Adam Carolla's SHOCKING Realization About New York: It's BETTER Than California!

Summary

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Adam Carolla Show – July 6, 2026

Episode: Adam Carolla's SHOCKING Realization About New York: It's BETTER Than California!

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Episode Overview

Adam Carolla hosts a solo episode with Mike Dawson, unpacking his recent trip to New York City and confronting his “shocking realization” that New York, surprisingly, surpasses California—and especially Los Angeles—on cleanliness, infrastructure, and overall quality of city life. The episode is filled with Adam’s trademark rants, cultural observations, discussions on urban decay, pride of place, and the state of public order in America's biggest cities. The duo also banter about travel gripes, airport snacks, the behind-the-scenes of Gutfeld, and riff on current news headlines including political candidates, public transit, and hot-button social issues.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Adam’s Big Realization: New York Is Cleaner and Better Kept Than L.A.

• First Impressions:
  • Adam reflects on extensive walking in New York and being pleasantly surprised by the city’s cleanliness. He traversed areas like the High Line, the Village, and upper/lower Manhattan.
    • "New York is clean. It’s not a mess. Los Angeles is a mess... I just sort of looked around and I said, Mike, there’s no graffiti or garbage anywhere." [02:53]
• Comparison to LA:
  • Adam criticizes Los Angeles for continual graffiti and trash, specifically on public infrastructure like overpasses:
    • "Everything here that’s new... it looks like an old one that's being torn down, not being put up. Because there’s graffiti all the way to the end." [04:50]

Theories on Cleanliness: Culture, Ownership, and “Messiness”

• Cultural Factors:

  • Adam and Dawson debate whether certain cultures contribute more or less to urban mess:
    • "Mexicans are messy. So if you have tons of Mexicans living in your city, then you’re gonna have a messy city... Who’s doing all the tagging?" [07:10]
  • Contrasts with Japanese soccer fans, noting their tidiness as cultural pride.
    • "We have seen the Japanese soccer fans picking up after themselves…There’s cultures that are just messier than other cultures." [07:09]

• Pride of Ownership:

  • The pair discuss whether residents’ relationship with the city affects their care for it.
    • "Maybe more people in New York actually have roots in New York, whereas people in Los Angeles have no roots here. Los Angeles is straight rental; they don’t care. It’s treated like a rental car." [06:58]

• Roots and Narcissism:

  • Adam asserts LA has more people with no roots, treating the city poorly, and more narcissism than NYC.
    • "I think per capita we have more narcissists in Los Angeles than they do in New York." [11:18]
    • "All roads lead to narcissism." [11:11]

On City Infrastructure and Government

• Public Spending in NY vs. LA:
  • Acknowledges Dr. Drew’s position about taxes:
    • "Dr. Drew always says... I don’t really mind paying my taxes in New York, because I feel like I get something. You can walk that High Line. It’s well kept up. It's not garbagey, it's not graffiti." [03:44]
• Public Works Failures in LA:
  • Cites L.A.'s inability to execute public projects:
    • "We’re the number one rendering capital of the world...We cannot execute anything." [04:14]

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Behind the Scenes at Gutfeld! and TV Production

• Contrast with Other Shows:
  • Describes Gutfeld’s 'fast and loose' approach in contrast with overstaffed, overproduced late-night TV.
    • "Gutfeld does the show I always said we should do…Show up, start at 6:05, done before 7. It’s easy, fast and cheap, and there’s no pressure. It brings out the best in everyone." [13:25]
• Lack of Pretense Backstage:
  • Notes lack of pre-production, staff, nerves, or wardrobe:
    • "You do a late night TV show and you don’t have [a steamer]?...There’s not an ounce of nerves." [17:56];
    • "He hosts an hour long late night show and the host is there less than an hour, which is insane." [18:34]

Adam's Ability to Improvise on Air / Riffing

• Adam compares his readiness for live, unscripted TV to a trained fighter:
  • "I feel like a guy who wrestled in college and then did a lot of mixed martial arts...If somebody presented a problem to me, I'd be ready. It would always work." [20:48]
• "Do you ever surprise yourself? Do you ever sit back and say, damn, I’m good?" [20:48] Dawson asks;
• "I’m always ready to go...that was in real time," Adam responds, referencing a Bill O’Reilly jab he volleyed back. [23:46]

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Political/Cultural Riffs & Notable News Segments

• Wealth Disparity:

  • Adam criticizes the relative outrage over billionaire versus politician wealth.
    • "Let’s just say a 36 inch yardstick: truck driver at 1 inch, Obamas at 7 inches, Elon at 36...But in terms of lifestyle, what’s the difference?" [26:23]

• Uber, Travel Gripes & Modern Tipping:

  • Adam complains about high Uber Black prices and tipping systems post-travel.
    • "I paid 195 bucks for a 35 minute ride. I want to know how that works. How's the guy get it?" [44:34]
    • Dawson: "You can go lower. Just enter custom tip and throw them 10 bucks." [46:00]

• Complaints About Airline Snacks:

  • Extended rant about plantain chips being the worst possible snack:
    • "Plantain chips taste like cardboard with a little bit of salt on it...If they had a sack of Lay’s barbecue chips...you’d been hog heaven."[51:03]
    • "There is no one who tastes a plantain chip and goes, yeah, that’s my jam." [53:46]

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LA vs. NY: Public Transit, Crime, and Urban Inequality

• Crime Numbers & Policing

  • Adam and Dawson parody the reporting of crime stats in LA (crimes are down because nobody reports or enforces them anymore):
    • "Nobody reports any crime at all in Los Angeles because why would you bother, right?...Maybe rounding up a bunch of illegals helped." [88:47]
    • "If you remove the police force from a high crime area, obviously crime is not going to be reported nor enforced...Crime is down." [99:19]

• Public Transit Shambles

  • Adam describes LA Metro as “rolling homeless shelters,”
    • "City buses have become rolling homeless shelters with drugs and feces. Trains are rolling platforms of murder and mayhem." [89:21]
  • Contrasts with New York’s functional subways, albeit with caveats.

• Fare Enforcement & Equity Policies

  • Mocks activism that led to removing fare collection/enforcement:
    • "They argue...making people pay to use the trains is racist…It’s a huge insult to any black or Hispanic person...Let’s coach up blacks not to do stuff we don't want them to do versus making whatever they're doing legal all the time." [95:46, 97:22]
  • Satirizes results: crime down on paper, dysfunction up in the streets.
    • "Everything they do is some sort of retarded reverse engineering that never works." [99:42]

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Political Satire: AOC, Newsom, and Hyperbolic Candidates

• Discussion of AOC’s Future as a Presidential Candidate:

  • J.D. Vance predicts AOC for 2028 nomination; Adam ridicules her response as vapid posturing:
    • "She’s not that bright. When she gets put on the spot, her brain’s like, think of something pithy, smart, quip...but it’s really not. She’s just a fucking insane narcissist." [82:47]

• Scott Wiener and Sex Offender Legislation:

  • Vitriolic mockery of State Senator Scott Wiener for blocking legislation banning sex offenders from public office.
    • "Scott Wiener, you love chugging cock. That’s your raison d’etre...but you’re obsessed with all cock-related stuff." [101:00]
    • "We want you to do governing things. Not everyone loves chugging cock all day." [102:47]

• On Diversity and “Identity Politicians”

  • Adam skewers the idea that political appointments are now about identity over competence:
    • "The era of us getting people and people of color and the sexual proclivities and the lesbians and the cock chuggers of the world in the positions of power is...Historians are going to look back on that and go, what the fuck were these retards thinking in the name of diversity?" [105:13]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

Cleanliness, Culture, and City Life

• "New York is clean. It’s not a mess. Los Angeles is a mess…" [02:53]
• "We’re the number one rendering capital of the world…but we cannot execute anything." [04:14]

On Modern Narcissism

• "All roads lead to narcissism." [11:11]
• "More narcissists in Los Angeles than New York." [11:18]

Rants on Food & Travel

• "Plantain chips taste like cardboard with a little bit of salt on it...There is no one who tastes a plantain chip and goes, yeah, this is my jam." [53:46]
• "I hate being on camera in a bad pair of underwear because it's all you can think about. And that's why I go with sheath." [36:26]

On Dysfunctional Governance

• "Everything they do is some sort of retarded reverse engineering that never works." [99:42]
• "The era of us getting people and people of color and the sexual proclivities and the lesbians and the cock chuggers of the world in the positions of power is...historians are going to look back on that and go, what the fuck were these retards thinking in the name of diversity?" [105:13]

TV Production

• "Easiest show in the world to do...He hosts an hour long late night show and the host is there less than an hour, which is insane anyway." [18:34]

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Highlighted Timestamps

| Time | Topic/Quote | |---------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:53 | Adam’s shock at New York’s relative cleanliness | | 04:14 | LA is the “number one rendering capital,” but can’t build anything | | 07:10 | Observation: “Mexicans are messy. So…” cultural roots of messiness | | 11:11 | “All roads lead to narcissism.” | | 13:25 | Behind the scenes at Gutfeld—fast, loose, minimal staff | | 20:48 | Adam on improvisation: feeling like a trained fighter | | 26:23 | Wealth chasm: “Let’s just say a 36 inch yardstick…” | | 44:34 | Uber price/tipping frustrations | | 51:03 | Airline snacks: “Plantain chips taste like cardboard…” | | 88:47 | LA crime stats: “Nobody reports any crime at all in Los Angeles…” | | 99:42 | “Everything they do is some sort of retarded reverse engineering…” | | 105:13 | Rant on modern political diversity/virtue signaling |

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Overall Tone & Style

Adam Carolla’s tone is unfiltered, direct, darkly humorous, often confrontational and satirical, especially around issues of city life, culture, and politics. Dawson serves as a foil and sidekick, chiming in with quips, affirmations, and facts.

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Useful Summary for Non-Listeners

This episode delivers Adam Carolla’s signature monologue-style comedy with candid, sometimes controversial, cultural criticism. The main thrust is Adam’s surprise and approval of New York’s city management compared to California, springing off into commentary about why some places (and cultures) maintain civic space better than others. The show is peppered with real-life travel anecdotes, backstage media industry stories, and rants about deteriorating urban life, all while lampooning modern political trends and social policies. If you want Adam’s current thinking on American city life, public works, and political dysfunction—with laughs and edge—this is a classic, wide-ranging listen.

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For a deeper dive, refer to the detailed timestamps above to listen to segments most relevant to your interests.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, it's just me and Dawson. I'm going to relive my Gutfeld experience and lots of complaints about life. Dawson's doing the news and we'll do that right after this.

[Mike Dawson]

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[Mike Dawson]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Mike Dawson]

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[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Foreign.

