The Warmth of Collectivism and the Collapse of Society: Welcome to 2026!

Summary

Adam Carolla Show (Jan 5, 2026)

The Warmth of Collectivism and the Collapse of Society: Welcome to 2026!

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Episode Overview

Adam Carolla returns after the holidays with a passionate and sharply critical look at American society in 2026, focusing on themes of character, individualism, and what he sees as the corrosive effects of collectivism and government dependency. With recurring co-host Mike Dawson, Adam riffs on everything from Somali daycare fraud and “woke” terminology to generational decline in work ethic, media bias, and his own family dynamics as a parable for societal failings. The discussion is peppered with personal anecdotes, sarcastic observations, and references to pop culture, offering an uncensored rant on the collapse of American values and the dangers of systems built on trust without accountability.

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Major Themes & Purpose

• The erosion of character, pride, and honor in favor of collectivism, victim culture, and government dependency.
• The perverse incentives and predictable corruption in social welfare systems, showcased by recent Somali daycare fraud scandals.
• Personal responsibility versus systemic “warmth” and collectivist solutions—self-reliance as antidote to societal decay.
• How language and euphemisms mask reality and enable fraud.
• Distrust in legacy media, blaming increasing female influence in newsrooms for emotional bias against figures like Trump.
• Illustrations from Adam’s family and professional life to prove that even decent people are easily corrupted by the promise of “free stuff.”
• The futility of oversight and need to drastically scale down government programs.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Warmth of Collectivism" Vs. Rugged Individualism

[04:24]–[06:00]

• Adam laments the cultural shift away from “rugged individualism”—the idea that individuals once embodied honor and character, living by the honor system—to a “warmth of collectivism" that infantilizes adults and breeds corruption.
• Notable quote:

  “We are going to get rid of rugged individualism for the warmth of collectivism. Warmth of collectivism gets you 500 fucking dogs at the airport.” – Adam Carolla [04:24]

2. Self-Esteem Culture: Indoctrinating Children

[05:18]–[06:00]

• Adam rails against children’s self-esteem programming (citing “Wow Wow Wubzy”) as early indoctrination into collectivist, unearned self-worth, undermining effort and achievement.
• Notable quote:

  “You can’t just tell people they’re great. They have to go do something.” – Adam Carolla [05:39]

3. The Corruptibility of Ordinary People/Systemic Graft

[06:00]–[08:00], [15:17]–[17:06], [28:50]–[29:54]

• Argues that corruption is not exclusive to master criminals; the system incentivizes regular people—family, co-workers included—to cheat easily, especially when there’s no consequence.
• Thought experiment: “How much money would it take for the average person to snap their fingers and (anonymously) kill a stranger? Less than you think, depending on national culture/trust.”

  “You don’t need criminal masterminds… you can take regular folk and just get him to do the wrong thing really easily for a couple of nickels.” – Adam Carolla [06:39]

4. Language Games & Euphemism: Hiding the Grift

[23:46]–[26:41]

• Adam points to the proliferation of euphemisms (“unhoused neighbors," “justice-involved,” “gender-affirming care,” etc.) as language designed to soften or conceal fraud, corruption, and bad behavior.

  “Every one of these things is children’s first step forward. Feeding the children. Feeding Healthy…Then everything’s about feeding the kids. Now the other thing they’re smart about, all the grift and graft comes from either something with kids or something with the environment.” – Adam Carolla [23:33]

5. Real-life Examples: Family & Work as America in Microcosm

[41:13]–[50:40]

• Adam uses his grandmother and mother as case studies on how those loudly advocating for the collective often act selfishly; see the “champagne bottle” story as a metaphor for collectivist hypocrisy.

  “She wants everyone to have champagne. No, she wants everyone to have my champagne. Now it’s her champagne. Now she wants champagne. Right? And it’s only her kids, and it’s only her husband and it’s only her mom, and she wants champagne. And she got it free.”—Adam Carolla [48:53]

• Even trustworthy family/friends prove “good people can turn south immediately with just a little bit of cash.”

  “One bottle of fucking free champagne is all it takes to turn my mom into a bad person.” – Adam Carolla [52:15]

6. Government Programs Breed Corruption

[21:27]–[22:33], [63:15]–[67:02]

• Adam argues giving away free lunches, excessive child support, disability benefits, or COVID checks leads “low character” people to become cheaters, and overwhelming the system beyond the possibility of effective oversight.
• Example: “We spend $20 billion on a bullet train…the $39 cent lunch isn’t about the money, it’s a dangerous message to the kids.”—[08:43]
• Notable Quote:

  “You hurt these people with all this free shit.” – Adam Carolla [12:11]

7. Media Bias, “Chick Think,” & Collapse of Trust

[84:25]–[93:42]

• Adam slams the mainstream news media’s loss of credibility, blaming a “sausage fest” followed by a “majority women newsroom” for emotional, anti-Trump bias.

  “We took women who are emotional and that’s good for raising kids ... It’s not good for journalism … it’s gyno-fascism.” – Adam Carolla [93:44]

• He argues that women “can’t separate” personal feeling from profession, leading to selective coverage.

  “They were women first, not presidents of Harvard, presidents of Brown and presidents of Yale.” – Adam Carolla [92:01]

8. Immediate Applications: Somali Daycare Scandal & Rebranding Failure

[82:08]–[83:04], [98:19]–[100:27]

• NPR segment on Somali daycare fraud is panned as a predictable example of mainstream media focusing on threats “to community” rather than fraud itself.

  “No one should listen to them. No one should listen to any mainstream media anymore because they’re biased.” – Adam Carolla [83:04]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On victim culture:

  “We got rid of religion, we got rid of character, we’re getting rid of rugged individualism. And we’re putting victim culture mentality along with the self esteem movement, which I’ve been screaming about for a million years, is harmful…creating a horrible dystopia of a society.” – Adam Carolla [05:04]

• On daycare fraud and welfare:

  “It’s not bad people and it’s not the criminal element. It’s relatively good people coerced into doing low character, shitty things.” – Adam Carolla [28:50]

• On the endless cycle of euphemistic naming:

  “Every fucking thing that’s aimed toward getting chicks to buy is called healthy balanced, New Start, Nature Start…True Nutra, Nature Start. And then you look at the back of the box. Corn syrup, white flour, yellow dye number seven…” – Adam Carolla [24:14]

• On journalistic bias:

  “Ladies, what you’re gonna have to do is separate your feelings for Trump in order to be a professional journalist. Well, you know what? We can’t do that.” – Adam Carolla [91:08] “You got a whole bunch of crazy bitches in there who hated Trump. That’s what happened to you.” – Adam Carolla [94:42]

• On reparations & empty promises:

  “They have decreed that African Americans in San Francisco are each gonna get $5 million. The next statement is, but we’re broke and we don’t have the money. That’s my mom and my grandma. They made a great announcement, right? ... Somebody should take care of these people right now. Go pound sand.” – Adam Carolla [68:05]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Opening & episode premise: [02:27]–[03:03]
• Collectivism vs Individualism rant: [04:01]–[06:00]
• Self-esteem movement/Wow Wow Wubzy reference: [05:56]–[06:23]
• Thought experiment on human honesty/corruption: [15:17]–[17:06]
• Euphemisms and language manipulation: [23:46]–[26:41]
• Adam’s family as collectivism metaphor ("champagne story"): [41:13]–[50:40]
• Corruptibility of “good people” (mom, Dr. Drew, ex-wife): [28:50]–[29:54], [52:15]–[57:33]
• Mainstream media bias & female newsroom critique: [84:25]–[94:43]
• Somali daycare fraud/NPR coverage: [98:19]–[101:14]
• Closing/voicemail/news intro: [76:30]–[77:31]

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Final Takeaways

• Adam Carolla’s 2026 kickoff is an excoriating, highly personal essay on why collectivism “feels warm” but breeds a scam culture, erodes personal responsibility, and inevitably collapses under the weight of human nature and systemic loopholes.
• He makes a forceful (and at times purposely provocative) case for scaling back government programs, restoring the honor system, and rejecting euphemistic, feel-good language—framing these shifts as the only hope for a functional society.
• The episode is signature Carolla: brash, sometimes crude, but also revealing in its use of personal narrative to illustrate complex cultural arguments.

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For the full effect, expect a mix of rants, casual obscenity, sharp humor, and Adam’s trademark blend of anecdote and social commentary. If you’re interested in societal critique with a heavy dose of skepticism, this episode is essential listening.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

All right, in this episode. Welcome back to 2026, everybody. Dawson's got the news and I got a lot of thoughts about graft and Somalians and it's a passionate, interesting episode. So listen up and let a friend hear it because I think this kind of captures this show and who I am. All right, we'll do all that. And like I said, Dawson will do the news and we'll do that right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Bowl season is here and Betonline gives you more ways to play the latest odds, breaking news, live scores and in game betting so you never miss a moment of college football. Bulls, NFL playoff races. It's all there, all the time. Every bowl matchup, NFL late season games, all the way to NBA hardwood battles, college hoops, tip offs. Betonline has you locked in all year long. And if you love UFC fights and NHL futures, BETOnline is the place to get in on all of the action. And when it's time to switch gears, dive into Betonline's casino, packed with hundreds of of the hottest slots, classic table games, live dealers and massive jackpots waiting to be hit. And don't forget the VIP program with exclusive level up bonuses, weekly cash boosts and rewards designed for serious players. Head to Betonline today because at Betonline, the game starts here.

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[Mike Dawson]

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[Mike Dawson]

You're welcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Mike Dawson]

Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Carolla show. Today Adam will recap his time off and his hopes for 2026. We'll do the news with me, Mike Dawson. And now Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the ch. Gentlemen, Nick, get it on in 2026. Thank you guys for hanging out all these years. Dawson's hanging with me in studio today.

[Mike Dawson]

Happy New Year.

[Adam Carolla]

Happy New Year. Dawson's going to do the news as well. I got thoughts. I put together a lot of thoughts over the weekend or over the vacation. Everyone's talking about the Somalia thing and all that stuff. So here's where I'm at with this stuff and it's where I've kind of always been at. I made notes. I made so many notes. We have decided that we need more oversight for stuff like that. My argument is the system creates criminals. Now we go, hey, stop abusing the system. I don't know, stop bringing your dog to the airport. No. Well, okay, here's the deal. We're on the honor system. Yeah. Okay, you can fly free with your dog. Right. But only if it's a service dog. Now do the right thing. Well, sorry, we're not capable of it.

