What to Keep, What to Leave: 2025

Summary

Podcast Summary: Add to Cart with Kulap Vilaysack & SuChin Pak Episode: What to Keep, What to Leave: 2025
Release Date: January 7, 2025
Host/Authors: Kulap Vilaysack & SuChin Pak
Producer: Lemonada Media

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Introduction

In the inaugural episode of 2025, Kulap Vilaysack and Sujin Pak dive deep into their personal reflections, exploring what they intend to keep and what they aim to leave behind as they usher in the new year. The conversation is candid, introspective, and sprinkled with humor, setting the tone for a series focused on consumerism and personal growth.

Reflecting on the Past Year

The hosts begin by acknowledging another revolution around the sun, emphasizing the lessons learned over the past year. Sujin Pak shares her struggle with identifying epiphanies versus mere observations, expressing the need for external advice to navigate her thoughts (02:50).

What to Leave Behind

Sujin’s Bathroom Vanity Light Metaphor

One of the central themes revolves around Sujin’s metaphor of the bathroom vanity light—symbolizing her tendency to magnify minor issues into significant stressors. She recounts her frustration with burnt-out bulbs, likening them to unresolved personal habits that disrupt her daily life:

“I turned two to one because why am I rushing the process? This bitch can't change a light bulb.” — Kulap Vilaysack (07:03)

Sujin elaborates on how this minor household issue mirrors her broader challenges with decision fatigue and the overwhelming mental load, particularly as a mother. She poignantly states:

“What I'm leaving behind is this thing that I do when I'm faced with something very inconsequential... It becomes a months-long journey...” — Sujin Pak (06:17)

Decision Fatigue

Expanding on the theme, Sujin discusses her daily battle with decision fatigue, outlining how it drains her energy and impedes her productivity:

“I have five good decisions a day... I'm at this place of like, I don't know... I'm just going to be happier.” — Sujin Pak (24:03)

Kulap resonates with this struggle, sharing her own experiences with self-doubt and the mental exhaustion it brings:

“Self-doubt is sort of self doubt and it has to do with decision making... it's just a lot of noise and it drains the adrenals...” — Kulap Vilaysak (29:09)

What to Keep

Embracing Mindfulness and Quality Time

Kulap emphasizes the importance of doing less to accomplish more, especially after battling vertigo. She shares her commitment to being more mindful of her body’s signals:

“I'm up to my body that I have to listen to my body... As we get older is what we have to do.” — Kulap Vilaysak (10:11)

Sujin agrees, highlighting the significance of maintaining quality time with her family despite the challenges:

“I want to be making decisions all the time and be productive, but I'm not. So how do I build a life that is true to who I am?” — Sujin Pak (24:42)

Navigating Relationships and Domestic Responsibilities

A substantial portion of the discussion delves into the dynamics of managing household responsibilities and maintaining a healthy relationship. Kulap candidly talks about the imbalance in setting up date nights and ensuring both partners' needs are met:

“I have to pull things out of him. Are you okay? Do you need a massage? What do you need?” — Kulap Vilaysak (39:57)

Sujin highlights the importance of mutual understanding and support in relationships, especially when juggling parenting and personal well-being:

“We have to do monthly date nights... It has been harder with the baby.” — Kulap Vilaysak (40:51)

Embracing Self-Acceptance

Both hosts converge on the necessity of self-acceptance as a pathway to genuine happiness. Sujin reflects on societal pressures and the importance of defining personal happiness independent of external validations:

“Stop fighting who you are and stop living a life that... makes you so unhappy.” — Sujin Pak (27:32)

Kulap reinforces this sentiment by discussing the liberation that comes with accepting one’s limitations and talents:

“I feel that I become more secure in myself every year... So I'm keen on leaving that behind.” — Kulap Vilaysak (29:09)

Insights and Takeaways

• Mental Load Reconnaissance: Both hosts shed light on the invisible burdens carried by women, particularly mothers, emphasizing the need for societal recognition and personal strategies to manage mental loads.

• Decision-Making Strategies: The conversation underscores the importance of minimizing unnecessary decisions and creating structured routines to alleviate decision fatigue.

• Relationship Dynamics: Effective communication and shared responsibilities are essential for maintaining healthy partnerships, especially in demanding life stages.

• Self-Acceptance: Embracing one’s true self and rejecting societal expectations is pivotal for achieving authentic happiness and personal fulfillment.

Conclusion

As Kulap Vilaysack and Sujin Pak wrap up their heartfelt conversation, they encourage listeners to introspect on their own lives—identifying what to keep and what to leave behind. Their reflections serve as a guide for those looking to enter 2025 with clarity, purpose, and a commitment to personal well-being.

“You can find happiness even though it all looks like shit.” — Sujin Pak (45:08)

Kulap adds a hopeful note:

“Blessings all around. Another year in the can.” — Sujin Pak (46:05)

Listeners are invited to engage with the hosts via Instagram and share their own journeys, fostering a community of support and shared experiences.

