Shaun White + Alex Borstein (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show - Carolla Classics: Shaun White + Alex Borstein

Episode Date: July 5, 2026
Main Guests: Shaun White, Alex Borstein
Co-Hosts: Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop
Classic Clips Dates: Primarily from 2014

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Episode Overview

This "Carolla Classics" episode revisits two standout interviews from the Adam Carolla Show archives featuring Olympic snowboarder and entrepreneur Shaun White and comedic actress/writer Alex Borstein. Superfan Giovanni curates and introduces these highlights, reflecting the broad scope of Adam's conversations—ranging from the business and evolution of extreme sports to the anxieties and quirks of a long career in show business. The show balances Adam's signature wit and directness with candid insights from his guests, interspersed with classic banter from co-hosts Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Shaun White: The Evolution of Extreme Sports and Olympic Stardom

[03:33 – 56:10]

Shaun White's Background & Event Hosting

• Shaun White, multi-X Games and Olympic gold medalist, discusses hosting “Air + Style,” a festival merging snowboarding, skateboarding, music, art, and youth culture.
• White brings a mountain-style big air jump to urban locales like Pasadena’s Rose Bowl, plus similar events in China and Austria.
• He balances roles as a host, musician (with his band Bad Things), and action sports ambassador.

  “If I threw a big party, this is what it would be. It’s got all the things I’m really into in one setting.” – Shaun White [04:33]

Changing Public Perception of Snowboarding

• Discusses initial cultural skepticism and the "stoner" stereotype, and how Olympic inclusion shifted the view.
• Debates athleticism: Adam challenges the outdated idea that snowboarding is less athletic than mainstream sports.

  “What you guys are doing is arguably much more athletic than certainly what a baseball player and possibly a football and basketball player are doing.” – Adam Carolla [07:23]

Event Logistics & Innovation

• White details the logistics of building giant temporary snow jumps in stadiums—massive scaffolding, artificial snow.
• Discusses “Big Air” as a new Olympic snowboarding discipline.

  “This event... in the future may actually become the qualifying event for the Olympics.” – Shaun White [09:52]

Youth Culture, Branding & GoPro Era

• White notes the evolution from Red Bull-type extreme sport sponsorships to a new “GoPro generation,” where athletes film stunts and share instantly.
• Tells a story about a GoPro-wearing dad recording his wife's childbirth, highlighting the craze.

  “I was like, oh my god, why didn’t you wait?... It was kind of disturbing.” – Shaun White [15:29]

Shaun’s Impact & Family Background

• Discusses following in Tony Hawk’s footsteps and the challenge of “carrying the torch” for action sports.
• Snowboarding was the White family’s “soccer”—parents and siblings all participated.
• Sponsored by Burton at age 7, White reflects on quickly rising to global stardom.

  “After I won my first gold, I was 19. Things just kind of, like, spiraled after that.” – Shaun White [17:28]

Dealing with Fame, Fans, and Grounding

• Compares his youthful, overwhelmed self to being more centered now.
• Shares insights on being the “redhead” athlete, making a cultural impact, and being stopped in public (from moms to international fans).
• Tells story of returning to JFK airport after the Olympics, greeted by huge applause and "USA" chants.

  “It was out of a movie... the whole place did the slow clap.” – Shaun White [28:51]

Creativity and Innovation in Extreme Sports

• Adam theorizes that once kids see a trick done, it becomes possible for more to try it—Shaun confirms, adding that elite athletes hit a “creative wall,” having to invent new tricks.
• White’s creativity process: combining elements of existing tricks, serendipitous fails, and building on mistakes.
• Describes his signature “Double McTwist 1260” (aka “the Tomahawk”), a complex, multi-rotational flip.

  “You get to this wall and then you have to decide at that point to keep going and do another flip, blind.” – Shaun White [41:14]

On Risk, Showmanship, and “Victory Lap” Pressure

• Weighs the crowd’s desire to see a dangerous trick after a win versus celebrating safely. Adam jokes he should "shotgun a beer" if not doing a run, to please the crowd.

  “Would you like to catch a buzz or would you like to catch a paralyzation?” – Adam Carolla [43:36]

Relationships, Fame & Prenups

• The conversation veers into relationships: a listener question about post-nup agreements, trust, and financial protection after infidelity.
• Shaun jokes about being the “first red-head athlete” since Bill Walton, the challenges of fame, and his own future thoughts on legal agreements in relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• “Front-load the nup, man!” – Adam Carolla [54:29]

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2. Alex Borstein: On Comedy, Insecurity & Jewish Ancestry

[57:19 – 87:42 & ~90:31+]

Career Longevity and Motivation

• Adam and Alex trace back over 20 years of friendship, from MADtv to Family Guy, “Getting On” (HBO), and more.
• The discussion covers the persistent anxiety of “showbiz Jews,” working nonstop out of “fear,” and never feeling secure—despite long-term success.

  “We're raised that... at any moment, [Hitler’s] gonna wake up out of that cave... and we're fucked.” – Alex Borstein [62:29]

Family Background

• Borstein’s mother emigrated from Budapest, father from Atlanta—both therapists.
• Ironically, being raised by therapists meant more silent treatment than spankings, which Alex jokes was worse as psychological torture.
• Adam contrasts the long-term impact of emotional neglect vs. physical discipline.

  “My father was just done talking about anyone’s fucking feelings.” – Alex Borstein [65:11]

Mouthiness, Smart-Ass Streak & Origins of Lois Griffin

• Alex shares stories of childhood shoplifting, telling Adam to “fuck off” at his own party, and her lifelong penchant for telling people off—insisting it’s not a celebrity thing.
• Explains how her Hungarian family, and Long Island relatives, shaped her accent work (for both Lois Griffin and Ms. Swan).

  “If that's what's in you, if that's your ability... you can’t stop it.” – Adam Carolla [73:03]

Seth MacFarlane, Family Guy & Showbiz Friendships

• Recounts her initial audition for Family Guy—pitching the Lois voice; Seth told her, “That’s really annoying and will take too long. Speed it up.”
• Describes working within Seth MacFarlane’s creative “gang”—valuing trust and recurring talent.

  “It’s kind of neat. Now I’m kind of a part of that with Seth, and it’s pretty cool.” – Alex Borstein [69:54]

Comedy Community, Professional Fears & Anecdotes

• They share stories of LA’s improv scene, odd nicknames, and self-doubt—underscoring that insecurity and work ethic keep careers going.

  “If you make your living in show business...if, in fact, that is your living—you’re successful.” – Adam Carolla [60:40]

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3. Other Classic Banter and Advice

Relationship Advice and Gender Differences

• Several listener calls prompt Adam and Allison to discuss the double standards of infidelity, emotional vs. physical cheating, and whether men “mean” as much by cheating as women do.

  “For guys, we’re mechanical. We’re pragmatic... You’re thinking about, ‘ooh, that's a dig, that's an attempt to whatever,’ and we’re coming at it from a completely mechanical way.” – Adam Carolla [149:56]

Workplace Dynamics & Insecurity

• Explores how initiative at work may be both appreciated by bosses and resented by peers; the team agrees that insecurity can cripple otherwise successful environments.

Humorous Insights on Names, Stereotypes & Pop Culture

• The panel riffs on names like “Lance,” “Ursula”, “Bar,”—positing how some names “give you points” in the looks or charisma department.
• They recall supermarket sweep game shows, “stingy” trading stamps, childhood injuries (Adam’s 4-day shoulder dislocation tale), and the absurdities of diamond mines x-raying workers post-shift to prevent theft.
• Quick jokes about professional swimmers’ personalities, strip club mishaps in Tijuana, and tips for not becoming a “corporate try-hard” in your first week at work.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “If I threw a big party, this is what it would be... all the things I'm really into in one setting.”
  – Shaun White [04:33]

• “What you guys are doing is arguably much more athletic than certainly what a baseball player and possibly a football and basketball player are doing.”
  – Adam Carolla [07:23]

• “You get to this wall and then you have to decide at that point to keep going and do another flip, blind.”
  – Shaun White [41:14]

• “We're raised that... at any moment, [Hitler’s] gonna wake up out of that cave... and we're fucked.”
  – Alex Borstein [62:29]

• “Front-load the nup, man!”
  – Adam Carolla [54:29]

• “[Seth MacFarlane] was always super confident. He knew... what he was capable of. People always ask me, did you know what Family Guy would be? And I say, no, but I think he did.”
  – Alex Borstein [71:45]

• “For guys, we're mechanical. We're pragmatic. You're thinking about, ‘ooh, that's a dig, that's an attempt to whatever,’ and we’re coming at it from a completely mechanical way.”
  – Adam Carolla [149:56]

• “Would you like to catch a buzz or would you like to catch a paralyzation?”
  – Adam Carolla [43:36]

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The Episode’s Tone & Energy

The tone is candid, quick-witted, and conversational, layered with Adam’s skeptical wisdom, irreverence, and frequent self-deprecation. Co-hosts and guests freely volley jokes with sincere insights—from the business of sports and showbiz anxiety to relationship realpolitik.

Adam prods guests to introspect while extracting hilarious, real-life stories, cementing the episode’s appeal to fans seeking both entertainment and truth-telling.

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Conclusion

This Carolla Classics episode masterfully juxtaposes behind-the-scenes tales from an American sports icon and a comedy veteran, delving into everything from Olympic pressure and creative breakthroughs to ethnic anxiety and industry friendships. Listeners get an immersive, entertaining glimpse into how high-achievers process fame, risk, identity, and interpersonal pitfalls—with just enough rants, debates, and outrageous stories to ensure classic Carolla fun.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Shaun White Interview: [03:33 – 56:10]
• Alex Borstein Interview: [57:19 – 87:42 & ~90:31+]
• See individual quotes and topics above for precise moments.

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This summary skips all advertisements, sponsor reads, and non-content sections.

Transcript

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[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to get access to the Adam Carollo show archives as well as The Adam and Dr. Drew Show Archives and the newer podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's substack adamcarla.substack.com sign up subscribe, listen ad free and if you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsdamcurolla.com Note we cannot play any material from Loveline nor from the Adam Crullo Morning Show. Some of that material was played on the podcast where they're doing live commentary over it. If you have one of those moments in mind, we can actually play those. But otherwise, if you want more information on Classic Loveline or the KLSX Adam carolla show from 2006 to 2009 that precede the podcast, I remastered both of those shows. You can come find me on patreon.com Giovanni if you have any questions, want more information, that's where I do all the work. All right, let's get to the clips. Come up first we have Adam Carlo Show 1466 featuring Shaun White, Alex Borstein, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.

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Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Crawler Ball.

[Adam Carolla]

Bryan. Yolo man.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, getting a lot of, a lot of buzz around the ACE Awards around that drop. Best drop by a guest. A lot, a lot of buzz.

[Adam Carolla]

YOLO man. Shaun White in studio. Sean, good to see you again.

[Shaun White]

Hi.

[Giovanni]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Two time Olympic gold medalist and million X game gold medals and 23 medals overall x Games going to China tonight. And I'll tell you why he's going to China. He's going to China to do the very thing he's going to do out here. February 21st and 22nd at the Rose Bowl. It's a two day event. It's air and style. It is, Sean. It's skateboarders, it's musicians, it's DJs, it's rappers. And what else am I missing?

[Shaun White]

Gosh, there's a whole family zone. Bring your kids, learn to ride. You know, we're bringing coaches and things from Big Bear, the local resorts, to introduce people in the sport in the right way. We have art installations, fashion components, technology. It's really kind of like the youth culture around the sport as well as the sport.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you skateboarding? Are you snowboarding? Are you both, are you playing in a band?

[Shaun White]

Well, I'm hosting the thing at the same time, basically. Yeah. I'm kind of jumping around. I won't be competing at the event. I'm more the host, but I'll be probably messing around, taking a couple jumps for fun. The band I'm in, Bad Things will be playing and then I'll probably be skating. You know, it's kind of like the. I don't know. If I threw a big party, this is what it would be. It's got all the things I'm really into in one setting. So I'll be all over the place.

[Adam Carolla]

Yolo, man. And you're going. You're going.

[Mark Norman]

What is that?

[Shaun White]

That's you talking about your bandmates.

[Allison Rosen]

Reasoning for getting tattooed.

[Brian Bishop]

Tattoo on a tongue or tattoo on an eyelid.

[Giovanni]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Shaun White]

He said yolo.

[Adam Carolla]

The response, okay, so did now in China. You'll be doing the same.

[Shaun White]

I will, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So are we hitting three continents, or where are we going?

[Shaun White]

Yeah. So this thing started probably 20 years ago in Austria, and I was a competitor there. And then as the event grew into Beijing, they needed somebody to come and explain the sport to the Chinese people. You know, it's so new over there, sports in general. And so we host the event at the Bird's Nest, this massive stadium. And, you know, I was just telling people about the sport through the experiences in my life and what it's given me and my family and all these things. And, you know, because at first glimpse, you're like, oh, it's dangerous, and it's daredevil, and people don't understand the athletics and the kind of community behind it. And I got there, saw my name on the event. I'm like, we got to do this in the US and so, upon getting the rights to do it to the US I figured, why not go all the way? And I'm the new owner of the event.

[Adam Carolla]

So you do China, you do the US In December.

[Shaun White]

China, we do Austria. Innsbruck, Austria, in January, and then February here at the Rose Bowl.

[Brian Bishop]

All the great snowboarding skiing locations. Pasadena, California.

[Adam Carolla]

And tonight, literally later on tonight, flying out to China.

[Shaun White]

To China.

[Adam Carolla]

So the question. We're looking at the Bird's Nest now. It's amazing. It's built for the Olympics. Unbelievable. So I was thinking about it when I was driving in as I was thinking about talking to you, and it's weird, because snowboarding is an amazing athletic sport. I mean, what you guys do is not only very athletic, but there's a danger element involved with it as well. And there's a sort of ballet and poetry and everything else involved. But then I thought, sometimes I think people, maybe Americans, brush it aside, or maybe they did 10 years ago. Oh, a bunch of stoners going up to the hill to cause trouble. It is that, and it is that, but is there? Have people come around? Have you been fighting an uphill fight, saying, like, I am an athlete. Like, I understand when people say, hey, that guy's a golfer. That guy's a bowler. Come on. He's not an athlete. I kind of go, yeah, Kind of, I'm kind of with you. But what you guys are doing is arguably much more athletic than certainly what a baseball player and possibly a football and basketball player are doing. They should be coming up to you. Do you get defensive about it or is that just me?

[Caller John from Seattle]

I.

[Shaun White]

To be honest, I do sometimes just because it is a sport, you know, it's definitely, you know, in the Olympics we're doing it. And that's what's crazy about the Olympics coming along is I felt like the Olympics needed snowboarding just as much as snowboarding needed the Olympics. I mean, the viewership of, I don't know, the two man luge. I don't know how hot that ticket is. You know what I'm saying? Like all these things.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to crap on your point, but the long distance skiing where the guys skiing a week weird scissor fashion and then fire a pellet gun after two hours, Riveting. That's pretty exciting stuff.

[Shaun White]

Riveting.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't forget curling. There are certain Olympic sports where you just tune in for eight minutes and go, God, that looks tiring. And then you change the channel. Cross country skiing is me just going, fuck, that looks tiring. And then I change the channel.

[Shaun White]

And then you come back and he's still going.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's still going. It's like the 200 million meter breaststroke or whatever. They're like, it's 47 laps there and back is half a lap. And I'm like, okay.

[Shaun White]

Well, I think when people really see it in person, it puts a whole new spin on it. I mean, that's why this event's so amazing, is that we're bringing the mountains to the city. You know, it's a 16 story scaffolding jump. I mean, this thing's massive. So it's actually taller than the Rose bowl itself. So it's out on the lawn.

[Adam Carolla]

So it is. It actually exceeds the height of the Rose bowl and it is sprayed on. How is it physically constructed? Because it has to be frozen and it has to be sprayed and you're going to look like you don't.

[Shaun White]

I don't totally know. I wish I did. It's more just kind of like shaved ice and then they kind of mix it with water in refrigerators and then, yes, shoot it out onto the snow embankment.

[Adam Carolla]

So the half pipe is bigger than the half pipe you would normally ride than if it's that high.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Right.

[Shaun White]

This one's just a jump.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's just a jump.

[Shaun White]

Yeah. So it's big air. So Right now, what's exciting is actually in the sport of snowboarding, it's still so new compared to all the other sports. So the Olympics has half pipe, which I've competed in twice now, three times now. And they have slopestyle, which is a series of jumps. And now they're looking on taking another event, which would be big air, which is one big jump. Your best trick.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. Yeah.

[Shaun White]

So this event, you know, in the future may actually become the qualifying event for the Olympics.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, again, the Olympics is one of those things where ultimately you gotta get viewers. Everyone's getting old. You want the young eyeballs and you know, the guys going in a circle from the Nordic countries on the cross country skiing is just. It's not visually compelling at all. And going for that run, especially the half pipe run, which lasts all of 33 seconds, that's pretty quick, is as much excitement as you can pack into that period of time. How long is an average, like Olympic half pipe run?

[Shaun White]

I have, I don't really know. It's usually timed out by hits. I go for. It's six hits. Traditionally.

[Adam Carolla]

What kind of weed?

[Shaun White]

Seven if you're doing smaller errors, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Shaun White]

So five if you're really going.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but there's only bigger than everyone else, I guess 10 or 15 seconds in between the hits. Right. So I mean, we're really just talking about, you know, you know, 85 seconds and you're, you're through. Which is more excitement than the two hours. Whenever they do the we'll check back in. I'm always like, let's finish this off. We don't need to check back. No one checks back in halfway into a run on a half pipe. So you got the music, you got the thing, you got the lifestyle. And it kind of, I think a little about what Tony Hawk was doing and is doing with his event. I don't know if his event is still going on.

[Shaun White]

Huck Jam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, where he would like bring on a bunch of X gamers. Obviously yours is better.

[Shaun White]

No?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, obviously, yeah, you're getting the look.

[Shaun White]

No, I actually was in the first Huck Jam of his. I was a friend of his and he's like, you want to be a part of this in Las Vegas? And his was more of like a Cirque du Soleil meets skateboarding. So it was like, you know, motorcycles jumping over each other, over the ramp while fireworks are going off. This is more of like, you know, a full on like X Games meets a music event with all those other components involved. But this is an actual tour, so the standings and rankings from the first event will carry on to the next event and then we'll have a final winner at the Los Angeles.

[Adam Carolla]

So that'll be where it culminates.

[Shaun White]

Yeah, that's where it all is going to get heavy because everybody will be trying to win for the title at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

What is going on? I don't know if Red Bull is a sponsor and still a sponsor or was a sponsor. I don't know what's going on with you and Red Bull, but all I know is every time I turn on the television, Red Bull is sponsoring something else. That's nuts. There's a bunch of guys on mountain bikes with spike tires going down a luge and they're fighting it out when everyone's wearing hockey pads where they shouldn't be and everyone's going nuts and then they're in an airplane and it's like Red Bull, Red Bull, Red Bu. Just is the extreme sport thing is everyone just sitting around.

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[Adam Carolla]

Trying to think of something else to do, because I don't. I feel like it was like skateboarding and BMX and motocross for, like, good decade, and now everyone's just going completely insane.

[Shaun White]

Well, the new one is. It's kind of like, you know, not only are you doing this kind of, you know, crazy thing or exciting thing that you want to do, but then you got to film it. You got to show people what happened. And, you know, so that's what. The new ones, the GoPro cameras, I mean, those things, you attach them to your head, you jump out of the plane, you do all these things. And so that's, like, kind of been, I guess, the new Red Bull of the sport is this. This company has actually created a camera where you film yourself. And that's been the new craze, is basically doing these new tricks and posting it online, doing anything, and then it's grown to this. This massive scale of, you know, people are wearing them. Was it the last one? I heard it was kind of disturbing. It was like, I wore it for my kids, you know, my pregnancy, my wife. I had the GoPro, and I was like, oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Shaun White]

Why didn't you wait?

[Allison Rosen]

Where was it on the fetus?

[Shaun White]

I was like, I don't. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it on the guy's head, like, when he was at the business end of the vajin?

[Shaun White]

Yeah, he was really excited to tell me because I'm an athlete for them, and he was for gopa. I thought we would bond over.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a weird flesh luge.

[Adam Carolla]

I signed somebody's sonogram back there tonight, actually.

[Brian Bishop]

Someone who works here.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I just pointed to the back like it was Dawson. But no, somebody said.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody said sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. In a weird way, but yeah.

[Caller Kathleen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't need to see everything. So when you started, could you have imagined this thing would blow up? Like it blew up? And then how much of that are you responsible for? And don't be modest.

[Mark Norman]

I don't know.

[Shaun White]

I mean, I feel like if Tony Hawk was, you know, one of the first guys at action sports to take it to, you know, whatever place he did. I do feel like, you know, the one to carry the torch after that and bring it into this new era. I mean, Tony Hawk didn't have the advantages of going to the Olympics and doing these things. Skateboarding's still not an Olympic event or Olympic sport, but I don't know. I mean, I just remember being on the hill and doing my thing. It's what brought my family together. My mom competed, my dad competed, my sister, my brother. And so it was like our soccer. It was our thing that we did. Instead of having your dad yelling at you from the sideline, he'd be riding with you, yelling at you.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad's snowboarding.

[Shaun White]

Yeah, he does.

[Adam Carolla]

And he did back. Back in the day.

[Shaun White]

Yeah. He didn't, like, try to do it professionally. It was just kind of like, he's there, the film family's there. Why not we go up to Big Bear Snow Summit and he goes on a weekend trip and then go home and have our normal lives. But they started entering me into competitions, and I started winning, and then it just kind of blew up for the family. And then things just got crazy. I mean, I was sponsored at 7.7years old by Burton Snowboards. I'm still with them today. And, you know, from there, X Games started. The Olympics got on board with snowboarding, and, I mean, after I won my first gold, I was 19. So things just kind of, like, spiraled after that. I mean, it was all sorts of opportunities and whatever I wanted to do and. And that's as, like kind of growing up in that scenario was a difficult thing. But I definitely. I don't know. I'm so happy and fortunate for where I am today, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I make this comment about your headspace? You seem very comfortable, grounded, relaxed. Maybe the first time I saw you was doing my radio show. Maybe, I don't know, seven years ago or something.

[Brian Bishop]

It was after he won his gold medal. He came right to our show, and he had the long hair, the flying

[Adam Carolla]

snow on it still had the metal and everything. But you seemed, And I don't know how, you were young and you just won a gold medal, but you seemed like it was all happening too fast or something or how anyone would react at that age after everyone coming after, essentially going from unknown to known worldwide, very quickly, almost a little dazed and confused, and now very mature. Got your, like, business hat on. Comfortable. Relaxed it is. This is supposed to be a compliment, but what I mean is he wants

[Allison Rosen]

to know if he's imagining it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, imagining It. Or is that just the maturity that comes between 19 and 27 or whatever it was?

[Shaun White]

I think so. I mean, at the time I was just kind of like, well, this is happening to me and how do I manage it? I mean, it's happening no matter what, whether I wanted to or not. You know, I'm getting more recognized and all these things are coming my way. And it's just kind of like, how do you feel that? How do you deal with being approached at dinner, walking out down the street asking for foot, like all these kind of things that come your way.

[Adam Carolla]

How about just being the first redhead since Bill Walton to excel in any sport?

[Shaun White]

Yeah, that was a big one.

[Brian Bishop]

Good for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Any sport.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Fuck Blake Griffin.

[Adam Carolla]

Find me. Well, I don't count him.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, I know what you mean. Yeah, I had to say it.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, understood. Sorry. Find me a good picture of Bill Walton with red hair. And you know, these kids don't know from Bill Walton. He was a crazy.

[Shaun White]

Was he?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he played at ucla. Liked to argue with the coach, liked to sit in with the students. And like, he's a Hall of Famer.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a great player.

