Add it Again: What to Keep, What to Leave 2024

Summary

Add to Cart with Kulap Vilaysack & SuChin Pak – Episode: "Add it Again: What to Keep, What to Leave 2024"

Release Date: December 31, 2024

In the reflective season finale of Add to Cart, hosts Kulap Vilaysack and SuChin Pak delve deep into their personal journeys of evaluation and transformation as they prepare to welcome the new year. This episode, titled "Add it Again: What to Keep, What to Leave 2024," intertwines humor, heartfelt anecdotes, and introspective conversations about consumerism, self-care, and emotional well-being. Here's a comprehensive summary capturing all the key points, discussions, insights, and conclusions from their lively exchange.

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1. Annual Reflection: Setting the Stage

Timestamp: [02:02]

As the episode kicks off, Kulap and SuChin embrace their tradition of annual reflection. They discuss the concept of "what to keep and what to leave," framing it not just around consumer choices but also around emotional and mental investments. Kulap humorously remarks, "What should I let go of? What should I keep?" highlighting the seamless blend of lifestyle and personal growth in their discussions.

2. What We're Keeping: Embracing Positivity and Self-Care

a. Early Christmas Shopping Deadline

Timestamp: [04:23]

Kulap shares her strategy of setting a November 1st deadline for Christmas shopping. By doing so, she avoids the December rush, allowing herself time to enjoy the holidays without the stress of last-minute preparations. "I'm not in the fray of December," Kulap explains, emphasizing how this approach serves as a form of self-care.

Sujin resonates with this sentiment, adding, "People are the default host, and your home is the default gathering place... It cannot be done and feel good about the holidays without setting boundaries."

b. Endorphin Dressing: A Burst of Joy Through Fashion

Timestamp: [07:42]

Kulap introduces the concept of "endorphin dressing," a practice of wearing vibrant and quirky clothing that boosts her mood and sparks conversations. She credits the Brazilian brand Farm Rio for inspiring her, stating, "It's a conversation starter... It’s fun. It’s quirky."

Sujin echoes this by saying, "I've always been somewhat of an endorphin dresser and have just gotten weirder into it as I've gotten older." Together, they celebrate their colorful wardrobes as expressions of individuality and sources of daily joy.

c. Embracing Comfortable Footwear: The Crocs Revelation

Timestamp: [10:01]

A humorous yet empowering segment unfolds as Sujin reveals her commitment to wearing Crocs despite initial ridicule. "These are bone-colored matte ivory Crocs," she proudly declares. Her anecdotes about positive interactions, like traffic stopping and strangers complimenting her shoes, illustrate how she redefines socially stigmatized items as symbols of comfort and personal strength.

Kulap playfully accuses her, saying, "I'm a member," leading Sujin to embrace her choice with feminist fervor: "What the Crocs say is, your male gaze is not welcome. It's not valued, and I certainly didn't ask for it."

3. Personal Stories: Navigating Loss and Mental Health

a. Honoring Loved Ones: Culap’s Tribute

Timestamp: [22:07]

Kulap opens up about the recent passing of her father-in-law, Bert Aukerman. She shares heartfelt memories, describing him as a "kind of best sort of parental figure" and recounts his service in Vietnam and dedication to family. Kulap's poignant reflections provide a deep emotional layer to the episode, highlighting the importance of honoring and remembering loved ones.

b. Confronting Anxiety: Sujin’s Battle with Hypervigilance

Timestamp: [37:48]

Sujin delves into her struggle with hypervigilance, defining it as "a trauma response" that keeps her constantly on alert, even in safe environments. She explains how this affects her interactions and overall well-being: "Home can feel like the safest spot to be, but getting it outside of your comfort zone is essential."

Kulap relates by sharing her own experiences, emphasizing the exhausting nature of hypervigilance and the challenge of letting go: "It's a lot of work and it's exhausting."

4. Balancing Self-Care with Emotional Challenges

Throughout the episode, Kulap and Sujin navigate the delicate balance between self-care and managing emotional burdens. They discuss strategies for setting boundaries, supporting each other, and finding humor amidst challenges. Sujin's playful analogy comparing her dog's antics to her hypervigilant thoughts adds levity while underscoring the complexity of mental health struggles: "This dog is my brain, is my hypervigilance."

Kulap adds, "It's the trap for somebody who's hyper vigilant because it's always like you're protecting yourself from getting hurt," highlighting the internal conflicts that come with such emotional states.

5. Looking Forward: Embracing Change and Growth

Timestamp: [52:08]

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts express hope and determination for the upcoming year. "We hope this year brings you everything you're hoping for," Kulap shares, reflecting on their podcast's growth over four years. Sujin adds, "It's a fun diary entry from your favorite aunties," encapsulating the supportive and engaging nature of their conversations.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [04:23] Kulap Vilaysack: "I'm not in the fray of December."
• [07:42] Sujin Pak: "It's a conversation starter... It’s fun. It’s quirky."
• [10:01] Sujin Pak: "These are bone-colored matte ivory Crocs."
• [16:48] Sujin Pak: "When you're a Crocker, I'm gonna croc."
• [22:07] Kulap Vilaysack: "I just want to say a few words of just like how, how great of a man he was."
• [37:48] Sujin Pak: "There's something wrong with me, that I'm making these kinds of choices that you know that I have to fix."
• [44:50] Sujin Pak: "This dog is my brain, is my hyper vigilance."
• [52:08] Kulap Vilaysack: "I can hardly believe it's been four years of ATC."

