Worst Gifts

Summary

Add to Cart with Kulap Vilaysack & SuChin Pak Episode: Worst Gifts (January 12, 2026)

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, hosts Kulap Vilaysack and SuChin Pak kick off the new year by looking back—and laughing—at the very worst gifts they've ever received. True to Add to Cart’s mix of humor and heart, the “Aunties” dive deep into the meaning of giving, family quirks, and the boundaries we sometimes have to draw—even when love (and handmade quilts) are involved. Along the way, they discuss their evolving relationships with consumerism, parenting, and the avalanche of "stuff" that comes with the holidays. Expect personal confessions, family anecdotes, and plenty of real talk about what should—or should not—make it into your cart.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Cleaning, Inventory, and the New Year’s No-Buy Mood

• Annual Reset Rituals: January for SuChin is a time of deep cleaning and honest inventory after the holiday excess. She references the Japanese tradition of a year-end deep clean (03:00), and shows Kulap her “reckoning”—boxes and an unnecessary new air fryer, bought in a “non-toxic” Instagram panic.

  • “Mother Earth cannot take more air fryers... She can’t take overnight shipping. She can’t take two-day express. She can’t take polyester one second, too.” — SuChin (08:02)

• No-Buy Experiment: SuChin expresses a genuine desire to buy less in 2026, noting, “I have not felt it in my ginch the way I feel it now. A shudder.” (03:18)

• ‘Navi’ Philosophy: Inspired by rewatching Avatar, SuChin jokes about being “more blue, less pink” (06:32), referring to conscious, less consumptive living. She gets emotional recalling how her son endured the entire movie while she had a minor spiritual awakening.

Parenting & Holiday Gift Reflections

• Parenting Tip #48: SuChin shares wisdom about holiday magic for her kids—delivering joy but cautioning, “you can’t step back from it,” once the bar is set (11:01).
  • “I encourage you to create magic and wonder, but I also caution that you can’t step back from it with a child.” — SuChin (11:01)
• Gift Glut Realization: Both hosts lament the wild proliferation of stuff around the holidays, with most gifts now being just items requested by the kids via links. No surprise, less magic.
• Desire for Minimalism: Both are aiming for “just one gift from Santa, one from Mom and Dad” next year—but realistically doubt they’ll manage it (16:48).
  • “My desire after this Christmas is one gift from Santa, one gift from Mom and Dad. I know it won’t do it. Maybe it will be three.” — Kulap (16:48)
• Kid Inventory: Kulap shares her daughter Emmy’s tendency to catalogue old toys seen in family photos and ask after their whereabouts (15:28), revealing early child attachment to things.

Podcast & Media Recommendations

• Beth’s Dead: SuChin binge-listens to the podcast Beth’s Dead by Elizabeth Lame, Andy Rosen, and Monica from Armchair Expert, raving about its addictive quality and urging listeners to dive in (21:09).
  • “I can’t remember the last time I was so delighted and hooked in. I didn’t know it was Elizabeth—then I went into the show… The whole thing again was Avatar.” — SuChin (22:21)
• They praise it as “hands down, my favorite podcast” (25:44).

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‘Worst Gifts’ Segment [28:48]

Philosophy on Bad Gifts

• Both declare gift-giving is their “love language” (29:37), so even bad gifts are exciting on some level for them.
• SuChin: “The term bad gift, it’s so contradictory, because I love getting and giving gifts so much.” (30:12)

SuChin’s Worst Gift: “No Gift” from Her Husband [30:12]

• Despite being a “gifts” person, her husband’s love language is not gifts—he doesn’t give them, and is genuinely annoyed by the ritual.
  • “Every year, the worst gift I get is no gift—from my husband.” — SuChin (30:12)
• Over the years, he’s sometimes settled on giving her “an envelope of cash.” This is culturally loaded, as she recounts explaining to her white husband the importance of bringing cash to meet her Korean parents (36:55).
  • “Thank you. I mean, do you know how long it’s taken him to finally get to this point?” — SuChin (36:25)
• Cultural advice: For Asian families, cash or fruit is always safe—never alcohol or flowers (37:57).
  • “Fruit. That is what they love.” — SuChin (38:23)

Kulap’s Worst Gift: Handmade Quilts & Table Runners from Her Mother-in-Law [38:58]

• Her mother-in-law is an avid quilter and gifts an endless supply of handmade sewn items—well-intentioned but never matching Kulap’s style.
  • “She’s a quilter… I feel like I’ve gotten one year purses, small quilts, large quilts, table runners, Christmas goods…” — Kulap (39:02)
• The emotional obligation is heavy, especially since her mother-in-law believes gifts must be treasured.
  • “You can feel that there’s this expectation… It’s just heavy with that.” — Kulap (40:01)
• Kulap finds a solution by commissioning more modern, color-directed framed quilt squares—creating a piece she can display proudly.
• She pushes back on “emotional blackmail gifts” and embraces boundaries, recounting her father-in-law’s intervention when she tried to declutter (“Cool up, you’re going too hard. This is a lot for her.” — 45:05)

Both on Mother-in-Laws & Passive-Aggressive Gifts

• SuChin’s MIL & the “Top Sheet” Email: SuChin’s mother-in-law obsesses over cleanliness and once sent an email titled “Do you know what a top sheet is?” after staying over and not seeing one on the guest bed (52:19).
  • “I got this email. Like, died. Do I know what a top sheet is?” — SuChin (53:33)
• She once received a car wash gift card “to her mother-in-law’s carwash,” not her own local one (55:33).
  • “That’s how it’s aggressive. It’s her car wash place.” — Kulap (55:53)
• Kulap’s MIL’s Guest Bathroom Drama: On Thanksgiving, her own MIL brings Kleenex “for hand drying” (not for the toilet), with a post-it note, as “your towel gets too wet” (56:55).

Most Outrageous Gift Story: “The Live Betta Fish” from a Friend [58:18–65:54]

• Kulap’s friend Rita gifts every household member (including guests) a live betta fish in a container on Christmas.
  • “We were shocked to open it to see a small container with a beta fish in it. What is this?” — Kulap (59:08)
• The gift is a callback to a Thanksgiving board game joke (“how sexy is a betta fish?”), but no one is amused—especially when they realize caring for a fish is more complicated than suggested.
  • “She’s a clinical therapist… but she thinks she’s a comedian.” — SuChin (60:23)
• The group privately scrambles to rehome the fish, with various successes: some to Kulap’s house cleaner, another surrendered to a pet shop, one “reverse shoplifted” onto the Petco shelf (65:44).
  • “We rehomed our fish in less than 24 hours. And we said, Rita… new rule for the Aukerman family Christmas: no living things.” — Kulap (65:54)
• The story becomes a running family joke, with Rita’s head photoshopped onto a betta fish in their group text (66:21).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the compulsion of holiday gifting:
  “Holiday season is our blackout season and I will probably blackout next year. But this awareness, this 11-month awareness, I’m hoping… somewhere a light bulb goes on.” — SuChin (17:45)

• On awkward gift obligations:
  “If a gift is a gift, I can do whatever the fuck I want with it. I shouldn’t have really… I have a problem with any sort of obligations. The emotional blackmail gift.” — Kulap (43:57)

• On setting boundaries:
  “Gifts are love language. But just like everything in life, there are boundaries.” — SuChin (68:40)

• On culturally safe gifts:
  “For Asians, you know what I mean? Bring the cash… Fruit. Fruit is such a fruit.” — SuChin (38:23)

• On the “worst” gift:
  “I think my gift giving wasn’t up to my usual standard. I had less time. It wasn’t as joyful as past years. Something’s gotta change.” — Kulap (17:29)

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Key Timestamps

• 03:00 – January rituals: deep cleaning & inventory
• 06:32 – Avatar-inspired “blue, less pink” mindset
• 11:01 – Parenting tip #48: the magic & trap of holiday traditions
• 16:48 – Aspiring to “only three gifts” per kid next Christmas
• 21:09 – SuChin’s obsession with Beth's Dead podcast
• 28:48 – “Worst Gifts” segment begins
• 30:12 – SuChin’s perpetual “no gift” from her husband
• 38:58 – Kulap’s mother-in-law’s endless quilted gifts
• 52:19 – SuChin’s mother-in-law and the infamous “top sheet” intervention
• 55:33 – The passive-aggressive car wash gift card
• 58:18 – LIVE betta fish gag-gift disaster story
• 65:44 – Sang’s “reverse shoplifting” solution to fish rehoming
• 68:40 – Gifts ≠ boundaries, final reflections

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Tone & Style

• Laid-back, humorous, and confessional, with the “Aunties” riffing and gently roasting themselves, their families, and each other.
• Willing to call out “emotional blackmail” while still centering love and understanding.

