ADHD Experts Podcast: Episode 579

"The ADHD Guide to Managing Stress and Emotions at Work"

Host: ADDitude (Carol Fleck, moderator)
Guest: Diane Wingert (former psychotherapist and ADHD coach; host of the ADHD-Ish podcast)
Date: October 14, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode is a recorded ADDitude webinar, featuring ADHD coach Diane Wingert, focused on helping ADHD adults (and allies) manage stress and emotional regulation at work. The session digs into why emotion management at work is such a struggle for neurodivergent professionals, the neuroscience behind it, and provides a practical, step-by-step framework for managing emotional triggers, with actionable advice for real workplace situations. The episode closes with audience Q&A, addressing common workplace challenges for individuals with ADHD.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Unique Emotional Experience of ADHD at Work

• Emotions in ADHD are more intense:
  "Our brains, compared to neurotypical brains, experience emotions with 30% more intensity. And you might be thinking, mine's like 90% more." (Diane Wingert, [03:15])
• Work demands emotional control, but typical environments are dysregulating:
  Meetings, interruptions, criticism, and deadlines amplify ADHD-related challenges.

2. Professional and Personal Impacts of Emotional Dysregulation

• Emotional outbursts have consequences beyond the moment—career trajectory, relationships, reputation, and self-esteem can all suffer.

• Shame spirals, avoidance, increased “masking,” and missed opportunities are common repercussions.

  “Most of us will experience shame spirals that can last for hours, days, or even weeks… Our imposter syndrome and self-doubt gets ramped up professionally.” (Diane Wingert, [04:10])

3. Neuroscience: Why Regulation Is So Hard

• The “amygdala hijack” hits faster and harder in ADHD brains. Executive functioning (the part that calms and “thinks ahead”) goes offline quickly under stress.

• Classic advice like “just calm down” is ineffective once you’re triggered.

  “Once we're already activated, we don't have access to the regions of the brain that create calm.” (Diane Wingert, [05:12])

4. The SPACE Framework for Emotional Regulation

Diane’s core strategy is the SPACE acronym—each letter is a stage in managing emotions at work:

• S: Spot your patterns
  Notice triggers, both external and internal; recognize bodily cues (tense muscles, shallow breath, heart rate changes, change in voice, etc.).

  “Your body knows when you’re headed for trouble before your brain does.” ([09:23])

• P: Pause the escalation
  When you catch yourself being triggered, buy time with professional stalling tactics (e.g., ask for time to review or to write down thoughts).

  “Buying time allows you to maintain some composure and control rather than being escalated." ([11:11])

• A: Act in the moment
  Employ concrete techniques: take notes to buy a moment, use stretch breaks, keep your feet flat for grounding, or utilize a “sip-and-think” pause with a water bottle.
• C: Clear the air
  If an incident happens, address it quickly but simply—acknowledge (“I didn’t handle that as well as I would have liked”), avoid over-apologizing, and focus on next steps.
• E: Evolve your system
  Build prevention and recovery routines: morning check-ins, “transition rituals” between tasks, modify your environment if needed, and develop individualized toolkits.

5. Anticipating Triggers and Planning for High-Stakes Situations

• Common triggers: performance reviews, being criticized (especially by a superior), ambiguity, time pressure, sensory overload, and technology breakdowns.
• Identify and rehearse for trouble scenarios—practice with safe people in advance where possible.

6. Techniques for In-the-Moment Regulation

• Micro-hacks during meetings:

  • Notepad and pen (tactile regulation & “buying time”)
  • Taking sips of water (physiological reset)
  • Grounding exercises (stretching, posture changes, keeping feet flat)
  • Box breathing, counting backwards, sensory reorientation

• Verbal scripts:

  • “Let me review this and get back to you at [specific time].”
  • “That’s a great question. Let me think on that for a moment.”
  • “Can we table this until I can give it proper consideration?”

• Dealing with tears, anger, shutdown:

  • Normalize: “I’m getting emotional because this is important.”
  • Breathe through nose to slow tears
  • Uncross arms and slow speech to manage anger
  • Maintain (even intermittent) eye contact for shutdown/freeze

7. Navigating Recovery and Repair Post-Incident

• Break the avoidance cycle—re-engage rather than withdrawing.

• Address incidents with one clear acknowledgement and move forward; don’t over-explain or over-apologize.

