578- Helping Tweens and Teens with ADHD Tackle Homework Independently

Summary

Podcast Summary: Helping Tweens and Teens with ADHD Tackle Homework Independently

ADHD Experts Podcast – Episode 578
Host: Annie Rogers (ADDitude)
Guest: Ann Dolan, M.Ed., Founder of Educational Connections
Date: October 7, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode presents practical, ADHD-friendly strategies for helping tweens and teens become more independent with their homework. Ann Dolan, an expert in executive functioning and educational support for neurodivergent learners, draws on 30 years of experience to guide parents and educators in supporting resistant, overwhelmed, or disorganized students—turning homework struggles into opportunities for skill building and greater self-confidence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Homework Struggle for ADHD Students

• Many students with ADHD struggle with homework not due to lack of motivation or character, but because of underdeveloped executive function skills.
• Executive function skills include organization, planning, prioritizing, starting tasks, focusing, and following through (02:50).
  • “The real truth is these kids do not lack character at all. Instead, they struggle with underdeveloped executive function skills.” – Ann Dolan [03:31]
• Parents often feel exhausted, concerned, and frustrated as repeated struggles create home tension.

2. Executive Functions and Their Importance

• These skills are rooted in the frontal lobe—affecting not just homework but lifelong learning, independence, and future career options.
• The good news: Executive function skills can be developed gradually with support and practice, not through quick fixes or standardized workbooks.

3. Building Homework Independence: Practical Strategies

a. Making the Homework Portal Work (07:40)

• Get on top of the school’s homework portal (Schoology, Canvas, Google Classroom, etc.).
• Establish a daily routine for checking all classes, assignments, and due dates side-by-side with the student, fostering independence over time.
• Develop a back-up system for assignments not posted digitally (e.g., taking photos of whiteboard tasks, using a portable notebook on a keychain).

b. From Chaos to Planning: The Two Essential Questions

• Shift students away from starting with random assignments.
• Teach students to answer:
  1. What do I have to do?
  2. When will I do it?
• “We basically want kids to be able to answer two questions for themselves. What do I have and when will I do it?” – Ann Dolan [11:10]
• Use calendars and time slots, factoring in sports and other commitments.

c. Incorporate Studying as ‘Homework’ (13:25)

• Many students overlook studying for quizzes/tests as actual homework.
• Explicitly schedule and plan study blocks, not just assignments with hard deadlines.

d. Addressing Resistance: The Stages of Change (14:10)

• Resistance is usually a mask for overwhelm, anxiety, or low self-confidence.
• Dolan shares the Stages of Change (Transtheoretical Model):
  • Pre-contemplation: Student doesn’t see a problem.
  • Contemplation: Admits the issue but is uncertain about changing.
  • Preparation: Open to trying new strategies.
  • Action: Actively making a change.
  • Maintenance: Sustaining the new behavior.
• “You cannot get your child to do anything… until they feel like you hear them, like you have a relationship.” – Ann Dolan [18:54]
• Build rapport before jumping to solutions.

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4. Effective Tools & Visual Strategies

a. ‘Rocks, Pebbles, Sand’ Visualization (21:09, 24:56)

• Rocks: Large, urgent assignments.
• Pebbles: Medium/should-do assignments.
• Sand: Fun distractions (TikTok, video games, etc.)
• Kids naturally gravitate toward ‘sand’ and small ‘pebbles’ for easy wins, leaving rocks for last—often unfinished.
  • Key: Start with rocks, then pebbles, then allow sand. Striving for balance, not deprivation.
• “What if you flip the process…you start with the rock, then you do your pebbles, and then you have time for your sand. And look, everything fits.” – Ann Dolan [24:56]

b. Environment & Focus Optimization (27:00)

• The student’s environment hugely impacts productivity.
• Tools: ADHD-friendly playlists, whiteboards for to-dos, minimizing phone distractions.
• Use a “Focus Finder” activity to help students identify their individualized best workspace conditions and anticipate distractions.

c. Making Skills Stick & Adaptable (35:00)

• Routine, practice, and adaptation keep checklists and strategies fresh.
• If a tool loses effectiveness, “sparklize” (revamp it visually, change its location or color, or adapt it to a specific class).

d. Metacognition and Study Strategies (38:00)

• Encourage students to reflect on what works for them (metacognition is the “superpower behind motivation”).
• Efficient study: Replace rereading with active recall (self-quizzing, using blank study guides).
• The Stoplight Highlighter Method: Green—know well; Yellow—shaky; Pink—don’t know. Focus study on yellow and pink.

e. Timer Techniques (41:00)

• Introduce brief, bounded work periods (Pomodoro Method: 25-minute work sprints), especially for reluctant starters.
• Allow small, immediate rewards after each work interval.

f. Scripts and Communication With Teens (42:00)

• Replace nagging with open, curiosity-driven questions:
  • Instead of “Why haven’t you started your homework?”, try “What would make it easier to get started today?”
  • Replace dire forecasts (“If you don’t get your grades up…”) with expressions of trust and support.

