The Lotzi Tapes (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show - Episode Summary: "The Lotzi Tapes (Carolla Classics)"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Adam Carolla Show
• Host/Author: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
• Description: The #1 Daily Downloaded Podcast in the World, featuring Adam Carolla's unfiltered rants on a myriad of topics, in-depth interviews with diverse guests, and comedic sound effects by Bryan Bishop (Bald Bryan).
• Episode: The Lotzi Tapes (Carolla Classics)
• Release Date: November 16, 2024

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Introduction to The Lotzi Tapes

[00:15] Giovanni:
Welcome to Carolla Classics, a nostalgic journey through the best moments of the Adam Carolla Show spanning 15 years. Today's episode centers around "The Lotzi Tape," an invaluable recording of Adam's late grandfather, Laszlo Gorog, sharing his immigrant story from Nazi-occupied Hungary to America. This tape, preserved thanks to a dedicated fan, offers a firsthand glimpse into Laszlo's life, ambitions, and the challenges he faced.

Unveiling Laszlo Gorog’s Story

[02:03] Adam Carolla:
Adam begins by recounting how a fan handed him a disc containing an interview with his grandfather, Laszlo Gorog, recorded in 1989. This pivotal moment sparks Adam's desire to share his grandfather's experiences with the podcast's audience.

Highlights from Laszlo's Interviews

Over the course of the episode, snippets from Laszlo's interviews are played, each accompanied by insightful and often humorous commentary from Adam and his guests.

[13:42] Laszlo Gorog:
Laszlo delves into his early life in Hungary, touching upon his family's coffee house, the impact of World War I, and the rise of anti-Jewish laws that hindered his educational and professional aspirations.

Notable Quote:
Laszlo Gorog: "My father remarried two years later. In 1918, my second mother died of the flu. This was such an unhappy time." [06:09]

Discussions on Antisemitism and Immigrant Struggles

The conversation shifts to broader themes of antisemitism, the immigrant experience, and the resilience required to overcome systemic barriers.

[13:11] Allison Rosen:
Reflects on the chilling reality of antisemitism in Hungary and its devastating effects on Laszlo's family.

[15:14] Adam Carolla:
Expresses frustration over the persistent nature of antisemitism and its portrayal in media and society.

Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: "They want us to die. I'm fine with that. They're anti-Semites. They have a horrible, horrible ideology." [15:26]

Personal Reflections and Humorous Anecdotes

Amidst the serious narratives, Adam interjects with humorous anecdotes about family dynamics, relationships, and everyday mishaps.

[05:24] Brian Bishop:
Shares a lighthearted moment about competing in a pie-eating contest, highlighting the show's comedic flair.

Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: "Oh, he was chewing and popping. And then he was talking about how some boy named Lance was dreamy...Gross, right?" [05:24]

Laszlo’s Journey to America

Laszlo recounts his perilous journey from Hungary to the United States during the onset of World War II, detailing the bureaucratic hurdles and the solidarity among Jews striving for safety.

[16:28] Allison Rosen:
Inquires about the authenticity and source of the tapes, emphasizing the historical significance of Laszlo's story.

Notable Quote:
Laszlo Gorog: "I decided to visit, to go as a visitor. Somehow while I was there, I would be out in the west anyway, so Hitler cannot reach me." [16:28]

Concluding Reflections and Moving Forward

As the episode progresses towards its conclusion, Adam and his guests reflect on the enduring legacy of Laszlo Gorog's story and its impact on their lives and perspectives.

[257:03] Adam Carolla:
Emphasizes the importance of preserving such personal histories to understand the broader socio-political landscapes.

Notable Quote:
Adam Carolla: "This country used to be great. It was a million plus of those stories. Not a bunch of self-entitled pricks." [257:03]

Final Thoughts and Tribute

Adam pays tribute to Laszlo Gorog, acknowledging the hardships he faced and celebrating his resilience and contributions.

[259:03] Adam Carolla:
"Rest in peace, Laszlo Gorog. Your story is a testament to the strength and perseverance of immigrants who shaped our country."

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Key Insights and Takeaways

1. Resilience in Adversity: Laszlo Gorog's journey underscores the immense challenges immigrants face and the resilience required to forge a new life amidst adversity.
2. Impact of Antisemitism: The episode highlights the destructive impact of antisemitism, both historically and in contemporary contexts.
3. Preservation of Personal Histories: Sharing personal narratives like Laszlo's ensures that the struggles and triumphs of past generations inform and educate future ones.
4. Humor as Coping Mechanism: Adam and his guests employ humor to navigate and discuss heavy topics, making the narrative more relatable and engaging.

Conclusion

"The Lotzi Tapes (Carolla Classics)" serves as a poignant exploration of Laszlo Gorog's life, intertwined with Adam Carolla's characteristic humor and candid discussions. Through this episode, listeners gain a deeper appreciation of the immigrant experience, the persistent challenges of antisemitism, and the enduring spirit that propels individuals to overcome monumental obstacles. This heartfelt tribute not only honors Laszlo's legacy but also inspires listeners to reflect on their own histories and the broader societal issues that continue to shape our world.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Laszlo Gorog: "This was a very interesting piece that was put together...I wanted to play clips of it." [00:15]
• Adam Carolla: "I had to do some math myself. I was like, 1989. How old was I?" [03:55]
• Adam Carolla: "People are cool. People ask me all the time...no people are cool." [02:03]
• Allison Rosen: "Because he sounded immature." [03:55]
• Adam Carolla: "They want us to die. I'm fine with that. They're anti-Semites." [15:26]
• Laszlo Gorog: "I decided to visit, to go as a visitor...Hitler cannot reach me." [16:28]
• Adam Carolla: "Rest in peace, Laszlo Gorog. Your story is a testament to the strength and perseverance of immigrants." [259:03]

This episode intricately weaves Laszlo Gorog's personal history with broader themes, creating a rich, engaging narrative that resonates with listeners both emotionally and intellectually.

Transcript

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Korola Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is a podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Carolla show. We have a separate podcast feed titled Cruella Classics that is exclusively available through Adam Crolla's substack. Make sure to sign up. You'll also get access to Beat it out, the new show with Jay Moore. So now there are three Corolla classics airing every week. We also have a YouTube channel, YouTube.com, make sure to subscribe like some clips and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us. Classics. Now, let's get to today's clips. All right, the idea for this episode is based around the Lotzi tape, singular. It was a recording that was given to Adam at a live show by a fan of his late grandfather, Loti Goreg, giving an interview about his immigrant story of coming to America, escaping Nazi Germany, career, his life, his ambitions. It was a very interesting piece that was put together as part of a different audio series of some kind that would have been lost to time had it not been for this fan. So they turned into this tape and Adam wanted to play clips of it. They started doing this over the course of 2011, and they would play select clips from Lazi talking about his life. And then they ultimately aired the full Lazi tape as a bonus episode around the Thanksgiving holiday of 2011. And we've played the full Lotsi tape before, and we played episodes that contain some of these clips, but we've never played the whole thing. So what we're going to do is I'm going to play every single episode leading up to the full latte tape playthrough where Adam played a select small clip. And we're going to take a chunk of that episode before they play the clip and then the clip itself maybe a little bit after. So comes first, we have Adam Carolla show episode 590. It's Evan Sayett, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. It's from 2011. It's the very first clip from the Lottie tape and the story of how it came to be.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I got some fun stuff first. Interesting stuff. A guy at one of my live shows. And I have to say, people are cool. People ask me all the time, you ever get tired of people bothering you or coming up to you or whatever? I go on the road, I sign autographs. Half the people bring me a sack of nuts to eat on the plane on the way home. And the other half of the people bring me toys to give to my kids. And it's insane because I come home and the kids are even surprised. But I give them the toys that the people give me, and no people are cool. And I was at the last show or one of the shows I was at. I can't remember which one. Joe Campagna, he gave me a disc along with a cd, along with some paperwork, which was my grandfather, from some Ellis island thing they did, where they went around. And it's smart. They archived it. I don't know if it was for the Smithsonian or what, but they went around and they interviewed everyone who sort of passed through Ellis island from a certain time to another time. Basically, let's get hold of these guys before they die. My grandfather was in his later 80s by then. It was surreal because I could hear my grandmother in the background. They cut it off every once in a while. It'd be like, Laszlo. And then they'd come back to now, back to the Nazis. And I could hear the planes flying over from Burbank Airport. They'd have to contend because they're right over the flight path flying out of Burbank. And also, I had to do some math myself. I was like, 1989. How old was I? And then I was also doing. My grandfather was born in 1903. I think he was 85. I don't think he was 86 yet, for some reason when he did this, but 85. 86.

[Allison Rosen]

Because he sounded immature.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was a young. He sounded more like 81, 82. Like, you know. Yeah. Kept saying, you know, a lot. And I could tell. I could hear him popping his thumb.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he did.

[Adam Carolla]

He was chewing and popping. And then he was talking about how some boy named Lance was dreamy. And then the guy who's interviewing him went, ew. And then they talked about the cootie factor for a while. Gross, right? So he was, I think, 85 or 86. This is 1989. And he was able. I love the man very much. And he was a. This is why I love the Jews. Great old Jew. And he was the glue of the family. And everyone else in the family is just, eh, eh. They took the. I would say they would take the. I would say their approach to parenting would be much like black folk after a riot, going into the front of a Costco, you know what I mean? Just kind of every man for themselves, you know? It was just one of those things are on fire, the mayor says, shouting for calm. And you go get Yourself a big screen. I'm gonna head over here and get myself a love seat. And if I see you in the parking lot, I see you in the parking lot. I'm not gonna tackle you while you're going for your big screen. And you don't trip me when I'm going for my love seat. But we're looting the same place. But we're on our own. You know, it's every man for themselves.

[Brian Bishop]

You're my de facto competition, but I'm not gonna sabotage you.

[Allison Rosen]

There's only so many giant things of toilet paper.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I ain't calling a copy, if that's what you're asking. So it was, you know, every man for themselves, but not Grandpa. Grandpa was a. Was a good guy. And Grandpa, he cooked. That was the main thing he did. He cooked Hungarian food, and I loved the Hungarian food. And he was just a nurturing guy. Is in that sort of very Jewish way. Just, you know, he was the only one who would go like, what did you eat today? Did you eat already? And no one would ask me if I ate, because why would they? You wouldn't ask someone if they ate. There's a. There's a picture of Laszlo Gorog there. You can see how deeply in love my mother and father are in that picture. Oh, look at my mom.

[Allison Rosen]

Your mother looks so French.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at my. Just because his balls are showing doesn't make him French. Look how my mother is. She is voluntarily looking away from the camera. When my. Essentially, my grandmother, her mother said, 1, 2, 3, she went, fucking this.

[Allison Rosen]

How would I know that?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm looking over here.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not saying, cheese, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'll put my hand on my mouth, and I will not. Now, if you look at the picture, you can see pretty clearly that I was aware a picture was being taken.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you were playing to the camera.

[Adam Carolla]

And my grandfather cocked his head around, and my sister turned and looked too, although it was hard to paint a smile on her as well. But everyone was aware there was a picture being taken. My mom was having none of it. Yeah, that was a clear F you to her mom. And my dad was like, I cannot shape my mouth into the shape of a smile. You know what I'm going to need? I need that orange wedge quick. Because it's like my mouth physically will not move. As long as I'm less than 4ft away from this woman, I cannot get my mouth to move to that shape.

[Allison Rosen]

I really feel like if he were to talk, he would sound like a French existentialist and also he could be a mime.

[Adam Carolla]

What does it all mean anyway? Where is my cigarettes? Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Really? He should be holding a baguette.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you should be trapped inside a.

[Allison Rosen]

Box smoking a galois.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a man of passion. I have more than one turtle there. But anyway, that's my miserable mom and her super, super miserable husband. And that's grandpa. And grandpa was a great guy. And so we got.

[Brian Bishop]

They hadn't broken you yet, by the way. In that picture, you're smiling, you're happy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not happy.

[Brian Bishop]

What? Your teeth are showing.

[Allison Rosen]

I under his teeth always showed.

[Adam Carolla]

How dare you. I understood that when someone took a fucking picture, you go like the same way. It's like if I fell off my bike and cracked three ribs and someone said, how are you okay? I would, I'd go, I'm okay. Like, I just. That's what you say. If I had a bullet in me, I'd say, I'm okay. That's how I was. Brian. This is going to be tough for a guy who puts pillows on floors for his dogs. But I had this thing where it is my obligation not to drag down the rest of society and to sort of paint on a smile. And I was miserable, I was depressed. My family was miserable and depressed. But when they would say, how you doing? I'd go, oh, doing great. Cause that's just what it's almost being socialized. It's kind of an obligation, which I didn't. I overcompensated. I would smile big and laugh it up and try to try to sort of overcompensate for the abject poverty and depression that was the Corolla house. My parents, as you can see, were deeply depressed. And I was trying to sort of get them to snap out of it constantly by telling the joke or something. Of course it fell on deaf ears. But if someone said, we're taking a picture, I would smile and then I'd go right back to being miserable. That's basically how I was. So every picture of the Corollas, and thankfully they're not too many, you'll see me smiling. You'll see everyone else with that face of just sort of morbidity painted on them. And that's me. I'm just as miserable as they are. I'm just trying to sort of kick start it. Yeah, it's that sort of thing. When someone calls and goes, how you doing? You go, fine. Or like when you're at a cashier and you go to the supermarket and you're this close to getting divorced and the kids hate you and your house is going to foreclosure. And the woman looks up and goes, hey, having a good day? And you go, yeah, great day. You know, you just sort of spit it back at me. You don't go, can we talk? I'm fucking miserable here. You know, it's also a way of.

[Allison Rosen]

Being less vulnerable, too, because you're just like, I'm not going to engage with you on that level.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this fellow Joe gave me this tape, and I had not heard my grandfather's voice in over 10 years. I have very distinctive Hungarian. It's crazy to have a Hungarian grandfather because Hungarian is the craziest accent ever. It's the craziest language ever. It's a bizarre, made up, sort of fantasy language. And I'd not heard his voice in well over 10 years. He died, I think, in 98. And he died at the ripe old age of 94, 95 years of age. And my family would never. They wouldn't have recorded anything or done anything for posterity or anything like that. We wouldn't even have a fucking funeral for. For the guy he picked up by the Neptune Society and dumped out with bin Laden. Bin Laden's probably dry humping my grandfather's ashes right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Rich man, poor man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know if you can technically dry hump in the sea.

[Allison Rosen]

Wet humping.

[Adam Carolla]

Tall order. Yeah. So I thought what would be fun is if we just played it like a cereal right on through. I'll play three, four minutes a show. We'll just pick it up where we left off last time. It starts off in Hungary when he was a boy, and it's like we collected silk worms and we got silk and then brought it to the merchant, and you know, who made silk. And everything was, by the way, every story was. And then I walked over here, and then I talked to the guy, and he told me to come back tomorrow. So I walked over to the theater the next day, and he told me to come back the next day. Well, for six months, every night after dinner, I walked over to the theater and I talked. It's like, do you realize there's no. There's no texting. There's no. I called him. My phone rang. It was the voice on the other side. And when I turned the computer on that morning, it was like, it's all. I walked over and talk. Everything was walk to talk to what an inconvenient world. No. All right. I just thought I'd start in the middle. And I'd play you a little clip of his immigration from Hungary after the Nazis were heating up over there. Right before World War. Hungary is not a good place to be a Jew in the latish thirties. Not at all. And it's why. It's why I always say we need to bomb Germany a second time. Because this stuff, could you imagine? Now, for us, it's just a bunch of black and white images of guys in funny hats walking a little bit too fast. But to them, this is it in 1938, Hungary. It's in full color when you're living in it. It's honest. And it's like, what happened? Well, the guy who owned the newspaper was Jewish. So they took that over. And then, of course, I was fired because I was a Jew. And then I couldn't get work, any other work because I was Jewish. So I had to. I was writing, but I had to use pen names because if I use my Jewish name, they wouldn't produce the play. He said it all very, you know, casually, like just starting to creep in. We couldn't go out at night because they were grabbing people and taking them to the Danube and shooting them and stuff like that. It's like, this is your life now. You're just living your life. You're 30 years old. Everything's going along great. And then all of a sudden, hey, Brian, whatever. You are no good anymore, buddy.

[Allison Rosen]

They're rounding up the bald people, put them in camps.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, shit doesn't stink.

[Allison Rosen]

So wait, did this guy went out and found this because he's a fan of you, or did he know of your. Like, how did this happen?

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know? I don't know all the details. He was just in line. He gave me the tape. He gave me his phone number. I'll give him a call. So I just picked a little 1 minute, 90 second snippet to play from the middle thing. Just so you can hear this guy's voice. And then we'll do it in a serial way. It's about an hour long. And we play five minutes at a time. All right, here we go.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Worked in a newspaper who had a Jewish owner. And in 38, the one story I.

[Adam Carolla]

Told the old man's got to tell.

[Laszlo Gorog]

License was taken away from him. He lost the paper, I lost my job. So then I started inquiring.

[Adam Carolla]

90 minutes long. I told one story.

[Laszlo Gorog]

There's the plane flying over, went to the consulate.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Stop it, Mike. I told you to pull one clip. You pull the one with the 747 overhead. It's one minute long. I should fire you and burn down your freaking house, Right? But on a plane, I mean, there were planes throughout the whole thing. There's, like, four planes. All right? The good news is bring this in two minutes before the show. All right, all right, all right.

[Laszlo Gorog]

The door, there was a sign, Hungarian quota for. For 40 years.

[Adam Carolla]

That's him trying to leave Hungary.

[Laszlo Gorog]

So I knew I couldn't get to America because for 40 years I would be dead. So I decided to visit, to go as a visitor. And somehow while I'm there, you know, I will be out in the west anyway, so Hitler cannot reach me.

[Adam Carolla]

Hitler cannot reach me. Wow. That's got to just be freaky, seeing Hitler just taking over. Hungary is pretty much just rounding up their Jews and, you know, sending them over and.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, if you think that sort of thing happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, right. I'll tell you where they weren't. They weren't hungry. They weren't in either one of those twin towers that came down on 9, 11.

[Brian Bishop]

That's obvious.

[Adam Carolla]

That's for goddamn sure.

[Allison Rosen]

What year did he come over?

[Adam Carolla]

He was born in 03, I think. He came over in 39, maybe 40, and didn't speak a lick of English and came over on a. And I won't tell too many of the stories. You'll hear them yourselves, but came over on a German ship. And many of the people that came were Jewish. And there's big Nazi Schwarzenegger flag, like, hanging in their bunk. You know, like, this is a German Nazi ship that they took to Ellis Island. And then this whole anxiety about being processed and sent back and had to find a sponsor. And this whole melodrama about his wife was left behind. His wife was essentially collateral. His wife was. Because it would have been like, hey, Jew, where are you going? Oh, I'm just going to, you know, I'm going to New York, do a little shopping. I'll be back in 10 days. Don't worry about me. It's like, no, you're not going, because you're not coming back. So if your wife stays here, then you will come back.

[Allison Rosen]

She was like, okay, you can go, but we're holding your driver's license.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? That's like.

[Allison Rosen]

So did she.

[Adam Carolla]

So she go to the park and get a utility ball, and they go, we need your driver's license.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, just like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it is. That is what I'm saying. It's not like that.

[Allison Rosen]

It is exactly the same. It's a metaphor, not a simile.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

So, wait, so did she ever make it over?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. We'll get to that story, too.

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds better than it is. Utility ball.

[Adam Carolla]

Utility ball. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Those are horrible.

[Allison Rosen]

Now what am I gonna wear to the utility ball?

[Adam Carolla]

The utility ball is bad because it's like when somebody says, you know what this car is part sports car, part minivan, part station wagon, part truck, part suv. It's like, then it's nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a Frankensteinian combination piece of shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you got a piece of shit. This is a ball that can sort of work as a soccer ball and sort of work as a dodgeball and sort of work as a. That means nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it for people who are tired of carrying around all those balls?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it is the huff. It's the huffy of balls. If your childhood was bad, you had a lot of contact with a utility ball, a huffy. And super denim jeans. All right, Allison Rosen, why don't you get ready to do some news? Shall you?

[Allison Rosen]

Ready. Ready.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do it. Live from the International News center, next to Donny's Minibikes, this is the news with Allison Rosen. Oh, if my poor dead grandfather was here to see all you guys click through Amazon. Come through. That was his, actually, his last words. He called me and he. I leaned over and he whispered in my ear, start a website. Have an Amazon banner. Have folks click through it. Wet your beak. And they just. Yeah. Wet your bee. What's your bee?

[Allison Rosen]

What's he saying? Wet your bee.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I never did, but I realized now.

[Allison Rosen]

Right now, it all comes together.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, what's your peak? And then I did that move where I put my hand over his hands. I close his eyes. You know that move where people die in movies and they just close their eyelids. I don't feel like it'd be that easy.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't either.

[Adam Carolla]

I think there'd be some tape involved and some people going, what's up with his right one? His left one close. His right one keeps popping up. It's almost a papal like, move where they just did it. Now sleep. And the eyes just go down. But are you poking them in the eye? I don't feel like I could get your eyelids to go anywhere.

[Allison Rosen]

I'd be like, ew, I'm not touching a dead man's eyeballs. Even though I loved this person.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, his last words were, you can even bookmark Amazon and shop at Amazon. Support us with every purchase. Unbeatable convenience, amazing prices. At this time, I thought he was talking about the rainforest, because this Far. You know this is years ago, right? Great shipping rates. Amazon.com and again, you want to support the show, you want to support grandpa. You want it the way lots would have wanted it. Then you go to Amazon, you go to AdamCarolla.com and you click on the Amazon banner. All right, news, where's the news?

[Allison Rosen]

Comedian Louis CK took to Twitter today to defend Tracy Morgan.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's good.

[Allison Rosen]

Tracy Morgan, who, by the way, has now apologized numerous times and will be going to Nashville to protest the don't say Gay bill with glaad. This whole thing has become like a parody.

[Adam Carolla]

What a nightmare.

[Allison Rosen]

But anyway, so let's pull up the screen grab of Louis CK's tweets.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Mm hmm.

[Adam Carolla]

Must be nice for Louie just to be the funniest guy on the planet.

[Allison Rosen]

He said Tracy Morgan said something wrong. Evil, cruel, ignorant and hilarious. He was on a comedy stage, not a pulpit. You have a right to be offended. Sound off. As a man who hates violence and discrimination against gays or anyone, I was not offended. I can have two thoughts simultaneously. 1. Gay people have a right to grow up and live in confidence, happiness, honesty and equality thought too. Tracy Morgan is ridiculous, and I love watching him just go to wrongful and crazy places in his mind. And I can laugh. If every word a person says has to be right and balanced and fair, I will jump off a tall thing onto a hard place. That's all. Have a nice day. By the way, that was more than just one tweet.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll be the day the comedy died. And then who would Seinfeld and Chris Rock sit around and talk about when they have their symposiums on who the funniest people on the planet are and how they got so funny?

[Brian Bishop]

You're on deck.

[Allison Rosen]

You should hope for that.

[Adam Carolla]

I would happily go onto stage and play a round of anyone in the audience could shout out any fucking thing they want and we'll all do five minutes on it. May the best man win with those guys. Anytime they'd like to do that. It'd be a good podcast.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like Seinfeld did very well. I don't know how Ricky Gervais would do. No matter if Chris Rock either. He's a writer, you know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

I think they would all do moderately well. I would beat them.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you would. But do you. So do you know that you find.

[Adam Carolla]

That amusing, bald Brian?

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's just. It's not the fact that the confidence, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

You would laugh at me.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know Yes, I know.

[Allison Rosen]

There was one guest who did present it that way. Wait, so do you not think Louis CK Is.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he's a really funny guy, and I. And I like him. It's just weird when somehow something happens, a vote gets taken, and you just become the funniest guy. Like someone got overrided that many people haven't heard of. Right, right. No, I like the guy a lot. I think the guy's funny. Don't get me wrong. No, no problem.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm getting you wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it's weird. It's always weird to me that somebody. I don't know, I just thought this show. I watched a show where they're all sort of talking about what makes a joke and how a joke is formed and what's funny and what's not funny or whatever. I found it sort of arrogant, but it was compelling. And I watched it. It felt like they were all in some sort of club where they were having a circle jerk. That's all.