[Mike Dawson]

Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Carolla Show. Today we'll discuss the news with me, Mike Dawson. And now, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on the choice, but get on your mandate. You get it on now. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling the friend. Dawson's gonna hang with me. I got a lot to talk about. And we'll get into the news after that. I was in New York and was doing some shows over there. And you know the thing about New York? I walked a lot. New York is clean. It's not a mess. Los Angeles is a mess.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And New York is clean. And. And I know you don't think of New York as clean, but it is relatively clean. I walked on the High Line, down to the whatever, down to the Village and then crossed or whatever. And Mike and I walked for a lot of blocks. And at some point I just sort of looked around and I said, mike, there's no graffiti or garbage anywhere.

[Mike Dawson]

Now.

[Adam Carolla]

There's parts of New York that are messier than others. But by and large, I walked a lot. I drove a lot. I went from one end of the island to the other. I mean, not one end there, but we're covering a lot of ground, relatively clean and not a lot of. I didn't see graffiti. I see it like pretty well kept up. And what Dr. Drew always says is, you know. Cause he lives here and he lives there or he's got a place there, Whatever he goes. I don't really mind paying my taxes in New York. Cause I feel like I get something. You can walk that High Line. It's nice, it's well kept up. It's not garbagey, it's not graffiti. It's like, you can't have that in Los Angeles. You cannot have nice things. We can't have a bridge with plants on it and lighting and stuff.

[Mike Dawson]

We can have a beautiful drawing of it.

[Adam Carolla]

We're the number one rendering capital of the world. I will put France in the 30s against Paris in the 30s. I'll put their renderings up against our renderings any day. We'll beat them. Now we cannot execute anything. I'll give you for an example. In la, there was this bridge I used to talk about my standup show. We used to pass it on the way to the Burbank airport. So I'd see it every other week. When I was going to the Burbank airport, they were building a new overpass.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes. Is the unfinished. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

The overpass look like it was an old overpass that they're tearing down. So everything here that's new, that's going up like an overpass, you know, they go. They do, they do eight feet a day, you know, they slowly but surely cover the 300 foot span or whatever it is, but it takes three years or whatever it is. It looks like an old one that's being torn down. It looks like it's going the other direction. Looks like it's being torn down, not being put up. Because there's graffiti all the way to the end.

[Mike Dawson]

Because every day they finish work, the

[Adam Carolla]

graffiti, somebody tags it, right? So then you go tag. What's going on with the tagging of everything? And then the garbage everywhere. And so I said to Mike August, does New York have Mexicans? Because I don't think they have Mexicans.

[Mike Dawson]

I think they have like Puerto Ricans.

[Adam Carolla]

They have Puerto Ricans. I don't think Puerto Ricans are as garbage based a culture as Mexico. Mexico's a dirty culture. And you go, what? No, if you go to the Mexican

[Mike Dawson]

part of town, just check out the Tijuana River.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's shit everywhere. Yeah, literal, but also just garbage. Yeah, right. And then people go, these people don't have the money. Everyone has the money to not have a sofa on their lawn. Even the Corollas, with our vast poverty,

[Mike Dawson]

were able to avoid having a sofa on the lawn.

[Adam Carolla]

On the lawn. Now we had a dirt lawn, but. And the sofa probably got brought in the house. My mom put a sheet on it and that was what we used as furniture. But I mean, you don't have to be garbagey. There's no income bracket that makes you take fast food wrappers and toss them out the window when you're driving. You don't have to do that. You don't. The front of your house can look nice and orderly. It's not a money thing. So I don't know, do you think it. But yes.

[Mike Dawson]

Do you think it's a pride thing? I think that maybe more people in New York actually have roots in New York, whereas people in Los Angeles have no roots here.

[Adam Carolla]

Los Angeles is straight and they don't care. It's treated like a rental car. But I still can tell you we have seen the Japanese soccer fans picking up after themselves.

[Mike Dawson]

Love that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, and then we can see other groups from other countries and what they leave behind. There's cult, there's a cultural. There's cultures that are just messier than other cultures. Mexicans are messy. So if you have tons of. Of Mexicans living in your city, then you're gonna have a messy city. And also, who's doing all the tagging? You know what I mean? Like, is this Irish guys, Italian guys, Greeks, Serbians, Jews, Japanese?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Who?

[Adam Carolla]

Koreans, Indian, Bosnians, Bosnians. Like, who are we? Who's doing all the tagging? Okay, so every square inch of LA is tagged. Who is doing the tagging? Do we wanna know?

[Mike Dawson]

Mainly South American gang members.

[Adam Carolla]

Who can we eliminate? Yes. We will say, sorry, Mexico. I'll expand it into a little wider region with Central America. All right, but so who is doing all this? And then what if they weren't? What would it look like? And I'm guessing, like, I don't know if you break tagging down. So everything in Los Angeles is spray painting, is it? Listen, I went to visit my dad many years ago in Pasadena in the hospital up on the eighth floor. They take what I would call. Well, what I would use looks to me like a drywall screw. Drywall screws have a real sharp point at the very end. And you take those, and there's gang shit carved into the toilet seat.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

The soap dispenser has shit in it. The mirror has shit. There is no in the hospital. In the hospital.

[Mike Dawson]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

In the hospital. Also another one I enjoyed when I went and visited my dad on the eighth floor of the hospital in Pasadena. Somebody had decided to discard their huge cheek full of Copenhagen into the drinking fountain, but not wash it down. Yeah, Just left a nice big ball of fucking Copenhagen right next to the drain. Like, literally, if you did do it, you just run the water and kind of push it down with your finger. No, no, just a big old thing of dip. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to say goodbye to my dad for the last time. Then I'm going to check out your fucking discarded dip in the drinking fountain. And then I'm going to look at C14 carved in the toilet seat when I go there. And then I'll make my peace with the Lord, say goodbye to my dad, and go home and kill myself. Isn't there a genital also? Like, what the fuck is up with everybody? Yeah, but. Okay, who's doing all the fucking tagging?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

I'll go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's probably some black gangs, but not really that many. I mean, it's all Hispanic. Something in North Hollywood.

[Mike Dawson]

It's all Hispanic. It's all.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all in downtown. I mean, but who. Who says I need to get a rattle can out and put my shit on the side of the cinder block wall by the side of the freeway? Is that Japanese or is it all right, but is it just troubled youth? Like just a white kid who's 15 and doesn't know his dad?

[Mike Dawson]

It's Egbert. No, it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, here's what I would say. There's some of that, but it cannot be the cause of all of what we see tagged and garbage everywhere. So, yes, there's pride of ownership in New York, but It's a pretty big metropolitan city. A lot of people coming from different places. Well, here on the. And also LA doesn't make any attempt.

[Mike Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So what I'm saying is like New York has trash cans and people doing stuff like cleaning shit up.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, like in Los Angeles you'll notice this, especially in like traffic situations. You'll get someone going 55 miles an hour in the left lane and, and will not move over for you. Now, I take that back to your point from a long time ago that all roads lead to narcissism.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, high beams mean nothing in this modern world. I flip people. High beams. High beams. I was like, everybody's on the island here.

[Mike Dawson]

And I think per capita we have more narcissists in Los Angeles than they do in New York.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true, but you're still talking about culturally, just garbage and graffiti everywhere and no real attempt at clean. Look, all the dumping is 100% Latino. All the construction dumping, back alley, whatever. All right, so enough making fun of them. But I wonder if Puerto Ricans are cleaner than Mexicans in the streetwise game. By the way, everybody wants to chalk this up to income all the time. Fuck you. There's a way to live your life with dignity. That's not messy, it's not garbagey. I used to work with guys, their truck was orderly, their tools were like orderly. They weren't rich, they kept their shit clean and they kept it nice.

[Mike Dawson]

It doesn't cost any money to place things in the garbage can, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Okay, so also it's funny, Gutfeld does the show that I always said we should do, which is the show tapes at 6, he is not there at 5:55, he's there at 5:57. He then does a five minute run through, just cue cards, prompt or whatever, then comes back, then we start. There is no discussion. They email you a list of topics that afternoon. There's no segment producers, there's no let's go over, there's no hear the topics, write back what your answers are going to be. No, no, no. Here's his topics. Do whatever you want with them, then show up, start at 6:05, done before 7 and he's out before 7.

[Mike Dawson]

So there's no long breaks in between to reset or bathroom breaks.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the main thing there isn't is there's no group who are having a producers meeting where you're going over all the stuff ad nauseam. Like that's how we got to get there. 10 in the morning. We got to go through all the material, we have to find out what everyone's answer is. We need a pre production, right? We need segment producers. What's Corolla going to talk about? Here's what he said, let's change it, let's fix it. Everyone just sits down, flies by. See their pants, then they're number one. It's easy, fast and cheap and there's no pressure and it's all fun and it brings out the best in everyone. And it's always what I kind of said should be done but no one would do it. And then I realized, oh, there's so many people whose jobs it was not to do it. Like I could remember Daniel Kellison of the man should be like, you gotta get in early, you gotta get, we gotta talk about. But it's like that's your job. I mean if I say no, if we do it like Gutfeld, you're gone, he's eliminated. There is no staff. People have no idea what it's like behind the scenes of a late night show. It's chock a block filled with people, staff. I mean you go back to Leno, you go back to Letterman, you know, Jimmy Conan o'. Brien, I mean it's all the same, it's tons of people backstage. They have the audience warm up guy and then the sound guy and that's about it. There is no producer. Nobody even greets you or even ask you what you're going to say or anything. There's like a stage manager and he just goes, you're in the first seat, closest you'll be on Greg's left, you're sitting in the one seat and then here's your seat, there's your seat, there's your seat. And then they go, then the mic guy puts the mic on and then they go, all right, here, let's start. And that's it.

[Mike Dawson]

I've noticed one thing about Gutfeld is he always seems to go to that number one seat first. Did he go to you first?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he did. And I will say that I was flattered that when I used to do Match Game with Alec Baldwin and stuff like that, he wanted me the number one slot. He wanted me closest to him so he could bounce something off me. And you know, when you're doing shows like that, you are looking for a good, a good backstop, someone to bounce stuff off of, you know, someone you'll know.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, that's why he has Tyrus and Cat Tim in there all the time. Because those are his, yeah, all time backboards.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you'll put. He'll put. He'll always put me in that number one seat because he knows I'm closest and he's sort of oriented to the left a little. And he'll go, Adam, you know what I'm saying? Right. Like, it's just. But that's what you do when you're in that position. Like when Baldwin's hosting a match game, he wants to bounce stuff off. He wants me sitting there. So I'm always, always flattered. Easiest show in the world to do. Mike and I got there a little early because we had to do another show. We did Kennedy show. We're in the Fox building. And so we're just like, well, we'll just have hang out. Show starts at 6. Mike and I ended up getting there like an hour early. Just throw our luggage down, we're catching a flight afterwards, blah, blah, blah. Show starts at 6, at 5:30. Nobody's there. Wow. There's nobody who works on that show that's there at 5.

[Mike Dawson]

The highest rated late night show on television. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then at some point.

[Mike Dawson]

And it's empty 30 minutes before.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, then at some point there's hair and makeup. And that's for Cat, Tim, Tyrus and Gutfeld's best. I know. Don't even go into hair and makeup. Sure. There's no wardrobe.

