EP. 322: Loud, Intuitive & Learning to Regulate with Chelsea Kunz

Summary

Episode Summary: ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka

EP. 322: Loud, Intuitive & Learning to Regulate with Chelsea Kunz

Release Date: March 5, 2025
Host: Tracy Otsuka
Guest: Chelsea Kunz (aka Karen Disapproves)

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Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, Tracy Otsuka is joined by actor, comedy creator, and “hot mess mom” influencer Chelsea Kunz—better known online as Karen Disapproves. Together, they dive into Chelsea’s colorful journey with ADHD, touching on her chaotic childhood as the youngest of ten, her evolution from class clown to intuitive creative, and her ongoing quest for nervous system regulation. Chelsea’s story challenges stereotypes about ADHD women and highlights the importance of self-acceptance, humor, and finding alignment with one’s purpose.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Getting to Know Chelsea Kunz

• Chelsea’s Background: Actor, comedy influencer (“hot mess mom”), self-development and spirituality junkie, host of the “Soul Slumber Party” podcast.
• Family Life: Grew up as the youngest of ten siblings in Utah, now a mother of three.
• Humor as Healing: Comedy and creativity as core elements of her ADHD experience.

The Diagnosis Journey

• Childhood Clues

  • Early signs: restlessness, constant fidgeting, drawing on desks, getting bored easily in class ([04:47]).
  • Classic family story: “By the end of the movie, the lights come up. I had a masterpiece. The whole desk was just like this masterpiece. It was colorful, cool shapes, beautiful. … My teacher saw it and was pissed.” — Chelsea ([05:09])

• Realization in Adulthood

  • Always joked about being “so ADHD,” but others took it seriously before she did.
  • Diagnosis officially came in her 30s, triggered by postpartum irritability and overwhelm—not academic struggles.

• Motherhood and ADHD

  • Having kids amplified the challenges: “My brain became very chaotic because my environment became very chaotic. … I became extremely dysregulated.” — Chelsea ([08:58])
  • Irritability and emotional regulation issues led her to pursue an official diagnosis.

• Nervous System Regulation

  • Discovery that managing her ADHD is about regulating her nervous system, not just organization or medication: “Nervous system’s been huge for me ... that was like, once again, it’s like the bell goes off when you hear something. You’re like, oh, holy crap. Like, that’s the thing I need to be focusing on.” — Chelsea ([23:57])

Education, Intelligence, and Self-Perception

• School Years

  • Struggled with “textbook work,” thrived in hands-on, creative settings.
  • “Test taking in college … I would be the last one, like, done with the test. … My brain would drift off somewhere.” — Chelsea ([15:03])
  • Supportive mother reinforced her strengths in the arts, which helped buffer negative self-perceptions.

• Feeling Different

  • Chaotic, unconventional upbringing made Chelsea feel different from peers, but there was little judgment at home: “We were already the chaotic family. … We didn’t care. We had a blast growing up.” — Chelsea ([16:50])

Family Dynamics

• Big Family Culture
  • Ten siblings created an environment of constant competition, affection, and chaos. “I really looked to my siblings for direction a lot. I always had built-in best friends.” — Chelsea ([19:56])
  • Large, close-knit family still gathers regularly, though Chelsea now prefers smaller groups to support her nervous system.

Creativity, Identity & Social Media

• Birth of Karen Disapproves

  • Comedy sketches and raw honesty about motherhood provided creative outlet and community.
  • “There was a little bit of an identity crisis, like, oh my god, now I’m at home all the time ... I needed an outlet for myself. I needed a creative outlet.” — Chelsea ([30:24])
  • Advice to new moms: Keep a personal creative or professional project alive to maintain identity.

• Navigating Creative Impulses

  • ADHD creates a flood of ideas; learning to channel them is key.
  • “When we don’t have a system, we can get totally paralyzed because there’s just so many ideas.” — Tracy ([37:07])
  • Chelsea filters ideas by intuitive “bells”: “Does it keep coming back? Is it tied to purpose?” ([41:28])

• Boundaries with Social Media

  • Recognizes phones as a major source of dysregulation: “If I get sucked into social media and, like, the constant scrolling, that immediately leads to me being more irritable and more, like, agitated with people…” — Chelsea ([46:09])
  • Practical solution: No social media before noon; strict boundaries on phone use.

Intuition, Self-Trust, and Evolving Purpose

• Intuitive Decision-Making
  • “When I’m in a place of regulation, it might not make sense to anybody else, but I’m still able to … make bold moves.” — Chelsea ([38:53])
  • Ideas that persist (“harass” her until she acts) are the ones worth pursuing.
• Self-Doubt and Recovery
  • Struggles with follow-through have, at times, eroded her self-confidence.
  • “You can start losing trust and belief in yourself because you can go, man, I tried that idea and it didn’t work.” — Chelsea ([44:19])
  • Regaining confidence comes from manageable steps, nervous system health, and self-compassion.

Favorite ADHD Workarounds

• Top Strategies
  • Avoiding early day phone/social media use ([46:09])
  • Exercise for dopamine and creative flow ([47:14])
  • Morning routines for structure
  • Positive self-talk: “The number one thing I think people with ADHD need to realize is how powerful their thoughts are … If you can set yourself up to just have more positive thoughts, you’ll have a lot more control” — Chelsea ([47:46])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you don’t know who you are, if you don’t know what you value, if you don’t know your passions and the neighborhood that your purpose lives in, well, who cares if you’re on the highest tree if you’re in the wrong forest, right?”
  — Tracy ([03:38])

• “I was just used to raw-dogging life, you know … I was just used to, you know, setting goals and being like, oh God, okay, I’m just gonna do … I’m wake up and do this every morning.”
  — Chelsea ([08:34])

• “Now I can go back and look through my history and go, oh, you just were not aware of this and you didn’t know how to handle this. And I think that alone has given me more confidence to take on things that I know that I can handle and … tie it back to purpose.”
  — Chelsea ([22:19])

• “Creative brains are idea factories … But when we don’t have a system, we can get totally paralyzed because there’s just so many ideas.”
  — Tracy ([37:07])