[Allison Rosen]

I know what you mean, though. It is weird when all of a sudden a whole bunch of people decide that one person in that industry is just leaps and bounds ahead of that person. And then when you watch them, it's not readily apparent to you as the observer, why, even though they're good, he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Good, they seem like the person next to them or sometimes the host in front of them or whatever. Whatever it is. But anyway, like the guy. Love to have him on the podcast.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I like what he said on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I was saying to somebody, I was doing an interview today. I agree with that. I was doing an interview today, and I said, look, there's no. There's no safe zones anymore. I mean, it used to be you would have to publicly declare something, and then privately, if you said something, well, that was your thing. God knows what all these characters in the past were saying when they weren't up behind a microphone. I mean, God knows the kind of. Imagine the kind of racist jokes Johnny Carson would probably say when he was shooting pool with his buddies or playing tennis in Malibu or something like that. I mean, the point is, there's no place you can hide anymore. If you're on stage, if you're doing standup, it used to be a sort of a sacred place. You could go do standup. What I was saying was, is I said Gilbert Godfrey got shit canned from his Affleck gig by doing a tweak. Tracy Morgan got fucked over, or at least is having to go march on Fire island or wherever he's going. He's having a march with glaad, which I'm sure he doesn't want to do because he said something on a comedy stage. Chris Titus was doing our show, so he was doing a podcast. So one guy's doing a podcast, one guy's tweeting, the other guy's doing standup. It's not an FCC situation. It's not a wow. This guy did the Tonight show, and this is what he said. No, these guys are not. They're not on the grid, right? A podcast, a standup set. I mean, could you imagine Lenny Bruce or whoever just being held to whatever they're saying? I mean, traditionally, standup is the place you go, that's your sanctuary to say anything you want. And look, people can boo you and people can walk out of the club, but there's no repercussions. It's standup. You get to fucking say whatever you want. You do your sitcom, you make your money, then you go do your stand up, you say whatever the fuck's on your mind or you tweet or whatever. Well, now you can't hide. There's no place where you're safe. You can be seen, recorded, heard, logged in, whatever it is, wherever. Wherever you are. And I don't think that's a great thing that we don't have that anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's scary that we don't have that outlet and we don't have a place where people can really speak their mind. I mean that. Not to get all sanctimonious, but this country was founded on the idea that you can speak your mind.

[Adam Carolla]

But the point. And maybe we shouldn't call it speaking your mind or make jokes, because I don't think Chris Titus wants to take a shot at Sarah Palin if she ever takes over the keys to the White House. But it's him on stage. And people don't understand the context and the mandate. They don't understand that when you're in front of a couple hundred people, you're forced to do things in a tone that you wouldn't do conversationally, things you wouldn't say. It's never about, eh, this guy's okay. It's, I hate this guy. I hope he dies. You know what I mean? Everything's a sort of extreme. You have to put a couple zeros behind everything, because otherwise it's one big sort of. It's unsweetened porridge fest. You know, just, you know, it's gotta be extremes. And Richard Pryor would do it. You know, I beat my bitch. A bitch hit me in the frying pan. I punch her in the face. You know, like, thank you. I'm sure he didn't punch anyone in the face. And he probably didn't hit the frying pan, probably because he was on fire. Literally, from the frying pan to the fire. That's what we do. That's what we've traditionally done. Now everything's just verbatim, like, all right, that's what he said. We're just reading a transcript, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It doesn't make sense because for so long in this country, we have. And I'm now going back and making a different point. We have understood that comedians are allowed to make jokes and that we don't take them seriously. So why now are we taking everything comedians say seriously?

[Adam Carolla]

When Dane Cook does a routine and goes, you know, so me and my girl were role playing, so I went outside and I hid in the bushes, and then I came in, and then she. You know, she hit me. She blinded me with shaving cologne. And then I told her I thought we were rolling. And it's like, you're watching him do the bit and you're going, oh, this never happened. You didn't go out and hide in a bush for 45 minutes and then come in? And then she didn't recognize you. And like, whatever it is. All right, so fine, it's artistic license. He's saying it. He doesn't mean it. He's concocted it for the entertainment of his audience. Fine. I understand it. And when a guy says so a bum come up to me and said he hadn't had a bite in a week, so I bit him. All right, that's illegal, then. You biting a bum. That's a felony.

[Allison Rosen]

So we should press charges.

[Adam Carolla]

Should we press charges or are you making a fucking joke?

[Brian Bishop]

Thought it was. Yes. And.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm just saying. What? Can a comedian not go out on stage and talk anymore? And, yeah, they're gonna say hateful things, and you don't have to support them, and you can say that was a hateful thing. But do we have to get into this? I mean, especially, like, the Titus and the Palin thing, that sort of thing, really, where it was fucking kidding, for the love of Christ.

[Brian Bishop]

When it came up a couple days ago, I flooded the theory, and I've since embraced even more, and I want you to get on board with this. The Tituses, the Gilbert Gottfried's, the Tracy Morgans, they're victims of their own success. Once you get to A certain level of success. Network sitcoms, national spokesman. Once you sell yourself to a national.

[Adam Carolla]

Voice of a Mallard national spokesman and smoke detector.

[Brian Bishop]

Once you get. Once you get to that level of success, you lose your ability to be edgy. Like you can say whatever you want. Marc Mayer can say whatever he wants. Daniel Tosh can say whatever he wants. Because that's your guys thing. You're podcasters, you're kind of, I don't want to say rebels, but you're not that sort of everything to everyone. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Adam is all men to all people.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. He's on everything to everyone. I mean, of course, obviously, if Kevin James does a bunch of, you know, zookeeper movies and then comes out and drops an N bomb on stage, he's painted himself into a corner because he has presented himself as the family friendly husky.

[Brian Bishop]

And if Jim Norton does it, it's probably hella no.

[Adam Carolla]

But the only problem with is Titus wasn't that guy and Gilbert Godfrey's not that guy and Tracy Morgan's not that guy. I mean, your example is fine, but you're talking about Tracy Morgan who's nuts and filthy Titus who's edgy. And it's honestly not been the star of a sitcom in 10 years. It's not exactly on the tip of everyone's tongue, but those two guys are.

[Brian Bishop]

Great examples of what I think happens is. And you tell me you think this happens someone this happened somewhere in the middle of the country and people see that Tracy Morgan's coming to town like, oh, he's from the Office. I love the Office. I watch it every week with my kids or my. Whatever, my husband. I'm gonna go see Tracy Morgan and sorry, the audience other NBC sitcom and they show up and they get a very different brand of comedy than they're expecting. They're expecting something that's PG13 and watered down.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not that.

[Brian Bishop]

So I think he's a victim of his own success. He's successful sitcom.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know that the majority of the audience going to see Tracy Morgan live thinks they're going to get a PG watered down version of the sitcom. The people that complained probably did. There is a percentage of people that probably will. And as far as the victim of own success, I mean, look, that goes for every human being that has success, meaning that goes for Tom Cruise. He can't go out and do whatever he wants to do because someone will see him doing it. And that goes for picking your nose while you're driving someone's going to film it with their iPhone and they're going to toss it on TMZ before you get home while the booger's still fresh in your cuticle. All right, anyway, I'm just saying it's interesting that most recently, not the Tonight show and not the evening news, but a podcast, a Twitter, and a live standup. The three things that you think would be sort of safe harbor for guys to really speak their mind. And they're getting popped. Which means in a weird way, it's a sort of compliment for the Twitter, for the podcast, for the fact that there's no more Big Three anymore. It's not like, oh, he was on.

[Allison Rosen]

The network, a picture of your dick to someone.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Huh?

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Jesus.

[Allison Rosen]

Wiener.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not the Wild west anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, sorry, go ahead. Yeah, News.

[Allison Rosen]

I want to go on record as saying I think that it's a terrible trend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, so mugshots of John Edwards were released thanks to the Freedom of Information Act. And I just think that we should look at these mugshots because these are the best looking mugshots I have ever seen.

[Brian Bishop]

What did he do?

[Allison Rosen]

He pled not guilty to charges that he funneled money intended for his campaign for use in an effort to shield his relationship with Riel Hunter from being public.

[Adam Carolla]

Funneling. Funneling money is one of those things that sounds better than it is. You'd think. Hey, what happened? Oh, fucking killer party, dude. We funneled some cash. Where were you? I funneled some Jagermeister and then I did a roll of nickels.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I did a cash stand.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Shit, a pyramid of nickels. It was awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. He was indicted. That's why he's not running anymore. But anyway, look at those. Look at those mug shots. You don't normally see those.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And he looks like such a good citizen, too.

[Allison Rosen]

He really does. He doesn't look like a money funneler.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like. He probably asked the guy if there's anything on my teeth.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He doesn't look like he's funneled anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think there's a little courtesy can of hairspray in the place where they take your mugshot and a comb?

[Adam Carolla]

I think they have. It's like the black guy in the bathroom at the strip club. He's there with the secrets. The certs, the aqua velvet, a little pomade. You know what I mean? You tip him out. Tip him out.

[Brian Bishop]

Puts the soap on your hand for you.

[Allison Rosen]

The combs in that blue liquid. What's that called?

[Adam Carolla]

I Don't know. But I am wild. I am wildly uncomfortable with that process. Yes. And the fact that nine out of ten times it's a man of color makes me even more uncomfortable with that. When I put my hand out and he puts little splits of soap on there, I feel like. But, buddy, no, we don't have to do this. I'm gonna soap you up. Yeah. Now, the point is this. It's weird. I don't want to get the eye contact going. I don't want to wash my hands.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I don't.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't want an intimate sink moment that's gonna then cost me. I don't know how much I'm supposed to tip, but something you pray.

[Adam Carolla]

It's busy in there, and you can kind of get caught up in the tide. But there's the worst is when you go in there and there's the guy and he's like, good evening. How are you? And you're like. And you're like, jesus. Now it's established, it' there's contact, you know, I have to give him a dollar. Meanwhile, I've been making it rain with fistfuls of twenties out in the. Out. Out in the champagne room for the last four hours. But the dollar, it's like, Jesus Christ, a dup.

[Allison Rosen]

Slots get tight.

[Adam Carolla]

One spritz of soft soap, and all of a sudden you got to be a millionaire.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

I've been balling up 20s, throwing them. Trying to throw them in the vagina of strippers for the last two hours. But now it's like, what, a dollar? It's a lot for the Lavoris. A lot. Sorry. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

So we have some relationship calls to talk about.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we do?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We got our guest out there. Is our guest out there, I believe.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. All right. He got here early. Mike can tell us. Why don't you wanna try a relationship call? Yeah, let's try that. Let's do that.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. I would like to know what that blue liquid is called.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Giovanni]

All right, that was Adam Krill Show 590. Coming up next, we have Adam Krill Show 593. We got Jim Florentine, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. A little more of the lotsy tape. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

I had some things go on today. Many things. Many things. First off, I'm officially old. I went to the optometrist for the first time in my entire life.

[Allison Rosen]

First time. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Never tell me about that. The thing about the cor. No allergies, great hearing, no eye problems, and just never go to the doctor, never do anything. And also, the optometrist was considered sort of highfalutin. But when I was a kid, you know, I was right up there with orthopedic shoes and other things like, come on, you're fine. Rub a little dirt on it, it'll be fine. So.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, the boy wants to see now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look at Poindexter over here. Besides, walking around with a 1.3 GPA and horn rimmed glasses is probably not going to help my cause in high school. So I was always. My problem was my vision was too good, my hearing was too good, I was bothered by things. I have this crazy kind of a hypervigilance, as I've discussed. I was after my kids had one of their many parties at my house when I was out of town. I was coming home late at night, walking up the dark stairway. There was one of those big oversized Mylar balloons sort of in the corner, you know, but off it was sort of to the right and behind. And as I was walking up the stairs, the wind blew a little and I saw this movement and I just jumped out, like into a ninja pose. And it's like, that's what. That's what this condition does to me. Yeah, I wish my seeing and hearing wasn't as good as it is. It bothers me, but I'm old now and I've been wearing reading glasses and I finally went in to get myself checked out and I had this moment and it's happened a few times. When we were doing the movie the Hammer, me and Kevin Hinch were sitting in the recording studio with the Foley guy. The guy, you know, does all the sound design and the sweetening and makes all the stuff and makes all the punch sounds and the grunts and everything. And we said to him, that Albert Brooks movie. Robert. Sorry, Albert. Modern Romance. That has to be the adored movie in your industry because he was a Foley sound guy in that movie. There's no other movie where a guy did that. There was a Travolta movie where he did something close to it. But the Modern Romance. And he said what? I said, you know, the movie where the guy does what you get. You guys must discuss it. It's your Foley sound. Some sabbaticals and things like that, symposiums. And he's like, I know what you're talking about. Like celery breaker. How do you not know? Yeah. When you guys are discussing the difference between corrugated sheet Metal for thunder and a trash can lid. This does not come up. Never heard of it. Don't know. It's like it's an Albert Brooks movie. It's like, no. So today I'm sitting there at the optometrist and attractive 33, 35 year old woman and she's doing her thing.

[Allison Rosen]

She's actually ugly in 60.

[Adam Carolla]

And I've never. That's up at my eyes. And it was a dude. And I've never, I've never. You know, I've only seen that thing where they put your chin in the thing and they keep sliding the lenses around and all. I've only, I've only seen it in the movies. And one of my favorite movies, Crimes and Misdemeanors by Woody Allen. And I said, you ever see that Crimes and Misdemeanors movie? Because he plays an optometrist.

[Brian Bishop]

Footnote to that. I think that was one of your finest TiVo trivia moments was when they said an optometrist and you buzzed in, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'd say a knife salesman.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, up there, definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I liked, I didn't like the fan. And I love Crimes and Misdemeanors. I just think it's, it's, it's Crimes and Misdemeanors is like the greatest, most well rounded mm, MMA fighter there is. Great standup game, great boxing, great jujitsu, wrestled in college. You know, it was like, even though just like ground game fighting, game kicks, it's all there. Like, it's funny.

[Brian Bishop]

The Woody Allen comparison is apt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, he's an ass kicker. No, it's Crimes and Misdemeanors is funny. It's poignant, it's heartbreaking, it's hysterical. It shows all the different sort of shades that is the human condition. And so I said, crimes and Misdemeanors. And she said, how's that? And I said, you know, the guy's an optometrist in the movie. I don't believe I know that one. I said, first off, just cosmically, you should know. You're a woman of science. For the love of. I said, I said, there's Woody Allen. You've heard of him, right? Oh, yeah. I said, Crimes and Misdemeanors. It's a great movie. I'll write that down. I said, has anyone ever brought that up to you? No. Why not? Why not? And she said, one of my patients wanted me to watch a movie called Clockwork Orange. And I was like, oh, that's. No, they put toothpicks in the guy's eyes and no, let's show him Nazi propaganda. No, no, no, no, no. And she said, and another one wanted me to watch, I don't know, some hostage movies. It was another one of those torture.

[Brian Bishop]

Marathon Man.

[Adam Carolla]

It wasn't Marathon Man. That was dentistry.

[Brian Bishop]

But down in a chair.

[Adam Carolla]

But. Well, that was dentistry. But the point is this. It was another one. And I said, that's like talking to a, you know, a cardiologist and saying, hey, you know that Conan movie stabs a guy in the heart. You'd love it. Like, no, he wouldn't. That's. That's not what my game is. No, this is a movie where the central character is an optometrist and he's got a patient, he's going blind. And, you know, spoiler alert and all that. And she's like, I'll write it down. And I'm like, how? I'm mad, okay? I'm not mad that you don't know this, although I am a little bit. I'm mad that nobody else has ever uttered a word. You work in Hollywood, baby. Nobody's done the connection. Connection here.

[Mike August]

You know what you were throwing me, though, And I didn't get it till just a minute ago. It's not an optometrist. It's an. He plays an ophthalmologist.

[Adam Carolla]

I did say ophthalmologist to her, too, as well. But anyway, I don't know the difference.

[Mike August]

Well, the difference is the. An optometrist usually has a storefront. That's where you get glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

That's where you get. Right. And ophthalmologist, you go, ophthalmologist is the guy.

[Mike August]

It's a surgeon. It's a little more.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Stop. The press is Jewish. Clearing up the haze of the medical profession. Something that's never happened before.

[Mike August]

And by the way, you're talking to someone who had a similar grade point average to yours, but by virtue of religion. Yes, I think I know something about the medical community.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. And I know one guy's one there. But either way, they're in the room. Her chin is on the stirrupy thing. They're going. His chin. They're pushing the lenses through. She's checking the light. I mean, just should have seen the. God should see the movie anyway. Just because they should.

[Brian Bishop]

Do they still do the trial and error thing where you put your chin on the thing and they go, which is better, A or B? Which is better? Oh, yeah, I believe it hasn't advanced at all. In the last 50 years.

[Adam Carolla]

It has not changed since. You know, black and white films where guys were being enlisted into the Korean conflict and sitting on that thing now it is exactly the same. The difference is the optometrists are different. They're 34 and hot now, not. Not 65 and white and old.

[Brian Bishop]

They fast and loose by the rules too. They're like, the last time I was the optometrist, like, I can get you medical marijuana if you want. And I didn't ask. I was like, oh, really? For that? Offering information.

[Adam Carolla]

So then we had this moment where I said, it's a tough job you got here, right? And she's like, yeah. And I said, I bet people don't listen very well. And she's like, oh my God, like she almost fucking had a heart attack. She's like, oh my people, they just are so. And I said, did you ever have any idea adults would be this stupid and not listen? And she's like, oh my God, no. No I did not. Cuz hers is a job is like right eye better or worse? Better or worse. And she doesn't get better or worse. She gets a lot of. She gets a lot. It's different. And the middle eye and the third eye and it's all something other than just true or false, you know, up or down, stop or go. Like there's always some confusion in there. And then I had this uncomfortable moment where so she had this cathartic moment with me in the office, like with the door closed and stuff. She's like, oh my God, people don't listen. People come in here, I don't know what to tell them. I tell them that they're having degeneration of their macular whatever and they want to know about colored contact lenses. And I'm going out of my mind. Like, she's like, she's like, right. It's like you were. We've set up the society to torture smart people by surrounding them with dumb people who won't listen. And I said, not listening, meet stupidity meets crazy sense of entitlement. And she went like, oh my God, oh my God, yes, yes. And then we walked out to her like receptionist. And her receptionist had my sunglasses. And she said, well, what we can do is. I said, well, you pick out sunglasses and have the prescription, whatever put in them. And I said, basically, I need reading glasses and I also need sort of real far away glasses. I don't really need the real far away, but I said if I'm driving and if I'm racing My car or something, it would probably be good to be a little better. And I said, if you go put them in these sunglasses. And she said, well, we can just get those frames. We'll just order those frames from Ray Ban and have those done. And I said, yeah, okay. And then so when we walked out of the office, we're standing in front of her helper lady and she said, okay, so you want me to take the sunglasses and swap out the lenses for the new lenses? And I said, well, why don't you just write down the serial number on these, I'll take these with me. And then you can just order new frames and put the lenses in them. And she paused and she said, so I'll take these. And I said, this is what we're talking about. Right as I turn right to her thing and then you guys made out, she clammed out. Like, she was like, I don't know what we're talking about. And then the other chick just gave me and her the stink eye. Like when I said, this is a fine example of exactly what just went on in there. Yes, yes. She, by the way, it was her thing. She said earlier, I can just get the frames. I'll just order, I'll just get the number off the side of your frames, order the frames from Ray Ban and just have the prescription ones popped in. I was like, all right, well I'll be taking these then. All right, so I'll keep these. Yeah, that's basically how it went. So I need glasses, I need the ones that reading. It's basically so I can text and drive. Essentially what they're there for in one pair. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the new Ray Ban enablers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, enablers. I also had my son yell at me as I left the house that I'm not the boss of the inside of him. There's all this fucking school shit going on where I understand we don't want the kids to get molested by the ice cream man, but there's a lot of like, they're fed a steady diet of like, you control your body. Nobody tells you what you can do with your body. And when you tell a five year old your body, that's them, baby. Like, what they're really sort of subtly saying is, don't let the guy who drives the ice cream truck drop a digit on you. But it's coming out as, I'm pirate of my own five year old ship. And so I get a lot of, hey, Sonny, seriously, come down here, get your shoes, get ready. You're not my Boss. I'm the boss. I'm the boss of my brain and my body. And you're not the boss of me. And I started walking to the garage and I was like, I. I am your boss. I'm the boss of everything in this house. And as I was walking in the garage, I heard him mutter something like. And then I said to my wife I was walking with, I said, what the hell did he say? And she said. He said, you pee in the sink. Which is some sort of fucking. It's like finding a picture. I think it's like finding a picture of J. Edgar Hoover in fishnet stockings in like 1943 and just being a mafia crime boss and just whipping it out every time he's thinking about upping surveillance or something. I'll just whip this out. There you go. Back off, back off, old man.

[Brian Bishop]

Just like Kareem Sky Hook. Just go back to it every time.

[Adam Carolla]

Just go back to it every 20,000 points. Just work it in and go right, right back to the sink.

[Mike August]

I'd be in the sink.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll tell him. The great Larry Miller.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you really? Why have you not talked about it before now?

[Mike August]

It hasn't come up. I dwell on ophthalmology so much.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what?

[Mike August]

It's the bars. That's why we can't go out. But I pee in the bar sink downstairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. When you're drinking at night, sure, why not? Saving millions of gallons. The reason the Sudan is green again is because you pee in the wet bar.

[Allison Rosen]

It makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

No, there's no bathroom down there. And it's just.

[Mike August]

Why leave?

[Adam Carolla]

And it's so perfect and it's such.

[Mike August]

A guy thing to do.

[Adam Carolla]

And it has that mirror with the gold veins in it. He can stare at himself drunk.

[Mike August]

Well, actually, ours faces the other way. It's behind this bar and we love it. We bought the house because of the bar.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not proud of that, but that's the truth. And they built the house around the bar.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the two and a half bathrooms.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. If that counts, look out. I'm living in a 14 bathroom mansion. We start working the Shrub in Look Out World.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you mean the like antiqued mirrors, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I love that. It's classic.

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, classy, but you can't see yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike August]

By the way, the mirror with the gold vein sounds like a James Bond movie that wasn't made, right?

[Allison Rosen]

And it sounds like it wasn't a mirror that he's talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Is assistant Matt back there anywhere. Did he leave yet? This is going to be good. Come on in here, Matt. I started off this morning. Oh, boy, did I get. I did not get out of the gate well this morning. Yeah. Look at you. I got my nipple. Got my. Yeah. Nice, nice. It's not galvanized, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I did not see galvanized. You did not see galvanized? All right. Amazing. I had sent him at Home Depot.

[Allison Rosen]

Get on my nipples. Like, cut your thumb.

[Adam Carolla]

Get on the. Thank you. Get out. Get on the mic, would you? It's gonna be uncomfortable for both of us. Both of us. I mean, you, I.

[Brian Bishop]

And the listeners.

[Adam Carolla]

The mic and the listeners. Mike August makes the promotional thing for me. It's a lot of like, hey, could you get up at 6:40 and call Poughkeepsie and then call their sister station and then do an interview with a guy, whatever. And half the time. Well, actually, 60% of the time it goes like this. I go to bed at 1:00, I get up at 6:00, I stagger over the phone, I dial the phone. And keep in mind if I'm doing a phoner that's at like 6:15 in the morning, I set my alarm for 6:14 or 6:15. Literally, I'll just wake up and go over there and start dialing, and I'll get to sort of half asleep. And usually what I get a lot of the time is Studio B. And I'll go, hey, it's Adam Carolla. Why are you calling this number? And I always want to go, why am I calling this number? Because I just randomly dialed a cluster of numbers and hoped that I would talk to WMPW and Poughkeepsie because your people gave me this number or they gave somebody this number. What do you mean, why am I calling this number? I'm calling the number that you provided to call in your morning show. What other number? Well, I got this old laminate my dad had, and he keeps it in his wallet. And it's all the radio stations that are east of the Mississippi. And I guess this number might be. You gave Mike August this number yesterday, and then he forwarded it to me, and, you know, Matt gave it to me in an email and said, call this. Why are you calling this number? That's the number you provided. But then it's always, well, then call. Could you call back in Studio A. And then last week, and then half the time, it's why you call today and what and who. And last week it was the usual. Either get, why are you calling on this number or who? Adam Carolla. But you're supposed to call in last week and you stiffed us. Yeah, I'm calling this week. Oh, no, we didn't have you on this. Oh, hold on. We got a five minute stop set with traffic and weather news and traffic and mattress and lanes. Meanwhile, I'm supposed to call another station. Then they go, hold on, we'll patch it together. Now I'm hanging on and I want to hang up now, but I feel bad because it's difficult. So I had Mike August sen. Matt, this. This has been gone going on for a year and a half nonstop, just calling. I called a guy on a cell phone who was in maui, one of DJs. Like, I'm on my vacation. It's like literally the guy was fishing off a pier when I called him. Think I was calling into his morning show. Like, I just get a weird number every time. So I said to Matt, Matt, this has to end. And what did I say? Matt, on. What was it? Thursday, Friday last week? Yeah, on Thursday and. Or Friday you made the request that I call the phone numbers in advance to screen them so that when you call, you know that you're supposed to be calling into the station, into this number at that time. And not only that, I said, don't call in the afternoon. Because on the east coast, if it's a morning show and we're calling from 4:00 in the afternoon out here, those guys are long gone. Have to try to get him in the morning and just go, Adam's calling Tomorrow morning at 7:45. Is this the correct number? Is this the correct place to call? And they'll confirm or deny it.

[Laszlo Gorog]

And Adam's on the phone.

[Adam Carolla]

We will avoid any of this discomfort. And Matt said, will do, boss. And then I got up this morning and I do the same thing I do to myself every time. It's a fucking torture, myself. My alarm clock is my little egg timer. It's my little digital timer, my kitchen timer. I use because I wake up at all different times. I don't have a. Hey, you get up at 7:30 and you go in like some Billy Joel song from the 80s and punch a clock and work at the mill. I have a job.

[Brian Bishop]

We didn't start the fire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I have a Thinking more Allentown. All right, I was thinking my job is more like sometimes I sleep till 9am and then other times I get up at 5 and everything in between to catch a flight at LAX or call in a radio station or whatever it Is so I have this goddamn egg timer, and it does hours and it does minutes. And there's a psychological thing. My first call this morning was at 7:45. 7:30. 7:30. Thank you, Matt. 7:30. And I went to bed.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't be a one upper. Like I said before, I went to.

