Sarah Silverman + Teresa and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show

Episode: Sarah Silverman + Teresa and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Date: September 7, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This vibrant episode of the Adam Carolla Show (Carolla Classics) is a two-part throwback featuring classic moments with Teresa Strasser and Bald Bryan (“Bryan on Chemo Week”), plus a lengthy, revealing one-on-one with Sarah Silverman. Adam and his guests dissect classic sitcom tropes, discuss societal issues like inclusion and depression, recount struggles with health and parenthood, and take deep dives into bedwetting (yes, really), all laced with the Adam Carolla Show’s signature blend of wry irreverence, honesty, and sharp observational humor.

---

Key Segments Breakdown

Classic Clips: Adam, Teresa & Bald Bryan (2010)

[02:03–55:32]

Sitcom Tropes & Comedy Origins

• Adam and Bryan riff on how early sitcoms recycled the same jokes, notably the “boss comes over for dinner” and “panic in the pregnancy episode.”
  • Adam: “My dad, his grandfather, his father, and his great, great grandfather wrote that fucking joke on the Mayflower. Could we please pick another angle here?” (04:47)
• The conversation veers into how these tropes are both comfort food and creative dead ends, likening sitcom writing to “parsley on the side of the plate.” (05:05)

The “Gay Games” & Inclusion

• Adam discusses the logic and paradoxes behind “The Gay Games,” debating with Bryan whether identity-based events help or hinder equality.
  • Adam: “When you yank yourself out and go, this is our Games, this is our award show, you're taking a step backward in the integration department.” (12:25)
• Bryan weighs the value of separate recognition vs. striving for mainstream inclusion.
  • Bryan: “If someone or a group like say independent films are being underrepresented by the mainstream, then yeah, there should be a separate award ceremony...But are the gays being underrepresented in the Winter Olympics? I would say no.” (16:01)
• Lighthearted banter on “lesbian cars” and stereotypes shows the show’s usual uncensored, comic dialogue. (14:53+)

Bald Bryan’s Health Journey

• Bryan opens up about his chemo regimen and recent MRI results.
  • “It’s chemo week. I’m on chemo one week every month, and this is the week.” (02:36)
  • He reveals slight tumor shrinkage, thanks to an “optimistic” physical therapist, and reflects on the emotional highs and lows of his treatment. (17:08–21:39)
• Adam cracks wise about Dr. Drew’s notorious bluntness with bad medical news, sharing anecdotes about Dr. Drew’s “grim reaper” reputation. (22:37+)

Parenting, Poop, and Cultural Differences

• Teresa and Bryan compare digestive woes, while Adam launches into reflections on American “helicopter” parenting vs. the more relaxed approach he sees in other cultures.
  • Adam: “Other cultures kind of treat their kids...like, they're not going to come up with a cure for cancer. They're just kids.” (35:07)

Table Reads & Performance Anxiety in Hollywood

• Adam details the unnaturalness of network “table reads,” where actors are lined up, scrutinized, and prone to being swiftly replaced if they slip up.
  • Adam: “It is not its trial at Nuremberg at this point, it's no longer a table read. So now you're sitting along a long line...facing all these heads of production...” (41:01)
  • Teresa and Adam commiserate over the vulnerability expected of performers in such artificial settings.

---

In-depth: Depression, Suicide, and the Science of Sadness

[56:18 — 88:46]

Recent Suicides in the News

• Teresa brings up the high-profile suicides of Marie Osmond’s son and Andrew Koenig (“Boner” from Growing Pains), sparking a discussion about the complexities and tragic ripple effects of depression.

Is Depression Adaptive?

• Citing a then-popular NYT article, Teresa introduces research suggesting rumination—the obsessive replaying of negative events—might have evolutionary value.
  • Quote: “Maybe it allows people to learn from their mistakes...You're dwelling in response to some actual setback...Maybe it allows people to learn from their mistakes.” (71:54)
• Adam connects this to his own experience, describing how depression and endlessly replaying disappointments made it hard to focus even on carpentry work.
  • Adam: “Carpentry is a very good...concrete example of trying to use that part of your brain and solve problems. And when you're depressed and ruminating, forget it.” (76:20)
• The group weighs the downsides as well: ruminating = lack of productivity, increased errors, and cognitive fog.

Mental Health, Motherhood & Self-care

• Teresa shares her vulnerability adjusting to motherhood, buying stacks of parenting books during a bout of postpartum depression, and resolving to be open about mental health struggles.
  • Teresa: “When I start getting depressed, I do tell people around me.” (84:39)
• Adam normalizes therapy and medication, comparing depression management to diabetes—something that can be lived with if vigilantly managed. (85:03)

---

Teresa Strasser Plugs “The Parent Experiment”

[88:46–90:30]

• Teresa details her parenting show with Lynette Carolla, highlighting a standout episode with Mayim Bialik—“possibly one of the smartest celebrities I’ve ever interviewed.” (89:41)

---

Sarah Silverman One-on-One: Vulnerability, Childhood Embarrassment, and Modern Culture

[92:19–151:54]

“The Bedwetter” & Childhood Shame

• Adam and Sarah bond over being bedwetters into their teens. Sarah relates harrowing sleepover stories, emotional family interventions, and how shame shaped her.
  • Sarah: “I wet the bed until I was about 15 consistently...At the top of every [diary] page I would write wet or dry...” (93:32)
  • Adam: “...You’re lying in this person’s sleeping bag and you’re going to destroy it.” (96:12)

Parenting Styles: Past vs. Present

• The hosts compare strict, “scary dad” upbringings (Adam’s) with today’s “overly supportive” helicopter parents, arguing the pendulum has swung too far to creating “pussy” children.
  • Sarah: “As awful as our childhoods were...now every kid is raised to be a huge pussy.” (102:05)
  • Adam: “Not only are we raising our kids as pussies, but we’re sort of raising our society as pussies now.” (102:49)

American Culture: Fear and Television

• A dissection of media’s obsession with fear (Amber Alerts, “terror of the local news,” reality TV) and its corrosive effects on national mood and perspective. (129:18)
  • Sarah: “We’re just told to be scared all the time. And it’s been fruitful for the Bush administration...and the supposed liberal Jew media, which I am still looking for!” (129:34)

The Sarah Silverman Program & Show Business Frustrations

• Sarah reflects on her canceled show, blaming Comedy Central’s lack of promotional effort and frustrating delays for stunted momentum despite her Emmy nomination.
  • Sarah: “You’d think that when they would run ads they’d say Emmy nominated...they never did once.” (131:12)
• Adam rants about the dysfunctional idiocy of network promotions and how little creative people are consulted about their own promotional slogans.
  • Adam: “We’re really super creative, funny people...why do the whole route where we come up with a really lame idea...everyone but [the talent]?” (134:34)

Therapy: Useless, or Life-saving?

• Listener call-in prompts Adam and Sarah to explore therapy’s value. Sarah admits that most therapists are terrible, but a “good one” changed her life:
  • Sarah: “89% of therapists are terrible...But I found an awesome guy. He’s awesome and he’s helped me so much.” (137:46)
  • Sarah’s therapist’s advice: “Don’t tell yourself horror stories. What if I can’t find another job, what if I don’t find someone, what if I don’t fall in love again...The future’s going to happen whether you predict it or not.” (141:12)
• Adam: Sometimes the simple act of making a commitment to therapy—even with a mediocre therapist—signifies a vital step toward self-care. (150:09)

On Shame, Mistakes, and Growth

• Adam and Sarah agree that a key challenge in talent-driven fields (especially Hollywood) is a pathological refusal to admit mistakes or face discomfort (stories on network execs, casting, etc).
  • Sarah: “There are some people that are so terrified of being wrong that they are willing to be fucking crazy to avoid admitting it.” (145:19)
  • Adam: “Just the fact that you’re going [to therapy] is a good thing...You’re consciously saying ‘I want to go.’” (150:09)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On sitcom clichés:
  “My dad, his grandfather, his father, and his great, great grandfather wrote that fucking joke on the Mayflower. Could we please pick another angle here?”
  — Adam Carolla [04:47]

• On handling illness:
  "I was hopping across the room... which, if you saw me a few months ago, with my walker, I probably wasn't capable of doing anything close to that."
  — Bald Bryan [19:51]

• On inclusion and separation:
  "When you yank yourself out and go, this is our Games, this is our award show, you're taking a step backward in the integration department."
  — Adam Carolla [12:25]

• On shame of bedwetting:
  “I wet the bed until I was about 15... At the top of every page I would write wet or dry because I wanted to see if there was a pattern.”
  — Sarah Silverman [93:32]

• Giving yourself grace:
  “People don't really get what they want in life. They get what they think they deserve. So you have to, like, give yourself the same love and respect that you give to any loser on the street.”
  — Sarah Silverman [144:08]

• On therapy:
  “Don’t tell yourself horror stories. What if I don’t get another job? What if I don’t find someone?... It doesn’t matter. The future’s going to happen whether you predict it or not.”
  — Sarah Silverman, via therapist [141:12]

---

Useful Timestamps

• [03:35] Bald Bryan shares about chemo and side effects
• [08:42] 24 Hours of Lemons analogy to Gay Games inclusion
• [10:11] Adam and Bryan’s riff on random “gay testing”
• [14:53] Forster = “lesbian car” joke
• [17:08] Bryan details progress and therapy
• [23:39] Dr. Drew’s bedside manner anecdotes
• [41:01] Inside Hollywood “table reads” and performer anxiety
• [56:44] Addressing depression and recent celebrity suicides
• [71:54] Research on rumination and evolutionary purpose
• [84:39] Teresa on mothering and postpartum depression
• [131:12] Sarah Silverman recounts Comedy Central promotion woes
• [137:46] Sarah and Adam discuss therapy’s usefulness and finding a good therapist
• [141:12] Therapist’s principle: “Don’t tell yourself horror stories.”

---

Episode Tone & Language

The episode is raw, honest, freewheeling, and at times shamelessly crude (as is classic for Carolla). Banter swings between earnest and absurd, never straying far from Adam’s root philosophy of self-reliance, resilience, and comedic confrontation of uncomfortable truths.

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Adam Carolla Show classic: a blend of personal struggle, pop-culture criticism, and humor sharpened by real vulnerability. The reunion with Bryan and Teresa is nostalgic and heartfelt, while the segment with Sarah Silverman is intimate, self-deprecating, and highly entertaining, all serving to remind listeners of why this podcast retains its massive following—unfiltered conversation that is both relatable and revealing.

---

Summary by Adam Carolla Show Summarizer

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Five Hour Energy. You know what I love? Birthday cake. But you know what I don't love? A sugar crash. That's where five Hour Energy's new confetti craze comes in. Tastes just like a birthday cake. Vanilla, buttery, unapologetically extra. You want to unleash your inner party animal. This shot's packing the same caffeine punch as your fancy 12 ounce coffee, but zero sugar. No crash. Big birthday energy in a tiny little bottle. Just toss it in your pocket, bring it to the party or wherever you go. Don't wait. Confetti craze is only around for a limited time. Five hour energy confetti craze flavor is available online. Head to FiveHouseEnergy.com or go to Amazon to order yours today.

[Sarah Silverman]

Thanks for selling your car to Carvana. Here's your check.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa. When did I get here?

[Sarah Silverman]

What do you mean?

[Bald Bryan]

I swear it was just moments ago that I accepted a great offer from Carvana online. I must have time traveled to the future.

[Sarah Silverman]

It was just moments ago. We do same day pickup. Here's your check for that great offer.

[Adam Carolla]

It is the future.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's. It's the present and just the convenience of Carvana. Sorry to blow your mind.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all good. Happens all the time. Sell your car the convenient way to Carvana.

[Sarah Silverman]

Pick up.

[Bald Bryan]

Times may vary and fees may apply. Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of.

[Adam Carolla]

The Adam Caroll Show.

[Bald Bryan]

We have a companion podcast titled Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Classics available exclusively through Podcast One Premium.

[Bald Bryan]

You can find the ad free archives for this entire program.

[Adam Carolla]

If you'd like to access the ad.

[Bald Bryan]

Free archives of the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the Adam and Dr. Drew show or you want to hear the brand.

[Bald Bryan]

New podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out adam Krola substack adamkurla.substack.com if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcorola.com all right, let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Get to the clips coming up.

[Bald Bryan]

First we have Adam Carla show 270 featuring Teresa Strasser and bald Bryan from 2010.

[Adam Carolla]

Hope you guys enjoy. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. And welcome to the streaming show, the Almost Live show, the Day and Date show. Teresa Strasser is going to be joining us in a few. Yes, with the news, but for now it's just Bald Brian. How you feeling, buddy?

[Bald Bryan]

Feeling pretty good, actually. I'll be honest with you. I'm constipated.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Bald Bryan]

It's chemo week. I'm on chemo this week. I'm on chemo one week every month, and this is the week. And one of the number ones.

[Adam Carolla]

Not nearly as good as Shark Week.

[Bald Bryan]

No, I definitely look forward to Shark Week much more.

[Adam Carolla]

And one of the byproducts of the chemo is the constipation.

[Bald Bryan]

So I'm on a cocktail of fiber supplements and laxatives, which should make this live show very interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because when it's time, it's time.

[Bald Bryan]

There's a holding mess. Kind of like when your water breaks. I understand.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it's just.

[Bald Bryan]

You gotta go. Wheels are in motion.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Except for bigger.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So if you. You're dilating a few centimeters, you'll tell me and we can let you run to the bathroom.

[Bald Bryan]

You'll be the first to know. I have a bag packed.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep a Keep. Keep. Keep your mic on. I was just thinking about. I grew up every single sitcom. It was really weird. I'm always. I'm interested in the, you know, sort of jokes and how they work and what the origins are and how they've evolved. I grew up watching cartoons and sitcoms where they did compulsory jokes like they do in figure skating, where there was.

[Bald Bryan]

Like, things you have to do.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to do this kind of joke. And inevitably, in every cartoon and in every sitcom, there would be the pregnancy episode. Sometimes it'd be like a flashback if they already had kids, but it would be the pregnancy episode. And every single time, the woman was as calm as she could be, and the guy was a panicky bundle of nerves and a Chinese fire drill. And at some point he said, all right, remember the plan? Like, because he was the guy who had the plan the whole time. He would grab her luggage, throw it into the car, and then speed off toward the hospital without her. Without her. And that was amusing the first 28 times I saw it in a sitcom. But the next 1300 times I saw it, I thought, my God, is this fucked out? And then secondly, were there no people at the writers table who raised their hand and said, I Dream of Jeannie did that already.

[Bald Bryan]

I've seen this. My dad wrote this.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad, his grandfather, his father, and his great, great grandfather wrote that fucking joke on the Mayflower. Could we please pick another angle here? And then somebody went, well, wait a minute. We're doing a sitcom. And this is what sitcoms do. It was like the Parsley by The side of the plate.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There was no such thing as going to a diner in ordering a breakfast without the sprig of parsley by the side of the plate. No one ever touched it. It fell in the eggs. It had to get picked out. It got knocked off on the floor. And at some point somebody said, you know, nine years ago somebody said, hey, fuck this parsley. We don't need it, nobody wants it. We don't have to do this. And they sort of did that in sitcoms a little bit too, but they just recycled the same jokes. And you knew what was coming. It was almost expected.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. The boss come over for dinner, for example.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the boss is coming over for dinner. And by the way, I like the notion that the boss is coming over for dinner and if the pot roast gets burnt, you're fired.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, exactly. This could cost me the promotion.

[Adam Carolla]

How's that going to cost you the promotion?

[Bald Bryan]

You got to have good pot roast apparently to make a good vp.

[Adam Carolla]

Lot of make minded double jokes for the poor. And the booze. A lot of booze related humor. We don't get to. We don't get to joke about booze nearly as much. And yeah, there was always a big thing where the boss was coming over for dinner and we had to impress the. The boss.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That thing went on for 40 years. I mean, that thing went on into bad Ashton Kutcher movies and there was always 2007.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Hanging on the. The dinner like this could go either. This is the fulcrum on which my promotion hinges.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If these pork chops are a little bit dry, you're not gonna make a senior vp. And it's like, what? Why the fuck not? And now who gives a shit? And nobody goes to anyone's house. And since when does the boss base the. Their critical business decisions on how your old lady's pot roast came out?

[Bald Bryan]

I meant to say, do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow night?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Oh, man. You're taking a chance, honey.

[Bald Bryan]

This is going to be very important for us. That pot roast ready.

[Adam Carolla]

It was. It was either. It was either that the boss was coming over or worse, the big client and the boss were coming over.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, bringing.

[Adam Carolla]

And that big client came over.

[Bald Bryan]

We got to land this account.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, the. Look out. I know I was apropos of nothing, but I was sitting around a writer's. Well, we're talking about sitcoms and I was working on a sitcom yesterday and doing some writing and sitting around a writer's table.

[Bald Bryan]

Your own or someone else's.

[Adam Carolla]

My own sitting. Sitting around a writer's table. And I don't know how this came up, but we're talking about the Olympics and talking about the. And I started thinking about the Gay Games.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm amused with the Gay Games. Hold on. I gotta tell Donnie to be quiet. Donnie, be quiet. Thank you. I gotta start that story over because I was thinking about using it for something else.

[Bald Bryan]

Reset. The Gay Games.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So I was thinking about the Gay Games, and then I thought, how do they know if you're gay? And is there screening process? And they can really only take your word for it. So there's no real way of. You know, you can't.

[Bald Bryan]

No prove it option.

[Adam Carolla]

There.

