Patrick Warburton on Launching a Stand-Up Career at 60

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode Summary Guest: Patrick Warburton
Episode Title: Patrick Warburton on Launching a Stand-Up Career at 60
Release Date: June 30, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes renowned actor and voice talent Patrick Warburton. Known for his distinctive deep voice and roles in popular shows like Seinfeld and Family Guy, Patrick shares his journey into stand-up comedy later in life, offering insightful perspectives on career transitions, parenting, and societal observations.

Launching a Stand-Up Career at 60

Patrick Warburton discusses his unexpected foray into stand-up comedy at the age of 60. Reflecting on his motivations and experiences, Patrick emphasizes the fulfillment he finds in performing live and connecting with audiences.

Notable Quote:

Patrick Warburton: "I started headlining a year ago, and it’s been a year of touring. It feels great to finally pursue something I was built for."
(Timestamp: 10:55)

Balancing Parenthood and Career

The conversation delves into Patrick’s long-standing marriage of 34 years and his role as a father to four children. He highlights the challenges and rewards of maintaining a balanced family life while embarking on a new career path.

Notable Quote:

Patrick Warburton: "I never held my stand-up career over my wife. She’s been the homemaker, taking care of our kids, and I respect that immensely."
(Timestamp: 06:07)

Societal Observations: Grooming and Efficiency

Adam and Patrick engage in a humorous yet critical discussion about societal norms related to grooming habits, such as haircuts and personal hygiene. They use these topics as metaphors to explore deeper issues of narcissism and social expectations.

Notable Quote:

Adam Carolla: "If you wouldn't spit your gum out in front of your house, don't do it 10 miles away. Have one mode."
(Timestamp: 05:14)

Notable Quote:

Patrick Warburton: "I treat everyone the same. Everyone deserves respect, regardless of who knows me or not."
(Timestamp: 04:47)

Parenting Philosophy and Youth Behavior

Patrick shares anecdotes about his interactions with younger generations, emphasizing respect and understanding. He critiques entitled behaviors he observes and underscores the importance of guiding children with empathy and discipline.

Notable Quote:

Patrick Warburton: "When you ask someone to let you work in on a gym machine and they refuse, it's about mutual respect. It's frustrating when entitlement takes over basic courtesy."
(Timestamp: 30:23)

Understanding ADHD and Societal Labels

The hosts touch upon Patrick’s recent ADHD diagnosis, exploring how societal perceptions and labels have evolved. They discuss the implications of widespread ADHD diagnoses and the reliance on stimulants like Adderall.

Notable Quote:

Patrick Warburton: "I never focused well in school, and it wasn’t until my daughter pointed it out that I sought help. It’s a spectrum, and I find low-dose Adderall helpful."
(Timestamp: 58:34)

Critique of Modern Lifestyle Choices

Adam and Patrick critique current societal trends, such as the overemphasis on hydration and the prevalence of energy drinks among youth. They advocate for simple, practical choices that prioritize health and responsibility over trendy habits.

Notable Quote:

Adam Carolla: "For the price of a Monster energy drink, you can get a dozen eggs—much better for your kids."
(Timestamp: 68:04)

Policing and Societal Breakdown

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on policing, societal polarization, and the challenges faced by law enforcement. Adam expresses strong opinions on the necessity of police presence, while Patrick offers a balanced view on supporting good officers versus addressing misconduct.

Notable Quote:

Adam Carolla: "We need cops. Without them, crime rates would soar. Demonizing all police is insane."
(Timestamp: 80:38)

Notable Quote:

Patrick Warburton: "Cops are on the same team—protecting the community. We need to focus on training and accountability, not blanket criticism."
(Timestamp: 81:13)

Father-Son Bonding and Practical Learning

Patrick recounts meaningful experiences with his son, emphasizing hands-on activities like home improvement projects. This segment highlights the value of direct engagement and teaching practical skills as a means of strengthening familial bonds.

Notable Quote:

Adam Carolla: "For Father's Day, instead of going out to brunch, I took my son to Home Depot. We spent hours learning about tools and materials together."
(Timestamp: 85:04)

Notable Quote:

Patrick Warburton: "Experiences like these are far more valuable than any restaurant dinner. They create lasting memories and teach essential skills."
(Timestamp: 85:20)

Closing Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Adam and Patrick reflect on the importance of maintaining personal integrity, fostering respectful relationships, and making informed choices both in personal life and broader societal interactions. They encourage listeners to pursue their passions, uphold family values, and engage thoughtfully with the world around them.

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Conclusion This episode offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and candid discussions on pertinent societal issues. Patrick Warburton’s late-blooming stand-up career serves as an inspiration, demonstrating that it's never too late to pursue new passions. Through their engaging banter, Adam and Patrick provide listeners with valuable insights into balancing personal growth, family responsibilities, and societal expectations.

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Notable Podcast Segment Highlights:

• Good Dad and Marriage: (02:38 - 09:00)
• Stand-Up Comedy Journey: (10:00 - 15:00)
• Grooming Habits as Social Metaphors: (25:00 - 35:00)
• ADHD Discussion: (56:58 - 61:00)
• Policing and Societal Views: (76:00 - 82:00)
• Father-Son Bonding Experiences: (85:00 - 86:10)

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For those interested in Patrick Warburton’s stand-up performances, upcoming shows are scheduled at the Irvine Improv on July 10 and the Laugh Factory Covina on July 11th and 12th. Tickets can be purchased through AdamCarolla.com.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, Patrick Warburton joins us. God, that guy's been in everything for the last 30 years. Plus, we have mayhem coming in and doing news and we'll do all that right after this.

[Dawson]

The ace man's keeping busy. Why don't you join us for a live podcast in Irvine at the Irvine improv on July 10, and then four shows in Covina, California at the Laugh Factory Covina on July 11th and July 12th. Tickets for these and more shows are available AdamCarolla.com.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Dawson]

From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Patrick Warburton. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. Now, he wouldn't last five seconds on blue Sky. Adam Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on the ch. Get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. We love that about you. Patrick Warburton is in studio. One of the good ones.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, thank you, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what's nice? Every time your name comes up, it'll go, good dad.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's a good dude.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good guy. And I think they mean it. And it's not that hard to achieve, but yet so many squander that title, right?

[Patrick Warburton]

I try, you know, I really try. And I think a lot of that has to do with when you've been married for 34 years and you're just, you know, you're beat down. Broken, broken. A broken man. A baton death March, like a 34.

[Adam Carolla]

Year baton death march.

[Patrick Warburton]

You are kind to people because you want them to be kind to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. But you know, let me say this. I think. And you're not going to be able to weigh in maybe because it's you, but I think there's this element. You ready?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're tall as a male. This is universal. This is both male and female. You ready?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're tall and you have good proportions and you're attractive and you're well built, we factor that in because we're like, that guy should be a douchebag. See, people do it with Clooney. Like, they'll go, clooney, nice guy, man. He's such a nice. But really what we're saying is he can be an asshole and he'll still get his dick sucked and he doesn't need you. But he's being sort of cordial anyway. But what I'm saying, Patton Oswald is just as nice as Clooney. But no one goes, nice guy, nice guy. Cause he's a dwarf and nobody's scared of him and nobody wants to fuck him. You see what I'm saying? And you're tall and you're strapping and you're good looking. And so when you're nice, people go, he's a good dude. But they do a little extra. They'll do it with hot chicks. If there's ever good looking, tall blonde chick, they'll go, and she's so nice. She's so nice. She's not that nice. She's nice for a hot chick. She's not nice for a dumpy pear shaped chick. See what I'm saying?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're getting a little extra nice because you're athletic and tall.

[Patrick Warburton]

I guess. But there are those of us, you know, we treat everybody the exact same. Like, I'm not gonna. I won't say who this is because, you know, I don't want to nastily throw somebody under the bus. But there was somebody who at one point or another, I go, nice set. And was just ignored. And then somebody was telling her who I was. And then she's like, oh my God, I'm such a big fan. And then she's really nice because they know who you are at that point and they didn't before. And I'm just like, that kind of always grosses me out because I treat everybody. We're all the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's do it this way. Let's expand that. Let's make it universal to create a utopia where everyone treats everyone nicely. Not once we discover it's the guy from the Family Guy or the guy from Seinfeld or whatever. Let's treat this with where you spit your gum out, where you throw your garbage, where you let your dog shit. Like just sort of everything.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is, if you wouldn't just spit your gum out right in front of your house on the sidewalk. Then don't do it 10 miles away on a random sidewalk. Just have one mode. If you wouldn't at your home, if you blew up a burrito in the microwave at home, you would immediately clean it. But it worked. When you blow up it, you don't clean it. One mode is what I'm saying. Don't spit the gum. Be nice to Patrick Warburton, whoever he is. And don't blow up a burrito or clean up after yourself, if you do get the analogy.

[Patrick Warburton]

I do get lectured every now and then because I trash the microwave. You do so. Yeah. But, you know, in general, look, I think that we all have a sense. Look, I try. Okay, for instance, do you buy.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you pay for the microwave?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you pay for the electricity?

[Patrick Warburton]

I see where you're going and I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's break it down. Yeah, you bought the microwave.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You pay for the kilowatts that it burns to heat said burrito. How about the cabinetry and the home that it's in? Did you pay for that? And how about the taxes on that home?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And I can do what the fuck you want with that microwave. That's the world.

[Patrick Warburton]

I'm here. Never have ever held that over my wife, who's been the homemaker and taking care of our four kids who are in great shape because she's such a great mom. And I realize how hard she works doing that. So I've never, ever held that over her.

[Adam Carolla]

But can I give you another theory? I want you to really think hard about this. I don't know exactly. I've been kicking around my head for a while. There's an old adage, or just an old. It's a bygone theory, where men would be intimidated if their woman made more than them. Okay? Every guy I float that theory with goes, are you fucking nuts? I would love it. I would love it. And it's a weird thing because women will go, you know guys, they couldn't handle it if a woman. I'd be like, are you kidding? I would like one month of that situation where you just went out and made more than me. That'd be Utopia for me. But I got a theory. My theory is, in our current agreement, societal agreement with women in our relationship in 2025, especially living in Southern California and maybe working in the industry we're working in, you could make all the money, as I always have in any relationship I've been in, if I pointed out that I paid for the microwave, so you gotta clean it. That would make me an ogre. Right. Even though I'm not sure why. That's our agreement. Because if the woman made all the money, she'd be leading you around by the fucking nose hairs the entire time you're in that house and you do, it would look, if the woman made all the money and she said, I'm in the mood for Thai food tonight. You want? I kind of think in Greek, guess who'd be eating Thai food and wherever she wanted to go on vacation. If she said, I want to go to Maui and you want, I think we should go to Mexico. You're going to Maui. Whatever. If you're thinking about a car, if Patrick Warburton is thinking about a car and you're like, I'm looking at the Corvette, then the woman who made all the money go, why don't you go look at a Tesla?

