EP. 362: From RSD to Seeking Rejection: A Young Nurse’s ADHD Playbook

Summary

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Podcast Summary: ADHD for Smart Ass Women with Tracy Otsuka

Episode 362: From RSD to Seeking Rejection: A Young Nurse’s ADHD Playbook
Date: December 10, 2025
Host: Tracy Otsuka
Guest: Nina Padilla, ER nurse

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Episode Overview

This episode features a candid, insightful conversation between host Tracy Otsuka and Nina Padilla, a 23-year-old emergency room nurse from rural New York. Nina shares her journey from struggling for years to obtain an ADHD diagnosis, navigating emotional challenges like Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), and ultimately transforming her unique brain into a professional and personal superpower. Together, they discuss the misunderstood faces of ADHD in women, the realities of working in high-pressure environments as an ADHD woman, and how embracing difference and even seeking rejection can foster confidence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. ADHD Diagnosis Journey & Early Struggles

• Persistent Advocacy: Nina began suspecting ADHD at 13 but was dismissed by her pediatrician repeatedly because her symptoms didn’t fit the “textbook” hyperactive boy.
  • “I brought it up every single year until I stopped seeing my pediatrician when I was 21.” [03:49]
• Symptoms Overlooked in Girls: Despite doing well in school and being the “perfect kid” in class, Nina struggled with focus, daydreaming, impulsivity, and emotional intensity.
  • "I can't focus for the life of me, I'm always daydreaming... But they thought girls who did well in school can't have ADHD.” [05:42]
• Panic Attack Catalyst: A multi-day panic attack during her last semester of nursing school led to therapy and, finally, an accurate ADHD diagnosis at 23.
  • “My focus was getting really bad... couldn’t sit in my chair... My doctor said, ‘No, you’re having a really bad panic attack... Let’s revisit ADHD.’” [03:49–05:13]

2. Navigating Emotional Dysregulation & Family Dynamics

• Emotional Intensity: Nina describes being highly emotional as a child, especially at home.
  • “If I was frustrated, I’d instantly start yelling and crying. If I was sad, I broke into tears.” [09:51]
• Family Context: With two older brothers and a father she describes as the “picture perfect ADHD boy,” Nina believes her ADHD is inherited. Yet acknowledging and addressing it took time, especially as her father denied the possibility in her.
  • “My dad... forgetful, impulsive, hyperactive... He’d say, ‘My kid with ADHD could not be you.’” [10:46–11:18]

3. Post-Diagnosis Transformation & Embracing Medication

• Visible Change: Starting Adderall made an immediate and positive difference.
  • “My coworkers... said, ‘You're very different. And not different in a bad way…Far more focused, not running around like a crazy person. I wouldn’t forget things.’” [11:27–12:04]
• No Longer “Losing Sparkle”: Nina’s initial fear that meds would dull her personality was unfounded.

4. Being Different & Finding Community

• Confidence in Difference: Nina never tried to “fit in”—an attitude that both isolated her and led her to find her “people” early on.
  • “I’m Nina, and that’s who I’m always going to be. I don’t care to be anybody else.” [13:37]
• Resilience Developed Young: The pushback from parents and society only made her more dedicated to her true self.
  • “They were definitely like, ‘Nina, can you just be a little bit more like everybody else?’ And that just made me want to even more be myself.” [14:13]

5. The Emergency Room: ADHD Superpower in Action

• Why the ER?: The fast, unpredictable, and high-stimulation ER environment perfectly matches Nina’s ADHD-driven need for novelty and activity.
  • “I fell in love with the chaos…Overstimulating, but so stimulating at the same time. I never had a chance to sit.” [17:57–18:21]
• ADHD as a Strength: Nina’s quick thinking, energy, and need for stimulation thrive in the ER. Even colleagues and doctors recognize it.
  • “Somebody needed something done... I said, ‘It’s already done.’ She looked at me... and goes, 'Nina, don’t fix whatever’s going on up there.' That was the moment I was like, this is my ADHD superpower.” [25:16–25:44]
• Feeling Understood in the ER: She jokes that the ER is full of undiagnosed and diagnosed ADHD professionals.
  • “I always joke that part of the interview... should be ‘Do you have ADHD?’ Because all of us found each other.” [24:29]

6. From Rejection Sensitivity to Seeking Rejection

• Past RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria): Nina shares that fear of critique and rejection once hindered her, even leading her to leave sports.
• Actively Seeking Rejection: In a transformative pivot, she now deliberately courts rejection to build resilience.
  • “I seek a no, I seek a rejection letter... It’s the reason we’re having this conversation today.” [27:15–28:24]
• Impact of Rejection Therapy: Seeking rejection has cured much of her RSD and boosted her confidence.
  • “I no longer have a fear of hearing no, or getting rejected... It’s definitely been some exposure therapy for it.” [29:42–29:49]

7. ADHD and Early Adulthood

• Dating Struggles: Object permanence issues and distractibility make relationships tricky.
  • “If you don’t text me very often, I forget you’re there sometimes.” [30:08–30:34]
• Flexibility & Adventure: The upsides—spontaneity, impulsivity, and openness—make her 20s exciting and full of possibility.
  • “If I wanted to get up and go, I could... It gives me a lot of flexibility.” [32:33]

