Podcast Summary: ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka

Episode 354: Why Burnout Conversations Fail Without Neurodiversity – with Nicole Bela
Date: October 15, 2025
Host: Tracy Otsuka
Guest: Nicole Bela

Episode Overview

In this insightful episode, host Tracy Otsuka sits down with Nicole Bela—a nonprofit fundraiser, connector, late-diagnosed ADHD woman, and advocate for neurodiversity in the workplace. Together, they delve into the glaring gap in burnout conversations: the missing lens of neurodiversity. Nicole shares her personal diagnosis story, explores the realities of masking in high-pressure environments like fundraising, and offers a call to reimagine what sustainable, inclusive workplaces could look like for neurodiverse professionals, particularly women. The episode is rich with vulnerable storytelling, practical insights, and a push to expand the definition of workplace mental health to finally include neurodiverse voices.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Nicole’s ADHD Diagnosis Story

[06:02–29:33]

• Late Discovery After Motherhood

  • Nicole was diagnosed at 37, following the birth of her second child—a period marked by moving states, pandemic isolation, job changes, and intensifying struggles with anxiety, organization, and energy depletion.
  • “Having kids really pushed me over the edge… I used to be an avid runner… which is really part of my story. When I look back, I’m like, well, clearly there was something about the reason why that was so good for me.” – Nicole [08:33]

• Role of Exercise as Unintentional Self-Regulation

  • Physical activity was a critical self-management tool—before diagnosis, she ran marathons and practiced yoga, unknowingly self-medicating through movement.

• Barriers to Diagnosis

  • Despite periodic suspicions (“Maybe it’s ADHD”), previous therapists attributed Nicole’s symptoms to anxiety—a common misdiagnosis for intelligent, high-functioning women whose challenges are masked or internalized.
  • “Anxiety and ADHD oftentimes very much look alike… I was bouncing off the walls in my head, but not physically. That’s where I think the exercise would come in.” – Nicole [16:47]

• The Role of Peer Support & Social Media

  • Catalyst came from a friend’s ADHD journey, TikTok videos, and especially a video on auditory processing. Realization that needing subtitles to process TV or being overwhelmed by multitasking were neurodiverse traits.

• Formal Assessment

  • Nicole details the struggle even during standardized ADHD assessments—challenging to focus, almost failed due to test format, and previously missed accommodations because she was undiagnosed.

Processing the Diagnosis

[25:11–29:33]

• Blend of Relief and Grief

  • Initial diagnosis brought both clarity and shock; Nicole immediately embarked on self-education and tried to “fix everything at once.”
  • “The problem that I had when I first found out I had ADHD was, like, I tried to fix everything at the same time... But super mom… also has kryptonite—which was that too much brings the superhero down.” – Nicole [25:26]

• The Importance of Unmasking

  • Only after a literal and metaphorical “fall down the stairs” experience did she recognize the necessity of slowing down, setting boundaries, and practicing authentic self-care rather than attempting to be all things to all people.

Burnout, Masking, & the Missing Neurodiversity Lens

[29:33–55:04]

• Nicole’s Article: “Unmasking why Neurodiversity Belongs in Fundraising's Mental Health Conversations”

  • Burnout is prevalent in fundraising but burnout discussions ignore the compounding challenges of masking neurodiverse traits.
  • “Masking is such a key piece… it made it so much harder to try to pretend that I could be this person or fit into these expectations... In order for us to truly address workplace burnout, staff retention, we need to be including the concept of neurodiversity in mental health conversations.” – Nicole [30:26]

• Why Fundraising Attracts the Neurodiverse

  • Nicole hypothesizes that nonprofit/fundraising attracts many neurodiverse people (especially women) due to “injustice sensitivity”: a deep drive to help, create change, and find meaning through mission-driven work.
  • The “jack of all trades” nature of the job appeals to ADHD brains but can also push them into burnout—especially when forced into systems not built for neurodiverse ways of working.

• Structural Issues in Nonprofits

  • Underinvestment in operational support, unrealistic expectations, and resource constraints disproportionately hurt neurodiverse staff who may silently overload to compensate for perceived weaknesses.

• The Power and Pain of Masking

  • Masking neurodiversity—hiding traits or challenges to fit workplace norms—amplifies burnout, shame, anxiety, and imposter feelings.
  • “When you're masking, you're keeping it to yourself internally… If you’re having a problem with mental health in your organization and your staff, I want you to look—how many of them are neurodiverse?” – Nicole [47:41]

• Coming Out at Work

  • Nicole took the leap to share her diagnosis with her workplace, hoping to model vulnerability and encourage true inclusion. She describes (sometimes underwhelming) reactions, as well as relief and newfound connections with colleagues.
  • “I felt privileged that I had the ability… and maybe sometimes, was that stupid, that I just came out and told? But since then I’ve met so many other fundraisers who say, ‘I think I might have ADHD too.’” – Nicole [45:18, 55:26]

• Intersectionality of Masking

  • Explores how people often mask not just neurodiversity, but aspects of identity (religion, culture, etc.), compounding the barriers to belonging.