[Adam Carolla]

Like to ride his 10 speed, I think famously, like, rode his bike. The Trail Blazers won the world championship. He rode his bike to the parade and it got ripped off.

[Shaun White]

Oh, no way.

[Brian Bishop]

He was super into the Grateful Dead and all that stuff, smoking pot. And of course, he had the buttoned down coach in college, in the world.

[Shaun White]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Shaun White]

So UCLA, the Doc Ellis of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, UCLA's the crazy.

[Brian Bishop]

Only really good.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the crazy dynasty. And they have their coach, John Wooden, who's the most button down guy in the world, who has the, you know, pyramid of fundamentals. And it's hard to argue with the guy because all he did was win.

[Shaun White]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's got this hippie seven foot center with red hair who wants to go sit in with the students that are protesting the Vietnam War.

[Shaun White]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

But his coach is like, cut your hair and get the fuck back to practice. But it's hard because the guy's 7:2 and they never stop losing.

[Shaun White]

Okay, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So dominant. Yeah. But I'm guessing maybe the pretty. That's pretty good.

[Brian Bishop]

He got crazier in with the Blazers for sure.

[Mark Norman]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

No pun intended.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, we'll find the crazier red hair at some point, but. Yeah, that you couldn't. But on the other hand,

[Shaun White]

I tried to get something like that going, but it's not. The facial hair isn't the strongest suit

[Adam Carolla]

well, again, don't apologize. The first redheaded athlete in a good 25 years to really make waves in this country.

[Brian Bishop]

If you have red hair, are you obligated to have it crazy at some point in your life? I just watched a documentary on Ginger Baker, the drummer for Cream. Crazy hair, crazy facial hair. Redhead.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think red hair sits down.

[Brian Bishop]

Red hair doesn't tame.

[Adam Carolla]

It's hard to tame a redhead.

[Shaun White]

There's different, you know, styles of it, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yours is.

[Shaun White]

Mine's a bit darker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yours has gotten darker, especially since you were younger. But anyway, important discussion. Yeah, it's hot. Folic topic. Hair talk. Yeah. All right. So flying out tonight, how many hours is it out there to China?

[Shaun White]

12 to 13, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

And you'll just be in your little cocoon sleeping away. And then once you get there, it'll be tomorrow. And then. Or the next.

[Shaun White]

No, the next day.

[Adam Carolla]

The next day. And then when do you have to go to work?

[Shaun White]

I mean, it starts right away. I kind of plan it that way so that I could have time to be home and do family things. I mean, I'm coming out of Thanksgiving with the fam, and then I, you know, know kind of handling some things before I take off. But it's good. I mean, I land, I start doing media. The whole band's gonna be flying with me because we're gonna be playing some music out there and then, you know, host the event, do some introductions for the riders, all the athletes, and then come back.

[Adam Carolla]

Who is the craziest fans for your sport?

[Shaun White]

Like which country?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or just the culture group figure young, but what country?

[Shaun White]

South Americans.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Shaun White]

They got no personal bubble, you know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, their ass.

[Shaun White]

They got. Well, they come up, they got, they don't do the, like, hey, let me give it, you know, they just throw the arm around you like, we're taking a photo, this is happening. And then moms.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Shaun White]

Moms are. I had a security guard come to a signing with me once and he's just like, you know, kind of looked flustered afterward. And I was like, oh man, what's like the craziest thing you've had to deal with? He's like, to be honest, it was with you in New Jersey at this one event because these, these moms would come through and, you know, they've just decided at some point that they're not doing this for them, they're doing it for the kids. And, and since they're a mom, the rules don't apply. And this guy's just like, what am I? I can go to concert and, you know, push some guy out of the way. Like, I can't shove this mom out of the way. You know what I mean? It gets, it got pretty heavy at times.

[Adam Carolla]

The, you know, if you ever see that documentary, I think South America and Central America, when you see those documentaries like Senna or we're talking before the F1 driver, I think he won three world champions. I think he was from Brazil. And then also we're talking about Roberto Duran. Roberto Duran, Central America.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Panama, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, from Panama.

[Allison Rosen]

He could knock out a woman and a horse.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they said.

[Brian Bishop]

One punch each.

[Adam Carolla]

Separate punches. But the whole fucking country closes down. Like when Senna would win a driving championship. It's like anarchy in the streets. Nobody has to go to school. You know, when Roberto Duran would fight, the whole country would watch the fight. I don't think that's a good thing for your country, but it must be insane coming from a place like you couldn't imagine America. I think that's what's great about this country.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like Pacquiao has that now.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Adam Carolla]

the air and on cable, satellite, and select streaming services. METV is memorable entertainment television. It does, but not with Americans.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Filipinos. The point is, is all countries should aspire to having one of your countrymen win the belt or win the F1 championship or win the half pipe. And you go, huh, when was that? Because that's what we do. That was the last night. Oh, no reward in our pipe.

[Shaun White]

It is funny, though. If you come from a smaller country or you come from a small village in this area, I mean, there's such pride that comes from that. I mean, being an American, slightly different, but, you know, I. I know guys that have gotten like third or fourth at the Olympics and they have, like, statues in their city. I'm like, oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Who's that?

[Shaun White]

They're like, oh, it's me. Yeah, for what? What happened?

[Adam Carolla]

I know guys, by the way, I'm from la, so it sucks for me.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a. It's like a suck Sunday with suck extra suck sauce on top of it. Because if you're from la, it's like, oh, who gives a shit? There's no local guy makes good or anything. I know guys that are from, like, you know, parts of, like, you know, parts of Illinois who are like, oh, I'm semi famous back in their town. And I'm like, for what? And they're like, just living in la. I'm sure they feed him a little bullshit about acting and producing or something,

[Allison Rosen]

but literally, just having gotten out just

[Adam Carolla]

from growing up outside of Joliet and moving to LA makes him a bit of a hometown hero. They do write little articles about them getting extra work in la, like, shit like that. But if you're from. Where are you from?

[Shaun White]

I grew up San Diego.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, good luck. You can't do anything.

[Brian Bishop]

No one cares.

[Adam Carolla]

And then inevitably, when the guy dies, when Senna dies, the whole. The whole city's got it. The whole country's got to shut down

[Shaun White]

and attend the funeral at the Olympics, though. I mean, when I won the first time, and I didn't know this or expect this, but, you know, I was 19, I was like, oh, this will be cool. This could be great to win. I didn't really understand what it meant and what it meant to be an Olympian. And so afterward, I remember walking through the airport at jfk and this was out of a movie. You know, like, somebody screamed my name and the Whole place did the slow clap.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Shaun White]

The whole place started clapping at the, you know, the terminal check in. And I'm just standing there like, ugh. You know, and I just throw the arms up, you know, and the whole place.

[Brian Bishop]

Was there a USA chant?

[Shaun White]

Yeah, it was incredible. So, you know, I have that happen to me quite a bit, like cruising the show or something, and people just start chanting, usa. There's something about the Olympics and, you know, winning medals for the US that kind of like, resonates with people.

[Allison Rosen]

Like a veteran.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we do.

[Brian Bishop]

One of the best shared. I just remember Nevi said that about the Olympics. One of the best shared communal experiences I ever had with sports was. And of all places, Culver city, you know, L.A. doesn't care about anything. I mean, Culver City took some friends watching.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Having dinner. And the Olympics are on this one. Michael Phelps was going for like, medal number nine, like, or whatever the record would have been that year. And this restaurant that's just, you know, a bunch of random people doing whatever, everything stopped and everyone watched the tv. And when he got that medal, everyone just erupted in applause. And it's like in la where no one cares about anything, you know, it unified everyone.

[Shaun White]

It was interesting about it. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And are you retiring from the Olympics?

[Shaun White]

No, I'm hoping to go to the next one. Great.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Gary.

[Shaun White]

I'm still got. There's been confusion because now I'm competing

[Adam Carolla]

at the event amongst the stadium.

[Shaun White]

No, I just thought it'd be funny. Like, I'm kind of like, it's a lose, lose situation. I either, like, win my own event and it looks funny, or I lose my own event and it looks even funnier. So I was just like, I'd rather. Way rather host and just be a part of the.

[Allison Rosen]

Why does it look funny if you win your own event?

[Shaun White]

Well, I mean, it's my event.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, are we talking about the.

[Shaun White]

I hired everyone to be there.

[Adam Carolla]

We're talking about the two day. We're talking about Aaron style.

[Shaun White]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But not the Olympics.

[Shaun White]

I'm sorry. No, I don't put on the Olympics. No, I'm talking Aaron style.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Yeah.

[Caller Kathleen]

This event.

[Shaun White]

I was saying that the confusion that I'm done because I'm hosting this event, but it's a particular discipline that I don't really compete in. So I do the half pipe, which is a little bit different from all this.

[Adam Carolla]

The good news for you is even if the wheels come off this snowboard and you completely bottom out with drugs, women and alcohol, you're always gonna have to at least get the commentator gig during the snowboarding and every Olympics. Oh, yeah, until you hit the grave,

[Shaun White]

because I'll just grow the hair back.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll just have to have you. They have to have you up in that booth. They really will.

[Brian Bishop]

They have to have Big Alexi Lawless.

[Adam Carolla]

Smooth transition, who was one of. I don't know why, but speaking of Olympics, one of the most compelling things that came out of the snowboarding department, I think it was snowboarding a few years back, is when that young lady was winning and she did a little hot dog at the very last jump.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the last Olympics, right?

[Shaun White]

That was two Olympics.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think it was one before it and just kind of Torino bounced her butt right at the end of Vancouver.

[Shaun White]

Yeah, one of them.

[Adam Carolla]

One of them. She was winning the whole thing. She was going to take home the gold.

[Shaun White]

She's in the lead.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I guess in keeping in spirit with the snowboarders, she decided on the last jump, instead of just kind of keep it straight, do a little hot dog action. She got a little loose, but hit the ground and she took second place.

[Shaun White]

No, she full on fell. Her name is Lindsay. Yeah, she. Man, poor thing. She was in the lead and she decided to kind of show off and do this simple trick. But something happened. The wind hit the wrong way or she lost balance and, like, slid on her back down the whole landing. Had to hop up and, like, regain her momentum. You know, you're on the mountain, it's not really steep. So as she's trying to hobble and get back on her feet, the one girl passes her right at the finish

[Adam Carolla]

line and she ends up getting.

[Shaun White]

I think she got second or third, which was great and all, but she kind of lied about it afterwards and said that it's something that snowboarders do to, you know, control themselves while in the air. And everybody was like, Lindsay Jenny Ballas.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Shaun White]

They called the.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be like if your stepdad caught you trying to blow yourself and you're stretching your back out.

[Shaun White]

Oh, I was just.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So, yeah, she. Well, wait a minute. I don't know if that was the exact right clip we were looking at, but. Well, let's see if she does it.

[Mark Norman]

That was it.

[Shaun White]

No, that was it right here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. She went for the grab, right?

[Shaun White]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But is there. There's a couple questions I have. I have three. One is, is this good or would you've just. If you were competing, would you have won? Just put your head down and get to that finish line and get that gold or would you go for the crowd pleasing grab?

[Shaun White]

So I literally had that moment twice. I think it basically happened where I'm standing at the top and I'd already won the event. Not. Not particularly like her. It wasn't still on the line. I would have played it a little more seriously, but at least you know, the racing line. No, I'm at the top.

[Adam Carolla]

The top of the line.

[Shaun White]

Yeah, the half pipe. And I'm. And I. I'd already won with my first run. There's no other competitors. I'm the last guy to drop. So I get what's called a victory lap. And so at this victory lap, you got to decide. You're like, okay, I just won the medal. Like, yolo, man. Do I try? Exactly.

[Caller John from Seattle]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you please the crowd?

[Shaun White]

Do I please the crowd?

[Adam Carolla]

Or you literally just play safe and

[Shaun White]

you don't want to be the. Like, YouTube highlighted the guy that won the medal and then has to be like, carted out of the place.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Right.

[Shaun White]

In those times, I actually did. I did better runs than I did in the first time. I went for it.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you were loose.

[Shaun White]

I was just feeling it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Shaun White]

But I definitely, I had that, that moment of like, okay, do I. Do I play it safe here? Do I just really go for it?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's that thing where people appreciate it,

[Shaun White]

me going for it.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say, well, yeah, ultimately. And ultimately, is her story better with the bronze or the silver or whatever it is? Because, well, we would have forgotten all about whoever won. Nobody knows the name of the person that won. That story still in my head, if you asked me 20 years from now, I'd kind of remember. Yeah, the chick that did the gypsy doodle. I mean, ultimately, yeah, she knows she had the skill to win. And we know what, we'll be talking about her for another 25 years. So ultimately, is that better?

[Shaun White]

She's not. I don't think she's like landing like insurance commercials or anything.

[Adam Carolla]

You're looking at it like a business hat on.

[Shaun White]

No, I mean, you know, I don't know where the silver took her career, you know, and I know she came back to do it again. I mean, can you imagine every single time you step up now, you're the girl that did that, and now it's bringing it up again and she's trying to win. Maybe she won't mess up this time. And she's been at the last couple Olympics in the same story, and she hasn't won. So it's almost like this lingering. Will she ever Kind of outlive that mistake. I mean, it's heavy.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to give a little love to one of our sponsors then. I have a question. I want you to think about it. I have the theory that the reason these sports get so big and so advanced so quickly is because people don't know they can do things and then they see somebody do it, and then they all. Once you see somebody do something, whether it's dunk a basketball or do Tony Hawk do a 780 or whatever he's doing, then every 13 year old on the planet goes, oh, that's doable. And then they do it. But don't answer because you're the one who does do it. And I want to know how much the psychological part factors in. Ah, unfinished Business. You guys got to watch this trailer. It's got my buddy Vince Vaughn in it, and it's funny and it's not out yet, but that's not the point. They just want you to go online, check out the trailer. I think that's called Confident. That's about a small business owner and a couple associates and they go off to Europe, they make a deal and hijinks ensue. Very funny trailer. I watched it myself the day before yesterday. And you just go online and you search Unfinished Business movie, and you can watch the red band trailer and it's free and it doesn't take anything. And you don't. They don't need a urine sample or anything like that. Just search Unfinished Business movie and you can watch the brand new trailer with Vince Vaughn. It's online now. All right, so seeing somebody do something, does something snap in your head where you just go, oh, God, it can be done. Or is that not as big a factor as I think it is?

[Shaun White]

Immediately you're like, I have to do that now. I want to do that. Because you see somebody do something and you know you're either inspired by it or you're motivated. It's like somebody showing up in the neighborhood with a new bicycle or something. You're like, what is that? I've never seen that before. It's something brand new. And there's something so, you know, enticing about it. You just want to go try it. But not only that, the hardest part is once you're in that place, if you've done all the tricks and you're at that point where you have to then create a trick or do something brand new that's never been done before, that's. That's, I think, the true wall you hit with, creatively speaking, when you get to that point of losing inspiration, I mean, that's why our sport's so interesting is it's not about how much I hit the gym or how hard I go on the mountain, these things. It's being inspired. Half of the tricks I was doing at the Olympics, I had to create. I was the first one to do them.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

I was just wondering, what's your process in creating one? You're out there on your snowboard and suddenly something occurs to you? Or is it more like you're sitting there, you know, at home, and all of a sudden you think of something?

[Shaun White]

It's all built off of tricks that you can do already or you've seen somebody do somewhere else. You're like, oh, that's interesting. What if I took that trick and then added this trick that I do to that trick and it becomes something new? And then the funniest thing will happen because you set out this path to, you know, attempt that scenario, and then just by mistake, you end up trying something new or that turns into something else. I mean, I mean, literally, I've gone up and tried tricks and had a complete failure, but I was like, wow, well, what if I didn't try to go backflip here and I ended up just spinning more and it becomes something brand new that you never set out to do. So you stumble upon that once in a while when you're really lucky.

[Allison Rosen]

Is there a trick that you're best known for?

[Shaun White]

There's a trick called the double McTwist 1260, or we'd be calling it the Tomahawk because it's the steak I ate the night before I did it.

[Adam Carolla]

You ate the Tomahawk?

[Shaun White]

I ate a steak called the Tomahawk the night before I did a Tomahawk.

[Allison Rosen]

I swear he just has diabetes.

[Shaun White]

The devil McTwist 1260. I was so full of meat.

[Adam Carolla]

Isn't it YOLO, man, great you didn't have the chicken fingers because that was like a shitty name for a trick.

[Shaun White]

So what is the trick? It's a double McTwist 1260. So double.

[Adam Carolla]

I started Ornod in 2013 and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business

[Shaun White]

as essentially non technical people.

[Adam Carolla]

We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end, and sell things online easily.

[Shaun White]

If Shopify were a bike accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. Start your free trial on shopify.com.

[Shaun White]

here we go. So I did this at the last run in the Olympics, the victory lap I was talking about. Everybody wanted me to do it, and

[Brian Bishop]

I was like, oh, here comes the shepherd's pie.

[Shaun White]

Yeah, here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

So this is. We're gonna see the. We're gonna see the move.

[Shaun White]

Here's my setup trick.

[Adam Carolla]

That seems like enough trick for me.

[Shaun White]

This one.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Caller Kathleen]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Shaun White]

So basically, wow, you come off the wall doing a backflip, and then. I'm sorry, a front flip here. So, front flip, and as it comes around, you do a backflip and rotate. And it's degrees of rotation you're working with. So, you know, when I say 1260, you know, or 1440, it's just like an addition of multiple of, you know, rotation. 180 is half of a circle, 360 is a full circle. So you keep going up while doing two flips.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're. It's basically. I would call that the rock tumbler.

[Shaun White]

Yeah, but that's.

[Adam Carolla]

You're spinning and tumbling, essentially. I mean, you're going. You're doing sort of a compound directional thing. Like, you're rotating both ways. Right.

[Shaun White]

It's a certain amount of, like, rotation and force. So as I come into where I would traditionally land, it's two tricks put into one. But where I traditionally land is where I actually go into a second flip. But it's like against all, you know, everything that's inside of you, instinct wise, is you're like, okay, this is where I land. And then you have to decide at that point to keep going and do another flip blind. Yeah, because I get to this wall, and then I can't see where I'm going. I have to continue one more flip before I can actually see the landing there. But I was at X Games. I crashed. It's like one of the famous crashes from there. My helmet flew off.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, can I say this? I don't want to say I'm going to tell you your business, but let me tell you this. That's a pretty rowdy crowd out there, the snowboarding crowd, and they want to see you do your possibly most dangerous trick on a run you don't need to do because you've already locked up the points or the gold or whatever you have. Take my advice. The crowd's going to be pissed off if you just slink down the thing and go down the center of the thing and hit the hot tub with the bimbos. What you can do to not injure yourself, but yet. Yet satisfy and elate the crowd. Please tell shotgun a beer. All you got to do is hold up like a big Molson. Just one. Or Fosters.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And just hold it up. And. And then you just shotgun that and everybody be like, Canada. Then you slide right down the middle, and everyone's just fucking going nuts. And all you did was catch a buzz. One beer. You just drank.

[Shaun White]

I like it.

[Adam Carolla]

You shotgun one beer, I guarantee you'd at least get the same reaction. Nobody'd be pissed off, like, why didn't he go on his next run? And by the way, people would be like, he couldn't go on his next run. He had a buzz.

[Shaun White]

And it's internationally accepted people, you know, it translates.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, totally.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's not like you're driving home tonight or anything.

[Shaun White]

He makes party.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Do Modelo. If you're in, like, Mexico or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Wherever you are, pick out their finest regional canned brew. Shotgun that beer. And just first off, eventually it'll become your thing, and people get angry if you don't drink the be and do. Go for the run.

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You see what I'm saying, Steve Austin?

[Shaun White]

I don't want to get back myself into a corner. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm telling you, if you shotgun the beer, you'd get a great reaction. Especially if you use, like Brian said, the local brew.

[Brian Bishop]

And think of all the sponsorship.

[Shaun White]

Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so would you like to catch a buzz or would you like to catch a paralyzation?

[Shaun White]

No, no, no, no. Door number one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you very much. All right, let's hop to the phones real quick and talk to. Let's see. Someone's have an emotional affair. John, 25, Seattle.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Oh, what's up, ace, Man, People think

[Adam Carolla]

I'm kidding when I make my suggestions, like shotgunning a beer.

[Brian Bishop]

What was. What was joking about that?

[Adam Carolla]

Not kidding. 100%. The crowd would be totally satisfied. All right, go ahead, John from Seattle.

[Caller John from Seattle]

I'm 27. I don't know if that makes a difference, but anyway, so, okay. A year ago, I found out that my wife has, like, emotionally been involved with somebody that she met at work, and we went to counseling.

[Adam Carolla]

How does that. What does that mean? Emotionally involved with someone she worked with.

[Caller John from Seattle]

With, like, you know, inappropriate texting, Facebook messaging, hiding, all of that. Like, nothing physical, but, like, getting emotional support outside of the marriage. That isn't me. That makes sense. So a couple nights ago, I had, like, this crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how do you know? How do you know, that was it. I mean, that's where it ended.

[Caller John from Seattle]

I don't. And I worry about that like every single day. But you know, well, let me ask you this.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. Sorry. Because I understand the female side, she's like, if you talk to the guy and talk to the girl, not this guy, but the guy at work who she's having this emotional relationship with, she's getting her emotional and psychological needs met. And if you asked him, he'd be like, I'm trying to get in this chick's pants. I work with.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm this close.

[Adam Carolla]

So if this went on, but I don't think guys would go on with this for six months or a year.

[Brian Bishop]

Probably not if there was.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Definitely wasn't that long.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. So you're, are you, are you satisfied that there wasn't a physical relationship? Yeah, I mean, I am.

[Caller John from Seattle]

I'll never know because like it would probably destroy our marriage and I don't think that that's something that she wants. Anyway, so a couple nights ago I have this crazy dream. So I start hunting. I wake up in the morning and I start fucking hunting for clues again, right? And I found something. A conversation that she had with her best friend a year ago that she at the time was cons. Like she thought about leaving me for this other guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Where did you find this conversation?

[Caller John from Seattle]

You know, I'm definitely not, definitely not proud of that. But like I'm very savvy with a computer.

[Allison Rosen]

Was an IM conversation or something.

[Caller John from Seattle]

It was on Facebook.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. By the way, you can't do this anymore, people. I have my private conversations inside of like a walk in freezer in an abandoned Jack in the box. Like there's no way you can just.

[Brian Bishop]

What's hew her in the ribs.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, Back and forth. Yeah. So now, John, 27, from Seattle,

[Caller John from Seattle]

I've started a company and it's a tech startup. Tech startup in Seattle. And we're like fucking, we're in January where we're going out for funding. It's looking like shit is about to take off. And I, you know, I'm still like, it's not even been like a year really. And I'm still fucking like super paranoid and scared that like, you know, things are going to take off and she is going to fucking leave me. Right. So is it appropriate now to ask for a post notice?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I called him midnup. Let's not give it the negative connotation of post. We're not there yet, but we're there.

[Brian Bishop]

Internup.

[Adam Carolla]

They're all sort of post nups if you really think about it. But a midnup, not bad.

[Caller John from Seattle]

That's my actual question is, what do you think of that? Is that like, is that.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say under most circumstances this would be met with a certain amount of shock and dismay from the ladies. But considering she's had this affair.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you have the moral high ground then.

[Adam Carolla]

I.

[Allison Rosen]

But it feels like you're used. That feels like sort of push manipulating her into signing this because like you owe me this because you did. I don't know. I don't like this.

[Brian Bishop]

I wouldn't feel, I don't feel comfortable about this marriage if this is hanging over our heads. I possibly doesn't make a lot of money and you obviously don't love me like I thought you did. Either start over or cut it off.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like the money is not the issue. Their relationship should be the issue.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh.

Well, I can tell you, I can tell you that any therapist would say this was a bad idea. But I'm not any therapist. But most therapists are fucked up more than their patients are. Let's be honest.