8. Misconceptions About ADHD Professionals

• Breaking Stereotypes: ADHD nurses are not the “textbook boy with ADHD who doesn’t do well in school.”
  • “We are smart ass women with ADHD. I work with so many incredible smart women with ADHD in the ER.” [33:53]
• Unique, Valuable Thinking: ADHD enables unconventional, holistic problem-solving—often critical in emergency medicine.
  • “We think really weirdly sometimes, and that saves our butt a lot of the time in the ER.” [35:14]

9. Advice for ADHD Women and 20-Somethings

• Don’t Force “Productivity”: Nina has removed “productive” from her vocabulary, noting it’s toxic for many with ADHD.
  • “We say the P word. We don’t say productive... So harmful to be stuck in this world of productivity.” [39:13–39:18]
• Interest Over Everything: Personal interest should drive choices in career and life.
  • “It’s interest, interest, interest, and then double down on interest again.” [39:04]
• Try Anything & Work With Your Brain: Don't be limited by conventional expectations—test passions, take risks, ignore the need for a formal “platform.”
  • “Go with what you’re good at…Find what works for you and what interests you and is going to keep you interested.” [38:16]
• Role Models & Wisdom: Learning from others’ mistakes—especially family—can inspire pursuing true interests.
  • “I learned a lot from [my brother’s] mistakes…He is not working with his brain.” [40:14]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On not fitting the ADHD stereotype:
  “They thought girls who did well in school can't have ADHD.” – Nina [06:11]

• On medication’s impact:
  “I was just far more focused, not running around like a crazy person. I wouldn’t forget things.” – Nina [12:04]

• On finding her people:
  “All my friends are also different... So I felt normal in a different way.” – Nina [12:35]

• On ER as ADHD heaven:
  “I fell in love with the chaos. I never had a chance to sit...It was so overstimulating, but so stimulating at the same time.” – Nina [18:21]

• On seeking rejection:
  “I seek a no, I seek a rejection letter...I got really tired of people pleasing.” – Nina [27:15]

• On productivity as a “P-word”:
  “We say the P word...so harmful to be stuck in this world of productivity.” – Nina [39:18]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [03:49] – Nina’s decade-long journey to ADHD diagnosis
• [09:51] – Emotional dysregulation and childhood experience
• [11:27] – Life-changing effects of starting Adderall
• [13:37] – “I never tried to fit in.”
• [17:57] – Why Nina fell in love with the chaos of the ER
• [25:16] – “Don’t fix whatever’s going on up there”—ADHD as a superpower
• [27:15] – From RSD to actively seeking rejection
• [30:08] – Dating and object permanence challenges
• [33:53] – ADHD nurses defy stereotypes
• [39:13] – Banning the word “productive”
• [38:16] – Advice for finding your ADHD path

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Tone & Language

The episode is warm, affirming, and conversational. Tracy expresses admiration and delight at Nina’s self-acceptance and unique strengths, while Nina balances humor and wisdom as she shares her journey. Both reject pathologizing ADHD, focusing instead on adaptation, resilience, and leveraging difference for success.

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Takeaways

• ADHD in women is often missed—especially when they’re high-achieving or internalize symptoms.
• Medication and understanding can be life-transforming.
• Choosing environments that fit your brain—especially high-stimulation, fast-paced ones—can make ADHD a superpower, not a liability.
• Actively seeking out challenges and potential rejection builds resilience against RSD.
• Embracing, not fighting, your natural tendencies (even if they’re unconventional) is the pathway to thriving.
• Redefining productivity and focusing on interest/passion sets the foundation for a satisfying career and life.

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For more on Tracy’s program and book, visit adhdforsmartwomen.com. To reach Nina, find her on Instagram: @nina.isabella.

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Transcript

[A]

I've been creating this podcast for five years with no sponsors, just a mission to help ADHD women like you thrive. But if you're ready for more, listen up. Your ADHD brain is not broken. It just needs the right tools. I'll show you how to work with your brain, not against it. Inside my youy ADHD Brain is AOK Academy for. For more information, find the link in the first line of this episode's description. Now let's get on with the show.

Richard Branson, Michael Phelps, Justin Timberlake, James Carville. Wait a minute, where are the women?

Greta Gerwig, Lisa Ling, Audra McDonald, Simone Biles. That sounds like a list of highly successful titans in a variety of industries. They all have adhd, but you don't hear much about that now, do you? You know what else you don't hear about are the 43% of people with ADHD who are in excellent mental health. Why aren't we talking about them and what they're doing? I'm your host, Tracy Adsuka, and that's exactly what we do here. I'm a lawyer, not a doctor, a lifelong student, and now the author of my new book, ADHD for Smartass Women. I'm also a certified ADHD coach and the creator of youf ADHD Brain is aok, a patented system that helps ADHD women just like you get unstuck and fall in love with their brilliant brains. Here we embrace our too muchness and we focus on our strengths. My guests and I credit our ADHD for some of our greatest gifts. And to those who still think they're too much, too impulsive, too scattered, too disorganized, I say no one ever made a difference by being too little.

