you see a coupon for a two for one soft swirl, you know, yogurt at some place down the street, you grab it with both hands and run out of the room laughing maniacally and you're like, wait a minute, what have I become?

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Like, don't you have to take a good look in the mirror and go, if this is what I'm excited about. Well, I mean, it's really a bad sign.

[Teresa Strasser]

We do this for a living. Well, I used to. So we should really be taking a look at ourselves where somebody who just gets the birthday song for a couple of minutes and they enjoy the attention that seems actually healthier in some ways that someone would enjoy that. And yet we would.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't like it either, yet the, the full time profession of craving attention that seems sicker have involved ourselves in.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, like I. Yeah, I mean we've all just written books, so that's like here's 70,000 page, 70,000 words about me. But don't sing me the birthday song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, that's true. Except for I guess if you paid me to sit still while someone sung the birthday song, that would be a much different situation. I really feel like I have separated myself from the part where I crave attention and part where I crave money. As far as the book goes, somebody came to me with that idea. I didn't suggest it to anybody. And then somebody gave me money to do it. And for me, I'm just begrudgingly doing it for the paycheck. It's sort of the way I look at it. I actually we did the celebrity Grand Prix thing and have this like confessional booth where I have to go in there and sort of talk about what you're doing and other people like that. And I realized that by the end of the day on Sunday, one of the wrangler women came up to me and said, There's 19 people here, and you're the only person that's not gone into the booth. So we need you to get. We need two things. We need. You get fitted for a fire suit. So you got to see the guy from Simpson, and we need you to go into the confessional. And I said, oh, okay. And I completed one of those tasks before I was driving home from Lancaster that day, and I thought, oh, that's right. I got my fire suit. But I never did go into that confessional. And then I kind of felt bad for the person that tracked you down.

[Teresa Strasser]

And needed you to go in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I didn't feel bad for me. I didn't want to do. I didn't want to be in a confessional. Well, it didn't involve driving, and it involved getting paid.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, by the way, when I finished my book, let's just say this. When I was on the last chapter of my book and I wrote. Well, I think I have other reasons. I mean, I got paid to write the book, but. But also, I think it's really the only thing I'm good at doing. And thus it feels good to do. Writing, that is. But when I was on the last chapter and I couldn't, you know, that. That was. That got a little intense right around the end, because I knew I was close, so I spent a lot of time imagining the blurbs that people were going to give me. And then I thought, oh, maybe I'll get Adam to blurb my book, you know, and then, you know, because. So maybe they'll put on the COVID And then I spent a lot of time writing your blurb for you.

[Adam Carolla]

So.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you want to hear what I came up with?

[Adam Carolla]

Please.

[Teresa Strasser]

If I was ever going to read a book, it'd be this one.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I may have done that. Oh, damn it. Oh, man. Oh, God.

[Teresa Strasser]

All right, well, can you write that.

[Adam Carolla]

On either the Bible or the Glendale telephone book?

[Teresa Strasser]

One or the other.

[Adam Carolla]

Those are your top two I've done. I've done a bunch of those books.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's weird. It's a huge favor, because it's like saying, will you read my entire book?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. But I've never read the book.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, you didn't see that? You can get away with that, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Guess I've never read a book that anyone's given Me. But I've definitely done, you know, 30 blurbs. But you can think of another one.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, I'll work on it.

[Adam Carolla]

And I can't remember if I did that one or not.

[Giovanni]

I feel like you might have done it for Bill Simmons first book.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe. Yeah. There you go.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, Bill Simmons got the best blurber. He got Malcolm Gladwell to blurb his book.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, of Outliers Tipping Point. Yeah. Sorry, but I think I cut you off when I was asking about your. Do you hate the birthday song?

[Adam Carolla]

I hate. I hate that people go to celebrate.

[Giovanni]

The birthday at a place like Fridays. It's so depressing.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that is.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Mondays would be worse.

[Giovanni]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

But, yeah, I. I just feel like when you go. And maybe this is all just a lame attempt to get a free piece of cake, because why are you even telling the person, like, whoever's doing the fucking thing should just make mum the word.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, the free German chocolate cake At Houlihans, where I worked for over a year there. There was. There was a button on the computer. Everything's computerized to prevent stealing. There's a button, you know, free cake. And so you're taking the tables. But I feel that Hula hands was defrauded out of many pieces of cake, and I did not care if it was a birthday. In fact, there were times if I. If there was a couple and it looked like maybe they couldn't quite afford their meal and they seem nice, I would say, is it your birthday? Is it your birthday?

[Adam Carolla]

Profiling, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Just because I want to give them free cake.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Wow. You're the Marie Antoinette of Houlahans.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Or maybe the Robin Hood. I'd steal from the corporate restaurant and give to the moderately moneyed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you were doing good. Well, you're both.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah. But it's actually kind of like stealing, and I should probably make amends for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Steel cake.

[Teresa Strasser]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Did I feel like a button that says free cake?

[Giovanni]

I can imagine Big Tad pounding the button that has free cake.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God.

[Teresa Strasser]

That also.

[Adam Carolla]

And they. They never ask the CID when you do that.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, no, that would be.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't try to pull it on, like, consecutive Thursdays, then they'll get on. Can't be regular in the same sex.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I had a little issue there because one of the few things that we. The servers were responsible for in terms of garnishing was there was this, like, Snickers pie thing, like a Snickers cheesecake or. And you'd put a Little tiny mini Snickers on it. You know that they'd put it up and then you'd add the little Snickers candy bar and then deliver to the table. I had a little problem with those Mini Snickers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

There was days.

[Adam Carolla]

I was so hungry and so desperate and Snickers. The Mini Snickers. There's no cutoff point for Mini Snickers. There's no point where you go, you know, I must stop now. It's just you just. They're sort of like when you. When you have pistachio nuts and you just keep popping the shell on them and eating it. It's like there's no stopping point for the mini Snickers. The regular Snickers. I'm sure people get fatter off the mini Snickers because a regular sized Snickers or even a king size Snickers bar. You go, go. All right. I just ate a full candy bar. That's. That's enough of that. I'm not gonna eat two in a row. But the mini Snickers, there's no end point for those.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, this is why I can never open up a giant bag of pretzels because I need a portion size. Otherwise, I don't know when I'm done.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, the pretzels are done. When they're done, right, they're gone.

[Teresa Strasser]

The Snickers, there were days, I mean, it was real. I mean, I might have eaten 19, like, candy bars and then just been like, really in it. Like chocolate on my mouth. I mean, I'm sure I wasn't hiding it that well, but I was essentially stealing or at all.

[Adam Carolla]

I had it. I had an experience yesterday. I mean, just speaking of food, I never. I never liked the cherry tomatoes. I've never been a fan of the cherry tomatoes. The reason I've never been a fan of the cherry tomatoes is they're very thin skinned and sort of tough, and then they're just filled with pus. Essentially, they're filled with the non part of the tomato. I don't need. It's like they bred a lobster that's all shell and guts and no meat. Like, to me, I love a Roma tomato or beefsteak tomato. But the cherry tomato is that super thin, it's almost grape like skin, and it's kind of sour and chewy, and then inside is just filled with that clear pus. Now, the cherry tomatoes, which is weird. I just noticed this yesterday when I ordered a salad. I ordered sitting in an editing bay and ordered Japanese food. And by the way the salad that comes with the Japanese food is like, choke on it. Round eye. Like, we're not. This ain't our thing. Like, we do sushi and we do eel and we do this. We're going to provide a salad because there's some sort of federal mandate that says you have to put a salad in with the stuff. But we've put zero effort in it. By the. Zero effort is when they take the grater and they do the carrot over the top. Because that's saying, look, it'll look. It'll have some color in it. It'll have zero taste. Like the only thing, when you take that thing, you do those sort of curly cues of carrots where you take that, you take like the carrot peeler and you do that long thing with it and it just makes these thin shoestring curls of carrot that tastes like nothing and I'm sure aren't even good for you at this point because there's so little, so much of nothing. But it's really like, fuck off. It's really like we have no interest in this salad, but here you go. And then they throw in a couple cherry tomatoes, which is another. We have no real interest in the salad, but we're going to throw in a couple of things that look like something. Yeah, the cherry tomato has grown. Like everything else has grown. Peaches used to be the size of a tennis ball. Now they're the size of a beach ball. And everything's just gotten big and shitty and unwieldy and mealy. Like peaches and nectarines and produce. Like everything is bigger and better looking. It's kind of like people. It's like everyone has turned into Karl Malone, but they're dying at 55. Like they've turned into like everything's. Everything's like big and good looking and strapping now, but everyone's just dropping dead.

[Teresa Strasser]

We're not crisp inside.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we don't. There's something that's missing. But everything's about presentation now and not so much about what it tastes like. And I realize even the cherry tomatoes, and by the way, they're called cherry tomatoes. They're not supposed to be the size of a golf ball. They're cherry tomatoes. The cherry tomatoes have gotten too big and now you can't pop the whole thing in your mouth. And if it did, it's like a gay porn film and everything just explodes. And so you have to, like, cut it and you look like a dick. And you always fork into it. It squirts. You it's like a sea urchin. And I realized that one of the greatest inventions of the last, like eight years are the cherry Roma tomatoes. Like the miniature weird little. They got the thicker skin and they're a little bit redder and you can pop them in your mouth. They don't extend, explode in your mouth and all gooey and pussy. I would like them to get to that. But I would also like the folks that aren't interested in salads or desserts. Whatever the culture is with the restaurant, just fucking knock it off. Stop pretending. Who are you kidding? You're not interested in dessert. You know, you're deep frying some. Some green tea ice cream or something. Just go fuck it, we don't have dessert. Yeah, and go fuck it. You know, get a salad. And by the way, you're here for the sushi, so relax.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I mean, green tea ice cream is the number one not worth the calories dessert of all time.

[Giovanni]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And deep frying it just makes it that much worse for you and that much less satisfying.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Here, fatties, you want your ice cream?

[Adam Carolla]

Here you go.

[Teresa Strasser]

We're gonna fry it for you. Enjoy it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Hey, ugly American. Yeah, I know you like everything.

[Teresa Strasser]

Gotta have dessert, you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Lord knows you just. You could just walk away with 80 bucks worth of sushi in your belly and call it a night, you fat, ugly, round eyes. So here, here's some choke on this deep fried tennis ball that we call dessert. I feel like I'm rejecting maybe, but Jesus Christ, what a cop. Out with the fucking cherry tomatoes.

[Teresa Strasser]

By the way, I don't know if you want to take another call. Let me touch on this briefly. Yesterday was the marathon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I assume that you still hate the marathon block. Yeah, here in Los Angeles I do.

[Adam Carolla]

If I came up with a solution, writing my book, complaining about the LA marathon the other day, which was they used to circle the city and it used to mean you can't escape from your home apartment. And in a city where traffic is a major issue, obviously you making it even worse is a horrible idea. This time they straightened it out. They went from Dodger Stadium just to the Santa Monica pier. So they just went in a straight line, which still fucks up all the traffic in that area, but at least you're not surrounded and can't escape your home. I suggest in the future that all these assholes that had something to prove to themselves go down to the Fontana Speedway. We got a nice two mile oval, 13. Whoever makes it 13. Well, that's how car races work. You don't just take off and go driving through the streets. Right. So you get to 13 and a half laps first.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. So went from Dodger Stadium, and I sort of live over there in East. And you couldn't get anywhere in my whole neighborhood. And I thought, really, we don't have enough trouble here in the ghetto now.

[Adam Carolla]

We can't separate enough.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, now we're stuck here on a Sunday. We can't even leave our ghetto.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. So, so horrible. But when it went a circle around the ghetto, then it was like you really, you couldn't escape. All right, T Bone, there's calls, there's stings. We're running out of time. How about we try to take. Well, I feel bad because. Hey, Mick on line one. You've been on hold for a thousand years. You have a question about health care. Yeah. Hey, Adam. Good to talk to you. Good to speak to you.

[Giovanni]

This is a lifelong dream here, getting.

[Adam Carolla]

Through to the legendary Adam Carolla. Thank you. Your question was what? Well, my main question was, I wanted to see how you felt about the health care that passed yesterday. You know, I've seen a ton of emails flying around where people are, you know, saying, well, welcome to the socialist United States and blahdy blahdy, blah, which always seems kind of ridiculous to me because, you know, it's like, well, next thing they're gonna have public roads and then there's gonna be public schools and it's gonna be a madhouse fireman. Yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

I mean, God forbid. So I just wanted to see what your take was.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have strong feelings about the whole healthcare issue. I have. I have a sort of pro and a con take on it. I am one of these people that believes that not everyone is entitled to everything that everyone else has. Just because you're an American citizen or if you made it across some border over here. I don't have that feeling. I have a feeling of people that make money have safer, healthier lives. That's pretty much the end. That's how it works. You drive cars with airbags. You live in safer neighborhoods. You have better locks on your doors and home security systems. You go to schools where your kids don't get shot. You eat healthier food in general. You. You don't become, like I said, the. Just driving around in a beat up old Nissan pickup truck is probably one of the most dangerous things you could do. Or scooter because you can't afford electric. On the other hand, I do think there's enough money. We're Prosperous enough, we spend enough on the military, God knows that we could get our shit together and provide a level of health care for everyone. Not the same level of health care for everyone, but certainly a least sort of baseline level of health care for everyone. On the other hand, I was uninsured for a million years, and whenever something bad happened to me, I would go down to county, usc, and sort of throw myself up the mercy of the court, and they would patch me up. I would get a bill some point later that I didn't pay, and that was sort of the end of that. So this sort of notion of, well, you know, you're going to give birth to a kid in a dumpster, it's a little bit of an exaggeration. You can go into an emergency room and they will take you. Look, as far as the insurance company is, I'm sure the ripoff artists just like the big. Everything's a ripoff artist. I mean, I don't think we get our due from defense contractors or people that handle pharmaceuticals or people do almost anything. And then this whole idea of, well, it's health care, it shouldn't be a business. Unfortunately, everything where the money changes hands turns into a business. And on the other hand, I don't want. I do want. There is a part of me that wants pharmaceutical companies to be greedy so they can be motivated to go out and cure Brine's tumor. Yeah, I do. I do want that.

[Teresa Strasser]

So as opposed to figuring out ways to not pay people's claims.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I have very mixed feelings on the whole thing. I don't usually look at the government for answers, but they do. We do have a fire department, we do have a military, and we do have a police department. So what is the answer? I don't know. People not abusing the system and not having a system in place that is almost laid out for people to abuse would definitely be a start. The other part is let's get people smoking.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I want them just having massive coronaries when they're 63 years old and not doing what my grandparents did, which is going on for the next.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that last 10 years is the pricey.

[Adam Carolla]

Well into their 90s. All right, now we have a dilemma, which is Joe Rogan has finally showed up. Except for I'm supposed to be in an edit bay in. In 10 minutes.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, should we put him on the parent experiment? I think he has a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Joe, you have a kid, right? Yeah. All right. Would you like to hang around and talk? Good to see you, Joe. And talk about your in another podcast.

[Giovanni]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. All right, let's do that. I'll tell you what then, Joe. Well, I'll give Joe Rogan's DVD a plug anyway.

[Giovanni]

I didn't know you were doing this live now.

[Adam Carolla]

Talking Monkeys in Space is the name of the dvd. I love Joe, and I wish we had time. Sadly, I have to go hit and edit Bay at NBC, but we will do another show when I leave. And if you want to hang out and speak your mind in that show, that would be awesome. So until next time, T Bone, give out your email or your your website.

[Teresa Strasser]

Tune in to our show, the Parent experiment. It's on AdamCarolla.com or iTunes. And apparently we'll have a special guest, Joe Rogan. Maybe for a few minutes he'll talk about fatherhood and also the secret life of Lynette Carolla before she met Adam. She does beatbox. That episode is posted now. Yes, and she's into old school west coast hip hop. Who knew? And this week, Joe Rogan and a.

[Adam Carolla]

Sleep expert and bald Brian.

[Giovanni]

Follow me on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm Baldbrian and we're gonna be at the Bray Improv on Wednesday the 31st. You can get those tickets until next time to Adam Kroll for Teresa Strasser, Paul Bryant and Joe Rogan. Great job today, Joe saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, There's Adam Kroll Show 283. Coming up next, we have Adam Kroll.

[Adam Carolla]

Show 284 with Roger L. Simon. The very next episode.

[Giovanni]

Roger L. Simon's an author, a screenwriter. Adam and Roger have a very fun chat. Check it out. Pluto TV is the place for movie.

[Teresa Strasser]

Fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Adam Carolla]

They've got something for everyone and it's totally free.

[Teresa Strasser]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Giovanni]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Teresa Strasser]

Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Tracker or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gun, run for it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free.

[Giovanni]

Pluto TV stream now pay Never.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome the podcast Roger Simon. Roger, good to meet you.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Well, nice to meet you.

[Adam Carolla]

Roger's a pretty impressive fellow here. He's published 11 books. He do now. Do you? Do you you. Sorry, you don't make your own wine, do you?

[Patrick Dempsey]

I wish I did. Moses Wine was my character. So people, some guy wants wine Detective series. Sorry, that was ridiculous. Someone made a character out of it, you know, that was the Dreyfus. Did the film out of it. But someone made a wine out of it at one point that disappeared.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's so sad.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I think I should bring it back.

[Adam Carolla]

I need reading glasses now. It just happened. I never thought I would need reading glasses because I couldn't read, so who cared? But I really need reading glasses now. And I'm at the point where I need them. Donnie has a pair. I need them, but I don't want to admit it. Well, I'm ahead of you and so I just leave them at home. Ah, there we go. Oh, yeah. Award winning Moses wine detective series. Not award winning wine.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I wish. Maybe that's more useful.

[Adam Carolla]

Also nominated for Academy Award in 1989. What was that for?

[Patrick Dempsey]

A movie called Enemies, A love story with Angelica Houston and the late Ron Silver. Very serious film about the Holocaust with some humor in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Ron Silver died at a fairly young age.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Oh yeah, a good friend of mine. Yeah, Very sad.

[Adam Carolla]

How old was he?

[Patrick Dempsey]

About 60.

[Adam Carolla]

He seemed younger. Maybe his hair was darker or something.

[Patrick Dempsey]

He was losing it because he died of cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus. Yeah, sad. He's also one of these guys whose name, you know, and he's done a bunch of movies, you know, but you have to sort of picture his face.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Well, he was. He was more of a good actor than a star, you know, that's the difference.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So where did you. How did you get your start? Where are you from? How'd you get out here?

[Patrick Dempsey]

I was an east coast boy from a very standard New York Jewish background. Went to Ivy League schools and decided I. The best thing to be a writer was to come to Hollywood and write screenplays, which I did. And then I, you know, I did right after getting out of graduate school.

[Adam Carolla]

And you, you wrote Scenes from a Mall. Yeah, Paul Mazursky. And that's Bette Midler and Woody Allen.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah, yeah, I wrote.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you on set for that one, by the way?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Oh, sure, yeah. That. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How was that?

[Patrick Dempsey]

That was fascinating because that was right when. When Woody was starting up with Soon Yi.

[Adam Carolla]

That must have been.

[Patrick Dempsey]

But we didn't realize we didn't know it, of course, because, you know, you wouldn't have dreamed it.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Patrick Dempsey]

So, I mean, we were ignorant, but he would always disappear into his trailer like wham. Right, right. You know, are we done yet? And he'd go, right. Where did the guy go? Well, now, we knew shortly thereafter that.

[Adam Carolla]

How old was Soon Yi at the time? And how weird is that?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Young and weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Young and young and very. Let me ask you something on just the weirdo meter, Roger. From a guy who's been around this town as long as you've been around and seen what you've seen on the weirdo meter, Woody Allen Soon Yi. That situation, which is essentially he ends up having sex with and then marrying his adopted daughter. Right, Correct. Which was Mia Farrow's adopted daughter.