• “Regulating my nervous system so I can even hear, like, what my intuition is telling me, because … when I’m in constant chaos or dysregulated, I’m not making decisions that are really aligned with myself.”
  — Chelsea ([37:37])

• “I have a rule right now where I don’t get on before noon, and that is incredibly helpful to me.”
  — Chelsea ([46:11])

• “The number one thing I think people with ADHD need to realize is how powerful their thoughts are, because we can have powerful thoughts and they can go negative or they can go positive.”
  — Chelsea ([47:47])

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• ADHD Diagnosis Story: [04:36]–[10:09]
• Childhood & School Challenges: [11:11]–[16:46]
• Feeling Different & Emotional Regulation: [16:46]–[19:14]
• Growing Up in a Big Family: [19:14]–[21:53]
• Post-diagnosis Changes: [21:53]–[24:06]
• Creativity, Motherhood & Social Media: [28:21]–[37:07]
• Organizing Creative Ideas & Intuition: [37:07]–[44:41]
• Favorite Workarounds & Daily Habits: [46:09]–[48:04]
• Where to Find Chelsea: [48:04]–[48:38]

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Where to Find Chelsea Kunz

• Instagram/TikTok: @karen.disapproves
• Podcast: Soul Slumber Party
• Other Socials: Soul Slumber Party on all major platforms

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Tone & Style

Upbeat, honest, and funny. Both Tracy and Chelsea embrace vulnerability, celebrate ADHD as a source of creativity, and challenge listeners to find self-acceptance, resilience, and personal alignment.

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Final Takeaway

Chelsea’s story is an empowering testament to embracing one's unique neurodivergent wiring, using humor and intuition as compasses, and prioritizing nervous system health for genuine well-being. Her journey is ultimately about giving oneself grace—and, as she and Tracy remind us, focusing on building a life (and career) that feeds your soul and purpose.

Transcript

[A]

Richard Branson, Michael Phelps, Justin Timberlake, James Carville. Wait a minute. Where are the women? Greta Gerwig, Lisa Ling, Audra McDonald, Simone files. That sounds like a list of highly successful titans in a variety of industries. They all have adhd, but you don't hear hear much about that now, do you? You know what else you don't hear about are the 43% of people with ADHD who are in excellent mental health. Why aren't we talking about them and what they're doing right? I'm your host, Tracy Adsuka, and that's exactly what we do here. I'm a lawyer, not a doctor, a lifelong student, and now the author of my new book, ADHD for Smartass Women. I'm also a certified ADHD coach and the creator of youf ADHD Brain is okay. A patented system that helps ADHD women just like you get unstuck and fall in love with their brilliant brains. Here we embrace our too muchness and we focus on our strengths. My guests and I credit our ADHD for some of our greatest gifts. And to those who still think they're too much, too impulsive, too scattered, too disorganized, I say no one ever made a difference by being too little. I've been creating this podcast for five years with no sponsors, just a mission to help ADHD women like you thrive. But if you're ready for more, listen up. Your ADHD brain is not broken. It just needs the right tools. I'll show you how to work with your brain, not against it. Inside my your ADHD brain is a. OK academy. More information. Find the link in the first line of this episode's description. Now let's get on with the show. Hello, I am your host, Tracy Otsuka. Thank you so much for joining me here for another episode of ADHD for Smartass Women. You know that my purpose is always to show you who you are and then inspire you to be it. In the thousands of ADHD women that I've had the privilege of meeting, I've never met a one that wasn't truly brilliant at something. Not one. So of course, I'm just delighted to introduce you to Chelsea koons. Chelsea Koons, aka Karen, disapproves on Instagram and TikTok, is an actor, creator, and hot mess mom, comedy influencer. Her words, not mine, turned self development and spirituality junkie. She'd list more ADHD credentials, but honestly, that list, I think is proof enough. Now she's the host of Soul Slumber Party, a podcast where she dives into all things soul, creativity and personal growth. Basically, it's her self development journey with a mic. She's interviewed everyone from mediums to psychologists, artists to neurologist, and yes, even yours truly. Lately, she's hyper fixated on how intuition works and how to find your purpose. Well, Chelsea, you need to take my. Your ADHD brain is a OK program because that's. That's all I do.

[B]

Yes, I read your book.

[A]

It's the foundation for everything. If you don't know who you are, if you don't know what you value, if you don't know your passions and the neighborhood that your purpose lives in, well, who cares if you're on the highest tree if you're in the wrong forest, right?

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Chelsea blames her loud and chaotic ADHD energy on being the youngest of 10 kids. Yes, that's right, 10. She lives in Utah with her husband, three kids, ages 4 to 8, and a dog named Poppy. Is he the only or she the only one that listens when you talk?

[B]

Yeah, she's right here too, listening. So, yeah, she's going to be on her best behavior today. Aw.

[A]

Well, mine's here too. I don't know where he is, but he's somewhere anyway. Chelsea, welcome. Did I get all of that right?

[B]

Yes, you did. I'm so impressed. I'm so happy to be here too. And it's really fun being on this side of the conversation. So I'm going to try my best to be a good guest today.

[A]

Oh, I don't want you to be a good guest. I want you to be funny and chaotic.

[B]

Okay, I'll just be my normal self then.

[A]

Okay, so I want to talk about your ADHD diagnosis first. That's where we always start. Just so our, you know, our listeners can connect. Tell me your story. How did you get diagnosed?