[Caller John from Seattle]

To bring this up in the therapist's office at 6:00 tonight, I'm literally gonna like, I have a. We have a therapy appointment together and I was gonna drop it in the therapist office.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, well, that's a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Female therapist.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Yeah. And she, she's been, she's been around through this entire thing. She's been through this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I. I think if you say I'm very insecure about our future and rightfully so, I have no idea. And you know, what if, you know, what if the circumstances were reversed? What if I had done this to you and you'd found this stuff about me thinking about running off with this other guy and this, that and the other. And you're about to launch your own line of signature douche or whatever you ladies do. I don't know what you guys invent these days, but.

[Allison Rosen]

Tampons.

[Adam Carolla]

Tampons, okay. Tampons for her.

[Allison Rosen]

Buy her for her.

[Adam Carolla]

Buy her for her. Two.

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, you're gonna go launch your own endeavor that you thought was gonna be wildly successful. And then two years or eight, it's

[Allison Rosen]

breaking into Facebook is what the company

[Adam Carolla]

is 18 years from now. You could, right? What would you do? What would your comfort level be? You know, how would you feel?

[Allison Rosen]

I totally get it. I just think the money is a stand in for the commitment in the relationship. And I Think that trying to get someone to sign a prenup now, it's like, well, I can't trust you anymore, so I need you to. It just feels.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Would you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm all right with him bringing it up in the therapist's office.

[Allison Rosen]

I am, too. I mean, my questions would be, are you guys committed to this relationship? Like, what's going on between you?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna predict what the therapist would say. The therapist is gonna think, ooh, that's a good idea, and then go, now listen, and then give something else. That's what I think. But you're in the therapist's office. By all means, this is a good place to play it, float it, and try not to worry about the financial side of it, but focus on the emotional side of it.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I mean, I just think going forward in a relationship, when the message is, I don't trust you so much that I want you to sign a

[Adam Carolla]

contract, is, well, the problem is going forward.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but what did she do? Really? We don't. I mean, she.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, if the situation was reversed, you'd have a very different story.

[Adam Carolla]

Very different t. I think so, too. Yeah, but.

[Allison Rosen]

No, but it's different when a man has an emotional relationship versus when a woman has an emotional relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that just means he's gay. Yeah, he has physical relationship.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you saying they're the same? Because you're saying if the tables were turned. So you're talking about if someone I was seeing was emotionally becoming close to a woman at work?

[Adam Carolla]

No, what he's saying is as if the equivalent violation had been made, whatever that is to you. Okay, that's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? Because it is different for men or for women, and this is the equivalent violation. Sean, are you married?

[Shaun White]

I'm not.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Alex Borstein]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

Smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't snowboard with that ring on your hand. Smart.

[Shaun White]

It's heavy.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're gonna need a prenup, right?

[Shaun White]

I would assume so, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, unless you marry the heir to the Revlon.

[Shaun White]

Even then, cosmetics.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Marrying James Jones.

[Shaun White]

I don't know. I figured I'd cross that bridge when I got to it, but I feel for you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what you should do? You know what I would do if I were you, Sean? I don't know if you're seeing anybody. I don't know if you're serious.

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[Adam Carolla]

There. What's going on? But why not have the pre. Why not draw up a prenup now? Okay. And then later when it comes up. Oh, you're like, oh, this old thing. I've had this thing for four years.

[Brian Bishop]

I almost forgot I had it.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't draw it up for you. I just had it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's just a thing that my accountant had me.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know how I shotgun beer?

[Allison Rosen]

I also have a prenup.

[Adam Carolla]

It would be grandfathered in

[Brian Bishop]

language.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Your name here. She put her name in there. Hopefully there wouldn't be other names crossed off.

[Shaun White]

I couldn't imagine that.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I'm saying front load the nup.

[Shaun White]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You'd have front the nup.

[Adam Carolla]

Fronten up.

[Shaun White]

You would hope that somebody that would want to be with you would be down to sign something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Because turn the tables.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Caller John from Seattle]

For the right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hear that, Alison? I like where you're coming from.

[Shaun White]

Sean, would you disagree with that?

[Adam Carolla]

Defense is a good offense.

[Allison Rosen]

The difference between the prenup in the middle of your marriage versus when you meet.

[Adam Carolla]

It's going to be toxic.

[Allison Rosen]

That's totally different. It's a totally different situation.

[Adam Carolla]

I completely agree. But on the other hand, if you're on the verge of raising a bunch of cash and making a shitload of money and you're with someone who two days ago found out wasn't gonna be. Didn't wanna think about leaving you. That's why. I mean, the whole. Here's what I would say to the therapist. The whole reason we're having this conversation is because of these things that I found. I wouldn't dream of talking about this in a bubble. You know what I mean? If I did not find this. So that's why we're having this. Front load the nup, man.

[Shaun White]

Front load it.

[Adam Carolla]

Have the nup and just. It say it's kind of thing. Oh, this thing's been with me for years now. Yeah. Oh, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Silly old thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I did it when. When I got my. When I was zygote and I got sponsored by Sims 7 at 7.

[Allison Rosen]

Prenup is sponsored by Burton.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Came out of my. Came out of my mom, I think, before me. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

She had to sign one, too.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. She had to sign a non compete with my nup.

[Brian Bishop]

You have a lot of ideas for Sean.

[Shaun White]

Yeah, I gotta come more often.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

So I know Sean's gotta go. He's gotta go to China. You know, we got places to go too. But either way, you fly in private.

[Brian Bishop]

You fly in a private plane, aren't you.

[Shaun White]

I'm not. That's a far one.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. By the way, that would be a scary flight. That would be the range. There ain't a lot. There's not a lot of private jets that would get from LA to China.

[Mark Norman]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

They go to Europe all the time.

[Shaun White]

You'd have to stop for gas.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you'd have to stop somewhere and refuel. There's a handful, but there ain't many. And by the way, that would be a $80,000 flight quite easily.

[Shaun White]

And that's if you probably 100.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably 100. Yeah. I mean that ain't.

[Shaun White]

Not that I've checked.

[Adam Carolla]

That ain't. Well, you can't.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe for Air plus style.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Shaun White. The event. It's a two day event, Aaron style. It is February 21st and 22nd, Rose Bowl. Geez, I should hit your people up for some tickets because my kids, my twins would probably pre and up. My two twins would love to come out and see you. They're just at the Rose Bowl. Watch in the.

[Shaun White]

Yeah. Bring them to ride. They can do the whole learn to ride area.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, absolutely. All right, we'll take a quick break.

Let's see.

Oh, Alex Worstein, my old friend. Now Alex Worstein is taking. She's out there. Take a quick break.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Be right back.

[Adam Carolla]

You know Dawson and August and Chris, Max of patter, Alison and Gary's. Both full tarred and half tarred. But of course you all know the baldest guy on the show. Brian the sound effects guy has a very shiny dome. You can see your reflection in it. Like a trailer hitch of chrome. Brian is spelled with a Y. Another reason he is lame. But despite his big brain tumor, he kicks Adam's ass in TiVo game. Really feel like you have to know the show to enjoy that one happy

[Brian Bishop]

ending to that song.

[Adam Carolla]

Alex Boorstein in studio. Smart mouth. Before we get to Alex, I gotta tell you, I did something today with my smart mouth. I ran out of it. So I put a little water in and I swished it around. I was a smart mouth alcoholic and dumped it into my mouth and brushed my teeth. Anyway, I need more of this stuff. It is unbelievable stuff. It is 12 hours of fresh breath. And you do it before you go to bed. You do it in the morning and you're done. I do the Jacuzzi with the electric toothbrush move. It is awesome. I just chug it off the bottle and put my toothbrush right in my mouth. And you can find Smart Mouth in the green box at the CVS pharmacy or wherever you shop at. Smart Mouth. Alex Boorstein. Good to see you, baby.

[Alex Borstein]

Good to be seen, doll face.

[Adam Carolla]

It's been a long. God. How long have we known each other? 20 years.

[Alex Borstein]

We have known each other about 20 years.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Do you.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, Getting on is the name of the show. HBO Sundays, 10:30. I have not seen it. The spots are very fun. I've seen many spots on it and I gotta set my TiVo. I think we're only a couple episodes

[Alex Borstein]

in, you know, the whole season's only six episodes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it.

[Alex Borstein]

That's it. So we are. We are. I think it's halfway. We're halfway there. But with the advent of HBO Go, you can watch it anytime you like.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, it's a weird thing because there is no. Well, we were just playing a Christmas themed song. Song. And I always could remember when Rudolph or one of the Claymated Christmas specials, the Grinch or whatever was on. I would be in the kitchen, I'd hear my sister scream, it's back on, you know, during the commercials and, you know, running with the jammies on and sliding across the wood floor. We're in our 30s, so it was weird. And it took a turn for the sexual at some point. But the point is you had to see it. Now everything is like, yeah, I'll get caught up on that. No, watch that. Let a few build up.

[Alex Borstein]

Yeah, it's good and bad. It's plus and minus. It's black and white. Yeah, that's all I got.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. Yin and yang I would have tossed, but that's good. Alex does everything. And you know, we're from the Family Guy and you know, we're from. Well, Seth does a lot of movies and. And Alex is in the movies. And then with. Seth does a lot of live performing. Alex does a lot of that as well. You've been pretty much working non stop for 15 years. I'd say I have for 20 years. 20 years?

[Alex Borstein]

Yeah, for about 20 years. And I'd say 15 of those years have been paid.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So 15 working steady.

[Alex Borstein]

I'd say. See, MAD TV was 97, summer of 97. I was cast in that. So.

[Adam Carolla]

So we're. Yeah. Coming on. Coming on. Closer to 18 years. And I think it's just because you're good.

[Alex Borstein]

Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's that you're good mixed with a motor.

[Alex Borstein]

I thought it was because I was Jewish.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, obviously, there's a lot of nepotism, and you wouldn't make it if you weren't Jewish. But I'm not saying you are, because you are Jewish. You understand what I'm saying? And I know that may not sound like a compliment.

[Alex Borstein]

It can be both. Is what.

[Adam Carolla]

What you're saying you can be a Jew.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, compare yourself to me. Unsuccessful.

[Alex Borstein]

Well, you have a microphone in front of you.

[Adam Carolla]

That means it's not plugged in.

[Allison Rosen]

They're just humoring me. Well, tell them what I said.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, first off, I'll say the same thing to Allison. I said to Philip the Juggler before he passed away, which is, anybody who makes their living in show business is successful if, in fact, that is your living.

[Alex Borstein]

Agreed.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, we all can't be Seth MacFarlane or Adam Carolla. Right? But Adam Carolla's pissed off about Seth MacFarlane.

[Alex Borstein]

Understood?

[Adam Carolla]

See what I'm saying? If you make your living without having to go to a conventional job, if you make your living in show business, and I would include if you went down to Venice beach and played the ukulele for a couple hours and got enough in your hat to support yourself,

[Alex Borstein]

will you do me a favor? Will you call my father and explain that to him? Can we call him on the show right now?

[Adam Carolla]

Buzz him up?

[Alex Borstein]

Can you explain that I am already successful?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you are. And you never stop working. But you never stop working because you're talented, because you're good.

[Alex Borstein]

And scared.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alex Borstein]

Isn't it just fear?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, fear mixed with a motor. Well, fear is the motor, fear is the propellant. But you have to have the talent as well.

[Alex Borstein]

Well, that's nice. Thank you. I hope it's true.

[Adam Carolla]

I know it's true. Well, why would. You've had 18 years, pretty much nonstop work.

[Alex Borstein]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

So why wouldn't the 19th?

[Alex Borstein]

I don't know. You never know what's gonna happen. I live in fear that the war is gonna happen again.

[Adam Carolla]

But I used to have this conversation on occasion with, like, Sarah Silverman, where it's like, she'd go, like, should I buy a condo? Or, I'm so comfortable. And I'd be like, why not? Well, you know, show business, it's topsy turvy. And I'm like, it's been 15 years of nothing but being successful. Do you think you're gonna buy a condominium in Studio City and the bottom's gonna fall out of your career?

[Alex Borstein]

That's how we're raised, though. I think it is kind of a culturally Jewish thing. I'm raised that, like, you know, people who are not Jewish believe in, like, that Christ may rise like we believe Hitler may rise. At any moment, he's gonna wake up out of that cave.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Alex Borstein]

And we're fucked. We lose out.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Like an institutional paranoia.

[Alex Borstein]

They take your art, they take your

[Adam Carolla]

house, they take your car, so they don't have anything for them to take.

[Allison Rosen]

Never own more than you can carry on your back.

[Alex Borstein]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alex Borstein]

Or jewelry's good because you can run with it.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Alex Borstein]

You know, but that's. That's kind of. I think that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are your folks from?

[Alex Borstein]

My mother's from Budapest.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah?

[Alex Borstein]

My mother's Hungarian. My father's from Atlanta. Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

And you came out here when? Because I met you at the Acme Theater. Million years ago.

[Alex Borstein]

My family moved out when I was little. It was like, seven or eight. We moved out, like, 1979 or 80 and been out in California since then.

[Adam Carolla]

What was the plan? Why from Atlanta to Los Angeles?

[Alex Borstein]

Well, they were actually living in Chicago at the time. And I believe my mother's quote was, if I have to fucking get in and out of a goddamn winter coat or put these kids in and out of winter clothes anymore, I'm gonna fucking shoot myself in the head.

[Adam Carolla]

So she was a devout Christian?

[Alex Borstein]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And is she.

[Alex Borstein]

So we ended up moving.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she have a crazy Hungarian name?

[Alex Borstein]

Judith. Judith.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Yudit's big guy.

[Alex Borstein]

Judith Gabor.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Pretty good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alex Borstein]

She is a crazy Hungarian. I believe most Hungarians are.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a Laszlo Gorog and a Bela Gorag and a Buji and all that.

[Alex Borstein]

Your pronunciation is stunning.

[Adam Carolla]

That kind of stuff. I grew up around my grandfather, who was very Hungarian. They're very talkative people now.

[Alex Borstein]

Was his nickname Lotzi?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay, he was Laszlo, but it was just. Everyone knew him as Lotzi.

[Alex Borstein]

I came very close to giving my son a very Hungarian name, which is Dezzer D, E, Z, S, O. And I was like, at the last minute, what am I thinking? Everyone's just gonna call him Dizo.

[Adam Carolla]

It's never gonna work out.

[Alex Borstein]

I mean, I just end up calling him dez. And, yeah, I pulled the plug on it.

[Adam Carolla]

And so they came out here just to escape the cruel winter that Chicago provided. And what was the line of Work that everyone was in.

[Alex Borstein]

My father is a therapist. He's a PhD. My mom's a therapist too, but she did that later.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you say to yourself five times a day or 25 times a day, for Christ's sake? You people are therapists. What the fuck? Like, shouldn't you know better than this? How would you speak to your own daughter this way when you're a therapist, for Christ's sake?

[Alex Borstein]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You think dentists put handfuls of jelly beans in their mouth and then go to bed? Is that what dentists do? They eat taffy and then take naps?

[Alex Borstein]

It's the same thing as, like, you know, a gyno doesn't want to look at another snack at the end of the day. And my father was just done talking about anyone's fucking feelings.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh. So.

[Alex Borstein]

But then. But that's not. You know, we were never spanked. We were never hit. We just. They discussed everything at length.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alex Borstein]

They were just extremely disappointed in me and would. I'd get the silent treatment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alex Borstein]

Which was worse, I think, than having a hand laid on you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what? No, I. I concur. I mean, everyone's freaked out about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam, he got the silent treatment for about 14 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Still getting. No, but I've said many times I'd rather have taken the occasional spanking from my dad and. Or mom than just basically be ignored. Like that was the ultimate psychological torture. I wouldn't want him to go get the switch or the car antenna out, but I would definitely have liked to have had a couple calories burnt on my behind versus the who are you?

[Alex Borstein]

No, I should have been hit. I definitely. I think that had I been smacked around, I think a lot of things would have gone smoother in my teenage years.

[Adam Carolla]

Give us an example.

[Alex Borstein]

You know, I was very mouthy. I was always in trouble for having a smart mouth, being a smart ass for bad language. I did a little shoplifting in my day.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you choose you.

[Alex Borstein]

Don't you really. I just need to.

[Adam Carolla]

Alex pretty famously told me to fuck off in my own kitchen at my own apartment once during my own party, where I had to explain to her, this is my party and this is my kitchen, so you shouldn't be telling me to fuck off. I can't remember what I still, to this day, can't remember what it was.

[Alex Borstein]

I love the impression, though, you love that story. So I'm glad I did it.

[Adam Carolla]

I just remember it's like, who is this little person telling me to fuck myself in my own kitchen at my party? So I'm doing a yes. And with your mouthiness. Because I'm telling you, even when I met you way back in the day at the Acme Theater, you had the mouth. And I think you need to explain probably to people that it's not a celebrity thing, you know? I mean, you're not all highfalutin now.

[Alex Borstein]

You're not all highfalutin.

[Adam Carolla]

What I mean is, you're always telling

[Allison Rosen]

people to fuck themselves.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do. I've had the conversation with people where I'm yelling at someone and going, I'm not pulling a star trip here. I would have told you to fuck off 25 years ago.

[Alex Borstein]

Gotcha.

[Adam Carolla]

This is just me telling you.

[Alex Borstein]

Agreed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Alex Borstein]

I like the term opinionated.

[Caller Kathleen]

Mmm.

[Alex Borstein]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what you were in my kitchen.

[Alex Borstein]

Okay. I was opinionated.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't remember the reason?

[Adam Carolla]

I recall that I had a second apartment with my roommate, Cortland. It was in kind of Toluca Lakey area off of Riverside, and must have had a. I can't remember. Or maybe it was at the old house, but either way, I had sort of an. A little Acme theater, whatever. And I was at Acme before Alex. So I didn't know her as well because she wasn't like, in my class or in my group or what have you. I don't know if you.

[Alex Borstein]

Yeah, we didn't come up together, but we crossed paths.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You showed up maybe two, three years after I did or something like that. I just remember being in my kitchen and Alex walked in. I knew, but didn't know well. And she told me to fuck myself. But I can't remember what I was saying to her or what I was doing at the time I said something. I don't remember it being much, but

[Alex Borstein]

I remember you were looking for something. I think it was like drink mixing was happening. Are you looking for something? And I was in the way. And I said, oh, go yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Something like that. But that's when I said, this gal has it. One day there she'll be a show called Family Guy, and she'll. She'll do multiple voices. Very precious show. Yeah. Well, God bless you on Family Guy from a show that was Seth McFarlane on and pulled and gone and. Must be nice to have a guy like that respect you as much as he does your comedic ability.

[Alex Borstein]

Seth respects me.

[Adam Carolla]

I think so.

[Alex Borstein]

Really? But he knows about the vagina.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Is he.

[Alex Borstein]

You told him about the vagina?

[Adam Carolla]

Does he surround himself with men?

[Alex Borstein]

No. Seth, actually, I think does. Does have quite a bit of respect for.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's not only respect, but it's a lot of it is out of necessity, which is if you're Seth MacFarlane and you have 27 comedic plates spinning simultaneously at once, you need to find people that are good, that can. That you trust, that you respect to work with you to fill the place.

[Alex Borstein]

Yeah. And I'm like a delicious marbled rib eye.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. That is so centered on that plate. It never comes off.

[Alex Borstein]

It's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but you know what I'm talking about.

[Alex Borstein]

I think so.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yeah.

[Alex Borstein]

It's kind of cool to be. I would always watch, like, Judd Apatow and look at that gang and be like, that's so cool how they all kind of know each other and they continue to work together and they trust each other and have go to. And it's kind of neat. Now I'm kind of a part of that with Seth, and it's pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

I can tell you, as someone who's busy. Not Seth busy, but busy. When you find people that are good or that can help or that you trust to do things, you farm it out as fast as you can. Everyone goes, oh, he's a control freak. He may be, but he probably is doing 20 things at once and would love you to take over.

[Alex Borstein]

But he's also doing stuff. It's just cool. He does if something strikes him as funny and it's someone he wants to work with. Like Patrick Stewart. He's doing a show. He's producing with Patrick Stewart.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's a. Seth's a big time nerd. Right?

[Alex Borstein]

Big time nerd. But that's what I mean. Like, he loves Patrick Stewart. And now here's an opportunity to do something cool with him for him. And he does it because it strikes his fancy or Cosmos or whatever the hell is. He just is like, I like this and I want to do this.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's what you do when you're very good at what you do and very smart and very talented and probably not running scared like we talked about before, that he just feels like he can do whatever he wants.

[Alex Borstein]

That's what's, like, amazing. When we moved into the new offices after the show got re picked up, Seth was like, these are gonna be our new offices. And it was this huge, beautiful, like, moving from where we were in the Valley to mid Wilshire kind of area.

[Adam Carolla]

They were on Laurel Canyon in the

[Alex Borstein]

Valley next to 420 Pie Place.

[Adam Carolla]

4 and 20. 4 and 20 upstairs.

[Alex Borstein]

There's a lot of 420 going on.

[Adam Carolla]

And across the street from a gas station. And there they were in the. It was kind of humble. Not really the show business part of town.

[Alex Borstein]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they moved to the Miracle Mile in the middle of Wilshire. And it's amazing.

[Alex Borstein]

We showed up there to see what he'd picked out. We were all like, you're out of your fucking mind. Who do you think you are?

[Adam Carolla]

Cause it's huge.

[Alex Borstein]

You Liberace. You think this is a. This show is gonna be on? And he. He did. He was always super confident. He knew, I think, what he was capable of. People always ask me, did you know what Family Guy would be? And I say, no, but I think he did.

[Adam Carolla]

How did that come about? I mean, how did you guys first meet? Getting a little static here.

[Alex Borstein]

We met. I was working on Mad tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alex Borstein]

It was on Late Night on Fox. They were developing Seth show originally. They wanted to put segments of it on Mad tv. Yeah, exactly. And fortunately, Seth said no and kept it for himself. But the woman who had developed MADtv asked me if I would help and do voices for the pilot presentation. And I went and met Seth and looked at the pictures and said, oh, I. I do a sketch at Acme Comedy Theater. Have you heard of it? No. Well, I'm doing this piece there. I've referred to it as a piece.

[Shaun White]

Sure.

[Alex Borstein]

And I'm playing this character. I think the voice would be kind of funny for Lois. It's kind of based on our own. That was literally how it happened. I just did. So you had Lois annoying, slow, low voice. I did. And he said, that's really annoying and will take too long. Speed it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you.

[Alex Borstein]

Less annoying and I'll take it.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you use that voice to distract and annoy as a young person? Because I've found that when you mimic people in a not so flattering way, they go from neutral to super fucking pissed almost immediately. And one of the only times I was hit, I was hit by a stranger. Well, not a stranger, but not by one of my own parents. By a woman who was driving a Volvo that I was in the back of was me mimicking her voice. Did you get a lot of shit like doing teachers voices because you can't stop it. Right. I mean, if that's what's in you, if that's your ability.

[Alex Borstein]

Mostly I kept it to family, though, like my grandmother with the severe accent and my other cousin that lives in

[Adam Carolla]

Long island, who Lois is based on the Hungarian accent.

[Alex Borstein]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Give us a little taste of that.

[Alex Borstein]

Well, the Hungarian accent is also pretty much What I ripped off for Ms. Swan.

[Caller Kathleen]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

All the time. You want to have anybody respect you.

[Alex Borstein]

You want to keep your hair and

[Adam Carolla]

your shoes always looking very nice.

[Alex Borstein]

This way, when the Nazis come in,

[Adam Carolla]

they don't know you a Jew. You sound like Bougie.

[Alex Borstein]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just the craziest accents in the. In the world.

[Alex Borstein]

They all sound like they've sucked helium. Like my cousins that are there. I want to take you to this beautiful art museum.