[Adam Carolla]

Bed at like 12:32. But I wanted to set my egg timer for seven hours, not for six hours and 55 minutes, which is like, it's loud. I don't have to keep saying every minute. And you can do it. I have to do it manually.

[Allison Rosen]

You didn't want to get button thumb?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I didn't want to get button thumb or wake up my wife or anything. So I did this thing and I fucking burned myself every time where I go, all right, I'll set it for seven hours. It's going to go off at 7:33, not at 7:29 when I want to get up. And then I'll torture myself by waking up for the last two hours and keep looking at the clock trying to beat the fucking thing. It's the height of retardism. But the point is this. I get up at 7:32, I stagger over the phone. I call what I think are my buddies, the regular guys, Eric and Larry, to plug a gig in Atlanta. And instead I get Kid Chris, who's their competition, who just moved from Portland and is now in Atlanta. And I call and I go, hey, it's Adam. And then I get the hey, oh, you're. You're early. Oh, I am. I thought I was late. No, and see, now I don't know what's going on because I think I'm going to talk to Larry and Eric and all producers sound the same. And I don't want to give away too much because I'm a little out of it and I'm not sure if I missed out or whatever. Hold on. So next thing you know, I'm talking to Kid Chris and company in the morning. And now the whole time I'm realizing that the regular guys expect me to call in 10 minutes ago. Then I get the call on the other line. It's Mike August. Mike is telling me Larry and Eric are calling from Atlanta. They want to know where you are. Now, in the middle of my interview with Kid Chris, I have to say, oh, hold on. I have to take that call because it's Mike August. And there's confusion. And I take it and I'm like, I'm talking to Kid Chris. I must have missed dialed because it's like area code 206 with another number that says area code 206 under it. When you're tired, sometimes you'll slide down a column when you're dialing. So I dial and so I finish. I tell Mike, tell Larry and Eric I'll call them back in 10 minutes. I'm just finishing up here. And then I'm trying to do that thing where it's like, I gotta go, but not to talk to anybody else. You're not talking to our competition? Oh, no. Okay, thanks. Great. Awesome. Hang up the phone. And I think, well, I must have just like I said, I must have missed out. I see the 206 in front of each number. Call now what I think is the right number, which is the number at the top.

[Laszlo Gorog]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Adam. Carolla, you just called us this kid Chris again. Oh, yeah, I know. All right. The numbers were flip flopped. I was disoriented. We just talked about 48 hours earlier. Maybe 72 hours. Yeah, yeah. Did not get that problem corrected. Don't know how this happens as much as it happens, but it happens every other time we try. I called Mike August up. I said, mike, you are so fucking lucky you're not a pilot. You would have crashed into the side of a fucking mountain. 285. Well, actually, probably just once, but you'd be. Everyone would just be dead all the time. Like, you're so lucky what you do doesn't matter because you fuck it up all the time. And then I said, but, Matt, we just had this discussion. And he said, I called him on Sunday, which technically was the day before, but Sunday, Matt, yeah, you know, he spoke on the phone this morning too. I neglected to call on Friday. That was definitely my air on Sunday afternoon. I saw the numbers on there. How badly could I get burned Where I said call the day before. Except for the day before was a Sunday, so Matt beat me on a technicality. I should have thought better, though. I mean, yo. Or at all. Or at all. Yeah. And called on Friday. I would say that if the issue is why are the numbers wrong? I'm copy pasting the numbers. If the issue is calling the numbers ahead, I'm definitely at fault for that. No, you call the numbers ahead. You basically are the warden in a place filled with violent sexual criminals and you're not doing a good job watching. And when somebody gets raped, there's a lawsuit. And who do you think gets sued? The warden, not the crazed criminal. We all might. We know Mike August is a crazed Rapist, that's who he's. Looney is a tune. He'll fuck up every email he sends. That's why I go to you, baby.

[Allison Rosen]

Matt, you have to be the boss of the inside of Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah. Unlike my son, who's the boss of the inside of him. All right, Matt, skedaddle. All righty. I don't know what number to give you on that. Minus something, your next 10 will bring you up to a zero. Goodbye. Goodbye. All right, now, Larry, something I know you'll enjoy. My grandfather, Laszlo Gorag, whose real last name was Gutman, who's Hungarian. And I've spoke about this cat before. There's the old Hungarian guy out there. Somebody handed me a tape, or I should say a disc when I was out on the road saying, hey, man, I got this from the. I don't know if it's for the Smithsonian or it's a part of an Ellis island thing. And they sat down in 1989, when my grandfather was in his late 80s and got chronicled his life, you know, leaving Hungary when the Germans were coming and the whole leaving his family behind and coming here to be a writer when he didn't speak English and what things were like. And I thought, you know what? Let's just break this off into four or five minute chunks and just play it. What? We'll do it, you know, as a serial. And you can hear this man, he died in his mid-90s, but this is him at 88 or 89 discussing his life from an actual tape. A guy came to his house in North Hollywood and sat down with him. That's great. And just talked to him. So here it is. And you can hear that great Hungarian accent.

[Interviewer]

Well, I'm Andrew Phillips and I'm speaking with Mr. Leszlo Gorod.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yes. G O R O G O R.

[Adam Carolla]

O G. That's my grandma's loud mouth. Thank you. Always yelling.

[Laszlo Gorog]

And.

[Interviewer]

It is the 24th of May, 1989. We're beginning to see the view. It's about half past four in the afternoon. Mr. Gurog is from Hungary. And what, dear, did you. What year did you immigrate?

[Laszlo Gorog]

What year.

[Interviewer]

Let me ask you first. What year were you born?

[Laszlo Gorog]

1903.

[Interviewer]

And what year did you immigrate from Hungary?

[Laszlo Gorog]

39.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Interviewer]

Mr. Gura, could you start by telling us where you were born and could you spell some of the names, which may be difficult for our transcriber?

[Laszlo Gorog]

I was born in 19. Okay. I was born in 1903 in a small Hungarian town called Nirachasa. N Y I R E G Y H A Z H Are you kidding?

[Adam Carolla]

That's not just N Y I Sounds like an eyeshadow.

[Laszlo Gorog]

High school diploma. And then I moved to Budapest as most kids did.

[Interviewer]

Could you tell me a little bit about your parents? What they did and what your house was like. A little bit about the atmosphere of that time.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Okay. My father was married into a coffee house. This wasn't his profession. He was sort of agricultural or something, you know, as a young man. But he married my mother whose father had a little coffee house. When I was 7, they bought a new coffee house in a new building. It was a three story very new building and very large coffee house with four pool tables and marble top tables and many, many mirrors.

[Adam Carolla]

Coffee.

[Laszlo Gorog]

I used to wonder when I looked at the image and it reflected over and over again. And somebody told me it's infinite. And I looked into infinite. It was a nice place for kids. That's where we did our studying. You know, watching the billiard players and reading our books and so on and so on. And it was a happy child. I should. Until 1910 when my mother suddenly acquired a hernia. And there was nobody in town who could operate. And she got general sepsis before somebody arrived from Budapest. And she died at early age. I think she was 32 or 34.

[Adam Carolla]

Life back there.

[Laszlo Gorog]

My father remarried two years later. And then we moved to another town. Similar small town where I had to change school. I went to a Cistercian. It's a type of fish gymnasium. And in 1918 my second mother died of flu. After the flu didn't take much back then we called it Spanish flu where decimated the whole world really. This was such an unhappy.

[Adam Carolla]

They're under the southwest flag from Burbank.

[Laszlo Gorog]

My father that my father sold the business and we moved back to this again and finished high school there. By the time I finished high school and wanted to go to university to become an engineer. There came the first anti Jewish law in Europe. Which according to which I couldn't go to a university because they took only very few Jews.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. And that is part one. I just figured we'll break it off into chunks about. I think it's about 55 minutes or an hour. And goes through his whole life. World War I, World War II, Nazis camp.

[Brian Bishop]

So matter of factly is like.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

They. They wouldn't let me in because they only let in a couple of Jewish boys. It was the law.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait till he gets into losing jobs. And Rounding up people and giving them numbers and ghettos and, oh, boy, you won't want to bomb Germany again after you hear this Life, you know, because you're so used to, you know, all the chronicling of World War II begins at the beginning of World War II. So there's a lot of. Well, then they invaded Poland, and then they took over the Maginot Line and went into France. And, like, you're like, all right, well, that's where the story begins. No, the story begins many years earlier with normal people walking around having a life like, hey, I'm gonna go be an engineer. I have this girlfriend. I'm in love with this person. I'm starting a family with that person. I just had my first child. I just opened my first business. I'm doing whatever it is I'm doing. And then World War II begins, and that's when your dream ends, depending on who you were and, you know, Gentile and Jew alike. But you forget about the part where people are just living in their little town. You couldn't pronoun walking around dealing with the trials and tribulations. And then the Nazis come rolling in and start rounding up people, and there's all of a sudden, it's like fake papers and scrambling and documents and, you know, who do you know? And I knew a guy, and he got me this paperwork, and then just sort of life back then, like, well, she had hernia, so she died, and then she got the flu, and then she died. My two moms, you know, two moms gone inside of, you know, before the age of 13 or something. Says it was just a tough life. But by the way, that I want to smack my kid with, you're not the boss of my brain. My grandfather lost two moms before his 10th birthday. Little shit. By the way, in a town no one can pronounce. Seriously, that was like, N, G, Z.

[Mike August]

Y, N, Y, R, E. I remember.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't. Was there two Rs? Nirgazin, Niren, Chausen. But if you. And the spelling of it is even, there's no way you could be working at, you know, an airport or train station. Go. So you're from where, Mac? Nah.

[Allison Rosen]

Even the spelling of it is a hardship.

[Mike August]

Yeah, Mike, by the way, pizza delivery was so hard. If you live in a town like that. Where you from? Oh, I can't. I can't do it again. By the way, it reminded me that we grew up under the landing pattern of jets at Kennedy Airport. And you develop. Here's an American problem We developed the ability to read lips on TV as it got louder. So if you're watching gun smoke or have gun will travel, you could still. It wasn't that hard. You could hang right in there and know exactly what was going on as it got very loud and then as it started to get soft again.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Plus, there is a. Back then, you know, the episodic TV was a lot of. All right, boys, let's round them up. And, you know, it was pretty straightforward. Not a lot of curveballs tossed your way.

[Mike August]

That's true. We couldn't do it for Noel Keller.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Hey, Mike, find out the name. Get Grandpa spelling that one more time the front. It's going to drive me insane. By the way, we're going to be at Caroline's. That is tomorrow night with Jim Norton up on stage with us. And also we're doing a live podcast Thursday night, Caroline's. Ira Glass and Mike Birbiglia going to be there. That is an eclectic group.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of range in those guests.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of range. Also going to be doing stand up at Caroline's. And I should say that we. I don't. I don't get what that second thing is, but anyway, Mount Airy Casino. No, I don't know what. The Ace Hotel, Palm Springs.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, we're doing a live podcast.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, we're doing a show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we're doing live podcast. Palm Springs. I thought we were doing a live.

[Brian Bishop]

Those first three are all live podcasts.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, good, good. All right. My bad. As they say, Ace hotel, Palm Springs, July 21, being a live one. And San Manuel Indian Casino. Doing a live show or my live show? Standup show. July, it's so damn hot. It is Velvet Jones and Santa Barbara next Friday. And Mount Erie Casino Poconos coming up. All right. Caroline's as well. Do you have that? By the way, Dawson, did you figure out the beginning? See how he spells it? Try to write it down. This time it's N Y, R, R, E, G Y, H A Z.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I thought it was hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I mean, can you imagine? Just look at Nierenjasan. But I've told you a million times, Hungarian is crazy. It's a crazy novelty language. What's the name of your town? NY R E, Y, G, H A, Z, A. That just doesn't mean anything. Why does it need so many fucking letters?

[Mike August]

Hungarian, by the way, is its own language. That is. It's not romance. It's not tied to Italian or Latin.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Mike August]

Or it's Hungarian. The magyar language in the tribe is its own place. Its own language.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't exist anywhere else sane. Well, anyway, there is no end to the information that you have provided us today. I just, I love that crazy little. I love the idea that they slate with the, you know, what time is it? What's the date, what's going on? Hearing grandma yelling in the background very loud. All right, so we'll play more episodes and we'll just play five minutes at a time. We'll bring you from little town in Budapest, around Budapest, up past World War II and moving here to the States and get nominated for an Academy Award and the whole nine yards from that little kid in that little town with the two dead mommies. That by the way, is what why this country used to be great. It was a whole, it was a million plus of those stories. Not a bunch of self entitled pricks. My grandfather never came here and said, you gotta print the DMV pamphlet in Hungarian. And I need these signs to be in English in Hungarian. And I need a Hungarian as a second language student, a teacher at my school. Like no, you come here, you learn English, you get along and you'll thrive not. We're gonna create a little little Budapest. And then you can just sit there and surround yourself in your own language, in your own culture and don't worry about having to change anything. We'll cut off a slice of it right here for you. No, because then my grandfather never would have become what he became if someone just moved Hungary to some part of the valley over here and just said, stay there and never leave.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll bet he wrote a letter or two to Wienerschnitzel in his day.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you can laugh when you say when I tell the story. Every third show about him seeing the North Hollywood would Wienerschnitzel, you know, open in two days with the big sign Der Wiener Schnitzel up there and him going, finally some good schnitzel brought to North Hollywood finally. And then this single tear rolling down his cheek as the 14 year old asked me wanted a corndog and a Pepsi. Like what Schnitzel? I'm from Nirenchausen, it's the schnitzel capital of the world.

[Brian Bishop]

This will never stand in nursery.

[Adam Carolla]

You want some, you want some curly fries with that old man? What, what is curly? Yeah. All right. Should we play a little bright side? Larry Miller here. Everybody got you down? Can't catch a break. Thinking about ending it all. Well, don't let Adam turn your frown upside down. It's time for Mr. Brightside. I think that it's just called Happy Organ. The. That song is called Happy Ore. Not.

[Allison Rosen]

Going to make the joke. It's easy.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, do you think that.

[Mike August]

Organist ever used to turn around and wink at the crowd as he was playing that?

[Adam Carolla]

Never ever, no matter how fast they skated past him.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam, we haven't done this game in over a year. I think so. Refresh everyone on the origins.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, you're going to call in and you're going to say, hey, man, I had a job and I was driving for ups, and I backed my brown van into a minivan and the guy sued me and I lost my license and now I'm unemployed and I'm gonna yell, my grandfather lost two moms before the age 11. Cry me a fucking river.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the opposite of what Ken. Adam. Complain about. Give them the bright side of the situation.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Oh, thank you. Okay. You're right. All right, Nana and Johnson. You're better than that. Sheldon. Yeah, what's up? What's going on? You don't know much. Give me your problem and I'll. I will make it better for you. Okay. My girlfriend of five and a half years helped me on the phone on a Wednesday. And then a week later, one of my friends shot himself. And about a week after that, my grandpa died. All right, well, two things. Shot himself, not yourself. Right? You always got that part. So he's shot and then someone else in there. Dawson's having a good time over there, by the way. Getting dumped on the phone or, you know that thing where people go, you know, my boss, he fired me through a text or an email to me. Better. Wildly uncomfortable with that. Could you shut the door? Listen, Larry, you know, we all. Look, everyone loves you around here. No, I love being here. Yeah.

[Mike August]

So that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I could shut the door again. It's a double door shutter. Really?

[Mike August]

So it's like that one of those James Bond or Secret.

[Adam Carolla]

Secret door, double shutter. All right. That's a signal to my secretary that someone's gonna get asked can.

[Mike August]

Is this the promotion I've been waiting for?

[Adam Carolla]

Larry? You know that box with the handles cut out of it? That's cardboard that has fake wood grain.

[Mike August]

There was one in front of my office to.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead and get that and put your pencil holder in it, would you, buddy?

[Mike August]

Oh, because I'm moving offices.

[Adam Carolla]

If you want to call the curb. The office. Yeah, go right ahead. I'll see you later. If you want to call the Sizzler and Downy off an office then, yeah, you're moving office boy, I might take.

[Mike August]

The wrong road and get a gun and come back here.

[Giovanni]

All right, those Adam Kroll Show 593. Coming up next, we have Adam Krull Show 594 featuring Kelly Oxford, Allison Rose and Brian Bishop. We get even more of the lotsy tape.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so when we left off, grandpa had lost his first two moms, one to hernia. Hernia. There was not a surgeon in town and she could not be repaired. She was probably 30. The other just got the flu, they call it the Spanish flu. And died. His dad had sort of married into a coffee house. Yeah, you think Starbucks is new?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

And my grandfather spent his childhood living in an apartment sort of behind this coffee house. And then spending time just sitting in the coffee house watching guy shoot pool and doing his homework. And also when you listen to him, and especially as this wears on, you realize education wildly important to these people. Learning, you know, Latin and learning multi languages and, you know, speaking, you know, he spoke German and Hungarian and learned.

[Brian Bishop]

All those languages so they could thumb their nose at them later in life.

[Adam Carolla]

And I know with their crazy, with their crazy Hungarian and just, you're hearing how like hard work and study and perseverance, by the way, just paid off. All right, so this is just five minutes in.

[Allison Rosen]

And remember he said also that he wanted to go to college for engineering, but he couldn't because they only took a few Jewish boys.

[Adam Carolla]

Handful of Jews, yes. By the way, the name of his hometown was spelled N Y. We just had it up there. N, Y, R, R, E, G, Y, H, A, Z. Told you it's a fucking nutty language. All right, here we go.

[Interviewer]

Before you tell me about that experience, could you tell me about your life at home as a child, what it was like for you, what your house looked like and felt like?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yes. Well, as I said, our house was a new modern building. We liked it very much. The coffee house had a summer place with outside tables and overhead, whatever you call this awning, you know, and we liked it because we liked to watch people. And that's where we had our 4 o'clock tea or coffee, you know. And we lived off the main building in a very small apartment, three room apartment. I had a sister older and a younger brother. Our room was so short, accommodate only one bed. And all our young life, my little brother and I slept in the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you pause it for a second?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Second bed.

[Adam Carolla]

You know how to do that by the bed? See you Know what I liked about him and I like about old people and how they speak? He said his room was so small it could only accommodate one bed. Because now it'd be like the room was like really small and shit. So it only held like a bed.

[Allison Rosen]

Not even a light. There's only a bed.

[Adam Carolla]

There's only a bed. Like bed, like one bed. Like, it's just like it got bored with bed and just trailed off at the end. But it'll be like a lot of likes. And he would say, like. He wouldn't say it's hard, he'd say it's difficult. And he wouldn't say held or whatever. He'd say accommodate. Yeah, like he just used better. They weren't lazy words. He wasn't trying to be highfalutin. That's just like, he's an older generation and that's how they learn to speak. All right, sorry, go ahead.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Hey, just insert. He also became a well known writer in Hungary later. So, beside these tragic events, our childhood was a normal and fairly happy one. I was a good student, my brother was a good student, my father was a strict man. And we better have been good students.

[Adam Carolla]

Hear that, sonny?

[Laszlo Gorog]

That you are Jewish. You have to be better than anybody else, otherwise you won't make it.

[Adam Carolla]

Not at basketball, but we couldn't even.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Make it very much. In other words, I never could go to university, although I had somebody who had connection, very big connection with the government. But when I asked him to get me into this technical university, he came back saying that there were going to be two Jewish boys accepted, one by the Regent of Hungary and the other one was the Archduke of the Habsburg House. So he couldn't do anything for me. And this is. I decided I had a chance to go to a bank and be a bank clerk, which I had no talent for. I never studied because gymnasium was not commercial. I could understand Latin better than counting. And then 1923, there was the big Hungarian economic collapse and I lost my job.

[Interviewer]

Could you perhaps build up to that time? Take us through what it was like in Hungary during the First World War? The atmosphere.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yes, it was, of course, as everyone know, 1914. I was in the street when there was a big bang and people looked up and said that there was a flaming sword across the sky and there will be a war later on. It turned out that the meteor dropped and went through the air, making this fiery track. But the war came anyway. It was against Serbia and we were totally for the war. We felt, stupidly most likely that our crown Prince was assassinated by them. And of course, later we found out that our crown prince could ask you.

[Interviewer]

To be careful of the microphone.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Oh, yeah. That our crown prince was a very anti Hungarian, very arrogant Habsburg. And I think it was Hungary's luck, except for the war. And the war came and it hit our town, which is on the northeast end of old Greater Hungary, close to today Russia. But it was Czechoslovakia that ruled. That was close too. And the Russians broke through and Polish refugees came, you know, and the war was very prevalent. And we kids, we made cigarettes and went to the radio station to meet the soldiers, going to the front and give them the cigarettes, you know, and so on. So it was an exciting time, but we did not feel the problem except when the train started coming back from the front with the amputated soldiers and the half dead and so. And then, you know, and then my father was drafted at the age of 42, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there you go.

[Interviewer]

Tell me about that part.

[Adam Carolla]

Two dad drafted at 42 for World War I. All hands on deck, making cigarettes and going down to the train station to give it to the guys that got off the train. Now you'd be fucking arrested. And there'd be lawsuits filed against you. And kids. Oh, how much Purell would they have to use to wash their hands once the tobacco got on their hands? That's cancer. Oh, they'd be dipped in Purell. I don't know. I can't figure out whether they may have been happier than us, though. That's the sad part.

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds cheerful about the whole thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. He said, except for those tragedies, I had a pretty happy childhood. Those tragedies were big.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he did well also. A lot of people died and a lot of people just had disease and born with one leg longer than the other and stuff. So if you just had ten fingers and toes and sort of a roof over your head back then, you felt like you were doing pretty good for yourself, going to school, dressed and all that. All right, that's Grandpa lazi. And part two. World War, World War I is closing down. World War II is coming. The part that's interesting to me is before World War II hits how the. He sort of gets a little wind, figures out which way the wind is blowing in terms of the Krauts, you know what I mean? The Nazis and starts to figure writings on the wall, I'm going to blow this taco station. So easy in hindsight. But as he tells it later on, you know, people were telling them, relax, you're nuts. You're being paranoid. You know what I mean? It's not gonna happen. I mean, you know, we look at us, we're all here, everything's fine. That's insane. It's like they'll come in, maybe they'll bust a few windows or something, then they'll move on out. They're not gonna, we think, gonna be rounded up. Putting trains and putting ovens like you could never have imagined that they were.

[Allison Rosen]

So much a part of, so assimilated.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So if one of my friends said, I'm going to some far away land, I would have told him, listen, I'm staying here. I'll be dealing with that carbon monoxide detector. And good luck in your voyage on your Nazi boat to the new country. All right, should we take a. Take a quick break?

[Giovanni]

All right, those. Adam Krull show 594. Coming up next, we have Adam Krul show 597. We got Jesselyn Heinz Ward, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop and even more of the Lotsy tape.

[Adam Carolla]

Whenever they talk about cigarettes and they talk about cigarette statistics, they're allowed to say whatever they want because they have God on their side. So there are just a bunch of lying ass wipes and they can just go, hey, you know, 53,000Americans die every year from secondhand smoke. And then Dr. Drew pulls out an article from JAMA. It says as many seven people died from secondhand smoke. They, they just tacked 52,000 onto that seven. Why? Because they have a point to make. It's sort of like, here's essentially what it is. When people talk about cigarettes, when Rob Reiner and his buddies talk about cigarettes, they talk about cigarettes. Like I talk to my kids about fire safety and other things. I'm allowed to lie. I'm allowed to use hyperbole because I'm trying to save them. I'm allowed to tell them, you never touch the oven. You know, even when the oven's off, you could still get burned. You know, I'm allowed to lie because they're kids and I'm making a point and I'm better than they are and it's for their own good. And Rob Reiner and his ass white buddies are allowed to manufacture things as well because it's for the greater good. But this whole. First off, let's really examine this. First, I've always heard the amount of money it costs society when one of these guys get lung cancer and die. Lung cancer is one of the fastest killing cancer. These guys all just fucking kick off at 62. I'm telling you, my grandfather, you're going to hear in a second, had a big heart attack at like 69 or 70. The doctor said, you don't quit smoking and you ain't going to see your next birthday. And he quit smoking and he lived in 96, and he cost the state millions. Millions. His last 10 years, he was back and forth to Kaiser every 10 minutes.

[Allison Rosen]

So are you saying it's in the best interest of the people in our pocketbooks if people continue to smoke?

[Adam Carolla]

It's better us keep. My grandmother made it well into her 90s, and my grandfather made it well into his 90s, and they both spent a fuck of a lot more than they put into the system. Keeping people going, which is what we're doing now, now into their 90s, is going to bankrupt the system. Especially when people. You work as a schoolteacher your whole life. You're not putting in hundreds of thousands, thousands or millions of dollars, and then you spend your last 12 years taking out literally millions of dollars or up to that amount. That's what my grandmother did. That's what my grandfather did. So this notion that it costs us more if you have lung cancer and. Or a heart attack in your mid-60s, I don't. That's 30 years or 20 years short of. That's 20 years of you not going back and forth to Kaiser for me, number one. So I got to see that data. Number two, how about being morbidly obese? What does that cost us? I mean, just being 50 pounds overweight. Just fabric. Just in fabric. Just wear and tear on sofa pillows. I mean, just all. I'll bet you you live longer. I'll bet you a fit person lives longer smoking than a unfit person lives having a greasy diet of eating at McDonald's. So where's all the fucking warning labels on all the soda cans and all the McDonald's and all the fast food and all? Where's all those? Where's everything else?