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In Summary

This episode is a hilarious yet empathetic look at how cultural differences, family quirks, and gift-giving can collide in unexpected ways. Kulap and SuChin remind us that boundaries, awareness, and the freedom to say “no” (to both things and expectations) are worth honoring—all while keeping the stories and laughter flowing. Whether you seek catharsis from your own family gift disasters, or just love hearing real-life tales of “presents gone wrong,” this episode will leave you smiling, wincing, and possibly rethinking that next White Elephant swap.

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Listener Callout:
The Aunties want to hear the worst gifts you've ever received. "Name names. We did." (69:05)
Share your stories with them on Instagram @addtocartpod or at addtocart.world.

Transcript

[A]

Carters. It's a new year, and that means fresh energy. So let's get to that idea that could turn into a small business that you keep saying one day about. This is your sign. This is the day. New year, new chapter, new vibe. And you'll never get an accountability buddy better than this little nosy auntie. I want you to take those first real steps toward building something that's yours. And when you're ready to get it off the ground, you should know about the easiest way to do that. Shopify. Shopify is the seamless tool that helps turn your idea into a real business, online or in person, or both. Millions of entrepreneurs have already taken that leap. And honestly, just about everyone I know uses it. Friends, creators, other podcast hosts. With merch. It's the only platform they trust. It could be that Shopify makes it easy to build your dream store with hundreds of beautiful templates. Or they're built in AI tools to help you write your product descriptions, headlines, and even edit photos. This is about launching your dream faster without feeling overwhelmed by details. And Shopify will grow with you. More orders, new markets, one simple dashboard. So Shopify is ready when you are in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling [e-mail] Add to go to shopify.com Add to cart. That's shopify.com Add to cart here. Your first this new year with Shopify by your side. Also with that fire boy.

[B]

Bling bling.

[A]

You forgot your bling bling. Wait.

[B]

Happy new year. It's 2026, and it's time for another year of Add to Cart, the podcast about the things we buy and buy into and what it says about who we are. I'm your auntie, Kulap Vilaisak.

[A]

And I'm your other auntie, Soojin Park. Welcome. 2026. It should be what we buy into and what we're no longer allowed to buy and what it says about who we are.

[B]

Speak on this.

[A]

I'm just saying that, like, you know, we sit here in January. Yeah. You know what January is? Two things.

[B]

Number one.

[A]

Number one, it's called cleaning up. This is the month. We talked about this many years ago. There's, like a Japanese tradition at the end of the year, they do this where it's a deep clean. And I'm talking take the silverware drawer, you know, the insert out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Vacuum the crumbs. You probably don't have crumbs in yours. Crumbs Crumbs in the silverware drawer. I mean like really clean. And then the second thing you do in January is inventory number two. And between Italia, between the holidays, when I say on a no buy 20, 26, I've done a month.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I feel like I've done two months. It could be a year. And this could be a new podcast. And I know I've said this before, but I have not felt it in my ginch the way I feel it now. A shudder.

[B]

Interesting use. I've never heard you call it a ginch before and so I'm noting that. But I think it's an interesting experiment if all things are true what you're saying. And of course we can change our minds. That's our prerogative.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I will be interested in what you decide to buy and I want to.

[A]

Pick up on that. And as I'm saying this, I'm just you guys just for coo because you're never going to see this video. I'm turning my computer around to show you what all the things I'm looking at. I'm looking at an. A giant air fryer that is going back. I have an air fryer. Yeah, I have an air fryer. But I got into this weird thing of like, is it non toxic enough? Do I need a glass air fryer in. In Instagram. Real, real buy. And then I've got four boxes of ceramics.

[B]

You love ceramics.

[A]

I love ceramics. I love to gift ceramics, but I need to stop and that. This is the inventory. Yeah. And so I forget. Sorry I had to interrupt because I just was looking here and the reckoning was just right in front of me. But you left on a note, a.

[B]

Question perhaps I want to say also. Again, so sorry listeners, you will never see this video. We. We don't trend like other people do. Netflix, they have invested now in a bunch of iHeartRadio podcasts that will be exclusive to Netflix, that no longer be with YouTube. And that is a clear sign of where this business is going. And yet suchin and cool up, we say, no, no, no, further, further, further.

[A]

Call us purists. Call us purists. Call us piano.

[B]

Okay, call us whatever you want to, but we shan't be doing video.

[A]

No. But you know who's not calling Netflix?

[B]

No. For what? For what purpose?

[A]

For dark video with nothing on it but great audio. My God, great audio. When Netflix wants to step down from their pillar and say, let us give back to humanity and just go, audio only, audio only.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Let's develop. Let's develop another sense.

[B]

In this scenario, they have purchased the wb, they have the library, okay? They have, you know, they have dc.

[A]

They may have purchased all of AI.

[B]

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

[A]

And I mean I. Whatever that means. And they make a bold choice in my universe, let me call it my Avatar again. I saw Avatar, and that is where I found myself. And I said, this has to be the new me. I cannot consume in the way that the pink people are consuming an avatar. I know that this is a little bit of a left turn, but it's not. I'm right on track, baby. And when I say Netflix, Netflix, what.

[B]

You'Re saying is that you need to be Na' Vi more blue, less pink. Is that what I'm hearing you say?

[A]

I mean, when my blood bleeds for the Na'. Vi, when that little human Rastafari white guy with dreads.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Grows a Na' Vi tail.

[B]

How, how, how.

[A]

Ours is not to question the Avatar, especially two people as unintelligent in that language as us. I sat there for close to four hours while, by the way, my son is from 45 minutes in, says, can we leave? He's finished his popcorn. He's finished his sour patch.

[B]

He's finished.

[A]

He has no idea what this movie is about. I am crying Na' Vi tears.

[B]

Oh, wow, sue.

[A]

And from 45 minutes through four hours, whatever, do the math. He just every 12 minutes is, can we go? And I say, shh, baby, yes, one more minute. And I stay till the bitter end.

[B]

The bitter end. The end.

[A]

The credits. And I said, and I looked him and I said, do you think they'll do another Tell me, what do you feel in your young oracle bones? And he's like, I my face wet.

[B]

Wow. Wow.

[A]

Really deeply moisturized for the first time in 2026. And I said, we cannot. Mother Earth cannot take more air fryers. No, she cannot take more air fryers.

[B]

Can't.

[A]

She can't take overnight shipping. She can't take two day express. She can't take polyester one second too. Yes, they agree.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

Molly and Georgia agree. Stop. But they, They've been living in the Avatar. All the animals have. They've been begging us. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I digress. But don't digress. I'm right on path. At least anyone thinks this show is ever scripted. No one is more surprised than us.