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5. Q&A Highlights with Practical Solutions

a. Letting Kids Fail? (44:51)

• “We don’t want to let kids fail because it doesn’t ultimately benefit them.”
• Instead, require attendance to support (coaches, specialists) but let them choose specific days/times.

b. Breaking Down Big Tasks Independently (47:09)

• Use power-up handouts as discussion starters (not as directives).
• Share personal experiences with “tricking the brain”—time (set a timer for a short work burst) or task (break off a tiny piece as a starting point).
  • “Your brain needs work and a reward, work and a reward…” – Ann Dolan [48:45]

c. Combating Time Management & Distractions (49:19)

• Use environmental cues: specific chair, sound, or time as the ‘start’ signal.
• Each homework routine should include a cue, a routine, and a reward.

d. Best Calendaring Systems? (51:36)

• Weekly is ideal—too short (daily) or too long (monthly) aren’t as effective.
• Options: Family fridge calendar, digital planner (Google Calendar), or a Sunday night session for forward planning.
• Encourage students to look at the calendar nightly for the next day’s plan.

e. Managing Transitions (54:58)

• Acknowledge overwhelm and soliciting student input works best.
• Teach the “5-4-3-2-1, Go” self-countdown as a cue to start.
• Cues like “after dinner, I do X” help anchor routines.

f. Body Doubling for Sustained Effort (57:44)

• Explains the value of an “accountability buddy” for focus (kids or adults).
• Tools like Focusmate pair peers virtually.
  • “That's basically what body doubling is. It's an amazing—it's an old idea, but it's really vogue now.” – Ann Dolan [58:13]

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Noteworthy Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Stigmas around laziness and lack of motivation are myths—our kids do care and want to succeed.” – Ann Dolan [03:31]
• “You cannot get your child to do anything… until they feel like you hear them, like you have a relationship.” – Ann Dolan [18:54]
• “Kids need to learn a skill and practice it, practice it in class, practice it with their coach… until it just kind of becomes part of their routine.” – Ann Dolan [35:13]
• “Your brain needs work and a reward, work and a reward. And, you know, interspersing rewards like that…can make a difference for kids.” – Ann Dolan [48:45]
• “In order to get through something hard, these are the three things that the brain needs: a cue, a routine, and a reward.” – Ann Dolan [50:20]
• “Weekly is about right…if you have a weekly calendar, that helps give kids a framework when they know what to expect.” – Ann Dolan [52:25]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:26 – Ann Dolan introduction and framing the homework struggle
• 07:40 – Making the homework portal a source of structure
• 11:10 – The “What do I have/When will I do it?” paradigm
• 14:10 – Stages of Change for resistant learners
• 21:09 – The “Rocks, Pebbles, Sand” time-management visual
• 27:00 – The role of environment in studying and focus
• 35:00 – Adapting tools and strategies (whiteboards, checklists)
• 38:00 – Metacognition, better study strategies, self-quizzing
• 41:00 – Using timers and small rewards
• 44:51 – Q&A: Should parents let kids fail?
• 47:09 – Q&A: How to help kids independently break down big tasks
• 49:19 – Q&A: Strategies for beating time-wasting/distractions
• 51:36 – Q&A: Best ways to calendar and plan the week
• 54:58 – Q&A: Overcoming after-school overwhelm and transitions
• 57:44 – Q&A: Sustaining effort and the body double technique

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Resources & Further Reading

• Download Ann Dolan’s “Stages of Change” eBook, Focus Finder, Homework Power-Ups, and Conversation Starters at: ectutoring.com/attitude2025
• Full episode slides & resources: additudemag.com/adhd-expert-webinars-index (search for episode 578)

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Tone Recap

Throughout the episode, Ann Dolan maintains a supportive, relatable, and practical tone, frequently validating parent concerns while focusing on actionable, collaborative solutions for students and families.

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Transcript

[Annie Rogers]

Foreign.

[Attitude Magazine Host]

Attention Deficit Disorder Expert Podcast series by Attitude Magazine.

[Annie Rogers]

Everyone, I'm Annie Rogers and on behalf of the Attitude Team, I am delighted to welcome you to today's ADHD Experts presentation titled From Resistance to Helping Tweens and Teens with ADHD Tackle Homework Independently. Leading today's presentation is Ann Dolan. Ann is a former special education teacher and author who founded educational connections in 1998. The company specializes in helping students, especially those with ADHD and other learning differences, build executive function skills and study habits to improve to perform better in school and ultimately in college. She and her team of more than 125 subject tutors, executive function coaches, college consultants, and test prep tutors provide virtual support to families with students from elementary school to college. Her first book, Homework Made simple, won The Publishers Association 2011 Parenting Book of the Year award. For more information, visit ectutoring.com so after a long school day, your teen avoids delays and chafes against homework. You hate nagging, but otherwise you fear nothing will get done. Daily bouts of procrastination, resistance and parental friction ensue, leaving your whole family feeling drained. But what if you could turn homework into an opportunity for your students to grow their independence? This webinar will share practical, ADHD friendly strategies to help your middle or high school student tackle homework with more confidence and less conflict this school year. Okay, without any further ado, I'm so pleased to welcome Ann Dolan. Ann, thank you so much for joining us today and for leading this webinar on the very pertinent and personal topic of homework independence strategies.

[Ann Dolan]