[Allison Rosen]

Not to disagree with you, but there is quite a lot of talk about that. I mean, it's not to the degree of smoke.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I know, I know. Well, of course, we've been talking about it for 10 years, but I'm saying on cigarette packs have skulls and crossbones on them. And a price of a pack of cigarettes would be $1.65 a. A buck 65 a pack, not five.

[Allison Rosen]

Bucks a pack or like 10 in New York.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's like three. There's like eight bucks tacked on just because Rob Reiner thought it'd Be a good idea.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I have a question, though. The extra 30 years of medical care that your grandfather needed was any of that because he had been a smoker? It was just old age type related stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll see it and maybe you have. You're supposed to dine in your early age pretty much when you start breaking down, about 82, 83, and you usually die. But if you hang on until your mid-90s, that lasts 10 years, that involves help nurses live in help diapers. Diapers and I mean, seriously, taking a bath is a big deal. In and out, lots of equipment, vans to come, get you, load you into the van, take you to Kaiser, get you out of the van. You're not moving around very well on your own, but you're heart will keep beating for 10 years. You'll just have someone you pay 19 bucks an hour to will have to live with you. And it costs a ton of money. All right? Anyway, so smoke up. Smoke up. Smoke them if you got them. All right, should we want to finish that story? We're saying you got one more you want? Let's hear Laszlo.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's hear Lazarus. Okay, that's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. More later.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Yeah, our last, last clip, we left off with my grandpa Gutman I think was his last name, but he somehow went with Gorog. Gutman was too Jewish and Gorog was just weird enough, Laszlo, or Lazis, we used to call him. His father was being drafted, I think, at the ripe old age of 42 for World War I. And again, this is just an audio CD that a guy gave me, a fan gave me at one of the shows that was recorded, I think for the Smithsonian, but I know it was for Ellis Island. It's just at my grandpa's house in 1989. So I was running around the neighborhood driving my piece of shit Mazda pickup truck at some point when this was going on, part three, the big shock.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Came in 1918 when suddenly, according to readings in the newspapers, they were winning all over the place. There was. You lost the war, you know, because it was true that when the First World War was lost, Germany did not have one enemy soldier on German soldier, Germans were in enemy swords in Serbia, in France, and so on and so on. But the war was lost anyway because.

[Interviewer]

Could you tell me some of the things you actually saw when you saw those soldiers returning from the front? Can you remember any specific images or stories about those experiences?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Well, let me see. I remember one. When they went to the front. They were very tipsy and singing very gaily. And so when they came back, of course, the threats. So when they came back, of course, the train came very quietly, pulled in without a word. And there we could see through the windows and so on. And some of the soldiers were taken off on stretchers, you know, bloody and dirty. And they made impression was that war was dirty and stinking. You know, the soldiers clothes had a certain smell, you know, which most likely it was dirt and sweat and blood and unwashed. And I found out later, for instance, that there was. There was a statement that it was easy to get used to the danger in the trenches. But what wasn't easy is to get used to the rain. Standing in rain, in snow, being hungry and mostly lice. So a cousin of mine who later became a newspaper and said that the Bosnian soldiers. Bosnian soldiers were with Hungary because Bosnia happened to be part of the Austrian Hungarian monarchy.

[Interviewer]

What is that word?

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Interviewer]

Which soldiers?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Bosnian.

[Interviewer]

Bosnia.

[Laszlo Gorog]

It's today, it's Yugoslavia. And they had a way to deal with the lies. They were simple peasants and so on. They put a string around their wrist and the lice, sometimes when the sun was on, try to go out to the worm. But they couldn't because it was the string. So they went around the string and they just walked around. And more and more and more, after an hour, they took off the string and pulled it through their teeth and spit out. Chewed on the lice and spit it out. That's the way. And the Russian soldiers across did the same thing. So we had a theory that the part, the side that can handle lies faster and better will be the winning. Will win the war. So this was the.

[Interviewer]

Was that theory a joke or was it real?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Beg pardon?

[Interviewer]

Was that theory a joke? Was that said as a joke or.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Was it said as a joke? As a joke, yes, that's right. Of course. And I had relatives. My best cousin was captured by the Russians, you know. And we hear from him for decades until he showed up way after the war from Shanghai. He was captured and somehow married a Russian woman and moved to Shanghai and had no money to come back. So finally he made a deal with the German shipping company as a stoker. He came back and we admired. He had been a wrestler, very strong man. And his forearm was tremendously huge from stoking for half a year. What's the name of the boat?

[Adam Carolla]

Such a different time, but yet it's so weird that, you know. So we're talking about, I don't know, 1918, 1919 here and then, you know, but I don't know, 1950s, like a totally different world everyone's living in. I mean, kind of the blink of an eye.

[Allison Rosen]

They had better ways to remove lice by 1950. Do you know the way to. Best way to remove crabs, though, is to tie a string around your dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

Because they all. They want to go where the warmth.

[Adam Carolla]

Is done and done.

[Allison Rosen]

And then they all congregate on the.

[Adam Carolla]

String, move over cowbell. You got a new friend on the cock. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Then you just run cow bell.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, you always think about the part, you know, the war and. And the bombs and the bullets and all that, but you do forget about just the filth and the disease and all the vermin and, you know, all the rats.

[Allison Rosen]

I never even thought about that.

[Adam Carolla]

All that shit. I mean, those guys were in trenches and they just lived in trenches.

[Allison Rosen]

You're not even talking about the Jews.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm talking about. I mean, I don't know. Better to be on a really, a cattle train than be in one of those trenches just soaked all the time and rats running through there. I mean, I just threw up in my mouth. Damn. What.

[Brian Bishop]

What is a stoker is this. I'm going to stokes the flame.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. This guy just steamship just, you know, shoveling coal, basically. Just. Just keeping that fire burning and boiling that water.

[Giovanni]

All right, those. Adam Curl Show597. Come next we have Adam Curl Show598, featuring the great Gary Cole, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. We get even more of Lotsy's journey into America.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I need a little clarification on the story, because are they just saying. Are they lowering standards or are they just saying the homework's gonna count for less of your grade?

[Adam Carolla]

They're saying it's gonna count for less of your grade.

[Brian Bishop]

But you're saying this, overall, this is gonna create a downward trend.

[Adam Carolla]

All I'm saying is I don't even care. I've never done eight seconds of homework in my life. I've never done homework in my life. I studied, ironically, for a Spanish final one time so I could graduate with two days left in school, and I got a D, even though I copied from Cynthia Nagatani the entire word for word. Anyway, the point is this. I never studied Shout Out. She was hot. I never studied myself. The point is this. Every single time the LA City School District tries. Unified School District tries something, somebody shouts, racism. Of course it's going to be something racism, because there's a large group of kids that are of A certain race that aren't doing well. So anytime someone says, look, 10 years ago, they wanted to do English only, and everyone went fucking bananas. And I was like, of course they should learn English. How the fuck are they gonna get a job they don't learn English? And everyone went fucking bananas. And that was 10, 12 years ago, and they did the English only, and now it's fine. It didn't make a difference. The point is, everyone goes fucking bananas.

[Brian Bishop]

Ellie, good use of banana.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, thank you. Would you? By the way, somebody find out where LA Unified was in the 50s and find out where we are now. I'd be curious how many spots we've dropped. All right. Anyway, the point is, this is the direction we're going. Somebody needs to step up and start demanding that certain cultures that don't put an emphasis on education need to start focusing on that rather than making excuses or more than making rules and or more reasons why the education and these things cannot be enforced. Sorry, go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly. So yesterday we were talking about smoking and whether it costs more if people smoke or if they. If their life. What was. I'm trying to figure out the best way of saying no.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember I was complaining that I've always said for years that I didn't get the part where everyone had to pay an extra five bucks for a pack of cigarettes because of the toll, the monetary toll, it cost society, and that 53,000 people died of secondhand smoke every year. And Rob Reiner and his pussy friends would sit around and bang the drum and say, it costs society millions and billions every year because of the crippling effects of secondhand smoke and cigarette smoking and the health costs associated with that. Thus, we needed to either ban cigarettes or add $5 a pack. And I kept saying, doesn't living till 95 cost the government more than keeling over at 64 and a half?

[Allison Rosen]

Right. You were saying, yeah. If a bunch of people are getting sick from smoking, how is that not actually saving us money from a purely economic standpoint?

[Adam Carolla]

I told you, my beloved grandfather we're going to hear from in a second had a big heart attack at like 69. And the doctor said, quit smoking or you're not going to see 70. And he quit. And then he built the system for three or four million dollars until he died at 96.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Those are some expensive, prolonged years that did not involve smoking.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, here's what you are when you're young, you're a new car. You don't take any maintenance, you just drive it. Just turn that key and drive it at the end. You're like a car that probably should have been junked with 150,000 or 200,000 miles. But we're going to keep cars going to 500,000 miles. And let me tell you what the maintenance is on a car after it hits about 300,000 miles, everything needs to be replaced all the time. It's at the shop all the time. All the bushings, all the seals, everything constantly being rebuilt. So if you just took a car and you drove it to 100,000 miles and you got rid of it and you got a new car, there'd be no maintenance shops anywhere. Thus hospitals.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you. Well, so someone tweeted us a study that was done in the Czech Republic which found the cost benefits of smokers early mortality, together with cigarette tax revenue, outweighed the economic drawbacks of healthcare and other smoking related costs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Thus proving your point.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Philip Morse did the study. Basically just saying, hey, man, smoke up.

[Allison Rosen]

And they're super unbiased.

[Adam Carolla]

And they say the country. Millions. Not only they made millions in tax dollars from. I mean, if you think about it, you know, they don't get taxed. Cigarettes don't get taxed. Like, oh, it's a quarter or 8 cents or whatever it is, it's $4. You know, they just tack on like 4 bucks or pack. And then everyone mix the tax dollars with people keeling over in their 60s and you got a nice dividend to the state or to the country. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

[Adam Carolla]

You want me to talk?

[Allison Rosen]

No. Well, I have another story if we should like to do Another story. A woman who was 95 and had cancer was going on a flight in Florida, and the TSA had her remove her adult diaper. So now her daughter is suing because if you. You go through security in a wheelchair.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, if she was a smoker, we wouldn't have to deal with this.

[Allison Rosen]

No. Look at all the money she's costing us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. If you go through in a wheelchair, there's a specific protocol which is that they have to wand you or pull you aside because terrorists are always in wheelchairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. They're handicapable, folks.

[Brian Bishop]

When I wasn't doing quite so well medically, I actually went through security in a wheelchair. And they had to. They didn't cut me any breaks. They had to pull me aside and do the whole wand and everything. And I couldn't get through it on my own. I would have fallen over.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, you're the new face of Al Qaeda.

[Brian Bishop]

I was at the time. Yeah. The new bald face of Al Qaeda.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course. Listen. Of course. You know, you call it profiling. How much is call it common sense? You know what I mean? You do it every day. My brother's wedding.

[Brian Bishop]

That it tucks in the bag. And I'm like, yep, wannabe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm just saying all you have. All we have in life in terms of security is common sense. It's you walking along in the park and it's getting to be dusk and the sun is starting to go down, and you notice that maybe you're the only one in the park as you're walking along or jogging along, and you see a dude coming the other direction. And the dude either has a beard and looks a little mangy and has his hands in his pockets and looks a little disheveled and looks a little whatever ever. And there's that part of you that crosses the side of the street where it's a little better lit and it's in front of a couple houses because that dude is looking a little weird. Or it's another guy jogging who is a chick or a guy who, you.

[Allison Rosen]

Know, isn't digging furiously for something in his pockets. Up and down.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying we factor everything in. And. And you know it. And you do it on a daily basis, and that's what you do. And. Yes. Does color factor in? Yes. Does gender factor in? Yes. Does size factor in? Yes. All these things factor in. How about just a look? And it's one of these things where people go profiling. But if you saw a guy jogging at you who was well dressed, he looked like Denzel Washington and he was black, and he's jogging at you and a nice, you know, wearing a brand new pair of Nikes, you would not cross to the other side of the street. And conversely, if you saw a white guy who looked like. What's his name? Shifty.

[Brian Bishop]

Shell shock.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No. If you saw a guy look like Nick. What's his name's mugshot. I'm trying to think of Nolte. Nick Nolte's mugshot. You'd cross the other side of the street. It's not about color at that point. It's just about what the dude looks like. Yeah. That's how you go through life.

[Allison Rosen]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you apply that to dogs. You apply that to just about everybody and everything. It's built in. That's what we do. And we need to do that at the fucking airport, too. Otherwise the lines are going around the block and listen, here's the thing. The planes coming out of the sky is a tragedy. The part where we spend billions of wasted man hours on the ground every single day and every year, that's also a tragedy. It's big a tragedy, as sad as it sounds. I mean, look, let's face it, people die. People die in a multitude of ways. People die in automobiles every day, but we're allowed to drive. If you had to stand 20 minutes outside your car every day before you're allowed to get in and turn the key, it would be a fucking tragedy. And we're fucking ourselves. We're idiots. And as trite as this sounds, the terrorists have one. Because people like this are getting a wand shoved up their ass and their diaper taken off. And there's lines around the block and everybody's getting stripped down and everyone's yelling at each other and everyone's pissed off and they've won. They've won. They've successfully. I mean, do you think you put a dollar amount to what they cost and what it cost us because of 9 11? And how much extra does it cost us because of our inability to. Just be realistic, Our inability to go, yes, these people. And by the way, what are we scared we're going to piss off the Muslims? Are we scared we're going to offend these people?

[Allison Rosen]

I think so.

[Adam Carolla]

They want us to die. I'm fine with that. Now, we're going to profile you and or we'll send a predator drone to kill you. That's about it. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Quit disguising yourself as 105 pound little old ladies in wheelchairs with diapers because you're not fooling up, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Of course the Muslims hate our fucking guts. They want us to die. I understand it. And people do. Well, not all Muslims.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's say the extremists.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course not all. Yeah, the extremists of that one culture. Just that one culture. The extremists. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, coming back from jfk, I went through the body scam machine. Did you guys?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Why, Am I the only one that went through this?

[Brian Bishop]

No, but the dude in front of me who was a couple years younger and a little swarthier. Shall we? He got plucked right out of line. Got put right in the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not swarthy.

[Brian Bishop]

No, you're not. But he was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Look, either way, let's, let's do at least what LL does. Or let's at least start here. Here's the thing here. I'll tell you the one thing you shouldn't do. When this sort of shit happens, everybody, it's like. It's like. It's like this. It's like if one student is out of line, if one student is delinquent, if one student is tardy, if one student steals a library book. L. School lockdown. Whole school going through metal detectors. Whole school. That's not the way to approach any problem.

[Allison Rosen]

Efficiency.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. It's. It's. There's a way to do it right, and it's going to involve some policing. This is not policing, by the way. This is. We could do this. Work with a fucking border cow. This is not policing. This is. Everyone funnels through the same machine. That's not policing at all. That's just setting up ropes. I would like some thought put behind this. And again, the thought of everyone dumps out their bag, everyone takes their shoes off, everyone goes to a scanner. That's not police work. That's taking an entire population, putting them in line and shoving them through a scanner. That's nothing to do with police work.

[Allison Rosen]

Security. Not. Not only is it. Is it completely inefficient, it is making it so that they can't even pick up anything because it's so diffuse. That's the thing, is that it's a pain in the ass. But I don't feel any safer.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Thank you. All right, well, listen. Mike August traveled with a. Literally. With a box cutter. With a razor blade. Box gutter. Mike August traveled with a box cutter for one year with me on the road. A box cutter to prove a point? No, because he's a fucking idiot. I guess that was a point.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the point.

[Allison Rosen]

But he didn't mean to prove that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, what the fuck do you need a box cutter for? And he's like, I don't use it. I open letters. I do whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm like, open letters, his correspondence.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's also so dumb, he didn't know it was just the segmented blade kind that you bust off when the one gets dull. And then you bust the next one off and then you keep busting them off. He just seems like, I wonder why this thing was so long. He's been using the same one for three years. Same dull blade. All right, where were we? Should we do a little snippet? Let's do a snippet from Grandpa and then we'll play our made up movie game. Should we do. Oh, Outro. That was the news with Alison Rosen. Sponsored by LegalZoom. All right, this is my grandfather Laszlo, you guys have been listening. We've been playing little snippets from his hour long interview with a dude. Sounds like he's from New Zealand or Australia. He interviewed my grandpa in 89 when my grandfather was born in 03, about Laszlo's life. And where'd we leave off? World War II? World War I? Well, either way, this is, this is him well into his 80s.

[Laszlo Gorog]

As I said for us kids, I was a boy scout and worked like I made rope out of straw so they can. And the ropes they made to make boots. Because the first year in the war on the Russian front, which was cold, a very cold winter, and it turned out that the Hungarian, Austrian Hungarian industry made paper, sold boots and many, many thousands of soldiers had frozen feet and had to be sent home. And that's why the boy scout made this rope thing over the boots that kept it a little warm. But this was not a tragic time for us. It was an interesting time. Our life went on. Our school was every day and we had to work at school, etc. Etc.

[Adam Carolla]

There had to work at school.

[Laszlo Gorog]

It isn't all I could say. I wrote a book about it and it hasn't been printed yet, but when it will, then you will find more about it.

[Interviewer]

Tell me about at what age did you move to Budapest?

[Laszlo Gorog]

At the age of 18.

[Interviewer]

Age of 18. So you were living out in the country until that time. Did your family have a garden?

[Laszlo Gorog]

No, we didn't have a garden. This was a big commercial building and we had potted plants in the coffee house and then the terrace of the coffee house. So it was pleasant. But we did. But we had a forest nearby where kids used to walk, you know, my little brother and I cut some silkworm eggs and we raised silkworm and we had to go to the forest to collect. What's the name of the berry? The most common anyway, some berry leaves which the silkworms light. And in an empty room in our house we set up this. And there's just as an interesting little anecdote that we heard that the silk factory paid, I don't know, like a dollar for a pound of the. Of the cocoons, you know, and we collected it, put it in a cigar box and we had to walk way out of town and I carried the tote and then my brothers, I told them, you carry it. And then he carried it. At a certain point we argued who should carry and we quarreled and we put the box down and went home and never collected the dollar for the. For this half a year of work, just because I said, you have to carry it now. And it was a couple of pounds, you know, so it was really. Anyway, this is just a little anecdote. So at 18, I went to Budapest without any hope of getting into the university, but with a good hope that I'd get a job in a big bank where a relative of mine was the manager of a branch office.

[Adam Carolla]

You, who knew someone in a bank.

[Laszlo Gorog]

At the age of 20, I was promoted. I went to the stock exchange, and I worked at a very early age. It was for a kid to work on the stock exchange, meaning that I was allowed to sell and buy. I was authorized. And in 23, it collapsed. It collapsed again. A little anecdote that one day the rumor came that the most important private banker of Hungary committed suicide because he lost everything. And the prices came down tumbling. At 11 o'clock, the man appeared. It was a rumor. And he walked around and the prices went up. And of course, all the short sellers, if you know what it means, got broke because they sold and sold and sold and couldn't buy it back at a cheap price anymore. But I lost my job when the stock exchange totally collapsed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And there he was, early 20s, living in Hungary. World War II. World War I. Go ahead. Yeah. World War I, behind you. World War II, coming. By the way. Imagine if I was doing a podcast back then and the Germans started up again. Like, I'd be like, jesus, fuck, come on, let's go kill those guys. And then there'd be a bunch of people go, you can't rush to judgment. And I'd be going, someone go over there and get a Predator drone. Oh, what? I just invented that. You guys don't know what that is? Oh, it's awesome. Yeah, let's get a Predator drone and kill Hitler. And there'd be a bunch of folks from the west side who would go, what are you talking about? You can't do that. That's a life, That's a human being. And I'd go, come on, it's 1939. Let's kill the guy with a Predator drone.

[Brian Bishop]

I know where this is going.

[Adam Carolla]

And they'd go, you know, there must be a reason why ranting about the war again. You must have done something to anger him. You know, they love their children too, over there in Nazi Germany.

[Brian Bishop]

You think about his side.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What about his life through his.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

He ever walked in his.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. Would it have been awesome just to take a Predator drone in 1939 and snuff Hitler out. All right, There are bad people out there. It's good to kill bad people. Makes things easier. Look, there's a few kinds of bad people. There's your Hitler kind of bad. And then there's, I'm going to walk into a Safeway and shoot a bunch of people that are hanging out talking to a local politician. Either way, if we could kill those people before they killed us, it would be a nice society. That's all.

[Allison Rosen]

There's other kinds of bad.

[Adam Carolla]

There is. I'll tell you the bad. Breaking Bad. Bryan Cranston, not nominated for an Emmy.

[Allison Rosen]

That's bad.

[Adam Carolla]

That is bad. All right, all right.

[Giovanni]

There was Adam Carolla, show 598. Coming up next, we have Adam Carlos, show 599, Paul Prevail, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. Once again, even more lotsy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla show. BETOnline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for everything sports betting. BetOnline has every stat, every matchup, and even live odds and spreads to bet on during the games for pro and college games. With the largest catalog of odds on everything from football, mlb, playoff, NHL, NBA, and even political prop bets, Betonline has it all. And as if that's not enough, BetOnline also has the best odds and info on MMA. Professional boxing, too. When the game's over, head on over to Betonline's online casino and get in on a game of blackjack or poker or unwind with one of their 150 plus slot games. Head to the website today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. Bet online. Bet online. The game starts here.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the reason Tom Petty didn't want Bush to use his song in 2000 is, well, this is from the letter that was delivered. Any use made by you or your campaign creates either intentionally or unintentionally the impression that you and your campaign have been endorsed by Tom Petty, which is not true. Snap.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish that Clinton, I wish that Fleetwood Mac had prevented Clinton from using Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow. I can't stand that song. It bothers me. I don't know why. It's not a horrific song. It just gets under my skin or something. And also, I always wonder if these guys really like it or someone just tells them, use this song.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it's probably that focus group to death or else there'd be more Black Sabbath.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

What would be your song if you were to run.

[Adam Carolla]

I like only women bleed by Alice Cooper.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. Oh, wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I would use. That's all I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'd use that. I could also use that. Push a little daisies and make them come up my ween, my ween. Mm, I like that song. That's one of my favorite.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe cut your hair, Pavement.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, Wait, how's that one go? It's another cut my hair song I'm thinking about.

[Allison Rosen]

Any cut your hair song is good.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Detachable penis.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm, yeah. Detachable penis is good because he found it at a kiosk or something. He went out and partied and he lost his penis. Yeah, I like that. And you know the Kenny Rogers song about gang rape? The coward of the county Take your.

[Brian Bishop]

Love to town yeah oh, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby oh, yeah and the coward of.

[Adam Carolla]

The county yeah, Ruby.

[Allison Rosen]

I can get behind any game have.

[Adam Carolla]

We broken down Ruby for you in a while?

[Allison Rosen]

No, not in a while.

[Adam Carolla]

It's been a while. Find some Ruby. It's. It's. It's the saddest song. Quietly, the saddest song on the planet. It's because it's sort of melodic, like. Oh, Ruby, Everybody's. It's. It's about your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hair. It's got this part to it. That's the part that's confusing.

[Brian Bishop]

Pecking and grin.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Ruby, are you contemplating going out somewhere?

[Adam Carolla]

He's an older dude, a veteran of the Korean War.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't know that yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's run. It's getting late.

[Brian Bishop]

All he knows is she's getting dolled up.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, she curled her tinted hair Tinted She's a painted lady.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Don'T take your.

[Adam Carolla]

Love to town and by the way, the podium would still be empty. Like I would not have entered. Right. You know what I mean? Crazy Asian war. I'd say most Asian wars are crazy, but I was proud to go into my patriotic children. And we found out he wasn't talking about Nam. He was talking about Korea. And yes, it's true that I'm not.

[Laszlo Gorog]

The man I used to be not.

[Adam Carolla]

The man he used to be. I think erectile difficulties.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I thought maybe he got his.

[Adam Carolla]

Ball shot off, something like that. But even though he can't achieve an erection, he still needs some company.

[Laszlo Gorog]

I still need some company.

[Allison Rosen]

Perfectly understandable.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Starts really taking a turn. A man whose legs have bent and paralyzed Bent, paralyzed. Stepped on a bouncing Betty and the.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Won'T send the needs of a woman your Age, Riviera.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, because she's hitting our sexual peak. How old do you think she is?

[Adam Carolla]

She's probably like 22.

[Allison Rosen]

She's got a while ago.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way. He's gonna die momentarily. Won't be long. Like, could you. Could you at least refrain from your whoring and tell him in the ground.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Don'T take your love to turn.

[Brian Bishop]

He gets it, though. He knows.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he understands.

[Laszlo Gorog]

She's leaving now. Cuz I just heard the slamming of the door.

[Adam Carolla]

Still not at the podium, by the way. The way.

[Laszlo Gorog]

I know. I've heard it slam 100 times before.