[B]

I. I don't think. I mean, please let us know if you've ever thought that, because again, you know, that this is the looser era. I mean, why the way that these Sweatpants that have been washed over and over again and just twisted in the dryer, just unraveling. It's basically. There's no cuffs at the bottom. Everything is just threads. Okay? That's what we are, threads. Okay, so later on in the episode, we're gonna talk shit about the worst gifts we've ever gotten. I guess this is our mood. But, yeah, before that, sue, let's just catch up some more. Okay. So how. How was your holiday?

[A]

I, I, that was it. That was my catch. That was the mood. I'll add one little thing to it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

First of all, my children were off from school for three and a half weeks, almost a month.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

They just went to school this morning. The last four mine days. Mine too. Mine too. Rough.

[B]

Rough.

[A]

And the first half, it was a Hallmark movie.

[B]

We're in the holidays, the village, the, you know. Yes, you're about to ski, you know.

[A]

And then on January 1, when I had to recreate Christmas with all the vim and vigor that my almost teenage daughter expected because we, quote, unquote, missed Christmas because she had the ski trip of a lifetime in a ski chalet, opening stockings from Italy. But she wanted the full production. I mean, I baked cookies, there was music, the full thing. And she got it. And I started to kind of navi there. You know, I started there. But as she's opening her gifts and I'm seeing what it is I've done and what it is I've created, you cannot step back. Let me give you parenting tip number 48.

[B]

Okay, let's hear it. Number 48.

[A]

Number 48 is think about what you're going to do. And the thing that you want to do for your child is going to be probably fantastic. They're going to love it. You know, it's going to be like, every year on your birthday, we're going to take a trip, or Christmas is going to look like this, and then we're going to do a naughty elf, and then we're going to do an Advent calendar. And the thing is, is I encourage you to create magic and wonder, but I also caution that you can't step back from it with a child.

[B]

This is gonna dovetail perfectly into my thing.

[A]

Yeah, you can't. And so I'm looking at her, and there is a part of me that's like, wow. Like, I have recreated my childhood in wonder and magic, and there's healing in that exponentially, exponentially. And now I'm sort of on the Na' Vi side of it, where I'm looking at her and I'm like, not only is there so much stuff, which is fine. I'm actually, I'm not like, you know, I haven't made a religion out of this guys yet, but I'm looking at it and I'm saying 90% of it is just stuff that she told me to buy. She sent me links, right? And I'm like, huh, is this Christmas? And. And there's no like surprise.

[B]

And in the corner, Mike Bender looking smug as fuck.

[A]

I mean, I'm never going to voice this to him. I mean, that's a marriage.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

In a marriage, a marriage. Tip number 12. Number 12. When you are wrong, you hide that shit.

[B]

You bury it.

[A]

You bury it. It's deep in the bottom of your extra large tampon box.

[B]

Throw it in the tub, pour. Pour acid on it, then let it go down the drain.

[A]

Never. And let it take everything with it. Okay? So there's that. And so like nary 24 hours later, the next day, she said she got Christmas money right? From, you know, my parents and my brother. And she's like, will you take me shopping? It wasn't even 20, it was the next day.

[B]

Oh God. And I get it from her point of view, of course. From almost teen. I get it.

[A]

So excited.

[B]

Hungry hungry Hippo.

[A]

Hungry Hungry, Hungry Hungry Hippo.

[B]

Oh, I get it. So then.

[A]

And I go there into Avatar and I'm out the other side.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that was my end of year. You go, let me.

[B]

Because this is tailing quite nicely as you know, Christmas is my super bowl and we gotta talk about what were our hits and misses. Okay. Specifically to the season. I'm very happy with the Christmas decor schedule. When it went up, how much I did. But aside from that, as a Na', Vi, I gotta do even less next year. Even less. I'm not talking about the decor.

[A]

Why? Because of the. The taking part was so laborious.

[B]

Why, why do you at top of mind, less gifts for me, Scott and Emmy. Now you know that. And I'm talking about things that we purchase. Okay. For the three of us. You know, I've. I've been so ipcchin. Unlike family correspondence about Christmas, wherein I was like, remember, no gifts for Emmy. If you must, if you must. One, one. Of course. My beloved sister in law Jamie did too, but that's fine. She's. That's her love language. I get it, I get it. She loves buying things for everyone, but especially Emmy. But I just. There's just so much stuff. And even though I really try to space out opening gifts for Emmy because it's just so overwhelming. It's just like you want things to matter and mean something, and it just seems like so much stuff. And meanwhile, I'm also like. Because of my thing is, like, if things come in, then things have to go out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's so funny because I have a. It's an E frame of pictures.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We. It was a sponsor of ours, and we have that going all the time. And anytime Emmy sees, like, baby photos of her, she's like, where's that toy? Where's that toy? Where's that? Where's that?

[A]

I'm like, oh, she's taking inventory in a different way. Yeah. And if she's not having a fit.

[B]

I was like, we gave it to somebody. You know, she's not.

[A]

But she's.

[B]

She's clocking it. But things for her disappear. Like, they. Things come and things disappear.

[A]

Oh, enjoy that era, honey.

[B]

So the thing is, is that, like, I'm realizing this is the year that she understood Christmas. She locked into Santa and just sort of an aside. Like, it was January 1st, and she's like, I want to listen to Christmas music. And I'm like, let's not do that. Like, I'm like, oh, no. I've created a mini me. And she's still singing, like, rocking around the Christmas tree. Jingle bells, oh, holy night like, today, Today. And then we are January 7th at this recording. So it's like I've created a monst. So my desire. My desire and what will actually happen are two different things, Right, Sue? My desire after this Christmas is one gift from Santa, one gift from mom and Dad. I know it's not gonna be.

[A]

Gotta do it.

[B]

I know it won't do it. It'll probably be three. But maybe what it is, it's like we just each all have three gifts and in the morning, you know? Cause it's a little crazy that we do, like, an hour before anyone shows up at our house. Then there's more gifts when people are here, it's too much, so. And I will also say that just because of schedule and life, I'm gonna give myself some feedback. And I feel like my gift giving wasn't up to my usual standard. I had less time. It was more like. I don't know. I kind of. I've gotta be honest. It wasn't as joyful as past years.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

So something's gotta change. Something's gotta shift.

[A]

Yeah. And, boy, I'm really not surprised. But, like, this Is interesting that we both kinda came to the same mood. I mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not pointing at one thing. There was no drama, nothing like that. It was really just like two people coming out of a blackout and into their true awareness. Because holiday season is our blackout season and I will probably blackout next year. But this awareness, this 11 month awareness, I'm hoping that in my blackout state, in that wounded child subconscious, Hungry Hungry Hippo, that somewhere a light bulb goes on. And I think it has to be this, like, I don't know what it is. I have to rethink it. Like you now. How old is Emmy again?

[B]

She's three.

[A]

Four, right?

[B]

She's three. She's three. I feel like if I make a shift now.

[A]

Yes, yes. Because it just gets harder. Like I don't know how to dial this back with a teenage daughter. You know what I mean? So like, I'm thinking, I'm just spitballing here. Is it that like she gets a budget?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, you know, you can just spend that how you want. And that's it. Is it that you get one gift from me and the rest of it in cash?

[B]

Like, you know, like.

[A]

Because she still wants the stuff. She still wants to open it, but like opening stuff she bought herself on my credit card was pissing me off. And like everybody was done and there were still so many gifts that her and I had to do a part two, just her and me. Cause it was getting embarrassing and I didn't want Mike to be like, what the fuck? And we had to do a separate one in my adu, like a separate part two. Because not only that, she looked at one gift, which she wanted, and I was there, you know, and she bought it and she's like, you know what? I'm gonna open this. I'm not gonna open this here. Cause dad's gonna be mad. I mean, we're gonna.