And thank you so much for having me. I'm really, really happy to be here. And to all the parents and caregivers out there, welcome. I wonder, have you ever thought, why does my child struggle so much when it comes to homework? Why is it that my perfectly capable and bright student really has difficulty in this one area? Well, you're not alone. So many parents feel like that, as Annie mentioned, and today we're going to talk about the reasons why that happens, what you can do at home to make life smoother, and certainly what I've learned over the last three decades of working with students just like yours. So here's the thing. When it comes to getting your homework done, kids tend to do things like procrastinate, have difficulty focusing, and sometimes they turn their work in and sometimes they don't. And from the outside, it looks like the student is lazy. Perhaps they're unmotivated, or maybe they even have a character flaw that's a Myth, those are stigmas. The real truth is these kids do not lack character at all. Instead, they struggle with underdeveloped executive function skills. So what are these executive function skills, particularly when it comes to school? Well, these are capabilities, brain capabilities right behind your forehead that have to do with really important things for school, like staying organized, knowing where you put that digital file or where your school supplies are, planning ahead whether it's due tomorrow or a week later, prioritizing tasks, knowing what you're going to do first or second, and making yourself do something that feels really hard or you don't want to do it, and then focusing well enough once you do get started to finish the assignment and then to turn it in. These are all executive function skills. So when we see kids struggling in these areas, I will tell you it is not for lack of caring. Underneath it all, kids feel stuck. Sometimes they feel overwhelmed and underprepared. They're unsure where to start or how to make themselves do something they don't really want to do, like homework. Now, on the other hand, at home, you're probably feeling really frustrated. You're worried, you're concerned about your child's future. If it's like this in seventh grade, what is it going to be like in high school? And at the end of the day, you are probably downright exhausted. Well, here's the good news. Executive function skills, they can be developed and they can be improved. This is so important for kids because when you're just a tad bit better at these things and school is just a little bit easier for you, it makes you feel so much better about yourself. And when you're feeling better internally, you're more likely to put forth more effort. And of course, it matters for the whole family unit. As parents and caregivers, we feel a lot better when our kids are doing well. Lastly, I'd argue that it also matters a lot for society. If you look at many of our top leaders, especially in tech these days, you'll see that these CEOs are neurodivergent and they have these unique perspectives that drive innovation and ultimately drive profit and performance in their companies. So our goal should be, let's buoy our kids, let's lift them up, let's support them and help them to improve their executive function skills, to make school and schoolwork a little bit easier. Because later on, once these kids graduate from high school, they can find their calling in life. They can find what they're naturally good at and move to that path forward, whether it's college, a job or a gap year. We want them to have lots of opportunities. So how do you do this? I mean it seems easy enough, but like how do you build executive function skills and how do you tweak them to make it a little bit easier for kids? Well, I will tell you, I've seen a lot of approaches out there. There really isn't a quick fix. There's no magic formula. There's not a software program or workbook that's going to miraculously totally turn things around. But what I have found to work well is applying strategies to improving these skills directly with the students. Schoolwork. It's almost like homework is a vehicle for teaching these skills. It takes it out of theory and into real life practical application for kids. And I found this to be true regardless whether the student is in public school or private school, whether they're in a big district with lots of technology and resources or a smaller one without those advantages, whether they live in Montana or Florida, it doesn't matter. These skills can be taught through their work. I'm going to share with you about that in just a second. Also, sometimes we think that kids with ADHD can only learn in person. And I will share. I don't believe that's true. We found fantastic success working with kids virtually. So now our services are virtual by design because we found that kids succeed just as well, if not better using the right software with the right engaging educator. So how does this work? Well, first of all, kids need to get on top of their homework portal. Their homework portal is really, really important and they need to a routine around it. So your homework portal is going to be different by school district but they all pretty much do the same thing. They are by names like Schoology or Canvas or maybe Google Classroom. And they house the students assignments, sometimes their grades and all the information about that class. So when we work with kids, we want to figure out with them, how are you doing? How are you feeling about each class? What do you have coming up now like what's due tomorrow and what is due later on. So together we have a co browsing feature with our software. We log in with the student and we take a look around with them. So for example, we might say hey, let's look at English, how are you feeling? What's going on? What do you have coming up and what are your grades like? And then we'll go on to the next class, say history or math. And from that we come up with a list of assignments for kids and they can do this on their own too. But this is generally how kids need to tackle the homework portal. So now they have a list of assignments for their classes. In a perfect world, every teacher in their school will post assignments by 4 o' clock every day. But you and I both know that that is not the reality. So kids need to have a backup plan for our students. We figure that out with them. If their school allows phones, many times they'll take a picture of the assignment if the teacher's posted on the whiteboard, if she's written it somewhere. For other kids, it's a small notebook, just a little composition notebook that they have on the outside pocket of their backpack so it's easily accessible. Some kids will put that little book on a keychain and hook it to their backpack so they can see it easily. So in those classes, they just jot down what they have to do. When kids are left to their own devices without somebody helping to guide them, and they come home from school and they're ready to start their homework, they often don't know how to go about it. And we think, well, you know, you're in middle school or you're in high school, you should kind of know this already. But I will be honest with you and say many kids still don't have this routine down. The idea is you do not want to start with any assignment, which is what kids naturally do. Okay, wait, what do I have for homework tonight? I think I've got. Yeah, I think I have that math. Let me start with that math. They're not quite sure, but they just start with something random instead. We don't want kids to start with just random assignment. We want them to start with a plan. We basically want kids to be able to answer two questions for themselves. What do I have and when will I do it? What do I have and when will I do it? So what do I have Is when they're going to their portal and they're listing their assignments and, and they're figuring out what isn't there and adding that to it. When will I do it? Is taking that information and populating it into their calendar that day. So for example, if the student has, say, soccer practice from 5 to 6:30, when can they slot in those the tasks that they have to do? This skill is called calendaring, and it's really, really helpful to kids. Otherwise they just know they have to do some stuff, but they do not have a plan of when they're going to do it.