[Adam Carolla]

There a lot of pouring. Yeah. A large amount of town horing.

[Laszlo Gorog]

I can move.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd get my gun and put her in the ground. Not exactly sweet talker.

[Brian Bishop]

I can move.

[Adam Carolla]

He can't move. He can't.

[Allison Rosen]

So he's like quadriplegic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Don't take your love to time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then he really is begging at the end.

[Allison Rosen]

Why does he want to keep around if he wants to shoot her?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a mixed message, for sure.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the passion between them.

[Adam Carolla]

God seeks. Turn around.

[Brian Bishop]

They're staying together for the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

I do like, in every good Kenny Rogers song, he stops singing.

[Brian Bishop]

Rogers song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he just stops. He goes, God's sake, turn around. At a certain point, like, when is an in Canada county when, you know, Becky Sue's getting gang raped by the Dalton brothers. He's like. And there are three of them. Anyway, he's done singing. He's talking now.

[Brian Bishop]

No, he's serious. He breaks. He breaks verse.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the Gatlin Brothers. Yeah. One of the greatest moments of my life is when I was interviewing Kenny Rogers and I was like, in Count of the county, you got the Gatlin brothers gang raping Becky Sue. The Gatlin brothers were a pretty popular act back in the day, A country act. And he's like, yeah, I know. I toured with them. And I was like, well, in Carrada county, you say there were three Gatlin brothers. How many Gatlin brothers were there in real life when you were touring with them? And he's like, three. I was like. And you name the gang rapists, the Gatlin Brothers after you were touring with them? Yep. Like, you know, I just call them the Johnson Brothers or something. It wasn't uncomfortable on the tour bus. Hey, that song, that's number one. That has the three brothers who gang raped.

[Brian Bishop]

Crank it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Ralph Biggie Smooth. Yeah. Couldn't have gone with another name. Had to go with the fucking Gatlin brother. Thanks. Thanks, boss.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a tribute.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a tip of the cap.

[Allison Rosen]

Shout out.

[Adam Carolla]

People think we're gang rapists now. We're now known for our gang raping instead of our hit making. All right? And it was funny when I was talking to Kenny about it, he was like, yeah, yeah, it's funny. I don't know if he was, but he wasn't. It was still unclear whether it was like a direct, like, hey, man, I'm gonna fuck with those guys, or. Or it was just a kind of Gatlin Brothers. Sounds good to me. Either way, he did not try to stop it, I guess, is what happened.

[Brian Bishop]

I would love if it was a good natured thing like, oh, they put me one of their songs. They sing about going down to the casino with their buddy Kenny. Put them one of my songs.

[Allison Rosen]

Which one has an opening?

[Adam Carolla]

Gatlin Brothers. What rhymes with gang rape? Anyway, he just. Yeah, he stopped and he goes, there are three of them right in the middle of the song. And when I found out there was three Gatlin, you know, Gatlin Brothers, I think two, but there was three. All right, let's. Let's wrap up that news for now, shall we? Sweetie Petey.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen, sponsored by LegalZoom. All right, Sydney Barge. I'm guessing her last name is Barge, but I have to figure it out. Is on the phone. Sydney, hi. How do you pronounce your last name? Barge.

[Sydney Bard]

Yep, Bard. That's exactly how it's spelled. A lot of people get it confused.

[Adam Carolla]

How come I keep saying that hard? Hold on a second. I run into this a lot in my life where I go, it's. It's. It's Barge. And they go, yeah, it's Bard. And then I go, oh, so it is Barge, is it? So that's not Barge. No, you're pronouncing, right. It's Bard. And they're saying something that sounds different than what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

It does sound.

[Adam Carolla]

I have B, A, R, G. She seems to be pronouncing it Bard.

[Brian Bishop]

Is there some sort of regional accent with a D?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it is Bard.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's Bard. Like the poet.

[Sydney Bard]

Like a poet.

[Brian Bishop]

Shakespeare.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so it isn't. It isn't with a G. No, no. What? A typo on one of my pieces of paper. Unheard of.

[Sydney Bard]

There's no G involved with my last name.

[Adam Carolla]

All right?

[Sydney Bard]

Or any of My names, for that matter.

[Allison Rosen]

Sydney.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Sydney Bard.

[Sydney Bard]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

How are you? Sweeter. You are my 200,000th Twitter follower. And we thought we had a safe idea. Thanks, babe. Now you're 22 years of age, you live in Vermont.

[Sydney Bard]

I'm moving to Brooklyn soon, so not for long.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll alert the media.

[Sydney Bard]

Please, everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

You're cosmetologist. It sounds attractive. Usually cosmetologists are attracted. Was she a great big fat person?

[Sydney Bard]

Well, I didn't hear that part, but yeah, I'm okay looking.

[Adam Carolla]

You're easy on the eyes.

[Sydney Bard]

Not too bad.

[Adam Carolla]

You also follow Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber, Alec Baldwin. Boy, I feel like there's some range there. Sarah Silverman, Daniel Tosh, NBC's the Voice, and Katy Perry. How the hell did I make it onto your radar?

[Sydney Bard]

I mean, I guess special. I don't know. I don't know. I like funny people and I feel like most of those people are pretty entertaining. And I like to hear, you know. I guess living in Vermont makes me. Well, maybe doesn't necessarily make me, but I see bigger things in the world and I like to see other people doing better things with their lives than I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, sweetie, you're only 22, you're hot, you got your cosmetology degree and you're this close to moving to Brooklyn, right?

[Sydney Bard]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on over there in Brooklyn?

[Sydney Bard]

You know what I mean? My friend was living here. He was in a band. I met him in Vermont. He's not here anymore. He let me down. It's exciting. I like New York. And the city's pretty expensive and Brooklyn's not as bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, city's insane.

[Allison Rosen]

Where in Brooklyn are you?

[Sydney Bard]

You know, where is that? I'm looking for a place. I actually have a friend living there, but I don't exactly know where she is either. I just found out today that she's looking for people to move into her apartment.

[Adam Carolla]

22 is a weird age because you're.

[Sydney Bard]

It is really weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Very weird. It is weird because you're technically an adult and you're out on your own and you're able to make your own decisions, but your mind is much closer to where it was when you were 15 than it will be when you're 35.

[Sydney Bard]

I totally agree, but I am the greatest 22 year old ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? This is great.

[Sydney Bard]

I am the greatest.

[Adam Carolla]

What's so great about you, Sydney?

[Sydney Bard]

Everything. No, I just. I actually feel more mature for my.

[Adam Carolla]

Age than I really am. Do you have a boyfriend?

[Sydney Bard]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not? Why wouldn't the world's greatest 22 year old BE hooked up with a dude?

[Sydney Bard]

Because I haven't found anybody good enough yet for me.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not good enough for you.

[Sydney Bard]

I actually did just meet a guy who's really great though.

[Adam Carolla]

And is he the world's greatest 51 year old?

[Sydney Bard]

He's the greatest, richest 85 year old ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sydney Bard]

Waiting. I'm waiting for him to kick the bucket.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that about him. And when, like, if we hooked up, would you give me facials and things like that? And could I get. Yeah, obviously.

[Sydney Bard]

I mean, don't you know every cosmetologist loves the facials?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, like, would you, would you work on me? Would you do my eyebrows?

[Sydney Bard]

Absolutely. Absolutely. I love manscaping and it's great. Like on a bad day you have to whack a man's back. It's perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's sweet. That probably get old pretty fast. The bloom would come off the rose once.

[Sydney Bard]

I mean, you could get over it eventually.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're going to move to Brooklyn at 22, you're the world's greatest and life just one big interesting sort of experiment that's just unfolding in front of you, right?

[Sydney Bard]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. Second. Yeah, I remember that feeling of like, hey, what are we doing next? You know, that sort of. I could remember when I was 22, like somebody coming up to me going, hey, man, they're paying like 28 bucks an hour for dudes to work on the pipeline in Alaska. And me going, 28 bucks an hour, When's the next train leaving? And like, where's Alaska? And like, let's do it. Like, there was never any, like, well, how am I going to explain this to my wife? Or what about the kids? Or I got a mortgage. It was just sort of living out of a suitcase.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Everything was open at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. A lot of possibilities. Not in a good way. Sydney.

[Sydney Bard]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

See, the good thing about you is you look to be an attractive woman and you can always meet a dude. And that dude can always be what I would call your safety net. He's a parachute. Maybe not a golden parachute, but at least a parachute, you know, if things don't work out close enough.

[Sydney Bard]

A silver parachute.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If things don't work out too well for you. Yeah, you can, you can always get by on your looks, you know, just marry a dude.

[Sydney Bard]

Yeah, well, you know, people get offended when I say I'm gonna marry four times the first three times are for money, the last time for love.

[Allison Rosen]

But no, she's ahead of you. She is the one.

[Adam Carolla]

You've worked it out because I, you know, I talked to Donnie about this all the time, which is, Donnie and I lived together when we're 21, 22, and I was always sort of unhappy, and Donnie's like, what do you mean? It was the greatest time ever. Like, we're smoking weed and having fun and doing whatever. And I was like, I know. But I always had this nagging thing in the back of my head that said, you'll never have car insurance, you'll never have health insurance, you'll never be able to have a mortgage, you'll never have a credit card, you'll never be able. Forget about supporting yourself. How are you going to support kids, other people? You're going to a wife.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you never kill Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're never going to be able to do anything. Donnie was like, ah, rip another bong load. It's cool. And Donnie's thing was, A, he had a better disposition, and then B, he had a family unit that was sort of around. Like, they offered something like, you're not going to completely follow me. Like, look, you'll be a homeowner one day. Don't worry, we're not going to let you rent until. Until you hit the ground. My family was so scattered and gave you a sense of, you're on your own, buddy. And there were such losers, and I was such a loser. I always just had this feeling of like, my God, I'll never have a credit card that's not a secured credit card. So I couldn't enjoy it when I was 22. But, Sydney, you figured a way around this. You're going to have a party and then marry three dudes and then the fourth for life.

[Sydney Bard]

The fourth time I'll probably be old and just, like, ready to, you know, finally ready to settle down.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, thanks for. And what got you to follow me.

[Sydney Bard]

Yeah, I just think you're hilarious. And, you know, I try and follow interesting people on Twitter and I have a reason for following people when I follow them on Twitter. And so I just. I mean, you're hilarious and I found your Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that about that one. Well, look, here's hoping I can be the third husband.

[Sydney Bard]

Oh, my God, please do. Yeah, you could be the third and fourth if you want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, we could do one of those Richard Burton, Liz Taylor remarry things. I'm excited. Always works.

[Allison Rosen]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

It always works.

[Allison Rosen]

Whatever didn't work the first time is bound to be fixed the second time.

[Brian Bishop]

I love how she said exactly. Like she knew who you were talking about. Like she had any idea who Richard Burton is.

[Sydney Bard]

Yes, and excuse me, I knew.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew. Well, she knows Liz Taylor and she.

[Sydney Bard]

Could do the math.

[Adam Carolla]

Sydney. All right, so I'll see you in somewhere between eight and 14 years.

[Sydney Bard]

Yeah, no, that sounds perfect to me. Just, you know, bring your wallet and your credit card and I'll be excited.

[Adam Carolla]

I will. You bring your cuticle stick and your chemical peel, sweet pea.

[Sydney Bard]

I bring my scissors and my nail polish and, you know, I'll cover up your gray hairs and we won't worry about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like a touch of gray around the ball. I mean, around the temples, around the balls.

[Allison Rosen]

They make your balls look more distinguished.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Dignified. All right, thanks.

[Sydney Bard]

I'll leave it looking natural, don't worry.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you for following me, Sydney. Of course.

[Sydney Bard]

Thanks for being, like, letting me be on your show. It's fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Good time. Spread the word. Well, there you go, Sydney. So we've accomplished our mission. Kim Kardashian, the Biebs, Baldwin Silverman. It's an eclectic, eclectic group. All right. We are going to beat the citywalk this Thursday. Tom Poppa, Marriage ref. Coming back for a second season. By the way, I did it season one. I'm guessing I'll probably come back at some point. Also Thursday the 14th, Bryan Cranston, Universal City. Walk the Cranston back up on stage. That is cool. You can also check us out. And check me out doing standup. Velvet Jones, Santa Barbara. This Friday, two shows. Tickets available this Friday. But it's a small, intimate little club. It's a 300 seater and I haven't played too many of those in a while, so get those while they last. And let's. Let's play a little. Oh, also, San Manuel Indian casino. Coming up, July 7th, Paul Provenza waiting in the wings. Shall we play another little clip of Laszlo? Yes. Yeah, last clip. The stock market had just crashed in the early 20s. He was working at a bank over there in Hungaria, and now he's focusing on being a writer. And all you guys that are interested in doing something for a living, especially if it's a little more than driving a truck. Listen to old Laszlo speak about becoming a writer and just how much effort and how much time was involved. And you could imagine how little money at the beginning. As a matter matter of fact, zero at the beginning. But I think it's our fifth installment of my grandfather in his own words.

[Laszlo Gorog]

In 23, I lost my job and I didn't get another one till about 27. But in the meantime, I knew from way back in high school that I had talent for writing and I started to write. First I wrote poetry, which they. At 18, one of the leading newspapers published one of my poems, you know. And later on I tried my hand at one place and I was successful. It seems I could do it, but it took me long years to be a step to really learn that it shouldn't be just a fluke that I happened to write a clever little play to learn what it takes, you know. That took me, I don't know, five, six years of constant trying and trying and trying and failing and failing, you know. And I remember when I submitted my first play to a theater, the man who was supposed to read it said to me, tomorrow evening, come back. And I went back tomorrow evening. And for half a year, every evening he told me, tomorrow evening. And I went back every. That was my job. After dinner I walked to the theater and there he was and I'm sorry I couldn't be, and so on. And finally he read and he said he liked it and they produced it and it was fairly successful. But as I said, this was in 2027. It took me about five years before I could rely. And it is a source of income.

[Interviewer]

What was it called? What was the play called?

[Laszlo Gorog]

It's difficult to translate because Love Correspondence was the verbatim title. It was sort of not well known, you know, Hungary. There were many illiterate peasants, you know, and the Budapest little maids and the little soldiers. Peasant soldiers couldn't write. So there was this little bar where there was a young man who was clever with his pen and for a book he wrote a love letter to your lover, you know. And that was the background and so on and so on of the first play, How Soldier and the Peasant Mate come, each asking to write a letter to their prospective lovers. Sat down, started talking and then went back and says, we don't need the letter anymore, you know, they fall in love with each other. And this was one of the lines when the letter writer said, but how come this face? As we got used to each other, which is a peasant expression, what can we do? Anyway, this was my first play and the second, the third, the fourth was all rejected. When finally I established myself and then I started getting good and getting a name until toward the end of the 30s came the anti Jewish sentiment. Hitler was on already and the Hungarians followed suit. 1 Anti Jewish law after the other. Finally, I had to write under a pseudo name, or am I really non Jewish writer's name? And I had to give him half of my royalties and so on. And then it looked to me that this was going. I was going to lose even this.

[Interviewer]

What pseudonym did you write under? What pseudonym did you write under?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Oh, all kinds. I don't even remember. I just invented the theater. Knew it, you know, because we had to go to the theater and they told us, yes, we like it, what name? And they agreed on a good Hungarian name which didn't sound Jewish.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a good gentile friend named Locks Begelman who he convinced. Yeah, you see, this thing of everyone thinks in show business that everyone just sort of lands where they land. Like, well, you knew this guy or you met that guy. It's our fault for going. What was your first big break? What was your lucky break? They said lucky break a lot of the time before break. And it's like, what do you mean? What lucky break? He's hammered away for five years. He got nothing. Then he sold his first one, and then he didn't sell his next five. It's like, what break are we talking about here?

[Allison Rosen]

Everyone who came out of nowhere was actually working for 10, 15 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Just hammering away and getting better at what they did. I'm sure he was probably no good at the beginning, and at some point he got good.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, every break is by definition lucky because things break your way. But it's how you prepare yourself. Right? Like just sort of set yourself up to take advantage of the good things.

[Adam Carolla]

It shouldn't. I don't think it's proportionate circumstance. I think we do everyone a disservice by calling things breaks. There's a certain amount of luck involved with a lot life, which is. Yeah, you weren't stillborn. And at any given time, any one of us, while we were sitting at an intersection with our parents, who, when we were six years old, could have been cleaned out by a drunk driver and either killed or put into a coma or put. Made into a quadriplegic like the guy from the Ruby song, we could be bent and paralyzed. I mean, yeah, there's a certain amount of luck involved with living and breathing, but. And yes, you can be unlucky. You can. You, you know, you can have situations where, you know, when I went to go train one of the guys to box, I could have gotten Michael the maintenance man instead of Jimmy. Jimmy Kimmel.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's exactly what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

And I would have Gone another direction. But it doesn't matter. I would have found another way. I mean, something else would have happened, as it would have happened for anyone who had a certain tenaciousness when it came to their. Whatever. My grandfather's play could have not gotten picked up by that particular theater owner. He still would have found his own way. And I'm sure Oscar Wilde and anyone else would have as well. Or any actor who'd been, you know, rejected from his first 25. I mean, there's always a break for every actor. Like, oh, but what if you didn't get this role as well? What if you'd gotten one of the first 25 you'd gone out for that you didn't get? You can apply. What I'm basically saying is this. You can apply that rule to just about anybody. A president, an actor, a guy who owns a law firm, anyone in a position of success. You can go, yes, but if you hadn't met this person at that cocktail party on that day. Yes, of course, of course. But consider. Considering that's pretty equal for everybody. I mean, everyone's gonna. Everyone's gonna bang away for years, and then something will happen. I didn't meet Jimmy the first time I tried comedy. I'd been doing it for almost 10 years with whatever the opposite of a break is. Like, just nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

A thud.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, a thud. So whatever it is and whoever it is, the moral of the story is just get out there and go get some. And just go do. And if you're worried about the payday, get out. Because you're not going to get paid for a long time, usually. And you do it. I'm guessing my grandfather wrote because he wanted to write, not because he thought he could get paid. But if he thought he could get paid and didn't get paid for five years and quit, then he never would have gotten paid.

[Giovanni]

All right, that was Adam Krill, show 599. Come up next, we have Adam Kurl, show 601, featuring the hilarious Tim Minchin, Alison Rosen, and Brian Bishop. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

And also, evidently, Charlie Sheen did steroids.

[Adam Carolla]

He knows my name, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Chuck Lorrie does.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

How do you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Because I know an executive over there at. Where's he at? NBC.

[Allison Rosen]

Cbs.

[Adam Carolla]

Cbs. I mean, cbs. And about four or five months ago, they were talking about, hey, who can we get to replace Charlie? Someone said, how about Adam Carlin? And he laughed, and he never stopped laughing. But that meant he'd heard my name.

[Brian Bishop]

See, he thinks you're funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what it was the mere mention of your name.

[Allison Rosen]

You brought him glee.

[Brian Bishop]

Set him into hysterics.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Pulled a rib, actually cracked a rib.

[Allison Rosen]

Laugh, some hearty laughter that is truly side splitting.

[Adam Carolla]

We're. By the way, we don't disappoint in the disappointment department as a society, do we? Like with the Ashton Kochi kind of thing. Like, isn't it always going, all right, sort of about your first thought, not inspired. Like it'd be fun to get like a really, you know, I don't know, Tracy Morgan or something, you know, crazy.

[Allison Rosen]

Or fuck it, have that gay hating retard hating.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, Grinch. Well, yeah, but that's a few months ago. The old Tracy Morgan just hated white people.

[Allison Rosen]

He busted up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm just saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Would have been good. They were in talks together.

[Adam Carolla]

Something a little more anything. I like Ashton Kutch. I mean, he's a nice guy, but not interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a subtle difference between when you hear the two names going, oh, and going, oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like you going, hey, I got the first pick of my fancy football league. I'll take Tom Brady. Like, nah. All right, not inspired. Probably smart, but no one's going to go, ooh, did you hear what Brian? It's just kind of.

[Allison Rosen]

Would you have taken it if it had been offered you?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm sure. Just because I would have been a surreal experience and it would never be offered to me in a gazillion years. But I'm just saying, I don't know, pick somebody and they really could have gotten anybody just about. And that could have. Could have been interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

I did love his work in Dude, Where's My Car?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

So good.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

Charlie Sheen did steroids during Major League. The filming of Surprising because he's such a sober living, clean kind of guy. Yeah, but I liked Major League.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

These news stories include my opinions of movies that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you the tay. Big mistake I made was after playing in a celebrity minor league, like hardball game or something, the first baseman, like Santos or whatever his name is, a crazy black guy, was into Pedro Serrano. Pedro Serrano? Yeah. Dennis Haysbert can't swing a baseball bat, really, to save his goddamn life.

[Brian Bishop]

How long ago Was this?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, 10 years ago. Oh, in the movie, he was 14 years ago. He could not. I played a hardball game with him. He cannot.

[Brian Bishop]

I swing a Batman kind.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this wasn't time. This is 13, 14, 14, 15 years ago now. I mean, he Was still. He was 38 years old or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Time has not been kind to Pedro Serrano.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what time. I swear. I think he did. I played in this game with him like three years after major league or five.

[Brian Bishop]

1990.

[Adam Carolla]

1990.

[Allison Rosen]

Have not been kind to him.

[Adam Carolla]

This was probably 95, 94, 95. Me and Jimmy were playing and he couldn't fucking swing a bat. And I swung a much better bat than he swung. But he was one of these athletic guys. It's probably. Didn't play. Probably played soccer growing up or something. I don't know what the deal was, but I got the payback when we got in the shower.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, he went up to you.

[Adam Carolla]

He went up every dude in that fucking stadium. I don't know what we're thinking getting in the fucking shower with that guy. But, you know, all things being relative, not the dude to stand next to.

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

In the shower.

[Allison Rosen]

Because the other guys will totally laugh at you in the shower.

[Brian Bishop]

You wanted Corbin Burns.

[Adam Carolla]

I will not mention any names there, but there was a guy that, you know, we played in the game with us, and he was. He did not have what I call a good gym dick. Yeah, some guys hang a little better than others.

[Brian Bishop]

He may have been a grower, not a shower.

[Adam Carolla]

He was one of those. And at some point crossed paths with Serrano over there. And not a good. Not a good test.

[Allison Rosen]

Who has the best Jim dick besides him.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the one you use that's the best Jim dick. Hold on. Thank you. The more, you know, big schwimmer on that.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a preschool in Sweden called Igalia that wants to avoid using words or is going to avoid using the words him and her. And instead will address their students as friends because they don't want to ram gender bias down their throats. Society except expects girls to be girly, nice and pretty, and boys to me, manly, rough and outgoing, says Jenny Johnson, a teacher there. Egalia gives them a fantastic opportunity to be whoever they want to be, right? And then also the staff, just like CB Savage. And also the staff is trying to help children discover new ideas when they play. And here's a quote. A concrete example could be when they're playing house and the role of the mom already is taken and they start to squash. Then we suggest two moms or three moms and so on.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me just tell you this, as I've always explained this process to people anyway. But now I did a little experiment, a very expensive experiment. It's called having twins. And I have a boy and a girl and they're five now. And my daughter wants to wear everything shiny, wants to put on makeup, wants mama to do her hair, wants to walk around with her American Girl doll. Wants me to have tea with the American Girl doll. Everything about the nail polish and the sparklies and everything's got to be pink and everything's got to be fluffy and everything has to be. Is really like. I mean, she's almost, she's essentially a transvestite at this point. You know, she, she's a cross dresser. And I mean, she has like, it's almost a fetish with all the pink and all the Barbie and all the dolls and all the everything. And the boy is all about the trucks and the tank engines and the this and the that. And you know, he, he loves himself some, all the superheroes and all the Iron man and all the Thor and all the Spider man and if you. And it happens on occasion, they have their little placemats. He has his speed McQueen placemat with the race car on it and she has her, you know, Barbie placemat. And God forbid, I'm making him breakfast and I set his bowl of cereal down on Natalia's Barbie thing. He just looks, he'll point at and go, remove this. I can't have. You're contaminating the bottom of my bowl with this bitch. And it's like, oh, someone must have swapped him around or something. Just, just eat your cereal, sonny. No way. Get this bitch out from the bottom of my fucking bowl, old man. I'll throw this fucking thing right in your face. It's like freaked out. Cooties will not touch. Get it away from me. There has never been a discussion with either one of them about any of this. As a matter of fact, I would like my daughter to tone it down a little bit. She's going crazy with the fucking hair and the makeup and the nail polish and all. And it has been since the fucking word go. And him with the tanks and Thomas the Tank Engine and the pickup trucks and all the stuff. He's been at it from the word go and no one has said fucking shit to these two. That's who they are. That's exactly who they are. Why?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you should ship them off to Sweden.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? We've decided it's so evolved to knock that out of them. What has evolved about that? I don't understand what is so fucking progressive? I mean, you're not going to fucking rest until there's a. In my son's ass, are they not going to sleep.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not going to.

[Adam Carolla]

I will not. Let's drink some beers and rape. I'm just saying he likes his fucking cars and tools and his action shit and his figurines and she likes her dollies and her dresses and. Is that such a bad thing? The fuck.

[Allison Rosen]

See, the thing is, I understand not wanting to impress upon little kids that you have to be this way because you are this or you have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Be this or this is anything on them.

