Adam Goldberg + Brad Williams (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: "Adam Goldberg + Brad Williams" (Carolla Classics)

Air Date: July 4, 2026
Podcast Network: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
Main Guests: Brad Williams, Adam Goldberg
Co-Hosts: Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, Gina Grad
Theme: Classic Fourth of July episodes, comedy, storytelling, and memorable interviews

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Episode Overview

This "Carolla Classics" episode revisits some of Adam Carolla’s funniest and most memorable moments, focusing on Fourth of July-themed episodes and fan-favorite guest appearances. The highlights include raucous tales from Brad Williams about getting mugged in Brazil, Adam Goldberg’s insights from filming "Saving Private Ryan," discussions about family, parenthood, and Adam's signature comedic takes on American pop culture, movie reboots, and social trends. The episode is rounded out by audience Q&As, discussions on marriage, nostalgia, and laugh-out-loud moments dissecting everything from serial killers to Monopoly tokens.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Classic Carolla Show Banter & Fourth of July Traditions

• (03:23–08:14) Adam and co-hosts open with Fourth of July greetings and classic quick-witted banter about family dynamics, envy-turned-rage, and the peculiar tradition of adult sleepovers at parents’ houses.
  • Adam Carolla (07:56): “Going to parents' house, sleeping over... With his lady friend for a pool party. My rage is born of envy. It starts as envy and turns to rage... It's my own pain turned outward.”

Inside the "Making Movies" Tech Process

• (06:06–07:18) Adam details movie-making logistics, technology hiccups, and his notorious inability to manage even simple digital tasks—mocking his reliance on staff for tech emergencies.

Fertility, Doctor Visits, and Medical Brochure Oddities

• (16:15–30:52) Allison Rosen shares updates on her fertility journey, including awkward (and hilarious) details about blood draws and uterine procedures, while Adam riffs on the absurdity of medical marketing and puns.
  • Adam Carolla (19:34): “When in doubt, when it comes to medical brochures, you have women jazzercising in a swimming pool...”

Sperm Clinic Hijinks

• (21:06–25:50) The crew delves into the awkwardness of sperm donation, turning the process into a comic dissection of male vs. female biology, including Adam’s historical tendency to overthink timing and "session reputation."
  • Adam Carolla (22:43): “You could literally go to the Holocaust Museum and produce. There's no doubt about it.”

Movie Reboots, Franchises, and Hollywood Math

• (39:17–45:41) The group discusses movie industry trends—why studios endlessly reboot, recycle, and seek "known quantities"—and bemoans the lack of original blockbusters.
  • Brian Bishop (45:23): “Inception is a totally original idea... but it's so incredibly hard for these big companies to do that with unexisting franchises.”

Loveline Nostalgia and Comedy Discipline

• (46:36–53:06) Adam reminisces about "Loveline," noting the lack of laughter from co-host Dr. Drew and producer Ann, contrasting it with Howard Stern’s on-air camaraderie. A classic Adam Carolla–Jimmy Kimmel prank story makes an appearance.
  • Adam Carolla (49:31): “No one would ever stop—never, never... Call Jimmy Kimmel. If I lay this out, you'll get a laugh.”

Brad Williams: World Cup Mugging and Brazilian "Hooker Safari"

• (54:08–65:52)
  • Travel Horror Story: Brad Williams details his trip to Brazil for the World Cup, including being mugged (as the Brazilian consulate predicted), cleverly using a decoy wallet and fake phone stuffed with explicit photos for the thief.
  • Brad Williams (66:30): “All my cock. So he has nothing but cell phone but dwarf cockpits...”
  • Prostitution Culture: Comic observations on identifying sex workers amid Brazilian supermodels, culture shock, and economic humor about "hooker pricing."
  • Adam Carolla (61:23): “Like, I'm 30 and my idea of a good night is going home, watching a movie on Netflix, and beating off and going to bed.”

Discussing Serial Killers and Public Fascination

• (96:33–104:45)
  • Analysis of the cultural phenomenon around attractive serial killers, the "sexy mugshot" internet craze, and societal double standards.
  • Allison Rosen (96:38): "Is there a disproportionate number of good looking serial killers?”
  • Adam Carolla (96:43): “Yes. Because when you look like the guy from the Hills Have Eyes, it's hard to get runaways to go back to your apartment.”

Audience Q&A with Adam Goldberg

• (111:51–131:01)
  • Adam Goldberg shares stories from "Saving Private Ryan," discussing boot camp misery with Vin Diesel and Tom Hanks, artistic insecurity, and the balancing act between acting, directing, and music.

Hilarious Romance, Pranks, and the Dixie Chicks

• (147:33–171:13)
  • Adam recounts being pranked by Jimmy Kimmel while being courted by Natalie Maines (Dixie Chicks), complete with mysterious gifts and a six-foot sub sandwich, only to learn his coworkers orchestrated the whole thing as a gag.
  • Adam Carolla (162:53): “Gently used panties in the drawer. ... And Jimmy says, 'Call her right now. She’s a psycho. You call her right now.' ... He's standing on his desk with a camcorder...”

Shotgun Seat & Social Rituals

• (121:39–127:53)
  • A debate over who gets to call “shotgun,” the origins and political correctness of childhood car rituals, and how sibling rivalry fuels dangerous behavior.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Envy and Family Dynamics (08:39):
  Allison Rosen: “Anger does stem from that.”
  Adam Carolla: “You’ve shamed me. And now it’s turned to rage. But it’s really more of an... my own pain turned outward.”

• Sperm Donation Humor (22:43):
  Adam Carolla: “You could literally go to the Holocaust Museum and produce. There’s no doubt about it. I don’t know a guy…”

• Movie Industry (40:00):
  Adam Carolla: “Movies have become more of a business and more of an international business and internationally owned business than any of those other conventions…”

• Brazilian Mugging Prep (55:02):
  Brad Williams: “They said… you should have a fake wallet and a fake cell phone on you for when you get mugged. Not if you get mugged. When you get mugged…”

• Sexy Serial Killers (96:33):
  Adam Carolla: “When the guy looks like Ted Bundy, you’re like, whoa, nothing wrong with that. ... All the money’s going to the victims of 9/11.”

• Jimmy Kimmel Prank (168:09):
  Adam Carolla: “Our receptionist panties. That’s why when you’d called everyone into the office and you’re doing a weird like fire eater routine with the pen… that was Angela. Those were Angela’s panties.”

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Highlighted Segments (Timestamps)

• Fourth of July Sleepover and Family Envy: 03:23–09:04
• Making Movies, Tech Mishaps: 05:06–07:03
• Fertility, Medical Comedy: 16:15–30:52
• Sperm Clinic Antics: 21:06–25:50
• Movie Reboots and Franchises: 39:17–45:41
• Loveline & Comedy in Radio: 46:36–53:06
• Brad Williams Mugged in Brazil: 54:08–66:30
• Audience Q&A: "Saving Private Ryan": 111:51–131:01
• Dixie Chicks, Jimmy Kimmel, and Prank Lore: 147:33–171:13
• Debate: The "Shotgun" Car Ritual: 121:39–127:53

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Tone and Style

As always, Adam leads with his signature blend of sarcasm, self-deprecating humor, and irreverence, riffing on topics from childhood trauma to American nostalgia. The guest banter is lively, off-the-cuff, and laced with inside jokes—creating the familiar feeling fans love.

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Summary for New Listeners

This Carolla Classics installment captures why "The Adam Carolla Show" remains a cult favorite: it's an unpredictable, joke-heavy journey through pop culture, personal stories, and absurdist observations—all peppered with celebrity anecdotes and unfiltered takes on sex, movies, and society. Whether it's Brad Williams outwitting muggers in Brazil, a prank war with Jimmy Kimmel, or dissecting the peculiarities of family, technology, and American customs, this episode is full of bold laughter and brilliant storytelling.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brad Williams]

They're giving away a 1 gram Hot Wheels gold bar plus a massive grand prize.

[Adam Carolla]

The 10 gram 24 karat gold Hot Wheels bar. Both come in official collector packaging and

[Brad Williams]

they are up for grabs right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Start stacking for just $30 at getacre

[Brad Williams]

getacregold.com Adam that's getacregold.com Adam subscribe today

[Adam Carolla]

Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

[Gina Grad]

My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. Twas a lovely suv, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

[Podcast Announcer]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 17 years the Adam Corolla Show. If you'd like to get access to the Adam Carollo show archives as well as The Adam and Dr. Drew Show Archives and the newer podcast Beat It Out. Make sure to check out Adam Carollo's [e-mail] sign up subscribe Listen ad free and you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com Note we cannot play any material from Loveline nor from the Adam Carola Morning Show. Some of that material was played on the podcast where they're doing live commentary over it. If you have one of those moments in mind, we can actually play those. But otherwise, if you want more information on Classic Loveline or the KLSX Adam carolla show from 2006 to 2009 that precede the podcast. I remastered both of those shows. You can come find me on patreon.com Giovanni if you have any questions or want more information, that's where I do all the work. All right, let's get to the clips for this episode. It's all going to be themed around 4th of July episodes right before the 4th or right after coming up first we have Adam Kurilla show 1360 with Brad Williams, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop. Check it out.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Hello and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch. Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Men in Black, one through three.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Mean Girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Shut up.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Titanic.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the king of the world.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

And so much more. For showtimes, press Nothing. They're free 24. 7.

[Gina Grad]

That is so fast on Pluto TV.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Stream now. Pay.

[Adam Carolla]

Never got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate. Get it on. And a happy 4th of July to you all. Good day. Allison Rose.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Tim, your website is bunk.

[Brian Bishop]

A few people wanted that from yesterday. J. Moore's indictment of Rotten Tomatoes. Your website is bunk.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, he was good on this show. He's always good on this show.

[Allison Rosen]

But not good at Rotten Tomatoes, which made me feel better, even though I was still outstandingly bad and worse than he was. But he was more on the me side of things than the you winners side of things, don't you think?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. You've definitely found a kindred losing spirit in Jay Morgan.

[Allison Rosen]

It feels good.

[Brian Bishop]

Congrats.

[Allison Rosen]

I know we do love company, us miserable people.

[Adam Carolla]

We gotta talk to Matt the Porcelain Punisher. And just a couple of few. First off, thank you so much for spreading the word and telling everybody about the whole patent troll thing and helping us out. There's more to. Spoke to Costner yesterday. He's going to join the fight with us and we're going to bring him down. So thank you so much and thank you for supporting us in general. And again, telling a friend, spreading the word, that's about all we got. But we got a lot of it, so thank you. I said, now what happened? What I do is yell. Yell. I go on weekends. On the weekends, I watch cuts of the two movies I'm working on and make notes. But they come in the form of a thumb drive and you can download them. There's two ways you can upload, download, or sidelink them or whatever it is.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a discussion I never thought we'd have on this podcast. You were explaining the tech angle of making movies.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it hasn't happened yet.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna bring it around because it Takes a significant amount of time to download this thing. And you don't want the editor.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a huge file. He's a huge file.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't want times two movies. You don't want the editor sitting around watching his computer. You want him to do it when he leaves, he hits the button and then he goes home. And then it takes place overnight, unfortunately. The following morning, it needs something other than me walking in and a guy saying, delivery for Mystic Rolla and then handing me this thing. It needs you to move a mouse and click on something, and then you can pull it out in the form of a thumb drive. I will fuck that up. There's no doubt. I will fuck that up. So, unfortunately, while I'm coming in on Saturday to grab the thumb drive, somebody else has to come in on Saturday first and click the mouse and then I can grab the thumb drive.

[Brian Bishop]

Because you need the movie on the thumb drive to see what the editor has done.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, it's not. It's not a day's work for anybody. But somebody on their day off essentially is gonna have to get up, go over to the shop, open the shop, put it on the thumb drive, and then go back home. And I feel bad making people do that, but I narrowed it down.

[Allison Rosen]

But not that bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Not that bad. Well, I gotta watch your fucking movie and I'll screw it up if I do it myself. So. And, you know, people are in the neighborhood. It's get up, go there, do it, turn around, come home. It's probably an hour door to door. So I said to Andrew, who's the kid who's working on the Newman doc. I said, well, this one's between you and Matt Fondelier. As to who's going to be working an hour on the 4th of July.

[Brian Bishop]

This is come in, click whatever button needs to be clicked to get the movie onto the thumb drive for you to come get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I left Andrew and I said, matt's close enough. He's got a good attitude. I think I can handle this. You can probably stay home. I'll hit Matt. Well, I hit Matt. Matt's got plans. Gonna be out of town.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Guess. Guess what. Matt doing a bowl convention in Fresno.

[Allison Rosen]

Him and helicopter party.

[Adam Carolla]

He's getting the Platinum Brush award.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, the brushy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like a scepter. Yeah, he's getting, like, a scepter, but now it comes with a holder, too.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like a key to the city. It'll clean any toilet.

[Adam Carolla]

Toilet paper sash they put over Him.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a dispenser.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. It's a proud day for me and my family. So speaking of his family, he said he was heading out of town. So I said. With his lady friend. I said where are you heading, Matt? And he said what? Actually I think I just stared at

[Brad Williams]

you and gave you a knowing look like you already know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Going to parents house, sleeping over.

[Adam Goldberg]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Going to sleep over at his.

[Allison Rosen]

At your parents house?

[Brad Williams]

Yes, correct.

[Adam Carolla]

With his lady friend for a pool party. Not a pool party, just a day of pool recreation with the family, mom

[Allison Rosen]

and dad and the girlfriend.

[Adam Carolla]

Knowing my dad, there will be some party element to it as well. But I, I said and I meant it that my rage is born of envy. You know what I mean? It started you.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's ripe.

[Adam Carolla]

Understand that it starts as envy and turns to rage when I think oftentimes

[Allison Rosen]

anger does stem from that.

[Adam Carolla]

You've shamed me. And now it's turned to rage. But it's really more of an.

[Allison Rosen]

It's your own pain.

[Adam Carolla]

It's my own pain turned outward. But the notion of going over to your folks house as a, you know, adult with a girl. I'm holding my fingers up in quotes. The idea of me going with my girlfriend to sleep over at my dad's house so we can chill by the pool the next day.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Lynette would be confused.

[Adam Carolla]

First off it sounds like oh, why don't we just take a moped to Mars? That sounds more like feasible. There'd be less questions asked by Lynette if I said why don't we just grab a moped to Mars?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean your stripper girlfriend would move in with your grandmother.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, but they were out of town when my stripper girlfriend moved into their house. And you gotta realize there's a rich tradition of Corollas leaving and going to the grandparents house and flopping. When my dad left my mom, it's unclear who left who, but when my dad, when they left, moved out. Yes, when they left, my mom stayed in the piece of shit house that she was flopping in. In North Hollywood that was owned by grandparents is allegedly a rental that has to do. He went to the grandparents house, which are her parents and flopped out in their one bedroom.

[Allison Rosen]

So that has to do with flopping, not owning your own property and abandonment and breakups which is in the Corolla wheelhouse. Whereas this whole Fondelier thing, this is like people who enjoy each other's company.

[Adam Carolla]

I was hoping.

[Brian Bishop]

How far away is this again, Matt? How Is it like a day trip? What is.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it's like 40, 45 minutes or so. It's not too far edge of town. Sleeping over. Sleeping over though, in your old bedroom? Well, same house, but no, not. We have a bonus room, extra room, boner room. The sleepover. And hold on a second. First off, I was laughing with Matt because I said, you know, when my parents broke up, there were no assets, there was nothing to divide. The assets were my dad took his ass out of the house and set it in his fucking Volkswagen. That was the asset that my dad left with when. At age 41 when they broke up, that was his asset.

[Brian Bishop]

He was slow playing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Setting his ass in his Volkswagen and driving to her parents house two blocks away. Show you literally didn't have to get on a freeway. Just drove down side streets, went to the parents house and slept in the den. Fucking awesome. Oh man. Now why the sleepover tonight? I understand the pool party tomorrow. Well, definitely tonight also means free dinner tonight with the family. And also means what might you be eating tonight? That's a great question. Hopefully we'll go out to dinner somewhere. That'd be nice. Maybe a little tap on. Dad's paying, all right.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus that means hot tub tonight. With as much booze as we want to consume. And not have to worry about driving with just you mom and your girl.

[Brad Williams]

Yep, just the four of us.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Fondelier stew, hot dove.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam's like the cuckolded husband who's asking the wife all the painful details. So it hurts more. What are you gonna eat tonight? Are you gonna be in the hot tub?

[Adam Carolla]

Was Lucius cut or uncut? Yeah.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna be a great, great weekend. Oh my God.

[Allison Rosen]

Now let me just get something clear. At any point when you're asleep, when you're, you know, in bed in your parents house, do you begin to be overcome with rage over something that happened when you were 14, like happens to me or is this whole thing like a vacation?

[Adam Carolla]

It's truly like a vacation.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's nice. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't get bent out of shape over the tiniest thing and you don't suddenly think I'm reacting like a teenager.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say if I spend an extended period of time with my parents, like, you know, we go to Mammoth

[Brad Williams]

every year for like a week.

[Adam Carolla]

Toward the end of that week it gets a little much sometimes. Tired of you wearing his Wilson shoes.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Snow all over these things, son. Come on now. But notes, it's actually a lot of Fun. You know, it struck me it's kind of weird because this is basically the relationship that all my Jewish friends have with their parents. But none of the goyim I know have this with. Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

[Gina Grad]

My champions. I have sold my chariot on Carvana. Twas a lovely suv, an inexplicable, inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

out where to watch MeTV.

[Adam Carolla]

Free over the air and on cable, satellite and select streaming services. METV is memorable entertainment Television evening.

[Brad Williams]

Buyer's remorse.

[Adam Carolla]

Buy a new car. I'll be moving in. Let's get started.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

You what?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's no.

[Gina Grad]

No Buyer's remorse. More like buyers rejoice.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it.

[Gina Grad]

Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our 7 day return [e-mail] their

[Adam Carolla]

parents and is not Jewish.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yes, sir. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Then it struck me. Well, Allison's Jewish. But your parents made a mistake. They should have told you you were a Jew. And perhaps you could have been enjoying this afterlife with your parents as well. This payback for not you thought you're one of us.

[Allison Rosen]

I will behave as a goy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You raised me as a goy. Now you're gonna get the same shit I give my parents.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Matt, how old are you?

[Adam Carolla]

I will be 30 in September.

[Brian Bishop]

When I was about Matt's age, maybe a little younger, I looked forward to visiting my parents in the same kind of way. They didn't have a pool, so it wasn't pool parties. It was barbecues and fun times.

[Gina Grad]

Oh.

[Allison Rosen]

Sometimes I look forward to it in the sense of, like, ooh, fun. We're going somewhere. And then half a second later, I realize, oh, no, this is where we went.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, how did we have that? But the sleepover part.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Plus, my parents are out of town.

[Brad Williams]

Well, again, we.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, there's heavy drinking in the evening. Understood. The sleeping is more of the passing out variety. Okay. All right, listen. Again, it's. It's the jealousy, the shame, and the envy that has turned to rage. It didn't start as rage. It's born of. Of envy. So know that I'm a catalyst of change in many people's lives. Yes. All right, now change your ass out of that stool and into the sofa in the back and get some work done. Thank you. Oh, my God. So sad.

[Brian Bishop]

You raised him right.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to. I gotta tell you, I am hell bent on having that relationship with my kids. I am. I kiss him, I hug him. I try every goddamn day.

[Gina Grad]

It's just a waste of my time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that boy. Such a boy. All right, there's that. There is I. Alison, Allison's going. Allison, you're trying to get pregnant, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I am. And before the show started, I said to you, so we're beginning to start all the fertility stuff because you said on air, don't drag your heels. Don't do all the sort of half measures. Just rush to the people in the lab coats who can make this happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, once it has been decided by the gods or Penn Jillette or whoever that you can't get pregnant, the. Oh, we'll give you a shot in the ass every night for a year. That's gonna cause a lot of fucking arguments. It's just the thing you do for a year before you realize, look, we have to do this. And then when this doesn't work, then we will go do that. I said, just skip ahead to the stuff that works.

[Allison Rosen]

And I even am thinking, oh, maybe we didn't somehow. Didn't do it right. Didn't give it long enough. Didn't schedule it right. Didn't, you know, didn't bathe my innards in sperm.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

So, yeah, so I just went. And they drew blood today. And I am one of those people who really kind of has a phobia about that. So it's a. I'm kind of a hero in my own eyes that I didn't pass out. And they were very nice. They didn't make me feel like a child or an asshole. They were strangely patient with the fact that I'm just a big wimp when it comes specifically to that. Getting a shot. Fine. Having someone stabbed my arm, just. It just. I begin to. To feel very woozy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, there's something visceral about it because Your blood is your sort of life force and somebody. It's the tubes of my life force, removing it. But so now you're on to the part where what?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, so the next thing is a hysterosalpingogram, which is where they shoot dye inside my uterus and look around to see if my tubes are open. And also they think I have, here's some details. They think I have polyps in there or a polyp or something. So then the next thing is a hysteroscopy and I put a photo on Instagram. I said this was on the back of a brochure I got from my doctor. It's like four silver haired, 65 year old women doing aerobics in a pool. I don't understand why this is on the back of the procedure that I may have to have. Stop smiling like that, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

They're backup news girls.

[Allison Rosen]

But this is where they send a camera up there and they look around and if I do have a polyp, then they remove that and that's done under general. And if there's one thing I don't like, it's giving blood. If there's another thing I don't like. See, these are the women. We're looking at a photo of this. How are they representing fertility?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. From cocoon, I think when you don't, you know, there's an old, there's an old joke that my grandfather told me and I'll tell you what it is in a second. But I think when in doubt, when it comes to medical brochures, you have women jazzercise in a swimming pool, like the shallow end of a swimming pool. And everyone just goes, oh boy, there you go. It's basically the equivalent of riding a mountain bike in a commercial. It could be used for drugs, it could be used for depression drugs, could be used for high blood pressure, could be used for any, really anything. Just somebody riding a mountain bike, I guess.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's like imagine if these were the people on your plastic surgery brochure. Like fertility, you want to feel young and vital. It's weird with osteoporosis.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, I don't know why we're looking at it now and laughing. But I, I don't know how it works.

[Brad Williams]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

The joke my grandfather told me a million years ago is they have awkward dumbbells. The guy had like a. The guy, I don't know, he spoke to Moyle and then the guy said, yeah, come by my shop or something. And he Came by the shop and the guy had a big clock hanging in the. In the window.

[Allison Rosen]

Every Jew knows this joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And they said, why? Why the clock in the window? And he said, like, what am I supposed to hang? It's basically the joke. And what, they're supposed to have just a big broken pussy on there. Just like a pussy with like a thermometer hanging out with mouth and a bandage around its head going like, oh, man, I'm on the fritz.

[Allison Rosen]

The joke that I know is someone sees. Someone sees someone pushing a grandfather clock, like into their office. And then the guy points to his wrist and says, you should get one of these.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's another. Yeah, that's it.

[Allison Rosen]

But similar clock humor.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know why they've stood the test of time.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why the old women on the fertility thing. But maybe this isn't purely a fertility thing. Maybe this is something that happens when you hit 55.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I think. I think that it's. No, I think it's. I represent the youth contingent of people who need to get hysteroscopies, apparently. So.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a young face.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not for sure that I have to have that based on this X ray. Wait, did you find what just happened?

[Adam Carolla]

No, What I'm saying, look, once in a while a guy gets breast cancer.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I'm that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're that.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm the.