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Notable Quotes:

• “What I'm leaving behind is this thing that I do when I'm faced with something very inconsequential...” — Sujin Pak (06:17)
• “Self-doubt is sort of self doubt and it has to do with decision making...” — Kulap Vilaysak (29:09)
• “Stop fighting who you are and stop living a life that... makes you so unhappy.” — Sujin Pak (27:32)
• “You can find happiness even though it all looks like shit.” — Sujin Pak (45:08)

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Thank you for tuning into "Add to Cart with Kulap Vilaysack & SuChin Pak." Follow us on Instagram at @AddToCartPod and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts to stay updated on our latest episodes and exclusive content.

Transcript

[Unknown Host]

Are you interested in how ordinary people turn their big ideas into a business? Want to learn from real entrepreneurs and get actionable advice on how they succeeded? Then this is Small Business behind the Buy Is for you. It's the official companion podcast to Prime Video's new show called Buy it now, where entrepreneurs compete to win $20,000. In each episode, you hear directly from the winning entrepreneurs, revealing the backstories, challenges, and the business strategies that turn their dreams into reality. Follow this is Small Business behind the Buy on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

You get your podcasts.

[Unknown Host]

And big thanks to this is Small Business for sponsoring the show.

[Reshma Saujani]

Hi, I'm Reshma Sajani, founder of Girls who Code. Look, I'd consider myself a pretty successful adult woman. I've written books, founded two successful nonprofits, and I'm raising two incredible kids. But here's the thing. I still wake up wondering, is this it? And if the best years are yet to come, when's that going to start? Join me on my so Called Midlife, my new podcast with Lemonada Media, where we're building a playbook for navigating midlife one episode at a time. Each week, I'll chat with extraordinary guests who've transformed their midlife crisis into opportunities for growth and newfound purpose. At some point, we all ask ourselves, is there more to life? I'm here to discover how to thrive in my second act, right alongside you. My so Called Midlife is out now, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Lemonade. Also with that fire Boy.

[Sujin Park]

Wait.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Welcome back to ADD to cart. I'm your Auntie Kulap Filisak, and I'll be there.

[Sujin Park]

Auntie Sujin Park. Well, it's another revolution around the sun. Is that right? Another. Yeah, another trip around the old star. And we've learned some things. I'm more. You know what in this episode. Yes. In past years, I feel like I had a. I had more epiphanies like, you know what? This is an interesting thing I'm going to keep. This is what I'm going to leave this year is more like, this is an interesting observation. I don't want to keep it, but I don't know what to do with that. So I'll be enlisting your advice. But that's. That's where I'm sitting here at the end of 2024, looking, looking, you know, just a. Just a hop, skip and a jump away at 2025.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I think I'm similar. Well, first of all, I am different in that of lest we forget, I have Surgically enhanced eyes. And so my vision in that way is quite clear and defined. Very juicy. Just, you know, so you've got more.

[Sujin Park]

You've got more clarity. I'm. That's.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

No, no, no. Just in the actual physical vision now.

[Sujin Park]

Oh, in the literal sense.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only in the literal sense.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

So, folks, if you aren't already aware, this is our annual what to Keep what to leave episode, the 2025 edition. Scrolling forward I'm really curious. Sue's car. Because I know that there's stories behind this, you know, and I'm really wondering about the bathroom vanity light, leaving that behind, but. Okay, sue, let's get into it.

[Sujin Park]

Bathroom vanity light is a great place to start. Right on the top of my. Leave this behind. I will send you a picture of my bathroom vanity light, which has four bulbs, and two of them have been burnt out since the dawn of time. At some point, one bathroom vanity light burnt out, and I was like, oh. Then just recently, a second one. And it's a very small bathroom, so three lights is still bright. Two lights. Now I'm like, fuck, I can't ignore this. And I've been staring at this bathroom vanity light with two missing bulbs, like two front teeth that have been knocked out. And yet still I'm out there on the red carpet, smiling, waving to the people, living my life, getting up in the morning, putting on my serums, brushing my teeth, flossing aggressively at night for a long time at looking at my life reflected at me.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Vanity through the mirror.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah, through the mirror. I'm looking at this and being like, get your together. Okay. How can you live like this? The symbolism. And the thing is, I do have these extra bulbs now, as you know, we can only have incandescent bulbs in our house. And so on my last trip to New York, which was almost a year ago, on the cusp of a pretty much a federal ban on incandescent bulbs across this country. You cannot get incandescent bulbs anymore. I used to get them from New York and now no longer. And so I went to Annie's light bulb lady, who's lovely in Chinatown, and she was like, you may want to just stock up. So I went home with a giant luggage case full of incandescent bulbs.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Wow.

[Sujin Park]

To for this problem. Don't know where that suitcase is.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Sorry.

