Richard Schiff + Robert Kiyosaki (Carolla Classics)

Summary

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Adam Carolla Show: Richard Schiff + Robert Kiyosaki (Carolla Classics)

Release Date: June 27, 2026
Podcast: The Adam Carolla Show (Carolla Classics)
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Richard Schiff, Robert Kiyosaki, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop

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Episode Overview

This “Carolla Classics” episode features highlights from two fan-favorite appearances originally aired in 2012, with actor Richard Schiff (best known for The West Wing) and personal finance author Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad), along with regulars Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. Adam Carolla presides over his signature blend of unfiltered comedy, rants about modern life, cultural observations, and lively interview segments. Topics range from pop culture and sports to societal trends, education, marriage, and money, all delivered in the show’s candid, irreverent tone.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

I. Banter with Richard Schiff (00:10 – 01:55:00)

A. Community & Listener Appreciation (02:10 – 06:50)

• Adam introduces Paul, a superfan and contest winner visiting the studio, poking fun at his construction-IT hybrid career and his boozy charisma.
• "He’s got like the four beer buzz and the two cigarettes on the breath… It actually brought me back to, like, maybe when I was around 21 or 22, the guys I would have dated back then." (Adam, 06:03)

B. Prop 8 Overturned: Same-Sex Marriage Discourse (08:25 – 14:50)

• News segment: Prop 8, California’s gay marriage ban, has been overturned.
• Adam’s wide-ranging, satirical take on the culture wars:
  • “Let’s fucking do it. Let’s just move on with our lives. Could we?” (09:19)
  • Mocking media optics around the first lesbian couples at the courthouse: “Let’s get a couple of lookers up there, that’ll swing the vote.” (11:44)
  • Critiques the idea that gay marriage threatens traditional marriage: “I do not understand the idea that it is an attack on marriage or that it threatens heterosexual marriage. Do you understand that?” (13:38)
  • Frame: concern is really about “general erosion” of old norms, not marriage itself.

C. Abuse Scandal at LA Unified School District (14:55 – 23:17)

• New coverage: Teacher misconduct leads to entire staff replacement at Miramonti Elementary.
• Adam lampoons parental apathy and union protections:
  • “Cops and teachers aren't heroes. Some of them are. Most of them aren't...” (22:13)
  • Points out how lack of parental involvement mirrors teacher apathy.

D. Trump, the Dodgers & Hot Dog Rants (23:40 – 35:14)

• Jared Kushner’s bid to buy the Dodgers and Ivanka Trump’s poise.
• Absurd, hilarious riff about the infamous “Dodger Dog”—“Dodger Dog is not only the worst stadium dog, it is the worst hot dog manufactured... It’s a meat stick. It’s a fucking fat meat penis.” (28:11)
• Rosy musings on bringing better hot dogs to the stadium.

E. Sports & Super Bowl Debates (31:30 – 42:30)

• Review of Wes Welker’s “Butterfingers” mishap and Super Bowl heartbreaks.
• Great moments in football rewound, with reminiscence about missed championship rings.

F. Richard Schiff Interview (38:07 – 76:07)

• Schiff’s background: from New York to Boulder’s hippie 1970s, cabbie to theater, house-partying, and open relationships before AIDS.
• Actor stories: Giants’ Super Bowl wins, anecdotal sports rants, and tales of working with Charlie Sheen and Jeff Ross.
• Lively dialogue on marriage (rollercoasters, longevity), the pressure to settle down, and the myth of ever being “settled,” as Adam sums up: “You are never going to be settled. You are going to die. Things are going to change.” (66:42)
• Notable Quotes:
  • “You got to be connected to the woman you love if you’re going to marry her. And there’s no such thing as settled.” (Allison Rosen, 66:28)
  • “The paradigm that I have to be established and settled and secure before I do something that might change my life is, to me, a false one.” (Richard Schiff, 66:33)

G. Society, Legalization & Liberties Discussion (73:01 – 79:41)

• Roseanne Barr runs for president, Green Party.
• Adam’s libertarian rant—practical argument for legalizing most drugs, sex work: “Look, if you want to pay a woman to have sex with you and she wants to accept the money... that’s between you and her.” (73:58)
• Frustration with America’s contradictory stances on freedom (guns vs. drug/sex laws), the cost of the drug war, and political hypocrisy.
  • “The right and the left, both are hypocrites in many ways...” (Adam Carolla, 78:10)

H. Cultural Complaints: Facebook, Breastfeeding, Social Outrage (80:21 – 89:02)

• Facebook bans photos of breastfeeding; activist “nurse-ins.”
• Adam laments society’s surplus of outrage and lack of real problems: “We have way too much time, way too much entitlement, and way too much anger.” (81:06)
• Satirical etiquette primer: “Go breastfeed your human being, little off the beaten path over there...” (88:29)

I. Notable Running Gags, Celebrity Gossip (89:02 – 95:00)

• Adam’s comic obsessions: hypothetical sex with Rob Lowe/John Stamos; not being invited to Charlie Sheen’s house.
• Memory blackouts at award shows (Schiff’s Emmy acceptance).
  • “You get such a rush of adrenaline… adrenaline wipes out your memory.” (Adam Carolla, 92:08)

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II. Rich Dad, Poor Dad: Robert Kiyosaki on Money (1:40:00 – 1:56:00)

A. Financial Ignorance, Taxes & Class in America (140:54 – 151:01)

• Kiyosaki’s origin story: “My poor dad was... the head of education for Hawaii... My rich dad was my best friend’s father, a guy who never went to school but, at 9, taught us about money with Monopoly.” (142:20)
• The real lessons schools don’t teach—money, investment, and how the highest tax rates hit hard-working professionals.
  • “The people that pay the highest taxes are the people that work the hardest. It’s really tragic.” (156:08)

B. How the Tax System Works—for the Wealthy (147:44 – 149:44)

• Tax code incentivizes business owners (“If I have employees, I pay a lower tax rate.”) and real estate investors.
• Capitalism’s incentives vs. communism—argues for financial education and entrepreneurism.

C. Working with Donald Trump, Business Success (157:02 – 157:58)

• Five “Midas Touch” rules for entrepreneurs: strength, focus, brand, relationships, and uniqueness.

D. Viewer Calls: Religion, Atheism, & Parental Honesty (159:37 – 165:49)

• A caller’s dilemma: “Should I tell my Christian parents I’m now an atheist?” (160:07)
• Adam’s advice: coming out is often about rebellion—“If you want to tell your parents…because you just feel, ‘I want to be upfront,’ that’s fine. But if you feel like there’s some history and a little axe to grind, think about it.” (164:07)

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III. Classic Carolla Riffs, Social Commentary, & Outtakes

• Adam on plastic surgery and age: “Your brain does the math—you see someone with work, you just assume they’re of a certain age.” (127:49)
• “I heart butt plugs” t-shirts sold at Sears (130:27) — recurring gag about what people choose to advertise in public.
• Railing against public profanity, bad bumper stickers, and “bad energy in the universe.”
• Proposal for “tumescent monitors” for staff misconduct—comic riff on impossible solutions to accusations of sexual misconduct in schools.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Dodger Dog is not only the worst stadium dog, it is the worst hot dog manufactured... It’s a meat stick. It’s a fucking fat meat penis.” (Adam Carolla, 28:11)
• “There’s no such thing as settled. There’s no such thing. Established. What does that mean? Because everything can change in a... heartbeat.” (Richard Schiff, 66:28)
• “We have way too much time, way too much entitlement, and way too much anger.” (Adam Carolla, 81:06)
• “The people that pay the highest taxes are the people that work the hardest. It’s really tragic.” (Robert Kiyosaki, 156:08)
• [On legalizing vice:] “Look, if you want to pay a woman to have sex with you and she wants to accept the money... that’s between you and her…” (73:58)
• “I only want to be friends with people with private transportation now.” (Adam Carolla to Kiyosaki, 194:17)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Prop 8 & Same-Sex Marriage Rant: 08:25 – 14:50
• Miramonti School Scandal/Teacher Apathy: 14:55 – 23:17
• Dodger Dog/Trump Ownership: 23:40 – 35:14
• Sports & Super Bowl: 31:30 – 42:30
• Richard Schiff Interview: 38:07 – 76:07
• Marriage, Relationships, and Settling Down: 64:00 – 68:00
• Legalization, Libertarian Rants: 73:01 – 79:41
• Facebook & Social Outrage: 80:21 – 89:02
• Kiyosaki & Taxes/Money: 140:54 – 156:08
• Religion, Parental Honesty: 159:37 – 165:49

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Final Thoughts

Brimming with Adam’s trademark wit, this double-feature “classics” episode spotlights not only two top-tier guests, but the enduring appeal of Carolla’s blend of humor, cultural critique, personal stories, and listener Q&A. Fans of the show will recognize beloved segments, running gags, and a through-line of skepticism toward authority, institutions, and societal hypocrisy, punctuated with both comedian honesty and practical life lessons.

For first-time listeners: Expect sharp-edged but humane takes on society’s thorniest topics, memorable riffs, and plenty of comedy in between. If you want to hear more from the guests, check out other Carolla Classics and the full Adam Carolla archive available on his Substack.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Richard Schiff]

This is the podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

We play the best moments, highlights and

[Richard Schiff]

fans like the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show.

[Adam Carolla]

If you'd like to access the entire

[Richard Schiff]

archive of the Adam Carolla show as

[Adam Carolla]

well as The Adam and Dr. Drew show and the newer podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam

[Richard Schiff]

Corolla substack adamcorla.substack.com Sign up, subscribe, Listen

[Adam Carolla]

ad free and if you'd like to

[Richard Schiff]

request a clip, please email us classicsavencarolla.com

[Adam Carolla]

all right, let's get to the clips.

[Richard Schiff]

Come up first, we have Adam Carla

[Adam Carolla]

Show 752 with Richard Schiff along with Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2012 with Brian declaring

[Richard Schiff]

at the end of the episode they

[Brian Bishop]

should have Richard on every week.

[Adam Carolla]

Too bad they didn't do that.

[Sponsor Voice]

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[Richard Schiff]

Fantastic.

[Sponsor Voice]

Men in Black one through three.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

That is so effective on Pluto TV.

[Sponsor Voice]

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[Adam Carolla]

Good to see you, Bald Brian. Every damn night. Every damn night. Good to see you, Allison Rosen.

Adam Carolla.

Another contest winner in here. Is it Paul Brendel? It is. Paul's awesome Paul. When we came out with our app and our new website, Paul had more than 4,900 email signups. I don't know how he does this. He's from Seattle. Ten years in the construction business. Paul, did I say that? Says it on your thing here. Yeah. This is going to be uncomfortable because Paul's been drinking. He's had a couple of tall boys taking the edge off. Yeah. All right.

Sorry.

No, that's all right. Paul, what do you do? I do do construction. I do some IT and some cute computer work. Uh huh. That's. Normally the guys who do construction aren't real fast around the computer, but when you're trying to get out of construction. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess so. It's like most construction guys aren't that funny, but when you're trying to get out. So Seattle and what's the plan other than getting out of construction? I mean, you're asking me a lot that I haven't been thinking about so far tonight. So I knew this was going to be awesome.

For what have you been thinking about tonight? Let's just find out really what he has been thinking about tonight.

All right. What have you been thinking about?

Yeah, what have you been thinking about? What's on your mind?

Well, I was wondering if I was going to go at the top of the show or at the end of the show. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And then now that mystery has been solved.

[Adam Carolla]

It's been solved, definitely. And then I was thinking about flying out tomorrow. Flying back home tomorrow. Yeah, right. That's exciting.

[Sponsor Voice]

Not much more.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I don't got much. I was going to go see if I couldn't find a couple of years. Tell me, what, what, what are you doing? Where are you staying? Here in la. You guys flew me down on Friday and I went and spent the weekend with my sister and my niece and nephew Karina and Carl. Mm. And then tonight I'm at the Tangerine maybe.

Is that where you're gonna meet the hookers?

Yeah, Allison's gonna swing by, pay a little service call.

You guys don't pay me that much.

You single man?

[Allison Rosen]

I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Caller/Guest]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're out here in la, you're ready to mingle, huh? Yeah, generally, yes. Okay. All right. And heading back tomorrow and does the work. Are you gainfully employed? For the most part. For the most part. And swinging the hammer or not? I haven't really gotten to the bottom of it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You still have to do that. We got construction going on back there. I noticed. Did you go kick some tires? There was no reason. They all looked all looked all right full to me. Look good for you?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I have to lift a cover. I like that.

[Allison Rosen]

All Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You should. Should we give out your website or your pod or your Twitter or your something? Not necessary. I don't believe in that.

Correct.

Love that Paul. Thank you very much. ETS Limousine Service, by the way, brought Paul out here also. You can find them at town Car Service LA.com. that's 877-510-0621.

[Caller/Guest]

Paul.

[Adam Carolla]

A little slice of heaven, buddy.

[Allison Rosen]

You're telling me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Thanks, buddy. You are free to hang out until I leave the studio. Goodbye. I walked by Paul on my way in and I just gave a little. All right. I know Paul.

Yeah.

I've been around Paul's my entire life.

I'm still enjoying the scent of Paul.

I work construction. Yep. Yeah, he has the. There's nothing like that. He's got like the four beer buzz and the two cigarettes on the breath and it's just that kind of.

It actually brought me back to like, maybe when I was around 21 or 22, the guys I would have dated

back then, the weird cigarette beer makeout set where it's kind of weird where

it's actually kind of a turn on.

Mm, mm. Yeah, I know.

Only after like 11 o' clock at night, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Now.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we're all getting old. All right, how about you queue up the news? And I want to thank Paul for referring all those good people to this show. And I want to thank you for referring your friends to the show. Because that's the way we exist, people. You listen to the show. You hear top notch entertainers like Paul come on here and just fucking pull out all the stuff. They call him the Ben Vereen of Seattle.

The thing about him is I was like, paul, it's not your show. Come on.

Yeah, once he takes over, he takes over.

You just have to sit back and let it happen. It's like Hurricane Paul.

It's what you call a game changer. And that's it. You just get out of the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember Vinnie the Microwave Johnson Heated up

[Adam Carolla]

when he'd heat up. That's it. You know what you do? Feed him.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Just keep feeding him.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Catch him the rock every chance you get.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Speaking of rock. And I'll tell you who rocks autoshepard.com.

yeah, they do.

Yeah. You want to fix your own cars? Oh, you should. Trucks, jeeps, you name it. Look, everyone who listens to the show buys everything online these days, right? Well, go buy your car parts online. And if you're gonna buy your car parts online, buy it from one of our great sponsors. Autoshepherd.com open 24. 6. Just kidding.

I didn't see that coming.

23.

[Brian Bishop]

7.

[Adam Carolla]

Actually it's 25. 8.

What?

Yes, that's right. They found a wormhole where they could sell auto parts. Auto Shepherd 24. Seven open. And if you buy something that's over 50 bucks, they'll ship for free. Visit autoshipper.com Adam use the promo code. Adam. Save 10% on anything on the site. Anything.

The heating knob on my car fell off. Maybe I need to hit them up.

Autoshepperd.com all right, let's do a little news before we bring our guest out. The News with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it

up, she'll sign it off with zip.

It's Allison.

[Caller/Guest]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Big news. Prop 8 has been overturned. Federal appeals court ruled against the ban on same sex marriage Tuesday, arguing Prop

8 or Prop Hate.

Cheer up and be excited.

So gay people can get married. What was Prop 8?

Prop 8 said they couldn't.

Uh huh. But now they can.

Now they. Well, yeah, it's been overturned as unconstitutional for singling out gays and lesbians for discrimination. But there's actually a hold on it now. So it's. Nothing has actually changed as of today, except that it's been overturned. So, you know, it's symbolically a huge thing. It was a split decision, a three judge panel.

This is the pot of my children's generation. I spent my entire childhood hearing people argue about legalizing pot. And I'm gonna spend my entire adulthood hearing people arguing about legalizing gay marriage.

Yes.

Let's fucking do it. Let's just move on with our lives. Could we?

So your kids will spend their entire childhood hearing about this? I wonder what they'll spend their adulthood hearing about.

[Allison Rosen]

Mmm.

[Adam Carolla]

Hearing old man Carolla complain about pot and the gays.

You think you're gonna live that long?

I actually wanna rip a bong load, Mary. Dude, that's all. Can a guy just rip a bongload?

[Sponsor Voice]

I see.

[Adam Carolla]

What's so wrong with that?

Yeah, I just wanna. I want a cock shaped bong and I just wanna fire it up.

Would the balls be the carb anus? Oh yeah.

It's a pretty big bong. Yeah. Rip a bong load. Make love to a dude. Wrap myself in the American flag. Call it.

[Brian Bishop]

Call it a life.

[Richard Schiff]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Call it a life.

[Adam Carolla]

Call life. That's right.

So a three judge panel of the 9th U.S. circuit Court of Appeals found Prop 8, quote, works a meaningful harm to gays and lesbians, unquote, by denying their right to civil marriage in violation of the 14th amendment. The decision will likely be appealed. Proposition 8 was passed in 2009 with 52% of the vote. California Supreme Court had allowed same sex marriages in California before Prop 8, but it's passage brought an end to practice.

I'd like to pass this bill. When the first lesbian couple hits the stairs of the courthouse. Let's see. Glad. See if you're gonna get together and rally at 6 or 7, you know what I mean? Right now we're averaging. I mean, that is when you see those couples hit in the courtroom. I mean, they've been waiting 46 years to get married. You know, one of them's a logger. Both of them are loggers. One's a long haul trucker. There's a lot like. They look like two dudes with the buzz cut. You're setting the whole movie.

Lumberjills.

Lumberjills. Yeah. Let's get some. Look, even if you gotta fake it, a couple of spokesmodels.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, let's get Cat Cora up there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Come on. Les it up for 10 minutes. Here's a hundred bucks. Just get up there for a photo op, for Christ's sake. You're sent the movement back.

Cat Cora, who you think is stealthily hot. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Core is stealthy.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's funny that stealthy.

[Brian Bishop]

It's hot for a. You know, hot for a celebrity chef. There's not too many hot.

[Adam Carolla]

I think she's just hot. Can we just think she's fine.

Well, can we get her and Portia de Rossi up there instead of the. You know, usually when the news footage comes up and that first couple is walking up to the courthouse, I'm like, those two dudes are near morbidly kind of lumpy. Why is that dude wearing kissing. Get it? What the. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Get.

[Adam Carolla]

Get Cat up there with Portia and let's. You know, here's what I'm saying. Let's get the. You want to get the American public behind you? Let's get a couple of lookers up there that'll swing the vote.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all marketing anyway.

[Richard Schiff]

That's all it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Cause when people see, you know, here's how it goes. Listen, I don't want these gays and these. Who are these two?

[Caller/Guest]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, hello.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's something. Oh, you're asking me if I Mind if these two make out and get married?

No, I mind if they don't.

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Pretty sure some of the Bible told me for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I watch them get married? Is that cool?

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. Boom. You want to sell a car, you don't put a diesel dike next, you want the buzz cut. Unless you're looking. Unless you're looking to sell right back. Right?

Who's your audience? Well, you guys honed right in on what's important about this.

No, absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

Serious question. Can you appeal an appeals court? Like, it's just. They're gonna appeal in perpetuity till it gets to the Supreme Court. Like, I thought it was an appeals.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you can continually appeal.

Let's just. Let's just. Let's move this through, everybody. We get on with our lives.

Well, that's what you say, but the Alliance Defense Fund, a conservative Christian legal foundation that backed Prop 8, said it was not surprised that, quote, this Hollywood orchestrated attack on marriage tried in San Francisco turned out this way. The loathsome sacrifice judges. But it said it was confident the Supreme Court would uphold the expressed will of the American people. Meaning they think the will of the American people is to preserve. This is in quotes. Marriage.

I've hit my saturation point with this. I just have. I can't take it anymore. I've said it once. I've said a thousand times. Someone said, top five reasons why gay couples should marry. I said, number one, they pay taxes. They're American. And then two through five said they'd shut the fuck up. Which the fuck honors our lives.

I do not understand the idea that it is an attack on marriage or that it threatens heterosexual marriage. Do you understand that?

Here's what I like.

Actually, there's a blank in my head.

Well, here's. Here's what it is in general. Here's what's going on. It's this kind of general erosion of what we thought was our society 50 years ago, where guys weren't chugging donkey jizz on TV and stuff like that. It all falls under that same umbrella. They never really want to talk about that. But it's that same, you know, this shouldn't be on tv. They shouldn't be allowed to do that. You shouldn't be able to walk in off the street and buy weed. It's a sort of general sort of. We're turning into Sodom and Gomorrah. That's what they're saying. The whole, like, ruins the sanctity of the marriage and all that. It's kind of a smokescreen. It's sort of the same one that, you know, when they argue about morning after pills or birth control or something, it's not really that they don't like birth. It's like, it's a general, oh, why can't it all, why can't we all just be Pat Booned?

Right?

That's really what it is.

That's the argument.

And I'm saying society's got out of the barn, it's running free. That's right, let it go. Fuck another society in the ass. That's what I'm saying. Leave it alone. Bigger fish. Moving on.

We've been talking about Miramonti Elementary School where two teachers have been arrested on charges of lewd acts with children. Well now the school is replacing the entire staff. In a dramatic move to reassure upset parents. This was announced at a public meeting with the LA Unified School District Monday evening.

I don't know what I could do. I'm a parent. I don't think there's anything that could get me to go down to one of those Santa Monica, you know, meetings. You know, you ever do that thing where you're skimming around and you turn on channel three and there's some guy there sitting in a wheelchair and he's like, I'm a Vietnam vet. And this parking enforcement situation has gotten,

I always think, did my cable go out?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's, there's like nine people sitting up on there who clearly have been tuned out for the last 45 minutes. And this guy's wearing hats with a bunch of pins in it and it's fucking disheveled and, and crazy, the crazy parents up there, they're always wearing, there's always one on some crazy T shirt that has a bunch of wolves howling on it or something. Like not really appropriate, go down to the courthouse attire or dress the judge attire, whatever. Some weird T shirt and it's distracting and they're complaining and I know they're better than I am, but I, I, there's nothing that would ever get me down there. I'd be like, look how many people they go, they expect 100. Good, message sent. They don't need 101. And I don't need to wait four hours for my eight minutes of, you know, usually starting off with a little I serve this country with pride in the Korean conflict and then moving forward into why I don't need my kids molested.

So never ever, you will never set foot in a city hall meeting, town council, town crier, what if you were outraged, which you have been for years.

The only meeting, the only march I would ever take place, I would ever participate in is the Million White Guy march where we try to get our city back from the cops that are gouging us with chicken shit tickets.