[Mike Dawson]

Remember what they used to say, Give them an inch and they'll take a mile.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Same thing back in the day. Here's what I would say. I would say 100 years ago when we talked a lot about character and, and honor. Like, when's the last time you heard character thrown around?

[Mike Dawson]

Not since Character Counts was a feature on news talk knx.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we are going to get rid of rugged individualism for the warmth of collectivism. Warmth of collectivism gets you 500 fucking dogs at the airport.

[Mike Dawson]

The warmth.

[Adam Carolla]

So dignity, pride, character. Character is a huge thing that we don't talk about. So a hundred years ago when people read the Bible, believed in Jesus Christ and had a little something called character and fathers raised their sons, then we could get by with this kind of stuff. You could put a plastic pumpkin on your porch and say, limit. One piece of candy, please, on Halloween, we're out of town.

[Mike Dawson]

There was an honor system, there was.

[Adam Carolla]

A way to do that. We can no longer do that. We got rid of religion, we got rid of character, we're getting rid of rugged individualism. And we're putting victim culture mentality along with the self esteem movement, which I've been screaming about for a million years, is harmful. And creating a horrible dystopia of a society. You can't just tell people they're great. They have to go do something. I told you, I told Andrew, we'd be running through. Wow. Wow, Wubsy, you are the coolest. Early this year, very early. So you can listen to that. And you guys may think I'm nuts, but wow, wow, Wubsy is geared for five year olds, six year olds, it's geared to indoctrinate them into this self.

[Mike Dawson]

Esteem shit, into the collective warmth of socialism.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. So I'll ask you, while Andrew goes to look for that, if you think people are good, here's a mind experiment. If you just think people are good and leave people alone, they're gonna do the right thing. And by the way, I will explain the other thing that we're not really haven't wrapped our minds around. At least Democratic politicians haven't is, you don't need criminal masterminds, evil people or bad people. I've had a million people from guys I worked with here with Gary all those years. Not that Gary Smith, the other Gary full tard. Ex. Wives, moms, dads, grandparents. I've seen them all do the wrong thing for just a couple of nickels. They'll immediately do the wrong thing easily. You're acting like there's some sort of Al Capone situation here. No, no, you can take regular folk and just get him to do the wrong thing really easily for a couple.

[Mike Dawson]

Of decades, especially if there's no perceived consequence.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How's your kid doing? Fine. Think he's on the spectrum of autism? No, he's fine. Does he sometimes jump when the phone rings? Well, yeah, you could startle him sometimes when you're talking to him. You seem staring off a little. Losing concentration. Yeah. You want to get paid? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now we're getting somewhere, aren't we? Okay. All right. Does he have that clip? And why not if he doesn't? Because I told him on the phone an hour ago.

[Mike Dawson]

But yeah, that Wawa Wubsy is.

[Adam Carolla]

We're looking for it on the hard drive. Okay.

[Mike Dawson]

Is the exact opposite of rugged individualism. You don't have to do a fancy dance. You don't have to wear the fancy pants.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the name of the Wawa Wubsy song? Did I not tell you that one? No, you didn't. Oh, okay, then you can play. You can play from 11 years ago, the Young Turks clip when they're attacking me because I said, feed your own kids. Feed your own kids because I knew this one was coming. I don't want them attached to the government. Do you understand? It's waste, it's fraud, it's abuse, and.

[Mike Dawson]

You get slop, and it's a terrible precedent to set.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I don't want your kids brought into the warm collectivism at age 6. I want rugged individualism at age 6.

[Mike Dawson]

They go get their free food at school, and then after high school when they try to get a job, they're like, well, wait a minute, aren't you guys feeding me?

[Adam Carolla]

Where's the free stuff?

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

This is from 11 years ago. This is when I dared to say, pay for your own kids lunch. But not because I care about the money.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

We spend $20 billion on a bullet train. I get it. There's money wasted. I get it. We spend $24 billion on homeless. We get nothing. I'm not worried about your kids lunch. For a guy like me, that's way, way down the list. It has nothing to do with money. You are the coolest. Wow. Wow. Wubsy. We play this thing a million times. If it's not in a computer, I have to refire everyone who's been fired.

[Mike Dawson]

It is in the computer. You'll find it.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll find. All right, go ahead. Sorry.

[Narrator/Host Intro]

Was speaking with Dr. Drew on the Adam and Dr. Drew show, and they were discussing the issue of politics. And it turns out that Adam Carolla has become kind of political, which he didn't really see himself doing in the past. But he addressed this in a very, very lengthy discussion. And I want to show you a few snippets of it. Let's take a quick look at the first video.

[Voicemail Caller]

I think I've become more conservative as I've gotten older, as I've had a family, you know, as people do when they get older and they have a family and they pay more in taxes and they start looking for school systems for their kids that are usable and things like that. There's a move toward a more conservative life in general as you get older. But as far as my talking points go, you know, stop shitting out kids you can't afford. You pay for their school breakfast. Not because I want you to pay for their school breakfast, but because the kid should know that mom and or dad are paying for breakfast. Making the effort. It's a psychological thing. It's not a matter of, I don't want to pay 39 cents a day for your kid. I don't give a fuck about that. Fucking government takes half my money, does whatever the fuck they want with it anyway. I mean, that's. Your kid's breakfast is the least of my worries. I worry about your kid and the message that's being sent to your kid by mama not making them breakfast. That's what I worry about. But my talking points have not changed. Get your shit together, get to work, stop shitting out kids, so on and so forth.

[Narrator/Host Intro]

I love that video because for someone who doesn't give a shit about breakfast, he talks about breakfast throughout the entire clip. He's like, make your kids breakfast. What I love about that is she.

[Mike Dawson]

Thinks she has a point.

[Adam Carolla]

This is dumb, retarded chick. Think in action. Make your kids.

[Mike Dawson]

The higher the register she goes to, the dumber she is as well.

[Adam Carolla]

I know Anna's a fucking idiot, but by the way, she's turned the corner a little bit here.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I love. For someone who says they don't Care about breakfast. And they're talking about breakfast.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, that's the point. That's what you're talking about. Make your kids breakfast.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also just a metaphor for take care of your fucking kids.

[Mike Dawson]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Anyway, the point is, is I've been talking about this shit for a long time. Yes, we are. You don't need daycare. You can take care of your fucking kids. You don't need free breakfast. You don't need. By the way, it doesn't work. It's a shit show, and it breeds corruption. It will find it. It's no different than we're handing out Covid checks. It's just. It'll be there. It's not that we need oversight. We need to get rid of this shit. And by the way, you hurt your kids. All this. Oh, the fucking welfare system. Has it helped the black community over the last 60 years? It's fucking crush them. It destroys them. You hurt these people with all this free shit.

[Mike Dawson]

It's funny, they're worried about you hurting their kids by not giving them free school lunches, but it's them hurting their kids by depending on the government.

[Adam Carolla]

But also, I don't know, when we start thinking about this, like, who's gonna feed your kids? Who's gonna watch your kids? Who's gonna take care of kids? I don't know. Who's gonna wipe their ass? You. You're the fucking parent. Don't have kids if you can't afford to have kids. Yeah, all right.

[Mike Dawson]

Could you imagine, you have kids and then you get. The first question you ask is, wait, who's gonna take care of my kids?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we got. Now we got. Wow. Wow. Wubsy. Dance.

[Mike Dawson]

You don't have to wear the fancy pants. You only have to give yourself a.

[Adam Carolla]

Chance and you'll see.

[Mike Dawson]

You are the coolest. You don't have to talk a certain way.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing special that you have to say. You'll be yourself. Everyone will know you're the coolest. Yeah, this is. We're poisoning the brains of six year olds. You understand?

[Mike Dawson]

And that's because that's the way fifth graders work, too. That guy, that's different. Oh, everyone says, oh, he's so cool. No, they don't. They beat him up at recess.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not the golden rule. That's the opposite of the golden rule. Okay, if we had the golden rule. Pause. If we had the golden rule, then we wouldn't need all the fucking oversight.

[Mike Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

But we don't have the golden rule. Because we got rid of the golden rule, right? All right, so here's my hypothetical. Less. Anyone think people are good or decent or incapable of ripping off the system? Okay, here's my mind experiment. How much would it take for you to give the average person. And I'm not saying American, I'm just saying person on the planet. Here's the hypothetical. Somebody's going to die when you snap your fingers. Now, that person that's going to die could be in your country and could be in Africa and it could be in Mexico. Could be anywhere on the planet, number one. Number two, that person could be 11 and just going into the sixth grade. Or that person could be 102 and that person could be the person that would discover a cure for cancer or that could be a pedophile priest. I don't know who this person is. It could be anybody. It could be someone who's laying in bed riddled with cancer and has two days to live. Or it could be a bride, a young bride who just got married with that Carpenter song playing behind. Anyway, you snap your fingers, that person's dead. And okay, and you. Obviously, it's not gonna be pinned to you. No one will ever. There's no investigation or anything. It's like, bah.

[Mike Dawson]

No consequences.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody died. Zero consequences. How much money on average is this gonna take?

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, now, here's the other question for most people.

[Adam Carolla]

How much? How much? The average citizen of Finland and the average citizen of Somalia. Because I think it's gonna be higher. Sure. It's gonna be different. If you think the average Somalian would do this for under five grand.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, way under.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Way under.

[Mike Dawson]

If you think that I actually was placing the over. Under at five grand worldwide.

[Adam Carolla]

Worldwide. Okay. If you think the average Somalian would do this for 700 bucks, then we got a problem. Yes, that's what I'm saying. And if we get enough of them together in one place, we're gonna have a bigger problem.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, apparently I've heard that in their country. Well, remember, it's not the government, it's the people. The people are good. The government is bad, Dawson. And although people elected the government anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, now poor, poor Andrew.

[Mike Dawson]

Sorry, what I've heard is.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Yeah, hold on. I just gotta give Andrew some more marching orders. When you look up the pilot for Burcham that's on the Internet somewhere, it's a nine minute whatever. Somewhere around minute seven or eight or whatever, you can hear Burcham going through his transgressions about people. Now, this thing's 15 years old, but I'll show you that comment. Yes, I've said it a million times. Go ahead.