[Adam Carolla]

You're the male cancer filled male boob. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of, Daniel gave sperm. They don't call it giving sperm. They call it just jizzing in a cup.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he have to produce on site?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you guys are lucky that guys are jack off ninjas, because if you asked a woman, I need you to come to this weird place in Tarzan on the second floor, and there's a fucking Pinkberry next door. And you can kind of hear the machine through the wall and have an orgasm.

[Allison Rosen]

And everyone's gonna know what you're doing in there. And we'll provide a lot of porn, but you'll be afraid to touch it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And achieve an orgasm. Like no woman I know would be able to do that. They'd be like, it's fucking high noon. I'm looking out the window, I can see the strain billboard with the guy and his eyelid being pulled. Fucking down with the worm coming up

[Allison Rosen]

through the face and out the.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever, whatever it is. Sorry, this ain't gonna happen. Not here. I'm gonna need at least a baker's dozen of candles. Someone better draw me A bath. I need a glass of Chardonnay. I need a little yanni. Yeah. Sarah McLaughlin. Like playing or something. An eye mask. Like I need some. I need some aromatherapy.

[Allison Rosen]

Like I need to flattery. I need some reassurance.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody. I need to be taken. I need to be swept a fucking way. And it ain't the second floor of a mini mall in Tarzana. Guy. It's great. You could say to a guy, hey, where do we need to produce? Where do we need to produce? The Sample Tolerance Museum. All right, where do we go? One of the simulated ovens or where should we go?

[Brian Bishop]

2:30. Good for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I can be there. I'll be done by 2:35. Like you could literally go to the Holocaust Museum and fucking produce. There's no doubt about it. I don't know a guy. Do you know a guy that if you said, listen to me, I will give you $5,000. We will give you your privacy. You need to go to the Holocaust Museum and I need you to produce. It needs to be done in a timely fashion. That could not produce.

[Brian Bishop]

I would have left before he finished the sentence.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I'd have my pants around the house. Guys could walk an entire Holocaust Museum and produce at the end of the tour. And it would probably add 35 to 40 seconds to the normal time the guy spent in the shower the day before. Sad.

[Allison Rosen]

For a small group of them. It would even subtract like 45 cents.

[Adam Carolla]

You dated a guy who probably would have shaved a few tenths off his 40.

[Gina Grad]

Guys.

[Allison Rosen]

Another kind of shower. He'd like to come in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Wouldn't have made it to the bathroom.

[Allison Rosen]

So Daniel said that he was there. He gave some consideration to how much time he was in there because he didn't want it to be too short, but he didn't want it to be too long.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I said. That's what you got to do that. That's. That's the one time you're not looking for any. That of boys like, whoa, we got a winner. We got a new leader on the tote board here. Like, you don't want that. Easy. Turbo. Yeah, that's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you even close the door?

[Adam Carolla]

You want. Yeah, you want. You want the thing. And you don't do that move that I did where I pulled out my own porn. Like a flask. I carry my own porn, thank you very much. I got a poor belt I wear, you know, like for when you travel.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I've said it. I went to the bathroom and went, how long would a normal person take to produce? That's. I went right in that middle.

[Allison Rosen]

And then you tacked that onto five seconds or.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But I remember thinking very consciously, like, I don't want anyone going, oh, hey, quick draw.

[Adam Goldberg]

And that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. Barely. I started barely gotten a top line of this paperwork I was filling out. And what I thought you just. I didn't want that. I didn't want like, okay, it's been a fortnight. Where the hell that guy go? Did he crawl out the window? Like, I don't want that. I just want. All I want is nothing. There's certain.

[Brian Bishop]

It's basically, you want no one to have any thoughts on your session whatsoever.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I treated it like every couple times a year when Saddam Hussein was in power, he'd call like a big cabinet meeting and everyone had to attend. Your goal when you attended one of those meetings in that big auditorium with like a thousand guys was to just sit there and not, hey, you don't want to be called on. You don't want to stand up. You don't want any fucking trophies, and you don't any step out with. Once you talk to Uday and Koussay in the parking lot, like, meet me up on the roof. You just want to sit there, get through it and polite applause. Don't be the first one to stop clapping.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe a Hail Saddam and then just

[Adam Carolla]

fucking get up and it's back to the two stroke car or whatever the fuck got you there. But the point of the pedicab, however it is you got there, that's it. You don't want anything. That's what you're looking for. 0 complete fly under the radar. No, there you go. Or nothing. I think that's what Daniel's looking for in that situation.

[Allison Rosen]

So the next step after the imaging and after they figure out, like, what is going on in there.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what's weird? Hmm? Whole generation, because I got my kids. Mom, can you tell me a story?

[Gina Grad]

Sure. Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car.

[Adam Carolla]

Was she brave?

[Gina Grad]

She was tired mostly. But she went to Carvana.com and found a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you have to fight a dragon?

[Allison Rosen]

Nope.

[Gina Grad]

She bought it 100% online from her bed, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it scary, honey?

[Gina Grad]

It was as unscary as car buying could be.

[Allison Rosen]

Did the car have a sunroof?

[Gina Grad]

It did, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, good story.

[Gina Grad]

Car buying. You'll want to tell stories about. Buy your Car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys were conceived while dad was thinking about fucking someone else. Oh, sad dig. We didn't really have that problem in the past. But not. But, you know, nothing wrong with you. But what I'm saying is he was provided with material. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, these kids are really the product of masturbation, if you think about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but he could have been staring at Christy Canyon circa 1987, when the kids were conceived, sort of.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Oh, no, no.

[Allison Rosen]

He only thinks of me.

[Adam Carolla]

I am saying.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what he told me.

[Adam Carolla]

You should have him in the room when those things are. You know, when the eggs are fertilized and force him to think about you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Just for good. Cheat.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Wash them in correct thoughts. So anyway, so then there's like a whole thing where they give you hormones. And then they brought up this chart showing the percentages that. That will work based on your age. And then ultimately you get to IVF, which is 45% works. And I. So what you're saying, Adam, is just go straight to that. Don't mess with the stuff. That it costs money and takes time. The thing is that IVF is more invasive. And there's just a huge meta. Irony over the whole fact that I wrote all of those. What I'd expect if I were expecting. And now I'm earnestly sounding like one of those people.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know if you're allowed to jump to the finish line with.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, I think they might not let you.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll probably go, you really need to do ba ba. But they can't guarantee we had triplets for, like, 10 minutes. They were like, oh, there's three little guys up in there. And I was like, holy shit, triplets. Like, I thought, we're having a child. And then it went to triplets. And then I was like, what are you talking about? I was like, what are you talking about? Three of him would be no problemo. I was like, holy shit, triplets. And then I realized, Fuck, this is Dr. Drew's fault. He has triplets. He did the same thing. I was, like, making fun of him the whole time I sat with him. And now a decade went by. Now I'm going to have triplets. And then you get into this thing where it's like, would you like to reduce? And you're like, oh, reduce. And then it's like, oh, it's kind of an abortion. But we're not here for abortions. We're here to have kids. And now you're in this weird fucking world where it's like, I didn't sign up for an abortion. I signed up to have a kid. And now would you like to reduce

[Brian Bishop]

it's shipping from the green? Because you don't want to go too far. You don't want to go too short. You want to get that right on the putting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, it is. Now what happened was it was just like, holy shit, we're having triplets. And then you start thinking about the health of mom and carrying triplets and all the beds rest. And now you go, like I said, you go from one kid, like emotionally to three kids. Holy shit. And the one just dropped off, just like sloughed off. Like the one little heartbeat or whatever, Whatever they. Whatever they caught early just magically went away, which was like, oh, good. I mean, it was like, you didn't

[Allison Rosen]

have to make that decision.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I didn't want to have to make that decision. And I don't know what we never even really talked about. It was just like, well, the one looks pretty good and the other looks pretty good, but there is a third that's not looking quite as good. And magically the boy and the girl and then the one slipped off and then, you know, got, you know, very, very lucky in that department. But it is. There's often multiples that come from this.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't quite under. I could probably easily find that out. I don't understand why that happens so frequently. Is it that the eggs split once they get inside or do they implant more than one?

[Brian Bishop]

I've been told it's cause they implant more than one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they do.

[Allison Rosen]

Chance of go for more than one thing. That's what I thought. No, no, no. That's always what I thought it was. But Mike August said they like start splitting once they're inside.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't talk to him about anything. But he was too mad. Cajun food is all you really should talk to him about. Bayou related food is where. That's his. Hey, I'm serious. And if you've ever gone out. When I was in Austin, we ate Cajun food together. That's. That's his true field of expertise is Cajun food. That's where he really.

[Brian Bishop]

His doctoralicitation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think it was. His emphasis was on crawfish. On crawfish, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, I'll save my gumbo related conversations for him.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, legalzoom, baby. Protect your family and your finances. Get real peace of mind. Legal help. And it's legal help you can trust. @legalzoom.com they've been helping Americans with the wills and the powers of attorney living Trust for over 13 years. Protect your assets. Protect. Start an LLC S Corp. Trademarks, real estate documents and more. They make it painless, they make it fast. It's inexpensive. It's great legal protection. It's legalzoom.com they take care of you. Soup to nuts. Start to finish. Modern way to get help. LegalZoom Dawson. For special savings, be sure to enter

[Brad Williams]

Adam in the referral box at checkout.

[Adam Carolla]

Protect your family, protect your [e-mail] LegalZoom was developed by top attorneys to provide

[Brad Williams]

self help services at your specific direction.

[Adam Carolla]

But they're not a law firm. Legal help is furnished through vetted independent attorneys. All right, Brian. Not Bald Brian, but Brian, 25, spells his name like a human being from New York. What's going on? It's going really good. Longtime listener, first time caller. You know, Brian, you're so fucking lucky. Cranston spells his name with a Y. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Am I?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're lucky. Because every time I think about you and I start clenching my fist, I see Cranston's name and I go, fuck. What am I gonna do? How can I justify this? You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Let's live under a lucky star.

[Adam Carolla]

I really do.

[Allison Rosen]

Lucky cancer, yes, but still.

[Adam Carolla]

But the grandson.

[Brian Bishop]

The whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Brian with an I. Sorry. Yeah, that's all right. So I wanted to call in because I actually worked for the publisher of your latest book, President of Me. Ah, HarperCollins, it says up there. Yes, indeed. And I love the book. I thought it was hilarious. But I think there's something that you should know, which is. So the internal company database has a bunch of records for when we ship out books. And in particular, we ship a couple of cases of books, as you probably know, to the warehouse. Warehouse, rather. Yes. And in the system, your name is spelled Adam. C, O, R, O, L, L, A. Yes. How could it be any other way? Could it be any other way?

[Brian Bishop]

How would they know?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the rub. Fondelier's name is spelled perfectly, of course.

[Brian Bishop]

Boom.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, because everyone went to school with five or six Fondeliers. I know. First off, it's a weird thing because, you know, just in the phonetic department, it's kuh. Does it say Carolla? It's kuh. Like I never say core to anybody. It's this cuh. It's cuh. It's ca. It's Carolla and the ola. I mean, it's sort of phonetically. It's pretty phonetically there, but on the other. But it's also spelled on the book, too. Like, if you need it, there's probably a couple copies laying around. Where are they gonna get a copy of that book? Yeah. It's not like there are any publicity materials or copies of the book or any other records anywhere in the system with your name. It just is. And I'm now accepting that as a unfortunate part of life. But that is just the way it is. I was staring at the die cast Toyota Scion model of the Toyota Grand Prix car I drove the other day and looking and marveling that my name was spelled two different names on the same die cast car model about three quarters of an inch apart. And just my mind started dripping out of my nostrils. I was like, it is spelled two different ways on the same model car. And the car's six inches long. I don't know how much work it takes to spell it two different ways.

[Brian Bishop]

What's more work than getting it right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now I think the one car just has it misspelled all the way through. Which. Which I understand, except for there are many things that involve that race that have my name on it that is spelled correctly, especially the two huge crystal trophies. But it's spelled correctly on mint, like a tote bag. And up on. You know when they put your picture up on the Jumbotron and everything, they spell it correctly on the leaderboard top. Yeah. Getting dusty on top of that leaderboard spelled correctly, but on the car. Spelled incorrectly. But two different ways on the same thing again. Wouldn't you just punch. Punch it into some printing computer and hit print, and four versions would come out. Put one on the front bumper, one on the rear bumper, and one on the windshield. Like how it doesn't take extra work.

[Brian Bishop]

It does seem like more work to get it wrong and right on the same car.

[Adam Carolla]

And the problem is they're not doing that. They're not. They're doing their best. They're not doing your best. That's right. Oh, boy. I had a funny exchange with. You can get Fonda Lear back in there. Oh, boy. Did, by the way, did you guys move, Brian? Yeah. You guys, Harper Collins was moving. Yeah, yeah, we moved buildings. We're down in lower Manhattan now. Okay. Wow. Good. And what do you do over there?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

What do I do?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in publicity. Okay. You're working on my book. Well, I'm not, unfortunately. I was very happy to find out that we'd gotten it because we knew we were going to get a lot of good business, but unfortunately I don't get to work on it. Thanks, Brian. I appreciate it.

[Brad Williams]

No doubt.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep on keeping on. Thanks, buddy. I had a new quasi insulting one that would be right up there with don't do your best. Do my best. I think I wrote Costner an email talking about getting in on this patent troll thing we're doing and we're going to do a big fundraising event. This, that, and the other. Well, I told Matt to write him an email. Costner, just because he's that kind of guy, wrote back about two hours later with a long fight the battle, blah, blah, blah. He's going to be in Europe. He's going to be this and that.

[Brian Bishop]

He said, dear Concerned fan, thank you for your email.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, he wrote back like two hours later and it was AR closing email. He's a passionate man. And he wrote something on the date that was a little bit confusing. And I said to Matt, hmm. He says he's gonna be out of town on this date, but we're talking about a later date. What do you think he means? Do you think he's confused? And Matt said what? I said, you, guess is as good as mine. And I said, what?

[Brad Williams]

Your guess is a lot better than my guess. Like you much more well connected guess

[Adam Carolla]

than I will ever have. Well, if you have someone guessing, would you rather me guess or. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. All right, lesson learned. Just want to make sure it was clear. All right. I know it seems like probably a lot of people wouldn't stop and take the time to clarify that, but I

[Brian Bishop]

just wanted to separate you from them.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, so my guess is better than yours. And you don't do your best. I'll do your best even when you're guessing now. Guess my best.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Okay.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm such a dickhead. He said, your guess is as good as mine. I had to correct him.

[Adam Goldberg]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Brad is here. Brad Williams. We love Brad Williams. I'll tell you what, let's take one more quickie call. Brian, you can jump in on this one. And then I have a thought on this. Brad will. Brad Williamson Abraham. 35, Arkansas.

[Gina Grad]

Thanks, man.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

How's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Good man. Hey, best friend.

[Adam Goldberg]

Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

Full, luxurious head of hair. Brian, how you doing? Question. Oh, yeah, question. Just wondering, with all the Transformers 4

[Brad Williams]

and other movies made out of, you

[Adam Carolla]

know, board games and sequels and Hawaii Five O, you see any, any end to the, to the remakes and the the rehashing of all this crap. Brian, what do you think?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you probably. You think, you've alluded to it before with like if you're a studio and you're making a big movie, international movie, and you're investing so much money, you're not going to take the chance on our audiences going to know what this is like. You have to have a pre existing idea or franchise or notion or it can be a comic book or it can be a whatever, but it has to be something people are familiar with investing money. I think it's right. But that's what they're thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

I think movies, movies more than just about anything because TVs kind of always been TV and there's still, you know, everyone wants to make the best TV show and they want to make Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones or whatever it is, and books. Everyone just wants to make a great book, even documentaries, things like that. But movies have become more of a business and more of an international business and internationally owned business over the last 30 years than any of those other conventions I've been speaking about. Like the TV shows were let's make the best TV show we can make or let's make a sitcom or whatever it is. Some are good, some don't work. But movies very intentionally took a turn and said, look, we need to fucking turn a profit. And if it's something that people have heard of, we got a much better chance. I mean, you take a look at like National Lampoon, they made a fucking decent movie like we talked about in 25 years. They just put their name.

[Gina Grad]

METV is America's number one classic TV entertainment network, airing over 60 of the greatest TV series every week. Now METV presents the Golden Girls of Summer, showcasing the best of the Golden Girls. Watch Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia weeknights on MeTV at 10pm 9 Central. Log on to metv.com now to find out where to watch MeTV. Free over the air and on cable, satellite and select streaming services. METV is memorable entertainment television evening.

[Brad Williams]

Buyer's remorse.

[Adam Carolla]

Buy a new car. I'll be moving in. Let's get started.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana.

[Adam Carolla]

You what?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no, no, no buyer's remorse. More like buyers rejoice.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it.

[Gina Grad]

Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven day return [e-mail] on everything.

[Adam Carolla]

And even, you know, Spike Lee or other guys, you know, there are other people whose names they'll. But now it's Kevin Hart or something. But they'll put their name.

[Brian Bishop]

Tyler Perry is a great example.

[Adam Carolla]

Tyler Perry just put their name something.

[Allison Rosen]

Jules Dash.

[Adam Carolla]

Jules Dash. Names all over my doc. He or she's a fucking money. Fucking cash money in the bank. So the, the. This, this is happening with formats and names and things, but it's, it's now gone past. Like used to be. Well, we'll do a remake of a movie. Now it's television shows, cartoons, games. Battleship. Yeah, the game board game Battleship. I mean, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So fucking weird if you're a big corporate. It's gotten with the remakes and the reboots and all that stuff, the franchises. If you're, you know, launching Avengers 2 or just Avengers or whatever it is, that's like Apple launching the iPhone 5. It's like, that's your tent pole for the year. And the success of that movie is going to dictate how well your company does that year. It's gotten just so humongous that you can't risk it on an unknown quantity.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in a world, pardon the pun, where it is very difficult to turn a profit and get your returns back on your feature and so on and so forth, they're helping their cause. They're hedging their bet. They're going, look, as I said, if you can do Land of the Lost, you can do anything because you can divide the globe into just simply two spheres. There's just two. There are two containers. They're two huge Tupperware containers that you can divide the entire globe into. Those who've heard of Land of the Lost and fucking hate it, and those who have never heard of it. I don't know why you would make a movie based on that. Based on that knowledge. Because those are the only two. There's no third option. There's no C group. There's no. All the above. There's nothing. There's just the people have never heard of Land of Lost and the people who think it's the worst thing that's ever been created, though, that's it.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all. That's your only choice. And they still made that movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Fact that it existed gives it some value for some strange reason. Yes, a bit of trivia for you. Maybe you guys will appreciate that. So all the big movies, some movies, at least the big action movies, they're all based on Some existing property. A book, comic book, a TV show, whatever it is, or a remake or a reboot. It's so rare these days that the last one. What's the last movie, Big summer movie, big runaway hit. That was not based on any. It was a totally original idea. Not based on a book. Comic book maybe. Wrong on. There might be more than one. The one that I can remember and the one that always gets pointed out is, oh, this is one of the rare examples that is not a comic book. Not a book. It's not a TV show.

[Adam Carolla]

So you couldn't say Jaws because that was a book.

[Brian Bishop]

It was more recent. It was in the last five years.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all right.

[Brian Bishop]

But I'm saying it's gotten so rare that pretty much one movie in the last five years.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know, Reds or something or red or whatever that was. That was a comic book.

[Allison Rosen]

22 Jump Street.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll have to look that one up. But it was Inception. Inception is a totally original idea and they totally marketed it based on, oh, this is the guy who did the Batman movies and Leonardo DiCaprio and all that stuff. And that was what they put forward for the marketing. But it's so incredibly hard for these big companies to do that with unexisting franchises.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of franchises, we'll bring Brad Williams in in one second. Draft Kings. There's a franchise. My listeners, winning like crazy. DraftKings.com America's favorite one day fantasy baseball site. Guy put in 11 bucks, walked out with 4 grand. Another guy won a hundred grand. First time ever. Another guy won a million bucks last year. Brian, how are you hanging?

[Brian Bishop]

I won again. I won twice in a row. I'm on a streak. Summer streak. I won a double up contest. I finished in 10th place. Top 10 finishers get paid. So I squeaked into the money.

[Adam Carolla]

No season long commitments, no being stuck with players, just instant cash every day. DraftKings Dawson now get free entry into

[Brad Williams]

DraftKings biggest fantasy baseball contest of the year. Over 3 million bucks in cash and prizes. With a million for first place.

[Adam Carolla]

Enter [e-mail] for your free shot at

[Brad Williams]

hundreds, thousands, even a million bucks. Free Spots are going quick. Enter adam [e-mail] draftkings.com I don't know

[Adam Carolla]

why, but somebody tweeted me. It's funny, it's nice and weird. No recollection of much of my life, but somebody tweeted me. There's a lot of. I'm very flattered that a lot of fans listen to old Loveline.

[Brian Bishop]

And Classic Loveline's a podcast now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They listen to Classic Loveline and then they enjoy it, which is a weird thing because one party is like, there's a radio show I never think about. You think about watching reruns of a TV show or watch an old movie or something like that, but a radio show. And then there's a party that thinks, why not? I mean, if it's something that. That you liked and it was funny or interesting and who cares if it's 10 years old? Or maybe you never heard it the first time around, but we were. Somebody gave me a tape or sent me a tweet that had put together like a best of or whatever. And I never listened to any of that stuff. But sometimes when people tweet it to me, I'll just poke it on just to. I have no idea what I said or what Drew said or what's coming around the corner. It's kind of funny to hear every once in a while, bald Brian in there.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that was funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Tara. Don't call me Tara, goddammit. Or something. Whatever it was at the time. But I did remember one thing that always stuck with me from Loveline is nobody, including Drew, but the producer and whoever's engineering and whatever it was would ever even smile at any joke I ever made. Were not allowed to. They were not allowed to. I mean, Anderson I don't think would have it. No one wanted to see him storm out of the studio. But Drew wouldn't make a face. And producer Ann, I don't know what her first language is, but she did not like anything I ever said in a decade. I never got. You should write that down. Or. Oh, that was a good one. Or did you just think of that? It wouldn't matter. Some stuff was good. And she just never, never. And neither would Drew. Drew just sort of sit there and it was funny. I was.

[Brian Bishop]

To his credit, Anderson would laugh at you sometimes and then get mad at himself for laughing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Even just spontaneous, like when you sneeze and fart. He didn't mean to. It just slipped down. So we had somebody call in and the person called in and they said, I'm allergic to latex condoms. And Drew said, why don't you think about an animal skin condom? And she said, I don't want to use an animal skin condom. And Drew said, why not? And I said, she's a vegetarian. And Drew just sat there with the normal, well, then you might want to think about another contraceptives. And everyone just did what? They did Mount Rushmore of Mount Rushmore's, and nothing. And I just said, hey, fuck you. That was funny. And he was like, what?

[Adam Goldberg]

Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, that was a good little pun there, like, right on the spot. And he was like. And it was like everyone was nothing. And I said, fuck, you know what? Call Jimmy Kimmel. Because I just. I bet you we'll call Jimmy. And if I lay this out on Jimmy, you'll get a laugh out him. And it'll show you guys that people with a sense of humor would appreciate this stuff. And they're like, I don't know. So we called Jimmy up, and Jimmy picked up the phone, and I said, all right, Jimmy, here it is. I'll just lay it out. I just laid it out and did it. And he got a big laugh out of it. And then he said. He said something that made me laugh, which is he said he likes puns. And he said the one he laughed at was, we were with the Juggies in Jamaica. I think it was a great scam. We would always say, at the end of the year, we got to do a big extravaganza, man show thing. Let's get together all the Juggies and go somewhere exotic. And I'd always. Now me, I'm always the guy who just wants to go home. But I was like, fuck it. We'll go stay at Ian Fleming's estate in Jamaica with the Juggies. That sounds like fun. And Jimmy's big pun joke with me is one of the Juggies, like, was in her bikini and, like, slipped and cut her shin on some coral or something. And I asked her if she wanted me to put a little jack teen on that. That was Jimmy. Jimmy got a big fat laugh out of that. I have no recollection of that.