[B]

I would always joke, and I'm sure a lot of people have this story, like, I am so adhd. Oh, look, a squirrel. Ha ha ha. Or people would joke that way. And growing up, like, I remember there was these little things that I would do. I mean, I did a lot of things. Okay, a lot of things. But I remember in second grade they put on a movie for us and it was so boring. And they also took away all of our paper. But I had a set of crayons and I started drawing on the table. And by the end of the movie, the lights come up. I had a masterpiece. The whole desk was just like this masterpiece. It was colorful, cool shapes, beautiful. I was actually, like, proud of Myself. My teacher saw it and was pissed. She got so mad at me. I remember it, like, shook me because, of course I'm bored. I'm in a dark room watching a boring video. I have nothing to play with in my hands. And I created a masterpiece. Hello. And so she made me stay after school. It's a core memory. Made me stay after school. I had to clean the whole thing up. She had put, like, I don't know what kind of chemicals on it. I probably shouldn't have been handling it at that age, but. And into adulthood. Like, that was, like a reoccurring theme for me. Constantly needing to fidget, to play with things. Getting very bored in school, doing obnoxious things, like just driving my teachers bonkers. I remember this is middle school. One teacher telling me, she was like, okay, you need to stop talking. You need to stop talking. And so I did. And so then I started clearing my throat. I started going or coughing. And she knew I was trying to piss her off, But I'm like, this is involuntary. I have to. I'm sick, you know? And then she made me go to the other classroom, and I was, like, mortified. I had to be in another classroom. And the shame. But that was. I don't know. I probably. I'm sure I have, like, that. What, is it odd, too? A little bit of. A little bit of that in there. I think we all do. I mean, I still have a little bit of that. Till this day, you do not tell me what to do. And into adulthood. I remember making a joke, and I used to, like I said, I used to make that joke all the time. I'm so adhd. And I remember one girl, her friend goes, yeah, you are. And I kind of stopped and go, I was just joking, you know, like, I was making a joke. But she was so serious.

[A]

What grade would this have been?

[B]

This was adulthood. This was like 25, you know, 20, 28.

[A]

Were you the class clown or had you develop that at that point?

[B]

It's so interesting because I grew up with so many siblings, I was kind of like the family clown in some ways, actually the least funny person in the family. My brother would always tell me that you're the least yout funny one, Chelsea. So that became important to me was to be funny. And it's just because all my siblings are ADHD and just, like, insane. And everyone was always trying to, like, one up each other, and I'm the youngest, watching this all happen, and I had to develop my voice and be loud and all of that. Stuff. And so I was rambunctious. At home with my friends, I was rambunctious, but I was so scared of adults and new people. I was, like, dead quiet in front of new people and adults I didn't know well. And until later, that kind of came in and developed a little bit more. But, yeah, so when my friend told me she was so serious when she said, it took me aback. And even in adulthood, I still call her. You put on. When I go out to dinner, you put those, like, paper. I don't know. Maybe I eat at different restaurants than you, but it was fancy to me. It was like a steakhouse. They have these, like, paper tablecloths with crayons for kids, and I'll be there once again drawing my masterpiece or fiddling with the straw or whatever. And so, yeah, so even in my 20s, didn't realize. It wasn't till my 30s that I went and got an official diagnosis.

[A]

What prompted that?

[B]

I assumed I was ADHD at this point. It was, like, pretty clear. And. And it didn't bother me so much because I attribute a lot of. A lot of stuff to the adhd. Like, I think it makes me funnier, it makes me more lively and more creative and all, you know, there's a lot of positive with it. And I was just used to raw, dogging life, you know, Like, I was. I was just used to, you know, used to setting goals and being like, oh, God, okay, I'm just gonna do. I'm wake up and do this every morning. And I was used to, like, that level of, like, things are just a little more difficult in certain ways for me. But the thing. Once I had children, it really set me for a loop because it became very. My brain became very chaotic because my environment became very chaotic. I think it just had me in overdrive. I became extremely dysregulated. I was very irritable. I just felt like I was short with everybody. I was very cantankerous and very unpleasant to be around. And I didn't understand because typically I just. I love life. Like, I'm actually very positive about life. I'm excited about life. I love, like, you know, I'm setting big goals and being excited of, like, what's coming in next. And I just. I think I was having a bout of postpartum depression, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I did address that part of it, but I still had this irritability going on. And after doing more research, I said, I wonder if this is linked to my adhd, because I thought they were separate.

[A]

So you had already been diagnosed, and it wasn't that you had a child who had adhd, and that's how you came into it and was diagnosed. You were diagnosed in advance of that?

[B]

I think I was pregnant with my second or third kid. My psychiatrist did diagnose me out in la, but he said, I can't do anything for you. Basically, Like, I do. Sorry, I can't do anything for you. You're pregnant. So I kind of forgot about it and said, I'll just keep, you know, raw dogging this mental health stuff. And. And then once I moved to Utah, they had to reassess me and everything, and I got an official diagnosis. But what brought me there was not the disorganization or, you know, it was my irritability and how that can be really tightly linked of, like, I'm so overstimulated, my brain is like short circuiting. And so going into that diagnosis was, like, very, very crucial. And then I started taking, you know, my nervous system very seriously and other ways that I could naturally help myself. And I also did try medication, and, you know, occasionally I will. If I, like I'm doing taxes, I'll do, you know, I'll take it. But most of it has been through diet and through exercise and through just nervous system regulation stuff.

[A]

Because ultimately, that is exactly what ADHD is, right? It's this dysregulation of the nervous system which throws our prefrontal cortex offline even more so than it normally is. And then, I mean, that's where we do all the planning, the scheduling, the emotional regulation, the time management. And so you're already struggling with that now? You really are struggling with that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So a couple questions for you. How did you do in school? Did you have a problem with grades? Was school hard for you?

[B]

Yes. Yes. Even in college? Yeah, I guess. Like earlier life, like I said, constantly fidgeting, I'd get in trouble. I remember my teacher installed a phone in the classroom. And so when people would get in trouble, they'd have to call their parents in front of everyone. It was like public humiliation.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

But I remember I. I was so chatty. But I actually, like, I really love my parents. And I knew they were so overwhelmed that they weren't going to do anything about it anyway because they had 10 kids they were raising. So I acted up just so I could call my mom. And I call her, like, hey, mom.

[A]

In front of the class. And so I'm sure everybody's laughing, right?