[B]

We're so self aware. What are we doing?

[A]

What are, what am I doing? I'm like, yeah, don't open that in front of dad right now. Like, do not open up a jelly cat right now.

[B]

Now's not the time. She.

[A]

He will lose his mind.

[B]

She is reading the room. She is.

[A]

Oh, nunchi for days. She's born with it. It's in her DNA. But I'm like, wait, what are we. What. What's happening here?

[B]

What is this?

[A]

What? You know what? It's not. It's not Na'. Vi.

[B]

Well, no, it's not.

[A]

It's not Na', Vi, baby. And so if a small White child with dreadlocks can find redemption if he.

[B]

Can evolve to have a Na' Vi.

[A]

Tail, so too, shall I.

[B]

Thus, much like L' Soe because of it. Trickle down theory that way.

[A]

I'm only doing this for her. Who cares where this vanilla bean husk is going? Like, I'm trying to save her from a lifelong. I mean, it's probably too late, but I'm just saying, like, I have to at least try so that in my deathbed, I said, I tried. I really, really tried. So I think that that will come and. Yeah, and we're both just taking stock. Wait, before we go? Wait, do we. Do you have more before we go? I have to.

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

Oh, my God, Please.

[B]

What?

[A]

You know what I'm gonna talk about.

[B]

Oh, of course. Okay, baby.

[A]

We are recording this on a Wednesday. On a Monday afternoon, I stumbled onto a podcast called Beth's Dead. Everyone. Let me repeat that because you're gonna. Beth's Dead. Okay, I stumbled onto this podcast Monday afternoon, and Tuesday at 10pm I finished it. No breaks.

[B]

Yeah, it's so good.

[A]

I slept. But there was no way that I could stop this podcast until the bitter, bitter last minute.

[B]

Let's back it up. This is a podcast with Elizabeth Lame, Andy Rosen, and Monica. Monica from Armchair Expert. Expert. And this is like true crime in the best way. Social podcasting, like, of our time.

[A]

And for those that are shy of true crime, don't worry, dive in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it is. I have to say, I can't remember the last time I was so delighted and hooked in. And when I started listening to the podcast, I didn't know it was Elizabeth.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I'm.

[B]

No, I do feel that this is a failing on my part. I. This is something that got lost in the hubbub of the holiday because I. Elizabeth Lane.

[A]

Did it just launch?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[B]

No, it's because I was like. It dropped, like, once a week for a while.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, now you can listen to the whole thing. I'm glad, actually, you didn't tell me because once a week I would have stopped it because I would have been so mad. I. You need to listen to this the way that I listen to it. There's no other way. There's no other way. I really, truly believe it because it's. It's so good that halfway through, I ran into the house and I said, mike, I have to tell you about this podcast.

[B]

You know.

[A]

You know what's more annoying than someone telling you about a podcast is telling you about a dream they Had. You know what I mean? It's like that annoying. And he was like, okay. And. And I go through it. I'm recreating the podcast. It's like hour in, and he is mid cooking utensil. Stop. Jaw drop. And he's like, tell me what happens. I'm like, okay, I got to go back in. I go back, you know, and then last night, I run in. I'm like, I can tell you the end. And he was like, tell me right now. It was so good. But anyway, I didn't know it was Elizabeth. And I'm listening to this podcast, and I'm like, wait, I know this voice. I. His voice is very familiar. Well, then I went into the show.

[B]

She never said Tetris. Not once did Elizabeth lame say Tetris. And now you hear Andy's voice, and you know, he's the man who said to Elizabeth while playing Tetris that with me coaching you, you can go all the way.

[A]

She started to drop hints about. And I was like, wait, I know this podcast, but I know this voice. She. Okay. And for Carter's, please check out her. She's been on Add to Cart.

[B]

You know what? One link.

[A]

We'll have one link, and that's the link to that. Okay, so if you haven't listened to their many podcasts, they're like OG Podcasters. If you haven't listened to them any, you can listen to the Add to Cart one get. You just sort of like in the world of who this person is, kind, sweet, wonderful, connected, empathetic, hilarious. Just a stellar human being. Great friend to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Mahjong queen.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And then once I figure that out, I figured that pretty quickly, the whole thing again was Avatar. I mean, I was like, there's no way I'm getting up. I mean, I am sitting here, 9pm listening on my laptop because I have to charge my phone. Just like it on my donut pillow.

[B]

I'm not in bed.

[A]

Not face mask, not gua sha, full makeup on tea donut pillow. 9:00pm being like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. It is such a ride, and it's so fun. And it is. Oh, God, I can't imagine a better podcast this year.

[B]

I can imagine. I was just gonna say hands down, my favorite podcast.

[A]

Hands down. Hands down. Hands down, Hands down. I would love for you guys in the comments to give me another podcast you think could rival this because that would be the best gift you could give to a Navi, let me consume that one.

[B]

It's interesting you said rival because I would love for you to watch heated rivalry.

[A]

No, you don't.

[B]

Yes, I do.

[A]

You do not want me to watch that. This is going to be like Bridgerton. Tell me. Okay, in one line. And be honest. Be honest.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What is the engine, the plot, the.

[B]

Summary of this show, the greatest love story ever told.

[A]

You all know the drill here. Add to cart Quince. And as you look to this bold new year ahead, rest assured, wardrobe refresh is going to be not only easy breezy, but actually fun. Even I the ultimate open carts. Auntie always checks out my quince cart.

[B]

Listen, as I try to buy less from monolithic evil empires, Quince has made it so darn easy to get all the staples I need without sacrificing on quality. So I'm talking Mongolian cashmere sweaters that sue uses as scarves, 100% silk tops and skirts that you can throw in the wash. It's the future arrived here for us to enjoy.

[A]

And one of my keeps for 2026 is buying less garbage, less stuff that doesn't hold up to the wear and tear of my life. You know, that hard wear and tear coup. But let me. Let me talk about these Italian leathers, okay? Coo. I swear to you, when I was in Italy shopping for bags, leather bags, I said, quince is my bar. I kept thinking, if I cannot find better than quince and I'm not dragging this garbage home, two of my friends.

[B]

Are strutting around this new year with my gifts to them. Roy sue, who you may recall won the second annual Aukerman family Christmas Cookie contest, is looking sharp in the featherless quilted jacket in the color admiral, which is like a. A navy. And Rita, who famously gave me a Betta fish two Christmases ago, can transition from her days as a clinical therapist to nights out with her boyfriend in the Italian wool oversized blazer in textured brown.

[A]

So chic.

[B]

So chic.

[A]

Because it's Quint's. Everything's made with premium materials and ethical trusted factories priced way lower than traditional luxury brands. These are forever pieces. So refresh your wardrobe with quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com add to cart for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com add to cart free shipping, 365 day returns. Quince.com addtocart this episode we're doing something A little different, right?

[B]

Yeah. It's a little saucy. It's a little meow. Yeah. I mean, I'm trying think, like, for.

[A]

Me, it isn't so much. And we'll get into our carts. It isn't so much about, like, oh, I'm talking shit about things. It's more that I'm talking shit about people that are very close to me that I would never talk about on the main feed.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah, that's for me, at least on my list. I don't know. I'm excited to hear what your list is. You're right.

[B]

We wouldn't, like, tag brands, but we also wouldn't tag the people. So without any further ado, we present the worst gifts the aunties have ever received. Sue, you start. You start us off.