[Brian Bishop]

Good thing sexual harassment laws don't exist overseas.

[Adam Carolla]

We're an international one, Waters. Yeah, but it was funny, that. Not funny ha ha, but funny. Interesting that Drew never. He would never stop. No one would ever stop. I think there was one time when Mila Kunis was in there.

[Brian Bishop]

Independent third party.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And she was a guest.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And she was on that 70s show.

[Brian Bishop]

I think she was there with. Oh, go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

And Drew kept saying to her, get me on that show. Get me on that show. I want to be on that show. I want to. He's such a ham, you know, I want to act on that show. And about the fourth time he said it to her, I said, I sound like a dick, But I said, leave her alone, Drew. She has no power. She's not a producer. She doesn't run the show. She's just one of the cast members on the show. She can't get you on the show. And she's like. Drew's like, I want to get on that show. You can get me on that show. I said, that's like going by a firehouse and asking the Dalmatian for a gig as a fireman. They have no power. And he was like. I realized in hindsight, it felt may have been insulting. May have been a little insulting, but a good metaphor.

[Brian Bishop]

You can see how it would have

[Allison Rosen]

been construed as insulting if you're looking to be insulted. I've been looking for something more.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Had beards.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't think anyone on that. I cannot think of a show where there was a bigger chasm between audience entertainment and staff entertainment. Oh, wow. It'd be pretty tough because I feel like other shows, you know, when Howard Stern is rocking and rolling, Artie Lange would be laughing along with it, or so would Baba Booie.

[Brian Bishop]

Or Jackie's laugh in the background.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that just meant it was his joke.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

That meant you could always tell it was Jackie slid the joke over and then would over overdo it on. On his joke. But I never knew that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it makes sense. It's perfect sense.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't say it was every time, but you could kind of tell if one was a six and you heard Jackie laughing his ass off, probably pretty good chance that was his six. See what I'm saying? Makes sense now.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Makes sixth sense. Yes. That's good. Should I get Ann in here? Not to laugh or Anderson or Drew,

[Allison Rosen]

but Drew now laughs, right?

[Adam Carolla]

He kind of does now. Yeah. It took him a long time to figure that one out. All right, we will bring in Brad Williams, who we love so much, and we'll do that right after this. One of our favorites. Brad Williams in studio about last night, co hosted with Adam Reyes. Boy, I gotta tell you, I had to flip a dwarf and find out who I liked better. Brad Williams. Adam Ray. I fucking love both of you guys, man.

[Brad Williams]

Well, I mean, we. And we get along together, and I think that's what makes the podcast work so well. But thank you for being so supportive and always having us on.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's available on itunes, and what else can I say? It's peanut butter and chocolate. How can you go wrong with these two, Brad?

[Brad Williams]

Jew and midget is usually a great combo. It's right after peanut butter and chocolate. If a cannibal could have a Jew midget sandwich, they would totally be about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Or mouth to God's ears. So you just got back from Brazil yesterday?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you went there for the World Cup?

[Brad Williams]

I was there with your friend and mine, Kevin Rider of the Kevin and Bean Show.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

We went out there together, saw four games, went to five cities, got mugged. It was fun.

[Adam Carolla]

You got mugged?

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And. But I was warned that I was gonna get mugged.

[Allison Rosen]

By the mugger?

[Brad Williams]

No, I was warned by the Brazilian consulate when I went to get my papers and all that. They said, just so you know, you should have a fake wallet and a fake cell phone on you for when you get mugged. Not if you get mugged. When you get mugged, you can throw

[Adam Carolla]

it like throwing a tennis ball for a dog and they'll go chasing after it. Then you can make your escape.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, can I say this? When the consulate, you know, whatever piece of shit country you guys are listening in right now, when your own people have to give people a laundry list of shit not to do in your country, like hey, don't drink any of the water, right? Certainly don't go out after the street lights come on, if you do, definitely stay in a crowd. Like when that list gets about as long as Ron Jeremy's cock, maybe it's time for you to stop and re examine your country just a little bit. When you're giving lots of. You know what I mean? It's like when somebody's staying in your house and you're like, listen, don't try the hot water in the entry bathroom because that. And you gotta jiggle the fucking can the commode because the toilet over.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't go out after 5pm or yeah,

[Adam Carolla]

if you're gonna shit, you gotta wipe your ass with just a handful of goose down. Don't try toilet paper because that's gonna clog up the. When that list takes 15 minutes for you to deliver, maybe it's time for you to go around the house and take a good look about fixing the place up just a little bit. That's all I'm saying.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, but I'm glad they gave me the advice because it happened.

[Adam Carolla]

So what happened? So you and Kevin of Kevin and Bean are out there. How did that marriage begin?

[Brad Williams]

Oh, of me and Kevin?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean Kevin is an interesting guy in that he likes to go out, he likes to explore, he likes it. Just sort of set out and do all that kind of stuff.

[Brad Williams]

He certainly did. Well, my brother in law Is on the board of Kevin's charity, the friends and helpers charity. And so. And we're all soccer fans, and we just sort of got all.

[Adam Carolla]

Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

[Gina Grad]

My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. Twas a lovely suv, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

[Brad Williams]

All talking. And we. This is two years ago. We decided to do this, and we. And we did it. And yeah, it was a blast. It was a blast to go with my friends and see. And see another country. And see. It really makes you appreciate American hookers, too. It really does. Because, I mean, now there must have

[Adam Carolla]

been piles, piles of hookers. Like, they're bringing them in on pallets and forklifts, right?

[Brad Williams]

I don't know what the name is

[Adam Carolla]

for a group of hookers.

[Brad Williams]

Is it like a murder of hookers?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know. It could be a pod.

[Brad Williams]

Could be a pod of hookers. Gaggle, a swab, maybe a cunt of hookers. I like that one. And you know it. By American people. That's what I'm trying to say, because you go out to the other countries that in. In the end, these hookers are on Copacabana beach in Rio de Janeiro, and they're standing right next to the Brazilian supermodel with the huge ass and the big titties in the thong bikini. And they're right next to that going, hey, hook me up. Why don't you want to sleep with this? Like, because you're standing next to a supermodel.

[Allison Rosen]

Like.

[Adam Carolla]

But how do you. It's weird.

[Brad Williams]

You're not going to choose the hooker. You're not going to choose the rump steak when the filet mignon is right there.

[Adam Carolla]

But how do you. Well, first off, you may not get into that dining car where the. Where the filet mignon is being kept. I mean, that could be Leonardo DiCaprio's plate that he queued up so.

[Brad Williams]

Damn height requirement.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying there's no guarantees. The rump steak. At least you know, you're getting sustenance.

[Brad Williams]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you're going to be with a full belly. Jizz, but a full belly. But either way, no guarantees with the models. But also, it strikes me when you're in Brazil and everyone is wearing a thong back, you know, the Fucking surgeon general's wearing a thong back walking down the street. How do you. And everyone's wearing wedgie, you know, stripper wedgies. How the fuck do you figure out who the hookers are? In Brazil, isn't everyone? I mean, how do you differentiate that?

[Brad Williams]

It's pretty much the ugly ones.

[Podcast Announcer]

Oh, really?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, they're. They're. They're the hookers.

[Adam Carolla]

If they're.

[Brad Williams]

If they're on Cobra Command, a beach, and they. And they come up to you. Because I imagine that the hookers in Vegas probably had this same problem where, like, now it's kind of the point where you go to Vegas at night and you can't tell, Right? Everyone's slutting it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's like. It's like, it used to be easy if you wanted to back in the day. Like, you're shooting a bad, you know, episode of Beretta. You needed a biker gang. Well, just find me a guy with a tattoo and a beard. Find me. But all you need was a guy. Find me a white guy with a tattoo. He's a biker for sure. He's got a beard now. Every fucking pussy's got a tattoo and a beard and whatever. Every hipster. Like, we've all just become one thing.

[Brad Williams]

How pissed off are actual sluts on Halloween?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

Like, everyone's dressing up and they. And they got a black bra on, and they're saying, oh, I'm a slutty nun. It's like, come on, that's my territory. I supposed to be the whore.

[Adam Carolla]

So what's up?

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

So they come up to you. Is in their ugly.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And what do they say?

[Brad Williams]

They mean, I. We must. They must have known that we were Americans just walking around. Like, we must just have that American vibe. I don't know what the American vibe is, but we must just be sweating it out, because they would. They would come up and just start saying, you know, hey, you know, 200 for a good night, 150 for a good night. And I don't know. And I would look at these hookers, and in my head, I'm going. I would pay 200 not to. Like, that's a good night to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, if.

[Brad Williams]

Like, I'm 30 and if you To. My idea of a good night is going home, see, you know, watching a movie on Netflix and beating off and going to bed. Yeah, that's a great night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, also, as I've said, you know, the car wash charges extra for vans. I feel like you should get a break. Like, if I'M just saying it's 150 bucks for Brad Williams and Ralphie May, you know, Come on now. The car wash got it right.

[Brad Williams]

Well done.

[Adam Carolla]

Miata's cheaper than the Van Darn.

[Brad Williams]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I, I would offer a discount

[Brad Williams]

that's going into the, that's going into your next book.

[Adam Carolla]

A non group discount.

[Brad Williams]

Yes. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

This.

[Adam Goldberg]

The.

[Brad Williams]

The same. The same way. Charge more. The same way you would charge more for a gang bang if a midget's plowing you. And I use the word plow very generously. Yeah, we should absolutely get.

[Adam Carolla]

I would give you a break. I would.

[Brad Williams]

Us and Asians.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Brad Williams]

It's not gonna hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

I would give you a break.

[Brad Williams]

It's perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

So there you are on the beach. A lot of hookers. Now how do you get rolled?

[Brad Williams]

Is that slang for mugged?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Okay. I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam is very street.

[Adam Carolla]

I watch Beretta. I understand. I know street talk. Rooster told me he's saying rolled.

[Brad Williams]

I'm like, I didn't take any ecstasy while I was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Rolled. That's what they do to you on the street when they take your watch.

[Brad Williams]

Well, and you would know being from North Hollywood High and all that, that that was coming home from a game in Manaus. And Manaus is a city that's right on the equator. So you're, you're, it's, it's pretty much a ghetto that they decided to have this soccer games in. And they built the stadium from nothing. That they couldn't even drive the parts there. They had to fly the parts of the stadium in and then have them come down the Amazon river. So it's really just a jungle that they decide to have a game.

[Adam Carolla]

How many stadiums? And by the way, my theory a few weeks back was the closer you are to the equator, the less shit you build.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like the less durable goods come out of your country.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Brad Williams]

Because it's hot and you got beach and you're fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody on the equator builds a fine automobile. It just doesn't exist. Yeah, I don't know that the equator or anywhere near the equator produces any. A fine automobile.

[Brad Williams]

I think they go for the same philosophy with the hookers as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Like the closest you get towards the equator, I don't think you get a good washer dryer set out of any place near the equator. Or refrigerator with a slide out freezer in the bottom drawer.

[Brian Bishop]

A good parade.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you get parades and hookers.

[Brad Williams]

But then you have the, the other line where you go so far away from the equator that it starts going in the other direction.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the sweet spot you need the sweet spot of.

[Brad Williams]

Right, Michelle?

[Brian Bishop]

Michigan.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just cold enough to make some good cars.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But not. Not so hot that we want to go out and sun our asses on the beach.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we're.

[Brad Williams]

So we're coming home from this game, and this guy. We're trying to wait for a cab, and this guy comes up, and he must have seen me and thought like, well, it's like the gazelle with the limp, you know, I mean, like that. That's the one that I can get.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brad Williams]

Now, I don't know if he thought that I was going to have a lot of money. Yeah, exactly. Like, you're like, you're going big game hunting. You know what I mean? Like, go out there. If you have a beagle's head on your wall and saying, yeah, shot that beagle dog from a hundred yards. That's not very impressive.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I know there's a part where it's like, oh, they hit the old lady and took her purse away. And you go, well, that's not very noble. But they've given up dignity. They're criminals, you know, maybe they just want the easiest purse to grab. And. And if Brock Lesnar was standing there, they'd be like, man, we'll find an easier wallet to get than Brock's.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So are you there with Kevin?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I'm there with Kevin now.

[Adam Carolla]

Kevin's a decent sized guy.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. But they've gotten. They went on ahead to try to get a cab. So I'm, like, kind of left by myself, and I'm sort of wandering up, and this guy just sort of wrapped his arm around me like he was my buddy. And then he kind of whispers in my ear, and he kind of puts the gun up next to my rib cage, and he just goes, hey, you know, dim your wallet, dim your phone.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Brad Williams]

And thankfully, I had the fakes on me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did get the fakes?

[Brad Williams]

Yes. Oh, I got them. I had them ready. And I'm almost like that guy that's, like, been. Been taking Brazilian jiu jitsu for, like, 30 years, and I'm just now getting into a fight. It's like I've been waiting for this moment. How was smiling as I got mugged? Because I knew I had the answer.

[Adam Carolla]

What is a cell phone worth on the brown market? Whatever they got over there.

[Brad Williams]

Brown market?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the sort of caramel colored tan market over there. I mean, I just feel like, okay, if you Have a brand new iPhone.

[Brian Bishop]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's fine. But, yeah, short of that. Is there that much? I don't know.

[Brad Williams]

But he wanted it, so I gave him my phone. And at the same time, I'm laughing because before I left, as soon as I knew that I was gonna have this fake wallet and the fake cell phone, I turned on this fake cell phone and I loaded it up with pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's great.

[Brad Williams]

All my cock. So he has nothing but cell phone

[Adam Carolla]

but dwarf cockpits and does, like, the wallet. Have the cardboard fake credit cards that come with a wallet?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, it had that. It had, like, pictures of the family that obviously wasn't mine. Like, they're black and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, what. Can I say this for those who are listening, who produce wallets for a living? We don't need the fake cardboard credit cards in there to purchase the wallet.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what goes in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What do I do? Put a toaster oven in this goddamn thing? Like, what goes in this? You've never seen me trying to climb into one of those slots or go, jesus, what do I put road flares in here? Like, we get it. The credit card goes in there. We'll do that math. Thank you very much.

[Brad Williams]

I'll occasionally try to stuff a condom in there, but that math gets done very quickly for me.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

My wallet should come with the fake cardboard condom.

[Brad Williams]

So it should.

[Adam Carolla]

You pull the wallet out?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he want to look inside the wallet?

[Brad Williams]

No. They're getting in, they're getting out. They don't want to get discovered because there was a large military presence there and a large police presence. They obviously did their job with me. So I just. I just gave him the fakes and then he ran off, and I'm just giddy and someone, like, walks up to me, is like, what happened? You were just mugged.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, but he's got the fake. He's gonna see dwarf cock pictures, and

[Brad Williams]

you're trying to explain that, like, in Portuguese. It was really weird.

[Allison Rosen]

What, the fake phone is actually a fake phone or just a cheap phone? That's not your phone.

[Brad Williams]

It's a phone that I've had for four years. Just, like, when I got my new phone, I just kept this one.

[Allison Rosen]

So they don't actually make fake phones for this?

[Brad Williams]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

You should.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. If you have an old phone or. I mean, you can go to, like, a cricket or something like that and get a phone for, like, 20 bucks or something.

[Adam Carolla]

So fake phone, fake wallet. And then how many different stadiums did you go to?

[Brad Williams]

We went to four different stadiums. We went to Manaus, Recife, Belo Horizonte and Rio.

[Adam Carolla]

And what was the biggest, most. What was the most raucous crowd you went to?

[Brad Williams]

By far. We saw Brazil play Chile in a knockout game in Belo Horizonte. Sold out. And Brazil fans watching Brazil is most unreal experience. I saw so many grown men crying.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brad Williams]

Like just like when. And not even when. Something like not even when the end result would happen. Like if a guy would miss a pass, they would just wail like. Like a heavyset woman of color at a funeral. Just. No. And then they just start crying. And like my team, it was nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

What I, you know.

[Gina Grad]

Oh.

[Brad Williams]

And the best part.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Is that everyone comes to these games dressed as the stereotype of their country, which I love. Because everyone says, you know, stereotypes are wrong, don't do it, don't judge, whatever. Like you go to a game with Germany. Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All about it.

[Brad Williams]

Like you go to games, would see Germany, everyone's in lederhosen. Mexicans have the bandolero and. And the sombrero on. Japan fans come dress as a car accident. It's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

And they clean up after themselves. At least the Japanese do.

[Adam Goldberg]

They did.

[Adam Carolla]

And that sounds. Besides the mugging. And even the mugging was a nice mugging. Sounds pretty fucking magical. It was. How many days were you there for?

[Brad Williams]

We were there 10 days.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you have extended your stay if the US had gotten knocked down?

[Brad Williams]

Kevin from Kevin and Bean show and my brother in law actually did. I had gigs to do. I went home and they stayed an extra day and watched USA get kicked out by Belgium.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. What Just. And so your thoughts on the country overall?

[Brad Williams]

The country? Brazil.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I mean, you definitely saw the poverty lines in terms of the people in the favelas and the city structure. Like we were on a bus coming back from one of the games and they had a flash flood and we had to stop and just. We couldn't move for three hours. We were stuck. We were stuck on the bus for three hours because they had a flash flood. We're seeing cars floating by and people like starting to do makeshift boats. And this happened in a matter of minutes because of being in the Amazon, everything. So like the nice parts Brazil are very nice. The, the hotels and where the tourists go was great. Copacabana beach in Rio is unbelievable. The Christ statue and all that, it's great. But there's definitely dramatic class differences. Like you make one turn and then it's just. It's not pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it sounds like a really fun and Interesting trip. I've. I've hit the road with Kevin a couple times myself. And he's an easy guy to travel with.

[Brad Williams]

He is. He's great. He got absolutely wasted one night, and that was.

[Adam Carolla]

I find it super boring to eat with. He's like, literally, like, to be like, is there kfc? And I'm like, come on, we're in Seattle. Let's go down to the fish market and go, there's no kfc. Like, he's that kind of. That kind of eater.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. I mean, he was happy with, like, we, like, we were like, oh, we got to get some food one time before going to an airport. He's like, nah, they got food in the airport. And then we go to the airport and they literally just had cheese sandwiches and not the nice. And this is in a restaurant in the airport. So we're like, oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's part of me that kind of appreciates it, but when you're traveling, the food is half the. Half the allure. And sampling the local cuisine and everything, and the guys looking for the KFC always drives me nuts.

[Brad Williams]

To his credit, he ponied up one night and we went to this restaurant in Rio that was a seven course meal that was like. And we walk in and there's a guy putting whipped cream inside liquid nitrogen

[Adam Carolla]

to, like, make that dessert. Yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

It was so good. And we're seeing this really expensive stuff all around. We're like, this is gonna be amazing. And so we sit down for the meal, and they first bring out this tiny plate that has a small white disc on it. And we're like, okay, well, this is cool. And then they come with water and they pour it on the disc. And then the disc grows. It just grows right there. Like, oh, that's fucking sweet. And we're all looking like, this is gonna be great. And I grab it and I pop it in my mouth. They're like, what's it taste like? I go, well, it tastes like a hot towel, because that's what it is. Yeah, we. We're so uncultured that we had the hot towel and we were just so anxious. And yes, they were laughing at me, but they were all about to do the same thing. So we couldn't really laugh at me. So I'm just chewing on hot towels.

[Adam Carolla]

I just got back from Napa. We just had this conversation with Jimmy and cousin Sal, Dickie from the Boston's Daniel, a few other guys like that. And cousin Sal ate the rock salt patty that the half oyster shell was sitting on now, to be fair, it was Napa and we were dying for food because they have nothing but food there, but they have no food there at the same time.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, because you're just chugging wine and eating crackers.

[Adam Carolla]

Please give us something to eat. And he started eating into brick of salt. And, yeah, they don't. They don't make a clear delineation between what is what's edible and what is garny.

[Brian Bishop]

I did the exact same thing around the time my wedding when they handed me pink Himalayan rock salt. They handed all this at the table. And of course, I was like, great. Right in the mouth.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I may have been radiated, but when a chef hands you something in a fancy restaurant, it's pink Himalayan salt. Fuck yeah, I'm gonna eat that.

[Adam Carolla]

You eat it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's decoration.

[Brad Williams]

And you're like chewing on it, trying to be like, well, listen, it's not good. It's an interesting flavor, but it's really expensive, so obviously it's got to be good. No towel.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what is good. Fresh books, man. Millions of entrepreneurs and small business owners have discovered fresh Books. Building a business. You want to turn it from a hobby into a business. You want to go full time, do like I did with Mangria. You'll need yourself a little fresh book. Create professional looking invoices. Track your time capture expenses. Real time reports just a couple clicks away. And again, why pay some fancy accountant to do this for you? You can use Fresh Books and you can work from anywhere. Use it on your mobile app. By the way, they have an app, so you can just use it on your phone. Use it on your real phone, not your fake Brazilian phone. Use the real one with the pictures on there. Yeah, tried free. 30 days. Here's what you do. GetFreshBooks.com GetFreshBooks.com Enter Adam Carolla in the how did you hear about us? Section. And you can try it free for 30 days. That's freshbooks.com. all right, Allison Rosen, let's do a little news, baby girl. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison now. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with. Zip it, cunt. It's Allison now.

[Gina Grad]

Allison now.

[Brad Williams]

Ooh, that sexy voice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so a number of updates in the story about the 22 year old boy who died in the hot car. The guy month old? Yes. Did I say year yes. 22.

[Brad Williams]

He was a frat boy passed out drunk.

[Adam Carolla]

You're 22, it's on you, you know, sure, but months, not your fault.

[Allison Rosen]

20 months old. This whole story is turning into like porn for Nancy Grace.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I forgot about it. Yeah, the worst kind of porn.

[Allison Rosen]

So a judge denied bond for the father, saying he will stand trial in the charges against him. There was a probable cause hearing on Thursday and police testified that Justin Ross Harris as a father was sexting with several women on the day of his son's death. And there were two life. It does not look good for the guy. There were two life insurance policies on his son.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, two life insurance, 22 month old.

[Allison Rosen]

Isn't that weird? One for $2,000 and one for $25,000. The district attorney said that Harris was in an unhappy marriage and wanted, quote, a childless life. The police detective, my parents wanted to

[Adam Carolla]

say, but they didn't kill us, they just neglected us.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, well, let's ignore they were unhappy

[Adam Carolla]

and wanted a child as a life too. Yeah, about it that way.

[Brad Williams]

I'm fascinated that you say he was sexting, cuz like, did he continue the sexting after? You know what I mean? Like, it's like. Talk about a boner killer.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so hot right now.

[Allison Rosen]

One of the photos, one of the photos that he sent was his erect penis and he sent it to a 16 year old. So there's, there's that too.

[Brad Williams]

He did want children just that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

Geez.