[Allison Rosen]

But to. I just feel like they are going too far with trying to wipe out any suggestion of male or female. Because the truth, I mean, that's like a biological thing. We have different organs. Yes, there are some people who are in between and it's got to suck to be them. But I. But for everyone else, I don't think they're really bristling at the fact that they are a boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing that drives me nuts is these people. They take almost all their cues from nature because they're not religious people. I'm an atheist too, and that's one thing I sadly share with these dicks. And they do a lot of. In nature. In nature. And whenever they're trying to talk about gay marriage or something, you know, there's gay monkeys and gay owls and penguins. It's like, okay, you take all your cues from nature. Good, let's stay on nature. They have male species and they have female species. They do very different things.

[Allison Rosen]

Look at our friends, the ducks.

[Adam Carolla]

Ducks, that's right. They look very different, they act very differently and they have different roles. Mama duck does this, daddy duck does that once in a while, gets caught on videotape and it gets fucked over. But the point is they do that. And no one would ever say anything about it. Like, well, in the pod of nature, you know, in the whale pod, then the mama teaches the cub how to. How to calf, how to hunt, and the father goes ahead. But whatever, you're going to get involved. You got to get a ship and ram the daddy and tell them to get back in with mom. And why shouldn't mama go out and lead the thing and daddy could teach it? No, you ass white hypocrites, never say a fucking word about that. So again, you love nature. Nature's smart. It has a perfect design. How about you shut the fuck up, take a page from nature. Lay down the narcissism for a second. We're just another creature that's roaming the planet. The ones you love so much, the ones you tout so much. The ones you want to protect so much. The ones that have the wisdom just sort of instilled in them. And that's us. That's us. That's just us. With a department store guy goes and buys himself a dump truck. Chick goes over there and buys a dress. That's nature. Leave it the fuck alone. Stop trying to bend it to your will and let's move on with our fucking lives. Would we already? And someone tell these assholes to shut up.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Hey, assholes, shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. That was the news with Alison Rosen. Sponsored by LegalZoom. All right, we've been playing a series, which is my old grandpa, Laszlo Gorog. And the tape that was made, that was the guy made from all the folks that passed through ellis island in 1989. He was born in 1903. I'm looking a picture of me and him on the porch. I think our arms are interlocked.

[Brian Bishop]

I was gonna say. I love that your arms are arm and arm.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that, man.

[Allison Rosen]

You are leaning.

[Adam Carolla]

He is a good man. All right. This is just a recording that dude made at his house. I think when we last left off, he was gonna migrate or immigrate. See him on Nature. Now he's gonna immigrate to the US. World War II is coming. Here we go.

[Laszlo Gorog]

You see, in Hungary. Well, again, this is history. I don't know whether you are interested in it. Joseph II was an enlightened monarch. He was the first who ordered the Jews given names. Because before that the Jews had only their Hebrew names. And so and so, son of so and so. And every Jew was given a name. And because he was an Austrian monarch, all Jews got German names. That's why we have so many. Gross and Schwarzenegger, Klein and Finkelstein and so on and so on all over Europe. But in the end of last century, Hungary celebrated its thousand years anniversary as a Christian kingdom. And there was an outburst of patriotism. And people, even the non Jews, with German names, started changing their names. And by the time I arrived on the scene, my original name was Gutman. You couldn't write under such a name. That's why I translated it Korag, which has nothing to do. It means Greek. But it's a nice Hungarian sounding name. So the great Hungarian playwright Ferenc Molnar was Neumann originally. You know, he had to change it also, and so on. So that was the background. But I was a newspaperman also worked in a newspaper who had a Jewish owner. And in 38, because he was Jew. The license was taken away from him. So he lost the paper, I lost my job. So then I started inquiring how to get to America. And it went to the consulate. And on the door there was a sign.

[Adam Carolla]

Burbank airport.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Hungarian for 40 years. So I knew I couldn't get to America because for 40 years I would be dead. So I decided to visit, to go as a visitor. And somehow while I am there, you know, I will be out in the west anyway. So Hitler cannot reach me.

[Interviewer]

Could you say that line again? That Hungarian quota filled for how many years?

[Laszlo Gorog]

40 years.

[Interviewer]

Could you tell me that little part again?

[Laszlo Gorog]

40 years. Because the yearly number of Hungarians that were admitted to the United States was 800 compared to 25,000 thousands English. Only the English didn't come then yet, you know. But anyway, Hungary. And it was when the anti Jewish laws came. The 1 million Jews were in Hungary. They of course, went to the consulate. Everybody wanted to go. So 40 years was filled in a week. And it was hopeless. So finally I wrote to my second mother's son, second mother's brother, who lived in New York to send me an affidavit. He didn't know me, I didn't know him, but he sent it. And then I went to the consulate. And there was 39 World Fair in New York. And I was still. When I applied for a visitor's visa, still had a job as a newspaperman. I said I was going to report the World's Fair. And they gave the visitors visa. And when I came out in 39th, July or June, I don't remember. Doesn't matter. Anyway, in three months the war came and I couldn't go back, so they couldn't kick me out. They extended it every six months until 41America and Hungary entered the war. And no more Hungarians could come out. So they took the 800. A Colta who lived already out of Hungary. So I had to go to Hungary. So I had to go to Mexico and come back as a legal immigrant.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Grandpa lied. Coming over in San Diego, in Mexico. Mowed my lawn for a number of years before he finally got his paperwork.

[Brian Bishop]

Realized he was a grandpa.

[Adam Carolla]

Finally. Hey, old man. You missed it. What? What? Tear rolled down my cheek. We hugged.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, then you sent him back out to do your lawn.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Grandpa's. Are rolling into World War II.

[Brian Bishop]

Finish that lawn and come back inside. Have some lemonade. Finish the hedge first.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. We will take ourselves a quick break. Tim Minchin, our guest, is here. Standup comedian Tim Minchin. We'll take a quick break. Back with Tim next. Don't miss Adam Corolla when he comes to.

[Giovanni]

All right, there's Adam Car Show 601. Coming up next, we have Adam Car Show 604, featuring the legendary Billy West, Allison Rosen and Brian bishop. Coming from 2011 with even more, the lotsy tape.

[Adam Carolla]

I got into a semi four argument with somebody in front of me. These fucking arrows. Where's Mike? Is he over there? Mike, Seriously, we're so fucking stupid as a society. People are so fucking stupid and so out of it and they're so fucking confused. I don't know. Brian, sit down. We have these arrows, these left turn arrows. They turn red when they turn green and then they turn red. But this one turned green and then did nothing and just turned green. And then when it was done, like it should, when it was done, it just went back, it just went away. So now you're free just to look at your signal and turn left accordingly when it's time and safe to turn left. Most people only do one car per. They don't do the two cars per when it goes to nothing. They get confused somehow. They hang back or something. And the guy was out in the intersection and then my guy was behind that person and the arrow stopped and then it just went to the regular green signal and then it cycled. And the guy just sat there while the one car turned left. And I gave the honk and the guy gave the. What do you. What do you want from me? What do you want? What do you want me to do? And I gave. Turn dick. You're supposed to turn and then go. No, no. And then he held up one finger. Held up one finger, middle finger. No, it was like. No, it was like a big foam one. I'm the number one shittiest driver in LA is what he's saying. I'm number one. He held up, he held up the one finger and I said, I said, no, not one. Two. I gave him the two. The two. It's two per. This keeps happening to me. And I don't know if there's something that I don't know. I don't know if it's being spread around. I don't know what this thing is. This fucking signal turns to nothing. It's the same as every other intersection. Two cars. It was just. He was, he was timid. He was driving a Prius. Maybe he didn't think he could make it. Yeah, so he give the one finger and I gave two dick. And he Gave the one. And we're getting to this weird hand.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you. I would have been so confused with what you guys were communicating.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what rule does he know? And then, of course, 100 yards later, we pulled up behind another pussy who wasn't turning right, and I tooted on the horn, and they just went. And then I just went right turn.

[Brian Bishop]

Arrow.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this was. This was literally the next interview.

[Brian Bishop]

Turns to nothing. I'm confused. I'm not following.

[Allison Rosen]

From the green arrow to just the green signal. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, Just turn.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. That goes away. The lights green for everyone else to the lanes to the right of you. For you, it's. It's green arrow. And it goes away, and it becomes green for everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it just goes away. No, no, not that one.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I've definitely seen that. When you said goes to nothing, I didn't if you meant goes to red or goes to green, like, for everyone. You know what I'm saying? Sorry, we said go to nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, if Allison knew what I was talking about.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a fair point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Pet scan tank.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, dude.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm understanding at a retard level.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you've been very generous. I'm getting unfair and unfair to those people. So, anyway, I should say Mike got to experience the majesty of driving with me. I prefer to drive the first time. That's true. I move people along, though, don't I? Why do I have to fucking put a cow catcher on the front of my car? Why can't people just fucking drive in this town? Like, every time I give my toot and go, go, turn right, they go, oh, okay, I guess so. Why don't they want to get where they're going? That's the part that drives me insane. Where the fuck are they going that they don't want to get there?

[Allison Rosen]

Home, maybe?

[Adam Carolla]

It was 10 in the morning.

[Brian Bishop]

The cow catcher is really poorly designed for catching cows, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's more of a cow crusher. Cow killer. Cow cutter. Cow cutter, yes. Sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

Cow mover.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. With Alison Rosen. Sponsored by LegalZoom. All right. Hey, a lot of people been asking about this Amazon thing and what's going on and the franchise thing and all that stuff. We don't know what's going on with Amazon. There's a lot of questions to be answered. And yes, Are we. Are we stymied by what Governor Brown laid down here? Yes, we are, temporarily. But we will have up very soon. And we have other affiliates we can now deal with and Amazon may make a comeback as well. So it's all sort of up in the air and I'm glad you guys have been asking, I'm glad you've been supporting. There is something called Groupon and Groupon is. It's a local thing and it's coupons and discounts for just about anything you want. And it's a way to support the show and save money. I'll just put it to you that way. It's no different than Amazon other than. Well, actually you get to save even more money than you did on Amazon. Just for clarity, it's not local to us, it's local to wherever you are.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, group nationwide.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry I said local. I did mean it's local for you, not local for me. And I screwed up on that screw pond. It's nationwide and you can go to ann kroll.com and you can click on it. I think it will be up and running Monday. But I'm just giving you the heads up that if you supported us in the past and you were amazing about that and you would like to keep supporting us and save money, by the way, locally, then you go to Groupon and we'll have it up on our website. So look for that and we'll continue the party. Now I'll play a little snippet from Grandpa Lazi's memoirs which I miss, haven't heard for a while. Again given to me by a listener. This is recorded. It was like the Ellis island edition. Somebody came to my grandfather's house when he was in 1989. He was born in 1903, so you can do the math. We spoke about his life. He had about an hour's worth. We broke it up into four or five minute chunks. I think World War II was just heating up in Hungary. He is a Jew and well, you can now hear the rest of his saga.

[Interviewer]

Could you tell me a little bit about the atmosphere before you in fact applied to leave for the United States? The atmosphere in Hungary as anti Semitism began to reveal itself?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yes, well, again, I can tell you my own emotion. I was very fearful. There were demonstrations, you know, most likely organized by. By the fifth column, which already existed in Hungary. You know, people running around in the main boulevards yelling death to the Jews and throwing bricks into the Jewish store windows and so on. So I knew that sooner or later there will be big trouble. And. And I did never dream about what really happened later. I just thought that the individual life was going to be certain that we would be slaves and we'll be beaten and so on and so on. And that was the general atmosphere among Jews. And I had very many non Jewish friends, colleagues, you know, who said that I was crazy, I should stay, they would protect me and so on. But of course nobody protected anybody there because it was the Budapest Jews. The Jews of the country in Hungary were all taken Germany and killed all of them. When I say 100%, I don't mean there were a few survivors, you know. Budapest was protected by the regent who had friends among the ex Jewish Hungarian aristocrats. And allegedly his wife had some Jewish blood. Anyway, all he didn't have and he protected the maid with Hitler that the Jews can stay in Budapest and he will give the country Jews. So the Jews were safe until 43, 44, when finally even Horthy realized that Hitler lost the war and made a speech on radio asking the hunger to turn back home. And the next day the German army arrived from the sky and Horthy was taken a prisoner and taken to Germany and the Nazi Hungary. Salasi was his name, became the head of the country. And that day it was free hunting. For in other words, there was no law. Jews could be killed on the street without any consequence. And they were these kids, they were sometimes 14, 15 year old kids with machine guns. They rounded up the Jewish tenants and buildings and they took them to the Danube and machine gun them into the river, you know, by the hundreds and by the thousands. But this was sort of not law. Nobody told them to do it, but it was allowed. Not only tolerated, but encouraged.

[Adam Carolla]

And now you hear about what's going on in Israel. Really, what the fuck can people understand? There's something called antisemitism and that it's practiced all over the world and especially in the Middle East. I mean, what would you call those folks? Tolerant? Oh, they love all religions. They just want to peacefully practice their own. They're fucking anti Semites. They want to kill Jews and they want to kill whoever's the closest Jew. And they start talking about land and borders and all that kind of stuff. It's really about hatred of the Jews and killing the Jews. And I understand that they're idiots. They have a horrible, horrible ideology and they're, you know, several thousand years behind the rest of the world. Fine. What is it with the industrialized nations and the educated nations that sit here and don't understand it, that sort of think, well, they must have done something. What is it with Jimmy Carter? Does he really Think the Jews could do something that would satisfy the Palestinians? They're antisemites. They've always been out there throughout time. They don't like Jews. I understand it. They're pain in the ass. But you shouldn't kill them. And this is what happens. The Jews tend to stay together. They do a nice job, they make a little money, and they end up shaming all the other people around them that aren't doing as well. And those other people want to kill them. That's the problem.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, the Jews run Shamesburg.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Mm. They're running Shamesburg. The mayor of Shamestown. Well, maybe they turn it into Burke.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. What are you saying, Allison?

[Allison Rosen]

I think they're just gonna shorten the.

[Adam Carolla]

Name to just listen. I'm a fucking. I'm an atheist. I don't have a drop of Jewish blood in me. I really don't. That's my step grandfather. But I can see what's going on in Israel. It's not Israel that's causing the problems. It's Palestine. All the fucking anti Semites around them. Can we just start calling them what they are?

[Allison Rosen]

Antisemitism. I mean, you know, people who know me and I've talked about it on here. I didn't know I was Jewish until I was 22, which everyone is surprised. I mean, I can't even explain how this happened, although that is what happened. And my whole life, people were saying to me, oh, come on, you're Jewish. I'm like, no, I'm really not. And it turned. I mean, it turned out I really was. Yeah, that will. That. You can smell it. Smell it coming off of me and see it all over me. Sure. You know, and I've got the horns. Top of my head and stuff. Anyway, though it is because of anti Semitism that I was raised that way. I mean, in a fairly misguided way. I think my dad thought that somehow we would be safer if we didn't know we were Jewish.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it couldn't.

[Allison Rosen]

Weird fear reaction.

[Adam Carolla]

It couldn't. Hoyt, as your people would say.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I just feel like, then, okay, let's also change our name, though. Like, don't send someone out there named Rosen who's walking around saying, she's not Jewish, because people will just laugh at her.

[Adam Carolla]

It is insane. And again, somehow, the liberal left in Hollywood has turned against Israel, and they're all Jews.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like they're too young to me.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't get it. They're a nonviolent, productive People, and they're just the last. They're an island of sanity in a sea of insanity. And we've decided to beat up on them. I've never been to Israel. I don't know anyone who lives there. I'm not Jewish. My family's not Jewish. I don't give a shit. But I do see things pretty clearly, and I don't understand why we don't understand this. All right, all right.

[Giovanni]

Those ADAM Kroll Show 604 come up next. We have Adam Kroll Show 608. Lou Pizzaro, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, 2011 Morlotti.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so this is Grandpa. And the only fight I ever got into is this guy Chris said I pulled my sandwich out, that my grandfather packed me lunch because I slept over at his house, and I slept at his house. He was a normal guy, and he was like, I'll pack you a lunch. And he packed me a lunch. And my buddy Chris, not the Chris you guys know, another Chris, he said, hey, man, can I have a bite of that sandwich? And I said, all right, but just one bite, right? And he said, yeah. And he took it and he did that sort of thing. That's where he shoved the entire thing into. It's just like mashed the whole thing into his mouth. And I kicked his ass because them's eating words. And what kind of sandwich was it? I don't remember, you know, knowing my funky European grandpa sandwich, head cheese and goat something. But nah, he. Yeah, it was like a ham sandwich or something, but Right.

[Allison Rosen]

By a Jew.

[Adam Carolla]

That guy was. That guy Chris was dead before his 25th birthday.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's. That Chris.

[Adam Carolla]

And then his brother was dead before his 19th birthday day. Got a weird one, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

I got two sons.

[Allison Rosen]

That's sad.

[Adam Carolla]

Both gone. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

From heart attacks.

[Adam Carolla]

No one was car rolling over. Could have been some booze involved. Don't know. And the other one was probably aids, although no one exactly knows that one either. So that's. That was. The guy ate my sandwich.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, hey, at least he had. At least he got the sandwich.

[Adam Carolla]

Cosmically, yes. So Grandpa is talking about antisemitism heating up in Europe. He's in Hungary getting ready to head out to the States. Here we go.

[Laszlo Gorog]

My family still lived there in America. We didn't know for a long while about the real situation, you know, and then when I found out my sister lived there, my brother lived there, my nephew, my father and so on. They survived. They survived. My brother was a clever man, and he used the friends Papers, non Jewish friends papers. And moved into the non Jewish part of Budapest and pretended to be an old Hungarian peasant stuff a young man and so on and the rest of it. My sister got a passport from Switzerland and one from even Franco in Spain. Gave protective letters to Hungarian Jews and the Vatican also. So they, my sister and her son survived with these papers. Twice they were taken by the young Nazis. And somehow they could talk the Hungarian old policemen into letting them go back, you know, and somehow they survived living in the cellars, you know, because. Because by that time, you know, even the Nazi youngsters had to live in cellars because we were bombing and the Russians were used artillery. They were so close.

[Interviewer]

What actual incidents did you personally experience in this period just before the war, before you left, regarding anti Semitism?

[Laszlo Gorog]

I did not accept losing. I did not. I never looked Jewish. Nobody on the street would immediately spot that I was Jewish. So I never had any first head experience. But it was even in the mid-30s. A friend of mine who was Jewish looking, very powerful young man, the street course, by accident he stepped on somebody's foot and said, I'm sorry. And the man said, you are sorry. If we were in Berlin, you wouldn't survive this. And he said, if we were in Tel Aviv, you wouldn't survive this. You see? So this kind of a thing, David, I think I cannot talk louder than this airplane. Anyway, there was one saying that on a streetcar somebody said that economic situation is very bad because of the Jews. And somebody remarked, end the bicyclists. And somebody said, why the bicyclists? And this one said, why the Jews? It was just as, of course that still exists even in the United States. You know, people think believe that American money is in Jewish hands. Ford is not a Jew. Manhattan bank is not in Jewish hands. Even the movement industry people think he's Jewish because the producers are Jewish. They are paid by New York big banks, non Jewish banks, etc.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, Grandpa, you know what I like about that guy too? When someone said, tell me about your experience with anti Semitism. He went, I didn't get bothered that much. Yeah, most people would have. People looked, I was shunned, you know, like they would internalize it somehow, right? He kind of went, yeah, people were being killed. But I didn't get bothered that much. Which is kind of nice because he had a nice opportunity for some complaining.

[Allison Rosen]

Pretty non Jewy of him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, very unjewy.

[Allison Rosen]

That's why maybe it wasn't really a Jew.

[Adam Carolla]

And for a guy who escaped, you know what he Escaped and who used to, you know, had like my sister married a German guy and stuff like that and didn't have a beef.

[Allison Rosen]

He didn't even flinch when the guy spoke.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, he didn't. One time when the guy went to scratch the back of his neck, my grandfather did a shoulder roll and jumped out the patio window. But other than that, his age too.

[Allison Rosen]

Terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, oh yeah. Very nimble for a man his age.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of Jews legal zoo. Well, sometimes what they say, there's Jewish lawyers.

[Giovanni]

All right, those Adam Krull Show 608. Coming up next we have Adam Krill Show 609 featuring Jana Robinson and more latte.

[Adam Carolla]

Jana Robinson is here. Hollywood high tech, name of the show that came in and they did a lovely number on our place. Just put in all sorts of high tech gear.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, we're not done yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Not done yet. But the good news is for those who are listening, that's going to translate into a windfall for you, Jenna's hard work and our, I don't know, due diligence is going to turn out to be more gadgets for Donnie to play with. More switchers, more mixers, more robotic cameras. High definitely. So you can see ingrown hairs on my neck. It's going to be awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

5:00 shout.

[Adam Carolla]

And speaking of family, my grandfather, we've been playing a series. Some fan came up to me to show and he handed me a disc and he said this is an interview done with your grandfather in 1989. Now as I said, we're Corolla. So it wasn't my real grandfather, it was my step grandfather. Only guy I ever knew, the only grandfather I ever knew. Loved the man deeply. And this is him. He was born in 1903 and he's still alive. Not now, but during the interview in 1989 he's alive and he's being interviewed about his life. Coming from Hungary as a Jew and coming to the United States, really. And this guy handed to me and it was part of it, it's a picture of him up there, part of his like Ellis island collection. And I was so intrigued by it. I just thought my rule was always in radio was if I think something's cool or I'm intrigued by something or it's caught my attention that I will share it with people. So we've been playing just little five minute snippets at a time. And it starts off with him.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, as a young. Starts off with him as a young boy in Hungary growing Up and then becoming a young man and an adult and getting ready to leave for the United States. Wow. When his Hitler comes to power in Europe. So I think that's where we're going to take it from. Just about five minutes.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

So Hungarian action.

[Laszlo Gorog]

When I arrived it turned out that any visitor who wasn't as first class was not allowed to land. That was my first introduction to democracy. That because I was a tourist class only I couldn't go to New York. They told me I had to stay. And when the immigration officer, he came on the boat before we landed, as you know. And one of the old waiters who I could speak German but not English, he interpreted me. And the guy asked what is your name, nationality? I said Hungarian. And he says what is your religion? I didn't know that this was not in the questionnaire. They couldn't ask you religion but he has. And I said Jewish. Then you are Hebrew, he said and crossed out Hungarian. This was the second message. Later on I inquired, I knew the name of this man. I found that this man was Jewish, a Zionist. But anyway he wouldn't let me go. And they didn't send me that evening to Ellis island because then the boat ship company would have to pay my dinner, my room, my breakfast and so on. And it was cheaper for them to keep me on the boat all night. And they just hired an American custom guard who I was the only one, all the other Jews were allowed. But I was visitors and they were immigrants. And this old soldier was sitting in front of my room. And again another thing, you see that during the trip in this boat, even tourist class, the most delicious food, you know, fruit and everything, you know. But when we landed I got a big plate, potatoes, piece of meat, gravy, you know, the sailors dinner. I wasn't a customer anymore. Next morning two custom officers came and took me to a car. And I was sitting the two, they had guns and I was told I was going to Ellis Island. I had no idea about my fate, but I just, I didn't know what to think. And we arrived in Ellis island and took me to this huge room which I knew because a few months before there was a very important Hollywood picture released about Ellis Island. And I saw and I recognized every place and this, it was so well known to me from the picture.

[Interviewer]

Do you remember the name of the picture?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yeah. And I was told to go to a little elevation platform and sit there. And I was of course switching. I didn't want to be sent back.

[Interviewer]

So do you remember the name of that picture.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Beg pardon?

[Interviewer]

Do you remember the name of that picture?

[Laszlo Gorog]

No, I don't. I can't remember the name of it anymore. Anyway, so then a woman came and gave me a piece of paper and I looked at, it was in Hungarian and it said, greeting from the American government. Don't be afraid, you are not a prisoner, you are going to be heard. And very beautiful, reassuring piece of paper, you know. And I sat there until my name was called and I went into a room with a judge and an interpreter. That was the other relief, that there was a Hungarian interpreter, you know, and he just asked questions and I answered. I didn't lie anything, you know. And then my uncle's wife came in. She was somehow notified. They gave me, you know, and she said that she was willing to put down the $500 bond for me.

[Adam Carolla]

And the story will continue five minutes at a time. Crazy. And by the way, this is why we're better than everyone else as a country. Because we have little pieces of paper that are written in different languages that say, don't worry, we're not going to hurt you. That doesn't happen so much in other countries. Probably not a lot of what the fuck are you doing here? And here's what the end of a machine gun looks like. And here's an internment camp. Go ahead and hang out there for a while and then we'll toss you back to your shitty country. Yeah, we never stopped beating up this country. All the assholes who live here in Hollywood never stopped beating it up. But just go back a generation and listen, listen to the stories. By the way, all the ass wipes that are beating up this country had some version of this that came over here, that created this country and it's why this country is great. And yet they never stop kicking the shit out of this country. How about you shut the fuck up and appreciate what you have for 10 seconds in Hollywood.

[Allison Rosen]

If you want anyone in Hollywood to.

[Adam Carolla]

Have any Oliver Stone.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, come on, let's face it.

[Adam Carolla]

Celebrities, wait.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Celebrity.