[Mike Dawson]

And what are they gonna say to Tyrus? Your hat is a little bit crooked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And they don't tell anyone what to wear or any. There is no wardrobe. I asked. I'd been traveling. I had like this linen shirt that got kind of wrinkled up. And I was like, do you guys have one of those steamers? Can we steam out the shirt? And they're like, I don't know, like, what? You do a late night TV show and you don't have one of those. You can get it on.

[Mike Dawson]

Right. They sell them over at the. At the Target or whatever.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're $121. And you put it in the back and you steam stuff for the. Like, not really. I thought, oh, my God, I love it. Walk in. There's not an ounce of nerves. Or everyone's loose. Everyone's nice and everyone. And soon as the show's over, everyone's gone.

[Mike Dawson]

Literally

[Adam Carolla]

walked off stage. I went to go change just to put some stuff on, sweatpants because I was traveling. And, you know, like, went in the bathroom, came out, no one's there. The guests are gone.

[Mike Dawson]

Gutfeld's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone's gone. He's out. He got there. He was there all Total for less than an hour, all in. Because the commercial breaks aren't done in full time anymore. The commercial break, they turn them right to the next. So the actual amount of show is 44 minutes or whatever it is. So when you don't do the actual full length commercial, because if you do Jesse Waters and he goes to a commercial break, it's five minutes exactly. It's the length of the commercial break. But if you're pre taping, you can squeeze it all in and just flip it and go right to the next segment, which is. So there's like, you know, 44 minutes of actual taping, meaning the show's 15 minutes under an hour. And he's there. He's there less than an hour. I mean, two minutes, less than an hour. But he hosts an hour long late night show and the host is there less than an hour, which is insane anyway.

[Mike Dawson]

But I imagine he's also there all day long because he's one of the main hosts on the Fives. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, he's not rolling out of bed. But I'm saying it's just the way when I used to do loveline in the 90s, that's kind of how we did it. And I would say to the guests all time, say whatever you want, just relax, be, don't worry about it, whatever opinions, shout it out. We'll have a good time. And I kind of got that. It was better to do it fast and loose and in real time.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So to speak.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, I got a question for you regarding that, because I'm always, you know, you get texts from me every now and then, hey, great job on Jesse's show, or something like that. I'm always amazed because you told me that they don't tell you what they're going to ask you. You're hit with a question on the spot and you got to come up with a response that's intelligent and funny. Yeah. Right off the bat. And you're always able to do it. And I imagine on Gutfeld, it's just a lot more of that. Do you ever surprise yourself? Do you ever sit back and say, damn, I'm good.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, glad we had you in studio today. I remember the best. Here's what I feel like. I feel like a guy who wrestled in college and then did a lot of mixed martial arts. And I'm walking into a bar and I'm like, you could get sucker punched or there could be somebody in this bar that actually is a UFC champion or something. But I feel pretty good. That if somebody presented a problem to me, I'd be ready. It would always work.

[Mike Dawson]

Like a Special Forces guy. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like the beginning of Con Air. I think of myself as the first scene in Con Air comedically. Like, I'm always ready to go. And I never really had a moment where I was like, oh, you know, like, I'm good. I also realize, you know, you can choose. I found myself on Gutfeld, like, thinking of some jokes. I've said my act or something, and matching them to this or to that, but I'm always ready to go. One, I think the best compliment I ever got about that was I was at pebble beach doing a show at a theater years ago when I was doing My Race, and I was doing a show, and a guy came up to me and he goes, I'm a writer, and I'm like a comedy writer, and I do tv and I do stuff like that. And he goes, I was watching you on Bill O'Reilly's show, and you said something. He threw a jab out. O'Reilly does it. Hey, Carolla from La La Land. How's it going? Hanging out with your celebrity friends or something? He likes to. He likes to catch you off guard and jab you with something that he's kind of prepared. So he said, and I'll paraphrase, but. He said something like hanging out in Hollywood with all. You're like, starlets and cocaine. And I said, like, since when is. He said something like, since when is meth and hookers turned into starlets and cocaine, Bill? And it was like. It was just like. It was like it was launched and ready. Like, it was, like, chambered for him. And it was some version of that, but it was something just pow. He threw one. It's like, snap, jab, right back, pound and good, you know? And that guy's like, I'm a TV writer. There's no way that was in real time, right? Like, that was worked out.

[Mike Dawson]

I feel the same way.

[Adam Carolla]

That was in real time.

[Mike Dawson]

And that's why at one point I asked you, you got time to prepare for this stuff, right? And you said, no.

[Adam Carolla]

That's just.

[Mike Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

They do. They.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

They.

[Adam Carolla]

They tell you. They go, we're gonna talk about this, we're gonna talk about that. We're gonna talk about the other. But the problem people don't always understand is they throw stuff at you different ways, you know, and they'll throw. Throw stuff in like that you're not really prepared for.

[Mike Dawson]

If you had chambered a few jokes based on the topics they had told you they were going to get through. When you release those jokes, they would sound, they wouldn't be as funny as you think they are because of the entire context of the question that's being directed to you.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And for me, I was thinking like, and something I should probably share with our audience, which is I was kind of thinking on it because a lot of it was Ro Khanna and he's rich too, and he's going after Elon and stuff like that. And so I want everyone just sort of dig this concept. I was trying to kind of lay it out with Gutfeld, which is, here's the thing, you go, well, Liz Warren is worth $80 million and Bernie Sanders has three houses and look at the Obama. So we're supposed to look at Elon Musk because Elon Musk has. He's a trillionaire. And don't worry about the Obamas or Nancy Pelosi or whatever because they're well off, but they're not trillionaires. But you really have to look at the chasm, the chasm between a truck driver or a schoolteacher or sanitation worker or something that and Obama. And then the chasm between Obama's net worth and Elon's net worth is greater. So you go, well, a truck driver makes 75 grand a year and couldn't afford a house in Maui and a house in Chicago and a house in the Hamptons or whatever. But if you just put it on a yardstick, let's just say a 36 inch yardstick, you go, truck driver, that's at one inch. Okay. On that yardstick, the Obamas would be at 7 inches. But from 7 inches to Elon would be 36. Right. Square chasm. But in terms of lifestyle, what's the difference?

[Mike Dawson]

Not much.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's what I'm saying, what Ro Khanna and Obama and Nancy Pelosi and all the Bernie Sanders, all the bullshitters are saying is, look, he's a billionaire. So it's basically like saying, I can go out to dinner every night and I can order lobster, but I can only order two lobsters. Elon can have 38,000 lobsters. Yeah, right. But the truck driver gets a hot pocket, he doesn't get any lobster. You know what I mean? Like you're the Obamas. Fine. What is the difference between your life and Elon's life? And people go, he's got more money than he can spend in a thousand years and a thousand lifetimes.

[Mike Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, you have more money than you can spend in 14 lifetimes. So who cares? You live to how old? 571. You have a house in Maui. You have a house in Chicago. You have one in Martha's Vineyard and another one in Washington. You fly privately and you have an iPhone, and you eat whatever you want, whenever you want, and you always make your bills. So who cares? Once you're living that, like, once you're flying private and hanging out, when you're multiple houses and just doing whatever you want, there's no Ro, Khanna or Obama where they go, geez, I'd really like to see Europe before I die. But, you know, I mean, with the inflation rate, you go do whatever the fuck you want, right? So who cares? Elon has 2,000 lobsters.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Who cares?

[Adam Carolla]

You got one mouth. You can eat one a day.

[Mike Dawson]

See, the chasm that we should be looking at is the ratio and how out of balance the ratio between actual work versus reward. Yes. The truck driver is going to be closer to Elon Musk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mike Dawson]

Than they are to the Obamas or the Liz Warrens because they don't do any work. They just capitalize on a system that they are part of to enrich themselves.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, you're right. Elon is somewhere working while you're going to one of your houses in Maui. And also the truck driver somewhere working as well. All right, other things to complain about,

[Mike Dawson]

by the way, really quick. If Kamala had won your chances of reliving Con Air because you told a joke that could have. You could have been sentenced to prison. It's possible.

[Adam Carolla]

I could see the judge going, you know, Mr. Carolla, with your groundlings training and sharp and agile mind, your brain is a weapon.

[Mike Dawson]

It's a weapon.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not an average thing. It should be registered with the state police, and therefore, eight years in solitary confinement.

[Mike Dawson]

Absolutely no jokes.

[Adam Carolla]

Just for fun. I don't know why. You know, whenever I hang out with August for a few days, I always get a good laugh.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, good. Please.

[Adam Carolla]

He was explaining to me that somebody looked like Jarrett Leto, and I said, jared Leto. I didn't even say anything. I just laugh. I go, but why do you have to mispronounce everyone's name? And by the way, way, it could be Jared Leto. Except for everyone says Leto, he says, Jared Leto. And that's all I know, right? I wouldn't know otherwise. You know what I mean? That's the only reason I know it's Jared Leto is because that's what he says and that's what everyone else says. I do not know. It's kind of a superpower to mispronounce everybody's name.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, the best, especially.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not reading. You understand? You're not reading someone's name tag from a convention. It's only famous people who. We just hear their name all the time.

[Mike Dawson]

Right. My favorite was in the old radio show, I believe August wanted to have Dawkin on, but he calls it Dokin.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. Well, that, that. Yes, I agree. Now that he's reading and mispronouncing and he doesn't. He's not in the scene. I agree. Should know who Dawkin is.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, you get it by the spelling.

[Adam Carolla]

No. You can go either way on Dawkin or Dokan. Jared Leto is. I've never read his name. I just hear Entertainment Tonight. We talked to Jared Leto or Jared Leto and his band or Jared Leto's scaled another sea wall. You know, I just know it's Jared Leto because that's the only way I've ever heard it.

[Mike Dawson]

Maybe he's a big Boss Skaggs fan. He just wants to do the Lido Shuffle.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, I was laughing at Jared Leto. I only laugh because it's a weird. It's a weird. It's a weird way to go through life. To mispronounce everyone's like, consistently.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

It seems like a calorie burner.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So then I had this. And I don't know, my man, my batting average is horrible.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

On.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you understand the thing that I hate the most? Like when people go, when are you at your most uncomfortable? And people go, oh, man, I don't like confrontation or eye contact or whatever. Going slow, being driven slow is me at my most uncomfortable. I'm agitated and uncomfortable. And when I get picked up or driven anywhere, anywhere I'm on the freeway and the people just blow past, just blow past minivans and stuff like that. And my batting average for telling the person who's driving to speed up is zero. Which is a weird thing because they have a digital readout of the time we were. We landed in Reno and we're going to Carson. And the Carson to Reno drives about 30 minutes. But there's two shows that night. We've been traveling for seven hours, believe it or not. Big layover in Vegas. Oh, wow. Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

There's no directs from Burbank to Reno.