[Patrick Warburton]

I am not going to go to war with all the dangerous women in this world.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You would be.

[Patrick Warburton]

You'll know if I agree just by not.

[Adam Carolla]

You agree, you agree by not. There is no way that the relationship would be, I work all the time, pay for everything, and you just do whatever the fuck you want all the time.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, no, it wouldn't be that because obviously, you know, it's gotta be teamwork, right? So if the woman is making all the work, then you are Mr. Mom. That's it. And you are doing everything there. You know, you splitting stuff up.

[Adam Carolla]

When I was married, I'd made all the money, always made all the money. And my wife said, let's go look at new cars. And I said, you know, why don't we go look at the Genesis? Genesis is doing a lot of nice stuff. This is several years ago, but Genesis is. And Genesis makes a lot of really high, high end cars now. And so we went and looked at a Genesis and it was like $44,000. And she said, I'll take the Audi for 71. And I said, genesis is just as much car. And she said, yeah, I'll be driving the Audi.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, that's a hard argument for you to make, being that you have like a hundred cars.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying if we flip the script. If we flip the script. And she made all the money, went out every weekend and worked her fucking ass off. It'd be Genesis or nothing for me, I guess.

[Patrick Warburton]

Adam. But then again, you know, Paul Newman's race car in your garage with a number of other things, right? Yeah. So you know what I'll take the Audi.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm saying?

[Patrick Warburton]

I know what you're saying. At the same time, I'm going, you're not going to win that one. You're not.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but I would argue not winning that one because the other person's unreasonable is not a good. Not a good society. You're not going to win that fight with that homeless guy. You're not going to get shit smeared on you. Like. All right, all right. So Patrick out doing stand up Crazy. Speaking of the cars, we're at the Reno car museum last time.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I saw Patrick and I think you probably surprised people with your standup.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, you know, because I never did it. Really did it. I started headlining a year ago, you know, and so. And you know, it's gone well, but I always felt like I was sort of built for it, you know, and I just started writing and putting things together and going on the road and the show's built. And so, yeah, it's just been a year of touring. I mean, you know, you've been doing this for a while. I started doing this later in life, I'm sure. Your first year, though, which was when. How old were you when you started doing the standup?

[Adam Carolla]

I sort of have the same semi trajectory as you because I tried to do it early when there was nothing else to do but an open mic. I mean, I'm talking in the 80s and there was nothing else to do for me. I didn't see myself auditioning or sitcomming or any. I didn't figure that out. So I just did open mics. Sort of realized that it wasn't really my calling. I didn't feel comfortable. I knew I was not saying what I wanted to say, and I knew I was doing my impersonation of a standup. And I also knew I was like 21 and just didn't know anything.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's exactly when I did it. And I did it for like two months and then I just split. I ended up going away for four months to work on a project and I never went back. But I always regretted it. I always did regret it, even though it was a unique environment.

[Adam Carolla]

I then went into improv and sketch and that's what I did. And then radio and TV and stuff like that. So I didn't really. And then forgot about it. And then at some point at a later stage in life, like 15 years ago, just kind of got pushed out into doing performing. But it wasn't really stand up. It was like an evening with Adam Carolla or something like that.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, yeah. Which I never wanted this to be, you know what I'm saying? Because there are a lot of pitches early on, you know, you know, more industry anecdotal. I'm like, no, because then it becomes a night with like a stand up's gotta be stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree. And I did a sort of evening with for several years and then at some point I just went, you know, if you're gonna be a stand up, be a stand up.

[Patrick Warburton]

Right. And I would assume. Cause I don't know. But I would figure that your first year out, you were probably already going from clubs to theaters. Cause he had such a huge following and you have great perspective. It's such a funny storyteller. Which I always felt like that would have been. Cause when Mike told me that it'd only been. How many years has it been for you?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's hard to add them all up. Cause I never really did the workout at the home club. You gotta get up every night, you gotta work it out. Which a lot of comedians would say. I wouldn't. I'd just go do a theater and 10 days later I'd go do another theater. I wouldn't do anything in between. And it's really just in the last, I'd say five years that I really started to like focus and think and work out a little bit and craft things and write jokes and not just sort of do crowd work and that kind of stuff. So. Yeah, recent.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But because of it, like how many things you get better at where you can go, I'm better at 60 than I was at 55.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is nice, right?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, yeah. I've been running around long, you know, I've been going, I guess 75, but.

[Adam Carolla]

75 minutes.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, but you know, if they're, you know, you got an opener and they're doing 15 or whatever. That's right. I mean, that's good for, you know, a night in a club. You know, I'm saying it's actually not too long.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, that's the other thing too. I used to just go around, just do 90500 minutes, like every show. And then at some point someone goes, we gotta have an emcee and you gotta have an opener and you gotta have a middle, you know. And I was like, why I don't get all that stuff. And it was kinda like, that's how you do it. But I'll tell you, there is something to just go. Opener. Sorry, MC 10 minutes. Then the feature does like 15 or 20. And then you do just like a tight hour. But it's tight and it's jokes and it's enough. And it's like less where are you from? And more. Here's another concise premise, but I saw Patrick do stand up at the museum in Reno where my cars were, and I went to go watch. Cause I was like, I know Patrick, but I'm not, I don't know him to be a standup. And I thought it was. I remember thinking to myself, I was like, wow, this guy's good. Like he's really got something here. Like there's a. I mean, especially considering at the time, you know, been doing it for a relatively short period of time.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, well, thanks. That means a lot coming from you.

[Adam Carolla]

I did, I was like, oh, this guy's good. Stories are funny, stuff's good.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I'm running around now. I mean, my big, you know, Northeast tour is coming up on July 10th. I'm flying to New York, I gotta get a rental car. I'm gonna bring my sticks with me, obviously. And I am driving from city to city. It's New York, Connecticut, Jersey, you know, DC, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Philly. I'm a 60 year old road weary comic now, where I, you know, that stuff just is getting old, you know, but to a degree and it is, you know, the travel. I know you're kiting around probably in a private. Like, I don't want to say that Princess David Spade, because you were, you were a man and you were not a princess, but. And not that Davey's a princess and I'm already digging a hole here, but he's a little bit of a princess. Yeah, yeah. You know, so, yeah, I mean, I'm still, I'm doing that and it's okay. And you know what, it's funny, I feel like when they give me a check, it's the first time I felt like I've earned my money since I was working for 1, 2, 3 delivery back when I was like 22 years old, trying to make ends meet in LA where we didn't have FedEx. I would drive in my beat up old Volkswagen Fox with no air conditioning.

[Adam Carolla]

Fox.

[Patrick Warburton]

Or a radio in it.

[Adam Carolla]

The Fox.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes, the Fox. And I'd pick up a package and then I'd have to deliver it somewhere else in town and then I'd pick up a package and then I'd deliver it. And then when I would go back to my little hovel there, you know, I'd pop in my cult cd. I'd pop open a beer. And I felt like I earned that money. You know, I might play Working man by Rush. I mean, I really felt like a working man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, the Volkswagen Fox was the predecessor to the Jetta. If people are trying to figure out the fox there was, like, the rabbit. Oh. And then the fox would chase the rabbit.

[Patrick Warburton]

There we go. Good branding.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever put that one together? But I will say, and someone can look it up, the rabbit probably came out in like, 75. And the fox was more like 82 or something. Something like that. But think shit box when you think it wasn't special. Not special, but I agree with you. You feel like you earned it. And it's somewhere between a job as we knew it in show business. But, yeah, doing VO work for the family guy doesn't really feel like that.

[Patrick Warburton]

No. This. Write all your own material. You get out there, you fill the houses, you sell the tickets, you do the shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Sell some merch, if you can, after the show.

[Patrick Warburton]

I would never do the merch thing. I don't do merch.

[Adam Carolla]

But you say that, but I'm telling you, people like it. Well, for me, I have 10,000 books to sell. The Fox was 87 and 93.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way.

[Patrick Warburton]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, I agree. It's a good road. But the thing about. I know people complain about the road, and I feel like they're doing it unduly. Like, first off the road, as a comedian may not be driving to Burbank and starring in a sitcom with Tim Allen, getting paid millions of dollars. Okay. And it may not be shooting a movie with Brad Pitt, but compared to almost every other job in America, it's pretty fucking good.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, it is. I'm just saying. Cause it's, you know, it's a lot of time away. I've been doing more traveling this year than I've ever done in my life, which I never saw that coming. So now you know where I am, you know, now. Hanging out in Ventura. Got the, you know, the golf joint. All my buddies, we all play there. All my kids live in the area. We just became grandparents. So we got a. You know, it's just really chill being in Ventura, digging it. And I got my stuff to do at home. And again, you know, the golf, getting a little tequila. I was getting very, very comfortable. And then all of a sudden, this has been. You know, I don't want to call it a disruptor, because I'm very fortunate to be doing this. I'm having a lot of fun, but it's always It's a ton of fun, you know, doing the shows. It's just that, you know, the planes and getting around and, you know, driving from city to city.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you this, all right? There was a time in my life where traveling cross country on an airplane for five or six hours, I was like, oh, God, I don't want to sit there for. I did not look forward to it. I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to do. Then I got to the point in my life where I got so busy that I actually looked forward to the quiet of an airplane for six hours.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, get off the phone. Just chill.

[Adam Carolla]

Just not stare at the back of the seat. Not deal with anything. Yeah. Now when your home life gets disrupted, like, I got divorced and everything became a shit show, I started looking forward to leaving because I'm just somewhere not dealing with this. You know what I mean? So you gotta ruin your home life because the golf and the tequila and the never ending marriage and the grandchildren, that's all just shit you miss when you leave. You gotta fuck that up and then you'll be glad to leave. See what I'm saying here?