[Allison Rosen]

He had visited a subreddit about people who die which shows videos of people dying from suicide, executions, war, et cetera. He also visited a subreddit called Child Free and searched the Internet for quote, how to survive in prison and quote, age of consent for Georgia.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's wait for all the facts to come in.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Listen, can I say this? The guy had a semi white collar gig or did he not?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he worked in the corporate office for Home Depot.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so he's around.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a web designer.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Web designer. That's what I'm saying. I mean, he knows computers, he knows the Internet. He knows firsthand that when you get busted for something like this, the first they just confiscate your computer. Now, no matter what, if anyone goes out on a half day boat out of Long beach to go after Perch and Bonita and somebody drowns, they confiscate the guy's computer. That's the first move of all law enforcement. I think they just want to look at free porn, but they confiscate Your computer, That's, that's what they do. They want to look at your computer

[Brad Williams]

and never Google the crime you're about to commit.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So as the guy who does the web design who's allegedly trying to figure out a way to get away with this crime, how do you fuck that up that badly?

[Allison Rosen]

Like, I mean it sounds like he has a personality disorder or something because apparently I disagree.

[Brad Williams]

He seems like an outstanding citizen of our fine nation.

[Allison Rosen]

Apparently when his wife arrived at the police station, according to the police officer, it was all about him. And he was saying, I can't believe this is happening to me. Why am I being punished for this? It was all very one sided. His white said to him, did you say too much? The detective said that when he was told he would be charged with murder, he responded, but there's no malicious intent. You know, a normal thing that a distraught father would say. Sure, sure, they were using past tense.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so the wife seems like it

[Allison Rosen]

seems like it if she was saying to him, did you say too much? And also there's some surveillance video which, and now this is, is, you know, it's not cut and dry, but surveillance video which apparently shows him like trying to work himself up like rubbing his eyes and huffing and puffing and stuff in one of.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask you this? As intensive as this gonna sound on this show. Yeah. Can't you give away a white kid pretty damn easily in this country?

[Brad Williams]

Like it seems like 22 month, there's

[Adam Carolla]

always a nice demand for young blue eyed boys. You, the guy's, you know, 22 months old, not even two. I mean, aren't there a kajillion families that are just like, oh man, I was gonna have to go to China and get a chick. But hey, a white boy here apparently has an accent.

[Brian Bishop]

He can't even say Roll Tide.

[Brad Williams]

This is great.

[Adam Carolla]

This is awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, like now it doesn't make any sense, but unless they're just crazy, how

[Adam Carolla]

do you give away the kid? Like see that's the thing. Like there's plenty of demand for the 22 month blue eyed kid. There's plenty of pent up demand for that kid. But as the parents Craigslist, what do you do? Just show up at, you know, the firehouse and go like here you go. Do you have a wicker basket? Like what, how's that one work?

[Brad Williams]

I think, are there bins like they have for goodwill on the side of the road? Where?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, it's the other.

[Adam Carolla]

The drive through.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, it's the other End of the equation. That's messed up because you can't go from a child, a life with a child, to childless and explain that to your friends and family. That's what you're saying? Oh, like you can't have a 22 month old. Hey, where'd you. How's the kid? What kid? Like, that's the part that you can't pull off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we.

[Brad Williams]

We weren't feeling it, so we just dropped him off.

[Brian Bishop]

I know what you're talking about.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I don't know. He's emancipated so many levels.

[Adam Carolla]

He's playing AAA ball. He's in Cuba right now. He'll be back.

[Brad Williams]

He's on a mission.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Should you put your kid into foster care, though, if you're not up to the task of. I mean, it seems wrong, but I feel like I've heard of that happening.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like we realize that if you're like, single junkie mom, you can go drop your kid off at the firehouse.

[Brad Williams]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But gainfully employed married couple, web designer for Home Depot. Web designer for Home Depot. I feel like the fireman's gonna be like, hold on there. That's a pretty n. Nice minivan. Yeah. What is that? Danae, where are you going? Like, what? What's up?

[Brad Williams]

Is that paid off?

[Adam Goldberg]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

What the hell? Yeah, you got the fucking pink slip. Wait a minute. Get back here. Like, so. I don't know how that works. And Brian's right. There's a certain. Certain stigma attached to giving your kids away as far as the in laws go. And folks, folks like that, people may have questions.

[Brian Bishop]

There's some explaining you'll have to do.

[Brad Williams]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But I do feel like there's at least a demand for that product you have. And like I said, junky single mom going to the firehouse. We all sort of applaud that rather than flushing down the toilet. Right. Like that. We're down with. So I don't know. But again, we do do this thing where it's like, well, the guy dressed up. Up by putting a zebra head on. And then he went to the school and he opened up on. On a bunch of fourth graders. And we're like, what was he thinking? Like, well, I think he's crazy.

[Brad Williams]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

I think this part of being nuts is doing things that would seem weird

[Brad Williams]

to you and I. Yeah, we're trying to find logic here.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, me and Lynette, we're gonna drop the twins off somewhere. I wouldn't fry him In a car, what would I do with them?

[Brad Williams]

And it's like, well, how would I kill my child?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Do that?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I mean, I expected that if it were gonna turn out that it wasn't negligence, it wasn't that he just forgot that there would maybe be a few details that would come out that would make it a little more clear what his intent was. But, I mean, this is like a fucking cornucopia of sadistic horrendous. That's what I'm saying. It's like Nancy Grace Bukkake here.

[Brad Williams]

I'm sure Nancy Grace Bukocki is playing at Bonnaroo next year. Pretty solid.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so hot right now, they're not on the main stage, but they're working their way up.

[Brad Williams]

Now, didn't this guy come back to the car?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, he came back to the car. And.

[Brad Williams]

And he argues that he didn't see the kid in the car when he came back to the car for whatever reason that he did.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he argues that. And by the way, he went and got breakfast with the kid, as was their normal routine at Chick fil A, and then went to work where he supposedly forgot to drop the kid off at daycare. However, it's like a 30 to 40 second ride. It's not as if his mind wandered.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's now seeming pretty clear that the parents. Now here he'll be the frustrating part of the whole thing. And this part always drives me insane. We will need the testimony of the wife in order to put this guy away forever. And I don't know why they did this. We're gonna figure it out. I think it was the Hillside Strangler did this, but we'll try to figure it out. He had a partner. And every time this kind of shit happens, it drives me nuts. Like, one guy goes and abducts the schoolgirls. The other guy runs the upholstery shop where they torture them and keep them semi animated and alive for three days and rape them repeatedly. And then at some point, the one guy says, hey, do you want my testimony? I can help you put this guy away forever. And then that guy, he gets off. Yeah, because all I did was hold her down while this guy raped her. And then as far as the cops go, I have a better idea. How about you do your fucking job? You don't have enough. Like you need the wife to chime in and go, hey, I can tell you a couple juicy tidbits he did tell me he was thinking about. How about you just do your cop work sure, you pretend like the fucking wife was never born and we put him away for a. But instead it'll be one of these things where she gives the. She'll turn state's evidence on this guy, then she gets 14 months at a minimum security and two years of probation. It'll be one of those things, you know, like fucking pull them both away. Like fry. Okay, I'll tell you what, fry him and put her away forever. How about that? But instead, she'll agree to testify. And it's like, what do we need her to testify? If we got all we need on this guy, what are we gonna do? You think he's gonna walk?

[Allison Rosen]

There also were some other inconsistencies in the story like he claimed. So witnesses say that he called someone. So he drove to the movies to go to the movies with friends afterwards. And then at some point, apparently discovered the kid, you know, dead in the car and got out. And someone was performing CPR on the kid, and he was on his phone and he called someone to tell them what had happened. He claims that he didn't reach anyone though. But witnesses say that he did talk to someone. And then also. So he told his wife that the boy looked peaceful being taken out of the car. But witnesses say that the boy's eyes and mouth were open and did not look peaceful.

[Brad Williams]

Well, so wait, so then not only did he go back to the car and not see the kid that time, then he came out, got in the car after work, and then drove to the movies and still didn't see the kid?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. And cops say that this isn't a

[Brad Williams]

quarter that rolled under the seat. It's a fucking baby.

[Allison Rosen]

And it was in a. The baby was in a rear facing child seat and the kid had outgrown the child seat so that it's not like you couldn't see the head over the child seat because they took a. You know, they like approximated this and discovered that you can see the kid's head above the back, above the childhood, the child seat. And he had to revert or he had to back up to get into his parking spot.

[Adam Carolla]

I had to look over his shoulder. Exactly. Aha.

[Allison Rosen]

That's really Perry Mason Colombo. Jessica from Murder, She Wrote stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

What were the Hillside Strangler guys named? There were cousins. One of them copped up. Whatever. We got to figure out if one of those fucking assholes is out of fucking jail. They're both one serving a life sentence. The other one died in 2002 in jail. Oh, good. Angelo Buono. Yeah. And Kenneth Bianchi. Yeah, Bianchi, I think. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Good paisan.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know what the story says, but do you know if the computer that they seized and searched is his work computer or his home computer?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know that.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Because if it's a work computer, Adam, that might answer your question of why would a web guy not erase his. Blah, blah, blah. He may not have had administrative access because Home Depot is a huge corporation. They might restrict that shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I know that nuts does. But anyway, the guy's nuts. I just.

[Gina Grad]

I just.

[Allison Rosen]

Her computer too. So I imagine they grabbed all the computers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you know that. You know the guy. Oh, the other one. Guys, remember the guy out of Canada who was. Had that.

[Brad Williams]

Wayne Gretzky.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically looked like seventh member of Duran Duran. He got married the last few years, Right. It's been a while. It's probably been 80s, late 80s, I think. Think he got married and his wife. He kept abducting women and, like, filming himself torturing them and having sex and blah, blah, blah. And they finally found the tapes and this, that and the other. But the wife did the. I was scared, you know, he. I thought he was gonna kill me. What you knew about it. She was like there working the video camera stuff, but she got the. I thought he was gonna kill me. There's a lot of mileage you can get from the wife going, I thought he was gonna. There's a million and one stories where you just went to the mall alone and could have easily just fucking walked to the police department. Walked in and went. By the way, this guy's over here. Well, find that story. You know what it was. Remember those great Dr. Baden things where he was. HBO stuff or whatever it was. And they do those stories about the super macabre bizarre forensic stuff. Yeah, I think it was one of the. I think it was one of those stories, but it may have been. The guy was definitely Canadian. It was definitely him filming one of the top. Definitely the top 10 of Canadian serial killers.

[Allison Rosen]

He definitely looked like a member of Duran Duran.

[Adam Carolla]

Definitely.

[Brad Williams]

Top 10 Canadian serial killers. Is there even a top five?

[Adam Carolla]

Top three? Oh, you'd be surprised. You know, it's a lot of white folk over there, and they're the ones who kind of got the market corner. Yeah, that's true. And anytime there's snow on the ground and white folks around, there's gonna be some serial killing. The more you know. And Paul Bernardo. Yeah, I think that's it.

[Brad Williams]

Everyone in Minnesota just got nervous fucking

[Adam Carolla]

Wife ended up fucking. Wife just got on, like, probation or something. It's like she was there and she helped recruit. You know, she'd beat the club and help recruit the women to come back and all that. But she kept saying, I thought he would kill me, you know? And it's like, at any point, you could have saved five people by just literally not coming back to the car after you went into the market and using your cell phone to call the cops or whatever. All right, we'll find out about it, but. Oh, yeah. Kerry Homolka. Yeah. Valvoline, baby. Let's go on to happier news. Valvoline. You guys know that they've been around since 1866. They've. They've reinvented motor oil. Every year I use these guys. I use the synthetic stuff because, you know, I'm the ace man. 1866. They're an American company. They're owned by Americans. They're the only one. And they've been around the longest. And they got a deal for you for a limited time. You get a free American flag when you buy five quarts of Valvoline motor oil at a participating retailer. Salute the stars and stripes. Put your hand on your heart. Put your foot on the pedal, baby. It's Valvoline. 140 years under the hood. Go to valvoline-usa.com for more information. That's valvoline-usa.com for more information. Yo, she got it for manslaughter, but I don't think she did any. We'll find out what she did. But the video show her assaulting some of the victims and having sex with female prosecutors. But they found the video after. Like, they had videotapes. Here's what drives me insane. They had the videotapes that they would take of her being of this guy raping runaways or whoever, right? Horrible, horrible things. And then they had the trial. And during the trial, she was like, oh, man. Yeah. No, he's an animal. I feared for my own life, but what could I do? He was gonna kill me, too. And then they're like, like, all right, well, you get manslaughter. Then later on, they found the videotapes. And when they found the videotapes, they found her hanging out, doing some raping and hanging out and helping him as well. And it was like, yeah, but what can you do?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, we already gave her manslaughter.

[Adam Carolla]

And my whole thing is like, well, I'll tell you what we can do, by the way. It's not like we landed on this planet, and there's a whole bunch of laws in place, and now we're being governed by some horrible overlords that say, unless you fucking go by the letter of our law that we laid down 2,000 years ago, there could be no modifications.

[Brad Williams]

Zombie Ben Franklin.

[Adam Carolla]

These are our laws. We get to do what we want. Right, so now we found some videotapes and then. Don't give me the slippery slope thing. I'll tell you what, Next time you convict someone of a much lesser crime and then you find color footage of them engaging in a much greater crime, then, yes, go ahead and overturn that one as well.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it double jeopardy that prevents.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what it is. My whole point is why don't we just look at every case on its own merits?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And like I said, it's not like

[Allison Rosen]

the court system is getting much done now.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, yeah, they give you this, but what if. All right, that'll be a separate case, then.

[Brad Williams]

We'll talk about that when it happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, so Tammy Hilmalka, or whatever her name was, ended up doing next to nothing. I want to know what the fuck she did time wise. But her husband. Now we got to find a picture of the guy because I told you, he was in Duran Duran. He was dismembering. You know, he was doing the guys that keep them in this semi lucid state for days and torture them and then dismember them is like. You know,

[Brad Williams]

you are really stretching the limit on how much happiness a midget can bring. A podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, because you're talking about like. Like it is dismembering.

[Brad Williams]

And tell us again about being mugged.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let's go back to the good news is you wouldn't need to be dismembered. They just put you in one sack of cement and throw you over one ship.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, they'd like throw me in a sock and beat me up against the wall twice.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

And I'm good.

[Adam Carolla]

One good ankle, one good knee high tube sock, and they toss you in the river.

[Brian Bishop]

Swim over.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be it.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Whereas Gary, it'd be a long bit of, you know, he doesn't fit in a 55 gallon drum.

[Brad Williams]

No 55 gallon drum. You're giving me way too much credit, man.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Two liter thing of Sprite. You know, something like that. Sure. Sunny D.

[Brian Bishop]

Approximate measurements, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously.

[Brad Williams]

Obviously we're not going by it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's go. Something happy.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Good thing Monica Mehta isn't here. Happy 35th birthday, Walkman. This week of a story 35 years ago Tuesday that Sony revolutionized the way we listen to music. The Walkman, a portable cassette player that for the first time, let us take our music with us without bothering our neighbors, hit the market on July 1, 1979.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Don't you always feel like the black man has been on the vanguard, you know, now with the Dr. Dre earphones? Started with the boombox on the shoulder, right? Went to the walk. I feel like the ghetto blaster. Yeah, we just. We just should have called. If we want to find out what the future of portable personal music is, we just need to get some brothers in a room and go, what's it look like? What are you thinking? 10 years from now? Like, what do you think? We don't want to invent something. Oh, yeah. By the way, there's our serial killer. Wow.

[Brad Williams]

You got side by side with Duran Duran.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice

[Allison Rosen]

stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And for a guy, he's doing life in prison forever, I think. But I think his. His wife must be out by now.

[Brad Williams]

I don't trust that Flock of Seagulls haircut. Never do.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[Allison Rosen]

Is there a disproportionate number of good looking serial killers?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And is it because their good looks allow them to maneuver through society that way?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Because when you look like the guy from the Hills have eyes, it's hard to get runaways to go back to your apartment, back to your lair.

[Brad Williams]

It's hard to get away within 50 yards.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, you want a Pepsi Free? Cause I know where a cold one is. Like, no, I do not. Hey, just step into the van. I got some. I got some jerky in here and some mike. And I said, come on. Yeah. When the guy from the Hills has eyes, pulls up in his fucking primered van, you don't get into that guy's van.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

But when the guy looks like Ted Bundy, you're like, whoa, nothing wrong with that. He spit. All right.

[Brad Williams]

Make this happen. Well, yeah. And it just happened. Where? And, Alison, you may have done this story, but they put up the guy's mug shot. And I think it was maybe Cerritos or something.

[Allison Rosen]

And I only do stories about outdated technology. I know what you mean, though. Yeah. This guy's mugshot.

[Brad Williams]

Mugshot McDreamy or something.

[Allison Rosen]

He just got a modeling contract, but he's still finishing his jail sentence. I haven't done that story, but I have seen that story.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. This guy, his mugshot gets put on a Calvin Klein model with a Police website. And it's his mugshot. And people comment on it like, oh, I hope. I hope I'm his next crime. And like, that's what women are commenting on. Meanwhile, a guy comes home from Afghanistan, dove on a grenade, gets the Congressional Medal of Honor, and he can't get pussy. Come on, ladies.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brad Williams]

Priorities here.

[Adam Carolla]

Get in the van. That's what I'm saying, ladies. Get in the van.

[Allison Rosen]

Gary, could you or Caitlin could you find this? His name is Jeremy Meeks. M E E K S. By the

[Adam Carolla]

way, she did 12 years. She was out in 05

[Brad Williams]

even though she held the camera, never said anything, participated.

[Adam Carolla]

12 years. Well, it's a simple math. Would five of these chicks be alive if she dropped a dime on her own fucking serial killing husband? And the answer is yes. So either way. But yeah, there he is.

[Brian Bishop]

We didn't do the story.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what he. I don't know what he. What he did to get himself put behind bars for a. I don't know.

[Brad Williams]

He has.

[Allison Rosen]

Gang related.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, he has multiple felonies, illegally possessing

[Allison Rosen]

a firearm, as well as other gun and gang related charges. And he was accused of violating his parole.

[Brad Williams]

And he's got a teardrop tattoo, so, you know, you got to do something to earn that.

[Allison Rosen]

According to his mother, he is turning his life around.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, well, yeah, he's got the money, contract. As we all know, every model is completely well adjusted.

[Allison Rosen]

He really is smizing though, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Tyra Banks thing.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, yeah, so. So they throw him up there and he's. And he's good looking and women are like. So he mugged a couple people. So he stole some cars.

[Brian Bishop]

We.

[Brad Williams]

We all had a phase.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Allison Rosen]

His mother has started a GoFundMe site to help fund his legal defense, claiming on the site that his tattoos, such as a crip on his right forearm and a teardrop under his left eye, have led to negative stereotypes.

[Brad Williams]

I'm gonna start. You know what? I'm gonna start a go fuck yourself campaign. How about that?

[Adam Carolla]

I just love that. He must have got caught up in that school to prison pipeline or something. But the teardrop tattoos and the crips thing and the f. The LAPD Leads to negative stereotypes.

[Allison Rosen]

So unfair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's so unfair. It drives me insane. Like, look, if you're gonna fucking get a bunch of tats on your neck and a teardrop tattoo and a crips thing on your forearm, there will be some.

[Brad Williams]

You're sending a message.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, just Because I have this

[Brad Williams]

swastika carved into my forehead. Why do you automatically assume I hate Jews?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, the whole deal is, if you get a tattoo and you send no message, then you've done a horrible job of picking a tattoo. Like, why? Or why not just get it on your anus?

[Brad Williams]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, the point is, is you're getting a shit done on your face, and you're getting shit done on your forearm so that you can send a message.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I would get a little face so that my anus is the mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You definitely make do, right? I would make it. I would do. I would either do just the flower part and just kind of make that the center. Or I do, like, a sea anemone.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, but that might take some explaining.

[Brad Williams]

I do a basketball player dribbling the ball, and then the ball is the anus. I would do that. Like an action tattoo. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How about that one? Yeah, it's smart. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, definitely smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Shrewd. I mean, it's shrewder than it is smart. All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm. Alison Rosen's a bit cunt.

[Gina Grad]

No,

[Brad Williams]

that was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right that the lion's share of the serial killers are pretty easy on the eyes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it does seem that way. Or are we just heaping our attention on them because you do? I mean, like, Nightstar. Oh, no, Richard Ramirez wasn't too bad.

[Brian Bishop]

No, he was a decent looking fella.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well. But let me know, Ramirez looked. Well, he looked kind of demented. Richard Ramirez. Well, look, they can always. They always get married in prison.

[Brian Bishop]

One of those guys had the high cheekbones.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he had high cheekbones, but he was freaky looking. But that's because he was. Was nuts. But the thing about Richard Ramirez is he would break into people's houses and, like, rape them and kill them in their sleep or snatch women. Yeah. Ted Bundy.

[Brad Williams]

Any old guy could do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Ted Bundy would get, like, hot chicks, finish a term paper form, and then he would kill them. Like, it was like he would, like, pick them up. They would help him out. Like, they'd, you know, he'd pretend he had his arm in a fucking sling, and they'd help him like his car was broken, and they'd give him a hand, give him a ride.

[Brian Bishop]

We all know Allison's love for young Ted Kaczynski, who is technically.

[Allison Rosen]

I was just thinking about that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, he's super hot. Kind of looked like Harrison Ford in the Fugitive.

[Allison Rosen]

He really let his looks go.

[Gina Grad]

It's a shame.

[Adam Carolla]

But young Ted was very easy on the island.

[Brad Williams]

Could do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, look, we could start a calendar.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, we should beefcake.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Mr. February Calendar.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yes, definitely. And then, like, you could plot their crimes on the calendar.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I think would be fun? I think it'd be fun to do that calendar and say these guys were all firemen and see how many we could sell who would be so horrified

[Allison Rosen]

when they found out.

[Adam Carolla]

See it up in the kid's room.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. And see all the women who have had their pulsating shower heads to that counter.

[Adam Carolla]

And then, like, all the money's going to the victims of 9 11.

[Allison Rosen]

So have there not been any black serial killers?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's. Yeah, there was. The guy recruited the other black kid to shoot everybody from the trunk of the building.

[Brad Williams]

The DC Sniper.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, right.

[Gina Grad]

The.

[Allison Rosen]

My word is bond.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he wasn't bad looking either.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw the movie.

[Allison Rosen]

He was a Jamaican.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever he was, he was fairly easy on the eyes. And definitely, you know, he wasn't this guy with the teardrop tattoo and the piercing blue eyes, but he was like, you know, he wasn't Denzel Washington, but he wasn't fucking far off, I'll tell you that.

[Brad Williams]

I'm worried that when black people do really start serial killing, they'll do it like they do in every other activity and just do it way better than white people.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

People.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, that's what I'm worried about.

[Brian Bishop]

To take over our.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna take it over.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And like. Oh, just like basketball.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll be the Tiger woods of serial killing.

[Brad Williams]

Right. It's gonna happen, people, eventually, they're gonna.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna take over everything else. Oh, we'll be talking about all the old records that the white guy, he did 12 coeds, you know, for integration. I'll be laughing. Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Before black picked up the knife. We were doing all right in that department.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll be like all the baseball records before Jackie Robinson entered the league, before I broke the color barrier. Null and void.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Left to retire someone's number.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Where was the Belt? The Beltway sniper? That guy had a crazy, like Muhammad something or something.

[Brian Bishop]

But he was American, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But the movie, by the way, Isaiah Washington played him.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there you go. That's what I'm talking about.

[Brad Williams]

Good looking dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Good looking dude right there. Yeah. Alan.

[Brian Bishop]

Muhammad.

[Allison Rosen]

Alan. Can't have been his Jerry.