[Adam Carolla]

Not on that day. Not on a Saturday.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I am dying to take a nap before the show. So every minute counts. To check into the hotel to get a 45 minute nap. Then we can go to the. Whatever. We're driving an endless highway between Reno and cars. It's just endless. There's nothing there. It's just wide open. Beautiful. And we're in a brand new car, and the dude is just going under the speed limit, like the whole time. And there's nobody on the road. And at a certain point, and I'm seeing cars just blast. Just blast past us. Like, it's weird when you're driving and people are just blasting past on both sides. And I'm not talking about, you know, young kids on rice rockets and guys with squatted accuracy. I'm just talking about fucking minivans just blowing. At some point, we could pass by a boat. A guy is trailering a 20 foot boat. He's trailering a 20 foot boat, and he goes blasting past us. In which case I say, what's the speed limit here? And the guy driving us without hesitation goes 70 miles an hour. I know. Cause I saw the sign and I

[Mike Dawson]

go, why aren't you going in?

[Adam Carolla]

We're going under the speed limit. And he goes, yeah. I go, we should always go above the speed limit. And he's like, all right, something. And then we continue to go below the speed limit for the remainder of the trip, which is like I'm sitting in the passenger seat and I'm telling you, go faster. And it's an open highway, by the way. Not a cloud in the sky. Five in the afternoon. Clear, visible, nothing. No alteration.

[Mike Dawson]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

How?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how that. Yes, go ahead. You stood your ground at the hotel, though. He wanted to take you right to the venue. Right at five for mic check. Mike check. I love the comedy. Mic check. We'll get there. Five for the mic. I got. Yeah, I'm taking a nap.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, on the way home, I said to him, you got to pick it up, man. You got it. So this is.

[Mike Dawson]

This is a. This is not a way there.

[Adam Carolla]

This is just not an Uber. Not an Uber, okay? This is a white dude driving slow. And I told them to speed up. And I've told everybody, just speed up. And they're like, oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, O'Reilly Auto Parts. They offer helpful service, and they offer parts, too. And knowledge. Everything you need to repair and maintain your car. When I'm stuck. And I got a car problem, O'Reilly. So it was my first call, and now I'm prepping a car for a race coming up. So I need. O'Reilly. They got thousands of parts and accessories in stock, either in store or online. They'll test your battery for free and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find just the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the professional parts People at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, friendly. I'm always going in there and if there's something I can't figure out, they figure it out. I feel much better when I'm done. And they're last time I was there, the guy held the door open for me. They're gentlemen. The one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourselfers and you can find what you need either in store or online. And it's O'Reilly, right?

[Mike Dawson]

Dawson Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam Sheath.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh man, I hate being on camera in a bad pair of underwear because it's all you can think about. And that's why I go with sheath. I just got back off the road. I took my sheath underwear with me. Especially good for working out. Features a true dual pouch design that keeps everything separated. It might be the greatest technology developed in this century and I don't use hyperbole. It reduces skin contact, sticking and discomfort. And I wish I had these when I was working outside for a living. I would have been so much more comfortable. It's made with ultra soft, breathable fabric like bamboo and classic cotton. I wear these when I'm on stage because I feel good. I wear them when I'm doing my podcast or working outside because I want to be comfortable the whole time. It's sheath, right, Dawson Feel it to believe it.

[Mike Dawson]

Go to sheath.com Adam and use code Adam for 20% off. And sheath even offers a first pair guarantee. So if it's not for you, you get your money back. But honestly, once you try these, there's no going back. That's S H e a t h.com adam and use code ADAM for 20% off. Sheath the underwear of legends. Thanks to Sheath for sponsoring this episode.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Mike Dawson]

Dawson While you're checking them out, claim your free entry to the Speed Club sweepstakes. They're giving away a 1 gram hot wheels gold bar plus a massive grand prize. The 10 gram 24 karat Gold Hot Wheels bar. Both come in official collector packaging and they're up for grabs right now. Start stacking for just $30 at getacregold.com Adam that's getacregold.com Adam subscribe today.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

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[Adam Carolla]

They don't say, by the way, you know, you know what name my next book's going to be. No one ever says no. They just don't do anything I ever asked them to do. They don't go, no, I'm not going to speed up. They go, all right. And then we go 68 miles an hour for the rest trip. I don't know how these people work. I don't know why it's uncomfortable. I'm sitting next to you saying, speed up. We're being passed by boats.

[Mike Dawson]

I feel exactly the same way. I have this anxiety right now just putting myself in that position. But I have said to so many Uber drivers, very passive aggressively, but more aggressive than passive. I say, you know, you're going to have to drive at least the speed limit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, at least the speed limit. The speed limit is basically like when they go, you know, you take the SATs, you get 800 for just signing your name on it. That's the bottom. That's the lowest. That's the speed limit. Is like take the speed limit and then add 10 to 15% to the speed limit. That's just a baseline speed. We're not speeding yet. No, but when he sat next to him and told him to speed up. Not doing it.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah. Just gives her the old smile and nod. Yeah, that's a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Andrew, you can tell me, how did he react? He didn't really say. Told me at some point, cops hand out a lot of tickets or whatever. I said, not, yeah, my dad gave

[Mike Dawson]

you one for going slow.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

There was the Mentioning of wind resistance.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

Pushing against the car, slowing it down, that sort of thing.

[Mike Dawson]

It was a wind tunnel at play.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

There were a lot of excuses.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, anyway, we did not crack the speed limit.

[Mike Dawson]

My God.

[Adam Carolla]

Dying to take a nap. Okay? And by hence why I don't like being driven places, because everyone's so fucking shitty. Also then I don't know where you guys. I'm kind of new to Uber. Everyone around me Ubers and I jump in with them. But I have to do some Ubering on my own. You tell me where you guys would come down with this. I'm coming out of New York. We got a flight, it's going to land at LAX at midnight. We land about 15, 20 minutes late. We're going to our gate, gate 14, and the pilot says somebody else is parked at our gate. So what we're gonna have to do is we're gonna have to go around to like 2:47 at Bradley International. We gotta go the International. Once we get to the International, there's an open gate. We can get off in the middle of this huge international airport. It's basically empty. And we can walk the entire length of the international airport and then get onto a bus, right? And then the bus will take us back to our gate or wherever, and then we'll go to the baggage carousel that forced us to check our bags, even though we had a duffel bag that we could have shoved up in the thing.

[Mike Dawson]

So wait, they don't change the carrot. They still have to put the bags. They can't run the bags through the same terminal that you park in.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we have to. No. Oh God. Well, no. You park the plane in one, you get on a bus, you drive to another, and the other's where the baggage is. Anyway.

[Mike Dawson]

That makes so much sense.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a hassle. But let's put it to you this way. By the time I get my bags and everything, it's about 1am and I'm like, fucking lax. You gotta. We're all the way at the end of the airport. God knows how I'm getting to the Uber lot at lax. So I hit Uber and it says Uber Black to pick you up at the airport. 195 bucks for a 30 minute Uber ride. Maybe 35 minute Uber ride. I just look at it like the one under it is 60 bucks. But it's 1am I've been going for. I mean, it's 1am our time, which is 4am where I just got. I was in New York. All I'VE been doing is traveling, work it all fucking day. And I have to get up the next day and go to work and I'm like one 95 bucks versus 60 bucks. Like I, I was willing to do 95 versus 60, more than 195 versus 60. But on the other hand, what am I? Choice? Fucking stagger in the general direction of the Uber lot, Get stabbed out there or something. Find an uber there at 1:30 in the morning, you know, so I'm like, yeah, all right, fuck it. So I just hit the Uber black to come pick me up at the terminal, by the way.

[Mike Dawson]

And they're the black cars, they're able to go into the terminal. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's, that's the rub.

[Mike Dawson]

Kind of worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the rub. That's the rub. But I've done it in the past and traditionally the blacks are like 25% more, 30% more or whatever. Not triple, Right? They got you by the fucking short hair. Now I take my $195, no traffic, middle of the night, 35 minute Uber ride, $195.

[Mike Dawson]

Jesus Christ.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I get into my house and the thing pops up. Tip. What do I get? 18%, 20%. 25%. Well now, hold on. I'm going to tip the guy 50 bucks on a $195 ride. That was 30 minutes. And then also I don't know how Uber works, but what's he getting off of that ride? Because the best I far as I can tell, he's up with Mark Garagos in the billable hours department. That guy just made, somebody made 200 bucks for 40 minutes worth of work. And now on top, there's a tip for that guy.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you do 25%, he's going to get another 50 and this ride's going to be 250 bucks for a 35 minute ride. So what does he get from Uber? Because I'm like looking at the tip thing going, if he just gets a standard $20 fee, then I would like to tip him. On the other hand, the tip is based off a percentage and the percentage is so fucking high for the short ride, right? So long story short, I just hit 18, which was the lowest one, which I don't like being the lowest one guy. But this already cost 195 bucks for a 35 minute ride.

[Mike Dawson]

You can go lower. Just enter custom tip and throw them 10 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, it's too fucking.

[Mike Dawson]

I don't like the percentages of tips.

[Adam Carolla]

It should be I'm with you, but what. Who does? You kids. What's going on, Chuck? How's Uber work? You must have driven Uber.

[Mike Dawson]

I have never driven Uber, believe it or not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you seem like you would have done that.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

I've been down bad enough to do

[Mike Dawson]

it, but I got rejected.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew it. Why'd they reject you? There's too many people.

[Mike Dawson]

There's too many people applying to it

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

out here in the Valley.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. All right, all right. So again, I don't know.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Look it up.

[Adam Carolla]

It's 100. Look, if this guy gets 125 out of the 195, then I don't need to tip him. He had a pretty good run.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, but.

[Adam Carolla]

But if Uber's pocketing all of it and I don't know how it works,

[Mike Dawson]

I don't know how it works either. But one thing I always do at lax, I don't. I don't bother with that lot. With the. With the whatever, the Uber yacht. I always. As soon as I get out of the terminal, I find the very first hotel shuttle, jump on my shit. Jump on the shuttle, get to the hotel, and call an Uber from there.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So they don't. They don't check.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Once you hop that shuttle, you just get out of the airport, dropped off in front of the Radisson Inn on whatever, and call it. That's what I should have. Yeah, you're smart. Should have done that.

[Mike Dawson]

And then the black, I would be curious what the Uber black fees are from the, you know, LAX Hilton as opposed to LAX terminal.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna go on a limb and say cheaper, but here's the cheaper. Well, but here's the thing. I would not get black. I would just get Uber anything. Have a guy pick me up at a fucking prius and pay 45 bucks versus 195, me and a giant Denali just sitting alone.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, the other thing, too is, does the guy get out of the car and load your bags? That's a big part of tipping for me. If you're just sitting in your car while I pick my heavy bags up and throw them in your car, not getting a tip.

[Adam Carolla]

I just opened the side door and throw him in and run, like, right, let's go. I was in so such a hurry.

[Mike Dawson]

And then the other thing, they do too, and what they're supposed to do with the Uber black, they're supposed to have. I don't know if they're supposed to have cold water, but they're supposed to have water.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, they offer it to you. All right. Tips on Uber. I don't want. How does Uber get paid? I'm not asking about tips. Why do you think I'm talking about tips completely?