[Patrick Warburton]

I do. I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So give that some considerations. You'll be happy to fucking leave. And something happened to me along the way where I was just like, I don't mind being in some town that I've never been in before. Walking around on a Saturday, nothing to do.

[Patrick Warburton]

It's good. I've seen places I've never been to, that's for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So let me ask you this. I got a theory, and I think you're qualified, by the way Patrick is talking about, and that's why he's in here. Our film, When We Went Mad, the Unauthorized Story of Mad Magazine, which is out on Apple, Amazon, most digital platforms as well. It's really good. It's got a lot of really good names in it. Patrick does a great job on the VO on it. So that's the plug, but the theory. You ready? So speaking of being out and about, I was out in Henderson. I was doing six shows at Kimmel's show in Vegas, and I found myself going through Henderson. And I will tend to do things on the road that I couldn't, that I didn't really want to make time to do when I was here. Like, get a haircut. Yeah. Now I'll. For instance, if I got to trim my fingernails, I'll do it when I'm taking a walk. The reason I'll do it when I'm taking a walk is A, I don't like when you clip it and the nail pops and go shooting across the room and get stuck in some carpet or something and you never find it again.

[Patrick Warburton]

And you have to find it before your girlfriend or your wife steps on.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So also, I don't mind the fingernails landing on the ground when I'm hiking because I don't really look at that as litter, per se.

[Patrick Warburton]

No. You know, thrown Zinn packets. That's litter.

[Adam Carolla]

That's litter. Gum.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Banana peels. Stuff people can slip on. Yes. I walk and I trim.

[Patrick Warburton]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And then people go, that's weird. And I go, well, two reasons. A, I don't want to pick it up, but B, I'm not doing anything else.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I look at it as an efficiency thing. I'm going to spend this time. And while you guys burnt a couple calories taking a hike, which is great. I did that, but I trimmed my nails as well.

[Patrick Warburton]

You're a multitasker.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a multitasker. Homes.com Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched. To highlight the personality of each neighborhood, homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. The more info you're armed with, the better the decision you're going to make. Homes.com. that's homes.com. we've done your homework.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

All right, so when I go out, I'll oftentimes on a Saturday do a couple shows Friday night. Got a couple shows Saturday night. I got the day. I'll go get my hair cut. Now I'll go to super clips or sports clips or Fantastic Sam's or. Oh, you're almost shaved down, aren't you?

[Patrick Warburton]

I am, because I have such a shitty head of hair that I just decided screw it.

[Adam Carolla]

So good you don't need it. You got a Selleck esque mustache and A face that should be on Mount Rushmore. So I pull in to a sports clips in Henderson of a strip mall because all I have to do to cut my hair is just drive around. I'll show you. It's just a pube. It's a pile of pubes. And I get shorn like a sheep, you know, like, I wish I had.

[Patrick Warburton]

Your head of hair.

[Adam Carolla]

They just go number two on the side. They go. They buzz me like I'm at a pet. Like I'm in a pet grooming place. That's how they cut my hair. And I can go anywhere. And it's $19. All right. So when I was in Timonium, Timonia outside of Baltimore, doing stand up there, I just drove. I just walked around and found like a sports cut or whatever. Fantastic. Sand this one in 20 bucks hair. This is my second Henderson haircut. Just walking. So there are three kids in there. When I came walking in with the dad and the three kids were like 6, 9 and 10 or somewhere in that age range and they all had funky haircuts and the dad was explaining what they needed. This guy had it real short on the side and long on the back and what have you. And then he's given a dissertation on each kid and their hair cut and what he needed and what they wanted as a dad. Now I sat down and the woman went, what do you want? I said, just shorter. And then she went, what do you want on the back? Round or square? I go, I don't know, what is it Now? She goes, round. I go, okay, keep it round or dude, square. I'll never see it. So he's behind, you know, so this guy's going on this dissertation about the hair. And then I got one of the kids who got in the chair before me. He got there 10 minutes before me and now I'm done. And he's still putting the final touches on his hair. And he's 10 and he's got some 50 year old gay guy cutting his hair. And the kid's going, no, no, no, bring it up a little, take it a little off here, then bring it down there. The poor guy's, you know, it's $19 a haircut. Poor guy's living in Henderson, you know, he's taking orders from a 10 year old, you know. And I'm like, this is a hassle. And by the way, this, you're going to carry this all the way through your life. This particular hair thing getting attached to. Here's what I'm saying, what I'M saying is, my grandmother, when she was, like, 85, had very fine, thin hair. My mom and my grandmother had super thin, fine hair. They weren't bald. They were just very thin and very fine. And at some point, my grandmother's hairstylist moved out of town and relocated to, like, the Bay Area or something. And one day I was talking to her. She was 83, 84 years old. I go. She goes, well, I'm flying out to San Francisco to get my hair done. I go, really? Yeah. Flying out? Yeah, he moved out there, and he's the only one who can do my hair. And I'm like, yeah, him and every fucking body else. By the way, you've been married to grandpa for 50 years. Like, what, are you on Tinder now? Like, who gives a fuck? Just get your hair. I'll cut your hair. No, it's very fine. And he does fine hair. And I thought, oh, what a burden. You have to follow this person around. You have to pay a premium. You can't do what I do. You can't just be in Henderson for the afternoon and going to the sports clips at the strip mall. Right.

[Patrick Warburton]

It's a bit of a neurosis, I would say.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You know what I think it is? I think it's narcissism. Cause it's my hair, you know? Like, my grandmother was narcissistic, and she was like, only this guy can cut my hair. Not really willing to admit that you're not that special. These guys don't give a fuck. And you could do it on any corner. In North Hollywood where she lived, the.

[Patrick Warburton]

Landlord brought him to me years ago, and he is my yes now.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanted to have an intervention for these kids. Cause I want to go, look, this is a fucking lifetime of you going around and being super finicky about shit, you know? And by the way, I'm sizing you up and your dad up, too. You guys are gonna work doing septic tank repair when you're older for 21 bucks an hour. So who gives a fuck about your haircut?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You see what I'm saying?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Should I have done it?

[Patrick Warburton]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, every now and then, I think a dad needs to hear, I was in the gym the other day. If anybody wants to get on a machine, or they always ask, they go, how many. How many more sets do you have? Let's go. Do you want to work in? You want to work in? Always give them that option. And, you know, and then, like, so, like, I'm in the gym the other day. And, like, there's this kid, he's like, you know, 20 years old, and he's on. There's only one machine in the gym. And I asked politely, I go, hey, is there any way I could work in? And he goes, I've just got a few more sets. So I get the. No. And then he's just sitting on it, just staring at his phone. Just staring at it.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I'm back at the machine.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the machine?

[Patrick Warburton]

I'm back there in the machine. It's like that. Like, fly. You know, for a fly thing. Yeah, something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Patrick Warburton]

And then I very politely just go, hey, when somebody's waiting, if you're not gonna let them work in, and you're just, you know, looking at your phone, it's a little bit rude. And he just goes, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. And I go, whoa. I go, I know you don't care. And that's why I'm just mentioning that to you right now. So I actually wanted to punch his father more than one of his. None of my boys would behave that way. You know, in this world that some just feel so entitled and just. They're just naturally just, you know, assholes and just don't know better about dealing or it's a narcissistic thing, perhaps, where you don't care about other people.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right.

[Patrick Warburton]

I just don't understand the dad.

[Adam Carolla]

So the dad is one of these dudes where he has, like, a shaved head but a huge beard, and he's cultivating a look, and he's up there with the poor woman. These women, they make. It's $19 a haircut. They're doing. You know, they're doing 41 haircuts a day. They're on their fucking feet sweeping up people's hair. First off, God bless them. Always give them a. It's the only time I tip more than the actual thing I'm tipping on.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The haircut's 19. I gave her a $22.22 tip just because I just stayed on the two. I didn't feel like lifting my hand.

[Patrick Warburton]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember how I cut my nails when I walked?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Super efficient. Right? And what's the difference between 20 bucks and 22?

[Patrick Warburton]

22.

[Adam Carolla]

22 change, too. I never lift my finger.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So this guy's up there, and he's like, we have an appointment for my three boys. And the three boys are all just sitting there like again, 6, 8, 11, you know. And she's like, okay. She's a Egyptian woman. And you can tell she's just fucking hard working person who came here from a different country and has got the language but still has an accent. And he's like, well, boys need haircuts, you know. And then she's like, okay. And she's like, he's like, hezekiah wants it short on the side and long on the back. And Zeke wants. And she goes, I don't know who those people are. Like, I don't know. I haven't memorized the names of your fucking six year old son, you fucking retard. You narcissistic piece of shit. Who's like calling them by their name. Like she's committed it to memory. But I realized, oh, this guy's a fucking huge narcissist. Right? And now his son's up there, his 10 year old, calling the shots, you know, with the 50 year old guy with the one stud in his ear. Like, I was like, I like the earring guy. Like, you work at a fantastic Sam's in Henderson in a strip mall and you're 51. You really think the stud that's going to change anyone's mind?

[Patrick Warburton]

I don't know. Did it work with Harrison Ford? I remember when he put one in.

[Adam Carolla]

Harrison Ford got the hoop long after he was established. I do like, I do like hoop earring. I don't know. On their 62nd birthday, they decided it was time to get a hoop earring. Who could you hang out with less? Forget about Harrison Ford. Just regular dude. You ready? Dude who decides after the age of 65 to get a piercing? Dude like a stud in his ear or dude who wears a leather baseball cap.

[Patrick Warburton]

Ooh, that's close.

[Adam Carolla]

That's tough, right?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, that's tough.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw a guy in the casino with a leather, like all leather baseball hat. And I'm like, I love a baseball hat. But no, not leather, all leather baseball hat. You gotta go to lunch with one of them.

[Unknown]

Patrick.

[Patrick Warburton]

I made the mistake of getting one of those years ago. Like 20 years ago, we were on the set of rules or something and I think I showed up with one. And I think it was Davey who set me straight. And I was like, oh, shit. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

You showed up in a leather baseball.

[Patrick Warburton]

I think I did. Yeah. But now keep in mind, I would have only been about 40 then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

And it was a mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a mistake.

[Patrick Warburton]

And I realized that, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

I didn't wear it into A casino. I did mistakenly wear it to set and that was it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, let me give you a third option, all right? Guy who pulls hair through hole in baseball cap in the back. So you got to go to lunch with either stud earing guy who got it after the age of 65, all leather baseball hat guy, or hair through hole and back of standard baseball hat guy.