[Adam Carolla]

Muhammad, Larry, John Allen, Muhammad. I don't know. It's so by the way, that with all the Muhammad, everyone can. Everyone can change that, but we need to. We need to find a picture. I said the joke a few times, but I'm still very proud of myself, which was when all of this was going down. That's a good looking brother right there.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, he's good looking.

[Adam Carolla]

He may not be not Denzel Washington, but he could be Denzel Vancouver somewhere that was close enough to Washington.

[Brian Bishop]

Denzel Tacoma.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's nothing, you know, nothing wrong with him.

[Brad Williams]

He's got the tight hairline. He's doing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's him after, you know, not shaving.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, That's a rough weekend in the tank. Yeah, I'd like to see him, you know, put together. Don't worry, we'll airbrush him for the calendar.

[Allison Rosen]

For those who are curious, if you type in black serial killers into Google, quite a cornucopia of results.

[Brian Bishop]

Hope the cops don't find your don't kill your kid.

[Brad Williams]

I always like, did you mean white serial killers?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe that's. Maybe.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I don't mean like, oh, look at all the serial killers. I mean, there's a lot of people who've dedicated websites to compiling them and making slideshows. That's what I mean. I'm not the first who's wondered this.

[Adam Carolla]

I said on Stern, I remember all this was going down probably. Let's see, it must have been like 2002, 2001, I think it was later

[Brian Bishop]

2002, it was post 9 11.

[Adam Carolla]

2002, it was 02, and Robin was doing it in the news, and she was like, people are freaked out because this guy's just shooting people randomly. Like, people are at the gas station filling up, and they just fucking bullet through the neck. And like, most of the time they do this stuff where it's like, well, he's preying on prostitutes. You know, he's going after Puerto Rican prostitutes. And you're like, well, right, right. But when you're just going to the Arco and you're filling up and you get the bullet through the neck, that's freaking everyone out. Sure. So Robin said, what should parents tell their kids? And I said, tell him he only shoots people that don't clean their room. And I meant it. I was like, you'll get a clean room. And the kid's gonna walk to school. Not serpentine, just walk to school feeling like, well, I clean my room, I'm cool. And he's not gonna get shot statistically anyway, you'll get a clean room. He'll get a good night's sleep. Fuckin win win.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well that's good goddamn parenting.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I mean that's a real life boogeyman. Cause that's what parents do with the boogeyman. Like oh, if you don extra vegetables or whatever than the boogeyman's gonna get you. Kids eat. Perfect. You got the news. Doing your work for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Brad. Done and done. Pet flow. Love these guys. Oh man. Pets food is heavy. Get that big 40 pound sack of kibble, put it in the back of the trunk of the car. You try to dig it out, you throw your back out.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, how do I do that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, what do you do? You gotta carry it on your head like a villager from some impoverished nation.

[Podcast Announcer]

Absolutely.

[Brad Williams]

Shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Not fun. Now you go to petflow.com, schedule your pets food. It's shipped for free and it goes right to your front door. And you can try Petflo today. And here's how you do it. You get 20% off your pet's favorite food. Go to petflow.com ace. They got everything. They got 200 different kinds of health conscious foods there and all the brands to choose from. Why bother with this? Are you out? There's like too much or too little? I got a closet filled with Molly's food because Lynette goes out and buy baker's dozen of cases of this stuff because you don't want to run out because huh huh huh. And then what if something happens to Molly? Now I got to sell all this food on the black market. You're not going to go out at night. Hey, what are you going in the 711 for? You looking for dog food? Hey, come out to the van.

[Brad Williams]

I got some, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I got some. I'll cut you a fucking sweet deal on this. Try petflow.com, do it today. Get 20% off your pet's favorite food. Use the promo code ACE. Help support the show and our sponsors. That's petflow.com. all right, Brad Williams about last night. Available on itunes. Also the live shows coming up. Denver Comedy Works. That's a nice club.

[Brad Williams]

Love that room. Love Denver.

[Adam Carolla]

Big beautiful room.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

July 10th through the 13th, Fort Worth

[Adam Carolla]

coming up, KC coming up, Kansas City. And what you do is you go to BradWilliamsComedy.com and you find out where Brad's gonna be and when he's gonna be there. There also you just hit his Twitter unnnybrad. That's unnnybrad. Always great to see Brad Williams oh, our pleasure. We're going to be doing some live shows around. You can go to AdamCroll.com you can catch my book, send in the COVID I'll sign that for you. And all that good stuff, just go to AdamCarolla.com so until next time, it's Adam Carolla, Brad Williams, Allison Rosen, and Ball Brian saying mahalo.

[Brad Williams]

You're not gonna choose the rump steak when the filet mignon is right there.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right. This is adam cole show 1360. Come up next, we have adam carolla show 1608 featuring adam goldberg, kristen carney and brian bishop.

[Adam Carolla]

O'REILLY AUTO PART yeah, man, O'Reilly. Love these guys. Gonna get into it with O'Reilly because I got a car race coming up in about six or seven weeks since time for prep. You want to keep your car on the road, you do it with O'Reilly. There's not many issues I can't figure out, but if I can't, I always go to O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or online, so you need never worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly, right? Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Ad Adam, get it on. Thank you very much for coming out. Irvine, thanks for joining us tonight.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll be doing some totally topical TiVo trivia, and I will explain how that works in a moment. Kristen Carney's with us tonight. Thank you, Kristen. Adam Goldberg is with us tonight.

[Adam Goldberg]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina Grad is with us and Bald Brian is as well. First time to Orange County, Adam, I know they frown upon Jews being in their inner circle here.

[Adam Goldberg]

It's the first time in probably about 15 or 16 years. Sure. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In Orange County.

[Adam Goldberg]

Well, it's not because I have anything against Orange County. I just, I just get corsic.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm saying they may have something against you. I'm saying, but as long as you, you, you know, were permitted and cleared the background check and everything like that, there's no reason why Jew can't pass through Orange county, obviously, he's not setting that stakes. He's not starting a family here. He's simply.

[Adam Goldberg]

But I'm half German Christian, so, you know. Nazi.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I love that. I love, by the way, you and Saving Private Ryan is one of my favorite movies.

[Adam Goldberg]

Thank you, you of all time. That's. That's a funny movie, right? It's a good crowd for discussion about that film.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it is. No, it's. It's. Well, first off, all you need to know is I do know you. You liked Vin Diesel in a movie. I mean, what else can you say about a movie?

[Adam Goldberg]

I'm not.

[Adam Carolla]

But the other thing that I heard about it is that you guys all had to sort of train together beforehand.

[Adam Goldberg]

Did a boot camp of.

[Adam Carolla]

You Did a boot camp. Yeah, we were all big pussies, right?

[Adam Goldberg]

Really big pussies. Tom Hanks was the only one who really was like, he. You know, like Forrest Gump. He's literally that guy. He could be on a treadmill for six hours, right? But like, Vin and I, who actually shared a pup tent together, we're trying to figure out how to literally escape, right, and get back. Because you could see the production office, like, way in the distance. They tried to isolate us, but we kept. We had our eyes on the production office, so we were, like, planning our escape. What's that?

[Gina Grad]

You're a true Jew.

[Brian Bishop]

Production office.

[Adam Goldberg]

I'm a true half Jew. I see this as good. I see where this is going tonight, so. Geez, I didn't realize I had to wear a yellow star. Wow. Okay, 2000.

[Adam Carolla]

Had to get the extra point.

[Adam Goldberg]

Guys, it's the 90s. I think it's time to. Time to. Time to move on.

[Brian Bishop]

How long was.

[Adam Carolla]

How long was the boot camp?

[Adam Goldberg]

Well, it was supposed to be about six days, and I think we did five.

[Brian Bishop]

How much. How much did you all want to kill Ed Burns by the end of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Ed Burns was a sweetheart.

[Adam Goldberg]

There was a guy who was maybe in the cast who I was having some problems at the time that were later much publicized, so I don't know. You can call that.

[Gina Grad]

What does it rhyme with?

[Brian Bishop]

What's that?

[Gina Grad]

What does it rhyme with?

[Adam Goldberg]

Ron Heismore.

[Brian Bishop]

Jeremy Davies.

[Adam Goldberg]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Is. Is. But wouldn't like if they were saying, we want you to be whack together. And by the way, I put the whack in bibwack. There's something. Yeah, there's something I got to tell you.

[Adam Goldberg]

Me and Ben. Yeah, we got pretty close, you know, after three or four days In a, in a pup tent. You know, you just start. You don't know whose dick is whose anymore. Yeah, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I, I, I, I get it.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. He only mine was a smaller one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you know, is saying he lives his life 10 cc's at a time. All right. No, what I'm saying is if somebody said, look, you got to go up to Mount Pino so you can act like you're in the army, I would say, you know, it's called acting. Yeah. Don't you, don't you think we could fake it about four days in? That's sort of what kind of.

[Adam Goldberg]

There was a little revolt and we all had to get together and like, and talk. And we went to Tom Hanks because he was our dad, and we said, look, we're getting, we're getting sick, okay? And I like dry heaved Tom, and I'm not a vomiter. And we really. Is there any way. Because we're gonna start. We started shooting two days after the boot camp ended, right? So we had a day just to recoup. And we're like, you know, is there any way? Because we really want to be prepared just for the shoot itself. So, like, Tom had to go talk to, you know, whoever, and he's like, all right. So they like made a deal where we split the difference and like went home a day early. But, you know, to be honest, it really made a huge difference. I mean, we were looking. So Giovanni Ribisi is an old friend of mine and he and I had sort of like trained together before. We went to London where we shot it, to England where we shot it. And so we would, we took boxing classes and we did all, you know, and we thought we were in fucking amazing shape. We're like, we're gonna be in better shape than any of these guys, right? First morning, 4:30am, they wake us up, we go on that. They don't tell us what mile run it is. We would later learn it was like a six mile run or something like that. But when you don't have a sense of how much further it is, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Adam Goldberg]

And you're a big smoker and not

[Adam Carolla]

at all a runner, right?

[Adam Goldberg]

You like, we, we were the first two out, actually. Sizemore, me, Giovani. Oh, yeah. S was the first to go. Yeah, I don't want to. God bless him. I hope he's doing well.

[Brian Bishop]

He.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, he only runs if cops are chasing him.

[Brian Bishop]

And even, even then.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Heidi. Or Heidi Fleis with like a maa. That's what Will really get a guy running. That motivates me. A macaw motivates me to run. By the way, the movie is called no Way Jose and it's coming out on the 7th of July and it's a really nice job. I wrote it or co wrote it, co starred in it, directed it. I was really impressed and I watched it last night and it's really sweet. It's funny, Adam's really funny, but. But also you really feel the acting chops pouring through and the musical chops. I'm assuming you're a bit of a musician.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah, I have made three records, which is not something that people like to hear about. People who act. But it's true. And they haven't been terribly maligned. They're actually fairly well received records. But in the movie I play like a failed indie rocker who's now playing children's play Birthday Parties.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Adam Goldberg]

So it's sort of this fine line between like writing a song that's kind of decent, good fine, but that kind of contains lyrics that might be suitable for young children at birthday parties as well. Yeah. So yeah. So we are actually playing. When you see us playing that. I don't have a band, but I put these guys together who I. Or friends of mine for the movie. And so when we play in the movie, that's actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's gotta sound like the. Sounds like the Pretender's first album. They just sung more. More about turtles and trains. Right, exactly. Things like that.

[Adam Goldberg]

But it's got a nice sort of

[Adam Carolla]

mystery achievement kind of thing.

[Adam Goldberg]

Right? It does have a little of that. That's true. It does a little that. A little kinks in there, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

So a really good movie, A really fun movie and a nice sort of date night, which I don't even know what that is anymore. It's attempt to get a blow job while the kids do something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you old romantic, you.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I had, you know, I was saying the other day, I said, you know, with the kids it's no longer, you know, I, I say to my kids, I'm going to go out on a limb and just say this and that. And then I realized they don't know what go out on a limb is because it's illegal for them to climb trees in the state of California. If you're under the age of 41 and you're not a certified arborist and you attempt to climb a tree, they're parents will be arrested and incarcerated. So I decided we need to change, go out on a limb with Go out on a selfie stick, which is much more appropriate. And I think the kids will know sort of graphically what you're doing. But when we're all getting in the car today, here's a vestige from the past. And another thing is, I want the pool game, now that we're getting into the summer months, Marco Polo to kindly be changed to Adam Caroll. Because I feel like, hey, it'd be a nice legacy for my children, number one. Number two, who the fuck's Marco Polo? He opened up a spice trade. He's probably like, I'm sure he owns slaves. I'm sure he's a horrible racist. He certainly must a name like Marco Polo. I'm sure he stepped out on his wife a few dozen times. You know what I mean? Why should we celebrate this asshole by having fun in a pool?

[Brian Bishop]

You wouldn't be worth this experience. Successor in that case.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's right, Adam Corolla. Fish out of water. You know what I mean? It'd be nice.

[Adam Goldberg]

Take down the Confederate flag. Get rid of Marco Polo.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. And then let's hashtag something.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's insert out of Corolla and Marco Polo. Listen, I'm just saying, scratch that lottery ticket that says Marco Polo on it. You're gonna find some bad in there. I know we up some indigenous people along the way. Come on, man. He didn't go over there and barter fairly for that spice or whatever he got. Big deal. You invented paprika. Jesus Christ.

[Brian Bishop]

It would have been found eventually.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it's not like it was new to the people who were using the shit out of it for 100 years before your white ass showed up. You know what I mean? We act like whitey invented shit. We just went around and grabbed shit from other people.

[Gina Grad]

But think about how shitty whatever he did did before for the pool to be the important thing for him. Like the swimming was the biggest thing that we got out of whatever his accomplishments were.

[Adam Carolla]

Thrown a lot of sailors in the drink, they'd be yelling, Marco. And he'd be laughing drunk on the bow of the ship. Polo.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, say my last name.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my last name. You know what? I'm gonna go either a slave or your wife. I can't decide. We have another shot of this nutmeg smoothie, another thing I brought, and then I'm going to bang your wife or the slave or maybe the wife of a slave, I don't know. Anyway, let's get rid of this Marco Polo. We'll replace that. But now, as we're running to the car, my kids were yelling shotgun. Shotgun. Which can't be politically correct in this day and age. Shotgun, named after the guy rode on a stagecoach holding a shotgun. In that position, one guy would drive,

[Brian Bishop]

the other guy would shoot right at.

[Adam Carolla]

At the people that Marco Polo was trying to shit on.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

The indigenous people. So it's not a great thing. You know, in a society, we're trying to keep the guns out of the kids, hands screaming shotgun and running for the car. And by the way, my kids are white. They're fine. But little black kids running for a car, yelling shotgun and fighting for each other. Popo is going to put a bullet in them.

[Brian Bishop]

Watch out.

[Adam Carolla]

Black teenagers running for an SUV yelling shotgun. No, I got it. No, in wrestling, I don't see too

[Gina Grad]

many black people with shotguns. I picture more like a Glock or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're more centric. Yeah, yeah. No, they're machine pistols. Culture. I hear you, Chris. No, I. I know what you're saying, but I'm saying shotgun. Well, you know what I'm saying? Saying. All right,

[Brian Bishop]

Kristen. Some have Mac tens.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah. It's called black privilege. All right. Anyway, so I'm trying to think of what we can replace shotgun with.

[Brian Bishop]

It's amazing shotgun has lasted this long.

[Adam Carolla]

That is kind of my kids since their age of five were running shotgun. It's basically an attempt to see who's going to go through the windshield, windshield first. When daddy hits a UPS truck, it's a competition to see who makes it across the hood first.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a weird honor in that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird, you know, it's 82% more dangerous seat to ride in. But don't worry, I'm three foot nothing. I can see zero from where I'm sitting. It's really just, you know what it is?

[Podcast Announcer]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. It's the worst in human nature, which is my kids were doing this when they were five. When there were five, they were this tall. They got into this Jag. They could not see over the dashboard in the back. In the rear seat, you can kind of look around a little. In the front, you can't see over the dashboard. There's nothing to do. You have to hear my nasally drone wax on about why no one can drive in this godforsaken city. There's zero advantage to getting to the front seat of my car, especially when it's a four door and you have a huge leather sofa in the rear to sprawl out on. You know what it is. All they want to do is fuck with the other human being who lives in their house. Okay, yeah, it's not that they. There's nothing better about the front seat other than there's another human being. They live in this house and they want it. Therefore, I shall put myself in a much more higher statistical chance of dying by beating them out by running to the car.

[Brian Bishop]

I always thought it was access to the radio controls. I thought that was the appeal.

[Gina Grad]

Do you really think he's going to let them control the radio?

[Adam Carolla]

No. And they all. They'll have their pads now anyway. And it's not like even back in the day dad in the Buick would let you, you know, turn off the Guy Lombardo or whatever the. They were listening to. You know, Adam's second record. His first was a little, you know, he had to get it out of his system. And then I finally kind of found a stride in his second effort. And then by the third, he got a little cocky, but, you know. But the second one was, you know, spot on. But no, I. I think it's wanting to beat the other person in your house. It's just. It's the inner sort of douchebag that we all have in us. And so a couple things. What is the limit the statute of limitations on calling shotgun? Because you can't call shotgun the day before.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the night before. And even an hour on doesn't seem

[Brian Bishop]

to work as, as high schoolers, it was five or six guys to a car. The car had to be in sight. We actually actually had the rule. Car inside, car had to be in sight. Cuz that would be a thing. Like you'd be still be at the party and be like, oh, shotgun. Like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Got to see the car.

[Gina Grad]

Our rule was outside. You just had to be outside.

[Adam Carolla]

You had to be outside.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's a rule for my friends. For my friends, the second somebody decides that they're driving, even if it's an email thread, something we're doing, a week later, somebody replies all shotgun.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I would say if I was arguing with you, Gina grad, over the front seat, I'd be like, look, I don't travel with my own airbags. I'm going to need a certain amount of protection if something happens. And I don't mean that in a disrespectful way. I'm just talking about science here.

[Gina Grad]

And to that I would say, touche, my friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I will be fucking the glove. Box if something goes wrong here and

[Brian Bishop]

Judah be like, did something happen?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah. I'm not just saying. All right, let's see. Do we have. I think we're going to play a game. We have some questions from the audience. All right, so does anyone come up with a replacement to shotgun the. The term.

[Adam Goldberg]

This is just sort of a sore subject for me because I was always in shotgun. As a only child. Child of divorce.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Goldberg]

I've been doing a lot of introspection while you've been.

[Adam Carolla]

This has got to be tough.

[Adam Goldberg]

Ranting about your children competing with each

[Gina Grad]

other and how a lot of default shotgun.

[Adam Goldberg]

How nice that must have been to have someone talk to somebody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

So, like when my parents die, I don't have anyone to talk to. I could talk to my wife.

[Adam Carolla]

So your memories.

[Adam Goldberg]

Her parents and her sister.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're an only child.

[Adam Goldberg]

Well, to be fair, my father had another family when I was in my 20s, but I don't. I'm not entirely sure. I don't have a great deal in common. Me and the half sisters, you know, I got you. They're 20, 19, 17, 16. I don't know what they are.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I get it. I got a lot of step things floating out there too, you know.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's unclear.

[Adam Goldberg]

I'm not entirely sure I'm not the father. It's something. It's a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's a lot you're about talking childhood was just sitting alone in the front seat of a Dodge Dart watching dad.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. Kind of a latchkey kid, sort of pinned in front of the television set, watching the Reagan returns coming in, watching the day after fearing bilateral nuclear exchange. Listening to a lot of jazz. That was pretty much my childhood. Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Don't you.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you feel like you're able to be as prolific as you are, though, with the music, the writing, the acting and the art because of all the free time you had left alone with. With your brain and then later you're cocking balls.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. I mean, let's keep in mind most of that time was spent masturbating. But I'm sure that there was. I'm sure there was a gestation Perry Creative label.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Well, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You go from imaginary friends you hang out with to imaginary friends you fuck imaginary girlfriends.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah, I had imaginary girlfriends until really, the drive down Irvine. Fine.

[Adam Carolla]

I think recently, really. It's your first experience. Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. So this is nice just to be. Nice just to be around people. It's just really lovely. Thank you for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Do we. Do we have some questions out there?

[Brian Bishop]

Some good questions. First one, from Sylvia Viola of Mission Viejo.

[Adam Carolla]

May I have another beer? Oh, yes, let's get out of another beer. Chicken tenders.

[Adam Goldberg]

How do you get chicken tender. Tenders.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, chicken tenders.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm looking for the microphone.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, two.

[Adam Goldberg]

Two beers and the chicken tenders for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Chicken tenders.

[Adam Goldberg]

I didn't eat on the way. I made a mistake.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand. I.

[Adam Goldberg]

It was a weird time.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, you're driving down here, you're falling in love.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

You didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have time to rehydrate or renourish. And now you're a little peckish. Sorry, what? What is your name?

[Gina Grad]

Sylviola?

[Adam Carolla]

Silviola?

[Gina Grad]

Viola.

[Adam Carolla]

Viol. Oh, Sil.

[Gina Grad]

Sylvia. Viola.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Last name's Viola?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

You're Italian. Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Viola.

[Gina Grad]

That's a.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a miniature violin.

[Gina Grad]

It's a violin.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a violin. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a fiddle.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a fiddle. Okay. Yeah. Is there a difference between a fiddle and a violin?

[Brian Bishop]

I just figured the Atlantic Ocean.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So.

[Brian Bishop]

For that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Because I was saying, you know,

[Brian Bishop]

call me bald for nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because when. What's his.

[Brian Bishop]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Charlie Daniels is playing it. It's a fiddle.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like. It's like polenta and gris. They're the same thing. It's just.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they are.

[Gina Grad]

That one's more compact.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know.

[Gina Grad]

That one's more like darning. And the other one's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, your next question.

[Adam Goldberg]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no physical difference. Well, either way, I'd like my son to grow up with grit and not polenta. That's just me.

[Brad Williams]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a proud American on the right side of the. What was it? The Atlantic.

[Brian Bishop]

Atlantic.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so what's the question again?

[Gina Grad]

Can you read it?

[Brad Williams]

I wrote it.

[Brian Bishop]

You have a four month remodeling job. You somehow became this. The.

[Gina Grad]

The supervisor of I want to kill him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's your husband you're pointing at. You want to.

[Podcast Announcer]

I want you to.

[Adam Carolla]

What is he doing from your book? Oh, my God.

[Gina Grad]

Like with your kids?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Daddy step talking. Right.

[Gina Grad]

Your show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

This guy put me in a predicament of dealing with.

[Adam Carolla]

No. It's funny, you sound drunk, but you don't look drunk. Like if I pulled you over, I wouldn't say shit until you said shit and then I would zip tie you.

[Podcast Announcer]

Seriously.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's doing what to you? What are you doing to Her.

[Gina Grad]

No water, no electricity.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Gina Grad]

Five months.

[Adam Carolla]

Five months. What's.

[Adam Goldberg]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a full house. Remod. He's doing the whole thing. He said he could handle it himself.

[Brad Williams]

He.

[Adam Carolla]

He did. He did a lot of.

[Gina Grad]

He thought three weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now, you. You probably said we don't need electrician. I was in the service. I could handle this.

[Gina Grad]

He's a butcher.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a butcher. I know. I've seen his work. It's fucking horrible. I believe it. What's he do for a living? He's a butcher. Is that a. Is that even a job anymore?