[Mike Dawson]

Well, it does say you get 100% of your tip.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's the guy. Well, I figured you get your tip. I'm asking how does Uber work? Right, Andrew? I keep saying I paid 195 bucks. I want to know how that works. How's the guy get it?

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Tip.

[Adam Carolla]

I assume they get the tip or I don't care. But the question I am asking, what's

[Mike Dawson]

the percentage that they are taking home on every ride? God. I would say it's even because Uber. I'd say it's. I'd say they get less than 50%. That'd just be a guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Passenger pays 20, driver gets 10 to 14. Uber gets 6 to 10. So passenger pays 50, driver gets 25 to 35, Uber gets.

[Mike Dawson]

So, okay, so a little less than 50%.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a bit. I mean, it's more. Yeah, it's less. It's. I don't know, significantly. I'll say 100 bucks. Surge pricing. I think the guy picked me up. His name's serge. That is 45 to 70. So it's half to 70% and Uber's getting 30% to half.

[Mike Dawson]

This rough breakdown doesn't make any sense, though. Driver often receives 40 to 70% of what the passenger pays before tips. Uber often keeps 30 to 60%.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, you can find 100% in there somewhere, right?

[Mike Dawson]

Well, yeah, I mean. All right, and the 60 and the 30 and the 70, but here's my.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's my. All right, now, I know what you're saying, but here's my point. This guy, off of this $195 ride, got somewhere between 90 and 140 bucks for less than an hour's work.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So he doesn't need to be. He can get his $10 tip and still do. Okay, but it's fine. Not the end of the world. But the moral of the story is Uber isn't pocketing the lion's share of that 195 bucks anyway. I always picture my dad. $95 to get back from the airport. That's two houses, boy. All right, so I got a bigger subject to get into. I will say this. On an airplane. We were on this flight for. I mean, we're in the plane for. All in all, in almost seven hours. In the plane, JetBlue, the snacks, the Snacks. Plantain chips. Plantain chips taste like cardboard with a little bit of salt on it. And nothing. Like, if they had a sack of barbecued lays or ranch lays or sea salt and vinegar, whatever, you'd been fucking hog heaven. And if they had a sack of peanuts or cashews or something. Plantain chips. Plantain chips just taste like shit. Like, and I have always said this, if I ever ran an airline, I'd be like, look, here's my snack policy. I'm not telling you what to buy and I'm not telling you what the snacks are. I am telling you this. If nobody would eat this on the ground, I don't want it on my fucking airplane, right? If somebody brought plantain chips to your super bowl party and you had one, you. You'd ball up the bag, you'd throw it at the person and you'd tell them to leave. Like, it is that fucking bad. There is no. You can go to any truck stop, any 7 11, any quick E Mart, and you can look all up and down the shelves and you'll never find a sack of plantain chips. You'll find 122 offerings from Cheetos, Cornyons to Corn Hunts. You will never find a plantain chip because they taste like shit and nobody wants them. And maybe that's part of their policy. But I literally open the sack, I had one bite, and I was like. And also, how high a bar, financially is a sack of lay's barbecue chips? Like, when you buy in bulk, you know what I mean? Is it 18 cents a bag? Like, what is it? Oh, it's also like, why?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

What year is it? What year is it? What year is it that we need plantain chips in the sky? This is the same with your fucking Fiesta Mix. No one wants Fiesta Mix. Nobody on the ground has ever eaten Fiesta Mix. Only in the sky, which is essentially a prison. It's basically like you going, you're trapped. You're not going anywhere. You think you're going to go to the corner and get some fucking. Some ranch flavored corn nuts. You ain't doing it, bro. You're trapped in this aluminum prison and we're giving you plantain chips and Fiesta Mix and no one fucking wants it. Find me. What is. Look up JetBlue plantain chips.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Also.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. So let me just say this. There is a part of the cuisine world where people just go, you know, they go, I like pepperoni on my pizza. And I go, I like sausage, but I'm. And I like mushroom okay, like, I get it. I taste a slice of mushroom pizza. I go, okay, that's, that's pretty good. And then there's like room, like you can go, like, I really, you know what I like? I like the barbecued chips. And then someone will go, I like the vinegar and salt ones. That'll go, yeah, this is pretty good. And then the other one likes ranch flavored or whatever and the other one wants the original kettle chip or something. And I go, I get it. There is no one who tastes a plantain chip and goes, yeah, this is my. That's. This my jam. Right? That's nobody. There's nobody. I could have walked up and down the aisle of that plane and asked every human being on it if they liked plantain chips. And the answer is no. If you said, if you did a thing, if you did a power ranking, you did Doritos. Every flavor of Dorito, whatever, Jalapeno, zesty, Ranch, original, whatever. You went through the entire Dorito family and then you went through the entire lay's chip family, and then you went through the entire just snack family. Like, I'll include Bugles and pretzels and everything. Corn nuts on that. Plantain chips would be at the bottom. There'd be 172 things it wouldn't. We'd run out of room on the list.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

JetBlue serves chiffless plantain chips as part of their complimentary unlimited in flight.

[Mike Dawson]

See, a lot of them, you can

[Adam Carolla]

have a lot of. I had one half of one chip and went, fuck that.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I handed the sack to Mike and Mike ate it. And Mike was like, Michael eats stuff that tastes horrible, but just because he's eating it, you know, he's like, yuck. These chips are vegan, they're gluten free and they're kosher. Certified snack sourced from Miami based, family owned brand of fucking homicidal escaped war criminals who are out to poison Americans. The fucking boys from Brazil, they moved to Miami and they came up the plantain chip, okay, it's so bad, but I think it's effective because nobody reaches for a second sack of that.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Mike Dawson]

Well, you know the. When you can.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, you know what they had, they did have, they had goldfish, which I haven't really eaten since I was 9.

[Mike Dawson]

I would go for it, but I

[Adam Carolla]

sat there and found myself eating goldfish because the next choice was plantain chips. That tastes like. But it's the worst thing you can say about something. They taste like Nothing. Yeah, there is not. What is the ingredients of plantain chips. Mashed up plantains and some tears.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, that's all of a child.

[Adam Carolla]

The tears of a child.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Mike Dawson]

There's nothing worse than being hungry on an airplane too. And that's your offering.

[Adam Carolla]

Tastes like.

[Mike Dawson]

It's like that sweet potato fries. Whoever orders the sweet potato fries is an idiot. And that's the same mentality that they're doing with the plantain chips.

[Adam Carolla]

I will argue this. You are right. But sweet potato fries are at least something. I don't. They're not better than a French fry. You never need them instead of a French fry. But there's something. Plantain chips are nothing. They don't taste like anything. They. All they do is make a sound of a chip.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no fucking flavor to them at all.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, it's essentially bananas, right? A banana chip.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but a banana chip is better than a plantain chip. And I like plantains.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't taste like plantains. They just. They're white.

[Mike Dawson]

It's like nothing. They just cardboard.

[Adam Carolla]

They just taste like nothing. So that was awesome. All right. Also had a funny. Mike also. It's funny. It's funny. So I'm very calculated with things, but no one around me really knows that I'm calculated. So they think I misspeak or I mean something else or I did something. Like they try to. They'll do a lot of stuff, like, with me, like they'll go, like, I'll go, you know, I'll say like, what time's the show in Vegas? It'll be like 8 o'. Clock. And then I'll go, okay, so see, what time should I make my flight? And they'll go, well, you gotta make it for before eight, you know. Cause you gotta get there before.

[Mike Dawson]

Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let me write that down. Yeah. Okay. I think about everything. Do not worry about me and the thing. So Mike and I, we red eyed it out to New York and had an event in the morning. Ooh, yeah, that's tough. And so we landed in Newark, literally like 7:30, 7:45 in the morning.

[Mike Dawson]

And you can't check into a hotel that early, can you?

[Adam Carolla]

You can if your hotel's Dr. Drew's condo.

[Mike Dawson]

Ah, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So we checked into Dr. Drew's condo at, you know, 8:30, 8:45. And I was able to get almost an hour worth of nap because I didn't sleep on the plane and then get up and get ready and we were walking to the venue which was about a 15, 20 minute walk. And I was like, oh, God, man, I've been up all night and I gotta go speak at this venue. So I walk in and we pass a coffee shop, just I don't know what in New York, not a brand name place. And I just gotta grab some coffee. So I get a coffee and because there's no regulated cream, like when I go, I'll take off just a little splash of cream. So it's like. And then you get this beige colored, luke, lukewarm, cream filled, whatever. Yes, because they can, they can't regulate. And by the way, a little splash of cream, that's either a lot of cream or a ton of cream. Whatever it is, it can't be calculated or regulated, so. And they won't leave the thing out that you can put up do yourself. So now we're walking to the gig and I got a cup of coffee and the ratio's all off. Tastes like cream. So we're walking, I'm drinking, I'm fucking tapping up all night. And we get to the gig, and when we go into the gig, there's always the woman who works at the gig. Hey, you're here.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's your laminate. Let's get you up to the theater. We're gonna get you up on stage. You need water, you need whatever. And the woman says to me, she goes, you need a coffee? And I go, yeah, yeah, I need a coffee. Now I'm holding the water down, milked down, one in my hand, right? And I still almost full. And I go, yeah. She goes, how do you like it now? I like it with some cream, but I got too much cream. And I'm gonna say black. Cause then when I get. I'm gonna ratio it, I'm gonna go, fucking, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna Frankenstein it together, right? So she's walking behind me, we're walking to the thing. Mike's walking behind me, and she goes, how do you want that coffee? And I go, I want it black. And she goes, okay, because I'd done. I did this whole calculus in my head in real time. And as she's walking away, Mike goes, black with cream. Which is funny because I don't know what black with cream means. I think that just means whipped cream,

[Mike Dawson]

but it doesn't mean anything.

[Adam Carolla]

She's like, waved and walked away into the dark. And I was like, fuck. But I didn't care enough to go after her.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Sure, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was interesting in that I had done the calculation Mike, who knows? I order my coffee with a splash of cream. Figured I just was out of it.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But I wasn't. I was the opposite of out of it. I calculated it and said it and he came in and cleaned up for me. And then I got another over creamed coffee to sit. Oh. At that point I just had to laugh. But it was funny. And also it's funny that yelled black with cream because that's a weird one. Yeah, that just means with.

[Mike Dawson]

We had talked about this too before. I believe when you order a coffee with cream, you should be able to pick a color that you want that coffee to look like.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, yeah. Mm. You're right. You're right. Because there is no.

[Mike Dawson]

First off, because I judge all my coffee on the color.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this. Innovation, breakthrough. Yes, yes. I don't do that with coffee. I do it with culture. But I do judge everyone on their color. Yes, I'm with you. How about this, everybody? Coffee people. Andrew's coffee, dude, he likes it black. Not an issue. Let me say this at the fucking airport now. God damn. Remember when being a bartender used to be being a bartender?

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you have to fucking stand there at the airport. They have the booze bottle with the fucking wire on it. Not the jigger. The wire on it. That only lets you.