[Patrick Warburton]

You know, I already can't shut my damn mind up about anything and everything. And that's why I try not to worry myself with things like that. Now you've got me. There's so much consternation. You gotta go. I don't. This is what, you know, fuck, kill or what. Yeah, Mary, Yeah, right, okay. You know, the guy with the hair out the back of the baseball cap is just a flex, you know what I'm saying? You know, somebody like me, you know, who's trying to. Yeah, yeah, they're deprived, you know, that's, that's going to be off putting. I don't know. I think at the age of 65, getting an earring. I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

10 seconds.

[Patrick Warburton]

Earring, earring.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, listen, I'm not going to make a case for a leather baseball hat. I will say this leather baseball hat guy, probably black and has a son in the NBA. So at least you could talk about that.

[Patrick Warburton]

Then it's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so this guy, if you have.

[Patrick Warburton]

A son in the NBA, then anything you wear or whatever is cool. And like, maybe I should. You know what? The leather baseball cap is cool again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Cause he's probably got one of those great outfits.

[Patrick Warburton]

Why do we think the leather baseball cap is uncool? Why is it.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if it's a scent thing. Like, God damn, that thing must smell after a couple weeks when you weren't around. There's just something. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why it flies in the face of a baseball cap. Baseball caps are purpose built. There's a reason to wear. And making it out of leather. It would be like if somebody said like, I'm gonna make these climbing shorts for free. Climbing out of leather. You know, you kind of go like, eh.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well here's why I made my mistake of buying the leather baseball cap. I guess because, you know, my wife grew up with their five sisters. Her father sold insurance, had to take three mortgages around their house. Always, always very thrifty. My wife shops at TJ Maxx, Ross, Target, this or that. I don't go shopping. So I remember I was like on Melrose and I'M walking in some of these stores on Melrose and I'm never in the fancy places. I'm killing time. I'm like, oh, my God, a leather baseball cap. That's special. How much is that?

[Adam Carolla]

$50.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I'm gonna have the only one, I guess. And then I get it. And then afterwards I realize, david, she told you. Yeah. He goes, that's. Yeah, you can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I bought cowboy boots once and my friends shot it down and I couldn't wear them ever again.

[Patrick Warburton]

Why? Because you ain't no cowboy. You ain't western to.

[Adam Carolla]

Just like you're from North Hollywood. Fucking cowboy boots. And they just said, get the fuck out here.

[Patrick Warburton]

Nothing like a pair of black gator cowboy boots.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you can pull it off. I. You don't hang around with my friends either. They're pretty. They're like spade, except for they don't have a sense of humor. But they will punch you. So that was a separate thing. Violent just to each other?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Not really. A little bit to society, but mostly to each other. So I'm gonna tell my son, you got boys. Three, and they're impressive. And maybe it's too late to pass this information on, but my words of wisdom will be, do not get particular with your haircut. Go anywhere, it'll all grow back. It's just you. I was happy to speak to my son yesterday and I said, how's it going? And he said, good. And he goes, I got a haircut today. And I go, where'd you go? And he goes, I just walked to the place. You should be able to walk any place and get your fucking haircut if you live in town. And that means you don't care. He doesn't care. Which is good.

[Patrick Warburton]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm glad the two pieces because it'll slow you down, it'll cost you money. Big picture, no one gives a fuck. You're not special. And by the way, the guy at the sports clips or the chick at the sports, exactly the same as a super expensive high end haircut for me.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, it's true. Look, all I do now is I just take an electric razor and just do it myself.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? The other one, a little more controversial when it comes to masturbation. Don't get married to Lube. It's a fickle mistress. You're going to get trapped without lube. You're going to be camping, you're going to be using shampoo and hurt yourself. Don't get married to Lube.

[Patrick Warburton]

No, I never have been I did enough. I did enough experimenting in my youth. You know that. Yeah, no, I go dry.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, here's what I would wish. Be able to pull it off standing up. Go dry and get your haircut wherever you want.

[Patrick Warburton]

The world will be your ocean. I only agree with the haircut wherever you want.

[Adam Carolla]

The lube, once you get married to lube, you have to like, travel. You have to travel with it. There's discussions. I know, guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Patrick Warburton]

There's lotion, there's conditioner. You could just use hotel conditioner if you need. I guess these are just theories. Spitballing. I'm just spitballing. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Spitballing.

[Patrick Warburton]

If you're in a fucking tent, you're spitting in your hand. Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm saying if you can go dry, it's an easier run. That's all.

[Patrick Warburton]

That's rough. That's third world right there. We do not.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say it's kind of like dipping. It's like when you dip, you have to kind of have your dip cup. You got. It's a little bit of a hassle.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't want to do it on the airplane.

[Patrick Warburton]

No Zen rules or any of the, you know, those.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Patrick Warburton]

Nicotine, tobacco free.

[Adam Carolla]

Other questions for you. All right. I do like. And I like watching with your stand up as well. But I mean, your mom's parents story is so crazy and unlikely that it's just insane. It really is. I mean, the fact that you can be on the Family Guy. What year are you on? 27. What the.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah. Cause I think it started back in like 98. It was on two years, got canceled and then brought back and it's been on ever since.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you on in the first?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you've been there since Jump Street?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And the fact that your mom organized a boycott of the Family Guy because of its salacious material, that's one of the only things that's insane.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, that's one of the only things, you know. Cause you know, when I do it and I do my show at 75 minutes, I don't even. I don't even talk about, you know, Seinfeld or anything.

[Unknown]

I do.

[Patrick Warburton]

One of the industry anecdotes I do talk about, just because it is insane is that. And I talk about how my mother works for the Parents Television Council and that their biggest fish to fry is to get a show called Family Got Theater. So my mother actually did present me with a petition one time to sign to get family off the air. And yeah, that's, you know. So I go into a whole bit about that, how she. Ironically enough, I was actually helping mom support mom and dad with the time, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the money.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah. Yeah. So I had a time for her.

[Adam Carolla]

And I go, mom, I go, mom.

[Patrick Warburton]

I know that you're. I'm aware of the fact that you are laundering Family Guy money through the Parents Television Council in the Catholic Church. I wish you wouldn't do that. And she goes, don't take that away from me. So, yes, Quite curious, yes. There'd be their take and behavior.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy on the workout equipment who sees you, shoes you away, and then sits on that equipment and looks at his phone. I always ask this question, are we secretly jealous? There's a part of me that's jealous of that guy, that he can just do that. I could never. In a hundred. First off, it'd be like, oh, sorry, work in. But secondly, if I said I'm just wrapping it up and then sat there on my phone while you could see him on his phone, he knew you were standing around. Yeah. Is there any part of you that's a little jealous? People go like, oh, fuck that douchebag. But I'm like, just that notion of being able to not feel.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I'm not jealous because I wouldn't want to go walk around this world being out of tune or so perhaps narcissistic, or only concerned about you and not giving a shit about anybody else. It's like, what is the world that one lives in now listen, too. Maybe he was just having a bad day. So I'm not gonna break it down to that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

But you walked up to this apparatus and said, can I work in?

[Patrick Warburton]

Very positive. But I always do this. I mean, my kids make fun of me. I'll even put my hands together almost like I'm praying, like, any chance I could work in with you? You know what I'm saying? It's like, you know, is kindness levels. No. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

He says, no.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah. And it's really frustrating because I let anybody work in, and I always, you know, even if they come in with a little bit of an attitude, like, how many more sets do you have? Well, I have a few, but if you'd like to work in, you can work in.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he sits on that little bench seat thing that comes out, the little jump seat. And he just sits there and looks at his phone.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're standing where?

[Patrick Warburton]

Behind. So I'm not staring right at him. I'm just standing behind, just patiently waiting.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Patrick Warburton]

And you Know, after just, you know, it's not like he's, you know, dealing with, he's going through his Instagram or this or that. And it's, it's, it's, it's quite a period of time. It's an uncomfortable period of time to the point where it's like, you know, if you're just going to sit there and just look at your phone, you know, if somebody's waiting, right, you know what I'm saying? You could always just pop up and they could do a set, you know, because that's rude. And he just goes, I don't care, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

It's reminds me, one time a million years ago, I was at Tribeca for the film festival because we'd showed my movie the Hammer there. And afterward we had like a party or an event or someone, I don't know, meet in the lobby, the Tribeca Hilton Hotel. And everyone's going there to have some drinks to celebrate. And we went there and the DJ was, you know, this kid basically, and it was just so loud you couldn't hear. And everyone is sitting around trying to have a cocktail. And I found myself like leaning across the table spitting on people, trying to talk. I can't hear you. Cause it was, the jam was pumping so hard, you know, but everyone was sitting and they always do what they do. They go, we'll get a dj. And it's like, don't fucking do that. And so there's a bunch of middle aged folks who just came from the film festival that are trying to have a conversation and a cocktail, cocktail. And nobody can hear anything because it's so fucking loud in there. And at some point I just got up and I just walked up to his DJ booth and I went, I probably did the praying hands. You do. And I go, do you think you bring it down, Turn it down just a little bit because people are trying to talk and it's really hard to hear. And he goes, nope. And I go, I don't think people are, you know. I said, do you see anybody dancing? Nobody's dancing. We're just trying to have a conversation. And he goes, yeah, well, so what? You know. And I just went, nobody likes this music. And he goes, I like it.

[Patrick Warburton]

I was like, what the fuck?

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, these people should be hit with a fucking snow shovel and their face should take the shit shape of the snow shovel like in a cartoon.

[Patrick Warburton]

Read the Room. Listen to people. Be human.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

We're, we've got. We've got some humdingers, we got some young people. We made a huge tactical error in this country and I've been screaming about it for a million years. Where we decided the young people was where it was at. We need that demo. What demo? 18 to 34. We gotta get em. And I'm like, these people are fucking dumb and they're poor. So fuck them. But what about the demo? Everyone's always like, the kids, the kids. The kids have so much wisdom. They're gonna lead the future. They're fucking narcissistic retarded pricks who stare at porn all day and eat edibles. And they're fucking worthless pieces of shit. And they have no skill set. They don't know how to do anything. Fuck.