Hello, I am your host, Tracy Adsuka. Thank you so much for joining me here for another episode of ADHD for Smartass Women. You know that my purpose, it is always to show you who you are and then inspire you to be it. In the thousands of ADHD women that I've had the privilege of meeting, I've never met a one that wasn't truly brilliant at something. Not one. And so of course, I am just delighted to introduce you to Nina Padilla. This is what Nina wrote, not what I wrote. Nina is a 23 year old, I'm going to say young woman. I added that she's an emergency room registered nurse from the middle of nowhere, New York. She is a listener of the podcast and she prides herself on being a dog mom to her four legged child, Claire. When she isn't Working. She's either reading or on a plane off to another adventure. Welcome, Nina. Did I get all of that right?

[B]

Sounds about right, yeah.

[A]

Nina, you are an emergency room registered nurse. So in my book, you are basically a hero.

[B]

You.

[A]

And you're also my son's age, so I'm just delighted to talk to you. But before we talk about the ER and ADHD and how the choice is related to adhd, I would really love to talk about your ADHD diagnoses. Could you tell me how you were diagnosed?

[B]

It's been a long 10 years. Started when I was 13 at my annual pediatric visit. I was like, I think I have adhd. And my doctor's like, no, that's for boys who are jumping out of their chairs and can't focus, disrupting the class. And I was like, are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure I have adhd. She said, no, I brought it up every single year until I stopped seeing my pediatrician when I was 21. And then when I was in my last semester of nursing school, I had a really bad panic attack. It was like three days long. I wasn't doing great in school at that point. My focus was getting really bad. I was getting up in class, like at least once or twice an hour to go to the bathroom when I was just taking a walk because I could not sit in my chair. It was having a rough semester and I was having a three day long panic attack. I have asthma. So I assumed it was just my asthma symptoms. I went to the doctor and she's like, no, you're having a really bad panic attack. We're going to set you up with therapists, get you on meds, everything like that. So I've been seeing about the same therapist for almost two years now. And at the beginning of this year, she said, nina, do you want to revisit that? Maybe we both think you have adhd. And I said, yeah, sure. So I got a psychiatrist. And she was like, nobody told you of adhd? And I was like, no, nobody told me that. Yes, literally every single year. So I was like, that makes complete.

[A]

Sense when you kept going to your pediatrician every year and saying, I think I have adhd. I should be tested for adhd. So was it a man?

[B]

No, it was a woman.

[A]

It was a woman. I hope you've gone back to her and told her, this is what ADHD looks like in girls. Hello. But so you keep going back to this pediatrician. And what was it that was going on that you were saying, I know I have adhd and that's why I keep bringing it up.

[B]

I can't focus for the life of me, I'm always daydreaming. I was playing sports five days a week, so, like the hyperactivity wasn't really an issue until I got into college and stopped playing sports. I was impulsive, interrupting people. I wasn't necessarily somebody who talked a lot. I was more so shy. But I was very still impulsive and hyperactive. And I was doing really well in school. But they thought that girls who did well in school can't have adhd.

[A]

So when you were diagnosed, Nina, were you diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD or combined?

[B]

We didn't do the full, like testing, like the computer testing, but it's very likely that it's combined because I am extremely hyperactive.

[A]

You are physically hyperactive as well?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Are there a lot of thoughts in your head all the time?

[B]

Yeah. So when I was having a bad time in school, they diagnosed me with anxiety. At first they said, it's not adhd, it's anxiety, of course, anxiety meds. And the symptoms lessened but didn't go away. So it's understandable.

[A]

Well, of course, because I've never met a woman with ADHD that doesn't have some anxiety, even if it's subclinical. And it makes sense. Right. If you know that there's something not working correctly, it makes you anxious. Especially when you're put in a setting like school where you know you're smart. And I assumed you knew you were smart, but you. How was school? I shouldn't assume anything.

[B]

School was really easy. I graduated with an associate's degree from high school. I went straight into nursing school. I had a breeze my first. I did a two year program, so it's four semesters. So I had a breeze through my first three semesters. And then my last semester is really when everything started to like, get really bad. And focusing was hard, so school was a little bit harder.

[A]

Was there something about that last semester when you had. Was that when you had the panic attack? Day long panic attack? Which again, that makes so much sense to you if you've gotten to the point where you're realizing, I can't focus, I can't do this, I'm really struggling and there's something wrong and everybody tells you, nope, not true, you're just anxious. That third semester in school when you had the panic attack, was what you were studying getting harder or was it that you just weren't interested? Or what changed? Why do you think you had that three day long panic attack?

[B]

So it was my last semester, my fourth semester. I think I was just. I was doing really bad. I had a bad start to the semester, so my grade was already low. It was coming to an end, like it's now or never. So I think just because of all the stress that nursing school puts on you and the fact that I already wasn't doing good and what if I didn't graduate? That was like absolutely terrifying. So I think that's what kind of started. That was a snowball that just tipped over the edge.