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[Ann Dolan]

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[Ann Dolan]

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[Ann Dolan]

Other thing I'll mention is because of AI and its prevalence with students work these days, many teachers are saying, you know what this is going to be classwork or you're not going to have any homework and instead I'm going to give a bunch of quizzes and tests. So your job is study. Students often do not see studying as homework because it's not like something that they absolutely have to do. It's not like an essay that's due on Friday. It's just something they should be doing on their own. So when we're working with students and they have a quiz or test coming up, you better bet that that studying is also going to go on their calendar. Now I know what you might be thinking, wow, this sounds really good. But my child will never do it or she won't do this at all. She fights me tooth and nail. It is really common for kids with ADHD to push back because schoolwork and homework is difficult for them. And I will tell you, in 27 years of working with students at Educational Connections and prior to that, as Annie mentioned, I was a special ed teacher. I 100% get it. My team and I understand where these kids are coming from. Resistant kids are our specialty. Here's why. Because what people often see on the outside, pushback, avoidance, power struggles, all of those are really a mask for what's happening on the inside. Not understanding what to do, anxiety, low self Confidence so it's easier to save face, put on a mask and look like you don't care. Our goal is to break down those barriers and get to the real root of the issue to help kids with these skills. But here is the thing with resistant kids, change comes in stages. And there is this model called the stages of change. And it's based on the trans theoretical model of motivation, which says that anytime an individual wants to change a behavior or something, somebody else says to them, you really need to do better at this. You need to, you know, be better at cleaning your room, whatever it is. That person on the receiving end, they're going to be at one of these five stages. So let's take a look at them. On the left is a stage called pre contemplation. This is when the person doesn't want any help because they don't think they have a problem. How many of us are living with a kid like that? I mean, we can all relate to the kid that we see the issue, but they don't want our help and they're not open to anything. It's because they're in pre contemplation. So if that's been happening in your house, if you've been hammering away at something and your child is pushing back and you push further and they push back again, and before you know it, you're like, in this terrible battle, they're in pre contemplation and the best thing to do is, no, I'm a precon. This kid's a pre contemplation. Let me back off and try something else. Now let's look at the next stage, contemplation. This is when the person says, yeah, I can kind of see I might have an issue, but I don't know, maybe I'll do something, maybe I won't. It's not that big of a deal. Preparation means they know that there's a problem and they're starting to try things, some strategies to work it out. Action is when they're actively making a change. And then maintenance is when they have this new behavior and they're doing it over and over. And it's kind of like this new, healthier way of going about something. So we help kids move from left to right on the stages of change. Let's take a look. Oh, and before we go on, I want to mention I put together this. I think it's really awesome stages of changing ebook for you. And it describes what to do with resistant kids that are in that pre contemplation. Stage in specific scripts for talking to your kids that are feeling super, super stuck. And you can get it in a bunch of other resources I'm going to share with you today at ectutoring. So here's a. Let me share with you an assessment that we give kids and it can really help to understand how kids are thinking about this. When parents call our office looking for an executive function coach for their child, one of the things that they say, and this is fairly universal, it doesn't matter what kind of school the student is. And we work with kids across the country in 38 states and six foreign countries. And it's pretty common for parents to say, my child doesn't know what he has to do. He doesn't have a way of recording it. He's seemingly unaware of these due dates. He's surprised when a big test is coming up. Again, really common. We have this assessment that it's a two page stages of change assessment and it looks at specific executive function skills and probably more importantly, how the student feels about each skill. So let's take that one of recording assignments. We do this with the student in the first session, so we do it together. But this is what the student reads when it comes to recording daily assignments. Here are the four answers. I have my own way of remembering assignments and even though I might miss some due dates, I do not need a way of keeping track. I'm good. This student is in pre contemplation. I struggle with this and I can improve on my own if I need to, but I really don't have to. So they kind of see the issue. The students in contemplation. I struggle with this and I might be interested in learning new strategies, preparation, and then the last one. It's difficult for me and I would really love to learn some new strategies. I've tried some, but I need some more. That student is in the action phase. And so from here we see that the student is in pre contemplation. Even though the parent says this is the biggest issue, we need help with this. We're not going to go there right away. Because the goal for kids is to build trust, respect and rapport. You cannot get your child to do anything like no fancy strategy. No number one best tip is going to work until they feel like you hear them, like you have a relationship, you understand how they're feeling. And that is vital, especially to resistant kids.

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[Ann Dolan]

One on the assessment. This is the executive function skill of basically managing time. So the student reads my system for planning and managing homework and activities. Number one, I don't have a planning system and I do not need one at this time. Pre contemplation. My system can be improved, but I probably won't do it anyways. Contemplation and it goes on. So you get the hang of it. This is so interesting here. We think, well, a resistant kid is resistant with everything. Not true. Usually here the student says, you know what, this is kind of an issue a little bit because like, I can't make myself do stuff and I just procrastinate a lot and I have to feel like I'm totally like back against the wall, under the gun to do something. Like my adrenaline has to be flowing and it's really late at night and then I don't get everything done and I'm really stressed out and my mom's mad at me and you know, the whole thing. So they feel the tension in this skill. And this is where we begin because again, you have to find that side door opening. I like this approach a lot because it gives kids a seat at the table. It's not like, hey, Johnny, you should do this. It's like, tell me about how you're feeling about this and trying to uncover where the student is on the stages of change. So we talked about executive functions, the stages of change, how kids are feeling. Let's dig in into some specific strategies on helping kids with these skills to get some quick wins. So I mentioned time management, a big thing for kids. One of the strategies we use a lot with students and it's pretty individualized. So sometimes kids won't use this strategy, but I found it works for a lot of kids. It's called rocks, pebbles, sand. This is a visual. It's a visual to help kids understand when they're doing things throughout the day. So here's what I want you to imagine. This jar is your student's day. It's everything that they need to do after school. This rock, this rock represents really big tasks the student has to do. Like an assignment that's due tomorrow, it has to get done, or an assignment that's a big portion of their grade. And it's pretty important they need to get that done. That is a rock. A pebble is different. A pebble is a should do. You know, I should do that math homework, but it doesn't count for a grade. But if I did it, I'd probably understand it better, so I kind of should do it. Or maybe it's something due later on. And then the sand in the jar, it's all the things the student wants to do. They don't want to do homework. They want to scroll through TikTok, they want to play video games, they want to watch TV or they want to text their friends. It is natural for kids to want to spend all their time in San. In fact, when they come home from school and they're tired, their brain seeks out easy things. So here comes the sand. And often they're in the sand too long. And when they finally do get to their work, they often again don't have a plan. So they pick something out. And typically what they pick out is not a rock. It's something that is little that they can get done pretty quickly.