[A]

Let's see what I've got here. Oh, okay, great. So my. Our. My. Our love language is gifts. Yeah. So in some ways, when you said, hey, why don't we do this? I was like, I've never received a bad gift because any gift is exciting in some way for me. Even terrible, terrible gifts. Like the term bad gift, it's so contradictory, because I love getting and giving gifts so much. It's not about. It's rarely even about the thing.

[B]

The experience. Yeah.

[A]

Because I was really trying to sit with it, and I'm like, God, have I ever received something where I was like, ooh, this is a thing? And I couldn't come up with very much? And so the first thing I thought of is that the worst gift that I receive every year is no gift from my husband. Yeah. Mike Bender. Go ahead, find him on the Instagrams now.

[B]

He's on it a lot. Yeah.

[A]

So much. So much more than.

[B]

He's got a lot of accounts. He's got a lot of accounts.

[A]

Or want him to be, but that's okay. Hey, he's doing his thing, and his love language is not gifts. He doesn't like getting gifts. He doesn't like giving gifts. The thought doesn't cross his mind. And when he gets gifts, I. E. Around Christmas time, I. I know enough before, it would just bug the shit out of me that he would be like, oh, what? Again? Oh, my God. And I couldn't figure it out in our relationship. At first, I'm like, is he feigning kind of like, oh, it's too much, it's too much, but he loves it. No, he's genuinely fucking annoyed that there's another gift. Like, unless the gift is something he can really use. Practically, like, really practical.

[B]

He's going to find that, though, for himself.

[A]

He's gonna find that for himself. But, like, every once in a while, I mean, I can't even think of it again. But I've gotten him something where he's like, oh, my God, I really need this. It's become easier now that he's got this damn van because it's equipped with. The van. Yeah. The van is a lifestyle. I mean, I tell you, there's billions and billions of products.

[B]

The van is his he shed. Let's be very clear.

[A]

Let's be very. The van is his boyfriend, okay? They're in a homosexual relationship.

[B]

That's how I felt when he was like, oh, we're doing the she shed. And I'm like, yeah, of course you are. Because we.

[A]

I remember how long it got to.

[B]

Get to the van. I just. I know the road to the van.

[A]

Yes, the he shed. And now we have a matching she shed. And so, like, yeah, I have gotten, like, portable lanterns or whatever. But he really genuinely, like, it's taken me a while. I'm like, wow, he really does not like getting gifts. That's not his love language. His love language is not my love language, which is spending time together.

[B]

I'm so sorry. I just. No, I mean, I'm not laughing. It's just how you said it. It's just dripping in your face and in your words.

[A]

Because I don't. How he feels about getting and giving gifts is how I feel about spending time together. I hate it. Don't want to do it ever. His love language is touch. Ew. I don't even really like touching my kids. They know it. Listen, they know I love them. I lay my life down. But I don't need to do the hugs and the kisses. I just don't. I'm sorry. That may be a controversial take as a mother, but that's the truth. I'm just gonna lay it out here. Those are his love languages. Okay, let me give you an example. Mike gets really, really annoyed. He calls it the back hug. Like, when he comes in for a hug, I don't even. I'm not doing it on purpose. I slightly turn to give him my back. Maybe even half of my back, not my full back. I'm not, you know. You know, the psycho, but. And he's like the. A back hug. And now my daughter does it to him. To him, everyone. He's just. She just kind of turns a little bit because that's how I hug my children. And he. It really really bothers him that, like, somehow I've passed on this back hug. Like, we've talked about it a million times, and I'm like, I can't change who I am. I can't be inauthentic in my life. Like, I can't play a role. What do you want me to do? That's just what my body does. Like, I can't help it. So it's interesting because my daughter is like me in that way, and then my son is like him in that way. Cause he's always like, mom, can I have a front hug? And I'm like, he used to request the front hug.

[B]

I want a hug from the front, mother.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm like, I mean, I guess.

[B]

This is your boy, your son. I mean, he is the one who clears out the mobile van toilet. So I just think that maybe a front hug is fair. I'm just saying.

[A]

And by the way, he's the only one I give regular front hugs to. I like, when I see him and I'm like, hugging him, I'm like, sue Jin, stop. Front hug. Like, I do consciously, like, give him the love that he deserves and that I have deep down inside for my blood, for the one. And he is the one. Right? So, okay, so that's my love language. As I said, let's get back to the thing, right? Is gifts. My husband doesn't buy me gifts. And it used to cause a lot of friction in the beginning. Like, I'm like, how do you not get a birthday present? Like, how does that even cross your mind? I'm not talking about Valentine's Day or an Easter basket. I'm talking about birthday.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

You can't miss birthday and Christmas. You can't. And Christmas, Whatever your Christmas is. Whatever that is. Okay? So, yeah, in fact, as I'm saying it now, fine, Christmas. Maybe you're a Seventh Day Adventist and you don't believe in that. Like, but birthdays are. That's universal. There should be no religious attachments. I know there can be. But anyway, so he just doesn't. And it sucks. And that's the worst gift I get every year, over and over again, is no gift. Yeah, but okay, to be fair, if he's listening, he would say, he does give me an envelope of cash.

[B]

How Asian. Wow.

[A]

Thank you. I mean, do you know how long it's taken from him to finally get this point? Do you know when my husband went to go meet my parents for the first time? Time. And he went to go up to the Bay Area we were driving up, he was like, well, what should I, should I bring something? Like, what should I? And I was like, cash. And so he was like, what are you talking about? And I was like. And I kind of explained it, blah, blah. And maybe I didn't explain it very well, but he was really like strangely offended.

[B]

It's a cultural thing.

[A]

Yeah, it's a cultural thing, right? And he was just like, just offended and confused. It was all these things. And so he went to one of his closest friends who's also married to a Korean woman, and they went out to lunch to talk about this in law meeting from a white man's perspective, you know, because he was so. He was nervous. He was like, okay, what? You know what I mean? From your perspective? Because I'm sure I was telling him things that either weren't making sense or I wasn't telling him anything at all. I'm like, it'll be fine. You just be nice, be respectful. Don't call them by any name. Look them in the eye. Take your shoes off. I don't know, you know, and he's just like overwhelmed. And so he was talking to his friend and it came up and he's like, well, is it true? And the guy was like, 100%. You have to bring an envelope of cash. Yeah, he didn't bring an envelope of cash. And anyone listening? That's not Asian. Is like, really?

[B]

It isn't.

[A]

It isn't. Just.

[B]

It isn't.

[A]

It isn't. It isn't. It's like there are occasions and for Asians, you know what I mean? Bring the cash.

[B]

But like another thing is fruit. Just bring fruit. Just go get fruit.

[A]

Do not bring alcohol. Do not bring flowers.

[B]

Don't bring flowers.

[A]

Don't bring anything that isn't going to be consumed or used in a practical way. If you don't know this person and they're Asian fruit. Fruit is such a fruit.

[B]

Fruit.

[A]

That is what they love. Expensive chocolate. And expensive means seas. I'm not talking about. You don't have to go to the hand painted chocolatier. Belgian quality quality chocolates. Yeah, just something like that. But anyway, so I don't know. I digress. So that's the worst gift that I receive again and again.

[B]

I'm gonna go next. And I think it's great because per usual we don't talk about these things. But we're, we're entering what we call the mother in law section of this episode.

[A]

You have mother in law?