[A]

So for the first time in your academic career, you were struggling?

[B]

I was struggling.

[A]

And school was not easy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you think the material was different? Was it more clinical work? I'm still thinking there must have been something that was different. Or did the work just get harder?

[B]

They stopped hand holding you a little bit more. They started wanting you to really use your brain to think like a nurse. And for the first time it was really like, we're not going to give you the answers. We're going to make you, give you some weird question. You're going to have to go through all these mental steps and get to the end of it. And so I think it was just having to switch my brain to actively think like a nurse was a little bit harder.

[A]

Okay. Was it that the same structure and systems that you had relied on up until now, all of a sudden they changed and you're like, I don't know what the structure is, I don't know what the systems are.

[B]

Yeah. I think it was just, I wasn't prepared for the change and all my usual habits didn't help me anymore.

[A]

Nina, can you tell me what you were like as a child?

[B]

I was, you know, the perfect kid to have in class. Nobody had any issues with me, which was another reason why my doctor was like, nobody said anything, so obviously you can't have adhd. I was a great student. I was quiet, but I was really emotional. So overly emotional.

[A]

So what did that look like?

[B]

If I was frustrated, I'd instantly start yelling and crying. If I was sad, I broke into tears. If I was just angry, I was angry. My emotions were just hitting hard constantly.

[A]

This struggle with emotions, it sounds like emotional dysregulation. Was this both at school and at home?

[B]

Yeah, less so at school. I think I was more able to control myself at school, but at home it was pretty bad.

[A]

Do you have siblings?

[B]

I have two older brothers, yeah.

[A]

Were any of them diagnosed with adhd?

[B]

No. My oldest Brother definitely has it, but he doesn't care to do anything about it. My middle brother might be on the spectrum. That's not something that anybody really pursued either.

[A]

Who do you think you got it from?

[B]

My dad. My dad is the picture perfect ADHD boy. Completely just forgetful, impulsive, hyperactive, the whole works.

[A]

And so when you would tell him, which I'm assuming you did, if you told your pediatrician, hey, Dad, I have adhd, what would he say?

[B]

He'd say, no, that's not. That couldn't be it. Absolutely not. My kid with ADHD could not be you. No.

[A]

So I am curious, Nina, what has changed since you were diagnosed? And remind me again how long ago that was? Was that about it? Two years ago?

[B]

I was diagnosed. Actually this year, right before my 23rd birthday. I was diagnosed in April of 2025. And what changed? I started medications. I'm on Adderall. And that's been. Everybody's seen a change since I've been on Adderall. My co workers. The first day I started, it was like, you're very different. And not different in a bad way. Like, I didn't lose my sparkle. That's what I was concerned about. Yeah. Was that I was gonna. I was gonna lose me, but I didn't. I was just far more focused, not running around like a crazy person. I wouldn't forget things. I wouldn't lose things.

[A]

Do you feel so much better now that you're on Adderall? Like, everything is easier for you?

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

And with no side effects.

[B]

I mean, I have, like, a little bit of shakiness sometimes, and I actually didn't get a loss of appetite. I gained more appetite, which is kind of weird because that's usually. It's an appetite suppressant. But I went the opposite direction with it. A lot hungrier.

[A]

I hope that's a good thing.

[B]

It is.

[A]

So I'm curious, Nina, have you always felt different than others?

[B]

Yes. Yes. But all my friends are also different than others, so I felt normal in a different way.

[A]

That's wonderful. So was that early on that you basically found your people?

[B]

Yeah, quite early on. And I still am. Best friends with them to this point, will always be in my life. They're incredible.

[A]

And that's probably the best way. The sense that. And I think most of us will say, yes, I've always felt really different. But if you can feel same in your difference because you're in the right environment around the right people, that's the perfect way to live.

[B]

Really? Yeah. It's Funny to see how everybody thinks so differently and we still come to the same conclusion sometimes.

[A]

Did you ever try? Because I think a lot of. Especially girls and women with adhd, they'll try to do that thing where, well, I'm gonna see if I can just fit in. Did you ever try to do that? Or did you realize early on it's not gonna work? Or I have no interest.

[B]

I never tried to fit in with anybody. Love that I'm Nina, and that's who I'm always gonna be. I don't care to be anybody else. I didn't care to be the typical girl who wore dresses and makeup, and I was 100% just a rule breaker in every sense.

[A]

What imbued you with that confidence at such an early age?

[B]

I don't know. I think I just really didn't care.

[A]

Do you have parents that are like you and are really supportive of your difference, or were they more like Nina, can you be a little bit more like everybody else?

[B]

They were definitely like, Nina, can you just be a little bit more like everybody else? And that just made me want to even more be myself.

[A]

I just love that. And so even at a very early age, you know, society, family, obviously, you know, education, they're all trying to push you into this mold. And you're like, nope, I'm just not interested.

[B]

Not interested at all.

[A]

And so as I'm hearing you speak, it seems to me that that is exactly what allowed you to build the confidence that you have. And it's pretty obvious how confident you are.