[Sujin Park]

It's in the garage. Maybe Mike took out the boxes and they could be up on a shelf. What I'm saying is the bulbs are in my house, even. And all I have to do is look for It. I don't live in a mansion. I live in a small house. And yet I can't manage to do it.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

So you wish to let them. When you say leave it behind, you mean you're gonna go dark?

[Sujin Park]

What I'm trying to leave behind is this thing that I do when I'm faced with something very inconsequential, something that should be minor, and yet I turn it into Mount Everest.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Sujin Park]

It becomes a months long journey and I'm. I. And I torture myself. I drag myself through razor blades for months and months and months until I finally fix the problem, which should take 15 minutes tops. And here I am with the bulbs out. This is. This is the metaphor.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah, I see.

[Sujin Park]

I see for what 2024 has been and what I would like to leave behind in 2025. So I. And I don't have a solution for that just yet. I just know that I. I have to leave this. This thing of like, this is my story and it's been my story for as long as I can remember. I'm overwhelmed. I'm too tired. I can't help me. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough energy. This is my story. This is the thing on loop.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah. And so much energy to floss. So much energy of energy.

[Sujin Park]

So much energy to move to the.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Slate, foster the slate flosser from level one to level two, back down to level one.

[Sujin Park]

Much energy to go through my 14 steps, then my laser, then my masks.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I want. I want to swing back to the slave flosser. She texted me and Lauren Lapis and she said I took it down from two to one because why am I rushing it? That's what she said. She said, why am I rushing the process? This bitch can't change a light bulb.

[Sujin Park]

Exactly. What I'm saying is the stories we tell about ourselves aren't true. They're just not. It's not a non fiction tale I tell.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Look, believe it or not, I can relate, you know?

[Sujin Park]

No, you can.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yes, I can. Okay. By now, would I have changed the bulb?

[Sujin Park]

Yes.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Or at least outsourced it. But there are things sometimes where I feel like I just can't. That feeling of overwhelm and I'm like, this is so hard. I don't have enough time. I. And then, and then it always, when it gets done, it's like, oh, it's okay. Like it got done. It always gets done. It always kind of works out like the. The dance before. I mean, I do it. I do it I do. I do the procrastination dance and then it gets done. It's like, oh, why was I, like, making this so much harder than it needed to be? And it's like, oh, whatever, I'm tired, hungry, you know, like, overworked, underpaid. The mental load. Just as a mother number one, it's not the same what guys have and what we have. Like, the mental load is totally different. So give yourself all of us moms, then women. I'm going to throw women in general, we have way. A way heavier mental load. We're always thinking about, you know, the collective. And we're not as individualistic as the guys are. We're always seeing how these things connect. And to make those sort of connections takes brain power and takes effort and it's exhausting.

[Sujin Park]

So, yeah, that's my bathroom. Vanity light. Your turn. You want to go into leave or keep?

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Guess what. To keep. So you know how I have vertigo Christmas Eve last year, and I was like, I gotta do less to do more. I'm gonna keep that. I'm gonna keep that. I'm gonna do.

[Sujin Park]

What do you mean by that?

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I feel like even for this, like, this holiday season, I was very cognitive of, like, not to not overdo it. And so, you know, look, my doing less probably looks like a lot to say a such and pok.

[Sujin Park]

But. But you only have to compare it to the coup of last year who had to go to the emergency room.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

That's right.

[Unknown Host]

And.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

But see, that was so tricky for me because I did. I didn't feel stressed. I didn't feel stressed.

[Sujin Park]

But that interesting how the body keeps.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

That's it. Body keeps score. So it's like, so whatever. In my intellectually, I think about my workload or whatever. I'm up to my body. I have to listen to my body that, you know, that I need to shift what these. Like, what I'm able to do and what my capacity is. So I'm like, okay, even though I don't. All right, sure. I gotta. I mean, like, I don't want to be in the er and like, having vertigo sucks in one way. It is making me have to be more mindful and conscious of my body, which is so annoying. But, like, as we get older is what we have to do.

[Sujin Park]

So annoying.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I gotta just do less. And sometimes it's like nobody wants as much as I'm giving. Like, people are fine with less.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah. Like you said, you started off saying you're less is Everybody's a lot more. So it's but it's never been about that. It's always been about, you know, we do it for ourselves. True. I mean, nobody gives a shit that, you know, I have a village. Like, no one. It's in the back next to a deep freezer and a printer on the floor. Like, nobody even sees this thing. But I'm out there, you know, brushing down the snow and rearranging it. I noticed there was some repairs that needed to happen, but nobody.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

We do it do.

[Sujin Park]

We do it to ourselves. Yeah.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

You're mayor of Christmas Village.

[Sujin Park]

I am mayor of Christmas Village and my dad's king. I have to say, she's. We've been joking about it, but I'm like, you're on the firing list.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Oh, she could. Well, you know, sometimes. Sometimes probation gets people to write, you know, their shit.