[Patrick Dempsey]

It was really Mia's.

[Adam Carolla]

Mia. Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

So he sort of interfered in that, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

This is all semantics, of course, because he. He had promised to be the father to them.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotta be as a. And now he was not married to Mia Farrow at the time, but they were just long time. Right. The partners. Yeah. And speaking of partners. All right, so on the weirdo meter, the Woody Allen Soon Yi thing, or. And imagine, by the way, that's a good 15 years old now, Right. I mean, if that had happened in today's TMZ world, it would have been at Tiger woods times. Times ten. Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Oh, huge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Of course, Woody isn't what he was then either. Woody at that particular point was like king of the world and film.

[Adam Carolla]

Now that versus trying to think of the Liberace getting his young boyfriend plastic surgery to look like Liberace so that he could essentially f a 21 year old version of himself. Okay, on the weirdo meter, that's a Liber.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I give it to Liberace. I mean, actually, though, Woody was a bigger star than Liberace. I mean, Woody was the most famous movie director slash comic in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

But on the weirdo meter.

[Patrick Dempsey]

On the weirdo meter exclusively. Nothing weird. Liberace.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Got himself a like 21 year old boyfriend and started getting him plastic surgery so it looked like him.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he could f himself.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, you know, Woody is very high on the, you know, the like bad taste O meter in this rather than the weird O meter because what he did was he was like an aging guy who wanted to make it with a young Asian chick.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

How many guys are like that? Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

My hand just came up.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah, lots of hands.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Yeah, that's right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

So it's not so much weird as it's really the wrong one.

[Adam Carolla]

He picked the wrong Asian.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But other than that, he was spot on with the young Asian chick things.

[Patrick Dempsey]

There's guys pretty normal, Right? That's not so weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree with you. All right, so we'll give it to Liberace on that one now. And that was also, as I remember, scenes from Amal. I remember this is Woody Allen doing an acting gig. That's not a Woody Allen.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah, it was the first one he had done in about 15 years at that point. So I felt like I was pretty hot shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you got Woody Allen in my script, you know, and Bette Midler.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah, well, bet, you know. Yeah, but Woody, particularly in that. Because he didn't do other people's scripts, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That did that. I'm wondering how those two got along.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Okay, okay. But the thing about. About Woody is that the movie didn't really work because, you know, it's about a married couple who had affairs but try to get it together again.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

But you can never believe that Woody would really ever have the hots for bet, because that was sort of like, you know, his Aunt Flo from Brooklyn.

[Adam Carolla]

Especially when you saw who he was banging in his trailer.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Well, we didn't know that. That's extra knowledge. But. But you did know he was with Mia Farrow. You knew he was with Diane Keaton.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

And so, you know, it didn't make it work. He wasn't the first. He wasn't what we really wanted when we wrote the movie, really. That was Disney's kind of ego choice for us, for Mazursky and me. What happened was we had originally. Yeah, we had originally wanted to do it somewhat more straight. The script was a little more straight.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

And we wanted, you know, a more straight leading man.

[Adam Carolla]

What did Woody Allen in the movie? Because I think I've only seen bits and pieces of it. I never. I don't think I actually saw the entire movie. I remember him dragging around a surfboard through a mall.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Right. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What mall did you shoot that in, by the way?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Two different ones. And it's a funny story because they shot it back east because Woody, he was so arrogant in those days, it was beyond belief. And he hated L. A. It was really written for the Beverly center, which was rather newer then, but he didn't want to come out here and shoot it in the Beverly Center. So they had to build a set of. Similar to the Beverly center in Astoria, Queens. Cross of Fortune. Yeah. On a soundstage. So you'd go in there and you say, oh, I'm in the Beverly Center. Why didn't they shoot this, the Beverly Center?

[Adam Carolla]

It looked like you didn't want to come out here. Yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

What an arrogant. Anyway, but then he did come out for three days. He deigned to come out for three days, and they shot three days of exteriors in the Hollywood Hills, which was their house.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he not a nice guy in your recollection? He's not.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, you know, I shouldn't say.

[Adam Carolla]

That because you can say that.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I can say that. You know, that was your experience. It's on the Internet with only 12 million people online. It's, you know, it's. Come on. A guy who runs an Internet company, which I do now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I know that every Pajamas, media.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah. Every damn thing you say.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how about ricochets into the universe? How about this? Because I run into this a fair amount. Can't you at least give your experience with the person? You know what I mean? Yeah. Where you don't go, woody Allen is a bad person. You go, I've only had one interaction with Woody Allen. It was this movie, and he was a douchebag. I don't know if he's a douchebag when he gets home. I don't know if karmically is a douchebag. I don't know how he treats his neighbors and his friends. For my interaction with him. This is who he was.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I'll tell you another interesting thing about my interaction with him, which was he never cracked a joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Never.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, and never socialized on a relaxed way with members of the crew. Now, I've dealt with a lot of movie stars in my life, or a. A number. You know, a lot of them are arrogant pricks, because we know this. On the other hand, most of them joke around with the crew or, you know, try to be. He never tried that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You will find. I find. But you can tell me what your experience is. I find that most guys, most the actors try to joke it up with the crew and sort of feel like they're regular people with the crew. And then sometimes they'll be dicky to the producers or to the suits, in other words. But when it comes to the guys working the camera, even at the level I'm at, I feel compelled to be a regular guy in front of the regular guys. And then when the producers come around, you can be a douchebag.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Absolutely. Except, you know, there was one only. Most people want to be with the working people. They want to be a nice guy. There was only one person I ever worked with who wasn't like that, who was terrible to the working people. And believe it or not, it was Cecily Tyson, the actress.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe it.

[Patrick Dempsey]

She was like a bitch to everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, including to me.

[Patrick Dempsey]

She fired me.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah. But I got rehired on. On Bustin Loose. Richard Pryor movie. Yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Pryor was great to people. Pryor was an unbelievably great guy, as.

[Adam Carolla]

High as a kite. I Mean, to be honest.

[Patrick Dempsey]

But when he was high, he was still not nice to you.

[Adam Carolla]

I think your phone's blowing up. By the way, I've gone on this rant many times. Vibrate is not silent. It's just vibrate. Now you put it under a pillow and you're gonna forget it.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah. You'll have to remember me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Bustin Loose was. Now, do you. Did you write Bustin Loose?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And that was. Oh, 79, 80. Yeah. So you got. You wrote movies, right, that Woody Allen starred in and Richard Pryor starred in.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Richard Dreyfus.

[Adam Carolla]

Richard Dreyfus. And now Dreyfus seems like a cooler guy.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Dreyfus is a very nice guy. I mean, he's terrific to hang out with. Yeah, we have our political disagreements now. I mean, I used to be on the left and I'm north center right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you are, buddy.

[Patrick Dempsey]

But, but, you know, but aside from.

[Adam Carolla]

That, we did a lot. Fine. I'm looking at a Bust and Loose poster right now. That doesn't look like, like the Bustin Loose poster.

[Patrick Dempsey]

There were several different ones.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This one, I thought he was being chased by a clans. That's the big.

[Patrick Dempsey]

That's the famous poster.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the one that was the best.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Scene and all that stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a whole. There was a whole series of movies that Richard Pryor came out in in the late 70s, early 80s. It just should be called Richard Pryor Scared Shitless, where he was just running scared. His mouth would be open and be like, holy.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah. So.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, now what?

[Patrick Dempsey]

That's the one you're thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Patrick Dempsey]

That's not in the wall. My office.

[Adam Carolla]

What? What? Richard, I'm sorry, what Dreyfus movie did you work on?

[Patrick Dempsey]

The Big Fix, which was based on my own Moses wine novel. So he played the character. Yeah. Hippie detective of the period. Lefty, hippie, 60s guy detective.

[Adam Carolla]

And now you got into. And now you've, you've, you've taken your year. So this is, this is a career that spans 30 years in Hollywood. Yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

You know, I don't want to think about it. I'm still young and hard. I'm young in body. I'm fine. I don't think.

[Adam Carolla]

You know. Yeah, you look good. When did the Internet begin for you?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Around 0203. What happened was I had a novel coming out from Simon and Schuster and I could tell they weren't going to promote it. If you've done right, if you've been writing as long as I have, you smell it. Right. And I had been reading Blogs, just for fun. And I, you know, I said, well, I could promote my book by having one of these author websites, but who wants to go. That's like an advertisement. Who's going to go there?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Patrick Dempsey]

I could write this stuff. And I started to write a blog that got more popular than. Got hugely popular very fast because I was going through a political shift from, from being very left to being right on military kind of issues and those kind of. I'm not to the right at all on social issues. I don't care who anybody marries.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, like, I have a very short version of marriage. I decide who I marry. You decide who you marry. End of story. That's it. You can marry a cow. You want to marry a cow? You're the cow. Consenting cows.

[Adam Carolla]

Cool. I got my eye on Soon Yi, by the way.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Well, yeah, that's fine with me.

[Adam Carolla]

Woody ain't gonna make it to 100. She'll be 26 at the time. And she needs self a man.

[Patrick Dempsey]

You want me to say something mean? Yeah, because this is good. She's not that good looking.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Patrick Dempsey]

And I love Asian women. I had a long time Asian girlfriend who was fabulous. I just. They're gorgeous. And he didn't pick one that was like.

[Adam Carolla]

And another thing too is it's hard to up an Asian chick. There's really. They're never fat, they rarely have bad skin, they're never too hairy, they're never too pasty. They don't have weird frizzy Jewish hair. It's like, you really got to work hard to fuck up an Asian chick. But somebody figured it out with Soon Yi. Yeah, I know, it is. It is weird. It is like. It is.

[Patrick Dempsey]

That's the one. He went, well, you know, look, T, I think he got himself in a huge box because I think he did her because she was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, look, why did Clinton do Monica Lewinsky?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? She was there when he moved into the oval office. She was physically under the desk. Yeah, yeah, No, I mean, listen, here's what you, you women don't realize. Like you do a lot of this. Where you go, oh my God, he was cheating with his secretary and she's a pig. And you start factoring in all this stuff, you don't realize. A pig with a vagina, a pig within proximity of your penis. The pig next door, if you will.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody who's nearby and willing. Willing to hold still long enough for you to have sex on top of.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Them and it's over.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's why People like, who's your first girlfriend? My neighbor. Who's your first girlfriend? The girl who sat behind me in history class, who's my stepsister. You know, it's like whoever, who's down the hall, who's in the room?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Well, I think that's part of the Woody Sunni story.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't believe. And maybe there is a rash of this stuff, but these families now that every family is sort of broken and then, you know, everyone has a step this and a step that and a second marriage and a kids from a previous marriage. How the hell could you take a, you know, 14, 13, 14, 15 year old boy, have dad mom get divorced, have dad remarry some nice looking woman who has a 13 year old daughter and then move them into the same roof and say, by the way, I know you guys never met before, but now you're, you're kids, so back off. Like, how long is that gonna work for before the guy takes a trip down the hall?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Or vice versa.

[Adam Carolla]

Or vice versa. Or at least they meet in the middle somewhere. I'm just saying it doesn't get talked about that much. But it must happen all the time.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I have to ask my shrink about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was more. I mean, back in the day it was more about your cousin, but now that everything is broken up, I think it's more about.

[Patrick Dempsey]

And then what are the barriers then? Because with your cousin you got a little barrier because, well, you know, there's blood. Right, sure, but. But there's no blood really here. There's just.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the whole thing. There's a societal stigma, but we don't have stigmas anymore. You get to do whatever you want.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And ain't no big deal. You know, you can go to rehab and Dr. Drew can film it and it's no big deal. So now that we.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Then you can go play the masters again.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Now that we've removed all of the stigma attached to all this stuff and you've removed the blood part, why not bang your stepsister? You can't provide an answer for that, can you? No, I can't. Maybe we're coming around to Woodyside on this whole thing.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Well, I might.

[Adam Carolla]

So our big beef is not that he's banging his adopted daughter, is that she's a four and a half. That's your beef with what he has?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Major. And the other thing is he wasn't very nice to other people.

[Adam Carolla]

That too, yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, look, you're a fun guy. Here I come into your place, I never met you. Before you're horsing around with me. I like you fine. That's as it should be.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean that's life. Life is short. Any, you know, have some fun, but just. No, Woody is not like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the thing. And I feel that there's a lot of, A lot of people apologize for the Woody Allen's of the world. And there's a lot of guys that are like that. They say they make two apologies for these types of guys. They say he's miserable. You don't know how miserable he is. He's secretly miserable, full of angst and self doubt and you don't know. So. So when you're saying what a douchebag the guy is, they're saying, you know what though? He's really miserable. That doesn't lessen his douchebag blow to me. It still makes him a douchebag. Now I'm happy he's miserable, don't get me wrong. Because he's a douchebag. But it still doesn't give him license to be a douchebag. So for all you people who apologize for these douchebags by explaining how they're really conflicted and really miserable and really just filled with worms and maggots and it's true. Stop making apologies for them. It's still. I don't care how you feel about yourself. It doesn't give you license to be a prick to the ad or the cameraman or Bette Midler or whoever. No, that number one. Number two, I don't buy the. He's a genius. He's allowed to be a dick. A lot of people do this. A lot of people. Oh well, yeah, but he's so funny. He's allowed to be a douchebag. No, he's not.

[Patrick Dempsey]

And the other thing is, he's not so funny anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the point. I've seen his last 26 movies. Not Allowed to be that funny. I had to be that big a dick.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yes, it's a curve going downwards.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I agree. Look, just because you're a great athlete or a great writer, or a great comedian or great actor, great anything doesn't give you any license at all to be a douchebag to any other human on the planet.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Totally agree, totally agree.

[Adam Carolla]

And as a matter of fact, you're so smart, you're so talented and you're so rich. I'll go the opposite and say you should be a little bit nicer than your average guy because you have so much going.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I actually totally Agree with that. But let's go back to the Internet thing here for a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Okay. So I got on there and blogging about my political change. This is a post 911 thing. And I found out there were a lot of people. The reason my blog got very popular is there were a lot of people had the same kind of. A lot of people who had been on the left all the time. And all of a sudden they took Islamic terrorism seriously because they realized it was an ideology. It wasn't just like, you know, people angry at the World Trade center, people angry at rich people. These were a lot of people who really believed the whole world should be Islamic.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

And that was a scary thing. So, you know, it changed the views of a lot of people. So that. What happened was then this thing got very popular and. And I always had thousands of people reading my blog. And I wasn't making any money from this. I was, you know. So I said to some other popular bloggers that I got to know, let's start this company and try to turn it into a real media company. And it was. That's how it became Pajamas Media. And now it's PGA tv. We have our own TV studio down in El Segundo, and I don't have.

[Adam Carolla]

Any sleep politically, how did your friends in Hollywood perceive your sort of shift from the left toward the right?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Because how do you feel about lepers now?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the same. Well, there's a couple things that drive me nuts about this town. And people are such chickenshit hypocrites in this town for some reason. I've said this many times. I'm perceived as a right winger because I have certain thoughts about national security and terrorism. And I don't just go along with everyone when someone says, you know what? We're creating more terrorists by being over there. Really? How the fuck do you know? You have no fucking idea, Number one. Number two, last I checked, taking out guys in SUVs with predator drones does not create more terrorists. It's killing terrorists. So I'm not a. I'm not signing off on the we're creating more terrorists part. I'm not saying I know the answer. I sure as fuck no. You don't know the answer, so shut up, number one. Number two, I'm not. I'm not going to shed a tear for the waterboarding get mo thing when there's no deaths and they've done it on three guys and no one gives a shit. And by the way, simulated torture is not torture. I've Said people many times. Haven't you seen the action movies where the hero, like Schwarzenegger takes the guy and he grabs him by the ankles and he hangs him off the balcony on the 35th floor and he says, where's my daughter? And the guy says, where the daughter is? And then he pulls him back up and sets him on the balcony. Is that torture? No, he just got the fucking information. And by the way, torture doesn't get information. How the fuck do you know what torture gets? I'm guessing it does get information out of people.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Sometimes it does.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they're not doing it because they like to torture people.

[Patrick Dempsey]

You know how Saddam Hussein was successful as a dictator? Everybody who disagreed with him, they had a very simple procedure. They cut their tongues out.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course, he was an animal. He needed to be killed. His kids needed to be killed. And I don't give a shit about, you know, people do the, oh, what gives you the right? This and that and the other. Saddam Hussein needed to be put in the ground, and Uday and Koussay needed to be put in the ground. And I wish we'd just sent over, you know, Tom Barringer with a sniper rifle from the 80s and had him do it, but either way, those three guys are dead now, and that's a good thing for the world. And this whole waterboarding doesn't work and torture doesn't work and fences don't keep people out and Guantanamo Bay is filled with innocent cab drivers from Tikrit. Shut the fuck up.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Except when they're allowed to go back to Yemen and start killing us all over again.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole whole point is Hollywood people are fucking arrogant. When the whole AIDS thing came out, there was a whole bunch of those retards that had an angle on hiv, doesn't turn into aids, and here's how you get it. And blah, blah, blah. You assholes don't know shit. You're actors that you barely know how to do that. Just shut the fuck up. When it comes to what's going on in Guantanamo Bay, you don't know shit. Let the professionals handle it. And that's the way I feel. I don't love every aspect of our government, but I would like to stand behind them and let them do. And let the military do the best job they think they can do in terms of eradicating terrorists. And your thought, and this is where the real. This is where the disconnect comes. Your thought, which is if we just leave them alone, they'll like us. And if they like us, they won't want to blow us up is retarded in theory.

[Patrick Dempsey]

They history.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean they are playing out of a specific, specific ideology that says the entire world should be Islamic. It's in their holy book.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Holy book is dictated by God according to them, therefore they believe it. That's what these Hollywood people, what screws them up is most of them are like, I'm pretty atheistical guy and I think you are too. Yes, but so it's hard for some. And most Hollywood people are, as we know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

It's hard for them to wrap their heads around that. These people actually could have a serious religious belief that the whole world should be Islamic. They think they're kidding. They don't really believe that because we all, we all know that stuff is just old fashioned mumbo jumbo. No one believes it. And around Hollywood, no one does believe stuff like that. But these people do believe it and they don't want to. So they can't put their mind in that. Oh, they don't really mean the whole world should be Islamic. Yes, they do.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's two things they don't. There's that and they don't really understand evil. They think that evil needs to be motivated, that somehow somebody with blue eyes has to get in the middle and start it. And that's when evil comes about.

[Patrick Dempsey]

He's a poor person, right. This guy was poor, therefore he got angry and we shouldn't. If we made him rich, he'd be okay, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Rich. And we made him care about his kids. He wouldn't do that. No, there is evil out there. And there's this religious ideology that says. And there's also. I don't believe, you know, they do that. Well, it's just a very small percentage of radical whatever. I think it's a much larger percentage than people. No, if this is your religion, your religion, the tenets of your religion basically dictate that this is going to be the religion for the planet or of the planet. It doesn't say oh, welcome the Jews and welcome the Christians. It doesn't do that. And the whole thing about Israel is basic anti Semitism. They don't like Jews. It's not really about extermination. It's about exterminating the Jews. It's not about the plot of land that the Jews are on. It's about getting rid of the Jews that are on the land, the land that's under the Jews. And they won't accept that either.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah, well our government is horrible about that right now. Our Government on Israel today is. I mean, this whole thing about the negotiations with the Palestinians. The Palestinians could have had a state 30 years ago if they wanted one. Everybody, all the Israelis, were ready to give them a state in return for peace. In fact, in the last negotiation, it was agreed there was 97% of the land would get returned to the Palestinian. Now, at the point of 90, if you got in a negotiation. This is a real Hollywood question. If you were in a negotiation with Warner Brothers and they gave you 97% of what you wanted, would you start an intifada? Or would you either a take the deal. 97% ain't bad. Or, you know, tell your lawyer I'll take the deal with 98%.