Conclusion

"Add it Again: What to Keep, What to Leave 2024" is a compelling blend of humor, introspection, and heartfelt storytelling. Kulap Vilaysack and SuChin Pak invite listeners into their personal lives, offering relatable insights into maintaining joy through self-care practices like endorphin dressing and embracing comfort, while also grappling with deeper emotional challenges like loss and anxiety. Their authentic and supportive dialogue provides both entertainment and solace, making this episode a meaningful capstone to the year.

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Note: This summary is based on the provided transcript, which appears to include segments from advertisements and other podcasts. The key content relevant to Add to Cart has been emphasized, with extraneous sections omitted as per the instructions.

Transcript

[Host 1]

Are you interested in how ordinary people turn their big ideas into a business? Want to learn from real entrepreneurs and get actionable advice on how they succeeded? Then this is Small Business behind the Buy Is for you. It's the official companion podcast to Prime Video's new show called Buy it now, where entrepreneurs compete to win $20,000. In each episode, you hear directly from the winning entrepreneurs, revealing the backstories, challenges, and the business strategies that turn their dreams into reality. Follow this is Small Business behind the Buy on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And big thanks to this is Small Business for sponsoring the show.

[Reshma Sajani]

Hi, I'm Reshma Sajani, founder of Girls who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so Called Midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building a playbook for navigating midlife one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so Called Midlife is out now, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Lemonada. Also with that fire. Boy.

[Sujin Pak]

You forgot your bling. Bling. Wait.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Hi. Hi, Carters. Hi. Hi.

[Sujin Pak]

I thought you were just saying hi to me. I'm sorry. Yes. Recording a podcast. Hi.

[Culap Vilaysak]

This is what Emmy does. All she's.

[Sujin Pak]

Hi, Emmy. It kills every time. That routine will never get old. It will kill every time.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Hi.

[Sujin Pak]

Hi.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Carter's. Welcome back. It's the new year, but the same aunties. You. Yeah, we're the same.

[Sujin Pak]

I'm Cuckoo Vilasa. And I'm Sujin Pa Ku. The holidays are over. We did it.

[Culap Vilaysak]

We did it.

[Sujin Pak]

We did it. I've been waiting to get back into this coffin for a few months now. And it's time. It's time. And we always do an episode around this time of the year where we talk about all the revelations, all the self discoveries we've had. We look back and we wonder what worked and what didn't. Right?

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah. Yeah. And I think we established this years ago. Since we've been doing this podcast since the late 90s. It just feels like it.

[Sujin Pak]

Yes. In podcast years it is.

[Culap Vilaysak]

You're right. You're right. It's a different timeline for podcasts. You know, this whole idea of like resolutions. I do like the more introspective, like, hey, like goals are great, but like, what should I let go of? What should I keep? What should I let go of to make room for correct. What should I make sure to hold on to? I like these sentiments. Feel. Feel very atc.

[Sujin Pak]

Yes.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Feel very nice. You know, maybe because it's a lot like what should I buy, what should I return? But that's about feelings.

[Sujin Pak]

That too.

[Culap Vilaysak]

It's about lifestyle. It's time. It's time to do this annual. Our annual what to keep, what to leave. We're going to talk about what we're bringing with us in 20 and what we're tossing into the winds of the past. What we're throwing into our lomi and setting to grind. Let's get into it. All right. Let's talk about what we're keeping. You know, and for me, I was like, ugh, I don't know what to talk about. I don't know what to talk about when we do this. I've been so in. In the holiday mode and now we're getting out of it. But so I start there. I start with saying sucha and pak. I'm keeping the November 1st deadline for Christmas shopping. I'm gonna do it again next year.

[Sujin Pak]

Speak more, speak more on that because I did a December 1st and I feel the same way. So I'm wondering if we both landed on some, some revelations about putting an early deadline.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I like it cuz it just is like I'm not, I'm not in the fray of December and this. And I'll talk about the details further in the show. But like I've been so busy. Soojin. To have tried to be scurrying around online or in the stores would have. I think I would have ended me. I'm really being honest. Like to have that just set aside, you know, and maybe, maybe Soochin, maybe the gifts weren't as inspired. Perhaps. Perhaps Sue. But at the same time, who cares? Who cares? I really think at the end of the day it was a form of self care.

[Sujin Pak]

Oh, that's the headline of setting an early get all the gifts done. You're right, it is it. That is exactly everything. It is a form of self care from two admittedly shopaholics, from two obsessive shoppers. It absolutely was self care. And we've said it before and I'll Say it again for you. The holiday days are packed because for many reasons you are the default host in a lot of people's lives and your home is the default gathering place in a lot of people's lives.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Pak]

It's just, it can't be done. You can't do all that and feel good about the holidays and enjoy the holidays and have the cookie cook off and the, you know, place settings just so you can't.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I can't. And with Emerald now, these are the things that you know, she is as listeners know has been walking since ten and a half months and we have been non stop since that point. Nonstop. Gotta keep her alive. Gotta. Gotta let her explore. Gotta let her play with the gravel. Let her touch the gravel and then. Not in the mouth.

