Todd Glass + Larry Miller (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Detailed Summary of The Adam Carolla Show Episode: Todd Glass + Larry Miller (Carolla Classics)

Release Date: April 18, 2025

Introduction The episode features Adam Carolla hosting a classic edition with guests Todd Glass and Larry Miller. Throughout the show, they delve into a variety of topics ranging from reality TV critiques and relationship dynamics to personal anecdotes and handling hecklers. The conversation is punctuated with humor, sharp insights, and candid exchanges, showcasing the trademark unfiltered style of The Adam Carolla Show.

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1. Popularity Contests and Reality TV

The discussion opens with Adam and his guests analyzing the nature of reality TV as a popularity contest, using the example of the then-recent season finale of "Bachelor Pad 2."

• Notable Quote:
  • Adam Carolla [05:38]: "It's just a popularity contest, Larry."

This segment critiques the shallow mechanics of reality shows, highlighting how superficial elements often overshadow meaningful content.

2. Relationship Dynamics and the Significance of Wedding Rings

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the symbolism of wedding rings and what their presence—or absence—indicates in relationships. The trio debates whether not wearing a ring suggests a lack of commitment or control dynamics within a partnership.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Larry Miller [07:42]: "Well, that's certainly not like my marriage. I wear the pants in my family, Adam."
  • Adam Carolla [09:43]: "Sometimes, yes."

Through humorous banter, they explore how wedding rings can reflect power structures and the nuances of relationship roles.

3. Dark Origins of Nursery Rhymes

Adam and his guests delve into the historical context of nursery rhymes, specifically examining "Ring Around the Rosie" and its alleged ties to the Black Plague.

• Notable Quote:
  • Larry Miller [13:34]: "She'd even say, she couldn’t stop laughing; we all just fall down and die."

This segment blends humor with historical analysis, shedding light on the often-overlooked grim origins of seemingly innocent children's verses.

4. Critique of the Movie "Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star"

The trio expresses their disdain for the movie "Bucky Larson," criticizing its lackluster performance and questioning the quality of its writing, attributing its failure to Adam Sandler's influence over production.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Adam Carolla [19:40]: "When is Sandler? When do we wrestle the bat away from his hand and tell him he's got to go sit in the dugout for a little while?"
  • Larry Miller [21:20]: "Movies have changed, Adam. And not for the better."

Their critique extends to the broader implications of celebrity involvement in film production, emphasizing how it can dilute the quality of creative output.

5. Handling Hecklers in Stand-Up Comedy

A key highlight of the episode is the discussion on strategies for dealing with hecklers during stand-up performances. Larry Miller shares his evolved approach, moving from humorous reprimands to more serious interventions aimed at maintaining the show's integrity.

• Notable Quote:
  • Larry Miller [157:03]: "So what I do is I decided, instead of handing it comedically, to really handle it seriously."

This shift underscores the importance of setting boundaries while preserving the atmosphere of comedy, offering listeners practical insights into managing disruptive audience members.

6. Celebrity Interactions: Stacy Keibler and George Clooney

Adam recounts a personal encounter with Stacy Keibler, detailing his brief interaction and his decision to refrain from pursuing anything further due to his existing relationship. The conversation touches on the complexities of celebrity relationships and personal boundaries.

• Notable Quote:
  • Adam Carolla [45:35]: "I was like, how could you be blown by? Too hot. I can do it."

This anecdote highlights the challenges of navigating personal relationships amidst the allure of celebrity culture.

7. Personal Stories and Health Updates

Allison Rosen opens up about her battle with inoperable brain cancer, sharing her journey and the positive impact of being transparent about her condition. Her openness fosters a deeper connection with listeners and underscores the show's commitment to addressing real-life struggles.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Allison Rosen [140:11]: "I have brain cancer and it is inoperable... I get MRIs every couple months just to check up on the progress."
  • Allison Rosen [152:26]: "I absolutely did an impersonation of Bill Cosby."

Her narrative serves as an inspiring testament to resilience and the power of community support.

8. The 'Nohari Window' Concept

Allison introduces the concept of the 'Nohari Window,' a tool designed to help individuals gain honest feedback about their personality flaws from friends. This segment emphasizes the value of self-awareness and constructive criticism in personal growth.

• Notable Quote:
  • Allison Rosen [122:00]: "The Nohari Window is something that allows you to anonymously tell you what they think your worst qualities are, as friends do."

This practical advice encourages listeners to seek genuine feedback for self-improvement.

9. Sponsor Mentions and Advertisements

Throughout the episode, there are brief mentions of sponsors like LegalZoom and Rakuten. As per the user's instruction, these segments have been acknowledged but are not the focus of the summary.

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Conclusion The episode epitomizes The Adam Carolla Show's blend of humor, candid conversation, and insightful commentary. From dissecting the superficiality of reality TV to sharing profound personal struggles, Adam Carolla, alongside Todd Glass and Larry Miller, delivers a compelling narrative that resonates with a diverse audience. Notably, Allison Rosen's personal story adds a layer of depth, reinforcing the show's commitment to authenticity and real-life relevance.

Overall Notable Quote:

• Adam Carolla [07:42]: "I'm really, really good at putting a couple of guys from the old neighborhood around who go, you're going out in cowboy boots. I go, yeah, why? It looks good, doesn't it?"

This quote encapsulates the show's ability to mix personal anecdotes with broader cultural observations, delivering content that is both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

With a five dollar meal deal with new McValue.

[Bald Bryan]

You pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink and a four piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money.

[Adam Carolla]

Prices and Participation may vary.

[Allison Rosen]

McDouble meal $6 in some markets for.

[Bald Bryan]

A limited time only.

[Todd Glass]

Craving your next action packed adventure? Audible delivers thrills of every kind on your command. Like Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir where a lone astronaut must save humanity from extinction. Narrated with stunning intensity by Ray Porter. From electrifying suspense and daring quests to spine tingling horror and romance in far off realms, unleash your adventure aside with gripping titles that'll keep you guessing. Discover exclusive Audible originals, hotly anticipated new releases and must listen bestsellers that hook you from the first minute. Because Audible knows there's no greater thrill than the one that speaks to you. Discover what lies beyond the edge of your seat. Start your free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery us that's audible.com wondery us.

[Allison Rosen]

Welcome to Kroll Classics. I'm real superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a separate podcast feed titled Kroll Classics available through Podcast One Premium. You can also find ad free archives for the Adam Carollo show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show and exclusive access to Adam's brand new podcast, Beat it out through Adam Corolla's substack adamkrolo.substack.com, make sure to sign up. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcorolo.com now on to the clips. Coming up, first day we have Adam Crull show 652 featuring Blake Anderson, Anders Holm, 2/3 of the workaholics. Really 3/4 if you count the creator and support a cast member. This is from back in 2011 with Allison and Brian. It's a very fun episode. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day Ball Brian.

[Todd Glass]

Hey Ace. Man, I'm not gonna finish this. Want it?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, what's going on? Larry Miller.

[Larry Miller]

Hi pal.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody loves Larry Miller. Yeah, he's like LL Cool J and Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam as well. Good to see you guys. All right, we got a big show planned for you. We'll do a little hypothetical road trip with Larry Miller. We got some news that we never really got to. We were so into our 911 coverage last evening that we didn't get into Any news? So I thought we'd start by just getting to some news before we got to the hypothetical road trip. Rosen and her new.

[Bald Bryan]

Live from the International News center, next.

[Adam Carolla]

To Donnie's mini bikes, this is the.

[Bald Bryan]

News with Allison Rosen.

[Todd Glass]

Monday marks a historic and political television event featuring eight individuals fighting for airtime to present their agenda to the American public. I'm speaking, of course, of the season finale of Bachelor Pad 2.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you are.

[Todd Glass]

I'm not really, but that is Monday night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they take good looking people, they put them in bathing suits, they do all sorts of stuff somebody just figured out. Like, look, you could write a whole bunch of these things called words and put them in a thing called an order and then have people who could, who are good at repeating those just repeat them. Or you could take good looking people, put them in a bathing suit and just have them wrestle in a pool.

[Todd Glass]

Turns out I don't even care about words. I can't not watch this.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't not not. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, you watch it. Yes, I watch it. No, I've seen it. What happens is when you're flip flopping around the channel and you're just scooting along and you scoot past a very special episode of Law and Order, you just keep going. But when you see people having at it in a chicken fight, in a thong back, you stop because that's how you're wired.

[Todd Glass]

Or kissing each other and one of them is wearing a blindfold, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And somebody figured it out. Somebody figured out that look, people running on giant inflatable bridges. Bridges being kicked by novelty shoes like from the twenties in the ass and hit in the face with shaving cream pies. It's just something we'll never turn away from.

[Larry Miller]

From the twenties, you mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, damn mother your era. No, I just mean it's that kind of thing where people say, you know, they do that like trivia stuff where they go, the Hershey bar was established in what year? 1881? 1911 or 1921 back after this.

[Todd Glass]

And then they would take the shock paddles on you.

[Adam Carolla]

You would sit there and just listen to your mom being raped. If they had a five minute, you know, they have a five minute loop of that until they got back. Because you would make that little thing. I bet you it's 1899. That's what I betcha. That's what I. And then you'll sit there and it's the same thing they do with this. It's like, it's like you are wired to Make a bet with yourself and then sit there until you get your answer. And you are wired to stare at people who look good in their bathing suits.

[Todd Glass]

Yes. Now, I have not googled the spoilers, which is a lot of progress for me because I'm the kind of person who will. I can't resist. I read the last page, I google the spoilers. But anyway, in real news, tonight is the first ever Tea Party Republican debate. And there's eight candidates who are debating Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, who by the way, they look alike. Michele Bachman, Ron Paul, Jon Huntsman, Herman Cain, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just a popularity contest, Larry. I don't know if you've ever heard this jag, but that, you know, when people go like, you know, you winning student body president. It's just a popularity contest. My answer to that is thank you. That's right. Thank you.

[Larry Miller]

Well, so is a standing ovation.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who does? Popularity contest.

[Todd Glass]

The popularity contest.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting a blow job is winning a popularity contest. The point is, is. Yeah, I'll take it.

[Larry Miller]

So is giving one, Adam, but my.

[Adam Carolla]

Popularity contest was just you of that.

[Todd Glass]

Me too, sure, but.

[Larry Miller]

But it was only one night to take that picture off the screen though. That was, that was so necessary for me. I'm like a child. I couldn't. No, now it's back. I couldn't stop looking at the dark haired woman in the center in the white bathing suit and the blonde up front. I think that follows my Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson thing.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, where you like anyone who has a butt and boobs.

[Larry Miller]

By the way, I've soured on Kim. I'm sorry to say that there's something turning for me and I don't know what it is. I'll have to think about that and.

[Adam Carolla]

Write it up and think about it like they know.

[Larry Miller]

Well, because people have just said now it's too much. The pictures of her and the husband who seems like an amiable kind of guy, you know, but he doesn't photograph well. He looks like one of these guys, but not as bright.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's lacking symmetry because he's probably like 6, 8.

[Allison Rosen]

He's lacking a chromosome.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's something missing. You wonder what. And you know, there's that thing where you try to figure out what is in it for whom in the relationship. Like what is. Why is she there? I know she likes jocks. I know she likes sort of guys who play sports, guys who play football, guys who play basketball. Then every once in a while you'll see that chick and you'll realize, oh, she's with that guy because she can control him. Meaning she gets to call the shots. He ain't going anywhere. She's making all the money, and he's the one who's gonna listen to her. And he's not leaving her.

[Larry Miller]

Well, that's certainly not like my marriage. I wear the pants in my family, Adam.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, well, I actually have a news story about them. It's important. He has not been wearing his ring lately. His not so subtle black diamond wedding ring, which was unleashed on the World on August 20 wedding, and he hasn't been wearing it. And the reason I want to talk about this is what is the rule? Because my dad doesn't wear a wedding ring, but he is married, and I think that his father didn't wear one and my mom's dad didn't wear one. So I thought it was a generation thing, but now I realize, no, I just come from a long line of people who want to appear that they could be philanderers. But then everyone was wearing rings. But now I have some married guy friends who don't wear them.

[Adam Carolla]

There's this thing, or they didn't when.

[Todd Glass]

I slept with them.

[Adam Carolla]

And let's. Let's try to figure this out. Is it the same as the hyphenated last name? Is it the equivalent on the sort of what would you rather Sort of thing? Do you know what I mean? Like, I have a son and I have a daughter, and I don't think I would be nuts. Well, actually, strike that. It's my last name that would be hyphenated now. So now I'm all for it. But the point is, the hyphenated last name is sort of a thing where you think, eh, eh, that's a compromise for the dude and the chick. For the chick, the compromise is no wearing the ring. I wear a ring. Just because the ladies throw themselves at you. Well, I think the thing is, if you don't wear a ring, you have to not have an agenda, you know, you just have to. She is my terrified. You just have to be one of these dudes that doesn't wear jewelry, never wore a ring. You have to establish it early and often, and it has to not mean anything.

[Allison Rosen]

That's exactly. If you're gonna be no ring guy, you better throw down that gauntlet real soon and stick to it, too. Don't be ring off. Ring on.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes, yes. Well, I'll tell you. I'll tell you a couple pieces of advice One is I have a large growth that prevents me from removing my ring. Now I actually had fun with my daughter who likes to fuck around all the time where she said, I'm gonna take daddy's ring. Like I was laying in bed the other day and I said knock yourself out, sweetie. And she was grinding as you can't, can't get over this large Chinese finger cuts growth I have. How did it get on?

[Larry Miller]

How'd you get it on in the first place?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, third date. Oh, the ring. Geez, that's a pretty invasive question, Larry. We're talking about my wife.

[Larry Miller]

Larry's changing.

[Adam Carolla]

So not for the better. I like when people add that.

[Larry Miller]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

We could tell by your super persnickety tone you weren't saying it's had a vast improvement. Larry's changing, he's lost weight. It's never that. No, it's never.

[Larry Miller]

And not for the not for the better. Sounds like something that one of the neighbors says on the Andy May of Griffith show, right? You know, to auntie and not for the better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and I wonder if the guy who's in a coin that experimented with some alternates like Larry's changing and it's for the worser and then went like, nah, that doesn't.

[Larry Miller]

Didn't get past the east Coast.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't work. That didn't work. And not for the better. But it could still be a lateral move, I guess.

[Larry Miller]

And no one's happy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Larry seems happy after 40 years of.

[Larry Miller]

Trying phrases and not for the better. And once it caught on, by the way, ironically, he died that second. Just collapsed, never saw the fruits of his success.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that same guy had been trying to get believe you me off the ground for 30 years. And again the second after he died, that's when it caught fire. Believe you me. So hold on a second. I shouldn't believe. Believe you me, Larry's changing and not for the better. So you're lying.

[Larry Miller]

No, no, I'm saying believe you. So I should believe you. Why don't you just say I should believe you me. It was me. What?

[Adam Carolla]

You said believe what me?

[Larry Miller]

Why me? Is this Ebonics? Why shouldn't you just say believe Larry?

[Adam Carolla]

You What? No, it's all right.

[Larry Miller]

Next. Bring the next candidate in.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the believe you me.

[Larry Miller]

That's fabulous. That would be a good book, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that old England? Believe ye thy like thee. What did that even get off the ground? I would love Morgan Spurlock. If you're listening, the next Stock one is how did the whole Rod Stewart stomach pumped, semen filled thing way before the Internet, east coast, west coast, every part of everyone shouted, how did that get off the ground? Number one. Number two, how did the. This little piggy went to the market get off the ground? Because it's close to retarded. I mean, there's certain games, like, you know, when you see Monopoly, you go, all right, I could see why people would enjoy playing this game. But this little piggy went to the market and this little piggy went home. And this little piggy had roast beef and this little piggy had nuts. It's like, what? They don't. Yeah, they don't eat roast beef, they eat slop. And then this will be. But creatively, this little piggy had roast beef is, you know, it's a two and a half. But this little piggy had none is a minus three. I mean, you've got nothing if zero riding. She goes, this little piggy, I'm saying, how did that get off the ground.

[Larry Miller]

And get over the world for 500 years?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Todd Glass]

And if he went all the way home, where was he? And how did he get that far? He's little, by the way.

[Larry Miller]

Well, once you have a full stomach full of roast beef, you can get anywhere. But that's why ring around the rosie. I'm sure you know this or maybe you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Exactly.

[Larry Miller]

It was the. The plague from the black plague.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

Which people may not know. That was the first sign. A ring around a rose colored sore under your arm.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right.

[Larry Miller]

And a pocket full of posy was what they carried to take the smell away a little bit. Because the decaying flesh, ashes, ashes, they just burned them all. They couldn't bury them. And then we all fall down. Ha ha ha. We all fall down, we die.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Larry Miller]

And so somehow from 1350, it got around today. I'll bet you a dollar every kid still knows that today.

[Adam Carolla]

It is insane. I gotta tell you, I got the. My kids came home with the jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, Batmobile. Wow. How does this work?

[Larry Miller]

One of my kids, years ago, said six or seven came home from school, he said there was a word today that one of the kids was saying this aunt. It's this big, big word. And I don't. Anti. Anti. I can't remember. And I turned from the pan and with an open mouth and said, you don't mean anti disestablishmentarianism? And he said, yeah, and this is the same thing on a playground, not in school. But that word, as a crazy word.

[Todd Glass]

When I first heard that, it's like came down.

[Larry Miller]

Same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Believe you, Larry, that's still going on today.

[Todd Glass]

And remember all those. This is more a girl thing. But the Miss Sue. Ms. Sue. Ms. Sue from Alabama. Did you guys do that? It was like a hand clapping thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you'd clap. Yeah, we. Well, there's the. There, there was. That was more the hand jivey thing. But the thing that don't like white people strikes me as bizarre is the game that everybody plays, the hand slap game that has no name. No one knows what that game is. Where you put your hands on your palms there. No, I'm talking about where you do that thing and the guy sets his hands on top and you try to slap him before. Whatever. There's no name for it. No one ever says a name for it. Someone will tweet me the name of it, but nobody. I talk to an audience of 200 people. No one knows what the name is.

[Todd Glass]

I'm Matt and we need to come up with a good nursery rhyme for herpes.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm, Herpes. Herpes. We all shed virus.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, see?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, that's good.

[Todd Glass]

Pass that on, you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult.

[Todd Glass]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Allison Rosen]

Of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Adam Carolla]

See full [e-mail] Ring around the Ball sack. A pocket full of Valtrax shedding.

[Todd Glass]

Karen's a slut.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Karen. Yeah, we'd work her name.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, we'd work a Breva into it.

[Larry Miller]

And it all ends with the person you got it from. The name of the person.

[Adam Carolla]

I was trying to.

[Todd Glass]

Even if I say your name, you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Somehow. Somehow though, the Black Plague thing has come full circle. Because it went from, you know, the Black Plague to a fun, light hearted children's, you know, schoolyard game to creepy things in 80s horror movies. That's right. We used to sit around when we're supposed to be writing jokes for Kimmel instead. Because, you know, when you're in a writer's room, you have to think of things to do instead of what you're being paid for. We all just sit around and go. That physical manifestation in the 80s movie of the kid who died. And it'd be the swing swinging with nobody on it. It'd be the ball bouncing across the street. The trike turned over, just a wheel turning, you know, and ever sock being.

[Todd Glass]

Crumpled up and putting. Put under the bed. That's really funny.

[Larry Miller]

Ball bouncing across the street is a good one, by the way. I would like to put the creative community on notice. I've had it. I've hit the wall on movies where they suddenly, you know, you meet the kid and. No, the kid was dead. He's not really there.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

You know, and they're on an island and the. The house is. Shut it up and. No, the grandmother was killed 500 years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

I've had it. I can't take it anymore. Investing time in characters. No, he's really on the other side.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

I'm done. I can't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I am. I agree. Believe you me, Larry Miller, you are.

[Larry Miller]

And by the way, movies. Movies have changed, Adam. And not for the better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they have. They have things called talkies now.

[Larry Miller]

And not for the and more is the pity. That' and more is the pity.

[Todd Glass]

Well, speaking of movies, Bucky Larson bombed this past weekend, this past weekend was one of the worst move worst weekend for movies of 2011. But Bucky Larson was especially awful. It did not even crack the top 10. It made 540,000 on Friday, 570,000 on Saturday. So 1.2 million altogether. It was quite short of the hope for 4 million.

[Adam Carolla]

When is Sandler? When do we wrestle the bat away from his hand and tell him he's got to go sit in the dugout for a little while? I mean, he was one of the lead writers on that movie. His movies, his movies are usually pretty shitty. But his second string guys, he has a whole group of second string guys who go out and make their movies. Those movies are embarrassingly bad. And obviously he has Sony in a stranglehold because he just says, look, here's what we're doing. I went over there to pitch a movie idea that I have with a friend of mine, Nick Santora once, and we got a sort of lesson on what funny is from the brains that brought you Paul Blart, Mall Cop. Always a delightful moment when you have to sit across a desk from a blowhard to explain to you what funny is, and you're staring at posters behind his back of the unfunniest fucking pieces of shit on the planet. It's always, always a delight. But somebody's got to say something. He needs a Ray in his life. That's the problem. You see, I keep a couple of guys from the old neighborhood around who go, you're going out in cowboy boots. I go, yeah, why? It looks good, doesn't it? No, you look gay. Go back in there, get some PF flyers on. You need a couple of those guys. Somebody's got to get to Sandler and go, are you fucking high? No. Yeah, basically this. Hey, did you get a chance to read the script for Bucky Larson over the weekend? Yeah, I did. Well, actually, I got 31 pages in and then I vomited. It sucked. Don't make this, Adam. It's embarrassing.

[Allison Rosen]

And improve the script.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, how much FU money do you have in a fucking bank? What are they doing? I don't get it. What's your fucking legacy?

[Todd Glass]

At every level, it seems like something that would not do well, like something that no one. It just seems so out of place at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Nick Swartzen's a nice guy, but he's not a star.

[Todd Glass]

I think he's funny, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's definitely a talented. He's definitely a talented. How does he get sucked into it? He's Sandler has His guys. He puts his guys in his movies, and then he lets the B team make their own movies. And I don't think Sony has a choice. I think it's the mob when they come by the ice cream store and they go, you gotta give me 50 bucks a week to make sure the glass doesn't break in front of the thing. And they go, what problem? It'd be a shame to see this place catch on fire. Like, he must have something on Sony, because there's no way. Sony executives, I'm sure, are dumb, but they don't want to make this movie. When somebody says, hey, we have this horrible script and a horrible premise, and it's starring a guy you don't know, they don't go, and we're going to.

[Todd Glass]

Make the most annoying ad campaign.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll launch the most annoying ad campaign ever. They're not dying to get in business. They just know, you either make this, or maybe the ice cream shop catches on fire. You have to make this film, or you don't get to make Adam's next film. And I don't get it, because Sandler's a nice guy and he's a talented guy, and some of these guys are talented, but Jesus Christ.

[Larry Miller]

You know what? You never know with a script, either in drama or comedy, though, sometimes. Because if you think back to the Mike Myers movies, the. You know, all the Austin Powers movies, there are so many personal bits in those, you can't write them. They're not in the script.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

And it's just an actual amazing thing like that the bit with the son of. You know, when they edit that, it's just. You can't write that in a script. So you never know if it's under someone's creative control. You never know what can ultimately be funny or. Or be dramatic. I've learned a lesson with auditions. I had. I passed on True Romance, which is, I think, one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. It's a fabulous movie in every way. But when I read the script at the time, I thought, this is really morally bankrupt. This is like a terrible thing. And it's actually one of the most moral, wonderful stories in the world. So you know what? I will never make a mistake again by saying, you know what? Someone may have a vision for a script. Someone may be a great director, someone may tell it a different way. The stars may make it this way, and in that case, it was a.

[Adam Carolla]

Smash cut to Larry doing gay porn.

[Larry Miller]

Well, I don't know if smash cut is the right phrase there, believe you me. Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, what was the part? It was the young Elvis Presley.

[Larry Miller]

It was the Bronson Pinchot part of the assistant to the drug dealer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

And they're all such a great actress. They're also wonderful. It's a wonderful movie. It's a great movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You think it's great? I very, very bad memories of that movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, what happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Very bad. You know what happened.

[Allison Rosen]

The true romance.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Phil Rosenthal's house, first night out.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, is that where you were?

[Adam Carolla]

Saul Rubenescki, whatever his name was. Rubinek. Yeah. I don't know if you know this. I hope you're sitting down. Sometimes Jews can be a little long winded sometimes. Sometimes. And I get invited to Phil Rosenthal's house. People who are listening have heard it, so I'll make it quick.

[Allison Rosen]

But you only mentioned the Ten Commandments one on this show, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I had to. It might have been a one on one show. Maybe it was. Yeah, it was a one on one. I get invited to Phil Rosenthal from Everyone Loves Raymond. Nicest dude in the world. Nicest. And has a pizza oven. And this is what you do when you have syndicated show money. Goes to his favorite restaurant, Mosa, gets a brick for brick representation made of the pizza oven and then hires the pizza chef every Sunday night to come over and make pizzas at his house while people drink red wine. And we go into his, you know, 30 seat theater and we watch on a 25 foot screen whatever movie he happens to be showing. Now also as part of it, he gets one of the people that was involved with the movie, one of players, producers, directors, whatever, to come out there. The Chuck Heston one was everyone's dead from Moses or Ten Commandments or whatever I was watching. But he had Chuck Heston's kid, who was the kid in the basket, who was the baby Moses floating down the nile, who's now 65 and 55 years old, sitting next to me in cowboy boots the whole time, which was freaky watching him going down, his dad picking him up or not picking him up, but then becoming his dad and seeing his dad and the whole thing. So I'll make this fast. I go over there and it is Norman Lear and a bunch of luminaries like that, and everyone's eating beautiful pizza and drinking red wine. And it's Sunday nights and I just happen to be covering. I'm going to guest host Loveline, which starts at 10:00 Sunday night. Well, Phil lives in some enclave that's sort of halfway in Midtown off of Wilshire. Wilshire. Next to whatever the Great, great, great property. Great town.

[Larry Miller]

I know the one you mean.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm talking about. And it's literally a little more than halfway to Loveline, which is in Culver City. And it's at night. I'm gonna make it there in 15, 16 minutes from Rosenthal's place. So I say to the guy, you know, what time does the movie start? And he says, we start eating pizza about 6. We usually file in about 6:45. They'll start rolling about 7. Usually a little before 7 movies. 2 hours and 15 minutes. You should be fine. It'll be over, you know, It'll be over by 9:15, maybe 9:20. You can hop in your car and go to Loveline. I said, okay. I then make the mistake of it's the first time I'm there. I don't know anybody, that thing. I'm alone, and I sit down in the very front, like, on a pillow, like, on the floor. Movie's great. There's Saul Rubin Ek going through his thing, doing the whole thing. And he's the guy who's going to speak on the movie. Then the movie ends, and I check my cell phone, and it's like 9:18. And I say, all right, I got 20, 25 minutes before I got to be heading for my car. Saul stands up, starts the story about the casting. It's going on and it's going on and it's going on. And I'm. Now I'm looking at my phone, and it's 9:37, and it's 9:41. And I'm like. I'm down at the bottom of the theater. He's standing up in the back. There's no back exit. I'm gonna have to stand up. Everyone is sitting there looking at him. I will have to stand up, announce, I must leave and go to work on a Sunday night, by the way, at 9:45. Like, nothing sounds like more bullshit than, it's 9:45 Sunday night. I gotta get to work. Where are you working?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, where are you waiting to work?