[Bald Bryan]

There is, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you. You can't piss into a cup and analyze the urine. Sure. And find out whether you're gay or not. So there's no urine tests and there's no blood tests for being gay. So how do they. How they know if you're gay? So I thought, well, you know, it's interesting. There's a cool race called the 24 Hours of Lemons, and this is not the 24 Hours of Lal. This is Lemons. Okay? This is where you take cars, and I think the rule is they have to be worth $500 or less. And you go at it for 24 hours. Okay, I'm catching on. And how do you know when you make a rule for the 24 hours of lemons that the guy didn't pay $5,000 for this car instead of $500 for this car?

[Bald Bryan]

It needs to be a piece of crap.

[Adam Carolla]

It needs to be a piece of crap, but who's to say, right? You didn't go ahead and get yourself something. Sure. They're not. They can't tell who went to the Penny Saver, the recycler, or how much they spent. Here's how they do it. And it's diabolical, but it is solid. They will look at the field, they'll see 100 cars. They'll walk up to one and go, this one looks a little bit too nice. And they will crush it. They will. And then they will look around and say, any questions asked? So the next time you're thinking about spending $1,000 on your car or doing a little too much to your car, think twice. It may end up in the mouth of Robosaurus. Wow. And that's the way they would do it. They would literally make an event out of crushing the car that looked like it was worth More than 500. Now does that mean a couple didn't sneak under at 750? Maybe, maybe not. But this is a very nice random way of doing it.

[Bald Bryan]

People were scared straight.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, for the gay games solution, just walk the line. Look at the fellas. All of a sudden you stop in front of one, your dick comes out, starts sucking. Right. Bend over.

[Bald Bryan]

We're gonna prove it.

[Adam Carolla]

Bend over. We're gonna. Yeah, we're gonna decide who's really random. Random gay testing.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. That only works.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It would eliminate any straight jocks for going in there and doing any legal gay bashing or wrestling or whatever the hell it was. Right?

[Bald Bryan]

Totally.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

It would put you on the. It would call your bluff, as it were.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Be like, all right, I better like this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I, you know, I don't know why they have to. Would have to televise that part of it, but I would definitely watch. Right. Maybe.

[Bald Bryan]

Maybe later in. At her pay per view.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Just saying. Random. You know, like I said, all the testing, all the stuff they do, it's always random. Whatever. Testing. Random pole smoking. I would deter a lot of straight guys.

[Bald Bryan]

I like the gay games are in Cologne.

[Adam Carolla]

They're in Cologne Named after their favorite item.

[Bald Bryan]

That's right. It's in Brut.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we go to. Yeah, yeah. First we fly into Faberge. Then we enter. We take a train to Cologne. And we go to the town square Bruth. And we're met by Ambassador Old Spice. That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

Aramis greets you.

[Adam Carolla]

Dakar. Let the Dakar and Cologne games begin. Yeah. So The Gay Games 2010 will be in Cologne. And here's what I'm saying. I know there's a lot of this, like, hey, what about our games? But when. Tell me where your head is on this one, Bald Brian. You're. You're much more liberal than I am.

[Bald Bryan]

I wouldn't say much, but yes, I am.

[Adam Carolla]

You're more liberal than I. Not as liberal as Theresa, but more than I. She's Ralph Nader liberal. I'm saying this when you're looking for inclusion, whether it's Society or Audible's romance.

[Teresa Strasser]

Collection has something to satisfy every side of you when it comes to what kind of romance you're into. You don't have to choose just one fancy. A dalliance with a duke or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms. From authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood. The latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, and of course, all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery that's audible.com wondery marriage or whatever it is.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, when your whole argument for everything is just sort of, we don't want any special treatment. We just want the same rights and privileges afforded to other Americans. We want to be able to marry, we'd like to be able to adopt children and raise children and so on and so forth. When you're just that sort of just get along. Whether you're black or gay, whatever it is, when you have the Gay Games or you have the BET Awards or you have the Essence Awards or we sort of pull it to the side and have the GLAAD Awards and all that kind of aren't you pulling yourself out of society? And I know there's a thousand reasons why people would explain to me why this needs to be done. I feel that when you yank yourself out and go, this is our Games, this is our award show, you're taking a step backward in the integration department.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I agree with you. In all seriousness, I'll say. Is the group that is bringing themselves out to their own thing being underrepresented in the mainstream. For example, let's say the Independent Spirit Awards are the sort of smaller independent movies not being represented by the Oscars in Hollywood. Well, I would say yes. I'd say there's a place for the Independent Spirit Awards because we need to recognize the smaller independent movies. Are the gays being underrepresented in the Winter Olympics, for example? I would say no. I would say the, the figure skating and the ice dancing is nothing but gays, right? Pretty much. I mean, there's no, there's no, there's no underrepresentation there. You know, I'm saying, not only that.

[Adam Carolla]

But there's not a group of Klan guys out front with axe handles going, hey, homo, yeah, where you think you going in them fancy ties?

[Bald Bryan]

You ain't going to skate in here.

[Adam Carolla]

You ain't skating today. No. So listen, if you want to be good and you want to be gay, well, by all means. We already have something called the Olympic Olympics and you can feel free to do that.

[Bald Bryan]

And you're very welcome and often win and dominate. I mean, look at, call Carl Lewis and, well, he's not officially, but you know what I'm saying, right? Look at Brian Boitano. Look at Scott Hamilton. I mean, these guys are dominate the field, right?

[Adam Carolla]

There's no way you're focusing on the dudes. How about all the chicks that are in the powerlifting competitions in the summer games? You know, ice hockey teams. How about the chicks doing just the archery team alone?

[Bald Bryan]

How dare you generalize like that?

[Adam Carolla]

I can't help it. The point is, look, you show me chicks attracted to a bow and some rosin, I'll show you a chick who may be going down on her girlfriend. A forester. The point is this. That's the number one lesbian car.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Is the forester yellow?

[Bald Bryan]

It's the number one color.

[Adam Carolla]

And I find it ironic that the chicks who drive it don't take care of their little forest downstairs. If you think about it, does it.

[Bald Bryan]

Come in anything but yellow, by the way? Does it come in anything but yellow?

[Adam Carolla]

Green and yellow.

[Bald Bryan]

That does come in green.

[Adam Carolla]

Two colors. So, yes, I don't like the we're going to pull ourselves aside and have these unless like, I agree, Independent Spirit Awards. But even that, you know, I mean, there are $13 million independent films that star Greg Kinnear and a thousand other a list comedic. So you know, Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd and Greg Kinnear can't be in your 14,000 million independent movie. Yeah, technically it might be independent, but if I recognize every face on the poster and it was $10 million like my 24 hours of lemons.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, you got to take a hammer to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Take a hammer to someone's head at one of those tables drinking their Corbal.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm with you. You got to ugly that film up a little bit, make it more independent.

[Adam Carolla]

Just saying, if you're going to limit, let's have a budget limit.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm with you. I mean, I. Maybe it's raised by slightly more liberal bent coming up, but I think that if someone or a group like say independent films are being underrepresented by the mainstream, then yeah, there should be a separate award ceremony or competition or what have you. I mean, they should be recognized in their own way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And again, again, I probably like they do with almost every competition, whether it's a weight class or money, money spent or restrictor plate nascar. If I was doing the Independent Spirit Awards, I would probably put a $3 million budget on what I called an independent film. If you're starting to get into the low teens, I don't care if you're calling it independent. That ain't. That is not the spirit. Pardon the pun.

[Bald Bryan]

You may not have studio money, but it's. It's a big budget film.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not the spirit of the independent Spirit Awards. All right, skipping over that topic for a moment. How are you feeling?

[Bald Bryan]

Like I said, aside from the constipation, I'm feeling okay, actually. Good news. I want to talk to you about this. I'm making a little announcement on the show. I was hoping Teresa will be here, but I can tell her where you get to.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we can wait for.

[Bald Bryan]

No, no. It's a very minor thing. I am going to. We're going to fulfill a lifelong dream. I'm going to Italy in April.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah. Wow.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm feeling a little bit better. And we decided that now is the window. Now is the time. This may be. This may be the best time. The only time. Hopefully not God forbid, but maybe the only time.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how is. Speaking of the only time, how is the treatment going? How's the chemo going? Have you gotten any more CAT scans or PET scans or feedback on the size of the tumor?

[Bald Bryan]

My last MRI was about a month ago, a little less than a month ago, and there had been ever so slightly more shrinkage, so they were happy about that. And the area that the tumor had shrunk in, they said was an area that they don't normally see a lot of shrinkage in after the fact. So after the radiation. So they were very pleased about that. And, you know, I went to the week in San Diego for therapy, which.

[Adam Carolla]

And to go whoring in Tijuana.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, but I mean, under the auspices of therapy.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

I have to go down there for the write off purposes. So I got down there and I did a week of therapy, 30 hours of therapy in one week. One on one with this sort of therapy guru who really had some encouraging things to say. He's like, hey, I think you can recover all the way and I think we can get you there. And this is the summer where everything goes for you, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, just to be fair, he's not going to be. Bummer physical therapist. Whoa. Like, you come walking in with a little limp, dude. You're fucked up. Wow. How did this happen? What happened? Dude, no, brain tumor. Oh, shit. I would kill myself. Did you tell them? Did they. Well, they can operate and take it out, right?

[Bald Bryan]

No, no, afraid not.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, fuck. You are fucked. Oh, dude, you know what? I gotta fucking. I gotta blow a butt I am thoroughly freaked.

[Bald Bryan]

Do you think you have any hope for.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? Walk on that treadmill for a while and let me get my shit together.

[Bald Bryan]

I came down here looking for some ray of sunshine or some hope.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nice outside. I'm gonna. Yeah, it is sunny to not go away. You walk on that treadmill, you watch yourself some Oprah. I don't think we have the headphones, but, you know, you get the gist. Somebody lost their kid or strung out on drugs or dad's fucking them anyway. Watch the monitor, walk on the treadmill. Dude, I gotta call some of my friends because this shit is fucked up. They didn't do that.

[Bald Bryan]

It wasn't like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Wasn't like that.

[Bald Bryan]

No, it was quite the opposite, actually. It was very optimistic, which I guess you would hope that your therapist would be, you know, I'm saying you wouldn't want the other, like, no hope for you. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

It's not going that way. But he was. He was very optimistic and things are going well. He actually had me, like it sounds silly, very sort of rudimentary, but I was hopping across the room, which, if you saw me a few months ago, you know, with my walker, I probably wasn't capable of doing anything close to that. So, yeah, he had me sort of bounding and hopping across the room and doing some physical stuff. And it's exciting to sort of get back and do semi athletic things again, like things that require some coordination. So I feel like I'm gonna. I'm on the way back, man. Feel like I'm recovering.

[Adam Carolla]

And the tumor shrunk quite a bit the first time around.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it shrunk a little more this time around.

[Bald Bryan]

Yep. The radiation continues to work.

[Adam Carolla]

And I gotta say, you know, Dr. Drew is practically the grim reaper. But when this tumor first. When the news first broke about this tumor, I spoke to Dr. Drew and Dr. Brews and they were not getting my hopes up, let's put it that way. And then secondly, they said this tumor does not respond to radiation or treatment very well, traditionally. And do not be surprised if it doesn't have the kind of response that you're hoping for after all these lapse of chemo and radiation. So the fact that your tumor, which is normally not a responsive tumor. So I hear. And again, I'm saying this now, obviously, because your tumor's shrinking. I played a little closer to the vest earlier on, but Bruce Andrew said, not a great tumor as far as shrinkage goes. And yours seems to be shrinking.

[Bald Bryan]

Knock on wood. I Mean, we hope it'll continue to shrink. If it just stays the same. We're happy with that, too. Things could change next time.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's responding.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, it has responded.

[Adam Carolla]

Important part. I mean, it obviously made a move nine months ago or whenever. Whenever this was. Geez, what's it coming up on, a year?

[Bald Bryan]

Actually, coming up on a year, 11 months. Yeah, next month.

[Adam Carolla]

It obviously made a move because it started to affect your speech and your motor skills and things like that. So the tumor started to grow a little bit. It most likely been there for numbers of years, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Probably.

[Adam Carolla]

And so it started to move up, and then you hit it and it started to move down, which shows movement in the other direction, which is really positive.

[Bald Bryan]

That's really what we had hoped for.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Like I said, we don't know how it's going to go from here on out, but every time we get the MRI and it looks positive, we're encouraged.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Should we put our headphones on?

[Bald Bryan]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, I love your attitude, and I love the, you know, let's make hay while the sun shines, and let's go to Italy and fuck it. Thanks, buddy. Enjoy yourself.

[Bald Bryan]

Hey, by the way, quick note about Dr. Drew. It's funny you mentioned that Drew being the grim reaper of medical news back in 2002 or 2004, whatever it was. When I had my gallbladder disease and my gallbladder surgery, I said to Drew, I didn't know much about it, so I was getting his opinion. I'm like, drew, what do I need to know for this? He's like, oh, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, he goes, where are you going for your surgery? I said, oh, Daniel Freeman Hospital down in Irvine or in Englewood? He goes, good luck. Thanks, Drew. Appreciate that.

[Adam Carolla]

For those of you who know L. A Inglewood, good place to score a dimebag. Not good place to get your gallbladder removed.

[Bald Bryan]

City of Champions, this show says that when the Lakers used to play there. It still says that on the street signs.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and let's not forget City of Champions, that immediately cleared out of Inglewood after the trophy was hoisted. They all lived in Beverly Hills and Laguna Hell in Malibu, So the actual place they went to play was Inglewood. The second they turned the lights off of the Forum, they all fled like cockroaches.

[Bald Bryan]

So Drew's bedside manner at the time to calm me. What's going. Yeah, good luck.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, listen, when my wife's best friend Jennifer, had, like, ovarian cancer or something, I remember, like, my. My wife Said, well, go ask Drew what he thinks or what the prognosis is or whatever. And he's like, death sentence said six months to. Six months to a year. I'd say, wow. And the girl was, you know, 33. And I was supposed to go home and then tell Lynette that. Oh, yeah. Oh, what Drew say? Oh, something about death. Yeah, get the specifics. Yeah, go to Italy, is what Drew said. So I was like, but she was dead within 10 months or something like that. Yeah, it was fucking horrible. But. But when I had. On a. On a much smaller scale, when I. Of course, when I had my hernia surgery, he told me, laughing while he was saying it, that I was gonna be in bed writhing in pain for days and days on end. And, you know, I. I was going. Having my surgery on a Friday, and we're doing Loveline, you know, Sunday night through Thursday night. And I said, you know, I'll see you Sunday. And he said, no, you won't start laughing. Hey, go down to Daniel Freeman in Inglewood, by the way. Forget that. Have Chick Hearns do it. That's going to be awesome. Happy hairston.

[Bald Bryan]

Colonel Mahoney.

[Adam Carolla]

Colonel Mahoney. Oh, that is. That is the greatest. When Chick Hearns got the legendary voice of the Lakers. Chick Hearns, you know, mustard off the hot dog. Chick Hearns blows the Cha Cha invented the slam dunk, I guess. Yeah. The term Chick Hearns. When he was coming to the end, there's a couple things that were funny. One was he was trying to keep his consecutive streak of broadcasting Laker games alive and done like 30,000 consecutively, but he had pneumonia and he was sick or whatever he had, so they would cart. They carted him out, and he, like, leaned in and says, jabbar controls the tip off. And then they pulled him back onto a gurney, pushed him back to Daniel Freeman Hospital. And I was like. I remember just seeing that when I was, you know, 21, going, hey, man, that ain't consecutive streak alive.

[Bald Bryan]

Let it go. This seems disingenuous.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this ain't. You need to play a few innings if you want. You keep your ripken. You know, you going out for half of the first inning and then hobbling back to the locker room. It's not. I don't like that. Speaking the independent spirit Awards. That is not the spirit of being an Ironman.

[Bald Bryan]

We like to glorify the old days, but the Chick Hearns of the world and Lou Gehri did this, too, when he was keeping his own streak alive. He would bat Leadoff, take a walk, and then, like, get himself out of the game. This happened.

[Adam Carolla]

This is documented. Not only that kind of hurts the team a little bit. Like, you're not as good as the guy who could be coming up from AAA and batting leadoff and digging out that grounder he hit back to the pitcher. You're just keeping your streak alive. Yeah, Chick Hearns did that. But then when he finally passed, Magic Johnson got up there. The idea that Magic Johnson had a talk show.

[Bald Bryan]

The Magic Era.

[Adam Carolla]

The Word. I did his test show, by the way.

[Bald Bryan]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

God, I gotta pull that out on tape.

[Bald Bryan]

You gotta get Magic on the ace. That would be a cool.

[Adam Carolla]

So he. He said, yeah, doing theater reviews. He was eulogizing Chick Hearns. And he said Cardinal Mahoney had spoke before him and then brought him out. And he was like, anita Hearns, all the Laker greats and luminaries. Mayor Antonio Villaragosa, Colonel Mahoney. Somehow, just the very simple twist of calling Cardinal Mahoney Colonel Mahoney. I was driving, my car almost went to a drainage ditch. And it just shows what a dick I am, because I never laugh out loud at a movie or a sitcom or anyone stand up or anybody shit at all. But Magic Johnson calling Cardinal Mahoney. Colonel Mahoney made me almost go into oncoming traffic. Would you like to try some phone calls?

[Bald Bryan]

Let's go to the phones.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Let's talk to Dan. Dan Young. Dan, do you have a question for us? Yes, I do. I had a question about radio. Big fan of kroc. Been listening for years, but it seems like I can't go an hour without hearing, like, three Foo Fighter songs and about a dozen chili pepper songs. And I know no one's calling in asking for that, so I was just wondering how that all worked, how that all helped.

[Bald Bryan]

This question, because I worked at KROC as a phone screener before I did Loveline. So actually, the people do call in and they do request.