[Sujin Pak]

I was saying put it in the mouth and then we spit it out.

[Culap Vilaysak]

We're not at a place of spitting out yet. It's still. If it's in the mouth. Got to get it. Got to go in. Got to fish it out.

[Sujin Pak]

Got to get in while she shakes her head.

[Culap Vilaysak]

No, got to get in there. Got to get that gravel. And that's where we're at. And so. Okay, so this is a new lifestyle. As much as I can. November 1st. And then I was done. Done by your deadline. Yeah. You know and I need help from such. And Pak Soochinpak's coming through.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah, we have that help from each other. We have that help from the show from the people that drop by. You need that period to sort of like just finish off the ones that need a little bit that you didn't quite get right away. There are just some people, you know. Oh, I know exactly what I'm getting. So you need that. Okay. I love it.

[Culap Vilaysak]

And then the other thing that I wanna throw in and we'll go. Cause I think it kind of. It kind of connects to your keep is I'm gonna keep this endorphin dressing that has been 2023 for cuckoofee lifestyle.

[Sujin Pak]

Explain. Explain to everyone what you mean by that.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Okay. So I think it actually started after somebody who like I've got basics and staples up the ass. Like I was looking. I remember maybe, maybe it was two years ago. What do I have? Black crayon, Navy white. So much of that. So much of that. I think it was a couple years back I started getting into Farm Rio. It's a Brazilian company.

[Sujin Pak]

It's only endorphins.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Bright endorphins. And that planted a seed for lala.

[Sujin Pak]

That's right. I was like. And it grew. That tiny seed, grew a jungle called Lala.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Lala. And it's not all the time, but when I tell you. And I like it, I like it. I like small talk, Sue. I like engaging with people on the streets in this manner. When I wear stuff from Dresden. Lala. It's a conversation starter.

[Sujin Pak]

Traffic. Traffic stops traffic.

[Culap Vilaysak]

We're having conversations. We're having fun little talks with, like, people. Lazy Acres. This is your nightmare. But I'm engaging people on a surface level that is just so delightful. And on top of that, it's. The thing is, because I feel great. It's fun. It's quirky.

[Sujin Pak]

Yes.

[Culap Vilaysak]

You know what I mean? It's like.

[Sujin Pak]

Yes, I do. I feel like I've always been somewhat of an endorphin dresser and I've just gotten weirder and weirder into it as I've gotten older. So I agree.

[Culap Vilaysak]

This it right here. Right here. Sue, you nailed it. I'm like, I am in my eccentric stage. And it's not eccentric. I don't give a fuck. I literally don't give any middle fingers up anymore.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah, middle fingers up phase. Yeah.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah. That's where I'm at. It feels really good. So I'm keeping that. So tell me what you're keeping.

[Sujin Pak]

Well, kind of along the lines of endorphin dressing. Just bear with me on this audio, guys. Cause I have a prop and I have to.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Oh, here's this prop. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. I'm really excited. With bated breath, I wait for what this prop is. She's cackling silently.

[Sujin Pak]

Okay, wait, can you, can you hear the. A jingling?

[Reshma Sajani]

What?

[Sujin Pak]

Can you hear the jingling?

[Culap Vilaysak]

Okay, are you hearing a jingle?

[Sujin Pak]

Let me show you what it is, what that jingle is. Guys, I'm putting them on my feet. I'm keeping these shoes that I wear every single day.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Hold on. This is a huge reveal, everybody. Tiffany is losing her mind.

[Sujin Pak]

Explain.

[Culap Vilaysak]

So, wow, you've been lying.

[Sujin Pak]

Explain what you see.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I'm sorry. No, not yet. No, not yet. Soochin Pak, after so much protesting, after.

[Sujin Pak]

So much ridicule, disgust, ridicule, disdain.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Is wearing Crocs. She's shaking Crocs at us. But why?

[Sujin Pak]

Why? What does it look like?

[Culap Vilaysak]

Beautiful chain on them. They're bone colored.

[Sujin Pak]

That's right. It's a bone colored matte ivory croc platform, okay? With a matte chain. Just, just dream on that for a moment.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Dream on that. Now look, while. While she's talking, I want to let the listeners know what our team has.

[Sujin Pak]

In all caps, is saying in the.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Meeting chat, what are they saying? Tiffany goes. Goes, heck, yeah. Oh, my God. Keegan comes through with, whoa, Huge. Tiffany comes back on and says, this is the best day of my life. Ha ha ha. And Keegan says, no need to dream. It's a reality. Like, this is. This is truth here. This is truth. Wow. Such and park. Wow.

[Sujin Pak]

I wanna. I wanna watch.

[Culap Vilaysak]

You have been. You have been lying through omission in our group.