[Richard Schiff]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be.

That would be your cause.

Yeah, that's right. That's where the candle goes through the paper plate.

All right, well, parents.

So what did they do? They got rid of everybody.

Parents did cover up. Cover up. They weren't saying you should cover up. They were saying it's been a cover up. And accused the school of failing to protect their children. Some parents said they were alarmed by reports that students had complained about one of the teachers several times in the last two decades. So that's what happened, is that people were complaining about these teachers and the authorities were saying, don't make stuff up. More than a quarter of the students enrolled at Miramonte didn't show up Monday because their parents kept them home. Officials emphasized that no other educators at the school are under suspicion, but that a bold act was needed to help remove the cloud over Miramonti. However, since then, now there's a third teacher implicated. A woman who had a classroom that was adjoining Mark Burns. They had like a partition between them.

Yeah.

And a partition.

Or is it that that weird thing where they have that door that you can walk through, like it's the classroom suite.

Oh, maybe it's that. I was at my school, we had this weird, like accordion pullout thing, but maybe it was places lower. Right.

Times you've been burned by that sweet thing where you're in your room in the hotel and you go, what is this door?

Right. And then you go up to the

back of the door, deadbolt, you unlock and you go, sweet. I'm going, fuck. Another door.

Yeah.

And it's that.

It's got no knob.

Yeah. There should just be a big sign on that door going, don't waste your time. There's nothing here for you. Keep moving, keep moving.

You're right.

Beat off again in the shower. Loser. I mean, maybe we don't have to take it that far. It's just probably keep moment of work.

Maybe in a suite you don't take it that far, but in certain rooms you do take it that far.

Yeah.

Right. So they had one of those sort of partition situations that he was seen going through the partition into her classroom and then she would get a couple girls out. If this is true, if that part's

true, I don't Know, think about la. Unified's a piece of shit, obviously. And the schools are about as good as the parents are interested in. That's kind of it. Like, I get the feeling that if the parents aren't, you know, in there and riding the kids, I mean, here's the thing.

This is a really poor. Overcrowded.

Yeah, that's what it is. Here's what happens. The teachers are in a union. Nothing could really happen to them. Everyone's on just sort of, sort of autopilot mode. They realize the parents don't give a shit. I mean, fundamentally they do, but they're not doing anything about it. They're just kind of, you know, so the parents warehouse and then the teacher's warehouse. There's a weird thing that goes on where it's like, I am as interested in your kids education as you are. And since you don't seem to be that interested, then I'm just gonna fucking coast.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like a Hollywood marriage, like after like 20 years. Like, just don't cheat in front of me. Don't be on the front page of the inquiry. We'll just lay low and this will all go on.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep your semen spirit spoonfuls on the DL, right. And we'll be fine.

Yeah, so, you know, we'll hang out, we'll cash the same paycheck we would cash if we were doing all these enrichment programs and staying after and working individually with your kids. Your kids will not shoot us between the hours of 7:30 and 3:30 and we'll call it a life.

[Brian Bishop]

Just specify the hours. Yeah, not to be shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, weekends are, you know, you do what you do.

[Brian Bishop]

It's your free time.

[Adam Carolla]

That's your time.

[Brian Bishop]

Extra curriculum.

[Allison Rosen]

A lot of the parents.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, in summer.

A lot of the parents they interviewed are really young, like Karina Aguilan, who's 21. 21, a parent of a kindergartner. And then there's like grandparents who are 41.

[Brian Bishop]

That must be a typo.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, those Jews. All right, so listen, it's a horrible school, it's a horrible situation. And somebody has to try to reclaim LA Unified. And we can't do it because they have unions and because we can't get the parents of the poor people to be involved with the raising of the kids and the education of the kids. And thus we're fucked. And we're gonna have a whole new generation of dropouts. Well, now they're involved.

I mean, they also. All the articles go into the parents attempts to find out if their kids were victims. Because they keep asking the kids, and the kids will say no. And then they, you know, they had a few anecdotes of how then the parents would say, you know, it's okay, you can tell me. Because they don't. They don't know if the kids are aligned. They don't know if the kids have been threatened. It's awful. Well, what do you think of the idea of replacing the entire staff, though? And they are still getting paid. And so now people feel like some parents and kids feel like they. Well, that's going too far because they actually like some of the teachers.

Well, I don't. When you say replace, just shift them to another shitty school.

They are shifting them to a school where there aren't any students, is my understanding. So I don't know what the hell they do.

Wow, I got to get a gig there.

I know.

Jesus, that's a kush gig. Just beating off all day long into a frick spoon ladle. Yeah, you got plenty of time on your hands. No, you go with spoons.

Don't get a spaghetti strainer, though. Don't make that mistake.

[Brian Bishop]

Not a slotted spoon. Not a slotted spoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

And personal thing. Don't get it. One of those spiked spoons either you pick up the spaghetti with.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically stay away from all utensils used for pasta.

The school with no students in it.

I don't know if it's technically called a school. I don't know what it is. It's like a corporate education, something.

Okay, well, I said, look, I don't know how many times to say the fucking unions are horrible, the teachers are horrible.

[Sponsor Voice]

Louisiana.

[Adam Carolla]

Unified's horrible. Louisiana's turn into a fucking pit. It's horrible. Sliding off into the fucking ocean. I hope we slide to the fucking bay. It'll. It'll be sweet relief. And yes, I don't know, replace them with new. A new group of people and a new group of parents. They don't give a shit. Who are now pissed off. But either way, this guy needs to stop getting paid. Everyone who fucked up needs to stop getting paid, and we need to figure this out. And cops and teachers aren't heroes. Some of them are. Most of them aren't. Said that a million times. It must be the greatest thing in the world. Everyone's a fucking hero. Everyone is a hero. Every teacher's a hero. I had way more douchebag teachers than I did ones that gave a shit. Yeah, way more. The shop teachers were literally just evil old Dudes just fucking evil. The PE guys were evil. The rest of them were somewhere between. I mean, some of them. I mean, some of them were so far out of it.

Right.

That, you know, everything. I mean, some of them were, like, almost seemed like homeless people. Like, there were that. I mean, they had hygiene problems and stuff like that.

I got a concussion in math class because another student hit me in the head accidentally, and the teacher didn't notice.

Yeah. Look at you.

I know. Think of what I could have been.

You could have been at NASA right now running the fucking show.

[Caller/Guest]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Instead, I'm doing the new thing on your show.

Yeah.

Donald Trump's son in law, Jared Kushner, is trying to buy the Los Angeles Dodgers. If successful, Jared Kushner would be the most high profile New Yorker to own the team since Walter o', Malley, who broke Brooklyn's heart by moving the Dodgers to LA before the 1958 season. Kushner is just 31. He's married to Ivanka Trump, and he would be the youngest owner in Major League Baseball.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Impressive. Ivanka's an impressive woman. That woman is put together.

[Brian Bishop]

She's good in person as she is on tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, she is the embodiment of poise. She's just so fucking poised. And, you know, I think I was talking about. I was talking about it with Clay Aiken, actually, but how hot she was. Come on, Clay. You wouldn't fucking. You wouldn't Fuck that. Come on, now. Come on. Come on. No, I would not. Come on. You'd fuck that, though, right? No, I'm. Thank. Sorry. Thank you, but no, thank. Come on.

[Brian Bishop]

This conversation went on the entire time you were there.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, Clay.

Like, come on. It's just us guys.

Listen. I'd suck off Rob Lowe. I freely admit that. Or John Stamos. Fuck John. Stanley.

[Brian Bishop]

Now we have some common ground.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now you fuck Ivanka. Come on.

[Brian Bishop]

I was with you on Stamos and Rob Lowe.

[Caller/Guest]

For sure.

[Brian Bishop]

I was with you on those guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I told you I'd fuck those guys. Yeah, I'm straight.

[Brian Bishop]

What are we talking about? No, no, not Ivanka.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Come on.

[Richard Schiff]

It's disgusting.

[Adam Carolla]

How can you think that? You know, that's like not liking macaroni and cheese. I don't even know where to begin.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, it's one thing that you told me. Don't tell anyone else. That's just. That's horrible. You're gonna be able to throw up.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, a pin. I'm gonna have Penn Jillette and Lou Frigno crush you sexually because I'm like, yeah, she is so goddamn poised. So goddamn put together.

And does she have really impeccable posture?

I imagine she does crazy posture, crazy everything. It's like not a hair's ever out of place. It's horrible. And was speaking to Clay about it, but, you know, say what you will about Trump, his kids turned out great. And that kind of a pretty good yardstick to measure a dude right now.

Are they all on the show?

It feels like. It feels like he has 10 kids on that show. Yeah, they're all on the show. There's Donald Jr. Her and then Paul Shittim. I can't remember what the other ones are.

Paul shit, Tim.

Paul Shit. Tim. Yeah.

Tim Trump.

Yeah. Korean guy, adopted. So he's gonna buy the Dodgers.

He's trying to. And then people are tweeting that if he buys them, he's gonna move them back to New York. Who knows?

Let me say this.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure, that'll happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody tweeted me that the reason someone reason, you know, gave me the reason why. My name is Shannon Maldonado.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop.

[Adam Carolla]

From the lens of artists and handmade objects, I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning, invent, just right there on your dashboard for anyone starting a small business. The biggest thing I can tell you, it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com I the Dodger Dog's the biggest piece of hot dog in, you know, not. Not in the world. Well, in the world. Yeah, Listen, I haven't been to every corner of a round thing. When are we going to drop the clouds? How many corners of a basketball are there?

[Richard Schiff]

You know?

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm saying? We've now seen Earth from outer space. We haven't. Forget about scouring every corner of the globe. It's not working anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a globe.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't have fucking corners.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been every sphere, every radius. I haven't been everywhere and checked out the hot dogs. I can tell you this.

You haven't done the circumference, the hot

dogs, the ghetto dogs with the propane tanks on the shopping carts that are out front of the Staples Center. Far Eclipse, whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

There's no comparison.

[Adam Carolla]

No comparison to the Dodger Dog. Dodger Dog is not only the worst stadium dog, it is the worst hot dog manufactured. And I found out why. Because Hormel makes it. And same people that bring you Spam and they're. They're fucking. It's a meat stick. It's a fucking fat meat penis. It's not. It doesn't have a casing on it.

Right.

It doesn't snap.

It's a tube of mushy meat.

Horrible. It's such an insult. It's so insulting to sit in that fucking stand. You want to eat a hot dog at the ball game, and they fuck it up so bad. And there's a lot of people that like the hot dogs. I've explained. They're retarded. They grew up on it. It was back when they had some hope in their life and their granddad was still alive. We've seen the commercials. They're fucking horrible dog. And you guys are fucking retarded for liking it. So I hope we get a new owner in there, and I hope this guy brings in a couple of decent dogs from Chicago and we can go enjoy ourselves again. Thank you.

Now, is there any amount of stuff you put on the dog that can make it edible?

You can slather on the mustard. I mean, you can really just go as heavy with the mustard and onions as, you know, as much as that fucking bun can hold. Except for the hot dog hangs out nine inches past each side. It's a hot dog for retarded people. It's like, retarded people. Why don't they market it?

They should market it.

Hey, retarded people need. Do they not. Find out who makes that Dodger dog. I'm telling you, it's Hormel. Yeah, but it's owned by Hormel, and they make Spam, and it tastes a lot like Spam that's been rolled into a penis.

Do they also make Farmer John, or is that its own separate, awful dog?

I think it's its own Farmer John. Here's the thing. I think they do Oscar Meyer. I'm not sure which is another horrible. I mean, Jews must you. As a Jewish. When I bring up an Oscar Mayer, hot dog, must feh to the heavens.

I do.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The minute this is over, I'm gonna go fe crazy.

It's a fucking dog that doesn't have casing on it. It's a beige, weird skin tone, fleshy meat stick.

Yeah, it's like a giant Vienna sausage. Warm and not as good.

All right, so, yeah, they do Farmer John and they Do. God knows. I swear to God, worst fucking dog. So listen, as far as the security goes in the Is, let's see, where they do dinty. More stew. They do Spam.

They do Valley fresh chunk meats, stag chili. Those come in a can.

All right, so look, here's the whole deal. As far as the brutality that takes place in the parking lot with the ex gang bangers. Hey, we're gonna live with that.

[Brian Bishop]

Can we?

[Adam Carolla]

I can. Listen, I can tell you this. You go to a Dodger game, there's only about a 20% chance you're gonna be violently attacked in the parking lot by an ex gang banger. But there's a 100% chance you're gonna hate the hot dogs. Do you see what I'm saying?

I know. You're just. You're playing the odds, finding out the important thing.

Yeah, playing the odds.

I know people get all bent out of shape over things that aren't really part of their daily life, whereas the hot dog would be.

I bring the hot dog with me out to the parking lot.

Where do you put it?

Well, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you where it goes. It's in my hand. It's clutching my hand, okay? Like, you know, like a Nazi war criminal keeps a cyanide capsule.

Smart.

And what I do is, when I see the gang bangers rushing me, I just take a chomp down on the dog, and I think, I wish I was dead. And then, boom, done and done, get my head kicked in.

Smart.

It's perfect.

It's smart. You should always have a dog on you.

It's just. It's just good. It's just good fandom. That's. That's how you watch your game over there.

900 pounds of Butterfingers, which, by the way, is 8,000 bars, were delivered to Copley Square in Boston, mocking Wes Welker's critical drop late in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl. It was a gift. You say you do or you don't. Like that.

Listen, I like that he have goats

[Brian Bishop]

anyway, but that even is a stretch to call him a goat for the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Throwing the ball behind the guy off his shoulder. And when you got to go airborne. Now, look, when you're five, nothing, you have to go airborne. You know, Brady tries to ground it, and you have to go airborne, but that is. It's not a drop. It's a Wes Welker drop. I'm telling you, if there's. There are plenty of guys in the league who are known for not having the greatest hands in the league. And no one would say shit over that. That is. It's racist. It's simply racist. If that was a black man, we wouldn't be bothering him. Think about it. He's white. He should have caught that. He's a possessed. This is a racist. And we wouldn't be fucking with him this way. If that was Branch, we would not be sending those butterfingers over there. And if it was, Al Sharpton would get involved. So I'm getting Alec Bald on it.

It was a gift from Denver based online pawn shop Pongo. If these are pawned butterfingers, I feel like you could do better.

That ball is off his.

[Sponsor Voice]

He's.

[Adam Carolla]

He's looking over his right shoulder. That ball comes off his left, and he's got to go up and try to get it. Well, let's put it this way. If A, you can't run after you catch it because you're laying out to get it, and B, everyone would have said, great catch. Well, then it's not a drop. Your answer to is it a drop? Is, would you have said great catch or very nice catch if he hung onto it? And if the answer is great grab, and you could not run after the grab because you had to lay out and get it, then that's not a dropped ball. That's one you would have liked to get back. That's one. WES Welker makes 6 out of 10 times. 7 out of 10 times. Most of the guys in the league make it 4 out of 10 times.

[Brian Bishop]

Not a gimme.

[Adam Carolla]

That is no gimme.

Is there a more appropriate candy?

They could have sent the shut the fuck up bar.

Oh, that's good nougat.

Mm.

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Yeah. And you feel bad because he's gonna take this one, you know, personally. And also, Wes Welker does not have any super bowl rings. I do not believe. And it is going to be one of these things. And it's the same thing I always used to laugh about with Tiki Barber, where you do this thing. It's not now, it's 10 years from now where somebody goes, well, Tiki, show them your super bowl ring. And it's like, it's 2000 and, you know, 30. TIKI show, get out the ring. How come you don't wear your ring, Tiki? I don't have one. Bullshit, you don't have one. You're on that team with Tuck and OC team.

[Brian Bishop]

Strahan.

[Adam Carolla]

You and Strahan were on it. You guys were. But you were on that. What was it, 07? What was that team? You're. Nope.

[Brian Bishop]

There should be a list of guys who got out just too soon. You know what I mean? Mattingly goes on that list, too, because he was on the Yankees for how many years, and the year he left was when they started their dynasty.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. There's also the list of guys that you don't know have a second ring and guys like. And there's a whole list because they did it in a backup role, like Jim. What's his name from the Bears, like

[Brian Bishop]

Bill walden or Jim McMahon.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim McMahon. Yeah, Jim McMahon got one with the packers or something later on, like backing up Farve or something. Like, there's a bunch of guys, you know. Jim McMahon. How many Super bowl rings does Jim McMahon have? Well, he has one. 85 Bears. No, he doesn't.

Got a fork in his eye.

Yeah, he has one. He took one bite of a Dodger Dog and he fucking took up. Grabbed a fork and he jammed it into his eye. He got one in 85 at the Bears, and he's got one that no one knows about.93 with the packers or whatever. Whatever it was. So there's a bunch of dudes who are holding clipboards after they won one who, you don't know, have two. McMahon has. Has two. And Welker is going to be one of these poor motherfuckers when the smoke settles, clears. Ten years from now, people are going to think, well, you got one. You have one ring, don't you? You guys went to five Super Bowls. No, I was at the two. They did not.

He should just go get a counterfeit one made.

When I would, I would. And again, that ball was thrown behind him. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. Let's see who's coming in.

Richard Schiff.

Ah, Richard Schiff.

[Richard Schiff]

We'll take a break.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? Let me give a love to one of our fine sponsors, then we'll take a break. Stamps, dot com. Stamps dot com. Let me ask you a question, Bob.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Is my time valuable?

[Brian Bishop]

Hell, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I know you thought I was going to ask if your time is valuable,

[Brian Bishop]

but, you know, then I was like, is your time valuable to me or is it valuable to you?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Either way, I say yes.

[Adam Carolla]

But my time surely more valuable than yours? Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Fine. You're technical about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. So is my time valuable?

[Brian Bishop]

What's your point?

[Adam Carolla]

My point is Stamps Dot com. I don't know. I'm looking for a fight, ass wipe. I'll stab you if this Dodger dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Good, because you don't got one.

[Adam Carolla]

Stamps.com automatically calculates the exact postage you need. Again, no more overpaying for your parcels and packages. And you give it to your mailman pal. There you go. I am delivering. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna sign up for stamps dot com. I'm gonna go down to Carny's and get some real hot dogs and I'm gonna send them over to Trump over there. Trump, you know, the brother in law. And go, look, this what a new. Yeah, sorry, son in law. This is what a real goddamn hot dog tastes like. Son. Buy this tea and then think how

much money you'll still have left over.

Oh, my God. In a free digital scale. Oh, my goodness. 55 bucks, free postage. Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone in the top of the homepage. Type in Adam, that is stamps.com promo code Adam, 55 bucks, free postage, a free digital scale. Come on now, people. All right, quick break right back after this. Yeah, Richard Schiff is here. Richard, you would know the second you saw him. West Wing probably is where you best know Richard. House of lies on showtime, 10pm Sundays. And also the new Superman movie coming out as well. But that's not for a while. Yes. June. June 2013. We gotta get a jump unplugging this thing, man. I'm getting in line.

[Allison Rosen]

We want to get it out there that the movie's happening.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now what is this Superman? The. The lady. Is it this? Is it a new Superman? I mean, is the actor a new Superman?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it is. Henry Cav Cavill from England playing an American icon.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like all these English communists coming here, taking away good work from America.

[Allison Rosen]

And we shot half of it in Vancouver. Explain that to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah. And this one's going to be darker, edgier.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think so.

[Sponsor Voice]

Good.

[Allison Rosen]

And I, I don't. I'm also. Not only is it not coming out for like 18 months, but I've been sworn to secrecy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Can't talk about it.

[Allison Rosen]

I can tell you that Superman is in the movie, so he's gonna be in it and I'm not playing him, which is a scoop. And. But I had a lot of fun doing it, I can tell you that.

[Adam Carolla]

And you hail from where, Richard?

[Allison Rosen]

New York City, New York.

[Adam Carolla]

So excited about your, Your victory.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm still in ecstasy. Without. Without any help.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty pumped up.

[Allison Rosen]

It was the first time they beat the Patriots in 2008. I officially became a happy man now. Now it's just. Now it's just double.

[Adam Carolla]

That first win was unthinkable.

[Allison Rosen]

Unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

Unbelievable.

[Allison Rosen]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

And it may have been the 22 micro bruise I'd polished off at that point with a, you know, minute and a half left.

[Brian Bishop]

Half time

[Adam Carolla]

I was drunk. But during the first one, I was at Kimmel's in 07, and I stood up and yelled at everyone. Why aren't you guys going bananas? Because this is insane what's happening right now.

[Allison Rosen]

What were they doing that they weren't just.

[Adam Carolla]

They were watching, but they were just sort of watching. And I was like, you understand the pats are 180 and unstoppable. And the Giants were this close to starting off the season 03. I think they went for it on fourth down in Washington or something.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

And pushed it in. They could have one team's 18 0. The other team is, like, lucky to be 500. Are you kidding me? And everyone's like, move your drunken ass. I was yelling at a shrub in front of that actually in front of Jimmy's house, but still a shrub. I was excited. I'm just saying.

[Allison Rosen]

What did they get up for? David Tyrese catch.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like, I just.

[Allison Rosen]

Greatest play in super bowl history, don't you think? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on.

[Allison Rosen]

Better than Immaculate concept.

[Brian Bishop]

Montana to Taylor.

[Allison Rosen]

I would say.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Montana to Taylor.

[Adam Carolla]

That was his helmet.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't forget that. Manning was about to be sacked on that play. Two halves.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Okay, Brian, here's why you're wrong. It's gonna be the name of my next book. Here's why Brian is wrong. I'm gonna spell your name with an I like human beings. All right. First, that connection between Montana and Taylor was pedestrian. They've done that 2,000 times, even, I would say 2,000 times in their career. This David Tyree, that was the last catch he made in the league in his life. He's gone. Oh, if I threw him a Bud Light right now, he'd drop it. That's my point. He will never catch. He couldn't catch.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a special teams guy. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So the fact that he was so unlikely and the fact that that was a two parter, that was not only the craziest catch in the world, but that was the craziest escape in the world. Because Eli Manning, who's not known for his Houdini, like, disappearing act, was. It was Literally twice.

[Allison Rosen]

Twice. They had him twice?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. When? I mean that's. And.

[Allison Rosen]

And he flips over backwards. Forgot that part.

[Adam Carolla]

And you had Rodney Harrison, one of the biggest assholes in the league and one of the best players in the league, all over him. I mean the guy who was on David Tyree is.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a one handed, one headed catch.

[Adam Carolla]

But let's not forget that the guy

[Allison Rosen]

used only one head. Don't forget that.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's not forget that Rod, one of the guys is heading to the hall of fame in this catch and the other guy's heading to a coin op car wash near you. I mean, Rodney Harrison, that was as much of a pass as it was a catch. He dropped absolutely right in the damn bucket.