[Adam Carolla]

I wouldn't wage a holy war on Paramount.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Over 3%?

[Adam Carolla]

Over 3%. No, look, I've said it a million times. This is a region of the world that likes to fight. There's regions of the world that don't like to fight. And those. The reason, you know, those regions is there's never any wars breaking out in that part of the world. And then there's regions of the world where they like to fight. These people like to fight. They like to kill. They hate Jews and they like to kill Jews. End of discussion. So you can give them whatever it is you want, but that's not really what. That's not the topic. That's not the underlying problem. So you get up in your head and you go, I don't understand. We're giving them everything they want. Why are they still killing us? Because that's really what they want to do. They say they're doing it for this reason, but they're not doing it for this reason. They want the whole thing.

[Patrick Dempsey]

They want all that land. They want the Jews gone, and that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

If the Jews moved to Baja, they would go, follow them there and kill them. Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

It would be more inconvenient for them.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd involve a plane ride or a boat ride, but either way, they're into killing Jews. This is about anti Semitism. That's all this is. Why don't we just call it that? I don't understand. Why can't we call it.

[Patrick Dempsey]

That's Barack Obama.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And who's really. When you take that part of the world, when you take that region of the world, you really think the Jews are the troublemakers in that group? Really? Aren't they just the people that sort of. All they want is a little bit of piece of the pie and they'll quietly go off and do their own thing, really, forever.

[Patrick Dempsey]

What they knew. They want to have a country where a lot of people can, you know, get rich, which is what the United States is at its best.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

This is a country where a lot of people can live. Live out their ambitions. I mean, we're getting screwed up lately with a lot of stuff, Right? But that's what it is. That's why this country was successful. And the founders were really great guys. They figured it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Give people equal laws and let them free. And now we're screwed up.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, we screwed up something. That was fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It was so simple. I. I had this idea, by the way, getting back to Getmo. I've been working on a book myself. And in that book, if I was a guard at Guantanamo Bay, I would go out to where the little prayer patio is because they have an arrow that points toward Mecca. And I would, at night, I would secretly turn it toward Vegas. And that would be my little joke. And every time I saw those guys putting the prayer towel down six times a day and getting down, I realized they'd be facing in the Luxor and not Mecca. And I'd be funny one. And by the way, I don't know, I'd be interested. I got to figure this out. But if you're in, and I don't know if I'll ever get to the bottom of this, but if you're at Guantanamo Bay, if you're in Cuba, right, and they got the arrow that faces north or wherever Mecca is, and they got an arrow, I bet it passes through some shitty places before it gets to Mecca. Like, I mean, I gotta figure out you might be going through like Honduras or something before you get there. I haven't really worked out which direction Mecca is, but I bet you pass through a lot of shit bowls and maybe a couple of brothels and stuff before you get to actual Mecca. And here's the thing. I'm with you. We're way too lenient and way too respectful of everyone and their horrible religions. The deal is this. Here's my world order, and it takes a village. Now, as Hillary said, and now that everyone. Now that the Internet's on and satellite's on and anyone can get anywhere in 10 or 12 hours. It's now a world. It's no longer like World War II. Well, they're fighting over there and we're over here. It's just. It's all one big world. Here's the deal. You play nice. You play nice with your neighbors. You play Nice with us, you play nice with each other and everything's cool. If not, we get together and we fire UPS and Predator drones and we take you out. That's it. It's pretty easy. Just play nice. Don't oppress your people. Don't put people in burlap sacks and throw them off of buildings. Don't rape people, don't torture people, and everything's cool. Or you start with the ethnic cleansing and we fire up the Predator drones. That's it. That's where I'm at now. Is there a problem with that?

[Patrick Dempsey]

I don't have it.

[Adam Carolla]

Why can't we get the rest of the world just to do that?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Of course, we got Iran on our hands now.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Patrick Dempsey]

So that's the worst of it all. By the way, speaking of Guantanamo, we've been working on something. I'll leak out here for Pajamas Media and pjtv in the back. And, you know, you might want to come on and have some fun with us on this. On the TV side, we've got a list of the 400 lawyers, American lawyers, who represented the Guantanamo inmates.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah. And they did a lot of bad shit. I mean, including one of the things that's been reported so far but in Wall Street Journal was this woman from this law firm called Paul Weiss used it as an opportunity to give everybody all these terrorist literature, anti American literature about how bad the United States was, so they could distribute it to all the inmates. And then eventually, if they got it out, got out, you know, distributed it in Afghanistan.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

So in other words, they didn't. These lawyers were not just doing the let's defend everybody gets a defense thing, which is cool. They were doing propaganda for the enemy in Guantanamo coming from Washington now, it's sick, right? So we want to publicize the hell out of this, but we're going to. And we're going to do it in an Internet way, which is we're going to list all these people and ask everybody out there what they know about these various lawyers and what their doings are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, that's what we can do now. I mean, that's. You can really stir the pot in ways that the old media couldn't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. There's no way to get at all these people and share this information back and forth.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, you just have to read the New York Times and oh, that's Will. When I was a kid, I grew up in New York. My assumption was the New York. What the New York Times said was, guys, possible it's in the New York Times. It has to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, from. From what the President said, whether to. Whether it was a good play or a good movie. If the New York Times gave a good review, you say, oh, well, it has to be this. New York Times says so.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

But of course, it's all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm guessing they weren't kind to bust and loose.

[Patrick Dempsey]

But anyway, that. That kind of movie was not an art film. So it did a lot. But no, I. Listen, I got a good review. Listen, I got good reviews for all my books in the New York Times until I wrote Blacklisting Myself, the memoir about my political change. And they didn't review it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, listen, on a much smaller and not exactly political note, but sort of political note, I had a movie that didn't get accepted to Sundance because the guy essentially didn't like the man show and he thought it was misogynist. It was a show I did for Comedy Central, and he didn't like, you know, my politics. Not my politics as it pertained to Guantanamo Bay, but more as it pertained to the ladies. He bought into this caricature from television and said, not a fan, therefore, you're not welcome. Indoor film festival. And I had a. Had a review of a movie I did that called it racist and sexist when it didn't have any of that in it. It was just based on their perception of me. And it's interesting that you're allowed to review a piece of work, whether it's literature or film or what have you, and you just, by the way, just work in your personal feelings toward the author or the creator or the actor, and then review it based on that. Like, as if you're going to review a restaurant and you go in and eat the rest. You go in and eat the food, and the food's great and everyone loves the food.

[Patrick Dempsey]

But you're a racist.

[Adam Carolla]

You think the owner's a dick, so you just go, the food's horrible. I, by the way, would gladly accept a review that said, I think the owner of the restaurant's a dick, but I have to admit, he makes a pretty good Italian food.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Dempsey]

But I think we're in the era now where everybody gets to be called a racist. Yes, I was a civil rights worker, so I was really like, theoretically, I should never be called a racist. Hell, I was in the civil rights movement. I was in the south, all that shit. But, you know, everybody's now being called a racist. Hey, you're a racist. Obama comes in we were supposed to be in a post racial society. But if anybody criticizes Obama, they're racist, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Of course. By the way, they have done with racists what England has done with the word cunt, which is. They've used it way too much and it doesn't mean anything anymore. I mean, 10 years ago, if you were called a racist then it was. Now everybody on Fox News is a racist and everybody who leans just a little bit to the right is a racist. And everyone who has a problem with Barack's health care agenda is a racist. You know what I mean? So they fucked out racist, just like I said. And I tell people from England all the time, you calling everyone cunt all the time has not served you well. We save our cunts for special occasions and use them very effectively over here in the States. You just calling all your barmaids cunts all the time and everyone a cunt. Everybody you work with a cunt. It's no good anymore. You've fucked out cunt. You've not used it properly. We save, like I said, we save our.

[Patrick Dempsey]

That's one place where we use the language better than they do. They use the language better than we do a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, in the cunt department we do have that.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I wonder why that happened. Maybe a lot of time spent in pubs.

[Adam Carolla]

Should we try to take a phone call?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I think your headphones are behind you.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Which one do I grab? This one?

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever's closest.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Either one is. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, whatever's closest should work. Talk to Kevin on line one. Hey, Kevin. Yeah, what's going on? Kevin? Oh, is this Adam? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, how's it going? Good. Say hi to Roger. Simon. Cool. Hey, I had a question for you. I've never really heard you talk too much about it, about building inspectors. I wondering if any of them in all your construction projects have ever just. Have ever just what? What was that? Have ever just what ever Just changed their, you know, made up codes, decided to take the code into their own hands, so to speak, and, and you know, change stuff mid project or say, oh, no, no, you got to do this, you got to do that. Oh yeah. I've been fucked over 20 times a Sunday on this, on these, with these guys. And it sort of speaks to. I'll put you on hold, but I'll bring it up with Roger. It kind of speaks to where we were at at one point in this great country of ours and where we're at now. I've had it happen, building inspectors. And just, just in general, I mean, if you. If you were looking for what's wrong with this country and why we're going down the wrong path and what has happened to this country, and it just a sort of microcosm. You can look at building in the city of Los Angeles. They have so many environmental impact reports, so many soils reports, so many codes, so many deputy inspectors. So it's physically impossible to do it anymore. I've. And thus that industry starting to dry up. Suzanne Summers was on this show a couple months back. I said, suzanne, I saw on the news your house in Malibu burnt down, right on pch. She said, yeah, jump the highway, burned my house to the ground. I said, geez, you know, how many years were you there? She was there for 20 years or something like that. I said, well, it's been a few years. Have you rebuilt? She just looked at me and said, now. I said, why not? You love Malibu. You've lived there for, you know, probably lived there for the last 40 years. She said, coastal commissions, permits, forget.

[Patrick Dempsey]

By the way, last night, apropos, weirdly, someone showed me this documentary, I don't know if you've seen it yet, called Sins of Commission. It's very good. It's about the Coastal Commission, and boy, does it make steam come out of your ears. I mean, it was made in 08. I guess it didn't get wide distribution, but it's great. We're going to try to distribute it on pjtv. Be.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Patrick Dempsey]

It's really fabulous and it's spooky. I mean, the power of the Coastal Commission. Actually, the Coastal Commission, which started out as just a band that like. Of. I don't know what it was, you know, 500 yards from the coast. Protecting it right now protects everything for five miles inland, right? And so nobody can do anything. Freeze. Suzanne Summers is right.

[Adam Carolla]

She can't rebuild her house in Malibu.

[Patrick Dempsey]

And there are a bunch of dictators.

[Adam Carolla]

Forget about taters. Just go with the dicks part. And I've had many situations and stories I've told before, but I'll tell you a few, just good, basic ones, which is, you know, you build something, you build something. Now you have to hire. If there's some welding going on, you have to hire a deputy inspector. It's a fat Mexican guy, sits in his car and eats, and you pay him $100 an hour and he watches the guy weld. Not for the whole eight hours, he watches for about an hour and a half and then he leaves. But the paperwork you get from him cost you $1200 and says he was there for eight hours. When the deputy inspector. You're done paying 13, 12. $1300 for doing nothing, sitting in a Silverado and eating a breakfast burrito. When you're done paying that guy 1300 bucks, you have to have another guy come by. And this guy has to like Magnaflux, the welts. He essentially takes the goo that they put on your wife's belly when she's pregnant and runs the spectrometer across it to actually check for imperfections in the weld. You have to pay that guy another $1300. Now, why I have to pay the first guy the $1,300 to sit in a Silverado and watch the guy weld when the next guy's coming along and magnaflux the welds or do whatever he's going to do to the welds. Welds is beyond me. Why do we need the first guy if we're going to X ray the welds? The secondly. But you pay that guy. Now, I had a guy show up at my house, a building inspector, and he said, this new structure needs fire sprinklers. And I said, no, it doesn't need fire sprinklers. No one ever said it needed fire sprinklers. I went all the way through plan check and permits and all that. There's nothing about sprinklers in here. And he said, well, it needs sprinklers. And I said, I really. I don't. I don't think it does. And no one ever said it needed it. And it's not in the plans. And he said, I need it. I need sprinklers in this building. So I got an engineer out there, and he had.

[Patrick Dempsey]

He's allowed to do that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's perfectly allowed to do that. He makes 50 grand a year, and I pay more in taxes each month than he makes in a year. But he's allowed to come to my. Onto my property and tell me what I'm doing.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Maybe that's why he does it, too. He's like a little.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a little something to make up.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So he comes in, he says, you need sprinklers. So I have to get an engineer in there, and he has to draw it out, and I have to deal with a sprinkler company, and he's got to do this, and he's got to make plans, and he's got to take measurements. He's got to figure out volume, and he's got to figure out where to get the water source and blah, blah, blah. And thousand bucks later worth of just trips to my house and drawing stuff out. He goes down to the city and he's going to get his sprinkler plans checked off now. And the guy behind the counter says, hey man, you don't need sprinklers. It's written, it's checked off right on your plans, right there. And then when the inspector comes back, the inspector says, what do you know? But I still have to pay the guy the thousand dollars who drew up the plans and went down to the city and took the measurements and did. I can't stiff that guy. Why should he be a victim of this asshole who told me I needed sprinklers?

[Patrick Dempsey]

We're living in a state where I think the unemployment is. The known unemployment is 12 and a half percent.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Patrick Dempsey]

So, like, if you. If you did the right thing, which was kick all these people out of their jobs because it's just pure. It's pure feather bedding. It's nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Of course we'd have 18% unemployment. I mean, we're in an insane situation right now.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. And I love, you know, I love all their, you know, this we're an earthquake country bullshit. Because I always ask them, what country is the house from 1929 sitting next to this bunker I'm building? What house? What year was that built in? And where was it built? In Iowa? Has it not been in earthquake country for the last 80 years? And why is it still standing? So don't give me that fucking earthquake country bullshit. They do they non stop with the digging and the caissons and the grade beams and the. Well, this, the. You know, technically you could use number four steel, but we're going to go with number six rebar. Why? Because we're an earthquake country. Well, let me tell you, go drive through Pasadena and see all the Craftsman houses built in the teens. Where are they? Earthquake fucking country. Is there any sheer wall in those houses? No. Are they bolted to the foundation? No. Is there any strapping in the house? No. Do they have caissons and grade beams and steel cages? No, no and no. They're still fucking standing, are they not? Right in the middle of earthquake country. So shut the fuck up with earthquake country all the time. Drive me nuts.

[Patrick Dempsey]

You can't live in a house and.

[Adam Carolla]

It costs millions of dollars to build a fucking patio in this city.

[Patrick Dempsey]

You know, it's supposed to be smarter to build in the hills.

[Adam Carolla]

There's soils and grading.

[Patrick Dempsey]

No, no, no. All that bullshit of Course goes on, but you know, because the hills don't get the earthquakes as badly.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't give a shit. It's earthquake country.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

They're all earthquake country. It's nuts. You know what happens? Couple cement structures pancake on each other and a couple of freeway overpasses. There's a three foot span and some guy, poor motorcycle cop rides off it. That's about, that's what happens in an earthquake. We're not fucking Guatemala. I don't. Obviously this is a huge business and with all the deputy inspectors and all these other cottage industries that are popped up around all this and it's too much money. I can't tell you the number of people that have attempted to start to build something and then went, nah, fuck it. Jay Leno was going to build a super garage on his house and he said he got about 50 grand into permits and plans and this and that and the other. And he just went, you know what? Fuck it. That's your business. It's the same thing they do with filming here. People want to film something here and they start to look into filming something in town. They go, fuck it, I'm going to Canada. I'm going to Prague. I'm going to New Mexico.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Anywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, you guys, you assholes have successfully legislated yourself right out of business.

[Patrick Dempsey]

You know who's the bastard behind it all is Henry Waxman. Supposedly the great defender of our, you know, Hollywood and Berman and those guys have sat on it while they've ruined this place. Villa Ragosa, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Those idiots. Well, let's listen. Villa Retardo Waxman, what percentage of movies were shot in this, in this city 10 years ago versus under your retarded regime? You want to do that math, you idiots? You want to know what 25% of zero is? It's fucking zero. So why don't you lower it a little bit and have, and bring some revenue back to your city. And by the way, is your plan working out? Waxman and Viragosa were bankrupt. There's, there's, there's sofas dumped on air in every dirt lot and, and there's every, every freeway sign is tagged. How well? And your schools are unusable. How great is your utopia working out? How great is your plan?

[Patrick Dempsey]

They want to make everything part of the government.

[Adam Carolla]

But when do we throw these assholes out of office? Well, maybe LA Unified School District is unusable.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

So what's, what are you doing? And why are people fucking tossing you.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Out and nobody you know no one can afford private school and no one.

[Adam Carolla]

Wants to send right back to race. No one can talk about this racist Villa Rugosa, sorry, Tony Volar, his real name. No one can talk about the mayor of Los Angeles with anything but reverence in their voice because they don't want to be called a racist. The guy's name is Tony Villar. He changed his name to get the Hispanic votes. Then he cheated on his fucking wife. He said it was an homage to his wife, that he changed his name. Who the fuck changes her name out of college? Who changes their name? What kind of retarded chameleon changes her name from Tony Valar to Antonio Villaragosa when they're 25 fucking years old? Unless they have an agenda. Of course he has an agenda. He's a sociopath. He's ruining this city. And so is Waxman, so is Maxine Waters. So the rest of these retards, of course, was it better before you got here, or now? This is real simple question.

[Patrick Dempsey]

2010 is going to be a big election.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, if that idiot becomes governor, I'm moving to fucking Canada. Because he's a hack and he. And he's an idiot. Obviously, he didn't pass the bar four goddamn times. Four fucking times. That's how dumb this guy is. Smart enough to change his name to Tony via Antonio Villaragosa to go ahead and get the Hispanic vote. Not fucking smart enough to pass the goddamn bar. Listen, I got put on academic probation at La Valley College. I'm sure by the fourth time I took the bar, I could fucking pass. This guy's obviously an idiot. He's an imbecile. Who the fuck. Who can't pass the bar the fourth time and who tries to take it four times? That's really why he's an idiot. The fact that he didn't pass it the first three times and didn't realize he was semi retarded. I don't know if he got dropped on his head. I don't know what his problem is, but he's an idiot and he shouldn't be elected to anything. And listen, you Hispanics who think you're doing yourself a favor by just getting a guy who looks like you in office when he's fucking up your city, that's not a great plan.

[Patrick Dempsey]

No, it's a stupid plan.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I mean, one of the worst things about America is we got blacks voting for blacks, Jews voting for Jews, Hispanics voting for Hispanics. That is brain dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course it is. And by the way, that's racism. That's racism, idiots.

[Patrick Dempsey]

The minute you call yourself a hyphenated American, you're a racist.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you very much, Roger. I know time is tight. You have to roll. I have many other building inspector stories to tell. Many, many others.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I did some construction in the state of Washington. It's a little better up there, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I have friends who live in Texas, and it's like you get to build whatever you want whenever you want.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I was just down there.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they having a prom over there in Texas? Is everything falling down?

[Patrick Dempsey]

No, it's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, they're in tornado country. Come on. Now.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Texas is a terrific place. You know, I was down there because I got invited to shoot pistols with Governor Perry. Well, listen, and it was the most fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't we do some kind of exchange program where we send Villaragosa and Waxman and Maxine Waters out to Texas and let them ruin Texas for a little while and we get some decent fucking politicians who know something about a bottle.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Of Perry as our governor? He's a pretty good guy and he certainly is anti regulation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, thank you, you idiots. Anyway, Pajama Media, pajamasmedia.com or PJ TV is where you go.

[Patrick Dempsey]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

And more of Roger. Roger, I would. I'd be honored to be a guest on your.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Well, we're definitely. We're gonna. We'll put you on PGA TV on the Pollywood show with Lionel. Chat with any.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, while you put me on PJ tv, put me on BJTV as well.