[Gina Grad]

You can tell you something. It is for him. I don't know how he does it, but it is for him.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

And restaurants need their steaks. Yeah, yeah, no, I get it. But I feel like we should have robotic butchers at this point. By the way, you want to take a glimpse at an apocalyptic future when those robotic robotic butchers start g. Start gaining intelligence and start taking it out on us? They've teamed up with the cows, so. Sorry. So you have a house. He's remodeled the house. He's fucked the whole thing up. And now what are we going to do about it?

[Gina Grad]

I want to kill him.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, don't. Yeah, listen, you're going to kill a butcher, wait till he falls asleep. Don't show up at his work. That's what my grandpappy always used to tell me. Never show up. You know, you want to kill, you know, someone at the post office, by all means show up and, you know, have fun. But butcher, Wait till he turns that sign around that says closed and starts walking out to the butcher mobile before you. You know what I mean? And also, it is kind of funny if you ironically stab him. You know what I mean? He was a butcher and he got stabbed.

[Gina Grad]

All kinds of shenanigans.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so sorry. At least it was Ran Just went full bukkake. He literally. Oh, my God. He literally had more.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, take it off.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, for those who are listening at home, Adam is simulating oral on me right now. No, Adam just took his shirt off and is in amazing shape for a musician now, Harry T. Yeah, if he was a construction worker, he'd be out of shape, but for a musician, this is absolutely impressive. He.

[Adam Goldberg]

How much I spilled an entire thing of jizz, I think, is what that is, right? Ranch jizz all over my fucking shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? Do you guys ever have it happen where somehow more spills than the container could possibly mathematically hold? I have dumped over like half, like a half glass of milk or beer or something and then grabbed it, snatched it, pulled it back up, it's still half full. And there are four gallons of beer in the kitchen. Like how did more come out than this could technically hold and it's still half fucking full. You have more Thousand island or I'm sorry, Ranch. Ranch. Ranch.

[Gina Grad]

Right before I pass my mic on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Gina Grad]

I'm so sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, Adam. Hold on. It's on.

[Gina Grad]

I cuz I know I'm on a time stage.

[Adam Carolla]

It's on your boot. It's on your boot now. Let me try to get that down. You know, it's going to be funny watching Adam walk to the car be. What happened to Adam Goldberg? He was killed by seagulls. He was walking out to the car

[Adam Goldberg]

to my wife and there's jizzled over my boot. Yeah, that's really the issue. What happened? I thought you were doing a podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

I was, I was. I was excited, exciting.

[Adam Goldberg]

I'm good.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. How are the tenders? They're actually pretty tender.

[Adam Goldberg]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Well, you know, the name's right in there, so.

[Gina Grad]

I'm sorry, before I pass my mic on, I just want to say that I've read every one of your books.

[Adam Carolla]

You've read every book? Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

And I want to tell you that my 18 year old daughter, I made her apply to Taco Bell and she got hired. And she is Taco Bell material.

[Adam Carolla]

Your daughter, God bless her, she's working at Taco Bell, everybody. You know what? You see, the American dream is alive and well in Orange county where it's a place where all you need to be is have a GED and a dream.

[Brian Bishop]

And the dream is negotiable.

[Adam Carolla]

Is your. Wait, did you say your daughter works at a Taco Bell? Is she a strawberry blonde? She's blonde like me and she works at a Taco Bell.

[Gina Grad]

She talks like she walks.

[Adam Carolla]

They must be. Everyone else who works there must think she's a plant from like the main office in. I don't know where the main fucking office is, but that's up the street, right? They must think she's a plant. They must think she's a plant. Someone's been skimming beans. Now we got this strawberry blonde in here to get to the bottom of it.

[Gina Grad]

Bottom line, she was Taco Bell material.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, I appreciate that. All right. Thank you, Radar. Again, quietly drunk. I like that.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't feel like we answered her question or got a question.

[Adam Carolla]

It was more Of a statement, which is, she's gonna murder that person I married is a dick.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Trying to rent a better house. What an asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it. Well, what's your name? What's your first name, sir? George. George the Butcher. I just like that. Just like. I would like to put that after my name, Adam the Butcher. Doesn't sound quite right.

[Brian Bishop]

George a butcher.

[Gina Grad]

I don't think it's fair that butchers get to wear the same jacket as a doctor, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They both have blood on it.

[Adam Goldberg]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And they both get to wear, like, the same general smock.

[Gina Grad]

Right. They look the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Very different.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think if I.

[Adam Goldberg]

My doctor had an apron, I'd be a little concerned.

[Adam Carolla]

I did have a dog like that

[Adam Goldberg]

at one point, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you?

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. Yeah. I had a nasty wisdom tooth extraction is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Tell me about it.

[Adam Goldberg]

No, I'm making it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, sorry. Let's do another. Do we have another ball?

[Brian Bishop]

Next one is from Tina Young of Hacienda Heights. Where is Tina?

[Adam Carolla]

Tina Young.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, she's right here.

[Adam Carolla]

Ha.

[Gina Grad]

In charge of the microphone, girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Home of Fergie, right? Fergie's from Hacienda Heights. Black Eyed Peace.

[Podcast Announcer]

She is.

[Gina Grad]

She went to my high school.

[Adam Carolla]

She went to your high school? Were you with her when she went there?

[Gina Grad]

She was a year ahead of me.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but you could still see her,

[Brian Bishop]

right? You're a year younger than Fergie.

[Gina Grad]

I'm 31.

[Brian Bishop]

Meth.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, Jesus.

[Brad Williams]

Holy.

[Adam Carolla]

Fergie's Only 32, huh?

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian's upset by this.

[Brian Bishop]

My head exploded long ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, you're a bit of all right. You know, I probably would have chosen you in high school over Fergie. But now, of course, with the dramatically different bank accounts I'm imagining, and with two young children to, you know, look at, I think I might gravitate a little toward her. But there's no reason why I couldn't sneak out and have sex with you.

[Adam Goldberg]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Thanks, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't know what Tinny Young does for a living.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's hear what you do, Tina.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I'm a wedding planner.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, a wedding planner.

[Brian Bishop]

Fergie's probably the better choice.

[Gina Grad]

No, wedding planners don't work for free.

[Adam Carolla]

And is now. What is now. Are you married yourself?

[Gina Grad]

No, I'm engaged to this guy right here.

[Adam Carolla]

To the guy sitting there. Tabletop, but. Okay, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this, because I don't want to fuck up my next marriage. So let me say this. I'm romantic. That way Lynette knows, I don't want to fuck up the next one.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, so far, marriage number two is perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

No problem. I really want to get it right. Like Adam's second album, the. It's a joke. The point is this. I know he's still smart. And from the Hidden Valley port all over himself. That valley's not hidden from Adam Goldberg. I'll tell you. It's front and center for him. How much? Now, listen, as a guy, you have to feign some interest in this wedding that's going to take place. You know what I mean? You can't just sort of wave your hand and go, like, I'll throw money at the problem, like, did. You have to have some degree of. Even if it's not actual interest. Feigned interest in the event. On the other hand, you can't get so dug in over the color scheme that you guys end up getting divorced. You know what I mean? So what's an appropriate amount of feigned interest for this guy to show when you guys do actually get married? Or are you just going to take it and run with it?

[Podcast Announcer]

Yes, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Better or worse for this guy that he's marrying a wedding planner, she's either going to know what to do. Take over everything, or want to have everything paid a lot of attention to. I'm wondering which is which.

[Gina Grad]

That's exactly what I'm gonna do, though. I'm probably gonna plan everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're playing everything.

[Brian Bishop]

Probably also discounts on a lot of stuff. I mean, you know, vendors, you know, flower people and.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, but we're gonna go to Napa, so I don't know about the discounts.

[Adam Carolla]

Does it. Wait, didn't you go?

[Adam Goldberg]

I did, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I got married.

[Brian Bishop]

You did?

[Gina Grad]

Oh. Where'd you get married?

[Brian Bishop]

Yellenfield.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Lovely up there. Invite Adam. They'll show up late.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. We were there the day before. But my wife. Anyway, it all come out in the transcripts. Women get lulled into a false sense of time security because of the literal six and a half minutes it takes a man to go from watching Sports center in a town towel to wearing a suit with shiny shoes and black socks and ready to walk out the door. It doesn't take. You know, I'll be in the towel watching the tv, and my wife will, like, look in and do the. Okay, I'm gonna go put on my face, and my whole thing is like, I literally just. I'll stand up, pull up the pants. I'll be buttoning the shirt as we're Walking out the door yelling shotgun. And it'll be five minutes, so do not get lulled into the. We have all day or this guy's not going anywhere for a fortnight just because I'm in a towel watching SportsCenter. That's what happened at your wedding. I was in the hotel room just splayed upon the bed, and she's in there drying her brain with that device that she says is there to dry her hair.

[Brian Bishop]

That was Adam's toast, actually.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Mazel tov. Yes. All right. So, Tina. Easy to remember because you look like a Tina. Right?

[Gina Grad]

Fits.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So when is it. Does being a wedding planner ruin all weddings for you? Like, you show up and your man's like, wow, that's a hell of an ice sculpture. And you're like, it's okay.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. Kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

You nitpick and look at all the.

[Gina Grad]

And I have higher standards.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. And you're like. And you're sitting there ruining it for everyone else around you because you're, like, totally up by the fact that they put the salad fork where the dessert spoon is supposed to go. And this is an affront and an attack, and no one else knows or gives a shit. Yeah. That's you. So you're going to. When are you getting married in Napa?

[Gina Grad]

When are we getting married in Napa? How much of a planner.

[Adam Carolla]

Loaded.

[Gina Grad]

Question, question mark?

[Adam Carolla]

Question mark. It's still debatable at the moment,

[Gina Grad]

ever getting married. It's not happening.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I. I'd say a wedding planner is probably someone with a sort of a personality that likes to take control of things.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If I have to hear about uplighting one more time, I put a gun in my mouth.

[Gina Grad]

All right, so he's a Glock type.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And so I don't know if, like, getting pussy whipped is a profession, but is that something you might be interested in? Like, is it something your guidance counselor might have shared with you in high school? Like, well, either you want to go into the legal world or be professionally busy whipped your whole life. But it sort of sounds like she's a, you know, taskmaster.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

A little tough. Just with the wedding, it's easier to say yes. Yes. Say yes. Yeah, let her. Let her do the drive. She knows what she's doing. All right. And what do you do for a living? Purchasing agent. A what?

[Brian Bishop]

Purchasing agent.

[Adam Goldberg]

Oh, that's vague.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I buy things like a woman.

[Adam Carolla]

That's one of those party professions where you go, what do you do? I'm a purchasing agent. Oh, there you go, hey, it looks like you use another Heineken. I'm. I dabble a little bit, okay.

[Adam Goldberg]

In refrigeration and small kitchen appliances.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so like. Oh, so like the mini fridges.

[Adam Goldberg]

A little bit of that, a little bit of this.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's funny, I've often said the mini fridge maybe second only to the toasters. The most app titled appliance, you know, refrigerator.

[Adam Goldberg]

Take a phone call. All right. I gotta take a phone call. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you want that mannequin?

[Adam Goldberg]

No, no, I'm good. I'm good. I'm getting a. Getting a phone.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, what I was going to say is it's a refrigerator, but it's mini, you know, it's the mini fridge. You know what I mean?

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah, no, it's a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. You're a purchasing agent. You're blowing me off. Do you ever do that thing where you meet. I met the neighbor. I met. I met my neighbor finally at my kids basketball game. Game. And it's like one of those things where you go and what do you do? And you always want Hell's angel, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Or you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, test pilot. Like something, just something awesome. Right. And. And now the guy, you guy get, the guy says, I do outdoor signage again. That's just one of. Oh, there you go. You start racking your mind like you're trying to ask like pertinent questions, like signs.

[Adam Goldberg]

I like to read them.

[Brian Bishop]

Who

[Adam Carolla]

were you the one responsible for that one next to the Hollywood bowl that I always see when I'm going into Kimmel. Is that you or is that another guy? Huh? But I bet you know him. I bet you know him.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, when you do one of those buildings, because this is something that's been keeping me up at night when you do like the side of the building, like on Sunset Boulevard, can the people inside the building see out of the window? Or is that just something you kind of don't ask, don't tell, Take a little cash, your office is going to be dark for six months while expendables 3. Get some eyeballs on it and then we'll roll it off or how's that work? How's that? That good? Oh, oh, you don't do those. Okay. All right. Is there another guy or. All right. Yeah. All right. So you do purchasing.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So go back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And construction. Adam, for construction.

[Podcast Announcer]

Construction.

[Brian Bishop]

I was going to say purchasing agent. Sounds pretty shady. Do you work for Tom Sizemore?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't what do you. What do you buy? Materials? I do, but in landscaping. Landscaping?

[Adam Goldberg]

Mob. He's the least swarthy mobster I've ever seen.

[Adam Carolla]

So, like, if I'm working with abs or pvc, what's the difference between, like, Y, a T and a sweep? Okay, now the fun begins. So we can sit around at the party and talk about drip lines. Yeah, drip lines, definitely. I've only been in there about a month because I came from Low voltage, so I can probably tell you more about low voltage. Oh, we can talk outdoor lighting. No, we don't do outdoor lighting. Okay. Okay.

[Adam Goldberg]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hand the mic back to Tina Now. I don't even know what Tina's question was.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah. Do you still talk to Natalie from the Dixie Chicks?

[Adam Carolla]

Natalie from the Dixie Chicks? It was her, right? Jesus. You know, I had this moment. God, there's a whole Natalie from the Dixie Chick story. That's not. Wow. Okay. You twisted my arm. No, I had a moment. I went to the Grammys with Natalie from the Dixie Chicks while I was. Which Dixie.

[Gina Grad]

She's the main lead singer.

[Adam Carolla]

She's the lead blonde.

[Adam Goldberg]

I'm acting like as if you told me I would. They all. Don't they all sing lead? No, no.

[Gina Grad]

She's short. She's pixie blonde, platinum hair, big eyes.

[Adam Goldberg]

That's all three. No.

[Gina Grad]

Kind of.

[Adam Goldberg]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Goldberg]

Okay. So the lead.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna be pissed when a fellow musician knows this little about their craft.

[Adam Goldberg]

I'm not. I have no. I have no problem with it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gonna be funny. No, no. When I talk to Natalie, I'm gonna be like, hey, you know Goldberg? Oh, the wrestler? No, Adam Goldberg. I don't believe I know that name. Which one is he?

[Brian Bishop]

Very well done.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus. I should have never got out of that limo. Yeah, it's a goddamn good picture right there. I was. I was. She asked if I could go to the Grammys with her as her escort. And it's funny that you bring this up, because a day or two ago, they had some. Some Dixie type of a band play on America's Got Talent. And my kids loved the bejesus out of that show. And they were playing Wide Open Spaces, and I was about to pipe up and go, I love this song. Except for I realized it would probably remind my wife of the time, right? I should probably stop talking about it at this point.

[Adam Goldberg]

You didn't go with Daddy but Bone Natalie. You didn't just go with Daddy. Bone Natalie as a song.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Adam Goldberg]

You didn't say, hey, Daddy boned Natalie.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I didn't. I should have. I should have.

[Adam Goldberg]

I. I'm gonna do that with my kid. My famous exes. I mean, why not?

[Adam Carolla]

You have famous exes?

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah, I think. Yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You can Google it. Hey, kids. Uncle Giovanni. Dad's been balls deep in him. We're in a pup tent.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Put my. I jerked off Vin Diesel, daddy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the American dream.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you been with famous people? You had to have. You have to.

[Adam Goldberg]

Famish.

[Adam Carolla]

Famous.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, can you tell? People know.

[Gina Grad]

What is it? What does it rhyme with?

[Adam Goldberg]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, it's.

[Adam Goldberg]

I mean, it's a. No, there was like, I made a film with an. With an actress named Julie Delpy. Two Days in Paris, which is clearly based on at least part of our relationship. The part where we hate each other.

[Podcast Announcer]

Right.

[Adam Goldberg]

So, I mean, there's no. No, no. Nothing that lurid. Nothing like that.

[Podcast Announcer]

Nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Famous is a band who you've never heard of.

[Adam Goldberg]

I've heard of it. I know. Very familiar with the Dixie Chicks. I just. Yeah. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. What happened was, is she asked me to attend the Shrine Auditoriums Grammy Awards with her as her escort while I had a full time girlfriend. And I said, fuck yeah, I'm going. And I remember a very. What I thought was a fair conversation that a dude would easily understand but a woman would never comprehend, which is I said to my. My wife now, but girlfriend, at the time, I. Same. Yeah, that's why I didn't announce that I understand that. That song with.

[Adam Goldberg]

I understand. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

America's Got Talent.

[Adam Goldberg]

This is getting all right. Much better than I expected.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Can I say I'm looking at a guy. I can't finish the story because you look like a cross between my dad in 1974 and angel from the Rockford Files. No one can see this guy. Well, Gary will find the picture and then we'll force you up on stage and we'll tell me if I'm not right.

[Brian Bishop]

I would submit a little bit of modern day Manny Patinkin.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. A little modern Manny. Yeah, I. So I said to my wife, I said to my girlfriend, I said, look, you are dating a guy who is semi famous and 9 out of 10 things are good. You get tickets, you get laminates and backstage pat passes. You get to go the frontal line. You get to get to any event. You. I work for K. Rocky. When you want to go to a concert, you come to me, your friends. I'm working at night. I'll get you con. I'll get you tickets. You'll go everywhere and do everything. 9 out of 10. But every once in a while, by the way, pretty good odds. Out of 10. But every once in a while, I get to a Dixie Chick.

[Adam Goldberg]

That's the.

[Adam Carolla]

Those are the rules are. Well, nine out of ten times you're backstage at Bruce Springsteen, but did not know that on that 10th day, I'm ball deep in Natalie Maine. Sorry.

[Podcast Announcer]

Jesus.

[Adam Goldberg]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my dad on the left and then angel on the right. Now, hold on. Come up on stage. I'll help.

[Adam Goldberg]

I'll help.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll help you out.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now turn toward the audience. Let them. Let them drink in the majesty. Hold on. Let's get a picture. Don't be bashful. Now. I didn't even know if you're. You got the. I don't know if you're more my dad or angel, but, man, there's a lot. There's a lot there. All right, go back to us.

[Brian Bishop]

Help him down. Help him down.

[Adam Carolla]

Helping.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Go. Go back to helping.

[Gina Grad]

Why was. Why was your dad pixelated? Is this a screenshot from Cops or.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think that's Gary trying to blow up a postage stamp into the size of a. Whatever.

[Adam Goldberg]

That's the beta version of his dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I wish my dad had made something of himself and ended up on Cops. At least be something I could discuss at a cocktail party instead of, oh, it's Dad's episode. Yeah. Yeah. Something to show my kids when he's gone. You know what I mean? Something to remember him by instead of the guy who sat on the sofa. So I went to the. I. I went to the Dixie Chicks concert with. With Natalie.

[Adam Goldberg]

Natalie.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And. And I know her. And they won, and they. And it was this great moment.

[Brian Bishop]

They won.

[Adam Carolla]

They won a. They won a Grammy. Yeah. Yeah. It's a constant form of competition. They're all winners.

[Gina Grad]

Well, she won because she was with Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You were there with your second album. That's right.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

That's right.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The competition was. Was stiff that year. Yeah, obviously. Evidently. Evidently. But I'll say to Rob. But the point is, is not that it is, but the point is, first thing, I was sitting, like, four rows back right in the center with all the Dixies, and all the Dixies were there with their husbands or boyfriends, and I was there with Natalie, and I was praying they wouldn't win. Win. Because I knew if they did win, the camera guy comes sliding down and Everyone has to hug and kiss and smooch and everything, and it's going live. And I know my Lynette, who's full blood Italian, is working one of those sharpening stones that this guy. This guy uses as a space saving spare. And she's wheeling. She's got an ax and sparks are coming out. And she's. She's got. She's got like a mason jar with some, like, ever clear in it. She's sucking off it, you know, back to the ax with the sparks, you

[Brian Bishop]

know, a voodoo doll with a monogram.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And. And so, of course, just because I'm me, I literally go to the Grammys with a group and sit there and hope against hope that they will not win. And they fucking those bitches win. And everyone is standing up and hugging and I'm like, high fiving. Then like, yeah, yeah, put her. Fist bump, fist bump. Put her there, put her there.

[Brian Bishop]

Why is Adam sitting with Brooks and Dunn?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And Lynette's pissed. And I haul off to do Loveline that night. And then the whole debacle begins after that. And I. I know many people have heard this story. It's in one of those books somewhere. But I'll. I'll just tell Adam that I was sharing an office with Jimmy Kimmel.

[Adam Goldberg]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And the following.

[Adam Goldberg]

He's the one on the left.

[Brian Bishop]

The middle one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Adam Goldberg]

Right on the Jimmy Kimmel show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's right.

[Brad Williams]

He's on the right.

[Adam Goldberg]

He's on the right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's doing. I think he's doing drive time in Tampa or something. Now.

[Adam Goldberg]

He.

[Adam Carolla]

He is shooting me a tweet every once in a while. He thinks he's. You know, he's always, Always looking for cash, but I think he's. He's landed on his feet. He's been sober for like 19 months now, and I think he's fine. He's doing good. He's doing good for himself. He's happy. That's all we can ask. Anyway, so you share an office. Yeah. So we're sharing an office. And the next day, huge bouquet of flowers sitting on my desk saying, had a great time last night. Give me a call. Natalie. Oh, now what's. Now, Gina, what do you think?

[Gina Grad]

What do I think?

[Adam Carolla]

What do I got to do now?

[Gina Grad]

You gotta dump those flowers quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we saw a picture of her. Did we not?

[Gina Grad]

Or you should recycle.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, but hold on.

[Brian Bishop]

Smoldering. Good luck.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got a banjo case filled with cash now.

[Gina Grad]

But now. But now Lynette has a movie motive. That's true, but you should recycle the flowers. That's the move. You got to burn those flowers.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Lynette, look. I got you flowers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, he's done that before. It didn't go well.

[Adam Carolla]

I tried that. That didn't work so well. I'm not going to bring the flowers home.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

What the FTD man. And then Lynette's not showing up to the office, so I'm cool at the office. But I do have a phone number that says you need to click call me. Well, she gave me flowers. She's hot off winning a Grammy, and she said, give me a call.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So that night, when I was heading into Loveline, I called, and she picked up the phone and she said, oh, my God, I'm in my bedroom right now and I'm watching you on mtv. And I was like, oh, she's got it bad. She's got it bad for the ace, man. And I said, natalie, I think thought I had a really nice time. I thought the flowers were really nice. And, you know, I have a girlfriend, but I thought the flowers were cool. And, you know, next time you're in la, come do the radio show and we'll have a good time. And she said, all right. Sounds good. Hung up the phone. And then the next day, I showed up to work, and there was one of those giant Mrs. Fields cookies. Like, size of a manhole cup, it says, like, you know. You know I got a crush on you, Adam. Give me a call, Natalie. And I was like, wow. Wow. By the way, where was she when I was in high school? Like, jacking myself half to death? I was like, whoa.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And Jimmy was like, this chick's out of hand, man. She's out of hand.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynette's gonna catch wind. This is going to ruin your whole relationship.

[Adam Goldberg]

How long have you been with Lynette?

[Adam Carolla]

About a couple of years. Maybe a year and a half or two years at that. At that point, did you, in your

[Gina Grad]

quietest moment, consider maybe a little shift in relationships? She sent a cookie for the whole audience.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam took a sip of beer. We did not edit out his response.