[Allison Rosen]

On a full play. It's in the top 10. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So not only did you guys win,

[Allison Rosen]

but you catch is a top 10 for me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a tough catch.

[Allison Rosen]

I agree with you.

[Adam Carolla]

And people should.

[Allison Rosen]

It's turning backwards. It's over his head.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

The pressure's on. And by the way, who says they're going to do anything once they get to the 20? They kick a field. Field goal. We could still march down score Brady.

[Adam Carolla]

Brady has to take the pressure off Welker by saying he threw a bad ball. That's what he needs.

[Allison Rosen]

Agreed.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So you grow up in New York.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you want to do what? Like when you're in high school?

[Allison Rosen]

Get out of high school.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. Mine is stay in high school. Into my 40s.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Girls, I've seen 21 Jump street pull it off. I worked with a guy in the at Kimmel's show that re enrolled in high school as a senior when he was like 25.

[Brian Bishop]

Rosner.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, I was gonna just use his first name.

[Brian Bishop]

Documentary made about him.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, fuck it. Yeah. Rick Rosner. He went back to high school.

[Allison Rosen]

For what purpose? To get a degree.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd have to talk.

[Allison Rosen]

Or to get the girl he always missed.

[Adam Carolla]

No, because he's a weirdo. So you get out of high school and then what?

[Allison Rosen]

I had a very circuitous journey to this particular field. I didn't really know what I was doing. I started driving a cab. I went to City College of New York. I dropped out, moved to Colorado, lived in a hippie house, which was fun. Came back and found my way into the theater program at City College.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of free love at the hippie house.

[Allison Rosen]

At the hippie house. Not so much at City College. Yeah, but at the hippie house it was a.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a Good time. What year was that?

[Allison Rosen]

1974, Boulder, Colorado.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good. See, that's the whole thing where.

[Allison Rosen]

Can't beat that.

[Adam Carolla]

All you had to do, you could walk up to a chick you never met before and go, you're not uptight, are you? And they'd be like, no, I'm not that good. Start sucking.

[Allison Rosen]

You didn't even have to walk up to the chick. Yeah, it was that good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's the best time ever. I've said it many Times. Mid Coke, 1970s, pre AIDS. That's the time.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the 1970s. New York and. Or Boulder, Colorado was the equivalent to the 1920s in Paris.

[Adam Carolla]

Mid Coke periods. That's what you want. That's what you should hope for your children. You know what I mean? In terms of a sweet spot.

Because then I hope there's a renaissance of that time.

Well, what happened was his AIDS came around and fucking ruined the party. Like flipping the lights on party.

[Allison Rosen]

It all goes around in cycles like the plague. I mean, the AIDS will disappear, they'll be back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but this is you, Boulder, Colorado. You're not uptight. Where's the zip code sound many laser tied are you? Yeah, listen, I'm Richard, but my friends call me Dick.

[Allison Rosen]

Never said that in my life. Just want to point. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I just want you to know mid coast creates and Boulder is hippie dippy, man.

[Allison Rosen]

It was back then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it still is pretty crunchy. Well, not like it was back then.

[Allison Rosen]

All the hippies stayed and became yuppies and then put fences up around their house and became very uptight.

[Adam Carolla]

So a lot of John Denver playing in the background.

[Allison Rosen]

It's probably still Crosby, Stills Nash and Young, but it's just got. It got another meaning now.

[Adam Carolla]

Went on a tour of the Coors factory over there. It's good times. That's in gold. I think we drove through Boulder to get there. Okay, you get that? You ever go on a tour of the Coors factory?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not? You were so close.

[Richard Schiff]

I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

I just don't remember if that ever came up.

[Adam Carolla]

Great story.

Do you not love beer in the same way Adam does?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't like more than his beer. I don't like Coors. I gotta say, I do not like Coors. A little light for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I'll tell you, when you

go Tinny, when you go, are you a Guinness man?

When you go and see, when you see it, you'll appreciate it. All right, let's do it. You'll appreciate it. You go on that Tour. You go. You know what?

[Caller/Guest]

Not bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty impressive.

[Allison Rosen]

You've had Guinness with black currant in it. It's called a ladies drink in Ireland, but I still do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

I never have.

[Allison Rosen]

It's delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Not. Just. Not a fan of Coors?

[Adam Carolla]

Nah.

[Allison Rosen]

And the family?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like Guinness then.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

How about that?

I know.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, fine. Be that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Now where? How are we gonna go hats in

2013, by the way? Look out. They're coming back. They're coming back. They're coming back with a vengeance.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You think they'll be gunning for your giants?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, well, we've been ready for them twice. We'll be ready for them for eternity.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting cocky now. Perennial 500 team getting lucky.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, we're the champions. We're allowed to. We're allowed to walk around with some. Something in our pants.

[Adam Carolla]

Sports fan. Are you, like. Were you yelling at the screen?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, my God, I was.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you piss yourself or anything?

[Allison Rosen]

Not quite.

[Adam Carolla]

Paint your face?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's a yell at the screen guy.

[Allison Rosen]

I want to watch every play. I'm sitting there watching every play, analyzing every play.

[Adam Carolla]

Smart. Drinking Guinness with a. I had a little.

[Allison Rosen]

I was at this person's house who had a lot of.

[Adam Carolla]

Celebrity.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. A lot of booze.

[Adam Carolla]

And tell me this celebrity. Come on. Why not? You're not allowed to go to celebrity Charlie Sheen's house. Charlie Sheen's house. Oh, did Jeff Ross show up?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, he did. I love Jeff.

[Adam Carolla]

I dispatched him to that.

[Allison Rosen]

To that particular party.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

I said, go say hi to Richard.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, he did, and he split. I love Jeffrey. He's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Once you get to know him, that's funny. But I. I was hanging around with Jeff at Jimmy Kimmel's house. At a certain point, he said, hey, man, I'm gonna collect my 14 year old girlfriend and head over to Charlie Sheen's house.

[Allison Rosen]

Did he really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think she's 14, but she looks 14, right? She's sweet. She's very sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a delight.

How old is she really?

[Allison Rosen]

15. At least.

[Adam Carolla]

She's 23.

[Allison Rosen]

She's got to be 20 something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Early. Early 20.

[Allison Rosen]

So she's a smart girl, too.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're over at Sheen's house. How come I.

[Allison Rosen]

How come you aren't invited?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I feel like I'm the only celebrity that's never met Charlie Sheen. To the best. The best of my knowledge. I really don't feel like I know the guy.

[Allison Rosen]

How do you.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you know Sheen? Oh, you know his dad, right?

[Allison Rosen]

I do. I, I, his dad I consider family. But Charlie and I worked together twice before that, before the West Wing. Once was a movie called the Arrival and then Major League Two. Oh. And we're talking about maybe, maybe doing something on his next show. So that's one reason.

[Adam Carolla]

What's a lot of booze over at Charlie's house, huh?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it's well appointed.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he, is he sober now?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't, I don't really know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, take that as a no.

[Allison Rosen]

I know that he's, you know, he's, I, I think he's a good guy. I've always liked him.

[Adam Carolla]

I like him too.

[Allison Rosen]

And I kind of loved his, his ranting and raving a little bit. Because if you've spent more than seven years on it on a TV show and you've dealt with the betrayals and the promises and the letdowns and so on, if you don't rant and rave like he did, then that's insane. To rant and rave is the sane reaction.

[Adam Carolla]

But as a guy who feels like his dad, his family had to be a little freaked out for his dad knowing that his son was going through this.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah. No, I'm sure. And I'm sure. And that there are some other things going on there, obviously. And, you know, I know they love each other a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

And so Ross comes walking in like his shit doesn't stink around halftime.

[Allison Rosen]

His shit didn't stink, I gotta say.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're just partying down. Call me dick.

He's never said that. Never once. Not even once in his life.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. I know. I've talked to people who knew you back in the 70s and Boulder.

Me?

Yeah, yeah. They ain't dating Jeff Ross, that much I can tell.

[Allison Rosen]

You dating Jeff Ross?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, they're. The grandchildren are dating Jeff Ross. All right. Yeah. I don't remember when. It was somewhere around the third quarter, he said, I'm going to Charlie Sheen's house. I was like, he showed up in the second half. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

In fact, he did.

[Adam Carolla]

Unless he. I don't think he gives a. About football, tell you the truth.

[Allison Rosen]

Jeff? Yeah, we didn't talk football.

[Adam Carolla]

He's more than a 22 year old. We want to take some phone calls. Want to try to help some people?

[Richard Schiff]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Give out a little advice. Little love advice. Hey, Chris.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, Adam. How's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, get it on H, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on, brother. Oh, he's calling from Colorado. What part of Colorado you in?

[Caller/Guest]

I live in Denver.

[Adam Carolla]

You've been on a tour of the Coors factory?

[Caller/Guest]

I have been on a tour of the corsetry.

[Adam Carolla]

See that, Richard? He's an American. It's two out of three. That's me on the tour with the skinny blonde. And as I've said, skinny blondes never know a goddamn thing. First words out of my mouth is, what was up with the whole smoking the Bandit thing? Excuse me? The whole smoking the Bandit thing with the Coors and the whole thing. Trucking the Coors. What was the whole story with. I don't know what the story was. Why couldn't they have Coors and Texarkana? I'm not. I don't know what you're talking about. I said smoking the Bandit. The whole thing was about getting a truckload of Coors, you know, across the Mason Dixon line. I didn't see that. Okay, I know you didn't see the movie, but what was it? What was the deal? Like, why was it illegal? I don't get why it's illegal. I don't. I don't know. I don't. Haven't seen. I haven't heard that movie. I don't know what's brought that up. Wait a second.

[Allison Rosen]

You. You.

[Adam Carolla]

You give guided tours of the Coors factory, and no one brings up smoking the Bandit?

[Caller/Guest]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. That must come up 28 times a day, right?

I don't know, Richard.

Don't just dive in and back me up there.

[Allison Rosen]

It wouldn't have been my first question

[Caller/Guest]

28 times a day.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Look at you.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just saying. What are you guys looking at over here? I don't know what just happened that you both look stumped and confused.

[Adam Carolla]

He asked her a question.

I asked her a question.

She's looking off in the distance, trying to figure out if she knows.

I asked her what her middle name was, and she was like, holy shit. I gotta go back to the office, find some paperwork. All right. Anyway. What's up, Chris?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, listen. You know, my wife and I, we have. We have a great life, in my opinion. You know, last year, you know, we made, like, 100 grand. I just got a big raise of work, so we're gonna make even more than that this year. You know, we both work, we have a kid, we own a house, and just. She's never, like, happy. She's never. She never, like. I'm not saying she should settle. I'm not saying Appreciate the fact she works hard and she wants more, but it's just like she's.

[Adam Carolla]

She not happy. Quiet. She's not happy with the money. Well, take her the Coors factory tour. By the way, that put a smile on her face. She's not happy because of the income or she's just not happy?

[Caller/Guest]

She's just. She's just not happy. You know, like she, she grew up dirt broke, poor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

You know, and she didn't want to be that. And now she's not. You know, I mean, both of her parents, you know, are worse than. Your parents are roughly the same. I swear.

[Adam Carolla]

How dare you. No one's worse than my parents. But I want to say this. You keep getting back to the money, but she seems like she's unhappy just because she's unhappy. Just like there's some people that are happy that are happy, money or not. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Caller/Guest]

I know, but she's so money centric. It wouldn't be all about the money for me if she wasn't money centered.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, is it the money or isn't it that? Number one. Number two, it's never about anything. You're either happy or you're not happy.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, there's a few ways to solve this problem. Some is pharmaceuticals. Some people just have an imbalance. I mean, they're clinically depressed. And then most people, it's just how they are. They're like breeds of dogs. You know, some dogs, tails are always wagging and some tail, some dogs are always biting the mailman like it's kind of who they are. I don't know that you can make someone happy who's not happy there. You can fix a toothache that's making someone unhappy, but you can't go, hey man, get happy. And if she thinks another 50 grand a year is going to make her happy, I guarantee it won't.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's an interesting fact, if I can chime in, please. I think there was a study done on lottery winners and there's been no separation, no difference between their so called happiness and unhappiness. Their level of happiness a year later after winning millions and millions of dollars. And I did the same person ultimately, if not worse off.

[Adam Carolla]

Well.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, that. Haven't they spent all their money by that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, no, what it is, what Richard is saying is you're sort of are who you are, right? And the happiness comes from satisfaction. And buying a lotto ticket doesn't give you much satisfaction. So earning that money is a Lot more satisfying than having someone just give it to you.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

In terms of making money, you can always do that. But that's not gonna change her general dynamic and makeup.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And Chris, you're gonna have to sort of make a decision. Is she willing to work on it? Because if she says, I'm unhappy and I'm fine with that, then you're gonna have a long, shitty life ahead of you.

[Caller/Guest]

Right? That's a good point.

[Adam Carolla]

So you have to ask her, is she willing to work on her happiness?

[Caller/Guest]

Okay. I hadn't thought about just putting it to her like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, the thing about happiness and unhappiness is unhappy is very selfish. In terms of your kids, in terms of your family, in terms of society. A society with happy people is a very good society, and a society with unhappy people is a shitty society. And you sort of owe it to your roommate, husband, wife, children, neighbor in general, coworkers and everything to sort of wipe that puss off. I'm not saying you can't have a bad day, but I'm saying you sort of owe it to the people around you to be happy. It's not just your own personal problem. It's sort of like bo. It's a psychological BO that ain't just your problem. I'm fucking.

It's a funk affecting everything.

Yes. I'm standing behind you in the line going through customs and I'm smelling you, and now your funk is affecting my nostrils.

Has she been in therapy at all?

I'm gonna go with no. But, Chris.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, definitely not. No, she to her therapy is giving up or something. So, you know, I mean, I brought it up. I mean, she's better than now than she was, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Do you have any. Do you have any kids?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, we have a five year old.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I really. You need to evoke the little Lindsay McKenna. Shelly. Michelle.

[Caller/Guest]

Evangeline.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that your five year old?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Say to her, listen, growing up around a pissed off mommy is gonna give this chick an eating disorder. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller/Guest]

Well, yeah, no, it'll just. It'll ruin her perpetuating things.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody angry mommy is bad. All right, so tell her you're gonna go on a tour of the Coors factory and she needs to do some soul searching. All right.

[Caller/Guest]

Do I have to take her with me?

[Adam Carolla]

No. But you know what? I don't like.

[Allison Rosen]

I would if I were you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take her with you. You know what I need at the end of the tour, they go, we got this local brew that only. We only sell here, and it's the fucking best one. And everyone is going through the tour, doesn't live there. It's not like you live in Golden, Colorado, and go, what do you want to do this weekend? Let's go on another tour. The Coorsbacker. Everyone there is from somewhere. So they're basically going, we saved the best shit for here. You don't get to go with that stuff. I don't even know what it's called, but it was like some kind of, you know, secret brew. 26 or something. But either way, tell her that happiness is a major issue and it's majorly gonna affect her child.

[Caller/Guest]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I will.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I offer Chris one twist on that? It's all correct, but maybe at the end, suggest that you'll help her with whatever she need, because she may be hearing it as you're telling me to get happy. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. Everybody. Everyone has to do that thing too. You have to include yourself.

Just whistle.

I've had that. I've had that with relationships. I'm like, hey, listen, my pussy stinks too. Okay? So we both go.

And you're like, I'm gonna help you.

I want to help you.

Right? With your.

We both are a little yeasty. So why. We should both go.

Hey, I bought two bottles of Douche.

Yeah, that's right. One of them's got my name on it.

The Douche is half full.

That's where I'd like it to be. Yeah, you have to do that. I want to compromise thing too. I'm a compromiser. Someone's dating their boss. Hey, Billy.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Dating the boss.

[Caller/Guest]

That's right. Adam, what do you think about that?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm explosive. I think it's. I think it's good, but I need to see her.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. How hot is she?

[Caller/Guest]

Pretty damn hot, man.

[Adam Carolla]

So she's pretty hot. And the boss.

[Caller/Guest]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

And what do you do?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm an underling with no power at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Her name's Ling.

[Allison Rosen]

On how many levels an underling?

[Caller/Guest]

She's my direct supervisor.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

But I mean, like, in the bedroom.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

No. Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

What reversal there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I was curious.

[Adam Carolla]

Now who's wearing the ladies?

Yeah.

Trolling like the pace, so that's gotta feel good. And by the way, you know, we do. It's a total double standard thing, because when it's the chick that's fucking the boss, it's like, sweetie, he's taking advantage of you. You don't know what you're doing. You should really tell supervisor when it's a dude, it's like, all right, I

think we're gonna need to know what kind of business they're in, though.

[Caller/Guest]

It's not really a business. It's more like we process documents for an insurance company.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in a sexy environment like that,

[Allison Rosen]

no wonder you had to turn to sex.

[Adam Carolla]

Steamy. Steamy. Yeah. So, yeah, 1974, Richard's hanging out with a bunch of crunchy Coloradans processing documents. You ain't upside, are you, baby? All right, so you know, in about 35 years, I'm gonna be playing Superman's dad. All right, so what's the question?

[Caller/Guest]

I was just wondering, how long do you think something like that can last?

[Adam Carolla]

One person has probably over now. You just don't know it.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, damn.

[Allison Rosen]

Getting the pink slap in the mail.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's what it's called. Yeah, but then.

[Allison Rosen]

Then you have a sexual harassment case.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not gonna go on forever.

Well, is she married or anything?

[Caller/Guest]

Not that I'm aware of.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you guys girlfriend, boyfriend, or is this just like a fling?

[Allison Rosen]

Is she wearing a ring?

[Caller/Guest]

No. Yeah, we've been dating for about six months.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Enjoy yourself and, you know, keep your eyes open. I, you know, I really wish that somebody would have pulled me aside all through my 20s, you know? You know that, you know, all that, oh, I'm in love. All the highs and lows and the heartache and all that kind of stuff and just went, look, you're not going to do any. You're not marrying anybody. You're not getting anyone pregnant. Just fucking go have some fun and enjoy yourself. And then, like the ghost of. Of relationships, future will come back when you're about 30 and we'll talk turkey. But until then, just have fun.

And all that second guessing and worrying. The thing is, it doesn't even help.

Yes, but he doesn't sound.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't sound like you're worried about it. You sound like you're having some fun and you know, what's. What's up.

[Adam Carolla]

He's always talking about me.

He's bragging. Yeah, that was cathartic. He's just bragging. That's all he's doing.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, we got a $75 proflowers gift card to give out and.

[Allison Rosen]

Jesus Christ, I want that.

[Adam Carolla]

I, you know, we might toss you on, use it to cut that coke up from back in the 70s. Still got a bindle. 100 blooms. Love you and Sheen drawing a line. Oh, man. Imagine if Charlie Sheen was around in the 70s. Good gravy.

[Allison Rosen]

I think in his mind, he still is.

[Adam Carolla]

1999 for 100 blooms. Oh, love with a free glass vase. That is a savings. 50%. You can upgrade. Got the Adam Carolla show Valentine's Day special, by the way. 39.98. Well, you get the 75 card. Boy.

Did you say 100 blooms?

100 blooms.

That's a lot of blooms.

[Allison Rosen]

Roses or of dead. Dead flowers.

[Adam Carolla]

Hell, they're definitely fresh and alive.

They're guaranteed for a week. You can love these.

[Allison Rosen]

I really want.

[Adam Carolla]

I want that 39.98 that gets the free glass vase of chocolates. The teddy bear.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, the chocolates. I would definitely want the teddy bear.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll. You might walk away. Play your cards right with the gift certificate and the. Again, the gift card. 75 bucks. 800 ProFlowers and mention Ace. 800 ProFlowers. Or go to ProFlowers.com. click on the microphone, top right, type in ace. It's available now. Order now. But this ends on Friday night at midnight. So look out, kitties. All right, that is 2, 10, Friday. What the hell?

[Brian Bishop]

Plus, you don't know if they mean, like, Thursday, midnight, and when it turns Friday or Friday. So don't chance it.

[Adam Carolla]

Jump on it this Friday right now.

All right. Girlfriend's B day is in a week. Valentine's Day. Girlfriend really wants to get married, but he doesn't want to. Let's talk to Kyle.

[Caller/Guest]

Kyle, Adam. How's it going, man?

[Adam Carolla]

How old's your girlfriend?

[Caller/Guest]

Girlfriend is 25.

[Adam Carolla]

How long have you guys been dating?

[Caller/Guest]

We've been off and on for about four years. We started dating in college, and now we've been. Now we've been back together for almost a year now.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

And she wants to get married. You don't.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, and it's one of those things where, like, all her friends are getting married. They're all getting engaged, and some of them haven't been dating their, you know, fiance as long as we have brothers getting married, the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. So do you want to get married to her one day?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Caller/Guest]

I do. I mean, she's. She's a great girl. Like, just, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Caller/Guest]

Really awesome. Just about every way. A little. A little too controlling, I would say.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You do want to get married, though, One day. So get married then. I mean, the reason for not getting married is thinking maybe I'm not gonna Marry her. But if you're gonna marry her anyway, you're gonna go through a hellish three years, and then you'll get married.

[Allison Rosen]

I want to. I want to ask why you wouldn't want to get married now because you want to sow some oats before you get the deed done or. What's up with that?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, it's. You know, I'm still. I'm still trying to get my career all set and going with everything. I mean, just about done with school this semester. She's already done with school and has a job and everything. So I want. I'm actually. Adam, you'd appreciate this. A driving instructor right now as I'm going to school, so I want to, like, be out there and be settled before we get married.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but what Richard is saying is, do you want to have sex with other women or do you just want to get your degree?

[Allison Rosen]

To be blunt? Yeah, that's what I meant.

[Caller/Guest]

I. I'd basically just like to get my degree and get settled. I would say first.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, hold on. I'm putting you on hold so we can talk about you without you butting it. Look, this shit where guy goes, hey, man, I want to get my degree and I want to. Blah, blah, blah, blah, but I want to get married. But I want to do this. You want to get married? You just get married and then you get your degree. It's like when a chick says, I'm just too busy to date right now. Not if she's into you. She's not too busy to date.

You know, I don't. But don't you think that's. I mean, you would know better than me because you guys are guys. But don't you think that's a thing where a man feels like he needs to be at a certain place in life before he can get married?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but that's bullshit. Because ultimately, ultimately, you gotta be connected to the woman that you love if you're gonna marry her. And there's no such thing as settled. There's no such thing. Have you ever been settled? There's no such thing. Established. What does that mean? Because everything can change in a. What's the expression?