[Adam Carolla]

It is very famous.

[Alex Borstein]

All of the very famous people are here in this one museum. And you. I don't know why, but they all sound.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they go up a couple of octaves. They're animated. It's sort of all.

[Alex Borstein]

I don't know why that is, though. Why is it all the same pitch?

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody told me once, and it struck a chord with me, that the Hungarians were some of the most just certain of communicative or whatever. I'll say the word. They're the storytellers of the world. They do more storytelling and more talking.

[Alex Borstein]

Whiners.

[Brian Bishop]

Oral tradition.

[Adam Carolla]

Oral tradition.

[Alex Borstein]

It's a nice way of saying it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, more so than, like, I don't know, Armenians. You know what I mean? There's just that tradition of doing a lot of stories, and my grandfather was very, very much, very much into that. Hey, Kathleen, 43, from San Diego.

[Caller Kathleen]

Hi.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? You have a son who wants to play some Pop Warner football?

[Caller Kathleen]

Well, yeah, his friends. He's only five. They start at, like, five or six.

[Adam Carolla]

No, the tackle football.

[Caller Kathleen]

No, they do flag football first.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Yeah. And then they get in a tackle like. I don't know.

[Caller Kathleen]

I was a swimmer, and my husband played football in high school, so it's all kind of new to me. But I get a lot of crap from people. He can't play football, and he'll get hurt. And, you know, my mom and my sisters and I just didn't know it

[Brian Bishop]

when you thought, this is where it starts. San Diego's gonna spread like, you see those viruses in the movies, spreading across the country.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I understand people's concern. A lot of head trauma. I still. You know, I think with any endeavor. I mean, we just had Shaun White in here, and a lot of guys break. They break a lot of bones snowboarding. But I think for Sean, it worked out pretty good. I think in almost any endeavor, there's going to be some downside. There just is. If you pick a sport that is completely without risk, there's probably not much reward in it either or.

[Alex Borstein]

My kid is 6, and I'm a huge Chicago Bears fan. Yes. Even this season. And what I have done is gotten him to be excited about the kicker, Robbie Gould. That guy's the most popular guy on the bus. He wins games, so I'm making him believe that. That's, like, the quarterback position.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Kicker.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Star. Yeah.

[Alex Borstein]

He'll take ballet. He's gonna. He's gonna kick it out.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll be a sidewinder. Hey, Kathleen.

[Caller Kathleen]

I mean, he swims. There's not much risk in that. And my daughter swims because I was a swimmer, so, yeah, I'm pursuing that.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never met anyone who was a swimmer that I liked that much, though, later in life.

[Caller Kathleen]

Aw.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. It just feels like there's too much exposure to chlorine and there's too much solo time.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What about fan of show and all around good person? Natalie Kaufman?

[Allison Rosen]

She's great. She's the expert. She proves the rule. No, because they always have. You have to work around their schedule

[Adam Carolla]

at the pool, and you're. No, but you're alone for hours at a time underwater.

[Caller Kathleen]

No. You're with your.

[Adam Carolla]

Look. Hold on. I've never met a professional cyclist that had a personality either. For that matter. Any endeavor where it's like it's going to be you in the mountain for 10 hours straight and nobody else, it's pretty much your personality starts to go, your thighs grow, but your personality doesn't.

[Alex Borstein]

Even one of Lance Armstrong's nuts left.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So fucking boring. He's like, you know what? I'm out of here. I'm blowing this taco stand. Oh, by the way, I shouldn't have said blow. Anyway, I'm leaving. Yep, Kathleen, you have. We'll give you a thumb. I would permit my child to play tackle football.

[Caller Kathleen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, look, there's negative that comes from it, and then there's positive that comes from it.

[Alex Borstein]

And let's be honest, most of the people who say, be careful. They're gonna get hurt, that's truly the. That's the voice of a narcissist who believes that kid is gonna excel to the point of continuing to do it through high school. Like they're five or six years old. Another kid weighs 30 pounds. Nothing's gonna happen. I. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I had the most severe injury I ever had in 11 years of playing tackle football when I was probably 10 or 11.

[Caller John from Seattle]

That was pop Warner.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was Pop Warner. I had an insane, freakish, severe injury.

[Alex Borstein]

A concussion.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that wouldn't count that.

[Alex Borstein]

What was it? What Was freakish.

[Adam Carolla]

It was freakish that I had a shoulder dislocation that was dislocated for four days. And it was freakish enough for. I remember when the dads cut my jersey off and stuff. And the dads took a look at me and they went, call an ambulance. Like, I'm not. We're not. They stopped the game. They took an early halftime. Like, they weren't moving me.

[Allison Rosen]

Why four days?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the way a boy's shoulder stays out of its socket for four days. And the thing about stuff coming out of socket is it's really excruciating. But normally, happily, it pops back pretty quick. But it's for the time it's out, it hurts a lot. The reason I got to four days out of socket was this. Day number one was playing football. And somewhere near halftime, it came out of socket and it was out. So I got in an ambulance and I went to the emergency room. And I remember very clearly being in the back of the ambulance and the speed bumps in the parking lots, probably not what they intended to them to do, but every time it went over a speed bump in the back of the ambulance, it was like, kajunk. And I was like, ah.

[Allison Rosen]

When your arms out of socket, can you move it?

[Brian Bishop]

I've seen Lethal Weapon, Adam. I'm pretty sure you can.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't move almost anything. Like, it is really weird. It's sort of like saying, oh, yeah, you know, the piece of rebar sticking out of your right side, why can't you use your left hand? You know? And it's like, because I'm writhing in pain.

[Alex Borstein]

Like, I just give you any advice.

[Adam Carolla]

They didn't really, you know, back in the day, they didn't really do that much of that kind of stuff.

[Alex Borstein]

Just like a fun dip.

[Adam Carolla]

I went to something. God, look. Ball peen hammer to the fucking temple. I would have taken, but I was just excruciating pain. So I went to the emergency room, and they went to the emergency room, and I think they shot it up with something. And then they tried. But the thing about the try on the shoulder that's out of socket, it. You pretty much get one try. You don't get a second try because after the first try, you're screaming, yelling, everyone get away from me. You get one shot. So they shot it up and they gave it one shot, and it didn't go back. So they taped my arm to me, and they sent me to go see an orthopedic surgeon the following morning. So this. This is day number two. And then when I went to the orthopedic surgeon's office, he shot it up and he gave it a shot. But you only get shot meaning, like,

[Allison Rosen]

they've mechanically tried to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they try to mechanically put it back. But again, you get one and then you can't after that.

[Alex Borstein]

It's, I think one of those dolls they used to have where it was like a string on the inside, you know, and you pull to get it back.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So he then taped it back to me, and he said, you gotta check into the hospital and you have to be put under because you can't do it when you're not under. Otherwise you need to be under general in order to get this thing back into place. So the next day I checked into a hospital and then spent the day in the hospital because I had to spend the day there. They're going to do it the following morning. Following morning, they got me down and they put it back into place. And so that's how it was out for four days.

[Alex Borstein]

And was it like, perfectly fine? Was it like Mr. Miyagi?

[Adam Carolla]

It was a little bit sore and had a cast for a number about four months. And thank God, they wanted to put a pin in it. And my mom was very holistic and probably couldn't afford pins, said, no, I don't want my son operated on and having a pin put in his shoulder when he's 10, you know. So I did not get a pin.

[Allison Rosen]

Why did they say. What did they say was necessary about a pin?

[Adam Carolla]

I think the guys who have the pins want to sell the pins. You know, number one. Number two was a pretty severe injury, and I think they thought that's what it would require.

[Allison Rosen]

But it's just interesting that she had the gumption, for lack of a better word, to insist on them not doing that. Like, I wonder what she thought she was.

[Adam Carolla]

She went to WebMD back there. Just back then, it was just a soup can with a yarn on it that went to a Jewish guy was in the yard, and he said, no, not such a good idea.

[Alex Borstein]

Pinch.

[Mark Norman]

Min.

[Adam Carolla]

Pinchman. He'll be fine.

[Alex Borstein]

You continued to play football after that injury?

[Adam Carolla]

I then, no, I think she said, my mom said, we'll go find another doctor, and we'll keep looking until we'll find a guy who doesn't want pins. And she found a guy who did not want pins. He wanted a big fat cat. And that big fat cast is what I got.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, it was cast or pin?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was. I think it was pin and a cast at some Point. But either way, a guy said, I can do this without surgery. And he did it without surgery. And the next year rolled around, and I said, I'm absolutely playing 100%. And my parents, as I've said in the book, it's the only stand they ever took. They were just like, listen, we're bad, but we're not that bad. Like, come on, you cannot play football because if you injure your shoulder again, it might not grow correctly. They're saying, your arm's not going to grow. You're going to, like, be deformed, you're going to have arthritis and blah, blah, blah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, think all the whacking you'll miss

[Adam Carolla]

out on right hand.

[Caller Kathleen]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, either way, I said, oh, no, no, I'm playing. And they said, no, no, no, you're not. And I said, fuck you. Yes, I am. And it was one of the few advantages to not having parents who raised you. Like, it wasn't like, well, mom made all those waffles for me growing up, and I guess I have to kind of respect her because I love her so much. I was like, fuck you. Fuck off. I'm playing.

[Alex Borstein]

What a beautiful story. Just in time for the holidays.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I told them to fuck themselves, and I went and played.

[Alex Borstein]

You can burn this podcast and give it as a holiday gift to your mom.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I never. I had concussions and other injuries, but that right shoulder never, never came out again.

[Alex Borstein]

But it is true that any of that can happen. My kids are 6 and 2 and they're jumping off of furniture. My little girl at age one already had a little concussion. Like, they mess themselves up no matter what.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so might as well do it and learn about camaraderie.

[Caller Kathleen]

True.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah. Tell you something my kids already learned about reverie.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Bed.

[Adam Carolla]

I love this thing.

Thing.

Don't call the bed. It's a sleep system. You can customize your firmness. You can sleep. Your wife can have one side, you can have another side. That they patented DreamCell technology makes the firmness customizable. And it is just awesome. I put that thing on vibrate and I just go. I just drift off. You can adjust the foundation. You can go into the zero gravity position where it lifts your back up and lifts. Lifts your feet up. You can go to the anti snore position. It's totally power, totally mechanical. I mean, just tilt it up, put on vibrate, watch the game, watch Alex's show, watch whatever. 888-888-5990. Or you can go to sleeplikeadam.com try it out. 101 nights, no risk trial. If you don't love it, send it back. Full refund. You will not. I guarantee you will not.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Please.

[Adam Carolla]

I challenge you. You get a Reverie bed and then tweet me and tell me you don't like it or it was a little disappointing.

[Brian Bishop]

The challenge has been issued.

[Adam Carolla]

A little disappointing. I challenge you to do that. Go to sleeplikeadam.com and check it out.

[Dawson]

Dawson Any Adam Caroll, a listener who calls Reverie to learn more and decides to purchase a Reverie sleep system or receive a $250 voucher for Reverie accessories. You must call to be eligible and specify that you're referred by Adam Carolla. Voucher cannot be applied to reduce the purchase price of sleep system.

[Adam Carolla]

Shall we do a little news? Allison Rosen. Yes, let's the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so we talked yesterday about the five Rams players that had their hands up showing solidarity for the Ferguson protesters. But what we didn't talk about was the St. Louis police officers association was upset that they did that, and they were urging the NFL to discipline the players. But the NFL has said that they're not going to be doing that. And a league spokesman said, quote, we respect and understand the concerns of all individuals who have expressed views on this tragic situation.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they can't do that. They can't discipline those guys.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But they do try to control their behavior.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they should, honestly.

[Allison Rosen]

You do?

[Adam Carolla]

I do, because I think it's the same way I feel about the guys. It's the same extension, in a bizarre way, of the pine tar all over the helmet of the guy who's playing baseball, which is, this is a uniform. This is a job. For this period of time, this is how you act. You're getting millions of dollars. Express yourself, everyone over Twitter, whatever. But during this period of time, you're in a weird way, you're sort of owned by the fans for these three hours. This is your job.

[Alex Borstein]

You have a good point.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thanks. My whole thing is like, I paid 50 bucks to get these tickets. I'm coming to the ball game. I see these guys come out. Now. I'm thinking about a dead kid. Like, do your job for these three hours. This is your gig. And then Go do whatever you want.

[Alex Borstein]

I feel like you make a really good point, and there are probably, like, hundreds of people who would be interested in listening to you tell them your viewpoint. Have you ever thought about that?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, should do like a podcast.

[Alex Borstein]

Yeah. Like talking about things you believe, Topical issues. Yeah, Topical things, like from the news, like this, for instance.

[Allison Rosen]

But like pulling no punches. Like really saying what you feel, telling it like it is.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if the world's ready for that.

[Brian Bishop]

No love lost. No love lost.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You could use whatever language you want. That's the thing about podcasts.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think that. I don't think that's a good idea.

[Alex Borstein]

Not for you.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I'm like Grandpa Carolla on this one. But I feel in team sports, when people are doing their individual thing, sometimes it's just dressing, sometimes it's whatever. But doing your own thing in the team, I don't want you doing your own thing amongst the team.

[Alex Borstein]

It's a performance. It's a piece of entertainment. It's millions of dollars a second for advertising. And you make a good point.

[Adam Carolla]

It's your job for that period of time. And then outside of your job, do what you like. But either way, I don't have super strong opinions about it. There's nothing the NFL or the Rams or whatever, they know. So if they discipline these guys, it's just gonna go into another round of God knows what and why get into it.

[Allison Rosen]

Issue is so heated. If it was anything else, I think they probably would get disciplined.

[Caller Kathleen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if a bunch of white guys wanted to stand with the law enforcement community, if Ferguson county were going and shooting off their hands like an old cowboy thing or something like that, they would get disciplined. Yeah, this is. This is.

[Alex Borstein]

This is a. I'm just imagining it would be funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, we're white. My dad's in law enforcement. He knows the heartache of shooting a guy. He knows what it's like. Let's just do the old Yosemite Sam thing. Who's with me? Come on, Gould, you're a kicker. Come on, let's go. We know we got the long snapper, the punter and the kicker on our hands. We got those guys at least. Yeah, I think there's a certain amount we would discipline guys in our league and do discipline guys in our league for many different infractions. Let's let this one. You know what I mean? There's enough. There's enough. And I understand that there's a politics there.

[Alex Borstein]

They're playing it exactly correctly is what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Let's not. Because I feel like there's a kind of a thing. Where do we want to get into round two? Because if we discipline this guy, then it's gonna be at the front of every newscast or whatever that we. And then we're gonna have to defend that, and then we're gonna have to explain that.

[Allison Rosen]

And then people are already really looking

[Adam Carolla]

at us in the process of explaining it. Someone's gonna say those people. And then we're gonna be fucked. And that's over. And people will be arguing in the locker room. Let's just let this one. It's the best. I really think the best move you can do is nothing.

[Mark Norman]

But it's true.

[Alex Borstein]

The NFL is already in some hot water for some other issues they don't want to.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but we were talking about. I was talking about this to Dr. Drew earlier in the week, which is our friend. My friend Bill Simmons from ESPN went and said some shit about Roger Goodell, the commissioner of football.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, how weird is it that I. That just happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're correcting me.

[Caller Kathleen]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And he went and ESPN suspended him. And it's like, come on, guys, just let it blow over, because you're gonna turn Bill into a martyr. You're gonna get a whole bunch of attention. You're gonna look like the assholes. You know what I'm saying? Like, in that case, the best thing ESPN could have done is went, all right, he talked a little shit. Now it's a new day. Move on. Instead you suspend it.

[Caller Kathleen]

Him.

[Adam Carolla]

Instead, he gets this bigger following. Now he becomes a martyr, you guys become assholes. You get on the wrong side of the topic, it looks like there's something to hide. Now you're on the wrong side of the issue. Now you're for spousal abuse, right? You're pro spousal abuse, exactly what it is. And that's what happens. And that's why it's best just to. Even if your impulse is like. And I'm sure the impulse is, fuck those guys. This is our team. We can't pull that. That's your impulse. And then go, now let's do nothing. And smart.

[Brian Bishop]

There's an actual term for this, Gary. You can look it up. I think it's called the Streisand effect. Do you guys know what this is? Where? There was a photographer, I think, who specialized in aerial photographs of coastal California, and he took a picture of a place in Malibu or whatever, Montecito. And he Got Barbra Streisand's house in it. And it was online, it was on his portfolio, Blah blah. But it only had like. Like 100, 200 views. Because it's just an aerial shot of a coastline. Barbra Streisand like filed suit against him or Ash make it down and made a huge stink all of a sudden. Thousands and thousands and thousands of views whereas no one would have ever known it was her house.

[Shaun White]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

This is pretty much it.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And became a thing because she brought attention to it by making an issue where there's no issue.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Right.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So that's a. Don't. Don't shine the light where it's not needed.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. There you go. Let's try Santa Fe.

[Caller Kathleen]

Because she.

[Alex Borstein]

Lord knows she doesn't want anyone to. To look at her or know her name.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yep.

[Alex Borstein]

She wants an anonymous.

[Brian Bishop]

Very, very private.

[Allison Rosen]

See, I thought the Streisand effect was gonna be the perception that she's like the big person picking on the little guy. Cuz it's just this little photographer. And that made me think of something involving Bruce Springsteen. Which is. I have a friend who wrote for Rolling Stone years ago and he. I don't.

[Caller Kathleen]

I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

I would bet Lynette knows this. If you don't know his wife is the biggest Springsteen fan ever. But I think there were like little record shops that were selling SP bootlegs and he sued them or took some kind of action and looked like a bad guy in the process.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's never.

[Brian Bishop]

It's probably his manager. But he looked like the piece of shit.

[Adam Carolla]

One should always weigh these things out and don't do it in the. Never go. But I'm right. Just go. Where are we at in Damageville and where we gonna be in Damageville? And whether you're. That or I think Drew was talking about like Bill Cosby's attorney doing a bunch of stuff. It's just.

[Brian Bishop]

Let it go.

[Adam Carolla]

Let it go. Don't say anything. Because when you don't say anything like it's. It's literally. Life can be sort of like an argument. Just stop arguing back and it will go away.

[Alex Borstein]

Just don't show up at high noon.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Alex Borstein]

That's my motto. Stay home.

[Adam Carolla]

Stay home. Hey. Ted. Too. What's going on?

[Alex Borstein]

I'm not in it. You know, Garmin and I were. Ralph Garmin and I were the parents of Mark Wahlberg. But you know, it would have to be a prequel. It would have to be a prequel

[Adam Carolla]

for us to be in this or because it moves.

[Brian Bishop]

They were the parents of a young

[Alex Borstein]

little Marky Mark. And now. It wouldn't make any sense unless it was a prequel.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Alex Borstein]

Because I think. But that's what America is like. Fuck that bear. Fuck Mark Wahlberg. Those parents in the kitchen. That's your fucking movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I guess Seth hates money. That's all I can think of. Yeah, he's mad at money.

[Alex Borstein]

Although Ralph and I have toyed with the idea. We should actually pitch it and pitch something.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you should shoot the deleted scene and put it up on YouTube.

[Alex Borstein]

Something really ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Allison. Sorry.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Where were we?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, speaking of Bill Cosby, he resigned from his position at Temple University. From his position on the board of trustees. He said, I've always been proud of my association with Temple University. I have always wanted to do what would be in the best interest of the university and its students. As a result, I have tendered my resignation from the Temple University Board of Trustees. Then the Temple University, they released their own statement and said, the board of Trustees accepts Dr. Cosby's resignation from the board and thanks him for his service to the university.

[Adam Carolla]

So they must have told him that he can either resign or he's going to get shit canned on Monday, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I wondered about that.

[Alex Borstein]

I just thought it was wonderful, coincidental timing, like he. It was too much.

[Allison Rosen]

I think we're conspiracy theorists looking into it.

[Alex Borstein]

Was thinking of. He was actually thinking of doing this anyway. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why would you need to resign from something that you weren't really doing anyway?

[Alex Borstein]

Does he have to give back his doctor title then? Wouldn't that be funny?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that would be nice.

[Allison Rosen]

He got demoted. He lost his honorary license.

[Alex Borstein]

We call him Private Cosby now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're busting you down to private appeal those potatoes that used to be punishment, Nurse Cosby. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't exactly know how someone acts if they're innocent versus guilty. And it's probably dangerous to read into it, but I don't think he acts like someone who didn't do anything. There's a lot of negative. But he's not helping himself.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you what. I've said this a million times. Like, if I. If Lynette and I just got separated, and then I went and shot a round of golf. And then me and my house. Housemate were going off to LAX to fly to Chicago, and I found her with her head cut off. And I flew back from Chicago and they all came to me and went, hey, man, we know you cut her head off. The appropriate Reaction would be, you guys are fucking nuts. I'm gonna own this entire town when I'm done suing all you guys for what you're doing to my reputation. And I cannot wait until the videotape comes out or the guy guy sobers up and admits to the crime, or they find the DNA evidence and it has none of mine on it. I mean, you fucking assholes couldn't be more wrong. And by the way, let me take a lie detector test. Where's the lie detector test? Let me add, would never be like a somber. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion.

[Brian Bishop]

Talk to my lawyer.

[Adam Carolla]

Now is not the time to rush to judgment. I would be like an insane. No fucking way. Hook me up. Keep that camera rolling. Somebody shoot me. Shoot me up with sodium pental and hook me up to that fucking no lie mri. Let's do it right here. Let's do it right now. Because I'll tell exactly where I was that entire fucking night.

[Allison Rosen]

Then would you be sad?

[Adam Carolla]

Then when I failed miserably, I'd go, all right, well, it was worth a try.

[Alex Borstein]

He said they were separated.

[Adam Carolla]

We've been separated. Yeah. And she was seeing someone else, so it's like we'd moved on. But the point is, that's the appropriate reaction. Adam Carolla.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

In your 20s, you roofied Alex Borstein and had sex with her in your kitchen of your apartment when she was cussing you out, she told you to fuck off. I'd be like, okay, that once. But that was the only incident. No, no. It would be a long list of, that person is a liar. I shall sue that person. I want that person. I would say more about it, but I'm countersuing and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Alex Borstein]

I would with agree with you. But what happens is, especially if you're a person of De Niro, you have lawyers and people telling you to shut up and telling you not to say anything because anything can be misquoted, anything can be taken out of context. Your sound bite isn't gonna be your beginning, middle, and end. They're gonna take the one word, and that's, you know, so you're told to shut up and not say anything. So you don't have the ability to do that anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

But the. What Allison is saying, and I believe is true, is then if I was contacted by Temple University, for me, it'd be La Valley College. Be a junior College.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that Dr. Carolla?

[Alex Borstein]

They have phones?

[Adam Carolla]

No, they have pigeons. I'd be contacted via carrier pigeon?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that? The board of trustees. It's literally a board that you guys have that you put your bong on. What? I don't have to. What? Just because I was put on academic probation in 1987 does not mean I should be tossed off this board.

[Alex Borstein]

Well, I agree with you once again, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

I think what Alison is saying. What Alison is saying, and I agree is he would be saying, this is insane. These people are trying to destroy my life. If you're Bill Cosby and you did nothing, you would go, oh, no, you're not. I mean, you're not gonna have this person at age, you know, late in life, destroy my reputation, get me kicked off these boards. When I was home that night, I would just.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I mean, I'm hastened how Sanduski handled it. Yes. Yeah, he gave interviews and stuff.

[Alex Borstein]

It was like, this is crazy. I loved those little boys.

[Adam Carolla]

And he did little things. Which is like one of those things where it's like. Like, yeah, I may have touched a boy or two, you know, this is years apart, you know, inappropriately. But, I mean, there'd be five, eight years in between my inappropriate touch here, sleepovers or whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

And it's like himself, no favor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like there's not really a dimmer switch on pedophilia. Like, it's either on or it's off. I don't think like. Like a dusting touch of it. I'll go for a little pedophilia. I'll go for. I'll go for a nine year old. Once in a while I've got a hankering for it, but not all, you know, maybe once or twice a year.