[B]

Oh, the class was like, in Stitches. They were. Everybody was laughing and even the teacher. The tea. Oh, no. He was pissed because the day before, a boy had been acting up, called his mom and was crying in front of everyone. And I called my mom and my mom's like, chelsea, knock that off. Okay? We'll talk about this when you get home. And I just was. You know, But I just think she was so used to my rambunctious personality and just, she was so overwhelmed, which is probably was a great foundation for my adhd. Is like that. No, like, it was. It was just a weird environment to grow up in. It was just constant chaos and constantly trying to get attention. But in terms of school. Yeah. It seems like for the most part I did. I really struggle with textbook work. I really struggle with sitting there. I remember having to write vocabulary words off of the board and we would just. It would take me forever and it was so boring. But the hands on stuff, like if we did a science project, if we were doing art, those things really made me come online and I would come alive. And then when it came to my college years, it was kind of similar. I was a theater major in college, so luckily I picked something that really suited me. But we still had the textbook classes. Theater history was just one of the most boring classes I could have ever. I would fall asleep. I couldn't help myself. Every morning I would fall asleep in class and I'd be pinching myself and.

[A]

Chelsea, do you have good working memory?

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

So you can't memorize anything. It would always have to be impromptu, even in theater.

[B]

Well, okay, so sorry. Short term. So if I actually take a script or a monologue or a song and I rehearse it, I rehearse it several times and then I'd like almost need to like overnight with that script before I can go and perform it off book. So, like, I need it kind of processing in my brain overnight. When I would go into and at Versus, I have friends who could take a script, look at it and only need it for a couple prompts throughout their. Throughout their scene. I couldn't do that. I'm like looking straight at the book. So, like, I need time with it. To process it.

[A]

Yeah. To consolidate that learning.

[B]

Yeah. But I've had plenty of auditions that were terrible because they expected me to like, just kind of get it immediately. And that was really difficult for me. So. But yeah, I wasn't somebody who could just take it and memorize it as soon as I got the script. Like, it took me a While was sitting with the script.

[A]

So I'm curious, given all these challenges with school, did you have this idea that I must not be very smart, or did you always know, you know what? This is crap.

[B]

I'm smart, you know, luckily, even though, like, I grew up in chaos, my mom was very positive with me. And she would always say things like, you are so talented in all of these areas. And so the places that I was, I would struggle, I never felt too badly about, because I knew I had talents in certain areas. And a lot of that I owe to my mom for being really encouraging. In fact, when I was trying to figure out my major in college, she was the one. Because I would always do monologues in front of the mirror, and I'd, like, cry in front of the mirror and be really dramatic. She was like, well, why don't you. What about theater? Have you thought about theater? And it was like a bell went off when I heard that, because it was like, yes, that's it. Like, that's the major, I think, kind of more into adulthood, especially when I would have to kind of memorize these scripts. I started losing confidence in myself because I didn't understand how some people could just immediately get it, and I couldn't. And so I thought, like, my brain must be, like, broken or, like, mush or something. That was a struggle for me. I had a really difficult time test taking in college, especially. I was always a slow. Especially if it's a written test. In high school and college, I started noticing that where I would be the last one, like, done with the test. And it was because I would read it and then I would. My brain would drift off somewhere. I'm like, oh, okay, back on track. And then I'd read it again. And then I, you know, so it wasn't that I didn't know how to answer, was that I. I was just slow to, like, process it or my brain would drift off somewhere and I would have to refocus back into it and then I could answer it. So I think those two things kind of did make me start losing some confidence along the way, for sure.

[A]

Did you always feel like you were different than your peers?

[B]

I knew I was different because we had a crazy upbringing. So, like, there's 10 kids, super religious family in Nevada. I mean, like, we were already different. Like, we were already the chaotic family. Very difficult for, like, my mom to make friends in town because how do you go have a play date when someone has 10 kids, you know? And so we already. We didn't Care. We had. We had a blast growing up. I always had friends, which I think if we get into some social stuff later, I'm sure affected me socially in some ways because I had just built in friends. I'd have to try, you know, So I already knew I was different just from my upbringing. I would have people tell me all the time, you talk so much. So I knew in those ways I was different. I was also very emotional, though. And when you are raised with. Basically I'm being raised by teenagers. I mean, like, I have older siblings, and of course you cry and they're like, oh, knock it off, you're such a baby. Like, these are older sibling, normal older sibling things. But I was so heavily influenced by them. So I started kind of putting up like a shell to try to try to seem tough. So I would try to repress some of that emotional. That emotional side of me. But yeah, very, very emotional. According to my siblings, I would cry all the time. And so I think in that way I understood I was different. I knew I was kind of like, I guess a little bit of a ham. And so in some ways it's like, positive. In some ways, maybe the, like, the hyper emotional part was something that I was. That was maybe negative for me in that period of time. Now I embrace it and I love it, but it took my mid to late 30s to start embracing that side of me.

[A]

Before we dive back in, a quick reminder. Your brain is not disordered. The problem is no one ever gave you its manual, but I can and I will. Your ADHD brain is. AOK Academy is my step by step patented program to help you figure it all out. Click the link in the first line of this episode's description to learn more or book a discovery call. Now let's get back to the show. So what is it like to have nine siblings?

[B]

It's crazy. It's chaos. So there's actually 13 of us. I was raised there. I was raised. There was 10 in a home. And in adulthood, my parents adopted three. Three children, three teenagers. But the. In terms of growing up, I grew up. There was 10 of us in a house. And so that's sort of like the best way I can explain it is that way. But, yeah, the youngest of the. Of growing up of the 10. And that was.

[A]

You were the youngest?

[B]

Yeah, of the. The family that I grew up with. And I would say that, weirdly, I do fit into that younger sibling, like, the youngest sibling stereotype pretty well. And you would think with such a big family, like, I'm Sure I have some. Some differences than people with a normal sized family. It was fun though. Tracy. We. I had a blast. And I know some people are. You probably were neglected. I'm like, sure. But I had so many siblings, it didn't matter. And my mom did. My parents really did do their best to like, give us individual attention. But still there's 10 kids. So I really look to my siblings for direction a lot. I really look up to them. I always had built in best friends. They inspired me in so many ways. And we still, like, we're like a pact and we, you know, we are all still very close.

[A]

Do you live close to each other?