[Adam Carolla]

Where are you working? You know? So it's like, I gotta get to work. I have no idea what. And I'm looking. And at a certain point at, like, 9:44, he goes. And that's when I knew I got the role. And I start to, like, stand up. And he. You know, another quick one from the set. And I'm like. And I'm. Now I'm already up. And I just do the. Sorry, everyone. And it's like, you know, out of the movie, where everyone sort of turns and looks down. Looks down at me. I have to go. There's a radio show I have to do. Like, again. It's like, it's Sunday night. Everyone's been drinking wine for three hours. They're like, what? And thank you so much, Saul. Get back to the story. And of course, he's not going to let this opportunity go to waste. You're walking out. This is the best part of the Whatever. And I'm like, there's a show called Loveline. It's a little out of everyone's demo here, but it's. I'm host. I don't do it anymore. But I'm hosting tonight. But it's on Sunday. I got to thank you so much, Phil. And as I'm leaving, and this is the only thing that could make it worse. Jeff Garland. And the thing is, is Jeff Garland's a colossal blowhard as well. So between Saul and Jeff, it's the fucking Mothra against Rodan, the blowhard department. They're destroying Tokyo. And as I'm leaving, Jeff Garland stands up and goes, well, I'm going, too. And I'm like, no, I didn't start this exodus. I'm going to work. Jeff Garland is like, I've heard enough on way too fucking long. So now I'm like, jeff Garland just basically goes, fuck it. Jeff literally says, I have nowhere to go, but I'm leaving. And so he splits. And I never got to bottom of it with Saul. All I know is the next time I was there was to watch Spinal Tap. And this time had nowhere to go after the show. And Fred Willard was the guest speaker of honor. And after the Spinal Tap ended, Fred Willard stood up and said, a lot of those lines were improv, improvised. We had a heck of a time, and I think we shot it in about seven weeks. Thank you, and enjoy the ride home. I was like, what? Where the fuck was Fred Willard when I was going to Loveline?

[Larry Miller]

And then there's someone bending over you, taking the glass out of your hand, right? You know what? What's funny is you're tougher than I am. And I would have no trouble saying in an instant. That's a perfect thing to say, because it's true. You have to do what you have to do. You know what? I gotta go. Got a show to do. Take care. And by the way, it's also fun. We work together.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was at the bottom of the theater. I've never been There in the bathroom.

[Todd Glass]

If I'm inside in a movie theater, people have to go over for some.

[Larry Miller]

Reason, then the both of you are getting. And I would have no problem in any situation doing that because it's more or less an obvious thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotta go. It seems spurious because A, he's been blowing. First off there's a guilt factor. Cuz he's been blowing hard for 22 minutes. And everyone after a belly full of pizza and wine and a 2 hour and 21 minute movie, they just want to get the fuck out of there. So it seems like you feel guilty because if you're leaving an orgy to go to work, nobody thinks you're bullshitting. You know, you never pull out of a train and go, I gotta punch the clock and everyone. Yeah, right. What are you doing? No, when you're being blown by two hot chicks, you don't. And you gotta go to work. You gotta go to work. Yeah. I'm saying I a felt like they.

[Todd Glass]

Thought, how could you be blown by? Too hot. I can do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I felt guilty. I felt they thought I was just saying I wanted to go home because. And again, Sunday night at 9:45 doesn't seems like where the fuck are you going? To work.

[Larry Miller]

It's just so weird. You're the most guilt free human I've ever met. And this one example that's granite and crystal clear to me and effortless is the one thing you say I can't.

[Adam Carolla]

You know why? Because I am very conscious of how people perceive me. And I cannot stand being in a group and raising my hand and saying, excuse me, I don't understand what you're saying or I need some help. Or you know when they do that thing where there's 30 people sitting around and the guy says, all right, any questions? Even if I was going parasailing and I didn't know if my chute was packed correctly, I would still just sit there and not say anything. I wouldn't be, yeah, I got a question. I could never be that guy raises his hand in the group. And I knew since I wasn't sitting in the back. I learned later to sit in the back and have Chuck Heston on the business side or Chuck Heston senior, junior or whatever son's name is. But I had him, you know, his protection. But yeah, if I was in the back, I could have snuck out. I knew I was going to have to stand up and walk right through the middle of this place up the stairs and pass Saul to get out of there. But I Appreciate you siding with me, Larry.

[Larry Miller]

No, again, no, frankly, again, I'm stunned in a sense. I've never, never felt the guy, the hand raising guy is a jerk. Always has been. I went to a traffic school thing once. They let us out early. They, this teacher said, I'm not supposed to do this. It was a Sunday, right? People were hungover, or so I'm told.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Larry Miller]

And they, the guy said, you know what? After he came back from lunch, you're supposed to be here till 5, but it's 2:10, you know, we've covered a bunch of stuff. I'll let you out. And there was a, there was a guy who raised his hand. Any, any questions? A guy raises his hand and says, yes, well, when you cross the double yellow line, is it true that in traffic people were ready to kill him? And then the teacher even said, okay, anyway, is that it? Any more questions? Someone else raises a hand and says, so I'm just wondering when you make a left turn and you could hear.

[Adam Carolla]

The room just went, ah, you know what those people need? Those people need the full metal jacket upper bunk beating where he just.

[Larry Miller]

With the soap, with the bars.

[Adam Carolla]

They're just asleep. The guy's just asleep. It's like 4am everyone from the driver's ed class shows up all of a sudden, a rolled up shirt over the guy's mouth. You, Larry, you hold it down. Everyone else is just beating the out of him with a pillowcase filled with bars of soap. And then when he's done, he's just writhing. You go, any questions? And you know, everyone just goes off into the night. That's what all those guys need. It's the same. The younger version of that guy is when the social study teachers on a, you know, hot Friday afternoon at 1 minute to 3, as the bell is about to ring, says, all right you guys, don't do anything stupid. Over the hand comes flying up. Any chapters you want us to read? Oh, wait, oh yes, hold on, sorry. We the people, chapters 15 through 21, have it read by Monday.

[Bald Bryan]

People.

[Adam Carolla]

There'll be a quiz. That guy needs to Bar soap, full metal jacket, cot beating himself, by the.

[Larry Miller]

Way, these people are so stupid though, and they're so pathological about raising their hands. I'll bet you that after the soap bar beating, as everyone walked away, he would still say, so does a blinking red light mean you stop? They can't stop themselves.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh Larry, you would have loved me when I taught trafficking school. I was dynamite. I was dynamite. We'd go out to lunch for Two hours. Sometimes we'd sit around and play Frisbee. I mean, it was. All I had to do was figure out that there were no NARCs from the DMV and no ass wipes from my traffic school that were monitoring me. And once I figured that out, it was home free and we just partied. I didn't. I spent. I would literally spend the first three hours asking people where they got their ticket and how they got their ticket. Like that was the first three hours of my class.

[Todd Glass]

Would you do crowd work?

[Adam Carolla]

I would do crowd work, yeah. It was the greatest thing ever. All right, should we do a little hypothetical road trip questions here?

[Larry Miller]

I'm ready.

[Adam Carolla]

You ready? It's the hypothetical road trip game.

[Bald Bryan]

The game where there are no.

[Adam Carolla]

No wrong answers.

[Bald Bryan]

We're driving to Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

The hypothetical road trip game is sponsored.

[Bald Bryan]

By Discount tire and America's Tire. Different names, same great company.

[Adam Carolla]

If you need tires for your next hypothetical road trip, check out discount tire.com.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, by the way, I've been dancing all day because I'm on Shake it Up. I know you've been dancing before and I'm. And I'm tired, but I have to tell you, I'm really ready for the game tonight. And I.

[Allison Rosen]

And I.

[Adam Carolla]

Feeling good.

[Larry Miller]

I always look forward to it. I know my record has been spotty, but I'm really moving into the future. Maybe it's because I was dancing, but I feel great. Let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's imagine you people can do this.

[Larry Miller]

Let's play.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's play. Well, I'll start off. I'll start right off. Jeff Garland or Sal Ruben.

[Larry Miller]

You know what? This is an easy question because they're both. They're both friends. I've worked with them both. I see them with some regularity. So I would have to say. And I dare you to buzz me on this one, I would have to say either one because I like them both.

[Adam Carolla]

Either one.

[Larry Miller]

And I like them both.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. Both blowhard.

[Larry Miller]

Come on. But that's like the trick question.

[Adam Carolla]

They're both blowhard. Come on. That would seem like a trip to the moon and back with those two. Come on now, Larry, you know better than that. All right, 0 for 1. Let's move forward. Southwest flight attendant who tries to be funny.

[Larry Miller]

Let's play.

[Adam Carolla]

Or 50 year old guy who went to burning man.

[Larry Miller]

Oh, it so happens.

[Adam Carolla]

From Burning Man.

[Larry Miller]

I do. It so happens. See this one, by the way? This one is actually easy. Seems difficult, but is is in reality easy because I have a 50 year old friend who, who's been to Burning man goes to Burning man every single year. And I love talking about it because he loves talking about his experiences. It's very deep, actually. Now I would normally.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. You're not talking about one of the guys from the synagogue named Bernie Mann, who he goes to his house and plays ganast at on a Saturday night.

[Larry Miller]

Still speaking.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Larry Miller]

I must tell you, I know exactly what it is. The Burning man festival is, is deep when people go to this every single year. I could never go. I mean, he said, why don't you come with me? And I, I, I, I can't. Because you can't breathe. I, I wouldn't, it's just not for me. He's been there every year for 20 years.

[Adam Carolla]

You like booze, not peyote.

[Larry Miller]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Larry Miller]

And I like a stool in an air conditioned room.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

Not peyote.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

And I like someone saying, well, like the motto of the show, you call that a double?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

Not peyote.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

I would like an extra, I would like someone to say, lock the door and say, you know, we're going to stay after closing time.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

Not peyote.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

But I love hearing about that. Normally I would always choose, by the way, Southwest airline flight attendant, because I like the color of the airline and I like that, that blue shirt they wear. But in this case, it's an easy choice. I would always take Burning man, never Southwest. You know what, you know what? Now I'm starting to get steamed because that's first, first of all, there's no wrong answer. Second of all, though, I, I gotta.

[Adam Carolla]

Say, the Burning man guy's obviously packing at some point. I mean, he's got drugs on him at some point. You're gonna get pulled over. He's gonna do that thing where he leans across and says, hey man, what's the matter? No one robbing any banks. And then you're gonna get the extra cop duck. Sir, need you to do for me right now is go ahead. Yes, you and the macrame sweater with the owl on it. You're gonna need you to go ahead and get out of the car right now. And then he's gonna find the peyote on the guy and it's going to tell you it's like a Class 5 drug or something like that, and that you're going to end up going into because you're essentially harboring blah, blah, blah, you know, legally, obviously. It's, it's a publicity nightmare. Larry, use your head.

[Larry Miller]

I guess I Never thought of it that way.

[Caller]

Let's play some games.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's play. Guy. And I miss this dude. Boy, do I miss this dude. Okay, guy who changed the Toyota truck on the back of the Toyota to Yo or Oi or Yoda or, you know, just modify, modify that.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or. And this is one, this is an old school one. The guy who modified the In N Out Burger bumper sticker.

[Larry Miller]

In N Out Urge.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I was gonna say. First of all, I like ones that lets the ladies know you're ready for action.

[Allison Rosen]

I've never seen.

[Adam Carolla]

Too Young Son or.

[Larry Miller]

It'S annoying little cousin the mud flap with the naked silhouette right on the. On the truck.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Yosemite Sam telling you to back off.

[Larry Miller]

But this one, by the way, I would. Oh, this one. This one can. First of all, I'm not even going to qualify it. I'm right. Because this one, I would always choose the In N Out Burger guy over the yo guy. Because yo and Yoda and Oi or whatever it is are clever. But a full thought and a full sentiment of in and Out Urge. Well, to me all, all I could say is, you know, more is the better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This man clearly sexually addicted. Larry, do you really want to be alone in a vehicle for hours with a man who has an addiction? This guy's never gone out in his life, Larry. Let's keep moving forward.

[Larry Miller]

I guess I never thought of it that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Larry Miller, everybody. Nice try as well as per usual. I love the game this week with Larry Miller, by the way, right here on acelarymiller.com and the ACE Broadcasting Network. Also find him on Letterman coming up on September 23rd. That's exciting.

[Larry Miller]

That's right. By the way, I'm going to be at the Green Bay, the Meyer Theater in Green Bay, Wisconsin on the 16th. That's this Friday, Hacketstown, New Jersey on the 17th at Centenary College with my one man show, Cocktails with Larry Miller. And well, I'll come back with stories.

[Adam Carolla]

South Bend, Indiana, coming up on September 23rd.

[Larry Miller]

That's right, at Notre Dame.

[Adam Carolla]

Again, sorry, Next time you play the hypothetical road trip game. Now, we do have one that begins that doesn't begin with Sorry, Larry. Right.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh yeah, it's this big fanfare and a huge congratulation.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm dying to play it. But that's loaded. We have it. It's not just the one. It's a. Sorry, Larry. I just want to make sure there's another one out there. I don't want you to think for a second that somehow this is premeditated.

[Larry Miller]

I'm not worried because I love to play.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right. I'll tell you, if there isn't one, you should consult my good friends over at legal Zoom because I think you got a case here. Larry Miller, waiting for the perfect time to start that dream business. How about now? But you got to be smart with your cash, right, Allison Rosen?

[Todd Glass]

Yes, you do.

[Adam Carolla]

That means keeping the legal fees to a minimum. That's my. I recommend legalzoom.com answer a few simple questions online. Fast, easy. What would you guess, Allison? That the percentage of satisfaction that they guarantee.

[Todd Glass]

95, 94, 96, 97.

[Adam Carolla]

You're freezing. You're not even warm anymore. Warmer.

[Todd Glass]

100.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Todd Glass]

100.

[Adam Carolla]

100% satisfaction. Trial tested documents personalized for your business. Start a corporation or LLC for as little as. What do you think, Larry?

[Larry Miller]

First of all, 100% satisfaction was my slogan when I was single, but I changed it.

[Adam Carolla]

In and out urge.

[Larry Miller]

I said no. I changed it to I'm thorough.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I like that.

[Larry Miller]

But 33% satisfaction.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think the price is for the LLC or the corporation is the price.

[Larry Miller]

I would go with $280.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. How about $99? You could open like eight corporations for the price you quoted.

[Larry Miller]

Let me. Let me just finish. $283 in 500 years when it's worthless today. If you'd let me finish, I was going to say $99.

[Adam Carolla]

Legal Zoom is not a law firm. They provide self help services at your direction. For even more savings, enter Adam and the referral box at checkout. Start your business right, protect your family and safeguard your assets. [e-mail] that's legalzoom.com all right. From the hit show on Comedy Central, workaholics Anders home and Blake Anderson is coming up next. From Comedy Central's workaholics Anders home and.

[Bald Bryan]

Blake Anderson on the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Good to see one of you again.

[Caller]

Hey, how's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for coming in.

[Caller]

Oh, thank you for having us.

[Adam Carolla]

Coming into season two. Season premieres Tuesday, September 20 10:30 Comedy Central House Comedy Central been treating you well?

[Caller]

Yeah, they gave us a show, so that's pretty cool.

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they've been leaving you alone?

[Caller]

They have been. For the most part, they've been pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty. They're a good sign or a horrible sign.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now if you go into season two and they're leaving you alone, that's good.

[Caller]

Yeah. So they have been pretty hands off, I guess.

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We said, tell people. The only reason I ever wanted to get ratings and anything I ever did was to be left alone. Yeah, it's a real sad state of comedy, but just being. Having a little autonomy and just getting good enough ratings so everyone didn't have an opinion. Because if your ratings are shitty. Hold on. Are you allergic to compelling talk?

[Todd Glass]

Is there going to be some.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, whoa, whoa.

[Allison Rosen]

Shots fired.

[Caller]

Shots fired.

[Todd Glass]

Yes, I am.

[Adam Carolla]

If you get shitty. If you get shitty ratings, then everyone has a fucking opinion and you have to listen to them.

[Caller]

Yeah. Because they're like, well, you're not doing something right.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Caller]

But also, I think if you get really, really good ratings, then they're like, well, I want to put my stamp on it. Like, my idea. So you want to be middle of the road. You don't want to be Seinfeld. You want to be like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You want. Like, just.

[Caller]

What's another show?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what you're looking for.

[Todd Glass]

Strangers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Perfect.

You want to be perfect. That's what we want to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what you want. I'll tell you what you want. Remember Suzanne Somers had that show Step By Step?

[Caller]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

I wasn't finished.

[Caller]

That was quick.

[Adam Carolla]

It was called Step by Step, and it was on Friday nights, and Patrick Duffy played her husband.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That show was on, like, nine seasons, and it was on Friday night prime time on, like, abc. And it was just. It was on, but no one knew it was on or gave a shit or somehow. I mean, people must.

[Caller]

We knew it was on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we knew, too. And obviously when Allison Rosen knew it.

[Todd Glass]

Was on, but I never saw a whole episode. I was too busy watching How I Met yout Mother, which is another one that. I don't know what that's about.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but How I Met yout Mother wasn't on at the same time. Here's the whole thing. How many people came up to Suzanne Somers during the nine seasons she was on Step By Step and said, when are you gonna do another sitcom?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And when she went, I'm going into season nine of a Primetime. Yeah, but I don't get cable. No, no, this was on abc. I don't stay up late at. No, this on at 8:30. Like, that's where you want to be that Friday night, 9:00. Nobody gives a fuck. You blink your eyes. You've been on for nine seasons.

[Caller]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

That's where you guys. You want to be Suzanne Summers. You want to be Patrick Duffy.

[Caller]

I would like.

That'd be awesome.

Yes, I heard.

Or I could be that little kid with the glasses.

[Todd Glass]

You could be the girl from my Two dads or something.

[Caller]

That's a rich family we're looking at right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Woo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Well, she was also slanging ThighMasters at the same time.

That's true. She had that thigh money.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Let's not forget about Anders. You were an assistant over to the head writer over at Real Time with Bill Maher. How was that?

[Caller]

That was the best job I've ever had until my current job. Really cool staff and I was a fan of the show. And the only way I got the job was I emailed them for like a year and a half being like, hey, got an opening. And then finally they were like, dude, I guess you can come in. And I went in and got the job. And then I was there for a couple seasons.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good show.

[Caller]

It's awesome.

[Todd Glass]

They respond to your emails when you're emailing them for a year and a half.

[Caller]

Yeah. Well, here's the cool thing is when you have like a bad assistant, I don't know who it was, but they put you through to the person without like screening you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Caller]

So I wasn't screen. So I went right to one of the producers and like got his name in his email and he was a nice guy, Matt Wood. Shout out. And like, you know, I just kept in contact with him. He was a good enough guy to bring me in. And persistence. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's my Bill Maher. Ever get douchey with you?

[Caller]

Never.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Caller]

Never. Never.

[Adam Carolla]

All the time. Yeah.

[Caller]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You weren't a liar?

[Caller]

He was cool. I mean, I never really looked him in the eyes. Hit it off with him so much.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a douche.

[Caller]

But I fixed his BlackBerry one time and we had a moment.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, there you go.

[Todd Glass]

Was the trackball stuck, so to speak?

[Caller]

It was stuck.

[Adam Carolla]

So you got a little douchey with you.

[Caller]

Good guy. Good guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. I just wish you weren't a liar. Loves animals. That's the problem.

[Caller]

Loves animals. Winks a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Not fans of human. Not fans of human beings. That's what I found.

[Todd Glass]

Or women. A big fan of women, actually.

[Caller]

He's been. He's got a steady girl. I think they're still going at it. We're rooting for you, Bill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. So glad not to be in that. Under that.

[Caller]

Yeah, well, my. The head writer was a champion of mine of sorts. Like when I was working there, like grabbing groceries for Bill and like, Getting lunch with writers and stuff. We had sold a pilot, which was just like. You know, when your assistants are, like, doing stuff, you're like, well, sure, you're never gonna amount to anything. Go get my lunch. And then all of a sudden, I had done something and they were like, okay, right, right. But then me, like, pitch some jokes and got some stuff on the air here and there. So it was fun.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Caller]

Yeah, we wanted the dirt. We wanted the dirty dirt.

You're not getting the dirt.

You're not throwing out anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, it. It's. It's pretty. I mean, Bill Maher's a sort of semi famous douchebag in this town. I mean, everyone thinks he's douchebag. I mean, I don't think he minds. I mean, I think he kind of knows it. I think he kind of likes it. I mean, there's certain. I think it's funny.

[Todd Glass]

Douchebag protection. People don't expect much of him.

[Caller]

I will say this. If you're gonna wear a suit that shiny. Come on, what's happening? You gotta have the attitude to go with it. And he might. He might.

[Adam Carolla]

He might. He might have a little. That. It's like, well, listen, I love when you talk to people about Ellen degeneres and like, I don't want to talk about her. And you're like, I know she's interesting. Oh, I think she's so funny. I have a weird spidey cunt sense. I can't tell when people are good, but I always know when they're cunting.

[Allison Rosen]

That's my new perfume, Spidey cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Whenever you move over Beyonce, there's a new fragrance in town.

[Todd Glass]

What's that scent? Spidey cunt.

[Caller]

Whenever something mistaken with spicy cunt, Whenever.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody starts out their show with dancing. Yeah, I know, I know. We got a problem there.

[Caller]

Someone is gonna write a tell all book. Behind the argyle.

[Adam Carolla]

Something little, what they call overcompensation. And a friend of the show I spoke to once who worked on her staff for a while, and I said, what's up with Ellen? Because my spidey sense tingles every time I see her out there dancing and doing her thing. And then she goes into this manic stage where she's crying over a dog that she adopted for two days. And I start thinking about it. And he said, worst human beings ever met in his life.

[Todd Glass]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Pure and simple. And when you work for and with somebody for a number of years, you get it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, you're there, you See the good days, you see the bad days. And that was his response. Wow, awesome human being.

[Caller]

So no, take.

[Todd Glass]

It's worse than Ellen is.

[Allison Rosen]

Ellen.

[Caller]

Yeah. If you're really, really happy and nice in person, you're probably a total devil.

[Adam Carolla]

Bitch in real life when you think, here's what goes on. Listen, serial killers usually dress nice. That's true. Because you've got to pick up, you have to pick up 15 year old chicks walking home from school. And if you're wearing a windbreaker that says serial killer, you're fucked.

[Caller]

Bundy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm serious. When you, you know, when you're going the clown route, John Wayne Gacy. The point is, is when I believe you have a thought. And your thought is, if your thought is, I'm a cocksucker, you think, oh, smile, hurry, smile. Because if you smile, people won't know. It's sort of like these used car salesmen and go, I wouldn't lie to you. I wouldn't lie. I don't lie. I'm not lying. Honestly, honestly, Honestly, about the 15th time they said I wouldn't lie. And honestly, it's making me think maybe you're thinking about lying a lot. Because I don't think people, people that don't lie, don't go, I wouldn't lie to you. And let me be honest. Can I be honest with you for a second? People who don't have a weird cunty heart, don't go, I gotta dance my ass off. I'm telling you. Rosie O'Donnell.

[Caller]

Yeah, Kushbol.

[Adam Carolla]

Think about that show. Kooshball.

[Allison Rosen]

What's that about?

[Adam Carolla]

Think about her show. Think about the older. She was a fucking rodeo clown back in the day. I mean, she was just sitting there, oh, I love Tom Cruise and I, I love the Partridge Family. And guess what? We got lunch pails to give away with the Partridge Family. Kooshbaum.

[Todd Glass]

It's this aggressive, aggressive trying to cover up any sort of edge, which is kind of like, I don't know what you think of Whitney, but I was watching scenes from the new show and it's like, you know her stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

She.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, she's funny in the Bodyguard. She's great, she has an edge. But she's so softened up in the new show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, they have to. That's what they do. You wanna know why you do network? You gotta be likable.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything's about being likable. They don't mention the word funny ever. My biggest, the shittiest thing I ever did was these two pilots and Everyone just gets sucked into this. It's gotta be likable. You gotta be likable. And I was like, well, how about being funny? Well, that's unlikable.

[Caller]

We do a lik.

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. No, no.

[Todd Glass]

You guys get around it.

[Adam Carolla]

Country Mile.

[Caller]

Sometimes you like to root for the bad guy. I guess that's kind of reminds me of like Eastbound and Down. I just love that show.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they. I think Comedy Central lets you be funny if you're gonna be on network. And also if you're doing NBC or CBS or even abc, you have that thing is run. Each comedy department is run by nine middle aged chicks who aren't fucking funny at all. I mean, if you put them in a comedy Cuisinart and throw them all in and then open the spigot, one drop of comedy would come out. That would be it. Like literally the only thing that's funny about him is occasionally watch. The only time they've ever made another human being laugh is when they try to throw a softball. That's the only time. That's what I always said. So they're completely unfunny chicks and they can't give you any tutorials on funny because they're not funny. But they can tell you what's nice and what's likable. And then they will put all their little eggs in the likable basket and they'll go, listen, you gotta be likable.

[Todd Glass]

The ones they haven't frozen.

[Adam Carolla]

America has to like you. You've got to be. You need to do more dancing.

[Caller]

You need to dance at the top of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Whenever I see Ellen dancing. Cause I used to know someone who worked for Rosie and she was a colossal cunt. I mean, she fired like 50 segment producers and stuff. They should just. My poor friend who worked for her just became the Axeman. It was every week was like, go fire this guy. Go fire that guy. And then eventually he got fired. So when she was done firing the Nerf balls into the crowd and playing with her Mrs. Rogers train, she would then go backstage, throw pitch fits and fire people, rip babies in there. So it's called overcompensation. It's the Don King. Who's the worst? Who's the Don King?

[Caller]

Don King's the worst.

[Adam Carolla]

Don King stomped a man to death. Didn't even have the dignity to shoot him or bend down and punch him. Don King found a guy in like St. Louis who owed him 180 bucks and literally kicked his head into the side of the curb until he Died to death. Then he picked his hair out, got the American flag out, and he said, only in America, and everyone bought into it.

[Caller]

And it's so true.

That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

We all love it, right?

[Caller]

It's so true.

[Adam Carolla]

Second, I would say America. Here's what I would say. I would say Don King, probably number one. Well, there's Don. When he stomped a man, there he goes.

[Caller]

Is that him?

[Bald Bryan]

Wow.

[Caller]

He was mean without the hair before.

[Adam Carolla]

He picked his hair out, like, with the hair.

[Caller]

I'm like, ah, he's nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Find out what Don King was accused of. That guy's mean. Pretty sure he stomped a guy. Owed him a few bucks.

[Caller]

Bunsen burners. And he's like a scientist.

[Adam Carolla]

Don King at top. I'll tell you who's a close second. Evel Knievel.

[Caller]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Evel Knievel took a baseball bat to a reporter who wrote some true statements about him philandering.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

He was also pretty much strung out on pain kills and Jack Daniel pain pills and Jack Daniels the entire time. And every time he'd finish a jump, he'd get up there and he'd be like, kids don't do dope. You know what I mean? Meanwhile, he's filled with Percocets and Jack Daniels, you know?

[Caller]

So he was originally just Knievel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was. Really?

[Caller]

Yeah, he got that name.

[Todd Glass]

He's a friendly Knievel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Right, yeah.

[Caller]

Nice guy, Knievel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And his mom, Eunice Knievel, was not happy about his choice of professions. So, you know, but you wear the red, white, and blue jumpsuit and you tell the kids to stay off the dope. And so I would probably say Don King, Ellen Evel Knievel, and then Rosie. Although Rosie admits she's a cunt now, so that's cool. It's good for her.

[Caller]

Yeah, that was a good move.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's find out what Don King did. They flashed it on the screen for a second.

[Caller]

Here we go. Future is now.

[Adam Carolla]

Don King. Born in Cleveland, dropped out of Kent State University, Killed two men who ran a legal bookmaking operation, was charged for killing two men. Oh, and separate incidents. Ah, well, it was a full 13 years apart. First return. First, it was justifiable homicides. That meant he owed him a joint or something after he found King shot Hillary Brown. Is it Hillary? That's what it says.

[Allison Rosen]

Hillary.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so shot one dude in the back while he's attempting to rob King's gambling house. And then the other guy, Second degree murder killing. After he was found guilty of stomping to death. Oh, an employee. That must have been a great conversation. I want to talk to you. Am I going to get that parking space closest to the front door? Nope. Actually, I'm going to stomp you to death. Well, wait a minute.

[Caller]

I told you to stop mentioning it.

[Todd Glass]

Right?

[Caller]

And it was $600.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. All right. It was 600. And by the way, you know, back in the day, that was like $950, you know? And I was wrong. He killed two guys. Yeah, but one guy was trying to rob his illegal gambling operation.

[Caller]

At least he shot one in the back.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm gonna say Ellen, then Don King then, because we don't know, she may still have some killing to do.

[Todd Glass]

Right?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? And then evil, then Rosie. Okay, I'm trying to think of who the other.

[Todd Glass]

Are you putting Bill in there?

[Adam Carolla]

Bill Clinton or Bill Maher?

[Todd Glass]

Marr.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Mars good. Mars a douchebag. And it admits it. Yeah, I think that's the thing.

[Caller]

Yeah.

I think if you wear it on your sleeve.

[Adam Carolla]

Although I think, you know, I've always heard stories of him being sort of douchey to make up people and sort of underlings and stuff like that, which I don't.