[Annie Rogers]

And.

[Ann Dolan]

And it might not be that important. So they'll start with a pebble, and then not until later in the evening will they do a rock. And the rocks are at the last minute, usually not great quality, and they typically don't get done. So look at this jar on the right. Sand, pebbles, rocks. Not everything fits in it. But what if you flip the process and we share with kids, you start with the rock again, this is a general visual, but it gives kids a sense of how this can change for them. You start with a rock, then you do your pebbles, and then you have time for your sand. And look, everything fits. The balance is preserved. And kids still get to have their sand. So it helps them to see the big picture and understand prioritization. So the key takeaway is sand is important to kids. Maybe limiting sand is a good idea, but trying to take it away, it never goes over well. Balance matters to students. So the core teaching is two essential questions. What do I have? And when will I do it? In what order will I do it? So with confidence, homework feels so much more doable for kids, and it doesn't feel so overwhelming. So these strategies here and there, they don't just make a difference for getting a good grade next week or on your quarter report card, but these are lifelong habits we want kids to take away with them. Here's another one. It's focus I was listening to. I'm not sure if You've ever listen to Peter Attia. He has this really great podcast and he's written a wonderful book on lifespan. And he had Charles Duhigg on his podcast. And Charles Duhigg is pretty famous because he wrote this book called the Power of Habit. But the Power habit came out 12 years ago. So Peter says to him, hey, knowing what you know now, what would you have changed in that book? Like, what would you put in now that you don't have in that original book? He said, there's so much more information coming out now. And studies about the power of the environment. And environment is everything. If you want to change a habit or you want to get something done, your environment is huge. Environment is huge for kids. It's something that we don't really appreciate, I think, sometimes. Or that we don't think, like, wow, this is a big deal. But it is. So here are some things that can help kids in their environment. Music. Music is fine. It can be motivating for a lot of kids. There are certain ADHD playlists that have music kids like, but not a lot of lyrics that they're trying to listen to when they're also studying. A quiet space, maybe some action, but not too much. A checklist. Having a whiteboard in your space. I'm a huge fan of whiteboards. I think they're super valuable. They're very cheap. And if a student has one in their location, it's so easy for anything that crops up in their head, they can just jot down on their whiteboard. It's like a running to do list. It's funny, I was over at my son's apartment. He's 27, and this was earlier this year, and he had a whiteboard in his kitchen with just the things he had to do. And I said, oh, I haven't seen you have a whiteboard. And he's like, yeah, remember when I had one in high school? I said, yeah, but, you know, sometimes you used it and sometimes you didn't. I haven't seen you when you. I haven't seen you use one lately. And he's like, oh, no, I remember that. This is so helpful. It helps me, you know, keep track of everything that I have to do. So sometimes we don't think that kids are listening or they're not internalizing these skills, but they are what could hijack phone notifications. In fact, there's so much research that having your phone right in your study area, even if it's upside down or even if it's an airplane mode Reduces your ability to focus and turn in assignments. That's huge. Put the phone on the other side of the room. Background TV can be distracting. Open chat tabs. A lot of times kids will have a rule for themselves. One open window or two, depending on what they're working on. We use a tool called the Focus Finder with students because we want them to get a sense of what works for them, and we want them to build their workspace that's based on how they've been successful already or what they know hijacks their focus. So here you can see the first one is total silence. Is that helpful for you or not? What is it about that that's going to define where you work? Other things like, do you need music or not? Do you need bright lights or not? What about your phone? Is that distracting or not? That should probably be on the other side of the room. So basically, we're working through this with the students. So they come up with a list of their focus, you know, their focus activities that can make a difference. And now they have a say in what their space looks like. By the way, kids can have a couple of different spaces, but they should have one dedicated space where they do most of their work. All right, so that's the Focus Finder, and you can find that at the same site I mentioned earlier, @ectutoring.com. so anytime we're introducing a new skill or a student learns a skill in school, like note taking, for example, it can't just be like the teacher, here's the Cornell notes, okay, everybody use them. And we expect the student to use them, you know, for a period of time. It doesn't work like that. Kids need to learn a skill and practice it, practice it in class, practice it with their coach, practice, practice until it just kind of like becomes part of their routine. But sometimes they'll learn a skill, and over time, it doesn't work anymore. For example, this happens a lot with checklists. I'm not sure if you've ever found this in your home. You have a checklist for your child to go to hockey practice, and after two weeks, you're like, this was a waste of time. This checklist doesn't work anymore. Now the checklist actually can work, but it needs to be a different one. It needs to be sparklized, made interesting, put on a pink piece of paper, moved around where it's placed right now. Kids need to be adaptable. We want them to be able to say, yeah, this works for me in history. But it doesn't Work for me in science. This note taking technique, let me adapt it for this class. We created a homework power up handout for you. And this is for kids specifically when they're stuck, what to do again. You can get this at the same place, but I love this for students and it's really, really helpful for them knowing, hey, I have some options when I'm stuck. So this is our student, Becca. Becca is awesome and she's working with her coach and they're working on a skill I mentioned called calendaring. So they're going through a portal and they're making a list of her assignments and her coach is saying, let's talk about this one. Is it a rock or is it a pebble? And based on that information, she's putting her tasks into her calendar. But what I also love about sessions is that yes, this works because now kids have a plan which they don't have on their own. But also when we look at the rocks for today, we want to ask the student, or we ask the student, tell me about the hardest rock for you. Because I bet this is the one they're going to procrastinate on. And it is. And so we'll say, okay, let's look at that rock together. What are some strategies for starting this one? Let's talk about it. And we'll work with the student to get that rock done or almost done. So in a session, it's not just that the student has these skills that they've applied to their schoolwork, but they're also getting some other work done. And that is a huge win for kids because they don't want to leave a session and think, now I have all this homework. They're getting a lot of their work done too. And that is a very motivating factor for students. So with Abeka and all of our other kids, we want them to understand this concept called metacognition. It really is the superpower behind motivation. Understanding yourself as a learner, knowing what strategies help you learn best. I mentioned earlier, kids often have tests and quizzes they have to study for. And it's very common for students to study inefficiently. For example, in a self reported assessment of students, they said that they use the rereading technique to study. 