[Mike Dawson]

I thought that was only in Salt Lake City.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they'll do it at a lot. A lot of airports will have the jigger, please. Others, many airports just have the. You turn it upside down and like an ounce and a half comes through and then they dump it in, right? With cream. Get that shit out of the airport and put it on the fucking cream thing. Because you holding up a carton and slopping it. You're fucking loser. GED ass. Who's going nowhere. You holding up and slopping it in the top is nowhere near a calculation, right? And it's never going to be right.

[Mike Dawson]

And about a shot of cream in what would be a large coffee at Starbucks is about correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the whole thing. Once it was quantitatively decided, once you knew what one shot was, then you could go two shots. But you know what the one shot is and the person doesn't have to hold and guess. And by the way, when you do the quart of cream with the cardboard thing, it always just slops, right? It always slops. So we take all those regulators out of the bars at the airport because I want that guy freehanding it, heavy pour and bring it to the coffee shop. All right? We'll take a break. Come back. Dawson's got the news right after this. Chime Chime is changing the way people bank. This is fee free banking built for you. They're not like traditional old banks that charge you overdraft and monthly fees. They are built for you, not the 1%. Chime members can benefit from up to $1,150 in annual rewards fee free and you can get 5% cash back on your Chime card in a category of your choice like gas or groceries. Man, I wish I knew about Chime back when money was super tight for me. It would have helped me out a lot and that's why I'm glad to have it now. And I want to make sure you guys all know about Chime. Am I right Dawson?

[Mike Dawson]

Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. Head to Chime.com Adam that's Chime.com Adam it only takes a few minutes to sign up.

[Adam Carolla]

Chime is a fintech, not a bank.

[Mike Dawson]

Banking services from MyPay and ChimeCard provided by Chime's bank partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges, stated annual percentage yield and cash back for Chime. No minimum balance required.

[Adam Carolla]

Checking account ranking based on the J.D.

[Mike Dawson]

power survey published October 20, 2025. For more information on APY rates, my

[Adam Carolla]

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[Mike Dawson]

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[Commercial/Ad Voice]

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[Mike Dawson]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Hey, it's Dan from Wisconsin for the deathbed audio.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if it was originally

[Mike Dawson]

in there, but throw the low battery

[Adam Carolla]

fire alarm beeping in there, please.

[Mike Dawson]

It's gotta, it's gotta make its presence get it on. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

Lots of voicemails about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we'll have to to do it if we haven't already.

[Mike Dawson]

Throw in the smoke alarm chirp.

[Adam Carolla]

That could be misconstrued somehow.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, of course. Gas powered.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what was interesting? I'm thinking about this. So by the way, don't write anything on the screen about the Malibu vlog. I'll remember that one. Malibu vlog is out. We'd done two of them. Andrew did a wonderful job. We went to Jake Steinfeld's house under construction in the Palisades and walked through it. So I was doing, when I was doing Gutfeld, I was hanging around backstage with one of the coolest guys who's ever been on this show. Rob o', Neill, the guy who killed bin Laden. Right. He's coming back. One of the most riveting hours we've ever had is him just walking through every step of killing bin Laden, that whole story. And he's a good talker. He'll come back on and we'll revisit a lot of that stuff and they'll be Very, very soon. So he said, I don't know if you have me with the nail gun at Steinfeld's house. Jake, Body by Jake. It was kind of funny. Martin Cove was in here. He'd go, body by Jake guy would come over in the morning and work me out. And I was like, yeah, that's what Body by Jake guy was, the celebrity workout guy.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So the. So Rob o' Neill was saying, you know, movies that get tactics wrong and do shit wrong drive me nuts.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, he goes, I don't know what movie, but there was a sniper and they fired the thing off and then they showed him do a bolt action, like, pull it back. And it's like, that wasn't a bolt action gun.

[Mike Dawson]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And so I go, I know. You know what drives me nuts? Every time the guy moves the pistol, it makes a pistol sound. You know, like he holds it up, you know, Then he turned it sideways and makes another pistol sound. It's like he's not cocking it. He's not doing anything. It's just a Glock. Why is it making a mechanical sound every time, you know, then someone else comes to the room and they go, chung. You know, it's like it wouldn't make a sound unless you'd fire it or you'd load it or caulk it or whatever, or chamber or whatever. But it wouldn't just make a sound because you moved it.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And pointed it at somebody.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But anyway, I said to Rob, I go, okay, you go nuts for any ballistic anything, any tactical anything, any. That's your field of expertise. I go, I go nuts with any construction stuff, right? Like, I see the guy, he's on the construction site.

[Mike Dawson]

Lethal Weapon.

[Adam Carolla]

We're framing. Yes. And the guy's got a finish hammer instead of a framing hammer or whatever. It is the wrong tool. So I said to him, now where our two worlds collide is Lethal Weapon, right? Lethal Weapon. He did use that framing gun as a weapon, but he fucked up because he held it up and he fired it at the guy. He didn't pull the safety back and fire it. You have to depress, right? You know how fast you'd get sued if you just made a nail gun that you could just pick up? And if a guy pick it up and it just shoot.

[Mike Dawson]

Think about the guys on the construction site. You're going to tell me that they're not taking shots at each other every now and then?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, that's how I learned.

[Mike Dawson]

You pull the.

[Adam Carolla]

You reach up, of course, you Reach up and hold the end of the nail gun and slide it back. It's a pressure thing and that releases the trigger. But in the movies they just pick it up hard. But I also explained to him that's why the guys that are good when they're framing and they're nailing off plywood or something every six inches, they just hold the trigger and they go pop, pop. They hit it right. Pop, pop, pop, pop. So you can go pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. You don't hold it, push it, pop, hold it, push you to go pop, pop, pop, Right? But then I realized as I was explaining him, me and Jake Steinfeld standing on the roof of his 10,000 square foot home. By the way, it's pretty fucking amazing. By the way, 30 dudes framing. I found a black guy. I found a black guy. A black dude on the crew. There was one black dude. There are 35 Mexicans. But I did find the one black guy. And I was talking to the foreman. He said, yep, we got one. He proudly told me, one black guy. And then what he said, and two white dudes. I was like, this is progress. All right, so here's me and Jake. But you can see how I fire this gun. Sorry. Go ahead. Or you could toenail it from the side. Let me try toenailing with this.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

All right.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I'll be careful. You got, you got where you want?

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to hold it down.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

Is that good?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. Now we're on the road.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

There is. I held the trigger in it. That's how you do. Right? But that's why Lethal Weapon is fake. Cuz you couldn't just pick it up and fire it. Right. And by the way, believe me, I've learned from the construction site, no rifling in those nails when you pick up a framing gun. And even like I did, hold the trigger back, hold the safety back and fire it at a guy 12, 15ft away. Fucking thing flies out sideways. It does not fly with the sharp end. It just flies. It gets sideways and you just get hit with a sideways nail. Yeah, it's like someone took a nail, put in your hand and just throw it, throw it at you. That's okay. It's not whistling toward you and you'll get hit with the pointy end. Yeah, sorry.

[Mike Dawson]

I. I'm the same way in movies when it comes to live musical performances or anything to do with radio or audio engineering, I will look at something and I'll just drive me Nuts. That does the math doesn't work on that. That is not the science.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's how it works. When you know something, you have a field of expertise. I have a field of expertise.

[Mike Dawson]

Remember my buddy Doug Lo left a boom. The guy who infiltrated the Taliban. And ala I sat down with him and watched like CIA movies. He won't shut up the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. This never happened.

[Mike Dawson]

That guy's supposed to be a spy. I would pick him out of a

[Adam Carolla]

crowd in half a second. It doesn't bother you if it's not your field of expertise. But it's like, everyone has a field of expertise. Like Chuck.

[Mike Dawson]

Never watch a cooking movie with a chef.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Chuck.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're watching a movie and there's a guy just sitting around eating, doing nothing, you go like, that's so fake. Like, do you fucking write a letter? Do you go like, there's no way you would lift the Cheetos with your left hand? That is a rookie.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

I have done that for baseball movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, baseball. When someone is watching. Sitting and eating. Watching baseball.

[Mike Dawson]

Eating a hot dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Eating that hot dog properly, he'd use two hands. No, you know baseball. You have a field.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You would watch a baseball movie and go, that's some bullshit right there. Yeah, right, okay. Trying to think of Andrew, but I can't. Nothing's coming to mind. Like, you see a movie where a guy's riding his bike to work, are you like, that's so fake, bro. No way would he stop at that four. That's a four way stop. The helmet's not even cinched down. Andrew wrote watching gay porn. That's funny. Andrew's funny. All right, all right. So anyway, those are [e-mail], they're pretty interesting.

[Mike Dawson]

Very cool.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what do we got? Well, first of all, how was the

[Mike Dawson]

weather in New York? Hot.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that was the other one. That was. Yes, it was hot. It was hot and humid. So it was making me laugh because Mike was on the phone with his wife when we were in Drew's Whatever. And he's like, 104 degrees? Yeah, man, it's 104 degrees. And I was sitting in the other room. It's not 104 degrees. It's hot. It's not 104. 104.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah. Especially with that humidity.

[Adam Carolla]

It got up to 93, but I then heard Mike tell 11 people it was 104 degrees outside. But I realized he just made that up. He just. Well, he wanted it to be hot. He wanted it to Be a good story. It was uncomfortable enough at 93 in humid.

[Mike Dawson]

Incredibly uncomfortable because of the humidity mostly. But New York socialist mayor seems that he wants people to roast in hot apartments. And he put out this tweet recently. New York, it's hot out there. And the power grid is working overtime to keep us cool. Set your AC to 78 degrees, turn off lights, electronics you're not using, and unplug what you can. Our city is doing its part, too, maintaining the 76 degrees in our buildings.

[Adam Carolla]

Unplug what you can. Like, I don't. Does anyone do that? Like, hey, man, get under there and get that garbage disposal unplugged.

[Mike Dawson]

They call it vampire pow. It's not.

[Adam Carolla]

No one does it. No one does that. No one does that. Also, it is weird that as human beings, it doesn't make sense to be wired this way. Huge difference between 70 and 78.

[Mike Dawson]

Big difference.

[Adam Carolla]

Big difference. It shouldn't be. 70 is sleeping all the way through the night. 78 is tossing and turning.

[Mike Dawson]

That's not. And 78 is not even cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And horrible, by the way. The problem is they now have all these studies where you need to be cool to sleep. Like, optimal sleep temp is like 67 or something.

[Mike Dawson]

Minus 69. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I realized the reason I never slept as a kid, I was always on a fucking service porch with no insulation, no air conditioning in the San Fernando Valley, just fucking tossing and turning all night. So also in 2026, when Los Angeles and New York City, two of the biggest cities in the world in 2026 are like, let's unplug those toasters, people. We got a rolling. Brian. Like, shouldn't you have some infrastructure in 2026 that can support this? Huge cities that you charge tons of taxes.

[Mike Dawson]

The two people charge the most taxes, granted, probably more taxes than anywhere in the entire world. Are begging people to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the way, Los Angeles does this all the time. And then announces by 2030, we're going all electric cars.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah. Good luck.