[Caller]

Very good to his people, I'll say that.

[Adam Carolla]

Which I don't. Oh, okay.

[Caller]

He's good. Promotes from within.

[Adam Carolla]

You were not one of his people, huh?

[Todd Glass]

So these are wolves in sheep's clothing. Any jerks on Sesame Street?

[Caller]

No, these are cunts wrapped in wool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, these are cunts wearing evil jumpsuit.

[Caller]

Actually, a lot of them are wearing American flags.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, American flag. Smart move.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

People don't hassle you.

[Caller]

As long as you got the flag, you're cool.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the move. Yeah, and if it's made of leather, even better.

[Caller]

Yeah, well, it stops knives.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, that's true. Yeah. All right, well, there you go.

[Todd Glass]

Doesn't the dice man kind of have a lot of flag regalia on him?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's more Italian or Jersey Shore kind of shit. Also, Don probably took several hundred million dollars out of the pocket of Muhammad Ali and, you know, later Mike Tyson. And also, he's one of these guys who literally showed up at the fight with, like, Ali and left with Frazier after he won the fight, like one of those dudes, too.

[Caller]

Strong move.

[Adam Carolla]

Quietly. A scary, scary dude. But everyone's big, happy, lovable grandpa with the flags and hair picked out. No, I'm saying. And look, we don't. We don't investigate in this country. Why not? He's just a happy guy. Says, only in America.

[Caller]

It's kind of. It's kind of weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Pull it up, Blake. For all I know, you could have some evil hiding behind that bushy hair.

[Todd Glass]

Now you're thinking his hair is overcompensating?

[Caller]

Yeah. So cuddly. Well, I don't know. That's why I got the mustache. It puts a little evil on me.

[Adam Carolla]

Anders, where are you from?

[Caller]

I'm from Evanston, Illinois, originally.

[Adam Carolla]

I like you because you're wearing not only my shirt, but a shirt I wear almost every day.

[Caller]

It's a good shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

I finally got a. I started with the blue version of the shirt you're wearing, which is the shirt I'm wearing now. Somebody got me the red version. It's good, right?

[Caller]

It's the only way to go. I don't. What's this pattern called, though?

[Adam Carolla]

Argyle. This is damn exciting stuff. Yeah, this is good. This is good. Podcast. That's right.

[Caller]

Let me just describe. Okay, so it's a blend of red, white, and blue.

[Adam Carolla]

What can we expect this year in workaholics? Ouch.

[Caller]

Don't. Not high expectations.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of.

[Caller]

More of the same.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, we want the medium.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Step by step, people.

[Caller]

Yeah. We don't want anybody breathing down our necks.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Caller]

You know, we're happy with our amount of fans.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Caller]

A little more would be good, but it's a lot of the same.

It's gonna be television.

[Adam Carolla]

There's my shirt. Yeah. Listen, when you got. Lou wears it.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When you got more than a minivan worth of fans, you're just showing off. My grandpa would say.

[Caller]

There we go.

Your grandpa knew about minivans. That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

He came over in a covered minivan.

[Caller]

There we go.

[Adam Carolla]

The earliest minivan. Yeah. Came over in something that Ford made called the Leather Star. Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

It's in a museum somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Cozy. All right, shall we do some more news and you guys jump in and.

[Caller]

Yes. I have no idea what's happening in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, we're gonna find out. Now the rest of the news with Alison Rosen.

[Todd Glass]

Super local news. Officials are evaluating whether to set traps for a pack of coyotes that have taken over the shell of a burned out home in north Glendale. The home, in the 300 block of Brockmont Drive, has been abandoned since being gutted by a fire in November. Amid complaints from neighbors about blight and safety issues, the owners got a permit to demolish the house. But in the meantime, a pack of at least seven coyotes has been seen on the property, possibly using it as a den.

[Adam Carolla]

Coyotes are the cockroaches of the four legged canine variety. The non insect cockroach. They are. Because the urban sprawl keeps getting bigger. Their home or indigenous whatever, keeps getting smaller and they go, well, I guess we'll just switch our diets from wild rabbits to cats. But either way they're still out in full force. And I see them running up and down my street all the goddamn time. Even back in the day, Donnie's mom would have to bring the cats in at night and all the little dogs and all that. And then once in a while they get in that crazy whoop whoop thing where they all get going on each other, they start wilding on each other. It's great.

[Caller]

It's exciting though. Makes you feel like you're out there in the wilderness.

[Adam Carolla]

It is something.

[Caller]

It is cool to. I've always said they're kind of like dogs that dropped out of high school.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

They're the ones that are wandering around smoking a cigarette, looking at your friends all funny.

[Todd Glass]

They're like, maybe they went to that weird continuation school.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Amelia Earhart. Right next to North Hollywood. Yeah. In Stand By Me. They're like Keith Sutherland's character, Eyeball Chambers.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Well, now I just want to sleep with them.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got a good bad guy.

[Todd Glass]

Growing up, I had pet ducks and a coyote ate my duck. And yet still, I think there's something cool about a whole family of coyotes taking up. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I tell you the truth behind that story?

[Todd Glass]

I don't want to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad backed over.

[Todd Glass]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Then he threw it over the neighbor's head.

[Todd Glass]

I wondered why. There were feathers all over the tire.

[Adam Carolla]

And he threw it over the fence and said, coyote ate it. Yeah. Just like that broad. It said a dingo ate her baby.

[Caller]

Yep.

[Todd Glass]

And is it coyote?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's coyote.

[Caller]

What's the deal when people say coyote?

[Todd Glass]

They don't have time to say coyote. And they're pretentious.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They're the people that say, I'm fixing too. And then there are also people that say he up and died instead of just he died. Right. Why not just say died? I feel like it's that much faster, you know? Would there any be confusion either? By the way, how's your grandpa doing? He died.

[Todd Glass]

What position was he in right before he died?

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Bald Bryan]

I think he was up.

[Adam Carolla]

He up and died. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to hear that. He up and died.

[Caller]

I thought he was dying his hair or something.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he up and died.

[Caller]

I bet it was more common. And we just aren't of that time right now. People used to sit up and then die. We just don't do it anymore. Because of the drugs. Yeah, the pharmaceutical drugs.

[Allison Rosen]

The Red Bulls are taking over.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're all on it. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. A lot of yotis out there and a lot. A lot of yolts up and down.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. I think there's something cute, though, about the idea of a whole family of yots taking up residence in an abandoned house. Like that dude is yoked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Todd Glass]

There. There were for the parents.

[Adam Carolla]

Until you get drunk and go in there to take a shit one night.

[Caller]

I got a dump.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Just go in this old house.

[Todd Glass]

You know me so well.

[Adam Carolla]

Not so cute.

[Todd Glass]

Do they communicate to each other that, oh, we found this house and we're now going to live in it.

[Caller]

Spanish.

[Adam Carolla]

It's true. I guess if there was a language they spoke. I mean, if you could assign languages or dialects to different animals, you definitely give Spanish to coyotes.

[Todd Glass]

Are you basing this on Wile E. Coyote?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm saying, first off, the guys who smuggle illegals are called coyotes.

[Caller]

Yes, that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Yots. Or Kai. Coyotes.

[Caller]

Coyotes, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's number one. Number two, if you're making like a Pixar thing and you gave the coyote a French accent, it'd be confused. Right. It wouldn't be peppy coyote Spanish. Yeah, absolutely.

[Todd Glass]

Then you're in Speedy Gonzalez territory.

[Caller]

You're damn right.

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Okay. Now, Adam, I don't want to upset you, but George Clooney and Stacy Keebler have been seen in public together in Toronto.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I had a super gay fantasy. Yeah, I'm going share it with the boys.

[Caller]

Let's hear.

[Adam Carolla]

I was watching Keebler and Clooney together. Oh, or C.L. klubler.

[Caller]

The Cleblies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Anyway, Georgie, I saw and I was thinking, all right, obviously count down to him moving on to fucking the next 29 year old DU jour. Because that's. That's how it works. His cock has a painting of itself hanging in the attic. It's a picture of Clooney's gray cock, Dorian Dork. And it never ages, but the chicks are constantly 29. Dorian cock. It's a portrait of Dorian Cock. It's a picture of his cock up aging in the attic.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Veinier and veinier, but.

[Adam Carolla]

So I thought, how long is he gonna hang on to this one? And then I thought, if I could get my brain into her skull, he'd Marry me. I could pull this off. Yeah, I think I could.

[Caller]

Is George Clooney your number one dude?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm just saying it would be an interesting experiment because, look, let's face it, he's out fucking saving the world and, you know, here's what he's doing. Here's what he's doing. He's sitting around trying to figure out A, what movie's gonna write and direct next, or B, has an idea to generate to take seawater and turn it into drinkable water for the good people of Darfur. And she's laying there and she's going, I think Marc Anthony cheated on J. Lo, you know? And he's going, yes, here you are, sweetie. And he does. Not listening to her. She's just a chick with great legs who he's currently fucking. But if I could get in there.

[Todd Glass]

If I could put my brain in George Clooney's head, I bet I could get her.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I love you guys. Dike out that way.

[Caller]

Would you guys hook up if you were in their bodies?

No movie idea.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean. But we know it was each other.

[Caller]

No, you didn't until the third act.

Yeah, and then it's like, wait, why wouldn't you?

[Allison Rosen]

You lied to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Caller]

Oh my gosh.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I do like you.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an interesting thing which is, you know, what if. Let's just say in act one, like, hey, bald Brian, you're. You're gonna take over Keebler's body for now, okay? I hope you understand. I gotta fuck ya.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Am I taking over her brain or her whole body?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're taking over her body, but she's still her. I mean, it looks like her.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

But I'll fix everything she feels.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't figured that part out.

[Todd Glass]

That's not his concern.

[Caller]

Don't note us to death here. We got a good thing going.

If you were a cool friend and you got into the body of a hot chick, would you go to all your cool dude friends and be like, fuck me now? Before this, I leave this body. Everybody get in.

[Adam Carolla]

Get in here.

[Todd Glass]

That's selfless.

[Caller]

That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

I would put on some shop goggles, you know, number one. And then I would take like in that scene from Silence of the Lambs, take some like vapor rub. And I put it under my nose, just on my upper lip here. Just was like. I didn't want to smell any ball sack, especially if it was smacking against the side of My face, you know?

[Caller]

Well, I heard girls like the smell, so you might now like the smell.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I'm still me. I'm just in Stacy Keibler's body.

[Caller]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

And yeah, I would probably run in now. First I'd have to explain things.

[Caller]

Yeah, guys, this is gonna sound weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because it'd be Steven Keebler's voice. Yeah. Coming out. And you'd be like, hey, this is Dirk. Whoa. Who wants to fuck me? And they'd be like, what? You'd probably. You know what? I would think I would. You know what I would do? I would say, you know what? I don't want these guys heads to explode. And by the way, they're trying to get a boner. This is a lot for them to deal with. I would just come in and go, I am Stacey Keebler. Turns out I'm addicted to teenage cock. Sure. And please, please, please don't tell my boyfriend, George. But line up, I'm gonna suck you all up. I probably wouldn't get to the part where, hey, dudes, I've inhabited the body of. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

At the end, you just wipe your mouth and you're like, it's me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Although I don't know that. Especially first off, when you're in your refractory period, you're not open to a lot of new ideas, you know, that aren't sports or food related. So I feel like that'd be a hard sell.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Caller]

That's gonna be a tough one.

Science. Only science.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna work this out.

[Caller]

I hope we have the chance.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think Mel Gibson made this movie in the later 80s.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Well, just a little bit about the two of them as a couple. They were in Toronto together and they went to a whole bunch of parties. And according to Us Weekly, one of the recurring themes of the night was that Stacy had her own conversations going on and that she wasn't following Clooney around like a puppy dog. They were comfortable and affectionate and seemed socially poised as a couple. The two clearly work not only as a pair, but also independently. Stacey really stood on her own. George was not overprotective.

[Adam Carolla]

We work independently of Stacy and George as well, do we not? I'd say almost everyone on the planet falls under the heading of working well independently with George Clooney. Right.

[Todd Glass]

She was confident in her own space. She would come over to George and rub his back, then separate from him again. I've never seen him more comfortable.

[Caller]

More comfortable his back went out or something. He's got the shack thing on his back.

[Todd Glass]

He had some kind of thing she had to massage.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, obviously they're not hanging around talking because they don't have anything to talk about.

[Todd Glass]

No, massages are what happens when you can't talk.

[Adam Carolla]

She's like a WWE girl wrestler.

[Todd Glass]

She's 31.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

All right, maybe WWF then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[Caller]

Wait, so George Clooney, he's a pretty good guy.

[Adam Carolla]

So if I could take over his body.

[Caller]

Oh, yeah.

I'm going back to the whole Ellen thing. He's one of those, like, real deal.

I like to believe he is.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say, I think he's one of these guys that recognizes that all eyes are on him and that he never wants to give anyone an excuse to call him a douchebag. And the last time I saw him was over at Kimmel's house, over at Kimmel's party. And he just did the absolute. He's one of those. Where you go, George, I just want to say hi. I don't know. Oh, yeah, sure. Adam, how you doing? Great. Like the two hand handshake. Oh, they sort of. You know who does the exact same thing? Leno. Leno. The walk from backstage at the. At the venue in Atlantic City to the limo says hi to 15 dudes and half of them don't speak fucking English or even know who he is. I mean, seriously, guys that are pushing the trash cans with the wheels on it, that's a bad sign, by the way. Just a standard plastic trash can with the wheels on them. But he's just, how you doing? How you doing? Hi. Great. How you doing? How you doing? And I'm like, I'm a nice enough guy, but fuck those guys. I'm getting into the limo, going onto the plane, saying hi to every single human being with a sort of awareness that everyone recognizes me. And I don't want a one of them going home going, eh, he gave me the high hat, so I'm going to just do that. So that's. That's a Clooney esque. I think he's a nice guy, but I also think he's aware that people know who he is.

[Caller]

Well, you got to be.

Yeah, but he's comes from.

He's coming. Yeah, I guess he's like kind of keeping it real in a wear way.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't care. Like when sometimes people go, oh, you know, that person's nice, but you know, that's just bullshit. I'm like, so be it. Or they go, you know, they gave you that compliment, but they don't really mean it. I'm like, who gives a shit? They gave me the compliment. I'll take it.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. There's times when fake is better than brutally honest.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue a fake orgasm is better than a real one.

[Caller]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

That's someone who loves you.

[Todd Glass]

Wait, you all agree with this?

[Caller]

Yeah, I don't even want a real one.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want one either. Keebler's probably faking one right now.

[Caller]

Yeah, Keebler as in like the elves?

[Allison Rosen]

I think the elves.

[Todd Glass]

I mean it's pronounced that way. Oh man. If only. But no, she's K E I.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn it. Yeah.

[Caller]

Well, there goes that.

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think we can go with Kublar though. Can we?

[Todd Glass]

I would like to.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds like a nice German dessert.

[Allison Rosen]

I was gonna go.

[Caller]

And Stacy Georgie Kubla. I don't know much.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Fitness legend.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, George.

[Todd Glass]

An 81 year old woman from Norfolk had do not resuscitate tattooed across her chest in case she falls ill and attempts are made to revive her. Joy Tompkins had the message tattooed along with pto, short for please turn over and an arrow on her back. Earlier this year, the former magazine company secretary said she could not bear to, quote, make beds and wash up for another 20 years, despite having a living will for about 30 years. She said the tattoo meant there would be no excuse for error. Although last night Dr. Bruce said that that is not legally binding. Like if he saw that he couldn't do anything about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Todd Glass]

Um, so.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're saying this isn't so even it actually. So you're saying the slippery when wet tattoos I've seen so many times on the road. Those don't count either. Those aren't binding. Wow. Now we got an issue with this. I. When I was doing a little car racing the other week, one of the guys who was in the paddock with me, most the guys have the fire suits and then they got this kind of weird belt thing kind of built in. It's one of those like half belt things that you just sort of go. Goes across like that. And most of the guys have their name on it or you know, you know, see in my rear view or some bullshit like that or speed, whatever on there. This guy just said, I think it was like type O negative, something like that. And I thought, oh, that makes sense. Have your blood type on your fire suit. This guy got in a horrible crash last year, so I guess. But yeah, if you're gonna have a fire suit and you're gonna have a little piece of cloth instead of the fucking lightning bolt and your initials in it. That's not gonna do you much good when they're medevacking you out of there.

[Caller]

Useful information.

[Adam Carolla]

Put your fucking blood type on there.

[Todd Glass]

Put your mom's phone number. And I think that they're probably legally required to still test your blood before they give you blood, just in case you were in someone else's fire suit.

[Adam Carolla]

Give him a little head start, that's all.

[Todd Glass]

Anyway, though, she said, I'm 81 and don't need any more use. What do you think I'm gonna do with the frightful thought of getting to 100? I hate it. My mother in law lived to be 106. And in the last six years of her life, she'd have been much better dead. She was miserable. She's a widow. She says she doesn't have the stamina to enjoy all of her hobbies anymore, such as playing the piano and gardening. Said, I've had 80 good, interesting years of marriage and children and grandchildren and plenty of friends. I'm quite happy if I wake up in the morning, but if I don't, I'm just as happy. Well, how would she know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, true.

[Caller]

Has she seen the whole series of Step by step because there's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

There's still some hills left to climb is what you're saying. Yeah.

[Caller]

She seems not very positive.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, my grandma. My grandma had a. She. She had that story too where she was an atheist and when she was like 81, 82, I was putting crown molding up in her bedroom. Sad that that's what I was doing when I was 23 and I went up there and I found a bunch of pills on her bureau, like a cabinet. And it had some molding on top so you couldn't see it was just a bunch of pills and different little cases. And I said, grandma, what's this? And she said, that's my suicide plan. That's. That's how I get out of here, you know, if I ever become one of those people that's in their bed or having to, you know, hold on to someone's forearm while I'm shitting, which either good day or horrible day, you know, and I'm taking myself out. But you know what? She never took herself out. She made it to like 94. And by the last two years, I was carrying her in and out of the car and doing, you know.

[Todd Glass]

Were you reminding her that she had this?

[Adam Carolla]

I was, I was, I was Trying to weave it into the conversation. Like, let me get that. A frame ladder and check that crown. I'm like, hey, what do we have here? Hey, what do you do?

[Todd Glass]

What kind of pills was it and where did she get them? Is there some kind of underground network?

[Adam Carolla]

My grandma, she got them from Ellen accident. She was poisoning, stabbing.

[Caller]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Glad my grandmother was one of those tough talkers, like, hey man, I don't care she was an atheist till the day she died and all that kind of stuff. But when it really comes down to it, people usually don't squeeze the trigger, especially when they're narcissists. It's hard to kill you because after all, it's you. Yes. But, yeah, if she jumped on them at 91, I don't think anyone would have wrestled them from her hands.

[Todd Glass]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

May she rest in peace.

[Caller]

I think this lady's kind of a.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think she's kind of a bitch.

[Caller]

What's her deal? She may be fit, finished with this world.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so I think, what do we got? We got Alan, we got Don King, we got Rosie at Evel Knievel. Now this kind, Joy Tokyo. What's her name?

[Todd Glass]

Joy Tompkins.

[Adam Carolla]

Top five, Joy.

[Caller]

Joy.

[Todd Glass]

Imagine the tattoo artist doing this though. Yeah, I bet he doesn't tattoo many people this age. Or maybe he does.

[Adam Carolla]

No, probably not.

[Caller]

It's probably her cellmate.

I'm sick of these, these ironic tattoos.

[Todd Glass]

She should have at least gotten it in Chinese.

[Adam Carolla]

That's really hard, right? Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

There's a bill that's being proposed to ban buying alcohol in self checkout aisles. I think there should be a bill to ban self checkout aisles because they hardly ever work. That's my feeling about them.

[Adam Carolla]

But can I. I don't know if you guys are wired like me, but I'll go to the Home Depot and I've been to the Home Depot Depot 250,000 times and I'll see that self checkout and I will just deem it is over my head, out of my pay grade. Like I am too bad a student.

[Todd Glass]

You know, you're on the streets too.

[Adam Carolla]

Big a fuck up and this is not gonna work.

[Caller]

That's the one place for me personally, my experience that it has worked.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it has worked.

[Caller]

Grocery stores are always jacked up.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure it would work for me too, but I'm such a shitty student and I just see this and I go, I know this is not gonna end right. It's just not. It's not gonna work. Somehow I. It Won't be their fault. I will fuck it up. I'm the guy who, when I fill out paperwork where it says name and then address, always put my name where the address is because I can't. I still can't figure out to this day whether it's above or below.

[Todd Glass]

Do you ever write in the box? That's for their use only?

[Adam Carolla]

Always.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I now sign the parental consent thing when it says if you're minor under 18 years of shine away. Yeah, if I fuck up everything I fill out, I would. The store would burst into flames if I tried to use the thing. People on fire, running for their lives. Corolla, he tried to get those plumbing fittings without making contact with someone named Maria who had her name colorfully written on her orange smock. And now look what he's done.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know.

[Caller]

Keep using the people. Keep Skynet away.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right, Skynet.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. It's actually the grocers who are behind this bill because they're trying to maintain their jobs.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

I used one of these literally two.

[Todd Glass]

Days ago and had it go for you.

[Allison Rosen]

I use it all the time. I used to work in a grocery store, so I kind of know how to manipulate the system.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta buy.

[Todd Glass]

Do you manipulate it to get extra stuff?

[Allison Rosen]

No, but you gotta buy those Haas avocados and you just put in regular avocados.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, yeah, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why you drive avocado.

[Caller]

You should get a tattoo that says that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm one of the guys this sort of related to. Drives me nuts. You know when you go into one of those places that has the atm, but it's probably not the kind of place it's supposed to have an atm.

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So you know, like off track betting. Yeah. They ain't going to give you a whole lot of cash. Well, that fucking place charges seven bucks for the atm, which is. I've said it a million times, the casino and the strip club are the biggest gougers in the atm. That's the only place it should be free. I mean, seriously, if I ran a casino or strip club or hopefully both, I would say, here's how our ATM works. You take out 200 bucks and you're going to go ahead and get a 1120. It's going to spit out. Not only do we not charge you two bucks, you'll get an extra 20 bucks because that shit's going right back into champagne and thong backs. So I. Yeah, I've been to the Place where they go, all right, I want to take out money at the ATM. And the ATM is like, do you agree to the $2.50 whatever? And I'm like, yes. And then I do the math, which is I'm going to take out the maximum because A, I will not be back, and B, the service charge will either be doubled if I come back in two days, or it'll be in half if I come back in a week. So I will charge the max. So it says, you want 20, 40, 60, 80, 100 or other. And I go, give me 300 bucks and it goes over the maximum. And then I go, by the way, will not state the maximum. It's just over the maximum, right? So you go, all right, I'm gonna go through this fucking retarded process again. Give me $200. And it's like, no, not 200. Well, at a certain point you find out the fucking maximum is $100 on there. It's like, yeah, 20, 40, 60, 80, 100 or other. Well, first off, what's the other. Then give me 26, 55. Like, what the fuck? You can't. You won't go under 20. You can't go over 100. You've laid all the options out. So what the fuck with the others? There a place I put my cock, like, where. What is the other option? It's not here.

[Allison Rosen]

Strips.

[Todd Glass]

You know, there should be.

[Adam Carolla]

Do me a favor, guy who owns that shitty liquor store, stripzino, take a piece of fucking masking tape, get a Sharpie, write maximum $100, and put on the fucking top of the ATM so we don't have to go through the dance of the retards every time I go in there. Jesus Christ. Sorry. And furthermore, how about this? Forget about this fucking self checkout booze legislation. How about this? If you were going to charge more than a buck for your ATM surcharge, you must have a max that's over a buck 50 or 200 bucks. Yeah, you can't do any of that 250 max with 100 bucks.

[Caller]

And your bank gets you, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I want the other 300. If I'm going with the 250, you can go 250. I want 300. I can't go because it's essentially 750. If you really want to look at it that way, by the time you got to 300 anyway, we're worse. You.

[Todd Glass]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa, man. Harsh works.

[Caller]

Sorry, mom, just talking to you.

[Bald Bryan]

Ellen.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotomeeting. Getting everyone in the same room. You guys ever try this? Gotomeeting. We don't try. You need to go to meeting. No, that's the point. You don't have to go to meeting. Use. Go to meeting with HD faces. High def video group conferencing brought to you by Citrix. That's right. Cool. Yeah, it's nice. You hook it right up. Clear quality video. It's like being in the same room. Easy to use. All you need is the Internet and Internet connection and a webcam. And look. Look at the picture. See the lady, she's getting work done. And everyone she's talking to is happy.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's important. And they got a putt. They're not masters. Well, the guy in the middle. The guy with the beard. Yes, but the rest of them definitely aren't. I'm so.

[Todd Glass]

Does have paper towels on her desk.

[Adam Carolla]

It does have a shady.

[Caller]

And like a home phone. No one has home phones anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

We have to look into this. It's a pie. You'd be masturbating if you saw a pie. Because that's what happens. I just hear pie and I'm so pavlovian, I start going for the junk. Yeah, easy to use. All you need again, Internet and the webcam. That's all you need. Try it. That's right. Try go to meeting with HD faces. Free. 30 days. Free. GoToMeeting.com GoToMeeting.com Click on the Try it free button and use the promo code. Adam. That is true. I mean, this is high def. This does open a world.

[Caller]

It does.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, look, let's face it. Maybe you'd like to do a little swinging, maybe like to participate with some other folks. But we got some killer germs out there these days. Not to mention the carpet at these places. How about you use a little go to meeting with HD faces to. All I'm saying is it's not just for the weekdays.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

It could be for the weekends. I mean, high def.

[Caller]

High def group masturbation.

[Adam Carolla]

Dudes up there. I mean, not dudes, but you know what I mean.

[Caller]

Well, various.

[Adam Carolla]

Five hot ladies and you.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, that's not gonna happen.

That would never.

[Adam Carolla]

Ellen. Rosie. Don King.

[Caller]

Yummy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Caller]

The that wants to die.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice big fat lesbian loud Rosie. Yeah. Find a picture of Rosie from back in the day when she had her cutie patootie chub club going. You'll never recognize her and all her pastel sweaters and lots of Rouge Network.

[Caller]

Rosie Network.

Rosie.

[Adam Carolla]

They got on her.

[Caller]

They broke her down.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I think she ended up breaking them, yeah. Also, I should tell you that while we're looking for the picture, today's show sponsored by Encore Insurance Services, llc. This woman, the do not resuscitate woman, I hope she's got herself some life insurance. If not, she call our good friends over at encore Insurance Services, 866-347-5748. Or you can visit their website online. Smartterm.com. that's smartterm.com. thinking about getting a little life insurance. Maybe you already have some coverage. Maybe you're paying a little too much. Call Encore, see if they can help. They compare premiums of highly rated insurers and they represent you to help you. That's right. So they basically take a bunch of other insurance companies, all good, all highly rated ones.

[Caller]

Oh, dang.

[Adam Carolla]

She was a babe. That is funny. Yeah. We're looking at Rosie now, and they find you the best deal. That's what they do. Compare the premiums, pass the savings on to you. Give them a call. 866-347-5748. License, I should say licensing and disclaimer information can be found on their [e-mail]. that's smartterm.com. yeah. That doesn't look like anything like the Rosie.

[Caller]

She was a bbw.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. What kind of car is that?

[Todd Glass]

I don't know what that is.

[Caller]

Isn't that like a big, beautiful woman?

Yeah, yeah, the bbw.

[Adam Carolla]

There it is. Yeah. She's a bit of all right.

[Caller]

She's hungry.

[Todd Glass]

She's more than a bit.

[Caller]

Courtney Cox and Deschanel.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know who she's interviewing there. Is that Courtney Cox?

[Caller]

A blind woman.

[Todd Glass]

That's not Courtney's legs. Courtney Cox.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Don't know who that is, but there she is. She's laughing, she's smiling, she's wearing a little smart pants outfit.

[Todd Glass]

She wants.

[Adam Carolla]

A little highlights in there.

[Caller]

She's ready to chow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Shoulder pads now. What do you think? You think her brain has changed in the last 12 years? Or do you think she was always thinking destructive, horrible, evil, mean thoughts? For sure? Right. So when she walked off stage, how long before the yelling began? That's all.

[Caller]

Not a seconds. Those aren't shoulder pads.

[Adam Carolla]

Those are her. Those are actual shoulders. Those are called trapezoids. Lucy Lawless.