[Mike Dawson]

So apparently in Somalia, it's all about the grift. It's get whatever you can all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It's a low trust society. And out of, I don't know, 180 countries, it's 179 in the corrupt department. Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

And then low trust moves to high trust. Or just stupid and greedy for votes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The other thing we didn't. The other thing we did not anticipate is how fucking corruptible and bad women could be. Cuz half this shit is women. We always thought women were quiet and nice and not graft. Was guys with pinky rings who played golf and talked about throwing indigenous people off land so they could drill for oil. That was the old version of this. Now it's the fucking mom. It's the woman of color. It's the heavyset woman, woman of color. Oh, we got. I'll tell you this joke. There's a scene where Burcham has to go to a meeting, like an encounter group, a therapy group, and they want to ask him what's wrong, what's wrong with him. It's probably about seven minutes. Some had said, go back. All right. Yeah, go back 10 seconds. All right, there it is. Sorry. Play that and you'll hear this joke. 15 years old. Well, it just wasn't relevant. It was insensitive. Mr. Burcham, can you recall instances where you've been insensitive? Hmm? How is it the fastest people on the planet are the world's slowest pedestrians? If the Olympics were held in a crosswalk, there'd be three Scandinavian guys on the podium. The people of my country are honest and hard working. It's the leaders. And what part of Canada are they from?

[Mike Dawson]

Hmm?

[Adam Carolla]

What's with the whole top and bottom business? I mean, really, is that the best you could do? That's not clever. You're literally on top of his bottom. How about something like a tumbler and coaster? Now that's a good one. Insensitive. No. Yeah, I've screamed a million years. When everyone goes, the people, the people are good. It's the leaders. It's the leaders. I go, where are they from? What part of Sweden are they from? Are they just your people? Yeah. You guys A, you tolerate. Every Middle Eastern country in African fucking country does this. They go, we're not terrorists. We're not bad. It's okay. A, you elect these people, you tolerate these people. But B, where are they from? What's their nationality? Oh, you. Okay, so maybe there is something in the water. All right, Anyway, so how much would it cost to kill somebody? And by the way, if you. Dawson, if this was your life, you'd be real pissed if I spun that wheel and it landed on Somalia. If I did the over under 3500 bucks, you'd want it to land on Japan, right?

[Mike Dawson]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd want it to land on Finland. You wouldn't want maybe the US but probably below Japan and below Finland.

[Mike Dawson]

I think Japan would be first, probably. And then, yeah, some of the Nordic.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, okay. So the point is, if people could snap their fingers and have a rando die for under what it costs to buy a washer dryer, well, then I think they're capable of stuff. That's what I'm saying. So the point is, is first off, the oversight of the system. Tim Wall's gonna over. He's gonna have oversight over the system. Those are his people, those are his constituency. He doesn't wanna piss them off. No, even if he wasn't working with them, it still wouldn't work. There's not enough. Evidently, we're not good at the oversight thing. We handed out a billion dollars during COVID relief for prisoners. So we're not great at this. Now we can't get any accounting on the homeless. The 24 billion on homeless, we're not getting any accounting on that. We're not good at oversight. But even if we were good at oversight and. Or motivated now they're not motivated. They're corrupt. These are constituencies. They donate to their thing. It's graft. Fine. But even if they were motivated, we don't have enough cops for the number of criminals we will create with this system.

[Mike Dawson]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

So we need to take the system and start paring it way the fuck down now. Whoa. Doge. DOGE is going to get rid of the CARE Act. We're going to have. Who died? How many kids died? How many kids died? Shut the fucking government down. How many kids died? Doge kicked in. How many kids died? How many? How many? You didn't get your fucking healthy 13 year old boy vaccinated. Did anyone die? Nobody dies. So shut the fuck up, parrot way the fuck down and get back to the rugged individualism. Yes, and we will be doing your child and you a favor because you will have to get off your fucking ass and learn how to work. And that kid will catch a lesson. My mom.

[Mike Dawson]

All you have to do is open your eyes to the Behavior and work ethic of any younger 20 something out in the American workforce today. They got screwed by the government, by Wawa Bubsy, by society, by everybody, Right? You don't have to do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? So first things to look for euphemistic titles, everybody. Euphemistic titles. Every one of these things is children's first step forward. Feeding the children. Feeding Healthy. And I realized it's the talk. The talk is basically right in the middle of the chick think stuff. Chick think. Like if you. You watch every chick commercial, right? It's. They go Pantene with Provide a Nutra Good. And then the dumb chicks go, oh, God, it's got Provide Nutri Good in it.

[Mike Dawson]

But look, it's got. I need this shampoo, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It's got Provit orange dye number seven and something that was based on. Based an acetylene extract which goes in there that was tested on baby lambs, but you made up a name, you called it. Guys ought to do that with Jizz. Let's get rid of the word jizz and Provide a Good. Hey, honey, how about a little conditioner? What's that? Jizz? No, this is Provide a good. This is Pantene sponsored. It's a Provita Nutri.

[Mike Dawson]

Good. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

It comes out of my cock.

[Mike Dawson]

Maybe you were born with it. Yeah, maybe it comes out of my dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. It's a mixed Pro Vita blend. Yeah. It's got nutrients, smart water, smart jizz.

[Mike Dawson]

For a healthy balance.

[Adam Carolla]

Healthy balance. Every fucking thing that's aimed toward getting chicks to buy is called healthy balanced, New Start, Nature Start. You get the fucking box of cereal.

[Mike Dawson]

And the Nutra prefix, True nature.

[Adam Carolla]

True Nutra, Nature Start. And then you look at the back of the box. Corn syrup, white flour, yellow dye number seven, thymine resin. It's like, okay, dumbos. Just because I fucking. By the way, there's a reason why none of those places are called Ajax School for Young People. They're never called Acme or Ajax or anything like that. What are they called? First step Feeding Forward. And then everything's about feeding the kids. Now the other thing they're smart about, all the grift and graft comes from either something with kids or something with the environment, right? They go, what about. How much fucking money have they stolen based on this environment thing? Billions. Trillion. Trillions. It's trillions. They've fucking stolen trillions of fucking dollars. And by the way, we didn't know there was going to be from the chicks and the crunchy dudes. Again, we thought all of the guys that did this look like the principal from Animal House. Oh yeah, that three piece white collar crime. Yeah, and they'd be sitting in their country club laughing about it.

[Mike Dawson]

Poor people can't commit fraud.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, because. Because they're honest. And remember, remember aoc, these people are out there just trying to get a loaf of bread.

[Mike Dawson]

I'm trying to feed my family with a 50 inch flat screen and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, and a Prada bag. Right. Maybe they were going to put the bread in the product bag.

[Mike Dawson]

Maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's give them the benefit of the doubt. So there's all this fucking bullshit spin. And just listen. So listen to the verbiage because I wrote down a bunch of stuff here. Okay. Homeless people are basically junkies shitting in the street.

[Mike Dawson]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

But they're called unhoused neighbors.

[Mike Dawson]

That's bullshit.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you want to give money to junkies in the street or do you want to take care of our unhoused neighbors?

[Mike Dawson]

I'd rather take care of our unhoused neighbors.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And illegal aliens are not undocumented citizens. Now we're giving young 13 year old Tim, who's gonna be Tammy, gender affirming care.

[Mike Dawson]

Affirming?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We're not cutting his take off. We're not affirming. Right. The gender is born with. We're not cutting his cock off for money. That's not what we're doing. Gender affirming care. You understand?

[Mike Dawson]

Yep. And we're going to let boys play.

[Adam Carolla]

Neutral 97 in it. This is neutral. That's right.

[Mike Dawson]

I'm sorry, I forgot it was nutribalanced. Refresh.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Nature Neutra. And then I might just come out with a water called Smart Water. Sure, that's full of corn syrup and red dye, but you fucking dumb people can get fat off Smart water. It's smart.

[Mike Dawson]

People who were released from prison have been justice involved. They're not ex cons anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Graffiti artists. Oh, these people.

[Mike Dawson]

Graffiti artists?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. These people are desecrating private property, but they're graffiti artists.

[Mike Dawson]

I love them.

[Adam Carolla]

And the best of all time for all women. Listen, women. I'm going to donate my eggs. Yep. Oh, what a hero. You donated your eggs? Yeah. For $23,000. Sure.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, okay, that's not the definition of the word that.

[Adam Carolla]

In which case, everything I've ever sold, I'm just going to say I donated it.

[Mike Dawson]

Donated?

[Adam Carolla]

I donated my last house. I donated my car when I sold my Aston Martin. I donated it because as long as we're Playing by the rules of. It's donated now when you got compensated for it.

[Mike Dawson]

I like to donate other people's time.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody here who works here should just say they donate their time. Mm.

[Mike Dawson]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the difference? You sold your fucking eggs, bitch. Now you don't like the way it sounds, that's your problem. By the way, I have a suggestion. If you don't like the way it sounds, then don't do it. Sure. Well, but I want the money, okay? So shut the fuck up. That's the crossroads. You want the fucking money, you don't like the way it sounds, but you want the fucking money. So I was sort of going through this and in terms of, like, what people are capable of, again, what I keep wanting to emphasize with people is it's not bad people, and it's not the criminal element. It's relatively good people coerced into doing low character, shitty things.

[Mike Dawson]

Sure. And they see everyone else doing it and say, why not me?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the system definitely creates it as well. Look at divorce attorneys. So you take someone like. And the reason I've stuck now, the reason I'm keen to this, and I've been screaming about this for a long period of time, is I got a front row seat to it because I had a mom that was this way. I had a grandmother that was this way. Now, what way? Well, you go, okay, hippie type or whatever. My grandmother, like, marched with communists and stuff now. So what did I learn from my grandmother? Well, and it's what I say all the time, because nothing's changed. My grandmother didn't love communism. Communism's horrible, and it's bad for women as well. What she hated was her dad. What her dad loved was hunting and fishing in this country. Right. So she hated her dad. Uncle Sam basically becomes the dad. The country becomes your dad. And she is waging war and fighting against her dad, not a love of communism. That's what all this is. Trump has just become dad.

[Mike Dawson]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

All these bitches who hate their dad hate Trump. If you found a. I'll bet you we did a study of women who have Trump derangement syndrome. Abused by dad is right at the fucking top. Hates dad at top. The daughters who have respect and affection for their dads. The number of them that hate Trump is much, much lower than the ones who hate their dad.

[Mike Dawson]

I would agree with that in that the people who do hate Trump, the people who hated their dad, 100% of them hate Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say. I would say yes to that. Yes. I would Say now look again. And I hate even that we have to do this, but. Yes, there's a certain percentage of women who love their dad, have great respect for dad, and hate Trump. Yes. That's a small.

[Mike Dawson]

Every other member of my extended family.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a small group.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Numbers wise, all right. Percentage wise, all right. So my grandmother hated her dad. And. And what did her dad do, by the way?

[Mike Dawson]

Do you know?

[Adam Carolla]

To her.