84% of the time. Rereading is when you take your notes or you take the study guide and you read it, you read it again and you read it some more. And that is super passive. It doesn't help you with retaining the information. But what does work Is when you actually have to quiz yourself. Here's how you do it. You take your notes and maybe you read the first part, the causes of the civil war, and you cover up your notes and you ask yourself that question and see if you can get it. Or you get the study guide. You make a couple of copies and you take the first one with blanks and you fill it in the best you can without looking at the answers. When you're super stuck, you look at the answers, then you do the next blank copy again the next night. So these help with retrieval. Highlighting. So many kids use highlighting as a study technique. It doesn't work. Kids get super highlighter happy. They highlight everything. But instead, here's one that does work. Get three highlighters. Actually, let me tell you. It's called the stoplight strategy. Stoplight, red, yellow, green. But you get three highlighters instead of red. Get bright pink, get yellow, and get green. We have kids take their notes or their study guide, and they go through and they highlight everything they already know in green. They highlight what they're kind of shaky on in yellow. And then the things they don't know, that's going to be the bright pink color. And now all they have to do is study the yellow and the red. I'm telling you, kids love the strategy because they think it cuts down on their time. And it does. That's a stoplight strategy. So we want kids to know these are strategies that can help me. Let me try this. Let me work through this. Let's try it in science. Let's try it in another class. Using a timer for short bursts, that's another powerful thing for kids. But ideally, kids knowing their strengths, knowing their weaknesses, and understanding how they do best. For example, we talked about prioritizing tasks. Some kids really hate homework so much that when given two options, should I start with the easy thing or the hard thing? They should be starting with the easy thing because they have such a hard time getting going. Just getting that quick win of getting that easy thing done is really awesome for these kids. However, some kids are like, I'm going to do the hard thing first. I just want to get it out of the way again. Knowing yourself at home, Here are some scripts that can make a difference for you in just the language you use. And again, these are to help your relationship with your child. Instead of telling them what to do or getting in this power struggle, you can ask powerful questions. Here's one that we often say. When our kids get home from school, do you have homework? Or if They've been in the sand for a while. Why haven't you started your homework yet? You have so much to do. Instead, you could say, what would make it easier to get started today? You're asking out of curiosity instead of, you need to go do your science homework right now. It is due tomorrow. You've known about it for a week. You might say, what subject do you feel like starting with today? That could have a big impact. I mean, if you got this one thing done, you could feel really good about yourself. How about this one? When you're already in power struggles? I am so sick of fighting with you over homework. Why can't you just get it done like your sister? If you feel like you're there, shift gears. You might say, let's shift gears. What's the first thing you might do? What's a small step to get started tonight? Now, in reality, your child isn't going to say, gee, mom, let's see. Well, I've got my biology and I really need to do my history and I probably should get started on my English. Kids aren't going to be that overly verbal. They're just not. But these types of questions fire up their executive functions. It gets them to start thinking, what's that one thing I could do to get started? Or what's that one thing that would make a difference? And then another one is out of frustration and concern about the future. If you don't get your grades up, you're never going to get into college. Who would accept you? Instead, it's giving kids the brain and saying, I trust you. I know this is hard, but I trust that you can get started on it. Let me know if you need help. I'll be over here. All these are ways that we can get kids buy in and get them started when something is hard. So what I've shared with you today as we wrap up really has to do with executive functions. It assumes that kids are struggling because they're kind of disorganized or having trouble managing time. They're feeling overwhelmed. But sometimes kids just don't understand the content. We see this a lot in subjects that are cumulative, where one skill builds upon another one. It happens most often in math, math based sciences like chemistry and physics, and foreign language like Spanish. When that happens, you probably know it because you've seen this pattern. You've seen your child struggle with math for a couple of years now. It's not going to go away in a new year, typically. So if you see your child in a moment at home One of the things you can prompt with is do you have class notes with this type of problem? Is there an example the teacher has shared with you? Ask could they go to a study group during could they see their teacher during study hall or stay after school and get one to one help from their teacher? Working with a subject tutor, ideally somebody who specializes with adhd one to one, which is what we do. Lots of people help kids in this capacity and for many kids that are so far behind, having their teacher teach it the same way that they don't understand may not always be helpful. So having another voice come in and reteach it often helps them to get out of that rut that they're in. And now AI can be really helpful for kids. ChatGPT has a new feature called Study Mode and instead of giving kids the answer, it prompts them with questions. They're solving a math problem, they're stuck. Tell me what you know about Pythagorean theorem already. Could that be used for the first step? And that can be super powerful and helpful to kids. So at the end of the day, we want to help kids move from the left to the right on the stages of change from resistance to responsibility. And it starts with understanding that kids with ADHD have lagging executive function issues, not character flaws. Their resistance is often code. It's like a mask for feeling overwhelmed and underprepared. And you can make change by having honest discussions with your kids and encouraging collaboration, giving your child buy in. Because now the support that we give kids when they're in middle and high school will make a tremendous impact on their lives in the future. To boost their executive function skills just a little bit gives them lots of options to follow their passion and do what they want to do once they graduate from high school. So the things that I mentioned, the Focus Finder, homework, Power Ups, Conversation starters, and the Stages of Change ebook can all be found in the same place. Ectutoring.com attitude2025 and if we can be of assistance to you, the women I work with are positively amazing. Kathy, Jennifer and Ann Stewart. We're a team. We're happy to talk to you about what your child is experiencing, share a bit about our programs, and see if we can support your family. You can scan the QR code for a call or just go to our website. So Annie, I would love to turn it over to you for Q and.