[B]

For the most part. You know, I'm in Utah. I have a sister like four hours away for the most part. We all. And we get together very regularly. Like, we have times of the year that we all meet up.

[A]

I can't even imagine how do you do that. I mean, with 10 people. And let's say each of you have two kids.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, let's see. The one has four. Like, I think the most we have is. Oh, no, the most we have is like five. I think my sister has five kids. Or does she have six kids? I can't. I've lost track. So, yeah, I mean, I have three. And it. I now that as I get older, I appreciate getting together in smaller groups because my nervous system is something that I really try to take care of. And I realize, like, the dysregulation that happens when it's like, too chaotic. You would think I'd be built, like, to be able to, like, handle it. And I think up to a point I was. And now I'm like, I already have so much going on in the background with my own kids and focusing on them. But yeah, we get together and I feel so bad for my mom because everybody goes and they crash at her house.

[A]

I'm like, you need a convention center.

[B]

I. It's true. Like, yeah, my mom does have. She, you know, she has like a big, like, loft area. She's like, all right. All the grandkids just like, shove in there and. And it's a great time. But I do really appreciate, like, the, like a couple siblings at a time because we can actually have a conversation. It. Adult conversations feel so good when you don't get them all the time.

[A]

So what has changed since you were diagnosed?

[B]

The just awareness, I think. I think that is such a big deal awareness. I think it's hard to understand yourself. I mean, even like, without medication, all the Other things. If you can go through life and just be like, oh, this makes sense, that why I'm doing this now, like, there's an explanation for this. Oh, I'm not broken. My brain just works a little differently. I didn't follow through with this project because of my adhd. Well, and now I understand it. And now I can take on things that. And like your book says, that are tied to purpose. Now I can take on things that I know are things like I'm. I'm being, like, called to do or pulled to do. And so I reserve my energy for things that I know that I meant to be doing versus before the first idea that would come. Like, great idea, let's go. And then I would. I think I let myself down a lot of times in life because I would lose steam or I'd lose energy for it. And now I can go back and look through my history and go, oh, you just were not aware of this and you didn't know how to handle this. And I think that alone has given me more confidence to take on things that I know that I can handle and to take, even if they're big, big things I know I can handle a lot. But to kind of narrow in my focus with them and tie it back to purpose. Nervous system's been huge for me. Like, that was like, once again, it's like the bell goes off when you hear something. You're like, oh, holy crap. Like, that's the thing I need to be focusing on. And I think we have those moments in life where they're just like, you hear something or someone says something and a bell goes off and it changes your life. Because, you know, like, that instance with going being a theater major, it was just like, I just needed to hear it and I needed that bell to go off. Or you might, oh, I hear something on social media about nervous system and tying it back to adhd, and it's like a bell goes off. Oh, I need to start taking my nervous system seriously. I should start taking my ADHD more seriously instead of it just thinking as this fun, quirky thing, seeing how it actually is impacting my life in a less positive way and then taking control of it and understanding myself more. So, yeah, definitely. Nervous system stuff and just over the awareness has been huge.

[A]

So you had mentioned that you were seeing a psychiatrist, and so I'm assuming that you were probably either misdiagnosed or not also diagnosed, you know, with ADHD because of comorbidities. Can you talk more about that, how that helped as well, you know, knowing you had adhd.

[B]

Yeah, well, when I went, it was so. I almost feel like the process is, like, too easy. It feels like it needs to be harder, at least, like, when they're, like, prescribing you some, like, legit drugs, like, maybe. But he. So the one in LA was like, sure, your adhd, like, did not ask much, but the one here actually was a little more thorough. So he had me take, like, the test and. Or fill out a form, and it was like, yes, for every single thing. He starts reading the form in front of me and he gets to, like, question three. Yeah, you have it. And it gets through. It's like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Have you had it since childhood? Absolutely. Did you have a hard time in school? Yes. Did you have a hard time focusing? Yes. All of those things.

[A]

You actually had the classic symptoms. I think where they struggle, especially with women, is when you do really well in school.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I have a lot to say about school, too. Like, picking, like, the right major and all of those things. It's. Sometimes we think our brain can't handle, like you said. Like, sometimes, like, you think, oh, wait, am I just dumb? Am I just not good at something? Schoolwork, and then you find the right fit for you. Like, I could soar through, like, my. My acting classes, and I was so easy. I could connect so easily with my emotions. Those were. They were cake like that. There's a lot of things I might not be good at, but I, like, knew I could act, I knew I could sing. I knew I could connect with those emotions, and so I was really good in those ways. It was just the book where I found it so difficult to, like, consume the text. Like, textbook stuff.

[A]

You weren't interested.

[B]

Yeah. Very disinterested.

[A]

You're probably thinking, where the hell am I gonna use this?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And which most. And so when he's asking these questions about childhood, it's like, yeah, I was bad in that sense. Like, I didn't do well in. When it came to, like, book work. But in the other, like, my extracurricular, I just did great. And, like, in college, when it came to, like, the heart of my major, I did great because it was, like, something that suited me so well. Yeah.

[A]

So what happened with that psychiatrist? Were you ever misdiagnosed, or did they get it right from the beginning as far as. No, it's adhd.

[B]

Yeah. It was, like, immediate. It was so obvious. But I do have. I mean, I asked my husband about this yesterday, too. I'm like, what? Like, it was a pretty. Is it pretty clear, like, what ADHD things I do. I do. And my point is, is I think I'm both. I'm both inattentive and hyperactive. And he said to me, he said, he's like, yeah, it's really obvious because sometimes you'll ask me a question or I'll be telling you something and you'll be looking at me in the eyes and you'll go, wait, what did you just say? Like, you'll have no idea the details from my story. And as he's telling me this, I'm thinking of something else. And I go, oh, sorry, I'm back.

[A]

Totally, completely. I'm like, if you're not literally looking at me and holding my head and saying, are you hearing this? Are you hearing this? I'm not going to hear it. So you cannot walk through the house and say, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, I am not listening to what you're saying.