[Sujin Pak]

No, no, I have been lying. I have been lying, period lying. And I want to take you back. And I was doing some Christmas shopping on this damn site, and I came across these. I was like, huh? I mean, the color I like. I love a white shoe. Any form of a white shoe. And then it's the matte chain. And I was like, that's fashion, baby.

[Culap Vilaysak]

So I ordered that exact pair from Dana. It's for Dana.

[Sujin Pak]

They came and I said, those are disgusting. That toe is not an adult toe. That's not a sophisticated toe. That's not a toe that should be out on adult feet. But that matte chain kept pulling me back, kept pulling me back. And so I would wear them. And God damn it, they're so comfortable. And so I've been wearing these things around town. First, let me just tell you. Mike's reaction is like, you look like a terrible cartoon. Like a Bozo the Clown cartoon. And that just egged me on. I said, don't give me fuel to the fire. And I have been walking around in these things. Traffic stop, people out the window, into stores. Zoe is my witness. The other day, the three of us, I don't even know where we were. Oh, yeah, the whole family. We decided to go into this cute little, like, bodega that just opened up, like, a concept bodega, if you will. And I went in, and it was just like, five indie girls in a band, all working there with long, flowy hair. And they all come over and they're like, oh, my God, you're Crocs. And I look at Zoe and I say, I'm a phenom. I am a legend here in Santa Barbara. But I have to tell you, keeping this under wraps from you so that I could reveal it at this moment in time has been tough, and I have felt bad. Number one, if you remember, a while ago, Mike recorded me reacting to a soccer game that my son was in.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yes, I do recall that.

[Sujin Pak]

And he posted the video of it without my knowledge. And when I saw it, I said, oh, my God, you have to take that down. And he was like, it's not. It's good. Don't worry. I know it feels embarrassing, but I promise. And I was like, no, no, no. That's not the reason you have my Crocs in the shot. You have to CR. Crop out the Crocs because Coolop doesn't know that I've got Crocs. Now I'm, like, waiting to keep it. So when he. He was like, ugh. So he reformatted the video to crop out my Crocs to keep this secret.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Oh, my God.

[Sujin Pak]

Okay.

[Culap Vilaysak]

The duplicity. Duplicity. I mean, Tiffany Keegan.

[Sujin Pak]

And it turns out I feel fine. Turns out I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm comfortable with lying. I was not. I didn't have any qualms about it. I had no qualms about it. Many times afterwards, laughing at you and your Crocs and your whatever. A Croctober while I had these on my little tootsies the whole time.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Wow.

[Sujin Pak]

While you said you're part of the Croc club or whatever.

[Culap Vilaysak]

The stupid thing is, don't even say whatever, because I know you're a member as well now, you little liar.

[Sujin Pak]

I'm a member. And the whole time I have been crocking it.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Producer Tiffany, in the chat, she's quoting you. I'm comfortable with lying. Suchin Pak, veteran journalist.

[Sujin Pak]

I'm comfortable with lying in my Crocs because my Crocs are comfortable doing anything, even lying.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Wow.

[Sujin Pak]

Take that to the tagline. Let's take that to Croc hq. They're so comfortable. You'll even be comfortable lying.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I was gonna say I'm so. I apologize to our engineer, Brian. I have screamed it in this mic. I've screamed in this mic when it was happening. I am so. I'm so shocked. I'm so shocked. I'm delighted. But the lady doth protest too much. And I've learned. I've learned a lesson. I've learned a lesson. I've been fooled.

[Sujin Pak]

And you talk about endorphin dressing.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Talk about it. Speak on a sister.

[Sujin Pak]

The thing is, endorphin dressing generally is quite ugly. And I'm saying ugly in the sense of, like, what is mainstream? And I'm saying ugly as a woman. What is the male gaze?

[Culap Vilaysak]

Mm. Mm.

[Sujin Pak]

I'm taking Crocs to another level. I'm taking it to the level of feminism. Yes, baby. And what the Crocs say is, what.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Do they say, sis?

[Sujin Pak]

It saith, your male gaze is not welcome. It's not valued and I certainly didn't ask for it. Oh, that's what crocs say.

[Culap Vilaysak]

You know what I mean?

[Sujin Pak]

Like, now that I'm a crocker, I'm a fucking motherfucking Crocker.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sujin Pak]

When you male are like, I'm like, thank you. Now keep it moving, Keep it moving. Keep it the fuck moving. Because I'm gonna croc. And this ain't about you.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I'm doing my croc walk.

[Sujin Pak]

I'm doing my croc walk for me, for my baby Coo. And for all my ladies who say to the male gaze, middle fingers up. And that's also endorphin dressing. Cause that makes me high.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Wow. To quote the Queen BAE herself, the ultimate.

[Sujin Pak]

The ultimate crocker.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Oh, she's cozy. She's cozy. Cozy. Oh, I know.

[Sujin Pak]

She's my skin. She's a knee high. Special edition crocs that we will never see. The ugliest things in the world. Just telling everybody to crock off.

[Culap Vilaysak]

It's interesting because I have not felt invisible. Like, I understand that women our age or have that feeling, and I don't feel that way. And I think it's like, oh, why? Because you're wearing Crocs. Huge Crocs at Home Depot. Platform, Platform with oversized sweater that has a huge puffy print smiley face from La La Land.