[Gina Grad]

It's just us.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. Listen, I have a fucking constitution against good new pussy or something. I don't. I don't know what it was, but I swear to God, Lynette will put her hand on a stack of Bibles. I was at a fucking party with Fergie, and Fergie was Coming on to me when she was in a band called the Wild Orchids or something. And this has nothing to do with me. This is all MTV fans, fame, and Lynette, like, basically was gonna punch her and told her to off. So I got a couple of good hypothetical pieces of. In my feather cap here, you know what I mean? I'm gonna tell my kids stories about hot chicks. The daddy never.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah, but you can bank that stuff. You bank it, you use it when

[Adam Carolla]

you need it, and then you don't

[Adam Goldberg]

have to deal with the actual relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? I banked it. I banked it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Think about making a little withdrawal tonight. Actually, look at this picture.

[Adam Goldberg]

I think you already did on my shoe.

[Adam Carolla]

So I get the big cookie. And again with the you need to call me now, you know, And I said, I'll call her when I. And I called her on the way into Loveline once again. And she picked up the phone once again and play Misty for me. And I realize that this is a Clint Eastwood movie. And I said, hey, listen, it's Adam. And you know, I really think you're really nice and everything, but I. I do have a girlfriend. And. And. But you're really sweet and, you know, and then when you come into LA again, she's like, in Nashville, do the radio show. It'll be fun, you know. And she said, yeah, okay.

[Adam Goldberg]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hung up. The fuck? And then the next day, there was a six foot sub sandwich.

[Adam Goldberg]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Waiting there. Oh, my God. Six foot sub from Giamello's, by the way, a place I like and had a big sign stuck in it, and it said, I will not be ignored. And Jimmy's like, you better call that because she's a psychopath. And if. If you had a cat or a rabbit, she would drown them both. And you better pick up the phone right now and you better call. You better straighten around before Lynette finds out about this and ruins the whole relationship. And I said, jimmy, this is a joke. This is. This is her having a sense of humor. She got a six foot sub for me, you know, this is not a sexual predator kind of thing. This is a funny. This is a sense of you. I. I'm not gonna call her an embarrass her because she's doing this as like an offering, you know, and you

[Adam Goldberg]

could still her if you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right. That's a subject song.

[Gina Grad]

Wide open spaces.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm feeling wide open. Okay, so next day, a box with a head in it, human head. Brad Pitt's wife's head. No box on my desk with a pair of what I can only think of as what would be soiled panties or spent as they call it in the military. Come on. But they're panties.

[Adam Goldberg]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Gently used panties in the drawer. Gently and gently used panties. Previously I and Jimmy says, call her right now. She's a psycho. You call her right now. And I said, yeah, you know, I'll call her when I'm heading into Loveline or whatever. And he said, are you kidding me? You've done that the last three nights. Hasn't gotten you anywhere. You call her right now. We put the end of this right now. And I said, I, I shall. But first I must do first off. I can't hear you. Let me turn, turn the leg hole around so it's on my ear. I literally did a few victory laps around the office with the panties on said head. She just won the Grammy, everybody. What if the super hot banjo picking blonde had just won that? You're holding her panties. You tell me you're working at a man show. That wouldn't necessitate half dozen victory laps. Yeah, so I was done going to the writers room and, you know, turning the hole around so I could talk and then bring it around again so I could listen and that kind of stuff and high fives at a certain point. Jimmy said, look, you don't call her, I will, but this bitch is nuts. And you call her right now. And I said, you're goddamn right I'll call her. And he said, pick up that phone and don't mince any words because she's nuts. You tried being nice, it didn't work. So you call her and you tell her no uncertain terms, she needs to get her fucking shit together and get out of your life. She's ruining a relationship. And I said, you're goddamn right. And I dialed the phone right from my desk and Jimmy's desk right in front of mine and she picked up and she said, I'm in a Pottery Barn with my mom. And I was like, listen, I don't care who you're with. I don't know where you are. You want to, I get it. I want to too, but I don't know how many times I got to tell you, I have a girlfriend and you're torturing me with this. And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I was like, what do you mean you know what you're talking about. Flowers. You send flowers. And she's yeah, yeah, chocolate chip cookie panties I'm wearing them on my head right now. She's like, six foot sub. She goes, what the fuck are you talking about? I said, don't. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You sent all this shit? We had the sub yesterday and the cookie the other day. She's like, I didn't send you shit. I said, hold on, hold on. I called you and thanked you for the flowers, and you said, no problem, you deserve them. I said, what about that? Then don't tell me you didn't send the flowers. I didn't send the flowers. I said, well, I thanked you for him and you said, no problem. She said, what the fuck would you say if somebody called you? And I realized, like, if my phone rang at 4am and a heavyset man of color said, hey, man, I want to thank you for those roses.

[Adam Goldberg]

I beg.

[Adam Carolla]

Put them in water. You deserve them, Lucius. All right back at you, brother. Get some sleep now.

[Podcast Announcer]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

You're welcome. You deserve them.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

You deserve.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to hang up. Why? Why would you deny it? Obviously now she figured her publicist, like, sent over the flowers or some shit like that. So I'm like, are you kidding? What about the panties? And she's like, are you high? No, I didn't send you panties. And I was like, you. You know, it's like gears grinding and smoke. And I've been living this live for the last week. And I look up because I'm like sweating onto my bladder and I'm like, are you serious? And where's your mom now? Can she hear any of this? And, oh, my God. And you don't get it. And I look up and Jimmy is standing on his desk with a camcorder. Awesome.

[Adam Goldberg]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

He's standing on his desk. Amazing, but not a good enough vantage point to be standing in front of. He's standing on his desk holding a video camera the entire time. And I'm just like, Natalie, I don't. I'm so. I don't even know where. I can't. What did I. I don't know what. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't even know what to claim of that.

[Gina Grad]

The question is, whose panties were they?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's. That's the comedy.

[Adam Goldberg]

Sarah Silverman.

[Adam Carolla]

Sarah Silverman's panties. Wait, so is that video. No, the panties. The comedy is. The comedy is that not until 10 years later I was telling this story, I think, at the will turn or something, and Jimmy came out to, you know, say hi and what, whatever. And he Said, you know where those panties came from? And I was like, I don't know. I assume you just got them at the. Mrs. Fields, send some intern lackey out to do your bidding. And he told me to get some panties too. And he's like, no, no, no. We panicked. Like when you were coming up the driveway, you know, coming through the parking lot, and that was our receptionist. Panties.

[Gina Grad]

Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Her name was Anna Angela. And that's why when you'd called everyone into the office and you're doing a weird like fire eater routine with the pen. Remember the chick that looked like she wanted to throw up? It's like she did seem perturbed by me spinning them over my head, putting them on my head and all that. It's like, yeah, that was Angela. Those were Angela's panties.

[Gina Grad]

Was there no HR at the mansion?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Simpler times, man. We're like the boss man could just like, give me your panties now, sweetheart. And she like, what? Don't ask questions. Time's a wasting. We have an elaborate ruse we're in the middle of. Look it up. Now give me those panties.

[Adam Goldberg]

This was 67, right?

[Adam Carolla]

67.

[Brian Bishop]

68.

[Adam Carolla]

When the admin. Yeah. Smoking in elevators, three martinis every lunch.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So Tina's question. Do you still talk to Natalie?

[Adam Goldberg]

Oh, yeah. Tina. His question.

[Adam Carolla]

They.

[Brian Bishop]

She still has a microphone.

[Adam Carolla]

They.

[Gina Grad]

I'm just guess. No, the.

[Adam Carolla]

The Dixie Chicks showed up to do Loveline. Brian, I don't know if you were there at the time. No, they showed up to do Loveline about a year later and brought a six foot sub sandwich and full, nice full deli spread with them.

[Brian Bishop]

That should have been your tell was that all the food was big and delicious. Of course, Jimmy was behind it.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember coming, going. I was. It was funny. I was like, giamlos. I love that place she lives in, right? She lives in Nashville. How does. She's so tied in. She's got her thumb squarely on the pulse of the hoagie and sub sandwich culture in the, in the Hollywood area, man. It's not just all about, you know, picking and, and grinning and she knows hoagie's grinders too, you know, like a man. And it was weird too, because all the writers at like 11:45 were filing in with paper plates and knives and stuff. And I'm like, how did you guys. You guys are normally at lunch. Why is everyone. I should have known.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, well, and that's the difference between. And Kristen, tell me if you agree. That's the Difference between male friendships and female friendships. Because that would have ended a female friendship. But you and Jimmy are thick as thieves.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that.

[Brad Williams]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

You. It. That is the kind of thing where you just have to fucking tip your cap to that guy. I mean, you. I mean. I know. I mean, the second. It started when. When I got the call from my manager saying that she wanted me to escort her to the Grammys. Probably a month before the Grammys, I'll bet you. Jimmy started. He went down to the war room. Probably had a little mock up of our office. Gentlemen.

[Brian Bishop]

He's moving. Little army man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's pushing it around with a stick. You know, we all know what's at stake here. Sandbags piled up around it, you know? Yeah, he probably hooked up the date. No, he didn't.

[Adam Goldberg]

He introduced you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he didn't. Well, you gotta understand, he didn't have that. That much juice.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. In the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Back. Back then. But. No, but he's. But the point is, is he saw an opportunity, he took it and he dry fucked it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he really.

[Adam Goldberg]

So that video. Does that video exist of you?

[Adam Carolla]

He has it. He has it somewhere.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

I'd like to have.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to see that too.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Shall we do some news? By the way, I. I should tell. I should say. Thank you. That Chris and Carney over here has got a few live dates. And what you should do is you should check her website for summer live shows. Kristen with a. With a Kristen Carney dot com. There you go.

[Gina Grad]

You got it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Oh, TiVo. Oh, totally topical. TiVo trivia. Jesus Christ. Oh, it's Fourth of July themed. All right, Gary, relax over there.

[Gina Grad]

Angry.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what?

[Adam Goldberg]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

He's an angry patriot. I think. I think we should. I think. I know you got. Dawson, you're drunk and high right now. You're no condition. That's me 24 hours a day, boss. I know, I know, but I. I think we should just do some news. I've been. I've been talking enough, all right?

[Brian Bishop]

Movies will still be good next year.

[Adam Goldberg]

Can I just.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sorry, can it.

[Adam Goldberg]

May I just order a beer? Yeah, I got the tenders, but I wouldn't mind if they saw me spill the jizzle over me and they didn't want to offer me a beer. Then after that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Gina Grad]

That's just bad form.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I. I wouldn't mind a beer or possibly even a mangrove. Thank you very much. Enjoy. All right, let's do some news with Gina grad.

[Gina Grad]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me the News with Grad News with Gina Grad. Showbiz Congress Tech news, sports news, World news. Give me News with Gina Grad with shit out of Florida Sex surveys. Obama meet News with Gina Gina the News with Gina Grad Grand.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it is officially legal to smoke weed in Oregon.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Oregon residents age 21 and older can now smoke privately, grow up to four plants, and possess up to eight ounces at home and one ounce outside the home. Oregon now joins about half of the US States that allow for medical marijuana use.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Just. Gays marry. Heschers unite.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

La.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just fuck on with our lives. Can we please? Please, let's finish that bullet train to Vegas. Can we please, that we've been talking about since high school. Please. Everyone who wants to smoke pot, smoke pot. Everyone says, suck a cock, suck a cock, and let's get the fuck on with it. Please. You're eating into precious time. I could be complaining about other things. It's driving me insane.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone smoke pot. Everyone get married. Everyone. Everybody do everything. And let's stop arguing about it. Oh. Oh, my mangria. Thank you. Oh, bros only. Oh, okay. All right.

[Gina Grad]

Adam, do you have. Do you have your.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I drank Adam's beer.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

It's all right.

[Gina Grad]

He's busting tables.

[Adam Carolla]

What now?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

We gotta get.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll get him another one. Get him another one. Why don't you, why don't you combine them?

[Adam Goldberg]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now.

[Adam Goldberg]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. I'm not. I have a problem, but I'm not out of control. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Do you have your recommendation? Your medical marijuana recommendation? Called a recommendation?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it was a recommendation. No, I asked Dawson for some sleepy time pot the other. The other day.

[Gina Grad]

The indica.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what it is? It did not put me to sleep. It. All it made me do is enjoy whatever I was watching on TV more.

[Gina Grad]

What's wrong with that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I, I. There's nothing. There's nothing wrong with that. And an Adam's movie I enjoyed anyway. And in addition to.

[Adam Goldberg]

I think it might have helped.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe it didn't. Hoyt is your folks would say, right? Yeah, yeah.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

It just.

[Adam Carolla]

It's one of those, if you want to do it, do it, and if you don't want to do it, don't do it, and let's get the on with it.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

That's.

[Adam Goldberg]

Amen.

[Adam Carolla]

I know it's 2015. Where are our shiny gray jumpsuits and hover graphs and things? Yes. Yes. Still fucking arguing over this. My mom had a pot plant in our backyard in 1976 or so.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. My mom got pissed at me because I didn't smoke pot with her, but tried to buy it from the neighborhood neighbor.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. So that I got in trouble and grounded for it because she said to me when I was 11 or 12 or whatever it was, you have to smoke if you're gonna smoke pot, smoke mine. Right. And then I was like, I'm not gonna smoke because that's, you know, that's felt a little edible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, because where does it end, you know? Now you're 17, look, you're gonna eat. I want to know where you are. That's right. Running the streets like a wild dog.

[Adam Goldberg]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm saying if you're. We'll keep an eye on it. We know where you are. Yeah. Anyway, I meant no disrespect. Go ahead.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Goldberg]

Not at all. I mean, that's the idea.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that was the basic idea. Yeah. No, I wanted extrapolation of the same idea. I wanted to buy.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. Pop from a woman who was not my mother or from a person who was not related to me in some way. And so then I got in a lot of trouble.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

My.

[Adam Carolla]

My mom called them herbal cigarettes.

[Gina Grad]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, you get. I think you get judged much more for smoking a cigarette now than you do for smoking weed, right?

[Gina Grad]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to tell me if you guys have seen this in a million years. I went to an old guy's house today. I mean, the guy is 79, 80, pack of Chesterfields and smoking away. And I just, you know, I know they're. You don't see old guy smoking. They're dead. But it is kind of old school.

[Gina Grad]

It's charming.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something nice about it. And then there's an element of. The guy's wife's not around, and he also. So what?

[Adam Goldberg]

He's going to die of cancer. He's going to die. Maybe he's 90. He's going to die anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

He's dying anyway. And by the way, he's putzing around in something that's close to pajamas, reading John Grisham novels. Like, what the do we need him to do?

[Brian Bishop]

There's more to this story. Who was this guy?

[Adam Carolla]

What was you. Oh, what was I doing? What was I doing? Okay.

[Gina Grad]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, the kids were riding shotgun to this dude's house. And his house, this dude's house, smelled like a widower who chain smoked, who had a lot of shag from the 70s and didn't take it outside with The. With the Winston. See, you know, like, when you open that big oak front door, you got that whoosh of, like, old man smoking on duty here. I was looking at a house up the street from my house, and I took my kids. I like real estate. I'm talking about building a super house, an envelope house, like a brand new house that's state of the art, and I want to build the thing myself and blah, blah, blah. And this guy lives in a house. It's weird when you're only looking because you're gonna bulldoze the house and build a new house, and the guy's walking in and like. Well, we got the master bedroom over here. There's plenty of square footage with a vanity.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

All righty. All righty.

[Brad Williams]

You don't.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't even want to go in.

[Adam Goldberg]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I can see it from here. Looks good. Looks good. Everything looks good.

[Adam Goldberg]

So you're waiting for this man to die?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, I'm hoping that he. I'm not waiting. I'm actively praying. You're. Yeah. Here, have another cigarette. Hey, I brought you a pack of smokes. Yeah. Yeah. You can light the second one off the first one. That's a trick they learn in the army.

[Adam Goldberg]

This doesn't have a filter.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. For the ladies.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the news portion of the show.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we. No, I'm not. He's selling the house. It's just the only way I would buy it would be to bulldoze it and build my super house.

[Brian Bishop]

House.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's weird when the realtor is attempting to show you a house that you're not even looking at.

[Brian Bishop]

There's hardwood, but look at the crown molding.

[Adam Goldberg]

Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like, all right, that'll look. Yeah. Blow right through that. Yeah. Huh. My daughter, knowing this, still told Sonny that one of the bedrooms upstairs was hers.

[Brian Bishop]

It's that shotgun thing.

[Adam Goldberg]

She got sock out on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Right, right. It was still claiming the one for. For. For herself. Yeah. So anyway, old dude smoking it, like, it felt. It felt right. Like all was right in the world for just one moment. So. All right. We can smoke pot in Oregon. Good. And we can grow pot, right?

[Gina Grad]

Sure. Up to eight ounces in your home. Four plants.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Get it on. TV Land has pulled reruns of Dukes of Hazzard.

[Adam Carolla]

Our forefathers grew hemp, you know?

[Gina Grad]

They sure did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. They also grew slaves. Everyone shuts the up when you say that.

[Gina Grad]

But do you. Do you know why they.

[Adam Carolla]

The Hescher shut Up with that one.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Do you know why they stopped growing slaves?

[Adam Goldberg]

Growing.

[Gina Grad]

Growing. Hemp.

[Adam Carolla]

Hemp.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Big cotton. Big cotton.

[Adam Carolla]

Big cotton.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What you think would be awesome? A huge cotton ball.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? I'd like to dive into that. Turns out it's bad.

[Brian Bishop]

The original bounce house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, That's. That's what they had.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Super nice parties. Hey, man, take your boots off before you get onto our giant big cotton ball. That's right. Sorry. Where were we?

[Adam Goldberg]

Well.

[Gina Grad]

TV Land.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Big cotton. Shut them down. Yeah. All right.

[Gina Grad]

TV Land has pulled, man.

[Adam Carolla]

So it must have been cool. No, but I mean, like, if you. You were a slave.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're like, what are you guys doing all day? Well, we're just smoking a lot of weed and kind of keeping an eye on the pot farm, but there's not really anything to do. And then at some point, big cotton comes along, rips out all the hemp, and is like, hey, folks. Slaves.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Need you on your feet over here. We gotta pick some cotton. Picking cotton.

[Brian Bishop]

What a rude awakening that was.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I imagine there's a lot of salad days before that and just.

[Gina Grad]

Lyman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Once in a while, you head into the big house, have a little sex, but other than that, it's pretty much just watching the pot grow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then big cotton comes in, the whole thing up. I'm not a history buff, but I think I know the lay of the land. So that movie you're doing, that Vietnam movie movie about where you guys landed in Normandy over there.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That was awesome, man.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Korea, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You really up those Koreans, man. Pretty bad. Pretty bad over there. Korea. Yep. Thank God we had the Italians. Fucking had our. Had our six. We probably couldn't have pulled that shit off anyway. Go ahead.

[Gina Grad]

I'm scared. TV Land pulled reruns of Dukes of Hazzard in light of the recent uproar about the Confederate flag that General Lee going away. 19 Dodge Charger, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Problem solved.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, problem solved. Well, there goes the school to prison Pipeline. The novelty mobile from the PI, by the way, that is if. Okay, those are. They're. They're caricatures, like slide. Like Enis and Boss Hog and all that kind of stuff.

[Gina Grad]

All right, well, generally and beyond that, Warner Brothers announced that it'll stop licensing the toy cars. And the models featured, anything featured with the flag, those are gone. Collectors.

[Adam Carolla]

I going to get that car now. Toy car?

[Adam Goldberg]

This?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man, who cares?

[Adam Goldberg]

So people can get their Confederate flag.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I Agree. But then who cares the other way, too. Like it's not going to. Who cares both ways. That's the. That's what I want to. That's what I want to say. Huh? All right,

[Gina Grad]

now your dog can help you get dates. Tindog, as opposed to Tinder.

[Adam Carolla]

No, please.

[Gina Grad]

It's an app specifically. Tindog.

[Adam Carolla]

An app specifically. I'm the only one who gets to my dog. Hold on. I was about to hold the. On doesn't count.

[Brian Bishop]

Any ideas?

[Adam Carolla]

Does it come with anyone's gonna. Molly, it's me. I'm not fucking farming this out the. And now what's probably gonna cost me? No, no. I handle it myself.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, well, this app might not be for you then.

[Brad Williams]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

This is for dog owners who want to connect with other dog owners. Tindog lets you build a profile, but the profile has to have your picture with your pet. The profile must include your pup, the vital stat his or her age, breed traits. They think that dogs make the best wingman. So.

[Brian Bishop]

So, you know, isn't that the whole thing? You know, the park with the dog.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah, but who wants to get up?

[Adam Carolla]

So you. You hook up. By the way, is there anything more uncomfortable than the sniffing of the assholes that you have to kind of pretend isn't happening?

[Adam Goldberg]

Tangled.

[Gina Grad]

The leashes get tangled. So then you have to have some sort of interaction untangling. So you have to decide who's going to untangle.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's fine if you're attempting to get laid, but when the mom is picking up your son for basketball practice two days ago, but she's also. This is his friend Jensen's mom in the minivan, but they're also taking the dog to the groomer. So the dog's got to come out and have this. This sort of. It's the yin yang symbol of asshole sniffing with the.

[Brian Bishop]

It's endless.

[Adam Carolla]

It's an endless, endless asshole sniffing that takes place at your knees while by my front door that you have to kind of look up and pretend it's not really going on. Or do you yank or do you. You make some comments?

[Gina Grad]

You don't acknowledge it. I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't acknowledge it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

Talking about my whole career.

[Adam Carolla]

That's your whole career.

[Adam Goldberg]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how I get hired.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah. Unfortunately, that's a rough business.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. So this for straight dudes. No, wait. Straight dogs. Oh, my God. What if your dog's gay? What if my dog starts identifying as the master?

[Gina Grad]

That's grind dog. Instead of Grinder. Yeah. Grind Dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Well, that would be another app called Trans Dog.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Tindog. Okay. All right.

[Gina Grad]

Lionsgate said Wednesday it will turn the Monopoly game into a feature length film in collaboration with toy maker Hasbro. The film's plot, this is the best part. The film's plot will center on a boy from Baltic Avenue who uses both chance and community in a quest to make his fortune.

[Adam Goldberg]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no, no, no. We all thought the Lego Movie was gonna be stupid, and it rocks. Give it a chance.

[Gina Grad]

The lego movie made $468 million.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, that's obviously what. What's going on. How bummed out were you when you were the iron? Like, come on, sis, let me be the top hat now. You're not top hat material. You'll that up royally. By the way, the guy who invented Monopoly, he had to put the one shitty thing in there that he knew would cause a huge argument. Brother and sister over. I'm gonna get a real iron and go up the side of your head with it. If I don't get to be that goddamn top hat now, you know, I'm top hat guy. I'm not iron guy. What was the other one? Was there wheelbarrow?

[Gina Grad]

There was a dog. There was a thimble. Yeah. Thimble, dog, iron. They put the thimble in the iron there for the women or something.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think my. Oh, race car.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why would you put a iron in there?

[Gina Grad]

A shoe. An old timey shoe.

[Adam Carolla]

Old timey shoe, yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta be honest. The iron is better than the thimble. I'd rather be an iron than a thimble. At least an iron can be a weapon. A thimble's a.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's like they put those two pieces in there for the women or something.

[Adam Carolla]

I treated the thimble like it was a up hat or shot glass. A shot glass. By the way, it's gonna be crazy with my kids because my daughter's gonna be like, what is this thing with the dimples in it that looks like a trash can? And we go, that's of kind called a thimble. And she's going to go, how does it work? And I'm going to go ask your m. Oh, wait a minute. Ask the nanny. Thank you.

[Adam Goldberg]

Thank you.