[B]

Oh my God. Yeah. I love her. I love her to death. But like.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I'm removing from cart. So she's somebody who has given me over the years an abundance of handmade, sewn and quilted goods. Like she's a quilter. She's. You know, I feel like I've gotten one year purses, I've gotten small quilts, quilts, large quilts. I've gotten varieties of table runners, Christmas goods and stuff like that. And it's like we just have. We have different tastes, you know, like it's just. It is this. And I've kept everything she's given me. I haven't. You can feel that there's this expectation. Of course. Like when someone has made something who's labored, labored. I mean labored over it, spent days, hours, you know, making a quilt is no small feat.

[A]

She wants to be seen on your.

[B]

Beard and you kind of. You feel that.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

It's just heavy with that. And I also think she, for a period of time it was like she was making so much because it's like I felt like it was. She was like trying to outrun like old age and arthritis too.

[A]

Like she's like banking. It's.

[B]

Yeah. And I mean she's still. It's been on pause while she was, you know, taking care of my, my father in law before he passed. But one room is just like. It's a, it's a sewing quilting room like that. I mean these are like. This is the level that she's at but because you get it and you, you have to say thank you. But like it's so. Some stuff I have liked. But I remember like early on like when Scott and I were, I think at least moved in together, you know, but. And we did really like reading. We're nerds. You guys know this.

[A]

We.

[B]

When Harry Potter came out, we would get two books and like read basically read them back to back, you know what I mean? Our own copies, you know, and it's really sweet, but like we were you know, again like adults. Like she made like a bunch of Harry Potter pillowcases and stuff. And it's like, oh. And then I. There is something in me that feels like I should use it too. So these two kind of like competing sort of feelings. And I think I finally got to a place where when we moved into the last house, I like commissioned something from her and I said, okay, these are the. I want a frame four quilt squares. Here are the colors that we're gonna do. And did she.

[A]

Did she. Yeah, she appreciate that. And she was excited about it.

[B]

And I hung it. I hung it in that house.

[A]

I hung.

[B]

And it's in our dining room right now. So that she's always represented, you know. And I, I do like these. I love the American arts. It's just, we have just different styles.

[A]

Where are those Harry Potter pillowcases go? Yeah. I wonder, are you running around before she comes over and like throwing quilts on couches?

[B]

No, that's, that's why the solve was to put. There's four framed.

[A]

But is she squares quilting things for Emmy now?

[B]

She has. And Emmy has this like. She did a, like a baby quilt and she's, she does. She did a apron and she's done, you know, and it's upstairs with her other stuff now.

[A]

Correct me if I'm wrong. Is she also the type when she. She buys things like for Emmy and whatnot, she wants to see her in it and the pictures and.

[B]

Sure, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's all mother in laws. That's like a. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And you know, I do my best to do those deals, those requests, but I, you know, our Scott. Okay. So just to remind everybody, I've been with Scott since 99. We had maybe like a year or two break when I was like 21 and you know, I'll be 45 in May.

[A]

Quilted things you've acquired.

[B]

Well, also just to say that like it's just been with my parental background of just like laying down loving boundaries is where I'm getting at. And so I do think one of my master strokes was these framed four pieces. Because it's always up, it's in a prominent place. She's always a part of it. So if like a gift is a gift, right? And so you give me a gift, I can do whatever the fuck I want with it. Like that's like I shouldn't have like really. I have a problem with the. Any sort of obligations.

[A]

The emotional blackmail gift I have.

[B]

I know we've talked about this before, but I do that really have a problem with it. And it kind of came up with her and I understood her thought process a little bit more and took it less personally is when we were moving my in laws from. They had a house in Payson. And when Burt's health just really. That was when it really got really bad and we needed to move them closer to Orange where she is now. They had like this huge house that they built and they were downsizing and it was time to kind of like, we gotta, you know, let's get rid of some stuff. Let's not take everything back. And she was. I remember talking to her about certain stuff. She's like, But I was like, do you. What about this? Can you get rid of this? And she's like, well, so and so gave it to me. And it was a gift. And it's like, okay, well, if you don't, you know, like, it was so important to her. They say, you know, show people how you want to be loved. And for her, it's like to keep a gift and like that. Like, it's precious.

[A]

She. Well, that was how she was. She was giving the love to that person.

[B]

Exactly right. So it has been. I think I've said this on Mike, like, the one time I had such a lovely relationship with my father in law and they are and were very conservative, but there was always, like, love and respect there. But the one time he kind of gave me a talking to was the very sort of same weekend where I was just trying to like, push her, as I do with everybody, to like, let's donate stuff, let's get rid of stuff. And she was just like, incredibly overwhelmed. He was like, cool up. You gotta. You gotta pull back. You're going too hard. This is a lot for her. Like, And I, look, I heard it, respected it, and I did it.

[A]

I did it.

[B]

I was like, all right, Bert got it. Understood. Understood. But yeah, like, there's just like. And to get back to the ragging part of it, because that's what this is about. It was like, I don't. It's not even like table runners, Sue. What are. Where it doesn't even run for the whole table. It's just like, you put it in the middle of your table and like, maybe put a vase, like, what is that, a centerpiece? A quilted centerpiece?

[A]

Table necktie. I don't know. What is it?

[B]

Yeah, and one was like, she gave me multiple ones of those over the years. And one looked like it was like Mardi Gras colors. And like, I can recognize the effort and the artistry in it that she put, but, like, it's just not my taste.

[A]

What about we set up an Etsy store for her? Yeah, just be like, God, there's so many people that would really enjoy this. But no, I mean, it's hard. It's hard when someone's making something for you.

[B]

I can't be starting another small business for my mother in law such in park. What are you doing? What do you. I don't need you to. Don't fix this.

[A]

Well, at Least don't fix it with that. Another business that we don't want to.

[B]

Run.

[A]

And that we'll make no money. That's our brand. Hey, here's a business we'll run sometimes and make no money. Anybody?

[B]

Investors.

[A]

Sharks. Hey, Sharks.

[B]

Sharks.

[A]

Hey, Sharks. Boy, do I have a great idea for you.

[B]

How about this? $1 million. You can have 100% and you run it and I walk away.

[A]

Yeah, Sharks. Hey, Sharks. You ever have an idea that you think will make no money and you don't want to do? Well, I've got a solution. For a million dollars.

[B]

For a million dollars, you want to change everything?

[A]

Fine, Fine.

[B]

I want no part of it. Yeah.

[A]

You all know the drill here. Add to cart Quince. And as you look to this bold new year ahead, rest assured, wardrobe refresh is going to be not only easy breezy, but actually fun. Even I, the ultimate open carts. Auntie always checks out my quince cart.

[B]

Listen, as I try to buy less from monolithic evil empires, Quince has made it so, so darn easy to get all the staples I need without sacrificing on quality. So I'm talking Mongolian cashmere sweaters that sue uses as scarves, 100% silk tops and skirts that you can throw in the wash. It's the future arrived here for us to enjoy.

[A]

And one of my keeps for 2026 is buying less garbage, less stuff that doesn't hold up to the wear and tear of my life. You know, that hard wear and tear coup. But, but let me. Let me talk about these Italian leathers, okay? Coo. I swear to you, when I was in Italy shopping for bags, leather bags, I said, quince is my bar. I kept thinking, if I cannot find better than Quince, and I'm not dragging this garbage home, two of my friends.

[B]

Are strutting around this new year with my gifts to them. Roy sue, who you may recall won the second annual Aukerman family Christmas cookie contest, is looking sharp in the featherless quilted jacket in the color admiral, which is like a navy. And Rita, who famously gave me a betta fish two Christmases ago, can transition from her days as a clinical therapist to nights out with her boyfriend in the Italian wool oversized blazer in textured brown.

[A]

So chic, so chic. Because it's Quint's. Everything's made with premium materials and ethical, trusted factories priced way lower than traditional luxury brands. These are forever pieces. So refresh. Refresh your wardrobe with quints. Don't wait. Go to quince.com. add to cart for free shipping on your order. And 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Add to cart free shipping 365 day returns. Quince.com addtocart.