[Sujin Pak]

You're not gonna put baby in this corner. Not in this corner. I. I don't fit in that corner.

[Tiffany Bui]

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[Host 1]

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[Culap Vilaysak]

Wow. Okay, sue, we're about to make a hard right turn.

[Sujin Pak]

Well, guess what? I'm okay with it because I'm in my Crocs now.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Okay, here comes that hard right, Sue. That hard right of what we're gonna leave behind. I think for both of us, Sue. We record this a little earlier than when it comes out. And so I'm coming off of 48 hours of celebrating the life of my beloved father in law, Bert Aukerman. And we had a. A celebration of life ceremony in Orange county at his church where, you know, 100 plus people came. And then just yesterday we had his veterans honors and he is being laid to rest at the veterans cemetery in. Right off the 405 in LA. Had the 21 gun salute. I'm sorry if I. That's not the right way to put it. And then we had just family over to our house to talk about hosting.

[Sujin Pak]

I mean, heavy, heavy. Lots, lots of emotional hosting as well.

[Culap Vilaysak]

You know, and it's been a couple months since he's passed, but, you know, seeing the niche where he'll be laid formally to rest is, you know, it's final, Sue. It's final. So I'm leaving behind a life without my father in law. And I don't, you know, I think we talked about it on POD as Emmy's birthday was coming up, you know, hoping that he would make it to her birthday. And he did and passed away a couple weeks afterwards. His birthday's a day before hers, so he made it to his 79th year. I just want to say a few words of just like how, how great of a man he was. I've known and I've entered the Aukerman family since I was 19 years old. And on that last day of his life in the hospital, I was able to tell him that just to thank him for being probably the kind of best sort of parental figure that I've ever had and to tell him how much I love him and how much he's meant to me and to say how funny I think he is. And I was listening to people talk about him at the memorial ceremony and just how he could be so serious. But there was this side of him that was really kind of a mischief maker, you know, and of course he's gonna be serious with his kids, you know, with Scott and with his Greg who passed away and Bethany. But it's like with me, you know, my personality is mischievous as well. So my memories of him are really just like being across the table at like Thanksgiving or Christmas stuff and just like laughing and like, I. There's times where we would have him like, crying, laughing, but like silently like crying laughing because we were like, honestly making fun of Linda. We were making fun of his beloved. His wife. His wife Linda, who they were together since they were 15 and 16, the two of them, you know. And he's just a person that really taught me about loyalty and about showing up for the people who you love. This is a man who fought in Vietnam, was part of the National Guard afterwards, who really believed in service. Somebody who his love language was helping his loved ones be moving. For Scott, when he got his. Bought his first condo in like Toluca Lake, putting down flooring for four months, driving all the way from Orange county, and when he was even younger, moving him from place to place, he did. That's. That's what Bert did. I mean, he was so capable. Like, he did full. He did a full home renovation when they lived back in Orange County. Like moved a kitchen from one end to another, but did it completely himself. And then when they retired to Payson, Arizona, he built that house himself. I'm talking decking. I'm talking. And this is before, you know, people learning how to do things on YouTube and TikTok. Like, he just was that guy. He knew how to not only take things apart, but to build things, you know. And, you know, I just hope. I think when we. When we had his sister and his s. A lot of her kids and their kids at the house over yesterday. And I just thought, you know, Bert would have loved this, to have us all come together like we did. He really would have. And you know how the pandemic was and he got sick. It was really hard to come. It's just been years since, I don't know, maybe decade places we came together like that. But like, I felt him, you know, I felt him in us playing around and I felt him seeing Emmy play with his sister's grandkids. That was really special. That was really, really special. We were so like ideologically different in politics and in religion in the sense that he's religious and I'm not at all. Except for the religion of Christmas, as you all know. And by Christmas, you know, I mean trees and Santa and cookie competitions. But he. He loved me. Yeah, he loved me and I loved him. And so he lives on through Emerald Birdie. Yeah. So that's what I leave behind.

[Sujin Pak]

You know, it's interesting because I think that, like, I think that you and your father in law and myself and my father in law, we have very similar relationships. And, you know, I think that your in laws can be, you know, just as triggering as your parents, and you can have very difficult relationships. But there is a certain type of relationship that you can have with your in laws that frees you from the pain that you had with your own parents and gets to heal some of that with a parental figure that is not attached to that. And that is it for me as well with my father in law. Like, I think that there's like.

[Culap Vilaysak]

You mean our. Our avid listener, Jules Bender.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah, our number one listener Jules Bender got his ass to our live show.

[Culap Vilaysak]

All the way to Hollywood.

[Sujin Pak]

I begged him not to come. There he was. Took an Uber from Santa Barbara. But I think that, like, at least for me, the ability to be in each other's presence and be very light about it and hold everything very light is something that I really treasure. Like, I don't like when I sit with my parents. It's a different type of feeling and it's a different type of dynamic. There's a heaviness, there's a. And in good and bad ways, there's a history, you know, like, with him, I get to sort of make. Have been able to make it more as like a formed adult. So it is a different relationship. And I. My brain won't even let me take in what you're saying.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I understand.