[Patrick Dempsey]

We don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Roger. Roger Simon, everyone. Until next time, this is Adam from Adam Carolla 4. Roger Simon saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, that was Adam Carolla show 284, also from 2010. Coming up next, we have Adam Corolla show 290 featuring the band.

[Adam Carolla]

OK, go. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla show. BETOnline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting, Bet Online provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with BET Online. BETOnline. The game starts here. Mandate. Get it on. I want to welcome the band. Ok. Go to the studio. It's good to meet you guys.

[Giovanni]

Nice to meet you.

[Adam Carolla]

We're meeting, right?

[Giovanni]

I think we met once before a Loveline meeting. Yeah, I was on the line, but I don't guess you guys weren't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I wasn't there. Dan, Damien and Tim are all here from the band. So. Wait, so we met Damien on Loveline. Was it an okay go meeting?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, good. Sorry to sound like a dick. I'm really like a whore that got too many times and I can't remember like a john from my boyfriend or husband. Now what year do you reckon you did Loveline?

[Giovanni]

Oh boy. It was four or five years ago, something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I left four or five years ago.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I mean it was right before you left, I think. Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So I didn't get under that deadline. You guys are going to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. We will be by the way in Thousand Oaks Friday night doing our live show in Ontario following Wednesday. So if you want to come check that out. I'm guessing you've done Kimmel's show a few times.

[Giovanni]

We have psyched to be doing it again tonight though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You guys inside or outside?

[Giovanni]

We're outside, provided that the weather permits. But it looks like it's going to clear up by evening Outside.

[Adam Carolla]

Always a good tip of the cap to the band. You know, it always means they don't really say it, I'm guessing for the bands that play inside. But when they give you the outdoor stage they feel like you can fill the place up just a little bit. So again, tip of the cap to the band. So how did you guys get started? When did you come out here and how did it all work?

[Giovanni]

Tim, this is Damian, the singer. And Tim and I met at summer camp when he was 11 and I was was 12 and he grew up in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I grew up in Washington D.C. and we were long distance pals for years and years before. Well, you guys started a band. Tim and Dan and our original guitarist Andy started a band in Chicago while they were in college. And after college in 1998, I moved to Chicago and joined them.

[Adam Carolla]

And now how do you. How far away what came was it, by the way?

[Giovanni]

Interlaken.

[Adam Carolla]

And how did it. How did it work? Like how far did you travel to go to camp? I'm interested in everyone's childhood.

[Giovanni]

It was about. I'm guessing it was around a thousand miles. I mean I grew up in D.C. and that was in. The camp is in Traverse City, Michigan. It was an arts camp. And my sister had gone because my sister wanted to be a cellist or was a cellist. And. And I just sort of wanted to be like my sister. So I picked up violin, but I was terrible, terrible at it. And I went ostensibly for music and fell in love with visual art. So I tried to get allowed to go for visual art because it's a pan arts camp. My parents were like, no, it's a music camp. If you don't play music, you can't go. So I kept playing violin for years, and I was just awful at it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you can go to space camp without being an astronaut. I mean, they should have backed off a little bit.

[Giovanni]

Well, in the end, I mean, they.

[Adam Carolla]

Just like to watch astronauts. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Eventually I got like a. I got a scholarship to go back for art. And so my parents couldn't tell me no anymore because somebody else was paying.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was like.

[Giovanni]

But graphic art, you know, painting, drawing, sculpture stuff. I mean, it's a camp for arty kids who. You don't have to, like, make a job out of it. You're 12 years old.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's funny because were you talking about Jimmy Kimmel and talking about. Talking about doing a show tonight? And his daughter is an artist and she's going off to college in Chicago. But a few years ago, when I spoke to her, I said, you know, how's it going? Because I'm kind of interested in how you make the leap from, you know, whatever your. Your passion is and whatever your art is to paying your bills, you know, because practically it gets down to that at a certain point. And I was saying to her, I said, well, you know, feel like, you know, you could do a lot of ads and commercials and stuff like that. Like, it definitely. There's a practical application for this art. And she was like, those people are sellouts. Like, wow, you're hardcore. That's easy to say at 15.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. It's easy to. Right. When someone else is selling out for you and keeping the lights on at your house. It's easier, I guess. Yeah, it's easy to. You can point that sellout finger at people when you don't need to sell out and make money. Ultimately, I guess everyone who sells something, it's a sellout, right?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't we all kind of want to be sellouts? And by the way, when is sellout such a bad thing? Like, you guys are playing the Henry Fonda theater coming Up, Right?

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You want to sell it out, right?

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So your sellouts.

[Giovanni]

I think it might sold out. Do you know if it's sold out?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know yet. I don't know. We'll find out. But when we do, it'd be nice. People in a good place. Right. Unless it holds nine people, in which case you're sold out. So you're. You're. You're. You. Eventually you meet Tim at camp, right. And you guys hit it off. Yes. And even though you both go back to your separate towns, you decide to stay in touch.

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we. We talked on the phone a lot.

[Giovanni]

Sent each other mixtapes. You know, it was our. Our file sharing days or manual file sharing days.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And you love music and what. What was on some of those mixtapes, you remember, basically. And would you title them something gay?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, totally gay. I remember spray painting some of them. Do you remember? I'd send you those ones that were like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

I would usually send Tim punk rock from D.C. where I grew up, there's a really, like, super vibrant punk rock scene there. So I'd send him local music, and he would usually send me music from Manchester, England.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was like. I was really into Brit pop in the 90s, like stone roses and Happy Mondays and bands like that. Yeah. And then I remember sending you the Pixies.

[Giovanni]

He sent me the Pixies. Life changing. Life changing album. Do Little by the the Pixies. And I sent you Fugazi.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. That was huge. I remember. I remember the first. No, you could mail Fugazi. I thought it was like, you know, sending, I don't know, like, cash or explosives or something.

[Giovanni]

These days you definitely get put on some kind of, like, federal.

[Adam Carolla]

You put a fugazi watch list if.

[Giovanni]

You sent that today.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember that summer. That first summer at camp License to Ill had come out by the Beastie Boys, and I was. I was definitely a fan, and I was not, and Damian was not. And I remember he was like, I can't believe you like that. You've got to listen to this. And he gave me King of Rock by Run DMC and corrected the error. I was like, oh, yeah? Well, so where, you know, I am attacked by almost everyone, including my wife, when I'm. I'm just like, I don't like the Beastie Boys. And they're like, everyone always yells at me, like, why? We all love the Beastie Boys. And I'm like, I feel like that's what I would do if I wasn't a musician and couldn't do anything. I wouldn't force me to be in a band. That's what I would do. But everyone says I'm wrong. So I think they're really good at me around. They're good at what they do.

[Giovanni]

I think they're really good at what they do. It's not really my thing. There was a period, I went through a period in high school where it was exactly the right, like exactly the right mix of fist pumping and rage at the same time. And it worked. I mean, they are really super good at like they've cornered it. It's just not particularly my thing. And I mean, you've definitely liked it more in your life than I have, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think so.

[Giovanni]

And I remember. I mean, I remember seeing them at maybe it was Lola Palooza or something in the early 90s probably. And they put. I mean they could move 35,000 people and none of the other bands on that stage could. I remember seeing. I actually saw them play. Was it. No, it was with Sonic Youth in a tiny little club like a few years before that. And it's not hard to make 500 people feel like it's a rockin show. But they were fucking spectacular. I mean, they're really, really great at what they do. It's just. Just a, you know, it's kind of a. You have to like that thing, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw them on the License to Ill tour and there was, you know, they had things like naked women dancing in cages and like our show. Yeah, right. Like inflatable penises came out of the stage. I was in fifth grade. Wow. And I did a lot of theater as a kid in.

[Giovanni]

You talked to him a lot about anatomy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I did junior civic theater. And there was a kid who was like. Like 17 and he was supposed to take his little brother to go see the Beastie Boys. But his little brother got grounded. So he had extra tickets and he asked me if I wanted to go. So I brought him back to my house and introduced him. My parents had never met him. And the way I think I convinced my parents to actually let him take me was I was like, there are three Jewish guys from New York who rap and I'm Jewish, you know. And they were just like. And they're like, fantastic. Yeah, go forth. You know. And so I went as if as a. I must have been 11, probably right before I met you. I'd like to make a coffee table book of just sort of inappropriate things people did at a certain Age. Like, my dad took me to see the Steve McQueen movie Pepillon when I was, like, seven. And there are people being beheaded. And, guys, there's some weird homoerotics scenes to take place in a prison hospital. And it's. It is people. People with leprosy. Like, it was. It was really fucked up. Have you seen.

[Giovanni]

There's. There's kids, like, who must be, like, 8 or 9 years old, doing Scarface as a. As a school play. It went up on the Internet yesterday. It's been viewed, like, 2 million times already. It's, like, hugely viral. And it's really. It's. It's really fucked up. I mean, it's funny at first, but you actually. It's these, like, little kids, like, looking at each other, being like, you just do coke and you fudge all the whores. Like, they say fudge. They change all the fucks to fudge and bitch to be. But, like, it's. It's. You know, it's the end scene where it's like, you know, where he's like, say hello to my little friend. You know, so they just kill each other. I mean, it's just these little kids. Like, it's really stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

It's horrible. I don't know. But, like, I'm sure when I was that age, I was playing army man and shooting people. So now they're shooting people over drugs, and I was shooting them over land.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, but you were playing violins. And their teachers are actually inviting them to. Like, they're like, this is art.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm wondering. I'm just wondering, like, if it's just officially game on. Like, if there's no way to protect our kids from the environment and what passes through their ears or their eyeballs. So now it's just a man. We have to manage it now. Like. Like, you're. You're gonna see this. You're gonna see death, you're gonna see nudity. You're gonna see everything. Like, I don't. I don't know how to do a school play.

[Giovanni]

Them.

[Adam Carolla]

Did I ever do a school play. Yeah, I think we did another Oliver Stone movie. I'm trying to think what it was. Oh, we did. We. We did what? We did the one about Vietnam. No, I'm just kidding. We did Platoon.

[Giovanni]

Barbara Zadagio is playing while you guys all died.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we did. I wasn't. I was. I was horrible because I. I mean, sort of the arts now, but the whole time I grew up, I was like, that stuff's for fags. Like, I Didn't want any part of any of that stuff. When I was a kid, the, I.

[Giovanni]

Mean, the, the reason I asked, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Was a little bit, by the way, that's how we would say it back then, actually gay.

[Giovanni]

But I was like, I was only in one school play. This is a horrible actor. But I do remember the feeling of being in the school. Like, you get, you're like super excited about you're inhabiting this thing. You're like, I was supposed to be an Arab prince, I think, but I don't think. I mean, I was certainly watching those movies when I was a 10 or 12 year old. I mean, you couldn't stop a kid in the 80s, you certainly can't stop them now. But it's a question of whether or not it's like, it's like, hey, let's all, let's all celebrate being like, why don't everybody, everybody in the classroom, let's kill each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yay. Yeah, I agree. Like, there's a difference between what you come across and serve for sort of officially sanctioned stuff. Like, I used to be friends and there's a guy named Shelby Coffee, and he used to be the. He lives in D.C. now, but he used to be the editor of the Los Angeles Times and I used to be his boxing trainer. And it was funny because he's this really educated guy who was editor in chief of the Los Angeles Times and I was making $25 a class teaching boxing, but he liked me and I liked him. So we go out to lunch, you know, and we talk. And I didn't know anything about politics or anything, but I would say, I'd say to him, what's wrong with, with pot being legal or what's wrong with prostitution being legal? Like, what's the deal? And he really provided. He wasn't an uptight guy or anything, but he's the only one ever, like, provided a sort of satisfactory answer in that he said, it's not really that pot's bad or that prostitution is bad. The point is, as a society, what do you want to be known by or condone or stand by? Like, as a society, do we want to go, okay, it's fine for people that ingest these drugs and then pay a woman for sex. Like, I'm still okay with it. But his answer was sort of satisfied.

[Giovanni]

Me a little bit. See what I would say about that, though, I think, I mean, I think that we should legalize pot. And I think so, because they.

[Adam Carolla]

I do too, don't get me wrong.

[Giovanni]

Because mostly I Think, you know, we could manage the problems of it better. And also you would stop having the thing like kids are way. Like we make more alcoholics in our country by telling kids not to drink because it's such a big. It's how you prove you're an adult is to go get totally fucked up all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Giovanni]

And the thing is, what's different about killing each other is I don't, for the most part, people don't prove they're adults by being like, hey, let's all go shoot each other in the head. I think that condoning violence in a.

[Adam Carolla]

Different way, it's the same. I mean, it's always the sex versus violence discussion, which is you want your kid to grow up and fuck at some point, but you don't want them to stab somebody. I mean, I mean if you, if the end game, I mean if you just want to, if you basically want to distill it down to its most basic elements for your child, you would like that child at some point. Not for my daughter, of course, but my son. No, you want them some point to go forth and procreate like. And even if sometimes they pull out, you still. Would you hope that they have, even.

[Giovanni]

If there's practice sessions.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. If they have a rich and successful love life, that, that is what you, you don't want them to be pregnant at 15, but you do hope your son finds himself a girlfriend at some point and stops beating off. Like, this is what we hope for, but we hope they don't get shot or shoot anyone else or get stabbed or stab anyone else. So the idea that we live in a culture where there's pretty much just graphic violence all over the place, even prime time networks, no problem with graphic violence. But if you're watching Survivor and one of the chicks is scurrying up the cargo net and a little nipple pops out, they tile it out. That's insane to me. Obviously they just got done doing some sort of physical combat, fighting with a log, standing on a log, hitting a guy in the head with a Pataka bat, knocking him into the drink. But then the chick's ass crack pops out and they have to tile it out all the time. It's really, it's really weird. So it's sending the message that, you know, violence good, nudity bad. When I would argue we could probably flip that. Flip that. Well, what do you want to live in a society where people shoot each other or fuck each other? And I think we know the answer to that. So I'm with you. And I agree that this sort of school sanctioned violence is probably not a great plan. But ultimately, I've just basically decided that if the family's intact and people look after their kids, that they will not be poisoned by video games or by doing Scarface in the sixth grade. But that gets us back to the family. We spend, I think, a little too much time focused on the schools and what they're doing and if they're letting our kids down or what have you. And to me, it's more about what about the families, Are they letting the kids down? Because the schools, you know, it's like that thing. It's like, oh, they need tickets to get hot meals and blah, blah, blah. And I was one of those kids. But the reality is, hey, if you can't feed your kid, something's up. Like, that's a very basic element, which is putting food in your kid's belly. And if you can't do that for your kid, there may be other issues on the home front. And I think we throw that in the lap of the school system. Like, why aren't these kids getting fed? Why aren't their test scores higher? How come they're dropping out? Dropping out has more to do with what's going on at home than it does. There's no school teacher that's gonna chase you around and drag you back into your class. Your dad has to tell you, you can't drop out. Your dad's, I'm guessing, collectively or moms, collectively, would not have let you drop out of high school.

[Giovanni]

Yes, true.

[Adam Carolla]

Did anyone drop out? But could a teacher have stopped you if you decided to? I mean, I don't even know what their jurisdiction is, like, get you. So to me, it's more family than it is school. But I feel like we're just dumping it all on what's wrong with teachers today? I don't think they're any better or any worse than they ever were. It's just we're getting a little bit worse as a society. And maybe that Scarface isn't helping. Maybe a little Fiddler on the Roof would help just a little bit. Lame actors, though.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, they did a pretty good job.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they were good. Yeah, they were good.

[Giovanni]

They do very good. They do a very good job.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they're certainly getting, like. I feel like at least kids are more stimulated than they were because I remember just being bored off my ass, like, my entire school existence, like, sort of staring out the window at butterflies and just kind of, like, nothing going on.

[Giovanni]

Butterflies and calling the articulates facts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I wouldn't call them that.

[Giovanni]

Look at the butterfly.

[Adam Carolla]

It was understood. We didn't have to make that declaration, but. Well, some guys wore berets and stuff. It was weird. That still happens.

[Giovanni]

There's people that. There's people who wear those who wear cloaks and stuff. I mean, we have kids who come to our shows in like Renfest outfits. And you want to just. You want to tell them, like, I'm glad you're having fun, but this is going to. This is going to cause you great social harm. Like, you are in grave danger, friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is my feeling and I'll have this discussion, you know, when it's appropriate. Maybe after he's completed his first Scarface play somewhere. I have twins and they're three and a half. But at some point I'll say, like, hey, whatever you're into, be it dudes or chicks or both or berets or cloaks or whatever.

[Giovanni]

Horses.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, horses. Keep it on the down low until you graduate. Not because there's anything wrong with it, but you may get your ass kicked by one of my old friends from high school. So like, like don't. I'm not telling you, suppress your shit. I'm just saying maybe don't wear it on your sleeve because you might run into someone who's not as open minded as we all are. And that to me is like, I always wonder about, like, I have mixed feelings about. Let's say you take the goth kids. You know, it's like on one hand, look, let your freak flag fly. That's your business. You want to wear eyeliner, that's your business.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it's also why you do it. I mean, when I was a teenager, I had a different color hair every two weeks. And it was not because I was like, wow, the blue doesn't really suit me. Let me see if I can do purple next week. It was just I didn't want to be like the fucking preppy kids at my school. And it was like my way of being different from them. And frankly, rebelling against the school and the kids at my school saved me from a lot of strife with my family, I think, because I basically always got along with my family because I was so busy trying to fuck up the system in my high school.

[Adam Carolla]

So you took your energy and just sort of channeled it at the man, so to speak.

[Giovanni]

It was pretty clear that all the kids I was growing up with were headed straight into investment banking. And I went to a snotty prep school and they were just little douchebags and they were sort of. They were being raised to be big douchebags. And it was the last thing I wanted to be associated with, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Why did you end up at that school and did you, like, try to get out of it?

[Giovanni]

Well, I didn't try to get out. I actually really enjoyed it because there were great. I mean, what I was into was art and there was, like, incredible resources. I was using an oxy acetylene welder when I was like, you know, 14 years old and had like, a kiln that nobody else used because these kids had to get to lacrosse practice and didn't give a fuck about anything else. So it was fun for me. There's like four or five kids in my grade, plus a few in the grades around me who all had sort of. Also the outsider kids. And we had a good time together. The other thing is the girls didn't like the douchebag guys and they were all trying to. There was this big arms race of masculinity among those dudes to be like, more jockey and buff than one another. And the chicks just don't, you know, like, high school girls don't want that any more than anyone else, you know, like.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. It's long been a theory of mine that the spindly artsy guys get all the pussy. Quietly.

[Giovanni]

I will. I am living proof.

[Adam Carolla]

While the jocks noisily are beating off at home.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, no, it was. It was a. It was. It was a very successful period.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

You hear that, Donnie? Another one of my theories confirmed. Said it many times.

[Giovanni]

So, yeah, I mean, I had that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Donnie was small and spindling, getting laid in high school himself.

[Giovanni]

So, yeah, I had no reason to leave. I just had a reason to sort of like, as you said, fly my freak flag pretty constantly.

[Adam Carolla]

But did it draw attention to you and. And were you looking for that conflict?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, you know, it's been a long time since I have been in the throw of teenage hormone rage, but I think you sort of like, generally looking for everything is like, fuck this, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck. Yeah, everything. Fuck. Fuck.

[Giovanni]

I mean, that's just sort of just like the world is really. World is not ready for me, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I mean, like, so as long as we're discussing it, like, you know, I have. Have this theory that usually people sort of, like, get what they want. Like, the women that get cheated on marry cheaters. And either the guys cheat or they cause them to cheat, and then at some point they go, my dad cheated and my first husband cheated and my every co worker cheated, and now you cheat. And it's kind of like, yeah, that's why you married that guy. Like, they're boring guys who wouldn't cheat on you, but that. That wouldn't speak to you on a visceral level.