[B]

Yeah, that. Well, I wasn't always as confident, and I think I'm still working on. Definitely took a long time to be this confident, but you just realize after a while it doesn't matter what anybody thinks. And that's so hard to get to. But once you get there, you really.

[A]

Can'T go back if you've never really cared about what people thought. I guess what you're saying is that I didn't care, but I was also a little bit affected by it, and I had 100%. Okay, so what was it about you? Because this is such a huge Lesson, especially for 20 somethings, you know, today with all the uncertainty, what is it about you? Like, what were the thoughts when, okay, well, maybe I would like to fit in more, but I don't feel comfortable being who I'm not. So I'm just going to stay in my who I am, regardless of the fact that sometimes it's really uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I think one of the factors is I Don't like change. I really am uncomfortable with change. So the idea of changing myself to be somebody I'm not is really hard. I also love to be brutally honest to people, so just being brutally honest to myself is really important to me. And I think it had a lot to do with my mom as well. She wouldn't let me wear makeup as a kid. I was small. I had a growth hormone deficiency that I had to take. Go through like hormone replacement therapy for. For about 10 years. So, you know, I was always the odd one out. And at this point I just. You learn to just roll with the punches. Yeah.

[A]

You double down on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Starting with the obvious. Why the er? What pulled you toward the chaos instead of any of the maybe saner nursing specialties?

[B]

Yeah. Going through school, we had to do something called clinicals, which is free labor in a hospital. Yeah. So during clinicals we went through like a regular medical surgical floor. We went to an intensive care unit. We went to like a mother baby unit. And I could not stand it, could not stand any of them. I was going through it like, what am I possibly going to do when I get out of this? Because all of this seems pretty miserable to me because I can't just sit here for 12 hours, pass the meds chart.

[A]

Were you like, what am I doing?

[B]

Yeah. I was a little scared going into it. Nursing was the only thing I had seen. It was like my hyper fixation was healthcare. So it was the only thing I could ever see myself doing. But at the same time, I couldn't see myself doing what we were doing in school. So in my last semester, last few weeks, they let us pick whatever unit we wanted to go to and spend three 12 hour shifts following that nurse, supervised by that nurse and not with our clinical instructors, and just have a little bit more freedom because we were graduating and that was going to be your life. So I was like, I'm going to go to the emergency room.

[A]

Had you been there before?

[B]

I had been there for a couple hours, but nothing, not a full shift. I had no idea what I was going into. So I went to the pediatric emergency room, which is like my dream. And I'm actually working in it now at the same place I did with clinicals. And I fell in love with the chaos. I fell in love with it. I never had a chance to sit. I was constantly doing something.

It was so overstimulating, but it was so stimulating at the like. So it felt so nice. And I fell in love with it. Couldn't see myself doing Anything else?

[A]

Wow. So my son is in New York City and he volunteers on the weekends in the ER at Cornell. Weill well he graduated, I guess it'll be two years this next May. And he's, he's been working in executive recruiting but for he places doctors, scientists and regulatory affairs lawyers. But it's the kinds of doctors who help with patents and you know, so it's more corporate kind of placements. And he has just been so inspired by the doctors that he talks to that in May he came to us and he said, I want to be a doctor. And we're just like Marcus, you hate school. No, I want to be a doctor. That's why he volunteered at the er. And we really thought he's going to hate this so much because the way I walk into an ER is like this. You know, I am so afraid of what I'm going to see. But just like you, he absolutely fell in love with it. And he applied to a couple postbac pre meds because he doesn't even have the classes. This is so insane. But it's so adhd. And he got accepted at his number one last week and so he is going to do that starting, you know, next May. I guess he goes for a year and then, and then he applies to med school. And I again really thought that there's no way once he gets in there he's just going to be so grossed out and blah blah, blah. But no. And you know the other day he told me, do you know who Dr. Mike is on YouTube?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He is in the top 2% of people who like he's, I don't even know how many of his videos he's watched, but he's in the top 2%. And I'm like, what possesses a human being to want to watch all this gross stuff and you know what's going on. I just, I don't understand it. But I guess the kind of people who want to work in the ER want to be doctors, want to be nurses and thank God we have them. So I'm just, I'm fascinated by, by your story and I want to know what ADHD actually help you do better in the er.

[B]

Oh my God. It is such a stimulating environment that people will just absolutely go insane sometimes. But I think um, my ability to be distracted sometimes can help because I'm constantly moving. Something needs to be going on. It's a fast paced environment. I never get bored. So you know with ADHD when you're bored you get distracted. That tends to Happen. But with the er, I'm not. There's always something to do. I'm never bored. There's always somebody screaming, somebody, oh my gosh, causing a scene. So you're never really bored.

[A]

Does that mean that work is so fast paced that you get there and before you know it, you're gone? Like it never feels like a drag? You're never watching the clock?

[B]

Unfortunately, no. There are days where I am like, I need this day to be over and it's only three o' clock in the morning and I still have four more hours.

[A]

Ah, okay. So what keeps you in it then? It's the days when everything is happening and it's so fast paced.