[Adam Carolla]

They do request familiar songs that get played over and over again.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, KROC likes to. Hung around the production or the programming area a lot. So I know how this works. KROC likes to play a lot of familiar songs to keep the audience there. They assume that everyone listens for 18 minutes at a time. The average listener listens for 18 minutes at a time. So in those 18 minutes, they want to play a new hot song, a familiar song, and they like to alternate with safe song and a song you've not heard before. So that's Why I hear a lot of familiar songs like to play F Safe Song every other song.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Also. Well, that's better than my answer, which was none of your beeswax. But also, they do this. Yeah. I never need to hear under the Bridge one more time by. Or give. I don't need to hear Give It Away by the fucking Chili Peppers one more time. So Long as I fucking live, I can't stand. For some reason, I hate that band. I hate. I don't know why I hate that band. There's about three songs of theirs I like, but I find the others annoying. And Give It Away is so, if that's even what it's called, is so fucked Out. They play it on so many TV shows and so many radio shows and everything else. And I don't know why that band bothers me, but they just.

[Bald Bryan]

Weezer are like bands that you have a strong love hate with. Their song, the song, either you love it or you hate it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I find the Chili Peppers would be grating for the most part. Although they have a couple melodic songs, which I do, which I do enjoy Foo Fighters. I enjoy most all of their work now. The way they do it, too, is they test songs.

[Bald Bryan]

They rely heavily on testing.

[Adam Carolla]

They get in a group of super stupid fucking people who you would not, by the way, if any of these people recommended a Thai restaurant and said it was the best, you would go across the street and eat at the other Thai restaurant, the one called Bird Flu, you would go to, like, if they recommended any. You would not let these people who are being tested for songs. You would not let them decorate your apartment. You would not let them pick out a car for you to lease. You would not let them pick out a food or a restaurant or clothing. You would not let them dress you for a party because they have horrible taste. So why is it that we have to rely on them when it comes to music, which is just a taste thing? So if you want to know why LA Radio is as fucked up as it is, they rely on stupid people. And when I say stupid people, who the fuck else has a couple hours in the middle of the day for $10 to go fill out a survey and listen to a bunch of shit? Secondly, these people are all Pavlovian and they only respond to the familiar. So when they hear Give It Away, they make a check by that box.

[Bald Bryan]

That's absolutely correct.

[Adam Carolla]

And when they hear Bad to the Bone by George Thorogood or whatever other fucked out, you know, Hotel California or. Or Dirty Laundry, or whatever the piece of song is out there or. Or Steve Miller's Abracadabra. They put a fucking check by that box because they go, oh, I remember that song.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, I know that song equates to. Oh, I love that song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's. No. Oh, you know it, and it sucks. Teresa Strasser just entered the studio.

[Bald Bryan]

She brought news being 11, that song.

[Adam Carolla]

She's looking good.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, thank you very much for loving your song.

[Adam Carolla]

Baby.

[Teresa Strasser]

I look good, but I don't feel too good.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the matter?

[Sarah Silverman]

You ever, like, feel sick to your.

[Teresa Strasser]

Stomach and then you retrace your steps and you go, wait, oh, my gosh, I did eat my husband's half eaten shrimp burrito that had been in the refrigerator for a couple days from the taqueria in Koreatown.

[Adam Carolla]

That's got shrimp and burrito in the same thing. It's like tiger shark, killer whale. You're asking for trouble. The burrito enough to give you little kittens in your belly. Then the shrimp burrito. Yeah. And then the half eaten shrimp burrito. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I was concerned because there was the dairy, you know, the sour cream. That's always trouble. And as you made the point many times, your colon cannot hit a curve ball.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Teresa Strasser]

It can barely hit the basic.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, even Lasorda on the mound with a bucket of balls, that's about all your colon can hit.

[Bald Bryan]

You got a scuffed up knuckleball.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she got some nasty.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You all right?

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm playing injured.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if it's any consolation, Brian may explode in a cloud of fecal matter any second as well.

[Sarah Silverman]

Oh, really?

[Bald Bryan]

I'm on chemo. Hence the anti constipation.

[Teresa Strasser]

You just trumped my thing.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you got? Take that impact at college.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

Really?

[Teresa Strasser]

You got a little trip trouble.

[Adam Carolla]

And they.

[Bald Bryan]

As always, it happens every time.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. So I'm on. Like I said, I'm on a cocktail of fiber supplements and lactose.

[Adam Carolla]

So just to make sure, one of you may throw up and the other may shit. Or you both may.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, you know, we have the opposite problem. I. I'm not constipated, to say the least.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So both of you may shit. Thank you. Okay. Okay.

[Teresa Strasser]

All right, great. I've really added a lot of classes. Dignity to this broadcast.

[Adam Carolla]

No, well, I'm. Listen, you're being. You're both being honest.

[Bald Bryan]

We were discussing the Independent Spirit Awards.

[Adam Carolla]

Before you got here. We were just healthy. It's just normal human function. But can I ask you to sit on the sombrero that we have just out of shot if there's going to be an issue.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, no, that's not humiliating.

[Bald Bryan]

Turn upside down.

[Teresa Strasser]

It was Mexican food. I take the baby, I stroll the baby to the taqueria every night.

[Adam Carolla]

Good name for T's V. That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

South Korea. Dos Manas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And a great place to get sick.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because at the taqueria in Korea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, you did all right.

[Adam Carolla]

It burns, the taqueria.

[Teresa Strasser]

These. There's two sisters who run it and they have a little baby, Stephanie, she's nine months. And they. I think I go there just because they coo over Buster so much. They love him and they're all little chico, he's so sweet and they play with him. And I noticed their baby, Stephanie, she's there like, you know, eight, nine o' clock at night. And she's just in her little. She's got a little kind of walkie thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Other cultures with the kids do not sweat the details almost. And I know this is going to sound. It's going to sound xenophobic and racist, but they're not worried. I'm going to bring it around to a compliment, which is my wife with the. My dog, Molly. You didn't say bye to Molly. You know, when I leave, like I say bye to everyone, you go say bye to Molly. Like Molly's feelings aren't hurt. Molly has a brain the size of an acorn. She's the size of Texas. She's worried about her next meal and what squirrels to chase, you know, and there's a lot of bring Molly in, it's cold. Or Molly should wear a seat belt in the car. Or I got a special bed for Molly to sleep. You know, a lot of that stuff. Molly's happy on the bathroom floor on a hot summer's night. She doesn't need her own fleece lined bed that's made of angora sheep or whatever. Other cultures understand that about their dogs. Like they don't treat them like family members. They treat them. They're dogs. And other cultures kind of treat their kids that way. They're kids. They're not the golden child. They're not going to come up with a cure for cancer. They're just kids. They're supposed to get dirty. They're supposed to fall down once in a while. An uncle's supposed to fuck them. They understand that they're kids. They're kids and they're going to work and they're bringing their kids with them. And one day their kids will be at work and they'll understand how this business works and how shit works. And they won't be scared of getting their hands dirty or getting involved. And by the way, by the time they're eight or nine, they're going to be doing some work around here. They're not going to be hanging around like mascots. And they understand that, and that's cool. And we're sitting there fretting about what school in Santa Monica could we get our little kids in? So how much classical music could we pump into the womb to make them. Eh, they're just kids. And the dog's just a dog. Relax.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. And, you know, I think that's why I find myself magnetized by this baby, because she's so calm and mellow. She doesn't need to be entertained every second. She can't be, because her mom and her aunt are working, and sometimes they prop her right up on the counter and she's, like, playing with the receipt and whatever unhygienic stuff's in there, and she's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Meanwhile, I have my son, while I'm at the dinner table last night, talking about doing the table read and the sitcom and all that kind of stuff, telling me to pipe down, literally, keep quiet down. I can't hear his door. The Explorer. And then, God forbid, I pick up the TiVo remote and turn it down just two clicks, like, whoa, whoa. What the.

[Teresa Strasser]

This is what I'm used to.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Let's get the DBs up just a little. I can't hear swiper swiping or what that fox is up to. Let's go. And by the way, how about you zip it, old man? I'm gonna be. I'm gonna shit myself. And then I'm gonna go to bed in an hour. How about you talk to the old lady about your crappy project number two while I'm sawing logs? Not while Dora the Explorer's running.

[Bald Bryan]

You'll have plenty of time to talk about your little sitcom when I'm doing my sleeping.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, it's a lot of telling me to pipe down and riot. Ratting people out. And it's really.

[Teresa Strasser]

Girl rats people out. And the boy tells.

[Adam Carolla]

Sonny started ratting people out, too. Oh, man. Told Olga. Told the nanny Olga that she worked for us or me. And I could, you know, I could cut her off. Hold on. That's okay.

[Teresa Strasser]

He did some math, and he figured out who was working for who.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he backhanded her. Wow. And said, give me a sippy cup.

[Teresa Strasser]

Then we threatened to call ins.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

What a brat. Yeah, I'm gonna talk to Lynette about that later.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's doing a lot. He's playing. He's playing one against the other. He's ratting people out. He's talking shit. Yeah, they're learning to manipulate. And again, you know, their poop doesn't stick. Think. And, you know, you bend to their every whim and you create little monsters.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, I have. I have some important news to talk about. Not. You know, but before I get to that, it's very, very pressing news on depression. But have. Are you tired of talking about this ad nauseam or have you updated everyone on your little sitcom? Sunny doesn't care, but I care.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thanks. No, we're just, you know, we cast it. We're did some. Did a table read, which is the worst thing you can possibly do.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wait, aren't the writers there to laugh at the jokes they wrote?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is a different one. This is a network table read and a producer's table read. And it was funny. You know, we always talk about psychology and, you know, how essentially performers are wired delicately, for the most part. That's why they're performers. They just are. They're not the aforementioned dogs that sleep on the tile, the bathroom floor. You know, they're. They're wired. They're. They're sensitive. And especially like, let's say your average actress. Your average actress is a fuck of a lot more sensitive than the chick who works at the Taqueria. Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

Fragile.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? And I've said many times, as a producer or head, you know, network heads or whatever, your job is to take these people that are a little bit sensitive, but. But they're sort of thoroughbreds. They're like racehorses who can run their asses off, but they're high strung and they could break. They break down. And they're not stalwarts. They're not just going to pull a cart all day. You don't want that. By the way, they're high performance machines. They're high compression motors that can break down. Let's try to facilitate that by not putting them in situations where they can break down. And we did a couple of table reads. We did a just sort of. Just sort of casual one at my house where everyone sort of sat around sofas and faced each other and did it. It worked out nicely. And then a few days later, we did a table read where we all sat. It's traditional. You sit at a long table. You sit across from people and you do a table read, a literal table read. Well, then it comes time for the network table read. And the network table read is you up on a stage, essentially up on a riser. You're no longer around a table. You have a table, but it's in front of everyone. And everyone is lined up. It becomes a dais. And all of a sudden you become the defense contractor made the O rings for the space shuttle. And you have some member of Congress who's sweating you, and you're sitting there leaning in and talking to Ollie north or your attorney.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It is not its trial at Nuremberg. At this point, it's no longer a tank cable Reed.

[Teresa Strasser]

So I was following orders.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm just doing what I was told. And no, I've never seen that memo. That's. That's what it was. And so now you're sitting along a long line of you. There's 10 actors up there. And you're now facing all the heads of the production and the studios and the head of the studio and the head of NBC and so on and so forth. And, and then behind them writers, and behind them writers they brought in and behind them agents and managers. And now there's 100 people in the room. And instead of your cool little table read, now you're performing.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And all of a sudden people get a little too big, you know, because now you're playing to like the back of the room and stuff. You're not doing a single camera sitcom anymore. You're people are kind of going up on their lines. They're stumbling and tripping a little on, on stuff they've spat out perfectly 10 times before. You know, you're reading. But now instead of someone just saying, read the script and, and physically you're not looking across at the other actor. So it's like when I'm arguing with my ex wife or telling my daughter, don't worry about it, sweetie. Whereas before she was sitting four feet in front of me and I was saying to the actor, don't worry about it, sweetie. Now that actress is to my extreme right and she's five people over. She's 12ft to my right and I can't see her. We're just in a line of people. So I'm talking to my wife or my girlfriend or my daughter, but I'm talking straight out into a crowd and she's saying, oh, daddy, you're the best. Except for she's not even looking at me. And it's a totally counterproductive, fucked up way to get a good performance out of a group of people. Also, they know. The actresses know and the actors know, though there weren't many in this. They know. And this happens all the time. And it's probably happened to them. They are one fucking little sidebar away from getting replaced. Get back on a plane in New York. Like you. Literally, you do that table read. Had it happen before. Do that table read. And maybe you're just. Maybe you're not great when you're like me. I'm not a great reader. You know, I'm okay when I'm off book, but I'm not good looking down at the page, and my job's safe. It's the Adam Carolla show. But if you're an actress and this isn't your strong suit, or maybe you just got a new version of the script handed to you and there's a little stumble on the stage direction or something, they'll walk into another room and go, she's gone.

[Teresa Strasser]

Not only that, but there are the other three people that almost got your part, and they're still available.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Teresa Strasser]

And they're starting to look pretty good. When you stumbled a little bit, or maybe you didn't look quite as pretty as they remember you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So just like Hollywood always does, and just like we always talk about, here you are trying to get something from this. Just no different than you saying, I wish my cat would quit spraying on the comforter. Yeah. And then Warren Eckstein says, put some apple bitters on the thing and then take the comforter and put it near the kitty box or whatever. That's all you're doing. You're trying to train, but you don't yell at the cat, hey, knock it off.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Because all that does is freak the cat out. And you'll get more piss on your comforter.

[Teresa Strasser]

Overbred Siamese type.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Which is what we have. And. And, no, not what we have, but which almost all. I've never met an actor or actress who wants to sit in front of the man who are all women and gays and be judged.

[Sarah Silverman]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? That is their. That's. They hate that. They don't like reading. A lot of them will be offer only just because they don't want to read for people and be judged and put in that environment. So I'm saying we did this table read. It was good, but it was not as good as the last one we did where we were sitting at a table and it was much more natural and casual. And somebody said, hey, man, remember when a table read was a table read. And what you should really do is sit around the table and have those people eavesdropping, just stand behind you where you can't see them and listen in on this. That will get the best performance. Don't line everyone up and have them shouting out to the back of the room.

[Teresa Strasser]

When you're actually doing the show, there will be an audience, but you will be looking at the other.

[Adam Carolla]

No, when you're doing a show. When you're doing this show, it's a single camera.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, so this is nothing like just.

[Adam Carolla]

Like doing an independent movie. And what this was like doing is like doing a play.

[Sarah Silverman]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

You're literally in the movie.

[Teresa Strasser]

So this in no way replicates what's going to really happen.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's the stupid.

[Sarah Silverman]

Got it.

[Adam Carolla]

That makes it even in a four camera environment. It's not a great way to get a performance, but at least there's an audience in a foreground, in a single camera. It's ludicrous to do, to have it set up this way. No, you should sit at a table, you should physically look across at the person you're acting with. And these people should make notes and listen in behind your back.

[Bald Bryan]

Does this thing have a title yet, by the way?

[Adam Carolla]

I think this is Adam Carolla show or project or something. I think it's Adam Carolla show, something like that. Sounds good. I just had a nice long talk with Legal. Do you own that?

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean, do I own what? Your name? I said, well, I think so. I think I could go ahead and. I couldn't call it the George Lopez show, if that's what you're looking for. And he said, no, but I mean, will we get into trouble if you call it the Adam Carolla Show? And I. Well, not with me. I don't know who you think is going to get you into trouble.

[Teresa Strasser]

The car company probably doesn't want it that much anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

And they did one of those things where they go, well, I just don't know if CBS Radio owns it or something. I said, well, well, listen, here's how radio works. You do the, you know, man Cow show over here and then you get shit, can you do the Man Cow show over there? And then you get your can from Clear Channel. You do the man show over here or Opie and Anthony or Howard Stern or Adam Carolla or whatever it is. You do that show and you just travel around with your name. So if you can do that, you know, I'm sure radio Stations don't get to just keep your name. Otherwise I would have done. And we would have done the Howard Stern show. This is Adam Carolla doing the Howard Stern show. Love that, by the way.

[Teresa Strasser]

I could have been his Robin.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Teresa Strasser]

All he wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

Howard, top notch show today.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, before I get to this, Before I get to this, My God, I wish we had the ability for you to play some askus rodeo music. But in brief. God, you were good on Bill Maher show. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

By the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did. Oh, thanks. Thank you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Very nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of. Kind of wonder about. You kind of wonder about the band now, don't you? The band from that show. Yeah, the band. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

I. Oh, you have been banned.

[Adam Carolla]

I was like your band.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, well, we had been a very, very long absence.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I. Here's. Here's my. Here's my thing. I am not a hysteric. You've never heard me accuse someone of, like, ripping off my jokes. That guy's trying to screw me or that guy's got it. I am very practical. And I will tell you exactly how late night shows work. Hence my 500 appearances on the Jay Leno show in the last nine months, including last night. If you. Which would have been the night before. If you're hearing this on a Wednesday, you should be. If you show up on a show and you sort of put out, it's basically. It's like this. It's no different than a chicken sex. If you're good in the sack and you're close by and you never say no, your phone's gonna ring.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're gonna allow late night texts, say, right, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You head over to Teresa's place tonight for a duty call.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, no. Oh, no. Bring her on, sombrero.

[Adam Carolla]

I banged the shit out of that bitch. Oh, that's awesome. No, no, you don't understand. No, no. Put no high five.

[Sarah Silverman]

Of her bowels.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally. Yes, she did. Extruded, literally. Evacuated her bowels onto the fitted sheet. You're sick, man. You're sick. You don't understand. No, no, you don't.

[Sarah Silverman]

You're crazy.