[Giovanni]

Have you ever heard of. There's a book called General Theory of Love, which actually sort of shows how that happens neurologically. Like, that people totally like you do have your own. Like, everybody sees love a different way, and you completely just try to recreate it for yourself over and over again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, if you think about what attraction is, it completely transcends any visual component. I mean, it's really like, you know, how many times have you heard that just, boy, your dad was an alcoholic and you didn't know first. You know. You know firsthand the trials and tribulations of all the fights and the leaving and the arrest and everything. And now you marry an alcoholic. Like, of course you do. It couldn't be any. It couldn't go any other way. It's sad. And they're so magically attracted to this guy. But that's what it is. They're trying to, you know, correct daddy from the past.

[Giovanni]

Tim Tim listens to bagpipe music and drinks scotch at night.

[Adam Carolla]

No one knows why my father did it before me. Well, so I guess in a weird way, or not even a weird way, when I see somebody in high school, I don't know. I don't know what that Japanese saying is, but the nail that sticks up is going to get hit by the hammer. Like, in a weird way, that's a nail that's looking for a hammer. Did you feel like you wanted to mix it up with the jocks or the establishment or what have you? I mean, when they passed you in the hall, they had to call you freak show or something, right?

[Giovanni]

On the way to lacrosse, I got along relatively well with the jocks. I mean, it wasn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You also didn't. You probably grew up with a lot of them, too.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. And it wasn't. There wasn't a ton of. I mean, I'm sure that, you know, I think I was. It was almost like competing for a different resource, you know what I mean? Like, they were like, I don't want to be like that fucking kid. He's not like. So they didn't have to, like, they, you know, the King Jock wanted to beat up Jack Jock much more than he cared about any of the punks.

[Adam Carolla]

He was, he was, he was going after the alpha male.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. And so, and so I was pretty much outside the system and happy to be there and thought that like, thought their system was fucking stupid anyways and was. And you know, and they would turn around and be like, how the fuck is she dating him? You know.

[Adam Carolla]

But also they were, they were jocks, but they were sort of like. But they came from decent families.

[Giovanni]

Well, I mean decent in terms of the fact. I mean these were all people. They came from well educated family. I lived in D.C. so there's a lot of lawyers and a lot of government people and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I had like, real douche. We had a. I was a jock. Sorry, but I never picked on anyone. But I. But when I was playing football in high school, we had a guy named Garrett who was this light skinned brother, had a huge afro. He had two scars, about 9 inches long on the back of each thigh. I'm not sure. Said his girlfriend shot him with a shotgun, but I swear it must have been something else because they're on both thighs. But he was a big fucking scary brother. And this guy was such a fucking hard ass that when we used to work out, he used to tell me when we go in the locker room, go to the weight room, he'd want to do curls or something. So he'd go like, push me against the wall, put your hand against my chest and I'll curl up to your arm and keep my back straight. When he'd blow out, he'd go, it'd be cigarettes and scotch. And this was like 9:45 in the morning and the guy was in Juvia. And then he got out and he joined our team like halfway into the season. And he was just a fucking 220 pound scary dude. And he walked into our locker room and there was a guy named Dennis. And Dennis was like into his new wave romantic phase.

[Giovanni]

Oh boy.

[Adam Carolla]

But he was on the, he was on the football team, but he was into his, you know, he was in his Duran Duran bag, you know, dressed.

[Giovanni]

Like adamant, has a couple feathers coming.

[Adam Carolla]

Out of his head. And Garrett like walked in and was like, get the fuck out of here. And people had to explain to this guy that he was on the team. Garrett had joined the team because he was in the joint or something at a later date. But he was scary. Like there was no even bad good families or good bad families in his background. I don't know what his fucking family was, but he would fucking shank you, this guy. So there's like, like there's jocks, but they're benign. And then there's freak out jocks.

[Giovanni]

It wasn't the fact that the kids played sports. I mean, jocks is sort of the wrong term. I mean, like.

[Adam Carolla]

It really is.

[Teresa Strasser]

Douchebag.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, they're douchebags. It's the people aiming right for the center because they're too scared to do something of their own. You know what I mean? And a lot of schools that sports sort of collects that. But it doesn't have anything to do with being athletic. It just has to do with being like, trying to be like everybody else.

[Adam Carolla]

So now you go through high school, but when does OK go officially form?

[Giovanni]

First practice was 1998.

[Adam Carolla]

And then when do you move out to LA?

[Giovanni]

Well, we lived in Chicago for about five years, I think, and I was dating a girl who was in grad school out here. So I basically. We'd be on tour three out of four weeks, and if I had five days off, the last thing I was gonna do is go sit in my apartment in Chicago by myself in the fucking freezing cold or the incredibly fucking hot summers. It's just like weather in Chicago always sucks and your girlfriend's across the country, so there's sort of like always. There's just no reason to be there.

[Adam Carolla]

No matter where you are.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. So I started just basically living in her apartment out here and eventually stopped paying rent in Chicago. And Tim followed about six months later. And before, you know, I mean, the band Gravity just sort of came out here. You know, when you tour as much as we do, you don't really have to practice. I mean, we never really have rehearsals anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

So the only thing when your rehearsal is your show that night.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, doing it every night.

[Giovanni]

Like on our first record, we toured for 18 months without stopping. And the last record we toured for 31 months without stopping. So there's not. I mean, that's just. There's no reason to. We don't need to be in the same city necessarily, unless we're, you know, writing or recording. And so during the time when we all lived in different cities, we just like, you know, every once in a while we'd get. We'd meet in Chicago and like, have a week of writing sessions or something. But it's a lot easier now that we're out here and can, you know, enjoy ourselves a little more.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, of course you were working, doing albums, touring, and then everything exploded with the treadmill video that everyone is so in love with. But when was. Whose idea was that? How'd that come about. And did anybody think it was a lame idea so that we can make fun of them now?

[Giovanni]

You know what? The. The original guitarist for our band was a high school friend of mine, and he left right after we recorded that album. So that's him playing on that song, but he wasn't in the video because he had left the band at that point. And when we were looking for a replacement for him, we tried out about 35 different people. Most of them were people who would come friend of a friend kind of thing. But a few of them had come through a professional LA musician, headhunter type. And we had a little, you know, we'd play a couple songs with them in my garage and then sit with them in the backyard for, like, you know, five minutes and just see if we get to know them and see if you could actually live with this person, you know, elbow to elbow, 12 hours a day for the rest of the year.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, because half the battle, I mean, it's not all about the stage. I mean, you gotta tour with these guys and live with these guys, almost play guitar. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah. The stage is an hour, and you're actually like good 8, 10, 20ft apart on stage. It's like sitting in the back of the van for hour upon hour upon hour.

[Adam Carolla]

I completely concur. Like, people don't factor that part into any relationship. That's just 23 hours of your day, basically.

[Giovanni]

Right, well. And none of us are. I mean, you know, we've all become pretty good instrumentalists just because we play so much. But, like, none of us started this band being, like, virtuosic. We were just like people who had a common vision for what good music sounded like. And we're friends, you know. So anyways, we were looking for somebody who fit that mold, but obviously good enough to hack it. So we tried out all these people and almost all of them didn't fit at all. But we had a little questionnaire we'd fill out. We'd take a picture of them so we remember which one. We had these little Polaroids with this questionnaire. And the last question on the questionnaire was, would you be willing to do a choreographed dance on stage? And you'd be surprised. Like, half of the people thought it was a trick question, were like, hell, no, I'm not some pussy. You know? So that got them out of the running good and quick.

[Adam Carolla]

But Andy Ross.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, Andy Ross. The guitars we have now was like, hell, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But it is, to be fair to them, it's one of those trick Questions like once in a while you go to the DMV and they go, has the car been driven in the last six months? And you go, would that be good? Yeah, it could have been, yeah. Is that good? Yeah, cheaper. Like I would look at that too and go like, like once in a while.

[Giovanni]

Well, especially for a rock. I mean, I understand why people answered that way, but. Yeah, but you. But you know, we didn't want somebody to answer that way, so.

[Adam Carolla]

So he said, I'd be willing to do a human pyramid on stage if you'd get me in the band.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, basically.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was his idea then to do. No, no, we would. The.

[Giovanni]

It actually started. There's sort of a history of these ridiculous dances with a band. Before we were ever signed, before we had recorded anything really. We had done one song with a friend was working at. I mean, was at school, at a college in Chicago. I can't remember what college, but he had like for a recording project, for his senior project or something, he got to record one rock song in the studio at the college and he recorded us. So we had one recording done and we were asked to be on a TV show, a cable access TV show in Chicago, which is this amazing show, it's called Chickagogo. And it's essentially like Soul Train that anybody can come be a dancer on. So people come with like babysitters, bring whole gaggles of little kids and like little old ladies come and art students in monkey costumes and shit. And it's like, it's this totally crazy affair. And they wanted to. They have bands on there but they can't record them because they don't have any money for actual recording equipment.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

So you have to go on and lip sync and being the sort of contrarian little like, you know, we're like, man, lip syncing is lame. We're not gonna go on this TV show and just lip sync. But you know, it's either go on the show or don't. And so we're like, well, we should do the TV show. But let's. Why don't we like learn how to do a totally ridiculous boy band dance? And like, I mean if we're gonna lip sync, swing for the fences, you know, like why do the sissy version?

[Adam Carolla]

Do what boy bands do or do what other people that lip sync?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Or do it better, you know, just like either, like just go for it. Like, like.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I agree. Because it's weird when you see those things. Even if it's like Loving Spoonful on Ed Sullivan or Something, and you see him and they're. They're. Their guitars aren't plugged in, right. But they're still just standing there. And it's sort of. At least Britney Spears runs up a flight of stairs where you don't hear breathing, but she's doing something, right. At a certain point, it becomes art.

[Giovanni]

We'd had friends with your mouth and they'd like, play a broom instead of a guitar. And it was sort of like making fun of it. And it was like, you know what? Fuck it. Let's not make fun of it. Let's just take it way over the top. So we made up this totally ridiculous boy band dance. It took us a week and asked the radio hosts of all the big NPR shows that are based in Chicago. I worked as a radio engineer at NPR at the time. And so we asked all the radio hosts to be our backing band because nobody would know who they were. But it was just sort of funny inside joke. So they. So they sit there, like, miming behind.

[Adam Carolla]

Us, playing your song. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Doing this completely ridiculous dance. And it just, like, it brought the house down. It was like, so much fun. And we wound up then, many years later, bringing it back to do on stage because it's just. There's nothing more. Like, when you're playing a show, there's just sort of like set of rules between the audience and the band that are just really restrictive and really like. Like everybody kind of gets into this thing that you're supposed to do. And what you want a show to be is, like, surprising. And you want everybody to be on the sort of same emotional wave. And you can't really do that when everyone's sitting there going, like, now I nod my head and you guys look at your feet. And now you guys look cool and we go outside and have a cigarette or what. It means like this. So what we started doing was just dropping our instruments in the middle of the song and doing this completely ludicrous dance. And it just. People really. The, like, they didn't know how to. If they should be, like, psyched or scared or what. I mean, just like, what the fuck just happened? And it was really good for shaking up the show. So we did that for years. And when it came time for our second record, we wanted to keep that element of the show together, but we didn't want to be doing a song from, like, you know, at that point, eight years ago or something. And so we asked my sister, who was a professional ballroom dancer at the.

[Adam Carolla]

Time, to drop the cello and picked up the. The Capezios.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, exactly, totally. She came and helped us choreograph a vastly more complicated and equally ridiculous dance routine, which then we videotaped in my backyard just so this guy practice tape, essentially. And we were like, this is fucking hilarious. We'll send it around to a few of our friends. And this is about six months before YouTube started. And so it got posted to a site called iFilm. And. And a month or two later, someone was like, you guys should check out iFilm. You guys have like 400,000 hits. And we went. And we're like, it was like the number one thing on iFilm. And it hadn't. You know, we realized it was sort of like it was acting like a music video and yet it was like just a home video we'd shot in the backyard. And so we were like, well, fuck, if there are 400,000 people out there or 200,000 people who watch it twice or whatever the numbers are, that's clearly the most people will ever reach on the Internet. But like, those are probably our core fans. Those are probably like our nerdiest, most like seriously connected fans who are watching that thing. So we should, if we have time, we should make them another thing like, this is an awesome new space that people just don't like. We can connect directly with our fans. Our label won't get in the way. And so we should do something else like this. But we had to take it. We knew it had to go another level. You can't just do another dance, you know. So we brainstormed with my sister for a while and she was the one who was like, you know what we should do? We should do the whole thing on treadmills. And we went to her house for a week and eh, voila.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. It was so groundbreaking and just so interesting. And it was like, I think what everyone. To me, it was kind of like, I always say to people, to me, like one of the ultimate expressions artistically is a logo. Because it has to be super simple yet work. Like, it has to work when you're going 65 miles an hour on the freeway and you drive past it. Yeah. But you have to know when what it is. And I can't. You can't explain what's pleasing about a good logo other than it just works. Like, I don't know why certain. And also if some. Someone explained to you what they were going to do in advance with a logo or a color scheme or something, it doesn't even work because you'd go no, those are horrible colors. But when you. I think, and I think people viscerally respond to something that's amazingly simple. Everyone wants to go, it's like an invention. Like when you see an invention that takes tap water and runs an internal combustion engine, you don't go, why didn't I think of that? Because you go, I'm too stupid to come up. But I thought of it. I just. You can't do anything about it. But when we see a really simple invention, you get pissed. Fuck, I could have done that. I should have done that fucking treadmill thing in the 80s. I should have bought the first, first four treadmills Sears put out, done that shit like. So I, I think there's that thing where you go, damn, I've been staring at this thing in my bedroom or I've been seeing this thing at the gym. And somebody. I think, I think part of the response to that video was the kind of just simplicity of it mixed with the. We all. Someone should have thought of this. Somebody in the last 30 years, someone should have thought of this. Yeah, Everyone goes like, oh my God, I did things like that with my brother when I was little. Or like, you know, like anyone kind of can do it with enough.

[Giovanni]

You know, a lot of our videos are sort of try to follow that basic model. I mean, obviously it's hard to just keep on finding things that you wish you'd thought of a million years ago. But if you really think of things like think of all the ludicrous ideas you have, like just, you know, at a barbecue, being like, man, someone should do that. But nobody spends, you know, nobody's going to spend the time to go rent eight treadmills or buy eight treadmills and return them as we had to do because nobody rents treadmills and then spend a couple weeks actually coming up like pushing it all the way to its capacity. And so mostly what we try to do is come up with very simple ideas with very tight guidelines. You're not allowed to break these rules. You've got one camera shot, no edits, you just fucking. This is what you got to work with.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean there's a lot of obviously discipline that people lack and they never really talk about that part of it. That part where you have an idea, it's just a little kernel of an idea and then you water it and fertilize it and then you actually execute it.

[Giovanni]

And you have to have a great deal of probably ill placed faith. I mean like it would be a very bad investment for you to have like, for us to have walked up to you and been like, we need somebody to give us 5,000 bucks to make a video where we're dancing on treadmills. You would have been a retard to invest in that. As it turns out, it was a great idea. But not a lot of people can just take 10 days off of life to try to do something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I know. I mean, that's part of the. Why didn't we do it? Well, you can't do it because you have a full time job and you don't have extra money set around for renting or buying treadmills and then returning them.

[Giovanni]

The real blessing of being in a rock band, and especially our rock band, is that like all we really do is try to chase down these ridiculous ideas. So it actually is a job.

[Adam Carolla]

Treadmill fu money. Not everyone has big sack of treadmill fu money laying around. I was watching, speaking of treadmills, I was watching, I don't know, the History Channel or something like that or one of those shows. I think I was doing my own ok, go video, which is I was skipping my rope as I do every night, watching the TV up on the wall with no sound. I put my earbuds in, I play my music, I skip my rope and I just watch the thing. And I was watching, they were touring some old factory and they were showing a mill and there was a treadmill. Like people would walk on it. Well, slaves or whoever, whoever got, maybe they got paid a pittance to walk on it. And it would spin the wheel and turn the cat gut cord and that would turn the wheel and that would crush the grain into flour. And it was like, I was like, oh yeah, we used to use treadmills to power shit. And then I thought, how weird would it be just to grab one of these guys from medieval times, you know, the guy, and say, like, not only do we have treadmills that aren't hooked up to anything, we now have powered the treadmills so that they turn on their own and we just, just stand on them and try to keep up with it. It would be very counterintuitive to them. Like, so you're running but you're not going anywhere and you're turning this mill, but it's costing you money to turn this mill. And what's it connected to? Like, it'd be great to have one of those guys just walk into a bally. It's like one of those guys that used to work at some mill somewhere.

[Giovanni]

What Are they making them?

[Adam Carolla]

Where's the silos of flour? I don't get it. He'd be walking underneath it. He'd be feeling around. What are they connected to? There's nothing connected yet. They have. He's climbing. What is he making? These white slaves are so dedicated. We could never get our slaves to run at this speed. And they women slaves running on it as well. Scantily clad. I'd like to bring one of these guys into ballets. Like that would be my thing. Like forget a supermarket or everyone, you know, the space museum or something. I think a ballast would about. I think about COVID all we needed. They have a small room in the back that's heated to such a great heat one never stops sweating. Yeah, I don't know. That'd be my whole thing with a time machine. It was just to grab people I can bewitch and bring them here. I wouldn't be interested so much in their culture. Like I've read enough, enough books on your. I get the lay of the land. You guys die at 30. You have merkins. All right, we get it. There's disease everywhere. But I definitely like to grab one of you and bring you into. Into my world just to freak your out. Let me show you a couple minutes. Yeah, I want to try taking a phone call. Donnie. Donnie gave me a let's try to try taking a phone call thing. Our. Our screen is out so we have to have to do it. We'll do it blind. We're going to hit line three. Yeah, well Donnie, that's where you hold up the dry erase board that not only has the letter 3 on it but the person's name. Caller.

[Giovanni]

Yes sir.

[Adam Carolla]

What's your name? Hey, it's Darrell. Ace man. What's up dude? What's happening Darrell? Not much. I was looking to see if I could ask. Okay, go. Question or two. Go right ahead. Hey, what's up guys?

[Giovanni]

Not much man.

[Adam Carolla]

How are you? Hey, well just so you guys. Both of your guys. Websites are on my bookmarks by the way. But on the OK Go website it's kind of vague about the split with emi. I imagine it's meant to be that way. I just. I was wondering if either Damien, you or Tim or anybody could maybe elaborate a little bit more. You guys even allowed to talk about it or what it means for the future of the band?

[Giovanni]

We are bound by a non disparagement clause. So I can't say anything disparaging about them. But we can tell you basically.

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Giovanni]

Am not lying when I say it's actually a pretty amicable split. The metric for success for record companies is record sales, specifically physical sales and digital sales. And any band with their head on straight in the last 10 or 20 or 30, 30 years has already figured out how to make money some other way. Because your record contract never gave you any money for that anyways. Right? I mean, like, you sign a record contract, they give you an advance, you pay for making your record that way, and then you never recoup unless you're, you know, Green Day or Madonna. Basically, you have to sell millions and millions and millions of records before your advance is paid back, at which point you start getting royalties on the actual sales. So any band that's not. That's not starving has figured out some way to make money outside of that, either through touring or merchandise or licenses or a million other potential revenue streams. So we don't. While we wanted our record company to be successful, it doesn't particularly matter to us how many records they sell. And the things we do creatively don't necessarily sell enough records for them. So that's the business they were in. The business we're in is making cool shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And this too shall pass. The video is amazing. You guys are so. The video is so good. And it was. It's kind of funny like when you and Damon, when you and Tim were touring the EMI facilities there, like, you made a video for it. I think it's on your website.

[Giovanni]

Oh, yeah, the one in Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you guys need. Does one need a record label these days and do you need it at this stage?