[B]

Well, do you have to see the mouth, like, move sometimes? Because my husband will say something to me and I'll go, I didn't hear. I just heard. Like, I didn't. Like, I know you're speaking at a volume that I should be able to understand.

[A]

Stand.

[B]

I'll have to have them look at me sometimes. And I'll go, okay, now I understand what you're trying.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you know, and I'm, you know, completely somewhere else.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

And it's gotten worse. I don't think I was this bad before.

[B]

Yeah, it's a roller coaster. It really is. Yeah. There's times in my life where I felt like I could. Could handle it. And other times I'm like, yeah, it seems like it's. Usually it's tied to my phone. My phone usage. If I'm scrolling, my brain is just like, pop, pop, pop. Just like, it's just everywhere. And I'm way more restless and anxious. And so I have to have really very clear boundaries with my phone.

[A]

Absolutely. Okay. So speaking of phones, where did Karen disapproves come from? And can you explain it a little? Because it's funny.

[B]

Oh, okay, sure. Okay. So Karen disapproves is kind of. It's essentially is a hot mess mom comedy. And I, I put out just like silly videos of some every now and then. My kids will occasionally be in them, but it's usually just me, like either like playing a child and doing sketches and. Or, you know, just having Some funny commentary on, on parenting. And I mean that's, that's really what it is. And I, I want to say it was right before the pandemic I started. I was, I was a stay at home mom. And I think also it's kind of like life was sort of set up from, from like how. View. How I viewed my mom and things like you, you stay at home until they go to, you know, to kindergarten or, or whatever. My views have changed a lot since then, but that was sort of like the expectations, I think, in a lot of ways. And so I was a stay at home mom, but I'm also adhd and I can't not like be doing things it. And I think that was a big thing for me too. Becoming a mom was that and also helped inspire the page. But it was, it was hard on me. A lot of people will say it was like the easiest thing, it was a breeze or the, it was, oh, just the best thing ever. And it was good in a lot of ways. There's a lot of things about becoming a mom that I was just. I, I loved, obviously I love my kids, they're like incredible kids. But it was that transition from being a very busy person kind of working, you know, like, you know, acting and doing things, you know, in that way to being at home with my child and this like, loss of, like, this like freedom of being able to do what I want, when I want. And so that was like, that was actually like really hard. I was like kind of going through a bit of an identity crisis when I, When I first started having kids, which I would give my children different advice, you know, as they get older.

[A]

Wait, what would that advice be?

[B]

I think I would say, you know, it's up to you. This is your decision, you know, if you want to stay at home with your kids or not. But, but have something going in the background at least. Even if you want to be, you know, mostly at home, like have something you're creating and developing that is in alignment with you so you don't lose that part of yourself. Because I think that's sort of what happened to me. There was this a little bit of an identity crisis, like, oh my God, now I'm at home all the time and I have like a kid on my boob and I'm also not producing very much milk. And so I'm like, it was so hard that I think the advice would be, it's your decision, you know, whatever you want to do what you feel is right for your. You and Your family, it's okay if you want to work, it's okay if you want to stay home. But. But have. Have something, something going, something you can come back to because you're going to want, you're gonna design. Even if it's not that first year of life that's so difficult when you're nursing and it's like everything's changing, your body's changed. But have something that you can still have that's your own, that brings you back to, like, your identity, which is a child is now part of your identity. But I hope I'm explaining that where it makes sense.

[A]

I think it makes total sense. And especially for us with our ADHD brains, if we are not in our creative, at least a certain part of every day, we can really become miserable.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. And so I think that balances out the challenges of motherhood and frankly, the boredom of motherhood. I mean, it's like frigging Groundhog Day, right? It never ends. You get up and it's the same thing. You go to sleep and then you.

[B]

Get up and do it again. Yes. I think that's what was. And I think you just. You nailed it. That was it. It was. You're so busy and so tired, but so bored. It doesn't make sense. Like, it just. And it's. That's why I'm having a hard time explaining it. Cause it's like it's all of these things at the same time. And you're so in love with this human and you're so, like, happy, but then you're so, like, bored at the same time, and you, you're trying to grab onto, like, pieces of your identity. And it. For me, it was a. It was. It was a struggle. Some people are way more graceful. And if you're out there and you're pregnant and you're listening and you're gonna do great, it's gonna be graceful and beautiful for you, but it just wasn't that for me.

[A]

Can I ask you, Chelsea, did you have a lot of support at home or were the roles pretty distinct?

[B]

I didn't have any family in la, so I didn't have that type of support in terms of, like, grandparents or. I had a lot of friends, but my husband had a small business and he was working like 10 hour days, 12 hour days.

[A]

Was he in the house?

[B]

He was. And he took time off, like when they were born and when he was home, he'd help, but he was like, the, the scales were very tipped for me and for him, like he was busting his butt trying to stay, keep a family afloat with one income in LA as an entrepreneur. And so, yeah, like, we both were like being pulled very, very thin. Like we were going as hard as we could on both ends. Me and motherhood, full blown motherhood. Him and trying to provide in, in such an expensive city. So.

[A]

So he was doing everything he could do, but his plate was full too. I think that, you know, we are kind of raised to believe that as mothers, if we can stay home, it's a privilege and it is.

[B]

That's what my therapist told me back then too. Yeah.

[A]

But that doesn't mean that we don't need something more.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And, yeah, and back then, if I had something where I would have been able to help, like support more financially, which is actually what I ended up developing because I, for one, I saw that, I saw how imbalanced things were, like somewhat unintentionally, I needed an outlet for myself. I needed a creative outlet. But I also wanted to bring in income and I wanted, Yeah, I just wanted to be more well rounded. And that's when I started. Karen Disapproves not really understanding, like, where it would go, how big it would get and really just. And I think that's one of the blessings of ADHD is you're able to see these, like, nuances. You're not scared to talk about them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so that's where I think a lot of people can relate with my account is I'm talking about like my sore boobs or I'm talking about like, you know, just. Just how I'm sitting on the toilet and there's like three kids at my feet or whatever. It's not embarrassing to me to talk about those things. And I. So it's like my filter is very, very thin. Pretty unfiltered. Yeah, I'm pretty unfiltered for the most part. And so I think that's why people kind of grasped on to Karen disapproves. Started mostly was doing like funny quotes and things and. And then it turned more into film, like more into reels and sketches, which was such a great outlet for me for. Especially for that period of time. And then it just really started building from there.