[Brian Bishop]

Little goes a long way with that pedophilia.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the bullion cubes. Nine year olds concentrate. If you are a dude who is not into that, you have nothing to do with it. In even the most remote.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's not a spectrum.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a spectrum disease. You're not into it. And if you're into it, you're very much into it.

[Alex Borstein]

But if Temple University says to him, we're gonna fire you unless you do, you know, that'll look even worse for his punishment. Public Persona. He's, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So he.

[Alex Borstein]

Look, I think the guy drugged and diddled everyone who says he did. I mean, why. Why would someone come Forward in their 70s with that information if. If.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, well, there's so many people that have come forward right at this point, and there doesn't seem to be anyone who's saying this isn't true.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's just sort of a combination of let sleeping dogs lie or leave them alone or. That was a long time ago.

[Alex Borstein]

Let's sleeping women sleep deeply.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So I can have sex with them.

[Alex Borstein]

I think that's what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. So Black Friday.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is everything black with you? First it's the Rams players, then it's Cosby, now it's fucking Friday. Can you work some Caucasian news into this?

[Brian Bishop]

Seriously?

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. I don't mean to sound like your ex boyfriend, but for Christ's sake, if I can see a fucking some blonde hair once in a while.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. The story takes place in Banana Republic. Go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Black Friday weekend sales are down or were down well because now there's Black Friday, Small business Saturday, something Cyber Monday. I don't know what Sunday is.

[Brian Bishop]

Today is Giving Tuesday.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it is, it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Alex Borstein]

It doesn't. There's no, there's no flair to that name at all, is there? Giving Tuesday.

[Allison Rosen]

No, no, there's not even alliteration.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody needed to get Don King in on this one and give it a fucking name.

[Brian Bishop]

Spice it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the notion and kind of like, look, a bargain is fantabulous, but aren't we living in the world of bargains now with the Internet?

[Allison Rosen]

Every day is a bargain. So the notion of like spam emails

[Adam Carolla]

I get cutting out of your house on Thanksgiving evening around 6ish, to get down to the Target at Fell Gardens and wait in line.

[Alex Borstein]

I think it's for women. It's there instead of turning on a game and not having to talk to family. I think it's their version of that. It's, it is sports, it is sportsmanlike, get out there, get the best deal, push, shove, tackle and not communicate with family.

[Caller Kathleen]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean it's flying in the face of everything that is Thanksgiving that you're leaving your family in the middle of the night. Or Thanksgiving, by the way, after the, you know, four slices of pecan pie and the 17 beers. I couldn't imagine a worse fate than getting up at 4:15 to head to the Target the next morning. Like, I just couldn't imagine that.

[Alex Borstein]

The waste that wants out of your body the next day. Oh my God, you're in a public toilet every, every half an hour at Nordstrom.

[Adam Carolla]

I also feel like somewhere during the year there's a 42 inch plasma television with your name on it that you can get at a bargain basement price. It's not like, well, well, soon as Black Friday passes all the Television sets go up into triple, you know, five digits. You know, you can still find a $399 TV set out there. And just because this one is $299 for that day, what is your time and dignity worth?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's one of the theories as to why spending fell, and it fell 11% from last year, and the number of people shopping fell 5.2% from last year. But one of the theories as to why is because a lot of the big retailers were pushing out discounts as early as Halloween.

[Adam Carolla]

And I think it's going. People are going online, right?

[Alex Borstein]

I think it's that, like, everyone has one. Everything in the world, everyone has already purchased one of. We're done.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what.

[Caller John from Seattle]

It.

[Adam Carolla]

What It's. It's everything except for this. People decided to focus on what's really important in life, and that's the family. And you can't put a price on that. I'll guarantee you it is. Every single thing but that. Right?

[Alex Borstein]

Agreed.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

The terrorists are right. Let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosenz. A bit cunt.

[Dawson]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Caller Kathleen]

Ah.

[Adam Carolla]

Lifelock Ultimate. Lifelock ultimate. Plus. You are gonna get your identity stolen, people. That is the new cybercrime. It's actually just the new crime. There used to be car stereos and hubcaps and TV sets. And it's funny that TV sets got stolen when TV sets were huge and heavy.

[Brian Bishop]

Now they're semi portable.

[Adam Carolla]

Now they're perfect for stealing. You can slide two under your arm and scamper down like a gazelle. They used to steal them when they were 28 inches deep and, like, huge.

[Alex Borstein]

It took two people to two people

[Adam Carolla]

to steal a TV. And now that they're ripe for stealing, no one steals them anymore. Now it's identity theft. That's what people are doing, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the Better Business Bureau says that names and email addresses stolen and the massive Home Depot data breach are showing up in people's emails saying they have money coming from a dead relative. And the point is to get them to give them their bank info so they can supposedly deposit the money.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so they're going after their own sense of wanting to get their money from their family. All right, well, the point is, you won't get this done if you get yourself a little lifelock Ultimate. Plus, my kids have it. You need it. It protects your identity. Helps with the bank and the retirement accounts, credit cards, even home equity. And look, it's 2014. We're knocking on the door of 2015 people. It is LifeLock Ultimate. Dawson.

[Dawson]

Visit LifeLock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership. That's promo code [e-mail] to get a special 10% discount. LifeLock.com network does not cover all transactions.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. You're going to be doing a lot of shopping around the holidays because click through the [e-mail], put a little wind in the sails of the pirate ship. Also us live Anaheim Grove coming up December 11th. And then Agoura Hills Canyon Club December 12th. We'll do the live podcast there. Come on out, say hi, take a knee is out there. It's available. Little motivational podcast. You can go to amcroll.com app I want to thank Sean White. He's got his event. I think I'll take the kids of this at the Rose bowl Aaron style February 21st and 22nd. If you're out here in Los Angeles, way Alex Boorstein getting on Sundays 10:30 on HBO and website alexboorstein.com Alex, come back and visit us whenever you damn please.

[Alex Borstein]

I will. Thanks for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Always a good time. So until next time, Sam Carolla for Sean White, Alex Boorstein, Allison Rosen and Ball Brian.

[Mark Norman]

Say it.

[Adam Carolla]

Mahalo.

[Alex Borstein]

That bear, Mark wahlberg.

[Giovanni]

All right, that was Adam Croll Show 1466. Coming next we have Adam Croll Show 1472 featuring Mark Norman, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

O'reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, man, o'reilly. Love these guys. Gonna get into it with o'reilly because I got a car race coming up in about six or seven weeks since time for prep. You want to keep your car on the road, you do it with O'Reilly. There's not many issues I can't figure out, but if I can't, I always go to O'Reilly. They've got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or online. So you never worry if you're in a jam. They'll also test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly, right? Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today

[Dawson]

or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam Good day.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison Rose. Hello, Adam Carolla and bald Brian.

[Dawson]

Adam Carolla is the douchiest douche that ever douched.

[Brian Bishop]

The real Nitzilla wanted that on Twitter. Said in honor of the douchebag who cut it. Oh, no. Ran a red light in front of him earlier tonight. Use the hashtag Top Dropper. Made me think I'm seeing a lot more of people making that. I think they call. I should have looked it up. The Boston left, or whatever it's called, where the light turns green and they jam out in front of you and make a left turn like they jump the light.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Extremely dangerous, but I see a lot more of that. Brazen.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good until you run into

[Giovanni]

it's

[Adam Carolla]

good until you run into a version of yourself that's in the lead going the other direction that's in a big hurry. In which case we got a big impact, in which case you will. They will not need to get out the magnet board with the little miniature cars in court to figure out just who was at fault there. You will be all at fault there. All right, so some good news.

[Brian Bishop]

The Pittsburgh left, at least Pittsburgh left on Wikipedias. The Pittsburgh left.

[Adam Carolla]

I, you know, Seth MacFarlane throws the best parties ever because he's got the 28 piece orchestra and he sings and blah, blah, blah. And I've been invited to probably the last three Christmas ones and have always had a gig that fucking night. And as it turns out, we have a gig Thursday.

[Brian Bishop]

We do.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a gig Friday night. But Saturday night I shall be there getting my fucking booze on. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

A special kind of likable person to be able to throw a party where you say you're not, you're not a performer, you're not a singer, you do the singing and everyone loves it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, he is, I mean, he

[Brian Bishop]

is, I'm saying Celine Dion put on a party and did the singing. Everyone would be like, oh, but like, you know, Seth mc, someone other than Seth, was like, I'll be doing the singing. Like, okay, all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's back. He's a little higher up the singing food chain than you think. He's done some albums. He done lots of shows and does that kind of stuff. But even way back in the day when he was just mid fair to Midland successful Seth MacFarlane, he would still sit over that Steinway and entertain all the ladies.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess what I'm trying to say is what if you threw a party and you're like, I'll Be doing the stand up. I'll be providing the entertainment for tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can do it.

[Brian Bishop]

You're very good at it. It's a little self aggrandizing.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

But it takes a special kind of likable guy to pull it off.

[Adam Carolla]

I concur. And it's one of my bucket lists. I have the jump into the body of water with a knife in my mouth. I mean, it's not just doing it. It's the necessity I have to do it. You know, I want to go out on stage and have a cape removed from me. I want to be at some really nice, star studded, well attended cocktail party in the hills and be begged to play something on the piano. Just, you know. No, come on, I'm over here. I'm talking to George Clooney. Please, please, would you play just one song on the piano? Right, yeah, that would be a nice.

[Brian Bishop]

And everyone be in unison. Be like, yeah, come on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

It's a.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of. It's a Dudley Moore Arthur kind of thing. Or a 10, not Arthur in 10. I think Dudley Moore was dragged to the piano and forced to play versus get away from the karaoke mic, which is what I get.

[Allison Rosen]

You know what?

[Adam Carolla]

I actually think no one wants to hear Harold's for Children Aldrin.

[Allison Rosen]

A nightmare holiday party would be the one where Celine Dion is going to do the singing. When Celine Dion throws a party and she's gonna perform, I don't think that'd be fun.

[Brian Bishop]

I just use that. An example of someone who would be justified, I suppose.

[Alex Borstein]

I know.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just thinking about your example and it causes me to shudder.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to think.

[Brian Bishop]

If she did holiday songs, I'd be fine with it.

[Allison Rosen]

I just feel like she'd perform for like four and a half hours.

[Brian Bishop]

If she did Celine Dion songs.

[Allison Rosen]

I might have to go to the bathroom. And you wouldn't want to cross the stage too far close to her.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you couldn't have it where she was gonna perform. And you couldn't get up and eat or pour yourself another drink.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's how it would be. You know that.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, that's what Celine does.

[Allison Rosen]

That is how she does.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you say four and a half, you round down, baby. All right. So that I shall be looking for. Looking forward to the thing I wanted to play for you guys now, something I hadn't done in a. I don't think we've ever done the cranky anchors with the Wu Tang Clan. But you know how your memory Spotty. At least mine is. I had RZA come in here a few moments ago.

[Brian Bishop]

The rza.

[Adam Carolla]

The rza. And I guess, you know, it's one of those things where you go, oh, you think you know somebody, but you don't. Very thoughtful guy, very introspective guy, very interesting guy. But you'd think he's the Wu Tang Clan, so he's not going to be. But he's completely different than you'd think. But I was doing a little one on one long form with him and I thought we did a Crank Yankers with the Wu Tang, but we didn't do Crank Yankers with the Wu Tang Clan. We did Crank Yankers with Dave Chappelle as the manager of the Wu Tang Clan. Now, how come I didn't remember that? Well, Dave Chappelle wasn't really Dave Chappelle back then. And it doesn't. I'm over 2 with my African American superstars. I got Kerry Washington and now Dave Chappelle.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, but also, you could meet someone yesterday and you wouldn't know them today.

[Adam Carolla]

What'd she say?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I agree, I'm that way. But no, if you meet somebody who's the star of your favorite show that you remember, but if you don't, if they're not anything when you meet them, then they're not anything. And then they don't get etched in. And then later on someone has to explain that. David Alan Grier has explained. Oh, Kerry Washington, she's a big fan of yours. Remember after the show you came backstage and I introduced you to, and she said, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like, I have no memory of it, but, oh, now I remember. I met a person. That person became this person. That person was that person. It just didn't become it in my brain. And that way, it didn't go down that way. So Dave Chappelle was booking the Wu Tang Clan at a bed and breakfast. And you just have to, he's shaven, which is, I guess, one of the Klansmen. I mean, Wu Tang. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

Don't say, you can say.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, the point is this. As I look back at this thing, we would call people randomly, but we could not go to central casting and find a wider, more uptight woman to run the bed and breakfast that the Wu Tang Clan was going to try to be booked at. I'll play it for you. Gary will play it. You don't need to see it. You can listen to it if you're at Home.

[Caller Kathleen]

Good evening. This is Reba May.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Reba May. How you doing? I need to make a reservation. I'm gonna need about 12 rooms.

[Caller Kathleen]

12 rooms? You must have a whole lot of people coming.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, we on tour. We got everybody.

[Caller Kathleen]

Well, that's fantastic. Who are you with?

[Adam Carolla]

The Wu Tang? We got. We got Method man, rza, the Jizza, Old Dirty Bastard, Inspector Dick, you God, Ghost Face Killer, Raekwon the Chef. Everybody's there. You down with this?

[Caller Kathleen]

Well, I tell you what, sir, I wished I could help you, but I'm not big enough for that.

[Adam Carolla]

For 12 rooms.

[Caller Kathleen]

No, I only have two rooms.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take that. That sounds good. Just so long as we can fit the girls in there with us. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller Kathleen]

Who am I speaking to again, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this shaving S H a V I n like I'm shaving my face neat.

And you're a rock group or straight hip hop?

Yo, from the streets. Hardcore real deal weed smokers, you know what I'm saying?

[Caller Kathleen]

My daughters probably know this. I have a daughter who teaches swing.

[Adam Carolla]

She knows Wu Tang.

Teaches swing.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yeah, but first of all, I'm alcohol free and smoke free.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's straight, man. We smoke outside.

[Caller Kathleen]

I can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, you got turntables and microphones.

[Caller Kathleen]

I don't have that. I have an old. An old 70s record player.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll work.

[Caller Kathleen]

Okay. Where are you performing?

[Adam Carolla]

Excuse me, ma'. Am. Excuse me one second.

[Caller Kathleen]

No problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yo, shut the up, man. I'm on the telephone.

[Caller Kathleen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Excuse me, ma'. Am.

[Caller Kathleen]

Well, I'm not quite sure that I can totally fit your needs.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, I understand that, but y' all do keep it real over there, right?

[Caller Kathleen]

You mean like a movie real?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, like, some people is fake. Y. Y' all are real, right?

[Caller Kathleen]

Yeah, you're right. We're not fake. We're real.

[Adam Carolla]

No doubt. You. You. You know rap music at all?

[Caller Kathleen]

No, I'm afraid I don't. I like rap. Particularly Christian rap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we could do that, too. We do all that. I bust Christian rhymes. Whatever you want to hear, Just so long as I'm practicing. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller Kathleen]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I understand that.

[Adam Carolla]

If you want, I could even write a rap about your bed and breakfast.

[Caller Kathleen]

That's cool, but I really. I really gotta think on this. And unfortunately, I have to leave pretty soon. I have. I'm gonna work with some kids, little kids at the church tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Tell the kids I say God bless from the Wu Tang.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, Aunt Reba's B and B. I'm down. It's you and me all the way from New York to Washington D.C. to Iowa. All the way I go.

[Caller Kathleen]

Let me check with my husband and make sure he's. He's willing to give up his bed. Okay. And I guess the only concern I have is that we don't want to have some kind of, like I said, a lot of parties and a lot of ladies coming and going.

[Adam Carolla]

You want me all to yourself.

[Caller Kathleen]

That's right. That's absolutely right.

[Adam Carolla]

I know how it is on Reba. I'm sexy like this.

[Caller Kathleen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Wu Tang.

[Caller Kathleen]

All right. Thanks a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, peace. I'm out.

[Caller Kathleen]

Peace. Bye.

[Brian Bishop]

That worked.

[Adam Carolla]

When she did the neat, that was my favorite part. I have a daughter who teaches swing now. You can't. You couldn't write for that, right? You couldn't write any more. Tight.

[Allison Rosen]

She likes Christian rap.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's great. She's like, I like rap. Christian rap. Like, you gonna write for that? Oh, my God. I have not seen that thing in, God, 10 years. Anyway, RZA on Take a Knee. You can [e-mail] Very interesting. Dude. And I just totally forgot Chappelle. I forgot Wu Tang was on as well. I'll tell you what you shouldn't forget. Man crates, baby. Oh, yeah. Good gifts. Good gifts for guys this year. Mancrates.com makes it easy. All the stuff the guys love, and you put it all in a crate, and they got the jerky one, and they got the video games one, and they got the team logos and the beer glasses, and they're all in wooden crates and they come with a crowbar to pry it off. It's cool, substantial. It's neat. Yeah.

[Caller Kathleen]

Neat.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I find it to be neat neat. Yeah. It's a great gift for all the guys out there. They got the whiskey drinkers one, the bacon lovers one. Everyone loves bacon. The football fans 1. Laser egg etched names into the pint glasses. Just customized stuff in a cool crate with a crowbar. And it's one of those. Well, you know you're doing good when you get the man crate. Mancrates.com Adam Right. Now find the perfect gift for the guy on your list. That's mancrates.com Adam Neat. Mark Norman, comedian, is our guest. He's here. We'll bring him in in a couple of few. All right, so first, a little change of plans. And I blame Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

What the heck did I do? Was it arbitrarily blamed, or am I to Blame.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think this is pretty scientific.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Adam Carolla]

You said five days ago, when I said Leno was coming out on stage with us in Anaheim, he said, it'll be nice to. To share the stage with Jay Leno.

[Brian Bishop]

We're looking forward to that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's when you fucking ruined it.

[Brian Bishop]

I really did.

[Allison Rosen]

Thanks, Brian. Great going.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry. Not just to you two, but to everyone here and all the listeners, too.

[Adam Carolla]

So tell me what you guys think. So I talked to Jay today, and he went, oh, you mean today, tomorrow, this Thursday? And I said, yeah, this Thursday. Never a good sign, by the way, when someone. Because the word after this Thursday is never fantastic. It's always, I'm going to San Francisco on a corporate gig. I thought you were talking about next Thursday. And I said, no, it's this Thursday. And he said, all right, well, I'll just do it next Thursday. And I said, we're not going to be anywhere next Thursday. I don't quite wrap his mind around the whole thing. Either way.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway. Yes, go ahead. I was just going to say, I got a plan, but go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. I had this exact same experience my freshman year of college where our first day was dance thing for a fraternity. I decided to ask the prettiest girl on the floor. Just a brazen ask. Cause she didn't know her. She didn't know me. Aside from passing each other in the halls a couple times, I think I stunned her into saying yes because she

[Caller John from Seattle]

didn't know who I was.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm like, hey, you want to go to this thing? She's like, okay, sounds good.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And then like a week later, a couple days before, a thing like, hey, are you excited about Thursday? She's like, Thursday? I thought it was same thing.

[Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what I got. Except for he meant, I think that

[Allison Rosen]

Jay actually wanted to do this show.

[Carvana Advertiser]

He did?

[Adam Carolla]

No. If I would have told him, it's all right, forget about this Thursday. A week from Thursday, come on down. He's all down for it, but. So I thought to myself, all right, what the fuck? Talked about him coming. First I talked about Bill Simmons coming on the show now I talked about Jay Leno coming on the show now. I don't know who Mike August has coming on the show, but I said, we gotta get something with Jay Leno. So I said, all right, Jay, you owe us big time and we gotta do something. So I said, maybe we can Skype you in. What time's your corporate gig in San Francisco? And he Said, I don't know. And I said. And I talked to him today, and he said, you guys, starting at 4:00', clock, I think we can work this out. I said, no, It's a nighttime 8 o' clock live. I was unable to convey the difference between the in studio versus the live version, because I told him, the studio we start about 4 o'.

[Mark Norman]

Clock.

[Adam Carolla]

So he was like, I think I can make it. Now it's eight o'.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Clock.

[Allison Rosen]

He would have been somewhat shocked to find a packed theater, it sounds like.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, I told him, well, either way, I feel terrible. All right, so you jinxed it.

[Caller Kathleen]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

So I said this. Now you guys tell me what you think. I said, all right, well, we got to do something. He said, fine, and we'll try to do something. I said, can I come to your shop? And can we. I want to do a full tour of the shop, and I want to bring a camera crew and video. I want to put something up. And he said, fine. Here's what I'm going to propose. I'm going to propose trying to think of which way to look on this one. Brian, you don't know anything about cars, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I know a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

And I know a little.

[Adam Carolla]

A little less than Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I feel like I might know. She might know about as much, maybe more.

[Adam Carolla]

I said this. Everyone knows he's got 200 cars. He has the V12s, he has the V16s, and then he's got a bunch of four cylinders, and he has everything in between. And I said to him, when I talked to him the other day, I said, how many cylinders do you own?

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And he went, I don't know, because that car's got 12, and that car's got 16, and that car's got 4. So that's three cars and 20 something cylinders, whatever it is. And I said, I want to go. I want to go. I want to do a game where I. We just plow through the thing. You go, 8, 8, 4, 12, 12, 16, 4, 12, 16, 4. And we're gonna tally it up. And I said, we'll put a counter on the bottom of the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

We do an over under, like a guessing type of thing, like how many jelly beans.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll bring people up. We'll bring like three people up on stage. And if you will do something, like if you can get between over under a Lamborghini Countach 12 cylinder, I'll give you 5,000 bucks. We'll figure out a way to make it up to the people but it'll be the first Jay Leno cylinder ever. Well, he has huge. He has, like, huge steam tractors that probably have one cylinder. And then he has little cars that have 16 or smallish sports cars that might have 12 or 16, so it's not really the size of the Whatever. And then he has the tank car, which is a turbine car with a tank engine, and that's no cylinder.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So that counts as a zero.

[Brian Bishop]

Steam.

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't know why, but I've now. I've Now I'm on a man on a mission.

[Allison Rosen]

So you have to find out how many.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta know how many.

[Brian Bishop]

This is just within the walls of this warehouse. Because I'm sure he has cars elsewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Not really. But you say this warehouse, we're talking about a cluster five.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Within the compound, whatever it is, we

[Adam Carolla]

can see with our eye. Whatever we spot, we're gonna plow through it. And we're gonna have to speed it up at some point and we'll start counting for maybe the first 20. But then we're gonna have to take the ticker off, and that's the time to get the votes in because we can't go all the way through and figure it out. But it's interesting. I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Huh? Yeah, it is interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think anyone's ever done it

[Brian Bishop]

as a gambling man. I would like to see how that turns out.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you may be in the running, but I feel like as a consolation to those who bought a ticket, we ought to find three people, bring them on up, and do like, a Price is Right kind of thing. That sounds fun.

[Brian Bishop]

When are you doing the counting?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm doing the counting Thursday morning.

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

And the show will be. Okay, so we'll have the answer right there. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll have the answer that night because once we film it, somebody's gonna have to sit there with a calculator. When Jay says 8, 8v10v12, you know, someone's gonna have to. We're not gonna be able to do it in real time. I don't think we're going to have to just capture it, speed it up, slow it down. Still trying to figure it out a little bit. Skip some bits. Yes. That will be starting tomorrow in the a.m. and then we'll have it edited and ready to go for the.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a great idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's better than the Skype not working.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Yes, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

As somebody mentioned, I don't think he knows how to work a cell phone, so good luck with The Skype. So we'll have.