[Bald Bryan]

You're crazy, but you're crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's what I know about this town. I know you guys have heard this story before, but Teresa doesn't remember it. And I'll twist it up a little bit when you show up and you do a job. And it's happened all along. It used to happen with Dr. Drew and myself. We Keenan Waynes had a talk show and they invited us on one night and we did our thing and they're like, wow. And then we left and said, yeah man, anytime you need us, give us a buzz, we're in town, you know. And believe me, the fucking phone rang every third week. Come on up.

[Teresa Strasser]

You were close, you put out, you never said no.

[Adam Carolla]

And I didn't shit myself when they were poor, right? And that's how they work and that's what goes on in this town if they find someone who's money, you know what I mean? Like, okay, look, I'm not a list celebrity, but they know slot me in one more thing that one segment they don't have to worry about.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yes, exactly.

[Teresa Strasser]

My brief experience with this doing Dr. Phil, they had me on I didn't know okay job. Now they had me back six times.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you did a great job. That's how they know. And I, it's, it's, it's the second I like poop. My second date theory, which is it doesn't matter what the chick says or what the guy says. I had a great time, thank you for the lovely evening. We'll be getting together again by have your phone number. If your phone doesn't ring, it was a bad first date, right? If your phone rings two days later, you're in. It was a good date. And by the way, you could think the first date went like shit. If your phone rings, it was a good first day. And it's the same with Dr. Phil. I don't care how you thought you did your first performance or appearance.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, cried all the way home.

[Adam Carolla]

They, I'm sure they thought, in other words great. They thought you did a great job so they, or a good enough job so they wanted you back. And that's how this town works. And that's the reason I did. And again, you guys can make, you guys can figure this out. But that's why I did politically incorrect 20 to 25 times in a two year period. They have egos, they don't like to book guess every two months or every three weeks. To them it's a failure. If you see a face pop up first week of March and the last week of March and that same week, if you see the same guy pop up, that means somebody's getting fired or somebody's Rolodex needs to be thrown out or what have you. So they don't like to do that, but they will do it. And they did do it with me constantly. I would get calls day of that afternoon, not Bill Carter, Scott Carter, the producer would say, hey man, hey Adam, I know it's last minute, but your money. Can you help us out? Somebody dropped out. Nigra Anis dropped out. And by the way, be careful saying his name. When you've had a couple of beers, grab your tongue and say Nigel Anis. So I would do the show all the time and then they went over to HBO and my phone stopped ringing. Was the same panel, the same a deal Hughley's done. I've seen him 18 times on the show being sometimes funny, sometimes not. Either way, how come the guy who always brought it and the guy who always put out and who Bill Maher said was one of his favorite guests constantly, to me and to other people, was never asked in the first hundred shows or 150 shows of the new format, which was the same format except for you could say shit and fucking even favored my style of comedy even more. Filmed at the same location in the same town at approximately the same time on a Friday night with a panel of three oftentimes boring political pundit type guests and oftentimes flying people out from New York and oftentimes last minute cancellations and so forth. How come my phone did not ring in five years?

[Bald Bryan]

Did you get an explanation?

[Teresa Strasser]

I know that. I understand the ban. I remember this now. Yes, there. The theory was that there may have been a ban because of your association with Kimmel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

And the, the competition.

[Adam Carolla]

Kimmel disagrees with it. Everyone I speak to. Well, not everyone I speak to. Kimmel disagrees with it. And I bet they wouldn't admit it. But what else? Is there another reason under the sun why the guy who shows up and hits triples and the occasional home run on your program, but never strikes out and has never said no, is not asked to do the same show on HBO for the next five, six seasons. No. And when I showed up on Saturday night, I just did what I always would do on that. On that show, which is more argument and more of a reason why they would have had me and should have had me. Now the real question is, is what will happen after this?

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm very curious.

[Adam Carolla]

We shall see. I think the ban has been, has been lifted. That's, that's. He definitely put out, but there was definitely an embargo on the ace man over there. And anyone who says otherwise does not know anything about fucking tv. I mean, that's how it works. They find someone who puts out and they go to him constantly. Maybe. Listen, I'm not saying that there are plenty of celebrities who would be booked in front of me and I'M not saying I would even made it into season one, but at some point when, you know, I have a talk show coming out or a home improvement show coming out or, you know, this. This whole podcast thing, which is very interesting to them because they do a podcast as well, and that's more their audience and so on and so forth. The fact that all the shit I've done in the last five years and it's been good enough for the Tonight show and it's not been good enough for the cable show. Something's up. And the same people, Bill Maher and Scott Carter, the same two people running the shows, the same two people who said, call Carolla a thousand times for your show before. Never said, call Carolla. Completely and utterly impossible.

[Teresa Strasser]

You were a Cohiba embargoed Cuban cigar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, it was. And it's the same thing we know from doing our radio show. Like, if David Alan Grier was not asked to come back on the show for five years running, he should rightfully expect that Teresa said she would quit if she saw his black ass even in the parking structure or something. There'd be something. Right. It wouldn't be just that, because someone would have said, hey, man, it's been four months since DAG's been on the show. Somebody get him on the blower. Right?

[Bald Bryan]

You made me think, actually, you think Niger got made fun of as a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Niger Ennis. When you see how his name is spelled everybody.

[Bald Bryan]

You think he got teased on the playground?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think he got teased because I think other people's head exploded. Like, guys named Kelly Carter got called smelly farter. Right. But that was a little math that had to be done. Niger Ennis was like, should we drop the N word? No, no, no, no. Let's use a. Oh.

[Bald Bryan]

And then a fight would fight with monkey bars.

[Adam Carolla]

Fight would break out between the two. The two warring factions that wanted to drop N bombs and the other that wanted to go with the anus. And then they were like, oh, forget it. And they probably end up starting to come fight. And then they call them. Then they would call each other self. Smelly farter. All right, sorry, Sorry. T. Can we.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, we gotta talk about depression.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's.

[Teresa Strasser]

One of my favorite topics I know that Brian hasn't really had much experience with.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, you'd be surprised, really. When I was at my lowest medically, there was some sad times.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

But anyway, yes, let's care.

[Teresa Strasser]

I find this interesting. Okay. As you've probably both heard, there have been two Notable suicides in the news very frequently. One of them close to our community here. I. I don't know about the two.

[Adam Carolla]

I barely heard about the Marie Osmond.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, there's the Marie Osmond. Her son, 18, killed himself. He seems to have thrown himself out the window. Sad. And. And prior to that, a guy named Andrew Koenig, who was in the comedy community here, went missing in Vancouver.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sure. Doogie. No, wait a minute. Boner.

[Teresa Strasser]

He was. It was Boner.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Boner on Growing Pains.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And he was a really well liked comedian. He had also been clinically depressed, and when he went missing, it seemed very likely that he.

[Adam Carolla]

I had heard they were looking for him and people were tweeting. By the way, you want to talk to the world's laziest search party?

[Sarah Silverman]

Tweet.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not gonna get on my horse and go meet you in the center of town and then ride off and due north where he was last seen. But I will tweet. I will tweet about it right from my condo. Yes, he was Boner.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Footnote to the history, by the way. In our radio show history, you referenced him when you were trying to say the word boner on the air. We got trouble for that back in, oh, six.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, I remember.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that was our dump guy.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Dump. Our dump guy kept dumping me when I said boner. And I said, you're allowed to say boner, Right? And he. He was like, no, you're not. Now, I don't know if that's the incident where he followed me into the kitchen during the commercial and settled my hash.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't know which of our dumb guys this was. Actually. That was one of our many dumb guys.

[Teresa Strasser]

He was the creepiest of all the creepy guys.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said to him, there was a guy on TV in 1988 named Boner. You're allowed to say boner. And can I just say this very quickly before we move on to boner?

[Sarah Silverman]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody who thinks it's a great idea to follow me to a space and settle my hash with an argument, I urge you to think again. Reconsider your strategy. I really urge you. And if you have some documentation that proves your point, or a tape that proves your point, or some video surveillance that's gonna make your point, by all means, follow me to the kitchen. But if you only have the same argument you were losing moments earlier on the air, or ironically, with my wife in the kitchen or whatever it is, do not feel. Donnie, I'm speaking To you here, too. Do not feel compelled to rip the scab off an argument that I cut you with moments earlier.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Please have some new information, because the problem is, is now you will not only get me arguing my point, but you will get an angry version of me arguing my point. And all I do is talk for a living. And I'm smarter than you, and I was right in the first place. That's why we're having this argument. So you will. It will go from a light beating about the head and shoulder area to a full blown ass kicking if you want to follow me in the kitchen. Now, I'm not saying you can't or you're not allowed to argue with me. Just please get your ducks in order and plan on winning.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. How about you don't go all in with a 10 high?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's with this guy. He had. He had really maybe nine high or a pair of threes, and he went all in. And he was a dump guy, and he followed me out into the kitchen and he wanted to continue. My hat. Settling my hat. This was a guy got paid $6 an hour to work the dump button versus the guy who ran the Howard Stern show, as we've now will refer to it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes. And that was really the only time I ever saw you go off on anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, my feeling is always this. And I really hope that I come across the way I would like to come across with this. I don't look at myself as any different as anyone else than anyone else who works there. I look at myself as an employee and we all just work for. I look at myself as an employee of the Adam Carolla show. Like, we all just work. It's my fault. I shouldn't look at myself that way sometimes. But I just look at us. We all have equal votes and we're all here and whatever. But I do understand that I've been doing this for 20 years and you've been doing it for 10 seconds. And I do understand where I'm at on the comedy pyramid. Just below Nigeranus on the comedy pyramid. And I know where you're at. And I'm going to be polite. I'm not going to raise my voice. I'm not going to rub your face, anything. But if you're going to bring it around for lap number three. Yes. Eventually the sword's coming out. Only because you forced it, Right? We did not. Whether you're a producer from Dancing with the Stars or you're the guys running the dump button. We could have. You could have gotten out of this argument unscathed. But you had to keep pushing. And now I'm like Billy Jack and I'm taking my shoes off.

[Bald Bryan]

But you realize that you're partly to blame for this, for the reason you just said. You look at yourself as just one of the employees. I mean, you're the boss, de facto warrior.

[Adam Carolla]

Bill Maher does not have this problem.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, he is the boss.

[Adam Carolla]

And he will lead and he will tell. He will get your ass. And rightfully so. I mean, Kimmel's this way, Marr's this way. Nobody's like mar. And I don't mean this in a disrespectful way. They're the boss. They understand they're the boss. And your job is not to fucking tell the Boss he's wrong 10 times.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, we'll get to Dancing with the Star. Speaking of that in a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

So when he said. Threw himself out a window.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah. He was living here in Los Angeles. He was going to fit. The Fashion Institute or. No, it's Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising. Sorry. And I was having some trouble emotional. Oh, you mean because he was going to the Institute of Design?

[Adam Carolla]

Usually a guy takes an interest in culottes at a young age. Just curious. Sometimes it factors in.

[Teresa Strasser]

I. Yeah, he seems to have thrown himself out the window.

[Adam Carolla]

And was it throwing himself out? So he was in or something. Oh, my God. And like, what floor were they on?

[Teresa Strasser]

He had. I'm not sure, but I know he had a friend, a female friend friend. And he left a note kind of for her.

[Adam Carolla]

So this is what guys do when they're despondent over women, Right? Or in a relationship.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think he had had a history of depression.

[Bald Bryan]

He may have been chemically.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, listen, you need to have a nice base. Like, it's, it's. It's. It's a three parter. You need a nice base of depression.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You need something to trigger it. Like a breakup.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you need to live above the fifth floor.

[Teresa Strasser]

This is the seven layer suicide dip.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, it's. It's like, it's. We talk about all the time. It's like, oh, do you realize what the suicide rate of cops are? Hey, if you had a gun strapped your right hip at all times, as a matter of fact, even when you're off duty, you were required to bring it with you. I would have shot myself 300 times by now.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sure, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or actually probably once. But I would have then wanted to come back so I could shoot Myself again. How many times would you have killed yourself if you just, you know, your girlfriend's screaming at you and you're on her lawn and there's a new dude's motorcycle parked in front of her condo and you have a fucking firearm shop there. If only I had a. Oh, when I was 19, yeah, I really. I would feel the same way about living in a high rise condo. Like I would not live in Clapton's condo because at some fucking point I get drunk and despondent and whatever be fucking around. Or I know Ray would fall over 10 or 15. 15 times. Or again, maybe once. But the point is.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, men are ready 10 or 15.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true.

[Teresa Strasser]

And this Boner, sorry.

[Sarah Silverman]

Also.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, we. We decided it. Well, we discuss it also means a mistake. It's in Webster.

[Adam Carolla]

You pull a boner, right? Teresa, this is the house. Sorry.

[Bald Bryan]

Start acting like it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sorry. Boner was found hanging from a tree in Vancouver when he finally. When he finally was hold on by his waist.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, Old school. I feel bad because when I'd heard the story about Boner, I was picturing Skippy from the. Yeah, Mark.

[Teresa Strasser]

What's his face?

[Adam Carolla]

Michael J. Fox. Yeah, yeah, Family Ties. And I had him by the way of no ending for a song with you. And it was Shalala. What do we do, baby with no ending, say Shallala. I was picturing Skippy instead of Boner. I forgot about Boner.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think Skippy's still. Still with us.

[Adam Carolla]

Sadly.

[Teresa Strasser]

This is. This is, by the way, Koenig's parents. I don't know if you guys know, his dad was on Star Trek. Yeah, played Check.

[Adam Carolla]

His dad was the Black Jack.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, that's where I know the name.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Uhura. They asked fans of his to donate to the National Suicide prevention Hotline. Now, all that being said, there's a new study about depression and this is getting a lot of attention. In fact, there's an article about it, and it's the most popular article on the New York Times online site right now. It's called Depression's Upside.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Which speaks to their viewership, by the way. A lot of people staying home, taking rain days, sitting in front of the computer.

[Bald Bryan]

Come on, good news.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is there anything?

[Adam Carolla]

I guarantee LA Opinion, if they even have an online site, this is not popular. They're number one articles of the Chocobra 10 most popular pinata stuffings. Kicks the shit out of this one.

[Bald Bryan]

Candy corn again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So this article was written by a guy named Jonah Lair.

[Adam Carolla]

How stoked is Dr. Drew?

[Teresa Strasser]

That depression's good for you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's this fucking cottage he's on. I can't.

[Bald Bryan]

Everything is coming up.

[Adam Carolla]

Drew turn on a television set. He's sitting next to Larry Corner. Sex addiction.

[Teresa Strasser]

He's cornered addiction.

[Adam Carolla]

It's as if he'd made some sort of agree, like some deal with the devil where every celebrity was gonna kill themselves or come out with a sex tape or be addicted to booze or something. And there's no other person but Dr. Drew. And he just shows up at every single event and speaks on. And they all have to go. I was. I was laughing about it with him. But it be. It'd be the equivalent of. It'd be like, oh, saved Gary Coleman the other day, of course. But it'd be like if all of a sudden, there was a whole bunch of carpentry related celebrity stories that just started coming out. Like, Cameron Diaz got her foot caught on the strike side of her Bel Air mansion door. Or the. Or Leonardo DiCaprio. DiCaprio is having trouble with a cripple wall or pony wall. I'd be on every one of these shows as the expert, as a celebrity spokesperson for Carpenter. Yeah. Dr. Drew is everywhere all the time. So much so that when he does one of these shows, he actually has to save Gary Coleman. Like, he can't even go on one of these shows to talk about some guy who hung himself or some celebrity that od. He actually literally fixes one while he's there.

[Bald Bryan]

He essentially bought low and is selling very, very high in this whole depression addiction thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You want to speak of depression? If I have another come up to me and go, what's it like with drew and his 10 TV shows and you and your zero shows, your one measly podcast? I will throw myself out of window.

[Teresa Strasser]

This. This relates directly to what you're saying.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay, sorry to interrupt.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what?

[Bald Bryan]

You have to hope for an earthquake. You have to hope for celebrity homes. You just hope for celebrity homes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we need one out here.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I'm just sitting next to. You know, I'm sitting there with Anderson Cooper, and I go, look, I do a lot of joking on tv, but one thing I don't kid about is sheer wall. I'd love to talk to Anderson, but.

[Bald Bryan]

I gotta go nail this wall.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. There's some HDs and he'll be tightened down answering, oh, that's right. You, face. Don't know what that stuff means. Oh, my God. But either way, lots of TV time for the agent. All right, sorry.

[Teresa Strasser]

Guy named Jonah Lair wrote this piece, and I. I have a little crush on him, although I've never seen him.

[Sarah Silverman]

See, you're gonna love why?

[Teresa Strasser]

Because I heard him on Fresh Air discussing a book he wrote about decision making and how. How your mind approaches decisions, and I thought, this guy's hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of Fresh Air, by the way, nothing out of either one of you. Thank you. I mean, you know, you both came in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bowel issues.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, we're holding in.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm holding tight.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally. Yeah. Nary an infant fart at either one of you, so congratulations. So he was on Fresh Air discussing how the decision making process.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. And I thought, God, I kind of have the.

[Sarah Silverman]

Is that what he looks like?

[Bald Bryan]

Is that him?

[Adam Carolla]

Picture him. What's good?

[Teresa Strasser]

I wasn't married. See, I could see myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Funky glasses, looks a little depressed.

[Bald Bryan]

You don't like colors?

[Teresa Strasser]

Thinks too much.

[Adam Carolla]

He's hot, but he hates himself. And he just got hotter in Teresa's eyes.

[Teresa Strasser]

But you know what? Maybe we'd be two of a kind, and that wouldn't work.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it'll also be one of those things where you'd be sitting around and you're going, I'm thinking about killing myself. And he'd go, all right, but wait till the weekend because let's hammer that last paycheck. He might not talk you out of it. You know what I mean?

[Teresa Strasser]

Right? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, me too. We should do that. So he told you how the thinking.