[Adam Carolla]

Heartbeat.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Snap of the finger. So then are we calling BS on his relationship or we just think his.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the paradigm that I have to be established and settled and secure before I do something that might change my life is, to me, a false one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

You're never going to be settled. You're never going to feel 100% secure. You are going to Die. Things are going to change. I'm sorry to depress you. Things are going to change.

[Adam Carolla]

Music back on I want to think about Boulder circa 1974.

[Allison Rosen]

I got my oats sowed, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, hello, lady.

Now, tell us depressing stuff about mortality, please, miss.

So once you meet Mr. Oates. No, no, here's what you do.

[Sponsor Voice]

You get.

[Adam Carolla]

You graduate and you go, look, I want to get. I don't want to get married until I get my degree. And then you get your degree. And they go, okay, listen, can I find a job? Because I don't want to get it. I'm going to get married until I have my career. I'm going to get a job. Then you get your job. And then she goes, let's get married. And you go, look, it's my first year. I just want to get settled in. I just want to feel like I. I don't even know what tomorrow will bring.

[Allison Rosen]

Somebody who doesn't want to get married.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everyone will give you. And you're right, for a guy, there's a little more of. There's a little more, you know, a little more career oriented, oftentimes breadwinner and all that bullshit. And at age 25, you can simply make the, you know, hey, I'm 25. I'm not ready. Yeah.

My first reaction was, they're really young. Yes, but if he wants to marry her, if Kyle, he doesn't want to do it now.

He wants to go out and have sex with a few other strangers before he has sex. Hasn't admitted that.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, go ahead, Richard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

No, you go ahead.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, I mean, we have had our separations here along the way, so I have gone out and banged other chicks throughout this, and I think now I'm probably ready to just settle in with this one, with this one girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I can tell you this. If it's as you say it, and you are going to plan on marrying her anyway, and you have no objection to marrying her. It's just you don't want to marry her now because you'd like to graduate and then marry her. Then you'd say, all right, when I graduate from college or wherever I'm bartending school or driving academy, then pow, we can get married and it'll push it back and it'll, you know, you'll both be happy. If you're. If you're true to us and true to your heart by saying, I want to marry you anyway, then what's the difference?

[Allison Rosen]

Let me ask you something, Adam. When you were Young. Do you think marriage was some kind of place that you can get to that would be. What's the word? It would be safe and kind of done with certain other parts of your life. Yeah, I mean, I got married once before and I thought, okay, everything's good now. Everything wasn't good. It's not getting married that makes that happen. It's how much you love my wife, my current wife. My wife and I have been together 22 years, and we've had roller coasters and, you know, serious ups and. Oh, wow, look, there's my. There you are. Yeah. One of those kids isn't mine, just so you know. And, yeah, that's my beautiful wife, Sheila.

[Adam Carolla]

She's on Gossip Girl, is she not?

She is doing Gossip Girl, if you didn't know that.

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Isn't she gorgeous?

[Adam Carolla]

I am a gay man.

Yes, so.

And she was on Sister.

[Allison Rosen]

She was on Sisters, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

I totally know who your wife is.

[Allison Rosen]

And she also does the S Factor. You know about that, right?

[Adam Carolla]

To say, yes, you're on a roll.

Yes, I do.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes Factor. She. My wife was the first person. She invented the industry of. And you'd like this. Pole dancing for the everyday woman is exercise.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Allison Rosen]

That's my wife.

[Adam Carolla]

I actually invented that. I just didn't know. It's called S Factor.

[Allison Rosen]

She invented the whole shebang.

[Adam Carolla]

Dick shifts, all layers. Let's call a pioneer. She's the Lewis Ann Clark of pole dancing. Quit your grin and drop your linen. She invented that phrase.

[Allison Rosen]

She's the Magellan Jade. Stage four.

[Adam Carolla]

Stage four, Sorry. That's awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

I love the segue. Yeah, no, it's actually quite amazing to me.

[Adam Carolla]

So.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what? The woman from before who's unhappy should take one of Sheila's glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, you wipe that shitty and green off your face and mount the pole. How about you play like a fireman in reverse? I got three alarm. I'm going in my crotch, baby. How about you drop the attitude, I'll drop my shorts and we'll meet in the middle. Amber, stay straight. Say three. Amber. Oh, he's a little business take care of with those guys. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I blocked that out.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I don't know where at. Let's give this guy. Let's give someone a gift certificate. Hey, Scott.

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, Ace, man, what's up?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a girlfriend's birthday. Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

Her birthday's tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Caller/Guest]

And Valentine's Day's in a week.

[Adam Carolla]

How about you give her a pro flowers gift certificate for worth. For 75 bucks?

[Caller/Guest]

That'd be great.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, good. We'll put you on hold.

[Allison Rosen]

You still gotta get her a birthday present.

[Brian Bishop]

Problem solved.

[Adam Carolla]

Problem solved. There I go.

Wait, but did you finish saying what you were saying about your. I derailed us with saying yes. I de polled us. But you were saying that you've been with her for 22 years, and it's a roller coaster.

[Allison Rosen]

It was a roller coaster.

[Adam Carolla]

Polar coaster.

[Allison Rosen]

It was a roller coaster. We had serious ups and downs, but now it's better than it's ever been, and I'm quite shocked by that, but very happy about it. And we stayed together because. Not because it was safe and secure, but because we had a connection that, you know, transcended all that other crap. Look how beautiful she is. It's not so hard.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. That's easy to transcend. All right. Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

You got some? A little more news?

I do.

Now the rest of the news with Allison Rosen.

Roseanne Barr announced on Twitter she's running for president with the Green Party. This is her tweet. I am running for Green Party nominee for President of the United States, potus. I am an official candidate. I am for the greening of America and the world. Green equals peace, justice. She's vowed to legalize marijuana and has asked Obama on Twitter to freeze foreclosures. And then she's also been tweeting things that are a combination of just tweets and political messages, such as Madonna. Amazing. Really loved her show. They say Romney will pick Ron Paul for Vice. That's what she said on Super Bowl Sunday.

Awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

Not gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

She's nuts. This is great. Not that funny. Not as funny as people think, but

qualified to be president.

I'd vote for her. Why not? I think she's nuts, but not in a bad way. You know, nuts in a fun way. But either way.

[Allison Rosen]

Does she have to sing if she becomes president?

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be nice. Boy, was she big when she did that. She was a lot of woman. People forget. I don't know if she had the lap band surgery or something.

[Allison Rosen]

I think so.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, she was 150 pounds heavier than she is now. But anyway, good luck then. We're not gonna hear much from her in the future other than this kind of stuff.

You also don't hear much from the Green Party anymore.

Well, what did I say at the beginning of the show? Legalizing pot, gay marriage. It's rhyming me nuts. Just fucking legalize everything and let's move on with our lives, you know, I mean, we have real Problems. We have education. What about legalized structure, other.

[Allison Rosen]

Other. Other drugs?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm. For most of that. I, you know, I'm basically like, look, if you want to pay a woman to have sex with you and she wants to accept the money to have sex with you, that's between you and her. You know, this sort of consensual stuff where you just want to do harm to yourself. And look, I don't care if it's cigarettes, booze, or cocaine. If you're doing it, you want to do it, then that's your thing. If you want to drive while you're doing it, then we have a society that will pull you over and arrest you. That's fine. I'm not saying that I want to sort of lawless, free for all. But the part where you ingest what you want to ingest, especially in a society where Hardee's has a new burger that's called the three cubes of butter burger. That's just wrapped in bacon.

They do.

Rolled in nicotine, Vaseline. And the lard burger comes with a great burger. Yeah, it comes with a syringe and it's bestest bun. And you can go ahead and buy that and wash that down with a fifth of tequila and then go across the street to the big five and buy a crossbow. Well, that's the society we're living in.

[Allison Rosen]

I agree, but the question to me is actually more of a practical one, because how much people speak about the wars, you know, in Iraq and Afghanistan, and how much that's cost us, both spiritually, if you will, and also economically, trillions of dollars. But there's also a war on drugs, right, which has cost us hundreds of billions, if not trillions of dollars over the years.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

And what is that getting us? That's getting us nowhere except bankrupting our Treasury. It's time, for practical reasons, agree to legalize drugs as long as no harm is being done.

[Adam Carolla]

Not only that, but if they stay illegal, there's so much crime that's being enabled.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, exactly. You empower the gangsters, and there's a whole industry behind the war on drugs, but also in Afghanistan. What if we just bought all the opium at market price or above market price? Wouldn't that solve so many of the problems there? You'd cut off the money funds to the Taliban and to Al Qaeda and also control the flow of the opium products.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, all this stuff makes sense to sort of atheists that don't have a dog in the fight, you know?

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But when you start Mixing in religion. And you start talking about politicians. And politicians understand that there's some pretty simple answers. Hey, poor people, start pulling out, quit shitting out the kids. Hey, let's legalize this and stop giving money to the drug cartels in Mexico. Hey, let's stop funding Al Qaeda via the opium and heroin trade. Yes, that all makes sense. But the second as a politician, you go, hey, poor people, put on a condom. And by the way, I'm gonna buy up those poppy seeds. Then everyone goes, oh, this guy's a racist who wants to give money to drug dealer. And it's all off and it's political suicide. So. So we know it, they probably know it. We all know there's a practical answer. And that's why I've said, I want this country just to be run like a business where it's just a practicality to it where you don't get feelings involved and you don't. Yes. And you don't get religion involved and you don't get anything involved. It's just a pure practical. What's going to slow down Al Qaeda, what's going to slow down the drug cartels, what's going to work? Not, what do you think? Feel better about what makes you look better. You know, of course every politician going, I'm gonna be tough on drugs. Well, that's, that's all that gets. You're going, look, this experiment's not working. Our prisons are filled. There's a bunch of heads and duffel bags in Tijuana. Let's see if we can fix this. That doesn't, that doesn't get you any harm.

[Allison Rosen]

What's mind boggling is that the politicians that the side of the country that's into complete freedoms for guns, guns and free trade and deregulation, no regulation, capitalism, are also the ones that are not for the other freedoms, the freedom. The gay marriage you were talking about earlier, the legalization of drugs. It doesn't fit.

[Adam Carolla]

It's called being a hypocrite. Listen, I've said it many times. And the right and the left, both are hypocrites in many ways. But I've said, well, I'm a hypocrite in many ways, we all are. I said, why isn't Chuck Hest, you know, Chuck Heston wanted me to keep my, you know, once everyone have a gun, and that's fine because we're free and we're Americans and until you rob a liquor store, the government shouldn't be involved. But he's the first guy that wants the feds to basically take my home away from me if I planted a pot plant in the backyard. So which the fuck is it, Chuck? I mean, you want us to be free or not free? Do we have the decisions to my

people who are opposed to abortion, but also think we should be teaching abstinence in school.

Or better yet, they're against the morning after pill. They claim to be against abortions. You have a pill here that's not an abortion pill. It just stops the egg from implanting and pow. No, we're against that too. Of course. They're hypocrites. It's all over the place. It's right and left. It's the society we're living in.

[Allison Rosen]

The bottom line is there's so much at stake with these issues. There's so much emotion attached to it and so much voting power attached to it, that a solution would be the last thing that they actually want a morning after pill. That this is a huge issue that they prey upon in every election. They don't want to get rid of it. They don't want to solve it. They don't want to compromise.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they don't. Look, the right's version of it is, I'm gonna send a message to the fat cats in Washington. And the left's version of it is hope and change both don't mean anything.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Do something. But they're not gonna do anything. It's not gonna happen. All right. We're moving to Canada. Me and Richard are gonna open a commune over there in Canada. You guys want in?

Yes.

You playing the acoustic guitar, Richard?

[Allison Rosen]

I can.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. The party's gonna start up like 1974, baby. Bring the poles. I'll bring the acoustic guitar. We'll party.

[Allison Rosen]

And then they have chords up there.

[Adam Carolla]

I might have an autoharp.

I can get Burt Reynolds to bring out some chords.

[Allison Rosen]

Excellent.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's gonna bring the turquoise silver jewelry?

Bert will be packing that, but probably

[Allison Rosen]

find some right in the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The. His driver's dead, sadly. What's his name?

[Allison Rosen]

Burt Reynolds. Driver.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Ah, fuck. I'll think of his name. When you're hot, you're hot. When you're not. You know that guy? All right.

Angry lactivists. That's the word for breastfeeding activists.

Right.

Showed up in front of Facebook's offices in Austin.

Jerry Reid. Jerry Reid.

To breastfeed their babies. There was a wave of nurses across the country.

Yeah.

They're protesting the Facebook's rules about photos of nursing women because. Okay.

Facebook's policy we're so fucking. We're so angry and out of problems. We have a horrible combination in this country, which is self entitled, angry and out of problems. You see, when everyone's looking for clean water, you don't. There's none of this. You're just looking for water like you're trying to survive. We got way too much time, way too much entitlement, and way too much anger. Everyone's just fucking pissed off.

[Allison Rosen]

We have radar for anger. We're looking for. We're looking for troubles to get angry. But why does face. Why would Facebook but has all other crap on there, bar this?

[Adam Carolla]

They take down photos of women breastfeeding. Now they're act Facebook nude photos are on there. Policy is.

Are there nude photos on there?

[Allison Rosen]

I've been looking for them.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, there are, but I think they get taken down if Facebook comes out.

So they have a sort of a. Basically the same policy that a network television would have or something like, hey, we don't show that.

[Caller/Guest]

This.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, okay, well, here.

[Allison Rosen]

Breastfeeding.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's their actual policy.

Anything you can beat off to's got to come.

Here's their.

[Allison Rosen]

Have you beaten off to breastfeeding? Because that would be a.

[Adam Carolla]

You're saying you haven't?

I'm not. The night is young.

Have you guys tasted breast milk?

[Allison Rosen]

Uhhuh. I have.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you tasted breast milk?

I mean. No, I have.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened?

[Allison Rosen]

It's kind of, you know, I forget I was an infant. No, I. What?

[Adam Carolla]

How'd it go?

[Brian Bishop]

Is it milk? Like.

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's. Well, the colostrum is not milk. Like, it's kind of pre milk.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Figure out if I should get a boner or not.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna go ahead and do it

[Adam Carolla]

just in case my balls are on the fence. I don't know.

[Caller/Guest]

Prostate.

[Allison Rosen]

Very healthy, from what I understand is very healthy for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? All weird shit's very healthy.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. And it can't taste good if it's healthy for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how did you get the sampling? Ben and Jerry's.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, no, I was married to a woman who was pregnant. I mean, who was. Who had just given birth.

[Adam Carolla]

Was this a deliberate attempt?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, she. She offered up and I said okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I respect that.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Because I'm kind of blushing.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it borders on weird, but it's also kind of. It's kind of cool. I kind of like it, but I'm

curious about the idea that it would have been.

[Allison Rosen]

And let's put it this Way. It was the closest I was gonna get to her breasts for about six months.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, listen.

How could it have been accidental?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, she could have been sleeping.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you how. It could have been accident. No, it could have been accidental. She could have. You could have been. You could have been make. You know, you could have been making out and being intimate. And while she was producing milk. And you go down there and something comes out, you know, with manipulation or what have you.

[Allison Rosen]

And it's. It spits up into my mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not a wet nurse. I'm just saying, you're down there sucking bosom. Something could happen. Right?

Someone in that room has a wife who's nursing right now. And I'm trying to figure out if he has something to add to this conversation or not.

Chris, I thought you were looking at

[Richard Schiff]

me because we put up this picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, I was looking at you, contest winner, because have you tasted breast milk?

[Richard Schiff]

I have.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you for coming out. I appreciate it. I'm not alone.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. It was his own. He was a fat kid in high school.

[Allison Rosen]

Was it colostrum or was it the milk?

[Brian Bishop]

Parents walked in on him, ankles over his ears.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was gonna go to waste. Lynch, we don't waste. Seriously. Like, I could understand putting a little in my coffee, like, diluting it, but

just going, that'd be like soy milk in your coffee. It would not cut.

It would not work.

[Allison Rosen]

What about cereal

[Brian Bishop]

granola?

[Allison Rosen]

It's milk, for God's sake. What's everybody getting all uptight about?

[Adam Carolla]

I just put a little bit from

[Allison Rosen]

the bottle on the fingertip and just tasted. I don't believe you. I think you suckled for quite a while.

[Adam Carolla]

I noticed you put a little weight on. I call that sympathy weight. But he's sucking tit. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Skin looks great.

[Adam Carolla]

So what do we get to. We get to the bottom of it. Is it weird tasting?

[Allison Rosen]

Is it. All right, the experience is weird. I don't quite remember the taste exactly, but it's weird to taste, you know, milk from a human breast milk. Yeah, it's just. It would be weird to, you know, taste it directly from the cow and not from the bottle.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

It was odd, but, you know, it was an interesting experience.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And. Mike, did it taste weird? And. Two questions. Did it taste weird? And did you have to put a picture of a missing kid on your wife's ass for a week? I mean, technically, I'm no attorney. Yeah, no, it did taste weird. It's just one of Those you're not sure what to expect.

[Caller/Guest]

So it's.

[Adam Carolla]

You taste it very slowly and you're not.

[Allison Rosen]

Was it sweet? I'm trying to remember if it was sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess that might be a little sweet.

Yeah, that's what I've heard. I've heard it's kind of sweet and sort of similar I think to rice.

I'm never gonna get tired of this crochet.

So anyway, Facebook's actual policy is an exposed breast that is not being used for feeding. Violates our terms.

Uh huh.

But they take down pictures of breasts that are being used for feeding.

Right. So.

But it's funny that that's their actual policy.

I just like that there's an activist group for everything and they have nothing but fucking time on their hands and nobody.

You think they have time when they're nursing?

Nobody ever goes, ah, it's fucking Tuesday, ladies. What time is it? Like where are we supposed to be? Somewhere like, what's going on here? I mean, look, there's way too much of this. And the problem is is no one gives a shit because we're all tuned out now because there's so many separate complaining groups. You know, we said if just a handful of complainers, you had to kind of listen to them. They organize a march, you'd have to get out of the way. Now it's. Everyone has got something that they're fucking bitching about every 10 seconds. Who gives a fuck? I mean, does anyone really need to see breastfeeding on Facebook? Take a Polaroid and send it to your friend, you know what I'm saying? I don't give a shit about.

[Brian Bishop]

I just don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm tired of all the groups and all the complainers. I don't even like that there's a group, you know, mams with mams and mans.

[Allison Rosen]

But you're okay with breastfeeding in public. Yeah, look, and that's probably where this is coming from.

[Adam Carolla]

The problem. Here's the problem. The problem with all this stuff is there is a sort of a. There's a balance to strike, which is most people who breastfeed in public would go to a place that has a little less foot traffic and probably, you know, take some sort of sweater or shawl or whatever they have and kind of discreetly go about doing it. And that's fine. We, there's a sort of societal contract we have. I don't know why, but it's like, look, if you're gonna take a put piss, turn your back to everyone and go hit the hedge that's furthest away from the keg. That's. That's our. We don't talk about it, but if you're pissing on the keg and then you go. And then you get those, you know, you get groups for people, you know, Americans who want to piss on kegs. And then they come out and they protest, and it's a fucking pain in the ass. I'm just saying. We understand. So what happens is the one chick says, I'm just gonna sit here in the Chili's and breastfeed my kid in front of God and everyone while we're all waiting around. And then at some point, the manager comes up and goes, listen, we have a policy about. Could you. And then next thing you know, she's doing interviews on CNN and explaining that the guy ran up to her and started screaming at her and shamed her. And now she's suing Chili's. We can. We can avoid all this. You be a human being, and I'll be a human being. You go breastfeed your human being. Little off the beaten path over there. I'm not saying bury your head in shame, you whore. I'm saying go out to the fucking patio.

[Allison Rosen]

How did you know she was a whore?

[Adam Carolla]

I could smell it, taste it on her titty. Go out to the patio, position yourself in such a way where the uptight Christian family doesn't see it, and breastfeed your kid. That's all.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's everybody just get along.

[Adam Carolla]

We understand how this goes. All right, that's it. You can't go up and say to anyone, hey, could you mind if you took it over here or something? Well, you've shamed them and now they're having a press conference. That's where we're at as a society, and that's why I don't like these people. And when people say, wait, you don't think people should be able to breath.

[Sponsor Voice]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And you don't think they should be able to do in public. Sure, they should be able to do everything in public. But it's sort of. We just. With these sort of social contract that we've all entered as human beings. Don't be a fucking troublemaker and don't

[Allison Rosen]

pick your nose in public. While we're at it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying the new thing is, is what would they do?

What about in your car, though?

My new. Oh, my car doesn't run unless I'm picking my nose. It's like one of those things after you get your 50y and you have to blow into it to start the car. I have to shove my index finger up my right nostril. I can't turn my car off.

Are you ever so drunk that you can't find your nostril?

Well, that's when I have to have a friend stick his penis. I mean, finger up my nostril. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

By the way, I heard earlier that you were considering sucking off Rob Lowe, and so I've texted him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, did you? I was, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

He hasn't texted back yet, so I don't know if he's going to accept the offer or not.

[Adam Carolla]

But what did your text say? I feel like we want to know exactly how it was.

[Allison Rosen]

I said, adam, Carolla says he'd suck you off about to go on a show. What should I tell him?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, I. We definitely.

Again, so thoughtful of you.

I mean, it's. It's an invitation that never expires.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You understand.

[Allison Rosen]

So it's an open invitation?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not like. Well, sorry it's midnight. I checked the due date on my jaw. You know, there's nothing like that. No, no, it's redeemable anytime.

[Allison Rosen]

I will let him know any place.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, baby girl.

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Sip it, cunt.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, there he is.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Alice.

Brother's not bad, either.

Chad.

Chad.

[Allison Rosen]

Chad's Chad. Sweet guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he remarried? He was married to. What's her name?

[Allison Rosen]

Hillary.

[Adam Carolla]

Hillary.

Hillary Swank. And they broke up.

[Richard Schiff]

I didn't know that.

[Allison Rosen]

You know why? Because she didn't thank him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. What you want?

[Allison Rosen]

I forgot to thank my wife when I won one of those awards.

[Adam Carolla]

What'd you win and how did it work? Emmy.

[Allison Rosen]

I did win an Emmy. And how did it work? Not thanking her. Yeah, not well. I kind of got. It's freaky going up there. I mean, you're thinking a billion people are watching, and of course, you don't. I don't. To memorize a thank you speech, it's kind of like memorizing words to a scene you're probably not going to get to the next day. You just don't bother because you don't think you're gonna win and you're gonna jinx yourself and you're gonna jinx yourself, and it's just. It's too much to think about. It's all, you know, especially if you're new at it, like I was. I wasn't used to all this.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you get. Was this from west wing, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. So when I got up on stage, I just kind of flipped out a little bit and I. I said the first half of the thoughts that were in my head. And then I just forgot who I was, where I was, and what time it was, and just kind of got off the stage. And then as I'm walking off, somebody says, congratulations. And then I went, oops, I forgot to thank my wife. And I almost ran back on, but they had already moved on. So it was not fun, I gotta say, because I really.