• Focus on visible change for rebuilding trust (“Let your changed behavior speak for you”).

  “People do forget because everyone really wants to move past this, not just you.” ([32:42])

• Accommodations and Advocacy:

  • Seek private feedback, more processing time, advanced agendas, “protected time” for focused work, physical/environmental supports (standing desk, noise-cancelling headphones).
  • Accommodations are not special treatment, but ways to remove barriers so skills can shine.
  • Disclosure: carefully consider timing and context; focus on needs/solutions rather than the label.

  “I want to be successful here and these are the things that work best for me.” ([37:22])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Losing our cool in the moment at work goes beyond that specific incident. There's professional consequences, and it takes a personal toll."
  — Diane Wingert ([03:49])

• "The job is not to stop the storm, it's to take shelter until it passes."
  — Diane Wingert on the “90-second rule” of emotional surges ([15:54])

• "Your body is your early warning system. It knows you're headed for trouble before your brain does."
  — Diane Wingert ([12:31])

• "Preparation isn’t a weakness. If you need to go spend time in the meeting room before the meeting in order to prepare, that's not a weakness. It’s strategic planning."
  — Diane Wingert ([22:30])

• "Even if you break out in tears, shut down, or get angry at work on a regular basis, you are still amazing."
  — Diane Wingert, closing encouragement ([38:58])

Key Timestamps for Reference

• [03:15] — ADHDers feel emotions more intensely at work
• [05:12] — The neuroscience: emotional and executive functions are linked
• [07:16] — Introduction of the SPACE method
• [09:20] — How to recognize early warning signs in your body
• [11:04] — Buying time: stall and redirect scripts
• [15:54] — The “90-second rule” for emotional flooding
• [21:20] — Covert self-regulation strategies during meetings
• [26:40] — Handling tears, anger, or shutdown in the moment
• [32:30] — Clearing the air: Acknowledgment vs. over-apologizing
• [36:11] — Workplace accommodations: requests and rationale
• [38:58] — Encouragement to remember your value

Audience Q&A Highlights

Q: What if you feel like your coworkers don't like you?

• Sometimes it’s true; sometimes it's perception. Don't waste time trying to win over people who aren't your people. Initiate low-risk social interactions, but don’t withdraw and create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  "Sometimes that's what we do. We have a sense that someone doesn't like us and we think that we need to make them like us. It can be a colossal waste of time." ([41:56])

Q: Boss talks in a disrespectful manner—how to respond?

• Try curiosity: "I'm not sure what you mean by that.”
  Avoid confrontational language; consider if it’s personal, cultural, or a leadership issue. If it persists, HR may need to be involved. ([44:35])

Q: Struggling with anxiety/guilt when behind at work and feeling paralyzed?

• Identify if the issue is personal time management or unclear expectations. Request clarification on priorities from your supervisor. Use reminders and self-compassion.

Q: Moving past workplace shame after failures?

• Emphasize radical self-acceptance. Use affirmations (suggests the Think Up app).

  “We actually get to decide whether we can like, love, accept and approve of ourselves regardless of the mistakes we make.” ([51:00])

Q: Should I disclose ADHD to my manager/colleagues?

• Not necessarily. Instead, ask for what you need in response to your self-awareness, without necessarily naming ADHD unless in a formal context or when seeking official accommodations.

Q: How to handle a micromanaging boss?

• Assess if micromanagement is consistent for all or just you, and why. Offer proactive updates if ADHD symptoms may be contributing.

  “Sometimes what we call micromanaging is somebody trying to work with our ADHD tendencies.” ([55:46])

Q: What about bullying?

• Report to HR if it’s systemic or ongoing. Workplace culture matters; sometimes it’s unfixable.

Practical Takeaways

• Emotional regulation at work is a skill—practice observing your patterns, planning for triggers, and building a toolkit.
• Don’t over-apologize; address incidents with clarity and a focus on next steps.
• Ask for what you need (processing time, clear agendas, quiet spaces)—this is not asking for special privileges.
• Start with self-compassion and proactive planning; shame and avoidance make challenges worse, not better.

Further Resources

• Slides and resources: additudemag.com/adhd-expert-webinars-index (search for episode 579)
• Connect with Diane Wingert: ADHD-Ish podcast, website
• Affirmations app: Think Up

"Preparation isn't a weakness... it's strategic planning. Neurotypical people do this, too."
— Diane Wingert ([22:30])