[Mike Dawson]

No, no. What did he. What did he do for a living? How did he.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, she's gonna hate this guy. He was a cement contractor.

[Mike Dawson]

Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

And loved hunting and fishing.

[Mike Dawson]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

And there. Therefore, she became this. So she became this avant garde sort of bohemian, right? Because she had to be the op. She couldn't go fishing. She hated her dad, so she had to get into dance and Europeans. But what my grandmother doesn't realize is that she was forced into this life that she thought she chose, right? So my Grant, my. Her father was whatever generation, American, white dude, contractor, hunting, fishing, all the things people would hate, everyone on the left would hate.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

She married a guy from Hungary, smoked these weird colored cigarettes that were European that probably cost 8 bucks a pack. Went a pack of Winstons with 99 cents, didn't have a job, smoked expensive cigarettes and drove. Drove a Peugeot in the San Fernando valley in, like, 1959. Right. So, I mean, people don't realize that. They put signs in front of shops going, we'll work on foreign cars. That was a big deal.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

If a Peugeot in 1960 in North Holland blew a head gasket, good luck. You parked that thing for three weeks. Because they had to wait for the fucking head gasket to come in from Nice on a fucking slowboat. Like, now, is a Peugeot better than a Chevy Impala? No, it is not. But a Chevy Impala is. See the USA in a Chevrolet. And my grandmother had to tell everyone to fuck right off. So she had to smoke her colorful cigarettes, married to a Hungarian guy who barely spoke English, driving around a car that couldn't be repaired because she hated her dad and thus hated this country, Right?

[Mike Dawson]

And if she wanted, she couldn't get an American motor company spirit or whatever. She couldn't get one of those because it had American in the title.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Although AMC probably didn't exist in 1960. It was probably.

[Mike Dawson]

But what came first for Peugeot, did they make bikes or cars first?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I guess everyone made bikes first. I guess that would make sense. But no, she had a Peugeot later. She had a Mercedes, but I remember she had Cars that no one else had in the 60s. And like I said, if something you couldn't get a distributor cap. Now, look, the Chevy had a small block 350 in it. Ubiquitous. Millions of units made. Go to the pep boys, get wires, get a spark plug, get distributor cap, you know, get. Get rotors, everything. And when you start in the morning, it ran and it was fine. It's not like a Peugeot was a great car in 1960. That's the whole thing. But it's not like it was more.

[Mike Dawson]

Of a statement than a car.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. But it's not like they like socialism or communism either. They were making a statement. You know, this is queers for Palestine.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, homos go to Palestine. No, not. No, they don't like Palestine. They don't like Muslims. They don't like any of that shit. They hate their dad. You understand? They don't embrace any of it. None of them ever go there. None of them want to live that life. No one wants to do it. They're all fucking bullshitters. My grandmother's marching with the communists. She doesn't want to live in that horrible. By the way, communism and Sharia law strip away every fucking right. You guys complain about every single one. So obviously you don't like it, but you hate your dad and then you thus hate this country. And now you hate Trump because Trump is ultimate dad under Sharia law.

[Mike Dawson]

If your hair. If you're a woman and your hair is shown in public, you will get the shit beaten out of you with rocks.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, so one. By the way. We can't judge by the way.

[Mike Dawson]

I just.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the people, by the way, the leaders.

[Mike Dawson]

That's true, that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the people, just the people who support all this shit. Yeah, like that would work. Small businesses are the backbone of this country that keep the economy moving. Problem is, when they need funding, banks aren't quick to help out because they're small business. Yeah. Over 70% of small businesses need funding and banks are more stingy than ever. Tell me about it. But if you want bank rates without bank delays, you gotta go check out Cardiff Co Adam. That's Cardiff Co Adam. They're the largest privately held small business lender in the U.S. the application takes under five minutes and doesn't hit your personal credit. You can use the money however you see fit, payroll, inventory, expansion, whatever helps. Cardiff knows that small businesses keep this country moving. So let's go with Cardiff, right, Dawson.

[Mike Dawson]

Banks try to lock out small businesses. Cardiff has the key. Big banks may not want to approve your business loans. But Cardiff does. If you've been in business for at least a year and are pulling in $20,000 a month in revenue, apply now for up to $500,000 in same day business [e-mail] Adam Again, that's Cardiff Co slash Adam. Real growth fast funding Cardiff. Borrow better.

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[Mike Dawson]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Mike Dawson]

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[Mike Dawson]

You're welcome. You just brought me to a connection I've never made before. Gavin Newsome hated his father.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, look out. When you hate your dad, look the out. That's right. Trump loved his daddy. Yeah, I would too if I got a couple of.

[Mike Dawson]

Gavin has never talked about his father in any context whatsoever.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he told me he was raised by single mom. Yeah. So anyway, Interesting. All right, so, all right, so what are we getting at? Okay, so what did my grandma, what did I get a front row seat to? I got my grandma and my grandma like the chick talk. She liked the people, the indigenous people, the poor people. The people didn't have enough. Those people. She liked all those people. But super tight fisted with the cash. Now remember, here's how my grandma worked. It was all about the collective and it was all about not rugged individualism. Right? But I'm going to ask Andrew, why don't you come in here and turn the air on. It's getting kind of hot. I think it's flicked on, but it's. It's not coming on. Or maybe I'm just getting myself into a lather. So now let's not forget my grandmother is the person that when I took my porter cable door planer specialty tool that cost me 400 bucks in $1989, I mean, that tool was week and a half's paycheck for me and I needed it because it was especially tooled to hang doors. Right. And I started hanging do with that tool. And I lived in an apartment, so I kept my stuff. My grandparents lived five blocks away and they had a shed inside their not gate, but a door. Hard to explain, but anyway, my grandmother wanted to help the semi homeless guy who was walking around the neighborhood, so she gave him $2 to rake up all the leaves in her yard. And then I showed up the next day to get my tool because I had A door hanging job. And I said, I opened the metal box and it was gone. It was worst feeling in the world. First thing I did is I pick up the box and my hand hit the ceiling. There's nothing in this box. Oh no. And this is a beautiful porter cable thing. I mean the nicest tool I had. And I open the box, it's empty. Then I start looking around like where is it? And then at some point I say to my grandmother, I go, my tool's gone, my door planer's gone. I need it to hang doors. That's how I make my living. Basically. I can't do it without the tool. Do you have any idea where that tool may be? Did you guys move it or use it or something? She goes, well we did let this homeless guy come in here. I said, yeah, well he may have stolen it. I said, oh, well now I'm out this tool, I don't have the money to replace it and I can't work to make the money cuz that's my job, hanging these doors. And she goes, well tough luck, she left. So is she for the warm collectivism? I guess I feel like warm collectivism would have said how much was the tool? That's. And I'll tell you what, I'll pay for half. We'll go halfsies on it. That would have been a huge victory.

[Mike Dawson]

But this was sound nice, the warm collectivism. It sounds nice. How could you be against Adam? How can you be against warm? The warmth and the collectivism, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So gross. Then later on when she got older and she had to have the full time Filipino nurse, I mean helper, whatever the person, home healthcare, whatever. And they bond with these people cause they do everything, they make their wipe their ass, they make them food, you know, they lift them off the toilet, you know, they do everything. And she's the one who, when I told her I bought a big house in the hills, she was explaining to me that she didn't have a coffee, she didn't have a dining room table, a table to eat off of, right? So she's worried about her. She's worried about her. She doesn't have a table, right? Cause she's a good person. She's a good person. She worries about her helper. She sat me down one day, she's like, Maria wants 15 bucks an hour. It's too much, it's too much, I'm not gonna do it.

[Mike Dawson]

She says this, so you will pay it.

[Adam Carolla]

There was some of that, but it was also, it was like this is a poor brown person who works very hard, who came to this country, whatever, who has to live. She's solely employed by you, and you ain't fucking paying her. You don't want to fucking pay her. So save me the fucking. Save me the speech about the poor people and living in dignity and how the government needs to do more and people need to do more or big corporations need to start paying. You know, Target and McDonald's need to pay. Need to start paying. Hey, bitch, pay her.

[Mike Dawson]

See, that's another thing she wasn't going to do. Exactly, exactly. They can spend other people's money.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

And just as an off of this, when you go to a Walgreens or something and they're like, do you want to round up? Do you want to give for the holidays? I always say no. Because what that company does is they take your money, and then when they do their taxes at the end of the year, they look at it as donations and they get a tax deduction off of your money.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Mike Dawson]

They're not giving any money, but they. Since you donated to them, they give the donation and therefore get the tax benefit from it at no cost to them. They're great at spending other people's money.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone's great at spending other people's money. So then that was my grandma and then my mom. I mean, if you want. Just a wonderful example, but it's sort of a. It's a metaphor. Like, make your kids breakfast is a metaphor for take care of your kids. Dumb Hannah. Fucking dumb bitch. The point is, is this is a perfect. It's perfect for the collective system. It's perfect for socialism. It's perfect for why none of this shit'll ever work. It's also perfect for all the grift and graft and Somalians and daycare and all this shit. My mom was into this stuff big time. She loved it. Always talked about it. Used to always tell me stupid stuff. Like, I remember once I know right where I was, she was explaining to me that poor rich people don't pay taxes. You know, I was like, that's the only people who pay taxes, by the way, Bitch, you don't pay any taxes. So how. First off, shut the fuck up. You don't pay any taxes, but okay. And never did, but okay. You're worried about rich people not paying their fair share. Chris. Carolla, let me tell you what your fair share is. Fucking zero, goose egg. That's your fair share. How about we worry about your fair share and not the quarterly 250k I give to the fucking government so they can piss it away. But let's worry about you, okay? So you've heard it before, but you have to kind of picture it as a meme. Now look at this as a meme, and look at my mom as a person who was all down with everything Mamdani would do.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I go to Grandma's house for Mother's Day 20 years ago. Mother's Day is my grandmother. My grandfather's deceased at this point. It's probably 25 years ago. Grandmother, mother. And her grandmother's her mother. Now, my. My mother had an interesting thing. She didn't hate her dad because she's never met her dad.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

She hated her mom.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

So it worked out. Just as long as everyone hated. As long as everyone hated.

[Mike Dawson]

You just gotta have somebody to hate.