[A]

So is that easy for you? I look at what you do and I think, oh my gosh, I just could never do that. I can barely even post a still thing on there, like to create all this stuff. Is that easy? Is it just like, oh, I've got the idea.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's not like, stressful or feels oppressive.

[B]

Sometimes it's easy and then other times it takes so much effort and I don't want to do it. And so I don't. So that's like the balance with ADHD is. Is interesting. I also have evolved a lot since starting the page. You know, that was like, in 29, I think, like 2019. And I've evolved a lot. And so even though I'm still a humorous person and I still am pretty unfiltered, I. I have other interests now too, that I'm building and other things kind of going on in the background, like the podcast Soul Slumber Party, which is like. Feels like a polar opposite of my page. Karen disapproves like, one side of my personality and like a total opposite side of my personality that I've been exploring. And that's been the best journey I could have been on. And it's just, it's no. No regrets. No regrets. It can be tough sometimes. And I'm less motivated these days to, to. To run with. Karen disapproves even though I still post and show up my focus, knowing that I. I need to be more like, narrowly focused with adhd. Otherwise, like, nothing gets watered properly at all. So it's been really bringing Soul Slumber Party to life.

[A]

Creative brains are idea factories and yours is, you know, you're definitely there. But when we don't have a system, we can get totally paralyzed because there's just so many ideas. So I'm curious, how do you organize and prioritize your creative ideas?

[B]

Or.

[A]

Or do you.

[B]

That's a great question. I do now. More so. And I'm not perfect at it too, because I still have too many things going on, but I have less. Interestingly, I think I went through this phase of doing so much and not being able to follow through to, well, that I'm not going to do anything to. This is really boring and unfulfilling and I'm not reaching my potential to coming back to, let's start spitting out the creative ideas again. But now, once again, like your book, it's tied more to purpose. And so that's how I prioritize. And a lot of it is like, I'm very intuitively led too, with the things that I do. And that's been a whole journey for me, regulating my nervous system so I can even hear, like, what my intuition is telling me because, like, when I'm in constant chaos or dysregulated, I'm not making decisions that are really aligned with myself. I'm doing things out of, you know, fight or flight. So. So part of that is getting regulated so I can get clear on what ideas to prioritize.

[A]

So again, we're back to calming the nervous system.

[B]

To calming the nervous system. That's. To me, that's been, like, life changing for me, because then I can go, oh, is this being motivated out of fear right now? Like, oh, if I don't do this idea, all these things will happen. Or is this being motivated out of, like, this is coming from whatever you want to call it yourself, higher self, whatever you want to call it. Is this coming from something that's, like, in alignment with myself, or is this fear based or, you know, chaos based? And so I've become a lot more centered, and therefore it's a lot easier for me to prioritize. And it doesn't always make sense because the thing is, I am super intuitively led. So some people will be like, why would you not just go, like, super hard right now? You've got momentum with your page, and, you know, Karen disapproves. Why would you go into this other field? And if I listen to outside noises, that's like, when I'm in a dysregulated place, I'm like, hey, other people make decisions for me. I'll listen to other people's advice. But when I'm in a place of regulation, it might not make sense to anybody else, but I'm still able to, thankfully to adhd, make bold moves. Because I feel like that's a big part of ADHD is feeling that boldness, but, like, making bold moves that don't have to make sense to anybody else. And so with Soul Slumber Party, it's like, it's, you know, it's. We touch on everything from, like, spirituality to self development to mental health. So the whole array of topics. But with Soul Slumber Party, it was like, it doesn't make sense to you, to other. To other people, necessarily making this, like, crossover, it feels like. But I, like, just knew. That's all I can say is, like, I knew I needed to start the podcast, and it came back to me, like, month after month of like, okay, you're gonna start the. It's very strange, but it's one of those things where the bell goes off. You just follow that. And so I didn't. I wanted to make sure this wasn't just gonna be an ADHD idea. Oh, now I'm hyper obsessed with, like, exploring this, like, spirituality and mental health. Like, you know, now I'm hyper obsessed here, so I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna get burnout and stop. And so I needed to make sure. And part of that is time. Is this gonna keep coming back to me and telling me, let's go, go, let's go. And so when that idea kept revisiting, like month after month, it was like, okay, I'm gonna do it. You know, logically, this probably doesn't make sense, but like, on an intuitive level, this does. And I've done that. I always have other, like, multiple things going, but I have a script I'm writing right now, which makes no sense to most people, going from somebody who could like, struggled reading to writing a script. But it was an idea that I kind of came to a couple years ago. And it was like, when I heard it, a bell went off and I was like, but I'm not that kind of writer. I'm a short. Like, I'm a sketch writer. So I kept putting it off, putting it off. Kept coming back, coming back, kept coming back. And it was like, every time it come back, it was like harassing me. The script was harassing me. And I would. I actually told some other writers about it. I said, there's this script. Here's a script idea. You should write this. And I, like, told other people about it. They're like, no, that's your. That's your baby. And so finally it was just through, I think, building my self confidence because I had that limiting belief of I'm not that type of writer, building my self confidence to go, actually I am and I always have been. I've always written and now I can do it. So it's a lot of it is building like that self confidence and belief in yourself because it, like, it's there, like the script is there, so it's a matter of putting it on paper. And so I think that's how I've been able to, I guess, organize my ideas is one. Is it tied to purpose? The script I'm working on definitely is tied to purpose also. It's kind of merging like the. My spiritual obsessions with comedy and bringing it down into like one place and actually makes a lot of sense to me. But it's like that. That harassment of the idea that won't go away because I've had many ideas in my life and they're great for a week. And then I'm like, I should have started ice cream shop.

[A]

That wouldn't be cute.