[Adam Carolla]

Hugo Chavez, your best friend, would have welcomed my grandpa with open arms. Him and Fidel Castro, oh, they treat their countrymen like they're gold. They kick the shit out of their people. They're horrible, horrible fucking people. Hollywood kicks the crap out of people Good, they deserve. They're all a bunch of narcissistic self entitlers. They're dicks and they hate this country. It's not that they love those other go to Venezuela. And by the way, good, get the fuck over to Venezuela then. Go ahead. I'll go. Go to Venezuela. Go to Cuba. Hey, Sean Penn, go to Cuba. Go enjoy. Go live. You'd be fucking shot in those countries. Go enjoy yourself over there. Yikes. They never leave. Do they ever leave? No. They never leave Santa Monica. No. Why don't you leave Malibu or the Palisades or shut the fuck up. How about that?

[Allison Rosen]

Listen, they like to speak their mind.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't love this. We live in a country that we have freedom of speech. Please, come on, do another rail and go to fucking Venezuela. We don't need another shitty sequel. Now, where were we?

[Giovanni]

All right, that was Adam Kruller, show 609. Coming up next, we have Adam Kurolla, show 610, featuring Eddie Pevtone, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop and even more, Lazlo Gorek.

[Adam Carolla]

In his own words. Eddie Pepitone's waiting. I think we're going to play another Cl from Grandpa's life. There's a guy got kicked around a little. Still managed to ask my grandma out on a date.

[Brian Bishop]

See lots of new.

[Adam Carolla]

Still got hold of Helen Gorog. What was her last name? McCall. I think she had a couple different last names. It was confusing. She was also Patillo back in the day. I think that was her family name. Anyway, there's Grandpa sitting, making a little barbecue, me next to him. When we left off, I think he was in Hungary and he was getting ready. Things were heating up. They're making some juice stew over there. She's feeling the heat.

[Allison Rosen]

Some Julia Base.

[Brian Bishop]

Hitler was making some juice too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it was time for him for that Jew to jump out of the kettle. So let's pick it up.

[Interviewer]

So tell me about actually departing for the United States.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yeah. Finally I got the visa. I was lucky. I was married and I couldn't take my wife. This was the hostage for my return. And the consul, the American consul, when he told to me about going, and I had all kinds of letters that I had jobs yet and I worked this and that and so on. And he said that he knew my name because he used to go to the little theater I worked for. And I said, why did you go there? You can speak Hungarian. He said, yes, but I, like everybody was laughing and I was laughing and he gave me the visa. That was a huge luck, you know. And when I could not take any money out of the country, I was given $14 by the state and I could buy a ticket for a German boat, Deutschland. And I was given 50 mark vulture to spend on the boat, not to take to the United. So this was my fortune. I couldn't speak English. I wanted to be an American writer. I had $14, 50 francs to be spent on the boat. So when I went to the railroad station with my friend, family and friends and the theatrical people, you know, I used to work for, you know. And I remember that the dream was there. And on the steps was an elegant young man with an elegant lady. And the man said to the woman when he saw this, goodbyes and crying and so on. One Jew less. It's good, you know. So this was the message, the goodbye message from Hungarian. Hungarian person. It's good. Won't you less. So, of course, my passport said I was Jewish. And I had misgivings in Germany, you know, in Hamburg, I had to rent a room in a hotel. But they didn't say anything, you know, they rented the room and I boarded the Deutschland, which had swastika up there. And it was a strange situation because most of the tourist class, I was tourist, were Jewish. And you know that there was a swastika flag and they got kosher food if they wanted. Because it wasn't Germany. It was a Hamburg American line. It was business.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird. All the Jews with the swastika flying on the boat. What a time.

[Brian Bishop]

He calls his wife the hostage. But he means collateral, right? The collateral coming back. He left to leave something there in order to ensure that he would come back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I guess when the collateral has a heartbeat, it becomes a hostage. But yeah, tomato, tomato. We didn't speak about her too much, by the way, later on in life, it's a little unclear.

[Allison Rosen]

How long have they been married?

[Adam Carolla]

How long had they been married? Again? She wasn't brought up that often. We didn't talk that much about us in general. We mostly talked about other things like how great American Indians were and how bad white people were and that kind of stuff. But we didn't really how much. We hated Nixon and Ford and Charlton Heston and stuff like that. But we never really talked about ourselves, especially that topic. Because he was married. He took off. I don't. I mean, he was relatively young and I. It didn't seem like he got married at a young age. He didn't have kids, so it would stand a reason. I would guess probably somewhere between three and six years. And I don't know what the fuck was going on. But when he left, he left. And I don't know if she was rounded up and killed by the Nazis or whatever became of her.

[Allison Rosen]

It was never really discussed because people were able to get those Records.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he found out that his brother Bela and his sister Bougie were able to sort of. They were smart and they got papers and they kind of bounced in and out of camps and things like that and ghettos and stuff. And they were sort of one step ahead kind of thing of the train. And they stayed around. So they probably had some idea about what happened to. But he got on his boat with the big swastika on it, bound for Ellis island, and that's why this country is so fucking good. All right, Eddie Pepino. And by the way, the guy interviewing him sounds like Robert Downey Jr. S character from Born Killers.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Natural Born Killers.

[Adam Carolla]

Natural Born Killers, yeah. Weird Aussie interview kind of guy.

[Giovanni]

All right, those Adam Krull Show 610 come up next, we have Adam Krull Show 615. Brendan Wayne, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. This is the pent, ultimate clip from the Lotsy tape. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

I cannot fully explain how hungry and how desperate I grew up. I could not. I cannot underscore that enough. I was possessed.

[Allison Rosen]

You were like Oliver from Charles.

[Adam Carolla]

Worse.

[Allison Rosen]

Worse than Oliver.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. All I did was like, work out, play football, run around, swing a hammer, do construction. Like, I would literally dig a ditch. Eight hours, just eight hours of digging ditch or swinging a pickaxe. I was like. I was in a chain gas gang and I had no fucking money. I never had a penny. And my family never had any fucking food in the fridge. And I was obsessed and insane. I told you. I entered a pie eating contest in high school and took the pie home. I ran with it. I didn't even eat the pie. I just stared at it and nibbled on the edges for 10 minutes while some fat guy buried his face in it.

[Allison Rosen]

You just waited till you get up on that top bunk with it.

[Adam Carolla]

And at the end when Mrs. Tomi started screaming at me, throw it away. She was so pissed off at me for fucking with her pie contest. It was a big, you know, big one of those lunch quad, you know, activities. She was so pissed off that I'd beat her at her pie game and ripped off her pie. She was yelling, throw it away. Throw it in the trash. Throw in the trash. And I was like, I can't. And to throw it. And she said, give me that tin. And I literally, like, broke the pie in half, held it in my hand. She took the tin. I had like a. I had a pass to go home for lunch. There's about 14 minutes left for lunch. And I ran home holding handfuls of pie and went to like a crazed raccoon and went to my house and started chugging milk out of a jug and eating the pie.

[Allison Rosen]

So what kind of pie was it?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it was apple, but I can't be sure. I know it wasn't pumpkin that much. It wasn't cherry. I know what it was. It wasn't pecan, it wasn't minced meat, it wasn't lemon meringue. So I was nuts. And Donnie didn't like food back then. I mean, it was a weird thing. Like, he literally didn't care for food, right? And he would go to throw a pie in a chick's face and I'd tell him, get a fucking pie tin and put some shaving cream in it, you know, Three Stooges style. No, we'd go to fucking 4 and 20 and get a good pie. And I'd be like, just go to Lucky supermarket, get one of those pieces of shit. Store bought ones with msg. Like, no, no, he go get a good pie. It was like a $9 pie. So I would beg him, no, don't do it, you know, and he'd be like, don't touch that pie. That's for Melanie. You know, and he'd be like, sitting in the fridge and I'd be going insane. And when he did it to our friend Daniel Chaykin, I ate the. Off the driveway. I mean, I went with him. I was. I went. I kind of went with him because I. I was either either Daniel's house, Danielle's house, or I went with Donnie to get the pie, you know, after.

[Allison Rosen]

You were micromanaging the pie from afar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So after he got her with the pie, I was like, I'm picking up this pie. I picked it right off at Chaykin's driveway. And she had a. You know, it was asphalt too, concrete. Oh, God, there's a lot of shit in it. I took what I could back into her house, cleaned it off to help mop up her tears, ask her where the forks were, and I got about half, I'd say about two thirds of the pie.

[Allison Rosen]

I got two questions. Did the pie have a crust on.

[Adam Carolla]

Top or was it really usually crusted pie? Oftentimes.

[Allison Rosen]

And my second question, did he throw it from afar or did he smush it into their face? Oh, and my third question. Why?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, there's a lot of why around Donny.

[Allison Rosen]

I know, but specifically, what's the genesis of this? How did this.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how this one began, but Donnie Decided it was a good idea.

[Allison Rosen]

It's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Word got around. And you don't dump Donnie. It worked.

[Allison Rosen]

You think that women didn't dump him because they were afraid of getting pied?

[Adam Carolla]

Been with his lady for coming on 20 years now. Donnie had crabs. You know what I'm saying? You tell me, missy.

[Brian Bishop]

Proof. In the pudding or the pie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And what do you do with, like, a weird mutual breakup?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, that's just a fruit cup.

[Allison Rosen]

At least there are rules. So the TSA is making changes to its body scales, which are technically called Millimeter Wave Advanced Imaging Technology Machines.

[Adam Carolla]

The fucking tsa. I was coming out of Canada, I had all the shit in the Ziploc bag. You know, all the toiletry shit.

[Allison Rosen]

3 ounces.

[Adam Carolla]

If there really. If there was one thing you're traveling with that you really didn't want in a clear Ziploc baggie for the world to see, it would be what's in the toiletry bag? Isn't that the one kind of like, appointment I. You know what's weird about the toiletry bag? Even the used toothbrush and the semi spent deodorant and stuff all feels a little bit, like, invasive to me. Like, it all feels like, this is my bathroom, everyone. Yes. Tom's of Maine. Yes. Powder scent. Yes. That's what. Yes. I use the gel.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a powder scent.

[Brian Bishop]

It's antifungal. It's annoying, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. No, but you know what I'm talking about. That what's in your medicine cabinet.

[Allison Rosen]

Preventative.

[Adam Carolla]

It just feels vulnerable. Makes you feel kind of weird. And so the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't have dandruff, just. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

You just. Not anymore. Not since I started on Celsius Blue. Here's the thing. Take something like just the clear sandwich bag that you're supposed to put your toiletries in. I have traveled all over this country in the last two years. I travel with Mike lynch and Mike August and Donnie sometimes. And first off, every airport is completely different. Half of them is. Do you want me to pull out the sandwich bag with the shit in it? No, why? Then on the way back it's. Sir, we're going to need you to remove from your toiletry bag and put it out where we can see it in a separate ban. And whatever it is, we traveled. Now, this is Mike August. He's clinically brain dead. We traveled for one year, one year last year. And at the end of the year, I said, yeah, I think I need one of those clear Ziploc bags. He Said, what for? I said to put the toiletries in. He said, what? I said, my. This has been going on for five years now. I mean, on and off, to be fair to you, but five years, first I've heard of it. It must be great to be that fucking out of it, by the way. But first he'd heard of it. So it's either it's so half the time it's in, half the time it's out. Just when, just when you get two times in a row or three times a row where they need it in the plastic clear thing, then you'll go eight times in a row of them not needing it in the plastic clear thing. The point is, it is meant to fuck you up. It is like a parking meter where you put in a quarter and half the time. You get an hour and a half and then sometimes you get four minutes and then sometimes you get three days. Of course you're going to get a ton of tickets. The only way you can sort of train people is through repetition and being consistent. Taking the shoes off, taking the belt off, whatever, with the toiletry bag. Once it's straightforward, like once, once it's easy to understand, then everyone will just get. It'll get into the muscle memory and everyone will just move along with it. But they keep fucking changing it up.

[Allison Rosen]

They're keeping the terrorists on their toes regarding toiletries. But anyway, so the body imaging scanners, though, now have new software which is supposed to be less invasive.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened to Taboo 2's theme, by the way?

[Allison Rosen]

It displays possible security threats on the same generic image of a person. So think of when you use a public restroom, you know, if it's a man or woman based on that figure, it's like, sort of like that, but then a little thing will light up saying, you know, possible danger near the leg. So now that'll be looking at the same man or woman image always.

[Adam Carolla]

I, by the way, would like a designated just the government decides on like, you know, when you go to a restaurant, health and inspector comes by and the health inspector's like, well, this guy's one. Mayonnaise can't be below 120 something degrees. But this other guy's mayonnaise is, can be different, can be left out for a longer period of time, or this can be this way, this restaurant, and that way it can be that way. Restaurant. No, they just have a universal code, right? It is a code, it's a health code. Doesn't matter if you're doing Mexican food or Thai food. There's a code. I would like that for the bathroom door. I don't need the ninas and the chitos.

[Allison Rosen]

Seriously, am I a desmos wal?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I. I really. Yeah, I like, am I gaucho or a nino? Like, and I'm just like, staring at it. I'm going, I sure. I swear to God, I cannot.

[Allison Rosen]

Dough or a fawn?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's too artistic. And I got a buzz on and I got a piss and I don't got time to do this math, right?

[Brian Bishop]

And you're like, that alligator's got a bull with. Yeah, that alligator has got lasso. I don't know which one that alligator looks like.

[Adam Carolla]

He's wearing a skirt. But this could be overalls, could be a kilt.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, that's a very masculine thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, employees only. Is that men or women's?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't dig that. I don't either. When I got a piss and I got a buzz, I don't need to stop and do your cute math, right? Especially when we're. You're in some whatever themed restaurant and. Or it's one of those, you know, Thai or Spanish or whatever. Chinese. And I gotta do the fucking math. By the way, I will say this about Chinese. They don't usually around with that kind of stuff. There's a picture of a dude and a picture of a chick. Even the chick and the dude aren't far enough apart for me.

[Allison Rosen]

No, they really aren't. Because a lot of chicks don't wear a line skirts like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a chick from. I mean, it's a chick from 1953, right? Yeah. Yeah, let's mix it up. Oh, there we go.

[Allison Rosen]

So wait, go back to the photos. The generic body image photos, though. They look like little doe people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, we'll take a look at that.

[Allison Rosen]

So this is what. Mm, well, you could imagine they look like pills. Like. Yeah, Pillsbury Doe. Men and women. And they also look scary.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they've seen my cock 121 times. Glad they changed it.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe that's just the front and the back of the same man. Or woman.

[Adam Carolla]

I got pulled out for upper bunk chafing.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't mean to pin you guys down here, but how could you be on your stomach masturbating in an upper bunk? Unless you're on your knees, very gentle. Or are you. Is there. What are you rubbing against, though?

[Adam Carolla]

There's an imaginary vagina. There's a handful of dudes. I ain't one of them, but there's a handful of dudes that does their grind work. Like. Like literally just grinding away on a box spring or something. Yeah, I mean, they, like, grind away. There's the pillow.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, so there's a pillow down there. There's something approximate.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't. I don't know. I'm not a grind grinder, but there are grinders.

[Allison Rosen]

If you gained weight, you could never do it.

[Brian Bishop]

This music is great.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. Because the listener had to make it himself. There's no way. Can't find this. Anyway, thanks to that listener. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It makes me want to buy something.

[Adam Carolla]

From tv Cavalieros and senorita. Sorry. Go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

I wonder if young, young senors are ever called senoritos or I wonder if that would be an insult.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, but it sounds like a lovely snack.

[Allison Rosen]

Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for between 15 to 20 million dollars for using a lookalike model in their new ad for super cute jeans.

[Brian Bishop]

When I saw the ad, I said to my wife, is it Kim Kardashian to Old Navy now looks exactly like her.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it worked on you.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you sue? I guess you sue where you go. Hey, we'll put the same. We'll do her eyes up with the same kind of makeup. We'll do her hair up like that's. That's where the lawsuit comes in.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Well, what she's saying, basically, is that they're trading on her look and her whole image.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I understand that, but if someone looks like you, they look like you.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? But they. She's saying that they purposefully did.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what. How about you leave the joking to Adam? No, I understand what you're saying.

[Allison Rosen]

You make a joke.

[Brian Bishop]

No, you look like Teresa.

[Adam Carolla]

You most definitely did not break your streak. Still intact, baby. How about you leave the joking to Adam? Yeah, there's bleed. When I finally did, the argument that the lawyers for Kim Kardashian are going to make is they'll show 100 pictures of her with that eyeshadow on and her hair done that way, and they'll go, that's her makeup artist. That's how she did her makeup. But I don't know if you have a lawsuit just because somebody looks like somebody.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, get. And to add insult, Melissa Molinaro, who is the lookalike, is now currently dating Reggie Bush of the Bush and the Tush, the one who used to, you know, go out with Kim.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? I don't get that. I want to fuck something that Looks almost like the thing I was fucking a year ago.

[Brian Bishop]

He has a type, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess. But it's just like he already did that. Didn't you do Reggie?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it is weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I did see that Old Navy commercial, too. Jumped right up on the upper bunk and got to business. And I wondered, is that Kim Kardashian? And then I realized now it just kind of looks like her.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Well, there she's saying that the ad is using Molinaro to evoke her identity and Persona.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Allison Rosen]

And she's also really mad that Old Navy keeps referring to her in tweets like this one. Cbs. So this is Old Navy tweeting this. CBS News reports that Old Navy super cute star looks like imkardashian. Lol. What do you think? So, but it's great publicity for them.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think they're gonna win this one. Especially since she doesn't rap. Does Kim Kardashian sing? I would say if there's, like, this sounds like her singing or something like that, then you really got a case.

[Brian Bishop]

I wonder if she only brought the case to just point out that, hey, that's not me, because there's no impersonation going on here.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Maybe it is now, Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, here, you still thought it was.

[Brian Bishop]

Her half of the. Through the commercial, I realized. But there was a good 15 seconds. Wherever it was, I was like.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian was, well in his room, refractory period, by the time they got out of the car. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So I feel raped in a way.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Like Melissa Molinari, or ever she is.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll never get that semen back.

[Brian Bishop]

I tried. Oh, I tried.

[Allison Rosen]

You know who would be the perfect litmus test? Larry. Because he loves Kim Kardashian.

[Adam Carolla]

They should drag him into Larry Miller.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. See if this one works on him.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what we should do? Hook him up to a tumescence monitor.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And show him the Old Navy commercial and see what happens.

[Allison Rosen]

See if he'll accept the fake kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Although I think he likes a lot of ladies.

[Allison Rosen]

I know, to be fair to Larry, what a slut he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Thank you. Keep going.

[Allison Rosen]

So, Adam, you know how you're always talking about cancer sniffing dogs?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Now there's a semen sniffing dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I started off with, actually, it's a joke, but I still meant it, which was venereal sniffing dogs. Well, because if you had a party and you're like a big time rapper, I mean, herpes is forever. Right? You want to get in a hot tub and you Want to get down. And you got a lot of chicks that quite frankly been around the block a few times, maybe been with Reggie Bush or at least a facsimile of Reggie Bush.

[Brian Bishop]

Or will be with Reggie Bush.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Or will be. And I said, you put this dog by the front door of your party and as the chicks all come in in the miniskirts, the dog's just basically sitting there and if it smells a crab or a herpe or whatever, a wart, you know, it starts chasing tail and she goes, a little separate party, you know, velvet rope removed. You go over here. Right? Believe me, that part is even better. It's just, we know who you are, you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think the dog could smell a potential outbreak?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Just if it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, here's what I've figured out. Everything has an odor attached to it. Almost everything and especially anything physiological has an odor attached to it. And if they can teach a dog, you know, they do this thing where it's like, well, that's a cocaine sniffing dog, That's a gunpowder sniffing dog. That's a marijuana sniffing dog. No, they're just dogs.

[Allison Rosen]

Menstrual cycle sniffing dogs, they're just. That's just a dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're just dogs and they'll teach them to sniff anything. And I started thinking, look, if they can take a joint and pack it in coffee grounds and weld it into a car fender and the dog can sniff that out, then he can sniff out a crab.

[Brian Bishop]

You think there's some hierarchy or some like coolness cache amongst the dog community. Like, well, I sniff cocaine personally. What do you sniff?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, yeah, yeah, I'm looking for pineapples brought over from Hawaii.

[Brian Bishop]

Could be worse. I hear Larry over there is a STD sniffing dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The point is everything has its own smell. And I used to do it with like, I used to talk about cancer. Like, you know, if you had lung cancer and you went to a dog, the dog was properly trained and probably tell you what was going on in there anyway. Sorry, go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, well, there now is a semen sniffing dog, the first one ever in southern Sweden. It's a three year old German shepherd named, and this is not the proper Swedish pronunciation, rapport opus.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's going to crime scenes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, he apprehended a 23 year old frat houses.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Imagine walking into a frat house, like just running in a circle, head just exploding like scammers back, his legs are in the air. Heading for the kitchen, stopping and sliding, going back into the bathroom in the.

[Allison Rosen]

Hallway, you know, like he's exclusively sniffing top bunks. He apprehended a 23 year old who forced a woman to perform oral sex on him. And he found the semen at the crime scene. So I'm not sure exactly the logistics of how he did it, but he was able to match the semen to.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the penis. Yeah. Ballistics cockistix, I gotta say. The forced blowjob, you know, I mean, I can't say that I wish that upon anyone, but that's power move there, you know what I mean? Because that could go wrong very quickly.

[Allison Rosen]

That's true. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a kind of a weird thing.

[Allison Rosen]

That's like someone turning their back on the tiger.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Like he really has her true train. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The force blowjob. I don't know how that works without some collateral, you know, I understand the force blowjob of I got your kid and I got a. I got an exploding vest hooked up to him and one click of this genie garage opener and the kid's gonna be eviscerated. So start sucking, baby. Not that I've thought about.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

This scenario.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Never. Not that there's any work going on on a vest in the back at all. But the point is, I mean, how's that vest coming? There's a vest with C4 in it. But this is nothing to do with this. The point is. Or the, you know, I got a gun, but the. Start sucking just because I'm bigger than you. That seems like a fairly tallish order, you know what I mean? I feel like you need something, right? Dangle something other than your penis in front of them.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? Like maybe you have someone there who's ready to bite her.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Oh, and by the way, Bald Brian, the comedy 30 minutes or less, which I now see commercials for everywhere on tv. And billboards for Z Ansari and what's his name and the guy who has.

[Allison Rosen]

To rob a bank, Jesse Eisenhower.

[Adam Carolla]

Based on a true story.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes, I missed that point. It was all over the news like three or four years ago, maybe four or five years ago. And the real guy blew up and he died.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was weird. As a matter of fact. You guys can look it up. I think there's even footage of it. But I mean, it was like, as I recall. And again, the story Is probably. You know what, it's probably about five, six years old, maybe more. The guy came out. Is there a move, by the way, if you're making a comedy and Danny McBride is not going to be in it, do you have to check with somebody first and then get permission?

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta clear it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, with the McBride.

[Brian Bishop]

With like the Hollywood, like folks you have, like. Listen, I think I'm making a comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Danny is in Toronto shooting a film right now.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I'm saying. I would like permission. I know it's unusual. I know I need an exemption for this. That's why I'm here. I'm thinking about not using Danny.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Danny's in Toronto, so we can't shoot your film right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know. I'm thinking about.

[Adam Carolla]

But you want to shoot now? I would delay the shoot until he gets back from Toronto.

[Brian Bishop]

It's sort of a scheduling.

[Adam Carolla]

He's shooting nine films in Toronto.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's. Every single other person on the shoot needs to do it now. Can I please. Can you give him permission?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Brian Bishop]

Can it be dead? I don't know if it's possible. I haven't read the bylaws.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, hold on. This is. This is funny. I thought for a second. This is good. Are you sitting, Alison?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought. I thought for a second. You're talking about making a Comedy without Danny McBride. Did it sound like that?

[Allison Rosen]

I thought it was a comedy he was proposing.

[Adam Carolla]

It sounds like it would sound like actually making a movie.

[Laszlo Gorog]

It couldn't be.

[Allison Rosen]

It couldn't be.

[Adam Carolla]

Danny McBride's funny.

[Brian Bishop]

I meant, I heard. Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Now listen, listen.

[Brian Bishop]

I wouldn't think about risking my status in this town.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, if you'd like to give Danny a credit, right, and pay him, let's say, his rate.

[Brian Bishop]

Just his rate?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, rate, plus some points on the film, plus the non mutual, non use. Then I can ask him if it's okay for him not to be in your film.

[Brian Bishop]

I can live with those terms.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Again, you would do that? Well, he's going to need top bill. Yeah, and there's going to be points on the back end.

[Brian Bishop]

It's given. It's a comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, that will be points on the gross, not the net.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

First dollar in goes to and then his rate. Okay, yeah, all right, I can help with those terms, but by the way, I'm not making any promises. Don't get your hopes back.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, this is just to present the outcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Mr. Bride is in A good mood. I can probably get a waiver sign. But hurry up and shoot, because if he comes back to Los Angeles and then he finds out he's not in one of your film while it's being shot, he's gonna be pissed.

[Brian Bishop]

Is there anything I can do to sweeten the deal? You know, when you present him with this, can I send along a batch of cookies or.