[Adam Carolla]

It was awesome.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So my mom, who called my grandmother Helen. Not mom, just Helen. Just Helen. Never Mom. Okay, we're off to a great start. It's mom, her mother, my grandmother. There's me, there's my sister, and there's my stepdad. So the only people in this house, according to my mom, are her mom, her children, and her husband. At some point, she takes the bottle of $110 champagne, Dom Perignon. Back in the day, I guess, when I'd be doing shows on mtv, Comedy Central, blah, blah, blah, you'd get picked up for a new season, they'd give you a basket and have a bottle of Dom in it. It was always funny to me. I always thought it was funny that the two things that'll kill your career in this town is either getting fat or being a drunk. And every single gift basket in Hollywood was muffins and Scotch.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, that's all they gave you.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a weird message. Like, you get fat, you're out. You get drunk, you're out. Here's a basket of Scotch and muffins. As a matter of fact, we went to a muffin place and just soaked them in Scotch. Go ahead. So you can get fat and drunk. Yep. And then we'll make room for the next guy. So I would get these bottles of Dom Periano I'd just put on my shelf. And then Mother's Day would come along, and I'd grab one. Sure. And then I'd go down and I, you know, I set it on the table when I was walking in. At some point, I would find my mom and go, hey, I got you a bottle of this. Well, my mom Got to the bottle before I could present it to her. She found it.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And she said to the group, now, this is only. That's the collective. This is the collective. She's the rugged individual. We're the collective. There's just her husband and just her kids and just her mom. These aren't Somali pirates hanging out. It's just her family. She goes, well, maybe we can talk Adam into sharing some of his champagne with us. We'd all love some Dom Perignon about now. And then I said, it's not my champagne. It's your champagne. She said, what? I said, it's your Mother's Day present. It's your champagne. Oh. Walked it over to the corner where the sweaters and the sweat jackets. The jackets were. And hid it.

[Mike Dawson]

Holy shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Underneath the jackets. Hid it underneath the jackets. Now, that's a meme, right? Cause she wants everyone to have champagne. She wants everyone to have champagne. No, she wants everyone to have my champagne.

[Mike Dawson]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's her champagne. Now she wants champagne. Right? And it's only her kids, and it's only her husband and it's only her mom, and she wants champagne. And she got it free. It's free for her. And she went and hid it. That's all you need to know about that group. That never stopped. They never stopped talking about sharing and caring. Caring and sharing. We share and we care. Yes, we share and we care.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Except for not good shit and not shit we want and not our shit. Yeah, that's her shit.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, she got it for free.

[Mike Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And. And she announced that she wanted it.

[Mike Dawson]

And it's on the table. It's not like she can hide it from everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

She did.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she didn't hide it from this.

[Mike Dawson]

She makes a big deal out of. Let's see if we can talk Adam into sharing his champagne.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. All right. Well, she.

[Mike Dawson]

My God.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, she could have, like, if I.

[Mike Dawson]

Said, I love your mom.

[Adam Carolla]

How about a little champagne, Chris? And she went, that's a little early for that. Well, then maybe. But it was her idea. Yes. And she got it for free.

[Mike Dawson]

No champ, for anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

And she hid it. Yeah, well, no, we can drink the $9 cooks that my grandma got from Trader Joe's. Okay, yeah, we'll do that. This is Dom Perignon.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, I'll tell you what, it's for a special occasion. Mother's Day. Not special.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll tell you what made this occasion not special. Too many people with too many empty glasses. Special occasion. Would be her alone in the car on a weekday.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Sitting in a driveway. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so I got a front row seat to how these people work. And by the way, it's all talk. It's nonstop talk about the people, the brown people, the people of color, the women of color. We need to do more. The government needs to do more. Target needs to do more. McDonald's, everyone needs to do more. But not you. Yeah, you're hiding the champagne.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, if it were anything other than talk, they would have actual solid results that affected people's lives in a positive way that they could go to, but they don't. So we get word salad for lunch.

[Adam Carolla]

And my mom wasn't a bad person. You would want her for your neighbor. You would most certainly have her look after your. Watch your kids while you were out at work or water your pots while you're out of town. My mom could walk into your house if you gave her the keys and said, we're going to Europe for three weeks. You'd water the pots and feed the cats. She'd walk in there, if there was $100 bill sitting on the counter, she wouldn't touch it. I mean, my dad was the same way. My grandmother was an honest, decent person. No one stole anything. Nobody hurt anybody. Nobody put their hands on everybody. People paid their taxes and had car insurance and were sober and that kind of stuff. These weren't bad people. I'm just saying, one bottle of fucking free champagne is all it takes to turn my mom into a bad person.

[Mike Dawson]

Amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Now imagine taking your three kids and putting them on the autism spectrum and getting 2,800 bucks a month per kid from the government. Think how fucking fast you'll do that.

[Mike Dawson]

And imagine the amount of money you will take to end someone else's life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My mom would do it for a bottle of champagne. Wow. The great Dr. Drew. The great Dr. Drew, one of the best people I know, was swayed by money and did the wrong thing for money. Very quickly. Him and I worked together doing Loveline radio, doing Loveline tv. When I got to Loveline, Drew was probably. I don't know, he's getting 80 grand a year or something. Whatever, okay? By the time we got to the end, it was 900 grand a year. Whatever. I got the price up fast. Right as I got in there. The show changed a lot. People started digging it more, and it went syndicated. And then the money started coming in, Right? So you could argue that I got him paid. And we were always favored nations. We just got Paid the same, Right? Cause you have to do that. Because you can't have two guys sit in a room next to each other and do the same job and pay one. You know, Whenever we did, man show, it was me and Jimmy got paid the same. It wouldn't work if one got paid more. It would cause acrimony, you know, so it was always favored nations.

[Mike Dawson]

That sounds a little bit like collectivism, but go on.

[Adam Carolla]

Even though I would do all the fucking interviewing and all the fucking heavy lifting. And Drew was out a lot doing weird shit for condom companies and stuff. And also, the only thing that sucked is when Drew was out, we got a doctor filling in for him. Dr. Spaz would come. Dr. Bruce would fill in. Remember Dr. Bruce? Good lenses, bad frames. Yeah, he's smart. You just can't tell by looking at him or listening to him. But he knows his business. So if I was out, there was no show. There's best of. If Drew was out, I'd still have to come in and work with a guy I didn't really want to work with. And they did a lot. And we got to the end and the new contract was going to be made up. And they said. And we had the same agent, Bob Eatman. Drew and I did. And we had also had favored nations. And we get to the end. Last contract, I was gonna do it, Loveline. And comes back, okay, what's the deal? Bob Eatman calls. What do we got? He goes, well, they're offering Drew the same, I don't know, 900 grand, and they're offering you 250. And I said, what? What? And he said, they're offering Drew 900, offering you 250. And I said, what is that? Are they trying to get rid of me? I don't know. That's what they're offering. I go, well, first off, okay, they're so fucking dumb. They're often, Drew 900 off of you 250. We're 1.15. I go, why don't they just offer us both 500 and save 200 grand? Drew would take it. I'd probably take it. I like doing this job. It's 500 grand. It's easy. Say we're out of money, but they're offering him 900. They're offering me 250. And then Bob Eatman's like, well, maybe I can get him, like, three. I go, I know, but I don't know what's going on. Why are they keeping Drew the same? Why they're keeping Drew the same. I Go, okay, Bob, Drew can't sign that contract. If he signs that contract, we lose all of that power. I have no negotiating anymore. Drew signed his contract. Now what do I do? So I go, don't sign the. Bob. Don't let him sign the contract. And then I called Drew and I said, drew, do not sign that contract. We gotta figure this thing out. And I'm not gonna tell you what to do and what you can and can't do. But I am gonna say, do not sign that contract. Let's have a talk and figure out a strategy. Because the second you sign it, I'm dangling in the wind. Now I got nothing. So everyone said, okay. And then, like, three weeks went by or something. I was working on another Comedy Central project or something, and I talked to Bob Eatman, and I said, bob, what's happening with the Kroc and Loveline and what's going on with that contract? I haven't heard anything in a month. And he goes, drew signed the contract? I said, drew signed the contract? Yeah. When did he sign it? And he did that bullshit agent thing, you know, not too long ago. I'm like, okay, it's been signed. You didn't say anything to me. Drew didn't say anything to me. I've been. I told you not to. And I told you to tell me. I said, look, if they're telling him they're pressuring him to sign that contract, you gotta tell me. Cause we need to put together a strategy. So I just basically went, all right, Bob, you're fired.

[Mike Dawson]

Makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I went and talked to Drew, and I said, drew, you signed the contract? And he goes, yeah, sorry. And I'm like, well, that's a pretty big transgression in terms of our relationship. That's a big deal right there. Well, sorry. My wife. Money, money. My wife. I go, all right, well, we'll now go to work for the last year, when I'm making one third as much as you, and you're here half the time making full price, and it's going to be tough, but I will attempt to forgive you as we move forward here. And Drew just basically went, yeah, sorry, and if you could, that'd be great. And I said, well, I will. And I went to work. And the point is, now we got to the end of the year, and then they wanted to sign me up to take care of Howard Stern, to fill in Howard Stern on the West Coast. And they're like, here's the deal, and here's the money, and here's the terms. And I said to my agent, James Dixon, I said, now Eatman had already been fired. So I got a James Babydoll Dixon doing the radio contract. He's not a radio guy. He's Jon Stewart and Jimmy and Stephen Colbert. I go, I'll sign the contract. I'll do the new deal. They owe me $578,000. And he goes, you want a signing bonus, baby? I go, no, I want the money they fucking owe me. Yeah. And Jake goes, what? I go, I work for a year for fucking 325 grand. Drew got 900. Now, whatever that chasm is, I want it or I'm not going to fucking sign this contract and fill in for Stern on the West Coast. And he goes, so you want a bonus? I go, I don't want a bonus, and I don't want a penny more than whatever that chasm is between what I got paid for a fucking year and what Drew got paid for a fucking year. That's what I want. They either give me that money and make me whole for the last fucking year where they tried to screw me, or I don't sign the contract and they can go fucking find somebody else. And he went, so you want a signing bum? I go, okay, just go fucking tell them that. They'll know what you're talking about. And that was it. And they gave it to me. Wow. And that's how it ended. But the point is, Drew, the most decent man on the planet is corruptible. Corruptible easily. Couple of bucks. Couple of bucks. Very easy. My ex wife turned into a horrible person because she wanted money for divorce. It ruins people. I mean, think about. But it's the system that ruins them. Like, think about this concept. You ready? Here's how child support works. Spousal support, you get 30 grand a month. Child support, that's 18 grand a month. By the way, 32 and 18 was like 50 grand a month tax free. You get 50 grand a month, right? That's how child support works. You get 18 for the kids, and then you go, okay, but hold on. She wants to split the cost of the airfare to check out the colleges in Oregon. And you go, well, take it out of the 18. No, that doesn't come out of the 18. Or what about the prom dress for your daughter? Well, take it out of the 18. No, that doesn't come out of the 18. The 18 is for food and medical. Well, then what's the 18 for? Listen, when the 18 is empty, then come to me.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, when they don't spend 18 because it doesn't take 18. When they don't spend 18, you don't get that back, I don't get it back. She gets it. The person that's getting 32 for doing nothing gets it. So what is her motivation? Spend it all on the kids. This system ruins these people. Low fucking character people are ruined by the system. I'll go through. I made a list. Everybody, I'm motivated. The point is, is these systems need to be changed because everyone is everyone I've spoke about my ex wife, Drew, my mom, my grandma. Not bad people, not criminals, just low character, incapable of doing bad things for a nickel. Yeah, easily. Now there are a few people that cannot be bought. Jimmy Kimmel can't be bought. Does not matter now he's got F me money. But even before he had F me money, this shit wouldn't have. He'd just go, no, it's the wrong thing to do, not gonna do it. There are a few people, but I mean, I had a guy named Gary work for me here for 15 years. Came to every Christmas party, came to every wrap party, came to every event, hung out, whatever. Hey, we're good buds. Got fired, got a lawyer, fucking sued. Got 85 grand. And I talked to him, I said, gary, I didn't fire you. Some of this like a mix up. I took care of you, I took care of your daughter, I brought you every party we've gone to every event. You don't need to sue me. I've never done anything to you. I'm doing it for money. Gary's not a bad person. Right? But 85 grand is 85 grand.