[Teresa Strasser]

Process, if we bred though, the kid would just come out, like, with thick glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

Thick glasses and a little depression. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So, okay, so I already love him. So he's written an article in the New York Times about depression, and I am only going to be able to give it a very facile interpretation. But he's writing about a study that came out. These two psychologists, they were interested in evolutionary psychology. In other words, why are you depressed? There must be some purpose. If you are an evolutionary biologist or if you believe in evolution in any way, there must be some purpose to being depressed, to ruminating. Now, obviously, when people kill themselves, well, that makes no evolutionary sense at all, because our point is to keep going. But most of us, the bulk of us, will have some time in our life when we get really depressed. And the main feature of that depression will be, so called ruminating, going over and over and over and over and over a thing in your mind. Sure, that must have some usefulness.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's. If you're a plant. I mean, if you're a fan of just sort of intelligent design or even if you're. Even if you're a fan of Darwin or whoever, you have to admit that almost everything we do has a purpose. Even the shit we don't. Like, like when you guys have your periods. There's a reason, Brian. Yeah, well, I'm looking at him. Point is like, what the fuck do we need this for? Well, the egg's sloughing off. And you know, there's sort of mechanical biological stuff, but there's emotional stuff. And you can get to the bottom of almost every. All of it from an evolutionary standpoint.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. So coming from that perspective, these two scientists looked into it and they began exploring what they saw as the depression paradox. Their evolutionary perspective, however, according to this article, they see the mind as a fine tuned machine that is not prone to pointless programming bugs. In other words, your mind isn't ruminating because there's something wrong, but because there's something right.

[Adam Carolla]

And so many millions of people wouldn't suffer from this, or at least have this obsession with ruminating if it didn't serve you somehow.

[Teresa Strasser]

They say rumination was often a response to a specific psychological blow.

[Adam Carolla]

And one of my favorite golden girls.

[Teresa Strasser]

None of the other ones showed up at her funeral.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because they're whiteies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, so in other words, if you have a divorce or the loss of a job, you're going to have this unpleasant period of ruminating.

[Bald Bryan]

Sort of like dwelling.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

You dwell on something bad happened to you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes, it's an. It's extreme dwelling. What could that purpose be? So these scientists say that it's. You're dwelling in response to some actual setback and that this depression has been triggered by something and you may spend a lot of time regretting it. And some people say ruminating is bad. You're reinforcing the depression. You should snap out of it. But what they're saying is maybe it allows people to learn from their mistakes. So, you know, you had a divorce. Maybe you could have been less rigid and more loving to that person.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe. Why are you looking at me?

[Teresa Strasser]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And pointed.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian saw the back of your head.

[Teresa Strasser]

But when. I mean, if Lynette. I mean, let's just say Lynette was gone and you'd be ruminating. And perhaps during that period of rumination.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd be ruminating on a 19 year old cocktail waitress, by the way.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Come into my room. I got a nade on you.

[Bald Bryan]

We just ruminated an hour ago, let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Say when I was in my refractory period. I would be ruminating and perhaps you refractorated.

[Teresa Strasser]

You would be refrigerating and perhaps you would have some sort of insight as to why this had gone wrong, which would thus prevent you from making a similar mistake. Now let's just say you got.

[Adam Carolla]

You do it the same way. You walk through a scary neighborhood and get your ass kicked. And I'm not going down that street again.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And again it's the emotional, sadly, but it's the emotional version of what I always talk about, which is profiling. You get bit by a German shepherd, you get frightened by German shepherds and some asshole telling you, don't be bite. You know, not all German shepherds bite. And all that kind of stuff doesn't. No, we're not programmed that way. We're programmed to avoid this or to ruminate on that and to persevere and to not get divorced next time or bit next time.

[Sarah Silverman]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

If the biological purpose of pain is to prevent the reoccurrence of stupidity. Right. Then that pain is useful. Now let's talk specifically about the ruminating because they've done all these studies and again, I'm oversimplifying this. Please read the article if I'm getting anything wrong. But they've done studies on people who are depressed and then ask them to solve simple math problems. Well, you can't. Because if you've ever been ruminating on something, like maybe when you were at your low, you cannot. Your mind is just going around and around and around. And I mean you can't do simple division because you're ruminating.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to. Thankfully I avoided that by not being able to do simple division out of high school. But during my took high school, literally high school math. I'm still the only person I know who never took algebra all the way. While everyone else was completing it in the eighth grade, I was taking something called high school math. By the way, high school math is called algebra, trigonometry, geometry. But I just took calculus. Calculus. I was very depressed. It, I was kind of always depressed, but I then when my girlfriend dumped me and I was driving a beat up pickup truck, I was making $9 an hour, swinging a hammer. My job sucked and everything. I was wildly and marvelously depressed. And I remember one time we were building a house in Simi Valley, back like when Simi Valley didn't have any houses. And we're working on this one custom house at the top of the hill on an avocado orchard and my boss asked me if I could go down There alone and frame out some ducting, you know, build a soffit around some air conditioning ducting in the garage. And I was really bummed out, actually. I think this is about my second girlfriend, Lindsey. I was totally bummed out about, devastated and depressed about her dumping me. I was really more just devastated about my life and my childhood and everything else, but I was alone in this thing. And I'd been a carpenter for seven years by now. And, you know, I had my tools and my truck and my. You know, I'm a good carpenter. And I was like, trying to frame this soffit out, and it, like, it was crooked and it was falling off, and I couldn't get it right. And I was like. And, you know, you want to talk about basic math? Try doing some carpentry where you're pulling the tape measure out, you're trying to solve these problems and design sort of design things. And you're not just assembling a jungle gym. You're having to build fucking up left and right. Like, getting more depressed now about the fucking up of not being able to.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, not only can you not satisfy a woman sexually, but you can't frame out a duck. You can't frame out a simple soffit.

[Teresa Strasser]

They were related.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I was like. And I remember driving down the long dirt driveway and down the hill through the avocado orchard. On the. In the middle of nowhere, on the way home, there were some train tracks, and we sort of stopped or drove past them, and we didn't really bother. It was out in the middle of nowhere, and a commuter train just went speeding by. And my boss said, ooh, that was close. And I was like, yeah, too bad. Yeah, too bad it missed us. So could not think at all. Carpentry is a very good. It's a very good concrete example of trying to use that part of your brain and solve problems. And when you're depressed and ruminating, forget get it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because now you're suffering the cognitive deficits of a typical depressed person, let's just say. And these scientists are saying that there's a sort of scratch pad in your mind, and that's your kind of working memory. And now all of that scratch pad is filled with, Lindsay, dump me, Lindsay, dump me, Lindsay. And you can't. So you can't do things you could normally do. The bad news is that now you're prone to distraction. You can easily make mistakes. But they say there's good news because now that you're ruminating, it may be allowing your Brain. Or teaching your brain to focus in a particular way.

[Adam Carolla]

Focus for the window on the fifth floor.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, that's the problem. Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, that. That is the problem. But if.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just teach you to focus. All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Sarah Silverman]

You.

[Teresa Strasser]

So it's not a good time to do any simple math problems or frame anything out or anything to do with the soffit.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Soffit building. Yeah, all this stuff. You guys know what a soffit is? Nope. Oh, you know, it's sort of the close cousin of a chase or maybe related to a chase when you. When you go to somebody's. Sorry, no, no. All right. But you go to someone's kitchen. Right? Right. And you walk up and, you know, they have that hood vent or something. And you'll see, like, if you look up top, you see the ceiling drops down a foot and then drops in a foot, you know, somewhere above something. It's usually above on the ceiling. Well, that's where the ducting is going for the hood vent or the air conditioning or whatever. That thing you build around that you drop down around the ceiling to accommodate the vent hose or the air conditioning hose. Soffit.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay, Sorry.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, so now you've got to. Your brain needs to figure out and analyze what caused the problem that's making you so depressed.

[Sarah Silverman]

So you.

[Adam Carolla]

But how. How about the part where most of guys I know just feverishly masturbate to the chick and just think, I'll kill that bitch?

[Teresa Strasser]

What about if you get fired?

[Bald Bryan]

It's a biological.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, if you get fired.

[Teresa Strasser]

Say, getting fired.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm still talking about.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that would still help.

[Adam Carolla]

Swap the bitch out for Jack Silver. Leave it. Leave the masturbation, and we're right back where we started. No. Okay. All right. Yeah, you got fired. Yeah. What?

[Teresa Strasser]

Got fired.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So now you. You. Everything shuts down. Right. You're not. You can't sleep and you can't eat, but what you can do is ruminate.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a soffit.

[Teresa Strasser]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. One's a chase, maybe. Technically, and this is. Soffit is like what you build on the fascia on the outside of a house. But anyway.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, now you can pay continuous attention to whatever dilemma has presented itself. In other words.

[Adam Carolla]

Now this is also why dumbos and assholes who aren't prone to depression don't seem to shake off this shit. Like, they get fired. And then you go, why'd you get fired? Boss is a dick.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you go, well, what? What? What? Now they Go have some beers.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like they don't seem to be going over it for one second, like, oh, I could have been a better employee, only I hadn't drank that copier toner.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, a lot of people disagree with this, and a lot of scientists disagree with this and they think this is like crackerjack research. But I'll tell you this. About three days ago, I know you're gonna find this shocking, but I got a little depressed.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

First of all, I'm surprised at the little part.

[Teresa Strasser]

I know.

[Sarah Silverman]

Thank you.

[Teresa Strasser]

For only the second time since I've had the baby, I know people sometimes get more depressed, but I started out depressed, I got less depressed. Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Teresa Strasser]

I know, it's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So I've been. When the baby was like three weeks old, I had a little bit of a moment. And then now he's five months. So three days ago I really, really got pregnant.

[Adam Carolla]

It's really only your second moment in five months.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not bad. That's like somebody who has a bad herpes problem only having two flare ups.

[Teresa Strasser]

Two outbreaks.

[Adam Carolla]

Two outbreaks in five months?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. When you're a little stressed, the virus that's in you comes out. And what happened? The trigger was that the baby had been sleeping all through the night. And Suddenly for about three weeks straight, just up, up at 12, up 12:30, up at 1, up at 1:30. And it wasn't just that I wasn't getting sleep, although I'm sure that contributed to it. But I was. Felt like a failure. Like, why don't I understand my baby? I'm not good at this. I'm suddenly supposed to be a fucking expert on infant sleep patterns.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

And so what I did.

[Bald Bryan]

You're our toughest critic.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah. I got. So I started to get real depressed. Real depressed.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

In fact, I even said to my husband, I'm a little concerned.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. And we went to see my therapist, Sharon, before I had the baby, just in case. Me? Yeah, she asked me.

[Adam Carolla]

During your depression.

[Teresa Strasser]

Me and my. We got the carpool lane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, she asked me to bring this. Oh, thank you. She. Sorry, that was stupid. She asked me to bring the Mr. Just in case because she thought I might be a candidate for postpartum so she could tell him what to look for. But I didn't get it. I was fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you, that conversation went. Hide the knives.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, the pills, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I wouldn't. Knives. Whatever.

[Bald Bryan]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a bathtub. Yeah. Fill it with concrete. Fill it with packing beans, you'll never notice.

[Teresa Strasser]

So what?

[Adam Carolla]

I got real.

[Teresa Strasser]

I got a little worried there. And I talked to your wife, actually, and that was pretty helpful. And I tried to tell myself these things are phases, and they pass.

[Adam Carolla]

So hearing about what a douchebag I was for 40 minutes made you feel better?

[Teresa Strasser]

47.

[Sarah Silverman]

So then I.

[Teresa Strasser]

So I got depressed. And then I thought, okay, here's what I know how to do. I can learn. I'm pretty decent at learning. So I went on Amazon.com and I ordered, I looked, and I bought. Which are the four top books on fucking baby sleep. Because I'm gonna figure this shit out, right? Right. Because I'm so depressed, I can't think about anything else. So I overnight four books.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, there should be a Patriot act for this, which is, you know, we're looking for, you know, sleeper cells here in the US but when someone with depression being as big a topic as it is, and as many Americans dying of depression every year, I heard Dr. Drew on 10 shows yesterday saying that 20% of people with depression will end their lives. I mean, that's a substantial number. You have someone like Homeland Security, maybe? Man by Dr. Drew. Somebody should be like, oh, somebody just made a purchase at Amazon for four baby sleep books. And why I hate my kids and why I hate your kid Hate yourself book. That's right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Postpartum.

[Adam Carolla]

Leo Biscalia. Got two Leo Viscalia books.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, geez.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And Red light going off. Like the same reason why I can't go into the Save on drugstore and buy 15 jugs of Sudafed. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're making meth.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm cooking up meth.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Red flag. Yeah. You can buy two of these, you buy three. We're flagging you.

[Teresa Strasser]

By the way, you know that book Final Exit, which teaches you how to kill yourself in a humane manner?

[Adam Carolla]

Neither the ones I would follow up on. Even if you're arguing, it was a gift.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Hanukkah's got eight days in there. What the hell do I want to do? I was tapped for six.

[Teresa Strasser]

It was like socks. And then I was out of ideas. My God. My Aunt Lorraine, God bless her, she. She. When she was found with the baggie over her head. Also, the book Final Exit was nearby, so she figured out how to do. Look, there's been a few suicides. There's been a few suicides.

[Adam Carolla]

That could have been a coincidence.

[Teresa Strasser]

There's been a way to. So look, so I don't mess around. And when I Start getting depressed. I do tell people around me.

[Adam Carolla]

So I tell myself, well, that's, that's great. I mean, you know, I think what we're trying to do, and, you know, it sounds trite, but if anyone could learn anything from these tragedies, and we should, is that you're not just cuckoo in the cabeza. You have something that's not much different than diabetes.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's treatable.

[Adam Carolla]

It's treatable, but you have to monitor your insulin and check your levels. Live with it and don't neglect it, and don't put yourself in situations. Don't go camping without your Snickers bar or whatever it is, and treat yourself like you have diabetes or many, many other things that Americans live with and control.

[Teresa Strasser]

So I got these four books and then I took the day off.

[Sarah Silverman]

And then I went to the.

[Teresa Strasser]

I went to the Coffee Bean and I read approximately 1,000 pages about baby sleep in one day.

[Adam Carolla]

They must love getting rich off of the one small coffee they sold you. More creamer.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's even sadder.

[Adam Carolla]

$120 worth of non dairy creamer seven hours later. Oh, wonder why everyone's going under.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's even sadder because I didn't want the coffee because that keeps you up. So I got the tea and then more hot water.

[Adam Carolla]

More hot water. They lost money. It's the only time they've ever lost in stirring sticks. They didn't think there was a way you could actually toss them and stir sticks.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, arguably, arguably my momentary depression was giving me, Was giving me focus, right? Because I was depressed about one thing. I couldn't figure out why my baby had been sleeping for 12 hours. Then it wasn't. So I read these books and I figured it out. Look, I figured it out and I tinkered, right? And three days later, it's better.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's no reason why in this day and age, especially of a Mackenzie Phillips on Oprah talking about having consensual sex with her father. Everything's in the open. There's no more taboos. As a matter of fact, if there were, they're big business and it's out in the open. You no longer have to be that 50s era depressed housewife who, if you're not waiting with the, you know, pot roast and the slippers and the pipe, the husband's pissed off and you have to go, when have some of mama's little helpers and all that kind of stuff, you're quietly hiding bottles of booze in the toilet or in the closet. And any of that stuff, you're allowed to just go, look, I have this issue and I'm working on it. And then you can work on it once. You can work on it, by the way. You don't have to have it come to the point where you kill yourself.

[Bald Bryan]

Or you go on celebrity incest with Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Hot new show now.

[Teresa Strasser]

When my book comes out, do I have to get my dad to be part of a Just get on high.

[Adam Carolla]

That we get on this. Get on the same page. Maybe the book that your aunt had. I'm just saying. Just make sure he can corroborate anything you said. Right. You don't want to say he used to rape you in the pool house and then have him say, we didn't have a pool.

[Sarah Silverman]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You're get on the same.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're moving some copies. It's worth a phone call.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, God. I remember when I used to lie about. About my. I mean, I remember when. You know that I've been 29 for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

And there was a time when I had to keep reminding my dad what age I was because he was confused by my real age.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like. Yeah. When me and a teenage Teresa march in Selma, Alabama, when those poor kids weren't admitted Into College in 1964, we had to review. You had to straighten that thing out. Dad, I wasn't born right.

[Teresa Strasser]

So that's the good news about depression. Whether you believe it or you don't, I do. Very interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe that everything millions of. Look, let's put it this way. In the animal kingdom, if millions of polar bears or penguins or even cats or mice did something, we would all know that it was for a reason.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sure. You hibernate for a reason.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever it is, in the animal kingdom, if millions of them did it, we'd go, there's something motivating this. So why are we any different? A little more advanced, but no different.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. We wouldn't have a bug in our brain that was that common.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All right. I think that's a happy note to go on.

[Teresa Strasser]

What could be happier?

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing. T. Bone. Let's do some plugs.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay. I. I have a few, if you'll humor me.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

The parent experiment, which is the show I'm doing with your wife, Lynette Carolla.

[Bald Bryan]

Best parenting show I ever heard.

[Teresa Strasser]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you.

[Bald Bryan]

By far.

[Teresa Strasser]

There are a couple of ways to find it. One, you can.

[Adam Carolla]

So says the guy with no kids.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know what a lot of our audience have? A lot of our audience are not parents. You can go to itunes and search the Parent Experiment and subscribe, or you can go to AdamCarolla.com and look for the Parent experiment page and then hit subscribe on the upper right hand corner. Now I should say the. The most recent episode with Mayim Bialik. Completely a completely fascinating woman and possibly one of the smartest celebrities I've ever interviewed.