[Adam Carolla]

You got business end of that brass pole when you got home?

[Allison Rosen]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

The business end of the pole?

[Allison Rosen]

No. She was hurt, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just say people don't realize when something happens like this, you get. It's such a rush of adrenaline, just a crazy rush of adrenaline. And adrenaline wipes out your memory. That's the problem.

[Allison Rosen]

That's well put. That's exactly what happens.

[Adam Carolla]

We're geared that way. I mean, we're hardwired that way. What's your wife's name again?

[Allison Rosen]

Sheila.

[Adam Carolla]

Sheila, if you're listening, this is scientific fact. Dr. Drew has told me about this on more than one occasion.

[Allison Rosen]

Is she the sex doctor?

[Adam Carolla]

You are wired. Yes, she is.

[Richard Schiff]

Whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a very passionate man.

She said to me, she said, when things. When you get that adrenaline surge, that adrenaline surge wipes out your memory. If you ever think about ever, if you've ever been in a street fight, you never remember that fight. You don't remember anything about it. You don't remember those moments, those crazy adrenaline surged moments in your life. And there's a reason why you don't do that. It's a vestige of the past. It's so you don't have post traumatic stress disorder. So when you have something horrible happen, which is usually when you get the adrenaline, you're wired to get the adrenaline surge for being attacked by Bear, not for winning the Emmy. So your memory gets knocked out.

[Allison Rosen]

The fear level is about the same. Yeah, that's what was utterly afraid of.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, everybody who gets into a car accident really doesn't have any memory. It's like a lot of waking up in the hospital or the last thing I remember was. And a lot of it is head trauma, but most of it is the shock and the trauma and the adrenaline and the situation. And there's a lot of. I don't have any real memory of it. And that's good that you're wired that way because you'd be having fucking horrible nightmares of Forgetting to mention your wife's name over and over again.

[Allison Rosen]

That's why women have second children, because they forget the trauma of the necessary.

[Adam Carolla]

But your wife is there to remember, to remind you that you didn't thank the bear.

[Allison Rosen]

No, she's. She's okay about it, but she was hurt, and I was hurt by it. I mean, it's just. She's the most important. She was. I was. I was really kind of devastated by it because she was the most important person in. In my life. And the reason, really, why I got where I got at that time.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. Good angle.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I'm not. I'm not trying to seduce you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, but you are. That's a good angle.

[Sponsor Voice]

Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

You play my wife.

Okay.

All right. Tell me you're hurt.

I'm really hurt.

I'm hurt, too.

But. But you. But I'm the one you didn't.

I'm hurt worse than you.

[Allison Rosen]

How?

[Adam Carolla]

Why?

I'm devastated.

[Allison Rosen]

No, that's not the. That's not the attack I took. I.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you. You're the reason I'm here. You're the wind beneath my wings. I wouldn't be alive.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just. I'm so much the better writer than you are, I have to say.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe actor.

You play his wife, and he'll play him.

Okay, I'll do that. And listen, I'm not getting a second Emmy for this. This is real.

Huh?

[Allison Rosen]

That was good.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Thank you, Richard.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm devastated that you didn't thank me up there. There you are up on stage. You thanked Marty, your agent. You thanked another stereotypical Jewish guy's name, your manager.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't. He's standing right there. My manager. I didn't thank him either.

[Adam Carolla]

Please tell me he has a good Jewish name. Yes.

[Richard Schiff]

What is it?

[Caller/Guest]

Irvine? Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Bernie.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not. It's actually not so Jewish. Michael. Michael Garnett.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's weak. All right. Anyway. And he didn't thank me. We've been together for what? What's it been now, nine years? Something 11 years?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

You tell me I'm special, but yet you get up on stage. I don't feel special anymore.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what? Get over it and grow up.

[Caller/Guest]

Whoa.

[Adam Carolla]

But what happened?

[Allison Rosen]

It's my night. You've been.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, what?

[Allison Rosen]

It's about me? What's wrong with you?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm your fucking muse.

[Allison Rosen]

How can you make this night where I get to win an award in front of a billion people? About yourself?

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? I'm gonna climb up the Flagpole and pretend I never heard of this. You understand? I like the twist, the angry twist. All right. Did we get rid of the news? Are we done with the news?

We did.

All right. I should. I should tell everyone that Lisa Lampanelli's coming on the show tomorrow. And then Dr. Drew, she's gonna be coming in. I love her on Friday. Did you really think Dr. Drew was a chick?

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know who she is.

[Adam Carolla]

Dr. Drew in the hissy.

[Allison Rosen]

Who is Dr. Drew?

[Adam Carolla]

I love that about you. Hey, only a celebrity shows.

[Allison Rosen]

Celebrity. Oh, celebrity rehab.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And Adam's old love line.

Yeah, he's nobody. But anyway, he's coming in here on Friday, so we got that. That guy. Seen that guy? Look at a picture of him there, by the way. Very gratifying.

[Allison Rosen]

Looks like a politician.

[Adam Carolla]

Going to be at the Redondo Beach Performing Arts center with the mayor of Chicago, Dennis Prager, on February 25th. Second show added, by the way. Second show, first one is about gone, so second added. Seattle. Jesus Christ. The first show at the Moore, which is 1900 and something seats, is almost sold out, and we may add a second. So if you're in Seattle, you may want to get on that. I don't know if we're going to add a second or not, but if I had a second show in the Moore, I'm going to be hard to live with because that is a big place and God damn Seattle. Spokane. That's March 9th. Spokane and Portland coming up.

[Allison Rosen]

Go to mpro.com what's the evening with Dennis Prager? Are you involved with that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Sitting down, talking about life.

[Allison Rosen]

Really? Yeah, I want to see. I want to see that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, second show. First show's gone clean. Okay, now we'll get you out there. You want to come out? Yeah, yeah. You like Dennis Prager?

[Allison Rosen]

I used to listen to him just to see how far down my jaw could drop.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a. He's a. He's a interesting dude.

[Allison Rosen]

He's very smart. He's a very smart.

[Adam Carolla]

We have really nothing in common, but he has a lot of wisdom, and I like that and sensibility.

[Allison Rosen]

And he's got fundamental support for what he says and what he believes, which I love. Like, I don't agree with them, I think, ever, but. But I, I like what, what, what it's supported with. I mean, you know what I'm saying? He's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he, he.

[Allison Rosen]

He's a thorough thinker, and he's an

[Adam Carolla]

original thinker, and he has convictions. And I, I think he's A very highly intelligent guy. That much. That much I know.

[Allison Rosen]

Although. Although he's wrong. Very well spoke, smart and wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he is wrong about certain things. But there's other things I completely agree with him on. And we'll find out up on. Up on stage. February 25th, second show. Go to my PC. Oh, this Richard, you need. You got a. You got an iPhone. You got an iPad.

[Allison Rosen]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you do.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't have an iPad.

[Adam Carolla]

You got an iPhone.

[Allison Rosen]

You're giving me an iPad.

[Adam Carolla]

You're going to be traveling. You travel a lot, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I do.

[Adam Carolla]

And you want to get to your home computer, maybe your work computer. How about getting to it via your iPhone? How about pulling up everything that's on your home computer or work computer on your iPhone?

[Allison Rosen]

Can I already do that?

[Adam Carolla]

You can do that. No, not without this app. Not without. Yep, Go to my PC app, brought to you by Citrix. It is the missing link for your iPad or in this case, iPhone. Gets you right to your computer. You can do anything, anywhere, anytime, just from just in the palm of your hand. Han you want to try it free 45 days, Richard. Free.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Free. 45 day free trial only if you use the promo code Adam. Visit, go to my PC.com, click on the try it free button and use the promo code Adam. And one more before we bring it on home here, Sherry's berries. You got some making up to do for Valentine. Not Valentine's Day. We can make it up on Valentine's. Yeah, but for the Emmys, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Still. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I would suggest Sherry's berries.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Huge dipped strawberries.

[Allison Rosen]

They're dipped.

[Adam Carolla]

Dipped in chocolate.

[Allison Rosen]

Excellent.

[Adam Carolla]

Unbelievable. Dark chocolate, dark light white, rolled in all sorts of yummy stuff.

There's a variety of goods.

[Allison Rosen]

If you're gonna dip, you might as well dip.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're. They're equal opportunity dippers.

[Allison Rosen]

Excellent.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't look at a chocolate's color and judge. They judge that chocolate by the content of its character, the color of its hue.

[Allison Rosen]

And who's Sherry?

[Adam Carolla]

She's got some major league berries. I'll tell you that right now. They're enormous and they're fresh. And you can get double the berries, by the way, for 10 bucks more. They got a 1999 deal. Over 40% savings offer. Expires midnight this Friday. Midnight this Friday. So call 866-fruit-02 or you can visit them online at berries.com that is B E R R I E S.com click on the microphone and type in Ace, Great gift. And again, the greatest Valentine's gift is the one you get to eat as well. See what I mean?

Yes.

You give her the gift and then,

[Allison Rosen]

and then you can eat.

[Adam Carolla]

Then you just really. Because you just start eating.

[Allison Rosen]

She doesn't want to gain anything.

[Adam Carolla]

She's on the pole.

[Allison Rosen]

She's on the pole.

[Adam Carolla]

You're on the berry, I'm on the crab.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so I got flowers coming and berries. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're gonna see me and prager out on the 25th of February.

[Allison Rosen]

This was worth the trip.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's get Richard in here like every other week.

[Adam Carolla]

Richard Ship everybody. House of Lies, Sunday night nights, 10pm on Showtime. And man of Steel coming out in about nine years. So until next time, Zano Ferrola for Ball Bryan, Richard Chipp, and Allison Rose. And saying mahalo. I want a cock shaped bong and I just want to fire it up. Come up next, we have Adam Carla Show 773 featuring Robert Kiyosaki, Allison Rosen, and Brian bishop. Also from 2012. Podcasting isn't just about talking. It's about growing, engaging, and monetizing. And that's where Podcast One Pro comes in. Whether you're an independent creator or a major brand, Podcast One Pro gives you the tools you need to take your podcast to the next level. We're talking about premium hosting, advanced analytics, dynamic ad integration, and expert distribution, all designed to maximize your reach and revenue. Plus, with access to Podcast One's industry leading network, you'll be connected to top tier advertisers and a massive audience. It's time to go pro and turn your passion into profit. Visit podcastonepro.com to get started today. Podcast One Pro. The Power behind the podcast. O Riley Auto Parts. Yeah, love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that. They're also, you know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to O'Reilly. And they got all the stuff. There's mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer, but my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O'Reilly. They got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also, they'll test your battery for free, and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see. The employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right. Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam

[Sponsor Voice]

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[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

[Sponsor Voice]

Men in Black, one through three.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Sponsor Voice]

Mean Girls.

[Caller/Guest]

Shut up.

[Sponsor Voice]

Titanic.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the king of the world.

[Sponsor Voice]

And so much more. For Showtime's press, Nothing. They're free 24 7.

[Adam Carolla]

That is so fast on Pluto TV.

[Sponsor Voice]

Stream now. Pay. Never.

[Adam Carolla]

Got to get it on. No choice but to get on Mandate. Get it on. It's funny because I'm signing my Rich Man, Poor Man. I don't even know what the hell to call these things, but I promise to give them out if you got Rich Man, Poor man, the ebook, and Michael Naron made sketches. And we're gonna sign them and hand them out to the first, I don't know, 1500 people that downloaded our ebook. And this is my last bucket to do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Signed everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, I gotta tell you, after the last book came out, well, I agreed to sign 5,000 book blades, I think it was. You don't really realize. It's like someone taking a thousand decks of cards. Only that'd be 50,000, wouldn't it? All right, let's say a hundred decks of cards. Is it five, 50 times?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. All right. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be like someone taking 97 decks of cards. Pissed. 97 and a half decks of cards.

That's a lot. My mind is boggling.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Including jokers. What? That's right. And One eyed jacks.

Is one of them an uno deck.

Yes, it is.

[Brian Bishop]

And the poker guide card that comes in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a poker hands.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody handing you a crate of old maid cards. Yes. Of like just the. Like. I guess it'd be like sort of like when you go on vacation and you got the greeting. Not the greeting card, but postcard. A case is a postcard. You open it, you have to sign every single goddamn one of them.

The fact that you're signing while talking is not affecting your storytelling at all.

The fact I couldn't come up with the term. Couldn't say postcard took 20 minutes to spit out. Postcard.

Yeah, but we were right there with you.

You're right there with me. Good. All right, let's see.

[Brian Bishop]

Certainly wouldn't want to do this on your free time.

[Adam Carolla]

This is my free time, buddy.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. Do my taxes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. People are going to want to. There's a couple things. A couple things? This show now, as we speak, the Apprentice is airing a very big apprentice, one that involves me quite heavily.

You're the project manager, right?

Yes, yes. And people will think, well, why haven't we spoke of it? And we, meaning you should see the Apprentice and meaning those in this room should see the Apprentice.

I always see the Apprentice.

And then we shall talk about it. So tomorrow's show, you will get a recap and there may be some complaining involved. I hope you're sitting down. All right.

You.

Yes, son. Moi, with the complaints. Robert Kiyosaki is here. They say that, right? He's an interesting dude. Rich dad, poor dad. Not rich man. Poor man, rich dad, poor dad. Also, it says here the guy was a helicopter gunship pilot in Vietnam. Sounds cool, right? It's badass. Yeah. Also says it's the number one personal finance of all time.

[Brian Bishop]

On which side?

[Allison Rosen]

Good. Oh,

[Adam Carolla]

just saying. Just saying. So Robert will be in here. We'll talk to him in a couple of few.

I wonder how he feels about the title of your book.

Yeah, it's kind of ripping his book off, isn't it? Oh, it's really ripping off. Rich Man, Poor man, which has already been. Was a book already, right. And then was like a TV miniseries. Yes, yes.

I wonder how they feel about him then.

Then they should feel about him some way and I should feel about me some way, which is always good. All right. Allison Rosen has some news. I have a new sponsor here, BigCommerce. You guys are listening. You're listening on your computer. You're thinking about starting your own computer based business, BigCommerce. That can help you out. BigCommerce.com that can help you navigate the very treacherous waters of online business. What do they do? Well, they will do your website for you. They will start stores for you. Figure out, I mean, so you have a product, I don't know, whatever your business is, you want to get online. I mean, really, it doesn't matter how successful you are. If you have a brick and mortar place, you need an online presence. You need an online store. People. We're not living in a time when people are going to get in the car and just go drive to your store anymore, and they may be out of the country and want your product. And that's where big commerce comes in. Two months free. So what they'll do is they'll do the social networking and the marketing and the web design and the accounting. It's all under one roof. So you have something, you want to sell it. You have a business that exists. You have an idea for a business. BigCommerce.com limited time offer, two months free. You can build a fully functional store for no expense. And they don't need your credit card, nothing. Just. Just try it out for free. That's how confident they are. I spoke to these guys on the phone. I was like, well, what? But then what? But then what? And they're like, no, just try it out for free. Go to bigcommerce.com, click on the microphone at the homepage, enter my name, Adam, and you can try it out two months free. They do everything, Soup to nuts, under one roof. And that means you don't need a roof. You just need a computer. All right, should we do a little news? Alison Rosen.

Yeah.

The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it cut. It's Allison. Allison.

The Navy and the Marines are going to start random alcohol tests. They already do random drug tests, but this is the first time they're gonna be testing for alcohol.

[Caller/Guest]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

If you're in the Navy, you gotta drink. That's the whole reason you get in the Navy.

Isn't that what sailors do?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You drink rum and then you sing about it, right?

Yes. And then you frolic with people from Sex and the City.

Yeah.

Well, no more. I mean, yes, they still can. This is actually part of an. They are saying it's about inspection and prevention.

By the way, I don't watch that show. But she's talking about the Fleet week episode from 2002. Anyway, go ahead.

It's inspection and prevention. Miranda was out of world on that.

Anyway, go ahead. Sorry. She's always out of this world. She really shined.

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Who would you be if you were one of them?

That show's gay. I don't watch that show.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know the names. I don't know any of their names. I don't know Miranda's name, and I don't know Cynthia Nixon or any of them.

Do you know Who Stanford is?

Yes. I mean, I don't know. That's the bald gay guy. The bespectacled bald gay guy. No, I would know that. Why would I?

Why would you know that? Yeah. Yeah. No.

Do you know who Emerson Boozer is? No. You don't?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there you go. You want to know why? Because you don't know much about football in the 70s, right? Well, there you go. Well, how would I know the character Stanford, right?

How would you know what happened to Miranda's computer in the episode that was about her mother's death? Should replace the motherboard. Okay, see, you don't know that. You guy just exonerated you. So this is to identify sailors or marines who may need counseling or treatment. Service members who test positive for alcohol won't be allowed to go on duty, but won't be penalized with a permanent record.

How long does the alcohol stay in you? I don't feel like it stays in you that long. The sad truth is the one drug that stays in you the longest is the most harmless, which is weed. Weed will stay in you, take out your killer insulin for a couple of months, where coke stays in you for a couple hours. And I don't think booze would. I don't think you would test positive for booze a day or two after you were drunk.

No, No. I mean, I think it's a breathalyzer. So I think they're saying you can't board this ship or do whatever it is you do that's military ish.

But they're looking drunk. But they're looking to get. You just said it was for counseling.

That's what they are saying.

Uh huh.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It's both. What they're saying is we're not gonna use this to bust you. We're just gonna use this to bug you.

I don't like this.

[Caller/Guest]

It.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're gonna be in the open

sea, I don't think they're gonna like it either.

Mm. My mistress is not only the sea, but it's Pinot Noir.

Mamley. All right. Ferrari.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she your fave? Really?

Well, Carrie, you know, second to Carrie.

What about Charlotte? Oh, she's the obvious fave.

Mm, I know. So sweet.

[Allison Rosen]

So sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you just snort? Ferrari will unveil its fastest streetcar ever at next month's Geneva Motor Show. It's the Ferrari F12 Berlinetta. Am I saying that right? Yeah. And it has a starting price of 310,000. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's intended to replace the 599, which is currently the automaker's top of the line production car. And the 599 has a starting price of 310,000. Pricing for the F12 Berlinetta has not yet been announced.

Yeah.

And the new car will be powered by 730 horsepower, 6.3 liter V12 engine. And it'll be capable of going from zero to 60 miles an hour in three seconds.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a top speed of 211 miles per hour.

Yeah. I'm going to be my mom for a second. Where do you need to go? Where can you go? This is Los Angeles. You can't. It's traffic. Do you really need a car that goes 211 miles with gas prices? I like when they do that. Like, bitch, I got 400 grand to toss around on a car that goes zero to 60 in three seconds and gets two and a half miles per gallon. I'm not that worried about the price of gas at this point.

Does this come in an electric version?

Yeah, it is a. It's a nice car. And I like the idea that Ferrari is still doing what Ferrari does. And yeah, it's going to replace the 599 and 558. Italia is out there and very quick with this, the new flagship.

Did you hear one of your colleagues claims that white is the most popular Ferrari color now? It has superseded Ferrari red. And it has. It's because of the popularity of the Apple products. We can't source this story though. So it's just scuttlebutt at this point.

Interesting.

Have you seen a lot of white Ferraris out there zipping by so fast you can barely see them.

Scuttlebutt. Good name for gay bar. Like on the shore.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Go down, we're gonna dock and then we're going into scuttlebutts. That white Ferrari, believe me, if it doesn't start white, it's gonna end up white. The night is young. Want to go to shuttlebutts for a smart cocktail?

[Brian Bishop]

Bribery. I don't not want to go.

[Adam Carolla]

It is fleet week.

[Brian Bishop]

That's such a Miranda thing to say.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I have a couple theories, and here's the theory. White cars and black cars are more popular now, it seems like, than they were like 15 years ago. A lot of people get black cars. I don't get it, but they do.

I regret my black car.

You should, because if you live in the San Fernando Valley, you have a black interior and get a black car assistant. Matt, the porcelain punisher just got a Black car car's gonna be an extra 22 degrees hotter during the summertime if not parked in the shade. Also, it shows the dirt off and the bird shit and all that kind of stuff. White cars stay cool and you barely have to wash them. But I do have a theory, which is certain cars wear certain colors better. Certain manufacturers have their colors. For instance, Aston Martin has Aston Martin racing green. That's their color. If you see a Ferrari and Aston Martin racing green, it looks weird, right? Mercedes. German cars have silver. When you see a Mercedes and an Aston Martin racing green, weird. So is that the green that we're

looking at right now?

You're looking at Aston Martin racing green, and it looks fantastic on that car. That car looks good in black, too, but it kind of dies.

I have a mechanical pencil. That color.

A Jag looks great in British racing green, and Ferraris look great in red. That's kind of the color they were meant to be. And yes, there's me and my Aston Martin with my Aston Martin racing green. The newest of the Ferrari, I think it's the 558 Italia. People are getting that car in white, and they seem to like it in white. And it. A few guys came out with them and they got popular, and then people saw it in white and they started buying that car in white. And thus that car, which does look good in white because there's weird, different, you know, women who look. Some cars are summers and some cars. Oh, you know how Miranda's a fall?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

There's the 558, and it looks good in white, and people get it in white.

Pearly white. Or is that just.

That is a pearly white, and people get it in that color. And I think that's. I think that's what's going on. I think that is what's pushed us over the edge into white. And also then there's that part where people talk about red cars getting more tickets than right. And right.

Because you're gonna be. You're gonna fly under the radar in that white Ferrari.

Well, slightly more under the radar. And then there's. And I don't know if you're worried about being a douchebag at this point,

but, like, that ship is sailed.

We are. We have now, we do have a society where you can be too big a show off.

Yes.

And you can drive your bitch in Ferrari, but in its muted tones, you sort of get your pussy and fly under whatever radar. You don't get to be a douchebag.

The sports car is all the rage still. Because it seems like for the douchebags that I grew up with, the whole thing was just getting a big truck truck.

I don't know anyone like an SUV or big truck, like with a lift kit on it and the big tires and all that kind of.

I mean, that thing.

Yeah, yeah.

With the Calvin pissing on hob sticker.

Oh, yeah, I like that.

Orange County.

Yeah.

I don't know anyone back then who. Who had race cars. And it may just be a money thing.