[Adam Carolla]

He likes. Well, he likes Crown Royal.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot. Yeah. All right. Yeah, so we'll see. Yeah. It's like, it's almost illegal to make a movie. Brian and I saw the foot fist way six years ago at the arclight.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. Four and a half or five out of 50.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, what is this movie? Who saw this movie and why is. Why are we watching it?

[Allison Rosen]

I've never heard of it.

[Brian Bishop]

In Danny McBride's defense, he is a one trick pony who does one trick really, really well.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, he does one thing and does it great.

[Adam Carolla]

But Will Carol saw the Foot Fist Way, his independent movie, and said, this man will be the next star. And thus it was.

[Brian Bishop]

That's almost the exact same character as he does in east down and the commercials for the shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

He does. Does it very well, but do we have to have the same seven people in every fucking comedy? It's driving me insane. All right. Brian Wells, bank robber. Can you read that out loud, Allison, please?

[Allison Rosen]

I can. He was an American pizza delivery man who was killed by a time bomb fastened to his neck, purportedly under coercion from the maker of the bomb. After he was apprehended by the police for robbing a bank, the bomb exploded. The bizarre affair was subject to much attention in the mass media. In a July.

[Adam Carolla]

He had an explosive collar. He was saying to the cops, like, please, it's not me. I didn't rob the bank. I was delivering a pizza and it blew his head off.

[Brian Bishop]

Now it's a hilarious comedy.

[Allison Rosen]

What's not to laugh at?

[Adam Carolla]

A guy on his fucking head blown off.

[Allison Rosen]

I remember the story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I do remember footage, too, where, like, the cops were, like, behind their cars. Like, it was sad because they were. He was yelling. He was saying, like, help me. And they were like, get away from us with your bomb.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And his head blew off.

[Allison Rosen]

Why explosive comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is there screwball comedy done about this?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, boy. So many hijinks on the way to explosion.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, anyway, all I'm saying is, George C. Scott, get ready. We got another trailer coming your way. All right, let's wrap the news for now.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. You did that with vigor. I like that. Legal zoom. Waiting for that perfect time to start your dream business.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

How about right now? Okay, yeah. Now, see, this is. Yes. And plus, you want to be smart with your cash, right, Allison? Yes. Your kind knows what I mean.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, we do.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. You want to keep the legal fees to minimum.

[Allison Rosen]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why I recommend LegalZoom.

[Allison Rosen]

What is that?

[Adam Carolla]

What is LegalZoom? LegalZoom is not a legal. It's not a law firm. They provide self help services at your direction. You can start a corporation or LLC for as little as. How much do you think they charge for a Corporation or an LLC?

[Allison Rosen]

A hundred thousand? 200,000? 500,000?

[Adam Carolla]

Funniest him wanting to make a comedy without Danny McBride. $99. 99.

[Allison Rosen]

It's less than 100.

[Adam Carolla]

Way less than a hundred dollars. A billion times less than $100. You want to save some money for even more. You want to save money on this?

[Allison Rosen]

Of course I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Then enter Adam in the referral box at checkout.

[Allison Rosen]

This is like a good plan.

[Adam Carolla]

It is an awesome plan. Start your business right, protect your family, and safeguard your assets. [e-mail]. what's that again?

[Allison Rosen]

Legalzoom.com.

[Adam Carolla]

That'S my girl. All right, we've been playing little snippets of Laszlo Gorog from the Ellis island project that was given to me by crazed fan. And I think we're in installment number 11. Now, don't worry if you've missed some of these, it's about an hour long. We're playing four or five minutes at a time. And at some point, I think we'll just release the thing in its entirety, in case you're interested. Now, it's my grandpa we're talking about, but I didn't know him during this ordeal. And it's the plight of a Jewish man who had a dream to be a screenwriter leaving Hungaria. Don't ever correct me. On air. Getting on a German boat with a big swastika flag on it and heading here. I think last we left off, he got here, but he had to stay on the boat. Everyone else had to get off the boat but asked him to stay. And again, never knowing if he was going to be sent back. And if you did get sent back, that was essentially a death sentence.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's pick it up.

[Laszlo Gorog]

I was taken to the first time to New York, a free man. Still frightened, Totally because you see this suddenly New York. You know what New York is? The impression on the subway, the noise, the strangeness and everything, you know. And my future. I had no idea what will I do when my. The 50 mark boat money. I bought a German camera, which my step uncle Razeldorf at his factory and he gave me $50. So that was my basic. But then I found out that the Jewish.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he got 50 bucks on the boat. On the. But he couldn't spend it off the boat. So he bought a camera on the boat and then sold it off the boat.

[Laszlo Gorog]

I think it was highest Hebrew internationalist or something like. Anyway, I went there with my aunt and they gave me $10 a week help until I can make money from that $10. I moved out from my aunt's home and for $20 with a friend of my rented room. So that gave me $30 for living, you know, so I didn't starve. That's how I learned to cook, because it wasn't enough for restaurants. You know what I remember from my childhood? I used to watch our cook.

[Interviewer]

What did you cook?

[Laszlo Gorog]

I cooked the basic thing. First I cooked the. It was called paprika potato. It's. You fry potatoes, you know, in little lard or butter or oil, you know, air, paprika. Then you add the potatoes with water and boil it. That's all. Now if you have another 10 cents, you buy a piece of sausage and put it in and boil it with that. And then it gets a nice smoky flavor and it's a total meal because the onion is vegetable, the potato is starch and the sausage is meat. And that's how I lived. And we found out that certain bars in New York you could go buy glass of beer for 10 cents. And they have a shelf with a few, you know, this and that, the pretzel and the peanuts and so on. So that used to be my lunch for 10 cents. I filled up on these little things until they noticed it and they told us to go to a restaurant to eat and so on. So that is about the adventure of my getting here. And then I found a man who was Hungarian origin. He was born there, but he could speak good Hungarian and he had a flare for writing. And he said he would translate my stuff. And we started doing my old Hungarian little plays. He translated and we were put. And we put it on the air in New York. A non sponsored station. In other words, we didn't get paid.

[Interviewer]

Do you remember what station it was?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Backward. It's a W W. My wife knows It's. It's a. It's a sort of a leftish station. I think it's wbai. Whose name does it bear? Do you know? Pacifica? I don't. I don't. But something w. I think my wife might know.

[Adam Carolla]

If she knew, she would have screamed it. You would have heard her voice booming from the other side of the well. So now he gets into Manhattan and he has a little help organization helping him out. Giving him a couple of ducats, by the way. I like those times when people couldn't really count so much on the state, but there were organizations that would come in and help people. I like that. It seems like they did a better job of it. And now here he is. He doesn't really speak English. He wants to be a writer. It's weird not speaking. It's one thing if you want to work with metal, you don't speak English. But being a writer, not speaking English is a weird way to go.

[Brian Bishop]

I will say off your point of you like when there was organizations that would help people. We give the healthcare industry a lot of crap, rightfully so. But there's a lot of organizations out there, private, that when I was looking for insurance or ways to pay for my treatment and stuff, they help you and. And that's their job is just there to sort of guide you in the right direction and give you advice and give you forms and help you fill stuff out.

[Adam Carolla]

Healthcare, kids are out there. I would say healthcare would be one of the number one topics, I'd say, second only to anything we do abroad that involves a military campaign where we never stop beating ourselves up, you know, we never stop beating ourselves up about whatever military campaign is going on abroad, yet we never really rape anyone or take any oil reserves or take the keys to downtown. You didn't casualties of war or do any of that stuff. We do a lot of spending money and then policing and then coming home. Most everyone else likes a couple of souvenirs once they conquer some place. But we like to just tidy up and then head home. But we never stop beating ourselves up about that. And second only to that is probably our healthcare system. I was uninsured for the lion's share of my life. And when shit went wrong, I would drag my carcass down to county USC and get some free whatever. And there was always. And there was clinics in Santa Monica when I used to live in Santa. There's a lot of free clinics. There was a lot of way. There are ways you could get things done. Yes, you'd have to wait in line. No, you weren't going to the Mayo Clinic and getting state of the art. Whatever. But try that in many other countries and tell me how it goes. And then we never stop kicking the shit out of our own pharmaceutical industry. There's money grubbers. Yeah, they're money grubbers. They want to make money. Just like the guy. Finished the bridge in 33 hours. Carmageddon wanted to finish this. I can't remember if I was doing a one on one. I was screaming about that. Yeah, but was I telling you about the other bridge? It took three years after the Northridge quake. No, the bridge they're working on is the one that goes to Ventura from Colfax.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Hmm.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I am.

[Adam Carolla]

You know that bridge?

[Brian Bishop]

No, but yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Anne, do you know where Colfax is?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I'm not. I don't sounds. I'm familiar with the 405, so keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a. Oh, show me a picture. Now, there's a bridge. The Colfax is one of the main streets that just runs into Ventura Boulevard. It's right. It's one, I don't know, east of Laurel Canyon. And it boxes in cbs. CBS Studios is on Radford and Colfax, right underneath Ventura Boulevard. That's where CBS Radford is. That bridge. This is a weird picture of it. That bridge has been closed off for over three years. I know because my nanny lives in a condo right at the end of Colfax. Right where the bridge is cut off and you can't get to her house. That bridge has been cut off for over three years.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It makes you wonder if they will ever finish whatever they're doing.

[Adam Carolla]

That is when we work on things and when you dangle money in front of people and go, hey, man, you gotta finish this or it's gonna cost you six grand a minute. Or we'll give you an extra 500 grand if you finish before whatever I am on Sunday gets done. This going on its 40th month and not finished. Find a good picture of that goddamn bridge. There's got to be a million of them anyway. We will take ourselves. Now, we got to find a good picture of that bridge. It's going to try me nuts. I've never been to Colfax. Huh. My elementary school was on. It's right in the middle of the sand. Well, I don't know if it's right in the middle of the San Fernando Valley. It's a little closer, but I. Allison, you're an Orange County Gal.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I am.

[Adam Carolla]

So you don't know. You don't know the vowel man.

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

This is sort of. Sort of studio city anyway now.

[Allison Rosen]

But I would like to see a picture so I could acquaint myself with the vowel.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's it. When it was over. Yeah. And it's the river runs right through it. As a matter of fact, the whole Robert Blake thing, that was like Robert Blake's house was right on the other side of that thing. And that's the studio.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that by the college?

[Adam Carolla]

Valley College? No, but that river runs right by Valley College too. It's right by CBS Radford anywhere where I did one of my failed sitcoms.

[Giovanni]

All right, those. Adam Kroll Show 615 coming up for our finale, Adam Kroll Show 621 featuring Schmo Snow and the finale of Velozi Tape. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll come back to me. I thought it'd be nice since we have the less the last installment of the Lazzi tapes. Grandpa Lazzi. And Brian was running a little bit late. That'd be a nice way to start the show. Shows put it up toward the front, give Brian a little time to make up some time and hear from Grandpa Lazzi. And again, this guy. It's one of those things, you do the math later on in life because when you're young, you don't know what certain. You really don't know what traits are attached to what people, what groups you just don't like. All the stereotypes in life don't really make sense when you're a little kid because you haven't experienced them and you haven't heard them.

[Allison Rosen]

You haven't gotten to the point where you realize they're true.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. The folks on the left would say the man rammed them up your ass. But stereotypes that don't make sense just confuse people and they never stick. If there's a friend of yours who you're making fat jokes about who's not fat, or stupid jokes, who's not stupid or late jokes about.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Or bald jokes, when a person has an amazing follicular setup.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's what they call it. You've got to open us a line. The point is when they. When that. That doesn't work. Like when you go, man, aren't Germans horrible drivers? And everyone goes, not really. I don't know what you mean. They got the Autobahn. And then it just goes away. It never catches on. But if you fill in the group that does make sense. Then three people nod their Head. And next thing you know, you have a stereotype.

[Allison Rosen]

Women.

[Adam Carolla]

When I was a. Oh, yeah, listen, there's differences. I thought the whole deal. Whole deal was to celebrate the differences. But we're never supposed to talk about what was good or what was bad about the differences.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like, celebrate the differences unless you're a white guy, and then just don't ever talk about them.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, also. So if there's differences, there's differences, right? So there you go. There's different breeds of dogs. They have different traits. Some are a little better around kids, some are better as guard dogs. Some are better at rooting foxes out of their holes.

[Allison Rosen]

You know which people make the best lap dogs best?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Jews. That's what I was going to say. Because my family. And my family was just a bunch of. Just sort of kind of white trash and apathetic and everything else. And then all. Yes, all of a sudden there were just like bloodhounds sleeping on a porch on a hot day in Mississippi. And then there was this one guy, and the one guy was like, let me cook for you. And then it was the one guy who'd say, where you leave, you're going, take a sandwich, I'm packing you a lunch. Like, when you go to school, you gotta have food to go to school. Like, he was the one guy that was nurturing, you know, where's your sweater? It's cold outside. You should. One guy was kind of on it and after it, in terms of the kids, and he was, you know, doing things for people and cooking and taking care and. I mean, I'd go to his house and I'd have lunch, and he'd bring it in on a tray and put it on my lap, you know, sure, it was a tongue sandwich, but the point is, is he would come in.

[Allison Rosen]

And it came on a tray.

[Adam Carolla]

It came on a tray and it'd be like, who is this madman? I would think to myself, how did he get into this family?

[Allison Rosen]

So uncorrela.

[Adam Carolla]

And then, of course, later on, sort of found out, well, he's not your real grandpa. So that part made sense, like, all right, he's no Corolla, because Corollas don't do shit for other people. And then I realized, oh, he's a Jew. I didn't really know what a Jew was. I didn't know the things that went along with being a Jew.

[Allison Rosen]

You and I have that in common.

[Adam Carolla]

And he had the good part and he had the bad part. He had the part where, as I've say, my Comedy, my standup routine a little bit here. He said to me, and as I've said, probably on this podcast, here's the bad part. He thought I was a loser my whole life, and rightfully so. I was a loser my whole life. He was getting to the very end of his life and he was well into his, you know, he was into his 90s and he didn't know from Loveline or cable, no one in my family, you know, way too rich for their blood and no one, the rest of the family sort of knew it, you know, I mean, my sister would borrow some money and you know, she saw the cars in the house and stuff like that. Grandpa was sort of back at, you know, just sort of convalescing in his home and there's a cultural thing. And I don't think he knew what was going on. He just knew. He knew me as the guy drove the beat up pickup trucks and was asking them if I could keep my tools at your house because my apartment, they're getting ripped off from my apartment. It was like this real sort of hand to mouth kind of existence. And you know, can I borrow 100 bucks? I'll do some work on your house and pay it off and that kind of thing. And he didn't know the part of me that lived in a house up in the hills and had a couple nice cars and was making money in show business. So I said to him, you know, somewhere in, I don't know, 96 or 7 or something, I've made like 5, $143,000 that year. And I said, hey, Grandpa, Paul Bryant's here. I knew I could fill a bus until he got here. I said, hey, grandpa, I don't know, you don't know this, but I'm making good money right now. I'm making good money in show business. And that was his business. And he was like, all right. And I was like, I'm making lots of money. I'm successful show business guy. And he said, really? And I said, yeah. He said, are you making a million dollars a year? And I went, no, I'm not making a million dollars a year. And the following year I made over a million dollars.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you go back and tell him?

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck yeah. I went right back and told him. And this is the Jewiest thing he'd ever did. He said, and this is bad. This the other side of the Jew mountain here. This is the bad side? Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Dark side?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This the burnt side of the latke. I said, I can't make $1.2 million or something. He's going to be live for another four months. I got to get down and tell him this. So I go down there and I say, grandpa, remember last year we talked and you want to know if I'd made a million dollars yet? I said, no. I said, this year I made over a million dollars. And he said, money doesn't buy happiness. Super Jew, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but I don't think Jews believe that. I say, as one, Jews like to.

[Adam Carolla]

Give you a little and take a little back. But at least he gave a little and actually gave a large amount and just took a little back. It's just a little game of I will keep you sort of in your place a little bit. And if you get a little too much, if you're feeling a little too good about yourself, I'll humble you just a little bit. Get a little of that.

[Allison Rosen]

Were you inspired to make over a mile because of what he'd said, or is it just.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I didn't give a shit. No, it was just a coincidence. I don't know if you can be inspired to make over a million dollars. I don't know how that works. Let me try that. Mike lynch try to make over a million dollars this year. I'm working on it. All right, buddy, tell us how that goes.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, inspiring. You can do it.

[Adam Carolla]

It pissed me off is really what it was. But for all the whatever there was on the bad side of the Ledger, there were 10 good things on there, and most of it just involved Hungarian food and somebody was actually cooking and doing something. So this will be the final installment of Grandpa Lazzi, and we will play the entire thing for you at some point. I don't know, maybe we'll put it up on itunes or figure out a way to get you the entire thing if you want it. That's right. Look out, Rihanna. That's right. 99 cents a pop. All right. We will again enjoy the final installment of Laszlo Gorog.

[Laszlo Gorog]

Anyway, this picture became known as the title was the Tales of Manhattan. It had on the marquee the following Charles Lawton, Ansel and Lancaster, Charles Boyer, Henry Fonda, Rita Hayworth, Ginger Rogers, Edward G. Robinson, George Sanders, Paul robeson, Ethel Waters, W.C. fields. This and 10 writers. Because this man Spiegel put on our Hungarian bad English head. English. American rewrite men. So there were about 10 writers. But today it's a museum piece. You know, it was an important. And that made Spiegel what he later became, you know, a burnt.

[Interviewer]

You're saying that it you wrote the film or just a section of it? What did you say that you wrote that film or just a section of it?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Two sections, two episodes. I wrote the Charles Martin episode and the Edward G. Robinson episode. And I helped with the ending of the Paul Robeson. You see, I had the idea, so that at the final scene, Paul Robeson is a poor black farmer, not a farmer, had a little garden, but he was a beggar. And the birds ate up his little seeds, and he prayed for a tail coat he needed. How do you call it, that frightened the birds?

[Interviewer]

Scarecrow.

[Laszlo Gorog]

A scarecrow. And according to the story, one man, the last to own the tail coat, is flying above, and somehow the cigarettes caught fire. And he takes his tail coat off and throws it out, and it comes down to his feet. And the final shot of the picture is the tail, the fabulous tailcoat of Boyer and Henry Fonda becomes a scarecrow. That was my ideal, to end it in a scarecrow. But as I said, it doesn't matter, because I got. For the two episodes, I got $2,000 and the rewrite met who rewrote my story, got 7,000 a week.

[Adam Carolla]

It's 9 11.

[Laszlo Gorog]

That was the.

[Interviewer]

So how long did your experience last with Hollywood?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Like. Pardon?

[Interviewer]

How long did you last with Hollywood? How long did you last writing, working for Hollywood, for films?

[Laszlo Gorog]

Oh, I let. See, I wrote films to the 60s and. But in the 50s, I switched over to television. In the late 40s, television came and the film started getting wobbly, and then I switched over and somehow, again, by a strange fluke, I wrote a story. And my agent submitted it and came back and said, they want this story. I said, but I want to write a screenplay. And he said, they don't want you to write a screenplay. They want to hire an American writer. And they said, then it's not sold. And I took it back and wrote the screenplay. And he submitted it and they bought it. That's how I got in. Not only that, but when they started rehearsing, they called me up, frantic. They have to shoot on Monday, and your screenplay is five minutes short. And I said, all right. And the same day I. I went back and gave them five more minutes so that it can be used at the beginning. They didn't have to ruin the pages, you know. And then they said, good God, if you can do it. And I was in. They gave me stories to rewrite, and so on and so on. And now comes the interest thing. They shot the picture, it was five minutes long, but it was too late.

[Adam Carolla]

I was in, well, that's Grandpa Laszlo came out here, hated everyone he worked with. In show business though. It was a weird thing. Everyone who passes through show business feels like they got screwed and ripped off and fucked with and their creativity was whatever. And it's basically true at a certain level, actually on almost every level, until you get to a certain level, there's just a bunch of shysters who are making more money than you, who don't really do anything. I mean, I see it every day, but he really. And my grandmother just hated show business and everyone associated with it and always felt like because of his language barrier he was kind of getting ripped off because there was always somebody who was between him and whoever saying, I'll translate or I'll take care of it or I'll do it for you. But hey managed to buy a couple of crappy houses in the Valley. My mom still lives in the one that I grew up in and grandma's house is still there too. So it was back when you could just. He just buy a house for $10,000 in North Hollywood, which was more money than it is now, but it wasn't 500 grand, it was just more money. So managed to do all right.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you miss him?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a weird thing because I'm wired not to miss people. It's part of my non human upbringing. But. And he lived so long that I saw him fade out. I saw this guy was really vibrant and full of energy and you know, would cook and ride his bike to the store and stuff. Like in his 80s, I saw him falling and breaking things and you know, getting, not hearing and not seeing and sort of getting confused and that kind of thing. So when you see somebody coast to a stop, you're kind of there for the last five to seven years of their coasting.

[Brian Bishop]

Not just coasting to a stop, but like the same way you would push a car that's clearly headed for, you know, is better off in the junkyard. It's pushing the car farther than it has any business going, I guess is what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like because of modern medicine, we keep people around for five years, eight years, 10 years, longer than they really, your body wears. They can keep you going. Now with, you know, he's had a couple of surgeries and you know, on this medication and that medication. But that just sort of keeps you going, that keeps you technically alive, but it's not like you're thriving. You're still in your 90s and you should have gone in your 80s. And so I watched him sort of coast to a stop, and it was sad. And then you get to a certain point when the person is so broken down and so weak and so just sort of decrepit that you think, I just hope they go in their sleep so they don't have to keep this horrible sort of Terry Schiavo existence up where you're having to get them out of the car and lift him out of the car and put them into the wheelchair and push him into the thing. And then you get that phone call. He slipped again. You know, he broke his other hip. And it's like, so when they coast to a stop, you don't have the man. Do I miss that person? Because you sort of remember them in the coasting phase. Sadly, when somebody goes quickly and they're young and they're vibrant, when we're just talking about John Ritter, it's like, John Ritter. You miss John Ritter because, like, oh, one day he's up and he's making you laugh and he's full of energy and all this other thing, then he's gone. But if the last eight years of John Ritter had been just sort of in and out of nursing homes and in wheelchairs and stuff like that, you don't miss that. So it's weird. But when someone makes it, at least for me, when they make it past 90s, they had a good run and he's in my heart, as you people would say, who have one. All right, let me do a quick spot. Ball. Brian is.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry I'm late.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right. I don't mind. Ball. Brian has made it to a station here. I'm going to do a quick read for GoToMyPC and you poise yourself with the news. Allison Rosen. Shall you?

[Allison Rosen]

I shall.

[Adam Carolla]

IPads, great, but can they replace your computer? Well, now, until now, go to my PC, the app. Everyone, go to my PC for your iPad. Brought to you by Citrix, turns your iPad into your computer. And this is just awesomeness. Now you can access your entire office computer. You can do your home computer. Do it all from your iPad. Sets up in minutes. Work when and where you want. That's right. Work in a park. Put your feet up. Have a little soft swirl ice cream. Try GoToMyPC. Free. That's right, free. 45 days worth of free. Download the app from the App store, then visit GoToMyPC.com, click on the Try it free button. Enter the promo code Adam that lets you know or lets them know you heard it here. Go to My PC. All right now, a little news with Allison Rosen live from the International News center next to Donny's minibikes. This is the news with Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

A group of atheists is suing to stop the World Trade Center Memorial Museum from displaying across the American. Athens atheists filed a suit in Manhattan State Supreme Court saying putting the World Trade center crossbeams in the 911 Memorial Museum is unconstitutional. And now this cross is made of beams that are in the shape of a cross which were found in the World Trade center rubble and it's become a Christian icon.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Joe Daniels, 911 memorial president, said Saturday the cross is, quote, an important part of our commitment to bring back the authentic physical reminder that tell the history of 911 in a way nothing else could. But Dave Silverman, president of the atheist group says the World Trade center cross has become a Christian icon. It has been blessed by so called holy men and presented as a reminder that their God, who couldn't be bothered to stop the Muslim terrorists or prevent 3,000 people from being killed in his name, cared only enough to bestow upon us some rubble that resembles a cross. It's a truly ridiculous.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, when you look at it that way.

[Allison Rosen]

What's he trying to say?

[Adam Carolla]

The Jew makes a point. Look, I'm an atheist and I can't stand these moments. And I would hope that all other groups when their folks go out and do something such as 9 11, don't go out in the streets and celebrate. You look like fuck wads. I'm an atheist and I hate it when atheists get into this shit. Just fucking move on. I know there's somewhere like the whole point, and I've said this many times, the whole point to being an atheist is not being bothered. It's not going out and protesting, it's not being bothered.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, when atheism becomes a religion.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck that. That's what I'm saying.

[Giovanni]

All right, that was Adam Kroll show621. A total of 13 clips composing all velozi t clips played on the show before the tape was played in full. This episode is dedicated to the memory of Lazlo Gorag, Adam Kohl's grandfather. Step grandfather. Doesn't really matter. The most important parental role in Adam's life growing up. Probably a good reason why he is the man he is today and why we have this show. Adam has faced a lot of loss recently. His mother passing his father Laszlo back in the 90s and his grandmother in the 2000s. Rest in peace, Laszlo.

[Adam Carolla]

Gorak.

[Giovanni]

Thanks for the molecule, people. And thanks for Adam Carolla. Mahalo and get it on.