[Giovanni]

Our band does not need a record label at this stage, which is what we've left our record label and started.

[Adam Carolla]

Our own distribution, I guess.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you need.

[Giovanni]

You need, like, there's certain things you have to plug into. You need someone to sell your. You know, to move physical copies around the world.

[Adam Carolla]

But isn't it. I just know this from doing independent movies or. Independent movie, which is there's sort of contractors you can use that are like sort of guns for hire now.

[Giovanni]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

That we can do it piecemeal instead of have this huge conglomeration behind it.

[Giovanni]

Exactly. And in fact, those huge conglomerations own most of the piecemeal contractors. So you're getting almost the exact same service. You're just not paying as much for it. What record labels are really good for is essentially risk aggregation. It's a very small percentage of bands that ever get to the level of being signed. I mean, any young artist knows it's incredibly hard to get a record deal. And even of those people who have gotten past that very high bar, only about 5% ever succeed. So 19 out of 20 bets that they make fail. So if it was your own money, I mean, if you're working at Starbucks and you finally managed to save like 5000 bucks together so you could get into a recording studio for a few days and press up some CDs, you would be a moron to spend it because it's a 95% chance that money's never going to come back. Even if you're already at the level that you're so good that record labels won't assign you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

So the only way that people can sort of make that bet is to conglomerate all of them. You know, you sign 100 bands and you assume that five of them are going to succeed. If the other 95 fail, you just got to make enough money back off of those five. Which is why record contracts were so onerous in the first place. I mean, for successful artists is because the money you're making is now paying for the other 95% who failed. And that way, all the people who were working at Starbucks go back to Starbucks. They don't owe the label anything because you don't have to pay back in advance if you don't. If your record fails, you just walk away. So that sort of risk aggregation thing, somebody needs to be doing that. Unless we want, like, unless it has to be the independently wealthy who are artists, you know, I mean, kids who have enough money, they can spend whatever the fuck, then, yeah, they can go start bands. But everybody else screwed, right?

[Adam Carolla]

They're not great. They're not good boxers and they're not good artists. Because it's a little love and some loss and some strife and some heartache. Like you're not going to get any good blues singers. Yeah, exactly. The Volvo broke down. So that's.

[Giovanni]

I mean, that is what, like, a record label is good for, though. That and of course, promotional stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

Like, you need someone to make all these investments. I mean, you know, we never could have been like, well, we want to tour the country three times and played with like 15 people a night, you know, I mean that. You lose a shitload of money doing that, but you have to do it a bunch of times before people know who you are.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

So, yeah, record labels were good for something. They don't, unfortunately. They've sort of, you know, no disparagement to our record company. But most record companies are sort of just flat out of money. There's. Nobody's buying records, so they can't do any of that stuff anymore. Somebody else will step up and do it though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's just. The paradigm is changing and it's. They're going through, I mean, every form of entertainment, movies, television, all the same thing. They just have to adapt to whatever that is. And there's always this period in any business, whether you make cars or records or movies, where there's going to be this little period where like the Japanese are importing stuff or the computers, you know, streaming. The people are going to itunes and getting it instead of going to the licorice pizza and getting the record. So it's like they, the good companies will figure out a way to adapt and deal, but there's going to be that weird awkward five years where they're trying to figure out which way's up. And it's kind of feel like that's where we're at musically that way with, I'd say, many aspects of the entertainment field. But ultimately, when the dust settles, it's always better. Some people are out of business, but it's always better for the consumer when the dust settles because you don't have to drive a Buick. You can drive a Nissan and get better mileage in a more reliable car, but it's not great for the guy who's working at the Buick factory in Flint, Michigan, you know.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I mean, it's really hard to say in music because like, one of the plus and minus of the situation we're in right now, for instance, is that we're happy to not be working with a giant corporate corporation in terms of actually making, producing and distributing our music because we don't want their input. We don't want to have to fight with people about how we distribute it. If we want to give it away, we want to give it away. If we want to sell it through fucking any way we want, we sell hats instead of CDs. It doesn't matter as long as the rent is paid. But on the other side, it means when we want to make a video that costs 150, 50, $200,000 or something, we have to go find a corporate sponsor because we don't have that kind of money. And so it means getting in bed with corporations and that it's a lot like being with a major label. They may not try to fuck with your music, but then they want to make sure they get their logo in your video or something. And you wind up with connections that is that good. For the consumer or is that just more pernicious advertising? Or is that selling out out or is, you know, it changes things a lot for us. Yes, we're really lucky to be in a position where we're successful enough now that we don't need all the services of a label and we'll be just fine. But I'd be pretty scared if I were just starting out right now and there's just nobody with any money to invest in music except Sprint. Do you really want Sprint to be a record label or do you really want to have to make it by like ra writing commercial jingles for a few years? I mean, that's kind of like exactly the antithesis of rock and roll, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you'd be doing the treadmill video except for you'd be texting each other with a Sprint phone and it would suck. Yeah, it's weird because the exact same device that has enabled you to record your record in your den, meaning your Macintosh computer, is also the same thing that's killing the record sales because everyone's going to itunes or the Internet and downloading everything. So it's this weird kind of double edged sword relationship you're kind of having with this technology. And I would definitely not encourage my kid if he was graduating high school today to start a band. But by the time my kid graduates high school, if in fact he's probably going to go the GED route, roll up. But either way, technically he'll have a piece of paper that says he did something. But 14 years from now, when say get held back a grade 15 years from now, when he graduates, maybe the dust will have settled on this. It's never going to be a great bet to start a rock band, but maybe someone will have worked out the monetization part of this thing. We always find a way. Somebody finds a way. It's not going to be the way it was. It'll be a different way.

[Giovanni]

And rock and roll will be a very different thing. I mean, one thing, people keep looking at this as if, as if rock and roll has been this very stable, like art form and now suddenly there's YouTube and you know, oh my God, it's this whole different thing. But if you think about it, you know, music in 1920 was live music. Music in 19, 1950 was recorded 7 inches. Music in 1980 or 85 was a music video on MTV. I mean, the format, not only has the distribution format changed, you know, records, CDs, tapes, all that, but so has the actual art form. I mean, you couldn't be a huge success in 1992 unless you had a huge video. And MTV was the way things worked. And now YouTube is the way things worked. It's just, it's like, it's not all that. Like, it's just a different world we're living in. And rock and roll, which has always had like a visual component to it, always had an attitude component to it, always been a way of life and not just a set of notes and beats is just like shifting into the digital world with the rest of us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My feeling is I'm cautiously optimistic. I just find that somebody said as soon as the first VCR deck was sold to a consumer that the movie houses would close down or people would stop doing this. Or as soon as. And I just feel like. Or the first frozen pizza was sold, people would stop sending out for pizzas or something like that. And yet it remains, you know, someone has figured it out that if you make a good movie, people will show up at the theater and there's always going to be handful of people that are good and never make a penny, but that such is life, such as art and this crazy business we're in. But, you know, for me it's the same thing. I got fired from my radio job and, you know, Donnie said, how about we do a podcast? And I said, what's a podcast? And a year later, ok, Go is sitting here and a couple hundred thousand people are listening and we're figuring out a way to keep the lights on. So it's forced change, but it's not always a bad thing.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, no, I mean, I would imagine you probably have a lot more creative freedom. You probably can do like, change the distribution however you want. You can like you much more direct with people.

[Adam Carolla]

Hunt. Yeah, they could have done that.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, it does, it's, it's, it's, it's good and it's bad, but ultimately it's, it's good. I, you know, it's. I was making a lot of money working for CBS Radio, but I couldn't yell out cunt in the middle of an interview. Well, and you can't, I mean, stifled creatively.

[Giovanni]

We can't speak to the money and we're not making a shitload of money either. But what we do have now is direct access with the people like our community. The reason record labels started in the first place was to connect the endpoints. You've got people making and you got people who want to hear music. And all you really needed them for at One point was distribution and eventually that became promotion and risk aggregation and all that shit. But the fact that we can, I mean, I literally had an email back and forth with one of our fans last night who wrote something into our website that caught my eye and I wrote back to him. That could not have happened. When I wrote fan letters to the Pixies in 19, it was going to a big, big bag somewhere at a record label and it was never even getting to the band, you know, and, and you know, now our fans make copies of our videos and it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Our songs on the drums. Yeah, I got to watch this kid play one of our songs. Like he set up a camera and played a part of one of our tunes in this two shot pass and I got to write him and I was just like, that was, that was amazing. You kicked that. The drummer in the band. You got to say next. That probably was amazing. I agree. I mean it's, you know, it feels, artistically it just feels better. It feels better to get that connection. The talk radio version of what you guys are going through is exactly what I'm going through. And it's like it's not as big as it was and it's not, it's not, not as many zeros behind the checks and all that, but cosmically it feels like a much better connection.

[Giovanni]

My bet actually is that five years from now people will be. There will be a lot more zeros behind your check than the people who came late to the game. You are the number one podcast, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, thereabouts.

[Giovanni]

But yeah, I mean, I'm not saying that may not be a big money making game now, but I also imagine the first person who started distributing 45 singles and 1948 or 1954 or whatever it was, probably was not making much money either.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure his wife was pissed, right? Yeah, no, I've always, yeah, it's good to get to the game early, but you know, just like you guys, we would do it anyway. It's not about, you know, it'd be nice to get rich doing it, but if we can just keep the lights on, we'll be happy. So that seems like a good end point and a good, a good point to give a couple plugs, by the way, in terms of keeping the lights on. Ok, Go. Is going to be on Jimmy Kimmel live tonight playing the outdoor stage, weather permitting. And also you guys were talking about the Henry Ford Theater coming up in May, I believe. But what's the website? Where should people go if they Want to see the videos and find out the tour dates? Okgo.net okgo.net and plug for us. We're going to be at in Thousand Oaks doing a live show. Donnie will have his computer out. That'll be Friday night and then it's back to Ontario on Wednesday and doing another live show. Guys, thanks a lot.

[Giovanni]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, this is adam Kroll for OK Go San Mahala.

[Giovanni]

Alright, that's Adam Kolla Show 290 with OK Go Adam. Loved that video. And for our final clip today we have Adam Carolla show 294. This is from the 2010 Long Beach Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix. This has some interviews with various celebrity racers that Adam was able to capture with some sort of zoom or other recording device.

[Adam Carolla]

In between practice laps, we have Patrick.

[Giovanni]

Dempsey, Megan Price, Tony Hawk and Zachary Levi. Starts out with Patrick Dempsey and Adam going down memory lane with how they first met. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate. Get it on. Got to get it on. I know I said that out of order. I'm a little for Clem. I'm here in Long Beach. We're doing the pro Celebrity Grand Prix today and I'll be talking to some celebrities. Actually some pretty damn good celebrities to talk to in today's acp. Overhead is a biplane and next to us is a bunch of guys drifting Mazdas. I know I got a crop duster up my ass. Trying to do a podcast here. Want to give you a heads up. Ontario Improv tonight. That's right, tonight, Ontario Improv. Wednesday night. I will be live on stage. Weezer will have his computer. We have slides. It's interactive. It's a whole new show. So even if you saw it last time, we'll see you again tonight at the Ontario Improv. Plenty of tickets available. And now let's get on with the show. Sitting here on a rock with Patrick Dempsey out in beautiful Long Beach. I'm racing the slow cars. You're racing the real cars. I want to go back because I'm so. I'm tickled pink over what I would consider a Patrick Dempsey renaissance over the last few years. Because we met, I think you did Loveline, the TV show.

[Tony Hawk]

Right. First we were neighbors, right. In Beachwood.

[Adam Carolla]

We were living, but we didn't know.

[Tony Hawk]

It until the interview. I think Dennis came out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You did Loveline, the TV show. And we found out at some point we were neighbors and that you had a Rhodesian Ridgeback.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And that we'd Spoken on like a Friday. And then on a Saturday, I was out like watering my lawn and I saw you and your 270 pound dog come walking with the hair that faces the wrong direction along its spine. Come walking up my street. You must have walked it up West Shire.

[Tony Hawk]

Yeah, they're very active dogs and you have to get them out on walks every day. Kept me in good shape then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you came up the street and I was like, hey, Patrick, what's happening? And it turns out Patrick lived down the street from me. And we started hanging out mainly because you found out I had tools.

[Tony Hawk]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And you had no ability to hang a door. So Patrick would be like, hey, why don't you come by and crack a beer and watch a little TV and hang a door and mortise in some hinges and then watch a little TV and then hang some cabinetry.

[Tony Hawk]

Kept you busy.

[Adam Carolla]

And then at a certain point, we went on a run to Home Depot. Do you remember that?

[Tony Hawk]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember.

[Tony Hawk]

I still have that toolbox. But the way from my. My first big tool purchase, we're like.

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, patrick, your best line.

[Tony Hawk]

Was like, look, man, you gotta pick out your own toolbox. I can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta do.

[Tony Hawk]

That's your thing. You gotta do a toolbox.

[Adam Carolla]

So we walked up and down the aisle and we just threw stuff in a basket. And I said, patrick, this is gonna cost you about 300 bucks. Which sounded a little rich for your blood at the time, but I said, these are the tools you're gonna need. I'm not gonna get fancy on you. I'm not gonna get you. You a pad sander and an orbital sander. We'll just get the orbital and I'll get you the Ryobi. We don't have to go nuts with the Makita or the Milwaukee stuff.

[Tony Hawk]

I still have all that stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

And I set you all up and I went, now we're cool. And Patrick never called me again. That was the end of that.

[Tony Hawk]

I just kept getting bigger houses to work on.

[Adam Carolla]

But at the time, I mean, as far as your career went, you got out of the gates like gangbusters. You're doing all these films and then it's like things slowed down a little. Probably about the time we met. Right. I like to think of myself as your good luck charm.

[Tony Hawk]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Because 10 minutes after you stop calling me back. Pow. Rocket ship to the moon.

[Tony Hawk]

Thank God. It was a lean period, sort of. In Beechwood, certainly. I was always working, but yeah, I was always fixing up houses. Then selling them. That's how I sort of survived.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Tony Hawk]

So I just kept moving along.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're saying befriending C list celebrities with construction skills and flipping houses is what you're doing for a while? That's right.

[Tony Hawk]

It changed my life economically.

[Adam Carolla]

And so, I mean, yeah. So you've been a working actor since you were in your teens, right?

[Tony Hawk]

26, 27 years now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you didn't work before that? Because I feel like some of those movies.

[Tony Hawk]

No, I've been doing it for 26 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you've been doing it for that long?

[Tony Hawk]

Yeah, I left Maine when I was 17, went to New York, and then that's, you know, that's how I got started. I was doing a vaudeville troupe. I was juggling and doing all that stuff earlier.

[Adam Carolla]

You got lucky genetically, and I'll tell you why. You went from goofy to hot versus hot to fat. You know what I mean?

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Alec Baldwin went from hot to fat. You went from goofy to hot. Yeah.

[Tony Hawk]

Thank God for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, if you would have seen Patrick at 19 and Alec Baldwin at 19, you would be like, which one of these guys you want to fuck be like, are you kidding me?

[Tony Hawk]

I wouldn't have been on the list. Yeah, certainly.

[Adam Carolla]

Hands down now. See what I mean? It's nice.

[Tony Hawk]

You just can't give up, keep working, get a Ridgeback, and just do a lot of cardio.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's a genetic hand that you've been dealt and you still have a Ridgeback.

[Tony Hawk]

It's funny, you know, there was a couple that raises Ridgebacks. And, you know, I've got three kids now, so to have a puppy is a lot of work. But if I get another job, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Have a puppy that eats kids. A lot of work.

[Tony Hawk]

So I'd love to get another one. They're beautiful dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

You know why I figured you just had one? Because it's such an interesting breed. It is that. I thought you would be one of those dudes who was into Ridgebacks. Like, crazy chicks are into macaws. Like, they always have one. They don't have a macaw, period. It's not like. Well, I went through a little phase about nine years where I had a macaw. No, they have a macaw. They become macaw pallbearers at the end, you know? I mean, they're buried with the macaw. So I figured, like, you were one of those Ridgeback guys who's like, oh, yeah, I got a mill.

[Teresa Strasser]

I like them.

[Tony Hawk]

They're different than other dogs. They're Very aloof. They stay to themselves most of the time and they're aware of everything that's going on. And they're good hunters.

[Adam Carolla]

They're like a husky, quiet guy, like a husky loner with hair where the barber didn't clean up the back of his neck very well. And it grows in some weird patterns, breeding wise.

[Tony Hawk]

Yeah, it grows in the opposite direction. Very phallic symbol on the back of.

[Adam Carolla]

This dog when it stands up is that when they're angry, it's always.

[Tony Hawk]

It grows against all the other hair. I think it's part of the breeding with the Great Dane. I think it was mixed with that and something else.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, weird pup, but. And again, now with the three kids. Yeah. Maybe you should keep a man eater out of the house.

[Tony Hawk]

Mind killers.

[Adam Carolla]

But let's talk a little about racing, if we could, because this is something that I don't believe we talked about back in the day when we were going to Home Depot. It didn't seem to be a passion of yours at the time.

[Tony Hawk]

Cars have always been a passion for me. I always loved racing because my dad was into racing. And then. Well, then I didn't have the money to go racing, so it was like, that's something I was always watching on speed. Constantly.

[Adam Carolla]

So you were high?

[Tony Hawk]

I had a lot of time at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. The channel. Right. Yeah. So you always appreciated it. But it is kind of a. It's one of these sports where either you have to be some sort of, you know, wunderkind, like a Tanner Faust or something, pick up sponsorships and all that kind of stuff, or you gotta be rich. It's tough to be in between those two things and go out and go racing. I'm amazed at those families that go like, we're going down to the dirt track and we got the RV and it's broken down and we all shove ourselves into it. Right. It's like doing it on a shoestring and like, you know, needing a new set of rod bearings and having to go get it from another guy in an rv, like, it's insane. I guess it's that a lot of.

[Tony Hawk]

People are still doing that. I mean, that's sort of.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Tony Hawk]

It's the racing.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah.

[Tony Hawk]

And the whole family gets involved.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. But if the whole family. First off, that whole family getting involved thing, not alluring to me. I know. They do that thing where they go, hey, the whole family can come. I go, I'm out. I like the stuff that only I can go to and maybe a couple jack off buddies. I don't like that. You know when people go and you know what's great about it? I go. What?

[Tony Hawk]

You can bring your family.

[Adam Carolla]

What the. I thought you were going to say whores.

[Zach Levi]

This sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm out of here.

[Tony Hawk]

You're not into the family, sport.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, here's what the family does. We sit around, they watch me watching tv.

[Tony Hawk]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

I have them stand next to the set and watch me watching you on Grey's Anatomy.

[Tony Hawk]

Very active family you have.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? People are safe. You know, we know where we are, house been earthquake proofed. And again, we're not running around in some exotic beach somewhere being attacked by jellyfish.

[Tony Hawk]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Tony Hawk]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Bringing. And by the way, bringing the family. I guess at a certain point it gets good. Maybe when the kids get old enough where they can get you a beer and stuff like that.

[Tony Hawk]

I think they gotta be teenagers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Before you.

[Tony Hawk]

Because when they're little, it's just too much work.

[Adam Carolla]

You're just dragging them along and then everyone has their own, you know. Oh, you should have seen what my kid did on the plane. They got sick, mind. Stormed the cockpit, pulled a box cutter on a flight attendant and tried to get into the thing and then defecated on one of the serving carts. I mean, he'd been overserved. So. You know what? There's a lawsuit. I shouldn't talk anymore about it. But the point is. Yeah, bring the family, right?

[Tony Hawk]

I never bring my family.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Look at us now. Where are we now?

[Tony Hawk]

We're here in Long beach without our family.

[Adam Carolla]

Between the two of us, we have five kids.