[Adam Carolla]

She played Boner from Growing Pains.

[Teresa Strasser]

She was blossoming.

[Adam Carolla]

She wore hats.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now this week's episode, which will post Friday, is a special Oscar episode. So we're gonna have Oscar predictions and we're gonna talk about the best movie moms ever. Your wife's is excellent.

[Sarah Silverman]

You'll love it.

[Teresa Strasser]

So you'll have to listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. Just for that, she quizzed me on that one.

[Teresa Strasser]

She did?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I got it wrong. I thought I knew it, but I got it wrong.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's gonna be. I think it may be our strongest yet. So that's our episode.

[Adam Carolla]

I said Shirley MacLaine in terms of Endearment. And she said she will be coming up. You were wrong. And Teresa just gave me a look of. Hey, Dick, that was my best movie. What the fuck? Don't play. Don't ever enter a poker tournament, sweetie. I read that right on that 29 year old face.

[Sarah Silverman]

That was a tell, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

But you know what? Yes, that is mine.

[Sarah Silverman]

But.

[Teresa Strasser]

But here's the thing. We have two top critics, Ben Mankiewicz and Christy Lemire, and they are bringing six of their best movie moms, plus their Oscar predictions. So give us a download.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome. Oh, oh, mine saying Ann Bancroft for Mommy Dearest.

[Teresa Strasser]

Ann Bancroft in the Graduate was a. Was a pretty good movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Who did Mommy Dearest?

[Teresa Strasser]

That was Joan Crawford.

[Adam Carolla]

Joan Crawford.

[Bald Bryan]

Sorry, Laurie and Carrie.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And. And ball.

[Bald Bryan]

Bryan, Brian on Twitter. And if you want to see updates on my condition, go to inconvenienttuber.com Also.

[Adam Carolla]

Another donation asked, $2.99 to be exact, for one of our live shows. 90 minutes of non stop Hilarity. Ralph Garman, Bill Burr, Dove Davidoff did this one. It's the Irvine show. And again, it cost about 50 bucks to get in and out of one of these places. 25 bucks for the ticket, little service and handling tax charges on that. Two drink minimums, about 50 bucks a pop. You get the same thing for under three bucks. And we can get people paid around here. Also. Speaking of getting people paid, thank you to all who bought our first year DVD box set. These sales have been great. It's been a great success and it's been every single show we did, every single show that was done in the first season on High Def. I don't know what the fuck it is, but the point is is if you're a fan of this show and you'd like this keepsake, you can go to AdamCarolla.com you can also follow us and Twitter us at adamcarolla. I guess. And until next time, it's Adam Crow for Teresa Strasser and Bob Bryan saying. Coming up next, we have Adam Kollo.

[Bald Bryan]

Show 331 featuring Sarah Silverman.

[Adam Carolla]

This one's also from 2010.

[Bald Bryan]

Just Adam and Sarah, one on one.

[Adam Carolla]

Right before the format switch. Hope you guys enjoy. Yeah, starting right now, baby.

[Sarah Silverman]

Oh, I didn't realize that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we haven't started yet. Until I say. Yeah, get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate get it on. And welcome to the podcast the lovely Sarah Silverman the Bedwetter. The name of her book, Stories of courage and Redemption and p. It is out on Amazon as we speak. It is at bookstores everywhere. It'[e-mail], one of our sponsors. I have many questions for you, sir.

[Sarah Silverman]

Really? Did you have someone read it to you?

[Adam Carolla]

No, not yet. I'm sorry. I heard it was really good. I read a nice review of it somewhere. Maybe someone read a nice review.

[Sarah Silverman]

Maybe someone read it to me.

[Adam Carolla]

We were talking. Sarah and I were both bedwetters. So we have that kindred sort of spirit running through us as. And now I don't know when bedwetting is supposed to end. Four, three.

[Sarah Silverman]

I don't know either.

[Adam Carolla]

What was your bed wedding experience?

[Sarah Silverman]

I wet the bed until I was about 15 consistently. I had. Well, you know, it's funny because I have two years of where I kept a diary every day. It's really boring, but it's. It's funny because at the top of every page I would write wet or dry because I thought, like, I wanted to kind of keep track and see if there was a pattern and try to. But. So, I mean, I had some. I had dry days, but I mean, it definitely wet the bed probably twice a week on a good week.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I'd kept a diary so I could figure out, you know, when I went to bed and didn't went to bed. But I think I was normal for a while. Like I was young. Like, I think I stopped, I started up again. I think I was on some sort of biological clock where I was fine, you know, I stopped at age 4 or 5 or whenever you stop. And then somehow at 9 or 10, it like kicked back in again. And then I strung together like a few horrible years in there because I used to sleep over at people's houses all the time.

[Sarah Silverman]

I know, it's terrifying.

[Adam Carolla]

It is terrifying when you're spending the night at another kid's house and you're gonna ruin the sofa or the cot or the mattress or whatever you're on. It's really humiliating and it's embarrassing.

[Sarah Silverman]

I tell a story about it in the book where I'm like, I'll sleep first. I'm at a party. I can see you telling this story so well, and I'll just try to tell it quickly. But I was at a birthday party, so excited. I was like six, playing on the jungle gym, you know, all this shit. And then the girl Heather was like, where's your sleeping bag? And like, my world stopped. I was like, this is a fucking sleepover. She stood right next to me while I call my mom. So I can't even be like, you know, tell her I don't want to sleep over. And then just, my mom won't let me. I had to ask. And then there was like no code between my mom and I to like secretly say, don't let me sleep over. I don't want to. So she was like, sure, sweetie. And then I have to. So now I'm in the even worse position where I have to borrow a sleeping bag and borrow. Way too sexy for a six year old.

[Teresa Strasser]

Pajamas.

[Sarah Silverman]

Like she had those, like little harem, like half shirty kind of pajama set.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you had to borrow the pajamas.

[Sarah Silverman]

The pajamas and the sleeping bag now.

[Adam Carolla]

Did.

[Sarah Silverman]

Pinched myself awake all night. And still then when your body gives in and you don't stay up, you really fall asleep hard. And I peed.

[Adam Carolla]

It's sort of like Nightmare on Elm street where like you have to stay at work, stay awake, or Freddie Urine is gonna get you. And I mean, it really is that, like, you're lying and I'm using a little hyperbole here, but you're lying in this person's sleeping bag, and I'm sure it's lined with pretty pictures of deers and things like that, you know, as kids or Smurfs or something like that. And there you are inside that someone else's sleeping bag and you're gonna destroy it. And the thing like with like a mattress or even a sofa pillow, you can kind of blot it up and turn it over. Yeah, turn it over. Unless you've slept over there before, in which case there's gonna be your urine on the other side.

[Sarah Silverman]

I remember one time I slept over. My best friends, they were identical twins, Lori and Amy Martin. They knew I wet the bed. So it's like I slept over and I really, like. They made sure I didn't drink after 6 or whatever. I'm in my sleeping bag, I wake up extra early and I. You told totally wet. And so. But I know. I was so scared. I didn't want them to tell their parents, right? So I flipped it over and then pretended to go back to sleep. And then we woke up and I was like, oh, my God. I wet. But I went up, so it's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so weird, like, the just shame that kids have and. Do all kids have this? I mean, a certain amount of it is healthy. I don't know if kids today are like this. I feel like they would get angry like. Like, if you said, you wet the bed, they'd be like, fuck you, old man. I should sue you, or something, right?

[Sarah Silverman]

I remember, like, seeing Jimmy's kids and. And how free they were. And, like, Kevin, like, I think, shit his pants or something. And in, like, instead of it being horrifying, he was, like, telling his friends and laughing about it, and it was like a joke. And I was like, God, I wish that's what childhood was like. Like, where it's just, like, it's no big deal, you know? Like, you know, he's, like, bragging about it to his friends because it's funny, you know? You know, Kevin just loves being funny. But, like, it wasn't a terrifying shame. I mean, now maybe he'll be mad at me. I don't know. But what are the chances he listens to this?

[Adam Carolla]

No, if he did, he probably shit on his ipod years ago and sorted it out. Like, you can't use that thing anymore. I can't find the dial.

[Sarah Silverman]

But, I mean, just that they're so free and comfortable, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

I know it's weird. Like, I remember, you know, you have these little. I guess it's called a shitty childhood. But you as an adult, you have these little snapshots where you just look back at yourself at that moment and you go, wow, what the fuck? I was the same way with the Wizen on everyone's stuff. Just crazy shame. But here's a weird one. And it sounds like nothing, but it just. All these things that sound like nothing are just little glimpses into where you were at emotionally. I was over at David Vending's house. And David Vending had a dad that was like the scary dad. We all had the friends that had the scary dad. God willing, I'll be the scary dad one day. Hard as scary everything else. But there was the friends of yours that had, like, the scary dad. Like, there was. There was the drunk dad. There was the distracted dad. There was the super cool dad. He's the one who's gonna drive, and you can watch a concert, and he's gonna wait outside in the parking lot and that kind of stuff. And then there was scary dad. And David Vindig's dad was scary dad. I'm sure he wasn't a bad guy, but he just would come home. He had a big mustache and big hairy forearms, and he'd do a lot of, you know, hey, what's going on? Where are you know, who's car, whose bikes out? You know, like, he was that guy. And one day he got a bad. A badminton set. And. And we're just hitting the little shuttlecock over the thing. And I was holding one. It was. By the way, it was one of these things where the net, the birdies or the shuttlecocks, the four rackets. The whole thing was like 9.95. You know, you set it up in your backyard, the little tent poles in the net. And everyone gets this cheap piece of shit little rack. And we're just whacking the stuff back and forth. Well, my racket, it was probably, you know, made in China and cost all of $2. The hand grip, which wasn't leather. I mean, it was like that weird cardboardy leather or something. It came undone at the top and started to sort of unravel down where my hand was. And I was holding this piece of shit racket and this piece that she had set. And I was like, oh, my God, if Mr. Vendick finds that I broke, he's gonna go nuts. Like, I'm gonna get into so much trouble. And I remember, like, trying to wrap it and then holding my hand over the part where it came undone and stuff like that, like, thinking I was gonna get in trouble and he was gonna get mad. And I wasn't doing anything with it other than just swatting the ball back and forth or the shuttlecock or the birdie or whatever it is, back and forth. But I was completely and utterly freaked out that this guy was gonna yell at me and tell me to, like, pay for the. For the thing. And. And I just remember thinking, what the fuck? Like, it just came loose. Like, I Should have said, hey, this thing came loose. We had a piece of tape on or something. I was like completely all up in my head, like, oh, no. And whenever, when I was a kid, if we went to McDonald's, I would never order more than the kid ordered. Like, if the guy's dad said, what do you want? And his kid, I always hung around with a bunch of pussies that didn't like eating. For some reason, I was always starving. And it was like just a small fries and a filet of fish. And then to go, adam, what do you want? And I wanted to say a Big Mac and large fries and a Coke. And I'd be like, small fries, that's good for me too. Like, I wouldn't even out order them by 50 cents. What the fuck is that?

[Sarah Silverman]

Could I talk for a second, please?

[Adam Carolla]

Alright, that's enough.

[Sarah Silverman]

It is true. It's like as awful as our childhoods were. Like, the way things were so, so scary. But don't you feel like it goes from that extreme to the next extreme, which is like, every kid is being raised to be a huge pussy. He thinks they're great at everything, right? But this, you've got to find that, like, middle ground. Like, I think kids grew up from that generation went, I'm not gonna raise my kids that way. I'm gonna be kind, I'm gonna be approachable. I'm gonna, like, give them support. And then like, their kids become like huge pussies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

And then they go, I'm not gonna raise my kids to be a huge pussy. I'm gonna give them rules and, you know, boundaries. And then they're the mean, scary parents. And it goes back and forth, but you just have to find some sort.

[Adam Carolla]

Of middle well, don't you think? I mean, from a societal standpoint, not only are we raising our kids as pussies, but we're sort of raising our society as pussies now. Which is to say there's a whole bunch of stuff where I just go, who gives a shit? Like, I don't care. I'm moving on. Like, it's no big deal and I'm not freaked out by it. And there's a bunch of rules and regulations and, you know, it's like, I always bring it up, but I'll bring it up again. Everyone smoked. Everyone's parents smoked. Everyone's dad smoked in the car in the middle of winter in Minnesota with the windows rolled up and nobody gave a shit. Now secondhand smoke. Now black molds everywhere. Now everyone's Allergic to everything, you know? And as a society, it's not just the kids that are getting this, but as a society, we're completely enforcing that message. Like, where's your Purell? You didn't put your Purell on. You don't touch that. You wash your hands. You don't drink out of the tap water. I mean, I do it. I try not to do it, but my wife does it. Like, no, don't give them tap water. Give them bottled water. All right? And they're just foreign. They're looking at us. But at some point, they're going to have a decision to make, and they're going to be like, tap water. I can't drink tap water. Where's the Purell? I should be drinking Purell. Does Purell come from the tap, or does it come from Evian? Evian just ought to come out with Purell flavored water. We're doing it to them as well, like, and our society just. Overall, we're going insane.

[Sarah Silverman]

They're mutating. Yeah, but those allergies are real. More kids have asthma than ever before. It's still a result of other things, but it also probably is a result from being so. I'm trying to think of another word for pussy. Ish. But, like, you know, my friend Tig always goes, like, when she gets nervous about something being dirty, she's like, homeless people eat out of dumpster, and they're fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not only that, but they're great. If you think, let's say they're better than fine.

[Sarah Silverman]

Guess I might not be the best.

[Adam Carolla]

They're fine. They landed on their feet with all the.

[Sarah Silverman]

They landed on their feet that have made their own shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying this, and I know politically, we probably don't. We don't. We don't agree on this one. But, like, waterboarding, who gives a shit? Nobody's died of it. They did it to three people. Why are we all going fucking nuts? Like, would we have gone nuts about this 50 years ago? I'm just saying, as an example, we're turning into wild pussies.

[Sarah Silverman]

That's weird because, like, I'm against torture and all this stuff, but I love when Jack Bauer does it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, totally root for him.

[Sarah Silverman]

So, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm just saying it's not only we doing it to our kids, but society. I think society is doing it to everyone.

[Sarah Silverman]

Like, they say that people give you what they. You know, that you don't get answers from it. I mean, not from a. Not even from the violent is it too violent thing. But like people are giving you. They're just saying what you want to hear to stop being killed.

[Adam Carolla]

Tortured.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, tortured.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, I assume that's the way it works with all torture. But my answer to that is why is torture been around for so long if it doesn't yield any results?

[Sarah Silverman]

Well, lots of unhealthy things have been around for a long time that are.

[Adam Carolla]

But not terms of like repetitive actions. Like, man usually gives up on stuff that just doesn't work. That's all I'm saying.

[Sarah Silverman]

These don't even have. These are vanity glasses. You wear vanity glasses?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm now forced to use reading glasses.

[Sarah Silverman]

You wear vanity glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

I would get better frames than those if I did. None of this I got at Rite Aid. No, I now have to use reading glasses.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, I know.

[Teresa Strasser]

I do too.

[Sarah Silverman]

What are they, like 150?

[Adam Carolla]

I think they're like one the one and a half. So the twos will do.

[Sarah Silverman]

That's 1.5.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let's keep talking. Well, no, you said 150 and I said I got them at Rite Aid and I didn't want people to think I think you paid a dollar fifty for them. See, that's what I do in the podcast. I clarify. Let's talk about your book then. And really put you to sleep. So bedwetting. Because I'm not done with this. I really feel strongly about this. So you grew up doing this and did your parents have ideas, like psychology wise, like, oh my God, she's expressing herself through her urethra and she has a lot of pent up something. I mean, did they attach a lot of emotional issues to this bedwetting?

[Sarah Silverman]

No, not to the bedwetting. No, I mean I just. My dad was a bedwetter. His dad was a bedwetter.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah, like to see the family crest, a sheet hanging off a balcony.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's like a family crest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you turn into Jeff Ross for a second.

[Sarah Silverman]

I know. What does that even mean?

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta take a wordplay. Quick Silkwood shower. So. So everyone in your family, you've come from a long proud lineage of bedwetters. So they knew it, but it's not.

[Sarah Silverman]

Like he was like, ah, as a bed wetter. She'll grow out of it. My dad was like, put his own pain, which was maybe even worse than mine, the 50s or whatever, onto me and like desperately tried to come up with ways to make me stop wetting the bed when the truth was we just all had really small bladders. Until we got old enough. Like, I wet my bed until I was a teenager. Because I was tiny until I was a teenager. Like, I didn't even start menstruating or whatever until I was almost 18.

[Adam Carolla]

Same here.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah. Yeah, you never expected every month is.

[Adam Carolla]

Still a surprise my junior year, but didn't really start, but. So you knew what you were. I mean, your dad knew what was going on, but you felt like he took a lot of the pain that he had.

[Sarah Silverman]

He put the metal sheet, you know, thing under, and that was just one.

[Adam Carolla]

That shocked you or made a noise.

[Sarah Silverman]

Made a noise. It went like. So sorry. So like, that didn't heal me from wetting the bed, but it cured me from ever sleeping again at his house.

[Adam Carolla]

So he got you that device.

[Sarah Silverman]

Oh, and then another thing is, like, they would walk me in the middle of the night. My parents, they'd kind of like shake me up and walk me to the bathroom. But my dad felt like I was just walking in my sleep and it didn't like. Like his thought was maybe like, I need to be conscious, really. So he would wake me up to walk me and then splash water in my face.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's like adorable looking back on. I mean, it's horrible. But he just. He was just desperately trying to do the best he could, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

But did you make water then? Did you go pee pee?

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When he walked you.

[Sarah Silverman]

You don't have to talk to me like I'm fucking Sonny.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I just feel. No, I speak.