[B]

It's so fascinating to me what the human body can do. And I love learning. And every day you're learning there. Every day you're seeing something new, you're meeting a new person, you're having a conversation with somebody that you probably would never had a conversation with. That's, that's what keeps me going every single day.

[A]

Is it also the sense that your work is really making a difference in other people's lives?

[B]

Sometimes I don't even realize it. That's why I got into nursing, because somebody else's. So a nurse made a difference in my life.

[A]

Can you tell that story? I just love hearing, especially when, you know, it's when we're younger, where I believe our best purposes give meaning to our past. And so a lot of the times it's what we go through. Right. That really impacts us. And then we want to make sure that we're helping someone who has to experience what we experience, have an easier time of it. And so I'm curious if that was part of the story.

[B]

So I mentioned earlier that I had a growth hormone deficiency, had to go through hormone therapy, replacement. That was noticed when I was about six or seven years old. So I had to be hospitalized and get a few tests and everything like that. And I just remembered absolutely just having a blast with the nurses that were taking care of me. They made this situation that was kind of a little scary, so much less scarier. And it was just, I was like, I want to be like them. I want to do exactly what they're doing. And that's been where I've started going to like, I wanted to be a doctor at first. It didn't happen. It's not enough hands on for me. I really like to be hands on in the nitty gritty.

[A]

And so did this thought come into your head when you were six yeah.

[B]

Just about six or seven. Yeah.

[A]

Wow. And so your entire career, as far as education, you've had this North Star, that. This is what I'm going to do. I know. This is what I'm going to do.

[B]

Yeah. There was no other thought in my mind about what I was going to do besides going into healthcare one way or another. And then in my junior year, I said, nursing is going to be what I'm going to do. And there was no other option.

[A]

Do you have a lot of friends that are your age that really struggled with this and throughout school didn't really know what they wanted to do, or are most of your friends like you? They had a North Star?

[B]

No, there were definitely some that was like, I still have no idea what I want to do. I'm going to throw a mat, throw a dart at a list of degrees and figure it out from there.

[A]

Do you find in the ER with the people that you are working with, your colleagues, do you think most of them have adhd as well?

[B]

100%. I always joke that part of the interview of going into the ER is the first question they ask is, so, do you have adhd? Because all of us are the same. All of us are on some type.

[A]

Of stimulation, but they asked one of the first questions.

[B]

No, but it should be because all of us found each other.

[A]

And do you think all of the people who have found each other in the same place in the er, do they know they have adhd? Is it like a joke among all of you?

[B]

Some of us do because most of us are diagnosed, but some just. I think that they'll get there eventually, you know, they'll figure it out eventually. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so I want you to tell us the story about the doctor you work with and what he told you.

[B]

So I was working one night. It was a pretty chaotic night, and I'm pretty fast to do things. Everybody calls me an energizer bunny. I'm always running around constantly. It was a chaotic night and somebody needed something done. They walked up to me, asked me if I could do it, and I said, it's already done. And she looked at me and I love her for this. She's incredible pediatrician. But she looked at me and she goes, nina, don't fix whatever's going on up there.

That was the moment I was like, this is my ADHD is my superpower. I'm in the right place in the right time. This is not a disability by any means. This is my superpower. And the reason I am successful in.

[A]

My Career in the right environment, definitely. You just totally took that as a compliment.

[B]

Yeah, 100%. It was absolutely hilarious. And I was so flattered by it because sometimes you think that like ADHD is going to make things really hard for you. You can't focus, you're impulsive, you get distracted easily, you lose things. But in this sense, it's actually like my superpower and it makes me so much better in the er.

[A]

So I'm curious if you can look at some of the people in the er. I mean, I do this kind of out in the wild in real life and you just absolutely know, oh my gosh, that person does not have adhd. And they are driving me nuts because they are so slow and plotting and this time does not call for that.

[B]

Yeah. I actually had a conversation with one of the doctors I was working with literally like two days ago where they were like, people just need to get to the point in their stories because I'm filling in the gaps and they're not moving fast enough. And that's so true. Like some people are just not moving fast enough for filling in the gaps. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So I know that somewhere you told us that you actively seek rejection now. And I'm curious, what do you mean.

[B]

By that and why I do I actively seek rejection? I seek a. No, I seek a rejection letter. I want people to shoot me down. I seek rejection. Yeah.

[A]

Why was there a time when you were not like that and you learned that, oh well, if I can get rejected and I'm still here, I lived. I'm okay.

[B]

There was a time where I was very sensitive to rejection. Rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria. You talk about it a lot. There was a time where I was very sensitive to rejection. And hearing a no or hearing a critique, it was what made me stop playing a sport I loved for so long. So I got really tired of it. I got really tired of fearing these no's, these rejections getting not people pleasing. I got really tired of people pleasing. So this year I was like, you know what? I'm going to start seeking rejection. I applied for random positions that I was so under qualified for. It's the reason we're having this conversation today. Today actually.