[Brian Bishop]

How about this idea? You're a car guy. How about a pop quiz right now? Me and Allison. Because there's no time to study that way. It's not tomorrow or the next day. Just a couple questions. It could be about car history, could about car parts. And I'm not saying I probably will lose, but I'm curious to know who does know more about cars.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's find out.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we'll start something pretty basic. I guess the Ferrari emblem is. What?

[Caller John from Seattle]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

I know the answer to this.

[Allison Rosen]

I think I know the answer to this.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, how do we do this? So it's fair, or is it back and forth?

[Adam Carolla]

I think we'll try a little something called dignity.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a horse.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a horse rearing up.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys got the horse thing good.

[Brian Bishop]

Baseline.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it a mustang?

[Adam Carolla]

Actually, no, it's just a palomino. Just a horse.

[Brian Bishop]

Italian horse.

[Adam Carolla]

The. It's kind of palomino. E. Ish.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's Italian horse.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Let's see. Porsche is front engine, mid engine or rear engine?

[Allison Rosen]

I think. I guess.

[Brian Bishop]

My guess is front engine because. Oh, no. Yeah. No, I. Wait, sorry. Rear engine. The front is the trunk.

[Adam Carolla]

The front is the trunk. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

The front is the boot.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it's rear.

[Caller Kathleen]

Wait, no.

[Allison Rosen]

This is where the engine is. I was thinking rear wheel drive. Oh, it's rear wheel drive. Well, see, now. Now I'm being. I'm being influenced by Brian, because I don't actually know. Except. Yeah, I feel like I need to be honest and say I don't actually know. I'm tempted to say that it's in

[Brian Bishop]

the rear because you want that closest to the wheels.

[Adam Carolla]

There's some 928s and some 944s. There's examples of front engine, but it's a rear engine car that is. That's a air cooled engine. But give an example of the most popular automobile known for an air cooled engine.

[Brian Bishop]

Allison, do you have a guess? This is a specific model.

[Shaun White]

Every.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, every. Every car. Every car for the last hundred years has been water cooled.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But there's a. One of arguably the most popular cars was air cooled.

[Brian Bishop]

Interesting. My guess would be pretty.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And my guess is the Model T. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Volkswagen Bug vw. That's why they use. That's why they have those big heads. That's why they'll use them for little light aircraft and stuff like that. Say air cooled motor.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you both Know nothing. You ready to move forward?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

We tied. Good job there.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I was saying you can venture. I thought you were going to venture a cylinder cap bet right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, I want. I mean, I'd have to say it'd

[Adam Carolla]

be nothing but pride because as an employee of Adam Carolla network, you would not be in the run eligible. But I would ask you. I will give you both a. Post it right now. You shall write your number down.

[Brian Bishop]

Can we at least know how many cars approximately he has?

[Adam Carolla]

I do not know. You will fold that up and bring it with you to the show tonight and we'll open it on stage.

[Allison Rosen]

How about that?

[Adam Carolla]

I would say as a. As a. As a guessing man, and as is purely a guess, I would say about 150 to 200 cars. That would be the guess that I would make. All right, so write it down, don't tell us, and we'll do that. All right, let's see. So we'll start at line one. Paul.

[Allison Rosen]

Paul.

[Adam Carolla]

Paul. Hey, 25. What's going on, man?

[Caller John from Seattle]

Hey, first I just want to say, big fan of Bald and baldywood. Big fan of Allison and Allison. And is it me or everyone?

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Yeah, just a quick question. If you could just give us like a brief time frame of how the show gets made. You know, from soup to nuts. How long does that process and what goes into, you know, getting from, you know, the inception, you know, getting the Biff set, to walking out the door for the listener. How long does it take for us to hear that through that process?

[Brian Bishop]

Do you mean the Daily show or like creating a podcast? You mean the Daily show, right?

[Caller John from Seattle]

I'm talking. Yeah, just in and out on the Daily show scheduling. I know a lot goes into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, less than you'd probably think. Now, it's a weird thing because I always say I don't do any prep, but on the other hand, I do a sort of 24 hour slow drip prep, which is, as I tell you all the time, I carry around a pen and a buck slip and anything that catches my eye or my ear, I write it down as potential content. Content for the show. If RZA's coming in and we're going to get Dave Chappelle's Wu Tang in, then I'll think about that and go, oh, well, there you go.

[Brian Bishop]

You can go back and listen to your old Wu Tang tapes. The underground shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But if somebody is coming on or Gary will suggest a reoccurring bid or something like that, the answer is not a lot. Alison does the news, Brian. We'll do the movie reviews on occasion, but in general, I just write down little notions that are popping into my head. Some stuff that took place, some stuff that's going to take place, and thus it sort of unfolds in real time in front of you. Does that help you, Paul?

[Caller John from Seattle]

Yes, sir, it sure does.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know. Look, everybody says, and don't forget about afterwards.

[Brian Bishop]

These guys put the show together, they post it, they play in ads or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can forget about that part. I'm gone by.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Actually, can I ask you a follow up question?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, yeah.

[Caller John from Seattle]

So when you guys say you'll take a quick break. Right. I know that you're not. Are you guys doing like a radio break or are you doing a more relaxed, like waiting for someone to get here?

[Adam Carolla]

Allison has to pee.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I often have to pee.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we will just sort of step out, stretch our legs, take a leap, warm up our coffee and come right back in. Bring the guest in. But it's usually two to six minutes tops later, so we're not really doing anything but taking a leak and bringing the guest in.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Okay, great.

[Adam Carolla]

Any other questions, Paul?

[Caller John from Seattle]

No, sir. That's it for me. Thank you so much.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you so much for listening. What business are you in?

[Caller John from Seattle]

I just finished. I just passed the Florida bar exam. Yes, I'm just, I'm waiting to get my background check cleared and while I do that, I'm doing some construction stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. They want to make sure that as a potential attorney working in Dade county, you have a couple of felons.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Couple felony arrests on your hand. Okay, good.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Yeah, that'll happen. Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, buddy. Let's see. Jennifer from Albuquerque's got some of the marriage cheating. Always interested in that. Hey, Jennifer. 32, Albuquerque.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Caller Kathleen]

Well, it's my cousin, she doesn't want to talk. But she's her and her husband, like, they, they've been together for 13 years and married for 13 years. And she recently found out when he said he was saying he was working overnight nights, he was in a hotel with a girl, but they, they didn't do anything. And now she's having a hard time like saying like remarks to him about go with your girlfriend when she gets mad at him. And so we wanted your opinion on what she should do. They're trying to make it work.

[Adam Carolla]

How is it that she knows they didn't do anything?

[Caller Kathleen]

Exactly. She, she, she does that. Like that's, that's like he's lying. But she's trying to believe him, but at the same time it's hard to believe. That's why he says he's first on everything, that they didn't do anything, but it's hard to believe.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, who is this girl to him?

[Caller Kathleen]

Yes, the girl was somebody that used to work with him.

[Adam Carolla]

And who is she to me, more importantly? No, nobody. Maybe should put her on hold. Look, I think guys and girls and human beings parcel out the truth in little bite sized morsels. And as much as they have to go until they stop. So it basically starts with I don't know where that body came from, Officer to well, that body was in the trunk when I bought the car. To well, what happened was that guy was sleeping in the street. I barely knew the guy, just backed over him at night. To oh well, the stab wounds are there, but that was self defense. He was coming at me. To all right, I did stab him, but it was self defense. It takes a while to get to murder one. It starts from I wasn't even there to okay, I was there, but I didn't actually squeeze a trigger. To I did squeeze the trigger, but it's because he was coming after me.

[Allison Rosen]

And by the way, assholes who do this, because I have a lot of of this in my life where it's like it takes fucking forever to get the truth out of someone. It just makes it worse for you.

[Adam Carolla]

My fiance Daniel.

[Allison Rosen]

That's not who I'm talking about. Actually, no, he is. He's very honest.

[Brian Bishop]

People like to negotiate with the truth.

[Allison Rosen]

But when you finally arrive at the truth, you're so much more angry because you've been lied to the whole time.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

But you are assuming we're going to arrive at the truth.

[Allison Rosen]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

What we're hoping is the cop goes, all right, have a safe night night, and drives away. You know, if I'm the cop, I

[Allison Rosen]

will make your life hell until I find out the truth. This is about me though. Here's the thing. I think it's possible that a guy could be in a hotel room with someone he used to work with and nothing would happen. However, the fact that our caller's cousin is so suspicious means her intuition is suggesting to her that something did happen. And I think that is something worth probably looking into.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Jennifer.

[Alex Borstein]

Jennifer.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yes,

[Adam Carolla]

I think the only way now we'll do a part A and a part B. The only way to really put this one to bed as far as your cousin goes, is to go. I want you to call her. I'm Going to listen on the other line. And I want you to say this, that, and the other. And when the guy says, I'm not going to do that, but I still didn't sleep with her then, that's how, you know, they slept together. Now, all that being said, for guys, sleeping with someone really doesn't mean as much as it means to women. And both sides are guilty of doing exactly that. All you can do is take your psyche and your experience and graft it onto your partner. There's no way I can see life through your estrogen covered windshield.

[Alex Borstein]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't see. I can't. But I can see it through mine. And so when a guy cheats, it's like, yeah, I was fucking horny and drunk. Like, who cares? I paid the chick. Like, it didn't mean any. It's a zero. When a woman does do that, it means a lot. It means a lot. And I'll tell you what I mean.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it often means people are going to react to this. But she was driven to it by the relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it reflects what's going on in the relationship.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And we have taken as a society relationships and lean them and bent them toward the woman's point of view because women are better at them and they create, you know, look, if you leave it up to guys, it's going to be a lot of fucking, a lot of coming and a lot of leaving, moving and a lot of kids without parents and dads paying and so on and so forth. So we've smartly taken relationships and sort of went well. I think women have a little better idea, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Like, let's try to be monogamous.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's try to, you know, I mean, Dr. Drew has said this a million times. They, you know, he's, he's fucking pee whipped. And when I say whipped, it's not a whip. It's like a trebuchet or a catapult or something. A pussy that's landing on top of him. But what I do now, he's often said that, look, women, they know intimacy. Listen to them, they know what to do. Because again, for us it'd be like, look, I got some fuck buddies on the side, you got some fuck buddies on the side. We got a third person that's going to raise the kids. I'll be in and out. It just wouldn't. It's not a good way to go as a society. But what women need to understand is guys can have meaningless sex and it doesn't need to reflect solely on the relationship. Now it's a matter of percentage. A guy can go out, get drunk, meet a floozy, be on the road, have sex, and there's really no bearing on what he thinks of his wife or his children or his family. Sad to say, that's what it is. Now if you're starting to now start getting to an ongoing thing and an ex coworker and sleepovers. Now it starts to ratchet up. But still, as a woman, you can't graft on what it would mean for you in the relationship.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just thinking for the future of the relationship. It is such. I mean, depend. Unless you have some kind of open relationship. But I think for the majority of regular of monogamous relationships, it is such a betrayal of the commitment that you made that I don't know how you bounce back from that. The one exception would be if he was. Was really contrite. I'm so sorry. It meant nothing. This will never happen again. But that's not the case here.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe, maybe not.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, he's denying it.

[Adam Carolla]

We think he's denying it. We're not positive. We assume he wasn't just hanging out.

[Alex Borstein]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But what you just said right there, such a betrayal of the relationship.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yeah, I know.

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking out of my vagina. Yes, but I'm saying for the woman, I'm saying from our point of view,

[Adam Carolla]

that's what I'm saying. For a guy, it's nothing. Fucking floozy, drunk out of town. I mean, it can be that. It can be nothing and you. Feels like an attack.

[Allison Rosen]

But do you think that women should be able to just sort of compartmentalize it and be like, oh, whatever, and bounce back from it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it can't be that. It'll never be that. But what it has to be is it cannot be all completely viewed through your lens because you're not doing yourself any favors. Because what you're saying is this was an attack. This is a betrayal. You're trying to destroy the family. And for the guy, it's like literally like I was fucking horning on the road. Like, this is nothing personal, as bad as that sounds. So we would actually be.

[Allison Rosen]

So if that seal gets broken, I don't know how you get back to the relationship. And maybe women, Women are living in a bit of a fantasy, thinking that you guys both want the same thing, when the guy's like, I am agreeing to this and hopefully I won't get caught.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what I'm saying is you have to meet in the middle somewhere, which is this the women say, this is a betrayal, an attack. How am I ever supposed to trust you again? All right, now we just completely flip it around and put it through the guy's eyes. I was fucking horny. I was in Indiana.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

This chick.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember her name. What's the big deal? So in my eyes, it's like a fucking zero.

[Caller Kathleen]

Oh, my God. It's exciting.

[Allison Rosen]

So I think this is. And this is, again, speaking out my. Exactly. But the idea is that the guy who you're in love with is supposed to know that it would hurt you so much that he would never do that to you. That's the agreement you make.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why he didn't tell you about it. But once you found out, it did hurt you, but it was still not a thing to him. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I do get that.

[Adam Carolla]

And so what we can't do is we can't. You can't say you've attacked the relationship and destroyed the family. And I can't say, oh, sweetie, get over it. I was getting my dick wet. Had nothing to do with anything. If you were there, I would have fucked you instead of. Instead, she could have cut my ball.

[Allison Rosen]

So what should we each be saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what we should each be saying is not what it is to you and what it is to me, but just what it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Like, I understand that to you this meant nothing, but now I'm having trouble sleeping next to you and trusting you and feeling like I can be close and open with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Because you're treating it as if you did it and what it would take for you to do it. Whereas for me, it wouldn't take anything to do it. Sort of.

[Allison Rosen]

That's scary, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it is, but it shouldn't be in the sense that it's about the symbolism of it, and there's not much symbolism involved with it. For the horny guy on the road, this is not that guy, though.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a different situation. And I agree. Well, I agree with you. When you're finding a lot of online activity and they're texting back and forth and they're going away for the weekend, that's not nailing.

[Allison Rosen]

Also, I will say, from what I know of men who cheat, it's never the first time.

[Brian Bishop]

Obviously, there has to be a first time.

[Adam Carolla]

There's gotta be one first time.

[Allison Rosen]

But you get what I'm saying. It's usually not just, oh, once that happened. It's what they do.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like criminals. It's not whatever you bust them for. That's when they got busted. But it's been a while. I mean, there's been a lot of crime in their background. Jennifer.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so he had this co worker. They spent the night together, but they didn't have sex. And how is it that your cousin found out about it?

[Caller Kathleen]

Because he came. Because he didn't come home all night. And he came home that next day crying.

[Brian Bishop]

He had too much sex with that core.

[Adam Carolla]

My cock hurts.

[Allison Rosen]

It burns.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

The condoms.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Shaun White]

Sorry.

[Caller Kathleen]

He came home crying and he wanted to tell the truth because he wanted things to work out. And he said that he was very, very sorry. And, you know, it just happened. And because in their relationship, she kind of pulled away and she wasn't giving it up sexually. Plus he was drinking with the girl and there was another couple there with them.

[Adam Carolla]

Including the plot Dickens. Well, he came home and fessed up. I will say this, I would say, and I've always said to whomever, look, if you're going to hold it against this person for the next 20 years, just break up right now. Now, there's two parts to this. He or she, whoever got caught in this case has to never do anything close to this again or anything that even resembles this again. That's their part. You need to, as best you can. It's impossible to say, forget about it. But to move on. And if you're going to hold a grudge or he or she's going to continue with the late night activities, that's

[Allison Rosen]

totally, it's totally untenable to be living with someone who's going to slowly make you pay for an indiscretion a long time ago, which is, by the way, that caller that I keep thinking about who wanted the prenup in the middle of his marriage. That's what I sensed he was trying to do. I sensed that that was not really about the finances. That was him kind of pushing her nose in it.

[Adam Carolla]

But see, that's another looking through the estrogen covered lens of life, because as a guy, I did hear he's worried about losing money. And you heard he was there to torture her. Because for guys, we're mechanical, we're pragmatic, we're thinking about pussy, we're thinking about money. You're thinking about, ooh, that's a dig. That's an attempt to whatever. And we're coming at it from a completely mechanical way. And so for us, from a mechanical standpoint, it's like, what's the big whoop? This is just practical for you. It's like, oh, no, this means something thing. But really for guys, not everything means that much. In a good way and in a sad way, too.

[Allison Rosen]

But there can be exceptions. I mean, there can. Like I could have been picking up on something that I was hearing in him and the way he was talking about it and the way he was going about it that maybe wasn't there. But I'm just saying that I don't think 100% of people on the phone that were saying what he was saying, I would have had that reaction to.

[Adam Carolla]

But I think what you were thinking is you were approaching it the way you would approach it. And I was approaching the way I would approach it. I would say, all right, this is purely a pragmatic thing. She cheated or whatever. Now he thinks she's going to make off with a bunch of money. He's going to. Whatever. It was mechanical. You were coming at it from.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I just spent a lot of time getting into her Facebook and reading these things. And I don't know, it seemed emotionally. He seemed emotional about it. It didn't seem cold and calculated. It seemed like an emotional thing. And now what do I do about this?

[Adam Carolla]

But what would you do if somebody. Somebody you didn't trust, like there's somebody you didn't trust and he doesn't trust her.

[Allison Rosen]

I would not stay in the relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

So you should just get divorced, but now you have kids and did they have kids? I don't know. But let's say you had kids. And let's say she said, I want to be in this, but you're my spidey sense. Your spidey sense is tingling and you're on the verge of making millions of dollars or getting a thing together for where? Listen, it's a rock and a hard place. I'm not saying there's a answer to this, but I'm just saying guys look at things mechanically and sort of pragmatically and women look at things in a more feeling. And what's that mean? Emotionally sort of way. And that's just the way we address things. But look at again, I always say, if a woman has an emotional relationship with somebody but doesn't have a physical relationship with somebody, someone. Guys can get past that. For women, it's probably more the opposite. One night stand versus six months of sweet nothings. Yeah, that's the difference right there. That's how we're wired. It's the exact same opposite. Betrayal. One is considered not that big a deal to the guy. And the other is considered everything to the woman. And vice versa in the exact same situation.

[Brian Bishop]

So you're saying men are from Mars and women are from. From some other planet?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right. Where were we? I'll tell you what you need to do. I'll tell you what's a betrayal. People trying to steal your identity.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the ultimate betrayal.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the ultimate betrayal. These guys, Russia, China, God knows where, they don't know who you are. They want your identity, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Your credit cards. Cuckolded.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Simmons is googling that.

[Adam Carolla]

LifeLock ultimate, that's what you need. I got LifeLock Ultimate Plus. Allison, what do you got?

[Allison Rosen]

With the holiday shopping season underway, experts are warning consumers to beware of scams and identity theft, especially when it comes to shopping online. And hot deals are the easiest way to get an unsuspecting victim's wallet and info.

[Adam Carolla]

So be careful, all right? It is LifeLock. It's LifeLock Ultimate Plus. It's going to be 2015 people. You need it. It's the cost of doing business these days. It is LifeLock Ultimate Plus. Dawson.

[Dawson]

Visit LifeLock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership. That's promo code [e-mail] to get a special 10% discount. LifeLock.com network does not cover all transactions.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. Somebody has a question that I tried to punch up, but I think he's off. Or maybe not. Mike.

[Alex Borstein]

Not be completed as dialed.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike? Yeah, a very feminine voice.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't be calling us on your. On the job as a telephone operator.

[Mark Norman]

Mike.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Mike. That is your name. Anyway, he had a question about CHP officers starting to use lasers. Will Adam upgrade his radar to a laser jammer? Absolutely. Look, it's fucking war.

[Brian Bishop]

It's an arms race.

[Adam Carolla]

And as the great thespian Sylvester Stallone once so artfully said, they draw first blood. They drew first blood. They drew it.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought you say when he screamed and judged.

[Adam Carolla]

I am the Lord.

[Brian Bishop]

That would apply. That would be apt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So either way, it doesn't matter to me. I do every. I look at it as a game that they started. When they started, cops stopped serving and protecting and started hiding and serving tickets to people. And when they. When their role switched from the guy walking the beach, checking Mrs. O' Malley over there, twirling the nightstick. Twirling the nightstick around, telling the kids to beat it and, you know, talking to the Italian guys working their fruit stand. And all that good stuff telling them

[Brian Bishop]

just to move along.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, guy throw him an apple, they polish it up on his chest, you know what I mean? Take a bite out of it and twirl the stick around a little more. When cops went from that to hiding behind overpasses with radar detectors, it then became, well, now we are forced, as people who would like to travel the highways that we fucking pay for, to fight back. And I have a radar detector. Considering it's the price of a ticket, it's really a smart thing to get. And I don't get them because I have one and I use them. And especially when you drive up north or when you drive to Las Vegas or what have you. Any long stretch, Iowa, any long stretch, and people say, what do you use? I use Valentine, by the way. And you can get it on Amazon, including. Click through our site. Shove it to the man times two. All right, one quick one. Brandon from Detroit wants to know how to impress Brandon.

[Caller John from Seattle]

What's going on, Ace man?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on, man?

[Caller Kathleen]

Hey.

[Caller John from Seattle]

I just started a new job about a month ago. It's sort of my first. It's my first job as a software engineer, and it's like a new career, and I'm super passionate about it. Just want to know what your advice is to make sure that there's no way they could ever imagine living without me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, do. Do really good work. All of work breaks down to two things. Your job and your temperament. Do people want to be around you? And then what do you do when you're doing your job? I've worked with guys who are carpenters who were just really fucking good, but they were kind of assholes, but it didn't matter. They were really fucking good. And just whatever you needed them to do, whatever it was, you wouldn't have a beer with them. And then there were the guys that were. They were okay, but great to have a beer with. They both factor in now, of course, great work and great attitude. That's, of course, win, win. But I was just listening to Barbara Walters being interviewed earlier today, and she just said, be the first one there and the last one out of the building. Like, it's not that complicated. Just get in, hang out, don't rub the boss man the wrong way and be the last guy to leave.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree. And piggybacking on what you said earlier, I don't think people realize that clubhouse guys in sports, if you're a clubhouse guy, you might not be the best guy on the field, but everyone likes you and you're the glue that keeps the team together. If you're new on the job, organize the company softball team or organize a happy hour afterwards. Make yourself, you know. I mean, if you don't have to be this outgoing guy. If you're just someone who can get the team together or, you know, do fun things or just that little stuff that makes you. Hey, it's a good guy to have around.

[Allison Rosen]

But wait a little while to do that.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, don't jump in.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't be the guy who's, like, there on a Monday and on Tuesday, he's already changing everything because no one likes that guy.

[Brian Bishop]

No, do as naturally. You're right. Do as naturally as you can.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, you know, I may be naive, but when I see anyone just doing things proactively, whenever, however, I'm just, like, going, go for it. Go sick smart.

[Allison Rosen]

The boss likes that. Yeah, but the other employees get weird about it. Now, granted, you want to appeal to the boss the most, but you don't want to alienate your coworkers.

[Brian Bishop]

The first week, Christy was just bitching about. I mean, not recently, but, like, a few months ago, someone in her office who was brand new and within the first week was a little too eager. You know what I mean? What Alison was talking about. That Don't.

[Allison Rosen]

It sucks.

[Brian Bishop]

Hit the ground jogging, not sprinting.

[Allison Rosen]

It sucks that. That's corporate culture, though. Everyone should appreciate someone who shows initiative.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. In that culture, you have to kind of ramp up, you know, you don't hit the word sprinting.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I've never worked. I don't think I've ever worked in a corporate. I'm just insanely naive with all this stuff. I just assume, like, show up, work hard, everyone will like you. And, you know, I forget about all the part where people feel threatened or what have you.

[Allison Rosen]

Everyone's afraid of the person who's gonna come and be so awesome that it's gonna make them look worse. It's like there's all sorts of crazy weird that goes on, so wait a

[Brian Bishop]

couple weeks, but then just start to, you know, put some feelers out.