[Sujin Pak]

I understand what you're feeling. And it's a. It's. It's such a. Such an incredibly. God, I mean, just the word is just very healing relationship. And that sounds so weird to say that about your in laws, but it can be, you know, especially for us who have had very difficult, traumatic relationships with our parents, I think.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah, no, you're crystallizing something for me right now. Yeah, it was, it was. It was healing. It was. It was steady. It was consistent.

[Sujin Pak]

You didn't have a father figure even, like.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Well, no, I mean, my dad growing up was, you know, I'm sorry that I'm a competitive person that hands out awards, I guess, at all times.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah.

[Culap Vilaysak]

But between the two, my mom and my stepdad, My stepdad was a very steady presence. He's not as much in my life now, and we're not in any feud. It's just what it is. And you know, and meanwhile, my mom will be here, has been here for. Has been a long time, and it's been perfectly great. And honestly, Sue, I want to give a shout out to my mom and give her some flowers. I rarely do this, but she's been a real champ this long trip and that is her custom to be here for like a couple months. She's a little snowbird but this trip she's been so helpful with like walking the dogs and like just helping around the house in a way that like for my mom guys is I'm saying it's like it's been nice. It's been a nice trip and she's been really helpful and supportive. So that part's good. That part's good. But so you know. Well maybe I'll give my mom an award this time as well. I'm Andy. I guess I just hand out ribbons here and there, you know.

[Sujin Pak]

Ribbons? What are you talking about? You're the only person and friend group because you all do it. I don't know you're keeping the trophy business single handedly alive. I don't know any group of people that buys more customers trophies than this group.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah. And I don't know if you know a person who when Matthew twice now has made up a bunch of awards and he said you can keep one for yourself and has and I have kept one every time I've awarded myself every time such and poc I give one to me.

[Sujin Pak]

That's my single handedly keeping really a business that should be dead.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah. We should have moved on. We're in a digital age and yet digital age and here we are.

[Sujin Pak]

You can comment, you can like things you can repost and yet these fools are ordering truly plastic personalized trophies from God.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Metal.

[Sujin Pak]

There's metal, metal fancy trophies from hopefully somewhere you know in this country keeping that industry alive.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Don't know. Not and not going to follow up soon. Not following up.

[Sujin Pak]

Let's assume the best that's also let's keep that 2024.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Assume 2024.

[Tiffany Bui]

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[Sujin Pak]

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[Culap Vilaysak]

Sue, what are you leaving?

[Sujin Pak]

Well, I'm leaving behind. What is another turn? Hypervigilance.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I know, I know that term. I live that term. Very familiar.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah.

[Culap Vilaysak]

You know, but for those who aren't. For those who aren't, what is it?

[Sujin Pak]

I know this term, but I didn't really soak in until recently. And for our listeners, you and me and Naomi had an in person lunch over the holidays. And I can't remember the last time I saw Naomi in person. And I mean I think the last time we saw each other was maybe live show.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah, that sounds right.

[Sujin Pak]

That's a long time ago. That was in May. That was in May. And so I don't see. We don't get together in a room very often either. And I had a lot of like anxiety before and as I always joke on here afterwards, you know, it takes me two, three days to really recuperate. Like, I mean not to sound like a, like a Montecito princess, but I mean I spent all day Monday at my bodyworks persons just trying to get my body back in shape.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Well, also sue, you were going from. And this is, you know, we've all talked about Suchin Park's retirement. She's driving to la. She has lunch with the three of us. We have lunch and then you were going to a birthday dinner. So you're wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

[Sujin Pak]

No, of course. Cause I'm only there for less than 24 hours, you know, so I'm wham, bam, I'm packing it in. But I just want to say I'm packing it in with my nearest and dearest fair. I don't do bullshit. I'm setting this up because I think that people think social anxiety or anxiety around that is Necessarily a room full of strangers or even a room full of a lot of people. But for me, that social anxiety is and can be in an intimate setting. It can be with just two of, you know, of people who I feel completely myself with. And so I was sort of thinking about this. I was like, wow, there's a difference between the life that I want to live. Right. And I joke about being in a coffin. And then there's ladies never leaving her house. You know, there's like a fine line between that and I'm like, I get that. I'm not. I don't want to be in front in a room full of strangers. I get that. But what is this anxiety around being with people that I could be in my granny panties with and they wouldn't fucking blink?

[Culap Vilaysak]

Like, what.

[Sujin Pak]

What is.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I assume you are even now in your granny panties.

[Sujin Pak]

I've always. I don't have to hide that. Like, these are people that know all my, you know, of course I did want to wear my Crocs and couldn't do it to lunch anyway.

[Culap Vilaysak]

No, you're wearing something that was stressful.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah. So I was thinking about that. I've been thinking about that ever since and I started to kind of look into this hypervigilance. Like basically it's a trauma response. It's very, very common. And to quote this article, it's being in a state of high alert, constantly tense and quote on gu. And always on the lookout for hidden dangers, both real and presumed. And so I thought that that was interesting. It went on to say that hyper vigilance can make safe situations, people and places feel threatening and even familiar surroundings. And people can be an issue because hypervigilance can be in safe situations, can be with the people that you're very comfortable with, can be with your husband, can be with your children. Well, well, yeah.