[Gina Grad]

All right, well, a gun range owner in Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

Uhhuh.

[Gina Grad]

Is making a play for a permit to allow him to serve alcohol at the gun range. What could possibly go wrong? Yeah.

[Adam Goldberg]

Finally.

[Adam Carolla]

Florida.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Ron Perkinson, owner of Volusia Top Gun claims he's not being reckless. He plans on keeping tabs on who's drinking by holding their driver's license. And he also wants to reinforce the walls so that adjacent businesses don't have to deal with those stray bullets.

[Adam Carolla]

Usa. Usa. Usa. Well, that's all on. But let's be fair. Most, most gun play slash interaction that takes place over your lifetime is going to happen with a like at least a four beer buzz. You should be ready.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean, it's not like. Well, I'm totally sober and it's noon and it's Sunday and I'm walking down the street and I'm like, there's gunplay. No, it's outside the nightclub, right? Yeah, it's the cops and the dui. Like, I mean it's, it's, it's always some booze fueled something. The domestic violence, whatever goes on. Somebody's had a couple of pops, right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so I'm saying this is good training.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Practice like you good practical. Oh, we're looking at the guy. How out is Top Gun, by the way?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, in terms of like the name of the place.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, before the Tom Cruise movie, it was never discussed and never heard of. And now it's Top Gun. There's Top Gun attorneys, there's Top Gun Gun range owners. There's like a Top Gun nanny service, there's a Top Gun hospice care.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all.

[Brian Bishop]

There's no end before you get it done.

[Adam Carolla]

Man wanna do this, don't you, dude? Let's go now.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I have to say as somebody who, as somebody who frequents gun ranges, I would much rather go to the, the alcohol free gun range. But that's just my preference. I could be an. Look, all right,

[Adam Carolla]

sweat on the matter, bleed on the street. I mean, you're drunk and trying to get your gun out of your purse and can't figure it out and the Crips and the Bloods are coming down on you both. You're going to wish you knew how to operate with a couple pops in you. You be praying you were in Florida with this Top Gun dude.

[Allison Rosen]

But I didn't know.

[Gina Grad]

My only other choice was to get double teamed by the Crips and the Blood.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm not saying you're asking for it, but not having a plan is the same as planning to be double teamed by Crips and Bloods. As my grandpappy used to say, I'd like to be able to work at guns blackout drunk.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then every you know, and then again, if gunplay breaks out and you only have a, you know, three beer buzz, you're feeling pretty. Pretty on top of things.

[Gina Grad]

Top of the world.

[Brian Bishop]

Stone cold sober at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, what percentage of gunplay takes place where one of the other people is not sober? Like I figure, I feel like 82% of gunplay involves somebody who shit faced. Right?

[Gina Grad]

Especially between cops. I'm assuming they're always drunk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, cops always got. Well, who's going to pull them over?

[Adam Goldberg]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

You pull yourself over.

[Adam Goldberg]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, I'm going to breathalyze myself. I have super low self esteem. It's just good training people. And I'm sorry if I have to deliver some unpopular news, but I'm a hero and that's what heroes do. This is like I'm the president and we just found out the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. But I'm not gonna say shit because I don't want to upset people. Bullshit. You guys need to know the truth. You guys all need to get drunk and go home and play with your guns tonight. Not in an irresponsible way or disrespectful way, but in a way that involves training. While you're doing drunk with your gun,

[Adam Goldberg]

why don't you stop talking for a while?

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Thank you, Brian. All right, one more.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Pregnant woman, Amanda Pangborn has been in the news this week. She was stranded.

[Adam Carolla]

She should get drunk and play with her gun.

[Gina Grad]

That actually would have helped.

[Adam Carolla]

She's.

[Gina Grad]

That's how she got.

[Adam Carolla]

She's shooting for two.

[Gina Grad]

She was stranded in a northern California forest. She said she was forced. Forced to give birth alone while living off at apples, fending off bees and even starting a massive forest fire so that they could find her. She was driving to her parents house, but she felt like she was going into labor so she decided to take a back road to a remote part of the town. She ran out of gas, her cell phone died. She then during that time she gave birth to her daughter, she says, while fighting off bees who are trying to eat the placenta.

[Brian Bishop]

Same thing as grits.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Speaking of trying to eat the placenta, how about the fucking lasagna that's sitting in front of me at the evening news? Sweetie, maybe save this one for the late night stuff. When I got my nice Dawson buzz going, like I spent my entire high school career fighting off bees. It was like D's or bust. Like I was like, no bees shall enter this house.

[Brian Bishop]

Successfully avoided bees again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow, this is so biblical. What he's doing, right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. This happened this week, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

And kids got a good story, right?

[Gina Grad]

Sure. They. So far it checks out. I mean, they. They know she started the forest fire, and they know she had a baby.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Did.

[Adam Carolla]

Where was the husband? Not around.

[Gina Grad]

Come, come, come now.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, but she. I don't know. She looks like the kind of person that may be married.

[Gina Grad]

Maybe betrothed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, so she gave birth in

[Gina Grad]

the woods, by the way, she found obese.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The fact that everyone was born in the woods for a kabillion years, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How come we don't factor that in when it comes to the story, you know what I mean? I feel like we're getting a little.

[Adam Goldberg]

A little.

[Adam Carolla]

A little soft.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then shade apples.

[Gina Grad]

Was she wandering the forest in this hospital gown? I don't know where that comes into play.

[Adam Carolla]

Seems like that may have been issued to her at some point.

[Brian Bishop]

She probably.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's just a hunt with a laugh.

[Gina Grad]

Mic.

[Adam Goldberg]

She's miked also.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, you got to run that mic under the gown. I tell the. Tell the crew that every time. Yeah. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Gina Grad]

I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Adam Goldberg]

Gina.

[Brian Bishop]

Gina.

[Brad Williams]

That was the news with Gina Grad.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now live read. You guys wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, wait, you got the three, right? Gina grad, you got the. You got MX3.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, I love it. I do have it for five years.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, wait a minute.

[Gina Grad]

I have a Mazda three.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a three?

[Adam Goldberg]

Two.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, two as well. I mean, also three together. You have a six. It's the best five, cuz I want to. I got to practice my heel toe technique with the stick shift and everything. Yeah. Nimble, quick Mazda, man. Sky active technology. These guys love cars. They're passionate. While these other car manufacturing are like, hey, we're going to build a car and you can go in the back seat and get in the fetal position, put your thumb up your ass and just dream about your destination, and the car will take you there. Not Mazda. They like driving, man. They're old school and they're badass. They're Mazda. They got chassis are nimble at low speeds and stable at high speeds. Good fuel economy, low emissions, outstanding driving performance. Mazda. Because driving matters, all right?

[Gina Grad]

You know, it's a good car if I can drive it also.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a selling point.

[Adam Carolla]

2. We were the two chicks up on stage, both driving the trees. Chris and Carney, everybody. Why don't you just go to her website, ChrisAndKarni.com Adam Goldberg. No way, Jose. He wrote this. He directed it, he starred in it. It is a really, really nice piece. And I, I, I, I know I sound all Hollywoody, but I really enjoyed it, and I really appreciate this. Your performance was really, really strong, and it's really good. And it's available on DVD and digital download that is July 7th. Website AdamGoldberg.com believe it or not. Yeah. Super simple. Until next time, this is Adam for Kristen. And Kristen and Adam and Adam. And Gina and Gina and Bald, saying mahalo,

[Pluto TV Announcer]

hello, and welcome to Pluto. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch. Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Men in Black, one through three.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Mean Girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Shut up.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Titanic, I'm the king of the world. And so much more. For show times, press nothing. They're free 24. 7.

[Gina Grad]

That is so fast.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

On Pluto TV. Stream now paid ever.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right, that was ADAM Croll Show 1608. Coming up next, we have the very next episode, adam Crollo Show 1609, featuring Charles Johnson. Not in this portion. Along with Gina Grad and Brian Bishop. This is just the opening from the show where I'm talking about the fireworks and everything they did over the holiday. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day. Gina Grant, good day to you. And Ball. Bryan, Great story. Compelling and rich.

[Brian Bishop]

That was requested by a guy named Cody. Cody is a big fan of the show, and he also runs a Adam Carolla show page on Facebook. He has, like, a page that helps run. It's dedicated to the show. He has cancer. Unfortunately, he's going in for surgery, and he said, I'd love to hear this drop, if you wouldn't mind. And he's got a GoFundMe page if you guys want to look him up. Cody Cook, if you're feeling charitable, he's a big fan of the show, but he wanted to hear that drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Cody. We appreciate him. We wish you Godspeed, luck on all the cancer business. All right, so some thoughts.

[Brian Bishop]

Starting the show on a high note.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we went out and did a little Fourth of July action that was on Saturday. So I want to hear what everyone did on their 4th of July. I had a good time, went down to the beach, but I'll hear what you guys did.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw pictures from Malibu.

[Adam Carolla]

We saw pictures.

[Brian Bishop]

Pictures of you from Malibu.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

I saw.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know who took the pictures.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Tmz.

[Adam Carolla]

Tmz. Aerial coverage. Yeah, Our plan was to go to the colonies, which are like la di da. Malibu. That's the Johnny Carson. Malibu.

[Gina Grad]

Never even heard of it.

[Adam Carolla]

You never heard of the colonies?

[Gina Grad]

Colonies.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the colonies.

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta be a certain level before they even tell you about the colonies. Yeah, we can learn about.

[Adam Carolla]

Perhaps I've said too much. Sheena, could you excuse yourself?

[Podcast Announcer]

Totally.

[Adam Carolla]

The colonies, I'm going to say it's a strip of land and a street that runs in the middle of Malibu. Probably half mile long. Probably 20, 25 houses along the colonies. And it's right up against the ocean. And everyone has sort of a bridge ladder thing that goes from the ocean up to their back porch. Ooh la la. Yeah. And then you just see the Pacific just sort of crash against it.

[Brian Bishop]

I have a rich guy question for people like that. How, when you own that property, do you own the beach? Do you own the property up until the water?

[Gina Grad]

I think as far as the public knows, you own the beach, but I don't think you really do.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina's right.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

The.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The deal is, is, like, it's a private beach, but it's not a private beach. You can go walking across it if you like. There's not much to it. So if you're bringing your kids out from sunlight, not much beach to play on. It's just you're playing in front of Johnny Carson's house, which sounds kind of cool, but the reality is people rent these places for the summer, and the summer rentals, I really don't know, but it's, you know, 100 grand for, you know, July, August, September, or whatever it is. Yeah, it's. It's nutty crazy. You give them a hundred grand and then you. You just use it or, or you get it for one day. I don't. I don't know. But anyway, Phil Rosenthal.

[Brian Bishop]

I think most people do it for the whole summer. The people who do those kinds of places.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody Loves Raymond. And he got the place, he got the food, he got the shuttle, he got the whole nine yards. And it's like, well, that's definitely where we're going. And then the plan was we're going to go from that place to Bill Simmons place, which was about 3 miles down PCA.

[Brian Bishop]

Another rental.

[Adam Carolla]

Another rental. But at a certain. Not in the colonies, but at a certain point, the booze, the sun, and the shuttle kick in, which is you gotta get in the shuttle and go back to where your car is at the elementary school that's up Malibu Canyon

[Brian Bishop]

and the kids are all having fun. They're covered in sand.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and it's one of those. Rob Reiner sold his about a month ago. No, he rents his 100 square foot house in the colony. 100k a month. 100k a month?

[Gina Grad]

A month.

[Adam Carolla]

21, by the way, 2000 square feet. Not a big joint. The thing that's always funny about these places is they were all built in the 70s and the 60s and they kind of show their age in architecture and design. And you come pulling into this place and it's not much. 400 grand a month.

[Gina Grad]

Looks really Sherwood Schwartzy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, Very Brady Bunch esque. And just some sort of crappy 70s architecture and blah, blah, blah. Because whoever bought it bought it for $65,000 and they got it when the GR grandparents died in 1971. And now it's va voom.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not crazy opulence. You're paying for the privacy and the access to the beach, and basically you're

[Adam Carolla]

completely paying for location. But it is insane how what 2000 square feet looks like. And by the way, you can sort of extrapolate it. If Rob Reiner was gonna sell his plays, it'd be $12 million for the crappiest looking little shit box you've ever seen that's just being kissed by the ocean constantly. So we went over there, had some great food and some great booze and some great times. And then a certain point, her Justin Bieber was next door. It's really one of those celebrity things

[Brian Bishop]

where, like, I'm about to play this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's me and Phil Rosenthal standing there going, do you give a shit about Justin Bieber? And he says, no, but I want to go see him. You know, like this notion of, we got to get over there. We decided instead to walk with Paul Reiser down the front of the place to his place and went up and drank a little champagne, had a nice time.

[Brian Bishop]

This sounds like a fever dream.

[Gina Grad]

You kind of had to make Paul Reiser feel pretty good that you chose him over Justin Bieber.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there was this security guard standing in front of the stairs that hang in space. The space, which is the tide comes in, the tide comes out, the sand comes up, the sand goes down. And so there's a set of stairs that just sort of perpetually hang like three feet in the air just out there. And you can go try to get past the only black man in Malibu. In Malibu. In Malibu. And see if you can get up and say hi to the Biebs. Or you can just keep walking to Riser's joint.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And we had this funny thing, which is Riser has this dog, six month old, it's a boxer and super rambunctious and decided that Sonny was going to be its victim. And Sonny laid on a lounge chair. Yes, laid on a lounge chair with a, with a beach towel pulled over his head while the dog just jumped on his head and scraped and scraped and scraped. And it was this funny dance where Paul and his wife kept like screaming at the dog, leave him alone. Leave him alone. Get off there. Get down, get down. Sat there going, ah, leave him alone. He's having fun.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how he learns.

[Adam Carolla]

The dog's having fun. Sonny's doing whatever Sonny's doing. And who gives a circle life? It's, it's funny. I mean, the dog, you know, when Sonny would get up and walk away, the dog would get on his hind feet, like try to knock him over and stuff. The dog was like, you know, six months, but £55 and boxes are agile. When he got up on his hind legs, was up at Sonny's height, in was pawing and scratching and pushing, you know, and then certain points, son would get back up and get in the fetal position on the lounge chair and pull the blanket over his head. But the dog just jump on top of his head and run around his head.

[Brian Bishop]

So Sonny neither had fight nor flight.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Well, he doesn't have fight, but then flight's a calorie burner.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So he doesn't have. That's a policy. So he just lays out of sight on the lounge chair waiting to be impregnated by Paul Reiser's dog. You know, you could do worse. So he was just laying there and it was, they just kept going like, oh my God, no, no, get off there, Trixie, get off. Trixie, get off. Get off him. Get off. And I was like, ah, let him leave. Like fun, you know, the dog's fine, the kid's fine, the kids, you know, getting doing. He's learning what dogs do dogs doing, what dogs do dogs doing, what dogs doing.

[Gina Grad]

Did he ever try to mount Sonny at any point?

[Adam Carolla]

There was nothing overtly sexual, although, you know, I had my fingers crossed. But no, he was just having fun. Just sort of being six months old, finding everyone else was a full grown adult. And there was one little person, just Sonny, who he could have his way with. And Sonny wasn't putting up much of a fight. And he was going right after Him. And. And then like, like a dog, just sort of once he locked. He did his laser lock on Sonny.

[Brad Williams]

That was.

[Adam Carolla]

It was never non stop torment. Sonny imprinted on him. Yeah. There wasn't no fun for me or Phil's wife or whoever else was hanging out there. So good time then. Then you go up to the upper deck and they drag the barge. It's really fun. You get to.

[Brian Bishop]

What is dragging the barge?

[Adam Carolla]

Dragging the barge. You see this barge, It's a fireworks barge. It's getting dragged from a tugboat. It's coming from like Long beach or something.

[Brian Bishop]

They launch them from the ocean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you see the barge coming, coming, just way down, you know, just miles in the distance, just coming and coming and coming. And they're like, come on, stop that bar.

[Brian Bishop]

That's pretty goddamn spectacular.

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty, pretty bitching. And they literally park the barge somewhere in front of you. And then they just set it off. And there. There's separate barges going down the. I guess it's one of those things where it's like, if everybody on that stretch is giving the government a kabillion dollars a year in taxes, this is the one. Like, we'll spend 40 grand and we'll give you a nice.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's your barge.

[Adam Carolla]

Now shut up and pay your bonus barge. Yeah, you get the bonus barge. And there's a picture of Natalia just sort of standing there staring at the barge. It's a tugboat pulls it out there.

[Brian Bishop]

This is kind of like your version of getting your own sanitation worker or whatever you wanted for your taxes. Like, you know, the raw runners of the world get to get the barge. The private barge. Barge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The robber.

[Brian Bishop]

Tip of the cap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice to business with you.

[Adam Carolla]

This is one of those. You don't have to head to the park and sit on the blanket with the Mexicans. You get to go and watch your own barge. The show that goes on. And there's probably. As you look down the peninsula down Malibu, there's probably four or five of these things going off because they're no good. Once they get the Simmonses barge down the. Down the road, it's not going to work for our barge. It's three, four miles away. You know, you kind of need to park that barge. Yeah, you need your own barge.

[Brian Bishop]

You really do need your own barge.

[Adam Carolla]

You really do. It pays for itself.

[Brian Bishop]

You're losing money if you don't get your own barge.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So you can't afford not to pay. No, that's right. So we had a Good time.

[Brian Bishop]

And was that just for that one day or spend the night?

[Adam Carolla]

No, we just went out there, spent the day, ate all the food and said hi the. To all. All the weird nerdy guys like from the Simpsons and stuff. Which is sort of like this guy runs the Simpsons and they're like the nerdy billionaires. Yeah. Well again, everyone is just laid back, nice and wearing flip flops. So you never know who anyone is anymore. You just kind of do the math when Phil goes, this guy invented the Simpsons. Like that kind of stuff. So good times over there. What'd you guys do?

[Gina Grad]

Well, Friday night I went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery to go watch the Goonies with 4,000 people. People, which was amazing. And big fireworks show during the movie. And after the movie. And then Saturday went down to the South Bay, had a big beach beach blanket bingo party and played a lot of drunken cornhole.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the only time. Only time it's open for business.

[Gina Grad]

Are you guys familiar? It's like a beanbag toss game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we. We have it here. We've.

[Gina Grad]

That's the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we don't. It's. It's not a. I think it is. I don't know what I mean, it's like lacrosse or something. Like it didn't start out here. It's a beach day. I don't know. Jay, my ex assistant was big into it. He's from the Midwest.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like I only first saw it for the first time when I was 22, 23.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But either way, you're tossing a sack of beans at a hole and it should be called bean hole.

[Adam Goldberg]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe it was dried corn kernels back in the old days.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that what it was?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

And then went home from there and watched a full grown dog have a panic attack for about nine hours. Horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Because of the problem. Heartbreaking.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, absolutely. Just shaking. Just absolutely so scared into silence. Shaking all night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Molly was hearing stuff, but never. She doesn't seem to be phased, but she absolutely hears.

[Gina Grad]

How did she ever go crazy for that stuff or. That's just not her thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Just not wired that way. Just laid back. Yeah.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

In certain. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Some dogs freak out about us, some dogs don't. Charlie, our dog didn't freak out during fireworks. But he was freaked out because he was in a little cage because he couldn't walk around the house because he just had surgery.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Weakness.

[Brian Bishop]

So he was all alone. But we spent the majority of the weekend down in Balboa island down in Newport Beach. Just. Just Pleasantville. I was talking to Gary about. He's familiar with the island. It's where two, not one, but two frozen banana stands are.

[Gina Grad]

There's two. Well, I know there's one. Obviously.

[Brian Bishop]

Always money in the frozen bananas. Always just Pleasantville, Americana. Flags everywhere. Kids running around the streets and the. In the beach.

[Gina Grad]

Sparklers.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, sparklers everywhere. People. And the cool part was there's a. You know, the houses there, they're all, like you said back in the day, they built them for $65,000 on a small little lot, and now they're worth millions. So they build them up. They can't build them out. They build them up. And so all these houses are three stories tall, so up to the roof deck of Christie's family's house.

[Adam Carolla]

And they got a family house out there.

[Brian Bishop]

The Grandma Pal Away.

[Adam Carolla]

That was her house. Hate you now. I despise you.

[Brian Bishop]

They bought it in, like, 71 for, like, $20,000.

[Adam Carolla]

You're making it worse.

[Brian Bishop]

We built it up and we said we were able to see, like, five or six different fireworks shows from the top of the roof. Yeah, it was pretty sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, everybody makes fun of the sort of Americana stuff, you know, like cotton candy and flags and people walking around. They look at it as corny, but that's really just the sort of elite douchebag. The reality is it's kind of good. It's fantastic. It's nice. It's like, nice people. Everyone is friendly as shit. And it's this thing where it's like, I was at Rosenthal's place. I don't know what the average income of that place was, but it was at least $8 million a year, and the fucking friendliest. You were driving the average down. I was fucking the curve up for everybody over there. And it's like, nice to the kids, nice to you, nice to everybody. Super sweet, super laid back. Like this notion of, oh, it's thurston Howe the third. He's lighting a cigar with $100 bill, and he won't. He's looking down his nose at you and your wife like, no, Just super fucking friendly. Why shouldn't they be happy? They're making a kajillion dollars doing what they wanted to do when they were in junior high.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the goal. They've reached the goal.

[Adam Carolla]

They reached a goal, and now everyone is super fucking friendly about it. Like this notion. I grew up on a steady diet of, like, hey, rich people, you understand? They're raping the land. The indigenous people, they're f. Horrible.

[Brian Bishop]

No, we did that, too.

[Adam Carolla]

They're miserable. Like, somehow they're miserable all the time. Like, yeah, they got their money, but don't you worry. They're miserable. It's like, no, they're not. They're having another gourmet hot dog and they're fucking enjoying themselves. And so parade that was going by, the family's friendly, the people. The kids are cool. They're cool. Like, Phil Rosenthal is the nicest guy in the world. Like, why not?

[Brian Bishop]

I think I'm probably like you in this respect that. That I feel like I'm very tuned into shitty teenagers and, like, tweens and kids just being shitty and awful. Like, I pick it up. Away when it's happening. There were. All the kids that I saw were just having a good time, throwing the ball around, being nice to each other. Everyone passed by the house or on the porch and like, yeah, how's it going? I didn't know them. Just waved high.

[Gina Grad]

The Strand in, you know, the South Bay. The Strand that you walk on. Lousy with lemonade stands. I mean, kids just having a great time trying to sell lemonade. Some just giving it for tips. It was just. It's fun to see that doesn't happen very often.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So nothing wrong with this country and people celebrating on the 4th and all that good stuff. Oh, look at that. Lynette did a whole.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry.

[Brad Williams]

Some late.

[Adam Carolla]

Late editions from Lynette. Lynette did a whole, whole thing over there.

[Gina Grad]

Well, that's a real firework.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Standing out, watching the barge.

[Brian Bishop]

You wore Fourth of July colors.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Natalia. I'm wearing it tonight, too. No, Natalia went and picked out my outfit. I told her, you go ahead and pick out my outfit. She picked out my outfit. She picked up mommy's outfit. She picked out her outfit. And. And there you have it. You go to M, kid. Yeah. It's probably Natalia's work.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right. That was adam Kroll Show, 1609. That does it for today's Coral Classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, mahalo and get it on.

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Hello and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch. Anchorman, the Legend of Rom Com, Burgundy, Fantastic. Men in Black, one through three.

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That is so fast on Pluto TV stream.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brad Williams]

Tax extra.