[Sujin Park]

And I said to her, I said, do. Would you like to just keep the village as is and not expand it? And she was, you know, verge of tears. And I said, well, then it needs to be maintained.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

That's right.

[Sujin Park]

And when there's repairs. I gave you a repair kit. The repairs have to be made. Yesterday I saw a little hoof came off of one of the deers on the Christmas ride that I. She has a repair kit for that. I can't do it all. I have to find vanity lines. I just want to circle back really quick to the vanity because I was like, what else about it? Because it's a really bothersome. Like, I look at it and it. It shuts me down and I'm like, what is this? What's wrong with you? Like, what are you. What, What. Why is this shutting you down? Go change the bulb. And some of it is also too. Is. I grew up in. Oh, yeah, this is it. Because my heart is beating fast. I grew up my whole childhood in that. Just nothing working, nothing turning on, everything breaking down, nothing paid for. No. You know what I mean? Like, I grew up with that. So, like, when I see that any type of. Even just like a little bit of carelessness, dilapidation, poverty, anything can trigger that. And it triggers me, and I just don't even want to look at it or deal with it. It's so crazy.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

It's not. Not really.

[Sujin Park]

But we carry these, like, monstrous. Just like huge, huge polar bear sized things around and they're invisible. And then one little thing like a bathroom vanity light, you're like, holy. That is a giant monster that has been in the passenger seat.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

This entire time. And it. And it. And. And it's crazy. Anyway, it's still. Every once in a while, it'll knock me to my knees, like, how persistent that is.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I think it's tough because it's like, you know, I mean, I'm. I'm just saying with this. With love to Mike and more of an observation and not. It's not a condemnation at all, but it's like. It's like you had to go to New York to get the light. We don't know where the light is. It's just something that it's, like, on you to do. I think it's frustrating it's on you to do, but the reason you have to do it is not you. And there's. There's resistance there. Look, I'm just stating facts. There's just. I would feel feelings. We've made choices and, like, being in partnership with somebody, we don't need to really go down the road of what marriage is and what we do, like, to, you know, in the conversations that we have. But that's also there, too. You know, that's part of the load. That is part of it. Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

So, okay. So doing less to do more, that was. Sorry I jumped into your cart.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Like, with Emmy, you know, like, the. That additional effort need. Like, I like to do. I like to be with her and like to do with her, and, like, it's just any. The extra stuff.

[Sujin Park]

You can't do that with Vertigo.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

No, I really can't.

[Sujin Park]

You can't do it now. When you have a kid, there's no sick days. You can't just like. And meaning that, like. Like, there are no sick days. Like, of course you have the privilege of, like, having Vertigo and making sure she's okay because there's someone there that can do that for you. But you. You want to be there. That's what I'm talking about. It's like, you want to be there for your kids, and when you want to be there, Vertigo is not going to allow that period. There's no way around it.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah. Because, like, I also, I wrote, you know, what to keep is like, I, I. It's traveling with Emmy, but I think after, like, the Hawaii trip, it's like, it's doing small road trips with Emmy, like, the best. And. And just. But I also want to just, like, go out with her. And, like, I want, you know, us to, like, mix it up. And I, like, you know, I did a recent trip to Solvang and went. Saw you first, then went to Solvang with my sister, and I just want to just go See things outside of our little bubble. Yeah. Like little trips. She, I mean she doesn't even like she doesn't love the car. And so you know, it's kind of a two hour radius. But it's still, I think it's good for us to just like get out. And you're right. Like vertigo is not. It sucks guys. Like it comes up. It has come up a few times. I was like, oh no. Like I turned too hard on my right.

[Sujin Park]

Like it's just.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Now I understand that it's just going to be something I have to, to be careful about. Yeah. Like it's just something I was like, oh, that sucks. Like Christmas shopping was, you know, I was later than what we did the year prior, which was like try to be done by November 1st. And I've done things a lot like Christmas cards coming late a lot later. But it's also been like fine, fine. And in terms of shopping, I kind of. It doesn't have to be so perfect. Like it can just be something thoughtful. And in the other piece for me was like I don't need to spend a lot of money. Like I'm already doing a lot. Like I don't need to. Like aside from Scott. Like who I want to, I want and even Em, like honestly, like I, I explained to our family and actually asked them not to buy her anything is that she has so much. I'm already donating so much monthly and she's gonna be getting presents from us and Santa this year and she just has a lot of stuff. And even if they do want to give her a present, she may not open it on the day because what we learned on her birthday is that in succession, it's overwhelming. Also nothing means anything at that age.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

And for me it's like I'm just at the point where I cannot keep track of what you've given her. She has everything she needs, you know, like and, and the fact is for some people is like it. She may open it and I might be giving it away the next week. Like that These are just them facts, you know. I mean at 2, it's just not really kind of like she, you know, what she loves is what Auntie sue gave her. It was Play doh. She's loving that. Play doh. No thanks to Sujin. Now we have to deal with that. And then thanks no thanks to Auntie. Suchin is just like her thing of rocks.