[Culap Vilaysak]

My hyper vigilance comes from my mother. When I enter a room, it's a lot of work and it's exhausting. I'm taking the temp, everyone's temperature.

[Sujin Pak]

And even with people that you are very comfortable with, like your closest friends.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Always comes back to Pat. That's what I had to do with her because I never knew with or what was. What fights were happening with my father. Her and father. I had to know. And so it's actually starts there for me. And so I. I'm saying that I relate, but it's so much work to. It's a lot of noise. It's so exhausting. And I would say that my. The last Decade has been trying to not do that as much. It's a take to at least downgrade hyper vigilance to just vigilance. Old habits ain't hard.

[Sujin Pak]

No. I mean, yeah, this is actually just how. This is the brain formation. It literally is a physical. You know what I mean? It's. It's not just like a.

[Culap Vilaysak]

But you can feel into that, right? Cause I know a little bit about your background. No. Yeah.

[Sujin Pak]

I know where it comes from. And every certainly woman and certainly any person that has felt marginalized or abused in their life knows what it feels like to walk into an elevator bank with a stranger in there. And you're like, this could be my death coffin or getting in a car in a parking lot in broad daylight and coming in. And my first is to lock the door. As soon as I get in, I lock the door, I look my seat behind me like, it's just. We all know that. So I understood the hyper vigilance around that. I didn't understand the hyper vigilance. Even around safe situations that. That, that doesn't turn off. I don't think I was that way before. I always had this really tight group of friends in New York where outside of that, I felt always vigilant and hyper vigilant, but that felt almost normal and warranted. And you could justify that. But when I was with my tight group of friends, I never felt this kind of exhaustion. This is a new thing for me, and it's a puzzling thing for me because again, now my world is shrinking because it gives me anxiety to even see my closest friends. And so I'm looking at this and I'm going, huh? This is, this is. This can't be in the right direction. And. And I was reading about this and it said for people with hyper vigilance, this is. I'm quoting again, this article. Home can feel like the safest spot to be, but getting it outside of your comfort zone is essential that it's necessary to push back against the restrictions of hyper vigilance. And I was looking into this more, and it's basically every time you give in to that anxiety of hyper vigilance, your brain gets rewarded and it releases endorphins and happy hormones. And so what it does is it reinforces that behavior that as soon as a hypervigilance alarm goes off, if you listen to it, you feel good.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Oh, yeah.

[Sujin Pak]

But if you keep doing it, then your brain starts to form around that concept of like, I can't go anywhere, nowhere is safe. But being at Home. I want to leave this behind. And I know that this is a monster. I know that this requires some professional help, which I really am resisting right now. So I think I have to just kind of build towards that. I know that when I have a weekend of the closest people in my life, the people that I love and that support me, like, what part of me have I not exposed to you over the decades that we've been doing this damn podcast?

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah, yeah, since the 20s. Like, what am I hiding?

[Sujin Pak]

Peeing in my pants?

[Culap Vilaysak]

What am I hiding? We started there, Sue. I don't know if you realize that's what I'm saying. What am I hiding?

[Sujin Pak]

I'm not hiding anything. What I have to move from is that like I have control over this, that there's something wrong with me, that I'm making these kinds of choices that you know that I have to fix.

[Culap Vilaysak]

This is the trick about hypervigilance is the way we manifest it differently. Like what? I had to stop going because home was not safe for me ever. I've had to say. And not even the not so distant past, I've had to tell myself, like, you're safe now. That happened in the past. That is not your reality right now. Yeah, you're safe with your husband, you're safe with your friends, you're safe with like. But I am tapping into what you're saying and I really, really, really appreciate you sharing this, but the trap is for somebody who's hyper vigilant because it's always like you're protecting yourself from getting hurt. So then you take on so much. Right. So then you start to self flagellate. What you were just describing those thoughts. It's very. It's like because you're not doing the thing that you're supposed. You're not protecting yourself enough. But it's a sort of pointed, like, you're fault.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah, it's your fault. There's something wrong with you.

[Culap Vilaysak]

So in the end, talking about like the hyper vigilance of just giving an example of what you're like, you know, if someone were to attack you because you didn't do this, you didn't look up, you didn't, you didn't scan, you didn't. You take so much ownership of a lot of things you can't control. Yeah, it's very controlling, I think also just, you know, giving yourself like you recognize it. I'm here to support you and feel through this, but also like to not be so hard on yourself. You know, we talked about this when Mohandra was here. You shared so much, too, this sort of like, shaking finger. I do it too, you know, that you. You're not. You're not. You're not meeting expectations. Like, that's just so hard.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah. And the shaking finger. I think the reason why we do it to the. To the degree, you know, and to the. To the viciousness, is because it. If I take the blame for what is wrong, then I can conceivably control it.