[Patrick Warburton]

They're just not all that way, you know, like my three boys, you know, they all work really hard. They Surround themselves with. They have awesome friends I hang out with, I spend more time hanging out with these young guys.

[Adam Carolla]

There is a chasm. No, they are. There's going to be a huge chasm between your sons and the guy at the gym. There's going to be a big problem and the folks that are looking for sort of equity and people, you know. What about the folks in the middle? No, no, there's gonna be a group of super achievers and a group of fat, lazy, self entitled pricks and they're gonna slough off and life's gonna suck for them.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You agree?

[Patrick Warburton]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Your son's still in this, I don't wanna say space program, but one son that was very much interested in that role.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, he's a pilot and he's a flight instructor now. He was gonna go, go military, but he got married and just didn't want to have to disappear for 10 years, you know. So he is flying in the area and every day, hours and hours a.

[Adam Carolla]

Day, what carriers he fly for.

[Patrick Warburton]

He's a flight instructor right now. So he's, you know, but he's, he's taking meetings right now. So, you know, he's gonna, he's gonna get out of that and do other things. But, you know, it's so interesting. I have my car, this is like just a few weeks ago, I got my car parked directly behind my wife's car. Directly behind my wife's car.

[Adam Carolla]

Your vet?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah. And she's got to walk by my car to get into her car. She gets into it and backs into my car. This is in our driveway, gets in and backs into my car. I am talking. So we got Shane on the speaker the next day and he's talking about my pilot's son.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

So he's talking about how he had gone up, he'd gone up, he had taken somebody on an instrument flight. They're on instrument, full instrument program. And they're coming back. It's at nighttime, so they're navigating, coming back. He realizes that he'd read a note three days before that the taxiways at Camarillo were going to be down late at night and so you couldn't land in Camarillo, so now they've got to divert and land in Oxnard. And he was filling this whole story up with a multitude of things and all those things that you have to deal with as a pilot, you know, in regards to navigating ifr, nighttime, this and that. And Kathy gets on and goes, oh my God, Shane, you and I are the same. You're doing the same thing. We did the same thing. I backed into your dad's car. How does you walking by my car and backing into it have anything to do with a pilot who forgot he read a notam? Out of all the jillions of things and abbreviations in regards to multitasking and flying a plane at night on ifrs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Have to do with you backing into my car that you just walked by? It just.

[Adam Carolla]

It is great. Women can do that. They do that. They'll do that. Any woman with a small dog goes, he thinks he's a person. He thinks he's a person. I don't think he thinks that, but okay. They can do a lot of that grafting on stuff. You know what I've realized? I was men. I was in a lumberyard today. I was at Anwalt Lumber today. I will say this. Everybody, please listen, I looked it up. I bought some drywall from Anahwalt Lumber and Anwalt. Look, it's all Home Depot and Lowe's now, and everyone goes to Home Depot. But I want to say this. A sheet of drywall at Home depot is like 11 bucks. 10 bucks. 11 bucks. And the Anahwalt stuff was like 1350 or something like that. So people, sheet of plywood, three quarter, tongue and groove subflooring that I bought was like 41 bucks. And at Home Depot, I think it was like 38 bucks or something that you can go into the local lumber yard. First off, there's dudes behind the counter who know what the fuck they're doing. Like, same four dudes were there 20 years ago when I went in there. You walk in, sometimes they know your name. You stand there and you go, yeah, give me three sheets of cdx, three quarter, good. One side, subfloor, tongue and groove. And they'll go like, all right. And you go, they have OSB subfloor. And they'll go, no, we just have the cdx. And you go, all right, well, that's good. I'll take that. And then five inch. And they give you a piece of paper, you hand it to a guy. You just go get in your truck, and they drop it on a forklift in the back of your truck. And then you leave.

[Patrick Warburton]

So, better?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you just saved about an hour. And then everyone's trying to go, I'm gonna shave three bucks a sheet of drywall off. But you buy five sheets of drywall and now you've saved 15 bucks. But you've been there for an hour. So what's your fucking time worth? And God forbid you have to return anything or deal with anything. It's all. Or you need any information. You can sit there and talk about edge metal with those guys and stuff and just, they know the business. I'd say it's a much better experience, it's much faster. And, you know, people understand the idea of going to a nice restaurant versus Jack in the Box. It's not all about bottom line, like, what's the price? Like, what's the experience like, and what's your time worth?

[Patrick Warburton]

Shop, Anna Walt.

[Adam Carolla]

Shop Anna Walt. Yeah, I'm just telling everyone now, those guys, when you're backing the truck around, they're conducting an orchestra. They're like, this guy's coming this way, backing it up. Bring it in, bring it in. Like, I just dealt with this. Like, that's all they do is guide you back it in. Guy's got the forklift, he's dropping the stuff off. That's all they do all day. Women. I had a woman who just stood behind my car. It was my ex wife, and I was trying to, like, back out of the driveway, and I was looking at her in the mirror the whole time, and she was just standing there with her arms at her side. And I was like, am I gonna hit those trash cans? And I'm looking at her the whole time, just looking, looking, looking. At some point, I just hit the trash cans. And then she goes, why'd you hit the trash cans? I was like, you're standing by the trash cans. I'm watching you. You're motionless the whole time. And every guy I know's hands would go up. They would do the thing, you know, with the hand. Mexican guys will do the whistle when you get too close. That's a safety thing. It's a dude thing, the guide thing and the spatial thing that women don't do. I don't know why not their thing. If a guy is randomly walking down the sidewalk and some guy's backing a gardener's truck out of a driveway, you will stop and actually jump in and start guiding the guy like a traffic cop. No woman's ever done that.

[Patrick Warburton]

There's a little bit I do my show where I talk about, you know, my daughter diagnosed me with ADHD last year, you know, and I go, she didn't. I go, she has a medical degree, but she has TikTok and an unearned confidence and spent the night at a Holiday Inn. Which I go, but, you know, so I call my doctor and I go, this Is embarrassing. But my daughter says I have ADHD. And like, within 10 minutes, he's writing me a script.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Patrick Warburton]

I'm like, how much do I pay you an hour? But it takes 10 minutes. My daughter, you know, And I go, because women are brilliant. They're intuitive that way. And that gets the ladies all excited. Then I go, it's not. This is. Speaking of spatial cognizance, I go, it ain't all gravy. Over 70% of all architects are men. Because women don't have the same spatial cognizance. They've done scans on their brains, and that's a fact. And I go, that's why you don't want to give them directions or driving you anywhere. And then that's when they come after me. And then I go right back into. You know, how my wife ignores me. So. But that. That is. That is a fact. So that's one of those things I threw in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she really? Do you think you have adhd? I do. First off, I didn't know what that is.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I didn't either, really. And then, you know, when I talked to my daughter, it just was all, you know, spelled out, what do you have? Listen, when I. I could never, ever. And I think that it presents itself in different ways for me. I could just never focus in school. Half of it, I feel like, was just. Could give a shit. When I, you know, I rode crew at Orange Coast College, you know, this would be another. This was another problem was that I'd come to school after rowing boats for two hours, and I'd be exhausted. I hadn't discovered coffee yet, so I would fall asleep in every auditorium class I had. But I just slowly stopped going and sort of felt my way out of class. But even in high school, I was that way in regards to, you know, focus and whatnot. And she goes in the fact that you always need stimulation. You go from your coffee to your Zen all day or whatever, nicotine, stuff like that. And so I just talked about those things with my doc. He's like, yeah, you have it, and here's your prescription.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, is it possible that nobody had ADHD and now everyone has it or was undiagnosed?

[Patrick Warburton]

It was undiagnosed. There's a spectrum for everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think, well, there is a spectrum for everything. And the only reason is I'm just. I don't like this new world order where everyone has something and is taking something for it.

[Patrick Warburton]

I don't either. Look, it obviously wasn't that disruptive for me, I was able to eke out a career and manage a work and make a living. But there are things that can actually help. So I'm on a relatively low dose of Adderall, which I don't take every day, but I do find that it helps with focus and whatnot.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the. I think the coffee and the nicotine and all that stuff is something that we've grown into as a society. Like, we both grew up drinking from a hose, and it wasn't a thing. And I never had anything in my hand. There was never a cup of coffee. There's never an energy drink. There was no Starbucks. There was no anything. We just sort of leave the house when you're a kid. And that was it. There was a drinking fountain at the park, drinking fountain at school, and that was it. And then there became this thing where you sort of became like, baseball players sitting on the bench. You know, where's my dip? Where's my seeds? It's like, I don't know. How about you just sit there? I need seeds. You really need sunflower seeds. I need something to do. It's like, how about watching a baseball game or do your fucking job or whatever?

[Patrick Warburton]

You know Copenhagen? That started with me when I was a junior in high school, because all the wrestlers were dirtbags and they all chewed tobacco. So it's like I had to do that to hang.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I get it. I play baseball. Like, guys dipped and all that stuff. I'm just saying. I think this thing where I find myself walking around with a bottle of water everywhere I go is unnecessary. I don't need to hydrate.

[Patrick Warburton]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I sit in air conditioning. I drive an automatic car with the windows rolled up and the air blowing. Like, what's with the hydration everywhere? It's just a form of habit now. It's just like, where's my stuff? Where's my stuff?

[Patrick Warburton]

Who wants a coffee?

[Adam Carolla]

Where's my stuff? Who's going to Starbucks? Anyone making a Starbucks run, I make a Starbucks run. You know what I mean? It's a little ugly American. It's super unnecessary. And it didn't exist in our former lives at all.

[Patrick Warburton]

No, we drank when we were thirsty. But two. Because I've been reading recently that they are saying they might have gone a little overboard with the whole hydration thing. Hydration's important.