[Sujin Park]

Guess where I got the rocks and the crystals from? Zoe's room. Still has them.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Still has.

[Sujin Park]

Guess what. Guess what kids love play DOH and rocks.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Rocks period. She loves that. She's playing with that. But it's like, you know, we have a lot like it's, it's too much stuff. It's just too much stuff. So just as I'm asking my family members like to understand that like, you know, I guess sue, what I, I think I have like stuff with is like when people and I feel more of like maybe, maybe Scott's family more than anybody where they like, not only do they want you to love it, they want you to use it all the time and then they're feeling pictures.

[Sujin Park]

When you use it and.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah, and it's just like that sort of added.

[Sujin Park]

It's too much.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah, I don't like it. It's more mental load. So if I'm asking that then I also reciprocate that as like I give you something and if you like, I hope you like it. I really want you to like it. But if you don't, it's okay.

[Sujin Park]

Gotta let it go.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Just let it go. That's what it gives you.

[Sujin Park]

That's right. As soon as you the credit card bill goes through, it is out of your mental load. Gone. Done. It evaporates. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. As the great diva Natasha Bedingfield saying, once the best is yet unwritten. And babe, you've got 365 blank pages to dream your wildest dream. But you don't have to do this on your own in 2025. Think of therapy as, as your editorial partner helping you write new chapters and create the meaningful story you deserve to live. Now. Therapy has been such a great space to understand myself. As I've said on this pod, it's helped me set boundaries, manage my emotions, my rage, my crage. It's helped me be a better mom and caregiver to my parents. And it's where I get to assess with a therapist who I want to be on a day to day basis. What's great about BetterHelp is that it's fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide, you can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Write your story with Better help. Visit betterhelp.com Add to Cart to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com Add to Cart as you're.

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[Sujin Park]

So one of the things I'm leaving behind is decision fatigue. I have five good decisions a day. It's not. I don't know if that's normal. I don't know if it's more or less. I don't know if I'm a superwoman or, or just barely getting by. But I got five really good decisions a day. And one of those has to be for food. The other one has to be figuring out when I need a nap because if I don't schedule that in after 4pm is a nightmare. And then I've got three other decisions.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Two was kind of like basic need stuff. So now, yeah, we really down to three.

[Sujin Park]

You were down to three frivolous decisions a day. And then I make all other decisions. They're not good decisions. And so it just is like at the end of the year I'm like, wow, this is so on one hand, my personality, gift giving and shopping, and then the other side is not my thing, which is making decisions. I hate making decisions. I'm not good at it. I don't enjoy it. And it's very draining for me. But it helps me kind of realize that like, I am that person that does not like to make decisions. And I only make a few decisions a day, I think with clarity and with groundedness. And so I want to make sure that I am building my day and a life to support me making good decisions. And that means a lot of things. That means I'm wrapping up work by 2:00. That means that I have to meal prep for the week. I don't do any of these things. So that's why I'm at this place of like, I don't know, you know, I don't have the answers. By no means am I wrapping up work by two and not getting on a phone until the kids are like, usually like, if it's a good day and it's working, I'm wrapping up work by two. The kids are home at three, after they've eaten dinner and in their showers. Then I'll do another hour of work around six, totally fine. Just catching up on everything that I missed in the afternoon. And then I'm with the kids the rest of the evening. No screens. That's a beautiful day for me. It just happened maybe once a week tops. The rest of it is, this is me staring at a vanity light bulb that's missing and like being like, what's wrong with you? And being very upset about it and not being able to move like that. So like, what I'm saying is, what I'm leaving behind, I guess is, is a lifestyle that only supports decision fatigue and not makes room for who I am, which is five good decisions. I want to be that other person. I want to be making decisions all the time. And be productive, but I'm not. So how do I build a life that is true to who I am? Because I'm just going to be happier.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I think also, Sue, I think there's something about like. Because I know. I know you listen to some optimization. What do they call it? Is that. That's what I say. Body.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah. That's also. I'm leaving that behind. I got to stop.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I think that shit. Like that's all. Like, that's some snake oil.

[Sujin Park]

That's all dudes with no kids and not. Yeah. Partners generally. I'm making. I'm making what. You know, general statements. But that's a lot of what that is from.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah. I don't. I just don't think it applies. You know, like some like. It's also like intermittent fasting is not necessarily good for most women. You know, like things aren't one to fun for a lot of reasons.

[Sujin Park]

You're right. Like I'm. That's the. That's. You're looking at the wrong thing. The thing that you should be looking at is. Is accept who you are. And it's great and perfect as it is. So how do you have a life that supports that period? Listening to those podcasts. Optimizing. You're not an optimizing person. That's not even what makes you happy. That's not even who. That's not in who you are. You're 50. That time is done. Like, this is who you are. You know. And so I think there is like that settling into this like decade for me. Like the 30s is for me was just all about work. And then 40s was like trying to figure out like all of these intimate relationships. My kids, my husband, my. My. My parents trying to figure that out. And these aren't like closed loops. I'm just saying that like that was like the greater thing, my focus.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

And the 50 is the vanity light in the mirror. Like who are you?