[Adam Carolla]

Insecurities. Gotta be fucking horrible, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I wouldn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know, but you're like a dog napping in the street.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

That's secure as well. Oh, that's an 18 wheeler.

[Brian Bishop]

These bumps feel great.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is. See, I don't. I never have that feeling. Oh, how's this? Rubbing this person this way. Rubbing this person that way. Because to me, I'm organizing a softball game. That's all I'm doing. That would be all I would be doing. But then you'd go, yeah, but you're kind of stepping on this guy's toes or you're doing it too early or whatever it is. But that's the insecurity in the other person. Right, but we have to be aware that people are wired that way, Gary.

[Brian Bishop]

If we hired someone and within the first week they were like, hey, dudes, former softball team. It'd be a little much, right? Where. Whereas if I don't know you or Kalin or Fondelier were to do it, it'd be like, ah, it's a good idea, Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

When you ask questions though, you can't provide the answer in the question.

[Brian Bishop]

Feel free to answer your own way, Gary.

[Adam Carolla]

I think this company is a little

[Brian Bishop]

different than the corporate structure.

[Adam Carolla]

But I would agree with the way

[Brian Bishop]

that Brian and Allison are assessing it based on past large corporation office jobs that I've had.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird that people that everyone walks around with that kind of insecurity, right? Yeah, but it's 100%.

[Allison Rosen]

It becomes institutionalized, though. And I know. Cause I was the person who came in with too many ideas and was like, I want to do this and I want to do this and I want to do this and I want to do this. And I was like, okay, I guess it's not wanted. Easy.

[Brian Bishop]

We're all settled in here.

[Adam Carolla]

People should try to let that go. I was talking, you know, nobody's more insecure than comedians, for instance. But when I was talking just the other day to Kevin and Bean about joining, explaining Kevin and Bean, you know, Jimmy Kimmel went, that dude's funny. He pointed at me and he went, get in here. And I even at the time, I was kind of thinking, like, why is he so hot for me to come in here? The guy he thinks is maybe even funnier than him. Why does he need me to. Why is he so eager to bring me into the fray when I could be the guy who's known as the guy who's a little more funny than he is? And I realize he doesn't have an ounce of insecurity. And it's why he's propelled himself up that ladder so quickly. Because he went. Instead of looking at me going, woo, cool your jets, hotshot. You don't just march into the radio station and start laying down bits. It's an interesting perspective. He thought, nobody thinks nobody outside of my dad and my mom, obviously are bigger fans of mine than Jimmy in terms of ability. Now, I'm sure he'd tell you I'm squandering my ability, but he thinks nobody has better ability. So he saw the guy who he thinks has unlimited ability and went, hey, in here, come, come under. Come into the tent, join the team. And furthermore, let me help you, Let me push you out there, right? So you think, well, no other comedian. I mean, comedians are so insecure and radio people are so fucking horrible and all that kind of stuff. All they do is circle the wagons. Radio people are some of the worst sort of least secure.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck that.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck everyone. I mean, radio is so bad that not only do they hate the competition, they hate everyone they work with. The fucking morning team hates the midday guys. Mid guys hate the afternoon. The overnight guy hates the morning and midday guy. They'll fucking hate each other. Even the guys who work at the same station. It'd be like, oh, the fucking long snapper and the punter hate each other on the same team. Yes, that's radio. But not Jimmy. Jimmy was like, come on in, let's get. Now I realize now he was so secure with his ability and what he brought that he didn't feel like I was gonna push him off or he was gonna be marginalized or whatever. And then furthermore, he then connected with me and we figured out ways to make millions of dollars together, which benefited him as well. That insecurity that seems to just sort of flow through our society and is almost a given. Like, well, you know, you come in as a new guy and people are going to be a little bit freaked out. We should examine that and work on it a little bit more, I think.

[Brian Bishop]

I totally agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Caller John from Seattle]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what, I agree with stamps.com. by the way. You can tell Mark Norman, comedian, he doesn't need to come in.

[Caller Kathleen]

Neat.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm funny enough for the, the both of us. Okay, how old is that kid? Good looking kid. Yeah, I need some good looking kid coming in here cracking up my audience. Understand?

[Brian Bishop]

Find some smaller podcasts to put your wares on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, tell them there's a couple of Lambos back there, you can wipe those down. And when we're done, we can talk stamps dot com. Ah, holidays almost here. We gotta get on it, people. You don't want to go down to the post office? I couldn't think of a worse way to celebrate a holiday than going to the post office. Avoid the hassle. Use stamps.com instead. You can buy it print and print official US postage. Use your own computer, use your own printer. You know how it goes. You get the scale, you get the bonus postage, you get all the stuff. You go to stamps.com before you do anything else, click on the microphone, top of the homepage and type in Adam. That is stamps.com. enter Adam. All right, comedian Mark Norman is here. We'll take a quick break. Be right back with him after this. There's no need to pout, no need to cry, no need to shout. I'm telling you why Mangria is coming to town.

[Dawson]

Be the hit of the holiday party. Get Mangria in your town by using the find mangria [e-mail] Mangria is coming to town. Forget the milk and cookies. Leave Santa what he really wants. Mangria. Order online now for Christmas and New Year's or find a store near [e-mail].

[Adam Carolla]

He's the poster and punisher. It's his ass we're smelling and our eyes are welling up with some tears. Here's the porcelain punisher Fondelier. If it's plop plop in the toilet you hear plus the sound of him groaning, the bowls overflowing. You know, to stay clear here, it's the pond. Ah, the great Dicky Banks, everybody. Us Anaheim tonight, Agora Hills tomorrow night for sure with Jay Moore at the Canyon Club. If you want to come on out and see how the fudge is packed. Mark Norman is here. Still got it. The name of his stand up bound available on Amazon. You click through AdamCarroll.com and show a little love podcast Tuesdays with stories. And that is new episodes Tuesdays on itunes. Good to see you, Mark.

[Mark Norman]

Hey, good to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

Mark's drinking a little Mangria.

[Mark Norman]

Oh yeah, the white guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary was warning that he may have over served himself.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, but it's pretty good and it tastes not strong.

[Brian Bishop]

That's how you know you over served yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the part it tastes not strong part, but it kicks in. But Mark gave a very good answer to Gary, who was practically sucking his dick to get him to pour some of it down the drain. Before he came in. He said, I'm from New Orleans, relax.

[Mark Norman]

Yes, yes. And I'm hungover right now, so this will help.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. And by the way, I want to order a little Mangria for the holidays. We got the three bottle special out there, so just go to corolladrinks.com it's interesting because culturally, like when someone goes, oh hey Easy on the wine. They go, oh, he's from Europe. He grew up in France. Like, oh, okay, let it go.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. The I'm from works in certain situations, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I'm from Ohio. Doesn't work work so much for the booze. But I'm from New Orleans. Works pretty good, right?

[Mark Norman]

I'm sorry, I'm boring. I'm from Ohio. That one works.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

But other than that.

[Adam Carolla]

But I can handle my booze. So, growing up in New Orleans, what's that like?

[Mark Norman]

Boy, it was rough. I mean, it's a whole story. I grew up in a mansion in a poor black neighborhood. My dad got a wild hair up his ass. He couldn't fix it all in time. He ran out of money, so he had to make half of the bed

[Adam Carolla]

and breakfast with Shelley Long. Your mom.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. And, yeah, terrible neighborhood. We got mugged all the time and cars stolen and everything and.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but your dad, who was doing what for a living?

[Mark Norman]

Both my parents were lawyers, and he

[Adam Carolla]

wanted to just get this big old place with these dreams of fixing it up and living in this big, beautiful, 300-year-old whatever somewhere. And it never, never took flight.

[Mark Norman]

Never took flight. I would skateboard in the front room, you know, there was pigeons. It was wild. We had to.

[Brian Bishop]

At school.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Mark Norman]

Barely had running water. We had, like three rooms we just stayed in. And the rest of the house was like a haunted house.

[Adam Carolla]

But how many square feet was it?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, I'm bad with that stuff. But it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Did it have the big entry with the big staircase and everything?

[Mark Norman]

The winding staircase you only see in movies? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And, yeah, like, people would break in. We wouldn't know till, like, two days later.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Mark Norman]

Because, you know, you forget about that door on the west wing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's a real rich man, poor man thing, you know? I guess so either your house is so big, you don't know that there's some guy living, you know, in the room off the entry hall, or you're so fucking beaked out of your mind on, you know, fortified wine or bath salts, as you don't know that someone's broken into your trailer. But either way, not knowing someone has broken in is a rich man, poor man problem.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, we had a similar upbringing. I mean, not with the mansion and everything, but all my friends, jerk off friends fucked up.

[Adam Carolla]

Up.

[Mark Norman]

We lived right by the French quarters. We would just go there and my parents never cared about where we were.

[Adam Carolla]

That was your Tijuana.

[Mark Norman]

Yes. Went there a lot as well.

[Caller John from Seattle]

You didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Went To Tijuana.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. Well, twice. But for New Orleans, that's a hefty drive.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a fucking road trip.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah, my friend fucked a guy and didn't know it. Great, great, great story.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, we'd like to hear that story.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, eventually he found out because otherwise the story would be he fucked a whore.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that also a rich man, poor

[Adam Carolla]

man, the guy and didn't know it? I think it's pretty rich man, poor man too.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Well, we were at this crazy strip club and we're like, boy, these thighs on these women are unbelievable. Look at these muscles. Like Clydesdale's big Adam's apple too, yada yada. And one of them brings my friend up. He was the big moose of the group, you know, the six, nine guy, football guy. He was the tough one. And she goes, you come upstairs and he goes upstairs and we're like, I think that was a guy. Oh my God. And then he comes down, he goes, she let me fuck her in the ass.

[Dawson]

We all lost.

[Mark Norman]

Was like a nine hour ride back. He didn't say a word the whole time. And he got married like a year later just to like seal his straightness.

[Brian Bishop]

Poor Jimmy Graham.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I, One of my friends went up to that, that room too. Oh, and some 6 foot 9 football

[Brian Bishop]

player guy from New Orleans.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Strangest coincidence, he had to do it

[Adam Carolla]

all the way home when we were inside the car. He's still sitting. He's still sitting. I have to stand. No, he went into that room.

[Mark Norman]

You look like a terrified mother.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a room, there's like a door that you don't know about. The strip clubs are downstairs off of Revolution Boulevard. And then you go through some side door and you go upstairs and there's rooms. And what they don't tell you about is like back when we did, it was like 20 bucks except or another 20 for the room. And then my guy switched horses midstream. He said, yeah, you know what? Instead of the blow job, I am going to go for the intercourse. And it rang up another. So he rang up a $60 bill, which was like more than our parents cars cost back then. And we were caught because we smuggled a bottle of rum in that we bought at a cheap liquor store. And we would order Cokes and under the table we were filling them up with the rum bottle because we couldn't afford the expensive drinks at the strip club. So we got chased out of the place while he was still upstairs getting and sucked.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think that Plan would work where you just ordered cokes at the strip club and totally, totally undercover.

[Allison Rosen]

Seems like a good plan.

[Brian Bishop]

20 year old dudes, they're just drinking Coke, right?

[Mark Norman]

But Mexican cokes are very good.

[Adam Carolla]

First real cane. It did work for a while. To be fair to our plan, we didn't really have a plan B because we didn't really have enough money to go there and order four dollar drinks.

[Brian Bishop]

You barely had a plan A. Yeah,

[Adam Carolla]

there was a place on the corner that served drinks for like a dollar. And the plan was to go there and get eight drinks in us and then stagger over to the strip club Pre party. Right. That was a pre. We would tailgate it at someone else's bar and then we could go over there. But the idea, the idea that you're in New Orleans and you go, you know, we gotta go to somewhere with more debauchery.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, it was a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Build a boat, let's go to Haiti. No, no, that'll never work. How about Tijuana?

[Mark Norman]

Well, he just wanted to hear, you heard all the tales and the, the whimsy and it seemed so fun paying off cops.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, the enchantment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Mark Norman]

I love that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So you went, you went now what

[Mark Norman]

years did you go to Mexico? Yeah, we went a couple times. This is like early 2000s, late 90s, right.

[Adam Carolla]

So for me this is more 80s activity.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, that seems more fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, as I always say, mid Coke, pre aids, the best time to be alive. But it was kind of catch as catch can for us. But we could make the trip out here. I guess you could get out there in about two and a half, three hours from here. Yeah, maybe no traffic.

[Mark Norman]

No traffic, that's amazing. Yeah, but then you had the friend who got too into it and now he's starting to bring pills back and we had to cut it off. Oh yeah, they know that guy?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I had a guy. Why did a guy pass out on the. There's. In order to cross the border, you have to walk up that sort of circular ramp thing and then walk across the cement sort of hoop that goes over the top of the main road and walk to the other side. Once you go through. Once you go through the border, you gotta walk over this bridge thing to get to the other side. He completely passed out. Just boom. Just not blacked out, but just passed out.

Boom.

Guys are so fucking horrible because they're like, I think Chris has passed out. I don't know. You think he's breathing? Is he faking Is he alive? I don't know. And then my one friend goes, and he hawks a loogie on him. Because you're gonna move if someone hawks a loogie on you unless you're passed out. So turned out he was passed out. And then we shoved him in the back of a Toyota Celica, and we started driving for a motel. And at some point, even though he'd been passed out for about an hour in the back of the car, he just sprung to life like a Tarantino movie. And he yelled, captain, we can't feed them boys sticky rice. And he fell back asleep again.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

That was his utterance.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a commercial. It was an Uncle Ben's instant rice commercial from, like, 1977. It's great how the brain does or doesn't work, right?

[Mark Norman]

Where's the beef?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally, like, yelled that out and then passed out again.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's not like it was like. Well, we'd been talking about instant rice earlier in the evening. Your fucking brain sometimes just spits the weirdest shit in the world out.

[Mark Norman]

Wouldn't it be great if you could pass out and just maybe you'll come up with a cure for cancer?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just pop out and yell out some equation that. That kills cancer cells. Not my friends so much, but they did watch a lot of tv, a

[Brian Bishop]

lot of commercials for Uncle Ben.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if Uncle Ben had cured cancer, then he would have popped up and yelled it out. So how do you get from there to comedy?

[Mark Norman]

You know, I was just such a rudderless drunk mess in New Orleans, and all my friends are like line cooks now and mechanics and firemen. So I wanted to get out of that. And I loved comedy growing up. And I said. I went to film school in New York, and I was like, man, I really like New York. And I started doing open mics at night, and I said, fuck film. I like this better. And that was it.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's when the comedy started. How long before you were able to get your first paycheck?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, geez, man. I moved to Crown heights, Brooklyn, with 800 bucks. I got mugged three times in a year. My landlord died of AIDS, and the first night I got my apartment, there was a pigeon in it, which was terrifying.

[Adam Carolla]

But you were sort of used to it growing up, right?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I guess the pigeon I shouldn't have closed. Shouldn't have closed with the pigeon. Yeah.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

But yeah, signed my lease on Loose Leaf, and I was a janitor for years, and it probably took about four years. I got, like, 20 bucks here and there. But it took about four or five years to get anything real. A lot of open mics.

[Adam Carolla]

The. And it's always the same story. I don't know why people think it works anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Any different than that? All right, Allison will get ready with the news. I'll tell you about DraftKings, baby. Millionaires made all season long at DraftKings.com, america's favorite one week fantasy football site. Bald.

[Caller John from Seattle]

How are you hanging?

[Brian Bishop]

Here's a very cool thing. I forgot to write down the guy's name, but someone tweeted me. He's like, hey, I got 50 bucks left on DraftKings. Been playing all year, doing pretty well. How about this? I think you're better than me. He says to me, we'll give you that 50 bucks. You play with it. Whatever we win, I'll give 75% of it to charity. And I was like, that's a great idea. So I'm going to do that for the next couple weeks. I'll tweet my lineups. You can all follow me, Albrine and see what lineups I choose. And we'll be doing DraftKings for charity.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, a millionaire has been crowned nearly every week this season. They're on a [e-mail] that's draftkings.com Dawson,

[Dawson]

get free Andrew into their $100,000 fantasy football contest this weekend where first place takes home ten grand. Head to DraftKings.com now and enter promo code Adam to play for free DraftKings.com bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Enter Adam for free entry [e-mail] that's

[Adam Carolla]

DraftKings.com all right, should we do a little news with Allison Rosen?

[Dawson]

Yes, the news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison.

[Dawson]

Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll say, sign it off with zip it.

[Caller Kathleen]

Cut.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Allison Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Our buddy Mark Garagos is in the news because he's representing Ke$ha, and she says that Dr. Luke, who's a music producer, sexually assaulted her.

[Caller Kathleen]

So

[Allison Rosen]

Garagos is representing her in a civil lawsuit against Dr. Luke that seeks damages for alleged sexual assault, battery, sexual harassment, gender violence, and emotional distress. Meanwhile, Lady Gaga was on Howard Stern and admitted that one of her songs is about having been sexually assaulted by Dr. Luke. No, she didn't. She didn't want to say who it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Nurse Laura.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, His Internist.

[Allison Rosen]

She didn't want to name who it was. Apparently she didn't even really want to talk about it. But Stern got her to open up about it, but she didn't say who it was. But then Garagos tweeted a bunch of tweets asking readers to guess the rapist Gaga, and including the hashtag namethepervort.

[Mark Norman]

I would've just written in Jackie Martling, Papa Bowie.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna go with Bill Cosby. I'm just playing the odds here. That's where the smart money is.

[Allison Rosen]

And then Garagos eventually responded to a person who posted Dr. Luke's name with bingo. So now the. Now Dr. Luke is suing Garagos for defamation, saying that. Yeah, saying that this is false. And also, Gaga has distanced herself and says it wasn't Dr. Luke.

[Adam Carolla]

Ironically, he's gave a retainer to Garagos to sue himself.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a feedback loop. With a heavy heart. He enters that court.

[Allison Rosen]

And then also, Dr. Luke has countersued Kesha, saying the lawsuit was an attempt to force him into releasing her from her contract. Here's the thing, though.

[Adam Carolla]

What's Dr. Luke's thing?

[Brian Bishop]

What's he known for?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he's known for. I don't know which of Kesha's songs or possibly all of them.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a producer of a lot of pop. Is he an actual doctor?

[Allison Rosen]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't trust white guys who aren't physicians who go by Dr. Lucas.

[Allison Rosen]

Sebastian Gottwald is his name.

[Brian Bishop]

Dr. Dre, Dr. Julius Erving, Dr. J. These are.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, right?

[Adam Carolla]

He was on SNL. He was a guitar player on SNL. No, I didn't know that. The Dr. Moniker supposedly comes from him distributing pharmaceuticals during that time.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Ah.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, he sounds like a real gem, but talented.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, Kesha, my whole thing about SNL guitarists is as long as I got rid of that fucking blonde haired guy.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't like G. Smith.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, gee, Smith. So stiff.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you something.

[Allison Rosen]

Meats conditioner.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? This, this.

[Mark Norman]

He looks like Willem Dafoe on a bad day.

[Brian Bishop]

He's not a very good looking man.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. Has nothing to do with my. My lack of attraction to him. Physically. Physically. He did the same thing Jenny McCarthy did on Oprah, which is the guys who grow their fucking bangs down to their fucking balls. And then they peel it over their ear, but it always, inevitably falls forward, and then they peel it over again, and then it falls forward again and then it peels over again. Look, somewhere around the 25th hundredth time you've done it. In the last 10 seconds, it has fallen right back where it was. It's like somebody saying, I'm going to hold this curtain up, up. And then letting it go and it falls back down again and go, huh, what do you know? It didn't just levitate there. Well, I'll hold it up again. It becomes this affect.

[Mark Norman]

They like it.

[Adam Carolla]

They love it. They love that thing hanging in front of them and they love throwing it back over their ear just to irritate guys like Brian and guys like us with Jufros as well. Because no hair could ever hang down.

[Brian Bishop]

When I was shift for Bangs Hill

[Mark Norman]

to blow in the wind, right?

[Adam Carolla]

But he was always. He said, let's see, what's a good job for this astronomer? Nah, you're always looking up. That's no good. I need one where I'm looking down at my guitar all the time where I can have the hair that just draping down and I'll constantly be fixing it with my finger.

[Allison Rosen]

And surgeon was too hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

It was either guitar cobbler.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, surgeon somebody cobbler and surgeon and cobbler. Somebody would intervene, Right?

[Mark Norman]

It works too, because you can look up from writing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but he'd always have that just that wisp hanging down and always had to fix it. Listen, get a fucking scrunchie or fucking buzz cut or something.

[Allison Rosen]

Douche.

[Mark Norman]

But the alternative is that douchey guy bun thing, you know, that like sprouts out.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the alternative is called super fucking cuts. And you get a fucking haircut like a goddamn man.

[Mark Norman]

Good point. Touche.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. And by the way, you have plenty of rock and roll cred. You're playing the guitar.

[Brian Bishop]

We see it on tv.

[Adam Carolla]

You're holding it.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

We get it.

[Adam Carolla]

You're into rock and roll. There's something in your hand and noise is coming out of it. We don't need to stare at your hair, by the way.

[Mark Norman]

I gotta say. You gonna make eye contact? I don't believe all that. You're pretty good at it. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't know where that's coming from.

[Adam Carolla]

Who told you that?

[Mark Norman]

I'm a big fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. You listen.

[Mark Norman]

It's actually making me uncomfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay?

[Mark Norman]

It's too much.

[Adam Carolla]

I should grow my bangs out and look down like Ge.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Do I have a picture of him? Because he bothers me. All right. So who did he rape?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, g Did what? Dr. G, Dr. Smith.

[Mark Norman]

Look at that. That's not bad. Willem.

[Adam Carolla]

He looks like Willem Dafoe. Yeah, he does. But I need. I need that.

[Allison Rosen]

Looks like his head is being measured by the fretboard of his guitar.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah. Like it's calibrated.

[Mark Norman]

Good girl.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so this guy's a producer.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. So Ke$allege that. So in one instance, Luke forced her. This is what she says. To snort an illicit drug before getting on a plane. Once aboard, he forced himself on her while she was drugged. She says that on another occasion, he forced her to drink with him, and they then gave her what he called sober pills. The following afternoon, she woke up naked in his bed, sore and sick and with no memory of how she got there.

[Adam Carolla]

How fucking punished is Bill Cosby right now? How fucking excited is he for this news?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but here, to me, the curious part is that Garagos was tweeting this. I mean, he's a lawyer. He knows what he's doing. So it makes me think that he has more information. Well, I wonder, does he have more information? Because Lady Gaga is saying it wasn't Dr. Luke.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a minute. Wait. Let's figure this out. Lady Gaga is saying somebody did something, but I'm not saying who. Yes, but is she saying it's not him, or is she just saying. Because the first time around. I thought you said she saying that she was a victim of sexual assault, but she didn't say who it was.

[Allison Rosen]

That is correct. When she was on Howard Stern. However, she's since. Now that all the tweets happened, she's since said, no, it wasn't Dr. Luke.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think? And it's very easy. It's happened to me with Stern, where you sit in there and it's very comfortable in the confines. It's dark, and there's a lot of velvet around, and before you know it, I'm talking about Mark's buddy who took it up the ass in Tijuana, and I regret it, but you said it. Is she trying to unring this bell a little bit and, like, realizing, oh, I don't want to get in involved, like, with this or. I don't want to insert myself in the middle of a whole big news story involving sexual assault and this and that and the other? Don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know. I just. Would you agree that Garagos doesn't do anything that's not. Excuse me. Garagos knows what he's doing.

[Adam Carolla]

I would agree that Garagos knows what he's doing.

[Allison Rosen]

So for whatever reason, he thought it was a good idea to tweet this stuff. And to say that this guy is Gaga's rap rapist.