[Adam Carolla]

They've gone over. They've gone overboard with everything. I used to scream into a microphone 25 years ago, how come when no one was hydrating, everyone was skinny? Now everyone's hydrating and everyone's fat. You'll drink when you're fucking thirsty. You'll pee when you have to pee. You can't come and hook a pump up to my dick and suck urine out all day. I'll fucking take a piss when I have to take a piss. It's all bullshit. It's all bullshit. It is. And everybody's on the spectrum and everyone's on some medication and everyone is sympathetic to everyone's shit. And no one ever just goes, put the fucking energy drink down. Get your shit together. You don't need a fucking bottle of water. It gets pushed by women all the time. It's like, hydrate, hydrate. You need hydration. Women are so freaked out about hydration. I got a lab, I had a lab that was a 110 pound black lab. And when I would walk this dog through my neighborhood during the summer, women would pull over in their cars like, she needs some water. I got some water in the back. I'll drain the radiator for the car. I'll cut my hands. I'd be like, he's fine, he's fine. We're walking. Thank you, thank you. Literally multiple women pulling over in SUVs, wanting to hydrate my dog because it's black and it's big and it's summertime and we're taking a walk and it's a disorder. They have a female canine hydration disorder, I would call it. They have it. Women are nuts, obsessed with water. Every construction site I was on, fucking me and the Mexicans just worked all fucking day. If you're thirsty, you got suck off the hose. There's no Gatorade, there's no energy drinks. I just read this stupid article. What was that article, Dawson? We're just reading about NPR and they don't want this snap, you know, Kennedy doesn't want to pay. He doesn't want food stamps to go toward energy drinks or shitty poisonous drinks. Essentially, the government does not need to subsidize your fucking 14 year old shitty habits that are bad for them, that are, by the way, gonna cost us more money when the kid has diabetes in his 30s. And then we're gonna have to take care of your fat, fucking lazy kid. So he just went, I don't want to pay for it. But of course, NPR had to get involved and take the side of the fucking kids that were drinking the poison with the corn syrup and the red dye number seven in it. So we fucking lost our bearings.

[Patrick Warburton]

That is, you know, a concern because.

[Adam Carolla]

The Article is great.

[Patrick Warburton]

And every now and then a story comes up where some kid drank, you know, three monsters instead two, and then ends up dying because of, you know, heart rate or.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, the story is NPR lies and they just hate. Well, so here's the deal. NPR hates Trump, so de facto they hate Kennedy. So anything Kennedy says, they just push against. Not because they're not a news organization, they're a fucking. They're an arm of the Democratic Party. That's why the right wants them defunded, because they're not doing news. But anyway, for teenagers, soda and energy drinks occupy a unique role. It's a kind of a social currency for them. She says, I don't have the top part of this, but it's the daughter or the mom. It's the mom on snap. It's the mom saying, I need more money from the government so I can buy Red Bulls for my fucking kids. Her 17 year old daughter Olivia confirms this dynamic. I feel like when you walk into first period in the morning, everyone has a Red Bull or an energy drink. It's a social construct for sure, says Olivia, who needs free shit from us so she can feel like she's part of a group that's poisoning themselves in homeroom. Fuck that. Start drinking water, bitch. I don't give a fuck. And if your mom wants to use her own money to poison you, that's her fucking business. I don't want to subsidize it. And by the way, how about you just get over it? You can walk into class and everyone can be drinking a Red Bull and you can just fucking have your hands in your pockets. How about that world? I'll live in that world. You'll end up better off than these people. By the way, the mom's fat and I'll bet the fucking kids are fat too. So get your shit together people, would ya? Now it's not their fault they're dumb. It's our fault for enabling them. It's the dad's fault for not telling the three fucking kids. The fucking barber will cut your hair out. He fucking wants. Now shut up.

[Patrick Warburton]

I always used to go to the cbs. Did you ever do that? The ski races at Deer Valley, did.

[Adam Carolla]

You ever go to those water keepers?

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, no, I'm saying in race, you know, celebrity race they did on skis, whatever. They televised the whole deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Patrick Warburton]

The waterkeepers who Kennedy was ahead of was. They took care of all the waters, trying to keep all the waterways and waters clean in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

He's an environmental attorney before that.

[Patrick Warburton]

Remarkable. The work that he did. You know, it used to be that if you caught a fish in the Hudson river, that's toxic. It was toxic, and it's no longer toxic. You can literally catch a fish in the Hudson and now eat it because he sued dupont, which just polluted that for billions of dollars, and had to clean those waterways of the Hudson. But, you know, remarkable things. I always remember whenever I saw him speak, he was incredibly sharp and intuitive. And the work that he did worldwide in regards to cleaning waterways which are imperative to the health of the world, that was fantastic. And I always felt like, you know, one day or another I thought that he'd probably run for president, which he ended up doing.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but now they have to smear him. He ain't roadkill. He's a weirdo. Fuck you. He's smarter than all you. He's done good. He doesn't want kids to drink poison and he doesn't want the government to subsidize kids who drink poison. And by the way, that shit ain't cheap. How much are you ready? How much is like a Monster Energy drink? Because it's the price of a fucking dozen eggs. So if you're having trouble feeding your fucking kids, perhaps you should spend that 599 on a dozen eggs or some beans and rice or other things of sustenance to feed your kids. A sack of apples or something like that versus poison. How about that?

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, that does sound like common sense, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to know what is a dozen eggs in this man's world?

[Dawson]

Well, Monster energy drink is $2.49 for.

[Adam Carolla]

A 16 ounce can. Where's that at?

[Patrick Warburton]

That's six eggs.

[Dawson]

That's what Target is selling it for.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, you went to the cheapest place to find Monster Energy drinks. But if you go into a bodega or something.

[Dawson]

Let me look at all the bodega's websites.

[Patrick Warburton]

Hang on.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but it is. If you buy it at Costco or Target or whatever, it's going to be the cheapest. It's going to be, but I don't think this chick's going into a Target. I think she's going into a 711 or an a.m. p.m. Or whatever on her way in. All right, so it's basically 230 to 330 for a 16 ouncer.

[Dawson]

Yes, 16 ounce, $2.49 at Target. At Target, probably three bucks over. Three bucks at a. At a liquor store?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it says three bucks and change at a. At a liquor store. Or so. All right, what's a Red Bull? Red bulls are like 10 ounces, 9 ounces or something. Like weird, weird Euro measurement thing. They can't be 16. Your fucking head would explode. All right, how much is. How much is a dozen eggs? And I'll do the math. The point is, you shouldn't be feeding your kid this shit. Your kids shouldn't even be on all this caffeine. We never drank coffee or had energy drinks or anything like that when we were kids.

[Patrick Warburton]

No, but I would have gotten an education actually if I had grabbed.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you rode crew from 4:30 in the morning till 8 at night and then went in for your class. Red bull is 8.4 ounces. That's funny. I said 8 or 9 ounces. It's a weird 8.4 ounces. Whenever there's a funky number, think metric.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

If you measure something like if you go, what's that tile? Is that tile? Is that 1 foot by 24? And they go, it's 23 and 3. 16 by 11 and 9 16. It's a metric size. That's what I'm saying.

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, okay. So whenever it doesn't really fit a standard, just like easy monster.

[Adam Carolla]

16 ounces, 8.4. That's a translation from X. Metric size.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah. It's an American company, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Red Bull?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't think it is. I don't think it started as an American company. I'm just saying it'll be around whatever number. All right. Dozen eggs, 261 currently. So the 261 for a dozen eggs falls right in between a monster energy drink. Cheap end, 230. High end, 330. And my synopsis was correct. Basically, for the price of a monster energy drink, you can get a dozen eggs, which is the best thing your fucking kid could eat. And if you're truly hungry and you truly can't make enough money to feed your kids, then no, you should not be squandering it on something that is bad for your child. You should buy a dozen fucking eggs. Yes. And by the way, NPR should be championing that, not arguing with Kennedy. But again, they're just being adversarial. They don't really believe what they're saying. Thoughts, Patrick?

[Patrick Warburton]

Hmm?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you have three sons.

[Patrick Warburton]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you rather them have a monster and energy drink for breakfast or two poached eggs?

[Patrick Warburton]

2 poached eggs.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, you've made my point. All right, we'll take a break. Want to hang out with do a little news?

[Patrick Warburton]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Patrick, hang out. We'll bring in mayhem. We'll do some news right after this. O'reilly Auto Parts Funny, I was going up foothill in my old neighborhood of La Crescenta today, earlier today, and I passed the old O'Reilly I used to frequent back in the day when it was rented a house with three dudes in La Crescenta. That was 30 plus years ago. And O'Reilly still there, looking good. Made me happy. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts and knowledge you need for all your maintenance and repairs. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're gonna find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly. So stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us at O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam this summer, Pluto TV is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Dawson]

To check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Ace man John from Northern California, I am all with you on the tip rant of yours, but I'll tell you one blue collar job you're forgetting about that tips are expected and that's hunting and fishing guide. Those guys work their ass off and fight mother nature day in and day out and they definitely deserve their tips because those guys work for it. So love the show. Keep it up. Basement.

[Dawson]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you tip those guys. But that's not a real job. I mean, I don't know what percentage of Americans are, are hunting guys, you know, less than 30, I'd say. I, it's, I'm just, I, I in all things of life, you know. Okay, let me explain something. Now. I like this guy. Don't get me wrong. Tip your tip your hunting guide. Almost everybody I speak to, who I go, listen, you gotta, you gotta have a dad and a mom, family, they gotta focus on discipline, education. And the problem with the black community is too many dads are gone and the kids don't have that structure. And they go, I know a black kid whose dad was a junkie and was in prison and he now runs Nabisco. And I go, okay, good. But that's not gonna happen very often. I need. I don't wanna focus on outlier shit, which everyone does. I wanna focus on the norm, like what's causational and all that kind of stuff. And I like blue collar guys. The guys I should have tipped. The guys in the yard at Anahualt Lumber who loaded up my drywall versus the barista at the Starbucks. That's what I'm saying. Hunting guide, fishing guide's good, but that's a, you know. Hundred guys on the planet do that gig. All right, we got news with mayhem over there.

[Unknown]

Got some news? Yeah. Five people were arrested in Santa Ana for allegedly assaulting police officers who were trying to arrest a man for drinking in public. A now viral video of the incident's being reviewed as a part of a use of force investigation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, cops are gonna start shooting people again. People. Cuz there is no. It's so funny. Every time. Every time. Karen Bass, mayor of Los Angeles, or Gavin Newsom, they always go, these people are scared. Like, they're scared. They're scared, okay? Stop bum rushing the guys you're scared of and go fucking hide on the other side of the street. But we'll watch it. They're holding down a guy, they're arresting a guy that came running at the cop. They pushed a cop. People would never fucking put their hands on cops when I was younger. Now they're just fucking trading with them a little context.