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

To stop. Stop fighting who you are and stop living a life that like, I don't know what this is. It's making you so unhappy. So anyway. And that acceptance, whatever however way you want to couch it. Like for me, it's like when I think of the word decision fatigue. That's like for me, my nut to crack to that.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Like not so dissimilar. Like one of the things I wrote. What to leave is like sort of self doubt is self doubt. And it has to do with decision making and this mulling over that you're talking about because like I am A very decisive person. And when I kind of just like start to like spin out, it's just a lot of noise and it drains the adrenals like we always say. And the truth of the matter is, is that when I take breaths, as I asked Emmy to do when she's frustrated, is take a deep breath and ask for help if she needs it, when I do that, I can make pretty clear headed decisions and if they're not the perfect move, it's not life or death. Like, you know, so I actually am very confident of what I know and I don't feel bad about what I don't know because what I don't know, I can, I can ask questions and I can learn. I feel that I become more secure in myself every year and I, I want to have faith in that and continue to do that and lean into that. So sometimes these, the self doubt and this critical voice in my head that says I can't do something or it's not enough or that where, you know, when I think about work, where, where do I fit in in this landscape in entertainment? And I go, I think nowhere. I have those, I have those thoughts of like, well, it doesn't seem like, you know, and then I go, well, fuck, you know, this is what I want to do, you know, and this is, and when I do the thing, it's good. It may not be the outcome that I want, which is to, to be the Asian Shonda R. That has not happened yet. And the fucking truth, Sue. And it may not ever. And like that's also this sort of like acknowledgement of like in thinking about, well, how do I want my day to day to look like and how do I want to feel? And so I think as I, you know, I turn 45 this year, I think, wow, that's a big in itself, a big accomplishment. You know, like self doubt is kind of like I don't need it anymore. So I'm keen on leaving that behind. Yeah, I mean I feel like gray haired, silver haired, like what the f. You know what I mean? Like it's not a good look. Doesn't go together.

[Sujin Park]

Especially with your juicy, juicy eyes.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

My juicy, juicy eyes.

[Sujin Park]

Dripping juice.

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[Sujin Park]

N o o m.com today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Well, it's that time of year where people are thinking about resolutions, what they want to do differently, right in 2025. Last year save more Money was the most popular resolution in America. And when eggs cost more, 8 to 12 bucks a carton. And after all that holiday shopping has hit your checking account, you're kind of left wondering where did all my money go? Good thing there's Acorns now. Acorns makes it so easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids and your retirement. Listen, I'm an expert in practically everything. That's what comes with the auntie title. But I'm not a financial expert and some would say I am the opposite of whatever that that is. Which is why I love the help of Acorns because it recommends a diversified portfolio that fits me and my money goals. And right now my goal is to build that she shed of my dreams back there. Head to acorns.com add to cart or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future. Today. Paid Client Endorsement Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns Tier 1 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] Add to Cart okay parents, we've all been there. This is what I call the post holiday sugar crash and it is real. And let's be honest, finding snacks that satisfy your kids and let's be really honest ourselves isn't always easy. And that's where Thrive Market comes to the rescue. They make it so simple to find healthier kid approved swaps for all those sugary junk filled favorites. For example, they have this thing called the Healthy Swaps scanner. Okay. In the Thrive market app and it is a total game changer. All you do is scan a product that your kids love like their favorite chips or crackers and the app shows you a cleaner, healthier alternative. We've made some great swaps. How awesome is that? Instead of sugar packed snacks, we're stocking up on brands like Simple Mills, Crackers, Annie's Mac and Cheese, always a favorite. Chomps Beef sticks for this old lady and well, lesser evil popcorn. I know popcorn, trust me, can be evil. My kids absolutely love them. I feel good knowing that they're eating something just a bit more nutritious. The best part, everything gets delivered straight to my door. So I don't gotta stress about searching through grocery aisles or trying to figure out what exactly is on this teeny tiny ingredients list. Ready for a junk free start to 2025 head to thrivemarket.com add to cart and get 30% off your first order plus a free $60 gift. That's T H R-I V E market.com add to cart thrivemarket.com add to cart.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Other things that I want to keep. Surprise. Surprise. The election didn't go my way. What I, what I wanted but what I walked away from that was wanting to spend more quality time with my community, with my various communities that I have and I've been doing that. You know Los Angeles had its seventh year anniversary recently. I'm having people over again, friends of mine, we've started to play mahjong and now that's my personality and that's something that I really like to do. And yes. Does it seem that I am retired as well? Does it, does it does seem that way to be playing mahjong silver haired with my girlfriends almost weekly but God it feels good. It feels really nice just to have FaceTime with people. I think post election I have been really seeing social media for what it is.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

And thinking that shit's garbage, the shit's garbage. And it, it's just having me. As with all things you need to have a really strong boundary because back to what you're saying, it's like look all the people that you know who, who meal plan and who do all this, all the, the trad wives or whatever, it's like one thing to look at it is like those, that's their, their job. They're making money from the social media. That's their job. You know, that's a production. They are that. That. That's what that is. It's not just like a dip into their real life. They've got sponsors. They've got, you know, all. And so, like, that's a production.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah. And it's a personality.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

That's right.