[A]

I love it. I figured.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Because I. I'm not a psychologist, I'm not an author, I have nothing to do with the ADHD world. But I'm just a 23 year old girl living in the middle of New York. So how does that make me qualified to sit here and talk to you about ADHD thinking I wouldn't hear back.

[A]

Imminently qualified. No. My gosh. We loved your story and we loved the youth, we loved the confidence and the fact that you have learned so, so young that ADHD in the right environment literally is your superpower. I mean, it's so. It's so clear that you know that and you own that. And so you are the perfect guest. Seeking all this rejection, overtly seeking it. What has that done to your confidence?

[B]

Definitely boosted it. It's definitely shown me I am more than who I think I am, for sure. I'm not just some girl, I guess, you know, it's done a lot for my rejection sensitive dysphoria. I no longer have a fear of saying fear of hearing no. And I no longer have a fear of getting rejected or anything like that.

[A]

So it sounds like what you're telling me is it's basically cured it.

[B]

It's definitely been some exposure therapy for it. Yeah, that's for sure.

[A]

You're 23 with ADHD in a high pressure job. What is the hardest part of being in your early 20s with this kind of brain? Is it friendships? Is it future planning? Is it's clearly not career? Is it dating? Like, what do you think it is?

[B]

Dating has been hard with adhd. Not many people understand my brain, how my brain works. I get bored easily and I get distracted or I forget important dates. I forget that we set a time for a date. I have really bad object permanence. If you don't text me very often, I forget you're there sometimes. So it's definitely been hard dating.

[A]

You really understand your brain and what your brain, the challenges that your brain has. So I'm really curious, well, have you ever dated someone with adhd? Because that sounds like a good fit for you.

[B]

I have not dated somebody with adhd. My current partner does not have adhd, but is still neurodivergent in some way. And it's been honestly really incredible.

[A]

Oh, okay, so you're figuring that part out as well?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Sometimes I think the best partner is someone with adhd. But then I also think that could be the worst partner. Right. Because the same thing, you both struggle with the same things versus, if you like, I just hate numbers and finance. I'm sorry, I just do. I'm never going to love it. And so I made a point of marrying a banker.

[B]

Exposure therapy.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And when he said to me when we were married, like within the first couple of weeks, he said, okay, so if I'm going to manage the Finance part of our relationship here. I would like you to give me a receipt for everything that you spend that is over 50 cents. Now, granted, that was decades ago, but still 50 cents. And I just looked him in the face and I went and I just laughed like there was no way that that was going to happen. And so this poor man has, you know, it's like wrangling cats, right when he wants to sit down and talk about money. So I, I mean, I do think that opposites attract and opposites are good. But I've also seen relationships where both partners have adhd and that works beautifully too. So even that. Nina, it sounds like you're figuring it out. You're working it, you're working through it.

[B]

Definitely figuring it out one day at a time, that's for sure.

[A]

What is the best part of being in your early 20s with ADHD? Where does the brain that you have actually make life more fun, bigger, better?

[B]

It allows me to still be spontaneous. I mean, I'm not tied down to anything quite yet. It's just, you know, it's just me and my dog. So I'm really not tied down to anything. So if I wanted to get up and go, I could. If I wanted to change careers, suddenly I could. I'm still young enough to do that. If I wanted to get another degree, I could. Gives me a lot of flexibility, being in my early 20s with ADHD and always being impulsive and spontaneous.

[A]

Loving this episode. Imagine how much better life gets when you have the tools to create your ADHD brain's own operating manual so you can finally work with your brain, not against it. Your ADHD brain is a ok. Academy is my step by step patented program to help you figure it all out. Click the link in the first line of this episode's description to sign up or book an AOK Discovery call. Now let's get back to the show.

What do you think people misunderstand most about ADHD nurses or ADHD professionals? Like what are they getting wrong?

[B]

That we are the picture perfect textbook boy with ADHD who's running around and doesn't do well in school and everything like that. We are smart ass women with adhd. I work with so many incredible smart women with ADHD in the ER and they are just some of the best nurses. And I think some people just forget that, like you can be adhd, you can be on the spectrum, you can have anxiety, depression and still be such an incredible professional in your field.

[A]

Probably a better professional in your field because of that, right? I mean, if you're, if empathy is important and speed and you know, all the great things that we do with, you know, being able to, I mean, I would think being a nurse and you have a patient and you know that we, we don't think of individual things step by step. We think of kind of everything all at the same time. And so we're then able to put together all these different things into, consolidate them into one thought that nobody else has even considered. And that may be what saves that patient's life. And I could have said that much more articulately, but hopefully you understand what I'm saying.

[B]

Definitely. We think really weirdly sometimes and that saves our butt a lot of the time in the ER is our quick, weird thinking that nobody else would have been like, I would have thought to do that. It works.

[A]

Do you think that medicine in general is finally starting to figure this out, even if it's grassroots and it's actually these medical professionals in the hospitals, in medicine, rather than, frankly, nursing schools, Medical schools, because you're one of the lucky ones. You have ADHD and school was an area of brilliance for you. But I see people all the time who would love to be nurses, who would love to be doctors, but because they haven't figured out, it's almost like you have to figure out the academic part early on, right? Otherwise you're doing what Marcus is, what my son is doing. And that's expensive and, you know, it requires privilege and, you know, finances and parents that will support you. So do you think that we're slowly started to get it in medicine that this is actually an asset?