[Culap Vilaysak]

It's a dance. It's a dance that I so, so important to be personal, responsible.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Beat that drum over and again, like. Yeah, I will tend to my side of the fence. I have to be responsible for stuff. But there's just. There are also things that, like, I literally can't control. Yeah. And it's hard for me sometimes to designate which is which. And there's a lot of tension there, too, right? Like. Because. Yeah. Like, it comes up. I'm just saying that I agree with you and I understand it. It comes up. It comes a lot up for me. It's like, okay, well, I can't. That I can't, Will. And that I can't. You know, we can do our best things and try to set ourselves up for success, but there are factors that are out of our control, and that's really hard. That letting go is really hard. It's really hard not to let go.

[Sujin Pak]

The letting go, the letting go and the forgiveness is really hard. And the doing it again is really hard. And not beating yourself up for doing again is really hard. Like, this work is, like. It's a lifetime process. So I've been thinking about this a lot. Just kind of sitting with it and not putting too much pressure, right? Not. Cause, like, the first thing to do, I was just, like, looking up, like, best PTSD therapist. And I was like, no, I'm never gonna do that. Right. I mean, I'm not gonna do that right now, is what I'm saying.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Pak]

And I. I, as always, lost it today on this damn dog. This damn dog. I lose it at least once a day. And when I tell you a rage that burn, like, it could pop my eyeballs out of my head, like, I get so mad. This dog will come into my office, go into my bag, pick out the thing, right? It's usually a really expensive makeup product or a serum or something and run out with it as I'm screaming, no, no, drop it. Drop it. Drop it.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Drop it.

[Sujin Pak]

And he does this every single day. I have yelled at him, and then I've locked him out to try to teach him a lesson. And he's sitting out there and he gets upset. And then he's, like, happy. And then I feel bad and I'm like. And I let him back in. I give him hugs. I give him a little treat. My glass. He's like, you two. You two odd couple, just get a room. What is going on in there? All day long you're in and out of there in a rage. Coo. Like, I'm not gonna. The book has been written. Every meditation book, Buddha book has been written. This is the biggest cliche on the earth. This dog is my brain, is my hyper vigilance. I was like, I treat this dog like I do all of the shitty thoughts that come into my brain. I feel bad, I hug it, and then I let it back in. And then it does it again. And then when it does it a second time, everything is notched up. And I was like, that's funny. That's funny. Today I was actually like, you're funny. You, my friend, are going to be my fucking Buddha. I'm gonna be a fucking.

[Culap Vilaysak]

He's your teacher.

[Sujin Pak]

Buddha teacher person. Are you out of your mind? Yeah.

[Culap Vilaysak]

This is some Marlene Me shit. I've never seen it, but I assume that's what Marlene Me is about. No. Like who. Who rescued you? Who? I know he wasn't a rescue.

[Sujin Pak]

No, he definitely wasn't. He was downgraded from Montecito. But.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Well, look, I like this perspective. I like this. Perspectives we've come through. Yeah, that.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I love it.

[Sujin Pak]

I love this damn dog.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Wow. I love this. I love to see where this. Where this goes, how this grows. I love to write the. The screenplay called Marley and Me too.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah, that's right. Let's do it.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Let's do it.

[Sujin Pak]

That's all for today.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Carter's Happy New Year. We hope this year brings you everything you're hoping for. And thank you for listening.

[Sujin Pak]

Yeah.

[Culap Vilaysak]

I can hardly believe it's been four years of atc. I'm reading that and I'm shocked.

[Sujin Pak]

Okay. Yeah. Four years. Always. There's extra doses of ATC everywhere. Subscribe to our newsletter where. Where we talk about all the. The things that we're obsessed with. You can subscribe to the link in our show notes or in our bios. It's all there. And it's honestly just a fun diary entry from your favorite aunties. So there it is. Thanks so much, you guys. Happy New Year. Bye.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Bye. There's more.

[Sujin Pak]

Add to cart with Lemonada. Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like where we tell you about the last item we bought or returned and why. Subscribe now in Apple Podcasts Add to.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Cart is a production of Lemon on Media. Our producers are Keegan Zema and Tiffany Bui. Brian Castillo is our engineer.

[Sujin Pak]

Theme music is by Wasabi and produced by LA Made it and oh so familiar with additional music by 8pM Music. Executive producers are Culap Vilaisat, Sujin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie Whittles. Wax.

[Culap Vilaysak]

Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram at Ad to Cart Pod Follow Add to Cart wherever you get your podcast or listen. Ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership.

[Gloria Rivera]

Hi everyone, Gloria Rivera here, and we are back for another season of no One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of no One Is Coming to Save Us is out now, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sujin Pak]

Why, hello there.

[Sarah Silverman]

This is your pal Sarah Silverman. You know, the standup comic that's not afraid of a diarrhea joke. Oh my God, I'm so brave. I hope you're enjoying this podcast that you're listening to. I am just dropping in here to let you know about another podcast I think you'd like, and it's called the Sarah Silverman podc. Each week, listeners from all over the world call in and they ask me for advice or they talk about something going on in their life. Anything. Their silliest, grossest, deepest, darkest situations. And then I respond, whether I'm qualified to or not. Go ahead, search for the Sarah Silverman podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

[Host 1]

Bye.