[B]

It's gonna be superhero theme. Oh, My God, this is the cutest idea, you know, or like, whatever. And it comes and then it just fades. Like, oh, that.

[A]

Or you have this idea that you're like, oh my God, that's so great.

[B]

And then you forget, yes, it wasn't meant to be. Well, I've had so many business ideas, I've had so many creative ideas. I've had just different ideas for different social media accounts and this and that. And so it's that like, where, when do I. When does that bell go off? Does it keep coming back? Because that's a big thing. Because I don't want it just to be a hyper, hyper fixation that leaves, you know, that I'm burnout with after doing it for a month or two months and now I'm like, screwed because I have this whole, like, momentum going. I'm like, ah. So it's. Does it keep coming back and is it tied to purpose? And I think as I've grown more confidence and confident in myself and have really identified partially through the podcast, even just people who come on identifying my limiting beliefs and where my, like, subconscious patterns aren't serving me anymore. And I think that has helped me the most being able to go, of course I got this, I've got this. And be more confident in what my purpose is. And also I think my purpose will always keep growing and shifting. But for now I feel pretty, like I have pretty good direction.

[A]

I find that really instructive and interesting. And this idea that you get it and then you keep seeing everywhere, you turn more direction around why you really need to do this and you need to pay attention because you're right, it keeps coming up.

[B]

Yeah, you gave me chills when you said that. I was like, full body chills. I think that's exactly what it is. I think part of ADHD after, you know, like the flow of ideas constantly coming in, I think it can somewhere along the lines for some people and it happened for myself. You can start losing trust and belief in yourself because you can go, man, I tried that idea and it didn't work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or I tried that and I gave up. Or I tried this and I got to that point like I said. And it was kind of like around when I became a mom too. It's like I had all these ideas and I just felt so dysregulated that I couldn't. I needed a lot more, I think, support, like from like mental health support than I was getting, but I didn't understand how to get it. Like, I think, I think My. I think my insurance covered, like, one therapy session a week, a month, but then they would book me eight weeks, like eight weeks out. You know, it's like I needed more support that way. I think, at least in my experience with adhd, it's been. There's a. There's a period of time where you might lose faith in yourself or belief that you can actually bring all of these ideas into reality. And so I think getting to a place where you can calm your nervous system, you can calm your brain, and you can start taking little tasks, like picking up little tasks that you can follow through with and start regaining that confidence in yourself that you're capable of, and then start calming your body so you can listen to those hits. The bells going off and partially working out has helped me a lot. I get flooded with ideas for my script when I work out. Some of my biggest intuitive moments come when I'm moving my body. Not necessarily sitting in meditation, although it happens occasionally. It mostly will come from me moving my body.

[A]

And in the shower, they both increase dopamine, so I guess that makes sense. So, Chelsea, do you have a number one ADHD workaround?

[B]

Yeah. So I think I mentioned earlier, a phone has been a big one. If I get sucked into social media and, like, the constant scrolling, that immediately leads to me being more irritable and more, like, agitated with people and then unable to focus on the things that I need to be prioritizing, like the creative ideas. I have a rule right now where I don't get on before noon, and that is incredibly helpful to me. So. And even setting time limits, you can set it in your phone. I think for a lot of people, even people who never thought they were adhd, start getting ADHD symptoms just from the phone. So if you have adhd, you should especially be mindful of the phone.

[A]

Oh, absolutely. We are becoming more adhd. We are changing our brain. So if we already have adhd. Oy. Right.

[B]

Yeah. What's funny is I used to be like, TV is, you know, my mom. TV is just like sucking your life away. Or, you know, it's. It's. What a waste of time. And now it's scrolling in bed while the TV's on. And it's just. So now I'm like, I miss the days when I used to sit and watch a show.

[A]

One channel. And when it was gone, it was gone.

[B]

Yeah. So that. And working. Working out's been huge. Been huge. That blood flow to my brain, the. And, and, and. And getting some, like, kind of strict routines which is kind of like me being a little bit obstinate, like, immediately wants to fight against it. But having a good, you know, morning routine helps set up my day. It just helps. And the biggest, the number one thing I think people with ADHD need to realize is how powerful their thoughts are, because we can have powerful thoughts and they can go negative or they can go positive. And so if you can set yourself up to just have more positive thoughts, you'll have a lot more control over your life, over your day, over, you know, what you're bringing into the world.

[A]

More dopamine. Positive emotion generates dopamine.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Thank you so much, Chelsea. So are you working on something that you want to tell us about? Where can people find you? All of that?

[B]

Just. You can find me over at Karen disapproves. I'm still over there. I'm still, you know, having fun over there too, showing up into my stories. So Karen Dot disapproves on. I think all, all places you go. And then Soul Slumber Party is the name of the podcast that I do, and it's really been a journey for me and it's really, really fun. And, and you know what? Your adhd, you need a dopamine hit. Like I bring on people that give me a dopamine hit, Tracy included, and just fun ideas to think about. And you can follow me on all the social medias over on Soul Slumber Party.

[A]

Chelsea, thank you so much for spending time with us here today. We'll have all of that in the show notes. I really appreciate it.

[B]

I appreciate you. This was super fun.

[A]

So that's what I have for you for this week. If you like this episode with Chelsea, please let us know by leaving a review. Our goal is to change the conversation around adhd, helping as many women as we possibly can learn how their ADHD brains work so that they too may discover their amazing strengths. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you here next week. You've been listening to the ADHD for Smartass Women podcast. I'm your host, Tracy Otsuka. Join us at adhd for smart women.com where you can find more information on my new book, ADHD for Smart Ass Women. And my patented you'd ADHD brain is a okay system to help you get unstuck and fall in love with your brilliant brain. ADHD is not the problem. The way we've been told to manage it is. If you're tired of feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like you're not living up to your potential. I want to help my you. ADHD Brain is a. Ok. Is a step by step patented program that actually works for ADHD brains like ours. No more forcing yourself into ordinary brain systems that just don't fit. If you're ready to thrive, find the link in the first line of this episode's description. Your brain is brilliant. Let me prove it to you.