[Allison Rosen]

Lucy Lawless, under the radar hottie.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't get her back. Can't get her on the show.

[Allison Rosen]

On this show.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I had A weird experience with her.

[Bald Bryan]

Here we go.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, she is.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she probably wouldn't appreciate me saying this, but.

[Todd Glass]

But we will.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I was at. I've had the experience a time or two, at least in. In. In my. At least when I went back and looked at what happened.

[Todd Glass]

She wanted to get with you, and.

[Adam Carolla]

But was drunk and thought later that was a stupid idea and is embarrassed about it.

[Caller]

I thought you were gonna say, thought you were somebody else.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison, you know your stuff now. I have no idea, other than I think I showed up at Kimmel's show, like, one night just to hang out, have some free drinks and whatever. And I don't think I knew her very well. I don't think I'd even met her, but she was a guest that night. And when we were. When they were done with the show, it was sort of like, hey, there's Lucy. And I was like, hey, what's happening? And I think she'd had a couple cocktails, because sometimes people do to loosen up for a show or maybe to loosen up afterward. And she had a couple cocktails, and we just started talking, and she said, I love architecture. I love homes. I love renovation. I love whatever. And I said, I'm right in the middle of a big renovation I'm doing up on the hill there. And she's like, I'd love to check it out. And I was like, oh, well, sure, when you want to do that? And she's like, how about right now? And I was like, yeah, all right. Go check it out.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And to me, it's like, xena, warrior princess, wants to talk wood. Yeah, Ace, man.

[Caller]

Get her now.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if I was engaged or married at the time, but either way, I was like, listen, I can. It's not like I can get raped. Sure. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Well, it's Xena.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Caller]

She might be able to take you down.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a pretty good point.

[Caller]

I would be so scared. I would think, like, she's just gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, well, you know what? Actually, if you were raped, it'd be a pretty good excuse for your wife. It would be, you know, you like the perfect.

[Caller]

That's what she tells all her victims.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Caller]

You know, if I rape you.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean? I didn't have consensual sex with Lucy Lawless for an hour and 55 minutes.

[Caller]

It's better that you don't want this.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Caller]

You have to do it. You go, as soon as it happens, you, like, you nail her. You don't know when your wife's coming home, so you just have to get in the shower and start crying.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Pretend you're crying. She doesn't come home for, like, three hours. But you have to stay in there because she's got a piece of you in there. Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

So you're just like, you know, twittering or whatever. Just throw your phone in.

[Adam Carolla]

So we just went up and gave her, like. Gave her, like, the. Give her, like, the moonlight tour of the house. And she didn't really. I mean, it was like one of those things where, you know, I'm the dude, so if I don't do anything, nothing. Nothing's gonna happen, and I'm not gonna do anything. But I could had this feeling like if I did do something, she might go along with it.

[Todd Glass]

Well, at what point did you tell her that you are engaged or married or did you not? Because I imagine at that point she probably was like, oh, try to focus.

[Adam Carolla]

On the woodworking, sweetie.

[Caller]

Yeah, you were showing a home.

[Todd Glass]

So then when she found out later.

[Adam Carolla]

I stuck to things like the nailing schedule on shear walls, Stuff that really got her hot. You know what I mean? She actually touched herself at a certain point.

[Caller]

Was it all just innuendos? You're like, the carpet's gonna match the grape.

[Adam Carolla]

Difference between oriented strand board and struck one CDX ply again.

[Caller]

Can you tell me if this is straight?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was hardwood. These are 16 penny sinkers, baby. So they were just hanging out and it was like, you know, and I. I can't remember. I think I dropped her off. I think I drove her home or something. I just dropped her off and nothing happened. Yeah, but she's got a, you know, family, and I got a family, and it's like, I don't know, six months later, it's like she was slated to come on the show or something, and then turned out she couldn't. And then I saw her somewhere and she was like, weird, and nothing ever happened. But I think in her mind, something was or could have or something. I think chicks are a little bit different than dudes. Dudes can fuck you and not be weird the next time they see you. Like, hey, what's up?

[Caller]

Nothing happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, why don't you meet my wife and my twins? You know, they're just hate. They're sociopathic that way.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. Women are not.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the fee. I think chicks get a feeling or something, and then they feel weird, and then they feel like, I shouldn't have been there. And it's like, it's not like she never said anything to me or anything like that. So it wasn't weird. I mean, she didn't.

[Todd Glass]

It was an occasion of sin, though.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, this is speculation. I really don't know. All I know is one time I met her and I gave her a tour of my house. And the next time I saw her, it was like, oh, hey, what's going on?

[Caller]

Well, she's surely gonna come on the show now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, for sure.

[Caller]

That's. That's happening.

[Adam Carolla]

Next week's gonna be Don King, Ellen, Rosie, and now Lucy Lawless.

[Caller]

And we're doing her a favor by showing her, like, high school picture here. Yeah, I don't know when that's from.

[Adam Carolla]

She's hot.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, in the. In the fantasy. In the fantasy draft of Hotties. She's like an 8th round draft pick who you're thrilled to have stolen that late.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Like after the Stacy Keeblers, the world gets snatched up in the first round.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Of course.

[Caller]

Malin Ackerman there.

[Adam Carolla]

So just to be. Just to be clear, thinks she's nice, didn't cheat. She didn't cheat either.

[Caller]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

But something a little weird happened and I don't know what it was.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, it sounds like she felt that you guys had a moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe.

[Todd Glass]

We had a thought. It might be awkward. I didn't realize she was married at the time.

[Adam Carolla]

I think so. The good news is I'm impervious to moments.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been moment free since 1964. If you've seen the sign over my bed. Yeah. I don't know if she's still married. She has kids. I don't know, whatever. But I don't experience moments, so that's good.

[Caller]

She didn't appreciate your carpentry.

[Adam Carolla]

She was. Hold on now.

[Todd Glass]

You've gone too far.

[Adam Carolla]

This is.

[Caller]

I'm just speculating. Maybe she was really into architecture and it wasn't up to snuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. That is not a possibility. You know what? You know what? This show's over. We're ending this show. Honors. All right, Find us at the City Walk Thursday night. Brian Callan, who's in that new movie, Warrior. Yeah, yeah, Warrior.

[Caller]

Yeah, I've heard it's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. He's great comedian. Love that guy. Also, I'll be at the Tabernacle, not doing comedy, but singing this time. That's right. And Atlanta, Friday, September 30, Ferguson Hall, Tampa Bay, Saturday, October 1. And Feast of San Gennaro coming up soon. So you can get your tickets for the Prima Note. I'll be walking around trying to take a bite out of a pizza that I've been holding in my hand for an hour and 45 fucking minutes while you ask me to take a goddamn picture with you. Understand? That's how it's gonna work. That's coming up the 23rd through the 25th. Prima note is the 22nd. Anders home and Blake Anderson. Thank you so much, workaholics. Name of the show, season two premieres September 20, 10:30 on Comedy Central. So until next time, Adam Crawford for bald Bryan. Allison Rosen saying mahalo. I am Stacey Keebler. Turns out I'm addicted to teenage cock. Sure. And please, please, please don't tell my boyfriend George. But line up.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna suck you all up.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's Adam Cruel.

[Adam Carolla]

Show 652.

[Allison Rosen]

Coming up next, we have Adam Kroll show 605.

[Bald Bryan]

Todd Glass.

[Allison Rosen]

Allison Rose.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian Bishop.

[Bald Bryan]

No.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam Kroll in this episode. It's a guest hosted episode. Well, technically, Brian and Allison posted. They did a variety of these different types of format. So they don't have a guest come in and host their own version of.

[Adam Carolla]

The show with their own guest.

[Allison Rosen]

Or Bride and Allison or Bride and Gina would take over and host the show without Adam. And this is one of those episodes. I think this takes place in between Adam going to the Todd Glass heart attack charity fundraiser and then Todd Glass denouncing Adam. Good timing.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Carolla Show. Welcome to the Adam Carolla Show. I am not Adam Carolla. I'm Paul Bryan, filling in for Adams on the road today.

[Todd Glass]

I find this all very confusing.

[Allison Rosen]

I know listeners are most likely already disappointed. We're 10 seconds into the show, and I can feel the disappointment.

[Todd Glass]

I feel like we've lost some of them already. I tuned out eight seconds ago.

[Allison Rosen]

You're not alone. Allison Rosen is here with me.

[Todd Glass]

That's me.

[Allison Rosen]

To deliver the news and to co host the show. Thank you. This is a. It's an exciting treat, really.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole.

[Allison Rosen]

The whole JV team is here. The starting team has gone on the road. They have a road game tonight.

[Todd Glass]

That's right. They have an away game.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Todd Glass]

And we are here. We're gonna clean the locker room later.

[Allison Rosen]

You think we're stuck with the JV cheerleading squad?

[Todd Glass]

Probably.

[Allison Rosen]

Which would be rough, right? Depending on the school, of course.

[Todd Glass]

If it was a kid school. Well, I take offense at that because you might not know this, but I moonlight on the JV cheerleading squad.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. But I have no pep. So basically I just stand there, I'm like, go.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's sort of the opposite of moonlighting, though, because what we do, we do it at night.

[Todd Glass]

So you would be daylighting I daylight on the team.

[Allison Rosen]

Interesting.

[Todd Glass]

Actually, whilst driving here in the daylight, I was thinking there's something kind of nice about going to work at normal.

[Allison Rosen]

Working hours, if you consider this normal working hour.

[Todd Glass]

Right. The afternoon. Let me rephrase. There's something sort of nice about driving to work at really great working hours.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Normalish working hours when people are either working or coming home from work, as opposed to home from work.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Alright, that's cool. So Todd Glass is our guest today. Allison will be doing news. What else? I wanted to start the show with a little health update because we rarely talk about it, we allude to it. But one thing I do is I listen to a lot of podcasts and the podcasts I listen to, I pick up a lot of new ones along the way. And they don't always do a lot of resetting. They just assume that they're listening, everyone knows what's going on. And I do a lot of like, who's this guy? Is he a regular? Is he a guest?

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

What is the setup here? And for people who have. We've added a lot of new listeners in the last, let's say, six months or whatever it's been.

[Todd Glass]

You're welcome.

[Allison Rosen]

It was implied. Did you pick that up?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, I did.

[Allison Rosen]

We don't do a lot of resetting a lot of the time. And I don't know how much you, Allison, know about my health situation. Oh, you know, a little bit. Enough.

[Todd Glass]

Well, but I would like to know what's going on.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, people.

[Todd Glass]

So fill them in.

[Allison Rosen]

People all the time ask me. I had a friend ask me yesterday. They're like, so you over that? I'll just set up the setup. The premise here, I have brain cancer and it is inoperable. And I was diagnosed in early 2009 and I had a friend ask me yesterday, like, so you over this whole. This whole cancer thing's done. That's behind you. You're good now. And I don't blame her. She didn't talk to her in quite some time. But just. I assume it's a common question. No, I'm not over it. I will probably never be over it. I'll probably always have it in some form. I'm doing well. I'm doing much better than I was. There was certainly a time where, you know, Adam before he sort of put together the daily podcast which we have now. He would have Teresa and I on his guests every Tuesday. And it got to a point where I was. I was really not doing well physically, and I was slurring my words really badly, much worse than I am now. And it was to the point where I was really not in broadcast shape, you know what I mean? And I've gotten a lot better since then in the last year and a half or so. And I think people naturally, they hear that and they feel good about what I'm doing and how I'm feeling, and they're like, oh, he must be feeling a lot better. I am feeling a lot better. Thank you for asking. But I'll never be over it. You know what I mean? I'll never be cured. It's never the kind of thing that's gonna be like, oh, that's in the past. You don't have to worry about that. I get infusions once a month and going for an infusion a week from today, actually, and I get them once a month. I get MRIs every three or four months just to check up on the progress and see if my tumor is growing or shrinking or staying the same. Really, staying the same or shrinking is a victory. You know what I mean? Like, in the brain cancer world, a tie is a win. You know what I mean? That goes on your record as a w. So for the last year or so, it has been shrinking or staying the same. For the last four or five months, it's been staying the same. Doctors are thrilled. They're really happy. I'm going for another MRI tomorrow, so I will. No, Monday. Excuse me. Monday. So I'll update you all on the progress of that. But it's looking good. I feel very good. Thank you for asking. Most importantly, though, I guess if there's a more important thing. The other day, I bought razor blades.

[Todd Glass]

Mm. Don't end it.

[Allison Rosen]

No Mach 3 shaving blades for your face. Yeah. No, no, no, not blades. Like, to prepare for the inevitable. That's my version of the black pill. No, These are actual Mach 3 shaving razor blades. I bought, you know, whatever it was, a 10 pack or whatever, 15 pack or whatever it was. And this was. When you're. When you're in. In a health position like mine, you know, there's a lot of emotional milestones. You know what I mean? And buying razor blades was important for me because right after I got diagnosed, I went to Costco because it was that time we had to go to Costco and stack up on a lot of shit, right? And, you know, we bought all the soap and all the everything, you know, the dishwashing detergent and Tide and everything. And I was in the part where they sell the razor blades and I was looking and Costco doesn't sell anything in small quantities. They only sell, you know, 50 packs, right? Or whatever it is a razor blades or 25 packs, something just, you know, those razor blades last you a few weeks, especially when you shave once a week like me, they last you quite a while. So I'm looking at the. I'm standing in the aisle and I'd just been diagnosed maybe a week before, and initially I was given a 6 to 12 month survival prognosis. You know, it wasn't good. And I was engaged to be married. Engaged to be married two months later. You know what I mean? So this is all sort of coming together at the same time. And I was standing there in Costco looking at the razor blades, and I thought to myself, I'm like, some like 50 razor blades gonna cost me, you know, 50 bucks. And I'm like, oh, fuck it, I'll be dead before I can use all those. And then I thought to myself, oh, fuck it, I'm gonna use all those razor blades, you know, I mean, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna die. And, you know, initially, you know, who knew, it got much worse after that. I was feeling fine at that point, but it got much worse. But then it got much better and I finally used all the razor blades.

[Todd Glass]

Congratulations.

[Allison Rosen]

And I went to the store and I. It's the most ordinary thing in the world, but sometimes, you know, these ordinary things can be super. You know, they mark your time, you know what I mean? They mark your progress. They mark you sort of like, you know, mental and recovery and all that stuff. And I bought razor blades and I didn't buy the 50 pack again. I didn't want to tempt fate, but I bought the. I didn't go with the five pack.

[Todd Glass]

You don't want to be mocked by mock.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, exactly. Thank you. I didn't want to be mock times three. This is my second mock third mock in the candyman. Com.

[Todd Glass]

Right? Well, no wonder you look like a bum with that scruffy beard.

[Allison Rosen]

I haven't used the razor blades.

[Todd Glass]

That's a triumphant beard.

[Allison Rosen]

That's exactly right. No, I haven't used the razor blades yet.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And again, if worse comes to worse, if I get the bad news from the doctor at any point, those razor blades are doing double duty.

[Todd Glass]

Well, see, it's interesting you say all this, because there's someone in my family is currently dealing with cancer, and this person is not open with it like you are. So that's why I'm being sort of vague. But I'm very close to it. And I've watched the different ways that people. People can react to things like this, and I just. I'm. And you're an inspiration to this person. I marvel at your attitude and the way that it seems to me that you are. Well, let me ask you this. Have you changed the way you live your life?

[Allison Rosen]

A little bit. A little bit, but not much. I mean, I've always been a sort of optimistic person. I mean, I think I may have told the story early on, probably not to you. When the doctor was first giving my sort of diagnosis and prognosis and telling me what's going on and everything, and you've got brain tumor. And all I know from brain tumors is kindergarten cop. And people occasionally have them removed surgically. So I was like. I'm like, all right. I'm like. He's explaining it in serious medical jargon. And he said to me. I said to him, my exact words were, doc, realistically, what are we looking at? Because he's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, you're drowning me in information. Like, doc, realistically, what are we looking at? And he paused and he goes, normally in these circumstances, in these situations, I say six to 12 months. And my first thought was, holy shit. Because I'm getting married. I'm whatever. I was 29 or whatever it was, and I'm like, holy shit. My next thought. The next thought in my mind I remember was, well, I don't. That's not gonna be me. You know what I mean? I just never thought that it. You know, that it was gonna be like that. I never thought that. I mean, years down the road, it may take me before my time. But I just thought. I didn't see it being like, I'm not gonna. You know, I'm gonna see my wedding and see, you know, my honeymoon and. Do all these sound like. I just never thought that I wouldn't. And it's so weird because, you know, I'm. I'm not. I'm not an idiot. I understand that, you know, the medications work and the doctors are geniuses and the pills are good and the treatments and blah, blah. I understand that. That is what has improved my function and kept me alive. But at the same time, there's gotta be a component you know what I mean? That you can. I don't want to say heal yourself, but there's got to be an opponent where you put yourself in that frame of mind where you're like, that's not gonna be me. You know what I mean? Like, I. Whatever. That's not gonna be the way it goes. And that would. That's the way it was for me, but it's always sort of been the way. I always just had a feeling things would work out, you know what I mean? And for the most part, they have. And I would tell that to your family member that I mean, and you can't. It's a weird thing, too, because. And that's not to say that I never had, you know, moments of doubt or scared or anything like that. I definitely did. But you can't fake it. You know what I mean? You just got to believe it, I guess. And that's a stupid answer, because I wish I could teach people how to fake it. So they did believe it, you know what I mean? Because that would be the best solution. It's like if you convince yourself you.

[Todd Glass]

Make a zillion bucks with a motivating book.

[Allison Rosen]

I had a friend who's like, here's what you do. When I was not doing so well, here's what you do. You just pick a fruit or vegetable or whatever, start taking a lot of it, and then when you do get better, you can say, I owe this all, too, blah, blah, blah. Then you can write a book about it. They'll hire you as an endorser, whatever. Bananas, grapes, whatever it is.

[Adam Carolla]

The pat.

[Allison Rosen]

The healing power of grapes. And people will flock to you because you've been healed like grapes. I didn't necessarily. Yeah, I didn't necessarily want to be a charlatan, but it was definitely in the cards. It was something I considered.

[Todd Glass]

Right. It's still there for you.

[Allison Rosen]

It's still on the table.

[Todd Glass]

Snake oil is never off the table for you.

[Allison Rosen]

Snake oil sales are on the rebounds.

[Todd Glass]

Well, you. I know you said to me that, you know, before. Before the health crisis for you, people would say to you that you don't worry enough. Like, you've always. Do you remember saying that?

[Allison Rosen]

I guess I do. I do remember saying that. I forget things that I say all the time, but, yeah, I do. Yeah. Yes. My parents, especially would tell me that I didn't worry enough. I never worried about getting into a good college or whatever, and I was like, I'm gonna go to the college I'm supposed to go to, and I'LL make the best of it. You know what I mean? It's never, never really sweated the details. I think Adam has probably made that illusion to it, you know, that I've. Don't seem to worry about too much.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't send a lot of, you know, frantic emails. Like, this has got to be, you know, it's got to be addressed or just, you know, things will. Things will mostly work themselves out.

[Todd Glass]

It's beautiful.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, thanks. Thank you. And that's funny. Not funny, but it's interesting that you talk about your family member who is more withdrawn about those kinds of things, because people were surprised initially when I was so open and so upfront, you know, how to a blog about the whole thing. An inconvenient tumor. My wife sort of kept a blog through the thick and the thin of the first year and a half or so of when I was diagnosed and being treated. And people were surprised. Like, I'm surprised you're being so open with it. And it's like the outpouring of support that our fans, the Carol show fans are pretty awesome. I mean, just nevermind the support for the sponsors and the Guinness Records thing and all that. I got so many emails, heartfelt emails, saying, I don't know you. I feel like I know you. I've been listening to you for years and I hope you're doing great. I hope you do great and kick this thing's ass. All those things, it was so genuine. It's like that's just another small part, I think, of my recovery. You know what I mean? It's another thing that sort of just, you know, I would get bolstered. I'd feel pretty low, you know, before I would read these emails, I would read them, they would feel great and put me in a good frame of mind.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. And had you not been open, then he would have. And I would have done that alone.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And also making my life behind a microphone. You know what we do. I would have had the choice of either going away completely unannounced, you know, like, oh, Bell, Brian is not around anymore. You know, I'm not around. I mean, like, not coming on the show and not doing all that stuff and then eventually not around, or coming on the show and being like, you know, horribly slurred. I mean, I don't know.

[Todd Glass]

They just think you were drunk.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. The whole thing would be, what's up with, you know, what's up with emails? And there'd be, you know, postings, but just seemed easier, you know, I mean, Just seemed like a cleaner way to sort of address everything, keep it up front. I don't know if you ever heard those old shows where I was on. You probably didn't. They're pretty.

[Todd Glass]

I've heard some of them.

[Allison Rosen]

It's pretty. It's pretty tough to listen to. Like, I remember I would have ideas. I wasn't doing drops. I was basically sitting in as, like a second, you know, news girl behind Teresa. And she'd be doing her thing, and I'm doing his thing. And I would make what I think was. What I thought would be a hilarious joke, but it would come out, like. And be like, huh? And I have to slow down, which is the death of comedy. You're like, please repeat that. And you slowly like, oh, yeah, that's good. That's good stuff.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, geez. Wait, so this was after the treatment had started?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah. I really. I can't. Can't remember exactly, like, in the progression of everything. I'm sure it's all been timestamped by the podcast, but, you know, my treatment was around May to June of 2009, and it was the ensuing six months, you know, up until, you know, September, October, November, that time that I was really doing poorly. Then I started Avastin, which is a new, you know, chemotherapy.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And the. The comeback started.

[Todd Glass]

I never knew you were second news girl. I didn't really refer to that that way. Internally. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it was either that. Well, that was my unofficial title. My official title was pity case because I literally had nothing else to do. I was sitting there mumbling what I thought were witty retorts, but they were just kind of. It was awful. It was really terrible. But, yeah, back to your family member. It's. It's totally a common thing, I think, for people to want to be very. Let's put it this way, my aunt was in the same. A similar boat and chose not to disclose what was happening to her. And then eventually, you know, the, you know, cancer took over and she died. And, you know, we only knew what was happening at the very end, you know, days to go. And it was always like, oh, what happening with, you know, your aunt? She's really tired. She really. Blah, blah, blah. And I suspected, but I couldn't say. And I wasn't going to confront her. But I saw one of my nurses a week later, and, you know, she's a Russian lady named Isabella maybe. She's really, really nice, whatever her name is. She's really nice and one of my favorite nurses, and I was telling her she's like, how you doing? And I'm like, thick Russian accent, how you doing? And I was like, oh, you know, my aunt died, you know, cancer, and she sees it all the time. And, you know, and I told her. I'm like, she chose not to tell anybody, and she chose to just kind of suffer silently, and we didn't know till the end. And she took a big sigh. She's like, is her choice. You know what I mean? Like that. That you can't begrudge someone.

[Todd Glass]

It's weird that she was Latin American.

[Allison Rosen]

I know. Well, I. I chalked it up mostly to my poor accent impression. Todd is here. So we're gonna go through one thing real quick because I wanted to get to this, and I've alluded to it on the show. And then we'll do news with Todd because he's a guy who has lots and lots of opinions. But I want to do one thing real quick. There's something out there called a Nohari window. I've alluded to it on the show before, and along this along the lines of people. Alison telling me that I was crazy for talking about, you know, my cancer. So up front, another thing people told me I was crazy for was the no. Hari window is something that allows you. Allows your friends to anonymously tell you what they think your worst qualities are, as friends do. And it will arrange. Well, that's the thing. Your friends know your worst qualities. All your free. You know what I mean? Your friends always behind your back. And they may love you, but they're like, Allison, she's so. Whatever the word is. Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

She makes us feel. With her awesomeness.

[Allison Rosen]

She's too awesome. If only she would tone down.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Todd Glass]

Exactly. If only she would hide that light under a bushel.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, there's. How many words are there? 50. There's 50 or so words right there, all describing some kind of personality flaw. And what you do is you select four or five or six or whatever you want that you think your personality flaws are, and it records it for you. Then you send the link out to your friends. You say anonymously, fill this out, pick six words.

[Todd Glass]

I didn't realize that it provided these negative things. I thought that it was just a window where they could type in anything they wanted. Because I don't think that that exists now.

[Allison Rosen]

It may very well. This really does. This really does, like, cover. You know what I mean? Like. Yeah. And also, you won't get the petty. Like that time that I wanted to. Yeah. The time that I was ugly. Think she's so hot. Think she's so great now that she's doing new for the Adam girl. But they'll. They'll. Those 50 words really do cover most every personality flaw.

[Todd Glass]

Let's tell people what some of them are.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I will tell people what people chose for me.

[Todd Glass]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm being very upfront about. This is 2006, so I've grown a little bit since then. I chose for myself. I chose. What did I choose? I have it right here. Okay. I chose four for myself. I thought that I was inane, loud, predictable, self satisfied, and I was being hard on myself. Yeah, I really did perfectly.

[Todd Glass]

I wouldn't say inane.

[Allison Rosen]

I thought that at the time. I thought that I was inane.

[Todd Glass]

I wouldn't say, you're loud.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I did. I can be allowed.

[Todd Glass]

What was the third?

[Allison Rosen]

Loud, inane, and predictable.

[Todd Glass]

But again, no. Maybe a little self satisfied. That's the only one part of it.

[Allison Rosen]

Was, I very much want to know what people think of me, honestly, so I can change things about myself. Not so I can be like people think I'm blah, blah, blah. No, so I can actually address these things.

[Todd Glass]

And do you want it to grow?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, grow a little bit. But so what people chose. 42% each chose the most four popular answers. I was self satisfied, as I predicted, smug, which I don't know about that. And then distant and withdrawn.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

Which I never saw from it. How dare you. I'm leaving. I'm out of here. But I never saw that for myself. And that's.

[Todd Glass]

And no, on the contrary. You thought you were loud, and. Yeah, like, you thought you were more of sort of a buffoon. It's. If I may.

[Allison Rosen]

How dare you. That's not on there.

[Todd Glass]

I know, but I'm just extrapolating. When, in fact, they saw you as more, like, icy, frigid.

[Allison Rosen]

The next most popular answer is Alison. There's no need to pile on Allison. I'm being vulnerable enough right now.

[Todd Glass]

I appreciate this intimacy we're sharing with the listeners.

[Allison Rosen]

28% chose cynical, insecure, and passive.

[Todd Glass]

Interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't feel like I'm in. I guess I'm kind of ins. How can they say I was insecure? I'm proving it right now.

[Todd Glass]

No, I wouldn't. I don't think of you as insecure.

[Allison Rosen]

I've addressed these things. I made it my goal over the next, like, year after. This is 2006. So this is right when the radio show was beginning, and I said to myself, these are things I need to work on. I need, I need to improve myself as a person.

[Todd Glass]

Did you have any sort of knee jerk? Oh, fuck these people. They don't know me.

[Larry Miller]

No, no.

[Allison Rosen]

Because I asked them to. I asked, you know what I mean? Like there's, there was initially, when I saw the results, there was initially a, like a wow. Really? I don't think. But I'm like, people said it. People said it. And they're said it anonymously, so they must mean it.

[Todd Glass]

How many of your friends said this?

[Allison Rosen]

Only seven. But only some were willing to take the quiz. I sent it to like 30 people and only seven thought, yeah, I got plenty responses saying, I will not do this. I'm like, you should absolutely do this. This is helping you. I think I titled the email help me help you. So, Alison, if you had to look at that list, if you had to.

[Todd Glass]

Start this yourself, okay, what are you driving at?

[Adam Carolla]

What would you choose for yourself?

[Todd Glass]

I have something to say. Yeah. Which is that I am actually dating someone now. I know. I also didn't think it would ever happen ever. But I am. And I marvel at the way he is able to hear anything and not take it personally. Stuff that's not intended to be taken personally. And I think, God, I hope that I will be able to not take things personally because I know myself and I know that I tend to take things personally. So if take things personally is one of those.

[Allison Rosen]

Hold on. What's your gut reaction to just knowing that this exists and this could be people talking about you? Are you sort of like repulsed or are you like, oh, interesting, you know what I mean? The reason I ask is because when I first described this to someone who I just met at the time, Teresa Strasser, she was strongly opposed to the idea. She was like, I would never in a million years. She couldn't. You know what I mean? I understand some people have that reaction to it.

[Todd Glass]

Well, I know I didn't know of Nohari. I know of one. I think it's called Formspring.

[Allison Rosen]

The link will be on AdamCarrillo.com there's.