[B]

All right, Sue, let's talk about your mother in law.

[A]

Well, that's funny because, yeah, so my mother in law is, is the type of person who, she's a shopaholic, but she's also cannot have anything in her house that she's like OCD clean freak. You know what I mean? There's no clutter. So like she's got her, you know, 12 towels, you know what I mean? She can't have one more towel. And so then if she wants to buy the 12 new towels, which is like every three months, she's got to get rid of the last 12 towels, you know, so there's like constant like coming in and out, out. And big categories are sheets, towels and lamps. Those are coming in and out rapid paces. Wayfair like she's sorry to do this again.

[B]

Warehouse we have now we know why Bender, why Mike? Be Mike.

[A]

So that's not the, the thing I'm going to talk about today. But my mother in law is also. So I've gotten gifts from her. In the beginning, I didn't feel like I could say no because I'm like, I don't. You know what I mean? How that would be rude. And so I would have these and I will take a picture. And I don't know if we're doing social for these, but you know, a trio of potteries, you know, I'm like, okay. And she's so hard to say no to because once you're like, oh, you'll give a soft, no thinking, like, hint, hint. But my mother in law is not a hint hint type of gal. And I'll be like, oh, you know what? I just don't know if I have a place for that. What do you mean? They're white. They go with everything. Any place is a place for it. I mean, they're white. They literally go with everything. They could go with this, they could go with that. They could go this. You could go here, they could go there, you could go here, go there. They're white. They're white. Everything's. And so then you're like, okay, because I don't have the energy time, does she?

[B]

Any chance that she, when giving gifts, gives gift receipts. Any chance?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

There's no at least my in laws do that. Yeah, not for the makers.

[A]

I don't know. Some. I, I can't remember. Matter. It doesn't matter. So there's just, it's just so much, so much stuff. So that's one category of gifts that she gives. The other category of gifts she gives is the category of gifts I title. Do you know what a top sheet is? And ku you remember that story? I don't know if you remember that story. And for those that are listening that don't remember, many, many years ago, I guess my mother in law was at my house and she must have looked at my bedding and, and realized that we don't use a top sheet. And I don't use a top sheet because top sheets just end up at the bottom of the bed. I don't see the point in them. And it's just one more thing that I have to like, you know, wrestle and find underneath all the sheets. I know what a top sheet is. I know what it's for. But then I got an email after she spent the weekend at our house. And the subject line was, do you know what a top sheet is? Yikes. Yikes.

[B]

That's, that's a, that's a. No bueno.

[A]

And then in the paragraph that's so aggressive. Hey, hey. Because I've heard.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey.

[A]

Do you know what a top sheet is? Oh, because maybe you don't know what a top sheet is. Like some people that they don't. A top sheet is xyz.

[B]

Well, Webster's dictionary defines a top sheet as.

[A]

So I got this email like died, Died. Do I know what a top sheet is? So that's also my mother in law. So I guess my car is not clean enough for her, huh? I don't give a fuck. You ain't paying for my car. You're not driving around two kids and all their 18 friends and soccer games and. Yeah, I don't have time. I just washed my car. It's already got mud prints on it from the rain over the weekend. You know what I mean? Like it's impossible to keep it clean to the way that she wants.

[B]

Now to her level, there may be.

[A]

A lot of people that look at my car and I don't disagree. Am I the person that once lost my keys in the car for months? You know, and I eventually found it, I was driving it around, you know, because you can drive now with keys. You don't have to put it in the ignition. And I'm like, it's in here. Somewhere I'll eventually find it. Is there rotting food and fecal matter in my car?

[B]

No.

[A]

Do I have boxes of returns and comings and goings and towels for the beach and snack bags? Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

My car can be a mess. So I try my best to sort of just put everything in the trunk when I go pick her up, but that's not good enough. So one year she got me and I still have it, haven't used it, don't even know where this place is. A gift card for a car wash plane.

[B]

It's so passive aggressive.

[A]

And I would use it. It's just like it's so far from my house, wherever she got it. And my car wash, like just down the street that I never like go out of my way, but I have it.

[B]

But that's how it's aggressive. It's not even near your house. It's so inconvenient to you.

[A]

It's her car wash place.

[B]

Oh my God. This is actually, this is bringing something up that happened on Thanksgiving, so. On Thanksgiving, by the way. This is a Thanksgiving where my mother in law brought what she said was a friend. So I, you know, you're busy, I'm busy. I do the turkey and Thanksgiving. My sister in law and Jamie hands me. It was a Kleenex Kleenex box, but they're specifically Kleenex makes tissues that are for like hand drying. So it was a box that like that and it had a post it on it. And she was like, oh, Linda wants you to put this in your bathroom. And I was like, what? It was like. And the post, it was like, don't. This is just for hand drying. It's not. Don't put it in the toilet. You know, I was like, what is this? And Linda's like, because what I have is, I have towels. I have towels. There's one hanging there. And you wipe your hands and also right next to them are like backup, like three towels, right? And I was like, what? And Linda like hollers over well, because your towel gets so wet. And I just was like, shrug, like, clearly this has been bothering her.

[A]

Do you know what a top sheet is?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's a like, clearly. And it's like there's another. You switch the towels, there's more towels. Like it gets so, like it's so dripping with history.

[A]

There are way more people that have just hand towels than I've never even heard of. You know, a Kleenex box just for disposable.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? I'VE never heard of that.

[A]

It's not like you're doing a system that people are like, strange system, but whatever.

[B]

I guess I didn't understand that she was impressing her paramore. Like, I. I had no idea.

[A]

Wow. And it's not like. I mean, we're all family here, right? I mean, I don't want to go to a. A public restroom and use a hand towel. Okay. That's why they have a paper towel machine. But, like, in my own home with my family, anyway. Oh, my God. Your towels are too wet. Towels are too juicy.

[B]

It gets too juicy. Well, then switch it out. Switch. It's right there. It's right.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. Yeah. So this next one. I don't know if I told you the story. Tell me. So twas Christmas morning. My good friend Rita, who spends Thanksgiving and Christmas with us every year, she's, like, not my sister, but she is my sister kind of situation. She's Lao. She in the morning, passed out little gift bags to my household, to Alyssa and her boyfriend Mario, my niece Dana, her fiance Trevor, and then our friends Sang and Roy. We all got these little bags. We were shocked to open it to see a small container with a Beta fish in it. What is this in.

[A]

Just right off the bat, all of you guys had the same reaction. Did anyone open it and go like, whoa, this is so fucking cool? No. Be honest.

[B]

No, no, no. My first reaction was like to laugh because I knew this was a callback to Thanksgiving, the same Thanksgiving where Linda gave me that box of napkins. So Paul Scheer came on the show, and you and I both bought that game. Wavelength.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This was the first time we cracked it open and played it. I'm not gonna go into, like, the ins and outs of this game, but Sang pulled a card that said betta fish, and Rita and I were on the same. Same team, and we correctly guessed how sexy he thought the beta was. Okay, so this is.

[A]

Which is zero Sexy. No, he.

[B]

We thought he leaned towards. Okay. And that was funny. It was a funny moment. It was a thrill. It was a throwaway moment, but such a, like, loose moment that I guess she hung onto, and that's why she. That was like, oh, I thought you.

[A]

Guys were playing wavelength after receiving the beta fix. No, no.

[B]

So this is the same thing. So this is a precursor.

[A]

This is a throw.

[B]

She's. This is a callback.

[A]

She's a comedian.