[Sujin Park]

They're characters.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

And I know we all know this, but it's so hard to just not, like, scroll and go, oh, wow, they've done this. And they do that. They can do that. And it's like, well, life is a wheel of many, many quadrants of things that you need to tend towards, and you're only seeing a few on social media, and it's garbage otherwise. And to just like, really acknowledge that we're on it too much and that it can. If you let it affect how you feel about yourself, it's a problem. And also, I'm like, fuck these technocrats. Oligarchs. You. You're using me. I'm gonna fucking use you. I don't know how to do it yet. I'm not gonna, like. You know what I mean? I know what you're about. You're not gonna fucking rule me. You're gonna rule me a little bit. Of course you're gonna rule me a little bit. But I'm not gonna let you.

[Sujin Park]

Just the tip.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Just the tip.

[Sujin Park]

Spicy sausage.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Nope, nope. I'm not sitting on it, but, yeah. Do you got me a little bit? You sure do.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah. Just a little finger.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Sue, what else. What else do we. Did we. Oh, I mean, I. I do need to. And here's the thing, Sue. It's on me to do this, by the way. And that's it. Annoying. Is to, like, set up date nights.

[Sujin Park]

Why is it on you?

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I do everything.

[Sujin Park]

Well, maybe that's.

[Reshma Saujani]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

I do everything out. Yeah.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

And I think he knows. He understands that he's got it good, and I know that I got it good. And we work.

[Sujin Park]

We do work.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

We do work. Absolutely.

[Sujin Park]

Which is why you have two giant Christmas trees. He doesn't say shit.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Oh, I thought we were going to talk about my tits or my eyeballs.

[Sujin Park]

Oh, he loves those, too.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

And for him, it's like. He's like, okay, you got really got into Christmas one year, and now it's changed, but he doesn't. Does he enjoy it? I don't even really ask him if he enjoys it. But. No but. But.

[Sujin Park]

But he knows you enjoy it. So he.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

He does know that.

[Sujin Park]

And that's very politely steps aside. You don't need validation from your partner when you're married. Did that You. As soon as you say, I do, that's when you stop needing validation from your partner.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I do at times go. I look at him straight in the eyes, too. I say, are you happy? Are you needs met right now? Because I'm making sure my needs are met. Are your needs met? I do that. I have to do that. I have to pull things out of him. Are you okay? Do you need a massage? What do you need? Like, he won't. It's like, I have to.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah, you really have to walk him.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Through it for me. I feel that, like, if he sends me a link to, like, oh, like, there's a new restaurant in la, I need to pick that up. Yeah, but I need to pick that up and make the reservation I need, then make sure that we have a babysitter I need to see. You know what I mean? I'm like, do you want to.

[Unknown Host]

You know what I mean?

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Like, it's just. And again, I'm taken care of. So we all know that. He takes care of me. He takes care of me. But I'm just saying we gotta do. We gotta do monthly date nights. And, you know, we haven't. It has been harder with the baby.

[Sujin Park]

Of course. There's less of you going around.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

That's right. Less of him, less of me. We're more tired. He also was touring so much this year, which I'm grateful for, and to maintain my lifestyle, I might send him back out.

[Sujin Park]

And you'll take him out to dinner.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

That's right.

[Sujin Park]

Even Stevens. That's your nickname.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

That's right.

[Sujin Park]

In 2025, when I see her, I'm gonna be like, look at. Look at Stevens.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

So evens. I'm complaining. You know I am. I know. But at the same time, he was also, like, the day before Thanksgiving, he was like, you gotta stop. I'm like, okay, I just have to do this. He's like, he is very worried about me.

[Sujin Park]

Well, to be worried about you is to be worried about him.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

The house of cards. That would fall down.

[Sujin Park]

I mean, Mike says it all the time. Like, if this lady here slows down or has to lay down nothing, we're all.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

We're all.

[Sujin Park]

So I suggest you guys pipe down and let her take her nap, because nobody's getting fed tonight if she doesn't go down. Yeah, it's. It's interesting because it. It might. I didn't see a. Married 12 years, probably 10 years. For him. For him to figure that one out, for both of us to figure it out.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Takes time.

[Sujin Park]

Takes some time, guys. Don't let it take 10 years for you listening. This is why we're doing this. So you know, but this can get it done quicker.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

So I am contemplative of like me turning 45, you turning 50. What do we want this stage of our life to look like as we paramenopausally strut, I would say.