[Sarah Silverman]

Did you make water? Did you make pee pee?

[Adam Carolla]

I had a. Bobcat Goldthwaite was talking to me about peeing in the sink. Yeah, I was talking to some hot looking actress on some project I was working on.

[Sarah Silverman]

Who was it?

[Adam Carolla]

What, you don't know? You don't know who she is? And it was just for commercials, like, nothing. But we were having a talk. Like, she's attractive, we're both married, but we're having that conversation like, you know. And I was like, oh, so how long have you been in here in town? And how's the acting going? And blah, blah, blah, and just sort of in between takes. And then Bobcat walked up and he said, hey, you know what I named my tabby? You know what I named my cat? I call him Adam Carolla. And I said, oh, thanks, Bob. Why's that? Because he pees in the sink. And the chick gave the I'm not cool with that look. And then Bob gave the yeah, you know, like what you do? And I'm like, yeah, okay, Bob. And he's like, yeah, because he always pees in the sink. So that's what we named him after. You. I was like, all right. And then the chick. Then we had to discuss. Then Bob walked away, and then she did the. Do you always pee in the sink? Like, we're on it now. Like, we had to discuss it now. And I'm like, well, not in the kitchen sink, because, you know, the counter's too high. But. And then she's like, what about, like, when you travel, do you pee in other people's sinks? And we had to. Now Bob launched us into this embarrassing urinating into the sink discussion, which I was too short to do when my grandfather used to wake me up and walk me around and get me to pee. Although he put a bucket by the side of my bed.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, that's why you pee in sinks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it probably is. You know what? That's a good. That's a good reason. But when you urinated, then, would you wet that night?

[Sarah Silverman]

Usually when they, like, walked me. I didn't. I didn't wet. I don't know. Maybe I.

[Adam Carolla]

It worked, right?

[Sarah Silverman]

Are you laughing because of the, like, language or something else you're looking at online? Yeah, when they. That's what they call it.

[Adam Carolla]

Walk.

[Sarah Silverman]

When they walked me.

[Adam Carolla]

They walked you?

[Sarah Silverman]

My sister would, like, walk her girls when they were little and, like, to the bathroom in the middle of night, and she would. She took the opportunity to, like, while they were kind of walking in their sleep, to embed positive thoughts, like, you're a strong girl. You can be anything you want. Something like that. So then when I would walk them, sometimes, I'd be like, you're ugly. No one's gonna love you. But I'm just. I was just kidding. I felt like even though they were sleeping, they could sense the lilt of humor in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they definitely got the. They got the ironic tone that was coming through your voice. So you stop somewhere around 15, which is nice. And, I don't know, there's no reason why you stop peeing in your bed. I just think you just grew. You grew. Yeah, but, I mean, there's no. There's nothing that happens on that date. It's just somehow you stopped. And it's like when Forrest Gump was running, and then at some point, he just stopped running, and he said, I'm done running.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's exactly like that. It's like how your mouth just goes and moves and moves and moves. And, like, I daydream, and then I come back, and you're still talking. And then I can even, like, figure out what you've been saying, and I stay right in the conversation. You stop, and then I can, like. I get a chance, but then it's like, there's too much pressure on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I just did that to you, bitch. What'd you say?

[Sarah Silverman]

Touche.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so the book is out. The book is doing great. You did the. You did the audio on the book already, right?

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, I'm afraid to listen to it. First of all, we both know the sound of my voice is grating. And secondly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

You have to speak so clearly that you can't just talk the way you talk. You have to be like. They keep having you do it again so that, you know, you're kind of talking like this, and then I'm like, oh, God, I don't know if I can hear that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, being aware of talking is sort of like being aware of fucking. It immediately makes you worse at it. Like, if you're just fucking, you're fucking. And if you're just talking, you're talking. But when someone says stop and think about it as you're doing it, it kind of screws you up a little. You get a little up in your head.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's like deconstructing comedy. Or, like, if somebody goes like, I love when you smile, that thing you do at the corner of your mouth. And then, like, you can never organically ever smile again because, like, you're just thinking about that thing you do that you weren't aware of before.

[Adam Carolla]

But don't you feel like. I have a book coming out at the end of the year and what's it called?

[Sarah Silverman]

In 50 years we're all gonna Be Chicks?

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's what it's gonna be called. Yes. And they said. I think they said, well, do you want to do the voice for the audio, whatever? And I said, well, I think I have to.

[Sarah Silverman]

How could you not?

[Adam Carolla]

Otherwise, they'd just fuck up all the jokes because they'd be kind of like, hitting the wrong syllables and hitting the wrong. Like, it wouldn't.

[Sarah Silverman]

You have to read.

[Adam Carolla]

It wouldn't work. Yeah. Except for now I hate reading, so I don't know what the hell to do.

[Sarah Silverman]

Have Patrick Stewart do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Sarah Silverman]

I just came up with the best idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Great idea. And we're so close. I mean, he'd for sure do it.

[Sarah Silverman]

It would be funny, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that Captain Picard?

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's awesome. So how long did it take? Were you able to do it in just, like, one session? Or you have to do it over the course of, like, weeks.

[Sarah Silverman]

No, it was less painful than I thought it would be, but it's really hard. It's weird. It took. I did it in five sessions of four hours. So 20 hours.

[Adam Carolla]

And now. And what form do they sell that in now? Because they don't really do it on cassettes. Or do they still do it on cassettes? It's all CDs. And then just on the Internet, right, like audible.com, our sponsor, you just go there and download. Download the whole book. And when does it. And. And do they want to do another book and then, like, when's it come out in paperback and all that?

[Sarah Silverman]

Wait, did you just ask a question?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't. I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

I don't know. I can't imagine writing another book. It really was like, I'm still kind of on the high of finishing it, you know, because it took so long, and it's not like what I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Sarah Silverman]

Well, you know, like, it took me so long just to figure out how. Just to figure out that what I wrote so far was shitty, you know, and rethink it, you know, Was it.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it cathartic? Did it bring you back? Did it unearth memories?

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, well, yeah, definitely. Or just like, talking about it makes you make connections, you know, because it was all personal stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

But what do you do with your family, though? Like. Like, you got to say some shitty things about them, right?

[Sarah Silverman]

No, I was nice. I was nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Sarah Silverman]

Well, I. It was because I was very honest, but, like, life is too short to, like, upset your sweet parents because when you were little, they did. You know what I mean? I mean, I say that they sent me to sleepaway camp as a bedwetter, which was, you know, totally humiliating. But they did it because. But I know why they did it. And I just said that side too, which is, you know, for them, camp was like. Was. Was safety. Like, they both went to, like, private schools where they were the only Jew and kind of like, were not, you know, and then they went to these Jewish camps where they were like, well, that doesn't sound good.

[Adam Carolla]

But yeah, I know.

[Sarah Silverman]

You know, and where they were, like, free and became themselves and. But, like, I didn't need that. I was fine at school. Camp was tortured because it was humiliating.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, because of the bedwet.

[Sarah Silverman]

The kid making her bed over. The. Making up her cot with hospital corners over, like, soaking wet piss mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God. I know. What do you think it's the whole book.

[Sarah Silverman]

Isn't that. By the way, that's just one chapter.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of named after the ones in there too. No, I just. I didn't read it. I just. Just. I just assumed.

[Sarah Silverman]

I know you didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I got it. I'm ready.

[Sarah Silverman]

Can I just say something?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

You asked me to come here, right? Like this isn't a favor you're doing for me necessarily.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it could be one of these symbiotic sort of things. Like, you know, it's like.

[Sarah Silverman]

Cuz I. Like, I go, all right, I'll come out to Glendale. Then I get here. Adam doesn't say hi to me. He doesn't acknowledge me. I wait for 10 hours. I come in here and it's like, you know. Well, I'm not saying kiss my ass, but you know how. But just like a. Hey, I'll be there in a second.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you were in the back when I came out.

[Sarah Silverman]

I worked out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did?

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanted to clear everyone out of here, and then I. I should learn how to do that. I'm not good at that now. My thing is always like, I. I always just do things sort of incrementally. Like, let's clear out everyone who's in here doesn't need to be here. And then I'll say hi to Sarah, but. But I should say hi to Sarah and then clear everyone out and then say hi.

[Teresa Strasser]

Grab a one of these.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey. Yeah, I know. I should. I should have done that so easy. There was too many. Was a beehive of activity.

[Sarah Silverman]

I know it's hard.

[Adam Carolla]

So you want to keep going on the book? Because I got more questions.

[Sarah Silverman]

You do? You didn't read it?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't need to read a book to have questions about it.

[Sarah Silverman]

What did I want to talk to you about? Oh, can I say that you had the Bachelor in here?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

Is that gonna be like, posted in different orders or whatever?

[Adam Carolla]

No, we had the Bachelor in here.

[Sarah Silverman]

I'm so excited.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, did you watch the Bachelor showing a clip of the Loneliest Runner?

[Sarah Silverman]

The Loneliest Runner? I always thought it was called the fastest runner.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the Landon thing. It was a Michael Landon story. He used to wet his bed, and his mom would humiliate him by hanging a sheet out on the window. Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

Why would she do that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Sarah Silverman]

What'S wrong with people. That's just like the Bachelor and the. I mean, I love the Bachelor. I watch the Bachelor, but it's crazy. It's like 25 women in love with one guy. Like, I wouldn't want Natalia to watch that and think that that's the way people are supposed to behave.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

We went on the group date, and he took us to a castle.

[Adam Carolla]

Is.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's fucking embarrassing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so weird where, like, he has his romantic dates and. And they're all. And the thing that's great is that that mob mentality, like, when they all.

[Sarah Silverman]

Got mad at that one girl who made out with, like, a producer or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

You guys are all dating one person.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, they are. It's so weird.

[Sarah Silverman]

She's a slut. You're vying to be. To have love with a guy who's dating 25 people. It's like a weird Amish Y thing or something.

[Adam Carolla]

It is bizarre that there's not more sort of outrage about that show, given our culture, because we're not into polygamy.

[Sarah Silverman]

But I mean, even that. Okay, whatever. That is what it is. But then, like, the Real Housewives of New York or those shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

I get, like, nervous for, like, the daughters. I don't even have to be watching tv. It's not. It's not even, like, pay for tv. It's not rated R or anything. It's just a bunch of fucking women who. All they care about is money, things, stabbing each other in the back and being cunts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Sarah Silverman]

Like, there should be some sort of, like, banner before it that says, like, this isn't acceptable behavior.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, look, you turn on the guy stuff and they go into the octagon and they're beating the fuck out of each other.

[Sarah Silverman]

That is so much better.

[Adam Carolla]

Less damaging psychologically.

[Sarah Silverman]

Have my daughter watch that, then watch these grown women behaving the way they do.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, from a guy who spent all of Sunday morning watching the True Housewives of New York and then of the New Jersey.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the Real Housewives. It's addicting. You can't get enough of it.

[Sarah Silverman]

I can't stop watching it, but it's disgusting.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's like some sort of fucking junk food that you know is bad for you, but you just can't stop. You go into the shame spiral once you pop open the box of girl Scout cookies and you go, I'm just gonna have three. And then you have three. And then you go, just one more. And then you have just one more. And then at a certain point, you go, fuck it. I'm going in a shame spiral's club was for me. I'm eat the entire thing. Yeah. And that's what I do. Like, I sat there. Although each hour. Episode takes four hours to get through because I have to pause it with the TiVo and then break down the game film with my wife, who's going to emotionally break down while I'm explaining why this chick did that to that chick. It's insane. I was. I was thinking about, you know, how.

[Sarah Silverman]

They have, like, black on black crime, Right? Women are the worst offenders of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

Women on black crime.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

No, women on women.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because of the press on nails.

[Sarah Silverman]

But it's just. It's fucking. It's. Women don't help other women. They don't. It's really weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, women are sort of competitive. They're more competitive with women. Meaning. I mean, we're talking. I was talking earlier today about, like, what is an attractive woman? And how it works from just a biological standpoint where you see somebody and you go, they have healthy skin, and they look. They're firm and they look like. They look like they'd be good for breeding.

[Sarah Silverman]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like. Like, from just a pure biological species standpoint, that's what you're doing. You're going, that. That person look sickly. I don't want to have sex. She could blow me. But I don't want to have sex with her because I don't want to breed with that woman. And so women and I used to talk to Drew about this all the time. They're sort of bred to compete with each other for our seed, essentially. And it doesn't really matter whether there's a guy involved or not. They're sort of bred to go after each other. Whereas men are very competitive, but we invent sports and other things like that, and we compete in those arenas, and then we're done competing. It's a weird thing. Whereas women can never shut off the competition.

[Sarah Silverman]

But as much as sports is competition, it's also teamwork.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's also, as you see, when the guys are done trying to kill each other in the octagon, they're hugging.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're like, no hard feelings. And they.

[Sarah Silverman]

Too much hockey, and they're, like, beating the shit out of each other. And you think, oh, my God, when they do this, shaking hands, they're gonna get in a fight. And they don't. They're like, it's all left on the court.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Or the ice or in the octagon. Well, either way, I know what you're talking about. So we're bred to be competitive, but then flip the switch off when the game's over and women are ultra competitive all the time, and they. They're almost bred to, like, sort of snipe and assassinate each other's characters, and they just sit there, and that's all they do. It's a heightened reality, though. I'm sure the producers goose them, because.

[Sarah Silverman]

Every single time, there's still people who are, you know, who live of free will. I mean, if they're. If this is worth it to them to be. You know, it's so. But I was wondering, like, why do we watch it? But I think there's also a fucking part in us that's like. We watch it because it makes us. As much as it's a shame spiral, makes us feel good about being better people than these people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Oh, there's. Everything is based on that. I mean, so much of programming is based on either sort of envy or disgust. Like, we have to be in two modes. Like, we have to go, they're rich.

[Sarah Silverman]

And that's also like.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but it's one or the other.

[Sarah Silverman]

Kids to worship money, you know, I mean, that's the wor. The worst. The biggest poison in American culture is that. Is that money is the ultimate goal when it shouldn't be.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I know what you got for your book advance, and I know what I got for my book advance, and I'm gonna just take that.

[Sarah Silverman]

Well, it's the most money I've ever made in my life. But I promise you, you're richer than me, and I think you know that.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, I have.

[Sarah Silverman]

I still live in a tiny apartment.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. The point is this, I think I was thinking about.

[Sarah Silverman]

We're doing this podcast from your car garage of all your cars, right? I'm going home to my apartment in West Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. When she opens, money pouring. Pouring down the stairs. No. So listen, don't get defensive. Just.

[Sarah Silverman]

I'm not getting defensive. I'm just saying. I'm just putting a little perspective for the listener.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Sarah Silverman]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Here. A lot of money. Here's the point.

[Sarah Silverman]

What's the point, Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

I agree, and I think it's fucking us up. I think that. What? I think we have this impulse to see people and go, oh, man, that's so pathetic. And, oh, man, I would never do that. And we have. We have two modes. We're in. We either look at, you know, you turn on Entertainment Tonight. It's like George Clooney has bought himself a manor in Italy. It's a beautiful, palatial estate right on the river. And you go, oh, man. Oh, man, I bet he parties there. Oh, man, that guy. Oh, what a life. What a life. So you have that part where you're envious of that, and then you flick the channel over and it's like, yes, the poor infant was burned with cigarette butts until his mother discarded him in a dumpster. And you go, ooh, man, that's not me. That could have been me. Wow, glad I'm not that. So we have. We're in this constant mode. Like, all TV is. Is really. Don't you want to be this? Aren't you glad you're not that?

[Sarah Silverman]

True. That's so cool.

[Adam Carolla]

There's not really anything in the middle, like, hey, here we are.

[Sarah Silverman]

Reality. You know, part of me is like, why don't they make reality shows about it, inspiring people who will, you know? But it's like, well, sadly, nobody wants that. But then they've got extreme makeover. But that's just because people love before and after more than anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so now I was thinking to myself last night, all of this, like, where you're watching people bickering and you're seeing, like, Snooki getting punched out in a New Jersey bar, whatever it is. And of course, all the news, like, everything's just turn on the news, it's like, well, the Gulf of Mexico, they can't stop. The seeping of the oil. They're never going to stop. And then you change the channel, and somebody's like, going, Arizona. And this new law they passed, this is no different than Nazi Germany. And it's like, you change the channel, someone's talking about global warming, and you change the channel and some kids getting thrown in a dumpster. And, like, I'm wondering if it's just bumming us out. Like, I wonder if there's just a mild depression that is just hovering in the air, knowing what we know. Like, knowing what you know. You know, right now, somewhere in your brain, what's going on in Darfur and what's going on a mile underneath the ocean in the Gulf of Mexico.

[Sarah Silverman]

I mean, I think what's in the news, but at the same time, I think the media as well as, like, evil politicians, like in the Bush administration, equally are guilty of realizing that fear was an awesome way to control people.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Sarah Silverman]

And so from Amber Alert to local. The, you know, terror of lows of local news.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's.

[Sarah Silverman]

We've just. We're just. We're just told to be scared all the time. And it's not been fruitful for the Bush administration, has been fruitful for the Supposed liberal Jew media, which I'm still looking for.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you are. The point is they should. It's fruitful for ratings. It's just fruitful. Like it's how people work.

[Sarah Silverman]

Well, the only thing that gets ratings now is sports and things that are live and that you vote for like American Idol and news and tragedy and you know, late breaking news. Like that's the only thing that gets numbers. Everything else. There is no appointment television for anything else. People watch TV on their computers and they watch it on Hulu and they watch it on dvr. And I'm not saying like, but I do think that once the way you measure ratings catches up to the way people watch tv, it's going to be like DNA testing. You're going to look back and look at all the fuck ups and you made in programming, you know, networks, believe.