[Adam Carolla]

Good fucking luck. With the grid part. Elon could produce the cars. You can't do the grid.

[Mike Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

But anyway. All right, so.

[Mike Dawson]

Unbelievable. So people are pissed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mike Dawson]

I'm curious because, you know, growing up in California, anytime I heard somebody say, you know, it's hot out in California. And someone would say, yeah, but it's a dry heat. I never understood that. What that was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

Until I worked an event in Orlando.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

In the middle of the summer.

[Adam Carolla]

Understand?

[Mike Dawson]

And you walk outside and you're soaked in 20 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

It also became sort Of a punchline for comedians in the 80s, right.

[Mike Dawson]

There's a lot of dry heat humor.

[Adam Carolla]

When you were. Last time I was in. When I was in Miami with Dave Rubin, like, three weeks ago, I literally walked out of the hotel and my glasses went boom.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Fogged over both. Like, one of those cool. One of those cool windows where you could hit a button for privacy and it would just go pink and you could take a shower behind the thing and hit the other one. Like. Like, literally, they just fogged right over, like, immediately.

[Mike Dawson]

And there's almost no chance of a cool breeze coming through in New York, is there?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was. We walked a lot. It was warm. The last time we were there, we're below 20 degrees. Like, it was, like. It was, like, zero. It was huge freezing. It was, like, quite the contrast from the last time we were there. But, you know, all the cars have air conditioning and all the buildings have air conditioning, and, you know.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah. Can you put that tweet up one more time? I just want to see what it is at. Now, at one point, the responses to the tweet greatly outnumbered the likes. But that's 25,000 responses.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everyone's jumping on it.

[Mike Dawson]

And anytime someone responds to your tweet, they're not agreeing with you.

[Adam Carolla]

No. But, you know, I really don't know why he even bothers with this shit, because what percentage of people are going to unplug their computer or turn their AC up to 78? Like, I don't know. All you're going to do is get fragged for it and no good shall come of it.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what else?

[Mike Dawson]

All right, well, J.D. vance said in a recent interview that he believes that aoc, not Gavin Newsom, will be the next presidential nominee for the Democratic Party in 2028. When AOC was asked about this, she gave a strange little answer which may be telling you. Tell me.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

J.D.

[Adam Carolla]

vance just said in an interview that he thinks you are going to be the leading Democratic candidate for president in 2028.

[Mike Dawson]

What's your response to that?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you know, I hope you.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

He is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'll say.

[Mike Dawson]

So she thinks she can beat him, first of all. But I think she know. I think she likes that. Number one, she likes it. Number two, she wants it.

[Adam Carolla]

She's not that bright. So when she gets put on the spot, her brain is like, think of something pithy. Think of something smart. Think of something. Equip. A smart quip. Pithy, pithy, pithy, smart, pithy quip. And then after 30 seconds goes by, her brain's like, I got another. And he's like, I hope he does. I hope he does, like, sassy girl, junior high girl stuff, right? And then it's supposed to come across as smart or pithy or quip or something, but it's really not that she's just a fucking insane narcissist. It is. We're living in the time of the narcissist and the female narcissist, and it's fucking off the hooks and it's ruining our society. Like, I'm a. I'm a queen, baby. No one can touch me. Like, okay, all right, that's not the perfect beast. That's not what we want for governing. Right, but all right, she's a. She's a dope, but in a narcissist. But other than that, she's a delight.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, the more. The more that all this Newsom stuff keeps getting uncovered and we're slowly watching his demise, which is thrilling.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mike Dawson]

Because, you know, no one outside of California or New York, even the super liberal people in the middle of the country do not want California policies nationwide.

[Adam Carolla]

No, nobody wants California policies because they fail and they're super expensive. And it's always kind of interesting to me that it's like, why do you want some version of something that we know doesn't work right now? Listen, I don't wanna make this whole show about plantain chips.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, go on. But we haven't had enough yet.

[Adam Carolla]

If somebody said to me, I know plantain chips fucking suck, and I agree, they do suck. I have a version of a plantain chip that's different. I'd go get the fucking Doritos and they'd go, hold on. This is your plantain chip. But it's better and it. Well, it's different. It's my version of that plant. And then I would go, are we out of lay's barbecue potato chips? And they go, no, that's the other side. That's what they're running on. Okay, then give me those.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, same thing with socialism.

[Adam Carolla]

And we got a different version. I got a different. Yes. They've tried the plantain chips all over the world for many years, and there's a lot of people that hated plantain chips. And nothing worked because they didn't do it the way I'm doing. Going to do the plantain chip.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I have my own version of it. It's a new version. I want you to meet my friend Bernie. He's an 86 year old old Fuck. Who's never fucking made a chip or done anything in his life, but he signed off on my plantation chip. And I got no bunch of people that have never fucking run a business who've never worked around a plantain chip. They got ideas, actually, if we could just get Elon to give us a little more funding, we could get a better plantain chip.

[Mike Dawson]

Absol.

[Adam Carolla]

And my thing is like, we have Doritos and we have barbecue and we have ranch.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, but those are racist.

[Adam Carolla]

So we're good.

[Mike Dawson]

We're good, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And the thing is, it's like, don't you want to try my new plantain chip? And I'm like, no, not really. I really don't. Let's just go back to the barbecue, right? All right. Podcasting isn't just about talking. It's about growing, engaging, and monetizing. And that's where Podcast one Pro comes in. Whether you're an independent creator or a major brand, Podcast one Pro gives you the tools you need to take your podcast to the next level. We're talking about premium hosting, advanced analytics, dynamic ad integration, and expert distribution. All designed to maximize your reach and revenue. Plus, with access to Podcast one's industry leading network, you'll be connected to top tier advertisers and a massive audience. It's time to go pro and turn your passion into profit. Visit podcast1pro.com to get started today. Podcast1pro, the power behind the podcast.

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[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

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[Adam Carolla]

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And so much more. For Showtime's press. Nothing. They're free 24. 7.

[Mike Dawson]

That is so fast.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

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[Mike Dawson]

My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop. From the lens of artists and handmade objects, I chose Shopify because When I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you is it doesn't have to be be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com. well, to see the recent crime stats in Los Angeles that were released, they're saying that every single crime category is way down.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's two things. One is nobody reports any crime at all in Los Angeles because why would you bother, right? If your car got broken into or you got your laptop stolen or anything, right? Why bother calling the cops? They don't even fucking show up anymore.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, in the case one, number two.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, wow. Well, maybe rounding up a bunch of illegals helped.

[Mike Dawson]

Hmm, good, good, good. Possible answer. The other one is maybe they just got rid of most of the police force.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's true too.

[Mike Dawson]

Who's, who's going to arrest people for the crimes? This is where they did on LA's metro system, which is probably the worst public transmit in the transit in the entire nation. City buses have become rolling. Homeless shelters with drugs and feces. Trains are rolling platforms of murder and mayhem.

[Adam Carolla]

I, we took the subway in New York. I turnstile hopped.

[Mike Dawson]

Did you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Street cred to the ace man. Mike bought a pass for me from the kiosk. Electronic one bought one for him. Hit. Scanned his gate open. Mike walked through, scanned mine. Nothing. Scanned it again, nothing. Scanned it on one next, nothing. Mike was standing on the happy side. I was in with General Pop and he's like, look at me and went, why isn't it working? I just paid for it right there I go, I don't know. Yours worked, mine didn't work. And then he walked four feet to the left. There's a gate with a push on it. He just swings it open. He goes, all right, well this come through here. And I was like, well I bought a ticket so I guess I can. But also I'm not sure why there's a pay for turnstile. There's eight of them and four feet to the left is literally the gate where you just push it open. And then I was just one of me. But 400 people could have just walked through there. I don't know. They film you. I don't know what they do, but I just did that and walked in and then I was on a train that was a little bit crowded, but everything was fine and had to fucking deal with this. There was a dude, middle aged guy dressed in a suit who seemed all right and like kind of a Hispanic Y chick sort of with like a tattoo and no sleeves or something. And she was sitting. Everyone's kind of packed together in the train. They still have. They've had subways for over 100 years. They've not figured out how to stop the train without two jerky motions.

[Mike Dawson]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it's a weird thing, right? That's all they. You think there'd be a way to slow the train down in a linear fashion that just came to like every single stop sign or light you ever come to in your car. It'd be like, almost like. It's like if you're being driven by Uber or a cab. And their policy was, before I come to a red light about 12ft out, I stab it once hard, and then we kind of coast in. Like, it's like, why not just feather it on? Like, it's weird. It's like the weird jerk move and then it'll free flow and then you stop, right? It was always a move that moves you a little bit. Like you. There's no such thing as you just standing there sipping off a coffee. You will fall over.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. This guy did the move. Like, you know, it's jostling. It's a fucking subway. It's crowded. And the chick who's between me and the dude in the suit, I guess the dude in the suit, like got jostled, pushed or something. And she's like, hey, come on, man. It was like, we're in a subway, everyone's packed together, it's jostling around. And then gate, you know, then door opens, it's her. Stop. He's not going anywhere. And she's like walking off. She's like, come on, asshole. And she like gets. I'm like, first off, how delicately wired must you be to bring this wherever you go with a complete. Another context. We're on the subway, it's crowded, the thing's moving around, the guy's got his hands by his side. It's sort of like rubbed against her. Yeah, anyway.

[Mike Dawson]

Anyway, whatever. That's narcissism again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mike Dawson]

Between 2020 and 2025, though, crime in LA metro system is more than doubled. What drove the change was their dedication to creating an equitable transit system where all Angelenos, drug addicted, homicidal maniacs included, could effectively ride free without consequence. Activists and their allies in the city government have spent years laser focused on driving cops from Metro's buses and trains like that. They argue, of course, that making people pay to use the trains is racist.

[Adam Carolla]

That, by the way, is a huge insult to any black or Hispanic person. By the way, the notion. Yeah, I brought it up. The free transportation part.

[Mike Dawson]

Like, you should pay for something. Like it's a racist.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you what poor people do. They take the bus because they're poor. They don't take the bus because the bus is free.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

They take the bus because they don't have a Land Rover. That was. I was poor my whole life. We couldn't get a ride. During the summer we take like three buses and take like four hours to get to Santa Monica. So we go to the beach. But we just did it because it was cheap enough that we could, we could do it. This thing of like, we need free buses and free. I'll tell you what it is now it's almost free.

[Mike Dawson]

In a world, it's essentially free. It's the change in your couch.

[Adam Carolla]

In a world where I'm walking through Manhattan, I bought a cup of coffee. It was like $7 and a fucking 50 foot Uber ride is 80 bucks. Like in a world where I bought a pizza in Malibu, it would just be my son and a salad. It was 61 bucks. Like, in a world of everything's fucking expensive. Expensive subways and buses are almost free. Yeah, ostensibly. Like, I don't even know who. Okay. If you need to take the bus. Like, they're poor people. I'll tell you. The poor people take the bus. You know who takes the bus? Number one rider of the bus in LA are cleaning ladies.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Cleaning ladies do not live in the neighborhoods they're cleaning.