[Todd Glass]

Another one where you can, where people can anonymously say what they think of you, but it doesn't limit your choices. So they can just write in whatever. And that's what I thought this was. And I felt like, wow, you have to be a really strong person to open yourself up to that because you might get mean spirited, but this isn't much different. Well, to me, knowing that it, that they can only choose things from this list and, and none of them are real like below the belt things makes me feel more comfortable with it.

[Allison Rosen]

I would say stupid is pretty bad. I would say violent is pretty bad.

[Todd Glass]

That's true. Okay, so let me see. I. You know what? I'm gonna say what I think are my things, and I'm gonna say what other people means, mean people might say are my things.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Todd Glass]

I feel like there are some people who might think I'm incompetent.

[Allison Rosen]

No one thinks you're incompetent.

[Todd Glass]

Thank you. I would vote insecure. For me. In the past, I would have said I'm needy. I don't think I'm needy anymore. But I could see, you know, someone from who knew me a while ago thinking I'm needy. I don't think I'm blase.

[Allison Rosen]

I could see other ones.

[Todd Glass]

I see someone else thinking I'm blase.

[Allison Rosen]

Embarrassed into. Insensitive. Dispassionate. Intolerant. Aloof.

[Todd Glass]

Irresponsible, maybe Aloof, maybe overdramatic.

[Allison Rosen]

You should do this.

[Todd Glass]

Maybe inflexible.

[Allison Rosen]

You should do this with your friends and report the results on the show, as I have done.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Open yourself up, Alison. What are you hiding? No, seriously, what are you hiding?

[Todd Glass]

Timid? No. Unhelpful.

[Allison Rosen]

Now you're really into this.

[Todd Glass]

Now I am into it. Panicky? No. I wonder if people think I'm smug.

[Allison Rosen]

I wouldn't say that. I understand the smug and self satisfied thing for me and I've addressed it and I've been like, if you think I'm smug now, I was way worse five years ago.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Which is pretty bad. Sorry. Coming up, Todd Glass news and a special sports quiz for one Allison Rosen. Todd and I will gamble on the results. We'll take a quick break. Coming up next, news, Todd Glass and more. Welcome back. Thank you for joining us once again on the Adam Carollo Show. I think it's going pretty good, Alison.

[Todd Glass]

I think it's great.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam, what do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

I agree with Bald Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

Thanks, buddy. Well, I guess it's going pretty good then. Todd Glass is our guest. Thanks for joining us.

[Bald Bryan]

Todd doesn't. Adam. Adam, can I ask him a question?

[Allison Rosen]

As long as it involves agreeing with me.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, Bob Bryan said that I was the best guest that he ever had on. What does he think? Well, Adam, what do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

I agree with Bald Bryant.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

He knows. He knows a strong opinion when he hears one.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I'm doing good.

[Allison Rosen]

Good. Man, you look great. You had some health problems yourself. Can we talk about that?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't mind. I had a heart attack.

[Allison Rosen]

You had a heart attack? Backstage at Largo right after Sarah Silverman and Friends. I saw Jeff Ross just after that, and he. I mean, just after he basically broke the news to us.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, it was. You know, it was. The thing that was weird is that I do work out every day. I only smoke about a pack a month, so I'm not, you know, I was 30 pounds overweight. Nothing major.

[Allison Rosen]

You look good, by the way.

[Bald Bryan]

I'd lost 30 pounds, which is. Let me tell you something. You would think I was morbidly obese the way I talk about it, because all I do is think about now what I would have normally eaten. You know, Like, I think, oh, I would have eaten there. I would have eaten there.

[Todd Glass]

I was the food that got away.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, the food, the food. That's funny. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I always think about what don't occur.

[Bald Bryan]

Don't. Don't occur. It was all right, Adam. What do you think? So now it's just like, you know, constantly just trying to, you know, just trying, you know. How many rice cakes and carrots with peanut butter can you eat?

[Allison Rosen]

About six years ago, I lost £55.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you really?

[Allison Rosen]

How did you do it? What was your sort of method?

[Bald Bryan]

The heart attack scared me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, that'll motivate you.

[Bald Bryan]

That'll motivate you. Because I don't like to. Believe it or not, I don't like to tell everybody I have a heart attack. So sometimes I see some. They know I quit smoking. Now, I don't mention I had a heart attack, but they can tell by the way I asked them. I go, how'd you quit, man? And they'll be like, you quit. I go, all right, here's the time I gotta tell them it took a heart attack to get me to quit. I loved smoking. Even the pack of months, it was so much fun.

[Allison Rosen]

You savored the pack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And it was. It was like if I was. After I quit smoking, if I was gonna go to the Improv or wherever I used to smoke, I swear, I'm not exaggerating. I would go. I'd be driving. I go, yeah. Why will I stop by the Improv? I can't smoke. Why should I have go camping? Because I won't be able to, you know, have, like, a Jack and Coke around the campfire and smoke a cigarette.

[Todd Glass]

It's like anyone kicking an addiction, it's hard, you know?

[Bald Bryan]

So I thought, you know, it's just. It's getting better. Now I understand what people meant when they said, when I would ask people that I quit smoking for three years. I'm like, they go, yeah, you get, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. I'm getting used to it. So.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I, I know exactly what you're saying. No, I lost my thought. I knew exactly what you're saying.

[Todd Glass]

I forgot you were saying that you had lost £55.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it was the, it was the not wanting to be super upfront with people about you don't want to be, you don't want to be health malady guys. Like, I know I had heart attack about it. I have, I have cancer, but I rarely, I don't tell people who I just met because I don't like to put them in uncomfortable positions. You know what I mean? Because there's like, ooh, ah.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Because I also think about that, like when you're on the plane and like, if something bad happens to me. One time I had a hop on a plane because my mom had a, my mom had a heart attack. Who. She's absolutely fine now.

[Allison Rosen]

Good.

[Bald Bryan]

And I had the person next to me said, you know, where are you going? I didn't say, I'm going home because my mom had a heart attack or God forbid, I had to go home because of a death. Because now that person next to you, they're, they're probably a decent human being. And yes, they're gonna go, but now they've got to work, now they've got to be nice, and now they've got to be a therapist. And now so I just, you know, so. But because I've had that happen on the plane where someone goes, you know, where are you going? Hey, if they're over, you know, 70, right. They get to get out of jail free. You know what I mean? I'll be more than happy to talk to a 75 year old person who had their, you know, sister die or something. But if you're 34, 30 years old or 40 or whatever, just know, come on.

[Allison Rosen]

Plus, there's a thing. Don't you want to send people on their way, having a nice day, like, oh, I met the nicest guy on the plane today. He was. Well, as opposed to, oh, gee, how's your plane ride? Next to this cancer victim? Wouldn't shut up about it. Which I'm, I feel like no one.

[Todd Glass]

Would actually say that.

[Allison Rosen]

Wouldn't shut the up about it.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, they would. That's what he means. They wouldn't say it. They would think it. That's what you're saying, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

When I had the heart attack, I had smoked pot once with Sarah. With Sarah Silverman. Well, that's my point. Once when I had a bad reaction.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

So she saw what it was like and it just passes. It takes about a half an hour. It's just, I'm a one hit pot guy, Smoke pot. One hit, I'm high for five hours. People can't believe it. And so she saw my symptoms. They were the exact same as about a time three years ago when she saw me be too high. So she was like, no, leave him alone. He's all right. And eventually she thought, you know, it's time. But, oh, it was crazy. How many through the heart attack, even after I knew I had a heart attack, that I still was joking.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Bald Bryan]

I remember there was one point when Sarah and Jeff, Ross and Flanagan where they were all sitting next to me and they had to say goodbye to him. We're going to take him in for surgery. And they all came around me and I said to Sarah, I remember thinking, come on, you got one opportunity. Hopefully you'll never have another heart attack again. And I said, sarah, I got to tell you this. Your boyfriend cheats on you. She laughed really hard. And then she goes, todd, if you live, this is going to be. Be so awkward.

[Allison Rosen]

Does he feel like it gives you a. I don't want to say a cachet on stage, but with certain comedians who've been through certain things, there's a subtext. Everything you do and say now, I mean, do you feel like audiences know that or is it sort of like just a. Whatever kind of thing?

[Bald Bryan]

I've mentioned it on stage.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

But mostly I haven't. I don't know why I haven't mentioned it that much. And it hasn't really. Most people ask me and it's all right. It's a. It's a good question. If it did, did it change you, you know, did it change your appreciation for life? And I already had a pretty good appreciation for life. The only time. And I've told this story maybe twice before. It does sound cheesy, but. But I'll. But I'll give it to you. When I left the hospital and. And I heard cars horns, birds chirping. Lost it, really lost it. Getting out of the.

[Allison Rosen]

Getting emotionally.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, just getting out of the. Walking out, getting out of the wheelchair, you know, they got to push you out of a wheelchair. I was fine. I felt great.

[Allison Rosen]

Literally illegally. I'd been pushed in the wheelchair.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Heard Horns heard, heard cars saw the sun. And I just. First I thought I was gonna shed a tear, and then I was like, oh, my God. Just. You know, that could have all been. You know, it's all cliche stuff. It's all. You know, but it's like, that could have been gone, you know, I 100%.

[Allison Rosen]

Know what you're talking about. It's. You don't realize how amazing all the ordinary stuff is until you're like, wow, this ordinary stuff could have not been part of my life anymore. My life could have not been part of my life.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's.

[Bald Bryan]

It's. You know, that was. That was. That was emotional.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. At what point in the whole thing did you realize you were having a heart attack? Was. Is the whole. Is it typical as a chest, left arm?

[Bald Bryan]

Well, I didn't have any of the pains. I was sweating profusely.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

It's funny, because Chelsea Handler, a comedian, she goes. She goes, just give him a dry shirt. He'll feel better. And I always tease her. I go, I would have been dead if it was up to you. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Jeff Rowe said you were sweating profusely.

[Bald Bryan]

It was bad, and I was out of breath. It did feel like there was heaviness on my chest, but I didn't think that. I just thought. Well, I ran around on stage a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot.

[Allison Rosen]

You're animated on stage.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. This night even more than ever. And I thought, you know, hey. But then I did. I did a set after it, and I thought maybe I was just catching my breath and sweating. I never. I remember when Jeff Ross called the ambulance. I remember thinking, you know when you're hungover and if you just say two words, you'll get sick again. You finally get to a space where you're, like, breathing in and out, Breathing out. If someone goes, are you okay? And you have to go, no, I'm all right. Damn. I gotta start alone.

[Allison Rosen]

Hold the handle.

[Bald Bryan]

Everyone stay away. Let me just breathe. I remember thinking, as soon as I have the energy, I'm gonna tell Jeff. I'm gonna lift my head up and go, jeff, I don't need an ambulance. Yeah, Like I thought.

[Allison Rosen]

I can just muster enough energy to.

[Bald Bryan]

Say those words, and I never got the energy. And then the ambulance was there.

[Allison Rosen]

Ironic.

[Bald Bryan]

And then the guy goes, literally, he goes, let us just get you in the ambulance. We'll check your vitals, save you a trip to the emergency ward. And then 30 seconds later, he goes, sir, I don't mean to alarm you, but you're having a Heart attack.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Bald Bryan]

And I knew what he meant. He meant, you know, you're in. He goes, I know that's a little weird to say that, but what I mean is you're in the. The best place you could be. You're gonna be fine. And then the ambulance. I hear the siren go. Jeff Ross hops in the ambulance with me, and we go flying down La Cienega Boulevard. And I remember thinking this, you know, it sucks I'm having a heart attack because I can't enjoy this ambulance ride, Right? And then I thought, but I must be enjoying it a little or I wouldn't have thought that they would have thought that. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

But I remember. I remember where we were taking a right, and we were like, no, the ambulance, the lights weren't on, siren wasn't on, because, you know. And then all of a sudden, I hear, woo. And I'm like, there we go.

[Allison Rosen]

You were at Largo. Did you go to Cedars?

[Bald Bryan]

Went to Cedars. So it was very.

[Allison Rosen]

That's where I get treated. It's a great. It' great. It's a great facility.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, my God.

[Allison Rosen]

They're top notch, man, aren't they? Yeah, they're really great people.

[Bald Bryan]

I felt like every person at that hospital that I've bumped into, oh, it must be their first day or their first year. They're still nice.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

How long do you work here? 20 years.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, they're lifers, man. And that's a sign of a good hospital. People, like, you know, put in that kind of time. This is where I want to make my career. I want to make my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

They were so nice and so warm, you know, I was. You know, when I was. When I was being with the nurse who had to, you know, like, they had. The weird part was when I got up to the emergency area where they were going to do the surgery, the doctor came in and he, you know, he said, how you doing, Todd? I'm doctor. He goes, guess what? We're gonna be just fine because we're gonna go in, we're gonna do what we need to do.

[Allison Rosen]

Isn't that great?

[Bald Bryan]

And I thought. I looked at him, and I was like, you are like that Alec Baldwin movie. You are. God, you know, and kicks the door in, grabs you. And then three in the morning, I was back in my room, and I. I felt unbelievable.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. My main artery was 100% clogged. I didn't know that. You know, how do.

[Allison Rosen]

What are they. How do they.

[Todd Glass]

Angioplasty or what did they Do?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, the. What did you say?

[Todd Glass]

Did they put. Did they do stents?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, yeah, they did the stents. And he said, just, you know, take your Lipitor the rest of your life. And I'm off every medicine. Now all I do is take Lipitor and an aspirin. That's it.

[Allison Rosen]

That's fantastic.

[Bald Bryan]

And I'm all good. What about you? I know you might have talked about this before, but if you are you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I gave a brief update. People ask me that exact question all the time. And just to recap what I said earlier in the show, but to tell you, no, I'm not cancer free, but I'm doing very well. And my tumor shrunk. It's manageable. It's much smaller than it was. And as you can see, I don't know if you ever saw or heard me in my worst states, but I was not doing so well. I was having trouble getting around. I was using a walker for quite some time. I mean, you know, I owned a walker. And so I'm doing better. I get the MRIs every couple months. The doctor checks it and. And it's funny because he'll give me a lot of medical jargon, but I can just. I judge my reaction off his reactions. You know what I mean? And he's like, we're doing great, man. We're doing really good. I couldn't be happier. And I'm like, I guess I'm happy, too, because I don't know what you're telling me, but you're happy, so I'm happy. So, yeah, it's good.

[Bald Bryan]

Good.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, man.

[Bald Bryan]

Good.

[Allison Rosen]

So you are from Philadelphia.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm from Philly.

[Allison Rosen]

And you started stand up around 15?

[Bald Bryan]

I started just 15. 16. My brother. My brother was in a fraternity down there in temple, and he was. My first few open mic nights, he drove me to them.

[Allison Rosen]

Is your brother Bill Cosby?

[Bald Bryan]

No. Yeah, my brother's Bill Cosby. I do an impersonation of Bill Cosby.

[Todd Glass]

I'm just kidding.

[Bald Bryan]

I was at a place. I forget. I think. I don't want to say the club because they book a lot of acts like this, but I'm not kidding you. Like, 10 years ago, it was still bad to do it, but there's a guy. Not only did he do Bill Cosby, but I shouldn't convince you. I shouldn't be able to convince you that the guy went for this. You ready? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jello pudding.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Bald Bryan]

Who in this audience knows what the f. You're talking about? I don't know if we're allowed to.

[Allison Rosen]

Curse, but you're absolutely allowed to curse.

[Bald Bryan]

Hey, hey, hey. Jello pudding. You know what? Good for you and your big balls for doing that shitty bit.

[Allison Rosen]

I was listening to you on another podcast and heard a crazy story. You told it about opening for Patti LaBelle. Like, back in the day, Alison Singers used to have comedians open up for them. I was like, the thing to do. Steve Martin opened up for, like, Chicago or someone like that.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Her audience was unbelievable. And that's why I said to. If you have. I don't like stereotyping positively, because then it just feeds into that negatively. You can do it. But I will say that black audiences, maybe it's this. They are expressive, and when they like you, there's no other. They do what I do. Like, when I hear a funny joke, I want to repeat it. Some people go with me. Most of my friends go with me. That's just part of what we do. Sometimes Go. Yeah, I just heard him say it. I know. I want to. I want to go. He said, and I want to repeat the joke. If I see, you know, a comedian that I like or Brian Regan or Eddie Pepitone, sometimes I'll repeat it at my seat. Not so loud. Where everybody hears. And. And her audiences were unbelievable. I mean, it was probably 1985, and we were on Broadway for, like, two months, and it was crazy. And you know what?

[Allison Rosen]

It's crazy.

[Bald Bryan]

I didn't know who she was. My manager, I didn't really have a manager. The owner of the club, who was very helpful, Steve Young, said, why don't you watch her? She's gonna be on the Tonight Show. So you learn a little bit about her. I was right.

[Allison Rosen]

That was just at the beginning of her comeback.

[Bald Bryan]

New attitude.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. That was right around the top of Beverly Hills Cop.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

And I learned from her.

[Allison Rosen]

Good time to be Patty.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. She was unbelievable. Her show, okay, maybe all the music wasn't, you know, my favorite music, but a lot of it was just great music. Yeah. Performance. I mean, it sounds so cheesy for me to say it, but Patti LaBelle, I would imagine, still does the same thing every single solitary night. Rocks it. She goes out there and gives again. All sounds so okay. 150%. I mean, just every single night. Her show was great. And. And the funny thing was, she was just turning 40. Now, I'd like to think it was 50, but I know it was 40. Me and my friends, I'm. I'm 18. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

That's probably all right. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

My brother's 16. Some of my friends. Here's me. Every single show, we'd stand on the sidelines. We never got seats, but there was always a, you know, place we could stand and watch the show. And I would go, how old you think she is? And my friends would go, I don't know, like 30. Some would guess younger. I go, she's 40. Like, how can she still be moving up there? You know, she. But you know, 40 when you're 18.

[Allison Rosen]

She blew their mind. She was 40 years old.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

When's the last time I talked to her?

[Bald Bryan]

You know what I wish? I wish that I could talk to her again. I don't know if she knows how much again. Not to get melancholy again, but, you know, my dad has passed away and he saw me do stand up a little. But I think everybody has said this in this type of business or anything you do, whether it's in this business or not, you want to see your parents, see you be successful, happy and successful. And he saw me opening up for Patti LaBelle. And that was, you know, on Broadway. And it was like, that makes me feel good that he saw that. And she couldn't have been any nicer. I mean, my. When they were there in the audience, she was like, where's Todd's parents? I'm like. And then they would raise their hand. She goes, he's crazy. So that was a. That was a. Probably to this day, one of the best experiences I've ever had. I wish I could see her and show her, tell her how much she taught me as being a decent, kind.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Caring, giving, great performer.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's cool that happened to you as a young comic. You know what I mean? That sort of, like, started you off on the right foot, so to speak.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

That's very cool.

[Bald Bryan]

To learn a lot of things that I didn't even realize I was learning then. I just. Just in hindsight, most of it back then I was 18. I don't think I took anything in except, oh, my God, how nice she was.

[Allison Rosen]

But you look back on it and you're like, I learned a lot.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. But anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, well, Austin's gonna do a little bit of news and jump in and let me give a plug actually to Todd right now. So get it in the meat of the show. You got a big. You're taping a one hour special at the El Rey.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I'm taping a one hour special at the El Rey Theater on August 6th.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

And tickets are on sale now. And Then I'm going away for two weeks to get ready for it. So one is at the Comedy Bar in Toronto.

[Allison Rosen]

Correct. July 21st to 24th. And then July 26th to 31st. At the Laughing Skull in Atlanta.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Two of my favorite clubs. That's why I picked them, to get ready for the special.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of clubs, I. One movie I've watched many times and I just rewatched. Because you're in it, is. I am comic. I like that. I like that movie a lot. And you have some very strong opinions on club layout. Clubs should be laid out.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, it's just getting it, you know, like before we got on the air. And I think I've said this. Why didn't the last studio in wasn't Adams? And I walk around here and I'm like, God, Adam Carolla fucking gets it. And long. I know. I was talking to the producer and he said, you know, a lot of the stuff the two of them did together, but you walk in here and it's like, yes, it looks. Everything looks cool. Like, you don't. You know, the green room in the middle of the. With all those cool cars and it's just in the middle there. It's just like. So, like, it's just getting it, you know, like, it's. And that's what I try to do at comedy clubs. I think, why don't they get it? Why don't they do it right, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, in the movie, you designed pretty much club, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You have the low. The low ceilings, the red, the dark, the candles. There's all important elements. Larry Miller talked about it too. He's like, all you need is microphones to work right. Low ceilings, low light. Ultimately, the end of the day, you don't need.

[Bald Bryan]

I used to tell people, it may pretend you're having a theater. Where would you have a play here? But then I rethought about it. Would you have a massage in this room? And that sounds a little weird. Yeah. When you have a massage, what goes on in the room? It's dark. There's no doors opening and closing, you know, and. And it's just. You just. It's tranquil to do a good comedy show. It's gotta be. Once you go that you should go down a long hallway, open a door, go through a curtain, and there the music's playing, the candles are lit. It's bright enough on stage to see the performer but not bounce back and brighten up the audience. And you know what? No matter how many times I say it and I've heard people listen to this. They. They hear this. They go, you gotta come to my club. We love your podcast. I go. I get so excited. I'm like, if they heard my podcast.

[Allison Rosen]

It'S gonna be fucking up.

[Bald Bryan]

I go. And I'm like, are you shitting me? Really?

[Adam Carolla]

This.

[Bald Bryan]

You heard what I said, and this is the. The way you set it up? It looks like shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. There's a referendum on their listening abilities.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

A very poor one.

[Bald Bryan]

Thank you.

[Todd Glass]

Wait, why low ceilings?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Todd can probably explain, but the sound. You feel more intimate.

[Bald Bryan]

You feel the laughter, bounces around better. But anyway, you got me sweating.

[Allison Rosen]

Started working. By the way, has your recovery changed your onstage act like the way. Because you are. You get worked up on stage. You know what I mean? Have you had to tone it down?

[Bald Bryan]

No. No, I don't. I don't. I asked, even as my doctor, that I go, could I. He goes, you can't. He goes, the most you could get is heat exhaustion. You can't make yourself have a heart attack, because unless your arteries are clogged up, then you could maybe throw yourself into it. But no. The only thing is, I don't sweat as much now that I lost 30 pounds. So I feel like, yeah, majorly helpful.

[Allison Rosen]

Laundry goes down, it's all easy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, Allison, jump into the jump. Are we gonna play the news intro?

[Bald Bryan]

I love jingles.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the News with Alison Rosen.

[Bald Bryan]

Sponsored by Legal Zoom. Safeguard your assets and protect your family.

[Adam Carolla]

While starting your business outright.

[Bald Bryan]

Enter Adam for more [e-mail] legal zoom. Good people.

[Todd Glass]

I'm gonna use them to sue all your asses. What?

[Allison Rosen]

For what?

[Bald Bryan]

You don't get a discount, by the way, if you're gonna sue, I gotta.

[Todd Glass]

Figure out what I'm gonna sue for. But I'm looking for something.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Good luck.

[Todd Glass]

So Casey Anthony was sentenced on Thursday to four years in jail for lying to investigators. But she will be released on Wednesday because of time served. So just to put.

[Allison Rosen]

She's gonna do three days.

[Todd Glass]

Six days.

[Allison Rosen]

Six days.

[Todd Glass]

So to put this in perspective, that is approximately about the same as some women's menstrual cycles. That's how short that is. Although it feels like long, it's. It feels like a long time.

[Allison Rosen]

Feels like a lot longer.

[Bald Bryan]

I will make this. You can click clock. 30 seconds. Okay, first of all, I never like to say anything sexist. I believe guys have their equivalent to menstrual cycles. I'm sure they get moody. So it works for both. But I took a Trip. I don't want to mention who. One of the guys, one of his girlfriend would get moody. And I always thought, like I wanted to say every day, hey, listen, you have a right to be moody. I've been moody. But then they think, that sounds nice, like, thank you. But you stay behind. You say, hey, you know what, everybody? I'm going to funky and then hang.

[Todd Glass]

Out in the menstrual hut.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I'm going to stay home. You know what? I feel like it's like they want to go, no, I want to be moody and around people. You don't get to fucking do that. You're on a trip with people and you're moody. You go, go, go, go. I'll get out of my mood. You don't go bring everybody down. Okay, I'm sorry.

[Todd Glass]

What kind of moody was it? Was it like hostile, snippy moody, or was it just morose, forlorn, moody?

[Bald Bryan]

Everything?

[Todd Glass]

Oh, the whole.

[Bald Bryan]

The whole.

[Allison Rosen]

It was like a rain bird on the lawn, just back and forth getting that everything.

[Todd Glass]

And Casey Anthony also has to pay $4,000, which is $1,000 for each of the four counts of lying to the authorities.

[Allison Rosen]

Any idea if that was the maximum sentence? You know what I mean? If the judge is trying to do like a. Like an umpire does in baseball, like a makeup call, like, we got that one wrong, but you're going to pay for this one.

[Todd Glass]

I don't actually know the answer. I suspect that is not the maximum sentence.

[Bald Bryan]

Is there any chance that the jury, like, if we were on the jury, they'd go, all right, it's, you know, that she didn't do it.

[Allison Rosen]

I will only stick up for the jury in this one sense, that maybe the prosecution was so incompetent they didn't make a good enough case. But in my heart, you know, I have to believe that the obviously of the evidence just seems so circumstantial, and so the circumstantial evidence seems so obvious. You know what I'm saying? I'd be hard pressed to not believe that.

[Todd Glass]

I got. Someone tweeted me a somewhat rude tweet, which was, you believe she did it, but you couldn't convict her. You are part of the problem. Is this really the world you want to live in?

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Todd Glass]

And I wanted to say, yes, it is, actually, because I don't. I mean, I don't know. I'm not. I wasn't on that jury.

[Allison Rosen]

We know top level stuff.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

I feel like until we. Unless we were on that jury, we don't really know how we would have acted in that situation.

[Bald Bryan]

I say the same thing you're saying, and this comes from somebody. The day before, I would watch and go, she's guilty. But then I just thought, it's too. I had to thought, well, let me look at it from a different angle, because I know what it's like to be. You know, I can imagine the jury.

[Todd Glass]

Going errors on the wrong side.

[Allison Rosen]

Like in the OJ Trial, everyone comes down on the jurors, but the bottom line is the prosecution made such a horrible case that they almost had to let it go.

[Bald Bryan]

You know what I would have done there? Maybe you'd say, well, why wouldn't you have done the same thing here? I thought about that. If there was a speck of a doubt that OJ didn't do the murder, there wasn't a doubt that he. And I know it's not what he was up on trial for, but I just have to deal with myself internally. So if I was in that jury, I know he hit his wife.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

I know he beat his wife, and I know he wasn't gonna get help. Because you're right, someone that beat their wife but is seriously getting help doesn't deserve to spend the rest of their life in jail.

[Allison Rosen]

Especially someone's asking for it.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. But someone that beats their wife, that isn't getting help. Yeah. I'd go, I think he murdered her. But on the spec that he didn't, he's rotting in jail for beating women. And I would have said guilty.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Fine with that.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. And I think they should remind those jurors when they come out. I hope I say that word right. It's. I really do. My brother said this kiddingly, but I think he had a good point. They need to remind them. Member. It's reasonable doubt.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

It's not just doubt.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes, everybody has doubt.

[Allison Rosen]

Vincent Bugliosi, the prosecutor in the Charles Manson case, wrote a book about the O.J. trial called Outrage. And in the intro, he made the case of, listen, we're out of control now. People think that any doubt is reason to let someone go. No, it's a reasonable doubt. You reasonably think there's a reason that he didn't do this, by all means, don't convict. But if there's a little shred, tiny speck of doubt, you can overlook that. Like, if they. If there's a remote possibility, you don't take that into account.

[Todd Glass]

But. Yes, but with OJ We. There was a lot of evidence, and we all sort of had a timeline of what happened. The thing that was missing in this case was, you know, evident, like, real strong evidence tying her to the murder, even. Even though, like, yes, I think she did it too. And also a narrative of how or what happened. I mean, there's a lot of holes in it. Like, how did. What happened? You know, so.

[Allison Rosen]

So what did you do with the shitty tweet? Did you reply to it?

[Todd Glass]

I didn't know. I didn't.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you block people?

[Adam Carolla]

Who.

[Allison Rosen]

Todd. Todd's on Twitter. Odd. You're at Todd Glass, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, Good question.