[Tony Hawk]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Any of them around? No. Watch this. Sunny. Natalia, what do you hear? Nothing. Cessna.

[Giovanni]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing. I don't even know where I am right now. All right, let's talk about Le Mans. Let's talk about Mazda. Let's talk about what's you're driving at Daytona. I saw you when I was on speed, watching speed. I saw you at Daytona. I also, I think, saw you at the Historix.

[Tony Hawk]

We were up at the Historix.

[Adam Carolla]

Monterey.

[Giovanni]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, what a life.

[Tony Hawk]

Yeah, it's been great. I mean, the racing community for me is such a great escape.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Tony Hawk]

And the car people in general are so much more enjoyable to hang out with. It's just something. I don't know what it is because you're giving away and you're doing something that you love for everybody. Nobody's in a Good mood. There's a lack of pretension or if there is a pretentious energy around it, sort of quietly gets eliminated from the core group of people. I see.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, hanging around Hollywood types all day, it sort of hurts your skin after a while. And there's just a lot of people. It attracts a certain crowd, whereas racing attracts a different crowd. And I do. I love the camaraderie, but I love the competition. It's so fun how everyone, everyone's in like a sort of fraternal. Yes, but yet no friends on the track. And then as soon as you get off the track, everyone's. Then they talk about it, everyone's friends again. So what was Le Mans? Let's talk about that first.

[Tony Hawk]

Oh, just getting to Le Mans too, because we had the opportunity to go and, you know, I'd been over to watch the race and for road racing, this is it. This is the greatest event in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we've been there too.

[Tony Hawk]

It's a phenomenal week long event.

[Adam Carolla]

We did the 85 minutes of Le Mans. We missed two trains. They started the race an hour early and then it ended it early or whether there was a rain delay like the last hour was run on.

[Tony Hawk]

This was three years ago. That race was three years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

We literally, we saw 22 minutes of the actual race. We traveled from California to see the 24 Hours of Le Mans. We saw about 18 minutes of actual racing, then a race, rain delay and then we went home.

[Tony Hawk]

Right. Spent more time in the plane.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Tony Hawk]

Flying coach.

[Adam Carolla]

We did party down with the Aston Martiners. There you go. And we were in the Aston Martin pits. The year they'd won and been 50 years.

[Tony Hawk]

This is LMP1. LMP1 class. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

When they had the beautiful Aston Martin racing green.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Yeah.

[Tony Hawk]

Gorgeous cars.

[Adam Carolla]

D9. Yeah. DB9. Yeah.

[Tony Hawk]

Oh, it was a DB9. So it was a GT.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a GT clan. They somehow beat the vet. I don't know, the vet must have crashed or got sick or something. Yeah.

[Tony Hawk]

Rare to beat them over there.

[Adam Carolla]

So what were you racing at Le Mans?

[Tony Hawk]

F430 for AF Corsair, which is a factory Ferrari team. So racing for Ferrari at Le Mans was amazing because history. Oh, the history. And then all the fans behind it. And the fans are so knowledgeable, they had records on every one of our races that we've done here in the States in the Rolex series. And pick with Joe Fosberg, who's my partner on Dempsey Racing, when he was racing over in Europe. So it was People would come up, old ladies would come up with books of all information on your race team, Everything. Lap times, positioning, qualifying, all of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing like an Italian lesbian. Really puts things in perspective.

[Tony Hawk]

They're very sexy. There's always hope, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, an F430, I mean, that is no bullshit mobile. I mean, it's practically a race car in the first place. And then, of course, in race, trim really becomes a race car. It's not like you're driving, you know, Scion or Mazda. I'm not dissing Mazda, but, you know, you're not driving a family sedan that's been modified for the track. It is a proper race car. Yeah.

[Tony Hawk]

I mean, yeah. I remember going over for the test. We're just doing it on a Bugatti circuit, short test. And you're like, oh, my God. I've seen pictures of this. I'm finally in the car doing this. And then you have, I think, my second outlet. One of the LMP cars just took me out going into the Dunlop curve. So just like, that was it. I was like, wow, what just hit me? Spun out, got it together, and then slowly was like, okay, now I've got that out of my system.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the top speed on a car like that?

[Tony Hawk]

On the Ferraris in La Mulsa, you're up to 180.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Tony Hawk]

Yeah. I remember the first time out I went out, first time for the full circuit at Le Mans. It was raining, it was nighttime because we were circling, going through all the drivers. I was at third one in the car, and they were like, you know, the LMP cars are white lights, so you have to be aware of that. So I'm going down the Mulsanne, and all I see is white lights, white lights, white lights. And I'm thinking, they're gonna break. They're gonna catch me at any moment. Second lap around. God, they're still there. Why haven't. I'm doing really well. And I look up and it's like, that's the street lights. I kept looking at the street lights, thinking it was the LMP cars, and then they finally caught up to me. And they're like the diesels. The Peugeot would go by these.

[Adam Carolla]

And the Peugeot.

[Tony Hawk]

Oh, they're just.

[Adam Carolla]

They just.

[Tony Hawk]

They're ghosts. They're almost like spider that just fly by you.

[Adam Carolla]

They're so quiet, and they're going 200 plus on that straightaway.

[Tony Hawk]

Oh, yeah, they're flying by. And they can just brake on a dime and they're silent.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gotta Be insane.

[Tony Hawk]

Cause you spend the whole race in your mirrors, pretty much watching out for the LMP cars.

[Adam Carolla]

You're going 180 plus on a straightaway and some guy just blows past you. Like, that's just a weird concept.

[Tony Hawk]

They blow past you and then they're 400, 500ft past you. They start to brake. When you're braking way down the line, it's an unbelievable experience. And that's part of the race is the different classes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's gotta be, like I said, it's gotta be insane when there are cars that you're faster than out there too. Yeah.

[Tony Hawk]

I mean, because as the evening, the 24 hours progressed, we had a driver who got sick. So it was just Joe and myself who did 10 hours each.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Tony Hawk]

So we were in the car rotating. Every two hours we were back in the car. So the adrenaline and the amount of focus it took to contain your emotion was the real challenge. And then being consistent on lap times, we were pretty much right there. Lap times.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's the thing. That's there's a race and then there's a race within a race, which is if there's three drivers, you don't want to be the anvil dragging behind the guy's car. I mean, you don't want to be 5 seconds slower. A lap then, oh, I got to go in and do a thing. Patrick, you've been more than generous.

[Tony Hawk]

Oh, it's a pleasure.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you on the podcast and we'll show you the car. I love you, the whole thing. And thanks for taking time.

[Tony Hawk]

My pleasure. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, standing here with a fellow driver, the beautiful Megan Price, you know from Rules of Engagement. And what the hell else do we know you're from my bumper that you chase? Yeah, that's a euphemism for your ass, Right? Exactly. I'm gonna be calling it that from now on. Your bumper? Yeah. Play a little bumper pool when we get home. Nice. How many posts, kids? Are you having a good time? Yes, I'm having a great time. I think I'm a much better time now than when I was like worrying. I was supposed to be learning something. Now I'm like, all right, there's no test at the end of this. Just drive. Yeah, it's fun, isn't it? No, it's so fun. It's crazy fun. It's insane where people go like, why did you decide to do this? I'm like, decide to do it. I would have blown a guy to do this cuz I'm not to do it. I was just getting interviewed by somebody, and he said, you know, I started talking about, like, oh, so nice of you to do it, or whatever. I was like, listen, I said, what did it cost for the guys who do the charity bid and who buy the chance to drive one of these cars at auction this year? And he said, 75K. And I said, that's what it's worth. Would you turn down a 75k gift basket? And he said, hell, no, I wouldn't turn down a $75 gift basket. I wouldn't either, by the way. Should we get a goddamn gift basket?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, where's the gift basket?

[Adam Carolla]

There should be a gifting a Toyota. I heard we should be a watch. We should get a watch. And one of those chronograph ones so it looks like we're important. Exactly, exactly. That flips around. You can pretend you're a diver. So how do you feel out on the track? Super calm. Before and after. Really? Kind of like a little antsy, but on the track, super calm. Yeah. You just get into a grove, and I actually hold the wheel like this, which is very strange to me. Like, I thought I would be white knuckling it. Yeah, that's a good sign. Although I do accidentally hold my shift, like my gear shift when I, like, you know what I mean? For too long. I was, you know, I used to do a lot of letting go of the wheel. Yeah, yeah. Coming out of turns and letting the car correct itself. Right, right. And I went around the track when I did it seven years ago with a guy who paid me a compliment. He said, you're the most relaxed person I've ever seen do this. And I was yawning, so I couldn't hear him. My ears closed up. But he said, you know what you do? Said, you don't let go of the wheel so much. And I said, yeah, what's the big deal? It works. He said, what if someone hits you while you're not holding the wheel or while you're doing that thing where you're barely hanging on and your hands resting on the gear shift and Buzz Aldrin just rams you. That's who I did it with. He was a ramming machine, But I think him too. He has a ramming machine. Play a little bumper pool with the Buzz with the ramming machine, and you're not holding the wheel, then you're totally screwed. Right. I think that's really weird that you're super relaxed because you're not like a relaxed person in life. Right. No, I am.

[Teresa Strasser]

You are?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't think of you as a relaxed person. Well, you know, because I'm a loudmouth, and so people think I'm. No, because it seems like it's always on. Like it's always cooking. It's always. No. No. I don't know. It's not. When it's time to try to say something interesting, I'll try to say something interesting. When I go home, my wife complains that I don't talk. You know, but here's how I actually can tell who's wired and how your nerve systems are wired up. And I. This is a little unscientific experiment that I think is actually pretty good. And I'll tell. Tell whether you're a calm person or you're a, you know, Chihuahua. You ever stand with a group of people and there's, like, a car backfire? Or let's say you're in Mexico and someone fires off a shot, and four of the people go, like, hup. You know what I mean? Like. I mean, like, hit, and you don't move. Your heart may jump, but you don't. Your hands don't move. Yeah, that's how, you know you don't have that kind of wiring. I think those people always need attention, too. Like people who talk a little too loud, like, you're gonna hear my conversation. People, like, react big. It's like they. But. But that. But this is. I agree. They're a holes. I learned this in the ground links. Yes. And. But what? I always agree. But what I'm saying is, is this is involuntary. That's my point. This is the doctor tapping your knee with this little rubber mallet and seeing if your shin kicks up or not. It is a reflex. So if they took five people and we stood them in a little circle and said, talk about anything, and then I took an M80 and lit it off behind them. Four people would jump out of their skin. And there'd be one guy who just stood there because he's really drunk. I'd be that guy who was really high. Sorry. I know the ground links taught me. Never. But I. I was in the ground. I would be the guy who didn't move. Although my heart jumped. Yeah. It's not. It didn't get my hand to move. That's good. You know, I've learned the biggest piece of wisdom in this whole event from you. Really? Yes. When you're doing something, you have to ask yourself two questions. Does it make you happy? Does it make you money? If the answer is no, don't do it. I would like to really put that first thing on. Yelling. Everyone's wise. It's really, really good. And I never thought I would learn wisdom from you, but I. It's close to my heart. I mean it before. I know I don't listen to it myself, but I have said it dawned on me a few years ago, like, before you hit send on that really shitty email you've crafted to your agent or whatever it is, whatever the circumstances, whether you're behind the wheel on this track or on your street, or sending a vitriolic email to someone who used to be a friend, does it make you happy or does it make you money? If you say no to either one of those. And by the way, there's room for happiness and revenge. Like if you have some. A hole neighbor and that. A hole neighbor ruined. I'm gonna strangle that old. Like Francis. Hold on. Let's write him a nasty email.

[Tony Hawk]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Nine minutes or so. Nine minutes. What are we rushing around for? Point is that. Okay, old man, we get it. I heard you the first time. No, screw you. I'm gonna kick the shit out of that bag of bones. Where is he? He's writing a check for. I'm not saying that throwing an egg at your neighbor's house if in your neighbor's Rottweiler shit on your lawn doesn't make you happy. That could fall under the category of making up. I don't recommend it, but it could fall under that category. So I'm not saying, you know, happy like, oh, someone's blowing soft, warm air up my tickets. I just mean money or happy. But there's a lot of stuff that falls into a third nether. Well, but here's the thing, which I think is maybe the little added color happy. But not just happy for the moment, because if you have to pay for it later, then it's not enough. Happy. Right. You know, because I picked up the phone, I'm not kidding you, four days ago. And your annoying voice came into my head. Because I was fired up.

[Teresa Strasser]

I was fired and ready to go, Megan.

[Adam Carolla]

And he picked up the phone and I go, nevermind. I've decided not to talk to you. Wow. Like, in a nice tone. And the person's like, really? And I was like, yep. And I hung the phone and I was like, thank you, Adam Carolla. Because I knew it would be ugly, you know? And it wasn't. I wouldn't be happy in an hour when I no longer felt so fired up. One more Frustrated census worker, but yet satisfaction felt by Megan Price. Price, that's. That's the important thing. I think you might be my guru now, which is very distinct. I'm being yelled at to get back in my car. Should we hug it out before you leave? Okay. Okay. It makes the. It makes the microphone do the muffle thing. It's funny. I love that. Megan Price, everybody. Thanks, baby. Standing here with legendary snowboarder Tony. What? What's funny? Skateboarder. Huh? Skateboarder. Oh, you're doing that now. How's that going? It's been pretty good. I've been Tony Hawk, everybody on a skateboard now. Do you find some of the same, you know, rules apply from snowboarding asking me that? The only thing I find that's similar is that you have to approach it with confidence. You have to go in going, I can do this. I am capable of this. Having dudes coming in, like, at all angles and trying to figure out how to navigate that. I don't have to worry about that on my skateboard. I'm not in supercross. Right. I do every once in a while. And you've probably done your share of this. They decide to throw two guys on the half pipe to do a little synchronized swimming. But, see, you're working together. I know, but sometimes. Well, we've hit too. But, yeah, it's not about him trying to kill you through the turn or to go over you to get past you. Right. There is a lot of that. Yeah. Yeah. The racing guys are wildly competitive, and you wouldn't know it from talking to them, but as soon as they get on the track, it's almost like. It's weird. It's like the car becomes an extension of their Persona and it does their evil bidding for them. Because, you see, these guys are the nicest guys in the world. And they get in the car and they turn into a holes. I'm gonna stick with that car being a. Extension of their A hole. When they get out, can you confront them about their a hole attitude? I gotta say, there has been. There's been some ill will and some bad blood. By the way, what's bad blood like hepatitis? What constitutes bad blood? The good news is you're wearing a helmet. So, you know, my whole thing is I kept my helmet on all the way through the awards dinner and through the dance and through the whole thing, I was the only guy wearing a suit and a helmet. Because my feeling is, leave that helmet on until you're at home that night. Because here's the thing. Bad blood's no big deal. If you're wearing a helmet, what's the worst that can happen? You know, those are big helmets, too. Yeah. So you'll be. You'll be fine. Just keep the helmet on long. And even if the champagne's flying and everyone seems in a good mood, you keep the helmet on. Yeah. So you're an athlete and you compete and you've won all your X Game medals and whatnot. But. But this is a completely different animal. I understand that. And, yeah, you know, you should do. When anyone interviews you, you go, you know what? I'm used to four wheels. Not four wheels. Shit. God damn it. That's what you should do in every interview. Okay? Now, see, I did Dancing with the Stars, and Christy Yamaguchi's ass was like, oh, I'm used to dancing on ice. That's a totally different thing. Really? She got. That's not. That is not a totally different thing. That's almost the same thing, actually. This would be easier than that. Yeah, exactly. This is a totally different thing.

[Zach Levi]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Unless you're running like Team Wolf and standing on top of the car. Yeah, that's what we should do. Yeah. Chicken Play Chicken. Wow. Listen to these cars. Cars are scary, aren't they? Yeah. I think our own Tanner Foust is out there, like, drifting. What, is he in every event? Actually, what happens is he does the Toyota Grand Prix here, then he does the Can Am race, then he does a go kart race, then they have a riding lawnmower race that comes at midnight on Saturday night. He does that, then the drifting, and then he leads the Tour through the aquarium. Have you seen that? It's awesome. Yeah. He never leaves. It's unfair to race with that guy because all he does is drive every type of car, too. From pike to Nuremberg Ring to Le Mans. I mean, there's, like, no track that guy hasn't been on, so he's quite, quite well versed. So this is your second time. Yes. You told me your first time you were in fourth the whole way. Yes, yes, that's correct. What happened then at the nine and a half lap? Well, now that you've done the track, I can tell you where, you know, you go around the fountain. Yeah. And then you kind of make that left after you go around the fountain. And there's that right where you has a little bit of a curb you can kind of go over if you want to go over it. I waited nine and a half laps, and then I went over the curb and I put the Guy into the wall, and I finished the race in third. But to be fair, I was faster. And he was cutting me off the whole race. And because things got squirrely at the start, he ended up in front of me. You know, I don't know if people have been telling you, but be prepared for somebody hanging around in fourth or fifth place, Some mayhem in the front and that person getting first, okay? There's a lot of mayhem that takes place. Mayhem. If you could picture, you know, 12, 18 cars going into that hairpin or going into that first turn and no one wanting to brake first. I mean, yes, mayhem. It's enough right now with us. We have to stay in line right now, right? And that's enough people going into the hairpin, just staying in line. Wait till they open this up. Because I will tell you this, Tony, you're a cool customer, but you're a competitive guy, okay? Yes. I don't know if you're an a hole on the track or not. You don't know if you're an a hole on the track or not. You will find out. And it's sort of like I used to teach boxing, and I would tell people, my students, you know, we can move around in the ring. You can throw your punches. No crazy haymakers. It's bad form, and someone's going to get hurt, namely me. You know, so some of the guys abided by the rules, and then there are other guys that, no matter what a minute in, crazy haymaker. And then you'd say to them, hey, man, remember the rules. Just straight, clean punches. No crazy haymakers. They go, sorry, sorry. Two seconds later, crazy haymaker. Then you'd punch them in the face and go, that's what you get for the crazy haymaker. And they go, okay, no more crazy haymaker. Thirty seconds later, crazy haymaker. So if you're wired, if you have the crazy haymaker wiring, that ain't your fault. But you will just decide to go inside. When you're three cars wide going into this hairpin, you'll be the last guy to break, and you will take somebody out with your crazy haymaker. There's probably about four cars that are in the crazy haymaker. So your job is to A, not be one of them, and b, not beat outside when you're going into that first turn. All right, thank you. That's it. Well, that's good for me. I mean, that seems like a lot to take in. Don't be crazy haymaker. Guy. Don't be crazy haymaker. There you go. Safety Tip from Adam Carolla. Yes. People's adrenaline will surge and they will get nutty and do crazy things. Wait. You just wait. All right? I'll be patient. I hope. You know what they should really do? They should just say, look, you bought the car. Now. Yes. You know, they treat it like. Here's how they treat it like. School book. Right. Remember, you get the book. I know you're surfing, so you didn't go to high school, but if you'd want. If you'd attended class, they have these square things with pages called books. I did. Better ones have pictures in them. Yeah, but they'll give you the book. And when they give you the book, they go, now what condition is it in? And he'd go, b. And the teacher would go, bullshit. That's an A condition book. And you'd write A on that little card. You know, and then at the end of the semester, you'd have to turn it in. And if it had too much egg salad or snot rockets on it, it'd get a D. And you'd have to pay some money. That's how they should treat these cars, to stop the crazy haymakers. Look, every car is an A. You're responsible for your car. And when you turn it in at the end of the race day on Saturday, your mom has to pay for it. Whatever you've done, your mom will have to. Yeah, yeah. Okay, hold on. My mom? Your mom has to pay for all of them. You're talking shit about my mom? Yeah, my mom will have to pay. Oh, we'll be in a lot of trouble if my mom's dipping into her purse. But the point is, yeah, all our moms have to pay for what damage we've done. And that will stop the crazy haymaker thing because you're in someone else's car and you don't give a shit. That's the reality. Okay, I. I know you built a. I was gonna say track. You built a skate park in your backyard. Right. I love that story. You know, you've arrived. And how's skating? Like you're not a spring chicken anymore. No. If you fall on your ass, it hurts. Yes. Do you skate on a daily basis? The hardest part. I mean, really, I gotta. You know, to take any time off has exponential repercussions. For me to take a week off of skating, it's like, oh, man, I'm gonna get back out there. Really. So as long as I'm doing it consistently, I can. I can keep up my pace and still do most of Stuff I used to do. I'm not trying to go crazy, right. You know, I mean, and try something I've never done before, like, just because it's new and I want to be the guy that does it because, yeah, it's rough. It's rough. Coming back from injuries. Now, if you replace the word skating with masturbating, I make, I feel exactly the same way. You don't ever want to take a week off. Hey, I'm not breaking any records. I'm not in high school anymore. I got nothing to prove. And by the way, my legacy is fine. People know, right? You know what I mean? I got a few medals myself. But again, it's your livelihood. That's I make. That's right. Mostly the merchandising that comes off of me masturbating. But, yeah, I still do some touring. I don't do it competitively anymore, but if it's to raise money for kids or something like that, sure, why not? Charity. Sure, sure, I'll do something for charity every once in a while.