[Mike Dawson]

And it's the system makes it okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And then the system, are you kidding? The only thing the system, Americans with Disabilities Act. Oh, we're gonna help the people in the wheelchairs. We're gonna put curbs up. You know what that turns into? Every fucking lawyer walking into every restaurant in LA and seeing if there's a grab bar by the toilet. And if there isn't a grab bar by the toilet, or there was one and it broke. Fucking sue in the restaurant. Right? That's what that turns into. It starts off with the poor moms. The poor moms and the destitute kids, and the dad has left the kids. It turns into here's 50k a month tax rate. Go fucking travel the world. That's what it turns into. What about the kids? What about the Somali kids? What about getting a fresh head start with Nutrient Vita C in it? How about what about. And then it turns into I'm buying a fucking pinky ring and glasses where the frames are three grand. That's what it all turns into. We can't be trusted is what I'm saying. I'm telling you, it sounds like I'm trying to frag people in my life. I'm just saying good people turn south immediately with just a little bit of cash. And like I said, there's camels, but that shit is few and far between.

[Mike Dawson]

So how do we fix it? And is it even fixable? And is it just a matter of getting rid of the low character people?

[Adam Carolla]

Everything now is force enforcement. And I wrote down some stuff so we realized dogs at the airport can't have it. No more honor system. Here's the rules. No more dogs at the airport. If your dog is at an airport, it must have a handle on it. It must have a piece of rebar that's covered in leather that's strapped to a harness that sticks up above the dog 18 inches and you hang onto that fucking handle. I don't want any fucking nine foot leashes that are bedazzled. No, you're blind and it's a service dog. Anything else is gone. Right? And when people go, yeah, but I have anxiety about flying. Well, try some booze. Try Percocet. Or feel free to take a bus. Yeah, or you can wait for Gavin to finish the train. The point is, if flying gives you that much anxiety, then you don't fly. I bet that bitch flies, by the way, without the dog. What percentage of people need their dog to fly? And you said absolutely no dog would still get on the fucking flight. Answer is 97.7%.

[Mike Dawson]

It's like Brando and the Godfather. I want you to be a man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, so first off, we get rid of all this shit also. It's nothing but tough love, okay? Safe injection sites, judgment free sites, you know, free needle clean needle exchanges and stuff. None of it works. It's just piles of junkies on the street. None of your. None of that. We're going to do community policing now, okay? None of it works. It's just fucking cops and guys with guns standing on every fucking corner beating people fucking down. That's it. DEI doesn't work. That Americans with disability shit doesn't work. Teachers unions immediately turn to fucking shit and go corrupt. Universal income reparations, all fucking gone. Nobody can be trusted. If we had a society that was. We had 340 million, Jimmy Kimmel's around, then we could do all this stuff, but we can't because we have all the people I just mentioned and then Somalis and everyone else and poor Mexicans and whatever, and they're being enticed and put on the voter rolls. So that's where we're at. So this whole. I'm not saying we have to enforce the system, I'm saying we gotta get rid of a lot of it. Like it's got. Government's gotta be doged the fuck down.

[Mike Dawson]

Makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

It's great. Remember 10 minutes ago, they're all going nuts because of Doge.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, yeah, Hear that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They're like, you can't do what? The kids, the kids in the environment. And by the way, every once in a while, what they do is they take the kids in the environment, they make a Reese's Peanut butter cup. My child won't have children of their own because they won't have an environment to live in. That's the environment. And the kids come together. That's how we. That's how we get your money.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, you brought up reparations. I believe the city of San Francisco just approved a $5 million payment. Therefore.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but you picture my mom and my grandmother when you say this. Go ahead.

[Mike Dawson]

And to qualified people, one $5 million million dollar payment.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Mike Dawson]

I don't know what these qualifications are. I don't know what you. But.

[Adam Carolla]

But it should be. It should be.

[Mike Dawson]

You must descend from a person who was a slave in California.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay, done.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain why you're wrong. And this is why I have to picture my mom and my grandma. They have decreed that African Americans in San Francisco are each gonna get $5 million. The next statement is, but we're broke and we don't have the money.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that's my mom and my grandma. They made a great announcement, right? They made a proclamation. Somebody should take care of these people right now. Go pound sand. Cuz we're a billion dollars deficit in the city and the budget. So the guy, the mayor, how stupid do they think black people are? I mean, it's embarrassing, right? Daniel Lurie, who's the mayor, said, hey, black people, we got reparations. And I signed, yes. And it's gonna be 5 million bucks a piece. Except for none of you are ever gonna get the money because I don't have the money. Right? All right, so while we're. While we're doing that Chuck, Andrew, you guys are in line for $5 million Christmas bonus too. Except for I don't have any money. But let it be known that that's what I'm thinking. So that's a matter of fact. Why don't we make it 100 million apiece?

[Mike Dawson]

Smart.

[Adam Carolla]

As long as you're not giving them. We don't have money. Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

And three weeks of paid vacation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No money. So he made that. He made the proclamation, but he has no money.

[Mike Dawson]

My God.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right. You guys are schooled up on that. I did want to say, by the way, here's comedy, if you want to know, because, Dawson, you've been around long enough to appreciate this. I said to. I realized, as you know, I have the same conversation with the same people over and over again.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And I went to the website because I was going to tell Sonny to come out and hang out in Colorado. I'm doing some shows out there, and he loves Colorado. And I went to the website a couple days ago, and of course, the shows from two weeks earlier at Kimmel's in Vegas were still on our website because how could those be removed? That's going on for 15 years every time, right. And then I went down, looking through, and I saw Naples. Mike had put Super Bowl, Sunday, Naples shows on Naples, Florida. And I caught it like two, three weeks ago. And I went, mike, I'm not doing two shows in Naples on the super bowl, by the way. I don't know who's coming.

[Mike Dawson]

Who's coming to the show at 5.

[Adam Carolla]

O' clock at the Super Bowl. So cancel that show. All right? So that show's on and the other shows are on. And then I write a fairly long email to Mike and I just said, mike. And I told Mike, like two years ago, I go. So what Mike does is he goes, I told Andrew to.

[Mike Dawson]

Buh, buh, buh.

[Adam Carolla]

I go, mike, you've got to check the website every Monday. Every Monday, just check the website. You get paid for the tour. Go check. Just every Monday, just check. Because the plan of somebody else should do something. It doesn't seem to be working. We can't make it work. We can't make it work. So you just need to check every Monday because I said, I don't want to do another year of this. And it's been 15. So just check the website. Every month. Mike writes back, I told Daphne to remove Kimmel. All right? Then I write back again, mike, that's not enough. I need you to. By the way, I went to the website.

[Mike Dawson]

Still there.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Got rid of the Kimmel Dates, but the super bowl date was still on there. Okay. I said, mike, you need to check yourself every Monday because there's always something wrong. So he just wrote back, sure. So I don't think he's gonna do it because I've been telling him to do it. But as Andrew. As we start the new year, and Andrew hands me my plug sheet. Thursday. This Thursday. Loveland, Colorado, Rialto Theater. That show's been sold out for three weeks. It's a theater show. They're not adding a second. It's been sold out for three weeks. How many times have I.

[Mike Dawson]

You need to promote that. No, hey, wait, wait. There's Mike August answer. Yeah, couldn't hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it couldn't hurt. Okay. How many times have you been sitting here where I've said, if the show is sold out, tell them to get it off the plug sheet? Yeah. Is it doable, Mike? I don't think it's doable. Is it? At this point, it's not doable.

[Mike Dawson]

You're just wasting time hoping that it would be.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess it's on me. All right, but Friday and Saturday, the 9th and 10th, Colorado Springs, Looney's Comedy Corner. And then, oh, Sunday, sold out, too. Sunday, sold out. There's two sold out dates. Well, congratulations.

[Mike Dawson]

Good job.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't say sold out on. On your website either. Well, Mike's gonna handle that money. Wait, go to their. Go to their. Go to the theater. Go to the top one of the bottom one. See if it says it's sold out on there. Yes, it should be. It should. Rialto Theater.

[Mike Dawson]

There's a low ticket count.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it says low ticket, sold out.

[Mike Dawson]

And then it says sold out over there.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so they got. Mike may be running their website.

[Mike Dawson]

Maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so that shows sold out, and then you go to Greenwood, and that show sold out is sold out. Okay, but we're plugging it in 20, 26. And since 2010, I've been screaming at Mike, if a show is sold out, get it off. By the way, just go on the Internet and go look every Monday, eight minutes.

[Mike Dawson]

Anyone who listens to this show or has listened for at least a decade, has heard this a thousand times.

[Adam Carolla]

So my new question is, is it doable? Well, it would be if Mike would do it, but he's not gonna do it.

[Mike Dawson]

Good answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's take a break. You got the news? I do. We'll do that right after this. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and all the knowledge you need. And if you can't figure it out, they can't figure it out. Well, they will help you find someone who can figure it out. It's always my first call. By the way, O'Reilly, if I can't figure something out, I head to O'Reilly. They have thousands of parts in stock and they can test your battery for free. Need wipers, brake lights, quick fix, engine light on. They're going to help you out. Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and they're friendly. Like they held the door for me last time I was there and they didn't know who I was. They just said here comes a customer. Professional parts people at O'Reilly, well, they're a one stop shop DIY stuff. You do it yourself and you can check them out online or you can go down there in person. Either way, they're the best. They're O'Reilly, right? Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today.