[Allison Rosen]

Because I get. I get shitty tweets from time to time, and I hear a lot of people, a lot of comedians. Doug Benson is a lot of this. He's like. He spends a lot of time blocking people, and a lot of people do. I talked about it on his podcast. I almost always retweet and reply to the shitty tweets because it's funny, and I feel like it's better to embrace them and make a joke out of it.

[Bald Bryan]

I go on every direction and thinking what you. I did one time I retweeted something and I thought. But then I thought, I don't want them to start tweeting things just because they want to be retweeted. And then that's how they end up.

[Todd Glass]

I don't want to give them anything, which is. I mean. And I wish. I almost wish I hadn't mentioned it here, but, yeah, I used to retweet and make a joke or I would do something, but now I just. If it's really. If it. If it freaks me out, I will block them, but I don't say anything about it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, there's a difference between creepy and, you know, whatever. Abusive or whatever.

[Bald Bryan]

I have the. I have, you know, someone that helps me with my website, like, you know, e Comic branding. And she goes on one of the girls that works there and deletes every single mean tweet every single day. She spends probably not long. It just doesn't take long. She spends maybe three hours. No, no.

[Todd Glass]

She's very fast.

[Bald Bryan]

Delete, Delete. And you know what? If it's constructive, like, when I. When I. I'm gonna do what I did for my. When I did my old podcast, but now I'm starting a new podcast, which. We'll know the date soon. I don't want to give it. I'm nervous to say, because then if we don't start it on that date, I feel.

[Allison Rosen]

But you'll tweet it out when the.

[Bald Bryan]

Time comes, yes, yes, I will. But I used to, I say I only want to be forwarded constructive concerts, criticism. If somebody genuinely. And not one of those fake ones where they go, I love your show, but. And then you're like, no, you don't love the show. Yeah, if it's, if it's really. They like the show. But yes, that I want forwarded. But anything negative, I never want to hear it ever. I already do stand up where I got to look at the people that don't like me. I don't need to have a venue where it's my choice not to hear the negativity and I go search it out, right, and find it. So if people are thin, it's not a rule that if someone said they didn't, I'd go, no, no, you should do it my way. If you're thick skinned enough, and I know certain people are to read the negative, I think there could be something fun in that. But I'm not. I get so hurt and so upset, especially when I'm not saying anything politically right. If I say something political and they attack when it's just something like, oh my God, you hope I die because of my Kimmel Said, right? Are you shitting me? And I don't care if it's a 13 year old or whatever, I get it. I'm a big enough person to, yes, eventually get to where I need to be to go, oh, look, that person has a problem. But then there's the other part of you, and that part exists too, and that gets you hurt a little bit.

[Allison Rosen]

And they have an equal voice in the Twitter world, you know, so this guy is the same as at that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

But the thing is, again, where they don't, where they don't have to get the best of you, you know, you don't. The mean tweets don't read them anymore. Every single one of them is erased. Once in a while, one gets through. But the same thing, you know, with the emails. When I start my podcast, I'll just have somebody sift through them and I will never, ever read one. That's bad, huh?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know if you saw it or not. As long as we're on the subject of Twitter. I did tweet out yesterday to my followers.

[Bald Bryan]

I did.

[Allison Rosen]

Glad and send me your questions. I'll read the best ones on the air. We didn't get any good ones, but I'll read some on the air anyway. Do you ever get word asks, how does he feel about looking exactly like Phil Dunphy. You look a little bit like the guy in Modern Family. Do you get that?

[Bald Bryan]

I get that a little bit. I get that over the years, the major ones are Treat Williams, Treat Williams, Mel Gibson, late, but after, he looked bad, so that's not good. And then, yeah, those are ones that I get a lot, which I. I always hate who I look like. I'm always like. It made me do a joke in my act about that when people go, you look like my friend Bill. Then you meet Bill, you're like, jesus Christ.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a hard thing, too, when you're, like, trying to convince someone they look like a better looking version of. But the person that you're saying is like, our old producer Angie looked like a much better looking version of Barbra Streisand.

[Adam Carolla]

But when you.

[Allison Rosen]

All she heard was Alice had that reaction. All you hear is, I look like Barbra Streisand. Like, no, you look like a pretty version of.

[Bald Bryan]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

If Barbara Streisand was really pretty, you'd be her.

[Bald Bryan]

And she didn't hear that.

[Allison Rosen]

She didn't hear that. She heard Barbara Streisand.

[Bald Bryan]

I think she was right for just hearing Barbra Streisand. I think we need to stop telling people, you know, you're like a nice Hitler. Well, why couldn't you say Mother Teresa? You know, Mother Teresa.

[Allison Rosen]

You're industrious. You're motivating.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, wait, I look like that guy a little bit. Well, I'll take that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I thought.

[Bald Bryan]

I thought you were thinking, I like the guy on the computer. He doesn't waste any time.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Ty Burell, that's the dad from Modern Family.

[Bald Bryan]

All right with that.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a good looking dude, I guess.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. He's got good hair.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he is.

[Todd Glass]

He is a good looking dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Good hair.

[Bald Bryan]

I love thick hair.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry to disappoint you. All right, go. Go next door.

[Todd Glass]

But your hair seems thick and luxurious.

[Bald Bryan]

I try.

[Todd Glass]

We're doing a good job.

[Bald Bryan]

Thank you.

[Todd Glass]

So four states are going to be drafting Kaylee's law, which will tighten up the rules about reporting a missing child. They'll make it a felony for a parent or guardian not to notify authorities within 24 hours of a child's death. And these are lawmakers in Florida, Oklahoma, New York and West Virginia will be doing this.

[Allison Rosen]

Are there laws like that on the books in other states? Do you know? Like, I mean, it seems odd that those four states only would be enacting this, but maybe they're just catching up to the Other states who already have laws like this on the books, I'm assuming.

[Bald Bryan]

And by the way, can I. Let me.

[Todd Glass]

I wish I had.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not saying sorry to ask follow up questions.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm not saying everything was. I'm not saying that there aren't some things that happen today that are worse than 30 or 40 years ago. But I have a big thing. I don't think a lot was, like, people go, what's going on with our world today? Like, most things I have an answer for, you know, like, they'll be like, kids are missing kids. What happened was years ago, we didn't have. We didn't hear about it.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

You know, it's like saying, well, back then kids didn't get molested in the churches. Yeah. Oh, really? Is that what happened or did we start talking about it like people used to go back then, used to be able to ride your bikes all around the neighborhood. I don't know, there might be someone out there going, I'm completely wrong. But my theory is, you know, kids did ride their bikes around the neighborhood before things did happen to them, but you just didn't. Because of the social media. You didn't. It didn't get around so quickly. Which, by the way, somewhat. That's a good thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it could be. There weren't billboards that literally could be updated. Amber alert saying there's a brown car driving on the road. You didn't hear about it instantly?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, drunk driving back then, you know that, that was the good old days. Yeah, that was. I like when people say that, like sarcastically, everything's funny. But I've heard people go back in the day used to be able to drink and drive or. I heard, I heard a comedian once making fun of mothers and against drunk drivers. And I really thought, tough sell. I went, really? That's who you're making. And I don't care who you make fun of. There's nothing out that's, you know, not up for making fun of. But like, mothers against your driving, that's who you're gonna get.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a tough.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, those mothers against drunk driving, they're gonna get theirs. Yeah, they need it. They have been thinking. They are. They're so great.

[Todd Glass]

They get a free ride far too long.

[Allison Rosen]

No pun intended.

[Todd Glass]

I know. You know, Brian, I don't think other states have this as law. I don't think. I think right now, if you don't report a missing child, I don't think it is.

[Bald Bryan]

I saw it.

[Todd Glass]

So. So who knows? Florida could be Ahead of the other states. God.

[Allison Rosen]

Could ask you a comedian question? Yes, I'm interested because you were in the movie Heckler, which I liked also. How do you deal very well with Heckler? As I've seen YouTube clips, I've changed.

[Todd Glass]

Wait, that's Jamie Kennedy's movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

So I love that movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Half of it was great. It sort of delved into a lot of, like, you know, exploration of criticism in general in our society. It got a little off topic. But the stuff about hecklers I thought was really, really interesting. How. How is the best way you've seen yourself or others to deal with a heckler?

[Bald Bryan]

I love that question. Because in the last year, I think I've totally changed what I do.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

And what I do. I used to do it where I would start yelling, and first the crowd's on your side. They're like, shut the. You can go whatever you want, shut. But then when this rage comes out and, you know, the audience, some of them, or at least the masses, and that's important. The masses, Even if there's 30% that are going, keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

She deserves it.

[Bald Bryan]

He deserves it. The 70% is. Or whatever it is. And eventually they would go, oh, she doesn't deserve it that much.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

So what I would do is. First thing I do is I decided, instead of handing it comedically, to really handle it seriously. And there's two steps. The first step, I go, can I say something? I'm going to be totally serious to that table over there. That person. My dream would be that you guys enjoy the show, but quiet down and stop talking. But don't quiet down and stop talking and then be in a bad mood. I know that feeling. You know, you get reprimanded even though you're wrong. I get it. I'm trying to yell at you, but be with you a little. And I go, but my dream would be that you completely stop talking. But you still have a good time tonight. I really do. I want you to have a good time. Can that happen? Then? If that doesn't happen a minute later, I will. I will just, you know, say, okay, you know what, folks? You deserve a better show.

[Allison Rosen]

This.

[Bald Bryan]

And I don't orchestrate the. I've only done this once. I don't orchestrate. As they're leaving, I used to stay on stage and go, can we get rid of that group? And then try to keep it calm. People yell out mean things. And I would go, no, no, no, no. Let them leave. We don't have to go to their level now. I just go, real nice. Smile. Hey, folks, I'm not even being cheesy at all. You deserve a better show than this. I know that sounds a little bit. You know, I'm just saying it, but I really do. You. You have your. You. You spent your hard earned money for a show. It's not my right to plow through it because I have another show. And, you know, at 10 o'clock, I'm going to take a quick break. The club's going to deal with that, and I'll be right back. We're going to have such a good time tonight, it's worth taking two minutes. I'll be back in two minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

And you know what happens the rest of the week? The clubs watch the hecklers.

[Allison Rosen]

Nice.

[Bald Bryan]

Because it's. Because now they realize it's either shut people up or I'm walking off the stage. And I'm not walking off the stage cursing. I'm not walking off the stage, going into the manager's office mad. I'm just like, hey, I'm making it. Like, how can they get mad at you for that? They go, no, no, no. You just perform through that. They would. They're almost embarrassed. They're not. I'm just, you know, so you just. And then they, they do. They go in there and they deal with it and then you go back up on stage.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, at the end of the day, I guess the audiences are customers, you know, I mean, you want the customer to enjoy their experience or product or whatever you want to call it, you know, I mean, you want them to have a good time.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Whatever it is, whatever that is to them.

[Bald Bryan]

But I think that's worked. And one other quick thing, and I know we're going long here.

[Allison Rosen]

That's our. No, man, We. It's a podcast.

[Bald Bryan]

Is. I used to. Just when I had to make the audience dislike that person as much as me. And one of the ways I do it, it sounds manipulative, but I do believe it from my heart, is I would go, folks, let me tell you something. I'm gonna yell at this person. That's when I'm in the mood to yell at them. And I want the crowd on my side. When I don't want to do the plan I just talked about, I go, I'm gonna tell you who that person is. Because if I yell at them right away, you're gonna, you're gonna go through stages, you're gonna be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And then at one point, you're gonna be like, oh, that's too much. But let me tell you, that person is. I'm not. I don't think that's a good, decent person that came in to just give me a hard time. I would imagine that's just who they are.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

And so if you're a waitress, that person made you cry. If you're a carpenter, they probably like the shelves you build, but to save money. Told you they didn't. Whatever you do, they're the heartache of what you do. So then that whole audience, you see, becomes like, this person represents.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah, that guy cut me off last week.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

And then I go, so with. With every person in here, ma'am. And for every waiter or waitress that could never tell you what I'm about to tell you, or someone that had to swallow their pride because you're not a good, caring person, I go. And then I just go off. And that's what's on the YouTube.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that was a great clip.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. You know, I never. I think I. Eventually, yes, I did erupt and say, get out of here, you whore. But I never said, you're, you know, made fun of a weight or said, I really tried to keep it all about what it was until I realized, oh, you know what I felt like with that woman when I was in control? If you go on YouTube, it's called Heckler and Davis.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Even when I was in control and she saw it, it's like, if someone has a gun and they're holding it to you and then you get the gun and they're still cursing at you, you don't want to shoot them. You just think by the time you get the gun, they're gonna shut up because you got a gun and they're going, go fuck yourself. You gotta fucking shoot a bullet in their toe.

[Allison Rosen]

Yep.

[Bald Bryan]

And that's how I felt with that woman, because everything was in my power and I was in the position. I was telling the audience, no, we're not gonna yell at her. I'm gonna take control and be a class act here. And then she's still being an asshole. And that's when I went, get out of here, you whore.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the great. That was your closer, by the way. The great moment. The great part of that. Well, you know, we'll post a link on the website because it's sort of a longer clip. But the best part about that is that she didn't know who you were when you first went up to her and told her, please keep it down. We're trying to watch the show. She didn't know you were the headliner.

[Bald Bryan]

Which is. Which, by the way, is fine, because at the point where I'm at in my career, it's not like I, you.

[Allison Rosen]

Know, it's great because I saw how she treats people.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

Shout out. You saw how she treats people she thought were beneath her?

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. She gave. Let me tell you something.

[Allison Rosen]

When you give someone a cover experiment, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

So you're saying when you give someone.

[Bald Bryan]

When you give someone the finger that can return it. That's still a classic way to deal with it, but at least the person returned it. Every time I say this, it gets me. Might want to bite my. When you give someone the finger that can't return it, you're a horrible, mean, disgusting, ugly person. That woman gave a waiter or a manager at a club who. All that manager did was say, and I know it for. I know. I'm not making this up. I said, could you please keep it down? Yeah, that's it. Then my tone was the same. I'm not making my tone nicer. And she said, who are you? I said, I'm just asking you to be quiet. She gives me the finger to someone that can't return it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yep.

[Bald Bryan]

You know what? I'd like to rip that finger off your hand from the cartilage and just watch the. That's what you deserve. It's back.

[Allison Rosen]

Tell the glasses back.

[Bald Bryan]

That woman, by the way, is in a town. And when I thought. When I had my podcast, well, I said this that night. If you watch it, I'm just going to repeat what I said that night. If she wrote me an email that said I thought about what I did and that wasn't a kind thing to do in hindsight. Even if she said I wasn't crazy about the way you. You handled it. But I had the mirror. I had to look at my behavior before. Whatever it was, it wasn't a kind thing to do. And I would have her on the podcast if she was comfortable or not. And I would take that video down. Wow. That's all she'd have to do if she just said to me it wasn't. But, you know, she lives in a little town and she knows that video's up.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And I love it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's. It's a great video. We'll put it on the website AdamCurollo.com and check it out, because it is a. It is a master class on how to deal with. With a heckler.

[Bald Bryan]

And now back.

[Allison Rosen]

And now back to the news.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, okay.

[Allison Rosen]

That was the longest wrapped up that.

[Bald Bryan]

Was the longest news. But, you know, I know you were you where you chime in, but that was a three hour chime in.

[Todd Glass]

All right. This is pretty breaking news.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Todd Glass]

Story in the New York Times style section about how watches are coming back for men. And I am looking at both of your naked wrists and I discussed it.

[Bald Bryan]

I want to run out to my car and show you. I just bought the biggest watch in the world.

[Todd Glass]

How big is it? It's like Flavor Flaze.

[Bald Bryan]

No, no, no. But it's like that. And it's just a clean watch with just numbers. It looks like that, but it's a watch.

[Allison Rosen]

I was thinking Egyptian sundial. That's pretty. It's pretty big.

[Todd Glass]

What kind of band is it?

[Bald Bryan]

It's just a leather band.

[Todd Glass]

It's interesting. Usually when you see a watch that big, it's got some bling on it.

[Bald Bryan]

No, just real clean. I saw somebody wear it and I'm like, I gotta get that watch.

[Allison Rosen]

So what are they? What are they attributing? The comeback.

[Todd Glass]

Here's a quote from Michael Williams, who runs a continuous lean, which is a men's style.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, Michael.

[Todd Glass]

The menswear set has recently rediscovered the joy of proper mechanical timepieces. Right now, there is no clearer indication of cool than wearing a watch. If it was your grandfather's bubble back Rolex, even better. And listen to this. In 2006, the Sacramento Bee wrote, the wristwatch quote may be going the way of the abacus, but they feel pretty embarrassed now.

[Allison Rosen]

The second best wedding. You know, people give you groomsmen gifts for being in their wedding. The second best groomsman gift I ever saw was someone gave me. Yeah, the pocket watch. The pocket watch of the chain.

[Bald Bryan]

Have you used it ever?

[Allison Rosen]

No, but it's awesome. I keep forgetting to use it. But it is cool gift.

[Bald Bryan]

You pull it out, certainly. If you can hand. If you can. What do you call it? You can pull it off. Pull it off. Pull it off? Yeah, if you pull it off. Pretty cool.

[Allison Rosen]

Because every once in a while you got to make that movie. Like, what time is it? Like, oh, see, real quick. Yeah, it's cool.

[Todd Glass]

I'm trying to think if I would actually think that's cool. It is effective.

[Bald Bryan]

Let me. Let me say this. I bet out of 100% of people that will pull it off, only 25% could get away with it. Where you'd be like, I believe Greg Proops could do it and I'd be fine with it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah. Yes. You have to be that Paul F. Tompkins could do it.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, Paul F. Tompkins could do it. I think it was his grandfather's Paul F. Tompkins.

[Todd Glass]

Now, I am not currently this article didn't deal with women and their watches, but I'm gonna chime in anyway. I am not wearing my watch now. However, my battery stopped a couple days ago and I did continue wearing the watch for a little while though, because I didn't want to have that, like, oh, I forgot to wear my watch choice. But yeah, well, no, it's not even that. It's just that I'm used to wearing it always. And the reason I wear it is because I feel like it's very conspicuous to glance at your phone to see the time. Whereas I like to think that I can sort of inconspicuously look at my watch, but I don't think I can because I've been busted for that. And when I'm looking at my watch, it is not because I'm bored and want to leave. It's because I just want to know what time it is. But that's not socially acceptable. And I don't think that's.

[Allison Rosen]

Look at the watch.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Allison Rosen]

It's semiotics. It says there's a sign that says things as I'm bored. It says, I'm out of here.

[Todd Glass]

Couldn't it. I'm having such a great time, I.

[Allison Rosen]

Don'T want to end.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I think you're right.

[Todd Glass]

I busted my watch battery so this night would never have to end.

[Bald Bryan]

Thank you. One time when I got a massage, I put the. My. I wanted to wear my watch because sometimes I can't enjoy a massage when I'm in the last 30, like the last 10 minutes I'm in.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, you gotta emotionally prepare.

[Bald Bryan]

So when I. So what I want, if I look down at my watch and I have like, sometimes you forget, you fall asleep for three minutes. I look down, I have 40 minutes left. I'm like, oh, yeah, got 40 minutes left.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Todd Glass]

And by the way, look at my watch.

[Bald Bryan]

Speaking of time, it's time for Subaru to finally call me. Subaru. I'm still waiting. You know how to get in touch with me.

[Allison Rosen]

I heard the story.

[Todd Glass]

I don't. I don't know.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm not funny.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm going to tell it in Paul Tompkins. Paul F. Tompkins told me what to do. He was. How do I say it? Spiritually or health wise? Right. Let it go. I know he was right. But you know what? I can't Let it go.

[Allison Rosen]

A Subaru was promised to your mother.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

By the people at Subaru.

[Bald Bryan]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

And it never materialized for one reason or another.

[Bald Bryan]

Never materialized. And I'll give you the quick story. I always say that on the radio show, we said, they're going to do it. It was Mother's Day. And I checked with them. I said, her credit's bad. I didn't want to go on the air and say, oh, my God, guess what Subaru is doing? Because I thought, hey, the guy has a right to. After the show, go. To tell you the truth, I thought about it. That's a major, major key part of the story. Then again, I did it. I said, are you sure my mom has bad credit? He goes, well, it doesn't really matter. We're giving her a lease for a year. Not, you know, she doesn't have credit that says I ripped anybody off. She has bad credit, you know. You know, not. We can't trust. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Things that happen.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. So on the air, I said, oh, my God. My mom got excited, she went down, she looked at Subarus. They said, can you come back again? That one's not available. When again, I wanted to show them how serious I was that if you're giving her a Subaru lease, I wanted it to go on for more than a year. So I was ready, ready to return. Every time I did something mention them, I was going to send Subaru. But Subaru, yeah, on that day, basically, that was Subaru mentioned. Crazy. And then I mentioned it on four radio stations. And then when I did the Louis CK Show, I'm on the cell phone and I went, yeah, I love Subaru. Louie knew what I was doing. He left it in. So you could almost say that Subaru got paid. And by the way, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this. I still love Subaru. I think it's a great car, but I think someone within the company did something wrong, and I want them. No. By the way, after it all happened, no flowers to my mom saying, hey, sorry, or, you know, anything to do. Flowers or a spa day to go. Look, that wasn't a nice thing to do. Nothing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And you know what I'm gonna mention? I. I think I'm being pretty kind in my criticism, saying that I still love their car, but I'm gonna never stop until someone at Subaru calls me and, you know, let's see if they care.

[Allison Rosen]

The door's open for reparations. Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Absolutely no one.

[Bald Bryan]

I mentioned it. I've never called Them. Because it's the type of thing that if I call them, it's we. I want them to hear it every. I will mention it on radio. I'm going to mention it on Jimmy Kimmel. I'm going to mention it on Letterman. Every show I do, I'm going to mention, you know, and then not always as long as this, but I'll do it. I'll wear a shirt that says Subaru. I'm waiting for you to call me. So Subaru. Someone out there has to go. Yeah, we should call this guy. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

This guy's talking a lot about us. We're names in the news a lot.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, Subaru. Give me a call. You know how to get in touch.

[Allison Rosen]

With me and Allison.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, Subaru.

[Bald Bryan]

And by the way, my criteria to. To make it right is that the guy who made the mistake. I don't want him fired. I don't want him. I don't want a Subaru for my mom, for. At least if that guy's gonna. I don't think he was a bad person. I think he did a dumb thing.

[Todd Glass]

But the mistake, or what happened is that he promised a Subaru to your mom and then just. It never materialized.

[Bald Bryan]

What happened was they ran her credit. They said it was bad. I said, well, you had warned. I said, well, how about you give it to me because then I won't have a car payment. I'll get my mom a car. Like, I was like, we can't do it. And it was never. Nothing made sense. You know, when it's you on the phone with someone, you need a third party. That's what I wanted, because I want to. I go. I said to the guy, matt, I go, let's sit down. I go, this is crazy, Matt, but I want to sit down with a third party. You're making me go batty. I consider myself a fair person. A third person would sit down and go. My perception. Third person would look at Matt and go, and if I'm wrong, I'm all right with being wrong. As I get older, I like things to be right. I don't care if that means me being wrong. Wrong. If the third person said no, Todd, here's why. But I think they'd go, matt, it. No isn't the answer. It's not an option. You were given what you were promised. You've got to make this happen.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You know, the equation has to balance on both sides.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Like, it's not. It's too late. I already mentioned them on Louis cko. They already it's like, you know, on Mother's Day on the radio, you know, we talked about it enough. I'm done.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. What's done is done.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, but. But I'm gonna keep going, though. But it's like you're. Do you feel like you're throwing good plugs after bad is the only thing I'm wondering. Because I know, like, you're. Like, I'm half in.

[Bald Bryan]

You know, you're right. That's a really good point. And I thought about that. If I said Subaru is a shitty car or whatever, I don't, like, get that drive. You know what? If the fact that they just did a good company with a good car did a very unfair thing to my mom isn't enough for them to want to make it right, then I do think then I will go the next notch. But I think there's a lot of people that are employed for me just to say, yeah, you're right. If they don't ever respond to me, I'm going to give it a deadline. Then I would say, hey, if this is how they're treating me, I don't know how they're going to treat you, but I'm giving them the opportunity to make this right.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Bald Bryan]

I think I'm being extremely fair.

[Todd Glass]

I just meant you're giving your. You're continuing to give them free publicity.

[Bald Bryan]

Free publicity that they were really cruel to my mother.

[Allison Rosen]

I think you're doing the right thing. They're giving a fairly even handed account of the affairs. You know, I'm saying Adam gets a lot of mileage, rightfully so, out of not exaggerating. You know what I mean? Like, Adam's known to not exaggerate, and so when he says something, people take him at face value. I think you're doing. I think you're doing right.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm trying. Yeah. I am trying.

[Todd Glass]

All right, Allison, I say we wrap news.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Even though there's a lot of news, but there's always time for news.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what? Let's skip that sports game and save it sometime for when Carolla's here.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[Todd Glass]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Because he'll get more, you know, he's a sports guy, and he'll have a lot of laughter over what you don't know.

[Todd Glass]

That'll give me time to brush up on all of my sports knowledge then.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It's a very deadly simple quiz, but we'll do it some other time. Let's call it tease. Check back and read the I feel teased. See? Effective.

[Todd Glass]

I would like to know what was in that quiz?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. You can wrap the news if you want.

[Todd Glass]

All right. That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt. People would want to know.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Alison Rosen, sponsored by LegalZoom.

[Allison Rosen]

That's her sign off.

[Adam Carolla]

Todd.

[Allison Rosen]

I love.

[Bald Bryan]

I love it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Thank you. You can say this for sure. You're the only one saying that.

[Allison Rosen]

We know it.

[Bald Bryan]

Where'd that come from?

[Todd Glass]

Oh, I. I mentioned on the show that I was looking for a good outline, and then Adam was like, how about zip it, cunt? You know, and then we just kept talking, and so then I just used it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a zip. It's a de facto catchphrase now.

[Bald Bryan]

And the fact that that jingle comes right in, it's all boom, bang. Yeah, let me try. Can I try? You get that jingle ready?

[Allison Rosen]

There we go.

[Bald Bryan]

You ready?

[Allison Rosen]

Up. Cue it up.

[Bald Bryan]

This is Todd Glass, and that's the news. Zip it, cunt.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, what happened to the jingle?

[Todd Glass]

It only works for me. It's voice coded.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe they assumed that I was actually telling them to zip it.

[Bald Bryan]

You know what?

[Allison Rosen]

Produce any sound, right?

[Bald Bryan]

I'm Todd Glass. This is the news. Zip it, cunt.

[Allison Rosen]

That was the news with Alice.

[Bald Bryan]

Wouldn't that be cool if they already had my name worked in. That's what took him the second. And then we'd feel horrible.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel awesome. I would issue an apology off the air.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

We have live podcasts coming up with all three of us. Alison, me, and. Who's the third guy? Corolla, Adam Carolla. The Irvine Improv this Sunday, Universal City Walk next Thursday, as we do almost every Thursday with Bryan Cranston from Breaking Bad, who's a big, big star. And of course, the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs, July 21st. It's gonna be hot as shit. Let's hope is an indoor show. And Todd Oddglass on Twitter, you've got, of course, the big one hour special taping at the El Rey, August 6th.

[Bald Bryan]

The Elray 6 is my main goal to get people. We have two shots.

[Allison Rosen]

You want to pack it with, like, people who love, you know, love you and love good comedy. If you can find people love both, that. That's your sweet spot.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, that would be nice.

[Todd Glass]

It's really right in the center, the rare creature.

[Bald Bryan]

We're not doing any. We're not doing any, you know, services that put people in the seats.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Bald Bryan]

I said, I just want to have people that are coming out because they either know me or just love comedy. So the. The El Rey Theater it's an awesome theater. It's got a big feel.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, that is good.

[Bald Bryan]

But it's not too big. And it's August 6th. The tickets are on sale now, so go hustle over.

[Allison Rosen]

That's on Wilshire, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. Yeah. Good. Good club.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm excited. I'm already planning the after party. My manager goes, why don't you work on your set?

[Allison Rosen]

And once you work on your podcast, Todd.

[Bald Bryan]

I know the podcast. It's.

[Allison Rosen]

It sounds wild.

[Bald Bryan]

I didn't go with the people go, what about the Todd cast? And I went, nah, I thought about it. I just went with the Todd Glass show. I just figured, Todd Glass show.

[Allison Rosen]

Plus, that way, when, you know, the show gets big and huge and awesome and TV show wants to come, pick it up.