[Mike Dawson]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

Cleaning Bel Air and Malibu and La Canada and Pasadena. They don't live there. But they're hard working. But they don't own cars. Maybe their husband drives a truck and does construction. They take the bus.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And they take the bus pretty well. And sometimes the rich white chick who lives in Bel Air picks them up at the bus stop and drops them off at the bus stop, but they just take the bus. Now they take the bus and it cost them four bucks. And then they get 200 bucks for cleaning the rich lady's house. And some of that goes to the bus and that's. Some of it goes to lunch. Like, that's how life works. Who is taking the bus that makes zero money? I mean, I guess college students, but they're in College. So that's a luxury right there. Like, I had to work when I got out of high school. I had to support myself. So who really is taking the bus? Like you're taking the bushes, Right? Because beside homeless people, you're taking the bus to work, which means you have a fucking job, which means you're getting at least 20, 25 bucks. I mean, the lays that clean the house get 200 bucks, and it takes them three and a half hours or 250 or whatever. They're making 60 bucks an hour.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, it all started apparently, back in November 2016, where the Labor Community Strategy Center.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. Imagine how much money they've gotten from us. And what's come out the other end?

[Mike Dawson]

Well, they filed a civil rights complaint claiming that L. A Metro was systematically targeting black writers. Black writers, they alleged made up less than 20% of the writers, but received at least half of all the citations as a remedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they did this with jaywalking there. You know that. Well, what we do because we're an equitable society is we let black people commit large portions of the crime, and then in order to fix that, we just make whatever they were doing legal.

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So we go, too many black guys.

[Mike Dawson]

Math scores.

[Adam Carolla]

Too many black. Yes. Too many black guys are getting jaywalking tickets.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, make it legal.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I would argue they should be double fined, especially at night. I mean, come on, brother. Think I'm gonna see that now? You give me a ginger, I may spot that. What, a black dude at night? Nope. Yeah, so what we do is we have things blacks are engaged in at a much higher proportion than. No, no, no Jews or Asians. And then we don't like the optics of it. And then we decide that somehow cops are handing out more jaywalking tickets to black people. Not that black people are jaywalking too much, by the way, whenever they do those studies about people getting pulled over by race and stuff, it always blows the fucking lid off of this shit. It always turns out to be bullshit. It's all bullshit. But hey, let's coach up blacks not to do stuff that we don't want them to do versus making whatever they're doing legal all the time. I don't think it's yielding great results for blacks.

[Mike Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

But anyway.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, this. This lawsuit proposed that Metro remove all police and fare collection staff. That there should be an immediate end, all fare collection. So it just started to snowball. Then Metro took over fare enforcement duties in 2017, removed those duties from law enforcement, and then, you know, they had the green shirted ambassador staff. That didn't work good. Those people got beat up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, the plan was is let's take folks without guns and badges and give them a vest and tell them to be negotiators.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they get beat up by fucking hopped up homeless person.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mike Dawson]

So essentially it all goes back to how these crimes. Crime is all of a sudden down in Los Angeles. Lowest it's ever been. Well, if you remove the police force.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mike Dawson]

From a high crime area, obviously crime is not going to be reported nor enforced. And thus you're going to get the numbers you want. Crime is down. Yeah.

[Commercial/Ad Voice]

Everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything they do is some sort of retarded reverse engineering that never works.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You brought up Tesla scores. Like get rid of the test scores. Look, you'd have no kids held back from one grade to the next grade. If you just changed a policy to every kid gets pushed forward to the next grade, you'd have a market success. It used to be 10% didn't go from the fifth grade to the sixth grade. Now it's 100% because you don't hold anyone back. But that doesn't help anybody.

[Mike Dawson]

And the consequences are real and we're feeling them.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, in California recently, you'd think there would be some common ground between Republicans and Democrats when it comes to the repercussions of sexually abusing children. Yeah. But thanks to Wiener guy, Scott Wiener, a bill that would have prevented anyone on the state's sex offender list from serving in any public office in the state was just let fail because. Because this guy, Scott Wiener, wanted to make sure that those convicted of sex crimes against children were exempt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. And he also had one a few years ago where if you knowingly had AIDS and had sex with somebody else, it was criminal. Do at the criminal. Well, here's the part I'm interested with. All right. Scott Weiner, you love chugging cock. That's your raison debt. That's what you do. When you close your eyes at night, you think about chugging cock. When you wake up the following morning, you think about chugging cock.

[Mike Dawson]

It's like that Night Ranger song. Close your eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you dream about chugging CoC.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I have things I like as well. I like vintage Datsun race cars and I like Graham Parker. But if you elected me into office, I wouldn't go like, okay, proposal Tuesday the 27th, that's Graham Parker day.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

People would be like, all right, well, we want to deal with potholes and homeless people. Hold on. I talked to some guys. I think I can get Graham Parker to play our festive. We have our summer festival. I think I can get him and the rumor back together. Also, I spoke to a friend of mine. He's got Datsun 510s. So I want to do a thing where we make a flag with a Datsun 510. Like a BRE. Like a race car. And we fly that in front of the Capitol and it's like, no, no. We want you to do governing things. Not everyone is into Graham Parker and Datsuns and not everyone loves chugging cock all day. And everything you do is about. I went down to Pete's Coffee and I made sure they had the gay flag. We're not interested in that. We have. We're interested in schools because we have kids. You chug cock. We have families. And then we elect you to do non cock related stuff.

[Mike Dawson]

Non cock.

[Adam Carolla]

But you don't. You're obsessed with all cock related stuff.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel the same way with the fucking Somalis or whoever the fuck you are. Go ahead and do it on your own time. Yeah, and the same with your Trump derangement shit. I don't elect you to go after Trump. I like you to fucking do the schools and the subways and the potholes. Could you do a little of that? So Newsom, leave Trump alone. Scott Wiener, stop thinking about cock and start thinking about policy. Thank you. But he.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, he essentially killed the bill that would have banned sex offenders from running or holding any office, including school boards. But now, and I mean, good, good for the. It's like, it's a. It's a. There's no good that comes out of this. But Esmeralda Sonia Soria, who came up with the bill when Scott Wiener came in and said, well, we gotta, you know, do this cutout for child sex offenders. We, you know, let's cut them out of it. She's like, like, no, I'm not negotiating this. And then the. Everything just died. That's so nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect. Good.

[Mike Dawson]

Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what we want

[Mike Dawson]

anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

The seventh is Graham Parker Day, though.

[Mike Dawson]

That's good. That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna see if I can get a flag.

[Mike Dawson]

And Datsun 510day is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Juneteenth.

[Mike Dawson]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not into black people, but I like Datsuns.

[Mike Dawson]

Beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Is there a clip here? Hear it.

[Mike Dawson]

This is potentially a very dangerous road.

[Adam Carolla]

We're going down to say that minor

[Mike Dawson]

crimes are going to ban you for life.

[Adam Carolla]

For Running for office, that we live in a democracy where people get to

[Mike Dawson]

run for office, including people who have

[Adam Carolla]

a lot of flaws. Like. Like molesting minors. Yeah, those are the.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, that's a pretty big flaw.

[Adam Carolla]

They had flaws. It's a way of life, Dawson. You don't know about it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta get back to thinking about chugging cock.

[Mike Dawson]

Right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

So thank you for this quick interview in the halls.

[Mike Dawson]

Anybody can take this guy seriously. I don't understand. It is the Trump derangement.

[Adam Carolla]

We love it in California because he's there because of the cock chugging. He didn't.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, no, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we elected him.

[Mike Dawson]

That's his qualifications.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's so funny. They turn it into some sort of deficit that they overcame. Like, as a black woman, I still. No, you're only here because of that. Karen Bass is the mayor of Los Angeles because she's a black woman, not

[Mike Dawson]

in spite of it because she's a black lesbian.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. Yeah, right. She is overcome. Right? So that's what we get. The era of us getting people and people of color and the sexual proclivities and the lesbians and the cock chuggers of the world in the positions of power is. We're going to. Historians are going to look back on that and go, what the fuck were

[Mike Dawson]

these retards thinking in the name of diversity? Yes. They're going to look back and go, what the fuck?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right. Do you have one more?

[Mike Dawson]

I do. Over in Wisconsin, a transgender activist and former campaign volunteer for a Democratic congressional candidate called for deadly violence against Republicans and vowed to unleash a trans jihad against the animals in the MAGA movement. In a series of unhinged videos on social media.

[Adam Carolla]

People are. It's like, oh, we'll play it.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, let's see.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, hey, hey. Here. And we're going to make this the

[Mike Dawson]

modern position for the state of the republic. I need your help because we have

[Adam Carolla]

one month to do this.

[Mike Dawson]

So let's do it. See, again, that person wants to make it. The moderate position of all Democrats is kill Republicans.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, and. And. And the. The idea of a trans jihad, that's so backwards on so many levels, because the jihad would never include transsexual people. They would be the first to go.

[Adam Carolla]

We're. We're just way over the Rubicon now. Also, listen, if you're. We're always surprised, like, that trans guy shot up the school. That trans guy called for this. That trans guy happy about Charlotte.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're trans, you're basically nuts. So why are we surprised? You think you're fucking chick when you have a dick?

[Mike Dawson]

So it's a mental disorder.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. You could argue, let's say this, Dawson. Dawson thinks he's a woman. Adam, I think I'm Napoleon. I think I'm saner than you. You can make the argument for me thinking I'm Napoleon because he had a cock and balls. I'm actually. I could make the argument for me being saner than you. So you're insane. So why are we surprised at anything you do?

[Mike Dawson]

But society is just backing up the insanity that this person says. Whereas they would all say, well, you're obviously not Napoleon.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But Dawson's obviously a woman. All right, this week, coming up in Vegas, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, three big nights, two shows each night. Lots of shows over at Kimmel's Club. Oh, man, I'm gonna be fucking laying it down out there. You can go to AdamCoral.com for all the live shows. Huntington beach, man. Sea, Lakes at the beach. That'll be July 25th. That is a good place to watch a show. Adamcarolla.com Dawson, what do you got?

[Mike Dawson]

On July 25th, I'll be at the Aliante Casino and Resort outside of Las Vegas with Rich Voss.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike says it's Vos.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, right. And Jim Florentine, who says it's Florentine. And Don Jameson.

[Adam Carolla]

He says it's Don Jameson.

[Mike Dawson]

That's right. All right, follow me at Dos Angeles for all the details.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, Adam Crawford.

[Mike Dawson]

Awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Dawson saying. Mahala.

[Mike Dawson]

You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see the Ace man at AdamCorola.com.

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Hello, and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorite secrets are landing all summer long. Catch. Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

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That's what I'm talking about.

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[Mike Dawson]

That is so fast.

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On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. Hello, and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites secrets are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman. The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

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And so much more for showtimes. Press Nothing. They're free 24. 7.

[Mike Dawson]

That is so fast on Pluto TV stream.

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Now pay never.