[B]

Nope, nope. She's a therapist.

[A]

What?

[B]

I'm saying, she's a clinical therapist.

[A]

Yes, yes. But she thinks she's a comedian, right? Right. Yes.

[B]

So then next year, she's like, no, not next year.

[A]

Right. The next time we all get together, Christmas.

[B]

Get us Christmas. And so also understand Dana and Trevor weren't at Thanksgiving, so they weren't even present for this.

[A]

And they're like, oh.

[B]

I mean, that was all of our reaction. We're like, what?

[A]

What? What are you supposed to do with that?

[B]

I pull it out and I look at Scott and Emmy's like, oh, yeah. Scott is so fucking pissed. He's so fucking pissed. And what comes out of his mouth is, no, I shot him a look. I shot him a look. Like, yeah. I was like, no, like, this is rude. Like, it's rude. You know, here we go into the nuances. Like, you can't get. Receive a gift and go, no, you can't.

[A]

I hate it. He was, if you're my husband, you can.

[B]

Yeah, I guess so. And I hadn't known, like, very recently. He had, like. He had this full conversation how fucked up it is for people to give live things, which is absolutely true. And honestly, plants could be there too, like, to give somebody chores. We're all on the same page of how fucking insane this was. But also, like, how are we gonna. You know, it's Christmas morning, you know.

[A]

Yeah. You're trying to keep it light, you.

[B]

Know, but so we all, like, have like, separate private conversations with one another.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because the other piece of it is I was like, rita, when did you get these? And she was like, oh, like three, four days ago. I'm like, well, did you feed them? She's like, no. I was like, rita. She's like, well, I just assumed that they were fed. We're like, okay. All of us. All of us are just like, okay. So, aha. We were all shaking our heads like, what? What is this? Has she done lost her mind? Did our friend lose her mind? So then at the end of the night, we were all. Because we'd all, you know, you can't put betta fish next to each other. So we had sort of all put our fish. Yeah, yeah, they're fighting fish. We put them in my office. And they were all in different areas. And when people were leaving, aquarium, take your fish. You better fucking take your fish.

[A]

Don't leave your fucking fish.

[B]

Don't you leave your fish behind. And we were all like, what are we gonna do? Like, we gotta figure out what we're gonna do, you know? And so everybody kind of did their own research. And then it cuts you the next day because I'M like, I'm not. I can't take this on. Like, this is just. No. So then I. And I looked up how much it would. How. How much it would take to take care of a beta fish. And, like, Rito's like, oh, you just put it, like, in a little. You know, you just put it on, like, it's so easy. And then you read about it. It's like, no, they need, like, a specific type of water. And they're like, once, once a week, you need, like, to give them, like, some, like, a meat situation because they're carnivores. Like, it's way more complicated. It's work. It's work. So then the next day, I just, like, I was like, hey, to my house cleaner who was here, do you want this fish? She's like, yes. I'm like, oh, my God, Yes. Yes. So a relief washed over me. So in the group text, and I share this group text, I said, rita, my love, my love, one whom I hold so dear. I already gave away the alive betta fish you gifted. You are truly an insane person for doing that. And then, you know, to her credit, she's like, okay, I'll take credit for the insanity this year. Pushed me over my limits. She, like, acknowledged it. And I said to her, I'm not ready to. To teach Emmy about death. It was too much responsibility. My responsibility cup is overfloweth.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then what happened is the funniest part of the story, because then Dana was like, hey, we'll we share a house cleaner? Will she take another one? And I went, I'll ask. And I go, anita, do you want a second fish? Anita says, yes. I was like, dana, she'll take it. She's gonna come pick it up at your house after she's done at mine. And then my sister responds and says that her and her boyfriend Mario called a pet store in K town and asked if they could surrender their fish.

[A]

And they said yes.

[B]

So we all collectively were like, can't do this. The funniest one was sang. So he went to Petco, where I think Rita bought it, or petsmart, and he was like, hey, will you. I'm not trying to get a refund, but could you just take it? They were like, no. Yeah. No. No. So then he went to Petco, went to the aisle, and just casually slips the container onto their shelf and walked out. That's reverse shoplifting.

[A]

He added inventory. What else are you supposed to.

[B]

Supposed to do?

[A]

He wanted it to live in a better home, but he just Couldn't give it one. Yeah.

[B]

We re homed our fish in less than 24 hours. And we said Rita. And then we were going, never, never. And new rule for the Aukerman family Christmas, no living things. I can't. I thought we only had to limit it. We had to limit it to a price. You know, it was like 20 and under, you know, and now we have to say 20 and under, no living.

[A]

That should be pretty clear.

[B]

But you would think, you would think. But now our group text is a picture saying, may put Rita's head on a betta fish. And that's what our image is. And she shall never live this down.

[A]

Listen, it truly is making memories. And oh, my Lord have mercy. I mean, you guys are all too kind. You know what I would have done with that betta fish?

[B]

What would you have done? Down. Oh, my God. Down the drain. Down the drain.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep. Suchin is doing the shrug emoji right now. So you can't hear it, but I'm definitely seeing it.

[A]

I'm not saying it, but I'm not denying it. You know how I feel about pets.

[B]

Well, yeah, and I'm such an animal person. So it really hit me in this, like, you know, it really had me in knots. I was in knots. And Scott was so. He was like, we're not keeping it. I've never wanted a fish. I've never, you know, like, I used to have it. It's horrible. You have to clean it. Like, he was so. And he's right. Like, I just want to say I knew that he was right from the get go. I just didn't want to, like.

[A]

Right. He needs to recalibrate first.

[B]

Before, like, she gave it to me walked away and Scott's like, tell her no, give it back. I'm like, I can't. I can't do that. Oh, man, I can't do that. You know?

[A]

And just to think, she really thought she nailed it this year. You know, she's like, going to the store. She's like, okay, you know what I want? I want eight betta fish. It's going to be so funny. We're all going to have these betta fishes and we'll just like laugh every year. It's going to be like the quilt in your dining room. An homage. We all. I was like, rita, did you get yourself a fish? She was like, no. I'm like, that's what I would have done. Never mind. She would have been driving home and looked in her rearview mirror and there would be eight betta fish in different containers in her back seat.

[B]

That's what we should have done.

[A]

Unbeknownst to her.

[B]

That's what we should have done.

[A]

That's what I would have done.

[B]

Oh, my God. It was so funny. It really, really was. So funny.

[A]

Yeah. So listen, gifts are love language. Yeah. But just like everything in life, there are boundaries.

[B]

There are boundaries.

[A]

Yeah. And if you don't know what to do and it's not your language. It's an envelope of cash.

[B]

Cash. It's cash.

[A]

It's all you gotta walk away with, kids. And that's the lesson for today.

[B]

That is it. For our first episode of 2026, we wanna know what are the worst gifts you've ever received? Name names. We did.

[A]

Oh, God. And just remember, this was all supposed to be behind some sort of bay wall. But yeah, things loose.

[B]

Things were supposed to. Loose era. Loose era.

[A]

Okay, leave it in the comments. Tell us how your year so far is going. Take inventory. We. We just love a good check in. We haven't done that in a while. Let's do it. Our IG again is at Attic Cart Pod. Please make sure to go to add to Cart World. Enter your email to get updates from us gorgeous aunties.

[B]

Bye bye.

[A]

Atikart is an auntie's unlimited production executive. Producers are Kulat Vlaisak and Sujin Pak. Tony Williams is our engineer. The music is by Wasabi and produced by La Made it and oh so familiar with additional music by APM Music. Be sure to check out all the items mentioned today on our Instagram at atticartpod. Follow at cart. Wherever you get your podcasts, tests.