[Annie Rogers]

A. Ann, thank you so much. My notebook is full of ideas for scripts and tools and approaches, so we have many great questions Here actually wanted to start with kind of a more general question, and that is about whether we let our. Whether and how to let our kids fail if we need to. So someone wrote in to say, my child needs help working on their executive function. Is this my job or is it the kid's job? She. She has a specialist available to her, but whether it's due to stigma or another challenge, she's really refusing any help. So they asked, how can I motivate her and see her, help her see that she needs to master this for her future, for college and beyond. Do I just let her fail to help that message get through?

[Ann Dolan]

No. We don't want to let kids fail because it doesn't ultimately benefit them. Often when we say, you know, what often happens is as parents, we provide a lot of scaffolding and we don't want our kids to fall apart and fail and experience a lot of difficulty. And so we help them get their homework done. If they forget a project at home, we drive to school and drop it all for them. But often when we're just, we've had enough and we feel like we've supported them and now we just say, I'm backing away totally. What happens is that they don't just pick themselves up and learn from their mistakes. Say, you know what, you're right, I really should work harder on this. I haven't found that to be true. What I would do in this case is because she does have somebody she can work with. I wouldn't give her the option. I wouldn't say, well, you don't have to go to her. What I would say is, you're going to go with her. You can pick the day, give choice. You can pick the day, you can pick the time, whatever choice you can offer, but you need to go for at least three sessions or whatever you decide on. Often kids don't see. See the value in working with somebody else because they haven't experienced it yet. And I bet she gets a quick win. I bet she works with this person, sees that it's helpful, and she's much more willing to go back. So I wouldn't leave it to her to decide whether she works with this person or not, but maybe the other things and just get her there and that may help her on that path of quick wins.

[Annie Rogers]

Okay, very helpful. Thank you. And our number one challenge today, as I said, was procrastination. And you had suggested that, please correct me if I'm wrong, that those big rocks are often the source of procrastination. And that part of the battle is breaking them up. A lot of our kids don't want us to help them break them up. And if you don't have a coach to work with and you know that your kid is going to resist your help, specifically, can you offer some ideas, alternative ideas of how we can.

[Ann Dolan]

How.

[Annie Rogers]

How we can get our kids to. To begin breaking up their own rocks?

[Ann Dolan]

All right, so the homework power ups that I mentioned, I print that out and talk to your child about it and say, hey, I got this from a webinar. I don't know if it's helpful to you. It might be or it might not be. What do you think? Because if you just say you need to do this, it's not going to go over well. But by saying this could work, maybe not. Usually the students like, oh, well, what is it? But we teach kids, and you can say to your child, the brain is so funny. It doesn't like to do hard things. Have you ever noticed that? I found when I trick my brain and I make my brain think that the task isn't that hard after all, my brain is willing to do it. So you're not saying you should do it. You're just kind of giving information on what is work for you, and you're talking about your brain as a person. I know this sounds weird, but kids are much more open to experience shares. And so when we work with kids, we say your brain can be tricked two ways. By time or by task. Get a timer. Could be. You can have one on your phone, but I'd rather have a physical timer. And you set it for a very short period of time, 10 minutes, and you say, I'm going to X. Out of all my open screens, all my distractions, all I'm going to do is work for 10 minutes. There's also something you can look up called the Pomodoro technique, which is my favorite, especially for older kids. It's how to use a timer for 25 minutes, which is the sweet spot for motivation. Set it for 25 minutes. So that's time. But task, task might be. This is a rock. I don't want to write this essay. All I'm going to do is write the thesis statement, and then I'm going to take a break. Your brain needs work and a reward. Work and a reward. And, you know, interspersing rewards like that. And the word can be, I'm going to check my text messages or I'm going to get a snack. That can make a difference for kids.

[Annie Rogers]

Okay, excellent. And then of course those are, those are the big rocks, the medium sized rocks. Well, let's just call them like our daily homework and that next challenge, which is time management. Who so many challenges here. Whether it's estimating realistically how long things will take to resisting the, the temptation to just check, you know, Snapchat for five minutes. Do you have suggestions for how to motivate someone, your child to stay on task and according to their, their plan, if you can get them to put one in place without nagging and hovering.

[Ann Dolan]

If you can make the environment right for motivation or really encourage your child to have a place. As I mentioned, with that focus finder, again, environment can make a big difference. There's three things you need to be working successfully or to finish a task. You need a cue. Okay, when I sit in my white fluffy chair, I have a routine and my routine is that I'm going to list out my assignments or my routine is I open my math book and I start the first question and then what is that reward? There's tons of research that tells us in order to get through something hard, these are the three things that the brain needs. Talking to kids about the cue, the routine and the reward that can have a big impact. And so making sure that they have a space where they have the cue, you can ask what would be your cue? Do you have a way of going about this? How do you think about this and what's a good reward? Have you found a reward that you like for some kids, honestly, it doesn't have to be like I'm going to make myself a smoothie. For some kids, it's like they're so tense about things. Just checking that off of their to do list can be something really positive. And so it's really those things that can help kids get stuff done.