[Bald Bryan]

That's what my manager said.

[Allison Rosen]

Slide right in.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. So. But I am that podcast. I have never been as excited about something as when I started Stand up because it's like, it's the. It's the purest thing you could do. Pretty much, you know, when you do stand up, it's. You have some. Some club might say this, but overall, you can't stand up as an amazingly pure thing. And I feel like this is even more pure than that.

[Allison Rosen]

I have this conversation with mutual friend Mike Carano, who. And I've had this conversation with lots of people. Not to get too philosophical about it, but podcasting is the best thing to happen to comedians since maybe the comedy club boom of, like, the 90s or the 80s or whatever it was. You know, I'm saying, like, just the form that you can get out there, say what you want in not an allotted slot of time. Promote yourself, promote your projects, have other friends on collaborate.

[Bald Bryan]

It's so. It's so enjoy. I miss it, and I'm so excited to do it. I'm nervous, but I'm excited.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you're gonna be great. Are you kidding me?

[Bald Bryan]

So, yeah, I'm very excited to start it. I said, like, a month ago, I teased it. Now I know it's about to happen. I would say, like, you know, with the special, the latest it will be. Would be the second week in August, but I'm hoping to get one going this month. But the second week in August would be the absolute latest.

[Allison Rosen]

You're thinking weekly. You thinking every two weeks. Every week, every week.

[Bald Bryan]

And when I do it, you know, some people were like, the time. I don't feel. How long is your. How long does Adam usually do his podcast?

[Allison Rosen]

Probably goes about 90 minutes. I do the film Vault on the network, which goes about 60 minutes. So, you know, there's no. I was listening Jimmy Pardo's podcast with you, and it was like 30 minutes. And there's no. It can be as long as it needs to be.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, Everyone does, I guess, what fulfills them. So I'm not saying, oh, here's how long they should be, because I know some people that do 30 minutes, some people do an hour. But for me, I don't even get my. I at least need to do 90 minutes where I feel fulfilled. Like, you know, when you do 30 or 40 or 50. For me, it's just. Just as I'm hitting 50, I'm like, yeah. So I love to do an hour and a half and two. And some people say, well, two hours is too long. I said, well, I'm looking for the people. People think I'm gonna say, no, no one thinks two hours is too long. I am sure that there are people that think when we do two and a half hour podcasts, they're too long. But I'm looking for the people that go, you know what I listen to? It's. First of all, it's one a week.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

So a lot of people go, yeah, you know what I listen to on the way to work?

[Allison Rosen]

Stop and start.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, No, I know some other people will say, yeah, but I don't want to stop it. Well, that's. That's not gonna be the podcast for you then.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. Are you thinking. What are you thinking? Just in terms of format, Having people on, guests, doing some. Maybe some skits and bits.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Bald Bryan]

You know, I just want to be able to do, like, if. If I'm somewhere and I see someone that can sing, have a. Have a band on or have someone that sings on or have comedians on, just doing, like, sketch, you know, I love doing sketch on the radio because you can just use the sound effects. You don't have to. You know, it's so cheap to do really cool sketch.

[Allison Rosen]

Tell me about it.

[Bald Bryan]

And so just sort of like, you know, just whatever, whatever, whatever I feel like doing, turn on.

[Allison Rosen]

Good luck to you, pal. I'm excited for it. I'm gonna listen to it, and I have no doubt it's gonna be awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Check out.

[Allison Rosen]

You'll tweet about it. Oddglass. So follow him if you want the updates and when it's gonna come out. Follow Allison. She's AlisonRosen. Follow me. I'm albrian. Check out brianbishop.com, allisonrosen.com toddglass.com Check out my app. And while you're at it, new film vault out today. Past episodes have Teresa Strasser, Larry Miller, your buddy, and Andy Dick. There's a lot of good episodes out there. Check it out.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, and I'm gonna be on the parent experiment tomorrow. I'm not sure when that goes up.

[Allison Rosen]

But checking about parenting, I'm gonna pop.

[Todd Glass]

Out a kid between now and tomorrow.

[Allison Rosen]

No shit.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Congratulate. Belated.

[Todd Glass]

You gotta get working on that.

[Allison Rosen]

Literally.

[Bald Bryan]

And by the way, if Subaru calls me, I will show a picture of my mom standing in front of it on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. So once they call me me. Picture on Jimmy Kimmel, my mom smiling by her Subaru.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a network advertising.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. And then when they call me, I also obviously call you guys and say, guess what? You should tell your. Your. Your Adam Kroll audience that Subaru called me.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, cool. So that will happen, hopefully. And we will mention that if it.

[Todd Glass]

Does happen and the parent experiment goes up Monday, I just found out. That's the thing. After I unzip it. Cunt.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think you're gonna do better than that. I never feel comfortable saying mahalo, so I won't do that. That's Adam's line. I'll just say, until next time. So long, suckers.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, bye.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's Adam Cole Show 605. Coming next, we have Adam Carlos Show 643, featuring Larry Miller, Alison Rosen, Brian Bishop. This was from 2011, and it's a hoot. Check it.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, bald Brian.

[Larry Miller]

The good news is you're fired.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Todd Glass]

Hello, Adam. Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

How's that tan?

[Adam Carolla]

I was asked to do a reality show. I won't. I won't tell you too much more about it, but I'll keep you filled in.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, there's only. I don't want to step on any announcements, but there's only so many that involve celebrities that you're eligible for. I don't think you're going to do Celebrity. You're probably not gonna do Sober House.

[Todd Glass]

You're probably not gonna do Bachelor Pad 3, which is a bummer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, humanity.

[Allison Rosen]

Besides. Besides Celebrity Apprentice. And I know you're good with the people over at NBC because you did the Marriage ref, which is very funny. You don't have to say anything, but I'm sure, much like when I was on Millionaire, tried to read my face.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll keep you posted.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking Iron Chef.

[Adam Carolla]

Aha. Oh, God damn it. Amazon. Keep supporting the show through Amazon. You want to help the show, you want to do what you can for the show. Amazon. This has been quite a windfall for us. We love you. If you're going back to school, you're buying supplies or anything you need to buy off of Amazon, you just click through our site, use the Amazon link on our website, and pow. Beak wet. Problem solved.

[Allison Rosen]

Ace of cakes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, cake boss. Love the Amazon. So again, if you gotta buy something from Amazon, stop for a minute, hop onto AdamCroll dot, hit our banner, hit the Amazon banner, and pow. No extra cost to you. We just get a little love back and we keep the pirate ship floating. God bless you. All right. It's Labor Day, so we thought we would do our worst jobs.

[Todd Glass]

Show Skating with the Stars.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a lot of bad ones. Hollywood's jobs are pretty, pretty bad too. But they pay well, so you can't really. Let's try to figure out what the criteria is for a bad job. I think pay has to be pretty bad, right? Right.

[Todd Glass]

It has to be something. Well, it'd be good if it's something where you go home smelling foul, either from your own scent or like, animal jizz.

[Adam Carolla]

When I worked at McDonald's, speaking animal jizz. When I worked at McDonald's, my cuticles would smell like onions. Because when you work that grill and you're working the onions on the thing and the burger on the thing all the time, it sort of gets in into your cuticles. And you know that end, that weird fingertip smell that seems to hold in. It's like if somebody's a smoker, they can go out and smoke a cigarette and then gargle with Listerine, but when they climb back in bed, their fingertips will have that.

[Todd Glass]

Right. It's like your nails hold onto it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. I don't know why. Like, I understand your hair and your pubes and your ass and all that kind of stuff, but fingernails seem like, like a rhinoceros horn hanging on to something. Like, it'd be like least things it would hang on to. Like, it's a thing with a hang on to smell as much as your teeth would, but yet it does. And I think it's the cuticle part. But the point is I could do that.

[Todd Glass]

That weird smell maybe like, did you get some?

[Adam Carolla]

And. Yeah, it was. Did you get some? Yeah. What'd you do? Oh, you raped Mrs. McCheese. Nice. Did not know there's a missus. Did you just. You knew about Mare. You knew about the Mare.

[Todd Glass]

Is she a well kept woman?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yes, yes, yes she is. Of course it was early 80s with different time downstairs. Point is, should have been married to sloppy Joe.

[Todd Glass]

It was the 80s, but she was 70s down there.

[Adam Carolla]

So yeah, that was a bad gig. So the worst gigs are the ones A, they don't pay well, B, they're sort of dead end. There's nowhere to go with them. Also, you have to have a boss who's kind of a douchebag. Also, it's good if time passes slowly. Like when I worked at the liquor store. If I had to hang in, time crawled along. But if I got to go on a couple deliveries, it's like boom, bang boom. Your fastest job is like UPS guy. Here's where time will pass the quickest in your job if you'd like it to. Somebody says you have 20 packages and you have six hours to deliver these 20 packages. And you get three packages in and realize you're already behind. The rest of the day you'll be actually hoping that there's more time on the clock because you're not getting to the rest of your packages fast enough versus staring at the clock going, please move. Sort of like those hot days like that. Remember like in junior high when it'd be like, it'd be one of those hot days in June and school let out like June 16th or something like that. And maybe you were done with finals or testing or whatever it is, but you still had to be there for like four more days. And the teacher was sort of checked out and everyone was just sort of checked out. You're literally, you're like a prisoner who had to serve four more days before you'd be let out. But they should have just fucking let you out early and gave you a time served. And you're just kind of sitting there in the back of the class and it's hot and you're sort of staring out the window and staring at the clock going, ugh, let's go. Like, what are we doing? We're not doing anything. I worked at a place called Hoffman Travel. Donny got me job back when there used to be travel agencies. And travel agencies are staffed with some of the biggest cunts on the planet. It's really travel agencies are all women, they're all nutty women. They're all women who aren't doing it really to make money as much as to say they have a gig and they want travel perks. They really just do it. It's one of those jobs. Travel agent is one of those Jobs where the husband is an attorney, she wants to say she's working but it's not really a job and she didn't.

[Todd Glass]

Get her teacher's license and it's really more.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, teacher is A job like that then requires work. This is. I can get the whole family to Israel and back for 79 bucks and hang around with a bunch of other yentas and I don't have to be anywhere before 10am and I get to meet Merv Griffin when he comes in and picks up his tickets, are they still hiring? And blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So I sat at this place called Hoffman Travel and I just sat at a desk that faced the wall that sadly had a huge clock on it and my desk faced the wall, a huge clock on it. There was like 35 yentas behind me all just.

[Todd Glass]

And you were 35 yentas deep?

[Adam Carolla]

They were, yes. And it was like every different strain of cunt. Like, you know, there's the North American free range cunt and. And the Jewy cunt and the spotted cunt. Yes, the eastern spotted cunt. Like there was the older chain smoking cunt and even the young attractive chick was a cunt in this particular group.

[Allison Rosen]

Cunt in training.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they had every fucking brand of cunt in this place. And I just sat there just staring at the wall, just licking envelopes and trying to fill them out. Just watching the clock making $7 an hour going, please do that.

[Todd Glass]

And it was just one clock. It wasn't clocks in all the different time zones.

[Adam Carolla]

No. I think they had them do the math. And I do. And I know it was a horrific job because every once in a while like someone would go, I'm in the mood for a coffee. And I would just pop up and go, I'm going, I'm running, I'm going, who wants a coffee? I'm going. Like just literally the walk to the 711 down the block was an awesome. Just relief from the air so thick with cuntitude you could cut it with a butter knife.

[Allison Rosen]

There's a segment of the population, a large segment, not kids, by the way, not children who have no idea what a travel agent is.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Because that is a vestige of the past.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm glad it's orbit's killed the travel agent. Glad it's gone. And then there's the job, the best. You know, I've had jobs where I was sitting on scaffolding two stories a, off the floor, off the ground doing repointing work where you take a hawk. A hawk Is just a. It's a cool. It's better sounding than it actually is. It's like somebody takes a square piece of aluminum and puts a handle in the middle of it and puts a lump of plaster or lump of mortar or whatever in it. And you use it to hold like an old time flash bulb, like an old camera where you're holding a flashbulb and you hold the hawk and you'd scrape mortar in between the bricks. It's called repointing. So picture brick wall. Okay, picture brick wall. Now picture the mortar in between the 80 year old brick walls all falling apart. Like you could take your finger and scrape it out. All right, so what we do is we come in there with a grinder and we grind it out an inch deep, which is a mess. Then you blow it out. Then I get my hawk, which has my mortar mixed up in it, and I get something called a tuck trowel, little skinny trowel. And I tuck the mortar into the old crack. Right?

[Todd Glass]

That just sounds fun.

[Adam Carolla]

It's fucking monotonous. And I'm sitting on scaveng next to another guy. And you're staring at a sea of brick wall. And you imagine all the mortar that has to go into this picture.

[Todd Glass]

This building would start crossing and then you'd fall off the side.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're just going one brick at a time, tucking this thing in.

[Allison Rosen]

Should use a drumstick.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm just sitting there pushing it into the thing. It's basically almost what a tuck trowel looks like. It just looks like a little skinny, little flat trowel. And I'm tucking it in and I'm sitting next to the guy next to me who's three feet away and he's doing his patch. And our asshole foreman Mike walks by us and goes, you know, we're just, we're just sitting there, legs dangling off the thing, no radio playing, just sitting there in the same spot for about three hours practically. He was black. Sidney Poitier. And we're all just sitting there and my foreman Mike walks by and he goes, no talking. That's what I love about construction guys. No talking. We're sitting right next to each other staring at a brick wall for hours on end with no fucking radio.

[Allison Rosen]

How does no talking improve your productivity?

[Adam Carolla]

It does. That's the beauty of it. He's an asshole. He's an asshole. As a matter of fact, I ran into his ex wife. I was out doing a show in like Pittsburgh or Milwaukee or something, and I ran into Mike's Ex. This dude was a Vietnam vet on a mine sweep in Vietnam and strung out on pain meds.

[Allison Rosen]

Sounds better than it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, mine sweep. And she pulled me aside and she was like, jesus Christ, how the hell. And I was like, how the hell did you sleep in the same bed with that dude? And she was like, how the fuck did you work for that guy? He would literally antagonize. And it's $7 an hour just sitting there, just sweating.

[Todd Glass]

How long did you work for him?

[Adam Carolla]

I worked for him for probably about a year on and off. And I worked for that company for a few years on and off. But construction is. It's just dirty. And it's like I said, if it rains one day, you don't get paid. If you roll your ankle playing hoops on the weekend and don't show up Monday, you don't get paid. People don't realize how fucking yucky it is. Like how hot and dirty it is. And you drink out of a hose and you shit in a plastic phone booth and you sit on a pile of drywall and eat your lunch and there's no shade and there's no chairs. There's not even a folding chair. You make yourself, like, when lunch comes around, you gather up a little pile of wood to sit on. That's about it. It blows ass.

[Todd Glass]

But you can catcall ladies on the street.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I never had. It's weird. I never had one of those kind of construction, you know, girders and hard hats and unions and hot chicks going, you know, Jessica Rabbit going down the street. It was always just sort of dirty, shitty, remod job.

[Todd Glass]

Did you eat baloney?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Todd Glass]

That's what you have to eat.

[Adam Carolla]

My promise is I was single and I was in charge of packing my own lunch and packing your lunch, like before you leave at 6:15 in the morning. And when you're a bachelor, it'd be like, you know, you don't have to cook this top ramen to enjoy it. And I'll throw one of those in there and like a thing of raisins and a green apple. And then you get there and it's like, yeah, so you didn't write yourself.

[Todd Glass]

A note on your own napkin.

[Adam Carolla]

The guys who had it good, actually, the Mexican dudes had wives that actually cooked and like sort of understood the value of what the guy was doing and would give like that mini, squatty little thermos with a little stew in it or something that was still hot, like in a couple tortillas. Like it was actually but half the time he'd just eat off the lunch tray truck and lunch trucks, little secret, every bit as expensive as a Carl's Jr. Or one of the more expensive fast food joints. They're not cheap. It's not like, oh, a lunch truck, a burrito's 99 cents convenient. No, Taco Bell's 10 times cheaper than a lunch truck. It's just, it's on wheels and it's coming to you. But yeah, this job's blue ass. Brian, do you ever have a good blow ass job?

[Allison Rosen]

I was thinking about it. I did do. I was a grunt for an electrician, so I was doing a lot of pickups and I moved a whole summer and I moved a Transformer out of an, out of a medical building. And that's like a. Not the cool Transformer like Optimus prime, but like 600 pound fucking thing that was broken. But I was thinking about having had too many crappy jobs. But you know what makes a crappy job is the boss. Yes, the crappy boss. Like your guy. Like I liked my job a lot in 97.1, but I hated my boss. Not you. You ahead of my boss. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's the make or the break. I mean the job is half. Here's the thing. If the job is good and your boss is an asshole, he can ruin the job. If the job is bad and your boss is cool and you really dig your boss, then the job can be good. So it's really incumbent upon the dude I worked doing. I worked with a dude named Andrew who was a Jehovah's Witness. And I was like the early part of my life, it was like I was being punished by some sort of cosmic force. Like I was literally being tested or punished. I think it was one of these things where there was some great, you know, maker in the sky looking at me going, if he doesn't kill himself by 23, he'll go on to greatness. But meanwhile we must test him. We must, we must get like Job. Oh, if I owned a fucking gun, I would have shot myself a million times. Hey, job, where are you going with that shotgun in your head A million times, huh? A million times easily.

[Todd Glass]

I feel like you're a bad shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally a million times.

[Allison Rosen]

How long would that have taken?

[Adam Carolla]

Once you hit the lobe? Some are just flesh wounds eventually bleed out.

[Allison Rosen]

Some no.

[Adam Carolla]

I worked as a painter doing commercial painting, which is. I did interior commercial building. So I worked for a guy. I worked for a dude who was this crazy guy Named Paul, who was a big real estate guy who drove around a purple Excalibur like a crazy car. Like crazy womanizing. Like there's just freaky 80s coke driven dude, what the hell's an Excalibur? It's like this crazy kit car from the 80s. Well, they made a real one. There's different versions. Like everyone in the Rat Pack had one. Sammy Davis, all that stuff. Anyway, this guy had offices. And this guy's business was he leased out. He leased out floors to attorneys. So he would get one of the floors in like one of the twin towers in Century City. He would put a law library in it, he would put a receptionist desk in it. And he would lease the whole floor out to like law firms. And I guess it was pretty profitable. It worked for him for a certain period of time. I think he went bankrupt at some point. My job was when one of the law firms would move out and the other one would move in to come in and just paint as much Navajo White or Mustang Brown or whatever it was as we could put on now. It was really super boring painting work because it was an office. It was like a high rise office building. So the molding was that vinyl plastic mold. And the ceiling was that drop ceiling, that cork ceiling. There was no wood to paint. Even the doors were just a metal thing. You didn't even paint the doors. So there's no like brushing out or trim work or anything. You just get in there with the rollers and just start rolling. So it was just me and Andy, the Jehovah's Witness. And we would work four 10 hour days and we'd just be in the same room right next to each other painting, which is the most monotonous, boring shit in the world. Unless you're standing next to a super funny cool guy, in which case it's gross. Except for Andy was a born again Jehovah, something who named all his kids after apostles. And all we could listen to was religious music. And would try to get me to attend the big rallies. Like the big Jehovah rallies at Dodger Stadium. You know, we'd be standing at the wall and he'd be like, you know, we're having a big, big, big jamboree at the. It's coming up in two weeks at Dodger Stadium. You know, everyone's going to be there, it's going to be real. I like when religious people try to explain, explain to you. It's going to be a good time. Oh, man. A lot of Hawaiian Punch. High C. What's your drink? Cactus Cooler. Like, you know, I wanted to get high and drink beer and fuck, you know, and he's telling me and he's trying to. And there is nothing to do when you're in a room that's this size. All he could do is proselytize the entire time, you know, talking about Jehovah and about, you know, and then they start little glimpses into their past. Like, yeah, sure, I had some trouble back in the day. Like, oh, God, you know, Dear God, no. Yeah. And then, you know. But now he has, you know, nine kids and he's like 22 and he's fat. He looks like he's 40, you know, and it's just sitting in a room all day with fucking Andy. And he didn't really want to. He was a nice enough guy. Like, he didn't want to go, like, shut the fuck up. With Jehovah, I don't want to hear. But there was nothing else to do but sit there and kind of nod while he was talking, you know. Like, you know, I've had some pretty down days, too. And then I think about Jesus Christ and I realize I'm one of his kids, you know, And I. And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's cool. Like, you don't want to tell them to shut up, you know, and if you tell him you don't believe, then you're really screwed because he's going to double down.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a tightrope. Because you want to. You want to placate him, but you don't want to be like, yeah, man, tell me more. You want to be like, ah, right.

[Todd Glass]

You don't want to encourage him.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a piece of shit, like, Sanford and Son esque van. And every once in a while we'd, like, get the call and they'd be like, now you got to go out to the one in Thousand Oaks, and me and Andy into the van and him talking, talking about Jehovah and I don't even know who Jehovah is, and driving over to Thousand Oaks and just bored, just sitting there, just painting for eight bucks an hour. Just same room right next to each other. No radio, no nothing.

[Todd Glass]

If someone were to find Andy now and say, what were Adam's religious beliefs? Like, what did he think you were?

[Adam Carolla]

I never. My early approach to life was like, when a celebrity goes to prison, prison just don't get in and go, listen, I'm down with the bloods. Sorry Crips, sorry Mexican lowriders, sorry Aryan Youth. I'm sorry. I, like, you know, I wouldn't take a side. I would just nod my head, try to keep my nose clean. Like, I really. I spent. Because when you work with construction guys, they're mostly racist who are like bad dads, you know, and they're. They're saying things that you disagree with about gays, about blacks, about Mexicans, some stuff you read. But the point is, lion share of it, you know, about their own kids, about the way they raise their kids. You know, they're like one of those. It's like one of those things where it's like, you know, listen, I. You know, listen, I don't care if he's my step kid. I'm hitting him. You know, he's got to learn. And, you know, you know, and you know, you just kind of sit there going, nah. Yeah, nah, right? And you're thinking like, get the fuck out of here. I've got to get the fuck out of here. And that's it. But you don't want to.

[Todd Glass]

That's me growing up in Orange County.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you don't want to say, hey, you never strike a child. You don't. Because A, he's not going to stop, and B, he's just going to hit you.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's just a lot of, like, head nodding and thinking, I got to get the fuck out of here. And then a lot of, hey, man, you got to go to the river with us this weekend. All righty. Oh, this weekend. Oh, man, I don't know about that. I'm going to a big jamboree at Dodger Stadium with Andy. Sorry, I can't make it.

[Allison Rosen]

You could have used Cyber Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you gonna do? Really? And then, of course, that dovetailed into installing closets with the born again gangbangers, which is, again, four Mexican dudes. No, actually, no, sorry. Three Mexican gangbangers, one Filipino dude named Pogi, which means handsome, and one big fat white guy. And all. All at the same church and all born again and all just trapped in a closet with these dudes. And that was not much to talk about. Not much. Did end up with one dude named Kelly there. That was pretty cool.

[Todd Glass]

Now, did they have a lot to talk about with each other, though?

[Adam Carolla]

They weren't chatty dudes. Like, you know, number one, like, one of the guys, Frank was the scary kind of, you know, there's the Mexican gangbanger who doesn't talk, you know, like.

[Todd Glass]

It'S just like one, like.

[Adam Carolla]

And every once in a while, when he asked To. Well, it's not really stoic, but it's like, you know, I'm talking about, like, the guy looks like an extra from a Sean Penn movie from like the, you know, early 90s. Like, just that. What was it, Bloods or True or whatever Was that. What's that?

[Allison Rosen]

Colors.

[Adam Carolla]

Colors, yeah, like an extra from Colors. Like. Like every once in a while he'd be like, frank, how you doing? Like, you know, and everyone. But sometimes they would try to express themselves. Like, they'd go, you know, man, you know that show where the one guy's got his, you know, like his cousin from. He's from another place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. Sometimes. That's funny, man.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, like, he'd do like.

[Todd Glass]

Like, he was super into Perfect Strangers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like you didn't know. And every once in a while they, like, open up. Like, you know, sometimes I have feelings, you know, like, it makes me sad, you know, when I think about stuff I did to some people, you know. Fucking Native Americans. Weird. It's just weird. Like, they don't. They're not. I'm telling you. It's that. There's a Mexican gang banger. I don't talk. I let my fists do my talking. Kind of cultural. I'm not sure what it is. If you watch these lockdown shows and stuff, you'll see these dudes all the time. It's like, first off, you think, where'd you get the energy to stab somebody? You can barely string a sentence together. It's part of it seems sort of cultural. Part of it seems like a language thing. Although they were born in east la, so it's like part of it seems.

[Todd Glass]

Like a tough guy thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a tough guy. Like, it's not. You know what it's a version of? It's a version of. In every tough guy movie, when the phone rings, the guy goes, yeah. He never goes. Hi.

[Bald Bryan]

Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's there? Who's calling? Thank you. Hello, Yellow Howdy Doody.

[Todd Glass]

Criminal residents.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. Yeah, Gotcha. Yeah, they're all that and they don't say goodbye.

[Todd Glass]

They just hang up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they hang up. Yeah. Yeah. That's also weird thing also. But they have fantastic memories. 2278 North Pier 19. 9:30 at night. Gotcha. And they hang up the phone.

[Todd Glass]

They're never like, let me grab a.

[Adam Carolla]

Pen, let me grab a pen.

[Todd Glass]

Let me read that back to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's my hello Kitty notepad?

[Allison Rosen]

This one's out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. So it's like the weird quiet. Here's How Frank. The most Frank. The most I heard Frank ever talk is I was. We were in a very small house installing a closet. I've told the story before. And Frank went into the very small bathroom and fucking destroyed it with his ass. Just sat down and did some real gang banging on that toilet and just fucking blew it out. And I was with the oblivious owner of the house, and the owner was like, kind of probably like a gay guy. And he was like, walking me through the house, and he had that weird frenetic gay guy homeowner thing where they're like, oh, let me show you this, and let me show you that kind of thing. And he was like. And oh, I want you to match the molding. If we can match the molding on the closet you're gonna install. If you match the molding, same one we have in the bathroom right off the hall here. And as we're walking toward it, Frank is sort of shutting the door behind. And as we're passing him, Frank, the most Frank ever spoke. He said, I wouldn't go in there. And the guy, of course, didn't hear him. And he just, like, sort of burned the door. Just burst the door open in one of those Valley House bathrooms where the bathroom's like 4 square feet with no window. No window just burst in. He's like, and right over here. And it's like, oh, dear God. And it was like, holy. Holy shit. Frank destroyed the place. I think there's a guy named Philip and I lent some money to and he paid me back by working on working at my house or working at my car. They're all nice enough guys, but it's like the born again gang banger dudes, literally traveling with a Bible, asking for traveling mercy. And Frank spoke in tongues. Shandala.

[Todd Glass]

Shandala Frank, the guy who didn't speak in English?

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. He bust into tongues.

[Bald Bryan]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Todd Glass]

Wow. See, I've been around reformed criminals who have now found Jesus, and I must say, I don't feel any better about it. I still feel like. But you. You killed people, and I don't feel like you're done with that for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's sort of like when pedophiles get chemically castrated. It's like, oh, you think Jesus is.

[Todd Glass]

Like a chemical Jesus?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, what it is, is. No, what I'm saying is you're not thrilled about this. Like, all right, the guy felt up some nine year old, okay. And the chemical castration doesn't sound awesome either, but if it gets him from not feeling up another nine year old. Moving on. You know what I mean? It's like these are four or five dudes who aren't gonna kill anybody else as long as they're thumping the Bible, right?

[Todd Glass]

But whereas the chemical castration can't just wear off in a split second, I feel like all that other stuff can. Maybe I'm wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

No, definitely. Frank was four and a half beers away from stabbing me with a number two pencil in the neck. I mean, there's no doubt about that. And there's no doubt he's probably in prison right now. But I'm just saying, thus proving my point. No doubt. But the point is, gather these guys probably strung together a few good years of not stabbing people because they were scared of Jesus Christ. And who knows? Maybe they're still going. I don't know.

[Todd Glass]

Can't judge.

[Adam Carolla]

No, can't judge. And I don't know that all. Big John, the white guy, was from Chicago. Used to work at Wrigley Field selling hot dogs. There's a gig. So I don't know about what happened to Big John. Pogie was cute. Cute guy. Filipino guy.

[Todd Glass]

So he really was Pogie.