Yeah, I don't. I don't know. I always had to drive a pickup truck, sports car. I mean, because. Right. I had to drive a pickup truck because I had to do it for a living. And then as soon as I got out of it, I want to drive things that were made for the road. But yes, the big truck with the lift kit craze is gone. And thank God, because those are just big pieces of shit that don't work well on or off the road and they get horrible mileage and so on and so forth. But it's interesting and I believe the white, and I do believe that it's probably something to do with apple, but I also believe the cut of the car makes a difference. And maybe when you looked at some of the old, like, I'll give you an example. Find me a Ferrari Daytona. Find me like a 72, 73 Ferrari Daytona. You take a 72, 73 Ferrari Daytona, find it in red, you do it in white. You'll never see them in white. They just didn't look good in white. So the shape, I don't know if it's. The longer cars that don't look good in white. The longer V8. Sorry, V12 front engine cars. Like this car, this car in white is not that exciting. It needs to be in red. All right.

Anyway, I have another car story.

Yeah, you do.

It's about a Lamborghini.

What?

And this is not a concept car, but it is a one off. There is a convertible version of the Aventador and what they did was they took off the roof and the windscreen. Is that a fancy word for windshield windscreen?

Yes, it is. Who says that? It's sort of British.

Right.

So it's like boot and bonnet.

Yeah. Okay.

And the Aventador is the, like, flagship Lambo. Now it's a top of the line Lamborghini.

And they, so they, they removed the windscreen fitting. Two small wind deflectors in front of the driver and passenger compartments. They took out the climate control and took out the Navigation and infotainment system. Yeah. Trying to make the whole thing really light.

Yeah.

And the open air J will hit speeds as high as 186 miles per hour.

Yeah. You see, when you don't have the roof, you don't get the aerodynamics, and thus you can't have the top speed. There, I see. You see, you need that.

Right? Although if you're in an open air car and it's doing 186 miles an hour, that would be painful, wouldn't it?

It feels fast. But if you're at Le Mans

with

your windscreen and you're on the Monsant Straight. Tell that to all the cars that are going 210 miles an hour with a roof.

They wouldn't even hear you.

Yeah. As a matter of fact, one of the guys. Well, you know what I'm saying is this.

That's a total carry thing to say.

Pete Brock is one of the guys who built some of my cars, some of my bre race cars. One of them being 70ft behind us or in front of us. And he was the guy who made the Daytona coupe so that they could win at Le Mans. So he actually took a Cobra and put a roof on it so that it. Because when it was a convertible, when it was a Shelby Cobra, its top speed was limited because there's just too much air going inside the car. But he put the roof on it and then they were able to win at Daytona or whatever. And he's the guy who built the. That's not a real Daytona.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Astroglide. Can't say Astroglide without saying ass.

It's true.

Never thought about that.

You can't say astronaut without saying astro.

There's another picture of a non Daytona Cobra, but thank you. It's the same car. You're looking.

We're just showing you Aston Martin without saying ass. I could be here all night saying ass.

I'm waiting. It'll. Yeah, we're just looking at a kit car. We're not looking at an actual Daytona cover.

[Caller/Guest]

Wow, that's good.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so Michael Bauer, whom you mentioned on the show, recently emailed and he said Adam apparently thinks he's reaching you. Adam, thanks for mentioning me on your recent show.

It's not a real picture of one either. He's making replicas in South Africa. You gotta find a real Daytona coupe. Not that we need it, but anyway,

yeah, Adam, thanks for mentioning me on your recent show.

Hold on a second.

And thanks for the double Block that got me into the end zone almost 40 years ago.

Michael Bauer, the guy I used to play Pop Warner football with when you

did the brilliant football move when you

were a team player, corroborate my story.

Yeah, well, I mean, he didn't argue with it. He said, adam, thanks for mentioning me on your recent show, and thanks for the double block that got me into the end zone almost 40 years ago. I am now a philosophy professor and law professor in New York City. In other words, you were banging a lot more cheerleaders than I was.

Wow. His dad was a coach. I remember. And I remember being a very thoughtful kid.

[Brian Bishop]

He's very philosophical about.

[Adam Carolla]

He really is.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So he played for the East Valley Trojans in 1972 when I was throwing that block or 75 or whenever it was. Yeah, I remember he was 21. I'm number 21. Remember, his dad was a coach, super red shirt, and he had sort of a bowl cut and. Yes, that kind of looks like him. Also looks a little like Ray Manzarek, but he's playing the keyboards right there. Wow. So someone must have told someone, Michael.

Or maybe he heard it. Maybe he listens.

I should start shouting out names of other guys. I played Pop Warner football.

That you want to.

[Brian Bishop]

Please do. Please do.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you listening? Dan Foote with an E or. No, I can't.

You probably don't know. Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I wouldn't.

[Caller/Guest]

I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I think at an E. I think I had an E. Dan Foote.

Keep going.

Well, I mean, I had the Boyd brothers, Henry and James.

The Boyd brothers.

I think when I was doing a radio show, there were sheriffs or something like that.

[Brian Bishop]

We got some check in from the Boyd brothers, or someone knew them.

[Adam Carolla]

They're brothers and brothers.

Good sheriff name.

And my mom used to drop me off in there to soak up a little local color.

Right.

You know what I mean? And it was weird.

To prevent you from being too white.

The only white guy in a ghetto back in.

[Caller/Guest]

Back in.

[Adam Carolla]

In the day. It's kind of cool. It was a novelty. You know what I mean?

I can imagine.

And mama boy got bused in.

[Brian Bishop]

You got bust out.

[Adam Carolla]

I got bust out. Yeah. Mama had made, like, ham hocks and grits and all that. I mean, it was.

[Allison Rosen]

It was.

[Adam Carolla]

It was crazy.

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's. Oh, there's Henry Boyd to my. To my left over there. Yeah. We're best buddies back there. Or maybe that's James Boyd. I can't. I can't. You know, it's hard to tell him

Apart, you guys couldn't look more.

I mean, the Boyd brothers. We could look more awkward.

Well, I mean, really cute. Really, really cute. But maybe it's just that. Maybe there's a lot of glare.

Well, we are. Well, they do.

He has a pained smile.

They face you toward the sun.

Yeah.

Because if they put your. They put their back to the sun, you can see the shadows behind us. So they make you look into the sun and then they. Then you kind of squint a little bit because you're looking at the sun. But yeah, we're best buddies. That's why we take it back.

You don't look awkward and you look adorable. And he just looks kind of like.

He does have that look, but it could also be a look. You know what I mean?

A what?

You know, it's kind of a wink and a nod look to it. It just kind of depends how you. Yeah, but I can see both sides of it. Yeah, that's me and.

[Allison Rosen]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Henry or James Boyd posing back in 1974. So for some sort of. We won the champion or we came in second or something. Something like that. But we'll see. I'll throw out. I'll throw out a few names. Ah, there. There's Pete Brock in his Daytona. Wow, that sounds awesome. Yeah, that car. Said it before. Won the manufacturers championship in like, I don't know, 60, 66, 64, whatever. Whatever it was got sold to Bob Bondurant. The guy drives, has a driving school. He bought it for like 10 grand. No, he bought it for like 5 grand. And then he sold it two years later for like 10 grand and thought he was a genius. And then it sold for $7.3 million.

[Brian Bishop]

I never thought I'd say these. Never thought I'd say these words, but can we please get back to your Pop Warner teammates?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we've got the Boyd brothers, we've got the Dan Foote.

So Michael Bauer chimes in.

Look at him now, being a professor and playing keyboards.

[Brian Bishop]

Eric Kramer, too, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Eric Kramer played 13 years in the NFL.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Played with him, too.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he's got a little roster.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I would have blocked for him, but he didn't start. I always love that story.

Get this. Photographers mistook 66 year old Debbie Harry for Lindsay Lohan. Oh. Mm. And look, they actually, in these photos, don't look that dissimilar. They look similar. So Debbie Harry was leaving the Mercer Hotel on Sunday and photographers crowded around her taking pictures, thinking that they were shooting Lindsay Lohan, who had hosted snl the night before.

She does the. She's one of the few people that does the Deborah Harry and the Debbie Harry. Mostly I remember is Deborah. But toggles back and forth, right? Not most people. Most people cannot.

Most people go the Gibson route.

They can't build the bridge between Debbie, Deborah, she goes back and forth. What's going on? Lindsay Lohan. I know she's like. She's like work being done and. But she's 24 and a half.

Well, that's the thing, is that she looks so much older than she is at this point.

Well, but doesn't plastic surgery, like, we have a thing where it's like, if there's a math that we do, which is if it looks like you had work and nobody has work before 40, thus you must be over 40, there's a way your brain works that you're aware of, and then there's a way your brain works that you're unaware of. So anyone who's had plastic surgery, like, if somebody said, well, you want to date? I want to set you up with my friend. She's had a little plastic surgery. We think, well, I don't want to date. She's too old.

40.

She's had plastic surgery. So when you have plastic surgery and look like you've had plastic surgery, even if you elected to do it when you were 19, there's a part of your brain that makes you think we're dealing with. You're dealing with Phyllis Diller here.

Exactly. That's the question. Someone who. That super plastic surgery look that people have, you always think either they are really old and they look okay or they look terrible and they're really young.

Yeah, but it's sad because she's naturally beautiful.

Was. Is.

Yeah. Was naturally beautiful. And I don't know how old she is now, but. But she can't be older than.

She's 25.

She's 25. And this is all. I mean, she's 25. She's not supposed to.

And I really. Yeah, I really don't think she needed it.

No.

But I mean, I guess it sort of becomes a mania. Like Heidi Montag.

Oh, yeah. I mean, she was beautiful. I don't know what she was messing around with. I mean, Lindsay or Heidi? Heidi. I mean Lindsay. I mean, who cares? But why now is she hosting snl? Should she be hosting snl? And has she done anything, I mean, other than being picking up garbage by the side of the freeway? She done anything last five years?

Well, she also worked at a funeral parlor.

Oh, okay.

The morgue. I mean, not at. But she's supposed to play, I think, Elizabeth Taylor in an upcoming movie. And I don't know. I think she got booted out of that Linda Lovelace movie.

Don't you think the people that work at the morgue are scarier than the people that are at the morgue? You know?

Right, because they're moving.

Yeah, like. Like, that would be my scared straight. Like, forget about who's in cold storage. How about this guy?

Yeah.

You want to end up like him?

The guy without the toe tag?

Rob, come here. Put down that payday and come here.

[Brian Bishop]

She goes back to the judge. Judge. I've learned my lesson. I saw the most horrifying people.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy had five pencils in his lab coat.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Ms. Lohan, you weren't supposed to.

[Adam Carolla]

Lesson learned. Mm.

Sears is selling T shirts, Adam, which I think you will appreciate. They say I heart butt plugs. We have a photo.

Wow.

Were you not just commenting on butt plugs?

I feel like I did. I mean, I only did 25 minutes on Butt plugs. It's not like I did half an hour.

Right, yeah, you were just warming up.

[Brian Bishop]

Are butt plugs, like, a construction thing? Like, are there actually things in the construction world called butt plugs?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's butt joints, and then there's the butt side of the door and the strike side of the door. The butt side would be the hinge side, and then there's bung holes.

Wait, what makes you think this is a construction thing? I feel like this is really, really sold on Sears.

No, this is really just about butt plugs, I think. So did they not learn their lesson a few months ago with that doll that called everyone a whore or whatever it was? Didn't they get into some trouble?

Oh, there was. It accidentally said bitch, right? Well, supposedly accidentally, yeah.

Speech impediment. But I heart butt plugs is not a construction term.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. There's so much weirdness here. Why does someone need this T shirt? Why do they want to proclaim their love of butt plugs? And the real irony. I bet someone who has this shirt doesn't even really love butt plugs.

No, they just love shirts. Here's the thing. When you do love butt plugs, you play it pretty close to the cheek.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, that's between you and your maker. You know, in the ceiling in the bathroom.

Yeah.

Like, that's between you and the fart fan. When you're into the. When you're really into the butt plug and your Supplier. It's funny to kid about. About. If somebody gives you a butt plug as a joke, you can put it on your bookcase. But if you're seriously using a butt

plug, it's in your butt.

[Caller/Guest]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, only if you're going to court or there's a wedding or funeral or something like that.

Well, you have your fancy dress butt plug and then you've got your casual Friday butt plug.

That's right. I said, oh, they're not all designed. They don't come out of the same butt. Magic tree, the Keebler tree. No. If you really do use a butt plug, you must keep the butt plug hidden.

That's what I said.

When it's not being. No, I don't mean in your anus.

You probably have a special treasure trove somewhere under your bed or.

That's me point. Here's me point. Me buckies, me butt plugs. If you do in fact like to, you know, feel the warm caress of a butt plug on. On occasion.

Right.

Leave it out because then it becomes a joke.

Yes.

Hide it.

Right.

And you become a serious user of weirdo. Yes. So I say put it on a stick and put it in the dining room.

So counterintuitive. But you're right.

That's right.

Make a big fat joke of it.

That's right. It'd be like if you had a weird plastic safe that you kept all your cash in and you left it right out in the open. Because they're gonna be searching the Bibles looking for the hollowed out space and all that kind of stuff. But that they wouldn't look at.

Right.

It's too out in the open. So hide your butt plugs in plain sight.

Perhaps in an I heart butt plug T shirt.

That's what my grandpa used to tell me. I think what's going on? I think Sears is probably contracting with a lot of outside vendors.

Yeah.

And they're not really keeping track of what those outside vendors are selling. Clearly somebody's just going, hey, there's a place that has a bunch of cool T shirts called Hot Topic you can buy. They'll send. If they click on their website, they'll send a link over to your website. Blah, blah, blah.

[Brian Bishop]

That and a year ago, Alison did a story on companies that were not going to be around much longer and Sears is on the list. He was having financial problems and they got in bed with the Kardashians and, well, you know what I mean, like business with them. So I think they're trying to hip her Yeah, I think this is the pie product.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, hey, it's working. We're talking about it. But there's also ladies tees that say I heart butt plugs. Well, hey, I guess either sex can enjoy a good butt plug.

Oh, yeah. Oh, they have them in a lady size. Interesting.

The shirts, not the plugs. Although I'm sure they have those. Is a ladies rectum smaller?

I don't know. And now where do you guys come down on the interesting. I think they're all, you know, I think they all start off about the same size and then you can yoke them out if you work them hard enough. The question is this, you know, you get behind these guys and they have a bumper sticker that says, that dude is Yoko. Fuck off and die. You know, and you think to yourself, well, I'm an atheist, I don't give a shit. But I don't know if my kids were in the car and they were reading the bumper sticker that said Fuck off and die. Like, I don't know how happy they'd be about it. And if I was, you know, different sensibilities and. Or maybe I was the widow of someone who actually fucked off and then died. Never think about that.

Right.

What about the countless Americans that. Where you go fuck off and then

they go fuck off.

Yeah. Just moments after being told to fuck off and then they die. And just the general sort of bad vibes you send out into the ozone with the fuck off and die asshole. We have laws and I'm not for the nanny state, but you can't have an illegal tint on your windows of your car in California. Profanity on the bumper sticker doesn't seem like there should be a fix it ticket for that. Like, again, I'm not offended by it, but I don't want my kids saying what does that mean? And kids do do the. What does that mean? And why? And not from a. Not, not because I'm offended, but just that weird sort of bad vibe thing that just. You're telling. I'm telling everyone behind me to die. Like, I mean, I'm not saying fuck off and twist your ankle. I'm not saying fuck off and die.

Is everyone die part more upsetting to you?

It is, but just the general part where you're being an asshole to your fellow citizen. Like there's people who are happy and you've got your asshole stereo cranked up a little too loud, your fucking windows open, and you're keeping the neighborhood awake. You're dick. Now knock it off. And you're allowed to name your dog whatever you want to name your dog and do whatever the fuck you want when you get home. But you're not allowed to kind of bum out society.

Oh, but you are.

I know you're saying you're being wildly effective doing it. And I'm just saying profanity being sort of like, you know, you can't put profanity on a billboard.

See, I'm more upset by the person who yells fuck off or give someone the middle finger or who is just a raging asshole in their car. Like the woman agreed, up your butt. But then the words on the car.

I had that coming. Number one, okay, she's still a witch who deserves to fuck off and die. But I earned that, number one. Number two, half the time that people do earn it doesn't mean they need to do the response. But they cut them off or whatever it is. But that's limited. This is a gill net of depression. This is everyone who's behind me every day, all day for the last 10 years is being told to fuck off and die. I didn't do anything to you other than pull in behind you at the wrong on race. You know what I mean? I got my kids in the car and I'm driving them to school. I mean, you know, it's my nanny. But the point is this, hypothetically, I did nothing to earn the fuck off and die. What's with the fucking weird negativity? Like, you know those ass wipes out there?

That's how I feel reading Twitter so often.

Yeah, the guys with the fucking T shirts that have the pit bulls on it, you know, and it's like bad to the bone. And like, you think it makes you a tough guy cause you're wearing a retarded T shirt.

Right? Someone needs an I heart butt plug shirt.

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree with you 100. But where do you. How's the arbiter of that? Do you have a list of words you can't put on a bumper sticker?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's. I think it's. I mean, I think you do. I mean, they, they do it in television. You know, you can say damn you, but you can't say fuck you.

You know, they have it on your license. I mean, you can't get a vanity plate says fuck off and die.

I mean, I'm not in for the government controlling everybody. This is more of I like. I like you being a decent citizen. I don't like you having a dirt lawn with a couple rusted out cars parked on it, fucking up your neighborhood and the view of the guy lives across the street. I think there is a. I think there's a sort of partnership that we all enter into as a society, which is you're allowed to take your rusted out car and put it up on blocks in the backyard. You're allowed to take your fucked up piece of sofa with the springs pushing out of it and put it on the porch in the backyard. But you can't put it in the front yard because it drives me nuts. You can't put it in the front yard.

What did I do?

You did the clank. That's why I used to argue with Dr. Drew about all the time. All right, that's good. You can't do it in the front yard because people walk their dogs and they have to look at your shitty house, whatever. And it bums them out. And I feel the same way about the Fuck off and die.

Yeah, I agree. Let's not put up bad energy into the universe. Zip it, cunt.

That was the news with Allison Rosen. You earned yourself a butt plug. Allison Rosen is your new best friend, available today on our app and at itunes. And for today's episode, Dana Gould. And you don't do much better than that.

[Brian Bishop]

Been listening to every episode.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Brian.

You can't I listen to person. But I realized it was great.

Thank you so much.

[Brian Bishop]

Not impressed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I said thank you automatically. I didn't think about it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's very good.

[Adam Carolla]

It is good. And how could it not be good? Oh, there's a lot of way.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you're hypothetical.

[Caller/Guest]

Sorry, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Robert Kiyosaki's here. He's got a book. Rich dad, Poor dad, number one personal finance book of all time. Co authored the Midas Touch with Don Trump. Talk about Donald Trump, number one. Exciting. All right, I'm gonna be in Kansas City and Lincoln, Nebraska, St. Louis and St. Paul. Coming up, Irvine.

[Caller/Guest]

Uh.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh,

March 22nd. Thursday, March 22nd.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And Thursday, April 5th.

Wow. Coming up, doing some shows in Irvine. We'll be doing some shows, so come on out and press the flesh. All right, let's take a quick break, and we'll bring Robert in next. All right, Robert Kiyosaki here, author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad. And I was just reading underneath what the rich teach their kids about money that the poor and the middle class do not. And you're so right. I never had a conversation with anyone in my family about money ever. Not how to make it, not how to hold Onto it, not what to do with it when you had it. It's a weird thing and never discussed in school. It's like it's this thing that's bizarre because our entire society is built around this. I mean, let's. Even if it was just bananas, it wasn't money, it was just whoever gets the most bananas has the best dental work, gets to go to the best school, gets to drive the nicest cars, gets to live the longest, gets the best medical. And we never discuss bananas or how to get them or what to do with them or what jobs make the most bananas. It's always like, well, do you want to be a cop? Do you want to be a fireman, or do you want to be a doctor? No one ever goes, doctor pays 10 times as much as cop. Like, it's weird, isn't it?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah, it's very strange. I was kind of fortunate. I grew up in Hawaii and, you know, I couldn't get a date. So I figured my only chance was to get of rid rich. That wasn't my prostitutes.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Richard Schiff]

I didn't want to say that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right.

[Richard Schiff]

But you know what I mean, if you're rich. I had a chance with chicks if I wasn't rich, I was going to be lonely.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you Japanese?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah. Fourth generation.

[Adam Carolla]

And did your dad ever speak to you about money?

[Richard Schiff]

No. I mean, the story of rich dad, poor dad is a true story. My old man, my poor dad was the head of education for the state of Hawaii. He's a PhD which I used to say to him. Poor, helpless and desperate.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a PhD, but he's working for the, you know, he's working for the state. He's not making money. Right.

[Richard Schiff]

And my rich dad was my best friend's father. A guy who had never went to school. And so at the age of nine, he started teaching his son and myself about money. And he just used a game of Monopoly. He's a real simple man, very rich guy. But he says the formula, one of the formulas for great wealth is found a Monopoly. And we all know the formulas. Four green houses, one red hotel. So today that's all I do, you know, I still play Monopoly as an adult. I have a great time and that's about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Shouldn't it be. I find that it's. I don't know, maybe it's taboo. Like maybe somehow in. In our educational system we shouldn't talk about money because this is about education and some people don't have money. And some families do have money, so it's not brought up. And there's classes called economics, but I went through junior high and high school with nary a discussion about money. And like I said, they say, what do you want to be when you grow up? And then they talk about how education applies to that, but they never really discuss which gigs pay more than other gigs. And if you're working for the government, you're only going to get paid so much. Or if you're working for some nonprofit organization, like, it's great to say I want to be a school teacher, but. But you're going to be capped at about 65 grand a year versus whatever.

[Richard Schiff]

It's not only that. If you're. You know, John Lennon wrote that song, Working Class Hero. It says at the end, he's just a fucking peasant. You're just a fucking peasant at the

[Adam Carolla]

end of the day, right?

[Richard Schiff]

And that's really the truth. And not only that, if you go to school and do as they tell you, which is get a high paying job, become a doctor and lawyer, you'll pay the highest taxes. And they don't ever talk about taxes. And, you know, the reason I'm here is that my assistant came running up and she said, I got to read this guy Carolla's book. I said, what is it called? I said, rich Man, Poor Man. So I.

[Adam Carolla]

More of a picture book. But yeah, no, she just sat there

[Richard Schiff]

and I started cracking up. I said, you have this deep, dark insight. I mean, you're a genius. You have this insight.

[Adam Carolla]

We're doing a two hour show tonight.