[Unknown]

This video starts a little bit late. Ten seconds before that, what happened was as they are arresting this man for drinking in public, a lady comes up and puts her hands on the cop, and the cop snatched her to the ground. Then it incited a whole group of people, you know, kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it, I get it. Don't put your hands on cops. That's it. Just fucking leave them alone, you assholes. And they know you can't. They know everyone's got a camera and no one can get shot anymore. But start fucking shooting people.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it looked like he draws down on that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. We gotta shoot somebody. In order to clean this up, we need a little Kent State action. Just a little. Just Jordan, Ohio, full on.

[Unknown]

Huh? Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Just shoot two people. We don't need to do four.

[Unknown]

See, as a martial artist, I'm a little mad about the technique used in this video. This overhand swing was pretty weak. And honestly, this cop right here gases out immediately. Yeah, there's no training in these guys. They gotta get in the room.

[Adam Carolla]

At least the one guy's trying to. I am Telling you the fear. There's two fears that we lost. We lost fear of law enforcement and fear of dad. And our society's turned to a piece of shit ever since we stopped fearing dad and law enforcement. And they go, well, why do you want the public? Yes, I want them scared. I do. It prevents them from getting shot because you may get shot when you go up and start wrestling with cops. Also, cops have a gun on them, so they don't really like to wrestle because you can take the gun from them. So anyway, we gotta shoot somebody.

[Unknown]

What the hell?

[Adam Carolla]

Strange way to advocate if one fucking cop just went, fuck you and just shot the guy in the face. Like the guy who in the Capitol. That guy just shot a chick in the face. We applaud that. Right, fellas? Right? I don't like that. No problemo, no problemo with that cop shooting someone in the face. One cop shot in the face. News out, everyone fucking stays home. That's how it works. Gotta do it.

[Patrick Warburton]

You know, shortly after the George Floyd tragedy, I remember, you know, just posting because everybody's going after just cops in general, just attacking every single one of them. And I said, look, so many of them, they're Hispanic, they're black, they're white, they have families, they have children, they're doing a job, trying to prep, you know, and everybody's like, fuck em all. They're all on the same fucking team. I'm like, I got my ass handed to me.

[Unknown]

You know, the Internet loses nuance. Like they want issue to be stark contrast one way or the other.

[Adam Carolla]

They're also insane. And these people are fucking criminals. What? I mean, here's what I'm saying. When LeBron James gets out there and does all his fucking race hustle, he's ended up getting kids killed by saying the cops are hunting down people or black people or whatever that causes the struggle. That cop, remember that scene about four or five years ago? The woman, teenage girl was about to plunge a steak knife into another woman, teenage girl and the cop shot her. And LeBron started complaining about the cop, not the fucking chick with the steak knife who was trying to stab, Trying to gut her friend in a parking lot. I don't know if he walked it back or not, but listen, okay, let's just do a math. Do we need cops? Do we want cops? Do we need cops? Yeah. Okay. Yes. All right, we have a society. We've somehow crafted a society where we need cops. Okay? So let's just check, let's just go in order here. Do we need Cops? Yes. Okay, so everyone agrees on that?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. If you take cops and you pull them back out of neighborhoods where there's crime, is there more crime or less crime with less cops or more cops? Well, there'd be more crime if those cops were out there. Okay. Is there such a thing as a bad cop? Yes. Should we try. But they're bad accountants who embezzle. There's bad versions of everything. Should we try to weed them out? Yes. Should we use training? Yes, we should use. But to demonize cops just sort of in general is in. It's insane.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Sort of racist against cops.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. LeBron James. Oh, God, he walked back, he docks, this guy. Oh, wow. He said, you're next. I mean, first off, cops don't get up in the morning thinking, I'd like to shoot a young female. But. But if that young female is in the process of gutting another young female, and you've yelled stop a few times, and they don't seem to be paying any attention, then yes, that's what you do.

[Unknown]

Everybody thinks that real life is like the movies. That's why you get guys watching fights and going, oh, he should have done this or should have done that. But the reality of situations, when it's life or death, you have to make drastic decisions.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's just put it to you this way. Let's just say you had a young daughter, and she's about to have a steak knife plunged into her gut. Would you be happy if the cop shot the human being who was holding the steak knife? Whatever. Male, female, black or white? Was it LeBron, you have a daughter. Would you be happy that the cop shot the person who was about to gut her like a trout? If the answer is yes, then shut the fuck up, you race hustler. All right, let's race this up a little bit.

[Unknown]

Hey, should we normalize baby showers for men? Some expecting dads think so. And this entire article is pretty much women saying, my husband's co workers did it when I was pregnant. He came home excited. Mainly women. One made a cake, and another made an amazing gift basket full of necessities. I will never forget how they included him in the baby excitement, too.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, here's what I'll sign off on. Patrick, I think you're with me. I decided the other day for Father's Day. I came home on a. On a Sunday. I called my son. I said, it's Father's Day. He said, yeah. I said, what do you want to do? Go. Go to dinner? Or something. I'm like, no, I want to do what I want to do and you're doing it with me. And we went to that fucking Home Depot. We spent about two hours walking up and down the aisles putting shit on there. I had like a mule dragging one of those big carts with plywood and cement sacks on it and drywall. And he's getting a. We had like a two cart wagon train going. And I was just standing there going, take the one cart, go to aisle 11. Wait for me there. Then we're going to start stacking up pier blocks. You know what a pier block is, boy? And he goes, no. And I go, okay, well, you're going to find out. And then we walked all the way through the tool aisle. And I was like, that is a diamond blade. That's a seven and a quarter inch diamond blade. No, no, that's not a circular saw. It's a high point saw. It's a different type of gearing on that. That's a circular saw. That's a high point song. And I just fucking broke it all down with him and I said, that's what I want to do because it's Father's Day. I don't want to go to brunch that I end up paying for. I want to do what I want to do. And he did it. And I'll say, for the baby shower, if it involves golf and tequila, then so be it. Yes, that's our day.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

It shouldn't be a version of what you do. You want this stuff. It should be what we want to do for that day.

[Patrick Warburton]

But if you look now, in the vastness of time, that is something that your son will take forever. That experience, that Father's Day experience, which is a very unique one. And I think it's going to end up being a much more important one than just all sitting down and having dinner somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. He got into it. I broke it down. I was walking down aisles going, that's a Joyce hanger. That's a Tico clip. This is what this bit does. These are. These are masonry bits. These are paddle bits. These are forstner bits. These are auger bits.

[Patrick Warburton]

A lot of kids grow up and later in life, you know, they might have trouble. I never really knew who my father was. Your kids will always know who their dad is.

[Adam Carolla]

I told them exactly how it worked. But it was my day. That's my point. And I would say that the baby shower male version is fine, but not the way women celebrate. It transferred to males, but Our day.

[Patrick Warburton]

Agreed.

[Unknown]

All right, Ace, lay it down for us. What's your dream, baby show back to Home Depot?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I would go. All right. We're here to celebrate, and we got, you know, young kid. Maybe we should go fucking go kart racing. Like something I. Something a young kid would enjoy. But we're gonna involve a few beers and we're gonna hit the track like some communal fun. Paintball, whatever. You know, Dave and Buster's type shit, you know? I mean, we're not going to a strip club. That's a little too easy.

[Patrick Warburton]

I would want. I would want a day golf with my buddy Jerry Cantrell, Eddie Vedder and Maynard from Tool. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Our little karaoke over at the Warburton.

[Patrick Warburton]

House, that was so much fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, did he kill. Not traffic. What was the. I did vehicle. Vehicle. Well, close. I was in the house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Man, I wonder what a gender reveal would be like with Tool.

[Adam Carolla]

Simply safe. Here's the deal. Most security systems, they wait until after someone breaks in. That's too late. Well, think about it. Someone's already in the home. Wife and kids, you're out at work. How long does it take the cops to get there? Lot of damage could be done. I use Simplisafe because it actually stops crime before it starts. Imagine that. A little prevention. An ounce of prevention. Their Active guard Outdoor protection has these AI cameras and real people watching your place. If some creep is lurking around, the agents can talk to them, flip on the spotlight, even call the cops. Right then. Not after your stuff's gone. No contracts, no hidden fees. None of the nonsense. Over 4 million people trust Simplisafe. It's the one we use. It's the one we've always used. I mean, they came on as a sponsor here a million years ago. Great product. No drilling, no pulling wires. Plans start at about a buck a day. You get 60 days to try it. Money back if you don't love it. It's Simplisafe, right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

You can get 50% off your new Simplisafe system with professional monitoring and your first month [e-mail] Adam. Just head to simplisafe.com Adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this year. Keep your home, your family, and your peace of mind. Protection reacted with simply safe. There's no safe like Simplisafe.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger, and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv Stream now pay Never.

[Unknown]

So Bill Ackman pledges to bankroll any New York City mayoral candidate capable of defeating Zoharan Mamdani.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I got a clip. Speaking of that guy. Which is everything that's wrong. It's that Colbert clip. Yeah, sorry, go ahead.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Unknown]

The hedge fund billionaire Bill Ackman plans to bankroll a New York City mayoral campaign campaign. Arguing that his affluent associates are poised to flood the election with money in an effort to defeat democratic socialist frontrunner Zohran Mamdani.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, look, it's all great. I mean, he's gonna have free buses and free daycare and government owns grocery stores where everything's gonna be cheap and everything's gonna be awesome. Except for none of it's ever gonna fucking work. It's up there with the homeless need to be treated with dignity. No, they need to be fucking rounded up and. And put somewhere and dry up. That's what they fucking need. Has anyone. Look, here's what I'm saying to everyone at every time. Does anyone have a fucking dumb friend they went to high school with or a ne' er do well brother in law or something like that? Like the 757th time the guy corners you at a party and goes, hey Patrick, I'm looking for just a little bit of seed money to get an idea off the ground. Like how many fucking times do I have to lend you money for you never to pay it back before I start going, maybe this shit ain't gonna work like your version, this socialist utopia. How many times do we have to try this shit? How many times is somebody gonna make a promise of free this and free that and government owned and low cost and all that in a vacuum of it, it never works. It never. I need examples where it works. It never works. But we're so into the notion of. Listen to Colbert's audience. But I'll tell you, it's. Everything's wrong. Cuz what Colbert does. Who's a douche by the way? Colbert just goes. He just lays the person's. First off, I don't care if they're gay or lesbian or black or white or the first this or the first that. I want competent fucking people running big cities. Okay? But listen to Colbert. Listen to his audience.