[Patrick Dempsey]

A little exhibition.

[Adam Carolla]

We get enough kids together. Anything for the kids. Okay, I'll remember that when we go to children's hospital to remind me not to hang out with you. All right, kids, why don't you go ahead and draw that sheet around the bed? I'll share where you know me from. Yeah. That's disgusting. Oh, you're going to the kids hospital? Yes. Oh, look, forget that bullshit. Just get your free fire suit, load up on grub, and I'll see you on race day. Okay? Tony Hawk, everybody. All right, thanks, Adam. Ah, sitting here with new dear, dear friend Zach Levi from Chuck, of course, and I think Alvin and Chipmunks as well, too. My kids. We haven't got the DVD yet, but we shall be getting it soon.

[Zach Levi]

I'm apologizing in advance for the endless song and dance that you're about to experience, my friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Anything has to beat the methadone drip of Little Bear. So I want see some action because I have to watch this goddamn Little Bear every night. And it's like Little Bear goes out and chases a butterfly for 10 minutes and it's nothing. It's all this stuff like out of Sweden or Canada or something. It's all weird and slow. They don't have a metronome over there?

[Zach Levi]

No, they're interesting people, the Swedes and Canadians, for that matter. But when it comes to children's entertainment, they know how to bore an adult out of their mind, apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know what it is? They have I think what it is is we've burnt out our pleasure centers over here. So my kids, like, they literally have to have the TV on for us to have a talk. And they have to have the TV on to eat and have the TV on to sleep and shit and everything else. And over there, I think they're readers and they're a little bit smarter than we are. So our cartoons, our cartoons are like, pow, blaming, Boom, bam. And their cartoons are like Little Bear Takes a Nap. And you literally watch the bear nap for 10 minutes.

[Zach Levi]

That's highly entertaining.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. It's such a fucking snooze.

[Zach Levi]

How old are your kids?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I've been saying three and a half for like, for like nine months now. Are they twins? Yeah, they're twins. Yeah. And they're very different. And the boy's very different than the girl. And it's. I wouldn't say it's a very. Yeah, I mean, here he has two penises. He's so that far off the pad.

[Zach Levi]

You're that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm that guy.

[Zach Levi]

You're so well endowed that you gave your son two penises.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was like, do you want one big one or would you rather anything?

[Zach Levi]

He got the choice. Did he get the choice?

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. He said, give me, give me the two pinky sized ones.

[Zach Levi]

He was thinking ahead too. He's like, I can multi facilitate as opposed to just like really, really go for it later on in life.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, are you ever really having a threesome? No. You know what I mean? Sure, your balls are being licked by some stranger, but that's not a threesome. Threesome is that.

[Zach Levi]

I'm glad we tied your three and a half year old son into this conversation.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying women at his point, like, you know, they're getting more sexually promiscuous as the days wear on.

[Zach Levi]

Three and a half.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. I'm saying this when we were in high school.

[Zach Levi]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

The idea of, of chicks having barbed wire tattoos and hood piercings and doing stuff and putting it up on the Internet and all, that kind of didn't exist. Right.

[Zach Levi]

Can you explain hood piercings? Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

When you say hood piercings, I like.

[Zach Levi]

That you put us in high school at the same time too.

[Adam Carolla]

I appreciate that. I graduated. Well, I wore a fur coat and drove a Stutz Bearcat and you drove a Prius. No, we. But even. Okay, what year did you graduate?

[Zach Levi]

1998.

[Adam Carolla]

Holy.

[Zach Levi]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm an old man.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I need to be catheterized.

[Zach Levi]

I can't believe that I'm gonna be 30 this year. That. That kind of freaks me out a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Levi]

But I mean, you know what? You're 35, right?

[Giovanni]

36.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna be 46 in about a month, which is scary, but okay.

[Zach Levi]

All right, I never.

[Adam Carolla]

You went to high school with whores. All right, forget it. But in my day, everyone went to.

[Zach Levi]

High school with whores.

[Adam Carolla]

You just didn't know that we didn't get to see them doing their whoring around on YouTube.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah, it's true.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, by the time my kids get to high school, it'll just.

[Zach Levi]

Be happening in the classroom.

[Adam Carolla]

My son's going to go to the prom, he's going to come home and I'm going to be like, what happened? He's going to like, I only got anal. I'm going to be like, what? And he's like, I was hoping to pull, you know, have a whole train of chicks, but really disappointed.

[Zach Levi]

The Chuck family contingent demographic is going to be thrilled with this one.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying.

[Zach Levi]

You're talking about anal.

[Adam Carolla]

I was talking about. Right, you were telling.

[Zach Levi]

I didn't, I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying.

[Zach Levi]

I don't even know what you're talking about.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Please, I don't know. All right, let me get the hat.

[Patrick Dempsey]

I can almost.

[Zach Levi]

You mean this hat? That magic hat that just appeared?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Levi]

As long as it doesn't fit me. This is for, like, a child.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll put it on.

[Giovanni]

I'll put.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll put it on, too. Not that I've ever been asked to put on the goddamn hat. Adam, would you mind putting the hat. That's too little too late, sweetie. Too little too late.

[Zach Levi]

What's wrong with a Dodger cap? We are in la, aren't we?

[Adam Carolla]

But she's.

[Giovanni]

She's.

[Zach Levi]

I do have Toyota blasted across my chest, don't I?

[Adam Carolla]

She's buzzing around Zach, wanting to put the cap on him, and then Mr. Chopped Liver's just standing next to Zach. Listen. Listening to this argument over and over again. Where's my hat? How come she's not pressuring me to put the hat on? You know what I'm saying?

[Zach Levi]

I don't like that you're referring to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yourself as chopped liver. I'm.

[Zach Levi]

That's too self deprecating even for you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, chopped ham, let's talk about you. Forget about me and my kid and his high school experience.

[Zach Levi]

In Yo Gabba Gabba.

[Adam Carolla]

In Yo Gabba gabba. Where were you? On, like, what was your. Is Chuck. Was Chuck your big break? Or did we. Or did. Are you one of these people I've seen a million times, and I just somehow don't know where to place you.

[Zach Levi]

I do watch a lot of porn. Soft, even. Soft. I haven't been involved in any of that for years, so you probably wouldn't have seen me in any of that.

[Adam Carolla]

None of the silk stockings.

[Zach Levi]

None of that. I was a baby in Twin Peaks. Did you remember? That was the weird baby with five eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

That was you.

[Zach Levi]

That was me. No, man. Chuck's pretty much. Chuck kind of has been that. That job, you know? Like, everybody's got that job that kind of thrusts them into people going, oh, that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

You know?

[Zach Levi]

But before that, I keep waiting. It's coming, buddy. It's coming.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the guy who talks to the guys who are that guy.

[Tony Hawk]

I don't think so.

[Zach Levi]

I think you're that guy. Plenty of people know who you are.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Zach Levi]

Yeah, I've known who you are for a long time. I watched the man show. I used to watch you and Jimmy totally hammered out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So are you from somewhere?

[Zach Levi]

I'm from Ventura, California.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Zach Levi]

Yeah, for the most part. Grew up out there and came out.

[Adam Carolla]

Here to act or to do something else?

[Zach Levi]

No, man. I mean, I did a lot of theater up in Ventura, Ohio, all that stuff. I was a spaz growing up.

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Zach Levi]

You know, that's. So I had to find an outlet, and theater was kind of that. And I always wanted to be an actor, and then was just doing theater up in Ojai, and some woman kind of discovered me and got me to a manager who got me to a casting director who got me to an agent. And then. And then that's been like 10 years.

[Adam Carolla]

And as far as the driving goes, I think in the Vegas Odds from the Vegas Odds Maker, you're number one, and I think you're number two.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's fitting that we'd be sitting here on the pole. Actually, a rock pole would be more comfortable than this rock. And talking about racing, I couldn't size you up when we're out on the track because we weren't really doing laps together. I don't mean here. I mean. I mean over in Willow Springs. I figured you were kind of fast, but I didn't know what was going on exactly.

[Zach Levi]

Well, they kept breaking us up in all these groups, which is. Everybody keeps asking me, like, who's your biggest competition? I'm like, I don't even know who I'm racing against, first of all, because our groups are broken up. And then when you're in the group, I don't really remember what number any of the cars are. Plus, you can't really see them in the rear view mirror or in front of you.

[Adam Carolla]

So. You know what? It's done it. You know it's done it this year. This is your first one.

[Giovanni]

Is that correct?

[Zach Levi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the deal. This year. Yes, Donnie. We walk and talk. Oh, yes. We got to get back to the. This year. Can I grab a quick picture with you? Sure, sure. Hop in. Like the tallest people in. You're the tallest woman. Thank you very much.

[Zach Levi]

You're welcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we should. Yeah.

[Zach Levi]

Heading back, Heading back. Let me grab my hat.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Yeah, Zach, we can walk and talk this. This year, they have a spoiler in the rear of the car, which cuts the face of the driver behind you in half, and it lifts up a little bit, so you really can't make it out.

[Zach Levi]

You guys didn't have that last year. They didn't have the same wing.

[Adam Carolla]

I did it seven years ago.

[Zach Levi]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

And so I shouldn't have emphasized this here. When you were in high school, when.

[Zach Levi]

I was an embryo, when I was.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing the celebrity Grand Prix and you were zygote, they didn't have that thing. So you literally look up. Thank you. You would look up in your rear view mirror, and for me, it was like, oh, Corbin Bernstein's on my ass.

[Zach Levi]

Have I had a nickel for every time I've heard that? Corbin Bernstein's on my ass.

[Adam Carolla]

So you'd look up and you'd see, oh, it's. It's Dick Van Patten on my ass. It is.

[Zach Levi]

Oh, sorry about that. No, that's my fault.

[Adam Carolla]

And now you can't. Now there'll be names on cars, so you'll know. So it'll be that thing where you'll definitely. You'll know the guys you're a little bit faster than, and you'll know the guys they're a little bit faster than you. Yeah, yeah. And what'll happen is, is you'll be driving, and you'll look in your rearview mirror and you'll see Tanner Faust's name on the hood of a car, and you'll be like, oh, dude, I'm really worried about.

[Zach Levi]

I'm worried about the entire pro category, because watching last year's footage and watching Alonso Jr just tear through everybody from the back of the pack and doing it, by the way, with incredible Ease like the in car camera that they had for him. He wasn't breaking a sweat. He was using one hand. He's just. He's like out for a leisurely drive. And I feel like that's what Jimmy and Steve are going to do to us.

[Adam Carolla]

Steve and Jimmy and Tanner are exceptionally fast. And the year I. I did it back when you were in Underoos, right. None of the pros. Thank you. None of the. You're welcome. None of the pros got past me. And maybe the first, I finished third. So it was like maybe the first four or five drivers, nobody got past.

[Zach Levi]

Who won that year.

[Adam Carolla]

Peter Reckle. I was going to say reckless Peter. Peter Reckle, who's a soap star and maybe still is. I cursed us. Jesse James came in second. I came in third. I cursed us by saying to his face, because I don't watch soaps. And I had no idea who he was. I was like, listen, as long as I don't get beat by a chick or soap star, I'm fine. I'm not in it to win it. And then I smash cut to the soap star smoking my ass out on the track. He was a kind of a good example of a guy who you wouldn't have known from Willow Springs. Like I was kicking his ass at Willow Springs. But he got faster as we started practicing and as he got more comfortable. And by race day, him and Jesse were dueling it out. And then Peekaboo street got like spun out in front of me and it turned into two races. But. And you'll definitely start realizing whose names are on whose cars. And you'll see them in your rear view or you'll see them in front of you. So after today, because we picked our.

[Zach Levi]

Cars, now our name gets to be on our car.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Zach Levi]

Oh, that's fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Except for yours. It's gonna say that guy from Chuck because you just.

[Zach Levi]

It's way easier than.

[Adam Carolla]

People haven't heard of Zachary Levi. But I could be Braff.

[Zach Levi]

I could be Quinto. There are many Zachs out there right now.

[Adam Carolla]

If I went up to just somebody in a mall and I said Zachary Levi, they'd go, what the. And I go, the guy from Chuck.

[Zach Levi]

They'D go, oh, and if it was a three year old, you said it's the guy from the squeakle, they'd go, the squeakle?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're gonna put that on the car too. The point is this. We're looking for crowd recognition. And when you're on that grid, hey, Zachary, hell of a name don't get me wrong.

[Zach Levi]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

But that guy from Chuck, now you got about 90, 95% recognition factor. What exact thing? You're in the mid-40s. No, that's not a bad batting average. I could find people that were lower than that. But Guy from Chuck. And aren't you afraid that everyone's gonna.

[Zach Levi]

See Adam Carolla and just think, like, oh, that's some guy from Toyota? You're not afraid of that.

[Adam Carolla]

That joke is so funny. So old, isn't it? So old. No, listen, Brian Austin.

[Zach Levi]

I'll come back with better material.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian Austin. Green already agreed with guy from 90210.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, when you're driving, you'll appreciate it because you can't do that quick, man. Brian Guy's got five names on his car. You don't know what. Zach. Who? What? But you see Guy from Chuck. Okay, yeah, yeah, I know that guy.

[Zach Levi]

Dude from 90210.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude from 9. Oh, yeah. We should put dude in there.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah, Dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Zach Levi]

If I'm Guy from Chuck, he should be dude from 902.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? Dude from 9020.

[Zach Levi]

McCartney can be like Bright Smile Blondie or something like that, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know who he is.

[Zach Levi]

Oh, Jesse, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Zach Levi]

He's a big fan of his music and other work.

[Adam Carolla]

He's hella good. Yeah, he is.

[Zach Levi]

The white man code. I forgot about this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's a white man. Hella good. He's hella good.

[Zach Levi]

He's hella good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm totally into it.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Dempsey]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

You don't think people recognize his name? No, no, I think people know him. Now, we'll get you and the guys who won the auction, the celebrity auction thing, or race, and we'll have that thing.

[Zach Levi]

Are their cars going to say, dude who won the auction?

[Adam Carolla]

It's going to have a big quarter on the hood that just lets them know they paid. They were the money guys. Yeah. They don't deserve to be here because, you know. Want some? Dave so and so.

[Patrick Dempsey]

What's he from?

[Adam Carolla]

Is he from Chuck? You see what? Yeah, that's where the confusion comes in. It's that guy from 90210, that Dave. What's his name, who won the auction. You see, it gets confusing.

[Zach Levi]

I appreciate that you're honest enough with me to let me know that you define.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to help.

[Zach Levi]

But I appreciate that because most people would just kind of wave it on, you know, like, oh, yeah, you're that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's all you want. You want. Look, let's put it this way. You're. Let's say you're in a band and you want to get laid, right?

[Zach Levi]

Like you do when you're in a band.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the drummer's name from Pearl Jam?

[Zach Levi]

I don't know exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

But if his car.

[Zach Levi]

But if his car said the drummer from Pearl Jam.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. Okay, okay. So did you just use the words.

[Zach Levi]

Pushing and explosion in the same.

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Zach Levi]

They weren't just in the same sentence. They were together.

[Adam Carolla]

Singular. When that guy goes out to a bar, right? What do you think he does?

[Zach Levi]

He wears a Pearl Jam suit.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, my name's Herman Schwartz. Sorry, buddy. I'm the drummer from Pearl Jam. Hello.

[Zach Levi]

I'm sorry. Even if you're the drummer from Pearl Jam, if your name is Herman Schwartz, I don't think you're getting anything.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the point? That's five. We don'ts. That's why we don't say Zachary Levi. The guy from Chuck.

[Zach Levi]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

It just says the guy from Chuck.

[Zach Levi]

Hi, I'm Chuck.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm Chuck. Yeah, listen, we can modify it. I gotta get to the silk screener, so we should really lock it off.

[Zach Levi]

That. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Zach Levi]

Chuck, but not Norris. Then it starts getting a little too big.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Zach Levi]

Ooh, that's too much.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh. Ooh. Yeah, we're gonna work that. What's your co star's name? What's that hot blonde?

[Zach Levi]

Yvonne.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's put her name on the car.

[Zach Levi]

The chick from Chuck?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The chicken chick from Chuck. Yeah. The Chuck chick. Yeah. It's pretty. Vaughn, what's her last name?

[Zach Levi]

Strahovski.

[Adam Carolla]

Strahovsky. Geez, that's gonna be expensive. It's called the V Lady or something. I'm gonna get her name on the car. What kind of font she like? Helvetica.

[Zach Levi]

She's a Times New Roman gal.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Zach Levi]

Are you talking about the girl from V or Yvonne?

[Adam Carolla]

Yvonne.

[Zach Levi]

Yvonne is the Times New Roman girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is she?

[Zach Levi]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought I said her. A Helvetic kind of person.

[Zach Levi]

No, no, no. It's funny, being from Australia, you'd think that she'd be more like that, but she's very straight down the middle. She's a straight shooter. So if you can get anywhere near, like, you know, common periodicals, I think she's into it.

[Adam Carolla]

What number is your car? Six. Six. Okay, we'll put that on.

[Zach Levi]

What color is my car? That's what I want to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I gotta go. Cause I'm working on a cold air induction thing that I probably talk too much about.

[Zach Levi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's not. I'm gonna put some weights underneath your car, Zach.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell us, by the way, toss out a website, Toss out a charity. Toss out any. A tweet at Twitter, anything you'd like.

[Zach Levi]

Give them a shout out. I mean, I'm on Twitter. Ackharylevi. It's pretty simple. There's no gimmick to that. It's my name. So if you want to follow me on Twitter, you can do that.

[Adam Carolla]

You can find [e-mail] I bought that. To me to go.

[Zach Levi]

Grab that to me. I bought it already. From now to now. You just bought it right now. You had your people on it. They do this, don't you? You get all this information out of people and then you go buy their domain names, turn them into porn sites, you sick bastard.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly by it, buddy. Thanks, guys. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, well, that about does it for the show. Thank you for coming all the way out to Long beach and enjoying the pro celebrity race with me. Remember, Ontario Improv tonight. Plenty of tickets available, and until next time, this is Adam Carolla saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, that was Adam Cole Show 294 with Patrick Dempsey, Megan Price, Tony Hawk, and Zachary Levi. Hope you guys enjoyed the clips. Until next time. And get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Teresa Strasser]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Teresa Strasser]

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[Giovanni]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Teresa Strasser]

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[Adam Carolla]

Or Tracker, or curl up with a short surefire hit like Forrest Gump, Pluto.

[Teresa Strasser]

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[Giovanni]

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