[Richard Schiff]

You have this insight.

[Adam Carolla]

I just threw up in my mouth.

Let him talk. Stop ruining your petty drops.

[Richard Schiff]

You have.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, Robert, can you.

[Richard Schiff]

You have insights into the psychosis of, you know, both sides of it. Interesting, you know, so I thought I was hysterical.

[Adam Carolla]

I find you finding me interesting. Fascinating.

[Richard Schiff]

But anyway, that's why I'm here, you know, I took my jet. Come over here. So I'm gonna go.

[Adam Carolla]

Took your jet?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah. Said hello.

[Adam Carolla]

Jet ski or real jet?

[Richard Schiff]

A real joke. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Where'd you come in from?

[Richard Schiff]

Phoenix.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Richard Schiff]

Not far.

[Adam Carolla]

Say Hawaii. But like a Hawaiian. I like that.

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah, well, I grew up in Hawaii and then.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, don't you do the Hawaii? You know what I mean?

[Richard Schiff]

No, I don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like that's the best part about a Hawaiian. It's just them saying Hawaii, like that's. That's all they're good for, saying Hawaii, Hawaii. No, not Hawaii. Hawaii, Hawaii, Hawaii, Hawaii. Do you say it that way or are you just with the round eye?

Man, this is disappointing here to. Down here. I'm talking about you.

All right, but I'm just saying the way you say Hawaii, it's the best part about being Hawaiian.

[Richard Schiff]

Is that right?

[Brian Bishop]

Shut up, Howie.

[Richard Schiff]

Good for you. Thanks. I don't know what he's talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Hawaii. You know what I'm talking about? I do. All right, we're gonna. If I got, well, you know, you know, Donald Trump from Tia Carrera. Would, would, would she. She'd give you a lesson on how to say Hawaii. Hawaii. That's all I'm saying. All right, so you're, you're, you're exposed to rich man, poor man. That's. That's my picture. And you realize I'm a genius. I'm sorry, continue.

[Richard Schiff]

I cracked up when, when he said, well, the swimming pool, you know, and he's, he has his girlfriend take a shower outside.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Available on itunes by way the. The way on Amazon.

[Richard Schiff]

Is that right? Yeah. That's a great book. He talks about how he can nail her on the couch before his wife comes back from therapy.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a ghostwriter do. I don't remember. Let's talk about your book. Now. Enough about me. Enough about me and how much you appreciate me. Rich dad, poor dad. So what is you learned from your biological dad? Not. Not much in the way of making money?

[Richard Schiff]

Well, you know, he just said, go to school and get a job. Work for the government. He eventually ran from lieutenant governor of the state, Hawaii. He's a really good guy. But as you know, they don't know much about money in school.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Richard Schiff]

And Today, you know, Mr. Obama is from Hawaii and you wonder why we're in big trouble.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what's your feeling on that? And what's your feeling on taxes, as you were alluding to them earlier? I mean, we've been, it's been all over the news. You know, the rich aren't paying their fair share and we need to hike up the. We need to get people to start paying. And I agree with the corporation part of it. I mean, you know, if you're ge, you should pay taxes, but of course they don't. You're right. But I think everyone thinks rich is just rich. There's super corporation rich, and then there's just rich guy rich.

[Richard Schiff]

Well, there's different taxes for different people.

[Caller/Guest]

People.

[Richard Schiff]

So if, let's say you make a million bucks, if you're an employee, you'll pay 40% in tax. If you're a doctor you'll pay 50% in tax. So the doctors and lawyers pay the highest taxes. So when they say they're going to tax the rich, they're going to tax the doctors and lawyers. I think that's pretty funny, personally.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what would you do? I mean.

[Richard Schiff]

Well, you got to understand tax is actually an incentive program. If you. We live in a capitalist society. It. If we didn't have capitalism, we'd have communism. So what happens is capitalism incentivizes guys like me, so I get huge tax breaks because I have thousands of employees. Now, if it weren't me, you'd have to be Obamacare. And the other thing is I provide housing, so I have thousands of apartment houses. So I get huge tax break for providing housing. Where in a communist country, the communism produces that. If you've been to a communist country, you don't want to live in their house.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Richard Schiff]

The other thing too is our money system is based upon debt. So the more money I borrow, I get tax break for borrowing money.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Richard Schiff]

And as soon as the government says don't borrow money, I'm going gotta be nuts. This is capitalism.

[Adam Carolla]

So if you had, if you were 19 and I gave you a million bucks tomorrow, you know, mainly because you showered me with compliments, besides spending the first 50 grand on whores, what would you do with the remaining 950,000 bucks?

[Richard Schiff]

Real estate, I always recommend in a commercial message, I say you take real estate classes. If you're going to invest, you should take classes like, let's complete, like I invest in oil, you know, a lot of oil. And the reason is, if guys like me didn't risk our money, you know, oil would be $10, you know, gas would be $10 a barrel, a gallon, whatever it is. So everything is done to incentivize people like you and me to do what the government cannot do. But this guy Romney can't even articulate that, you know, he makes, he makes $21 million and they hammer him. Even the Republicans hammer him for being rich.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Richard Schiff]

So there's something really sick in America today. It's really sick when they hammer that

[Adam Carolla]

they're hammering the rich guys. Yeah, well, they, we feel, and this is more and more prevalent, that there's not fair. A class that has something and a class that doesn't have something.

[Richard Schiff]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

And most people assume the class that has something has that because they come from a privileged class.

[Richard Schiff]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Which I disagree with because most of the guys I know who make money and have money busted their ass. And most their dads are Pretty poor, right? But there's this sort of thing and I remember buying into it because I used to be part of that lower class where you'd go, look, it's who you know. And these guys all, you know, it's all skull and bones and it's all connections and daddy's money and silver spoon and all that. And it's easy when you, when you're just down there renting one of your crappy apartments to think, you know what? They're right, I can't get ahead, I can't do it. And you buy into it and it's, it's a nice little, you know, soothing Kool Aid to drink because it makes sense when you're down there to just go, rich people seem confusing and as if they live on a different planet and you can't find a bridge from poor to rich. Or you just think, oh, I guess they were just born that way, right?

[Richard Schiff]

And that's why I wrote Rich Dad, Poor Dad. That's why Donald Trump and I write books together. It's because we've got to have financial education, otherwise we're hosed. Anyway, you know, we're going down. If we don't shape up pretty soon, I mean, our own congressman ripples off, you know, if you run for, you become a senator, I'm there for, let's say, what, four, four years. I have, I have, what do you call it, pensions for life, health care for life and all this. Their kids don't have to pay for their college loans. You know, stuff like this, it is just ripping this country apart.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's a lot of insider training that goes on because they're aware of what's going to happen about, you know, if the new drug is going to be approved or not approved by the fda. They know all the, that stuff in advance. And there's no laws that we have against them creating, working their stock portfolio accordingly, which is insane. But how would you, that's the whole thing when you give somebody a tip and it doesn't matter who it is, when you tell somebody in advance, here's what's going to happen to this stock, they're going to act on it one way or the other. I would, that's what everybody, everybody would. This is why I didn't want Martha, I felt bad for Martha Stewart because somebody went and told her, hey, this stock's gonna take a shit. And she went, all right, dump it. And then she got busted for perjury cuz she was trying to save her ass. But like what would any of us do? If somebody told you the day before a stock that you were heavily invested in was gonna just take a shit, you'd say, dump it.

It's like how if someone in a couple that you know is cheating you, Adam, have said that you just don't wanna know.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing in it for you. And then what happens is, is you don't get busted for cheating. You get busted for lying. When somebody asked you if you knew about the cheating, which is. That's the worst part, because now you have to lie to cover your shit, which you shouldn't have had to do in the first place. So what? Give us three top things that, like, poor folk don't know about money that someone like my dad should have told me about. And again, it's pervasive. There's. There's nobody I grew up with who grew up poor and who's currently poor, whose dad ever really or mom had any kind of. There was never a discussion. It was like, bust your ass. Work sucks. Try to put something aside in case you get fucked up and you can't work for a couple of weeks. And that was about it. It was always just this kind of doomsday, worst case scenario. Put a little something aside in case.

Did they ever even say things like, try not to get into debt? Was there ever a discussion of anything like that?

No, we didn't discuss. My dad didn't have credit cards, he didn't have debt, he didn't buy anything on time. Like there wasn't any future or.

[Caller/Guest]

Take this.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, there just. It was a complete vacuum of any kind of financial anything. I mean, I've always resented it because it's like, at the time I'm renting a house, which. With four other dudes, you know, and we're all working construction and we're all paying, you know, paying two grand a month on rent. And I'm sure The mortgage is 1200 bucks a month, you know, and it's, you know, it's in the Valley and it's 1986, and if one of us or all of us could have cobbled together a couple of grand for a down payment on a, you know, $110,000 house. Yeah, it was the salad days. That was good, was the music.

[Sponsor Voice]

No, I.

[Adam Carolla]

There was. There was a time when I was about 24, 25, where I thought if I could get just a few grand together, I could buy the house, all my buddies could rent the room for me, and then you could soak your Friends pay the mortgage. And I could do all the sweat equity because I work in construction. We're demoing out houses, we're pulling out sinks and stuff like that. I think could put it in here and we could work on it and blah, blah, blah. But no one ever came up to me and went, you know, my dad never said, hey, there's three or four of you guys living in a rented house in LA Crescenta paying two grand. You're 28 years old. Does anyone want to think about coming up with 12 grand? You could buy a house and your mortgage would probably be less than what you're paying in rent. Like, it was just never discussed. It was never discussed. And then it gets passed on, which is great. I'll not have a house to leave my kid. I'll not have any property or any belong to leave my kid. Yeah, yeah, it's sad.

[Richard Schiff]

It is sad. Again, that's why Donald and I write our books and all this stuff, because we have to educate people. Our schools are not going to do it. You know, most of them are socialists.

[Adam Carolla]

Why don't the schools focus on this a little more?

[Richard Schiff]

I don't know. I have no idea. I have absolutely no idea.

[Adam Carolla]

It's sort of a weird topic to avoid. I mean, I took home ec. I took cooking, I took sewing, I took about nine ceramic classes from junior high to high school. I took agriculture, I took horticulture. Fucking North Hollywood. Taking agriculture and horticulture and homeack and making Pillsbury Parmesan popovers.

All cheap, but no math or reading.

Yeah, no little bit of math, just math. There was never anything about, you know, the monopoly. There was never anything about, here's how you make money or here's how you hang on to it or debt or

[Richard Schiff]

taxes or no, you know, the people that pay the highest taxes are the people that work the hardest. It's really tragic.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you mean? Give me an example.

[Richard Schiff]

Well, like I said, if you're an employee and you make a million dollars, let's say you'll pay 40%. If you're a doctor, you'll pay 50%. But if I have people working for me, I only pay 20%. So in other words, if I have employees, I pay a lower tax rate.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Richard Schiff]

And if I have real estate, I'm providing housing or oil, I can pay 0%. And these are the kinds of things that I teach people. So, you know, if you knew this, you'd make different decisions. This idea of go to school and work hard, get a job, you know, the worst From a tax angle is the worst thing you can do.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't even pay. I didn't even know you. I didn't pay taxes for half my construction career. I mean, I got a lot of goose eggs. I got zeros on there as a 20 something year old. I owed, I owed the IRS, I don't know, like, I don't know, five grand or something like that. At some point in my, in my career, I would just take whole years off of paying taxes. I didn't have any money and I was like working under the table. And the irs, they got a little scam going over there too, which is I did my minimum pay, my monthly minimum payment of like $29.

[Richard Schiff]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It was all, it was all just

[Brian Bishop]

interest and penalties.

[Adam Carolla]

Interest and penalties, Yes. I was just trying to think of interest and penalties. Like when I was done at the end of like three or four years of paying my 29 bucks a month, I owed him five grand. The exact same principle like they're. The government does the same thing they complain about. Yeah. They do the exact same things the credit card company does. They go, well, what can you afford? And they all right, just pay us 29 bucks for the next thousand years. And that's what I did.

How does it work when you actually sit down to write a book with Donald Trump? Do the vowels.

[Richard Schiff]

Well, this is the second book. And the Midas Touch we wrote, we got together because, as you know, unemployment's so high and everybody wants to start their own. Not everybody, but people want to start their own business. But, you know, the attrition rate is 9 out of 10 fail in the first five years. And that one guy that survives, he fails in the second five years. So we wrote a book called the Midas Touch. And it's about the five fingers. You know, like the thumb stands for strength of character. The index finger is focused. The middle finger is what you stand for.

[Adam Carolla]

Sting finger.

[Richard Schiff]

The ring finger stands for relationships. You know, we say you can't do a good deal with bad partners.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Richard Schiff]

And then the little finger is the little thing you do that nobody else does. For example, you know, Federal Express was overnight, and then Domino's was 30 minutes. Pizza.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Richard Schiff]

So these are the things that true entrepreneurs do that survive. So we really want to encourage people to be more entrepreneurs because we need more entrepreneurs and fewer, you know, bureaucrats like Obama or Bush. I don't really care.

[Adam Carolla]

Who would you like to be the president? I mean, financially.

[Richard Schiff]

How about none on the above?

[Adam Carolla]

You just want a guy who sort of Gets out of the way.

[Richard Schiff]

I don't think it's possible. You know, I think the big problem. I'm kind of a Ron Paul fan, you know, because he's an oddball, right? But he says this accurately. In 1913, the Federal Reserve bank was created. 1913, the IRS was created.

[Adam Carolla]

Magic, right? Should we take a couple of phone calls? I think people have some questions. Mainly for me. But that's good. I'm a genius, remember?

[Richard Schiff]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Tim.

[Caller/Guest]

Tim. Oh, hi.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, Tim.

[Caller/Guest]

My parents are Christians, right? I was raised Christian. I went to church twice a week for my entire life until I was approximately 17 or something. And I listened to Penn Jillette's radio show, and he kind of convinced me to be an atheist. And I've been hiding this from my parents for five or six years. And I'm wondering if I should keep hiding it, like, keep lying to them, or if I should just tell them.

[Adam Carolla]

Penn Sunday School, by the way, available now through the ACE Broadcasting page on our site or go to itunes. Thank you for that. Listen, first off, I feel like I've never told my parents anything in the last 30 years. Like, I haven't told them one way or the other anything.

But your podcast speaks volumes.

Well, they don't listen to the podcast, so. Well, you don't have to tell them anything. I mean, that's the whole thing they don't have. Gay or straight. It doesn't. Doesn't. I feel like there's this weird need to come out to parents all the time.

Yeah. And it makes you wonder how much is it a rebellion? If it's really not, then I would agree that what do you gain by telling them except making them sad?

Robert, in the Japanese culture, I don't feel like there's as much coming out out to parents get left alone.

[Richard Schiff]

As a parent, it's pretty much dysfunctional.

[Adam Carolla]

But they don't do it. Like, hey, dad. Yeah, I waited for Thanksgiving. Do you guys do Thanksgiving?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Hey, Dad, I waited for Thanksgiving to tell you I'm gay. Like, why? Why do you have to tell me that? Like, at some point you can tell me, but what's the urgency? Like, if you're 19, you know what I mean? Like, no one's gonna ask later on if I'm saying, like, hey, where are my grandkids? And, you know, I'm tired of living this lie. But what's all the discussions about whatever

you're doing, then in hearing you say it, I'm thinking, well, but to someone who is coming out it is a big deal and they want to be able to tell their loved ones who they are as a person. And, and so I'm wondering for Tim, is that what the atheism is?

How much I don't feel like I don't know how much of that defines you, you know, whether you're an atheist or gay.

[Caller/Guest]

It's a huge definition. I go to atheist conventions and all that kind of really stuff. And you know, my mom said, oh, did you pray tonight or did you pray for your grandma? And I always feel really uncomfortable.

[Richard Schiff]

Oh, really?

[Caller/Guest]

No, I didn't pray for my grandma.

[Adam Carolla]

That kind of what goes on at the atheist convention?

[Richard Schiff]

That's my question.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Welcome God haters.

[Caller/Guest]

We basically get together at some of them pens there, but we basically get together and then talk about how we don't believe in anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Richard Schiff]

Oh, so why do you get together?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's my whole point. Can't do that at home.

[Caller/Guest]

I mean, yeah, hypothetically we could, but sometimes we just like to complain to each other about Christians, you know, face to face.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you pass a basket and everyone shits in it. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, well, I mean, that's the whole point. I'm an atheist. It's mainly my family. They're atheists because they're lazy, you know, they just don't want to, they don't want to burn the calories, you know, it's not working. Now look at you. You fall in the same trap the Christians fall into. You go to a place, he's as

devout as his parents are. That's right, but just about in a different way.

You're praying to a big pony tailed, bearded, 370 pound, 6 foot 8, magic, pure spontaneous, right on this show. Magic man with a pink fingernail who in smart frames, that's your deity, buddy. All right, okay, so listen here. Here's the whole thing I found from doing many years of Loveline. The people that were very anxious to drop a bomb on their parents, it turned out magically like every, every chick I'd ever met who said, I'm white and I'm dating a black guy and I want to tell my dad. And I'd go, what's up with your dad? Well, he's a racist and an asshole. Oh, okay, I get it. So it's. You don't want to tell your dad, it's payback time. Yeah, I get it. So there's usually an element of. Because it was never, I love him dearly.

It's in your face, old man.

Yeah, He's a very fair minded man who's colorblind and. No, no, it's fuck you, you fuck you and your racist ass. Now meet Lucas. Let me finish, Felicia. I'm just. I'm just saying that's the way it works.

So if, by the way, is Natalia in many years.

Yes. If you want to tell your parents about your sexual proclivities or your dating out of the race or whatever it is, because you just feel like, hey, I want to be upfront with my parents, that's fine. But if you feel like there's some history and a little axe to grind, think about. Just think. Just pause for a moment because you may not have the right motivation and then it'll freak you out, but think about why you're dating a brother in the first place. Just magically attracted to black folk. Or is it that your dad was magically not attracted to black folk and thus you got the attraction? See, you know, black folk complain a lot about racists, but black dudes like to nail the white chicks on occasion. And they should be glad that their dads were racist. That drew them to them.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Powerful, right? Generational wingmen.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Racist wingmen. Generational racist wingmen.

G RWS.

That's right. They're out there. So when the racism goes away, then they just stick with their own. They're no longer defying racist daddy.

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Then they're just falling in love for love.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm. Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

See, the genius continues.

[Richard Schiff]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Into the podcast. You probably didn't think you'd see it

in real time, right?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah. And this guy's an atheist. He's not a black guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Although he could be. Although not named Tim.

[Richard Schiff]

Tim.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Tim Harley. Tim Duncan. Think of Bashwood.

[Caller/Guest]

I hate gay people.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Oh, Anthony, that was hardaway. Yeah, I hate gay people. Oh, that was hardaway.

[Brian Bishop]

That was Tim Hardaway.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he doesn't like the gay people.

[Caller/Guest]

I hate gay people.

[Adam Carolla]

I forgot about Tim. Forgot about that.

[Brian Bishop]

Utap2Step.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I forgot about that. All right, I think we have some email questions. Oh, we have some news. We got one more on thing. Let's do this. This. Hey, Bert. Oh, Bert's gone. Is Burt gone? I'm gonna go with Burke being gone. Go ahead and pull him off there if he's gone. Should we do a little more news? I don't know why we want to do an email question. We have an email question for Robert. Is that we're asking because he's on being an atheist. Doesn't feel like a question. No, they're just questions for you. Oh, well, fuck them.

[Caller/Guest]

Let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do news. And now the rest of the news with Allison Rosenberg.

We have the Jeopardy Clip.

Ah, that's right. Last week I. People were tweeting me that I was a Jeopardy. Question or.

[Allison Rosen]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Or.

[Caller/Guest]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Answer. Thank you.

A Jeopardy. Answer. Which felt cool initially, but it was bittersweet and I'll tell you why. Well, shall we just listen? Yes, let's just listen to Ben. Back to you Films for 2000. The Hammer is a knockout film with this ex loveline and man show host. His name is Adam Corolla. One category left monsters for 400. That was 2000.

And they're laughing like, how would we know that?

We know that. I feel like that bell came in a little faster than it normally does. Yeah, let's listen to that again. I feel. I feel like when they're asking about old Greece or capitals in Europe, they give them an extra beat and a half. Let's see here. Ben, back to you Films for 2000. The Hammer is a knockout film with this ex loveline and man show host. His name is Adam. It was ra.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, felt like a long time. That time felt much faster. Screw those nerds. What do they know, man? What do they know about Good, good, good film?

[Brian Bishop]

The category, by the way. Sweet lil films.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet little films.

Does that mean independent films?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, little movies. Independent movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy went down to the bottom on that one. Well, you weren't supposed to get that one from the Hammer and those guys got caught up in the hammer. They should have got it from the X man show Host and Loveline.

[Brian Bishop]

Dr. Drew made a Hammer movie.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder what. Well, maybe someone taped it. We'll find out what the other. We'll find out if we knew the other films. But I'm guessing the other films that Brian will know, but the other films on there, you would know from the clue of the person, not from the film.

[Brian Bishop]

I imagine they're all similar to the question that was asked about.

[Adam Carolla]

You could not expect anyone to see the Hammer. I mean, it was just too small a film for that.

[Brian Bishop]

Almost two thousand dollar question.

[Adam Carolla]

Hard floorboard.

[Richard Schiff]

That's pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

At least I was up there. Maybe I'll sell another copy, Give Weinstein another buck. All right. Sorry.

A new book has come out saying that John Lennon was bulimic. Evidently.

Well, he had. He was. He was chubby and as a youth. And then he looked at himself as sort of chubby and then he was kind of weird with it, right?

Yeah. He had poignant struggles with eating disorders. Apparently he was always hungry, loved to eat, but hated the feeling of being full. So he would often force himself to vomit after eating. Lennon was confused about his. His obsession with food, says the book's author, pop culture historian Deborah Sharon Davis. Lennon was surrounded by talented musicians, but many had drinking and drug problems, so it was hard for them to see Lennon's purging behavior as extraordinary. Well, listen, also, at the time, people were unaware of bulimia as an addiction and health risk.

And also, they just thought it was innovative. Oh, but who cares? Didn't seem to slow him down much. And ultimately, wouldn't you do all this stuff if somehow you knew you were going to get. Get shot when you're 40? You know, I mean, I'd love that digest, but I mean, anything that was bad for you, meaning, like, we'd all be smoking and drinking, you know, without a condom, you know, that kind of stuff. Driving without a seat belt, you know, all the fun stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

If you somehow knew you were going to be shot by an assassin at

[Adam Carolla]

40 outside your hotel. The craziest thing about. Was it Chapman?