Building More Inclusive Workplaces

[59:11–64:44]

• Lessons for Leaders

  • Language matters: Nicole rewrote job descriptions to focus not on rigid skills (“attention to detail” or “time management”) but on a candidate’s ability to know and communicate their own optimal systems.
  • Leaders should invite employees to share what works for them (timing, systems) instead of enforcing a one-size-fits-all approach.
  • “It’s not about what you think is the best process or the best way to do things, it’s about do they know what works best so that they can deliver.” – Nicole [61:48]

• The Advantage of Neuro-Inclusion

  • Research shows neuro-inclusive environments (cited: Microsoft, Amazon) result in better workplace performance, innovation, and retention.

• The Need for Psychological Safety

  • Both Tracy and Nicole stress that employees do their best work only when regulated, at ease, and able to be their authentic selves.
  • “We can only do our best work when we actually feel safe.” – Tracy [55:04]

The Role of COVID, the Shift to Virtual Work, and Realities of Fundraising Today

[64:57–70:54]

• Pandemic-Accelerated Challenges
  • Nicole describes how Zoom and virtual work robbed her of crucial cues (energy, body language)—leading to more interruptions, feeling lost, and new difficulties in building rapport.
  • “It was harder to read the room… For someone that’s neurodiverse, the combination of all these factors is that much more exhausting, and it burns them out that much faster.” – Nicole [67:41]

Fundraising in a Politically Volatile Environment

[71:00–76:44]

• Funding Cuts & Burnout
  • The current political climate (defunding of cancer research, etc.) is destabilizing organizations. Staff cuts often eliminate marketing and fundraising roles, worsening the problem.
  • Nicole underscores the vital, often invisible role of operational funding, as well as the codependence of government and private support.
  • “No matter what we do in the private funding space, it’s never going to be enough to make up for lost funding from the government.” – Nicole [71:17]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Misdiagnosis and Exercise as Medication

  • “Anxiety and ADHD oftentimes very much look alike… I was bouncing off the walls in my head, but not physically. That’s where I think the exercise would come in.”
    — Nicole, [16:47]

• On Coming Out and Unmasking at Work

  • “I felt like I was lying to myself. I was lying to others. And it was only making my life more difficult because I couldn’t be authentic to who Nicole Bella is… To do that, you have to create space for people to take off their mask and say, this is who I am.”
    — Nicole, [53:59]

• On True Inclusion and Neurodiversity

  • “If we're not including neurodiversity in the conversation about burnout, staff retention, and wellbeing, we’re missing a huge factor.”
    — Nicole, [30:26]

• On Work Environment & Self-Knowledge

  • “It’s not about what you think is the best process or the best way to do things. It’s about—do they know what works best so that they can deliver?”
    — Nicole, [61:48]

• On Systemic Burnout in Nonprofits

  • “We are continuously kind of… putting these unrealistic expectations on fundraisers—a development director that needs to do eight different jobs… being a jack of all trades. You can do everything. But there’s a breaking point.”
    — Nicole, [44:59, 45:03]

• On Mental Health & Belonging

  • “ADHD is not an excuse, it’s an explanation. Without the ability to be able to explain, to say ‘Hey, I respect your time, but I’m really bad at staying on track in a conversation,’ people don’t truly understand me.”
    — Nicole, [47:36–47:59]

Important Timestamps

• [06:02] Nicole begins ADHD diagnosis story
• [14:11] Previous suspected ADHD, misdiagnosed as anxiety
• [18:10] Academic/Professional success masking symptoms
• [25:26] Immediate reaction and overwhelm post-diagnosis
• [30:26] Article summary & why masking burns out neurodiverse staff
• [35:02] Why fundraising may attract the neurodiverse
• [45:18] On workplace reactions to her ADHD “coming out”
• [53:59] Masking, intersectionality, authenticity at work
• [59:44] Leadership lessons—rewrite job descriptions for inclusion
• [64:57] Nicole’s Zoom struggles & COVID workplace shifts
• [71:17 & 75:19] Fundraising under political funding cuts

Where to Find Nicole

• LinkedIn: Nicole Bela (Direct link in show notes)

Takeaways for Listeners

• ADHD in women, especially high-achievers, is commonly dismissed or misdiagnosed—often until motherhood or life transitions force dysfunction into the open.
• Exercise and structure masked underlying struggles for years.
• Burnout conversations in mission-driven fields (like fundraising) ignore how much more mental labor is demanded when neurodiverse employees must constantly mask.
• Authenticity and psychological safety at work—spaces to “unmask”—are prerequisites for neurodiverse staff to thrive, innovate, and stay.
• True inclusion is not lip service; it’s rewriting roles, expectations, and norms to empower people to play to their strengths—and supporting individual regulation needs.
• Leaders must model vulnerability and value difference, inviting staff to define what makes them successful.
• Sustainable social impact depends as much on the wellbeing of workers as it does on external funding.

For further community, resources, and Tracy’s programs:
adhdforsmartwomen.com

This summary is designed for those who missed the episode or want a comprehensive, actionable overview of the deep-dive conversation between Tracy Otsuka and Nicole Bela on neurodiversity, masking, and burnout in the workplace.