[Adam Carolla]

We can ask him at our Christmas party, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh good.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, number one, Number two, I would assume if he is putting this out there, I would assume when he's talking to Kesha, he's asking her, who else do you think that's under this management or produced by this fellow or knows this guy? How many other you's are there out there? Because as we talked about earlier in the show, it's never won. This is your M.O. and so if your M.O. is attractive blondes who look good in their underpants and I produce you and you, blah blah, blah, then stands to reason that that's your, you know, it's the sort of. It's the John Derek, my super timely John Derek reference. He's the G.E. smith of photographers.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

John Derek is a guy who's a horrible, horrible filmmaker, who is a photographer, who's. Bo Derek's.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yes, yes, exact.

[Adam Carolla]

And he started off with what's her name? Evans. And he just would sort of move on to 20 year old blonde. To 20 year old blonde. To 20 Year Old Blonde. And so when you see the hot 20 year old blonde, if you take a look at. If you take a look at Linda Evans circa when Linda Evans was 18 or 19 and you take a look at Bo Derek when BO Derek was 18 or 19, they looked like the same person. Except for he had the 37 year old version of Linda Evans and needed the 18 year old version of Linda Evans. And so when somebody goes, you think that guy would have sex with that guy with that girl? You go, yeah, right. That's what. Because that's what they do. So I guess. Oh yeah, Ursula Andress as well, who by the way, does not get her credit.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's see some pictures.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

Who's that?

[Adam Carolla]

You guys don't know Ursula Andress?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah, well, no, she's the first Bond girl.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, right, right. Oh, cheekbones, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now you're showing, we're looking at a very weird picture of Bo Derek. Not Bo Derek when she's about to be attacked by Wolverine, but just Bo Derek. Boderrek. And then that, that's a 31 year old Linda Evans. You gotta find that super early. They're the same person.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I think Linda Carter. Who's Linda Evans? But what was she known for?

[Allison Rosen]

I think she was on Dynasty.

[Adam Carolla]

She did a lot Ash. One of many, many good looking blonde actresses who worked more than most, but still not enough for it to sear into your bald skull. All right, so here's a question then. Ashley Nelson.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Was Lady Gaga produced by Dr. The Doctor.

[Allison Rosen]

No, actually, she said that they only met or he. One of them said they only met on two occasions.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. Gary's mouthing things.

[Brian Bishop]

That was him.

[Allison Rosen]

He said that. He said that they only met on two occasions and she was never alone with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what he said. I don't. Did he produce any of Lady Gaga's stuff? Gary, do you know? I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't think so. All right, so it's probably not him. Although it's not. You don't technically have to produce someone's record in order to have sex with them.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But either way, this was.

[Allison Rosen]

In my experience.

[Adam Carolla]

The real question is, what was gyrogos doing?

[Allison Rosen]

Doing? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you would assume that he heard something from KE Doll.

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Speaking of Lady Gaga, have you guys seen her and Tony Becky together?

[Mark Norman]

I've seen the ads.

[Allison Rosen]

How weird do they look together? Like he looks like himself and she looks like Tinkerbell or an alien.

[Brian Bishop]

She's doing an act. She's like, I saw them on Colbert. She's doing a very Marilyn Monroe flighty kind of thing. That's what. That's what I got.

[Allison Rosen]

Like Marilyn Monroe crossed with a robot.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

She's like. I mean, I like her.

[Brian Bishop]

She has very little girl voice. Like, she's doing the pin up.

[Allison Rosen]

Body movements are so. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Her next dress should be made solely of his toupees throughout the years, you know what I mean? Like, start the ones from the bottom and just keep going a little darker at the bottom. Oh, man. She seems high maintenance.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And she looks even more human in this photo than what I've seen where she had, like a head skull cap on. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

She's almost like a 1920s swimming.

[Brian Bishop]

It must be really hard to make it in the industry because she's got the goods and she still does all this ridiculousness with the wigs and the meat dress and all. Like, for someone who has the talent to have to do all that to get. To get on, to get through, that must be tough.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, wow.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm looking at Bo Derek and Linda Evans and Ursula Andress and I don't even know. Bo's on the left, Linda's in the middle. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. Gotta give Ursula her due, too. That's, by the way, any chick name. When you're. When you name your kid Ursula, you automatically give her Three points in the looks department.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Right there.

[Mark Norman]

Exact opposite. There's nothing in the middle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, nothing in the middle. There's no five named Ursula.

[Mark Norman]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

It's like Bar.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, like the name Bar.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

If you're a.

[Allison Rosen]

Isn't there only Bar Raffaelli, or are there other bars?

[Mark Norman]

I had a lunch lady named Bar.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, you did.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it Barbara? Is that what Barbara?

[Mark Norman]

It might have been Barbara, but we killed her.

[Adam Carolla]

Bar Rafael is a Jewish thing, right?

[Mark Norman]

Is she.

[Adam Carolla]

I think she's from Israel or something. That's where the bar comes in.

[Mark Norman]

That helps.

[Adam Carolla]

Not sure where the Raffaelli comes in. Gotta work that one out.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, do you guys actually know any Ursula's?

[Mark Norman]

Hopefully not.

[Brian Bishop]

Ursula Anders and the character from Little Mermaid.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

What are their names that give you instant points?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Ursulander's still alive, I think.

[Allison Rosen]

Lance for a guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Usually what could be gay?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, except for Lance Arms. I'm just, well, growing up. Lance and Shane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Freudian gay.

[Allison Rosen]

I take it back. I'm not qualified to comment.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll keep going. Bar was born in Israel. All right, well, that's what I'm saying. Where were we? Ah, smart mouth. That's what I need a shot of. I had it this morning, by the way. Smart mouth.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Man.

[Adam Carolla]

Love this stuff. Don't call it mouthwash. It's so much better. It's the next step, the next evolution. Use it. Use it in the morning, then use it again before you go to bed. Get the fresh minty breath all day long. Just good stuff.

[Caller John from Seattle]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

They give you a little cup and a little pump thing. I say fat like Bar Raffaele to that. Take a hit right off the thing. I know. My mouth knows. I measure out the right amount. Take a hit off that. Drop the electric toothbrush in like a jacuzzi. It is awesome. Smart mouth mouthwash. Just look for it in the green box. All right, what else we got?

[Allison Rosen]

There's also Lance Burton, so I'm taking that back. Growing up, for some reason, Lance and Shane were the hot guy names. Lance is weak, but yeah, now that I think about it, I'm seeing Lance in a new light.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to ask. I don't want Allison to back away from Lance. I'm with her on Lance.

[Mark Norman]

It's very close.

[Allison Rosen]

Lance Burton magician. Lance Armstrong. Well, no, Lance Armstrong not hot, but Lance Burton not.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, we consider that sort of corny and unattractive, but he's considered an attractive individual. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't picture his face, but maybe

[Adam Carolla]

he's pretty easy on the eyes, but he's pretty tan.

[Allison Rosen]

Then I'll stick with it.

[Caller John from Seattle]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what. I'm gonna break this tie wide open in one of the better written sitcoms of the last 30 years. Cheers. When ladies man Ted Danson was. Had an alter ego, a guy. There was one joke they kind of went by the name of for the ladies kind of thing. Lance Manion was the guy's name.

[Allison Rosen]

I rest my case.

[Adam Carolla]

Then.

So when sitcom writers want to come up with their ultimate hot guy Hollywood name, Lance Manion, which flows very nicely.

[Allison Rosen]

I was raised by sitcoms, so it makes sense that that's my go to.

[Adam Carolla]

You may have heard Lance Manion.

[Allison Rosen]

Times have changed.

[Adam Carolla]

Mayday Malone may have won as Lance Manion for a night or two.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Neat.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Mark Norman]

It'd be great if you met a hot Lance and he turned out to be an architect.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, what would I do?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, tough one.

[Allison Rosen]

Architect names are like Alec.

[Mark Norman]

Alec. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Pretty like a fastidious. Kind of like Martin.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Quiet.

[Adam Carolla]

Stuart.

[Caller John from Seattle]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Baldwin.

[Caller Kathleen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

What else would we do?

[Allison Rosen]

No, not Stuart, but thank you because Stewart would get drunk and architects usually.

[Mark Norman]

Don't you think it's Stu?

[Allison Rosen]

I think a Stu. I could see it going both ways. Okay, so you guys, are you guys familiar with the story of Tamir rice? He's the 12 year old who was shot in Cleveland. He was playing with a toy gun, but it was black, it looked like a real gun. And he was in a. Like on a playground, in a gazebo, playing with a toy gun. Officers got a call that there is a kit. I don't know if they said, kid, there's someone with a gun. The person who called 911 said it may be fake. I don't know. That information was not. My understanding was that that was not communicated to the cops. Guy rolls up and just shoots the kid and he died. So anyway, some information about the officer that shot Tamir Rice has come out. Timothy A. Loman was his name name. And he was hired by the Cleveland force in May. But records released by police in the suburb of Independence show that he quit his job in December of 2012 after five months. And the findings were that he should be dismissed because. So the deputy chief at his previous job recommended that he be dismissed. He questioned Loehmann's ability to follow instructions and to make good decisions in stressful situations. He cited a report from a firearms Instructor who said Lohman showed up for training, quote, distracted, weepy, unable to communicate clear thoughts, and as a result of which his handgun performance was dismal. The report describes Lohman as being in an emotional meltdown which was attributed in part to personal problems with an on again, off again girlfriend. And some of the comments that Loman made during the this discourse were, I should have gone to New York. Maybe I should quit. I have no friends, I only hang out with 73 year old priests. I've cried every day for four months about this girl. Then here's an excerpt from the report. Lowman's inability to perform basic functions as instructed and his inability to emotionally function because of a personal situation at home with an on and off again girlfriend leads one to believe that he would have not be able to substantially cope or make good decisions during or resulting from any other stressful situation. And then they went on to conclude that Lohman had shown a dangerous loss of composure during live range training and lacked the maturity to be on the force. Four days later he resigned. But then he was hired by Cleveland and then he shot Tamir Rice.

[Adam Carolla]

We do that with cops and we do it with school teachers. It's sad.

[Allison Rosen]

You mean we don't check into their

[Adam Carolla]

background and schoolteachers get shuttled from one district for like diddling kids and stuff and they go, they get picked up at another school district.

[Allison Rosen]

That happened at my school. It was a private school. This was in Orange County. It was like the biggest felony misdemeanor child abuse case. And the guy was busted. I mean, it took a long time for him to get busted. But finally when it came out, it turned out that I think he had been arrested previously at a different school and they just hadn't. I mean there should have been such a lawsuit against the school and there's all these reasons why there wasn't nobody

[Adam Carolla]

sued so much back then.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but there should have been because they never checked into his background and they and kids were diddled on campus.

[Adam Carolla]

How about that guy from LA Unified who was beating off on. Everybody's making the hooky cookie for all the kids. I mean it's like the crazy. I mean it's insanity. I mean the last people in the world, cops and school teachers that you want pawned off in your district because they're fuck ups in the previous district. And that's what we do.

[Allison Rosen]

But I don't understand. When you apply for a job, you have to say whether you've been arrested except for when you're a teacher or A cop.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. By the way, LAUSD, 140 million bucks they just had to hand out for victims of that fucking guy.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Jesus.

[Mark Norman]

Huge.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, be ironic that a bake sale to pay for it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yep. Look sad and whatever, you know, I'm never. I think there's so much. I think there's so many guns and so much dysfunction and so much booze and so many prescription medications that I'm always surprised that there's the amount of it that there is.

[Shaun White]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You go, well, listen, I mean, if you were just asking me, like, I was, you know, from Orc. From Planet Orc. And you went, well, what's the population of the United States? And you went like, well, 320 million people. And you went, okay, how many guns do we have? 400 million. All right, who's insane? Everybody who's drunk, everyone who's on prescription medicine meds, everyone who had a horrible childhood, everyone. You go, why aren't people just running down the street shooting people, like, constantly? Like, why isn't it just happening constantly? Cops are some of the dumber guys you went to high school with. Remember the guy Moose in the brothel in Tijuana?

[Mark Norman]

He's a cop.

[Adam Carolla]

Is he a cop?

[Shaun White]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Is that true? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Mark Norman]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

That's who the cops are.

[Mark Norman]

That is wild.

[Caller Kathleen]

Neat.

[Mark Norman]

Man, oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you got to experience a little of the clairvoyance there.

[Mark Norman]

It's good to have you back.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good to be back, man. All right, sad. But let's do. Let's do one more. What have we got?

[Allison Rosen]

Have you guys ever had a job where they would pat you down on your way out to make sure that you weren't stealing anything? Like we had during my brief tenure at Sam Good. Yeah, they would really, like. They were always afraid that you had a CD up your butt or something.

[Mark Norman]

Anyway, I had that at moma. They would pat me down to make

[Allison Rosen]

sure you didn't have a painting, which is crazy.

[Mark Norman]

What am I seeing an easel?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, not since I worked at that mortuary. I'm lonely on the weekends. It was only Friday night. Pat down.

[Allison Rosen]

There's quite a pat down screening procedure for people who work at Amazon warehouses packing up stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they do it in diamond mines. They X ray you because you'll eat the shit. Pardon the pun. I mean, imagine there you are in a diamond mine and you come across something the size of a walnut that can keep you and your fucking whole family taken Care of for the next 50 years. You're going to go turn that in or might you pop it in your mouth?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that's why I don't write for other people. If I think of a gym.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, you're gonna shit that thing out yourself.

[Mark Norman]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm shitting that funny spaghetti colander.

[Allison Rosen]

As if working at a diamond mine isn't unsafe enough. Wouldn't all those X rays be bad for you?

[Mark Norman]

Well, they're minor and maybe you're not

[Allison Rosen]

gonna make it that long to get cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

And it reminds me of a correction we showed. We were talking about Qualcomm Stadium and San Diego and stuff and bringing the bag in and all that kind of. That's league wide.

[Brian Bishop]

Apparently it is.

[Adam Carolla]

There are no bags brought in that can be brought into any studio. So I've seen the tweet, so I will correct that. And the diamond mine thing, Gary, you can look it up. I don't know if they still do it or if they have a better way of doing it or if they. How they. How they work it out.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, the next rays.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you imagine?

Yeah.

I don't know if there's a more

[Brian Bishop]

modern way to whatever responsible miners use. MRI machines.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying I don't know how they do it or if they still do it. Millimeter wave would be tough in the old days where you were the guy whose job it was to follow the guy home and watch him.

[Giovanni]

Shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Gotcha.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm gonna need that shit. I don't know what you're doing with that toilet.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't flush.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you shit my hat. I'll take it outside and pick it up off. And then if everything looks good, I'll go back to the market.

[Allison Rosen]

I'd be like, just X ray the shit. You have to always be shitting into a little dish.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd have to trust people.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, you have to put a little vest on the shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, A hat and a monocle.

[Brian Bishop]

Be all the scraping on the way out. Diamonds in your poop.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, come on. It's a good scrape.

[Brian Bishop]

Roughage.

[Adam Carolla]

No, listen, I get it. I'm just saying, imagine you take some of the most impoverished people in the world. World, and you tell them, unearth this stuff or look for this stuff, and maybe this was back in the day and they do it a different way now or something. And now they come across something and there's nobody around. There's going to be pretty high incidence of folks wanting to get out of there with that shit, right?

[Mark Norman]

And is a diamond worth less if you shit it? Because, you know, they're like, oh, it's a little cloudy. And you're like, well, this one's been shit. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know, I feel like your, you know, your intestines, like the ultimate rock tumbler, if you think about it.

[Mark Norman]

Right. It's a filter.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. Yeah, interesting.

[Mark Norman]

But, you know, you take an action figure out of the package, it's over a diamond out of an ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I know, but. But look at a pearl. You know what I mean?

[Mark Norman]

Yes. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's just a weird zit on a oyster or something, right? Or clam or something.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what it is.

[Caller Kathleen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not much to it. It's a weird. Weird fucking boil on the ass of them.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

It starts off as a grain of sand, right?

[Caller John from Seattle]

Mm.

[Mark Norman]

But I guess a C section, baby, I feel like, is worth less.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, no, I agree. They came out of the package wrong way.

[Mark Norman]

Yes, exactly.

[Allison Rosen]

Effective.

[Mark Norman]

Send it back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I got a couple of those and I put them on ebay and it was like, I couldn't get anything.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, no,

[Adam Carolla]

as of July this year, there were still companies exploring.

[Allison Rosen]

Employing.

[Adam Carolla]

Employing. Sorry, Employing X ray. I put the X in front of that. Employing X ray techs to deter theft. So, yes, they still do that.

[Allison Rosen]

So, anyway, back to the situation over at Amazon. The screening process at the end of a shift can take a long time. The U.S. supreme Court said that employers do not have to pay for the screening time because they were wanting to be paid. Like, if it takes half an hour at the end of my shift till I get out of here, I should be paid for that. And I actually think they should.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, of course.

[Allison Rosen]

But the U.S. supreme Court handed a victory to the employers over the workers compensation in this case.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, to me, I always go back to the origin of this, which is, I'm guessing Amazon noticed a bunch of shit missing. So that's where this whole thing started, which is a bunch of stuff is missing. And as I always sort of want to say, if we want to avoid all this, don't steal anything, and then we can avoid this. This is implemented because there was a problem. It's like the metal detectors at school, I'm assuming. Yeah, people were shooting people at school, so they put the metal detectors up. They didn't put them up first when we were going to school, so we can't avoid this. And if I was Amazon, I think I would say, look, I'll tell You what? We don't want to hold you guys up. Let's do this. Let's implement this policy. No screening for the month of February. But if you steal anything, we're going to know when we take inventory. And by the way, we'll kill one of you.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what they should do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. How about an anonymous system, which is if you see anybody doing anything, tell us.

[Caller John from Seattle]

We'll get.

[Adam Carolla]

Give you a gift card to us.

[Brian Bishop]

Barnes and Noble, ironically, to steal something, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

We will give you a gift card. No, we will. You see anyone drop a dime on them, and then we won't have to all get patted down on the way out, and then we can remove this whole system. But if we go through the month of February and we still got a whole bunch of shit missing, that'll be on you.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, you can do that for the whole country.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let's do it down. Let's try it. You know, I was just thinking about. I miss commercial. I missed shows where it's a shopping spree where they'd be running and throwing, like, canned hams and stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Go for the diapers, supermarket suite, go over the dice.

[Adam Carolla]

They're in that vortex of dollar bills trying to stuff shit in their mouth. It was something so satisfying. And they'd be running and the guy would yell. The guy grab a sack of potatoes. His wife would be like, are you nuts? You know which room that's got to take up. Get the candy ham, the canned ham, the 39 bucks. You know, they'd be throwing the canned

[Allison Rosen]

ham in any of that anymore.

[Mark Norman]

Imagine a third world country guy watching that show. Like, is this how it is?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

We'd be like, ah, it's an off day.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Tuesday noon.

[Caller John from Seattle]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I miss the running. I think the lawyers probably just went, someone's going to roll an ankle and then own the fucking supermarket or something.

[Brian Bishop]

I disagree. Because if Fear Factor exists, you can run through a supermarket.

[Mark Norman]

Good point.

[Brian Bishop]

If Wipeout exists, you can run through a supermarket.

[Allison Rosen]

See, it's like when Wheel of Fortune stopped having the showcase that you'd go shop in. I wonder if people lost interest in watching people shop or something.

[Brian Bishop]

It's when Vanna stopped turning letters.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take that grandfather clock for $49,000. Thanks, Pat. And put the rest on a certificate or account. Remember Zodiac wraps and Crafts? Grandfather clocks it like shit. You never find. I'll buy that tent for 18, right? Hold 18, people. The product's a huge tent.

[Mark Norman]

They want a dinette set. Who the fuck wants a dinette set? I'm 17.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm convinced that the guys who used to run the blue chip trading stamp and the green trading stamps they used to buy, you used to get trading stamps. This is a super depressed white trash thing they would do back in the day. It predates you kids.

[Allison Rosen]

It was before Marlboro Miles.

[Adam Carolla]

Long before Marlboro Miles.

[Brian Bishop]

Before camel bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

Before camel bucks. You would get, I think was called S and H for some reason, blue chip or green trading stamps. So if you went to the supermarket and you bought more than $15 worth of items, you got like 20 stamps. And if you went to the soup, if you went to the gas station, you filled up, up, you'd get 20 stamps. You just keep getting these, like, bonus stamps wherever you went. And then you'd get these books and you'd paste them in just like, regular stamps. And then if you turn in, you know, and then you'd go, you get the catalog, and for 17 books, you could get a croquet set. It was all just cheap nothing. But there was something about, oh, it's free. Although it wasn't free. You had to buy 1700 gallons of gas in order to. To get $12 worth of croquet set. But that's what we did. That's how they did it.

[Mark Norman]

You had time for that. I mean, that's like clipping coupons. I just don't care enough.

[Adam Carolla]

When you are super poor and super downtrodden, you have all the time in the world to waste on nothing.

[Mark Norman]

I know, but I had a friend, he collected Marlboro books. He had, like, a chest full of them. And every party, he'd be like, give me your pack. Give me that pack. And he would pick them off the ground and shit. And then he's like, I'm getting the jet Ski. And now he's like, 37 and he's. He's no Jet Ski. Nothing came of it. I think they stopped doing it or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, either way, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Tip it, cunt. Yeah, I know. Speaking out of my vagina.

[Dawson]

That was the news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, let's just save yourself the time and get the man. Great man. 100% made in America. 100% cast iron. Sits on top of your existing grill. And these things are bad. Mama Jamas steakhouse flavor, no flare ups. Protects the meat, man. And it doesn't matter. Yeah, I said meat. I said protects the meat.

[Caller Kathleen]

Meat, meat, meat.

[Adam Carolla]

Meat, meat, Chicken meat. All right. The point is this. Whatever you're cooking, whether it's meat or neat meat, man, grate is good for what ails you, man. And you take advantage of the Adam Carolla Show Holiday Special 1999. When you enter Adam at checkout limited time, you order four of the mangrates and you get the fourth one free. So you pay for three and you get four. That's mangrate.com. enter the coupon code Adam. Oh, okay, Brian. Just waiting for the need. Where were we? Yeah, us. Anaheim, Agoura Hills, all that kind of stuff. Take a knee. Coming up. Catch a contractor. If you've been screwed over and you're in LA or in Vegas, you can hit them [e-mail] and Mangria for the holidays, man. Mark Norman, Stand Up Special. Still got it. It's available on Amazon. You click through AdamCarolla.com and the podcast Tuesdays with Stories. That is new episodes every. Every Tuesday on itunes. And what you can do is go to Mark Norman. Mark Norman, Comedy Mark with a K. Normancomedy.com to find out the dates. Mark's gonna be playing around the country. Thanks, Mark.

[Mark Norman]

Thank you for having me. It's an honor.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, Adam Kroll from Mark Norman, Allison Rosen, and Ball. Brian. Say it. Mahalo. Oh, sweetie, get over it. I was getting my dick wet.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Hello and welcome to Pluto. For if you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch. Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

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Men in Black, one through three.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Mean Girls, shut up. Titanic, I'm the king of the world. And so much more. For Showtimes, press Nothing. They're free 24. 7.

[Adam Carolla]

That is so effective on Pluto TV.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

TV stream now, pay never.

[Giovanni]

All right, those adam Crow Show, 1472. That does it for this weekend's cruel classics. Make sure to tune next weekend for three Element installments. Until then, mahalo and get off.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Hello, and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you knew the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic Men in Black, one through three.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Mean Girls, Shut up. Titanic, I'm the king of the world. And so much more. For Showtime's press Nothing. They're free 247 that is so effective on Pluto TV. Stream now pay Never.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Pluto TV Announcer]

podcast hello and welcome to plutofo. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman. The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Men in Black one through three.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Mean Girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Shut up.

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[Adam Carolla]

I'm the king of the world.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

And so much more. For Showtime's press. Nothing. They're free 24. 7.

[Adam Carolla]

That is so effective on Pluto TV.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Stream now pay Never.