[B]

Definitely. And I definitely think people are realizing that it's not going to hold you back. It's so incredible to see what people can do with their brains. And sometimes medicine just needs somebody who thinks a little weirdly, thinks a little differently than everybody else.

[A]

Okay, so this was the question that I wanted to ask you. There is so much uncertainty and I, I feel it, I hear it, I see it. Among 20 somethings, ADHD or not, you know, that they're really struggling. And you alluded to some of your friends who still don't know what they want to do with their life. Do you have any advice for them for 20 somethings who are struggling and are listening?

[B]

Try whatever interests you. You don't need a college degree to do what you want to do. You don't need to go to school and waste all this money to do what you want to do. Find your passion and follow it. If you want to become A doctor. Go for it. If you want to become a nurse, sure. If you want to, like my partner, start an embroidery custom apparel business. Go for it. Absolutely loves it. Having a blast. And he's doing what he loves. Go for it. There's nothing holding you back.

[A]

I really love that. I love that that's what he's doing. So, Nina, you're not a researcher. This is your words. You're not a researcher. You're not an influencer, you're not an author, you're not an app builder, but you're clearly brilliant and at such a young age, you figured so much out, and that's why I wanted you so I wanted you here, coming and talking to us. So what do you want other ADHD women to know about building a successful life without needing a platform or a thing to prove themselves?

[B]

Go with what you're good at. If you know your brain loves a chaotic environment where there's so much happening, do that. Go for that. If you know that numbers are your thing, figure something out with it. There's always an option for you and for your brain that works. And you have to work with your brain because you're living with your brain and that's going to hold you back for sure if you don't work with it. So work with your brain. Find what works for you and what interests you and is going to keep you interested. And don't do something that you hate, that you're going to be stuck in for the rest of your life and that you are miserable. Going to work every day, it's not going to make you want to go to work. Don't be stuck doing something miserable. You're young. Figure it out. It'll. It'll work out in the end.

[A]

So it's interest, interest, interest, and then double down on interest again.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Do you have a number one ADHD workaround?

[B]

I stopped using the word productive in my life.

[A]

I love that. Tell me why.

[B]

Because sometimes your ADHD paralysis, all you want to do is stay in bed. You don't want to start anything. But the world is so focused on the word productive and being productive that it was so harmful to me. And so even my therapist and I treat it like a curse word. We say the P word. We don't say productive. We say the P word because it's so harmful to be stuck in this world of productivity when some days you just don't want to be.

[A]

Well, one of my favorite quotes things that I say all the time is, I do not believe that ADHD is a productivity problem. I believe it's an identity problem. Right. Who are you and what are you meant to do in the world? So, Nina, how in the world are you so smart at 23? And I don't mean smart. I mean, you're smart that way too. But I mean smart. How are you so wise at 23?

[B]

I think I had a lot of great role models. My brother, my oldest brother is 10 years older than me, and I learned a lot from his mistakes. He is not working with his brain. He's not doing something that interests him. He's not doing something that he loves every day. And seeing that really just. It's not what I wanted to do. It's not how I wanted to live. Try to give my. My wiseness to my older brother as his younger sister. It's my job, you know?

[A]

So does he listen?

[B]

No. No, he doesn't. Oh, he tries. But, you know, he also. He's a little ADHD and stubborn.

[A]

So he needs to start with really learning how his brain works. Yes, of course. Differently than yours, but differently than everyone's. Right. And really doubling down on that. And he should start listening to his wise younger sister.

[B]

That's what I've been telling him.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, Nina, if someone hears this episode and they want to reach out to you, is that okay?

[B]

Yeah, that's perfectly okay. Oh, it's just Nina. Underscoreisabella.

[A]

Nina, thank you so much for spending time with us here today. It was such a pleasure to meet you.

[B]

Thank you, Tracy, for having me on.

[A]

So that's what I have for you for this week. If you like this episode, please let us know by leaving a review. Our goal is to change the conversation around adhd, helping as many women as we possibly can learn how their ADHD ADHD brains work so that they too may discover their amazing strengths. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you here next week.

You've been listening to the ADHD for Smartass Women podcast. I'm your host, Tracy Otsuka. Join us at adhdforsmartwomen.com where you can find more information on my email new book, ADHD for Smartass Women. And my patented you'd ADHD brain is a okay system to help you get unstuck and fall in love with your brilliant brain.

If you've been nodding along to this episode, thinking, wow, this is me, it's time to stop just listening and start making some real changes. My program, your ADHD Brain, is a OK Academy, is designed to help you work with your brain, not against it. It's not about forcing yourself into systems that don't fit. It's about finally understanding what does. So if you're ready to stop spinning and start thriving, you'll find the link to my program in the first line of this episode's description. Your ADHD brain is actually brilliant. So let's make it work for you.