[Adam Carolla]

You me, I know it, sister. And speaking of your show. So your show's been canceled.

[Sarah Silverman]

I did maybe bring it to that secretly in my head.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you feel about that?

[Sarah Silverman]

I'm fine about it. I mean, we're all ready to move on. It's been like so slow. Like they just, it's just like being like an ant in a jar of honey. Like it's great creatively, but it just moves so slow. Slow. It's like to make 32 episodes in five years is so dumb.

[Adam Carolla]

But don't. Do you also feel, I mean, I always feel like the greatest part about our job is getting to do something new all the time.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah. Where I think we're all like, I'm excited to do something that isn't so broad, you know, like. But we had a good time and I liked it doing it, you know, when we got to do it. But it was just that the network was just like did nothing to take advantage of any opportunities. Like in trying to get any kind of momentum for the show. Like even like I got nominated for an Emmy, which everyone was shocked about. Like you'd think that when they would run ads they'd say Emmy nominated, the Sarah Silverman program. I mean, why wouldn't you do that at every time you could, you know what I mean? Like they never did once. And it's not like I'm saying I want to brag. They got an emotional. It's not that, but it's just, it brings eyes to the show. I remember I never watched Will and Grace and I saw like an ad, you know, when Will and Grace was on, that was like Emmy nominated show, Will and Grace. And I was like, oh, check that out. It's like, why wouldn't you do that? And then it's like, we haven't. We didn't. We weren't on for over a year. So even that Emmy didn't get to, like, tumble into more things because we weren't even. We weren't even able to be nominated for, like, a Golden Globe or any of those things because we weren't on in 2009. So it was like, we just never got any chance to have any kind of momentum in terms of, like, getting eyes to the show. But I'm still, like, fine. I think we're all kind of psyched to do the next thing.

[Adam Carolla]

TV promotion departments are horrifically bad. They're always horrible, and they're to the point where they're sort of, like, confusing. Like, it confuses me how they operate. They're sort of autonomous. They just sort of. They're just sort of like out on an island. They don't talk to anybody. And then you usually see your first billboard or poster or commercial or promo or whatever. You just see it because somebody calls you and goes, hey, did you see that lame billboard? And you go, what that? And then you pass under something, you go, wow, that's retarded. And you're like, why didn't anyone talk to me about that? And like, Jimmy Kimmel, you know Jimmy, right?

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a whole campaign called, like, do you Jimmy and did you Jimmy or something. It was like, on T. I still have the T shirt and stuff. Like, that's probably about four or five years old now. Jimmy didn't like it.

[Sarah Silverman]

He was so glad they're advertising his show, but it's, like, so corny. And then they put it all over the wall on CBS in New York of Letterman. He almost had a fucking heart attack.

[Adam Carolla]

But the whole point. Here's what I. I can never understand about any of this stuff. And it used to happen to us at Comedy Central. It's happened to anyone who's had a TV show where you go, look, we're really super creative, funny people who have got this show on the air. You are lower level. I mean, you should be working, writing copy for a regional advertising firm and not nothing in the top 50 markets. Like, these people are marginally talented. I mean, the guys are coming up with the clever sayings. And do you, Jimmy, how the fuck that gets passed by everyone and everyone gives a thumbs up is insane to me. But here's the thing.

[Sarah Silverman]

So queer.

[Adam Carolla]

All you have to do, say to Jimmy or Sarah or Adam or whoever, the talent may be, hey, we'd like to promote your show. And you'd go, awesome. And then they'd go, we wanted to tell you because we want to hear your ideas about the best slogan and the funniest way to do that since you are in fact the talent and you're not a gun for hire. You're the most creative person in this room. I mean, let's face it, that's the reason it's called the Sarah Silverman show. So. But why do the whole route where we come up with a really lame idea, we run it up everyone's flag pole except for yours. There's a whole bunch of people in that side of the building that had to check off on do you Jimmy and all that kind of stuff. Everyone but Jimmy. And then we get a shitload of T shirts printed up and a shitload of billboard space.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's almost like they're like, well, we know you're so busy, we don't want to bother you, but we'll bother you about every tiny little other thing that you can do for us.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, everything else I don't know.

[Sarah Silverman]

About, like doing a shout out to a market in Gainesville, but we don't want to bother you about the entire campaign of your giant show, which is. I'm not talking about me, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, talking about Jimmy. But I just remember we all, we. Anyone who knows Jimmy then laughs because you picture Jimmy's like the worst guy in the world to do this dude, you have to fucking tell him and give him a shot to weigh in creatively. And then Jimmy could have just like put it to his writers for an afternoon or done whatever, but they never fucking do that. And this goes on times a thousand all over this town. Why? Why is that? I don't understand that part. Like, why wouldn't they put Emmy nominated Sarah Silverman? And isn't that, isn't that to do.

[Sarah Silverman]

With me wanting people to know? It's just like how as a marketing team do you not exploit those things? Like, it's so thoughtless, but at the same time I really don't care. I feel like we've covered all the bases on this topic. Should we take a call?

[Adam Carolla]

Alright, we can take a call. Put your headphones on.

[Sarah Silverman]

Where?

[Adam Carolla]

Behind you somewhere. See, if we were better, we'd dig these things out in advance.

[Sarah Silverman]

What a fun orange coat.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, who do you want to talk about? Or what line do you want to take?

[Sarah Silverman]

Thank Adam for having Sarah on today. Any of those are fine. We don't need the comments on immigration, do we?

[Adam Carolla]

We'll start at the top and we'll work down to the bottom. Hey Justin. Hello. Hey, what's going on? Hey Adam. I'm such a huge fan and Sarah, love you to death. Thanks. I just. Well, at first I just say this. I read the book the Bedwetter. Loved it. It was a great read. And let me tell you, anyone who can use the word cunt like you can instantly one of my favorite people ever.

[Sarah Silverman]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

And I just had a question about that. I mean I was reading it. There's this time you're depressed, you're, you know, seeking therapy. But it doesn't really come until afterwards. You know, you fix yourself, the cloud lifts or whatever. I thought, you know, you, Adam and your probably throw one on this too. Do you guys find therapy as useless as I do?

[Sarah Silverman]

I don't. I have before found it useless. But this is the thing. 89% of therapists are terrible at their job. And you know, maybe you could get something out of it. Definitely. You have to be willing to find that great person that you're going to connect to with that knows more than you. And personally I have. I found an awesome guy. He's awesome and he's helped me so much. You know, just like I think it's good to be like searching and figuring stuff out. I mean, if you listen to Adam, that's almost a good start because his dad is a shrink and his dad fucked him up. So he's got twofold. He's got like being. I mean, first of all, he's like.

[Adam Carolla]

An extreme gang banger who's become a preacher now or something like that. Yeah, he's like.

[Sarah Silverman]

But then he's got this mind that he's broken down all these things and like you really can listen to Adam and go like, whoa, it's true. It's almost like listening to what's his face, the Indian guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Deepak Chopra.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, look at that.

[Adam Carolla]

I read his book. That was awesome. I read all his books.

[Sarah Silverman]

You just have to be willing to find the right person. But I think that you can get a lot out of it if you're. It sounds corny to be like if you're open, but it's corny because it's from something real.

[Adam Carolla]

How about I have another take on this, okay, because. Because I think the problem with good therapists is I don't know if people know it, if they find a good therapist or don't know it, if they don't find a good Therapist. Maybe you should switch around every six months because you. Sometimes people get with one and they don't really know. They don't have anything to compare it to.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah. Don't just assume that just because these people went to the proper schooling that they are the right person for you. But, like.

[Adam Carolla]

But what does your therapist do? And then I'll give you my theory. What does your therapist do that lets you know? He's a good therapist.

[Sarah Silverman]

I love him because he loves what he does. He's like an older guy but, like, keeps up with all the latest theories and everything. And he's interested in people and relationships and the way the human, you know, the human brain works and, like, his. He's so it's totally what he's into.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's like, you know that you're the guy to talk to at cars because you fucking love everything about cars.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's a really good point that people don't.

[Sarah Silverman]

He's way into it. I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's an awesome point that people really, really touch on. And my next book is going to be. I had no idea adults would be this fucking bad at their jobs. Like, I can't believe how horrifically bad everyone is.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's a big deal if someone's good at their job or does their job.

[Adam Carolla]

But as a kid, I just thought adults would magically be good. I didn't realize they're horrific. Most people are horrific. And it's true. Whether you're picking out a carpenter or picking out a therapist. Find someone that's just into what they're doing, because it's like having a waitress, a hot young waitress who doesn't want to be a waitress. It's like, your service is never going to be good. Find one of those old broads from Kantor's. She'll do you upright, and you can talk to her about your problems. So is there a piece of information, though, that he gave you? Is there anything where you sort of went, wow, this guy really has wisdom?

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, well, there are so many things, but here's a simple one that I think everyone can apply, like, can kind of get something from. Don't tell yourself horror stories. Don't tell yourself scary stories. And that. We spend so much time going, what if I don't get another job? What if I don't find someone? What if I don't fall in love again? What if I don't write another joke? What if this? What if that? It doesn't matter. The future's gonna happen whether you predict it. Or not. So to put yourself in some fucking tizzy, you know, for no reason, makes no sense. Just chill out and the future will unfold and it will happen, good or bad or whatever, and you'll deal with it then.

[Teresa Strasser]

But to just.

[Sarah Silverman]

We spend so much time telling ourselves horror stories. What if this, what if that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Sarah Silverman]

It doesn't. It's worth nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. I agree. And I do think that leads to depression. And it's also what we were touching on earlier. Like, when you're just being bombarded with what's going on and what's going on in the environment, what's going on in Darfur, and what's going on in your stomach and what's going on on the ocean floor, eventually it takes its toll.

[Sarah Silverman]

And by the way, it's all the same. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It's always the same. And then it goes away. Like I said, it's like secondhand smoke, black mold. It's all stuff that's out there. And then all of a sudden people stop talking about it, but there's something else to replace it.

[Sarah Silverman]

The stuff wrong with the earth, the stuff wrong with our country, the stuff wrong in society, the stuff wrong in our bodies, the stuff wrong in our relationships. In a way, they're all macrocosms and microcosms of the same things. You know what I mean? And until you, like look at your shit, I know this is getting serious and this is so, you know, whatever. People say that same stuff, but it is true. Like I'm paraphrasing something that Jesus or is attributed to Jesus, but like, if you don't deal with your shit, it's gonna come out in fucked up ways.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think that's paraphrasing. I think that's exactly the way it's carved in the stone.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's totally true. And you look at your own life like, you know when people go like, oh, I've had eight crazy roommates in a row. You go, you're the crazy one. You gotta realize that you're the common denomination.

[Adam Carolla]

You've got a bad.

[Sarah Silverman]

I always date crazy women. Well, why? Because your relationship with your mother was something you couldn't control. And so you get the same kind of dynamic. You search for that same kind of dynamic. And then when you can't control it, get in control of it again, you're shocked, you know, and you think it's her. You gotta look at that stuff. And it takes practice to like, make other decisions that aren't just comfortable. Like We. We go towards what's comfortable more than what we really want. And people don't really get what they want in life. They get what they think they deserve. So you have to, like, give yourself the same love and respect that you give to any, like, loser on the street.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, don't you also think.

[Sarah Silverman]

Not loser.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, also, like, it's like internalizing versus externalizing. Like, I notice everyone externalizes. And like, you say to them, like, I've had many arguments with people that just went this way, where you go, hey, man, you're late again. And they go, you know what? I'm never late. And you go, well, you're late at least this time, because I've had actual discussions with people where they explain to me they never did the thing that we're arguing about that they just did. You know what I'm saying? And they're like, I don't do that. I don't this. I don't that. I go, why are we arguing about it? How come I brought it up a whole shitload of times? And how come you're late right now? If. And you're never late? And then they do. Then they revise their argument where they go, well, I'm late this time, but then I'm never late after that. And it makes you, like, delusional. Like, why would I accuse you of doing this if you didn't do it? But how about this? How about you go, you know what? Sorry. And I'm going to work hard not to be late again.

[Sarah Silverman]

There are some people that are so.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, Sarah's got to go soon.

[Sarah Silverman]

There are some people that are so terrified of being wrong. And these are all sorts of people in all walks of life with all varying degrees of success or no success, or whatever that success means. But it's like, who are so afraid to go, oh, I fucked up, or, you know what I was wrong about that they're so afraid that they are willing to be fucking crazy to, you know, not admitting that they're wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

It's insane.

[Sarah Silverman]

It's. Once you realize that it really doesn't hurt to be wrong, that it can actually be so freeing that when you're wrong, it's so awesome to be like, oh, I'm glad it was me, and I have the power to apologize and make it right. Like, it's almost like a relief when you're wrong. Like, just let yourself be wrong. It's not that big a fucking deal. But there are people with chips on their shoulders who constantly feel like you're Disrespecting them or whatever. That shit has nothing to do with the people around them. It's all, all them. No one's disrespecting you. That's all in your head. Or it's a self fulfilled prophecy, but you have to like figure out where that comes from, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'd say it's pervasive in this town.

[Sarah Silverman]

What does pervasive mean?

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot of it.

[Sarah Silverman]

Oh yeah, in this town everyone has it. Everyone's insecure, everyone's got their shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, it's, it's everywhere.

[Sarah Silverman]

I know that this town's fucked up.

[Adam Carolla]

And that like people like enough people juice. And it's insane to me where people fuck up royally and they don't even, they pretend like it never even happened, which is crazy. I did a pilot a few pilots ago and the. I won't mention any names, but the head honcho guy was like, I'm gonna bring this kid in the kid we like to play my son. To let the network see that kid and then going to bring another kid in the kid we don't like to let him see that kid too. And our friend Kevin Hench and my partner Kevin Hench, his hand just flew up and he said, why are we bringing the kid? We don't like to network. And he said, because you got to bring him more than one kid. And then Hanch's hand flew up again and he said, what if the network picks the kid we don't like? Then we're screwed. And he said, don't worry about it. I know what I'm doing. I've been doing this for 30 years. And hence said, but why should we even give them the opportunity to pick the kid that we don't like? Because then we could get stuck with the bad kid and we all want this other kid we're taping in a day and a half. Just show him the kid we like and let's not even give him a chance to pick the shitty kid. He said, don't worry about it, I know what I'm doing. And then went to the network and then he came back and he said, they went with the other kid, so good luck. I was like, all right, well, they did exactly what Kevin said was going to happen, which I understand you gave them the opportunity and they make horrible decisions, but where's the part where you go, fuck, man, you were right. I'm sorry, I fucked up. I'm buying you a beer at the wrap party. Or just a part where you just acknowledge it so you seem like a human being, literally, with a straight face. And this happens to me all the time in Hollywood, where people just, like, walk back in the room and they go, well, here's what happened. And it's exactly what the fuck we said was going to happen. And there's not an ounce of. It's weird and uncomfortable because there's not even an ounce. Like, you're waiting for them to go. It's like. It's like you being in an elevator and some guy rips a fart and you go, wow, good one. He goes, what are you talking about? You're like, what do you mean? What. I know what you did. There's only two of us here. Like, of all people. Like, go home and lie to your fucking wife. But not to the guy who just looked in the eye 20 minutes earlier and said, don't do it. Like, this is what's going to happen. And by the way, here's how smart the network is. Then we get the kid that we didn't want, and then we do the pilot. And when we're done with the pilot, they come up with a straight face and go, we got to get rid of the kid. It's like. And the guy who gave him the opportunity to get rid of the kid looks at you with a straight face and goes, network wants to get rid of the kid. And, like, you just want to go, yes. We told you we didn't want that kid. And we told you not to bring. The network. Doesn't go, hey, I'm sorry, man. We picked the wrong kid. The guy who brings the kid in when Hinge said, don't bring the kid in doesn't go, hey, I'm sorry again. And it just goes right by. Just flows. Flows down the river. Isn't that insane? It is insane. All right. Oh, very quickly, before you leave, my theory. I gotta say something real fast before Sarah Silverman leaves, even though technically she didn't need to be here for this. Here's my therapy theory, okay? Even if you have a mediocre therapist, just the fact that you're going is a good thing.

[Sarah Silverman]

It is. You know what? You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the fact that you're consciously saying in your head, I want to go, and therapists shouldn't be free because they should cost you money. Like, you should go, I'm paying $125 for $50.

[Sarah Silverman]

This is an appointment.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't miss it to better myself. Not even the part where I don't want to miss it because I don't want to be out the 125 bucks where you just go consciously. I am burning calories and making an effort to be more self actualized and be a better human being on a weekly basis.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah, I mean, what's the only good can come of it? You're totally right and right. Just talking. Just talking out loud.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's it. Even if. Even if you're just talking to a refrigerator box with a pipe hanging out of its mouth.

[Sarah Silverman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks.

[Sarah Silverman]

Oh, he's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sarah Silverman]

All right, I have to go.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Sarah, I feel like we barely scratch your lottery ticket.

[Sarah Silverman]

We have something to talk about. I do like when you talk and I love listening to you and I like getting to talk about stuff with you.

[Adam Carolla]

The name of the book is the Bedwetter. It is out as we speak at Amazon. You can go to audiblebooks.com and get it. You can hear her own voice. You can also go to, well, go anyplace, bookstores. I was gonna say finer books, but even shitty books are sold. You can buy. Yeah, absolutely. Sarah Silverman, thank you very much. Till next time. This Adam Carolla for Sarah Silverman saying mahalo. Follow Adam Carolla on Twitter at adamcarola. Reach him via phone at 877-564. Adam. That's 2326. Or through the mail at Adam Carolla Podcast, 10061 Riverside Drive, number 276, Toluca Lake, California, 91602.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, that's it for this weekend's cruel classics. Until next weekend, mollop and get it on Sam.