[Sujin Park]

And ku you tell me if I'm wrong. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I know it's not. It doesn't sound like it. And I know a lot of you are like, oh, fuck, this is happy.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Tiffany. Are you okay? Let's check in with Tiffany real quick.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah, she's like bug eyed and like, you know what I mean? She could be drunk at this point and I wouldn't blame her. But yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's shocking. This is what happiness can also sound like. And I'm just telling you, I am definitely 100% the happiest I've ever been. And I'm miserable. But anyway, Tiffany messaged.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

I'm shivering.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah, that's the correct. Yeah. Of course I spooked her. If you're not spooked by this tiff, you're not that smart, you know.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

It doesn't take a lot of smarts to be spooked by, by aunties, what's being said. So what I'm saying is, I don't know, Like, I think that, like, I hope once you get over the depression of what I've just said, the other thing that you'll get from it is is that, like, there's no pressure.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

Like there's no such thing. It doesn't exist. Because this is what happiness could look like. Meaning that, like, it doesn't have to look like a, A prairie dress on a farm, milking goats into your mouth. Like baking pies with 14 kids, you know what I mean? And private jets. Like, it doesn't have to look like that. Like, all that pressure of like, well, if it doesn't look a certain way, does that mean that I don't get to feel it? No. Like, there's things about my life that, like the Vanity Light thing.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

But, but, but that's capitalism, sue, though.

[Sujin Park]

But even, but even in that, like, I can so quickly get to like, but I, I'm so happy.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

You know, I get to do whatever the I want. I don't have to sit here in front of this microphone. You don't have to do that. And nothing will change in our lives. Like, that's a Privilege. That's amazing. We worked really hard for that.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yes, true.

[Sujin Park]

I spent so much of my time thinking that once I. I see happiness and I'll be happy. It's like that just doesn't work. That's not how it works.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Yeah.

[Sujin Park]

You can find that.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

It's not a destination.

[Sujin Park]

No. And you can find it even though it all looks like shit.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

In summation, it almost feels like I didn't even realize it at the top of this episode of just like, I think we're, you know, we're stepping into the great unknown. I mean, we are who we are. It's like we know who we are. We know what we're good at. We certainly know our limitations as described in this last hour. But it's just we. There is something of this desire of like, wanting to. It does feel like we're stepping into something new.

[Sujin Park]

Yeah. And that does feel different. I know it. It. Yeah, it does. I think for a lot of our regular listeners, like, they'll hear the nuance in that, but it is different because I think. I feel like I had answers. You know, at the same time last year I had, like I said, big revelations. This year, it's. It's not. I think it's a little bit more. Yeah, I don't really know what's happening, but I'm. I'm okay with that.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Bless. Blessings. Blessings all around.

[Sujin Park]

There it is. Another year in the can.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

That's right. If you aren't already, make a resolution to follow us on Instagram at Add to Cart Pod.

[Sujin Park]

And you guys, we love it when you send us comments and DMs and what you're keeping and what you're leaving behind. We'd love to hear about that. You know, that always sparks some introspection here on our end. You can also leave us a voicemail. We love hearing your guys voices and imagining who you are at Speak Pipe. It's so easy. The link is in our bio. You literally just click it and then start recording. It'll also be in our show notes. And that's it. Let's wrap it up. Put a bow on it.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Happy New Year, everybody. Let's make it a good one.

[Sujin Park]

There's more. Add to Cart with Lemonada. Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content, like where we tell you about the last item we bought or returned and why. Subscribe now in Apple Podcasts.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Add to Cart is a production of Lemonade Media. Our producers are Keegan Zema and Tiffany Bui. Brian Castillo is our engineer.

[Sujin Park]

Theme music is by Wasabi and produced by LA Made it and oh so Familiar with additional music by APM Music. Executive producers are Culap Vilaisak, Sujin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer, and Stephanie Whittles. Wax.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram at Add to Cart Pod. Follow Add to Cart wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership.

[Sujin Park]

Why, hello there.

[Sarah Silverman]

This is your pal Sarah Silverman. You know, the standup comic that's not afraid of a diarrhea joke. Oh my God, I'm so brave. I hope you're enjoying this podcast that you're listening to. I am just dropping in here to let you know about another podcast I think you'd like, and it's called the Sarah Silverman Podcast. Each week, listeners from all over the world call in and they ask me for advice or they talk about something going on in their life.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Anything.

[Sarah Silverman]

Their silliest, grossest, deepest, darkest situations. And then I respond, whether I'm qualified to or not. Go ahead, search for the Sarah Silverman Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sujin Park]

Bye.

[Kulap Vilaisak]

Hi everyone.

[Gloria Rivera]

Gloria Rivera here, and we are back for another season of no One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of childcare, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that child care is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season 4 of No1 Is Coming to Save Us is out. Now, wherever you get your podcasts.