[Caller/Guest]

Mark David?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

Yeah. The craziest thing about that guy is that guy was in your beloved Hawaii, and he lived in Hawaii, and he was gonna see. I say it like you should say, Hawaii there finally. And he. He was killing himself. And he goes down to the beach and he. And he fires up his car at sunrise, and he says, I'm going to kill myself with carbon monoxide poisoning. And he parks his car down on the beach just to watch the sunrise one last time. Takes a, you know, hose, puts it in the exhaust pipe of the car. He can't do it anymore with all these clean, burning cars, but catalytic converters and whatnot. Pipes it into the car and just starts to die. I think he was unconscious. And the carbon dioxide will kill you, and it doesn't take that long. Some guy, possibly a family member, who's doing surf fishing, who also comes out at sunup to do the surf fishing, sees him up there, goes up there and pulls him out of the car. Now, he then goes into a psychiatric hospital, gets back up on his feet, somehow gets a job at the psychiatric hospital and then ends up moving to, you know, New York and killing John Lennon. I want to. To talk to the guy who was doing the surf fishing, like, thanks, Good Samaritan. Appreciate it, buddy. Now, how about you crank out a few good songs, huh? You owe us.

Yeah.

[Richard Schiff]

How do you get these bits of wisdom here.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I watch a lot of television and I. I don't. I don't know. You know, it was probably just a couple of years, a few years before I. He ended up falling in love and getting. And getting married. He was obsessed with Catcher in the Rye, but he married one of the women, I think, who worked at the psychiatric hospital. And I think he ended up working there himself or whatever it was. But how weird is it knowing that the dude who was killing you or who would go on to assassinate you in five years or three and a half years or whatever it was, was killing himself and somebody yanked the hose out of the guy's window? That's just cosmically weird, right? I mean, at some point, if we took mushrooms, this would be awesome. At some point, John Lennon was sitting in Manhattan barfing, barfing up breakfast, pulling up a couple of grand slams. He just pounded. And at that exact moment, somebody was saving the dude that would kill him five years later. Somebody figure out those dates for me. It is insane. It's insane. All right.

So is the lesson that if you see someone trying to kill themselves, you should just let them because they might come back to kill a musical idol?

I have a secret don't ask, don't tell policy when it comes to people killing themselves. Like, you want to kill yourself, that's between you and your God. Or if you're. If you're Pendulum, that's between you and your Mini Cooper. But either way, I'm leaving you alone.

What if someone told you they were going to like. Did that ever happen on Loveline? That must have, right? Oh, yeah.

One once in a while, people. Well, Anderson, our engineer Anderson would say he's gonna kill himself. I didn't take a phone call because I talked for 40 minutes between phone calls.

Did you have to do seven hour.

Hold on, Anderson after 51pm Yeah, I drew and we legally and. And from some fiduciary whatever. Would have to do something. If somebody said, I'm going to kill myself, we'd have to alert the authorities or whatever it is. Otherwise, Drew is a doctor and us, as a show, you're liable for it. So we would do it. Not because we care, not because we care.

So you saved many lives. Potentially. Way to go.

Never thought about it.

So anyway, a little more about John Lennon privately. According to the book, John Lennon harbored food fetishes. For instance, he loved eating huge bowls of Rice Krispies with large scoops of ice cream on top. He enjoyed putting ice Cream on everything when he could. There were also numerous bowls of snacks throughout his grand estate, Tittenhurst Park.

[Allison Rosen]

Mmm.

[Adam Carolla]

Near Ascot.

Nice.

When he lived in England.

Yeah, well, listen, isn't everybody or most people sort of that way? I mean, it's that fight. It's that constant fight.

The thing with the ice cream and the rice cream Krispies is which, like, are you bringing the ice cream down with the Rice Krispies? Are you elevating the Rice Krispies with the ice cream? I don't like that.

I just know. I know it's. See, for me, it's sort of. I'll give you a perfect example of why it's like impossible to diet. Last week I was doing Ellen. And whenever I have a TV show coming up, tonight show or whatever, always a couple, like a week beforehand, I start thinking, I don't need those cookies. You know, when you know you're gonna be on tv, you just go, fuck it. I'm not gonna have that second helping of whatever. So you just do this stuff. So Mike lynch is gonna come over to the house and we're gonna. We're gonna. We're gonna finish the book. So he's gonna come over, we're gonna work on the book. And I say, well, what do you got to do? He says, I gotta pick up some Thai food for my mom. And I'm gonna go drop it off over at the house and at the apartment. And then I'm gonna come up and we'll finish the book. And for a moment I think, ooh, Thai food. And then I think, oh, no, you're on a diet. You're on a diet. So I go, fine, pick up the Thai food, go to mom's and then come on by. And then I go home and I start making myself a sort of locale sandwich. And I literally got. I have this thin sliced bread and it's in the toaster and I'm getting the stuff out, sort of going the locale route. And Mike calls and he goes, I called notable. I'm at Henry's Tacos. What do you need?

[Brian Bishop]

What do you need?

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, oh, you're at Henry's. And he's like, yeah. And I'm putting the fucking bread back into the bag. As he's saying, soft tacos, soft burrito, Henry's tacos. Love me some Henry's tacos. And that's it. Off, deal off immediately.

So you mean it's hard to diet because you have no willpower.

Someone's got to call you and go, I'm at Henry. Henry's Tacos. Not. I'm entertaining the notion of one day going by Henry. I'm at Henry's Tacos. I'm coming to your house in 20 minutes and you're fucking hungry and you're making something. It's on. It's on.

He's trying to make you fat, Adam. I don't know why, but he probably is.

That's right. He doesn't want my band to succeed.

That's right. Lady Gaga.

What happened with Chapman? What year? What year? I really. There's got to be 2,000 articles about that.

The day before my birthday.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

The day after my sister's birthday.

Oh, she's May 9th.

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

So that was. That was. That was May 77. And then he was shot in 80 and I don't know what month in 80.

[Brian Bishop]

December 8th, 1980.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Well, there you go.

[Brian Bishop]

January.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so what? Three and a half.

It's Jim Morrison's birthday.

Three and a half years later.

[Richard Schiff]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that three and a half years later?

Uh huh.

Crazy, right?

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you for that. Dicks. Where were we? I feel like I was asking for a while.

They were planning your meals. Lady Gaga has broken another Twitter record. She now has 20 million Twitter followers.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

And she's been. She's been in the lead for a while. She set the record for 10 million and 15 million in 2011. And her latest million was amassed in just 23 days.

[Allison Rosen]

Mmm.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. What is she saying that's so interesting?

Well, most recently, she said, and I think you will appreciate this. Did anyone see Springsteen on Fallon last night? Three exclamation points. Not really. It should be a question mark.

Yeah.

Buy his new album. It is so genius. It's hard to even believe. Just mind blowing. Oh, my God.

[Caller/Guest]

It's exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we did. We did. Watch that. 2, 3, 4. Yeah. You know what? There's a lot of hard work. And chicks you rip off. Madonna have 20 million Twitter followers out there. 2, 3, 4. This one's going out to you and the big man. And the big man.

[Brian Bishop]

Mostly you.

[Adam Carolla]

And the skinny blanche with the hot body but not so hot face. 2, 3, 4.

How is the new album? Have you heard it?

Yeah. You know, it's Bruce Springsteen. Sounds like Bruce on Bruce.

How does Lynette feel about it?

She loves Bruce and we watched him on Fallon and it was fun, but it's big horns and everybody. It's like when you get the big horn section. Hard to go wrong. Yeah, he's just up there, you know, just going at it.

So here are some other celebs nipping at her heels. Justin Bieber has 18 million.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't say nipping.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, please. Yeah, racially.

Sorry. Nibbling. That's Ron Paul. Katy Perry has 15.7 million. Shakira has 15.5 million. Shakira. What does Shakira say?

I don't know. That's all I know. I collectively, I don't know.

Her hips have 25 million.

I don't feel like there's anybody as. No, I don't want to hear anything that any of these people have to say. Do you do they're gonna feel like.

No.

[Caller/Guest]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

15.4.

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Musicians have these many. Because it's like, what do they have to say? That's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not about what you have to say. It's just how well known you are. Honestly, I think that's like, think of just the most random. Not most random, but think of some not super famous, but, you know, be your C level celebrity and find them on Twitter and they'll have a zillion followers.

Well, a couple of things. First off, it's hard to tell because there's people you think are going to have a ton who don't have that many and then people you're surprised by whose names you don't even know who have, you know, 2 million followers. But I think there's an age thing too. Like. Yeah, who. Who has the most followers over, let's say 40?

You do.

You know what I mean? No, but somebody. That's an interesting one.

Yeah, I know.

That would be the aforementioned Penn Gillette has a bunch of followers.

Yeah.

Although we found out most of the guys are following him are just right wing Christians who hate him. That doesn't really count.

Oh, really?

Well, it'd be like if most of the guys were following you, were trying to kill you.

Right.

Wouldn't count as fans.

You know, they're tracking him. It's more like tracking than.

Yeah, this is more like Hound Dogs and Tommy Lee Jones.

How'd you find this out?

He told me

Kim Kardashian is the sixth most followed user, trailed by Britney Spears, Barack Obama, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez.

Selena Gomez. I know, it's easy just to go, these people are ahead. So they are just. There's nothing, I mean, Barack aside, there's nothing going. Anything that Selena Gomez says that's interesting. I think it's just about literally them going, I'm at the airport, I'm getting onto the plane. I'll Check in with you guys.

This is my puppy.

Some kind of weird electronic friendship that we're having. I don't get it.

All right, Are you on Twitter? You are on Twitter.

[Richard Schiff]

I do Twitter. I just don't know who follows me and I don't know why. You know, I don't have the time to Twitter. I mean, to follow somebody else.

[Adam Carolla]

I just.

Not even a genius, Adam Crowley.

I just retweet stuff that people tweet me that I already said. Yeah. And by the way, I'm not kidding, that's gonna be my next book, which is the world's laziest book. Just retweeting all the. All the quotes. Just put all the quotes in one book.

[Richard Schiff]

The hell?

[Adam Carolla]

Why bother sitting around and thinking that's a calorie burner?

Your own quotes. You're just gonna compile your own quotes. Like the best of. Yeah, the quotable Adam.

Yeah, I'm like Carola reader. I'm like modern day Will Rogers. You know what I mean?

Maybe that'll be Lampanelli esque. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you, Bartlets.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a little known provision in the LA Teachers Union contract that allows information about alleged but unproven teacher misconduct to be removed after four years. Superintendent John Deasy wants this eliminated. He said the clause has hampered effects efforts to identify potential problem teachers. His announcement comes after the Times revealed this little known contract provision. So a lot of people were not aware of it.

So this is like points on your driving record, but I think on your driving records, like seven years, but stuff sloughs off. Yeah, you can get a dui.

You know, it came in the wake of the Miramonti Elementary School situation where, you know, that guy was brought up on 23 charges and people wondered, how did this happen? And they looked in his record and it's like, well, you know, parents are coming in and saying that we've been complaining about him for years. Why is none of this in the record? Because they couldn't find records of it. They just had people saying that they had, you know, filed complaints and were worried about him. So basically, if someone files a complaint against a teacher and it's unproven, in four years, it goes away. Which seems pretty messed up if you're trying to protect kids from creeps.

Yeah, it's such a weird topic though, because there's this thing. We were just talking about finances and taxes and all that kind of stuff. I owed the IRS a bunch of money. Well, for me, a king's ransom, $4,400 or something. I couldn't pay it. I get my payment plan going and I get the biggest break of my life. About a year later, I get to write a script for Animaniacs, and they're gonna pay me like $1,500. It was like, oh, my God, I'm getting cash as I'm an artist finally, for finally being recognized as an artist. And I write my script and I turn it in and they're supposed to cut me a check, but they don't cut me a check. And that would have been the biggest check I'd ever seen in my life. And, like, I contact the chick over,

[Brian Bishop]

is there some problem? Can you not fit all the zeros on that check?

[Adam Carolla]

Warner Brothers.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's like, yeah, listen. Says here there's an IRS lien and we can't cut that check. And I said, oh, no, that's a mistake. I worked out my program with them. I've been paying it so you can give me that check. And then she, like, made a call and sent a letter and whatever, and I. And they worked it out and I got my check. And then later on, it became semi successful in radio and I paid the IRS off in full. And that was that. And then a few years later, I went to go buy a house and they're like, yeah, we got your credit report here, says you had a lien put on you from the irs. And I was like, what? No, you had a, you know, check that had a lien put against it. I was like, oh, no, that was a mistake. That was just. They screwed up. That's not what this says. And it was like, screwed up my credit for years to come, every time something would come up, be like, what's this IRS lien here? It's like, that was a fuck up. By the way, people who fuck up never un. Fuck their fuck up. They just fuck up and walk away, right?

It's not their problem.

They do a lot of, like. They'll break a glass and you'll go, who's gonna clean that up? And they go, it's a kind of a thing.

It's like, oh, oops.

Yeah, my sister, her kids used to throw rocks into my pool and laugh. They're in their 20s, just severely retarded. No, when they were little kids, they'd throw rocks into the pool and they'd laugh, you know, and it was like, it's funny. It's fun when you're five to throw rocks in a pool. But I'd go, hey, don't throw the rocks in the pool. My sister would say, hey, don't throw the rocks in the pool. And eventually they would stop, but no one ever got the rocks out of the pool. It would stop the rocks from going into the pool, but still meant whatever was in the pool was in the pool. There's kind of that element of, yeah, we will correct our problem, but we're not going to step back and fix whatever it takes. Do whatever it takes to fix this. So that was my permanent record.

Right. Well, too bad your problem was about money, not kid diddling, or else you'd be fine.

Yeah, would have been great. I could have got a break. So now it's weird because you want it to be part of their permanent record. On the other hand, you don't want.

[Richard Schiff]

You don't want to be your record.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? There's weirdo parents who could come in and make a whatever and stuff that would stick with someone forever over nothing.

And that's, like, the worst allegation.

Yeah.

It's not true.

And in this environment, and so it's so hard to figure out. I mean. I mean, seriously, like, some kid, some. Some girl could come up, she could have spilt Kool Aid on her. On her skirt and be crying and that, and the guy wash it off. And then she could go home and say, Mr. So and so was rubbing my skirt. And then they could go file something, and it could just be there forever now. You know what I mean?

No. Yeah, I do.

There's only one way around this problem.

Which is?

Tumescent monitor.

[Richard Schiff]

What?

[Allison Rosen]

Mm.

[Richard Schiff]

What is that?

[Adam Carolla]

We hook you up to tumescent monitor. We hook your junk. We track the blood flow in your junk. See what I'm saying? And then we show you kiddie pork. And then we see anything happens.

This would be a hard sell.

Oh, if it's hard. No sale. There's no sale, sweetheart.

Okay.

That's what. That's what. That's what the tumescence monitor is here to find out. And by the way, you don't want to put it on. Maybe we got a pedophile on our hands. See what I'm saying?

[Richard Schiff]

So a tumescent monitor is really for pedophiles?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's fun for parties, too, but it also works for pedophiles. They have tumescent monitors. That's all I'm saying.

[Richard Schiff]

I'm learning so much.

[Adam Carolla]

They actually have these?

Yeah.

And what do they use them for?

[Brian Bishop]

Worst part time job ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Mopping the floors. The tumescent monitor shop being.

The tumescent monitor comes with a windbreaker

like a rain sticker.

Find out what you do with the tumescence monitor. It's. It's an interesting. It's an interesting. I think it's more of a. It's more of a something. It was probably for erectile difficulties, but it's also like a learning tool.

A nocturnal penile tumescence monitor for erectile dysfunction test.

Well, there you go. If you're gonna go to Amazon, and we know a lot of you folks are gonna pick up your tumescence monitor over at Amazon, you do what? You go to AdamCarolla.com and you click on the banner. See, that's just good business. Daddy never told me about that. Robert.

[Richard Schiff]

Holy shit.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a $4,000 item.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, and you can get a five pack.

You're cocks worth it. We can get what?

See, they sell them in 10 pack kits, 20 pack kits, or 5 pack kits.

I go used. I like. There's one review, but five stars. One very satisfied customer.

He didn't even type it out with his hand.

This is better than all the tumescent monitors I've used and better than grandpa's old tumescent monitor.

Oh, my goodness. I've seen too much.

All right, now you've actually seen too little. It's pretty. It's pretty easy. It's pretty easy. We hook, you know, when I. I like.

What's so funny here?

[Brian Bishop]

Suggested item on the bottle.

[Adam Carolla]

Other items you may enjoy if you want a tumescence monitor. It's a autographed helmet of Cam Newton and a baseball mitt.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, you get off your whale, I'll get off mine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a guy's. Guys, we don't actually have to do it. We just have to threaten to hook you up to. Like, when Jimmy and I went to prison, they do it.

I feel like you need to explain that a little bit.

Coming movie. Jimmy and I, for the man show, went to, like, a Maxim security place just to spend a day, just to get checked in and go through the whole thing and just go to prison and eat with them and hang out with them and get the strip search and do the whole thing. And. And Jimmy just said before you go in a lot of patting down and checking you to make sure if you have drugs on you or something. And Jimmy just sort of said, you know, that I have at the front of the prison or, you know, when you're going in, when you're filing in to be processed. Before you go in and visit or do whatever, just put a big Styrofoam, you know, doorway up that says drug sensor or something. It wouldn't have to be hooked. You know, run an extension cord that's not plugged into anything just off around the corner. And everyone who stopped when they got to him, just pull them out and check them. You know what I mean? Because if you don't have. You wouldn't need much.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like at the airport, by customs, right before there's, like, amnesty garbage. If you have anything on you want

[Adam Carolla]

to throw away, throw it away.

[Brian Bishop]

Here. The guy who stops and, like, strokes his chin is like, should I or shouldn't I? That's how you want to stop.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm just saying, the tumescent monitor. Messing monitor.

[Allison Rosen]

You.

[Caller/Guest]

You.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you just say the guy. Look, we're gonna hook you up. The tumescent monitor. We're gonna show you a little young gay erotica here, and we'll see how it works. And if he's like, I ain't putting that thing, then, all right, can't be a teacher.

What if he shows an interest in titles and wants to know if it's something he's seen before?

Ah. Ah, that's another good one. Yeah, I like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Number two or number three?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm just. I'm just saying that otherwise it's impossible to tell. Who knows what lurks in the hearts of these guys? You know what I mean? You don't know if the guy's just creepy, has a creepy mustache. There's too many creepy guys out there who aren't actually criminals that are just being creepy.

[Richard Schiff]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

You guys should knock it off, your weird lures, you know? You're confusing us.

They're throwing it off for everyone.

Yeah, you're like. You're like balsam wood ducks in the creepy pond. You're confusing. You're confusing the hunters.

They're decoys.

They're decoys. Yeah. We don't know if you're creepy or not. There's too many guys that wear their shirts a certain way, wear certain too much jewelry, have their, you know, have a little too much manscaping going on and stuff like that.

Now, are they pedophiles who just haven't come into their own yet, or do they just like the look?

They're just creepy dudes that are confusing us. We can't get a handle on the actual creeps. All right, tumescent monitor. How much was that thing I may buy one.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a $4,000 item. Then again, you pay yourself through Amazon. Pretty much.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right.

[Richard Schiff]

Click through.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

Smart. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Tzipit Cunt.

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Go to Meeting. Oh, yes. This is my favorite sponsor. I recommend Go to Meeting with HD Faces. Why? None of your beeswax. They're done. I know they didn't have that in the copy, but I like to improvise.

[Brian Bishop]

Have fun with it. Make it your own.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Brought to you by Citrix. Now you can use the built in camera that's in your iPad. You can have meetings. Robert, you have a. You're important man. You know I am.

[Richard Schiff]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have time to gas up the jet and go everywhere, do you?

[Richard Schiff]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

You're based in Phoenix, right? But you flew out here for this, right?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah. I really loved. I loved your book. It was fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

It's really weird that I came out with two books. One book everyone seems to love, the other book. No. Seems to give a crap about, and you pick the one that no one gives a crap about to love.

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah, well, it's rich dad, Poor dad, and a rich man Poor.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. It's a marriage made in heaven. Go to Meeting. See, you could meet with all your peeps without gassing up the Learjet you use. Gotomeeting. Use HD Faces. Gets all the people in there again. You don't have to go to the airport.

[Caller/Guest]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you don't have to go to the airport. You go to the private airport. Try GoToMeeting. Free. Free for 30 days. This is a good company. You should put some money into this company, Robert. GoToMeeting. Free for 30 days. Only if you use the promo code M. That's the pinky. That's the pinky of the hand. Right, Robert?

[Richard Schiff]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Or is that the middle finger?

[Richard Schiff]

Well, either one.

[Adam Carolla]

Either one. You're doing something that other people don't do. You're giving them the pinky. Start with the pinky, work your way to the middle finger. Only if you use the promo code Adam. Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the Try it free button. Button, and enter the promo code Adam. All righty then. Robert. Jimmy always says, I only like people that like me. And maybe it's. Maybe it's true, But I've decided you're one of my dearest friends now.

[Richard Schiff]

I'm glad you hear that.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the fact that you like My work and have a jet. You've met my two criterias for great friendship.

[Richard Schiff]

Thanks. Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

I only want to be friends with people at Private Transportation now. You know I love you. Tired of that goddamn Southwest. Yeah, this is nice. Maybe I'll just fly back to Phoenix with you. When are you heading? Where'd you land in Van Nuys?

[Richard Schiff]

Burbank.

[Adam Carolla]

Burbank?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah. Or Millionaire, whatever that place is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's probably right off of Burbank. Yeah. Say hi to Leno for me. Robert Kiyosaki, Name of the book Rich Dad, Poor dad, and of course, Midas Touch, co authored with Donald Trump. And speaking of Trump, yes, we will catch you all up on what went on on Celebrity Prentice. Lots to talk about.

[Richard Schiff]

It's over now, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, not in the hearts and minds of many who played it. No, it'll never end. Oh, yes. The finale is coming up. Finale's coming up.

[Richard Schiff]

So are you going back for that?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. I'm contractually obliged. Maybe I can borrow the jet. Yeah, you can Twitter, Robert. Not that he's gonna reply or respond hereal. Kiyosaki. That's K I, Y O and then Saki, right?

[Richard Schiff]

Yeah. S A K I.

[Adam Carolla]

S a k I and richdad.com. so until next time, Adam Crowe for Bald Brian. Robert Kiyosaki and Allison Rosen saying mahalo.

I heart butt plugs.

All right, that's adam Krillo show 773. That does it for today's Kriller classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all new installment.

[Richard Schiff]

Until then, mahalo and get it on.

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