[Mike Dawson]

Or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Homes.com well, some might say Homes.com is the best home shopping site. Maybe Homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or maybe it'[e-mail] is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps, just Perhaps, it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Ilovehomes.com you know, it's fun. You go on there, see what's going on in the neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. So if you're looking for a home, are you just kicking some tires? Go to homes.com homes.com We've done your homework.

[Mike Dawson]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Happy New Year, Ace. Man, I missed your regular shows.

[Voicemail Caller]

Listen, I gotta get your thoughts on.

[Adam Carolla]

Carson Presley riding in the Rose Parade honoring the firefighters that fought the fires that didn't burn down your house, bro. Get it on. Happy New Year.

[Mike Dawson]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I watch a short doc on that which on you YouTube to figure out what that doc was called.

[Mike Dawson]

Is that the one that Ralph Fazzullo sent along?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't, I don't know if it was that one I was over the holiday break. But the firefighters didn't do that much. They hung out. Day two and everything just basically burned and they hung in. And they blamed the fire hydrants. Yeah, they did. Shitty job anyway. Heroes, though. Everyone's a hero. All right, what do you got? All right.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, over the weekend, a major military campaign. Yeah. Under the COVID of night, the arrest of Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and his wife. Well, world leaders are not happy about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, they're not happy.

[Mike Dawson]

No, they're griping. Yeah. They're deeply alarmed. Leaders from Russia, Iran, China and Colombia among the nations lining up Saturday to demand the Trump administration release Maduro and First Lady Sheila Flores.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me ask this in terms of Middle Eastern demands. What's your batting average? You know, like, Iran demands this and demands that and everyone goes, oh, fuck you. But by the way, in circling back to the. No more defund the police and community policing and safe injections. Just fucking force. Just force, force, force. Consequence, Consequence, consequence. You can talk to Iran for 30 years about their nuclear program and sanctions and beg them to stop and have inspectors, or you can take a couple of bunker buster fucking Moabs and drop it up their ass and blow their fucking enrichment plants up. And then you can turn the page and move on. Correct. Or you can talk about it for another 30 years while they enrich uranium and get the bomb, get ever closer to the bomb. So I want to live in a world where we can send our diplomats over to Tehran and they can talk to their folks and we can break some bread and we can make a deal. But I also want a deal where I can tell Somalis, hey, do not collect welfare or child support that you don't need. Okay. I want that world, too. Except for that world doesn't exist.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah. Here's the statement from the Russian Foreign Ministry. In view of the confirmed reports about Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and his spouse being in the United States, we strongly urge the US Leadership to reconsider their position.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

And release the legitimately elected president of a sovereign country and his spouse. Meanwhile, in Venezuela, they're parading through the streets celebrating. They're so happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Democrats are great, too, with this stuff because it's all. You know what I was thinking about the other day as I was, like, going on my third avocado in a day and a half? I thought, remember when the Democrats were explaining we weren't going to have avocados?

[Mike Dawson]

That's right. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened to avocados? What happened? Remember when if Trump moved the embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. That the biggest.

[Mike Dawson]

Gonna start the war.

[Adam Carolla]

Middle east was gonna be on fire. Yep. All they do is pronounce shit. Mandami's talking about how New Yorkers are in danger now because they took the guy from Venezuela. It never happened. It happens. As much as can't get a Takati. Hey, is anyone to get their hands on an avocado? I know a guy. He's got a van. He sold me one for $128. It was a little old, but I. And he sold me Takati beer, six pack. $71. Or did none of this ever happen?

[Mike Dawson]

Mm, no. None of it ever happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of, by the way. And none of it ever does happen.

[Mike Dawson]

No, it doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You bomb Iran, we're going to start World War Three or nothing.

[Mike Dawson]

I want to know where all of the dead children are because of Doge. Where are all the dead children I was yelling about? They're going to be what? They're 50,000, 100,000 dead kids.

[Adam Carolla]

They're in mass graves somewhere. Dawson.

[Mike Dawson]

In avocado news. Just real quick. I planted an avocado. Avocado tree in my house. Two avocado trees. In 2018, I got my first avocado one.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's big.

[Mike Dawson]

It's bigger than my fist. It's a big avocado.

[Adam Carolla]

Chuck Schumer will give you $1,200 worth because Chuck told me we're not gonna have access to avocados.

[Mike Dawson]

Took freaking 7 years to get one. One avocado.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the funny thing about all democratic scare shit is I just. Every once in a while, I'm just cutting an avocado and we go. Or whatever I'm doing, going, what happened? Nobody ever says anything about it. I know the answer. We never go back. The answer is nothing. Whatever it is you said was going to happen never happens. So pardon me if I don't believe you.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, let's move on to the Somali fraud regarding daycare centers and this story we're going to get into simply because it's from npr.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm just going to read the.

[Mike Dawson]

Headline, and then we will dissect the audio from the interview and the story itself. But here's the headline. Right Wing Influencers Fraud Claims leads to threats for Somali Daycare owners.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the thing. So here's an interesting thing. Yeah. So no one cares about npr. And I was gonna listen. Remember I did an interview with NPR 10 years ago. They never aired it. So this whole truth is wrong or transparency Shit. They're all full of shit over there. No. No one should listen to them. No one should listen to any mainstream media anymore because they're biased. But I will explain what has gone on, what has happened to these esteemed news organizations. Now, NPR is gonna do what NPR's gonna do. What they don't realize is nobody cares anymore. No one's listening. Except for a handful of their friends.

[Mike Dawson]

Except for them. They're in their own echo chamber, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I think we have this clip, and I'll tie it into your NPR thing here, which is. Actually, Bari Weiss sent it to me over the weekend, and she wants me to write an article for the Free Press or whatever. Column, something. Anyway, her and I are friendly, and so she sent me this, and I'd already torn it apart on Twitter before she sent it to me, so I felt bad. But. All right, so this is the new. And look, I love Bari Weiss. And this is. Or as Mike August would call Bari Weiss. And then when I explained to him it's Bari Weiss when we're going to the vent, he goes, what's the difference? And then I go, well, one is Barry and one is Barry. Yeah, but then, to be fair, but who cares?

[Mike Dawson]

He met her at a dokin concert.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I love the dokin. I go, well, she's probably gonna care, Mike. But anyway, there is a path here. You can just pronounce it correctly, like I do, and then we can move on. But there's a way to do that with the calendar and the dates and the live shows, too, but I guess that's not gonna happen. But anyway, Bariweiss sent me this, and then I'll explain what's going on. So I'll play this. This is the new anchor for CBS Evening News.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

A lot has changed since the first person sat in this chair. But for me, the biggest difference is people do not trust us like they used to.

[Adam Carolla]

Correct.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

And it's not just us. It's all of legacy media.

[Adam Carolla]

Correct.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

And I get it. I get it because I've been hearing about it from just about everybody for more than 20 years as I've traveled America on this assignment or that. My mom's neighbors in West Virginia, my own neighbors in New York City. Thousands and thousands of conversations in between. Sometimes people want to talk to me about our coverage of NAFTA or the Iraq War. Other times, it's all about Hillary Clinton's emails or Russiagate or, more recently, COVID lockdowns, Hunter Biden's laptop or the president's fitness for office.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, pause. All right. It's all stuff you lied about, but you all lied about it. Yes, but I will explain what the problem is. This. Because these people. Here's what they do. It's funny. In their attempt to claw back some legitimacy, they lie again.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And what I need to hear is, mea culpa, and explain to me what you did and what happened. And now we need to move on. But listen to. Okay, so he goes, hunter Biden's laptop, President's Fitness, Covid. All shit they all lied about 100%. Okay? Now, we can't say we lied. We're a news organization. So they do this thing where we got a few things wrong. Okay, you got a few things wrong. This is my. Every time you go to the corner store, you give them 20 bucks. You get short change for a bottle of Gatorade. And then you say to the guy, I gave you Gatorade's five bucks. I gave you 20. It gave me 10 bucks back. I should have 15. He goes, oh, the cash register's broken. Yeah, if the cash register is broken, I should get more half the time and then less. Yeah, it should vary. I've been here every time. All I do is get shortchanged by the broken cash register. So maybe it's not a broken cash register, which is, you got it wrong. Maybe it's your line.

[Mike Dawson]

Maybe it's working the way that you have intended it all along.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's gonna explain to us with all these stories what happened under Biden's.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

Laptop or the president's fitness for office. The point is, on too many stories, the press has missed the story because we've taken into account the perspective of advocates and not the average American.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, pause there. That's fine. You didn't miss the story. You lied about the story. And, yes, you did listen to advocates, by the way. You're not supposed to listen to advocates. You're supposed to go do the research and crunch the numbers, not listen to people who work for this organization or that organization who have an agenda without fear or favor. Yeah, you're gonna go talk to the person who runs the Somali daycare, or you're gonna do some journalism. No. Okay, here we go.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

Advocates and not the average American. Or we put too much weight in the analysis.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. You don't need to talk to the average American either. You need. You're a news organization. Does Covid kill healthy kids? No. Okay, we got our answer. Yeah, you don't have to talk to.

[Mike Dawson]

The average American to get that.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't need to talk to the average American. You don't need to talk to advocates, but keep going.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

Of academics or elites and not enough. On you. And I know this because.

[Adam Carolla]

I certainly go back a second. Sorry. Just.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

I have been you or we put too much weight in the analysis of academics or elites and not enough. And I know this because at certain points, I have been you. I have felt this way, too.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. I don't know what he's talking about.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't need to talk to us about anything. Covid, Hunter Biden's laptop, does it exist? I don't know. Go interview the guy from the MacBook Store and go talk to the FBI and see if they have it. And go fucking pull some records and go talk to Giuliani or whoever.

[Mike Dawson]

Tony Bobulinski.

[Adam Carolla]

Go talk to Tony Bobulinski. Go do some fucking work. Don't talk to me. Let's go do some journalism. Would you fucking please? Relying on academics. Yeah, academics that are dying. The world Democrats.

[Mike Dawson]

Instead of focusing on. Yeah, we don't need to know what they are saying in Duluth.

[Adam Carolla]

Just go.