[Patrick Warburton]

Let's listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yesterday in a stunning upset, Democratic socialist Zoran Mamdani won the Democratic mayoral primary. His audience loves it because they're fucking retards. As extraordinary. Mom, Donnie. Mom. Donnie is now on track to become the city's first South Asian mayor, first Muslim mayor and the youngest mayor in over a century. Youngest mayor. Youngest mayor, okay? That doesn't mean shit to anybody. That just means no experience. His fucking mom makes films. He's a fucking trust fund baby. He's never had a real job and he has no fucking real experience. I want an old dude who ran business.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not oh, he's the youngest. He's the youngest commercial airline pilot in the sky. He's a 14 year old doogie. I don't want to get on that plane. I want fucking grizzled Vietnam vet who's pissed he can't smoke in the cockpit, that guy. He's the youngest, okay? He's Muslim. They never fuck anything up. Those people's always right on the mark. Every country that's Muslim, majority Muslim run perfectly. Perfectly. You need Muslim, you need lack of experience. What else is. He's a socialist. Okay? This is gonna be awesome. Because that's what you need. You need no experience meets Muslim meets socialist. That always works out a lot more, comrades. Yeah. Okay, good. And all the fucking retarded people are going nuts. One more time. Play through it. Just listen to these people. Reaction yesterday in a stunning upset, Democratic socialist Zoran Mamdani won the Democratic mayoral primary. That's extraordinary. That's extraordinary. Mamdani. Mamdani is now on track to become the city's first South Asian mayor, first Muslim mayor, and the youngest mayor in over a century. Yeah.

[Unknown]

EBT night is.

[Patrick Warburton]

They could be potentially sweetening the sound and holding up the applause signs maybe.

[Unknown]

Yeah, definitely.

[Patrick Warburton]

They do do that.

[Unknown]

The warm up guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, New York, have fun. The Muslim guy with no experience is a socialist. It's all gonna work out perfectly. And then what happens is folks that have businesses and make money just fucking leave. And then you guys are going to cry that you don't have any tax base and what's going on? And everyone's going to have a fucking laugh. And I've told you guys, Dr. Drew said to me all the time because he's a wise man, but he's wise enough to know I'm wiser. And so he comes to me, me, hat in hand, at the hem of my garment.

[Patrick Warburton]

Oh, yeah. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm wearing board shorts. So he's right in there.

[Patrick Warburton]

Sexy. No, that's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

So he kneels at the hem of my garment with his hat in his hand.

[Patrick Warburton]

Okay, don't tell me you started washing your feet.

[Adam Carolla]

Not yet. That's next. And he says to me, oh, wise one, what's next? What's next in this country? Where are we going as a society? Tell me, Sue Sayre, speaker of truths, Wise one, because you're omnipotent. And he knows because he sat next to me for 30 years and he's watched everything I predict come to fruition. So he kneels at my hem.

[Patrick Warburton]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

He puts his hat in his hand and he asked, please share wisdom. Share your wisdom with me. You know what I say? Safe spaces and octagons. We're dividing up. All the fucking smart people who make money and like to work are gonna move to Florida. And all the fucking people think they're getting free shit from government run stores are gonna stay behind and there's gonna be a chasm. Half the people are going to the fucking octagon to kick some ass. Other half going to find a fucking safe space to cry in. And the safe spaces are going to have to turn to the octagons soon and go, we need help. Because we don't have any tax base, we don't have any fucking money and our whole fucking shit's falling apart. That's what's going to happen and that's where we're heading. And we're just going to have a group of Texas and Floridas and Tennessee's and everyone's just gonna go there. And all the fucking smart people and all the job creators and all California used to have 13 car manufacturers in it. They're all gone. Elon Musk's the last to fucking move out. They're all gonna just move out and they'll go somewhere else.

[Patrick Warburton]

We used to make shows and movies here, right?

[Adam Carolla]

They're all moving out, moving out of the safe space, going to the fucking octagon where they can be free. And then he'll get taxed to death. And if this guy gets into New York, that's it. And New York is like we can't afford all the fucking financial industry and all these fucking heavy hitters who are paying for the free bus rides and the free childcare and the government run start. If they all move, we don't have anything except for people riding the bus for free. Safe spaces and octagons. Mark my words. Kneeling at my hem, the hem of my garment.

[Unknown]

Did he have to climb up into the mountains to get you out of sitting in the lotus position or floating?

[Adam Carolla]

I reside atop Mount Pius and you can. Well now I actually wasn't wearing shorts, the hem of my robe. I wear scholarly robes. And he would kneel and he'd bring offerings, fruit mainly in season. And he would offer that for wisdom. And I would share wisdom. And then I would tell him to go back down the mountain and share my wisdom with the villagers. That would be you, the people in the valley. Okay. And he would come up and make another fruit offering. And I would share more wisdom. As he kneeled at my hand, I.

[Patrick Warburton]

This is a fascinating.

[Adam Carolla]

You know where his hat was?

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes. Down.

[Adam Carolla]

Right in his hand.

[Patrick Warburton]

In his hand. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. It wasn't a leather baseball hat. I'll tell you that right now.

[Patrick Warburton]

I have forever. Just, you know, I'm kind of, you know, I haven't even voted in years, you know, and I've always stayed out of politics 100% in the entertainment industry. I think it's the smartest thing to do. You know, it was on Larry King years ago. I knew I wasn't going to be able to avoid a political question. Larry goes, this is when Trump was elected the first time. He goes, what do you think of Trump? And I go, well, I go, I didn't vote for him, Larry, but I also didn't vote for Hillary. If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. I go, Rush, 1980.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

And I go, But I'm rooting for him because he's the President of the United States, so I hope he does a good job. And that was it. And I got out of there unscathed. But, like, really, you know, in the realm of politics, I see so much mess going on right now. Appreciate your no nonsense perspective on all things and common sense perspective.

[Adam Carolla]

I will tell you this.

[Patrick Warburton]

It is an aggravating fucking world that we live in, and it is. And I wish we weren't so polarized, but we are really fucking polarized. You're laughing.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll back up what you're saying. I will undergird. As long as you kneel by him, I will undergird. I will lay out your political strategy perfectly.

[Unknown]

You're gonna wanna put that hat in your hand.

[Adam Carolla]

When is the last time you did vo work for a Family Guy?

[Patrick Warburton]

An hour and a half ago. Two hours ago. When did I get to vo?

[Adam Carolla]

Mayhem asked me when the last time I did vo work for the Family Guy was.

[Unknown]

When?

[Adam Carolla]

Nine years. So it is impactful sometimes, the things.

[Patrick Warburton]

But it was.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yes. Cause you were the.

[Unknown]

Yeah. They replay the death episode every once in a while.

[Adam Carolla]

When's the last time I came, got called in. When's the last time Seth called me in to do VO work?

[Patrick Warburton]

The greatest grim reaper ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Nine years.

[Unknown]

Don't let him talk too much because he didn't vote last time because he was getting a haircut at Fantastic Sam's.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. That's right. And they knelt at the hem of my cape that they put around me. I like the cape. I like. You know what I like to say? Oh, you know what I'm going to tell people I do. If people say to me, what do you do? What line are you in, bub? I'm gonna go. You know when you go to the barber and they make that small ribbon of paper that goes around your neck before they put the cape on?

[Patrick Warburton]

Hmm.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I. Oh, you make those? I make that paper. I don't do Kleenex. I don't do toilet paper. I don't do coasters or doilies. I just do that one weird strip. It's an inch and 3,8 wide. And it just goes around your neck.

[Patrick Warburton]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they put the cape around.

[Patrick Warburton]

That and then torture them and explain why the competitors don't do as good a job and then start breaking down the composite of the one that they put around your neck.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Patrick Warburton]

Just watch them slowly.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll be like, drift off. Acme Neck Wraps use an inferior wood pulp base for their paper products. Well, I didn't know that. Yes. And mine are waxed on both sides. My competitor just waxes one side. They get most of materials from China, whereas I get my stuff from the usa. So there you go. Of course, we have to charge a little more. It's almost a penny and a half per unit, whereas my competitors can come in at under a penny per unit.

[Patrick Warburton]

But done research.

[Adam Carolla]

I got. You want to know my counts? I got Fantastic Sam's. I got sports clips. I got Sports cuts. Those are major vendors. Okay, Here, let me give you a card if you ever need any paper neck wraps.

[Patrick Warburton]

This is why I go to Jamie's Hair when I had hair in Thousand Oaks, because they cost a little bit more, but they spend. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a customer.

[Patrick Warburton]

Yeah, yeah, we had neck wraps.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we still do. Yeah, He's a good guy. Loyal fan base. My dad started the company.

[Unknown]

I used to go to Ricky Martin's Barber till he shamed me out of it.

[Patrick Warburton]

It.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Now go to whatever Fantastic Sam Sports Clip is in the area.

[Patrick Warburton]

Well, I'm glad he sent you straight.

[Adam Carolla]

Straight set. Straight is really the operator. All Right. War Burton. When We Went Mad is the name of our new doc. Unauthorized Story of Mad magazine on Apple, Amazon, most digital platforms. Cable thrives. Live dates, man. Spokanes coming up at the comedy club. I've been there. That'll be June 27th, 28th. Tacoma. I just did that run. It's good. Warburton's going and he's good. Where should people go to your website?

[Patrick Warburton]

Patrick Warburton Live, I think. Is it? I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Instagram. Patrick Warborn. I'm beat. The Irvine Improv and Covina Laugh fact. Just go downcroll.com for all my live shows. Mayhem, any plugs for you?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm at Mayhem miller on everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Mayhemnow.Com so till next time, Adam for Mayhem and Patrick Warburton saying Mahala.

[Dawson]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail message at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see the Ace [e-mail].

[Patrick Warburton]

This.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Summer is here and Podcast one has a brand new sports podcast. It's the all new Pac Man Jones show called Politely Raw. Now on Podcast one, join former NFL star and Pro bowl cornerback Pac Man Jones as he brings you his unfiltered takes, raw interviews and stories as only he can tell them. If you love sports, culture and controversy, you're going to love Politely Raw as nothing is off limits. This makes for an entertaining and compelling listen each and every time. The new Pac Man Jones show Politely Raw episodes drop weekly and are available wherever you find podcasts.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream now pay never.