[Annie Rogers]

Okay, I love it. Cue, routine and reward. Let's see. So we. Oh, this is a common question. Have you found there to be any best strategy for that, as you said, like that visual representation of your, your calendar of to dos. Some folks are asking, is there a certain planner you would recommend? Should we get a giant wall calendar? Any anything that you have seen work particularly well for kids with adhd to help them see more globally that you know, that list of to dos including homework as well as sports practices and.

[Ann Dolan]

Other.

[Annie Rogers]

Other things they need to take care of.

[Ann Dolan]

It depends on, you know, your abilities too as a parent. For some parents they're pretty organized and they can have a weekly calendar. And what I found to be helpful, like if you want to put a family calendar in your refrigerator. A day is too short, a month is too long, but a week is about right. And so if you have a weekly calendar, like, you know, Sarah and Jimmy are going here, Johnny's going here, there's sports and all their activities after school, anything else that they're doing that helps give kids a framework when they know what to expect and they know what they're doing that day and the next day, that's super helpful. So certainly if you can do that, great. For other kids, sometimes they'll use an app on their phone to keep track, like my homework. Other times they're using Google Calendar. And that's where most kids these days go. They have a calendar where they're putting their activities, their assignments. And if your child doesn't do that, you can plan. I call this a Sunday session. On Sunday night, you put aside like 20 minutes and you just have a discussion with your kids and say, let's look at the week ahead, let's see what's going on. Do you have any big assignments, tasks, what do you have coming up? And those things can go onto their calendar. But it's also a time to discuss the week ahead. I personally like this strategy I found for kids. If they can get in the routine of Sunday night planning for the week and before they go to bed, looking at their calendar for the next day, those little things make a big difference with managing time because they know what to expect.

[Annie Rogers]

Okay, thank you. And a common theme today also that dovetails with our survey is through after school overwhelm. So someone wrote in to say their 15 year old, you know, has two and a half hours of band practice every day after school. They get home, they need a mental break. So they have some dinner and maybe, you know, spend a little time scrolling. And then it's really hard for them to transition back into the mindset of work. So you want your kid to have that reset opportunity. But we know transitions are so difficult. Is there any strategy that you have found to yield the best outcome? Is it a matter of determining that cue and that environment?

[Ann Dolan]

You could ask your child what would make getting started feel easier? What do you think? And getting their input because oftentimes they can say, I'm better when I'm not playing Xbox right before I start my homework, because it's hard for me to get off of that. We've taught kids to do this internal countdown for themselves and it's like this transition countdown. Instead of, oh, in five minutes I'm going to Start my homework, which sounds good, but it's kind of like hard to do in theory. It's hard to practically do. We have kids say to themselves, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go. And that for some reason fires them up and gets them going on to the next thing. But it's kind of like a cue. You know, I do this, then I open my laptop and I work for 15 minutes and then I have my reward. So even that type of thing, a countdown, can be a cue to get going.

[Annie Rogers]

Okay, excellent. Someone is asking if you would recommend watching this webinar with their 13 year old.

[Ann Dolan]

I think so. I mean, you can say I've heard these strategies. I don't know. I'd love to know what you think about them. Could some work for you? I've had kids on. We do webinars all the time for the public. And I've had lots of kids over the years. And parents will say, my son found two ideas, you know, and that's huge. Like, if they're willing to open the door to two new ideas, it's helpful. But honestly, it just like starts the dialogue. And that's a great thing. Just having an open discussion with your child about these issues and get a sense of how they're feeling. There's a lot of times what I found is that kids on the outside act like they've got it all together, they don't care, it's okay. But on the inside, they're really nervous about things. And often this is the trigger to start opening those conversations and talking about how things are really going.

[Annie Rogers]

Excellent. I will include one more question, and that is regarding kind of sustaining effort and the experience that many of us have had with kids, for whatever reason, they run across challenges, they just get tired. And encouraging that kind of persistence toward a goal. We've heard some people say that having like body doubles is helpful in, in. In that challenge specifically. Do you have any other ideas for sustaining effort?

[Ann Dolan]

I love the idea of body doubles. In fact, I have a friend who has a business just around body doubles. And it's for adults. It's for adults that need to get work done. And so they meet at certain times and they come with their tasks. And it's a quiet place. It's supportive for them to get their work done. But there's a program called Focus Mate and anybody can use it. And it's really great because you're paired with somebody else who also needs to get something done. And it's just like accountability for you and for the other person. I have experienced this in my own life. I used to do a lot of testing of kids for what is their reading level, their math level, and I loved working with the kids, but writing the reports was really hard for me. So I would say to my colleague Aaron Erin, can you come and sit in my office for the next 45 minutes? And all you have to do is sit there and I'm going to work on my reports and I just need to, you know, for you to be there and for that just kind of gives me this accountability to get it done. And that's basically what body doubling is. It's an amazing it's an old idea, but it's really vogue now, and it's one that I think kids should try out if they haven't.

[Annie Rogers]

Wonderful. Well, and thank you so much for leading today's webinar. I am going to take with me many concepts, among them the Pomodoro Method, the idea of the cue routine, and reward, the weekly as opposed to just the daily or monthly calendar. And I love the Body Double Method. I'm going to think some more about that. So thank you for lending all of these tips and strategies to our audience today. Thank you Annie, and thanks to everyone who joined us. If you would like to access today's event resources, you can visit attitudemag.com and just search for podcast578. The slides and recording will be posted a few hours after our live event. And if you're listening in replay mode, you can just click on the episode descri Description Our full, full library of Attitude webinars is available as a podcast. It's called the ADHD Experts Podcast and it's available on most streaming platforms. And we hope that you will keep up to date on all of our upcoming webinars by signing up for our [e-mail] newsletters. Thanks everyone.

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For more Attitude Mag podcast and information on living well with attention deficit, visit attitudemag.com that's a D D I T U D e m a g.com.

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