[Mike Dawson]

That's not the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Get the story. It's a laptop. Does it exist or doesn't exist? You can start with the guy who owns the Mac store, then you can go to Bob Walensky, then you can see if Giuliani has the files. And then you can take them and vet them, which is easily done. And you can find out that the FBI had the thing for a year. Okay, Go ahead.

[Mike Dawson]

You.

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

You and I know this because at certain points, I have been you. I have felt this way, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[CBS Evening News Anchor]

We're all collecting what you do about it. And hearing on the news didn't reflect what I was seeing and hearing in my own life. And that the most urgent questions simply weren't being asked. So here's my promise to you today. And every time you see me in this chair, you come first. Not advertisers, not politicians, not corporate interests. And yes, that does include the corporate owners of cbs.

[Adam Carolla]

All right?

[Mike Dawson]

Bullshit. This news is brought to you by glaxosmithkline every other fucking day. You liar.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, listen. It's not relying. Here's what fucked up corporate news and all mainstream media. NPR includes all of it. All of it. Just listen to me, everyone. I'm telling you what happened. It's not. Yes, there's money, there's pharmaceutical companies, and there's pressure and there's whatever else. And relying on Experts. It's not me relying and listening to academia. And that's nothing, Nothing. Here, let me explain to you what exactly happened. News outlets were a sausage fest 30 years ago, 75 years ago, it was all dudes. There was one woman in the building, she was working as a receptionist, right? And it was assault dudes, Right? And then we decided we needed more women and more women and more women. More women everywhere, by the way, making all the decisions, running the daycare centers, you know, mayor of Los Angeles in the newsrooms. The newsroom on most of these places went probably, in 2000 was probably 9% women or 13% women. It went to like 57% women. It did what college campuses did. It did what everything did, you know, college students and graduate degrees and stuff like that. It's now majority women.

[Mike Dawson]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And so these newsrooms got filled with women. Women in these newsrooms, well, they hate Trump. Okay, now you go, okay, your newsroom is filled with a bunch of women who hate Trump. Ladies, what you're gonna have to do is separate your feelings for Trump in order to be a professional journalist. Well, you know what? We can't do that. We can't just, like, as I've said, take a mom. Hey, mom, you're a mom. That's right. You love your 13 year old son more than anything in life. He's a champion Little league pitcher. Okay, well, the umpire got sick today and we're gonna need you to call balls and strikes behind the plate. Good luck, mom. Good luck. He's gonna fucking bounce his first pitch to home plate and she's gonna yell strike. Because she can't stop.

[Mike Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Because she's a mom first and an umpire second. And all those bitches who now got fired from all their Ivy League schools when they got pulled up in front of Congress, when they got prodded and poked at by the female Republican, they were women first, not presidents of Harvard, presidents of Brown and presidents of Yale. They were women. And they were like, fuck you, fuck you. Because they're women first. Women are women first. Guys can separate now, compartmentalize. You could have me call balls and strikes if my son was pitching and I would do a good job. As a matter of fact, I would overcompensate a little bit, probably be a little tough runner. My ex wife couldn't do that because Sonny's up there and she loves her boy, you see? So now you take all these women and you put them in the news organization. Right? All right, let's have our Monday morning meeting, shall we? Cover Hunter Biden's laptop. No, we should not. Why not? It's a news story. It hurts our guy. Right. And we hate the other guy. All right, I have an alternative story. What is that? I have an unknown source, an unidentified source that says that Donald Trump was seen pissing on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. All right, let's go with that one. You sure you don't wanna go with the Hunter Biden lap? No, no, no. We can't confirm. We can't confirm. Leslie Stahl has been at CBS for 150 years and she sits there in front of Trump and Trump starts talking about the laptop and sir, sir, sir. What's she doing? What's she doing at that point? She's no longer journalism. She's a woman.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now a journalist would have went, you know what a journalist would've went? He'd go, what about the under Biden laptop? You missed that, sir. Well, you know what? Inform me, educate me. Go ahead. President of the United States, tell me about Hunter Biden's laptop. So what do you know? Have you seen it? Sir, sir, sir, sir. That's all the woman stuff. So it's gyno fascism. We took women who are emotional and that's good for raising kids and it's good for many things. It might be good for ratings for a while. It's not good for journalism. Yeah, and it wasn't you listening to experts. It's. You got a whole bunch of women infused into that. They all hate their daddy, they all hate Trump. And that's why you guys fucked all your reporting up on everything from COVID to Hunter Biden's laptop to inject bleach to good people on both sides. You guys fucked all that up because you got a whole bunch of crazy bitches in there who hated Trump. That's what happened to you. Guys, Guys.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so see if we can fix it.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, see the other thing too. I would, I like the effort here. Yes. I, I want this to happen, but I don't believe a word out of his mouth. Now if he said our credibility is 10% of it. What of what? It was 20 years ago and our revenue is down year by year by about 40 to 50%. And so we figured out we're doing it wrong. Were changing. That's what they don't. I don't, I, I, maybe Barry Weiss, I'm, I'm sure that she has bari. But yeah, I'm sure that she has good intentions. But in the end, to me as a pessimist Pessimist. This is all money. This is all a reaction to money they don't really care about. Yeah, well, they're losing revenue.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, next story, next story.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, let's get back to the Somalia guys. Would you like to listen to that NPR thing, or do you want to cut in?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I like that.

[Mike Dawson]

This is an NPR story where they.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now, here's the other thing with women, they can't stop. It doesn't matter. They'll keep going. You know what's an interesting quality with women? Every woman I've ever known, really, if they tell a story, like, if they don't like. Okay, okay, okay. They don't like Mike Dawson. Right. And then they go, well, I don't want Mike Dawson coming to the Christmas party because last year he stole some of the granola bars that we had out for the guests. And then I go, oh, no, he didn't steal those bars. I put those bars away because I thought the party was over. And they go, okay, one year later, I'll go, let's make the guest list. I'll go. We'll invite Mike Dawson to Chris Prime. No, I don't want that guy here. He stole. That's how their fucking brains work. Do you understand? So there is no. I'm gonna explain to you about injecting bleach, and I'm gonna play the tape of good people on both sides, and I'm gonna tell you no border guys beat any Somalians with reins. Okay? Okay. But both sides, they'll go right back to it. They can't. It's emotion. You know what it is? I hate Mike Dawson, and I don't want him at the Christmas party. And it doesn't really matter. I can explain away whatever it is, but I can't get through to the emotion right now. Put that in the newsroom. Get rid of Mike Dawson, put Trump in there, and good luck getting some news.

[Mike Dawson]

And the more you repeat the story, the more people are just going to be willing to take it that I'm a thief. But specifically, granola bars, disc granola.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, go ahead.

[Mike Dawson]

All right, let's see this, NPR News.

[Adam Carolla]

Somali Americans in Minnesota who operate childcare centers say they've received violent threats and have been targeted by vandalism. This follows posting of a video. Pause it there. By the way, according to the left, being harassed or threats is the worst thing you can do to someone. Oh, yeah, now you stab someone in the ear with a screwdriver on the subway and kill some blonde girl that's no biggie. No, but if you're harassed or you feel threatened in any way, that is the biggest attack you can put on someone. And by the way, they do this all the time. Remember after 9, 11, the Middle Eastern community feels, give me a body count, give me a body count. And by the way, if we did this in their country, every fucking blonde haired person be hanging from the rafters. Right, right. Okay, you guys gonna. I know they felt bad. Yes. They felt harassed. They felt whatever. Everyone felt pressure. Everyone feels harassed. Right. Except for nothing ever happened.

[Mike Dawson]

Sorry, I'm getting a little mad here. But what's in it for npr? That's what I want to know. What the hell is in it for npr? Continue, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Somali Americans in Minnesota who operate childcare centers say they've received violent threats and have been targeted by vandalism. This follows posting of a video last week by a right wing YouTube influencer that he said shows evidence of fraud at Somali American child care center. The Trump administration. You can pause for a second.

[Mike Dawson]

He showed the evidence on.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, they always do this. You know, we're at with the verbiage everybody, whenever they go. Trump falsely claimed the election was stolen. No, no, Trump claimed the election was stolen.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And flat earthers claim the earth is flat. And the moon landing people deniers claim that. But you don't have to add the word falsely. That's what they're claiming.

[Mike Dawson]

Or with no evidence.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right. That's how they do it.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, go ahead. Responded to the video by suspending federal funding for child care centers not just in Minnesota, but around the US In.

[Mike Dawson]

A few minutes, we'll hear from the head of a child care center advocacy.

[Adam Carolla]

Group about how those cuts are affecting its members.

[Mike Dawson]

We start though, with details from Minnesota.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And let's just pause it for a second. Remember when the government shut down and the kids weren't going to get the food? Nothing ever happens. Pause all the child support you want. Pause all the free food. Pause all the snap. Pause it for a month. Let's see what happens. Because I answer, the answer is nothing because people will find a way. You'll fucking take care of. By the way, I didn't know I wasn't in childcare when I was a kid. We didn't have any fucking money. Just fucking hung out. And these days you're in school by the time you're five or six and you're done for the next decade and a half, I mean, you're just gone. So. And you get Your fucking free lunch. So what do we. What do we need to even do with you? Fucking raise your kids, you idiots. Or listen, here's the deal. Either don't shit out the kids or if you do shit out the kids, then raise them. That's my deal to you. You have a choice.

[Mike Dawson]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God. All right. Is this thing done?

[Mike Dawson]

Well, we could get into. I think everyone's kind of seen it and the idea that we're putting out there is out there. This is not. But I do want to say this. The house right next door to me in North Hollywood recently sold, and they did some work on it. And I was driving to my house the other day and I saw a sign that looked like a for sale sign. And I said, oh shit, he's flipping it. I hope I get good neighbors. I walked around the corner and looked closely at the sign. It's a daycare center now.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh oh.

[Mike Dawson]

Uh oh.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't trust anyone who opens a daycare center anymore. The fuck wants to be around other people's kids. Here's.

[Mike Dawson]

Here's what I hope. I fucking hope it's fraud. I pray it's fraud. I do not want daycare children in the backyard next to my house. I don't want that. Please be fraud.

[Adam Carolla]

Please be fraud. Blowing Dawson. All right. Good job, Dawson.

[Mike Dawson]

Thank you, boss.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks you guys for a good 2025 and thanks for hanging out spreading the word for 2026, everybody. And until next time, Adam Kroll for Mike Dawson saying mahalo.

[Mike Dawson]

Pick up your phone, leave us a voicemail. The number is 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see the Ace man, even if the show's sold out@adam corolla.com.

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[Mike Dawson]

You're welcome.

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[Mike Dawson]

You're welcome.