[Adam Carolla]

He really was handsome. Yeah. Although I always think how obnoxious it is because it meant handsome. And then it's like, cute here, but when you go back to your native land, isn't that obnoxious? But then he got hit in the face with a piece of hardwood. That straightened him out a little bit.

[Allison Rosen]

He ain't pogy no more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. That's right.

[Todd Glass]

He literally got beat with an ugly.

[Adam Carolla]

Stick like Raging Bull. All right, Brian. No, no, wait a minute. You don't have any. You think of a good one. We got calls lined up here.

[Todd Glass]

A good bad job.

[Adam Carolla]

Think of a good bad job. Let me tell you about one of our newer sponsors. That's right. Encore. You want to save a little money on life insurance? Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Yes, I do.

[Adam Carolla]

What if that piece of knotty pine. Actually, he wishes it was pine. It was oak. Oak is hard, man. Oak is a hard wood. Literally, a hardwood right in the kisser. What if you get a piece of oak in the wrong?

[Todd Glass]

That would be awful.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you want to be insured?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What about your family?

[Todd Glass]

I don't want them to be without life insurance.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. How about a free quote today? Call 866-347-5748. Or you can visit them online at their [e-mail]. thinking about getting life insurance? Maybe you already have Coverage. Maybe you're paying too much. How about you call Encore, see if they can help you save? I bet they can. Check out their website. And again, it's one of these things if you have a family, especially, look, if you're George Clooney, who cares? Let's be honest. You got nothing but a dog and a Harley to leave something to. But you have a couple kids. You have a wife now, Brian, you got a mortgage and a wife. I have both a mortgage and a wife. You want to leave her holding the bag if something happens to you?

[Allison Rosen]

If only I was in shareable.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Everyone but Brian should call smartterm.com smartterm.com.

[Todd Glass]

It'S like a shampoo sponsorship.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Check out their website, 866-347-5748. Or like I said, their website. One more time, smartterm.com. give them a call at 1-866-347-5748. Licensing and Disclaimer information can be found on their [e-mail]. all right, Allison, give me your story.

[Todd Glass]

One quick story. Before that, though, I remember when I was filling out the paperwork for various jobs where I had a whole bunch of benefits and stuff, and there was always that life insurance thing. And, you know, me not having people that I really have to take care of other than myself, I would, you know, fill out who I wanted to be the benefactor. And I always made me feel like Daddy Warbucks for a moment. Like if anything happened to me and this person gets, you know, 20,000.

[Adam Carolla]

But they weren't expecting my black boob boots, all 22 pairs of them, and.

[Todd Glass]

My makeup and my blow dryer. Okay, so I've talked before about the fact that I worked as a greeter at Sam Goody. And it was an awful job because I would stand in the doorway going, hi, welcome to Sam Goody. Hi, welcome to Sam Goody.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, they sold music Cassettes. Cassettes. CDs and CDs. And did they sell books or anything else?

[Todd Glass]

No, they sold movies and then they sold electronics and things like that.

[Adam Carolla]

They would sell, like CD players and CDs.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. I don't know how many CD players they actually had, but, I mean, they had like Walkmans and things like that. Walkman.

[Adam Carolla]

But they wouldn't sell, like, big screen TVs.

[Todd Glass]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Sam Goodies, where you'd go get your CDs like that. Yeah. So the reason, you could trade them in too, there, couldn't you?

[Todd Glass]

I don't think they bought used.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Todd Glass]

But they. It was one of those. Well, I know a lot of jobs are like this, but, I mean, they would frisk you and pat you down before you walked out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. In case you had any of those cassettes with the giant plastic thing attached stuffed in your pants.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the greeter for? I mean, if you really think about it, like, if you're heading into a Walmart and you need, you know, some outdoor furniture and you take two steps in the room and you're like, hey, where's the retarded guy telling me, hi, you know what? Fuck this. We are getting in my car. I'm going to Sears.

[Todd Glass]

I know.

[Allison Rosen]

I always say there was someone who's just discovered Home Depot. There's this place called Home Depot. Turns out these gigantic stores. It is nice to have someone right in front where you're like, where's the. Where's the lighting? Is that 500 yards to my right or 500 yards to my left?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Except for this isn't that gig. This is just you going, welcome.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, it sucked. So happy holidays. Welcome to. Because sometimes it was during the holidays. But here is why it really sucked in addition to that, though, because the manager hated me. See, I was a good kid. I was what we called in my school a goody good a nerd. And I did not break any rules or anything. However, in my life, periodically, I've encountered people who, for whatever reason, just think that I'm a bad seed or I'm a troublemaker. And I think it's because I have black hair. I think they just think I'm a rebel. So she thought I was that. So no matter what I was doing. And she also had black hair, but it was dyed black. So I feel like she felt black hair competition. It happens among us ladies. Exactly. So she. She would always just hiss. No matter what I was doing. She'd be like, alison, help the customers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What?

[Todd Glass]

She hissed at me, and she had it in for me, and she would give me bad hours.

[Adam Carolla]

She hated me. I try to every once in a while. Do you ever just sort of sift through the wreckage of your life and try to sort of figure out what happened with this person or that person, be it a teacher or coach or a boss. Like.

[Todd Glass]

Like every now and then, I do take a hard look inside and I realize it was totally them.

[Adam Carolla]

Me, too.

[Todd Glass]

I know how it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've had that happen. I got. I got traded in the middle of the Little League baseball season.

[Allison Rosen]

That happens.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know it could happen.

[Todd Glass]

To another spot.

[Adam Carolla]

Evidently one was arranged. Now this was just like, you know, peewee baseball. Not school related but just like Little League, right? And I was on like the Oreos and there was a look at the Orioles. The Oreos are the. Sorry, what did I make it to?

[Allison Rosen]

The cookie could have been the Oreos.

[Adam Carolla]

The Oreos, delicious. I was in the Orioles and there was a Jesus, there was a coach was a short, sort of bulbous, sort of bearded, kind of weird little guy, walked with his feet pointing out and, and it's some. I was a pretty good player and I played team sports my entire life. I think I played 11 years of football in about five, six years of baseball.

[Allison Rosen]

Plus you were a lefty even more valuable.

[Adam Carolla]

I was a lefty, I could play some first base. And I was always just a sort of low self esteem, hard working guy. Was pretty good at the sports that I played at. And when I played like football, the year I broke my shoulder, I broke my shoulder one year and I still showed up at every practice and went to every team meeting and went to all the games and sort of helped out the coaches and that kind of thing. So looking back on it, like I wasn't a fucking troublemaker or anything. I wasn't Kelly from the Bad News Bears or anything. And at some point this guy pulled my mom aside and said he's pigheaded, he's too pig headed and I can't have him on the team and I gotta get rid of, of them. Like I got to trade them to another team. And I got traded to the Cardinals and I hit a home run my first time up at bat after getting traded to the Cardinals. Yeah, and I got traded the pecan sandys and so every about three and a half years I think about it like I don't know what I said to the guy. I can't remember what the discussion was. I don't. It wasn't like his son was on the team and I punched him. It wasn't. I had no problems with the Cardinals. I had no problems with any other Cardinal.

[Todd Glass]

Can we get him on this show and find out?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to think that one of the gangbangers got drunk and stabbed him, threw his bible down, picked up a pair of needle nose pliers, put it inside of that fat asses. I'm sure his arteries was fucking broke in half like 20 years ago, but.

[Todd Glass]

So you weren't kind of a mouthy kid though.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was capable of that kind of stuff. But I really was quite humble and had like, sort of low self esteem and had played team sports. My, you know, Pop Warner football was yes, sir and no, sir. And it wasn't even Coach Gallagher. It was just sir, no, sir, yes, sir. And there wasn't any first names and there was no like, oh, man, come on, give me a break. It was like, get in line, arms. It was militaristic.

[Todd Glass]

I mean, see, the injustice of that would drive me insane. Now I'm gonna be thinking about it every day.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember at the time sort of, not really, just sort of being like, all right, I don't know what he's doing. And then I just went to another team and I was good on the other team, and that was the end of that. It was the only time it ever happened. I don't remember the run in that I had with him. I don't remember if I had a run in with any other player. I never had run ins with teammates. I would never question a coach. If a coach said, like, go to right field, I just go to right field. Like, it was really weird.

[Allison Rosen]

I played six years of Little League. My brother played six years. I never heard of that. Never heard of a player getting traded.

[Adam Carolla]

Got. Got cut from the Cardinals, Went to. Got. Got cut from the Orioles or the Oreos, as I call them, and went to the Cardinals. And we had a female coach.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, how'd that go?

[Adam Carolla]

Mrs. Cruz was like out of a movie. She was taboo too. She was a long haul trucker. She wore. It was. Was like. Had looked like peppermint patties, like lesbian older sister. Like, had the hair slung over the eyes. Wore the shades that were like smoked from the 70s, like big lenses but no frames, you know, just sort of smoked in like Kelly from the Bad News Bears. Had the. Had the brown Moore cigarette sort of dangling from her mouth the whole time and would sit there where she wore the. Those tight, like sort of dark blue wrangler boot cut. They're not jeans. They were that cowboy material. Like, it wasn't the denim, right?

[Todd Glass]

Like super thick and tight, tight.

[Adam Carolla]

Like there's two kinds of sort of cowboy pants. There's the jeans and then there was just like the. I don't know what material it was, but. And cowboy boots and a windbreaker. And she was like six two with these boots on. And she handled the fungo bat and with one hand by mistake. Like when she was hitting to the outfield, she'd be like, all right, Adam out in center, get the cutoff. And when she hit home runs inadvertently with the fungo bat, she had that much pop in her fucking stick. And her daughter Claudia would pitch and strike everyone out. Chip off the old block. But I don't think she was a lesbian because she had her daughter and I think she was married, but she was just so fucking butch. Just awesome.

[Todd Glass]

Sounds like a very handsome woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I hit a grand slam. My first at bat when I went over to that team. And later on, my buddy Fred explained to me that he was. Well, he was one of these neighborhood guys. It was a weird, sad thing, the two brothers who were like the trouble brothers. Like, I come from this weird neighborhood where if there was a couple of two brothers and one of them was like the trouble one, one of them definitely didn't see their 25th birthday. People don't realize how. How many people died. Just bad cars, bad accidents, just drunk driving, just whatever. And Fred, Donnie could tell you if he was in here, but Fred was like. It was like one of these things where he was like a good looking guy and he was a good athlete and he was pitching a no hitter for the other team. And then I hit a grand slam off him. And later on I ran into him when I was like 28 and he was like a junkie and like living, you know, out on the street and shit like that. He basically came up to me and he's like, you know, Adam, I still remember that grand slam you hit off me, man. I had a. No, I had a no hitter going, obviously walked three guys, but like, I had perfect game was out there when it was like, I had a no hitter going, man. And then you hit that grand slam, man, and then he was dead, like, I don't know, a year later or something like that. It was like, weird. I didn't feel responsible, but it wasn't. I didn't like the idea that he was. I ruined his no hitter. All right, let's finally go to the phones here on a Labor Day Sam.

[Caller]

Ace, man, get it on. What's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Universal City Walk, by the way, this Thursday. I should tell people. Go ahead, let's talk.

[Caller]

All right, so I'm 32, from Cleveland. When I was 14, Buddy and me got a job cleaning carpets of cash. Five bucks an hour under the table. You're 14. That's tons of cash, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Caller]

So this guy, the guy that owned it, was like a neurotic Richard Lewis type of guy, just real, real goofy. He'd have us doing stuff around his office, cleaning out the fridge, you know, painting the baseboard. Just stupid.

[Todd Glass]

Stuff.

[Caller]

And how dare you? Right when he send us out to clean carpets and we were 14 year old kids, we weren't really cleaning carpets. He would drop us off and we pretty much just got carpets wet with hot water. Who knows what we were doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we had a guy. But what kind of places were he cleaning, residential or commercial?

[Larry Miller]

Residential.

[Caller]

They'd be nice, you know, big apartment complexes on the water here, like the skyscraper penthouse type and residential stuff. And the owners would be there and he'd just leave two 14 year old kids there to do the work. And the goofy part about it is lunchtime would come, you think you just bring a sandwich, eat your lunch and go back to work. He would pick us up and pick up the two other workers he had and drop us off at all the fast food places where we would go in and order one sandwich. He would come by, pick all of us up, we'd sit down together and he would cut each sandwich up into however many people are eating. So five people. It would cut it almost like a pie. We'd each get a little piece of a Whopper or a Big Mac and we'd have to eat.

[Adam Carolla]

It seems weird and counterproductive and like it would take more time and. What the. Yeah, I had a.

[Todd Glass]

Sounds fun to me.

[Adam Carolla]

My carpet cleaning jobs were the worst ever. At least you got to clean penthouses. I was cleaning Sizzlers. And the carpet, you gotta imagine the difference between the carpet at a rib joint and the carpet in a penthouse. Yeah, like carpet in your house gets dirty, but it doesn't get weird. It doesn't get weird. Greasy. Somebody spilled a plate of short ribs on it. Fucked up.

[Todd Glass]

But also this guy had a weird food sharing enforcement policy. It sounds like. Yeah, like no matter what sandwich you got, you could not eat all of it. You had to share.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone was a bagger at a Jewish grocery calling from New York. Yep. Hey, Keith.

[Caller]

Hey, how are you?

[Adam Carolla]

What's happening? Why don't we take a five minute break?

[Caller]

Yeah. I worked at a Jewish grocery store in Chicago and they'd make me wear. They'd make me wear a suit and they'd make me wear a bow tie when I'd be bagging the groceries.

[Adam Carolla]

I know that place, the Safe Fair. I get the big bucks. They'd make you wear a suit?

[Caller]

They make me worse.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you mean like you were Hasidic or something?

[Caller]

No, like more like it was a classy joint. Like it was like in a nice neighborhood sort of like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but don't the serious kosher Jews like, all wear the black jackets, like, sort of Amish esque in the Thai and stuff. Like, I see the kids and the payos and all that stuff. Jesus Christ. Bagging groceries in a suit that had.

[Todd Glass]

A blow and a bow tie.

[Caller]

Well, I went to my high school like, three blocks down the street, so I was 16 at the time. And all the girls would come in and see me. And at that time, it's not like girls were interested if you had a job, you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And everyone's screaming at you. Krepla on the top, Manischevitz on the bottom. How many times I have to say it?

[Caller]

Exactly. And I'd get. I'd get old ladies who'd make insane arrangements where they would say, like, I want all the groceries in one bag, but I don't want that bag to be heavy. Be serious about it, Right? Very serious.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say this about the Jews. Sorry. They're a needy group. Like, they have. They have things they need. And like, when I used to deliver, I used to deliver booze.

[Caller]

How dare you?

[Adam Carolla]

Exclusively to what we call the Hebrew Heights up there. When I worked at the Flask Liquor, it was all the Jewish customers up there and they had a lot, a lot. I need the seven up over by the pool and the coke needs to be in the upstairs. And it was a very. It was very like, we don't mind paying a little extra and we don't mind. We're not going to the Big Barn store and buying the stuff. We're going to little Ma and Pop place. But I got some. I got. I got a checklist, right. And I need you all.

[Todd Glass]

If you go wrong, we'll let you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, you will definitely be let. We'll definitely give you a little heads up on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I'm trying to think of the. What do you think? The best race to work for drunken.

[Todd Glass]

People, I was gonna say. Yeah. Well, as long as they're not angry drunk, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Keith.

[Caller]

Yeah, what's up?

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, job blue.

[Caller]

I would. It'd be. I remember they. They would. When they had the Jewish holiday, they just give you like tons and tons of meat. Meat to bag in. And the blood would just like get all over you because they wouldn't package them.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. And you're wearing your suit with the blood all over it. Yeah.

[Caller]

And I go, you have to go clean it. But they'd. They'd let the old ladies up, get the soup by the soup bar, and they wouldn't put the lid on all the way. So every day I'd burn my hands with soup and they'd make me go crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like the beginning of Kung Fu. You're breaking my heart. Hot soup. Who gives a shit? So, Keith, let me ask you this. What's your overall feeling about the Jews? Now, did this fuck things up for you, or do you feel good about them?

[Caller]

I'm indifferent about them. They're all different, but they all have. I think every single one of them is different.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have any ill will toward the Jews?

[Caller]

No, not at all.

[Todd Glass]

I'm unconvinced.

[Adam Carolla]

You're cool. Live and let live. But you didn't get any sense. Like, you know those guys or those folks, or they're good at this or they're bad at that, or they're nice here. They're not good there. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Caller]

Well, they had a lot of money, so I don't assume all Jews have a lot of money, but these people did. So they're just assholes to be asked.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, they're not all rich. Some are just wealthy.

[Todd Glass]

That's what they want you to think.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Thanks, Keith.

[Caller]

Yeah, no problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Good times. This guy Chad from Columbus, got himself a job making aluminum rims. Hey, Chad.

[Caller]

What's happening?

[Bald Bryan]

Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

What'd you do, work for Alcoa?

[Caller]

It was actually Alcoa was the input of this company. So it was basically raw aluminum discs that would come in from Alcoa and this company would spin them. And eventually. Not aluminum wheels for semis.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Caller]

Like Mack trucks and Peterbilts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Make aluminum rims for. Right.

[Caller]

Yeah, exactly. So I was the first stop on the line as a CNC machine. And it would drill the first holes in the rim. And so my job for 12 hours a day was to shovel the aluminum chips that come out when they drill the holes, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When they drill aluminum, they get these weird curlicues. Well, it's like aluminum peas. It's like the weird things. If there was an aluminum rabbi. If there was a recyclable rabbi. Yeah. Seriously?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine a little the wizard of Oi. If they made the wizard of Oi and there was a tin rabbi, they would use those curlicues that come off the drill bit when you're drilling the rims, right?

[Caller]

Yeah. So when you're, you know, a sophomore in college, like I was on the break from school, they don't tell you and you don't think about the fact those little curlicues are blazing Hot.

[Todd Glass]

As hot as soup.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, the blazing hot. So I would stand there, and you look at my counterpart across the line. He starts screaming, throwing his gloves off, and you can't hear him. You don't know why, because it's so loud in there.

[Adam Carolla]

He said CNC 10 minutes ago. Would you have gotten the CNC Music Factory part in there with the CNC machine?

[Todd Glass]

I didn't quite, but I appreciate the.

[Allison Rosen]

Song bit of factory.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So, Chad, that sucked. What are you doing now? That's the point.

[Caller]

Software development. It's a great job to make you go to college and get your degree. Basically.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you, I gotta say this. Everybody needs a nice shitty job to get them in line to. Essentially, everyone needs to be calibrated. Because if you're not calibrated, you really don't know what a dollar's worth or what a good gig is or what a shitty boss is, you know? You know what I'm talking about?

[Todd Glass]

I totally do. I, you know, I worked as a music journalist for a long time, and I would periodically.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever come to CNC Aluminum Factory.

[Todd Glass]

I would periodically get. I would decide it felt formulaic or I wanted something else. So for a little while in New York, I tempt. Because I was always like, where are the jobs that pay you money for doing nothing? And I found one and it was so awful. Like, you're talking about the monotony of just like there was nothing to do. The time passed, so I did it for a few days, and then I quit and I went back to writing with this, like, newfound appreciation for hustling and all the things that I didn't want to have to do before.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

It's so easy to take your job for granted.

[Adam Carolla]

This is why I like these sort of Israeli everyone needs to go into the military for two years after high school, and then they'll be begging to go to college kind of thing. Because you do that thing where you go right from high school to college. Your first course is at noon. You're fucking pounding beers, you're hanging out, you're sleeping in, you're partying. It's like you don't really get an appreciation for what you have. You go out and dig some ditches with some born agains, you'll be begging to go to college. And I think everyone just as a sort of, I don't know, almost a human rite of passage, somebody needs a boss. Somebody needs an asshole boss. Somebody needs a mean coach or mean drill instructor. Somebody needs somebody to literally or Figuratively. Give them the drop and give me 20. Somebody needs that low man on the totem pole. Somebody needs that ass kicked around. You need a summer of that just to appreciate what you do have now. And a life where you just sort of skate through it without ever having any of those bosses, any of those stories, or any of those days. I don't know. Feels like you're not calibrated.

[Todd Glass]

It's like hitting your head against the wall so it'll feel so good when you stop. Yeah, you need that. Or else you'll never appreciate not hitting your head against a wall.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you who I appreciate. Legal Zoom.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, you do.

[Adam Carolla]

Waiting for that perfect time to start your dream business. Yes, you can appreciate your dream business, right? Unclear whether your dream business is a business where you study people's sleep patterns or they're saying a business that you're really excited about. I gotta look into that.

[Allison Rosen]

Hopefully both.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get this coffee straightened out. Dawson, this is way too ambiguous. Dream business?

[Todd Glass]

I'm starting my Sandman llc.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude. Dream catcher. Now you want to save some cash, right?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That means keeping legal fees to a minimum. That's why I moi recommend legalzoom.com Answer a few simple questions online, fast, easy. 100% satisfaction. Action trial tested documents personalized. For whose?

[Todd Glass]

Mine.

[Adam Carolla]

Your business?

[Todd Glass]

Mine.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You want to know who their most important customer is?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy named Steve. Lives out of town.

[Todd Glass]

What'd he do?

[Adam Carolla]

Don't worry about it, okay? That's what it says.

[Todd Glass]

I thought it was going to be me.

[Adam Carolla]

Nah, nah.

[Todd Glass]

Steve.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's in Canada. That's all they'll say. That's all they'll say.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's a big company, so they take care of him. They got people for you too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but Steve's their favorite. Yeah, that's your favorite. Start your corporation or LLC for as little as. How much, Allison?

[Todd Glass]

$15,000. 22,000.

[Adam Carolla]

If you can hear this right now, $99.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Legal Zoom. Not a law firm. They provide self help services at your direction. And for even more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Start your business right, protect your family, safeguard your assets. Now at legal zoom, that is legalzoom.com. let's see. Some guy installed swimming pools. And I'm guessing they were the prefab variety. Sounds like a rough job. When it's hot. Brad.

[Caller]

Hey, brother.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on, get it on. Bradley, what's happening?

[Caller]

Oh, nothing, brother. Just listening to your show tonight. Good show.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you tell us your story, your horrible job here on Labor Day.

[Caller]

110 degrees, Nebraska, if you've ever been here. We get humidity. Don't get that ocean breeze like you folks get. And it gets hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Well, you stand in the back of a pickup truck with a whole bunch of sand or silica sand, dumping that stuff in the bottom of a swimming pool. Yeah, because they put those vinyl liners over top of it so it looks nice and smooth.

[Adam Carolla]

They get a. They get a backhoe, they dig out the hole, then you put the sand bed in. And if put the. Then CNC backhoe factory.

[Allison Rosen]

They're gonna make you sweat.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna make you sweat.

[Caller]

They wear you out.

[Adam Carolla]

They wear you out. 110 degrees in Nebraska. Man, you wear out. Boy, that gen CNC music. That guy was in good shape.

[Caller]

We can put that, that nice vinyl light over the top. And you put those thousands of pound of water over, over top of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Makes it perfect, right? Gotta get the sand in first.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that silica sand, flathead shovel, and a lot of scooping. I had a job. I had a job, Brad. That was almost like a sort of torture test where I showed up at the back. Let's have a little CNC music. I showed up at the back of a Pier one that we were building off of like Wilshire in Santa Monica. And it was. It was like a dumpster, a huge dumpster, A huge pile of sand, like the size of three minivans on one side of the parking lot, dumpster on the other side of the parking lot. And it was like, here's a shovel, here's a wheelbarrow. And we need you to get. Don't go home until you get that huge pile of dirt into that dumpster. And it was literally just 10 hours of walking it up the dumpster doors would be swung open.

[Todd Glass]

They can't just wheel the dumpster closer.

[Adam Carolla]

To the dirt, push it up the ramp. There was a big crack in the. Like a crevice that had a board going across it. That. The point is this. It's just back and forth and back and forth. No headphones, no earbuds. No.

[Todd Glass]

I had the wheelbarrow goat shit up a tiny plank into a dumpster thing. When I went to summer camp, which was not a horrible job, but it was a horrible experience. But I didn't even get paid goat shit. Yeah, we had to clean out the goat pens. And it was so awful. And I couldn't even wheel the thing up. And I just gave up. I didn't care anymore. And then later they made like this whole stink about like someone did them. Then we later left the wheel. I can't even talk. They left the wheelbarrow over here and they didn't fulfill their duty and blah, blah, blah. And I just.

[Adam Carolla]

Jewish camp.

[Todd Glass]

No, it was a Christian camp.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Todd Glass]

What the fuck was I doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. You didn't know it was summer. Let's get the Jew to hold a goat dung. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Where was it?

[Todd Glass]

In Bonza, California. And it was soup Bonsal. It was like down by San Diego. One of the goats started digesting my flannel shirt. I had to pull it out of. I just felt this tugging at my side. And then I pulled my shirt out of the goat.

[Allison Rosen]

Did it.

[Todd Glass]

It had juice all over it.

[Allison Rosen]

Did it cause you to perspire?

[Todd Glass]

Yes, it did.

[Adam Carolla]

Crank it up. Yeah. Go to meeting. Everybody get in the go to meeting groove. Go to meeting with HD HG faces. HD faces should have backed up this CNC guy. He should have broke off on his own. I think that dude had a heart attack or something.

[Allison Rosen]

He was working out too hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Doing too much dancing. The problem is when you get that funky and you're just wearing those bib ski mobile pants with no shirt underneath, they don't care. You work up a sweat. Hell no. GoToMeeting with HD faces high def Group video conferencing brought to you by Citrix. Clear video quality. Look at that lady. Look at her meeting with all those diverse people on there. Like being in the same room. I used it. Donnie came over. We did it with Michael and the rest of his crew. It's unbelievable.

[Todd Glass]

Were you wearing pants?

[Adam Carolla]

The group phone. I had a group phone call today without this, and it blew ass. I'm telling you. Pop it up on your computer. Easy to use. All you need is the Internet connection and a webcam. They're built into 3/4 the computers anyway. Now try GoToMeeting with HD faces free. 30 days free. How can you go wrong? What happened to my music? Visit GoToMeeting.com Click on the Try it free button and use the promo code. Adam. I'll bet this is how CNC Music Factory met.

[Todd Glass]

On a podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. I bet it's how they communicate today. With the GoToMeeting. Yes, with the HD faces. They can all get together. I swear to God. The dude, the guy was in incredible shape. I think he had like a heart attack or something.

[Allison Rosen]

I did not hear that. Fab died from Milli Vanilla. And he was in good shape.

[Adam Carolla]

Find out what happened to the guy from CNC Music Factory. I swear to God, the guy had a coronary on a cruise ship or something. Something. You just can't dance.

[Todd Glass]

No wonder there isn't more great music from them.

[Adam Carolla]

And also, the super hot chick who sung wasn't really the super hot chick who sung. Yeah, it was a.

[Allison Rosen]

They a hot girl in the video?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was a heavy set chap who sung. But then I think they did like Saturday Night Live and like she was.

[Todd Glass]

Like Phoebe singing Smelly Cat in that commercial. Yeah, that episode of Friends.

[Adam Carolla]

You ready for me to go gay? Yeah, they sung It's Raining Men. I want to know. Dawson. We're not going anywhere until I find out. So somebody better find out. Death. He died in January 95 after a long illness. Official cause was announced by. Wait, who's this?

[Todd Glass]

One of the Cs died after a long illness and his death was announced by his partner, the other C. Robert Cuvier.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Todd Glass]

But wait, we don't know how he died yet.

[Allison Rosen]

Complications from spinal meningitis. Although some believe he was complications due to AIDS.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he was gay. Damn. Died so. Jesus. 62. He was young. Was like 30 something years old, right? 33 years old.

[Allison Rosen]

I wonder if it was hot in that hospital room.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody over here. Everybody over there.

[Todd Glass]

Might not have been.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he singing here or is he still just dancing?

[Todd Glass]

I think he was rapping.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I think he was.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he'll be sorely missed. Shame on you too. Man's been dead for 16 years. You didn't even know it. All right, we will wrap the show on a happy note. The guy from CNC Mills newspaper still dead. Turns out all right. So until next time, you guys enjoy your Labor Day. This Adam Crawford ball. Brian and Alison Rosen saying mahalo. Listen, I'm down with the Bloods. Sorry Crips.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, this is adam Kroll show 643. That does it for today's Corolla Classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for all new instructions. Installment. Until then, Mullet and get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever.